#my gosh are those some terrible working conditions

[melljam]

gosh this facial expression samuel makes is sooo interesting to me >_<

looong analysis below

only skimmed over some chapters to find it so im not sure if this is necessarily always the case but so far, all the instances ive seen of it have been in relation to samuels inferiority complex and jake

all of situations have been ones where samuel is evidently unstable (because of jake) and yet he can still look strangely calm while being in a manic state , which is considerably unsettling and adds some depth to his unwell behavior beyond “i will beat your ass reeeaally hard” (which is fun but ouhh the psychological aspects of his fights are so interestingg)

-> first image (and its context)

from chapter 311, samuels cruel treatment of the big deal girls prompt them to protest the conditions that he is forcing them to work in to make a 100k won in a month. yeonhui tries to bring up jake and how he would never do this to them and samuel immediately responds by trying to hit her (thank god jerry intervened)

when i first read this chapter and saw this scene i was so enamored with it because oh my god . its just so indicative of samuels character and how much his feelings of inferiority get to him. he doesnt care that he was about to hit yeonhui in front of everyone, he only knows that she compared him to jake and insinuated that jake is better than him, which strikes his sorest spot in the worst way possible (and no one truly understands why)

samuel got a lot more expressive after the big deal arc but his eyes in that picture say so much . he is brimming with rage and jealously over the mere mention of jakes name and comparison to him. the implication that jake could have done better, would have done better, than him just destroys any of his self esteem and sense of achievement while also bringing back all of the grief over feeling like he is no longer on equal footing with jake. he is being reminded of how he is now below him in every aspect (morally, family-wise due to gapryong, and later on in terms of strength since he loses against jake)

he is overwhelmed with his emotions and the only way that it can play out on his face is with a seemingly neutral expression displaying a crazed ache deeply ingrained into his eyes

-> second and third image

from chapter 466, during jake and samuels fight while samuel is drugged to give him a heightened feeling of inferiority and subsequent mania (or ‘frenzy’ as the official translation puts it)

all of his insecurities and terrible feelings are being intensified and it is absolutely not being helped by the fact he is fighting jake, the catalyst for his inferiority complex.

he is also remembering (and experiencing in his delusions) the sequence of events that happened during middle school: meet his real dad and committing patricide, learning that jake is gapryongs son, failing to receive guns approval twice, and becoming goos secret friend

(okay this is a side tangent but i love how this chapter was written to include all of that. the scene where samuel chokes alexander and sees his dad in him, the way he saw middle school jake and his own middle school self after re-realizing that jake is gaps son, the way he keeps on quoting people to show how much those events still affect him. its all written so gut wrenchingly well. i love the mental anguish)

he is effectively feeling his worst throughout this entire fight, and his face spells it outright for us

the second picture is samuels reaction to jake grabbing his collar after he ‘sentences him to death’ and lands a bunch of hits on him in tandem. this is probably looking waaaay too deep into it (but so is this entire post ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) however it almost like samuel is being reminded of his perceived inferiority simply by being stopped by jake. even though he cant be gapryongs son, he can still be stronger than him, right? right? jake continually disprove this and no matter how strong samuel gets, jake always seems to come out on top regardless.

in the third picture samuel is stepping away from his frenzied insanity (and the terrible, terrifying facial expressions that he makes because of it) to quietly question why it is that the universe has put jake in front of him to make him feel awful all over again, with a similar neutral face that displays undertones of distress and misery

and here he says it directly! jake shows up and makes samuel feel pathetic no matter what happens and its just … so perfect how his solemn face reflects how utterly defeated he is by that feeling

the way he is stepping on jake here, quite literally on top of him, yet he still feels lesser to him. he can beat jake up all he wants while smiling but at the end of it? he is still left with a burning feeling of inferiority that never gets resolved. and he can only wonder why that is

the frustration from not being able to figure it out overwhelms him, and thus causes the sudden change of his expression to a serious one. this is the issue that plagues his entire character and so it is only fitting that he reserve a special look for it; one of somber neutrality as the only way he can express his feelings of defeat and inadequacy

-> stylistic analysis

so all of that covered the context which surrounds that facial expression and the psychological aspects of it. while that serves to make the expression impactful as the culmination of all of those factors, the way that his face is artistically depicted also plays into its effect

i mentioned the look in his eyes before when discussing the first image, so lets just build onto that point of a crazed ache in his eyes by explaining why it evokes that feeling. his irises are small and much of the white of his eyes are showing, which is a stylistic choice that usually signals to us that a characters mental health has plummeted

his eyes are also shown to look like that in his other frenzied faces, but the contrast of his crazed eyes with the rest of his emotionless features distinguishes it well

and the second artistic choice i would like to point out is the use of lighting and shadows to depict his face to the audience

shadows are a very useful tool for artists to convey emotion on seemingly neutral or indifferent expressions as a little signal for the reader that the character is seriously ticked off but attempt to not show it

in all of the images, the light source seems to behind his head and leaves his face in the shadows. this lighting conveys a sense of seriousness along with undertones of horror. his somber expression is incredibly unsettling in contrast to all of the emotional turmoil he is feeling, and the use of shadows excels at giving us this visual cue

and its very interesting how the lighting stays consistent whenever he makes a face, signaling a certain emotion (of disdain? of grim comtemplation?? something along those lines i think) each time

final thoughts

well, my first final thought is that i wrote too much about this and somehow managed to overanalyze three panels into a little mess of angsty mush but it was sure fun :)

but secondly, i love how ptj does facial expressions, of course samuels faces in particular (this whole post is about him after all) since he is always so incredibly expressive. i love unhinged samuel, i love his ‘actively in mental decline’ faces. so freaky, so awesome ^_^

third and lastly, the parallels for samuel throughout the story are so, so interesting. i had to resist multiple tangents that go waaay beyond the scope of this post while writing it because of the sheer amount of stuff i found out i wanted to write about. so i will likely be writing more about that stuff in the future :p

thanks for reading !!!

[teaberrii]

Chapter 18: Interrupted

After ending a five-year relationship, you pour all your energy into work. Your latest assignment? Staying at a popular bed-and-breakfast to gather information. It should be a piece of cake... If only the owner isn't the man you scolded on the street.

Jing Yuan/You

Notes:

Cross-posted on Ao3

Female reader

Chapter index at the end of chapter one

This changes everything. Now, there are questions you have to ask. Does she know what happened to Caelus and Stelle? Have they ever met? Has she ever met the other woman? How did she find out about the pregnancy?

"...I hate that family," she says, breaking your thoughts. "But, I also hate my brother. I warned him about getting involved with anyone from that messed up family. He wouldn't listen, and look what came out of it? He trusted him way too much and wouldn't keep his goddamn mouth shut…" The more she rambles, the more heated she gets. "...He should've cheated after we got married." She scoffs. "At least I'd be entitled to some of his money."

“Did anyone ever threaten you to keep quiet about the affair?”

She scoffs. “I had to threaten him.”

No matter how much she reread the message, it wouldn’t change. She knew that. But she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the flirty exchange.

“...What are you doing?”

She turned around and saw the man who had proposed to her a few months ago. She stood from the bed and held out his phone.

“Who is this?”

She sensed it, felt it in her bones. He was no longer the man who she thought he was. That nonchalant look at the phone was something she'd never seen before. Who was he? What did he do with the man who adored and spoiled her? As he walked to the table and lit a cigarette, it  took every nerve in her body not to throw his phone at his face. Her mind was screaming; her face was probably red as a tomato. She was slightly shaking as she glared at him.

“You’ll be ruined," she seethed. "Once this gets out, your fucking reputation will be in the dumps.”

“She’s just a friend. You don’t need to get so worked up over nothing." He took a drag. "It’d be in your best interests.”

"...I thought I had the upper hand, but I later discovered that the messages were gone," she says. "I should've listened to my gut months ago that something was going on."

"Had he been asking you for financial support on the hotel?"

"...He did, and I was stupid enough to send money to him. It wasn't a lot, not enough to suddenly have an increase in quality and staff at least. It was strange that there was all this extra funding, but I shrugged it off because—hey—business was great. When I found out who the other woman was, it fucking made sense."

“Let me guess… He was using her like an ATM.”

“Gosh, how did you know? Anyway, I’d rather not talk about her.” Then, quietly, “It takes just one person to ruin a bunch of people’s lives.”

“...When did you find out about Caelus and Stelle?”

She hated being here, but it was just for one year. All she had to do was to make it through this one year. She didn't want to go when she was asked to relocate to a hospital in Xianzhou. Why would she after the terrible memories? But she didn't want to say no when her boss told her they would increase her salary and give her residency while she was there. Besides, those terrible memories were almost ten years ago.

She was working the day it happened: a bus carrying children had gotten into an accident. Some were in critical condition, while others had escaped with minor injuries. She and a doctor had finished operating on a young girl.

“She might be here for a while,” one of the other nurses said. “Her father is out on a business trip.”

“Then, who’s that in the room with her?”

“Their nanny and her brother.”

"I didn't know who their father was that time," she says.

"As someone as horrible as he is, it's hard to believe he hired a nanny to look after the kids that came out of the affair."

"Oh, trust me, you aren't the only one. But I knew he had to have a reason, knowing the kind of person he is."

"...Perhaps it was because of the relationship with his brother," you say, thinking out loud. "He'd have children to pass his inheritance down to rather than giving it to his brother, I suppose." A pause. "How did you find out?"

“...Dad!”

She was taking Stelle's blood pressure when she saw a man walk in, and her face immediately fell. It took the man a minute, but his expression soon mimicked hers.

“Your daughter’s been recovering well.”

Silence.

Stelle looked from her father to the nurse. “She’s been keeping me company.”

He stiffened. “Has she?”

After finishing her tasks, she walked out, not expecting him to follow her into the hallway. She stopped a short distance away from Stelle’s room.

She turned and frowned. “What do you want?”

“What are you… What are you doing here?”

"...Crazy how small the world is," you mutter.

"I knew what he really wanted to ask… Did I know he had a daughter, and did I do anything to her?" A pause. "If it was you, would you have done something? It's not like anyone would know."

"Children are innocent," you say. "I firmly believe that karma will always get you one way or another."

“I guess you’re right. Look where he and his children ended up.”

“I’m sure you told your brother about all of this. And… He still wanted to work with the brother of the man who hurt you so badly?”

“My brother kept telling me it’s not the same person, and everyone is different.”

The statement almost makes you shake your head in disappointment.

"I ended up just not caring," she continues. "It's not until later that they ran into problems that my brother told me what happened. I thought it was pointless for me to get involved since the man that I hated was gone anyway. What was the point? But"–she sighs—"I wanted some revenge, at least. I just wasn't expecting my brother to have something to hide."

“...So, you and your brother took back the lawsuit.”

"I just don't want to get involved with anyone from that family ever again."

“Did Caelus’s uncle ever reach out to you? He must’ve known that you and his brother were engaged.”

“He knew. But, reaching out wouldn’t help his case. What reason would he have?”

You hear a knock at the door and quickly look at the clock. It must be Jing Yuan.

"I just have one more question," you say, opening the door. Jing Yuan's standing on the porch. "What exactly caused the conflict between him and your brother?"

"Are you expecting me to go into specifics?"

"Whatever you're willing to tell me. During this time, Caelus was still alive. Whatever conflict that happened might have something to do with why Caelus killed himself.”

“...It was a recording.”

“...A recording?” Jing Yuan looks at you curiously. “Of a conversation?”

"It was a private conversation between him and my brother. He was obviously upset about it and scared that there was more without his knowledge."

You wouldn’t be surprised if it was used for blackmail. Perhaps whatever secrets her brother hid were recorded, meaning Caelus’s uncle knew about the skeletons in the closet. But what purpose was it for? And why?

After ending the call, Jing Yuan takes your hand. From the look on your face, he knows you’re onto something. “I take it you called that woman.”

“I got something out of it, but…”

“Raises more questions than answers?”

“Oh, goodness, how did you know?”

Jing Yuan pulls you close. “Call it a hunch.” After a quick kiss on the lips, he asks, “What is this about a recording?”

“Apparently, Caelus’s uncle recorded a private conversation between him and her brother. Her brother found out, and that was how their conflict started.”

“How interesting…”

“It was probably used as blackmail, but it doesn't look like it has anything to do with what happened to Caelus.”

You and Jing Yuan are walking out the door as he says, “I dug into the personal background of that director at Star Rails, and during that time, he just got promoted. It got me thinking if they had already known each other.”

“...Well, Caelus was still alive then,” you say, reaching Jing Yuan’s car. It quietly beeps once, and you walk to the passenger seat. As you get into the passenger seat, a thought hits you. “We theorized that Caelus’s uncle was the one who told him about the children that came out of the affair.”

Jing Yuan looks at you before starting the car. “We don’t know what was on the recording, but…”

You turn to him. “...It might’ve been recorded and used as evidence to the director that children came out of the affair. It wouldn’t be a stretch considering the woman is our missing fiancée.”

“Missing fiancée?”

“She was dating Caelus’s father when he cheated.” The brief surprise on his face makes you say, "Yeah, I know. It took me a moment, too.”

“This is getting crazier by the day,” he mutters.

◆◆◆

Jingliu had closed her gym for the day and instead called for a staff meeting to brainstorm ideas on increasing revenue. 

“Why don’t we just rely on Jing Yuan?” someone asks.

Jingliu almost sighs as she looks around the room.

"Yeah. He runs a successful bed and breakfast, doesn't he? Why don't we have a partnership with him? Staying at his resort can get you 50% off here or something."

“Oh! What about an app?"

“We’re trying to save money not use more of it,” someone says flatly.

“...Say, didn’t some business people drop by before?” Everyone looks at Jingliu. “What was that about?”

Looking at the curious faces around the table, she figures there's no use hiding it. "...They were people interested in buying the gym."

“I guess you turned them down.”

"I did, which is why we're having this conversation right now. If I were to sell it, they'd get rid of all of you and all the hard work in building it to where it is now… We'll just be another cog in the wheel. The individuality… branding… the creativity… It'd be changed to suit their business model and needs.

"Some of you have been with me for years." Jingliu looks at the few faces around the room. "And some of you"—she looks at the younger staff—"are quite new. My point is that everyone has contributed to the gym's growth in the past. It wasn't through my efforts alone, but I want to keep this place running for as long as possible."

“...Is the situation that bad?”

“I’m getting a report of our latest financial results in just a few weeks,” she says. “Everything will be transparent.”

A young man scratches his head. "...Honestly, I never thought we'd run into problems with this place."

“Yeah… Everyone loves you, Jingliu.”

“Love isn’t enough to pay the bills, unfortunately,” she says. “We gotta improve.”

"Sounds like it would make a pretty good story if we did. Maybe we'll make front-page news or something."

When her phone buzzes, she pulls it out of her pocket. “...Excuse me,” she says. “I need to take this.” She steps out of the small conference room and answers the call from her father. “Dad, is something wrong?”

“I was at the bank today, and I saw a familiar face."

Oh, no.

She's hoping it's anyone but the person she's thinking about. Jingliu knows that her father and Caelus's uncle are acquaintances as her father had been in and out of Xianzhou until he finally retired and moved in with her since her mother had passed away.

“He’s back in town?” Her father asked at breakfast one day.

“...And under investigation,” Jingliu muttered, sitting across from her father with a plate full of food.

“Investigation?”

“Not an official one, but…”

Then, she told him about the suspicions about Caelus's uncle involving the death of his nephew.

“...Well, this is… I… this is unexpected.”

“I don’t know what they’re going to find… but if he did have something to do with it, people should know.” She glanced at him. “I think him being the person behind the offer is a good enough reason for me to reject it.”

Her father put his arms on the table. "...I hope you know I'm not here to tell you what to do." She slowly looked up. "Your decisions are often better than mine. Getting money for the surgery is one thing, but I also don't want you to mentally stay in a place that you've outgrown."

