#my hyperfixations have stop me from writing script

[vicontheinternet]

asking for a friend would you be interested in a yt channel that does tv/movie review/retrospective and “how i would do x reboot or show” videos and with videos about me talking about if i was a show runner/writer’s room for a show. Kinda like “if I were in control of blank show/reboot” 👉🏾👈🏾

[ropuszysko]

ok so i promised to elaborate on klaus and kabbalah thing. my judaism hyperfixation is currently at its peak on the sinusoid (currently researching conversion), so buckle up.

HYPOTHESIS:

KLAUS KNOWS JEWISH MYSTICAL TRADITION WELL ENOUGH TO CAPITALISE ON IT

PROOF:

okay, мałgi, but how is that a proof of anything? well, let's look at brahe

but мałgi, these are some unintelligible scribbles! yes. HOWEVER! we see very similar script used in the third episode, dealing with metagolem (i elaborated on that back in september), openly inspired by jewish folklore.

as i said back then, clearly no one at rainbow knew hebrew script, nor cared to check it, so we ended up with a bunch of lamed-ish ל shapes and vavs ו maybe probably???

now, when we look back at brahe, he has clear he (ה) on him, a reversed dalet (ד), and the ○ is how some people write samekh (ס) by hand.

now, maharal (reb jehuda loew ben bezalel) was able to create the golem bc of his extensive knowledge of jewish mysticism. but to understand kabbalah, let alone capitalise on it (for the sake of this post lets put skepticism aside), you first need to know tanach AND talmud very well. and its the bare minimum. like there is a reason people like maharal are considered wise. which implicates, that to manipulate a golem, you also need this knowledge.

IMPLICATIONS:

first and foremost klaus is fucking crazy. not that it is anything new. which is why brahe does not necessarily implicate that klaus is jewish, this crszy motherfucker could just see a seemingly powerful mystical tradition and decide "yeah, im stealing that one". for any other character i would argue that unless they are jewish they have no reason to know all this scripture, but klaus? yeah i can see him learning it just because. perhaps brahe is an exact proof that klaus is NOT jewish, bc id rather call it a misuse of kabbalah. then again it may be just a giant fucking sin of hubris. idk.

if he is jewish, he clearly isnt observant orthodox (no head covering, not to mention fuckimg experimentation on humans 💀💀💀). but there are other branches (which only explain the head covering part, human experimentation isnt permissible in any of them, obviously) and we have to remember, that judaism is an ethnoreligion, so one may be both jewish and atheist. especially that in pre-war vienna there was a significant reformed community, which assimilated to a great extent. klaus is a very generic name in austria, doesn't scream any particular ethnicity.

and here we approach the secret third option, that he may not even know. season one takes place in ~2009 and klaus is an elderly austrian man. do the math. yeah. if he is ~60, he would be born right after the war. if he is ~70, he would be born a the very beginning of it, right after the anschluss. i think he is no older than 80, which makes him ~10 at the time of anschluss. neither of this options is a safe one, if you are a jewish child (the first one is not exactly unsafe, but a looot of people who survived and stayed in europe, never stopped hiding their identity out of fear, even from their children).

this lengthy part is to state, that brahe proves nothing past klaus being "fluent" in kabbalah. which in itself is crazy but like in "how the fuck did you even achieve that". it however opens options and also makes jewish mysticism a legitimate source of power in huntik universe, which for some reason is hilarious to me. yeah, yeah, titans, casterwills, other dimensions oh and also ancient israelites had a point. bitch??? xD

do i really think straffi thought this out to this extent? hell nah. was it fun to think of? yeah. e n j o y

[wakraya]

My Experience With Roblox

Hey! Hi! Hello! I have just gone through some pretty frustrating stuff and I wanted to share some experiences I've had with the Scam Formerly Known As Roblox.

So let me tell you a little bit of a story.

Back in the day I used to be a small Roblox Creator. And when I say 'back in the day', I mean like a decade ago, before a lot of the current extremely shady monetization and exploitation practices weren't implemented yet. And mind you, there WAS the 'Builder's Club' and there was Buying Robux, but it wasn't as blatant, and you still had Tix as the Free Currency.

Roblox was a place where I found quite the community. I was still not all that good at English, and it was through interacting with others that I pretty much taught myself to speak English. I met some of my longest-lasting friendships, I had my first Hyperfixation... Hell- It even introduced me to Homestuck!

But then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.

And by the Fire Nation, I mean that Roblox updated something that broke several of the scripts inside of my game. It dropped without warning, without a Legacy option, and forced Creators to simply adapt and update. Now, it wasn't even anything too big- I believe all I had to do was add 2 lines of code to my scripts, and they'd be fixed.

But, you see. I was inspired to make my own place, because of the work of other Creators. A major inspiration, in fact, was a pretty legendary Bleach Fighting Game, whose... Maker hadn't been on in years.

That was the day I learned the words 'Backwards Compatibility' and realized that Roblox had unceremoniously broken a lot of classic things that now had no repair. Alongside security concerns and the increasing monetization of the place, I decided to simply leave and never look back.

... A few years back, I got an email, telling me that there'd been a successful login to my account.

I quickly got in, changed my password to complete nonsense, reiterated my distaste for the state of the site, and left.

I didn't think much of this event for half a decade, but today. Today I was trying to see if I'd gotten a verification email from a different thing, and I ended up rummaging my Spam Folder, only to find someone writing an email... Asking, politely, for trading of some of the limited items left on my archaic account.

Unsure if this was a scam or not, and wondering what 'cool' items I even could've had in my inventory (Apparently I've got some unique octopus that sells for 22K Robux or something? Shrug-) I decided to log into the site, and... Just on a whim, I checked my messages.

Every single message for the last several years going back were just scams, which truly speaks volumes to how the site had developed. But, more importantly. Going further back, I found people asking me to please come back, and fix the game... Or. 'Make it free'.

...

Apparently. Apparently. In the time I got hacked years ago. Before whoever did it changed my email or password. They had, effectively. Updated my old game, with a message that 'it was back', and monetized it.

