#my mental health has been deteriorating faster than ever

[whspermy-name]

just really want life to get better

[soapyghostie]

Heyy, can I request Michael Myers (og) where both reader and Michael attended Smiths Grove while they were children? Reader was admitted because of their deteriorating mental health and not good thoughts, but reader managed to befriend Michael and had a good relationship there. But then the reader was forced to leave once they thought they were good to go and unfortunately wasn’t allowed to visit Michael. Fast forward years later, Michael and reader are living together after he broke out of Smiths Grove and are in a romantic relationship and somehow the conversation leads to reader absentmindedly saying something like, “I never had a reason to live before, that is until I met you” before moving onto something else. I don’t know, I though that is really cute

I don’t know how long this ask has been sitting in my inbox, but it’s been sitting in there for a long time. This ask was such a hassle because I couldn’t get any ideas to come into my head and I kept rewriting it over and over again. However, I finally came up with a final product that I actually liked. Hope you enjoy!

Michael Myers

During your time at Smiths Grove, you made an unexpected friend: Michael Myers. It took time and effort to get him to open up around you since he’s very reserved, but eventually you two became inseparable. It confused Dr. Loomis because he always understood Michael as a monster who’s incapable of feeling for others. Yet, here we are. 

You’d often seek him out in moments of distress. You shared your darkest thoughts knowing he wouldn’t judge. His calm presence always gave you a sense of peace. 

You and Michael developed your own form of communication (since Michael unwillingly talks to anyone). You’d give him a lot of notebooks so he could communicate with you by writing. You always ended up having trouble reading his handwriting because it was sloppy and unneat. Therefore, you convinced one of the nurses to get you a sign language book so the two of you could learn to communicate better. It definitely was more effective and efficient than the notebook. 

When you were deemed ‘cured’ and forced to leave, you fought desperately to stay knowing Michael would be all alone. The abrupt separation left a gaping hole in both of your lives, with you constantly wondering about Michael’s fate. Your departure was marked by one final hug with you promising to come visit him. However, they never let you and you never forgot about Michael. 

Years later, when Michael escaped Smiths Grove, his first quest was to find you. It didn’t take him long since Haddonfield is a small town. He saw you walking home as he was driving down one of the neighborhoods. You noticed the slow moving car driving slightly behind you which made you nervous causing you to walk faster. However, Michael kept following you until you reached your house, making a mental note of the location as he watched you go inside while he kept driving. 

A couple days later, he broke into your house unknowingly to you and waited until you noticed his presence. When you first saw him, you were horrified. You screamed when you saw the masked man and scrambled to phone the police. He caught you before you could reach it and held you in his iron grasp until you stopped screaming and flaring around. Once you calmed down, he took his mask off for you to see his face, leaving you in shock to see your long lost friend after so many years.  

Despite the years apart, your bond instantly rekindled, stronger than ever. You welcomed Michael into your home and the rest is history.

You sheltered Michael and helped him adjust to life outside Smiths Grove, teaching him how to navigate the world while keeping a low profile. You also would gently coax him into moments of normalcy, like watching the sunset or reading to him. In return, Michael would fix things around the house, learn to cook simple meals, and ensure that you felt safe.

One evening, as you two sat together on your porch hammock watching the sunset, you absentmindedly confessed, “I never had a reason to live before, that is until I met you.” Michael’s normal stone cold demeanor softened, giving you a light smile. Though he doesn’t respond verbally, he reaches for your hand and holds it, giving it a squeeze. 

Michael’s love for you manifests into a fierce protectiveness. He often lingers close by wherever you are to ensure your safety. You feel safe in Michael’s presence knowing that he’d go great lengths to protect you, creating a sanctuary of love and trust in y’all’s shared home. 

[obsidianflow]

Its sad to me, seeing people of my generation argue with people before us saying that We do want to work, that our generation as a collective does want to work. It hasn't ever accounted for people like me, who are disabled at a young age and dont want to work.

I don't want to work, i truly don't. There is nothing appealing about it to me aside from money, and that is not enough reason to do something that I know will exhaust me and make my mental health significantly worse.

But I'm disabled, I don't want to work because it hurts me. I get that excuse, but that doesn't mean that other people who don't get the excuse should be forced to work either. I don't think anyone should be forced to work if they dont want to.

Maybe its because im disabled, maybe its because im young, maybe its because of all these other reasons, but I don't see anything appealing about working and I don't understand how people can live like that. I don't know why people feel the need to work to "give back" to their society that helped them get to that point, when our society gives us nothing.

You work to show your gratitude but what happens when nothing has been done to give you something worth showing gratitude for. You get neglected and thrown in the dirt your entire life and are expected to show these people that you're grateful to them for teaching you that you are worthless to them unless you work.

Working is unappealing and horrifying to me. I do not feel the need to show gratitude to the person who raised me when the least he did was the bare minimum, while throwing sand in my eyes and poisoning my food my entire life. I do not have gratitude for him putting a roof over my head out of "love" and i do not believe that bullshit lie he only tells me to try and make me not seek out better from him.

I do not feel the need to show gratitude to the people who constantly steal from my people and generation and poison our water and food. I do not feel the need to show gratitude to food companies who put addicting chemicals in our food and actively make our bodies deteriorate faster than ever. I do not feel the need to show gratitude to the people who "keep us safe" by killing us daily and causing all of out issues.

I don't think working is humane. I don't think its right I don't think its good. I think its disgusting and I think that America is one of the worst countries I have ever heard of. There is nothing but maggots in our food that the government swears is healthy while putting chemicals they dont even understand in those maggots. They don't care. They never have.

I don't need to show gratitude to them. They don't see me as a person. They see me as a leech. They think I am less than dirt, I can't even be used to grow anything. They think I am ash that seeds death and destruction when they are the ones burning my livelihood to make their pockets heavier.

They have done nothing but prove to me that they are not worthy of gratitude. They are not worth bowing down and pretending that I can work. They are not worth my effort or time.

But unfortunately this sort of view gets me and others killed. We've seen it en masse in the 2020 protests, in our history, we see it daily. We are constantly forcefed that we must conform or die.

So no, I don't want to work. And I shouldn't have to die over that.

[headcanons-blog]

Hey there! :)

Could I request Headcanons (for Obey Me) with Satan and Lucifer in a relationship with a MC who struggles with their mental health a lot and is too scared/ashamed to ask for help and they don't wanna be a burden so they just keep getting worse.. Like less motivated, self image getying worse, they struggle to sleep at night but sleep during the day then, grades drop etc. How would they react? Would they notice quickly or take a while? And how patient would they be with them?

Very sorry if you're uncomfortable with anything mentioned here! That was never the intention, I just struggle and school is getting on my nerves a lot so I'd appreciate this a lot! :)

Thank you and have a wonderful day <3

//Hi there!! Don't worry, you're fine! Mental health is something I've been struggling with for years, especially lack of motivation... so I know the feeling. Hope you're doing ok and if you ever need to talk you are always welcome to message me! Also, sorry if they're a little OOC... I did my best but this is my first time writing any Obey Me! fanfics.//

tw: mentions of struggling mental health

Lucifer:

Lucifer is usually very perceptive, but you know how it is at The House of Lamentation. He is constantly at his wits' end dealing with Mammon's his brothers' tomfoolery, with the piles and piles of paperwork, and the student council meetings.

The point is, it would probably take him a while to notice how you're feeling. He doesn't mean to neglect you, he is just so busy and so stressed all the time.

The first time he catches on is when you all get your report cards.

He finds you on the verge of tears in your room with the crumpled paper in your hands.

Concerned, he sits next you, gently asking you what's the matter. You hand him the paper, hushed apologies escaping your lips.

It's when he sees your failing grades and the devastated look on your face, he connects the dots. The lack of sleep, the bags under your eyes, the lack of motivation. He's been so busy that he didn't realize how much you needed him. How much you needed help.

He feels so guilty for not being there for you. If only he'd noticed sooner, maybe he could've prevented you from feeling so unhappy.

Lucifer pulls you into a gentle embrace, softly mumbling words of love and apologies into your hair.

Until further notice, he takes time off from work. He has a talk with Diavolo, who is very understanding, and gives him plenty of time away to be with you.

He is very patient with you. He doesn't push you too much but he encourages you to communicate to him about how you're feeling.

He doesn't want you to feel ashamed to open up to him and he constantly reassures you that you are not a burden. That you are beautiful. That you are his everything.

Satan:

Satan would notice your deteriorating mental health a lot faster than Lucifer.

He first notices it when you fall asleep during the day. You're sitting next to eachother in class when he suddenly feels your head fall on his shoulder.

What he would normally see as endearing, he quickly becomes concerned, since you've never fallen asleep in class before. He let's you sleep and writes down notes for you to copy later.

He doesn't bring it up with you right away. He wants to believe you're ok and that you just didn't sleep well the previous night.

The next few days, you fall asleep at breakfast, at class, even on a date with Satan. This makes him extremely worried about your well-being. Everytime he tries to bring it up, you make a vague excuse about insomnia or staying up late to study.

He sits you down somewhere private to address the elephant in the room. He tries to be as patient as possible when you deny that anything is wrong, but being the avatar of wrath, that doesn't come easily for him.

When he's at a loss of what to do, he swallows his pride (badum chhhh) and seeks out Lucifer for advice. He'd never admit it out loud but he's scared. He doesn't want you to push him away.

After talking with Lucifer, he seeks you out and finds you in your room. He finds you standing in front of your mirror, looking so utterly defeated, sobbing uncontrollably.

He gently put his hand on your shoulder to make his presence known. You turn around with a gasp and he pulls you into a gentle hug, one that makes you feel safe and cared for.

Seeing how worried he is, you decide to confess on how you've been feeling and that you were only hiding it because you were ashamed.

He cups your face in his hands, wiping the tears from your eyes, and tells you that there's nothing to be ashamed of and that he loves you with all his heart.

All he wants is for you to be happy and he'll do anything to make it so.

[matan4il]

Hi! First, I just wanted to say thank you for answering all these asks (and being the absolute sweetest while doing so! ily 😭💖)

I was just wondering, has anyone ever mentioned anything about the lil person-shaped magnets on Eddie’s fridge? I’m not saying they mean anything, but I find them so interesting???

Like at the end of 3x11 [Albert’s debut episode], when they have the get-together at Eddie’s, you see there’s more magnets there than usual, and they’re mostly connected (Eddie feels surrounded by those he loves & made a new friend.)

Then in 4x13 when Ana shows Eddie the fake fund-me pages, the magnets are in a circle (This is shortly before Eddie gets shot, which brings the crew together at the hospital; I also noticed that the usual magnets displayed are the red, orange, blue, green, & yellow ones.)

In 5x03 during Eddie and Ana’s breakup, the magnets are no longer in a circle, the blue, yellow, and green are connected, while the red and orange drift off, but are connected to each other. This is also the episode before Chimney leaves to find Maddie (Both Chim leaving and the start of Eddie’s mental health deterioration cause the circle to “break”). In my sad brain, I feel like Bobby, Hen, & Chimney are the blue/yellow/green and Buck & Eddie are the red/orange. Eddie is starting to feel more alone and begins distancing himself from the group, but Buck holds on.

And now, finally, we see that in 5x11, the magnets are gone. There is not one person-shaped magnet to be found on that fridge. And it just happens to coincide with a time when Eddie feels the loneliest??? When he “lost” his family and believes he has no one—despite the fact that both Buck and Bobby desperately want to help.

I really want to see if in the coming episodes, the magnets make a return and signal Eddie’s improving mental health. 💔

Hi lovely! Awwwww, thank YOU so much! ;_; It’s absolutely my pleasure to be answering, and my honor that you’re interested in my replies! I’m just sorry I can’t reply faster. I am dealing with rl medical stuff (including some slightly scary news), work being at its annual peak and it’s also been my mom’s bday this week, plus Passover, so LOTS of stuff happening and taking up all my time. I’m still trying to reply to everyone and take the time to give each person the full consideration and in-depth response everyone deserves, so I hope it’s okay that it might take me a moment... Just know I appreciate you! *HUGS*

I KNOW I had an ask sent to me about the magnet people months ago (I can’t even remember how long ago), but as much as I’ve tried finding it, I’ve failed. Thanks, Tumblr, for the most broken search function EVER. Anyway. I had a screenshots there which showed that the magnet people showed up earlier than people realized and there were more of them than most people noticed, and when it’s all taken into consideration, it does seem like these little magnet people are pretty random in color and order. So my conclusion was that there probably is no significance to them, but that I totally get why there were some specific shots where it looked like there could be meaning there, and also that I totally saw how it was so much fun to speculate about them! I would add that since that ask/the explosion of this theory in fandom, if there is someone from the 911 crew reading the posts here (and it IS possible), this person might have made others on production aware that we fans are making speculations about the magnets, so it’s possible that since that time, they have started moving the magnets around more purposely. So it’s even more legit than before to look at them and try to see if there is meaning behind them. I personally would still not be speculating about them. But I still think that it’s absolutely legit, and more than that, we ARE in fandom to have fun! So if you’re enjoying yourself looking at them and trying to find the meaningful pattern behind them? :D Go for it, I think it’s awesome and I’m happy to hear about it! *cuddles on*

(I got an influx of asks, I WILL answer all of them, but it might take a sec. If anyone wants to check whether I've already answered theirs or to read my replies, here's my ask tag. Thank you! xoxox)

[mellohirust]

This is the worst situation Tommy could be in right now, and it's going to be such a huge setback in what was supposed to be his time to finally feel alive.

Tommy has said before he's claustrophobic. The prison cell is very constrictive, with no way out or even something that could seem like one. He's trapped, and he's made painfully aware of it.

In exile, Tommy said in a letter to Ranboo that he hated lava, stating he was "Lavaphobic". We also know his history with lava in exile, the liquid seeming to induce intrusive thoughts. He's now being forced to spend his time trapped due to a huge amount of it, so much that it's impossible to ever swim through and there's no way to stop the flow of it.

Tommy said that this was supposed to be the last time he visited Dream, that he never wanted to speak to him ever again (unless needed for the resurrection of loved one) and that he was meant to be healing. Instead, he's now forced into a recreation of his own traumatic events, now worse than ever and with even more limitations.