“I’m going to make this work,” she said firmly. “If I can’t, at least I’ll have no regrets.”

“He told me about the new offer he wants to make to you."

“Don’t tell me you were convinced,” she deadpans.

"I called to tell you that I won't allow it. I won't allow you to take any offers from him."

Jingliu laughs. “What happened to not telling me what to do?”

"He offered me money." Jingliu's smile instantly fades. "If I could convince you, he said he'll give me money."

“Their equipment is out-of-date. Their marketing and business practices are too traditional. Plus, by utilizing new technology—”

“I’m sorry,” Jingliu’s father said, frowning, “Did I ask for your opinion?”

“I’m only trying to help. As a father, I’m sure it’s not easy seeing your daughter’s business suffer, especially since you also have a stake in it, don’t you?”

"It doesn't sound like you have a plan."

“We’d work with her to iron out the details. I’m simply saying to face reality. Money is what can improve things.”

Jingliu’s father had a lot to say. But before giving this man a piece of his mind, he still needed an answer to this one question:

“Why are you so interested in her business?”

“It’s not her business as much as her we’re interested in. We’ll allow her a seat on the management team if she agrees to our deal.”

Allow?

“She’ll have access to so many more resources. The team is really interested in working with her. So, if you could help me convince her, I can compensate you.”

“Well, let me give you my wholehearted response…” Jingliu’s father walked up to him. “You can take your money, and get the hell out of my face.”

“Well said. Good job, Dad.”

“I called to let you know in case he tries to tell you differently,” her father says.

"Who knows?" she mutters. "I never saw him again, nor did he contact me after Dan Heng and I saw him at the restaurant."

“...You still need to tell me about that.”

“About what?”

“What’s going on between you and Dan Heng? Have you… Have you always been interested in younger men?”

Jingliu’s face turns warm, and she calmly says, “We’re…”

“Take it easy. No need to rush.” She could see the smile on his face. “But, I still want a proper introduction.”

◆◆◆

You aren’t sure what to think when Jing Yuan tells you to close your eyes. You're at his place, and he'd gone in first. He's blocking your path as you look at him skeptically.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going kill you.”

“That never crossed my mind,” you say. “But since you mentioned it, I’m even more suspicious.”

He puts his hands on your shoulders and leans forward. “...Just trust me.”

You hold his stare for a few seconds before finally closing your eyes. Then, you feel him take your hand and slowly lead you into the living room.

“Can I open my eyes now?”

“Not yet.”

His hands are on your shoulders, and he gently pushes you down until you’re sitting on the sofa.

“Okay. Now.”

A mini, two-tiered, pink-shaded, ombre cake sits on a small, elevated gold stand. What surprises you is that it's perfectly smooth. Large, round white sprinkles are spread evenly around, and fresh roses are used as a topper that spirals downwards.

“...What do you think?”

"Wow! Genuinely impressed. How long did this take you?"

"A while. I've baked before, but it was my first time doing shading like this."

You pick up a small fork off of one of the plates. “Well, let the judging begin.”

You don't know, but Jing Yuan's anxiously awaiting your reaction after seeing you take that first bite. While he's usually confident with his cooking, his heart races out of nervousness. You put the fork back on the plate.

“Not too sweet and not too bland.” You go for another bite. “I love it!”

Jing Yuan kisses your head. “I’m glad.”

You hand him a fork. “I don’t want to be the only one eating.”

Jing Yuan tilts your head towards him and steals a kiss. “...I’m in the mood for something other than cake.”

Your heart races, and you almost drop the fork. But then, you quickly turn to the cake and ask, “Did you always have a talent for cooking?"

Pom ran into a small kitchen, his face pale and eyes wide. "Is there a fire? Oh, my God!"

"Everything's"—Jing Yuan coughs—"Everything's okay, Pom." Then, Jing Yuan quickly reached up and turned off the blaring fire alarm that went off because of the smoke.

Pom shook his head. “You may have the looks and the brains, Boss, but you have no gift for cooking. Who sets off a fire alarm while cooking fried dumplings?”

"Keep talking, Pom, and it's not just the fried dumplings going up in flames."

“Eep! I’m sorry!"

"Laugh all you want," Jing Yuan says, taking a bite of his cake and looking at you who's biting back a smile. "I’m over it now.”

Instead, you take a small breath. “Well, you came a long way. But, how was that transition? You were at a desk job, and suddenly you're cooking, cleaning, planning, and doing all sorts of things."

“It was tough, but I had to learn. It wasn't all just for the business."

“I guess it was also because of Yanqing.”

Jing Yuan nods. “When you’re doing something for someone you love, even if you don’t like it, it makes it easier.”

“...And you’ll do it seriously.”

“That’s right.” Jing Yuan puts his fork down. “...What are you going to do after this whole situation with Star Rails?”

“Where is this coming from?”

Jing Yuan takes your hand. “It’s a conversation we’ll have to have sooner or later. I’m just curious.”

“...If all of our speculations are true, I don’t want to go back. I’d want to expose everything they’ve done, and…” Jing Yuan waits for you to continue. “...Maybe try something new.”

“It sounds like you have something in mind.”

“It’s really crazy.”

"Could it be crazier than setting off a fire alarm by cooking fried dumplings?"

“Xianzhou doesn’t have an established news station, right? Well… What if… A big what if… What if I start an independent publication?” You sigh. “Or maybe that’s too ambitious.”

“Really? After all the digging you’ve done on Caelus and his uncle, you don’t call yourself ambitious?”

You lean back. “Yeah, but this is kinda different.”

“Do you know why the last news station didn’t work out?”

“You said it was because they were too much like a tabloid.”

"Exactly. Of course, there will always be an audience for that. But, no one bothered with proper reporting, something I think you'd do really well. By doing things properly and diligently, I think that's the best way to win an audience. There's always a reward for hard work." You lean your head on his shoulder. "...I would also love it if you could stay here." You look up and see him looking down at you. "But whatever you choose, I'll support you."

He leans closer… closer… but you’re the one who closes the gap.

His hand goes behind your head, drawing you closer while deepening the kiss, and he savours every taste. He brushes your hair behind your ear, and the sofa slightly creaks when you move onto his lap. He draws a soft moan as he kisses you faster, harder, as if knowing he has limited time. His light touches move up and down your back, fueling your desire that knows no bounds. You want him. You need him. And just as you slowly roll your hips forward, a phone goes off.

Your face is flushed. His face is flushed. You're staring at each other, coming down from the high your lips took each other on. Your hands are close to the buttons of his shirt.

So close yet so far.

“...Are you going to get that?” you ask, glancing at his phone on the table.

His lips find your neck, and his light, butterfly kisses leave a hot trail to your collarbone.

“...I probably should.”

You almost pin him against the sofa but think otherwise. You're about to get off his lap, but his arm snakes around you, holding you in place. He reaches over and picks up his phone. With a little mischievous look in your direction, he answers it. You almost gasp when you feel his hand slide up and down your back and underneath your shirt. You quickly turn to him, and he’s holding back a chuckle.

You’re about to get revenge when you suddenly hear, “Dad!”

Jing Yuan stops. “Yanqing?” He looks at his watch as you move onto the sofa. “There’s still an hour before I have to pick you up.”

You're finishing the rest of your cake as Jing Yuan talks with his son on the phone. But as soon as he ends it, another call comes in. You recognize Pom's voice on the other line despite not making out what he's saying.

“Is everything okay?” you ask once Jing Yuan is off the line.

“Everything’s fine.” He kisses your head. “There’s a complaint I have to resolve.”

“What about Yanqing? Is he okay?”

"He said they're taking a group photo, and some parents are there. He wanted to see if I could drop by."

"I can go. Maybe you can drop me off on the way to your big boy job."

“I’ll head over as soon as I can.” You walk past him with the empty plates, but he stops you by putting his hand on yours, tilts your head towards him, and kisses you. By the time he breaks apart, the plates are in his hands. “...Don’t think you’re off the hook.”

“Me? What did I do?” You lightly jab his chest. “I should be saying that, Mister. You were being way too bold.”

“Was I?” He chuckles. “Well, let me tone it down a bit next time.” With a small pout, you look off to the side. “Unless someone doesn’t want me to.” You dare to look back, and it’s that little teasing smile that makes you want to hit him.

◆◆◆

You’re standing on a porch and a woman who looks about the same age as you opens the door. Her short white dress with blue and gold details stands out against her gray eyes and long gray hair. She looks confused—at first—until it hits her.

“Yanqing’s mother,” she says. “Jing Yuan’s woman.”

You don't expect to be addressed like that, but you say, "Yeah, that's one way of putting it." Then, you introduce yourself.

The gray-haired woman extends a hand to you. “Nice to meet you. I’m Bronya, Clara’s mother.”

“Then… You must be Seele’s woman.”

She chuckles. “Pretty much.”

She lets you into the house and leads you to the living room, where you hear laughter, screams, and muffled conversations from the backyard.

“Oh, hello!” Seele is carrying a food plate when she greets you. “We heard from Yanqing that you’d be dropping by.”

“Anything I can do to help?” you ask, looking outside at the lively atmosphere. “Looks like you got your hands full.”

“Nah. Appreciate it, though. All we need is your presence. Hoping Jing Yuan can also make it."

You follow Bronya and Seele to the backyard, and as soon as Yanqing sees you, he jumps off the bouncy castle and runs to you.

“Mom!”

Clara follows him and says, "Hi again."

"Happy birthday, Clara," you say, hugging her.

"Thank you!"

You see some of the kids looking at you curiously. One of them walks up to you. “Is she your mom, Yanqing?”

"Yeah!"

“My, does this mean Jing Yuan is getting married again?” a woman asks.

It’s then you realize that all the parents here are women.

"He was quite the bachelor," another one says.

“Say… Do you know what happened between him and his ex?”

You're taken aback at the question, but before you can say anything, Bronya claps her hands. "Let's get ready for that photo everyone wants, shall we?"

"Aw… I was hoping to see Jing Yuan or Blade," you hear someone mutter, though it doesn't sit well with you, knowing it came from one of the moms.

After posing for the photo, you're about to grab a snack with Yanqing when your phone goes off. At first, you think it's from Jing Yuan, so you quickly pull it out of your pocket. But when it's an unknown number, you almost slip it back into your pocket until you step to the side to take it out of curiosity.

“Hello?”

“Hello.” You recognize the voice. And when the man says your name, your heart drops to the pit of your stomach. Maybe you should’ve seen it coming. But you aren’t prepared. Not yet, at least. Because…

What in the world does Caelus’s uncle want with you?

Chapter 19

Tag list: @suoshiii @lordbugs @lxry-chxn @seirenspinel @immahuman @queencybow @grimreapersscythe @nqctre @winterpein @asakenajustexistshere

[hollenka99]

AITA for getting my friends on a hitlist?

I would like to preface that I had nothing to do with the majority of these events but oh gosh, I feel like this might be my fault.

I live next to one of my friends (for simplicity I'll call him Neighbour) and we enjoy pranking one another whenever we see the opportunity. The most recent example of this involves me preparing some materials for a project, only for them to get moved around. These specific materials require some exposure to the elements to be in the right condition for usage so I had them out in my front garden. Neighbour acted as if they were encroaching on his territory so he stole them and somehow stacked them on my roof. No, I'm not sure how he managed that either but he does have a knack for finding himself in precarious positions with no problem. When I noticed what he had done, I retrieved the materials, using them to form a shoddily made bust of the statue of liberty. The statue isn't by his house anymore so I believe he dismantled it. However, he hasn't given me my resources back in any shape or form which leads me to assume he's still got them.

I mention all this because apparently, while stocking up to continue this little prank war of ours, Neighbour discovered an alleyway that led to a demolition site. One featuring a pretty complex machine, might I add.

It's a big joke amongst our friend group that Neighbour has a terrible habit of procrastination so a few friends of ours visited him as motivation to complete a project he's been chipping away at for a year. Eventually though, one of those friends (Friend?) and Neighbour went off to inspect the demolition site Neighbour had found.

As far as I've heard, both of them were fiddling with the complex machinery there and inevitably broke it. Now the owner is understandably upset and no amount of gifts to sweeten the blow or attempts at charm seem to have worked. He demands payback and for them to be punished in a way he'll handle himself.

I have not been present for any of these events as I have been working on my original project. Frankly, I can't say I'm totally surprised since this does sound like something Neighbour and Friend would get themselves into. It just feels like this might never have happened if I hadn't gotten involved in a prank war with Neighbour.

Which leaves me with my newly decorated paths out back and two friends who may have gotten in a lot of trouble because of something I unintentionally began.

So does this make me TA?

[danketsuround]

sunday six!

typical monday six for me cause i forgot yesterday was sunday lol i was tagged by @four-white-trees and @overdevelopedglasses woo! thank you! i will tag everyone else i usually tag @c-cw-f-saeko @fire-tempers-steel @futilecombat @passthroughtime (think that's everyone? lmk if u want to be tagged/untagged) (share if you want don't if you don't as usual HI)

sharing something different cause i wasn't feeling well this weekend and i have this written already. little extra thing from two birds that expands on the letters kuwana and reiko wrote to each other. kind of long but i don't like it enough to post so just take the whole thing gosh!

To Kusumoto-san,

How are you? I'm sorry I haven't written yet. I just figured out how this works in the midst of moving around. Ehime is a nice place. Far, temperate. The people in Masaki are a little too friendly. Not sure I could say the same about Matsuyama, though, I guess that's the city to a stranger. It seems silly to say, but I hope you're making some friends, if you can.

When we first drove in, a seagull shat on my car. Right on the windshield! I almost killed us both. I know you just jumped at the thought, but we're really okay. Mitsuru made fun at me for getting so startled. He's a good kid. He's a lot like you and nothing like me. Thank God. Despite our differences I think we're getting along.

We came to Matsuyama for a bit. We wanted to pop in and see you but they told us it doesn't work that way. That day it really hit that you were in prison, and not just away on a terrible vacation. I guess I'll never get over missing you. It really upset Mitsuru, so I took him to do tourist stuff instead. It was nice because a lot of people visit those areas, so the wheelchair wasn't really a problem like it is on these gravely rural roads. We met the mascot, Mikyan, and took a picture with him. I'm sure it fell out when you tore open this envelope. Did you know Ehime is famous for its mandarins? They really won't let you forget it! The photo was just going to be of Mitsuru, but this lady behind me said she could take a photo of the both of us, and I got too shy to say no. I'd never do that! Maybe I'm a changed man after all. Anyways, you have the both of us now—though it wasn't like you didn't before.

Mitsuru gave me a haircut. I look ridiculous. You can see it in the photo, right? I would have done a better job blindfolded, but he seemed proud of it, so I kept it. His hair looks pretty choppy now, but not out of revenge. I just suck at cutting hair. Did I tell you that he's trying to get his high school diploma? What a dedicated young man you've raised. I technically still have my teaching license, so I've been helping. Feels good. It's weird. Whenever I help him, I remember why I became a teacher in the first place. Ironic, isn't it? I want to tell you everything but I'll save it for the next time we see you. I'm sorry for cutting it so short, but I have a favor to ask you.

The nurses in Ijincho explained a bunch of stuff to me about Mitsuru's condition and printed it out. It's expectedly massive. Sorry to be a pain, but would you mind taking a look at it and tell me what to do? Advice? I can't make sense of it all. Or maybe I refuse to believe it. Is he really hurt so badly? What does he think of all this? I wonder about it. I wonder about it a lot. He seems fine, but then I look at all his X-rays and blood tests and I don't know what to think. How do I get him too eat? To grab things? To smile? I'm taking it one step at a time, but these technical terms are a big hurdle. You can read it, right? You've always been so much smarter than me. I'm sorry again. I'm lost. Thank you. I'm running out of room. They've got a limit on paper for prison letters. Seems strict.

