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aangarchy · 11 months ago

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Netflix atla live action review ep 7-8

Home stretch baby. I figured since i love the source material i should just be able to enjoy it, or at least be entertained by it somewhat. But even that was just not possible. I pirated it after the first three episodes just bc i didn't want to give netflix the satisfaction of a view.

It's not so much the acting, the costumes or even the bad/mediocre cgi, it's the writing. It's an absolute shitshow, a mess of the highest caliber. For someone who claims to love the source material, it really seems like Albert Kim didn't understand why a lot of the things in the original worked the way they did. Things that are important for character growth got removed, and lore that we normally don't see til later on in the show (or even in a completely different story within this universe!!) got crammed in. For no good reason too bc it doesn't really add anything, just gives us another obstacle or useless exposition that's supposed to explain another useless thing they added.

Both of the last episodes take place in the north pole. This makes sense somewhat because in the original all three of the last episodes took place there. The reason they did this in the original is to have room for all of the stories that still need to take place (pakku, zuko, spirit world, koh, waterbending training, sokka and yue etc.) However in this version, even though minutes wise we have more time, we have less story. Like way less. Also episode 7 proportionally is much shorter than 8 and it really gives issues with pacing.

Let's start with what annoyed me most. Where is the waterbending training? Where is it? The season's title is Water and Aang bent ZERO water this entire season unless he was in the avatar state. Katara "trains" yes, but it's mostly practicing moves she found on the scroll (which gran gran just gave to her? Why didn't this woman give it to her sooner???). She gets NO guidance from anyone, and the way she gets better at bending each time is because a BOY told her encouraging things. A BOY. In the OG we get Pakku saying "raw talent alone is not enough", which makes sense because bending in this universe is an extension of martial arts, and you have to train to become good at martial arts. This LA show however treated bending like a magic power, basically giving some mumbo jumbo about balance and a clear head and think of the people you love to become a better bender. And while yes, your mental headspace also is important (as highlighted in the original where zuko couldn't bend anymore bc he had no aggression left) it wasn't the only factor, it wasn't even the main factor.

When we arrive at the North Pole, Pakku and the chief of the North both expect Aang to help with battle strategy in order to stop the attack bc they're already aware it's coming. Aang tells them he doesn't really know how (wtf were they even expecting it mean that is a whole 12yr old) and they turn away going "guess we can't count on the avatar" like? Dude?? If they have such good intel that they already know the fire nation is preparing an attack, and that the Avatar is alive, how tf did you not hear that the Avatar is also 12 years old and far from a master of the four elements? Idk this weirded me out.

They removed the deserter episode, which means Aang doesn't renounce firebending, which means we get no storyline of Aang dealing with his conflicted feelings surrounding firebending because fire gives life, not just destruction. Katara also doesn't find out she can heal naturally. We just get told that healing is just a thing all waterbenders can do if they train for it. Katara's necklace has no significance at all in the story currently. Yugoda doesn't recognize that Katara is Kanna's granddaughter. Katara's gran gran being from the north originally doesn't play part in the story at all. Katara doesn't even once utter the words "this necklace used to be my mother's". Idk why that bothers me so much but it does. They also removed her rage at not being allowed to fight. Sure this show's Katara also goes to fight Pakku, but literally everytime she speaks she just sounds reasonable. She fights him not because she's So Enraged at not being allowed to become the master she's meant to be, but because the script demands it. She says it so matter of factly too. She's like a mellowed out shell of who Katara is supposed to be. I feel like this overall for her character in this show btw. I don't blame Kiawentiio bc i saw clips of her performance in other works (anne with an e notably) and she's good. This genuinely just seems like poor writing and directing. They removed all of Katara's passion. She's not warm, she's not feisty, she's not angry, she's not nurturing, she's also not flawed at all. I hate to say it but in this version she's giving Mary Sue, especially bc she just learns waterbending on her own, and then gets called a master out of nowhere. That's not how that's supposed to work. You're supposed to earn the term master.

Let's talk about Yue. Amber Midthunder is a great actress, but damn, that wig. Their budget was over 100 million dollars and yet they couldn't give my girl a lace front? Her wig was so structured and stiff, and if it were any other context like cosplay or a drag show this would have been perfect. Now it just looked really unnatural and instead of the hair being platinum it was gray. Yue's character got given more to do here. They changed the story to have her break her own engagement, but it's implied that the reason she did this is bc she met Sokka in the spirit world and... fell in love? Idk it was a bit weird. Both Suki and Yue were inexplicably entranced with Sokka. In the OG it's implied that Yue likes Sokka bc he's so different from the boys in the north, kind of like a city girl falling in love with a country boy. But here it feels different, he doesn't stand out at all compared to the other boys, and Hahn isn't a dickhead like the OG. I will say i like that Yue is a stronger character here. She takes charge of her own destiny and she is the one to realize that she can save the moon spirit, and wasn't told by someone else that she could do it. I am confused by them making her a waterbender, but i'm not mad at that change per se. I liked her sacrifice scene, her own acting was great. Sokka however... i genuinely burst out laughing, like so loud. The zoom in on his face, the expression, it was too much and too little at once. Overall, Yue's story was okay. Was it better than the original? Debatable. But it wasn't bad and that's a win.

We get Avatar Kuruk way earlier than we originally got him. I'm still kind of confused about the whole "you can talk to past Avatars but only in their shrine with their statue" thing, because if that's the case how in the hell is Aang ever gonna ask advice from Roku (or Kyoshi, since the writers clearly have a bias towards her and want to make her the main Avatar guide ig) without having to travel all the way to the shrine? Can they only talk in the one specific shrine or can we take a miniature set of Avatar action figures with us just in case we ever need advice? Also this lore abt the shrines and statues is flawed at best bc later on Kuruk shows up for Aang during the fight, while they're not present at the shrine. Either way, Kuruk was far from the go with the flow Avatar he was characterized as in the original. I know that we got some insight into Kuruk's story in the Kyoshi novels, and turns out it's a lot darker than expected, but Kuruk never let that change his character. He always remained chill, or at least kept up the facade, and i don't think OG Kuruk would be the type of man that is angry about how his life turned out. In this version, Kuruk is this scared, mean, bitter man who is really unsatisfied with his destiny, which he lashed out at Aang for. He seemed really angry at Aang to for no good reason. We're also not supposed to know this part about Kuruk's life yet. It's too much information and de waste time learning about his life story, the only reason we learn it in the first place is to explain the Special Spirit Killing Knife. Also the actor for Kuruk.... yikes bro. Idk which hallmark movie they pulled him from but he and his stupid polar bear hat looked like ass the whole time.

So there's this weird part about Kuruk having a Special Knife that is able to kill spirits. Idk if this is a thing from the Kyoshi novels that also made it into this show bc truth be told i haven't made it far into those novels yet at all, but it was strange to me. Somehow Zhao has this knife. We don't know how he ended up getting it (did the fire sage give it to him? I didn't see it but i might have missed it) and we pretend that this is the Only Thing that can kill spirits even when the spirits are mortal. Doesn't that negate the fact that the spirits are mortal, if they can only be killed by a Special Knife? Also there's this weird convoluted part about how the spirits actually live in the spirit world and only cross to the physical world once every ice moon to know what it feels like to be "mortal" and choose a different "mortal" form each time and this time they happened to be fish. But still, they can Only Be Killed By The Special Knife. Huh? What's the purpose of this added extra lore? I saw someone say the underlying point is that it shouldn't be this easy to kill spirits but.... that's the whole idea behind the Ocean and Moon spirits having permanent mortal forms? Them being mortal and choosing a form as insignificant as a fish, constantly circling each other to represent the precarious balance between Ocean and Moon, a balance that can be thrown off very easily. The whole point was that they're fragile so why add all this extra exposition for no reason? Why make the spirits harder to kill if in the end you're still just gonna have a guy stabbing a wet bag and not some rough spirit killing battle?

Zhao also just gets told by the fire sage that killing the moon is a thing he can do. I don't like what this changes about Zhao's character. Zhao is supposed to be this cunning man. He's scary, determined, strategically inclined, but alas overconfident and willing to go too far which ends up being his downfall. His ambition is what led him to do his own research by visiting a spirit library to find any weakness he could potentially exploit, and that's precisely what he found. In the original, Zhao always fought for his own career. His own accomplishments got him the tools to try and beat Zuko in the Avatar race. But in this version, Zhao just keeps getting handed things. He's a slippery snake that plays friends with Zuko and then tries to steal the glory from under his nose. He gets handed the archers, he gets handed the information on the moon spirit, he gets handed a war balloon (which completely ruins the surprise of the fire nation suddenly having air power at the invasion), and he gets helped by Azula of all people. It makes him look a bit chumpy in this story, and it really worsens his villain qualities.

On a completely other note, this LA seems to have a thing for making adults yell at a 12yr old Avatar for leaving the world behind, and it doesn't make any sense, because in this story Aang left on Appa for a joyride to clear his head. Aang didn't purposely leave. He had every intention of returning after an hour. Yet every adult in this show, even the past Avatars that know damn well Aang didn't flee from his responsibilities, yells at him bc he accidentally got encased in ice. And somehow this Aang gets made to feel worse about it than OG Aang even though he deserves it way less bc this Aang didn't actually run away! I don't like what this changes about Aang's character. In the OG, Aang has one fatal character flaw and that's avoiding responsibility. He runs away, and has problems with taking accountability for what his actions cost the world. He goofs around, plays games and likes to have fun to avoid having to face his destiny, all while carrying the guilt and blame for the century war. It's a huge part of Aang's character journey. The guilt he feels isn't misplaced bc Aang knows he ran off, and he knows that the world is in its current state because of his decision. In the end he takes responsibility by showing up to the fight with Ozai alone. In this LA, even though by all means Aang shouldn't feel responsible, he ends up taking responsibility right away. He goes to Kyoshi Island, not to goof around and ride giant koi, but because he knows he can talk to Kyoshi there. Kyoshi yells at him for leaving (again, why? She knows he didn't run away) and gives him a vision about the watertribe getting destroyed. Instead of panicking about it (like OG Aang did after finding out abt the comet) he just accepts that he needs to go and help. And while this Aang does get to have fun moments (i especially loved how in the first episode he sees playing watertribe children and immediately joins them, that was quintessential Aang), he just seems very down and serious a lot of the time. He's scared of people getting hurt and is very worried abt the safety of his friends to the point where he agrees with Pakku and tells Katara she shouldn't fight. It's not Aang at all bc OG Aang was rooting for Katara when she fought Pakku. To sum it up: i think the casting for Aang was perfect. A cute southeast asian skater kid that loves to have fun and genuinely just looked the part? Brilliant! I am genuinely not upset at Gordon's performance at all (although sometimes i wish he'd enunciate a bit better). But the writing messed up the character so much that i couldn't even feel the joy for having the perfect looking Aang. I will say Koifish Godzilla (Koizilla if you will) looked dope. What did confuse me abt the Koizilla scenes is that sometimes there was no music (which is a choice i often like bc it gives the scene extra gravitas) and then sometimes there was a majestic score playing in the back, like they couldn't choose how they were gonna execute it and just picked both. I know that's nitpicky but it bothered me nonetheless.

Speaking of Koizilla. Wtf was that thing they added about Aang "succumbing" to the ocean spirit and being "lost"? They didn't even explain it at all, but both Yue and Iroh talked about how Aang would be lost forever now. We don't get a why, we don't get a how. And "lost" is such a vague word for it too. Like would his spirit be lost and only his body remain? Would he be completely swallowed up by the ocean? Would he remain Koizilla, forever rampaging at the ice wall? They added this for extra tension i guess, but it doesn't really work when only minutes later Aang is able to return no problem bc Katara talked him out of it, so we don't even get to find out what "he'll be lost forever" means. Also: the scene with Katara talking Aang out of it was cute, but the execution was weird. Originally Katara gives this speech when Aang goes Avatar state at the southern airtemple. I like that they still kept Katara's speech to Aang bc it highlights their bond which is especially important for later on in the show, but I don't like how now Katara had to give this really heartfelt emotional speech to Aang in front of everyone else at the northern watertribe. It's supposed to be quite an intimate moment between her, Sokka and Aang as a new family, they're supposed to promise they won't let anyone harm him, which eventually calms him down. Here though Katara's just yelling these words at him in front of everyone and all the intimacy is gone. It also doesn't work as well bc we barely got any time of the gaang bonding. They spend episode 3-6 apart most of the time, so really they shouldn't feel this bond towards each other just yet. Because this LA removed a lot of the side adventures, we don't get the feeling that these kids have known each other for months.

Another thing they removed is Appa and Momo as characters. In the original they each get their own moments, we even got one whole episode with Appa as the main character (which won an award btw). Here though, Appa is solely used as a transportation animal and Momo... honestly i don't even remember what he does but i think it's mostly a small comedic bit? Also he hands the acorn to one of the characters. This is a bad change bc in these episodes Momo gets hurt so bad he nearly dies, and it has no emotional impact at all bc he's just an accessory in this story. I felt no emotional attachment to Momo and he just has no personality. I wonder how this choice is gonna play out when we get the kidnapped Appa story bc so far it's not looking good.

Anyway, for positives. I warmed up on Dallas's performance a lot, i wasn't that mad at Ian Ousley's performance and there were moments where he genuinely made me laugh. The cgi for the creatures was decent, but for the backgrounds it looked horrible. I liked that they showed how devastating the Seige of the North ended up being, with the unnamed kid and Hahn both dying. I liked the effect showing those two had on our main characters. I liked when Aang, Sokka and Katara all worked together taking out that one firenation ship. I liked the way they showed Sokka and Yue bonding. I really warmed up to the costumes as well, i still wish they dirtied it up a little to make them look less new.

There's probably some more positives but they're really minor compared to the negatives and also my brain is just done atp. I'm never gonna rewatch it for more analysis either bc i don't think i'll survive it lol. I might make another post abt my opinion on the show as a whole? Like an overall summary? Bc this shit is VERY long and i do apologize. If you made it this far, uhm. Thanks for caring abt my opinion so much that you sat down for like 10 minutes to read my angry yapping? I appreciate it.

Anyway bye

#avatar the last airbender #atla #avatar #natla #netflix live action #netflix atla #atla netflix #netflix #atla la #atla live action #natla review

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punsmaster69 · 1 year ago

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11/FEB/20XX

got to practice my healing magic some more today as frisk continually papercut themselves during the construction of a heart garland.

"starting to wonder if that paper's red from paint or your 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 at this point, kiddo."

"I'm not bleeding 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 much."

frisk re-did a section they messed up from being cut, extra careful not to get sliced in the same way twice.

"so..."

"you just make these garland thingies for every holiday now, huh?"

turning to look at me, expression completely unchanged -

"Yes."

they answered confidently.

"..all right then."

they put glue around the edges of a paper heart and dipped it in glitter; repeating this process until they had however many shiny hearts they deemed 'enough'.

by this point, i'd already come to accept the glitter that was going to be everywhere forever.

that stuff doesn't come out of carpet well.

however, apparently me staring at the glitter going everywhere gave frisk a terrible idea.

