#my internet connection went off for a day so I'm editing this then posting this

[shotofstress]

Coming back after being almost a week without electricity, phone, and internet connection. Huge storms with lightning and rain, and winds. We have never have winds like that here and the roof of so many houses were ripped off, stuff flying, etc. All this bc global warming, and the deforestation and mining in our lands. At this rate, in 5 years we will have tornadoes, a thing we have never ever have here. Nor our lands, infrastructures, states, and culture are prepared for this. Areas of the country are devastated, ppl have died, many are without electricity nor Internet connection so they are isolated. The houses are flooding with water, and the ones that not, are leaking from the ceiling. Too many neighbours and compatriots don't have roofs and the streets are full of fallen trees and pieces of roof material, no electricity, no signal, food rotting, but suffering at the same time for the cold of this terrible winter, and trying to do something, patching even when its gonna go to hell when the storm comes again this next days. More than 33,200 people affected and 41,500 isolated due to 5 days of rain and windstorms. In just a couple of days there were 170,000 homes left without power due to wind and rainstorms and even more as time went by.

If u want to help me to fix the roof, walls, to buy food and being warm this winter please check my PayPal. If u can't donate, please reblog bc thats the only way to make this being seen by ppl thus receiving help. I'm really not being able to keep living like this, i can no longer cope, so please share.

Here are in my PayPal or MACH . I took the kofi link bc they were charging me a fee.

Please, educate about global warming and the effects on Global South, specially for working class, chronically ill, autistic, disable, and long covid survivor ppl like myself.

Edit: I added links and pics

Edit: the weather is better (is finally spring at this current date 24th nov), but I still need to fix were I live/sleep bc the walls are broken and one of the walls is not a wall, but like 1cm wide stuff and all was bad build so even the door is twisted and dont work correctly, there is black mold that i think is damaging my ears, the paint is falling, the lamp has fallen, everything is broken and ugly, etc. I still need to buy food, meds, and everything so please, please, share or donate if you could. I don't want to survive like this and here, no one mask even when they were the ones giving me covid and they have making me also catch flu the other day bc they cogh over everything and don't care if they kill me, they are abusive and really violent people and are working to put me and everyone in danger. I dont even want to be in my country bc we will have a dictatorship soon, but I have nowhere else to go nor money to migrate (i need like $10.537 dollars or € 9.760,95 euros to pay all the documents, the bank money I have to show to prove I am a human being deserver of rights, the tickets, rent money and stuff to migrate).

I currently have $100 dollars donated (coz i spent 40 in food and meds this past month)

I know i will die here, but at least help me to survive in a less dehumanising way.

Edit: tumblr has blocked me from recive or send messages from the chat and comment of posts, so if you are trying to reach throughout there I can't see it, sorry, I'm cut from any communication (cant even see past messages from chat or asks), except send asks. I'm waiting that tumblr do something, but still hasn't even answered the help file I sent to them.

[signalwatch]

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

Watched:  10/21/2023

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  Second, I think

Director:  Francis Ford Coppola

Firstly, this isn't Bram Stoker's actual Dracula.  This is Francis Ford Coppola's Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992).

I very much remember Coppola, with whose work I'd just become acquainted at age 15 or so, announcing he was going to remake the Universal Monster stuff using the source material.  And as a teen, I was jazzed.  Let's kick the dust off, ditch the stuffy 1930's stylings (I'd never seen the movies at this point) and lets make a Dracula for the 90's!  

All I can really remember from that first movie is that it was... a lot.  The reviews were mixed, but everyone was going to see it, and I was in a packed theatre when I watched it myself.  

Honestly, I remember thinking "well... that was a lot.  And I get why the reviews were mixed."  Halloween night of '93, I went to see the original, and was like "oh, wow.  This is rad.  I get why people love this." and, in fact, my interest in horror movie monsters I'd had as a kid was reignited (along with a VHS copy of Phantom of the Opera) to the point where I'm annoying about it to this day!

Over the years, I've not returned to the Coppola movie because (a) I didn't like it all that much to begin with, and (b) there's so many Draculas.  And one gotta catch 'em all.  

Since seeing this back in '92, I've since read the novel, watched the 1930's original many, many times, seen some sequels to that, watched the Hammer films, watched a clutch of other vampire films and Dracula adaptations - including stage plays, read Carmilla, and basically laid down what I think is a solid foundation.

This movie is super strange.

Like, look.  It's got some amazing ideas, and beautiful visuals.  My exposure to the movie in the internet age has been largely through stills and gifs, and given the dedication to the visual that this movie embraces, its a reminder that the film has some stunning photography, FX, design, costuming, etc....  It's an absolute "spared no expense" endeavor.  

I actually love the fact that the movie uses weird edits and dissolves - the peacock feather to the sun, etc... 

You can't ask for a better cast in 1992.  This is a post Silence of the Lambs Anthony Hopkins getting to play all the cool roles, a height of her fame Winona Ryder, Richard E. Grant, Cary Elwes, Billy Campbell, Keanu Reeves, and fucking Tom Waits as Renfield.  And, of course, a young Gary Oldman showing everyone what Gary Oldman can do.

Look, the movie isn't the book, full stop.  Since Lugosi made women swoon in the stage show of Dracula and then in theaters (no, really), the story of Dracula has become weirdly morphed from "agent of Satan slowly murders virgins" to "eternal love story".  

The book provides nothing like the pre-credits sequence to explain why the Count became an agent of the devil other than it sounded like a fun sort of thing to do.  There's no suicide of a wife, no war with the Turks.  There's no attempt to humanize Dracula by giving him a reason he might turn to the forces of darkness with which the audience might sympathize.  

There's just no love story between Dracula and anyone else in the book.  There's Mina having a mix of shocking sympathy for her tormentor (because she's a good person) and a bit of Stockholm Syndrome in the final chapters.   I have read that a lot of the past lives stuff is borrowed from a different Stoker novel about mummies, but it feels straight taken from the Boris Karloff movie The Mummy.  Which makes me wonder what Coppola planned to do for his remake there, had they proceeded as planned.  

There's nothing wrong with making the story a romance - that's what vampire stuff does, I guess.  But Bram Stoker's Dracula essentially turns the story of Dracula into Mina cheating on her boyfriend while he's at work with a dude with no job and a soul patch.  She'll insist they made such a connection (and, ironically, he's also juggling three other ladies she doesn't know about) and she's going to act nuts about it because she's invested so much into her secret little fling when she should write her dude and admit she's banging someone else.

The end result is that no one in the movie is anyone you care about except for maybe Van Helsing.  Mina seems like a dupe, Jonathan is wishy-washy, Lucy is narrative cannon fodder as the horny girl in a horror movie, and the three suitors are stripped of any qualities other than they sure are in the movie, and one has a hat.

Because the movie leans into Mina and Vlad's secret affair, it chews through a lot of plot time and also sets the pacing of the movie somewhat different from the novel.  By necessity, this means - so the movie isn't even longer than what feels like a very, very long two hours - the other characters get some short shrift and plotlines get condensed.  And that's... fine?  

Surely this movie's love affair works for someone out there, just as the Bella/ Edward romance works for a lot of people.  And I'm not opposed to it on its face, I just don't think this movie pulls it off in a way that makes you (a) cheer for the romance or (b) be horrified by Mina's seduction.  It just sorta rolls out, and the dramatic irony of Mina having no idea what's really happening becomes tedious.  And tedious is not good for movies.

I don't blame either actor here (even if sometimes Ryder's Ryderism in her voice gives the game away).  Oldman is maybe at an 8 at his lowest and an 11 for good chunks of the film, but that's what's called for.  Ryder is playing what she's got, but it's hard to know what that is.  We don't get much of who Mina is until she's already in crisis.

What we clearly do get is the idea that this is sexual repression, Victorian style.  And Dracula is supposed to prey on the unspoken horniness of the women - with Mina clearly trying to push Jonathan's Victorian sensibilities, and of which Lucy seems keenly aware as she uses the barest hint of a sexual nature to keep three dudes with options on the line.  

At the time of the movie's release, between fighting prudishness and lots of blood, this was seen by some as a movie for the AIDS/ HIV era, which... I don't think Coppola probably thought about even once.  It's the sort of observation made that is more about how the movie reflects the times, and what the viewer might bring to the film.  I don't think (but don't know) it was made for such a comparison - especially when the novel is clearly about science wrangling with unknown diseases, and the movie skips a lot of that element.  Except...

Our intro to Van Helsing has him discussing syphilis in a medical classroom, and making clear connections between STDs and the moral nature of man, which was quite the rage in the 90's.  I doubt that bit would make the cut in 2023, and it's an odd tie to Van Helsing as mystic scientist and Dracula-chaser. 

Flipping the script of the seduction of Mina is the imprisonment and seduction of Jonathan.  What is curious is that the movie never deals with what Mina knows about Jonathan's time away, how he delivered that info, etc... as it seems she's fully aware of the situation, and  we are robbed of her own reaction.  It's a lot, and she just seems like she's taking it all in stride.  Which, I guess if you've been shtupping a mysterious Eastern prince, you don't make a lot of fuss when your man tells you three hot women forced him into sex daily for a month.