Mitsuru wanted to say:

M iSsyou Mo M

- Mi Tsu ru

He's got a damn strong grip on his pencil. You'd be proud.

Until then,

Yu

Kitakata,

It's good to finally hear from you. I'm doing as well as I can. You seem to be the same. I checked a map of Masaki to try and place you two. It seems like a nice town. Are you getting used to the short buildings and the little beach?

I've been friendly with some of the other inmates, and the seagulls here do the same, but I've been safer than you.

I got your picture. How cute. Your haircut isn't so bad, he did a good job.

I looked at the documents. I know what you mean. I expect you already know to use the feeding tube and how to bathe him. It's not surprising he did not respond well to the catheter. I wouldn't either.

Firstly, Mitsuru has anterograde amnesia. That means he has a very difficult time forming short term memory, even if his long term memory is intact. Remember when you told me he didn't know your name, even though you told him earlier? That's why. I'm not sure why he doesn't remember your face from before. I suppose that's a fortunate mystery. You may have noticed the nurses doing this, but if you tell him the same things over and over again, he'll have an easier time forming new memories. He knows what to call you now because you said it so many times. I'm sure he knows I'm in prison because the nurses told him many times, too. That's what I get.

I'm sure you're well aware of his mental health. He seems to go up and down a lot, I bet. Like his body, his brain is suck at seventeen. Doesn't he seem so... frozen in time to you? He's like an old doll, destined to be a kid forever. I'd be jealous if that was the end of it. The nurses observed that he sometimes behaves like a much younger child. Have you seen him suck his thumb? Does he tug at you when he wants your attention? Hug you at night? It's an acute stress response. He's defending his body from his mind—that's what that means.

Lastly, his food. It's not very difficult to do. Steam it for thirty minutes. If you lose track of time and think you've cooked it for too long, add another ten minutes. I did that when he was little. He hated vegetables until they weren't shaped much like vegetables anymore. He'd swallow his food whole to hurry up and play outside again, so boil it thoroughly. It should be the consistency of chewed gum or silt. Try it yourself, add salt if you hate it. He doesn't like broccoli. No broccoli. Like everything else, he's still relearning how to chew. Don't push him. He’s sensitive. You know that already, just like you know how to do all this other stuff. You have good intuition, and great memory, and it helps that Mitsuru seems to love you. Even still, don't push him. No broccoli. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Don't expect me to say anything else, I'll see you soon.

Kusumoto Reiko

[thatdogmagic]

LRB, I really do want to highlight again how gross/gory some alien abduction films were. Fire in the Sky is, at its heart, a horror film, and NOPE called back to it in ways that I genuinely really enjoyed!

But yeah, first pass w/ NOPE, I really did feel like I was watching two separate movies: the one that was dead-on playing to my expectations, and the one that wasn't, and when they merged, I found myself going 'what the hell was movie B about? Why did we spend so much time on that? Was that a fake-out?' And to this day I do not think that those were stupid questions, given what I thought I was seeing.

Here is why:

Bizarre shit happening with gravity (shoe): in abduction media (hell, it's practically a staple, and it STILL WORKS with 'other shoe to drop' so yes thank you I did get that bit of visual language)

Animals acting out with incredible aggression, or just in uncharacteristic/bizarre ways*: in abduction media

Someone who actually believes it's aliens who does not seem terribly credible: in abduction media

...with a nosy coworker framed in a very telling 'ooo what's she doing??' shot, wearing a very intense expression.

Looking at the "craft" causes a kind of hypnosis and/or creates conditions for A Thing to happen: in abduction media

Ship** has biological innards: in too many sci fi properties to name.

The list does actually go on

Anyway Twitter AND Tumblr get up their own ass a lot wrt 'gosh you dummies how could you not see this???', and as a result miss some very easy explanations for why there might have been a misinterpretation. I can critique Jordan Peele and say he maybe flubbed a bit by being too clever with his own media literacy, without calling him a bad director. I can say it's not a bad film, too, because it's not! It's great! I love it! I can say I was confused without being So Much Less Smart and Astute than, apparently, the rest of you.

I am aware of the story about the pet chimp being repeated here. I am very familiar with the story. This didn't fake me out as much as the rest of the cues and, in fact, confused me a bit since it is so thoroughly based in reality, re: this being a repeated thing that captive chimps are known to do.

I know it's not a ship.

[4h4hi]

Pretty sure that's normal, right?

Hermittober 2021 -- Day 1 -- Wings -------------------- Etho's finally completed the No Wings Club! Which is great-- except for the fact that he no longer has an excuse not to use an elytra. (How do all the other hermits do it?!)

Or: Etho realizes-- with Bdubs' help-- that his experiences with elytra might not be the same as everyone else's. -------------------- Cross-posted on Ao3-- link in the notes! --------------------

    To fly, or not to fly. That was the question.

    Etho sighed, shaking his head. It was no use deliberating-- he might as well just get it over with.

    After he reached his thousand days in the No Wings Club, he'd stored an elytra in his enderchest, as well as some rockets-- he didn't need it around his and Iskall's base, thanks to Riptide, but the other hermits were a different matter. Visiting Doc had been a hassle while the club was still ongoing, and with the giant mountains that every hermit on the server seemed to be constructing, it would probably be best to get in back in the elytra routine as soon as possible.

    He shuffled the wings out of his enderchest, shaking them out before inspecting their condition. After ensuring the wings themselves were flying fit, he moved on to the horrible, awful, terrible straps of leather they were attached to, which were unfortunately also in working order. Sighing, he buckled them on-- he'd tried to pad the things before, even tried to etch some sort of feather falling-silk touch combo onto the interiors to make them magically less painful to wear...it'd worked with the surface-level pain from the constant digging into his skin through his vest, at least.

    "Ah! Etho!"

    He turned quickly, gripping the hilt of his sword before relaxing at the familiar sight of his friend's round, googly glasses. "Hey, how's it going, Bdubs?"

    Bdubs grinned brightly, leaning against a tree. "Oh, just fine, just fine. Been doing some work here and there on the Big Eyes shopping district-- ran out here to get a few more spruce logs, you know how it is." He pulled out his axe, tapping the butt of the blade against the trunk-- then paused, intrigued. "Wait a minute... are you wearing an elytra?!"

    "Yeppers." Etho flexed the faux wings experimentally. Good, the locking mechanism was working. "Got my final medal a few weeks ago, figured it was about time to get back into using this."

    Bdubs whistled. "Wow, got 'em dyed and everything already. A few weeks, though? You could wait that long?"

    "Well... 's'not like I really need elytra to get around in the savannah."

    "I guess." Bdubs shrugged-- then hefted his axe, wedging it into the bottom of the tree trunk. "Where are you headed, then?" Thunk. "Kinda"-- thunk-- "middle of nowhere"-- thunk-- he set the axe down, exhaling loudly. "Alright. Don't chop and talk, Bdubs, it's impolite. Where ya headed?"

    Etho shrugged. "Nowhere, really. I was planning on just flying around for a few minutes, getting back into shape, getting used to the whole thing."

    A snort. "Sure... getting used to it."

    "Yeah, well. I gotta make sure I don't fall in public." Etho shot back, perhaps a bit sharper than he should have-- "can't have the people know I'm not an expert."

    Bdubs nodded in mock seriousness-- "right, right. Of course! Gotta keep 'em all fooled." A sigh, a kind grin. "No, I'm just teasin' ya. Go do your flyin', poor old Bdubs'll be here chopping logs."

    Etho chuckled, giving his friend a mock salute before grabbing a firework out of his inventory, pulling the start string, and taking off.

    Flying fireworks were a pretty ingenious invention-- Etho hadn't come up with them himself, of course, but he couldn't help but admire the design. A string attached to a fire-starting strip pulled through the base of the firecracker in order to ignite the gunpowder-- he pulled the string upwards, avoiding the flame, though it wouldn't hurt him through his standard enchanted gloves. (He'd have to customize those later-- dying them like his standard blue ones should be fine if he didn't come up with a better idea.)

    He'd only gone through a few fireworks out of his stack, but he considered that a victory. What had it been, ten minutes? Twelve? Either way, his shoulders were already crying out for mercy; he grimaced underneath his mask, scanning the ground for a good place to land.

    Normally he wouldn't have done his first flight around Bdubs, but... well. It didn't really matter-- his friend was probably having the same struggles, what with his flip-flopping between wearing elytra and going without.

    He should probably tease him about that.

    The forest below was missing... maybe three, four trees compared to before. Etho narrowed his eyes-- Bdubs was striking his axe into a fir next to the small clearing he'd created, completely oblivious to his altudiously advantaged watcher.

    Etho grinned and dived.  

    "Aah! Wh-- Etho!"

    He skidded to a stop in the grass behind Bdubs, twirling the stolen axe in the air with a snicker. "Did I get ya?"

    "Get me? I almost had a heart attack!" Bdubs stomped over, slugging Etho in the shoulder as he swiped at his axe; Etho quickly adjusted so that the axe was held right out of Bdub's reach. "Oh good grief!"

    Etho chuckled deviously. "Oh, sorry, I should hold this down for you, I forgot." He leaned down so that the axe was a few inches above the ground, earning a indignant shout from his friend-- and then dropped it, letting out an involuntary "oof" as his back protested at the motion.

    Bdubs snatched his axe from the ground. "Hah! Serves you right. Old man Etho having back trouble?" he crowed triumphantly-- then paused, pushing up his googly-eye glasses to look at Etho in concern. "Hey, man, are you okay? Do you need to sit down or somethin'?"

    Etho sighed. "No, I... okay, fine." He smacked away Bdubs' arm as the other tried to help him over to the shade of a nearby tree-- thankfully he was still able to stand up this time, at least for the most part. Using the tree to keep himself steady, he unbuckled his elytra before lowering himself to the ground with a pained huff.

    "So," Bdubs started, flopping onto the ground next to him. "You okay, big guy? That was kinda out of nowhere."

    Etho shrugged, then winced, immediately regretting the painful motion. "I mean, it wasn't out of nowhere, was it? It was my first elytra flight of the season. It's always gonna be a little rough, especially since I've gone so long without using one."

    Bdubs frowned, raising an eyebrow. "You were up there for like... five minutes, tops. That shouldn't bother your back enough that you almost fall over."

    "I did not 'almost fall over!'"

    "Did too!"

    Etho rolled his eyes. "Did not. Besides, it was more like ten minutes, right?"

    Bdubs scoffed. "Do you doubt the clock-keeping abilities of the Time King, Etho?"

    "Ah, the Time King. How could I forget." Etho deadpanned.

    "Hey! Stop trying to get me off topic, you... you... ohhh, I know you're laughing at me, stop that!" Despite his protests, Etho did not miss the fact that Bdubs was laughing along. "But... seriously. Does your back hurt often? Like, have you been doing any heavy lifting lately?"

    Etho thought about it for a moment. "Not more than the usual, no. But the pain's been pretty normal, too."

    Bdubs looked at him oddly. "Normal? Like, what's normal for you? Like"-- he tapped his leg, seemingly reaching for the right words-- "like, let's say you've got a scale of one to ten, and one is 'I'm Fine,' five is 'I'm pretty uncomfortable and I might have to not, say, fly as much' and ten is, uh. Bad."

    "Uhh..." Etho snorted. "Like, daily, or..." after seeing Bdubs' affirmative nod, he continued. "Well, back in Season Seven when I was flying a lot more, it was like, a four on a good day?"

    "On a good day."

    "Yeah?" Etho answered, perplexed. "And normally it would be around a five. But nowadays it's been better, what with the No Wings Club. Like, maybe a four or five usually instead of six or seven."

    "Instead of--" Bdubs spluttered. "Etho!"

    "What?" Etho laughed. "That's normal, isn't it? Like, we aren't built for flying like Grian or Pearl are. S'just how the muscles work on most players."

    "And the-- the other pain?! Without flying?!" Bdubs half-shouted.

    Etho pondered this for a moment. "Dunno. Never really thought about it."

    "Never really--" Bdubs covered his face in his hands with a groan. "Etho. My friend. My fellow redstone genius." He looked up at him, a desperate expression on his face. "Do you mean to tell me that you... just... feel pain, all the time, and... you think it's normal?"

    He stared at him. "Is... is it not?"

    Bdubs stared back. "Oh my gosh."

    "What?"

    "You're an idiot."

    "Hey!"

    "No, but seriously!" Bdubs jumped to his feet, pacing back and forth, gesticulating wildly in an attempt to convey his extremely confusing point. "You... feeling pain-- it's not-- it's not supposed to be normal. Does it ever stop? Are you ever-- what d-- the-- you--" He pulled up the bottom of his moss-colored sweater, holding it to his face to muffle his frustrated scream. When he uncovered his head, he looked back over at Etho, who was genuinely surprised at how distraught his friend appeared to be. "Did... we've been friends for forever, Etho. Why didn't you ever tell me-- or Beef, or Doc, or-- or anyone?"

    "I..." He didn't know what to say. "I guess I thought it was normal. And, like, I didn't want to bother anyone."

    "You didn't want to... bother anyone," Bdubs muttered, disbelieving. "About... about... being in pain."

    Etho shrugged, grateful his back had calmed down enough to allow him to move without dying. "I mean, yeah. Like, it's not a big deal, you know? I didn't think anyone would care."

    "I would care!" Bdubs yelled suddenly, desperately putting a hand over his heart, waving the other towards the Boatem village-- "Doc would care! Beef would care! Hell, if you told any of the hermits 'hey, I'm Etho, my back hurts like I crushed it with one of my anvils, sorry to bother you' I bet you fifty diamonds-- no, fifty diamond blocks they would have helped out in a heartbeat! You can't"-- he laughed, exhausted-- "you can't just say 'no one would care!'"

    Etho frowned, staring at nothing in particular. A few leaves fell off a stray oak tree. A squirrel darted through a fallen trunk.

     "Well." He sighed quietly, hauling himself off the ground. "I... I guess I just didn't know it was something I needed to ask about." Stretching quickly, he touched his gloved palms to the pine-needle covered floor, legs straight. "If... if you're mad at me, I--"

    "Mad at you? I'm-- I'm--" Bdubs' face melted as he walked up to Etho, putting his hands on his shoulders-- then grumbling, taking a piece of scaffold out of his inventory, placing it down, climbing on top and trying again. "There. Equal height. But"-- he took a deep breath. "Etho, I'm not mad at you. I just... I'm worried! You... you're my friend, Etho. I don't want you to be in pain, and-- and it makes me feel awful that I didn't notice you were hurting sooner."

    Etho stared at him for a moment, taken aback. "Oh."

    Bdubs snorted. "Yeah! 'Oh,' he says, 'oh.' C'mere, stupid." He pulled Etho into a tight, quick hug, then let him go, looking at him with watery eyes. "Oh, you."

    Etho grinned. "Who, me?"

    "Yes, you, stupid!" A pause-- then a sigh. "Ah, I'm just kiddin'. Love ya, buddy."

    A snort. "Love you too."

    ...

    "By the way, you'd better talk to Stress about this later."

    "Uh... nice talking to you, Bdubs, real-- real good talking to you, but I gotta"-- Etho shuffled through his inventory, grabbing an enderpearl-- "uh, gotta go." He lobbed it... somewhere. Hopefully not in a lava pool.

    "Uh-huh! Sure!" Bdubs yelled after him, even as he vwoop'ed to his new location. "Yeah, I'll call her myself if I have to! You'd better watch out, I bet she makes house calls!"

    Etho chuckled as he started at a leisurely pace towards home. He'd talk to Stress about it at some point. Maybe. Probably. Bdubs' threat didn't hold any water.

    Hopefully.

