#my heart my soul cannot

[dailyhmsw]

loop 118

[nukbody]

@dead-finch-420 threatened me only 40% so i better take my chances, but being completely honest having look at those old sketches made me just wanna redraw them all so here we are

[scimagic]

Bro, you genuinely have no idea how much your “Pride and Joy” fic means to me.

As a guy, I’m not really the target audience for it considering the reader is fem (I know you were self-indulging and that’s freaking awesome /sincere) but, man, I love it so much. I personally struggle with having the confidence to show literally anyone, even my very closest friends, my self-ship with Puzzles because of how little I see him being self-shipped with a guy. So, to have a fic were Puzzles outright says that he likes dudes means so much to me.

I know the the reader in the fic is fem and Puzzles stays with her (as he should! Gotta make sure my girlies get all of his stupid tv love) but, my god, the little acknowledgment of him liking men means a lot to me.

So, keep up the good work as always!!!! And keep up with your delicious art!!! It’s all truly stunning! Five stars five stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

(and I’m really sorry if anything in this made you uncomfortable or weirded you out. I’m really not good with my words when it comes to stuff like this, haha)

ANON.... THAT'S.... THE MOST HEARTFELT AND SWEETEST THING ANYONE COULD HAVE EVER SAID TO ME..... ;—;

I want you to know this is one of the biggest honors you could ever give me;; It makes me so so SO DAMN HAPPY to hear how much it meant to you. Even if you're not in the demographic for that specific fic, you are so very welcomed into my audience and I appreciate and love you so much!!

No matter my demographic, I want you to feel safe and loved unconditionally, I want you to have a space that makes you feel comfortable and seen because I DO!! I see you!! I see all my guy self-shippers who struggle with lack of content made for them, with finding safe spaces in the community, who might receive backlash even!! I salute and appreciate every single one of you!!

I've been gushing over your nice words for literally 3 hours I genuinely don't think a thank you is enough!! So I made you a little gift!!

I promise you Mr. Puzzles would love you just as unconditionally, and just as loudly too!!

Anyone has my permission to use this base for themselves but this one... is catered specifically to you, dear anon <3

[breadhalfburnt]

succumbing to the summer weather out here

[sunnydayaoe]

hi i'm the anon that asked about npd mind and i am So Excited for the comic :D just wanted to say that

Sorry I lost motivation pretty intensely halfway though... I hope you still like this haha

Erm put a lot in tags if you want more... actual thoughts on mind instead of tiny bite sized 1-2 panels

[dipplinduo]

🤍🪥❤️🍵Mintteashipping Mutters by the wonderfully talented @doneffect64 🍵❤️🪥🤍

[monstrousvoice]

"What about me?"

Husk's ears flicked behind him at the sound of your voice. He didn't turn away from the stock of bottles and booze lining the bar wall as he cleaned up for the morning.

"What about you?" He grumbled. He heard you shift around on the bar stool, the leather seat squeaking with your weight.

"You said you 'know everything' about everyone cause we all bitch at you when drunk...but you didn't complain about me." The cat demon felt his chest tighten at your words. He took a deep breath in through the nose.

'Don't turn around, if you do you'll see those big round eyes and you'll crack old man. Don't turn around.' The patronizing voice in his head hissed.

"Did you want me to air your dirty laundry for everyone?" He asked, peaking over his shoulder. He only caught a glimpse of your arm supporting you on the bar top before forcing his eyes back to the bottle racks infront of him. Bottles that didn't have your smile, or match the color of your eyes...

"Pfft," You scoff in return, "You know I don't, of course! But no one else wanted it either, and you still called 'em all out. So why didn't I get the same treatment?" Your voice was soft by the end of your question. Husk didn't dare let himself hope that you would be understanding. If you knew why...you'd laugh. What other response to his feelings could you have?

'Disgust is a strong possibility...' The voice whispered once more.

