#my mom's parents were also Unitarian Universalists

[nientedal]

I heard "America was founded by religious extremists who were kicked out of their own country" when I was a kid in the 1990s...but I heard it from my parents. They were Unitarian Universalists and super not interested in starry-eyed veneration of extremist Christian sects. At school it was exclusively the "fled to escape persecution" narrative.

[jyndor]

I know some have a hard time with the word hate (lmao including my phone which autocorrected it??? bro let me live my life) but I truly, unequivocally hate some things. this is personal and it is also political but it's mainly just me trying to put my feelings of non-community, isolation and disconnect into words. probably not well but I put it under a read more so frankly if you're not comfortable with me saying things in inarticulate ways about my own history, idk what to tell you lol

tw for imperialism, genocide, depression, and the existential agonies idk lmao

like britain. not the land, not the individual people lol but the power and empire and the idea, in the same way I hate the united states. idk if there is a more accurate word for the feeling I have that is based in deep, deep hurt. like bone deep. hurt for damage they've done to so many peoples, but also like... over the past year I've begun to identify this emptiness inside of me - I was always looking for community and connection and identity as a kid so far removed from my extended family. I've always joked about how much I resent my parents for moving away from new york because they took me to a place devoid of culture but like I mean my parents got to enjoy the richness of so many cultures growing up, and they also had community (I am not including my mom's mom because she is a person I do in fact hate).

like... so when friends of mine growing up would have their confirmations, for instance, I'd feel sort of left out because I had nothing. my parents ran from catholicism rightfully so imo lmao, and my mom was so good about trying to find me a church to go to when I asked even though I didn't believe in God, certainly not in the Christian belief in God. we ended up in a unitarian universalist church thankfully but I mean I didn't really value it because ~angsty teen shit.

when I say I hate my grandma I mean I am so deeply hurt by her actions towards my mom and also me, and it feels like the same feeling that I get when I think of Imperial powers and how they've harmed both my own family and also so many other people who've had way worse outcomes than just isolation and loneliness and lack of community or identity, or the feeling I have towards capitalism which ofc is intrinsically linked with colonialism and imperialism.

this is something I am coming to understand about myself in my thirties. that i have always been a very, very lonely person. I think that's why the found family trope always works so well for me. because I'm beginning to find mine, and they aren't the people who I desperately wanted to find commonality with as a child.

it's funny because I've always viewed my politics as fairly separate from my internal life - like I couldn't see any connection between why I was always fighting with bullies and bigots in school, why I always immediately understood power dynamics and supported marginalized groups even if they had nothing to do with me and even if I didn't like know the details - ofc my first time hearing about palestine I was like... ?? how are they wrong for wanting liberation? even if I didn't know the history like I do now or like I will in the future when I've learned even more of it.

I remember this english kid (my first love lmao barf) doing a presentation on the troubles in 10th grade and asking like... lmao idk anything about this but how can you say that the british were the good guys here???? then I learned later the personal connections I have to irish history and it was like... I never even knew. I had no stories, no family history, no connection to a culture that my family came from. so there's this guy telling me, a descendant of the people he's blaming for the troubles, history that I should have known.

it's funny how every time I tell one of my friends irl that I do not respect my elders, I have to explain why - they eschewed their own story in order to have the security and safety of whiteness in the US. they continue to protect that whiteness with their money and votes, and have shown an absolute lack of respect to their descendants when we've asked them to hear us out.

I don't hate them though. I know there's a difference in the way I feel towards them and the way I feel towards the things, the british empire, the united states, that made them react the way they did. idk if that makes sense.

at least they aren't cops lmao I would legitimately hate them if they were.

[sheepiling]

15 Questions for 15 Mutuals

Thank you to @cantseemtohide for the tag! 🤗 

1. Are you named after anyone? 

I was adopted at 18 months and never met my biological mother after that so I have no way of knowing; my adoptive parents didn’t change my first or middle names. 

2. When was the last time you cried? 

I always cry during period week. And every time I watch Encanto. 

3. Do you have kids? 

Not yet! My husband and I do want at least one kid, though. Maybe two! Not yet, though. 

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? 

Only for friends that like sarcasm. If I don’t know someone well enough to know their sense of humor yet or I know they don’t like sarcasm then I don’t use it around them. I enjoy it but it’s situational for me. 

5. What sports do you play / have you played? 

I was in marching band in high school, and when I was little I took ballet classes, though I didn’t stay in those long enough to graduate to pointe shoes. idk if those count as sports but that’s the only physical activities I did growing up. Nowadays I just do weights and jogging. 

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people? 

Personality, vibe checks, & whether or not I wanna actually talk to them or just be polite and yeet out of there. 

7. Eye color? 

Greyish-blue! Sometimes tealish. It depends on the lighting and what I’m wearing. But usually a light turquoise blue-grey color. 

8. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? 

While I love classic horror and occult halloweeny things, I love fairy tales more, so happy endings wins! Also I dislike all the modern horror stuff that’s a bunch of gore and jump scares and violence. I prefer horror that’s 80s or older. But I love all fairy tale movies no matter when they’re made! 

9. Any special talents? 

My long-term memory is abnormally good. I can vividly remember back to kindergarten. However, my short term memory is crap. I’m always losing my phone. 😅 

10. Where were you born? 

F L O R I D A 

11. What are your hobbies? 

Playing Sims and being on Simblr (obviously) but I also like a couple MMORPGs that I play with my guild. I’m also in the choir at my Unitarian Universalist church, and I still play Flute and Bodhrán privately. I’ve been meaning to join a local drum circle but haven’t dedicated the time to that yet. 

12. Do you have any pets? 

Yes! I have 2 cats, Abigail and Tigger, and they’re mother and son! Though if we’re counting my mom’s & mi suegra’s pets as well then we have a total of 6 pets in the family. My mom has 3 cats, Little One, Midnight, and Dev (all are rescued strays ♡) and my husband’s family has a yorkie named Toby. 💕  and that puppy is mad spoiled they have baby strollers for him and take him everywhere! 😂 

13. How tall are you? 

In freedom metrics I’m 5′4″ 

14. Favorite subject in school? 

I always liked music / band the most! When you’re in marching band it consumes your entire life. The rehearsals are so long. But that’s where all my friends were so it was amazing. 💖 

15. Dream job? 

I flunked out of college twice, I’ve kind of given up on any type of careers. My husband is able to support us and I just get part time things when I’m able. Once we have kids I plan on being a stay-at-home mom, and if USA doesn’t fix the violence in schools problem we’ve been having by the time our future kiddos are ready for school I’ll probably homeschool at least the early elementary years. Though once the math gets too advanced for me to be able to teach I’ll need to look for other options ‘cuz I can’t homeschool the whole K~12. Hopefully we can get some kind of education reform by that time. 

And now to tag peeps! I’m a bit late to answer this b/c of my Mexico trip and a lot of people have done this already. Also, 15 people is A LOT for a tag game so I’m just gonna pick the most recent mutuals in my Activity log! Sorry if you already did this. If anyone else didn’t get a ping for this tag and wants to do it you can totes tag me as the person that tagged you, though! ♡ 

@helenofsimblr @sparkiekong @sassie-sims @druidberries @daydreamertrait @timberllania @sir-silly @nolongerafruit @nightlifeseries @silverspringsimmer @coliemoongaming @sims-for-semi @saps-sims @faetheegrey @talesofsimverse 

[adaminabarx]

Thoughts on T-Slur Discourse

Who's allowed to say the t-slur discourse seems to be going on right now. Since I’m a 33y/o, non-passing, transexual woman who's been transitioning for about two years I might as well throw in my two cents. 

Being a Trans Child in the 90s and 00s Sucked

I was born in 1990, meaning my childhood was in the 90s and my teen years were the 00s. When I was growing up tranny wasn’t even really a slur. Transitioning your sex or gender was so unthinkable that it was just never mentioned in any real capacity. I would occasionally hear about some “freak trannies” that actually went through with a “sex-change operation”. But that’s not me, I’m not a tranny, right? Doing something like that was for someone who was truly depraved and I’m not a freak. I was told I was a boy and that was the end of it. Why would I question it?

Now you might think that I grew up in some hyper conservative, evangelical household. But no, my parents claimed the opposite. They were super liberal (didn’t even vote for reagan in the 80s), we went to a unitarian-universalist church, everywhere I was surrounded by messages of love and acceptance and being true to yourself.

Yet even in this environment, tranny wasn’t a slur. I remember hearing my younger sister in her mean-girl phase saying that other girls in her grade looked like a tranny. Faggot was a slur and would get you in trouble, but tranny was just a light insult that people would casually toss around.

I knew of exactly one trans woman back then. She went to our church and transitioned in her 50s. I was in the youth group with her son and he fucking hated her for being a tranny. He just tried to pretend she didn’t exist. There was one time I got him alone and wanted to ask him some questions about his mom. As soon as he realized what I was getting at he started ranting about embarrassing and selfish it was for her to transition. How fucked up it is that he has to have a tranny for a mom. Keep in mind that this kid was misgendering his mom at every possible point in his rant.

I also remember one time my mom decided to talk about her on the car ride home. She spent the entire ride criticizing the way this trans woman dressed and talking about how she should have “at least” waited until her kids moved out of the house.

This was the attitude towards trans women at a Unitarian Universalist church in the most open, loving, hippy-dippy, liberal part of Minnesota.

Now I could talk for days about how the 90s and 00s were a traumatizing time to be a trans kid. But let’s fast-forward to the present.

I Don’t Pass

This isn’t me being self deprecating. This is a statement of fact. My testosterone-based first puberty did immeasurable damage to my body, mind, and soul. Every day I realize more and more that every facet of my being has been shaped by the trauma of having to go through a testosterone-based puberty and the expectations that come with it.

I don’t pass, I won’t have any chance of passing until I can afford FFS, BA, and various body contouring procedures. That said, don’t come at me with any platitudes about how I don’t have to pass to be valid. That’s not the point. The point is: not passing means I’m a tranny.

I see it in everyone’s face whenever I go out in public. Whether it’s going to the grocery store or hanging out with friends. When people look at me, they see a tranny. When people interact with me, they interact with me as a tranny. No one treats me like they treat women.

And it affects me! I *know* I’m a woman in my heart of hearts. But I don’t feel like a woman, I feel like a tranny. Everyone else sees a tranny so I see a tranny in mirror every morning when I do my skincare. I see my pronounced brow, my cleft chin, my pronounced jaw, the way my lips sit on my face. I see all the markers that people use to make the judgement that I was AMAB and now I’m desperately trying to be a woman.

Kate Passes Perfectly

The place where all this is the most pronounced is actually when I’m in the presence of another trans woman I know, for the sake of this writing I’ll call her Kate. Kate is one of my cousin’s daughter’s friend. She is a 17y/o trans woman who’s been out since she was 9, got on blockers shortly after, then started HRT at 14.

I met Kate at my cousin’s daughter’s graduation party. I had only been fully out for a couple months at this point. I didn’t really even want to go to this grad party, but my extended family and their friends are all “loving” and “accepting” and “open-minded” so I let my cousin convince me to go.

When I arrived it was all eyes. Just a sea of eyes making judgmental glances. And… Like… How could they not stare!? Here I am, a 32 year old tranny dressed in a gaudy black and white outfit wearing what she *thinks* is low-key makeup. Everyone was “nice”—no one actually pointed and went “look a tranny!”—but no one treated me like a woman.

Then at some point Kate came up to me, introduced herself, and immediately told me that she was trans. I didn’t believe her, I thought she was a cis girl setting me up for some cruel joke. But she wasn’t, Kate is just a sweet young woman who was assigned male at birth. Growing up with access to information and positive representation she was able to advocate for herself and avoid the trauma that would’ve come with a testosterone puberty and male expectations.

Being around Kate was shear agony. Nobody, and I mean nobody, misgendered or stared at Kate like a tranny. Here is a young woman living the life I should’ve had. The life I would’ve had, if I had access to less cruel representation. The technology existed when I was her age, I could’ve had this life.

I didn’t have to be a tranny.

Every interaction I had at this grad party was tainted with the fact that I was a tranny. Whether it’s people asking invasive questions; or being way too interested in me; or the classic “he—err, i mean she” pronoun fuck up; or when they smile at me like I’m a homeless man begging for change while they’re loaded with cash and have no intention of parting with a single dime. Even Kate’s interactions with me were because she saw that I was a tranny and wanted to come relate.