[formenis]

From knight to detective

Anon asked: “ Can you do a scenario of L having a relationship with reader and she doesn't know that he is L and she is part of the Task Force that show up to meet L and she is unprepared for finding out he is L and when he talks to her privately he tells her everything“.

A/N: sure thing, dear. Gosh, I’m not capable of sum up...I always write too much eheh. I have to remind you English is not my first language so I apologise for the mistakes you’ll find for sure.

pairing: L x FBI agent!fem!reader

warnings: nope

requested: yes

F/P = favourite painter

S/C = skin colour

It all started during the "Wara Ningyo Murders" or -as police knew it- the "Los Angeles BB Serial Murder Cases". Y/N and Naomi Misora were friends back in the States, both of them were skilful and quite cherished in the FBI headquarters. The resulting capture of the murderer of this case helped launch Naomi's reputation within the FBI.

«So how was working with the best detective alive?» Y/N and her friend Naomi were drinking a coffee together in one of their rare spare moments far from work.

«I don’t know if I can talk about it, Y/N» Naomi replied with a sympathetic smile.

«Oh come on! At least what his voice sounds like»

«Again, I don’t know. He used voice changers during our calls. But!» she said with enthusiasm and Y/N frowned in confusion. «I met someone you would like»

«Who?»

That was when Y/N met "Ryuzaki", an enigmatic and mysterious young man who had the hobby of solving cases like private or consulting detectives. Since Y/N was a FBI agent and Ryuzaki a private detective, they would meet many times in crime scenes. The young agent felt like she was Dr. Watson and Ryuzaki was Sherlock Holmes: he would theorize many possible scenarios for the above-mentioned case and Y/N listened to him in disbelief. But Ryuzaki was not the sole smart one, Y/N had a shrewd mind too: her unique methods of investigation and her strong power of observation made her one of the best FBI agents. That was why Ryuzaki started to request her presence and assistance more often.

«Good evening, Miss L/N»

«Ryuzaki! I told you to call me Y/N. There's no need for such formalities» she chuckled quietly, the two of them were on a crime scene again.

«I apologise, force of habit I guess» Ryuzaki played with his pale lips using the thumb. Y/N understood Ryuzaki's way of communicating with his body: if he played with his lips (like he was doing in that moment) it meant he was deep in through; if he stared emotionless at something, it meant he was bothered by something; or if he ate more sweets than usual it meant that the investigations were in a turning point and his brain needed more "fuel". That was easy for Y/N to understand those things, it was her job after all.

«What are you thinking of, Ryuzaki?»

The young man seemed surprised. «Ah, it seems I don’t have secrets for you, Y/N»

She chuckled again. «Nope»

Y/N couldn’t know it but she was wrong. Terribly wrong. However, as time passed the two of them grew quite closer. Not only because of work but because they somehow matched each other. Very often Y/N would move up Ryuzaki in many things, they would think the same thing and they worried for each other during difficult and risky cases. Soon enough Y/N started to develop feeling for that weird, clever boy but she didn’t know it the feelings were mutual. Ryuzaki seemed without emotions as if nothing touched him. Even in the most terrible crime scene he would not be that shocked as anybody else.

Unaware of Y/N, there was a very simple explanation for that attitude of his: Ryuzaki was feeling overwhelmed. He was very good at not showing it but the truth was that something changed in him. At first he treated Y/N as a common FBI agent, neither kind not bad. Their relationship was purely linked to work. But then week after week, case after case, Y/N dusted a forgotten trait of his personality.

«Agent Y/N, would you like to join me in an exhibit? I heard from Miss Misora you like F/P»

«But it is private, Ryuzaki. You have to have the tickets»

«It just so happens that I have two tickets with me. The senior manager is a friend of mine»

«Really?» Y/N said surprised. «I would love to, Ryuzaki!»

Ryuzaki smiled in seeing such happiness in his cute FBI agent. The exhibit would be the perfect chance to understand if what he felt for Y/N was mutual.

♰ TIME SKIP ♰

Ah, the exhibit. Such a wonderful place. Y/N loved everything about it: the guide, the paintings and Ryuzaki's company of course. Moreover, it was the exhibit of F/P, Y/N's best artist. She was in bliss.

Once the guide ended the tour, the guesses could roam around the place to have a better look at each artwork. Ryuzaki expressed his approval to a specific painting, a still life to be precise. And when he noticed Y/N liked it too he started to describe the history of the said painting.

His voice enchanted Y/N. So deep despite Ryuzaki's young age and extremely alluring. She would listen to him for hours if it was possible. Y/N was so focused in it that she didn’t noticed Ryuzaki asked her something.

«Uh? What did you say?»

«I said, Y/N…are you enjoying the evening?» Ryuzaki was sitting in front of that still life in his usual position, with the legs pressed the chest. Y/N was beside him.

«Yes, a lot. Thank you Ryuzaki» she smiled kindly at him and it forced the young detective to look away. Then he started to play nervously with his lips. «Something is bothering you?»

«I have a confession to make, Y/N»

Oh dear, no. At that phrase, Y/N started to panic. Was he tired of her company? Did she do something wrong? Did he want to stop working together? So many questions span inside Y/N's mind.

«Yes?» she tried to stay as much calm as possible, hoping her voice would not betray her.

«We met a while ago and I have to admit I really appreciate your presence. Both as an agent and as a person. I would like to become closer to you, if you agree» he turned to look at her. His black eyes were much gentler than usual, his look full of…happiness? Y/N couldn’t tell.

She blushed, her face was as red as the apples in the still life painted in front of them. She noticed that Ryuzaki extended a hand waiting for her answer. «Of course, Ryuzaki»

Y/N put her hand over his and he kissed on the hand gently. This made Y/N blush even more, now she was truly one of those red apples.

And with that, they set off the beginning of their relationship. Outside work Ryuzaki was a really romantic person: he would rub Y/N's shoulders (he was really good with massages); he would play with her silky H/C hair while thinking or he would simply listen to her after a stressful day at work.

«You can call me whenever you want. Even if there's no reason to, Y/N» and «I like how your hands fit perfectly in mines» were the most romantic things Y/N heard from Ryuzaki. She even wrote them down in her personal agenda.

More time passed and December 2003 came fast. For some time now, criminals from all around the would were dying of heart attacks at an unprecedented rate and all law enforcements were concerned and scared but this. Thanks to some colleagues, Y/N learnt that the greatest detective L was mentioned in one of the many Interpol meetings.

L was considered the best detective in the world. He solved the most complex of cases, even ones that were considered unsolvable. The problem was that nobody knows who L was. And if they existed. According to Naomi Misora they were real and this L was worth their title. It was in that moment that Y/N made a decision: as a FBI agent, she would take part at that case. In Japan, people started to call the main responsible of these killings "Kira" and she couldn’t wait to start the investigations.

«Ryu, I have to tell you something…»

«What is it, Y/N?»  

They were on the phone, as often happened when the two of them had work up to their necks.

«I applied for the Kira case. I want to be a part of the task-force»

Silence.

For five minutes neither of them dared to speak. Y/N was waiting for an answer, she was chewing nervously her lips. After a while she heard a sigh.

«Y/N, it's dangerous. It's better if you stay in the States»

«But Ryuzaki! I want to be helpful! You know I can't stay here while there's some mad serial killer around the world that kills with the force of their mind»

«Y/N, such things don’t exist»

«Don’t change the topic, Ryu»

Again, silence. Y/N bet Ryuzaki was playing with his lips as much as she was chewing hers. She knew he was worried for her but she couldn’t stay at home doing nothing. She had to do something.

«Please, Y/N. Consider it again. The Kira case is too much…»

«Ryu, I'm a decorated FBI agent, I can take care of myself. You don’t need to worry»

For the third time, the call fell silent. Ryuzaki was thinking for sure, Y/N could hear the soft sound of him chewing his thumb. «Promise me you'll be careful» he interrupted the silence with his usual emotionless voice.

«Of course I will»

This allowed Y/N to fly to Japan more lightweight knowing Ryuzaki was by her side despite the distance. But another big event was waiting for her: the first meeting with L.

♰ TIME SKIP ♰

After many ordeals (like the death of Y/N's friend Naomi Misora), the main Japanese task-force against Kira was formed: Soichiro Yagami, Touta Matsuda, Hirokazu Ukita, Hideki Ide, Shuichi Aizawa and Kanzo Mogi. And of course Y/N L/N. It was New Year's Eve when the task-force received a message from L:

"I would like to meet the seven of you who have my trust as soon as possible. Do not speak of our meeting, or having met me, or what we will be doing, to anyone who is not in the room now.

Please leave the NPA building to discuss whether you can swear to the above, and whether you can trust me. Only those who agree to work with me in this investigation shall return to the room, and I will send my further conditions for our meeting to this computer."

That was it! The moment Y/N was waiting for a long time! As L explained in other notes left in the laptop, the entire task-force arrived at a luxury hotel where they knocked at the door of a room and were asked to enter. They were about to meet L.

"Oh gosh I'm so nervous!" Y/N though while staying behind the rest of the task-force. Her heart was racing fast and she couldn’t hide the excitement. We were talking about the greatest detective alive after all.

"I wonder…who gave them that title?"

Pink wall-to-wall carpeting, beige couches with red pillows and luxurious black doors. That was the aspect of L's room. From where Y/N was standing she could only see the furniture of that room but she petrified when she heard his voice.

«I am L»

Y/N went pale in one second. The excitement was soon replaced by fear and later by anger. But she had to be sure, she needed to see him. Maybe Y/N missed Ryuzaki to such a point that she heard his voice everywhere.

No, there must be something else. Ryuzaki's voice was too unique and peculiar to be confused with another one. There must be him for sure. And once Y/N made her way through those men, she had the certainty that she had Ryuzaki in front of her.

«Please turn off your cell phones, laptops, and any other electronic equipment you may have, and place them on the table first»

«You think we might have our cell phones on talk mode so someone outside could monitor our conversation…?» Aizawa asked quite annoyed.

"No, he hates when phones rings if he is talking…" Y/N though while doing as L said. She had to maintain a professional attitude despite she was boiling inside. She wanted to cry but to punch Ryuzaki at the same time.

«It's not that. I can't stand it when someone's cell phone rings when I'm talking» the detective replied while "sitting" in one of those fancy armchairs. «But before discussing about the case, I would rather have a talk with agent L/N in private»

The task-force moved in another part of room so Y/N and Ryuzaki would be alone. Silence filled the room, an anger and disappointed silence to be precise. They were still wearing their professional masks.

«Why didn’t you tell me…» Y/N was the first to give in. Her hands were curled into fists, the way her body tremble suggested rage or a desperate effort not to cry. L was aware Y/N was going to lose control if he didn’t explain himself.

«I couldn’t Y/N…you know very well I couldn’t»

«Of course you can! It costs nothing, Ryuzaki. Just few words!» that was it, Y/N lost control.

«What should I have said then? Something like "Hello I'm L, the greatest detective in the world and I think I developed strong feelings for you"» Y/N was going to answer back but L interrupted her by raising the index. «Everything about L is dangerous. My words, my actions, my presence…they all are dangerous for other people. That's why I work alone, Y/N»

«But you weren’t alone when we worked together» now sadness was taking place in Y/N's mind instead of anger. She felt so betrayed.

«It was different back then, Y/N. They were simple cases, neither me nor you were in danger. But this case…Kira is the symbol of danger and injustice, Y/N. I don’t want you to be involved»

«I'm already involved, Ryuzaki. And like it or not, I'm going to the bottom of this» the young FBI agent replied with determination but hot tears started to form on her eyes, clouding partially her sight. «I just…wanted you to be sincere with me» those tears fell over her smooth S/C cheeks.

L, seeing that scene in front of him, felt very bad for his Y/N. That was why he didn’t want her to be involved: he couldn’t bare crying people. But not because he hated them but because he didn’t know what to do, how to soothe that suffering. And the sight of Y/N crying in front of him broke his heart.

He stood up and walked closer to Y/N. And when he hugged her she gasped loudly, meaning she didn’t notice him approaching her. She stopped crying, yes, but sadness was still there.

«I…I'm sorry Y/N. My only intent was to protect you. I know you don’t need a knight in shining armour but when this case came out I knew I had to do something. Maybe you would hate me for the rest of your life but if it meant you would live it was alright. So please…realise there wasn’t malice in my actions»

Y/N hugged him back, smelling the sweet scent of his white shirt. The warmth of his body and the heartbeat were so calming, sadness melted in a matter of seconds. They stood there for entire minutes not moving, just appreciating each other presence.

«You're right, I don’t need a knight in shining armour…I want a detective in a white shirt»

L chuckled and that sound sent chills down Y/N's spine. Gosh, she missed that sound.

«Here I am»

«Do not keep secrets from me, Ryu»

«Never again»

[thekillingmoonmoon]

final update

(masterlists)

hello one, hello all, hello to all you long suffering readers that have hung around despite this event becoming something much larger than I ever intended it to become.

so – what is happening?

The event will end December 2021 (I promise)

THERE WILL STILL BE FICS – they just won’t be all the fics promised at the start, hehe

I’m just terrible at following prompts and rules, so, um, the masterlists are going to change again.

why is this happening?

the main reason:

I take too much pride in my work. If I’m going to share something, I’m not going to half-arse it. I want to be satisfied when I share something. I also want to enjoy writing something. If I feel like I’m smashing my head against a wall with a fic, I’d rather not bother, thanks.

other reasons:

I cannot write anything below 1,5k, apparently

I also cannot write stand alone stories!! I must have series! And sequels! (I hate myself lol)

I have some sort of mystery medical condition that means my body and brain run constantly at 30% battery power and most days I can barely remember my chores, let alone write. More hehe

I also have other obligations. Like real friends. And academics. And family.

what to expect:

THE FAVOURITES – dahlia, sweetpea, and more of the hyped ideas will be coming your way.

Basically, I have written for some of the prompts (mostly TR) and I will work to finish those

I have pesky new ideas and I need to write them (think Hanma from TR and Higuruma from JJK)

Some of the characters are literally staring at me in silence and I cannot even start with them (mostly the Fire Force boys, I’m sorry)

long story short:

please hang around, I will still be writing, I will write fewer fics, but the fics I do write will be in the form of short series and will mostly be for Tokyo Revengers.

If you want to be taken off the taglist, just dm me or send me an ask (the same goes for joining the taglist)

Also, I love and appreciate all of you – the feedback and comments I’ve received on this event has been astonishing and inspiring and I’m SO grateful, gosh.

lots of love,

moon

[gureishi]

OkAY SO HELLO AGAIN

my cat Tiko is EXTREMELY VOCAL to the point where he gets on my nerves almost every day. HES MEOWUNG HIS HEAD OFF RIGHT NOW LIKE BRO WTH I JUST GAVE YOU SOME ATTENTION

my mom's better at handling him than i am. im just way too easily irritated. AND LIKE he doesnt just!!! come over to me or my mom for attention! like bro you can just chill on my lap u know and i'll give u attention buT NOPE.

jdvdhsj okay sorry that turned into a mini rant

anyways sometimes i snap at him or even slam on the table (to make noise) to get him to be quiet (thats like, when im in school or trying to focus on hw, art, or writing -- or otherwise not in a position to get up and give him attention). doesnt always work lol... but i just get so frustrated. and i always feel bad but i honestly cant help it; i have a bit of a short fuse, at least when it comes to irritation (rather than anger). occasionally i pretend to through like, an eraser at him, but thats not as common.

so i guess im just wondering how saeyoung would react in those cases? especially the first ones. and i suppose this could get a lil angsty... i only say that because i can feel rn that i would probably feel so guilty for behaving that way in front of someone other than my mom.

it also has to do with that "getting stuck" thing. its hard to actually get up and move sometimes. AND IM ALSO A HUMAN WHO HAS THINgs to do and i cant always entertain Tiko just because he's bored or thinks something is wrong just because we've been sitting in one place for more than 2 hours and appearing to not do anything... smh

msvdjsbsj gosh this is probably so weird and specific lolol sorry 😅 but it is an almost daily thing for me.

and gosh this whole thing probably makes me sound like a monster 😭😭 if it means anything, i would never actually hurt him :(( and i never have in the 10 years we've had him. i just get frustrated so easily and his meow is very loud and sorta high pitched and piercing and persistent... sighh

[417]

You certainly do not sound like a monster! As I’ve told you, we are constantly whining at the dog because he is so very loud (and yes, we should train him better, and we’ve tried, but he is also anxious and my street is very chaotic 😭)

So anyway: I very much get it ❤️❤️❤️

Hmmmmmm what to call this...?

