#my lady Jane liveblog

[ohmyoverland]

I love how Jane basically tried one (1) Ethian cure on Guildford and then shit hits the fan so immediately she never has time to bother with it again

[valentinaonthemoon]

Ok I'm on episode 4 of My Lady Jane so far and I will not believe that Edward is dead until they find his body.

My theory so far is that the intense emotion he was feeling made him change into some kind of bird and that's also what happened to Guildford the first time he changed.

And so Jane's studies will help them both controlling their change eventually.

Or maybe not, idk

[saffrondawn]

A+ narration.

[violivs]

NMTDaily: Makeup Tutorial feat. A Special Guest!

- Real interesting time to be watching this episode right now. Someone gave me the feedback that it’s kind of cool that I’m so behind on my liveblog because it means you all get to read them and look back on older episodes through the lens of the ones NMTDaily is currently on. I’m really understanding that with this episode.

- Hero is a little angel. Using “sneaky filming techniques”… like hiding a totally different video in the bloopers for this video, mayhaps?

- Claudio is here! He’s the special guest.

- “Dear Claudio” and “my boyfriend does my makeup” - the Hero/Claudio relationship has gone to the next level of official.

- Tea is a love language in this series. Claudio coming in with tea for Hero because he’s trying to impress her is a direct parallel to a later scene where Ben has already made Beatrice tea and they’re sitting in his room with their cups as he tries to comfort her.

- Hero and Claudio’s mugs are plain block colors, showing that they don’t really know each other at all, in comparison to the fact that the mug Ben will choose for Bea is Game of Thrones themed and is her favorite GoT family crest. Because he does know her. (I don’t know GoT well enough to be sure which one, or if they’re even called family crests. Sigils? Anyway.)

- (Also, I can’t remember, is “everyone deserves tea” a Hero line, or is it a Jane Bennett from the LBD line? It could go either way. Kind of the same character archetype, different font with those two.)

- Hero and Claudio are very blushy and nervous around each other. There is no easy rapport- this is still big emotional surface-level crush territory.

- “Just gonna admire the artwork in progress” The first of many subtle lines that show how Claudio sees Hero as a prize, a pretty thing to look at and possess.

- We’re also doing some light reinforcement of heterosexual gender roles: the man is utterly clueless about makeup while the woman knows exactly how to apply fifty different products. Claudio is okay with looking like an idiot in this video because he’s a guy, he isn’t supposed to know anything about makeup. If anyone else made Claudio look foolish regarding any other topic, we would see the sullen, angry side of him come out.

- Fun fact: ya girl is exactly as clueless as Claudio, I wouldn’t have known that wasn’t foundation without the footnote Hero puts onscreen. Or without reading the packaging. Gender roles are fake! I know I could do nicer makeup than Claudio, though, lol.

- Yeah, letting someone who has never done mascara before near your eye with a mascara wand is some scary shit. This shows just how much Hero trusts Claudio.

- “ya wanna know how I got these scars?” I mean, Claudio actively invoking The Joker is extremely on the nose, but it does count as foreshadowing his villainy, so I will mention it. The smiles he causes Hero to smile now will turn painful soon enough.

- Also! Remember that at the costume party, Benedick is Batman. Ben is Batman, and Claudio is Joker.

- Hero kisses Claudio on the cheek, leaving a lipstick stain, and he deadass says “jokes on you, now I look like a ladies’ man”. Because it’s perfectly okay for him to BE a ladies’ man, to show interest in other girls. Men get to do that. It is not okay for Hero to even be implied by a third party to be showing interest in other guys, because women must be perfectly faithful or branded sluts.

- The eyeliner! He writes his name on her cheek. The most direct, on-the-nose statement of Claudio’s view of Hero. “Now people know who you belong to.” Who you belong to. Spine-chilling.

- Hero is right to punch him for that. Interesting that he apologizes for saying it.

- Just the genuine fear on her face about seeing her makeup look, though. And the “Claudio, what have you done to me?” Said in laughter, in a moment of happiness, but also a totally valid line for her to say again later in a much more devastated way. (She doesn’t say it again later, but she could.)

- It IS very sweet that he won’t let her say she looks like a monster, that he keeps telling her how pretty she is and kisses her forehead.

- “The fact that you’d still kiss me now says a lot for our relationship” No, Hero, your boyfriend still liking you when you’re looking goofy is the bare minimum! He should!

- “Your turn” and all she does is put guyliner on him. The minimum level of makeup to not be embarrassing, to still allow him to think he looks sexy. Claudio’s masculinity must be maintained. He does have lipstick on in the following close-up shots, but that could be from kissing her, so plausible deniability.

- “Maybe you could do my makeup for my 16th?” *dun dun DUNNN*

- Hero is back, looking lovely again. She’s going to post outtakes.

- Beatrice is predictably disgusted both by this video and the prospect of outtakes, giving Hero a reason to post the outtakes on Ursula’s channel. Handy.

- “I’m sure one day even you yourself will watch that video” Says Hero, thinking to herself that one day Bea will see how her friends played matchmaker for her and Benedick, and she’ll be happy about it. Very optimistic, Hero. (She also does just mean ‘someday you’ll be in love like this and you won’t think it’s gross.’)

- Beatrice and Hero edited this video together, because Hero knew Bea would hate it, and she needed Bea to swear never to watch the makeup bloopers video. The plan moves along swimmingly…

- In the comment section, Benedick himself is plugging his own response video, “Disgusted” by dropping a link with “that was so disgusting! watch my video if you agree!” I love the character comments.

- If I didn’t know this was a Much Ado retelling, I’d think Ben needs to learn boundaries. The girls already told you to leave them alone, their comment section is not the place to plug your channel, mister. As it is, though, it just screams “hey Beatrice, I thought the makeup video was disgusting too, just like you did! Notice me! Pay attention to me!” This nerd. So obvious. And he genuinely doesn’t even know he’s doing this. Wild. It’s also great that Hero and Bea’s response is to completely ignore him, lol.

- We’ll also see in upcoming videos that Ben’s comment is a reflection of his insecurity about losing Claudio as a friend now that he has a girlfriend.

- Plus, the comment linking his video lets Hero know that Ben has also taken the bait and will not be watching the bloopers video either.

- In the rest of the comment section: many people gushing about how adorable Hero and Claudio are, some people doing so with a tinge of sadness because they know what’s coming, praise for how natural the acting feels in this and all the episodes, and folks picking up on the hints of Claudio’s possessiveness.

- Mooble1325 hits the nail on the head with “they strike the right balance between making him sweet enough that hero would believably like him and already showing that touch of possessiveness that John plays on so well”

- There’s even a comment saying Hero/Claudio are cuter than Jane/Bing! It was always very interesting to compare and contrast different LIWs to each other, I love that.

- Someone also compared Claudio to the youtuber Jim Chapman, and I had to think very hard before remembering who that is. I think there’s a slight blond-white-dude resemblance, it just trips me out to remember how many youtubers I’ve forgotten existed over the years.

- Hero in the video description urging us again to watch the makeup bloopers, you won’t regret it! This will be plot-important! The game is afoot!

💖🥭🦩

[nortism]

doctor who liveblog pt 22

s4 ep10 midnight

- i’m glad donna’s getting a nice holiday

- COLIN MORGAN OF BBC MERLIN FAME??! katie mcgrath next pls

- “ladies and gentlemen and variations thereupon”

- ROSE ON THE TVVVVVVV

- oh god was she possessed

- FUCK SHES REPEATING LIKE THE THING OUTSIDE

- SHE GOT HIS VOICE

- that was such a good episode, genuinely unsettling

s4 ep11 turn left

- omg are we in a country that’s not the uk?? i didn’t know the tardis knew how to do that 😭😭

- oh never mind they’re on a different planet, should have known

- and billie piper!!

- oh the doctor’s dead

- get the screwdriver donna!!

- ROSE TYLER!!!!!!!!!!

- oh she’s vanished

- donna’s so funny

- NO MARTHA’S DEAD this sucks

- SARAH JANE SMITH’S DEAD?!?! this au is awful

- ROSE

- i love donna’s grandad so much it’s not even funny

- london’s gone??? thank god the world is free!

- not leeds

- uh oh america

- ROSE

- oh fuck jack as well

- oh great, now the uk is turning into nazi germany

- that’s a big old bug

- rip alternate universe donna

- BAD WOLF?!?!?!!????

- shitttttt

s4 ep12 the stolen earth

- oh fucj the earth’s gone

- MARTHA

- ohh fuck the companions r all gonna come together

- ROSE WITH A GIANT GUN WOOOO

- oh yeah the whole gang in the opening credits

- oh great we’re gonna find out what a shadow proclamation is

- ofc the british are celebrating the end of the world by drinking and rioting

- ofc it’s the fucking daleks

- i feel like there was easy ways to exterminate the human race i won’t lie

- the crucible?? always with the religious imagery

- idk if i trust the space cops

- not the rhinos again

- ohhhh they’re building a mega planet

- for what it’s worth, i trust martha to save the world. she’s done it before

- NO MARTHA

- the loss that is yet to come???

- also which god??

- BEES ARE ALIENS?!?!

- i knew i couldn’t trust the space cops

- ROSE

- when he was a 90 year old teenage girl

- HARRIET JONES MY LOVE

- yay martha’s alive

- aww rose is jealous

- is everyone here a jones?

- HARRIET NOOOOOO

- he’s still thinking about rose 😭😭

- jfc what is that

- ewww

- FUCKING DALEKS RUINING MY REUNION

- oh my polycule did reunite, just under the worst circumstances possible

- FUCK HES REGENERATING ALREADY

- noooo sarah jane

- whatttt

s4 ep13 journey’s end

- did he just regenerate back into david tennant???

- MICKEYYYYYYYYY

- JACKIEEEEEEEE

- oh the whole gang is back together i missed them 😭😭😭

- oh donna i love u

- they gotta stop leaving the tardis lying around!!!

- that’s nice of the daleks to translate for different countries

- that’s a lotta daleks

- donna?!!

- DONNA?!?!!??

- hello is donna regenerating?!?!

- ITS ANOTHER DOCTOR?!?!?

- dw rose this is just an avg day for jack

- nah is the new doctor technically donna and the doctor’s child???

