#my main save (out of like 5 saves i think? i'm very committed i'm on year 5 nd the others are still year 1) is just

[ratspider]

i think that once i have absolutely no upgrading goals left in stardew valley i'm going to divorce harvey and date everyone in the town till i probably eventually go back to harvey again and wipe his memory

[cosmerelists]

Renarin Ranks Starting Places For New Readers of the Cosmere Series

"Renarin ranks something" requested by @themoonstonechronicler :)

Fans often argue about where new readers should start in the Cosmere: which book is the best starting place? In this list, Renarin will rank various options. Because if any character can break the fourth wall, it's either Hoid (of course) or Renarin with his funky corrupted Future Sight.

[Contains Stormlight Spoilers through Rhythm of War!]

1. Way of Kings

"Starting with Way of Kings is like jumping into a 4 versus 1 Shardblade duel armed with a sword that screams when you touch it after a lifetime of not really being allowed to train in real combat scenarios due to your blood weakness. Will you be in over your head? Yes. Might the experience harm you? Very possibly. Will Kaladin's presence save you? Absolutely. Is it a bad idea? Objectively yes. BUT does this choice make you inherently cool? I think so. At least, I have no regrets."

...

"Make that very few regrets."

"I give this an 8/10."

2. Elantris

"Listen...I get it. You want to start from the beginning. Proceed chronologically. I think my cousin Jasnah would be inclined toward this. But speaking as a 'funky time guy,' as Adolin called me once, I have to say that the past doesn't necessarily predict the future and uh...this one just might be a little tough to start with. In my opinion."

"4/10."

3. Tress of the Emerald Sea

"I think...I think I like Wit. Mostly. There was that one time he tried to make everyone think I was hooking up with, like, multiple women at once, which was...weird. But he also made fun of me. Which does not sound good, but it meant he respected me in a Wit way. In any event, this book is like sitting and listening to Wit for hours. Is it good if that is the first thing you ever do? Maybe? The little rat is cute."

"9/10."

4. Yumi and the Nightmare Painter

"This one is Wit too. Just to get that out of the way. And I think it might be a little bit confusing for a first-time reader since it is clearly being told to a Rosharan, which is not something a new reader would understand."

"But on the other hand, it is maybe...refreshing to have a main character who hasn't yet realized what he's good at, and another main character who hasn't yet realized that not all aspects of her religion should restrict her as much as they do."

"So a confusing place to start, but not necessarily a bad one."

"6/10."

5. The Emperor's Soul

"This one is short! That might be good for someone who is looking for less of a commitment. Plus, it involves a lot of research into how things work, if that appeals to you. But I think the real benefit is that if someone is reading it to you, it would probably only take a few hours."

"10/10."

6. The Sunlit Man

"This book is like seeing into the future, since it is literally about the future. It's also very painful. Which, in my experience, the future often is. The future can be changed...but not in this case, because now it's written down. So I would say: start here at your own risk. On the other hand, it will probably seem less sad if you read it without any backstory. But it will make other things sadder later, trust me."

"3/10."

7. White Sand

"This one can be good if you're a man, since there are a lot of pictures. There are also a lot of words, of course, but if you're just starting out on the reading thing, then having the pictures would help a lot I'd imagine."

"6/10."

8. Warbreaker

"Speaking as someone who...well, I can't say that I deliberately make dramatic reveals, but I have been known to do things like scrawl warnings on a wall or appear suddenly from the shadows or, you know, stuff like that. So I might actually recommend reading this before you read our books, just so you can have those, 'Wait, it's YOU!' moments over and over again."

"Seriously, why did so many of those characters end up in our series?"

"I'm not answering the question, though. This one is standalone, and not too long, yet still manages to have a pretty big cast of characters and a bunch of storylines. It is like Sanderson training."

"8/10."

9. The Final Empire

"This is what everyone always tells you to do. Sometimes it can get frustrating when everyone is SO SURE that they know what's good for you, especially your dad, who won't listen when you tell him that you don't want to become an ardent even though he thinks it's the best. And you know what? In the end, I am a fighter, but also a scholar, since men can do both now. So sometimes what people say is good, but only when it happens in the way you want it to and...I think I lost the thread. Um. You can do what people tell you that you should do IF you want to. "

"If you start here, I imagine you'll like it. Sometimes what everyone tells you to do is a good idea...but only if it's what you want too."

"9/10."

10. The Alloy of Law

"Starting with Mistborn Era 2 is like bonding a corrupt spren. It's almost what everyone agrees is a good thing to do (start with Mistborn / bond a spren), only you're going about it in a...different way. But different is not necessarily bad! Yes, I have abilities that are maybe from Odium and that give me a maybe sacrilegious ability to foretell the future...but when given the chance, I immediately recommended my best friend do the same thing."

"Being different can be good. 7/10."

[wearwind-ao3]

Fic behind-the-scenes, 4/?

Our last first meeting (2024-2025, Fire Emblem: Awakening)

Awakening was my second-ever Fire Emblem game and boy, did it deliver. As soon as I realised this was going to be a story of star-crossed lovers fated to kill each other in an endless cycle, I went "welp, fic incoming."

I had a very loose idea of the plot at the beginning, but I knew I wanted to explore the aftermatch of Robin coming back at the end of the game. With her memory gone again, she's finding herself in a situation that is deeply uncomfortable in so many ways: people who claim to know her, children who claim to be hers, and a man who can't stop touching her that is supposed to be her husband (and the person she's had those children with.) The twist: this Robin is not a blank slate, but a return to her earlier self before meeting Chrom, and she has her own agenda. I also knew that I wanted to tie Robin being alive to Grima being alive, which is the kind of cruel twist you usually read fanfic to overwrite. But hey, angst.

These conflicts ended up weaving together in unexpected ways. Before I knew it, I was writing a fic about parenting through trauma, and the price kids pay for it even with the best of intentions. As I began to chat with my new pals from the Awakening fandom, a new angle also emerged: the intensely gendered dynamic of FE:A's martyrdom. The women around Chrom (Emmeryn, Robin, Lucina) all sacrifice themselves to save the world and large and him specifically. He, in turn, is a startlingly human character: ill-tempered, too trusting, with a hefty selfish streak, more suited to fighting than governance, and trying desperately (and failing) to keep the people he loves alive. The collision of these two attitudes made for a character arc I found fascinating to plot out, and very satisfying to land.

Our last first meeting is also one of those fics that needed the right time and place to get written. I wrote chapter 1-8 within very short intervals (maybe, like, couple of days apart), chapter 9 over a month, and chapter 10 over nearly nine months, picking at it on my phone on various walks and train rides. At some point, I'd nearly lost hope that it would ever see the light of day! A massive shoutout here to the Awakening fandom, whose steady stream of comments and kudos kept me engaged until the publication date. The fic is still going, but the last thing outstanding is the epilogue.

Fun fact: I think I was reading something with fairly short and punchy syntax at the time, because the style of the first few chapters in particular is very atypical of me! It normalises towards the middle.

Our last first meeting lives here.

Outline of Someone's Back (2023-2024, Tiger and Bunny)

This is my sleeper favourite. I wanted to put it together next to the Our last first meeting note, because they are twins in many ways.

This fic, too, was started on a whim outside of my usual fandoms. This fic, too, was an attempt to explore the main couple getting together post-plot. This fic, too, suffered a prolonger cliffhanger after I traipsed merrily away and forgot about it for like a year, uncertain it'd ever get finished, until one day I was rereading it and was struck with inspiration like whoa. This fic, too, it about a Bad Dad(TM) whose grief holds him back from not just his own happiness, but others' too, and who has to commit to moving on before he can get together with his love interest. If this is a genre, it might be an extremely specific one (or maybe I'm just being the change I need to see in the world and filling it with Men Taking Responsibility).

I liked writing this because it was just so silly. The plot is a disguised 5+1 trope: Kotetsu wants Barnaby to start dating, and so he keeps pushing him to go on random ass dates (5) with random ass people until the resolution of the romance (1). Hijinks ensue naturally from that, and the only thing you do is follow.

Also, Kotetsu's POV narration is a TREAT. He's a big, bumbling, vice-ridden jock whose friend group treats him as an overgrown toddler, and for a very good reason. But he's also a middle-aged man who never aged out of his Peter Pan phase for fear of leaving behind the self his wife had married. He's hilarious, but he's also chock-full of coping mechanisms, avoidance chief among them. I loved how his perspective made the entire story feel so grounded. He's the kind of guy who commutes on public transport, goes to grubbly little cafes, grabs beer with his mates, and leaves way too long between apartment cleans. He's real, and when he does something stupid, the consequences are real too.

But perhaps the most impactful thing I'll always remember about Outline of Someone's Bank is how I rewrote its female side characters. One of the people Barnaby dates is called Erin, and in one of the drafts, Erin was meant to be an antagonist. Then it hit me: entirely without meaning to, I'd written an evil career woman stepping between two sympathetic gays to ruin everything. Internalised misogyny will get you, people.

I'm pretty happy with how Erin's story turned out in the end. She's still not pleasant, because she's just not that pleasant a person, but she's sympathetic and genuinely connects with Barnaby on a human level. She's a strong, decisive character, and the fact that I'd nearly flattened her to a prop disturbs me. It's a good reminder that thoughtlessness and trope-following usually makes for flat, boring writing, and being intentional makes it a lot better.

...Also, this story has a beach episode. I like rereading it.

Outline of Someone's Back lives here.

<- previous

-> next (tbc)

[transpathfinder]

veilguard thots

[massive plot spoilers]

ok i did say i was gonna write up some brief thoughts after i completed but first of all before i start, as a lucanismancer i just want to say any lucanismancer who hates neve kys. you are not affiliated with me don't even speak to me or breathe in my direction. and bioware, idk when u will realise i have 2 hands. 1 is for lucanis 1 is for neve and my spare dick is for spite so just get with the programme

alright that being said... yeah i didn't really like the game much. i think it's easily the weakest DA game, which i consider a pretty big failing since i am not someone who thinks inquisition is good. i had a lot of problem with inquisition's main story and open world, but somehow veilguard's story is. Worse. i don't even have the energy to get into supervillain evil blighted elvhen gods, turning the old gods as stupid little dragon thralls, because obviously, again, nothing pagan or elemental matters, they're not real, they're not godly or saintly or divine, just stupid animals. making the antaam breakaway into this crazed faction you keep fighting cos they absolutely had zero ideas or interest in tying positively into qunari culture you can have a relationship with, it becomes an easy excuse - ''they're not reeeeaally qunari teehee'' first of all, crafting both the antaam and venatori into easily siding with supervillain elvhen gods who want to bring the blight to the world is fucking weak and pathetic excuse for it cos it doesn't even make sense with their goals/ideologies. a very, very cheap entry into the lore, i think lazy and diminishes the world as well the utter thinness of companion background and conversations. i know there's no dialogue wheel, but to me that's a basic aspect of getting to know in-depth background lore about factions, status of the worldstate, different parties' political ideologies and leanings, in standard video game infodumps cos yes this is still a video game, you need to write for it rather than focus on the realism of how conversations play out.... u can't even call solas a monster without morrigan attempting to school you like you're 5. this game wants you to suck solas' dick so bad as if the rest of us from inquisition didn't already peg him as a person who wants to cause genocide. veilguard only told us he already caused it once and now wants to do so again, but in 2 entire games, he is constantly made to be this sympathetic and deep figure that i'm supposed to be enamoured and intrigued by and want to save. why would i want to save this thousand plus year old mf who eradicated a race knowingly!! this game doesn't even give me the opportunity to kill him, i was so disappointed by my 3 choices in the end with him, of which 2 are literally functionally the exact same. there's no way i was gonna redeem this piece of shit even though i had mythal's essence peacefully or whatever the fuck yeah this other abuser piece of shit is also a hero now that morrigan carries lmafoo give me a break. all da2 did was demonise anders over and over again, and again in inquisition. these chars are not even in the same universe of ''crimes they've committed'' and yet, the disparity in writers sucking one dick and trying to get u to hate the other is crazy. i hate white liberals soo much fuck all of you!!!! bitchass mfs

which brings me to why i think this game is so thin and written so childishly - it's desperate to be liked. it wants to be liked by the masses sooo bad, that it becomes nothing to me. everyone is sweet, everyone is lovely, all factions are uwu heroes, even antivan crows, who torture and abuse children but hey nvm they're cool heroes now with no nuance. i loved all the crew, but the game makes it exactly so. no difficult stances to combat, nothing akin to any previous DA game, where there's at least a companion or 2 people would find their nerves fray over, which is the point. this is the only game that feels so typically found family where everyone loves each other, because it's deliberately made to be that way. a child's idea of big threats and saving the world and everyone happy in traditional hero centric journey with a team.

