#my grandma is a murder hobo

[introverted-bard]

This is literally how my 90 year old grandma plays dnd lmao she deadass is like “oh this guy? He’s mean to his family I kill him.” and I have to be like GRANNY NO WHEN DID I SAY THAT HE’S LITERALLY JUST A GUY

love how often bob is lowkey dming like “gertrude walks in and she sees a bunch of humans and elves in the tavern” okay babe does she tho?? she’s made to be a dm, like spiritually he’s already halfway behind the dm screen, i am so hype for the future season with bob the dm

[gunthermunch]

[Transcript under the cut]

Maira: LUCAS MUNCH! Lucas: GAH! Maira: You look terrible! Lucas: I looked fine this morning. It’s like everything finished sinking in a few hours ago Maira: you met Imran, no? Lucas: yeah… ugh. it sucked. Maira: he thinks you’re courting me Lucas: ah- thinks I’m wha--

Maira: I’m home!!! Bought some goodies!!!! [silence] Maira: …got some oatmeal flour!! [complete silence] Maira: …weird. Maira: Imran?? Come say hi silly! Who raised you? Maira: maybe he’s out…? No, that’s impossib-

Imran: Why are you sneaking hobos into our house. Answer right now our im sticking my finger inside your good ear Maira: fake choking sounds Nooo- NOT MY GOOD EEEARR!!! Imran: Maira… Maira: n-nani? Is that you? Imran: you’re not dying and that’s not grandma you’re seeing just answer my question Imran: Maira, don’t do it Imran: NO!!! Imran: YOU’RE DONE!!! YOU’RE DONE!!!! Maira: what do we say? Imran: I’m SORRY for calling your blonde man a hobo OKAY??? Just- OW!!! You know how I feel about strangers in here-! AH Maira: his name is Lucas he was super sick! And he’s not a stranger, we’re friends Imran: you barely know him, he could easily be a murderer Maira: be for real Imran: he’s probably trying to win you over, get married, steal our lands and then dump you and your two miserable, ugly children. Imran: …I’m joking please let me go Maira: I told him i'm not into guys. And then i used his sandals as projectiles. Lucas: wait you think I’m your friend…? Maira: yeah dude! You vomited all that german brew on my nice jacket, we are friends. Lucas: that’s nice. Maira: anyways! I need to get back home. see you at the farm tomorrow? Lucas: tomorrow? I can work today Maira: you have no idea how hungover you are until you need to get to work. Just get some rest. Lucas: oh. Okay… see you tomorrow then.

[jess-the-vampire]

You know what bothers me most about philip being a murder hobo? And no it’s not what you’re thinking.

For the sake of the story i understand luz can’t know he’s evil till much much later, like it makes sense story wise to have that whole thing be a twist for her.

What gets me is how others apparently react to him? There’s some odd consistency issues with this twist that confuse the heck out of me. That because of this reveal, i don’t know how in the heck philip managed to avoid luz finding this out before she did.

He lived in bonesbourgh according to gwen, like, actively lived there, but by the time we see him in EAE he’s unknown to the town despite living there for at least 5 confirmed years and clearly is responsible for a dozen or so missing witches???

But in HM he confirms he was kicked out of several towns, and maybe you can argue BB was the first town he got kicked from, but if he was kicked from BB how in the heck was he even allowed to donate his diary in the first place?

They put out a news article about him donating it? Even tho by that point they would’ve def kicked him? That or they put out an article on a guy the town barely knew despite living there for years and who was mostly a meance? THAT guy?

There was an article about him donating his diary but not on him being suspected for murder? (at least with that one tho maybe you could argue belos erased all of that bad news from history tho, even tho that still doesn’t explain why he was allowed to donate his diary)

We also knew he was the human gwen mentioned when speaking to luz and not his own brother because philip obviously left the book in the library where gwen had pointed her too.....so....did her great grandma somehow not know philip was a meance? When he was kicked from town? Did she just not tell anyone? If his brother married a clawthorne (not sure how no one mentioned him up to this point if he was an ancestor, feels like it was worth mentioning the humans were related to the clawthornes and not “Oh he knew my grandma”) surely all the clawthrones know he at least killed his brother based on the memories we saw and they don’t bring THAT up either.

I can chalk some of this to belos using his power to erase his bad deeds as philip from the records, but some of these details do really confuse the heck outta me.

Especially the diary thing.

Like i can’t blame ppl for assuming philip was a decent person before being belos, him always being evil just sounds like he got SUPER lucky none of his deeds got word to luz much sooner or that they for some reason kept his diary despite him being a criminal to them.

FTR this doesn’t ruin anything, it’s more that making philip like that sorta makes other details way more confusing.

[pixelwisp-archive]

i want more orimakki 😩 !!! pls answer these q's i rly wanna know 🥺

Flora I love you so MUCH oh my god thank you for feeding me TT-TT (also I'm ABSOLUTELY SENDING THIS BACK FOR YOU AND OSAMU I WANNA KNOWWWW)

I’m gonna answer these Interview style because it sounds fun to do and because I can😌

This ended up taking me SO long because, per usual, I got way too carried away lmao I'm so sorry

Makki is blue and I'm orange! (Interviewer is red lmao)

1. Who loves flower crowns more?

“Ori, for sure”

“I’m bad at making them though, so I make Hiro make them for me” 

Makki looks at her like😒 and she laughs - he bites back a smile.

2. Who is the one who likes to cuddle?

"Hiro, for sure - I get a little weird about physical affection"

"She hates me"

"That's not true bub, you're just so hot"

"Thanks babe, I think you're pretty cute too"

Ori rolls her eyes and elbows him. "Next question"

3. Who has awful taste in music?

*simultaneously* "Hiro" "Me"

4. Who is the meme lover?

"I run a relatively popular account on instagram"

"I wake up every day to at least 30 new memes that he's spammed my phone with"

5. How did their second date go?

Ori starts laughing as Makki groans.

"He tried to take me to a park for a picnic-"

"Listen it would have been romantic but there was this fucking-"

"raccoon coming to grab our food-"

"and of course Ori is a dumbass ("HEY") and was ready to pet the literal wild animal ("he was so cute :(") so I tried to like shoo it away but-"

"It bit him and we ended up just sharing a cheese stick in the hospital"

"It was a disaster, to say the least"

"It's still one of my favorite dates, though"

"You just like seeing me in pain"

Ori laughs. "Not True!"

6. How many children do they want/have?

"17"

"absolutely not"

"we've talked about having two, maybe three"

"with a couple years in between. Gotta make sure they bully each other. It's important for character growth"

"We'll be sure to bully the oldest so they're not a weirdo like their mom"

Ori nods in agreement.

7. Who hides the weapons?

"I have a knife collection, does that count? I keep them in a display case on the wall"

8. Who is the better dancer?

Makki laughs. "Oh, me for sure"

"YOU?"

"Have you seen your dancing babe?"

"Have you seen YOUR dancing? What the hell is this?" *imitates this god awful windmill move*

"...okay, valid. We're both bad."

9. Do/Did they have a theme wedding?

"We're not married, marriage is for chumps."

Makki sighs. "We're not married *yet*."

"Gross, tryna tie me down stinky?"

"Been trying for years, bub"

Ori blushes, and looks away to hide her smile.

"...maybe"

Makki grins and leans in. "What?"

"I said maybe. I just-"

"I know, baby. Maybe is all I need."

10. What do their parents think of them dating?

"My parents are in love with Ori."

"My parents love him too!"

"Even your dads?"

"Yeah, my dads love you"

"Your step dad doesn't seem to like me much"

Ori furrows her brows. "which one?"

"I'm sorry, did you say 'which one?'"

"Oh, sorry. I have three dads. My mom, my dad, and then their husbands"

"I don't know, your mom's husband doesn't seem like he's warmed up to me"

"It took him years to even warm up to me. He shared his pot roast recipe with you, remember? that was his seal of approval"

Ori giggles while Makki looks at her suspiciously but eventually mumbles "if you say so"

11. Are they a super sappy couple?

"She clowns the shit out of me whenever I try"

Ori laughs. "I'm sorry I just don't know how to act when I'm embarrassed"

"I'm trying to woo you, not embarrass you, you jackass"

"*woo* me?!" Ori cackles

"I don't know why I even try"

(She goes up to him later, and takes his face in her hands, her demeanor more serious than before

"Hey, bub. You know I don't mean *you* embarrass me right? I just get awkward about affection"

He sighs and nuzzles into her palm

"I know you didn't, it's ok. I just love you too much sometimes, and its hard to reel it in"

"I love you too. So so much"

"I am gonna ask you to marry me someday. You know that?"

"I know, and my simp ass is gonna say yes. How gross is that"

Makki rolls his eyes, a smile on his face

"So gross")

12. How did they get together?

"We danced around each other for like 2 years"

"it was painful"

"Iwaizumi finally beat the confidence into me enough to kiss her"

"I don't know that you ever actually asked me out"

"Really? Oh, well then, wanna date?"

"Nah, you're a little weird"

"Damn ok, guess I'll call Mattsun" Ori laughs

13. Who asked the other to get married?

*more gagging noises while Makki sighs*

"It'll be me, clearly"

14. Who stays up too late and makes stupid jokes?

"Hiro. 100%"

"Hey, you stay up late too!"

"I know, but my jokes are always funny"

"rude"

15. Who is the nerd?

"Oh my god it's Ori"

"Hey, I converted you, fellow nerd. plus, you have a knife collection - if that's not nerd shit idk what is"

"touché"

16. Who knows the most obscure facts?

"Hiro"

"Did you know that penguins have knees?"

"I do now"

17. Who makes the other a flower crown?

"Hiro! His fingers are better suited for the weaving, I have weirdly small hands"

"Hey, I like your hands"

"Awh, babe<3"

18. Who likes to read?

"I do! If I'm not reading a physical book I'm always reading something on my phone!"

19. Who bothers the other person while the other person reads?

Makki grins, pointing to himself while Ori shoots him a playful glare

20. Who tutors the other?

"Hiro is actually wicked smart. He an invaluable study buddy"

"Ori is the definition of a bimbo"

"Nah I'm the shebo, I'm not hot enough to make bimbo status"

"Excuse me? Consensus says you are both very hot AND definitely belonging in the bimbo category"

"Consensus? What consensus"

Makki smiles, a little too innocently. "Group Chat"

"Oh my god"

21. Do they have similar taste in movies?

"Ori enjoys literally everything so it's really easy to find common ground"

"We change it up a lot, but we're usually end up with either a horror movie or we binge an anime"

22. How do their personalities compliment each other?

"We're both fucking weirdos"

"Yeah, and Hiro's calm complements my loud - he grounds me when I need it"

"goes both ways - I get loud too. Feelings are loud sometimes and that's ok"

Ori snorts. "Ok, dr.phil"

23. How do they tell everyone that they are going to be having a kid/adopting a child soon?

"Is like, texting them an option?"

"We'll take em' out for breadsticks or something"

"Oh lets have them open up like a lil onesie, our moms would die"

Ori laughs "What's it gonna say on it"

"'You're both grandmas now. Congrats, you old bitches'"

Ori wheezes, folding in on herself in her seat

"That's so fucking stupid, we are absolutely doing that"

24. Who has better fashion sense?

"Look at us. Look at how we're dressed"

"There are holes in my shirt"

"and that's his nice shirt"

"In my defense, it had holes when I bought it"

"So holes are fashionable now?"

"Apparently"

"Hobo chic"

25. Who will punch someone out if they are rude to their partner?

"Ori is a doormat-"

"RUDE"

"-Lemme finish babe - until it comes to her people. If someone's rude to me she is ready to throw hands in seconds flat"

"damn straight...would you fight for me?"

"Of course. you think I wouldn't?"

"Just making sure<3"

26. What songs do they sing together in the vehicle?

"EVERYTHING"

27. What other couple would your otp get along with?

Ori perks up "Flora and Osamu!!! I love the both of them so much, they're so cute together too"

"They're great people, plus Osamu gives us free food and honestly, what else do you need in a friend"

Ori slaps Makki's shoulder "Stop acting like you only like Osamu for his cooking"

"I'm only kidding!"

28. Who likes to prank the other?

"Ori does this thing where she'll do something nice for me and then go "get pranked!" when I notice"

"I do indeed do that"

"I am not kind. Sometimes I'll just, buy an air horn. And press it. while she's asleep."

Ori glares at Makki

"he does indeed do that"

29. Who is the one who loves to take pictures?

"I do"

"He's alwaysss taking pictures, but I hate getting my picture taken and he's super respectful of that"

"...yeah"

(Later, when Ori's stepped out for a minute

"I do take pics of her. She doesn't know it but I do"

Makki starts to show off an album full of candids of Ori

Makki sighs, a soft smile on his face "She's so pretty"

"Don't tell her about this please, she'll murder me")

30. How would they react if they found out they were soul mates?

"Oof"

"That's what you'd say? Oof?"

"It's an oof for you. stuck? with me? forever?"

"you doofus, there's no one else I'd rather have"

"you little fucker, you're gonna make me cry"

makki laughs and squeezes her hand "love you stinky"

Ori sniffles "Yeah I love you too I guess"

31. Where would they live?

"right now we live in an apartment in Osaka-"

"but eventually we wanna by a house. We're thinking of going back home to Miyagi"

"We miss the small town atmosphere"

32. What type of dragon would they own, if they could have one?

"oh my god, a little shoulder dragon would be so cute"

"ok but imagine how much money we'd save with something we could ride to work"

"shit, you're so right"

33. If they were both vampires, what type of vampires would they be?

"There are types of vampires?" looks to Makki, Makki shrugs

"Is dying an option?"

34. What would they dress up as, for Halloween?

"we do themed couple ones but like, not sexy ones"

"yeah, like for instance our friends went as a fireman and his girl was a dalmation, and we were-"

"bob ross and his panting!"

