#my guilty pleasure is portraying these two as family so now you have to look at this

[questforyellow]

[thefeedress]

FFA MUSINGS

I was 17 when I learned the terms "feeder" "feedee" and "feederism" from stumbling across one of those trash documentaries about the kink. Apparently, my sexuality revolved around extremes and predators: creepy straight men coercing naive women into transforming their bodies and their lives - the women didn't particularly seem to be getting off on it or even have much agency in the whole thing. The men were awful. (Sometimes, these days, I look back and wonder how much all the negatives of what I saw were exaggerated by the editing…)

That was my lightbulb moment, where I discovered the label for something very personal and private that I'd had all my life but always felt confused and ashamed about. I now also had the pleasure of feeling extra disgusting and very alone, having been shown what horrible company I was in, and that I now knew I was a feeder, but apparently all feeders were men.

Any furtive investigations online (in the reasonably early days of the internet) seem to confirm this suspicion: female feeders were not A Thing, there might possibly be one or two others out there at best. Male gainers only seemed to exist in their own niche in gay subculture, and although I was happy they were out there somewhere living their best lives, they were obviously Not For Me.

I was 34 when after years of pushing it all to the back of my mind, I finally gave in. I've been with the same (non-feedist) partner since my early 20s, so I just assumed that I'd never be able to explore it irl anyway, and that was that. I can't remember what happened or why I decided that I had to try to find some others to connect with, even just to chat with, but in the end (with my partner's blessing) I found and joined Feabie (of which I have many opinions but I'll leave those for another time…) and interacted with other feedists online for the first time in my life.

Guess what: straight male feedees exist. They exist, and there's fucking loads of them!! Tons of the buggers in my inbox all day every day for weeks. Pretty heady experience going from outcast freak to Much Sought After Item - apparently female feeders really are quite rare, or we don't have much of an online presence (or most of us are lurking in a secret lair somewhere that the others haven't invited me to, rude….) or they're also out there somewhere thinking they're the only one.

The unbridled glee of feeling popular and desirable for being something I'd always felt ashamed of did wear off a teensy bit after the endless onslaught of "hey" "hi" "how u" "ayy babygurl" "I'm looking for a feeder please accommodate all my kinks even though I'm a total stranger and I clearly don't give a shit about you as a human being" "You're a woman on the internet I'm entitled to your attention don't be difficult what's your problem" and my current favourite, the bizarrely ominous "Can I ask ur opinion?" (The answer is no my friend, if I wanted to be spammed with anonymous torso pics that I'm meant to manufacture comments about that you can get off to I'd have asked YOU.)

But. I'm still completely overjoyed that male feedees exist, that I've spoken to so many cool and interesting and lovely guys, that I've had experiences I'd always assumed I wouldn't, that I FINALLY MET OTHER FFAs and they are awesome and now I'm close friends with one and it's freaking GREAT. All of this has also lead my partner and I to discover polyamory and now I'm in love with two people who love me back NOBODY EVER SAID YOU WERE ALLOWED TO DO THAT WHY THE FUCK DID NO ONE TELL ME

There are so many nuances and preferences I'd never considered. I knew what I liked and that's what I sought out in terms of porn and that was that. Actually talking to feedees and learning about the whole spectrum of things they each did or didn't enjoy or want to participate in was a revelation, and also helped me clarify my own preferences myself.

There are still things I've yet to come to terms with or decide how to feel about. The main things I'd always felt guilty or ashamed of were less to do with fat or fat guys, it was the feeding itself.

Where being an FFA is concerned - I like to think that if I'd ever been lucky enough to have a fat boyfriend when I was younger, I wouldn't have been shallow enough to care what anyone else thought. It's possible I'm giving my younger self too much credit; I know for certain that some people in my life would have made nasty comments, I was also hugely insecure myself, and I have no idea what it really would have been like. I have no doubt that living all my life in a fatphobic society has affected me in more ways than I'm even aware of (same as everyone else in some way, I'm guessing....). I think any uneasiness I felt there was less worrying about shallow friends or family members, and more how to find potential fat partners without offending them. I have always been conscious of the fact that the majority of fat people would very likely be horrified to be thought of and objectified through the lens of this fetish. You never know what someone's relationship to their own body is, but it's safe to bet that it's a more complex one than it seems, and also, unless you're expressly invited into that relationship by that person, it's none of your fucking business.

But anyway, the main reason I never had many hangups about it was that I don't think I even *was* attracted to fat people when I was young - sometimes I'm not sure I was even attracted to anyone. I had crushes on boys all the time, but I never thought of anyone sexually. My teenage fantasies were pure belly kink: stuffing, chugging, bloating, inflation, any kind of ridiculous fantasy belly expansion - the actual fattening aspect of feeding was less a part of it, and fancying fat dudes was never connected to it. By the time I'd begun to join the dots and wonder if I liked fat boys, I'd started to happen across media that portrays the worst of Feedism, and since I liked sadistic fucked up stuff and already felt ashamed of it, all of that just confirmed to me that I was right to hate myself. Even now, when I'm exposed to much more conversation about this kink than I ever used to be, I notice a lot of love for soft feedism, wholesome fatness appreciation, body positivity, romance (all of which I absolutely love, don't get me wrong) and I still sometimes feel Iike I'm being left out of the party. Keeping my fingers crossed for more consensual femdom-feedism love (and content, ugh…)

But… what would have happened if I hadn't gotten the fuck over myself and put myself out there, tried to find others? How many other young people see themselves portrayed horribly in the media and hide parts of themselves FROM THEMSELVES forever? What happens next? I've apparently found the one person who likes all the same twisted things I do, but actually getting to see him irl ever or do any of the things we want to do seems impossible, and not just because of Covid.

This fetish is lonely for most of us I think, in some way or another. There aren't many feedists, there don't seem to be as many female feeders or male feedees, there probably aren't many people who will share the same preferences within the fetish that you do, and frankly when you filter out the people who aren't crazy or creepy or don't know how to hold a conversation, the pool shrinks even further. I've seen plenty of posts bemoaning how hard it is to find someone, but seriously, having spent most of my life in a vacuum where this stuff is concerned, I'm still buzzing from having engaged with the small handful of people I've engaged with, even just to chat to.

What I want to say to my younger self is: you're a good person. You're just a kinky bitch, that's all.

I feel like this description probably applies to all the best people, I can live with that.

[crebby]

PI Woods - A personal take on Homicidal Liu

Important Disclaimer

This entire post was solely written for fun! I do not in any way want to demean the original version of Homicidal Liu. The original creator seems v cool and if the only thing that may be considered ‘fixed’ is the way Liu’s DID works, as even the creator themselves has stated that if they had written Liu today, they would’ve approached things differently. The rest is all just me throwing out my own ideas.

Also, if any corrections are to be made about his DID or if I wrote anything wrong, please do let me know!

Additionally, I must warn that this contains mentions of s*icide, self harm, violence, murder and mentions of past trauma. Said content is all beneath the cut.

The past

Liu came from a troubled, abusive household and spent a good few years in an orphanage until he got adopted into the Woods family at the age of 7. Despite now growing up under a loving family, Liu has always sensed that something about him made him different from other kids, finding himself often stuck with memory loss. Meanwhile, his parents had to deal with sudden outbursts and tantrums, their son suddenly insisting that his name is Sully, and at other times they had to stop 'Liu' from doing anything harmful to himself.

The possibility of dissociative identity disorder wasn’t considered, and at the time, the Woods parents assumed this behaviour to be the result of trauma from Liu’s previous household.

In the beginning, Liu didn’t quite have a word to describe his experience. He knew there were others living alongside in his body in a way and it made things harder for him. It was only once he got older that he discovered what DID was, and things finally made sense to him. He’s absolutely certain he has it, but never felt this was something he could bring up around his family, not even his brother. It took him even longer to figure out how to achieve some proper normalcy with his alters.

Despite the difficulties, the Woods family has always loved Liu like he was their own.

The system

Liu is the host of this system, and there are three alters alongside him. Liu always used to be rather taciturn and introverted, but was very kind and polite. Between him and Jeff, their parents always noted that Liu was the most well-behaved out of the two, also being studious and responsible: something that came naturally as the older sibling.

Sully, on the other hand, has always been rather antsy and anxious, always on guard like something bad is bound to happen. He isn’t necessarily violent, but he is very reactive and therefore is prone to outbursts at times. Notably, Sully is a very avid lover of all things strawberry. Sometimes a switch occurs, leaving whoever fronts now wondering why there’s so much strawberry yoghurt in the fridge, only to then remember Sully probably went to buy groceries. He’s also prone to triggers as he holds certain traumatic memories. Generally, he still manages to be functional. He's the most likely to hold grudges (relevant for later) and his cautiousness usually makes sure nothing stupid happens.

Myra is easily the most responsible in the system, and is also the only female alter. Sometimes she forgets that she is residing in a male body, but has gotten used to it, though Liu has insisted on at least making himself appear somewhat more androgynous for the sake of her comfort when she's fronting, while also preventing discomfort for other alters. Myra is more in charge of solving things like conflicts and occasionally manages switches as well, but also makes sure regular tasks get done.

Calypso is… Quite the subject. He is the carrier of most of the system's traumatic memories, and is the least stable out of the four. They are most susceptible to self-destructive tendencies. Sometimes Myra, Liu or Sully will wake up feeling horrible and sore, only to realise it was because Calypso tried things the night before. Due to these tendencies, the system tries to make sure they don't front very often, both for their own and Calypso's safety, even if this isn't always pleasant for him.

The Incident

Things were quite shaken up after the night Jeff tried to kill the system, but it was Sully who underwent the direct experience that night, while Liu woke up, confused and in pain in the hospital after his memory stopped at him welcoming Jeff back home. Naturally, he was quite distraught and disoriented, as was Myra and Calypso.

Trying to achieve a new sense of normalcy was tough for the system, and it took a while to even recover from the initial shock. They were sent off to Liu's aunt, who was more than happy to take the system in, especially considering Liu was her favourite nephew.

After the attempt on the system's life, Liu became far more withdrawn, and got more and more absorbed by his studies. He still had no idea what lead up to Jeff snapping the way he did, but had managed to forgive him and simply wants a chance to talk to him again. Given the opportunity, he moved out, eventually working as a private investigator. When he was younger, he dreamt of being a detective, but all the incidents leading up to Jeff's decline left Liu with a permanent distrust towards the police, making private detective work the next best thing. Along with this, Liu has completely dedicated himself to finding out where Jeff went, and to hopefully talk to him.

Sully, on the other hand, may forgive but never forgets, and this time he couldn't forgive. Similarly to Liu, he has developed an obsession with pinning down Jeff's whereabouts, but he has far more sinister reasons for this, as he is quite vengeful towards Jeff. He isn't as stable as he used to be, either.

Liu and Sully's dedication to finding Jeff has been the source of a lot of conflict, as Myra - and Calypso to an extent - wants to be able to move on from what happened and return to living a normal life, heavily disagreeing with what the two are doing. At times, she has tried sabotaging their investigations, and the system still hasn't come to an agreement regarding this situation.

Homicide

Things only get messier from here.

Once Liu is set on a goal, there is nothing you can do to actually stop him. This means he's more than willing to turn to murder if it means furthering his goals. He has already murdered several people, most being related to the investigation into Jeff. However, he approaches this very methodically. His go-to method is staging suicides or accidents, and cooldown periods are quite long. He only kills if he deems killing to be necessary, and does in fact feel guilty about it. He tries rationalising what he's done by telling himself that Jeff would most likely be killed by authorities, and that this is a way of protecting him, but deep down he knows he's kind of lying to himself.

Sully is much messier, much to Liu's chagrin. On some occasions he intentionally kills, and in many other cases it's because something triggered the trauma experienced from what Jeff did, and he reacts violently. Many of the people Sully kills either resemble Jeff or remind Sully of him in one way or another. Contrary to Liu, Sully takes pleasure in brutally killing these people because to him, it's the closest to actually killing Jeff. Sometimes Liu instructs Sully mentally on how to dispose of the bodies, other times there's a switch and Liu does it himself.

Myra and Calypso are extremely against this, leading to even more conflict in the system. Self-destructive tendencies coming from Calypso end up worsening as a result, and they have attempted to consciously kill the entire system, feeling like it’s the only way to stop what they’re doing. In some cases, they have nearly succeeded, so all three other alters have to collectively block Calypso from fronting entirely for safety reasons. Despite this, he’s still very much present.

Extra (can be updated)

Myra, Sully and Calypso are eager to have an image of what they believe they look like, and as a result love recreating themselves whether it’s through art or through character creators like Picrew. This is how the system would make themselves on Picrew:

Liu

(He very intentionally portrays himself without the scars and stitches. They’re a huge insecurity of his.)

Sully

Myra

Calypso

--

If I have made any mistakes in the portrayal of DID, please let me know and correct me!! I wish to do my best, as I know it’s a heavily misportrayed condition.

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

January 2020 Picks

And we’re back!!! Been watching a lot of great stuff recently that I’m excited to chat about. These are just a few of highlights. I’m not 100% caught up on the Arrowverse shows yet, but did enjoy the Crisis a lot-especially after the second watch through. Check out my full review on that here: https://talesofafangirlwithadvr.tumblr.com/post/190372384413/crisis-on-infinite-earths-reactions

SPOILERS AHEAD!!

ANNE WITH AN E

This 3rd season was my FAVORITE so far, which makes it even more depressing that this is the end. I watched it the fastest and even stayed up till 1 AM to finish the series after watching four straight episodes. (Normally I try to space out bingeing stuff because I don’t want it to end so fast.) This series has always taken liberties with the source material to make it even more relevant to today, but I especially felt that during this season. It did not feel forced one bit. From Bash losing Mary and overcoming being a minority in Avonlea to Ka’kwet’s story line that brings me to tears every time I think about it-especially because she made it ALL the way home just to be taken back. Would love to believe she’s back with her parents, but the ending this season doesn’t show it. Perhaps they were thinking about pursuing it more if there was a 4th season. Josie Pye’s assault was a nice commentary on the Me too movement as well as the Human Rights and Women’s Rights march. I’m so happy Matthew survived this series! I was so worried for him. (As readers know he dies at the end of Anne of Green Gables the novel. Most adaptations often keep it in and I am happy we diverted from the original this time.) Jerry and Diana were adorable at the start, but Jerry deserves so much more! (He got SO TALL! As I often remarked while watching this season.) I absolutely loved the boy craziness this season because they were “Now 16!” Tillie balancing two guys! Ruby’s crush on Moody was super cute. I loved when Anne was forced to ask Gilbert about having babies by the girls. THE STRONG FEMALE CHARACTERS!! (applause) 1) Mrs. Stacy: as a widower she will not settle for just anyone to marry. 2) Prissy Andrews: I really like that they brought her character back up and that she attended college. So sad that Billy will still be the head of her family. 3) Diana gets to go to Queens (a change from the novel as well, but one that was a great choice). I really liked her chat with Aunt Josephine. 4) Of course Anne Shirley. There’s so much to say about Anne, but one of the things I really liked this season was getting insight into her own personal family history. Seeing her mom’s book at the end was very touching. I love that she also had red hair. Last thoughts: Delphine is the CUTEST BABY EVER! Seriously a fantastic actress. Her relationship with every person in the show was amazing. And of course my beloved Shirbert. I knew they were endgame (because of the source material), but BOY did they take their time getting there). Screw Winnie! Anne and Gilbert’s relationship hurt my heart throughout it all, but so many adorable moments between them proving they are meant to be. Forever my OTP!      