BUT EVEN THAT... it doesn't commit to it fully, because it so desperately also wants to teach u a lesson on how not everyone can survive this. so... yeah... harding died in my pt, and u know what? i felt nothing until the credits rolled. cos i straight up thought it wasn't real and we'd just get her back later. like she got stabbed and fell into the pit and i felt zero emotion cos i was like o okay she's injured we'll wait for this cutscene to end and next bit we'll look into a new sub-quest for finding her or something cos ofc i had already completed all personal quests, there's no way she would die unless the player didn't do it. and until the credits rolled i didn't believe she had cos i was just so stumped this game even pulled that... imagine the heartbreak and betrayal players who romanced her would have felt? it's soo shitty wtf... no idgaf how ''unrealistic'' it is everyone survives. this is a video game built off fun rp-ing and romances, which is a core bioware feature. you don't write romances and entice people on that front and then turn around and pull this shit. my god i'd have been livid but by then i was ready for the game to end so i already found myself semi-exhausted by the experience since i was maxed out at level 50 and already clocked in over 120++ hours taking my time with it slowly. certainly not something i binged through

it's not a horrible game... i do think the linear playstyle and the no death toggle was critical in my getting through it. i love the deviation from open world, and obviously, the lucanis romance really carried me through cos i adore the character and very much fell in love with him and the romance... and while like i said, i do love the crew as a whole, i can't shake the feeling away that it's an empty game void of classic DA mannerisms of choices and conflict of prior entries that i have strong memories of. i don't hate it and i'll still replay it in future if i do a DA run, but it hasn't captivated me enough. i may sound very angry in this write up but honestly i'm pretty chill in my explanation and thoughts about disliking this game. it's nothing to me. this DA game feels so bitchless and sauceless with no identity apart from ''wow i hope everyone loves this game i'm making this as palatable to for mass consumption as possible'' from hero to weak basic story to lack of imports from earlier games to classic hack-n-slash combat. definition of mid.

[get-hamilton-on-your-side]

I've been seeing posts like these going around lately, and I don't want to start Discourse™️, but I do think it's an interesting conversation to be had.

OP mentions that this is a sentiment occurring in younger viewers, and I think there are lots of reasons for this response. I'm in my early twenties, and growing up, romance was pretty much guaranteed for any book/movie/TV series with a YA audience, even if it wasn't specifically in the romance genre. There were largely popular romance series, of course, (Twilight, The Selection, etc.), but romance was also integral to several series NOT centered around romance. The Series Which Shall Not Be Named ends in a hetero utopia, where basically every member of the original crew grows up, marries each other, and all have kids. Almost every main character of Rick Riordan's series experiences a committed romantic relationship, with the exception of Reyna, (although she's mostly a side character throughout HoO) and Meg (who is a god, and an actual child). The Hunger Games has fewer romantic pairings, but the marketing for those movies were very dedicated to the "love triangle" narrative between Katniss, Peeta, and Gale.

The dedication to establishing romantic relationships does appear somewhat differently for male/masculine and female/feminine coded characters well. For example, I've seen multiple series have a sort of "7th wheel syndrome" where one member of a friend group is made fun of and/or left out in some way because they're the only one not in a relationship. Shows like The Big Bang Theory majorly have this problem, where every character's main goal in life is to fall in love and have a family. In TBBT, Raj has major dating troubles and actually ends up settling for an arranged marriage because his friends are all married and he doesn't want to end up alone. Riordan's HoO series, once again, paints Leo as a tragic figure for being the only single person on the Argo II, but his self worth is finally in tact by the end of the series when he saves the day and gets the girl. Fez in That 70s Show is regularly made fun of for his inability to get a girl. It's not lost on me that many of the male characters in these situations are POC.

While male characters are set up with a last-minute shoehorned romance, female characters (particularly white women) are often given a love interest planned from the beginning. I love Marissa Meyer's Lunar Chronicles but I was kind of dumbfounded by the end because every one of the 8 major characters ends the series in a committed relationship. Every single Disney princess up until 2012 had a prince (although, this has since changed---the only princess post-2012 with a prince is Anna).

And then, of course, you have the plethora of sitcoms that end with every character (or at least every main character) happily in a relationship. New Girl, Parks and Rec, Friends, The Office, The Good Place, Ghosts (US). Even shows like Phineas and Ferb assure the audience that the couples stay together when they're grown up. Almost every Marvel and DC superhero has a love interest, and most action heroes have a girl to save.

Don't get me wrong, I think many of the romances in the media I've talked about so far are good, well-written, and well-established. But based on the previous track-record of shoehorned romances, that is a concern I have about shows like Stranger Things (I won't talk much about The Bear because I haven't seen that show). Stranger Things has highlighted friendship as a major theme in the show, but as the characters have grown older, they've explored various romantic relationships as well. Many people online have already discussed how they fear relationships will be shoehorned in at the end of Season 5, since it is the final season. Ships like stancy, where it's clear that they wouldn't really work well together. I agree with Maya Hawke's sentiment about delving deeper into her friendships. It has been established that she has a crush on Vickie, but we've barely seen them together, and in a show that has to balance SO many different characters, I'm not sure it would serve the show well to put Robin in a romantic relationship. (There is, of course, another conversation to be had about how minority characters are presented in romantic relationships in media. Lesbian relationships are less commonly found in media and they can be really important to some viewers. My agreeing with Hawke is just my 2 cents as an ace lesbian. Other users have also mentioned that when it comes to The Bear, it can be harmful to perpetuate that a Black woman character shouldn't be in a relationship with the main white guy. I haven't seen the show and I myself am not Black, so I won't weigh in on that aspect, but it is another thing to consider in this conversation).

With romance so prevalent in media, it makes sense that our generation is taking a steep turn in the other direction. We've been shown all our lives that romance and sex trumps friendship in importance, but that's not how many of us actually live. Younger people are having sex less. I'm 22 and I'd say half of my friends are not currently in a romantic relationship, and many of them aren't looking for one. I know plenty of adults as well who are happily single, not looking for any more romance in their lives. Even the way people are experiencing romantic and sexual relationships is vastly different from what is shown on TV as there are more openly queer individuals, queer platonic relationships, and polyamory is becoming more prevalent.

I'm not an expert by any means, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. This is all based on my own observation and there is still a lot of media out there that don't have romance as a focal point, media like The Lord of the Rings, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Letterkenny, Bob's Burgers, Reservation Dogs, What We Do in the Shadows, Derry Girls. Shows like Doctor Who have characters in romantic relationships, but the romance is never placed above friendship with the Doctor. The amount of romance in a piece of media also relies on the genre it's in. I've mainly been discussing comedies, science fiction, and action, but other media such as horror, for example, treats romance and sexuality differently.

Still, showing romance, sex, and innuendo in media isn't counterculture, as is suggested by that second Twitter post. It's almost everywhere you look (and lots of kid shows/movies even include those kinds of jokes, as is shown by the amount of videos I've seen titled "I Didn't Get This Joke as a Kid.") I know we're on the internet so people don't care if they hurt other people's feelings, but acting like people who want a little less romance are immature or stupid can be hurtful. There's room for all different types of relationships.

TL;DR, I think a lot of people are just tired of media treating romance and sex as the most important relationship you can have with a person. We're not saying no media should have romance or sexuality or innuendo in it. It's just that as media diversifies, I think it's important to diversify the types of relationships highlighted as well. There's room for romance, sex, and friendship in media, and I don't think people should judge others for wanting positive representation of friendship.

[cynicalrecoverysociety]

I work a high stress desk job and finding breaking from stress eating extremely difficult, if not impossible. Any tips or things that helped you in the start? I need to lose about 100lbs but I can't seem to fight off the munchies

This is a bit of a difficult question because it's mainly a mental shift that came with healing. I realized one day that overeating was self harm just like cutting and pulling out your hair and I became kinda sick at the thought of turning to it. But that's only helpful when it's really obvious imo I think that it can be a lot more insidious.

So my main strategy is fasting I guess? I'm not a super strict faster like if I get really hungry I'll just eat something but I usually don't get hungry until 3ish and by then it's not long until dinner so I just wait it out. If I plan on eating something pretty decadent that night I try to fast all day, if I'm having a relatively light dinner I might eat something earlier but usually once I start eating for the day I'm inclined to keep eating whether I'm hungry or not. So I usually fast from like 9ish the night before until dinner at 5-6 and then I snack like all night lol. I have a creami and have a 150 cal sorbet of 1 cup fruit, 1 cup almond milk and 1 tbsp sugar every night. Plus low fat cheese sticks (Aldi brand is the best), fruit, turkey sticks (again Aldi is the best), veggies and ranch which I make from low fat sour cream and a packet of ranch powder.

I am going to be so fucking for real with you right now: I would never have been able to lose the weight without therapy. But I can also tell you the tools therapy gave me that you need to succeed are theoretically attainable outside of it and they are

An absolutely radical commitment to reality

The ability to acknowledge the part you play in your own suffering

Taking EXTREME accountability for your own choices and actions

There were more things of course but these are the core tenants of my life that keep me grounded and whole.

But that was probably not very practical advice. Some books I've liked are The Complete Guide to Fasting by Jason Fung, Life is Hard, Food is Easy by Linda Spangle and its guided journal companion 100 Days of Weight Loss and the How to Not Die Cookbook.

This is turning into a novel lol but it really is mostly a mental shift. You must decide what your priorities are and act in accordance with them in the small moments. I have reframed every decision I make towards health as a beautiful, loving gift to myself. I am taking myself by the hand and gently teaching little me "baby . . . . this won't make it better". Choosing health and weight loss is the best gift I could ever give myself. I decided losing weight was one of the most important things to me and I have to put it over other priorities. Imust continue to choose it every day, multiple times a day literally forever. I live my life giving myself tiny gifts. The gift of another workout that makes me stronger. The gift of another glass of water. The gift of clean laundry and a washed face. I take care of myself because I love myself and I deserve the life I always wanted.

No one is coming to save you. You can't pick the lock. This will never be easy. You simply must decide you are worth the effort.

