#my kinlist would be. embarrassing.

[regular-theodore]

THIS IS TOO REAL

i'd make a kinlist but i'd have to put david brittlesbee on there and that's too embarrassing.

[candikin]

Note: There's plenty more, but these are pretty big ones and I got lazy, also no, I don't think I am these characters, I just relate to them-

I'm not tagging the person who made the Terrence and Burt art... because that would be embarrassing if they saw. Obviously none of this is mine. I ain't maintagging this stuff so I guess I should probably explain

We got Captured! Charles's Terrence, Captured! Charles's Burt, Candi Cotton specifically in Toppat Tomfoolery (since that's the only one I have watched so far) by Dennis Likes Jazz, and Mikan... from Danganronpa

They were going to be sorted by when I relate, either when I think I'm god/the best (Terry), the worst (Mikan), or both (Burt and Candi). I have no idea what's wrong with me but it ended up in this... mess. But I got lazy to find my actual kinlist after just remembering four

[cringedog]

How embarrassing would it be if I put Orpheus from hadestown on my kinlist

[obsessiveindecision]

hi there ma'am. 5 and 6 tell me about em >:), 27, 41-46 and 98 ;)

omg okay ajdjajdjs

5 and 6

Yes!!! I have a kidsona but not a trollsona! but i have troll ocs, my kidsona is also a Prince of Time and I love her she’s great and she’s always using stupid time puns despite being generally a bit too serious!

27

The mayor of course :P

41 - 46

who i’d chose as a moirail,,, embarrassing as it is to confess,,, Eridan ajdjajdj jsjdjsjxjs i just wanna hell the poor kid 🥺 or dirk!!! we r both overbearing we could make it work

kismesis,,, all of them would kick my ass given the chance but,,, hmm god i can’t give the true answer cause my friend rice would never let me live it down 🖤 so maybe terezi? i feel like we could have a good back and forth argument thing going it’d be fun!

matesprit,,, is that even a question? Equius. OR OR OR!!! Porrim 🥰 aaaaah i love porrim so much shes so cool!

an asupice,,, probably like karkat ajdjajdjsk although he’d hate having to auspice between terezi and someone else maybe kan or aRADIA SHED B GREAT!!

i wanna be best friends with all of them 👉👈 but like,,, the beta kids especially i love them so much the beta kids let me join ur gang pls

aaand 98!

this is like asking for my kinlist 😔 aaaah i rel8 (hee hee) to aranea a lot,,, and,,, dirk,,, i’m making myself sound like an awful person but it’s true!! and the maryams 🥰 theres more but we don’t need to get into that ajsjajdjsksk

[mayleavestars]

INTRODUCTION: JESUS THIS IS CRINGE

Here’s an introductory thought: capitalization has ruined everything forever. 

When it comes to capitalizing or not-capitalizing online, especially in the case of ‘formal’ writing, and ESPECIALLY if zero professors are reading and grading it, there is no ‘good’ answer. Maybe this is as a result of everything I do feeling  fundamentally affected. I’ve spent the entirety of my life putting ‘thought’ into self-presentation and how it affects people. This is probably my fault more than anybody else’s. 

the fact of the matter is, if i write like this, then i’m trying to be “poetic” and “e.e. cummings”, and if I write like this, then the Rose Lalonde kinnie in me is only held back by the fact that a true Rose Lalonde kinnie would never admit to kinning Rose Lalonde. Also, I'm not about to claim I know what ‘kinning’ is and whether I’ve ever experienced. I am open to being kin-assigned by all who care to provide input, but that’s the same thing as willingly participating in my own ‘kinning’. 

(Also, if i had a kin list, it would have harriet vane on it.) 

is the answer to capitalization, then, to be wildly inconsistent? to eschew punctuation along with capitalization to demonstrate that im not and will never be claiming to be e.e. cummings because at least presumably he used apostrophes? (dont correct me if he did.) 

Or is it perchance to type like jake english thus heroically reaping the benefits of just one tantalizing capital letter per sentence? Really makes you think does it not.

probably not the last one but HOW FUNNY would it be if i typed like that for the rest of my life. 

the fact of the matter is that blogging is a fucking pain in the ass because reading the blog of anyone i know in real life is a fucking pain in the ass. performance is embarrassing when people know you’re doing it! sending gene my fanfiction is always fun because he can determine with razor-sharp precision the bits of my own psyche that dribble tantalizingly into dirk strider or terezi pyrope or whoever you want. i think that kind of thing is extremely fun! and microblogging is nice because if you drop little bits of your thoughts into the world, nobody knows exactly how authentic they are because they don’t have the space to analyze it.

the issue of blogging is that it is public, longform, and consumable. it’s half public journal entry, half nonfiction essay. it is both reflective and personal and, somehow, entertaining, though there are very few thinkers i find compelling enough to willingly subscribe to Everything Their Voice Says, and very few people i can imagine doing this for me, even people who i know love me! so maybe this is exposure therapy or maybe this is an experiment that will fall apart within moments. 

online has always been like this, and also my real life has always been like this. there’s a snippet from a journal entry i wrote in 2016 that really got it. 

“i think hamlet has got me thinking about self-image and performativity, because obviously the whole play is obsessed with like, the acts that people put on and how we're seen and who watches us and whom we watch and what's an act and what isn't. and like, i'm really not at all like hamlet, because i'm not proto-nihilistic, or a raging misogynist, and i also highly doubt that i've got depression. which hamlet obviously does. but i think that something in me obviously connects to him - not directly, not like i connected to antigone, but . i don't know, i'm a distinctly emotional person who is also highly fixated on the way the world sees her, and also on how she sees herself. i say "i'm talking to myself", but i'm not - i never talk to myself, but i do address an audience that i can't see but that can see me. that makes it sound like i'm convinced that people are watching me 100% of the time or something and - i do say these things for myself, so to speak, but not to myself. i don't write this journal to myself... i keep on imagining my past self, or someone in the future, or someone i know, reading it and reacting to it, because like i said above - i can't do anything if it's not for an audience of some sort. which implies some kind of implicit belief that what i'm saying is not only worth hearing, but also worth the rapt observation of people i know won't exist.”

first of all, “i don’t have depression but the people i relate to most [my kinlist] are hamlet and antigone. im normal. im regular”

secondly, this doesn’t hit as hard but it still hits. i am posting this publicly, after all, aren’t i?