Apparently for the past few years I've gotten an insignificant but existent stream of Robux from some poor kids or nostalgic people trying to get back into my game.

I immediately went to try and fix things, only to realize there were no Options to remove the 'pass', and I couldn't find a way to remove the monetization, either.

Now. Mind you. I was doing this on the Browser. Maybe from the client it would've been better, easier, and clearer, but let me tell you- I have not. Seen. SUCH a Hostile UI in my entire life trying to just. FIND what to do to stop this from happening, and eventually I just. Opted for privating and taking down the game entirely. It's broken anyway, after all.

Following that I tried to make a statement on the description of my account, only to see, in horror, that my 1000 word message turned entirely into ####### because apparently I'd written one too many banned terms, because I was, in fact, talking about my account getting hacked, and monetization.

I tried writing a few other messages, and I swear, that was one of the most aggressive content filters I've seen in my ENTIRE life. 'Consent', 'Whole', and several other completely innocent terms just constantly eaten by the censorship algorithm, making writing a new description one of the genuinely most frustrating experiences I've ever had with any website online.

So. I guess. There's not much I want to say here. I am mostly venting about what an awful, awful experience this whole thing is, but like... Seriously. The hacking and security was rampant back then, and I doubt it's any better now. Even if it was, the sheer scope of the scams and exploitation that this... Service is even allowed, is genuinely a Late-Capitalism Nightmare.

Anyway, that was a wretched experience, and as nostalgic as I am for Those Days, and as sure as I am that there's people who still love Roblox and who have made incredible friends through it...

That... Thing... Is a monument to Humanity's Hubris, and shouldn't exist-

[lilyletham]

The Fall Guy Review

Fall guy was alright I guess. Stunts and action were top tier and carried the movie but I felt the story and writing were kinda meh. Ryan was great as always. 6.5/10. What I think happened to me was I got caught up in the hype and cacophony of promo content. I was bombarded with a nigh-incessant amount of videos, interviews, pictures, stunt bits, etc. All of which made it seem like this movie was going to be larger than life and I'd be a fool if I didn't go see it. I even saw the damn thing in IMAX(to a crowd of about half a dozen people, including myself...ouch). Again, really, REALLY great stunts, that's what makes this movie more than just average. And of course it should have great stunts! Very impressive. The comedy was mediocre aside from the physical comedy from the action and stunt sequences. Ryan channeled Jackie Chan in a few scenes where physical comedy/props/action were blended. I think I maybe had a little chuckle/exhale of breath at 40% of the dialogue jokes. That's entirely subjective though, of course. I just didn't find most of the jokes thigh-slapping. One little line got me to cackle. 🥒<-if you've seen it you'll get it. The love story felt weak and at times I thought I was listening to dialogue that people in their early 20s would be saying, yet these are supposed to be 40+ year olds. Take that as you will. It just didn't vibe with me. I think it was just poor writing. Plot was very predictable and the supposed "twist" everyone was frothing at the mouth over online was obvious. Overall I didn't hate it, I thought it was entertaining enough to enjoy but nothing more than that. Emily and Ryan obviously did a great job, but I think the script wasn't good so they did their best with what they had. Idk I feel kinda bad about it. I don't like being the contrarian in the fandom and I know in the next few days my dash will be LOADED with Fall Guy praise and content, so I think most people really loved it. Sorry for the essay, I just want to maybe explain my POV. I will say that sometimes hyperfixation on an actor makes one don a pair of rose-tinted glasses and love everything they're in, regardless of what it is. That's not a dig at anyone, btw. ONE LAST THING that made me upset: The trailers showed everything. EVERYTHING. If you saw the trailers, you saw a large chunk of the movie. Most of the gags, most of the plot, many of the stunts, they even showed a scene of the ENDING ffs. STOP DOING THIS ISTG.

[melis-hellis]

Onward's 3rd Anniversary - A (Long) Self-Reflection Post

three years. three gosh darn years old. you're not allowed to be three years old, onward.

the world has obviously changed a lot since this humble pixar film came into my life. when it released, i was an 18-year-old in senior year of high school, and now i'm a 21-year-old junior in college. animation has changed a whole lot, and has been challenged by the perpetrators of the stigma more than ever. and for me...well, there have been a ton of developments in just these past several months.

for two and a half years, this film was my entire life. it was the only thing i thought about. i created tons of art and stories to expand upon this universe that deserved more love. i adored and connected with the characters...i hadn't quite related to a pixar film this much. i connected with the depiction of loving siblings, the emotions, the fantasy world...i've adored animated films before, but not to this extent.

and despite the film's unfortunate reputation - viruses, lawsuits, lesbian cops and all - i wasn't alone in my love. there was a small group of people on this very website who shared my love for this underrated gem, and we came together to create amazing things. we lifted each other up during dark times, and while things weren't always perfect, we powered through.

what's so unique about this particular anniversary is that this is the first one where i'm not active in the fandom. in fact, i'm not the only one who's inactive - most of my friends have also moved on to other things. but our love never went away. if my love went away, i wouldn't be writing out this post. but i'll be honest - i tried to draw a fanart last night, and i couldn't put anything on that procreate canvas. and it breaks my heart because i wish i could put out something like fanart today. but given my business with other fandoms, this post will suffice.

my one major goal i had in this fandom was to complete at least one season of my fanmade series. and that i did - my series was loved throughout this small fandom and seeing the reactions every time i posted an episode warmed my heart. on onward's 2nd anniversary - one year ago today - i completed the first season and started preparing for the second one. by the end of may i began scripting, and i was really getting in the groove...until late june.

something started feeling off by the end of june. i didn't want to admit the possibility of my onward hyperfixation waning, but that's what it felt like. it felt like the magic was being sucked from me. i blame lightyear partially for this; the film was so underwhelming that it soured pixar a little bit for me, and between that and dreamworks coming back with banger movies again, it made me stop paying attention to disney for a bit. i began looking back at older fandoms again.

july and august came and went, and while i still had a bit of onward motivation in me, it wasn't enough to continue writing. i did all i could - but nothing would bring it back up.

