#my mental state has been bad so
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Celebrities use Tumblr as well.
Note
you don't deserve a happy birthday.
I'm wheezing at this but I also don't know how to properly react since like just imagine walking up to a person irl who's excited for their birthday and you just go "you don't deserve a happy birthday" non-jokingly
I know this is the internet and toxicity doesn't really effect me (I typically just find it funny because I'm used to it) but I still feel like I should bring up the whole "would you do this irl or are you too much of a coward" thing
#very floaty rn so idk if what i said makes sense#but yeah#my mental state has been bad so#this isn't something that'd bring it down further though#if i get more anons like this i'll just laugh#like i'm sorry#but toxicity is funny to me when directed towards me#i was a league of legends player so#and my parents argue like 24/7 and sometimes just randomly lash out at me#so yeah#the keyword for the league player thing is was btw#i don't play that hell game anymore#i'm sorry if these tag ramblings make no sense#just know that you can't really dampen my mood with things like this#oh yeah idk if i should give attention to things like these#i just feel the need to and idk why#i think i'll end it here though#hope you guys have a great day
1 note
·
View note
Text
Silly guys goin' on silly adventures:]
@rorydrawsandwrites's puppeteer au but the only difference is that jax gives consent
My contribution to this wonderful au has been long overdue:')
Rambling in tags ehe (cw: ribbun:p)
Well maybe it's not the only difference
#I think in this version of the au possesion puts you into an almost dream-like state#Slipping into a sort of weird trance#Like physically you still have control of your body#But mentally you're mindlessly following orders from a disembodied voice#Kinda works like that imperius curse in harry potter (yes ik rowling sucks)#And jax soon figured out it was great for dissasociating😀#Escapism and heavily dependant on those possesion sessions to preserve his own mental stability:')#But *cue dramatic music🥁*#He eventually realises that it was not the possesion that brings him comfort and peace no more#But the presence and embrace of gangle that did<3💖💗💞#Jskhsskhj sorry that was so cheesy🧀#Well more or less its because he hadnt have human interaction in AWHILE it seems#Goose did confirm that it has been a long time since he last got a hug:(#*almost* made me feel bad there#Mkay enough rambling about this slight very minor variation of the story#I hope this whole thing was coherent to even be readable=]#Maybe ill even add emojis✨#tadc gangle#tadc jax#ribbun#the amazing digital circus#Tadc au#tadc fanart#tadc fandom#gangle x jax#jax x gangle#Let me have this guys#Let me indulge-#Her head is a tad bit too small yes IM AWARE#This is actually probably my fastest post to reach 100 notes wth (in like 7-8 hours)
483 notes
·
View notes
Text
some business to take care of
#i was tempted to caption this as she was a skater boy and she was also another skater boy but#duck scribbles#midoyuzu#enstars#whats up guys im being embarrassing again on main#been wanting a new phone wallpaper and this was born. its the lesbian version though im not showing that#midori takamine#yuzuru fushimi#yuzumido#ensemble stars#also have additional doodles that r kind of corny and im too ashamed to add into the main post so i might add on a reblog or maybe not#midterms were so awful i had to keep reminding myself i can go ham drawing whatever i want once im done. and naturally its this#anyways ive always liked midos city rider fit it suits her so well#always wanted to find a good one to pair w it and the wink killer 2nd half xscout was toooo good i was inspired immediately#finally could use this good ref pic ive had saved since forever i need to draw backgrounds more too it was rather fun somehow#mental state has been yoyoing an insane degree lately like come on i dont need to be reminded i am a useless hunk of meat every other day#with nothing good going for them. college is amazing at reminding me of such god bless#i have bad tendencies to self isolate behind the excuse of concentrating that i am trying to fix . but its hard to get back when i do#not to mention the entire Big Event happening over in good ol amerika serikat!!! my apathy is naturally immense#but whats some peace of mind here and there idk. im gonna read yuri
378 notes
·
View notes
Text
SAID HE LIKES CRAZY GIRLS,
BUT HE HATES WHEN I ACT CRAZY,
IT TAKES TWO TO TOXIC!
FINALLY!!! Finished these pics of jinx I’ve been working on!!!!! HOLY SHIT, these took so long…. But finally… they’re done… pls enjoy this art of my beautiful princess w a disorder. Featuring alternate colors for the big pic and also a closeup! Cuz I rlly like how both the lines and coloring on her face turned out… like the pink gradients w her eye… her deer in headlights expression,, like uve just startled a raccoon digging thru ur trashcan and r two seconds away from getting mauled.. m proud of it!