"I don't know what you mean doll, Angel just interrupted me with his fake ass flirting before I could get to you, I guess." He has been scrubbing this same bottle clean since you sat down. The label was incomprehensible by now.

"Husk." Your sweet voice has gone firm. The bartender braced himself, putting on his best poker face as he turned to face you.

And what a sight you were. Like always.

You simply raised your eyebrows, giving him a pointed look. He was...relieved? to not see judgement in your eyes. Such pretty eyes...like jewels on a crown...

Embarrassed by his own thoughts he coughed into his fist, hoping his fur would hide his blush. By the way your lovely eyes darted around his face, he could guess it didn't.

"Look, I just...happen to like you as a drinking buddy more than the rest of these chumps, alright? No big deal." His tail swished along the floor in frustration. What kind of stupid ass lie was that-

"Oh, I had been hoping it was a bigger deal..."

He froze, watching as you shifted around again. You stared at the bar top, fidgeting with your hands as you looked anywhere but him. When your eyes did meet, you have him an apologetic smile and a shrug.

"Sorry, I guess I was reading too much into things...looking for something that isn't there. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, b-bud? Eheh..." With an awkward chuckle you stood up, stepping away from the bar.

Away from him.

"I'll uh, leave you to it then. See ya later-"

"What if I lied?" Husk blurted before he could stop himself. The voice in his head was committing full arson on the wiring of his brain for being so stupid.

"H-huh?"

"Just now. What if I was lying? What if-what if you are a bigger deal to me?" He could feel his blood pounding in his veins, his heartbeat making everything sound muffled, like his head was stuffed with cotton.

But you weren't leaving anymore.

"Wh-well...I don't know, really..." You mumbled, arms wrapping around your middle in a hug. "I have some ideas but..." You met his gaze again, a small smile on your lips that definitely didn't make his stomach feel funny, or make the world seem pink and bright.

"Ideas?" The cat demon whispered, finally setting his rag and bottle down onto the counter. He suddenly found himself leaning closer to you over the bar, uncaring of the wood digging into his chest and unwilling to pull away again. Especially not when you got back into your seat, leaning closer to him too.

It felt like the world slowed to a crawl as you smiled at him, one of your hands sliding across the counter to nudge his hand. Gentle. Hesitant.

"Well, dinner always sounds nice yeah? If that was something you'd like to do~" You cooed. He couldn't stop the small smile he gave you even if he wanted to.

"I'd uh, have to agree. On the dinner. Dinner is always good." Fucking god above just have Alastor step in and crush his soul right now, he sounds so fucking idiotic-

"Great!" You perked up immediately. "I know this niche little place a couple blocks from here, they hardly ever get robbed cause no one notices them. They have some pretty good steak and whiskey." You looked at him hopefully, like the promise of meat with some quality whiskey wasn't his absolute dream date.

How did you get more perfect the longer he spoke to you? Wasn't the point of being perfect that you couldn't improve anymore? And yet here you were, somehow proving it was possible with no effort.

"I think I'd like that darlin'." His fingers found their way in-between yours, entwining your hands together.

Yeah, dinner sounded real nice.

[tatakaeeren]

Same smile…yet so different 💔 | Part 1 | Part 2

[captainsweet]

I AM SO NORMAL I AM SO NORMAL I AM SO NORMAL I AM SO NORMAL I AM SO NORMAL I AM SO NORMAL I AM SO NORMAL I AM SO NORMAL I AM SO NORMAL I AM SO NORMAL I AM SO NORMAL I AM SO NORMAL I AM SO NORMAL I AM- ←(Person who just watched mutant mayhem)