Tommy's stuck in the cell for a maximum of 7 days due to a waiver he signed, and there's no way he could get out of there due to this. Along with the fact that nobody is able to come to his rescue or even visit him, he has no way to keep track of time, due to the fact that the clock on the wall has been burned. There's nothing for Tommy to use to make it seem to go by faster.

Tommy had big plans for the Big Innit Hotel, and now he's going to miss all of them. If anyone visits who got his invitation, he'll miss them. Along with that, the hotel has already seemed to be renovated, the one thing he wanted to have being taken from him like everything else. The thing he had been so excited about, collecting materials for, no longer his because he placed his trust in someone and Dream sabotaged him from inside his cell.

There's a quote that really stuck out to me from Tommy's stream, one that's so important and one that says so much about everything that Dream has put Tommy through throughout the SMP.

Listen, when I'm around you, my brain feels like I'm fucking conditioned to be your friend. But also, when I have a knife, I want to just plunge it into your heart. Man, it's like I- You don't make me a good person! You make me bad, Dream! Alright?

And, now? He's stuck with him. The person who makes him hate himself and his past more than anyone, the person who ruined everything he has ever came to love, the person who time and time again has wanted to do nothing but see him suffer has him wrapped around his finger again.

He's stuck with Dream, and all of the time he had spent healing and recovering means nothing anymore. Dream can still hurt him.

This is all happening because Tommy didn't kill Dream at the finale, due to the fact he could bring back Wilbur. He could bring back someone Tommy lost abruptly, someone who's a brother to him whether it's by blood or not. Tommy, knowing that keeping Dream around would deteriorate his mental health, kept him around anyways because he's the only one who can bring back the dead. He's the only person who can control who lives and who dies. He's the only person that can make sure he doesn't lose those he hasn't lost already.

He was so close to done.

[squishmallow36]

Keeper of the Lost Prepositions - Twenty-two

Word count: 2.4k

Tw: less-than-canon-typical violence

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @ichor-on-my-hands @kamikothe1and0lny @nyxpixels @snowflakewolves @poppinspop @crystallinewalker @uni-seahorse-572 @tiergan-andrin-alenefar @books-over-boys @florida-llama-46 @when-wax-wings-melt @k00laidcrush @bowlcut-boyfriends @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizznee @jamesdeangf

On Ao3 or below the cut!

    I hold up my obscurer, and explain, “This bends light and sound around us, when it’s being used.”

    “Yeah,” Fitz replies.

    I continue, “The things we can perceive as light are the visual wavelengths of the electromagnetic spectrum.”

    “Oh, he’s using big words. It’s gotten serious.”

    “So I should be able to shift the bent wavelengths higher into the x-ray or gamma regions, so it interferes with the radiation, and that should block us from the worst of it. I can see if I can manually turn off the sound interference so that if the visual wavelengths are still bent, we can still be heard. I don’t know if this will in actuality work—“

    Fitz interrupts, “If you think it’s worth a shot, it will probably work.”

    Already dismantling the obscurer, I retort, “What evidence do you have to support that?” 

    “Which of your gadgets haven’t worked?”

    “Most of them before they can be fine tuned—crap.”

    “What?” 

    “I’m shifting the wavelengths higher, so the obscurer’s field of use is becoming smaller to have the same level of coverage.”

    “Oh.” 

    I put the obscurer back together and scoot as close as I am willing to be to Wonderboy so the obscurer can be as effective as possible.

    There are a few moments of silence before I ask, “How long do you think it’ll be before I devolve into conspiracy theories?” 

    Fitz laughs. “Depends. Have you already?” 

    “Not quite yet.”

    “Disappointing.”

    “Yeah, it really is.”

    “There is one thing that is bothering me though. What do you think Alvar meant by figuring out why trolls age backwards?”

    “He used to live with the ogres, right? Not the trolls?” I wonder after thinking for a second. 

    “Yeah. That means it has to be a recent development, right?”

    “That makes sense.”

    “Wait...I think I’m the one with the crazy conspiracy theory this time.”

    “Do tell,” I reply excitedly.

    “You remember how I stuck Alvar in that Troll hive?”

    “Kinda hard to forget.”

    Fitz bobs his head left and right and I literally felt my heart flutter because Wonderboy keeps finding a way to get even cuter.

    Fitz adds, “Alvar’s physical health must have been deteriorating since he escaped, and based on the fact that he set off the destruction of the Goblin Capital by something-something-science —I can’t get it wrong if I don’t try—his mental strength must be growing stronger, no?”

    “Assuming our explanation has enough truth for that to work.”

    “Yeah, but if you think about it, since when has anything with the Neverseen not been insane?”

    “That’s true,” I concede.

    “If all the things we’ve figured out are right enough, well, you did the majority of the work, then it would make sense that the Troll goo is the cause that Alvar was describing.”

    “Building off of that, trolls usually live for what? A couple centuries? So do you think Alvar’s rapid weakening is due to the experiments done in the Troll hive, or because he’s an Elf and so it’s acting faster on his DNA?”

    “Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe a little bit of both.” Fitz sighs. “It’s just...why does Alvar have to be such a bloody dirtbag?”

    It’s then that I realise Fitz’s accent had slowly become more distinct through the course of our conversation, as if he was letting his mental walls come down. And finally truly relax around me for the first time in possibly ever.

    “That is the million luster question, is it not?”

    With that remark, the discussion lapsed into a comfortable silence, leaving me with my own thoughts. That would be tolerable, if my thoughts weren’t a jumbled mess of a thousand tiny observations of Captain Perfectpants. 

    To prevent myself from blushing, I pull out my Imparter to play a game that I downloaded last week. 

    “Do I even want to know what that is or why you have it on your Imparter?” which broke my concentration, so my on-screen avatar, which is just a bouncing ball, died. 

    “You want a turn? You just spin the post and try to not hit the wedges that are a different colour than the first platform,” I said, offering it to Fitz. 

    “Maybe you should consider saving your battery. Yours does a whole bunch more than mine.”

    “Why? It’s solar powered—“ I cut myself off when I look up into the sky.

    “Oh. You’re probably right.” I turn off my Imparter and leave it on the ground next to me. 

    “Do you wanna do some cognate exercises to pass the time, then?” Fitz suggests. 

    Nope. Nope. Nope. Not in a million years.

    “Oh. Wow. I didn’t know you could get even paler. I guess that means no.”

    “I’m not even gonna comment on that. But I have one condition. You stay out of my head.” 

    “I can do that. There are a lot of things my mental filter would rather catch too.” Fitz replies. 

    You have no freaking idea. 

    “Since you suggested this, you should be aware that you’re going first.”

    “Hm. Oh, I forgot about that. Like three-ish years ago, shortly after the Great Gulon Incident, Keefe tried to dye my hair pink in a prank, and the only reason I can use the word ‘tried’ is because for some reason when he laced whatever it was with the elixir, it didn’t work. But that didn’t exactly stop Biana from reminding me about it constantly until the Chandelier Incident.”

    I blush slightly and admit, “I think that was actually my doing. Keefe was banned from the store after the Great Gulon Incident, so you and Biana came in and I gave you two what I could from my personal stashes so my Dad wouldn’t know. I didn’t have everything he wanted and Dad found out anyway so I gave Keefe some fake bottles.”

    “I would like to give you a massively overdue thank you, then. It would have been significantly worse than having pink hair for a week.”

    “No thanks necessary. But just for any and all future references, the one Keefe ordered back then was two weeks minimum,” I say. 

    “Ah. That doesn’t sound fun.”

    “That reminds me of when my Dad accidentally turned his hair green when trying to invent a new elixir. It was like that for nearly a month until it finally wore off.”

    “That sounds like it was great fun for the triplets.”

    “That was a few years ago but I’m sure if it happened today, Bex would totally be the queen of the insults.”

    “Quick question. How can you tell the triplets apart? Asking for a friend.”

    I smile lightly. “It’s nice that you’re friends with yourself.” 

    Fitz blushes at that, which is a really bad idea, because I become very aware of how hot my face is. 

    I continue, “Bex is the girl, so usually has the longest hair, and if one of them is insulting you, it’s most likely she. Lex and Rex have asynchronous growth spurts, so one is usually taller than the other, but it really depends on when. I think it’s Rex right now. I’ve learned the subtle differences between them like the different patterns of freckles or slightly different eye colours, but that’s not something I can teach in a few words without pointing out the differences between them while they’re standing still next to each other, which is not the most common occurrence.” 

    I pause to take a breath, having thought of another way to tell them apart, and not even caring anymore.

   “There’s one more recent difference, which is that ever since Bex and Lex manifested, Rex has been hiding in his room more and more often,” I finish.

    “Do you think he might be…?”

    I close my eyes. “I don’t...I don’t want to think about that. I mean, today, I showed him a few Technopathy things and he literally asked me if I thought he could fake being a Technopath. That’s exactly how Timkin was banished. I can’t, I just...I can’t let that happen to my brother.”

    “Look. I understand. If that was Biana—.”

    I interrupt, “Let me stop you right there. If you think the council would ever banish a Vacker—.”

    “They banished us both, remember?”

    Counting on my fingers, I say, “That’s ‘cause you ran away from the Lost Cities, joined an illegal organisation, and tried to break a prisoner out of Exile.”

    “That might be fair.”

    “Do you have any idea whose turn it is anyway?”

    “No clue.”

    “I’ll go. I haven’t officially gone. And I already made you go first.”

    “I’m not going to argue with that.” Wonderboy replies.

    “I think most of the reason why I hated you back in the pre-Sophie days is because I wanted to be a Vacker. I think you can see the appeal. I was convinced you and your family were perfect angels that everyone loves, and well, I was jealous.”

    Fitz asks, “Most?” 

    Steaming sasquatch poop I really need to be so much more careful about not clueing him into the fact that I have a huge crush on him.

    “Well, you did ignore me for the longest time. Don’t apologize. We’re both different people now. And I believe it’s your turn once more.”

    “Because we’ve already trudged into the realm of ‘probably too personal but who even gives a crap anymore?’ I just want to say that I’m sorry for being an idiot and you know when I fell asleep at your house. I had a dream where I did badly at the Foxfire final exams and I just overreacted and you were making me realise that I was being a sensitive, perfectionist piece of Alicorn poop in said dream and then I woke up and you were there and yeah.”

    My Imparter buzzes, saving me from having to formulate a response.

    Amy sends me a message, saying, Hey u watched cnn 10 in social studies today & theres a spike in radioactivity in like peru so like did u do anything to cause dat

    Thinking out loud, I say, “Sorry to change the subject, but Guildingham is somewhere in the Andes Mountains, right? Which are partially located in the human country of Peru. I’m willing to bet the humans are picking up on this.” 

    Fitz asks, “How did it get through? I mean, I haven’t heard a building fall in a while, and the sky is starting to clear, but I still wouldn’t leap through this.”

    “Sending a single message is simpler than trying to send a person,” I answer.

    “It looks distorted. Is that because of the debris?” 

    “I’m honestly surprised you can read English. It might be that or the fact that she has a complete and total disregard for the rules of grammar.”

    “Do you think we can send a message back?” Fitz wonders. 

    “I don’t see why not.” I start typing, Fitz leaning over to be able to read what I am writing, close enough that I could either feel his breath on my arm, making my hair stand on end, or I imagined that I could. Not sure which would be worse. 

    Hi Amy! Fitzy and I tracked down Alvar and he kind of set off a nuclear decay chain in the Goblin Capital. 

    “Who do you want to inform that we’re just a little bit stuck here?”

    “I mean, I didn’t expect this to be my first instinct, and Sophie’s probably busy, but she could teleport us out of here.”

    “Worth a shot.”

    Could you hail Sophie and let her know that we’re maybe a little bit stuck here in Guildingham? That would be greatly appreciated! 

    I stop and ask, “You good with that?”

    “Honestly, I can only read like half of it but sure.”

    I send the message to Amy and tell Fitz, “It might be a few minutes before it gets through.” 

    Only a few minutes later, a crack of thunder rolls across the city.

    Fitz murmurs, “Do you think that was another building or Sophie?”

    I shrug in response, and Fitz stands up, noticeably avoiding putting weight on his left leg. 

    I see Fitz visibly flinch, presumably connecting with Sophie telepathically. 

    After a short probably-conversation, I can also see Sophie shakily levitating over to us. 

    “What did you two do?” Sophie almost screeches as soon as she sees Fitz and me. 

    Fitz responds, “Tracked down Alvar. He’s around here somewhere.”

    Sophie turns to me and scolds, “I thought you were the responsible one!”

   “I wouldn’t have called myself that,” I reply with a half-shrug. 

   “You two are going to Elwin, no questions. Do you realise how dangerous this place is? Amy said the humans can detect as much as getting five x-rays a minute! I’m sure that’s only a small fraction of the total radiation!”

    I turn off the obscurer, not bothering to explain what I tried to do with it and start packing up my gadgets strewn on the ground into my discarded jacket. 

    Fitz offers his hand to help me stand up, which I take without thinking. Bad idea. Very bad idea. 

    I can’t help but notice how soft his skin is. Does he use hand lotion? Or is it natural? Do I want to know?

    Unsurprisingly, it comes to my attention that I am blushing once again. 

    Sophie starts dragging Fitz and me into the air, and I attempt to help, but I’m not the greatest at levitation. 

    “I thought you didn’t have to fall anymore,” I whisper.

    “But I have to run, and I can’t exactly do that here.” 

    As Sophie tells Fitz to drop us, I squeeze my eyes shut, and before I’m splattered on the ground, I hear the telltale crack of thunder, plunging into the void. 

    We’re spit out in the Healing Centre, and I watch Sophie knock on Elwin’s office door. 

    “Hey Elwin!” she says as he opens it.

    “Hi Sophie, I wasn’t expecting you. What d’ya need?” 

    Sophie responds, “All I’m going to say is that when you tell Mr. Forkle about this, it wasn’t my idea,” before stepping aside.

    Elwin’s gaze fell upon Fitz and me, and I wave shyly. 