"Hey, Sans. Look at me for a second."

i did.

i shouldn't have.

with a handful of glitter, frisk blew as hard as they could to coat my face in a glittery pink.

". . . ."

they couldn't stop laughing.

i took what i could off, eventually sure i had to have gotten most of it.

there was a knock at the door.

"Hello, Sans."

"I am here to pick Frisk up."

"Waitwaitwait, I'm almost done! Give me like five more minutes?"

"...Alright, five minutes it is."

"Me and Sans will be outside chatting in the meantime."

"Got it."

frisk sped up their paper-snipping.

"don't cut yourself again in the five minutes i'm not with you, ok?"

"I haven't cut myself THAT many times!"

"...."

".....Okay. I'll be more careful."

me and tori stepped just outside the door. the weather was just cool enough to still be pleasant.

she looked at me and started to say something before pausing.

"..Your eyesockets are looking quite glittery today!"

"."

"it's."

"it's still there??"

"If you mean-"

"the glitter."

"..Yes, it is."

"goddamn it."

"It is not a terrible look."

"thought i got all the glitter out. thought wrong, apparently."

"How did this happen, anyway?"

frisk would definitely get in trouble if i told toriel they blew glitter in my face.

i rejected that avenue of petty revenge.

"fell asleep without realizing i went face-first into the stuff."

"I see."

"If you are really so determined to remove it immediately, perhaps we could try some tape."

"worth a shot."

frisk looked confused when we re-entered the house.

"It hasn't been five minutes yet. It's been like... three and a half."

"I'm extending your time a bit."

"SICK! For how long?"

"..However long it takes to remove glitter from this skeleton's face."

"Oh."

tori poked around the room for some tape.

confused as to why they weren't being scolded, frisk gave me a questioning look.

"(didn't tell her.)"

"(Why?)"

"('s not a big deal, so why bother?)"

"(..Because you didn't want to bother.)"

"(yup.)"

"(Should've expected a lazy reason for it.)"

"If not here, where might you keep your tape?"

"oh, i think i had it in my room."

"..What for??"

i remembered taping things to a certain card.

"probably broke something. who knows."

"Alright then, I suppose."

"Is it alright if I go in your room?"

"yeah i- uhhhhh."

"actually, hold on."

opening and closing my door behind me, i looked around my room. no way in hell was i deep-cleaning the place, but kicking loose clothes under my bed and straightening the sheets a little was a start.

and by start i mean

"good enough."

then i opened the drawer that valentine's junk and the tape dispenser were sharing space in.

"ok, you can come in."

i kicked the drawer shut. tori entered and closed the door behind her. she looked around and inspected the bed for a moment.

"It is much nicer with a frame, is it not?"

"pretty cozy, i guess. still breaking that habit of flopping onto the floor though."

"Is that what that is for?"

pointing to a light i'd attached to the bottom of my bed.

"to remind me my bed's raised."

"Smart solution."

"May I?"

glancing at my bed.

"go ahead, but fair warning that my sheets'll probably make you smell of funky skeleton odor."

sitting down on the edge of my bed, she laughed.

"I do not mind 'skeleton odor'. Whatever it is that entails."

i sat down next to her.

"so, uh."

"you turnin' me into a tape mummy for this?"

motioning for me to turn around, toriel guided my head to her lap.

"...what's-"

tape was suddenly pressed into my left eye socket.

"....."

"no warning, huh?"

"Sorry. I figured you had understood where this was going."

"well i... certainly understand 𝘯𝘰𝘸."

the experience of having tape put 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 my sockets wasn't any less bizarre and slightly jarring than the experience having tape pulled 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 my sockets, but i think i'm pretty much glitter-free. at least she was more gentle from then on.

when we exited my room, i noticed frisk suddenly had headphones on. i tossed the ball of glitter-coated tape at their head to catch their attention. it bounced onto the carpet. they looked up and took off their headphones.

"Oh, you done making out?"

"Frisk! I was not 'making out' with Sans."

"she was helping me undo 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 mess, y'know."

"I thought you said you fell asleep in the glitter?"

"......"

frisk's face begged me not to tell. once again, i set aside the easy revenge.

"yeah, i did. anyway, you better take 'em home before they sparkle up the place any more."

frisk swept their paper and glitter mess into their bag and hopped up from the floor.

"Did you finish your creation, my child?"

proudly unraveling a glittery paper-heart string.

"Yup."

"It is very pretty! We can hang it up when we get home."

they swung up the front door and darted across the lawn to hop into tori's car.

toriel stopped for a moment, pausing to lock her eyes with mine. with a quick glance backwards to see where frisk was, she bent down a little to raise my hand to her lips.

"returnin' the favor?"

"It is only fair."

she gave a hopeful smile.

"You will visit me on the fourteenth, will you not?"

"..yeah. 'course i will."

#undertale #journal #sans #frisk #sans and frisk #frisk and sans #toriel #toriel x sans #sans x toriel #soriel #sorry my schedule is atrocious lately y'all #valentines

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smolvenger · 9 months ago

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The Boat in the Water: A Beauty and the Beast Story (Loki x Stella Ransome, An MCU/The Essex Serpent Crossover Multi-Part) Chapter Four

Summary: Having lost her health and her husband's fidelity and love, Stella has nothing more to lose than her life. Then...she is swept away to another realm, to an enchanted castle. A castle whose master is a god...a god with a striking resemblance to her husband.

Chapter Word Count: 5K

Chapter Warnings: Pregnancy, childbirth, loss of a child, cheating (I play the Will/Cora affair in a negative light, and if that doesn't sound like your cup of tea, this isn't the fic for you), a bit of violence. If I miss something, please alert me so I can add onto it. A cliffhanger bc I choose violence. Some thirst, but no actual smut

Chapter Word Count: 7K (get water and snacks)

A/N: If someone knows or has immediate access or recalls if the Essex Serpent canonically mentions how the two children of Stella and Will died and I got it wrong, please let me know. I just had to guess. Thank you!

A03//My Ko-Fi//My Etsy Shop//Masterlist//Wattpad

Taglist: @anukulee @asgards-princess-of-mischief @jennyggggrrr @five-miles-over @fictive-sl0th @ladycamillewrites @villainousshakespeare @holdmytesseract @eleniblue @twhxhck @lokisgoodgirl @lovelysizzlingbluebird @raqnarokr @holymultiplefandomsbatman @michelleleewise @wolfsmom1 @cheekyscamp @mochie85 @fandxmslxt69 @skittslackoffilter @mischief2sarawr @jijilaufeyson

They continued to sit on the floor. The fire crackled and Stella found her sandwich was delicious. It was a relief. Some of the dinners could get particularly heavy and would make her stomach hurt if she was not careful. Especially since with the consumption healing, her appetite was returning. This one had the right balance of bread and tomato. Not mushy and with the right crunch of the texture.

Loki looked relaxed. His dark curls had fallen down, they looked as soft as the feathers of a bird’s wings. Or an angel. He tore off the crust and ate it delicately bit by bit. He looked most handsome when he was at peace.

“All of this is hidden with your magic?” she asked him.

“It is the reverse. It is only certain magical elements that reveal it. I managed to control it. It took some practice, but I can open and close the Jotun form. And you think it not frightening? These beings that have done horrible things.”

“Humans have done horrible things too,” she said.

He hated he was right. Hated she was right about everything she said. It made him silently angry. And yet silently awed. He just wanted more. To hear her speak. To know how she came up with this, and what made her conclude this.

“What other kind of spells can you do?” she asked.

He raised an eyebrow. She set down her sandwich, her eyes dipping down. The nice sky blue ballgown she had on. The skirt was wide enough to balloon around her as they were sitting down.

“Let me see��”

She began to count on her fingers.

“You can make duplicates, control shadows, change your form...”

Loki wiped off the crumbs from his leathers.

“I can travel across worlds. Create illusions. Bend things to my will. I can read the memories of people, on special occasions,” he listed.

“Memories?” she repeated.

“Yes.”

“Have you already read mine?” she asked nervously.

“Oh, no- I only watched in my various forms what was happening. It was how I knew about the boat.”

She felt her face burn, but not from the fire. What was it- shame, perhaps?

“I know you must…must pity me. Think me a weak, silly woman,” she added.

“Yet something happened that woman was left to think that was the only action she could take…” he replied.

She looked up. Her plate was already left empty. She didn’t know how she could express it all. Say a word of what occurred in Aldwinter. There were so many words she wanted to say, but she didn’t know how to say it in the right way. Or in a way that her weaknesses would get a better hold of her and cloud her judgment. Or say something unfairly ill of someone. But a memory- that would be a better, more unbiased way. To have him see everything that happened.

“What is it like? I am only curious… and I feel…you would…would understand everything more in-depth than me telling you,” she prodded.

She thought she saw his lips curl up just slightly.

“Oh, you would like me to read your memories, little star?” he asked.

“Yes, yes I would, please. I won’t mind it. But will it hurt?” she asked.

“No, not at all. All I need do is touch your forehead,” he instructed.

“Alright. You may read my memories Loki.” she permitted.

He set down his place. He nudged closer to her.

“Just one? Or any of them?” he asked.

“Whatever you can find. It won’t bother me.”

“And what if… I see you and your Lusty Vicar in a moment that was…intimate, shall we say?” he teased, a little laugh in his voice.

“Then please don’t dwell on it and move on!” she insisted. Her face was a little red.

He laughed.

“Oh, how I love watching you squirm! Alright…let me try…”

With his long fingers, as lightly as if she were the most valuable porcelain in the palace, he touched her forehead.

Taking a deep inhale, he began to search through. He found not just one memory, but a lot of them.

He saw Stella was a young woman. A rosebud amongst the clergypeople at church one Sunday morning. He felt her heart racing as she noticed the handsome young curate with curly hair and hints of a beard, and could feel the warmth in her cheeks whenever for a split second their eyes met. She would return down demurely. But when they went back up, he was still staring at her. As if she was the only one in the cold, grey church.

Then another. He bent his head as he stepped into the house. In his vest rather than his black and white. He had a bunch of flowers in his hand, which he offered to her. It was his second visit. And he brought flowers then too. All throughout tea, he still had that gaze at her.Like she that he was a predator and she was prey. She would blush and pretend she didn’t notice.

He then saw the heartbeat out of its cage as he confessed his feelings. “I love you, Stella.” He went on, though she was too astonished to speak. Praising her beauty, kindness, and virtue. She was crying happy tears. He asked to marry her to follow God’s path for them together and how eagerly she said yes.

He then saw an evening in her room. Her mother was behind her on the bed, combing her hair and rebranding it. And talking.

“The first time it happens, you will bleed. He might be large and it will hurt when he goes inside you, which he will want more than anything else to do. That or to have to pleasure him with your mouth. That’s what all men want.”

He could feel the gasp that couldn’t get out of her and how she felt so hot.

“I wish not to shock you, Stella. But for you to be ready to be his wife. Even if he is a priest, he is a man. It’s what men are. You cannot close him off. Much less on your wedding night. The one thing all wives must do- we must consider our husband’s happiness, not our own. It was what God designed us to do- to submit. You must think of that, and fulfill your duty to him once he is your husband. It is not for pleasure, but for duty” while combing her hair.

“What if I can’t…please him?” she asked.

“Then…the truth is, they will find someone else who can,” her mother informed her.

He saw a town hall decked with flowers. Saw flower petals being thrown all over. People dancing. A tuxedo and Stella being spun around, laughing and smiling. Will took her arms and spun her in her wedding gown in the hall, almost childishly. But the adoration and laughter on his face made her forget her anxieties about that night.

He saw the aftermath of the night. He was over her, on top of her. His curls over her face. His pants. And then kissing her, asking her if he hurt her. She said he didn’t. But all Stella could think about was how this was the closest she ever felt to being in heaven.

He saw a peaceful evening, Will sitting and reading as she sewed by the fire. It rained and it was very cozy.

He saw her first pregnancy. Their gasps of surprise. The baby forming in her belly. She felt a little sick, a little dizzy, but thrilled. But how it was excused as she had to go and vomit in a washbin.

He saw the first childbirth. The pain splitting her apart. Her tears, asking for her mother who was there, holding her hand. Then the endless joy as the baby was brought out to be held.

He saw the second pregnancy. She was cramping badly. Sighing as she made another cup of tea. Grateful her maternity corset had the laces on the side. There was going to be a meeting with the deacons soon and she would hear all about it. But what should she make for the women’s bible study? She couldn’t decide. She felt sick again- and the baby was still sobbing in the cradle, a red face and hair with chubby arms and legs.

She felt the cry stir her, but she rocked the child. She hoped the baby wouldn’t cry during church. Eyes would all go to the front row and she would have to excuse herself out to rock the baby as they all listened to her sermon. Whispering about her. Being a vicar’s wife was being a bug beneath a looking glass. Or the audience for a tightrope walker at a circus. Waiting for the moment she would slip and fall and be disgraced forever. Especially for a small, conservative town. One wrong move from her, or even from her children, and her husband’s ministry and position was done for.

The second childbirth. She was scared, there was pain. The cramps, but worse. Pushing, confused. The faces and voices. There was blood. Then a delivery. Relief flooding through her and happy tears poured down her face.

Then later- there were two little girls tucked into their bed from Mama and Papa. As they slept as sweetly as cherubs, Will would wrap her in an embrace.

“I live for you, for us, for what we have. You are my life, Stella. Before God, I have you.”

She would smile and kiss his cheek, his beard scratching her.’

“And I for you, my darling,” she replied.

The third pregnancy. It was at the church's Christmas Eve service. One where after his sermon, he went down to sit next to her as the choir sang. The baby began to kick for the first time. She put Will’s hand on it and they smiled.

The third childbirth. Pain and blood. It was a long labor. She wondered if she was going to die.

Only it wasn’t her who emerged dead. It was the baby.

Then, the next year, she entered the nursery one day.

The cloth draped over the little bed. The shape of a child’s body beneath it.

Stella nearly fell down. She felt a sound escape her mouth.

They were going to take Julianna Ransome away. Take away the child…only that wasn’t a child anymore. That was a body. The soul was with God. She had already held her…her last moment, the last thing she ever did, her last embrace and moment of earth was in her mother’s arms as she kissed her forehead.

Will would rush up, and put a hand on her shoulder.

She went up, wishing to kiss the forehead- tell Julianna that Mama loved her one last time, even if she wasn’t here to hear it.

But the men were coming to dress the body and prepare her for the funeral.

She felt one rough hand from a man push her away roughly. Will held her back as she sobbed. They already had a casket prepared. They lifted the little girl and put her in. Stella couldn’t speak. She couldn't go, clutch protectively over the child.

They carried the casket and left the room and the house.

The second her husband’s arms loosened, Stella felt herself crumple onto the floor. Sobbing violently. Sounds coming out of her that weren’t human. Will over her, a hand on her back and shoulder. He then held her as she sobbed for the daughter they had and lost.

The Fourth Pregnancy. She was craving things but fought them. She had to remain slender somehow. She was always tired. Her feet almost were too swollen for her shoes. She was always tired, trying so hard not to doze at church when Will wasn’t speaking.

