#my heart has just been ripped out
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āMy relationship with my soul is goneā
#eddie diaz#christopher diaz#eddie and christopher#my heart has just been ripped out#911#911 on abc#best father and son duo#give them back#I hate the writers for this
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Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine
#genshin impact#arlecchino#peruere#clervie#ouhhhhhhhh im never gonna be able to emotionally recover from watching that animated short#ever since it came out a couple days ago just thinking of these two makes me feel like my heart is physically being ripped in half#i cant stop thinking about how Clervie was the only person in Arlecchino's life that she truly loved#like dont get me wrong Arlecchino loves her children in her own detached-fucked up way as much as any person with her amount of trauma can#but Clervie meant so much to her that even just her presence alone kept Arle's curse at bay#and it seems that no one other than Clervie herself has ever been able to break this unemotional/detached wall that Arle has put up#and maybe no one else ever will#DONT GET ME WRONG I still fw arle x other female harbingers like that shit is still peak#but oh my god the idea that arle never moved on after clervie's death and will never love anyone the way she loved her makes me want to SOB
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no im gonna yap a little sorry
theres something about this. i watched the stream in my childhood bedroom where i first watched their videos back in 2015. i have my tatinof and ii posters on the wall and i dug out my tabinof from a box to bring to my apartment halfway across the country. who i was at 14 is so drastically different to who i am at 22, and yet so fundamentally the same.
when i started watching them, i was deeply anxious to the point that i was begging my parents pull me from school. and my mom said āwhat if you make friends on the internet?ā
they are my comfort and so are all of you to be honest, finding this corner of the internet and the friends Ive made through it, itās what made me get through my teenage years.
i dont think i have the words, or ever will, to be able to express exactly what this all means to me. i was in a pretty bad place mentally before the renaissance, and coming back to tumblr and the way things used to be brings me so so so much joy
#this is somehow too mushy and vulnerable but somehow also not enough#my heart is so full and it has been ever since october#just imagine me ripping my heart out and giving it to you all and that might have to be enough for tonight#nebulae.speaks#dan howell#phil lester#dan and phil#phan
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Who let the dogs out
#alex g#crywank#saint bernard#sign crushes motorist#birth day#I think I'm funny#not a dog person but these guys got my back#I've been listening to trick a lot for the past few months#It's such a shame winner isn't on spotify#sometimes is so good#I wait for you as well that song has me ripping my heart out#((but that didn't have a dog as cover so it wouldn't fit#boyhood is also such a good album#perfect for rotting in bed#I've been surprisingly better the last week#given the circumstances#maybe the thought that summer break is just around the corner gives me the will to actually push through#seeing friends helps too#anyway i don't know I'm just saying things at this point#I'm still mad at everyone#but less so#no not less so#it's not taking me over that's more what I mean#yes#okay bye#ignore this close your eyes actually#gossip from the salmon runs#anyway if you like these artists I recommend#fairies in our house#and blue smiley
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demon slayer fansā¦ are we doing okay after that last episode?? bc i, for one, am not.
#anime#demon slayer#tanjiro kamado#demon slayer tanjiro#kimetsu no yaiba#kny#anime and manga#kny rengoku#demon slayer rengoku#hashira training arc#what just happened#my heart has been ripped out of my chest#and then trampled on#and then run over by a herd of horses#and then glued back together with silly string#and shoved back into my chest
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I am liking Jujutsu Kaisen, way more than I imagined I would, but I foresee it will let me down and it's keeping me from enjoying this as much as I could haha
I think the characters and dynamics are well set, and I think many of them have an incredibly good and deep potential, but I would be willing to bet they'll not get a proper development, enough for them to really hit. A well assembled set of gears is not enough to make the movement go, you have to wind the clockwork.
I think Gojo and Megumi have a fascinating and very complex dynamic, but I doubt it will be given the time and care that imo it needs to actually work. And it is going well enough for now! One could see the intimacy between them was deeper than the one Gojo had with, say, Yuji and Nobara ever since the very first few episodes despite the fact Fushiguro too was a first year. But the pieces forming what they have are extremely complex, and it just wouldn't be realistic if it doesn't show, even if in a not showing way, or if it doesn't have consequences or implications.
It's one of those dynamics that shape one's life, the way one regards the world, the way one establishes or not relationships with other people. It's one of those dynamics that could be full of fondness, gratitude, resentment, admiration, trust, and that imply intimacy, the good kind or the bad, even if in just the knowledge of someone who's been a constant through your life. It could, and would, imply a myriad of feelings, and probably in such a mix it could imply contradictory feelings too. Even the nothingness would weight, even the nothingness would be significant and meaningful.