- pls leave my girl and her mummy issues alone

- oh they’re soulmates

- when did martha learn german??

- oh yeah on her world tour

- it would be cool if they subtitled the german bc i’m getting none of this

- not loving the sound of a reality bomb

- omg they’re disintegrating

- oh so we’re destroying all matter now???

- won’t this also destroy the daleks??

- apparently not

- SHES GONNA BLOW UP THE EARTH

- oh fuck the whole gang’s been teleported

- it’s up to u now donna

- uh oh rip the other doctor

- uh oh rip donna

- this is a bit awkward

- YES FHEN DONNA

- the doctordonna

- SHES PART TIMELORD?!

- they oppenheimer-ed him

- K9!!!

- finally an explanation for why he sucks a flying the tardis so much, he needs more guys

- he’s got the biggest family on earth 😭😭

- she’s getting her own doctor?!

- aww she got her kiss?? i think aww?! this is a weird situation all round

- oh no donna’s malfunctioning

- wait what

- is she fucking dead

- HER MIND’S BEEN WIPED!!?!?!

- awww she’s forgotten him

- this is so sad

- aww granddad

- jesus that was bleak

[pitbullwithaship]

DOCTOR WHO LIVEBLOG 2009 SPECIAL THE END OF TIME (PART 2)

Okay I'm emotionally prepared for this definitely.

Why does it always have to happen on Christmas?

Destruction of Gallifrey? Hello Time Lords?

Ooh a sensible lady time lord

Okay so she's dead then that's a shame

Earth. We are very important

I'd like to not be important actually

Bondage

Aww he'd be proud if he was his dad I love Wilf

Oh no Donna

Oh poor Donna

Oh no Donna!!!

Oh good she's asleep

That's gay

Poor Master

I'm sorry this is incredibly homoerotic

Baby Master

4 beats. 4 beats like we have 2 beats oh that's so cool it's the heartbeat I just realized how cool that is

4 beats 4 knocks wow wow wow this is cool

That's cacti, that's racist

I mean it might be the worst rescue ever, but it's not quite the worst rescue possible

I love Wilf

Good point indeed I like these alien people

Anything nothing

Flimflam oh Wilf

Yeah blimey

THEY DID IT! THEY DID IT ON PURPOSE!!

Diamond gem thingy!

White point star I've heard of that

Creak creak

It's the lady! Why is she there! How is she there!

Thank you for ominously predicting this lady

Aww is this the cute scene I've seen?

He's so sadwetpathetic

AWW GIANTS HES SO SAD AND TRAGIC AND BROKEN

HED BE PROUD IF HE WAS HIS DAD AAAAHHHH I LOVE HIM I LOVE THEM

He's so sadpatheticguiltytragicsad

Nobody should live so long it's true

Oh Wilf oh Wilf I'm gonna cry

The Time Lords are Returning!!!

No it doesn't seem to be good after all

That's giving coruscant council vibes

Nostalgia tinted stories

OHyes

ALLONS-Y omg my dude

This is mildly star wars

THEY GET TURNED INTO WEEPING ANGELS WHAT SERIOUSLY ARE ALL THE WEEPING ANGELS TIME LORDS IS THAT HOW THEY SEND PEOPLE BACK

He jumped okay it's good he landed face first or he probably would have died immediately

He can undo it with his gauntlet thingy!?

Okay that's gonna screw up gravity and everything

Go Wilf!!

Oh wow this is chaos

Oh no Wilf

The gates of hell are open

HE HAS THE GUN

Okay who's he gonna shoot please stop switching its freaking me out

ITS THE LADY SHES A TIMELORD WHO VOTED AGAINST I THINK IVE HEARD THATS HIS MOTHER MAYBE?

HE SHOT THE DIAMOND

MASTER HELLO!

Bye bye Gallifrey

Yes my dude you are still alive

Maybe you should use your aliveness to process your trauma, if your aliveness lasts

HE KNOCKED FOUR TIMES WAS THAT WILF IN THE BOX

IT IS WILF IN THE BOX

Okay so either he dies or wilf dies cuz someone has to be in there right? Is that's what's happening

Dude dude don't lash out process your trauma

Yeah he's amazing my guy

Stop calling people unimportant your brain is broken and that's why you have an ego

Okay trauma meltdown time

He's already made his choice, that's why he's freaking out

Oh Doctor I knew it

Oh Wilf

Okay he absorbed it that's fun

He's regenerating then

Aww hug

Oh hello Donna

Awww

She's smiling lol

He'll see him again

HELLO MARTHA WHATS UP WITH YOU

HELLO MICKEY HOW ARE YOU ALSO

THEYRE MARRIED YAY

HELLO DOCTOR YAY FOR SAVING THEM

HEY ITS SARAH JANES SON AWW HE'S SAYING GOODBYE

Why though they all know he can regenerate he can pop in and say hi after though I suppose he won't be exactly the same person but he can still have the biggest family in the world

HI JACK OF COURSE YOURE AT A BAR

IS IT ALONSO FROM THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL IT IS

Lol helps him get a guy as his last goodbye

OMG ITS JOANS GRANDAUGHTER OMG OMG CAMEOS AFTER CAMEOS FINAL GOODBYES

This is so cute

DONNAS WEDDING YAY HE WENT TO SEE IT

This is so cute he went to say goodbye at her wedding and to Wilf even though she doesn't remember him

Awww he got Donna a present from her dad!!

This is so bittersweet amazing and cute and sad and amazing aaaaaagghh

HES SAYING GOODBYE TO ROSE TOO ITS THIS CLIP OMG

welcome to 2005 Rose

YES SHES GONNA HAVE AN AMAZING YEAR A FANTASTIC YEAR A BRILLIANT YEAR

I love that he said goodbye to her too even if she doesn't know that

Oh poor Doctor

Hi Ood!! Aw they're gonna sing

That's gorgeous singing

Hey the adventure starts and ends with singing

Oh poor doctor

I DONT WANT TO GO AAAAAHHHHHHHH

Wow EXPLOSION

Hello Matt Smith!!!

That's a big crash

That was a damn amazing ending he said goodbye and everything aaahhh emotions okay

[castle-dominion]

castle 6x16 room 147

the cult hypnosis episode liveblog

(side note I can't believe they didn't have dever & huertas-- heck I would have loved the OTHER dever to do an audio commentary. The castle's dad one had the audio instead which, like, valid ig.) Anyway I'm on a new dvd now, which is why I am complaining about the lack of (my preferred) bonus features.

Not QUITE the same mess lol

KABOOM I loove alexis sm <3 <3

Oof I'm quitting my job to go to school I can't imagine having a job & a non-job & a tutoring gig & paying a lease & holy crap I am so privileged

Yay calling him Sito.

were not was

Jane: He didn’t have to. Good looking guy, no bags, checking in for one night?

that's a flip phone... Plenty of people have their own website. too bad the guy doesn't have imbd tho

random lady yelling.

Love esposito's outfit! so chill!

You never get a confession this early in an ep. u KNOW smth's going to go down. Is there going to be another one really fast like this where they solve it hella fast & after the third murder with an instant confession they get suspicious?

Ah she has an alibi! Is she confessing to cover for someone else?

Love the doodle. Maybe it was a code to whoever is going to read her confession I love the flashbacks. While I'm here, the door opened on the left, attached on the right. I don't think it was like that in the crime scene. wdym you don't think so?

someone is making her confess to their crime that's why this stuff is happening.

Yeah that's how addiction is alright.

I loooove how she doesn't remember! Anita Miller: No, from me!

RC: What about forensics? Did CSU come up with anything? JE: Yeah, a hotel room in New York City? (he shudders) They found all kinds of fun stuff. (not clipping)

Clipping the theory part. unless there was a tall/cext to the phone you don't have!

Doc holloway's back!!!!

Ryan & me: Two weeks? Wait a minute, that’s how long Anita says she’s been feeling blurry.

RC: As much as I love a good mystery, a small part is hoping he can give us some clarity on what the hell is going on.

idk why I find the "ask for help" poster with the guy crying in their hands so humerous. Maybe bc it reminds me of the cotton eyed joe meme I made. Me: *just commit autosurgery trying to cut off my own breast* My surgical tape: *won't stick* Me: *crying* my adhd: IF IT WEREN'T FOR COTTON EYED JOE I'D BE MARRIED A LONG TIME AGO

Love background artists.

I need details.

I love love love the way it goes with the filming. POV filming. (markiplier moments, girl hand, man hand, we also need a black guy. Like that aone scene where you have three hands at some point bc you're picking up the artifact, swapping the teddy bear, holding his nose so he doesn't sneeze, & every single movement is a different person's hand. for Diversity. We need a left-handed person now tho.

Because he did what to you? aiy dee kay. Love the music sm KB, explaining like bonvolio: Yeah, you and Anita Miller are working together on this. You’re either covering for each other or you’re covering for someone else out there.

love how there are two interrogation rooms. She's very adamant that she did this. Why not take the out? "So I didn't kill him? I'm hella confused after all..."

Get doc holloway back here. RC: What if their lives intersect, just not in such a literal sense? Me, just participating in the fictional canadian character poll: ramona flowers? powers? renata? Hold on... scott pilgrim dreams is what I'm saying.

RC: (dryly) Really? Alternate universe? That’s how little you think of me? RC in a future episode: *goes to an au where lanie is preggo & rysposito is canon. unless that was just a fanfic i read...)

I love her ring KB: (off is look) I’m sorry, it’s just, you got excited. It’s kind of cute. RC: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how I like the weird stuff. Me: SEASON ONE

WHAT'S nothing? on your phone there?

I LOVE this kid, this absolute child. radar oreilly vibes off him, esp with castle's psychic link theoryu.

OUTSTANDING! LOVE THE WORDS! consistency bc of slaughter! "I need to confess!" 'take a number'

"She remembers bc she thought it looked suspicious" that's the only reason someone WOULD remember! & the only reason they'd take a pic.

a big bald man!

It's just a doodle. It is a celtic knot holy trinity sign, no? the van you've been disoriented. How long have you had that symbol in your head? KB: this is important! Dwight: *I killed a guy but fuck ok bestie*

Assertiveness training I love this tranny sm. He needs to get on testosterone.

