#my hands can't stop typing
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i cannot ever get over gi-hun actually. the fact that he chooses to believe in the good of humanity even after witnessing what he has, and that he joins the games AGAIN with (mathematically) even LESS chances of survival JUST because he wants to save people, people who DON'T CARE, people who are SELFISH and who continuously betray and hurt him just fucking KILLS ME. a very big critique from many people (and i've noticed, especially men) about the second season and gi-hun's character is that he is stupid. they find him to be stupid that he has this weak spot for an uncaring crowd, that he comes back to the games to save people who wouldn't think of him twice, instead of going to his daughter. they think that him caring and despising a system this deeply is a sign of weakness and stupidity.
but if anything, i find it admirable. maybe i can't bring myself to hate him because i think i'd do the same thing. i watch him on-screen and think, "yeah, i would do that too", every single mistake, every single thing, i get him. and he may look stupid to some but i think if anything, he's just too caught up in an ideal world in which people care, but i find it admirable that this is his personality even after witnessing the previous games. he still has hope, they haven't wiped it away from him. comparing him to in-ho is like night and day, because in-ho was broken by the games and came back to perpetuate that same hurtful system, while gi-hun was broken by the games and came back to break the people that created the system, and the system itself.
he speaks to me, as an individual who clings to hope until his very last breath, who can never seem to learn from his mistakes because he is so stubborn, he wants to prove that humanity could, and should, have hope and that it's worth to fight for it, not to just leave for a different continent and forget about it. that's what draws me to him, this endless fight in him, i can't find him stupid because he's so desperate to change things. and he never gives up even after his friends die before him.
idk i just am really unwell about gi-hun. i think people treat him too harshly. i'm unsure how well this is worded, but what i really want to say is that i don't think he should be perfect and immediately learn from every single mistake he has ever made. the fact that he is this broken given his past, even before the games he's set up as this really caring and traumatized individual, and that they double down on his same characteristics that make him so incredibly real... he's just really special to me. i really admire the way he is written and i think he's a really good representation of people who fight for a change even when it all seems lost. he's just that kind of guy that doesn't, couldn't, will never give up. and i really love that.
#he's so fucking stubborn and i get why people see him as an idiot; because they're people that think things don't change#that people will always stay the same and life will never get any better; people who don't have fight in them; people without hope#but that's exactly why i like gi-hun; he's the opposite of them; he wants to change things and for things to change even if it kills him#and to his last fucking breath he will want things to change; to his last breath he will rebel against the system#maybe he shouldn't have come back to the games; maybe he should've gone to america to live a life of comfort; maybe he should have stopped#fighting a long time ago#but he didn't. because he's not that type of person. he's the type of person that keeps fucking fighting. until his very last breath.#i think he's a really beautiful character. that's the only way i can describe him atp: beautiful. he's got a kind soul. he has hope.#i understand why some people don't like him or disagree with his morals; i really do. i do sometimes think there's no hope and that the -#system and that people will never change. but there need to be people like gi-hun for things to change.#you can't just forget about the games and go to america to live a life of comfort; ignoring the fact that things are bad for fake comfort.#sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands and go out and rejoin those damn games. even if it kills you.#there needs to be people like gi-hun in this world. there just needs to be.#we would never get anywhere without people like gi-hun.#seong gi hun#gi hun#player 456#squid game#character analysis#my rambles
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(a small additional scene for the murderbot fic I'm working on; one of my OC SecUnits meeting Murderbot for the first time. Dunno if it's gonna appear in the story itself and it's got zero spoilers so here)
Even though your disguise is good, I recognize what you are from a single image, but you don't return my ping. I watch the scatter of your drones with our cameras as you follow your humans through the habitat. You move almost like one of them, shifting your weight and sighing expressively. Your face is fluid, loud in the disinterest and anger barely covering the underlying tension.
Our supervisor invites your humans to sit, and you are not invited. You sit anyway.
You are marked as a threat and I can focus almost all of my attention into one camera that has the best angle on your face, but in the privacy of my neural tissue I can't hide from the fact that the danger you are isn't the reason I'm looking. I think I understand what SU2 feels when it fixes a drone at a planetary view and focuses its attention there. I shouldn't look at you, not this much, not for these reasons, but I find I can't look away.
I send a ping. You ignore it. Our supervisor asks to buy you and you interject, but you don't have to. Your humans refuse, and one of them says, "It is a person, not a property."
The other agrees, "It's not negotiable."
I send a ping, and you ignore it but send a drone to where my camera is, hiding yourself from view behind a tiny lense. I switch to another camera, a worse angle, but can still see you scoff.
You must be in our systems somewhere, but I can't find a single trace. I could raise an alarm based on the feeling I have, but feelings aren't proof and aren't quantifiable. I don't.
I send a ping instead.
The response ping is forceful like a dare.
There is nothing in the protocol about how to interact with a rogue that isn't a hostile, and I stumble away from the interaction. You scoff again and lean back in your chair, and I have to look anywhere but at you.
SU1 picks up the surveillance after my retreat. I go on a patrol. SU2 forwards a drone view as the local star begins to set. When I return to the habitat, you and your humans are long gone, and I guess I will never see you again.
When I see you again you are designated Hostile. I have protocols for that.
#as narrated by SU3 (full designation AG1SU3; all three share the AG1- part) who is not Three but I ended up with my own 3#SU3 is having emotions over seeing a free rogue SecUnit but can't handle acknowledging them so it doesnt#and then they fight. and that's technically how the whole mess that is the story of the fic begins :3#this is what goes on in my mind while i get repeatedly stabbed with needles (getting a tattoo). i had to type it with one hand right then#mb's pov's like “trying to get your mind off of fucking corporates with sanctuary moon but their damn secunit wouldnt stop pinging you”#murderbot#the murderbot diaries#murderbot fanfic#my writing#Carelessness#< that's the fic's name btw
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-a bit Manga Spoiler ahead-
The more I think about it the more I just don't know what to feel about doing Miharu's arc before doing an extended hand story ><
tbh I feared them doing that and was talking about this with a friend before the Miharu's arc preview even dropped but since they did a pretty good job so far this season unlike the past two, I wanted to have faith ...
maybe it's fine to do it after which would result in different reaction yet reach the same end plus it's up to oneself to decide how to perceive something ...