What the movie does offer is spectacle upon spectacle.  And that isn't necessarily wrong.  The portion of the novel that's Jonathan's POV gets really weird, really fast.  But it can be the difference between Jonathan seeing a glimpse of what seems to be wolves in the woods and us seeing Jonathan's wagon from the shoulder POV of wolves, as the movie does.  The suggestion that the count moves unnaturally versus the obvious floating and zipping around the count does on screen that leaves nothing for the viewer to share Jonathan's uncertainty.  But this is a matter of taste.

I do enjoy the "this is a soundstage" look and feel to the exterior shots and the swing-for-the-fences design, including some of the stuff that's a bit risky to try as it can *feel* like it's trying.  The movie really is gorgeous, and there's a reason the stills that people post every Halloween have made me want to revisit the movie.  

Is it scary?  I mean - I think it has its moments.  And it embraces the weirdness of Renfield and Dracula himself as well as any version.  But without really *caring* about Mina or Lucy, the horror of what's happening is more indicated than visceral.  The scariest bit is probably, really, the dudes going into Lucy's crypt, with the first fifteen minutes in Dracula's castle a close second.  There's a lot of space in-between those scenes and after.

What's odd is that this is really considered the other Dracula film, the primary version still the 1931 Lugosi version or the Spanish version.  There have been innumerable versions before and since the 1992 version, but no one really seems interested in just telling the story in the book.  That said, this one is certainly closer than most.  

With endless streaming services, it seems like *someone* would just give it a go.  

By the way, I still think the guy who played the best Dracula in a movie in recent years was Nic Cage in Renfield.  I can only imagine if Coppola had cast his nephew for this what we could have had.

[abrthephantomq]

Someone recovering from autistic / corporate burn out, here:

I went on leave from my job at the beginning of Feb 2023. I officially quit in May 2023.

I...am not sure I'm recovered, yet. I have not worked a job since Feb 2023. I'm only just now starting to entertain trying to survive off of my child support from my ex-wife and my writing, because at least I can decide whether I work or not. And by entertain I mean actually looking at paying zine markets and nudging myself to take a shot at it, while I also work on my novel series and processing my mental health bullshit in the process of it all.

It's a lot. It requires a lot of rest. A lot of dicking around on the internet and a lot of journaling and making visual art for the sake of just... Processing. Sitting in my trauma. Letting my body actually recover from, well, fuck. Since my childhood? Idk, I'm a CSA survivor. I am also part of a DID system - so this process has to work for ALL of us, and allow everyone a chance to heal and rest and process, and that takes even more time. It takes unlearning masking behavior on several fronts: the autism front, and the oh, I'm not who you were talking to 4 seconds ago, front.

It's been a journey. It's still on going. But hey, one of our littles has picked up painting - she absolutely loves it. She's even getting comfortable enough putting her signature on them:

Alicia had resolved that she just only ever wants to write for fun. Cas wants to learn how to write. I want to actually dedicate time to learning how to draw, and eventually make comics Andrew wants to learn how to effectively write fanfiction as opposed to gripping, essay-like nonfiction - and as a group we want to learn how to write a properly non-linear narrative that actually reflects some of the mental health work we've done in the past 4 years since Alex broke through their denial barrier.

Rest and making art. Those are the two things that have kept us going since Feb 2023. We started with putting together puzzles. We moved on to learning minor video editing skills. We became entrenched in tarot / Oracle reading as a way to connect with parts that we struggled communicating with. We wrote - multiple different story ideas, many of them abandoned partway through, others finished (including a 150k fanfic we wrote of a creative work we share with our best friend).

We picked up painting. Diamond painting. We bought a refurbished iPad and apple pencil so we could learn how to use procreate. But even learning is work. Learning is exhausting and requires energy and sometimes we don't have that.

And that's okay. Learning that one doesn't have to be productive every second of every day was just as important as learning to listen to our body when it's hungry or thirsty or needs a break.

Capitalism and consumerism have taught us that we need to produce produce produce - even those of us who make art. Update TikTok however many times a day. Post something on Instagram everyday. Engage engage engage instead of unplugging and just existing and resting.

Unlearning all of that takes time. Learning who you are without constantly worrying whether you're conforming with the rest of society is TOUGH. There are pieces of you that you have come to rely on that aren't actually yours.

Idk. I've had a month of sitting and writing and sleeping and playing phone games etc while I didn't have to parent, as our child was on the other side of the country with our ex-wife. It was an intense month, because there were things we could allow ourselves to do that we can't necessarily do when we have a child we have to take care of as well.

He comes home today and I am excited to see him. I also feel ready to get him through his summer program and get him ready for high school (he's also autistic - no surprises there).

We're ready.

And yet there's still more work we have to do on ourselves - and that's okay. We'll do it at the pace we set, that feels right for us. Do I know how long this will take?

No.

Nor do I care to know, tbh. I just never want to reach burnout ever fucking again. I don't want to see Cas hit it ever again; he may technically also be me but I love the hell out of him, and it's always devastating when the sunshiniest of all of us doesn't want to exist on this plane of existence anymore. I don't want any part of our System to ever hit it, ever again.

I'm not sure if we'll be successful at that, but we're certainly going to try. It's taken 17ish months to figure out what we felt comfortable doing as a group to bring in money again - and honestly, I don't expect us to ever finish doing this internal work. There will be new things that happen that throw us off or an angle of something we didn't see before until the trauma is dug up again.

And that's okay. It...really is okay.

[laerien]

Redownloaded this app out of pure impulse. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

In truth, I'm navigating through a hell of a shame complex, and I've come up with every excuse over the past fifteen years to not let myself heal. I'm willing to bet this isn't a rare occurrence for other children who felt most alive submerging themselves in fictional universes to make up for the lack of pivotal human connection based in reality. I added to the criticism of mega fans and "tumblr girls" because I thought it would clear my name in the eyes of people I wanted to impress (which, in reality, at my lowest, was basically anyone). I bathed in the criticism until it became part of my subconscious, so when I would inevitably open an Incognito Google tab to binge breathtaking fanfiction or incredible fan art like the depraved child/teenager/adult I was (which was so much of my own twisted doing), I stalled out.

The cycle of letting these preconceived notions inform (taint) my view of things I genuinely enjoyed continues, but I'm actively trying to heal now. I'm recently going through a long term breakup that encompassed my entire adulthood years, and I've been nothing short of forced to get to know myself again. The person I'm relearning really wants to share her love for fandoms without filtering her enthusiasm for the sake of who she think may accept her.

So I've spent the past several months leaning into that, but I'll admit I've got a long way to go. I've caught up on so many animated Star Wars shows, for example, that I've put off because of my venomous preconceived notions (and an ex who claimed to be a fan but, like many things in our failed relationship, didn't match actions to words). I've started commenting on AO3 works that are fucking incredible without the fear that someone in reality will find out my psued and call me out (though, I admit, I still use Incognito mode because I'm not quite ready to defend myself in the imaginary court room that makes complete sense in my head). I started drawing fan art that I'm pretty damn proud of (but still working my way to sharing it). And I restarted writing - mostly character studies and explorations of grief and love and life, but a nice nod to my unpublished Pearl Harbor fanfiction story (that I hand wrote a page a day for for 123 days straight when I was 14, then typed it all out, edited it, then made six alternate endings for, then changed names and made an original prequel story - something I clearly never revealed to anyone but look at me go!). I've also read a whole book in 4 days, something I haven't done since I started despising book reading due to the pressure of the academic system a decade ago. I could go on and on about it - and I probably will in another post - but Star Wars: Dark Disciple's depiction of the dark side is not unlike this shame complex I'm carrying on about. And, boy, do I love my eyes being opened like that.

So while I can't promise I'll stay long this time, this is something 14 year old me craved but could never admit. Like I said, I've got a lot to work on (I logged in and saw an unread message from 2017 from someone I went to college with and immediately blocked them in fear of them - who I haven't spoken to in years and has been nothing but kind and supportive of my fandoms - calling me out, I guess?). But I want to celebrate how wonderful these fictional worlds are with people, so I've got to get over this fear that I'd be found out and taken away from it forever.

I've got so many incredible people on the internet to thank, and I plan to. I've found comfort at my lowest points over the past decade and a half because others had the courage I had lacked: to share their feelings. Sounds silly put that simply, but what's wrong with that?

[brokeenen]

“Let’s Say All the P Names” by Orebanana || ENGLISH【552  (+14) People】

Lyricist’s Notes:

I have the notes at the top so that I don’t forget to include details. You can skip to the dividing line below if you’re not interested and want to get to the meat of this TL.

Hi. In case you’re new, I’m Brokee. Call me Keenen if you’d like.

I had the idea to use this for an English cover involving Oliver & Cyber Diva.

But I don’t have any money to buy DIVA’s CD from Amazon, much less a computer that can run it.

This might be my best worst song I’ve ever had the “honor” of adapting to English. It took me a week to type this song by hand. I had to find time to do this. Time in my college classes, bus rides and interim between waiting for my parents to pick me up from class. I like typing, but this was a bit much.