SANDITON

I am seriously feeling the period pieces this month (but then again when am I not). As a HUGE Jane Austen fan I was extremely excited when I heard that her unfinished novel, Sanditon, would be adapted for the TV screen. Because I was unfamiliar with the story (which is always a fun time when one of your favorite authors has been dead for the past few hundred years) I made sure to add the novel to the top of my 2020 list. Due to its length I was able to finish it before the series started a few weeks ago. While I was not a huge fan of the unfinished novel, because I found it difficult to connect with any of the characters or see where the story was headed, I already feel differently about the mini-series. By the end of episode 1 I was already hooked and very happy that PBS aired the second episode immediately afterwards. I can see parallels to Austen’s work as well as echoes to other Austen novels (naturally Pride and Prejudice). When listening to the Masterpiece podcast in which they interview Rose Williams (who plays Charlotte Heywood) she described Charlotte as a cross between Elizabeth Bennet and Catherine Morland (from Northanger Abbey), which I think is really accurate. I like how Charlotte goes to Sanditon because of her interest in seeing this place that Tom Parker gets so excited about. She honestly isn’t looking for a husband, but rather an occupation. Something different away from her farm. Is romance involved? You betcha. This is an Austen adaptation afterall. But that is not her main focus. There’s so many other things going on with the story, but I’d have to dedicate a complete other post to explain it all. I really feel it is fitting in well with other classic book to screen adaptations coming out right now like Little Women and Anne with an E. If you’re a fan of either one then Sanditon is worth a try. And of course if you love Jane Austen and the 1995 Andrew Davies adaptation (he’s producing this one as well) then it’s worth a shot! 

THE MAN IN THE HIGH CASTLE-SEASON 4

Just like with Anne with an E, I think this was my favorite season of The Man in the High Castle (and ironically also the last season. Although this series knew that going in to production). It held my interest very well and I watched it faster than the previous season. I really don’t think I’ve been this invested since season 1. Lots of new characters were introduced and while I missed some of the old it just shows you how much this show has developed. I also felt myself liking the new characters really fast. At first all of the multi-verse stuff was pretty intense and a little hard to follow, but it got easier as the show went on-EXPECT FOR THE END! Were all those people coming through because their worlds were much worse? What happens next? How are the Smith children? Amy and the other students who were brainwashed-will they change? Kido will stay. Did Childan find Kikuko? (Loved their relationship btw. I’m going to believe they got to be together in the end. It will make me sleep easier.) I was constantly saying to myself: How are they going to wrap this up in only 4 episodes...3...2...etc.. But I feel like it could have been a bit stronger. Despite this I still am a big fan of this season. I just get picky when it comes to series finales.  

DOCTOR WHO 

Last I had posted about Doctor Who I was very behind. Like I only watched last year’s holiday special this year behind. It was just tough for me to get into last season. I’ve really enjoyed Jodie Whitaker’s take on the Doctor. I feel she brings a new energy, but at the same time reminds me of the way Tennant and Smith portrayed the role. It’s just that I missed some of the familiarity of the show. It’s always hard getting a new Doctor because the show takes on a different feeling, but with all new villains, companions, TARDIS, etc it was tough. I wanted a couple more old references. I also didn’t love all of the episodes (although a bunch of them were really good: Rosa Parks, Demons of the Punjab, Kerblam! to name a few). So when I watched last year’s special at the beginning of the month I felt I zoned out a bit. However, Spyfall (parts 1 & 2) that kicked off this season were entertaining and I’ve been hearing good stuff about this season so far. Now that the show is on its second season with these characters, I’ve heard there’s more of a rhythm. I can’t wait to continue. I also can’t wait to see these guys again: 

PLUS I discovered a HUGE spoiler about last week’s episode that honestly that has honestly gotten me so pumped; it is the main reason why I am catching up faster. (I won’t spoil it here if you still don’t know it. I foresee I’ll probably write an article just about that episode.) 

VIOLETTA 

My guilty pleasure that I have been bingeing on Disney+. This musical telenovela from Buenos Aires has three seasons of 80 episodes a piece! (That’s right I have my work cut out for me.) Currently only the first season is up on Disney+ and the show is pretty hard to find, so I am really hoping that by the time I finish it they release at least the second season. I only started it in the new year and am already on episode 42, so you can say I’m enjoying it... :) Basically once I hit 30 I was hooked. (Although I was enjoying it a lot before that, now I’m just more obsessed.) There are several characters in the show from the students, to the teachers and family members, but the main character is Violetta who has lived in many different countries all her life with her dad who is a very successful businessman. She has been home-schooled forever due to their lifestyle and because of her dad’s worry that she will be hurt in the real world. Her mother was a popular singer who died when Violetta was very little that she barely remembers her. When they move back home she secretly gets enrolled in a music school that her mom just so happened to attend. Her tutor is secretly her aunt (who no one recognizes because Violetta’s dad told her that her mom had no relatives) and she has to hide attending the music school and singing which is her ultimate dream. That’s just the basics because there is so much more drama in the series. Lots of lying, deceit, love triangles that just won’t quit, ridiculousness and music. While they repeat a lot of the same songs, many of them are quite good and really catchy that you can’t help but get them stuck in your head. My sister (who loves this show) kept talking about it and that made me want to watch once we got Disney+ (she was lucky to watch two seasons when it was still on Netflix). As she said to me, you should watch it in the original language, which is Spanish with English subtitles. I feel like I’m learning more Spanish while watching it. Probably be fluent by the end (ha ha ha ha-not really). 

So, what are your favorites of this month? Are we watching any of the same things? Anything look interesting to check out? Let me know! 

[just-ornstein]

The meme for Ornstein and Fandral please.

Ornstein:

OTP for them: Ornstein/Smough, no surprise there. Also still Ornstein and @general-grey​ Caspiron. That one always holds a special spot for me.

BROTP for them: Uhhh probably Artorias, Ciaran and Gough. They’re his buddies. Never shipped him romantically with any of those either. I also loved the idea of him and Gwyndolin being good buddies.

Other ships: Ornstein/Nameless King... I think that’s it? Him with Gwyndolin was my first ship tbh, so that one is still somewhat interesting as well.

What kind of fic I’d write about them: Hurt/comfort, hurt/comfort, hurt/comfort! That one fits best for Ornstein all the way. He’s a sad boy.

A favorite canon moment: He has not much canon screen stuff. xD Sure my OC version of him has plenty of time... But with the canon game the only thing he has is a boss fight in Dark Souls I.

Color that reminds me of them: Gold and Red, always. Also Cyan/Turquoise, because it’s the colour of lightning and what I headcanon his eyes to look like.

Song that reminds me of them: Miserere Mei Deus!

A headcanon about them: Too many haha, it’s why I ended up making my version an OC because he turned to be so very different. I suppose one of the headcanons I still strongly believe is that you do fight the actual Ornstein and Smough, Smough died during the battle and Ornstein went on a trip to look for his lost Master the Nameless King. Ornstein managed to find said location and lived with him for about a week until he succumed to illness and died. He now lays buried at the stone altar close to where you fight Nameless King. It is outside and stands tall on some sort of hill, looking out over the mountains. 

A random AU I think up on the spot for them: World of Warcraft AU where he’d likely be a Dragon... I just am not too fond of the whole possibly making it possible for players to turn into Dragons. So it’s an idea in name alone. 

Anything else: Ornstein is still my baby, love him with all my heart. His first name is Glaurung as well (Tolkien!). <3

--

Fandral Staghelm:

OTP for them: Fandral/Xavius (only in the AU Dazzittok came up with) or Illidan/Fandral (a crack pairing yes, but I think they could have a very interesting dynamic).

BROTP for them: God... Everyone is an asshole towards Fandral so he doesn’t have many friends. But him and Broll seemed close? So perhaps those two. I also like to think of how Malfurion would have been with him in the past before everything went downhill.

Other ships: Fandral/Tyrande... My guilty pleasure hehe. Their constant bickering is super entertaining.

What kind of fic I’d write about them: Once again Hurt/Comfort cause his entire story is sad and depressing... Maybe a bit slice of life though? I’d love to go into more details of what went on inside of his head after his son died.

A favorite canon moment: I LOVED the final confrontation with him in the book Stormrage. He seemed so far gone, deeply hurt and overal like a mess and I think the writer portrayed this very well. If only Malfurion had send him to the Moonglade to recover instead of a prison in Mount Hyjal which he somehow thought would cure him?? 

Color that reminds me of them: Hahaha... Emerald Green.

Song that reminds me of them: Leaves From The Vine and It’s Been So Long by Caleb Hyles

A headcanon about them: Hmmm... Not really? I really love the idea Dazzittok has that Fandral was aware Xavius was playing tricks, but just wanted something to hold on to. I like to imagine him and Illidan at least knew each other in a sense and Fandral would sometimes visit him in prison if permitted. While this one is already kinda canon I also always felt Fandral wasn’t “corrupted” like WoW likes to tell their villains are, but rather very, very ill mentally. Losing his partner, his son, his granddaughter, having his Shan’do turn his back on him whenever he needed him, constantly being shoved aside for your ideas (and right after everyone screaming about how good some of them are, not even giving credit where is due) it does things to a man.

A random AU I think up on the spot for them: A happy AU... Please. One where his entire family is still alive and he can be happy.

Anything else: My fave wow character hands down, I know he’s rather unpopular but I love him!

[theseadagiodays]

May 4, 2020

This is Not a Performance

Irving H Bolano’s incredible repurposed newspaper fashion for the Met Gala Challenge on Twitter #HFMetGala2020

May the Fourth be With You as you reach the next chapter of this current sci-fi drama we seem to be living through.   As the saying goes, reality can be stranger than fiction.   But it just happens to be a many red-eyed virus rather than an evil, black-masked father that we’re fighting as we all walk around like Storm Troopers.  

There are so many aspects of our lives, during Covid, which make it feel like we are actors in a make-believe story.   First of all, we’ve all become movie stars, with our faces, homes, and even pets showcased on our own silver screens.  As isolated as we are, our private lives now play out in the public sphere more than ever - no paparazzi required.    For some, this invasion of privacy is unwelcomed. But for many people, it satisfies a secret longing to share themselves with a wider audience.  After all, deep down, everyone wants to be seen and heard (I guess, me included, since I have this blog, after all).  It’s why TikTok and YouTube and Facebook have become multi-billion dollar companies so quickly.  And now, while this pandemic is a harsh daily reminder of the impermanence of all things, it makes sense that these digital missives are an attempt to seek immortality, in some strange way.

As someone whose work responds to human’s need to have a voice, I truly get why this is the case.  And I love that this time has turned housewives into opera stars, and health care workers into hip hop dancers, and housepets into circus performers. But, at the same time, I have become very aware of the masks that we wear, even inside our homes, to portray a certain self to the world that may stray quite far from our authentic selves.  The expression “dance like no one is watching” acknowledges the fact that we all tend to perform when we have an audience, and perhaps we’re only truly ourselves when we don’t.   I understand that the way we “perform” ourselves online gives each of us a chance to reinvent the fictions we want our stories to have.   So, while I surely take some guilty pleasure from intimate glimpses into strangers’ lives, I also do so with a certain skepticism about the veracity of what I’m seeing.  

This became particularly true for me when I received a recent link from my friend and amazing singer/songwriter, Dominique Fricot. Capitalizing on this current trend of oversharing, he cleverly asked his fans to film their morning routines for the music video of his new song, Wake Up, by his duo, Flora Falls.  Dom’s warm tenor voice blended with his partner’s breathy tones feel just like a lazy morning in bed.  But I’ll leave it up to you to decide just how accurate these portrayals of people’s idyllic daytime rituals actually are.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EbsqXou5FeY

May 5, 2020

Homeschool Heroes

About twenty years ago,  I was invited to adjudicate a youth music competition in the Yukon.  Travelling to one of the northernmost inhabited spots on earth, I imagined that my greatest surprise might have been a polar bear or Northern Lights sighting.  But it turned out to be something entirely different.  Among the 25,000 residents of the thriving metropolis of Whitehorse exists a treasure trove of talent.  I could not believe the incredibly honed skills and nuanced expression with which these 11-18 year-olds played.   Wondering why, I developed a theory that I now call SLoW: Sheltered Living Wonder.  When long, dark days, cold climates or pandemics force people indoors, they tend to spend inordinate amounts of time on creative endeavors and skill development.  In other words, they slow down and take time for wonder.

This theory has surely applied during these past few months of sheltering in place.   One of the most remarkable examples has been the inventiveness that many of my friends have brought to their first attempts with homeschooling.   So, I wanted to give a few shout outs to some of these Homeschool Heroes and the highly imaginative projects they’ve done with their kids.

Stunning Easter Eggs made from natural materials and dye, by my friend Jane Cox and her kids  (Botany lesson)

Candy Covid virus, made by Amelia, my friend Jen Sanke’s daughter, as she learned about the virus’ proteins (Biology lesson)

But perhaps the prize for most complex homeschool project has to go to my architect friend, Bryn Davidson, who upon returning from Australia, in late March, had to fully quarantine for 2-weeks.  So, with his 5-year old son Bei as helper, this Physics lesson allowed him to enjoy home delivery beer while in isolation.  Just brilliant!

https://youtu.be/FF9-2dWoUtc

May 6, 2020

Living in livestream

So today, 5 million British Columbian’s awaited our “sentence” with baited breath, as word spread that our provincial prime minister would deliver the Re-Open BC plan at 3 pm.   I have to admit, it felt a bit like when you were “grounded” as an adolescent and then your parents returned certain privileges to you.  Of course, I’m well aware that our province has already been far more licentious than many places around the globe.  We’ve been fortunate to maintain reasonably low numbers of infection (just over 2,000), with counts as low as 8 new cases per day, at this point. So, while our provincial parks closed, our beaches never did.  While we were encouraged, within a reasonable range of home, to be active outdoors, we were not restricted to walks only within the 100 metre radius of our house, as my Israeli friends were.  And while we could still shop at gardening and furniture stores, to make sheltering at home more enjoyable, New Zealanders had nothing but grocery stores and pharmacies open, for two months.  

I have sensed the gratitude my fellow Vancouverites have felt about these privileges.  But that does not mean that we aren’t still anxious to return to other aspects of living which we’ve missed.  When lockdown began, ominously on the Ides of March (the 15th), I’d harboured a secret hope that certain restrictions might be lifted on my birthday (exactly two months later).  And it turns out that Phase Two of the BC ReOpen plan will commence on May 19th, just 4 days later than I’d hoped.  What I most look forward to experiencing again are small gatherings with friends, (we’ll soon be allowed to socialize in public with up to 10 people); meals inside certain restaurants and pubs (those that are able to function within WorkPlace BC’s safety regulations); visits to registered massage therapists; and hugs with select people, (”using one’s own ‘risk assessment’.”)

But in the long-range plan, the harsh reality for artists has been laid out, as Phase Four (which includes resuming large-venue concerts, conventions, and international travel) can not occur until either a vaccine has been developed, an effective treatment plan is widely available, or herd immunity is achieved.  And this is not estimated to occur until mid-2021 or later.  So, the prospects are still bleak for symphony orchestras, opera and dance companies, artists who perform in crowded bars, or musicians who travel for arena shows and festivals.  This likely means that in order to satisfy audiences’ need to access live performance, and for artists to continue to share their creativity,  livestream formats will still have to persist for some time.  Therefore, I thought I’d share a few regular weekly livestream arts events here, both from Vancouver, LA & NY.

Canadian National Live Art Champion, Dmitri Sirenko, who we featured at our non-profit’s annual benefit on February 20th, 2020

Every Monday Night at 7 pm PST (Vancouver) Poetry Slam: https://www.facebook.com/Vancouverpoetryslam/

Every Thursday at 5 pm PST (LA): LIVE Art Battles - Watch painters do their magic in just 20 minutes: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWJoWGVwzGtk99nTOCib9vg

Every Thursday at 8 pm EST (NY): Spotlight on Plays - famous actors perform readings of theatre pieces, online: https://www.broadwaysbestshows.com/post/the-best-of-series/

May 7, 2020

Collateral Blessings

So many thoughtful writers are adding to the discourse, as we all strive to make meaning from what can feel like a senseliess time.  I have so appreciated the abundance with which people are sharing these missives, right now.  Every day, bursts of inspiration or flickers of insight come my way, thru texts, emails and Facebook.  Like adventurers, traveling together thru the dark of night, we shine light on guideposts, anywhere we can find them, as we collectively quench each other’s thirst for wisdom.  