"...she was bob ross"

"this year I'm trying to get him to dress as mothman so I can dress up as a lamp"

35. Can they name each other’s favourite food?

"Ori loves chicken to the point where it's almost concerning"

"Hiro likes cream puffs"

"No no, they're Profiteroles"

"they're the same thing babe"

"but profiteroles sound so much fancier"

36. Do they have pet names for one another?

"The usual"

"Babe, baby-"

"stinky, fuckass-"

"bubs-"

"doofus, dumbass, nerd"

"nothing crazy"

37. How do they cheer each other up?

"I swear to god he's a psychic - he always knows exactly what I need. Sometimes I need space, sometimes I just need a hug, other times he'll have a whole self care night in prepared for me when I get home"

"Ori always knows what to do. She's not a snuggler but she will let me hold her for hours if it meant making me feel better. Honestly most of the time she holds me because - well, boobs"

"Takahiro!"

Makki laughs and jerks away as she pinches his side

38. Do they show a lot of PDA?

"I think we're not too bad. We hold hands, I'll give her the occasional kiss. She lets me wrap my arm around her sometimes"

"These questions are making me feel like a bad girlfriend. Let? :("

"hush, you're the best. You think I'd stick around if you were a bad girlfriend? Do you know how obsessed with you I am? The boys clown me for never shutting up about you even after all this time"

*Ori buries her face in her hands to hide the blush* "Oh my god you're so lame"

"That's her way of saying she loves me too :)"

39. How old were they when they got together?

"I was 22, Ori was 20"

"holy shit, almost four years?"

"Yep"

"wow"

40. Who is the one that would bring the puppy home?

"Me!"

"She's done it before. She named her Ripley"

41. Can they do yoga couple’s poses?

both start cackling "Absolutely not. We can try but it would be a disaster"

42. What is their song?

"Oh its-"

Castaways from the Backyardigans starts playing from Makki's phone as he grins.

"-our song is not Castaways, Hiro"

"It could be. We could decide it is right now"

"We are not making our song Castaways"

"oh c'moooonnnnn, it's a bop!"

Ori laughs "Its-"

"Your song by Elton John. It was playing when we kissed for the first time"

Ori covers her smile with her hand, her eyes soft as she looks at Makki

43. What does their room look like?

"A mess right now, Ori had to find an outfit for today so there are clothes everywhere"

Ori grins sheepishly

44. Who would be the one to kill zombies while the other keeps them grounded?

"Hiro would probably do the killing, I would be moral support"

"I dunno babe, I think if you snapped you could totally become a badass"

"You think so?"

"Hell yeah, I've seen you get mad at Mattsun enough times to know you can get scary as hell when you wanna"

45. Who makes the other breakfast in bed?

"we've done it for each other, it depends on the day to be honest"

46. Who loves kids more?

"Ori"

"But the kids LOVE Hiro so much its crazy, and he's so good with them"

"I like kids well enough but they're so rude and for what"

"I find their lack of filter funny!"

"If you ever feel your ego is too big, just talk to a seven year old. They'll drag to hell and back with no hesitation"

47. Do either of them have a crazy ex?

"I dunno. Do you?"

"No. Do you?"

"Nope"

"Cool"

48. What are their favourite colours?

"Hiro's is this very specific red color"

"Ori doesn't have one, it changes all the time"

"this is true"

49. Who likes to cook?

"Oh I love cooking!"

"She does majority of the cooking but we sometimes cook together"

"he is utter chaos in the kitchen but we always have a good time, even if he make my blood pressure go through the roof"

50. Who is the forgetful one?

"Hey Ori, what'd you have for breakfast this morning."

"I- um. An Iced Coffee?"

"Final answer?"

"....yes"

"Bzzzt. Wrong. You had cereal :)"

51. Does either of them know how to fight?

"I don't mean to brag, but I've taken Tai chi lessons"

"Babe, you signed up for those lessons after we binged Avatar, and you only went to four of those classes before quitting because it was too hard"

"Those four lessons taught me enough to kick someone's ass for you though"

Ori laughs "I'm sure they did"

52. What do they do for Valentines Day?

"We have this tradition of going to the store and each of us take turns blindly picking out snacks, pajamas, and either a movie/video game/or craft project and we stay in and have a little pamper day"

"we also absolutely RAID the store next day when the candy is half off"

53. Who swears more?

"We both swear a lot to be honest"

"Oh my god we're so bad"

54. Who has the better comebacks?

"Hiro, 100%"

"Ori is quick too though"

"But you go right for the jugular"

"I'm not mean to you though"

"Oh no! I just mean with others, like Oikawa - you drag that man within an inch of his life"

Makki laughs "Oh ok yeah that's fair"

55. Who would start a fight with another parent at a bake sale?

"Me. Like I said, Ori is a doormat. She is so afraid of confrontation someone could literally spit on her and she'd apologize to them"

"It sounds so bad when you put it like that"

56. Who reads buzzfeed?

"Hiro says he does them ironically, but I'll be reading something on my phone and he'll start asking me obscure questions, and then I realize he's trying to get me to build a smoothie so he can find out with 'Desperate Houswife' I am"

"She got Gabrielle"

"Which isn't even accurate, I'm totally more of a Susan"

"You have some of Gabrielle's spice, though"

"What did you get?"

"Me? oh, I got Lynette"

"kinda accurate, actually"

57. Who is the hopeless romantic?

"I am, she makes fun of me but I know she loves it"

"I do, honestly"

58. Do either of them know how to do a handstand?

"I do!"

59. Who can rap better?

"oh god, neither of us"

"speak for yourself"

"go on babe, rap for them"

"...well I can't right now"

"exactly"

60. Do either of them want to go sky diving?

"I'd be down"

"I love the idea of it but oof, I'm too chicken shit"

61. What do they usually text about?

Makki pulls out his phone

"'hey babe, we're out of eggs' - that was Ori"

"'dog' - with a pic attached of said dog, that was from me"

"11/10, 'I hope he knows what a good boy he is', that was Ori's response"

"Then Ori ranted to me about Uraraka's character development"

"the wasted potential is appalling"

"absolutely it is. 3 hours later, from me - 'I forgot eggs'"

62. Who is the dramatic one?

"me, for sure"

"She's self aware though so its not so bad"

63. Is either one confrontational?

"Not really? We both avoid confrontation whenever possible. If something needs to be said though, I don't really have any reservations about it"

64. What is their favourite cuddle position?

"Me as the big spoon, I much prefer holding him I think, its less hot that way"

"Plus, boobs :3"

Ori groans as Makki laughs "I hate you"

65. Who are their favourite musical artist(s)?”

"Ooooh thats a toughie, we listen to so much"

66. What are their parenting styles?

"I tend to be the bad guy"

"That's not true!"

"Why do you think kids like you better? I'm the one who makes them eat veggies for a snack and you bribe them with ice cream"

"I promise we'll share the bad guy role when we have our own"

Ori narrows her eyes at Makki, sticking her tongue out at him "we better"

67. Who would be the more laid back one?

"Hiro, I get wound like a fucking top sometimes"

"You stress easily, but its ok, when you're stressed you get mean and its kinda hot"

"I'm glad my breakdowns are sexy to you"

Makki laughs "You know that's not what I meant"

68. Who listens to more vulgar music?

"Ehh, neither of us really"

"not our jam"

69. Do either of them have secrets even the other doesn’t know?

"...do you?"

"....no"

"That was suspish"

"I'm sorry did you just say 'suspish'?"

"don't change the subject! what are you hiding?"

"Nothing!! I swear"

"Pinky?"

"Pinky"

(later, while Ori's out of the studio, he shows a picture of the ring to the camera.

"So, yeah. There is one secret. I'm really bad at lying though so let's not put me on the spot like that anymore please" The man looks d a m p with sweat lmao)

70. Who is their go to couple for a double date?

"FLOSAMU, 100%. We're overdue too, I miss them!"

71. Do they tip the waiter/waitress on their date?

"Generously"

"If you don't tip you're a jackass"

72. How do they work out a fight?

"Communication is key. We often give each other the silent treatment but it usually is just to clear our heads so we can come back to talk it out"

"He's so mature when it comes to our relationship. The way he takes charge when I'm flailing and don't know what to do or how to proceed is so sexy" Ori starts fanning herself as if to emphasis her point, a teasing grin plastered on her face

73. Who brings home an illegal pet?

"Hiro will bring anything home if it's injured. It could be a snake and if he's worried its hurt I will come home to it in the bath"

"you gotta save the animals, babe"

"Most people would call a wildlife facility though, not take them to their tiny city apartment"

74. What side of the bed do each of them sleep on?

"I sleep on the left! I don't think either of us are particularly picky about it though"

"We usually wake up sprawled anyway with no clear sign of where we were before"

75. What is their favorite photo of them two together?

"There's a picture someone took of us dancing at a wedding. Ori is mid laugh in that photo and she's just - shit, she's so pretty."

"Hiro what the fuck why are you so sappy today"

"I dunno - I just think you're neat"

Ori's lips tremble a tiny bit. She sniffles. "It's my favorite photo too."

76. Who takes longer in the bathroom?

"Oh my god-"

"Okay-"

"SHE TAKES FOREVER"

"OKAY, LISTEN-"

"SHE ONLY GOES ON TIKTOK WHEN SHE GOES TO THE BATHROOM"

"I JUST GO THROUGH MY NOTIFICATIONS"

"SHE IS NEVER - STOP HITTING ME - SHE IS NEVER QUICKER THAN 30 MINUTES"

"YOU ARE SO DRAMATIC"

"DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON SHOWERS"

77. Who has more songs on their ipod?

"Hiro, I kinda keep to the stuff I know, while he's constantly adding new music"

78. What movie did they first see together?

"Uhhh I think it was-"

"It was Princess Mononoke, you were appalled when I said I hadn't seen it yet"

"Honestly I still am. How do you go through 20 years of your life without having seen Princess Mononoke?" Ori shrugs

79. What do they like to see each other in?

"nothing"

"not sure what I expected, really"

"I mean was there really any other answer?"

80. Who makes jokes during inappropriate times?

"Oh god. Both of us. We are so terrible"

"Sometimes Ori will nudge me if I'm being especially bad but she is usually the one egging me on because there is nothing cuter than her trying to hold in a laugh"

81. At what age do they discuss the possibility of children?

"We started talking about it a few months ago"

"It wouldn't be any time soon either, its just discussing the topic so we know where each of us stand"

"Yeah, there's still a lot for us to figure out"

"Like, you know, finances and getting married and stuff"

Ori bites her lip "...yeah, and stuff."

82. What do they love about each other the most?

"It's probably a cop out to say everything"

"please, you don't love everything, I'm a mess"

"but you're MY mess" Ori smiles and kicks him playfully

"This is going to sound super cheesy, but I just love his heart? He's loves so loudly and so wholly. With everyone and everything around him. He's just such a good person and it's insane to think he somehow chose to be with me, a human dumpster"

"You were so romantic until you called yourself a dumpster"

"It was getting too soft, I gotta keep my bruh girl reputation"

"You're such a dork"

83. Who is the one that sees the big picture, while the other focus’s on the small details?

"I think we're both kind of big picture people"

"No, babe, you are obsessive over minute details"

"No I'm not!"

"Everything takes you twice as long because you are constantly quadruple checking if its ok"

"..."

"and you get so stressed when you're given a project or a problem that's even the tiniest bit vague"

"well, I-"

"And don't even get me started on when you're cleaning, you always take forever because you go through every single item you've ever owned even if you know you're gonna toss or keep it"

"Okay, I feel really attacked right now" Makki laughs

84. What would they write on their partner’s social media’s for their anniversary?

"I usually go with a tried and true mixture of sappy and funny. I post a couple photo of us that I like or just a standalone of him and I give a cute little snippet talking about how lucky I am"

"Every year I just go on a rant about how much I love her. I'm always overwhelmed on anniversaries so I keyboard smash my way through the post."

85. Who is bad at math?

"Me, I don't understand any of it. Hiro is actually pretty good at it though"

86. Who googles everything?

"I've caught her trying to google where her glasses are"

"OKAY to be FAIR I was googling to see what the most likely places would be, it was just to give me ideas"

"And where were they?"

"*sigh* in the fridge"

"why?"

"because I was on autopilot and I assumed it was the butter"

87. Who does stuff on impulse?

"Oh, me. Ori does sometimes but she always regrets whatever she impulse did"

"its normally shopping and then I'm sad because I'm broke again"

88. How do they comfort each other when they are helpless to do anything about the situation?

"honestly? We learned this the hard way, but...just being there, letting them know they can lean on you when they need to. Being a pillar and giving them the space and comfort to let them tell you what they need and how you can help. Communication is so important in a relationship"

"You said you learned that the hard way? What do you mean by that?"

Ori and Makki share a look

"It's a long story. Another time, maybe"

89. What is an inside joke they have?

They both immediately start laughing

"Are you also thinking-"

"Yes! What about-"

"*incoherent wheezing*"

"well there's the-"

"or the-"

"oh my god remember-"

all the sentences go unfinished, laughter dissolving any chance of you ever figuring any of them out.

90. Who makes the other smile with almost no effort at all?

"I think its mutual, sometimes we will literally just look at each other and we'll smile without even realizing it."

"We're so gross"

"Ugh, I know." But they smile at each other

91. What is their favourite holiday?

"New years! Christmas is always nice but its stressful with gift giving. New years is always stress free and a good time, plus Ori loves visiting the shrines the next day"

"It's so peaceful, and seeing everyone pay their respects fills me with an overwhelming appreciation for humanity."

92. Who is the one that is calm and collected while the other is angry and destructive?

Ori pouts.