then i started junior year of college on august 22nd, 2022. a few days before, the whole warner discovery HBO max fiasco went down, and put the future of TAWOG - one of my old special interests - in jeopardy. while that special interest was a in a dark place...the youtube channel of the special interest i had directly before disney/pixar/onward hit one million subscribers.

in the 2010's caddicarus fandom, the prospect of him hitting one million subs felt like a legend. something that wouldn't really happen. back when i came along in 2014, he was projected to hit one million in 2017, as this was his peak in popularity. but as time went on, that 1 million goal moved further and further away as jim kept steering the channel into its demise. he had no self-awareness and felt he had to grind and pop out videos like rabbits to keep his numbers up...which, if you were a fan at the time, you probably knew was not true. the videos lost their quality and magic...and, funnily enough...i lost my patience on march 7th, 2019.

i unsubbed that day, but i'd been irritated with the channel's output for a while before that.

of course, if you know me, you know the story - exactly one year later, i saw onward in theaters with my sister and my life was changed. after a year of changing between many different fandoms - jontron, game grumps, seeing TAWOG for the last time before its finale, vinesauce, ducktales - pixar was now my new special interest home. the subsequent lockdown was a time where i produced tons of edits, fanarts, and fanfiction experiments.

on the caddicarus side of things, jim almost shut down the channel in late 2019 as his numbers were at their absolute worst. after having an epiphany at a convention in january 2020, he completely shook up his content style, and his channel was suddenly rejuvenated, bringing him the largest figures in the channel's history. before 2020, every caddicarus video gaining a minimum of 1 million views was completely unheard of, let alone none of the videos being under 30 minutes.

what's so ironic is that caddy began making banger videos again around the same time i got with onward. and yet i completely refused to watch them. i knew what was going on, i knew people were saying the newer videos were better. but i couldn't make myself watch them.

i had actually tried to come back for my 7th anniversary in august of 2021 - fun fact, my caddica-versary is august 21st, one day before august 22nd, aka what's now 1 million sub day - but i had just committed to my onward series, and i couldn't have another interest interrupting me.

so another year passes, and we're back at august 2022. i watch caddy cross over to 1 million subs, and it doesn't feel real at first.

i didn't immediately return to the fandom, but i knew in my mind that i needed to go somewhere as my onward hyperfix was thinning.

so what's the last thing i create in the onward fandom? do i draw an elaborate fanart? do i put out at least one episode of the second season i'd been hyping and pushing back for months? do i tease even more OCs and episode ideas? do i put out another chapter of that other fanfic i was writing? or a one-shot?

...on august 28th, 2022, the last things i ever created in the onward fandom were these two fortnite dancing gifs.

this reminds me a lot of alex lasarenko and his disney channel jingle. he's created a lot of breathtaking orchestral pieces - and yet the thing he's most known for are those four notes that have been used on the disney channel for over 20 years. for me and onward, the thing i go out on are these two silly gifs...and honestly? i don't mind that.

the following friday, i finally began watching the 2020-present caddicarus videos...and it was like falling in love with the channel all over again. i love both the original and current runs of the caddicarus show for completely different reasons - but the current run is the one i rewatch, quote, and remember the most of. because it's actually amazing.

needless to say, i resubbed that night, and i could comfortably call myself a caddicarus fan again.

something very funny about this is whole thing is that caddy says the word "onward" a whole lot. like, a whole lot. on interviews and streams, he usually brings up how new fans should only watch his videos from 2020 onwards. in his video talking about his merch box, he says the jokes and references within the box are from his videos from 2020 onwards.

it's like pixar had been sending me a subliminal message this whole time - onward (2020) came out just as caddy's videos became the best they've ever been. pixar was basically telling me "hey, caddy's moving onward too, so you should give his newer stuff a try and stop thinking he's living in the past".

here we are at onward's 3rd anniversary, and i'm still waiting for my caddicarus blu-ray to arrive. it'll be the first caddicarus merchandise i'll be able to hold in my hands and cherish - back when i was a teen, i couldn't just ask for caddicarus T-shirts as my parents couldn't find out that a swearing youtuber was my big special interest. and now, when that box arrives, i will have merchandise of all the major special interests i've had. i'd finally added the missing piece to the puzzle - or maybe for this case, a missing brick in the wall, or... the last check on the bucket list...

...and i've never felt more complete.

thank you pixar. thank you onward. thank you dan scanlon, kori rae, tom holland, chris pratt, literally everyone who made this movie a reality. no matter how much it's overlooked, memed on, dogged on, etc., there are people who adore this film for what it is and the emotions it has brought. it has helped me with many of my personal struggles, and to this day it stands as a glowing reminder that we should all strive to keep moving onward.

so, with all that said, keep putting it in O my friends. because you'll never be ready if you don't try.

[mdhwrites]

Do you think you're kind of a hard to please person? Considering you don't think highly of Owl House, Regular Show, Steven Universe, MLP Friendship is Magic season 4 onward, Gravity Falls, Helluva Boss, and Kim Possible as much as other people do, that does give the impression you're hard to please.

It's not an unfair assessment. The thing is that I definitely am a bit harder to please but I think the bigger issue is that I'm hard to hook. It's hard to make me bother continuing with a show and I can lose interest if it stops matching what I want from it or I'm just not interested in the direction it's going. My Hero Academia S3 was that where I still thought the show was definitely good but the promise of more villains and focusing on them more just had me go "I'm good" because I found them the least interesting part of the show. I liked the Academia more. (Helluva Boss is in here though from the sounds of it... I mean, that's a divisive show for a reason. Also, for anyone curious: I don't have Amazon Prime so I'm not going to hunt down Hazbin right now.)