[epersonae]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @yerbamansa, thanks!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

169 😅 150 of which are for The Adventure Zone (I wrote a LOT of small fic for TAZ, and just a lot of TAZ fic in general)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

604,338, which remains absolutely wild to me. I hit the half-million mark this year.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Our Flag Means Death, but previously The Adventure Zone, and I have one Star Trek (TOS movies) fic.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Sea of Love (Our Flag Means Death (TV)) (6,697 words)

Phoenix Fire (The Adventure Zone (Podcast)) (2,031 words)

Commit to the Bit (Our Flag Means Death (TV)) (2,471 words)

Dinner & Conversation (The Adventure Zone (Podcast)) (826 words)

I have begun to long for you (Our Flag Means Death (TV)) (4,185 words)

Yeah, ok, some fun reunion porn for the big fandom and a collab with two pretty popular writers for the small fandom make sense for that top two in particular.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, especially since I don't get that many, and I love getting comments so much that I just want to share my appreciation. Sometimes the spoons are low, sometimes I don't know what to say except "thanks!" and if someone just commented on several chapters I might not do that for all of them.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well, Phoenix Fire is the Worst Ending, aka the destruction of the entire universe, plus unbearably sad between the main characters, so yeah.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I do have quite a bit of fluffy fic (Commit to the Bit comes to mind, there's also a Fantasy Costco Kravitz/Taako that's very sweet), but I immediately thought of for the benefit of all the broken hearts, just because it takes an incredibly bittersweet ending of the fic it's fixing and says FUCK THAT, how can everyone get a happy ending instead?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've never gotten any, even managed to avoid the twitter wank that WFU got when I wrote fics of it! (long ago, I did get some vagueblogging about some stuff in my TAZ fic, but nothing ever addressed directly at me)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

That is where I started and why I started (my first smutty fic is pretty bad imho but it was popular, relatively speaking, because for a bit there it was the only unlocked smut for that pairing); my original rarepair was M/F bi4bi in a complicated polycule, and so there's some them+others works in there. (readers of for the benefit of all the broken hearts are nodding along like "ok this tracks") beyond that, I'm just going to say go look at my work.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Is for the benefit of all the broken hearts (and the rest of that series) a crossover??????? Like I'm legitimately staring into space thinking about the boundary line between modern AU and RPF and........ HUH.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

DO PEOPLE DO THAT

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

183 thousand words in a series: the only life you could save, with my beloved Ryn, when we were "just friends" - started as our attempt to co-write a reconciliation between Taako and Lucretia, and spun out into an entire timeline with themes spanning before the Stolen Century all the way into post-canon. Some pieces we wrote separately, much of it we wrote together. Even the last piece, which I published after Ryn died, includes a section that they wrote, about Taako trying to cope with Lucretia's death.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Probably Mulder/Scully lol, tho I don't know if I've ever read any fic of them????

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

One of my very first TAZ fics was a Hurley/Sloane backstory fic that was going to be basically a beat-for-beat retelling of The Fast and the Furious (oh, I guess that's also sort of a crossover?), but I only ever wrote the first chapter. I would love to write it at some point, because I think it would be fun as hell.

I'd also love to finish my TAZ Amnesty fic, sweetness follows, which is friends-to-lovers post-canon Minerva/Duck.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Character voice, I think. Possibly a stupid depth of canon knowledge for whatever the canon is, and I think I have a knack for figuring out how to reincorporate those details. Honestly, it's hard for me to say "oh these are my strengths and weaknesses", or at least today I'm having trouble pinning that down.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Punctuation Pokemon, or rather, my sentences do get very tangly. I find endings really tricky, I've done a lot of work thinking through how to stick the landing. (This is one of the ways in which Ryn continues to live in my head, because they could always spot when I hadn't quite made it.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Alas my Spanish (high school and college) is too rusty to even try, and I don't know any other languages.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Adventure Zone, although I wrote quite a bit of Agatha Christie pastiche in junior high, and a lot of Anne Rice influenced original fiction in high school and college.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I love a lot of my fic, it's fun to go back and look and say "oh that!", and The Reckoning Arrives is up there, of course, because I loved writing it, and it saved my life. ("she's survived the impossible before" got me out of my marriage and 2 years later got me through the hospital. "you're here, so be here" got me through what came after that.)

But it does have to be for the benefit of all the broken hearts - she lives in my head, still, and I feel incredibly proud of all the work I put into it, the technical work, the emotional work.

---

Not tagging anybody, but PLEASE! if you feel like talking about your writing, do it!

[plasmalink]

Asuka Spells Tier List (from a floor 9 player)

Because I can't find an Asuka discord, and barely hear about people talking about the character, I'm putting myself out here to talk about his spells.

warning! long ass text ahead!!!!

S - Mana regen is by far the best spell. It gives you so much more leeway on offense and defense, and easily pays for itself. This is the main reason to go into Test Case 3 IMO. Lets you regain resources just by playing defensively without needing to commit to recovering mana. Green cubes are also fantastic in neutral, usually forcing your opponent to block or commit to something huge. Gives you a moment to breathe, and it catches people way more than I'd expect. Auto Import is also huge, the other half of exodia (the former being regen) that allows you to just go NUTS with your spells. However, it fucks with my muscle memory not needing to redraw spells, meaning I frequently cast a spell, then discard the spell I just got. Oops.

A - All of these are really close. Blue cube is just a really nice, fast projectile that establishes a threat. Accipiter metron is great both if your opponent does or does not read your spells, either threatening or surprising an overhead. The bounce is huge too, giving you plenty of time to confirm into a full combo. I don't think many other characters have fast grounded overheads into full combo. Screamer just WINS round start. There's enough in TC1 to be somewhat consistent about it, too. It's also fantastic at just catching the opponent pressing buttons, or low airdashes, not even mentioning its guard crush. Fire cubes are great, but their levelling system makes them a little bit awkward to use at times. Still, a consistent level 4 or 5 fire cubes would make S tier easy. Terra metron is actually like, way better in the air? Even though it's no longer a low, it just hits at such a weird angle and distance that nobody expects, also with a nice pop-up. Works great on the ground too, but you already have your e-sports 2D in a similar niche, though with less reward. Electric cube I find is a bit worse than the speedy blue cube, but not by much. Fantastic if you're already in a combo, but it losing to a single hit or projectile makes it slightly sad in neutral. Mana discount is store brand mana regen. Similar end result, but while Mana Regen lets you take your time, get you out of mana-less state faster, and even works while you're getting comboed, discount only does anything when you are casting spells. Nice if you've already gotten a solid footing, but sometimes doesn't help.

B - Restock is nice. It's saved my ass quite a few times when I had no meter and no spells. It's also sat on my spell bar doing nothing because I have other spells I don't need to refill (Or worse, I have like two staves I can't find a moment to discard/cast). Tardus metron is mainly an Oki tool, but a very good one. The fact that it still dies in one hit or projectile gives it limited neutral use, but it certainly does lock down an opponent. Also fun when you have a staff down. Teleport is pretty situational, and I think 4 is too many copies of it in TC3. I don't like having more than two in hand at once. It raises Arpeggio and itself both a full tier when you have both, though. Great against people who don't read your spells. Boost zap is kind of a worse screamer? I rarely see it outside of level 1. Still, a worse screamer is still pretty nice. I think it's also possible to combo from midscreen? Though going fullscreen with screamer is also perfectly fine for Asuka. Arpeggio is undoubtedly cool as FUCK. However, it's slow and expensive (24% mana! That's 3 blue cubes!) to cast. Sampler is okay. Copy of the next spell you cast. Also fucks with my muscle memory like auto import. I wish it was in the same test case as Accipiter, it would be very funny for multiple overheads in a row. Aquila kind of sucks but it's also very nice to have, if that makes sense? Your only invincible move, metered or otherwise. Very nice against people who DO read your spells, as they might opt to forgo meaties on your wakeup unless they have a safejump.

C - It's hard to be mad at chaotic option, it does have some nice ass spells, but I'd also much rather just draw those spells in the first place rather than needing to cast this to draw them though. Suck staff is the funniest one, lets you perform the most heavily scaled combos known to man. One thing I'll say about all the staves though, it's annoying to have to actually cast them. They take about as much time as an electric cube, and sometimes my hand gets clogged with them and I need to manually discard them. Fast staff gives you some nice guard crushes, makes your pressure up close very nice and very annoying from afar. Slow staff is worse than fast staff, but it makes people freeze up when they see a wall of cubes, giving you plenty of time to get your shit in order and regenerate some mana. Nice after a burst. Instant mana, I don't like very much. The mana boost is appreciated, but leaving yourself without spells sucks. 53% mana on an otherwise empty hand isn't bad though. Use it when you have 50 meter to go into full order. Random import does address my issue of being stuck with 2 staffs and a teleport in your hand, but the fact that it doesn't import on empty slots hurts it.

D - Repel staff, meh. Don't like it much. Still kind of funny though Down staff: Has that instant overhead with Jump D, but I still struggle to find much use. Up staff: boing! good against may maybe? Or anyone else who really likes jump-ins?

Alright, that's the list. Any other Asuka players, feel free to light me up.

[deltaengineering]

Spring Anime 2023: It builds character

Yuri is my Job!

I really wanted to like this one. As a noted Marimite enjoyer, as much as I like the stilted, abstract and operatic vibe of Class S, I also always felt that it's also a prime avenue for metafiction that takes a closer look at how bizarre that setting really is when looked at from outside. So this show about a bunch of girls that have to act out Class S gayfabe in a themed cafe seemed to have limitless potential.

There's only two problems with Watayuri: The first one is that it's not that show. It does not really engage with its setting much and is mostly interested in just being straightforward heightened yuri drama. This seems to be a case of the Re:Zeros or Mob Psychos: The writer is intimately familiar with the tropes, but isn't really interested in actually engaging with them beyond surface level, so they just wrote essentially Another One Of Those with a few jokes.

So that's a disappointment, but since this genre is so rare in anime I'd still have gladly taken it if it was good. But... it's not. Not only is it not Metamite, it's not even a bad Marimite; It's more like a bad Citrus. Drama like this requires really good characters, and all the characters in Watayuri are gimmicky and shallow: Hime's base characteristic is that she puts up a fake personality, which is treated with all the nuance an isekai writer exhibits when they make their main character OP via giving them a cheat skill, and she has just forgotten than Yano used to be her best friend. All other drama derives from this bad idea, so none of it really works. I could go through the entire cast but this review is already too long, so suffice it to say, if they seem interesting that only lasts as long as it takes for their drama to arrive.

It's really a shame, because even with these simplistic, unlikeable characters you could have made an entertaining, (early) Kaguya-ish comedy — which is why the few instances where they do exactly that save the show from being worthless. But still, having to admit the best episode in the entire thing is the one where the new uniforms make Yano's breasts look too big really points out the problem here. 5/10

Skip and Loafer

Skip and Loafer does raise a profound question: Can a show be so much of a 6/10 that it becomes a 5/10? I'm honestly surprised how little I enjoyed this show, because there's nothing really obviously wrong with it: it's lighthearted, cute, amusing, relatable, etc., and I've enjoyed many a banal Kiraralike in the past. But in the end, I think the reason is that there really isn't anything substantive to Skip and Loafer. It's bland and inoffensive to a fault and devoid of anything even remotely edgy. It's not funny enough to work as a comedy, it's not a romance because it really doesn't commit to that, and we'll get to the "drama".

The only really driving factor (and the show's biggest asset, as it were) is Mitsumi's tryhard but good-natured personality, and that can only get the show so far, especially since all the character development she gets is to become more normal and boring. As an aside that doesn't really fit anywhere else: I also really dislike hearing the clipped, stilted way Kurosawa delivers her lines in this show, which is weird because she's usually a very good actress. Shima is just boring from the start and has no chemistry with Mitsumi, and when he imports some contrived crazy ex drama into the show at the end it's eyerollingly stupid, but hey, that's as close to "something happening" as the show ever gets. Not that it matters with how inconsequential it is. The supporting cast is generally mildly amusing, but they're just sort of there and don't offer anything meaningful besides their presence.

Sure, none of those issues are close to dealbreakers, but what's lacking is a deal in the first place. I can understand why someone would like the show and I would not recommend against it, but it's just way too shallow. Even for me. 5/10

Jigokuraku

If you want to know what's bad about Jigokuraku, here it is: Glacial pacing, an intense amount of jargonbabble, flashbacks in the middle of fights everywhere, running commentary by bystanders on everything that happens, random powerups galore, and no ending.