One of the most profound writings I‘ve recently discovered came from a stranger’s blog.  In The Examined Family, Courtney Martin, without ever diminishing the gravity of the havoc that this virus has wreaked, writes about some of the assets that have also come out of this time.  New friendships with neighbors.  A long-neglected puzzle completed with her kids.   The time to draw and truly notice an artichoke in her back garden. My good friend Juan calls these collateral blessings.  This reference to the accidental gifts that this cruel virus has given us, is a beautiful twist on “collateral damage”, a term coined to explain accidental friendly-fire deaths during the Gulf War.  Commenting on the anticipatory nostalgia that she projects she will feel about certain things, once this time has passed, Courtney writes:

“I instantly feel overwhelmed at the prospect of schedules and stuff. I don’t want to go back to our former accumulation or frenetic pace. I don’t want to stop texting (my neighbor) my little triumphs. I don’t want to forget about the artichokes in the garden. I don’t ever want to forget this happened--the grief and the beauty of it. I’m not even sure that will be possible, but if it were, I wouldn’t want it. I don’t want to vote like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to eat like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to consume like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to schedule like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to mother or daughter or befriend or neighbor like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to sit inside this little life, noticing and appreciating and breathing, like it didn’t happen. There is unnecessary suffering all around me, and inside of me, too, but there is also necessary meaning. May we hold on to that.”      

You can read her full entry here: https://courtney.substack.com/p/unnecessary-suffering-and-necessary?token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjo3OTg0NDcyLCJwb3N0X2lkIjozNzU1NDMsIl8iOiJCTnk2VyIsImlhdCI6MTU4NzA1MjgyMCwiZXhwIjoxNTg3MDU2NDIwLCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMjA5MjIiLCJzdWIiOiJwb3N0LXJlYWN0aW9uIn0.puI9NMne-783ypInpvTkJ96T237WcrTo2ItDhqlkMiY

May 8, 2020

Nostalgia

I’m rarely one prone to nostalgia.  My childhood photo albums are in storage.  I have no family heirlooms displayed in my home.  My tendency is to revel in the present or dream about the future.  But this pandemic has strangely turned me into a sentimental fool.  Perhaps this return to simpler times, where we seldom shop, where we wander mostly by foot, or where we get to know our neighbors better, makes us long for the past in certain ways.  

For me, I’ve honored this by resurrecting my daily teenage Twizzler habit - a candy I’ve rarely eaten since then, but that now feels so satisfying during my Netflix & Chill evenings (while watching films almost as old like Groundhog Day & Anchorman).  

I’m also listening a lot to Old School Hip Hop, where the explative-free rhymes of the 90’s feel so strangely innocent.  It’s refreshing to listen to these musicians spit verses that merely celebrate the joys of dance and rap, rather than ranting about gun violence and other societal ills.  Run DMC It’s Tricky (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-O5IHVhWj0) and Beastie Boys Body Movin’ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvRBUw_Ls2o) happen to be personal favorites.  

Last month, I was tickled by an old memory while planting a lilac bush in my backyard.  I suddenly remembered a story about my college boyfriend, whom I hadn’t thought of in 30 years.  Our relationship started a bit secretively, so as not to hurt his ex’s feelings.  So, one May afternoon, we snuck away to a distant park that was hosting a Lilac Festival.  Unfortunately, our ruse was quickly spoiled when a candid photo of our picnic under the purple blooms was plastered all over the front page of the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle the next morning.  

Another sweet memory returned in culinary form. Every Tuesday, for 7 years, my mother selflessly drove me an hour from home and back, for my flute lesson.  And to break up the long drive, we regularly stopped at Bickford’s Pancake House for my favorite adolescent treat: breakfast for dinner. Their specialty was the Dutch Baby Apple.  And I finally made my first homemade attempt at this deceptively easy delicacy, last Tuesday.  

This has also been a time to return to bedtime stories (some I’ve read to friends’ kids, and others for adults to hear.)  The Great Realisation by British performance artist, Tom Foolery, has been making the social media rounds. But in case you missed this touching tale that looks back on this time as if the tale is being told in a not-so-distant future, it’s a wistful story about some aspects of modern life that we may never long for in the future:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw5KQMXDiM4

[josy57]

I was tagged by @the-girl-who-didnt-make-anysense ❤

Question fact thingies:

Do you make your bed?

Well... if the covers are sliding off, I will adjust them but no, I don’t retuck everything neatly everyday

What’s your favorite number?

I don’t really have one. I never see a number and think “Ahah, I just drew my lucky number!” The only number I have that kind of reaction for is 22, because I was born on the 22nd. So 22, I guess ?

What’s your job?

I am still a student. I got my Master’s last year and right now I am prepping for a very difficult competitive exam and if I pass, I hope to get into a PhD program.

If you could, would you go back to school?

As stated, I never really left since I’m still in university. As for going back to prior schools, I would consider going back to highschool but I would literally rather be burnt alive than go back to any school before, I am thankful everyday I made it out.

Can you parallel park?

I don’t drive so no.

A job you’ve had that will surprise people?

I worked as a 4th grade teacher in Minnesota for a year. What surprised many of the people who knew me was how much I enjoyed my time with the children and how close I was to them.

Do you think aliens are real?

Aliens like those we portray in media, no. But other forms of life in this vast, vast universe? Why not?

Can you drive a manual car:

Nope

Any guilty pleasures?

I have many things that others would deem guilty pleasures but I dispute the term, if I enjoy something, if it makes me happy, then to hell with people, I’m not going to be ashamed. 

Tattoos?

Nope

Favorite color?

I have favorite shades of every color so I can’t really answer. 

Things people do that drive you crazy?

If we’re talking about small, unimportant thing: walking slowly on a narrow sidewalk when there are people behind you, chewing with your mouth open, tapping your foot, pen or anything else repeatedly in class, repeating the same ‘empty’ phrase every two words (but in French more than in English, so things like “en fait”, “et tout” etc..).  

If we’re talking more important things, I think the one thing that boils my blood most is people who are extremely uneducated about a subject but position themselves as figures of authority and try to school others when they hold the most idiotic views ever to be presented. 

Any phobias?

Oh yes, needles, hornets/wasps, mutilation, especially regarding eyes, etc... I may look chill but I live in fear 90% of the time 😅

Favorite childhood sport?

The same as my favorite grown-up sport: badminton. Though I played handball for many years as a very young child and volleyball for two years afterwards (but the ‘team’ aspect of ‘team sports’ always caused issues for me.).

Do you talk to yourself?

The better question would be: do I ever not talk to myself? And the answer would be no, absolutely not, I can tell you from experience the bitch does not shut up, because the bitch is me.

What movie do you adore?

“Girl, Interrupted”, “Bridge to Terabithia”, “The Constant Gardener”, “Big Fish”, “Prisoners”, “The Hunchback of Notre-Dame”, “The English Patient”, “Sweeney Todd”, “The Dark Knight”, “Anastasia”, “Her”, and many many many more. 

Do you like doing puzzles?

Hell yeah.

Favorite kind of music?

Folk, india, alternative, rock, metal...

Tea or coffee?

Coffee.

First thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up?

For a long time I didn’t have an answer to the “What do you want to be when you frow up?” question, because even little, I was keenly aware that we were too young to know and that most if not all of the things other people were picking for a future would never come to be (Yes, I was already a party-pooper). But there were things that I would say I was interested in becoming for fun: the one I remember most is archeologist (I loved dinosaurs and ancient Egypt). Also, there is the famous anecdote in my family that I went to one (1) class of ballet, said that I wanted to be “une danseuse d’étoiles” (which is funny because the real term is “danseuse étoile”, and what I said would mean that I was making the stars dance, not being a “star dancer”).  

Tagging @bedeliainwonderland, @vagabondprophet, @hedonisticteeth-suggest, @wreckedwonderland, @mrymdoesstuff, @just-another-fangirly-lesbian

[saiangelo999]

2020 T.V Show Tracker

T.V. Shows

The Witcher 

Started 2019 finished 2020. Click here for my thoughts.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Completed - I really enjoyed the episode with Pimento, that episode was just hilarious. I think that was one of my favourite episodes this season.

Self Made

It was very a enjoyable mini-series. Sarah's story is so fascinating and inspirational precisely because of how many hardships she had to deal with throughout her life. I enjoyed the show and learning more about Madam CJ Walker.

Interior Design Masters

This was a really fun show. I didn’t agree with everything that the judges said, but I definitely had fun watching the contestants renovate commercial and residential places. My favourite episode was when they worked on the stores (not restaurants). I really loved those transformations.

The Big Flower Fight

It was such a fun show! I really enjoyed watching how the contestants used plants to create beautiful and interesting topiaries/sculptures. I loved most of the contestants and was always looking forward to their take on each challenge!

Space Force

It was a fun show! Enjoyed watching it with my sister.  :)

Hannibal

Re-visiting this show from the one or two episodes I watched back when I was in grade 12 and one of my teachers was promoting this show because her friend was an extra in it. But, I really am intrigued by the concept, the way the show is filmed is just so gorgeous for such a gory show and the plot is very fascinating. Anytime Hannibal feeds anyone I get a bit antsy. But Will Graham is just such an interesting character. I have high expectations of the show!

Update: Finished s1 and LOVED it! As I was binging s2 I started to get nightmares and also the plot started to move forward at a snail’s pace (imo) so I will put this show on hold for now.

The Umbrella Academy s2

So I really enjoyed this season of Umbrella Academy because I got to see more of Five kicking ass as a teenager, the character growth of BOTH Diego and Luther, seeing the entire family getting closer to Vanya and the general action sequences of the show. I enjoyed the new characters as well - Lila and The Swedes. I admit my memory of season 1 of this show is somewhat vague, but I found that the ending of the season (its climax to be precise in episode 10) to be somewhat lackluster considering the build-up. 

I really enjoyed was seeing Klaus, Allison and Vanya deal with their respective subplots and that scene in the barbershop with the three of them bonding really was a highlight of the season. Also when (spoiler alert) Ben finally ‘died’ and went to the afterlife that scene was so well executed and emotional and has got to be one of my favorite moments of the season. It was nice to see him helping Vanya out.

The Haunting of Bly Manor

I loved this show! I grew to love these characters so much! I loved Hannah and Owen’s relationship so much.

The Haunting of Hill House

So, I read the book first and wanted to see what the hype was all about. I really enjoyed the little easter eggs to the book in the show, and that ONE SCENE with the ‘Bent-Neck lady’ gave me a nightmare... It was good, definitely an interesting take on the story.

Anime

The Disastrous Life of Saiki: Reawakened

I love how the show constantly shows us that Saiki will tolerate anyone for the sweet sweet coffee jelly. I need more of this show!! Please give me more episodes @Netflix.

Haikyuu!

I love it. I understand the hype now. I really enjoy how they show the lives of all the people in the show, the ‘extras’ on the team, the opponents and give us a glimpse into their lives and their stories. I finished season two and am looking forward to more! It’s honestly so hard to be rooting for just one person in this show and I love that.  Finished 2 seasons so far. Will get back into it eventually. I’m honestly jealous that I can’t play volleyball rn.

Mob Psycho 100

This will probably take me a while to finish as I am planning to read it before watching it. It’s so so lovable. I love Mob and I would do anything to protect him. Also I really like Regen’s protectiveness and genuineness towards Shigeo. It’s just a great manga/anime. Finished season one. It is so addicting! I love Mob and Reigen so much! <3

Update: finished season two. Man watching this show makes my heart grow 5 x as big every time I watch it! It’s just so endearing, fun, comedic. I love how season two really just show’s Shigeo’s growth throughout the season. His speech to Shirazawa at the last episode and how it came full circle - loved it! I also was surprised by the red headed son (Ryu?) in the best way. I hope we see more of him in the next season. Can’t wait for more!

Fruits Basket season 2

Can’t wait for more crying. 🙃 I am really looking forward to seeing Yuki’s character development and his relationship with Machi and Kakeru developing. Also looking forward to seeing Momiji growing and more moments between Kyo and Tohru.

Update: Love seeing Yuki’s arc in the anime format. Seeing him reach out to his brother, Hatsuharu and the student council peeps and grow is so rewarding to watch. Looking forward to more and more Kyorhu. One wish is that, I wish with this season we could see Momiiji change physically a bit more but I’m holding onto hope for that near the end of the season. 

March Comes in like a Lion/ 3-gatsu no Lion

It’s not my usual type of anime to watch as it is so slice-of-life, but in a weird way it really reminds me of My Roommate is a Cat except after I watch it I want to play chess or learn shogi. Of course, Rei has depression and a lot of issues he needs to work with, but the sisters are just so sweet and the moments that they show up to take care of him are so heartwarming. I love his self-proclaimed ‘best’ friend and rival - Nikaidou. I just really love how he’s drawn, his personality and when he shows up in the show it definitely perks me up. I really enjoy seeing him develop as a character and as a person. I am somewhat sympathetic to the plight of his foster sister but where I am in the show (finished s1) I absolutely loathe her. I really like seeing  how many people are around Rei and watching him tackle life and grow. Looking forward to watching s2!

The animation is very interesting. One thing that I am not sure if it is deliberate or not is how the characters’ facial expressions (mostly the way the mouth is in close-ups) are drawn to me seems very ambiguous to me - I can’t quite understand what emotion is being conveyed.

Update: Started s2 and man the bullying storyline with Hina is so sad.

Teasing Master Takagi-san

DNF. Just started it randomly. It’s very cute.

The Great Pretender

I started it cuz it was short and seemed like fun. It has darker undertones than I expected going into it. On the Singapore storyline.

Wotaku

This was very short and binge-able. I liked it, it’s fun for what it is.

Dramas

Never Twice

So idk if I’ll actually keep up with this as it is a guilty pleasure atm. I just started it because I liked some of the tropes that the show had (found family, sweet male lead, baby being doted on etc.). I am enjoying the gifs of the show. The plot is very... boring and I do recognize that for the most part the female characters don’t have much intrinsic motivation or identity outside male characters... 

05.2020 Update: DNF. 

Crash Landing on You

I am really enjoying it so far. I really like that both the female leads are just very powerful and interesting on their own. Really like how the found family trope is being used. The romance is cute (a bit much at times imo). I still can’t get over how Captain Ri heard her suicide tape and just went ‘oh we are fated to be together’. That was... an interesting interpretation of the tape...

Also the whole thing with her being in N. Korea is hilarious and really the drama asks the viewer to really suspend disbelief to enjoy the show but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Update: Completed. Enjoyed it overall. Wasn’t the best drama I’ve ever seen but REALLY loved the female leads in the show. Seo Dan and her family are just SO adorable. Can’t believe Gu Suengjoon was killed just as his relationship with Dan became so cute. One qualm is that this show does the whole near death thing WAY too many times with the main couple for my taste. 

365: Repeat the Year

Interesting premise and it has Nam Jihyun who I love. Looking forward to more and hoping it will keep my attention. I can’t believe that by episode 10 that the serial killer was revealed. I mean, I’m still invested in the show but that definitely caught me off-guard.

Finished it! I am really glad that they reduced the total amount of episodes because I felt that the ending was well done - not too rushed, not too out there (for the show). It was a very good ending for the show! I recommend it to anyone interested in a sci-fi/thriller. Overall, it was a fun time! Very engaging and would appeal to anyone interested in thrillers. I do have ONE gripe about the show which is a spoiler but it did not prevent me from enjoying the show. 

Love with Flaws/ People with Flaws

Finished! I started it cuz of a random compilation I saw on Youtube with the show and the gifs of it here and there and it’s decent overall. I would say that out of the many kdramas I’ve seen in this genre, it does stand slightly apart from the rest because of how each character is portrayed. I feel like there were no overt archetypes for the characters and I especially liked how they portrayed characters relationships. I liked how the siblings’ relationships were portrayed, and I really ended up loving the female lead’s eldest brother. He’s just so sweet and kind and I love how he does his best to take care of their entire family. It was definitely sad to see at points knowing that Cha In Ha committed suicide, but his character in the show was just so well done and important! Also his boyfriend is literally so pure I love him. As usual Seulgi just makes me go  😍😍.   

Nobody Knows 2020

It’s really good - very dark and bizarre. The shady foundation’s motivations are a mystery to me, but that hotel owner is a very interesting character. I will get back to it when I can handle more pain.