That’s not to say I didn’t have any fun, I got a free lunch and I had a couple interesting conversations. People are generally fun to be around and talk to even if I am the token tranny. But I couldn’t stay for long, while being a tranny is better than being a man, it’s still just so hard to bear.

Anyways… About That Slur

So what am I even trying to say with all these ramblings about my trauma? That not even passing transexuals are allowed to say tranny? That I’m the arbiter of who gets to say tranny? 

Well, yeah I am.

And also no I’m not.

I mean, I can’t control people and dictate what words they say or what they think. Whether it’s a bigot calling me a tranny freak on the street or one of my extended family members muttering it to themselves when I commit the unforgivable sin of being a little cringe in my 30s.

All I have is my judgement. Take Kate, I can say with quite a bit of certainty that the word tranny has hurt me and stunted my growth more than her. I don’t want to discount any bullying that she’s gone through. But she’s not going to have to go through the horror of watching her body go through changes that are just simply wrong for her. The horror of being held to male expectations and dissociating away her teens and 20s.

So if Kate ever dropped the t-slur around me, it better be in the context of something truly poignant. Anything less and I’ll get pissed. On the other hand, If I’m talking to another trans person of similar age and transition history then I’ll probably be the one to start spouting off “tranny this, tranny that” and end up getting called out.

So when I see people that are non-binary and attractive in the manner that is expected of their assigned gender at birth start talking about reclaiming the t-slur, I don’t want to associate with them. I don’t care if they’re technically “allowed” to say it. Whether or not I confront them about it they lose my respect.

But why should you care about my respect. In all seriousness, you probably don’t. I don’t have any kind of following. And well, I literally just admitted to using conventional attractiveness as one of the measures for whether or not someone can say tranny! I clearly have a lot of self-worth issues that I need to unpack. But it’s true, and if that makes you lose respect for me then so be it. But I suspect that a lot of people hold similar values, even if they don’t want to admit it. 

So, where does this leave us? I don’t know. I don’t have any real answers. I’m just some tranny, trying to figure out her life one day at a time. If you really want some kind of prescriptive advice, I’d say: read the room; say what you wanna say; and when (not if) you fuck up, listen to the people who are having feelings about it with empathy.

As for me, I think the real reason why this discourse is so touchy for me is because I want to eventually get to a point where it would be gauche for me to drop the t-slur. One of the few things that keeps me going right now is the fact that there are surgeries that can help me look less like a tranny.

I guess that’s what gets me about this discourse. It feels like there’s a contingency of people that just want a t-slur pass. When it’s a word I want so desperately to get rid of.

[idiopathicsmile]

what's the first song you remember hearing? what's a song you're enjoying recently? what's a song you strongly associate with a past chapter in life?

unfortunately, my memory gets VERY spotty the farther back i go. i do know that in preschool, we sang a little prayer to the tune of Frere Jacques before snack time, which went "god we thank you, god we thank you, for our food! for our food! we are glad to be here, we are glad to be here, thank you god, thank you god."

but i remember this mostly because, uh. my mom's parents were very catholic. and my mom raised us unitarian universalist. and being (like myself) a somewhat conflict-avoiding person, she never quite got around to explaining to her mother and father that unitarians are not necessarily christian, and that none of us, in fact, believed in god.

i grew up close with my parents, and as such, when i was a young child, the notion of keeping a big part of yourself hidden from the adults in your life was unthinkable (i hadn't even begun to work through my various queer identities, lol) so it STRESSED ME OUT TREMENDOUSLY that my maternal grandparents assumed we were protestant (not ideal! but still something they could wrap their heads around!) and not the filthy filthy unbelievers we were. like, had they known the truth, it would've been A Whole Problem. as it got a little older, the source of the stress became, "i am not very good at lies. what if i fuck this up for all of us???"

so one day when i was about twelve, it happened. my maternal grandfather looked me straight in the eyes and asked me to lead the suppertime prayer. shit. i had heard him deliver his standard catholic "in the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit" routine more times than i could count, but what if i got it wrong? what if my memory failed me and i made some sort of crucial flub in the recitation of the prayer, and my grandparents somehow leapt from that to the (admittedly far-fetched but, y'know, technically correct) conclusion that my family's whole so-called relationship with god was a farce???

so instead i went the safe route. i delivered the one, the only prayer i was certain i could execute with no embarrassing slip-ups. at the age of twelve, fully in junior high, i took a deep breath and i sang my entire preschool prayer song, to the tune of Frere Jacques.

thankfully, my grandfather was also a sexist of the dismissive/patronizing type, so he just thought it was cute.

WHEW. second question!

i've been on a huge The Beths kick lately, no song moreso than River Run: Lvl 1. it hits my brain in exactly the right spots.

for a past chapter in my life, i'm gonna go with the angsty, anachronistically Reagan-hating middle schooler i was and say Jackson Browne's Lives in the Balance. (i still hate reagan, but you get me.)

[tipsycad147]

Why do people become Pagan? The top ten reasons

by Michelle Gruben

“Why are you Pagan?” If you were to ask this question of a dozen people, you would probably get a dozen different answers. For Christians (and others who believe in one true God) the revival of polytheism may be confounding. For others, it is hard to understand why a sensible modern person would seem to turn their back on science to worship the gods of old.

Before we get too far along, let's cover some background info. Paganism is defined broadly as non-Abrahamic religion that is Nature-based, polytheistic, or both. Wiccans, for instance, generally worship a creator Goddess and a God who is Her consort. The Wiccan cosmology does not acknowledge the existence of the Christian God (or the concepts of Satan and Hell).

Wicca is the best-known of modern Pagan religions, but there are many sub-groups and branches of Pagan belief and practice. Druidism, neo-Shamanism, Greek/Roman reconstructionism, and Norse Heathenry are just a few. There are also eclectic Pagans who combine elements from various traditions to make their own “flavor” of Paganism. While occult practices (e.g., divination and spellcasting) are common in Paganism, not all Pagans participate in these practices. Conversely, not everyone who is involved in the occult is a Pagan.

Most Pagans are polytheist, meaning they recognize the existence of more than one God. But there is more to Paganism than “the more, the merrier!” Here are some general traits of Pagan religions (keep in mind that not every religion will have them all): Rejection of Judeo-Christian cosmology, observance of seasonal rites, reverence toward Nature, rejection of religious authority and focus on individual experiences, paranormal/psychic beliefs and practices, emphasis on personal responsibility over sin or evil.

Not surprisingly, a preference for one or more of these traits is what attracts many people to Pagan religions—but we’ll get to that in a moment.

At the risk of stating the obvious, religion is a choice. If a person follows a Pagan religion, they are expressing a preference for Paganism over another religion, or no religion. Thinking about the reasons why people choose to become Pagan can lead to better understanding of Pagan friends and family. If you are Pagan, you may even learn something about yourself!

For the record, I’m Pagan in a mixed-religion household. This (totally unscientific) list is based on my own observations within the Pagan community. I’ve tried to present them in a way that’s inclusive and fair. Without further ado, here are some of the most common reasons why people choose to follow a Pagan religion:

1. They were raised Pagan.

Contemporary Pagan groups began forming in the 1930s, and achieved breakthrough status with the emergence of Wicca in the 1950s. Before that time, very few people in the West were raised Pagan. If you wanted to be initiated in a Pagan tradition, you had to seek one out—often at great expense to your personal or professional reputation.

Nowadays, that’s not the case. Neo-Paganism as a social/demographic phenomenon is in its third generation. It’s fairly common to find adults who were raised Pagan, or even whose parents were raised Pagan! It’s also possible to find those who were raised Pagan, but left Paganism. “Mom used to go out in the woods with her friends and do weird stuff—I never really got into it.”)

Some Pagan clergy will participate in the general blessing of infants and children, such as the ritual of “Wiccaning.” However, most Pagan paths do not have formal initiation for children. Pagans also overwhelmingly value religious choice. If someone continues their Pagan practice into adulthood, it is likely because they found something meaningful in it.

2. They want sexual acceptance and/or sexual freedom.

Of all the world religions, Paganism is arguably the most tolerant of the varied expression of human sexuality. Sex is considered a divine gift and a sacred rite. Lusty Gods and fertile Goddesses appear in all the major pantheons. (Along with gender-bending, raunchy stories, and other sexy fun.) For most Pagans, sex is just no big deal as long as it’s between consenting adults (or deities).

Pagan groups almost universally accept gay members, and some traditions even have queer or queer-leaning branches (Radical Faeries, Dianic Wicca). Pagan activists have been on the forefront of the struggle for equal rights. Compare that to the sluggish response of churches—even liberal churches—to embrace LGBTQ members and clergy, and you’ll understand why sexual minorities have been so attracted to Paganism. For people who are used to hearing their sexual desires called dirty, sinful, or shameful, the difference can be life-changing.

It’s not just queer folks who embrace Paganism as a safe­­ haven. Horny folks do, too. In most Pagan belief systems, sex is not considered a sin but a morally neutral act. Sex for fun is fun, sex for magick is magick. It’s not how much sex you’re having, but your intention that characterizes the act. The only moral imperative is in how you’re treating yourself and your partners.

Partners? Oh, yes! Polyamory, group sex, and (legal) exhibitionism are accepted within some Pagan communities. That’s an undeniable treat for people who want to enjoy these activities without religious shame.

3. They don’t care for dogma and/or authority.

There is no holy book, no central governing body, and no real priestly authority within the mass of related beliefs filed under Paganism. This is great news for people of a certain temperament—religious rebels and militant agnostics. (“I don’t know, and you don’t either!”)

As a social movement, neo-Paganism is deeply indebted to the Transcendentalist writers of the 19th century. Their poems and essays held the germ of the idea that fuels Pagan practice: That God speaks directly to everyone—often through Nature—and not only to a specially qualified few, inside special buildings.

Some Pagan groups do have ordained clergy. But there are still significant differences between Pagan clergy and those of more established organized religions:

First, Pagan titles like “High Priestess” are usually self-conferred or passed along from student to teacher. This does not mean that they’re not “real” clergy, but it does mean that their power is limited outside their own group or coven. (A Pagan leader may also be ordained as a minister by another organization, such as the Church of All Worlds or the Unitarian Universalist church. This allows them to receive certain legal privileges that independent Pagan clergy usually do not enjoy.)

Secondly, Pagan clergy tend to function more as community leaders than authority figures. Pagan priesthood does not confer any real power over others, either temporal or spiritual. Most Pagan leaders encourage discussion and self-study by their students and congregants. Certainly a dedicated Priest or Priestess will have more experience working with their deities than a beginner. They may have the skills to do rituals or advanced deity work that a novice does not. In a sense, though, every Pagan is their own Priest or Priestess—and the best Pagan clergy respect that. This makes Paganism very attractive to those who don’t want to experience God(s) secondhand.

4. They long for a connection to Nature.

The earth, the trees, the sky, the sea—most world religions recognize these wonders as the work of a mighty creator God. And yet, most leave it at that.

Not so with Paganism. Pagan religions are sometimes described as “Earth-based”—meaning the Earth and its cycles are central to what Pagans hold sacred. Most Pagans profess a deep reverence for natural places, the seasons, the web of plants and animals, and the processes of birth, aging, and dying. While it’s not technically required, many Pagan services are held outdoors. “Skyclad” (nude) rites are another way that Pagans shed the trappings of modern society and get back to the core of being.

Some people come to Paganism as an extension of their environmentalist or eco-feminist views. Others simply want to reconnect with Nature as an antidote to the alienation that comes with busy, digitized lives.

5. They’ve had negative experiences with other religions.

It’s a sad but undeniable fact. People who turn toward one religion are often, with the same movement, turning away from a religion that has hurt them. If you spend enough time in Pagan communities, you will certainly meet some of these displaced folks.

Perhaps a certain religious doctrine—such as the prohibition against homosexuality—is causing the person emotional pain. Maybe they’re frustrated with persecution, corruption, or hypocrisy within the religious group they came from. Or maybe they’re rebelling against the religious beliefs of a parent or spouse. Whatever the case, Paganism appears to offer a chance for a fresh start, one with less restriction and oversight than they may be used to. Pagans don’t evangelize—which may make them seem more trustworthy to folks who have been burned.

As with all life choices, there are right and wrong reasons to become a Pagan. And you can’t ever really know someone else’s motives. The best thing that Pagans can do is treat religious refugees kindly, answer their questions honestly, and wait for them to figure out if Paganism is right for them.

