#my mom’s side is so easy to keep track of and despite it being mainly German

[whalehouse1]

Cousin: You should come to Vegas with us.

Me: No, I have no desire to go there for anything.

Cousin: They have really good food. You like Italian food a lot. Let me tell you-

Me: You are Italian. We live in a city that has a gigantic Italian population that still mainly speaks Italian and orders their ingredients for the food from there.

Cousin: Yeah but-

Me: Also our great aunt made homemade ravioli using our great-great grandma’s recipe. You know the one from Sicily? How are you going to say I haven’t had more authentic Italian?

His daughter and wife: You’re Italian? Well I guess we don’t know his dad.

Me: Yeah, or you know you could ask his mom who’s Italian if he’s Italian.

Cousin-in-law in shock: You’re Italian?

Aunt: Last time I checked

[fingersinmyhair]

Full Tilt by Neal Shusterman

My rating: 6.5/10

Rated: Child - Teen

SFW or NSFW: SFW

There are spoilers under the cut! You have been warned!

Overall Review:

At the request of a close friend, I read this book alongside them, as they'd read it once years ago on assignment in class. They swore by the book and said I'd enjoy it, and I couldn't agree more. This book was an easy read, but still keeps your eyes on the page wanting to find out what happens next.

I was impressed by how much happens in the book, as it's only around 120-135 pages of reading, but every chapter was eventful and detailed, giving the reader a clear vision of almost everything that happens.

As the main character, Blake, searches for his brother in the metaphysical amusement park where he and his friends must ride seven rides before dawn, he finds inner strength where he once only found cowardice and fear. The park conjures his worst memories and fears, using even his interests and insecurities against him and his friends, Maggie and Russ. The book ends with a clear resolve and a happy ending all wrapped in a pretty bow, but it wasn't forced or undeserving.

The characters and plot worked well together, in my honest opinion. There were many chuckle-to-myself moments and it was nice to root for the main character, not only to reach his goal but in pride as he found his strength.

Characters:

Blake: The main character and the biggest show of character development aside from Quinn and Cassandra. The park and his love for his younger brother push Blake to act entirely out of character in the perspective of the first few chapters. It's said multiple times through the book, even by Blake, that he's a coward, fearful and skittish, yet he storms into every adversary to his health - physical and mental - and perseveres only to save his brother and his friends from Cassandra and her park. It's also worth noting that Blake also finds comfort in having complete control of his environment, needing everything to be comfortable, neat, clean, and organized. He makes a remark to himself that he doesn't "have some weird disorder" about it, and it felt like it was meant to sound like he's in denial about it. It doesn't address this again in the book. At the beginning of the book, he is unsure if he will actually go away to college, but he's decided wholeheartedly that he wants to go and will be by the end of the book.

Quinn: Quinn is my favorite character in the book. It's said in the beginning and end of the book that many, for a long time, thought he was autistic when he was young because he was nonverbal, had poor social skills, and refused to make eye contact. The reasons for him, apparently not being autistic, are that he stopped being nonverbal when he was three and a half (after experiencing a roller coaster for the first time, an intense stimulus that he enjoyed greatly) and is now "self-centered" (as he thinks and acts impulsively based on his own emotions and needs). Since Quinn's first roller coaster ride, he was attracted to high-stimulus things, such as having a large number of piercings in his face and ears by age 13 (his age in the book), loud music, neon-bright colors, and eating mainly things with a large amount of sugar. I fully believe he is neurodivergent in the vein of either ADHD or being on the spectrum, if not comorbid. That being said, Quinn shows a lot of character development in the book. He goes from reclusing and even suicidal (he goes to the amusement park and willingly leaves Blake behind after learning that if he stays he will die, stating emphatically that he doesn't want to live in the real world anymore and so be it if his soul is trapped in the park for eternity) to being cooperative and working with his brother actively to find a way out of the park and beat Cassandra at her games. He tells his brother he loves him for the first time by the end of the book as well because of this development in his character.

Maggie: One of Blake's two best friends, his other being her boyfriend, Russ. Maggie is all but introduced as insecure and unsure of herself, but a good friend to Blake. She takes his side in most arguments that he gets into with Russ, as Russ usually starts them and is wrong, to begin with. She's very kind, though her insecurities in her appearance and how unsure of herself she is comes back later to bite her in the ass, physically altering her appearance to look how she feels on the inside. She is also a love interest to Blake, as they share a kiss while she looks like a monster and he tries everything he can to save her before failing to do so and having to move on due to time and urgency. Russ asks Blake if something is going on between him and Maggie when they're all out of the park, safe and sound, and Blake says, "I don't know. Maybe." She's the first person Blake comforts and assures when they reach safety as well.

Russ: Russ is introduced as a jock with no chosen sport, more so having the physique and interest in physical activity, but not having the attention span to focus on staying in a sport for too long. He's also, from the get-go, not very smart. (He interprets Blake's news of going to Columbia University as Blake would be moving to Columbia, making a remark that he didn't know Blake spoke Spanish.) At one point in the amusement park, he breaks before any of the rest of the group. He leaves Maggie behind when he sees her turn into a monster, not caring that it was her. When he gets on the Ferris Wheel, he sees something not detailed or described that shakes him to the core enough that he strikes a deal with Cassandra. If he saw Blake's death or demise, Russ would be released from the amusement park. Despite this, Blake still forgives him. Russ is absorbed by the park moments later for failing.

Mom & Carl: I do not like Blake and Quinn's mother. Several of her exes physically abused Quinn, and most likely Blake as well, and she knows this. It isn't detailed if she knew while it was happening or later on, but the way she handles Quinn not being comfortable around her new fiance and being "too" wary of him as a person in general due to her track record with me and him believing Carl will leave like all the others, including his father, is uncomfortable. She even complains to Blake about Quinn's attitude to the news she and Carl gave him, saying that not everything is about Quinn and that he essentially needs to get over it, negating Blake saying that not everything is about her to defend the way Quinn feels. If she's aware that her exes, including the father of her children, have either been physically abusive or have left her with no warning, why is she being harsh about Quinn being wary that the same thing is going to happen, not letting Carl's sunny disposition make him drop his guard? Carl himself is nice and tries to understand, so I don't have a problem with him.

Cassandra: A timeless, beautiful being that invites Blake to her amusement park, specifically so she can right the only wrong she's ever had. She's a fantastic antagonist, aloof and flirtatious (and even helpful) the first few times she's seen, but she slowly devolves into an angry and fearful being that wants Blake to stay with her, period. She goes from wanting to claim his soul to be absorbed by her park to wanting him to rule alongside her and bring balance to both her and the park, giving Blake the opportunity to carve out a realm of peace and fun for his loved ones trapped in the park, but he declines, infuriating her further. They even share a kiss intended to convey determination and the denial of her offer. Her world falls apart because Blake is, for lack of a better phrase, the one that got away.

[beneaththesoftcloud]

I haven’t been on here much recently but I have a story I wanna share because maybe it would be helpful to someone? I don’t really know how to summarize; it’s mainly just my thoughts on an interaction I had and mental health.

I recently went with my mom to visit my grandma out of town and everything was going really well until there was a sudden conflict between me and my mom that sent me for 0 to 60 in less than a second and I snapped. Both of them converged on me and I was so upset and I knew that they were going to be mad at me and scold me and that they wouldn’t stop to listen to anything I had to say because that’s just what I’m used to. I’ve lived with my mom and her boyfriend since the end of 2019 for financial reasons and he doesn’t want me there so pretty much everything I do annoys him and causes conflict in the household. I have several sources of stress but that’s been hard to deal with because I can’t really do anything right in that situation. There’s no way to win (by “win,” I mean “find harmony”) if the only acceptable solution for the other party is “get out of my life asap.” But with the job market being what it is, covid, and the crazy housing prices in my city rising even higher, I live there because I have no other option. I know a lot of people are in the same boat as I am and I cope with my issues the best that I can but obviously the stress is always there and it fuels a lot of anxiety. Sometimes it comes to a head like it did when I was visiting my grandma, especially because my mom has this habit of poking people’s sore spots and then brushing off their reactions and it dirves me crazy.

But instead of coming at me from a disciplinary point of view like I was expecting (despite my age, despite the fact that I was able to live independently for several years before the shit hit the fan, this is the angle my family comes at me with because they see me as a child if I live under their roof), my grandma took an uncharacteristic step back. “This isn’t you, you aren’t an angry person like this, your bucket must be really full for you to be acting this way,” she said and she wrapped her arms around me and it made me realize how very long I’d gone without a hug or similar affection. Moreso, for her to stop and consider the reason why I might be acting so upset after such a short exchange rather than writing me off as a bad kid or trying to punish the reaction was mindblowing to me. 

If I get upset, I usually handle it by mentally making a tally of all the tough shit I’m facing right now and I realize, oh, of course I’m stressed, there’s so much on my plate. I take the time to articulate it to myself, even if it’s something small: “No, it’s not the end of the world that mom’s boyfriend tracked grease all over the floor you just mopped. Yes, it feels disrespectful (and sexist) that he always makes messes that you are somehow expected to clean up. These particular footprints will only take a minute or two to clean up, but it makes me feel like he doesn’t value my time or effort. It feels frustrating to feel this lack of respect now when I’m the same person they used to look up to when I taught at a university. I don’t think my job or the dollar amount I bring home should determine the respect I recieve from my family but it seems to impact them a lot; than angers and stresses me.” I can handle emotions and keep them from negativiely impacting others without having to repress things or use the bad coping mechanisms from my childhood by thinking things out this way. But you can’t just think your way out of every problem. If you have a conflict with another person, you have to communicate with them or else there’s no way to fix it. This brings me back around to the main issue: he doesn’t want harmony, he wants to force me out. My mom feels he has more right to be in the house than I do, so she is also a communiticave dead end in this arena more often than not. Her response is to get upset at me for “not getting along.”

Hence, my proverbial bucket is full. It only takes a few drops and then I’m overflowing with all of the pain, indignance, rage, helplessness, etc. and the knowledge that I’m better than this situation I’m stuck in. I see the progress I’ve made toward my goals and I hold onto that to keep me sane. I think, yes, this is a terrible situation and I can’t manicure my emotions and behavior to perfection because that’s impossible, but I want to be the person I want me to be and I’ll try and handle each given situation as that person I want to be. I’m not used to recieving any sympathy for my situation. When my grandma started dishing sympathy out despite my flawed behavior, I didn’t really know what to do. I sort of deflated and tears were falling before I really registered what was going on.