However, I would assume that nobody saw the first episode and went away thinking "oh boy, sure hope this isn't an extra edgy shounen fighting manga". It most definitely is what it is, but with expectations duly adjusted, Jigokuraku is... fine, actually. It's got cool visuals, good production values, a fantastic OP (if nothing else, the show's a good excuse to listen to that song once a week), and most importantly really good characters for a show like this. None of them are particularly deep, but when they're just there to:

Be mammals,

Fight ALL the time,

Have the purpose to flip out and kill people,

I'm already content if they're more interesting than the ISO standard Shounen Jump (i.e., Dragonball Z) cast. It's just fun seeing Sagiri fret over whether she's really good enough at beheading people, or Gabimaru doing everything for a wife that may or may not exist, or Yuzuriha getting out her... well, let's stop this here. This show is cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet. 6/10

Otaku Edomae Elf

I was pretty skeptical of this one at the beginning, because self-serving otaku jokes tend to get very old and also because the author uses RPG Elves as a shortcut to "immortal ancient being", which isn't a sign of high ambitions, especially nowadays. And while the elf part doesn't really matter one way or the other, the majority of the show is indeed Elda being a nerd and doing nerd things. It's not a large majority though, and the rest of the show provides an interesting thematic framework to hang the jokes on. The real core of the show is the odd couple relationship between Koito and Elda, with the former desperately wanting to be an adult while the latter has been around for practically forever while still being completely immature. It's very cute and sweet, and it's even better in the occasional moments where it becomes bittersweet because both of them are well aware of the only way this can end up. Skip and Loafer take note: you don't have to have much, but you have to have something.

It of course helps that Edomae Elf (the name that I prefer, for obvious reasons) is well made; It's very expressive and has good comedic timing, which are the key factors for a sitcom like this. I'll also note the OP; it goes unreasonably hard and is possibly even better than Jigokuraku's. And even if otaku jokes are a low-hanging fruit, the show usually does a good job with them. The exactly one (1) legally obligated history lesson per half-episode feels a bit too forced though. And that's pretty much it with this anime, it's not the most ambitious but it's very charming and moderately thoughtful, even if its structure is holding it back somewhat. 7/10

Heavenly Delusion

Very rarely do we get a TV anime where the main artistic impulse just seems to be "we don't give a fuck what you think, lol", but here it is: Heavenly Delusion is mostly just wild. Sure, postapocalyptic roadmovies aren't exactly a new idea, but I usually like them, so that's a good start, and this one in particular comes with an interesting setting and a bunch of great characters. But what really elevates Heavenly Delusion is its command of tone, or in particular, its ability to run circles around tone issues. This show can snap from comedy to drama to mystery to action to horror unpredictably and quickly, and it's a marvel that any of this works at all, but on top of that it has a fondness for exceedingly touchy subjects and each episode could probably come with its own unique set of trigger warnings. It really reminds me of a Fire Force without the shounen bullshit, and that's high praise.

Clearly the writer has a lot of skill, but the anime direction and production takes it to the next level. Heavenly Delusion has great direction and movie-level production values throughout, and then does flexes like getting a bunch of KyoAni guys in to make a mawkish KyoAni episode that's better than anything KoyAni has made in years, and later getting a bunch of TRIGGER guys in to make a wacky TRIGGER episode that's better than anything TRIGGER has done in years. Ya love to see it.

But given all the hairy stuff this show attempts, it can't have a 100% success rate, right? And no, it does not always succeed. It's not even a surprise that it happens, it's rather a surprise it only happens so late, at the ending – where it hurts the most. For starters, it doesn't really have an ending. That's to be expected from an ongoing and long manga, but it's still a bummer. But more critically, said abrupt stoppage happens right after one of the grimmest arcs in the show. This is sadly the one point where the tone falls apart; they didn't want to end on a down note, but it just doesn't work to go from ultra rape o'clock to "our fun adventure continues, bye :D" in one and a half scenes. The show has dealt with heavy material before and it has proven it can pull off the swerve off, but in that instance it just runs out of air time before it can actually do it. So while it's unreasonable to expect the show to be several times as long as it is, it would at least have sorely needed one more episode to uncompress its ending. I guess that if you consistently play with fire, you get burnt eventually, but at least there were pretty lights. A second season would be much appreciated. 8/10

The Witch from Mercury

Back when G-Witch started its break, I said that "all they have to do was not mess with a good thing". Obviously, they messed with a good thing and Sulemio cuteness was replaced with them both suffering alone for the majority of the second half. So now what? The plot in this second half is best described as "messy". Notably, it's lacking in throughline: First it's all about opaque machinations and corporate backstabbing, then lol jk that doesn't matter and everyone pulls a Death Star out of their ass, and then that gets resolved with the Power of Love™ and vague Newtype mysticism. Gundams gonna Gundam, I suppose. Towards the end it also obviously runs out of time, and everything needs to happen very quickly, yet it still keeps on piling on subplots for various reasons — be it corporate franchise mandates like "we made a Schwarzette toy, now deal with it somehow", some thing that was set up ages ago that now has to pay off somehow no matter what (like Notrette's whole deal) or just the pure mechanics of shuffling pieces into place for something that never needed to be this complicated in the first place.

However, despite this large-scale jank G-Witch still ends up a very good show purely based on its writing detail. It doesn't really matter all that much that scenes barely fit together and are jammed against each other without connective tissue when the scenes themselves almost always deliver on their own terms. In particular, G-Witch consistently has great character moments no matter how weird the route to get to them is. That dumb Lauda subplot that's only there to sell HG Schwarzettes? Its true payoff is the best Felsi moment in the show when she just walks in and aborts the misbegotten plot tumor. Was it really worth it making a whole "Guel stumbles into Iron-Blooded Orphans" episode when the show desperately needed more time to wrap up its main plot? Maybe not, but Guel getting told by random ass mercenaries that he needs to man the fuck up before him doing exactly that is just an extremely satisfying moment no matter what.

And while the epilogue is a bit flat on the plot side, it has to be said that while cheesy as hell it takes the time to send every character off properly and gives everyone a happy ending (Sulemio paying off in the end isn't much of a surprise since I don't think that Ookouichi wants to spend the rest of his life in the witness protection program). That is pretty much the show in a nutshell, ultimately it's less well constructed than it sh/c-ould have been and it's held back by being a Gundam show after all, but it's always entertaining, and that is what matters the most. 8/10

Insomniacs After School

While I don't know why I dislike Skip and Loafer, I am also not quite sure why I love this show so much. The concept takes some suspension of dislike right away, because I am extremely skeptical of "sadboi stumbles into magical girlfriend that's prefect but only compatible with him in this one specific random way". But boy, once it gets rolling it nails the whole "first love, also big seishun energy" in a rare form that we haven't seen since Tsuki ga Kirei. It's all in the characters once again, and Ganta in particular is exceptionally well constructed. He seems whiny and self-centered at first, but as it turns out, yeah, he's supposed to be like that (his first big character development milestone is him realizing that other people have problems too and that his woe-is-me attitude isn't helpful), plus he has a very understandable reason. He still has that attitude, but now we know he can't help it. It's the rare case of "relatable" and "backstory drama" done right - the drama is there, but it's in the past, can be established in a tiny amount of time and doesn't suck the enjoyment out of the present. And then you can drag it up and swiftly deal with it when the story calls for it — The point is not to have maximum drama onscreen, but to motivate the characters. Magari has this going too (even if I think she still ends up being a bit too "perfect" for my taste, to be honest), and even Yui, someone we know almost nothing about, ends up feeling unique and well rounded, so I think it's fair to say that Skip and Loafer's lacking characters are just a skill issue. Add to that a more one-note but enjoyable supporting cast, and you have a banger of feelgood, wholesome and yes, monumentally cheesy puppy love about a bunch of cute dorks that you can't help but grin about. The production values don't always quite hold up, but who cares when it knows what it wants to be and goes all in when it needs to, and yes, it does have as satisfying and ending as you can expect from one of these. Grand fromage avec compétence is probably not the palate cleanser for everyone, but it's my blog so skill with it. 9/10

[v-67]

Soooo....I binge watched Junji Ito Maniac: Japanese tales of the Macabre today...

And I don't watch horror at all. At all. I once tried watching a horror comedy and I saw a floating head of a baby, I switched that thing off at godspeed.

I do watch thrillers though, psychological thrillers, gore..that's all fine since they have an explanation. Explanation eases things, uncertainty makes my heart go huh???

So anyways. Back here.

These consist spoilers!!!!

....

Episode 1 : The strange Hikizuri siblings... When I started this episode, I was expecting a very horror-like eeriness popping up. I realised the creator must want us to be eased into it so I went on with it.

Episode 2 : The story of mysterious tunnel//Ice cream bus.... THIS WAS EERIE. The mysterious tunnel was so eerie. The way you feel your nerves slowly creeping up wondering what what what.// Ice cream bus was disturbing. Made me feel like cannibalism in a weird way.

I must admit the concepts are really cool throughout the series. Scary, disturbing, eerie, the screams, the art, the animation, the pale figures, the sounds, concepts and settings. Really cool.

Episode 3 : Hanging balloon. No comments. Fuck. But when the guy pops up that girls balloon head and the actual girls body gets all poof and the way it's so gorey with her eye balls popping out, fuck. Also, this episode gave very black mirror vibes. ALSO why would she open the window directly without even checking if it's her brother or what. Okay yes she hadn't eaten for a while and the loneliness and scariness must've gotten to her...so in a way yeah, makes sense.

Throughout the series, I felt like, why would they make such stupid decisions, why aren't you running away. Why why why why why. But then I'd remember this one post, the characters from the story aren't aware they're in a horror genre.

Episode 4 : Four x four walls. Made me feel really scared in the most claustrophobic way possible. Glad that nothing really happened to anyone. But this Soichi character, was he somehow a representation of the main character in some way? Since the theme song involves him as well...I was wondering. Does the author in any way represent him as a part of his own self...the last episode is also about Soichi and his fam.

The sandman's lair : no comment. Okay small comments since I need to sleep. Woman why will you untie him when he himself told you not to. I get it. I get it. But dayum. 60 percent eeriness felt.

Episode 5 : Intruder... i don't think I completely understood this one.

Long hair in the attic : SCARY. THE TEETH NOISE. I HAD TO LOWER THE VOLUME BECAUSE I WAS NOT READY FOR THAT.

Episode 6 : Mold... I really felt bad for the guy, he didn't even want to rent the place and his idiot brother made him, and then what kinda brother doesn't even warn his own brother about shit like that. I felt really bad for the guy.

Library vision... NGL this was really really disturbing. The noises, the sounds, the way the character is voiced. 12/10 disturbing.

Episode 7 : Tomb Town... THIS WAS THE COOLEST EPISODE. scary yes, eerie yes, the concept explored was so beautifully executed. The murder. The consequences. The guilt. The end. However I don't understand why the family of that girl committed suicide...I mean...all three of them?

.....

Okay, so I was very sleepy and I saved this in the drafts without completing the whole thing.

So I'll be completing it now. Because I want to ^•^

.....

Episode 8 : Layers of terror/ the thing that drifted ashore

Episode 9 : Tomie was creepy as hell. However part of me feels the book will be even more creepy. And more detailed. And I wish I hadn't watched this episode. And I know I may regret reading it because I'm not a horror genre person, but I'm still going to read it. So, let's see.

Episode 10 : Unendurable labyrinth/the bully. : I think, the bully was one of the most psychologically disturbing episodes I've seen. It made me creep out a lot. I still think about this episode and the human tendencies from time to time. Has to be the creepiest one as it depicts the ugly reality of humans as well.

The mountains one was weird as well. I will never fucking enter something like that, remembering those monks on the walls, fuck. What the hell.

Episode 11 : Alley/headless statue.

Scary 10/8

The headless statue was 😭😭😭😭.

Episode 12 : Whispering woman/ Soichi's beloved pet

Whispering woman was fine. But at the end, those whispers just felt gnawing. It was also a bit sad. But creepy nevertheless.

Soichi's beloved pet, I got no comments for this one.

[bookmuseum]

[REVIEW] The Memory Police by Yōko Ogawa

3/5 stars (★★★)

"Maybe there's a place out there where people whose hearts aren't empty can go on living."

I'm long past my dystopian and speculative fiction phase, but I still found Ogawa's The Memory Police quite intriguing, albeit kind of slow-paced in a boring way. It reminded me a lot of Han Kang's writing, but not nearly as enthralling. I only really couldn't stop reading once I got to the last 50ish pages.