The Fourth Childbirth. Blood and pain. It was a breech. The feet was coming out before the head was- and that would stifle her and Will’s child. They had to move it in her belly. Then delivery. The little boy was brought forth safely.

Jo was starting to walk. Will held her hands as she took her first steps. Stella opened her arms as she walked right to her mother. Then she rocked John in his cradle. A healthy, happy baby having his first laugh. She never thought a laugh would sound so beautiful to her.

Another night of coital bliss. Ecstasy spinning in Stella’s system as Will panted beside her in that bed. She was so glad that her mother was very, very wrong.

The fifth pregnancy. The baby was kicking like a horse. She was feeling sick all of the time. The doctor advised Will to be careful. She needed some rest after this one. It was taking a toll.

The fifth childbirth. Push, push, push. The baby’s head had retracted back in, so she had to push him out again. She was in pain, splitting her apart. This was ten times any cramp she had during her courses. There was so much blood. She thought this was her end.

But the baby arrived. He already had dark, curly hair and she loved him more than anything, holding and kissing him. Calling him the name she and Will decided on if it was a boy.

“Hello James, I’m your mama,” she cooed to the tiny face.

Years later. John and James were in the church playing leapfrog after one service.

Then he saw Jo collecting books and getting bigger. Claiming she was now a grown-up at the dinner table. Saying she wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer at dinner.

Then…the dead body was discovered on the beach- the second one. The horror of the town in their stillness and big eyes. People crossing themselves. Whispers of a Serpent. One that would even abduct children…perhaps one of their own, Stella feared. She could only hold her husband's hand. She remembered those words- “It’s God’s punishment, but we’ll get it through together.”

Then a dinner. She wore her nice pearl earrings and a nice dress for a guest.

“My husband will not judge you,” she assured the guest.

A woman with blonde hair, round cheeks, and squinty eyes, but slim and pretty. Who ate beside a young boy with dark brown hair. In the dim light of the dark house, one could see streaks of red in the woman’s astonishingly golden hair.

Her husband looking at the woman intensely. Hypnotized. Like he couldn’t tear his eyes off. Like she was art.

Once upon a time, he looked at Stella like that.

But she would not say anything. She cut up her meat in delicate, small bites and ate slowly. Listening to the woman discuss science.

Then another. Will in a tuxedo. He was dancing with that woman. She could only watch from the corner as everyone stared at them like they were a fairytale.

She didn’t matter anymore. And she would learn to accept she didn’t matter anymore.

Then a bed. Her bloody handkerchiefs. Nothing but a room full of blue crosses and her blue bed. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

He was done. There was no doubt where he was.

She could sense it and she would not stop it.

Will told her God wanted him to lie with Cora.

I’ve done my duty, God. I’ve done my duty, mother. My time is done. God is calling me and I must follow Him without question. She thought.

All as her heart still beat.

Loki let go. He had seen so much. He retracted his fingers and found himself in the present.

She was crying a little.

“- I-I’m so sorry…” he apologized. He conjured a handkerchief and handed it to her.

She shook her head, accepting it.

‘No, I’m glad you saw. So you would understand just a little.” she recalled.

“You saw it?” he asked.

“Yes…” she confirmed. She wiped a few tears, doing her best to gather herself.

“I do understand. Everything,” he said.

She took a deep breath. She had purged her memories, her past. Just a mere few of many. She then extended her hand.

“Lok….let us dance now in that ballroom. I’d like to dance a waltz with you, please…”

He cocked his head. His old mischief returned to him. “A waltz? Well, Little Star, we haven’t waltzed before! A waltz is….it has an interesting history of being a little bit scandalous because it involves…”

“I would like to waltz with you, Loki.” she interrupted.

He led her to the ballroom. There were candles lit around the wide space to make it brighter, the pale, hard floors echoing beneath her steps.

He wrapped her in an embrace.

“Loki, I have one more request. Could you do it?” she asked.

‘Why, that depends on what the request is.”

“You’ve seen so much of me, but I have only seen so much of you. Loki…could I dance with you in your form?”

‘I am in it.’

“Your real form.”

“This is my real form. If you wish to dance-”

“Your Frost Giant Form, I mean.”

He transformed. He was blue and with red eyes His skin chilled her touch, sending shivers down her spine but keeping her awake and alert.

With a nod of his head, there were violins playing a song in three-quarter time. They began to move into a square. She kept her eyes down a little to watch her feet. She could feel a stiff silence in Loki- as if she was now afraid of his Frost Giant form. But keeping her eyes away, it made the words pour out of her mouth easier.

“He was my entire life and I didn’t satisfy him. I didn’t make him happy…so he looked elsewhere.… I failed my duty.” she mourned.

Loki tightened his hold on her and nearly swung her into the next step.

“Don’t say that! You never once failed in your duty, Stella!”

She perked up as he said her name. There was an added fierceness that the bright crimson of his eyes made apparent. Though the music was playing, Loki’s voice could easily be heard over it.

“I have seen your life. You are anything but a failure. You never failed the priest. He failed you as a husband, have you ever considered that?”

“No,” she replied.

“You love. Intensely. Fiercely. More than anyone knows. More than anyone I have met. I have nothing but hate inside me, but you have nothing but love inside you. But you shouldn’t let that love allow others to treat you like you’re their servant and not an equal to them…”

“It’s…it could be sinful,” she replied meekly.

“Your mortal ways and faith. Is saying no a sin? Is being angry that you were mistreated, taken advantage of a sin? Is it a sin to fight back? To protect yourself? I can tell you, here there is no such thing!”

“I don’t want to complain or be ungrateful.”

“You never did! But keeping it inside and letting them torment you will kill you, Stella, faster than that mortal illness ever could. Fight. Fight, Stella. Fight back. Be furious. Sob. Scream. But fight.” he insisted.

She stared up at him in wonder, though they continued to move.

“I was always so ashamed after I cried after I fell to anger…” she confessed.

The music continued. She heard a violin trill.

“I’d rather you feel the pain than not feel at all…do you feel any pain now?” he asked.

“No… I don’t…”

He gave her a smirk,

“Good,”

“Do you feel any pain, Loki?”

“No, because you are an excellent dancer…”

They walked for a few minutes in silence. It sounded like the song was going to end. She leaned closer. There was a last chord in major that resolved, the echoes of the strings melting away.

“Loki…the music is over, but…hold me. Please. Just for a little.”

He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her. She hugged him back. He felt cold, yet she held on. She then heard a sound like a ruffle of feathers and from the corner of her eye, there was a green light. He changed to his form with pale skin. How…warm he felt compared to the ice. Soft and comforting. She rested her forehead on his chest. For a god, he felt so human, so real, so comforting. She felt his long arms wrap around her, envelop her as if they were wings. She nestled further. Enjoying the closeness, the tenderness of his touch.

She held on as long as she needed to. And then she let go.

“You just wanted an embrace.”

“Yes…”

“I’m glad you asked. Don’t be afraid to,” he said.

“I…I won’t, Loki,” she replied.

He escorted her to her room.

“Loki I….” the words came out of her. He tilted his head.

She restrained herself. She wouldn’t. She couldn’t. She’d be as bad as her husband.

“I hope you sleep well, goodnight.”

“Goodnight, my little star.”

She felt herself blush at “my” as she closed the door.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

The next morning, Stella woke up. She felt oddly refreshed like a weight was lifted off of her.

She went down to the piece of paper on the vanity. She began to comb her hair. Looking a the bed, she admitted that last night…the temptation was there. She admitted it silently to herself. She was a few steps away from the precipice, asking Loki to stay with her in her room for the night. Just to hold her, talk to her, and…no, what if it progressed? What if he kissed her? What if he- she couldn’t even name what else her weakness would have let her do! Only glad her strength prevailed.

But…she did like that song from that one time. When the illness attacked her and he sang. If only she could understand the words!

She looked down at the paper.

“Hello there. I know it’s been a minute. But, what were the words of the song Loki sang to me? The night I got sick?”

The words were listed there.

“Which one was the part he sang lower at the beginning?” she asked.

It shortened to the lyrics. Though she liked the two words that read as “Star Mojen.” It sounded like “star maiden” which was a pretty image in her head.

Then…it struck her…the hand kiss. That was the very line he kissed her hand on…

“And what do they mean in English?”

The translation appeared.

““In stormy black mountains

I wander alone

Over the glacier I move forward”

She found this meaning in the line with the star maiden line.

“In the apple orchard stands the maiden, so beautiful.”

Warm tingles appeared all over her. That was the line he dedicated to her! He was making her the maiden in the song.

The rest of the translation of that bit appeared:

“And sings, ‘When will you come home?’”

She looked about the place. Once, she longed to be back in the white house on the marshes again. But now…the longer she stayed there, the more she was home. And the more being with Loki felt like being home.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

He only appeared at dinner that time. Wearing a grand cape with yellow on the inside. She noticed how long he had grown his hair. His dark curls were falling down to his shoulders.

“I wanted to thank you for last night,” she began once he sat down.

He conjured himself a glass of wine. “Oh, really I should be the one thanking you.”

“I wish I had your boldness, your confidence, Loki,” Stella replied. She got out her knife and fork and began to politely take small bites of her roast chicken.

“And I wish I had your heart. I don’t think at times I could ever forgive my father…” he said.

“Your father? What did he do?” she asked.

He took a sip as if for liquid courage.

“Well, he was the one who plucked me as an infant from Jotunheim. He brought me to live in Asgard in the palace. As the second-born son to the throne. The runner-up. Second best. But not the favorite, as my dear brother is,” he hissed bitterly.

She spoke no words of judgment. Only wiped her mouth with her napkin before placing it on her lap.

“Well, he was always letting Thor do whatever he wanted and letting him be his heir and me the unequal. Oh, and did I mention, he kept me being a Frost Giant as a secret until I found out by accident!” he vented.

“Oh, Loki, he shouldn’t have,” she commented.

“And do you know what he said? He said my birthright was to die! And that I should be grateful!” his face colored bright red and his eyebrows furrowed.

“A parent shouldn’t say that to a child…” she agreed.

“At times, I wish I could shove him off of the rainbow bridge, I would, and I-”

“Loki, how is containing all of this anger and rage going to make you any happier?” she asked.

He silently fumed. Two hands over his cup of wine.

“You have to talk to him. Tell him that you were hurt. If I hurt my John, I would rather him tell me than silently hate me.”

“All I can think of now is how I will get the throne to be my own-”

“Loki, did you know your brother came by and asked for you?”

He blinked.

“What?! That dolt of a brother arrived here?” he asked.

“Yes! He has been looking for you! He loves you and misses you! And your mother worries about you…Loki, tearing yourself away from people who care about you will only make things worse. If you let your hate for Odin consume you, eat you away…how will you see all the people who love you who are willing to help you?”

“Thor is arrogant and dangerous-”

“You can be jealous of someone and love them too. You can be angry at someone and love them. And sitting down stewing in fury and doing nothing isn’t going to solve a wit of your problems.”

He looked at her. She, who had been through so much, who was loved and thrown to the side like a child’s toy. Yet she still loved people, cared for them, and had hope, had kindness inside of her.

“It…it won’t solve anything…” he agreed.

“You can tell someone how they hurt you. And you can love someone the same, and treasure what love you have in your life…” she said.

“My Frost Giant form though…that is a sight some of them will have to get used to.”

“I think it’s beautiful,” she said.

He cocked an eyebrow. He then got up. He used magic to conjure his chair to be next to her.

“Oh! A Frost Giant- beautiful, you say?” he asked.

“You’re…well, beautiful in every form,” she admitted, with a shy glance down at her napkin.

He paused. He drank her in. Her ballgown. The soft blonde of her hair and sweet eyes.

He couldn’t help himself. He added in-

“As are you.”

Her eyes went big. Her hands clenched where they were laying on the table. She looked back down.

“Well, I have, I have marks on me from the pregnancies and I am not Mrs. Seaborne, but-”

He cut her off. He went to her, even closer. She felt her breath catch as he cupped her face, forcing her to look into his eyes.

“Stella are beautiful in your nightgown. You’re beautiful in your gowns. You were beautiful when you were swollen with child. You were beautiful when you brought each child out. You are beautiful with your hair free and undone. You’re beautiful when you braid it. You are beautiful when your hands and skirt are dirty from the garden. You’re beautiful when you sit and sew without a speck of dirt on you. I will never be worthy to even be seen standing next to you, and anyone who sees us will ask questions about what a great beauty like you is doing being seen next to me. Just because you are alive and here- that is what makes me think of nothing but you, because you are the very stars in your name. Internally and on your person.”

She was frozen for a minute. Processing it all. Her mouth lowered and could only release a little air. She could see the blue of his eyes, the soft elegance of his features.

Then, at last, she said, “I haven’t been called beautiful for months.”

Loki’s eyes turned shiny

“What…really? You should be called beautiful. Every day,” he said.

Her breath returned to her. She smiled.

“Loki, if you are a monster…how could you come up with that? You have more goodness in you than you think. I…I…thank you,” she continued.

They danced something other than a waltz. Loki was glad. He didn’t want to hold her in his arms again. Every time he touched her, he wanted more. And every time she got close, he didn’t want to let her go.

“She’s just a mortal. One of a million. Who am I to get involved with some lowly mortal woman? And that’s not to mention she isn’t free,” Loki thought, scolding himself.

Those thoughts dissipated as the music ended and they bowed and curtsied.

He only wished her goodnight. Still…part of him hoped she would weaken. Give into temptation. Ask for him at night. To lie with him, be with him…He felt something stirring in his groin at the image of her naked in that bed. He hated himself for it and increased his pace further from her room.

But he knew her better than that. Part of him wanted to curse and throw something. Her husband could roll about in the grass with a hundred women and swim nude in the sea and even touch himself in its waters whenever he wanted- but she couldn’t!

He said nothing but clenched his fists tight. He then stormed off to find another room to douse himself in cold water.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Stella sat Writing more letters to her family one afternoon. She set them on the chest in her room and it vanished to be delivered to them.

She missed….she thought she missed them, but she missed people. Having someone, anyone to talk to during the day. It then struck her how lonely she was. Loki had appeared only sometimes during the day. Would he appear before dinner like he sometimes did with the sheep episode? Then they’d eat and dance. Then he was gone. Did he even sleep here? Considering how big the castle was, he might have been in some secret room.

Her life was always busy, for there were three children, a dog, a church, a village, and a husband to keep up with. When it was declared she was sick, everything was so quiet. There was nothing to do but lie in bed and wait to die. She would spend whole days alone in that house, on that bed, with no energy except to sometimes ask for visitors to see them again and to stare out the window at the marshes. And pray for God to prepare her to enter heaven.

Now there was no longer a threat of death. She was due for a visit to the healers today to check on her. But as used as she was to being alone…she felt lonely. If only Loki could be there to conjure some trick or say something to make her laugh or blush. She…she missed him.

And why should she sit around waiting in an enchanted castle like she did every day here? Even cleaning and gardening was getting tiresome. As she looked around, she saw there was a shining golden city. And the carriage was going to take her to the healer's cottage for her appointment today. The city was just outside of it…but the city itself was only a ten-minute walk from their cottage.