Sometimes THEY scrub footage, sometimes it's the detectives...

her phone again. what is even going on with that?

I love it. love the way she picks up her jacket, the boys, she's coming back to work this late at night in an hour... I love these folks this family their dynamics their movements & body language I thouht it was jim not alexis. Peter's cafe/bistro

Her face. she is rolling her eyes & I love alexis & I love her bangs & I love alexis & the alexis-kate relationship kjsdflkjkldjfsd It IS pride! Ooh music!!

Love those two cops smiling in the elevator. IT implies that there was a conversation in there that we missed.

Me: native Esposito: also technically native EHI: *kills ppl in their "sweat lodge initiation"*

lmao SO culty he talks so slow. Need to speed this up. good gravy. Ooh I only just noticed her eyeliner. love it.

this place reminds me of japan. Why is he expecting? Oh maybe bc he killed the guy! ooOOooh! SHUT THE DOOR SHUT THE DOOR BY WHICH I MEAN NO DON'T SHUT THE DOOR YOU'RE GOING TO BE TRAPPED THIS IS MY PARANOIA KICKING IN.

Love the art of himself on the walls. Where is that? Sweden? years????

Bauer: I’m struck by the level of your hostility, Detective. It’s not healthy. RC: You know what I’m struck by is your total lack of curiosity as to why a homicide detective is asking about your employee. "little group" THOUSANDS of members across the globe! RC: Wow. That’s – amazing, how you would just know what off the top of your head. Bauer: I make a point of meeting every member of my EHI family. The people you mentioned are not among them. Me: thousands of members & you have met every one sure but u remember every one?

Bauer: *looks to the side offscreen* RC: *looks to the side too* *realizes* *rolls his eyes up* Me: I do the same thing when my brothers are standing behind me irl & annoying me so I whip around to face them...in minecraft

btw what is that glass thing on there?

grande poobah??? his what???

RC: So all three of our confessors have had problems in their lives. Alcoholism, anger management, assertiveness issues, all things that they could have gone to EHI to treat.

that's true! RC: Wipe memories. Think about it. The fogginess, the confusion over the last two weeks? KR: So you’re saying that a glorified self-help group can erase memories? How? Doc H: With drugs.

Me: *seen the s7 premier* Memories actually change all the time. Outstanding! Love the words! KR: Castle, do you have any idea how insane that sounds? I would clip that but meh RC: Just not in person. Me: Not your psychic theory again!

"Ok he did NOT flirt with me" (why does the woman's vers need to be flirty tho? /gen q for EHS or w/e their name was)

Just letting them continue to argue lol

KB: Yes, a genius at annoying me. (not clipping) RC: Yes, a genius at annoying me. KB: (aside) I’m starting to feel the urge.

the door opens the wrong way THE DOOR OPENS THE WRONG WAY THEY MENTIONED IT RIGHT AFTER MEEEE (tho I have seen it too) wait all these rooms have the same painting? srs?

the way ryan says "su'm" instead of something, I looove it. kinda hate it tho.

CSU: Detective, I traced the signal from Bauer’s video conference with Beckett. JE: So where in Stockholm is he? CSU: That’s the thing. The signal was routed through Stockholm, but it looks like it originated from a local IP address. JE: Local, as in Manhattan? CSU: As in inside this building.

Love esposito's giant coats & layers & stuff.

that hand is slim, but pretty masculine. He smiles but idk if it is flirtatious. None of the suspects said that the bathroom door was open. Why do they know his name tho? Two versions, one for women & another for men? You don't have one for left-handed ppl or someone who maybe can't use or doesn't have their right hand, for Black ppl, for any poc, for ppl who are women but don't want to smile flirtatiously with justin, for fat ppl...

Someone from the crew, yeah you do need a bunch more ppl than just justin, the suspects, & the head of ehi.

At least she pronounced her T. Oof the music. it's so good.

Aw dwight never got to confess slkdjfslkdfjl these three have become friends & I love it sm. Friendship forged in a situation like this.

KB: It’s okay, Castle. You know I like the weird ones. Me: YES YES SJDLFSJKDFLSJDKLFJDS THIS IS THE SERIES

KB: (slyly) How do you know what I do to you when you’re sleeping?

Alexis!!!

[marzipanandminutiae]

Got any final lingering hot takes about Jane Austen’s Fleabag now that it’s been a few hours? Do you mind giving it a rating out of 5 or 10?

4/10

I think it was trying very hard to be Emma 2020 and Pride and Prejudice 2005, at the same time. With, as established, a hint of Fleabag.

(The Fleabag asides and such actually kind of made sense to me- I feel like they were trying to give this character who's SO meek and shy and quiet in the book some hint of an Inner Voice, or rather, let us see what was going on in her head the whole time. Unfortunately the inner voice they chose was Snarky Regency Wine Aunt.)

I don't think I emphasized enough in my liveblogging just how dull it was. But I've also never mentioned that I found the book rather a slog, too, towards the end. So I'm actually not sure my boredom is entirely the movie's fault.

The costumes were...I mean, they were bad, but in a very strange way. Every so often there would be some hint that whoever designed them had done decent research- Anne's stays, some of the hats looking quite Regency indeed, Henrietta's WHITE EVENING GOWN WHICH I LOVED, etc. -and just decided to throw out huge important chunks of that research for weirdly modern and/or bland designs. And I get it; that's a choice every period drama costumer has to make. It's the visual aesthetic of the movie. But the occasional VERY accurate pieces made the rest of the Half-Assed Faux Regency look seem even more half-assed.

Why does everybody hate bonnets? Did a bonnet go on a killing spree and murder a bunch of Hollywood costume designers' families at some point in the last 20 years? The men got hats! Why were the ladies largely hat-deprived? To show off their hair, which ranged from awful to mediocre? Free us from the tyranny of patriarchal hat denial!

I liked the racially diverse casting, as I said. Unfortunately that just made it a "diversity win! this desperately terrible Jane Austen adaptation has actors of color!" situation. I guess white people have had shitty period dramas mostly to ourselves for decades, casting-wise, so now, in the spirit of inclusion, it's time for PoC to join in. Welcome to the party! I'm so sorry.

Overall, two hours of my life that I'll never get back. And I didn't even get any sewing finished during. Hmph.

[brogues-b4-hoes]

Kingsman the secret service, first draft liveblog.

I’m reading the original draft for Kingsman: The secret service and being just blown away by how different but the same™ it is so I’m gonna list some things that made me go :0 

Huntsman and sons doesn’t really sound like a spy org. it sounds like a rustic b&b in the scottish countryside. Not a bad thing but Kingsman does sound a bit more “knightly” and “cool” 

Also Jack Lincoln is just not it. Harry Hart is where it’s at. 

SO about the ages: In this script Eggsy is 21, Harry is 49, Merlin is middleaged (I’m assuming that means like 44-45 ish), Roxy is 22, Charlie 23, Lancelot 39. 

Merlin was supposed to be “black, handsome” And frankly my first thought was “....Idris Elba?” lmao 

The medal Eggsy gets is called a Guinevere Cross and I immediately came up with a whole scenario of how the first Guinevere sacrificed themself in an act of bravery, which is why the Kingsman medal of honor is named after them. 

Lancelot was supposed to fight Gazelle before losing but ig getting cut in half from behind has more shock value. (Just give my boy a bit more screentime) 

I’m glad they changed Michelle’s whole approach to Daisy, cause in this script it comes across like she couldn’t care less about her literal toddler, which makes her kind of unlikeable :// I’m glad they didn’t do Michelle dirty like that in the final script. 

Arthur really was just a sexist, elitist bastard now wasn’t he (while looking at the candidates his reaction to Eggsy being proposed is “at least it’s not a woman, I mean wtf are all these women doing here??” .....There’s three women being proposed out of twelve candidates, Chester.)

On that note, I’m glad they ended up giving Merlin more of Arthur’s lines - mostly because it makes sense for Merlin’s character to play the part of handler besides being the tech wizard he is- but also Make! Arthur! Say! Less!

I think it’s an interesting choice to have the candidates be from all over the world, as I Imagine the agents who were abroad just chose the best person they could find from that area, and if that’s true then the other agents were away in: France, Germany, Denmark, Japan, Italy, Ethiopia, South Africa, India, Persia and America. Do what you want with that info.

Yeah Roxy was american originally lol

I’m glad they acknowledge the lack of privacy in the first dorm set up, because I always looked at that in the movie and thought “If I had to use a bathroom out in the open with eleven peers just hanging out behind me, I would simply not use the bathroom lol” 

Glad they cut the whole subplot of Harry infiltrating some bank, especially because it involved dressing up as a woman to get acces to the ladies room, which, given the current climate and the whole jkr situation would not have gone down well, to say the least. 

“That sounds exhausting” in which Harry is me. 

"Training starts tomorrow, which I will have nothing to do with. Watching people train is boring.” Spoken boldly for a guy who then subsequently shows up at every. single. training scene, Merlin. 

God I’m glad they cut the whole puppy obstacle course scene, it was just alot lol 

A lot of stuff is the same but what really stands out to me is how little Eggsy actually does on his own, in this version he only passes tests through dumb luck or because Harry straight up gives him the answers, which makes it difficult to root for him in this script. So I’m glad they changed that. 

Idk what to think about the implanted chip being a bluetooth earpiece originally, like who wears an earpiece all the time?..... Ig the writers thought the same thing in the end lol 

“Medic! We need a medic!” Me, internally: SO YOU ARE SAYING YOU HAVE MEDICS?? Merlin: “No we don’t.” me, internally: IM NOTING THIS AS PROOF THAT YOU HAVE MEDICS, GALEN IS CANON CONFIRMED

I like that Elton John is just fully in this movie, what exactly is it about Elton John that made Matthew and Jane continue to write him into both movies??? IS HE GOING TO BE IN THE BLUE BLOOD TOO? :0

I’d like to note that I do not like Elton John pelting shit at Valentine lol 

The way that they really wrote a whole Heathers the musical “shut up, Heather!” scene but with Arthur, Harry and Merlin saying “shut up, Eggsy!” I CAN’T WITH THIS SCRIPT

Broke: “Lady Gaga” woke: “Lady G’gar” (as pronounced by Arthur lmao) 

Okay so in a cut test, there’s a mentioning of Huntsmen security, which I will take as proof for my whole “The entire plot of TGC is bullshit because there had to be more staff at Kingsman than just Merlin, meaning more survivors of the bombing” 

AND THE PLOT THICKENS WITH THIS: Harry (to Eggsy): “Look, I’ll be back in a few days. Stay here ‘till then. I’ll call Merlin, and when everything’s calmed down I’ll take you in and finesse things. If we’re lucky we can get you a job in admin or train you as a pilot.” HELLOO WHERE WERE THE ADMINS AND PILOTS AND SECURITY IN TGC 

“Thank you. I’ll do anything. I’ll be a cleaner, even.” THEY HAVE CLEANERS TOO MATTHEW YOU’RE KIDDING ME

The ending is so different omg What is Happening? why is Usain Bolt, Lady Gaga, Jamie Oliver and Elton John fighting together avengers style? 