    Sophie holds up her Home Crystal, saying, “Have fun! Hail me later because I’m going to go find Alvar and your Goblins that are royally pissed right now.”

    “And Ruy,” Fitz adds, “He was with Alvar too.”

    Elwin already is snapping spheres of light around Fitz and me, murmuring “I don’t even want to know what you did to cause all this cell damage,” and does not look pleased that Sophie is leaping back there, but at this point he knows her well enough to know that stopping her isn’t an option. 

[boingotlo]

What does it feel like to be depressed she asked ?

I answered, well “there are many different answers to such a question based on what caused the depression.

but depression is a chemical imbalance. “A chemical imbalance in the brain is said to occur when the brain has either excessive or insufficient chemicals, called neurotransmitters.”

it happens when you’ve lost something you can never regain. maybe someone close to you, maybe something valuable to you... you become sad and never heal from what you’re going through. you start to deteriorate from the inside as you fall apart faster than you can put the pieces back together , you start to doubt if they’ll ever fit... you become very vulnerable to yourself.

sometimes you even become suicidal because you just don’t ever want to feel so worthless again.

it’s a feeling of drowning in your own emotions daily and knowing that you can’t swim even if you wanted to. you’re helpless and all you can do is feel until you can no longer feel it anymore, that’s when you become numb to the pain... you start to feel like you’ve seen it all before and eventually you might start to heal but you can never be the person you were before the pain, you know how it all changed you... they say we carry the lessons.

and it’s worse when you have to cry yourself to sleep every night because this feeling of emptiness doesn’t seem to fade away and you’ve been feeling this way for so long that you don’t know how you’d sleep if you felt any different... it’s worse when you don’t know how to make it fade away and now you have anxiety because you’re constantly worried about things you have completely no control over . lol , it’s even worse when you know you will have a mental breakdown when you’re not on your medication because the pills you’re on are the only piece of thread that’s been keeping all the pieces in you together... knowing that you just need one trigger and you’ll be back. drowning in your own emotions.

and yeah , why don’t you speak? how many times will we speak? if you don’t understand my actions then my words should mean nothing. having good mental health is one of thee most underrated human ethics every child should’ve been taught before anything. i could go on and on and on but i hope you understand and if you don’t , allow me to...”

[fortheloveoffanfic]

Heaven, Hell and You

John Constantine x OFC (Valerie Moore) (A/n- been working on this for a while so please be gentle. Should run for approx. 10 chapters)

Warnings- Violence, mentions of mental health.

Masterlist     *masterlist for this series coming later.

Chapter 1

He could feel the dread in his bones, and being caught in the middle of a war that no one had prepared for was turning out to be unlike anything he’d ever experienced. He supposed it had been a long time coming though; the  whispers had long started growing louder and the things lurking in the shadows had slowly found their way to light; growing bolder by the day. Angels and demons alike. Most of the time, they looked so human, it was hard to tell, but John could see, he could always see. He could see then too.

“She’s mine,” the disfigured creature hissed, its face half deteriorated, looking sickeningly decayed. It’s clothes were tattered form the battle that had, for a reason that he couldn't distinguish, been put on hold and the half breed seemed almost broken in the back, hunched over and possibly minutes away from returning from where it had come. Still though, it was willing to put up a fight, and even if it had perished, by his, or anyone else’s hand, John knew more would come, hell seemed to be spitting them out by the dozens by then.

“Yours?” An angel, one he wasn’t readily familiar with, chuckled wearily, flexing her wings as a show of unwavering strength, brandishing her blood stained sword offensively, so close to the demon’s face that it had to step back to evade an ending slice, “Can’t you see? She doesn’t belong with filth like you, her home is with us. Surrender now and I might be obliged to let you and the rest of your army live.” The angel, clad in her ruined garment seemed more willing to fight, more able too, than her demonic opponent, and already, John could tell that soon, they’d be at it again.

The funny thing was, John thought as he spectated, was that he couldn’t really tell where he stood, mentally or physically. Instead, he felt like an inactive participant, observing the destroyed streets of downtown Los Angeles from a window or television screen. No voice, no ability to impact the outcomes, not even visible. Though, he could hear and see perfectly, right from where he was, wherever that may be.

“Never,” the bitter conversation in the distance carried on as if he weren't even there, “She’s ours, her mother is one of us,” the demon reared back again when the angel took another swipe at it, its steps barely evading what was left of a hellish corpse. For the briefest second, John took his eyes off the exchange, drinking in his surroundings, his mouth falling open as he finally realized the devastation. It was as if heaven and hell had faced a gory collision, right there on earth. Corpses laid strewn on the streets and sidewalks, broken wings behind perished angels, mangled bodies of dead demons, and worst of all, dozens of humans, all caught in the crossfire, now gone, committed to either eternal plane all because they’d been collateral damage. The sweltering air was thick with the stench of charred flesh and pungent sulfur, turning his stomach. Smoke from burning buildings gave the atmosphere a hazy tint while the remaining flames lapped at the starless, moonless sky, almost begging for mercy from a god that wasn’t going to give it.

God was a kid with an ant farm, and now, the ant farm was burning and he couldn’t give a shit.

The angel chuckled, a slight breeze blowing her auburn locks forward as she shook her head, “And her father is of us. She is more him than her wretched mother,” she spat, as if the words had left the foulest taste on her divine tongue. 

The demon’s laugh was reminiscent of a hacking cough, “Of you?” Cracking it’s neck and shrugging shoulders, John could tell that hell wasn’t about to toss in the towel that soon, “Her father should have become a fallen, but I suppose that being daddy’s favorite has always had its perks. But it doesn’t matter, he forsook her, left her for dead. And it would be in your favor to forsake the girl too.”

There was no use in trying to work out who the subject of their conversation, because John didn’t have the slightest clue. Just then though, a voice caught his attention from behind a pile of rubble, small and shaking with fear, “Help me,” she sobbed softly, causing him to turn, only just realizing that he too was caught in the disrepair. Tilting his head, John turned fully, bending slightly to get a better look of her. She was young and he could tell that beneath the blood and soot streaking her face and matting her dark hair, she was beautiful. Full lips quivered as she continued, and the lower one still shone with fresh blood from a nasty split, “Please help me,” tears joined the mess on her cheeks, and in an instant, John was hurrying to her side, melting at her helplessness.

“They’re looking for you?” he held her at the shoulders, her torn blouse allowing him to feel the softness of her milky skin, so silky and warm. He’d never seen beauty like hers, so ethereal, though with a darkness in her eyes that may suggest that there was more than what met the eyes. 

Nodding, her breath hitched and she sniffled, “But I don’t know why. Please help me,” when a set of footsteps drew closer to where they were hiding, the young woman grabbed John’s biceps, her nails digging into the white fabric of his dress shirt, “Please-”

A boney, yellowish hand with mangled fingers reached out, grabbing the nameless woman by the back of her torn blouse, hosting her up like she weighed nothing. On instinct, John reached out for her flailing hands, hoping to tug her back to him and buy her, at the very least, a few more minutes. Barely, he caught the tips of her fingers, feeling her nails graze his palms, but none of it lasted too long, and soon, she was tucked hastily to a demon’s chest, wails escaping her plump, pink lips, “No!” She screamed, still reaching out for him.

John awoke with a startle, shooting up in the darkness, hair stuck to his face and chest dominated with heavy breaths. For a minute, he’d thought he was still with the girl, and with a yell, he lunged forward, hoping to grab her, but when he was met with nothing but air, John realized his true surroundings. He was at home, in his bed, tangled in the thin sheets and all alone.

Drenched and frenzied, John lingered there for a minute more before shoving the covers off his legs and shuffling out of bed, headed for the kitchen, barely noting that he’d perspired through the sheets. He knew the loft by heart, and in no time, after expertly evading pieces of his rickety furniture, he was at the kitchen sink, grabbing a glass off the counter and filling it with tap water before downing the entire thing in one go. Before that, his mouth had felt as if he’d just spat out a fistful of cotton, dry and uncomfortable, and as John refilled the glass, he tried to push the memories of his all to vivid dream away.

He’d been having it so often, or at least, ones like it. The city was always in ruins, there was always a war between hell and heaven, and the final common variable was the girl. The gorgeous girl whose name John didn’t know. In every version, she’d clung to him for dear life, and in every version, he’d failed her, always left helpless as she was claimed by one side or the other. Angie, when he’d mentioned it once, had told him that he should probably see a therapist or something, that the dreams were probably just a manifestation of his guilt now that he was trying to turn his life around. But what the hell did she know?

Of course, John didn’t have the slightest clue on what to make of the dreams, but he did know two things for sure; he didn’t need a therapist and he should probably stop drinking before bed.

“Valerie…..”

“Huh?” She turned, looking up the dim corridor, trying to suppress the frightened shiver that had run up her spine upon seeing that there was no one behind her. “Okay Val, you’re just hearing things. There’s nothing there,” her whispered reassurances did nothing to comfort her, and as Valerie neared the elevator,  her quick walk turned into a full on jog. 

She always hated working that late, but it wasn’t an occurrence she could avoid anyway, especially when her bills were continuously piling higher, her debt sinking her deeper and the only way out of it was by taking on extra shifts when she could get them. Breathlessly, Valerie slipped into the elevator, pretending that she didn’t notice the eerie flickering of the hall lights just as the fading doors hummed closed. Hastily, she hit the knob that would take her to the underground parking lot, hoping the ride down would go by faster than usual. At least when she got home, she’d know for sure that she was the only one there and that the only creepy voice taunting her, was the one in her head. 

Or, so she thought. 

Finally, when the doors opened, with her keys already in hand, she started the trek to her car, hoping to put the hospital in her rearview as soon as possible. That was when she heard it again, “Valerie……” It had been louder that time, and by then, she was absolutely sure that there was someone calling her name.

“Who’s there?” She turned abruptly, brown strands escaped from her loose ponytail whipping her in the face. Reaching into her tote, Valerie felt around for the canister of pepper spray that her very paranoid father had gifted her a couple months prior. Though, with the way things were going, she was starting to understand exactly why he was always so concerned for her safety. “I know someone’s here,” she desperately tried to steady her voice, “I swear to god, if you pull something, I’ll kick your ass.”

In actuality, she probably could not kick their ass, but they didn’t need to know that.

“My sweet Daeva,” a female voice taunted, that time offering more than than the others usually did, though Valerie wasn’t quite sure she’d heard it right. It was almost as if the words were blowing past her ear, far too quickly for her to really pick them up, “It’s time to come home.”

Gulping and having decided that pepper spray might not be enough to ward off potential kidnappers, Valerie took off, feet hitting the floor hard with each step as she ran towards her car, parked all the way on the opposing side. Her lungs burnt more than it had in awhile, and even as she moved clumsily, she scoured for the right key, singling it out just in the nick of time. 

Getting in, she turned the key in the ignition, grateful that it started without trouble and quickly pulling out of the spot. With her foot heavy on the gas, Valerie broke out onto the deserted side street, droplets from the night’s heavy drizzle pattering against her windshield, running down the front, occasionally swept to the side by the wipers. The streets were almost barren, as a consequence of it being past two am, and even worse yet, because of the rain that had poured heavily on and off throughout the day. 

Her eyes were heavy, two twelve hour shifts weighing them down, and as Valerie continued driving and the adrenaline from the parking lot wore off, it was a fight to keep them open. Just about twenty minutes longer. The windows were up, the air conditioning humming loudly, joining the soft rumbling of her engine as she pressed forward. Sighing deeply, taking note of the lights ahead, Valerie shook her head vigorously, hoping to ward off sleep, though, it only worked for a couple seconds, and before she knew it, her lids were drooping closed again, lashes tangling and skewing her vision.

Maybe a minute wouldn’t kill her, she was almost home anyway.

“Valerie!” A voice far different from the ones before yelled her name, making her eyes snap open, just in time for her to slightly lift her foot only to slam it on the brakes, bringing her car to a screeching halt. 

“Fuck!” She breathed heavily; she’d almost ran a red light…..and hit a person! Right there, in front of her car, stood a man, dressed all in white, like a hospital warden or something similar, not looking scared, startled or dazed in the slightest, not even jumping like she had when right after, a three ton sped noisily across the intersection. Had he not been there and she’d run the lights, it might have killed her. The man still stood rigid, merely an inch away from the hood of her car. She’s almost hit someone, possibly almost killed him. “Oh my god,” she fought a sob, shifting the gear into park, only bending her head to shut the engine off before getting out to check on her almost victim. Though, when she raised her head again, much to her dismay, he was gone. Not off to the side or across the street, he was just gone, like he’d vanished in thin air. 

From the safety of her car, she spent not more than a second looking around and afterwards, Valerie quickly got the vehicle started again, choosing to count the ordeal as a rare stroke of luck, and hoping to get home, hopefully without any other mishap. 

Little did she know, the trouble was only just beginning. 

******

Tagging- @harrisongslimited @magnificentclodpiebanana @keandrews @greenmanalishi  @rdjloverxxx @danceoftwowolves  @planetkt @wheretheriversrunintothesea  @luxx-aeterna​

[chimswae]

BTS Caretaker CH33

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 3,595

- Author Note: There is a small text exchange between Seul and Jin in this chapter, so i put the text up.

Previous | Next

Chapter 33

“Seul, what is the matter? Why with the sudden notice?” Wongeun placed the letter down on his lap, expelling a long sigh. Once again hesitation ripped off the confidence that she had earlier. She had given this into a thought, even Jin would give her a call without fail despite not being there physically by her side. Ever since her encounter with Mr Kwon, she had never seen him lingered around the shop. God knows, when he decided to make his appearance again.

Wongeun snapped his fingers to bring back her attention to him “Am I talking to wall? Is there something that I must know? You are a little off these days” Seul smiled meekly adding to his suspicion.

“It is nothing. I think mother needs me by her side. Her health is deteriorating, it is best to pay more attention on her” she lied. It was an established fact that she quit after finding out the truth about Mr Kwon.

She needed to- no, she must stay away from him as far as possible.

“Seul.. if this is about your mother, you know we can help you. You don’t have to resign” he reasoned.