[vaguely-concerned]

ohhhhhhhohohoho taash half-accusingly telling rook 'what would you know? you act like you haven't lost anyone' is soooo good and hits so perfectly for rye in particular (who incidentally was showing his true credentials as varric's spiritual son in giving good advice he has never, ever, not once in his life, actually followed himself. and probably never will! (also the only option at that point in the convo that doesn't give you approval interestingly. taash rightfully doesn't quite buy what rook's selling there lol.) of course it's okay for you to be sad and feel abandoned because your parent figure is gone even though she never meant to leave you. not me though. obviously. that's just going to have to be an untended open grave of a wound in my heart forever there's nothing for it). it's such a good hint as to how odd rook's reaction to varric's death must seem to the rest of the team even as they eggshell tiptoe walk around it. of course no one wants to be the first person to broach the subject with rook. would YOU want to be the first person to break through that weird serene lack of reaction and find out what's hiding beneath it??? because none of the potential answers to that have the outlook of being entirely comfortable. (the real answer being, of course, 'oh shit blood magic empowered denial stage!!!'. which is also not great but would have been good to know sooner probably lol)

in general I LOVE the relationship I've been able to set up and keep developing between these two. there's such a solid throughline that there is so much affection in this relationship... but taash consistently picks up on rye's bullshit (as much about what he tells himself and thinks about himself as anything else, I don't think he means to be deceptive necessarily he's just out of touch with a lot internally), on the lack of complete authenticity that's there however well-meaning. and (probably wisely) keeps that last little bit of distrust and distance because of it. no one in the world could want to help them more earnestly than rook, and his protectiveness and tenderness for them is genuine and from the core. but beneath it all rye is not in a place with himself to be what they really need because at the end of the day and in many ways they're probably already further along in the quest to be true to themselves without apology or obfuscation than he is. and also he's going to get their gf killed inadvertently in a hot second so like. layers. layers of stuff and resentments and broken promises never quite made and reflections never quite faced going on here despite everyone's best intentions every step of the way lmao (which could be the subtitle of this game in many ways so that works out excellently thematically). 'I feel like I'm always letting you down and I'm so sorry' cycle keeps grinding on.

at the same time taash is working through ways to reconcile with and find ways to live with their mother and the memory of her in all her shortcomings because they love her and she means so much to them that they don't want to let it go completely, 'I just have to find a way to hold you that doesn't hurt me so much even if that means I can't clutch you as closely as I might have wanted once'... they're having to do some of the same process with rook. forgiving someone for what they couldn't be for you and finding other ways to get what you need -- not because this person ever meant to let you down, but because they simply don't have the capacity for whatever reason not to, a bit. there's going to be an oh how the turntables moment at some point down the line where taash rounds on rook to bark 'hey asshole forgive yourself already. you can't be everything to everyone and no one's asking you to be but you. and if anyone is asking you to be that they're dicks because that's unfair. stop beating yourself up I don't like having to watch my friends be bullied.' and rye will have to lie awake staring at the ceiling for a couple of nights after that probably. but maybe there's some hope he'll finally listen.

(I think the only person who gets rye completely unfiltered is lucanis by the end. which is not at all reflecting on the rest of the crew -- RYE rarely gets rye completely unfiltered all of those relationships are still very important no matter what lol. but I think lucanis has both the eyes to see through to and understand the truth and the unflinching 'I said all in and I meant all in' nature to accept what he sees without hesitation or quibble when he does, which makes rye finally let the walls come down after the fade jail when everything is in shambles inside. the full mutual People think that intimacy is about sex. But intimacy is about truth. When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them bare and their response is 'You're safe with me'—that's intimacy and so on and so forth deal. which basically is what that big romance scene is about and why it's. everything.)

[vanidrabbles]

Neuvillette: [fully immersed in a new case file, listening to classical music, occasionally sipping his water glass, very focused]

Furina: [upside down on his office's couch] Do you think lakelight lilies have feelings?

[just-another-obsessed-fangirl]

breaking hearts for the fun and it's bloody

day 7 of @jagertittyshipweek: blood (i know it's not day 7 yet, i was just too excited to wait)

bloodless human version here:

[a-dreamersjournal]

Writing is my curse.