Update few months later: The twists and the turns though. Wow. I love all the children and how (so far) they are all portrayed as victims of circumstance. They are so sweet and I appreciate how Eun Ho, Dong Ryong and Min Sung’s relationships progress throughout the show. I’m also enjoying the character development of Sun Woo (the teacher/heir to the foundation). It’s also nice to see Cha Young-Jin begin to slowly open up. I’m enjoying the show a lot so far and am very intrigued by Baek Sang Ho’s group.

Final update: FINISHED it! Really loved this drama a lot. I love how all the characters are written so lovingly with so much depth to them. I liked the way the plot unraveled, I liked how all the relationships developed in the story, I loved the way forgiveness and morality were discussed. It was a really good drama and I am missing it already!

Chicago Typewriter

A re-watch. Man I love this drama. The three leads and their relationship is just adorable. 

I hope that in Shin Yul’s world/afterlife or whatever they can be happy together. <3 

Oh My Baby

I started this out because I was extremely bored and saw a few gifs of the show. It seems promising. Don’t have super high expectations of the show tbh. I do like the main couple though! They are adorable, nervously awaiting how it will conclude.

Update: Skipped a couple of episodes (4?) and went to the end. It ended up alright, very open ending and somewhat realistic. I’m glad the main characters were able to put their relationship above their disappointment in being infertile.

Strangers from Hell/ Hell is Other People

I really enjoyed it!! - If I were to recommend it to anyone I would recommend they go into it as blind as possible to enjoy it to the fullest.

So... I had no clue that this show was ONLY 10 episodes long, so imagine my surprise as the events that have been put to play begin to climax, I checked and was surprised that it wasn’t a 16 episode drama. Anyways, this drama had superb writing, directing, acting and fight scene choreography. Everything came together to really make this show have such a dark, creepy atmosphere that intensified as the episodes went on. I loved how the show portrayed how Yoon Joon Yoo/O’s mentality was tested to the breaking point. Tbh I thought he was slow in the beginning of the show (episode 1-2), but turned out that he did far better than his counterparts. I think that one thing that was a shame was they didn’t really show the strength of his relationship w his girlfriend too much before, and had they had more screen time as a couple I would have been even more invested in the story. 

Mystic Pop-up Bar

Loved it! This was a really enjoyable show. The pacing was good, the story was interesting and I liked watching the characters relationships develop. It was heartwarming and a fun watch! I enjoyed the focus on various people’s stories showcasing all sorts of relationships. 

It’s Okay Not to be Okay/ Psycho But It’s Okay

Put it on hold for now - watched up until episode 10-12ish.

Flower of Evil

The best kdrama of 2020 so far? Possibly.  Love how it mixes being a thriller with the marital relationship aspect. One potential con is that it seems that the mystery aspect of the show for now seems fairly obvious but how the situations will be handled keeps me on the edge of my seat!! Also I totally did not expect such a strong marriage to be shown in a thriller drama! Also the way that Cha Ji Won is written is just chef’s kiss. I love how complex she is, how intelligent, kind, caring and so so good at putting things together. I love Hyun So’s family and I hope it ends with them staying together.

Update: Finished it! Not sure how I feel about the very last episode... but I can say I’m glad that Do Hae Su got some crumbs in terms of character development by the end. So glad she didn’t end up with Moo Jin and started a new life abroad. The amnesia plot was unnecessary imo, I would have rather seen more cute scenes of them together than angst in the last episode. But, it was interesting to see how the trial was revealed, and the Baek’s got way better than they deserved which is unfortunately realistic.

Lie after Lie

Plot sounded way more interesting in the synopsis vs the execution. Mediocre plot which I thought was easy to see through.

Eighteen Again

sort of dnf? I made it to epi 14 or so and just finished it in my head and through gifs. It had so much potential which I think it squandered... but there were some genuinely heart warming scenes from the show which I really enjoyed. (Siwoo and his dad bonding, all the scenes showing the mc as the nicest dude).

I don’t want to be friends with you

I really enjoyed the show. I liked how it portrayed the mother-daughter relationship, the differences in how they were raised and how Li Jing Bu was able to get the love she so craved through her dream?/journey. I liked how the romance was handled, how she gained such meaningful relationships during the show and how important it was to her that her mom was happy.

The Good Detective (2020)

I really enjoyed this show! It was really cool to see a show that critiques the corrupt systems they have in place and the unexpected consequences that it can have on people. I liked how it touched on themes of guilt, remorse, forgiveness and resilience. Also, it was interesting to see a guy who has all the money in the world choose to be a workaholic detective.

Part 2

[dumbledoom]

The Umbrella Academy

What a good show!!!!! Let me tell ya, I was sleepin on this show and I have no clue why!?!?! Take a seat, grab a snack, get comfortable cuz I'm about to rant!!!

Ok for starters, as a disclaimer, I knew nothing about the comic books or characters or anything before watching this show. But damn, going into it blind is probably just as much fun as if you were already an established fan.

This show is so so entertaining and well done. It sort of reminds me of Heroes, way back in the day when that show was on (Sylar was my jam gah-damn). I feel like The Umbrella Academy captures that same kind of audience kind of, but it's so independent and unique on it's own that it's definitely separated from Heroes.

This show speaks to me on so many levels. Emotionally stunted family/siblings dealing with the abusive/neglectful childhood they were raised in. Superheroes (also my main jam). Action, love of all kinds, personal development for each character, humor, seriously this show is just so well rounded.

I didn't know what to expect at every turn, I was kept constantly trying to guess what was going to happen next and there were several options to choose from for them to go. Each character brings something different to the table and it's just so fun to see them grow and where they go with the story.

The actors! Good-god-almighty! They did such a great job of picking these people, not to mention the diversity. Yay! I'm so for it, I love it!

Allison is so gorgeous (even tho her hair looking like ramen noodles had me so distracted for most of the season, I got over it...kinda) She is beautiful and her power, "I heard a rumor", like damn dude you could get away with anything with that! No wonder her character chose to be an actress in the show. She is smart and sassy and confident and I'm here for it. I feel bad for her with her backstory with her daughter, but like if I were a mom with her power, I'd probably have done the same thing (cuz ya girl ain't got an ounce of patience for bullshit)

Vanya (super cool name, love it) isn't my favorite character but she is still pretty cool. Its kind of hard for me to look at Ellen Page and not think of Juno. She's never been my favorite actress, but she does a good job with this character, being so closed off and neglected at the beginning and then completely transforming. Homegirl had is super rough as a child, I feel for her, being left out...that shit kills. She is soooo tiny in stature compared to everyone else in the show, it kept throwing me off a bit, but like that's not her fault. If anything it adds to her character. I hate how easy it was for her to be influenced by what others said. (Btw, fuck you Leonard, you're a dick bro, I ain't even gonna give you your own paragraph of opinion, cuz you manipulative fuck, I don't like you!)

Now for the boys!

Good lord they did my boy, Tom Hopper, dirty with the outrageous bodysuit they put on him for Luther! Like he is so naturally built and pretty to look at and they had to go and ruin my visual pleasure of him with that gnarly bodysuit! I spent the better part of like the first 4 or 5 episodes trying to think of how they did this effect before I thought of them making him wear just a big foam prosthetic. (Insert gif of Chris Evans' "I don't wike it" here) Luther as a character I feel needs a bit more development, they don't really define his power super clearly except for his build telling you its strength. They don't showcase it very well and it makes me sad. Also!! Why would you put him on the moon for 4 years! Damn you, Reginald!! Even without the in-depth background development, I love him as a character cuz he definitely tries to be the golden boy, protector, older brother even though they're all the same age. I love him. The dance scene between him and Allison completed me!

Diego is awesome! I love him. I wasn't too sure of him at the start, he looked super suspicious and guilty at the start but I really learned to love him. Not to mention he is hot af, like damn boi! I love how much of a hot-head he is and his power with the knives is dope. His relationship with Klaus is so funny as it develops and I just really enjoy it. He is stubborn as fuck tho! Seeing some of his backstory and how close he is with mom is so sweet, cuz he plays the tough guy when he is such a mama's boy at heart.

Five is such a goober! Putting an old dude in a kid's body, he is so dry and serious and it's just so funny cuz he is the most mature out of all of them! He's such a grump too, but I would be too if I had gone through what he did. His power is super cool and I would love to have it! Imagine all the money you'd save on gas and plane tickets just being able to jump anywhere like that!! GOALS! The fact he can time travel with it is just a bonus! He really is the smartest of the bunch (tho Allison is on his heels, as runner up) I'm my opinion. The fact that he is in love with a mannequin is such a quirky and fun part of the show! It's like they were like, "sure, give the youngest character a love interest, but make sure she isn't real", genius! I don't know what these writers were thinking, but it fucking works.

Klaus is my favorite character of the entire damn show! This boy is so fucking funny, I can't get over it. He has these one-liners or quips throughout the show that just get me. His style and look is so attractive too, especially when he isn't really my usual type, but I was really feeling him. I love that they portray the addiction struggle. I think he, as an actor, really nails that part of the performance and brings a lot of heart to it. He really makes you fall in love with the black sheep of the family, the screw up. I really enjoy his relationship with Ben throughout the show and the fact that it's so secluded to the two of them. I really like that they don't play on his sexuality as what defines him, it's a part of him that is important, but it's not his sole focus and I really appreciate that. I wish they would elaborate more on his relationship with Dave, but maybe that'll be explained more in future seasons? The fact that he communicates with dead people for his power is super cool. The old Russian lady just yapping in the background of that one episode was so funny, but like I can see why he resorts to drugs for relief. Poor baby can't get any peace and quiet, not even in the tub! The scene of him dancing around in his towel is great, it kills me! Klaus really is just my favorite of the whole show, he really steals it for me and I just love him so much!!!

I really want Ben to be expanded as a character. I like the actor they chose for him, I like his sense of humor and the fact that he basically acts as Klaus' conscience. I want more of him, cuz I think he is a cool character and I want more backstory.

Freaking Hazel and Cha-Cha! What a duo!? Mary J. Blige is legendary, so beautiful and suave. Having her paired with a guy like Hazel is just so fun. He is such a sweetheart, falling for the donut lady who is like way older than him!? I would've never called that and it's a bit weird of a relationship, but I respect it! You love who you love! Anyways, Hazel and Cha-Cha are fun to watch and the fact that they struggle so much with trying to kill Five is just hilarious to me.

Altogether the show is just so much fun to watch. The relationship between the characters and the development is choice and I love it. I relate to each character and what they go through in different aspects and it triggers me and my memories, but I don't really mind to be honest, the show is worth it. The main plot of stop the apocalypse is overdone, but if you can look past that (like I do) then the show is so enjoyable. I definitely recommend it to anyone who needs a new binge (seeing as I watched it in an afternoon, don't judge me, I did 5 hours of microeconomics homework before that).

So yeah...that's all I gotta say about that.

[dialovers-hell]

Anonymous said: How do you think the boys would do with having a physically disabled s/o? Who has trouble moving or seeing and such? From what I’ve seen of this series the characters seem rude and sadistic and not really kind, but your answers def make it seem like they are nicer than I thought. Idk what to think about them all really....

A/N: That’s actually really interesting for you to mention and i think its important for me to explain that compared to the anime and the games, i do make them wayyyyy nicer than how they’re actually portrayed. That’s the beauty of this blog and many others like it. We’re able to create an idealized world where each character is to our liking and fits our daydreams about them. What a lot of people have done is use the characters in the franchise as a mold for their looks and underlying personality, but for the most part, the content we create surrounding them is pretty much non-canon and tailoring them to what we crave as an audience. It’s all in good fun really so i hope that this clears any misconceptions up for you and if you have any more questions then i’d be glad to be of service and answer them  (｀∀´)ゝ”

Also I wasn’t sure which family you were referring to so I decided to only write for the Sakamakis for now but please don’t hesitate to resend the ask asking for the Mukamis if that's what you want

* IMPORTANT NOTE * I apologize in advance if i accidentally offend somebody while writing this or if i come off as ignorant or unrealistic. The last thing i would want to do is write something that would make a reader feel bad about themselves and my only intention is to answer the question to the best of my abilities so please understand that i am writing from a place of limited knowledge and by no means want to insult anybody <3

Shu - It wouldn’t really matter to him seeing as he would want to spend most of your time just chilling and cuddling so it doesn’t really inconvenience him in any way. It would also make it a lot easier for him to track you down when he’s thirsty. You’re dependency on him doesn’t act as a turn off but rather the opposite as it leads to him teasing you for being so in love with him that you’re just making excuses to feel him up but don’t worry it’s all done out of love and he actually rather enjoys the fact that someone actually trusts him enough to help take care of them considering how he has a reputation for being lazy and irresponsible.

Reiji - For an s/o that he truly cared about, he would do everything in his power to ensure that you are completely capable of taking care of yourself in the most comfortable and efficient way possible. This would include him concocting potions to lessen discomfort such as muscle pain and heightening your senses through a variety of exercises which he would perform on a daily basis so that you are able to get around more easily.

Ayato - He would get frustrated at times since he’s extremely active and might find it difficult at times to find things for the both of you to do together which you were actually able to do but he tries his best. However, his thick skull does lead to him making insensitive remarks at times (especially when angry) but he immediately feels guilty after seeing the look of hurt on your face and tries to make it up to you.

Laito - He finds it interesting to challenge himself to find ways of pleasuring you which in a way take advantage of your disability. For example, if you were to have issues with eyesight, he would make note to focus on pleasuring your other senses such as whispering in your ear and playing around with warm oils or maybe even rubbing an ice cube down your body.

Kanato - He would have the most difficult time adapting to your disabilities but he eventually warms up to the idea of him having more control over you which makes you seem even more doll-like to him. He may be frustrated from time to time, but on his good days, he pampers you to the extreme as a reward for being such a good girl

Subaru - He literally couldn’t give two shits but the only downside is that he feels unworthy to take care of you since he feels as though he can barely take care of himself. During the first stages of your relationship, he definitely tried to convince you to leave him and date somebody who he thought was more capable of giving you the attention he thought you needed but as he becomes more attached, he finds it impossible to give you up to someone else as selfish as that sounds.

[cyanmnemosyne]

Yuletide Letter (2018)

Dear Yuletide Writer,

First of all, thank you for taking the time to write me a fic! These last few years I've been increasingly drawn to tiny fandoms, so I always look forward to this opportunity to share the love with other people who love them too. :D

I've tried to provide some commentary below for each of my requested fandoms, in case it's useful to you, but ultimately Optional Details Are Optional, and I'm sure I'll enjoy what you come up with regardless of if your heart takes you in a different direction. :)  

AO3 name: darkcyan

Requested fandoms:

Star Ocean: Till the End of Time

Suisei no Gargantia | Gargantia on the Verdurous Planet

Ghostverse - Alex Yuschik (Podcast)

Foundryside - Robert Jackson Bennett

[ hiding the rest under the cut, because I tend to write a lot XD ]

General Preferences:

I have no preferences regarding length, tense, or POV; feel free to do whatever seems right for the story.

Stories with emotional warmth are my jam: fluff, found family, battle couples. People learning to trust / coming to love each other, and people for whom their mutual love and/or trust is already their bedrock. I don't need the entire story to be lighthearted from start to finish, but the stories I love most are the ones where even if the characters have been through Some Shit in the course of the story, by the end they're in as good or better a place than when they started. 

If you feel like doing an AU, go for it! :D I like it best when the characters feel "true" to their canon personalities, as filtered and changed through the different lens of how the AU differs from canon. I do have a slight preference for AUs that provide opportunities for interesting worldbuilding (e.g. scifi AU) than the more-typical coffeeshop/college AU. 

In general, if you're the sort to enjoy doing a deep dive into worldbuilding (AU or canon), I'm happy to come along for that ride, too. :D  

Time travel fic is one of my guilty pleasures. XD I have no need for the exact mechanics to be explained; going down the canon-divergence-with-foreknowledge path is completely OK with me. :D

I love it when female characters are their awesome selves

This is not an exhaustive list, so if you don't see something in my DNW list, you're welcome to either send me an anon ask or just assume it's fine. :D

DNW:

Onscreen sex. Fade to black or references to it happening offscreen are fine if you feel it’s important to the story, but if we’ve gotten to the point where we’re talking about limb positions, my reaction is almost certain to be somewhere between bored and extremely uncomfortable.  