“Oppa, I think it is about time to focus on something that is more important in my life. I have nothing against this place, hell I have been working for two years with you. It is not easy for me too, but I hope you understand” her cold lips emitted a heavy sigh. She looked at him sadly “Please?” Wongeun leaned back in his seat.

He was morose and kept his mouth shut making her anxious for no reason. “It is hard to let you go Seul. You are a good employee and a good friend of mine. Just so you know, the door is opened for you anytime. Hit me up, and you can get that apron of yours back” he lightens up the mood earning a small chuckle from the girl.

“Thank you oppa, I know I can trust you with this. Don’t worry I will come to visit once in awhile to check on you guys” Wongeun said quickly “And to buy a box brownies” she laughed softly.

“Yes, a box of brownies. I will never forget you, for all the things that you did for me. So, thank you again” Wongeun shook his head and eyed the girl closely. “Don’t sound like we are not meeting each other anymore. Seul just don’t-“ a voice spread across the room, pausing the conversation that they had.

“It is stated in the contract; all employee must give two months’ notice before resigning”

That voice again. Seul’s breath hitched when his eyes laid on her, scrutinizing her from head to toes.

Why is he here? She mentally groaned in dissatisfaction.

Surprised by their manager sudden appearance, Wongeun stood up almost immediately and bowed politely “ Sir, I didn’t know you will be coming today” he murmured while giving an eye signal to Seul demanding her to greet the important person in front of them.

She rose from her feet with so much reluctance didn’t want to appear suspicious, so she gave the old man a little bow without sparing any look at him.

Dressed in navy blue suit, he had round dark shades to cover that two pair of evil eyes which she hated the most. Not long after, he took off his shades, keeping it inside his pocket with an unreadable expression “ Miss Ji, your resignation letter is invalid. I will not accept it. Draft a new one as an advance notice, you may leave the job in two months” his voice was mocking her, to flaunt his power that he had on her.

Seul’s jaw tightened, letting the anger sipping in “I don’t remember having that kind of terms in the contract?” she snapped.

A mischievous smirk spread across his face “ Keep the job for two more months or pay the penalty, your call” Wongeun blinked confusedly sensing the tension in the air as though these two were playing with fire, getting ready to throw it at each other.

“I will pay the penalty fees” said Seul confidently.

“I reckon you can afford those fees. It may cost you fortune. I suggest the first option anyway” the tone of his voice was so snobbish making her fuming in anger. She pondered upon this matter again. If she insists on quitting the job and pay the penalties, where to find the money?

As much as she wanted to seek help from Jin, that sounded impossible. This would only make her to appear like a gold digger. She was not that desperate.

She couldn’t believe it with her ears that after so many years, he still had the audacity to pull such threat on her. This simply means she had to put up with him for two more months before freed herself from this evil lair. How was it possible to survive that?

“Miss Ji, I am waiting” he tapped his finger on his branded wrist watch.

“Fine, I will hand in the new notice tomorrow” Wongeun sent her an apologetic glance considering he didn’t have much say in this. He too didn’t understand why Mr Kwon seemed so interested in this business recently. All these years, he never showed up and would contact Wongeun occasionally through phone call.

Something is fishy, he thought.

“Good. Enjoy your last two months here, you never know what awaits you” those last sentences sent chill down her spin. You never know what awaits you, it rung inside her head in loop. She couldn’t simply forget it just because it came from the nastiest human being alive, Evil Kwon.

Without wasting any more seconds to breathe the same dirty air as his, Seul excused herself to tend her job. Wongeun watched her back leaving the scene with a heavy heart. There were unanswered questions inside his head that need to be answered soon.

Satisfied with his successful plan in keeping the girl under his radar, he was ready to leave. “I want her letter by hand and she must submit it to me personally. Tell her to come to my house tomorrow, I will be working from home” he ordered.

Wongeun nodded, trying to be optimist since the older man made Seul to submit her notice all way to his house without any solid reason. How odd was that?

 ------------------

Two more days till home. Just two freaking days, then he could recharge back the energy in him. He already missed his odeng and eomuk though, for the time being Seul would be keeping those two cuties with her during his absence.

Jin decided to laze around a bit considering the practice for their concert tomorrow had taken almost 13 hours of his time straight without break. He plopped himself on the comfy king-sized hotel bed and expelling a tired sigh. Massaging his aching shoulder, he released another loud grunt not liking the pain that took over his body.

His roommates, Jungkook and Namjoon were out to get food with Jimin. As soon as they reached their hotel, he went straight to his room without wasting more time outside. Jin prioritized his sleeps more than anything. He fished out his phone from his pocket and decided to text Seul again.

He bit his lower lips muffling the small chuckle from his mouth. Nowadays, the mere thought of Seul became the source of strength in him. Even though this feeling that he had for her started way back then, but he’s too afraid to admit it.

Someone needs a love counselling session.

Joyfully, his fingers moved swiftly against the screen and typed a quick hi to Seul.

Damn, why is he like this?

   Seul was reading his last message and her eyes flew open in surprised to see his name appeared on the screen. Jin’s quick reflex was no joke, he acted as if Seul was at the brink of death. Giving Seul no time to process, Jin bombarded her with questions which almost knocked her sense out from her body.

“Where are you meeting him? With who??

“Are you by any chance alone?”

“Don’t tell me your best friend refuse to follow you there!”

“Seul don’t go! It is dangerous! The last time you’re breathing in the same room as his, he almost ripped your dress apart. Goodness woman!”

“Geez Kim Seokjin. One at a time. Your words fly faster than bullets. I am alone, no, Hwasa is working. She can’t ditch her job because there’s only her and Sera working this shift. And, about the first question, I am heading to his home” Seul swore to god Jin’s high pitch yell could be heard miles away. This was the exact reason she didn’t want to tell him about her plan meeting the old man alone. Jin would react this way.

“YAH ARE YOU INSANE? DID YOU JUST OFFER YOURSELF TO THE EVIL MAN VOLUNTARILY? ABORT MISSION. RETURN. HOME. NOW!” he yelled angrily through the speaker earning a soft hiss from the latter.

“Are you mad?”

“No. I am so happy that you are now on your way meeting Mr Kwon, what a beautiful reunion!” his sarcastic remark sounded so Min Suga. When she thought about it again, they must be spending too much times together as a roommate.

Seul snorted “I know but like I have a choice. I just need to submit this and once this reach him, I will leave immediately. I will take care of myself Jin” her voice softened at the end. Her heart skipped weirdly at the attention that he showed to her, like when he sounded so protective over her it drove her wild heart to edge.

“I know you can take care of yourself, but I don’t trust him Seul. Think about this again? His threat is empty, about the penalty fees I can help-“ she blurted quickly before Jin could say more.

“I don’t want you to help me. This is an issue that I can solve by my own. I only need your morale support and I don’t need your money. Jin, I can handle him. I will contact you as soon as I am out from his house alright?” for some reason her assurance did not sound tempting to him at all. Jin didn’t feel good about this.

The end of the line fell into dead silence worrying the timid girl. Angry Jin was not pretty, and she knew it would lead to more harm than good. “Jin..” she called him out softly meting his heart.

Aish, how can I stay mad at you, woman. Jin rolled his eyes in annoyance.

“Under one condition, don’t hang up on me until I make sure he won’t do something inappropriate to you” she frowned and stopped in front of the beautiful bungalow house. For a second, the size of the house took her breath away but realizing who’s the owner of this property, she cringed in disgust.

“That is impossible. International call is expensive Kim Seokjin, are you mad?”

“I can afford that, just listen to me, will you?! Stop being so stubborn!” Seul sighed and glanced at her phone screen before pressing it back near her ears.

“Look, my battery barely survives this phone call Jin. I will call you as soon as I am done, it wont take long. If I didn’t get back in 15 minutes, you can reach Hoon and tell him my whereabouts” she suggested to ensure Jin wouldn’t make fuss over this again.

Jin paused for a second before responded “15 minutes is too long! Why do you need 15 minutes when you can just leave the letter at his doorstep and leave immediately?” as expected from Jin, he wouldn’t take things lightly.

“Every step that I take is more than one second you moron. To add to those delay is my hesitation, can you just spare my life for 15 minutes and reconsider my offer. Gosh, you are impossible!” she exclaimed.

“Ji Seul, I don’t like what you are doing” he scowled.

Seul rubbed her head, with a small sigh “Do you trust me?”

“I always trust you but not now. It is not a good idea, you still have time to change your mind and take off from there. I..just that- I am not there for you Seul. I don’t want anything happen to you” low murmurs could be heard clearly and Seul found herself smiling shyly. This different side of Jin always make her looking forward to spend more time with him in the future.

“I promise, I will be back in 15 minutes without scratch, can you wait for me till then?” she bit her lower lips nervously. Did she sound like she’s flirting with him? Why was she worried over her choices of words and tone of voice? This is sickening.

Jin finally gave in and nodded “15 minutes not more. If you don’t give me a call within that time, I am calling cops”

“Hoon” she corrected.

“Hoon has no gun, cops have one”

Seul whined “You are not calling the cops! I forbid you in doing so, just call Hoon” he chuckled softly picturing Seul’s pout in his head.

“Fine, Hoon”

“I have to go, I will be back in 15 minutes max alright?” she hung up without bidding a goodbye and annoyed the hell out of him. He glanced at the clock in fear, 15 minutes from now Seul must be out safely from that home.

Or else, Jin..

 --------------------

Entering the luxurious lavish home, her eyes scanned the interior admiring it along her way. The maid brought her to another wing of the house which she assumed where his office would be. Taking a deep breath, she dragged her heavy legs entering the office and not to forget thanking the maid before the woman disappeared from her sight.

“You made it” the old man tore his gaze from the pile of document in front of him to Seul. She wished how earth could just swallow her right now rather than being in the same room as his. Seul mustered her courage and approached the wooden table slowly, “I am here to submit my letter as you requested” placing the letter on the table, she took a step back.

“I will get going now” she mentally screamed to quickly exit the suffocating room and normalize her breathing. Mr Kwon smug, taking his time to say this one thing that could stop her from walking away through that door.

She reached for the door knob and before she could open the door, Seul heard him chucked lowly “I know what you are looking for. It is your biological father, right? What if…” he stood up from his leather swivel chair, walking stealthily towards Seul.

Her brows flinched as he continued “What if, I know who your real father is?” he minimized the gap between them.

Seul’s eyes shot open realizing what this man tried to offer her, “Wh-at… nonsense is that…” her eyes threw daggers as she backed away, pressing her back against the cold door. The older man cackled in delight watching how much power he had on Seul.

“Not nonsense, but I do know where to find your real father”

“I don’t trust you”

“Really? Did your mother ever tell you about your real father?” he brought his face closer to her, teasing the girl in process. Her lower lips quivered in fear “I know… he is one my father’s best friend” she held back her tears from hitting the ground.

He nodded “True, but have you seen any photo of him?”

“Why does it matter?!” she snapped.

“You have such a loud mouth, it could be used for better thing in the future” he rubbed his thumb over her lips only to be slapped away by Seul harshly. “Don’t touch me” she gritted her teeth in anger, feeling offended by his sexual remarks.

“Alright, I won’t touch you. But that won’t change the fact that I know where to find your real father” he tilted his head studying her expression. It was a mixture of pain and anger. “Your dad is closer than you think” he whispered in her ears.

Seul shook her head frantically “I will never listen to a bastard like you, stay the hell away from me” Mr Kwon let out a sarcastic laugh.

“Stay the hell away from you? Even blood can’t tear us apart Seul” he snorted. “I will spare you for now but remember, my arms always open for you in case you need me” he twisted the door knob, opening the door for her.

With one final glance, she scurried off the room using the last ounce of strength in her body afraid that the bipolar man might change his mind in the middle and decided to lock her up or kidnap her. Once she felt the cold wind hit her skin, she was relieved to survive the battle with demon inside.

Thinking about his words earlier, could it be true that he knew who’s his father. Hence, there was a chance for her to find him. She realized it was too early to put a trust on his word especially it came from Mr Kwon.

Seul still had her mother, she is the key to every questionable thing in her life.

If she could dig it from her mother, then she didn’t need Mr Kwon’s help. He wouldn’t do it for free, there’s always be an exchange of something every time people seal a deal with him.

Her loud ringtone brought her out of her trance, and she answered without even bother to look at the caller id “Seul! Thank god you are alive. Have you met him? Did he do something? Are you okay?” his panic voice rose from one octave to another.

“Nothing happen so can you calm down? Save your voice for tomorrow’s concert. I delivered the letter and leave before he could say anything” it was not the perfect time to tell Jin about the things in relation to her father. She would tell him when she’s sure Kwon’s words were not a mere bluff.

Jin disagreed “I can’t stay calm knowing you are with him! Don’t do that again. You are scaring me woman. Are you on your way home?” she hummed a soft yes and started walking.

“Then I will give you a company until you reach home” his crazy ideas made her smile.

“Don’t be silly, I am perfectly fine. Go to sleep Jin”

“This woman.. It is 9PM and you are sending me to bed already?”

Her nose scrunched up in annoyance “You have to wake up early tomorrow nevertheless, it is not a bad idea to sleep at this time” she defended her earlier statement.

“I am walking you home, that is my final decision! Now, how’s your day?” her eyes were rolled back digesting his cliché side, though deep down inside she could say this was a romantic gesture. With Jin’s soft voice rang in her ears along her journey back home, she feared nothing in this world.

His voice was gentle and soothing enough that it drove a part of the fear away.

With his voice, it shortens the distance to her home. Not to mention, every time she laughed at Jin’s silly dad jokes, half of her burdened were being lifted from her shoulder. Entering her building, she climbed the stairs tiredly unlocking the door. Kicking her shoes at the corner, she promised to clean it up the first thing when she woke up tomorrow. Seul hurried inside her room with Jin voice nagged in the background urging her to head to bed as soon as she reached home.

“Are you in your room?”

“Yes, Mr Kim. I am in my room” she threw her exhausted body on the bed, throwing arm over her head.

“Good, now get changed and rest. Text me a good night when you are done” Jin let out a soft chuckle.

“You are so demanding. Not even my boyfriend but you are acting like one” murmuring with eyes closed, she stretched a little.