6. They have trouble with the concepts of sin and evil.

Of all the barriers between Pagan beliefs and Abrahamic religion, the idea of sin is the thorniest. Original sin is a tough doctrine to swallow, even for many Christians. Who wants to suffer for something that happened before they were born? That Paganism has no equivalent concept to sin and sinfulness is one of its biggest selling points, so to speak. (Pagan beliefs about the origin/existence of evil are so diverse I won’t even try to tackle the topic here.)

As mentioned earlier, there’s no single Pagan concept of God. Still, one idea you see over and over in Paganism is the doctrine of non-dual immanence. God/Goddess existing here and now, and not in some distant place or kingdom to come. Lack of meditation or participation or acceptance can distance us from the sacred, but God/Goddess is always there. Furthermore, divinity is present within the material world, and the world is inseparable from its creator.

All of this is pretty difficult to reconcile with Judeo-Christian ideas about original sin and the fall of man. (Some Hermetic Pagans do accept them as metaphorical/alchemical truths—but that’s a whole other beaker of worms.) In Biblical cosmology, the world is created by God, but separate from God. The world we know is basically fallen and can only be redeemed through God’s intervention. In Paganism, the world we know is basically holy and does not require redemption. (Only observation and celebration, if we want to be happy and—perhaps—please the Gods.) The other worlds are holy, too—not more, nor less.

As for behavior? Paganism emphasizes individual freedom and responsibility over moral absolutism. Most Pagans live by an individual moral/ethical code, but shun universal behavioral codes. Pagan ethics have been heavily influenced by the Wiccan Rede: “An it harm none, do what ye will.” This in turn derives from Aleister Crowley’s “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law”—possibly the most mis-interpreted eleven words of all time.

It’s not that Pagans believe that you can or should do whatever you want. On the contrary, Paganism teaches that actions (and even thoughts) reverberate through the universe to affect oneself and others. There’s no real concept of sin, but Paganism is not amoral. In encouraging moral behavior, Paganism substitutes concepts like karma, duty, interconnectedness, for a paternal god figure keeping score.

7. They yearn for representations of the Divine Feminine.

Dion Fortune wrote “A religion without a Goddess is halfway to atheism.” Women’s bodies are the carriers of life. And yet, many world religions downplay or denigrate the contribution of women. In Abrahamic religions, women can be vessels and saints, but are rarely prophets and never God. Many people yearn for distant time—real or imagined—when women’s bodies could also be a representation of deity.

As a social phenomenon, the rise of Wicca and Goddess spirituality has coincided pretty neatly with the expansion of women’s rights. As long as women are to be regarded as equal to men in society, there are those who feel that patriarchal religions can never be wholly legitimate.

Everyone has an earthly mother and a father. If you believe in God, it makes a kind of intuitive sense that everyone has a divine Mother and Father, too. Yet religions that include a Goddess are usually labeled polytheist and Pagan automatically.

8. They want explanations for psychic and paranormal events.

Out-of-body experiences, premonitions, telepathy, ghost encounters—weird stuff sometimes happens. If you haven’t had an inexplicable experience, then you likely know someone who has. Pagans aren’t alone in experiencing the paranormal, of course. But they tend to be better equipped to talk about it than the average person.

Imagine a person who has recurring paranormal experiences, or experiences they believe to be paranormal. Mainstream science tells them that these experiences are illusory. Mainstream religion—when it’s not condemning them as evil—seems mostly too embarrassed to talk about occult happenings. It’s no surprise that the person would be drawn to a Pagan community where psychic stuff is openly discussed, accepted, and even encouraged.

Don’t get me wrong—mental illness and paranormal delusions do occur, and can cause great harm. But the not-crazy among us still yearn for a safe haven to discuss our psychic lives without condemnation. I believe—though I can’t prove—that so-called paranormal experiences are actually quite common among the general population. I’ve also observed that persistent psychic curiosity is one of the major reasons that people turn to Paganism.

9. They’re attracted to the power and control offered by magick.

I once read an academic paper that was trying to explain the rise of Wicca and witchcraft among teenage girls. The conclusion was that when a young women lacks a sense of control in her life—i.e., economic, sexual, or social autonomy—a religion that offers a secret source of power is immensely attractive. (Who wouldn’t want to be able to cast a love spell on a crush, or curse a bully?) The author observed that many teen girls become practicing Pagans in junior high and high school. They tend to lose interest after finding another source of personal power (a job, a relationship, a better group of friends).

As a young Pagan woman, I found the tone of this particular paper to be condescending, bordering on insulting. But one thing is obviously true: Occultism purports to offer power to the powerless, esoteric means to an end when exoteric means have come up short. Why else would there be so many people interested in fast answers—love spells, get-rich-quick spells, and the like?

Lots of people approach witchcraft and/or Paganism because they want to learn to use magick. They see it as a way to fix their lives in a hurry or achieve undeserved success. Many of them move along when they realize that real magick is real work.

10. They’ve been called by a God or Goddess.

A burning bush, a deathbed vision of Christ, a miracle from the Virgin Mary—these are the types of religious experiences that are familiar to most people. But Pagans have religious epiphanies, too. Although most of us don’t talk about it outside of trusted circles, our Gods and Goddesses call to us in dramatic and in subtle ways.

Like any other type of religious conversion, some people drift gradually toward an acceptance of Paganism, while others are thrust toward it by a single epiphany. Some people may scoff at the idea of elder Gods asserting their presence in the 21st century. But it's certainly no wackier than what other religious people believe. (And it's hard to be so cavalier when Odin’s keeping you awake at night with a to-do list.)

For most Pagans, one or more of the above reasons has contributed to their finding their religious path. There are certainly other reasons that aren’t on this list. Of course, the best way to find out why a particular person is Pagan is to (respectfully) ask!

https://www.groveandgrotto.com/blogs/articles/why-do-people-become-pagan-top-ten-reasons

[polyolefinprince]

What does "sort of Jewish" mean? Like are you culturally/ethnically Jewish but not religious?

Well my maternal grandma was Jewish before becoming a Jehovah's Witness. My mom retained some Jewish culture, but then also married my Protestant Christian father. She passed some Jewish culture on to my siblings and me though, albeit through small tidbits. So we would celebrate Christmas, but we'd also get a ton of chocolate gelt in our stockings (which I didn't recognize as being traditionally for Hanukka despite them having a literal menorah on the wrapper). We also always somewhat celebrated passover, which mostly entailed watching Prince of Egypt every year. However, my parents did take me to church somewhat frequently (typically once or twice a month growing up), and the church we attended was partially Protestant and partially Unitarian Universalist, so there were definitely more Christian lessons instilled than Jewish ones.

Overall, I'd say I'm somewhat ethnically Jewish, and I get a smidge of Jewish culture, but I don't think it's enough of a part of my identity to claim it. If I wanted to, I'm sure I could adopt it as an aspect of my life, but overall I'm not really religious so I don't feel like it would be fair or necessary to do that. I'd say my personal religion would qualify as a Christian agnostic since I don't really know if there's some higher power, and nor do I particularly care to find out, but I still like Christmas season and have been somewhat immersed in christianity my whole life.

[firstumcschenectady]

“Humans: Needing Love and Comfort”

(a sermon dialogue with Rev. Lynn Gardner of the Unitarian Universalist Society of Schenectady and Rev. Sara Baron of the First United Methodist Church of Schenectady)

Part 1: Our awareness of our need for mothering (which is our need to be loved, and comforted)

Lynn: It started when I was on my yoga mat. It was early one morning last spring. I hadn’t been sleeping well, and I was up as the sun was rising, moving through familiar yoga asanas, gently stretching, moving, breathing. I was in child’s pose… curled over bent knees, forehead resting on the mat, when the crying began. Everything that my body had been holding in was let loose in a torrent of tears, growing into deep sobs. Worry, grief, fear, sadness, loneliness and anger, pouring out. My heart ached thinking of all those who were suffering alone or separated from anyone who was familiar.

On the day we were born and received the gift of our first breath we depended on our mothers, our parents, or other caring adults in order to survive. As we grew, those needs changed, but our need to be loved and cared for is still part of us. That morning on my yoga mat, I rocked, and cried, feeling the vulnerability of being human… that we need one another. This may be our vulnerability AND our strength.

Sara: The past year has been one of developing my identity as a mother. My child was born 51 weeks ago today. It has been a very long time since I’ve needed mothering as much as I have since I became a mother. It turns out that the capacity to give my child what he needs is dependent on having enough of my own needs met and, quite often, I can’t fulfill both sets of needs on my own, and am dependent on others to hold me up so I can hold him up.

I was raised upper middle class, and I’m white, and I have internalized the message that self-sufficiency is “good.” Which means I’m REALLY BAD at asking for help, and that hasn’t made me need it less. The pandemic has complicated EVERYTHING. When I needed help the most it felt least safe to receive it. When I hit the end of my capacity and could go no further, when tears filled my eyes and I simply could not do what I needed to do, when without love and comfort and support I could no longer offer love and comfort and support… I have spent this year learning that I need to be mothered well in order to mother well. For me, at least, this applies both to parenting AND to pastoring. To offer love and comfort to my congregation ALSO requires that I have something to give, and that means I have to reach out when I need love and comfort too.

Part 2: Stories of times we have received loving, comforting care when we needed it

Support can come in a wider range of formats than I ever knew. There was, for me, one day when everything I needed to do most profoundly exceeded my capacity to do it. Before that day was easier, after that day was easier, but on that day I could simply go no further. I remember texting 3 friends. It was August, and nothing felt safe, especially not in person. One friend got in the car to come help. Another stayed on the phone with me until she arrived and let me cry while being heard. The third texted back and forth all day assuring me that I was allowed to make things easier on myself, and it didn’t mean I was failing as a mother to do so.

Those three friends comforted me that day, they let their love for me become support when I needed it. I think it is fair to say that they mothered me, and BECAUSE they took care of me, I was able to take care of my child.

In some ways this story seems too small, and in other ways it seems … archetypal. Looking back at my life there are innumerable times when my pain or burden was too much to bear. In every one of them, I reached out for support. Sometimes I reached out directly to the Divine, which for me means I disappeared into nature and silence for the hours I needed before I could form words again. Other times I have reached out to family or friends (or my own pastor), and let them hold me up. It is in being held - in any medium- that I can regain my own self-regulation and find my way again.

Lynn: Isn’t it amazing when someone shows up in simple yet deeply caring ways? 21 years ago I went to stay at my parent’s home when my Mom was nearing the end of her life. She had been diagnosed with cancer just five weeks earlier. She was at home with hospice care, laying in a bed where she could look out and see her garden, and my father and sisters and I were caring for her and for one another. A long time friend called and asked if she could come by. She arrived with three hot-fudge brownie sundaes, one for me, one for her, and one for my Dad. Let’s go for a walk, she suggested. We walked and ate. She listened, and we cried and laughed together, and also held space for the comfort of shared silence. That was the most delicious sundae I have ever eaten.

Each of these moments in our lives have served to remind us that we are not self-sufficient, we do not walk or work alone. It is because of our connections that we are.. It is because we have been nurtured that we are functional and able to offer nurture.

Part 3: Growing us into capacity to give mothering

Sara: Our sweet baby is teething. It is miserable for everyone involved. We are very thankful in our house for pain medication. But sometimes it isn’t enough. Sometimes he hurts, and nothing we can do makes the hurt go away, and it is awful. In those moments, all we can do is be with him and assure him he isn’t alone. It doesn’t feel like enough in the moment, but I also wouldn’t dream of letting him suffer alone.

There are many sources of pain in life, physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional. In some cases we are able to do things that change them, like feeding people who are hungry. In many cases we cannot change reality, or the pain people experience, when they are grieving. In those cases all we can do is be with one another, and assure each other we aren’t alone. It doesn’t feel like enough, but the difference between being alone and being supported is significant. Our congregations can be communities of practice… where we continue to learn about giving and receiving care.

This has been one of the worst parts of the pandemic, that the means of support and comfort we are used to offering grieving people have been taken away. I invite those who are safely ready and able to loosen their COVID restrictions to think about how to offer love and support now that wasn’t possible before.

Learning the limits of what comfort I can give has never felt enjoyable, but it seems like the capacity to be a mother grows along with my awareness of my own limitations.

Part 4: The Divine as Nurturer, and Faith as Subversive when it comes to nurture.

The Gospel lesson we read today in the United Methodist church instructs us to “abide in love,” and expounds eloquently on the subject. I believe that this is what faith is all about. In Christian and United Methodist lingo we talk about “sanctification” which is the process of letting go of whatever is not love and being filled up with love so that you can respond to every person in every moment with pure love. In our models, continued faith development is all aimed at sanctification. (John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist movement believed that people could reach perfection in love during their life times. ;) I share that as an interesting historical fact.)