Even if it’s not explicit or onscreen, please no rape / noncon / dubcon. 

I’m not a huge fan of drug / addiction plots either

Relationships, romantic or otherwise, where there’s a significant power imbalance (especially if it’s abused) tend to really bother me. 

I also feel pretty strongly about free will and freedom to choose, so “I’m taking away your choices by hiding things from you / doing things behind your back For Your Own Good” narratives mostly just make me want to punch things, no matter how good the supposed justification is on the part of the person doing it. 

Cheating and other forms of deliberate, sustained dishonesty within a relationship. Poly relationships are completely fine :D all that I ask is that all people involved are as aware of who else is involved / what else is going on as they want to be. 

Gratuitous drama.  If a misunderstanding could be resolved by the characters just sitting down for five minutes and talking to each other, and the only reason they don’t is ~*~reasons~*~, then I start getting really annoyed, really quickly

Character bashing. Even the characters I personally dislike are the heroes of their own stories.  

If I wanted to hear about awful people being awful all the time and how awful everything is as a result, I’d go watch the news. (… Someday I would like this statement to be less true than it was the previous year, instead of more. ;___;) There can be awful people, they can do awful things, but I’d really prefer they not be either the majority or the focus of the story.

Fandoms:

Star Ocean: Till the End of Time

Requested character(s): Nel Zelpher, Clair Lasbard

Spoiler notes: I’ve played the game. (I'm also about halfway through the manga, but so far not super impressed by its characterization of Nel, so feel free to ignore it completely. :) )

Preferred pairings: Nel/Clair or gen

So, Nel was my official first ever video game crush. This was a bit difficult for me to explain to my young, theoretically-straight self at the time, but she was so cool that I didn’t bother to think about it too hard.

When we are introduced to Clair as her partner, and every single scene in which the two appear makes it clear how strong their bond is – it was a foregone conclusion that I would start to ship them as well. And Adray’s obnoxious insistence on trying to find a husband for Clair just made me even more determined to headcanon them as lovers (or at the very least secretly pining for each other) in addition to partners.

If you don’t ship them romantically, but just think they’re great platonic partners, I’m sure I’ll still enjoy it whatever you come up with. But in case there’s any doubt, I also very much ship them. :D <3

And whether they're romantically involved or not, I love their dynamic – these two strong-willed, intelligent, fiercely competent women, working towards a shared goal that they both believe is more important than themselves. I love how deep and unshakeable their trust is – and how even though it clearly tears Clair apart to send Nel out into a situation that they both know may not be survivable, she’ll do it anyway. And Nel will go.

I don’t have any specific prompts in mind – if you want to write about a mission Clair has to send Nel off on, and the tension between their fear for and their trust in each other (and the knowledge hanging over both of them that they’re doing something that they see as more important than them both), great! Want to just do fluffy interactions during a brief break from the action (do they get vacation? How many people do they have to bribe to get vacation at the same time?), or after the war is done and things are a bit more settled, go for it.

In the narrative path where Nel goes with the party into space, does she think of Clair and all the stories she’s going to tell once she gets back (if she gets back)?  What does Clair think, being left so much farther behind this time than any other time before?  What stories does Nel tell when they’re reunited?

Got an idea that’s burning in your mind and has nothing to do with any of these? I’m sure I’ll enjoy whatever you come up with. :)

Suisei no Gargantia | Gargantia on the Verdurous Planet

Requested character(s): Ridget, Bellows

Spoiler notes: I’ve watched the show, the OVAs, and the movie.

Preferred pairings: Ridget/Bellows or gen

I came to this show because I was in the mood for mecha anime, then stayed because I fell in love with the cinnamon roll main character, his slice of life struggles to find his place, and the interesting worldbuilding.

… And the badass-with-a-mile-wide-streak-of-imposter-syndrome Fleet Commander and her best friend (or more?), the irreverent excavation team head.

Ridget and Bellows don’t interact a whole lot over the course of the show, but every moment counts and it is clear even in those moments how deep their respect and appreciation for each other goes.

Talk to me about Ridget, who’s so afraid to mess everything up but determined to shoulder the responsibility anyway.

Talk to me about Bellows, who is one of the most effortlessly competent people on the ship and has a warm heart to match.

I’d love to see a story about the two of them and about how much they mean to each other, or a situation where one or both of them are supporting each other.  Anywhere in the timeline is fine with me. :D

(For the record: I ship these two characters, like, a lot.  But if you don’t, know that I’d still love to see a story about their entirely platonic friendship. <3)

The other characters are more than welcome to show up, too. :)

Ghostverse - Alex Yuschik (Podcast)

Requested character(s): Five, Hyeon

Spoiler notes: I've listened to the story

Preferred pairings: Five/Hyeon or gen

I stumbled across this story earlier this year, and my heart was immediately stolen by how elegantly it portrays a very interesting science fiction / fantastical world and the growing friendship of these two characters, through nothing more than a series of texts between the two.

So really, what I'd like from this prompt is more of the same. :) Do you want to explore this fascinating world, where giant mecha run by chronically sleep-deprived pilots are the only thing that stands between what's left of the world and destruction by the ravaging of (I would assume) equally giant ghosts? I'll happily read any of it.

Or dig deeper into these two characters: Hyeon, who feels so constricted by his lot in life, but still tries his best to live up to it (modulo some text complaints, because really, who wouldn't?). Five, who's driven to not only pilot a mecha, but to be one of the best; who has turned his inner grief and darkness into a sword that he uses to stand between the ghosts and others, that they not suffer as he has.

I'm most interested in what might happen after the story ends: now that Five and Hyeon have met face-to-face, what happens next? Does it change their relationship at all? What does Seven Sparrows Sleeping look like in the aftermath of that last attack, and does that affect Hyeon at all?

But honestly: whatever story you give me, I'm sure I'll love.

As usual, while I do ship these two characters, I'd also be happy to see a story where their relationship remains platonic.

And while it would be fun to see a story told solely through texts, in the mode of canon, please do not feel like that's a requirement - I'd be just as happy to see a story that uses a more standard prose format. :)

Foundryside - Robert Jackson Bennett

Requested character(s): Berenice Grimaldi

Spoiler notes: I've read the book

Preferred pairings: Berenice/Sancia if during/after the book; gen otherwise

I read this book recently, after hearing rave reviews, and while it took a while to get going for me, I ended up really enjoying it: both the characters introduced, and the world they inhabit. Alas, that last I heard book 2 doesn’t even have a release year yet. 😭

And perhaps my favorite was Berenice, Orso's quieter, blazingly competent counterpart. (And, in fact, one of the biggest contributors to my eventually liking Orso as well was the fact that he clearly understood and respected just how competent Berenice is; that their partnership was a partnership, as much as it initially looked like he was just peremtorily ordering her around.)

I'd love to see more stories about Berenice -- how did she start out? What was working with Orso like when they first started working together, and how many times did she have to put her foot down before he started listening to her and treating her as an equal?

What was she thinking and doing, in the parts of the book where she's not on-screen or not the POV character?

Or, if you feel like speculating -- what does she think of Orso's new merchant house (aside from "nice job rules-lawyering yourself out of getting brutally killed 👍"), and what is she doing to help make it a success? Is she taking on a teaching role with all the new scrivers he's brought in, or learning from them? Has she found any other people with talents like hers to train as well?

The bits and pieces of Berenice/Sancia we got during the book were quite cute -- I especially like the scene where Orso's trying to give her romantic advice and she's like "lol I'm way ahead of you" -- so if you'd like to explore more of their relationship, I'd love to see more of that as well! Is Sancia still touch-shy? How do they negotiate that? Alternately, now that she's gotten this ridiculous powerup with no real downsides (at least, none we've seen yet), how does that affect how she interacts with the world and with Berenice?

Given that their relationship seems to be pretty much canon at this point, if you include Sancia in the story I'd prefer that the story acknowledge that. But, is probably obvious from all the above commentary, if you'd rather <i>not</i> focus on their relationship, that's 100% fine with me, too -- the main thing I want is more of Berenice being her awesome self. :)

Note also that I find the magic system rather fascinating, and as a programmer myself am amused by how it "feels like" programming. So if you'd like to dig into the magic system and play around with it some more, I would absolutely be on board with that, too. :D

... And that's it!

I hope this letter has been of help, and am thoroughly looking forward to seeing what you come up with. :D

[wingsofwhales]

Romantic Comedies: Where’s the Beef?

My guiltiest of guilty pleasures: Romantic Comedies. Not that I’m guilty about my love for Romantic Comedies (though being male, society would probably like if I were guilty). Almost all big name Romantic Comedies prior to 2016 (or even earlier) typically followed a strict guideline in terms of how their stories progressed. Not only that, but they typically followed a strict guideline regarding their character’s gender, sexuality, and race. That shouldn’t be a problem for most individuals. I’m not most individuals, though.

I’m the big G word.

I’m gay. I’m not only gay, but I’m hella gay. I’m a hella gay boy who grew up watching hella heteronormative movies who made great sweeping claims about romance and love. Not only is there a lot to unpack in terms of how that idea of love portrayed in media emphasized toxic masculinity, but there’s plenty to unpack in terms of what the media portrayed on who can love: white, cis-gendered, straight couples. I am only one of those things (one and a half if you wanna be pretentious about my mixed heritage).

I’m not salty about it, though. I’m kind of salty. If I think really hard about it, I’m really salty, so I try not to think about it too hard. I am, however, not salty about Chris Evans in any of these movies because Romantic Comedies introduced me to what a man he is.

Love Behind the Big (Terministic) Screen:

“When I speak of “terministic screens,” I have particularly in mind some photographs I once saw. They were different photographs of the same objects, the difference being that they were made with different color filters,” Kenneth Burke describes his definition and idea behind terministic screens (Burke, 45). It’s a pretty simple analogy and one that works well with describing how we, as humans, view our world. In particular, it gives us a great lens with which we can view media because media is simply a number of filters one on top of the other, both literal and figurative.

Love is one such screen and is described in so many works and movies, but it mostly comes center stage in both movies about love (The Notebook and other Nicholas Sparks stuff) and Romantic Comedies (27 Dresses and a lot of Chris Evans movies). What all of these movies have in common and what’s prevalent in Romantic Comedies is the notion that love is between a man and a woman and if you dare see “a gay” in these movies, they’re typically the main lady’s best friend. Not touching on the fact that they’re typically stereotypes. Moreover, it’s that these movies not only label love as between men and women, but between white men and white women. I mean, name a Romantic Comedy with two black leads that isn’t a Tyler Perry production. Okay, you got me: Just Wright with Queen Latifah was amazing, but so are most of her movies. Regardless of that fact, there’s likely 5 Romantic Comedies that got more praise (they don’t typically get a lot of praise for their predictable and often unchanged format) for every Black Romantic Comedy out there.

Why is that?

It’s because society has labeled love as something that’s white, heteronormative, and cisgendered. And we’re born into that. We look at our movies and our shows and we see a white couple and immediately understand that that’s the American Dream. Any notion of something beyond that, or different to that is often considered ‘pandering’ to a small audience or adhering to a liberal, SJW agenda. Why can’t it just be the fact that there’s all kinds of love out there? And that not all of it is white, straight, and cis?

That’s Pretty Gay Tho

Kenneth Burke defines man as a symbol-using animal, “We must use terministic screens, since we can’t say anything without the use of terms; whatever terms we use, they necessarily constitute a corresponding kind of screen; and any such screen necessarily directs the attention of one field rather than another” (Burke, 50). In this effect, as humans we use language to define certain things and in a more complex realm, we twist language into media and media defines even more things. Language will always remain a tool for humans to define things in our lives, but our mediums are ever evolving and getting even more widespread. It’s why it can be both a boon and a disaster when we use media to define ideas that society has perpetuated and will continue to perpetuate until humans start defining things differently.

Being the big ol’ Gay has been on the negative end of this desire to provide a lens for certain kinds of perspectives. Homosexuality is defined as less than men, not even men, but also as a tool for the white woman to satisfy the needs her other female friends can’t and certainly not her love interest. But, furthermore, homosexuality has its spot in the media: tragedies. Because what is being gay if not either a walking neon sign or a big ass tragedy. There’s a reason a media trope has been named after us: Bury Your Gays.

Bury Your Gays, as defined by TV Tropes, “Often, especially in older works (to the extent that they are found in older works, of course), gay characters just aren’t allowed happy endings. Even if they do end up having some kind of relationship, at least one half of the couple... has to die at the end” (TV Tropes) And the quote it takes from The Guardian discussing A Single Man nails the trope right on, “Colin Firth simply drops dead for no reason. Presumably Overwhelmed by sheer homosexuality, his heart can no longer keep beating. Beware, non-heterosexuals: Sudden Gay Death Syndrome can strike anywhere” (Rawson).

To slam that nail right into the coffin, TV Tropes has an entire list and descriptions of how this happens in various forms of media from Anime and Manga of all things to Video Games. It happens everywhere and it’s frankly tiring. Why does my life have to be a tragedy? I’m not a tragedy. I don’t come from an abusive family. My mom and dad are conservative Republican assholes who I haven’t come out to, but they wouldn’t suddenly hate me and kick me out. My life is average. My life is full of love. And I don’t want to die. Why can’t movies show that to me? If life really does get better, then why isn’t media showing me that I, a Filipino Mid-Western Homo, can find love and the hilarity of life just as easily as the white straight man or woman?

It’s 2018 and society is just now deeming it okay to put funny gay love stories on the big screen.

Love Simon just released this Spring and it was the type of mediocre Rom-Com I was looking for. Well, it wasn’t mediocre, I actually loved it... but I can’t be asked about the quality of a film I’m so biased over. I can’t critique the film because I’m just too happy that I can see a part of myself in it. That I can laugh and laugh and not worry about sobbing sad-angry tears in the end because the main character or his/her/their love interest has just died of AIDS... again. Those stories need to be heard, yes, but not in such a way that we aren’t allowed to see other, happier versions of our stories.

And then we have the fact that not many of these Rom-Coms show diversity. It took 2018 to put a big Asian cast on the big screen (no, Scarlett Johansson is not in this movie).

There’s a lot to unpack and it’s hard not to be passionate and angry about it. It’s about time that these movies are seen and that they battle the terministic screens we grew up with, that our parents grew up with, and their parents before them. This idea of the American Dream isn’t just white anymore and it isn’t very realistic either. Where is the other half of my two-and-a-half kids? Why is a kid only half a kid? I know it’s some weird average based on statistics, but that’s just so weird to say.

But, regardless, terministic screens can be used to our advantage and they’re necessary in our every day lives. We need to set terms and we need to see them through specific lenses, but sometimes we need to see them through multiple lenses. You show Andy Warhol the same picture in different sets of colors and he’ll display all of them. So, why can’t we do the same thing? Why does there only have to be one set of terministic screens in which we are taught is the normal and everything outside of it is other, is tragic, or is not worth telling? Love isn’t just white. It isn’t just cisgendered. And it isn’t just straight. Love comes in many different shades and its about time that Rom-Coms realize that and show use the hilarity of a transgender protagonist without making their gender the butt of every joke. Or an overweight protagonist. Or a bisexual protagonist. Or an older woman as a protagonist cause old people can still fall in love and they’re still beautiful, thank you very much Hollywood. Of all things that we need to broaden the screens for, Love falls under that category.

Just stop killing the gays off please. Please. And please let Chris Evans play a gay protagonist... it’s the one thing I hope for before I die.

Works Cited Stuff

Burke, Kenneth. Language as Symbolic Action. Empire State College, State University of New York, 1973.

“Bury Your Gays.” TV Tropes, tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BuryYourGays.

Rawson, James. “Why Are Gay Characters at the Top of Hollywood's Kill List?” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 11 June 2013, www.theguardian.com/film/filmblog/2013/jun/11/gay-characters-hollywood-films.

[metalandmagi]

October Media Madness!

It’s the last day of the month, so you know what that means! What-no not Halloween! It’s time to see how one person wasted their time this month by keeping track of all the media they consumed! And if you thought October would mean a lot of horror movies and books and TV shows...you are going to be very disappointed because I’m a fucking wimp who hates horror.

September media

Movies!