Gojo took Megumi and his sister under his wing, the son of a man who murdered him, because of both selfish and selfless reasons. Megumi looks like Toji. What does Gojo feel about this? How does Gojo deal with this? How does Gojo go about taking care of Megumi? Would he walk him to school? Make him breakfast? Celebrate his birthdays making him blow candles? Did he take him to the zoo? Does the relationship between them feel professional or is it something more? Gojo appreciates his students, but is Megumi to him just another student? When Gojo faces Sukuna in Megumi's body, did he see the kid he raised, or does he just see Sukuna in one of his students' body? Did he have one faint wavering instant? And how does Megumi feel about this? Is he resentful of him? Resentful of the situation? Of the selfishness behind his actions? Does he feel like a pawn? Is he grateful? Does he resent feeling grateful? Would he rather not? Does he love Gojo? Does he feel nothing about him other than what he could feel about a teacher that sort of annoys him but knows he's reliable in his strength? Does he think it unfair, cruel or unfeeling that Gojo is close, closer perhaps, with Yuuji or Yuta, considering their story? When Sukuna slices Gojo in two, does the remnants of Megumi's soul tremble?
And not just Megumi and Gojo. Yuuji and Nanami, Gojo and Nanami, Yuuji and Fushiguro, Nobara and the boys, or Nobara and Maki, Todo and Yuuji or Yuta, Gojo and Yuta, Megumi and his sister. Gojo and Geto, even! If the pieces are well set, the dynamics are intriguing, interesting, and have potential to be deep, but then the characters have like two plot relevant scenes that punch you hard, but little more, it's not nearly enough. Especially not nearly enough for the enormity that is shonen dynamics and situations. And the potential existing at all, and then not delivering, makes it all the more frustrating when you're left with something mediocre that could have been so good.
The development of dynamics through not only a few plot relevant gut wrenching moving scenes, but also the smallness of life, is important. The friend who recommended this to me said that those things were just unnecessary filler, but I disagree. I think there's a big difference between a large amount of anime-only filler episodes whose existence is based on the fact they had run out of manga chapters to animate, and moments of quietness. The low stakes character-driven moments of quietness can be so telling and so insightful, and they are so satisfactory when brought back later in higher stakes situations. My friend teased me there was no scene of Gojo making breakfast to Megumi, that it would be an idiotic idea, but it would be so telling. How he makes breakfast, what they eat, if he tries hard or if it's all mechanised, if they have personal bowls or if they use whatever, if he just buys them some pastry on the way to school, if the way they have breakfast changes through the years, or if he doesn't make them breakfast at all! All that would be very insightful on their dynamic and its evolution. All that would give a glimpse on how they regard each other and why, even in the present. All that could become meaningful in tense situations and high stakes scenes.
These moments also let the plot breath; if a lot is happening all the time, if every character is always experiencing trauma after trauma, the entire story is so emotionally draining that at some point you don't even care all that much. Besides, these nothing moments or low stakes plot arcs, besides deepening and developing dynamics, also let some in-world time pass, which would make the intimacy and bond between characters more believable imo; between Yuuji eating Sukuna's finger and their last confrontation in December how much time has passed? A few months? Am I truly to believe these characters are so everything to each other in only a few months?
Without some smallness, some repetition, some daily life, some low stakes not plot-centric development, the dynamics don't hit, they don't truly feel fleshed out, and dynamics as complex as the ones Megumi and Gojo have, or as supposedly meaningful as the one Megumi has with Yuuji or his sister, should be fleshed out if they're going to exist at all. Otherwise they'd risk making the writing feel awkward and fake. Besides, if the dynamics felt well fleshed out and realistic, they would shape the way the characters interact and act, and how they deal with situations, thus being plot relevant.
The shonen genre has so much happening all the time, the stakes are so high, the dynamics are so rooted in big events and the relationships carry enormous weight and implications. Yet they barely get developed, and it feels so stupid, so plain, the absence of something so important noticeable like a constant void, a shapeless nothingness present in every scene. It makes the characters feel like cardboard figures. Jujutsu Kaisen is already getting a better job than many, but I doubt it will do enough for what I've heard, and I fear I am bound to feel let down, and bound to feel unmoved.
After all, if not enough time and care has been given to develop a dynamic, I am not going to feel pressured by the high stakes; if not enough time and care has been given to develop the dynamic between Megumi and Yuuji, as good potential as it has I am bound to feel little for this last confrontation between Sukuna and Itadori, and his effort in getting Megumi back.
