#my life as a wannabe director and writer

[timaeusterrored]

There are some things I wanna write in the fic that would possibly link back to something else, but I CANT because my brain is telling me it’s easier to show the stuff in film rather than just out right saying it.

Like I’ve been thinking of an outfit Venus wears for a party and such for it to be an Easter egg for something later and I just UGH

[lobotomy-lady]

you're a wannabe artist and domestic terrorist. do you ever meaningfully advance your goals in any fashion or do you just like to think about what it would be like if you did them? you impotently post about wanting to commit terrorism, and yet never do it. you're a thin veil of a person. youre a bad perfomance. you narrativise everything you do it's so transparent and embarrassing! lack of self awareness is the pinnacle of cringe. i can't believe I ever liked your blog.

This is...literally the most ridiculously parasocial ask I've ever gotten (which I'm sure you know is really saying smth, I don't know why I attract these type of followers but it is what it is). I am actually deeply fascinated by your perception of me & the fact that I'm apparently on your mind enough for you to feel betrayed & offended by me like this?? Wild. But anyways I'm just gonna respond earnestly bc I'm working a double rn, no one is in the center so I'm bored as shit but just know that this is the funniest thing I've ever received & I laughed for like 5 minutes before starting to type anything.

So like...first of all idk why this needs to be said but I am not in fact seriously aspiring to a life of terrorism-are you saying that bc I post about wanting to kill rapists but am not actually out there killing them?? You wouldn't know if I was bc I'm not an idiot who posts about committing felonies, secondly I'm a grown adult with a job & responsibilities to my family so I can't exactly go & throw my life away to become a vigilante for a few weeks then spend forever in jail.

As for the artist part, I mean...I write literally every day (& I talk about my various ongoing projects on here sometimes so idk how you missed that, real parasocials would know, sad!) so yeah I'm advancing in that respect lol. When I talk about my chronic procrastination it's usually me ignoring my novel for my screenplay ( which is much less likely to turn into anything by virtue of needing a producer investing hundreds of thousands of dollars rather than the option of just self publishing an e-book). I have a novel, two screenplays, & an album of songs that I'm almost done with, plus a ton of ideas for future projects I want to work on. If anything my problem is flittering between too many projects at once, if I could stick to one I'd have completed it by now lol.

Also if there's one thing I have in abundance it's self awareness! I'm literally the most self aware person on earth why do you think I refer to my dreams as delusional...it's bc I know being a famous writer/director is a crazy aspiration to have for a working class nobody with no money or connections. Why do you think I'm working as a crisis counselor & pursuing a career in the mental health field in the mean time? Backup plan!

[prpfz]

How ‘bout a dance, what do ya say? 🎙️✨

Hi, 26, she/her, EST. I’m a multi-para, past tense, 3rd person RPer that prefers discord to write and can give about 1-3 replies a week. Don’t ever expect daily from me, real life comes first.

Looking for writers 20+ to indulge in a little golden age of Hollywood drama with me — playing the M to my F.

Essentially I’d be playing an aspiring starlet (singer/cabaret lounge singer girl/wannabe actress/you get it) that’s trying to break into pictures, and in the process, falls into the lap of your guy. Maybe he’s a big time director/producer with a penchant for becoming obsessive over his new muses. Maybe he’s a sleazy big time actor that decided to manipulate the pretty new talent. Maybe they’re a screenwriter with high demands that wants to mold someone new to fit their work perfectly. Maybe they’re also involved in some kind of nefarious crime ring?? Maybe my gal ends up being a little crazier and less doe-eyes than your guy originally hoped? The options are endless.

Eras-wise, I’d like this to be somewhere in between the 20s-late 50’s. Smut is non-negotiable, dead dove themes welcomed. I want toxic, obsessive, possessive, gorgeous romance with room for a lil fluff here and there!

Not looking to double at this time.

Like this and I’ll come to you! Please don’t be offended if I ask you to send a writing sample, I’ll send one in return, I think it’s only fair to get a sense of each other before we begin.

Like this and I’ll come to you — PLEASE ONLY LIKE if you’re genuinely interested.

give a like and anon will get back to you

[corndoggod]

Anatomy of Failure

I felt like I was on trial watching Anatomy of a Fall -- for my failures as a writer and the ensuing resentments misdirected at my partner. Seeing my private torments litigated in a riveting courtroom drama, spoken in clinical French, was titillating. The writing was so sharp I could’ve just listened like the blind son Daniel and been engaged. But I loved watching Daniel practice piano, the baby blue glaze over his eyes and his surprise testimony in a redrum turtleneck. 

The story wastes no time. Within five minutes, the husband is found dead, bleeding out in the snow. An autopsy cannot rule out foul play and his wife, a writer, becomes the sole suspect. What unravels in court is not only the events that precipitated the death of her husband, but an ultimate tea concoction of their strained relationship, competing literary ambitions and the blame and guilt surrounding the accident that blinded their son.

Entering a foreign court is a bit jarring. The rules, procedures and dress are notably different from America and seem silly when defamiliarized. The prosecutor, a bald little gremlin robed in red, was probably my favorite character. Arched, dry and eloquent, he bludgeoned the accused writer with an avalanche of incriminating evidence and was quick to undercut any counter/argument from the defense. Court rules in France appear to allow more cross-talk, making the arguments more conversational than U.S. court dramas, which glorify long-winded monologues. 

Impressively, the writer/director thread the needle so well that one is never quite convinced one way or the other. I am easily persuaded and in this lawyerly tug of war, I felt myself suspended over a chasm with demons of jealousy, envy and pride snapping at my feet. 

For all the talk of literary failure, this was a written masterpiece. I am drawn to such stories, like a moth to flame, for so many deep and cutting reasons. Like the husband, I deflect and blame others for my shortcomings: If only X, Y and Z were different, then I could write! The wife’s gaslighting voice lives within me too: Make the time and do it, coward! And I disdain my father for giving up sports journalism, and for withholding those ambitions from me (Had I known earlier, maybe then I’d be a staff writer!) and on himself in general. 

Funny enough, when I was biking home after seeing Fallen Leaves last week, I had the high thought that my senior thesis anticipated my current condition with regards to writing. My argument was garbled -- something about the author subverting masculine forms/expectations of writing (adventure, heroism) using feminine forms (diary, domesticity) through an act of ventriloquy -- but the book I chose to write about was a book about a wannabe writer’s failure. 

Called El Libro Vacio and written by Josefina Vicens, it was a novel about the shortcomings of a middle class man working in middle management and his literary shortcomings. He wanted to be a great writer, but he was tormented and uninspired by the banality of his day-to-day life as a family man. If only he didn’t have a kid and wife, he could hit the road and sail the high seas and finally have something to say! He studiously documents his failures and torments in a diary that amounts to the novel by Vicens. 

In my early 20s, I was interested in what makes a good leader. I studied the polar explorer Ernest Shackleton, the most winningest basketball coach Gregg Popovich and read more than a dozen presidential biographies. But now I find myself fixated on failure, my own and my fathers, and I want to learn the art of letting go. 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

some more summer stock info from an interview with the writer cheri steinkellner

Her first move was to rewatch “Summer Stock” to see what it looks like now, decades later. She got out her Judy Garland boxed set and viewed “Summer Stock” on DVD. “I already had my writer’s head on and my adapter’s head, so I was trying to figure what from this movie can we pull and expand to really tell these characters’ stories because the film was built around the talents of the MGM lot — ‘More stars than there are in heaven.’ … When you’ve got those stars and those personalities, then the shape of the films can in large part be dictated by the stars and their charisma and so forth,” she said. When creating a musical, she focused on the characters and their stories — where the characters start, where they mess up and complicate each other’s lives, how they try to make it better and end up making it worse, and then how they resolve everything.

[...]

As she was reworking “Summer Stock,” Steinkellner not only considered the main triangle; she also expanded the supporting stories. She liked the idea of the city mice — the show people — and the country mice — the farm people — being so different yet coming together to save both the farm and the show in one unified way. “Anyone who has ever put on a show, new or old, knows that feeling when it feels like it’s going to fall apart but it starts to gel. We as a community of differently talented people all work together to make this thing that’s going to make people feel. There’s nothing like it. It’s a really, really good feeling,” Steinkellner said. The film, though, didn’t have diverse characters. “So we wanted to find a good, strong reason to purposefully bring a cast of characters together that represent our world. We talked a lot about color conscious casting,” Steinkellner said. In the stage version, the band of wannabe Broadway actors are old Army buddies who played to the troops during World War II to great success. But they are having trouble pushing their show forward in the civilian world.

[...]

Steinkellner and musical supervisor/arranger/orchestrator Doug Besterman wanted to integrate the tunes into “Summer Stock” as seamlessly as possible. She said it’s about “helping the song sing in the character’s voice and tell the story that we need to tell. It’s really important to me that I’m never just waiting until we get on with the story, that I have an understanding, whether it’s spoken in lyric or conveyed in emotion, that life is always happening.” As “Summer Stock” was being developed the last few months, there were times the story shifted, and so Steinkellner went back to find a new song that would better fit the latest rewrite. “Somehow in this beautiful Great American Songbook, there’s always the perfect song that I didn’t know until the moment arose for it. And I go, ‘Oh, you, come with me. We’re putting you back on the stage,’” she said. She found an Irving Berlin composition she hadn’t heard that now serves as “Summer Stock’s” Lindy Hop number. “I’m so excited to find an Irving Berlin song that I hadn’t been aware of,” she said. And when looking for a tune to open the second act, she gave Besterman and director/choreographer Donna Feore a list of titles to consider. Steinkellner wanted a song that would serve as “A Real Nice Clambake” did in “Carousel,” indicating post-intermission, she said, that “we’re happy to be back, settle in your seats, hope you had a good intermission, we’re back on the farm, we’re having a good time.” Besterman said “June Night” sounded like a good second-act opener. Steinkellner went back and listened to the only recording she could find, by the Ray Conniff Singers. “As soon as I heard it, I went, ‘Oh, “June Night” is exactly the right idea. And what if while they’re singing this song, we have all these city kids sitting around in the countryside. What if they see their first firefly and they hear their first cricket and owls, things that you don’t hear or feel or see in the city?’ “So Doug takes that and makes it into a whole Pentatonix kind of thing where we’re now bringing in all the noises of a summer night in Connecticut in song. It’s such a delight,” she said.

[...]

Although there are many changes, Steinkellner thinks the hearts of the characters are the same in the Goodspeed version as in the film. Jane is still a very practical family farmer trying to make things work. But the stage adaptation builds up the backstory of how this farmgirl is also a major triple-threat performer who sings “Get Happy” in a fedora and stockings at the end of the show. As for Joe, Steinkellner said the motivation and character changed greatly going from Kelly to Bleu. Echoing her earlier comments, she said, “We really set out to create something that was going to be a color conscious new telling of this period story.” A diverse cast of talented people have come together under the directorship of Bleu’s Joe, who has held this group together for five years. He encourages them, saying they will entertain audiences in America the way they entertained troops during the war. The story is set in 1950, and, in reality, it wasn’t until nine years later that a Black man directed a Broadway show. So, realistically, Steinkellner said, “They’re not going to get this show to Broadway, but they are going to get this up and find a home where they can all play at the top of their game together. It saves the farm and the show — and creates this thing called summer stock, in the telling of our show.” She said the cast in “Summer Stock” at Goodspeed is “staggeringly good.” They are, she said, “thrilling me with their talent and the heart that they’re bringing to it.”

[twin-wolves-123]

a rant about writing. or my professor. maybe both.

I don't know who the hell will see this, the only thing my blog did in the past two months was collect 20 bot followers it looks like but

today (well yesterday, i'm writing this past midnight)

i had a class. It is my intro to fiction writing class.