What was Asgard like? And the people too…how different were they from Midgardians?

She waited for the carriage. It took her to the appointment in the healer's cottage. They declared she was improving after a few tests. As she stepped out, she looked at the nearby gates and the tops of the buildings peeking out.

Besides, she couldn’t help but be curious.

She went down to the cottage and sat in it. But instead of asking it to return, she knocked on it’s ceiling and asked aloud:

“I’d like to visit that city over there, please!”

It took her down, further to Asgard. A shining city full of people going about with long robes for clothes and elaborately braided hair. White birds flew about looking for crumbs that grandmothers tossed to them. Children ran about and played without any fear of a serpent lurking anywhere to eat them.

Stella stepped out. She felt a little embarrassed in her day dress of light blue still having puffed sleeves and petticoats compared to everyone else. She noticed a dress shop on one corner and walked to it.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“You…you spoke with who again?! There are too many names, just how many friends did you make?” Loki cried.

She smiled. She sat proudly in her cerulian Asgardian dress she bought. Her shoulders were exposed and her hair in its side braid.

“Oh, Audur!, she’s delightful. She is a new mother and I was glad to give her some advice and help her with the baby- she had the sweetest little boy, he hardly cried and he’s so small! Oh, and there’s the shop Seigfriend owns- I felt odd going about in these clothes, but I find the Asgardian fashions fascinating. He managed to give me this one on sale. Oh, and I also saw a temple and was curious- your people do make offerings and they vanish! How fascinating! A priest named Tristan said he would explain more to me. I was invited to a little book club and sewing circle by Brunhilde and a few other ladies who sensed I was new and wanted to welcome me-Oh! And these!”

She reached into her pockets and pulled out the pebbles, pure dark blue with sparkles inside them.

“I found these just on the ground! They’re beautiful! Like gems! Isn’t it like the night sky?” she boasted.

He cocked an eyebrow.

“Why aren’t you amazed?” she asked.

“Little Star, They’re ordinary! They’re everywhere in Asgard!

“Oh, but you can find so much beauty and meaning in the most ordinary of things, Loki. You just have to look…conjure my box, please.”

He did as she requested. She opened the lid on the table, digging about. Then she brought out a seashell. A conch that curled into itself with a hole. She held it over to him. He felt the edges.

“It’s beautiful. Like a piece of art,” she said. “Do you see the little edges? And how smooth it is. And this was not made by man…nature made it. It did that naturally. Why is that not amazing?” she asked.

‘It is..” he admitted.

She then handed him the blue stone.

“And this one…we have the whole sky above our heads. But here, we can just hold it in our hands easily. Isn’t that beautiful in itself? I know you’re a god, Loki, but when I merely cup this, I feel like a goddess myself. I feel what it is like to have a whole thing, a whole existence just in your hand…”

He ran a thumb over it. And then he returned it to her hand. Their skin brushed against each other.

“Could I invite Brunhilde and a few others over to the palace?” she asked.

Loki grinned. A mischievous light in his eyes.

“I tell you what- we should throw a ball!”

“A ball?” she repeated.

“Would you like that? To invite your friends? You will be in charge of invitations! I don’t think you’ve ever been to a grand ball before, Stella. I’ll make sure everything looks up to par and that there’s enough food and your friends can all enjoy themselves?”

Stella’s eyes beamed. Then she released her hands from his. She set the pebbles in the box and closed the lid.

“I will on one condition…you be there. You go too, as a guest. You are the first I would like to invite.”

Loki put a hand to his chest in fake surprise.

“Why! I would be delighted! We should take a bit of time to plan, and then we can set a date. Until then, we better brush up on our dancing, don’t you agree, little star?”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Will knelt down to pray that evening. He couldn’t sleep. He was still clothed, pacing about the bedroom. Everything suddenly felt empty- as if she was dead and buried already. His mind reeling.

He knelt next to that bed.

“Dear Lord…bring her back to me. Keep her safe.” he prayed.

Whoever this “Loki” was as he called himself, he was keeping her safe and had apparent access to a cure. He wasn’t sure if this was the man he saw. He wasn’t sure how he and Stella managed to vanish in the blink of an eye or how. Or even where this city called Asgard could be found…or if she would return. He could only pray and wait.

Then, he jumped. His jaw went slack, for there was something there he had never seen before.

A portal opened. The rim was green and had golden light glowing from it. He heard music and laughter. Inside, he thought he saw a ballroom and a crowd of people.

Crossing himself, he walked through.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Meticulously as they planned it, the ball began smoothly. Stella’s friends in Asgard invited their friends and then their friends. For they heard of an enchanted castle and wanted to see it, as well as hear and see the famous trickster god reappearing among them.

Stella wanted to somehow invite the royal family. But the guards would not let some puny mortal pass as much as a letter through their gates. Perhaps there would be another time.

The Aesir in their robes were all gasping at the sight of the palace. It had an older, even Midgardian style to the place. Audur went up and greeted Stella. Saying how glad she and her husband found a babysitter for the night. Brunhilde embraced her as if she had known her for years. Music was already playing, not that it stopped all the chatter.

The violins had settled. Loki appeared before her. His curls were washed and looked soft and beautiful. He dressed in his finer robes. He wore no cape, but his black and green had hints of golden armor. Stella herself was wearing a gown that was more Asgardian in its longness and simple sleeves, its exposed neck. It was a pastel blue as if she was the day sky melting into the night.

“You are radiance itself today,” he said.

“My, how gallant of you!” she replied at him.

There was a starting cord.

“I must tell you, I asked them to give us the first dance…shall we do it together? Or, would you rather the others partner up?” he asked.

He held out his hand.

“Oh, that is nothing I cannot take. We can dance, Loki,” she replied.

She touched her hand on his. With a grin, he led her onto the floor. There was a clearing and here they were in the center.

They got into position. He lifted her hand up in the air, their fingers intertwining.

Loki saw Will out of the corner of his eye. There in the crowd. Stella was clearly oblivious to him, for his plain vest blended amid the Asgardian colors.

Loki put his hand on the small of Stella’s back and pulled her in tighter.

Stella was starting to shiver again. She nearly forgot the steps. Something about Loki being close…and everyone watching, watching them embrace. She clutched onto his arm as if he were a raft keeping her above the water.

The music began and they waltzed.

He was smiling. And for once, a large, happy smile was on her face as well. She didn’t want to look away. He was so beautiful. So real. And there.

They covered more ground. Going a little faster. She kept up with his steps well. She felt like she was truly flying, her blue skirt swishing about.

She looked at him, and she broke into a smile so big, she bared her teeth. She felt a small laugh break out from her in her happiness.

Loki relaxed his posture and smiled softly at her too. That look on her face, the pure joy on it…

She was all that made sense. All that was real and true and good in the world. He could have held her and danced for eternity.

Stella went to Loki and locked eyes. It was a waltz. They did it before. But he held her tighter.

Will stood there, watching helplessly. People smiled as they watched. He could only see the look of adoration in Stella’s eyes to this man. Her eyes were so bright, her happiness beaming across the room like light. This was not a smile she would reserve for anyone.

It then hit him, His wife was dancing with a man she was in love with.

Loki couldn’t help but force a smirk at bay as he felt Will’s presence in the crowd. His portal worked as planned. And the vicar was there to seep in the rich, rich irony of it all of his own medicine being fed to him in a big, hearty dose.

As the music rose to a crescendo, Loki then grabbed his hands around her waist. Stella gasped. Then easily, he lifted her up and twirled her around, her skirt flying around her like a water painting. But she only laughed in delight. He then set her down as the final chord resolved.

The crowd applauded. There was going to be another dance in a few minutes. But Stella went away to talk to some friends. They led her off to the table to enjoy the delicacies that was served. Excitedly chatting away as they went over, blending into the crowd.

Loki was catching his breath when he heard a voice. A voice just like his own say-

‘Pardon me, sir!”

Will went forward to him. Loki felt his whole body tighten. Loki wasn’t sure to be excited, miserable, angry, thrilled all at once. Despite the similarity in their features, people hardly glanced at them. For one had dark hair and the other auburn-blonde-brown, no one would notice their similarities unless they looked closer and heard the voices.

“Sir- where is Mrs. Stella Ransome? Do you know where she went?” Will asked.

Loki frowned. He glared down at the man with as much intimidation as he could. He responded with the same voice.

“Then answer me this- why should I take you to her? Why should I let you in the same room she is in? Why let you look at her and hear her voice when you aren’t worthy to as much as kiss the ground she walks on? Why should I let you as much as lay your filthy hands on one hair on her head? Why should I give her to you?” the god demanded.

People were starting to turn heads. There was silence, for the music could not even play as people quieted to watch.

Stella turned around. Her eyes took in long, curly hair. A wisp of a goatee. A vest. High cheekbones and blue eyes.

She dropped her plate to where it dropped her salad onto the floor. She began to tremble. She couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak.

Will held his ground. He looked directly into the god’s eyes.

“Because she is my wife.”

There was a pause. Only a flicker of a second too long for anyone to intervene.

Loki got out his dagger and stabbed Will.

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use-your-telescope · 11 months ago

Text

When Everything's Made to be Broken - Chapter 18: You Were in the Darkness, Too

Summary: The aftermath of the attack on the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Author’s Note: So… I meant to post a chapter two days ago, then Sunday morning I woke up and was like “nope I need to re-do some of this because I think it’ll be better if a certain event happens ‘on screen,’ so to speak.” Long story short, two days later, here we are! I feel like Oprah - “you get world building, you get back story reveal, you get plot progression, you get super self-indulgent hurt-comfort (maybe a bit more hurt in this chapter, but have no fear there is LOADS more comfort where this came from)!”

Another random note - back when I started posting snippets on the beloved hellsite, this song initially was set with an entirely different chapter. Then I concluded it worked much better here. So if you have been around for long enough that you’re like “hold up a minute!” when you see the song and what happens here, that’s why. Tbh, I think most of the songs that were paired up with chapters have changed since I initially posted snippets. That’s the beauty of drafts, I guess? Anyways, thanks for your patience, and hope you enjoy <3 reblogs are always appreciated, and lmk if you want to be added to the tag list!

Contents: Descriptions of vomiting, in relation to describing a migraine. Nightmares. Tears. Loki being the actual MVP.

Word Count: 5,913

Read on AO3 | When Everything's Made to be Broken Masterlist

Song: Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

A falling star fell from your heart And landed in my eyes I screamed aloud as it tore through them And now it’s left me blind

Some types of pain could be relieved with medicine.

Others… not so much.

From the moment Theo found Chris outside of the Met, standing amidst the crowd of attendees in a makeshift triage area that had been set up by blocking off 5th Avenue, she could sense a difference in the way he looked at her. He didn’t rush towards her; instead, he approached slowly, scanning over her appearance with wide eyes and the color actively draining from his face. When they met in the middle, Chris reached out as if he wanted to embrace Theo, but he froze with hands hovering inches away from her body, as if he was afraid to touch her.

Even as Theo promised she was fine and that Chris shouldn’t worry – even as she checked him over, asking if he was okay, the short, half-hearted answers and the cold, wary look in his eyes didn’t diminish; instead of embracing her, he lowered his arms and stepped back, putting even more distance between them.

He looked at her the same way the council looked at her: as an abomination, a curse.

The exchange, however, was cut short - one of the medics employed by Stark to work with the Avengers spotted Theo and rushed over to request her help treating some of the most critical patients, who otherwise would not survive transport to the nearest hospital.

So, Theo pushed the raw ache that settled in her chest to the back of her mind, ignored the churning of her stomach and the pounding in her skull, and set about treating the worst of the injuries, even if it meant she would blow past her limits and pay the price later on. There was a physical cost to using magic, and with healing that cost was much higher - particularly when the scope of healing required was practically bringing someone back from the dead.

However, between someone dying or inducing a migraine from overexertion of magic, Theo would choose the migraine every time. At least when she healed, some good could come from her magic. Did it make her suffer? Yes, but she probably deserved it after everything.

And boy, she was suffering.

By the time she left, the only people who remained beyond the emergency response crews were paparazzi, lurking around the perimeter like predators stalking prey as they attempted to capture glimpses of the aftermath. They pounced at the sight of Theo, bloodied and drained after what was meant to be a celebratory occasion turned to a nightmare. Each burst of flash felt like an icepick to her skull and left her wishing she had enough energy to teleport herself home. Theo lifted one hand in a futile attempt to block some of the light, only for the shouting of the photographers to ricochet through her eardrums and into her skull.

How Theo survived the ride back to the tower without throwing up from motion sickness, she wasn’t sure. By some miracle she made it back to her suite, only to make it a few steps inside the door before the nausea and sensitivity to light and sound made her beeline for the bathroom, scolding herself for her earlier recklessness as she dove for the toilet and prepared to empty the contents of her stomach.

Over the sound of her retching, Theo didn’t hear her phone ring. Because her head was buried in the porcelain bowl of the toilet, she didn’t see the screen light up with Chris’s name.

As the nausea faded, Theo remained firmly in place, bent over the toilet bowl with both arms stretched across the top of the toilet seat. Once she knew she wasn’t going to be sick, Theo carefully eased herself down to lay on the floor, having spent the last of her energy throwing up.

Laying in her bed would have been more pleasant, but the thought of moving sent waves of churning heat through Theo’s stomach and made her entire body ache. Besides, the cool tile felt great against her uncomfortably warm skin and it was tolerable enough for her to pass out without even realizing she’d done so.

It was the vibration of Theo’s phone rattling on the floor that dragged her back to the world of the living, only to find she somehow felt even worse than when she passed out earlier. In her half-asleep stupor, Theo clumsily grabbed the phone from where she had tossed it as an afterthought. A wince snuck out as the light of the screen stabbed through Theo’s head; she squinted, trying to make sense of the contents on the screen.

The culprit was a text from Wanda, stating “you okay??” and then including what looked like a link. But Theo didn’t open the text right away - a different notification on her lock screen caught her eye. A voicemail from Chris, from right around the time Theo got back to the tower, elicited a sense of foreboding dread from Theo that she couldn’t ignore.

With shaking fingers, Theo unlocked her phone and went to her voicemail. She selected the message, relying on the speech to text feature to read the contents of the message instead of listening.

“Hey, it’s Chris. I’d been hoping you would answer, but I guess it is what it is. Look, I’ve been thinking - I don’t think we should see each other anymore. I know it’s cliché, but I mean it when I say it’s not you - it’s me.”

Even if Theo knew it was coming, reading the words still made her sick to her stomach.

“I know that you’ll always have to put your work as an Avenger first - I’ve always known that. I wouldn’t ask you to try and choose between being an Avenger and our relationship. But tonight, I saw you fighting, and I realized what it really means to date an Avenger, and– it’s too much. I can’t do it. If there’s stuff you left at my apartment, I’ll send it back to you. I’m sorry, Theo. Take care.”

