#my gods i may have created a monster /j

[wordy-little-witch]

Hiiii ur crossguild x adams family post has me kicking my feet n screaming sksiisksksdj ESP 2 LAST PARTS GRAH

wordy u cant just end it like dat plsss i need to see how enid would interact w the rest of crossguild esp buggy i need my colorful blorbos ro interact 😳🥹👉👈

Enid's opinions of Cross Guild!!!!!

Crocodile

Reminds her of one of her teachers once. Is a little intimidated initially but eventually finds that he's rough around the edges and fun to annoy. He tried doing the Protective Uncle Bit, but very quickly realized Enid would more likely be hurt by Wednesday and turned it into Becoming An Addams 101. Honestly, Croc gets along well enough with her, thinks she has the makings of a shrewd business woman. She enjoys kicking his ass at card games, both for pride points and the inevitable rewards ((He funds her addition to weird cutesy journals and flouncy pens))

Mihawk

Enid took one look at this man and had to fight the strangest urge to bite him. Why? No idea, but something about him made her a little feral. Eventually decides it's the bird-like habits and some weird werewolf thing. She is still trying - and failing - to get Mihaw to spar with her. She absolutely asked him for tips on eyeliner. Overall, he's cool but not her favorite future uncle in law.

Buggy

Ohhhh boy where do we begin... so first meeting was both FANTASTIC and absolutely abysmal. Buggy probably tried showing off, made a fool of himself, and then managed to somehow pull competence seemingly out of his ass. Most people weren't sure how this would go or if it could be saved.

Ultimately, however, Enid and Buggy become INCREDIBLY close. They bond over past family trauma and the inherent amusement in finding respected boundaries in the most unexpected places. They bond over bright colors, unapologetic authenticity, giggly bits and all. He probably teaches her different methods of fighting to expand on later, and they spend some Bad Days just.... talking. Wednesday is a comfort to Enid, but Buggy just sort of.... GETS it.

Bonus points, he probably also taught her some random circus tricks, and I feel like Enid would adore aerial arts. On the girls' anniversary one year, she even convinced Buggy to help her choreograph a performance just for Wednesday to a song important to then on black silks.

On the topic of Enid however, I DO think she would probably be a big voice in encouraging Buggy to talk to Shanks.

And I think it would be hilarious to give all the Addams a really greasy redhead uncle on their Baba's side, and for the entirety of the family to be. Amusingly protective of these two pirate Emperors.

((Bonus points, this would make Luffy an Addams by proxy, Zoro an Addams by adoption alongside Perona, and man. The hijinks. Nami bats her eyes like "I hear you have mon-" and the family is just like "MONEY YES PLEASE HELP YOURSELF!!!"

Gomez keeps fucking up into success and gets so excited because "finally!!! I can make so many trust funds!!!! This will surely deplete the excess-!!!!" Only it somehow folds back on itself and triples his wealth. He is so upset. He is crying, really, he must hide away into the space between his wife and husband's tender bosoms, he swears the tears are real and not an excuse to burrow into heaven-))

Anyway yeah Enid has Opinions and she might decide she wants to be a pirate one day but that's fine, really :))

[raihann1]

STOP

When I tell u the corpse bride and CP fic was so unexpected but so needed. Basically

I LOVED IT OML😭 IT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY CREATIVE CONCEPT AND A FUN READD AHH

Anyway, if you could make a part two I would be forever grateful. But don't push urself, I don't mind waiting<3 AND UR ART IS ADORABLE--

Okay, I'll leave you be now. Have a great day/night 🤧

🦋The other man⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖Eyeless Jack x Reader 2.

NOTES: AW THANKS!! Im going to continue this series untill its basically the whole thing, who should Victoria be? 😭

OLD!Notes: Gosh I love Corpse bride.. how about eyeless jack as a corpse husband though? 😼

Unaccurate E/J

This was made to fit F!readers sorry :( 𓈒ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚✶🦋☆🦋★🦋☆🦋★🦋✶ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚

You ran, ran for your damn life. What even was that thing?! No way in hell would you get catched by that! You ended up bumping headfirst into a large tree, whimpering in pain you saw the figure slowly making its way towards you. Your vision was blurry but you knew it was him. It had to be. You tried running agian only for you to embarassingly hit your head once agian on the same tree. You shook your head and dashed out of there. Slipping on ice and dashing through the forest as the figure seemed to try and reach out for you. The sharp branches you dashed through seemed to grab you and hold you in place as you gasped as one clung onto the collar of your shirt.

"Oh god!" You whispered as you trudged through them making it towards the bridge.

Crows seemed to appear out of nowhere and soon everything seemed peaceful once agian. Your breathing was heavy as you conciously looked around. Sighing in relief once you saw no trace of the man. You walked slowly backing away when suddenly.

BAM

Staring right back at you was the man, or demon or whatever this monster was! You gasped in shock. Backing away eyes widened as he slowly stepped closer to you reaching out for you.

"You may kiss the bride." The mans raspy demonic voice said as you could just sense he had a shit eating grin behind the mask. ---------------------------- Ｔｗｏ Your vision was blurry as you noticed two figures. One was the man, and another.. a skeleton.

A skeleton?!

"A new arrival?" The skeleton said intrigured.

"She must have fainted, are you alright?" He said tilting his head and reaching to place one hand behind your head.

"W-what happened.." you said seeming dazed.

"Looks like we got a breather!" The skeleton said its face inching closer to yours.

You gasped in shock.

"Does he have a dead brother?" A lady said shoving the skeleton out of the way.

"She's still soft!" A child like skeleton said joyfully.

You backed away, slowly moving upwards and taking in your surroundings.

"A toast!" A short skeleton with a cutlass shoved into its body said raising his glass. Another skeleton removed the weapon as the weird drink dispensed into his cup.

"To the newly weds!" He continued as the cutlass was once agajn plunged into him.

"Newly weds?!" You said astonished.

"In the woods! You said all those vows.. so.. perfectly!" He said gently grabbing your hand where a gold rusted ring was.

"I-i did?!" You said staring at your ring finger.

"I did!" You said realizing, you fell hitting your head over and over agian.

"Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!!"

"Coming through! Coming through! My name is Paul," a talking head said.

You gasped agian.

"I will be creating your wedding Feast!"

Suddenly a boy with blonde hair, black eyes and blood seeping from them appeared. He seemed to be some kind of glitch, a virus? His voice sounded of a child.

"Wedding feast?! Fuck yes!!" He sajd giggling as his whole body seemed to glitch.

"Your "husband" smiled and nervously laughed."

"Viruses.. hah.." he said.

"Oh!" You said almost falling AGIAN..

"Keep away! You grabbed the cutlass from the tiny skeletons body, struggling to retrieve it."

"I- i've got a.. dwarf and am not afraid to use it!" You said shaking.

The room gasped.

"I want some questions...NOW."

"Answers." The skeleton corrected you.

"I think you mean answers.."

"T-thank you yes..answers, I need answers."

Your "husband" seemed shocked.

"W-whats going on here! Where am I!" You said fumbling.

A pool ball fell from a pool table awkwardly.

"Who are you?!"

"Well.. thats kind of a long story."

"What a story it is, a tragic tale of romance, passion and a murder most foul." A skeleton in a top hat said.

"This is gonna be good!" The small skeleton said as you looked confused.

---------------------------------------

Notes: you should listen to Remains of the day so it makes it more realistic :). Here are the changed lyrics!

Hey!Give me a listen, you corpses of cheerLeast less of you who still got an earI'll tell you a story, make your skeleton cryOf our own judiciously lovely corpse spouseDie, die we all pass awayBut don't wear a frown 'cuz it's really okayYou might try and hide, and you might try and prayBut we all end up the remains of the dayDie die die, yeah yeah, die die dieWell! A man is a gem known for miles aroundA mysterious stranger came into town she was angel like good lookin' but down on her cashAnd our poor little baby he fell hard and fastWhen his mother said no, he just couldn't copeSo our lovers came up with a plan to elopeDie, die we all pass awayBut don't wear a frown 'cuz it's really okayYou might try and hide, and you might try and prayBut we all end up the remains of the dayDie die die yeah yeahDie die die yeah yeahDie die die yeah yeahDie die die yeah yeahYeah, so they conjured up a plan to meet late at nightThey told not a soul kept the whole thing tightNow her fathers suit it fit like a gloveYou don't need much when you're really in loveExcept for a few things or so I'm toldLike the family jewels and a satchel of goldThen next to the graveyard by the old oak treeOn a dark foggy night at a quarter to threeHe was ready to go, but where was She?She waited(And then) There in the shadows, was it a Girl?(And then) His little heart beat so loud!(And then) And then baby, everything went blackNow when he opened her eyes, he was dead as dustHis jewels were missin' and his heart was bustSo he made a vow lyin' under that treeThat he'd wait for his true love to come set him freeAlways waitin' for someone to ask for his handThen outta the blue comes this lovely young girlWho vows forever, to be by his sideAnd that's the story of our own, corpse husbandDie, die we all pass awayBut don't wear a frown 'cuz it's really okayYou might try and hide, and you might try and prayBut we all end up the remains of the dayYeah

𓈒ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚✶🩸☆🩸★🩸☆🩸★🩸✶ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚

Part 3 anyone?

[pascaloverx]

Hit The Road

Chapter Two

previous chapter next chapter

Summary: You are a hunter of supernatural beings who is forced to experience a new reality: being a vampire. The only thing stronger than your thirst for blood is your thirst for revenge.

Author's note: the characters mentioned here were created by Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec, based on the book series of the same name by author L. J. Smith. They don't belong to me. That said, this fanfic will be short. This fanfic may address scenes of violence, inappropriate language and adult content. Minors should not interact with this story.

The man I attacked it is unconscious, tied up with vervain-soaked ropes. You set traps while he's in beauty sleep. By now, you'd think he'd be awake.

"If you think my brother will come here, you might be right. But he'll kill you and then rub it in my face that I'm an easy target." He says as he is waking up, he seems to be in some pain. I almost feel sorry for him.

"That's the point, dear man who I think is named Stefan. He already had the chance to kill me. And your idiotic brother decided to turn me into a vampire. So, tell me, what will be my fate this time? For what reason did that monster turn me into a soulless bloodsucker?" The resentment in my voice makes all the anger boil in my blood. Stefan seems to take pity on me, poor thing.

"Do you want to kill me to make him pay for the life he took from you?" Stefan is so understanding that it makes me want to vomit. I can kill him, and he wants to understand me. It's baffling how he's the brother of that psychopath.

"Killing you wouldn't give him even a third of what he deserves. I lost your life, killed my best friend during the transformation, and now I am being hunted by the clan that used to be my family." Saying this hurts in the soul, but you can't cry. Human emotions now seem so superficial.

"Almost all vampires go through this, dear, but they have the decency to attack the right person." Damon says behind you, and you smile. Finally, the rat is trapped in the mousetrap.

"You finally arrived at the party. I was starting to think your brother would die in your place." You say, while holding a stake in your hand.

"Your issue is with me, deal with me, and let him go. We can talk like adults, Y/N." Damon is so cynical it's laughable. He simply thinks he can get out of this situation with his fake charm. He could have done much better than that.

"You did this to me, tell me the reason, and your brother is free. No jokes or excuses. I want the truth, Salvatore." You continue to grip the wooden stake.

"You and I, we had a history. You asked me to make you forget. I couldn't let you die that way." Damon says, looking serious about it. What the hell is this?

"It can't be real... you're making up all this shit to deceive me." Something in you spirals out of control, as if it doesn't make sense. Him and you? It must be a joke. Damon gets close enough for the wooden stake in your hands to be aimed at his chest. Something stops you from killing him, but you still manage to land a punch on Damon's face. Congratulations, Y/N, you're definitely incompetent when it comes to annihilating a vampire.

He screams, perhaps more from the surprise of you managing to hurt him than from the pain itself. But unfortunately, your plan backfires. Damon catches up to you, and in an instant, your consciousness fades into darkness. At least you will die in peace. Until you feel a light calling you, or a voice with a light. Who knows, maybe it's God...You respond to the voice addressing you by your name, telling it to go to hell.

"Wake up, princess... I think you'll like the surprise." You finally open your eyes and see your personal nightmare smiling at you. Great, you've gone to hell, and the devil has taken on Damon's appearance.

"Not even dead I have peace..." You murmur as you feel your body stretched out. You are trapped by your legs, held down by a tree trunk.

"Darling, you're more alive than you think. Technically, you're dead, but being a vampire means eternal life, isn't it ironic?" Damon is a complete disaster in your life. He can't even serve to kill you.

"The Damon I've heard of would kill me for kidnapping his beloved brother and impaling him with a scythe, where is he?" You decide to provoke him to the point that he loses his temper.

"Your plan won't work, I'm a new man. Or a lighter version of what I used to be. But even the person I used to be wouldn't kill you." Damon responds in an enigmatic way.

"What are you going to do then, tough guy? Keep me here forever?" You add defiantly.

"If I knew, you wouldn't be hanging from a tree." Damon responds, his tone carrying a mix of frustration and resignation.

"Let me guess, your other moral compass can't know that you turned into vampire a good, innocent woman and then hung her from a tree like a piece of meat in a butcher shop?" You can tell you hit the mark by Damon's expression.

"Did you know that when you're quiet you look prettier?" Damon says as you swing from the tree. All you can think about is escaping.

"Go to hell with your compliment. I'm amazing at talking, hunting, and killing monsters like you." You retort aggressively.

"You're still the same woman you were in the past. Just as boring as before." You feel like you should fight back, but you are flooded with momentary memory. A blurry memory surfaces, where you were running in a forest. Your favorite bow in one hand and a wooden-tipped arrow in the other. The memory unfolds, Damon chasing you like a regular human being. In fact, everything in this memory feels oddly normal. You stop running to catch your breath and end up facing Damon. He stares at you for a few moments and then kisses you slowly. You succumb to his intoxicating lips as he lifts you off the ground. The whole recollection feels like a scene from a movie.

When you regain consciousness, you find yourself in someone's bed. You feel blood trickling from your nose. Stefan arrives in the room seconds later with a tissue in his hand.

"You finally woke up, I thought you were going to die. Damon brought you and since he still doesn't know how to explain who you are to him, I had to let you here." Stefan speaks naturally and you wonder what these idiots are planning by making you stay at their house.

"It looks like we're going to have to adapt to each other because I'm not going to leave here without knowing what these memories are and what they mean." You say, adjusting yourself on the bed and noticing that you are handcuffed to the bed.

"Welcome to the Salvatore mansion, here until you are considered a non-threat, you will be stuck with something. Understood?" Stefan says while get some blood for you. He puts some in your mouth, and you feel slightly relieved. But it triggers a trigger in you and once again you have a vision. This time with Stefan, in this vision, he's carrying you on his back. You wake up from the vision feeling so confused and even a little nauseous.

"Who the hell were you to me before?" You say looking at Stefan who looks as confused as you. It looks like your stay with the Salvatores is going to be a complex journey.