I've responded to like, what one writing prompt on here? idk i think writing is fun, creative writing is cool, id like to be a better writer, i might like to do something with it someday, i grew up on ff.net if that means anything to people nowadays

My professor, im sure, is a very talented man. he's had published shit and is a "good writer"TM

we submitted short stories, like 10 pages ish for today's class. And one thing my professor did for the first student's story discussed today was ask, "Why did you write this?"

This kid wrote a story about the country hypothetically having a government replaced by AI. Work doesn't exist anymore, everyone is like partying, living it up or whatever and the story is about a character in college who basically felt like he worked hard his whole life for nothing and is, understandably, upset about the changes. College class gets suspended and nobody is like, doing anything with their life. It was pretty interesting. Most of the class agreed.

And when the kid responded that he was interested in how this one character would respond to a scenario like this, and he was interested in the development of a society like this given how popular ChatGPT is becoming and whatnot, the professor basically said that those answers weren't good enough.

What the fuck?

I still don't really understand the answer he was looking for, he did say something like it has to be, like, what the author is "trying to say", i guess what emotion or thought they're linking to the story

And so he eventually said, he was thinking that maybe a scenario like this could happen to him in the future.

ANd the professor goes, "Well if it's anxiety about not having a job in the future, why didn't you just write about that instead?" ANd then he proceeded to make several comparisons to other anxious scenarios that i felt were way off base, like getting a divorce...

What the hell? Like, he wrote about what he wrote about, what is the justification FOR writing about those other scenarios?

anyways, the kid whose story got discussed before mine he liked, I guess. It was about his immigrant father and one of his father's story which becomes an extended metaphor and like, growing up in the states as his son kind of- i won't go into too much detail. The point is, he liked it.

Because right after discussing his, he explicitly made a point. And I am not making this up. That he doesn't ask people who wrote "good" stories (and he said a qualified good, as in he also said he knows that they can't be good, but they're good for what they are, or whatever) why they wrote this, because those stories already have a right to exist on their own. And then he turns to me, and says very pointedly, "Why did you write this?"

What the fuck is your problem?

Like, if they wrote a good story good on them, if I wrote a shitty one oh well, but what is the point of you explicitly reiterating that point to the entire class to emphasize how bad my story was? How does that help me? Before you've even actually given me any valuable feedback?

I wrote a story about a wannabe filmmaker who recruited two talented actors to help him make a short film to submit for a film competition. So i told him why i wrote this. I had a scene in my head that I wanted to continue about a shitty filmmaker getting yelled at by the actor (after the director is trying to critique how the actor played one scene), who is much more talented than him, and I wanted to flesh out this character. "Why? Why did you want to flesh this out?" he asks. And I talk about wanting to write about someone with very little talent working hard, sucking, but potentially being able to make something out of it. "Why?" Because it's relatable? "Everything is relatable. Why did you write this? Why are you writing this about movies?" Because making movies requires technical skill that's difficult to learn on your own, and I thought it was fitting. "Everything can be difficult to learn. Why is the story not about music, or someone getting their grades up?" No matter what answer I gave, he wasn't satisfied. (this is going back to the first kid he critiqued, too. It's not the story because that's not what I wrote? I didn't find that as interesting, and those aren't the stories I wanted to tell?) I didn't say that, i eventually just answered, "I don't know how to answer your question. I don't know what form my answer should take if I shouldn't have written the story for those reasons."

So he eventually changes it to, what am I trying to accomplish with the story, or make the reader feel? So i answer: sympathy and hope.

This is another part that really fucking grinds my gears.

So he asks, "Why is this not a comedy?"

What?

And basically he talks about how, he thought it was comical. This nincompoop (he used this word) director who hasn't put in the work trying to make a film with these actors who do know what they're doing, like, yeah. That's fair. He deserves to get yelled at. Why should the reader feel sympathy for him? I think it's funny. Why wouldn't anyone be annoyed by this character? Haven't you been annoyed by people like that?

First of all, maybe I don't think like that? Why is that your first instinct?

And i respond to him that i can be annoyed, but I can still be sympathetic toward them? Why do those have to be mutually exclusive?

And the question that I still have in my head is, what? Yes, he hasn't put in the work YET, but the point is that he's new and trash at this. And how the fuck is someone supposed to get BETTER at anything if they're not given a chance to try?

Is this really what you think of other people?

I do ask him how I was supposed to make the reader sympathetic toward him, to which he does give a couple of answers, like be more in the filmmaker's head, or have the actors be worse rather than talented (but that's not the point of my story... they're supposed to be more experienced than he is...)

But this whole time, he's still pretty much just been asking me the question, "Why?" Or "Why not x other thing?"

He critiqued some of my awkward dialogue and descriptions, sure, which was some actual advice. But not one thing he's said during that constant asking of "Why?" has been valuable feedback for what I put down on the page, nor has it made me a better writer.

And like, I eventually pose to him my own question of, "I don't have an answer to why NOT it's about those things (like the music or the grades thing), but I don't understand why it HAS to be, and why it can't be what I wrote about."

And he then goes, "have you been on a movie set?" And talks about how, if I write a story in a world of movies, I have to be convincing enough that I know what I'm talking about. Like how to make a movie, the lighting, the process, the set, etc. And if I can't be, it's not smart to write the story about that to begin with (which you could've just said in the first place and moved on to critiquing my actual writing, I feel like?).

This part, he has a point that I understand. But now I'm left with, am I only supposed to write about things I'm already very familiar with? I can't write about imagined scenarios or anything outside my field of expertise? Because I feel like that's just so limiting. And I, frankly don't have mastery in many fields. So I just, can't write about anything? What?

He also didn't give feedback for me on anything past the first scene.

tldr.

Yes, I'm an amateur, I don't see how you making a point of how garbage my story was compared to the last one helps with that.

Why should people not be given a chance to better their skills? Isn't that the point of this whole class, actually?

And I have no real refutation for the last thing: yes a story is better and more believable if the writer has specific knowledge about certain aspects of the story but... Something about that just doesn't sit right with me. Wouldn't the world be deprived of a lot of really amazing work if people could ONLY write about things they're extremely familiar with? I'm sure you're a great writer and all, and I'm sure that, as an amateur, there's a lot that I maybe can't understand, but why can't people write about what they want to write about? Why can't people explore certain characters or scenarios because they find them interesting? Why can't people tell the stories they WANT to tell?

Why is that insufficient?

plus you spending half an hour asking why i wrote something when i already wrote it, asking "why" again to each answer i give that you deem insufficient, instead of actually going over better writing technique, how to do plot/characters, and critiquing what's on the damn page...

Maybe I'm talking out of my ass. Maybe this is just me being too amateur or immature to understand, but there has to be a better use of time than that.

[roleplay-finder-search]

How ‘bout a dance, what do ya say? 🤍✨

Hi, 26, she/her, EST. I’m a multi-para, past tense, 3rd person RPer that prefers discord to write and can give about 1-3 replies a week. Don’t ever expect daily from me, real life comes first.

Looking for writers 20+ to indulge in a little golden age of Hollywood drama with me — playing the M to my F.

Essentially I’d be playing an aspiring starlet (singer/cabaret lounge singer girl/wannabe actress/you get it) that’s trying to break into pictures, and in the process, falls into the lap of your guy. Maybe he’s a big time director/producer with a penchant for becoming obsessive over his new muses. Maybe he’s a sleazy big time actor that decided to manipulate the pretty new talent. Maybe they’re a screenwriter with high demands that wants to mold someone new to fit their work perfectly. Maybe they’re also involved in some kind of nefarious crime ring?? Maybe my gal ends up being a little crazier and less doe-eyes than your guy originally hoped? The options are endless.

Eras-wise, I’d like this to be somewhere in between the 20s-late 50’s. Smut is non-negotiable, dead dove themes welcomed. I want toxic, obsessive, possessive, gorgeous romance with room for a lil fluff here and there!

Not looking to double at this time.

Like this and I’ll come to you! Please don’t be offended if I ask you to send a writing sample, I’ll send one in return, I think it’s only fair to get a sense of each other before we begin.

Like this and I’ll come to you — PLEASE ONLY LIKE if you’re genuinely interested.

🪶

[anotherrppartnerfinder]

How ‘bout a dance, what do ya say? ❤️✨

Hi, 26, she/her, EST. I’m a multi-para, past tense, 3rd person RPer that prefers discord to write and can give about 1-3 replies a week. Don’t ever expect daily from me, real life comes first.

Looking for writers 20+ to indulge in a little golden age of Hollywood drama with me — playing the M to my F.

Essentially I’d be playing an aspiring starlet (singer/cabaret lounge singer girl/wannabe actress/you get it) that’s trying to break into pictures, and in the process, falls into the lap of your guy. Maybe he’s a big time director/producer with a penchant for becoming obsessive over his new muses. Maybe he’s a sleazy big time actor that decided to manipulate the pretty new talent. Maybe they’re a screenwriter with high demands that wants to mold someone new to fit their work perfectly. Maybe they’re also involved in some kind of nefarious crime ring?? Maybe my gal ends up being a little crazier and less doe-eyes than your guy originally hoped? The options are endless.

Eras-wise, I’d like this to be somewhere in between the 20s-late 50’s. Smut is non-negotiable, dead dove themes welcomed. I want toxic, obsessive, possessive, gorgeous romance with room for a lil fluff here and there!

Not looking to double at this time.

Like this and I’ll come to you! Please don’t be offended if I ask you to send a writing sample, I’ll send one in return, I think it’s only fair to get a sense of each other before we begin.

Like this and I’ll come to you — PLEASE ONLY LIKE if you’re genuinely interested.

.

[darkrpfinders]

How ‘bout a dance, what do ya say?

Hi, 26, she/her, EST. I’m a multi-para, past tense, 3rd person RPer that prefers discord to write and can give about 1-3 replies a week. Don’t ever expect daily from me, real life comes first.

Looking for writers 20+ to indulge in a little golden age of Hollywood drama with me — playing the M to my F.

Essentially I’d be playing an aspiring starlet (singer/cabaret lounge singer girl/wannabe actress/you get it) that’s trying to break into pictures, and in the process, falls into the lap of your guy. Maybe he’s a big time director/producer with a penchant for becoming obsessive over his new muses. Maybe he’s a sleazy big time actor that decided to manipulate the pretty new talent. Maybe they’re a screenwriter with high demands that wants to mold someone new to fit their work perfectly. Maybe they’re also involved in some kind of nefarious crime ring?? Maybe my gal ends up being a little crazier and less doe-eyes than your guy originally hoped? The options are endless.

Eras-wise, I’d like this to be somewhere in between the 20s-late 50’s. Smut is non-negotiable, dead dove themes welcomed. I want toxic, obsessive, possessive, gorgeous romance with room for a lil fluff here and there! AGE GAPS WELCOMED AND ENCOURAGED!!

Not looking to double at this time.

Like this and I’ll come to you! Please don’t be offended if I ask you to send a writing sample, I’ll send one in return, I think it’s only fair to get a sense of each other before we begin.

Like this and I’ll come to you — PLEASE ONLY LIKE if you’re genuinely interested.

.

[novella-writers]

How ‘bout a dance, what do ya say? 🎙️✨

Hi, 26, she/her, EST. I’m a multi-para, past tense, 3rd person RPer that prefers discord to write and can give about 1-3 replies a week. Don’t ever expect daily from me, real life comes first.

Looking for writers 20+ to indulge in a little golden age of Hollywood drama with me — playing the M to my F.

Essentially I’d be playing an aspiring starlet (singer/cabaret lounge singer girl/wannabe actress/you get it) that’s trying to break into pictures, and in the process, falls into the lap of your guy. Maybe he’s a big time director/producer with a penchant for becoming obsessive over his new muses. Maybe he’s a sleazy big time actor that decided to manipulate the pretty new talent. Maybe they’re a screenwriter with high demands that wants to mold someone new to fit their work perfectly. Maybe they’re also involved in some kind of nefarious crime ring?? Maybe my gal ends up being a little crazier and less doe-eyes than your guy originally hoped? The options are endless.