“Here,” she said and she stood right by my side and took my hand, “When you stand like this and you hold someone’s hand, it feels like you’re facing the problem together. If you stand like this,” she moved in front of me and crossed her arms, “this is confrontational. Even sitting across from one another it’s too easy to pit each other against yourselves. But when you’re side by side,” she moved again to my side and took my hand, “you can work things out like this.” She started interviewing me more or less and she didn’t critique anything I felt. She validated my personal struggle, the struggle of my generation, the effort I expend, the disposition I maintain. She didn’t crtique my mom to do any of this and my mom didn’t really jump in for good or bad, she just sort of sat and watched it unfold. There wasn’t really any news; she knew what my problems were and knew it gave me a lot of stress. But she didn’t leave the room, sje sat and listened. And since that trip, she’s tried to initiate a positive interaction with me almost every day over the past week.

And I guess a few things have been hanging around with me. My brother once said to me that you have different people in your life for different reasons when my mom asked him if it was an issue for him that his (kind, sweet) girlfriend has no sense of humor. He said he has me for that, he has friends for that, too, she doesn’t have to be everything for him to love her. Between that interaction and last weekend and just various other things, I just feel that I’ve been given this push along the last few years to allow more people into my life so that I can have different people for different reasons. I’ve always been so isolated and felt I have to do everything on my own. I do think it’s important to have a sense of responsibility for myself, but I think a lot of people feel very pressured to put on thier best face for everyone and only confide in maybe one or two people. If they share things with anyone else, it’s under the pretense of superficial conversation or the guise of a trendy topic. I know I personally tend to avoid sharing vulnerability too openly, too much openess makes it impossible to function day to day. But I also have been very closed off to the point that it doesn’t occur to me to confide even to relatively close family members. 

I think there’s so much talk about how self-reliance is the only important thing for happiness in our society that we don’t even realize how prevelant the message is (you don’t need a significant other to be happy, you just need self love! It doesn’t matter if you come from an abusive family, all you need to do to recover is believe in your own strength). And I think there’s comfort in that message when it’s directly opposed from a “family is everything/ blood is most important/ you’re nothing without your roots” type of a message because so many people do have such difficult family situations and it’s important to know your worth outside of that context. But I think, at least for me, I do need affection from people to feel better. Just little bits in different ways from different people, but it can’t all come from myself and have the same healing effect. The same goes for validation, attention, understanding, play, exchange of ideas, etc. And it’s important to have more than one person because otherwise it becomes easy to fall into the trap of expecting too much from one person or causing someone to feel pressured to always ease your mind, and that’s no good. 

I’m not really sure where I’m going with all of this but I guess I just feel better. My situation hasn’t changed, it still needs to change before I can really get to a truly healthy and relaxed state, but I feel massively better and I feel like I know how to continue on that path. Forming new relationships is so different in your late twenties than in your late teens and it feels like a weird landscape to navigate, but it’s like a wall that was seperating me from it all has come down. And I feel free instead of naked without that wall.

[marlmckitten]

Mr & Mrs Kitty (An Introduction)

A new Blackinnon series by MarlMcKitten and PadsMcfoot

As so many of you know I have trouble letting go of past plots. And I spent three years working on a beautiful Blackinnon one with a friend. Unfortunately that story has come to a close but to keep it alive I want to share it with all of you. But since I also have commitment issues with writing an entire story at once. This is going to be written differently. It is going to be a number of short or long snippets of their lives in no particular order. This first ‘chapter’ is going to be a short, point form introduction to the version of Blackinnon that I will be sharing with you and all the important side characters that come with it. (Mainly bc my new Blackinnon is sooo different and all my plots are gonna shift a little now.) Thank you!

Marlene McKinnon:

your 70′s bombshell

loud, outspoken, unpredictable, wild

she fell in love with Sirius the day he arrived at Hogwarts on a motorcycle, grown out hair, new tattoos and a brand new family (The Potters)

she didn’t admit it for a while though

eventually they fell in love

she didn’t die with her family

but she was devastated

and pregnant

Bellatrix used occlemency to make her believe that it was Sirius who was killing her family

that was what made Sirius go to Azkaban

Marlene ran away, she made her way because she had to, she was pregnant and that was now the last living member of her family and the McKinnon line

she worked in shops, she kept a low profile and she did not tell anyone who she was

she gave birth to a beautiful young boy and named him Lynx McKinnon

the boy looked so much like his father

she would cry watching over him, her mind so conflicted on how Sirius would do that for her when her heart knew he wouldn’t

it was years before she saw Sirius again, but one day she just had to talk to him so she went to Azkaban to visit him

he believed she was dead and she asked him how the hell he could do that to her and her family in her emotional rant she let it slip that she had his son

this prompted Sirius to break out of Azkaban, finding out that he had a child and that Marlene was raising him all alone

Eventually they met up again, and Marlene ended up believing him. She always knew in her heart it couldn’t be true.

This Marlene was so much more grown up, (being a single mother wil ldo that)

They went into hiding again, now at Grimmauld Place. Lynx was terrified of his dad. It broke Marlene’s heart and she did not know what to do.

Years later, the war ended, her family was back together. Sirius never died and she wanted to add to her family.

They had two more children. Halo and Aurora Black.

All Marlene ever wants is for her whole family to get along.

Sirius Black:

such a rebel

such a rebel

but he has a weakness

blondes named Marlene McKinnon

he’s infatuated

you think James is bad? You should see Sirius around Marlene.

he never thought he deserved a happy ending but he got it with her.

Well- for a while. Before she died and he was framed for the murder of her and her entire family.

What was the point of living after that?

He didn’t see one.

Years passed. Nothing mattered and then one day ... “Hey split ends.”

He has a son.

He would not be the same shit parent that his were to him. He has to get out.

And he does and he finds them. It doesn’t take much convincing. His Marlene always trusted him.

But Grimmauld Place and all those childhood nightmares are back. He cannot be a father or anything to Marlene.

So instead he drinks.

A lot.

Too much.

He feels Marlene getting distance. He can tell Lynx hates him but he can’t stop himself. And he hates himself for it.

He dies. Through the veil .

But miraculously he finds his way out. Just in time to save his Marlene and his son during the war.

Him and Marlene lead all the Slytherin children out of the castle, away safely. (Even Pansy Parkinson.)

Marlene never forgives McGonagall for locking her son in the dungeouns during a war, but Sirius knows she was doing her best.

Him and Lynx never get a great relationship.

They’re always rocky. But he gets another chance with Halo.

This pushes Lynx away even more but Sirius can’t help it.

He tries to make peace with it and then Aurora comes.

And oh Merlin how he loves Aurora.

They have a very special bond.

Sirius is a great father to Halo and to Aurora and he tries to be for Lynx too.

It takes so much time.

But he has his wife, his kids and Sirius gets the life he never knew he deserved.

Lynx McKinnon

Sirius lookalike

he hates it

he hates his father

but his mom is everything to him

She works a lot when he is a kid, so he tries to help her out.

One day he pleads her to go to the fair with him. It’s the last day, all the other kids have gone and she promised. He is only 7 at the time.

He meets a lonely little girl named Juliet.

They become instant best friends and for the rest of his life no one will ever matter to him quite like his Ma and Juliet do.

Then he is sent to Grimmauld Place, away from Juliet. And he is so scared.

His father terrifies him. The house terrifies him. He sleeps with his mom most night.

Hogwarts comes and he goes there, an escape. And there he finds Juliet also. She’s a muggle born witch and the world is restored!

He protects her when he is sorted into Slytherin and she is a Hufflepuff.

But he misses his mom dearly.

He befriends an ambitious and beautiful young girl named Valencia Mae.

They also become close. The three of them are happy with just each other.

One day he realizes that he is in love with Valencia and he asks her out.

She says yes.

She comes from a very rich family so he tries his hardest to impress her.

Lucky for him, she has some daddy issues.

He learns that he is a very talented artist.

When he decides to persue his dreams as an artist Valencia dumps him.

He is left devastated.

Lynx drops out of school, he leaves everything behind. He leaves his home.

He’s a little dramatic. (Don’t tell him that he gets that from his father.

But years, and years later, he is reunited with Valencia.

They’ll get a chance at their own happy ending.

Halo Black

such a mama’s boy

but so protective over his baby sister

loves his dad too

really a family guy

from a young age he wants to have his own family one day

he’s a little spoiled but doesn’t know it

doesn’t like Lynx much, doesn’t get why his brother doesn’t love his dad like he does

Lynx tries to tell him that growing up with a single mom then going through a war is much harder than growing up in a mansion with two happy parents and the Black family fortune

Halo doesn’t see it.

He has a lot of back problems.

He’s awkward and so clumsy it could put Tonks to shame

he looooves his (very much alive) Uncle Remus

He wears cardigans and he is a hopeless romantic, after a girl in his year who he idolizes in his head

they are doomed to always be in love but not have anything ever go their way

truly tragic but the love story Halo always wanted

Aurora Black

if Halo is too much of a mama’s boy he’s got nothing on how much of a daddys girl Aurora is

she can’t function without her father

and her brother

oh boy is she spoiled

and optimistic

naive

honestly just not that smart

but has the purest heart and the best intentions

she is always trying to get along with Lynx even though she doesn’t even meet him until she’s about 6 years old

she loves Lynx’s art

she messages him all the time, and never gets a response

she is bullied a lot for being air headed.

And it gets bad.

Some girls play a nasty trick on her.

She is turned into a werewolf.

It breaks Sirius’ heart the most.

She would have been killed if Halo hadn’t have saved her life.

She then keeps to herself more, believing that she is ugly and a monster.

Remus helps and Tonks helps but she thinks she will forever be alone.

After all Remus was until his late 30′s.

But she still manages to keep a smile on her face.

She really loves animas.

Her life ambition is to open a bakery with her father.

She never wants to leave her family

She can even melt Lynx’s heart when she really wants to

but man is she s t u b b o r n

and as sweet as she is she can piss anyone off with her stubbornness to always get her way and not see anyone else’s

Juliet Buchannan:

Lynx’s best friend

not the brightest, but very honest

she keeps Lynx from going too hard, he keeps her grounded

but they both really like getting high together

and talking about aliens

Lynx around Juliet is very different than regular Lynx

she happens to love Sirius, calls him Mr McKinnon and he loves it

Calls Lynx Kitty.

Calls Marlene Mrs Kitty.

She goes wherever the wind takes her

Carefree.

Despite her very lonely childhood.

Her father was abusive and neglectful.

She spent more of her time with Lynx and Marlene

They are her family.

Works in Disneyland when she is older as a face character.