He argued “I just walked you back home so appreciate me” Seul’s soft giggle tickled his heart. He sunk on his bed, laying on the cold mattress with a foolish smile across his face.

“So full of yourself, why I am not surprised”

“Consider this as our first date” he muttered.

“What?” bewildered, Seul sat up trying to brain the meaning behind those shady words. She heard his heavy breathing at the end of the line, as he continued “About, me walking you back home, consider it a date” out of a sudden his voice turned fifty shades darker and romantic, enticing every part of her body.

What the hell Kim Seokjin? That is cringy! Jin facepalmed.

“Don’t say anything, pretend that you misheard that. Oh gosh, I must go. Don’t forget to text me a good night! Bye Seul!” he spat the words out like flying bullets without giving the girl a chance to say anything and hung up.

Jin rolled on his bed, screaming in the pillow blaming his sloppy and foolish action. He was worried if that scare the girl away. Grunting in frustration, he felt like he just screwed up his blooming relationship with Seul.

Just what is wrong with me, Jin was frustrated and feeling a little remorseful over his action.

This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2021. All Rights Reserved

[prep-radio]

Thuremix.

Over the past two years, I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that mental illness, as much as I want to believe in my own immunity, is inevitable. Be it ourselves or our loved ones, we all succumb to some form of involvement. And there are times we don’t know what to do. We seek help, get treatment. We look for therapists and psychiatrists and nutritionists and rehabilitators and higher powers and piers, and we want to believe that some culmination of these things will be enough.

That’s just it though - sometimes enough is unachievable. In the same way our universe is expanding faster than we will ever be physically capable of keeping up with, sometimes our minds are so far past the point of no return; whomever we were before has been locked away permanently. And this realization comes with grief, a grieving of the life that once was, a grieving of innocence. We need to go through the stages of loss of a whole identity, and accept that it will never return.

That loss of the mentally well identity is the single closest thing to death a living person will ever experience.

For myself, this came in the form of untreated severe depression that over the course of five years permanently damaged my brain. For 5.8 million Americans and their families, this comes in the form of Alzheimer’s disease.

It is harder to find someone who has not been personally affected by Alzheimer’s than it is to find someone who has. I lost my paternal grandmother to the disease. By age 13, I knew for sure she was absolutely gone. She would repeat the same stories over and over - I later found out from relatives that all of these stories were fabricated by her - and any chance I had to connect with her as an older child / teenager was nonexistent. She sometimes didn’t know she was in a room full of her family. Sometimes she knew there was a young person with her and she had to care for them as a mother of four, grandmother of nine, and at the time of her passing great-grandmother of ten. (Yes, I am her grandchild but not her great grandchild. My cousins have children my age. Long story) However, she didn’t know who anyone was. All relationships were severed without anyone’s consent, not even hers.

Nobody can for certain describe the experience of someone with late stage Alzheimer’s; whomever is damned to suffer through it cannot communicate their experiences - it would be like vocally asking someone who is deaf to explain what they hear. All we can conclude is that if by mid-stage dementia a patient faces confusion, reduced cognitive ability, sensory deprivation, depression, and panic; and we know it gets far worse afterwards, then what they’re going through must be the most unimaginable pain: eternal loneliness, and never resolving their life’s regrets - stuck in their thoughts, or lack thereof, for what can be what seems like an indeterminate amount of time, since we don’t know how Alzheimer’s affects time perception.

This is only a guess.

It has been theorized that the last memories to be affected in an Alzheimer’s patient are those relating to music, so it makes sense to depict the process with music. The Caretaker’s series of six albums each describe one of the stages of Alzheimer’s, and this video provides a description for each, so I won’t go into detail here.

There is a song called “Heartaches” by Al Bowlly sampled in the album several times, and each time it comes up you can compare the level of deterioration. I’d recommend listening to it first so you can detect samples of it in the album (in Alzheimer’s terms, this is stage 0).

If you are planning on sitting down and listening to the full six and a half hours in one go, I would recommend not doing so if you are having a bad mental health day. The thoughts of death and dementia can worsen depression, so do this when you’re in an objective mindset.

And then go find the memes. Millennials and Gen Z are good at laughing in the face of suffering.

The battle against Alzheimer’s will be won with a sword made of gold. Please consider donating so we can cure this disease worse than death.

Enjoy today, it will become “only yesterday.”

[emeraldwaves]

Title: Start of Something New

Chapter 14 Pairing:  Todomomo, side Kamijirou Rating: T Word Count:  3,398 Summary: Momo is thrilled to be spending her winter break on her family ski vacation. Even though she’s anxious about graduating in the spring, she’ll have time to relax, enjoy the slopes and hang out with her best friend. Shouto is not thrilled to be stuck with his father for the entirety of his winter break. It’s anything but a vacation. Even with his siblings there, everything reminds him of his past and he just wants to get back to finishing school and moving on. When the two continuously run into each other at the lodge, both of them realize their vacations aren’t going to be what either of them expected. Read on AO3 Thanks to @amaisenshi for reading this ahead!

After saying an awkward goodbye to his siblings, Shouto made his way to the staircase at the end of the hall to go to the rooftop deck. He was looking forward to seeing Yaoyorozu after such an awkward dinner with his father.

He didn't feel guilty about his father walking away, but he did feel sorry seeing his sister so upset. Of all the people on this trip, she was the one who deserved to have a nice time. She was constantly worrying about everyone else. Later, after she had some alone time, Shouto would try and talk to her.

Shouto had gone to dinner expecting the fight, just as Natsuo had, and surely his sister had too. But still, Shouto didn't enjoy when his family fought. He didn't care for fighting with his father either, but that was completely different.

He opened the door to the roof, letting the crisp night air tickle at his skin. There was something oddly refreshing about it, even with the shiver rolling down his spine.

Yaoyorozu stood by the railing, her dark hair blowing in the cool breeze. She was staring at the mountain, her dark eyes sad and Shouto's heart dropped. She was so stunning, and remembering their kiss from earlier, only made him want to do it again. Already his body felt lighter near her, not bogged down by his family and their tiring, unhappy aura.

"Evening, Yaoyorozu-san," he said, making his way to lean over the railing next to her.

"Todoroki-san, you made it," she sighed, her lips curling into a smile. It only made him want to kiss her more. He had come to talk to her of course, but his eyes fell to her lips, and he fought against a strong desire to hold her and pull her close. Something about her was so comforting.

Instead, he placed his hand over hers, linking their gloved fingers together. "Of course." He frowned, remembering how sad her eyes looked. "Is everything okay, Yaoyorozu-san? You looked sad when I saw you leaning against the railing."

Her cheeks flushed, her face shocked. Maybe he had said that too forwardly? He hadn't meant to upset her more.

"It's... silly," she admitted finally. Her eyes glistened against the twinkling fairy lights, and she let out a sigh. "I should be happy!" she blurted out. "I'm here, in my most favorite spot. I get to see my best friend and spend time with you and..." She trailed off, as if she was unable to fully decide how to end her sentence.

"I'm sure it's not silly," Shouto said, reassuring her.

She sighed. "My parents... they want me to do well in school, and I, of course, want to do well too! But... I've already been accepted to the university I plan to attend, and they made comments about me getting distracted." She shook her head, her long ponytail brushing against the back of her neck. "I haven't done anything to make them think I would be distracted."

"Distracted how?" he asked, titling his head.

"With friends or..." she trailed off, looking away. "Boys..." she said finally.

"Ah... are they upset we have... been spending time together?" Was he causing problems for her? That was the last thing he wished to do.

"No! I-I mean a few times they've asked me who I'm texting and they always assume it's Kyouka," she explained. "I... don't really know how to tell them. W-Which has absolutely nothing to do with you, Todoroki-san! You're wonderful and quite frankly-"

"Yaoyorozu-san."

"I'm sure they would love you but I don't think they'd really appreciate me dating a boy...

"Yaoyorozu-san..."

"Ah uhm... not that we're dating!"

"Yaoyorozu-san, it's okay... I wasn't expecting you to tell your parents about me," he said. "We've known each other for a very short amount of time, though I..." He paused. Could he tell her he was very... enamored with her? She was so easy to be around and she made him so comfortable. The thought of dating her made his heart pulse in his chest, racing faster than he was used to.

"I-I'm sorry! I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you to date or... or anything like that!" she exclaimed quickly.

"No," he said, "I didn't take it that way at all..."

"Okay..." She trailed off again, looking down at the ground, her eyes trembling slightly. Had he upset her? Did she wish they were dating?

No, that was ridiculous, they would probably never talk after this week. Who knew if he would ever even see her again?

Still... there was a part of him that wanted to. He wasn't ready to let her go and he didn't think he would be in a few days either.

He opened his mouth to tell her, but wondered if she'd take it wrong? He sighed. "It's strange to admit I enjoy spending time with you and... will miss it once it's over."

Gasping, she turned to look at him. "I... I didn't expect you to say that." A smile pulled across her lips, her eyes lighting up. "But... I'm really glad you did. Admittedly, I feel the same way. I feel very comfortable around you Todoroki-san. I wish my parents could understand that."

She was so stunning, and he was staring at her lips. He wanted to kiss her again.

Instead, he spoke again, wondering if it would be inappropriate to rush into things. "Don't worry," he muttered. "I'm certain my father wouldn't understand it either. If he knew I was up here right now..." He trailed off. Did Enji really have any right to react after how he'd been acting for the majority of the trip?

Yaoyorozu smiled, a smile laugh slipping between her lips. "I guess we're the same," she whispered. "But despite all that, I really am happy you were able to come."

"I wouldn't have ditched you after saying yes," he said, wishing there weren't fabric between their hands. He wanted to brush his finger over her smooth skin.

"W-Well I-I wasn't sure if you were going to be able to get away from your family!" she stammered quickly. "I didn't want to make any assumptions even if you said yes!"

He'd never met someone so kind and considerate. Did people like her really exist in the world? It was almost hard to believe, even with her standing directly in front of him.

"It's alright. My father left all on his own tonight," he said.

"Oh?" she asked, tilting her head in his direction. "Did something happen?"

"Mmm," Shouto nodded. "My father... is a very controlling person. But he's also... a child. When things don't go his way, he gets upset. I think it frustrates him that all of his children are adults now. We don't have to listen to him, and my brother certainly doesn't and it bothers him," Shouto explained.

"I see," Yaoyorozu said, squeezing at his hand. "Was dinner awkward then?" She gasped suddenly after asking the question, blinking rapidly. "Ah- uhm, I... I'm sorry Todoroki-san! I didn't mean to pry! Obviously, if you don't want to talk about it I wouldn't want you to feel pressured to."

He couldn't help but chuckle at her reaction. She was the cutest girl he'd ever met.

"Please don't worry, Yaoyorozu-san, like I said, with you I feel... very comfortable," he admitted, nodding his head once. "I could... tell you more if you would like."

"Of course! I'd love to know more about you!" she said eagerly, leaning towards him. "Whatever you wish to tell me Todoroki-san, I'll listen!"

Yaoyorozu was a phenomena; never before had Shouto been so willing and eager to open up to another person. Her entire aura was so warm and comforting, he couldn't help but want to say.

"Dinner was awkward. My father and brother have been at odds, and even my sister spoke up tonight," he muttered. "It’s because of my mother..." He trailed off, knowing talking about dinner meant explaining things about her.

"Mmm," he hummed, unable to find the words. He didn’t even know where to begin. Her hand squeezed his, and he knew she was waiting, but how exactly did he explain the feelings so closely attached to his mother.

"Todoroki-san, are you okay?"

"Ah… yes… It’s not easy to speak about this," he mumbled, his body shivering against the night wind.

"Please, take your time. I’ll wait as long as you need."

He nodded, taking a long deep breath in. He wanted to tell her, he did, even if saying the words out loud would be painful.

"When I was young," he began softly, "I was very close to my mother. All of us were. She was... a kind person. She loved the winter." He glanced out at the mountain, a few lights illuminating the open slopes for night skiing. "She would've loved it here."

"Really?"

"Mhm." Swallowing, he inhaled slowly, dragging the air into his lungs. His entire body felt heavy, just thinking about his mother and what her absence had brought about.

"I... take it there's a reason she's not here with you," Yaoyorozu said softly.

"She died," Shouto stated bluntly.

"O-Oh... Todoroki-san, I'm so sorry..." Yaoyorozu whispered, her hand squeezing his as she tightened her grip.

Inhaling again, Shouto stared at the mountain, remembering how happy his mother looked whenever they were surrounded by snow and ice, winter winds brushing through her hair.

"It's okay, it was a long time ago," he said. "I was still young. My father has always been an intense man... it took a toll on her mental health. She ended up in the hospital, slowly deteriorating, until all her mental problems shifted to physical. Her body... couldn't withstand the pain she felt and eventually she passed. I know she didn't mean to leave us behind but..."

The chasm she left behind in their family was almost immeasurable.

Shouto could look across the gap and see his father, and as they grew older the cracks widened, pulling Enji farther and farther away. Touya ended up on another section, and after this, he pulled far away from them as well. After this trip, Shouto knew the rift would grow, pulling Natsuo further away too.

"It couldn't have been easy," Yaoyorozu said softly, and Shouto was pulled from his own thoughts. He hadn’t meant to stay quiet for so long; thankfully Yaoyorozu didn’t seem to mind.

"No. It wasn't. My father always worked me extra hard after that, since he felt none of his other children were worthy. He wants me to take over his business, and I've been his sole focus since she passed.

"We never speak about it," Shouto said. "Even now, telling you feels odd... like I'm mentioning something taboo. Natsuo and Fuyumi brought it up to my father, which is why he... left tonight I think. I know he hates talking about Mother but he could treat her with more respect," Shouto hissed, gripping his hand against the railing. "It's his fault she died and he barely did anything to help her..."

"Why?" Yaoyorozu asked softly. As angry as these thoughts made him, having her hand in his did help.

"I don't know... he's only ever cared about his business. Sometimes I think he kept having children until one of us was good enough in his eyes. Even then... I doubt I'm exactly what he wants," he said.