Eras-wise, I’d like this to be somewhere in between the 20s-late 50’s. Smut is non-negotiable, dead dove themes welcomed. I want toxic, obsessive, possessive, gorgeous romance with room for a lil fluff here and there!

Not looking to double at this time.

Like this and I’ll come to you! Please don’t be offended if I ask you to send a writing sample, I’ll send one in return, I think it’s only fair to get a sense of each other before we begin.

Like this and I’ll come to you — PLEASE ONLY LIKE if you’re genuinely interested.

Like if interested!

[jonnyardor]

Why I want to learn saxophone in 2024🎷

The saxophone 🎷 in Detective Conan's soundtrack captivated me as a child. And when I found Sidney Bechet's 'Si tu vois ma mère', as a teenager, I just wanted a saxophone. And with finding Sade, I knew without a doubt that it was the next instrument for me, no matter when.

Years later, I found a pocket saxophone in an Instagram ad and it was mesmerising

Spontaneously, I decided to buy this instead of music business resources . It was so cool and I want to play like Coltrane and Masego. I want to do all the things I really love. Being on the phone is a sign of boredom and if wasting my time on earth. Even though I learn a lot and gets a few laughs out of the videos and memes, but I want to experience life. The old fashioned way with instruments, writing manuscripts for books and letters to faraway friends in longhand, cooking more and not ordering food to your doorstep, and time offline to read all my novels and contemplate about life and pray and be present with my wife and kids. I call myself a writer, musician and philosopher and I want to do just that, not approximated hesitant approaches to writing by outlining, fantasising and researching without ever writing down chapters that can be read, reviewed, edited and shared. All these unused notebooks, Collegeblocks and calendars. All this motivation and no tangible goals,results or organisation for my creative and intellectual life. I don't wanna be a wannabe.

What's stopping me?

The second reason was that I wanna build new enjoyable habits, not just detect and stop my harmful ones. For example my habit of pornography needed to stop but my sexual energy should be transferred or transmuted to other physical and mental activities. It's easier to stay physical for my inferior Se (exterior sensing) to be stabilised and challenged just enough. So making sports, playing instruments over reading or producing music on my laptop. I need a physical, haptic kinetic component in my activities. Walking outdoors does wonders for me even if I'm pushing the stroller and watching my babies play.

The third reason is that being a stay at home dad, I need a mental challenge. Being with toddlers all day, not being in deep conversation with adults or engaged in critical thinking, I fear that I can't get to play off my greatest strengths. And while I enjoy the time with my boys -which will end soon enough and I will miss this slow pace- I could need a challenge to grow my faculties.

Financially I want to retire my wife and secondly my mother, so I gotta make money. But since I can't get a babysitter for my babies, I gotta treat the post-pandemic world as if I'm in a pandemic in a music business sense. So how can I make money without performing, without being outside and over the long term?

My answer is: 1. build a catalogue that can be sold and streamed online (I stay away from DSP like Spotify and will use YouTube, SoundCloud and Bandcamp)

2. Get sync licenses for your music to be used in

4. Use your music and books in your own productions of artworks and media (own soundtrack,own script written, own director work)

Multi-hyphenate work like Lin-Manuel Miranda's Hamilton

5. Use Collabs to reach new fanbases

6. Write Longform content on the email newsletter and website and introverted spaces (Wordpress and Tumblr)

Medium sized articles with links to my other pages on reddit

Write short form on Thread and X, and with images on Insta, Tiktok and Facebook

7. Get meetings online and on phone call (interviews for publicity ,group chats for community )

8. Promote yourself online aggressively and consistently (you have to be seen for your tribe to find you)

So the saxophone that I am awaiting will teach me to start learning correctly from the start and will serve as a symbolic transition from hobbyist to self-employed blogger and offline artist that shares his mind, connects for a brief time and then dips out again to resume his preferred life off the grid.

I want to make money with digital real estate like Monopoly. It means that my revenue from my creations will add up cumulatively but it doesn't need my constant supervision every second of the day. I will be making money in my sleep and will promote, create more and start speaking and teaching to pass it forward and to be a teacher and guide for other Christians, creatives and growth-oriented people.

Thank you for reading.

I want to write more and it feels good to express my thoughts and verbalise my ideas. 💡

I will try to do it more often.

Below you find the ad that made me order the pocket saxophone:

[samheughanswife]

Instagram is the perfect SM tool. It’s free. It’s mostly unregulated ( except for breasts) and it’s used for all manner of things.

First and foremost it’s used for promotion. It’s all about promotion.

It’s the forum of choice for the entertainment industry and all the adjacents. The wannabes, the fraudsters.

There are millions of influencers promoting causes, products, ideology, lifestyle.

It’s aspirational. It’s envy inducing. It’s addictive.

You can lie on your account. Daily in the 24 hour story feature. You can lie in your feed. You can tell whatever story you want. Because they are stories. That’s why the feature is called Instastory.

Pictures tell the story. Added, deleted. Added again. Filters oh god. So many filters. Adding to the manufactured purpose of the app. You are your own writer, producer director. You are the star.

Sam and Caitriona use IG just like any other celebrity. To sell image, products and at times lies. Each person decides for themselves what the photo or story is about. Personal perspective.

The OL fandom is a divided one. So many groups believing their own truth. I’ve been told this is routine for all fandoms. Never been in one before this one and never again. Personal perspective.

We are regularly reminded that only a small minority know the minutiae of Sam and Caitriona’s shown life. This is true. We here, shippers, look to see the messaging. Those opposed to our position through their prism.

What is not in dispute is that Sam’s IG, SM has been weirdly manipulated. All this over a Saturday bike ride with a friend/partner Alex and an assortment of fellow bike enthusiasts. My post on that play is there to read. And it seems it was read.

One week later Sam posts about the event with his “brothers”. I did ask the question what did Scout get, a follow from Sam. Well it’s most likely more. Because this was business wrapped up as a meeting of guys who like bikes. More video and photos are released. More faces to names mentioned. Quid pro quo.

And conveniently photos with female friends of brothers /fans. My eyes can’t roll far enough. Seriously.

The eyes don’t lie. Look at Sam’s eyes.

If it was organic and all done without a purpose why the ridiculous drama? Deleted, posted, deleted. It’s was just a bike ride, right?

[watchinglikeafangirl]

I'm sick of the BL industry

To be honest, yesterday, I was very close to stop watching BLs - or I should say Thai BLs - because I lost hope things will take a good turn. It was just a thought I had for a second and it may not seem like an important decision that would change my life. It wouldn't affect me much to return to Netflix but it wouldn't mean anything better. The Thai BL industry has the same problems as Hollywood, so why bother what to consume, right?

And it's not like every BL is problematic behind the scenes and it's the same with Hollywood. To be real here, I only watch Thai BLs because I like the language, food and culture in general. And because it's about love no matter the gender in a very romantic and innocent way. I spend years with American shows and watching something from Southeast Asia is very different. I can't name the difference, but it's huge.

But the Thai BL industry has a bit of an image problem going on right now and I'm very curious how things will turn out and if shows like "call it what you want" or "lovely writer" can actually start a debate about abuse and binding contracts because they are immense problems, I'm gonna talk about here.

Casting

It all starts with the casting. Mostly, actors are being casted who are already famous on social media and I get the strategy. The company can generate more fame and popularity of the show but isn't it enough to cast one famous person and that's it? I don't know anything about BL actors to be honest, so I can't say if they were that famous before or not but even if they weren't, then they are mostly casted for a supporting role and are not the protagonist or his love interest. Mostly, I know the actors from somewhere else and it's sad and unfair for the other actors who don't even stand a chance to get the main role. If you are not famous, you won't get there, and that's clearly inequal.

Binding contracts

So, these people get casted and are now part of the crew. The next problem is the contract they have to sign. I have never seen one of those, so I can't say anything credible about it, but what I can figure out is: the contracts must be very long and detailed. The contracts are the real problem here because they put up boundaries and build lines that shouldn't be crossed that are unnecessary and even though the actors can hide it, something seems off. My favourite example is Saint because he seems nice and all but I always have the feeling he fakes everything and I can't tell were his true self begins and his professional one ends. I find it kind of creepy because I can't figure him out and feel like he's broken or at least, hates his job sometimes. I don't know. These contracts lead actors to fake their whole life, lose their identity and turn them into a**holes. It really makes me sad because these people are obviously scared of saying something wrong because then they would be over. What kind of working atmosphere is that? It's not healthy - that's clear - and the actors are always very distant with each other. It's obvious the things they say, do and laugh about are only said, done and funny when the camera is rolling and it's something I really don't like. I deteste fakery and that's why I don't like certain BL casts because I feel like they are pretending so much they don't like each other off camera at all.

Certain people have too much power

People in high positions definetely have too much power over the actors, directors and the whole crew itself. It's not only the binding contracts. What the trailer of "call it what you want" already addressed was way more than that. They are controlled and surpressed. Simply put, the companies and CEO's don't always see them as humans with a soul. It's really extreme and I know, it's not like that with every BL but I also know, it's the case with enough of them. Tracking your phone, getting you fired if you save the wrong number and keeping you apart from the outside are just the three things mentioned in the trailer.

Of course, there's also the problem with sexual harrasment and it's not only a problem, it's a challenge a whole generation has to face. After watching the video "BL: Broken Fantasy" I felt really stupid because someone who was interviewed was saying the BL industry is acting the same as Hollywood, and of course it does but I never saw it this way. Now I feel stupid for being blinded by all the promotion, shiny music videos and happy interviews because in the end it's also just a film industry, so why would things be different behind closed doors? Then of course, sexual harrasment happens a lot and even abuse. I'm even more mad now that I think about all the BL actors who also never spoke up. There must me billions of people worldwide... anyway, turning back, I just wanted to say that CEO's of production companies in Thailand can be as pathetic as the ones in America and sexual abuse is still a thing no one talks about.

Atmosphere on set

As a BL actor, you go to the casting because you personally have no problem with kissing another man. What still surprises me is actors saying they were not as open-minded when they started filming but understand the conflict much better now after they were acting it out and can even imagine falling for someone with the same gender. I thought every one of them doesn't care, but I guess they do.

What really disgusted me in the video "BL: Broken Fantasy" was when this director was talking about the camera man turning away to vomit when the BL leads would kiss. I have no words for how disgusting, inhumane and respectless this is. He even said, the whole crew tends to be homophobic which is like what the f**k?! And he added, he was surprised when he was shooting a film with a japanese crew that offended no one which is so low standard, it's sad. No wonder the atmosphere between the actors and crew behind the scenes looks tense and not that close.

Fanservice

So, here's the problem I've been thinking about for some time now because it's the most viewable one and appears everywhere. I hate fanservice. I just want a normal boring interview with the actors and I'm happy but I stopped watching interviews with BL leads because it's packed with so much wannabe-cutesy fanservice, it's actually uncomfortable. What I don't like about it is that it looks so forced and fake. You can tell just by watching they are only doing it because the contracts say so. They gain money - and I don't believe it's just a bit - to make the fans happy. It's just a part of the promotion but it leads to many problematic situations with fans. I'm not saying Hollywood is much different. During the red carpet shows are so many screaming, crying and fading fans, it's ridicolous. I'm not such a fan and will never be because I don't sympathize with this kind of cult. But at least I feel like Hollywood kind of protects their stars more. In the BL industry the fans can get very close and the promotion is more about the shipping couple than the show itself which causes these big personality cults I already addressed here.

I have two examples: MaxTul and SaintZee. They are not so different when it comes to fanservice but their chemistries are not comparable. MaxTul seem to care about each other whereas SaintZee don't seem to be very close. MaxTul have fun and much of it is fanservice which gets cut into cringey edits on YT but they have a vibe. They look each other in the eyes and know what the other thinks - at least, I have the feeling they do. Their whole friendship looks honest and healthy. In contrast, SaintZee were pretending a lot. It's pretty clear, it was all for the fanservice. They touched so much, it hurt because they wanted to please the production company and follow their contract and out of fear to do something wrong, they overdid it. And then, they had a fallout which wasn't very surprising, because I believe the atmosphere between them was very tense and all that touching was too much.