She literally just wants to see everyone happy all the time.

But she makes a lot of bad decisions and always has the wildest travel stories

Valencia Mae:

the love of Lynx’s life

BDE

she gets what she wants

her family exploits muggles to make their fortune

hardcore business woman

loves fashion

never goes anywhere without her Louboutins

she really isn’t that into the wizarding world and hates Hogwarts

but still gets good grades

ambitious AF

dont mess with her

seriously don’t

she will also stand up for Juliet once she is forced to take her in

dating Lynx means dating Juliet as well

really not the jealous type though so she doesn’t care

just a bad bitch in fancy heels

wine

Lyra

the girl Halo is way too in love with

she is not easy to love

she is so troubles Halo just wants to fix her

they are on again, off again faster than anyone can keep track

she has a small thing for Lynx and also one for Sirius

she has serious abandonment issues

the bottom line is she just wants to be loved and accepted but doesn’t know how to be

she does not have a strong sense of self-identity

Sirius really takes a liking to her, and is kind to her, she misjudges that and develops her tiny crush

but it is always Halo she loves

she just doesn’t know how to

she’s there to create the drama without meaning to

Lynx hates her, but she’s good at art so he helps her with that

Valencia and her would kill each other if given the chance

Aurora adores Lyra

Marlene hates seeing a girl break her baby’s heart

Just so lonely.

[streets-in-paradise]

Roadside Bet

American Gods and Percy Jackson crossover - Part 1

Word Count: 1767

Characters: Wednesday, Shadow, Eira ( Vanir demigoddess OC) 

Relationships: Platonic. 

Summary: Setted in season 1 of American Gods. Mr Wednesday takes his crew on a trip to New York hoping to recruit a powerful ally. Shadow starts asking questions about him and his curiosity unleashes a silly argument. 

Warnings: Some ageists jokes, the camp half blood concept from Percy Jackson is interpreted in American Gods’s style. 

Disclaimers: This serves as an introduction for my self indulgent attempt of writing fanfic including Sean Bean as Zeus in the American Gods universe. I couldn’t find fiction for Sean Bean’s Zeus and he’s so fine that I can't deal with it so I decided to include him in an idea I had previously in process for an American Gods fanfic. I apologise for any possible mistakes,english is not my native language and this is a translation. 

Tags: @yerevasunclair​. Our conversations about Sean’s Zeus inspired this. I’m tagging you in both parts. Thank you so much for the inspiration. 

I hope you ‘ll enjoy this. Thanks for reading

With the exception of Wednesday's bad mood, the trip was not having any major setbacks. The old man was quite unbearable because he hated New York and its exorbitant modernity, but he knew that this was a trip he was obliged to take. If he closed the deal he set out to make, he would gain a powerful ally, perhaps the most powerful one available. 

With only a few miles to go, he switched places with Shadow because he wanted to drive to relieve stress. Meanwhile, to alleviate the boredom during the break, he started to chat with Eira. The girl was sprawled out in the back seat listening to music on an old MP3 player dating from 2002. Shadow signaled her to take off a headset and pay attention to him. Listening to them, Mr. Wednesday rebuked her

“I told her to get rid of every modern toy before following us but she never listens. Eira!! Turn that rubbish off before I destroy it myself.”

“ Chill out, old man. This is ancient history technologically speaking. It doesn’t have wifi connection, or bluetooth, or anything. Nobody can try to track us through this, even the boy must have forgotten these things existed. It’s as safe as your car’s radio.” she replied in a tone that showed annoyance. 

 Shadow laughed, always amused to see the boss and his new co-worker arguing as a family. Wanting to pry into what she was hearing, he reached out to grab the earpiece she had taken out of her ear and placed it over his.

“ What’s that language?  Greek, I think? “ he commented about the music 

“Yeah, it 's greek. I’m getting ready for our next stop.” she explained. 

 “ Greeks? After what I experienced with the russians some time ago i thought we were going to New York to have a meeting with the japanese mafia or something like that. All your business partners seem to have a thing with extremely violent threats. “ he complained

“Don’t be so harsh with Bogo. Most people think he is scary and disgusting but i think he is great. He may be a bit of a psycho weirdo, he makes meat uncomfortable for everyone and sometimes he throws his cigarette smoke in your face but he is a very fun dude “ 

“ Bogo? Did you nicknamed him? He is a serial murderer who wants my head. “

“ We both live in Chicago, my mom tends to know everyone there and everyone knows her. I know him since i was a child, he is like a grumpy grandpa to me.”

That statement left him a bit shocked. Mainly because he did not imagine Czernobog being friendly to anyone or even being seen as friendly. 

“  Do you know the greeks? “ he asked, taking the opportunity to prepare for what was to come

“ No, I never had the pleasure, that’s why I'm so excited. They do their own stuff by themselves, they don’t tend to be very cooperative with the rest. Need is what pushed everyone else to start cooperating and created the unstable bonds of solidarity you had seen so far. They have their own functional system, they don’t need help from anyone. Even if they were struggling i doubt they would ask for it or accept it.” 

“ Very secretive people. How will we convince them to join Mr Wednesday? “ 

“  Let that to me, dear boy.” the boss interrupted . ”They never pick a side, not with us and not with the News. They are always pretending they are better than everyone else in that fake copy of their Olympus they made to themselves when all they actually have is a bunch of brats. If the big conflict starts they will have to choose one side and that’s where we enter.”

“I’m very curious about them "she added .” Their strategy is fascinating. They have a family business that keeps them standing for a very long time in conditions others would only dream to have. They adapted by being themselves without selling to the News.” 

” So, greek mafia then? ”  Shadow asked,curious and worried in equal amounts. 

 ” Never call them like that ever again. That’s very insulting and they are famous for being very arrogant and easy to irritate. Theo will carbonize you if he hears you calling him a mob boss. ” 

” Theo is their boss? He is the one we are visiting? ” 

 ” That’s how we call him, nobody dares to use his full name in casual conversation so we picked a middle ground epithet between his tradition and ours. Names are powerful, Shadow. You don’t have to use them in vain. ” Eira explained. ” Honestly, I'm very excited to meet someone so powerful. Most of the still strong names out there had given up and sold their brands to the News but Theo and his people are still successful. They are living the lifestyle of the Old Country, or at least the closest copy they can get in America. Wednesday is salty because he was never able to agrupate our kind in a similar project. My work for him is the closest thing he got, I’m one of the very few children of his associates who got invested and that’s only because my mother kept me with her. I’m not precisely the rule, that’s why practically i grew up to be here now. ” 

Shadow started to get severly worried .The repeated comment about the power of the people who were going to see kept him on his toes. He didn't want to get into any more trouble. 

 ” Do you want to give me a list of stuff to avoid when facing this Theo? I’m starting to freak out a bit and I don't understand a shit of what you are saying except for “ he is powerful”.  ” he asked her

 ” Don’t worry i will be there with you the whole time and i have more experience dealing with this sort of thing than you. Wednesday should have brought you to my mother’s home first instead of going straight to the russians when you visited our city. Don’t be scared, if you screw it up i will help you out”. 

Wednesday did not missed the chance to give his own advice as well

 ” The best for both of you is to keep your mouths shut as much as you can. “ he warned. ”Smile, nod in agreement, answer only what it’s being asked of you in the moment. This goes especially for you, young lady. ” he concluded in an imperative tone. 

”  Why the sudden care? You didn’t when we were visiting others. Are you afraid of him? ” she teased. 

”  Never, how could you suggest that? I’m restraining you because I don't want you to shift the focus of our negotiation. Theo has a weakness for youthful maidens like you.” he replied, scolding her again. 

 ” Then I should be the one negotiating with him.Wouldn’t be easier to convince him? ” 

” They don’t make him particularly weak, they are his favourite distraction. He enjoys himself when they get affected by his charm. Our business is the war and nothing more. Less you talk, less chances of distracting him too much.” 

Shadow was getting some entertainment with the discussion and intervened to give his opinion

” He doesn’t want this guy doing to you what he does to other women. ”he stated, mocking Wednesday. ” He wouldn’t admit it but he cares for you. He doesn’t want to see some horny old dude around you, thirsting over you and making you feel uncomfortable.” 

 ” My concern is not her safety, it’s her loyalty what troubles me. She works for me, she represents me. I don’t want her to forget it in front of him.” 

” Wednesday, he is older than you. ” Eira complained, trying to make him understand how ridiculous he sounded. ” Why would i care about him flirting with me? I’ll smile at him, pretend i’m pleased with his commentaries to keep him happy enough for you to close the deal and that’s all. It’s not the first time it happened, i’m used to casual flirting. Mad Sweeney had done it the few times we had seen each other,  some others associates of yours do it sometimes. The people we see tend to get flirty, Shadow has experienced it as well. It’s part of the job. ” 

” Mad Sweeney is a drunk loser, we are talking of real power here. Watch your steps and don’t embarrass me.”  Wednesday insisted. 

Shadow couldn’t stop laughing 

” Is he truly afraid you would be seduced by a man older than him? He has to be kidding, he is one of the oldest men i ever meet so how old is the greek ? 95?” 

 ” I may not be into the Technical Boy despite being closer in age terms to him than to most of the dudes we had dealt with but that doesn’t mean i’m into senior citizens. A middle ground is good, thanks. ” she joked, joining the mockery. 

” You two are too young to understand some very important aspects of how things work here. I’m warning you before it’s too late.”  Wednesday replicated.

 ” Whatever, thanks for the advice. I will have it in mind the next time an irresistable senior citizen shows up.You don’t know anything about my tastes in men and you are projecting your own crap on me. You may have a thing for girls of my age but not all of us get horny for grandpas. Some do and i don’t judge them but i’m not one of them.” 

 ” Wait and see. ” the old man replied in the same mocking tone. ” I would like to bet. I did it when Shadow fought the leprechaun, now it’s your turn. ” 

 ” We don’t have anything of value you may want.He just got out of jail and it’s not like mom would give me her Brisingamen just because i lost a bet to you. ”  

 ” Shadow, are you in? ”  the boss asked 

 ” What would i win? ” 

 ” If Eira feels condescendingly repulsed by the greek i double your weekly pay. If he charms her  i discount a percentage .” 

 ” If she doesn’t feel attracted to an old greek you duplicate my pay? Sure, i’m in. it is a safe bet, right?” he asked her 

” He talks bullshit, i’m not interested. Go ahead.” she assured him 

 ” I had never been happier standing in the middle of your silly fights. ” 

The youngsters spent the rest of the trip making fun of Wednesday's ridiculous bet, sure they were going to win. The old man laughed in their faces, he was playing with them again.  