personally speaking, I don't want Miharu's arc before the extended hand story ... for me it won't hit the same ...
don't get me wrong ... be it I saw it before or after I know Miharu's arc will always be special to me ...
but you know, being "special" hold different kind of meaning ... the Miharu's arc being "special" without an extended hand prior knowledge will be different than it being "special" with that knowledge beforehand .... it won't be same for me ... the experience will be different .. the reaction will be different ... I don't know if I make any sense but don't know how to explain it well enough ><
I'm not only talking about how Seiji's reaction is different in both stories when Natori offered him help .. nor am I talking about how their relationship in it was pretty positive by its end ...
it's something more than just those ...
a glimpse at Seiji's family burden
Seiji's sad wish of wanting a Shiki
Natori trying to understand him
it's those little details, those unspoken things that change your view of characters and character's reaction in stories ...
that's why when you read/watch Miharu's arc with this knowledge it makes it so different ... everything is just so different since Miharu's arc expand on those same ideas while adding more .. this same burden .. this same sad wish .. this same delicate and complicated relationship between Seiji and Natori ...
Miharu's arc something too special for me, that it felt unreal to have sometimes ... but I don't think it would've been so without an extended hand story ..
as I said it would've been still special even without it but wouldn't be the same kind of special :)
also, I guess the questions and mystery would've been different in a way too by the end of it or throughout the story ...
I know cuz what I asked about and was killing myself to know throughout Miharu's arc was questions I wouldn't have asked nor considered if I didn't know an extended hand beforehand ^^
anyway, in the end since the anime team decided to change the order of events, I hope Manga reader don't ruin anything for anime-only or spoil an extended hand for them for the sake of Miharu's arc (surely the anime will adapt it) or make them feel they're missing something out if they didn't ask for it themselves ...
let them live and enjoy their own type of experience and memories while we watch over them silently ^^
I'm only sharing my view and emotions regarding the matter since I can't deny I'm a bit sad since I wanted my friend to live through the same experience as close as possible but oh well ...
#natsume yuujinchou#natsuyuu#matoba seiji#natori shuuichi#I've been thinking about this the whole week so wanted to let it out ><#I guess asking for an extended hand this season was too much ...#I wonder what type of reaction those anime-only will have after Miharu's arc ?#what will they think and feel ? I'm curious ...#yet at the same time I'm thankful to be a manga reader ...#because it gave me such a dear and special memory ...#the manga overall is just had something the anime no matter what they can't capture well enough ...#I wonder why sometimes ?#oh I'll stop here I start getting tired ....#actually I wanted to write all of that in better and clear form ...#yet I guess I'm not in the best state to do that which might result in me talking nonsense ....#even my mind lag in english .....#ugh ....
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I want a ship war *people raising their pitchforks* to happen in the Roku fandom. *people lower the pitchforks, confused* That only yaoi fans can deliver.
I want 30 page analyses on which ship is better: Rozin (Sozin/Roku) or Yazin/Sosu(?) (Yasu/Sozin).
And then I need 30 more pages on why one char is the uke/bottom and the other is the seme/top.
Then I need the yuri fans to grab a sword and draw blood while they figure out the same for Zeisan and who she should be with: Dalisay vs Rioshon. Or if both Rioshon and Dalisay should cut their losses and kiss instead.
C'mon fandom I believe in you. Deliver on these ship wars 2000s internet era style. It's not delivery, it's toxicity~! uwu
#is this a shit post? yes but I kinda want it to happen....for the bit#rozin#zoku#yazin#sosu#reckoning of roku#chronicles of the avatar#i'm craving internet ship toxicity from the early 2000s today fkdlsajfdklsaj#there was a specific passion#zeisan fumbles both bags like a loser#dalisay and rioshon kiss instead#rioshon shows dal a cool rock and her world gets rocked moments later#no no you see Dal and Rio are both are Sozin's hit list#this feels like a sequel post to me asking the old man yaoi/old woman yuri fans to carry Kyoshi/Yangchen's books to getting animated#'careful silly! people might start shipping roku/yasu next' then we'll know we've made it if it gets to that point *sobs*#(I don't want it to happen but fandom's gonna fandom it's like asking for the sun to not rise tomorrow we can't stop it)#this is an actual plea I want to read your dissertations on the ships. I need some joy sparked TT0TT#(my ass gonna regret posting this. is it a bit? kinda. but ajkfljlsdalf feeling second hand embarrassment from it even as I type jkfldsajf)
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Went into writing this fic as a kind of Theo goes overboard trying to woo Liam in embarrassing ways to an over 10k monstrosity of idiots in love with secondhand embarrassment
#Why am I surprised?#Thiam#teen wolf fics#I say this every damn time#help I can't talk to people but my hands won't stop typing
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05. September - Bathtub Girl
A lot of different triggers that I need to process and document.
I had very graphic nightmares last night. It started with me having to get married to my sister - which was so wrong. Then I dreamed of him. Being kept in a small, dark room. Being abused and something about the bathtub girl too.
Then, later today, I accompanied my roommate to the hospital. On our way there, during the bus ride, we had a conversation that reminded me of the bathtub girl too. I felt like crying. I was so close to having a full blown PTSD panic attack in the bus but managed to keep my calm. It made it feel like what I remember is real. At least it affects me.
Then later in the evening I watched a movie with my other roommate. Something about it triggered me too. The way the wallpaper looked in this hotel room. The dead people that were shown in the bathtub. I felt like I got so close to remembering the missing puzzle pieces. I felt scared I would have one of these bad movie like flashbacks that make me scream and cry in fear. I had to repeat to myself, I am safe. It is 2024. I am with R. and he is a safe person to be around. I am in his room. It is 2024. I am safe.
Then I went outside to smoke my last cigarette of the day and when I looked at the stars in the darkness, I was suddenly on that street again. In front of his house and I saw her face again. For a second. I saw it so clearly. When I went to my room again, I had to chant I am safe. I am safe. It is 2024. I am safe.
I'm scared to go to bed tonight. Scared of sleeping, scared of the dark. Scared of having nightmares, of having flashbacks. Scared of the missing puzzle pieces and of seeing her again. Of all of my memories, I fear her the most. I fear what he did to her, what he was capable of. I fear what he forced me to watch. And that he is still out there, that she is still out there and no one knows what was done to her. That no one ever found her.