End

In conclusion, I hope things will change but it's such a long process, it's gonna take years. Now the BL industry doesn't look very bright in my eyes and it's gonna take a while to convince me otherwise. So, I decided for myself that I can consume the shows but won't care about the promotion any more.

I was too close to quit watching yesterday to just ignore it. I got mad again while writing this so I'm just gonna say, I will definetely watch "lovely writer" and "call it what you want" until the end because I wanna know more about this. I wanna know more about what happens behind the scenes.

Anyway, I hope I haven't turned your mood down 🙃

[grigori77]

2020 in Movies - My Top 30 Fave Movies (Part 3)

10.  WOLFWALKERS – eleven years ago, Irish director Tomm Moore exploded onto the animated cinema scene with The Secret of Kells, a spellbinding feature debut which captivated audiences the world over and even garnered an Oscar nomination.  Admittedly I didn’t actually even know about it until I discovered his work through his astonishing follow-up, Song of the Sea (another Academy Award nominee), in 2015, so when I finally caught it I was already a fan of Moore’s work.  It’s been a similarly long wait for his third feature, but he’s genuinely pulled off a hat-trick, delivering a third flawless film in a row which OF COURSE means that his latest feature is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, my top animated feature of 2020.  I could even be tempted to say it’s his best work to date … this is an ASTONISHING film, a work of such breath-taking, spell-binding beauty that I spent its entire hour and three-quarters glued to the screen, simple mesmerised by the wonder and majesty of this latest iteration of the characteristically stylised “Cartoon Saloon” look.  It’s also liberally steeped in Moore’s trademark Celtic vibe and atmosphere, once again delving deep into his homeland’s rich and evocative cultural history and mythology while also bringing us something far more original and personal – this time the titular supernatural beings are magical near-human beings whose own subconscious can assume the form of very real wolves.  Set in a particularly dark time in Irish history – namely 1650, when Oliver Cromwell was Lord Protector – the story follows Robyn (Honor Kneafsey, probably best known for the Christmas Prince films), the impetuous and spirited young daughter of English hunter Bill Goodfellowe (Sean Bean), brought in by the Protectorate to rid the city of Kilkenny of the wolves plaguing the area.  One day fate intervenes and Robyn meets Mebh Og MacTire (The Girl at the End of the Garden‘s Eve Whittaker), a wild girl living in the woods, whose accidental bite gives her strange dreams in which she becomes a wolf – turns out Mebh is a wolfwalker, and now so is Robyn … every aspect of this film is an utter triumph for Moore and co, who have crafted a work of living, breathing cinematic art that’s easily the equal to (if not even better than) the best that Disney, Dreamworks or any of the other animation studios could create.  Then there’s the excellent voice cast – Bean brings fatherly warmth and compassion to the role that belies his character’s intimidating size, while Kneafsey and Whittaker make for a sweet and sassy pair as they bond in spite of powerful cultural differences, and the masterful Simon McBurney (Harry Potter, Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy) brings cool, understated menace to the role of Cromwell himself.  This is a film with plenty of emotional heft to go with its marvels, and once again displays the welcome dark side which added particular spice to Moore’s previous films, but ultimately this is still a gentle and heartfelt work of wonder that makes for equally suitable viewing for children as for those who are still kids at heart – ultimately, then, this is another triumph for one of the most singularly original filmmakers working in animation today, and if Wolfwalkers doesn’t make it third time lucky come Oscars-time then there’s no justice in the world …

9.  WONDER WOMAN 1984 – probably the biggest change for 2020 compared to pretty much all of the past decade is how different the fortunes of superhero cinema turned out to be.  A year earlier the Marvel Cinematic Universe had dominated all, but the DC Extended Universe still got a good hit in with big surprise hit Shazam!  Fast-forward to now and things are VERY different – DC suddenly came out in the lead, but only because Marvel’s intended heavy-hitters (two MCU movies, the first Venom sequel and potential hot-shit new franchise starter Morbius: the Living Vampire) found themselves continuously pushed back thanks to (back then) unforeseen circumstances which continue to shit all over our theatre-going slate for the immediate future.  In the end DC’s only SERIOUS competition turned out to be NETFLIX … never mind, at least we got ONE big established superhero blockbuster into the cinemas before the end of the year that the whole family could enjoy, and who better to headline it than DC’s “newest” big screen megastar, Diana Prince? Back in 2017 Monster’s Ball director Patty Jenkins’ monumental DCEU standalone spectacularly realigned the trajectory of a cinematic franchise that was visibly flagging, redesigning the template for the series’ future which has since led to some (mostly) consistently impressive subsequent offerings.  Needless to say it was a damn tough act to follow, but Jenkins and co-writers Geoff Johns (Arrow and The Flash) and David Callaham (The Expendables, Zombieland: Double Tap, future MCU entry Shang-Chi & the Legend of the Ten Rings) have risen to the challenge in fine style, delivering something which pretty much equals that spectacular franchise debut … as has Gal Gadot, who’s now OFFICIALLY made the role her own thanks to yet another showstopping and definitive performance as the unstoppable Amazonian goddess living amongst us.  She’s older and wiser than in the first film, but still hasn’t lost that forthright honesty and wonderfully pure heart we’ve come to love ever since her introduction in Zack Snyder’s troublesome but ultimately underrated Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice (yes, that’s right, I said it!), and Gadot’s clear, overwhelming commitment to the role continues to pay off magnificently as she once again proves that Diana is THE VERY BEST superhero in the DCEU cinematic pantheon.  Although it takes place several decades after its predecessor, WW84 is, obviously, still very much a period piece, Jenkins and co this time perfectly capturing the sheer opulent and over-the-top tastelessness of the 1980s in all its big-haired, bad-suited, oversized shoulder-padded glory while telling a story that encapsulates the greedy excessiveness of the Reagan era, perfectly embodied in the film’s nominal villain, Max Lord (The Mandalorian himself, Pedro Pascal), a wishy-washy wannabe oil tycoon conman who chances upon a supercharged wish-rock and unleashes a devastating supernatural “monkey’s paw” upon the world. To say any more would give away a whole raft of spectacular twists and turns that deserve to be enjoyed good and cold, although they did spoil one major surprise in the trailer when they teased the return of Diana’s first love, Steve Trevor (Chris Pine) … needless to say this is another big blockbuster bursting with big characters, big action and BIG IDEAS, just what we’ve come to expect after Wonder Woman’s first triumphant big screen adventure.  Interestingly, the film starts out feeling like it’s going to be a bubbly, light, frothy affair – after a particularly stunning all-action opening flashback to Diana’s childhood on Themyscira, the film proper kicks off with a bright and breezy atmosphere that feels a bit like the kind of Saturday morning cartoon action the consistently impressive set-pieces take such unfettered joy in parodying, but as the stakes are raised the tone grows darker and more emotionally potent, the storm clouds gathering for a spectacularly epic climax that, for once, doesn’t feel too overblown or weighed down by its visual effects, while the intelligent script has unfathomable hidden depths to it, making us think far more than these kinds of blockbusters usually do.  It’s really great to see Chris Pine return since he was one of the best things about the first movie, and his lovably childlike wide-eyed wonder at this brave new world perfectly echoes Diana’s own last time round; Kristen Wiig, meanwhile, is pretty phenomenal throughout as Dr Barbara Minerva, the initially geeky and timid nerd who discovers an impressive inner strength but ultimately turns into a superpowered apex predator as she becomes one of Wonder Woman’s most infamous foes, the Cheetah; Pascal, of course, is clearly having the time of his life hamming it up to the hilt as Lord, playing gloriously against his effortlessly cool, charismatic action hero image to deliver a compellingly troubling examination of the monstrous corrupting influence of absolute power.  Once again, though, the film truly belongs to Gadot – she looks amazing, acts her socks off magnificently, and totally rules the movie.  After this, a second sequel is a no-brainer, because Wonder Woman remains the one DC superhero who’s truly capable of bearing the weight of this particular cinematic franchise on her powerful shoulders – needless to say, it’s already been greenlit, and with both Jenkins and Gadot onboard, I’m happy to sign up for more too …

8.  LOVE & MONSTERS – with the cinemas continuing their frustrating habit of opening for a little while and then closing while the pandemic ebbed and flowed in the months after the summer season, it was starting to look like there might not have been ANY big budget blockbusters to enjoy before year’s end as heavyweights like Black Widow, No Time To Die and Dune pulled back to potentially more certain release slots into 2021 (with only WW84 remaining stubbornly in place for Christmas).  Then Paramount decided to throw us a bone, opting to release this post-apocalyptic horror comedy on-demand in October instead, thus giving me the perfect little present to tie me over during the darkening days of autumn. The end result was a stone-cold gem that came out of nowhere to completely blow critics away, a spectacular sleeper hit that ultimately proved one of the year’s biggest and most brilliant surprises.  Director Michael Matthews may only have had South African indie thriller Five Fingers for Marseilles under his belt prior to this, but he proves he’s definitely a solid talent to watch in the future, crafting a fun and effective thrill-ride that, like all the best horror comedies, is consistently as funny as it is scary, sharing much of the same DNA as this particular mash-up genre’s classics like Tremors and Zombieland and standing up impressively well to such comparisons.  The story, penned by rising star Brian Duffield (who has TWO other entries on this list, Underwater and Spontaneous) and Matthew Robinson (The Invention of Lying, Dora & the Lost City of Gold), is also pretty ingenious and surprisingly original – a meteorite strike has unleashed weird mutagenic pathogens that warp various creepy crawly critters into gigantic monstrosities that have slaughter most of the world’s human population, leaving only a beleaguered, dwindling few to eke out a precarious living in underground colonies. Living in one such makeshift community is Joel Dawson (The Maze Runner’s Dylan O’Brien), a smart and likeable geek who really isn’t very adventurous, is extremely awkward and uncoordinated, and has a problem with freezing if threatened … which makes it all the more inexplicable when he decides, entirely against the advice of everyone he knows, to venture onto the surface so he can make the incredibly dangerous week-long trek to the neighbouring colony where his girlfriend Aimee (Iron Fist’s Jessica Henwick) has ended up.  Joel is, without a doubt, the best role that O’Brien has EVER had, a total dork who’s completely unsuited to this kind of adventure and, in the real world, sure to be eaten alive in the first five minutes, but he’s also such a fantastically believable, fallible everyman that every one of us desperate, pathetic omega-males and females can instantly put ourselves in his place, making it elementarily easy to root for him.  He’s also hilariously funny, his winningly self-deprecating sass and pitch perfect talent for physical comedy making it all the more rewarding watching each gloriously anarchic life-and-death encounter mould him into the year’s most unlikely action hero.  Henwick, meanwhile, once again impresses in a well-written role where she’s able to make a big impression despite her decidedly short screen time, as do the legendary Michael Rooker and brilliant newcomer Ariana Greenblatt as Clyde and Minnow, the adorably jaded, seen-it-all-before pair of “professional survivors” Joel meets en-route, who teach him to survive on the surface.  The action is fast, frenetic and potently visceral, the impressively realistic digital creature effects bringing a motley crew of bloodthirsty beasties to suitably blood-curdling life for the film’s consistently terrifying set-pieces, while the world-building is intricately thought-out and skilfully executed.  Altogether, this was an absolute joy from start to finish, and a film I enthusiastically endorsed to everyone I knew was looking for something fun to enjoy during the frustrating lockdown nights-in.  One of the cinematic year’s best kept secrets then, and a compelling sign of things to come for its up-and-coming director.