[aglitchysylveon]

Yay now I gotta explain the one and definitely only, Sarkar'thor. Or just Sark (or Sarkar) for short (not NM version).

He's your typical edgy evil EXE OC, whose main goal is to enslave all of humanity and turn them into his perfect playthings to pull into his realm/dimension and toy with them for all eternity, he's an Eldritch entity, maybe even a God, as he claims to be.

He created Sari as a potential partner in his tyranny to be on his side because apparently this loser wanted a girlfriend. Which he promptly made sure she'd only obey him and only him (this shit already sounds cringey, I hate him, but also love writing him, getting bullied/j) if she ever disobeyed him he'd just reset her mind and make her obey him by force, control her thoughts and actions. Besides... "She's his creation", he made her look exactly like him with some differences like her height and her quil shape. After a few years she started to form some type of identity struggle asking if she's even her own person or if she's just a puppet for this monsters desires. Eventually like in Sari's post she did rebel against him after several trials and errors, and gained her own control over her body, becoming one of the very few "good" EXEs. All because of this hedgehog.

Sarkar is highly egotistical and narcissistic, sadistic, he doesn't take many things seriously since he's got all the time in the world thinking humanity is already in his grasp he's just buying himself some time, he loves seeing others fall beneath him and squirm, he does it all because it's entertainment to him and gives him a sense of power, so yeah he's rather emotionally, mentally and physically abusive. (Hate him, now) He doesn't like it when people disobey him, or when things don't go his way or get out of hand. He'll get irritated and even enraged, almost childish-like tantrums. But will quickly regain himself once he got ahold of the situation or thought of some "Evil Plan" to counter it and regain control. Though he may be childish, he's quite the clever sly fox and can manipulate someone's trust and use them to his advantage to further aid his ego and his goal, especially if they're human.. If he gets a human to trust him enough to play the game, he'll pull them through the screen and into his game so he can torment them.

His game, like any EXE is like a virus, one of those pop-up fake sonic games you see on those like websites? It's like that, it also can still be by disc, you'll just randomly have that disc show up on your doorstep in a box or already inside your house, it all depends if the human bait takes it and plays the game. Which the game plays like a normal sonic game long enough to keep your attention so when you're to focused on finishing the level, he can drag you inside and toy with you, everything in the game is made by him so the characters are all his doing, they're just husks waiting for a soul to inhabit them.

The reason he even took the shape of a.. Blue anthropomorphic hedgehog that runs fast is because when he was created via the Void, with his brother he and him thought it would be so funny to take the forms of the same character and toy with humans as a cruel sick joke between themselves, thinking it wouldn't really go that well but was so surprised on how easily they were able to trick humans into their trap and get souls.

Bonus:

- He's a lot like Lord X, in fact (in my series) they're brothers. X is based off classic Sonic's shape and form, while Sarkar is based off of modern Sonic. It's just X is more cold and calculated, but still likes goofing off like him (and teasing him, in fact that's one of his favorite gags he likes pulling off). While Sarkar is more cruel and sadistic, but very.. Very childish. Like he gets angry fast, and X finds that easy to toy with him to get his reaction, just as much as Sarkar toys with his prey to get their reactions.

- Sarkar has such a fascination towards like.. Himself he likes staring at himself in the mirror, like his ego is more inflated than the world's largest blimp, like he seriously created his girlfriend to be exactly like him and look like him but female so he can basically say "Hey, I fucked myself" so Sari's existence is nonchalantly a joke to him. I mean her name is just ONE letter away from his? "Sar-i-" and "Sar-k-". I'm so glad she got away from this controlling abusive loser and began a better life she deserves better.

- Sarkar's canon height is 5'1ft, so yeah Sari honestly could like crush him 💀, he still doesn't know why she was born so huge but he liked it and kept it.

- He's oddly British, like his accent is British, one of those rough aggressive sounding ones, I don't know how to describe it. He just has that.

- The day I created this sick bastard was November 7th, 2022 so this guy is a Scorpio, fitting.

[denimbex1986]

'PARADOX lies at the heart of Oppenheimer (Cert. 15). Christopher Nolan is fascinated by links or disparities between the material universe that science tries understanding and (to cite Pascal) the heart’s instinctive recognition of truth, goodness, and beauty. Nolan’s films Memento, Inception, and Tenet explore both the seeming randomness of existence and an underlying meaningfulness in creation.

The opening of Oppenheimer mentions Prometheus, damned for stealing fire from the gods. Cillian Murphy (Peaky Blinders) is J. Robert Oppenheimer, whose Manhattan Project leads to developing nuclear weapons. Biblical allusions abound. During his postgraduate spell at Christ’s College, Cambridge, he injects poison into an apple intended for his colleague, one who, in an Eden-like manner, had denied him access to certain knowledge. Later, he reads The Waste Land, T. S. Eliot’s epic lament over society’s brokenness. Oppenheimer is fuelled by the desire to end all wars by creating a monster that, unleashed, would deter all future conflict. The film rather underplays how fundamental Oppenheimer’s Jewishness is to this vision of swords being beaten into ploughshares.

Time is rarely linear in Nolan’s films. Much of this 180-minute film is taken up by scientific discussions and political wrangling. Some may find it incomprehensible, tedious even. We meet General Groves (Matt Damon), commander of the Project, torn between the demands of military objectives and scientific research. Also Lewis Strauss (Robert Downey, Jr.), the opportunistic commissioner of the US Atomic Energy Commission plotting to become a presidential cabinet member. Jean Tatlock (Florence Pugh), a member of the US Communist Party, introduces her lover to John Donne’s Holy Sonnets which, in turn, inspire Oppenheimer to assign the name Trinity to the nuclear-testing programme. He whispers “Batter my heart, three-personed God” during the explosion. Like Donne, Oppenheimer asks God to save him from his worst excesses. Quoting the Hindu philosophical dialogue Bhagavadgita, Oppenheimer says: “Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.”

Overwhelmed by the bombs’ devastating effects on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, he subsequently campaigns vigorously for placing nuclear materials under international control. This brings him into conflict with government. His youthful flirtations with communism are used by false witnesses to discredit him.

The film dwells extensively on notions of honest doubt and facile certainty; on leaders so convinced of their moral rightness that they can contemplate setting the world and its people on fire. Nolan uses theoretical physics to demonstrate the wondrous complexity of creation. Oppenheimer illustrates this by telling students that light has properties of particles and yet also waves. The seeming haphazardness emerging from quantum mechanics research troubles Einstein (Tom Conti under a mop of grey hair). We get his famous dictum (though not from him) that God doesn’t play dice with the universe. He acknowledges that, with the bomb, such old certainties have been destroyed.

Oppenheimer, appalled at his own godlike destructiveness strives to become Prometheus and also Noah. It is, however, an ark into which too few creatures are willing to enter. One paradox, absent from the film, is that 6 August, the Feast of the Transfiguration, is chosen for releasing the first atom bomb’s blinding light. All is changed utterly. A terrible beauty is born.'

[jayjaysoulconsumer42]

I posted 5,727 times in 2022

That's 5,727 more posts than 2021! (lmao)

172 posts created (3%)

5,555 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@firefox-official

@kirby-impostor

@pancake-syrup

@shortgremlinman

I tagged 796 of my posts in 2022

#iconic post - 48 posts

#super iconic post - 28 posts

#signal boost - 22 posts

#/j - 16 posts

#/nm - 12 posts

#psa - 10 posts

#i'm bored - 10 posts

#mega iconic post - 10 posts

#stuff pile - 9 posts

#i hate this - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 131 characters

#every time i see this cat gif i think of 'i was cursed to be a cat by a terrible witch and now im nothing but a kitty sized snitch'

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i throw harry potter products in the fireplace asmr (ft my hand and deranged voice)

[id: a short phone video. op's hand is shown, holding a small paper/cardboard harry potter character toy, laying on the paper packet it came in. behind op's hand is a open fireplace. op gets closer to the fireplace, then tosses the item in the fireplace. it immediately catches on fire, and burns for around 7 seconds before becoming a charred blob in the ashes. while the item is burning, op starts laughing rather manically. op then closes the fireplace door while saying 'perish, jk rowling fucking perish please.' the video then ends. end id]

if you can ID this better please do in a reblog cause i'm shit at ID 💀

9 notes - Posted July 26, 2022

#4

JUST FINSIHED BUTTERFLY SOUP 2 I AM SOBBING WITH HAPPINESS

11 notes - Posted October 30, 2022

#3

i think i drew this last night at like 1am and the file name is 'kirbie comits homoside.png'

im truly at my most artistic when im sleep deprived

12 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

#2

just drank way too much monster energy and thought i hallucinated markipliers existence and i got so fucking sad. like i was sitting on my bed weeping because i thought this man just never existed. then before i went to bed i searched markiplier on youtube and good god was i delighted that worlds 4th quietest let's play was real. never been so happy to hear mark i pliers say 'what the fuck is bagel race'

41 notes - Posted May 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

IMPORTANT PETITION!

IT HAS BEEN DISCOVERED THAT ALL DIAGNOSED AUTISTIC CLIENTS IN THE BELOW STATES ARE BEING PUT ON DATABASES. BELOW IS QUOTED FROM THE PETITION:

"The following states have registries and laws requiring that mental health professionals and physicians register autistic clients with the state:

Delaware Indiana New Hampshire New Jersey North Dakota Rhode Island Utah West Virginia

These registries are mandatory, and the various state laws allow for providers to be fined, disciplined, or even lose their license to practice if they fail to report autistic clients. This is an egregious human rights and ethical violation."

PLEASE SIGN THIS PETITION. THIS SORT OF STUFF IS UNACCEPTABLE.

124 notes - Posted September 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[galerymod]

the nameless

I am not afraid of the devil but only of the demons that live and sleep within us, after all, civilisation is in fact just a skin deep, as history has so often proven.

Mod

The dark always come with good intentions wears a white waistcoat and holds the flag of morality to the sky. It is never interested in the freedom of others but only in the freedom of itself. It is never the perpetrator but always the victim, it invokes equality and wants discord.

It is so pure that one cannot believe it can be true. It does not bear criticism because it knows what is best for all. It is rotten on the inside and virtue itself on the outside.

I fear the good that always wants the good and always creates the evil.

In every holy war, good has always been the perpetrator and the tool to create evil.

He who gives power to good must reckon with evil.

The devil spectator of the history of the absolute good. I was never the spirit that always denies and only wants good and then creates evil.

Blossoms are my conscience, but if I were not there, good could not do so much evil in the name of good.

I have so many names, but one thing I am not is evil. My favourite sin is vanity....the rest comes all by itself.

Abbadon:

The "Destroyer", also called the "Lord of the Abyss". In the Apocalypse of John he is the ruler of hell.

Asmodi:

The "Devastator", also called "Samael". Asmodi has sometimes been identified with the serpent in Paradise. In the apocryphal Book of Tobias, "Asmodi" is described as an evil spirit. He developed into a devil only later.

Astarot:

The powerful prince of hell Astarot is descended by name from the Phoenician-Canaanite goddess of love and fertility Astarte. Since carnal love was considered devilish, but a female deity was not allowed to occupy a leading position in the hierarchy of devils, the goddess Astarte transformed herself into the demon Astarot.

Baphomet:

The name Baphomet derives from a figure who is said to have been a leading head in the Order of the Templars and was called a devil on the part of the Pope. Eliphas Lévi (1810-1875), a Tarot expert and influential man in the history of the Tarot, painted this figure in his time. The depiction is strongly reminiscent of everything commonly associated with the devil - which is why since then the term Baphomet may well be used as a synonym for the diabolical.

Behemoth:

The "beast" reported in the Book of Job. There he appears as a dull power monster bursting with potency.

Belial:

"The Evil One" finds mention in Paul's second letter to the Corinthians. He is derived from the tribal god Baal, son of Astarte, who comes from the ancient cult around the great goddess, and was then contrasted with the Jewish "light god" Yahweh. (Incidentally, this juxtaposition is also found on the card "High Priestess" in the Rider-Waite Tarot: it may be assumed that the letter "J" on the right, light column stands for "Yahweh", and the letter "B" of the left, dark column for "Baal". However, this has not been proven, and there are also other interpretations of the letters).

Beelzebub:

This devil is often mentioned in the Bible. Jesus was accused of casting out Satan with Beelzebub. The word is derived from the Semitic language root "zbl", which means dung or manure heap. Beelzebub therefore means "god of dung". His appearance later became more similar to that of Satan in depictions.

Diabolus:

Diabolus is the Latin name for the devil and translated means, among other things, "slanderer" (Duden Fremdwörterbuch).

Lucifer:

Lucifer is the best-known devil's name next to "Satan", comes from Latin and literally means "light bearer". This meaning most clearly resonates with the positive meanings of the fallen angel.

Leviathan:

This devil has often been described as a serpent, crocodile or sea monster. In the Book of Job he appears alongside the monster Behemoth.

Mephisto:

"enemy of the light". Mephisto is a new name of literary origin used by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, among others, for his drama Faust.

Satan:

The classical name for the devil is Satan. Sometimes Satan is described as the prince of the armies of hell, sometimes as a devil fighting alone. "Satan" comes from the Hebrew and means adversary, accuser, tempter, opponent, enemy.

Numerous other terms exist in the vernacular: Gottseibeiuns, Sparifankerl, Junker Hinkefuß, Leibhaftiger, Teixel, Großnickel, Kehrwisch.

The ancient Greek mountain and forest demon "Pan" (Roman 'equivalent': god "Faunus"), who was considered a nature god and protector of small cattle, shepherds and hunters, is also often associated with the devil. Pan had such a terrible appearance that his mother abandoned him. He was depicted as a bearded man with shaggy hair on his head, goat feet and horns. Pan helped the Athenians in their fight against the Persians. He caused panic and terror among the attackers and thus put them to flight. The word "panic" is derived from this root. A second lineage has Pan appearing as a horned god and male pole in pagan witch cults, where he stands for fertility, passion, lust for life and earthiness. Pan was declared the devil by the early church fathers, and that is why even today the Horned God is "lumped together" with the Christian devil.

All these names were given to me by men, but never once in the history of mankind was death and destruction brought under my banner. Therefore I ask you, the nameless one, do you bear responsibility as a human being to bring good into the world and to avoid evil? Avoid the perversion of good and do not call us evil who follow nature free from false morals.

the nameless

Jean Paul Gaultier SS01 "Satan" Print Tote Bag

[gallusrostromegalus]

Considering the length of TPOFATGIF already I think it would be more sustainable to do it in multiple volumes, just for the sake of book spine integrity.

This is Regarding:

The fact that some people print out and bookbind thier favorite fanfictions to have on thier shelves.

The fact that I have to finish The Power Of Friendship (And This Gun I Found!) to see the absolute cinderblock of a book it creates.

Look.