#It's not that I think everything has to be character driven or take a lot of care about dynamics#Death Note for instance works well without it. There's juice in the dynamic between Light and his father and the role of Matsuda there#and it works well with Light's views and their evolution and the whole Kira situation. It isn't much. It doesn't need more#But Death Note doesn't truly drop something as big as Gojo and Megumi to then do barely nothing about it#('But L and Watari' not the same at all. That was deepened in the anime and besides Watari is not one of the main characters)#Or Megumi and his sister. If we see barely nothing of Megumi and his sister other than shiny flashbacks of her#how am I to feel moved by it all beyond superficial emotions? I don't know. It just feels so like cardboard to me#And it annoys me! It annoys me a lot! Because Jujutsu Kaisen has amazing potential! The dynamics and characters could be amazing!#But I don't trust they'll live to their full potential and the potential existing for nothing is ruining this for me xD#Jujutsu Kaisen#Sorry this time I'm tagging it. I want to find this and see if I was right when I'm finished. I think I'll read the manga too#The condescending filler breakfast comment by my friend was ironic considering the Kramer vs. Kramer breakfast scenes exist#Breakfast can be so telling. And besides he loves the Chainsaw Man coffee scene so I don't get why not breakfast#But truly some small daily life moments can tell us a lot about a character that we could recognise later on in high stakes scenes#such as how they deal in tense situationsā what makes them snap#how they go about dealing with a problem.#Sometimes it could be smaller moments or conversations what makes characters reconsider thingsā not just having Sukuna rip their heart out#In Pandora Hearts the conversation between Elliot and Oz about the book series they love and their favourite characters becomes key#Oz's development and how he regards thingsā his own personā and how he deals with situations will be shaped later on by this conversation#till the very end. The entire main character's development is shaped by a 'filler' conversation.It's not filler. It's just not a fight scen#Shonen manga readers find everything filler except for fights which is ironic considering that many fights in shonen feel unnecessary#Breakfast is unnecessary. Just filler. Fighting thirty seven secondary monsters or chapter after chapter of physical training is not. Okay#Things can be small but plot relevant. If it shapes and fleshes out and deepens a character or a relationship it is not filler#And mainly MAINLY for the love of everything good if you're going to make a fucked up or Meaningful Beyond Everything dynamic#give it time and care. Actually write it. Don't give me two panels and one conversation after some life and death situation. It's not enoug#Especially if I'm to believe they are important. Make me believe they actually are#I don't know... This issue with not trusting the development of very well set potential in Jujutsu Kaisen#has not only been keeping me from thoroughly enjoying the seriesā but actively keeping me from watching for weeks#It makes me doubt if I want to spend my time in this at all since after all time is limited and we can but spend it in a handful of things#A pity. I really love some things and I really think Megumi and Gojo could be everything to me haha the Heathcliff/Hareton vibe gets me
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bro this album. .. .
#bear ghost#jiminy bear ghost#bear ghost jiminy#bear ghost band#artists on tumblr#GO LISTEN TO BEAR GHOST!#there is not a SINGLE bear ghost song i do not like#literally the ONLY band where i like every single song its INSANE#BTBBRBBBQ was my most played song in my spotify wrapped this year also lmao#but bro oh my GOD vulture????#vulture ripped my heart and soul out. it slaughtered me. it burned down my crops. it poisoned my water supply.#i have NOT been the same since that song#fheohiew i just love this band SO much it has dethroned the band that was my fave for 20 years congrats bear ghost you did the impossible
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look i know we have like a mere ~43 minutes to tie it all up next sunday, but in addition to urgent matters, there is to me the very pressing issue of making clear what the actual fuck was up with that egregiously evil show lestat put on at the trial, weirdness and all. the one non-book-fans may not question bc, yknow. evil? as well as that entire first season where lestat was sold to the public as 500 pounds of pure asshole in a 10 pound sack
but iām kind of nervous weāre not going to get clarity?
āIf you noticed Lestat was acting a bit off during certain moments of the play, you were right to think something was going on. There are things in the second book in The Vampire Chronicles series, The Vampire Lestat, that better contextualize Lestatās behavior in this moment. We wonāt reveal that book plot here, but Reid says āseeds are placedā in the trial and in next weekās finale. At the time of publication, the series has not yet been renewed for a third season. If it is renewed, showrunner Rolin Jones previously told TV Insider that it will be an adaptation of The Vampire Lestat.ā
(oh pls we all know the renewal is a sure thing but anywayā)
SEEDS ARE PLACED?