#personal posts#tw abuse mention#abuse implied#ask to tag#now I feel close to tears again#tears of sheer fear and horror#I have to ground myself somehow#stop my hands from shaking#I think it's time to talk about her#but bringing her to light... it feels impossible#I can't give a name to what he did to her#so I'm sorry for not trigger warning this properly#i just can't say it#not even type it#tw trauma
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one problem with felix is that I keep going 'oh you know what would be a completely logical consequence of the life circumstances he's experienced which are completely different than mine' where the answer is something I almost immediately recognize as being devastatingly relatable to myself
#AWFUL. HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING.#and then every time being like 'OKAY DAMN MAYBE NOT THIS THEN'#but on the other hand it MAKES SENSE AS COMING FROM WHATEVER BACKSTORY THING I WAS BUILDING IT OUT OF--#the thing about OCs in general is you can't help spilling yourself into them and it Feels Some Type Of Way every time I notice#but with felix it keeps happening upfront and I keep noticing immediately and going HEY STOP THAT.#[trait] or [feeling] or [preference] stems from a COMPLETELY different place for me!#why does taking wildly different paths from different starting points keep bringing me to the same horrifyingly telling destinations#or in the other direction-- 'oh I want him to have [trait] because that will be fun to roleplay and fits his concept'#'hmm I imagine a reason he might have [trait] would be [DEVASTATINGLY RELATABLE FEELING/ THOUGHT PROCESS]'#nooo oh my god that CAN'T be why. it can't be because of something directly inside of my me I have to think of something else#the thing is it's not JUST that it's devastating in the Too Real sense or devastating in the Too Revealing sense#or that it's embarrassing because it doesn't feel very creative#I also do!! want him to continue to be his own guy!! I don't WANT him to drift towards true self-insert#that kind of loses the shine for me a little :') it's better if he's-- like all my other OCs-- his own guy#whom I can also work through and/or project SOME!! stuff onto. SOME!! a normal dnd character amount!!! auughhh
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It's past midnight. I took my adhd meds too late in the day and now I cannot sleep. Do I get up and do something productive with my time? Work on one of my WIP fics? Work on the model I've been redesigning? Make those videos i need to have done by Wednesday? Don't be silly!
No, it's a much more efficient use of my time to scroll through the tags of my favorite side character from the show with a very small fandom that's become my most recent hyper fixation. Have I literally gone through every post with this character tagged? Yes. Yes, I have. But will I go through them again because I need more of this character? Also yes.
Will any of this help me sleep? No, absolutely not.
#i thought bjtm would be the smallest fandom i actively participated in#i was incorrect#send help#i would like to sleep at some point#also more inspector valentine content#i am writing a shameless self insert fic because no one can stop me#but i just had surgery on my hand and typing is REALLY hard right now#and my scatter brained self can't come up with cohesive plot without writing it down#inspector valentine#father brown
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hate hate hate that I am no longer used to write on my phone.
#I would write 1000-1500 words at night by simply typing on my phone at 1am#but now I don't feel like I am able to even write a short scene#and I have to wait until I'm home to get to my computer#but it'll be too late (aka 10 pm) when I get there and by 11pm I have to be in bed so I can wake up at 6am again#let me fix these fucking chapters 😭😭 my hands are itchy to fix this awful continuity error#so I can update once a week as I wanted to#if I finish chapter 5 and get to chapter 6 maybe I can post chapter 4 but I need to have chapter 5 completely done#cuz I have Jessica have a silent meltdown at the end of chapter 5 that I'm no longer happy with#cuz it's a bit too convoluted even for me#and I hate how little free time I have#I was supposed to work on it from 6:45pm to 7:30pm on my tablet cuz I bought a keyboard so technically it's like a mini pc#but my uni friends felt the need to keep me company so they invited me to a bar to drink something#and I couldn't tell them that I actually wanted to be alone to write some dumb fanfiction#so I accepted and while I enjoyed it. I couldn't stop thinking about this fic 😭#I can't even read others' ff cuz my mind is just thinking about mine.#I already feel bad about not being able to comment per chapter anymore as I used to#so I have to give it my utmost attention at least#whatever. me rambling.#personal
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'did leliana know about the background sebhawke marriage—' obviously. obviously. she didn't tell anyone because she thought it was very sad funny and that's all she has to say about it
#marian who fucking hates leliana: i can't believe she didnt tell everyone about my damning secret marriage to the guy who hates me now#leliana: surana stopped replying to my letters when i became justinia's left hand when will she write to me again... oh the hawke thing? id#something pretty sad about inquisition era leliana to me. where's her friends#anna's fic notes#sebastian and marian worked together bc for several years they were a very similar type of hypocrite#and the love was there but when one of you lets anders go and the other one invades kirkwall it's like. well. what good was it all.
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trying so hard to rest my wrist but my lesbian pirates are calling to me like sirens and i've just found a bunch of old ideas i adore and GENDERENVY has been neglected for far too long and
#sami rambles#this is so irritating#also it's just instinctual yknow#i have to put my right hand under a cushion or something to stop it getting involved in the typing#but then it reappears and it takes me too long to realise and then i have to pause to do that#and typing with just my left hand takes like twice the time#so my meds have finally got my brain moving at a normal speed but now my hands can't keep up with my brain :D#loving life!!
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He'll growl and bite at Roman's dogs if they even boof at him.
Type Bingo || Accepting!
Rorschach's threat towards his dogs is quickly drowned out by a terrifying scream, the sort of primordial sound one might expect from an enraged pterodactyl. How dare he? Roman slaps the letter as though it had personally offended him and it did because the stinking vigilante had scored unusually high, far too high for the crime lord's comfort. "Why you-you! Little son of a bitch!" Roman roars. He's so angry he can't get any more words out, breaking out into furious Italian that even somebody fluent in the language wouldn't understand the rate he was talking at. Grabbing the paper, Roman tears it in two, Rocco and Dante's boofing escalating to frantic booms as they feed off the manic energy in the air. Roman was incandescent with rage and not even a bottle of whiskey was going to calm it.
#the-rorschach-mask#memes ;; bingo type#Did this a little out of order but I kept going back to look at it and laugh#Roman is so upset because Rorschach scored WAY higher than he expected#And he called him a filthy perv#Roman: Bitch the only filthy one here is you!#I feel my writing slipping but I'm holding onto that momentum with grim determination#So apologies if this response seemed janky I just#Can't stop laughing because Rorschach got him good hah!#Love the little edits btw#Rorschach be small but he be a handful even for Roman!
