#my mind is currently focused on different mediums regarding them

[keii]

JoRo sketch dump, but also just realizing that with each new iteration of Jowa, he just keeps getting bigger.

[victorluvsalice]

Multifandom Tiny Town: Occult Thoughts

Hello all, it's time for another post where I babble on about my ideas for a potential multifandom Tiny Town Challenge that I may or may not actually get off the ground. :p Today's topic -- the potential occult statuses of my tiny town residents! Because you know me -- I love my occult Sims. :D I've pondered this topic on and off for a little while regarding all the various members of the town, and here's what I've come up with --

Smiler Alton: Those glowing yellow eyes of theirs might be from Vampires, but in this world, I think I'd actually like Smiler to be a Spellcaster! Specifically, a spellcaster with a focus on the Alchemy branch of magic, because my Smilers are always supposed to be great chemists/alchemists (and this Smiler would be one based on my Valicer In The Dark Smiler, so that would be doubly true for them). I'm thinking that, once they've learned a few recipes and gotten sufficiently good at magic to have them come out good quality every time (and have finished the "can only earn money from their chosen skill to build their house" portion of the challenge), they could start selling the potions along with their nectar bottles! Feels right for them. :)

Victor Van Dort: Much like in my current Chill Valicer Save file, this Victor would end up becoming another Spellcaster -- but unlike the CVS Victor, who focuses on Practical magic, this Victor would specialize in Untamed magic. Like, of course I'd let him get some Practical spells ("Repairio" and "Scruberoo" are like must-haves for any spellcaster, and I think everyone in the tiny town would benefit from him having "Copypasto"), but I'd really lean in on him learning the Untamed stuff. Reason? Untamed magic has the "Necrocall" and "Dedeathify" spells, and given my plan for this Victor is for him to build up the Medium skill and eventually become a Paranormal Investigator (once he's done painting his way to a house), it feels thematically appropriate for him to get those spells. (Hell, it just feels thematically appropriate for him given he comes from a movie called Corpse Bride -- and you could argue that he, however accidentally, called Emily out of her grave there, soooo...)

Alice Liddell: Alice was a bit of a tricky one to figure out -- mostly because I've already done two occult life states with her over two different save files (she became a vampire in the original Newcrest Adventures stuff, and she's currently a werewolf in the the Chill Valicer Save), meaning I was like "I kinda want to do something else with her" for this potential save file. But I wasn't sure if I wanted to do a third spellcaster either, and I didn't like the idea of leaving her an ordinary human...

And then I remembered an old post of mine where I made fun of myself for turning Emily into a mermaid and Alice into a vampire whenever I was doing some sort of supernatural/fantasy AU when, based on their canons, they should be the other way around, and went "oh hey!" XD So yes, in this file, Alice would eventually become a Mermaid! I've never actually played a mermaid before, so this would be a fun new challenge (well, sort of, I don't think mermaids are all that hard to play) -- and, as indicated in the linked post, I already have an idea of what Alice should look like as a mermaid thanks to that concept art of her as one for the original Deluded Depths stuff. Plus, I know one of the powers you get as a mermaid is changing the weather, and given how many times I've had to slap a weather machine down on a lot to stop it raining when I travel, that should come in very handy. :D Only trouble would be getting the mermadic kelp, as I'd prefer to find it in Sulani rather than just buy it with aspiration points, but -- I don't think the tiny town would mind a group vacation to the islands, right? XD

Emmett Brown: By contrast, deciding for Emmett was easy -- he's going to be a Regular Sim. No occult powers at all. Reason?

Well, once he builds up his house with his prowess in robotics, I intend for him to enter the Scientist active career. I figure the minute he has a SimRay and a few serums under his belt, he'll be able to keep up with all the supernatural nonsense happening around him. XD And hey, "Mad Scientist" counts as a technical occult, right?

Mal Kavian: Another easy one -- Mal is explicitly supposed to be the female Malkavian fledgling from Vampire: the Masquerade -- Bloodlines, so she has to start as a Vampire! Though I'm planning on running her differently from how I usually do vampires in this game, by limiting her powers and planning her weaknesses around what would be true of a VTMB-style vampire. I actually did a whole series of posts on how you could convert VTMB vampires to Sims 4 back in 2018, so I already have an idea of what I'd do, though I probably wouldn't EXCLUSIVELY limit myself to "just Malkavian disciplines-themed powers" -- I'd like for Mal to get super-speed or a teleport power at some point! But yeah, she'd be my first vampire who stays permanently weak to the sun, which should make gameplay -- interesting. Smiler, I think I'm gonna have to have you get some Vampire Lore skill just so you can mix that drink that turns vampires solar-powered for her whenever she needs to go out in the daylight!

Preston Garvey: Preston was another tricky one, since I wasn't sure what occult status would actually fit him. I was tempted to just leave him a normal sim for a while...but after thinking about it a bit more, I think it might be interesting to make him a Werewolf! A friendly one, of course, since Preston's a friendly guy. :) Just think it might make for some neat gameplay/story opportunities to have him struggling with his inner Beast, especially near the beginning of his infection -- and Preston would be a lot more inclined to do pack-related stuff, unlike Alice in the Chill Valicer Save, so I'd be able to do something with that as well! Plus I could experiment with getting some different powers at different times -- Preston might be more suited for getting that "eat random objects" power, since he comes from a post-apocalyptic setting where the ability to eat whatever when you were hungry would be VERY useful. XD

Wheatley Notamoron: While I do have a human Wheatley in my Library (I created him for the Newcrest Adventures save file, along with a Chell), I really want to make the Wheatley in this save file a Servo -- after all, the original Wheatley was a robot, so why not make the Sims version one as well? Plus Servos are another life state I haven't played with a lot (Marm L. Iser is a very recent addition to the Chill Valicer Save), so figuring out how to navigate robot-hood with him would be an interesting challenge. (Though, given how fast charge and durability seems to go down on newly-activated Servos, I'm glad he's going to be living on a lot with six other people to help with his needs!) Of course, the trick here is, you can't make a Servo in CAS, so how do I get Servo!Wheatley into my Library so he's ready to move into the Tiny Town later... Guess my best option would be to find a room with a prebuilt-but-not-activated Servo in it on the Gallery, have a random Sim in a random save activate him, then give said Servo the right name, paint job, and traits before saving him to the Gallery. (Or I suppose I could have Emmett build him, as his whole thing is Robotics, but that DOES feel a bit weird...we'll see how things go, I guess!)

And there we have it -- two spellcasters, a mermaid, a scientist, a vampire, a werewolf, and a Servo all in one tiny town. Shit will be chaotic. XD But then again, were we expecting it not to be?

[shintorikhazumi]

English! AU (1): “My Name is Hannah England.”

A/N: Yeah, it only took me like... 3 years to release this. Wow. Nice. If you’ve seen the OG post for the details for this AU, then you’ve seen it.

Hannah England. I love her.

Enough said.

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

"What do you mean I have to come back?!"

An impatient tapping of a foot.

"Well, I can tell you that I bloody won't! Wasn't I removed from the- No! He said it himself. If I were to choose to be a witch, I'd- Mother! NO! Are you listening- Mother I cannot, WILL NOT- We had an agreement!"

She twirled the telephone wire around her finger anxiously until it was so short she had to release it.

No. This could not be happening. No, not now. They had promised! They'd talked about this! This wasn't fair! She had held up her end of the bargain-

"...HAH?! You've sent them to- NO, NO, NO... NO!"

There wasn't even a knock. There was barely even a warning.

It wasn't a cliche breaking down of doors, or smashing of windows, however. It was a swift opening of the door, so fast it barely made a sound.

And there they were.

"N-no..."

"Miss England."

"No... NO! NO, you- YOU CAN'T TAKE ME!"

"These are national orders. I'm afraid there is nothing we can do."

There was nothing she could do.

"W-why..." She choked out, still in a defensive stance, a candleholder held up as a weapon. "We... My grandfather and I agreed on this. I was not to be included in the run-"

"Miss England- no." The bespectacled man caught himself, clearing his throat once before staring at the young girl dead on. "Miss Windsor."

Her eyes widened upon hearing that name, weapon dropping to the floor. She quickly narrowed those same eyes however as she remembered what it meant.

It filled her with rage.

"I- that's no longer-"

"You may only be the fourth in line. However..."

A document was presented to her, with the official signature of... the king... and...

"The prime minister is your primary backer. Do you really think you are in a position to reject?"

"..."

"You have been chosen by most ambassadors."

"Why." It pissed her off. It made her fume. Why. After so long. After all these years. After they'd agreed not to-

"Because according to his majesty... no one is better suited for winning the crown..."

She stepped back as he came forward, grasping her by the arm.

"Than the one who does not want to win the fight for it at all."

//-//-//-//-//

"Hannah? Hannah?" Barbara called out. "We're back?" She went to check Diana's section of the room, the bathroom, and even the closets, hoping to find her best friend in the room. "Hmm... maybe she went for dinner first?"

"Barbara? What's wrong?" Diana walked into the room, brushing some dirt off her coat. This made Barbara automatically check her appearance in the mirror.

"Oh... nothing." Though maybe she should have said that they looked all wrong.

Gosh. They both needed a bath. That five-day mission didn't do their appearances and smells too kindly, it seemed.

She couldn't face Hannah like this. She needed to wash up before meeting the person she'd missed the most these past few days.

Oh, just why did the latest missions have to be pair missions? At least Hannah had gone with Amanda. That put Barbara at ease with regards to her safety. Though, she admitted she was just a little jealous that two of her- ehem- “potential love interests” had been able to go with each other, enjoying themselves without her.

Yes, she’d boldly admit to liking them both.

Sucy’s shaming should never get to her!

Shaking such thoughts and feelings out of her head, she focused on the task at hand. The sooner she got cleaned up, the sooner she could see Hannah! (And Maybe Amanda at dinner, too.)

//-//-//-//-//

A warm shower was only half as good without Hannah.

Ahhhh... just where was she? Barbara could barely wait to sneak into her bed and cuddle 'til daybreak-

"Barbara?" A muffled voice came from the other side of the bathroom door.

Turning the running water off, she replied to the call, "Yes, Diana?"

"Did Hannah mention anything about another mission? I was under the impression she'd just gotten back from the previous one she'd told us about. Or has she not arrived yet?"

Huh? That was strange. Hannah was supposed to have arrived a day or two after she and Diana left.

Wiping herself down and wrapping a towel about her, she exited the steaming room, a frown decorating her features.

"Not that I know of. I didn't notice any notes or letters either..." Now she was beginning to feel strange. "She didn't send any familiar or anything, right?"

Diana mirrored her frown.

"...No. She did not."

A knock came against their door.

"Yes?" Diana answered it as her companion inside quickly got dressed, now in more casual wear.

"Diana! Hannah! Oh, thank goodness you're back!" Akko lunged at her bestfriend, holding tight, that faint blush on the heiress' face going unnoticed. "I was wondering if you knew! I just had to ask! I mean, I'm not that close with her and all yet, but I thought we were friends at least! She didn't say a word! Oh! But I figured you two would know, right? Strange that even Amanda doesn't know... I know they don't always get along, and quarrel and stuff, but Sucy always called them lovers' spats and-"

"Akko." Diana stilled Akko's rambling, grasping her face with both hands, then quickly noticing the intimacy of that gesture and stepping away, releasing the girl. "S-sorry."

"A-ah.. n-no... I-"

"Um... what was... what are you talking about?" Diana tried as she regained her composure. Barbara rolled her eyes fondly at the exchange.

Dorks.

"Oh right!" The girl rushed forward into the room to grab Barbara by the wrist, as well as Diana, dragging them out into the corridors towards the direction of the mess hall.

"Akko?!"

"I wanted to ask you!"

"What?"

They had finally arrived in the dining room, quickly approaching their usual table where the group of friends were gathered about Lotte's magical orb that was now projecting something akin to what one would see on a television screen.

"This!" She pointed.

“What-”

"Why is Hannah on TV?"

"...Huh?!" Barbara suddenly slammed her hands on the table at that sight, surprising everyone including herself because why was Hannah on TV?! And... Why was she next to...

"Also, why did Hannah suddenly have to leave school? It was announced during homeroom for the ones already back from missions."

"What?!" Now Barbara was even more confused. Hannah hadn't mentioned anything about this at all!

"Akko! Shhh!" Lotte scolded, Amanda clamping a hand over their loveable dork's mouth. "We're trying to find out what's going on!"

["The situation in the palace has not been disclosed to the press; however, it seems to be confirmed that dire conditions are currently in place as more and more of the possible successors have returned to the capitol."]

"That reporter is kinda my type- oof!"

"You deserved that." Sucy grinned as Amanda rubbed the sore spot Barbara had inflicted pain on.

"Fuck you."

"No thanks."

["None have been willing to give their statements thus far, but... Oh! We have here the fourth in line! Martin, go get her more focused in the shot since she's the closest- no! Miss Windsor!]

"Windsor?" Akko cocked her head to the side, clearly very confused. "But aren't they calling Hannah? They are calling Hannah... right?"

Barbara didn't really know anymore.

She didn’t know anymore.

Suddenly, a scary looking man came into view, the typical visage of a bodyguard. A low voice growled.

["It was announced that the press was not allowed to interview any of the returning heirs and heiresses. Please return back behind the line."]

["But-"]

The camera view had become shaky, as if the person holding it was being pushed away.

["Miss Windsor! Miss Windsor!"]

["Hey! Didn’t I just-"]

["Miss Hannah Windsor!"]

Barbara stared at the moving image in front of her. This was...There was no mistaking it.

["You're wrong."]

Those words may have seemingly contradicted her inner thoughts, but Barbara knew one thing. This person....

"Hannah..." She murmured, hand clenched over her heart. The girl had spoken up, camera focused on her even at its odd angle. Barbara’s heart couldn’t help but flutter at the voice she’d missed for days. But... it also hurt. To only hear it through a medium like this... “Hannah.”

["You're wrong. My name... isn't Hannah Windsor...] The girl on camera stated with shaky breaths. 

She was right. This wasn’t some Hannah Windsor or someone Barbara didn’t know. This was Hannah England. Her Hannah.

So why...?

[It isn’t that... not... any- oi!"]

“Hannah!” Barbara exclaimed, reaching for a Hannah she couldn’t even touch.

["The press shall not receive any statement from any of the arrivals until further notice. Good day."]

A glasses-wearing man had said before speedily ushering Hannah into the gates, figure going further and further away from Barbara's view.

["We have a scoop! Did you hear that?! Did you-"]

[*beep*]

"Heh... think they got shut down?" Amanda commented, everyone still focused on the now-static-filled projection.

"Maybe. But it's too late to hide some weird statement scandal like that. News spreads annoyingly fast." Sucy responded, taking a bite from her mushroom.

"Still... it's weird." Akko chirped. "Why'd they call Hannah, "Windsor"? That was Hannah, right? Or was she a look-alike? Doppleganger?" She proposed excitedly. "But... she's not here either." She deflated.

The fact that her mission partner, Amanda, was here, and Hannah wasn't ruled out a possibility of it just being a mere double existence.

"Windsor...? WIndsor... Hmmm... Windsor? Why do I feel like I've... heard of that.. before..." Barbara watched Akko wrack her brain for an answer, brows scrunched up in intense thought. "Windsor... that's the name of..."

"The royal family." Diana cut in after having watched everything unfold silently.

"Oh! That's right! The Royal family!" Akko exclaimed, happy to finally get that out of mind... before doing a double take, hurting her neck in the process. "THE ROYAL FAMILY?!"

"Akko, shhh!!"

"She can scream it all she wants, Lotte. Not gonna make a difference." Sucy pointed out. "It's already on the news."

Yes. It was indeed.

The fact that...

//-//-//-//-//

"Miss Hannah England is Royalty. Some of you may have caught wind of this kind of rumors or news." Finnelan spoke during the morning assembly. "This statement is something we have no right to confirm or deny. However, Miss Hannah, has been pulled out of school for personal reasons that shall not be disclosed. No questions shall be asked regarding Miss Eng-Windsor... er... ehem... England anymore.”

“So much for confidentiality and defeating rumors.” Sucy rolled her eyes, Jasminka nodding in agreement next to her.

“That is all. Now, with regards to the third years' mission statuses-"

Barbara had tuned out completely at that point.

Windsor.

Windsor this, Windsor that.

She hated it. Barbara hated it.

Hannah Windsor on news and articles.

Hannah Windsor here. Hannah Windsor... Hannah Windsor... HANNAH WINDSOR.

She... Hannah... Hannah wasn't Hannah Windsor... Hannah was...

"Barbara? Are you okay?" Diana whispered, covering Barbara's clenched one in her own. "Do you want to leave the hall? Get some air?"

"No... I'm fine." Barbara looked up, smiling at Diana unconvincingly. "I'm fine."

“Barbara...”

“Really. I am.”

Barbara ignored Diana’s concerned gazes, not wanting to talk about this anymore.

She could handle this.

She said it herself. She was fine. And she was.

But... even though she said she was fine...

Was Hannah fine?

//-//-//-//-//

["Hey. Nice to meet you."

"...hi..."

"You're rather shy." The girl said with a grin. "You're really pretty too."

She felt herself flush red.

"What's your name?"

"B-Barbara... Barbara... Parker."

"That's a really pretty name, Barbara!" The girl held her hand out for a shake. "Let's get along well!"]

Barbara woke up. with a start, eyes immediately scanning the room, going over the spot next to her on the bed.

Cold. Empty.

Barbara held back a sob, hugging her knees tight to her chest.

Her dream... right. That girl. The one who has been by her side for years now, always there. Always so kind... sort of.

That girl... Barbara's best friend, the one who disappeared all of a sudden, the one who showed up on the news yesterday, who had left Luna Nova... She...

She wasn't Hannah Windsor. No.

She was...

["Oh right! I have to introduce myself as well! Silly me.

Hi! I'll be your friend starting today. And My name is...

Hannah England."]

[jae-canikeepyou]

| muse | j.jh

pair: jaehyun x fem!reader

genre: art student!jaehyun + art student!yn

a/n: thought this on a whim whilst reminiscing my art portfolio, so we’ll see how you’ll like this with yuno in it. not the best i’ve written but hope you enjoy reading 💞😉 ~j

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

with jaehyun, there were three things that happened uncontrollably. one was he caused your heart to skip; two, your chest to feel all giddy; and three, your stomach to capsize. why you may ask? it was his very presence in the art academy which had heads turning and lips to whisper words of awe. he was labelled and called a prodigy.

be it in any medium of art, he was blessed to have such a talent that his parents thought it’d be a waste if not enhanced or put attention to. even your professors favored him and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t jealous. despite his princely looks, he could sometimes be a total snob. he’d be in a good mood the first hour and then changed completely in the next. oh the duality, you couldn’t understand him at all.

though question marks continued to fill your head, let’s just say you had a tad advantage compared to girls who were overly thirsting for him; he was your classmate, a major in fine arts. sometimes you unconsciously found yourself sniffing his perfume each time he helped you with the shading of portrait drawings you worked upon. he was that close. as much as you loved seeing him almost every day, you hated at the fact you still didn’t know the ways to calm your loving facial expression towards him.

it was a funny sight —at least to your friends— that they could see how elongated your nose grew every time you deny your feelings for him. yet as time passed the possibility of your admiration might turn into romantic feelings instead. there wasn’t a need to prove to you since your friends have pointed it out already.

but you yourself wasn’t too sure about it.

“please,” hyejin popped with a huge round of an eyeroll at your oblivion. legs crossed as she chewed her bubblegum. “y/n, admit that you like him. it isn’t that hard to say out loud.”

other students, including your studio tutor held in their giggles in the midst of the silence within the room. true enough hyejin was the mood maker.

her words made you stop painting the colours that were meant to accentuate the highlights of the subject. “i’m not like you who’s very expressive in words.” you replied, taking few peeks at your surroundings in case anyone eavesdrop.

hyejin wasn’t supposed to be in the studio today. she was a literature student where writing poetry was her forte. but because your tutor appreciated her effort to promote the visual arts department in the school paper, her going to the studio with you became a normal thing.

“it doesn’t have to be in words. like, i don’t know? paint some canvas and pour out your feelings through colours? yellow’s joy or purple’s dazzling or red is love-” she stopped as you gave her an annoyed gaze. “i’m sure he’ll get it. he’s not called a prodigy for nothing.”

“painting is not done on a whim, hyejin.” you emphasised, not noticing the stress put upon your work. “it takes time and thinking and creativ-”

“yeah yeah,” she made her bubble burst, which by the way irritated you since it gave off the impression that she wasn’t listening to you at all. “abstract seems so random though. no thinking there.”

you pointed the brush at her, yet careful enough that it doesn’t touch her nose. if another word comes from her mouth, you wouldn’t hesitate staining it. “sis, shapes are used instead of virtual reality, so abstract still needs thinking. you just express it differently.” hearing this, hyejin paused for a while before deciding which reaction to give, and with that you were satisfied into silencing her for a while. “now you know how i feel when i don’t understand shakespeare’s ‘love looks not with eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged cupid painted blind’.”

she let out a scoff, “pfft, you’re the cupid in that quote. you can’t even see that you like mr. prodigy so much.”

jaehyun gently opened the door and handed a paper slip to the tutor, which apparently was a doctor’s certificate. due to his arrival, hyejin elbowed you so hard that its force caused you to jolt in your seat then knocking two of the glassed jars placed on the narrow deck of your easel.

the tutor looked at your direction, and lowered his specs at the noise. flustered than you ever were in your entire life, you took the dust pan. you tried your best to not match eyes with jaehyun who was now smiling from second hand embarrassment. at farthest decibel your ears could handle, you could hear hyejin sneering with huffed laughs.