The book's initial concept is certainly interesting, but I feel like Ogawa didn't do as much with it as she could have. The novel doesn't have much of a plot and at no point does the reader even believe the main problem of "mass forgetting" will get solved or even explained. Ogawa wasn't concerned with finding a solution; she was more concerned about how the complete absence of it affected human beings, which I think is quite humble and reflects well with the narrator's goal of writing novels for the sake of writing novels. You can't save anyone or yourself, but that never stops us from trying. Or at least looking at our lives falling apart in front of us and committing it to memory.

I found the book's first few pages depicting the small exchanges between the narrator as a young daughter and her mother, who is long dead by the time the main events of the story take place, to be the most haunting:

"'But I don't understand,' I said. 'Why are you the only one who hasn't lost anything? Do you remember everything? Forever?' . . . She looked down, as though this were something sad, so I kissed her again to make her feel better."

The narrator's innocence adds to her mother's suffering, which she now as an adult telling us this story understands but cannot rectify or apologize for because her mother's already dead. You feel the weight of her guilt, all the unspoken things she can never say. This was one of the first examples in the book where the idea of a voice being lost comes up. The "flashback" scenes with the narrator's mother were so powerful because Ogawa attests to how memory is not an individual effort, nor should it be something one carries by themselves. Memories must be shared by a people and through kinship, because if you're the only one who remembers, you experience a unique kind of loss separate from the one everyone else undergoes. The mother reassures her daughter,

"No, don't worry. It doesn't hurt, and you won't even be particularly sad. One morning you'll simply wake up and it will be over, before you've even realized. Lying still, eyes closed, ears pricked, trying to sense the flow of the morning air, you'll feel that something has changed from the night before, and you'll know that you've lost something, that something has been disappeared . . ."

But, as she tries to comfort her, and by extent the reader, who is distressed at this book's apocalyptic premise and is subconsciously thanking God that it isn't happening to them, she reveals her own loneliness and pain. And you're stuck with trying to decide what hurts more: remembering, or not remembering? It was very effective.

The mechanics of the actual forgetting in this book is purposefully elusive, which was quite well done. I wasn't frustrated or annoyed with how Ogawa never told us what exactly what was happening in explicit, step-by-step detail. I liked that it remained consistently ambiguous. At the start, I wasn't sure if what the narrator described as "forgetting" was literal or metaphorical, but then I realized it was a perfectly equal mixture of both: ". . . [B]ut no matter how I tried, no other thought came to mind." There's a double meaning in the admission: Nothing comes to mind, but nothing in itself is something, so you know she's lying, but you never find out just how much or why. The narrator, echoing her mother, repeatedly says, "It doesn't matter . . . It's all but impossible to recall the things we've lost on the island once they're gone." The narrator's detached, empty, husk-like tone is brimming with self denial, as if she's almost challenging you to contradict her amnesia the same way R insists her memory's not "really" gone, which she never actively denies because she half-hopes it's true. Nevertheless, her uncertainty and fragile sense of reality makes the reader subconsciously distrust her words, but we can do nothing beyond take it at face value. And once you do that, you quickly realize, yes, she's right, the truth isn't as important as the principles by which it's obscured. The pain is all you need to feel, and you do feel it. The characters who can still remember like R try to fight against the forgetting, -- both metaphorically and literally -- but the narrator and the others who also forget understand all too well that their resistance does nothing but adds to their agony. They must bear the burden of forgetting while also comfort the ones who cannot do the same: "What's gone is gone completely. I have no seeds inside me, waiting to sprout again. I have to make do with a hollow heart full of holes." This sadness was most potent when she "forgot" about her parents' photographs, her father's birds, her mother's secret things in the drawers, her novels, and so on:

"This bird, which should have been intertwined with memories of my father, was already unable to elicit any feelings in me at all. It was nothing more than a simple creature, moving through space as a function of the vertical motion of its wings."

You can feel the dislocated sorrow and loss in her words, as if there's so much of it but nowhere to go, which becomes doubled since you as the reader "remember" what she's struggling so hard to hold onto, but you cannot help her. How do you tell someone about birds? Words aren't enough. Even though you learn early on that her mother passes away, we take over as the ones bearing witness to the narrator losing things, as well as take on the solemn responsibility of preserving their memory like R does.

If you go with the totalitarian metaphor, Ogawa's describing the process by which a dictatorial state conditions people not to think critically via memorial, but the actual act of forgetting is never achieved because you can't erase memories, just suppress them. TMP takes it a step further though because the narrator claims she quite literally can't remember what she's forgotten so she doesn't think about it beyond scraps and shimmers of recollections, but what's most striking is that there's still grief in the would-be memory. Even though "[s]oon enough, things are back to normal, as though nothing has happened, and no one can even recall what it was that disappeared," the temporal disconnect and void left behind is achingly palpable; the memory is gone, but the memory of the memory still lingers. The people on the island get things taken away from them one by one, but they still have to keep going and live with the grief. Even though everyone tells themselves that it's a relief and that they can persist, their relief barely hides the disappointment: "When the others outside realized what had disappeared, they too seemed relieved. They returned to their morning duties, leaving me alone to stare at the sky." It's true there's freedom in renouncing something, but these people don't actually give up anything willingly; it's all taken away from them, but they fool themselves into thinking there's an element of control whenever something's been taken -- that it doesn't phase them so they can keep going. It's a testament to human resilience, but it's mostly tragic because you are seeing people lose themselves and everything that makes them human very slowly, like torture:

"When the voice that links the body to the soul vanishes, there is no way to put into words one's feelings or will. I am reduced to pieces in no time at all."

That's why I believe the process of "forgetting" in this book is both equally literal and metaphorical; it's obvious these people still remember to some degree, as demonstrated through their awareness and basic understanding of an object's simultaneous existence and disappearance. They can physically see and materially interact with it, which fundamentally requires memory, but it's obviously inadequate to this concept of "memory." Ogawa draws lines between cognitive memory and things like muscle memory or a brain on autopilot. Just registering something exists isn't enough to generate memory because, to do that, you need human associations and contexts to prescribe the said object with meaning. Without meaning -- without memory -- things are just things. Ogawa completely uproots the very essential nature of human memory: what's clearly happening isn't exactly mass forgetfulness or even amnesia; it's something else entirely, but the truth -- the reality of the Memory Police's totalitarian and authoritarian regime -- is too terrible to actually define, so they cover it up as "forgetting." We as the reader never actually see what's going on beyond the text, which is by default unreliable, as if even we're being monitored by the Memory Police as we read this novel. The narrator's mechanical, resolute, and almost insistent tone when describing things "disappearing" adds to the novel's atmospheric horror, reminiscent of Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis, George Orwell's 1984 and Animal Farm, and Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451:

"Men who start by burning books end by burning other men."

In many ways, the Memory Police are the ultimate embodiment and end result of the forgetting all the islanders experience, because "in a world turned upside down, things I thought were mine and mine alone can be taken away much more easily than I would have imagined. If my body were cut up in pieces and those pieces mixed with those of other bodies, and then if someone told me, 'Find your left eye,' I suppose it would be difficult to do so." I think that relates really well when people's actual body parts do start disappearing, because there's that scene in the main square where the narrator notices the Memory Police, unlike everyone else, haven't lost their legs or arms and still functioned as smoothly as they always did. There's envy and anger that they weren't affected at all, but there's also a sense of awed pity because they are incapable of experiencing the loss that keeps everyone rooted to their humanity. If asked, the Memory Police cannot find their left eyes, nor can they say or believe in anything beyond a mechanized script already set out for them. They are robotic, cold, and unfathomably void.

Ogawa's depiction of the actual Memory Police as this faceless, calculated, and inhumane mass with militaristic overtones and violent tendencies was brilliant. Like the Japanese Imperial Army (which I'm sure is what Ogawa took from when writing TMP), the Memory Police are "dressed in dark green uniforms, with heavy belts and black boots. They wore leather gloves and their guns were half hidden in holsters on their hips. The men were nearly identical, with only three badges on their collars to tell them apart." They're only differentiated by their military status -- the honors their violence affords them; otherwise they're literally empty shells that make up a collective, mindless whole. They talk in a monotonous tone that is "the same as the man who had spoken first," with absolutely nothing distinguishing them. I think what's most terrifying is that it's clear the Memory Police are all pawns and moving parts of one big clock, like the one the narrator's character gets trapped in in her manuscript, but we never find out who actually manages the clock. We never figure out who exactly is manipulating all the strings or even why the Memory Police are enforcing such ridiculous, irrational policies. Ogawa captures the absurdism and hypocrisy of an authoritarian state, which contradicts itself more than anything else: "There was no doubt that they were creating chaos, but they went about it in such a precise manner that they gave an impression of careful order." And again, their victims try to cope by telling themselves, "No one knows and no one needs to know. Time is a great healer. It just flows on all its own accord." But it not even for a second takes away from how very creepy and very surreal everything on the island is, like something from Lord of the Flies. The veneer of organization and control masks unimaginable oppression.

I spoke mostly about how TMP portrays bad things, but I don't want to finish this review without mentioning some of the novel's more hopeful parts, like when the narrator admits, "I think all this crying must be proof that my heart is so weak that I don't know how to help myself," or when she wonders, "There, behind your heartbeat, have you stored up all my lost memories?" The very fact that she keeps trying to write and tells us her story through this book undoes everything the Memory Police are doing to her. She can never disappear. Also, though I didn't really find the narrator's love story with R all that compelling -- in many ways I thought it was forced -- I still found their moments to be quite intimate and heart wrenching. I loved the small "found family" the narrator, R, the old man, and Don the dog enjoyed even for just a brief part in the book. Even though the ending was on the sad side, the memory of them being together at one point was enough to leave the novel with a bittersweet feeling: "If he was willing to be kind to me, the reason didn't matter."

The concluding image of R climbing up the stairs out of his hidden room to go meet a new day that's nowhere close to a brave new world but is nonetheless there for the taking was tremblingly poignant.

[herlenebwriter]

[REVIEW] SHATTER ME (BOOK #1)

AUTHOR: Tahereh Mafi

GENRE: YA, Dystopian, Romance, Thriller

𝗥𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚: ★✰☆☆☆ - 1.75 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘀

───※ ·𓁹· ※───

𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗩𝗜𝗘𝗪

I tend to not have great expectations for very hyped, very popular books, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that I had little to none for this one.

But what I surely didn't expect was having to sit through several chapters of:

•fifty shades of purple prose,

•barely followable internal monologue,

•ridiculous metaphors,

•numbers written in digits,

•interesting non-use of punctuation,

•exhausting recurring repetitions

•and an overwhelming amount of crossed out sentences.

The first 20-something chapters at least were quite literally packed with the aforementioned things. Going through it was almost draining – and I don't mind purple prose. I was rather under the impression that the author was trying so hard to write in a unique way and... well, they tried too hard.

⚠️Now, before anyone comes at me, I know this was the author's stylistic choice aimed to portray a mentally unstable, scared, mistreated, neglected and isolated main character in a 1st person POV. Trust me, I know, and I respect it. Actually, I think it was a great idea! But not quite as greatly executed. Probably just wasn't my cup of tea.

The plot is overall enjoyable, but it's kinda all over the place. The point is lost among the pretentious writing style and romantic sequences. More than 50% of this book bored me to death or caused a crippling "wtf" moment in my brain. The last dozen of chapters was good though. Saved the book from a cold one-star rating.

Characters are as deep as cardboard. No offense to cardboard.

I felt like none of them except the FMC made any progress at all. Not even the love interest that accompanies her throughout the entire book. The antagonist gives me the chills, and not in a positive, intriguing way. He's just insufferable, delusional and a creep.

Other characters are either narrative devices or foil. No mind of their own, let alone characterization. I felt absolutely nothing.