Note: Theo is a name with two possible etymological origins, one greek and one germanic. A long time ago i read a theory that said the greek form Deos was associated with Zeus. I recently read that wasn’t the case but i still found it fitting for Zeus. 

[hoedameron]

okay......this is gonna be a serious personal post because i feel like i should talk about my life after what is probably a year after a night i wish i could forget. 

cw warning for unpacking “trauma” (i say that in quotations because i don’t know how to define it)

a year ago, i got into a terrible fight with my mom that involved the entire family. it was really ugly, and it started out because of my half-brother. i won’t go into too much detail despite the fact that i love to overshare but there are some things that are best not told out in the open. anyways, there was tears, sobs, yelling, everything but anything physical. hell, it almost even went as far as being outed to my parents. it was scary and the following few days i had nightmares plus reoccurring “day terrors” where i couldn’t get certain images and words out of my head. a lot of my friends and mutuals were concerned for my and my sister’s safety because it was not a good environment to be in, that i will admit. however, i decided to keep my head down, to avoid talking to my mom, and just...keeping a low profile in my own house.

it was emotionally draining to be around such negativity. i hated seeing everyone so miserable, and it pained me that in order to keep the peace, i had to stop talking to my mom altogether. now, my mom before that fight has been my confidant, somebody i would tell the world to, and though it wasn’t like the best relationship, it was my own and it was healthy in my book. to rip that out from right under me was frightening, but i had to remember that she hurt me that night with her words, and the vicious things she had said to defend her son without taking into consideration her daughters’ safety was something that can’t automatically be forgiven. my forgiveness had to be earned. now, you know how nice and kind i am and i was so, SO tempted to just crawl back into her arms because i didn’t want to be upset and angry with her for hurting me. i wanted everything to be “normal”, to go back to be “okay” but i soon realized that “okay” was also harming my sister in the process. let’s just say that because i was seen as some “golden child”, my sister acted out and rebelled and my parents never really unlearned that mindset as she grew up.

anyways, so, for over a year now, i haven’t talked to my mom in an actual engaging conversation. yes, i still talk to her but it’s more so little bits of conversation. i am very much still cold towards her, i keep my words to a minimum, and yes, it still pains me to do so. i want my mom back, please know that. i want to make up for lost time even if i have nothing new to share with her...i just miss my mom being my mom. watching her shrivel up in the first few weeks was so hard and i know she too struggles with mental health and i was so afraid that this whole cold treatment we were giving her was going to break her in the worst way possible. i didn’t want anybody else to suffer, please understand that, but at the same time, we needed space. we needed her to understand that the environment that we were and i am still am in is not safe, that it’s toxic when her son is around and our family had been broken once he started living with us. he terrifies me and sometimes i forget what he is capable of. however, being the only one left in this house serves me right for leaving my sister in this environment as i went away for college, leaving her behind to fend for herself....she deserved better.

ha, see...i’m crying again. the first few weeks were tough to not talk to my mom. my dad had become somebody my sister and i came to, something we didn’t really do but he offered support. he held me that night as i sobbed into his shoulder, telling me it was going to be okay. i remember hugging my sister that night when i said all we had is each other. going off track, sorry. but yeah, there isn’t very much progress to be honest. my sister was mainly the one who tested to waters with our mom because she needed guidance as she was planning to move with her husband thousand of miles away from us. it was a lot of back and forth, yes i will talk to you, no we are done talking because you raised your tone at me...so much of that seesawed but my treatment remained the same. i’m still scared of my mom and not so much as me shaking every time she’s around but i’m afraid that something can lead me down a dangerous path if i act out of line. there are some things i wish i could come to her about but i realized she doesn’t know who i am. i miss her so much y’all i can’t express to you how hard it is to have a part of your world become a stranger in a matter of a few minutes. it hasn’t been easy, it probably affected me in ways i still haven’t processed yet. my best friend still tells me i need to get out of there and has offered me to stay with her and to pay for the plane ticket. i don’t want to abandon something i can salvage because a silly optimist part of me thinks...knows i can save it somehow.

it feels like an empty house, one where we are just a bunch of roommates living under one roof. without my sister, i realized i am not much. without my sister, i realized i am small. i know i am a disappointment to my parents, that i am a financial burden because i am out of work due to the pandemic, i myself feel so damn pathetic for typing this up and crying as if somebody will read this at close to one in the morning. i am so....lost. i am lost. i am broken. i feel so small and directionless and i feel like i failed for not putting my family pack together. i don’t know how to make it right. i don’t know what to do because there is a big elephant in the room that needs to be addressed but as far as my mom is concerned, he is not the problem when he is. i am now my own tiny warrior and i want to so desperately lay down my arms and surrender but i don’t want him to win.

i go through ups and downs, sometimes i am in a good mood, sometimes i am not in the mood to interact with people. i try to be appear as if nothing ever happened, and sometimes i forget that ever happened and it’s good for awhile until it comes crashing down upon me. i wish things were better, i wish that fight never had happened, i wish so many things but i know that i must put in the work to make things better, to make my future better. sometimes i look at places in the city i went to college and think about living there. i was happier then. i want to be me again without all this weighing on me. i wish i was tougher, like i am too soft sometimes and that gets me in the worst positions at times. sometimes the only energy i have is to just survive and to pretend that everything is okay when it really isn’t. it’s safer that way.

...i don’t know what else to say other than that the environment has “improved” and by improved i mean i still avoid my mom, keep the conversations short, and just keep surviving. i don’t have a plan, i am scared of the outside, so i just sit here, talking to who knows is on the other side of the screen, if there is anybody.

at least you are doing okay

i’m sorry for being a downer...i don’t really want to talk to my friends about it because it can be too much and i don’t want to get a therapist because that’s expensive. this will suffice, i will find a way to fix this, i have always been the family mediator after all. maybe i should stop putting everybody first and start thinking for myself and doing things for me....but today is not the day. nor tomorrow, nor the next month, nor the next year...but maybe one day. don’t worry about me if you are, i’ll be okay. i’ve gotten through one year of this, right?

[peachymess]

Hi! How have you been doing? I read the post in which you said you made a lot of progress on your book project and I want to say I'm so happy for you! I remember a few posts back then where you talked about it being a big project for you and reading this recent post I was like "It's happening, it's happening!" I'm so proud of you and I sound like a mom but anyways you deserve some nice, happy CONGRATULATIONS! 👏👏🎉🎉😊

Awww thank you so much! 🥰 This is really sweet! Thank you! ❤️

Yeah, I’m really pumped over having gotten this far! I’ve learned so much already, it’s like I’ve opened a door and see a whole new landscape that I wasn’t able to see before, despite it being right on the other side of that door. So much fear is already off my shoulders!

I did a lot of hard work on my general fear of what I produce determining my worth, through drawing. I don’t know if I’d have been able to jump as fast and as controlled into this witting world, had I not done years of mental training ahead of this. I’m super excited, and super thankful that I gave myself that effort.

Yet. With that said, I actually think writing is easier for me - or WILL be, I should say - than drawing! That isn’t to say I write better (or that I don’t like drawing anymore), I just feel better while producing text than drawing. Mainly because writing is much easier to organize, track and measure. And after putting down a given amount of words, I will feel more confident that I have come closer to my goal, than when I keep doodling around uncertainly with a drawing. It’s easy to know how to progress in writing: you write more words... Whole with drawing, it’s not a given what you gotta do next to progress the piece.

Eh, I don’t know if I’m making sense. I could ramble for ages about what I’ve learned and how much I love this and how great it feels, but I won’t bore you. Haha. The point is - I’m SO happy with what I’ve done so far! The draft itself is pretty terrible, but it has taught me so many lessons I needed to have, and I’m so pumped to keep working on new projects later where I can implement my new insight!

To be honest, as I was slowly getting further and further behind my schedule and when it was hard to sit down for the forest few weeks, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do it. I mean, I haven’t finished it YET, but now I know I will. I’ve learned the things I personally needed to learn in order to unlock that confidence. And knowing how to do it now, I feel so light. I’m so glad I didn’t let the moments of defeat win me over! 😭💖

[thatscalledtoughlove]

Didn’t Want to Fall in Love - 1: Drink and Dash

Story Synopsis: Isabelle Rosenberg does not believe in love. And she is content. Whenever a man starts to show interest, she does her best to remove herself from the situation, effectively avoiding disaster. But then she meets Zachariah Gomez. He's sweet, he loves to do what most girls could only dream of from a boy, and Izzy has no interest whatsoever. Until one fateful night that all changes, and Izzy soon discovers that, sometimes, love is unavoidable. 

A/N: There is no reason for me to post this on here, but it’s one of my personal favorites so I’m keeping it on here for personal reasons.

-----

I knew the conversation would go nowhere five minutes after it began. A scenario I should’ve anticipated, considering I’d decided to attend a formal banquet for my college’s sociology club. Everyone here tonight wanted to meet someone. Everyone, except for me, that is.

        The guy who stood across from me had lovely brown eyes, the color so rich it reminded me of caramel. Paired with his honey-blond hair, any girl would fall for him in an instant.

         “What about you, Isabelle?” He looked at me with genuine wonder shining in his features. “Any incredible dreams few know about?”

         I did have one dream no one knew about. I wanted to be a painter, not that it mattered. Instead of divulging him with this fantasy, I shrugged.

        “Not really. I’m a major in sociology, and I plan to further my education to become a social worker, what more is there to say?”

        The handsome stranger whose name I’d forgotten immediately after he introduced himself stepped closer. “Oh, come on now, everyone has dreams they’re too embarrassed to share with the general public. Promise I won’t laugh.”

         I forced a smile, the action almost physically painful. “It’s true. Why wouldn’t I go after my dream, considering we live in a world full of possibility?” If I were to be truthful, I hated the formality of this conversation. But cursing up a storm hardly ever made a good impression.

         Mr. Handsome, as I decided to call him for the remainder of the evening, cocked his head to the side. “Whatever you say. Shall we head over to the refreshments table?” Who talked in such a way anymore, I hadn’t the slightest idea.

        With the fake smile still plastered on my face, I looped my arm through Mr. Handsome’s and followed him to the drink table. As we idled there for several minutes and continued the dreary conversation, I found myself picturing a future with this man.