“i’m gonna kill you.” you mouthed from a table away and gave her a warning look. you gestured the phrase, followed by a scowl to refer her teasing tongue.

“i’ll help, y/n.” jaehyun offered, but you assured him it was fine. “what’re you working on?” he asked as you both walked back to the tables, he took out his tools and unfinished work.

this time was the season of cramming hours into a tight schedule, there were many initial stages/assignments due and portfolios to be completed. you guessed it was natural for you both to update each other regarding progress. “just giving more highlights and tweaks, then i’ll start on the portraits.”

he only pressed a smile, a breathy chuckle as a response while he focused on his art. “do you still need my help on shading?”

“i think i got the hang of it. thanks.” you damped the brush with water.

“alright, if you need me, i’m just here.”

your eyes shot down to your pockets, quickly answering the phone to quiet down the “supposedly” soundless vibration. and you wished you didn’t fished out the device if you knew that the message was from hyejin.

[18:45] hyejin: damn it y/n, confess already! 🤪

[18:45] you: if you could shut up maybe i will?? i could hear your voice haunting me 🙃

[18:46] hyejin: if there’s no progress today, i’m so gonna take action & tell him myself 😌

[18:47] you: ugh anything but that pls 😣

the thing with being associated with the arts was that time immediately had gone passed when you’re so concentrated. everything else faded away and in that momentum, it was just the art and you. jaehyun felt this once he picked up his brush or pencil. voices in his head whispered and guided him what to do with the creativity still yet to be shown in the world.

among all the students he bonded with, there was one whom perked his interest..

you.

as mentioned, his current surroundings blurred whilst he was sucked into another dimension of concentration. but you went there with him and appeared clear. seemed a scene out of an alternate reality in his perspective, or dramatic to some people. he was intrigued.

since knowing you, he expected to sought this mutual interest deeper. if he was the beautiful, detailed canvas everyone saw in an exhibition, you were the opposite; abstract, unpredictable and rough, someone who was overlooked because others couldn’t understand the depths and entirety of you.

finishing the last layer of the painting, you stretched to sooth the numbness. the professor reminded about the last few minutes before wrapping up the class and, he handed the room keys to you. for this tutorial, students have the choice to stay behind or leave. hyejin left with the others, leaving you alone with jaehyun. whether she did that on purpose, she’d do anything to let you be alone with him.

“oh? you’re done with yours?” jaehyun shifted sideways to take a better view of your work. he looked satisfied with the way his dimples hollowed. “hm. my advise is effective.”

“yeah, you’re a life saver.” you sighed as you looked at how completed the artwork was, then trailing your eyes to him again.

“i’m proud of you.” he winked, only to blush afterwards when his stomach growled. “i wish you didn’t hear that.”

coincidently, you tossed your wallet in the air. “good timing, i’m just about to head out to the cafeteria. want anything? my treat because you helped me.” you extolled with your mood in completely positivity. jaehyun became your inspiration and for now you weren’t able to bring yourself to tell him that.

hopefully soon though— when you have the courage.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the sleepiness in your eyes only needed ten percent more to push your lids down, the queue was unexpectedly long at this hour. it was only until minutes later had you known that another department organised a party nearby. the wait for the order would be troublesome; that’d be in the fact there were girls right behind, their gaze burning into your skin as if you were an enemy of theirs. and somehow you knew,

they might be jaehyun’s admirers.

they whispered to each other, words audible enough for your hearing and you pretended to be listening to music.

and how you wished you should’ve.

“do you know why jaehyun took fine arts?” one asked.

an intrigued response caught you walking on a tight rope. this can’t be good. “sounds like you know the reason.”

“it’s been spreading around recently..” there was a pause that had you wondering even if you knew you shouldn’t believe in any of rumours from them. “i heard the studio has this session to draw the human body and the figures. like y’know.. no clothes?”

sigh, there wasn’t even any classes for those this semester, you thought.

few giggles were heard before they spoke again. “you’re saying he’s perverted?”

“maybe? i wouldn’t be surprised if it were true.”

“isn’t that kinda hot? his eyes starting into-”

you nearly dropped jaehyun’s food and trip over an extension wire hearing that. breathing slowly and steadily, you convinced yourself that what you heard was false. he wasn’t the type of guy they assumed he was.

as much as you wanted to prove them wrong, it wasn’t your place to speak out when the friendship you have with him was not to the level of best friends. so you rushed back to the studio, not noticing your blown-away hair and burning face. what was amusing after hearing the tea, you didn’t know why you reacted in that manner. did you leave because you couldn’t stand eavesdropping any longer? or did you run due to the fact the fantasies they had were about to enter your mind?

the door was opened with a force that jaehyun looked up from his work, smiling at your quick purchase. “whoa careful there. you didn’t have to run.” he chuckled and went to your table. he took his favourite spicy cake and placed it on top heavily. the force he exerted with his hands was the total opposite to when he dealt with art. somewhere in you, you’d say it was a 0.1 percent a turn-off.

“hey, it’s food. handle with care, it’s a blessing.” you said, munching on your share of the dishes.

jaehyun clasped his palms together, bowed his head and closed his eyes. he faced you and you sat there with a confused look. “thank you y/n, you’re an angel for treating me.”

soon after, you received a message from your professor about taking out some of the tools needed for tomorrow. holding the sandwich wrap between your lips, you took a closer look at the right keys before unlocking the storage room, opening the door afterwards.

it was at least the size of two toilet cubicles, not even close to a room’s walk-in closet. the thin cabinets against both sides of the wall were two feet, and the remaining space in the middle could fit a person’s leg, stretched out. the new set of canvases were placed on the top shelf. for someone like you, it wasn’t possible to reach them on tiptoes. you grabbed a chair and stacked two tins of paint for your feet to stand upon.

if you still couldn’t reach them.. eh, bummer. disturbing jaehyun who was enjoying his meal would be rude. you weren’t that type of person to suddenly feel as if you were already close to someone. the icky and dusty feeling on your fingertips nearly had you gagging.

“jaehyun?” you called out, apparently you’ve given up in trying another attempt. “i need a hand.”

there was a long pause as to why he didn’t respond immediately. maybe you should’ve have disturbed him? but you soon rolled your eyes when a mannequin’s hand was thrown to you. his snickers was supposedly an adorable thing to hear, this kind of wasn’t, because you desperately needed help now. “jeong jaehyun!”

he hummed right after you mentioned his name the second time. “i’m just messing around. but does that mean you’ll treat me again? i helped you.” his voice sounding with excitement.

you nodded, your anger long forgotten but he could tell there was conflict in your head. “i’ll consider it, so help me before i smack you with this plastic hand.” your tone slightly straining since you didn’t feel him entering the room.

“yeah. coming.” he said, giggling at your impatience. as you tried to reach out for the canvases again, the light behind you slowly dimmed.

that was weird. “hey, it’s getting dark in here.” you said.

before he could say anything, the door slowly closed and that made you raise a brow. he noticed this too and looked into your eyes when the light within the room soon disappeared. “ah sorry, i must’ve kicked the door stopper.” even in the dark, you could tell he was flustered from his actions. “i’ll open it.”

however his groans and vigorous sounds from the door knob stated otherwise. “what?” you heard him raise his voice.

“what’s wrong?” you hopped off the tins and grabbed the knob, twisting it clockwise then anti-clockwise. “it’s jammed.”

you both panicked because the night wasn’t getting any younger. there were things to finish and deadlines were drawing closer. before, you thought of procrastinating even when necessary. but procrastinating like this wasn’t part of the plan.

how was it possible for the knob to be jammed? the door wasn’t closed in an impact that would cause its components to be broken. sure jaehyun was reckless and couldn’t control his strength but that really wasn’t the issue here.

the actual issue was that you were going be stuck with him for who knows until when. stuck in a sense there were just enough space for two people. jaehyun fumbled his pockets in search of his phone, an annoyed groan told you it was bad news. “call someone. my battery just died and my powerbank’s outside.”

quickly you fished out your phone, only to find that it had the same fate. “ugh i have 10% left.” you slumped your sides to the shelves like there was no hope. “i’ll try to text hyejin.”

“hm i hope she’s not too far from the campus.” jaehyun leaned against the shelves opposite from you, his expression definitely amused with your reaction. a scoff of disbelief escaped your dry lips, sliding the phone to the shelf as you put your hair on one side. “that doesn’t sound good. what did she say?”

for all the things hyejin could do to help you get out of there, she’d rather sit and tease every single nerve of your body. “she said ‘you both just made your own seven minutes in heaven! i’m laughing out loud right now.’”

and for the things you thought jaehyun would disagree with your friend, he didn’t. it surprised you when his held-in giggles came bursting out from his chest. “it’s exciting. don’t you think?” he chuckled. “this is something you see in movies.”

“okay. tell me, what’s exciting about being locked-”

“we can ask each other questions. or any topic you’d like to talk about. i wanna know more about you.” he suggested, shutting you up because if he didn’t, you’d be quite a complainer. jaehyun bent to a squat, later stretching his legs until the soles reached the sides of your hips. “i rarely get the chance to talk to you properly and i guess this is the day, so scoot over.” he gestured you to move aside a little.

“gee i wonder why?” your voice came out sarcastically. “i don’t ignore people unlike a certain someone.”

“just sit down, will you?” jaehyun seemed to take the fact to heart.

you complied and sat exact the same as he did. the tiled floor sent cool to your legs but it didn’t really matter. jaehyun began by asking how you got into art; what motivated you to choose this field. “it’s just a childhood dream of mine to keep expanding my creativity. i wanna teach kids the joy in paint, that we’re not limited to using tools. i started painting with my hands and fingers when i was five.”

“really? i’m the same, except i was three when i painted.” his dimples deepening.

though you did answer him, you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him the whole story. you were just par in the arts, an average joe and always felt like your professors tied your wings together to express what you really wanted. every proposal you presented were rejected. if lucky, it still wasn’t good enough. not enough to reach jaehyun’s standards and world.

his shoes hit your hips again, the nudges were light and made you look to him. “your turn.” he said.

your eyes wander the dark room, the thin light from the sides of the door showing the outline of his face. “is it good? being called something you never wanted to be? did you know you’re gifted as a kid?”

“do you want my honest opinion?” he brought one leg to his chest, forearm resting on it as he start to ponder. hearing the soft shuffles from you in agreement, he gulped his dry throat to say the one thing he longed to say.

“i don’t like it.”

beyond speechless. you thought maybe he’d like the feeling of being center of attraction, or praised to have a skill that was out of this world. while you’d like to know what it felt like, it already told you enough that he wouldn’t want to be referred to as a prodigy. “not even a single bit?” alarmed, you squinted your eyes and he shook his head.

“i used to like it at first.. now i don’t,” jaehyun admitted but his face had changed the moment you asked him the one thing he never wanted to look back. “..because i was set apart from kids my age and they view me differently, nor have they ever treated me like every kid in the block.“

he continued how parents would tell him he was ‘inspiring’ or ‘i wish i had a kid like you; dedicated, and talented’. the claim have made him proud, yet this caused insecurity to most of his friends, and they distanced themselves from him. what was once the same ground they stood upon, it had quaked the earth and caused a wide gap. jaehyun hated the feeling of isolation by the will of others. though he had tried many times to reach out to them..

the gap continued to widen.

“there’s not much of a difference now.” he whispered yet audible enough for you to hear. ”i still have less friends. countable with fingers.. on one hand.”

probably the reason why he looked like a snob then.

“i see. so am i?.. part of your ‘friends’?” he heard you ask when reality hits you that you shouldn’t have said your thoughts out loud. closing your eyes for a bit, you heard the shift in his weight, he didn’t answer right away. it was as if he was still finding the words.

but he sat right beside you. “you’re already one when we both entered this classroom. i had a hunch you’ll be one i’ll treasure.”

if anyone was told the way he did just now, it would definitely make them smile. that was his honest opinion and you couldn’t help but smile at his words. he seemed to notice this too and let out a chuckle that was always music to your ears. “should we try to open the door again?” you changed the topic to avoid the awkward smile creeping your face. your hands gripped the knob and jaehyun tugged the hems of your jeans.

“y/n, if you do it further we’ll be damned if hyejin couldn’t open from the outside.” he stood that he was already behind you. “i’m not stopping you from trying though.”

“f-fine.” you leaned against the door, soothing your legs that experienced paresthesia. jaehyun pat your head like he always did whenever you unintentionally embarrass yourself, be it art or not whatsoever. “i just can’t seem to stay still.” oh gosh i don’t know what i’d do if i’m alone with him.

“yeah clearly.” he shrugged.

you had a scowled face and glad he didn’t see it. “the place’s so cramped-” you continued, walking to the chair you once stood on, only to lose balance when the shelves you held for support gave in to collapse from the weight it carried. with weight, the whole furniture wobbled to fall.

in a split second you felt yourself being lifted off the ground, a strong arm wrapping around your frame and saw yourself at the opposing side of the room. jaehyun closed into you as he managed to stop the some items from falling. the entire body of the cabinet covered and trapped you both in a tight place. the furniture tilted right behind him. one small move, the items could injure two and he didn’t want to risk that.

he could feel your breath touch his shirt and with the way you held his clothes, you definitely didn’t see this coming. “are you okay?” he thought there was a possibility of squishing you.

“uncomfortable, but i’ll manage.. somehow.” you honestly replied because there was no point in lying to him.. physically speaking, he’d know what you feel since he himself was also in discomfort. anyway, with your answer, this marked the third silence as there was another one creating yet another gap in the conversation.

okay y/n. you told yourself. you made everything awkward than before. first was you asked whether you were friends, which you already were. second was your stupid and careless behaviour that led to the position you’re both in now.

“what about you?” you asked after seeing the huge frame towering over both of your bodies, mostly onto his. so maybe that was another unnecessary question to ask.

jaehyun gulped and fixed his one of his palms that he gripped on the shelf behind you. you could see his adam’s apple move up and down, struggling to breathe. he pushed backwards to be able to see your face. tilting his head down, that movement alone made you look up. “uncomfortable, but i’ll somehow manage.” he smiled even though you knew he wasn’t.

“you know you’ll earn zero marks if you copy my answer.” you giggled, remembering the professor’s words at the beginning of the semester.

he flicked your forehead as he agreed with the obvious statement. “i heard him. anyway, it’s my turn to ask.”

“are we really playing the game now? can we at least try to figure how to get out of this position?” you began to whine and threw your head back where you hit your head, and you didn’t care how shameful you felt. you knew you wouldn’t stand any longer, your legs started to weaken because of stress— stress from everything jaehyun managed to make you feel, that included the little smiles and especially his hand around your waist.

jaehyun didn’t know why he put his palms behind your head before the incident happened but he knew he had to, with the way you flustered so much. he figured that you weren’t used to situations like these.

however a memory slipped into his mind that you were always your usual self with other guys around. he noticed how you held or hiccuped a breath whenever you both conversed. you and him weren’t particularly close to begin with, just enough to pass as friends and maybe it was his love for art that brought that gap closer to you.

right now? perhaps too close. literally.

“why not? it gets more fun.” he tried to hide the smile creeping his lips; at the sight of how irritated you were beneath him and he actually considered your plead to get you both to safety. but maybe he’d like to enjoy a little bit before doing so. “besides, there’s no way we can move properly with a lot of things blocking our surroundings.”

on both sides, the two of you were encased with large items and materials that were affected by the impact. “tsk.” you tilted your head to avoid looking at him. “at least try to push the huge cabinet?”

he did as he was told and from the grunts and exhausted voice, jaehyun gave up trying. “i don’t think i can. something’s probably caught in the gap between the wall and the furniture.” he tried to look over his shoulder to see if he was right.

“i thought prodigies don’t give up.” your voice sounded challenging to him.

“within the spectrum of our skill, we don’t. but outside our gift, we have the choice to.” jaehyun flicked your forehead again. “we get tired too.”

there was less force against your torso, he was trying to push the furniture again and you bubbled out a giggle. “wow you aren’t as cool as i thought you were.”

jaehyun wanted to hit you as you were being too playful at the wrong time. but as he brought his hand up, you closed your eyes shut to brace for the sharp impact. he sighed and his stomach growled in the most embarrassing way yet. “ugh, it’s because i haven’t eaten enough. i don’t have any strength left.” his stomach then growled louder.

maybe it was due to your bodies against each other’s and the heat starting to roam around the room. jaehyun clicked his tongue at the continuous mimicking of yours. “c’mon y/n i can’t be the only one doing the work here. help me push this heavy thing behind me.”

“uh no? do you think i could even help? don’t make me uncomfortable than i’m already am.” you moaned at the pain starting to grow along your spine. arching your back to avoid the discomfort from the shelves wasn’t really a good idea.

“ah you’re uncomfortable?” he implored with a smirk, his voice quite menacing as he leaned in to squeeze you between the cabinet behind you and himself.

for the whole time jaehyun knew that you didn’t mean whatever you said. he loved how you surprise him everyday and tonight he found you quite cheeky, and adorable too. by quite, it meant that you were like a child wanting to go home. a huff from him felt like the gust of wind. “‘i don’t have any strength left’.” you copied his words. seeing his lips pout, it was alright to give in. “will you treat me food if i help?” you returned the question because you treated him.

“you’re lucky you’re cute.” he suddenly said, with a soft chuckle, you knew he was smiling. it had gotten you speechless that it was hard to tell whether he said knowingly or not. “we can buy what the other wants after we get out of here, okay?” his attempt to get the wood off him yet again failed.

you clapped your hands quite hyperactively and squealed as if he asked you out on a date. “oh yay! okay. i wouldn’t want to be rained on for another hour anyway.” you teased, in which he exhaled heavily from his nostrils.

“i’m not that sweaty.” he grumbled, almost vibrating with the exertion of his energy.

“just perspiring.” you added.

he hit your head with his, for sure you’ll have a prominent bruise and that would make you a victim for hyejin for the next few days. or tonight, if she would get you both out. “that’s the same meaning.”

it took less than two minutes to take the weight off his back. jaehyun saw everything in slow motion— he was falling backwards and you, frontwards. “whoa!” for a moment you thought you hit yourself on a wall. that was for a brief second before the impact was replaced by a warm hug.

you checked if he was okay, he became your safe fall and again he saved you when you didn’t ask for it. “i didn’t expect.. i’m sorry.” you pressed your lips realising you were in between his legs.

he hissed at the pain and sat tiredly on the floor, using all of the fabrics of his clothes to wipe the sweat. “it’s okay.” he patted your back.

“right.. this is awkward. i better get off..” you chuckled and dusted your clothes awkwardly but what he said next really caught you off guard.

“do you want to do it?” he queried, taking you back as your head shot up and hit his chin with your forehead.

you blinked several times. “d-do what?” is this another question i won’t be able to answer?

there was a shaky grip on your waist, your heart hammered and you were afraid that he would hear it. “y’know what i’m talking about.” he put the hair strands away so he would be able to see your face under the lines of slim light.

“i don’t?” you choked on your own saliva. what was he talking about?

jaehyun’s breath made you freeze on the spot, along sudden silence. he giggled softly. “such a waste, you even have a perfect body.”

then the conversation from the two girls at the cafeteria entered your mind right when you thought deep. hold on, the rumours can’t be true..

he stood up shortly, cornering you by the door and the lights revealed his eyes, smiling shyly. “you have perfect proportions.” as of now, you were a little nervous. you couldn’t process what you were hearing from your crush’s lips and looked away where you could see hyejin’s figure closing the studio’s door.

finally hyejin’s here. i have to tell him. “uh jaehyu-”

“can you be my model?” he held your hands.

oh shoot it is true?

“i need someone to pose for my next art portrait and you’re the only one i can ask.”

‘well aren’t you quite the deep thinker~’ you could imagine hyejin’s voice telling you off at the back of your mind. you shook your head and shut your eyes for her imaginary presence to go away, making you miss seeing jaehyun’s expression turn to a small pout.

suddenly you felt like your soul left your body. what were you thinking y/n?! erase the thought! cleanse your mind from what you heard from the girls!

now you stopped being an embarrassment, you looked at him. however, before you could answer, the door swung open, causing you both to fall over and adjust to the lights above you. hyejin looked down at the two of you, her bubblegum popping with brows raised. “girl, i texted you back and said i’m opening the door. didn’t you see- oh, did i come at the wrong time?”

jaehyun quickly got on his toes, ears turning red while you covered your face in embarrassment. “this is a misunderstanding hyejin!” he stuttered and fixed his collar. you dug for your phone to check the message, but it died long before.

she blew another bubble and popped. “mhm, i can see that.” she winked at the both of you and turned to leave.

“hyejin!” you whined and clung on her legs.