I don't post it much because I got hit by a car in 2016 and have been in PT for my wrist since, but my degree is in Scientific Illustration, the fucking theoretical physics of art. I had already taken bookbinding classes and learned how to make pop-ups even before I started writing this fic. I was also assistant props and costumes creator to a Comedy Sketch Theater Troupe for like 15 years. I helped make a Godzilla costume that had a dysfunctional penis for a sketch about 'Reptile Dysfunction'. For my DAD to wear.

I know neither limits nor shame, and there is no degree of outlandish specificity and deranged artistry to which I will not stoop.

I am working on Chapter 10 of probably 50-70ish, and I've already blown past the 250K mark. If I keep near my current chapter size, and have the last few chapters be absolute monsters (Because that's what happens in any long story) I may well end up with a final word count over a million. I have maps and portraits and OVA comics in my drafts folder. I have chapter title cards and spot illustrations. I have short (10-20K) companion ficlets.

Les Miserables, a notable brick, has a word count of 545,925 words, and according to Amazon, the physical copy measures a door-stopping 6x9x2 inches and weighs 3.01 lbs. At Minimum, the print copy of TPOFATGIF is going to be 1.8 times as big.

But I do not DO 'minimum'.

When- and By God, I mean WHEN and not IF- I make the print copy of this fic, it will be a huking monstrosity of papercraft projects, appearing at first as some sort of Quantum Cube, perhaps, only for it to unfold like the malignant offspring of the unholy union between the ever-expanding toolbox the repair man has in Toy Story 2 and the print copy of House Of Leaves into the kind of heavily-illustrated, cartographed, dimensionally printed crime against Library Sciences that will exhume the Ghost of J. R. R. Tolkien and make hold office hours.

I am beautiful and unstoppable, like cattle stampeding through the vatican.

[neil-gaiman]

How Did you come up with the first eve in the story about adams wives? I haven’t been able to find anything about her after I read it and I want to know if she’s an actual biblical character or just someone you made

She's from the Midrash. I learned about her as a 12 year old, from my barmitzvah teacher. There was a point in there, long after I'd put her into Sandman, where I was starting to think I'd imagined her, when I ran across her in Robert Graves's Hebrew Myths....

Excerpt from: The Hebrew Myths by Robert Graves and Raphael Patai (New York:  Doubleday, 1964), pp 65-69

Chapter 10: Adam's Helpmeets

(a) Having decided to give Adam a helpmeet lest he should be alone of his kind, God put him into a deep sleep, removed one of his ribs, formed it into a woman, and closed up the wound, Adam awoke and said: 'This being shall be named "Woman", because she has been taken out of man. A man and a woman shall be one flesh.' The title he gave her was Eve, 'the Mother of All Living''. [1]

(b) Some say that God created man and woman in His own image on the Sixth Day, giving them charge over the world; [2]  but that Eve did not yet exist. Now, God had set Adam to name every beast, bird and other living thing. When they passed before him in pairs, male and female, Adam-being already like a twenty-year-old man-felt jealous of their loves, and though he tried coupling with each female in turn, found no satisfaction in the act. He therefore cried: 'Every creature but I has a proper mate', and prayed God would remedy this injustice. [3]

(c) God then formed Lilith, the first woman, just as He had formed Adam, except that He used filth and sediment instead of pure dust. From Adam's union with this demoness, and with another like her named Naamah, Tubal Cain's sister, sprang Asmodeus and innumerable demons that still plague mankind. Many generations later, Lilith and Naamah came to Solomon's judgement seat, disguised as harlots of Jerusalem'. [4]

(d) Adam and Lilith never found peace together; for when he wished to lie with her, she took offence at the recumbent posture he demanded. 'Why must I lie beneath you?' she asked. 'I also was made from dust, and am therefore your equal.' Because Adam tried to compel her obedience by force, Lilith, in a rage, uttered the magic name of God, rose into the air and left him.

Adam complained to God: 'I have been deserted by my helpmeet' God at once sent the angels Senoy, Sansenoy and Semangelof to fetch Lilith back. They found her beside the Red Sea, a region abounding in lascivious demons, to whom she bore lilim at the rate of more than one hundred a day. 'Return to Adam without delay,' the angels said, `or we will drown you!' Lilith asked: `How can I return to Adam and live like an honest housewife, after my stay beside the Red Sea?? 'It will be death to refuse!' they answered. `How can I die,' Lilith asked again, `when God has ordered me to take charge of all newborn children: boys up to the eighth day of life, that of circumcision; girls up to the twentieth day. None the less, if ever I see your three names or likenesses displayed in an amulet above a newborn child, I promise to spare it.' To this they agreed; but God punished Lilith by making one hundred of her demon children perish daily; [5] and if she could not destroy a human infant, because of the angelic amulet, she would spitefully turn against her own. [6]

(e) Some say that Lilith ruled as queen in Zmargad, and again in Sheba; and was the demoness who destroyed job's sons. [7] Yet she escaped the curse of death which overtook Adam, since they had parted long before the Fall. Lilith and Naamah not only strangle infants but also seduce dreaming men, any one of whom, sleeping alone, may become their victim. [8]

(f) Undismayed by His failure to give Adam a suitable helpmeet, God tried again, and let him watch while he built up a woman's anatomy: using bones, tissues, muscles, blood and glandular secretions, then covering the whole with skin and adding tufts of hair in places. The sight caused Adam such disgust that even when this woman, the First Eve, stood there in her full beauty, he felt an invincible repugnance. God knew that He had failed once more, and took the First Eve away. Where she went, nobody knows for certain. [9]

(g) God tried a third time, and acted more circumspectly. Having taken a rib from Adam's side in his sleep, He formed it into a woman; then plaited her hair and adorned her, like a bride, with twenty-four pieces of jewellery, before waking him. Adam was entranced. [10]

(h) Some say that God created Eve not from Adam's rib, but from a tail ending in a sting which had been part of his body. God cut this off, and the stump-now a useless coccyx-is still carried by Adam's descendants. [11]

(i) Others say that God's original thought had been to create two human beings, male and female; but instead He designed a single one with a male face looking forward, and a female face looking back. Again He changed His mind, removed Adam's backward-looking face, and built a woman's body for it. [12]

(j) Still others hold that Adam was originally created as an androgyne of male and female bodies joined back to back. Since this posture made locomotion difficult, and conversation awkward, God divided the androgyne and gave each half a new rear. These separate beings He placed in Eden, forbidding them to couple. [13]

Notes on sources:

1. Genesis II. 18-25; III. 20.

2. Genesis I. 26-28.

3. Gen. Rab. 17.4; B. Yebamot 632.

4. Yalqut Reubeni ad. Gen. II. 21; IV. 8.

5. Alpha Beta diBen Sira, 47; Gaster, MGWJ, 29 (1880), 553 ff.

6. Num. Rab. 16.25.

7. Targum ad job 1. 15.

8. B. Shabbat 151b; Ginzberg, LJ, V. 147-48.

9. Gen. Rab. 158, 163-64; Mid. Abkir 133, 135; Abot diR. Nathan 24; B. Sanhedrin 39a.

10. Gen. II. 21-22; Gen. Rab. 161.

11. Gen. Rab. 134; B. Erubin 18a.

12. B. Erubin 18a.

13. Gen. Rab. 55; Lev. Rab. 14.1: Abot diR. Nathan 1.8; B. Berakhot 61a; B. Erubin 18a; Tanhuma Tazri'a 1; Yalchut Gen. 20; Tanh. Buber iii.33; Mid. Tehillim 139, 529.

Authors’ Comments on the Myth:

1. The tradition that man's first sexual intercourse was with animals, not women, may be due to the widely spread practice of bestiality among herdsmen of the Middle East, which is still condoned by custom, although figuring three times in the Pentateuch as a capital crime. In the Akkadian Gilgamesh Epic, Enkidu is said to have lived with gazelles and jostled other wild beasts at the watering place, until civilized by Aruru's priestess. Having enjoyed her embraces for six days and seven nights, he wished to rejoin the wild beasts but, to his surprise, they fled from him. Enkidu then knew that he had gained understanding, and the priestess said: 'Thou art wise, Enkidu, like unto a godl'

2. Primeval man was held by the Babylonians to have been androgynous. Thus the Gilgamesh Epic gives Enkidu androgynous features: `the hair of his head like a woman's, with locks that sprout like those of Nisaba, the Grain-goddess.' The Hebrew tradition evidently derives from Greek sources, because both terms used in a Tannaitic midrash to describe the bisexual Adam are Greek: androgynos, 'man-woman', and diprosopon, 'twofaced'. Philo of Alexandria, the Hellenistic philosopher and commentator on the Bible, contemporary with Jesus, held that man was at first bisexual; so did the Gnostics. This belief is clearly borrowed from Plato. Yet the myth of two bodies placed back to back may well have been founded on observation of Siamese twins, which are sometimes joined in this awkward manner. The two-faced Adam appears to be a fancy derived from coins or statues of Janus, the Roman New Year god.

3. Divergences between the Creation myths of Genesis r and n, which allow Lilith to be presumed as Adam's first mate, result from a careless weaving together of an early Judaean and a late priestly tradition. The older version contains the rib incident. Lilith typifies the Anath-worshipping Canaanite women, who were permitted pre-nuptial promiscuity. Time after time the prophets denounced Israelite women for following Canaanite practices; at first, apparently, with the priests' approval-since their habit of dedicating to God the fees thus earned is expressly forbidden in Deuteronomy xxIII. I8. Lilith's flight to the Red Sea recalls the ancient Hebrew view that water attracts demons. 'Tortured and rebellious demons' also found safe harbourage in Egypt. Thus Asmodeus, who had strangled Sarah's first six husbands, fled 'to the uttermost parts of Egypt' (Tobit viii. 3), when Tobias burned the heart and liver of a fish on their wedding night.

4. Lilith's bargain with the angels has its ritual counterpart in an apotropaic rite once performed in many Jewish communities. To protect the newborn child against Lilith-and especially a male, until he could be permanently safeguarded by circumcision-a ring was drawn with natron, or charcoal, on the wall of the birthroom, and inside it were written the words: 'Adam and Eve. Out, Lilith!' Also the names Senoy, Sansenoy and Semangelof (meanings uncertain) were inscribed on the door. If Lilith nevertheless succeeded in approaching the child and fondling him, he would laugh in his sleep. To avert danger, it was held wise to strike the sleeping child's lips with one finger-whereupon Lilith would vanish.

5. 'Lilith' is usually derived from the Babylonian-Assyrian word lilitu, ,a female demon, or wind-spirit'-one of a triad mentioned in Babylonian spells. But she appears earlier as 'Lillake' on a 2000 B.G. Sumerian tablet from Ur containing the tale of Gilgamesh and the Willow Tree. There she is a demoness dwelling in the trunk of a willow-tree tended by the Goddess Inanna (Anath) on the banks of the Euphrates. Popular Hebrew etymology seems to have derived 'Lilith' from layil, 'night'; and she therefore often appears as a hairy night-monster, as she also does in Arabian folklore. Solomon suspected the Queen of Sheba of being Lilith, because she had hairy legs. His judgement on the two harlots is recorded in I Kings III. 16 ff. According to Isaiah xxxiv. I4-I5, Lilith dwells among the desolate ruins in the Edomite Desert where satyrs (se'ir), reems, pelicans, owls, jackals, ostriches, arrow-snakes and kites keep her company.

6. Lilith's children are called lilim. In the Targum Yerushalmi, the priestly blessing of Numbers vi. 26 becomes: 'The Lord bless thee in all thy doings, and preserve thee from the Lilim!' The fourth-century A.D. commentator Hieronymus identified Lilith with the Greek Lamia, a Libyan queen deserted by Zeus, whom his wife Hera robbed of her children. She took revenge by robbing other women of theirs.

7. The Lamiae, who seduced sleeping men, sucked their blood and ate their flesh, as Lilith and her fellow-demonesses did, were also known as Empusae, 'forcers-in'; or Mormolyceia, 'frightening wolves'; and described as 'Children of Hecate'. A Hellenistic relief shows a naked Lamia straddling a traveller asleep on his back. It is characteristic of civilizations where women are treated as chattels that they must adopt the recumbent posture during intercourse, which Lilith refused. That Greek witches who worshipped Hecate favoured the superior posture, we know from Apuleius; and it occurs in early Sumerian representations of the sexual act, though not in the Hittite. Malinowski writes that Melanesian girls ridicule what they call `the missionary position', which demands that they should lie passive and recumbent.

8. Naamah, 'pleasant', is explained as meaning that 'the demoness sang pleasant songs to idols'. Zmargad suggest smaragdos, the semi-precious aquamarine; and may therefore be her submarine dwelling. A demon named Smaragos occurs in the Homeric Epigrams.

9. Eve's creation by God from Adam's rib-a myth establishing male supremacy and disguising Eve's divinity-lacks parallels in Mediterranean or early Middle-Eastern myth. The story perhaps derives iconotropically from an ancient relief, or painting, which showed the naked Goddess Anath poised in the air, watching her lover Mot murder his twin Aliyan; Mot (mistaken by the mythographer for Yahweh) was driving a curved dagger under Aliyan's fifth rib, not removing a sixth one. The familiar story is helped by a hidden pun on tsela, the Hebrew for 'rib': Eve, though designed to be Adam's helpmeet, proved to be a tsela, a 'stumbling', or 'misfortune'. Eve's formation from Adam's tail is an even more damaging myth; perhaps suggested by the birth of a child with a vestigial tail instead of a coccyx-a not infrequent occurrence.

10. The story of Lilith's escape to the East and of Adam's subsequent marriage to Eve may, however, record an early historical incident: nomad herdsmen, admitted into Lilith's Canaanite queendom as guests (see 16. 1), suddenly seize power and, when the royal household thereupon flees, occupy a second queendom which owes allegiance to the Hittite Goddess Heba.

The meaning of 'Eve' is disputed. Hawwah is explained in Genesis III. 20 as 'mother of all living'; but this may well be a Hebraicized form of the divine name Heba, Hebat, Khebat or Khiba. This goddess, wife of the Hittite Storm-god, is shown riding a lion in a rock-sculpture at Hattusaswhich equates her with Anath-and appears as a form of Ishtar in Hurrian texts. She was worshipped at Jerusalem (see 27. 6). Her Greek name was Hebe, Heracles's goddess-wife.

[neptuniadoesstuff]

My part lol

(may or not be very long so yeh this is why it's here) vvv

Noir:

QnA

She doesn't really know. She's more neutral tbh.

Not really. She doenst even know the geographic of Tamrial itself other than that of the Isles. Which is not apart of Tamrielbut then again I'm not sure if geographics are even taught.