A LOOOOOT more shows sit in that category than in me actively disliking them. Steven Universe and Gravity Falls are both shows I can absolutely see the possibility in but just don't want to bother watching myself (throw Adventure Time in that pile, though I've liked everything I've seen of it.) Regular Show is also in a place for episodic stuff where I'd never go out of my way to watch it but never complain seeing it as while it's not for me, I actually do think it's good. It's honestly probably one of the best versions of its sort of show out there. It's just not for me. Also Kim Possible could be better than the pilot makes me think and I still think fondly of it, I just didn't decide to commit to a rewatch when I tried (which I could easily see with Danny Phantom too.)

A large part of this is admittedly the problem I've talked about before: I struggle to turn off my brain with scripted content. I really struggle to watch scripted stuff as background noise because I want to take it in properly. Enjoy the craft. I have streams and the like that I enjoy if I just want background noise. That is going to mean that keeping me takes more interest. It's a quirk of how I consume media. *shrug*

But that's also because my brain is always on when watching something. Even with something like Craig of the Creek, I am still evaluating how it's doing things. Mind you, I think that show is amazing because it captures its tone and energy PERFECTLY but even then... I'm still struggling to watch beyond S1 because my brain isn't hooking on it.

My brain doesn't hook on a lot of stuff. Not easily. It's actually really frustrating. So many can move between hyperfixations but it took me like half a decade after I stopped watching MLP to find TOH and I didn't have a hyperfocus between those two. Nothing grabbed me hard enough. The closest were writing sprints when my own idea grabbed me enough and demanded I write.

And I've been trying! Wednesday and My Adventures with Superman were ones I really hoped to have gotten lost in and just... Didn't. Admittedly, Wednesday is just bad mostly. Couldn't tell you as well with MAWS since I mostly have a pacing issue with that one but otherwise really enjoy it.

I'm not impossible to please but also... I don't know what to tell you for how to make my brain happy. That's why I mostly try to be numb against my depression. Keep my brain off because I don't know what it'll do if I wake it up. Almost like there's a reason I don't watch a lot of stuff. *siiiiiiiigh*

[kayliethelazy]

Trying to Pursue a Dream with ADHD

I have ideas that I’m working on right now that I just can’t get started on or finish due to something called Executive Dysfunction. I have ADHD, and executive dysfunction is constant for me, even if I want to do something, I will sit around waiting for my brain to allow me to accomplish tasks that most other people could just do without needing to spend a huge amount of energy to just get started. If I start something and hyperfixate on it. Throughout the creation process, I am fully aware that there will come a time where I will be physically unable to create anymore, no matter how much I love what I’m doing, no matter how much I love the content that I create and I’m genuinely heartbroken every time. I just have to keep creating on a semi-consistent schedule until I completely forget, and move onto something else. I wish I could be different. I wish I wasn’t affected like this, I wish I could be normal and pursue my dream of creating content for people to enjoy without limitation. I’ve seen the feedback on my videos, from friends, comments, from family, and when something does well, they tell me and I know for a fact that there are people that enjoyed some of my recent content. But you know what? I can’t bring myself to do more of that style right now because I feel a repulsion to even writing the script for my next destiny video. I have so much anxiety about it because I want to create so badly, it is literally all I want to do. I want to record voice overs, I want to write scripts, I want to edit and piece together the unique puzzles that are these videos but I just cannot bring myself to even start. I know that I can, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t bring myself to get started or to finish projects that have been in the works for months. I have a destiny 1 video that should have been edited months ago. It’s still on my old computer. I have ideas and scripts that go unedited because my brain doesn’t let me finish them, even though those ideas are a struggle to find. I’ve contemplated quitting entirely. Just enjoying my life and enjoying the games that I play. But the reality is, I couldn’t do that, I love making content. It’s my passion. Even if no one watches. I cried when the Clara guide hit one thousand views. I was stunned, and wanted so badly to make more. I have another video for Star Rail that already has a finished script that I’ve been sitting on for a week. Even when I have a drive and deep desire to create my ADHD holds me hostage and will not let me do what I know I want to do. Despite all these feelings, I’m not going anywhere, I’m not stopping, I’m not giving up. Because I love what I do. Even if I’m working and can’t devote as much time to it, I will still create. Even if I have other responsibilities, I will find room to create. Like I said, it’s my passion and I could never let it go, all I wish is that I could act on my passion without being limited by the biological machine that is my brain. If you do enjoy what I make, thank you, you really do mean the world to me, every one of you. In short, fuck you ADHD. I’m tired, I’m frustrated with myself, and I’m going to figure this out, so I can pursue this silly little dream of mine.

[danggirlronpa]

Oh! Sending in another ask because I forgot! To talk about my girl! Bipolar Kaede! Tbh - I feel like Kaede is also very much ADHD & Autistic too, with her special interest being music/piano. I like to imagine she's somewhat similar to me in the respect that when ADHD hyperfixation combines with a hypomanic episode, she becomes Unstoppable in writing music. Which is exactly what happens to me with fanfic! I have written I think... 20,000 words in one sitting before? You can get Super productive, which is really nice, but I tend to immediately slide into a depressive episode once I come down from a hypomanic one, which is not so nice. Also. You say SO MUCH SHIT YOU REGRET. I think the only times I've ever left negative comments on things were in hypomanic episodes - and like, I wasn't necessarily rude, but I still Would Not have said that if I wasn't in a hypermanic episode. I would have just clicked off instead of saying something was out of character - especially since I DO believe you are completely entitled to write OOC stuff. I do too, though I usually try to mark it someway to show that it's Not my usual interpretation of a character - but that's also the thing! People have different interpretation even if I don't agree with them! Normally I just. Click off of that type of stuff, but in hypomanic episodes - nope. My reasoning goes out the window. I imagine Kaede is very similar to that - not necessarily saying bad stuff, just... maybe a bit more outspoken, without a filter. She probably says super embarrassing things only to after the episode go "why did I say that?!" You Really do overshare. Truly.

I'm actually in a mixed episode right now, which means my filter is somewhat loose still. That's part of why I'm sending in so many asks - I just get really, really passionate when I show hypomanic symptoms. I have So Many thoughts I feel like I'm vibrating.