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Scott Pilgrim, aka the most intentionally unlikable protagonist ever, has to defeat the seven evil ex-boy...uh I mean exes of the cool girl he’s dating. Yeah, I’m super late to the Edgar Wright party, but since this movie was finally available on Netflix I figured it was time. And it’s pretty good aside from the fact that Scott is the worst. But at least he owns up to it in the end. It’s crazy over the top ridiculous, has tons of little details that film theorists love to salivate over, and Scott’s roommate Wallace is hilarious. I just wish I could hear what Michael Cera says half the time. Oh well, there’s nothing good or bad I can say about this movie that hasn’t been said before. 8/10

Coraline: Coraline Jones, an imaginative young girl with inattentive parents who has just moved into a new apartment, discovers a secret door that leads to a world where everything is better, and everyone has buttons for eyes. However, under the perfect exterior, things are more sinister than they seem. I got the urge to re-watch this because it’s freaking October, and although I don’t watch horror movies, I felt obligated to watch something at least kind of Halloween-ish. And I stand by my long held opinion that this is the all time creepiest movie marketed for children ever made. Literally everything about this movie is creepy. There’s creepy music, creepy dolls being made and following people around, creepy cats, creepy people with buttons for eyes, creepy ghosts of children, creepy children with their mouths shown shut...the list is endless. And Laika never fails to make beautifully animated stop motion. 9/10

Sierra Burgess is a Loser: The latest film in Netflix’s attempt to dominate the rom-com genre, in which an unpopular high school girl ends up texting a handsome jock while leading him to believe he is texting a gorgeous cheerleader named Veronica who also goes to her school.

Okay, this isn’t a bad movie, so let me start with the good. I appreciate the message of how you need to make yourself stand out to colleges and how high school in general is becoming a toxic competitive environment. There’s a lot of good material about living up to expectations and stereotypes, both from Sierra’s side and her partner in crime Veronica’s. And speaking of Veronica, I was completely blindsided by how much of a great character she was and how much she grew throughout the film. I also liked Sierra’s best friend and the love interest, even if they were a little generic.

That being said...I didn’t like Sierra. When main characters intentionally lead people on for no good reason (and thinking some guy you’ve just met isn’t going to text you back because you’re not “conventionally attractive” is not a good reason) it annoys the hell out of me. Not only does she lie through texting him, but she and Veronica lie to his face multiple times. She also does something really horrible to Veronica because of a misunderstanding that could have been avoided if she taken five seconds to use some common sense. She also thinks she’s above doing a simple homework assignment for her poetry class because she wants to be different. I realize she needs to stand out in order to get recommendations for college, but come on. And finally, when she’s upset about how she looks, she blames her parents because her mom is attractive??? Yes it is frustrating to have these brilliant “conventionally attractive” parents, but they always try to build her up, as opposed to Veronica’s mother who only tears her down. I DID NOT HATE HER CHARACTER, but I think she could have been portrayed better. The other major thing that bothered me is that there is the complete lack of proper conflict resolution. All the problems and hurt feelings just magically go away in order to have a happy ending. Overall, the movie’s just okay. 7/10

Howl’s Moving Castle: Sophie, an ordinary girl who gets cursed by a witch, turns into an old woman and ends up working for a wizard who steals hearts. It feels like Studio Ghibli’s version of beauty and the beast, except Howl is the beauty with a questionable personality, and Sophie is the “beast” who whips him into shape...until the second half of the movie anyway. I’d prefer to watch an entire movie of old woman Sophie interacting with the other characters rather than deal with the war aspect of the plot. Anyway, the animation is awesome, and I appreciate the English voice cast...except for the fact that no one had the good sense to use Crispin Freeman as Howl instead of just having him as Turnip-Head! I know lots of people have talked about the differences between the book and the movie, but I like how the movie portrays that even though being old is physically painful, it can also be emotionally freeing. Either way I think Sophie is a great character with a fun sense of humor! 8/10

First Man: The story of Neil Armstrong and the years leading up to the moon landing...which apparently a lot of people didn’t like? Some people are butthurt about there not being a shot of planting the flag (which if they actually saw the movie they would know the focus of the scenes on the moon were to show Armstrong dealing with wonder and grief, NOT rallying together as Americans). Some people are unhappy that an American hero can be portrayed so negatively, and some people just thought it was boring and dragged a lot…

Okay, yes, the movie is a drama that does not portray Armstrong in a glowing light, and yes there are certain scenes that go on too long. BUT I really liked this movie...and this is coming from someone who doesn’t like Ryan Gosling. It is a family drama that captures how different people respond to grief and stress set in the backdrop of the space race. I also liked learning about this period in history and the controversy around the space program in general. It was beautifully shot and had very creative music choices, which was the main reason I saw it in theaters. I came away from it awed and terrified that we basically sent these people to the moon in freaking tin cans, and that in the sixties men shunned their emotions so much that they wouldn’t hug their children before going to space! Overall, it was good in a solid way, but it did drag a bit. 7.5/10

Mama Mia: Another protagonist named Sophie is getting married and invites the three men who could each possibly be her father to the wedding. But who cares about the plot, the main purpose of the film is to show women having fun with their friends! This movie...isn’t exactly good, but it 100% knows what it wants to be and accomplishes that. It’s a wacky, ridiculous, musical romp that people only watch with their friends when they’re plastered because they want to hear ABBA songs. It’s the very definition of a guilty pleasure movie, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I will say that it’s harder for me to relate to because I don’t have friends that I act this ridiculous with, and sometimes it gets to be a bit much. Although, I have seen the Broadway musical and remember absolutely loving every minute of it...so maybe it’s just the movie overplaying it. Oh well, it’s just something fun to have on in the background or watch when you need cheering up! It’s a 9/10 for being accomplishing what it wants and a 6/10 as an actual movie.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: In this Marvel filler episode between Infinity War and Captain Marvel, Scott is under house arrest and Hope tries to get her mother out of the quantum realm. Okay, this was a fun movie with some great moments, but it definitely had its issues. For a movie called Ant-Man and the Wasp, the two did not do much fighting together...or at all until the end. It felt more like an origin to their partnership than a team up movie (and I’d rather have a Wasp and Black Widow team up movie...or all the Marvel women team up movie). It also couldn’t figure out who the villain should be. It’s like they realized half way through writing it that Ghost was way too sympathetic and cool and had to come up with a bunch of more forgettable villains. And because this was more of a hot potato rather than a heist, I didn’t think it was as fun as the first movie overall. HOWEVER I still really enjoyed the inventive action and the characters. I will always watch 2 hours of Evangeline Lilly kicking ass, and Paul Rudd being himself. And I am convinced that Marvel is using The Adventure Zone route of needing competent women to solve everyone’s problems. But the heart of the movie is really family. Hank and Hope, Scott and his daughter, and even Ghost all had very compelling stories that drew me in every time. And that post credits scene...I knew it was coming, but come on! Marvel is the only current studio who can basically do a horror movie “The End…?” in their credits now. 7.5/10

The Chronicles of Narnia-The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe: The Disney version of the classic C.S. Lewis book; come on we all know the story. Okay, I watched this for the first time in several years because I also read the book this month. And holy cow, when you see what material the movie had to work with, this is a freaking masterpiece. It takes a very simple children’s book and turns it into an epic fantasy! The score, the little details, and the setting are all perfect. All the characters are so real and fleshed out AND ACCURATELY PORTRAYED FOR THEIR AGES! All four siblings are struggling with something, and the actors do a great job considering they were actual children while making this! I am so angry that Disney let this property’s potential slip through their fingers because I truly believe that if they kept making movies like this, it could have been their Harry Potter by now. Prince Caspian was also excellent, though I don’t remember much of Dawn Treader, but I think if they put the money and effort into continuing this franchise it could have been great.

One thing I don’t appreciate about the movie is how they reduce Edmund’s mental journey. I have always especially loved Edmund as a character, and something the movie fails to mention is the fact that APPARENTLY in the book the Turkish Delight is enchanted to make whoever eats it think only of eating more and more until THEY EAT SO MUCH THAT THEY DIE?! He’s not just a greedy kid. And there’s a lot more to his time with the Witch that makes his actions easier to understand. Anyway it definitely goes down as one of the best book to movie adaptations I’ve ever seen, and it is on my very short list of movies that are better than the books. 10/10

Books!

The Chronicles of Narnia- The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis: It’s the first Narnia book; we all know the plot. I am one of the many people who had this series read to them as a kid, but it’s been like...eleven years since I actually read these books for myself. Even then I only got to The Horse and His Boy before stopping because it was boring as hell. I’ve been wanting to re-read the series all year, and with only the Disney movies in recent memory, imagine my surprise when I found out that Lewis’s writing style is absolutely bananas! I think he’s acting as some omniscient narrator, but his style is so stream of consciousness it’s hilarious! He constantly addresses the audience in these 2007 fanfiction author-esque asides. The Pevensies are the most posh, old-timey sounding British kids ever, and it’s amazing to visualize children that actually speak like this. Everything happens so quickly because it is 100% meant to be a children’s story, not this epic adventure we all associate with the movies. So...if you’ve never read it before definitely check it out just to discover how utterly wild everything is. My only real complaint is that it’s kinda sexist, and no one except for Edmund gets a character arc. Even though Susan gets a bow and Lucy gets a dagger, they’re treated like they shouldn’t be fighting because they’re girls and not...oh I don’t know...because they’re children! 7/10

The Ladies Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzie Lee: The second installment of...idk...the “Guide” series? I talked about the first book, The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue in my May Media Madness, and this book is just as good! This series takes place in the 1700s, and while the first book follows arrogant bisexual disaster Monty, his (boy)friend Percy, and his sister Felicity through a romp across Europe, this book follows Felicity and her friends on a...let’s just say “scientific expedition” involving pirates. The less you know about the plot going in the better. And did I mention her friends include a badass Muslim pirate princess and an Elle Woods-esque dog loving naturalist? And also did I mention Felicity is CANONICALLY revealed as ARO/ACE?! It’s strongly hinted at in the first book, and in this book Mackenzi Lee basically shoves any doubt about it out the window. It’s fun, hilarious, and also heartbreaking at the same because of all the challenges each character faces because they’re ambitious women in this time period. Sometimes it feels a little heavy handed in its feminist messages, but you can’t deny it’s not accurate. I’m really only saying that because I am a woman, and the struggles are nothing I haven’t seen or read before.  Anyway, this is a fantastic series that I highly recommend to anyone looking for a fun read, and it gets bonus points for including Monty and Percy being disgustingly in love together! 1000/10

Dear Evan Hansen the Novel by Val Emmich (and also Steven Levenson, Benj Pasek, and Justin Paul):

Buckle up.

I really love the Dear Evan Hansen musical (which I talked about in my August Media Madness.) The novel is almost a word for word adaptation of the musical, in which Evan, a teenager with anxiety, writes a letter to himself that is stolen by a boy who commits suicide, leading everyone to believe Evan and the boy, Connor, were best friends because they assume Connor wrote the letter to Evan. There is a lot I could say about this adaptation, but the number one thing is: I really don’t know if people who haven’t seen the musical or heard the soundtrack will like it as much. The strength of Dear Evan Hansen is mainly in its performances and its music, and while they tried to work the music in as best they could, I enjoyed the story more because I can link it back to the actors’ performances. Yes, the story is interesting and the message is important, but I honestly don’t know how much people going in blind will like the writing and how the characters are portrayed. Overall, it seemed like a well written fanfic- in a good way, not a Harry Potter and the Cursed Child way. That being said, I did really enjoy a lot of things about this book. They expanded on a lot about Evan’s relationship with his absent father and the aftermath of the big lie. They also expanded on a lot about Connor…

I honestly don’t know how I feel about Ghost Connor. Yes, I’m glad Connor shows up as a ghost in the book. What he doesn’t do is ACTUALLY INTERACT WITH EVAN...LIKE AT ALL! The best parts of the show are when Connor, as a figment of Evan’s imagination acts as a comedic buffer and his “moral center.” However, here ghost Connor exists to give snippets of Connor’s life. He barely comments on what Evan is doing at all even though he sees everything. All of Connor’s sections made me feel like the author was going through the DEH tag on AO3 and picking things to throw in. I liked his sections, but the writers really missed the more entertaining story of having Connor actually commenting about the shit Evan is doing.

So overall, I’d say watch the musical if you can find a bootleg, or at least listen to the soundtrack and then read the book. It was very enjoyable, although I think the ending dragged a bit in its quest to give more closure than the musical. 8.5/10

Bonus Manga

Shimanami Tasogare: Tasuku Kaname, a closeted boy starting his first year of high school meets a mysterious woman named Anonymous who helps him finds solace in a lounge run by other members of the LGBT+ community. This is the kind of manga that really hits and misses for me. It does a great job at portraying the struggles of a community with different sexualities and gender identities, and it has some really great characters and beautiful moments that I really think would be even better animated. But there are some character arcs that I feel are really...incomplete. It feels like the author was rushed into finishing the manga and did the best they could, but certain characters come off as major hypocrites or suddenly act like their arcs never happened. I also appreciate having an asexual character play such a big role, but the chapter where she talks about her identity as a person is just kind of...bizarre. Not to mention I barely understood what was happening for the first couple chapters because everything Anonymous says is so vague. There’s a lot I could say about this manga, but really I think it’s something everyone should read for themselves (and you’ll definitely need your tissue boxes). 8/10

TV Shows!

Arrested Development: “The story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together.” Aka Ron Howard narrates the shenanigans of the worst people you’ll ever see. Yes, I finally got around to watching this, and yes the first three seasons are hilarious. It’s got the same beats as a soap opera (twins, adoption, losing limbs in seal attacks), but in a sitcom format it’s genius. The fourth and fifth (or at least what there is of the fifth) are just nothing special in my opinion. I thought the fourth season was structured terribly, and once the family starts getting into politics the show tries to be a form of satire that just doesn’t work for it. Plus I live with a family of Trump supporters; so it’s not as funny when you have to live with the racist people the show is making fun of who take all the “wall” stuff seriously. 8/10

Documental: A Japanese...social experiment/documentary/game show type thing on Amazon Prime wherein 10 comedians all get locked in a room together and attempt to make each other laugh without laughing themselves. The twist is each of them contribute 1 million yen to play, and the winner gets the pot of 10 million yen. In the first season, the show is more interesting as a social experiment than it is funny. You’ll like it if you like Japanese comedy. But the thing about Japanese comedy is...well, just picture an episode of Osomatsu-san, with all the disgusting and bizarre shit they do, and then picture real people. Though I do love seeing the faces everyone makes when they’re trying not to laugh! HOWEVER, the second season is so much better. I was laughing so much every episode that it hardly felt like the same show. They also changed the format a little so there would definitely be a winner at the end of the time. There’s still gross weird shit, but it’s a much better season. I give season 1 a 6/10 and season 2 an 8.5/10

Over the Garden Wall: In case you’ve been skipping the entire season of autumn since 2014, OTGW is a 10 episode miniseries that aired on Cartoon Network detailing the journey of two brothers Wirt and Greg who are lost in a mysterious wood called “The Unknown.” But really the whole thing is like a stuck in Purgatory story. It’s one of those shows that goes from adorable and funny to dark as fuck real quick. I think it’s impossible to go through the fall season without watching this at least once. This is another one of those things where there’s nothing I can say about it that hasn’t already been said. The atmosphere is perfect for Halloween, the characters are great (Elijah Wood voices Wirt, and it’s the best), and there are so many hidden clues that after it aired we all demanded a Gravity Falls crossover…

I could go on. This show is perfect except for the unnecessarily silly school teacher episode...and fact that it goes by too fast...and also the fact that now I know Elijah Wood has an adorable singing voice, and I’m salty that he didn’t really sing in Lord of the Rings. This is the atmospheric “watch it once a year” type of show that we desperately need more of...it doesn’t have to be the same characters or even have the same messages, but dang it Cartoon Network you can’t just give us this masterpiece and walk away!!! 10/10

Yuri On Ice: Yes, the figure skating anime. This is Tumblr so I doubt I need to post the summary of the show, but I do talk about it in my Hufflepuff Anime recommendations post. Since I couldn’t watch the Yuri On Ice marathon (which was coincidentally held on my birthday!) I decided to have my own dang marathon. There’s just so much to love about this anime: the music, the animation, the characters, the diversity, the humor, and the accuracy to the sport. But I think the main reason I love this show so much is because, as someone who watches a lot of sports anime, I really appreciate this show doing something different and focusing on ADULTS WHO ACTUALLY RELY ON THE SPORT AS A CAREER and using drama that way instead of the main source of angst being “we have to win the match for our senpai!” This is one of those shows you can watch a million times and still find new things to love! 10/10

Podcasts!