In real life though, things are complicated. In many circumstances it is not clear what the most loving response actually is. What looks from one angle like loving nurture looks from another angle like enabling. These days I find myself reminding myself several times a day about the process of emerging from cocoons. That is, when transformed creatures emerge from cocoons it is a slow and seemingly painful process. Over the years many well meaning humans have tried to ease creatures ways out of the cocoon, only to learn that the moths and butterflies are permanently damaged by having the process eased. There is a fine line to walk in care for others, and I find I am never clear which side of it I’m on.

Lynn: Receiving care can also be complicated. Sometimes we just need someone to help us, or for someone to comfort us, but we don’t ask, and feel resentful. Or we don’t know who to ask… or we tell ourselves we don’t deserve it, or that someone else needs it more. And sometimes, it is so hard to just allow ourselves to be cared for… to really receive the love that is being offered.

Prior to seminary, I worked in child care for 20 years. Over those years, and while raising our daughter, I have held and rocked many a tired cranky little one. Whether you have done so yourself or not, I invite to imagine holding an overly-tired toddler, who is crying and pushing away, resisting their need for sleep with every ounce of energy they have. They are so tired… and so upset… not wanting to give up, to let go, and to sink into the arms that are holding them.

Unitarian Universalism affirms that each of us is worthy of love…. That we are each more than our worst mistake. That we are each worthy of care and comfort. We are all held by a larger Love that will not let us go… even when we struggle… even when we push away… I can imagine the Holy whispering, “shhh…. Shhhh….. I’m right here.”

Sara: I’m also deeply aware that while the Divine, faith, and Biblical teaching all call us to love, in our society the expectations around that love vary according to the bodies we occupy. Lynn and I have been reflecting on the human need to receive mothering - the human need to receive love and comfort - and suggesting that faith communities may be sources of giving good care so those in them can then give good care to the world. Yet, I keep thinking about the realities of “emotional labor” and the ways that female embodied people, and people of color, along with others thought in society to occupy subordinate positions are subliminally taught to offer care and nurture to those who are male embodied, white, and empowered. Kate Manne in “Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny” talks about the ways emotional labor is thought to be the work of some and the privilege to receive of others, and how this is encouraged with “carrots” and enforced with “sticks.”

This awareness brings some of the deeper challenges of celebrating love and comfort into view. Humans need love and comfort. Humans can give love and comfort. But often the giving becomes the role of some and the receiving the roles of others. I believe that one of the subversive narratives of faith is inverting those roles, and making the giving of love, comfort, and nurture the role of all people - especially the ones in power.

So, dear ones, may we receive the wonderful mothering of the Divine and of the people of faith, and may we soak in love and comfort so that we are able to share it with abundance.

Amen

[socialjusticeartshare]

'A soft place to settle': Clintonville family fosters unaccompanied minors from Honduras

At first, Andi Mocharski was intimidated by the idea of fostering older children, especially those who weren't fluent in English.

The Clintonville mother of four adopted children had only ever fostered younger kids who grew up speaking English, and the ones she was about to welcome into her home were a 10-year-old girl and a 14-year-old boy from Honduras. 

Refugees in Columbus: Biden policy flips dash hopes of local advocates

But it was more than that: They were unaccompanied minors who crossed the U.S-Mexico border alone. Their mom was still living in a camp there, and their father had been murdered.

Although Mocharski was nervous before the children moved in with her family in November, everything worked out fine.

Mocharski family fosters two children from Honduras

"Immediately they just kind of settled in," Mocharski said of the two children her family began to sponsor — the technical term for families who take in unaccompanied minors— right before Thanksgiving.

The kids oohed and aahed over the holiday turkey, reveled in hiking at Hocking Hills and found joy in the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium and the Franklin Park Conservatory. 

They jumped on the family's trampoline, went to the local skatepark and dressed up with Mocharski's children — Jack, 7; 12-year-old twins Noah and Adam; and Caroline, 16 — asking Mocharski to draw lightning bolts on their foreheads and saying spells, magic wand in hand, just like Harry Potter.

"They're just really normal kids," Mocharski said. "They love to do normal things."

'Back to being a refugee': Family displaced from Columbus apartments feels trauma again

The children, who are not being identified out of concern for their safety, crossed the US-Mexico border several months before the Mocharski family met them. They were sent across without their mother, who remained behind in a camp as part of the Trump administration's "Remain in Mexico" protocol for those seeking asylum in the United States.

Their father had been murdered by gang members in Honduras, causing the family to flee north in hopes of finding safety in America, Mocharski said.

'Not safe places', 'A lot of kidnappings going on': Unaccompanied children cross border

Kelly Porter, a Columbus native who began volunteering at the border in 2019 when the "Remain in Mexico" policy began, was the one who made the connection between the children and Columbus.

"I knew the mother from the camp and, like many parents, with despair they send their kids ahead to family or friends," said Porter, who is the founder ofLove Without Lines, an organization that assists migrants at the border. "Mexico, especially border towns, are not safe places and at this time there were a lot of kidnappings going on. So their mother sent them up to be with friends in Houston."

Refugee 'crisis': Ohio GOP Sen. Rob Portman leads bipartisan delegation to US-Mexico border

Since October 2020, more than 47,000 unaccompanied children have crossed the border, according to U.S. Customs and Border Protection. Under President Joe Biden, children are being allowed into the country, but many adults are not due to a COVID-19-related policy begun under Donald Trump in March 2020 and continued by Biden.

Although the children's story of crossing the border alone is a common one lately, these children's path once they entered the United States is not.

Once unaccompanied minors enter the country, they are taken into custody by Customs and Border Protection and then transferred to the care of the Office of Refugee Resettlement (ORR), according to the federal agency. From there, a sponsor is located to take care of the children until — and if — they can be reunited with their parents.

Most children crossing the border are coming to live with someone they know in the United States, said Mocharski. They are placed by the ORR first with a parent or legal guardian, or, if that's not possible, with a close relative.

The last resort is a distant relative or an unrelated adult, such as Mocharski, according to the ORR. Some children stay in ORR custody for long periods of time.

"Their somebodies didn't work out for them," Mocharski said of the children from Honduras.

Reunited: Somali father back with family in Columbus after years of separation due to 'Muslim ban'

Their mother begged Porter to help in any way she could.

"She came to me crying one day ... so I called my friend Amy," Porter said.

Coming to Columbus

Amy Bradley, of Clintonville, and her husband, Chris, organized a way for the kids to come to Columbus and stay with the couple and their own two children. 

"The kids were going to end up basically in foster care, perhaps separated," said Bradley, who has a background in social work and was able to get clearance from children's services in Texas to send the kids to live with her. "It was an emergency situation, and we knew we didn't want them going into foster care with the possibility of being separated."

Help in court:New program trains non-lawyers to assist asylum seekers who have no legal counsel

They lived for three months with the Bradleys before moving in with the Mocharskis after Bradley's mother-in-law got COVID-19 and needed more care from the family. 

The Mocharskis' lives have been changed by welcoming two Honduran children into their home for about six months, Mocharski said.

"This has been something we're going to remember forever," said Mocharski, adding that the children will finish out the school year before going to Texas to be reunited with their mother, who crossed the border recently and now is in the process of seeking asylum.

Waiting game:Immigration court backlog has nearly doubled under Trump

Mocharski said she first learned about the kids in early November when she got a call from someone at the church the family attended, First Unitarian Universalist on the North Side. Jan Phillips, facilitator for the church's racial and immigration justice group, told Mocharski that there were two children who needed a new place to stay — would the Mocharskis take them in?

At first, Mocharski said she tried to find anyone else to take the children. She already had four of her own, and the family lived in a Clintonville home with one bathroom.

"I wanted to make sure wherever they landed they were going to get the best care," Mocharski said.

Then, she talked to her husband, Jim, and she said they knew deep down that their family was probably the best place for the children.

Read more:Language a barrier in getting coronavirus information to all

"We kind of knew how to get settled and knew the steps to give kids a soft place to settle," she said, adding that all four her own children were fostered and then adopted. "Once you've done it, you kind of know."

Sharing the trauma

As they became more comfortable in their new home, the kids also began to share some of their trauma and grief with the family, she said. The boy often wanted to talk at night, using Google Translate to communicate his feelings to Mocharski, though his English has improved since he arrived.

Losing their father and then being separated from their mother has been hard on the children.

"We kind of had to take it day by day, hour by hour," Mocharski said. "I felt like I needed to protect them."

COVID-19:Coronavirus has been especially dangerous to immigrants. Here's why

The whole experience has become a way for the Mocharskis to show their own children their values, she said.

"There's always room for somebody," she said. "There's enough love to go around."

When the family took the kids in, they didn't know about their history or the trauma they had faced in their home country or during their journey to the United States, she said. Right away, Mocharski found the children a therapist, her family started learning Spanish and Caroline gave up her room for a small alcove off the kitchen, so the siblings could have their own space to share.

Caroline said she has enjoyed having the other kids in her home, and it has taught her to have gratitude for what she has.

Painful distance:How Trump immigration policies have kept refugee families separated across continents

"They came here and they were like, 'Meat! You have meat!'" Caroline said. "They were just very excited."

She remembers going grocery shopping with them and the wonder they experienced at all of the options in the store.

First Unitarian Universalist members donated gift cards and meals, and Mocharski started a GoFundMe page to help purchase things the children needed, including clothing and healthcare, since they do not have insurance.

The ongoing fundraiser, called "A Healthy Home For Unaccompanied Minors,"has a goal of $30,000, and Mocharski wants to send the kids to Texas with whatever else is raised. 

Safe haven:One-of-a-kind school gives refugees resettled in Columbus a sense of belonging

Two weeks ago, the children got to see their mother, who came to Columbus and spent a week in an Air BnB with them. They are finishing the school year in Columbus at Fugees Academy, a private school for refugee children on the Northeast Side, before they go to live with her and be a family once again.

In the meantime, Mocharski has been happy to welcome them into her family.

"I feel like we were in the right place at the right time for these kiddos," Mocharski said. 

dking@dispatch.com

@DanaeKing

Article Source

[sea-lilli]

Breisheet Bara Eloheem

My first post as an anonymous blogger- how exciting! It’s so freeing to write while knowing I’ll never reveal this to anyone. Most of my other work is all attached to my name: because it focuses on trauma, and I think it’s healing to attach a name and a face to those things, for the people who are still working through the fears of revealing their trauma. But, I’m tired of trauma and I have healed from it fully, and I don’t think my audience is ready for what I’m putting out. It’s just so healing, and people are so scared. I have limited myself for a year, just posting memes instead of real content on my social medias. But now, I am free because I am anonymous :)

So, an intro to me: I am fairy. I'm not “out” to the people in my life, but it’s a big part of who I am right now. I have been writing since I was 14 years old, and my writing (and art) can heal, sometimes too fast for people, but I am learning control, and it’s all for the better, anyway. I am “exclusive” with someone who I’ve been on & off with for about a year, and I’m secretly in love with him.

My trauma is that my bio-dad tortured my immediate family and me with mental, verbal, emotional, spiritual, physical and sexual abuse (you name it, he did it, and regularly!) for all of my childhood years. He raped me at 15 years old. He did the same to my sister much earlier, though hers was much more frequent instead of a one time event. I knew, though, going through it and I knew to get help, but I chose to stay for my mom and sister, because of skewed thought processes. 

I finally escaped my abuse at 18 when I got married to my first husband, 21 when started counseling and started setting healthier boundaries, 25 or so when I went “no contact” with anybody in my family other than my sister, 27 or so when I had a spiritual and religious healing experience, which led to a divorce after almost 10 years of marriage, regained healthy contact with my mom through that, and now, at around 30 years old, I am finally phasing out of counseling for the traumas I’ve endured, because I no longer need it. I will never talk to my bio-dad again, but I have worked very hard on forgiving him... with boundaries.

I have gone to college and graduated, but I spent my 20s being horribly depressed, and so I don’t have the 10 year experience others my age have towards working in their desired careers. However, I live off grid on my own land, and so my expenses are so low that it doesn’t matter. I have a lot of freedom that others my age don’t have, though I don’t have the family benefits or career benefits they had.