"I'm the angry one. I know I am. I'm a menace"

"You're not a menace babe, you just feel a little more than others"

"Are you like high right now or something? What has got you so wise and therapist-y"

"Love." Makki wiggles his eyebrows as she scoffs, her soft giggles betraying the eye roll

93. What is their favourite board game to play?

"Clue!"

94. Who accidentally sets something on fire?

"Okay, it's me, it's happened more than once too"

"She doesn't know the first thing about safety in the kitchen"

"I want to argue so bad but I just know I can't" she sighs

95. Who has the car ready while the other is robbing the store?

"I'm robbing. Ori would get distracted"

"valid"

96. What artist/group did they go to for their first concert?

"Mother Mother"

"It was INSANE"

97. Who sleep talks?

"Hiro does" Ori starts giggling, pulls up the sleep app on her phone

"Wanna listen?"

98. Who is the more social one?

"Oh, me, definitely. She is more talkative but Ori rarely initiated conversation with new people or if she's in a new environment at all"

99. What are their karaoke songs?

"I have to be absolutely trashed before we even attempts Karaoke but we do a duet and its either Bohemian Rhapsody or one of our cheesy love songs"

100. Who would get up on stage and make a fool of themselves just to make the other laugh?

"Hiro!! He does it all the time and I love him for it"

"Awh, love you too babe"

"And that's a wrap!"

Makki looks at Ori, grabbing her hand and instinctively intertwining their hands together. "Ready to go, stinky?"

Ori smiles, bringing their entangled hands up to lips as she presses a soft kiss to his skin.

"Ready."

[trickster-4]

Here’s a continuation of What Belos Fears.. It’s much less Crackish.. Sorry it’s what came out..

Emperor Belos had long since lost much of his humanity. The sense of taste was off to him at times. But here and now.. It was absolutely delectable. The smell of the cooked meat and the fried rice. He could definitely smell the special frijoles his mother usually made for him.. Just a small taste couldn’t hurt right?

*SMACK*

Henrietta Noceda was lightning fast at striking with her cane. She was fifty two years old and had her husband has been gone for a very long time.

Eda laughed at the sight while his ex employee Lilith smirked. His daughter Luz giggled along with her girlfriend Amity.. Willow and Gus on the other hand couldn’t contain themselves and began to laugh. Kikimora on the other hand gave them all a glare before giving her boss and annoyed stare.. His mother spoke to him with a stern no nonsense tone.. After all it didn’t matter if her son was six feet tall or ten he was still her son thus it fell to her discipline him for lack of manners..

“¡Nadie toca la comida hasta que estamos todos en la mesa!”

“Yes.. ma’am..” Belos brooded silently he turned to Kikimora who turned her away in a huff.. “I’m sorry..” He whispered..

“You were acting like the last fifty years of our lives never happened Belos..”

“I know… I’ll tell her it’s just..” He slumped before leaning to his assistant leaning towards her. “I’m trying to figure out how to stay in a friendship with Camilla.. I haven’t been with Luz for years.. I want to have a good relationship with my daughter..” Belos looked to Luz his daughter who had barged into the kingdom and shook it too it’s foundations.. “I want her to live on the isle for at least four years..”

“I see..” Kikimora’s eyes widened she was aware of how long it took to develop a magical bile sac.. And once it happened it was a permanent process. Though witches and demons experienced a number of benefits long lifespans, extreme durability, and magic. Yet there was a price to be paid so to speak..

““You wish to play the long game my liege?”

“Yes..”

A low magical environment played havoc on the senses of magical beings and they became sluggish, sickly overtime, and took more time to recover from casting intense spells until they returned to the demon realm. Contrary to his fears Witches wouldn’t lose their magic and could in fact produce more bile it just simply took time.. Luz was already changing Kikimora noted the slight imperceptible edge developing in her ears and nodded. “Very well my lord..”

Luz Noceda his baby girl wanted to learn magic. He couldn’t convince her to like him but perhaps he could quietly support her dream… And if the result of her studying for her dream meant she became a permanent resident of the demon realm and thus became closer to his sphere of influence well that’s just pleasant luck.

“Heheheheh..”

Luz moaned in annoyance and exhaustion at her father’s antics. Although this was actually par for course even before he discovered actual magic he tended to laugh maniacally whenever he was plotting stupid schemes.. Like the time her father cut the antennas of her mother’s brand new television in an attempt to improve it’s reception… That month Belos Noceda had flinch every-time Camilla walked around in chanclas.. Amity patted Luz’s back while letting her lean into her shoulder.

“Hijo, deja esas estupideces ...”

“Sorry Mama..” Belos replied with apologetic tone.. He then saw that Camilla had arrived sitting opposite of him.. He looked at her once more old feelings stirred affection, fondness, and delight. But the depth there was once for those emotions were gone.. He had moved on it was fifty years ago for him..

“So magic is real.. I’m happy for you but can you take off the creepy mask hijo?

“I.. It’s not pleasant to look at but fine..” Belos slowly removed the mask letting his face be seen. His face had become a greenish gray his eye’s sclera had long become black with the amount of bile his body produced now.. He wore a very masculine and attractive mustache..

Luz looked with amazement at the face that was often in her childhood dreams.. A gentle smile holding onto her finger.. Her eyes began to water softly as the memories began to come.. A single large hand came across the table as a finger caught the tear. She smiled softly but gently pushed the hand away not used to the affection and conflicted about who was trying to give it..

With his long black flowing hair and handsome face he was the epitome of nobility. His ears had become the same as his subjects. In the middle of his face was a slash sideways across his face.. He had long since gotten used to hiding such scars to portray an invincible man who could not be broken.. Though throughout all his enemies, Belos laughed, it was his daughter who had nearly take his eye..

“Wow I did not expect evil to look handsome..” Eda observed the tyrant king.. “So you were an electrican.. What’s that..”

“The equivalent of ward repair..” Belos angrily muttered in frustration and annoyance.. He hated his job as an electrician and would choose world conqueror over that any day..

“Ha!! That’s a Dead-end job though that’s hard to believe. I would have expected someone as smart as you to have gone higher in the human world..”

“Belos was always such a passionate boy about his dream.. He never felt an attraction to the sciences unless it pertained to his pursuit of the existence of magic..” As Henrietta spoke Belos took one of the tamales and began to unwrap it.. “He was convinced that magic was real and was determined to find it..”

“Yeesh..”

“He was also a huge D&D nerd..” Camilla noted with a look of annoyance.. Her entire experience with that one game she played was so horrible it completely made her give up on trying it anymore..

“Oh that’s not so bad..” Luz noted with a smile..

“He was a horribly difficult DM… Seriously a level twenty guard in the town you began at?”

“It’s not my fault the entire party was made of murder hobos yourself included!!”

“I was trying to have fun!!”

“Well D&D is also about strategy!!”

The two stood up and began to argue with one another.. It was a familiar occurrence one that Luz was starting to remember when a sad look grew in her eyes..

“I didn’t miss this..”

“Luz..”

*SMACK*

Camilla and Belos were both smacked in the head with a chancla so hard they were knocked back into their seats..

Luz sighed before face palming Amity was shocked at the sight of Luz’s grandmother knocking both Camilla and Belos into their seats.. Eda smiled and took another sip of her drink.. Lilith also smirked and reached for more of the wine to watch her former boss’s humiliation.. Willow and Gus were watching with interest and relaxed smiles..

Kikimora took a long gulp of her wine.. It was surreal what was happening before her eyes, but she already had her fill of it..

Henrietta slowly put the chancla onto her feet and then glared at them hard.. Luz was right there and she didn’t need to be seeing her parents at each other’s throats. There was a look of shame and fear in both parent’s eyes.

“Los niños no es así !! ¡No voy a permitir que discutas frente a tus amigos y familiares!

“Huh, your grandma seems to have good head on her shoulders plus she keeps him in check.”

“She really is amazing..”

“So Belos what’s this I’ve been hearing about you being a dictator on an island?” Henrietta eyed her son making him flinch in fear of her..

“I’ll answer that..” Luz spoke up with boldness in her voice. “For the last fifty years Emperor Belos ruled the boiling isle with an iron fist. He throws those who practice the wild ways of magic into prisons and forces a caste system…”

“Luz why?!” Belos suddenly felt like a shadow was being casted over his body.. “¡¿madre?!”

“Get in the kitchen..”

Emperor Belos sullenly stood up and followed his Elderly mother into the kitchen.. Luz and Amity flinched at the sound of Belos crying as Grandma Noceda disciplined her son… Lilith and Eda had a look of fear at the sound of the chancla.. Guz lowered his head in fear and Willow joined him not too soon after… Camilla took a sip of her wine and looking across seeing Kikimora’s glass was empty filled it up.. Incidentally she noticed the ring on her finger one that looked a lot like the one on Belos’s finger..

“How long?”

“Thirty five years..”

“I see excuse me…” Camilla smiled serenely she turned to a confused Luz and various guests.. “Luz sweetie please escort our guests to the guest room at the edge of the house.. We’ll be back in a moment..”

Later…

Camilla stood next to Belos helping him wash the dishes.. They were silently fulfilling their punishment for fighting in front of Luz and the guests after being reunited.. Grandma Noceda had forced Belos to release all of the residents from the Boiling isles from the Coven systems..

After several hours of conversation Belos was able to negotiate irrevocable terms of surrender with Lilith and Eda as leaders of the rebellion.. Continuing the war would have been devastating to the population.. So a compromise was reached Covens were voluntary and not mandatory with the option to transition to others there would also be no more more Coven Branding… Palismans would have more rights and legal defenses..

Belos would remain Emperor of the Boiling isles for two reasons the first was his supporters were powerful wealthy witches who could fuel the war for a long time…. The second was due to the religious factions being rather ardent in their devotion.. Still he would no longer hold total power..

A council would be formed between the leaders of the rebellions and Belos’s supporters.. Two thirds of that council would be from the rebellion.. Together they would decide new policies and laws and keep each other in check.. It would be a different government they would be making but one that would keep Belos’s supporters and the rebellion from killing each other..

“… I’m not moving back..” Belos spoke softly as he scrubbed the dish..

“I know Belos.. It’s been fifty years for you.. Life is not a novella I didn’t expect you to be waiting on a sea shore for that long..”

“.. I want Luz to move to the Boiling Isles..”

“..I wanted to her to spend time with you.. She deserves to know her father.. That said I don’t trust you to leave her in your care she may stay with Edalyn.. And you may visit her in a neutral location…”

“I understan-“

“Let me finish!” Camilla spoke with with vehemence. “I will also be living with Edalyn for the foreseeable future..”

Belos shivered at the thought of Camilla living so close by. But his daughter Luz would be living closely as well. He sighed and nodded that he understood.

Meanwhile in one of Grandma Noceda’s guest rooms…

“I can’t believe I forgot to tell mom that we’re dating…” Luz slammed her head in frustration against the wall.. She sighed in annoyance before lying down in the bed with Amity.. “This is gonna be soooo confusing…”

“It was a pretty tense day Luz..” Amity agreed with her girlfriend. “We’ll tell her when she moves in with Eda..”

“Ugh..”

“Hey Luz you know we’re in this together right?” Amity asked with a small smile..

“Yeah..” Luz blushed goofily as her girlfriend hugged her..

[darkcloud-kcalifornia]

You know, it’s been a while since I’ve done a rambling post while watching a show.  Let’s change that.  Oh yeah, it’s Mario time!

Alrighty, the live action segment this time is “The Marios Fight Back”.  It appears to be about some reporter (David Horowitz) investigating their claim to be able to undo any clog within 3 minutes.  Which normally speaking is a ludicrously obvious ad, but this is TV Land so it’s probably an actual reporter doing “investigative journalism” on an incredibly slow day.  But then while showboating with over the shoulder tosses Mario accidentally… knocks out the reporter.  During a world wide broadcast.  So that’s a shenanigan right there.  Some might call it a wacky one, but I’m a bit hesitant to use that designation.  After the animated segment Luigi points out that not only is the reporter out cold, but they haven’t unclogged the sink. Mario in desperation tries sprinkling plant food in there as it looks kinda similar to their drain cleaner, and the two heads out for lunch.  And after they leave the reporter wakes up… right as an abomination begins to rise from the sink.  Dang it, I got enough sink emergent abominations from Parasite Eve!  The reporter is of the opinion that he should be getting hazardous duty pay for this.  Look buddy, if I don’t get it for having to deal with a conga-line of Karens all day during a pandemic you don’t get it for a hairy sink clog monster. But hey, technically speaking the sink’s no longer clogged now.  And… the episode ends before that’s actually resolved.  Monster menacing everybody.  Well, guess that’s it.  Mario Bros. are gonna die.