Her DemiPlane is pretty similar to the Mortal realm, but with some hints of random stuff not seen in the Mortal realm. One of them being strange pastel crystals which is actually syrup coming from strange white trees. It's main region is the square (aka the village/city She created from her mind) but there are other regions but she... doesn't really talk about them at all. (Unless it one of those regions where she keeps a certain Dunmer in)

HCs

This may or may not be true- I however didn't really do much with her lore so-

She doenst even want to touch em or be near them. So she just let's Mirage (her 2nd dad thing aka Caretaker) do the work. Minus the fact he uh.... is a menace doing so-

Y e s . J u s t y e s . (Well she does still blink just not when she's staring at someone who just committed to worse crime to her eyes)

Dr. Jeremiah Cyberthorne:

QnA

He focuses on mathematics, machines/tech, & biology

Not really, Especially during the war he became pretty paranoid that he & the ppl he's close to will die. (This paranoia has lasted since his great grandmother died from a freak lab accident)

No one knows why he was chosen. Although some speculate that his family have a very close bond with the Royal family for generations.

HCs

Y e s (but isn't a hoarder bcs he has 2 D R A G O N E T S A T M )

Prob

I can't deny or agree with this... but let's just say... he may or may not does-

Isma:

QnA

When she & him were still well... Humans, they met at a Cafe. That's really it tbh. (Bcs Isma can't really remember when or how since it's been quite a long time she's been ded)

She has, but decides not to, bcs Malice WILL KNOW! (Speaking of Malice, ill get to him soon)

Isma comes from a Arabic/Egyptian background. (Yes she can speak Arabic) So she thought it be a nice name to name the child since 1) it's a Arabic name, & 2) she thought it was pretty

HCs

Actually she does have a rattle, although she can make the rattle go silent bcs she can

I really dunno how to answer this tbh. (I can't think rn)

Hmmmm maybe

E.N.A:

QnA

She has many times. But primarily for mission bcs her creator, Dr. B, is paranoid that she'll suffer the same fate as his duaghter, Ina.

They became fused with the fragments of Ouroboros, which turned them into monsters. (Also bcs She wanted to have some control in her life w/o being considered "a robot" by the others)

Shes mostly human (bcs her brain is still intact minus the fact the lower half of her human body was turned into mushed meat). But she does have a inhumane ability which is to basically copy whatever fragment that is from a primal god & turn it into a weapon mortals can use.

HCs

This is all true. However the scientists do wear anti-shock suits when near the "AIs".

She can still somewhat feel it, but only fragments of it. (Which makes her embarrassed on why she's so different from the others)

This is all true. While yeh still has her past memories, they're pretty blurry in the sense of... Well... She's frikin unded, & was sorta ded for awhile before being turned into the AI we know today.

NOW ITS MY TURN TO ASK THE QEUSTIONS!

Peter:

QnA

Has he told Isma that he's trans?

How does he feel about being a messenger for Harmona?

Has there a instance of someone looking at him like they would want to make a meal out of him bcs well... Bird

HCs

Possibly very scared of reptiles unless it's his wife.

Very much sorta paranoid that he forcibly shelters his kids but doesn't realize it at all.

May or may sleep during the day, but mainly due to stress in the time he should actually be sleeping.

King Malice:

QnA

What is his opinion on common/normal foods that isn't the stuff he would eet/drink all of the time?

Has he EVER murked someone over a small insult that was made to him?

Has he ever been a relationship with anyone during his reign as the God of Beauty & Violence?

(Extra) How does he feel about being called "Adder" (aka his original/mortal name) by Harmona?

HCs

May or may not dabbled in cannibalism before.

Despises Vallah bcs he think he's better than her EVEN THOUGH she can spite him in a instant.

Has a "Sober" form where he basically is tired 24/7 & his jelly reverts to a normal grape flavor & his hair becomes a blonde. Also is a pale white color with eyebags. (Only will happen when he isn't allowed wine for a certain amount of time)

Gynaephora:

QnA

How did she feel about her father dying?

Has there been other dragons she met in RoR?

Does she wish to go back how things originally were before being the queen later in life?

HCs

Likes making snowmen for funsies

May or may not wear a cute lookin hoodie.

Over all a complete gremlin who may or may not be seen "annoying" by others

Mr. Casanova (FNV Alt):

QnA

So like... how in the world di he become a White Glove? & if there's a reason why, then why?

Does he enjoy eeting other humans? Is it bcs of the taste or smtn else?

How did he form his group/gang?

HCs

Possibly knows about Sanchi's lil crush on him but doenst talk about it bcs why not

He likes to name his weapons after types of flowers, but primarily roses.

Will often have his hair down when under complete stress or very depressed. (Also I think he may or may not tie his hair in different ways just bcs)

Q & HC Swap W/ @neptuniadoesstuff

Noir:

Questions

What are her opinions on each of her (close) relatives?

Has she been to many of the provinces? If so, what are her thoughts on the ones she’s been too?

What is her demiplane like- or, even, what are its regions like if there’s variety

Headcanons

Her magic grows unstable during extreme emotions- more and more so, to the point that if she ever has panic attacks er watch out- random objects will be summoned and flying around everywhere- or spikey ice shield or smth

Hates spiders- buut is a bit overkill when it comes to small ones, and will cast full on fireball on a daddy long leg

Literally doesn’t blink unless using it in a ‘what the heck’ sort of way

Cyberthorne:

Questions

What field(s) of science does he primarily focus on?

Does he leave the city he’s in often?

How / why was he chosen specifically by the queen?

Headcanons

Loves plasma lamps- probably owns like a dozen (could stare at them for hours)

Uses really long words- not to sound fancy he just likes them- then gets confused why nobody understands what he’s saying

… May lick salt lamps, tho he wont confirm nor deny this

Isma:

Questions

How exactly did her and peter meet? (Since methinks we only planned Diamondback and petrus’ meeting?)

Has she ever considered running away from Malice with Peter so they can finally be together without their respective gods breathing down their necks?

How did she choose her daughter’s name?

Headcanons

Despite not having a rattle, when she’s angry somehow shaking her tail produces a rattling sound (funky spirit stuff)

Can easily scale walls with her claws- and her footsteps are completely silent

Pupils grow bigger or smaller depending on lighting and focus like a cat

E.N.A:

Questions

Has she ever left the lab? Was she allowed to- or was this completely against the rules?

Why did she eventually decide to take down those who made her?

Is she more human(?) or robot? Does she have any inhuman abilities due to her cyborg parts?

Headcanons

Really prone to giving people static shock- and also despite eating, can technically survive off sunlight or electricity.

Genuinely struggles feeling texture- kinda jealous that some people can pet fluffy animals and actually really feel the… softness?

Randomly gets flashes of her past life in dreams and nightmares- and considers them well, just that… except oddly vivid with a side of deja vu

[over-under-through1]

greens headcannons greens headcannons greens headcannons greens headcannon-

Anon, thank you you’ve finally given me an excuse to make this post

HERE WE GO

Butch is BC’s bitch. there, i said it. this boy is BEYOND whipped

BC is so protective of Butch and if anyone (this includes his brothers, yes BC has told Brick off for being too much of a dick to Butch) fuck with him she’ll mess them up

Butch steals things from Buttercups bag in class until she notices cause he wants her attention likes to annoy her

before they get together Butch gets weirdly jealous when BC calls either of his brothers hot, but he doesn’t understand why (yes he does he’s just too much of a coward to admit he likes her)

Butch can rap, Buttercup dies whenever she hears it but tries to contain herself

BC is more dominate in the relationship than Butch

Buttercup once convinced Butch she could speak Italian by speaking pig latin around him and she got all of their friends and family in on the joke so now Butch just thinks she knows Italian

Butch’s nicknames for BC are Butters, Cuppy, Fire cracker, Tic tac, and Freddy Krueger. there is a story behind every single one of those names that i may share one day

Buttercup’s nicknames for Butch are Dumbass, Jack ass, Butchy Boy, Alien head, Asswipe, Spike, and Bitch. Butch will respond with no hesitation to any of the above, but if anyone else calls him those he will *intense Butch glare* at them until they feel threatened and/or uncomfortable

in my AU the Powerpuff Girls (and Rowdyruff Boys because they joined their team, thanks) have like... a fan base. i mean, how could they not? they’re famous monster fighters. so, said fan base makes art of them. and a token shirt BC wears in most of this art is the “Nut daddy” shirt. she got so much fan art of this that Butch ended up commissioning Bubbles into making it into a real shirt and gave it to Buttercup as a gag gift. she loved it. like a lot.

this fan base also makes fan fictions because once again, they’re famous so like... it’s a given. Butch indulges in reader x Buttercup fics and refreshes the Buttercup Utonium/Butch tag on AO3 at least 4 times a day

Buttercup sits on Butches lap

they’re super straight forward with their feelings, resulting in barley any fights, but when they do fight they give each other space for the day and meet up at the end to apologize. 9 times out of 10 they’ve cooled down and forgiven each other

their dates are just sitting on the couch or Buttercup’s bed watching B rated horror films, or sparring sessions

when they get together they never actually say it out loud or tell anyone, they just let people figure it out for themselves (it’s not that it’s a secret, they just don’t care about what others think of it enough to actually make an announcement). this creates a townsville betting pool surrounding the status of their relationship

the only people who know for sure are their siblings, Mitch, Mike, Robin, and Pablo but they keep their mouths shut because A.its super funny watching all of townsville freak out and B.they know it’s not their place to tell

Butch is very clingy and likes to be touching BC at all times in any way, even if it’s small. most of the time it’s subtle but if you look very carefully you can spot Butches finger sneaking its way into the sleeve of Buttercup’s hoodie

Butch and Buttercup know each other so well that they can basically read each other’s minds. yup. i’ll die on this hill, you can rip this headcannon from my cold lifeless hands

okay fine i’ll expand on it. they can’t literally read each other’s minds, they can just read each other’s facial expressions really well. Buttercup’s eyebrow raises slightly? she’s intrigued by what someone said/did. Butch’s lip twitched? he’s pissed off, time to cool down the irritable green rowdy. and so on and so fourth

i’ve said this a lot to basically everyone i know so i’ll say it again here: when they first say “I love you” they literally don’t even notice. it’s on the way out of the apartment they share as they’re about to go to class and one of them, halfway out the door, says “okay bye love you” and the other just replies “love you too see ya”. they don’t realize they said it until 3 hours later in the middle of (separate) class(es), where their heads bolt up then they just go “oh my god i- huh. okay. cool. well anyways back to school”

CHILDREN HAHAHAHA THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE HEADCANNONS

Butch and Buttercup avoid the whole “b name” thing like the plauge. they purposely don’t name any of their kids (they have three if you’re wondering) b names. but in the process of avoiding it, they get so distracted with what NOT to name their kids that they don’t even notice when they accidentally give them all J names. Bubbles and Boomer point it out while Butch and Buttercup are in the middle of making fun of them for naming their own kids all B names. this causes Butch and Buttercup to freeze then blow up, threatening to go to city hall and change their kids names

they’re the type of parents to curse around their children and Bubbles hates it

she’s outraged when their first born’s first word is shit. Buttercup and Butch just scream-laugh while the reds are in the back quietly chuckling as Boomer tries to calm down his seething wife

this was fun! thanks for the ask, maybe i’ll do the reds and blues in the future (also sorry if some of these seem off, it’s 2am over here and i’m tired)

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp This is...Books. Lots and Lots of Books

That gif is something of a lie. Some of these books were not great. But! Some of them were very good! And some of them were marketed weird — seriously, what does qualify as YA — and some of them I read in, like, six hours and some of them I raged about for six hours after I finished them.

Or: 2020!Laura reverted to 2004!Laura and read just a lot of books and then her husband got her a Kindle and she read even more books and has thoughts on most of those books that she is now going to share with the internet while also making absurd category names. Note that these are only books I read for the first time this year. So, the list is missing some of the stuff I used as coping devices. ALSO SOME SPOILERS AHEAD, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

FAVORITE BOOKS THAT MADE A SHITTY YEAR SLIGHTLY BETTER AND ALSO LIKELY MADE ME SWOON A BIT

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

When nineteen-year-old huntress Feyre kills a wolf in the woods, a terrifying creature arrives to demand retribution. Dragged to a treacherous magical land she knows about only from legends, Feyre discovers that her captor is not truly a beast, but one of the lethal, immortal faeries who once ruled her world.

At least, he's not a beast all the time.

As she adapts to her new home, her feelings for the faerie, Tamlin, transform from icy hostility into a fiery passion that burns through every lie she's been told about the beautiful, dangerous world of the Fae. But something is not right in the faerie lands. An ancient, wicked shadow is growing, and Feyre must find a way to stop it, or doom Tamlin-and his world-forever.

— I kid you not, I had to do a lap around the apartment after reading the second book in this series. Why didn’t I read this before? Why isn’t there more fic? Why I am constantly falling for dark-haired sad dudes in love with their wives??? I cannot rec this series enough. It’s got world building and found families, and that dark-haired sad dude, and magic and lore and banter, and it’s so good and I don’t understand why it was marketed as YA. The literary world is weird, guys.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians (and the Heroes of Olympus) by Rick Riordan

Accompany the son of the sea god Poseidon and his other demigod friends as they go on a series of quests that will have them facing monsters, gods, and conniving figures from Greek mythology. Do they have what it takes to save the Olympians from an ancient enemy?

— Straight up, how did you guys cope with Percy and Annabeth when you were kids reading this? I would have been OBSESSED. Quarantine felt like the perfect time to finally read all of these books, and I know it’s sacrilegious to like Heroes of Olympus, but I might have liked parts of that series more? Just because it felt like they were older and I was super into Percabeth being properly in love. Also, now I get why everyone was so upset about the movies. Fair.

The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer

Humans and androids crowd the raucous streets of New Beijing. A deadly plague ravages the population. From space, a ruthless lunar people watch, waiting to make their move. No one knows that Earth's fate hinges on one girl. . . .Cinder, a gifted mechanic, is a cyborg. She's a second-class citizen with a mysterious past, reviled by her stepmother and blamed for her stepsister's illness. But when her life becomes intertwined with the handsome Prince Kai's, she suddenly finds herself at the center of an intergalactic struggle, and a forbidden attraction. Caught between duty and freedom, loyalty and betrayal, she must uncover secrets about her past in order to protect her world's future.

— Yet another YA series that I will admit to loving this year. Started off a little slow, but once the world building really got underway —and it gets underway — I was hooked. If I had read this at an age-appropriate time I would have been super in love Captain Carswell Thorne. I was still kind of in love with Captan Carswell Thorne. So it should come as no surprise that Cress was my favorite of the series, but I enjoyed the whole thing, really.

Serpent & Dove by Shelby Mahurin

Two years ago, Louise le Blanc fled her coven and took shelter in the city of Cesarine, forsaking all magic and living off whatever she could steal. There, witches like Lou are hunted. They are feared. And they are burned.As a huntsman of the Church, Reid Diggory has lived his life by one principle: Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. But when Lou pulls a wicked stunt, the two are forced into an impossible situation—marriage.Lou, unable to ignore her growing feelings, yet powerless to change what she is, must make a choice. And love makes fools of us all.

— YO. Y O. THIS WAS SO GOOD. World building! Magic! Marriage of convenience! Well-written enemies to lovers! As soon as I finished this, I bought the sequel. And then got upset the third book in the series isn’t out yet! That’s a frustrating theme for me this year.