All in all: I much prefer the way they handled things in the final script because this felt a bit too much like the types of movies you write with your friends in middleschool for shits and giggles and less like an actual film you’d go see in theatres. But of course it’s important to remember that this mess led to one of my favorite films ever, and I really enjoyed the insight into the process and changes that led the writers to the final version. T’was very cool. 

Also I read the novelization of The Golden Circle and I can’t say which one I get the biggest yikes from (yes I can it’s the novel. It’s so bad lol) 

[taylorkellyreporting]

i hope no one minds if i inconsistently liveblog this bitch: ncis: hawai’i edition from 1x04

one thing about paramount+ the quality for eps are gonna suck in the beginning

oh my gosh???

i don’t think i’ve said it yet but seeing vanessa as a lead in her own show has been so satisfying

hmm i’m not buying this man’s story… like there’s deffo more going on than what he’s saying

aaand he’s lying

he’s not gonna be at the hospital is he?

but whyyyy would he be lying? someone tried to kill him multiple times so you’d think he’s be eager to get help from jane and co

“why’d you run?” “you reminded me of my ex wife.” JESSE’S FACE WAS PRICELESS 😭

WOAHHH METH?!

plsss ernie looked at kai like “if you don’t get your hand off of me…”

WAIT maybe the kid is selling drugs and the dad found out, tried to help and got shot bc of it?

i love when lucy gets to kick ass

he was gonna call lucy his friend 🥺

“���ew.” 😭

jesse: i’m cool! *proceeds to be uncool*

“he always takes too long on the wind up.” “don’t remember hearing a lot of complaints.” DKFJGJFJS

jane and the other guy getting off their horses in sync then boom there’s jesse still sitting down 😭

ohhh shit the rest are on the mountain aren’t they?

awww jane’s little cowboy hat

not a total eclipse of the heart oh wow 😭

wait what if the inspector killed the boyfriend in order to frame the roommate?

“she was my friend.” ☹️

“it’s just dinner.” oh we all know it isn’t

oh lucy’s terrible 😭

AVOID THEM LIKE THE CLAP KFJGJGJFJD

“i don’t know who you are…” “that’s not-“ PLEASE

“i take no pleasure-“ “oh you take all the pleasure.” “well i take very little pleasure.” lmaooo

“hope the metaphor wasn’t triggering.” he’s so 😭

“a date! as friends! i really don’t care at this point.” pls

“sounds like water.” “on an island? go figure.” the look lucy gave kate 😭

i love EVERYTHING about the kacy scene like from the convo to the kiss it was all just so soft 🥺

wonder if the person kate was talking to was cara…

the writers are sick for having kate being ready to go public just to break them up in the very next episode

this kacy scene 🥺

“that doesn’t spell-“ “i like the name chad.” 😭

this poker guy is an asshole but he’s hilarious

oh gosh lucy is at kate’s apartment…😟

“yes!” my jaw DROPPED whyyyy would the writers put that in? did they think it was funny? it’s just ooc

the pizza guys face sends me every time 😭

so lucy deffo took so long in the bathroom because she was crying

jesse and lucy 🥺

lmaooo jane’s face!!! she knows kate loves lucy

NOBODY PUTS BABY IN THE CORNER 😭😭😭

whew that “you!” will haunt me for a while

kate’s little hopeful smile turning into devastation once lucy finishes her sentence is killing me ☹️

aww that jane and lucy scene 🥺

i really hope maggie isn’t evil cause i rlly like her

kate has lucy so fucked up she’s yelling at little old ladies like it’s her job 😭

“lucy, he was jogging.” pls

a body????

oh shit maggie

“maybe he left a thoughtful letter on your desk.” 😭

so disappointed in maggie ☹️

total fangirl moment for the shows first “previously…”

THE WIGS ARE SENDING ME

everyone’s eyes immediately snapping to lucy once kate walks in 😭 she deffo got the kids in the divorce

i love sola sm i need him to stay forever

MY GOD

maggie seems so unbothered

is he maggie’s son?

“i understand…more than you know.” BEWM

“you broke my heart, maggie.” “i know.” GOD

LMAO of course sola is on the ship

“you’re the type of woman she should grow up to be.” I HATE IT HERE

JANE CRYING IN ALEX’S ARMS I CANT DO THIS

@ maggie

i’m so excited for the rest of the season but ugh i can’t believe we have to wait til march 😩

[isabelleneville]

The Spanish Princess Part Two Episode Six Liveblog

1. I have stopped my watching of the new season of The Crown for this to bless you with my thoughts. Side note it was great to see Angus Imrie (Prince Arthur) in The Crown doing well! I feel like a proud mama.

2. Great to see Nadia Parkes in the title sequence so Part One wasn’t in our heads?

3. So KoA watches Henry’s visits to Henry Fitzroy like a social worker?

4. Cute montage though! Henry Fitzroy is precious.

5. Marrrrry! Bb Mary what is EF gonna do to you.

6. “Thank goodness your obedient no one else is” wrong era wrong wife.

7. Charles V is still a glow up.

8. Dress used by Mary and Elizabeth in Tudors at 5:00.

9. I still think the lady in the pink in that scene is Jane.

10. Lina is pregnant why do I feel bad things.

11. Mary and More, is Maggie and Thomas her adoptive parents.

12. Margaret Tudor and Archibald Douglas still have chemistry even when fighting.

13. We are at the field of the cloth of gold!

14. Mary and Charlie B my bbs!

15. The fines were ongoing just not one payment.

16. Why is KoA so cold to her daughter.

17. Charles V was not at the cloth of gold what foolery is this.

18. Charles giving his uncle a horse is so sweet.

19. Lina’s boys are so grown!

20. Let’s see what Francois is like, after seeing Emmanuel Leconte I have high hopes.

[ohmyoverland]

The men’s undershirts get honest-to-god hand sewn blackwork. The women’s shifts get plastic straps holding them up, taken off a Target strapless bra. Sad.

[josieandthepussycatsofficial]

i have done my classic thing: i have started pride and prejudice 2005, i am 7 minutes in, and i am disgusting with this bastardization of the text

my liveblogs below the cut

elizabeth is a man-hating love-hater? not according to any book jane austen wrote!

elizabeth is too silly and improper, mrs bennet, kitty, and lydia are not at all silly enough

this sucks

lizzy is upset that mr darcy didnt find her attractive? that is a devastating mischaracterization and sets the whole plot and their relationship off on terrible and incorrect footing.

also wtf are they sitting under some benches at a dance?

hate that darcy immediately looks at elizabeth (in a way we’re meant to assume means he finds her attractive) as if his attraction to her comes from her initially from her appearance. he really was not interested in her until he began observing her behavior and interacting with he

when mrs bennet says, “it’s a shame [charlotte lucas] isn’t more handsome,” a terribly improper and humiliating thing to say, mr bingley snorts a laugh. mr bingley is not supposed to be improper at all. he has good breeding, he’s rich, he’s just also very nice and friendly. he would never laugh at that

i do not know enough about the regency era to comment, but it seems to me that there are certain liberties with historical accuracy wrt clothing and such in this film that you don’t see in the bbc miniseries. for instance, elizabeth coming to netherfield with her hair down? i don’t believe women ever wore their hair down at this time (*edit* the bbc series and this movie take place in different periods. bbc series: 1813, movie: 1797)

why is mr bingley so awkward? i mean i know why, it’s to make him seem charming and unthreatening and cute and relatable or whatever, but it’s just inconsistent. his character is extremely warm, friendly, polite, not terribly intellectual, but not a bumbling mess who can’t execute a thought without backtracking because he’s so nervous around his lady love

the book has comedy to spare, you don’t have to cheaply manufacture it in this way just because the director’s scared that his audience won’t understand the original humor/scared that he won’t have the ability to make the original humor understood/doesn’t understand the original humor himself because he doesn’t understand the source material!!

i also hate the sharpness and vitriol that this darcy puts in his language. he’s supposed to be uber-polite but cold and haughty. propriety doesn’t permit active hostility (such as when he’s bemoaning the liberal use of the word “accomplished” when applied to women) in regular conversation. that’s intense and insane 

why does he speak so quickly? also they really should not have cut the whole netherfield drawing room scene, at least not the conversation between darcy and elizabeth about teasing and pride. they actually now that i think about it cut his whole thing on how a great man can never be too prideful. that’s really fuckin important character stuff! for both of them!

the comedy in this mr collins scene is not landing. they’re like laughing at him before he’s gotten too outrageous. and the actor is such a quiet, mild-mannered dude that he’s not really grating as he should be. this is supposed to be an extraordinarily annoying character, so annoying that the bennets can’t stand him for literally one meal.

ugh they have mrs bennet suggest to mr collins that he should pursue lizzy instead of jane. that’s not out of character for her at all but it misses the opportunity to show how scuzzy mr collins is, and also how fucking little he cares about who his wife is, assuming she meets the criteria of lady catherine de bourgh

ew mr wickham is so skeevy! lizzy’s into him because he’s hot and picked up her handkerchief? that’s it? is she an idiot? he’s not charming or good-natured or fun or funny at all. lydia: he’s a lieutenant! wickham: an enchanted lieutenant (referring to being enchanted to meet lizzy). like scream! what a gross pick up line!!!!)