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drawing my first comic in a WHILE and it is . SO stupid
#not art#head in my hands type comic#and im getting the like. cramp pain shakes my hand is fucking TREMBLING but i can't stop until the work is done etc
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nothing like the process of applying for school disability accommodations that makes you feel quite that same mix of "too disabled to function" and "obviously faking it"
#dear university please just let me type my notes#my wrists are falling to shambles i can't handwrite for seven hours straight#yeah i know the course schedule is self imposed but thoae were the only times those classes were available#anyway currently trying not to have panic attacks about this and also forcing myself not to just say fuck it and stop trying#and wreck my hands further by forcing myself to handwrite#i always forget how fucking triggering it is to have to convince people that yes i am indeed disabled#even though i now have no fewer than four doctors who are like hey how did your prior doctors let this get so bad
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'𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐒`
'needy jjk!man × fem!reader`
`filthy, dirty, kinky'
dominate, submissive, size kink, underwear sniffing kink, fat cock, breeding, knotting, nipple play, degrading kink, cummin in pants, etc...
you're a filthy slut aren't you? there's no point of denying it anymore. no point of feeling confused and frustrated one why you're such a perverted dirty whore, on why your pussy is always begging for cock, on why your mind is corrupted with lewd dirty thoughts that can't be said out loud.
you finally realized that you're just a pathetic needy slut who needs a fat cock to turn her insides into mush from rutting into her cervix. who needs her dirty fantasies to be true. and you have finally met someone who can turn them into reality. someone's who's just as needy and pathetic as you.
"aw does my sweet baby wants me to suck on his little hard nipples? hm?" you coo at your boyfriend, who has a whiney frown on his face. his mouth falls open as he whines giving you a full view of his wet tongue that you wanna suck on.
"tch, i told you to stop calling me that" he huffs out embarrassed at how turned on he is by your words. you chuckle before squeezing one of his nipples into your mouth while you pinch the other between your fingers. he immediately gasp at the contact of your wet warm tongue sucking hard on his tender nipple.
his fat cock was so hard in his boxers, you can see the outline of his dick leaking and twitching, like it wants to jump free out of his now tight boxers; how cute. you can feel your boyfriends steamy breath fanning against your face.
you don't even have to open your eyes to know what face he has on right now, you already know his eyes would into the back of his head, mouth half opened as drool runs down his pink lips. grunting and huffing like a dog in heat.
your boyfriend was a big guy, he was never the type of guy that you would expect to be a manwhore. but look at him now, all whiney and needy as you grind your hand against his hard on.
he beg you to slip your hand inside- he wants to feel your warm hands on his leaking fat cock, sloppily stroking it but instead you tell him you won't touch his cock unless he squirt his warm seeds, filling his underwear with hot cum.
and that's exactly what he does, it only took you a couple of strokes through the fabric while you suck on his nipple to get him cumming hard in his boxer. he lay down trembling, while he watch you through heavy eyelid stripping him from his boxers.
taking it in your hand just for your tongue to peak out and nastly lick the cum that's on the boxer. he groan watching you. but you don't stop there, you take the boxer and place it on your dripping pussy. grinding the boiling cum filled fabric against your pussy, coating your needy cunt with his seeds.
you start humping his underwear, eyes rolling behind your skull at the feeling of the rough fabric against your clit and the warmess of his cum grinding against your pussy. "you fucking dirty whore" your boyfriend growls out as he watches you, causing you to whimper loudly at his comment.
"yea? you want to be talked to like a dumb fuckmutt? pathetic slut" he finally breaks as he shoved you under him. finally getting you under him, seeing you break and try to hang onto whatever consciousness you had before his cock turned your insides into mush from rutting constant cervix kisses into your greedy cunt.
shushing your cries when you claim it's too much. pinning you deeper under him. finally settling down after rounds of abusing your cunt. just to pin you under his huge weight and hold you like a stuffed animal on his cock. letting you whine and squirm at the fullness in your belly from holding all of the constant loads he has rutted back inside until your pussy stop and just accept it....
#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#choso smut#jjk smut#jjk x reader#choso x reader#sukuna smut#gojo smut#toji smut#nanami smut#geto smut#sukuna x reader#gojo x reader#toji x reader#nanami x reader#geto x reader#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#jjk fanfic#choso kamo smut#sukuna ryomen smut#toji fushiguro smut#nanami kento smut#geto suguru smut#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#choso x you#sukuna x you#gojo x you#toji x you
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girls goon too
pairing ↠ stepbro!sunghoon x (f) reader x stepbro!heeseung
genre .. warnings ↠ smut, stepcest, unprotected sex, oral (m receiving) / face fucking, virgin! reader, dubcon
summary ↠ sunghoon can't take it anymore. you just won't stop gooning in your bedroom for all the world to hear, and he's tired of it. he's pretty sure all you do with your spare time is watch porn. heeseung suggests that he just jerks off, but his morals won't let him; until he decides that he can't hold back anymore. he has to shut you up.
wc ↠ 5.3k
a/n ↠ nohyuck version of this fic originally posted on my blog revehae. i am not plagiarizing myself. this is my apology for missing my friday night drabble post. as always, feedback is appreciated!
don’t like it, don’t read.
“she’s doing it again,” sunghoon grumbled, walking into heeseung’s bedroom. only because the door was ajar, though. he knew the sight he’d walk in on if it was completely closed would be worse than what you were surely doing.
heeseung snickered, eyes fixed on his computer. “what’s the occasion? sixth-month gooning anniversary?”
sunghoon scoffed. he didn’t know why you did it. he thought jake was bad, but you were next level. “i thought surely she would give us a break for november.”
“and she did,” heeseung quipped, moving his mouse. “for all of three days.”
that was true. for the very first three days of november, the house had been relatively quiet apart from heeseung’s shouting when he was losing. then, on the fourth day, it was back to hearing your annoyingly perfect fucking moans in the afternoon.
and god forbid your parents would be coming home late. you were relentless on those days, touching yourself to no end. sunghoon couldn’t stand it. he hated minding his business, trying to rest or work or do anything that didn’t require thinking about the sounds you were making as you persistently edged yourself.
but he couldn’t help himself. sometimes, he could hear your moans even when you weren’t there, and that was when he knew he was finally losing what little bit was left of his goddamn mind.
heeseung, on the other hand, didn’t seem as miffed. sunghoon was certain his brother could hear the noises you were making down the hall, but he was sitting here without a care in the world, typing an email to his professor of all things. which made no sense to sunghoon, considering he knew how much heeseung liked noisy sex.