         We would tell everyone of this night. Of how he asked me what my biggest dream was, and how I lied at first, but eventually warmed up to him and revealed it. He did not laugh. Our relationship blossomed from this moment, and we went from complete strangers to a power couple within the span of six months. We would have three children, just like I always wanted, and one would almost definitely end up being Mr. Handsome Jr. Most of our friends would be his friends, because I’d never been the greatest at keeping meaningful relationships, and our lives would be perfect for about thirty years. Then, we would get divorced—mainly my fault, as I am ‘incapable of love’—and the kids would spend weekends with Mom and the weekdays with Dad, since he would clearly be the more responsible parent. I snorted at the imaginary life I’d just created, and a few people glanced my way.

         “Should we get out of here?” Mr. Handsome asked, lightly touching my forearm. I felt nothing.

        No good ever came of a question like that. I glanced around the room, seeking an exit. I saw the ladies’ washroom across the banquet hall. Salvation.

         “Sure, but can I run off to the bathroom first? I shouldn’t be more than five minutes.” I prayed he hadn’t seen me wipe the sweat on my palms off on my dress.

         Mr. Handsome tried and failed to conceal his annoyance. “Yeah, of course. I’ll be waiting right over there.” He pointed to the exit and took off without another word.

         The moment he disappeared from sight, I ran to the washroom. Mercifully, there was a large enough window for me to slip out of on the other side of the room, near the stalls. I kicked off my heels and hurried to the window. Before I could reconsider how ridiculous I was being, I threw it open and tossed my shoes into the grass.

         Music from the main hall floated into the bathroom, a slow, romantic song beginning to play. Mr. Handsome might ask for a dance if I went back out there. Taking a deep breath, I swung one leg over the windowsill. The drop was maybe four feet. No big deal.

         Just as I was crawling my way out, an older woman entered. She froze in her tracks when our eyes locked.

         “May I ask which man it is you are running from?”

         “Tall, blond, beautiful brown eyes.”

         She started to grin. “Ah, Justin. Strange that you’re dashing away from such a perfect gentleman.”

        I attempted to smile back but gave up after a few seconds. “That’s the way I do things. I drink, and then I dash. He’ll find someone else no problem.”

         “That’s very true.” She walked over to the sinks and inspected her reflection. “Well, off with you. I’ll not speak a word of what I’ve witnessed. Have a lovely evening.”

         This time I did grin. “Thanks, you too!”

         And with that, I dropped down onto the ground on the other side.

        A few people threw me suspicious stares when I emerged from the bushes, walking slowly to the nearby bus stop, high heels in hand. The small clutch I’d brought as a purse didn’t have nearly enough room for what I typically considered essentials. Not only was it too small for a book, but I had to battle with it to fit my phone and some emergency money.

        “Good evening,” the bus driver said when I stepped onto the bus, his eyebrow raising when he looked down at my filthy feet.

         I had no idea how much longer I could put on fake smiles. “Hello.”

        He nodded when I showed my student ID with a bus pass sticker stuck to it. There were seven other people on the bus with me, excluding the driver. Two teenagers, three elderly people, and one young father with his child. The father was the only one to give me a smile instead of a glare.

         “Long night?” he asked when I took a seat at the front of the bus, across from him and his daughter, who looked around two years old.

         Most people never tried to talk to me in public. Then again, I almost always had earphones in. I cursed my clutch for not having enough space for them tonight.

          Shrugging, I crossed my feet, placing my clutch and shoes in the seat to my right. “You could say that. How old is she?” I used my chin to point at the little girl, not in the mood to discuss the extraordinary circumstances of my evening.

         “Turning three in a few months.” He had a five o’clock shadow, giving him a more rugged appearance.

         “Nice.”

        Our small talk ceased after that. For someone looking to build a career in communicating with people, I wasn’t the most social person. I preferred to spend time alone.

         Ten minutes later, the man and his daughter got off the bus. He told me to have a great day, despite it being close to ten at night, and then swept the girl up in his arms, leaving through the front set of doors.

         Guilt for abandoning Mr. Handsome—or, rather, Justin—didn’t sink in until I was making my way up the street to my apartment complex. I briefly wondered if he spent any time thinking about me before moving onto the next girl. It seemed unlikely.

         My roommate stared at me when he opened the door after I’d knocked a dozen times. He blinked, looking me up and down before taking a step back. “Okay, what’s the story this time?”

         “Don’t you dare judge me, Tony! I had to sneak out through the window in the ladies’ restroom. So, I apologize if I’m not as presentable as you’d like.”

         “Izzy, I’ve seen you in just about any state imaginable. Trust me, I don’t give a shit about your appearance.” We’d been best friends since second grade, Anthony and me. He was the only person I could consider a real friend these days.

         I sighed as loud as I could, stepping into the apartment. Tony jumped when I threw my heels on the floor. He had always been a bit jumpy. It made scaring him easy.

         He slunk back over to the stove, where he’d been making an omelette. “What’s the story this time? Did he manage to get a kiss out of you, or am I still the only one who’s had that honor?”

         Five years ago, during our sophomore year during a school dance, we’d both had our first kiss with each other. Tony liked to tease me about it whenever he got the chance. Like me, Tony had been terrible with the opposite sex as a teenager. Unlike me, Tony had had his fair share of relationships since that night five years ago.

         “You are still the only person I’ve gotten that close to,” I said, following him into the kitchen. “Do me a favor and unzip me.” I grinned at the smirk on his face when he turned to face me.

         Tony shook his head, motioning for me to turn around. “Do you realize how weird it is for you to act so chill around me? This is the literal definition of the friendzone.”

         Neither of us spoke for a moment, the awkward silence settling around us. Although we’d never had feelings for each other, there were times when the teasing went too far.

        I cleared my throat, pressing my dress to my chest when he’d unzipped it completely. “It’s a good thing we’re nothing more than best friends,” I said, turning back to look at him. “Other than that one time we kissed, of course.”

         In truth, Tony had to be one of the best-looking men I knew. His dark brown hair and eyes had a habit of making most girls swoon. Not a surprise, considering the family he came from had tons of beautiful people, his cousin especially. I’d only met him once, and couldn’t even remember his name, but I remembered the unreal face.

         “Just shut up and go change into something more comfortable. I need to hear tonight’s story. But wash your feet first. They’re filthy.” I stuck my tongue out at him when he went back to cooking his omelette, crossing the small space we called a living room over to my bedroom.

         Twenty minutes later, after I’d changed into some pajamas and washed my feet in the tub, I skipped back over to the kitchen. Tony placed a plate in front of me when I took a seat at the island. He waved me off when I grinned up at him, the smell of melted cheese from the omelette making my stomach growl.

        “Okay, let’s hear it.” He leaned on the counter across from me, his hair in desperate need of a trim. Bangs fell in his eyes, concealing the left side of his face.

         I held a finger up, finishing the bite of egg I’d taken. Tony waited patiently. “The night started out okay,” I said, taking another quick bite of my food. “And then he suggested that we get out of there and I knew that was my cue to run.”

        A grin spread across his face. “Izzy, why are you such a commitment-phobe? Actually, scratch that—why are you afraid of love in general? I can assure you that it’s not all that bad.”

         “Better things to do? I have a career to chase, everything else comes after that.”

         Tony sighed, taking the plate away once I’d cleared it. “It is possible to do both, you do know that, right?”

        I waved him off, standing from the stool and walking over to the easel in the corner of the room by the balcony. One side had all of my art supplies while the opposite wall had dozens of photos hanging everywhere. An expensive camera sat on a side table on top of two photo albums.

         “Is there any reason you have this particular photo out of the photo album?” I asked, nodding at the wedding photo from his cousin’s wedding a few years earlier that lay beside the camera. In it, his cousin and his wife stood surrounded by their family. Tony’s uncle—his cousin’s dad—was in a wheelchair, and the bride has two sets of parents standing near her. “You barely even talk to him.”

        Tony frowned, remaining at his spot in the kitchen. “What? I like that picture! The way her hair shines in the sunlight makes for a great shot. You don’t see hair that color naturally often.”

         “Yeah, whatever.” I laughed when he flipped me off. “Speaking of that, we should really get you out more to take some photos. I still have no idea why you’re studying business when you hate it.”

         The look he gave me could freeze Hell over. “Well, when your parents offer to pay for your education, you better damn well study what they want you to.”

        Our conversation about school ended there. Eventually, I gave up trying to paint something new and Tony decided to leave his spot behind the kitchen island. We dropped down on the couch at the same time, sitting in silence for several minutes before either one of us spoke.

         “I have a feeling we’re going to have to make one of those lame pacts to marry each other when we hit thirty.”

         I raised an eyebrow, turning my head to the side to look at him. “What makes you think that?”

        “Oh, I don’t know…maybe the fact that we’re both horrible at romantic relationships? You’ve never had one, and I can’t keep one for more than six months.” Despite trying to sound casual, I could see the genuine concern in Tony’s facial expression. He often worried he would never find the one.

         “I’m perfectly fine with living my life without romance,” I said, pulling my legs up on the couch with me. “Besides, us getting married would mean we’d be expected to have kids and everything. We can be platonic life-partners instead.”

        Tony rolled his eyes. “Would it kill you to let some romance in your life, Izzy? It’s not like men haven’t shown interest in you.”

        I sighed, reaching for the TV remote on the coffee table. “Yeah, and every single man who’s shown interest in me was someone I had no interest in.” Of course, I did feel lonely at times, not having someone to share my life with, but I had other things to worry about. Career things. Rent things. School things.

         My mother often badgered me for choosing to spend almost all my spare time at home with Tony, someone she knew I would never have romantic feelings for. She often sounded like someone straight out of a rom-com, lecturing me about how it was best to have children in my twenties. What she didn’t know was that I had no desire to become a mother, and that the idea of romance nauseated me. I’d much rather watch an action movie, or a horror.

         Which was why Tony and I got along so well. He loved gore, and so did I. I loved to make fun of romantic movies, and so did he. We were soulmates, just not the epic couple kind.

        “Well, should we watch a movie?” I looked over at him again and was unsurprised to see him scrolling through one of his dating apps. He couldn’t go more than a week without trying to find someone new. Sadly, I didn’t have the heart to tell Tony that the kind of girl he was looking for was likely in a bookstore and not on an app designed for hooking up with strangers in the area.

         Tony didn’t seem to hear me, continuing his search through the girls he matched with. I felt a little irritated, and no longer cared about biting my tongue. “Why don’t you go out and try to meet people the old-fashioned way?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. “There’s a girl who’s always at that café around the corner who stares at you every time we go there.”

        His thumb froze, hovering an inch over the screen. Curiosity shone in his eyes when he looked up at me. “Are you being serious?”