WEāRE PLACING SEEDS, AMC???
be for so real right now and do not tell me i have to wait another two years for the overdue āoh actually there were Reasons, i know we made him out to be a flaming (charismatic) dickwad for the non-book-reader to despise again and again and again, but actually lestatās not soooo bad, not entirely, we were just fucking with your mindā
iām breathing. itās not sunday yet. maybe all will be well. iāve only been waiting patiently since ā22 to have this poor bastard loathed 2% less in the court of public opinion. i have NERVES
#obviously louis de pointe du lac is of my greatest concern for the finale#but christ actually wept if this has been 15 episodes of pissing on lestatās characterization bc Memory Is A Monster with no correction to#the record#in any definitive way#i#iām#youāre going to hear my deranged laugh FROM ANOTHER CONTINENT#but#but.#they assured us it would be satisfying. so letās hope thatās like a relatable metric#iwtv spoilers#iwtv#iām not looking for spoilers#im just. fragile.#episode 7 ripped out my heart went at it with hammers
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Thinking about how most of the times we see Kol in tvd he's acting as errand boy for his siblings, starting with Rebekah asking him to kill Matt at the ball. If he cared solely about killing someone to spit in the face of Esther's rules he could have killed anyone else after Rebekah changed the plan. The second time, he's in Denver with Jeremy and texts Klaus to let him know if there's anything else his brother needs from him. And later Klaus calls on him to use his presence with Jeremy to threaten Bonnie into undoing the linking spell. Then he's there again to kill Mary when he finds out from Klaus that the mfg are trying figure out who they're sired from after breaking his cover in Denver. He's not even in series 4 up until Rebekah gets undaggered and suddenly he's there to retrieve the professor for her
I just think it's interesting that he's characterised as the volatile and reckless sibling and in the originals we learn that he constantly feels like an outsider in his own family with Klaus, Rebekah and Elijah making up their own little trio with Finn daggered. And yet anytime they need something he's there, almost as though he's still desperately trying to endear himself to them until he inevitably lashes out and gets daggered for it, his efforts constantly unappreciated. The only time he asks them for a favour that I can recall is when he swears Rebekah to secrecy about the dagger he's working on against Klaus only for her to tattle and get him daggered
#TVD#TVDu#Kol Mikaelson#The Mikaelsons#sibling dynamics#this isnt even from the lb i just realised while i was trying to make a sandwich so here you go#i just find the family dynamic with the mikaelsons interesting particularly how the characters are presented by their siblings vs how they#actually behave cus the two frequently dont line up and i think thats fascinating cus hes a group of people that should know you better#than anyone the family youve spent centuries with but ironically their perception has been twisted by those centuries distorted by#past perceptions ongoing grudges and personal misconceptions like rebekah being labelled as having worse anger issues than klaus yet that#not being what were shown elijah being labelled as noblr while being the most likely to rip someones heart out klaus being labelled as#heartless while being desperate for connection and loyalty finn being labelled dull what in love with finn and being a fanatic etc etc#also not to put my shipper goggles on but i think thats why kennett apeaks to me cus bonnie will also do anything for her loved ones even#to her own detriment and kol has the same trait just tainted by a millennia of betrayal and bloodshed#the mikaelson are such interesting example of how even the sweetest of relationships can be warped by time and betrayals
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These bad takes on why Blitz is the worst person ever and Stolas is perfect lil bby who did nothing wrong ever are slowly killing me lol
#help I'm feral over this show I've binged like 4 times in a row in the last week lol#neither of them is to 'blame'#they both have reasons they are acting the way they did#and pretending that stolas didn't feed into blitz's perception of their relationship early in season 1 is just ignoring half the show lol#like I get it I also feel just awful for stolas#like look my way makes me SOB and just UGH their whole thing rips my heart out#but to be mad at Blitz who through a lifetime of trauma has convinced himself he's unloveable#and has been called an 'impish plaything' by this same demon professing love to him now#and saw him look embarrassed (which blitz interprets to be as embarrassed by him) at ozzies#and just UGH#of course he reacted the way he did#and once he realized he hurt stolas wanted to start trying to fix it#I just FUCK#it's so beautifully written and nuanced and people are like 'no fuck blitz he's the worst'#I mean WHAT#sorry#I just#I can't lol
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*sobbing into a pillow* i miss kimchay