and their flirtation is based on banter (no!) and him being self-deprecating (maybe, but not in such an obvious way “ignore me i’m next to nothing” what a fucking weird thing to say)

he literally charms her by pulling a quarter out of her sister’s ear. are you kidding? is she 8?

this dance scene btw elizabeth and darcy is all wrong. she immediately jumps on him with “it’s your turn to say something” after it’s been .1 seconds since he last spoke, and he spoke way more amiably (”indeed, most invigorating”) than would be his wont.

oh my god they’ve stopped dancing to angrily talk to each other in the middle of the dance floor? this is so incoherent with the characters (so improper!) and the time period. just cultivating more drama. this scene’s already juicy, they don’t have to be spitting angrily into each other’s mouths for it to come across

so silly and melodramatic that twice in this movie the entirety of a loud crowded drunken ballroom has screeched to a halting silence immediately for some minor drama. the first being the bingleys and mr darcy simply entering the room. the second being mr collins introducing himself to mr darcy (that one is especially ridiculous)

oh god why are they portraying mr collins as so sympathetic and sweet? he’s a fucking asshole! he’s not just annoying he’s a dick! that’s important, otherwise elizabeth is really unjustly mean to him, especially while she’s rejecting his proposal

oh i disagree with the way they play charlotte’s reasons for marrying mr collins. instead of her just not being romantic and marrying for practical reasons because that’s her nature, they make it a biiig thing like she has to marry because she’s old and ugly and otherwise she’ll go to the poorhouse

it’s not surprising that a lot of my critiques have to do with them pumping drama that doesn’t make sense into the story. making characters shout or spit words etc, because of course that’s what a hollywood film was going to do with a 19th century novel of manners

i guess i should say some good things about this movie. the cinematography is very lovely, obviously. i think it’s well cast, especially judi dench, with the exception of kiera knightley and the actor who plays mr collins. i think matthew mcfayden could’ve been a great darcy had he actually known anything about the character beyond the script

actually i take it back, judi dench isn’t quite amping up the ridiculous nature of this character like she should. they keep a lot of her silly lines but she doesn’t hit them to emphasize just how silly they are. she’s almost too stately to play this woman who, despite her great rank, enjoys spending her time being condescending to lower rank people

here comes my agreement with the grand critique of this movie: they make darcy out to be socially awkward rather than a haughty ass. he’s leaning in and whispering that he has trouble conversing with people, as if he means he has social anxiety and doesn’t mean, “small talk with simpletons bores me”

oh no they cut the delicious piano practice scene! they rewrote it and lizzy just says, “you should practice,” and we don’t get to have this famous, witty misunderstanding that elucidates darcy’s character so well!!!

oh no no no in this scene where colonel fitzwilliam tells lizzy that darcy split up bingleys attachment he tells her that the problem wasn’t the lack of fortune but the family! why?????? that’s half of the big reveal of darcy’s letter????? it’s when she realizes that oh his intentions weren’t so bad

i know i already said it but fuck darcy speaks fast. it sounds like shit. why doesn’t he just shut the fuck up and slow down? it’s weirdly inconsistent with his character. though i guess if they’re trying to rewrite him as socially awkward this could be part of that. but they shouldnt be! because it invalidates the whole premise of the story, their romance, and his character arc!

whoa whoa whoa and in the proposal scene when she says “why did you propose by telling me you’re doing this against your better judgement” he interrupted apologetically, trying to explain. what!!! no!!! he is an asshole! he’s insulted that this low rank woman would dare reject him. he didn’t suspect for one instant that she would. he’s fucking fuming from her first word

wow they’re chopping up this iconic proposal scene huh. i guess to make darcy still seem like a Nice Guy. he didn’t get to accuse her of only rejecting him because she was insulted by his proposal, she had to say that line. this movie is like, let’s make lizzy seem as insane as possible, and darcy as sweet as can be.

you’re not supposed to realize how wrong lizzy is, it’s supposed to creep up on you very slowly. youre supposed to feel like she’s been very reasonable up to this point, and you’re as shocked as she is when she reads the letter.

even his face! so shocked and sad like a kicked puppy standing there in the rain (we won’t even touch why the fuck they’re standing outside in the pouring rain). he’s angry right now! he’s so mad! he’s supposed to be fucking mad, because he’s a proud, arrogant, asshole!

oh my god and look he’s saying the lack of fortune of the bennets had nothing to do with it, and lizzy wow she’s sooo crazy for suggesting it, even though 20 seconds ago he just said it sucks that i’m in love with you ‘cause you’re so low class. god this scene sucks

there’s a reason this is all written in a letter in the book, it works much better that way. this is not a back and forth, lizzy doesn’t get to ask questions and poke holes. he offers his defenses and is still kind of a dick, and lizzy has to read it all without responding or rejecting it, really has to sit with it, the way you can’t do in a fight

oh and he just apologized for accurately noting that elizabeth’s family is often really disgustingly improper! how fucking out of character! both in general and in the scene because, and i can’t stress this enough, HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE ANGRY

oh ok i have to redact some of my former criticism. he finally gets mad at the very end here, and makes the comment about “did you expect me to rejoice in your low birth?” though he still didnt say the crucial “perhaps you would have accepted had not the manner of proposal offended you”

wait what the fuck??? did they just lean in for a kiss and lean away?? like a whole, i’m angry at you i’m hot for you let’s fuck thing? what the fuck? not only is that cheap romance melodrama but also lizzy HATES this man. not like oops i love-i mean hate you but really hates him

why do they choose to have elizabeth not tell jane about the proposal? i can’t imagine there being any reason? except of course that’s she’s secretly already in love with him and doesn’t want to admit it! gag

this scene between elizabeth and mr bennet about lydia going off with the forsters is well done imo

ugh god but they’ve given lizzy’s “what are young men to rocks and mountains?” line to mary, making it seem stupid and platitudinal, because that’s mary’s character

oh good, elizabeth is going on another “all men are trash” rant that is a thinly veiled reference to darcy. they’re just fucking taking a wrecking ball to this character’s credibility and intelligence huh?

this is really devastating actually because at this point the movie is telling us that lizzy is fighting through the anger and hate and realizing she loves darcy, after their sexy confrontation and his letter. in reality, she’s realized she was wrong and is doing some deep self-reflection.

she feels a little sheepish about how she boldly she accused darcy of things she was so wrong about but she still isn’t in love with him because he’s still a fucking proud ass! he just happened to be right about some shit that she was too prejudiced to realize

it doesn’t make sense if she falls in love with him before he grows and becomes a good person. it shows a weakness of character on her part and makes his eventual character growth just a cherry on top. oh that’s nice, they’re in love *and* he’s not gonna treat her like shit. totally invalidates the whole point of the story, overcoming personal defaults and finding healthy love that way

wow they make lizzy so stupid! she objects so stupidly to visiting pemberly! oh let’s not. he’s so…. he’s so… he’s so rich! wtf are you talking about? in the book she’s just kind of like eh idk…. do you really want to go? i guess if you think we should go… oh he won’t be there? oh cool let’s do it

ok so i’m 1:21:54 into the movie. i have 45 minutes left. i’m stopping. i’m angry and getting no joy from this so. this was a humiliating project for me, thinking i could enjoy this movie. never again

[cogentranting]

Locke and Key Liveblog: 1x04

When do we get to go inside Tyler’s head?

Once again, Tyler is the only one with any thought about consequences.

Oh yeah, hearing that there’s a secret boarded up room in your basement is always a real comforting thing. Especially when behind the wall it’s completely untouched, like it was boarded up very suddenly. 

Jackie’s an anglophile. She and Scot are abruptly gonna break both Kinsey and Tyler’s hearts and start dating. 

Tyler you’re taking the “open up” advice too literally

Good thinking Bode. Don’t let your brother implant Well Lady in his head.

Dude I want to be able to just magically throw books in my head and get knowledge.

That’s so weird I just finished watching the Sanditon mini series yesterday. And I’d never heard of it before the show, so it’s weird that then I’d immediately turn around and this show would talk about. But ALSO “other author’s tried to mimic Jane Austen and finish it, but there’s no mimicking Jane Austen” so WHY would it be your favorite Austen book?

This sounds bad but I really hope that Tyler throwing random books into his subconscious just goes horribly wrong. 

ok so I made a joke on the liveblog for the last episode about first date into your mind but Kinsey’s apparently taking my advice and she really shouldn’t do that

But if she has always remembered it as just her and her dad, shouldn’t that be the way it shows up in her memories come to life? Just like Tyler’s fight was more exaggerated when they visited it in there

When an evil Well Lady invades your house, a sister who literally took her fear out of her head is gonna be either a GREAT thing or a TERRIBLE thing

Or it won’t be relevant at all. 

Well Lady will just choke a guy to death for fun or throw a kid in front of a subway one scene, and then the next she’ll be like “hmm how can I convince this small child to give me the key I want” when his brother whom she could easily torture is standing right there

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #187

UPDATE 187: Love Confession

Last time Dirk took back the narrative, and Jade was knocked out for months. Also, Jane won the election, it’s a victory for the neoliberal austerity measures. Viva la Crocker! So what now? Let’s see.

We make a quick stop back at Rose’s apartment. She understandably wants to pack a few things before we leave this planet forever.

...okay, the update has barely started and there’s already some big news. So Dirk’s leaving the planet with Rose? Why? Is this an important part of his assimilation plan? Or is he doing this just to spite Kanaya, because he clearly has dedicated a lot of effort to making her run in circles? Dirk, explain!

She’ll have to leave her current body soon if she’s going to survive the absolute realization of her Ultimate Self. The new body I’ve made for her won’t have much use for her usual ensembles. That’s all I was saying.

The first thought I had was that she was going to ascend and turn into some kind of metaphysical existence, then I read the part about ‘the new body I’ve made for her’. Could it be a robot? I remember Dirk is superb with robotics. Pretty creepy of him to shove Rose’s consciousness into a robot, really. Kanaya isn’t going to be happy at all with this.

At least there’s still enough Rose in that head she wants to pick up stuff because of the memories. There’s still hope if she’s taken away from Dirk, perhaps? Hard to know. Rose hardly will be safe as long as Dirk has control over the narration, anyway.