“i’m leaving!” she singsonged and shook her ankles like you were a bug. “i’m giving you more alone time with your muse!”

“oh my g- you!” you chased her down. “quiet!”

she laughed cheekily and managed to exit the studio, sticking out her tongue and pointed behind you. ‘walk home with him!’ hyejin mouthed, and you couldn’t be more annoyed with her because that was indeed true. what was once a wishful thinking became reality. she knew you more than you did yourself.

as you sighed heavily, it got you hitching a breath that jaehyun might’ve heard and saw the whole thing. you turned around and he was packing his stuff, yours included. the artworks were left untouched since you both would be back here tomorrow. he gave your bag and you chose to not talk because you didn’t have the audacity to do. “so, uh. what were you saying earlier?” you hoped he would forget what he just saw.

“oh y-yeah. lemme just-” he took a deep breath and looked into your eyes. “..rephrase it- wait i’m your muse?”

of course he wouldn’t forget, it just happened. damn you, hyejin! you slouched on a nearby chair and wore your hood. “i was hoping you wouldn’t find out so soon.”

“i’m flattered. thanks.” his dimples hollowed. “i was asking if you could be my reference for my next art piece..” he trailed off recalling that you declined. “..though you shook your head quickly than i thought.”

“huh i did?” your voice affirming. “oh gosh i think i did.. i’m sorry i was hearing hyejin in my head when you said that.”

jaehyun’s eyes widened when all he heard was pure honesty from you. “so will you do it for me?”

“as long as i wear clothes while at it.” you consented with your arms crossed and began to feel heat spread your whole body at the thought of the rumour.

walking along the hallway, only the sounds of shoes grazing the carpet echoed the area. you didn’t know what else to say. he brought you to the nearest convenient store where the campus’ one was closed at the hour. the food you bought turned cold and you couldn’t afford to get sick because of it.

he pulled the chair for you to sit on. “you heard them as well.” he placed his bag down. he was aware of the rumours found around and was shocked to know you knew them too. “they’re not true.”

you propped your chin as he went back to the topic. “i know.” you agreed to his words. “they don’t describe you at all.”

jaehyun sat comfortably, a smirk appearing. “me being your muse fits the description-”

this guy.. “please don’t bring that up.” you pleaded with hands clasped.

“i’m teasing.” he chuckled. “i don’t mind if you refuse want to be my model.” he said. “but i assure i’m not like other artists who paints their naked model. i have a better plan for you.”

he was trying to convince you into his world and you were slowly getting into it. “that’s like saying you really want me to.” you took your wallet and he followed suit.

“what’s wrong with wanting to paint my new muse?” he slid his chair closer to the table; closer so he could see your reactions to his honesty.

when he said that, you never turned away so fast in your life. your chest never thumped so loudly and your eyes fluttered while he continued to press onto his question. 

an assuring smile showed on your lips and he mirrored it, already knowing your response. “nope, nothing wrong at all.” you shyly accepted his request.

jaehyun then stood to get the orders, his fingers warning you that the late dinner would be on him. your heart experienced blossoms and giddiness you hoped it’d stay forever. who knows? maybe being each other’s muse could turn into something more after tonight.  

[kakashiswilloffire]

STEAM, not STEM

ao3

word count: 1.6k

kabuto x sai, college au, enemies to lovers ish, same age au

this is my first server collab with @konoblog-simps! the prompt was college au for august, and you can see the rest of the multifandom fics and artwork here!

***

As a biochemistry major focused on pharmaceuticals with a five year plan included finishing this undergrad degree, moving across the country for a masters in organic chemistry, then likely moving again for a doctorate in organic, along with four internships along the way, so that he could become a renowned creator of antianxiety medications, he was pretty confident in his knowledge. There was nothing a chemistry professor could ask that he couldn’t answer. Calculus came to him as a breeze. His psychology courses presented absolutely no challenge to him. Statistics, courses in professionalism and building his portfolio, and meetings with potential employers never caused him to break a sweat.

This fucking art class might kill him, though.

He had resented for years that humanities courses were required in science degree paths. It was his junior year and he had fought with his advisor for the past four semesters before finally giving in and agreeing to take a class on charcoal sketching. There was no way he would be caught dead in the hugely popular pottery class taught by the blond professor with tattoos of mouths on the back of his hands. Nor would he voluntarily take any basic introductory course in drawing or painting.

That was how he found himself in an advanced charcoal techniques course, prepared to blow through a handful of drawings and easily earn high marks.

However, in a class size of eight, he was drawing attention for the wrong reasons.

To start, the others all seemed to know each other from previous courses, which immediately made him the outsider. To make matters worse, the professor greatly preferred their work to his own. A part of him couldn’t blame the man who insisted he be called Tenzo rather than by any title or honorific. His drawings were definitely in a different style to the rest of the class, and it was a style that didn’t seem to be changing or improving as the weeks passed.

It wouldn’t be so frustrating if it wasn’t the first thing he had ever tried that was proving to be a struggle. As if that wasn’t enough to deal with, the asshole in the front row seemed to take to charcoal like breathing.

On the first day, when Tenzo had gone over the syllabus, he had also made them all introduce themselves and play a get to know you game. They all pretended that it wasn’t for Kabuto’s benefit. Fu and Torune had begun, making a point of making physical contact with each other the whole time they spoke, though he had never seen Torune take off his gloves. The had tuned most of the others out as they spoke, noting Shin seemed decent enough, though he’d prefer if the man stopped coughing for more than a moment. What grated him to no end was the final person to speak.

Sai.

He spoke with a fake smile plastered across his face, eyes closed and voice dripping with confidence. He listed his credentials off without any thought, and it infuriated him that the list of accomplishments and certifications rivaled the length of his own. Sai listed his specialty in art as black and white realism, and his preferred medium as painting, though he was looking forward to learning more about charcoal. From there, he had turned to Kabuto with that same overly-relaxed smile and offered:

“Your turn, flash cards.”

The familiarity rubbed him the wrong way and he had been irritated with him ever since. What made it worse was that Sai was actually really good in the course. He hadn’t been lying about his skill in realism—anything he rendered looked like it was about to run off the page. He seemed to prefer birds, in all species, but every individual feather breathed and flowed and he never got the black dust accidentally smudged on his paper. In fact, he never got the dust anywhere. Kabuto always left the class covered in black smears on his skin, clothing, and bag, and there would always be some hidden patch of charcoal that he never found until he showered that night.

It infuriated him to no end that this shallow jerk who modelled his personality around whoever he was with was also, genuinely, so much better than him at this class that he desperately needed to pass.

Midterm grades had come back the other day and a vein had nearly popped out of his forehead when he saw the disastrously low score. Tenzo had noted that he saw improvement between this and where Kabuto had began the class, but it was still not on level with the rest of the class and where he would need to be in preparation for the next level pastels course. Apparently, it didn’t matter that he wouldn’t be taking the next level course. If he didn’t pass this course with a reasonably high grade, his scholarship sponsor, Orochimaru, would be furious. Risking the scholarship not being renewed meant risking the entire five year plan, and for that—

He’d have to suck it up.

“Hey, Sai?” he asked, forcing himself to keep his tone level. Admitting weakness was not his strength and he had no intention of making this a habit.

The crop top wearer glanced up from the hyper-realistic sheet of mice that he was effortlessly rendering. “Ah, Kabuto,” he said, the same smile from before falling across his face. “Lovely weather we’re having, isn’t it?”

He gritted his teeth, then forced his jaw to relax. “The rain we’ve had all week? Sure, Sai.” He pulled up a stool, settling in to the easel next to him. “I wanted to ask you a question.”

Sai nodded, not pausing his movement as he gave life to a mouse’s tail. “My answer is yes.”

Kabuto blinked. Was asking for help really this simple? “You’re willing to tutor me for the final?”

That caused Sai to hesitate, tilting his head slightly to the side. After a beat, he replied “I suppose I could do that. You appear to be capable of learning how to improve your questionable techniques.”

Ignoring the dig, he pressed on. “I would appreciate that. Tenzo said that my linework is improving but my shading is still not where it needs to be. Something about being more mindful of my light sources.”

“I agree with his analysis,” Sai said, continuing on his sketch. “Your grasp of line weight is abysmal, which is a step up from your initial attempt, which was horrific. Your shading on our last assignment, the brickwork, was essentially nonexistent. All of your pieces so far have had at least four light sources that have no apparent source. It’s clear from your work that you have no regard for art and no passion for creation at all.”

He delivered the critique without halting a single graceful stroke on his canvas. There was no malice in his tone, and he said the words almost pleasantly, despite the cutting content.

“I am willing to teach you more technique and skill so that Tenzo is able to assign you a passing grade in this course. However, I do not believe you are capable of being an artist or creating anything of value in the world as you currently are.”

Kabuto froze. He had only meant to ask for a few tips, not to be dragged for all he was worth in this godforsaken art course. How dare this arrogant prick think he was incapable of creation?

He gripped his charcoal stick so tightly in his fist that it crumbled. “Listen, inky. Just because I’m focused in science doesn’t mean I can’t create anything meaningful. My goal is to be a pharmaceutical chemist, to create medications to change people’s lives. Just because I can’t draw some fucking—I don’t know, a fucking rat or a bowl of fruit or whatever, doesn’t make you better than me. So fuck off with that.”

Sai smirked, his eyes closing in his familiar pattern. “I never implied anything about our worth relative to each other. But I do think that it’s cute that you’re concerned about appearing to be less than me. That will create an excellent motivation for self-improvement for both of us in our relationship.”

The light caught Kabuto’s glasses, a white reflection flashing across the lenses. “We don’t have a relationship.”

Finally, Sai put his rectangle of charcoal down on the easel and sat up. “Do we not? What was the intent of your original question to me?”

Kabuto spluttered. “What do you mean? I came up and asked if you’d help me with the final and you said yes, then you were an ass.”

It was now Sai’s turn to blink. “You said that you had a question for me. I replied that my answer was yes. As a result, we are now boyfriends.” He wiped his fingers on a handkerchief hanging on the corner of his easel. “Was your question you intended to ask me not if I would be interested in a romantic relationship with you?”

He flushed a deep red. Sai was attractive, that was undeniable, but that was not how this encounter was meant to go. Romance was not in the five year plan. “I—”

“Just do it,” sighed Tenzo, sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. “For the love of God, both of you, stop staring at each other and bickering and just go out, would you?”

Sai smiled, the classic closed-eye smile that looked more genuine each time he did it. “Thank you, Tenzo.”

Kabuto was confused, but in order to learn the skills he needed to pass this class, he’d need to go along with the game. Without another word, he reached out and took Sai’s hand. Might as well give it a shot, right?

[theliterarywolf]

2019′s Animation Hidden Gems

So, another year has come and gone. And, in regards to animated content, we had a sizable smorgasboard of offerings both on the mainstream end and the Indie scene. 

I figured I would go over some of the ones that caught my eye that I don’t see many people talking about or, if they are talking about them, they’re focusing on shitty e-drama rather than the content in of itself. 

So, let’s begin!

... Just going to use a ‘Read More’ break due to the length of this post as well as spoilers for certain things within.

Tuca and Bertie

So, we’re just going to acknowledge the fact that Netflix’s cancellation of this show before it even had the chance to hit its stride (which coincidentally timed in with the team behind it, the same team behind Bojack Horseman, getting the rights to unionize -- but I’m sure that’s just a coincidence~) was one of the shittiest things they did this year, right? Right. 

Anyway, Tuca and Bertie was one of those shows that, while it took me a good few days to finally watch it (due mostly to Netflix burying this show underneath those damn Ted Bundy movies and that fucking Beyonce concert/documentary/what-the-fuck-ever), was definitely a front-runner for adult-centered animation this year. 

While the wacky animation styles can sometimes throw initial viewers off, by the time the series is halfway through you’re fully engrossed in how it helps to tell the stories this show wants to focus on. 

While, yes, the show was a little heavy-handed in one of the early episodes about women in the workplace (that whole scene of Tuca screaming obnoxiously in the board-meeting to signal that no woman had spoken in 30 minutes was kind of grating even though the message is sound), the series as a whole is a great change of pace in regards to having adult animation centered on/aimed towards women. The characters work great together, the sound design works wonders, and Netflix cancelling this show despite they themselves not promoting it is such a damn crime. 

My personal favorite part/episode: While the episode “The Jelly Lakes” was a great, poignant display of showing Bertie opening up about her past trauma and sexual abuse, the episode that I always resonate with during rewatches of this series is “Plumage”. The way that it tackles not only reconciling with addiction but emotional/psychological abuse and how it often comes from sources that are on the outside beneficial hits so close to home. The fact that it was handled with tact and respect while still being in this wacky world of talking bird-people was amazing. 

Sound and Fury

I... am just going to come out and admit it, my brain still hasn’t 100% wrapped around the ‘what does it MEAN?!?!’ aspect of this animated album but, damn it all, is it a feast for the ears and eyes. 

I honestly can’t talk about it too much because half the enjoyment comes from watching it for yourself.

My personal favorite part/episode: I can’t quite remember what the song’s name was, but visually it was the section that focused on the homeless veteran basically being left outside to die while the city is about to be decimated by a nuclear bomb. The fact that the segment shows everything, right down to how the cat he tries to rescue agonizingly burns to death when the bomb hits, has stuck with me.

Love, Death + Robots

Well, you guys didn’t think I was going to let 2019 pass without me gushing about one of my favorite animation anthologies of the year, did you? 

Seriously, I am so glad that Netflix has greenlit a second volume for this project because it really is the type of stuff I like to see: collections of vastly different stories using different mediums and styles. 

While two of the entries aren’t as strong as the others (”The Witness” and “Ice Age” freaking suck, don’t @ me), the bulk of the anthology is immensely strong and well-executed and no amount of people whinging about ‘myeh, it’s too sex-filled and violent~’ is going to ruin that. 

My personal favorite part/episode: The segment “Suits” still takes my award for best in show, but I still like the series potential of “Shapeshifters” and the attempt at cosmic horror in “Beyond the Aquila Rift”. 

Satellite City

I hate, hate, HATE that my initial exposure to Sam Fennah’s creative world, much like other people’s first exposure, was via that DAMN Nostalgia Critic review for The Wall!

But, in all seriousness, Fennah’s web-series as well as the book that he’s been working on are so excellently crafted. 

The character design: I’ve gushed so much about the character design that doing so again here would be a crime. But it really is wonderful seeing monster designs that think ‘monstrous’ first and ‘marketability’ second. 

The voice acting: everyone in here does an exceptional job with their performances and giving life to not only the characters but the world surrounding them. Seriously, they’re all amazing and I can only hope that their talents are showcased in other projects. 

The animation: the fact that it’s all done and rigged by one person is awe-inspiring enough but the way that Fennah works to make sure that the characters don’t stick out too much from their real-world sets is incredible. 

The writing: It would be so easy for a series like this to stick to wacky hijinks, violence, and toilet-humor, but no. We have excellently crafted, mature dialogue, we have incorporated world-building that doesn’t rely on exposition dumps, we have diction that rivals some of the commercial hyper-hits of the current year.

Seriously, I wish that more people watched this series; it’s so good..!

My personal favorite part/episode: This relies on some spoilers, but I have to talk about what I think the highlight of the series. While the episode “Slice of Life” gives a good display of the core cast in a day-to-day setting with Lucy Lacemaker giving an incredible monologue about the nature of life and immortality at the end, no where else does the work behind the craft of Satellite City shine more...

Than in Episode 20 - “The Order of Things”. Satellite City centers around the Kivouachians, a species of unworldly creatures who have been around for billions of years but, due to war and betrayal, lost their homeland and have been scattered across the Earth. 

During this war, many died, many were punished, many were tortured, and many were left to deal with horrific trauma and PTSD. 

While this episode has the connecting tissue of informing others that the series’ antagonist has escaped her prison, it also centers upon the heavy issue of destructive, toxic relationships and how people can let themselves waste away and decay just because they can’t find it in themselves to let go of something that may ‘make them happy’. 

We also get a dialogue from Lucy Lacemaker about the nature of art and imitation, but it’s simply the cherry on top of the sundae that the prior themes build up. 

... Seriously, j-just go watch the show; put has-been critics out of your minds and just go appreciate this series for what it is.

Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss/Holidaze

God, I can only be in awe of and respect Vivienne for getting to the point that she has gotten to. Two well-received animated pilots, an adorable holiday special, industry ties, and a portfolio that surely can fill two phone books at this point. 

Seriously, though, Hazbin Hotel is great: an adult animated show with an interesting art style, engaging characters, and a world that I really want to see more of. 

Helluva Boss is great too! That show has a more intimate cast and less insanity so if the barrage of visuals in the prior turned you off, then the latter would probably be more your cup of tea. 

Finally, Holidaze is fucking adorable. It boggles my mind that people were getting upset at this special for coming out and doing something different when most complaints against HH and HB were ‘ugh, she really can’t do anything aside from “offensive people in hell are offensive because HELL, lol”’. Well, here you go! Something wholesome and cute and heartwarming!

Some people just want to bitch and moan, I swear...

My personal favorite part/episode: See, here’s where it gets tricky. I love the feeling I get from Holidaze. I love the characters from Hazbin Hotel. I love the setting/premise of Helluva Boss. 

But I wouldn’t want all of those things crammed together. 

So, all in all, VivziePop and her colleagues have done an amazing job with these shorts and I can’t wait to see what 2020 has in store for them.

Dororo (2019)

Look, man! I get it, okay?! When it comes to anime where the main character in a feudal-era Japan setting goes around killing demons, everyone and their grandma was gushing over Demon Slayer. 

And, you know what? Demon Slayer is a good show; it has really good animation and Nezuko is best girl. 

... But fuck ALL OF YOU who slept on Dororo (2019), man! I get it, Amazon having the streaming rights to it made it all sorts of awful to try and keep up with, but even so this show was way too ignored by people.

Which is a damn shame because in regards to revamping classic anime IPs, this is right up there in ‘damn, they actually did a good job’ along with Casshern Sins and Devilman Crybaby.

My personal favorite part/episode:

... Have I mentioned that the theme song for this show is an absolute BANGER?!

That’s all I have for now. I still have yet to watch things like Klaus and I Lost My Body, and I was unfortunately unable to watch Promare due to not having the funds for it when it was in theaters, and -- Oh my fucking GOD, I’m just now finding out that Netflix has Hey Arnold! The Jungle Movie after trying to find a way to legally watch it for ages. 

But I hope that I was able to introduce some of you to some animated pieces that got a little overshadowed this year. 

Here’s hoping for more amazing stuff to grace our eyes in 2020!

[seancerpg-archived]

THE MEDIUM 

Name: Wu Xinyue

Age: 33

Pronouns: she/her

FC: Liu Qian Han

BIOGRAPHY

There was a time once, long ago perhaps, when it was quiet inside her head.  A time when dead were dead and the living were living, and the lines between them did not blur. Her childhood was happy, but she was a quiet child, seeking company of those older than her, flocking to her parents and her grandparents, not quite enjoying befriending the children. In fact, while she was open hearted and lively, there was an aggressive side to her that often made others misunderstand her; especially those close in her age. But, she was all right with being alone, or being in company of her family - never once regretting her isolation from everyone else. The bonds she’s shared with her family could have been broken by one thing, and one thing alone, and it was at the beginning of her teenage years that she’d known loss, known death - and it brutalised her, hardened her. Gone was the silence in her head, gone was the lively and vivacious girl, and what became of her was a withdrawn, isolated shell of a person. It was not an easy transition, but death was never meant to be easy, not for the living.  The more she struggled with reining in the voices, the more she lost control over it, over herself, and finding a way to vent it had not been easy. At first, she tried shutting them out, building a wall around her mind that no spirit could seep through; but, such defensive mechanisms scarred her more, paranoia and anguish being the price to pay for the moment of sanity - yet, it was in those moments, without the voices, that she had been the most insane - and after a while, she stopped resisting, and in return they stopped keeping her awake at night. 

Leaving her hometown was a lot easier than she’d thought it would be - if only it was that easy to leave emotions and memories behind. But, the distance from her birthplace had seemed to have calmed the spirits in her head and once she’s finally put the beloved ones to rest, she’s decided to travel the world, maybe put her skills to good use. She was educated and intelligent, but she couldn’t really settle on a job - and then she heard about spiritism and the occult, and so she blindly stuck a finger on the map and decided to try her luck wherever it landed - in London. She thought that London would be different, but while it certainly wasn’t Beijing, or Istanbul, or Paris, it wasn’t what she’d expected of it to be. Everything she had known about the spirits had come from them, a knowledge coming from the primary source soon made her into something of a celebrity amongst the others who shared her… talents. She was not one of the Masters, wanting to stay away from the limelight, desiring to work alone rather than with others - for a while, they pestered her relentlessly to join them, but after they'd seen how she would not budge, they gave up. But, she was also not one of the Charlatans; she did not do what she did for fame or cheap scares - she did it because she could and because she was damn good at it. 