The Roommate by Rosie Danan

The Wheatons are infamous among the east coast elite for their lack of impulse control, except for their daughter Clara. She's the consummate socialite: over-achieving, well-mannered, predictable. But every Wheaton has their weakness. When Clara's childhood crush invites her to move cross-country, the offer is too much to resist. Unfortunately, it's also too good to be true.

After a bait-and-switch, Clara finds herself sharing a lease with a charming stranger. Josh might be a bit too perceptive—not to mention handsome—for comfort, but there's a good chance he and Clara could have survived sharing a summer sublet if she hadn't looked him up on the Internet...

Once she learns how Josh has made a name for himself, Clara realizes living with him might make her the Wheaton's most scandalous story yet. His professional prowess inspires her to take tackling the stigma against female desire into her own hands. They may not agree on much, but Josh and Clara both believe women deserve better sex. What they decide to do about it will change both of their lives, and if they're lucky, they'll help everyone else get lucky too.

— I LOVED IT. L O V E D. As I told Justin “there was more porn than I was expecting,” in that porn and the adult film industry was a legitimate plot point and not just a part of Josh’s character, but it was incredibly well written and interesting and I cared about the plot. Sometimes I also wanted to shake Clara, but that was kind of the point.

The Marriage Game by Sara Desai

After her life falls apart, recruitment consultant Layla Patel returns home to her family in San Francisco. But in the eyes of her father, who runs a Michelin starred restaurant, she can do no wrong. He would do anything to see her smile again. With the best intentions in mind, he offers her the office upstairs to start her new business and creates a profile on an online dating site to find her a man. She doesn't know he's arranged a series of blind dates until the first one comes knocking on her door...

As CEO of a corporate downsizing company Sam Mehta is more used to conflict than calm. In search of a quiet new office, he finds the perfect space above a cozy Indian restaurant that smells like home. But when communication goes awry, he's forced to share his space with the owner's beautiful yet infuriating daughter Layla, her crazy family, and a parade of hopeful suitors, all of whom threaten to disrupt his carefully ordered life.

As they face off in close quarters, the sarcasm and sparks fly. But when the battle for the office becomes a battle of the heart, Sam and Layla have to decide if this is love or just a game.

— More well-written enemies to lovers! It’s possible! Seriously, the banter was so good. The kissing was even better. Ridiculous and interfering family is one of my favorite things, and this had it in SPADES. It also made me want to eat samosas, which is kind of my base setting, but I really wanted Indian food whenever I was reading this. Also, the end scene was so goddamn cute I cannot believe it actually happened.

Recipe for Persuasion by Sonali Dev

— The one that got away is one of my favorite tropes, and this modern version of Persuasion did it so well. Everyone was annoying, but in an almost understandable way that made me ache and I just wanted them TO KISS. And then they did kiss! And it was so good! Plus, at the risk of being a little self-indulgent, it was kind of Out of the Frying Pan esque and I liked that a lot. If there is a downside: it’s how quickly the relationship starts up again, like zero to 60 in two seconds flat, and that there were a lot of POVs. Which wouldn’t have been an issue if they’d been labeled, or weren’t bouncing around the timeline randomly. Sometimes I’d have to be like—wait, who’s talking about what?

Chef Ashna Raje desperately needs a new strategy. How else can she save her beloved restaurant and prove to her estranged, overachieving mother that she isn't a complete screw up? When she's asked to join the cast of Cooking with the Stars, the latest hit reality show teaming chefs with celebrities, it seems like just the leap of faith she needs to put her restaurant back on the map. She's a chef, what's the worst that could happen?Rico Silva, that's what.Being paired with a celebrity who was her first love, the man who ghosted her at the worst possible time in her life, only proves what Ashna has always believed: leaps of faith are a recipe for disaster.FIFA winning soccer star Rico Silva isn't too happy to be paired up with Ashna either. Losing Ashna years ago almost destroyed him. The only silver lining to this bizarre situation is that he can finally prove to Ashna that he's definitely over her.But when their catastrophic first meeting goes viral, social media becomes obsessed with their chemistry. The competition on the show is fierce...and so is the simmering desire between Ashna and Rico. Every minute they spend together rekindles feelings that pull them toward their disastrous past. Will letting go again be another recipe for heartbreak—or a recipe for persuasion...?

The Good Luck Charm by Helena Hunting

Lilah isn't sure what hurt worse: the day Ethan left her to focus on his hockey career or the day he came back eight years later. He might think they can pick up just where they left off, but she's no longer that same girl and never wants to be again.

Just when Lilah might finally be ready to let Ethan in, though, she finds out their reunion might have nothing to do with love and everything to do with improving his game. But Ethan's already lost her once, and even if it costs him his career, he'll do anything to keep from losing her again.

— HOCKEY ROM COM. HOCKEY. ROM. COM. Apparently this lady is regarded as the queen of “hockey romance,” which I kind of take offense to, but will give a pass on because this was a very cute book and everyone was cute in it and I was only marginally frustrated by those same people being idiots. As is required by rom coms. Hockey, or otherwise.

A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer

Fall in love, break the curse. It once seemed so easy to Prince Rhen, the heir to Emberfall. Cursed by a powerful enchantress to repeat the autumn of his eighteenth year over and over, he knew he could be saved if a girl fell for him. But that was before he learned that at the end of each autumn, he would turn into a vicious beast hell-bent on destruction. That was before he destroyed his castle, his family, and every last shred of hope.

Nothing has ever been easy for Harper. With her father long gone, her mother dying, and her brother barely holding their family together while constantly underestimating her because of her cerebral palsy, she learned to be tough enough to survive. But when she tries to save someone else on the streets of Washington, DC, she's instead somehow sucked into Rhen's cursed world.

Break the curse, save the kingdom. A prince? A monster? A curse? Harper doesn't know where she is or what to believe. But as she spends time with Rhen in this enchanted land, she begins to understand what's at stake. And as Rhen realizes Harper is not just another girl to charm, his hope comes flooding back. But powerful forces are standing against Emberfall . . . and it will take more than a broken curse to save Harper, Rhen, and his people from utter ruin.

— Beauty and the Beast AU!!! Fantasy! Magic! Romance! I loved this, even when Rhen was being a whiny idiot. But he was also cursed, so like—fair. This dives into the politics of a cursed kingdom, puts a fun spin on the original fairy tale and also has a sequel. Which I read, and possibly enjoyed more. Only to realize the third book isn’t published yet, and then got annoyed by that.

QUESTIONABLY-GOOD FREE FANTASY BOOKS ON AMAZON

The Silver and Orchids Collection by Shari L Tapscott

What happens when a feisty adventuress, a lord looking to make his own way in the world, and a handsome sea captain set out to find Kalae’s rarest and most valuable flower?

Trouble—and lots of it.

— Snarky flirting! Adventure! Sword fights! Listen, this is not prize-winning fiction, but Lucia is a fun heroine, the rest of her adventure-seeking friends are an absolute delight and you don’t have to think too much while reading it. All four books wrap up their individual storylines, but help set up the next one and while the ending felt a little forced (and way too quick) I didn’t hate it enough to throw the Kindle across the room.

Forest of Firelight by Shari L. Tapscsott

After the sudden death of her brother, Princess Amalia is charged with what feels like an impossible task—she must choose the next king. Youthful thoughts of love are pushed aside as she accepts her fate, setting upon a quest throughout the kingdom to find a man worthy of her father’s throne.

Little does Amalia know, someone has already set his sights on her.

Rhys is a man of secrets, and his mission is simple: befriend the princess of Renove. Coax her to trust him, convince her to follow him.

Betray her when it’s time.

All goes according to plan until Rhys meets the princess. Amalia is a disaster. Never has he met someone so drawn to trouble. Never has he met someone so irritatingly likable.

He’s not allowed to fall for her.

She could never entrust him with a crown.

But, unbeknownst to them, their unlikely partnership might be the key to saving their entire world from a darkness that’s slowly creeping from the wounded earth that separates one kingdom from the next.

— FORBIDDEN LOVE! It’s good! Real good! I read this whole series (or the three books in it, so far) in a questionably short amount of time. Again, not the deepest story, and Amalia is occasionally frustratingly dumb. While Rhys is also sort of all-knowing in that fantasy hero sort of way? Y’know what I mean? Still, they banter very well, and eventually kiss even better.

LESS GOOD FANTASY BOOKS THAT PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE JUST BEEN AVAILABLE FOR FREE ON AMAZON

Ash Princess by Laura Sebastian

Theodosia was six when her country was invaded and her mother, the Fire Queen, was murdered before her eyes. On that day, the Kaiser took Theodosia's family, her land, and her name. Theo was crowned Ash Princess—a title of shame to bear in her new life as a prisoner.

For ten years Theo has been a captive in her own palace. She's endured the relentless abuse and ridicule of the Kaiser and his court. She is powerless, surviving in her new world only by burying the girl she was deep inside.

Then, one night, the Kaiser forces her to do the unthinkable. With blood on her hands and all hope of reclaiming her throne lost, she realizes that surviving is no longer enough. But she does have a weapon: her mind is sharper than any sword. And power isn't always won on the battlefield.

For ten years, the Ash Princess has seen her land pillaged and her people enslaved. That all ends here.

— I wanted to love this series. So much so that I read the whole thing. All three books. And I’m still not sure why. The world building, maybe. Which was very good, and the politics actually kept me interested, but every single character was the absolute worst and I kind of wanted them all to die. That’s not even an exaggeration. Spoiler, they didn’t all die. I was only marginally disappointed.

Daughter of the Pirate King by Tricia Levenseller

When the ruthless Pirate King learns of a legendary treasure map hidden on an enemy ship, his daughter, Alosa, knows that there's only one pirate for the job—herself. Leaving behind her beloved ship and crew, Alosa deliberately facilitates her own kidnapping to ensure her passage on the enemy ship. After all, who's going to suspect a seventeen-year-old girl locked in a cell?Then she meets the (surprisingly perceptive and unfairly attractive) first mate, Riden, who is charged with finding out all her secrets. Now it's down to a battle of wits and will... Can Alosa find the map and escape before Riden figures out her plan?

— Alosa was kind of the worst? Like, STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER who had to keep reminding you how strong she was because she would kill anyone, and had an all female pirate crew. And the whole time I was just like, ok...cool. Still, I read the sequel too and that was slightly better.

The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levenseller

Alessandra is tired of being overlooked, but she has a plan to gain power:

1) Woo the Shadow King.

2) Marry him.

3) Kill him and take his kingdom for herself.

No one knows the extent of the freshly crowned Shadow King's power. Some say he can command the shadows that swirl around him to do his bidding. Others say they speak to him, whispering the thoughts of his enemies. Regardless, Alessandra knows what she deserves, and she's going to do everything within her power to get it.

But Alessandra's not the only one trying to kill the king. As attempts on his life are made, she finds herself trying to keep him alive long enough for him to make her his queen—all while struggling not to lose her heart. After all, who better for a Shadow King than a cunning, villainous queen?

— I cannot explain this book any way except to tell you it is so weird. Like, sometimes I remember I read this and all I can think is: why did this book happen? It felt like it started in the middle of the story, which is not a knock on the story itself, but mostly on the world building. Which was lacking to say the least. Also the resolution was super rushed and even more weird and I was like—why does he like her??? I still don’t know, honestly.

The Stars We Steal by Alexa Donne

Engagement season is in the air. Eighteen-year-old Princess Leonie "Leo" Kolburg, heir to a faded European spaceship, has only one thing on her mind: which lucky bachelor can save her family from financial ruin?

But when Leo's childhood friend and first love, Elliot, returns as the captain of a successful whiskey ship, everything changes. Elliot was the one who got away, the boy Leo's family deemed to be unsuitable for marriage. Now he's the biggest catch of the season and he seems determined to make Leo's life miserable. But old habits die hard, and as Leo navigates the glittering balls of the Valg Season, she finds herself falling for her first love in a game of love, lies, and past regrets.

— Another book whose lack of world building hurt it. Stuff just happened, and we were expected to understand it and be into it and I was neither. I had no reason to care about anyone in this book, especially Elliot who seemed like an asshole.

To Kill a Kingdom by Alexandra Christo

Princess Lira is siren royalty and the most lethal of them all. With the hearts of seventeen princes in her collection, she is revered across the sea. Until a twist of fate forces her to kill one of her own. To punish her daughter, the Sea Queen transforms Lira into the one thing they loathe most—a human. Robbed of her song, Lira has until the winter solstice to deliver Prince Elian's heart to the Sea Queen and or remain a human forever.The ocean is the only place Prince Elian calls home, even though he is heir to the most powerful kingdom in the world. Hunting sirens is more than an unsavory hobby—it's his calling. When he rescues a drowning woman in the ocean, she's more than what she appears. She promises to help him find the key to destroying all of sirenkind for good—But can he trust her? And just how many deals will Elian have to barter to eliminate mankind's greatest enemy?

— This book did not go the way I thought it was going to. Not a bad thing, but also not the best and the ending was...bleh. The middle, though? That was legit, and the action was good. I am always a fan of sword fights. Still, there was something that left me waiting for the final push towards great and it just never really came.

ROM-COMS WITH ONLY PASSABLY FRUSTRATING PLOTS AND GOOD KISSING

Party of Two by Jasmine Guillory

Dating is the last thing on Olivia Monroe's mind when she moves to LA to start her own law firm. But when she meets a gorgeous man at a hotel bar and they spend the entire night flirting, she discovers too late that he is none other than hotshot junior senator Max Powell. Olivia has zero interest in dating a politician, but when a cake arrives at her office with the cutest message, she can't resist—it is chocolate cake, after all.

Olivia is surprised to find that Max is sweet, funny, and noble—not just some privileged white politician, as she assumed him to be. Because of Max's high-profile job, they start seeing each other secretly, which leads to clandestine dates and silly disguises. But when they finally go public, the intense media scrutiny means people are now digging up her rocky past and criticizing her job, even her suitability as a trophy girlfriend. Olivia knows what she has with Max is something special, but is it strong enough to survive the heat of the spotlight?

— It was cute. Max was occasionally an idiot. The kissing was legit. Most of their problems could have very easily been solved, but that’s kind of this genre’s schtick.

The Worst Best Man by Mia Sosa

A wedding planner left at the altar? Yeah, the irony isn't lost on Carolina Santos, either. But despite that embarrassing blip from her past, Lina's offered an opportunity that could change her life. There's just one hitch... she has to collaborate with the best (make that worst) man from her own failed nuptials. Marketing expert Max Hartley is determined to make his mark with a coveted hotel client looking to expand its brand. Then he learns he'll be working with his brother's whip-smart, stunning—absolutely off-limits—ex-fiancée. And she loathes him.If they can nail their presentation without killing each other, they'll both come out ahead. Except Max has been public enemy number one ever since he encouraged his brother to jilt the bride, and Lina's ready to dish out a little payback of her own.Soon Lina and Max discover animosity may not be the only emotion creating sparks between them. Still, this star-crossed couple can never be more than temporary playmates because Lina isn't interested in falling in love and Max refuses to play runner-up to his brother ever again...