The dystopian worldbuilding is scattered and crushed under the overdose of romance and making out, not to mention it's shamelessly ripped off by dystopians classics.

I didn't dislike this book entirely.

But it's sad that whenever I think about it, all that comes to mind is what it could have been.

Not gonna lie, DNF-ing this book looked tempting for a while. But I still pushed through. I think I deserve a little medal for practicing my commitment.

I'm confident enough I'm going to pick up the next in the series. Maybe to answer some of my questions (hopefully!) or in the hope it'll be better than this one.

If you're still here, hi!! My name is Herlene, I'm a writer working on a fantasy series called "Chronia Chronicles" with my friend @callme-ayu, but I like reading a lot! Consider accompanying me in my first reviewing journey(!!) on this platform that scares me shitless I'm so excited about!!!

Warning: Themes of SA mentioned in the STORY section.

𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 - ★★★☆☆ 3/5 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘀

The story at its core revolves around our female protagonist, Juliette Ferrars, a girl whose touch can kill, in her journey from self loathing to self acceptance. Just that, and it would've been amazing. In fact, if you ask me, that should've been the main focus of the book. Mind you, should've.

Tl;dr: Almost the entirety of the story bored me or I just disliked. The last chapters were good. I feel like the author missed the point of the book with all the romance overload.

↓↓↓

According to the synopsis, the book I was about to read on the blissful day I picked it up should have been a YA dystopian novel about a teenage girl finding her true strenght in a world on the brink of collapse. I said, "Perfect! Introducing teens to the dystopian genre with a self growth plot is absolutely hip!"

Boy I was wrong.

The booktok/bookstagram discussions that made this book popular tended to focus on the romance, but I brushed it off as book girlies obsessiong over attractive characters and making a big deal out of a romance subplot.

They were right.

This is not a dystopia with a touch of romance, this is a romance with a touch of dystopia.

Here lies my only short-lived expectation.

But let's move on. A good 92% of the plot cringed me in ways I didn't believe possible, but also somehow managed to keep me hooked and slightly curious of what might happen. It wasn't good, but neither all bad.

Juliette Ferrars is on the brink of going completely bananas because of touch starvation and lack of human interaction, when they assign her a new, suspiciously-male-presenting, attractive cellmate: Adam Kent.

The insta love + childhood friends to lovers combo between Juliette and Adam is just not it. Insta love with a lot of denial due to unfit circumstances? Could do, but this kind of desperate love at first sight is plain annoying. We spend a ridicolous chunk of chapters witnessing Juliette being weirdly obsessed with his eyes.

“His eyes are 2 buckets of rainwater: deep, fresh, clear.”

And... a bird?

“There will be a bird today. It will be white with streaks of gold like a crown atop its head. It will fly.”

You have no idea how many times she goes on about this bird. In my wildest hopes it would've signified something like freedom, something like the mockingjay in the Hunger Games which symbolized defiance against oppression.

Well, this recurring imagery is never thoroughly addressed or explained any further for the entire duration of the book, aside from revealing Adam has it tattoed on his macho-man muscles, so I'll probably never know.

The two instant-noodle lovers leave the asylum "thanks" to Warner, the antagonist, head of sector 45, attractive, barely an adult, and a mythic, insufferable bitch.

He's obsessed with Juliette and her murderous ability, so he wants to possess her. He brings her to his headquarters (basically a prison with commodities) and puts her through cruel tribulations for another big chunk of the story. For kind of no reason other than... being eViL??

He has clear mother and anger issues, enjoys inflicting pain to others and assert his dominance, with a pinch of delusional and psychotic tendencies. But he's completely smitten with her, so it's okay...? Apparently??

Yes, he's the only real other possibility of romance for Juliette other than Cardboard Guy and I feel like throwing up whenever she admits finding him hot. And obsessing over his eyes, too.

The only chance of conflict between J and A (where she feels betrayed because he's a Big Bad Re-establishment soldier and whines internally) is resolved in a matter of paragraphs and she obsesses over his eyes and muscles all over again.

Oh yeah, turns out he can touch her! And of course we'll never know why!!

What's important is that they can smooch under the shower (after she was put through reliving her traumatic experience by Warner) and plan their escape at whatever chance possible. When Warner isn't being a psycho bitch who shoots people at a whim and tortures/ogles a poor mentally unstable 17-year-old girl, to be clear.

Fast forward to their escape, they beat Warner way too easily, he whines to Juliette not to leave, like a pathetic delusional idiot, and grabs her ankle. He doesn't die.

Good grief. We're never gonna get rid of him.

Adam and Juliette smooch while running from loaded guns and lose their tracks by entering a nuclear field, which conveniently reacts by neutralizing the tracking serum in Adam's body, find a conveniently placed shed with a conveniently stolen tank inside. They smooch some more, Juliette broods about the way Warner desperately called her name and wonders why he's able to touch her, and then they depart.

Whenever they make out, which is awfully frequent, Adam and Juliette have the power to warp the flow of time and slow the pacing of the story down to absolute boredom. UGHHH.

They take shelter in an apartment where Adam's brother James lives.

It's overall a much appreciated, short lived semblance of a normal cozy little life, but it abruptly comes to an end when Kenji, one of Adam's comrades, appears at their door wounded. They let him in and he starts being utterly irritating for at least two chapters, in a forcibly comic-relief kind of way.

It basically cycles this way: Kenji flirts with Juliette, Juliette dismisses him, Adam wants to kill him. All over again. In the most annoying way.

Fortunately Warner's soldiers find them and put an end to this unbearable charade. They run for their lives.

But THIS is where it finally gets better!! This is what saved the book from a one-star rating!! The part that finally managed to keep me on the edge of my seat!!

It happens around chapter 38-40 out of 50. This means over 50% of this book I found lame as hell, but kept reading. Don't I deserve a medal or something for committing til the end?!? /hj

During this part we finally witness Juliette showing her claws and shooting Warner, who by the way literally ASSAULTS HER (this is something I can never forgive like I noticed many others do). This scene was gut wrenching and really made me feel on edge. I was a little put off by Juliette having a positive reaction to his kisses, but I decided to interpret it as having involuntary physical reactions to SA, though aware it's still assault, as may happen to assault victims. To save what's left of my sanity.

Anyway, she girlbosses all the remaining time, punching through steel (literally! it was so cool but I wish it was explained better), saving Adam Cardboard Kent, stealing and driving a car (with no experience and being so bad she aggravates Adam's injuries, which was fun and adorable in a way).

The Omega Point plot twist was very nice, too. Juliette finally has some character development, starting to see her lethal touch as a power she can use for good and not a curse that completely ruins her life.

I wish her development was more gradual instead of blooming late and all at once. Still, it happened (better late than never!) and was satisfying to read.

Now she's ready to fight with the resistance of Omega Point! Loved this finale!

Things are changing, but this time I’m not afraid. This time I know who I am. This time I’ve made the right choice and I’m fighting for the right team. I feel safe. Confident.

Excited, even.

Because this time?

I’m ready.

Conclusions: I was hit with the realization that this last dozen of chapters represented what I would have liked to see in a YA dystopian novel. A girl always treated as a menace realizing her true potential by finding a place where she's accepted and she can put her powers to good use. The romance with Adam fell flat and flavourless, and the most part of the book revolved around it, with some ripped off worldbuilding scattered around it (I'll get to that). Not to add that it's honestly kind of disheartening that the only other option until now is the twisted guy who re-enacted her traumatic experience.

If this book had been more centered on Juliette's evolution and less on her romances, would its point have stood out better?

𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗦 - ★☆☆☆☆ 1/5 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘀

What can I say? There were a only a few prominent characters and none of them developed over the course of the story.

Unless you're James Joyce and you've decided to write Dubliners, the one principle of modern prose is that a character should reach the end of the story DIFFERENT from they way they were at the start. All of the trials that they face in-between are the reason why they change into something new.

Only one out of these characters reaches the end slightly changed. And that character is

•Juliette Ferrars

Starts out as a scrawny, socially awkward and mentally unstable 17-year-old. Neglected, mistreated and ultimately abandoned throughout all her life because of her lethal ability, it is understandable why she hasn't been able to develop the security we like to see in a female protagonist; on the contrary, she has only ever learned to despise herself as the monster everyone perceived her as. Especially after the traumatic experience of unwillingly killing a child.

She's extremely touch starved and internally conflicted because of the contrasting nature of her power and her needs. Maybe that's the reason why she clings to Adam in an unhealthy way. He's both the only person who can touch her and the only person who ever saw something good in her. For the most part of the story, she's dependent on him and his every little reaction. She needs to be wherever he is, otherwise she feels like dying or panics.

For example, when they reach Omega Point and the healers bring Adam in on a stretcher, she suffers a panic attack because she HAS to know where they're taking him and HAS to be with him at all times.

Only towards the end she shows some guts and self confidence, which was disappointingly fueled by needing to save Adam rather than herself, and only at the very end she finally accepts herself with her power.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” I try to tell him. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” But he’s not listening and I’m wondering when I became a motivational speaker. When I made the switch from hating myself to accepting myself. When it became okay for me to choose my own life.”

But the crucial thing she doesn't grow out of, is her codependency from Adam. If we consider this, she never actually had any real change, and her evolution is only on a superficial level. She changes her mindset about her ability and finds a new born purpose into fighting the Re-establishment, but still depends on Adam to feel like she deserves to live.

Speaking of Juliette, what is her power all about?? From what I could gather: if she touches a person skin to skin, she quickly drains the life force out of them; but if she wears clothes over her body or someone touches her without skin contact, nothing happens. Which begs the question: what was the fuss all about?? She was dangerous, sure, but even her own parents were afraid of her and refused to touch her, while it was THAT easy.

It is hinted that she can use the life she absorbed to augment her strenght (when she smashes through concrete and plexiglass and steel), but since she can't control it, it only happens when she's feeling strongly about something. But when she smashes through steel to save Adam, she hadn't touched anybody in days other than him, who's immune.

She's the only one able to break the bond with her victim, but somehow Kenji manages to break free when she touches him during a panic attack.

Her powes are never explained clearly or even consistently represented, but I hope in the second book my questions will be answered!

•Adam Kent (aka Cardboard Cutout)

Plain at the beginning, plain at the end. Hasn't got the faintest hint of development throughout the whole book. A cardboard cutout would have deeper personality.

There's literally nothing special about him apart from adoring Juliette, praising Juliette, loving Juliette, fussing over Juliette, having blue eyes, tightening his jaw and combing a hand through his hair. Oh yeah, and being tatted and muscular.

He never really had a personality or purpose other than being Juliette's faithful standard partner and I feel like this is the main reason why people, including me, disliked him or never felt connected or anything to him.

But hey! At least he's not a crazy bastard like

•Warner

The most unbearable disgusting motherfucking villain I've ever had the chance to read. Everything about him was either irritating or discomforting.

He's a disgusting mush of red flags slapped on a young attractive face and a mellifluous way of speaking. Wattpad material man.

And the worst thing, the worst thing is that the author herself bends over backwards to support him. He's her damn favorite character and she wants him to end up with Juliette, and IT SHOWS.

Let me just list some of the red flags I remember:

🚩Is obsessed with Juliette

🚩Treats her like his possession

🚩Doesn't care about her opinion

🚩Is delusional

🚩 Everything has to go his way or else, it's giving rich kid mentality

🚩Clads her in skimpy dresses like a damn Barbie

🚩Ogles her every time he has a chance

🚩Made her touch one of his own soldiers and nearly kill him to satisfy his morbid curiosity

🚩Always tried to encourage the worst and most twisted side of her, finding pleasure in convincing her to embrace monstrosity and violence, and all of that to feel less lonely?

🚩Wants her to touch him because he wants to know what it feels like TO DIE?!? This is more like concerning btw. The only thing that makes me mad is that, he didn't know he was immune when asking for that, so he would willingly burden her conscience with another death. That's just twisted. I don't see the love or care in that.