"No one's perfect," Yaoyorozu stated. "It's... something I often find myself trying to remember. I always want to please my parents and be exactly who they want me to be, but... that's impossible and I know it. I'm sure deep down there's a part of your father that's proud of you..."

He sighed. "It's getting to the point where I don't care anymore. I've spent my whole life listening to him and dealing with his rules and ridiculous ways of handling my schooling. It's part of the reason why... on this trip I've been doing so many things I want to do. It feels... good, actually," he said.

"It does, doesn't it?" Yaoyorozu said. "I have more freedom, but coming up here with you and talking feels so freeing." She took his other hand in hers and turned so they were facing each other. Her dark eyes shone brightly, like stars against the glistening night sky. "I'm... truly sorry you lost your mother Todoroki-san, as frustrating as my parents can often be, I can't imagine losing either of them." She squeezed his hands hard. "I also... really appreciate you telling me. I wish I could do more, but I think... if you think this is a place your mother would love, then you should definitely enjoy yourself to the fullest!"

She smiled and he felt like the sun was rising. Maybe it was his own personal sun, shining down on him, her face illuminated with such beauty.

"Thank you, Yaoyorozu-san. I mean it. It's rare I find someone I feel so comfortable around," he said.

"Me too," she giggled. "But you make me feel so calm."

"Mmm." He pulled his hand back, raising it to cup her cheek. "Do you think I could... kiss you again?" he asked. He had meant to ask the first time, not meaning to take her off guard, but she had looked so stunning, explaining why she adored the view of the lake. And now, she looked so perfect again.

This time he was polite enough to ask. Her cheeks were flushed and she let out a soft squeak, as if she hadn't been expecting him to proposition her in such a way.

"I... I would love that!"

Leaning down, he cupped her cheeks between his gloved fingers, gently pecking her lips. He loved how soft she was against his cold lips and he could taste the hint of something sweet, probably from the gloss which shimmered against her lip.

He swiped his tongue against hers, wanting to taste just a little bit more, and she let out a sigh, opening her mouth enough for his tongue to slip inside. He sucked air in quick, holding her jaw gently between his fingers. If only he could get closer to her.

Pulling away, they were both panting, hot breath clouds curling into the air in front of them between their lips. Shouto sighed.

"T-Todoroki-san," she whispered. Even the way she spoke his name was positively heavenly. "You've... really made me feel like a princess," she admitted.

"A princess?"

Admittedly, he could only imagine she was more beautiful than any princess in the world.

"Mhm," she said, draping her arms around his neck. "I always dreamed of sharing my first kiss on the mountain, snow falling all around us, sharing my favorite places... and... you've checked off all the boxes. I... truly feel so lucky!"

"Then I hope you don't mind if I take one more for luck," he said, pecking her lips again.

"I could spare a few more," she said softly.

He brought his hands to her waist and pulled her close to him, the warmth of her body sending an exciting shiver down his spine.

He could've stayed up on the roof kissing her all night. Truly, he never wanted this week to end so he would never have to let go of Yaoyorozu Momo.

~~

Momo was floating. There was no logical explanation for how she felt, and she wasn't sure if she would ever come back down from the clouds she seemed to be drifting on.

She knew it was too soon to think she could be in love with Todoroki Shouto, but goodness if she wasn't on the way. He was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

A prince, in the strangest of ways.

She was also grateful he had chosen to share information about his mother with her. It was difficult not to feel terrible for his loss and from what she could tell, it seemed his whole family was still struggling with the hole their mother left behind.

It was early, but she pulled out her phone and opened to her messages with Todoroki.

[Text Todoroki Shouto]: Todoroki-san! I hope you slept well, I was sad to part ways last night and I hope we can meet up again a few times before both of our trips conclude. Maybe at the party on Friday.

[Text Todoroki Shouto]: I really appreciate you sharing everything you did. I know how difficult that was and just know if you ever need to talk, I am always willing to listen.

Her heart skipped a beat when she felt her phone buzz back at her.

[Text from: Todoroki Shouto]: Thank you, it was the best night of the trip so far.

[Text Todoroki Shouto]: I must say I agree!

[Text from: Todoroki Shouto]: I appreciate you listening to me. Normally I don't talk so much.

[Text Todoroki Shouto]: Please don't worry, I really did enjoy it. Learning about you makes me happy.

[Text from: Todoroki Shouto]: I want to learn more about you.

Momo almost dropped her phone on her face from the sheer excitement. Talking to him was always such a rush.

[Text from: Todoroki Shouto]: I'll learn more about you during the rest of our nights here.

[Text Todoroki Shouto]: I'll tell you whatever you want to know.

Was it too soon to send a heart emoji? Some people took emojis really seriously...

[Text from: Todoroki Shouto]: For now, I'll thank you for the kisses.

Momo's cheeks heated up immediately. Did people do that?! Thank people for kissing them!? It seemed odd! But then again, it was oddly sweet.

[Text Todoroki Shouto]: You don't have to thank me, I wanted to.

[Text from: Todoroki Shouto]: Me too.

[Text Todoroki Shouto]: I will thank you for being such a gentleman.

She giggled again, letting her phone drop to the bed. Neither of them had much experience when it came to this sort of thing, but she supposed that made it all the more fun.

Momo finally jumped out of bed, heading to the closet to change when there was a knock at her door. Blinking, she scurried over, surprised when she saw her mother on the other side of the door. Normally she met her parents for breakfast before heading to the mountain.

"Mother?" She opened the door in shock.

"May I come in?" The tall dark haired woman asked, and Momo nodded.

"I-Is everything okay, Mother?"

"Mhm..." the woman sighed, taking a seat on Momo’s bed. She brushed her hand over the comforter. "It occurred to me this morning your Father and I may have been a little harsh last night. You've done nothing but prove to us you're a hard worker and truly I do wish for you to have a nice time with your friends on this trip."

Her mother was apologizing to her? Did they finally realize she was hardworking and absolutely nothing could distract her from doing well in school?

"Thank you, Mother," she nodded, but her eyes widened as her phone buzzed. Oh gosh no. No! Not when her mother was coming to apologize and was potentially trusting her. Momo hadn't locked her phone, leaving her conversation with Todoroki open completely for the woman to see.

Frowning, her mother leaned over to the pillow and picked her phone up, immediately scanning the conversation. "Momo... who is Todoroki Shouto and why are you kissing him?"

Swallowing, Momo’s face paled.

"He's just... a boy... a boy I met here, for the week, it's nothing important, just.. talking and what not."

"Not important? Then why are you letting him kiss you?"

"W-Why are you reading my text messages, Mother?" She snapped,

"You left them open on your pillow," the woman growled, standing up. She clutched Momo's phone to her chest. "I will not be giving this back. You made a complete fool of me. I came here to apologize when it turns out you're sneaking around with some... some boy!" She yanked the door open.

"B-But Mother, I-!"

"No. You disobeyed our wishes when we ask very little of you. You will not see this boy for the rest of the week!"

Mother! No-!" She began to protest but the woman took her phone, slamming the door behind her.

With that, the cloud Momo had been floating on, tumbled to the ground.

[locke-writes]

In Other Words

Author: locke-writes

Title: In Other Words

Prompt: Fly Me To The Moon - Frank Sinatra, “Would you give me the pleasure of this dance?” x Bucky Barnes. For: @becaamm ‘s Valentine’s Challenge

Rating: T

Word Count: 3,047

When Steve Rogers was pulled from the ice you were the first person Nick Fury called. It had been his idea to set Steve up in the hospital room that mirrored the 40's but he wanted it only to be used as a test. No one was certain as to how Steve would react when he woke up in the new millennium. Would it be with rage or with reluctant acceptance, no one could truly have predicted any outcome. 

He had been frozen for many years, missed so much. Friends, family, anyone he'd ever known was perhaps dead or if they were still alive they were quite old. It was a lot for anyone to take in at once and he needed someone to guide him along, someone who could get him up to date with everything he had missed yet at the same time sympathize with him about everything he'd lost.

You weren't called in because you were an expert on time travel which would help with explaining the drastic time change, because you weren't an expert. You weren't called in because you had a degree in history, because that degree did not exist. You were called simply because you had an old soul. It had somewhat been inherited through your family, the love of old films and of old music. You lived in the present and loved the things of the past, Fury hoped that this would allow you to connect with Steve, provide some common ground, helping with the adjustment process.

Steve was a quick learner. Due to his being frozen it was like sleeping and waking up years in future, his brain hadn't deteriorated but was preserved. He knew events of his childhood like they happened yesterday but the gap came when he couldn't recall anything about the years after going under the ice. Pop culture stayed on the back burner for a while, history stood front and center. Updating Steve on the missing gaps was more important you thought then teaching him about the top grossing films of the 50's. You told him that he should make a list of things pop culture related to look into and gave him some starting points. 

Your work with Steve led to a strong friendship. Coulson knew everything about Steve which could be intimidating, you knew everything about the time Steve grew up in which provided a sense of calm. Steve knew that you weren't actually alive then but he felt that you were with the way you could talk about the movies he'd go see as a kid or the music he'd listen to on the radio. Even the way you asked him questions about his favorite baseball players made him feel less like a man out of time.

All this was the number one reason why you were the first person called when Bucky had been found. 

Bucky had been a more complex case. He had no memories of anything after the jump off the train. That was the last memory and the next was meeting Steve on the bridge. You knew when he had been brought in that there was going to be a lot of trauma to work through. And so that became your priority. Steve had been stuck in ice for years, that's all he'd been doing. History was the only real thing that mattered when it came to what to teach Steve. When it came to Bucky, history was important but making sure that healed from constant brainwashing was more important to you.

Working with Bucky took longer than it took with Steve. You'd called in favors from friends outside of SHIELD, forced them to sign confidentiality waivers and then briefed them on Bucky's condition. While Bucky wasn't exactly pleased by what you were requiring of him, he grew to understand and appreciate every bit of effort you put in to healing him all around. Reluctantly he began attending appointments regularly. Seeing doctors to determine what could be done about his arm, removing the mark of HYDRA control that was ever present and following him, and replacing it with another prosthetic. He'd started seeing a therapist, at first three times a week but then dropping to two when it was deemed that he had made tremendous progress.

Bucky was different when it came to teaching. Steve wanted to go alongside it with you, to be walked through and talked through with it. He'd missed so much he wanted to be guided as though he might misstep. Bucky wanted to be instructed, to be given something and left alone with it to think, to process at his own pace. He wanted to be handed books and given time to read. He wanted to understand technology for faster access of information and to be able to contact you with any possible questions that he had. It wasn't so much the knowledge and history portion of his life he needed help with. That part of his life was easy for him to pick up, he was an intelligent man, always had been you would learn, but he needed someone to be there to help decipher, to decode the given information.

It was the healing portion of his life that he needed greater help with. It was the healing portion of his life that led him to accept the help of your friends. And while it was easy for him to process the missing gaps of time in his memory by filling them in with what he'd gleamed from books it was harder to process the memories that were coming forth from his time with HYDRA.

That would take longer to heal from but he'd go about it in his own way with help and guidance. New understanding of mental health, of medicine, would greatly benefit him. He'd improve with time and he'd have more faith in himself. He'd have more ways of coping, of understanding what had happened to him and what he'd done.

The change in Bucky was gradual but it pleased you to watch.

He'd recently been approved to get a support dog. A German Shepard named Charlie that was specifically trained to deal with symptoms of PTSD. He was making incredible progress and you felt that now with his life coming together in terms of recovering from HYDRA control that it was time for you to step away. At least this is what you were planning on telling Steve.

You anticipated Steve's protest, you just weren't ready to admit the true reason for your stepping back to anyone but yourself. Yet Steve would understand, you knew and believed he'd have to understand to agree with you. Confessing to him what you'd only confessed to yourself was the only way you could think to go about it.

"It's been eleven months, he's in therapy, he's adjusting to his new arm and to having Charlie. I think he'll be fine on his own."

"He needs you" Steve protested.

You shook your head, "I don't know if that's true but either way I can't stay Steve. I have to go."

"Can't? Why 'can't"

You think Steve knew the answer in that moment. You were sure he knew what you were trying to say. You also knew that he wouldn't accept it if it wasn't proven true. Assumptions were fine but confirmations were great.

"I like him Steve. I like him a lot. Whether what I feel for him is love I don't know, I've never been in love. But I have feelings for him, strong feelings. Being around him. That's something that I want, I'll always want. I just can't be around him while helping him heal. I'm afraid my feelings will get in the way of any real progress that he still has left to make"

"I think I'm beginning to understand. I can't blame you for wanting to step away then if these feelings might get in the way. Don't worry about it, I can tell him. I'll figure something out with Sam. Going to the VA meetings has been helping me I'll see if Sam knows some people near Bucky's apartment"

"Thanks Steve. I owe you one. Really I do"

The next meeting you had with Bucky was a week after you had talked to Steve. You sat at the table where the two of you usually met waiting for him to show. Or rather hoping that Steve had talked to him and that he wouldn't show. Checking the clock you watched the hand tick the last few minutes away before hearing the chair beside you scooting across the floor. Turning you saw that Bucky was, as usual, on time. What was unusual was the lack of books he'd brought with him.

"Steve talked to me." He let the words slip out into the air.

"About what?" You questioned, hoping that what was spoken wasn't every word you had said.

Bucky smiled but you knew that he was nervous. You'd been around him long enough to be able to tell the signs as they appeared on his face.

"Do you want to go to dinner?"

"What?"

"Dinner? Unless that's not something people do for dates anymore. Not that this would be a date I mean. It could be though. If you wanted it to be."

"I take it that Steve really did tell you everything."

"He did. I would have liked to hear it from you but if I were in your shoes I probably would have done the same. If it's any consolation I like you too. And I too have no idea if what I feel for you is love."

"Dinner huh?" You questioned, a small smile on your face.

"If you're up for it."

You grabbed his hand and squeezed, "You know, I think I am up for it"

Some days you still look back on that first date. It felt like you'd only just met but at the same time it felt like you'd known one another forever. Whatever you had felt for one another only grew deeper during that first date. It continued to grow with every story Bucky told of his childhood and every antidote you had from your own. 