 The cartoon is “The Fire of Hercufleas”.  Though really that should probably read Herafleas.  Anyway, the titular legendary hero is apparently an old friend of Toad’s (I’d love to hear of Toad’s adventuring career before the Marios came along some day), and he wants to ask the guy to help them take down Koopa, as well, it’d be kinda easy for him.  But ol’ Herc has let himself go with eating habits almost as atrocious as Mario’s. Herc explains he’s got a steady job now as the guardian of the Great Balls of Fire.  Which really lends credence to all of the jokes about heroes being murder hobos, if you stop doing it once you can find steady employment. Also, I think I vaguely recall from my childhood that the show once used “Great Balls of Fire” as a musical number, so if I’m recalling correctly it’ll probably be this one.  Huh, now there’s an odd moment.  While King Koopa is berating his minions and planning the theft of the Fire he refers to the Marios as “sewer simps”.  And here I thought that was new slang.  But anyway, some Flyguys manage to steal the Fire for Koopa, with one staying behind to both defeat and humiliate Herc so as to illustrate what a diet high in donuts does to a retired hero.  I sense a training montage sometime in the future.  Yup, there it is after the Marios’ failed attempt at Fire retrieval.  Kinda odd that Mario would be acting as a coach to get somebody back into shape given his own figure though.  Well, I guess you could argue he has plenty of muscle underneath the flab.  You don’t need to be a showy bodybuilder to be strong. Kinda weird how getting buff again gave Herc a deep reverb voice though.  Also really weird how apparently Mario’s grandma made garlic chip cookies.  Just�� ew. I don’t think even Cookie Monster would be able to stomach something like that.  Anyway, the big fight scene happens after that.  Kinda lackluster to be honest, but it is interesting to see Toad grab a fire flower for once and start chucking fire himself.  Now I’m just waiting to see them give one to Princess Toadstool.  Anyway, Koopa ends up expending the Fire in his literal fire fight with Toad, and so runs rather than try to take on both Toad and Herc.  Huh, no musical number during that.  Guess I remembered wrong.  (POST EPISDOE ADDITION: Actually looking it up it seems like the musical numbers were removed due to copyright and licensing.  Dang.  I guess this means no Secret Agent Man later on either?  Though this explains at least some of the lackluster music… it’s not what’s supposed to be there at all.)  Anyway, Herc’s down about failing to protect the Fire leading to it being used up, but Toad just empties his Fire Flower power into the pot and it reignites. Which… leads me to question just how Great those Balls of Fire could have been if a Fire Flower was just as good. Well regardless, Toad got to be the hero of the day and gets a statue next to Hercufleas’.

 Overall the episode wasn’t bad, though there was a few odd decisions in this one.  Like having the monster situation in the live action segment still ongoing at the end.  Or Toad being the main cast member focused on and hero during the animated segment.  On the other hand those aren’t necessarily downsides, and it’s nice to mix things up every so often.

 Moral of the day:

When in doubt, pose.

[themilokin]

14, 17, 29, 30, 31

14. Introduce any other parties you have played in or DM-ed.

Oh god. Oh no. The LONGEST LIST…

The Historical Preservation Society of Fandolin - My first ever dnd party playing Lost Mines of Phandelver! This was a bunch of years ago and I still have very very fond memories. We got our name by a scheme that managed to get us a 1v1 fight with a necromancer and then later an invitation to see some bugbears but that turned out less good. Comprised of Flint the Dwarven Cleric who 100% started a table-wide superstition of warhammers never hitting their targets, Taris the Half-Orc Paladin noble who originated the scheme, Tilwynn Syrr (Mr. Sir)- my wood elf rogue- who continued the scheme and butted heads with Taris repeatedly, and Eileer- a wood-elf beastmaster ranger who we called Grandma for her age and general personality. It was a wild few months.

Ghostbusters - A hard-scrabble group of idiots fight off supernatural threats and actual cannibal Shia LeBouff in the Magic The Gathering setting of Innestrad. The first campaign my girlfriend and I got to play together, and her first campaign! Comprised of her Ness (a Hunter Ranger with RIDICULOUS damage output), my Vermillion Kade (assassin and group dad), a Fighter that died to a Shambling Mound and came back as a Bagpiping Bard whose names elude me, Nessnemo (Nemo for clarity- a barbarian whose outfit consisted of primarily straps and little else), and Anders (A druid who caused the tablewide joke of ‘Bear in a Banquethall’ whenever players do something Very Ill-Advised because they missed a detail of description). We also saw a character named Chrodechild in this game while I took over for a Birthday Two-shot DMing stint.

OG Sendra - The first attempt at a full-length campaign. Comprised of Chrodechild the enchantress that eventually face-heel-turned into a villain, Lorelai Elffei the thief from a town of children who died and came back, Nemo (once more, but tiefling this time), Eseka the Halfling Monk/Bard performer in a circus (I THINK to melil, actually) who died and was restored, and Feverfew- the Drow Warlock of the Archfey.It had a pretty high character-swap-and-death rate. Feverfew the warlock died and became Patrin the Dragonborn Paladin who was then ALSO killed, and Kanseif the Human Barbarian Warrior Princess came about to replace him. Chrodechild turned evil and was replaced with Rhadha the crippled tiefling warlock who had made a deal with hags and had a long contract full of stipulations. Brill had to depart after character moments occurred and came back as Sylvienne Ghost- an Aasimar druid and Therapy Dog. There were further character swaps later on, but by the time they occurred the campaign had begun to grind to a halt.

Shards of the Past - A campaign run by a friend. The party was gathering the broken fragments of a rod of Manticores to fight back against the northern Empire. We were contracted by the queen to do so and BOY we sucked at it but we sure did win the war! A human paladin (whose name escapes me) with a lion-steed named Balthazar, Kestral the human Ranger-assassin (who had bird-themed names for her whole family it was rad), and my gnome Wizard Sullivan Orren du Ghislain-Ameritte III, who slowly descended towards lawful evil as the game progressed. It was a WILD romp. 

ThreaTTT - My second stab at DMing! The players awoke in prison after a night of wildly out-of-hand carousing and had to pay off their debt to society in service to Drann’s public. Mostly monster hunting and character-driven, the first introduction of The Timeless and Sliver of Moon! Party consisted of Tor (half-elf half-dwarf bard who was locked in an endless one-sided rivalry with Fortesque D’artigan- another half-elven bard), Risc Taxis (an assassin from the Talons, the southern Thieves and Assassin’s guild in Sendra, and an addict to Celadon- a opiate that stains fingers blue), and Atonement/Toni- an Aasimar Archfey warlock who was fleeing an engagement and was beholden to the whims of her 12 year old patron. They more or less made a thrash metal band by level 5, and Cera- a merfolk enchantress prostitute- joined up with them after a trip to the Stormlashed Sea. Her name didn’t fit the scheme, but she was loads of fun.

Pile of Idiots/Fortune’s Favor/Dumb Luck - You know this one, Muffin. ;P Comprised of a Fireball-Happy Endlessly-Curious sorcerer, an Extra As Shit 4 Elements Monk, the Queen of the Sea herself, The Worlds Best Bard, Smol Druid with Smol Doggo frond, and Beefest Lizard Tank, these idiots try and save the world- or at least get by.

Trees Beneath the Seas - A campaign that got very away from us, and where Moon received most of his character development. It was a huge party, which I think detracted a bit from the potential RP fun, but I got to be RECKLESS. We had Damon Pyre the Half-Elf-Half-Dragon Sorcerer, Durieal Durnam the OP monk that was killed by the weapon he carried, Saneva Amailo the hexblade warlock of Garagos and certified Edgelord Supreme, Quv the gnome-turned-elf rogue that left and whose player came back with Rue the Pumpkin Queen the human druid, Amaya Arissius the wood-elf Horizon Walker Ranger (who died and was reincarnated as a human), Verath the Dragonborn bard, Persephone O’Dougal the Canim forge cleric, Braugen Rowcron the dwarf barbarian who came back later as Satsuss the yuan-ti artificer, Arlow Rathers the paladin of Illmater and best baker the world has ever seen, Waruk Flamesong the half-orc wizard/cleric who sank the world, and finally Sliver of Moon who robbed, lied, and smooth-talked his way into and out of worlds of trouble as a swashbuckling rogue-fighter-paladin-sorcerer (we got to lvl 30 shit got WEIRD).

Harder Than We Thought - Thrush’s game! We played on the continent of Sivaan- slowly coming under siege by a power called The Parody that wanted to make the whole world just a liiiiiiiittle more interesting. Evelynn Mercado (Parsippany Olapieros) the half-elf blade-bard with ten tons of swagger in a ten ounce body who was looking for her father and making her own name in the world, Thrush Marigold the endlessly sunny sun-soul monk who was learning about his tiefling heritage while looking for his mother, Sir Tim the Halfling Hero For Hire Paladin who was making his tiefling lover and his son proud, Dune the bloodhunter with a Big Problem with hags, ‘The’ Wothe the more traditional halfling bard who was potentially about to be Thrush’s uncle by marriage, Perryn the Air Genasi Beastmaster Ranger and prankmaster general, and a dragonborn sorcerer I cannot recall the name of with terrible eyesight.

Punk! - A portal-fantasy run by our Innestrad DM, with a fantastic set up where he said he had to take a call during our session 0 and walked out. We then all got messages at the table saying he’d been replaced and to not trust him, and when he came back his whole body language was changed and then ‘sucked us into a portal’ via his tome of handbooks he got rebound into one HUGE book. We all played ourselves but better, and it was wild.

Umber Wilds/Aspiring Cryptids - One I’m currently running on mondays! A group of adventurers Doing Their Best. Audhilde Stoneforger is the Eldritch Knight and Battle Goddess who can leap up to 170 feet because I’ve broken my own will. Larken Delmare is the human shadow sorcerer who used to be an elf and came back wrong, she’s got ties to the first lands of Thielle and is dealing with Coming Back Wrong as best she can. Yseult Brighton is a water-genasi grave cleric with both Selune and Shar claiming portions of her soul, she’s been dubbed the World’s Okayest Cleric and is basically a fishbowl made of friendship. Lastly there’s Ekaterina Sheralova, a drow Gloomstaker Ranger with the most flamboyant fashion and cat-like personality whose family is probably going to wind up killing her or trying to.

17. What are some house rules that your group has?

BIG CRITS! You max your primary damage die and then roll the second, so you’re always hitting big when you get that nat 20! I have to beef so much health because of this.

Flanking - Instituted around the In-Person table: when you flank you get a +2 to hit, not advantage. It’s less OP that way.

29. Do you prefer RP heavy sessions or combat sessions?

Usually RP heavy sessions are my favorite thing, but sometimes you just want to hit something. XD I’ve found I really like a healthy dose of both, but I love it when the combat functions to fuel RP, so RP is probs my more favorite kind.

30. Are your players diplomatic or murder hobos?

They’ve trended more diplomatic! I’m grateful for it, and it’s neat seeing what pushes characters into ‘murder’ when they start out with diplomacy.

31. What is your favorite class? Favorite race?

Oh golly, probably Rogue or Paladin for favorite class, but Bard is up there too. I love versatility, and Rogue and Bard are skill monkey classes that are super fun. Paladin’s whole ‘strength from your belief in an ideal’ is also hella fun tho, I like it when paladins draw power from belief not in a god, but in a principle that guides them. Favorite race is harder, I don’t really have a favorite- but I know I dislike playing as Dragonborn, Aarakokra, and Lizardfolk personally. They’re just not for me, I think.

[wizardoftrash]

Dark Souls is out on the Switch TODAY

Its time for a poll! Which of my old Dark Souls builds should be the first to get a revisit in the switch version of the game?

re-blog or reply with your answer

1) GOAT LORD: An intentionally hideous heavy-armored character that is some kind of tank/shield build. In previous iterations it was a character built for progressing through main-game and co-op, opting to go greatshield and some kind of spear or shield-poke weapon with miracles for secondary. Can dip into poise-monster

2) Murder Hobo: Usually a PVP character build, using a mix of dex and sorceries to play super duper dirty. Hidden body or ring of fog, poison spells, you name it I’ve tried it. The key factor is that the character is always named “Murder Hobo” so that whoever I invade or whoever invades me knows exactly what to expect.

3) Spooky Grandma: Usually either a co-op character or a darkmoon blade style hunter, spooky grandma is a pure-sorcery or dark-sorcery character with all the trimmings. The play-style is usually do something fluffy like buff up a sword, cast something meaningless, and follow it up with dark bead or some kind of 1-shot spell for the win. Incidentally, I always maker her look super old.

4) Burnt Face Man: A pyromancer. I don’t think I’ve ever actually done this build, but I keep thinking i might want to.

So then, who should I play as first?

[arbis-official]

Do all the dnd asks

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

D&D ask meme:

1. A favorite character you have played.

Honestly, I loved playing Agramon. It’s fun to be an asshole

2. Your favorite character that someone else has played.

Amare had so many #classic lines, I gotta.

3. Your favorite side quest.

When we convinced a mayor that a ship we crashed into a fountain was an art installation.

4. Your current campaign.

Like... what about it??? I’m currently playing a revenant warlock who causes me more stress with each passing campaign because i’m realizing how easily-exploitable she is, and also because an extremely specific thing that really upsets her (and me) keeps. fucking. happening.

I’m also the DM of a murder mystery with some fucking... shenanigans going on. The party is two disaster children and two spice boys.

5. Favorite NPC.

To play? Reid Nightwing, my drow gunslinger. To interact with? I would fuuuucking die for Ireena and Ismark.

6. Favorite death (monster, player character, NPC, etc).

Getting to roll 20d12 to kill one of my players via smiting felt Very Good, Very Nice.

7. Your favorite downtime activity.

LANGUAGE-LEARNING WITH YURA! Even though both of us were teaching each other languages we already knew...

8. Your favorite fight/encounter.

Nenkos was the most fun I’ve had as an enemy NPC. Her abilities were surprisingly well-balanced considering I slapped them together with no real idea of what i was doing.

9. Your favorite thing about D&D.

It’s like writing, but with less writing! And it allows me to make characters and then get to explore their motivations and personalities in first-person. God I like making characters

10. Your favorite enemy and the enemy you hate the most.

Favorite is the same as 8.

Like, the #1 most hatred i have for any character is always and forever Kai, but tbh? Strahd von fucking Zarovich has moved in at a reeeeal close 2nd.

11. How often do you play and how often would you ideally like to play?

I play twice a week rn but that easily totals 16-18 hours. Ideal would be like two six-hour sessions a week, and preferably not two at the same time. pls

12. Your in game inside jokes/memes/catchphrases and where they came from.

“I can’t believe you gave me inspiration for getting him laid.” -Ashley (Gordain)

“It’s all fun and games until the bard hugs someone.” -Vinneak and Ezrah

“If you’re going to get fucked in the woods, it might as well be on your own terms!” -Me

“In this world, it’s either yeet or get yote.” -Me, Rhiannon, and Kate

13. Introduce your current party.

This is basically just all of our discord nicknames but..