        “Yes. And, honestly, I think she’s probably more up your alley than those girls are.” He frowned, and a small voice whispered in my head to shut up, but I ignored it. “You also aren’t really the kind of guy who just wants to hook up. We both know you’re looking for a serious relationship.”

         “Izzy, we live in the age of online dating. Tell you what, I’ll attempt to meet someone the old-fashioned way—” he made air quotes while saying this—“if you’ll make yourself a profile and go on at least one date. I could even help you set the profile up!”

        Did I really want to do that? “Fine. One date, and that’s it. But if I end up getting murdered by a crazy person, that’s all on you.”

        He laughed, throwing his phone on the armchair a few feet away from the couch. “You’ve been watching way too many crime shows, that stuff rarely happens in real life.”

         And that was how we ended up sitting beside each other on the couch with a laptop in his lap, creating dating profiles for me on all the major websites. Except for Tinder. I refused to sign up for it, much to Tony’s dismay.

        We spent the better part of the night filling out profiles. Tony would ask me questions, I would give answers, and he would type them up. I could already feel the annoyance settling in.

         One date. I repeated that in my head until it became a mantra. One date, one guy, and then I would secretly delete all the dating apps from my phone and figure out how to deactivate the accounts. I could do this one thing if it meant Tony finding a girl he would actually enjoy spending time with.

         “Should we try to get you some matches now?” Tony asked, looking up at me with a smirk. “I bet it’ll be a great date.”

         “Can this wait until tomorrow? I doubt I’ll get that many matches anyway, what with my ridiculous profiles.”

        Tony groaned, shutting the laptop in his lap before placing it on the coffee table. “Fine. You don’t have to put much effort in with some of these sites anyway. It will find matches for you.”

         “Great,” I said, dragging out the word. “I can’t wait to meet someone I have no interest in. Thanks a lot, Tony.”

         After that, we watched The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It was the remake with Jessica Biel, and Tony fell asleep before anyone even died. While he snored beside me as the credits rolled, I snuck a look at my phone, the tiniest part of me wondering if I would have any matches.

         None. Zero. And although I knew none of the matches would interest me anyway, the knowledge that no one matched me bothered just a little more than I cared to admit.

[wits-writing]

Bumblebee (Movie Review)

Last night I managed to get into a preview screening for Bumblebee, a spinoff for one of the main robots from the Transformers franchise. Knowing this movie is directed by Travis Knight, who previously directed Kubo and the Two Strings, got my curiosity up despite the overall lackluster quality from the movies in the series that preceded it. Knight and screenwriter Christina Hodson deliver a soft-reboot for the live action Transformers movies more in line with the “Generation One” (or G1) aesthetic. The movie focuses on Charlie Watson (Hailee Steinfeld), a young mechanic in 1987 who gets caught up in the prelude to the Autobot and Decepticon’s conflict on Earth when she unknowingly comes in possession of the car serving as the alternate form of the Autobot soldier Bumblebee.

An important thing I want to lay down at the start of this review is that comparisons to the Michael Bay directed Transformers movies will be kept to a minimum. Everything that can be said about them has been and by smarter film analysts than me (I highly recommend Lindsay Ellis’s “The Whole Plate” video series.) It’s also important to not sell short what Knight, Hodson and the assembled cast and crew have accomplished with Bumblebee. Saying something is “better than one of the worst review film series of all time” is a low bar and this charming adventure deserves more credit than that.

[Full Review Under the Cut]

Bumblebee himself is introduced in an extended prologue sequence that’s as loving a tribute to Transformers G1 as possible. A good dozen recognizable Autobots and Decepticons cameo in a brief battle and escape sequence that gets described as the “Fall of Cybertron.” The part that takes place on Cybertron is brief but establishes a few things about who Bumblebee is before he gets launched to Earth for the remainder of the movie. While he does appear to have a rapport with Optimus Prime, voiced once again by Peter Cullen, it’s mostly as soldier and commanding officer rather than friends. At the start he doesn’t even have a proper title, as the others Cybertronians only ever call him “B127.” The movie uses his actions on Cybertron and in his arrival on Earth to establish his nobility as an Autobot soldier before a lot of who he was on Cybertron gets stripped away from him. In the first major Earth-based sequence of the movie, Bumblebee needs to fight off the Decepticon Blitzwing. While he’s able to defeat the other Transformer, it ends up damaging his memory circuits and costing him his voice putting him in the state he’ll be in for most of the movie afterwards.

It’s from that point on that the story’s focus shifts from Bumblebee to Charlie as the center of the movie. Her life and attitude get established quickly before her first encounter with Bumblebee, in his VW Beetle form. She’s kept herself at a distance from the rest of her family, particularly her mom and stepdad, since the sudden death of her father a few years ago. When she’s not working her menial job at a local pier amusement park, one of the ways she tries to keep her connection to her father alive within her is by throwing herself deeply into restoring a car they were working on together before his passing. Before any of her involvement with the Transformers story begins, Charlie’s relatable dilemmas and realistic depiction as a someone struggling to deal with trauma makes her a compelling character on her own.

The real heart of the movie finally comes in when Charlie, as an eighteenth birthday present to herself, manages to get the VW Beetle as her first car. The amnesiac, mute Bumblebee reveals himself to her quickly after she brings him home and the beginnings of their bond are immediate. Over the course of the movie, Charlie manages to give Bee his name, interest in music and the radio he ends up using to communicate as the story goes along. Most of the movie consists of Charlie and Bee hanging out, eventually alongside Charlie’s neighbor Memo (Jorge Lendeborg Jr.), and it’s some very endearing material. Bumblebee’s amnesia reflects on Charlie own loss of self in the wake of losing her dad and their shared arc shows how their friendship manages to help them both rediscover their identities. Seeing Charlie slowly come more alive as she gets out there and does more with her life after getting Bumblebee, from cruising down the highway to getting revenge on some of her bullies, adds to the overall lighthearted tone of this movie.

An overriding aspect of the aesthetics of this movie are how drenched it is in 80s nostalgia, thanks to the time period it’s set in. Musical cues, pop cultural references people make in dialogue and the band shirts Charlie wears for most of the movie are all appropriate and work to invoke the era of pop culture that gave the world Transformers in the first place. There are also points where, like other recent works banking on 80s-nostalgia, it feels like the movie almost leans a little too hard into reminding you of the time period. Even with the occasional problems involved with that aspect, it fits the kind of story Bumblebee is paying homage. It’s a movie in line with the aesthetic and tone of the family adventure movies of the 80s, the most obvious reference point being E.T. and all the movies that have tried to replicate it. Which is a strong point to hang everything else on and keeps things light.

There are two main antagonistic forces at play against Bumblebee and Charlie as the movie goes along. Introduced early on is Agent Burns (John Cena) from the top-secret agency Sector 7, one of the few explicit references to the other Transformers movies in Bumblebee. His interest in the Transformers comes from surviving after witnessing Bumblebee’s fight with a Decepticon right after Bee’s arrival on Earth. Burns’ motives are understandable in light of witnessing something he doesn’t understand and he gets to have an arc in terms of how he perceives Bumblebee as the movie goes on. On the Transformers side of the antagonists in this movie there are two main Decepticon villains, Shatter (voiced by Angela Bassett) and Dropkick (voiced by Justin Theroux). They arrive on Earth after detecting Bumblebee’s signal and hope to pry the location of Optimus Prime out of him by any means necessary. These two antagonists’ paths cross quickly as the Decepticons appeal to Sector 7 to allow them to use their technology to track the fugitive Autobot. Though Cena as Burns sees through their motive, getting to be the one in the movie to point out “They’re called Decepticons”, but his superiors end up going along with it on the assumption that eventually they’ll get the chance to destroy all the aliens.

Actions scenes in Bumblebee aren’t the focus of the movie’s priorities, but they are the one place where explicit comparisons between this movie and the Bay directed Transformers are the most unavoidable. The character designs for the Transformers present in the movie focus on communicating character, through movement, distinct silhouettes and color choice, so once the action kicks in everything’s easy to follow. The combat between the robots is mainly hand-to-hand grappling with the occasional use of a blade or blaster. Transforming mid-combat happens more often here than it ever did in the past movies and gets used in strategic ways to allow for certain movements or to build up momentum before coming in for the striking blow. Clarity of stakes and geography are kept throughout the movie, since these are close quarters combat encounters rather than massive, city wrecking shoot outs. None of these action beats outstay their welcome either, which can be a problem with modern blockbusters in general and not just the previous Transformers movies.

What mainly sells Bumblebee as a charming sci-fi blockbuster is the Charlie and Bumblebee dynamic. Running at under two hours and keenly focused about where to keep its priorities, this is a simple, fun movie for older G1 fans and potential newcomers to the franchise alike. If you were at all iffy on this one, know that it pulls off what it sets out to do in giving Bumblebee a compelling origin in the form of a soft reboot of the film series.

If you like what you’ve read here, please consider throwing some support my way at either Patreon or Ko-Fi at the extension “/witswriting”

[asroarke]

Hey can you do single mom clarke cause i love those and Bellamy meeting her and being like head over heels but she cautious cause she doesn’t want her and her kid to be let down again and just him showing her he’s devoted and just domestic fluff please

Sorry this took so long! Loosely inspired by that time my eight-year-old self unknowingly played matchmaker at my mom’s office [ao3]

The most infuriating thing about Bellamy Blake was that heactually turned out to be a nice guy. It was easy for her to ignore howattractive he was when she thought he was an asshole… but then he just had to prove that he wasn’t, whichruined everything.

It’s how Clarke ended up developing a harmless little officecrush on him. It wasn’t anything serious… Clarke didn’t do serious. She learneda long time ago that having a kid and dating usually didn’t mix, and she’d hatefor Madi to get attached to someone else who might leave Clarke and her in theend. It was easier to just not get seriously involved. So, a harmless crush onthe guy in the cubicle next to her seemed like a pretty safe bet…

… that is, until he asked her out. Upon seeing the panickedlook on her face, he immediately backtracked on the offer, probably worriedthat he misread something… which of course, he didn’t. Clarke had beenpractically drooling over him for weeks now. “I just… It’s complicated becauseI have a kid,” Clarke finally stuttered out, and he narrowed his eyes at her. “It’snot that I don’t want to, but I shouldn’t.”