Apparently Dirk knows nothing about jewelry, because he calls a necklace a ‘rock rope’. I know it’s unlikely the version of Earth he came from had any use for jewelry given...well...he was one of the two humans that remained alive and also everything was ruinous and gone, but seriously, Dirk, pay attention, haha! Rock rope, seriously...

I expect at least an aggravated retort, but nothing comes.

I glance back and see that her eyes have grown glassy and distant, like two round-cut amethysts. Her smile seems due less to fondness than stupefaction. The circles under her eyes are dark, and her head is cushioned on an arm bent beneath it. Keeping her eyes trained on me seems to be the only energy she’s able to expend anymore. The omniscience sickness is wreaking havoc on her. I should hurry up.

I’m glad I never had to feel whatever she’s going through. Not everyone can be built like me. It just means I carry a greater responsibility to take care of those more fragile. Especially the ones most important to me.

It sounds like Rose would have been going through a lot of trouble even if Dirk hadn’t been messing around with her head, but nothing of what he has done is good for her. Since she’s not in any condition to make sure Dirk picks up the right things, he just shoves everything in a bag or something and calls it a day.

ROSE: Are you sure Kanaya is going to be ok with this?

She’s so far gone she can’t even tell Kanaya of course wouldn’t be okay with this. Damn, Rose, this epilogue hasn’t been kind to you at all. First it makes you omniscient and have killer migraines, now it’s drying your brain like a raisin so maybe you can be shoved into a robot while you’re being taken out of the planet to who knows where. Then again, who has this epilogue been kind to?

Dirk states he’ll make Kanaya understand, by which I imagine he means he’ll make her go around the Earth as if she was playing Where in the World is Rose Lalonde. Given how Kanaya won’t accept anything that isn’t Rose being freed, talking to her won’t be an option.

Speaking of Kanaya, she’s currently rushing towards the apartment, possibly having noticed Rose is there, and stop to take out her phone and plan what she’ll say to Dirk.

Is she sure she’s not misunderstanding something? Could she have misread the signals, or falsely assigned nefarious intent to a perfectly innocent series of events?

Honestly at this point I doubt anything of what Dirk has said to her can be construed as a ‘perfectly innocent series of events’. I mean, almost all of it has been left up to imagination, but Dirk already admitted he’s okay with messing around with Kanaya, so I doubt he has even pretended to make it look like this isn’t a kidnapping.

By now it’s pretty clear where there’s orange text there’ll be gaslighting. He takes advantage of his narrative powers to fill Kanaya with doubts and make her think she’s misinterpreting so many things. He’s even making her doubt of maybe being with her is good for Rose. It gets to the point where she tries to call Rose again and, this time, Dirk lets her answer, most likely because he knows he has managed to get the reactions and feelings he wanted her to feel.

KANAYA: Rose Its Okay

KANAYA: I Know Everything

ROSE: You... you do?

KANAYA: Yes

KANAYA: I Understand Whats Going On Now

KANAYA: I Just Want You To Know

KANAYA: How Happy You Made Me

ROSE: Oh, Kanaya...

KANAYA: I Wont Be Long

KANAYA: I Just Need To Say A Couple Things

KANAYA: While I Can

KANAYA: Before I Get Too Emotional About This

KANAYA: I Finally Get It

KANAYA: I Know You And He Belong Together

KANAYA: I Really Hope You Will Both Be Happy

KANAYA: Wherever Youre Going And Whatever You Decide To Do

KANAYA: I Will Always Be Thinking Of You

KANAYA: And Be Grateful For The Life We Had Together

ROSE: I...

ROSE: I’ll always remember you, Kanaya.

ROSE: Thank you so much for understanding.

And with this the path is clear and Kanaya won’t interfere anymore. Dirk has once again gotten away with whatever he’s trying to do. Congratulations, Dirk. Now what? He takes the phone to speak to her. Now that Kanaya isn’t upset and raring to rescue Rose, they have a short conversation.

DIRK: You’ve probably heard by now that Jade is sick.

DIRK: In a coma or something? She’s in the hospital.

KANAYA: Yes

DIRK: I’ve got an antidote for that. Medicine of sorts.

DIRK: If you give it to her, it should wake her up almost immediately.

DIRK: I left it here on the counter in your apartment.

I sure as hell don’t trust anything Dirk can give them. I’m almost certain that supposed antidote or medicine is none of that, and will make her worse. What’s more, won’t this make them suspicious? This would certainly show Dirk knows more about what happened to Jade than what he has told them. Heck, as I mentioned last update, this isn’t the first time he has used tranquilizers. Someone should have been able to make the connection, no?

Dirk sedates Rose with his trademark horse tranquilizers and takes her away. Also...

It slips my mind to bring along her bag of stuff.

I find that impossible to believe. No way Dirk just forgot, he intentionally left that behind, Mr. Multitasking, the guy Jane said would be unlikely to forget even little details.

Back at Dave and Karkaroni’s home, they still were in denial about their defeat in the political world, and now are watching Jane’s inauguration. This is such a bad spectacle for them Dave immediately proposes to get drunk. He’s down with alcoholism now. Oh boy. He also has been wondering for a while if there was anything they could have done different that could have led to their victory. Hardly, as Jake’s endorsement was going to be the cornerstone of their victory, but he still wonders that.

DAVE: i just keep imagining what wouldve happened if that absurd rube goldberg machine of life ruining humiliation had been stopped at any point

DAVE: maybe just being backstabbed by his endorsement alone was something we couldve recovered from with some rigorous counter campaigning

DAVE: but what if i had been fast enough to cut him off before hed even said anything

DAVE: what if i hadnt accidentally fallen on him on the stage when i was rushing over there to stop him

DAVE: what if he hadnt freaked out like i set off fireworks next to a nam vet and started trying to fucking scrum me

DAVE: what if id just backed away from his punch with my legs like a normal person instead of warping the flow of time to escape causing him to become so startled he shit his pants

DAVE: what if i hadnt gotten so visibly grossed out by the smell that even the people watching it on tv could tell what had happened

DAVE: what if he hadnt started sobbing when the audience in the front rows started throwing up

DAVE: what if wed had better security and stopped that lady from running onstage during the fracas and announcing that jake has been dodging paying child support for their 3 kids

Ah.

...

You know, I’m not really a fan of Jake. He’s okay as a character, but I don’t like him that much. Still, I keep having the impression his entire existence in Homestuck for quite a while is to be the author’s punching bag. The guy can’t have any dignity, can he? That aside, Dirk wasn’t in charge of the narrative back then because he was busy ogling over John and Terezi’s heartfelt conversations, so all that happened without his intervention. Poor Jake...

Also, so many people are very into getting Karkaroni and Dave together. While I like that thought, it feels rather invasive of everyone to be so invested in it. At this rate they’ll make the relationship fail before it has even started.

Karkaroni is a bit relieved he didn’t win, but...after the humiliation of losing to anyone in such a public manner I imagine he’s not going to be thrilled with the attention. Even if he’s loved by the public it still will get some comments and words of support, and he’s not the type to take those things quietly. Good thing he almost doesn’t leave the hive.

If Karkat had anything resembling a spine, he’d turn to Dave with those big, sparkling shoujo eyes and finally open his tsundere heart to consummating their painfully obvious and mutually reciprocated passion

How quaint, my eyes somehow went blind momentarily as soon as the words ‘sparkling shoujo eyes’ were said in reference to Karkaroni. What a curious phenomenon.

Somehow, trying to manipulate Dave into confessing his feelings towards Karkaroni is the line Dirk refuses to cross. Really? That’s your line in the sand? Okay then. So he’s going to let these two handle things their way, although with some prodding via narrative, I suppose. Oh, that’s what this page will be about! I see! Alright, continue.

Karkaroni begins by thanking Dave for everything.

KARKAT: EVEN IF WE DIDN’T WIN, I’M GLAD WE TRIED.

KARKAT: I’M GLAD WE WENT THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.

DAVE: me too

KARKAT: MORE THAN ANYTHING, I... YOU...

KARKAT: YOU BELIEVE IN ME IN A WAY NOBODY EVER HAS BEFORE.

KARKAT: MORE THAN I’VE EVER BEEN ABLE TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF.

Aw, that’s sweet! He really appreciates the support and it’s easy for him to believe Dave means everything he says. When anyone else tells him they like and support him it feels like condescending kindness, but it’s different with Dave. That’s what Karkaroni is saying.

KARKAT: YOU’RE ON MY LEVEL. AND I’M ON YOURS.

KARKAT: I BELIEVE THAT YOU SEE ME IN FRONT OF YOU THE WAY I ACTUALLY AM, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, AND STILL LIKE ME ANYWAY.

KARKAT: SO EVEN THOUGH IT’S STILL HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF A LOT OF THE TIME,

KARKAT: I BELIEVE IN YOU, SO I DON’T NEED TO.

DAVE: so what youre saying is you believe in me who believes in you

They’re kindred spirits, pretty much. Even if they don’t get together, they’re likely to be good friends for a very long time, if not forever. That’ll do them both some good, especially in these coming times of bad economy and neoliberal austerity measures. Besides, without Jade messing around with ridiculous threesome thirst, things are bound to be less tense around here. The future is...not looking bright, but at least they’ll have each other as support.

KARKAT: YEAH, KIND OF?

KARKAT: FUCK, MAN. THAT’S KIND OF DEEP.

DAVE: i know

KARKAT: SO, YEAH.

KARKAT: THAT’S WHAT I’VE NEVER REALLY FELT BEFORE.

KARKAT: AND I’M GLAD YOU’RE...

KARKAT: THAT WE’RE...

Come on. You’re so close.

KARKAT: I’M GLAD YOU’RE MY FRIEND, DAVE.

Aw, that’s fantastic! Look at that, Karkaroni said aloud he appreciates Dave this much, and he did it to his face! This kind of thing is real difficult for him, so the fact he felt the spontaneous need to tell this to Dave is pretty nice. They have come quite a long way since their first interactions in like Act 3 or so.

Dave pretty much says ‘oh. Same.’, which is as much emotional reciprocation as Dave can give, I suppose, so I can’t give him much of a hard time. Dirk, on the other hand, is pretty much dying. If Dave and Karkaroni’s conversation is what makes Dirk quit controlling the narrative I’ll be so amused. This is going so well Dirk decides to press things a little, making Dave have some weird mental images and similes, but it does get Dave to continue talking.