Any asterisks (*) you see in the TL are part of the name. I’ll use Carets (^) to explain.

I added names to this list because I wanted to exceed the world record. The ones I added are bolded and underlined.

This English Translyric has a total of 【566 Names】 of Vocaloid Producers.

Background information of the song is below. (source link here)

2020 Edit: I only changed the title and fixed a lyricist note lol. This has been getting a bit of traction recently, which is strange considering how long ago I posted it. Thanks for the views! o/

B. A. Gabrielle (the translator) has changed her Twitter. Follow the new one.

[INTRO - Len] Yo, I know you all probably already know about a ton of Vocaloid songs, right? But, there's a lot of songs that you probably haven't heard or even know of! Vocaloid P or Producers' Names for you who don't know, have popularity as well. Let's begin the "Say all the P Names" challenge! Are you ready? Here we go!

[VERSE 1 - Rin] Akikan, Ohhoi, Naitei, Chouchou, Samuson, Raida, Kyokuhoku, Yuringo Kouhei Jimunope, Yuzuame, Sorairo, Ryosuke, Rento, Metaha, Nikoichi Korabaya, Nechogusha, Terumin, Hanaichi, Smile, Engawa, Hanagoe, Eroaki, Yogarasu, Oichan, Taburesu, Ryuunosu, bothneco, Ernie, Papopepu, Jounetsu Tsukino, Tamara, Chanagi, mmmbo, Gibbon, awk, fat, okota, 96crow, Akuno Crea, toya, mayuko, Senchashi, shiero, Zenradegitaadaiteneteta-P!

[Len] Laalaa, Yugo, Rusaruka, Shuujin, Hagoromo, Raimei, Nanahoshi, Enzetsu, Hassaku, Atatata, Tebukuro, Bokaomo, Oiran, Tadosuke, Low-Tech, Miraiha, Lentou, Basutee, Sottou, Tasogare, Itachima, Shioani, Yonsen, Mandara, Wenosuke, Umeboshi, Buttobi, Deokure, Hayakawa, Yamamaya, Jitabata, Kyuukon Nobira, Kibou, Utata, Hayaya, Yoshiya, Nanami, Mokeke, G@POPO, Fuwari, Akari Konori, Masami, SATCH, Akko, Ecchi, Matcho, Kontontsukaraa-P!

[Rin] Wankappu, Koppepan, Saraudon, Tomatoufu, Kokutou, Pocky Kakinotane, Aisuimo, Youguruto, Merontee, Chokopagenchou, [Len] Desuohagi, Orebanana, Apricot Rain, Potechihime, Chitasumatsuo, Shiwamikan, Kabipurin, Nehanshika Noriokure, [Both] Hikutsu-P!!

[CHORUS] We're gonna say. We're gonna say. Kagamine P-names - we're gonna say. We're gonna say. We're gonna say. Every P name - we're gonna say!

[Verse 2 - Rin] temporu, Susshi, Kogauta, Bunchou, Mainusu, IGASIO, Nyuusen, Hanabata, Bokatsuku, Chuuhai, Furenchi, Yakiimo, UNPUSY, Meisou, Rion, Enikusu, Yuunagi, Motetai, Kouraishiba, Shirokuro, Puuchin, Kaiware, Kasutama, Sasakure, Maeburi, LapiLapi, Oshiire, Rorotan, CALFO, mikuru396, Deetaa, Aruka, Honey, Mirror, Itaru, ceres, Ouji, Editor, Nogomi, Hanata, Kiddo, Kouchi,  Setsuna, Naopo, Boomerang-Pantsu-P!

[Len] Takakon, Tanpure, Kaeuta, Sakuripa, Anmaku, Teihen, Yomatsuri, Nosshioku, Iroshiki, Hiyorin, Ikarosu, Aamin, Space, Kashiore, 100s, Komagawa, Aohono, Futomomo, Yumemiru, Intaba, Yuuyami, Shiganaru, Tomochou, Toushahi, Reruriri, Enbun, Yandere, triona, Sumikko, Mataoma, Junky, Zasso, Igiari, Boffui, Kengai, Bitawan, Benishida, Seiun, Joy Maker, Ryuusei, Konoyaki, Nekusuto, Ajian, Shoushou, ehamiku, Ginsaku, Kurozumi, Rougoku, Nikuromu, Suzouri, Yell, Aru†Kana, Topaz, Kanimiso, Agemono, Renfuru, Keshigomu, Peperon, Piroriropi, Hyahhaa Satsuki ga Tenkomori!

[CHORUS]

[Verse 3 - Rin] Jitabata, Honobono, Mauaki, Ginrin, Rankyou, Daiendan, Tamagoboka, Kurousa, Kenshou, Hikki, Takkun Yananan, Shuuichi, Kosumin, Lamaze, TAKE3240, 00, Nauroma, Paprika, Sukumizu, cocoon, Fuuto, Nattoku, takanon, Boiler, Rabusawa, Bakuon, Exhaustion, Kurohyou, Gachirori, Yasuo, kouki, Isaku, Sakurya, Stain, Shuwai, Youta, Bunru, tsk, Matsuo, Denpa, Owata, m@rk, haiji, Ryokucha, Ice, Machigeriita-P!

[Len] Kannadzuki, Asatarou, Temporary, Sorenante, Multiplayer, Ouenuta, Renaissance, Love&, Kichiku Shota, Hinata Haruhana, [Rin] Stalker, Makushimasu, marcury, Teikuon, NaitsundeRin, Above Oblique,  Haitsuru. Mikunaru, Ann Melts, Musuka

[Len] Taka, Tochi, Natsu, Mag, Kuro, Guro, Haro, Hiro, Geru, Geri, [Rin] Yaa, Boku, Yutsu, Fei, Bare, Blue, Shin, Nami, pico, Puni, [Len] hapi=>, O, Shiri, Suke, Mazo, Niki, Uta, SaMa, Plow, sele, wara, {Rin] Nira, Giga, Moja, kal, Chaa, Shaku, maya, Koya, Reo, [Both] samfree!

[Verse 4 - Both] Fuzaitsuuchi, Mashu, Jakime, Red Card, Hoikourou, Seramyu, Kuensan, Nagatsukishurin, K.M, Rampage, Prophet, Captain Future, Clavier, Ketora, Soramimi, Ikkou, Galaxy, sansui, Cocoa Cigarette, Nice Kinki, Yucha, Nantoka, ◆◆◆◆◆^, Monotone,

Hotomoto, yatsu, yanagi, Basue, kous, Seizu, Tsurishi, Valentine, Hatepotepuu, Fujishiro Kanae

^ pronounced "Diamond"

[Len] Kurisutaru, Susshi, Itokawa, snowy*, Eccentric, Bucchigiri, River, ROY, Tom,

[Rin] Paipan, Pantan, Chiyahoya, Tsuyatsuya, Mowamowa, Awaawa, Zawazawa, Powapowa, muhmue, Petapeta, Nurunuru, Sorosoro, Fukafuka, Hoihoi, Mosomoso, Puchipuchi, Tsurutsuru, Sakusaku, Soisoi, Tenten, Tennen, Toraboruta,

[Len] Rozenkruez, Chiku, Pando List, Fuyusa, Pantsu, Nori, Konpu, Mizere, Live, Zouni, Ikikiro, Ubu, Maria, Yourujo, Ehehe, Tohoho, Rerere, Sasasa, Sososo, Nonono, Cheetah Girl, Red Doctor, Qes

[Rin] Kihirohito, Original, Kokosemai, Cedar People, Four Dimensional, Banrino Snuffkin, 3-jiken^^, Suzunosuke, I'm Working, KIT-san,

[Len] Terawosaru, Minamimuki, Donfurai, Katahotori, Yunimemo, Kosoado,

[Both] Bacon, Lencon, Siscon, Buranko, Hitsumabu, Shibashon!

[Verse 5 - Both] Kagikko, Kurafuto, Karaage, HiroRin Chousoku, Kotsuban, Warezu, Heichou, Ransuu, Nantoka, Siblings, Usamaru, Assamu, Mukiryoku, Hitoshizuku, Yuuzaa^^^, Yuzuriha, Tetsubun, GonGoss, Dokodoko, Tenkou, Gokuaku, Candy Kimidori, Tanaka, Asunaro, Gomaae 83, Chioware, AEGIS, Negapoji, Black, Shu-t, Pikmin, Vocapela, Black and White, Daisuke, Negibue, Cap Wing, Parecki, Crusher, Amedama, Half-Done, Ashitano, Riito, Megaren, Saitou, Opanku, Fuwashina, Muuto, Koneko, Nagatomikuru, Nanka, Masuda, Rain Road, Tama, Gobou, Scourer, Nogisubouru, Kaminonenbutsu!