“Okay,” he replied, a question still in his voice as hespoke… which was how Clarke ended up telling him the entire Finn Collins saga,complete with how attached Madi got to him at such a young age all the way tohow Clarke found out about Raven Reyes. It all happened when Madi had just beenwith Clarke for a year, so the feeling of abandonment she felt when Finnstopped being around was really difficult to remedy. “Hey, I get it,” Bellamyreassured with a small smile that didn’t quite cover up the sting of Clarke’srejection. “If I had known about all of that, I wouldn’t have put you on thespot like this.” Clarke opened her mouth to offer another apology, but he stuckup his hand to stop her. “We’re good, princess,” he smirked before ducking backinto his cubicle.

When the babysitter called in sick, Madi immediately lit upwith excitement because she knew that it meant she got to go to work withClarke. It didn’t happen often, just on snow days where it was bad enough forschool to get cancelled but not bad enough for Clarke to miss work and onsummer days where the babysitter couldn’t come in. Madi gathered her thingsquickly as Clarke called Jaha to make sure it was okay that Madi came in withher. Jaha didn’t care, mainly because Madi was at an age where she could takecare of herself for the most part. Her being there wouldn’t interfere withClarke heading off to meetings, and she is a pretty well-behaved kid in the firstplace.

“Who’s the hobbit?” Murphy asked as he walked by hercubicle. Clarke spun around in her chair, raising an eyebrow at him. Luckily,Madi thought it was the funniest thing and erupted into giggles.

“My daughter. Babysitter called in sick so she’s with metoday,” Clarke replied.

“Wait, little Griffin is here?” Bellamy called out in thecubicle beside her, and she heard his chair squeak when he got up to walk over.

“Madi, this is Bellamy,” Clarke introduced, and Murphyseemed to be bored with the conversation and shrugged away. “He’s like mynext-door neighbor.”

Madi narrowed her eyes up at him, taking a momentary breakfrom unpacking her the stuff she brought to keep busy in order to assess him.“You don’t like whistle all the time while you’re working, right?” she asked.

An accidental snort escaped Clarke before she remembered tosay, “Madi!” Luckily, Bellamy thought her question was hilarious, especiallygiven how much he’d listen to Clarke rant about her previous cubicle neighbor’sendless whistling.

“Sometimes, I read emails out loud, but if that getsannoying, just do what your mom does and throw a paper ball over the cubiclewall,” he teased with a wink before stepping back into his cubicle.

Clarke was walking back to her desk after a conference call,feeling a bit worn out from going over something that could have been coveredin a quick email for forty-five minutes with Kane. Right when she was about toturn the corner, she heard Madi giggling.

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows as she looked into her cubicle,not seeing Madi in her normal spot. The giggling was coming from Bellamy’scubicle. She tiptoed over, seeing Madi sitting next to his desk as Bellamy’shead leaned back, trying to balance a pen on his nose. “Hard at work, I see,”Clarke teased, catching Bellamy so off guard that he slipped backwards, and thepen fell to the floor, which made Madi’s laughter only louder.

“You messed me up,” he mumbled, as he scrambled to grab thepen again. “We had the timer going and everything,” he said very seriously, andClarke struggled to keep a straight face.

“It was about to fall anyway,” Madi pointed out, and Bellamylet out a mock-offended huff.

“Ye of little faith,” he sighed as he put his pen back inthe drawer. “Everything go okay with Kane?”

“Yeah,” she groaned.

“Are we going to get lunch now?” Madi interrupted, andClarke had been so rattled this morning that she had forgot to think throughlunch for Madi. Usually, Clarke just grabbed a protein bar from the vendingmachine, despite Bellamy’s constant lecturing.

“Yeah, let me go grab my purse,” Clarke replied beforewalking back over to her cubicle, and she could hear Madi mumbling something toBellamy.

“Can Bellamy come?” she asked, and Clarke froze in hertracks, thankful they were on the other side of a cubicle wall and couldn’t seeher reaction. It took Clarke a moment to remember that it was just lunch. Itwasn’t like she and Bellamy hadn’t grabbed lunch before. Clarke just didn’texpect Madi to warm up to someone so quickly.

“Bellamy, you’re not too busy?” Clarke asked, giving him theopportunity to turn this down without upsetting Madi.

Bellamy popped his head over to her cubicle with an eyebrowraised. “Depends. Do I need to get that file into Kane by one?” he asked,knowing full well that he had until the end of the day to get it in. He wasjust giving Clarke the same opportunity to turn this plan down if she wasn’tcomfortable with it.

“No,” she smiled with a sigh, and he narrowed his eyes ather, studying to see if she was really sure she was okay with it.  She nodded again, which seemed to reassurehim.

It shouldn’t have surprised her that Bellamy was good withMadi. He was good with everyone’s kids when they came to the office. He seemedto have a natural gift with it, which made it really hard to ignore thosefeelings that she had been trying to bury since he asked her out. She foundherself getting lost in watching them talk at lunch. It was like the two ofthem had been coconspirators forever. Bellamy didn’t talk to her like a child,a mistake most adults made with Madi, and he kept her talking about things shewas interested in. And Madi seemed rather taken with him, something kind ofrare for her since she is normally someone who gets that comfortable aroundadults she doesn’t know well.

Clarke was sad when lunch was over and they had to go backto work, and she mentally lectured herself the entire drive back, remindingherself of why she had to reject Bellamy. Yes, he was good with Madi today. ButClarke could already see Madi getting attached again, and the most importantthing for Clarke was to protect Madi from getting hurt again. So, she needed topush her feelings for Bellamy aside.

Jasper swung by the cubicle, asking if Madi wanted to helphim decorate the conference room for Monty’s birthday, which Madi jumped atexcitedly. She was gone for a total of thirty seconds before Clarke heardBellamy rolling his chair out of his cubicle and awkwardly scooting it towardhers. “Hey,” she chuckled.

“Hey,” he said, a bit more pensively.

“You okay?” she asked, cocking her head to the side. He ranhis fingers through his hair, a habit that Clarke found incredibly distracting.

“Yeah, I just… are we okay?” he asked, and Clarke raised aneyebrow at him in confusion. “You were just really quiet at lunch, and I wasworried I crossed some kind of line today because I know we talked about thisbut—”

“We’re okay,” she interrupted, though he didn’t seem sold onher response. “I was just distracted, that’s all,” she said, leaving out that hewas what was distracting her.

“Are you sure?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowed as hestudied her more closely. “Was it because I asked you out last week? I’m sorry.I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No, it’s fine,” she said quickly. “I mean, yes, that’s why Iwas distracted, but that’s not on you. It’s not your fault that I couldn’t sayyes,” she mumbled before she realized what she just blurted out. His eyeswidened a bit before he caught himself, and Clarke bit down on her lip.

“Would you have said yes if things were less complicated?”he whispered a bit quieter.

“Yeah,” she admitted, looking down at her hands. Before shecould go further, Jasper jogged back toward them, excitedly asking Bellamy togo keep Monty distracted. Clarke opened her mouth to protest him leaving, butit was too late. He passed her a reassuring look and took off toward Monty’sdesk.

When Clarke came back into work the next day, this timewithout Madi since the babysitter was back, Clarke buried herself in paperwork.She had gotten to work early, trying to make up for how distracted she was forall the afternoon yesterday. She jumped every time she heard the main dooropen, just waiting for the moment that Bellamy walked back in. When it turnedout to be someone else, she would let out a breath, relieved that she had a fewmore moments to figure out what the hell to say to him.

Then, Jaha stormed into her cubicle with news about a crisisshe needs to help him with, which meant Clarke was dragged away from her deskfor the rest of the morning and her lunch break.

When she finally got back to her cubicle, she was starvingand ready to stab anyone that looked at her the wrong way. But on her desk, shefound a McDonald’s bag, complete with all her favorite fast food for when shegot too stressed. With a smirk, Clarke carried the bag over to Bellamy’scubicle. “Thought you might be hungry,” he teased as he spun around. “You mightwant to heat it up, though. I didn’t know when you’d be back, and it’s beensitting there for an hour.”

“I will. Come with me,” she asked, gesturing for him tofollow her toward the breakroom. It was empty when she got in there, which madesense since everyone else would have taken their lunch break, you know, during lunch. “About yesterday…” Clarkestarted as she got her food onto a plate.

“You don’t have to explain,” he interrupted. Before Clarkecould argue, he continued, “Look, I was raised by a single mom. I wish she hadbeen as concerned as you are about dating and who she let us become attachedto. Seeing guy after guy walk out our door messed me up for a long time.”

Clarke stopped what she was doing to look up at him. He wasn’tlooking at her. He was resting against the counter, bracing his hands on eitherside of him as he looked out across the room.

“And Madi is a really good kid. I would hate for her to gothrough what my sister and I did, so I understand why you said no,” he saidvery seriously. It wasn’t that Clarke thought he wouldn’t understand, but shedidn’t expect him to understand and respect her decision this well. Too manyguys had thrown her rejections back at her as excuses for being scared of relationships,which was partially true but still an aggressive and disrespectful way tohandle a rejection.

If there was ever anyone that Clarke could trust not to hurther and Madi, it would be Bellamy, she realized. He was always taking care ofClarke in small ways. He clicked with Madi immediately, connecting with her ona level that hardly any other adults bothered to. He understood where Clarkewas coming from. He understood that Madi was always going to come first.

And given what he just told her, Clarke didn’t think hewould just break both their hearts and disappear without a word.

“Ask me again,” she blurted out, and Bellamy’s head whippedin her direction, his eyes wide with confusion.

“Clarke,” he stuttered out when he realized what she meant, “Idon’t know what you’re—”

“I have a different answer this time,” Clarke said, and heblinked a few times before his eyes softened.

“Really?” he asked, almost suspiciously.

“Yeah,” she replied, and slowly, that perfect smile of hisformed on his lips, mirroring the smile on hers.

[mmazzeroo]

DANY III - I’m Ready When You Are

@helloimnotawesome - Finally an update for you! Chapter 10 - Dany/Arya/Ghost/Jon bonding. Enjoy!

Thank you so much for your patience! <3 Have about a week left of uni (before Christmas) and then we’ll be back on track! 

DANY III - I’m Ready When You Are

'Come say hello to Ghost', he said. 'It'll be fun', he said. The fun had mainly consisted of watching Arya's face. It had been a pendulum swinging between awestruck and pure childish joy. From her trembling it was clear she had to physically restrain herself from just running over and hug the dog tightly - like she'd done with Jon. Ghost on the other hand hand been completely mellow and had an overbearing look to him. Probably due to the pain meds Sam had giving him not long before they arrived back in the room. Twice a day Ghost was still given a small doses of meds to help with the pain from the burn wounds. Though healing up well they were still very sore and causing him a large amount of pain especially when touched. And, she'd shown Sam where the vials were kept and how to administer it for the times when he and Ghost were alone.