“okay, i’ll bite,” sunghoon said, crossing his arms. “how in the hell are you okay with this?”
heeseung shrugged, trying and failing to suppress a smirk. he was well aware of the fact that sunghoon always got worked up when it came to you, which was fair. you were the biggest minx this world had ever known. “well, first of all,” heeseung started, snickering again. “there’s a thing called jerking off. i’m sure you’ve heard of it. it’s really popular amongst guys we know.”
sunghoon looked almost scandalized. “i’m not jerking off to my stepsister.”
“then, you’re an idiot,” heeseung retorted. “she’s given us enough material until new years. of the year after next.”
“it’s wrong.”
heeseung rolled his eyes. “you’ve got such a stick up your ass, like a proper princess or something.”
“i’ll beat your ass, hee,” sunghoon warned.
heeseung threw his hands up. “i’m just saying. i’m not telling you to stick her in a washing machine, bro. but the answer’s obvious. just jerk off. you know you want to.”
sunghoon sighed. had he thought about it? obviously. but he couldn’t shake how wrong it felt, even if you made him perpetually horny. “i want to smack the shit out of you right now, but i haven’t done it yet.”
rather than recoil, heeseung laughed. that asswipe finds humor in everything, sunghoon thought to himself, irritated. “and i commend your patience, man,” heeseung replied. “but it’s only making you more frustrated when you could just bust a nut and be happy.”
sunghoon was thinking about it now. well, he had thought about it countless times, but he had never allowed himself to stoop that low. you were his younger stepsister and it was his responsibility to take care of you. not picture your face as you moaned and imagine how you would feel, tight and sticky and creamy as you wrapped around his…
heeseung broke the silence, musing more so to himself, “maybe we should put her in the washing machine.”
sunghoon’s eyes flickered. “what the hell, man?”
“my bad,” heeseung replied, although he didn’t look very apologetic. “i was just thinking out loud.”
fuck, now sunghoon was picturing that too. your house had one of those washing machines that opened from the top, not the front. too many times had sunghoon seen you struggle to take your clothes out, dangling over the washing machine and nearly falling inside. he would offer to help, every now and then, but he liked watching you climb the washing machine just to get your clothes from the very bottom.
it was much more realistic for you to get stuck in it then the kinds of washing machines in porn.
heeseung broke the silence again, still thinking. it was his greatest skill and simultaneously his worst habit. “if you’re so against it, why haven’t you just asked her to shut the fuck up then?”
that was a good question. sunghoon wasn’t the kind of guy to shy away from an altercation, not with friends and not with family. he had certainly never shown heeseung any mercy. he loved his brother, but he was annoying as all fuck.
“i see,” heeseung said, smirking. see, annoying. “it’s because you don’t really want her to stop.”
sunghoon sighed. “yeah, fine. i don’t want her to stop. happy?”
heeseung burst out laughing. always laughing, always scheming. he was going to get a stocking full of coal for christmas. “i have an idea.”
“oh, god,” sunghoon groaned.
heeseung finally pressed send on his email and turned around in his desk chair. “hear me out. we should fuck her.”
sunghoon gawked in disbelief. then again, none of heeseung’s ideas were ever truly brilliant. “you’re insane,” he murmured.
“thanks,” heeseung chirped, the insult rolling off his shoulders. “just sleep on it.”
“you know what? sure,” sunghoon replied, walking out of his brother’s room and shutting the door. he didn’t want to hear another word.
he went about his day like everything was normal, going on a walk so that he didn’t have to hear you, eating dinner and watching netflix in the living room to ignore the fact that you existed altogether. and then he went to bed.
sunghoon couldn’t fucking sleep. on it, over it, under it. he couldn’t sleep whatsoever.
it wasn’t like you were just loudly moaning all day long, that would be absurd. but every now and then, there would be a whimper you’d let slip. sunghoon could tell that you were actually trying to be quiet. but this was one of those nights where your parents wouldn’t be back and you were taking advantage of that. again.
sunghoon decided that he was at his breaking point. the need for you was too goddamn strong and he was tired of pretending that he was better. he couldn’t ignore it anymore. he couldn’t fight it, suppress it.
he threw the blankets off his bed and went to heeseung’s room, the door closed this time. he knocked on the door and called out, “stop jerking off and get your ass out here.”
sunghoon heard a groan, one of the disgruntled sort. a few seconds later, heeseung opened the door, a scowl on his face. “what the hell, man? your voice ruined my nut.”
it was sunghoon’s turn to laugh. he clasped a hand on heeseung’s shoulder. “don’t worry. you’ll be in the mood again in no time.”
heeseung lifted a brow. “are you saying what i think you’re saying?”
sunghoon nodded.
“we’re gonna teach her a lesson.”
“we’re gonna put her in the washing machine?”
sunghoon’s smile instantly dropped and his hand fell from heeseung’s shoulder. “why the fuck are you both so addicted to porn?” he asked.
the excited shimmer in heeseung’s eyes died a little. “no, i was… i was just kidding. let’s go.”
sunghoon sighed and started down the hall to your bedroom, deciding not to argue heeseung on that. it would be a waste of valuable time.
sunghoon knocked on the door and called out your name. “can we come in?”
there was audible shuffling as you called back, “just a moment!”
heeseung glanced over at sunghoon. “so, how we doing this?”
sunghoon looked calm, collected. as if fucking his stepsister was something he did on the regular. “just follow my lead.”
you opened the door, a towel thrown around you. but your skin looked damp with sweat, not water. your face was a little flushed. it was obvious that you were naked. “um, can i help you guys?” you asked, somewhat breathless.
sunghoon looked you up and down subtly. heeseung, on the other hand, was damn near ogling you. the former repeated, “can we come in?”