^^ pronounced "san-jiken" ^^^ pronounced "user"

[Bridge - Len] Bono, Salmon, Asatarou, tatii, oORaikaOo, Ichi, Mau, Sus, Jesus, My God,

[Rin] Kurage, Eyeris, Circus, 

[Len] Nike, Hotto, Yumegu, UTABanni, Distortion, Nio, Mado, Bino, Meni, Frustration, Yamika, Medama

[Verse 6 - Both] Romipo, SOU, P-chan, Karasuyasabou, Niito, Nata, Saitamanisuto, Tera Areole Toukou, Yumikaze, Spring Roll, Chie, Understanding the Right Surrealism, Cillia, An, En Shimamura Hideyuki, Intaba, Taikyou, Nishizawa-san, Migimacchi, Carnival, Cherico Ramune, Ringo, Rin, Hira, Kea, 7, Sho, Yowane, ke-ji, maretu, Bocchi, pinocchio, wowaka, deco*27^^^^, Air Rider

^^^^ pronounced (deco nii-na)

[Chorus 2 - Both] We said them all? We said them all? Everybody's P name - we said them all? We said them all? We said them all? All of the P names, Kagamine P names, Everybody's P names,

See, we said them all!!

[Ending - Rin]

Wait... we didn't say "all"? We actually forgot loads of people to put in, you see?

t('^')t

English Translation: 2briacityTranslation / B.A. Gabrielle (Her Twitter) (Song Translation Here)

My Twitter: HERE.

Next Lyric: Lewd.

Expect sporadic posts all month long as I force myself to write 7-ish more songs because I’m a hipster who doesn’t want to do the popular ones and make sure that I don’t step into octosan‘s territory. 

[nightswithkookmin]

JIKOOK IS WILD'N BEHIND SUGA- AGAIN

It's official, Jikook don lost their minds- or they is madly in love- whatever y'all kids call it these days. Chilee, can't even tell the difference any more at this point. Sigh. When I tell you Jikook is real. Please Jikook is real.

Remember the thing they used to do behind suga in interviews when they were teens? Holding hands behind Suga and what not? They. Are. Still. Doing. It. Again. In. 2020. y'all

I can't with their asses.

I've said this before, I don't do these kinds of analysis- video analysis I mean. I literally can't do it. Lol. If I could I would. Y'all don't know how many days it's taken me to work this simple video edit. And even that I still had to solicit the help of my bestie- I'm starting to think she's more delusional than I am at this point. Lol. Bless her.

Anywho, we went through all that trouble falling on the video editing skills we don't have- well I don't have, I think she did great; not because of Jikook sneaky ass holding hands behind unsuspecting Suga in the the dynamite MV shooting sketch video- which Suga, It's been seven years and you still don't know what goes on between Jikook behind your back?? Jikook are smooth criminals but I'm starting to think Suga in on this. Smirk.

Suga is an accomplice y'all. Enabling these shenanigans as if he don't know. He knows!

Since my last post on VMinKookJoon's tensions, where I talked briefly about the subtle tensions that I've been noticing between Tae and JK throughout this year, it's come to my attention that Tuktukkers are running around the internet claiming the tension between V and Kook, in one of the clips I pointed out, had been because JK had been mad and Jealous over Jin wrapping his hands around Tae...

I respect their hustle. I really do. Plus, I don't like to meddle in other people's delusions- it brings me no joy whatsoever.

But...

Jk wasn't jealous over Tae shit- In my humble opinion. Was he mad at Tae? Yes. Did Tae notice JK was mad at him and hence drew a sad face? Yes he did. The video evidence is there. All of that happened.

If you've not seen the moment I am talking about please check my previous post to see what I'm talking about. I said I was going to delete it- well I lied. Lol.

The tension between Kook and Tae in that Dynamite Shoot Sketch wasn't because JK was jealous that Tae and Jin were flirting and playing around behind him, it was because Tae had almost accidentally exposed Jikook flirting behind Suga- Something, I assume JK thought V had done on purpose. Hear me out.

Tae was sad because, he genuinely didn't intend to pull on JK's shoulder the way he did causing JK to toggle slightly away from Suga- I wish I could show you this in a video analysis. This is frustrating! But I suck at tech stuff. Ugh!!!

What had happened was:

At the start of that scene, Jimin it seemed wanted to be close to JK- by close I mean he wanted to touch up on JK, feel up on him, kiss up on him, love up on him, hold him, slow dance with him, make love to him- Uno, horny grown up couple stuff. Lol.

Don't mind me.

I don't know what was going through his head in that moment but clearly he was craving some form of physical connection from JK hence why he initiated that contact.

You could see the progression of them drawing closer and closer to eachother, trapping Suga in between them.

Listen, JM is scary when he is high on adrenaline! That's when he starts rubbing JK's thighs and foot and- sweet lord he is wild. Chileeee!

He placed his hand in his pockets and pushed his body against Suga's but once he does that he takes his hand out and tugs on JK's arm or something- smooth criminal this one.

JK noticed what JM was up to so he did the same thing- pushed his body against Suga and held JM's hand. Then there was a cut.

It's hard to spot except for that the two had ended up after the cut sandwiching Suga in between them. Had it not been for Tae that moment would have gone undetected.

Whatever they were doing behind Suga, it seemed Tae had clocked on. He turned his gaze in their direction briefly and looked away suspiciously- Tae... How that man is great at acting but sucks at hiding his feelings beats me. Lmho.

This is the same person y'all swear is hiding a relationship in BTS? He mustn't be feeling emotions for this person then. Chileee.

Dude glanced at JM and exchanged what I could only assume was a disapproving stare at JM in the process. I bet he wanted to scream, 'let's not hold hands behind our hyungs' in that moment. Lol.

I think JK noticed Tae glancing at whatever they were doing with their hands behind Suga but kept his cool- so Jikook, y'all did all of that with a straight face? Damn they slick!

Unfortunately, Jin pushed Tae- I don't know if that was by accident because Jin was just playing around with Tae. However, because Tae had his hand wrapped around JK, he had ended up dragging JK along with him- That's when the Taekook saga began. Lol.

I believe JK had assumed Tae had done that bit on purpose because as I've said it is part of Taekook's dynamics - Tae is constantly teasing and shading JK and even sometimes passive aggressively exposing Jikook's antics as seen in the dynamite MV reaction VLive.

Remember in their earlier dynamics, that moment when JK wanted JM to stand next to him but Tae was in the middle so he kept poking at Tae's ribs to move? And JM too was low key pulling on Tae's shirt to move at the same time but Tae deadass wouldn't move?

I'M DEAD🤣🤣🤣🤣

Tae is that friend! Chileee. I just love him to bits!

I think Jk found it ironic that Tae should place his hand over his shoulders when a few seconds ago he had attempted to separate him from his man which is why he had that look on his face when he glanced at Tae's hand on his shoulder.

Frankly that thing is something that I feel irks JK a lot. Not just when Tae does it, but when RM or Hobi or Suga or anyone else does it.

That's what most of these Jeonlous moments are about really, especially in recent times.

For example, him elbowing RM to get his hands off Jimin in their recent Home performance wasn't because he was jealous. It's more so he was annoyed. If you paid attention to the 'fan service' bit Jikook did in the bedroom scene it's clear they had been given a talking to- to keep things PG, just as RM had indicated in JK's bdae VLive when he said they had all agreed before filming not to do and say certain things.

I could see then why it would irritate JK if anyone else would freely do skinship with JM but then censor him if he tried to do it with Jimin too- know what I mean?

Most of these 'jeonlous' moments are just JK basically saying, let's all be held to the same standards- if I can't do this with Jimin, atatatatatat, neither can y'all.

Gotta keep the same energy.

This is what I mean by stress. You can hide a relationship but you can't hide the stress that comes with keeping that relationship a secret. These kinds of tensions are bound to arise as a result of keeping Jikook a secret.

I mean there is a reason Jikook try so hard not to look like a secret. There is a reason they play off some of their interactions as 'fanservice'. They do that to take the edge off because keeping secrets is hard.

And so when you look at that moment, and you see how freely TaeJin were 'flirting' and having fun openly, but JK and JM had to sneak behind Suga's back to have a moment; and to have Tae pull on JK like that- I get why JK would be triggered. But honestly Tae didn't do it on purpose. Not this time around. Lol

Chileee, JK! You scare me! Lmho. He out here scaring people for no reason! Had Tae looking like he about to call Jimin to arrange a heart to heart meeting with Kook again. Chileeee.

It broke my heart watching that bit because Tae honestly didn't do that bit on purpose. I can vouch for him, JK. It is why Tae had that look on his face. He hadn't intended that bit.

This does not mean however that each time or all the times that Jk has pulled away from Tae when Tae has tried to hold his hands or do certain things with him like in all the times I've mentioned or during the recent On:e concert, that it's because he felt V was trying to sabotage his moments. That's a silly thought.

I can pull out a list of all the times there's been tensions between those two especially this year and I can tell you only a hand full of those moments have anything to do with JK's relationship with JM.

Some are about him trying to enforce his personal boundaries which he does with all the members as well, among other things.

Taekook have their own issues going on which has nothing to do with JM. Whatever falling out they had had in the past, Tae has been really trying to rebuild their connection- they both have been putting in the effort and I hope they can fix things and go back to the way that they were before because I kinda miss the old them. Sigh.