🚩Made her relive the trauma of killing a child by locking her up in a spiky torture chamber and having her try to save a toddler with her bare hands, resulting in nearly killing it three times and traumatizing her all over again!!

🚩Killed a man in cold blood in front of her to show dominance and power

🚩Was on his way to torture the only person she cared about

🚩SA'd her!!! What are we even arguing about?!?

Positive traits:

✅Is handsome

✅Is young

✅Is certainly more interesting than Cardboard Cutout and Random Comic Relief

✅Didn't assault Juliette in her sleep

✅Fed her real food

✅Did something even measly attractive so he's excused of all his shit

I'm not into dark romances and it shows. My standards are too high. Or are everyone's too low?

Anyway, there is nothing in the world that can make me forgive him. I don't know what's worse, him or Adam. I already know the author wants to have him end up with Juliette, it's pretty clear. She even made him conveniently immune to her touch!! And the booktok discussion is all about those two, so...

•James Kent

(literally so unimportant I can't even find arts of him)

Adorable baby who's just here to show there's still hope for this rotten world and give Adam a figment of purpose and personality other than Juliette.

It's not like he has any personality of his own other than being cheeky or adorable and having nightmares. He's cute though and managed to give me some rest among the pitiful worldbuilding situation and Adam and Juliette constantly making out.

•Kenji Kishimoto (aka Random Comic Relief)

Comic relief character. Was painfully irritating upon his introduction, but I started liking him more towards the end.

His dialogues are standard chill guy character, but I wouldn't mind if he avoided saying "bro" 843837 times in a sentence. Or talking about the MC as if she isn't there.

The other characters were foil. Nothing particularly remarkable.

𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗟𝗗𝗕𝗨𝗜𝗟𝗗𝗜𝗡𝗚 - ★★☆☆☆ 2/5 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘀

Pollution, corruption and hyper exploitation of our resources finally took a toll on our world when the cattle gets sick and dies, birds go extinct, crops wither, the clouds change colour and the seasons are all over the place! Starving is all the rage these days on Earth! But do not fret, the Re-establishment is going to take control and make everything all right again!

Except they only took control by leveraging on the fear of people. Basically conquered the entire world and divided it in sectors. Kept the resources to themselves to live an opulent life, while said people either starve or carry out logorating work. Food is chemically made in labs and has zero taste or nutritional values. Anyone not acting like a robot is locked up or killed by the Big Bad Government™.

Standard grey-coloured dystopian worldbuilding based on elevating existing issues of our time to the point of no return, and by that raising some awareness. Good job, author!

Too bad it's barely visible under the romance.

And it's a rip-off of "1984" by George Orwell and "Fahreneit 451" by Ray Bradbury. Making a new, government-friendly, limited English language which has to be spoken all over the world (God forbid linguistic diversity) and burning down books? Yeah. Heard of it.

“They’re destroying everything,” Adam says, and his voice is suddenly a solemn sound in the silence. “All the books, every artifact, every remnant of human history. They’re saying it’s the only way to fix things. They say we need to start fresh. They say we can’t make the same mistakes of previous generations.”

This trivia is recounted by Adam in the cell to horrify Juliette a little. Never brought up again and obviously never shown in the world around them.

Because they never really set foot in the outside world and interact with anyone of the common folk, who might be the only ones influenced by these changes. They're either isolated, or on the privileged military grounds, or in the rebellion headquarters. It never really affects them.

Lore is thrown here and there by Juliette completely changing her internal monologue language register, like the Lorax possessed her or something. Or by indirectly reported speech of other characters. No show, too much tell.

I wish it had a greater role in the story, rather than providing mere background.

𝗪𝗥𝗜𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 - ★✩✩✩✩ 1/5 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘀

Last but not least, the borderline purple prose! The only part of this book I outright disliked and the reason for my almost-DNF.

Tl;dr: purple prose so bad it might as well be baroque poetry

It's packed with metaphors so forced they just look ridiculous. Sometimes they don't even make sense. Baroque poets would like to welcome author into their circle, but thank goodness they're dead!

Allow me to provide some examples:

Forever. “I don’t know.” A mechanical sound creaks/groans/cranks in the distance. My life is 4 walls of missed opportunities poured into concrete molds.

(...huh?)

I only know now that the scientists are wrong.

The world is flat.

(...flat earthers representation?)

(cont'd) I know because I was tossed right off the edge and I’ve been trying to hold on for 17 years. I’ve been trying to climb back up for 17 years but it’s nearly impossible to beat gravity when no one is willing to give you a hand.

(wait until she hears of the pac-man theory)

His lips soften into a smile that cracks apart my spine.

(girl are you okay???)

I blink 1,000 times in the blackness. “You have to take them off.”

(this is not a metaphor but it doesn't make any sense either way)

These words are vomit.

This shaky pen is my esophagus.

This sheet of paper is my porcelain bowl.

WHAT???? THIS IS JUST DISGUSTING I JUST PICTURED IT UGHHH NO. like i get what you're trying to say but THIS IS JUST NOT IT

I always wonder about raindrops.

I wonder about how they’re always falling down, tripping over their own feet, breaking their legs and forgetting their parachutes as they tumble right out of the sky toward an uncertain end. It’s like someone is emptying their pockets over the earth and doesn’t seem to care where the contents fall, doesn’t seem to care that the raindrops burst when they hit the ground, that they shatter when they fall to the floor, that people curse the days the drops dare to tap on their doors.

I am a raindrop.

And here, YES again I get what she's trying to say, but the comparison is ridicolous. Raindrops "tripping over their own feet"? "breaking their legs"?? Two entire paragraphs to say she feels abandoned?

I don't know... it just feels unnecessarily full of these metaphors for literally nothing at times. She uses a different set of metaphors to describe Adam's eyes and later Warner's, or every little thing she sees. Maybe I'd even find it beautiful, if it weren't so frequent and uhh... weird.

The numbers written as numbers are a book pet peeve mine. Dates, big numbers, that's fine. But if you know how to spell the word "four" why would you write "4"? Did anyone even edit this???

In one of these, she uses SLASHES?!?!? THIS IS NOT EVEN STYLISTIC

Punctuation is almost completely absent in the flow of thought sequences, making them even harder to follow than they already are. Also, they mostly happen whenever Juliette receives male attention or panics. Both of which happen frequently throughout the book.

Luckily, these things somehow gradually decreased after the first twenty-ish chapters, when Juliette leaves the asylum. So it was more bearable to read until the end.

----

Congratulatuons! You've reached the end of my first lenghty dissection of Shatter Me! This is the first of a series of popular booktok books I want to read for the sake of knowledge. If you liked long, honest reviews with a vein of sarcasm, consider following me on social media!

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I wish you lots of nice reads! ♥︎

[wynsbackagain]

Things BHUS Did Better Than BHUK (IMO)

(Spoilers for both versions of Being Human.) This post isn't meant to start any kind of fandom war. It's just my biased opinions.

1: Aidan and Rebecca actually face consequences for Bernie being turned.

I remember watching that story arc in the original and thinking how Mitchell's decision to try and "save" Bernie made no sense given his stance on vampirism, and how it also made no sense that Bernie and his mom basically walked off into the sunset with no follow-up. Bernie would have likely ended up killing his mom and so on, and aside from vague implications, the choice never comes back on Mitchell.

In the US version, it of course crosses Aidan's mind to go that route, but he decides against it for the same reason he didn't save Cara. It is Rebecca who then turns Bernie in a misguided attempt to please Aidan, and while her stupidity tests my willing suspension of disbelief a little, what happens next actually makes more sense within the narrative.

Regardless of whether or not Bernie had actually killed those bullies, he was still going to be dangerous and difficult to manage. And while it was nasty trick Bishop pulled on Aidan, tricking him into killing what was essentially his and Rebecca's son, Aidan ended up making the right decision anyway.

2: Josh never cheats on Nora as a fully in-control, human. When his wolf slips up with another wolf in season 4, for one thing, HE wasn't in total control, and for another, he actually faced consequences for it. It was relevant to the narrative.

In the BBC version George is human when he has sex with Daisy. The scene served no purpose in the story and made George look like a giant *sshat. And once again, it was a bad decision that was given no consequences.

3: Ray doesn't attempt to SA Sally, only to have Josh say "I bet she loved it." (I would have just LOVED to see how Aidan would have responded to something like that though.)

4: Aidan's relationship with Sally is more satisfying than Mitchell's relationship with Annie. Not their FRIENDSHIP. Their relationship when they hook up. It also didn't involve Sally having to possess anyone to enjoy being with him.

5: Aidan doesn't really have a Box-Tunnle-moment in the main story, while we're supposed to be sympathizing with him. The closest thing I can think of to it was the two girls he fed to Henry. And even that isn't the same. Aidan was acting out of desperation and love, and it went as wrong as it did by accident. He didn't INTEND to kill them.

Mitchell and Daisy were acting out of vengeance and tribalism, and probably a little sadism; they committed a terrorist attack basically.

There were plenty of times Aidan made mistakes or got caught up in situations where he had no choice but to go along. IE: When he was working with Suren. But his slips-ups were always due to addiction, desperation, or love/loyalty. He never massacred a train full of innocent people all in one go for no real reason. To be clear, I'm not talking about his past, just about the events of the series.

6: (This one requires some setup.) I was going to say that Aidan got to move on as a spirit and be happy while Mitchell didn't. Apparently though, this isn't true. Annie is told sometime after everyone else is killed off, that "they are waiting" for her, implying that George, Nina and Mitchell have all gotten to move on. But this is one of the biggest problems I have with UK version: poorly handled departure of actors/characters from the cast.

If I'm not mistaken, Aidan Turner left to do The Hobbit, hence Mitchell being killed off. But due to the fact that Mitchell was my favorite character and I knew they were trying to replace EVERYBODY, I stopped watching the show after Mitchell was written out. Why did I stop? because very few shows can survive such a massive overhaul of the cast when it's already so well established. And I simply didn't care about the new people. And so I didn't know that sometime down the line it would be revealed, in seemingly vague terms, that things went good for the characters they killed off.

In the U.S. version, yes, the journey towards the ending was a little clumsy, but it was still immediately happy (albeit bitter-sweet), and there was no cheap attempt to keep the hit series going without its established characters.

And like I said, yeah, some of the details WERE poorly handled. But these things likely unfolded the way they did due to financial snags the production had hit probably around season 3. Had all things gone according to plan, there would have been 5 seasons, with a bigger budget, and things could have been better. But things happened, and everyone realized that if they had tried to squeeze out a 5th season under their current circumstances, it would have been bad. So they decided to go out "on a high note" while they had the ability. They DIDN'T try to stick around to milk a series they could no longer make a quality product out of. They didn't jerk their fanbase around.

So yeah, I missed a detail due to not having watched the full UK series. But I'm going to go ahead and blame the BBC for that, because once you get me to care about characters, killing them off and trying to replace them, expecting me to want to stick around for the new people, is just wrongheaded. And what I like about the US version is that they didn't do that.

[drratiosstudent]

Ok so, initially I was thinking, if I like so many characters, I should just pull them based on necessity, on who got my interest first, and on characters whom I can relate to.

I'll definitely pull for Castorice bc she's the first character I rly rly wanted to pull in Amphoreus + I don't have a 5 star quantum character (and I have no built 4 star quantum character either) + I don't have a non TB remembrance + I love her animation. Her personality is also just so sweet I want to hug her so much and ughhhhhh. I also love the other side of her that she revealed during our journey with Cerces. She’s someone I respect a lot, with a deep appreciation for life and care for people. If I had to pick a character to hang out with for a day, it'd be her. I think, I hope? We'd vibe well? I think our personalities would match. I'd yap so much more but I need to save space for others.