Cerene- the coach friend: like the mom friend, but more tsundere

Yura- the sweetest and toastiest of boys

Anasthaea- spicy grandma

Imora- dudebro teen

14. Introduce any other parties you have played in or DM-ed.

we would be here all fucking day mdude

15. Do you have snacks during game times?

try full meals. when you play for 10 hours straight you kind of have to

16. Do you play online or in person? Which do you prefer?

i think i would die if i had to play over the computer. idk how you do it lorn

17. What are some house rules that your group has?

I came up with a system for lingering injuries that has now been carried through in future campaigns. sorry

18. Does your party keep any pets?

well...... we had a dog

19. Do you or your party have any dice superstitions?

we have a dice jail for the naughty dice

20. How did you get into D&D? How long have you been playing?

I started hearing about TAZ and had no idea what D&D was and then one of the people I was on a club e-board with offered to teach us

21. Have you ever regretted something your character has done?

Basically anything Cerene has ever done, even the things I don’t know about yet

22. What color was your first dragon?

Green! Hi, Siccarsus.

23. Do you use premade modules or original campaigns?

I like using my own campaigns but CoS is cool and I’m fine with using them.

24. How much planning/preparation do you do for a game?

Usually starts with me planning weeks in advance and then as time goes on I slap together encounters an hour before we play

For DMs

25. What have your players done that you never could have planned for?

The entire events of night1.png

26. What was your favorite scene to write and show your characters.

The final boss fight! I had it planned for so long, it was so exciting.

27. Do you allow homebrew content?

Hell yeah, I’ve made homebrew classes. I played my tactician in a one shot and i have a blood mage character planned

28. How often do you use NPCs in a party?

I had a companion NPC in my last campaign and tbh i wasn’t a fan. But I love making story-important NPCs since I feel like the interactions give the story a lot more realism and depth.

29. Do you prefer RP heavy sessions or combat sessions?

I’m not a huge fan of a lot of combat. It gets boring quickly

30. Are your players diplomatic or murder hobos?

Surprisingly diplomatic

For Players

31. What is your favorite class? Favorite race?

I love playing mages!!! Especially wizards, but I do like my warlock. I make a lot of human and elf characters but I think dwarves and tieflings are the most interesting lore-wise

32. What role do you like to play the most? (Tank/healer/etc?)

If we were talking Overwatch classes I would be defense. I like to do damage but at a distance

33. How do you write your backstory, or do you even write a backstory?

I usually start with a class and from there develop the rest of it. I try to define one or two major events in their life and how they handled them, and from there i try to let the character develop itself. I write.... so much backstory.

34. Do you tend pick weapons/spells for being useful or for flavor?

I try to be as useful as I can while still being true to the character. Like my one bard that has basically stopped adventuring and hates fighting to begin with, so there’s no way he would load up on attack spells, but would probably have 1 just in case.

35. How much roleplay do you like to do?

I love it! Honestly the hardest part is being afraid of talking to NPCs. And that’s not even because of social anxiety, it’s because I know if I want to get anything done I’m going to have to roll for it and I might fuck up horrendously even if what I’m saying makes sense.

[gwenbrightly]

Asfhfhjkl wow you've really gotten around, haha

But okay, I think I can share my favorites since I just put you through this...

1. The Goose in Charlotte's Web was reallllly fun (in spite of my very hot in the middle of June costume). I had an absolutely fantastic scene partner whom I was so in synch with that we accidentally switched parts on day without realizing it? We actually got told to tone down our dramaticness, which is a major accomplishment. I think this was also the only show where I had an actual solo, which was kinda cool! If you let me ramble about theater for long enough, you'll discover that this was the beginning of my phase of being cast as a bird in literally every show I auditioned for, haha thanks Joanne!

2. Grandma Josephine in Willie Wonka was probably the closest thing I've ever held to a lead. It was a total surprise and I'm pretty sure I actually screamed when I saw the cast list haha. I got to be sooo crazy on stage and there was a really fun comedic element I hadn't gotten to use in any other roles? Also, one of my closest friends was Grandpa Joe and... Us being stage married was probably the most chaotic forces ever. We were such dumb teens...

3. Elfette in The Happy Elf was probably the most unique role I've ever had. The show itself is just... Special. Magical and unique, yes, just... Unexpected. But I loved all the specialty dancing I got to do. And my costume was adorable. And being allowed to coat myself in glitter was literally a dream come true. Also... I danced with a plunger and it was way more fun than it sounds like it should be? please if you've never heard the poop hole song your missing out

4. Pretty much anything I did in Annie was super fun! I got to be a hobo for a bit and really improved my special effects makeup as a result. My birthday twin convinced me to make Daddy Warbucks' cheff sweedish for the sole purpose of quoting veggie tales and that was really entertaining. And then there was the entire backstory for the Boylen sisters. Not only did I love singing Never Fully Dressed, but... The director was huge on making sure every character had a backstory. We took it upon ourselves to write up a whole side plot where we were secretly spies and then handed our director a "redacted" file when she asked us to explain our backstory. I will never forget the look on her face, haha.

5. While there are certainly other roles that had their moments, I think I'd have to say that being the Huntress in Snow White was an awfully fun role to play. Because of how lenient the rights for this particular version were, the director basically wrote that part so that it was designed for me. It was so cool to have a role that just... Fit so well? I also have fond memories of trolling my dad as he attempted to murder Snow White....

Runner up is probably that time I was a Peacock in jungle book and had a 5ft wide tail attached to my back...

Since musicals are really fun to gush over... Top 5 favorite shows you've been in/roles you've played?

Oh no, what have I started... 😂 This one’s actually much easier, but I’m only doing this if you respond with your OWN favorites, k?

1. and 2. are going together because it’s a tie. I’ve never been able to choose between playing Nancy from Oliver, or Peter Pan. They are SUCH different roles and shows and I absolutely loved every moment of each!!! Nancy was a much more serious and heartfelt character to play, and it was incredible to be in a story that felt like it mattered. Peter Pan was just plain FUN. I got to be a snarky, bratty, sword-wielding boy fighting pirates and crowing like a rooster, I mean come on. ❤️💚

3. One of the Bird Girls from Seussical. It was one of the most challenging shows I’ve done musically, so it was amazing. We had so many incredible harmonies, and our costumes were fantastic and fun! 🧡💛

4. Detective Babs Doyle from “Lucky Dollar, Private Eye.” It was my first speaking role and solo song, so it’s kinda special to me. 💙

5. The Wizard of OZ. My very first show! I was a jitterbug, in one scene, and it was more than enough for me to realize how much I loved theatre. ❤️🖤

[apsbicepstraining]

7 Insane Trouble We’ll Have To Deal With In The Future

As we remind you all the time, the future ain’t what it used to be. We have no jetpacks or robot butlers, and we’ve still not upgraded from Land Wars to Star Wars. The dreamers fell short … but it is about to change that some of the pessimists came pretty close to the mark. In the same method that no one in the ‘5 0s envisaged “millions of strangers across the world inadvertently saw your dick” is to be able to become a realistic question, our near-future is likely to be filled with aggravations that chime completely ridiculous to us now.

Here are seven incoming issues that will acquire you yearn for an ape and/ or machine insurgency. At least in such a case, you wouldn’t have to put up with …

# 7. Your Fitbit Could Be Utilized As Evidence Against You

Any denizen of the digital generation knows that anything you say on the Internet can and will be used against you, specially if it’s embarrassing love story. However, that’s a logical propagation of using written material as evidence, as we’ve done for centuries. The newest road to incriminate yourself online has far less precedent: the data collected from wearable engineering, such as the Fitbit.

You can run, but you can’t secrete( the fact that you only killed a hobo ).

Yes, your clothes could send you to jail. It may sound like Law& Order: The Jetsons , but there’s no real reason this kind of data can’t be admissible in tribunal. In happening, it’s already happening. A maiden in Pennsylvania called 911 and claimed that a home invader abused her, but her Fitbit denied her story( she was awake and walking around when she said she was fast asleep ). Her own fitness watch facilitated is proof that she’d attracted the whole story out of her … you know, and now she’s facing misdemeanor charges.

So wearable tech can help make the offender to right. That’s good, right? Well, here’s where it gets fishy. There are already “alibi apps” — planneds that secretly enter all your interactions and circumvents to prove you weren’t( for example) propping a chandelier in the study when Colonel Mustard went whacked. Sounds innocent enough, until you remember that there’s a term for people who intentionally go around establishing alibis: “guilty as fuck.” Using this app is a little bit like going up to a policeman and saying, “By the direction, I’ll be at the movies this afternoon when my bride gets murdered.”

“I was at the … * looks at watch * OJ Simpson retrospective. FUCK! ”

The idea that people are already reputing onward to use their trackers as alibis means that these things will have all sorts of clusterfuck legal capability. What happens when someone offer a hobo to hold their smartphone( or straps it to a bird-dog) while they go out and do violations? Or what if someone acquires your Fitbit to incriminate you? These occasions will happen at some object. Hey, maybe that’s why everyone was becoming couch potato in WALL-E . In the future, being fit won’t is worthy of the hassle.

# 6. The First Commercial Space Shuttles Won’t Have Bathrooms

The future of tripping will involve hitting into the stratosphere instead of wheeling along the route, but that doesn’t necessitate all family vacation traditions will change. “You should’ve gone before you left” is still about to become a common phrase, except that in the future, it’s going to get much direr. Why? Because in space, everybody can see you shit.

He’s not being propelled by a plane .

All of the companies designing prominent commercial-grade space shuttles have clearly forgotten Newton’s Fourth Law of Motion: Everybody poops. None of these shuttles include showers. A excursion to the International Space Station can take between six and 30 hours — that’s a hell of a long time to “just hamper it, ” dad. Hell, even the earthbound high-speed Hyperloop being developed by Elon Musk lacks a comfort station. Oh, or windows. If you thought making gaze contact with the person or persons sitting in front of you in the instruct was tricky, wait until you’re captured in a windowless, toilet-free metallic cylinder with person for hours.

Getting carsick is another tradition that won’t be changing any time soon; in space, it’ll plainly get much more intense. There will be no spaces to wind down and no back of the road to stain. If you’re shuttle-sick( and let’s face it, “youre supposed to” is likely to be ), your little chunder-cloud will be hanging around, becoming another passenger of the aircraft. Developers acknowledge that clearing out the odor and existence of opening vomit will be extremely important, as none play around Space Invaders with the substance of your bowels.

# 5. Living Longer Will Make Family Life Really, Really Weird

One of the main benefits of living in the future is that we no longer drop dead at age 40. Now we get to stick around for decades and decades! And decades. And decades . This will ultimately have some bizarre impacts in some regions of our( increasingly lengthy) lives, starting with the workplace. To evade vanquishing the Social Security system, people will be working long long. Fifty Shades Of Grey won’t only has become a literary masterpiece; it’ll be the lineup behind the bar at your neighbourhood Starbucks.

“You’ve been taking my ordering for the past three decades. How can you still not spell my reputation right? ”

The job market will become even fiercer as girls fresh out of college have to compete with “midlife re-trainees.” Of trend, some people will ever prefer to stay in their occupations for life … which will have even more frightening ramifications. Career politicians, judges, and tenured academics might stick around for the better part of a century, as would their old-fashioned feelings. Remember Supreme Court Justice James McReynolds, the old-time mongrel who spent a good hunk of the 20 th century effectively pushing back against every type of social change? Now thoughts a Highlander version of that guy.

It gets weirder. Grey growing the new pitch-black will altogether alter which is something we think about as clas. With longer lifespans and later marriage ages, we’ll have more grandparents to take care of and fewer brothers and sisters to share that load. Family reunions will transform into an indignant mob of cybernetic geriatrics telling kids to stay off the lawn. Instead of robust family tree, we’ll have rickety family beanstalks.

“A toast to great-great-grandma Mary, who went to the shower at Thanksgiving and hasn’t am coming yet.”

Living longer will even change the very notion of wedlock — or marriages. Single lifelong organizations will become more demanding, so psychologists predict that weddings might become less “until death do us apart” and more “until we get bored of each other in a few decades.” Older pairs who would decide to condone each other if they only had 15 years left to live might say “Screw this, I’m out” when they recognises they have 50 instead.

Finally, with all the pressure living to three digits throws on matters of employment and housing marketplaces, leaving the nest will have to be delayed. So you don’t have to be ashamed about interpret Cracked at 35 in your mother’s basement; you’re merely ahead of the curve.

# 4. VR Trial And Error Will Be A Nightmare

As more and more virtual reality companionships pop up, we’re already starting to see them working to differentiate themselves from each other. Some are trying to appeal to hardcore gamers, some want to attract filthy casuals, one is aiming at people who don’t want brain damage … await, what?

This clarifies so much .

Yep, VR company Magic Leap is boasting that its headset is wholly brain-damage-free. Sure, their competitors’ products might fry your sentiment into a smoldering little ember, but their terribly same one certainly won’t! This does not announce as reassuring as they probably imagined.

While beings said the same about video games, video, and perhaps even pinball machines, this time, the brain-frying dismay has a basis in reality. VR gets your eyes to behave in ways they should not — they’ll go along with it, but there’ll be side effect. Some investigates investigating VR hire cabs for participants after sessions, because after you’ve been in polygon-land for a while, it takes time for “youve got to” relearn how to reach for things that are actually in front of you without overshooting it. It’s hazardous to drive in such a state, but we doubt your console will call an Uber for you if you’re playing alone.

Our good guess of what driving after a VR conference looks like .