Anywho, when JM noticed what had happened- that Tae had pulled on JK's shoulder , I think he too thought Tae had done that bit on purpose. He dropped his hand from Hobi's shoulder and composed himself. I think he tried to take his hands down but JK wouldn't let go of his hand. Lol.

So when the music started playing and they were all dancing, JK and JM were the only once dancing with Just one hand each and you could see JM's shoulder inches away from Suga- Yoonminers I see you. I love y'all but JM wasn't holding Suga's waist. Don't get any ideas. Lol.

When they started moving away at the end of the video, that's when you can clearly see JM's hand drop down from behind Suga.

Listen, Jikook are smooth criminals but they ain't slick. They tried it. All that body pressed up against Suga, chilee I thought they were going to crash that man.

Jikook have been pretty sneaky this comeback. For good reason I guess. Jk throwing the boy with love sign at JM after JM kicked him during the second day concert, and this moment right here amongst others so far are my favorite.

I love it here.

Please go watch the original footage for yourself and draw your own conclusions.

My conclusion is, 'Jikook gay, Jikook married' Jikook is real, keep supporting them.

Signed,

GOLDY

[iam93percentstardust]

I'm bombarding you with those prompts, so I fully understand if you just ignore all those you don't like, lol. Would WinterIronFalcon be an OT3 you're intrested in writing? Some established WinterFalcon with Tony pining helplessly after them, not believeing he could have a chance? With a dash of angst in it? Thank you ♡

There isn’t much angst in this but there is hopeless pining so yay?

Also on ao3 here

~

“Share Bear, it’s not fair,” Tony whines into the phone.

“What isn’t?” his cousin asks, sounding patient but also kind of amused. He takes the phone away from his ear and squints at it. Is she making fun of him? She probably is, Sharon always makes fun of him. She’s mean like that; he’s pretty sure she gets it from Natasha.

“They’re so fucking gorgeous, I can’t stand it.”

“Oh. Them again. Seriously Tony, didn’t you used to have better taste?”

“Excuse you,” he says, offended. “My taste is perfect.”

“They think arguing is foreplay.”

“It’s bickering! And it’s cute!”

“Gross,” Sharon says cheerfully.

“God hates me,” Tony says dramatically, flinging his hand over his eyes. “That’s why he cursed me to work with two such beautiful humans who are already dating each other.”

“Tony—”

“I know Bucky stays up to date with the fandom,” he continues, going a little quieter. “He’s gotta know that tons of people ship the three of us. But he doesn’t say anything about it. Share Bear, why doesn’t he say anything?”

“Probably because for every person who ships all three of you, there’s twice as many who ship just you and him,” she admits. “I know that if someone were shipping Maria and Nat and ignoring that I even exist, I’d be pretty upset.”

“Yeah,” he says glumly.

“What’re you filming today anyway?” she asks.

“True Crime. We were supposed to be doing an episode of Supernatural at the Odinson Mystery House, you know, over in Norway where the son found out he was adopted and then got super into Norse mythology and supposedly disappeared into a rainbow?”

“Oh yeah, that guy was crazy.”

“Wasn’t,” Tony insist stubbornly. “There are three different eyewitnesses and they all saw the same thing.”

“All three eyewitnesses tested positive for meth.”

“It was trace amounts and ruled irrelevant to the case. Anyway, there’s some sort of blizzard so our flight got canceled. We figured we’d get a jump on this season’s True Crime episodes instead.”

“What are you doing this week?”

He scowls into the phone. “Fandom episode. They voted for Captain America.”

He can practically hear Sharon wince. “I’m sorry. That fucking sucks.”

“Yeah,” he agrees, not least because both of them know exactly what happened to Captain America. He was recovered from the Arctic back in the 50s and went on to live a very happy and fulfilling life with Aunt Peggy. But that’s a very closely guarded state secret; the U.S. government can’t let it get out that Steve Rogers survived nearly a decade in the ice. Technically, Tony and Sharon aren’t even supposed to know but Aunt Peggy had insisted she be allowed to tell them after she took custody of Sharon and Tony moved out of Howard’s and into her home. It’s kind of cool actually, knowing that Uncle Steve is really Captain America. He’s a pretty great guy. It just kind of sucks that he can’t tell anyone about it and now he has to do a whole episode about it when everyone knows he’s a shitty liar.

He’d talked it over with Uncle Steve and Aunt Peggy when the results of the vote had first come in. Aunt Peggy’s advice had been to act more manic than usual, throw even more outlandish theories into the mix, and really make this episode about the banter between him and Bucky. “Direct their attention away from Steve,” she’d said. “They’re already going to be looking at you. Just make sure they’re doing it for the wrong reason.”

He kind of wants to kiss Bucky. That would definitely draw attention away from the episode. But that’s not fair to either Bucky or Sam, who are very happy with their relationship and don’t need a homewrecker like Tony throwing a spanner into the mix.

“Good luck,” Sharon tells him before they hang up. “You’re gonna need it.”

“Wow, thanks,” he mutters but she’s already gone.

~

Marvels Unsolved was never supposed to be this popular. It started off as a novelty webseries about Tony trying to convince Bucky about the existence of the supernatural—he firmly believed that if science could turn Uncle Steve from an actual shrimp to the god of muscles, then magic had to be out there—and then they’d started talking about an unsolved crime from the early 20th century after filming an episode one day, forgetting that the camera was still rolling, and had ended up with enough footage to make a second episode about real crimes. They had stayed pretty unknown throughout that first season but then true crime podcasts had exploded in popularity and Unsolved along with them.

Now they have a fandom and merchandise and actual fanfiction written about them, which is the craziest thing. They both have several often-quoted gifs floating around the Internet and Bucky has somehow become the poster child for being unimpressed by literally everything (he actually makes some of the best faces when something genuinely scary happens but they always end up editing those parts out—he has an image to maintain after all).

They brought Sam on once they started gaining in popularity. Tony, by that point, already had a pretty well-established crush on Bucky. He’d even thought that he had a chance with his co-host, small as it may be, and at first, it hadn’t seemed like Sam was going to change anything. He and Bucky argued all the time so Tony had been absolutely stunned when he’d stumbled upon them making out like it was the end of the world.

They had just finished filming their second season. Sam had suggested going out to a local bar. He’d suggested it for all three of them but Tony had, inexplicably, felt like a third wheel all night as Sam and Bucky bickered. At one point, Sam had disappeared off to the restroom and a couple minutes later, Bucky had followed him. Tony doesn’t know how long he had sat there waiting for them but he’d eventually gone looking for them only to find Sam pressing Bucky up against a wall.

And that had been that.

Three years later, Sam and Bucky are still going strong, Tony is as smitten with Sam as he is with Bucky despite knowing how hopeless both crushes are, and the fandom seems convinced to either write Sam out of Tony and Bucky’s relationship or write Tony into Sam and Bucky’s. He wishes they would stop. He stays pretty up to date with the fandom as well and they have all these meta posts about the way Bucky looks at him or something. It just keeps giving him hope but, well, it’s been three years. If Bucky wanted him, or if Sam did for that matter, they would have done something long ago.

~

“Hey, you doing okay?” Sam asks him as they’re setting up.

“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?” He avoids meeting Sam’s eyes, focusing instead on adding creamer to the coffee. Marvels had presented them with these mugs last year to congratulate them on four years of Unsolved. They’ve got their most iconic quotes printed on them, Bucky’s with “Obviously I killed JFK” and Tony’s with “I’m the dramatic bitch your mom warned you about.” Sam has one too with his one and only line in the entire show printed on it (“Why did I agree to work with you?”) but since he’s always behind the camera, he doesn’t have to use the same mug for each episode.

“You just seem a little off.” The worst part is that Sam genuinely looks concerned. If they didn’t care about him, he thinks his crush might be easier to manage but they do because they’re just nice guys like that. “I know you weren’t too thrilled when we announced this week’s case.”

“Howard worked with him, practically hero-worshipped the damn guy. Of course, I’m not excited.”

Sam winces. They know all about Tony’s shitty relationship with Howard after his dad called Marvels furious that his son was hosting a webseries instead of coming home to grovel at his feet and take over the business. The whole team had been brought in to listen as Fury tried to placate him. By the end, Bucky had been furious on Tony’s behalf and Sam had berated Fury for twenty minutes for making Tony listen to the vitriol his dad had spewed. It had cemented his crush on Sam, then just a passing fancy, into something real and permanent.

“Seriously, Sam, I’m fine. Might be a little off today but I would have said if I didn’t think I could do it.”

Sam doesn’t look convinced but he agrees anyway. Tony sits down next to Bucky and passes him his mug. Bucky shoots him a grin and murmurs, “Thanks, doll.”

Tony doesn’t blush but that’s only because he has five years of practice. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots Sam counting them down and he turns to face the camera, settling his hands in front of him.

“This week on Marvels Unsolved True Crime and in celebration of our 100th episode,” he begins, “we asked you what you’d like us to investigate and you came back—”

“—overwhelmingly,” Bucky interjects.

“Many, many times,” Tony agrees, “with a topic near and dear to my own heart: Captain America.”