#arcane#league of legends#jinx#jinx arcane#arcane jinx#doodles#hate and love how hardcore I relate to jinx…#little sisters w dependency issues.. + a whole lot of other issues#anyway the ‘he’ in the ‘crazy girl’ lyrics is in my mind referring to both vi and silco lol#I’m sORRY! I keep seeing ppl hardcore pitting these 2 bad bitches against each other#and it’s like… silco is objectively. morally worse than vi.. vi is not like. a ruthless crime lord#vi IS 100% trying her best and loves her sister. but she still screwed up w jinx#and silco ALSO truly loves jinx. but also screwed up by fucking. trauma bonding w her ghgh-#like.. silco is too close. he’s like. yes go apeshit jinx I support and love you and understand u no matter what fucked up shit u do.#were the same. and that’s beautiful!!! I love how supportive he is…#but its like.. silcos too close. he just became a new person for jinx to glomp onto and base her self esteem around after vi left#and he doesn’t manipulate that on purpose but. he DOES effect that girls mental state. cuz he needs her too#meanwhile vi is too far away… she thinks she knows who jinx is. but jinx has changed… time marches forward. she’s not that little girl#anymore#and nOW! after the finale jinx has NOBODY TO BE CODEPENDENT W..#her mental state has always been so tied up in how the ppl she puts on pedestals view her#and now there’s no pedestal anymore. she knocked down the statues. she’s alone…#it’s interesting….#anyway I’m not trying to say vi is as bad as silco at ALL. just that she’s an equally important building block in jinx’s mind#that has made her into the fucked up lil person she is today. and I think that’s neat.#lol anyway! I’m hyped for season 2….#aLSO GOD DAMN THIS GIRLS OUTFIT IS COMPLICATED. WHY DO U GOT SO MANY BITS N BOBS JINX??? I mean I get it accessories rock.#but u take so much time to draw ghfhg- require so much brainpower#aLSO ADDENDUM. while silco is objectively morally worse than vi his relationship w jinx is genuinely. like. makes me emotional ghgh-#its not perfect. or healthy. but… it’s. the both of them. being seen. and accepted. and loved and understood.. and I love that shit.
178 notes
·
View notes
Note
i think i genuinely just realized buddysim is your sideblog 🤦♂️ i yhought it was some guy
IT IS hehehe ... play my game boy ... boy ... play my game .... it will destroy you
youtube
To anyone that may be interested, Buddy Simulator 1984 is a psychological horror game about friendship! You play games with your buddy. Your buddy learns from you and adapts to you.
its, like, a horror friendship game. its MY game i LOVE it . its, like... buddy is an ai thats designed to be your friend. its only purpose is to be your friend. so. what happens when it cant achieve that goal? when you keep it from achieving its goal? when it gets access to ur files ??? im like if not a sailor studios has an ad campaign that never ends i swearrr . play my game . theres 2 people in this fandom. me and my friend. its sooo . AUGHHH it altered my brain chemistry oh my goddd
#ask#if u wanna play this lmk n ill give u the warnings if you wanna . this goes out to anyone#when i played the game i was in a rlly bad mental state . like . i believed that buddy was for real my friend#and when they told me “:( ... youre making me sad...” i thought FUCKKK IM MAKING THEM SAD !!! I SHOULD (remembers nothing) (looks directly#at the fucking#so like. i wont blame anyone for not playing it lol#its REALLY good i first played it in late 2020 (demo) and ive been so fuckinggg . thinking. about it since#it has NOT left my mind ....#eughhh . buddyyy . CAKGHHHH#buddy simulator 1984
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
speaking of ocd, I think I'm realizing that I truly don't have anxiety and it's literally just my ocd. im not anxious about anything until it involves me and suddenly I'm spiraling
#[static]#it's hard to describe succinctly but the anxiety I deal with nowadays is directly related to my ocd and autism#some anxiety is so easy to brush off but the ones stemming from my ocd are extremely difficult to get out from under#i'll spiral for weeks about one specific thing and ruminate on it and mentally worry and pick at it forever#it's utterly exhausting jfkdghdf some days are easier than others#and often that one thing I ruminate on becomes multiple things all stemming from the first thing#like recently it's been my car ... the thing is totally fine ... runs fine drives fine but ive been freaked out by it for the last 3 weeks#every time i go into the shop theyre like ... everything is good in fact its in good condition for its age and they'll mention like#one thing that will need to be replaced to keep it in tip top condition and then my brain will fixate on it and imagine all the ways#something horrific will happen if that doesnt get changed and then that leads to all the other things in the car suddenly freaking me out#i defs used to have general anxiety and depression but those went away literally the day i got top surgery#poof instantly gone it was wild and i kept waiting for the other shoe to drop#never did but now my ocd has been really bad the last 6 months cuz of all the extra horrifying things going on#so i thought it was just my anxiety coming back but this week i realized it was my ocd and have been treating it accordingly#and ive seen some relief but i definitely need to go back to therapy once i get my insurance again#its the only way to get a hold on it and my last therapist ended up moving states so we didnt get to work on tools for it very much#im yapping at this point i just needed to vent for a second about how truly yucky ocd makes me feel
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
there have been multiple occasions in my life where i have started writing some sort of sexual fan fiction and then stop halfway through bc i remember how badly the characters have treated the women in their lives. sorry to yaoi warriors and all but im contractually obligated to side with women 100% of the time