Meanwhile, Samsung’s brand-new headset has a huge list of advice, including that if “youre starting” having a seizure, you are able to take it off. After all, it’s expensive engineering — you wouldn’t want to damage it.

Health issues aside, virtual reality likewise elevates complex moral questions. In one Sony VR demo, the simulation forms you flirt with a young-looking maiden, while it’s clear that you’re an old man. At the end of said demo, the developers continue the “No brain damage! ” selling veer by assuring you that the character you were interacting with was definitely give full play to an adult actress.

“Yes, it’s me, Andy Serkis.”

Whether there’s meant to be a wink with that renunciation or not, it heightens a whole legion of questions for what VR should and shouldn’t be allowed to show. Can they get away with a pedophilic simulation if “theyre saying” “No, it’s all actors and actresses”? What about a torturing simulator? What about people watching VR reruns of Two And A Half Men ? These are the hazardous a number of aspects of national societies. But would presenting them virtual simulations eradicate or irritate their predilections? That’s a question we can’t answer right now, but we do know that those in the group watching Two And A Half Men don’t need to worry about any more brain damage.

As we remind you all the time, the future ain’t what it used to be. We have no jetpacks or robot butlers, and we’ve still not improved from Land Wars to Star Wars. The dreamers fell short … but it turns out that some of the cynics came pretty close to the mark. In the same way that no one in the ‘5 0s concluded “millions of strangers across the world inadvertently saw your dick” is to be able to become a realistic difficulty, our near-future is likely to be filled with aggravations that reverberate completely ridiculous to us now.

Here are seven incoming issues that will induce you yearn for an ape and/ or machine insurgency. At least in such a case, you wouldn’t have to was put forward with …

# 7. Your Fitbit Could Be Utilized As Evidence Against You

Any denizen of the digital generation known to be anything you say on the Internet can and will be used against you, specially if it’s humiliating devotee fiction. However, that’s a logical propagation of using written information as evidence, as we’ve done for centuries. The newest channel to incriminate yourself online has much less precedent: the data collected from wearable engineering, such as the Fitbit.

You can run, but you can’t disguise( the fact that you precisely killed a hobo ).

Yes, your invests could send you to jail. It may sound like Law& Order: The Jetsons , but there’s no real reasonablenes this kind of data can’t declared admissible in court. In happening, it’s already happening. A maiden in Pennsylvania announced 911 and claimed that a home invader crimes her, but her Fitbit belied her legend( she was awake and walking around when she said she was fast asleep ). Her own fitness watch helped is proof that she’d pulled the whole story out of her … you know, and now she’s facing misdemeanor accusations.

So wearable tech going to be able to create criminals to justice. That’s good, right? Well, here’s where it gets fishy. There are already “alibi apps” — planneds that secretly enter all your interactions and borders to attest you weren’t( for example) nursing a chandelier in such studies when Colonel Mustard went slapped. Sounds innocent enough, until you remember that there’s a expression for people who intentionally go around launching alibis: “guilty as fuck.” Using this app is a little bit like going up to a polouse and saying, “By the room, I’ll be at the movies this afternoon when my partner gets murdered.”

“I was at the … * looks at watch * OJ Simpson retrospective. FUCK! ”

The idea that people are already anticipating ahead to use their trackers as alibis means that these things will have all sorts of clusterfuck legal potential. What happens when someone compensates a hobo to hold their smartphone( or buckle it to a hound) while they go out and do crimes? Or what if someone borrows your Fitbit to incriminate you? These happens will happen at some object. Hey, maybe that’s why everyone becomes a couch potato in WALL-E . In the future, being fit won’t be worth the hassle.

# 6. The First Commercial Space Shuttles Won’t Have Bathrooms

The future of tripping will involve killing into the stratosphere instead of rolling along the freeway, but that doesn’t represent all family vacation habits will change. “You should’ve been going on you left” is still going to be a common motto, except that in the future, it’s going to be much direr. Why? Because in space, everybody can see you shit.

He’s not being propelled by a spurt .

All of the companies designing foremost commercial space shuttles have been remarkably forgotten Newton’s Fourth Law of Motion: Everybody poops. None of these shuttles include bathrooms. A trip-up to the International Space Station can take between six and 30 hours — that’s a inferno of a long time to “just hamper it, ” dad. Hell, even the earthbound high-speed Hyperloop being developed by Elon Musk lacks a comfort station. Oh, or windows. If you thought acquiring seeing contact with the person or persons sitting in front of you in the train was awkward, delayed until you’re captured in a windowless, toilet-free metal cylinder with someone for hours.

Getting carsick is another tradition that won’t be changing any time soon; in space, it’ll simply get much more intense. There will be no windows to wind down and no side of the road to stain. If you’re shuttle-sick( and let’s face it, “youre supposed to” is likely to be ), your little chunder-cloud is likely to be hanging around, becoming another passenger of the skill. Developers acknowledge that clearing out the odor and attendance of seat vomit will be extremely important, as nothing play around Space Invaders with the substance of your bowels.

# 5. Living Longer Will Make Family Life Really, Really Weird

One of the main benefits of living in the future is that we no longer drop dead at age 40. Now we get to stick around for decades and decades! And decades. And decades . This will eventually have some creepy outcomes in some regions of our( increasingly lengthy) lives, starting with the workplace. To forestall vanquishing the Social Security system, people will be working much longer. Fifty Shades Of Grey won’t simply be a literary masterpiece; it’ll be the lineup behind the counter at your local Starbucks.

“You’ve been taking my ordering for the past three decades. How can you still not spell my reputation right? ”

The job market will become even fiercer as girls fresh out of college have to compete with “midlife re-trainees.” Of track, some people will ever prefer to stay in their professions for life … which will have even more unnerving deductions. Career politicians, judges, and tenured professors might stick around for the better part of a century, as would their old-fashioned thoughts. Remember Supreme Court Justice James McReynolds, the old mongrel who spent a good glob of the 20 th century effectively pushing back against every type of social change? Now sees a Highlander version of that guy.

It get weirder. Grey becoming the brand-new black will absolutely shift what we think of as pedigree. With longer lifespans and later union ages, we’ll have more grandparents to take care of and fewer brothers and sisters to share that quantity. Family reunions will transform into an enraged syndicate of cybernetic geriatrics telling kids to stay off the lawn. Instead of robust family trees, we’ll have rickety family beanstalks.

“A toast to great-great-grandma Mary, who went to the bathroom at Thanksgiving and hasn’t am coming yet.”

Living longer will even change the very notion of matrimony — or marriages. Single lifelong unions will become more demanding, so psychologists predict that unions might become less “until death do us apart” and more “until we get bored of each other in a few decades.” Older couples who would decide to condone one another if they only had 15 years left to live might say “Screw this, I’m out” when they realises they have 50 instead.

Finally, with all the pressure living to three digits gives on matters of employment and housing sells, leaving the nest will have to be delayed. So you don’t have to be ashamed about construe Cracked at 35 in your mother’s basement; you’re simply ahead of the curve.

# 4. VR Trial And Error Will Be A Nightmare

As more and more virtual reality firms pop up, we’re already starting to see them working to differentiate themselves from one another. Some are trying to appeal to hardcore gamers, some want to attract filthy casuals, one is aiming at people who don’t want brain damage … waiting, what?

This shows so much .

Yep, VR company Magic Leap is boasting that its headset is absolutely brain-damage-free. Sure, their competitors’ commodities might fry your intellect into a smoldering little ember, but their particularly same one certainly won’t! This does not sound as reassuring as they probably imagined.

While beings said the same about video games, television, and perhaps even pinball machines, this time, the brain-frying fright has a basis in reality. VR gets your eyes to behave in ways they should not — they’ll go along with it, but there’ll be side effects. Some investigates analyzing VR hire cabs for participants after conferences, because after you’ve been in polygon-land for a while, it takes time for “youve got to” relearn how to reach for acts that are actually in front of you without overshooting it. It’s hazardous to drive in such a state, but we doubt your console will call an Uber for you if you’re playing alone.

Our best guess of what driving after a VR seminar looks like .

Meanwhile, Samsung’s new headset has a huge list of admonishings, including the right if you start having a seizure, you are able to take it off. After all, it’s expensive engineering — you wouldn’t want to damage it.

Health editions aside, virtual reality also promotes complex moral difficulties. In one Sony VR demo, the pretending stirs you flirt with a young-looking wife, while it’s clear that you’re an old boy. At the end of said demo, the developers continue the “No brain damage! ” selling veer by assuring you that the character you were interacting with was definitely played by young adults actress.

“Yes, it’s me, Andy Serkis.”

Whether there’s meant to be a wink with that disclaimer or not, it causes a whole host of questions for what VR should and shouldn’t be allowed to show. Can they get away with a pedophilic simulation if they say “No, it’s all actors and actresses”? What about a anguish simulator? What about people watching VR reruns of Two And A Half Men ? These are the hazardous a number of aspects of national societies. But would affording them virtual simulations eradicate or irritate their tendencies? That’s a question we can’t answer right now, but we do know that those in the group watching Two And A Half Men don’t need to worry about any more brain damage.

The post 7 Insane Trouble We’ll Have To Deal With In The Future appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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[apsbicepstraining]

7 Insane Trouble We’ll Have To Deal With In The Future

As we remind you all the time, the future ain’t what it used to be. We have no jetpacks or robot butlers, and we’ve still not upgraded from Land Wars to Star Wars. The dreamers fell short … but it is about to change that some of the pessimists came pretty close to the mark. In the same method that no one in the ‘5 0s envisaged “millions of strangers across the world inadvertently saw your dick” is to be able to become a realistic question, our near-future is likely to be filled with aggravations that chime completely ridiculous to us now.

Here are seven incoming issues that will acquire you yearn for an ape and/ or machine insurgency. At least in such a case, you wouldn’t have to put up with …

# 7. Your Fitbit Could Be Utilized As Evidence Against You

Any denizen of the digital generation knows that anything you say on the Internet can and will be used against you, specially if it’s embarrassing love story. However, that’s a logical propagation of using written material as evidence, as we’ve done for centuries. The newest road to incriminate yourself online has far less precedent: the data collected from wearable engineering, such as the Fitbit.

You can run, but you can’t secrete( the fact that you only killed a hobo ).

Yes, your clothes could send you to jail. It may sound like Law& Order: The Jetsons , but there’s no real reason this kind of data can’t be admissible in tribunal. In happening, it’s already happening. A maiden in Pennsylvania called 911 and claimed that a home invader abused her, but her Fitbit denied her story( she was awake and walking around when she said she was fast asleep ). Her own fitness watch facilitated is proof that she’d attracted the whole story out of her … you know, and now she’s facing misdemeanor charges.

So wearable tech can help make the offender to right. That’s good, right? Well, here’s where it gets fishy. There are already “alibi apps” — planneds that secretly enter all your interactions and circumvents to prove you weren’t( for example) propping a chandelier in the study when Colonel Mustard went whacked. Sounds innocent enough, until you remember that there’s a term for people who intentionally go around establishing alibis: “guilty as fuck.” Using this app is a little bit like going up to a policeman and saying, “By the direction, I’ll be at the movies this afternoon when my bride gets murdered.”

“I was at the … * looks at watch * OJ Simpson retrospective. FUCK! ”

The idea that people are already reputing onward to use their trackers as alibis means that these things will have all sorts of clusterfuck legal capability. What happens when someone offer a hobo to hold their smartphone( or straps it to a bird-dog) while they go out and do violations? Or what if someone acquires your Fitbit to incriminate you? These occasions will happen at some object. Hey, maybe that’s why everyone was becoming couch potato in WALL-E . In the future, being fit won’t is worthy of the hassle.

# 6. The First Commercial Space Shuttles Won’t Have Bathrooms

The future of tripping will involve hitting into the stratosphere instead of wheeling along the route, but that doesn’t necessitate all family vacation traditions will change. “You should’ve gone before you left” is still about to become a common phrase, except that in the future, it’s going to get much direr. Why? Because in space, everybody can see you shit.

He’s not being propelled by a plane .

All of the companies designing prominent commercial-grade space shuttles have clearly forgotten Newton’s Fourth Law of Motion: Everybody poops. None of these shuttles include showers. A excursion to the International Space Station can take between six and 30 hours — that’s a hell of a long time to “just hamper it, ” dad. Hell, even the earthbound high-speed Hyperloop being developed by Elon Musk lacks a comfort station. Oh, or windows. If you thought making gaze contact with the person or persons sitting in front of you in the instruct was tricky, wait until you’re captured in a windowless, toilet-free metallic cylinder with person for hours.

Getting carsick is another tradition that won’t be changing any time soon; in space, it’ll plainly get much more intense. There will be no spaces to wind down and no back of the road to stain. If you’re shuttle-sick( and let’s face it, “youre supposed to” is likely to be ), your little chunder-cloud will be hanging around, becoming another passenger of the aircraft. Developers acknowledge that clearing out the odor and existence of opening vomit will be extremely important, as none play around Space Invaders with the substance of your bowels.

# 5. Living Longer Will Make Family Life Really, Really Weird

One of the main benefits of living in the future is that we no longer drop dead at age 40. Now we get to stick around for decades and decades! And decades. And decades . This will ultimately have some bizarre impacts in some regions of our( increasingly lengthy) lives, starting with the workplace. To evade vanquishing the Social Security system, people will be working long long. Fifty Shades Of Grey won’t only has become a literary masterpiece; it’ll be the lineup behind the bar at your neighbourhood Starbucks.