As for depressive episodes and Kaede, I very much feel that when she was in them, things that she would normally brush off, such as people calling her Piano Freak, would be a lot harder to stomach. I imagine that even friendly teasing that would normally be fine would send her into tears in a depressive episode - she's a lot more fragile and sensitive than she normally is.

Also! I think it would be kind of cool if Kaede had delusions occasionally- I've experienced delusional thinking in hypomanic episodes (when I was young, like, 10 or so? I would look up conspiracy theory YouTube videos when in hypermanic episodes, which I obviously now avoid doing) and I think it would be cool if Kaede had delusions too. Maybe about being a reincarnated musician something? Idk. Also, sometimes in hypermanic or mixed episodes I get really paranoid that people are lying to me/gaslighting me, or they secretly hate me - I imagine she would have this, too, where she would get really paranoid that people don't actually like her. That they're all just lying to her about liking her. I imagine there's even an incident where she snaps at Shuichi to stop pretending to be her friend - which would obviously upset him greatly, and he'd have to convince her that he actually does like her.

Medicine makes bipolar SO much better, in my experience- so a lot of the more extreme symptoms would be when she's not on meds. After she gets on meds, I like to think she stabilizes a lot more! I am always sending my love to Latuda. That shits a miracle drug tbh.

But yeah!!! I can't believe I got so excited about Sato I forgot about my girl Kaede. For shame!

Autistic Kaede my beloved T_T The piano hyperfixation...the scripts for cheering others up and having no idea what to do when someone diverts from it...lots of ultimate students are autistic-coded by nature but Kaede is Up There. (And you could absolutely argue ADHD too!! Lots of comorbidity there.)

I don't talk about this very often here, but I have severe anxiety - like, severe enough that I've talked with my therapist about going on disability - and one of my symptoms was also delusions! Up until about college age, I really genuinely believed that everyone around me could read minds, and was using it to constantly watch me and mock me when I thought anything slightly wrong. I can definitely see Kaede grappling with that type of social paranoia! I think it could feed a lot into her consistently pushing to be friends with everyone, as a way to assuage her own anxieties. And it makes her execution even more tragic, knowing that she's not just breaking down about not being friends with everyone, but that her delusions are also breaking her down on a totally different level.

[mintywolf]

A Long Road Home Author Notes - Page 1

Hello! Going forward I’m going to be attaching author notes here on my personal blog for anyone interested in hearing me ramble about this. :)

For Page 1.

If you’ve been following me for a while you probably know me best from Guardian, my last big comic. (For those who don’t, it’s a graphic novel about Lulu from Final Fantasy X. You can read it here: @guardian-comic) Since finishing work on that in early 2020 I’ve been struggling to get a new project started. I’d had a number of other original and fan projects backburnered but found I had a hard time caring about them. (Or honestly, much of anything, after the plague malaise took over. A lot of things, on both a global and personal scale, happened in 2020 that made art just Hard in a way that it hadn’t been before, a feeling I’ve seen shared by a lot of creatives at the time.)

Then CR Campaign 3 started and I don’t know what it is exactly about Laudna and Imogen but these characters and their relationship have my entire heart. I have not hyperfixated this hard on something in years. As with Guardian the impulse to express all the heart emojis bursting out of the depths of my being in the form of an unwieldy graphic novel came out of nowhere, and the beginnings of it came in a dream. (Although as also with Guardian, the pages that I dreamt for it never actually made it into the comic, haha.) I woke up that morning feeling in my soul that it was Time. 

Fortunately I have the benefit of 10 years of experience this time so rather than just diving headlong into another opus I spent several months planning, outlining, writing the script, and working on character designs. I’ve thought before that if I’d known exactly how big Guardian was going to be at the outset I never would have been able to get started. This time I know. And friends . . . it is another behemoth. D: A few times, watching the script steadily balloon in size, I stopped to think what are you doing, this is insane, this could be a fic and take a fraction of the time, but I have no sense of artistic self-preservation. :D

I’m still scared! I know from having done it before that I can do it again, but it still feels very Big and I’m still working my way back up to the level of artistic productivity I had then. But I’m excited about it in a way I haven’t been about a creative project in a long, long time.

For a long time it didn’t have a title, it was just called “Southern Gothic Meet Cute Prequel Comic??” at the top of the script page. That got shortened to “Southern Gothic,” which fits it both as a ship and a genre, but I decided that was a little too cheeky since it is the ship name (one of them) and also not very indicative as a title. The meaning of the new one will I hope become evident as the story goes on. (I never did change the tumblr url though. It is what it is.)

Yeah so! Here we go. Here’s Imogen, with some curiously bare arms!

It’s implied that Flora is a white horse (when Imogen selects horses for the journey to the Heartmoor Chetney remarks that he thought she’d prefer a white horse, but she says she doesn’t want to replace Flora) and originally I intended to draw her that way but I ended up liking the palomino paint look. (Incidentally my first horse in Breath of the Wild looked like this so it’s kind of nostalgic for me. ;)) She’s still mostly white. She kind of disappears from the scene because it’s a dream. In the narration she always runs away before the storm hits.

I think I over-rendered the backgrounds, haha. But I just got all these cool grass and field brushes just for this! (Available here.) The quilt was also more intricate originally but I didn’t want to drive myself insane trying to keep the pattern the same every time we see it, so I simplified it a little. It’s still cute. Also a recurring staple of my art: cute jammies. :)

Her bedroom is in the attic, which we’ll get a more clear picture of later. I imagine she’d have moved up there to be as far away from the presence of other minds as possible.