Kind of rude to forget what you were talking about Karkaroni’s feelings, pal. Top notch friendship/almost romantic effort. But yeah, it’s now Dave’s turn to talk about his feelings, saying ‘same’ in more words.

DAVE: like maybe we feel the same way about certain things

DAVE: but what were saying and what were feeling

DAVE: maybe those arent exactly the same thing

DAVE: and maybe... we should...

KARKAT: WE SHOULD WHAT?

DAVE: maybe its time to

DAVE: talk

DAVE: about... that

Well, I guess this is progress?

KARKAT: THAT???

DAVE: yeah, like

DAVE: how... when you say were friends

DAVE: what... does that mean

KARKAT: THAT WE’RE FRIENDS?

DAVE: yeah but

DAVE: is that it?

DAVE: just friends

Oho, he’s pushing for it! Maybe Dave really feels something romantic towards Karkaroni. I’m actually a bit surprised he’s acting on that. While I personally did believe he did, I wasn’t really going to take it for granted unless more indication was given in the text and here it is. Alright!

KARKAT: OF COURSE NOT.

KARKAT: YOU’RE MY...........

KARKAT: B......

KARKAT: ......EST FRIEND.

DAVE: oh

DAVE: i see

It’s so unlike Karkaroni to hesitate like that. Does he feel the same too? I feel like, if he had no doubts about it, he’d have outright said ‘best friend’ without any ellipsis. Something in your mind, Karkaroni? Dave accepts it anyway, and that’s that. At least until Dirk keeps pressing things forward again. Geez, give them a break.

Alright, Dirk, can you not. Being too descriptive is a thing, you know.

Dave’s actually leaning forward for a kiss, Dirk making sure every little action Karkaroni does seems like he’s receptive to romantic overtures, until Dave realizes he’s having thoughts he’d never have. Which is true, really. The narration is really invasive.

KARKAT: WHAT’S WRONG?

KARKAT: DID I DO SOMETH—

DAVE: no

DAVE: i just cant

DAVE: shit

DAVE: it just feels like

It feels like nothing, Dave. Don’t worry about it.

DAVE: what the fuck is going on

DAVE: this feels really off

KARKAT: ????

DAVE: idk

DAVE: i just keep having thoughts i know id never think

He’s right. This is precisely why I say forcing things to happen is not a good idea. Look at that, it’s interfering. Way to go, Dirk, now stop metaphorically holding their head together as if they’re dolls you’re making kiss. All you did is make Dave all confused.

I take a deep breath and get myself under control. My light psychological intrusions may have only made things worse. Invested as I am in the outcome of this encounter, I know forcing their hand would be a mistake.

NO KIDDING.

If Dave passes that threshold not of his own will, it’d be a hollow victory anyway. There’s nothing I can do but settle down, step it back, and trust my boy to bring it home.

I think if Dirk forced things to happen this wouldn’t last, unless Dirk keeps his attention on their romantic relationship 24/7, and he obviously wouldn’t want to do that. Things would fall apart irreparably, I’d say, because these two are so emotionally constipated they would refuse to even consider the possibility of trying again. Just let things happen, if they happen.

What follows is several paragraphs of prose so purple I’m surprised the font is orange. Despite that it’s pretty well written, it’s descriptive and paints the scene pretty vividly. This may be the one time I like Dirk’s narration. Also, all that is being funneled into Dave’s head, so it’s like he has a narrator describing everything, which he doesn’t like. Dirk once again ruins everything when Dave had already progressed, and let me tell you, your loved one shouting in your face to some unseen influence is not attractive.

Before Karkaroni can ponder if Dave is losing his mind right in front of him, Dave just goes ahead with the kiss. There they go! What they wanted has happened. Now the thing to wonder is if it’ll last. Good luck to them!

God damn. I’m sorry. I’m blowing the description here, and missing a lot of good shit. It just caught me so off guard.

Honestly it’s better this way. No need for more, that was all that was needed. Brevity is the soul of wit, Dirk. Not that you have ever known the meaning of the word ‘brevity’.

I’m not going to intercede with a single word further, and I won’t let you, either. I won’t cheapen this beautiful moment with my base editorialization just to satisfy your voyeuristic curiousity. Frankly, I’m offended you’d even expect me to.

I expected it because you have as much tact as a baseball bat to the teeth, pal.

What they’re getting up to here is nobody’s business but theirs.

Davekat is canon, and that’s really all there is to say on the matter. Let’s give these crazy lovebirds some privacy and move on.

Thank goodness, make this twice I’m okay with Dirk’s narration. I better check outside and see what color is the moon right now. Oh, look, it’s blue. No wonder he’s being discreet.

So after these parts where Dirk was acceptable as the narrator, naturally he has to go and ruin it by meeting Jake the next page, where he immediately showers himself with rose petals and preens by bragging about any virtues he thinks he has. I’m not looking forward to him talking to Jake, especially not after the way he was talking about Jake back at the stadium for the endorsement speech. At the first sign of ridiculous gaslighting I’m calling this a day.

My guy Squarewave is here too. I need his help today, because there’s a lot of cargo to wrangle. He’s wheeling something around on a hand truck. Something about the height of Rose, roughly Rose-shaped, and wrapped in a cloth. I know she’s gonna love it the first time she sees it. But the only way she’ll be able to do that is when she’s awake and looking in a mirror.

Okay, it definitely will be a robot for Rose. Golly, there’s something really creepy about transferring a friend’s consciousness to a robot, especially when she’s in no condition to do anything about it. Then again, I suppose a robot’s processing power would help to deal with the sensory overload of all the visions and stuff. That must be Dirk’s reasoning, no? I wonder for Rose will react once she’s inside the robot, able to think clearly – if Dirk doesn’t stop her from thinking, of course.

Dirk goes straight to the point, telling he needs a spaceship, although he doesn’t mention it’s to run away from the planet. All he wants is something fast, to run away as quickly as he can to where nobody can bother him while he keeps his iron grip on everything from a distance, I suppose.

Apparently Jake thought he was going to join Dirk, so Dirk sets that straight. Now that this matter is settled, Jake asks a sensible question:

JAKE: So um... how long will you be away? Does kanaya know about all of these shenanigans?

DIRK: Yes.

DIRK: We’ve discussed it. She’s ok with it.

JAKE: Whew good to see theres no trouble in paradise. Theyve always had the most lovely marriage.

Boy that’s going to be awkward to discuss, if they ever do. There’s plenty of trouble in paradise, and all of them are shaped like Dirk.

Jake hasn’t gotten over his failed relationship with Dirk, and he asks him when he’ll be back from this romp in space. The news Dirk is never coming back devastates him. Oh hey, I just realized: is Terezi coming? This is what Dirk meant about letting her come along, right? Is she going to join them, dragging John’s corpse in a wallet? Should I expect a Terezi robot in the future?

Jake can’t come, not only because Dirk doesn’t want him anywhere near him, but also because he’ll have to support Jane in a reign that’s likely to last millions of years. Jake argues he knows nothing about strategy or policy, so I suppose he’ll stay because of his political capital? Whatever political capital he has left after the...shameful spectacle of the endorsement speech.

DIRK: Uh, Jake. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

DIRK: Well, I know Jane sure doesn’t.

JAKE: Then... what...

DIRK: You’ll just be, you know.

DIRK: Her candy boy?

JAKE: CANDY BOY???

DIRK: Yeah. Being on call.

DIRK: Serving a multimillion-year term of giving her the right kind of “presidential action” she needs to keep going. To keep her morale up and such.

DIRK: To provide her with many heirs.

DIRK: Doesn’t that sound cool?

I’m losing my patience with this ass and also with Condesce Jane. Scrolling down. Jake basically confesses he can’t live without Dirk’s presence, and Dirk puts all the blame on Jake. Where’s the arrow for the next page...ah, there it is.

Kanaya is looking for Jade’s hospital room, antidote in hand. She finds it and shows Roxy the antidote, ready to apply it to Jade. She doesn’t even explain what it is, she just injects it right away, and it doesn’t take long at all for Jade to start moving. An effective antidote! And when Jade opens her eyes, they’re green instead of black. She’s not possessed. Ah, so that’s why Dirk was okay with letting Jade wake up, she’s not under Dead Calliope’s control anymore.

Looks like during her trance there was still some sort of consciousness in her. She knows a lot, possibly in the same way Dirk, Rose and Terezi know a lot – by seeing a lot of alternate Jades. She’s taking it all rather well, without headaches or anything debilitating like what Rose had before going to see Dirk. She does have something, though: wrath. And it’s all directed at one person.

JADE: DIRK STRIDER HAS TO BE STOPPED!!!!!!!!!!

Damn right! Buuuut he’s kind of getting on a spaceship, so you’re running out of time for that. Then again, this is Jade, the one with space powers. That has to be some sort of advantage.

The next page is Dirk’s justification for his actions. It’s nothing really worthwhile, mostly that he wanted to be a good person and thought of himself that way, but given what he had to do and what powers he had, it was impossible to come across as anything but the villain, and that he admitted he was the villain now. From all this page there’s only a couple things worth going deeper into, I’d say. Let’s see...

If my agenda was to try as hard as I could to make sure no one thought I sucked, what the fuck would ever get done? How would I go about taming this world, or shaping reality for the better? And if I didn’t bother pursuing those goals, and thereby tacitly accepting the untold suffering that resulted from my inaction, wouldn’t that make me a bad person? If I try and succeed, I’m a hero, right? And if I try and fail, at least I made things interesting on my way to the grave. There would be a tragic nobility in that. And the way I see it, settling for anything less from my arc would be, frankly, pathetic.

Right. Can’t say I understand what Dirk’s plan is, other than it seems like it’s to assimilate everyone under one big god or something – most likely in a metaphorical manner – but other than that there hasn’t really been any kind of information about it. That aside, there’s something else to touch in this part.

Be okay with everyone hating you because you know what you’re doing is for the better? It’s more than fine. Has a lot of potential and grounds for some good personal conflict. It’d indeed be tragically noble. Buuuut none of what I read in this epilogue says it’s a tragically noble. In terms of writing, Dirk seriously is going to succeed on making every character in Homestuck loathe him, judging by the way Jade already woke up and is ready to scream her head off about how Dirk has to be stopped, so he has that much right. All that is more than fine, and it certainly would be a hella interesting story if it wasn’t an epilogue.