Her prices were never steep, but her services were not cheap either - they were at the middle, ever changing, ever befitting her clientele. She didn’t care if the noblemen came to her house, or if the beggars asked for a fortune; she greeted them and sent them away in an equal manner. Her talents laid more with the dead, with mediumship and banishing of the spirits, but she keeps the true extent of her madness hidden - and so, she focuses more on tarot cards and runes, choosing to read fortunes rather than conjure the departed beloved. It has been five years since she’s come to London, but in all that time she’s always been polite and courteous, but never friendly - mysterious and withdrawn; not to nurture her image, but to shield her heart. Still, she is somewhat friendly with her regular customers, occasionally going as far as to invite them to stay for tea after a reading; but those offers are rare and far in between. She has always felt there was something strange going on with the town she’s settled in, something dark and sinister lurking beneath the surface - one look at the Tower told her everything she needed to know, and the anguish in her head had not left her for a week. Yes, the town was riddled with pain and death, but so was every other place on Earth. After all, it is wise to remember that not all of the departed ones move on - and not all of the spirits are benevolent. 

THE GHOST

They always change. Traipsing around until she sends them away, sends them to cross over to another life, or sends them to Diyu where they belong, unworthy of living again until the filth in their soul is washed away.  The current one, he helps - the face white as death, with a pale hair cut to his chin and a dark, black velvet attire that resembles a lot like those portraits of old kings, of a time long, long gone. He seems to be sailing from the 14th century, but he doesn’t seem to want to cross over - he doesn’t want to abandon her. We know each other, he whispers, and I am here to guide you, stay with you. And warn of the horrors that come knocking. He never calls her by her name, but nicknames her as the Necromancer - or simply calls her my Lady.

CONNECTIONS

THE FRAUD: It started as an annoyance, and truth be told she would’ve been more than happy if it stayed as an annoyance. She knows they are as false as it gets, the real Charlatan, but since they are younger than her, she’s… started to feel a little protective of them, sometimes taking on a role of an involuntary mentor, veiling it as a dare. They are young and wild, vivacious and proud, and often they remind her of her; of who she’d once been, before death claimed her. She has to admit that once annoyance turned to exasperation, she’s found that she rather enjoys their company. They are the one of the rare ones she ever truly bothers to invite for tea, or ever really bothers to ask if they’re doing okay.

THE WAIF: They’ve known each other for a short while, but she’s pretty fond of them. Perhaps, if she would let herself feel vulnerable, she’ll admit that she regards the other as something of a friend. With the darkness that settled over London, she is terribly worried about them, given how the victims were of the same profession. She often offers them to work with her, whether it is a measly task such as brewing a pot of tea, or helping her scrub wax off her table for an additional few coins - anything to make sure her friend remains safe, especially if she knows they would have to return to the brothel at night, when the hour is dark and the streets are overflowing with monsters - and monsters made of flesh and bone are worse than any ethereal spirit.

THE PEELER: He’s the newest acquaintance and his eagerness to advance is quite amusing to her. But, she sees the wariness in his eyes, sees the horror that marred his innocent soul and sees how the fear begins to eat at him. He was the one who found the most recent victim and she knows it was a sight that would never stop haunting him. She knows he’s visiting her for a routine check, the questions about whether or not she’s ever been in contact with a dubious person, but as of late his offer turned more tempting - and strange. She’s still uncertain whether to accept it or decline it, but she does like him well enough to attempt to help him - if only to soothe his fears.

THE WIDOW: They’ve known each other since her husband has died. The grieving widow held up a lot better than the society of London had liked, and so tales of her questionable morale and the alleged “poisoning” of her husband started to circulate. She rolls her eyes to the rumours, and she’s very impressed to see the widow feels exactly the same. They’ve struck a lazy, easy friendship that started with a séance and ended with a glass of gin and shared tales of life, happiness, woe and death; and in her, she’s found something of a kindred spirit.

THE MEDIUM IS PLAYED BY ADMIN EVA

[juleswolverton-hyde]

Silver Egoism

Genre: Smut, Friends to Lovers, Idol AU

Pairing: Jimin x Reader ft. Jungkook

Warnings: Voyeurism, exhibitionism, dom!/top!Jimin, unprotected car sex (ALWAYS do it safely, lads and lasses), choking, heartbreak, swearing/cussing, creampie, multiple rounds, male masturbation, phone sex (to some degree), overstimulation, (semi-)public sex (does car sex count as that?)

Summary: Within a band as close as a family there is no room for egoism, but one night the envy can no longer be suppressed as a rabbit in love unintentionally tries to outdo a silver fox.

Because when it comes to Love, the rules are different.

And Jealousy will do anything to gain the winning hand.

Masterlist

Friendships can unconsciously deepen by means of little gestures going beyond the realm of mere kindness and gifts to show a person holds more meaning to the other than initially thought. However, even then, the meaning can get lost in translation when the receiver does not reciprocate the emotions which are endeavoured to be shown.

As is the case with the obsidian leather jacket and Chanel necklace gifted to the girl met way back in high school sitting in the chair opposite Jungkook, happily chatting as an unrequited heart sits next to one that recently confessed his feelings for the woman doing the presents justice during a night of drinking white wine together. And despite being like brothers, hating the warm smiles and timidly roseate cheeks whenever Y/N comes over cannot be helped. Still, there is no merit in destroying a close bond on the grounds of unrequited love and henceforth a tongue toxically green with envy remains silent as it pretends to watch cat videos while actually observing the love of a lifetime through the lens of the camera.

Eventually, as the hour grows later and the morning brings the preparation for an interview, the chatter between friends regarded by a hushed third party dies down with the realization of having to make an early start and that going to bed would be the sensible course of action.

‘Alright, I should go.’ Y/N stretches like a feline, a habit likely picked up by hanging out with Yoongi, who is not any competition whatsoever for he acts more like a nagging older brother than a potential rival. And that is fortunate because regardless of having known him longer than yesterday, the musical genius remains a somewhat intimidating individual one should not mess with. ‘I’ll be watching the interview as soon as it comes out. Good luck, lads.’

‘If you want, I can drive you home.’ Jungkook rises simultaneously with the beautiful companion, pulling focused irises away from the screen towards reality. 

‘Thanks, but-’

‘I’ll drive her home.’ It comes out on a whim and more vicious than intended, redirecting all attention buzzing in the amicable living room still filled with the energy of the barbecue to celebrate the first good summer weather giving a clear navy and violet twilight sky adorned by sparkling stars. Unfortunately, the splendid circumstances had turned sour by the tropical monsoon that the wind whispered hints of while munching on shaved ice, pushing eight souls indoors. However, it also meant the gorgeous girl was, to much selfish relief, chased off the picnic bench just as Kook tried to sit her down on his lap in a supposedly casual fashion were it not for the clearly yet slowly hardening shape in tight denim jeans.

‘Jimin-ah, are you alright? Why are you upset?’ Taehyung’s brows furrow in sad confusion, always sensitive to the moods of anyone near the golden heart aware of the surroundings more than one might think. ‘Do you want to talk about it? I hate to see you angry.’

‘I’m fine, Tae Tae. Just tired.’ A gentle smile is fabricated with effort but has enough of an effect to make a sometimes too gullible mind believe it for the moment. Howbeit hesitantly so. ‘I’ll just take Y/N home and call it a night.’

‘Hyung, the last few performances have been hard on you so-’ The maknae speaks up again, undaunted by the sharp edge to unintended hostility, and proposes to kindly take on the role of the driver as intended.

But is repaid by the same too venomous irritated exhaustion. Withal, it is not physical tiredness but more so purely emotional. Sensitively sick, all emotions that have bottled up thanks to having to hide in order to save everything coming to a dangerous boiling point. ‘I said I’ll take her home, Kook.’

‘Chim, calm down. You’re clearly exhausted.’ The scent of tulips in spring has appeared between warring parties of which solely one is aware of the fight. The hand first covering a racing heart, the cause of the adrenaline easily mistakable for stress while it is truly the touch and her nearness, rising to swiftly comb through silver manes before coming to rest on the cheek. ‘I’ll be fine on my own and text once I’m home, alright?’

The sweet innocence of sparkling soothing eyes triggers perhaps the most idiotic and selfish decision ever, the storm of feelings no longer able to be contained. Not when being this close and every sense is overrun by the familiar scent of the never-changing perfume, the comforting touch whenever thinking all that is done or said or both will never be enough.

That I am not enough.

For her.

Notwithstanding, just tonight those lingering haunting doubts are put aside as lips unexpectedly crash into each other and a small palm grabs the behind that should have tried to sit on the lap it always does. There is no resistance nor pulling away, only the envelopment of the other cheek and a barely audible gasp dimmed by six-headed surprise filled by soft humoured baritone chuckles when not staring on in speechlessness.

And the broken heart of a long-time amazing now betrayed friend.

Alongside the cruel carelessness of not paying the pain any mind, focusing on making a lasting imprint on long-longed for lips that will ignite a hunger for more instead of on the world coming to a halt. 

An existence that slowly starts to turn again as mouths part, a soft murmur all that remains between them and possessive fingers entwining. ‘I’ll take you home. Let’s go.’

‘Um, yeah.’ The attempt of creating a lasting impression is clearly successful, Y/N rendered wordless and needing a second to gain composure before being dragged out the front door with an absent wave of goodbye. ‘Good luck, lads. Figh-’

And plopped down in the passenger seat of the shadowy onyx BMW 8 Series Convertible, proudly brought after completing the driving test and gaining a driver’s license. Swiftly, the belt is fastened and fashionable boots make way to the other side of the vehicle to do the same.

Soon, the engine roars to life, tires screeching over the driveway wrapped in the dusk and speeding towards the illuminated heart of the city. 

Towards the medium-sized luxury apartment given as a birthday present last year, simply due to being able to pay for it and wanting the beloved to live a good life. 

It has to be said, however, that the current home is a compromise because the original penthouse did not get accepted nor the option to share a roof because the gorgeous woman “did not want to keep me away from the guys and give me space”.

Yet, what was failed to be noticed was that the empty gap carved into an unrequited heart is solely filled by her presence. The reason for that is simple: it is not about money nor fame nor stage persona.

It is about an old friend. 

The dancer from Busan.

Chiminie.

‘Uhm, Jimin... about that kiss...’

‘I don’t regret it, especially not because it was in front of everyone.’ Palms tighten around the leather of the steering wheel, voice reduced to dangerous egotistical jealousy. Teeth grit at the memory of the barbecue, Kook trying to settle the wonderful girl at the window displaying a rapid blurry landscape on muscled thighs. 

Deform into a snarl when remembering the hardened shape in pants she would have sat against, feeling it. ‘In front of Jungkook.’

‘Jungkook? What does he have to do with this?’ Brows furrow in confusion, sincerely not making the infuriating connection between statements and acts. 

‘How can you not understand? After all the hints?’ With a loud noise as of nails scratching a blackboard a sharp turn towards the body of water flowing through the metropolitan is taken, stirring up gravel while descending to the river bank underneath the nearest metal monster of a bridge. 

Here, at the waterside reflecting the life of night owls, the engine is turned off before shifting to face the uncomprehending beautiful mistake with perhaps too sharp a tone. ‘I am in love with you! Fucking head over heels.’

‘Why? Why me?’

‘Because with you, I’m normal. With you, I’m okay.’ Frustrated shoulders relax as the volume of speech lowers to a normal conversational level instead of being barely shy of shouting. ‘With you, I’m just Park Jimin, a regular Busan boy.’

‘You’ve never been anyone else to me. Not a celebrity nor a distant person suddenly too good to hang out with normal people.’ A stern severity dims the well-meaning light in honest eyes caressing the cheek once more, the tenderness fading into flickering worry. ‘However, the guy I saw in the living room is somebody I don’t know. Who is he?’

‘He is the guy who cannot deal with seeing his best friend try his luck with the girl he actually loves. He’s the short-tempered unpredictable envious me.’

The me without you.

A persona who rises again by grabbing the wrist to place a wanting kiss on the inside, to take in the scent of young spring clad in leather. At war with the genuine ego forced to simmer beneath the surface and fighting a battle consisting of equal strength. ‘A guy I would never want you to date unless it’s me. No, even if it was me, you shouldn’t. Never let toxic people into your life because it is so short already.’

For a second, Y/N merely looks at double-edged melancholic lips resting on tulip skin. Were it possible, being frozen in this exact moment would likely be the best outcome of the story since this is all there shall ever be if the risked friendship continues to exist.

This is all we have.

All I have.

All that will ever be.

Although, the curiously withholding of something unspoken while continuing to solace a lonesome boy with love forms a hint towards a detail which might alter the seemingly hopeless train of thought. ‘Life’s indeed short, incredibly so. But, Jimin, because it is thus, it also makes every minute with a beloved more precious.’

‘What are you saying?’ Nothing in the attitude leaning forward gives away a straight explanation of the hidden meaning behind the wisdom likely picked up thanks to hanging out with Namjoon hyung. Again, it is fortunate the rapper is merely seen as an older brother instead of being real competition. 

‘We see each other very little, but each time we do I’m impossibly glad I have you back for a brief while. My best friend, my...’ The end of the sentence floats in the tense air, blushing cheeks refusing to speak the last part. 

‘Your what?’

But eventually do. 

‘My... crush.’

The two words spin around, warming up veins grown into arrogant ice and inflating pride to an indescribable extent. Gradually the meaning truly dawns, making both warring egos within mutually smile in relieved excited delight. 

The grabbed wrist is lead to regions below where the effects of the frustration still boil painfully though were able to be ignored until now, distracted by the suppressed jealous rage resulting in an outburst. The bottom lip is caught between teeth, not resisting another action of the selfish persona clearly elated by the confession and who has taken over demeanour entirely. Rather, it is perversely fascinated despite playing coy, more so when Y/N’s palm spreads out over hot denim like a blooming flower. ‘Chim, erm, heh, wh- what are you doing?’

I could ask you the same, pretending to be innocent and yet not hiding the need for me.

‘Get in the back, princess.’ Spurred on by the intimate contact essentially ignited by oppressed apparently futile rage, huskiness naturally creeps into the vocal manner of a chest slowly starting to struggle for breath. 

‘What?’ Keeping up the pretense or mayhaps sincerely confused by the rapid change in atmosphere, the gorgeous mistress manages to glance away from the point of fascination and take on the roll of the seeker of answers in dark irises regardless of knowing to find none.

‘Backseat. Now.’

Not until a somewhat clumsy way is made to the designated place after hearing the demanding growl and undoing the seatbelt, the hands of a best friend from a great harbour city coming to rest on hips at the end of an enchanting wake. 

Until those same hands creep up underneath the oversized shirt despicably lent from someone else before the chance to run up the stairs to retrieve something from the personal collection of clothing, the jacket discarded beforehand. Jungkook had the advantage by being situated on the ground floor of the dorm and literally sprinted to his room once a step into the kitchen was set.

Rip it to reveal the classy Victoria Secret bra underneath.

Another gift.

The meaning of which has only become clear now.

Stone-hued locks tilt to the side in amusement, loving the revelation that compliments the simple Chanel necklace perfectly. ‘Well, would you look at that. Wearing something I got you beneath the shirt of another.’ However, some of the delight dies into the snarling grave of fury at the thought of a charming bunny who outdid a silver fox. ‘Jungkook’s.’

‘He simply offered it so I wouldn’t catch a cold.’ An undignified huff reputes the selfish demeanour though the split second a pout forms tells of a pleasure in driving a boy with love to madness.

Into a persona. 

If that is how the game is going to be played, so be it. Anything to make Y/N happy, to create something of our own. Henceforth, husky lips hover over parted ones, teased and left wordless. ‘It sure looked like it, but we both know better. He wanted to see you wearing his shirt, would likely have slipped the scene to see you change into it.’

‘He isn’t like that.’

‘Fair enough, the latter doesn’t apply. Nevertheless, he wanted to confess to you tonight, make you his.’ A cruel smile unconsciously carves itself onto the mouth, thinking of the faltering young face in a disappointed vividly painted image. ‘What a surprise would it have been for him to discover my brand on you.’

‘You’re not so cruel as to actually mean that, are you?’ In spite of the contrasting message by palms slipping to the behind to bring heated bodies closer, big eyes shine with the plead for the current state of mind to not be truthful. Still, the squirming when beginning to move at a slow steady pace to fuel the heat below further while undoing the claps and tossing the bra aside hints at being entranced by the domination. Especially submissive to the tyranny when placing soft kisses from the chest up towards the ear. 

To whisper nothing but twilight sincerity. ‘Yes, tonight I am. I meant every word I said in the little periods of time we got to spend together and always will. Life’s too difficult already to complicate it further with lies.’

And show you anyone but myself.

Staying faithful to the thought, skinny jeans are contrastingly calmly tugged off before removing the pair of blushing consenting irises. They know the actual message behind the cryptic wisdom, acknowledging they are not the sole ones to be influenced by the wise leader of BTS. ‘I don’t want to lie to you.’

‘You don’t have, ah, to. Never h- had to.’ Affectionately, warm palms envelop the cheeks while the steady rhythm makes remaining in control of any sense of civilization much harder. And if not that, the barely chaste kisses surely are the cause alongside the bared skin revealed from discarded boxers achingly gliding over wet cotton. 

‘Can I ask you something?’ Enough self-control can be exerted to form an important question and register the significant meaning of the nod waiting for the inquiry. ‘Can I be selfish just a little while longer?’

‘Yes.’ The alluring warmth is revealed from beneath the underwear of which the hedonic scent sends the mind into a hazed frenzy and cuts patience short with its temptation. ‘Y- Yes, Jimin!’

Every inch adds to the scenic teary-eyed sight below on the backseat, nails digging into skin helping to colour the painting, guiding hips temporarily slowed down to adjust to the novel enrapturing heat. Exclusive to a harbour town boy with love, the guy beneath the flirty stage persona millions of voices encourage and fawn over.

But he solely does over one person.

The woman beautifully responding to every new strike as shades blend behind shut lashes and create fireworks with every meeting of mouths and stroke.

Something of our own.

This.

This perfect picture.

This is what we have.

Our ending.

And it wants to be shown to the one who almost shredded the canvas.

‘Wha- What are you d- doing? Jimin?’ Y/N looks sensually aghast laced with astonished disappointment at being left hanging somewhere along the way to euphoria despite the harmony of hues strengthened by muffled lewd sounds and physical guidance.

‘Just a minute, princess.’ A rapid mischievous kiss means to nullify the stun, which it does at the cost of creating a quizzical expression on a blushing face as the jeans thrown onto the ground are reached for. From the back pocket, fingers fish out the telephone and dial Jungkook’s number.

After going over thrice, the call is picked up. ‘Hyung? What’s up, why are you- oh.’

Oh, indeed, because neither of the two other parties fully realizes what is going on in the dazed mind under a sensational hypnosis of colourful touches until advances come freely again to resume a shared endeavour long longed for. Exploited at a more savage pace to compose compositions that could not exist with the former method, exacting bittersweet revenge on the steadily becoming breathless young rabbit hanging on the other side of the line.

Tethering.

Alone.

Whereas a Busan dancer and mistress are together on the verge of toppling over the edge.

The arrogant knowledge of this truth sounds through in the proudly jeering undertone of a clear voice leaving no room for mistake, wanting to create havoc to enjoy in schadenfreude. ‘Shit, Jungkook, she’s really tight. Takes cock so well. And her tits, so fucking nice and bouncy.’

And rejoice in the flushed cheeks of the woman the heart has been beating for since the first meeting during a student exchange in high school. Albeit with a degrading manner that expresses the frustration of not entirely coming first at the moment. ‘Do you like that, huh? Being such a slut that you’ve got a man masturbating to hearing me pound you hard and liking it? Spreading your legs just as soon as dick is offered to you?’

The response merely consists of desperate agreeing whines, the warm colours growing hotter as the unintelligible words tumble forth and also spur on the absent yet present boy in love turned sinful in audible fanciful solitude. ‘Fuck, hyung, keep talking like that to her. She sounds so pretty, so whiny.’

The original intent has been reached, egotistically claiming the girl who has been there since the rise of Bangtan while simultaneously feeling the backlash of the sting the chosen punishment for both men in need of chastisement. One for greed and one for attempting to prevent this canvas. ‘Shut up, she’s mine. This is all you’ll get of her, all you’ll hear of her. Just tonight. And I want you to know it’s me between her thighs, not you.’

However, the sneered rebuke is not cared about as the maknae is too lost to actually care, too enraptured by the painting that cannot be seen and close to catch up with the final strokes leading to elevated completion. Notwithstanding, as the sole consciousness same enough to be somewhat of a source of order in the corrupt chaos, the final ultimate state of bliss does not want to be reached before a warning is made very clear.

To hear the mutual claim on me from the panting wonderful enchantress lying on the ruined shirt of an equally as destroyed rival. Hence is why a palm wraps around the heated throat to close off any means of air, the last extreme move to exert dominance. ‘C’mon, tell him how much better I am. That you want me, not him. Say it.’

‘K- Kookie, he- he’s so good.’ The following dominantly rough stroke coaxes out a wonderful complacent high-pitched stream claiming the canvas and the initial painter despite the narrow access to air. ‘Better than you. Fuck! So, so much better. I want him, o- only him.’

After a few repeatings of the same scenario, irritating due to a third wheel yet marvellous thanks to the stunning union, both the defeated golden maknae and Y/N lose a grip on reality. 