I am heavily involved in my church (Mormon), though I don’t agree with everything they say. I go to Jesus Church each Sunday for the first hour sacrament and then immediately jump in my car and head to Unitarian Universalist church for a sermon, “social hour” and then, sometimes a class after. I used to go to both hours of Jesus Church, but they changed the timing and this is how it works out for now. It will change each year though, but I spend a lot of time in church between my two churches each Sunday. It’s my favorite day. I also attend any other churches that I feel drawn to: my friend is catholic, and I’m thinking of asking to also attend her Spanish-speaking service every once in a while, and I’ve gone to Pagan rituals, Jewish ceremonies, etc (via UU Church).

My religion is pretty eclectic, and I kind of make it up as I go along. But, I have a very strong underlying belief in Heavenly Father. He is the one who healed me from my mental illnesses, after only having been converted for about a year into the Mormon faith, and that was life-changing, because I was extremely secular before. I also believe in Heavenly Mother, who I am now actively attempting to develop a relationship with, after years of being told to shun her. I identified before with my trauma and shaped my personality around it, so when I healed so fast and stopped identifying with it, people were very scared. My healing challenged their own issues, but I pushed through it. I still have a pretty scarred relationship with the people who reacted so badly before.

I am politically very liberal and very feminist, and very much a (lazy) activist. I believe in Marriage Equality, and am pro-choice. I follow the Words of Wisdom, but I’ve reframed the Law of Chastity, because I think the one that’s existing is extremely problematic, and I didn’t see a change happening anytime soon. I follow my own rules for intrinsic reasons, not because somebody tells me to do it.

I love the prophet, though, as most Mormons do, and I pray for him when I remember. I love all the changes he is bringing, and I think he is held back from making more positive changes by some of the more conservative members (looking at you, Oaks!).

A lot of my beliefs make me different from the other Mormons, and I think sometimes if they knew, they would excommunicate me, because I’m not sorry for the differences. This is what religion is for, for developing your own personal relationship with your Heavenly Parents and acting accordingly. I am sorry that more people don’t have the courage to live authentically. I know that I’m not the only one with conflicting viewpoints, but I am one of the only ones who actively expresses it. Either way, even if I did face excommunication for my beliefs, I would still attend regularly. I am a handful. :) 

I love the Mormon church though, for the people. I had a lot of religious pain growing up with my distorted family, but Mormonism has erased a lot of it, because they’re just.. different. And they care, and actively try to be better people, which matches my personal value system.

Let’s see...

There are so many logistics to this anonymity! I’ll need to come up with a master list with all the different aliases so I can keep them straight. Or, maybe not- it seems like a lot of effort to keep up with. I’ll do some research! I also need to get a privacy screen, because I’m kind of digging writing out in plain site. I hope one day to monetize my blog, but that’s so far off. Right now, I just want to focus on building a support community while being able to be freely and uniquely me in an online space, without all of the judgement that comes from attaching your name to your work. I’m going to try to update regularly, as this is going to be one of my healthy supports I’m developing to wean myself off of counseling.

But I’m done writing for now. See you next time :)

-Lilli

[jenroses]

oh man, I’m having some feelings right now.

Mom is a lapsed* Episcopalian. Dad is 100% Ashkenazi Jew, but raised by his atheist father and his Catholic stepmother, converted to the Episcopal church when I was an adult, but he doesn’t go either. The family joke is that Mom is a lapsed Episcopalian and Dad is a lapsed Jew and what am I? A lapsed Unitarian Universalist** Toss into that... 2 years of catholic grade school. 

Dad’s near family did not, as far as we know, die in the holocaust, because they’d gotten the hell outta dodge when there were pogroms in Poland and Ukraine Soviet Russia oh, bout a hundred years ago, give or take a couple. So ehhh 15 years before Hitler started really rounding people up, 20 years before he started invading the countries they were from. 

I’d taken communion voluntarily at age 4 because I was mad that they wouldn’t let me have snacks with everyone else. (seriously, that’s it. I wanted wine and wafers and I had already had them once when someone watching me didn’t know I hadn’t been baptized yet, and I KNEW what they were and wanted ‘em.) But that’s significantly more thought than most Episcopalians put into whether or not they should get baptized, so I dove into learning about Christianity, and later Catholicism, the way I tend to dive into learning about anything.

There were a lot of pretty stories. I mean, the idea of being kind to people who we don’t understand and feeding the poor and taking care of little children and healing the sick, that’s pretty appealing. And hey, wine and little wafers, which were sensory-good for me. 

And I lived a benignly protestant life (little P) while my parents explained different religions in pretty inclusive terms. Aunt J was a Jews-for-Jesus Lutheran, and Dad wearied rapidly of her efforts to convert him, but you know, we got along just fine. Mom’s people were mostly Episcopalians except for the odd Methodist.

Then we moved from the urban Midwest to rural Oregon. (Think, culturally, oh, somewhere between Georgia and Oklahoma but with more loggers.) And the first school I went to was a public school, but then we were moving a lot as my parents bought a property, and they didn’t like the district we’d ended up in, so they sent me to the Catholic school. Upside? I had a horse and chickens and geese and stuff, and learned how to accompany singing using only the guitar chords. Downside? Mandatory religious education, going to school with a small town’s version of the “upper” class while not having money, and they didn’t even let me have any wafers. 

I think the point at which I stopped being enamored of Christianity (tm) and Catholicism (specifically) was when another 10 year old said my last name and asked, “Are you Jewish?” 

I frowned. “Not anymore, I got baptized. My dad is.”

And I’ll never forget how she turned from me and said, “Oh, so your people killed Jesus.”

And over the next year I heard blood libel and all of the horrible things, and my parents were a tonic, and my dad started buying books about Jewish history, and he did a Seder at the Catholic school 2 years running, and though he came to the father-daughter square dances with me, he ALSO taught them the hora and I learned what Hebrew sounded like when sung. And the antisemitism stopped being so constant. 

As a teenager I read all the holocaust books I could get my hands on, trying to understand, and then went further back because I knew my family hadn’t been around in Europe for that, and further, because the town I was in was actually named after someone who was probably Jewish but changed his name to sound less Jewish and no one in the town really knew that until I showed up with a name almost-the-same as the town. No relation, though, or not any more relation than any Ashkenazi jew. (We’re all related, 23&me says so.)

And I hit high school and advanced classes and got a history teacher who loved my desire to learn about my roots and I did a thesis paper (joint, with history and English both receiving the same paper by design) on the Jewish Diaspora and got an A+ from the history teacher and a D from the evangelical christian English teacher (on the grounds of formatting mistakes, but that’s another story entirely. My end grade was an A for his class, he didn’t dare do otherwise once Mom was finished with the assistant principal.)

Somewhere in that process, it became obvious to me at a bone deep level that if any of the dogmatic religions were even a little bit correct, pretty much all of the Catholics and Christians I met were all being incredibly presumptuous. I’m too tired for militancy on this, but I was as close to a militant agnostic as one can be and not actually go around punching people in the face for their sanctimonious hypocrisy.

Anyway, yeah, I was forcefed a lot of Catholic doctrine and studied Judaism though I have never, ever been particularly observant, and I feel the same way about this original post as I did when someone told me to catch the dodgeball and then threw it at my face (also Catholic school) hard enough to leave a mark.

Pretending it’s “all in the past” ignores that the person who spouted antisemitism at me is currently less than 50 years old. A lot of people who were awful when we were kids have become very kind people as they grew up, but I’ll never know about her, because I’m in contact with them because they apologized and reached out, and she... didn’t.

And I’d still be salty about the wafers, but I’m gluten free now, and figured out how to make gluten free matzo balls a few months ago. 

*Lapsed=the church she doesn’t go to, as opposed to all the churches she’s never gone to.  **Yeah, I know, I know, but we haven’t been in years and while they don’t mind, it’s funnier that way.

When Catholics and Jewish people discuss their shared religious, historical and liturgical roots:

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Helping Hands, Epilogue

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five| Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten| Chapter Eleven | Chapter Twelve | Chapter Thirteen | Chapter Fourteen | Chapter Fifteen | Chapter Sixteen | Chapter Seventeen | Chapter Eighteen| Chapter Nineteen | Chapter Twenty | Chapter Twenty-One | Chapter Twenty-Two 

Epilogue: Second Hand News 

(four years later)

Tony looked so heartbreakingly good in a tux that Bucky forgot he was supposed to be looking at the bride. He couldn’t have taken his eyes off Tony if someone had paid him.

The entrance march music started and everyone else in the cathedral turned to watch as Pepper walked up the aisle, her red hair streaming out from under the veil, caught in curls and braids and dotted with flowers. Bucky glanced at her once and turned his attention back to the front of the church, where Tony was resplendent, the elegant double-vested silver-gray tux fit him to perfection. Nothing Tony ever wore was less than perfect, but this outfit was sublime, from the simple flower in his lapel to the puffed black and silver pocket handkerchief and all the way down to his polished and gleaming shoes.

Pepper made her way up the aisle, her hand light on her escort’s arm -- Bucky though it was a cousin, Pepper’s parents being long gone -- her pale skin nearly blending in with her dress.

She got to the front and her groom stepped down to take her hands in his; Pepper’d cut the bit about actually being given away, in an epic rant that she’d obviously prepared over a lot of time and was rather flabbergasted when no one had argued with her.

“It’s your wedding, Ginger Snaps,” Tony had said. “Whatever you want goes.”

“Stop starin’ at the best man, firecracker,” Clint said, leaning over and whispering in his ear. “People are gonna think you’re in love.”

Bucky shoved his brother-in-law, probably not as discreetly as he should have, given the looks he got from some of the military guys that were on the groom’s side. Air Farce assholes. Bucky gave them his best shit-eating grin and jerked his chin toward the front of the church. Pay attention, that look said.

Steve, who was really too old to be squirming as much as he was, kept shifting from side to side, trying to see around the lady in front of him. To be fair, she did have an enormous hat. Of course, Steve’s interest was probably less about the wedding and more because someone had told him that the Unitarian Universalist minister who was performing the ceremony, Dr. Stephen Strange, was also a stage magician in his spare time, and Steve was convinced that it would be really cool if Dr. Strange would conjure the rings up, or spill flowers out of his wand.

After Dr. Strange called the audience to attention, he lifted a brilliantly purple hardcover book and read from a section near the middle.

(mobile readers, ‘ware the read more.)

“What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen each other in all labour, to minister to each other in all sorrow to share with each other in all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent unspoken memories.

“When love beckons to you, follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep, and when his wings enfold you, yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe him, though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed: For love is sufficient unto love.

“James Rhodes and Virginia Potts, you have invited us to be with you today as witnesses to your affirmation of the happiness that you have found together, and to the pledge through which you publicly express your personal commitment to one another.

“The ceremony in which we now join marks neither a beginning nor an end in your relationship, but one step in a continuing process of change and growth. Growth is an essential part of marriage as it is an essential part of life. Your relationship must keep unfolding into new dimensions, but if you can keep in step as you go forward together, your marriage will remain a source of new strength and insight.”

Bucky lost track of the ceremony after that, occupied in getting Steve to sit down and still for five minutes, for pity’s sake, and in watching Tony beam proudly as his best friend married the woman he’d been pining over for what Bucky had been told was nearly a decade.

Tony did the typical fumbling through his pockets when they got to the exchange of rings, Pepper was blushing furiously and giggling at the same time, so overjoyed at getting married that even though she was trying to glare at Tony, she failed utterly.

Finally, the rings were discovered -- exactly where Bucky had tucked them two hours before, of course -- and Pepper swore to have and hold, for better and worse, in sickness and health, in front of these witnesses, one James Rhodes, for as long as they lived.

Rhodey made the same vow, then drew the bride’s veil away from her face and tenderly kissed his wife as if it was the first time he’d ever pressed his lips to hers. On the far side of Clint, Natasha sniffled and drew a hankie out of her purse to dab at her eyes.

Strange introduced the couple to the congregation as Colonel and Mrs. Potts-Rhodes.

“And there was much rejoicing,” Clint quipped in Bucky’s ear in a terrible British accent. “Time to hit the open bar, right, firecracker?”

“Tell me about it,” Bucky said. He wasn’t even in the wedding party and the morning had been a fucking nightmare, starting with trying to find Rhodey, who’d gotten so drunk at the bachelor party that he’d fallen asleep in the closet of Tony’s hotel room. And then Rhodey’s mom’s preacher had shown up and been a little indignant that Pepper had insisted on a (mostly) secular wedding.

Tony had misplaced the rings (no, he hadn’t, he was just jittery, and Bucky had found them on three separate occasions because Tony kept setting the box down and forgetting where he’d put it) and then there’d been a mistake with the flowers. The maid of honor, Maria, had handled that, and if there was something still wrong with the flowers, Bucky couldn’t tell what it was.