7.  PARASITE – I’ve been a fan of master Korean filmmaker Bong Joon-ho ever since I stumbled across his deeply weird but also thoroughly brilliant breakthrough feature The Host, and it’s a love that’s deepened since thanks to truly magnificent sci-fi actioner Snowpiercer, so I was looking forward to his latest feature as much as any movie geek, but even I wasn’t prepared for just what a runaway juggernaut of a hit this one turned out to be, from the insane box office to all that award-season glory (especially that undeniable clean-sweep at the Oscars). I’ll just come out and say it, this film deserves it all.  It’s EASILY Bong’s best film to date (which is really saying something), a masterful social satire and jet black comedy that raises some genuinely intriguing questions before delivering deeply troubling answers.  Straddling the ever-widening gulf between a disaffected idle rich upper class and impoverished, struggling lower class in modern-day Seoul, it tells the story of the Kim family – father Ki-taek (Bong’s good luck charm, Song Kang-ho), mother Chung-sook (Jang Hye-jin), son Ki-woo (Train to Busan’s Choi Woo-shik) and daughter Ki-jung (The Silenced’s Park So-dam) – a poor family living in a run-down basement apartment who live hand-to-mouth in minimum wage jobs and can barely rub two pennies together, until they’re presented with an intriguing opportunity.  Through happy chance, Ki-woon is hired as an English tutor for Park Da-hye (Jung Ji-so), the daughter of a wealthy family, which offers him the chance to recommend Ki-jung as an art tutor to the Parks’ troubled young son, Da-song (Jung Hyeon-jun). Soon the rest of the Kims are getting in on the act, the kids contriving opportunities for their father to replace Mr Park’s chauffeur and their mother to oust the family’s long-serving housekeeper, Gook Moon-gwang (Lee Jung-eun), and before long their situation has improved dramatically.  But as they two families become more deeply entwined, cracks begin to show in their supposed blissful harmony as the natural prejudices of their respective classes start to take hold, and as events spiral out of control a terrible confrontation looms on the horizon.  This is social commentary at its most scathing, Bong drawing on personal experiences from his youth to inform the razor-sharp script (co-written by his production assistant Han Jin-won), while he weaves a palpable atmosphere of knife-edged tension throughout to add spice to the perfectly observed dark humour of the situation, all the while throwing intriguing twists and turns at us before suddenly dropping such a massive jaw-dropper of a gear-change that the film completely turns on its head to stunning effect.  The cast are all thoroughly astounding, Song once again dominating the film with a turn at once sloppy and dishevelled but also poignant and heartfelt, while there are particularly noteworthy turns from Lee Sun-kyun as the Parks’ self-absorbed patriarch Dong-ik and Choi Yeo-jeong (The Concubine) as his flighty, easily-led wife Choi Yeon-gyo, as well as a fantastically weird appearance in the latter half from Park Myung-hoon.  This is heady stuff, dangerously seductive even as it becomes increasingly uncomfortable viewing, so that even as the screws tighten and everything goes to hell it’s simply impossible to look away.  Bong Joon-ho really has surpassed himself this time, delivering an existential mind-scrambler that lingers long after the credits have rolled and might even have you questioning your place in society once you’ve thought about it some. It deserves every single award and every ounce of praise it’s been lavished with, and looks set to go down as one of the true cinematic greats of this new decade.  Trust me, if this was a purely critical best-of list it’d be RIGHT AT THE TOP …

6.  THE OLD GUARD – Netflix’ undisputable TOP OFFERING of the summer came damn close to bagging the whole season, and I can’t help thinking that even if some of the stiffer competition had still been present it may well have still finished this high. Gina Prince-Blythewood (Love & Basketball, the Secret Life of Bees) directs comics legend Greg Rucka’s adaptation of his own popular series with uncanny skill and laser-focused visual flair considering there’s nothing on her previous CV to suggest she’d be THIS good at mounting a stomping great ultraviolent action thriller, ushering in a thoroughly engrossing tale of four ancient, invulnerable immortal warriors – Andy AKA Andromache of Scythia (Charlize Theron), Booker AKA Sebastian de Livre (Matthias Schoenaerts), Joe AKA Yusuf Al-Kaysani (Wolf’s Marwan Kenzari) and Nicky AKA Niccolo di Ginova (Trust’s Luca Marinelli) – who’ve been around forever, hiring out their services as mercenaries for righteous causes while jealously guarding their identities for fear of horrific experimentation and exploitation should their true natures ever be discovered.  Their anonymity is threatened, however, when they’re uncovered by former CIA operative James Copley (Chiwetel Ejiofor), who’s working for the decidedly dodgy pharmaceutical conglomerate run by sociopathic billionaire Steven Merrick (Harry Melling, formerly Dudley in the Harry Potter movies), who want to capture these immortals so they can patent whatever it is that makes them keep on ticking … just as a fifth immortal, US Marine Nile Freeman (If Beale Street Could Talk’s KiKi Layne), awakens after being “killed” on deployment in Afghanistan.  The supporting players are excellent, particularly Ejiofor, smart and driven but ultimately principled and deeply conflicted about what he’s doing, even if he does have the best of intentions, and Melling, the kind of loathsome, reptilian scumbag you just love to hate, but the film REALLY DOES belong to the Old Guard themselves – Schoenaerts is a master brooder, spot-on casting as the group’s relative newcomer, only immortal since the Napoleonic Wars but clearly one seriously old soul who’s already VERY tired of the lifestyle, while Joe and Nicky (who met on opposing sides of the Crusades) are simply ADORABLE, an unapologetically matter-of-fact gay couple who are sweet, sassy and incredibly kind, the absolute emotional heart of the film; it’s the ladies, however, that are most memorable here.  Layne is exceptional, investing Nile with a steely intensity that puts her in good stead as her new existence threatens to overwhelm her and MORE THAN qualified to bust heads alongside her elders … but it’s ancient Greek warrior Andy who steals the film, Theron building on the astounding work she did in Atomic Blonde to prove, once and for all, that there’s no woman on Earth who looks better kicking arse than her (as Booker puts it, “that woman has forgotten more ways to kill than entire armies will ever learn”); in her hands, Andy truly is a goddess of death, tough as tungsten alloy and unflappable even in the face of hell itself, but underneath it all she hides a heart as big as any of her friends’.  They’re an impossibly lovable bunch and you feel you could follow them on another TEN adventures like this one, which is just as well, because Prince-Blythewood and Rucka certainly put them through their paces here – the drama is high (but frequently laced with a gentle, knowing sense of humour, particularly whenever Joe and Nicky are onscreen), as are the stakes, and the frequent action sequences are top-notch, executed with rare skill and bone-crunching zest, but also ALWAYS in service to the story.  Altogether this is an astounding film, a genuine victory for its makers and, it seems, for Netflix themselves – it’s become one of the platform’s biggest hits to date, earning well-deserved critical acclaim and great respect and genuine geek love from the fanbase at large.  After this, a sequel is not only inevitable, it’s ESSENTIAL …

5.  MANK – it’s always nice when David Fincher, one of my TOP FIVE ALL TIME FAVOURITE DIRECTORS, drops a new movie, because it can be GUARANTEED to place good and high in my rundown for that year.  The man is a frickin’ GENIUS, a true master of the craft, genuinely one of the auteur’s auteurs.  I’ve NEVER seen him deliver a bad film – even a misfiring Fincher (see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button or Alien 3) is still capable of creating GREAT CINEMA.  How? Why?  It’s because he genuinely LOVES the art form, it’s been his obsession all his life, and he’s spent every day of it becoming the best possible filmmaker he can be.  Who better to tell the story of the creation of one of the ULTIMATE cinematic masterpieces, then?  Benjamin Ross’ acclaimed biopic RKO 281 covered similar ground, presenting a compelling look into the making Citizen Kane, the timeless masterpiece of Hollywood’s ULTIMATE auteur, Orson Welles, but Fincher’s film is more interested in the original inspiration for the story, how it was written and, most importantly, the man who wrote it – Herman J. Mankiewicz, known to his friends as Mank. One of my favourite actors of all time, Gary Oldman, delivers yet another of his career best performances in the lead role, once a man of vision and incredible storytelling skill whose talents have largely been squandered through professional difficulties and personal vices, a burned out one-time great fallen on hard times whom Welles picks up out of the trash, dusts off and offers a chance to create something truly great again.  The only catch?  The subject of their film (albeit dressed up in the guise of fictional newspaper magnate Charles Foster Kane) is to be real-life publisher, politico and tycoon William Randolph Hurst (Charles Dance), once Mank’s friend and patron before they had a very public and messy falling out which partly led to his current circumstances.  As he toils away in seclusion on what is destined to become his true masterwork, flashbacks reveal to us the fascinating, moving and ultimately tragic tale of his rise and fall from grace in the movie business, set against the backdrop of one of the most tumultuous periods in American history.  Shooting a script that his own journalist and screenwriter father, Jack, crafted and then failed to bring to the screen himself before his death in 2003, Fincher has been working for almost a quarter century to make this film, and all that passion and drive is writ large on the screen – this is a glorious film ABOUT film, the art of it, the creation of it, and all the dirty little secrets of what the industry itself has always really been like, especially in that most glamorous and illusory of times.  The fact that Fincher shot in black and white and intentionally made it look like it was made in the early 1940s (the “golden age of the Silver Screen”, if you will) may seem like a gimmick, but instead it’s a very shrewd choice that expertly captures the gloss and moodiness of the age, almost looking like a contemporary companion piece to Kane itself, and it’s the perfect way to frame all the sharp-witted observation, subtly subversive character development and murky behind-the-scenes machinations that tell the story.  Oldman is in every way the star here, holding the screen with all the consummate skill and flair we’ve come to expect from him, but there’s no denying the uniformly excellent supporting cast are equal to the task here – Dance is at his regal, charismatic best as Hearst, while Amanda Seyfried is icily classy on the surface but mischievous and lovably grounded underneath as Hearst’s mistress, Marion Davies, who formed the basis for Kane’s most controversial character, Arliss Howard (Full Metal Jacket, The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Moneyball) brings nuance and complexity to the role of MGM founder Louis B. Mayer, Tom Pelphrey (Banshee, Ozark) is understated but compelling as Mank’s younger screenwriter brother Joseph, and Lily Collins and Tuppence Middleton exude class and long-suffering stubbornness as the two main women in Mank’s life (his secretary and platonic muse, Rita Alexander, and his wife, Sara), while The Musketeers’ Tom Burke’s periodic but potent appearances as Orson Welles help to drive the story in the “present”.  Another Netflix release which I was (thankfully) able to catch on the big screen during one of the brief lulls between British lockdowns, this was a decidedly meta cinematic experience that perfectly encapsulated not only what is truly required for the creation of a screen epic, but also the latest pinnacle in the career of one of the greatest filmmakers working in the business today, powerful, stirring, intriguing and surprising in equal measure. Certainly it’s one of the most important films ABOUT so far film this century, but is it as good as Citizen Kane?  Boy, that’s a tough one …