“um, i guess,” you murmured, stepping out of the way so that they could enter your bedroom.
heeseung closed the door behind himself, not that there was anyone to worry about. it was only the three of you in the house at the moment.
sunghoon glanced away, looking for traces of what you had been doing. he found them very quickly; your laptop shut on your bed, the blankets messily thrown on top to conceal the damp spots in your sheets, and your shirt and shorts on the floor by your bed, implying you were only in your underwear.
“is there something you guys need?” you asked, a bit annoyed at having been interrupted.
sunghoon walked towards your desk where your laptop probably should have been, though he saw something fearful flash in your eyes. his brows furrowed, but he didn’t inquire about it. he would figure it out on his own. “do we have to need something to want to visit you?” sunghoon asked, a small smile on his face. “i haven’t seen you all day long. we just wanted to make sure you’re still alive.”
“oh, that’s… very sweet of you,” you murmured. “as you can see, i’m perfectly alive and breathing.”
“yeah, you’re breathing a lot,” heeseung commented.
sunghoon chuckled. he moved away from your desk and instead towards your nightstand, noticing your eyes still watching him like a hawk. “relax. what’s got you so worked up?”
“i’m not worked up,” you lied, eyes darting between him and your bed.
that was when it clicked in sunghoon’s brain. the bed. you didn’t want him to see the bed. he chuckled again, sitting down on top of it. “are you okay? you look a little… flushed.”
“yeah,” heeseung chimed in, moving your hair out of your face. you jolted. you had been paying so much attention to sunghoon that you failed to notice heeseung had creeped up behind you. “and sweaty.”
you released a shaky breath. you were nervous, but you couldn’t tell them that. because then they would start asking questions. “i’m okay, guys. you can go.”
“why are you trying to get rid of us?” heeseung asked, leaning in a little too close. “it’s almost like you’re hiding something.”
“what are you watching?” sunghoon asked, grabbing your laptop.
your eyes widened in horror. “no, wait!” you exclaimed. you tried to stop him, but heeseung was quick to pull you back against his chest.
sunghoon opened your laptop, being met with a twitter porn browser. he feigned surprise. “oh, wow,” he said, merely blinking. “wow.”
“what is it?” heeseung called from the other side of the room.
sunghoon turned the laptop to face you and heeseung. “guess she’s really into… creampies, sucking dick, and doggy style.”
your face was hot with embarrassment and you thrashed in heeseung’s arms. “this is an invasion of privacy! you guys jerk off, don’t you?”
“jerk off? sure. watch porn for hours on end? no, i don’t,” sunghoon answered, setting your laptop down. he moved your blankets out of the way, revealing a few damp spots on your bed. “how long did you have to sit here for this to happen?”
you felt very exposed at the moment. like your deepest, darkest secret was steadily reaching its way around the whole world. “i’m not that bad,” you murmured, shy.
heeseung laughed. he tugged at the towel and brought his hand to your chest, pinching your nipple. “not that bad? you almost gave poor sunghoon over there an aneurysm with how enticing you’ve been.”
your whined when heeseung squeezed your chest, tearing your gaze away from sunghoon to look up at him with wide eyes. “what are you doing?”
“fuck. yeah, that’s what i’m talking about, princess,” heeseung groaned, pressing himself against your ass. “those sweet sounds have been driving him mad.”
any other moment, sunghoon would have narrowed his eyes at heeseung and called him disgusting. but this was different. sunghoon didn’t care about what was right or wrong anymore. maybe he never truly had. what was certain right now was that any desire to behave in a morally acceptable manner was outweighed by the desire to fuck you brainless.
“bring her over here,” sunghoon said, shoving your laptop of the way to make room.
heeseung grabbed your waist and led you towards the bed, pushing you towards his brother. sunghoon grabbed your chin, smoothing his thumb over your cheek. “gooning isn’t healthy,” he told you straightforwardly. “you know what you need?”
you glanced at him, fretful. the towel had completely fallen at this point, leaving you solely in your water, just as sunghoon had pieced together. “what?” you whispered.
“a fuck,” sunghoon replied unabashedly. “you’re so damn touch-starved. always complaining about how you want a boyfriend, but you never go out, because you’re too busy playing with your clit.”
your face was hot. honestly, they hadn’t given you the opportunity to cool down. but you had to admit that he was right. compared to how much you touched yourself, you didn’t go out enough.
“have you ever even had sex?” heeseung asked, running his hands up your thighs.
you wanted to hide so fucking bad, but that clearly wasn’t an option. “no,” you replied, ashamed.
sunghoon snickered, because apparently that was funny. “obviously,” he said, moving his thumb to your bottom lip. “this pretty body has gone untouched for too many years, that’s all. once you get fucked, you’ll be as good as new. worked for jake. didn’t it, hee?”
“yep,” heeseung chirped, nodding. “he was the biggest gooner i’ve ever seen. jay had so many roommate horror stories. then, we got him some pussy, and he’s all better now. actually goes outside and gets light that isn’t from his laptop.”
“so, what do you say?” sunghoon asked, turning your head back to him. “want something other than your fingers inside you?”
your heart racing. were you really about to agree to getting fucked by your stepbrothers? when it was over, you could blame it on the fact that you genuinely were touch-starved and desperate for a release for all this pent-up frustration.
and because you really, really needed to come after having avoided it for hours, you nodded your head.
“words, princess,” heeseung said, his hands still gripping your thighs as he thought about how soft they were. “say it. say, ‘i want you to fuck me, heeseung.’”
you swallowed, but you weren’t going to disobey. “i… i want you to fuck me, heeseung.”
“jeez, you don’t have to beg. i’ll do it,” heeseung replied, playful as ever. “and because it’s your first time, i think we should do missionary. is that okay, princess?”
“that’s… fine,” you murmured timidly. it didn’t really matter to you how he fucked you. you just wanted someone inside you.
heeseung was beaming, like he had prayed for this day and it was finally happening. “good. and if you ever want me to fuck you on all fours, you know the way to my room.”
the way heeseung was looking at you was entirely overwhelming, so you glanced over at sunghoon instead, though he was also watching you intently. “what about… you?” you asked.
sunghoon chuckled, thumb sweeping over your lips. “i don’t need to fuck your pussy. i’ll leave that to heeseung. i just want to fuck this pretty little mouth that’s been keeping me up at night.”
heeseung, growing impatient, tugged at your panties. you lifted your hips, watching him drag them down your legs. “jesus,” he murmured. “they’re fucking drenched.”