Bucky had repeated the only advice that Big Jim had ever given him that meant a damn, “If you’re married at the end of the service, it was a successful wedding.”

The bride and groom exited under the Arch of Sabres, then dashed around to the back of the church for photographs. Bucky sighed; the wedding party and family would be posing for a wide variety of photos, so he wouldn’t see Tony again until the reception. He grabbed a couple bottles of soap bubbles and then tried to prevent Steve from using them all up immediately.

On the other hand, once they were outside the church, Steve found Peggy and they started chasing each other around. Amanda Carter’s husband was, as it turned out, friends with Rhodes, some joint American-British airman thing. Which was great, because it gave Steve someone to annoy that wasn’t Bucky, for a few minutes, at least.

“I hear we’re going to be calling you Dr. Barnes soon,” said Tony’s friend, Bruce, coming up behind him.

Bucky waved a hand. “Another year,” he said, “and then I still have to do my defense. But yeah, school’s going well. Hey Betty, good to see you again.” He turned to greet Bruce’s wife, the daughter of Secretary Ross. Bucky was getting good at mingling with people that he’d previously considered way above his station. Betty, at least, was delightful. Secretary Ross, not so much, but the man was too busy and important to attend the wedding of a mere Colonel.

Finally, Rhodes and his wife exited the chapel under a rain of soap bubbles, while Pepper laughed and Rhodey grinned so hard it looked like his face would split in half. They stopped, kissed passionately, and then climbed into the limo. Bucky smirked as Rhodes got lost in a pile of white fluffy dress before the door shut and they drove off.

Tony draped himself around Bucky’s shoulders. “Always a bridesmaid and never a bride,” he said.

“Can’t imagine why,” Bucky said, turning and meeting Tony halfway in a quick kiss. “My boy looks amazing in a tux.” He brushed a non-existent speck off Tony’s coat.

“C’mon, let’s get to the reception, I’m starving.”

“Well, if you’d eaten breakfast this morning, like I told you…”

“You two sound like an old married couple already,” Clint said.

“Shut up,” Bucky said, shoving Clint again. Which started an actual pushing fight that only broke up when Natasha threatened to show them that she could, actually, carry concealed and wear a slinky red dress at the same time. Much as Bucky wanted to challenge her on that, he was afraid that his sister-in-law probably was armed and the less he knew about that, the better.

“I swear,” Natasha said, taking her husband’s arm and smacking him with her tiny pocketbook. “I don’t know how you two made it to adulthood.”

Bucky managed an offended sniff. “Excuse you, I’m still not an adult.”

“Feed me,” Tony declared, tugging on Bucky’s arm. “Or I am going to kill and eat the weakest member of the party.”

“Steve!” Bucky twisted his head around, looking for his son.

“Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad,” Steve said, grabbing a handful of Bucky’s jacket. “C’n I ride with Peggy, Dad, can I, can I, can I?”

“Steve, you’re almost twelve, not six. Can we ask a little less like you’re trying out to be George of the Jungle?”

Steve snorted, looking disgusted. “May I please ride with Mrs. Carter and Peggy? Mrs. Carter already said I could, if it was okay with you.”

“Go on, then,” Bucky said. “I’ll see you at the reception.” Steve ran off, not breathing hard at all. The new treatments, a series of injections that Steve had been getting for the last eight months, had really made a difference. Four years ago, Bucky would never have been able to afford prescriptions like that, brand-new, semi-experimental drugs, but now? Things were so much better, so different.

He turned a warm smile at his boyfriend.

“What?” Tony met his gaze with a warm look. “You’re looking at me like you’re going to bite me. You ate breakfast, I remember this. You don’t have an excuse.”

“What, I can’t kiss you just because I want to?”

“Oh, absolutely, you can do that, any time you want,” Tony said.

“No, you can’t,” Clint said, shoving at the center of Bucky’s back. “Neck later. Drive now.”

Bucky put one arm around his brother-in-law, slung the other around Tony’s waist, and steered them off toward the parking lot.

A few hours later Bucky was nicely tipsy and well fed. He’d danced with Tony several times, taken the bride on a quick spin around the floor, and now the reception was drawing to a close.

“Why do I have to stand with the single ladies?” Bucky protested as Wanda dragged him into the crowd.

“Because you’re so much prettier than Tony, Uncle Bucky,” she said, giggling. J’s ring glittered on her finger. As the story went, she’d been managing the band on tour for so long, J had decided to make it official and hire her as the boss of him. It wasn’t a romantic proposal, as far as Bucky had been concerned, but Wanda had loved it. Four months from now, he’d be at yet another wedding.

“I have an unfair advantage,” Bucky said, grinning at the rest of the women, “as I’m a good eight inches taller than most--”

Pepper’s bouquet hit him right in the face and he caught it by surprised accident.

“That was deliberate,” one of the girls protested.

When Rhodey flicked Pepper’s garter right into Tony’s waiting hands, Bucky changed his mind. It wasn’t deliberate so much as it was a fucking clue by four.

Tony slipped the garter over his wrist like a bracelet. “You think they’re trying to tell us something?”

“Nothing I haven’t already thought about,” Bucky confessed.

“Yeah?” Tony asked. “Doesn’t say much that you’re thinking, not acting.”

“Waiting for the perfect moment,” Bucky said.

“Well, maybe this is it.”

“Wait,” Bucky said. “Am I misreading this, or did you just sort of lame-ass propose to me?”

“Somebody had to do it,” Tony said. He tipped his head to the side, grinning. “So? Will you marry me, James Barnes?”

Bucky gaped at him for a moment, then pulled his boyfriend -- his fiancé? -- into his arms. “Oh, hell yes! Yes, yes, yes!”

Newsday.com

Billionaire industrialist Anthony Stark’s publicist announced today on Twitter his engagement to longtime partner James Barnes, Director of Family Services in New York City. Barnes, a former special forces operative and widower, has one son from his previous marriage, Steven. The wedding will be held privately at Stark’s family mansion in Utica in six weeks.

“Darcy sent you more press clippings?” Tony looked up from the schematic he was adjusting.

“This one’s nicer than some of the others,” Bucky said. He leaned over and kissed Tony’s cheek. “I didn’t even have to take my shirt off.”

“Not that I’d object,” Tony pointed out.

“You want my shirt off, you do it,” Bucky said, smirking.

“Sure,” Tony said. “I’ll give you a hand with that.”

A/N: again, I want to say thank you to everyone who’s read, commented, kudos and otherwise been extremely supportive of this fic. You can find the entire work either by clicking the chapter links at the top, or by following my A03 [x] account. 

If this sort of fic (romance, no powers, AU) is something you like, please stick around. Starting next week, @everyworldneedslove and I ( @tisfan ) will be presenting a very long work called Safe and (the) Sound, which is a very Nickolas Sparks treatment of a winteriron romance. With a side helping of Natalia/Steve and Sam/Wanda (if you squint REALLY hard)

[longislandweekly-blog]

Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Central Nassau hosts candlelight vigil to end immigrant detention camps

Approximately 300 Long Islanders gathered to hold vigil for migrant asylum seekers who are being held in detention camps at the U.S.-Mexico border. (Photos by Kimberly Dijkstra)

On the evening of July 12, Garden City stood in solidarity with more than 700 other vigils across the country to denounce inhumane conditions in detention camps at the U.S. southern border. Instead of spending their Friday night at the Seventh Street Promenade or seeing Toy Story 4, several hundred residents gathered at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Central Nassau to listen to local leaders speak and to hold a candlelight vigil at the busy intersection of Stewart Avenue and Nassau Boulevard.

Elizabeth Gonzalez, worship arts chair of the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Central Nassau, began the event called Lights for Liberty: A Vigil to End Human Concentration Camps by thanking attendees “for being here for Lights for Liberty, to take a stand against the horrific atrocities and human rights violations that are being carried out in our name right now.”

She continued, “The flaming chalice represents many things to Unitarian Universalists. It represents the light of truth and the light within each of us. And so…we will be lighting up the corner of Stewart Avenue and Nassau Boulevard tonight to shine a light on the atrocities being committed against asylum seekers and refugees and to bring light…to the darkness of our world.”

Gonzalez said that she invited representatives of the neighborhood, including Town Councilman Thomas Muscarella, Mayor of Garden City Theresa Trouvé, Town of Hempstead Supervisor Laura Gillen, County Legislator Laura Schaefer, Nassau County Executive Laura Curran, State Assemblyman Ed Ra, State Senator Kevin Thomas and Congresswoman Kathleen Rice, and that she was told they had prior engagements.

Assemblywoman Michaelle Solages said child abuse is unacceptable.

Assemblywoman Michaelle Solages accepted the invitation. Gonzalez said that Solages is “a strong advocate and dominant force within her community. From her close ties to immigrant communities, she has used her voice to champion issues facing new Americans.” Solages was recently appointed chair of the Task Force on New Americans and serves as first vice-chair to the New York State Black, Puerto Rican, Hispanic and Asian Legislative Caucus.

Solages said that she could not stand silent while children are abused at the border.

“For all the elected officials who are staying silent, who think that…this is too politically dangerous for me to say something, shame on you,” she said. “I could be home with my 9-month child…but I cannot be silent. And so I call on the federal legislators, especially here on Long Island…to stop funding this agency that is raiding our community—ICE—to stop giving these terrorists, as I call them, funding.”

Dr. Richard Koral spoke about compassion, empathy and hospitality.

Richard Koral, leader of the Ethical Society of Long Island, began by asking the crowd to imagine if compassion ruled U.S. policy.

“The practice of hospitality is one of the most ancient features of a civilized life,” he said. “This is breaking one of the most basic rules of civilization, to shun people in their hour of need. These are refugees. These are asylum seekers…These are people who are suffering and who are escaping situations that we helped create.”

Koral also specified that the MS-13 gang originated in Los Angeles and was exported to Central America.

Town Clerk Sylvia Cabana called the crisis at the border a humanitarian issue, not a partisan issue. She recounted a story of a time she was traveling with her daughter and an airport worker took her aside for inspection at security.

“[My daughter] was hysterical, hysterical, and that was for the two minutes that her mom was out of her sight,” Cabana said. “How are we making these children feel? This is not right. We are scarring these children for life.”

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The crowd applauded when Town Clerk Sylvia Cabana arrived.

Cabana spoke impassionately about her upbringing as the daughter of immigrants in Garden City.

Cabana also spoke about being the child of immigrants. Her mother came from Cuba and her father came from Argentina in 1961.

“I was taught to be very proud of my background like I’m sure many of you were taught to be proud,” she said. “What the Trump administration is doing to demonize these people is wrong….They are coming here seeking asylum. They are coming here to make a better life for themselves, just the way our families came to make a better life for themselves.”

A frequent speaker at immigrants’ rights events, Patrick Young is the downstate advocacy director of the New York Immigration Coalition and former program director at CARECEN (Central American Refugee Center), which provides legal assistance to immigrant communities on Long Island.

“I have worked in this field for 35 years, through five different presidents, and I’ve been asked, ‘Isn’t this how things have happened in the past? How is this different from Bush, or Obama, or Reagan?’” he said. “Let me tell you something. The children who struggled to our door at CARECEN over the last six months are in the worst shape of any refugees that CARECEN has ever seen. They are worse than the escapees from the death squads in the 1980s, from the massacres in El Salvador and Guatemala. These are our children who are not just traumatized by what they suffered in their home country, but by what they suffered here.”

Patrick Young has spent his career advocating for immigrants.

Young continued with a story about a mother and child, named Samir, that his wife became the caretaker of.

“My wife sat with them for the first day that she met them, and then at the end of the day, as they were preparing for bed, she said, ‘now let me take Samir to the bathroom so he can take a shower.’ Samir began to cry and his mother became upset,” Young explained. “When [my wife] was able to calm them and ask them why they were upset, they said because the last time someone from the border patrol had told them he was going to go for a shower, they didn’t see each other again for 52 days.”

Young went on to say that this should not happen in the United States.

“These are cowardly abuses,” he said. “As we know, these children were returned to their parents traumatized, and as we know, a few of these children never returned to their parents. We as American citizens have to pray. We have to stand up. We have to speak to our neighbors. We have to be on the streets. And we have to be at the voting booths.”

Nikhil Goyal spoke about the history of turmoil in Central America as well as how Long Islanders can hold their representatives accountable.