Theo barely finished reading the transcription before bile clawed up from her stomach. She gagged, scrambling to her knees and barely managing to get into position before she threw up, this time expelling nothing but stomach acid in the process.

Between the cramping of her abdominal muscles, the burning in her throat, the pounding in her skull, the uncomfortable heat of her skin, and the aches radiating from her bones, Theo was miserable enough. The voicemail, however - that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

A gasp escaped from Theo before she could stop it, then a whimper. Her eyes were leaking - no, water poured from them. She tried to cover her face with her hands as a whine escaped her throat, but she couldn’t stop the sobs that shook her entire body. Moving was painful - crying was painful - but the ache inside of her was far worse than any physical discomfort.

She should have known it would end like this. This was always what happened when people got to know her - they realized she was no good, and then they abandoned her. Thinking this time would be any different was stupid. Even if she told herself that whatever she had with Chris was nothing serious, it didn’t make the fact that he saw her for the curse she was, and he left.

They always leave.

And the worst part? Theo wasn’t angry at Chris for leaving. As much as she hated when the council looked at her like the curse she was, she could understand why. Her family deserved better. The Aneterrans deserved better. They all deserved better than her.

Chris didn’t know the extent of the bullet he dodged, but he knew enough to make the smart decision and leave before he got hurt.

By the time the tears stopped, Theo felt like a mess through and through. She didn’t even want to think about what she looked like - eyes swollen, hair tangled, makeup smudged, her skin still sticky with dried blood, and her armor torn from fighting.

She needed a shower, and then a real bed.

As tempting as it was to lay back down on the floor and continue to wallow, the desire to feel less disgusting won out.

Theo sat on the floor as she peeled the layers of armor off her body, only standing when she absolutely had to in order to remove her pants. The addition of vertigo meant that she spent most of the short time beneath the spray of cool water leaning against a wall, eventually sliding down to sit on the shower floor when her legs grew too tired to support her weight.

The process of drying and dressing in pajamas required multiple pauses - one to be sick again, the others a result of aching limbs and muscles trembling from prolonged exertion. It took a herculean effort, but Theo finally made it to her bed, falling asleep before she even had a chance to pull the covers over herself.

The stars, the moon, They have all been blown out You left me in the dark No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight In the shadow of your heart

Once a bustling metropolis, Meridia had been known for its opulence and innovation. The streets were packed with vendors peddling their latest inventions and entertainers attempting to woo the staff of the royal court in hopes of securing an audience with the king and queen.

That Meridia was no more.

Theo stood in the center of a barren flagstone street, blanketed in the dark of a new moon. Broken glass clung to the window frames of weathered stone buildings long-abandoned, just one trace of the city’s descent into madness. Adjusting her mask, Theo pressed forward, relying on muscle memory to carry her into the underbelly of the city she once called home.

Theo used to sneak onto those very streets with her cousins, placing bets on which performers would successfully charm whoever was tasked with the day’s errands. Sneaking amongst the city was how Theo first learned her governess had a crush with the Apothecary’s son, always traveling to him whenever she needed some sort of potion or supplies for Theo’s lessons. Theo also once caught Ravenna performing to a crowd while in disguise, though Theo immediately recognized her sister and used the knowledge as blackmail. If she listened close enough, she could hear faint traces of musicians’ voices in the wind.

A chill wracked her body.

Throughout the streets, navy fog shimmered, emitting an iridescent glow as it weaved in and out of the alleys around her. When she left, this neighborhood had yet to be tainted by the arcane fog that had come to be known as the haze. An orange glow and billowing smoke in the distance highlighted the silhouette of a broken skyline.

Even after all these years, the ruins had yet to stop burning.

The city was but a shadow of what it once was.

This was no longer the Meridia that Theo remembered, much less the Aneterra that Theo hoped to one day return to.

Instinct led her down alleys and side streets, through what once were lush court gardens bursting with exotic blooms as she reached the rear of her destination. Dead vines of Ivy still clung to once-pristine stone walls; cracks in the weathered glass window panes only hinted at what Theo might find inside. Careful to avoid drawing attention to herself, Theo lurked in the shadows as she made her way round to the front of a building she once knew in and out, the place that she reminisced about on cold nights when the winds of winter rattled her windows as a girl in Michigan.

Somehow, the front door - crafted of thick lumber and held together with intricate metalwork that reflected the status of the home’s former residents - hadn’t been destroyed in the massacre.

Theo started to push the door open, but stopped short. She hadn’t been there since the night of the massacre, when she thought she lost everything. Even if Fury was right - even if Theo’s parents and sister were alive - they weren’t the only people Theo lost that night. The possibility that Theo might discover their remains just beyond the door was one she had to be ready to face.

Theo drew in a deep breath, steeled herself, and pushed the door open.

The creaking of worn hinges echoed through what once had been a grand foyer. A thick layer of dust coated the overturned furniture and picture frames along the walls, askew from the chaos of the massacre.

Theo’s boots clicked along the marble floor, each cautious step percolating through the air. The further she ventured into the room, the stronger the sense became that she was not alone.

Before her, a grand staircase curved up to the second floor, drawing the eye towards the massive windows which previously made the foyer feel particularly grand. In the dark, however, Theo couldn’t even tell if the glass remained in place, or if fighting had destroyed those windows too.

Without consciously thinking about it, Theo crept towards the stairs and began to climb. Halfway up the stairs, Theo swore she saw a silhouette amongst the shadows cast by the window frame. Curiosity spurred her forward, past the top of the stairs.

Someone stood just in front of the window, looking out onto the ruins with their back towards Theo. They wore a black cloak, its cape brushing against the stone floor as it obscured the individual’s identity.

As Theo drew near, they made no effort to look back and see who was there; as far as Theo could tell, they didn’t even seem to recognize she was there. With only a few feet between them, Theo opened her mouth and took a deep breath, ready to speak–

“...So…” The figure turned around, hands adorned with runes reaching out from beneath the cloak to lower the hood and reveal themselves to Theo. “... You are alive.”

Theo knew that voice like she knew her own name.

Ravenna stood before Theo, piercing lavender eyes filled with ice as she regarded her younger sister. Inky black hair tumbled over her shoulder, stopping just below her chest. Despite the lack of light, her skin cast a soft glow.

“Rae—“ Theo took a jarring step forward, only for her sister to step back.

“After all this time, you wander back here.” A bitter laugh escaped the elder sister. “What, are you here to save the day? We needed that years ago.”

“No, Rae–” Theo tried, “I had no idea—“

“No idea – what, we would still be here? Still fighting?” Ravenna spat, taking another step back. “Of course you wouldn’t - you brought this on us, why would you bother to try and fix it?”

She was the curse.

“No, Rae, please–” Theo extended a hand to her sister, desperate to plead her case. “I’m trying to get back so I can help–”

And in the dark I can feel your heartbeat I tried to find the sound But then it stopped And I was in the darkness So darkness I became

Theo awoke with a jolt, drenched in sweat and gasping for air. The sudden movement sent a wave of aches rolling through her limbs while her pounding heart throbbed between her temples.

Dreams of Aneterra were nothing new, but the nightmare was different from anything she had seen before. This wasn’t seeing the world from someone else’s perspective, or watching like a third party; it was as if she had actually been there.

It was just a nightmare. It was just a nightmare - she had experienced plenty of them before. It didn’t take a witch to know that this wasn’t a premonition or a vision - this was a manifestation of her worst fears. There was no reason to give this particular nightmare any merit - her anxieties were unfounded, at least according to Memere.

But this one felt particularly vivid, and it was hard to shake.

Just the thought of her sister’s anger brought another round of overwhelming nausea. Throwing off the covers, Theo nearly tripped over herself as she bolted for the bathroom. She shoved the door open and stumbled inside, wincing at the crash of the door handle slamming against the wall. Collapsing to the bathroom floor, she barely managed to get her head over the toilet before throwing up.

Despite the minuscule amount of bile, she continued to retch and gag for a couple minutes; it was as though her body was convinced something else was still in there, even though there was absolutely no way in hell that Theo hadn’t already emptied her stomach many times over.

Completely spent, Theo closed her eyes and slumped against the toilet, temple pressing against the cool porcelain of the tank. Even without her eyes open, the ground beneath her tilted and swayed like she was on a boat during stormy seas.

God, she was a mess.

“Are you alright?”

Theo’s head snapped up towards the voice, only for her to wrench her eyes shut and groan as a fresh round of misery bashed in her skull. When the worst of it passed, Theo cracked her eyes open, blearily peering up through the dark to find Loki standing in her bathroom, staring at her as if she was a ghost.

“What’re you doing here?” The question slipped out, her exhaustion and malaise resulting in a far too blunt delivery.

“I had been on my way to the sitting room when I heard crashing come from inside your quarters; when you did not respond to my knocking, I grew worried and came inside…”

It took a moment for Theo to register what Loki had said, but when it finally clicked, she burst into uncontrollable tears.

I took the stars from my eyes And then I made a map And knew that somehow I could find my way back Then I heard your heart beating You were in the darkness too So I stayed in the darkness with you…

Of all the things Loki expected in life, attempting to console a truly distraught Theo at three in the morning while sitting on her bathroom floor was nowhere among them.

And yet, that was exactly where he found himself - cross-legged on the marble tile as he cradled Theo in his lap, her face buried in his chest as she wept with such vigor that her entire body shook.

Loki replayed the series of events that led to his present position.

Like many nights, it began because of his inability to sleep. What was rare, however, was that his insomnia was not the result of some night terror, some monster that left his mind running in circles as if it were a dog chasing its tail.

No, he had been quite content when he settled into his bed, his well-worn copy of The Eye of the World in hand for some light reading. Yet, instead of dozing off to thoughts of Moiraine Damodred and her search for the Dragon Reborn, his mind wandered back to the attack on the Met Gala.

Theo had been the only one to successfully defeat one of the mystery beings that had been discovered, revealing an ability to control the shadow creatures that continued to antagonize Midgard. The carnage left behind, however, indicated that the being proved to be quite a challenge - beyond the mess in the gallery, Theo walked away from the exchange with no shortage of wounds that would require a healer to address.

Still, she hadn’t returned to the tower with the other Avengers. Instead, she insisted on ensuring her beloved actor was safe and seeing if any victims needed care - all the while acting as if she herself was not actively bleeding from multiple parts of her body.

Selfless, stubborn creature.

From there, his mind shifted to the being who had wrought such havoc. In the immediate aftermath of the attack, there had not been much opportunity to examine the corpse before it was whisked away by SHIELD agents for further study; what he had been able to discern remained fairly generic. Humanoid in form, though the shriveled appearance of their flesh gave the impression of some type of undead creature. Spider-like black veins stretched beneath their skin, as if they had been poisoned or cursed in some manner.

Yet, he hadn’t seen anything quite like it.

At that point, Loki accepted his fate: he was nowhere near sleeping.

With that in mind, he scoured his book shelves for one of the tomes he rescued from Asgard during Ragnarok - one that he referenced from time to time, usually when SHIELD requested his insight regarding creatures that Midgard had never seen before. Leatherbound book in hand, Loki began the familiar venture to the sitting room for a sleepless night of research.

Until heavy, syncopated footsteps and a muffled crash from the next room over stopped Loki dead in his tracks.

A heavy thud, as if multiple heavy objects had been dropped simultaneously, followed. The sound came from within Theo’s quarters - a realization which only brought an increased pulse and a festering sense of dread.

Loki approached her door, rapping his knuckles on the dark wood. “Theo?”

He pressed his ear to the door, listening for any signs of movement. If he strained, he thought he heard some sound - coughing, maybe? - but nothing indicating movement.

A twist of the doorknob indicated that it had not been locked. Before he fully thought the decision through, Loki pressed the door open. He slipped inside, carefully navigating the pitch black as he began to search for Theo.

Though Theo’s space was never perfectly clean, the sitting room appeared as if nothing had been knocked over or disturbed. The sense of urgency grew as he explored further, knowing that such a racket followed by such silence never had benign origins.

A painful-sounding retch came from the direction of Theo’s bathroom, followed by a groan.

Loki strode towards the sound, careful to remain quiet in case something foul was afoot.

He rounded the corner to find the bathroom door wide open, revealing Theo hunched over the basin of the toilet as if she had just been sick to her stomach.

The pieces fell into place - he must have heard her running to the restroom and throwing the door open.

When she finished, she slumped down a bit, eyes closed as she laid her head along the seat, breathing as if she had finished a grueling training routine.

Though Theo had clearly showered since her return, she somehow appeared even worse for wear than the last time Loki saw her. Her complexion rivaled that of a ghost. Her eyes, though closed, appeared red and swollen, lashes glistening despite the darkness. Wrinkled pajamas twisted around her body in a rather unnatural fashion; combined with an absolutely disheveled braid, Loki guessed she’d been tossing and turning in her sleep.

Loki stood there for a moment, completely dumbfounded. Should he say something? What would he say? After waiting this long, would it scare her? Would saying something make things worse? If he didn’t say something, would she think he was a creep? Should he just leave?

At one point, he stopped himself and nearly laughed. He was Loki, of Asgard. How a Midgardian would react to him should not have been of concern.

However, this was no ordinary Midgardian.

He drew in a deep breath.

“Are you alright?”

The way Theo’s head shot up confirmed she had no clue he was there, or at least he had startled her. A brief moment of horror flashed across her face, only for a grimace to take hold as she clutched her head and groaned.

Loki cursed himself for startling her with such a pointless question - of course she was unwell, she would not be in such a position otherwise.

Theo lifted her head once more and cracked her eyes open, squinting up at Loki as she blinked slowly. Something about her gaze seemed… Off.

“What’re you doin’ here?” The question came out half-mumbled and a bit slurred; she listed back and forth ever-so-slightly, almost like she could not keep her balance.

“I had been on my way to the sitting room when I heard crashing come from inside your quarters,” Loki replied, frowning at Theo. “When you did not respond to my knocking, I grew worried and came inside…”

Unsure of how to conclude his statement, Loki trailed off, running his fingers through his hair.

The predicament he found himself in was well outside of his area of expertise; comforting people was something Maximoff was far better with. He briefly debated leaving to fetch the Scarlet Witch – she would know the perfect solution in a moment like this. Yet, Loki remained frozen in place, mind reeling over how to proceed. Should he try to locate a healer? Should he try to soothe her? Should he leave her alone?

The silence stretched as Loki stared at her, frantically running through different ideas in his head and dismissing them for all the reasons they might not work. Loki found himself frozen, unable to make up his mind about what he should do.

In turn, Theo simply sat there, blinking slowly as she stared up at Loki…

… Until her face crumpled and she caved in on herself, a small, hitched breath giving way to a heartbroken sob.

Such a desolate sound had no place falling from Theo’s lips.

Spurred to action by Theo’s tears, Loki lowered himself to sit on the floor beside her. He may have been an Avenger, but he certainly was not a perfect hero. Despite bravery being in the job description, he had to dig up the last of his courage to pull her into what he hoped would be a comforting embrace.

At the new touch, Theo tensed, gasping quietly as her trembling hands flew up to cover her mouth and stifle her cries.

Loki froze.