[dingoskidneys]

just me rambling and thinking out loud

I have a writing wip going right now that I'm really liking the concept of, but I'm having two problems with it. One is that I can see the visuals and the aesthetics of it and even also the sounds of it really

clearly, but idk how to write about it in such a way that gets the energy across right. And that's making me think that it would work better in a different medium. It would be cool if I could animate it but that's not really feasible for me right now, so tbh ideally it would be a little short film, which would be super cool so maybe I'll turn that around in my head for a bit. I could maybe try writing it as a regular short story and then rewriting it as a script (not that I know how to write a script). And stop motion would be cool. I considered a comic version as well for about two seconds but I don't think I'd be able to get the flow and motion of it right. I'm imagining this so extremely specifically, oy. Maybe I could use it as an experiment with switching between mediums. Anyway the second problem is that I've been reading so much Douglas Adams lately that I'm basically just imitating his writing style, which is fine because it's fun and I do want to be able to incorporate some of that into the way I write, and also Neil Gaiman said something that stuck in my head about how you have to sound like other people before you find your own voice (or something like that, I don't remember the exact quote unfortunately). But also not fine because I want to write something that feels like I wrote it myself in my own style. The older stories I've been posting feel more like my own style but probably just because I wasn't reading as actively (or actively hyperfixating on anything much), but also some of the humor feels dated in a way, like I was copying the kind of stuff I had watched on tv or something and isn't all that funny to me anymore and some of it rubs me the wrong way now. I only post the ones I do like somewhat though so I don't really have good examples of that for you. But anyway back to the current thing. I think I'm also getting ahead of myself because I don't even know where the story is going, my process lately has been to just start writing and see where it takes me but I usually expect myself to have it done right in one draft (with a few edits granted), when in reality I should try the technique of writing it and then starting over from the beginning and writing it again and again until it's better. I feel like I've heard that recommended by a few people but I don't remember who, anyway I've been wanting to try it but I'm usually too impatient. I've been doing that with drawing here and there, instead of messing with a sketch into oblivion I just start over; I used to be scared to do that because I didn't want to lose what I already had on the paper but then I realized that the sketch is usually way better if I just redo it and it works really well, highly recommend. My mom had been telling me to do that for ages but the way my brain is I had to come to it myself. Um. Idk where I was going with this

[anonymousad]

Re: your post about the Among the Stacks crowdfund, thank you for taking the time to write such a comprehensive and balanced breakdown of the issues with it. You're definitely not the only one who has noticed issues with the project overall, and I think they're very pertinent to a lot of the concerns you raised.

Things like the show casting while having little to no content written, the show's genre changing apparently at random (Nigel has definitively called it both "weird horror" and "fantasy mystery" on their Twitter), glaring proofreading errors in cast announcements (including things like attributing a different character to an actor in the tweet versus the graphic, misspelling a big-name actor's name in his cast announcement tweet, and huge formatting issues in text alignment on several actors' bios), Nigel's occasional use of the show Twitter rather than her personal Twitter to engage with other shows in pursuit of getting cast in roles (a choice that cannot have been accidental, given that the offending tweets end with "-N", despite no one else on the team seeming to have access to the Twitter), the way the show is marketed as massively collaborative but all communications and a lot of the content features Nigel front and center... the list goes on and on.

A couple of specific relevant points:

In regards to the traced art, as well as the show's logo and all of their non-episode graphics, those aren't credited because Nigel makes them. I had the same question when I saw the difference in style between the listed artist for Among the Stacks and the stuff being posted, and if you compare it to the style of the episode art for Nigel's other show (Hyperfixations) it becomes very obvious who's making them... which is just another way in which 90% of the content on the Twitter seems to come from Nigel and no one else.

Very little effort seems to have been made to promote the show's actual artist, which is weird both because she seems pretty talented and because it's pretty hard to sell people on wanting a design on a t-shirt if not enough people are seeing it to get excited about it. (I have my own thoughts about this and the aggressive watermarking on the crowdfund, but they're petty and baseless and mostly boil down to a suspicion that Nigel hates not being the center of attention.)

(You can find the full design that's on the shirt on the artist's Twitter, by the way. Not that you should have to go looking for it.)

Another thing is that at least one of Nigel's old shows (Archive Admirers) stopped updating without warning. If you search the show's handle (AdmirersArchive) on Twitter, one of the most recent tweets is from July 6th, 2022, responding to a February 1st episode announcement with:

"...is the podcast dead? You guys said episode 30 would be up May 23, and it's July... :("

Nobody from the show responded, the show has not been updated, and Nigel has actively tweeted about the show since. Note: the last time the show updated was a bonus episode on May 9th, but the show Twitter stopped being updated February 1st. No updates, no notice of hiatus, no explanation. Nada.

Huge red flags for show abandonment and overall attitude towards audience. (How hard would it have been to respond to one disappointed fan?)

Also, in regards to the annotated scripts promised on the crowdfund, the actual transcripts for half of the episodes of the prologue season not only aren't available, there's nothing on the website to indicate or explain which transcripts are and are not available, why certain transcripts are not available, why only the first three and last two are available, and when transcripts are meant to become available.

All episodes feature a "Download Transcript" button, but the buttons for "Prelude: You know they're playing it somewhere, but you have to find it." and Tales 1 through 3 redirect you to the website's homepage without explanation.

It doesn't exactly fill me with confidence about the quality of what people should expect from annotated scripts. The standard of care here seems to be inconsistent at best.

This is all publicly confirmable information. You can find 99% of this stuff by looking on Twitter.

And that's without even getting into the rumors that are circulating behind the scenes: rumors about Nigel taking everything personally and refusing to take anyone's advice, rumors about collaborators being so checked out of the project that at least one has told friends they don't think it'll see any actual movement for months, rumors that certain actors were guaranteed a baseline of pay regardless of the results of the crowdfunding, and rumors of early collaborators having been removed from the project without warning or explanation.

yeah there is a lot in here that I have also heard/seen going on.

I didn't really want to stray too far from the crowdfund specific stuff in my post, but this feels like the kind of project that will have a "post-mortem" investigation done by someone when it fully falls down.

as I tried to make clear, I am not trying to just hate on the project or fuck over someone, but I think that a lot of people are being taken advantage of to some extent here and that's not an okay thing that I want to see happening in our community.

I'm sure some of the fans are younger and more impressionable and so in love with the idea of this show, especially with how much it is marketed solely on the basis of being "queer". I don't want those people to be disillusioned with the medium or feel betrayed or lose their money.

I've been around long enough to have backed crowdfunds that went nowhere, things for which I wasn't able to see the obvious red flags in. there's an entire micro-genre of youtube content devoted to failed or scam campaigns and ALWAYS new projects to cover.