Sociologist and cofounder of Young Progressives of Nassau County Nikhil Goyal spoke for several minutes to provide context for the border crisis. Goyal referenced the overthrow of a democratically elected government in Guatemala in 1954 by the CIA, the genocide of indigenous people in Guatemala which ensued under a dictator, the United States funding of Contras in Nicaragua which resulted in the murders of hundreds of thousands of civilians, a 2009 military coup of democratically elected Manuel Zelaya and subsequent recognition and financial support of a right-wing government that has killed thousands, including activists, trade unionists, journalists and judges.

“It is no coincidence that those individuals are fleeing violence and instability and trying to come here,” Goyal said. “It is a little bit rich for us as a country to deny refuge to the very people who are fleeing the violence that we created in the first place.”

Goyal continued, “I tell the people who don’t want undocumented people in this country, let’s stop supporting right-wing death squads and stop overthrowing democratically elected governments in Central America. Then they won’t be coming here to this country for stability.”

Goyal went on to describe the border funding bill that passed in late June. Two versions of the bill were introduced, one in the House which would provide humanitarian aid and stringent oversight of immigrant detention centers, and one in the Senate which had far fewer provisions. The Senate version passed.

“The U.S. House voted the Mitch McConnell Republican Senate bill, including Democrats like Kathleen Rice and Tom Suozzi,” Goyal said, taking aim at local legislators. “They both voted to reauthorize ICE in the Department of Homeland Security Act in 2017….The Congressional Hispanic Caucus opposed that bill because they viewed it as racist and xenophobic and un-American.”

Sharon Golden spoke out against the unsanitary conditions of many detention facilities as well as the trauma inflicted on children by the strict rules enforced.

Like other speakers, Goyal called on residents to call their representatives.

“Our demands must be very clear and simple. Close the immigration detention centers. Reunite the families. And end all ICE deportation raids,” Goyal said. “It is our job to tell our representatives to say clearly not one more dollar for kids in cages. Not one more dollar for ICE deportation raids. Not one more dollar for family separation. Not one more dollar for human rights abuses. Our tax dollars should not be funding these violations of basic American norms and rights.”

In closing, Goyal said, “At this unprecedented time in American history, we are being tested as Americans, tested as human beings tested as people who believe in humanity and justice. We are being tested the same way Americans were tested and confronted with the horrors of slavery, with Jim Crow white supremacist terror, with Japanese internment camps, with the Nazi genocide of Jewish people, with violence against civil rights protesters, and more recently the Muslim ban and neo-Nazi violence in Charlottesville. The question I ask myself and the question I believe many of you ask yourselves is when my children and grandchildren ask me what I did when immigrant children were being ripped out of the arms of mothers and fathers, when children were being put in cages, when families were being destroyed by ICE, will I say that I engaged in business as usual or did I raise my voice and fight against this injustice? Did I put my body on the line to defend human rights and decency? So what will your answer be?”

Nassau Director of the New York Civil Liberties Union (NYCLU) Susan Gottehrer took the stage next to share her sense of outrage and disgust, and connect the national issue to local issues.

“When we say family separation, everybody thinks of the southern border, but there are children in Nassau County going to bed every night not knowing if their family will be separated the next day,” Gottehrer said. “Our county executive has not only refused to distance herself from ICE, but is cooperating with ICE. The police commissioner has his officers accompanying ICE to people’s homes.”

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Sylvia Cabana lit a candle in solidarity with migrants who are suffering under the current administration’s policies.

Members of the community made signs.

In January, a disagreement between County Executive Curran, Commissioner Patrick Ryder and ICE agents in Nassau County resulted in the ICE trailer being moved from the front entrance of the Nassau County correctional center to a building on the adjacent Nassau University Medical Center campus. Gottehrer called Curran’s silence “complicity” and her guilt “crocodile tears.”

Curran condemned the targeting of immigrant families in Nassau County in a statement she released with Congressman Suozzi on July 12:

“We strongly condemn the President’s plan to target thousands of immigrant families across the United States this weekend. On Long Island, immigrants are a valued and essential part of our communities. They are students, veterans, small businesses owners and taxpayers. This needless operation is not only cruel and inhumane, but it also represents a massive misallocation of important federal resources…This policy will only further drive immigrant communities underground, it will lead to more family separations, and it will make us all less safe.”

Angel Martinez, representing the Teamsters Local 812 and the Teamsters Hispanic Caucus New York Chapter, said, “What’s happening now is a tragedy and I know the Statue of Liberty is crying every day because this is not what she stands for.”

As co-administrator of Together We Will Long Island, Sharon Golden seeks to educate and empower Long Islanders to take definition action to safeguard human rights, preserve democracy and demand that the government uphold these principles. The resistance group has organized other demonstrations opposing family separation and cruelty at the border.

“Those children that are being held…feel them for a moment, feel the trauma that they’re feeling,” Golden said while encouraging attendees to use their voices and call their representatives. “Don’t forget them—tomorrow, the next day, the day after. You have voices…Please, we beg you, use them.”

Passing vehicles honked their horns in support of the demonstration.

Following the prepared speeches, Garden City resident Karen Barnaby asked to say a few words. She told the audience that she emigrated from Germany when she was 3 or 4 years old in the 1940s.

“I was put in an orphanage, just for a month or so. I did not speak for a whole year. I don’t have a memory of it, but this is the kind of trauma that even under unexpected benign care will do,” she said. “These children are not experiencing anything benign. And a trauma that we can’t even imagine.”

She added, “I have always been proud of choosing America as my country. I am not becoming more than ashamed of America, and I am fighting like hell to change.”

Lights for Liberty vigils also took place the same evening in Huntington Station, Patchogue, Riverhead, Sag Harbor and Little Neck with hundreds in attendance, as well as larger gatherings in New York City and Washington D.C.

Editor’s note: A version of this article will appear in Garden City Life on July 24.

Hundreds gathered at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Central Nassau in Garden City on Friday for Lights for Liberty to denounce the inhumane treatment of asylum seekers in detention camps at the southern border. Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Central Nassau hosts candlelight vigil to end immigrant detention camps On the evening of July 12, Garden City stood in solidarity with more than 700 other vigils across the country to denounce inhumane conditions in detention camps at the U.S.

[kevinmoyer]

BEST REAL WEDDINGS OF 2017 :: Elegant Urban Garden Wedding at Bluxome Street Winery in San Francisco :: Elise & Rob

Our next two BEST WEDDINGS OF 2017 coincidentally are in San Francisco, and first up is Elise & Rob’s elegant fall wedding designed by Shannon Leahy Events…

Photography by Jen Huang.

When the bride is Lead Planner with the stellar team at Shannon Leahy Events, you know her wedding is going to be something special. Clean and elegant, with a crisp, cool palette of white, green and gray, bride Elise gathered a dream team of the best vendors in the business to help bring her vision of an urban garden to life – in wintertime San Francisco, no less. It just goes to show that being a little unconventional (Elise and her groom Rob were engaged for just two months, and had two weddings a year apart!) pays off when you’re doing what’s right for you – and do it with serious style.

Tell us about your dress. It’s a 1920s inspired, champagne beaded gown with a white tulle skirt – the Pisces gown by Badgley Mischka. It was the only wedding dress I’ve ever been personally drawn to, and was actually discontinued by the time I got married. I had to hunt one down!

Elise worked with her friends at Yonder Design on her elegant gray and white stationery suite. She tells us, “the stationery was one of my favorite aspects of the wedding design. Our save the date was inspired by a coaster we saw at a local restaurant that featured a vintage map of San Francisco. Yonder Design perfectly captured our ‘urban garden’ look using images and motifs from vintage English garden maps.”

The Ceremony

Why did you choose this location for your ceremony? Neither Rob nor I are religious, but we knew a church ceremony would be special for his mom so we decided to marry at the First Unitarian Universalist Society of San Francisco. It was nice for my parents too, as they were married in a Unitarian church. Plus, I loved its gorgeous woodwork.

How did you go about planning your ceremony? We worked with Rev John Buherens from the UU Church. Also, given I’m a wedding planner, I was able to consider all of the wonderful ceremonies I’ve helped couples plan in the past.

Your ceremony in three words. Family, tradition, classic.

What was your ceremony music? The church has an amazing pipe organ, so while we had strings for our processionals, the recessional was played on the organ. We chose my parents’ recessional song, The Widor Toccata.

What was your favorite thing about your wedding ceremony? Rob!

Aren’t Elise’s flower girls darling? She tells us, “my nieces took this duty very seriously! They wore Dessy Group dresses from Bella Bridesmaids in a soft dove grey. They are both 9 years old so I wanted something that wasn’t too ‘little girl’-y. In the same vein, rather than having them scatter petals we decided on them wearing beautiful floral head wreaths and carried floral garlands”.

Is there anything else that helps tell the story of your wedding? We met on match.com in July of 2013. We both knew immediately this was it for us and decided to get married that December. We ended up tying the knot on February 28th, 2014 in a small City Hall ceremony. When we decided to do a big wedding to celebrate with our friends and family we wanted to make sure to stay close to our one-year anniversary.

I spent a year planning the big wedding celebration. As a wedding planner this was a unique opportunity to share what I do with our family and friends. It was a completely different experience planning my own wedding, which surprised me. One of our planning associates stayed with the wedding party on the day, and Shannon (Owner of Shannon Leahy Events, where I am Lead Planner) oversaw the set up to ensure it looked just like I planned, and to ensure I could enjoy the day. Our team completely eliminated my stress! I definitely feel lucky to call my colleagues my friends.

On top of our Event Planning & Design team, all of our other vendors were also colleagues and good friends. One standout was my photographer Jen Huang, from Santa Barbara. She was actually my one out-of-town vendor that I wasn’t friends with already. Since our wedding we’ve actually had the pleasure of having her document my pregnancy and we look forward to getting family portraits soon, too!

The Reception

Why did you choose this location for your reception? We wanted a little piece of wine country in the city. We would have loved to have something outdoors in wine country, but the weather is too finicky that time of year. We found the perfect alternative at Bluxome Street Winery – it’s a beautiful working winery in the heart of the city! We love it’s concrete floors, vintage wine jug light fixtures and gorgeous wine barrel wall at the entry.

What inspired you when you were planning your wedding? I always wanted a garden wedding and love the outdoors and lush greenery, so when we ended up in an industrial space, it was important to me to bring the outside in. (Pro tip: plant rentals are an amazing way to make a big impact and define a space.) I wanted the existing architectural elements, as well as the rentals I selected, to look as if they had been overgrown with vines and greenery. I love the restaurant at the NOMO Soho Hotel in New York, and it was the starting point for my inspiration.

How would you describe your reception? A relaxed party atmosphere with a sophisticated black tie feel.

What was your first dance song? We chose You Send Me by Otis Redding. We love old blues and soul music — this is our song.

What type of cake did you serve? Our cake was decorated in light grey chocolate ganache and meandering vines. While the cake looked lovely, for us it was all about what was on the inside— delicious cake! We chose a lemon poppyseed cake with lemon curd, and a chocolate cake with hazelnut chocolate ganache.

What advice do you have for other couples in the midst of planning a wedding? Remember the wedding isn’t just for you – it’s just as much for your families – so if there’s difference of opinion, it’s another reason not to sweat the small stuff! Overall, don’t forget to focus on the big picture. It’s easy to get caught up in the details, but in the end the only thing that matters is marrying your best friend.

The post BEST REAL WEDDINGS OF 2017 :: Elegant Urban Garden Wedding at Bluxome Street Winery in San Francisco :: Elise & Rob appeared first on Snippet & Ink.

[tipsycad147]

Why do people become Pagan? The top ten reasons

Posted by Michelle Gruben on Mar 02, 2017

“Why are you Pagan?” If you were to ask this question of a dozen people, you would probably get a dozen different answers. For Christians (and others who believe in one true God) the revival of polytheism may be confounding. For others, it is hard to understand why a sensible modern person would seem to turn their back on science to worship the gods of old.

Before we get too far along, let's cover some background info. Paganism is defined broadly as non-Abrahamic religion that is Nature-based, polytheistic, or both. Wiccans, for instance, generally worship a creator Goddess and a God who is Her consort. The Wiccan cosmology does not acknowledge the existence of the Christian God (or the concepts of Satan and Hell).

Wicca is the best-known of modern Pagan religions, but there are many sub-groups and branches of Pagan belief and practice. Druidism, neo-Shamanism, Greek/Roman reconstructionism, and Norse Heathenry are just a few. There are also eclectic Pagans who combine elements from various traditions to make their own “flavor” of Paganism. While occult practices (e.g., divination and spellcasting) are common in Paganism, not all Pagans participate in these practices. Conversely, not everyone who is involved in the occult is a Pagan.