Saeyoung with an MC who gets annoyed at her loud cat

Everyone knows Saeyoung loves cats. What you also know, of course—and what he sometimes forgets—is that he doesn’t actually know anything about cats.

He is startled by the meowing, at first. He is fascinated with your cats: he thinks they are beautiful and charming and adorable and perfect in every way (much like you). He didn’t really expect them to be loud, though. 

His first instinct, of course, is to meow back. He has endless energy to play with the cats—after all, he hasn’t grown up with them, and he only sees the things that are exciting. And of course, they will end up in a long conversation, Saeyoung and the cat. Lots of meowing. Very vivacious meowing.

And look, if you’re in the right headspace for it, it’s pretty cute. He really just wants the cats to understand him. He wants to be their friends. (He wants to make sure he has their blessing to be with you, but that’s another story altogether.)

But if you’re not in the right headspace—you’re working, or writing, or drawing, and need some peace and quiet—it’s not so cute anymore.

It’s automatic: the cat meows, and you snap in response. You’re frustrated; you’re trying to focus, and the incessant noise pushes you over the edge.

And that startles Saeyoung, too. He’s never heard you snap like that before.

Immediately, you feel terrible—you’re hit with a huge wave of guilt. And it is double guilt, because he is here, and you love him, and you don’t want him to think badly of you. 

And you love your cat, of course. You didn’t mean to snap the way you did; you don’t want this beloved boy to think you are a horrible, cat-hating monster.

A moment ago, you rose out of your seat. Now, you sit back down slowly. You don’t really want to meet his eyes.

“Sorry,” you mutter. Your face feels hot. “I didn’t mean...”

He doesn’t say anything right away, and you can feel his eyes on you. You feel like you might cry. Oh, you think—he hates you now.

And the cat is meowing again, because of course he is.

“Hey.” Suddenly, Saeyoung is in front of you. He’s jumped up onto the table and pushed your work to the side—he’s peering down, trying to look in your eyes. “What’s wrong?”

You put your face in your hands so you don’t have to look at him. “I shouldn’t have reacted like that,” you say into your hands. “Don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Gentle, rough fingers on your face—and he’s tilted your chin up so you can’t help but look him in the eye. Ah, and for a moment you are lost there, as you so often are: his gaze is soft, and bright, and intense—once you are looking, it is impossible to look away.

“It was loud,” he says. “I get it. But why are you...?”

He cups your cheeks in both hands. And he probably shouldn’t be sitting on the table, but—but—his hands are warm and he is looking down at you with such deep affection in his eyes. 

“I got frustrated,” you tell him. “But I didn’t want to—I shouldn’t—act that way in front of you.”

His eyes widen. You didn’t expect him to be surprised, but he is—and he is blushing, which seems strange.

“You were trying to—?” He shakes his head, like he doesn’t quite understand. “Okay. Here’s what you have to know.”

He is still holding your face. And this is fine—you could feel his hands on your cheeks forever and it wouldn’t be enough.

“I love you,” he says firmly. “You...know that part, right?”

You laugh—perhaps a little wetly. You do know.

“My love is not conditional,” he continues. You take a shaky breath. “I love you when you’re happy and energetic. I love you when you’re working hard and focusing. I love you when you’re sad and need comfort. I love you when you’re irritated, or frustrated, or angry,” he says.

It is a flood of words, and they wash over you like a rushing river. Your heart is racing.

“You don’t have to act any way around me,” he tells you. “That’s part of the deal.”

The cat is meowing again, but you hardly hear him. Absently, you reach over and pet him. Saeyoung grins.

“And you love your cats,” he adds. “And I know you’d never hurt them just because you’re upset.”

You nod. It’s true. You wouldn’t.

“C’mere?” he asks. He holds out his arms and—oh, he is still sitting on the table, but—you stand, falling into him, resting your head on his chest. He wraps both his arms around you and squeezes you tight.

“You know the same goes for you, right?” you mumble, your voice muffled by his t-shirt. He giggles at the way you sound and presses his lips to the very top of your head.

“No matter what?” he asks. 

“Of course.”

He meows.

Oh, and he is meowing at the cat again: back and forth, as if they are chatting about the weather.

“Saeyoung!” 

You pull back and he smiles apologetically. “Still love me?”

You roll your eyes. You pet the cat. You pet his head.

You do: of course you do. Unconditionally.

[axther]

in short and in long

In which Diluc helps an overworked doctor rest.  for @lirinstaalem​

tw: mentions of amputation and medical procedure 

When Diluc thought about it, most Vision users were prodigies. 

He used to be a captain in the Knights of Favonius. Jean was the Acting Grand Master. Little Klee could flatten the city if she wanted. But Vision users usually were battlemongers, ready to fight for a greater good that they never got rewarded for. They were selfless heroes.

 But YN wasn’t a selfless hero. Not in the traditional sense.

 Diluc met her when the city was being terrorised by Dvalin. They knew him as the great and terrible Stormterror, then, but then the strange traveller came and defeated him. Mondstat was less than ruined, but still in a condition that it need to be fixed. People were hurt, and so there was a committee made to help those that were injured. There were few that helped: some of the nuns, Barbara. But someone new came, from a distant land. She was gentle, with soft touches that helped some that were most wounded. 

She had a strange technique; searing old wounds with her Pyro Vision, making sure that they could not be infected. It was gnarly business, bloody and twisted. But she swallowed whatever disgust she had and got right to work. They called her the Pilgrim. She was a traveller, like the one that defeated Stormterror, and it made many wonder if it was Barbatos smiling down on them to give two angels. 

Diluc, in short, respected her. In long, however, was an entirely different matter. 

He first spoke to her when she had just helped amputate a man’s leg that had been destroyed by rubble. She was wiping her hands, staring down at the empty table he had been on with an empty look. 

“There’s another patient waiting for you,” He murmured. She snapped her head up, almost jumping before nodding. 

“Right, right. I’ll get to it.” She started wiping down her tools, but there was a distracted air about her. She wiped down the same scalpel twice, before Diluc crossed his arms. “Are you ready to do it?” “Hm? What? Oh.” She nodded, jumping again. “Yeah. Of course. Just give me a second.” “We can ask some of the other medics to take care of them.” Diluc walked up to her. “But you need to be able to focus.” “I know.” She set down the tool, slowly, before turning to face him. “Oh. You’re the one that killed the Lawlachurl.” “Yes. Diluc, of Mondstadt.” “YN, of…” She tried mimicing him, but trailed off. “That doesn’t matter. Did you have your injuries looked at?” “I had none.” 

“Alright.” YN looks like she would normally press, but because of the time crunch, didn’t. “Let in the next patient.” “No.” “What?” YN looked back at Diluc, a frown on her face and brows furrowed. “What do you mean?” “I mean, if you mess up and someone dies, it’s on your hands. I’ll send her to someone else.” “No, I can do it. We don’t have enough hands.” “This wasn’t up for debate.”“Neither is me not doing it. I can do it.” “Sit down. You’re swaying.” “No, I’m not.” Just as YN said it, Diluc saw her tilt a little bit to the right. He sighed, poking his head out of the tent. “The pilgrim needs rest. Take the patient to the physician two tents over.” Diluc didn’t wait for whoever had the patient to say anything before going back into the tent, seeing YN stare at him with dead eyes. Her mouth was set firm. “You didn’t need to do that.” “It’s careless to take someone’s life in your hands when you aren’t capable of taking care of them.” “No one else will do it right.” “The physician can do it. You’re a walking corpse.” “Not as much a corpse as the knights outside.” “You’re being reckless.” “And you’re being irrational.” Diluc huffed, not wanting to waste time on a petty argument. “Go get some rest.” YN scowled, but set the tool down and relented. “Fine. But it won’t be for long. Maybe ten minutes, at most.” Diluc waved his hand at her, as if to say ‘yeah, yeah’, and turned to leave the tent. Before he cleared the makeshift door though, he heard a thump and clatter, and spun around to see YN had absolutely collapsed. She had hit the tools on her way down, and they tumbled onto the cobbled street. Diluc didn’t waste a second, simply choosing to scoop her up and carry her out. 

When he walked back into the daylight with her in tow, he saw the Traveller and Venti the bard discussing something. Both turned to look at Diluc and the Pilgrim, and the Traveller’s eyes widened. The little floating child that always hung around him appeared, and almost swarmed YN. “Oh my gosh! Is she okay? Did something happen?” 

“She’s just tired.” Diluc said with a short tone. “She needs rest. Are there any spare beds?” 

“There might be some in the tavern,” Venti mused. “Aether and I were just talking about it.” 

The Traveller nods. “On the upper floor.” “Right.” Diluc nods as well, heading to the tavern and going as gently as he can, as to not wake YN. She stirred in her sleep, but barely, huffing for a second before going back to silence. He opened the tavern door and slinked past beds full of wounded, going up the stairs and finding several spare beds. He picked whatever was the cleanest before setting YN down, bringing the comforter over her body and watching her settle for a moment before sighing. 

Diluc pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. YN was out cold, thankfully, but he didn’t know how long she would be asleep. As much as he pressed for her rest, he agreed with her initial sentiment-they didn’t have time to waste. She could rest, but he wasn’t sure for how long they could manage in before they needed YN and her Vision again. He was sure that he wasn’t needed, at least; he provided financial support, and arms if the Abyss Order came to attack in what waves they worked in. But with Stormterror gone, the Abyss Order was now the prime focus, and they would have to withstand the full force of the Knights.  So, Diluc had become useless. He sat on the edge of YN’s bed, watching her closely. She laid straight, like a soldier might, with a furrowed brow and heavy breath. She seemed laboured, even in her sleep, and Diluc felt himself seem to...tilt, for lack of a better word. No, he wasn’t physically tilting. He was as straight as a line, stiff and scared as a strange feeling pooled into his blood. YN shifted. Diluc nearly jumped. He watched her settle back in her sleep and he glanced away. He didn’t mean to act strange or to come off as a creep. But the lonely Pilgrim seemed so peaceful that Diluc didn’t want anyone to disturb her. He slowly reached out a hand, tentative and calm, before gracing her cheek with his knuckles. It was barely more than a flicker of movement, and he felt her for only a second before pulling away as if burned. There was a tug in his throat, and he looked away and to the door again. He rose from the bed but settled in a nearby chair, sighing and crossing his arms. He figured that if he had nothing better to do, then he might as well try to make sure no one would wake her up. He would glance at her sparsely to see if she was awake, before slowly settling into a nap himself. He dreamed for the first time in years, of two flaming flowers that grew intertwined. 

In short, Diluc respected YN. In long, he loved her. 

[lokislittlesigyn]

//personal post, tw for technical ptsd mention, mental health, friendship.. complications? i'm not sure what warning that necessitates...

My heart feels truly light.

Certainly, some things will tug it down... Sometimes flashbacks come back, I have to ground myself. Motivation is hard to come by - near impossible at times. But my worst days have been so bad, a seemingly mundane day seems like heaven.

It's so nice to be able to share things about Loki and have them be well-received. So many people irl have gone quiet or ignored or made offhanded jabs at me for talking about Loki, that seeing people enjoy it is... Euphoric.

This past week was terribly hard, in many ways. I had to, in a way, say goodbye to my closest friend this week, whom I've known since I was a toddler. We're still keeping in touch, but I know now that I can't be anywhere as close to her as I'd like to be... She's pulling away from me, whether she realizes it (or will admit it) or not.

Realizing it's best to change a relationship like that is bittersweet. On the one, it hurts because I love her, and I wish she'd let me love her and be her friend, because that's all I wanted... I just wanted to be her friend. But she wouldn't receive it. And because of that, on the other hand? I feel relief. Now I know why it felt like she was drifting away - because she was. She was disconnecting from me. It's felt like that for a while. So now comes the time to gently pull back, and be ready if she ever wants to be close again. For now, we can't be. But I'm willing to wait, in case she ever changes her mind.

I hope she does.

Friends, mostly here, helped me work through the complex emotions of it all. I'm grateful for them.

Another friend feels like she's drifting away, too. I want to talk to her soon, if the time's right. I'm worried about her. I'm not sure why she's pulling away.. But even if she doesn't need me anymore, I want her to be safe. Safe and happy.

Besides that, I'm starting a new therapy, a different therapy, for PTSD with a different therapist. I had history with this therapist, so I had to give her the chance to clear some things up - but you know what? I asked her about those things. And she talked and I listened and it was fixed. Gosh, it was so wonderful for someone to hear me and believe me and explain her perspective, and we could move on. I asked for something and got exactly what I needed. I could cry. The fact she just.. Believed me and worked with me was such a relief. She said she's excited to work with me. Something about self awareness. Apparently I can be helped.

She also talked with me a little bit about.. Another condition I may have. Something I'm pursuing testing for. The more I learn of it, the more it seems to fit me. I want a diagnosis. I want to know, so I can make progress. So I can understand myself. Treat myself a little better.

But I still can't imagine what life without PTSD would be like. Feels like I've never not had triggers, not for over 15 years, not since before I knew I was a person. It's strange. I can't imagine not fighting so much all the time. I'm a little scared of that unknown.

Yet... I'm also a lover of change. Loki's taught me that change is good. So, I hope this change is good, too.

Family visits soon. I hope we'll have fun. Maybe I'll even relax. Who knows. <3

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

I've really enjoyed your recent meta takes and was wondering if you could elaborate on your thoughts on Mandy + Ian and her going for Lip as a result (from your Ian Relationships meta)? I love reading about M+I and their connection is just so dear to me 😭

(P.S Thank you for being such a beacon of positivity in the Shameless fandom! I only got into the show during lockdown last year but it's become such a comfort so it makes me so happy to see positivity right now. ❤ )

Oh my gosh, thank you so much! You’re seriously too kind! I totally sympathize with you: Shameless has shot straight to the top of my list of comfort media since watching it right around the same time, so I’m really passionate about sharing the love around. 😃🧡 

To me, one of the most important things to look at in this analysis is motives—who each of these characters are, what they desire for themselves, and how those factors fit together like a puzzle.

Mandy is in such a difficult position. It’s not as easy as saying that she’s a victim of abuse and wants nothing more than to get as far from her family as possible, because that’s simply not true. In s1, we see that she’s very comfortable in her house. She and Mickey exhibit your standard sibling animosity (and competition for Ian’s attention, unbeknownst to her), she makes breakfast for Terry even though she’s obviously not super respectful to him as a parent, and she clearly has a solid understanding of where her family stands in the neighborhood. In a way, she thrives on that in the beginning. At but a word, she can do serious damage to somebody without raising a finger herself. Viewing Ian’s lack of response to her advances as an insult, she takes full advantage of that. In s2, we know that she is being abused in such a heinous way. She takes charge of the situation, although not in a manner that would save her from it. She leaves the house for a while to avoid Terry; she holds him at gunpoint and forces him to accept what he already knows so that he won’t hurt Ian. When they talk afterward, she even recounts what happened in a way that makes it sound like no big deal—he was drunk, and he didn’t know who she was, so it’s whatever. (It isn’t. We know it isn’t. If this is going to be her reality, however, then she’s going to own it. No one will look down on her, especially not a Gallagher who’s barely ahead of her in social standing.)