It continued to grow as slowly the two of you found you had more in common than originally thought. It continued to grow after Bucky asked to take a walk in the park, reaching for your hand around the first lap. It grew when you sat on one of the park benches and laid your head on his shoulder. It grew and it grew and it grew.

That would be the first date but it wouldn't be your last. Not by a long shot.

You'd continue going on dates at least once a week, mainly because that was as much time as you could stand to be without seeing one another. Bucky agreed that once you started dating you shouldn't continue to be his teacher, it wasn't weird or anything it was just distracting when he found himself kissing you in the midst of discussing the changing American economy. He began attending VA meetings with Steve and Sam instead, finding it helpful to talk to other soldiers about what he'd been through.

Six months into your relationship came the first I love you. 

One year into the relationship came renting an apartment together. It was halfway between the Avengers base and SHIELD headquarters. Dog friendly and close to public transportation if you needed to get farther out. 

It was an adjustment living together but a good adjustment. Getting a place together felt more like the two of you having a home rather than living in the others home had Bucky moved to your apartment or you moved to Bucky's

One year in also marked the first time Bucky would go on a mission. 

It had taken time before Bucky had begun working with the Avengers. Steve had asked him to join but Bucky refused, saying that he wasn't ready. No one wanted to push Bucky into anything he didn't think he was ready for and so they waited. Bucky worked on the information side of things, he still wanted to help in some way, but working in the field wasn't something he wanted to take up just yet. 

It had taken one full year but finally Bucky felt like he would be ready to go out into the world. He feared many things in regard to that first mission, the main one was simply being recognized as the Winter Soldier. To everyone the Winter Soldier was a HYDRA agent, an image that was going to be hard to shake off. To those who had become close to him, Bucky was far from the man that had been under their control. 

Indeed some still associate the name of Winter Soldier with the HYDRA agent but after that mission the perception began to change.

For you it had taken only a few weeks to see this change. You'd come to care for him in only a few weeks, you'd come to love him in only a few months. You'd come to date him for a year, and in one more year, Bucky would see for himself the change that you insisted was in him.

Two years since you had first been asked out by Bucky, two years and he was finally coming to see himself in the same way that you had seen him. You could thank yourself for that change but really you owed it all to one little girl and Halloween.

At the time Bucky had been reluctant to do any media appearances or even any public appearances. His reputation and image had changed somewhat when it came to others but the fear was there. Some days you believed it always would be. Somehow he had managed to be roped in to handing out candy on Halloween with the rest of the team, yourself included. While it was a small way of giving back you knew it would mean a lot to the children and the parents who couldn't afford tickets to meet and greets at conventions often one Avenger was invited to.

She was maybe eight years old and she stood there before him stunned. For Bucky it was the first time he'd seen anyone at all dress up like him, for her it was the first time she'd seen anyone like her as a hero.

"We decorated my arm just like yours! Sometimes people say I can't do things because of my arm but I tell them that the Winter Soldier has one arm too and he can do anything!" She raised her prosthetic for him to see.

Bucky was speechless for a few moments before telling her that she was right, that having one arm just meant sometimes she might have to work harder but she could do everything she wanted. Bucky took a few pictures, signed a few things, and then practically dumped the entire candy bowl into the little girls bucket.

One year of missions, two years of dating, and one little girl with her Winter Soldier arm were all that it took for Bucky to slowly begin to accept himself. Time was always needed to convince oneself that they were more than what they were brainwashed to be.  

A few weeks.

A few months.

One year.

Two years.

Now.

Now here you were, a long way from when you had first met Bucky. Now here you were lying on the couch in your apartment waiting for him to come home. He'd texted you, something he was still getting the hang of, not to wait up. You never listened to him in this aspect, you were an agent, you knew what missions were like and the protocol of after. The mission with Steve had lasted a full week, far longer than had been anticipated. The debriefing at the base wouldn't take quite as long but it would still be a lengthy amount of time. 

You yawned once more, fighting off sleep. Bucky was set to be home at any minute according to what you assumed based on your own debriefings. Focusing on the music you'd put on and the book you were currently reading wasn't helping.

The opening of the door and the feeling of a weight being added on top of you let you know that Bucky and Charlie were home. Charlie had to undergo some training but he'd been accompanying Bucky on mission since day one. You scratched behind the dogs ears.

"How was the mission?" You questioned after Bucky kissed you.

"I guess it could have gone better but no one on either side was killed which is the only thing that matters most"

You nodded, sitting up slowly and stretching. 

Bucky turned his head to glance over at the record player, "I know that voice but, not the song."

"Oh yeah, you wouldn't. That's Sinatra's song Fly Me To The Moon. It didn't come out until after the train incident"

"Wait? Sinatra? As in Frank Sinatra? He had a career?"

"A long lasting one at that. Were you aware of him back then?"

"Not just aware of him, Steve and I saw him live once. Of course back then he was the new singer in a band that had just come to town but. Who knew he was going to be known for decades."

"I can't believe you never found out about his career, maybe Steve hasn't fully caught up on music after all. Remind me to make you a list of singers from back in the day that are still well known"

"I will. In the meantime, would you give me the pleasure of this dance?"

As the two of you swayed to the music you once again though back to all that Bucky had been through. Sometimes when you thought back you wished it had never happened to him, sometimes Bucky wished it too. But if that were the case then you would't be here dancing in your dimly lit apartment, your head on his shoulder. 

You whispered that you loved him and Bucky whispered it back.

It was moments such as these that made Bucky a truly grateful man.

[disasterjones]

Jarrett. Give us the tea my dude

Jarett: Describe your worst boss or teacher you've ever had.

my time has come,, 

this is obscenely long, apologies

okay so I used to work at a credit union (it’s basically a bank but they push this concept of “community” and “we’re not like the banks” except that they are, do not be tempted by their honeycomb claims, they’re as fragile as they are sweet) and I worked in the quality assurance department

we were tasked with everything from balance inquiries to opening accounts to being the equivalent of loan servicers (without the capacity to actually craft the loan agreement for underwriting, because then what would the loan officers do)

my boss, we’ll call him Bob, had two assistant managers, we’ll call them Jenny and August, who were probably the pacific northwest equivalent of Stepford Wives, with Bob being the superficially-agreeable gentleman that welcomes the unaware into the compound for assimilation

so anyway I joined this job through a temp-to-hire position and it was great for the first six months or so (as it turns out, even jobs have honeymoon periods), I made friends with coworkers, I established a presence and something of a reputation for being the friendly-and-decently-quick-learner, which I would later find out was to my detriment, because they took the “quick learner” concept and thought that translated perfectly to “teacher,” and about a year in they gave me a temp to train

the temp was never a problem, although she did sometimes like to be on her phone when we were in the middle of a call, but I’m just an employee that’s giving pointers, I’m not a boss nor am I her mother, so I don’t bother to give her too much hassle about it. she still manages to keep decent call times for a newbie and is able to navigate our systems after a little bit of repetition

this was the beginning of my issues with Bob, as he wanted me to be more strict and adhere as closely his own inflexible schedule as possible. problem is I can’t force a person to learn faster, nor had I asked for the responsibility of training someone in the first place. why hadn’t they asked someone with more experience? sure I’d learned the ins and outs of the programs okay, but i hadn’t developed the tools to quickly de-escalate angry callers yet, hadn’t even been given access to several systems I was expected to use to train this temp, but being behind was my fault no matter what I said

I’d already been dealing with some subtle snideness and condescension from Jenny and August on top of that, and it took me ages to realize it’s because I was the only person that didn’t engage in makeup culture (partially bc I can’t afford that shit lol) and that was literally the reason why: I wasn’t “put together” or “company ready,” even though I never personally interacted with members or anyone on site beyond people in my immediate department

so a year and a half of this, of subtle underhanded remarks and difficult demands, of having constant rising expectations and quotas, told at every turn that our goal is to have as many new members as possible, all the while a broken record of lie, just repeating constantly that “sales don’t matter, it’s about the community” 

(EXCEPT GET ALL THE ACCOUNTS DON'T LET THEM SLIP THROUGH YOUR FINGERS YOU FUCKING FAILURE YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN THEM 3 ACCOUNTS YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN THEM A GOOD RATE ON THE NEW CREDIT CARD IF THEY JUST SIGNED UP BUT REMEMBER WE DON’T WANT TO SELL THEM ANYTHING)

finally it’s Christmas time and I’ve been busting my hump for the whole year and it’s my second year so I’m eligible for a bonus and I’m literally gonna burst I’m so happy... until Bob and Co. announce that, despite all our stellar efforts this year, despite that we are ahead of company projections by a 15% margin across all departments, despite that I personally (and by proxy our department) was responsible for the acquisition of an account worth over 1.3 million, we were told our Christmas bonuses were actually going to be a bit sparser than they were the year prior, my first year, the year I got a $75 Fred Meyer gift card in

I had been looking forward to a cash bonus and had worked my ass off for it, had been damn near guaranteed it during a number of team/personal reviews with the managers, but surprise! three days before christmas, all I have to look forward to is $50 to a place that I can reasonably get a single pair of shoes from (and maybe some socks)

it’s a month or so later that the Big Change happens, and the entire building of employees moves across town to a new location. some people get let go in the shuffle, including one of my close friends I’d met there. financially stressed though she was, I could see how much happier she was to be out of that place, and I started to get inklings of leaving as my mental health began to deteriorate. another result of this change is that the parking availability for employees is cut down to a third of what we used to have, except it’s even less because most of the spots at the new building are intended for members, so everybody’s carpooling or riding bikes or bussing

side note: carpooling is all well and good in a green initiative, but do you have any idea how difficult it is to coordinate more than two people for a carpool? either you can make us carpool or you can have us in on time, you can’t have both

a bit of advice for anybody new to the job circuit or who might have trouble deciphering “appropriate” social gestures: no matter how open they say you can be, no matter how friendly or amenable they appear to be to mental health struggles, don’t fall for that trap and think you can show any moment of weakness. it’s true that not everyone will react the way my managers did, but don’t take the chance if you can help it. on the surface, they understood. on the surface they said they were with me.

i would go on to walk in on those same people mocking my symptoms and talking about how it can’t be that bad, that I must be trying to get attention.I was labeled unprofessional, and no matter how much they encouraged open communication and preached how “life happens and things get rough for people,” I was still an acceptable target. 

so I took my complaint to HR, who at first seemed taken aback at the notion that, of anybody, BOB could be engaging in such careless and callous behavior. “Oh, he’s such a nice man! I’m sure he didn’t mean those things.” and because he wasn’t the one saying them, but rather laughing along with them, and because it was my word against theirs, it was unlikely to go anywhere

time crawls on and it’s about march or so when everything finally snaps in my brain. getting out of bed feels like selling my soul and going to work feels more like torture than a paycheck. on The Dawn Of The Day That Broke My Back, I was up and ready, out in front of my apartment and chain smoking to keep myself awake, when I realized that no matter when my carpool shows up now, we’re going to be late

I try to keep myself in decent spirits, not be a grumposaurus on the way in. I feel prepared for the day, got my coffee and my lunch in a bag and a nice outfit and I feel like maybe today won’t be as bad as the rest of the month has been, even though we’ll be late

we arrive about 10 after, but I’ve got Jenny and August’s numbers in my phone, so I’ve sent them messages ahead of time to let them know that the carpool was a bit late because traffic has been troublesome. I don’t remember how true it was, but the point is I did my part to let them know ahead of time that we weren’t no-shows, just a bit delayed. as I’m walking in (mind you, following and followed by a number of other individuals just as late as me), Bob singles me out, pointing first at me and then another aggressive point in the direction of a closed office space 

fun fact: with the new change in locations, he no longer has his own office, in fact he now sits directly adjacent to me and close enough to hear me speak under my breath, something I had to be constantly aware of

he ignores the confusion on my face as soon as we’re inside and immediately begins to accuse me of slacking off, saying I’ve been skipping out on and coming late into work constantly, and I need to “get it together” or I’ll be out of a job. I try to express that I’m not trying to shirk my responsibilities, just that I’ve been dealing with a lot of personal stuff and it’s affecting my focus. He doesn’t care, his frustration continuing to escalate, and every time I offer a response or rebuttal to an unfair statement, he gets angrier and changes what he’s upset about.

Finally it happens. 

“You were late! 10 minutes late! You need to be in your chair at your desk and ready to sign in and be ready to take calls BY 8:00!!” 

I have grown tired of him yelling for no reason, and the backbone that had crumbled away over the last two and a half years suddenly snaps back into place hard as steel. 

“I would like to know why this is all aimed at me specifically, when you saw me enter with the remainder of my carpool, the carpool that you all made us set up in the middle of construction season, which of course is happening on the only road that leads here. 

“I would like to know how I’m supposed to control the environment or lives of the other people I am stuck riding with every day for this job that supposedly cares about us, even though it doesn’t seem to care about the extra expenses or time  crunch we now have to endure as a result of this change that miraculously doesn’t affect you. 

“I would like to know who put that stick so far up your ass that you thought it was necessary to yell at your employee about 10 damn minutes. If you don’t mind, I have a job to get to.”

And I go and sit at my desk. He fumes quietly in the office for a while before coming out to his desk, returning to whatever he was doing before he pulled me aside to treat me like a child.

Not a few hours later, I get a call from a member that had been working directly with Bob (big ordeal that needed a manager a few days prior, so he was the go-to for this particular account), and they wanted to speak with him, claiming it was urgent. I hold the call and stand up, trying to get Bob’s attention quietly since there’s other calls happening around me. I call his name quietly, saying “phone for you, it’s [member’s name]” but he doesn’t seem to hear me because he doesn’t respond. So again, I whisper his name, this time leaning more towards him to hopefully catch his eye with the movement, but he cuts me off before I can get the member’s name out

He starts yelling. Like, at the top of his voice, yelling. In a small room, to a person less than 5 feet away, audible to everyone both on a call and not (I would later find out it was also audible over the phone! a member asked what the yelling was about. but I’m the unprofessional one)

“CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY? WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO BOTHER ME WITH CAN WAIT. GET BACK TO WORK.”