#rewatching kinnporsche and having feelings#i haven't even gotten to kimchay yet#i just saw jeff's face in the intro and felt like my heart has been ripped out of my chest stepped on and then thrown off a cliff#maybe if i wish for it enough tomorrow i'll wake up in a universe where kimchay got a spin-off series and a happy ending on screen#kimchay#tea's ramblings#i want to work on my fics but i'm so tiredddd#i'm incapable of moving#i dragged too many boxes and suitcases up three flights of stairs today#my poor noodle arms are dead
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#personal#soo ive discovered a giant hole in my back tooth because medicare doesnt cover dental except for children#and so i havent been since i was 21 and i try to maintain tooth health at home but im not very good at it#due to being raised wrong about it and also autistic and i cant afford even a basic clean and checkup#which is what i was actually looking in my mouth and deciding i need which would be about 300 bucks already#and now im scared to eat anything because i definitely cant afford to make this worse š#genuinely so much bad shit has happened and every time its like. ok ill pick myself up cause no one else will and dust off and things#will be fine in the end they always are and my heart believes this will be fine too but i dont remember the last time i was#this genuinely legitimately scared. im so scared and i dont know what to do#i know the next steps is to call dentists in my area tomorrow and check if they do medicare but i feel i already know the answer#idk if its better to have looked or to not and be able to live my life but its food time and i cant make myself eat#im scared to make it worse im scared of the pain that might cause im scared of the upward 2k damage costs if it gets worse#fuck#fucking fuck#okok panick attack over i have a two step plan: part one call around tomorrow and see if anyone takes medicare#part two: i have pliars and towels and painkillers and a lot of conviction in both my diy skills and my caring for my own wounds skills#in the mean time just be more dilligent to brush immediately after eating and ill grab mouthwash too as soon as i can as im currently out#i have a family friend whos a vet maybe theyve ripped out a rotted dogs tooth or two before and could help. but ill cross that bridge#when i get to it fir neow i should check with real dentists before making assumptions. and eat because ive been crying and shaking#and was already hungry and now am exhausted. from the aforementioned shaking and crying and need to eat even more#in all cases. dentist on medicare being the best obviously but in all cases im gonna ask to keep my tooth. unless i do it i dont need to ask#but i forgot when i had my wisdoms out a a few years ago. holy fuck that was like a decade ago actually wtf#ima make a necklace out of it since its just the one and not a pair#and just like that things will be fine. as expected as they always are once the panick mode is done im ok i have a plan and im good
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Twins
#6#Trigun Stampede#Trigun#Vash the Stampede#just a disclaimer I have not seen episode 3#Because Iām watching JYB#But when knives shows up like#And I found a brush for his knives#Credit to mercurialcrown on twitter#Lifesaver#and I had to use it#Update I have started the ā98 anime#On ep. 17 at the moment#Do you understand how many times my heart has been ripped out of my chest starting at ep. 12#Too many#and thereās still 9 more eps and a movie to get to I canāt deal with this#Legato I hate your guts#You started all this#And now look where we are#Anyway#yeah twinsssssssssss#Theyāre cool
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Two weeks and I'm still constantly crying. I just can't believe I'll never see him again.
I feel so weird to be knocked out like this.
It's like THIS time I reached and crossed my limit.
My brain is still in "I don't want to believe this" mode. It's too painful.
#mourning#i dunno since I'm not family or close friend i feel like i should be expected to get better after 2 weeks#I KNOW THIS IS A WEIRD THING TO THINK#i don't know what the social expectations about mourning colleagues is#all i know is that it's like a hole has been ripped into my heart#also the longer i think about it the more i realize that apart from my team partner he's probably the only one to knock me out like that#like what are the odds#this sounds so evil but I'm bad at communicating#all of my colleagues would have made me sad but this guy i was. stupidly protective of inside my own heart i realize.#it's probably the mutual autism lol#but seriously i just. i can't really cope. this is such a nightmare.#death cw
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listening to shrike
#itās like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and is now just getting punched repeatedly#shut up carley
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Have you watched the most recent episode of fools gold? And if so, opinions on the new look of sips?
#that is how i feel after the lastest fools gold episode#but in all seriousness i absolutely ADORE Baby Monkey Sips#my man has been through so much and i just know that he will get the healing he needs with a family that loves him#10 outta 10#it ripped my heart out then gave me a cute baby monkey in return lol#also if you want more context to the weird glitchy dog in the Shinji Pose:#i recommend going to my artblog lol#the @ is in my profile description lololol
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