“You’ve been taking my ordering for the past three decades. How can you still not spell my reputation right? ”

The job market will become even fiercer as girls fresh out of college have to compete with “midlife re-trainees.” Of trend, some people will ever prefer to stay in their occupations for life … which will have even more frightening ramifications. Career politicians, judges, and tenured academics might stick around for the better part of a century, as would their old-fashioned feelings. Remember Supreme Court Justice James McReynolds, the old-time mongrel who spent a good hunk of the 20 th century effectively pushing back against every type of social change? Now thoughts a Highlander version of that guy.

It gets weirder. Grey growing the new pitch-black will altogether alter which is something we think about as clas. With longer lifespans and later marriage ages, we’ll have more grandparents to take care of and fewer brothers and sisters to share that load. Family reunions will transform into an indignant mob of cybernetic geriatrics telling kids to stay off the lawn. Instead of robust family tree, we’ll have rickety family beanstalks.

“A toast to great-great-grandma Mary, who went to the shower at Thanksgiving and hasn’t am coming yet.”

Living longer will even change the very notion of wedlock — or marriages. Single lifelong organizations will become more demanding, so psychologists predict that weddings might become less “until death do us apart” and more “until we get bored of each other in a few decades.” Older pairs who would decide to condone each other if they only had 15 years left to live might say “Screw this, I’m out” when they recognises they have 50 instead.

Finally, with all the pressure living to three digits throws on matters of employment and housing marketplaces, leaving the nest will have to be delayed. So you don’t have to be ashamed about interpret Cracked at 35 in your mother’s basement; you’re merely ahead of the curve.

# 4. VR Trial And Error Will Be A Nightmare

As more and more virtual reality companionships pop up, we’re already starting to see them working to differentiate themselves from each other. Some are trying to appeal to hardcore gamers, some want to attract filthy casuals, one is aiming at people who don’t want brain damage … await, what?

This clarifies so much .

Yep, VR company Magic Leap is boasting that its headset is wholly brain-damage-free. Sure, their competitors’ products might fry your sentiment into a smoldering little ember, but their terribly same one certainly won’t! This does not announce as reassuring as they probably imagined.

While beings said the same about video games, video, and perhaps even pinball machines, this time, the brain-frying dismay has a basis in reality. VR gets your eyes to behave in ways they should not — they’ll go along with it, but there’ll be side effect. Some investigates investigating VR hire cabs for participants after sessions, because after you’ve been in polygon-land for a while, it takes time for “youve got to” relearn how to reach for things that are actually in front of you without overshooting it. It’s hazardous to drive in such a state, but we doubt your console will call an Uber for you if you’re playing alone.

Our good guess of what driving after a VR conference looks like .

Meanwhile, Samsung’s brand-new headset has a huge list of advice, including that if “youre starting” having a seizure, you are able to take it off. After all, it’s expensive engineering — you wouldn’t want to damage it.

Health issues aside, virtual reality likewise elevates complex moral questions. In one Sony VR demo, the simulation forms you flirt with a young-looking maiden, while it’s clear that you’re an old man. At the end of said demo, the developers continue the “No brain damage! ” selling veer by assuring you that the character you were interacting with was definitely give full play to an adult actress.

“Yes, it’s me, Andy Serkis.”

Whether there’s meant to be a wink with that renunciation or not, it heightens a whole legion of questions for what VR should and shouldn’t be allowed to show. Can they get away with a pedophilic simulation if “theyre saying” “No, it’s all actors and actresses”? What about a torturing simulator? What about people watching VR reruns of Two And A Half Men ? These are the hazardous a number of aspects of national societies. But would presenting them virtual simulations eradicate or irritate their predilections? That’s a question we can’t answer right now, but we do know that those in the group watching Two And A Half Men don’t need to worry about any more brain damage.

As we remind you all the time, the future ain’t what it used to be. We have no jetpacks or robot butlers, and we’ve still not improved from Land Wars to Star Wars. The dreamers fell short … but it turns out that some of the cynics came pretty close to the mark. In the same way that no one in the ‘5 0s concluded “millions of strangers across the world inadvertently saw your dick” is to be able to become a realistic difficulty, our near-future is likely to be filled with aggravations that reverberate completely ridiculous to us now.

Here are seven incoming issues that will induce you yearn for an ape and/ or machine insurgency. At least in such a case, you wouldn’t have to was put forward with …

# 7. Your Fitbit Could Be Utilized As Evidence Against You

Any denizen of the digital generation known to be anything you say on the Internet can and will be used against you, specially if it’s humiliating devotee fiction. However, that’s a logical propagation of using written information as evidence, as we’ve done for centuries. The newest channel to incriminate yourself online has much less precedent: the data collected from wearable engineering, such as the Fitbit.

You can run, but you can’t disguise( the fact that you precisely killed a hobo ).

Yes, your invests could send you to jail. It may sound like Law& Order: The Jetsons , but there’s no real reasonablenes this kind of data can’t declared admissible in court. In happening, it’s already happening. A maiden in Pennsylvania announced 911 and claimed that a home invader crimes her, but her Fitbit belied her legend( she was awake and walking around when she said she was fast asleep ). Her own fitness watch helped is proof that she’d pulled the whole story out of her … you know, and now she’s facing misdemeanor accusations.

So wearable tech going to be able to create criminals to justice. That’s good, right? Well, here’s where it gets fishy. There are already “alibi apps” — planneds that secretly enter all your interactions and borders to attest you weren’t( for example) nursing a chandelier in such studies when Colonel Mustard went slapped. Sounds innocent enough, until you remember that there’s a expression for people who intentionally go around launching alibis: “guilty as fuck.” Using this app is a little bit like going up to a polouse and saying, “By the room, I’ll be at the movies this afternoon when my partner gets murdered.”

“I was at the … * looks at watch * OJ Simpson retrospective. FUCK! ”

The idea that people are already anticipating ahead to use their trackers as alibis means that these things will have all sorts of clusterfuck legal potential. What happens when someone compensates a hobo to hold their smartphone( or buckle it to a hound) while they go out and do crimes? Or what if someone borrows your Fitbit to incriminate you? These happens will happen at some object. Hey, maybe that’s why everyone becomes a couch potato in WALL-E . In the future, being fit won’t be worth the hassle.

# 6. The First Commercial Space Shuttles Won’t Have Bathrooms

The future of tripping will involve killing into the stratosphere instead of rolling along the freeway, but that doesn’t represent all family vacation habits will change. “You should’ve been going on you left” is still going to be a common motto, except that in the future, it’s going to be much direr. Why? Because in space, everybody can see you shit.

He’s not being propelled by a spurt .

All of the companies designing foremost commercial space shuttles have been remarkably forgotten Newton’s Fourth Law of Motion: Everybody poops. None of these shuttles include bathrooms. A trip-up to the International Space Station can take between six and 30 hours — that’s a inferno of a long time to “just hamper it, ” dad. Hell, even the earthbound high-speed Hyperloop being developed by Elon Musk lacks a comfort station. Oh, or windows. If you thought acquiring seeing contact with the person or persons sitting in front of you in the train was awkward, delayed until you’re captured in a windowless, toilet-free metal cylinder with someone for hours.

Getting carsick is another tradition that won’t be changing any time soon; in space, it’ll simply get much more intense. There will be no windows to wind down and no side of the road to stain. If you’re shuttle-sick( and let’s face it, “youre supposed to” is likely to be ), your little chunder-cloud is likely to be hanging around, becoming another passenger of the skill. Developers acknowledge that clearing out the odor and attendance of seat vomit will be extremely important, as nothing play around Space Invaders with the substance of your bowels.

# 5. Living Longer Will Make Family Life Really, Really Weird

One of the main benefits of living in the future is that we no longer drop dead at age 40. Now we get to stick around for decades and decades! And decades. And decades . This will eventually have some creepy outcomes in some regions of our( increasingly lengthy) lives, starting with the workplace. To forestall vanquishing the Social Security system, people will be working much longer. Fifty Shades Of Grey won’t simply be a literary masterpiece; it’ll be the lineup behind the counter at your local Starbucks.

“You’ve been taking my ordering for the past three decades. How can you still not spell my reputation right? ”

The job market will become even fiercer as girls fresh out of college have to compete with “midlife re-trainees.” Of track, some people will ever prefer to stay in their professions for life … which will have even more unnerving deductions. Career politicians, judges, and tenured professors might stick around for the better part of a century, as would their old-fashioned thoughts. Remember Supreme Court Justice James McReynolds, the old mongrel who spent a good glob of the 20 th century effectively pushing back against every type of social change? Now sees a Highlander version of that guy.

It get weirder. Grey becoming the brand-new black will absolutely shift what we think of as pedigree. With longer lifespans and later union ages, we’ll have more grandparents to take care of and fewer brothers and sisters to share that quantity. Family reunions will transform into an enraged syndicate of cybernetic geriatrics telling kids to stay off the lawn. Instead of robust family trees, we’ll have rickety family beanstalks.

“A toast to great-great-grandma Mary, who went to the bathroom at Thanksgiving and hasn’t am coming yet.”

Living longer will even change the very notion of matrimony — or marriages. Single lifelong unions will become more demanding, so psychologists predict that unions might become less “until death do us apart” and more “until we get bored of each other in a few decades.” Older couples who would decide to condone one another if they only had 15 years left to live might say “Screw this, I’m out” when they realises they have 50 instead.

Finally, with all the pressure living to three digits gives on matters of employment and housing sells, leaving the nest will have to be delayed. So you don’t have to be ashamed about construe Cracked at 35 in your mother’s basement; you’re simply ahead of the curve.

# 4. VR Trial And Error Will Be A Nightmare

As more and more virtual reality firms pop up, we’re already starting to see them working to differentiate themselves from one another. Some are trying to appeal to hardcore gamers, some want to attract filthy casuals, one is aiming at people who don’t want brain damage … waiting, what?

This shows so much .

Yep, VR company Magic Leap is boasting that its headset is absolutely brain-damage-free. Sure, their competitors’ commodities might fry your intellect into a smoldering little ember, but their particularly same one certainly won’t! This does not sound as reassuring as they probably imagined.

While beings said the same about video games, television, and perhaps even pinball machines, this time, the brain-frying fright has a basis in reality. VR gets your eyes to behave in ways they should not — they’ll go along with it, but there’ll be side effects. Some investigates analyzing VR hire cabs for participants after conferences, because after you’ve been in polygon-land for a while, it takes time for “youve got to” relearn how to reach for acts that are actually in front of you without overshooting it. It’s hazardous to drive in such a state, but we doubt your console will call an Uber for you if you’re playing alone.

Our best guess of what driving after a VR seminar looks like .

Meanwhile, Samsung’s new headset has a huge list of admonishings, including the right if you start having a seizure, you are able to take it off. After all, it’s expensive engineering — you wouldn’t want to damage it.

Health editions aside, virtual reality also promotes complex moral difficulties. In one Sony VR demo, the pretending stirs you flirt with a young-looking wife, while it’s clear that you’re an old boy. At the end of said demo, the developers continue the “No brain damage! ” selling veer by assuring you that the character you were interacting with was definitely played by young adults actress.

“Yes, it’s me, Andy Serkis.”

Whether there’s meant to be a wink with that disclaimer or not, it causes a whole host of questions for what VR should and shouldn’t be allowed to show. Can they get away with a pedophilic simulation if they say “No, it’s all actors and actresses”? What about a anguish simulator? What about people watching VR reruns of Two And A Half Men ? These are the hazardous a number of aspects of national societies. But would affording them virtual simulations eradicate or irritate their tendencies? That’s a question we can’t answer right now, but we do know that those in the group watching Two And A Half Men don’t need to worry about any more brain damage.

The post 7 Insane Trouble We’ll Have To Deal With In The Future appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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7 Insane Trouble We’ll Have To Deal With In The Future

As we remind you all the time, the future ain’t what it used to be. We have no jetpacks or robot butlers, and we’ve still not upgraded from Land Wars to Star Wars. The dreamers fell short … but it is about to change that some of the pessimists came pretty close to the mark. In the same method that no one in the ‘5 0s envisaged “millions of strangers across the world inadvertently saw your dick” is to be able to become a realistic question, our near-future is likely to be filled with aggravations that chime completely ridiculous to us now.

Here are seven incoming issues that will acquire you yearn for an ape and/ or machine insurgency. At least in such a case, you wouldn’t have to put up with …

# 7. Your Fitbit Could Be Utilized As Evidence Against You

Any denizen of the digital generation knows that anything you say on the Internet can and will be used against you, specially if it’s embarrassing love story. However, that’s a logical propagation of using written material as evidence, as we’ve done for centuries. The newest road to incriminate yourself online has far less precedent: the data collected from wearable engineering, such as the Fitbit.

You can run, but you can’t secrete( the fact that you only killed a hobo ).

Yes, your clothes could send you to jail. It may sound like Law& Order: The Jetsons , but there’s no real reason this kind of data can’t be admissible in tribunal. In happening, it’s already happening. A maiden in Pennsylvania called 911 and claimed that a home invader abused her, but her Fitbit denied her story( she was awake and walking around when she said she was fast asleep ). Her own fitness watch facilitated is proof that she’d attracted the whole story out of her … you know, and now she’s facing misdemeanor charges.

So wearable tech can help make the offender to right. That’s good, right? Well, here’s where it gets fishy. There are already “alibi apps” — planneds that secretly enter all your interactions and circumvents to prove you weren’t( for example) propping a chandelier in the study when Colonel Mustard went whacked. Sounds innocent enough, until you remember that there’s a term for people who intentionally go around establishing alibis: “guilty as fuck.” Using this app is a little bit like going up to a policeman and saying, “By the direction, I’ll be at the movies this afternoon when my bride gets murdered.”

“I was at the … * looks at watch * OJ Simpson retrospective. FUCK! ”

The idea that people are already reputing onward to use their trackers as alibis means that these things will have all sorts of clusterfuck legal capability. What happens when someone offer a hobo to hold their smartphone( or straps it to a bird-dog) while they go out and do violations? Or what if someone acquires your Fitbit to incriminate you? These occasions will happen at some object. Hey, maybe that’s why everyone was becoming couch potato in WALL-E . In the future, being fit won’t is worthy of the hassle.