We’ll pause there because so much of how Mandy changed afterward is tied to Lip, but we can already see that Mandy isn’t like Mickey. Mickey stuck it out with his family and very clearly fell into the same trap we’ve heard verbalized by other male characters, namely the notion that men can’t be abused. It doesn’t matter that that is entirely inaccurate—that’s what they’ve been taught in their environment. That’s what’s normal to them. (That’s part of the dramatic irony in this scenario: we can see how damaging and traumatic these events are, but the characters don’t have our perspective. I don’t think Mickey sees what happened to him as rape, just like Ian doesn’t see what happened to him as grooming or assault. That’s for the audience to comprehend in terms of gravity and should add to our sympathy for them.)

Mandy is different. Women are abused all the time in their neighborhood. It’s visible, and it’s pervasive. In s3, Mandy immediately teaches Debbie how to defend herself against it. She didn’t have to learn. Like not seeing themselves as victims is part of the boys’ culture, fighting not to be one is part of the girls’. But there’s a contradiction in her life: the Milkoviches are the neighborhood badasses, and while she shares in that, it’s limited by her sex. There is something she will never be able to overcome in order to see the same return on her reputation that Mickey and Terry do, not unless she gets out, which will be extremely difficult on her own merits. She’s living in poverty and not doing well in school. Her prospects are limited—she told the counselor so. Based on that conversation and her history with boys even before meeting Ian, she clearly sees one surefire avenue to get out of this hole she’s stuck in: a man with the resources to get out and take her with him.  If she’s lucky, it’ll even be a good man with a good heart who wants to do good in the world.

Now, let’s talk about Ian. (See what I did there?) This doesn’t need to be long because I’ve already talked so much about Ian already lately, but let’s wax poetic just a bit. Ian wants to be a good person. He wants to be able to get by, even be successful, without having to do it through scamming and stealing. He has goals and ambitions, and whatever anybody thinks of those ambitions, he did it with the mindset that he would be a hero—a protector. Along with that, he never gives up. When Mandy sets her brothers on him, he doesn’t hide forever—he seeks her out multiple times to fix the situation. When he can’t get into West Point, he doesn’t quit ROTC and ignore his dreams. He keeps going.

Not only is he someone who wants to be good for himself, but he wants to be good for others too. He shows Mandy kindness that she arguably hasn’t seen from anyone else before. He takes care of his family when hers tends to focus on themselves and their own individual survival more of the time. Ian has what she would have seen as the potential to get out, and at the time, that is what he wants. It isn’t as an escape for him, but as a way to facilitate his own dreams.

The problem? Ian is gay. We can see that that bothers her sometimes because she forgets. She goes in for a kiss in s2 and has to reel back, settling for a hug instead. She gets tired of hearing him talk about Kash in s1 and kisses him to shut him up, saying she just wanted to kiss her fake boyfriend. Ian isn’t attainable. If Ian leaves, he won’t take her with him as a partner, and she can’t ask as a friend. How desperate would that seem to someone who refuses to be put in a position where she even slightly perceives him to be pitying her? She can’t ask. Not Ian. She needs someone else, someone who is also good and capable of getting out of here—who can be convinced to even if they don’t want to. Someone she can also trust and has some sort of connection with. Someone who is a fixer, and someone she can draw in with the only thing she thinks she has of any value: her body.

That would be Lip. Not only does he meet all of those criteria at the time, but she knows she can trust him. She trusts Ian, and Ian is closer to Lip than he is to anyone else—even her. No, Lip doesn’t have any convictions or real desire to leave, but he has potential. She can work with that. She’s also there for the entire Karen saga, so she knows that Lip is someone who takes his responsibilities to the people he’s with very seriously and tries so hard to cultivate that connection. (For example, feeding him, making herself sexually available as often as possible, letting him stay with her when he can’t go anywhere else without any conditions, etc. We even begin to see her distancing herself from Ian a little bit by s3, putting all of her energy into what she has with Lip when, a year ago, they were sneaking around because she said she didn’t want Ian to know about them. That isn’t to say that Ian was seeking her out either, being quite distracted with Mickey, but it’s noticeable for me.)

Like Mickey, Mandy also has a very deep capacity for emotion and affection that seems incongruous with her personality a lot of the time. Also like Mickey, nobody brought that out in her—it was always there. As much as she seemed to hope that Lip would take care of her, the process of growing closer to him led to a level of affection. I don’t particularly read their relationship as being a deep one. Both of them were using the other, to an extent, to deal with their trauma in other areas of their lives. But that sort of thing can foster a kinship, a mutual understanding that transcends time and place and even the terrible stuff that people do to one another.

So, it doesn’t work out. Mandy is hurt and does something unforgivable. She then runs from Lip, straight into what she feels is her only alternative now: an abuser. What else is there for a girl in her position? Ian was unattainable because of his sexuality, but to someone beaten down again and again, perhaps she believed he was also unattainable because he was too good a person. Lip was unattainable despite her best efforts to bridge that gap because of what he had with Karen, but to someone beaten down again and again, perhaps she believed he was also unattainable because her position in his life was to give but never to take. With Kenyatta, all she does is give. She’s embraced being beaten down because what else is there? She leaves with him, believing there’s nothing for her there.

When she finally finds her strength, far from home but hopefully under better circumstances than when she lived in Chicago, she still follows the formula that has ruled her decision-making for some time: finding a place where she can have the control over her life that was never there before, but still with the belief that what she has to offer isn’t academic or able to be built or improved upon. Ian has worked past his perception that his body was what he had to offer, that it was what would provide him with the love he was looking for. But of course, he has. He’s had Mickey to love him when he’s healthy and love him when he’s lost a bunch of weight from a depressive episode spent in bed. He’s had his family to mess up here and there but ultimately love him so much.

Mandy doesn’t have that. She didn’t then either. She got what she wanted—she got out. She even implied that that was the most important thing by telling Ian that being born on the South Side doesn’t mean that’s where they have to stay. But Ian “got out” of the spiral of abuse he unknowingly suffered and the mindset that it fostered while Mandy didn’t. This isn’t to say anything negative about sex work, of course, only the mindset that led Mandy to this point in her life. And when she leaves the house for the last time, she looks at Lip after having asked about him, and they acknowledge each other the way that people who once knew each other do.

I’ve made the joke before that to Milkoviches, Gallaghers are like catnip. It’s flippant and funny enough when we consider how many of them have dated at one point or other. I’ve also said the Milkoviches are designed as a foil to the Gallaghers, a juxtaposed image of what they could have been had their situation been altered slightly. In s10, Mickey mentions how the Gallaghers are messed up and he’s never been happier to be a Milkovich, so there’s some awareness there that these are the two notorious families of the neighborhood, albeit for different reasons. For Mandy to see that not one, but two Gallaghers are out of reach? To perhaps feel as though she’s less than even them, or made to feel that way in her interactions with Lip? It’s the ultimate slap in the face.

She trusts Ian more than anyone else in her life, to the point where she will still call him to help her hide a body long after she’s left him and their home behind. But trusting Ian led her to loving Ian, and she couldn’t have him. Trusting Ian led her to meeting Lip, and if Ian was so good and loved Lip so much, he had to be worth it too. And to her, he was. The problem was that she felt that she wasn’t.

Self-fulfilling prophecies suck: when you’re treated like garbage by a neighborhood that sees your family as garbage and repeatedly experience things that will make you feel like garbage around people with the best intentions, you’ll start believing that you are, in fact, garbage. I think what we’ve watched with Mandy is a steady decline from a place of strength in herself and weakness in her environment to an overall place of weakness that she couldn’t escape. Not with Ian and, when she realized that wouldn’t happen, not with the only real alternative she thought she could trust since she trusted Ian so deeply. 

[redrosesartcabin]

Self indulgent series Part 2.2 (last part for now)

Life part 2

(And here’s the link to Life part 1: https://redrosesartcabin.tumblr.com/post/643294968092442624/self-indulgent-series-part-21 )

It was two months since they had been in New York City.

Y/n was recording her newest album in her favorite studio in Dublin. She had felt a little strange in the morning but had just brushed it off as being especially hungry after eating had made the strange feeling almost entirely disappear.

But as she was getting into recording the songs, she felt it come back, and this time much, much worse. It converted into illness.

And in the middle of the sentence, she just couldn’t do it anymore; she ran.

“Mrs.Kon”, the producer, Mrs.Long yelled, “where the fuck are you going? You can’t just-“, but she stopped herself as she heard the singer throw up in the toilet.

“Dear god”, she uttered, getting up from her seat as did the other musicians. They had already noticed something had been wrong with Red Rose. She was usually very much into her songs and nothing could break her from that, so her just running out was very concerning.

“Mrs.Kon. Are you ok?”, the producer asked carefully, standing before the stall. She felt bad for having cussed out the singer so quickly.

“Yeah, I’m fine”, y/n answered, slowly getting out of the cabin, “I must have caught some bad bug or something. I should better go… I don’t want to, but I really don’t want to spread whatever I have either”

“That’s probably a good idea. Let’s meet next week then. We’ll talk about when over the phone, I still need to check the schedule”

“Ok. Thank you so much!”

“No problem. Get well soon!”

 That however didn’t happen. Over the next few days y/n continued throwing up in the morning. She also had to go to the toilet much more often, had terrible headaches in the evening and slight back pains. And on top of that she noticed her period had skipped.

Eventually she decided to google the symptoms… and it all lead to one thing. (Not cancer luckily like google usually did!) The first article that popped up was-

“Pregnant?!”, she yelled out to herself.

Could it be?

But after thinking it over there was just no other explanation for the collective of strangely specific symptoms.

Immediately, she got up, went to the pharmacy and bought three different pregnancy tests.

“I want to be sure. This wasn’t planned you know?”, she told the pharmacist who looked a little surprised.

“I hope it wasn’t just a fling”, the pharmacist answered.

“Oh god no! I’ve been together with my husband for eight years and we’ve been married for two and a half. I’m good on that front. We’re however very busy people and-“

“It’ll be fine”, the pharmacist reassured her, “you’ll see. A pregnancy won’t stop you from too many plans I’m sure”

“Yeah… thanks”, y/n smiled back nervously.

“No problem. And good luck!”

 With wide eyes she looked at the three positive tests.

“Christ… I actually… wow”

She loved Kenji and he loved her, but it wasn’t the best timing.

“So what though?!”, she yelled at herself, “then I’ll drive to his set and we’ll talk. But what if he’s disappointed? What if he thinks it’s inconvenient? What if he’ll get so scared- NO, don’t even go there, y/n, how dare you?”, but still she felt nervous.

She almost felt like throwing up again but decided she didn’t vibe with that.

“I have to be strong”, she whispered to herself.

So, she packed her things and drove off.

 “Mr.Kon, your wife is here”, one of the staff members told Kenji as he got ready for the next scene.

“Oh ok”, he answered clearly surprised. He was happy to see her, because of course he’d always be happy to have her near him, yet at the same time he was annoyed she didn’t talk to him about it. He had a tight schedule, and he wouldn’t be able to tend to her as much as he’d like to and as much as she’d deserve, “send her in please”

“I will sir”, the staff member answered and only a couple of seconds later she entered. She was beautiful and radiant as always, yet something about her felt a little off.

“Hello, my darling”, he greeted her and gave her a passionate kiss she only returned shyly “, what are you doing here?”, he asked a little too annoyed. He hadn’t meant to sound like that, but her strange return of affection rubbed him the wrong way together with the fact she hadn’t talked to him about coming.

“Can’t I come surprise visit you without going completely off the rails?!”, she asked unusually aggressive.

“I mean sure; But first of all, I didn’t go off the rails and secondly: the way you act you barely seem like you actually want to”

“Which is partly true”, she answered. For a moment a moment of shocked silence passed before he took a deep breath and asked, very passively aggressive.

“Now, what is that suppose to mean?”, but before she could answer he was called for the scene.

“We’ll talk about this later”, he answered, glaring at her, which she returned with an equally angry stare. Of course, in actuality, they were both pretty hurt by this short yet very heated conversation. He was hurt because she seemed to be angry at him for something and was only here to announce that and she was hurt because she hadn’t meant to be like that.

At first, she pretended she was mad at him and sat down on the stool he had sat on to get ready, almost fuming.

How dare he be annoyed she was here without announcing her presence! But the more she thought about it, the more she recognized she had messed up. She had converted her nervousness and fear into pure ratchetness to appear right in the situation. And the more that became clear, the more she felt tears build up. Her emotions were all over these days. She was an emotional person under normal circumstances, but with her condition it was even worse. When she had seen him after two weeks of not seeing him in person, she had wanted nothing kiss him and spend hours hanging around and whispering sweet nothings. And at the same time, she almost fainted with how nervous she was about this whole thing.

“Gosh I’m a mess”, she whispered and couldn’t hold back the tears.

 Two hours later, Kenji had finished with the scene.

He stretched himself, cracking his neck and shoulders and putting on a serious expression.

He was ready to face whatever she was mad about, even if it hurt him, even if it wasn’t true.

Opening the door with a bit too much force, he felt how worked up he was. But as he saw his wife bawling her eyes out on the couch in the right corner of the room, his facade he had built up to prepare for an argument dropped.

He was confused and concerned. She wasn’t angry? What was wrong? Yet he also asked himself what had her in such distress.

He however didn’t dare to touch her yet.

“Darling?”, he asked softly instead, his right hand hovering over her.

She turned around in a quick motion and threw herself in his arms.

“I’m so so so so so sorry”, she whispered, “I was wrong. I shouldn’t have been like that”

“Hey, hey”, he answered, wrapping his arms around her protectively, “It’s ok. Just tell me what I did wrong”,

“That’s the thing: You did nothing wrong.”

“Then why were you so angry at me?”, he asked, genuinely confused

“I’m not angry at you: I’m scared”, she explained, barely able to say it.

“Why? Have you done something wrong?”, he asked

“No… or well a little maybe… I don’t know. It depends”

“Depends?”

“On if you will be ok with it”

“With what? For Christ’s sake y/n, talk to me” he said, frustrated at the guessing game.

She stepped back, looking at him and wearing a sad smile.

She opened her mouth slightly, but not a word came over her lips. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and finally she spoke, “I’m pregnant, Kenji”

Deafening silence filled the room. Kenjis mouth and eyes were wide open in shock and surprise and for a while, he himself felt he was at a loss for words or even thought as he heard his heart hammer in his chest.

 “By me, right?”, he asked after a couple of minutes.

“Yes, by you! Geez … You seriously chose that as your answer?”, she retorted, disappointed at the reaction.

“Of course: Why else would you think I’d be angry at you for being god damn pregnant?”, he asked his voice loud and unusually squeaky

“I was scared you’d maybe find it inconvenient and-“

“Y/n! I told you a thousand times not too overthink too much!”, he scolded her, but with a smile that indicated it was meant in a fun and good-hearted spirit, “I love you. You are my everything. You and especially not a life we created together could ever be an inconvenience. I love you and even if we were still too young, or too poor or at war, I’d be happy.”

She started crying again, but this time of happiness.

“Gosh I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have doubted you again… I should really stop overthinking. I love you so much”, she answered and gave him a salty kiss he still gladly accepted.

 After a couple of months (after the mark where it was sure the baby would live and a miscarriage was unlikely), Kenji and y/n announced the pregnancy publicly which was received with a lot of well wishes and happiness by the fans as well as the family.

Plus, Kenji announced he’d take a break from participating in acting roles for the last three months of Red Roses pregnancy as well as the first six months of the baby’s life.