I don’t know why I made a separate section for this, since I only listened to one.

Hey Riddle Riddle: A podcast with three hosts that go talk about riddles and puzzles (aka puzzies and riddies) and role play various ridiculous answers to them. I started listening to it because Justin McElroy was on an episode, and it was pretty funny. The podcast is interesting and entertaining, except for the fact that sometimes their role playing and improve can go on for too long, and they don’t know when to let a joke die. Also one of the co-hosts is really annoying, but the other two make up for it. 8/10

Honorable Mentions

Camp Camp released a Halloween episode called Arrival of the Torso Takers and I watched it...probably four times...I don’t have a problem.

Some shows I watch on actual television came back this fall! Bob’s Burgers, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Fresh Off the Boat, Speechless, Modern Family (yes I still watch that), and The Good Place!

I don’t know if this was a leak or what, but there’s a new My Little Pony christmas Hearthswarming special, and guys...I thought it was pretty great. Say what you want about this show, but it knows how to do holiday episodes. Anyone who has been a fan for a long time or even fans who have fallen off the show will probably love it. It’s very sweet and never went in the direction I thought it would.

And last but not least, shout out to all the anime coming out this fall...there’s just...so much to watch...please help...

[mini-min-yoongi]

November AO3 Yoonmin readings:

Hey guys! Here I bring you this past month’s readings. Even though they are mainly yoonmin, this month there are a couple of OT7 fics of which I hadn’t read much until now. There is also some namjin, vhope and taekook as side pairings in some of them. I hope everyone can find something that peaks their interest so… enjoy! :)

1) Boyfriend Tag

“Normally I post dance routines and the occasional tag or challenge video and I know I haven’t posted in a while so I am here to make it up to you all. Yoongi lost a bet sooooo we are here with the highly requested, boyfriend tag!!” Jimin yelled making Yoongi wince and lean away from him. “Are you ready?” Jimin asked bringing his attention to Yoongi. “You better not get a thing wrong,” He warned pointing a finger at Yoongi.

Jimin is a youtuber and he gets his boyfriend Yoongi to film a video for his channel.

2) I’m your guilty pleasure (You can’t get out. Never) (contains smut)

Yoongi has just discovered his neighbor that he thinks is too damn loud is actually an internet camboy.

Chaos ensues when they start seeing each other. Things get hard–literally.

3) Crazy is most definitely genetic (work in progress; Pairings: Namjoon/Seokjin, Yoongi/Jimin, Hoseok/Taehyung, + Baby Kookie)

Family!au where Jimin’s just trying to survive high school, Taehyung keeps weirding everyone out, Namjoon is an embarrassing dad, Jin is supermom, and Jungkookie’s just along for the ride.

Very cute and funny!

4) Trolling ARMY (OT7, brotp, no pairings, BTS universe)

“The boys play a game where they compete to see who can get the most "shippy” comments of the week.“ Yoongi watched from an armchair on the other side of the room, trying not to chuckle. Ever since he’d learned the term shipping, he’d watched his brothers with a different eye. None of them were gay–though Namjoon had once drunkenly pontificated at length about his distaste for labels–or interested in one another. But they were all a little…handsy.

5) TRB in NYC (OT7, brotp, no pairings, BTS universe)

"What happened?” Namjoon asked, his voice tight. They had been skirting around him all day. As if he didn’t know. He found it darkly funny. His English was better than all of them combined, even their manager. He’d read the tweets, the posts, the threats. He’d tried to keep the other members from it as much as he could, but everyone had an inkling things had escalated past normal fan stuff.

“We’ve had a credible threat.”

Based on the threats that they received when they performed at New York. BTS hurting and comforting each other.

6) 7 minutes in heaven (*)

“It’s a fusion game. The person who spins the bottle gets to ask the person it landed on truth or dare, and if that person doesn’t want to answer or do the dare then they either take a shot or take off an article of clothing,” Jin says like he’s proud of improvising such a fantastic game.

“I’m not playing that,” Yoongi says. “Hyung, don’t be a party pooper, are you scared we’ll learn your secrets?” Hoseok asks and Namjoon ah’s dramatically. Yoongi shakes his head and puts his tongue in his cheek before he smiles at their antics, pushing Namjoon over closer to Jin so that he can sit down. “Please, hyung, it sounds like fun!” Jungkook says. “It’s my birthday.” 

I’m a simple girl. I love seeing a devoted and whipped Yoongi for Jimin even before they start dating. I love an innocent and kind Jimin crushing on his firend’s older brother who is kinda a bad boy and very cool. And I love BTS getting together, spitting embarrassing secrets and playing spin the bottle. This fic has all these elements and that’s why it’s one of my favorite readings of the month.

7) #mindreading Series

It’s my first time reading a fic in which someone has a gift because I’m more into stories that aren’t too fictional, but apart from Yoongi being able to read people’s minds, it doesn’t have any other “supernatural” elements so I decided to give it a try and I really enjoyed it. It was super cute reading about Jimin’s thoughts about Yoongi and I liked how the author developed their relationship and Jimin’s reaction towards Yoongi’s gift.

7.1) #mindreading #ad

Yoongi can read minds and Jimin is instagram famous.

7.2) Steady Hum (contains smut)

The one where Yoongi can read minds and Jimin is instagram famous PART 2.

8) Error: Words Not Found (*)

Soulmate AU where your soulmate’s first words to you will appear as a tattoo on your wrist at birth.

•×××××××××ו

In a world where most people’s lives revolved around finding their soulmates, Yoongi was different, not because he didn’t care-he cared a lot, he wanted someone to be The One for him too-but because he was convinced he didn’t have one.

It had been twenty-two years and still his wrist remained blank and unblemished.

As you may know by now I’M A SUCKER FOR SOULMATE AUS. So... yeah. I read another one and LOVED IT. I live for this kind of angst and I’d love to give a more thorough review but I don’t want to spoil it so go read it because it’s sadly just two chapters but full of good shit.

9)  You don’t have to say I love you (to say I love you)

yoongi’s so painfully and obviously in love with jimin, it sort of hurts the other members sometimes.

BTS universe.

10) Gotta Be Fate (If We’re Under the Covers) (contains smut) (*)

Jimin is excited to just sleep for a day and maybe catch up on some tv shows at the hotel.

That is, until they get to the new hotel they’re staying at, and he gets handed a room key that’s the same as Yoongi’s. Meaning, he and Yoongi will share a room and worse, he and Yoongi will have to share a bed.

“Why do I have to share with Yoongi-hyung?” Jimin complains. He’s managed to avoid it this whole trip which is really in his best interest if he wants to keep his raging heart boner for him hidden.

AKA my response to Yoonmin sharing a bed, 8 years too late.

BTS universe. I liked this whole idea. Just... just go read it *blushes and hides*

11) The Songbird and the Sea (*)

(pirate au, contains smut, Yoongi/Jimin + Jungkook/Taehyung, Namjoon/Seokjin)

In a world where dominance of the sea is an endless battle between pirates and mariners, Park Jimin is content living in his little village on a small, uninteresting island by the eastern mainland. He wants nothing to do with the bloodshed of good and evil, the heartless killing of both innocents and condemned, the constant establishment and disruption of order. What he wants is peace, to live his life in the same town he was born in, to spend his days in the beautiful forest, and to use the powers of his Blessed Rune to nurture the home he loves so dearly.

But when his island is attacked by pirates, Jimin will have no other choice than to do as they command and leave all thoughts of peace behind in favor of boarding the Agust, a pirate ship captained by the infamous Min Yoongi, Black Fox of the East.

GO READ THIS MASTERPIECE OH MY GOD. I’ve never been interested in fiction heavy aus like pirates, superheroes, etc. but I’d heard such great things about this story, the author is lovely and this is the Yoonmin fic with the most kudos on AO3, so I decided to give it a try and BEST DECISION I’VE MADE THIS MONTH. It’s made me feel so many emotions. I’ve cried, laughed, screamed, blushed and became a mess. The author also gives music recommendations to listen to while reading the chapters and it gives the story that extra something (I actually created playlists for each chapter and I like them so much that I listen to them even when I’m going somewhere lol). Seriously, I’m obsessed with this story, the characters are freaking fantastic, the development is everything and what’s best is that this story is far from over. She’s planning on turning it into a series and I cannot wait to see how the story develops. Also, the author has a schedule so there’s a new chapter every week which is something that I appreciate a lot, especially when starting to read a work in progress (it’s almost finished, next week she’ll upload the epilogue and it’ll be complete). GO READ IT AND COME SCREAM AND CRY ABOUT IT WITH ME.

12) 흰 여름 (’White Summer’) (*)

“Diversity,” Namjoon had said when he had explained the concept to them, “Learning to love yourself, no matter what.” “We already did that,” Yoongi had pointed out, “Literally the same title.” But Namjoon, when he looked at him, had seemed strangely bright and somber at the same time. “Not like this,” he had said.

Or, Jimin and Yoongi have to kiss for an MV. And deal with the fallout.

BTS universe. F**k, this is good! I don’t know what to say but that as you may know I really like fics that are kinda canon compliant and this one is SO GOOD. The group is working on a new album and it’s kinda like love myself but riskier in the sense that it is a controversial topic in south korea. I just love it when people also write about the korean music industry (even if it may not be 100% accurate, but let’s be honest, only the people working in it knows what’s up really) because I find it so interesting and not many people talk about it in depth. Of course, I can’t finish without saying that I really enjoyed the development of Jimin and Yoongi’s relationship, how Yoongi wasn’t aware of Jimin’s sexual orientation. A good fic right here!

Special mention:

~Too Much to Admit (Taehyung centric, OT7 Relationship)

The first time it happens, Taehyung doesn’t say anything because he doesn’t know how.

To start, I would like to say that this fic deals with a very serious and triggering topic for some so if you are not in a good mental place or you could be triggered by it please do not read it. This fic doesn’t have any pairings and it’s a BTS universe fic. It’s complete and I really enjoyed the different ways in which each member deals with what’s happening. In my opinion, the author did an excellent job at portraying each character and the way in which they would behave in such a difficult situation. I’m especially really liking her take on Jungkook because you can clearly see that he’s the youngest one, his confusion and anger clearly shows how much he cares about the well-being of all his hyungs. I don’t know, it’s such a heavy fic, but I really liked it.

(*) My favourite ones.

[rootbeergoddess]

From Business to Love

Okay, I will admit this is not my best title.

@errrbodylovesfinn who is my bro and is just amazing, comissioned me to write a fan fic in which Finn and Rey start out as business rivals who end up falling in love. Now, it’s time to post it for @finnreyfridays!

Rey had to keep reminding herself to smile. Smile and look friendly. Don’t be intimidating. That was one of the most important things about business meetings. Always try to appear friendly but make sure they don’t walk all over you.

   Rey had a small issue when it came to conducting business. She was a fantastic businesswoman, there was no doubt about that. The issue was that she didn’t take crap from anyone. Again, that wasn’t a bad thing, but the issue arose with how she dealt with it. Rey was confrontational. She got into people’s faces. Maybe it was because, for years, people had talked down to her or walked all over her. These days, she refused to be a doormat. Granted, she could probably figure out a, better way to confront people but she hadn’t found it yet.

But dealing with Storm Enterprises was completely different. Her mentor, Luke, told her that she needed to seal this, deal. Finn, the young CEO of Storm Enterprises, was brilliant. Finn had taken a small, independent company and had turned it into a money-making machine. His investments always landed, and he was even a humanitarian. He was always in the paper for donating large sums of money, or there was some fundraiser for the Troop House, a foster home for orphaned children.

He seemed nice enough, but Rey still didn’t want to work with someone else. But Luke said she had to. Storm Enterprises had the tools she needed. If she wanted her prototype to get off the ground, then she needed Finn.

Rey stepped off the elevator. She reached into her purse and took out her pocket mirror. Looking at herself, she admitted she looked good. Pretty yet intimidating. That was exactly how she wanted to meet Finn.

“Hello,” Rey approached the secretary. “I’m here to meet with Finn.”

“Oh right! Just a second,” The secretary pressed a button. “Rey of Jakku Robotics is here to see you.”

“Send her in.”

A buzzing was heard as the door opened up. Rey walked forward. In her mind, she kept telling herself to portray fearlessness.  Once she entered, Rey took in Finn’s office. It wasn’t massive like many offices she had been in, but it was still big. Everything was sleek and modern. It was well lit, another thing that set it apart from other offices. On the walls were various pictures, most of them featuring Finn. There were some newspaper clippings, a picture of him with his vice president Poe and a very nice picture of him posing with a custom car of his.

“Can I get you anything to drink?”

Rey glanced over at the desk. There he was in all his glory. As much as she hated to admit it, Finn was handsome. In all the pictures she had seen, he was immaculately tailored with a brilliant smile. Today was no different; he was wearing a charcoal suit that fit him perfectly. For a brief moment, Rey wondered what he looked like underneath the suit.

“A glass of water with lemon please,” Rey sat down. “Thank you.”

“Rose,” Finn pushed a button on his intercom. “A glass of water with lemon for Miss Rey, please. It’s a pleasure to have you here Miss Rey.”

“I’m sure,” Rey leaned back. “So Finn, tell me about this proposal of yours. As you know, I have other offers to consider.”

That was a lie, but Finn didn’t need to know that. It was always a good idea to make sure potential business partner squirm just a bit. Being too eager was a downfall in the world of business. So Finn explained his ideas concerning Rey’s prototype. Originally, Rey wanted to be stubborn. As time went by, she found herself agreeing with a lot of what Finn said. Again, she didn’t appear overly eager but she nodded here and there. Half the time, she kept getting lost in Finn’s dark eyes. It was hard to focus on business when he was just so damn, handsome.

“Well,” Rey said after about an hour. “You’ve given me a lot to think about. I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”

“Maybe over lunch?” Finn suggested.

Rey looked at Finn. She wanted to dislike him, she really did. This man was trying to use her company for personal gain or at least trying to make himself look good. But those eyes were her downfall.

“I’ll have my people call your people.” She replied.

Rey had been told it was important not to mix business and pleasure. It was the oldest rule in the book. Dating someone in the same profession as you was a taboo. It was a shame Rey didn’t really listen to what people said because she was slowly falling for her rival. It was so cliche too. Two rival business partners start working on a project, and before they know it, they’re madly in love. It was like a Lifetime romantic comedy. As cheesy as it was, Rey was enjoying herself. The two of them hadn’t said anything about the spark between them, but she knew Finn felt it too.

It had started with a lunch date. Then, once they had started working, Finn would place his hand on Rey’s back. And Rey? She let his hand stay there. Soon, Rey would come up behind Finn and lean against his back, looking over his shoulder. Finn never told her to move. Before long, Finn was wrapped his arm around Rey’s waist while they oversaw production. Finn’s employees saw them openly but never said anything. Rey didn’t care. She wanted people to see. It was like she was bragging. Look at me, I’ve bagged a good one!

Their second ‘date’ was a fundraiser. Every year, the Skywalker Company would hold an auction. All the proceeds went to charity. Finn had asked Rey to be his date, and of course, she agreed. Usually, she just went as Luke’s protege. Part of her was slightly nervous at how Luke would view their relationship, but another part of her didn’t care. This was exciting for her.

The night of the auction came. Rey had chosen a blue, strapless, mermaid gown. She had to admit, she felt like a princess. When she arrived at the ballroom, Finn was waiting for her. As always, he looked dashing. Finn was a person who wasn’t afraid to wear colors. He had gone for a tailored, purple top and black pants. It was different, but he looked fantastic.

“You look stunning tonight.” Finn had told her.

“You’re not so bad yourself.”