I wasn't going to pull for Anaxa ngl, but as he slowly got introduced to us... I just... I really liked his character and way of thinking *coughs in Alhaitham main (Alhaitham got me into genshin ngl even though I enjoyed watched my best friend play genshin for a year)* *coughs in my username being drratiosstudent* *coughs in Kaveh from Genshin* *coughs in Aventurine bc even though he isn't a scholar he is still one of the most astute, intelligent and cunning man in game, he has a different kind of wisdom and intellect* *coughs I think I just like scholars and smart people* No but other than his mysterious character and well done animations + fight scenes, what really got to me was his philosophy, complex characterisation + perseverance. He also has really strong empathy and care for Amphoreus and the people - that's something I deeply respect. Although... don't remind me of what he has sacrificed if not I'll start sobbing but anyways. I also like the fact that he holds true to his principles and integrity no matter what others say. It's not always easy to do, especially if you're looked down on by others and called 'foolish'. If I was in Amphoreus, I feel like I'd have a similar mindset to Anaxa and would really enjoy learning from him. Even in real life, my perspective is very similar to his. The idea that fate is predetermined, that there's a prophecy one must follow that dooms the Chrysos Heirs, the way that people may become too subservient to the divine is just... I too, feel like it's limiting humanity. I also like my own autonomy and free will, and would initially resist the prophecy if it happened to me due to similar reasons as him. But I probably won't go so far as him haha. I shall stop yapping here I could yap for ages, and would go in deep about the philosophy and mindset - but I kinda share his sentiments basically. (It made me happy to see that he yaps too.)

Mydei... I... I wasn't going to pull for him because of these two characters above^ and I have imaginary characters built already. But... but... his personality, his lore, his principles, his resilience, his commitment to doing what's best for his people, the way he faces his inner conflict and supports others... He's just such beautiful character overall with so much love and gentleness in his heart, despite being brought up in a kingdom that values strife and warfare. It's not easy, being a warrior that wants to protect the people and hold on to peace, then go on to defy a thousand year old tradition, to overthrow what his people know, to do what he thinks is best, even though, he himself, wasn't sure if it's the right decision. I would write more but I think I'm losing my yapping stream of thought bc of how much I wrote so far asldjkfhalska.

I really can't write more so I'll just be short here. Hyacine is a must pull. Absolute sweetheart + I love healers in general *Coughs I love Barbara from Genshin also, she's part of my main team and I mean, look at Barbara and Hyacine, doing their best to heal the people*. I just have a soft spot for people who care for others when they're struggling and people who truly wish to help heal others.

Then there's Phainon, self explanatory. But eh, it's not like he's coming out anytime soon so I can rest for a bit in terms of saving up my stellar jades haha...

I'm losing so much brain juice now. It took me a long time to even narrow down who I should pull for. But this is already like half the Chrysos Heirs that appeared. It's not like I reduced them by much...

The problem with Amphoreus is the fact that I. WANT. EVERYONE. Never have I ever felt so much despair over the fact I can’t pull for everyone. With previous patches, I was okay with skipping banners for others I like more but… The Chrysos Heirs… they all have my HEART.

I've been playing for the lore and end up liking the plot + characters + complexity of the story, but each time a character in Amphora's shows up, I'm like okay, they're nice, I like them. Then as the story progresses, I just end up liking them more and more as their lore, characterisation and inner depth are revealed. Ugh what do I do.

(Stares at my lack of stellar jades in sorrow...)

[matan4il]

I have debated how to say this or even write it but I'm just giving in to try. Based on Max's interview and your recent anon on expectations I wanted to add my opinion no one asked for lol. But here's my thing as a long time viewer and pretty successful predictor.

I take all my clues from Oliver, he has in the past validated and acknowledged and even said he wouldn't promote if he thought it was baiting. He's very sensative to the fandom and the fact he is now leads me to believe that Buddie will be canon by the end of 5 or at least we will have a huge clue that yes its coming. Lets be real here Eddie clearly has PTSD and I don't think thats something we run over to start a relationship. But again, I think we will see it as heavily hinted if they arent already canon.

Now on to my worst case scenario. If the show really cant figure out how to write Buddie or isnt committing to it. I 100% believe that they are done with female LIs for both men. I imagine them actually being roommates for many reasons, either worried about Chris or heck saving money on rent. Have you seen LA prices. And its a cop out but I think for the remainder of the series we will have an ambiguous "platonic " family unit upgraded from S2 and S3. I get why people would be disappointed but I'm really at the point of leave women out of this and let me feel in the blanks if I have too. Give me their family time.

But again... take your clues from Oliver. He wouldn't tease if he didn't think that was the road we were headed.

Hi Nonnie! Thank you for the ask and big hugs!

Oooh, I won't lie, I was wondering whether I would get an ask about Max's interview. And yes, you're always welcome to throw your opinions at me! ;)

I have to admit I'm a bit torn. On the one hand, I do think it matters that Oli and Ryan indicated they're down with Buddie happening. And the change that Oli went through, from refusing to like Buddie stuff since it might be misleading, to liking Buddie edits and art again? It did give me hope he might know the direction these two are on and that it's the one we're all hoping for. On the other, he's also indicated recently he hasn't yet read the script for this season's finale. So... IDK. He might not know as much as we think he does. There might be something else influencing his decision to like Buddie stuff again. Maybe he just missed them, or he decided supporting the artists matters more? I really don't know. At the same time, he might also know the general direction for Buddie without knowing the specifics, like the 518 script, making my whole point moot. XD

If Buddie won't go canon, I can't see them both remaining single. Because 911 would probably want to re-affirm that they're straight by pairing them with female LI's, and also 'coz out of the main cast, they don't have that many single characters, and they can't let the only two be the single pink elephant in the room... However, they may let them be single and still more wrapped up in each other than in anyone else and raising Chris together for the show finale... But I agree with you, that if I can't have canon Buddie, I would take 'filling in the blanks.' If it helps, I think no matter what, the show will always dedicate some of its time to the Buddifer family unit. 911 has made it abundantly clear that romantic or platonic, that little family unit is precious to both the fans and the show.

As for the interview, I have to say that it doesn't scare me into "Buddie is def not going canon." At least not yet. Kristen didn't say Buddie is def not happening. She could have, but she didn't. In fact, she indicated the romantic possibility exists and nothing was ruled out. More than that, she could have implied reading Buddie as romantic is crazy, but instead she admitted it's a valid reading. Even when she claimed it's not how she wrote them, she didn't de-legitimize this option. Also, when stressing that Buddie are just good friends, she added it's where they're at right now. Which... canonically, that's accurate. Doesn't mean they always will be, and her phrasing clearly left the door open for them to be something more at some other point. Plus... these show runners said there was no need for a Buck Begins, then did one, and then said there was no need for Eddie to break down, and we know how that's going... I really am not yet panicking over this interview.

Lastly, Kristen saying she drew the guardianship bit from her mother's rl decision... except, I'm sure her mother was Very Normal about it, as in, she was probably being a responsible parent, taking possible scenarios into account, then sat her bestie down for a talk, explained that because she doesn't want her daughter to be raised by her parents she's asking her BFF to be the legal guardian and gave this woman as much time as she needed to decide on what to say. But is that what Kristen wrote for Buddie? No. Because she too knows there is nothing Very Normal about them. She wrote Eddie making the decision based on a real life-threatening event, with emotions running high, making his decision an emotional rather than a logical one, Buck saying he wished he could have died instead of Eddie (!!!) and then, THEN Eddie, in Very Not Normal fashion, makes the emotionally impactful decision to let Buck know he's been Chris' legal guardian for basically a year, not asking him about it before making the will change because they both knew Buck would not say no (and them verbally confirming this to each other). That makes it less about Eddie's reasonable decision and more about making sure that Buck was emotionally ok, as I've detailed here. But wait, that's not all! We know Eddie's parents suck and why they shouldn't raise Chris, but there's also Eddie's Tia Pepa, or his sisters... he dismisses them all, and more than that, he doesn't even bring them up as the reason he's made Buck Chris' guardian. He's not turning to his best friend 'coz his family sucks. By not going "X can't have Chris 'coz... so I need you to step in," it makes it clear Buck isn't Eddie's default. He's HIS CHOICE.

IDK, Kristen, is this really how you think things went down between your mom and her bestie when that agreement was reached? Yeah, me neither. There is Nothing Remotely Normal about this.

(Sorry for the length, thank you for the ask and please have a look at my ask tag if you're looking for another ask reply. xoxox)

[cconsultingdetective]

Damnatio memoriae

One of the things I appreciated the most about Pokémon Legends Arceus is that it made everything make sense now, and I'm especially talking about Pokémon Platinum. At least that's where my theories led me! They can obviously be completely wrong but I want to share them! There will be spoilers of the game

Up until BDSP all we knew about Giratina was that it was banished in the Distortion World due to its raging and rebellious nature but there isn't a single book or story talking about it in Canalave's library, therefore no one knows about Giratina. The million dollar question was: why is that? What happened? And a simple answer was that nobody ever got the chance to meet Giratina since it was banished not much after Arceus' creation of everything and never got the chance to show itself to the humankind other than a lucky 10 year old stepping in a place where the two opposite worlds collide.

However. There always has been a big but: what we know about Giratina is told to us by Cynthia in Pokémon Platinum, how does she know about its existence then? How is she able to guide us in the Distortion World? No doubt that she's a very committed archeologist but at that time it was such a mystery how she got this kind of information. You know where I'm getting at but before talking about our dear completely harmless merchant I wanted to point out the fact that Pokémon Legends Arceus tells us a story: Celestica.

It is now confirmed that Giratina actually made contact with humans long ago, and the Celestica Ruins are proof of that: there's a statue of each one of Arceus' children to which Celestica people prayed, they knew exactly how they looked like and what's more is that Giratina's statue is located in an apical spot, meaning that they loved it even more than the other two! It's pretty normal for them to do so since it actually was Giratina the one who gifted the 10 original Noble Pokémons to the humans (Zap Plate), saving them from a most certain extinction considering how weak people were compared to Pokémons.

But why is this statue broken now and nobody ever considered repairing it? Well, I think it was intentional, people chose to forget about Giratina because it can only bring nothing but destruction. Celestica one day simply disappeared, both people, name and constructions (Old Verse 5), how could this be? No population can be wiped out this fast normally, right? What I think is that Celestica people decided to play with fire a bit too much and probably completely misunderstood Giratina's intentions. It "gifted" humans with Pokémons not out of kindness or whatever, we know Giratina is extremely envious of the normal world where balance and peace reigns and it can only blame its father for that, Giratina used humans to get to fight its father (mmmh, this reminds me of a certain someone who uses the main character to get to Arceus👀 what a great parallelism) but still didn't want anything to do with them at all and the day they got a bit too close it just made them disappear, maybe with a space-time rift. We also know that someone survived this disaster *cough* *cough* Cogita *cough* *cough* and maybe others, and probably these survivors were the ones to destroy that infamous Giratina's statue, because such a disaster could never repeat itself again and not letting anyone know about its existence was the safest thing to do.

Giratina was a victim of damnatio memoriae (in case you don't know what that means it's a Latin phrase meaning "condemnation of memory" and it was a practice used since the Ancient Era and especially by ancient romans in which every document, inscription, whatever written proof of someone's existence was completely destroyed.)

But one day in Hisui a certain person, a descendant of Celestica people, with such an immense passion for archeology and myths to the point of dedicating his entire life to find the creator of everything to create a better world, did the homework so good to find out about Giratina and opened a new space-time rift: of course, I'm talking about Volo.

After the final battle Volo tells the main character that he's not willing to give up on his dream, whether it takes him years, decades or centuries, so I'm pretty sure he wrote down his studies for his descendants to have and that gets me to the starting point: Cynthia. That's the reason she knows about Giratina in a world where no one else knows about its existence! And as ironic as it sounds, Volo is technically the reason the main character is able to stop Cyrus, the man with almost his same plan, and save the world in Pokémon Platinum since it's thanks to Cynthia MC is able to safely get through the Distortion World.

So yes, everything makes sense now and I'll never stop saying how good the lore was in this game, please keep it up for the next games as well dear Game Freak🙏🏻