— Once you got past the hooking up with your ex’s brother thing, it was cute. Max was endearing in an earnest sort of way, even when Lina was STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER in a cliche sort of way. More solid kissing. Side note, why are so many rom com dudes named Max? Does it sound hip? Passably cool, but also approachable? Discuss. 

Not that Kind of Guy by Andie J. Christopher

State attorney Bridget Nolan is successful in all aspects of her life—except romance. After breaking up with her longtime boyfriend, she's been slow to reenter the dating scene. To be honest, she has more important things to do like putting bad guys behind bars. But with her brother's wedding right around the corner, she suddenly needs a date and fast. Lucky for Bridget, the legal intern is almost done with his program.

Matt Kido is dumbstruck by Bridget—total love at first sight—but there's one problem. She's totally off-limits while she's his boss. But the moment he no longer reports to her, Matt asks her on a date. An impulsive decision takes them to Las Vegas where, as the saying goes, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Unless you put a ring on it.

— Having written the “wake up in Vegas married” trope before, I know it’s difficult to do right. Consent’s a thing, y’know? And stuff gets dicy with forgotten memories, and all that, but mostly what kept me from truly loving this book was the intern thing. Don’t date your interns guys, it’s weird and off-putting. Literally if he’d just been a junior partner, or a visiting partner or something else I would have been all in.

Meet Cute by Helena Hunting

Kailyn Flowers was always calm, rational, and controlled—until she ended up sprawled all over Daxton Hughes, the former actor she totally crushed on as a teenager. Then she did the unthinkable: She became a mortifying fangirl in five seconds flat, which may or may not have included professing her undying love. And oddly, he didn't run away. In fact, their meet cute led to a friendship she never saw coming. Of course, she never saw his betrayal coming, either...Now Dax needs her help. As guardian to his thirteen-year-old sister, he's in way over his head. And though Kailyn hasn't forgiven Dax, she isn't heartless enough to make him fend for himself, either. Soon their friendly meetings turn into flirty dinner dates, and Kailyn can feel their chemistry is as explosive as ever. But how can she possibly let down her guard again to a guy who has heartbreak written all over him?

— Once again here for the one that got away trope, even if this comes with dead parents and some sad storylines. It still managed to be cute. Everyone was cute in it. Occasionally Daxton was a dick. As rom com male leads are apt to be.

If I Never Met You by Mhairi McFarlane

If faking love is this easy... how do you know when it's real?When her partner of over a decade suddenly ends things, Laurie is left reeling—not only because they work at the same law firm and she has to see him every day. Her once perfect life is in shambles and the thought of dating again in the age of Tinder is nothing short of horrifying. When news of her ex's pregnant girlfriend hits the office grapevine, taking the humiliation lying down is not an option. Then a chance encounter in a broken-down elevator with the office playboy opens up a new possibility.Jamie Carter doesn't believe in love, but he needs a respectable, steady girlfriend to impress their bosses. Laurie wants a hot new man to give the rumor mill something else to talk about. It's the perfect proposition: a fauxmance played out on social media, with strategically staged photographs and a specific end date in mind. With the plan hatched, Laurie and Jamie begin to flaunt their new couple status, to the astonishment—and jealousy—of their friends and colleagues. But there's a fine line between pretending to be in love and actually falling for your charming, handsome fake boyfriend...

— FAKE DATING THAT LEADS TO REAL FEELINGS. The ex-boyfriend was an assssss, the fake boyfriend was charming, everything was good AND THEN WE GOT TO THE END. Which felt more than a little rushed, unexpected and not really in line with the rest of the book?? Give ‘em a slightly better, in-character ending, and I would have been sold.

BOOKS THAT I WAS LIKE...EH, OK

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night.

But behind the scenes, a fierce competition is underway: a duel between two young magicians, Celia and Marco, who have been trained since childhood expressly for this purpose by their mercurial instructors. Unbeknownst to them both, this is a game in which only one can be left standing. Despite the high stakes, Celia and Marco soon tumble headfirst into love, setting off a domino effect of dangerous consequences, and leaving the lives of everyone, from the performers to the patrons, hanging in the balance.

— I think this book was too smart for me. The prose was gorgeous, and the whole thing was very pretty and I definitely swooned when Marco said he wished for Celia. And yet. By the end I was like...eh, ok. Maybe it was the timeline? Jumping around, or how little dialogue there was. I wanted to like it all so badly, and I’m just not sure I did.

Acting on Impulse by Mia Sosa

After a very public breakup with a media-hungry politician, fitness trainer Tori Alvarez escapes to Aruba for rest, relaxation, and copious amounts of sex on the beach—the cocktail, that is. She vows to keep her vacation a man-free zone but when a cute guy is seated next to her on the plane, Tori can't resist a little harmless flirting.Hollywood heartthrob Carter Stone underwent a dramatic physical transformation for his latest role and it's clear his stunning seat mate doesn't recognize the man beneath the shaggy beard and extra lean frame. Now Carter needs help rebuilding his buff physique and Tori is perfect for the job. It doesn't hurt that she makes his pulse pound in more ways than one.Sparks are flying, until a pesky paparazzo reveals Carter's identity. Tori is hurt and pissed. She wants nothing to do with another man in the limelight, but she's still got to whip him into shape. Can Carter convince Tori he's worth the threat to her privacy that comes with dating a famous actor, or will Tori chisel him down to nothing before he even gets the chance?

— Dudes have gotta stop lying about who they are. It’s not a great trope. Other than that, the kissing was good. The romance was like...eh. I honestly don’t remember much else.

Twice in a Blue Moon by Christina Lauren

During a whirlwind two-week vacation abroad, Sam and Tate fell for each other in only the way that first loves do: sharing all of their hopes, dreams, and deepest secrets along the way. Sam was the first, and only, person that Tate—the long-lost daughter of one of the world's biggest film stars—ever revealed her identity to. So when it became clear her trust was misplaced, her world shattered for good.

Fourteen years later, Tate, now an up-and-coming actress, only thinks about her first love every once in a blue moon. When she steps onto the set of her first big break, he's the last person she expects to see. Yet here Sam is, the same charming, confident man she knew, but even more alluring than she remembered. Forced to confront the man who betrayed her, Tate must ask herself if it's possible to do the wrong thing for the right reason... and whether "once in a lifetime" can come around twice.

— This book was...weird. The early romance was wonderful and delightful, but then shit hit the fan and Sam and Tate are adults and...weird. Like, I cannot come up with another word for it. Also, they didn’t really talk much? As adults? Working on the same movie set? W e i r d.

I Owe You One by Sophie Kinsella

Fixie Farr has always lived by her father’s motto: “Family first.” And since her dad passed away, leaving his charming housewares store in the hands of his wife and children, Fixie spends all her time picking up the slack from her siblings instead of striking out on her own. The way Fixie sees it, if she doesn’t take care of her father’s legacy, who will?

It’s simply not in Fixie’s nature to say no to people. So when a handsome stranger in a coffee shop asks her to watch his laptop for a moment, she not only agrees—she ends up saving it from certain disaster. To thank Fixie for her quick thinking, the computer’s owner, Sebastian, an investment manager, scribbles an IOU on a coffee sleeve and attaches his business card. Fixie laughs it off—she’d never actually claim an IOU from a stranger. Would she?

But then Fixie’s childhood crush, Ryan, comes back into her life, and his lack of a profession pushes all of Fixie’s buttons. As always, she wants nothing for herself—but she’d love Seb to give Ryan a job. No sooner has Seb agreed than the tables are turned once more and a new series of IOUs between Seb and Fixie—from small favors to life-changing moments—ensues. Soon Fixie, Ms. Fixit for everyone else, is torn between her family and the life she really wants. Does she have the courage to take a stand? Will she finally grab the life, and love, she really wants?

— Let’s be upfront, I’ve read a lot of Sophie Kinsella in my life, and more often than not I enjoy what she writes. I mostly did here. It was a book. With obvious rom com problems, that could have very easily been solved, but it wasn’t horrible. So, that was good, I guess.

The Wedding Party by Jasmine Guillory

Maddie and Theo have two things in common:

1. Alexa is their best friend

2. They hate each other

After an "oops, we made a mistake" night together, neither one can stop thinking about the other. With Alexa's wedding rapidly approaching, Maddie and Theo both share bridal party responsibilities that require more interaction with each other than they're comfortable with. Underneath the sharp barbs they toss at each other is a simmering attraction that won't fade. It builds until they find themselves sneaking off together to release some tension when Alexa isn't looking, agreeing they would end it once the wedding is over. When it's suddenly pushed up and they only have a few months left of secret rendezvouses, they find themselves regretting that the end is near. Two people this different can't possibly have a connection other than the purely physical, right?

But as with any engagement with a nemesis, there are unspoken rules that must be abided by. First and foremost, don't fall in love.

— Eh, this book happened. I still have no idea why they couldn’t be together from the get. Obstacles for the sake of plot, I guess. Also political side stories? I don’t know, guys.

WEIRD POST-ENDING FEELINGS WERE INDUCED

Beach Read by Emily Henry

Augustus Everett is an acclaimed author of literary fiction. January Andrews writes bestselling romance. When she pens a happily ever after, he kills off his entire cast.

They're polar opposites.

In fact, the only thing they have in common is that for the next three months, they're living in neighboring beach houses, broke, and bogged down with writer's block.

Until, one hazy evening, one thing leads to another and they strike a deal designed to force them out of their creative ruts: Augustus will spend the summer writing something happy, and January will pen the next Great American Novel. She'll take him on field trips worthy of any rom-com montage, and he'll take her to interview surviving members of a backwoods death cult (obviously). Everyone will finish a book and no one will fall in love. Really.

— Listen, I enjoyed this a lot. For the most part. It was funny, and introspective in a way that didn’t make me want to gag too much, and I wanted to defend January’s love of love with everything in me. But, then it—ended. And it was like...all tied up with this nice little ribbon and happily ever after, and I was like...oh, ok. Part of me that it was glad it ended like that, mostly because of who I am as a person, but the rest of me was also confused that after everything January and Augustus had been through and how messy their lives were it could just get all wrapped up in this HEA.

HITTING JUST A BIT TOO CLOSE TO HOME

Spoiler Alert by Olivia Dade

Marcus Caster-Rupp has a secret. The world may know him as Aeneas, star of the biggest show on television, but fanfiction readers call him something else: Book!AeneasWouldNever. Marcus gets out his frustrations with the show through anonymous stories about the internet's favorite couple, Aeneas and Lavinia. But if anyone discovered his online persona, he'd be finished in Hollywood.April Whittier has secrets of her own. A hardcore Lavinia fan, she's long hidden her fanfic and cosplay hobbies from her "real life"—but not anymore. When she dares to post her latest costume creation on Twitter, her plus-size take goes viral. And when Marcus asks her out to spite her internet critics, truth officially becomes stranger than fanfiction. On their date, Marcus quickly realizes he wants more from April than a one-time publicity stunt. But when he discovers she's Unapologetic Lavinia Stan, his closest fandom friend, he has one more huge secret to keep from her.With love and Marcus's career on the line, can the two of them stop hiding once and for all, or will a match made in fandom end up prematurely cancelled?

— Here for plus-size heroines who get the guy and don’t have their (entire) storyline defined by their looks. Less here for the weird fandom culture, the ensuing second-hand embarrassment that came from that and the thankfulness that both Colin O’Donoghue and Bob Morley appear to be happily married so it seems very unlikely they’re writing fic about their characters under pseudonyms. Stop using Ao3 in actual published stories 2k4ever.

RAGE-INDUCING BOOKS OF ABSOLUTE FURY

The Friend Zone by Abby Jimenez

Kristen Peterson doesn't do drama, will fight to the death for her friends, and has no room in her life for guys who just don't get her. She's also keeping a big secret: facing a medically necessary procedure that will make it impossible for her to have children.Planning her best friend's wedding is bittersweet for Kristen — especially when she meets the best man, Josh Copeland. He's funny, sexy, never offended by her mile-wide streak of sarcasm, and always one chicken enchilada ahead of her hangry. Even her dog, Stuntman Mike, adores him. The only catch: Josh wants a big family someday. Kristen knows he'd be better off with someone else, but as their attraction grows, it's harder and harder to keep him at arm's length.The Friend Zone will have you laughing one moment and grabbing for tissues the next as it tackles the realities of infertility and loss with wit, heart, and a lot of sass.

— LISTEN THERE ARE SPOILERS HERE, BUT I FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THEM BECAUSE THIS BOOK IS A SECRET GUT PUNCH AND PEOPLE SHOULD BE AWARE. Not only is infertility, like, the defining theme of this book, but the BEST FRIEND DIES. Just—dies. It’s horrible. Absolutely God awful depressing. And for a second he looks like he won’t, and it’ll be fine, but then it is not and he’s just D E A D. I know, I know that sets up the sequel, but this was so goddamn heavy in an unsuspecting way that I have absolutely no intention of reading the next one.

Well Met by Jen DeLuca

Emily knew there would be strings attached when she relocated to the small town of Willow Creek, Maryland, for the summer to help her sister recover from an accident, but who could anticipate getting roped into volunteering for the local Renaissance Faire alongside her teenaged niece? Or that the irritating and inscrutable schoolteacher in charge of the volunteers would be so annoying that she finds it impossible to stop thinking about him?

The faire is Simon's family legacy and from the start he makes clear he doesn't have time for Emily's lighthearted approach to life, her oddball Shakespeare conspiracy theories, or her endless suggestions for new acts to shake things up. Yet on the faire grounds he becomes a different person, flirting freely with Emily when she's in her revealing wench's costume. But is this attraction real, or just part of the characters they're portraying?

This summer was only ever supposed to be a pit stop on the way to somewhere else for Emily, but soon she can't seem to shake the fantasy of establishing something more with Simon or a permanent home of her own in Willow Creek.

— FUCK THIS BOOK. And fuck Simon, specifically. Oh, you have a sad story? Cool, you’re still a dick. He was a dick. Listen, I know enemies to lovers is a hard trope to write, but it’s even harder to accept when those enemies just announce I LIKED YOU THE WHOLE TIME and then everyone starts ripping off their clothes. No, it’s dumb. I hate it. Apparently there’s a sequel to this book. Maybe that’s better.

Kiss My Cupcake by Helena Hunting

Blaire Calloway has planned every Instagram-worthy moment of her cupcake and cocktails shop launch down to the tiniest detail. What she didn't plan on? Ronan Knight and his old-school sports bar next door opening on the very same day. He may be super swoony, but Blaire hasn't spent years obsessing over buttercream and bourbon to have him ruin her chance at success.From axe throwing (his place) to frosting contests (hers), Blaire and Ronan are constantly trying to one-up each other in a battle to win new customers. But with every clash, there's also an undeniable chemistry. When an even bigger threat to their business comes to town, they're forced to call a temporary time-out on their own war and work together. And the more time Blaire spends getting to know the real Ronan, the more she wonders if it's possible to have her cupcake and eat it too.