‘I want to be there for my wife in the hardest times of the pregnancy and the beginning of our childs life to help her and me adjust to the life of a parent as well as bonding as a father’ which was also very much supported by most, though some thought it was stupid since income was needed with the expenses that came with having a child. Kenji however assured those that Red Rose, and him, had earned more than enough to live comfortably even with him not being active or as active as an actor for a little less than a year.

 “So, you didn’t have the stomach flu back then?”, Mrs. Long had asked, amused as Red Rose had returned for the last recording session before the would go into maternity leave.

“Nope. Definitely not that”, y/n laughed as she carefully petted her now slightly, yet clearly rounded belly

 Six months in, it was figured out they would be having a daughter. Kenji Kon and Red Rose however decided not to reveal the name until she was born.

“That’s bad luck where I’m from!”, Red had explained to her fans.

 After that doctors visit Kenji had come home permanently for the time being. He had officially gone into “parenting vacations”, so to speak.

Y/n was happy he was going to be home for so long. She respected his work a lot and was fine with being alone for long periods of time, she had become tired of it real quick though as she advanced in her pregnancy with their daughter. Partly because moving around and about became more exhausting the more her belly grew, and she just felt she needed his support… but mostly because she was extremely hormonal. She missed him a lot more than usual…

 It was a picturesque morning as y/n woke up by little kicks inside of her stomach.

‘She always does this’ she thought a little annoyed yet endeared. She loved feeling her daughter like that. It assured her again and again that she was alive and healthy.

“Good morning little one”, she whispered, knowing it was early and Kenji probably wasn’t awake yet, he was a long sleeper…

Kenji…. Kenji… thinking about him made her feel all giddy inside. She carefully turned around to face him (she found she was more faced away from him these days since she was very conscious of her belly not getting in the way of him being able to move around. He was a very active mover in his sleep, just like his unborn daughter).

He looked so peaceful as he gently breathed through his strong looking yet pointy nose. His hair looked perfect, as always. Only a couple of strands hung loosely from the top and low onto his forehand, which she honestly loved, because it made him look so… himself. He wasn’t all charming, not all dolled up and prepared to look perfect every second of the day. He was himself. Kenji and nobody else. Just like he was with her, but maybe even more relaxed. His lips were slightly open, though he wasn’t drooling this time. She had to hold back a giggle as she remembered several times where he woke up embarrassed and in denial.

“That’s just a humidity spot from the sweat we produce whilst sleeping” he had said with a childish pout and she had simply laughed.

She didn’t care, she loved him all the more for his faults even though he tried to deny them oftentimes.

Gosh… she loved him so much it almost hurt.

  “Good morning, love”, Kenji heard his wife’s sweet voice as he slowly awoke.

“Good morning?”, he asked, his voice still a bit groggy. As he opened his eyes, his gaze immediately fell upon his wife.

She stood there, her blond hair shining y/h.c in late morning sunlight. Her pregnant form was in a comfortable looking, but still form hugging black dress, her lips were painted red and her eyes were framed in her iconic winged eyeliner.

She looked stunning.

Merit came forward slowly and put a tray that had some pancakes stacked on it, some orange juice and a cup of coffee on his lab.

“I woke up early and thought why not make you a nice bed-breakfast for my wonderful husband?”, she explained even though he didn’t ask, though he also couldn’t deny that he hadn’t wondered about that. He smiled in gratitude.

“Thank you, beautiful, I appreciate it”, he said, giving her a quick, but passionate kiss before digging in.

 “I’ll go shopping-“, she started, but was immediately interrupted by a coughing Kenji, who in is hurry to stop her from going almost choked on the piece of pancake he had been chewing.

“No wait! I’ll go after breakfast. You’ve already been so kind to make this for me, you should really take it slow”

She giggled at that.

“I’m not that fragile darling. I’ve been shopping on my own last week when you were still at the shooting too.”

“All the more reason I should help you out now!”, he exclaimed. She swooned how adorable he was acting.

“Thank you darling”

“Anything for you”

“I’ll go sit in the garden for a bit then”, she said, trying to hide her blush. This had been one of these cheesy conversations that just made her head spin.

What a life.

 (Warning: It’s getting a bit less Pg here, but I still wanted to keep this scene)

 “WHY THE HECK DID I EVER ALLOW A D*CK TO ENTER ME!”, y/n screamed.

Labor was painful.

This was worse than anything she had ever felt.

It was the 16th of November 2028.

A week after what the doctors would predict was the birth, so pretty on time. Everything also seemed to go very well.

But still birthing was so painful.

She hated being alive right now.

She hated being a woman, which she honestly never had: Her periods were very kind to her, and she had never been disadvantaged in her life because of that… except right now.

And oh she LOATHED having been seduced by this mother*cker: Her husband.

That beautiful, charming man.

The devil himself in his holy form, impregnated her to make her suffer.

“I WILL NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN I SWEAR”, she screamed.

One of the nurses couldn’t hold back a snicker and thought, and luckily could refrain from saying out loud ‘that’s what they all say. And in two years they’re back with a new baby’

And of course, the nurse was right. And of course, y/n knew deep down she’d forget the pain later and have sex three weeks later, if not earlier.

Though not right now. Oh no, right now she’ll scream and blame him for her pain whilst crushing his hand.

The doctors had explained Kenji beforehand that y/n will be quite distressed, so he had been mentally prepared to be cussed out.

Though wow did he feel bad right now. And not because of the fact he thought his fingers would break any second.

 Twelve hours later it was finally done: Their daughter was born.

Their red headed flame of joy: Tove Kon.

And as expected: When y/n got to lay her eyes on her, she immediately forgot the pain, because whatever she had just gone through brought this little angel to earth. An angel she had made with the man she had loved for over twelve years.

And Kenji… oh Kenji fell in love with a second girl. This, he said to himself, is the second love of his life. He’d do anything for her. He’d be there as much as she could. He wouldn’t become like his father.

“Are you ok love?”, y/n asked him concerned as he was laying, next to her, caressing their daughters little head. At first, he was surprised at that question but then noticed tears running down his cheeks.

“I just… I love her so much, but I’m afraid I’ll become like my father and I don’t want to. I want to love her and give all I can of myself”

Y/N smiled brightly at that. This man truly was so full of devotion and kindness.

“You won’t become him. You couldn’t: Because you love us too much. And that kind of love can’t be broken. You are you, not him. And if you even so much as stray a centimeter away I’ll make sure you stay, ok? I’ll take care of us and I know you will too”

“Thank you. I love you”

“As I love you”

(I’m so sorry, this stuff is so cheesy xD But I hope you liked it anyways. I really wanted to share this with you, just because I know that I’m pretty much the only one who writes Kenji x reader stuff and I spent so much time on this.

Also: If you are interested in the unedited, less Pg version, lemme know. Also don’t worry: They are either both underage or both adults in these scenes, so nothing to worry about)

[fungus-amongus00]

What about an au that Stans about how “weird” “Old man mucket” is and Ford askes about him, then Stan is confused but tells him where he lives and ford talks to his bud for the first time in a long time.

I am so sorry if this is confusing :(

No confusion here! I gotcha ^^ Hope you like it! FEELINGS TIME

Stanford remembered hearing it that morning and nearly dropping his coffee in the process. It had been the mention of a name he had forgotten about momentarily. After all, in all his travels across the multiverse, small things like that were bound to slip his mind. However, the fact that it brought about such a sudden reaction had shown that the memory was not entirely gone. It was still very much a part of him, and hearing that name, brought about a multitude of emotions. The strongest one wracking his brain was of….regret. 

“Hey, kids. Did you see the latest video on Bramble? Man, I swear, that Old Man McGucket keeps getting crazier and crazier. I dunno what he’s gonna do next,” Stanley laughed and then even harder when Mabel showed him another video. 

“I mean, yeah, it’s funny, but I feel kind of bad for the guy. He lives by himself near the dump, and no one’s tried to, you know, help him at all?” Dipper added, sipping on his strawberry milk. 

“Ah, lighten up, kid. As far as I know, that’s just..how he lives. He doesn’t seem like he’s unhappy or anything.” Stanley did stop laughing momentarily. Of course Dipper always had to be the realist just like someone else he knew. He finally noticed Ford standing in the doorway, looking like he was about to pass out. “Sixer? You all good over there?” 

“Oh, no, Grunkle Ford! You dropped your mug.” Mabel hurried over to scoop it up. Luckily, it wasn’t one of the ceramic ones and didn’t break upon impact. It took Stanford a couple of seconds before he registered she was grabbing paper towels to clean up the mess. 

“Terribly sorry, Mabel. I zoned out for a moment there,” he apologized, helping her sop it up before it spread to the rug. “I just...you guys were talking about Fiddleford Hadron McGucket...right?” 

Stanley raised an eyebrow. How the hell did those two know each other?

“Wait, how do you know his full name?” 

“Did you not read his journals, Grunkle Stan? McGucket was his assistant in his research. He was...a genius, really,” Dipper said with a concerned look towards Ford. “I would’ve done something, but..I’m not exactly sure how to help him. He lost a lot of his memory.” 

“You said he lives over by the dump, right?” As soon as Dipper said “yes” in response, Ford was out of there in about five seconds flat, dashing off towards the dump. 

“Ooh! Should we follow him, Dipper? Maybe Grunkle Ford can get the old Fiddleford back!” Mabel gasped. By the look in her eyes, Dipper could tell she had already made up her mind. 

As soon as she ran off, Dipper sighed and grabbed his backpack. He’d really hear it from both Mabel and Grunkle Stan if he didn’t go with. “Uh, be back in a bit, Grunkle Stan!” 

Stanford didn’t stop running until he got to McGucket’s shack. In hindsight, he could’ve had Stan drive him, but this was urgent. He gasped when he saw where he was living. Oh, Fiddleford… He felt that guilt hanging heavy on his chest again. How long had he gone on not even knowing he was here? Of course, he had only recently returned to this dimension, but still! How could he forget about the person most dear to him. The person who….he betrayed..for an interdimensional demon with empty promises. For a moment, he stopped himself as he started walking up to the shack. If his memories returned...would he hate him still? He wouldn’t blame Fiddleford if he never wanted to see him again.

Mustering some courage, Stanford took a deep breath and continued onwards to what sort of resembled a door. A six fingered fist lingered at it a moment before tentatively knocking. He heard rustling from within before a raccoon bolted out of there, making him jump and nearly fall over. Was a raccoon his only company now?? His heart nearly stopped when Fiddleford stood in the doorway, his beard all the way down to his feet and what looked like...a bandage on his beard? Stanford wasn’t about to question it. Fiddleford stared blankly at him before saying, “Well, howdy, there! Can I help you with somethin’?” 

The words caught in Stanford’s throat for a moment. There was so, so much he wanted to say, mostly “I’m sorry, so sorry,” but he held it back. He didn’t know how much of his memory was missing, but given his living conditions, and the fact that he wasn’t completely pissed at him right now, he’d say a lot. He held up a six fingered hand in a wave, putting on his best smile even though his body simply didn’t want to, no matter how much it hurt. 

“Hey, Fiddleford. I’m an...old friend, Stanford Pines. Do you..remember me at all?” 

Fiddleford seemed utterly confused. He “hmm’d” to himself, scratching his beard and looking Stanford over. It got to the point where it seemed to be causing him physical pain, finally stopping with a groan. “Aw, sorry, there. Can’t seem to recall your name, but you’re that new scientist guy that arrived here in Gravity Falls, right? Sorry if I’m wrong. My memory ain’t what it used to be, you know?” 

Stanford let out a sigh and an understanding nod. He figured this was probably going to be the case. Perhaps, he needed some stimuli to get things going. 

“It’s alright, Fiddleford. I know you’ve been through a lot...trust me, I do, so I hope you don’t mind this.” 

Taking a breath, Stanford reached out to place his hands on Fiddleford’s shoulders, slowly drawing him into a hug. 

“I don’t expect you to forgive me, Fiddleford. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for everything that happened. I should’ve put my trust in you, not Bill. Driving you away is one of my deepest regrets. Even in other dimensions, it haunted me in my dreams. I wish...I wish I could take that hurt away, but we both know even the memory gun isn’t perfect. Memories don’t simply disappear, right, Fidds?” In that moment, he didn’t think about if Fiddleford didn’t know what he was talking about. All that mattered now was that he was hugging him again. He didn’t need forgiveness. It was the closure that he’d get at least. 

For a minute, Fiddleford stayed still, but he slowly wrapped his arms around Stanford, sighing softly. Just feeling safe in his arms and his familiar scent, he felt a rush of memories coming back to him, especially with the use of his old nickname Stanford often called him back then. He glanced over when he felt Stanford trembling, tightening his grip on his shirt. His head..well, really hurt, especially at the fact that Stanford was here and in his arms. 

“It was a tough time for both of us. And you know, I forgive you, Stanford. It’s been far too long for me to hold onto a grudge now.” 

Stanford gasped when he heard him call him by his name. Were his memories..returning? Was his hypothesis correct? Tears started to run down his cheeks as he cupped Fiddleford’s face with trembling hands. “Fidds….you really remember me? I-I mean, you shouldn’t forgive me. I betrayed you. You were the person I was closest to, and I turned my back on you, drove you mad enough to use the memory gun on yourself. I..I don’t think I deserve it..” 

“Oh, Stanford,” Fiddleford chuckled, looking up at him with the softest smile. “What matters is learning from your mistakes. Obviously, you found out the truth about Bill and his intentions, and you worked hard to correct your mistakes. Like I said, it’s been too long for me to hold onto a grudge, right, old buddy?” 

He winced a bit when another headache and rush of memories came on. “Ah, look at this. You’re sparking so many lost memories o’ mine. It’s like magic!” 

Stanford let out a choked laugh, having to remove his glasses a moment to wipe away his tears. 

“Yeah, it kind of is. I would say magic doesn’t actually exist, but..I’ve seen far too much to say that anymore. Plus, Mabel would probably kick me in the shin if she heard me say that.” After taking a moment to collect himself, Stanford offered his hand to Fiddleford. “How about we find a place to chat and catch up? My brother actually turned the old cabin into a tourist trap of sorts, but it’s a good place to hang out in. And really? A shack, Fidds?” 

“Hey, don’t blame me! I lost my mind, literally!” Fiddleford teased and accepted Stanford’s hand. The warm touch of it was something he really had missed. 

“OH MY GOD, GRUNKLE FORD! That was sooo cute! I actually started crying myself,” Mabel squealed from a nearby bush as she tumbled out of it followed by Dipper. “Oh my gosh! You guys are literally the cutest!” 

“Mabel...they just met again after...a really long period of time,” he said, having forgotten the exact number. “How about we give them some space?” 

“Oh, yes, yes. Space is important, but afterwards you guys have to tell me everything!” 

Stanford chuckled as he watched her drag Dipper off, guiding Fiddleford along. Things were still a little...awkward, but he was sure they’d regain their footholds in their relationship again. Things were a little different now, but after all these years, Fiddleford was still Fiddleford, and that was enough for him.

[artificiallyimplantedmemories]

[ ooc: ep 4 liveblog & opinions under the cut! this one got long winded because I had a lot that I was thinking about (and it took me twice the length of the episode to actually watch through it because I kept pausing to type oops) ]

yeeeesh that’s one way to start. thank you for letting bucky cry.

but also the look of pride on her face when she says “you are free” they’ve been working so hard and she’s so happy with the progress bucky has made ;_;

and now she’s so betrayed :(

but I’m also so glad Bucky learned xhosa that’s super important! <3 part of decolonization of the past involves respecting and learning and propagating languages and cultures that have been trodden over. Wakanda has been something of a safe place in that regard, and are now doing the outreach to help their continent and the world, but it takes the world of people within the majority putting in the effort and learning and embracing those cultures and languages (without appropriation, which I know is a fine line to walk sometimes) in order to really make progress. once it is no longer alien, it is also no longer scary, and can be held in proper esteem.