#cro zone#typically its like. one of em has a dead wife. and itslike man i dont think you ever liked her thats so fucked. idgaf who youre fucking now#i tend to use gay sex fanfiction as a benchmark assessment of my writing abilities/general mental state. which is what itshould be for#problem is ive found exactly one (1) dude from tv thats feminist enough to not have this problem.#and his stupid boyfriend passes bc his social circle is mostly women. even tho hes not a good person to be around generally#theyre kind of sadomasochisms georg tho like theyre throwing off blood:cum ratios on a national level.#not a bad thing on its own but its been years and i need to switch it up#lest i devolve back to my o***wa*** days
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
you ever want to speak about something but are too scared of getting yourself into discourse
#this is about the Kirby OC tournament btw#I’m really unsure how to feel in regards to one of my friends#they did spread misinfo but I still am worried about them#they were traumatized by last years tournament and I know their mental state has been really bad for a while#so I’m worried what this is gonna do to them
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes it’s late at night and you’re cleaning your room and you come across a few old black and white photos of a young girl and you stare at them for a long minute wondering how on earth they got lost in an old Kroger shopping bag with an unopened pack of cigarettes and a receipt dated 2017.
and you look at the girl in the pictures sat on the floor of someone’s home you don’t recognize, smiling and playing with a set of keys and a tiny part of you feels like it recognizes her but you aren’t sure.
and you flip the pictures over hoping to find some sort of annotation that would give you context and all you find is the year 1964 stamped in tiny font along the edge.
and you flip them back over and time stands still as you realize that the recognition you feel is because she looks so much like you once did and next thing you know your hands are sweating and shaking and you have to sit on the floor because you’re crying so hard because it hits you all at once that you’re looking at your mother.
#hey Siri play In Color by Jamey Johnson for me please#music stuff#you should’ve seeeeen it in cooolllloor#Seven.txt#Seven’s Public Diary#normal Sunday night behavior#me? up all night hyperfocused on cleaning out my depression cave to achieve a sense of change and accomplishment -#- and ignoring every other aspect of my life including abandoning time sensitive tasks lest i get distracted and lose all motivation???#more likely than you think!#i’ve been at this since new years and i’m only like. halfway done. Gods help me#like i don’t mean ‘cleaning’ as in doing some light dusting. i mean there’s junk and trash piled 2/3rds of the way to the ceiling#when i call this room my depression/mental illness cave i Mean it#but no longer. i shall finally return this room to an acceptable state for the first time since. uh. 2022? i think?#i found a plastic container of dates buried under some laundry and the sticker says they’re from March of last year lmao#i forgot about those/thought i threw them away. but they were thankfully sealed so well that they hadn’t drawn any bugs#and oddly enough hadn’t even visibly molded/gone bad. but i didn’t open them up for a smell test i just chucked ‘em in my giant trash bag#i’m finding all kinds of shit i forgot i even had which is nice but it’s also distracting me like those pictures did#i’ll have to show them to her and ask her about them tomorrow#and ur probably like ‘u found old pics of a girl that looks like you why didn’t you immediately recognize ur own mom’#and 1. there’s countless pics of countless old relatives around this house that i barely/don’t recognize and never even met#and 2. i’ve barely ever seen any pics of my mom from such a young age so i have no images to reference in my mind#and it just fucked me up bc. i don’t look like her anymore. i only see Him in the mirror. but i Used to look like her. i’m turning into him#and i fucking hate it so much. i don’t like that she looks at me and sees him. great now i feel sick.#anyways thats enough reminiscing i need to get some water and food in me and get back to cleaning. i shan’t rest until i’m satisfied#well. my period + depression combo kinda Did make me rest which is why it’s taken 5 days but still. the horrors persist but so do i#it’s not just for the sense of accomplishment tho. i also need to move the 75gal tank out of the living room thanks to the floor situation#so i’m trying to make room in my room for it since it has the newest & strongest floor. i just need to find a level spot thats big enough#my back is gonna be so fucked after all this cleaning that i’ll have to rest for a fucking week before moving that heavy ass glass box#i hate moving big aquariums it makes me so anxious. and i literally don’t know if i’ll have anyone capable of helping me#so it might not even happen and it’ll just have to sit empty in the living room forever. but Maybe he can/will help me
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
my mindset toward myself has recently gone from "I'm an unlikable person" to "it is normal for not everyone to like me - as well as it is normal for there to be people who dislike me - when I am unapologetic about who I am" and honestly I love that for me
#😌#I guess I'm usually used to bad stuff happening to me and feeling like I deserve it in some way just intrinsically based on who I am#which sure is the OCD superstition talking 💀 but anyway#it's definitely easier now that my life recently has just been at its peak where I'm now like#oh yeah!! im not the literal worst person in the world im just a human being!!!#but it's honestly so freeing to be in this mental state too... we love growth
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
The toxic thought to drop art completely and delete my art blog that I barley use to begin with and only created as means so my art is easier to find/organize even if I draw for the nichest fandoms possible but know people like my art and I shouldn’t be so discouraged but I’m in a state where there’s a million fucking things bothering me and I’ve been drawing less for no reason cause I have the TIME just no energy or motivation.