The resolve I’d summoned earlier didn’t stay with me, and this was the final straw. It’s one thing to be berated to and humiliated one on one, it’s another to be on the receiving end of it in the presence of 20 other people. I get back on the phone and tell the member, “I’m very sorry, he’ll have to return your call. He’s unavailable at the present.” and hung up, because I was about to cry and I needed to get out. I log out of everything, lock my computer, pick up my belongings and wave to one of my carpoolmates as I walk out and down to HR

they wound up convincing me to stay for a few more weeks, especially after they fired Bob (who it would turn out was going through a divorce, his second in four years, and I just happened to be the punching bag he needed that day), but eventually I left and never went back

[ Critical Role Ask Meme ]

[vnmblast]

                                    LISTEN UP, BITCHCAKES

BASICS. Given / Birth Name : Jessica Miriam Drew Nickname / Preferred Name : Jess Alias(es) : Spider - Woman Birthdate / Age : December 7th 1931 / 88 Place of Birth : London, England Current Location : Hell’s Kitchen, New York Gender Identity : Cis Female Sexual / Romantic Orientation : Pan pan pan pan pan all around. Her standards : low. Sexuality : mysterious. Romantic inclination : sad. Ethnicity / Race / Cultural Heritage: Indian, Greek Cypriot  Marital Status : Single Occupation : Private Investigator + Back up Avenger Religious Beliefs : None. 

CHARACTERISTICS. Height : 5′10″ Weight : 150 lbs Body Type / Build : Athletic. She’s all legs and core and could probably kick a hole through you if given the chance. Lady is, as the recently incarcerated might say, thicker than a bowl of oatmeal. Eye Color : Green Hair Color / Texture : Dark brown shoulder length hair. It’s thick. Makes summer months uncomfortable and winter a delight. Has been known to wear a wig with her spandex. To keep things interesting. Recognizable Features / Scars : Her entire body is littered with scarring but nothing that could be picked out of a lineup. Speech Patterns / Accent : Absolutely no discernible accent. When she was younger, yes, there was a definite British twang. That Spy Life ^ TM taught her to blend in well though, so her speech patterns drift towards whichever area she lives. Right now it’s New York and ... you can hear it. Languages Spoken : A lot. Hindi, Greek, English, French, Spanish, Mandarin, Russian. Don’t piss her off she will literally drag you and all your ancestors in every last one of them. Powers / Skills / Abilities : You know ... typical metahuman stuff. Superhuman strength, speed, reflexes, agility, healing, endurance and durability. She can generate bioelectric currents at her fingertips that can range from an annoying shock to lethal ( venom blasts ). Lady can not nor will ever stop sticking to walls. If you are her friend, there will be footprints on your ceiling. Poison / Toxins have mild effects on her at first exposure - but her body tends to nullify them pretty quick. Yes, that does include alcohol. Annnd last on the ‘metahuman’ list : she secretes pheromones. It’s not great. Results in people either taking an extreme liking to her or H A T I N G her. The later being more common.

Non - power - wise she’s fan - tastic at hand to hand combat in various styles. She was trained thoroughly in the art of espionage, intel gathering, covert operations and wise cracking. Knows her way around weaponry. Typical stuff. Sunday brunch stuff.

Overall Health : Excellent so long as you never look at an x-ray of hers ever.

RELATIONSHIPS. Order of Birth : First Number of Siblings : 0 Father’s Status + Relationship : Jyotish “Jonathan” Drew, deceased. A geneticist recruited by HYDRA for his works in creating radioactive resistance in spiders ( thought to be applicable in human genome, never tested prior to Jessica ). He was a quiet immigrant from Bombay ( now Mumbai ) and friend of Edgar Wyndham. Though he reported to the organization, they lived as a family near Wundagore Mountain in central Europe. His work with radioactive materials resulted in Jessica’s initial radiation sickness / deteriorating state when reaching toddler age --- he exposed his pregnant wife to near lethal levels of uranium. Mother’s Status + Relationship : Merriam Drew, UNKNOWN. ( Hello, Ophelia. ) Not much is currently known about her, and all records Jess could find indicate she was a mild mannered house wife. Kind, perhaps to a fault. Everything she knows about Merriam comes from an old physician’s file, it’s how she knows they have the same eyes. The file is currently locked up in her apartment. Sibling Status + Relationship : N / A Loyalty / Affiliation : Who is this ..... loyalty. Where’s her number, Jess just wants to talk.

PERSONALITY. MBTI : INFP Hobbies : --- fighting off existential crises on friday nights ya’ll holla atcha girl. Fixes old motorcycles. Binges a lot of Netflix. She’s a huuuuuuuuuge Foodie.   Bad Habits : Fidgets, has a tendency of lashing out + pushing people away, keeps everything surface, all ‘yas girl’ and star wars references. Three Positive Traits : Knows where all the good places to eat are in any city at any given time / season. She’s resilient, able to take way too many punches in her personal and professional life. And she sees good in literally everyone. No one, to her, is hopeless. Don’t take her jabs as anything more than face value, she’s empathetic to a Fault. My girl here Cares. Three Negative Traits : Struggles hard with un - diagnosed Depression. Her pride, and sometimes her own thoughts, have convinced her not to seek treatment. Do not be like Jessica Drew, take care of your mental state. Paranoia is a big factor in her day by day life. Was that a weird looking tree or is she about to get drop kicked by some experimental AIM pet again. Disregard for personal safety. She’s a self - sacrifice - r. When in a Good headspace, she thinks through a situation with clear intent and plan. When not, it becomes a Hail Mary Every Time.  Moral Alignment : Neutral Good

ASSOCIATIONS. One Song : make me feel One Quote / Piece of Art :  “ from even the greatest of horrors irony is seldom absent. ” One Fear : rejection ! but with pizazz. One Strength : pop culture extraordinaire One Object : her motorcycle One Place : the beach One Food : no, all food One Scent : lemon One Lucky Charm : novelty deodorant stick called webpits

BIOGRAPHY BREAK DOWN.

born to a dumb - smart guy and his kind of complacent wife ( different times ). one of jon’s experiments shot an eXpErImEnTaL bEaM of radiated spider dna through merriam’s very pregnant torso. turns out, human dna doesn’t like that. jessica suffered the effects of radiation poisoning well into her eighth year of life when she experienced a sudden rapid breakdown of tissue. as a last ditch attempt to save her life, her father injected a serum of irradiated spider goop ( we only use the Best technical terms in this house ) that fundamentally altered her dna.

fight uranium with more uranium, just like grandma used to.

surprising exactly no one : she was still dying faster than the magic drug. this is where her entire history with HYDRA begins :  Wyndham. wyndham was a fellow geneticist, you see, and really loved the idea of cryostasis ( heading the project himself ). he took jess’ case and allowed her body time to properly heal itself to the tune of thirty years.

it’s really disconcerting falling asleep a child and waking up a teenager. has zero perks.

in a truly fucked up move to uncover how jessica’s father altered her physiology, she was put through a battery of tests / training. they even went so far as to fabricate a boy they thought she’d care for. suffice to say, after an emotionally exhaustive day, jess discovered she could lightly fry people with her fingertips ... and that is apparently her new normal. mr. boyfriend died by her hand. she ran away.

fury found her.

she worked with SHIELD then didn’t. it’s a long story, maybe she’ll get into it one day.

“retired” to san fran where she started “masked hero” work with a PI business on the side.

now she’s in new york, still doing the masked hero gig and PI work but with cheaper real estate. 

you may think i’m over-exaggerating about jessica being That Foodie but i’m telling you now she is eating in practically every background panel she’s ever been in and we Support her high metabolism.

[noblehigh]

*  BRIAN’S DEMONOLOGY .

                   excerpt from  brian’s powers and abilities page:

❝ first off, here’s something pertaining to how i portray him as a demon and everything. he is able to track. if you tell him of a place, if you show him a picture, if you’re important enough to him that he’s tethered to you – he can concentrate and find you / the place. hence why he knows where to shimmer to in certain situations. (  he is loosely based off of the demons / magical beings set in the charmed universe. i add in my own things from here and there, and just from my personal beliefs. )

please note:  with the way i play brian, a vampire is a type of low-level demon ( which he was before ). unfortunate for him, when he died, the demon part took him over. there are still bits and pieces of him that stick with him as a sign of what he once was. he still sometimes craves blood. brian is slow to grow into his powers, to develop, and it would take decades to make his way up to something that’s generally feared. he is still considered a low level demon.  (  it’s important to know that he is not necessarily  weak, it just depends on who he is up against  ).  regarding his ‘mortality’, he is immortal.. in a way. his bodies can be destroyed, but he is an entity. it would take him a long time to get back into another body, even if it’s one he’s been in before he died, and it would be painful. along those lines, when he changes forms in his regular life, it’s also painful. it doesn’t take him long, maybe an hour, plus some time for the body to settle. don’t ask where he keeps the bodies, i have no idea. that’s something he won’t tell. so, in summary, his body can die like a human’s would, but he is still alive. still fuckin’ hurts, though.  ❞

                   the process of changing bodies / what it’s like when a body dies:

physically, he is like a human. he uses human bodies ; ones that are deceased, ones that no longer can be used.  he doesn’t kill for his vessels. his bodies age, they scar  (  he is able to heal somewhat more quickly than your average human ; when he heals, it starts out bright red, kind of like it’s illuminated by a flashlight beneath his skin, and then small flames fill the wound. once the flames start, it should only take an hour or two  max  for it to properly heal. he can speed this process up with raw flames from his hand if he wishes. usually just for emergencies ), and eventually, they die.

the process for routinely switching back and forth between living bodies isn’t necessarily pleasant. leaving his present body takes focus, and it kind of feels like someone’s removing a big thorn from his chest. a thorn that makes it really hard to breathe. the more often he’s done it, the more he’s gotten used to the pain ; most of the time it’s fairly mediocre. he’s never had anyone with him when he’s changed bodies, it’s always something he’s done on his own. he bears the cross himself on that one, but that’s not to say he wouldn’t let in someone he loves and trusts to help him through it at some point. the logical reason for switching bodies is to give the others time to rest ; too much exposure to his entity can be damaging to the health of the body ; faster deterioration. the personal reason for switching bodies is mostly found in the way his mood shifts. there are still some traits left of the person before who occupied the body before him.  in one he may be more sympathetic, in another he’s ruthless, and in another his hunger to feed his addictions may be more powerful. it’s why sometimes he just doesn’t feel like himself. those are the days that bother him the most. 

                                         brian’s demon species:

i use this loosely just because i kind of like brian to be a free-range chicken... demon.. -- in the way that i want to leave it open to interpretation, and that includes my own interpretation. in regards to the parts of him that are based off of charmed, he is a type of demon called a noxon demon.  (  read more about them by clicking here.  )

excerpt from charmed wiki:    ❝  viciously tempered, these low-level minions are often used as shock-troops or assassins by more powerful demons. use the following potion vanquish. mix the following herbs: hemlock, wolvesbane, sumac petals and Imp powder. ❞

it’s also important to know that brian can be vanquished back to the underworld ( hell ). this will send back his entity, not harm his body. he will be gone for a fairly long time ( a week or so ), but will be able to return back to his body/earth. mainly it can be used in a fight for advantage, but it must be used with the potion. so: throw potion, recite spell. there are actually two spells ( you only need to use the potion with the vanquishing one ), the first is used as a means of finding/revealing a demon. below are the two spells ( the to find a demon and to banish a noxon demon spells have been lightly edited by me ).

                                                 ❝ to find a demon ❞  spell:

                                         ancient powers, we summon thee,                                                we with the power of thee,                                               to seek your help in finding,                                               the demon who is in hiding. 

                                         ❝ to banish a noxon demon ❞  spell:

                                           demon of fire, demon of pain,                                        i banish you to whence you came!

                                        brian’s powers:

incineration ; status is active: ( active but not at maximum ). incineration is a rare and powerful ability that, like the name suggests, incinerates someone or something. brian is considered a lower-level demon. his powers have grown stronger over the past few months / year and a half, especially since being in hell ( and he’s learned to control them better ). if he thinks it, if he channels it, he can set things on fire simply with his mind. this also happens when he’s very frustrated / angry, usually involuntarily. fireballs ; status is active: the ability to create and throw balls made out of fire. beings with the power of pyrokinesis can create their version of fireballs, however, they are not as powerful. brian does have pyrokinesis ( will be the next bulletin ). his fireballs are not strong enough to take out extremely powerful beings, but they’re good enough to take out another lower-level demon such as himself. they also can be fatal to humans ( depends on the severity of the one he conjures ).  pyrokinesis ; status is active: pyrokinesis is the ability to create and manipulate fire at will. it can be channeled through the mind or hands. brian almost always uses his hands. fire often grows in his palms, it can even channel up his arms ; his entire arm isn’t on fire, it’s just channels of flames crossing over one another, kind of like veins. he can manipulate it to take on the figure of an animal, a woman in the palm of his hand, ect. thermokinesis ; status is active: ( active but not at maximum ). thermokinesis is the ability to mentally control and manipulate heat, encompassing the power and ability to boil and super heat things to scalding temperatures. this kind of goes along with the other two. he can boil water, even blood, any kind of liquid ; he can set simple things on fire with his mind, but mostly needs his hands to do anything else. an example of this is if someone was freezing, he could warm them back up to a normal temperature. sometimes he uses this for comfort, along with small flames. fire throwing ; status is active: fire throwing is the powerful and deadly ability to project jets of flame from the hands, capable of completely immolating even high-level demons. however, brian’s is not that strong. it’s important to emphasize that brian is powerful, but he is definitely not unstoppable. he’s a lower-level demon. his powers aren’t as strong as others. this one kind of goes along with fire balls. he can conjure them in his palm, throw them. with throwing, a never ending stream comes out ( it drains a lot of energy, however, and can become painful, very harmful to the human body ). shimmering ; status is active: shimmering is an energy-based method of transportation that allows the users to appear and disappear from a desired location. when teleporting, the user shimmers, distorting the space around them momentarily ( click here for an example ). this is a common power among demons. shimmering also allows demons to travel anywhere in the world, as well as different planes or timelines, such as time loops. (  brian has not yet discovered the ability to go to different dimensions, and he might not ever discover it. right now, he is just able to get from place. )