The problem is that Dirk controlled the narrative and showed exactly what was going on in his head. The reader could see very clearly what he thought of everyone, the reader saw what kind of choice words he had to say about people like John or Jake or anyone else. The reader saw all the disdain towards pretty much everything and how Dirk kept patting himself on the back. After all that, this entire page of Dirk justifying how it’s okay if he’s the villain comes across as very delusional. It’s pretty hard to think of any of this as ‘tragic nobility’ when the narrative showed very well he’s pretty rotten to the core.

Which would have been excellent if this had been anything other than Homestuck, really. It’d have been such an interesting thing, and so enjoyable. Alas. Still going to talk about that once I’m done with the epilogue.

The other thing I think is worth seeing is this:

That’s why when someone finally comes knocking for the price I owe, I’ll fully welcome it. By then it’ll have been a long time coming, and I’ll probably have done more than my share to make sure, somewhere along the way, it all got put into motion. What good is a villain who doesn’t have a satisfying dramatic comeuppance in store for him? So yeah, the next time I die, let’s pencil it in as a Just Death. And let’s also have it on good authority that the next time Dave cuts off my head, it’ll be for good.

I’ll be looking forward to that day just as much as the next guy.

He already has decided how it’ll be. I don’t doubt he’ll let it happen because, well, he controls the narrative, and my guess is that he wouldn’t let anyone but Dave kill him. Who better than him? And in what other manner but making the meme happen once again? Even during death Dirk Strider has to stick to his memes. Wouldn’t be surprised if when the time comes he intentionally writes things so Dave decapitates him instead of, say, stab him through the gut with the sword.

Aaaalso, is this implying said ‘satisfying dramatic comeuppance’ isn’t coming in this epilogue? Kind of say that coming, really. I heard the Meat epilogue has forty-something pages and this is page 41. There’s not really a lot of space left to do a dramatic confrontation that’s not rushed, unless you forgo everything like setting it up and just teleport everybody to the moment of Dirk’s death. Then again, this is Homestuck. Clean, tidy conclusions aren’t really its thing, haha, so I didn’t really think there’d be any kind of confrontation with Dirk. If Lord English didn’t get one in the story itself, why would Dirk Strider of all people get it?

The next page starts with quite the long conversation. Let’s see...

So, Jade is immediately alarmed while Kanaya is appeasing her, saying everything is okay. Roxy is going to be so confused, being the only one here who hasn’t been involved in Dirk’s antics at all. Now that I think about it, Roxy is the only one who hasn’t been kicked to the curb by this epilogue, I suppose it’s because she’s been pretty much a nonentity during the epilogue except for a conversation or two that didn’t really have anything to do with the other plots. Then again, Calliope had even less and she ended traumatized.

KANAYA: Hes Going To Take Good Care Of Rose

KANAYA: Probably Much Better Than Id Ever Be Able To

KANAYA: Ill Miss Her But Im At Least Thankful For That

JADE: THANKFUL??

JADE: kanaya...

JADE: did

JADE: did dirk KIDNAP ROSE?!

Yes! He very much did! Make sure when you rescue her her mind is in her body instead of inside a robot. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to convince everyone to take an empty husk away, saying she’s in a coma or something.

Things are so bad Roxy sounds indignant. I feel bad for her, it’s going to be tough to hear such things about one of her oldest friends. Jade asks questions to find out if Kanaya being okay with these developments was an attitude she arrived to by her own volition or if Dirk influenced her in some manner. As soon as the answer is said she knows it’s Dirk’s influence.

It’s fine, Kanaya. Why don’t we just say I’m invoking the mercy rule here. Jade is onto me obviously. But I wouldn’t have even let her wake up if there was anything you all could do about it by now. As the cherub resurfaces in her mind, I’ll be fading out of here soon anyway. I don’t see any reason to keep my dear friends in limbo any longer than they need to be.

So he doesn’t mind if Dead Calliope takes over Jade again – and possibly the narrative. Sounds to me like Dirk got away with whatever he was doing, then. If he can let go of the narrative, then he doesn’t need it anymore. Oof, not good. He cares so little he even gives Kanaya her own sane judgment back. How smug of him.

KANAYA: Wait

KANAYA: I Dont...

KANAYA: Im Confused

ROXY: ???

KANAYA: Why Didnt I At Least

KANAYA: Demand To See My Wife Before They Departed While I Had Dirk On The Phone

ROXY: omg u didnt even SEE her before she left??

KANAYA: No

KANAYA: At The Time It Didnt Feel Right To Ask I Guess

KANAYA: I Was So Devastated I Thought

KANAYA: That I Should Just

KANAYA: I Dont Know What I Thought

KANAYA: What

KANAYA: What Was I THINKING?

JADE: :(

She must be furious. It’s not everyday she lets go of her quirk like that. From the position my scrolling bar is at right now, I see more full caps. Kanaya, do you still have chainsaws? I can imagine Kanaya revving up the chainsaw right now. Dirk should consider himself lucky he may be already in outer space.

Seriously, it’s pretty hard to think of Dirk’s actions as ‘tragically noble’ when he’s patting his own back so hard he’s going to sprain his shoulder.

Without even knowing the details Kanaya is already certain Dirk has corrupted her in some manner, because otherwise Rose wouldn’t have acted like she did. She’s not wrong! And then she vows to make him pay, and pay dearly he will. That part I’m afraid won’t happen, as I’m pretty sure Dave will be the one to give the final blow, and chainsaws kind of make deadly injuries so she can’t do anything.

Since Jade’s the one with the answers, Kanaya demands to hear them, impatiently ignoring Jade’s words about anything that doesn’t seem related to Dirk at first. True to dramatic yet cheesy writing, all Jade manages to say is...

JADE: im trying to get to that!

JADE: the thing with dirk is...

JADE: is...

Whooops, here comes Dead Calliope. Hi! And this time Dirk is okay with it because his plans are already underway, so he doesn’t mind giving the dead cherub this advantage. Dead Calliope will give Jade back only when Dirk is so far away he’s not a danger to anyone, and given how he’s already far away and in control...well that’s going to be a long while.

they will know what to do, when they are ready.

Ha ha. Sure. They’ll all just hop in a spaceship and go on a wild goose chase trying to hunt me down. I know that already. It’s really not rocket science. Except for the fact that it literally is.

Can it really be called a wild goose chase when it’s a foregone conclusion they’ll succeed? You know they will, you’re even expecting that with some eagerness. It may take them a looooong time, but they’ll reach Dirk someday. A few of these people have an eternity to do so, after all. I imagine others will come along once they find out what happened, too. I’m pretty confident Jane would be the only one who wouldn’t, and that’s because she’ll be too busy implementing her reign of terror.

kanaya drops to the floor and begins weeping again. she feels the sorrow anew from her wife’s departure, with a sense of rage and pain unshrouded by the veil of the prince. neither she nor her friends will have to worry about him anymore, so long as they remain on this planet and under my protection.

Well! Sorry to disappoint, Dead Calliope, but the odds they’ll remain on this planet and do nothing after two of them stated pretty clearly Dirk has to be stopped and kidnapped someone are...pretty low. I just hope Dead Calliope isn’t going to get in their way when they finally get going.

KANAYA: He Has To Be Stopped...

KANAYA: He Has To Be Stopped...

huddled on the floor, she repeats this pledge to herself. theoretically, he could be stopped before he leaves, if they hurried. they would need to know what to do, where to go, and to have the motivation to do it, but time is short. i could push them to, with a certain degree of intervention, but i will not. my unwillingness to do so is what separates me from him. and what corporeal life needs now is someone presiding over them who is nothing like him at all.

So Dead Calliope would just be an observer narrating everything, I guess. She wouldn’t intervene or push anyone around unless they were insulting the mighty lollipop. That’d be the extent of her actions, hm...having free will sounds really nice, I must say. It wouldn’t be so bad for this to be the status quo.

This is the end of the page. This update is already quite long, so I’ll cut it here. In the next one I’ll finish the meat epilogue.

Next update: next time

[pitbullwithaship]

DOCTOR WHO LIVEBLOG S2 E3

Okay, now that I'm done my fanfic fueled day of mourning, we can watch some more!!!

Ooh they're in a school now

PHYSICS fun fact I hate physics

I don't know I like correctamundo

Ooh super nerd kid, he has found a kindred spirit

Aw poor Rose, she gets to be a lunch lady

Okay so super nerd kid is not a good sign then

Okay weird things going on, poor Milo

Ooh Mickey gets to help yay

TORCHWOOD

Ooh suspicious

Ya, she sounds alright definitely

Okay creepy creepy mind control shit

Ah the creepy alien headmaster dude

SARAH-JANE

I love him, I love him do you understand he's adorable

Oof creepy sounds

Ooh that's an icky alien

I love Sarah-Jane

Liminal space Rose, always very odd

Ooh more creepy sounds

Awww Doctor

Omg the jealousy

Ew rats

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE THEYRE HILARIOUS

The missus and the ex, MICKEY

Ooh bat aliens

K9!!!!

MICKEY DON'T BE MEAN

Oh dear awkward conversations

Aww poor doctor

Aw poor Mickey

No don't fight, you're my parents please

Awwww he loves her

"YOU CAN LIVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH ME BUT I CAN'T SPEND THE REST OF MINE WITH YOU" HE'S SO TRAGIC

Dramatic face off

Okay the pool is an amazing setting for a face off

YOU GET ONE WARNING, THAT WAS IT AAAHH

Awww girl bonding time

That's hilarious I love them

Oh no the teachers

Ooh the kid is suspicious now good for him

WHAT CAN'T BE?!

MANIPULATION

"Everything has it's time and everything ends" I love her

SUGGEST YOU ENGAGE RUNNING MODE I LOVE K9

Love how he just yells to command them

I love that kid

Awww poor K9 awwwww

GOOD DOG AAAAAHHHHHH

AFFIRMATIVE I LOVE HIM

Aw the girls

Awww

Tough act to follow, I love them

AAAAHHH I LOVE THEM I LOVE HIM I LOVE SARAH-JANE

YAY K9