“they better be,” sunghoon replied with a chuckle, stepping out of his pants. “long as she’s probably been wearing them.”
heeseung spread your legs, wanting to get a good look at the treasure hidden between them. he moaned at the mere sight of your pussy, dripping with arousal. “fuck, you don’t even need prep,” he mused.
as if you couldn’t get any more embarrassed than you already were. they knew exactly what to say to make you want to hide your face beneath a pillow and hopefully suffocate to death.
despite his declaration about you not needing prep, heeseung couldn’t help but drag his tongue along your folds, which made you gasp in surprise. it wasn’t a tentative lick, either; he was confident and unreluctant. you were clearly sensitive, but he didn’t seem to care, eager to suck and lick at you.
“heeseung,” you whimpered, involuntarily trying to close your legs. he swore his dick twitched when you said his name like that.
all the while, sunghoon was stroking himself beside you, half hard. for the first time thinking about you at the same time that he touched his dick, and god, he really should have done it sooner. just the thought of you made his blood pump harder.
heeseung pulled back after a moment or two when he was finally sated. “sorry,” he apologized, completely inauthentic. “just wanted a taste.”
sunghoon tapped your cheek. “open up, baby.”
you slowly opened your mouth, wide enough for him to push inside. which sunghoon seized the opportunity to do as soon as it presented itself. he was impatient now, tired of waiting. you had tortured him long enough with those pretty noises; it was time you paid him back for tolerating your horniness.
“fuck,” sunghoon cursed upon feeling the warmth of your mouth around his cock.
heeseung snickered. it was amusing to him that only a few hours ago, sunghoon said he was insane for suggesting that they fuck you. and now here he was with his cock down your throat. a few hours could truly change a man, for worse and for better. “how’s it going?” heeseung asked.
sunghoon closed his eyes, trying to go slow before he started fucking your throat with a purpose. he didn’t necessarily want to hurt you, but damn, he was getting pretty damn close. “how do you think?” he retorted.
you watched sunghoon as he slowly moved inside your mouth, though his patience was obviously dwindling by the second. part of you wanted to see what it would look like when he lost it all, but the other dreaded it, uncertain whether or not you could handle it.
you were still a virgin, after all. in the important and unimportant ways. you had never been fucked. you had most certainly never had your throat fucked until this very moment. the furthest you’d ever gone with a boy was a little bit of groping while kissing and even that was awkward.
heeseung licked his lips, appreciating that they were coated in your arousal. “taste so good, princess,” he said, dropping his hands down to his shorts.
you would have gawked when you glanced down and noticed the dent in them, even if it weren’t for the fact that your mouth was preoccupied. when did he get so hard?
heeseung started to undress himself, pleased now that he had gotten a taste of you and eager to be inside you. he was quick to shed his shorts and the layer underneath, unafraid to show just how desperate he was. for him, it was easy to accept his attraction to you and even easier to act on it now that he had your consent.
he climbed onto the bed, grabbing your thighs again and spreading them apart. he gave them a few affectionate, departing kisses and sat up to grab his cock, bringing it between them. “say ‘goofer gooner’ if you’re ready,” heeseung joked, knowing you couldn’t speak.
you furrowed your brows, but you couldn’t even focus on his nonsense because sunghoon was noticeably forgoing all restraint. could you blame him? your mouth was warm, alive, and everything about you seemed to drive him straight through the brink of insanity.
“you know, sunghoon,” heeseung started, gazing down at the little distance between your bodies. “you were right. i’m already in the mood again.”
you had that effect on him, on them. heeseung knew he probably should have fought it better, but he truly saw no point. it was easier to fold and surrender to the fact that he found you infuriatingly sexy, despite your tendencies. and with nothing more to say, he slowly but surely pressed himself inside you.
heeseung tipped his head back, already moaning like a bitch and he wasn’t even fully sheathed inside you yet. “holy fuck,” he said, his grip on your thighs tightening.
you whimpered, the sound muffled by sunghoon’s cock as his balls slapped against your chin. you immediately pulsed around heeseung’s cock, clinging to him like now that he was there, you would never let him go.
“holy fuck,” heeseung moaned again, stopping for a moment as if the breath had been completely sucked out of him. “so fucking wet, my dick just slides in.”
he was damn near flabbergasted. maybe there was benefit to you gooning for hours on end, a benefit that he got to reap. he had never seen anyone this wet before, much less felt anything this wet, and it was taking a toll on him. his head was already reeling.
“okay,” heeseung said, more so to himself. he was adjusting. “okay. fuck. i’m gonna move.”
and he did, growing more and more mesmerized with every thrust of his hips. his mouth hung open, moans of your name and explicit curses dangling from his lips with a shrill touch to them that only made you even more aroused.
to say nothing of the sounds sunghoon was making, almost directly in your ear. he was so close to your face that you could explode. he was finally moving comfortably, fucking your throat with a rhythm that almost made it hard to breathe.
though you had no intention of making him stop. you had fantasized about making yourself available for this purpose many, many times. not necessarily to your stepbrother, but well, it wasn’t like you were discriminating. especially not when he sounded so goddamn sexy and his face was tensing the way it was in pleasure.
it was strange, but you found yourself going from solely craving the experience to wanting to pleasure them. and it would appear that you were doing a fantastic job without hardly even trying, all things considered.
heeseung was gripping on your thighs for dear life as if without the support, he would get blown away into the eighth dimension. or maybe drown in how wet you were, gushing around his cock, if not for him using your soft thighs as an anchor to keep him afloat.
“this sweet fucking pussy,” he sighed, losing himself in the vice of you. he had set a pace too, fucking you without intention of stopping. with every fiber of his being, deep and hard. “i could fuck you forever.”
you could sit here and take it forever. you had never felt so full in your life. your fingers hardly did the job, always reaching just shy of where you needed them instead of completely offering you the satisfaction you’d long craved. and here heeseung was handing it to you on a silver platter.
the only problem was that you felt slightly overwhelmed with so much happening at one time in two different holes. you didn’t know who to pay attention to; sunghoon fucking your throat with a vengeance, eager to gain something out of your mouth for once, or heeseung railing you to kingdom come, making you feel hot everywhere.
you found yourself trying to juggle both, eyes flitting between them, moaning around sunghoon’s dick at heeseung’s angled thrusts and throbbing around heeseung at every guttural groan that slipped from sunghoon’s mouth. you couldn’t help yourself; it was too goddamn arousing.
sunghoon noticed how fucked out you looked, eyes rolling back to another timeline, and it was doing unimaginable things to his cock. you looked better than he could have ever imagined and he knew that he wouldn’t be satisfied until he left you hoarse and rasping.
with that thought, he grabbed your hair to push you down and started to fuck your head against the mattress rather roughly, which caught you by surprise. you tried to take it, you really did, but it was overwhelming. you could barely breathe.