I don't want to see that here, in a community that is so accessible and trusting and loving.

my distrust of this project as a whole is based in love for the art form and the community we've built. I just want us to preserve that.

[vagueandominousvibes]

omg for that ask meme... okay i find your attention to clothing design super super fascinating, and it makes me wonder if you have a theater background? especially like period pieces, with costumes that evoke certain eras? i like how warm and cozy your art always looks and the fact that it's inked by hand. that shit is SO HARD, are you kidding me? no undo button! i look at the expressions you draw and can just TELL that you likely make them with your own face when you're trying to figure them out on paper. they always look so natural, and it's honestly amazing how well you distinguish the different four swords guys given the fact that they are visually very similar in the manga. you give them personality just through the subtext of their appearances in a really neat and endearing way.

your writing gives me similar vibes where it's like, either you've immersed yourself in certain historical genres and aesthetics for practical reasons, like being in theater or studying them in school, or it's purely through the power of hyperfixation that you're able to channel them seamlessly into your work. either way, i admire it so much. i love how you created an entire world and magic system and tense political environment for the fsaa one-shot, despite it being. a one-shot, as far i know? it adds so much richness and depth to the character beats, and could totally work as original fiction. i still want to hang out in that tavern you described it would probably have bitchin fresh bread

okay i'm stopping now i just love getting an excuse to praise people's art in very specific ways !!

Oh wow, thank you so very much, Sam!! I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting this much in response to the ask meme, but I'm absolutely delighted by it <3

To make it easier for myself, I'll break it down and answer point by point:

Do I have a theatre background? Well, not really. Not unless you count script writing, 4 years worth of D&D, a 3-day improv course I did once, and some basic stuff we did in school one winter. I think I would've loved to be more involved in theatre — either as a writer or as an actress — but at the moment I'm not. That said, script writing and acting have relatively little to do with costumes and designs. When I design clothing for characters, I have two rules in my head: it should tell the viewer something about the character; and it should be practical. That last bit is particularly important. One of the main reasons I started the LiWiAU was because I was annoyed by how impractical some of the LU Links' designs were, and I guess that's carried over into the FS designs (especially the Knights Lodge AU). That's not to say my designs are perfectly practical or deeply researched, but it does mean that I try to make the outfits as plausible and useful as possible. In terms of armour, I frequently default to my partner's superior knowledge and research actual medieval armour, but when it comes to things like winter clothing I have a lot of first-hand experience with it from Scandinavia.

Yup, inking is a one-way street! I also don't have backup sketches or copies, so if I make a mistake, I have to find ways of covering it up or distracting from it!

True! If I'm struggling with an expression, I do try to replicate it on myself to figure out how it works. This actually goes for anything, from expressions to full-body-poses, and it's not unusual that I pause in the middle of a drawing session to figure out what I'm doing.

Thank you so much! I really enjoy making the FS boys look similar but distinctly individual, and I'm so glad that comes across.

So when it comes to writing certain time periods, I'd say that's 50/50 hyperfixation and studies. The particular one-shot you're referring to is partly Dickensian, partly Austen-esque, and I did study both Dickens and Austen, as well as their respective context, in uni, which has given me some insight into the general culture at the time. (I also studied a number of other texts in that approximate time period, which has given me more to work with.)

I still don't know where the world for that one-shot came from, but I think I'm as deeply fascinated by it as you are. I'd love to explore it further one day, either as a fanfic or as original fiction.

[chronic-invisibility]

I stopped coming on here for like almost a month i think bc i added some tags onto a post i reblogged and the op called me out and said i completely misunderstood everything (except they misunderstood what i was trying to say so fuck me ig) and i got upset and dipped. In the meantime, lots of stuff has happened, but also not much.

I went back to university, the semester started last Thursday and it’s going well so far, I’m majoring in Museum Studies bc I am a big nerd, and it’s a 100% online program so I’m still working and I don’t have to like, move to Arizona, which is good.

Work is meh, we’re starting vaccine clinics again soon so I’ll be doing that again with this season’s flu and covid shots, and maybe other vaccines as well I’m not sure what the regulations are now. We still only have one pharmacist on staff so we’re stuck with a rotating cast of floaters, some of whom are more helpful than others. And the customers are still horrible, that hasn’t changed. I got yelled at for 10 minutes today by someone who’s doctor called in over a dozen prescriptions and then faxed us and cancelled all of them so we put them all back, which was a mistake apparently and then after we finally got it sorted and got them called in again, we were supposed to close in 10 minutes so it was physically impossible to fill 15 prescriptions for one person, and she wanted us to stay open late just for her, which legally we can’t do and also no, we want to go home and she was being so rude we didn’t really want to help her at all. So yeah, work is work

In good news, I’ve been talking to someone i matched with on a dating app (my intro that they messaged me about was mcr related, so you know they’re a keeper) and we’ve been on 2 dates and text a lot and we’re planning on hanging out again this Tuesday. They’re a special ed teacher and they have adhd so they get how my brain works and they work with kids whose brains work similarly to both of ours, and they’re really funny and cool and smart and nice and pretty, I really hope this keeps going well bc I really like them.

I watched the newest season of Heartstopper twice in a row after it came out, reread all the comics that are out (Alice Oseman is still publishing them, too, so that’s nice) and then rewatched both seasons in a row. It’s so cute and so good and i can feel the hyperfixation building. I’ve watched it enough that I keep slipping into a british accent when I talk, which is entirely unintentional but not the worst thing. I can also do it on purpose, but i tend to pick up accents from people I hear talk a lot, which is maybe the only fun side effect of masking my whole life

I’ve seen a few really good plays and musicals recently, I know I saw The Sign in Sidney Brustein’s Window before i stopped posting on here, but that was really good, and then I saw Kimberly Akimbo the other day, it was INCREDIBLE. The music and the writing are amazing, obviously, and the actors were all so good, again obviously. They won 5 Tony’s last season, including for Best Musical and Best Featured Actress in a musical and Best Lead Actress in a musical, which were so well-deserved, I seriously cannot hype this show up enough. There’s so many good shows on Broadway right now and I wish I could see them all, there were a bunch I wanted to see but closed before I got the chance, too, including Prima Facie starring Jody Comer, but I bought the script for that one.