Writing is a disease—it truly is. If it weren’t, I wouldn’t feel so infested with words all the time, like remnants of a virus spreading through my veins. Each vessel carries them, replacing every cell, every platelet, with wretched syllables—a testament to the torment shadowing my existence. I want to stop.

Stop the words from bleeding out of me, stop spilling prose from every cut on my skin. I feel like a vessel cracked open, spilling ink instead of blood, a broken jar that can never be sealed. I want to cease inhaling the weight of my being, and stop exhaling poetry in return.

Let me be free from the snares of these words. I don’t need any more evidence of my sorrow. I don’t want to record my suffering anymore. I feel sick—so sick—and I’m terrified that the next time I purge, it’ll be words again. More words. More pieces of my heart, more fragments of my soul, spilling out until nothing is left.

Until the void inside me stretches endless and terrifying, a hollow abyss I’m too afraid to face. It yawns like a black hole, hungry and infinite, pulling me in even as I resist.

Don’t strip me of myself. My grief is all I have left. Take that away, and all that remains will be a husk—a corpse with withering skin and crumbling bones. What was once my solace has now consumed my life, devouring me from within, demanding to be set free.

And yet, as much as I long for release, I know I cannot stop. The words are both my disease and my cure. They fill the void, even as they carve it deeper—an endless cycle, as infinite as the abyss within me. In the end, it doesn’t matter. The words will escape, as they always do, and I will fade. A mere shadow of who I once was, left behind in fragments of ink.

A memory, and nothing more.

[warpedpuppeteer]

Buck was a baby when they took his marrow for Daniel and it failed and Daniel died. How much did his parents blame baby Buck for it?? They can't even stand him when he's an adult I can't imagine how bad it was as a baby?? I'm thinking if they left him crying to himself because they didn't want to deal with him. If they just fed him and changed him and just left him in the crib so that they didn't have to deal with him. And baby Buck is just there all alone babbling to himself because his parents wouldn't care to play with him or comfort him.

I wonder if Maddie had to awkwardly carry a baby Buck from his crib so she can try to play with him or to comfort him when he was bawling so hard his face was red and he was gasping for air and Maddie couldn't stand the fact that their parents didn't do anything. Even if she had just lost her other baby brother. If she had to learn how to make milk just right so that she could feed him anytime, even through her own grief. If she hated changing diapers but she didn't want him to get a rash and so did it anyways. I wonder if she's the one who saw him crawl first. If she saw him holding himself up on furniture to start walking and cheered him and little baby Buck just grinned at her and tried to toddle towards her. I wonder if his first word wasn't mom but "mathie" (because he couldn't say the letter d yet). I wonder if he'd look for her when he was upset, throwing a tantrum when she wasn't there and his parents tried to calm him down but all he screams is "i want maddie!". I wonder if he'd have a nightmare and crawl into Maddie's bed and hide there. I wonder if he asked if he can help her comb her hair and Maddie agrees even though he tangles it. I wonder if Maddie got him his first football, teaching him how to kick a goal.

I wonder if years later, when they're more apart than they've ever been, Buck will curl into a little ball while crying and think about crawling into Maddie's arms to feel loved again. If Maddie thought about hugging Buck really hard and hiding under the covers, so that she could feel safe again, fingers trailing over a postcard he sent, smiling but his eyes sad, hoping that even though he's sad, that he's safe. I wonder if every time Buck travels in the jeep, he feels like Maddie is with him, showing him the way. Maybe he even calls the jeep Maddie sometimes and talks to her, just to feel like she's there.

I wonder if Buck walks Maddie down the aisle and thinks about how he once toddled towards her because she loved him, kept him safe and happy and now Buck gets to walk her towards someone who makes her feel safe and happy and loved. And Maddie thinks finally. Finally they are both happy and safe and together again.

[mitskiluvr]

watched the haikyu movie thinking it was going to be normal but unfortunately i came out battered bruised bleeding and 5 years younger, back in 2019 watching haikyu on my couch and trying to get my sister hooked on it

[codacheetah]

What the hell. Kitty cat