# 6. The First Commercial Space Shuttles Won’t Have Bathrooms

The future of tripping will involve hitting into the stratosphere instead of wheeling along the route, but that doesn’t necessitate all family vacation traditions will change. “You should’ve gone before you left” is still about to become a common phrase, except that in the future, it’s going to get much direr. Why? Because in space, everybody can see you shit.

He’s not being propelled by a plane .

All of the companies designing prominent commercial-grade space shuttles have clearly forgotten Newton’s Fourth Law of Motion: Everybody poops. None of these shuttles include showers. A excursion to the International Space Station can take between six and 30 hours — that’s a hell of a long time to “just hamper it, ” dad. Hell, even the earthbound high-speed Hyperloop being developed by Elon Musk lacks a comfort station. Oh, or windows. If you thought making gaze contact with the person or persons sitting in front of you in the instruct was tricky, wait until you’re captured in a windowless, toilet-free metallic cylinder with person for hours.

Getting carsick is another tradition that won’t be changing any time soon; in space, it’ll plainly get much more intense. There will be no spaces to wind down and no back of the road to stain. If you’re shuttle-sick( and let’s face it, “youre supposed to” is likely to be ), your little chunder-cloud will be hanging around, becoming another passenger of the aircraft. Developers acknowledge that clearing out the odor and existence of opening vomit will be extremely important, as none play around Space Invaders with the substance of your bowels.

# 5. Living Longer Will Make Family Life Really, Really Weird

One of the main benefits of living in the future is that we no longer drop dead at age 40. Now we get to stick around for decades and decades! And decades. And decades . This will ultimately have some bizarre impacts in some regions of our( increasingly lengthy) lives, starting with the workplace. To evade vanquishing the Social Security system, people will be working long long. Fifty Shades Of Grey won’t only has become a literary masterpiece; it’ll be the lineup behind the bar at your neighbourhood Starbucks.

“You’ve been taking my ordering for the past three decades. How can you still not spell my reputation right? ”

The job market will become even fiercer as girls fresh out of college have to compete with “midlife re-trainees.” Of trend, some people will ever prefer to stay in their occupations for life … which will have even more frightening ramifications. Career politicians, judges, and tenured academics might stick around for the better part of a century, as would their old-fashioned feelings. Remember Supreme Court Justice James McReynolds, the old-time mongrel who spent a good hunk of the 20 th century effectively pushing back against every type of social change? Now thoughts a Highlander version of that guy.

It gets weirder. Grey growing the new pitch-black will altogether alter which is something we think about as clas. With longer lifespans and later marriage ages, we’ll have more grandparents to take care of and fewer brothers and sisters to share that load. Family reunions will transform into an indignant mob of cybernetic geriatrics telling kids to stay off the lawn. Instead of robust family tree, we’ll have rickety family beanstalks.

“A toast to great-great-grandma Mary, who went to the shower at Thanksgiving and hasn’t am coming yet.”

Living longer will even change the very notion of wedlock — or marriages. Single lifelong organizations will become more demanding, so psychologists predict that weddings might become less “until death do us apart” and more “until we get bored of each other in a few decades.” Older pairs who would decide to condone each other if they only had 15 years left to live might say “Screw this, I’m out” when they recognises they have 50 instead.

Finally, with all the pressure living to three digits throws on matters of employment and housing marketplaces, leaving the nest will have to be delayed. So you don’t have to be ashamed about interpret Cracked at 35 in your mother’s basement; you’re merely ahead of the curve.

# 4. VR Trial And Error Will Be A Nightmare

As more and more virtual reality companionships pop up, we’re already starting to see them working to differentiate themselves from each other. Some are trying to appeal to hardcore gamers, some want to attract filthy casuals, one is aiming at people who don’t want brain damage … await, what?

This clarifies so much .

Yep, VR company Magic Leap is boasting that its headset is wholly brain-damage-free. Sure, their competitors’ products might fry your sentiment into a smoldering little ember, but their terribly same one certainly won’t! This does not announce as reassuring as they probably imagined.

While beings said the same about video games, video, and perhaps even pinball machines, this time, the brain-frying dismay has a basis in reality. VR gets your eyes to behave in ways they should not — they’ll go along with it, but there’ll be side effect. Some investigates investigating VR hire cabs for participants after sessions, because after you’ve been in polygon-land for a while, it takes time for “youve got to” relearn how to reach for things that are actually in front of you without overshooting it. It’s hazardous to drive in such a state, but we doubt your console will call an Uber for you if you’re playing alone.

Our good guess of what driving after a VR conference looks like .

Meanwhile, Samsung’s brand-new headset has a huge list of advice, including that if “youre starting” having a seizure, you are able to take it off. After all, it’s expensive engineering — you wouldn’t want to damage it.

Health issues aside, virtual reality likewise elevates complex moral questions. In one Sony VR demo, the simulation forms you flirt with a young-looking maiden, while it’s clear that you’re an old man. At the end of said demo, the developers continue the “No brain damage! ” selling veer by assuring you that the character you were interacting with was definitely give full play to an adult actress.

“Yes, it’s me, Andy Serkis.”

Whether there’s meant to be a wink with that renunciation or not, it heightens a whole legion of questions for what VR should and shouldn’t be allowed to show. Can they get away with a pedophilic simulation if “theyre saying” “No, it’s all actors and actresses”? What about a torturing simulator? What about people watching VR reruns of Two And A Half Men ? These are the hazardous a number of aspects of national societies. But would presenting them virtual simulations eradicate or irritate their predilections? That’s a question we can’t answer right now, but we do know that those in the group watching Two And A Half Men don’t need to worry about any more brain damage.

As we remind you all the time, the future ain’t what it used to be. We have no jetpacks or robot butlers, and we’ve still not improved from Land Wars to Star Wars. The dreamers fell short … but it turns out that some of the cynics came pretty close to the mark. In the same way that no one in the ‘5 0s concluded “millions of strangers across the world inadvertently saw your dick” is to be able to become a realistic difficulty, our near-future is likely to be filled with aggravations that reverberate completely ridiculous to us now.

Here are seven incoming issues that will induce you yearn for an ape and/ or machine insurgency. At least in such a case, you wouldn’t have to was put forward with …

# 7. Your Fitbit Could Be Utilized As Evidence Against You

Any denizen of the digital generation known to be anything you say on the Internet can and will be used against you, specially if it’s humiliating devotee fiction. However, that’s a logical propagation of using written information as evidence, as we’ve done for centuries. The newest channel to incriminate yourself online has much less precedent: the data collected from wearable engineering, such as the Fitbit.

You can run, but you can’t disguise( the fact that you precisely killed a hobo ).

Yes, your invests could send you to jail. It may sound like Law& Order: The Jetsons , but there’s no real reasonablenes this kind of data can’t declared admissible in court. In happening, it’s already happening. A maiden in Pennsylvania announced 911 and claimed that a home invader crimes her, but her Fitbit belied her legend( she was awake and walking around when she said she was fast asleep ). Her own fitness watch helped is proof that she’d pulled the whole story out of her … you know, and now she’s facing misdemeanor accusations.

So wearable tech going to be able to create criminals to justice. That’s good, right? Well, here’s where it gets fishy. There are already “alibi apps” — planneds that secretly enter all your interactions and borders to attest you weren’t( for example) nursing a chandelier in such studies when Colonel Mustard went slapped. Sounds innocent enough, until you remember that there’s a expression for people who intentionally go around launching alibis: “guilty as fuck.” Using this app is a little bit like going up to a polouse and saying, “By the room, I’ll be at the movies this afternoon when my partner gets murdered.”

“I was at the … * looks at watch * OJ Simpson retrospective. FUCK! ”

The idea that people are already anticipating ahead to use their trackers as alibis means that these things will have all sorts of clusterfuck legal potential. What happens when someone compensates a hobo to hold their smartphone( or buckle it to a hound) while they go out and do crimes? Or what if someone borrows your Fitbit to incriminate you? These happens will happen at some object. Hey, maybe that’s why everyone becomes a couch potato in WALL-E . In the future, being fit won’t be worth the hassle.

# 6. The First Commercial Space Shuttles Won’t Have Bathrooms

The future of tripping will involve killing into the stratosphere instead of rolling along the freeway, but that doesn’t represent all family vacation habits will change. “You should’ve been going on you left” is still going to be a common motto, except that in the future, it’s going to be much direr. Why? Because in space, everybody can see you shit.

He’s not being propelled by a spurt .

All of the companies designing foremost commercial space shuttles have been remarkably forgotten Newton’s Fourth Law of Motion: Everybody poops. None of these shuttles include bathrooms. A trip-up to the International Space Station can take between six and 30 hours — that’s a inferno of a long time to “just hamper it, ” dad. Hell, even the earthbound high-speed Hyperloop being developed by Elon Musk lacks a comfort station. Oh, or windows. If you thought acquiring seeing contact with the person or persons sitting in front of you in the train was awkward, delayed until you’re captured in a windowless, toilet-free metal cylinder with someone for hours.

Getting carsick is another tradition that won’t be changing any time soon; in space, it’ll simply get much more intense. There will be no windows to wind down and no side of the road to stain. If you’re shuttle-sick( and let’s face it, “youre supposed to” is likely to be ), your little chunder-cloud is likely to be hanging around, becoming another passenger of the skill. Developers acknowledge that clearing out the odor and attendance of seat vomit will be extremely important, as nothing play around Space Invaders with the substance of your bowels.

# 5. Living Longer Will Make Family Life Really, Really Weird

One of the main benefits of living in the future is that we no longer drop dead at age 40. Now we get to stick around for decades and decades! And decades. And decades . This will eventually have some creepy outcomes in some regions of our( increasingly lengthy) lives, starting with the workplace. To forestall vanquishing the Social Security system, people will be working much longer. Fifty Shades Of Grey won’t simply be a literary masterpiece; it’ll be the lineup behind the counter at your local Starbucks.

“You’ve been taking my ordering for the past three decades. How can you still not spell my reputation right? ”

The job market will become even fiercer as girls fresh out of college have to compete with “midlife re-trainees.” Of track, some people will ever prefer to stay in their professions for life … which will have even more unnerving deductions. Career politicians, judges, and tenured professors might stick around for the better part of a century, as would their old-fashioned thoughts. Remember Supreme Court Justice James McReynolds, the old mongrel who spent a good glob of the 20 th century effectively pushing back against every type of social change? Now sees a Highlander version of that guy.

It get weirder. Grey becoming the brand-new black will absolutely shift what we think of as pedigree. With longer lifespans and later union ages, we’ll have more grandparents to take care of and fewer brothers and sisters to share that quantity. Family reunions will transform into an enraged syndicate of cybernetic geriatrics telling kids to stay off the lawn. Instead of robust family trees, we’ll have rickety family beanstalks.

“A toast to great-great-grandma Mary, who went to the bathroom at Thanksgiving and hasn’t am coming yet.”

Living longer will even change the very notion of matrimony — or marriages. Single lifelong unions will become more demanding, so psychologists predict that unions might become less “until death do us apart” and more “until we get bored of each other in a few decades.” Older couples who would decide to condone one another if they only had 15 years left to live might say “Screw this, I’m out” when they realises they have 50 instead.

Finally, with all the pressure living to three digits gives on matters of employment and housing sells, leaving the nest will have to be delayed. So you don’t have to be ashamed about construe Cracked at 35 in your mother’s basement; you’re simply ahead of the curve.

# 4. VR Trial And Error Will Be A Nightmare

As more and more virtual reality firms pop up, we’re already starting to see them working to differentiate themselves from one another. Some are trying to appeal to hardcore gamers, some want to attract filthy casuals, one is aiming at people who don’t want brain damage … waiting, what?

This shows so much .

Yep, VR company Magic Leap is boasting that its headset is absolutely brain-damage-free. Sure, their competitors’ commodities might fry your intellect into a smoldering little ember, but their particularly same one certainly won’t! This does not sound as reassuring as they probably imagined.

While beings said the same about video games, television, and perhaps even pinball machines, this time, the brain-frying fright has a basis in reality. VR gets your eyes to behave in ways they should not — they’ll go along with it, but there’ll be side effects. Some investigates analyzing VR hire cabs for participants after conferences, because after you’ve been in polygon-land for a while, it takes time for “youve got to” relearn how to reach for acts that are actually in front of you without overshooting it. It’s hazardous to drive in such a state, but we doubt your console will call an Uber for you if you’re playing alone.

Our best guess of what driving after a VR seminar looks like .

Meanwhile, Samsung’s new headset has a huge list of admonishings, including the right if you start having a seizure, you are able to take it off. After all, it’s expensive engineering — you wouldn’t want to damage it.

Health editions aside, virtual reality also promotes complex moral difficulties. In one Sony VR demo, the pretending stirs you flirt with a young-looking wife, while it’s clear that you’re an old boy. At the end of said demo, the developers continue the “No brain damage! ” selling veer by assuring you that the character you were interacting with was definitely played by young adults actress.

“Yes, it’s me, Andy Serkis.”

Whether there’s meant to be a wink with that disclaimer or not, it causes a whole host of questions for what VR should and shouldn’t be allowed to show. Can they get away with a pedophilic simulation if they say “No, it’s all actors and actresses”? What about a anguish simulator? What about people watching VR reruns of Two And A Half Men ? These are the hazardous a number of aspects of national societies. But would affording them virtual simulations eradicate or irritate their tendencies? That’s a question we can’t answer right now, but we do know that those in the group watching Two And A Half Men don’t need to worry about any more brain damage.

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