4.  ENOLA HOLMES – ultimately, my top film for the autumn/winter movie season was also the film which finally topped my Netflix Original features list, as well as beating all other streaming offerings for the entire year (which is saying something, as you should know by now).  Had things been different, this would have been one of Warner Bros’ BIGGEST releases for the year in the cinema, of that I have no doubt, a surprise sleeper hit which would have taken the world by storm – as it is it’s STILL become a sensation, albeit in a much more mid-pandemic, lockdown home-viewing kind of way.  Before you start crying oh God no, not another Sherlock Holmes adaptation, this is a very different beast from either the Guy Ritchie take or the modernized BBC show, instead side-lining the great literary sleuth in favour of a delicious new AU version, based on The Case of the Missing Marquess, the first novel in the Enola Holmes Mysteries literary series from American YA author Nancy Springer.  Positing that Sherlock Holmes (Henry Cavill) and his elder brother Mycroft (Sam Claflin) had an equally ingenious and precocious baby sister, the film introduces us to Enola (Stranger Things’ Millie Bobby Brown), who’s been raised at home by their strong-willed mother Eudoria (Helena Bonham Carter) to be just as intelligent, well-read and intellectually skilled as her far more advantageously masculine elder siblings.  Then, on the morning of her sixteenth birthday, Enola awakens to find her mother has vanished, putting her in a pretty pickle since this leaves her a ward of Mycroft, a self-absorbed social peacock who finds her to be wilfully free-spirited and completely ill equipped to face the world, concluding that the only solution is sending her to boarding school where she’ll learn to become a proper lady.  Needless to say she’s horrified by the prospect, deciding to run away and search for her mother instead … this is about as perfect a family adventure film as you could wish for, following a vital, capable and compelling teen detective-in-the-making as she embarks on her very first investigation, as well as winding up tangled in a second to boot involving a young runaway noble, Viscount Tewkesbury, the Marquess of Basilwether (Medici’s Louis Partridge), and the film is a breezy, swift-paced and rewardingly entertaining romp that feels like a welcome breath of fresh air for a literary property which, beloved as it may be, has been adapted to death over the years.  Enola Holmes a brilliant young hero who’s perfectly crafted to carry the franchise forward in fresh new directions, and Brown brings her to life with effervescent charm, boisterous energy and mischievous irreverence that are entirely irresistible; Cavill and Claflin, meanwhile, are perfectly cast as the two very different brothers – this Sherlock is much less louche and world-weary than most previous versions, still razor sharp and intellectually restless but with a comfortable ease and a youthful spring in his step that perfectly suits the actor, while Mycroft is as superior and arrogant as ever, a preening arse we derive huge enjoyment watching Enola consistently get the best of; Bonham Carter doesn’t get a lot of screen-time but as we’d expect she does a lot with what she has to make the practical, eccentric and unapologetically modern Eudoria thoroughly memorable, while Partridge is carefree and likeable as the naïve but irresistible Tewkesbury, and there are strong supporting turns from Frances de la Tour as his stately grandmother, the Dowager, Susie Wokoma (Crazyhead, Truth Seekers) as Emily, a feisty suffragette who runs a jujitsu studio, Burn Gorman as dastardly thug-for-hire Linthorn, and Four Lions’ Adeel Akhtar as a particularly scuzzy Inspector Lestrade.  Seasoned TV director Harry Bradbeer (Fleabag, Killing Eve) makes his feature debut with an impressive splash, unfolding the action at a brisk pace while keeping the narrative firmly focused on an intricate mystery plot that throws in plenty of ingenious twists and turns before a suitably atmospheric climax and pleasing denouement which nonetheless artfully sets up more to come in the future, while screenwriter Jack Thorne (His Dark Materials, The Scouting Book for Boys, Wonder) delivers strong character work and liberally peppers the dialogue with a veritable cavalcade of witty zingers.  Boisterous, compelling, amusing, affecting and exciting in equal measure, this is a spirited and appealing slice of cinematic escapism that flatters its viewers and never talks down to them, a perfect little period adventure for a cosy Sunday afternoon.  Obviously there’s plenty of potential for more, and with further books to adapt there’s more than enough material for a pile of sequels – Neflix would be barmy indeed to turn their nose up at this opportunity …

3.  1917 – it’s a rare thing for a film to leave me truly shell-shocked by its sheer awesomeness, for me to walk out of a cinema in a genuine daze, unable to talk or even really think about much of anything for a few hours because I’m simply marvelling at what I’ve just witnessed.  Needless to say, when I do find a film like that (Fight Club, Inception, Mad Max: Fury Road) it usually earns a place very close to my heart indeed.  The latest tour-de-force from Sam Mendes is one of those films – an epic World War I thriller that plays out ENTIRELY in one shot, which doesn’t simply feel like a glorified gimmick or stunt but instead is a genuine MASTERPIECE of film, a mesmerising journey of emotion and imagination in a shockingly real environment that’s impossible to tear your eyes away from.  Sure, Mendes has impressed us before – his first film, American Beauty, is a GREAT movie, one of the most impressive feature debuts of the 2000s, while Skyfall is, in my opinion, quite simply THE BEST BOND FILM EVER MADE – but this is in a whole other league.  It’s an astounding achievement, made all the more impressive when you realise that there’s very little trickery at play here, no clever digital magic (just some augmentation here and there), it’s all real locations and sets, filmed in long, elaborately choreographed takes blended together with clever edits to make it as seamless as possible – it’s not the first film to try to do this (remember Birdman? Bushwick?), but I’ve never seen it done better, or with greater skill. But it’s not just a clever cinematic exercise, there’s a genuine story here, told with guts and urgency, and populated by real flesh and blood characters – the heart of the film is True History of the Kelly Gang’s George MacKay and Dean Chapman (probably best known as Tommen Baratheon in Game of Thrones) as Lance Corporals Will Schofield and Tom Blake, the two young tommies sent out across enemy territory on a desperate mission to stop a British regiment from rushing headlong into a German trap (Tom himself has a personal stake in this because his brother is an officer in the attack).  They’re a likeable pair, very human and relatable throughout, brave and true but never so overtly heroic that they stretch credibility, so when tragedy strikes along the way it’s particularly devastating; both deliver exceptional performances that effortlessly carry us through the film, and they’re given sterling support from a selection of top-drawer British talent, from Sherlock stars Andrew Scott and Benedict Cumberbatch to Mark Strong and Colin Firth, each delivering magnificently in small but potent cameos.  That said, the cinematography and art department are the BIGGEST stars here, masterful veteran DOP Roger Deakins (The Shawshank Redemption, Blade Runner 2049 and pretty much the Coen Brothers’ entire back catalogue among MANY others) making every frame sing with beauty, horror, tension or tragedy as the need arises, and the environments are SO REAL it feels less like production design than that someone simply sent the cast and crew back in time to film in the real Northern France circa 1917 – from a nightmarish trek across No Man’s Land to a desperate chase through a ruined French village lit only by dancing flare-light in the darkness before dawn, every scene is utterly immersive and simply STUNNING.  I don’t think it’s possible for Mendes to make a film better than this, but I sure hope he gives it a go all the same.  Either way, this was the most incredible, exhausting, truly AWESOME experience I had at the cinema all year – it’s a film that DESERVES to be seen on the big screen, and I feel truly sorry for those who missed the chance …

2.  BIRDS OF PREY & THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF ONE HARLEY QUINN – the only reason 1917 isn’t at number two is because Warner Bros.’ cinematic DC Extended Universe project FINALLY got round to bringing my favourite DC Comics title to the big screen.  It was been the biggest pleasure of my cinematic year getting to see my top DC superheroines brought to life on the big screen, and it was done in high style, in my opinion THE BEST of the DCEU films to date (yup, I loved it EVEN MORE than the Wonder Woman movies).  It was also great seeing Harley Quinn return after her show-stealing turn in David Ayer’s clunky but ultimately still hugely enjoyable Suicide Squad, better still that they got her SPOT ON this time – this is the Harley I’ve always loved in the comics, unpredictable, irreverent and entirely without regard for what anyone else thinks of her, as well as one talented psychiatrist.  Margot Robbie once more excels in the role she was basically BORN to play, clearly relishing the chance to finally do Harley TRUE justice, and she’s a total riot from start to finish, infectiously lovable no matter what crazy, sometimes downright REPRIHENSIBLE antics she gets up to.  Needless to say she’s the nominal star here, her latest ill-advised adventure driving the story – finally done with the Joker and itching to make her emancipation official, Harley publicly announces their breakup by blowing up Ace Chemicals (their love spot, basically), inadvertently painting a target on her back in the process since she’s no longer under the assumed protection of Gotham’s feared Clown Prince of Crime – but that doesn’t mean she eclipses the other main players the movie’s REALLY supposed to be about.  Each member of the Birds of Prey is beautifully written and brought to vivid, arse-kicking life by what had to be 2020’s most exciting cast – Helena Bertinelli, the Huntress, is the perfect character for Mary Elizabeth Winstead to finally pay off on that action hero potential she showed in Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World, but this is a MUCH more enjoyable role outside of the fight choreography because while Helena may be a world-class dark avenger, socially she’s a total dork, which just makes her thoroughly adorable; Rosie Perez is similarly perfect casting as Renee Montoya, the uncompromising pint-sized Gotham PD detective who kicks against the corrupt system no matter what kind of trouble it gets her into, and just gets angrier all the time, paradoxically making us like her even more; and then there’s the film’s major controversy, at least as far as the fans are concerned, namely one Cassandra Cain.  Sure, this take is VERY different from the comics’ version (a nearly mute master assassin who went on to become the second woman to wear the mask of Batgirl before assuming her own crime-fighting mantle as Black Bat and now Orphan), but personally I like to think this is simply Cass at THE VERY START of her origin story, leaving plenty of time for her to discover her warrior origins when the DCEU finally gets around to introducing her mum, Lady Shiva (personally I want Michelle Yeoh to play her, but that’s just me) – anyways, here she’s a skilled child pickpocket whose latest theft inadvertently sets off the larger central plot, and newcomer Ella Jay Basco brings a fantastic pre-teen irreverence and spiky charm to the role, beautifully playing against Robbie’s mercurial energy.  My favourite here BY FAR, however, is Dinah Lance, aka the Black Canary (not only my favourite Bird of Prey but my very favourite DC superheroine PERIOD), the choice of up-and-comer Jurnee Smollet-Bell (Friday Night Lights, Underground) proving to be the film’s most inspired casting – a club singer with the metahuman ability to emit piercing supersonic screams, she’s also a ferocious martial artist (in the comics she’s one of the very best fighters IN THE WORLD), as well as a wonderfully pure soul you just can’t help loving, and it made me SO UNBELIEVABLY HAPPY that they got my Canary EXACTLY RIGHT.  Altogether they’re a fantastic bunch of badass ladies, basically my perfect superhero team, and the way they’re all brought together (along with Harley, of course) is beautifully thought out and perfectly executed … they’ve also got one hell of a threat to overcome, namely Gotham crime boss Roman Sionis, the Black Mask, one of the Joker’s chief rivals – Ewan McGregor brings his A-game in a frustratingly rare villainous turn (my number one bad guy for the movie year), a monstrously narcissistic, woman-hating control freak with a penchant for peeling off the faces of those who displease him, sharing some exquisitely creepy chemistry with Chris Messina (The Mindy Project) as Sionis’ nihilistic lieutenant Victor Zsasz.  This is about as good as superhero cinema gets, a perfect example of the sheer brilliance you get when you switch up the formula to create something new, an ultra-violent, unapologetically R-rated middle finger to the classic tropes, a fantastic black comedy thrill ride that’s got to be the most full-on feminist blockbuster ever made – it’s helmed by a woman (Dead Pigs director Cathy Yan), written by a woman (Bumblebee’s Christina Hodson), produced by more women and ABOUT a bunch of badass women magnificently triumphing over toxic masculinity in all its forms.  It’s also simply BRILLIANT – the cast are all clearly having a blast, the action sequences are first rate (the spectacular GCPD evidence room fight in which Harley gets to REALLY cut loose is the undisputable highlight), it has a gleefully anarchic sense of humour and is simply BURSTING with phenomenal homages, references and in-jokes for the fans (Bruce the hyena! Stuffed beaver! Roller derby!).  It’s also got a killer soundtrack, populated almost exclusively by numbers from female artists.  Altogether, then, this is the VERY BEST the DCEU has to offer to date, and VERY NEARLY my absolute FAVOURITE film of 2020.  Give it all the love you can, it sure as hell deserves it.