Yet again, Theo had startled, all because of him. Loki cursed himself - of course he would make a mess of what should have been a simple interaction. With his luck, she wouldn't have a thing to do with him after tonight.

It was too far to turn back now; after all, in for a penny, in for a pound.

Just before Loki lost his ambition and pulled away, Theo settled beneath his touch, shifting so her face pressed firmly against his chest; hot tears dampened the knit fabric of his shirt as she somehow began to cry even harder. Her arms slipped around his waist, clinging to him despite the way her entire body shook.

Loki cupped one hand to Theo’s neck, the pad of his thumb slowly brushing against her unusually heated skin. This time, Theo did not recoil or freeze at the change, instead melting into the touch.

Perhaps there was hope.

Motivated by a surge of courage, Loki shifted from simply holding Theo close to tracing gentle, unhurried circles along her back.

With every new circle, the smallest hint of tension slipped from Theo’s muscles; as more of her body relaxed into Loki’s embrace, her cries slowed and grew softer. Even when Theo had loosened her grip and the only sounds she made were shaky, slow breaths, Loki had no intention of stopping his ministrations.

“Theo?” He murmured, nose brushing against her hair as he looked down at her.

“M’m s’rry…” With her face fully buried in Loki’s shirt, Theo’s almost embarrassed response came out almost charmingly muffled; however, she made no effort to move.

“It’s alright.” Loki used the hand on Theo’s neck to sweep her messy braid aside, flattening his cool palm against the overheated flesh. “I take it you do not feel well?”

She weakly shook her head. “Feel Awful.”

“How about I help you to your bed so you can get some rest?”

“No, please – I can’t – ” The force with which Theo shook her head the second time caught Loki by surprise, as did the rising panic in her tone. “– Can’t go back–”

“Darling, you need rest if you’re to feel better,” Loki gently tried to rationalize, though if the heat radiating from Theo was any indication, her ability to rationalize likely had been impacted by some level of a fever. “The floor is no place for someone who is ill. You ought to rest in bed.”

“Not mine,” Theo begged, ”I can’t–”

“Would you like me to bring you to the infirmary so you might rest there?”

Theo shook her head, tightening her arms around Loki.

“I’m not sure what other options there are, as I do not think I can bring bring you to your actor—“

“Broke up.” A new pair of damp spots on Loki’s shirt accompanied the two-word interruption, punctuated by a sniffle.

“Pardon?”

Theo blindly reached to the side, drawing Loki’s eye to her mobile. He unfurled one arm to retrieve it for her. Theo didn’t even pull away from Loki to look at what she was doing as she unlocked the device before handing it back. Loki accepted, eyes scanning across the screen.

The most recent of Theo’s voice messages was from her lover, not long after the events at the Met Gala. White, hot fury shot through Loki’s veins as he read the transcription; despite what Loki had been told of the Midgardian’s supposed kindness, the message he left Theo was short, blunt, lacking any sense of care for the recipient. If anything, it was downright cruel.

Perhaps it was for the best that Loki needed to ensure Theo was cared for first, as he otherwise might have tracked the bastard down and made him regret his callous behavior. The first thing to sort out, however, was where she might be amenable to resting, since her bed and the infirmary were, for some unknown reason, unacceptable.

An idea came to mind; though it might cause others to talk, it was, up to that point, the best he could manage without waking anyone else and dragging them into the conversation.

“How about you come with me to my quarters?” Loki cautiously suggested. “You can rest there for a while, then decide later if you’d like to return to your own bed or seek out the infirmary. Would that work?”

A slow, almost sleepy nod brought a swell of tenderness to Loki’s chest and a soft smile to his face.

Loki carefully adjusted to cradle Theo in his arms before slowly rising to his feet. In what almost seemed to be instinct, Theo pressed her forehead into space between Loki’s shoulder and the crook of his neck, letting out a strained breath before settling in. Though Loki had already established the presence of a fever, it wasn’t until carrying Theo that he noticed she was not simply trembling, but downright shivering.

Careful not to jostle Theo as he navigated the tower in the dark, Loki made the return journey to his quarters with restrained haste, relying on his Seidr to help with managing doors and other environmental obstacles that otherwise could have slowed or complicated the process of getting Theo to bed.

Upon arriving in his own quarters, the dim, golden glow from a nearby lamp provided the first opportunity to take in Theo’s appearance under any sort of light; Loki paused for a moment to confirm his prior assessments regarding Theo’s condition. Much of what he discerned in the dark remained accurate, though he did find the smallest relief that it seemed she had fallen asleep while in transit and appeared almost peaceful… Were it not for the tell-tale signs of tears previously being shed, one might have been fooled into believing all was well.

With a hushed sigh, Loki brought her from the great room to his bedchambers. A flick of one finger and shimmer of emerald seidr later, Loki lowered Theo onto the bed, carefully tucking her beneath the silken sheets and the plush duvet which Loki had crafted from the finest Asgardian textiles, pausing for a moment when a soft, breathy hum snuck out of Theo and she shifted, snuggling further beneath the covers.

A few minutes later, Loki had placed a bin beside the bed in the event Theo became sick to her stomach once more, procured a glass of water and set it on the closest nightstand, and drawn the drapes shut so the morning light would not wake her.

With nothing else to distract him, Loki now had to answer the question he had yet to consider: where was he going to sleep?

The proper answer, of course, would be to find alternate sleeping arrangements, lest anyone make inappropriate assumptions about the circumstances.

But doing so meant leaving Theo by herself, essentially abandoning her when she was in the midst of a particularly vulnerable moment. Surely, she would understand if he remained close by; after all, she trusted him up until this moment, enough to abandon her own quarters in favor of staying in his. Besides, he had stayed with her once before when she felt unwell. Precedent had been set to ensure no one mistook him for less than noble intentions, given the circumstances.

Yet, as Loki crawled beneath the covers on the opposite side of the bed, the distance still felt as if he were abandoning her. What if she woke up, delirious from fever, did not see him beside her, and panicked at the lack of familiar surroundings? If Theo laid with him, Loki would know the moment she woke and could ensure she had whatever she needed; even better, he could use his Jötun heritage for benevolent means, combining it with his seidr to reduce his core temperature so he could serve as a sort of full-body cool compress.

Amidst warring thoughts, the weight of an arm draped across his chest ripped Loki from his indecision. Theo had rolled over in her sleep, curling into Loki’s side with her head resting atop the dip between shoulder and chest and one leg wrapped around his as if second nature. She nuzzled into him, oblivious to the waking world, her breath slow and deep in contrast to Loki’s racing heart.

For a moment, Loki found himself dumbstruck by just how natural it felt to lay with her tucked into his side in such a manner. In her most vulnerable moments, she found solace in his presence. In her sleep, she sought him out. And though he could make any multitude of excuses as to why - she was not aware who she curled herself around, she was not of sound mind from illness - the excuses did nothing to dispel the pure awe that resulted from realizing the trust Theo placed in him.

In the morning, he would locate Maximoff and determine how to proceed; until then, he would embrace the trust placed in him, and hopefully repay it tenfold.

He willed his seidr to work, cooling himself to offer Theo some relief from her fever, then allowed himself to drift into a pleasant sleep.

The stars, the moon, They have all been blown out You left me in the dark No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight In the shadow of your heart

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vivi-the-goblin · 1 year ago

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Oh hey I actually made a thing again, who would've thought. I've been making some stuff for a new adventure, trying to make the monsters in both 5e AND PF2e. Gonna start doing that from now on, best of both worlds I guess. It's my first ever PF2e monsters though, I hope you like! Here's the associated video first.

The Priest I think has the most interesting abilities despite relative simplicity for a spellcaster. The area I'm putting him in has an effect that randomly swaps the party members around every round, which combined with his ability to swap with other party members will make for a fun fight. I know some of his spell list isn't divine, and there's a reason! He's a devout of Sivanah, whose domain is all about secrets and illusions and tricks. In 1e her illusionist followers were said to mimic divine healing using Shadow Magic. Shadow magic's gimmick is that disbelieving it makes it barely real. I wanted to reference that here, he's actually an arcane caster able to mimic Divine Magic. This includes his "Belief Manifest" ability, basically allowing him to replicate any spell as long as the target believes he can do it.

The Oilslick Spiders you may remember from last year, I touched them up to be a bit more interesting. Nothing too special though, I was mainly just practicing using a monster I'm familiar with.

And here's Amy, the wildfire witch! She was kicked out her town as a child for being an uncontrollable little wild magic sorceress, but now she's back and out for REVENGE. On the first version, the "miraculous escape" is for lore reasons and help her reach stage 2 later in the path. Originally when the priest tried to kill her, her wild magic kicked in to warp her away at the last second. So she developed magic to recreate that moment if neccessary.

In the big version, the "new enchanted form," she's all about that AOE and burning difficult terrain. I really like wildfire primal mages if you haven't noticed. The 5e version is focused more on slowing the party, the PF2e version is focusing her efforts on setting everything ablaze. Less outright danger, but good luck if you go down with that persistent damage. Did mention I got the idea of this adventure from Aviator's Scarlet Vow? Inspiration can come from anywhere! Especially from Aviators, an artist I've followed for...11 years now, holy shit. Somehow still hasn't made a song I didn't like.

youtube

#dnd 5e #youtube #dnd #5e d&d #pathfinder #dnd 5e homebrew #5e homebrew #dnd ideas

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dolceaspidenera · 1 year ago

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Vesuvia Weekly: Apprentice and LI Dynamics

Decided to throw my hat in since I came up with so much material in my head about my apprentice, Venere, and then realized I never posted anything, poor girl has been sitting on the bench for so long like “Am I a joke to you?”

@iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia Thank you for coming up with these prompts, I had fun doing this!

(I also mixed a bit of poetry in these hcs because I love it so much. Unfortunately, I suck at it, so don't mind too much of what I call my wordy farts)

VENERE x JULIAN – In a nutshell? The overly flirty, bisexual disaster that we all know meets a very practical and unimpressed girl (also, tall lanky man x small menace). What could go wrong?

A whirlwind. She’s swept away by it. Masks and play, it’s easier that way. A feverish dance, a push and pull, like sea waves. Backtracking, pacing, restlessness. The mind never stops and thinks and thinks and thinks. Where do you see value? You should leave but you are under my skin. Chasing shadows, facing gallows He can only be a martyr, the guilt takes its toll as the bell tolls The rope is made of faults and the executioner is called love. Now there are more hurts, and another love turns into flaming anger. How can she make him see? Gentleness, understanding, calm. We are in this together. Always.

Julian enters her life like a hurricane and turns it upside down. She is swept off her feet by his energy, but she is also sharp enough to see through him.

They have a rocky start. Julian is kind of intimidated, kind of intrigued, obviously his answer is to double down on the flirting.

Venere is… You guessed it: unimpressed. Don’t be fooled though, she is actually quite charmed, she likes Julian, but she needs her time to feel comfortable around new people. In the meantime, she has one of the biggest resting bitch faces ever.

Most of their early interactions involve Julian aggressively flirting and Venere blushing internally while exteriorly maintaining a deadpan expression.

Julian inevitably starts to question everything; does she find him so ugly? Does she find him annoying? Should he hide in the hole and never come up again? The poor man doesn’t know what to do.

Once they clear the air and Venere feels more comfortable, is when her true character starts to shine. She is passionate and has a fiery temper, which is good most of the time, but also means she tends to react with anger to upsetting situations. Julian is much better and practiced at controlling his anger and is a good counterweight to Venere.

This is also when the table turns and Venere starts shamelessly flirting with Julian. The poor doctor is a blushing mess.

She is ready to give him an earful whenever he is acting foolish, and she is not afraid of calling him out on his bullshit, but she also learns to be very patient with him. She is determined to make him understand that he is loved, and she is always there to remind him of what an incredible, beautiful man he is.

He teases her about her magic jargon, calling it her whimsical gibberish, she teases him for his medical fancy terms and most of all his unreadable writing.

When it comes to their respective work fields, they had to learn to communicate effectively; Julian is more comfortable with tangible and concrete things, while Venere tends to think in more abstract ways. Over time they learned to come together and communicate clearly.

They are actually a very good team. Venere is trying to implement Julian’s extensive knowledge of medicine with her magic, making medicines more effective and trying to come up with spells that can accelerate the healing process.

She is much more introverted than him, so she is always happy to let him handle social situations and let her full glorious resting bitch face shine while he charms his way out.

Their differences in social battery also mean that Venere needs her moments of solitude to recharge. The first few times it happened Julian panicked; was it something he said? After a much-needed conversation, he understands. Now, when she needs time alone, he goes to the Rowdy Raven or stops by to see Portia and Mazelinka.

Venere loves singing and dancing and Julian often accompanies her with his vielle. There's always music in their home.

After a period of travel, they settle down in Vesuvia and adopt a dog. Venere takes over her magic shop and Julian opens his clinic.

Their favourite moment is in the evening when, after a day of work, it’s finally time for a long, relaxing cuddle session. Julian wraps his arms around Venere and gives her one of his all-encompassing hugs and they snuggle on the sofa. They always say they’ll go to bed early but end up falling asleep like this.

RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER CHARACTERS:

ASRA

Complicated. Abandonment. Hurt. Mistakes. Easier to run, easier to avoid. She doesn’t understand. He doesn’t know how to explain. The past is a heavy burden of memories forgotten and others that would have been best to let rest. Only a half of what once was whole, but what has been broken cannot be repaired, you learn to live with what remains. You learn to live again.

Her relationship with Asra is very complicated.

There were a lot of hurt and misunderstandings. He kept disappearing without explanation and she never understood.

But the truth runs way, way deeper.

After everything is out in the open, they have many conversations.

After clearing up everything they share one of those incredibly rare and deep friendships.

They are family. They will always be there for each other and always root for each other happiness.

NADIA

Loneliness. The princess is trapped at the top of the tower, but the dragon is in her head, the dragon is everywhere around her. Judging eyes, power struggles, impossible expectations, who can you trust? Elegance, perfectionism, strength, intuition. She is many things, but most of all she is Nadia. Most of all, she needs someone to see it.

Nadia is… Well, she is Nadia! She is awesome!

Venere’s first impression was of someone very lonely. Although a bit intimidated, she took a liking to her very quickly.

In time, they cultivate a very profound friendship.

They chat about magic, and Venere always knows who to ask for fashion tips.

Most of all she knows who to turn to when she needs sound advice.

She has deep admiration for Nadia, she doesn’t know how someone can always look so perfect and in control and make appear so easy everything she does. But she is also there to remind Nadia that it’s okay to slip occasionally, and letting go sometimes feels good!

MURIEL

Gentle, coy, reserved. Violent scars on a delicate soul. Does a tree make noise when it falls in the forest? It’s easier to forget but if everyone forgets, were you even ever there? Long silences can become deafening in loneliness. And yet, when you start to listen you realize there is so much more life around you. Small details you usually don’t catch. It’s always in the details.

Muriel and Venere have one of those friendships that don’t require many words. They are content to spend time together, enjoying each other company in a relaxed silence.

When Venere needs some reprieve, she knows she can accompany Muriel on his walks around the forest and she loves being immersed in nature.