However, since it happens simultaneously, the younger boy might use it to his advantage in daring yet intolerable later advances or to fancy a colourful storm together with her when not being there. Regardless of what the ulterior goal of the split second of breaking into blissful fragments might turn out to be, it forces the actually still selfishly desperate hand of a boy with love. ‘And yet you cream all over me just as Jungkook cums. Looks like my princess doesn’t know how to show respect and loyalty.’

But anything can be taught if using the appropriate manner, thus hardening the strokes until screaming alabaster flows freely and ever onward without stopping.

Action.

Reaction.

Result. 

‘My name, Y/N. Scream my name.’ The slightly slackened hold on the throat forcefully strengthens again, mirroring the reinvigorated power pinning an otherwise wild waist down. ‘Scream my fucking name. Over. And. Over.’

Every word of the last command is accentuated by a sharp advance establishing the desired effect, tuning out almost completely the agonized though satisfied moans of bunny nerves being driven into overdrive. Notwithstanding, instead of allowing them to invoke another euphoria shared with the woman belonging to another, the call is ended just to childishly leave Jungkook hanging dry. ‘Keep calling, babe. He won’t get to hear you again.’

One final stroke triggers the primal second floating in ignorant bliss together with the claimed fleeting soul basking in the dusk enlightened by night owls.

A moment of us. 

Slowly and carefully, arms shivering with the blast of shades which are slowly erased lower and meet a warm welcoming pair lovingly enveloping dishevelled grey locks. The soft cheek against which a palm having calmed down in demeanour, no longer suffocating, comes to rest leans into the touch, breathless but sighing in gladness.

‘Did... did you like it? I’m sorry I involved Kook into this, but I couldn’t think clearly. I didn’t want him to confess because I was afraid I’d lose you and that, well, resulted in the self-centred man you’ve been seeing this entire night.’ The confession bordering on a futile waterfall going around in circles manages to be stopped at a good point, preventing speech from crossing the line and falling into a spiral. Instead, the dewy hot throat scented by spring tulips is nuzzled while enjoying the perfume.

‘Had it been anyone else, I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed it as much as I did. So, yes, I really liked it. Really, really liked it.’ A short moment filled with happy giggles lifts a grand part of the heaviness of heart caused by egoism, delighted to no extent upon hearing the sincere amused yet meaningful tone in Y/N’s voice. ‘And before you ask, no matter who the persona is you happen to be in the moment, I still like you.’

‘Even when I’m an arrogant selfish bastard ruining the hopes of his best friend?’

‘Don’t think of it that way, Chim. It’s the choice I made and I have chosen what is right for me. For what I have wanted for the longest time.’

‘I have as well. Wanted this, that is. Even when the company told me I couldn’t.’ A shake of the head dismisses the melancholic thought of the manager’s voice sternly renouncing dating as breathing becomes a tad shallow with grief. ‘This is what’s been hurting me, not being with you. The person who makes me love myself.’

‘Is it selfish then?’

‘No?’ Despite the underlying suggestion, the response is doubtful because the ego overrun by the sensual drive to claim wanted the same but exerted its will in an egotistical manner at the cost of another.

‘No. No, it isn’t. We finally have what we have wanted all along. I don’t want Jungkook and you don’t want somebody else. We’re happy and happiness is never selfish.’ The kiss on the forehead is soothing, assuring of the determined righteousness of the statement and solacing in the request that follows in its wake. ‘Stay over tonight. It’s been too long.’

‘Indeed, too long.’

Too long for true self-love to return.

To have kept it waiting at the door of the familiar apartment.

In empty arms finally embracing the one they should.

Just like the stars in the navy sky transforming into dusky black.

Waiting.

For us. 

[sylleboi]

𝕮𝖔𝖒𝖎𝖈 𝖇𝖔𝖔𝖐 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖋𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖆𝖑 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖘𝖚𝖒𝖒𝖊𝖗 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖏𝖊𝖈𝖙 - 𝕾𝖙𝖆𝖌𝖊 𝖔𝖓𝖊 | 02/06/20

There are two types of textures;- Implied texture is basically texture that appears to be there, but it’s an illusion.- Actual texture is texture that exists and can be felt by touch.So I have been falling behind with what we as a class have been doing online on Moodle, making it feel increasingly difficult to approach it and get things done since it feels like things just keep piling up, but I have decided to give it a shot and just go for it!

The following message/messages were left for us on the Moodle forum;

01

“Hi guys,

Thanks to those that attended the Zoom meeting this week. Well done.

If you are committed to progressing next year I will need to see the following:

- Post a reply to this thread to show you are checking in with Moodle

- Interact with a least 1 of the summer school activities

- Attendance at ALL subsequent Zoom classes.

- A Conscientious and studious approach to the summer project

The time line for what happens next in terms of your studies will be as follows:

Tuesday 26th May - Summer project posted to Moodle and emailed directly to college emails (This will give you a chance to read/obtain equipment/purchase core text)

Monday 1st June - Zoom Lecture - Reviewing the brief and discussing research activities and practical tasks. Q & A

Monday 8th June - Zoom show & tell - Discussing progress so far / issues / findings / examples / Work in Progress

Monday 15th June - Zoom Break out groups / Smaller discussions

Please if you are in contact with any of your classmates/peers who have not be interacting can you please encourage them to do so, the longer we abstain from learning the harder it will be when we do get back to the 'New normal'.

Happy Wednesday!”

- Post a reply to this thread to show you are checking in with Moodle

I posted a short reply to show that I am active on Moodle.

- Interact with a least 1 of the summer school activities

I am yet to do this, but will be attempting my best to catch up.

- Attendance at ALL subsequent Zoom classes.

I have already failed this, but will attend the Zoom classes schedule ahead.

- A Conscientious and studious approach to the summer project

I will be working towards living up to this over the next few weeks as we work on the Summer School Project.

02

“Hi guys,

Hope you had as good bank holiday, here is the Summer project as promised. 'Comic Book Confidential' is a project that will allow us to start thinking about the type of work we will create in our 2nd year as well as addressing the theoretical and academic ideas we will need to start thinking abound discussing in detail when we return.

This week, I want you to do the following:

- Read the brief thoroughly and write down any questions you may have

- Order your core text book, Scott McCloud's 'Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art'

- Obtain any of the necessary equipment if you do not currently have this

Please ensure you start your research from Stage 1, and begin to write notes for the questions; as I will be asking you to relay your new knowledge next Monday (1st June) in our first Zoom lecture/discussion. I will forward an invite in a separate email and on moodle. I look forward to working with you guys on this, it will be a good one.

Best Regards,

David Dixon”

𝕮𝖔𝖒𝖎𝖈 𝖇𝖔𝖔𝖐 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖋𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖆𝖑

The brief;

03

“Hi guys,

Thank you everyone who joined us yesterday for the launch of our Comic Book Confidential Summer Project, there was a great turn out.

I have attached the PDF of the presentation for you to look at and use as a resource.

Please begin stage 1 and make sure for next week you have your viewfinder made and you are able to talk about either a comic book of your choosing or answer some of the questions of stage 1 with clarity.

Any question please post to here and I will answer as soon as possible.

Cheers

DD”

I  missed this zoom call, but got some notes and insight to what was talked about during the call from a peer.

This brief is the first surrounding the topic of sequence art/comics that we have done as a class. Comics can be described as being a “sequence through illustration”; a series of images, sometimes with no dialogue showing an action or conveying a space of time in just a few panels, like glimpses of a film, showing key moments to portray the meaning of the sequence.

On another note, we are allowed to animate the project if we want to.

For this brief/project, we are required to put some form of narrative together, based off of our own personal experiences with the 2020 lockdown, making it a personal project to each of us. It is also required to be non verbal.

During the process of making our comic sequence, a short film showing the process from start to finish.

AIMS:

Make at least 5 comic book pages with at least three panels per page

Build a narrative exploring the ideas of isolation and coming out of lockdown

Understand how to create the passing of time

Explore the basic characteristics of a comic, BASICS!

A series of juxtaposed images creating a narrative or a selection of images.

An aesthetic response to our viewer done using a selection of images in a deliberate sequence. - “Sequence art”

Can we link this back to year 1?

I did a workshop at the very beginning of the year (19/09/19) called Fragments/Clips. It focused on experimental editing and making something unconventional with what resources we were given, much like we are asked to do with this brief; creating comic strips from the resources we find within and around us.

𝕶𝖊𝖞 𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖘:

We can find our own if we like but the suggested artists are;

- Hokusai

- Aiden Koch

- Sam Elston - former student from our course that will be visiting us.

Can you define what a comic is in your own words?

Comics can be described as being a “sequence through illustration”; a series of images, sometimes with no dialogue showing an action or conveying a space of time in just a few panels, like glimpses of a film, showing key moments to portray the meaning of the sequence.

What are the characteristics of a non verbal comic?

The primary characteristic for non verbal comics is the lack of words used. Non verbal comics are told solely through illustrations that, when you “read” it, will come alive like an animation that doesn't move. An example of non verbal communication could be something as simple as a smile, often indicating happiness, or perhaps a lack of expression can indicate boredom or something of a much darker background, like contempt or bloodlust. 

What different forms of comic can you find, and how are they different?

A number of comic genres pop into mind immediately; Science-fiction comics, Superhero comics, Fantasy comics, Teen comics (humour), Adult/Erotic comics, Manga etc. Comics can also come in many different types of mediums, some that I can think of being Webcomics, Graphic Novels and Comic books.

How do comics communicate their messages?

In comics, with both verbal and non verbal communication within them, the major selling point is the illustrative work. Each panel represents a time, with each gap between the panels representing a passing of time. Much like glimpses of a sequence, put together in a harmonic composition with the goal to be compelling to ones eye. The message/messages that the artist want to portray can be executed through visual language; line, shape, form, texture, value and colour. All of these elements play into a successful comic strip.

I will give a simple example of each of these used to convey the same thing;

* Note that all of these will be left as examples and may look a little rough around the edges since they are just there to show the effects of visual language and nothing more.

Line:

Within visual language, line work is one of the most prominent and frequently used across all comic genres. In fact, the earliest comic that has been traced back to being from 1837 is made up of only line work, meaning no use of colours, values, textures etc. 

It was called The Adventures of Mr. Obadiah Oldbuck and was originally published in several different languages across Europe, among them an English translation meant for the British in 1941.

For this first example, I have used only line work and included some shading using various hatching techniques (much like what has been used for the comic of The Adventures of Mr. Obadiah Oldbuck). This has resulted in a very classic feel of comics, made up by only blacks and whites.

I attempted to make this classic style transform into a more modern style by applying a few halftones on top, resulting in the following outcome:

As you can see, by applying these halftones as overlays, the piece successfully achieves the look of a manga/comic book/webcomic, rather than the previous classic style.

Shape:

By using shape in art, one can easily and effectively archive much with little. Shapes can be used in several different ways to convey different emotions. Because this ‘comic’ page is based on action and a narrative of climax, I chose to emphasise on sharp edges as they are commonly known to communicate danger. For example, I changed the smoke into fire and made it look much alike shattered pieces of glass, yet again to indicate it as being something dangerous to touch.

Each line is straight and rarely bends; creating some interesting shapes, squares, and triangles;

Form:

Form is most often describes and applied to something that is a three-dimensional subject, such as clay sculpting, although generally speaking, it is connected to things that are 3D, (three-dimensional) meaning there is an aspect of extra depth that you can’t normally archive with 2D. This is emphasised by light and dark values. (low and high contrast), otherwise known as shading.

For this example I attempted to make the line-art I had done earlier feel more real and lifelike by adding these different shades of grey.

Texture:

There are two types of textures;

- Implied texture is texture that appears to be there, but is really an illusion.

- Actual texture is texture that exists and can be felt physically by touch.

Since I am doing this digitally to speed up the process, I will be doing this by using the technique of implied texture.

For a long while now, I have been building up a collection of high quality scans and pictures of a large variety, based on the advice of my teacher when we were playing around with the visual language of texture in a past project. Out of these, I chose just a couple to play around with in Krita;

Now all that was left to do was to layer these on top of the artwork I had done earlier and have, as I mention before, a play around with them using different layer modes such as colour dodge, screen, overlay, soft light, hard light, multiply etc. I came up with a handful of different textured outcomes, but will be posting just a few of my favourites and put the rest into a gif;

The reason that I chose this one as being one of my favourites is due to how successful both the textures layered together translated so clearly and well. It gives a lovely look of it being aged as if it were torn out of an old comic book and scanned into a computer.

Now this one I am especially a big fan of! Although inverting the values got rid of the majority of the details within the art work, It doesn’t take away from the subjects and narrative, but the most compelling thing about it is how it strongly reminds me to the look of lino printing.

An example of a great artist I found that specialises in this medium of artwork is Valdis Baskirovs. I have chosen to compare their work to this comic strip in particular because their subjects are also most often animals, including canines.

Below are some examples of their work and work process doing lino printing:

Value:

Value is often described as a way of drawing with light, where value is based on how light or dark a given colour or hue is. Values can easier be understood once they are visualised on a scale or a gradient.

The scale above ranges from white to black, with a number of grey tones in between, but any hue/tone has a similar scale that goes from light to dark;

Different colours or values can be achieved by adding light or dark hues, in the case shown above, adding white to it to lighting it, or by darkening it with black.

Colour:

Last but not least, colour is an incredibly important part of visual language. It is used to convey a feeling, narrative or meaning within a given piece of artwork.

For this comic page, I have decided to go for a more cartoony and simplistic style, since that is what the line art communicates with it’s sharp and clear edges; but instead of just splashing any random colour on, I wanted to try and make it monochromiatic, meaning that all the colours have the same base tone, and therefor relate and harmonise with each other. The base tone for the example shown below is a muted orange-yellow.

I applied a layer of texture on top for two reasons; one being to make the piece feel more connected, but also for the reason being that this texture makes the page look like damaged or burnt paper, again to subconsciously communicate the fire being dangerous. 

Can you list the similarities and differences between the three artists (Katsushika Hokusai, Aidan Koch & Sam Elston)

From looking at these three artists work side by side, I came to notice that they all seem able and confident in portraying more with less. Everything from line work and choice of colour is basic, simple, yet it still shines through as strong artwork. It feels like there is room to breathe due to the lack of business.

All of the three pieces of artworks shown below have the above in common. They feel light and minimalistic, using a variety of pastel colours and light values with the occasional dark black lines and/or splashes here and there.

I will be keeping this in mind for when I attempt drawing my own non verbal comics/sequences - the saying that less is more.

Example of the work of Katsushika Hokusai.

Example of the work of Aidan Koch.

Example of the work of Sam Elston.

- - -

𝕱𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖘 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖊𝖑

Frans Masereel (1889–1972) is the creator of the wordless graphic novel “The Sun”, or “Le Soleil”. Frans was a Flemish painter and graphic artist whom worked primarily in France, completing over 20 wordless novel during his career, with his novel “Passionate Journey” or “Mon livre d'heures” from 1919, allegedly being his best work.

“The Sun”/“Le Soleil” Consists of 63 pages showing prints from woodcuttings, and is a contemporary retelling of the Greek myth of Icarus. Briefly explained, the protagonist of the novel continuously attempts to seek to the Sun by any means possible, but before he succeeds, he is sent plummeting back down to Earth.

𝕾𝖍𝖆𝖚𝖓 𝕿𝖆𝖓

Another artist that has added to the genre of wordless novels is Shaun Tan, which work we have studied for a past brief before. I will be talking more particularly about his graphic novel “The Arrival”, originally published in 2006, it is made up by 128 pages intricately drawn in pencil and later edited to fit the aesthetic and look off an old book.

After “reading” through this graphic novel, I was left thinking that this book is very touching and makes your mind wander off in thought.

It follows a man that cannot use words, thus the readers are experiencing everything as he is; silently. The protagonist, a man, leaves his wife and daughter to board a steamship to cross the ocean; all for the reason of building a better future for his family. - This book touches on the journeys that immigrant’s go through and experience on their travels. Although the reader clearly experiences the mans inner isolation, they also get to share his new found joys.

Below are some of the pages found within this book:

[angels-heal-u-blog]

Reiki in Delhi

Reiki (articulated beam kee) is a delicate, all encompassing, hands-on recuperating procedure valuable for stress the board, profound unwinding and self-improvement. It was established by Mikao Usui in Japan in 1914, and is currently drilled and instructed in each nation of the world, including significant emergency clinics and malignancy focuses. Reiki depends on the rules that: 1) Everything alive is comprised of vitality. Reiki shares have been a fundamental piece of my profound Reiki in Delhi turn of events and sincerely I don't have the foggiest idea where I would be today on the off chance that it were not for them. I met similarly invested individuals, extended my psyche to new skylines, held nothing back from unequivocal love, found out about different vitality mending strategies that go with Reiki, learned cool tips to utilize when giving a treatment, and how to improve my self-recuperating. The Reiki specialty of recuperating has been practically speaking for a considerable length of time. Re-propelled in Japan, the genuine cause of Reiki has been the wellspring of discussion for such a long time now. Be that as it may, one thing is without a doubt, Reiki as the principle recuperating medium or banded together with different kinds of treatment speeds up the mending procedure and loosens up the body and brain in a manner no other mending practice can.

Reiki is currently perceived as a brilliant recuperating procedure for physical treatment and self-awareness. Reiki originates from the general profound vitality source which never neglects to convey amazing outcomes. It very well may be polished on oneself, on others and in gatherings. Gathering meetings appear to have an extraordinary cooperative energy that prompts more huge and suffering outcomes. In this day and age, the vast majority of us live in a steady condition of pressure. An assortment of new Reiki in Delhi issues and sicknesses have sprung from uneasiness and stress, making it more testing than any other time in recent memory to recuperate wellbeing through traditional medicines and prescriptions. Individuals are seeing that significantly in the wake of agreeing to treatment, they are as yet learning about focused on, feeble, and debilitated. It is so natural today for any grown-up to exhaust their normal "goodness" through an excess of stress, substance misuse and so forth. On the off chance that we invest so much energy hurt ourselves, for what reason can we not invest only a brief period additionally Healing ourselves. Discover how reiki can be utilized to recuperate yourself.

On the off chance that the main thing you need to do is hands-on Reiki recuperating, that is fine. Simply comprehend that you will in all probability need to place an immense measure of vitality into this for an all-encompassing timeframe. This is the thing that I did, so I realize it works; yet I additionally realize that a great many people would battle to do this. That is the reason acquainting a second string with your recuperating bow is such a helpful thought. By multiplying your capacity to pull in customers, you give your recuperating business a greatly improved possibility of accomplishment - insofar as you unite your Reiki before you Reiki in Delhi present the second mending strategy. We have all caught wind of the "All inclusive Life Energy" Reiki. It is a renowned profound practice that utilizes the characteristic vitality to recuperate physical sicknesses just as to determine troublesome circumstances throughout everyday life. Dr. Mending and Reiki Symbols permits one to recuperate yourself as well as other people in manners numerous individuals discover hard to accept until they have encountered the intensity of Reiki and the related Symbols. Each Reiki Symbol has an alternate vitality vibration and recuperates on various levels. I composed this article for individuals who are searching for a simple, protected, common, otherworldly vitality mending framework and are uncertain about where to begin. I talk about Reiki and why you should consolidate it in your life.

Reiki separation mending is a type of Reiki treatment in Delhi that can be performed without the patient in the room. By and large, Reiki is regulated by softly contacting a patient, yet removed Reiki mending can be performed whether the patient is in the room, nearby or many miles away. Have you been searching high and low for quality free reiki mending administrations. All things considered, look no further. Free reiki is presently accessible to you around you own calendar, and in your neighborhood. The body is a confounded course of action of physical, mental and passionate frameworks and stress is a regularly disregarded factor with regards Reiki Treatment Delhi to mending and wellbeing. Reiki is a type of vitality mending dependent on the laying on of hands. Numerous medical clinics are finding out about the ground-breaking advantages of vitality mending and how it very well may be utilized to supplement conventional recuperating. Vitality is wellspring of life and life is vitality. Vitality is a multi directional power. All together Reiki implies Universal Life Energy brought through close to home mending for the reasons for recuperating.

Whoever said that Reiki can't be improved and fused with fun unquestionably hasn't attempted the blend of reiki recuperating and laying on of gems. The mending through reiki itself is sufficiently amazing to give you whatever is vital for your prosperity anyway it can in all likelihood be improved. At the beginning, we should clear up one viewpoint about Reiki. Anyone can learn Reiki. The main necessity is that you should want to eagerly summon the Reiki power that as of now is available inside you. Is it true that you are keen on learning the mending forces of Reiki attunement? What is keeping you away from rehearsing Reiki? It is safe to say that you can't locate a Reiki Treatment Delhi solid school or a Reiki Master who can give you the imperative preparing? On the off chance that you are truly keen on inclining this incredible strategy, in the current computerized age these limitations ought not keep you down. How Reiki healers treat patients. How Chakra recuperating techniques are joined in Reiki mending meetings.