Most Pagans are polytheist, meaning they recognise the existence of more than one God. But there is more to Paganism than “the more, the merrier!” Here are some general traits of Pagan religions (keep in mind that not every religion will have them all): Rejection of Judeo-Christian cosmology, observance of seasonal rites, reverence toward Nature, rejection of religious authority and focus on individual experiences, paranormal/psychic beliefs and practices, emphasis on personal responsibility over sin or evil.

Not surprisingly, a preference for one or more of these traits is what attracts many people to Pagan religions—but we’ll get to that in a moment.

At the risk of stating the obvious, religion is a choice. If a person follows a Pagan religion, they are expressing a preference for Paganism over another religion, or no religion. Thinking about the reasons why people choose to become Pagan can lead to better understanding of Pagan friends and family. If you are Pagan, you may even learn something about yourself!

For the record, I’m Pagan in a mixed-religion household. This (totally unscientific) list is based on my own observations within the Pagan community. I’ve tried to present them in a way that’s inclusive and fair. Without further ado, here are some of the most common reasons why people choose to follow a Pagan religion:

1. They were raised Pagan.

Contemporary Pagan groups began forming in the 1930s, and achieved breakthrough status with the emergence of Wicca in the 1950s. Before that time, very few people in the West were raised Pagan. If you wanted to be initiated in a Pagan tradition, you had to seek one out—often at great expense to your personal or professional reputation.

Nowadays, that’s not the case. Neo-Paganism as a social/demographic phenomenon is in its third generation. It’s fairly common to find adults who were raised Pagan, or even whose parents were raised Pagan! It’s also possible to find those who were raised Pagan, but left Paganism. “Mom used to go out in the woods with her friends and do weird stuff—I never really got into it.”)

Some Pagan clergy will participate in the general blessing of infants and children, such as the ritual of “Wiccaning.” However, most Pagan paths do not have formal initiation for children. Pagans also overwhelmingly value religious choice. If someone continues their Pagan practice into adulthood, it is likely because they found something meaningful in it.

2. They want sexual acceptance and/or sexual freedom.

Of all the world religions, Paganism is arguably the most tolerant of the varied expression of human sexuality. Sex is considered a divine gift and a sacred rite. Lusty Gods and fertile Goddesses appear in all the major pantheons. (Along with gender-bending, raunchy stories, and other sexy fun.) For most Pagans, sex is just no big deal as long as it’s between consenting adults (or deities).

Pagan groups almost universally accept gay members, and some traditions even have queer or queer-leaning branches (Radical Faeries, Dianic Wicca). Pagan activists have been on the forefront of the struggle for equal rights. Compare that to the sluggish response of churches—even liberal churches—to embrace LGBTQ members and clergy, and you’ll understand why sexual minorities have been so attracted to Paganism. For people who are used to hearing their sexual desires called dirty, sinful, or shameful, the difference can be life-changing.

It’s not just queer folks who embrace Paganism as a safe­ haven. Horny folks do, too. In most Pagan belief systems, sex is not considered a sin but a morally neutral act. Sex for fun is fun, sex for magick is magick. It’s not how much sex you’re having, but your intention that characterises the act. The only moral imperative is in how you’re treating yourself and your partners.

Partners? Oh, yes! Polyamory, group sex, and (legal) exhibitionism are accepted within some Pagan communities. That’s an undeniable treat for people who want to enjoy these activities without religious shame.

3. They don’t care for dogma and/or authority.

There is no holy book, no central governing body, and no real priestly authority within the mass of related beliefs filed under Paganism. This is great news for people of a certain temperament—religious rebels and militant agnostics. (“I don’t know, and you don’t either!”)

As a social movement, neo-Paganism is deeply indebted to the Transcendentalist writers of the 19th century. Their poems and essays held the germ of the idea that fuels Pagan practice: That God speaks directly to everyone—often through Nature—and not only to a specially qualified few, inside special buildings.

Some Pagan groups do have ordained clergy. But there are still significant differences between Pagan clergy and those of more established organised religions:

First, Pagan titles like “High Priestess” are usually self-conferred or passed along from student to teacher. This does not mean that they’re not “real” clergy, but it does mean that their power is limited outside their own group or coven. (A Pagan leader may also be ordained as a minister by another organisation, such as the Church of All Worlds or the Unitarian Universalist church. This allows them to receive certain legal privileges that independent Pagan clergy usually do not enjoy.)

Secondly, Pagan clergy tend to function more as community leaders than authority figures. Pagan priesthood does not confer any real power over others, either temporal or spiritual. Most Pagan leaders encourage discussion and self-study by their students and congregants. Certainly a dedicated Priest or Priestess will have more experience working with their deities than a beginner. They may have the skills to do rituals or advanced deity work that a novice does not. In a sense, though, every Pagan is their own Priest or Priestess—and the best Pagan clergy respect that. This makes Paganism very attractive to those who don’t want to experience God(s) secondhand.

4. They long for a connection to Nature.

The earth, the trees, the sky, the sea—most world religions recognise these wonders as the work of a mighty creator God. And yet, most leave it at that.

Not so with Paganism. Pagan religions are sometimes described as “Earth-based”—meaning the Earth and its cycles are central to what Pagans hold sacred. Most Pagans profess a deep reverence for natural places, the seasons, the web of plants and animals, and the processes of birth, ageing, and dying. While it’s not technically required, many Pagan services are held outdoors. “Skyclad” (nude) rites are another way that Pagans shed the trappings of modern society and get back to the core of being.

Some people come to Paganism as an extension of their environmentalist or eco-feminist views. Others simply want to reconnect with Nature as an antidote to the alienation that comes with busy, digitised lives.

5. They’ve had negative experiences with other religions.

It’s a sad but undeniable fact. People who turn toward one religion are often, with the same movement, turning away from a religion that has hurt them. If you spend enough time in Pagan communities, you will certainly meet some of these displaced folks.

Perhaps a certain religious doctrine—such as the prohibition against homosexuality—is causing the person emotional pain. Maybe they’re frustrated with persecution, corruption, or hypocrisy within the religious group they came from. Or maybe they’re rebelling against the religious beliefs of a parent or spouse. Whatever the case, Paganism appears to offer a chance for a fresh start, one with less restriction and oversight than they may be used to. Pagans don’t evangelise—which may make them seem more trustworthy to folks who have been burned.

As with all life choices, there are right and wrong reasons to become a Pagan. And you can’t ever really know someone else’s motives. The best thing that Pagans can do is treat religious refugees kindly, answer their questions honestly, and wait for them to figure out if Paganism is right for them.

6. They have trouble with the concepts of sin and evil.

Of all the barriers between Pagan beliefs and Abrahamic religion, the idea of sin is the thorniest. Original sin is a tough doctrine to swallow, even for many Christians. Who wants to suffer for something that happened before they were born? That Paganism has no equivalent concept to sin and sinfulness is one of its biggest selling points, so to speak. (Pagan beliefs about the origin/existence of evil are so diverse I won’t even try to tackle the topic here.)

As mentioned earlier, there’s no single Pagan concept of God. Still, one idea you see over and over in Paganism is the doctrine of non-dual immanence. God/Goddess existing here and now, and not in some distant place or kingdom to come. Lack of meditation or participation or acceptance can distance us from the sacred, but God/Goddess is always there. Furthermore, divinity is present within the material world, and the world is inseparable from its creator.

All of this is pretty difficult to reconcile with Judeo-Christian ideas about original sin and the fall of man. (Some Hermetic Pagans do accept them as metaphorical/alchemical truths—but that’s a whole other beaker of worms.) In Biblical cosmology, the world is created by God, but separate from God. The world we know is basically fallen and can only be redeemed through God’s intervention. In Paganism, the world we know is basically holy and does not require redemption. (Only observation and celebration, if we want to be happy and—perhaps—please the Gods.) The other worlds are holy, too—not more, nor less.

As for behaviour? Paganism emphasises individual freedom and responsibility over moral absolutism. Most Pagans live by an individual moral/ethical code, but shun universal behavioural codes. Pagan ethics have been heavily influenced by the Wiccan Rede: “An it harm none, do what ye will.” This in turn derives from Aleister Crowley’s “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law”—possibly the most mis-interpreted eleven words of all time.

It’s not that Pagans believe that you can or should do whatever you want. On the contrary, Paganism teaches that actions (and even thoughts) reverberate through the universe to affect oneself and others. There’s no real concept of sin, but Paganism is not amoral. In encouraging moral behaviour, Paganism substitutes concepts like karma, duty, interconnectedness, for a paternal god figure keeping score.

7. They yearn for representations of the Divine Feminine.

Dion Fortune wrote “A religion without a Goddess is halfway to atheism.” Women’s bodies are the carriers of life. And yet, many world religions downplay or denigrate the contribution of women. In Abrahamic religions, women can be vessels and saints, but are rarely prophets and never God. Many people yearn for distant time—real or imagined—when women’s bodies could also be a representation of deity.

As a social phenomenon, the rise of Wicca and Goddess spirituality has coincided pretty neatly with the expansion of women’s rights. As long as women are to be regarded as equal to men in society, there are those who feel that patriarchal religions can never be wholly legitimate.

Everyone has an earthly mother and a father. If you believe in God, it makes a kind of intuitive sense that everyone has a divine Mother and Father, too. Yet religions that include a Goddess are usually labelled polytheist and Pagan automatically.

8. They want explanations for psychic and paranormal events.

Out-of-body experiences, premonitions, telepathy, ghost encounters—weird stuff sometimes happens. If you haven’t had an inexplicable experience, then you likely know someone who has. Pagans aren’t alone in experiencing the paranormal, of course. But they tend to be better equipped to talk about it than the average person.

Imagine a person who has recurring paranormal experiences, or experiences they believe to be paranormal. Mainstream science tells them that these experiences are illusory. Mainstream religion—when it’s not condemning them as evil—seems mostly too embarrassed to talk about occult happenings. It’s no surprise that the person would be drawn to a Pagan community where psychic stuff is openly discussed, accepted, and even encouraged.

Don’t get me wrong—mental illness and paranormal delusions do occur, and can cause great harm. But the not-crazy among us still yearn for a safe haven to discuss our psychic lives without condemnation. I believe—though I can’t prove—that so-called paranormal experiences are actually quite common among the general population. I’ve also observed that persistent psychic curiosity is one of the major reasons that people turn to Paganism.

9. They’re attracted to the power and control offered by magick.

I once read an academic paper that was trying to explain the rise of Wicca and witchcraft among teenage girls. The conclusion was that when a young women lacks a sense of control in her life—i.e., economic, sexual, or social autonomy—a religion that offers a secret source of power is immensely attractive. (Who wouldn’t want to be able to cast a love spell on a crush, or curse a bully?) The author observed that many teen girls become practising Pagans in junior high and high school. They tend to lose interest after finding another source of personal power (a job, a relationship, a better group of friends).

As a young Pagan woman, I found the tone of this particular paper to be condescending, bordering on insulting. But one thing is obviously true: Occultism purports to offer power to the powerless, esoteric means to an end when esoteric means have come up short. Why else would there be so many people interested in fast answers—love spells, get-rich-quick spells, and the like?

Lots of people approach witchcraft and/or Paganism because they want to learn to use magick. They see it as a way to fix their lives in a hurry or achieve undeserved success. Many of them move along when they realise that real magick is real work.

10. They’ve been called by a God or Goddess.

A burning bush, a deathbed vision of Christ, a miracle from the Virgin Mary—these are the types of religious experiences that are familiar to most people. But Pagans have religious epiphanies, too. Although most of us don’t talk about it outside of trusted circles, our Gods and Goddesses call to us in dramatic and in subtle ways.

Like any other type of religious conversion, some people drift gradually toward an acceptance of Paganism, while others are thrust toward it by a single epiphany. Some people may scoff at the idea of elder Gods asserting their presence in the 21st century. But it's certainly no wackier than what other religious people believe. (And it's hard to be so cavalier when Odin’s keeping you awake at night with a to-do list.)

For most Pagans, one or more of the above reasons has contributed to their finding their religious path. There are certainly other reasons that aren’t on this list. Of course, the best way to find out why a particular person is Pagan is to (respectfully) ask!

https://www.groveandgrotto.com/blogs/articles/why-do-people-become-pagan-top-ten-reasons