Venere adores Inanna, she gives the best belly rubs to the best of girls.

They spend time enjoying the quiet of Muriel’s hut and he allows her to feed the chickens! One of Venere’s favourite activities.

If someone bothers Muriel, despite Venere being much, much smaller than him, she is the one to fly into a rage and put the offender in their place. Has anyone never told them not to provoke a magician?

Venere often comes to visit him and brings him lots of baked goods to taste. She is still learning to cook decently, so not everything comes out exactly as intended. He still eats everything without batting an eye, probably to be polite.

PORTIA

Bubbly energy. Movement, flow, a tidal wave. Hunger for adventure, but she is always left behind. There is worth in the work you do but sometimes the work becomes all you are worth. There is more under the surface, you are allowed to slow down. You always have value.

Portia is Venere’s adopted little sister. She loves her energy and positivity and is always happy to pass the ball when Julian needs a good kick in the shin.

They have a book club now. They take it very seriously and religiously make time each week to sit down together to discuss stories and characters.

To the delight of Julian, Venere teaches her magic. He has a small panic attack when she accidentally sets a tree on fire. Luckily, Portia is an eager student and recovers very quickly without further fiery incidents.

In return, Portia tries to teach Venere to bake, with varying degrees of success. She is trying, okay? Luckily, most of her culinary experiments are still appreciated by Julian, Asra and Muriel.

When Portia feels like going on an adventure, she always knows who to call for.

LUCIO

Cold metal spikes all around. Hurt others before they can hurt him. Mistakes, regrets, there’s much to learn. Pride is always the mask shame wears, covering itself with sparkly meaningless.

Let’s say that she doesn’t take well of Lucio hurting her loved ones. When she discovers what he did to Julian she is furious.

In an alternative universe, she would be more than happy to be his friend. She believes in second chances and respects his willingness to be better.

Lucio ends up relying a lot on her when he makes an “Opsie” and needs someone to help him fix it.

With time, he gets better at handling his mistakes and learns how powerful accountability can be.

She isn’t one for big parties, but the rare times she needs some tips on the subject she can always count on Lucio.

When she needs to let out some steam, she knows he is the guy to go to. He has always a good monster on the list ready to chase, or some other adventure to go, Portia can come too!

#Definitely not my highest writing moment but I had fun and that's the point - no?#vesuvia weekly #MC/LI dynamics #the arcana #the arcana game #julian devorak #ilya devorak #asra alnazar #nadia satrinava #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #lucio morgasson #OC: Venere #the arcana headcanons #my wordy farts #my writing

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scribeofskyrim · 2 months ago

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Middas, 18th of Last Seed, 4E 201

Good gods, I need a bath.

I woke up and I ache all over but worse – I smell like a bucket of mudcrab shells and fish heads that got left out in the sun.

That would be the blood, I guess. I didn’t sleep in my armor, but I know I’ve got… Stuff in my hair. I was too tired to clean up much last night, so I’ll have to ask Gerdur where the bath house is.

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There’s no bath house.

Not just in Riverwood, but… In all of Skyrim. Bath houses aren’t a thing here. She said there were hot springs in places, but that’s it. You either bathe somewhere outside – the water has little bits of ICE in it – or you bathe in a little wooden tub with water you heat over the fire.

Luckily, she took pity on me and kicked the boys out while we took turns with the tub. She was intrigued by the idea of bath houses, though. Hopefully I convinced her to build one.

At least now I’m presentable enough to sell off the loot I gathered and get myself something to eat. I don’t want to impose on Gerdur any more than I have to. I’m sure I can get some real clothes and some warm gear to keep out the chill. She offered me some of hers, but I assured her that I had plenty to trade for my own. Besides, I’m not built for this climate. I’m sure the thin cloak she offered me is enough for her, but it felt like a bedsheet to me.

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So… Today was eventful! I’m writing this from somewhere on the mountain on my way to Bleak Falls Barrow.

When I left the house I found a dead body wearing fancy clothes laying the street. People seemed understandably shocked, but for the most part left it alone. I took everything I could off the poor man and headed to the blacksmith.

His name is Alvor, and we made some small talk while we traded. Nice guy, if a bit rough; he offered me the use of his forge should I need it. He explained to me that Gerdur’s family founded the town a long time ago.

Once I was outfitted, I went to the Sleeping Giant Inn for some food. The lady who ran it (I assumed) was yelling at the barkeep about the ale going stale. Guess what I did not order.

I just bought an apple, instead. I asked about the alchemy table in the corner and Orgnar, the barkeep, said I could use it so long as I picked up after myself. Told me a little weed and blisterwort makes a healing potion! I’ll have to try that out.

There’s not much growing wild in the City, so while I’ve always been interested in alchemy, I haven’t had much chance to actually try out ingredients or make potions. I’ve been trying my best to grab whatever ingredients I can get my hands on since I escaped. Now that I could actually make something out of them…

Let’s just say that alchemy’s not for the squeamish. Good thing I’ve got a cast iron stomach! Years of eating the “Forever Stew” growing up saw to that. Thank you, Miss Agrippina. You taught me not to be picky, and you’re why I ate a spider egg, along with a lot of other things, with my breakfast.

After I made as many potions as I could, I chatted with Orgnar a bit more. He said that there was a little kid in Windhelm trying to contact the Dark Brotherhood! Why would a kid want to hire an assassin? Did a bully steal his sweetroll?

I asked him about magic and he told me about the College of Winterhold. True to form, he scoffed about magic blowing up the place.

Why do they only think of magic as something that explodes? I learned how to use Flames as a child, but I mostly just used it in the kitchen. Using it in the streets will get you arrested, so I’ve not had any real practice with it until I got here.

Oh, before I forget, I picked up a copy of Sparks, so I learned that one and I can do a bit of lightning damage, now!

Anyway, the lady's name is Delphine. She seems suspicious of me. I can't blame her. An Imperial asking about magic after what happened at Helgen? She’s another sharp one. She’d already heard about Ulfric’s escape, and is convinced the war will get worse.

I left to go unload the rest of my loot at the Riverwood Trader, and walked in on an argument. The shopkeep and his sister, Imperials, were arguing about a recent break-in. She wanted to recover what was stolen, but he said it wasn’t safe.

The man, Lucan, told me that the thieves made off with only one thing: a figure of a dragon’s claw made from solid gold! He offered a reward for its return, so I agreed to help get it back.

I know, I should be getting to Whiterun to talk to the jarl, but cities are expensive and I know I don’t have enough money to find a decent room once I get there.

We made our deals, and the sister, Camilla pointed out the way to Bleak Falls Barrow, where they believe the bandits are hiding.

Yes, the same way the dragon went.

I sold off the potions I’d made, but I wanted more, so I took some time to gather ingredients. I ran into a wood elf named Faendal. He made no secret of his dislike for Sven. Sven’s been sweet-talking his crush, Camilla. According to Faendel, Sven’s a lazy, self-styled bard who slacks off in his work at the mill a lot.

Faendal asked me for help wooing Camilla, and while I normally don’t like getting mixed up in relationship drama like this, I couldn’t help myself. Faendal wants me to give Camilla a fake letter from “Sven” that he wrote, so of course I said yes.

I mean, can you blame me? It’s just too juicy, like the trashy street plays the buskers put on during lunch back home.

I ran into Sven later at the Inn while I was making potions. He’s actually not half bad at music. Not half good, either. He’s got that annoying, cocky attitude that you see a lot in bards. It’s like being overconfident and boastful about your skills is a requirement.

I was tempted to show him the letter from Faendal, but then he started talking about Camilla like she already “belonged” to him. She “just has to realize it.”

Gross.

Faendal talks about Camilla like she controls the stars. I mean, she’s got fire in her, I give her that – Willing to haul her ass up here all alone and fight off who knows how many bandits to get back the claw for her brother?

I’ve met three women so far in Skyrim, and even though Camilla’s an Imperial, this place must grow them different.

I’ll give her the letter when I return with the claw. She deserves better than Sven.

I told Gerdur I was going to help out the Valerius siblings, so she gave me a waterskin and more food. She understood my motive, too. It was wise to get better equipped and fuller pockets before setting out. She’s not too confident about the Jarl, though. He's in over his head and trying to stay neutral, but that won’t last long.

After that, I started on my way up. A wolf came at me, but I set it on fire, then cleaved its skull open as soon as it got in range. I’ve never done anything like that on my own before, and it was like time slowed down. I didn’t even have to think. I just – Killed it.

Not far past the wolf I found a little tower on the side of the path. The snow got heavier, and I saw two men. I approached unarmed, hoping they were friendly, but one man drew his weapons as soon as he noticed me.

So, I backed off. I could have probably snuck past them, but it was getting late and I needed to rest and find shelter. He put his weapons away and I decided to try the bow I’d picked up. He was too far for my flames to work, anyway.

You can’t really practice archery in the streets, not unless you find an empty alley. I’ve never fired a bow before, but as it turns out, I’m not too shabby at it! The first guy went down easy, but he didn’t have a bow. The second one did, but I put my last arrow into his brain.

I guess all those nights playing darts paid off!

I took what I could – Found a knapsack on one, which is a godsend because I couldn’t afford the big backpack in town – and went into the tower. It was pretty sparse, and I thought I was safe until I ran into another man at the very top!

I’d smartly switched to my axe and flames earlier, just in case, but - Why do they run right into the fire? It’s fueled by magicka but it’s still REAL FIRE. I axed him as soon as he got in range, just like I did the wolf.

I found a decent amount of food in the tower, along with some gold and a warm fur cloak. There was even a chest up top, but they hadn’t bothered to lock it.

I’ve set up camp inside the top level. It’s a small tent, but it should do well enough.

Time for sleep.

#skyrim #writing #fiction #journal #rpg #the elder scrolls #riverwood #bleak falls barrow #tesblr #fanfic #fanfiction #bronwens journal

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valeriefauxnom · 1 year ago

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Euden's Disregard of Self - A Comprehensive Analysis

I think we all came to learn very, very quickly just how far and how often Euden will go to prioritize others over himself. So for this next rant-nalysis I'd like to address the dragon in the room of the most obvious of Euden's problems that serves as the core to most of the 'whys' he has his other problems. Consider this a sequel to part one of my completely unprompted deep-dives into Euden here!

In any case, yadda yadda, this is very long, here's a cut...

Ahem. Back to Euden. So, I'll start this off by noting that this is far from a new thing for Euden. One of the very first conversations in the game has Zethia commenting that perhaps the only reason she's good at healing magic is because Euden gives her 'so much practice'. To which I ask: so much practice how? Despite Euden occasionally being a bit mischievous and getting him and Zethia to sneak out of the castle, he's largely been confined to the castle and Sol Alberia at large. Either he had a strong tendency for clumsiness or otherwise is accident-prone, but darn. How much trouble can you find as a child prince in a castle?

Regardless of how, though, he has. And while it might've been innocent stupid fun back in childhood days, as a young adult, Euden hasn't exactly learned much.

Even as early as chapters 1 to 3, Euden makes it clear he can and will push himself beyond common sense would tell one to rest/stop, a thing that actively endangers his life.

This continues into events. All in all, Ranzal puts it quite succinctly himself in the very first event in describing his pattern of behavior:

I know early on, Euden was often ragged on for appearing to many as a generic do-gooder selfless hero, but I think he holds more interest than that, even before the whole identity crisis started getting underway.

Specifically, he's a deconstruction of what being an outrageously selfless person actually is and does to those around him. Even his behavior in his backstory essentially amounts to forsaking most all ambition in his life (though not letting himself be incompetent or a burden as that would be 'bad') as to try and preserve harmony among his family.

Again, though, present day Euden is quite the source of worry and panic for others. Gala Sarisse's story has him collapsing outright from likely overwork-induced illness. Once Cleo notices he's not keeping up the appearance he's perfectly fine, what does he do?

Is it A: Acknowledge he could use a breather B: Alert somebody that he feels faint or C: Spend his last conscious moments insisting nobody 'fuss' over him in the interest of morale? If you guessed C, you are unsurprisingly correct.

I think this is a nice segue into part of the reason why it's such a big problem for him and everyone else: it's bad enough he's so set on pushing himself so hard for everyone 24/7/365, he desperately tries to pretend he has no problems because of it. He conceals infirmity, claims he's fine when he clearly isn't, pushing himself even further beyond just in that extra effort to refuse to show weakness.

Like sister, like brother, as a very similar scenario pops up in Gala Luca's story. Every single human in the Halidom is incapacitated and only getting worse. It's far from mere personal weakness at that point. Surely that would justify a bit of rest now that you can soothe the self loathing that you're being weak? If nobody else can fight whatever is going on, why do you think you can?

And yet, Cleo quickly needs to resort to threats to physically stop him from attempting to join combat, much less even sitting up. Mitsuhide gets an honorable mention in that she convinces half the castle before Euden finds out to give him a metaphorical heart attack solely just to try and take care of himself more and be more selfish.

All in all, I think it explains a great deal of the more excess protectiveness the group has for Euden. Aside from being their leader, he's well-established that he's not going to take care of or protect himself adequately, and so they are forced to pick up the slack to keep him alive and well. I believe me or my friend once called them his minders, and yeah. That about sums it up. That and 'living child leashes for the toddler who keeps gunning for the antifreeze'.

Because when he's left to his own devices, even things as simple as trying to peel vegetables turns into orders from him to rest before he faints of blood loss. He just does not stop at any reasonable point regardless if his task is peeling veggies or saving a village.

He's a veritable menace to himself, and the others know it. Whether it's Euden throwing himself into blows for others or trying to keep every emotion he thinks isn't fitting for a leader locked down tight, Euden cannot, for the life of him, save himself. That's where they have to constantly step in to create this pseudo-Ouroboros: Euden saves them, they save him, and they can only hope that they can do so in time so the snake keeps on spinning in a loop.

And he, on some level, seems to understand his flaws and the dangers they hold. He sometimes seems like he's actively preparing the others for his own death, even in chapter six when he's telling Notte to get ready to flee with the civilians, or chapter 10 where he stresses that the fight is getting serious and might take real sacrifices including himself. Then there's exchanges like this which pop up in places like Elias' story of all places.

It's clear he more views himself as the latter in his understanding of royalty. He's coldly resigned about being 'bricks' to the future, both of his family and nation, and treats himself accordingly. In Euden's view, it's more important to use his life to protect others rather than himself.

All this is a lot of hullabaloo detailing the exact lack of self-respect and willingness to take care of himself in any capacity, but I'm also going to draw attention to how his friends react to this.

While they largely have thrown up their hands in trying to get Euden to change his selfless habits and have resigned themselves to being damage control and voices of reason, they do still understand and treat Euden's behavior as a problem.

I think it's one of the smaller underlying threads in the main story, for instance, especially after Euden forcibly calls attention to just how destructive and dangerous his tendencies are after 14 and doubly so after 15 with lines like this.