Reiki is a specialty of mending which started in Japan. It is accepted that this craftsmanship started in Tibet when Tibetan priests contemplated energies and built up an arrangement of sounds and images for all inclusive recuperating energies. Over some undefined time frame, this craftsmanship was lost. Around the last part of the 1800s, Dr. Mikao Usui, a Japanese Christian instructor in Kyoto, Japan, ventured out to the United States and India looking for this recuperating aptitude. In the wake of contemplating the first Buddhist Holy Scriptures in Sanskrit, he rediscovered the insight of Reiki recuperating and came back to Japan. In this manner, the study Reiki Treatment Delhi of Reiki that advanced in Tibet quite a while in the past was followed back and created in Japan. There has been a lot of discussion about Reiki and disarray has come to fruition because of hypothesis being passed on as truth. Indeed, even the history that was at first educated all through Western Reiki has since been questioned and in certain angles disproven. This arrangement of articles composed by a Reiki ace of seven years and vitality Shaman is intended to carry some clearness and edification to the subject. The concentration for the primary article is to diagram the fundamentals of Reiki and the meaning of Reiki. This will enable other invested individuals to comprehend the establishment from which the writer is working for the motivations behind these articles. Reiki is an elective recuperating practice, which is unequivocally expected to have started in Japan hundreds of years back. It is likewise accepted Reiki Treatment Delhi that this mending framework was first found by one Buddhist specialist known as Mikao Usui, in the start of the twentieth century. Reiki is a piece of two words, Rei and Ki. Rei implies widespread, while Ki implies a progression of life or vitality. Reiki preparing is currently accessible to everybody paying little mind to your degree of past reiki experience, or where on the planet you live! Reiki, the Universal Life Force Energy that goes through each and every living being, is accessible to us all for the recuperating and development of ourselves as well as other people. Presently, it is simpler than at any other time to take advantage of you.

[zhanxixis]

Can someone explain me what was the situation with jian yi family , brother qiu and he cheng I already forgot all the story and I’m so lost T_T

first, I’d like to apologize for how late I am in answering this.. I know this ask has been sitting in my inbox since the last 19 days update but I wanted to be able to answer as thoroughly as I possibly could, plus I had to find the time. also, you forgot all of the storyline regarding jian yi’s family situation? *chokes*~ I mean I’ll take that as an exaggeration but my heart couldn’t live with it if you were serious, it would just keep me awake at night lol. okay, I’m going to try and answer this as shortly as I possibly can although I feel like this answer will still end up being quite a long one since, as I said earlier, I’m going to try to be as thorough as possible. (>﹏

I will provide a shortened version in bullet points at the bottom if that is preferable so you can just skip ahead if you want. 

when jian yi was just a baby, he was abandoned by his father which is shown in chapter 105. in the panels, shown in chapter 105, there are a few ways in which old xian employs elements of a somber mood and a sense of dark tension in the scene of jian yi’s father leaving him and his mother; the lack of a background, black speech bubbles that are vacant, the almost hyper focused imagery on the blood that covers jian yi’s father, ms. jian being shown tightly clutching a baby jian yi while visibly upset/crying — it gives an empty, dark, strained atmosphere while juxtaposed with a somber, almost loving mood from mr. jian’s last moments with his son and wife as mr. jian is actually shown to be tender with them - he clasps ms. jian’s face, gives her a kiss, and gently strokes his son’s head lovingly. the sense of dark tension seems to help assist readers in inferring that jian yi’s mother and father were possibly arguing before he left, most likely arguing about him leaving, and that he left in the middle of something dangerous happening in their lives given him being covered in blood; while the somber, semi-loving mood hints at the notion that it’s possible he didn’t really want to leave them and it was a tough decision for him to make. **also, this is one of two times old xian actually reveals some parts of what jian yi’s father looks like: tall, lean, medium grey/ash blonde hair, with a little bit of a stubble on his chin. the second time we see him is in chapter 136, where jian yi has a dream of his father pushing him and causing him to fall off this sort of hill/cliff, which may suggest that jian yi feels a bit of fear towards his father.

as jian yi grew older, his mother wasn’t around very often; jian yi never got to see her involved in his life very much so he was constantly being taken care of by a nanny. from chapter 193, it appears one of the reasons she wasn’t around very often was because of work (her occupation is unknown). as a result of neither his parents really being in his life, jian yi begins to feel very lonely, unloved, and gains abandonment issues. (panels below from chapters 97, 193)

and the feeling of being lonely, unloved, and having issues with abandonment is something he still feels and deals with currently even as he is older (below are panels from chapter 192 & 235 for example, although there are countless other times it is shown throughout the story).

now we enter the middle school days: chapter 167 is where we first see he cheng and qiu’s character, along with several other underlings, try and kidnap jian yi. they’ve come to take jian yi without discussing any reasons why and without giving any prior warning to ms. jian nor asking for her permission; they simply follow the order they’ve received from their boss to take him. it is clear he cheng is speaking to his boss as he is displayed speaking in a respectful, formal tone with common phrases one would say to their leader in an organized gang such as “we’ve already found him” and “understood”. it is then revealed in chapter 168 that their boss is jian yi’s father when he cheng hands ms. jian the phone and the phone’s caller i.d. says “mr. jian” (so yes jian yi’s father is the one who ordered them to take jian yi, again the reasoning still being unclear at this point in the storyline - it will become more clear later). jian yi’s mother is shown angry, yet composed and fearless in front of massive men clearly from an organized gang — this could be because she immediately knew that it was mr. jian’s people / was able to differentiate that they are not from a different mafia group, having had some experience in seeing some of mr. jian’s mafia lifestyle firsthand while they were together before he left; whereas a natural reaction from a normal person, ‘normal’ as in someone unaware of who this gang was or who has not been submersed in that particular lifestyle, would be to react more shocked, hysterical, and scared of who these people might be. she is very curt and direct with them, immediately ordering he cheng to hand over the phone and he cheng listens to her without resistance. 

from the conversation jian yi’s mother has on the phone with mr. jian, it is implied that jian yi’s mother and father have a estranged and complicated relationship. it is shown in chapter 168, that they are in disagreement with each other when it concerns jian yi from the time he cheng and qiu tried to take jian yi the first time. ms. jian tells mr. jian on the phone to order his underlings to leave, and she also reminds him of a conversation they once had in the past saying “I hope you still remember the promise you once made. no matter the reason, you will not..” but then it gets cut off. however, it seems to be implied that jian yi’s father had made some sort of promise in the past to leave jian yi alone when it comes to his mafia business; so while jian yi’s mother seems to want jian yi to stay as far away as possible from anything to do with the mafia, jian yi’s father has a specific reason (unknown at this point) he is involving him with it — essentially breaking that promise. 

after the conversation jian yi’s father and mother have on the phone, things between them seemed to be put to cease fire and the underlings let jian yi go and leave. however, only a few days later jian yi is taken for the first time (for real this time) by an older unnamed man in chapter 192. while held hostage, jian yi speculates reasons as to why this man captured him and keeps him as a prisoner; however, when jian yi brings up the topic of money, the older man quickly shuts that possibility down saying he wasn’t doing it for money, which only just terrifies jian yi into thinking he is after something worse. while jian yi thinks of other possible intentions this man may have for kidnapping him, he comes to the conclusion that one of the reasons could possibly be because the man wants to threaten his mother (and although this is not the reason as he cheng later says “his only motive is to meet sir [jian yi’s father]” in chapter 195). this scene is important in that it shows how jian yi feels towards his mother: that no matter how often jian yi feels lonely and abandoned by her, it hasn’t caused him to hate her full-heartedly or anything like that — in fact the phrase, “I can’t let him succeed”, that crosses jian yi’s mind when he thinks of the older man threatening or harming his mother shows he still loves her and cares for her well being greatly.

there is also another scene which feels important to mention because it reveals a bit more about ms. jian yi’s character and that is a scene in chapter 193: jian yi’s mother thinks back to the time she took jian yi to kindergarten and he asked her to stay but she told him she couldn’t (these panels can be seen near the top of the post where I mention how she is not around often) — when she remembers this, she actually begins crying, which old xian shows to demonstrate her love for jian yi and her feelings of regret for not being there for jian yi enough throughout his life. after this, she gains a look of determination on her face and meets up with he cheng and the rest of mr. jian’s underlings; when she sees them she immediately expresses her upset by the situation and remarks that she doesn’t really give a shit what they do in their line of business as long as it leaves jian yi out of it. she also mentions “I’ve been running for so many years, but I still can’t escapes from events like this” which I feel is pretty direct and doesn’t need much explaining but just in case – she has clearly been involved in dangerous events surrounding the mafia before (most likely when she and mr. jian were together) and tries to avoid that type of conflict as much as possible ever since jian yi came into their life. he cheng lets her know that in response to jian yi’s kidnapping, his father immediately sent out people to go save his son and ‘already reminded’ them to make sure jian yi comes back unharmed.

as said earlier, jian yi’s father sends his underlings to save jian yi, and qiu is the main one who goes out to do the rescue. jian yi manages to find a hole to escape from, qiu finds him and tries to help him leave while they are being shot at. the lack of care the older man gives as he erratically and desperately shoots at them to prevent them from getting away shows this man has no qualms regarding jian yi’s life ~he doesn’t care if he is harmed or killed by any of the bullets being shot off. jian yi and qiu manage to get away and while qiu hands off a weak, faint jian yi to another guard, he orders him to take jian yi to “safety”. jian yi is finally safe and he is reunited with his mother (he was gone for two days), she takes him home and leaves that afternoon “out of town”.

after jian yi’s mother leaves town, she doesn’t come back for quite a number of days which jian yi begins to complain about in chapter 235. within this same chapter is where we first learn qiu’s name when he goes to deliver a bag of lots, like a ridiculously large sum, of money to jian yi. when jian yi calls him ‘big guy’, he becomes annoyed and tells him to call him ‘brother qiu’; do not to be confused with the word ‘brother’ — qiu and jian yi are not related/family, but in chinese culture, referring to someone older as “brother” gives a sense of respect to your elders. qiu tells jian yi his mother won’t be back soon, and answers a short but quick series of rapid fire questions from jian yi without really expanding or giving much explanation to them; he is not his mother’s boyfriend, nor is his boss pursuing his mother, and the money is for him to do as he pleases since his mother will be away for a while — basically its money to take care of himself.

after this chapter, old xian begins hinting some more about qiu (he cheng and the rest of mr. jian’s underlings) being jian yi’s bodyguard as the next day qiu is seen waiting out front of where jian yi lives as if to keep watch over him and make sure he is safe; he also mentions to he cheng that he hates ‘this assignment’ (being that of watching over jian yi) because he finds himself doing other favors for jian yi besides protecting him, such as taking jian yi to school when he is late as it makes him feel like a ‘maid’, which bothers him especially when his only responsibilities are to watch over him, make sure he is safe, and protect him when it is needed. however, he cheng reminds qiu to simply deal with it as ‘the situation has become tense”, the situation likely being one where someone is out looking for jian yi to harm or kill him which is essentially confirmed when qiu reacts quickly by shielding jian yi when he thinks someone is trying to shoot jian yi in his house, says its no longer safe there, and says in chapter 279 that he — as well as the other underlings — are getting paid to protect jian yi because someone is out to hurt him. 

this leads us back to the current chapter, where it has been clear for a while now that someone (unknown to us for now ~it could be the older man from before, could not be etc.) found out that jian yi is mr. jian’s son and now they want to harm jian yi. it is slightly suggestive that it could be to get to (or maybe ‘at’, as in revenge) his father but nothing has been confirmed yet. because of the rising danger surrounding jian yi, he will now be temporarily staying somewhere else that is considered safer for him in the meantime, and his mother will be meeting him there soon. she most likely knows more about what is going on and it is likely the reason for why she was away from home without any contact for so long as well.

eventually, (keep in mind this will happen later on in the story, it hasn’t happened yet and won’t for some time as jian yi is still in middle school) jian yi will disappear on the 2nd day of high school and he will be gone for about 3 years and come back when zhan zheng xi is a freshman in college.

so to shorten it up:

mr. jian is the boss of a mafia group

mr. jian and ms. jian were in disagreements with what to do with jian yi regarding his life/childhood. they’re estranged.

neither jian yi’s father or mother participated much in jian yi’s life. because of this jian yi seems to feel detached (and maybe a little bit of fear based on his dream) from his father who completely abandoned him, and has complicated feelings towards his mother because although she didn’t fully abandon him like his father and he loves and cares for her greatly, he is still frustrated by her lack of presence in his life often and how lonely it has made him.

there is someone, unknown, who is after jian yi and they want to harm and possibly kill him. mr. jian has sent underlings to protect him and they have taken him somewhere else to live (temporarily). 

he cheng and qiu’s connection to jian yi’s family is in no way a personal one but a business one in that they are currently underlings who work for mr. jian’s (jian yi’s father) mafia group and have been ordered to protect jian yi. 

I probably could’ve just shortened it to only those bullet points but I felt in order for you to get the overall idea and understanding of what was happening with his family’s situation and how he cheng and brother qiu are connected to it, I had to expand on who, why, what, etc… I also included stuff like how they feel towards each other as a family ~like how jian yi feels towards his parents / what they feel (or may feel in his father’s case) towards jian yi because I feel like that’s also part of knowing his family’s situation (not just the kidnapping or protecting stuff). hopefully this was a pretty decent refresher. I am sorry if there are any typos.

[tinkeringwithcannabis]

Tinkering with Cannabis: The First 90 Minutes Episode 54

Product: Granddaddy Purple Full Spectrum Booster

Company: Sira Naturals

Location: Somerville, Ma

Cannabis Connoisseur: Anthony K.

Website: www.siranaturals.org

 

Hello again to all my cannabis loving and canna-curious friends, and welcome back to another episode of The First 90 Minutes! Today we will be toking and talking about an amazing new product by Sira Naturals, which I picked up from my friend Anthony K. at the Somerville, Ma location, the Granddaddy Purple (GDP) Full Spectrum Booster! To start, Sira has been selling these boosters for a while now, but they were not strain specific. Due to the number of inquiries regarding the strains used for these products, Sira decided to take this product line one step forward and began manufacturing strain specific full spectrum boosters, this being the very first one I have tried thus far. Before I get into the breakdown of what the strain does, I want to talk a little about the versatility of this product. Full spectrum boosters can be infused into edibles, vaped via dab rig or concentrate pen, or slathered onto a joint or on top of a bowl. After double checking with the Sira staff, I have confirmed that it is NOT recommended that this be used in vape cartridges. This is because this concentrate is already activated and the heat from the vape cartridge batteries does not tend to get as hot as that of a dab rig, a joint, bowl, concentrate pen (as this is specifically designed to hit higher temperatures), or oven. So, it would not be advisable to go out and purchase empty vape cartridges and fill them with this booster. You will not gain the full benefits of this product if you utilize it in this manner. If you want a portable device that would make your dabbing experience similar to that of a vape pen, look for a low-cost concentrate pen if you are looking for a similar experience to the vape pen. I have tried the G-Pen LXE, and I have heard amazing reviews about the Kuli, with both costing around $60 if purchased in a brick and mortar shop.

Jumping into the strain background, Granddaddy Purple is an herbal, peppery, piney strain with THC levels measuring up to 17% for flower, but where this is a concentrate, the TAC (total cannabinoids) measure at 79.5%. This product contains 35 mg of cannabis derived terpenes, with the top terpenes being myrcene, caryophyllene, and pinene. Myrcene is the most common terpene found in cannabis, is known for its earthy scent, and has been found to be effective as a pain reliever, anti-inflammatory, and a sedative. Caryophyllene is a spicy, peppery terpene, which has been found to have major benefits as an anti-inflammatory, anti-anxiety, anti-depressant, as well as has been found to be beneficial in targeting pain and as a sleep aid. Pinene is a pine scented terpene, which has been found to benefit those with Asthma, as it is an amazing bronchodilator, and it has also been shown to improve energy and focus. With these being the top terpenes for this product, it comes at no surprise that this strain has been found effective in treating stress disorders, pain, anxiety, insomnia, and depression. Patients who have utilized this strain have reported feeling relaxed, sleepy, happy, euphoric, and hungry, with some experiencing potential negatives of dry mouth, dry eyes, dizziness, paranoia, and headaches.

Today I will be using the GDP Full Spectrum Booster in an attempt to elevate my mood, promote physical and mental relaxation, and to decrease my stress and anxiety.  This medication session is beginning at 7:57 pm with two hits from my G-Pen LXE concentrate pen on green (medium heat 3.6v). I definitely am tasting and smelling strong pine and peppery/spicy profiles, but there is some herbal aroma to this product. This is especially true upon opening the syringe containing the concentrate. I got a pretty strong “traditional weed” scent, but once heated up, the strong profiles made themselves known. By 8:03 pm I feel my mood beginning to lift slightly, and my anxiety seems to be decreasing. Although there are no significant changes yet, I do feel my thoughts slowing a bit and my body starting to feel subtle waves of relaxation ripple throughout my muscles. At 8:07 p.m. the mood uplift has changed my low mood to more of a neutral, less depressed place. My anxiety has continued to decrease, and my thoughts have slowed down. I feel like my creative thoughts are clear, and I’m feeling an overwheliming calmness and sense of overall relaxation. I feel focused, but I can only focus my attention on one thing at a time. Multi-tasking has already begun to prove to be an issue, and I feel the tension in my neck and back muscles melting, which feels really good right now, as I have been pretty tense. The stress also seems to be melting away, as I am no longer experiencing my worries overrunning my mind.

At 8:27 p.m., I am in the zone on my writing. My body is calm and so is my mind. Although there are other things going on around me, I feel very narrowed in on what I’m doing and I am finding it easy to block out everything else going on around me. As I am writing, I do not feel a lag in my thought process. Despite the fact that my mind and body are easily calm enough that I could lay down and go to sleep, I do not feel sleepy. Just relaxed and able to breath and think clearly. My thoughts are not racing, my anxiety is gone, the stress has melted away, and although I do not feel happy, I do feel more uplifted and even. I am not experiencing any negatives so far. I am able to function without an issue. At 8:57 p.m., I am finding myself continuing to be in an amazing place in my writing. It’s really unbelievable. I can only pinpoint this to the intense mental relaxation and anxiety relief I’m experiencing, as it has really allowed me to clear my head and find a higher level of clarity. I don’t feel my thoughts racing about 900 different things, I am just focused on my writing, and other projects related to my writing. I honestly wish I did not have work tomorrow because I could just stay in this zone all night long and I would get so much writing done! I feel really calm, and I do feel my mood has lifted a bit more toward happy, but not excessively. I’d actually say peaceful and content are better adjectives to describe how I currently feel. My body is very relaxed and tension-free and I have yet to experience any negative.

Rounding the corner to our 90-minute mark at 9:27 p.m, the cerebral effects have greatly mellowed, but they are still subtly present. I still feel very calm, clear, relaxed, and uplifted, but each is to a slightly lesser degree than before. The bodily relaxation is still about the same, as no tension has returned, but the mental stress and anxiety have begun to creep their way back in with minuscule, periodic thoughts of things that have been plaguing my mind and brining me down. Although I have not quite dropped back down to a low level, I am finding that my mood seems to be descending from that happy place, and I am considering medicating again soon before the effects completely wear off just to prevent the extreme low from returning. As far as writing, I am still able to remain in a creative zone, but I am struggling a bit to continue to block out any external noise and/or distractions. I have still not experienced any negatives, and I do feel that the two hits on medium heat provided the best dosage possible for my needs.

Personally, I loved this product. I have tried this strain before and have always found it to be a great fit, but fast acting relief brought on by the extreme potency of the concentrated version was amazing. I did not experience any negatives, I felt very relaxed, happy, calm, and I was more productive than I expected. As a matter of fact, I was extremely productive and it really helped me relax enough to be able to think clearly and get a lot of work done. The bodily relaxation was amazing, so I would definitely say this would be a great option to try out for those who experience bodily pain, especially muscle-related pain. For those of you with anxiety, depression, and extreme stress, I would absolutely say give this a try. I found this to be a true mind and body strain, and it is absolutely something I will be keeping on hand for future use! Sira, congrats on another amazing product! I give the GDP Full Spectrum Boost 5 stars ⭐️! Keep up the amazing work!

If you are a patient, or adult above the age of 21 in Massachusetts, check out the following link for where you can purchase this product:

https://www.siranaturals.org/where-to-buy-cannabis-massachusetts

Well my friends, we have reached the end of this review. Thank you for joining me and stay tuned for more product reviews!

 

Disclaimer:

****Please remember, this blog is an account of my personal experience with this product. Not everyone has the same experience with every product and that is okay. I always recommend starting out with one or two hits to see if that is enough, and you can always increase your dose from there.*****

[tren-fraszka]

Fandom F5k 2020

Dear creator,

Thank you for taking your time to check my requests. I know my requests can sound a bit tricky, but please don’t be discouraged. I wish you will have good time writing first and foremost!

My AO3 is Tren, if you wish to check it out.

Likes: comedy, casefics, canon compliants, AUs, time loops, bodyswaps, roleswaps, “being hoisted by your own petard” plotlines, snark, pettiness, rivals, enemies to friends to lovers, violence, friendships and character bonding,

DNW: explicit sex, A/B/O, mpreg, rape depicted as positive (so no “it’s okay, because the other person enjoyed it/it was what they truly wanted”), trans headcanons, soulmate AUs, stories ending with surrender to fate/destiny, fourth wall breaking in canons where that doesn’t occur, character has cancer or other real-life terminal disease AU, word “queerplatonic”.