— Listen, I wanted to like this one. There were plenty other Helena Hunting books on this list, so like—I don’t hate her. I just hate poorly executed enemies to lovers plot lines. Give me at least one moment where they are interested in each other aside from just being attracted to each other. Also: Stop Having Dudes Be Dicks Because Of Their Sad Backstory 2k4ever.

Don’t You Forget About Me by Mhairi McFarlane

You always remember your first love... don't you?If there's anything worse than being fired from the worst restaurant in town, it's coming home early to find your boyfriend in bed with someone else. Reeling from the humiliation of a double dumping in one day, Georgina takes the next job that comes her way—bartender in a newly opened pub. There's only one problem: it's run by the guy she fell in love with years ago. And—make that two problems—he doesn't remember her. At all. But she has fabulous friends and her signature hot pink fur coat... what more could a girl really need?Lucas McCarthy has not only grown into a broodingly handsome man, but he's also turned into an actual grown-up, with a thriving business and a dog along the way. Crossing paths with him again throws Georgina's rocky present into sharp relief—and brings a secret from her past bubbling to the surface. Only she knows what happened twelve years ago, and why she's allowed the memories to chase her ever since. But maybe it's not too late for the truth... or a second chance with the one that got away?

— HE WAS JUST PRETENDING NOT TO REMEMBER HER THE WHOLE TIME???? WHAT?? WHY??? D U M B. Dumb boys are dumb.

Not the Girl You Marry by Andie J. Christopher

Jack Nolan is a gentleman, a journalist, and unlucky in love. His viral success has pigeon-holed him as the how-to guy for a buzzy, internet media company instead of covering hard-hitting politics. Fed up with his fluffy articles and the app-based dating scene as well, he strikes a deal with his boss to write a final piece de resistance: How to Lose a Girl. Easier said than done when the girl he meets is Hannah Mayfield, and he's not sure he wants her to dump him.

Hannah is an extremely successful event planner who's focused on climbing the career ladder. Her firm is one of the most prestigious in the city, and she's determined to secure her next promotion. But Hannah has a bit of an image problem. She needs to show her boss that she has range, including planning dreaded, romantic weddings. Enter Jack. He's the perfect man to date for a couple weeks to prove to her boss that she's not scared of feelings.

Before Jack and Hannah know it, their fake relationship starts to feel all too real—and neither of them can stand to lose each other.

— This is actually the prequel to Not That Kind of Guy and I honestly can’t believe I read that after hating this book so much. They were awful to each other! Their whole relationship was based on lies! Mean lies! Horrible lies! Don’t lie to your significant other!

[morguenecrosis]

May we lay to rest my last description, it serve me well, and it will be below for all who would like to read it while they wait for the new one to be created

12 o'clock late night incoherent late rant at midnight while caffeinated and deprived of sleep at night time hours: I crave the embrace of solar rays but am burned by his spite… fuck you helios… wait am I Icarus now? *has existential crisis* anus crimes against God… no you are absolutely not allowed to question it... Gabriel is the chillest angel but Michael probably looks good in a skirt and fishnets… blasphemy is my personality type… the gas mask stays on during our completely platonic picnic date in a cemetery… legs are itchy and I can't save myself from this punishment, what have I done to deserve such suffering *dramatic pause* I'm going to go to the toilet now… head empty only key lime pie… do not question or seek out the location of my head or face, it is a government protected secret and you will be dragged away by the feds and never heard from again… I'm hungry for pork! *proceeds to bite a cop and gets arrested* Biblical angels, eldritch gods, and monsters can top me any day *finger guns* Who would win? Realistic transition goals or kpop idol standards? *Chews on water bottle cap* Sad Boi Incapable of Love™ Funky Man™ Bastard Man™ Minor Inconvenience Man™ fried eggs, guillotines, sword fights, and lawyers are n*s*f*w /j… Freud is a loser, why do we talk about him in so many classes… The American education system has truly failed me on so many levels and I will rant about it for an hour, just dm me… hate anons are weak minded worms and I will take a minute to be amused by whatever you send before harvesting your spine for my vast collection… caffeine is a socially acceptable drug that I overdose frequently, you have been warned… \(•-•\) NERO (•/-\•) NERO (/•-•)/ NERO… your credit card number, social security number, and address will be totally safe with me /joking… Over simplified logo designers are public enemy number one... I'm really just a hyperactive morally questionable child in a 17 going on 18 year old body and I can't be stopped by the establishment… chaotic chaotic alignment… I remember My Immortal and so will you, you're welcome! I wanna go to Las Vegas for the aesthetic… Quick questions: What are taxes? Are pigeons real? Why can't I take a bath in the mall fountain? Where do where do? How do where how what do who? Y'all? Arson? Are government officials born or created in a lab?... My decsription is massive ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)...

Sugar daddy bots are hilarious because they actually got sugar daddy behavior accurate so like… feck you...

[atinybitofau]

H O N G J O O N G ↹ the breakup

IN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE EXPECTATIONS ARE LESS THAN WANT

a/n: can be considered a mafia au

• you thought breaking up with your bad boy boyfriend would be a good idea.

• that his whole mischievous lifestyle was too much for you to swallow.

• that only god can decipher his real goal in life.

• “Y/n, what do want to be when you grow up?” your first grade teacher asked you years ago.

• to which you replied, “I want to save lives! I want to do good things and save everyone who needs saving. That’s what I want to do.”

• everybody knew how undoubtedly virtuous you were.

• how you managed to maintain your place on the honor roll.

• being one of the most needed charge nurses in Seoul’s busiest emergency room.

• but you think that’s cut short when you meet a man of distant character.

• a man who was something you should rather let die than save despite your good judgement.

• “S-sir. The hospital’s just a block away. I can take you there instead so you can see a doctor. Or a surgeon for heavens sake. Oh my god, you’re bleeding.. sir, can’t you just come with me?”

• the man’s hissing at you while you press his wound, his eyes sneering cold shots. “I don’t need a doctor.”

• “O-okay.. but you can’t just stay here. You’ll die if you don’t get this treated. We should call the police and—“

• you realize that this man could kill you.

• that maybe your midnight snack runs were susceptible to danger after all.

• “You don’t know who I am, do you?”

• you sigh.

• you don’t want to find out.

• but god gave you a strong will when he created you.

• giving you the will to save lives though they might not always deserve them.

• and now you’re treating a criminal,

• a monster,

• a bad bad man in the middle of your living room, quiet and uncertain.

• “Fucking hell, easy angel. That hurts.”

• you sigh again ignoring his cries for pain.

• “Maybe if you didn’t go around trying to cause mischief, you wouldn’t be in this particular situation.”

• he stares down at you.

• both annoyed and completely infatuated.

• how a woman so small and so weak—

• uncapable,

• willing to help a man like himself.

• “You don’t do this a lot, huh? Helping dangerous people with a gunshot wound you find in a random alleyway.”

• you smile softly, staring more at the wound than his face. “Well no. Obviously. I work at Gundam Med. And I don’t usually do this kind of thing if I’m not getting paid for it.”

• his lips curl too.

• for the first time, enjoying the effort to move his lips to speak to someone.

• not something he’d normally would do.

• “You’ve got gentle hands, angel. I wouldn’t have let you help me if you weren’t so persistent earlier either you know.”

• you look up to him.

• wondering what he looked like.

• cause you mentally drew the line between being altruistic and curious.

• you just wanted to help the guy.

• not get involved.

• but yet here you were hypnotized by his eyes.

• the darkness and the light.

• how gorgeous he was—

• for his caliber at least.

• utterly mesmerizing.

• he hides his smirking lips, head cocking at you when you stare. “Has anyone ever told you you’ve got the body of an angel and the eyes of the devil?”

• you blink softly pausing your hands. “You’d be the first.”

• “I’m glad. Clearly people can’t see what I see.”

• you don’t know how it happened.

• but Hongjoong’s spent more time coming to your house every night.

• wanting to know more about this angel-devil he’d encounter on an off day for him.

• it didn’t take long till he erased the line you drew the day you met.

• now inexplicably dating.

• “Hongjoong, you can’t just keep coming here and expecting me to believe your crap stories about feeding a family— what you’re doing clearly past just trying to get food on the table!”

• Hongjoong’s over the moon.

• of course in love with you

• but right now ready to kill someone.

• “I can’t just leave my life behind for you.”

• “And I don’t expect you to.”

• it hurt a little.

• that Hongjoong wasn’t telling you everything you needed to know.

• but you eventually figured you’d want more than a forbidden relationship.

• that you want to marry this guy.

• that you think,

• how fucking deranged you are for wanting something more with an A class delinquent.

• “Y/n, to save your life, I’m trying to keep you away from the truth. Respect that.”

• you laugh sinisterly, peeved at his defense. “Respect that? You expect me to respect that? When you are far from the person who saves lives, Joong? That you’re just a man ready to kill. And that I was stupid enough to have fallen in love with a lowlife criminal like you.”

• his jaw slacks.

• knowing well who he is.

• and the man he grew up to be.

• though to many faults,

• someone he never wanted to be.

• but he’s not surprised someone like you wouldn’t understand.

• when you’ve always been the person you wanted to be.

• “I’m gonna leave.” despite the argument, Hongjoong curls his hand over your cheeks.

• your hot tears never seizing over his skin.

• “I’m obviously not the man for you. Not something you expect me to be. So if I can’t be that for you, angel, I’ll let you find someone who can.”

• “Joong..” your voice breaks. “I do love you. I do. But sometimes, I have to draw the line between something I expect and something—“

• I want...

• but he kisses your trembling lips from speaking your last thoughts.

• hearing the words escape your mouth harder for him than it would be for you who spoke.

• “I love you, angel. Remember that, okay?”

• you cry knowing this was both your ways of saying goodbye.

• how hard it was to let go of a sin,

• a bad habit.

• incomprehensible.

• “Joong.. I love you. Please take care of yourself for me? And that no matter what you do... I do love you.”

• “What I did to deserve you, even for this little, I can’t comprehend myself.”

• you live life as if it were just a memory.

• looking into the alleyway you met Hongjoong every night in case you’d see him again.

• you think saving people may be something you wanted to do—

• and wanted to be,

• a savior.

• but as far as right now goes?

• you just wanted to be with Hongjoong.

• “How’d you know I worked for your little ex, y/n?”

• you sigh, “You follow me around every day. How could I not?”

• the conniving little sphinx smirks. “So. Why approach me now?”

• “You stopped a while ago.. I want to know why.”

• you think..

• did Hongjoong not love you anymore?

• did he not want to protect you?

• did breaking up,

• really mend nothing in your stubborn heart?

• the man in front of you tenses.

• teeth gritting before saying, “He did some things a couple weeks back. Earlier in the week, he said he’d go handle some things on his own and then he never came home. It’s not unusual for people like us, what we do, to venture out and get things done the way we like but.”

• “Hongjoong always comes back.”

• “Exactly.”

• your heart sinks in your chest,

• wanting to do that saving thing you have a will for.

• “Is he in trouble?”

• the man who works for your ex frowns. “Even if he was, what could you do about it? Save him?.”

• you don’t expect to get involved.

• you never intended to even after things with you and Joong worked out.

• but when they fell apart, you had to get involved.

• No—

• you had to save him.

• “Y/n. Do you even know how to use that thing?”

• you didn’t think seven boys of similar caliber to Hongjoong would be so nice to you.

• at least,

• nicer than Hongjoong ever was first meeting.

• “It can’t be that hard, right? Pull the trigger. Potentially take a life instead of save one. A weapon’s a weapon. It’s got one job.”

• the boys seem impressed.

• that their boss landed a woman like you.

• so pure and naive.

• as smart as Joong was.

• but a little ignorant sometimes just like him too.

• “You know, y/n.” Yunho, who helped you hold the gun right.

• training you despite the effort Hongjoong avoided.

• thinking he’d be able to protect you enough that you wouldn’t have to for yourself.

• “There’s a saying Hongjoong made sure we all remember.”

• you look at him away from the deadly weapon and furrow. “And what’s that?”

• “Sometimes you have to take lives to save some.”

• and like that you shoot your first bullet.

• and he’s right.

• the moment you enter the firefight with the boys,

• you were stone.

• unsure if the saying was right.

• but in order to save theirs, you had to take some.

• so you shoot bullets the way Yunho taught you.

• and find Hongjoong.

• head hanging in a dark room waiting.

• waiting for you to save him again.

• “Joong?”

• he looks up at you.

• thinking,

• you really are an angel.

• his very own.

• “Saving lives again I see.”

• you hoarsely chuckle, tears in your eyes.

• thinking god,

• the things you’d do just to be the person you’ve always wanted to be.

• “I think I’ll just settle for saving yours after today.”

• he sends you a bloody smile,

• wounds ready for you to tend to.

• and you’re welcoming with open arms.

• “Didn’t I tell you to take care of yourself?” you ask him kneeling to the ground before him.

• he nuzzles against you while you untie the ropes around his wrists.

• “Angel, I missed you.”

• you kiss him when he breaks free,

• taking the gun from your hands.

• ready to save you too.

• “Maybe we aren’t so different after all.” you mumble while he curls against you, savoring every bit of you before he loses the chance again. “That what you want to be.. is the same person I do.”

• he tenderly holds you.

• thinking you’ve been the woman you’ve always wanted to be.

• the person he’d always wanted to be.

• and it’s okay for him to settle with having you instead of being it himself.

• “I love you.” he whispers. “I’ll take lives even if I don’t have to. Just so I can have you.”

• you know he’s right.

• you don’t think so.

• no you know so.

• that even though he’s far from what you expect him to be.

• he’ll still be the man you want him to be.

• yours.

• “Old habits die hard. Sometimes you just got to take lives to save some.”

@atinybitofau

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 1 - Haruna Fuuka files lawsuit against internet slanderers

*with Kaoru (K), Joe (J), Tasai (T) , who is a journalist writing for the newspaper Tokyo Sports, and Kami/god.*

Kaoru: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru. Have you heard of 'The Freedom of Expression' somewhere before?

Joe, Tasai : *noding*

K: I've a feeling we've done this before...

J: Thats right, yes...Its not a feeling, we actually did.

K: We are reviving the show we did on the radio station InterFM from 2015-16, on youtube this time.

J: Awesome

*applause*

J: I was really happy when I was first told about the revival.

K: I was also surprised *laughs*

J: Its not that you were made to revive the show though, right Kaoru?

K: The suggestion just came at me.

J: Oh really, like 'How about it?'

K: Like, 'Wanna tryy?' 1*

J: Ah, in a Kansai accent?

K:Yes yes

J: Like, 'Lets tryyy'..kind of thing...it started like that *laughs*

K: Yep

J: We did quite a lot (on InterFM). We even did a special edition

K, T : Yes, we did

J: We even made stickers

K: Brazil!