Heck, even before they had some understanding, as when Euden first starts to fold to Morsayati's offer to possess him Ranzal accuses him of "losing the last damn marble rolling around [his] head". Which. last. I dunno, to me it implies some understanding that Euden isn't exactly 'healthy' in mindset, since the typical phrase is 'lost your marbles'. Euden understands, too, he's not exactly doing the best, judging by his 'I'm fine...for now. It's the best I can do' comment. And what do they do with this?

We immediately see Ranzal, in chapter 17, contemplating leaving the party, not for good old JRPG party fight reasons born of misunderstandings and miscommunication, but because he understands how much everyone is piling on Euden's plate. So much, in fact, he's growing worried the plate will break even more than it already has started to fracture, and he hopes removing the burdens he's placing on Euden would ease the pressure.

Chapter 18, of course, brings Luca's scene with Euden. What's the main focus of that conversation, (questionably winter-ready clothes aside)? Trying to insist to Euden that he is allowed to not be 100% all the time, and encouraging him to rely on them. To be a bit more invested in pursuing more personal desires aside from 'saving others'.

Even in chapter 19, Chelle steps up to the plate in this scene:

Chelle, spymaster always looking for the truth and details, understands well enough even in their short time close together that Euden was teetering on a precipice from which there might not be a return to offer him a last-minute out. She's concerned enough about whatever behaviors he's been exhibiting on the side or those others shared that she's offering to throw away the answer to a subject of great interest and one they've spent valuable time and difficulty on reaching this point.

This is getting way too long already even if I said this would be comprehensive, so I'll try to wrap it up here soon. Still, I think it's interesting how a not-insubstantial amount of time was devoted to showing the darker consequences of Euden's personality and slowly trying to give him therapy.

As a last note, I'd like to point to the JP only story writers' (there were 3!) interview here. Standard disclaimer I do not understand Japanese and am relying on translation, but I think this is pretty clear cut in this instance given the consistency and clarity of the themes they are discussing.

In it, writer Muneyuki states: "...I was conscious of writing a story about Eudiel (Euden's JP name), who realizes that even though he lost his title as a prince, he was still loved by everyone and seen as a person." and later that "I hoped that users would sympathize with and be encouraged by the sight of Eudiel starting again as a 'human' instead of a prince."

While it's not quite directly related to the essay before it, I do think it shares a connection to my points above. For all of his life, Euden has taught to put others above himself, whether it be for friends, his country, or his family. He's cultivated a huge mess of tangled issues about how he derives his own self worth in others, the 'duty' to be as perfect a leader possible to live up to his luminaries, and generally be the face and heart of a ragtag group of people trying to pull together a country in war. During the story, all that shatters as one piece of glass hits several of these tangled knots in one go.

Now he had to start finding an answer for who he is aside from his relations to others, what he wants. An identity aside from being a prince in service to others. Maybe, if I'm stretching, something beyond his compulsory self-sacrificial tendencies potentially sowed and wrought by virtue of being the selfless part of a god's heart. He's having to develop into his own person who can live for himself.

And that's the crux of his issues that were ultimately a surprise to no one. But they stuck around to protect and guide as they ever-so-slowly tried to encourage him to that better frame of mind and behavior because they cared. In essence: yet another of Dragalia's themes was 'the slow burn of trying to get someone recklessly self-destructive to stop and live for himself'.

In short short: Dragalia is about self care and learning to love yourself. It's just too bad it takes so much to get there, but I suppose to get to a peak there's a long steep climb, huh?

#Yurius: “You must put your retainers through a significant amount of anguish” YES #Euden in the epilogue: “Oh I'm nobody special just some fellow-” DON'T YOU START THIS AGAIN #Jokes aside Euden's very good at appearing simple but he's very much the iceberg picture only showing a bit of himself as the rest lurks.#I don't recall being particularly struck by him in any way when Dragalia was first getting off the ground. But then. Something clicked.#dragalia analysis #dragalia lost #character analysis

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dragongutsixofficial · 1 year ago

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Whenever I work with Byleth I have her be crap at magic.

Couldn't tell you why, I think she's quite good with everything else. Preference for the swords. Her being crap at magic just speaks to me I guess. She tries so hard at white magic though. All she wants is to be able to help her kiddos if they get hurt! She does get it eventually, but it is a struggle to get there. It'd be her budding talent I guess.

So anyway I was curious, how's Siyn on the weapons aptitude front? What's their boon and bane, if they got one?

(Assuming that is what Awakening calls it...)

HEY remember this ask ??? I've finally finished it !!! =D

Hehehe that's very interesting and also is gonna allow me to dive a little deeper into the physical manifestation of Siyn's character development.

First things first, when I first created Siyn, I decided it'd be interesting to translate some of the ways i played in-game to how her abilities would evolve. Right off the bat, i could see a few things i always did:

start with a sword as her main weapon

and immediately start practicing the bow on the side because archers are some of my favorite units ever thanks to Takumi.

This usually meant that by the time the timeskip rolled around, she was proficient enough in both weapons.

After timeskip though, I most always have a realization that although as the Enlightened One she should be able to do magic I haven't done sh*t in that regard.

This means that a significant part of the timeskip is spent working on her magic abilities, whether offensive or defensive (but mostly offensive since I have a number of well-prepped healers by that point)

So I had a few things to work with and with time she grew a lot. In the end, here's what I came up with, some of it purposefully, some of it not.

Siyn isn't the best at magic in general, and she doesn't necessarily try to be either. At best, she knows a healing spell or two, but nothing much.

However, Siyn loves tea, and drinks a lot of it.

What does that have to do with anything I hear you ask ? Well, as someone who drank a lot of tea before Byleth was even around and saw them as my kin because of said heavy consumption of warm tasty heavenly liquid, I know for a fact that I spend my time forgetting I've got a cup somewhere and by the time I remember it, it's cold. And I thought, it'd be very sad if Siyn was condemned to drinking cold tea for the rest of her life. So, I decided I'd give her the ability to warm her cup of tea with a really minor fire spell; nothing concretely usef on the battlefield. I came to really like this little detail about her because that is something she learnt to do entirely for herself, just because: which is important in Byleth's journey of self-discovery and an act of self-love. At that time, i didn't really think anything more of it.

In the end however, Siyn ended up blowing way out of proportion and out of my control. In particular, her identity crisis and conflict with Rhea made her a far more emotional character than I had anticipated- but she doesn't always know how to process emotions that strong.

She started using a bit of her fire magic on the battlefield, mostly as a way to enhance the damage dealt by her weapons or simply her fists. However, this didn't mean that it had to go any further. Until.

I think the anguish or concern she feels for her students would eventually make her snap and send her into an unimaginable state of anger and sorrow- and she'd want to burn those responsible for their suffering to a crisp, until the only thing left are ashes. And since fire needs to be incredibly hot in order to completely consume a corpse...

... This would eventually lead her to master blue fire (2500°C to 3000°C).

However, it's only after she finally comes to terms with her own nature and identity that she finally manages to master fire magic entirely, by making white fire (which the internet has told me is the hottest but I can't find it anymore, and even if it ain't it's a fantasy universe so i can do what i want), which is reminiscent of the Enlightened One's color scheme at the very moment she "becomes human again"- signifying her acceptance of both parts of herself.

#inter dragon discussions #sorry for the delay TvT

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queenpiranhadon · 11 months ago

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A/N: Teehee I actually love this chapter- it's so cute 🥰 This chapter is written by the lovely Nyota (@labaguetteisdabest). You can find the masterlist here

Warning(s): Injured animal, almost murder, blood, injuries, fighting, espyn-animal hybrids, cursing, the usual

Pairing(s): Kaepex

Good gods, those bandages are itchy.

How in the world did I wear that dress when I was younger?

I reach for my dagger and sheath it, forcing myself not to scratch my back

unless I want to feel ungodly levels of pain.

“Hey, Apex,” Kaeda says. I turn to her.

“What?” I didn’t mean for it to sound snarky, but it does, and Kaeda rolls her silver-blue eyes.

“Where’d you get that dagger?”

“Oh. Follow me.”

I stroll down the halls I’d been running down merely two days ago, dragging the ice princess behind me.

When we reach the armory, her breathing is heavy.

I realize it’s a day that would be hot for people not used to Fujimura weather... especially for people from Khaenpanii.

“Are you okay?”

She glares at me and tosses her frizzy hair behind her shoulder. “Fujimura weather is Khaenpanii summer on steroids. Does it seem like I’m good with this weather?”

“I’m sorry you’re comfortable with temperatures that would otherwise freeze an espyn. It’s not like I’d do much better in Khaenpanii’s wintry climate,” I retort.

“Gods, you are insufferable.” Kaeda sighs. “Let me get a weapon and we’ll be on our merry way.”

She turns away without another word.

How the hell are we supposed to try to get along if she keeps walking away like that?! I think exasperatedly.

I lean against the cold stone wall and wait as Kaeda picks out a weapon.

After waiting for what felt like ages, she comes back with a light brown bow and a darker brown quiver filled with silver-tipped arrows. The quiver has little runes carved into it, probably being written in the Ancient Script.

I wish I could read it. Then I could tell if the bow’s cursed and tell Kaeda the opposite and let her have the cursed bow.

I raise an eyebrow. “Long-range?”

Little Miss Flawless nods. “A bow is what I was trained with, so a bow is what I’ll use.”

I shrug. “You do you, I guess.” I don’t find bows practical, but for the sake of Dodomi, I’ll try to get along with her.

If she won’t, I will.

We walk through the halls of Burgunjax Palace together one last time before going off to save the continent.

“So, where are we going?” I ask, realizing we hadn’t talked about it.

Kaeda has a determined light in her sparkling eyes. “I was thinking about that earlier. Where in Dodomian history are problems solved or fixed with magic?”

It’s almost like a flame sparked on in my brain. “Cör! The place where all the gods have a shrine! Including the one who could heal all of Dodomi! Gods, I wouldn’t have thought of that.”

Kaeda’s cheeks turn rosy. “I figured it was the place that made the most sense.”

“But... Thanirrh is the god of healing, and we need to heal everyone who’s infected, right?” I point out. “So shouldn’t we go to Hydeau?”

“That’s true...” Kaeda muses. “We can go to Cör first and follow Guna River if the way to heal everyone isn’t in Cör.”

I nod in agreement. A sudden warmth spreads through my body as the two of us step outside the castle.

“Here, let me lead the way now. I know the way to the main road to get to Cör,” I say. Kaeda nods and lets me take charge.

We walk in silence for around fifteen minutes until I hear a barely audible noise.

Mrrp!

I stop, Kaeda shooting me a weird look.

“Don’t. Move. A. Muscle,” I shoot back quietly. She rolls her eyes but obliges.

I hear it again, coming from my right, in the bushes.

Mrrp!

I creep towards the sound, motioning for a confused Kaeda to follow me.

Mrrr...

A baby-sized, golden yellow creature with bat-like wings and a catlike body and face whimpers softly.

A plygorthan.

It looks like it’s on the brink of death.

“Poor thing...” Kaeda murmurs. Who’d have thought the cold-hearted princess known for her icy glare wears her heart on her sleeve?

“I think it’s infected.” I unsheathe my knife, ready to end the poor creature’s misery.

“Wait!” Kaeda puts a cold hand on mine, and I feel a tad jittery all of a sudden.

“What?” I ask sharply. Is she as stony as I had originally thought?

“I don’t think it’s infected. Look, its eyes aren’t red.”

I take a closer look. She’s right. The little plygorthan has honey-brown eyes. It looks up at me, a deep pain stabbing me in the heart.

Now that I think about it, Dax’s eyes had had a hint of blood-red to them.

“I guess not. Do red eyes signify an animal being infected?”

“Yes. And the plygorthan seems like it’s just injured.” The princess leans down and looks closer. “Yeah, look. It’s got scratches all over its body.”

The scars look fresh – and pretty deep.

“Poor kit... I think we need to heal this guy now,” I say, sorrow leaking into my voice.

I crouch, reaching out my arms to pick up the kit. It hisses at me, and I notice the little wing-like ears are bigger than they would be if it were female.

“I think this is a boy,” I tell Kaeda, then switch my attention to the fluffy yellow kit before me.

“It’s okay, little guy,” Kaeda whispers reassuringly to the plygorthan.

I manage to pick up the little one, stroking its soft fur, and sit down in the grass. Kaeda sits beside me, making some ice. I create a flame above Kaeda’s cupped hands. When a life is at risk, the two of us can cooperate.

Kaeda carefully washes out the dried blood from the gashes in the kit’s fur, and he whimpers in pain. I continue to say reassuring things and warm my hands so he feels warm.

His eyes begin to flutter open and shut.

“The poor guy must be so sleepy...” I say, then purse my lips. “Kaeda... can we keep him?”

Kaeda groans. “Fine. I guess I’m attached to him too.”

I smile and exhale a breath when the kit’s eyes stay shut. His breathing slows, and his fluffy chest rises and falls.

“If we’re keeping him, we need to name him,” I say. “You can do that.”

“Uh, okay.” Kaeda thinks for a moment. “How about Sol?”

“Yeah, I like that.”

Kaeda gets up to get leaves to make makeshift bandages for Sol. I stroke his fur and breathe in the fresh air.

It’s peaceful.

Better savor it until there’s none left.

The ice princess returns, tossing her frizzy hair over her shoulder again. She gives me half the leaves, wets hers slightly, and gently places them over the scratches on Sol’s body. I follow her lead, and one by one, all of Sol’s scars are covered by leaves.

Kaeda may have packed a small bag, but I guess she either doesn’t want to waste our measly resources or she didn’t pack bandages.

She sits down beside me, and we’re sitting so close that I can feel the warmth radiating from her body.

Something flutters in my stomach.

Am I sick? What is happening?

We look at Sol’s small body for a few minutes together before we realize we need to keep moving. We’re short on time already, and I don’t want less time.

I carry Sol’s lightweight body and Kaeda slings her bag over her shoulder.

We follow the road for hours...

The light from the sky is fading.

Soon the infected will come out.

Sol begins to stir. He blearily blinks and looks up at me, yawning.

“Mrr?” he purrs.

“Hey, buddy,” I tell him.

“He’s awake?” Kaeda asks.

“Yeah, just woke up. Whoa, hey, careful, bud!” He tries to leap from my arms, ready to spread his wings and soar away. “You’re too weak for that. Stick around with us, we’ll make you feel better.”

Gods, what am I doing? It’s not like he can understand me.

But there’s a look on Sol’s face that makes me think that he can. He ponders something – my request, maybe? – for a moment before settling himself in my arms.

“Mrow...”

He perks up, ears twitching.

“What is it, Sol? What do you hear?” Kaeda looks around with narrowed eyes, hands ready to nock an arrow.

Then we hear it, too. The creature swiftly runs in the trees that line the path.

I step back behind Kaeda to protect Sol.

Kaeda whips out her bow and an arrow. She nocks it at the speed of light and pulls her elbow back.

Then silence.

#adrienne “apex” pyracent #kaeda leona cynet #star crossed haters #kaeda x apex #kaepex #sol the plygorathan #creative writing #writers block #my writing #writing #writer #writers and poets #writers on tumblr #writeblr #writerscommunity #writer community #female writers

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