“That’s right,” Bucky says, sounding surprised though Bucky had been the first to point out that maybe they shouldn’t do this episode because of Tony’s connections to Project Rebirth. “Your dad helped turn Steve Rogers into Captain America, didn’t he?”

“And he never let me forget it!” Tony says cheerfully.

“One hundred episodes,” Bucky says slowly, enunciating each word. “Can you believe that, doll?”

Sometimes, he wonders why the fans ship them when Sam is right there. Other times, Bucky says things like this and he understands completely.

“Not even a little bit, Bucky Babe.” Okay, so maybe he doesn’t help.

“One hundred. The big one zero zero.”

“We tried to do something extra special and get Sam in front of the camera for you guys—”

“—so you could see what a hunk he is—”

“—but Sam said that he didn’t trust anyone else to film us properly—”

“—which makes sense because Tony? If you put him in the wrong light, he’s practically a gremlin—”

“Hey!”

“I’m just telling the facts.”

“Well, the facts are wrong.”

“They’re facts, sweet thing, they can’t be wrong.”

“Can too. Anyway, since Sam refuses to join us—”

“—and that just breaks my heart because Sam, he’s one of my favorite guys, you know?”

Tony pauses. It’s not like Bucky to say anything nice about Sam. Usually, it’s all good-natured insults and bickering. He must really be fed up with the Starkbucks shippers to say something like this when they’re still this early in the show.

“Only one of?” he asks curiously.

Bucky shoots him one of those filthy grins that their audience loves so much. “Well, it’s hard not to include you on that list,” he drawls.

He’s not going to blush.

He’s not going to blush.

He’s not going to—

Damn it.

Whatever. It’s no big deal, that’s what editing is for. So what if Sam has never edited out one of Tony’s blushes yet? Maybe Tony will get lucky and he will this time.

“You know, I was actually named for Captain America’s sidekick?” Bucky asks, getting them back on track.

“Wow, that is deeply unfortunate,” Tony deadpans.

“Yeah, Dad’s a fanboy. His whole troop was pinned down and rescued by the two of them. He tells the story all the time—kind of like your dad.”

“Except my dad goes straight past into fanboy and directly into obsession territory.”

“…Fair enough.”

“Really? That’s all you’re going to say?”

Bucky shrugs and takes a sip out of his mug. “I’ve been inside your house. I’ve seen the Steve Rogers shrine. I’m not going to argue with you.”

Tony thinks about that for a moment. “It is kind of a shrine, isn’t it? Anyway, we’ve got some great stuff for you today. We’re going to crack open this cold case, show you some never-before-seen footage courtesy of my mom sneaking my dad’s old war tapes out of the mansion, and then we’ll talk a little bit about the theories out there.”

“How many of them are going to be ridiculously outlandish and physically impossible?”

Tony glares at him. “None of them. I have never once presented a ridiculously outlandish and physically impossible theory.”

“Right because alien abduction is a valid—”

“Aliens are real!”

“You said that crabs might have eaten Amelia Earheart!” Bucky shouts over him.

“It’s a valid theory!”

“I take it back, you’re not one of my favorite people anymore.”

“That really hurts me, deep inside,” Tony says sarcastically, trying to cover up that maybe that does send a small pang shooting through his chest. He likes the thought of being one of Bucky’s favorite people. He doesn’t want to lose that.

“How deep?” Bucky asks and winks.

“Very deep. Way, way deep down. Practically in my—”

Bucky’s eyes widen and he nearly chokes on his coffee. “Okay, that’s enough of that. Let’s get into the facts.”

“Hey, that’s my line!”

~

“With a missing plane and pilot and so much redaction in the files, we’re lucky to even have a name, let’s get into the theories.”

“Actually, wait, before we do that,” Bucky says, “I want to ask if you’ve ever noticed that your voice changes when you’re doing the voiceovers.”

“Wait, what?” Tony asks. He glances at him, to one of the cameras, then back to Bucky. “What do you mean?”

“You know, it gets all deeper like you’re trying to voice movie trailers or something.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“Sure it does.”

Tony shakes his head. “There’s no way.”

They both turn toward Sam, who thinks about it and then makes a ‘sort of’ motion with his hand.

“Told you!” Bucky says triumphantly.

“You’re such a child,” Tony sneers.

“Yeah, that’s why you like working with me so much.”

Behind the camera, Sam silently snickers and Tony glares at him before telling the camera, “If you’re watching, let us know in the comments. Is my apparent movie trailer voice okay or does it need to go like Bucky clearly thinks?”

Bucky goes paler. “Hey, wait, I didn’t say it had to go.”

“It was implied when you brought it up,” he argues.

“No!” Bucky insists. “I was just wondering if it was on purpose.”

They both turn toward Sam, who thinks about it and then makes a ‘sort of’ motion with his hand.

“Aha!” Tony says triumphantly.

“Traitor,” Bucky mutters into his coffee.

Sam signs, “I’ll make it up to you when we get home tonight.”

“And that was more than I ever wanted to learn about Sam and Bucky’s love life,” Tony lies through his teeth. “Let’s get into the theories. I only have two for you today, one of which I think Bucky will particularly like.”

“Oh no.”

“Our first theory is that Steve Rogers died in a plane crash on December 16, 1944. Winter months in the Arctic are known to be particularly stormy. There would have been low visibility due to the high latitude and time of year and with the waters and surrounding land being well below freezing, it’s possible that, even if Captain Rogers survived the impact, he would have frozen to death in the stormy seas.”

Bucky thinks about it for a second. “Yeah, that seems plausible.”

“In addition, Howard Stark, a known Captain America aficionado and the father of Marvels Unsolved’s best host—”

“You lie like a rug!” Bucky howls.

Tony snickers and then when Sam signs, “He’s really not,” bursts out into full-out laughter.

Once he’s recovered, he continues, “Howard Stark has spent the first fifty years after the crash of the Valkyrie and the last twenty funding searches in the Arctic in the hopes of recovering Captain Rogers’ body. He has found no evidence that Captain Rogers survived the crash although he did find part of the remains of the Valkyrie and has since stated that, ‘No human could have survived that crash.’”

The expeditions are a scam and have been since Howard first found the Valkyrie crash site and Uncle Steve along with it. He hadn’t been planning on continuing the expeditions—too costly, as he claims—but when Aunt Peggy had told him that Uncle Steve’s survival had to remain a secret, he’d kept them up for pretense’s sake.

Bucky is saying something about how it sucks that the first superhero is gone and when he finishes, Tony grins and says, “Then you’ll like our second theory.”

“Somehow, every time you say that, I end up completely hating it. Wonder why that is.”

“Our second theory is that Steve Rogers survived the crash and is still alive but cryogenically frozen in the ice. There—”

“Bullshit!”

Tony starts laughing but he tries to continue on over Bucky shouting that it’s complete nonsense. It’s hard and he knows that Sam will probably have to do some editing and maybe make Tony do some voiceover work in order to make the theory audible but he thinks he manages to do a pretty good job.

Bucky is pouting by the end of it, arms crossed over his chest. “What fucking bullshit,” he mutters.

“The supersoldier serum—” Tony starts to point out.

“Isn’t a miracle drug.”

“That’s exactly what it is.”

“No, it just made him big and strong. It doesn’t just magically keep people alive when they should have died.”

And then they’re off into familiar territory, arguing about the merits of either theory. Tony’s actually feeling pretty good about himself, convinced that he’s doing a decent job of steering the conversation away of anything classified, right up until Bucky says, about halfway through the episode, “I’m surprised at you, Tony.”

He wrinkles his nose. “Surprised?”

“Usually, you have some absolutely batshit, off-the-walls crazy theory but these have actually been pretty normal for you.” He pauses and then adds for effect, “And you’re usually much better at your research than this.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh come on, even I know that there’s one more theory.”

He starts tapping at his chest nervously, almost wishing that he had a pair of sunglasses. Aunt Peggy always said that his lies are in his eyes, that they’re too expressive to hide the truth. When he was living with Howard, in the spotlight, he always had a pair of sunglasses to hide his eyes but he hasn’t wanted to use those since he moved out. He wishes he had them now.

“And what’s that?” he asks, feigning a casualness he doesn’t feel.

“That Steve Rogers lived and came out of the ice at some point and has been living out his life in anonymity.”

He barks out a nervous laugh. “I didn’t mention it because even I know that that theory is completely impossible.”

“Hasn’t stopped you before.” Sam nods agreeably. Bucky nods back at him and adds, “Even Sam agrees with me.”

“He’s your boyfriend, he’s practically required to.”

Both Sam and Bucky laugh at that one and yeah, okay, it was a pretty ridiculous statement. Anyone who knows them knows that being boyfriends is less likely to make them agree with each other.

“Look, Steve Rogers didn’t come out of the ice alive. Howard would have known for one thing and if you think, he could keep something like that quiet, then you don’t know him very well.”

“Maybe the government insisted it be a secret,” Bucky suggests, shrugging. “There have been plenty of people who have claimed over the last couple decades to be Captain America.”

Tony scoffs. “Oh come on, by that logic, anyone could be Captain America.”

“Maybe they could be.”