1.  TENET – granted, the streaming platforms (particularly Netflix and Amazon) certainly saved our cinematic summer, but I’m still IMMEASURABLY glad that my ultimate top-spot winner FOR THE WHOLE YEAR was one I got to experience on THE BIG SCREEN. You gotta hand it to Christopher Nolan, he sure hung in there, stubbornly determined that his latest cinematic masterpiece WOULD be released in cinemas in the summer (albeit ultimately landing JUST inside the line in the final week of August and ultimately taking the bite at the box office because of the still shaky atmosphere), and it was worth all the fuss because, for me, this was THE PERFECT MOVIE for me to get return to cinemas with.  I mean, okay, in the end it WASN’T the FIRST new movie I saw after the first reopening, that honour went to Unhinged, but THIS was my first real Saturday night-out big screen EXPERIENCE since March.  Needless to say, Nolan didn’t disappoint this time any more than he has on any of his consistently spectacular previous releases, delivering another twisted, mind-boggling headfuck of a full-blooded experiential sensory overload that comes perilously close to toppling his long-standing auteur-peak, Inception (itself second only by fractions to The Dark Knight as far as I’m concerned). To say much at all about the plot would give away major spoilers – personally I’d recommend just going in as cold as possible, indeed you really should just stop reading this right now and just GO SEE IT.  Still with us?  Okay … the VERY abridged version is that it’s about a secret war being waged between the present and the future by people capable of “inverting” time in substances, objects, people, whatever, into which the Protagonist (BlacKkKlansman’s John David Washington), an unnamed CIA agent, has been dispatched in order to prevent a potential coming apocalypse. Washington is once again on top form, crafting a robust and compelling morally complex heroic lead who’s just as comfortable negotiating the minefields of black market intrigue as he is breaking into places or dispatching heavies, Kenneth Branagh delivers one of his most interesting and memorable performances in years as brutal Russian oligarch Andrei Sator, a genuinely nasty piece of work who was ALMOST the year’s very best screen villain, Elizabeth Debicki (The Night Manager, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Widows) brings strength, poise and wounded integrity to the role of Sator’s estranged wife, Kat, and Aaron Taylor-Johnson gets to use his own accent for once as tough-as-nails British Intelligence officer Ives, while there are brief but consistently notable supporting turns and cameos from Martin Donovan, Yesterday’s Himesh Patel, Dirk Gently’s Fiona Dourif and, of course, Nolan’s good luck charm, Michael Caine.  The cast’s biggest surprise, however, is Robert Pattinson, truly a revelation in what has to be, HANDS DOWN, his best role to date, Neil, the Protagonist’s mysterious handler – he’s by turns cheeky, slick, duplicitous and thoroughly badass, delivering an enjoyably multi-layered, chameleonic performance which proves what I’ve long maintained, that the former Twilight star is actually a fucking amazing actor, and on the basis of this, even if that amazing new teaser trailer wasn’t making the rounds, I think the debate about whether or not he’s the right choice for the new Batman is now academic.  As we’ve come to expect from Nolan, this is a TRUE tour-de-force experience, a visual triumph and an endlessly engrossing head-scratcher, Nolan’s screenplay bringing in seriously big ideas and throwing us some major narrative knots and loopholes, constantly wrong-footing the viewer while also setting up truly revelatory payoffs from seemingly low-key, unimportant beginnings – this is a film you need to be awake and attentive for or you could miss something pretty vital. The action sequences are, as ever, second to none, some of the year’s very best set-pieces coming thick and fast and executed with some of the most accomplished skill in the business, while Nolan-regular cinematographer Hoyte van Hoytema (Interstellar and Dunkirk, as well as the heady likes of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, SPECTRE and Ad Astra) once again shows he’s one of the best camera-wizards in the business today by delivering some absolutely mesmerising visuals.  Notably, Nolan’s other regular collaborator, composer Hans Zimmer, is absent here (although he had good reason, since he was working on his dream project at the time, the fast-approaching screen adaptation of Dune), but Ludwig Göransson (best known for his collaborations with Ryan Coogler Fruitvale Station, Creed and Black Panther, as well as career-best work on The Mandalorian) is a fine replacement, crafting an intriguingly internalised, post-modern musical landscape that thrums and pulses in time with the story and emotions of the characters rather than the action itself. Interestingly it’s on the subject of sound that some of the film’s rare detractions have been levelled, and I can see some of the points – the soundtrack mix is an all-encompassing thing, and there are times when the dialogue can be overwhelmed, but in Nolan’s defence this film is a heady, immersive experience, something you really need to concentrate on, so these potential flaws are easily forgiven.  As a work of filmmaking art, this is another flawless wonder from one of the true masters of the craft working in cinema today, but it’s art with palpable substance, a rewarding whole that proved truly unbeatable in 2020 …

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Bridging the Gap.

Filmmaker So Yun Um highlights ten underrated Asian American and Pacific Islander films set against the backdrop of America.

Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month has many film lovers seeking to celebrate Asian American cinema. Beyond Minari, Always Be My Maybe and Crazy Rich Asians, there are dozens of films that depict the Asian American experience. In choosing to focus on ten of the lesser-seen, I contemplated the notion of what defines AAPI cinema.

For me, it goes deeper than films that have been directed by, or star, Asian American and Pacific artists. Having watched a wide selection of Asian American films, I can firmly say our cinema, no matter the genre, puts Asian Americans at the forefront on both sides of the camera. I believe the essence of Asian American cinema was born out of resourcefulness, mining themes and ideas that distinctly bridge the gap between Asian and American culture. These films tell stories that explore the vast differences between the two, and the ways in which they coexist, whether comfortably or uncomfortably.

In selecting these ten underrated AAPI films, I searched deep to find stories with uncompromising vision and character; stories about Asians that could only be told within, and against the backdrop of, America. These ten films highlight intimate, distinct and unfiltered experiences mostly unseen at our local multiplexes: family and cultural obligations, generational and cultural gaps, and raw, mostly obscured views of American life.

Chan is Missing (1982) Directed by Wayne Wang, written by Isaac Cronin and Wayne Wang

There would be no Asian American independent cinema without Wayne Wang’s Chan is Missing. Shot on black-and-white film, this striking noir follows Jo, a San Franciscan cab driver, and his nephew, Steve, as they track down the titular Chan after he disappears with their money. Wang’s unpredictable directing career spans neighborhood intrigues, rom-coms and family movies; alongside which, he has kept a strong focus on Asian American stories (he helmed the adaptation of Amy Tan’s generational bestseller, The Joy Luck Club).

In Chan is Missing, for the first time on screen, we get to finally see an “ABC” (American-Born Chinese) story from the source, with an all-access pass to the often misunderstood terrain and people of Chinatown. It’s the tightness of the plot and the authenticity of its characters that make this movie such a classic. Even after 40 years, Chan Is Missing doesn’t feel dated—its laugh-out-loud dialogue (they actually utter the word “FOB”!) and moody tone capture why Chinatown continues to be an enigma. Spoilers: Chinatown runs by its own rules.

Available on DVD via Indiepix Films.

Better Luck Tomorrow (2002) Directed by Justin Lin, written by Ernesto Foronda, Justin Lin and Fabian Marquez

Justin Lin’s directorial debut film is a visionary portrait of Asian Americans that’s still relevant two decades on. Since its release in the early aughts, there has yet to be a film that explores the nuances and complexities of the average Southern-California Asian American teen like this film does. Better Luck Tomorrow focuses on a group of Asian American overachievers who become bored with their lives and enter a world of petty crime. It’s loosely based on four Sunny Hills High School students and the real-life murder of Stuart Tay, a teenager from the OC.

With its depiction of overachieving A+ students who are also foul-mouthed, drug-taking kids, this film was the launching pad for many iconic Asian American actors today—Sung Kang from the Fast and Furious franchise, John Cho (Star Trek) and my personal favorite, Jason Tobin, star of the Warrior TV series. (It’s entertaining to see the seeds of the Fast and Furious series planted in this film in the character of Han, played by Sung Kang, before the explosion of the franchise: one of the characters mutters, “Rumors about us came and went fast and furious”—and the rest is history.)

Better Luck Tomorrow still stands as the most iconic film to capture the suburban Asian American teen existence in all its good, bad and ugly light. “I was part of a movement,” Tobin recalled in this GQ oral history of the film, “and it was a culmination of all the battles I had fought before that to get Asian faces on the big screen.”

Available to stream and rent on multiple platforms.

The Grace Lee Project (2005) Directed by Grace Lee

If you’re an Asian American who grew up in California or New York, chances are, you know at least two Grace Lees in your life. But growing up in Missouri, Korean American filmmaker Grace Lee was the only one she knew with her name. She soon discovers that with the name comes a certain stereotype, that of the “good” Asian—quiet, well-behaved and a hard worker. Lee goes on a quest to interview a wide range of women who have the same name and soon discover if this wildly common stereotype is true.

Lee’s witty, autobiographical documentary is effortlessly funny and insightful. The Grace Lee Project dives deep into identity politics to reveal that sometimes, a name is simply a name. This was the start of Grace Lee’s journey as a filmmaker and she continues to be an important voice in not just the documentary space but in narrative stories as well.

Streaming on Kanopy.

Saving Face (2004) Written and directed by Alice Wu

Alice Wu’s Saving Face is a timeless queer love story. Produced by none other than Will Smith (yes, that Will Smith), Saving Face follows a Chinese American lesbian woman and her traditional mother (played by Michelle Krusiec and Joan Chen, respectively) as both battle with their reluctance to go against cultural expectations and reveal their secret loves. It’s part family drama, part rom-com, exploring expectations specific to Asian women across generations.

While most Asian American films focus on familial obligations through the point of view of the children of immigrants, Wu’s film considers the conflicts of both daughter and mother. For Asian Americans, it’s a tale as old as time but with a twist that shows that no matter how old you get, you still have to, unfortunately, fight to be who you are. I also highly recommend Wu’s spiritual sequel, The Half of It, on Netflix.

Streaming on Amazon Prime and Tubi, and for rent on various VOD platforms.

In Between Days (‘방황의 날들’, 2007) Directed by So Yong Kim, written by Bradley Rust Gray and So Yong Kim

So Yong Kim’s debut feature, In Between Days, follows Jiseon Kim, a Korean teen immigrant, who falls in love with her best friend while navigating the challenges of living in a new country. Director Kim is a masterful storyteller and captures life as it should be seen: unfiltered and trivial at times, but using the mundane to find cinematic magic.

I like to categorize So Yong Kim’s work as a showcase of extreme intimacy. Her story features painfully delicate characters and moments so real, you’ll wonder how any of these scenes could be fiction. There’s a sense of vulnerability and loneliness that fills the air as Jiseon struggles to assimilate to a new country, replete with toxic relationships, self-sabotage and unrelenting jealousy. So Yong Kim’s work is so painfully real, it hurts to watch.

Available on Kanopy and Amazon.

Ping Pong Playa (2007) Directed by Jessica Yu, written by Jimmy Tsai and Jessica Yu

There are two things that embody countless Asian American men’s experience: their love for basketball, and their love of rap music. Ping Pong Playa covers both, and is exactly the kind of Asian American comedy I’ve been waiting for! Christopher “C-Dub” Wang (played by co-writer Jimmy Tsai) is a wannabe baller and a supreme slacker who has to step up to the plate when his family’s business and ping-pong-champion reputation is on the line. In addition to being centered around an Asian family, the core of the film rivals any other low-brow, underdog sport film.

Laugh-out-loud hilarious, this is Academy-Award-winning filmmaker Jessica Yu’s first narrative feature, following a groundbreaking career full of daring documentaries (her Oscar was for this portrait of writer Mark O’Brien, who spent much of his life in an iron lung). Seeing C-Dub as an NBA-loving slacker turned ping-pong playa felt validating; it showed that even if you’re a lazy and immature Asian, you can always find something to succeed at.

Streaming on Tubi, and for rent on Amazon and iTunes.

In Football We Trust (2015) Directed by Tony Vainuku and Erika Cohn

While Salt Lake City, Utah, is seen as predominantly a white Mormon town, it in fact has the largest population of Pacific Islanders in the US mainland, due to the strength of the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ proselytizing in the Pacific. The documentary In Football We Trust follows four Polynesian high-school students, as they chase their lifelong dream of attaining professional recruitment. Told in moments of adolescence, the film follows the greatest challenges for these four young men, as they chase their dreams while trying to grow up.