Also, I included what ships I’m okay with in each fandom. Please do not include any ships that aren’t canon and I have not allowed in those sections (if you feel really strongly about a ship I haven’t mentioned, you can always ask through mods just in case).

Additionally, while I almost never request fanart as possible medium, because I prefer my main gift to be fic, I would be very okay with receiving fanart treats. On another note, feel free to use my old letters if you get your hands on them. I never stop being interested in fandoms, and if I requested something once I will still want it in the future.

                                              REQUESTS

MARIMASHITA! IRUMA-KUN

I read new manga chapters as they get translated so feel free to incorporate anything from the manga that’s available in english. I’m not spoiled for anything beyond that, so please no spoilers for future developments.

Kiriwo Amy/Suzuki Iruma

 There are many good ships with Iruma, but this one just has a lot things I like.  I love enemy ships with both sides being way too emotionally invested into each other so this was inevitable. I love how this relationship starts as this really wholesome friendship and school festival preparation, except Kiriwo turns out to be a bit messed up and wants to blow up everyone. But then they both accept the outcome and go on with their lives still thinking about each other. Iruma goes through a lot of trouble to keep the club operating even though Kiriwo has been pretty much expelled. And then Kiriwo is now obsessed with Iruma as his anthitesis and perfect enemy.

I’m okay with the potential story happening at any point in the canon. I would love both a story set before the festival while Kiriwo is still hiding his true colors or a story set after festival. Maybe Iruma runs into Kiriwo somewhere after he escapes prison and instead of calling an adult, he tries to stop Kiriwo from causing trouble on his own. As for pre-festival story. Maybe some upperclassmen steal important parts from the club and Iruma and Kiriwo set out to get them back.

Naberius Kalego & Suzuki Iruma

I love Kalego for being a much better take on Snape than original Snape ever was. The second the series made Kalego Iruma’s familiar I knew this was about to get good. And it was. I love how Kalego slowly warms up to Iruma, even if he is still allergic to his and Sullivan’s antics. I love that Kalego is actually a competent teacher who cares about his students, even if he would rather eat a whole lemon than admit it out loud.

For prompts, maybe Sullivan ends up having an important business and Opera isn’t available so he dumps looking after Iruma on Kalego for a few days. Or Iruma is struggling with studying since so much is new for him so Kalego ends up forced to help him catch up with the material (if you are following manga inclusion of Balam is always welcome). Or maybe Iruma gets into usual trouble ends up stranded somewhere and the only one he can call for help is his familiar.

AUs and ships

I love the worldbuilding around the demon world, so I would ask that if you decided to write an AU that it still incorporates demons. I would definitely love an AU where rather than getting summoned to demon world, Iruma accidentally summons either Kiriwo or Kalego into the human world. Maybe Iruma’s parents try to use him as an offering, but instead he ends up bound to a demon. I would love to see Kiriwo excited to unleash suffering (even if his weak powers severely limit him in that regard) onto human world just to discover that he made contract with the biggest pacifist possible. Or Kalego being torn between wanting to return home as soon as possible (he has classes to teach!) and wanting to somehow help the weird human child that just keeps getting into trouble. Any other demon-focused AU is also welcome. I’m also fine with any sort of AU divergences scenario. Maybe Iruma keeps accidentally sabbotaging Kiriwo’s terrorist plans without realizing it. Or Iruma ends up summoning Kalego more often as his familiar when he gets into trouble.

As for ships, I’d rather avoid any love triangle scenarios for this canon, so please focus on just one pairing per character (competing for Iruma’s attention is normal for this canon, I’d just rather not see outright romantic competition). It’s self-explainatory for Kiriwo request, but if you want to include some shipping elements into the Kalego request I also ship Iruma/Ameri, Iruma/Alice and Kalego/Balam.

BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA

I read new manga chapters as they come out so feel free to incorporate any new developments.

Bakugou Katsuki & Uraraka Ochako

Bakugou Katsuki/Uraraka Ochako

I love how different the two of them, but at the same time how well they see through each other. I would love to have them work together while showing both great teamwork, but at the same time butting heads over their differences in worldview. I also love how they both acknowledge each other’s strength.

If you plan to write the ship version of this prompt: they are both very focused on becoming heroes, so I would prefer that they don’t just get together easily. I believe they would be both be extremely reluctant to do so, because of their line of work and media attention that heroes get. Still, I would love to see the tension between them where their professionalism fights against their feelings.

For prompts I would love having them complete some sort of exercise or exam together. I would love to see them pretend to be villains for the sake of exercise and Ochako surprisingly getting into the role, with occassional moments of her breaking out of it, which give everyone a whiplash. I feel like Bakugo would have amusing reactions to seeing her act so out of character. Or the work together on something for school festival. Like making a perferomance togater. Alternatively you can go for future fic where the two of them take part in an action to stop villains. Maybe one of them gets hurt which prompts the other to get very protective (and more honest about their romantic feelings if that’s what you are going for).

AUs and ships

I would very much encourage any future fics. I love seeing characters as fully-fledged heroes. I’m okay with other setting changes, though I would prefer for the competence aspect to still come in play somehow in them (with Bakugo being stupidly talented and hard working, while acknowledging Ochako’s potential). I’m also okay with canon divergences.

I don’t mind past Midoriya/Ochako if you want to incorporate it into the story, but I’d rather not get any love triangles for this pairing. Either have Ochako’s feelings sizzle out or have them date and break up at some point in the past. If you are writing gen version I’d rather neither Bakugou nor Ochako were being mentioned currently having feelings for anyone. When it comes to other pairings I like Midoriya/Todoroki, Mirio/Tamaki and Eraserhead/Mic.

MY NEXT LIFE AS A VILLAINESS (MANGA)

I only read manga for this story, so please don’t spoil me for the parts not yet adapted from Light Novel.

Group: Katarina Claes/Gerald Stuart (My Next Life as a Villainess)

I ran into this manga on accident, but I definitely don’t regret it. I love how Katarina ends up solving all the problems in this series either through her efforts or by sheer accident and how she ends up becoming the actual protagonist. This charmingly comedic story has a lot of heart and I crave more.

I think I like Gerard the most out of all potential suitors for Katarina’s heart and would love to see more of his crush on Katarina and unsuccessful attempts at actually wooing her. We only see him through Katarina’s perspective, who can’t separate him from the Gerard she knows from the game, even though he changed under her influence. I would definitely be up for a story where Katarina starts to notice that maybe her idea of Gerard doesn’t exactly line up with the reality. Or maybe she remains blessfully ignorant and decides to go in-depth investigation into finding more of Gerard’s weaknesses, because she saw him do something nice for Maria and now she is sure the end is near for her and she wants to be extra prepared. Or maybe he takes her on a vacation trip to escape from her other suitors, but everything goes terribly wrong (maybe their carriage crashes forcing them to spend the night in the woods), and yet both of them end up having a lot of fun.

I don’t mind including any other characters, since they are a colorful bunch. I read this manga for harem shenanigans, and you are free to include as much of it as you want.

AUs and ships

I’m okay with AUs and canon divergences. The story is already a huge canon divergence after all, so if you want to twist it even more, that’s fine by me. If you want to play around with characters accidentally getting transported to the alternate world where Katarina is the original Katarina or getting a glimps of it, I would be very much for it.

I’m okay with all canonical crushes being acknowledged, however due the nature of my request I want the endgame ship to be Katarina/Gerard. I don’t mind other characters being shipped with each other.

SWORD ART ONLINE

I haven’t read Alicization novels, just watched anime. I know anime skipped some content and if you want to use it in the story I’m fine with it, just make sure to establish the situation so I know what’s going on. However, I would be grateful for not spoiling the story from the novels that have yet to be adapted (you are free to use general worldbuilding from it, just don’t spoil major plot elements).

Eugeo/Kirito

I was perfectly fine with Asuna/Kirito becoming canon and then Eugeo came and made everything gay. Honestly, though, I love the interactions Eugeo and Kirito had and I would love to see more. Especially from their sword academy days where they had some peaceful time before they were brought to the tower. I want to know all the weird shenanigans they got into during that time, given how much like they acted like an old married couple. Or if you want something else then maybe some exploration of their struggles as they climb the tower. For example, a time loop taking place during their tower climb, with the system returning to the last save state each time Kirito dies to keep him alive.

AUs and ships

I don’t have any suggestions, but I don’t mind setting changes if that’s where you want to go. I’m also okay with Canon Divergence AUs of any kind. Especially, for ones changing the ending of first season. Like, I’m okay with sad gay we got, but there are so many possibilites to explore here other than what canon gave us. Maybe have Eugeo permanently fuse with his blade so Kirito ends up having a sentient sword boyfriend. Or he asks Cardinal to transfer her authority to him and have him oppose Administator as the new Cardinal. There’s just so many interesting ways this could have gone. I’m not big on the War of the Underworld plotline so you are free to handwave how the changes impacted it or modify that part of the story completely.

As I mentioned I’m okay with Asuna/Kirito ship, so if you want you can incorporate it in the story. Just make sure the focus stays on Eugeo/Kirito. I must also admit that I really can’t see Eugeo’s feelings for Alice as romantic, so I would prefer them to not be portrayed as such.

[superalanpaul123-blog]

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[neven-ebrez]

Meta Writing: "Finding balance as a television viewer and academic, a look at viewing under the narrative lens versus the psychological lens"

I’ve spoken on Supernatural’s utilization of a mirrored narrative to tell the repressed story of its main characters many times. My blog is full of these essays and discussions.  As a meta writer for Supernatural, this is what I've focused on writing over the years because I found this to be where the complete “full picture” of the story of the show was to be seen.  If Sam and Dean weren't openly talking about their issues then one could simply look at the monster/victim character foils within the MOTW episodes and listen to them talk where Sam and Dean either wouldn't or couldn't.  If one wanted to understand the main characters and their situation better, the show practically forces one to do this.  Or rather, I should say, I felt it forced me to do this.  And for a long time I got used to looking at the show through this type of narrative lens, where practically everything told the story of something else.  I wasn't looking at Charlie Bradbury anymore, I was looking at a narrative mirror for the issues of Sam and Dean in 9x04, where the witch symbolized codependency and Dorothy wasn’t a woman trapped by her own mechanics, but rather a sounding board for Sam and Dean trapped by their own.  

I must say, it's not a terribly fun way of looking at the show, but I thought, back then, a practically necessary one. Supernatural is post modern, after all, and frequently has episodes pointing out its own function as a story.  Robbie Thompson did this a lot (9x18 is forever one of my favorite episodes) and I remember someone asking Robbie about the mirrors of 8x11 on Twitter back in the day, where 8x11-8x16 represented one of the most blatant romantic coded arcs Dean and Cas has ever been given in the structure (as viewed through the "narrative lens", but I'm getting there!).  The person asking Robbie what his intent with the mirror was was clearly viewing the show the way I was (with the narrative lens) so I was curious as to Robbie's answer.  And when Robbie did answer, I remember being disappointed.  He told the person, "That's just how I saw the story of Charlie and Glinda."  This was a recognizing of the what I’m going to call the psychological lens (the surface, real life), but not the narrative one.  No acknowledging of how they functioned in that arc as a narrative mirror for Dean and Cas, nothing.  I felt that as a writer using such a structure it was almost his duty to at least acknowledge it.  But it was like... none of them ever did. Supernatural clearly used it, hell, still uses it, but it's only ever mentioned in passing, in showrunner interviews and the like.  

Probably every documented case of anyone with creative content creation control referencing it (the mirror narrative) is on this blog.  Back then, I was very obsessed with validating what I was seeing in any way I could.  It was like figuring out a secret, a mystery, a truth I absolutely knew to be real and then gathering as much evidence as I could to prove it because people were telling me that I was wrong and I knew I wasn't.  Stuff like 9x15 even bent characterization to cater to it, to sometimes the complete confusion of the actors.  And so that's what meta became to me.  Using the narrative lens I viewed and wrote on the narrative structure at length, writing standalone essays on the matter, discussing it in threads and speculating using the structure to extrapolate how likely certain plotlines were.  Sometimes you're right, sometimes you're wrong, but usually not about the big stuff, the stuff a season was building towards.  The longer I studied the show the better the better I got at recognizing its patterns of repeat.  And for minds like mine, with autism, which are best suited for pattern, these patterns just come so naturally.  For me Supernatural is honestly so predictable, for many reasons, the most of damning of which is right in the structure and its inability to go past a certain point.

I say this word a lot, "structure".  My family hates it.  What I really mean is its overall design.  When I talk about the structure of a car I'm talking about how it looks: the color, the features, the durability, the points of safety, whether it drives smoothly or not.  Things like that.  When I talk about the structure of a story I'm talking about how it looks as well: how it is paced, the significance of the characters involved and whether they and the themes involved within the story itself "teach" the main characters anything, what relationships are formed and how they transform each individual character, (and for visual mediums) the overall visual presentation of light/color, how the setting visually informs what the characters are doing or saying, what the characters are designed to learn through the show pointing out such steps in various ways and then cleanly implementing traditional arcs that change them in some way (usually to betterment, but not always).  All this is structure, a story's design.  Visual mediums like theatre and television have an obvious visual element meant to be incorporated, designed to support (and not work in place of) the story being told. Analyzing a book is not the same thing as analyzing a television show.  Analyzing a television show is much, much more complicated.  Books contain one author and one editor (usually).  Intent and meaningful storycraft is usually easy to decipher. If design in detail matters, the author provides that information. Television, on the other hand, involves hundreds of people refining and creating on a tight deadline. This makes deciphering meaningful story intent particularly tricky.

Discussing the structure, the story telling elements, using that knowledge to speculate or write essays giving a reading of the text (what the term “meta” generally refers to) is what we'd call viewing the show through a "narrative lens", or rather, in the case of television, a "television lens".  It's when you watch the story and realize that you are not looking at real life.  This is easier for something like cartoons (moreso when humans are completely absent), but a little harder for the brain to actively distinguish when looking at something that could *almost be real* (as in, live action people in a familiar setting).  Understanding how fictional rules are different from real life is only half the story though because real life must be accounted for in visual storytelling. I’ll explain what I mean because I’m not talking about behind the scenes stuff. Since being sent an ask about the current state of the meta community (which I still occasionally write for but don’t personally follow anymore aside from following my friends @mittensmorgul and @elizabethrobertajones) I’ve been thinking about this a lot. The fact that we’ve lost a lot of voices over the years as a community of narrative academics is, I think, the root of the challenge currently facing the meta community.  With so many lost voices and angles there's a significant sort of echo chamber that begins when you get people together that all view the show through the same lens against a lack of diverse readings.  In this case, the narrative lens and the Destiel reading.  You see, the problem is the show, as it exists now, isn't always so rigidly written through the narrative lens like it was in Carver era, it's now written primarily through the real life lens.  I find this to be especially true in Dabb era showrunning.  

Regarding the meta writing community and the fandom's two main shipping sides, there’s also a huge disconnect, fostered over YEARS of discord in acknowledging subtext designed by writers for both factions, both readings, and, of course, the arguments over intent (which is usually unknowable unless a public record is made and even then a lot of academics ascribe to “Death of the Author”, particularly given the collaborative nature of television production, so...). Wincest subtext gets scoffed at or ignored, derided for not standing a chance at being canon by the Destiel side and the Wincest side often mocks the Destiel side in such a profound way (pun intended) as to suggest (or outright say) the subtext isn’t even there at all to mean anything in the first place (which is ridiculous).  Again and again I also see (and it's never really worded this way) a disconnect over the lens the show is viewed with: narrative (televison) vs psychological (real life).  The most major arguments I see are between fans watching for the Wincest reading and using the psychological lens versus fans watching for the Destiel reading and using the narrative lens.  

There’s rarely any common ground between these two distinct groups, with the Wincest psychological viewers acting more as critics than providing anything resembling essays of their own.  Maybe they are out there.  I haven’t seen them.  Most “good” Wincest meta died out relatively early. We, as a viewing and academic community, are a house divided in so, so many ways, even on each side of the chasm.  Maybe I have no right to make this post. I don’t know. I don't like things that treat fandom like it's something to be picked apart and examined. This kind of examination makes me... uncomfortable. I keep thinking about that ask the other day asking me what is going on in the meta community though. So I'm going to try and tackle it.  The fact is... we are not a whole and we are not supposed to be. That’s the point. Getting a single exact read off any text, let alone getting a group of people on the same page to watch with the same lens, is practically impossible.  But lately the divide and inbalance has gotten to be so bad that we aren’t even talking to one another anymore, not really. We are all just yelling a lot of misunderstandings back and forth. So... what is happening to the meta community? I'm going to try and talk about it.

Okay.  So I've explained what structure is and what a lens is.  So now I'm going to talk about balance because the current issue plaguing the meta community is a lack of voices discussing and viewing things in balanced way. And I'm going to focus on ship related meta writing because let's face it, that's where a lot of the most passionate arguing is.  Since meta is usually written with a bias for a certain reading we most often get four distinct readings:

A --The Narrative lens: Wincest

B --The Narrative lens: Destiel

C --The Psychological lens: Wincest

D --The Psychological lens: Destiel

Post S12 when Dabb era started I personally made the decision to switch from writing/watching through B to D instead.  A narrative lens focuses on things like mirroring, set design, character arc reading.  A psychological lens focuses on things like characterization (usually with a focus on where a character is and not how they are designed to change), seeing the characters as real people, rather than narrative constructs.  Lynn from Fangasm is a good example here and I don’t think she’d mind me mentioning her here.  Lynn, as a psychologist by trade and J2 fan by choice, views the show through a Wincest psychological reading, in total opposite from me in Carver era Supernatural, viewing with a narrative Destiel lens.  We disagreed on a lot on stuff as you can imagine.  I read her from time to time but she didn’t read me. Now, sometimes viewing one lens too much can make you blind to other things (not limited to readings).  Frequently she’d hate and not understand things that I felt were explained perfectly as viewed through my lens.  It's the difference in seeing Charlie Bradbury personally go through some stuff vs seeing Sam and Dean's issues elaborated on in the complex abstract.  However, for me, post S11 I found myself way too stuck in the narrative lens.  I felt I wasn't even seeing or experiencing the show the way it was designed anymore.  And I wasn't.  And being that Supernatural is part of my job I knew I had to reorient myself.

In Dabb era in particular, there's text and communication between the characters, which means that a narrative lens isn't strictly needed for viewing anymore.  When S12 was airing I had the absolute pleasure of meeting Robert Berens and talking to him at length about meta.  My friends @ibelieveinthelittletreetopper​ and @nicky36​ were with me and the post is on my blog somewhere.  Berens is my absolute favorite writer for the show.  I talked to him about the narrative lens and how stuff like what he wrote about Mary leaving in 12x03 lost its emotional resonance with me because I knew she was leaving for contractual reasons, rather than general characterization ones.  It was a problem with me, rather than a problem with the writing itself.  It's watching a puppet show and instead of paying attention to the story, staring at the strings the whole time.  I knew I had to learn to stop that even before talking about it to anyone.  We also talked about 9x06, which was my favorite S9 episode as a Cas fan!  I remember I talked about the season's theme of consent issues and I mentioned something from the divine reviews I wrote about a consent reference 9x06 made through a pop culture reference about the sex practices this random island had.  He wrote the episode and chose this island to reference.  I thought surely he knew what I was talking about.  I was complimenting his cleverness, after all.  And I'll never forget what he said to me: "You know, meta writers are often far more clever than the writers are themselves."  It means we, as pattern seekers to themes (in the case of S9, consent themes), can pick out any kind of pattern if we are simply looking hard enough for it.  And some things that we think are intentional, are simply coincidental, even within the written screenplay. After talking to Robert Berens that day I never looked at meta writing the same way again and began to work towards switching my viewing lens.

That's not to say viewing the show through the narrative lens is bad, or wrong. It's valid and a fucking important way to view the show, but equally important is realizing that sometimes you need to take a step back and consider other readings and lenses, too.  So I stopped focusing on pop culture references and their thematic associations.  I stopped looking at the set design as a primary storytelling point and regaled it to a secondary support point.  I stopped looking at who Dean and Cas were mirroring and started looking at what they themselves were actually saying to each other, doing together.  I realized that all the mirrors in the world didn’t matter if Dean and Cas weren’t actually talking to one another and physically in the same scenes together.  All the romantic coding in the world through the visual presentation and mirror structure would not take the place of real life escalation.  And I found looking at it and talking of the show in this manner, was getting beyond exhausting, especially when I ended up saying the same thing over and over.  Carver era made the narrative lens necessary to view Destiel, while Dabb era has made it practically irrelevant. Even now I can still see these storytelling elements and comment on them in passing but mostly for me they started working like an overlay in tandem.  And it provided something I hadn't had in a lot time watching: clarity.