“No,” Tony says flatly. “It’s like that crazy conspiracy theory guy over on Reddit who’s convinced that Bruce Wayne is Batman.”

“Maybe Bruce Wayne is Batman.”

“Ooh do the butts match?” Tony says mockingly. “I mean, really, Bucky Babe, if we’re going off of lookalikes, then my fucking Uncle Steve is secretly really Steve Rogers, which is ridiculous because the guy’s like practically ancient and faints at the sight of blood in PG-13 movies.”

That sets off another round of arguing that lasts the rest of the episode until finally Tony wraps it up with, “Whether Steve Rogers died in 1944 or is still alive today is a mystery that will remain unsolved.”

They both pause for a moment to provide time for Sam to edit in the theme music and closing title. Usually, there would be some lighthearted bantering afterwards, maybe a joke about something they said earlier in the show. This time though, Bucky says thoughtfully, “The thing is, though, I’ve met your Uncle Steve—”

Tony goes cold.

“—and he really does kind of look like—”

Tony panics. That’s the only explanation that he has for declaring, “I’m done waiting,” reaching across the tables and grabbing hold of Bucky’s shirt, and yanking him forward to kiss him.

For a moment, Bucky is too startled to do anything but then he melts into Tony, mouth opening under his, tongue pushing forward to meet his. Bucky’s arms come around him, pulling him up and out of his chair and settling him into his lap. Tony makes a small greedy sound, swallowed by Bucky’s kiss, and then they’re both pulling away. Bucky’s lips are very red; Tony can’t stop staring at them even as he’s filled with dismay.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I shouldn’t have—”

“Why not?” Bucky demands.

“You—Sam—” He glances toward the camera but Sam isn’t standing there anymore. His heart drops into his stomach—has he just ruined Bucky and Sam’s relationship? But then he hears someone drop to their knees behind him and when he turns slightly, Sam’s fingers are on his chin, gently turning his head.

“How long?” Sam asks.

“How long what?”

“How long have we been wasting our time when we could have been kissing you instead?”

Three years, two months, and fifteen days. “Too long.”

Sam kisses him then, mouth gentler than Bucky’s but no less consuming. Bucky is a hard, hot line against his front; Sam is warm against his back and Tony? Tony loses himself in the storm that is the two of them, sparks shooting through him as Bucky’s hands find their way to his hips, as Sam’s tongue slips into his mouth, as Bucky whispers into his ear, “We’re not wasting any more time.”

~

Marvels Unsolved’s 100th episode shoots to their most watched, most liked video in less than a day and when asked, maybe the smallest handful of viewers could have said what it was about.

The day after it posts, only a week after it was filmed, Tony’s phone rings.

“Kill it with fire,” Sam says sleepily.

Tony, however, recognizes Aunt Peggy’s ringtone and he rolls over to grab it before Bucky can throw it at the wall. “Hello?” he asks groggily.

“Congratulations on not blowing Steve’s cover,” she says.

“Oh yeah,” Tony mutters. “Can I go back to bed now?”

“One more thing, duck.”

“What’s that?”

“Congratulations on the new boyfriends.”

[werehamburglar]

The anon that sent the long message here again (with another big message too!): I didn't see that post that you said the OP was probably referring to, my bad. Still, they're being extremely aphobic (ironic, huh?) accusing a literal ace/aro person of being an aphobe, especially when looking at your blog for more than a few minutes, it's CLEAR that you are 100% pro-ace / pro-aro.

I would honestly block that person, they seem a little too... unstable? That doesn't feel like the right word because I'm genuinely not trying to insult them. Like I think they fell into the discourse crowd and went to the extremist side of "if it looks like it's supporting shitty people/statements then context is completely unnecessary, they're guilty call them out now". Which has gotten plenty of minorities bullied off of here by "allies" with discourse blogs not checking their sources or information.

They're not worth your time, or your emotions. They're a stranger in a sea of strangers. Block them, and anyone who seems to have appeared through them. Those extremists pockets aren't very big and often never have actual reach, so it'll die with their blogs whenever they grow up and mature.

Lastly -- I would contact your professor and let them know what happened with the internet being down. Especially if this is college. Practically any instructor will brush off any deduction for being little late if it was caused by something out of your control, especially if it doesn't happen often and you make sure to communicate. That's what most instructors (and people in general!) want -- just communication.

i just got to this, sorry.

1. Yeah, I... I don't know. My discourse blog is specifically for being a little shit. And if you look at the rest of the conversation that happened there (on that post), it should be very clear that that's what was happening. Contrasted with my posts on main and my more genuine posts on that blog, I don't know? I genuinely don't know. I don't get it.

2. I don't have to worry about blocking her because she has already blocked me. (She also apparently marked me red on shinigami eyes, which is... wild, because I don't know what I did that was transphobic and nobody has told me yet.)

3. I've already updated my bio to reflect what I'm going to be doing. I'm just going to be on less, for my own sanctity of mind.

4. I did tell my professor what was up, actually! God, I hope she's understanding about my connection issues. On the bright side, I'm done with this semester of college! So there's something silver in this dark cloud. I just have to clean up my dorm and move out.

5. Obviously you shouldn't, like, platform TERFs, especially on your main blog, and I'm sorry about that post I reblogged a few days ago. I should have known better, and I took it down as soon as it was pointed out to me that OP was, in fact, a TERF. But, like... me getting pissed at yet another troll blog made specifically to mock my identity isn't the same as that. Of all the things I could theoretically be called out for, this is the thing?

If anything, all this proves my fears-- that someone is watching every little move and misinterpreting everything I say as something malicious. I know myself and I know that all this is going to make me wildly paranoid and I'm already jumping to the worst possible ends (somehow this gets back to my university, they don't believe me when I defend myself, I get kicked out, someone finds me and recognizes me for what was said, etc.), so I think it really is best if I go on that semi-hiatus. (I want to say, though-- it's not someone else's fault that I'm being so up my own about all this. I'm generally a very anxious person and there's a lot happening right now, so it's making it a little harder to cope with what's happening on here.)

Also, for the record: I'll probably take this ask down when I go through and take down the other posts. Hopefully this all blows over and I can do that soon.

edit: this is the one post I'm going to keep up. i'll link it on the deleted posts log, though.

[aieunaoooosei]

The girls who get it, get it, and the girls who don't, don't

So, this is the weekly update in question and this one will be more life updates rather than what I'm watching.

To sum up my life I would say capital S, Stressed. That's how I am right now and don't get me wrong I'm always stressed but now it's actually a big deal. Anyways, I'm making a movie for uni and for some reason (the reason being I'm stupid) I have decided to be a writer/director/producer/editor/manager of like 6 or 7 people that were interested in working in the film with me. Don't know why you would ever be interested rather than the fact that I'm a girl boss that gets it but yeah. So pretty much now I have done nothing because I´m Stressed I've been at work (I work in a pub btw) and I´m either at work or at uni. And now you might ask why don't you take days off. And what I would say to that is that I'm crazy and also if I want days off I need to ask like weeks in advance otherwise my manager will kill me with her scary eyes. Beautiful eyes but scary nonetheless. Also maybe I'll do a work rant at the end. But basically, the film only has a tiny script which I wrote months ago and I now hate and a presentation which is honestly pretty cool ngl. But yeah I'm planning to film on the 24th and I need to send emails to borrow equipment, I need to write a script, work out the props and dresses, and do a storyboard and stop being so Stressed. Again very much capital S, maybe even capital the whole word.

This is the presentation in question.

So on the new Euphoria episode. I feel like I don't have that much to say. We do love a bestie fight. I wish Fez and Lexi would have kissed in this last episode. Also, I'm loving a drug addiction plotline. Like don't get me wrong Rue is definitely not my favourite character and I would like to see way more of the others plotlines like Kat or Nate or his LGBT father. But I guess I'm enjoying Rue's plotline as well. Quick side note, can Nate like chill with the drinking. Like we get it you are an alcoholic but at the same time, this man is drinking and driving, drinking in front of his mom and it just stressing me out. Also, I do understand that alcohol addiction is a real serious topic but it just feels like the show will never actually address it. They are more interested in Is he going to pick Cassie or Maddie, now that his dad is out of the picture. Idk I feel like I don't have a lot to say.

I'm watching Attack on Titan every week as well, but I feel like I will just make a post when it ends, to sum up, my feelings on this last season. One thing I do have to say about this weeks episode is ANNIE. I'm so excited she's back, she is a badbitch a girlboss and she definitely gets it. Also, Jean needs to stop being this fine cause I cannot handle this right now. Again, Stressed.