In no time, they’re faced with the harsh reality that just maybe, football isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. As much as their hefty attributes and builds serve as their greatest advantages, these boys’ cultural and familial obligations become both their greatest motivations and, possibly, their downfall. Filmed over the span of four years, first time filmmakers Tony Vainuku and Erika Cohn chronicle the NFL hopefuls as they navigate the pressure to balance dreams and family to win a golden ticket out of gang violence and poverty.

Streaming on Kanopy, and for rent on various VOD platforms.

Spa Night (2016) Written and directed by Andrew Ahn

In his directorial debut, Andrew Ahn perfectly captures a specific corner of Los Angeles’ Koreatown. Spa Night’s focus is David, a closeted Korean American teenager who takes a job at a Korean spa to help his struggling family, and then discovers an underground world of gay sex. You may recognize Joe Seo as the goofy bully in the Netflix hit show Cobra Kai, but it’s Spa Night where you can see him truly shine—he won Sundance’s US Dramatic Special Jury Award for Breakthrough Performance.

Seo delivers a powerfully restrained performance, exploring the burden of hiding your true self from your family. Spa Night is more than a coming out story, it’s also about the broken American dream that so many immigrants experience. Ahn’s direction is finely tuned, honing in on the specificity of Koreatown. It is an acutely queer story of second-gen Asian Americans, where coming out is never really about just you, but also your family.

Streaming on Kanopy, and for rent on various VOD platforms.

Punching at the Sun (2006) Directed by Tanuj Chopra, written by Tanuj Chopra and Hart Eddy

Mameet is young, angry and has always lived in the shadow of his basketball-legend brother, Sanjay. When Sanjay is suddenly killed during a robbery at the family store, Mameet spirals and takes his anger out on anyone and everyone. Coping with loss at a young age is hard enough, but Punching at the Sun mixes in the specific anxieties of being a South-Asian man amidst the backdrop of post-9/11 America. In doing so, the film addresses the difficulty of juggling teenage angst and immigrant identity—Mameet is not afforded the option to express his anger and grief.

Cathartic and emotionally validating, this is a simple yet nuanced slice-of-life story that conveys the heaviness of growing up with the weight of the world on our shoulders. In Mameet’s case, thank goodness, he ultimately shares some of that burden with his comical friends and knit-tight family.

Available to rent on Vimeo.

Meet the Patels (2014) Directed by Ravi Patel and Geeta Patel, written by Ravi Patel, Matthew Hamachek, Billy McMillin, and Geeta Patel

In the romantic documentary Meet the Patels, Ravi Patel is a dutiful first-gen son whose parents are continually nagging him to marry a nice Indian girl. With Ravi's sister Geeta Patel co-directing and co-writing, and his parents in the frame, his film (and true-life story) are indeed a family affair. What starts as his journey to find a wife to make his family happy becomes an enlightening intro to Indian culture and modern love—think dating apps, weddings and a Patel Matrimonial Convention (gotta see it to believe).

Humorous as it is outrageously charming, Meet the Patels ultimately shows the struggles and cultural expectations most immigrant offspring face, on top of the million other obstacles of trying to find your one and only true love in this mad, mad world.

Streaming on various platforms.

Related content

Ten Underrated Asian American & Pacific Islander Films, a Letterboxd list

Best Asian American Films: So Yun Um’s list

Debbie Chang’s comprehensive Asian American film canon list (also features Asian-Canadian, Asian-British and other diaspora)

Bellamy’s list of feature-length films directed by Asian Americans

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[starwarsnonsense]

Top 10 Most Anticipated Films of 2020

Now I’ve got my embarrassingly late ‘Best of 2019′ list out of the way, I can finally proceed to the list that’s probably more exciting - my most anticipated films of 2020!

This list excludes films that have already been screened at festivals (otherwise, stuff like Saint Maud would be here). It’s also somewhat analogous to groping about for a light switch in the dark - these lists very rarely accurately predict my ultimate favourites for the year, so it’s more of a fun speculative exercise. Hopefully this puts some intriguing-looking films on your radar for the year ahead! 

1. Dune (dir. Denis Villeneuve)

Plot: The story of Paul Atreides (Timothée Chalamet), a brilliant and gifted young man born into a great destiny beyond his understanding, who must travel to the most dangerous planet in the universe to ensure the future of his family and his people.

Why be excited? The reasons to be excited about Dune should be pretty self-evident - it’s directed by one of the greatest filmmakers working today (Villeneuve’s Incendies and Blade Runner 2049 are all-timers for me), and is based on one of the best science-fiction novels ever written. The cast -  Timothée Chalamet, Rebecca Ferguson, Oscar Isaac, Javier Bardem, Charlotte Rampling, and more - is absolutely stacked with talent. There’s every reason to believe that this will be something special, and I couldn’t be more pleased that Villeneuve is the man responsible for filling that Star Wars-shaped hole in the December release schedule.

2. Annette (dir. Leos Carax)

Plot: A stand-up comedian (Adam Driver), and his opera singer wife (Marion Cotillard), have a two-year-old daughter with a surprising gift.

Why be excited? You may not have heard of him, but Leos Carax is one of the most exciting directors working - he only makes around one film a decade, but the films he does make tend to be very special. I’ve only seen one film of his - Lovers on the Bridge - but that was filled with such ecstatic romance and wondrous visuals that it made me tremendously excited for Annette. Annette is a top-to-bottom musical with songs by American duo Sparks (if you know them for anything, it will be ‘This Town Ain’t Big Enough for the Both of Us’), and said songs will be delivered by Adam Driver and Marion Cotillard. It goes without saying that both actors are extremely talented performers with great voices (see Driver in Marriage Story and Cotillard in Nine for evidence), and I’m looking forward to seeing how they demonstrate their talents here.

3. Last Night in Solo (dir. Edgar Wright)

Plot: A young girl (Thomasin McKenzie), passionate in fashion design, is mysteriously able to enter the 1960s where she encounters her idol, a dazzling wannabe singer (Anya Taylor-Joy). But 1960s London is not what it seems, and time seems to fall apart with shady consequences.

Why be excited? I’m not the biggest Edgar Wright fan, but I admire him greatly and the premise of Last Night in Soho is like cat-nip to me. Speaking to Empire, Wright explained the story as follows: “I’m taking a premise whereby you have a character who, in a sort of abstract way, gets to travel in time. And the reality of the decade is maybe not what she imagines. It has an element of ‘be careful what you wish for’.” I’m a sucker for a good, old-fashioned high concept, especially when said films play with genre and really challenge the viewer. The two female leads - Thomasin McKenzie (JoJo Rabbit, Leave No Trace) and Anya Taylor-Joy (The Witch, Emma) - are among the very best young actors working today, and the supporting cast features absolute legends such as Diana Rigg and Terence Stamp. Whether it’s successful or not, this film feels like a genuinely original prospect and I’m eager to see how it turns out.

4. The Green Knight (dir. David Lowery)

Plot: A fantasy re-telling of the medieval tale of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.

Why be excited? There has been a sad lack of films based on mythology in recent years - or, to be more accurate, there has been a sad lack of films that attempt to honour what the myths were actually trying to convey. The stunning trailer for Green Knight promises a film that genuinely engages with its source material, and is just as interested in the psychological truths of the tale as the spectacle of its fantastical scenarios. Dev Patel is an extremely talented actor coming off another great movie in The Personal History of David Copperfield, and the supporting cast (Alicia Vikander!) appear to be fully committed to their parts. I’m excited to see a true myth on the big screen again, and David Lowery (A Ghost Story, The Old Man & The Gun) can be trusted to give an old tale a new sense of vitality. 

5. The French Dispatch (dir. Wes Anderson)

Plot: The staff of a European publication decides to publish a memorial edition highlighting the three best stories from the last decade: an artist sentenced to life imprisonment, student riots, and a kidnapping resolved by a chef.

Why be excited? It’s a Wes Anderson movie! Of course I’m excited! In all seriousness, the trailer was all I needed to get hyped about this. It’s clearly Anderson’s quintessential style, but it also shows flashes of some very bold and striking compositions (yes, I’m thinking of Chalamet on the back of that motorcycle) that you wouldn’t necessarily think of in relation to him. I’m intrigued by the prospect of there being stories nested within a story, which feels like the perfect choice for the structure of a film about a newspaper. The cast features all of Anderson’s old favourites (Swinton! Murray! McDormand!), as well as some exciting new additions (Timothée Chalamet, Elisabeth Moss, Christoph Waltz, among others) that feel so well-suited to his style it’s surprising they haven’t worked together before. Bring on all those immaculately composed shots and exquisite colour palettes.

6. Tenet (dir. Christopher Nolan)

Plot: Unknown. The project is described as an action epic revolving around international espionage.

Why be excited? I hate to sound repetitive, but ... it’s a Christopher Nolan movie. That alone is enough to be hyped about this. Details of the plot are vague for now, but the teaser suggests the sort of intelligent, high-concept film-making we’ve come to expect from Nolan. John David Washington - who impressed in BlacKkKlansman - is a great choice for the lead, and I also love that Tenet will feature Robert Pattinson and Elizabeth Debicki (among my favourite actors) in prominent roles. There’s not much else to say given how little we know about this, but suffice to say I’ll be there on day one!

7. Wonder Woman 1984 (dir. Patty Jenkins)

Plot: Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) comes into conflict with the Soviet Union during the Cold War in the 1980s and finds a formidable foe by the name of the Cheetah (Kristen Wiig).

Why be excited? The original Wonder Woman was an absolute delight, and I couldn’t be more pleased that Patty Jenkins is back to continue Diana’s story. The decision to pick up with Diana in the 1980s is most intriguing (and paves the way for all kinds of exciting choices when it comes to the music and the fashions), especially since it looks like the film is actually going to explore the implications of being an immortal being in a mortal world. 

8. Raya and the Last Dragon (dir. Paul Briggs and Dean Wellins)

Plot: A lone warrior from the fantasy kingdom of Kumandra teams up with a crew of misfits in her quest to find the Last Dragon and bring light and unity back to their world.

Why be excited? The animation scene in 2020 looks kind of ... blah at the moment, with the notable exception of Raya and the Last Dragon. The setting was described by the film’s producer as  "a reimagined Earth inhabited by an ancient civilization that venerated the mythical dragons for their power and their wisdom”, and that alone is enough to fire up my imagination. Off the back of Moana and the Frozen films (which I all unabashedly love), I trust Disney Animation to instil this with plenty of colour and verve.

9. I’m Thinking of Ending Things (dir. Charlie Kaufman)

Plot: An unexpected detour turns a couple’s road trip into a terrifying journey through their fragile psyches.

Why be excited? Directed by Charlie Kaufman (writer of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), I’m Thinking of Ending Things is based on a prize-winning novel. However, despite the pedigree the main reason I’m looking forward to this is Jessie Buckley. Buckley gave a star-making performance in Beast a few years ago, and has since proven herself an actor of immense talent and skill (see Wild Rose for proof of what a powerhouse she is). I’m excited to see her career continue to go from strength to strength, and I’m Thinking of Ending Things seems poised to be a great showcase for her.

10. The Last Duel (dir. Ridley Scott)

Plot: King Charles VI declares that Knight Jean de Carrouges (Matt Damon) settle his dispute with his squire (Adam Driver) by challenging him to a duel.

Why be excited? Ridley Scott is a bit of a mixed bag for me, and has never come close to reaching the heights of Alien and Blade Runner with his recent work. Nonetheless, against my better judgement I can’t help but be excited by the prospect of a medieval epic with Scott at the helm. The acting talent attached to The Last Duel is top-notch, and I’m particularly fond of Jodie Comer (of Killing Eve fame) and Adam Driver (do you really need me to say more?). There’s a very real danger of the highly sensitive plot (the ‘dispute’ at the heart of the story concerns an accusation of rape, the truth of which is to be determined with a duel) being mishandled by Scott, but the involvement of screenwriter Nicole Holofcener gives me some hope. This could turn out to be a misfire, but my hope is that it will, at the very least, be interesting.