Concerning mirroring, I've seen that often the Cas!fan Destiel side focuses too much on this (like I used to) through the narrative lens because Misha isn’t a lead therefore Cas isn’t in every episode so he often exists in this narrative space within the mirrored structure of the show (also called us seeing Destiel parallels).  Through the continued use of the mirrored narrative, the show makes it so Cas fans (who watch primarily for Cas) must look for him there when he’s not physically present in the episode, desperately so in some cases. A Wincest reading, however, has the benefit of J2 being leads and present in every episode, with the reading enjoying touchstone psychology updates/deepening usually in every episode (though yes, Sam/Dean scenes have been cut drastically this year because of contractual reasons). Mirrors for the brothers (good and bad) are easily ignored completely (unless extremely heavy handed) because they are physically there for each other in every episode. Because of this priority watching divide (and handicap on the Cas fan’s side) I believe this has lead some meta writers to focusing too heavily on this element of Supernatural’s storytelling (or otherwise the symbolic narrative), to the point they sometimes even focus on it over Cas’ physical presence without really realizing it.  And other fans do the opposite and/or ridicule them.  And both types of fans and focuses are what I'd call being "out of balance".

On the flip side of discussing the impracticality of viewing primarily through a narrative lens, I'm going to also discuss how it's impossible to view solely through a psychological one, like so many “antis” in Supernatural fandom do.  How many times have we heard, "You are disrespecting the character's sexuality by doing your analysis!  Dean says he's straight so you must accept he is!"?  I know I've seen it a lot.  It's heavy on the fans that favor a Wincest reading through a psychological lens. This type of argument treats the character, Dean in this case, as REAL, instead of a fictional construct subject to other mechanics within storytelling.  This is because the fan is viewing the show primary through a psychological lens and thinks the same ethnics of real life people apply to fictional constructs such as Dean Winchester. This is simply not true.  You don’t judge a real life person’s sexuality based on the colors of their shirt!  What’s wrong with you?  It is quite impossible to disrespect a fictional character. As a viewer/academic, you can only really feel your understanding of them is being disrespected.  In the end, Dean is still very much a fictional construct and thus, is not subjected to being viewed strictly under a psychological lens especially since a medium of storytelling like television and screenplay use visual elements and other narrative devices to also tell the story of the character.

Mel sent me several old posts with some examples. In real life the mailman damaging my mail and delivering it late one day isn’t symbolic of my messed up internal issues as a person. It’s just a crap thing that merely happened one day (even if I muse it feels like my own personal symbolism). I, unlike Dean, also don’t put on the same shirt every time I’m about to make a bad decision.  When May rolls around I don't worry about the world maybe coming to an end each year, but Sam and Dean probably dread it.  When I decorate and paint my walls I'm looking to create a certain pleasing aesthetic for the sake of it being pleasing, not for the sake of displaying the current problems plaguing my inner psyche. Or maybe some people do this to some degree, idk.  Mostly, no.

Supernatural does indeed put storytelling clues in the wallpaper, but usually the intention is not as far reaching as some people conclude.  And it’s in it’s own created language. Regardless, you can’t write a story with wallpaper alone.  At most, you can simply look at it and guess something small ahead of time (like hourglasses signifying time travel). I'll use 11x06 as an example. In this scene we have a demonic liar getting interrogated in a room with Gabriel’s wallpaper from Changing Channels because the demon is trying to trick Sam and Dean into releasing him and saving his meatsuit instead of kill him (since Carver realized he needed to refocus the Winchesters onto saving people after S10, which, idk, maybe he realized how heartless they were seemingly becoming by choosing each other over the world so much, anyway...). Anyway. In 5x08 Gabriel used that entire episode to trick and trap Sam and Dean in a fabrication. Trick and lies.  There’s your thematic tie in. I remember some people just immediately saw that wallpaper and thought it meant Gabriel was coming back when instead it was a simple "beware of trickery" thematic callback. Under the show’s silent storytelling language when this wallpaper is used, it means we are being lied to and tricked.  This is all the wallpaper is meant to invoke.  Sam immediately realizes this in the same scene.  The silent storytelling here is just a fraction ahead of the textual storytelling.  And that’s what silent storytelling is designed to do.  Looking at wallpaper for clues on character development is a whole different analysis problem because Supernatural, by very much all appearances, want Sam and Dean to develop as slowly and as little as possible because the bulk of fans watch for their issues, not to the resolution thereof.  The show doesn’t know what Sam, Dean, and Cas look like past a certain point of development and they are wholly uninterested in exploring that.

But back to wallpaper, interpretation, and 11x06.

A request for this wallpaper was probably not in the script.  Screenplay usually puts as little detail into the script as possible because they simply trust Jerry Wanek and his design team to do their jobs (and Jerry, in fact, usually disregards certain script directions in favor of his own ideas as better symbolically worked into the show).  AU!Michael’s church was originally a concrete bunker and Billie’s minimalistic fate library in 13x05 was originally a country cottage.  Jerry is given extreme leeway on SPN (with I think only like 6 of his decisions have ever been vetoed he told us), but only because he’s so in sync with the show’s thematic presentation.  I’m going off topic again because I’m supposed to be talking about fandom.  Sorry.  Back to 11x06 (again). Gabriel is such a fan favorite, however, that this (look out for tricks) was not the basic thematic message a lot of fans took away.  No, the message they took away was Gabriel was probably coming back soon. I remember speculation continued about that for weeks.  When at the time there were absolutely no plans for that during production. This reading, I can say with confidence, was absolutely unaccounted for.  Jerry Wanek’s whole department is quite literally kept in the dark about future storylines. He’s told me this himself. By the time production for an episode rolls around they have a few scripts ahead maybe, nothing more. This is why Jerry was confused as hell about Asmodeus being a shape shifter in S13, because he didn’t know Gabriel was definitely coming back and that Asmodeus was siphoning Gabe’s powers. Poor Jerry just thought Buckleming was just butchering the canon for fun (I mean... this does happen so...). If there’s an intentional visual motif present, it either draws on some simple visual theme from earlier (tricks and 5x08 vs 11x06) or it’s part of the language of the show as written in the screenplay.  It is very much something Supernatural does.  Just not in such a complicated way, and one that definitely doesn’t conform to real life.

Real life ≠ Fiction and Fiction ≠ Real life

Do we see yet the limitations of relying too heavily on one lens over the other when viewing and analyzing media?  How staring at the wallpaper can blind you to your psychological understanding of the characters, and how likewise, thinking of the characters as real people can just as well blind you to what the story is trying to tell you using a complete framework as a thoughtful examination of human expression and experience? You have to see it all and all at the same time to get a good picture.  If you are going to write about the show then somewhere you must find balance or risk going blind. Television, most of the time is about creating stories that feel real, fourth wall breaks aside.  The average television viewer is honestly not sitting there seeing Charlie Bradbury as Dean and Cas', Sam and Dean’s issues or whatever.  They see her simply as Sam and Dean's nerdy little red headed friend who is coming to help them out with something.  Writers often write through the narrative lens, but realize that most people watch through the "real life" one.  

This psychological lens is not only accounted for, but it is generally catered to all of the time.  Significant storytelling is therefore always in the psychological lens because the truth is television rarely wants you sitting there figuring out futrue storylines.  It operates on you wanting to WATCH to see what’s next.  They hate fans like me who can guess major plot points ahead of time. The truth is they want you to suspect certain things, but not expect them.  The difference is a bit complicated and I extracted my discussion of speculation based on structure out of this post for cohesion.  I hopefully make a separate post on it because I think I pretty much got the S14 finale figured out at this point.  As much as I love, LOVE and have written on the narrative lens, it is not how the show delivers its primary narrative, especially here in Dabb era.

Go through and rewatch S8-S10 of Castiel (or better yet, Dean/Cas) only scenes and really look at what the show is giving itself. Then look at the difference in S11-S14, paying close attention to the difference in S9 over S14.  For those immersed in the subtextual and mirror narratives with Destiel, this is an extremely good exercise, especially if you are someone who really believes or hopes the show will (eventually) convert the subtext into undeniable romantic text at any point (hint: Cas and Dean have to be physically together in scenes in a way that allows for escalation). Note that I don’t say canon here for a reason. Based on compounded narrative character mirrors (meaning mirrors repeated at least three times by various writers and can be deemed "significant" because they are witnessed by either Dean or Cas, though lbr usually Dean because we most often get these in the physical absence of Cas in an episode) and subtext (used to compare and explain Dean and Cas’ feelings towards one another), Destiel is already subtextually canon. Hell, without the mirrors, it’s this almost through romantic tropes alone.  Supernatural is way past something like Korrasami, that got declared canon through subtext, mirroring, and Word of Gay.  Destiel has honestly been way past this point for a long ass time, just like Dean being a canon drug user.

Both things are subtextually canon through different visual/dialogue/mirroring storytelling elements, but I'd consider each canon nonetheless, yet still easily ignored/misunderstood due to various degrees of disbelief or ignorance, usually based in a gap of the viewer’s understanding as informed by their own experiences and/or a lack of understanding concerning how television writing works differently from real life experiences of the same nature. The term "psuedocanon" is something I adopted back in S10 (I believe it was) to talk about the exact undeniable/deniable nature of Destiel within the split academic writing/viewing community.  There’s no right or wrong about something being subtextually canon and television writing accounts for this viewing disparity in every significant narrative. Read that, then read it again because it’s so often the core of so many fandom arguments to the point I wanna rip my hair out. Right now, Destiel is not a significant narrative in the show.  It’s not an obvious plotline.  It’s what we’d call a secondary plotline, yet one that often drives action (usually in the form of Dean and/or Cas moping around in various ways). You don’t really need text of either (not the nature of Dean and Cas’ relationship nor the true nature of Dean’s relationship to drugs) to watch and understand the show on the primary surface level, well... except lately when the show points out how Sam doesn’t understand certain things between Dean and Cas (13x03, 14x12) but even then the show seems content to let us be just as oblivious as Sam there.  

If I’m going to make a comparison here, the show is content with you selling you a car, but it is also content with you not completely understanding whether or not it has cruise control even as an option. The important thing is that you understand they are selling you a car.  Personally I really want and need cruise control, but it’s not a deal breaker for me like it could be for some.

Now, we don't have Word of Gay like Korrasami, but I think... I think a lot of people need to stop trying to prove themselves right about Destiel being subtextually canon through continuously, in a way that denotes hyperfocus, pointing out the new ways in which it is by discussing the show mostly (or even solely) through the narrative lens.  I honestly believe we, as a community, have written enough on it over the years.  It feels... exhaustive at this point. Meanwhile, the psychological lens is right there and, as I can attest, helps keep your analysis' merits grounded in a way that is more easily explained and personally examined.  The future of Destiel lies there. I don't think there are many of us out here writing on the nature of the Destiel narrative that are doing it because it's popular anymore.  If we are still writing on it and have been for a while, it's because we genuinely care and we find it fun.  That or we are frustrated.  For me, it’s a little of both.  When meta used to be written, back when queer reading and codings stayed in the subtext, there wasn't all this pressure being put on meta writers about possibly leading people on.  This post by @bakasara​ from back in the day perfectly sums up the situation we, as a community, keep finding ourselves in, only now the situation seems worse. Since these storylines never got text, the fact that they wouldn't was a given.  Now that the television landscape has changed, and Supernatural still remains, with one reading (Destiel) having a chance of going canon over the other (Wincest), the meta writing community of the show is in a particularly interesting place in fandom history where apparently meta writers can be blamed for somehow leading fans on in place of the narrative itself doing this.  

I used to think this was wholly rubbish, but when you have meta writers ascribing writer intent to a product that deals with hundreds of individual intents, some of which have nothing to do with the writing's main intent, in a way that denotes the meta writer somehow knows best, then we do have a genuine problem.  I feel like I’ve been here long enough and studied this fandom and this text to such a degree that I can say that. I don't personally know of any meta writer who does this, whether they are hyperfocused on viewing the show through the narrative lens or not.  Doesn’t matter. I've already said I don't read other meta writers anymore since meta writing as an art form of expression made for enjoyment has shifted beyond my tastes from writing academic essays on a reading into this kind of weird meta writing subset that either simply tags discussions (anyone’s opinion post) as "meta" or otherwise uses this weird analysis/speculation blend in a way that is not clearly separated and/or defined.  Just because I don't follow it, doesn't mean those voices aren't out there.  I think they probably are.  

And it's no secret that I personally lament what the meta writing community has become, even though it still imo has its essay gems.  There are simply a lot of people inexperienced in many things concerning the analysis of media and they are out there telling people that certain things matter that don't and that certain things are right that aren't.  These I have seen.  I remember back in S10 having to correct someone that thought the title of "Story Editor" meant that another writer could edit a script they didn't write.  Television writing isn't like a school yearbook staff.  I don't remember who they were.  But I do remember thinking, "Dear LORD, this person is talking like they know something when they have NO CLUE!  And what's worse, people are believing it!"  The “story editor” title is literally a pay grade distinction on Supernatural. I think most people would be shocked to know Supernatural doesn't even have a traditional writers room.  The writers get together a few times a year and that's IT.  There’s some collaborate efforts made among themselves but it's not like episode meetings among the whole staff are made.  They aren't. They have a certain piece to write and they write it. The writer's room is a dictatorship overall.

So to sum up... While yes, language and knowledge among certain meta writers is a problem, there's also a growing problem with how different readings are coming to depend too much on a single viewing lens. None of that invalidates any of the meta being written if it is what can actually be classified as meta. We need to stop associating discussion/speculation with meta across the board.  If we want people to stop speculating intent over possible future relationships using meta, then say that.  People won’t do it, but say it like this, I beg you. To this hope, I feel like I might as well be talking to a wall on this point. And like I said earlier, many voices have been lost.  And for that, there's really nothing we as a community can do at this point.  Those people are pissed, bitter, or have been driven away at this point. When I first joined the meta writing community in S8 we were very diverse, and now we simply are not.  And I wrote this not to sound like a policing or patronizing wake up call to anyone.  I fucking love meta writing.  It’s important.  I was asked what was happening in the meta community. Here I attempted to answer that in a general way. I tried very hard to talk about my own experiences writing meta, how I viewed it, how I saw the community on tumblr as it started and how I feel it has since irrevocably changed.  Meta is supposed to be fun, providing a certain point of view, nothing more.  By merit, it can't promise anything and shouldn't be confused with speculation.  In my next segment I'm going to discuss speculation, how writing is designed to create suspicion and not expectation.

Thanks for reading and a special shout out to @justanotheridijiton who had to view this meta in its raw unreadable form and who encouraged me to rewrite it and publish it despite my initial desire to write all this out for myself, then just delete it.

[willbeshot]

NAME: Reaver VARRIC’S NICKNAME: Up to any Varric that I interact with! AGE: 286 during the main game, 289 during trespasser - though he isn’t present for this RACE: Human CLASS: Rogue SPECIALIZATION: Primarily archery ( uses a crossbow ), but can dual wield just as easily 

RECRUITMENT QUEST:

Reaver is first encountered at the winter palace in randomized locations during the “Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts” quest where he is an optional person to speak with. If the inquisitor manages to find him and speak with him, he will state that he finds the ordeal between Celene and Gaspard to be rather boring, that he truly doesn’t care who comes into power as his place on the court has been solidified, and that he finds the inquisitor and their work to be interestingly entertaining. After all of his dialogue options have been exhausted, he will say that he has “business” to and seemingly disappear once you leave the area you found him in. 

Upon returning to Skyhold, the inquisitor will find that their quarters have been broken into. Nothing will be stolen, but a letter addressed to them accompanied by a single red rose will be found on their bed. The letter will read as such:

“My dearest inquisitor, I did so enjoy our little chat at the empress’ soiree-- A shame we could not converse longer. My work can just be so time consuming. I’m sure that you of all people understand that. Unfortunately, I am not writing this letter to merely spew pleasantries. No, I’m afraid that one of your own has proven that their loyalties lie elsewhere and not strictly with you. I would have taken action against them myself, but I doubt you would want someone not affiliated with you handling your own personal business.  By the time you read this, I will have already found myself in the bustling city of Val Royeaux--  Should you wish to investigate this matter further, you may seek me out there. --And before I forget, your guards are terrible. I managed to sneak all the way into your private chambers and not a single one of them noticed me! You should perhaps do something about that. Yours, Reaver.”

If the inquisitor did not speak to him at the winter palace, the initial part of his letter will read differently; basically saying that he was busy with political matters all night and that he feels terrible for missing out on an opportunity to talk with them.

Heading to Val Royeaux, the inquisitor will be met by a servant of Reaver’s stating that Reaver had instructed that he wait for them, and that he was to lead them to the mansion in which Reaver is currently staying in. On their way to the mansion, the inquisitor and their companions will be attacked by a group of soldiers wearing inquisition armor. In the middle of this fight, Reaver will make an appearance and jump to their aid. Once the fight is over, Reaver will invite them inside in order to speak with them privately. There, he will say that he had heard what appeared to be an inquisition spy speaking with someone from Tevinter, and that from what he overheard, the details that were being shared were seemingly details that would likely need to be kept private. If the inquisitor does not follow this lead, Reaver will not be recruited. If they choose to follow up on this information, they will be sent to Emprise du Lion. There, they will confront this supposed traitor. When being confronted, the traitor will attempt to flee, but Reaver will shoot an arrow through their lower leg and this will cause them to fall. There, the inquisitor has the option to take them back to skyhold for judgement or to kill them on the spot. Once an option has been chosen, Reaver will say that he has found that working alongside the inquisitor is incredibly exciting and that he would love to accompany them further. This will ultimately lead to the inquisitor deciding whether or not to recruit him.

If the traitor was taken back to skyhold and Reaver has been recruited, a “sit in judgement” will ensue. The traitor will confess to his crimes, but say that he had been paid to do what he did. The inquisitor may either conscript the traitor to the wardens ( if they have not been banished ), lock him up in prison, or have him executed. Sparing the traitor will receive medium disapproval, but executing him will result in heavy approval.

PERSONAL QUEST + TAROT CARDS:

Intially, upon recruiting him, Reaver’s card is the seven of coins reversed. This symbolizes Voided ambition, vanity, cupidity, exaction, usury. It may also signify the possession of skill, in the sense of the ingenious mind turned to cunning and intrigue.

Once his approval has been maxed and the inquisitor has switched him out of their party, they will find that they will be unable to have him join up with them once more. If they are away from Skyhold, returning there will cause them to learn why that is.

Reaver has betrayed them.

The inquisitor will be met by an injured soldier who will say that as soon as the inquisitor and their companions left, Reaver had promptly made his way to where the spies typically were and had not only slaughtered most of the ones that he saw ( though several managed to escape and likely ran off to tell Leliana ), but had also seemingly taken various documents upon doing so. As he was leaving, two soldiers attempted attempted to stop him, but the first had his throat slit, and the second - the one relaying the information - had been stabbed in the shoulder; so they ultimately failed to stop him from fleeing. From there, the soldier isn’t sure where he went, but is sure that he left Skyhold. After relaying that information, the soldier will collapse and ultimately die on the spot.

With Skyhold now in utter chaos, the inquisitor will meet with a furious Leliana before ultimately continuing on with their investigation of Reaver’s mess. If the inquisitor insists that she sends more of her people after him, Reaver will eventually kill those which she had sent and leave their bodies scattered around in various locations outside of Skyhold. This will also make it more difficult to keep Leliana unhardened. Once a plan of action regarding the spies has been chosen, the investigation will continue and several important details will be brought to light:

The traitor from his recruitment quest was one of his own men. Reaver had implanted him within the inquisitions ranks back at Haven and once he had been properly integrated into them, had managed to strike from within. This was how he was able to gain the inquisitor’s trust and ultimately convince them to let him join. If you spared the “traitor”,  the traitor himself will tell you this. Reaver had been smuggling out lyrium and mages/templars since he joined. It was a slow process, as taking out too much lyrium or too many mages/templars would be noticed rather quickly, but over time he had managed to steal a great deal of resources. No one was going to notice a few people go missing here and there, and the missing lyrium was typically thought to be lost during transportation to Skyhold. Reaver is an agent of Corypheus. He had been supplying Corypheus with lyrium and bodies even before the conclave. 

He will also leave a letter accompanied by a black rose this time in the same place he left his initial one. The note will state that while he had enjoyed himself and that running around with the inquisitor had proven to be fun for a while, he was now bored and had claimed everything that both he and Corypheus wanted; which meant that he was now going to leave. He would then state not to try to find him unless they wished to die, and that their guards were still lacking in skill.

From here, the inquisitor will track him down to the exhalted plains and be forced to face him in combat. Once captured, a “sit in judgement” will become availible. Due to his immortality given to him by Imshael, a fact which will now be known, death will not be an option for him. The inquisitor may either lock him away in prison or hand him over to Leliana to do what she pleases with him. However, no matter the option, REAVER WILL ALWAYS ESCAPE A SECOND TIME. And unfortunately, he will not be caught again and will ultimately flee to Tevinter.

After this quest is done, Reaver’s tarot becomes the seven of swords. Indicating deception and betrayal.

LOCATION IN SKYHOLD: He can be found either with Vivienne, Dorian, or in the garden.

APPROVAL: Reaver will ultimately approve of the inquisitor being greedy and aggressive. He will also approve if the inquisitor states that keeping circles in place is a good idea. DISAPPROVAL: Reaver won’t like if the inquisitor is too passive, or too focused on being good. He doesn’t care about the needs and rights of others, so focusing too heavily on that will cause him to disapprove.