They'd given Ghost his own mattress on the floor over by the wall. That way it was easier to get him up on his own, no need for any lifting. Simply being in same room as Jon seemed to be enough now, and this way he has facing the door which was another calming factor. So all in all they'd managed to make him a pretty chilled out winter dog at this point. Arya was laying on her side next to Ghost on his mattress. His mattress very important detail - the dog had literally tipped his head while glancing to the mattress to invite Arya to join him. A detail that had excited Arya even more!

As her and Jon had foreseen, Sam had protested mildly when told he could have the night off, but it was clear to all it was a half-hearted attempt out of politeness. Before leaving he had giving Jon his nightly dose of pain meds as well, and Jon had fallen asleep not long after. Leaving Arya and herself alone - and awake.

Hours later she was sitting in her usual chair - conveniently sandwiched between Jon's bed and Ghost's mattress - quietly catching up on paperwork when Arya started her, expected, third-degree.

"So..." Here we go. Brace yourself Dany! "Why weren't you welcoming Jon back home?"

Keeping her eyes on the papers she continued to write. Don't look up, Dany! This is just a tiny matter. No need to fuel her curiosity. Nothing to see here. Move along.

"Because I was here last night when Ned and Sam told him."

"Why?"

"Because he asked me to stay."

"Jon did?"

"Yes, Jon did." Don't look up, Dany! Remember this is just like any other boring conversation you don't want to be part of.

"Of course he did." Arya chucked lightly. Write, Dany, write. Stay busy. Stay focused. "Anyone could see the way he looks at you."

"How does he look at me?" Oh gods, she's smelling blood!

"Oh don't give me that!" She could feel Arya's eyes on her, seeing right through like a laser.

"I'm not. I don't know how you think your brother looks at me." Well done! You almost didn't sound desperate to know how Jon looks at you. Mentally rolling eyes at self. For fuck's sake, Dany!

"Like you're the oasis in his desert. Like you're the rescue-boat in his ocean." Despite teasing there was a softness to Arya's voice.

The thought of Jon looking at her like that took her breath away. Could it be? She hadn't just imagined that little exchange about 'crossing lines'? Breathe, Dany, nice and easy.

"...like you're a shelter in his storm...like you're a fire in his freezing winter..." Arya was still yapping away.

"No he doesn't." Oh gods, does he? Please let it be true.

"...like you're Marg and he's Robbie...like you're Brienne and he's Tormund"

"Alright, I heard you, Arya." Now she's just being ridiculous. Right?!

"...like you're a library and he's Bran.."

"I said I heard you."

"...like you're a pair of Jimmy Choo and he's Sansa!" Arya had trouble containing her laughter now.

"I heard you!" She hissed and finally looked at Arya. Oh yes, please let me be all that  to you, Jon, and more! Sending her, what she hoped was, an angry look - not that Arya would really care anyway. Giving a quick glance towards Jon before looking back at Arya. "Keep it down! Please."

"Ok, alright. Sorry." Arya mockingly put her hands up as if surrendering. Mumbling she added "...and you look at him the same way."

"What?! No I don't!" Oh gods am I that obvious?!

"'The lady doth protest too much, methinks.'"

"No, I'm not." You are and you know it...

"Protesting too much or lying?" A smug look on Arya's face now.

"Both. Neither. I mean..," she sighed in defeat. Damn it!

"If you say so li'l miss heart-eyes," another chuckle from Arya.

"His wife—"

"—was Naathi. For them it's as simple as 'you love each other till you don't' - 'you're together with someone till you're not.'" Arya slowly got up and moved closer. "For Jon to love her she must've been a special woman and I'm sure she'd want Jon to be happy with or without her. If being with you makes him happy I fail to see how that would be a bad thing."

She had to admit that Arya was right. When she had left, fled from, this room in the afternoon, maybe 12 hours ago, all flustered she'd gone to see Missandei. Just like Arya she'd seen straight through her - and she'd told her pretty much the same thing as Arya. What was it Elia's brother always said? 'The heart wants what it wants'. Yes, ok fine, but why does it want something at a highly inconvenient time?! And what if this 'thing' didn't work? Then what? How would that affect their families? Would it ruin the whole dynamics, the 'one big family' feeling they had going and that she and all the Stark kids had grown up with?? Dany, you're over-thinking again. Stop it! Stop. It.

With a sigh she warily looked at Arya. "I guess, you're right."

"I know I am."

Shaking her head slightly, she couldn't help but smile at the level of confidence Arya was displaying on this subject.

"Look, I'm not saying you should throw yourself at him but if something hasn't happened in like...I don't know...a week—"

"A week?! Are you crazy?!" she hissed again, but as usual Arya kept going completely undaunted.

"—then I'll plaster this room with mistletoe! Neither of you would be able to move even a nanometer without being underneath one - and we all know what must happen underneath a mistletoe."

"You're incorrigible!"

"I'll take that as a compliment." Flashing a big grin she sat back next to Ghost.

That's when the fun stopped for everyone.

Though clearly still sleeping, Ghost was growling and his big fangs were showing. The look in Arya's eyes instantly went from mirth to fear and worry. Slowly backing away she went closer to Jon's bed until she couldn't get any further.

"What's happening?? I didn't hurt him, I swear!"

"Arya, I know you didn't. He's having a nightmare. He's been having them all week - just like his pack-leader up there." She tipped her head slightly to indicate who she was talking about.

"Jon has nightmares?"

She nodded slowly. "Yes, but right now we need to concentrate on calming down Ghost before he might do something that could harm himself - or others."

Hearing the last two words Arya's eyes grew even bigger before seemingly calming herself down and proceeded to ask, "anything I can do to help?"

"I know how this'll sound considering how angry he looks right now, but the best way to calm him is to gently touch him and just talk to him in a calm, even, and friendly voice. Can you do that? If not, it's ok and then just stay over there by Jon."

"Yeah I..," she swallowed, "I can do that."

"Ok, then take a couple of deep breathes to steady yourself before quietly sitting down next to me."

Arya nodded eagerly.

She placed herself so that Arya was still close yet behind her. 'Just a precaution'.

"What do I say to him?"

"Anything as long as you keep your voice calm and friendly. You don't need to whisper though," she glanced to her side catching Arya's eye and received a sheepish smile in return.

Arya began telling a story about a little black cat who was scared of everything, and gently stroked Ghost on his head and down his neck and back. Getting her stethoscope from her bag next to the chair she was checking his breathing and heart-rate. Both were still more rapid than she'd like. He'd stopped growling at least. Noticing Arya's eyes on her she nodded slightly indicating for her to keep talking. Now the little cat had arrived at Dr. Owl's office where he was being tickled with a feather and asked if he got enough vitamins. How does she come up with this stuff? His breathing slowed down to a more acceptable rate, but his heart was still racing. Expected as gods know what awful things he must've seen in that sweet head of his. His fangs weren't showing anymore either. Arya's little black cat had now been given a courageous heart by Dr. Owl and was now happy as could be and playing with everyone he met. Again, she couldn't help smiling at Arya's wondrous mind. That girl sure is one of a kind!

Finally Ghost had calmed down and was peacefully asleep again.

She looked over at Arya. "That was really good work," winking she added, "you'd make a great vet."

"Thanks, but think I'll stick with being a paramedic for now."

"How did you come up with that story off the top of your head?"

"I didn't. It's called—"

"—Fraidy Cat." A gruff voice answered from the bed behind them.

Briefly they looked at each other before in unison getting on their feet and over to Jon.

He turned his head giving them a lazy smile.

"It was my favourite story as a kid. Mom read it to me every night before bed." There was a light chuckle. "Dad had read it to me and I instantly loved the story. Mom didn't know it and I wouldn't go to sleep without it. On nothing but willpower I kept myself awake all night and late into the next afternoon. Gods I hope my own kids aren't that stubborn!" They are and the next ones will too. DANY!!!

They all laughed at that.

"After that she had Aunt Lya come and tell it to me until mom had learned it too. Never understood how Aunt Lya knew it though."

"Because dad used to read it to her when she was a child." Both her and Jon looked at Arya in surprise. "He's read it for all of us. He calls it a family heirloom. By the time me and Bran were born the book had been worn out so now we just all learn it by heart." She gave a little shy smile. "I can guarantee he'll be telling the story to Adei and Amador as well if he hasn't already." The smile had grown bigger now.

"I'd love it if he did." Gods, I'm getting all teary again. Get a grip, Dany! "Thank you for calming Ghost down by the way. Must be the accident."

"But Vis told me you were a K9 unit..," Arya trailed off.

"I was - with another dog. Ghost is only a few years old. Luckily he hasn't had to go on any missions with me."

"Oh, I'm sorry I just thought..," again trailing off.

"It's ok, Arya. How could you've known?"

"Right." Looking between Jon and her Arya cleared the throat and said, "Well, it's almost time for my shift to begin, so should go get some food and get ready."

Arya leaned in to give her brother a hug and then left giving her a wink as she walked out the door.

"What was that about?"

"What?"

"The wink."

"Oh nothing, just something we talked about earlier when you were sleeping." Wait! "You were sleeping, right?"

"Yes I was." He chuckled. "Why? What did you talk about?"

"Nothing." She smiled nervously "Why? What did you hear?" Oh gods no!

"Nothing." Is he laughing? Oh gods he's laughing! Why is he laughing? "Though I'll take your nervous denying as a sign that you were talking about 'something' rather than 'nothing'. Is he smirking at me?!

"Oh for fuck's sake! Reading me like a godsdamned open book!" She stared at him horrified. "Oh no! That wasn't supposed to be said out loud!" Embarrassing! Turning to leave her hand was grabbed before she could step away.

"Dany! Please. Stay." That husky but oh so soft voice. Damn it! She slowly turned around looking down at their hands. "I let you run out on me once, I can't let you do it twice. You asked me not to hide from you, remember?" She nodded slowly. "And so I didn't and I won't." He squeezed her hand. "Now I'm asking you, Dany, to please don't run from me."

She took a deep breath as she slowly lifted her eyes to look at him.

"I'm afraid...with you."

There was a slight smile on his face at her mimicking his words from the day before, and he played along saying, "sorry if I've crossed any lines with you. That was never my intention."

"You haven't," she removed her hand from his to balance herself as she leaned in closer to lightly touch his forehead with hers, "but I'm afraid I might want you to."

From this position all she could see was steel grey eyes swimming with something she was too scared to name yet.

Moving his head slightly giving her a quick little peck at the tip of her nose he said, "I'm ready when you are."