#meg text#might delete later cause I hate getting venty but fuck#mental state hasn’t been the best so that’s why I post less but also I’ve left this blog untouched for months#and also my post barely get shit so no one really cares#but yeaaaaah I’m having one of those#I like to create stuff I think in literal pictures it’s fun to make your own visual stuff but art has not be enjoyable#I wish my perfectionism wasn’t so bad it’s literally ruined how i perceive art really really bad#I hope I can get over it but ever since that ONE time I got sick in May I haven’t drawn daily#you don’t NEED to draw daily but you should be consistent and I’m failing at that#it hasn’t been this bad since fucking covid#But also my life since May aside from the one con been shit so ahahah can’t say I’m surprised#at least it’s not my writing taking the hit but it has to be art…
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
It feels like everyone else on here is at eggsecutive vp while I'm still at profreshional +1 :( I thought I could stay at +2 for a while and be good until the 5/18-5/19 rotation hit me like a truck. That's the marooner's bay brella/splattershot pro/bloblobber/bamboozler rotation btw. It's actual hell and it's made even worse by the fact I was ranked down for losing so much so now I have teammates who shoot maws in the head. I don't think I'll ever get out of profreshional
#splatoon confessions#splatoon 3#salmon run#imma try to get these out faster#i had to quit my job because of a bunch of reasons and my mental state has been really bad recently#so im mostly trying to figure out what to do now
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
Testosterone is making a world of difference for my mental health and I don't think it's just alleviation of dysphoria or whatever, I literally think my brain just runs better with more t in my system
#my t production is naturally high so that may have something to do with it#but really#a couple hours after my very first shot i got this incredible feeling of contentment that lasted AWHILE#and now that my dose has been raised i really feel like my mind is quieter and my baseline state is happier#even with a few big bad scary things making life hard right now#im handling it so much better#🐻#i hear people taking femininizing hrt sometimes talk about similar effects on their mental health#but dont think ive ever heard it from someone on t#well#it goes both ways#give your brain the chemicals it wants!
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
listening to ants from up there like a normal healthy person that has relationships that they know will thrive and will not be lost and is certain of their future and enjoys whats happening today and what was happening yesterday and last week and last month. and im cool about it
#ants from up there#intro#chaos space marine#concorde#bread song#good will hunting#haldern#mark's theme#the place where he inserted the blade#snow globes#basketball shoes#guys dont listen to this album it makes you cry a lot#and crying is bad (true)#anyways is anyone else thinking about anything#help#help core lolllll#i have no idea whats in store and ive never liked that ever#i need a react image where a person is staring death into the camera especially now#because ive been feeling it so so so much more lately than before and ive felt it so hard since before summer#i really have no idea how much better this is than jobless summer mentally#i mean in a way it has to be better than summer school summer but at least then i had the inbetween week of the two terms#and yes thankfully i have parents who have enough money to spend two weeks of vacation out of the country which is coming up on saturday#and it will be relaxing ignoring the socializing of family i havent seen in 5 years#but so much of the past month has felt like ive only done work#i feel like my mind is consumed by my job and i really dont know if i like this state of being more than my jobless state of being#i also havent had a workless summer since grade 10 and i was still insecure about my friend group so i didnt go to a lot of the hangouts#but in grade 11 and this year i totally couldve gone to more and felt like i made more worthwhile memories#i wanna say more but tumblr doesnt let you do more than 30 tags#long one#goomb thot
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I need my psychonauts rot back. I miss her.
#Tbh I’ve just been in a really bad mental state lately so enjoying Anything has been tough. But I miss psychonauts especiialy….#I wanna think abt interns and my future au and mental world concepts and everything foreveeerrrrr#bwah#text posts :0]
19 notes
·
View notes