I haven´t watched any more X files cause I don´t have time, but last week I forgot to mention that I'm also watching Pam and Tommy and I love it. I know it goes against Pamela Anderson's wishes which I understand but at the same time, I do like the show very much even tho I'm confused. But, basically, I started watching cause I really like Lilly James, I think she is so pretty and in this, she's barely recognizable. They like changed her face with prosthetics and she doesn't even look like herself but is still very pretty. What I'm confused about is Tommy lee. First of all, the actor that is playing him is really handsome but then I went to see what Tommy lee actually looks like and this man is capital C Crusty. Which listen it's fine but also isn't he like abusive. wasn't he abusive to Pamela irl. I swear I remember that but in the show, he is just this excentric some might say, quirky nice-looking guy. And I love the breakdown he is going thru. I'm sorry sir no one likes metal in the '90s. Anyways I think the show has good performances. i love that we get introduced to this reporter girlboss, I don't remember her name but again she gets it. The Seth Rogen character is okay I guess. He is crusty 100% but you can also understand his motivations, but then again I feel like he just thought about it for a sec he could have been like yeah Tommy is shitty but does he really deserve this. Oh and in terms of filming it's pretty creative. love the part where he talks to his dick and it responds, never seen that done before, and I do like the music. But part of me is like do I like it or is it just nostalgia bait. To finish up, that dog is so cute. OMG, I can't, I wish I had one like that. but isn't he melting in California under all that hair?

Look at her being the ultimate material girl, we love to see it.

Well, I guess that's it on updates, ill now be ranting about work. Tell me why I have to put up with a crusty crusty coworker while also having to put up with crusty customers. I don't get it. Tell me why everyone in that pub just wants to make me cry. Again, I've already Stressed babe I don't need u to make me cry thank you very much.

But yeah there has been a lot of discussion between me and the work besties about the shit we go thru while other people don't, and the conclusion we all reach is that it's because we are young girls and people think it's okay to take the piss. Anyways when I'm manager ill kill them all. Imagine you go to a pub, u have some stupid complaint to make and you tell the person serving you I want to speak to the manager. and my 5´1 ass walks in ready to fight a bitch. I cannot wait. Also, my professor is going to read this and say yeah it was cute but what's up with the titles, the words 'girlboss' and 'crusty'. Which is understandable.

[theteablogger]

On a lighter note, where did the name "The Tea Blogger" originated from? Does that have something to do with the colloquialism of "spilling tea"? Is there a personal story? I'm just curious.

You know, I never made the connection with “spilling tea”, but I kind of love it.

“Tea Blogger” dates back to the summer of 2014. Andy had already been on my radar for a very long time, but I wasn’t paying much attention to him on a regular basis. I had friends in New Zealand and in the Harry Potter fandom, so I made a couple of friends-locked LJ posts about him shortly after Brittany was murdered. After discussion of the Trail of Tears hike died down, I only thought about him when his name came up on fail-fandomanon and when I checked Abbey’s Wordpress blog from time to time. I don’t remember ever looking at his Tumblr back then. My general feeling was that he was dangerous, abusive, and extremely manipulative, but there wasn’t much I could do about it, so there was no point in getting involved. 

2014 was not a good year for me. I was involved in an extremely toxic “friendship” with someone who now reminds me of Andy in many ways, although I didn’t see it at the time. Our involvement was emotionally and psychologically unhealthy, occasionally dangerous (to me and others, but not to my “friend”), and more stressful than I can adequately convey. At the time, I didn’t realize any of this–I blamed myself for everything in our relationship, misattributed my feelings of tension and despair to my job, and spent even more time than usual on the internet, alternating between escapism and a frankly embarrassing amount of navel-gazing.

When the Finelookingcat incident happened, I became aware of the Andy Awareness blogs and started catching up on everything that I’d missed over the last couple of years, which was a lot. It was a good distraction for me, and I now realize that it helped me to process some of the things that were happening in my life back then. Eventually I read “A Mile in Your Shoes”, and I was so infuriated that I felt like I had to respond to it. Because I didn’t want to publish anything about Andy in the personal blog that I had at the time, I submitted it to @1purp0se-blog. We spent about five days e-mailing back and forth about edits and additions to that post and about some interesting things that I’d noticed on Andy’s Tumblr.

At some point in the midst of that, I stumbled upon Andy’s hour-by-hour recap of the day of Brittany’s murder. This led me to look up the eulogy that he’d posted on LJ and Facebook a few days after it happened, as I hadn’t read it in quite a while. Reading them one after the other, there were a lot of things that felt “off” about both versions of the story, but for some reason I zeroed in on the inconsistency in the kind of tea that he said Brittany was going to make for them. I had just recently read about Andy’s distributing her tea collection to several of his friends, so I went back and checked that post, and saw that he’d mentioned yet another kind of tea. I wrote to @1purp0se-blog​ about it, and they published my e-mail here. (A year or so later, I updated it on my own Tumblr.) The next day, when they published my post about “A Mile in Your Shoes”, they referred to me as the Tea Blogger. I liked that, so I made it my Tumblr name when I started this blog soon afterward. 

[incognitajones]

I love the trick or treat idea and I'm just going to say that anything in your Montreal-verse with Jyn and Cassian dealing with snow and cold (Hoth echoes! GIANT COATS! Freezing while waiting for the bus that won't ever come!) would be amazing.

This trick or treat request definitely became easier to find inspiration for after we had our first snowfall of the year yesterday—bleah.

The door on the main floor banged open, and Jyn blew in on a gust of frozen air and a flurry of snow that travelled halfway up the staircase to her apartment. Cassian shivered and zipped his hoodie all the way up to the base of his neck.

“Why the fuck do people live in this climate?” Jyn stomped up the stairs, her voice suddenly clearer as she unwrapped the scarf around her mouth. “This is insane.”

She reached the top and kicked her boots off in the hall, scattering more snow. “The snowbanks are already like mountains out there. And some dude brought his skis on the metro and nearly took my eye out.” She dropped her wet gloves on the radiator.

Cassian looked up from his laptop. “Maybe he’s planning on skiing to work tomorrow.”

“Not me,” Jyn said. “They already told us not to bother coming in unless there’s a lot less snow than forecast.”

“Sure, rub it in,” he grumbled.

“I’ll make it worth your while. You can take breaks, can’t you?” Jyn flung herself down on the couch and tackled him, pushing her cold nose into his neck and worming her hands under his shirt and up into his armpits.

A high-pitched squeak of shock escaped Cassian and he grabbed at Jyn’s hands, tugging them away from his skin. He folded his hands around her icy fingers to rub warmth into them, lifted them to his mouth and blew on them. Her eyes closed in pleasure as he kissed her chapped knuckles. “I think I’m due for one right now.”

Cassian woke to the eerie incandescence of a winter night glowing through the blinds. He slid out of bed and walked over to the window, pushing them aside.

Frost on the perimeter of the glass already framed the view. Cassian touched one fingertip to it, melting a clear oval, and shivered. It was no longer snowing, but at least two feet had fallen overnight. The city was muffled in an unearthly silence. The street outside was a smooth white duvet of rounded lumps hiding parked cars, garbage cans, hydrants—everything modern except the fuzzy globes of the streetlights. No one was out; no tracks of feet or wheels had marked the pristine surface.

In the distance the dark slope of Mont Royal rose into the sky, the garish white cross on the hillside almost invisible against the pale sky. It was still long before dawn, but the clouds reflecting back the snow washed everything in a dull, soft, sourceless light. It was beautiful as long as you didn’t have to think about going outside.

He shivered again and let the blinds drop. When he crawled back into bed Jyn made a muffled noise of displeasure at his cold feet, but then rolled over and burrowed into him, one hand sneaking up under his shirt.

“You definitely don’t have to go into work today,” he told the crown of her head. “Go back to sleep.”

She hummed against his chest. “I can think of better ways to spend a snow day.” Her fingertips trailed slowly down the furrow of his spine to the small of his back and the tremor that followed her touch wasn’t from the cold.

Cassian plunged under the blankets, ducking his head to breathe hotly into the valley between Jyn’s breasts. He crept lower, teasing the hem of her sweater up with his thumbs, kissing the dip of her navel and across the soft plane of her belly, pressing his mouth to her through her leggings until she moaned and lifted her hips so he could pull them off.

Afterward they dozed for a few more hours until Cassian could no longer ignore his internal alarm clock. Jyn might have the day off, but as a software developer, he could work from home and unfortunately the company would expect him to—unless he got lucky and the internet connection went down.

He pressed a kiss to Jyn’s shoulder and rolled out of bed to start the first of several pots of coffee he’d need to get through the day. Quitting smoking hadn’t done his caffeine habit any good, that was for sure.

In the hall, he heard Jyn stamping her feet into her Sorels. “I want pancakes, I’m going to the dépanneur for more eggs,” she called. “Can I borrow your parka?”

“Take this too.” The hardwood floor was icy under his feet as he walked into the hallway and pulled his thick wool scarf from its hook to wrap around her neck.

“Get more coffee cream, please.” He kissed the tip of Jyn’s nose and she tilted her chin up to free her mouth from the scarf for a second, lingering kiss. Her lips were warm and soft and they tasted like everything he wanted. It was hard to pull away. “And hurry up. I want pancakes.”

Visual aids!

In case you doubt my description, here are some photos of Montreal after the big 2015 snowstorm, and a blog post with lots more images of winter.

This is Jyn’s place (she rents the top floor).

Sorel makes fashionable boots now too, but the hideous white ones remain the best choice for when you really need to keep your feet warm.

[Edited because I forgot to add a link to the original Montreal-verse story]