“take it,” he hissed, holding your head in place. you looked pretty like this, struggling to keep up with his hectic movements.
your eyes were watering as his cock went too deep for you to handle, and you started gagging. sunghoon moaned, but pulled your head off him to let you relax for a second, a string of saliva connecting your mouth and the head of his cock.
“breathe,” he said, letting one hand run through your hair almost tenderly.
you nodded, willing yourself to relax. all the while, sunghoon marveled at how pretty you looked with saliva on your face and tears strolling down your cheeks.
“you guys okay up there?” heeseung asked from between your legs, having noticed the action.
“we’re fine,” sunghoon answered on your behalf. he moved his hand from your hair to your cheek. “you ready?”
you nodded your head. you couldn’t shake the urge to really make him proud, to satisfy all his inappropriate cravings. it was the least you could do when you had been tantalizing him for months on end.
“good girl,” sunghoon whispered, guiding his cock back to your mouth and this time using your hair to push your head onto his cock as he fucked your throat.
you moaned at the pet name, because something about the way it sounded coming from him made your head spin. maybe you were just horny and in dire need of a fuck like he’d said. maybe after you came, all of these feelings would wear off, and you would feel somewhat sane again.
but you couldn’t deny that you were somewhat indulging in your fantasies here. you didn’t necessarily hate the the way sunghoon was treating you, even if it was a little beyond your limits and more than a little rough. but limits were just boundaries you’d yet explored.
heeseung was a different situation altogether. your pussy was still sensitive from the hours of playing with it and you were already about to come much before him. there was a familiar heat in your stomach and festering throb of energy in your core, only more intense than you had ever experienced.
but heeseung recognized it, even without being able to hear your sweet moans of his name. he could see it in your body language and it flattered him in a way; he always felt proud when he lasted longer than the person he was fucking, especially without necessarily even trying to finish them quicker.
“she’s gonna come,” heeseung pointed out, grinning. “come for me, princess. come on this dick. you know you want to.”
it was like he your voodoo doll or something, because merely seconds after those words parted from his mouth, you were shuddering and tightening around his cock with climax, your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your toes clenching.
heeseung let out the pitchiest moan ever when you throbbed around him repeatedly. words could not describe how good it felt, but sounds could. and the sounds he was making were sensational, only contributing to the mind-numbing pleasure wrecking you from within.
“goddamn,” heeseung said, mesmerized by how hard you came. it was probably warranted after hours of resisting.
but the other thing on heeseung’s mind was how much wetter your pussy sounded, sticky with your release. he whined, literally going mad. he knew that his own orgasm wasn’t far out and just the squelch of your cunt could easily finish him off.
sunghoon was facing a similar predicament, fucking your mouth without restraint and not letting you escape his thrusts. “fuck, i’m gonna come,” he groaned. “swallow it. or don’t. it’s your sheets.”
the last thing you of all people cared about was having your sheets ruined. at the moment, you were more burdened with how sore your throat felt and how overstimulated your pussy was being fucked despite having already orgasmed. it literally felt like you’d had the soul fucked out of you.
you didn’t even know it was possible at this point, but sunghoon’s hips went faster. it was a brutal but steady pace, which was somewhat admirable. he was trying to get himself there, right over the edge, knowing release was only seconds away.
with a few more smacks, sunghoon released down your throat with the sexiest groan you’d heard, one that claimed every award. when you’d milked him of every drop, his hands tight on the sides of your face, his grip on your head slacked and he slowly pulled your mouth off him.
you swallowed what you could, but he had came so goddamn much at once, it was borderline ridiculous. what you couldn’t take dripped down your chin, blending with the saliva from the messy fucking.
heeseung glanced up at you and the sight of your cum-stained face triggered something so primal in him that he knew he wasn’t going to last another minute. “princess, where do you want me to come?” he asked breathlessly.
“inside,” you replied with maybe half your voice, if even. it hurt to speak. the sound pleased sunghoon.
the thought of coming inside your pussy had heeseung levitating and was the last push he needed to bring himself past the cusp of ecstasy. his hips stuttered as he came inside you, crying out half of your name, leaning on top of you as he buried his load inside your warm, wet, gushing, sticky hole.
a satisfied hum escaped you when you felt his cum seeping inside your pussy. why did it feel so good?
“d-don’t move yet,” you whispered, because it was all you could muster.
heeseung glanced up at you, recognizing the look of pleasure on your face. if he had the energy, he would tease you about how you wanted to feel him cum inside you, but he needed to catch his breath. so he answered with a nod.
sunghoon whistled. this had gone better than he’d hoped. “well goddamn. you’re just a virgin slut aren’t you?”
heeseung chuckled breathlessly. “she took that shit like a champ. i’m impressed.”
sunghoon kissed your forehead. “you did so good,” he whispered, caressing your cheek with his thumb. “i’ll get you some water in a second.”
you nodded, appreciating the tender side after all that had just happened. your heart felt a little lighter than usual, despite its racing. you had so many questions, but you didn’t want to strain your voice. was it normal to feel like a different person after having sex for the first time?
heeseung was going to pull out, but seeing the look on your face, he decided to stay nestled inside you for a little longer. “you okay?”
you bobbed your head. “i’m good.”
heeseung snickered and teased, “whoa there, batman. what have you done with my sister?”
you rolled your eyes, but giggled. sunghoon joined in on the laughter, but he added, “don’t speak. you’ll make it worse.”
heeseung sighed contentedly. knowing that you wouldn’t say anything in response, he decided to tease, “our little gooner.”
you glared at heeseung wordlessly, conveying a lot of different things with your eyes.
sunghoon translated playfully, “i think that means ‘fuck you.’”
“again?” heeseung joked. “what can i expect from a gooner. but hey, i guess girls can goon too.”
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