“sweet of you” shut your mouth Zemo xD

“she’s just a kid” thank you for your compassion Sam. and while she’s an extremist, I’m not sure whether Karli counts as a supremacist or just a terrorist? maybe she counts as genocidal if she’s truly trying to restore things to Blip conditions but it’s kind of unclear.

“the serum never corrupted Steve” “touché” YO EVEN HE ADMITS IT

Sam’s understanding of cultural habits (and there are many overlaps between various cultures and the ways they mourn) is such an asset here, and I’m glad that they’re pulling a contrast between the tech-driven, cold, calculating predictions made by certain people and organizations in other parts of Marvel and the general sort of soulful and instinctive approach here

Turkish delight. Excuse me but Narnia cemented the idea in so many people’s heads that it is this magical thing but it’s like superglue in your mouth. It is not irresistible, Zemo.

Legislation and social change as a result of violent action is nothing new. Every peaceful protest has been backed up by some kind of harm, whether it be economic, like a boycott, or physical, either damage to property or lives. I think instinctively people understand this, but it’s good to see it put in the spotlight.

Sam is “stranger danger” to these kids :/

“I know what happens when people say they’re going to help out... nothing.” Ouch.

The way Sam’s gaze falls at that too, because he knows theoretically that a lot of these injustices are happening and can empathize, but practically hearing it hurts. He doesn’t like not being trusted either, but I think he can probably understand why.

Zemo playing that psychology game! Kids love food and the idea that he must be a good person just for having a kid is dumb as hell but something that kids would gravitate towards. Smart man. Doubly smart for not telling them, Nat would approve if she didn’t hate him :P

Sam de-escalating is gonna be a trend I can just see it.

Cherry blossom tea? Interesting choice.

SHARON HI 

Nat vc: gosh it’s nice to see someone competent around here. 

ooooh they’re really reinforcing the idea of Captain America being a figurehead that inspires people

“heroes these days don’t have the luxury of keeping their hands clean” yeah well it’s because Steve had people like Bucky and Nat do do his dirty work, but sure

“all the people history just left out” OW

okay first of all Sam being the one who is insisting on reasoning with them because he knows what it’s like to come from an oppressed people !!! he knows grief and trauma !!! he can do this !!!!! I just know Walker is gonna fuck it up for them :P

second, Walker trying to emotionally manipulate Bucky? it’s a testament to how far he’s come that he doesn’t punch the guy immediately lol

Hoskins being the voice of reason as a foil for Walker again what?! this version of Lamar isn’t nearly as terrible as I expected.

Zemo calling that itty bitty girl his associate xD He really does understand the people here though... aaaand he’s getting handcuffed. Totally didn’t see that coming (he’ll probably break free anyway)

The conversation between Karli & Sam ;_; 

“you’re either brilliant or hopelessly optimistic” “por quo no los dos.gif”

Walker trying to guilt Bucky again god he’s so dumb. I appreciate the fact that he’s ruthless but he’s so narrow minded in how he approaches problems. oh no I have an issue let’s punch it until it dies! come on man.

Karli is so heartbreakingly naive and that’s becoming more and more obvious. I love Sam opening her up like this wow.

WALKER FUCKING IT UP AS ALWAYS

and the cuffs empty WHAT DID I TELL YOU

god we were getting somewhere ;____;

oh good just what we need, serum in Walker’s hands. he was already awful he doesn’t need to be more awful gdi

“we separate them and then we kill Captain America” ...yes, we’re listening xD

I know crazy because I am crazy... oh boy we got some internalized stuff, but let’s play it off

still a little blame game going in terms of where the shield ended up I see

THE DORA MILAJE ARE HERE -swoon-

pOINTY STICKS I cackled oh boy he gonna get his ass WHOOPED

Sam is enjoying the hell out of this

Zemo watching and drinking

“Looking strong, John!” “Bucky”

oooh dear they tangling and Zemo’s getting away.

your arm’s off! no it’s not

WAIT WHAT DID AYO SAY BEFORE SHE SAID JAMES

they all got their asses kicked ah well. also the look on Walker’s face says he gonna serum himself up, the lil fucker. oh no someone’s better than you how will your ego ever survive.

a lil Battlestar logo!!! shut up that’s cute. they’re really making him halfway likeable here.

“power just makes a person more of themselves”

ohhhh okay time to unlock Walker’s traumatic backstory. at least he feels bad about the things he did. at least he knows that those medals of honor are covered in blood. people are at least partly made by their circumstances, and I wonder what he was like before the war. the only indication we have of it is him being a football star, and while I may not have had the best track record with those in my youth, that doesn’t mean there aren’t decent ones out there...

Sarah’s “my world doesn’t matter to America, so why should I care about its mascot?” Oh, we’re speaking to the disenfranchisement of marginalized people hardcore today okay. if anyone’s gotten this far in my overly long commentary I want you to know that this is the realest alright? it’s hard to be proud of a country and its symbols when it doesn’t do right by you, when the majority doesn’t do right by you. am I glad I was born here? sure. are there worse places to be? sure. am I proud to be an american? oof, man, don’t ask me that.

Karli is not pulling her punches, she’s threatening the whole fam. Sam isn’t gonna like that... He sounds like he’s trying to suppress panic instead of being angry on the phone call with Sarah. I think he understands what Karli is trying to do, even though he hates how. And he’s worried, because he’s always gonna be worried. Poor guy. And there’s the confrontation.

Sharon got their backs!

Oof, seeing the gun with the shield.

Gunshot, run, oh, listening, he’s already got the serum, maybe? Given how deeply that shield is embedded in the wall I’m gonna say yes. YUP I WAS RIGHT.

Something about the water dripping and Lemar’s face makes me think he may have been waterboarded at some point :( but maybe he’s just in a lot of pain.

THE KNIFE CATCH. YES YES YES. THE KNIFE FLIP. Nat is so hearteyes.

Ooh, we gotta upgrade that wingpack with Stark repulsors pls go Sam go

oh no. Lemar. fuck. FUCK.

oh good now you’ve done it. killing a guy as Captain America. fuck.

the blood on the shield as the last shot! ~cinematography~

hoooo I’m chilled. I knew something along these lines was coming but oof. 

[petri808]

Hauntober prompt Ghost (sort of lol)

Bakudeku requested by @nona-inc Angst w/happy ending, AU modern times. Longer than I’d planned to write but stories go where they wanna lol.

Got the idea here

A Second Chance

In his adulthood, Izuku Midoriya did quite well for himself career-wise. He had a nice home and lived comfortably even though it was alone. Relationships had never really crossed his mind, which he chalked up to the turmoil of his childhood. It wasn’t a terribly horrible one but coming from divorced parents is never easy on young child minds. Why get close to anyone if they’ll probably leave eventually? That was a lesson bolstered by the end of primary school when his best friend ditched him for the popular kids.

It was Halloween night, and Izuku’s simply followed his normal routine after work consisting of dinner while watching a bit of television. Trick or treaters were a rarity in his neighborhood, so there was no sense in celebrating the holiday. As he waits for the news, he lets the current show drone on in the background while he scrolled mindlessly through his social media. He didn’t pay a lot of attention to what acquaintances posted and mostly looked for interesting or funny posts instead.

“Deku...”

Izuku’s brow furrows slightly at that ancient nickname. He looks at the television characters on the screen, had one of them said it? But instead of the tv show, he finds a fuzzy, staticky screen. He grabs his remote assuming something had gone wrong with the channel or service when...

“Deku, I’m sorry...”

“What the?” Izuku starts clicking the buttons and getting no response. The screen stays stuck, yet that voice... it was a familiar voice from long ago...

“...I’ve watched you from afar for all these years, because I could never admit how much I loved you and now it’s too late. I’m so sorry Deku. You’ll always be my only true love.”

Silence. Dead silence for a flash of a second when the television loudly blares back to life and startles Izuku out of his seat into a standing position. “What the fuck is going on?!”

The show had ended, and the news is now on in its regular-timed slot.

‘Breaking news, a major four car accident on the I10 highway has left 3 people dead and one in a critical condition. The victim identified as 37-year old K. Bakugou had been transported to the hospital for treatment. Police have closed off the highway in both directions, so anyone traveling in that area should use alternative routes...’

As he watches the footage of the accident story, Izuku���s hand unconscious covers his mouth and tears gather in his eyes. “Oh my gosh....” That was the voice he’d just heard! Of course, Katsuki was the only one who ever called him Deku.

He quickly calls one of the nurses at his hospital and they confirm that the man had in fact been transported there 15 minutes ago.

“Oh! Dr. Midoriya! We were just about to call you! Yes, patient Bakugou was brought in unconscious, lacerations to his arms and chest, broken leg, possible punctured lung, internal bleeding, concussion, and brain swelling which is why I was just about to call you in.”

“I’ll be right there.”

The entire way there, Izuku struggles to rationalize the message. If Katsuki was unconscious, how could that have been his voice? Then again that’s if you believed his television had somehow sent the message in the first place! Oh, this was entirely crazy! Izuku didn’t even know why his logical mind was allowing him to believe it had happened if not for the coincidence of the news coverage.

But as a neurosurgeon, he had to put all those questions aside and focus on the task at hand. The description the nurse had given him already indicated major problems, but it wasn’t until his own physical examination that determined the true extent of the damage. Primary surgical nurse Uraraka already had set up the operating room by the time Izuku arrived.

“The patient was revived once by EMTs in the ambulance and a second time in the ER after his heart stopped. Right now, the patient is intubated and prepped for emergency surgery.”

“Thank you, nurse Uraraka.”

Along with a fellow doctor, Izuku switched into a hyper focused mode. He works to repair the damage to the patient’s brain while the other doctor simultaneously focuses on internal chest injuries. Time was of the essence to stem the blood loss and mitigate further damage if they had any hope of saving the man, because even if he made it through the surgery, only a miracle would bring him back at this point.

It was now a waiting game. They keep Katsuki in a medically induced coma for the first three weeks as his body worked hard to repair itself. Once he was brought out of the induced coma, he still didn’t wake up, was breathing with the assistance of a machine, but at least the man’s heart was functioning normally. Surprisingly, Katsuki’s parents remembered Izuku and were grateful their son was in familiar hands. They’d initially flew in after the accident, but the cost to stay for such a long length of time would be too steep. So, after they returned home, he kept them up to date.

Each day that passed by, Izuku would check in on Katsuki’s progress like a normal doctor would, but at night he’d go home and ponder the ghostly message that had come through the television. He’d told no one about it because who would believe something so crazy? It just didn’t sound like the man, or rather child he remembered. Never once was there any indication Katsuki had romantic feelings for him, especially considering it was him not Izuku that ended their friendship. They saw each other in passing though middle, then high school and still nothing. So why is he now being told this?

Some say that when you die, any regrets you have must be released or your soul cannot ascend to the next plane. Izuku wasn’t religious or spiritual and before that Halloween trick he would have said he didn’t believe in anything beyond what he couldn’t see, touch, feel, and analyze. Ugh! Maybe that’s why this was all driving him so crazy. He wanted answers but the one person who could give it to him was stuck in a coma.

“Everything okay doctor?” One of the LPN’s asks Izuku. “I just need to check on the patients vitals.”

“Do what you need to nurse, I’m just visiting before I go home for the night.”

“Yes, doctor.” The woman makes her chart notations and leaves them alone again.

Because of Izuku’s standing at the hospital, he’d gotten Katsuki a private room. The man was taken off the breathing machine a week earlier and this way he could monitor the man without being pestered. There were times he would spend a few hours just watching the man sleep, trying to study what had become of his childhood friend. Through research, Izuku learned Katsuki had moved here around the same time that he’d started his internship at the hospital. Before that the man lived in the same town as the medical school he attended. It appeared Katsuki really was keeping track of Izuku, never married, and just worked in the marketing field.

Izuku squeezes the man’s hand with his eyes closed in a silent conversation. The only sounds being the beeps and noises of the machines to break the stillness. Lost in his own thoughts, he didn’t know what to think, what to feel, just that this man was dredging up long buried emotions that part of him was afraid to open up. Hadn’t he built up a good life, albeit a lonely one, it was still by his own wit and merits whereas Katsuki always had it so easy. The man was a smart, handsome jock, popular, and had been on track to do great things. While he was the geeky kid with freckles and wild green hair who the popular kids teased.

They were so close as little kids, all through preschool and the first years of primary. Katsuki was the extroverted one pulling him along on make believe adventures to emulate a shared love of a comic book character. In fact, it was with Katsuki’s help that he’d weathered his parent’s divorce. He idolized the stronger boy and wished he was Katsuki, not a weak like little nerd... perhaps having his child’s heart broken, really was the reason he swore off ever caring about anyone else again.

Did he just?! Izuku’s eyes pop open when his hand squeeze is returned by a weak one. Katsuki’s eyes are still closed and nothing else seemed unchanged. Perhaps it was just a nervous tremor, they happen sometimes. But no there it is again! Izuku stares down as the weak squeeze slowly turns into a grasp of his hand.

“Katsuki?”

A third squeeze. That meant the man was alert enough to hear and understand! Friend or not, it was the kind of thing to get a neurologist excited! Izuku quickly moved into doctor mode again and starts checking all the stats as well as alerting the nurse on shift.

“Welcome back Mister Bakugou.”

The man squeezes his hand.

“I’m your doctor, Midoriya. You might remember me...”

The man squeezes again and tries to talk, but after being intubated for a long time the throat tends to be dry, sore, and the muscles weakened. All that comes through is so faint it’s barely audible.

“Mister Bakugou, you’ve been unconscious for almost two months now, please try not to talk just yet, everything will be fine.”

But that only makes the man angrier. Furious red eyes flashing, Katsuki grips harder to Izuku’s hand using what little strength he has to try and pull him closer. So, Izuku leans in. “Calm down, it’s gonna...”

“Ma—y...” angry growling noises. “Mar...”

Obviously, the man wasn’t going to stop until he gave in, so Izuku leans in even more until his ear is practically next to Katsuki’s mouth. “I’m sorry?”

“Marry me damnit!!”

Izuku shoots straight up. “What?!” Is the guy serious?! The first words out of his mouth is that?! Wow... Katsuki really hasn’t changed, feisty as ever even after almost dying.

“Pa-pa—per pen!”

“H-hold on, just try to calm down please! I don’t want you to strain your heart!”

Midoriya grabs the chart, flips the paper over to the blank backside, and puts a pen in Katsuki’s hand. He holds it steady as the man scribbled shakily. ‘No waste 2nd chance marry me Deku.’

“Mister Bakugou, this is...”

The man pounds his fist on the bed then scribbles more. ‘Stop call me that! nickname!’

Izuku sighs and squeezes his eyes closed for a second. He hadn’t used that name since primary just like he’d hadn’t heard Deku all these years. “Kacchan. Happy now? I-I can’t just say okay. You—y-you ditched me remember and now you suddenly pop up and expect me to marry you?! Kacchan you almost died, I get it, that’s a scary thing to deal with, but you just need time to process...”

Katsuki writes, ‘Nothin 2 think bout. No more regrets,’ Then he mouths out the rest in a whisper, “I love you Deku.”

Izuku sighs, “I’m not saying yes or no Kacchan. Just get well first okay, then we’ll talk about everything.”

“Fine.” The man closes his eyes again seemingly satisfied with the answer.

He squeezes Katsuki’s hand. “I’ll see you in the morning Kacchan.”

When Izuku leaves that evening, he couldn’t help but walk out with a flutter in his chest and a pang in his heart. There really was a lot he still needed to get off his chest, but... he felt the honesty from Katsuki. If his dying regrets had been strong enough to reach him via spiritual mail, and the first thing he wanted to talk about was love, then... ‘take the second chance Izuku.’ Not everyone gets one.