“Rey, you’re here!” Luke came over. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Luke, you know my date,” Rey said, a hint of pride in her voice. “Finn, this is my mentor, Luke Skywalker.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Skywalker,” Finn shook Luke’s hand. “I’ve heard nothing but good things about you.”

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” Luke grinned. “Rey has spoken highly of you.”

“Really? I find that hard to believe. Miss Rey isn’t one to pass out compliments,” Finn said. “I’m going to get us some punch. Excuse me.”

Rey watched Finn leave. Her eyes lingered on his rear for just a second.

“This has to be a first,” Luke said. “You have an actual date.”

“Don’t act so surprised,” Rey shrugged. “I found someone worth my time.”

“Worth your time? Rey, I may be old, but I am not stupid,” Luke chuckled. “You’re smitten.”

“I don’t get smitten,” Rey said. “I just found someone worthy of my time, that’s all.”

“I see the way you look at him,” Luke said. “You’re not just pleased with yourself, you’re happy that he’s yours.”

Rey wanted to say something. She wanted to have some witty retort to give Luke, but for the life of her, she couldn’t think of anything. Luke was right. She hated it when he was right. The worst part was that Luke knew he was right too. Rey had no arguments. Yes, she liked Finn more than she cared to admit. His company was enjoyable. There was no one else like him and no one else Rey could stomach. Finn came back with the punch and Rey started drinking it, hoping Luke would leave.

He didn’t of course.

“So Finn, tell me about yourself,” Luke said.

“There isn’t much to tell. I’m a simple man with simple tastes.”

“I have a hard time believing you’re simple. I can tell you’re a snazzy dresser.” Luke eyed Finn’s outfit.

“I’m just not afraid of color.”

Rey knew Luke was enjoying this way too much. She let him has his fun until she got bored and decided she wanted to look at the items up for auction. So once she finished her punch, she grabbed Finn without saying goodbye to her asshole mentor and led him off. Finn seemed fine with a chance of scenery. He placed his hand on Rey’s waist, pulling her close. Rey felt herself smile.

   “Rey, see anything you like?” Finn asked.    Rey looked at the items up for auction. There were the usual gowns, some nice jewelry, gift cards, the regular fare. Rey found herself getting bored until she saw something. It was a Barbie doll. A very pretty one too. It was a collector’s item apparently. Finn noticed Rey looking at the doll and smiled.

   “Do you like it? I’ll get it for you?” Finn asked.

   “No,” Rey said. “I don’t need it.”

   “But you want it. It’s for a good cause,” Finn wrote his name down and his bid. “Let me treat you. You know I collect Matchbox cars.”

   “Really?”

   “Yes. When I was little, I grew up in an orphanage,” Finn said. “One of the nuns at the orphanage saw I liked cars and would always use some of her paycheck to get me a little Matchbox car. I still collect them to this day.”

   Rey had known Finn had no family of his own, but she didn’t know about the orphanage. He spoke about it so clearly as if it wasn’t a big deal. He really trusted her and part of that hurt. Rey hadn’t told him anything about herself. Finn had never pushed it. At that moment, she was feeling guilty. Finn took her hand, but Rey pulled him back.

   “I never had a doll when I was little,” Rey said. “That’s why it caught my eye. It would just be nice to have one.”

   It was stupid, or at least Rey thought it was, but Finn smiled.

   “Then all the more reason for me to win it.”

   At the end of the night, Rey was the proud owner of a Barbie doll.

   Rey didn’t want to admit it, but she was indeed smitten with Finn. Of course, Luke would gloat when Rey finally admitted he was right and she would have to live with that forever. Still, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Life with Finn was better than life without him.

   Rey wasn’t a person who opened up to many people. People thought she was a snob because she wasn’t bright and bubbly. It wasn’t that Rey was rude, she was just cautious about who she let in. People will promise you one thing, and then before you know it, they’ve stabbed you in the back. From an early age, Rey learned that it was, best to keep people at a distance. Being on your own meant you couldn’t get hurt. The downside of this idea was that you were lonely. Rey had accepted that she would be alone for the rest of life. Life, as usual, enjoyed throwing her a curveball.

   Finn wasn’t a person who pushed or invaded privacy. In fact, he respected Rey’s boundaries straight away. If she wouldn’t answer a question, Finn gave up right away. It was shocking at first. Most men would have pressured Rey into answering, but Finn dropped the subject of whatever it was once Rey showed she was not willing to indulge certain information. He was patient, opting to let Rey come to him when she was ready to open up.

   One day, as Rey was just waking up, she reached out to wrap an arm around Finn’s waist to find him missing. She opened up her eyes, a bit confused but her fears were put to rest when Finn came out of the bathroom, tablet in hand. She sat up, wrapping the sheets around her naked body as Finn sat next to her.

   “Morning,” He said, looking up from the tablet. “Sorry, I had to talk to Poe, and I didn’t want to wake you up.”

   “Is everything okay?”

   “I’m not sure,” Finn admitted. “See we’re supposed to be in talks with First Order Enterprises, but something isn’t adding up.”

   “What do you mean?”

   “Poe’s been looking at their numbers, and there is money missing,” Finn explained. “He’s done some research as well, and many ex-employees don’t have many nice things to say about FO.”

   Rey had never worked with First Order Enterprises, and there was a reason for that. Kylo Ren, the CEO of FO, was not a man Rey wanted to associate with. There something off about him. Rey thought it was just her but many of her associates told her the same thing. Despite being a wealthy man from a wealthy family, Ren acted as if he was oppressed. He also was often talking about how the world was changing and needed to be reborn. While he was good with business, he was terrible with people and the Vice President of the company, VP Hux, usually had to step in to avoid disaster.

“Do you want some help?” Rey asked.

“Yes,” Finn answered immediately. “I would love help from the most gorgeous woman I know.”

Finn was definitely a keeper.

   Finn and Poe had been right.

   FO had been embezzling money. Massive amounts of money had been taken out of the accounts and spread around to various people. Due to this, employees were being underpaid and losing benefits. Of course, with this information, Finn went straight to the police. Once he did, an investigation was launched, and things got even more interesting. When the police investigated further, they found that Kylo Ren had the support of some infamous people from drug dealers to crooked politicians. Once the news hit, things exploded into chaos.

   First, Hux threatened to sue Finn, but Rey had stepped in, warning Hux that if he wasn’t careful, he’d be exposed next. Hux was not as bright as he appeared to be and once he tried to send his dogs after Finn, Rey let the news know that Hux had been the center of five harassment claims. Many people working for the company gladly stepped forward to collaborate these stories, and Finn offered every one of them a place at his company. In a matter of weeks, First Order Enterprises had lost everything.

   Looking back at it, Rey was thankful she had always avoided Kylo when given the chance. Her gut had been right. There was something off about the man. He was cruel, greedy and selfish. Not like her Finn of course. Finn was the kindest soul in the world. All the ex-First Order employees could have suffered without their jobs, and Finn offered every single one of them a job, giving them full benefits. He didn’t have to do that. He could have let those people suffer. But Finn was too kind-hearted to do that.

   After a long day, Rey was watching the news. Kylo was in court again, looking disheveled and pathetic. Rey couldn’t help but smile as she took a sip of her wine. Served him right.

   “Whatcha watching?” Finn asked as he sat down next to Rey.

   “The news,” Rey replied, leaning against him.

   “I see,” Finn kissed her head. “Watching the fall of the mighty?”    “He was never mighty,” Rey replied. “I’m bored of this, let’s watch something else.”

   “Like what my love?” Finn asked, kissing her again.

   “Anything.”

   Finn found an episode of the Great British Bake-Off. Rey snuggled against Finn. After a bit, she said she was hungry, and Finn suggested they order some pho. Rey agreed, and Finn went to place the order. As he got up, Rey watched him. Yes, she had to officially admit that she loved Finn. He was perfect. There was no way she could fight her feelings anymore. Finn came back, looking at her.

   “What’s with the smile?” He asked.

   “I just realized that I love you,” Rey replied, her smile growing.

   “You just now realized that you love me? Ouch.”

   “No, I mean---I knew that I had feelings for you, but I kept arguing with myself,” Rey set her wine glass down and got up. “You know me. I struggle with opening up. I’m closed off emotionally. So I wanted to love you, but I was afraid to.”

   “Because I’m so terrifying?” Finn waggled his eyebrows.

   Rey laughed.

   “Yes, you’re utterly terrifying with your smarts, your kindness, your  good looks.” Rey joked.

   “And you know what makes me extremely terrifying? My dreaded kiss attack!”

   Rey’s laughter began again as Finn started kissing her all over. He growled like an animal and picked her up in his strong arms. Rey smiled as she was carried over to the couch, her hands on his neck. Once Finn laid her down, she pulled him down closer to her lips so she could kiss his lips.

   “I love you,” Rey said.

   “Really? You do? Well, I have good news for you then,” Finn grinned. “I love you too.”    “Honestly, are you ever serious?” Rey sighed.

   “Nope. I can be serious when I’m dead,” Finn replied, placing his head between her breasts. “And I’m pretty sure I’m not dead, so it’s not time to be serious.”

“Maybe I should take back my declaration of love,” Rey mused.

“Too late!” Finn said. “You said, and you can’t take it back.”

“Oh well, guess I’m stuck with you.” Rey smiled.

“Yep.”

[vitabenedetta-blog]

Vita Benedetta

Hey everyone! My name is Kassidy Steyer (everyone knows me by Kas) and I have a passion for capturing the perfect picture of epic eats. You can catch me running between spin class, grabbing a matcha latte, shopping at Whole Foods, or strolling through the farmers market with my mom.

I am studying marketing and communications at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse. I will be graduating with my bachelor’s degree in May 2019. College has taught me the importance of balance, positive thoughts, self-care, exercise, and fueling my body. My goal is to be transparent by showing both sides of wellness. While I love me some avocado toast and going for a hike, letting loose on thirsty Thursday and devouring burgers and fries (every once in a while) with friends is part of that balance. 

I want to show you all the grub goodness that can be found in unfamiliar places from Madison, WI and beyond. Thank you so much for visiting Vita Benedetta. I look forward to sharing with you! 

You are probably wondering, “What does Vita Benedetta mean?” From Italian, translated to English, Vita Benedetta stands for blessed life. I come from an awesomely large Italian family—my mom has seven brothers and they all grew up in a two-bedroom house downtown Madison, WI. Growing up with 8 dads has been pretty rad to say the least, and for that I am blessed. As you will see, and I will reiterate, this theme is present throughout all aspects of my life. 

Inspiration 

My inspiration for this blog primarily came from my experiences in college. College, the best four years of your life: supposedly. For me college has been a challenge. A challenge to find balance. Balance between social norm expectations and what I wanted for myself. Balance between mindless fun and exhaustion. Balance between fitting in and standing out. Finding myself was a challenge. 

La Crosse—a city with more taverns per capita than any other U.S city of its size. A city where if a friend states he/she is going to the library, you can assume that person is referring to the bar. Many weekends went like this. I would watch the lights flicker off as a sign of bar close, take the “drunk bus” home at 2:30 a.m., and crawl into bed after eating a triple order of Topperstix. Mornings I would wake to the scent of a Howie’s deep fried burger and fries creeping through my window, faced with a full night of hung-over studying, notorious as the Sunday Scaries. Purely exhausted. 

Undeniably my self-esteem began to dwindle. College presented me with millions of others girls: prettier than me, taller than me, with a whiter smile than me, and much less flab where a girl doesn’t want flab. These girls portrayed their lives as if they were out of a Legally Blonde movie, attending frat parties on the weekends, and posing in pictures eating Big Macs, yet still somehow maintaining flawless figures. 

Deciding to focus on my education and health, I stood out. Contrary to what many people believe this came with consequences. In our binge drinking obsessed culture, deciding not to engage alienated me. I lost the majority of my friends, only later to notice that these relationships were solely characterized by weekends and drinking, and had no substance or depth. The hard part: finding new friends as a junior in college. Friend groups were already tightly formed. Without parties or bars to make friends, this left class, the library, and the gym, all places where college students want to get in and get out as fast as they can.   

Thanks to social media, I found a community where I belonged, where I could engage and contribute. Wonderful humans such as @shutthekaleup and @thetruespoon have shown me what it feels like to: get a good night sleep, eat whole real food (none of that toxic processed ish), and spend time with people who support me. These women portray real lives of self-care, exercise, health, balance, and emphasize fueling your body. I follow their lives for inspiration on: recipes, skin care, athleisure companies, and mainly inspiration to lead my own life—disinterested in comparing myself to others. I finally found the importance behind talking about wellness, and I gained hella confidence along the way. 

Present Over Perfect 

As I began my wellness journey I stumbled across the issue of perfectionism. Did I use the correct Valencia filter for that picture? Did the editor app take away the coffee stains on my teeth? Should I spend a couple more days trying to come up with a more creative Instagram caption? To be completely honest, sometimes I would take so long to capture the most epically epic picture of my food that my meal would be cold to a crisp by the time I ate it (whoops). Yeah I know what you are thinking, this girl is crazy! It was hard to put down my phone. 

It is OKAY not take yourself so seriously. Live in the moment. Put down your phone and go for a hike. Have a meaningful conversation with someone you love. Your phone will still be there. Three things have significantly helped me become more present and aware in my life. 

Morning and Bedtime Social Media Detox 

How many of you are guilty of the a.m. mindless social media scroll? What about scrolling until your eyes can barely take it anymore before hitting the hay? This was my worst habit. When the first and last things you are seeing everyday are other people and perfection, it is hard not to compare and get caught up in everything other than yourself. Instead, try getting up and doing something else for the first part of your day. Go for a walk, read a book, make a smoothie, DO YOU. At bedtime think about your day and what went well. Positive thoughts go a long way to becoming more present. 

Setting Intentions 

How many of you say you are going to do something and days later completely forget about it? Like on January 1st when you got a gym membership and never went back. You are not alone. Writing down intentions is important! This way you can hold yourself accountable. Intentions can be what you read in the morning or at night instead of scrolling on social media. You are able to go back to see whether or not you are achieving them and what you would like to change/adjust. I will leave my intentions below to get you all thinking.

♥ Take each day one at a time 

♥ Spend fifteen minutes a day without Internet connection 

♥ Do your best everyday. Kick a** & do not give up 

♥ Eat mindfully. Nourish your body 

♥ Reflect on the three best parts of each day 

♥ Give back 

♥ Spend more time with family members 

♥ Love fearlessly 

Self-Care 

Because we all need a little me time to be selfish. Taking time for you can seem like a guilty pleasure, but it shouldn’t. As a college student juggling classwork, student organizations, two jobs, and a long-distance relationship, while still squeezing in time to work out, sleep, eat healthy, and umm have a life is tiring to say the least. It is important to honor your body. Know when enough is enough. Know when to call it for the night, even if it means saying no to margs with your girlfriends. For me, this means choosing to walk to the farmers market on a Saturday morning instead of going out to darty. It means being in bed by 10 p.m. on weeknights to make it to my early a.m. spin class. Balance looks different to everyone; however, when the going gets tough (and it will) here are a couple of things that make me feel superbly selfish: 

☆ Cocokind Chlorophyll Face Mask 

☆ Honest Hazel Collagen Eye Gels 

☆ Reishi Mushroom Elixir (supports sleep and stress) 

☆ Watching re-runs of “The Hills” 

☆ Turning on an oil diffusor with essential oils 

☆ Putting in a coconut oil bun 

☆ Going to a spin class (get in the zone to Kayne West/Odesza) 

☆ Yoga to get your zen on 

☆ Going on a hike alone or with a friend 

Finale 

You will look silly, it will take time, but you will feel better. Finding balance throughout all aspects of my life has been my challenge. I am starting to realize that every day is a new opportunity to better myself. I cannot stress enough how much better I feel now that I have started to take care of myself. I sleep better, I have more energy, and I am more positive. Positive thoughts are powerful. Your mind is powerful. Begin. Start. Take on one small change at a time. I look forward to interacting with each and every one of you who decide to embrace wellness! 

Thank you for visiting and you will be hearing from me soon ♥ Make sure to follow my other social media handles: 

Instagram: @vitabenedetta 

Facebook: @ViBenedetta 

Twitter: @ViBenedetta