In less fun news, I think i might need to put a read more here bc there be triggers coming

Between my chronic GI issues (trying to see a specialist about it again but there’s a whole mess of problems with that i just don’t feel like typing) and watching season 2 of Heartstopper and also rereading it and seeing Charlie struggling with his eating disorder, I’ve lapsed pretty hard with my own. I can’t really call it a relapse bc I was never really actually trying to recover, but I was trying for a while to eat a little more normally, but that’s basically out the window now. Thanks brain, so helpful of you to see a person struggling with a similar mental illness to mine and say “well they’re sicker than you so you suck and also you need to work harder at being sick like them” like FUCK OFF that’s not helpful and also Charlie is literally a fictional character and most of the storyline is about how he’s trying to get help for his ed and how awful they are, and his ed and mine aren’t the same, nor are our reasons for being disordered. So that’s not been fun.

I also realized (after watching a video by a therapist reacting to the scene when Ben assaults Charlie in Heartstopper and then going and obsessively researching legal definitions) that what happened to me in the summer of 2019 would probably be classified as a rape, not just a sexual assault. Which it also was, but what happened falls under the legal definition of rape, not just assault. So I’ve been spiraling about that, even though I still remember almost none of it and once again my garbage brain has decided that I’m somehow not allowed to be that upset or say I’m traumatized bc I don’t experience two of the most common symptoms of ptsd (flashbacks and nightmares) so clearly, this is all me being dramatic, even though basically everything else fits. And those aren’t required to be diagnosed with ptsd. Not that I WANT ptsd, but for whatever reason I feel like i’m not allowed to even say i’m a little bit traumatized by what happened bc of that. Again, stupid brain. I also realized after talking to the person I’ve been talking to (idk if we’re officially dating, maybe i should ask) about boundaries and what we’re both comfortable with, that the last person who I’ve had any “romantic” physical contact with was the person who raped me, and also the only sexual contact I’ve ever had (unless i’ve blocked out more than just the one assault I know happened) was with that same person, so now i’m extremely anxious about doing anything with the person i’m sort of maybe dating, even though neither of us are interested in just jumping right to physical intimacy, they’ve also experienced similar situations so they’re anxious about it too, and also they’re a nice person who i’d trust to not push it if i wasn’t comfortable with something, but idk how to say “i’m anxious about kissing you even though i like you and i want to kiss you bc the last person i kissed was the person who raped me over 4 years ago”

I’m working on finding a new therapist now that i’m done with my IOP and i know that’s going to be one of the (far too many) things i need to deal with in therapy, as well as all the other trauma from that summer, and from my previous university experience, and my whole fucking childhood, and also my other issues that aren’t necessarily trauma related, although most of them probably are to a certain extent bc being an undiagnosed audhd person who also doesn’t realize they’re trans until they’re an adult is inherently traumatic.

I don’t know if there’s any other big stuff I want to/feel like I need to say that’s been going on, not that anybody will probably read all or any of this. But yeah, a lot is going on, but also not much is actively going on. This was a lot longer than I thought it would be. Oops.

[jonquilandlace]

SALEM NO FAIR YOU KNOW I ONLY KNOW 2 PEOPLE ON THIS APP INCLUDING YOU (hi @pinestripes you are regretfully getting dragged into this again)

Okay but on main I also have a lot of WIPs

Jonnie's Fanganronpa Notes: okay but what happened to the kids who grew up DURING Despair, the video game

The Absolute Most Tragical Tale of the Kanno Siblings and Despair: a Danganronpa fanfic and whoops there’s OCs (Kaori and Yukine are my children and I love them)

Dark Young Things V3: The third version of this work lol; Victorian young adults discover ghosts, a conspiracy from ancient times, and witchcraft; decide to be very gay about it, more at 11

Tiriam's Academy for Gifted Students: 1920s young adults go to college, discover a cult, potentially end the world, the video game

Dominions: Biblically accurate angels are also gay and much more rebellious than you’d expect, more at the next parallel universe

Regensburg: So fun fact this was from high school but I still touch it up far too often; it's a TV show script based loosely on The Sound of Music but more focused on the political climate of WWII and the entire thing was started because I decided the Baroness deserved better lmaoooo.

MISC The Shakespeare Cinematic Universe: don't judge me I have hyperfixations and also want more Hamlet content (imagine the bitch meeting Prospero the *drama*), intent is webcomic but might live on my google drive forever instead

HHAAU (“Second” Draft): A cursed girl and her best friend try to stop the end of the world by playing keepaway with said curse, novel variant

All the Night's Edges: A cursed girl and her best friend try to stop the end of the world by playing keepaway with said curse, stageplay variant

Various other I touch up as the urge hits me like literally I probably have 20 going rn and I wonder why I never finish anything—

So obviously as petty revenge I’m tagging you back @thebusytypewriter; already tagged pinestripes sorry my friend; the last time I talked to you was under a different username and on fanfiction when I was like 12 but since I know you write @quillowl you wanna play too? :D

EDIT: I was an idiot I thought we were just badly summarizing our stuff because my brain skipped the first paragraph of this thread it's for the TITLES—

WIP tag game!

RULES: post the names of the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! tag as many people as you have WIPs!

I’m working on something super duper secret so I gotta censor myself here a little, but!

• And The Sky Was Endless

• “You’re doing the thing.”

• What is it that you seek?

• (Un)wanted: Dead or Alive

• Sir Michelancelot’s Quest for Knighthood

I do not know nearly enough people to tag 😭 let’s see… gonna go extremely bold with some of these lmao @mariethemage @mishacakes @rhinocio @galactic-aesir @lunar-lair Hey talented people, get blasted!!

[askamnesiamoonjumper]

So uh.... played legends and now I can’t escape