J:Yes

T: Ah, the live broadcast..at the Olympics

J: It was Dobashi san...Bishbash Dobashi san.

T: It would be good if we could do another live broadcast at this year's Tokyo Olympics.

J: On this You tube channel?

T: Yes *laughs*

J: A live broadcast might be a bit difficult legally, as for the Olymipcs *T laughs*

K: Um, thats *shhh*

J: Oh, its a secret!' *K laughing*  Maybe if were are asked by Tokyo Sports..?

K: Yes yes...So, as to the freedom of expression... 

Kami/god: Wait, wait, wait..I've come down too.

J: Oh, Kami?

K: He's saying it from himself *laughs*..I thought he would come if we beckoned him though.

J: Thats what usually happened. He was the kind of god that would come down after we called him, but now a god that comes down on his own accord.

K: Wasn't he like that before too? Should we keep him in reseve a bit more?

J: He'll want to appear, we can't help it?

Kami: You were forgetting about me!

K: We are not forgetting you!

Kami: You musn't forget your god!

*laughing*

T: We are not forgetting you!

Kami: Its not good!

J: You are always in our hearts.

T: Yes, he is.

Kami: Yes, thats it..you have to think like that.

J: But, you are not in the studio today, kami?

Kami: Oh..um, im just getting off a night shift..

J: A night shift?!

K: Ah, but it was like that before..

Kami: Right.

J: You are doing night shift work again? *Tasai laughs*

Kami: yes, thats right.

K: That was a while ago wasn't it, how many years ago?

J: Oh, is this the night shift season?

Kami: No, its..

T: You worked for ￥1000 per hour right?

Kami: Yes, yes...my hourly rate has risen a bit though. They were telling me 'Take a rest, take a rest', so my income dropped.

J: Ahh, its what they called a 'reformed working style', right?

Kami: Right

J: Its tough for you too, Kami.

Kami: *laughs* Yes it is.

K: He's the same as ever...  so lets get started.

J, T: Please

K: Ah, by the way, Tasai san, as well as Bishbashi Dohashi san, wasn't there another person before (at InterFM)?

T: Yes..a beastly guy *K laughs* An old aquaintance of the listeners', a guy called Monster Hiranabe.

J: Its a strange story, but once when a certain celebrity died, Hiranabe-san called me up, and asked me if I had known the deceased guy...as soon as I said that I hadn't known him very well, he hung up on me straight away!

T: Thats awful!

J: He is awful

T: This very guy, Hiranabe, even got a promotion from the manager.

J: Eh? Promoted to what?!

T: To Director

J:Eh?! Really?

K: Is that okay??

J: No, it'll be terrible!

K: Right, lets move onto the main news...I'd like to get deeper into the concept of 'The Freedom of Expression'.

J: Right, so Haruna Fuuka has filed a lawsuit againts those who engage in 'internet slander'.

A tweet stated 'Both her parents created a failure'.

On Jan 14th, 18 year old Haruna and her mother filed a lawsuit at Yokohama district court demanding ￥2,654,000 in damages from a person engaged in spreading falsehoods which have damaged her dignity.

On the acknowledgement that these tweets went beyond what was deemed acceptable by society at large, on Nov 1st the internet provider was ordered to make public the persons name and address etc.

Haruna has been tweeting since the age of 9, giving her opinion at random about society's problems, and creating a stir. She now has over 200,000 followers and is fighting 10 years of slander. Kaoru, what do you think about this?

K: Well..I mean, naturally, you'd feel like that..

J: Hmm, but I don't know the details but..the name of the defendant has been withheld...well, its a common problem that as a person speaking in the public eye, you are going to get criticism along with praise...like a 'fame tax'.  That said, how far do you go before honour is damaged? On SNS, you are of course free to express yourself, you can write what you want, but the issue is what constitutes damage to honour. This might be a very difficult area in which to draw a legal line, but on the other hand, if you don't draw a legal line, things may escalate out of control...Kaoru, what do you think?

K: Well for example, if banter between friends is written down...controlling that...Its best not to look at whats written in the first place.

J: Ah, the person in question right? By the way Kaoru, its a strange question, but do you search for yourself online?

K: No, not really. I hear things, the office staff will tell me.

J: Oh, if anything is being said?

T: In the world of fame its quite true, that even if 98 or 99 opinions out of 100 are good, the one negative thing will stand out.

K: Well, yes, its the bad things that..

J: On the other hand, from the writers'  perspective at Tokyo Sports, how far are you willing to slander someone? You could write an article in a good or bad way..

T: Of course balance is important, but of course, if the courts want to complain to us, they can call us, and start an exchange, but in the case of slanders on the internet, its like, who do you complain to? So, if you ask celebrities, they will say Tokyo Sports slander is better than anonymous online slander because at least they can complain to our face.

J: Mm, absolutely. Just how far do we protect these tweets, these freedoms of expression? Its difficult.

K: Are these really 'expressions'?

J: Well, esentially, yes. When you say 'tweets' you think of nonsense, but really its media expressing things, or artists expressing things..

K: Yes, yes, you can get a sense of individual expression.

J: And this especially has the power to influence...

K: Yes, and people get swept up in it.

J: I think this is universal, but at the moment I think Japan is bit like a geyser, people will rush towards any incident and some will start complaining, I mean, I think its important to say what you feel, but its complaining without trying to solve anything, only satisfying yourself.

K: Thats it

J: Its sounds strange to say, but it ends like masturbation. If it turns into something towards a soloution its ok, but just creating thoughtless slander to satisfy yourself is questionable.

K: So its often said, if you continue the conversation only looking at the bad things, it can't be helped. There are also good people out there..you know, put more importance on those people. How to put it...its like we said before, if you focus too much on that one out of a hundred, its kind of rude to the other 99.

J: I see. Still this person has over 200,000 followers and its said she has been fighting slander for ten years.

T: She's always been a bit of a talking point online. I'll just search for her.

J: I also have Instagram, I do stuff to do with societal problems on The Dave Fromm show's youtube channel, and whenever I upload about it (on IG), my followers decrease!  *everyone laughs* Outrageously decrease! Im serious, despite getting so far, that channel updates every week, and with every update my followers decrease. Maybe people hate reading about societal problems..*to Tasai* What did you find?

T: So for example there was that thing recently about regulating gamers to 60mins per session, she had quite a few things to say about that, playing vs learning etc.

J: I see..Young people do complain, well you can't really tell here, but on the other hand, young people these days, i know they would hate us old guys talking about this, but young people apparently have three main taboos. The first is talking about sex, they dont follow this, the second is politics, they don't follow this either, and the other one is, they don't like being made to talk about the kind of things that they really need to be talking about...there seems to be this kind of trend. So i think in this way...theres a chance Haruna is getting right to the point of this. But certainly, applying the law in a way that recognises infringement/damage to honour by way of personal utterances has the potential to lead to restrictions on the freedom of expression. Its a difficult play off, isnt it?

T: Yes, it really is

J: Obviously, when it comes to race, or racial discrimination, there has come to be rules concerning hate speech and so on, but how far can you regulate one-to-one slandering, or..how far can you protect the person being attacked? Should the country or the judiciary decide this? Its difficult.

K: Kami, what do you think? Are you there?

Kami: Well, I hear slanders towards me all the time *everyone laughs* Like, god tells lies, god is useless, or even that there is no such thing as god!

J: Ahh, i see. They deny you!

Kami: Yes, thats it. If I care about those things, I lose!

J: Do you search for yourself online?

Kami: I do. *everyone laughs* ..and whenever I do its only ever those things that come up.

J: Ah of course...Kami, you have an exceptionally good handle on social media  dont you?

T: He's great

Kami: Ive got a good handle on it.

J: Do you use an iphone?

Kami: I have two.

J: God has two iphones! Thats brilliant.

Kami: Yep, I have two...im not allowed to use them while im working.

T: Does he have a contract? With his address and such?

J: I can't tell whether he's great, or whether he's not so great...

Kami: If i care, I lose...I prefer them to hate me, rather than to be indifferent to me.

K: Kami, what do you think about playing computer games for one hour?

Kami: If the kid is good at it, they should keep doing it.

T: I see, i see.

J: Ohh not sure about that. That seems a bit out.

Kami: No, i really think so. Skilled kids can carry on playing.

K: Should unskilled ones give up?

Kami: Yes, they shouldn't do it...When they play all day, and they just can't clear the level..that kind of kid.

K: Its a waste of time right?

Kami: Exactly, its a waste.

J: They should do something else?

Kami: Yes

K: You should quit if you have no talent for it?

Kami: Yes, yes, its talent.

J: Well, just getting off a nightshift must be tiring.

K: For us too, you know, we should try not to say 'stop it' too quickly...we have to keep it interesting.

Kami: It was interesting though, I was listening.

T: Oh thank you.

Kami: But don't tell lies about me.

T: If you thought it was interesting, you should write about it on your social media.

Kami: Yeh, everyone pretends on social media anyway, they won't know its me.

K: Well, that was the first episode of 'The Freedom of Expression' but, should I ask how it was..? *laughs*

J: But, being together again after a while was refreshing..

K,T: Yes, thats right

T: Im happy.

J: So am I.

K: Well, so we started in this vein....Tune in next time to see how it goes.  So this time, only this camera, theres nothing here *gestures behind*, but if lots of people watch, we could go different places, increase our cameras. I still don't know about your fee, Joe.

J: Eh?! What do you mean? It says here my fee will stay the same!

K: I might have to lower it *laughs*

J: *coughs* You're only lowering mine?...But everyone please subscribe.

K: Yes please. Please look forward to next time. Thank you very much.

1* They are saying 'How about this?' in a Kansai accent, how to translate that??

[wordsbyt]

That time I sat down with God and the Devil, and asked them the real questions.

Interview With God and the Devil

Part 4

Heading home after this interview, I felt very relaxed. When they asked me the questions they did, the words just flowed out. It was as if everything was rehearsed. So easy were the answers that I was shocked by them. I mean, I knew what I wanted to say, but usually don’t have the words at the ready.

Now, I need to plan for the grand finale.

The final sit down with the “Big Two”.

And I’ll be up all night thinking on this one.

Driving to meet them, I’m working up something special. The questions still not coming easy, but, what I have may work fine. As I walk in, both are there already. I still haven’t figured out their transportation. It seems they appear out of thin air.....

I sit down. “Good morning you two”, I greet them with.

“It’s a splendid day, Timmy” says the devil. He is one of the few that still calls me that, but it’s fine really. Apparently, he’s known me for a while. Hmmmmm. Maybe that’s NOT okay?

“How are you today Tim?” God asks. Her voice is soothing as usual.

“I’m great!” I answer. I have to admit, I am a bit smitten with her. She looks like a cross between J-lo and Salma Hayek. Dark hair, tanned, beautiful.

“Anybody want dessert? It’s on me.” I say.

The devil pipes up, “I’ll have the apple pie with the caramel icing. That has been tempting me all week!”

God says “only coffee for me.” “I am trying to watch my figure.”

And I think to myself, do I say that her figure is just about perfect? Would that be rude? Harassing? Should I even comment?

But before I have a chance, the devil says, “Girl, eat some pie! Your figure is perfect!”

A compliment? Or sexual harassment? I don’t think he cares.

She responds “well, thank you. I have been working hard. It gets tougher when you get older. And I, am old as time itself!” Then she laughs.

He mumbles something lewd, but we let that go.

“My first question today is for the devil,” I say quickly. “Do you ever do good deeds? Anything that would seem fair and honest?”

“Of course,” he says. “After all, what is good and what is bad? I think most times it’s a matter of opinion. Who’s to say what I do is bad? I just expose people that will do those bad things. I tempt. But I have never made anyone do anything. I have never threatened. I just tempt. Is that bad? Maybe.”

Then he adds, “I didn’t create these things, I just expose these things.”

“Surely by now you see I’m not a bad guy?”

And I thought, “he really doesn’t seem bad.”

But Rick and Cal didn’t either.......at first.

“Next question is for God” I proceed. “This world seems to be in a dump right now. Can we be certain things will get better? Is their hope for humanity?”

“Yes Tim, yes there is hope” she says in a voice that is calm and reassuring. “Yes.” “There is light at the end of the tunnel. Good days will come for those who wait. Patience is the key. I know that sometimes the only things you hear are bad news, but trust me, there is plenty of good in this world. It just isn’t sexy. So you don’t find out about the person that picks up the fallen. Only the one who knocks them down. With the era of mass communication came the era of mass miscommunication. It’s too bad. Simpler times seemed better, but they weren’t really. People just tended to their own business. And it felt better.”

“Know this Tim,” she adds.

“Every rain cloud only holds a certain amount of water. The sun will shine again. Every tear will dry, and a smile will replace it. Bad days and bad moments, they too will pass. Ebbs and flows.”

I felt a weight lift inside me. And God said sexy.

“Now both” I say. “A question for both, because you two probably have different takes on this. Evolution. Or creation? What really happened?”

The devil leans in “monkey to man? The creation stuff is pure bullshit. Now I realize a seed or two was planted. But, men are animals. Pure and simple. If it wasn’t for opposing thumbs, pigs would rule the world.”

“He’s right to a degree. Of course the planet has evolved. But, an intersession was done to create humans. A higher being was created by giving a spark of reasoning and problem solving aptitude to Adam and Eve. That’s where the creation angle came in. It took longer than seven days though. That’s a great story, but not accurate.”

She went on to say, “I know the church wants you to buy the creation story, but those guys are selfish. They want you to believe in them only. The world is a miracle. I created her, and she created many things herself. One of the creations is a mind that can decide for itself. Use that. Don’t believe everything you see and hear. Explore and discover. The world can be your creation.”

So the time was getting near. Final questions. Final thoughts. Final words.

And that’s how I term it.

“Final words?” “Lucifer first”, I ask.

“Well, I just want people to realize, I am not as bad as they say I am. Sure, I’ve done some bad stuff, maybe a little more than bad. But I am not a monster. I give people a choice. I don’t jump out of closets, or walk down dark hallways in nuns outfits. I am a clear temptation. You see me coming a mile away. And some people wave me in. Again, I just expose what was already there. A trait that is inside nearly everyone. We all can be tempted. We all will be tempted. But will we all act on that temptation? Just remember, everything is fixed, and you can’t change it. So, I don’t know. I’ve been doing this a long time. I’m never surprised anymore.”

“Thank you”, I say. “It’s actually been a pleasure to see you so soon, although I hope it may be never again!”

We both laugh. Like I told you, he’s cool.

“Maybe we will Timmy boy, maybe we won’t”, he laughs.

“How about you God? Last words?” I ask.

“Everything I could say, has been said before. Or wrote down. But I will say I hope my message gets out. The message of hope. Hope in yourself and in humanity. The message of righteousness. The message of clarity, and belief. This is a good world. You are good inherently. I made you that way. Believe that. I visit here often, so I am always with you. Know that. Feel my presence when you feel that cool breeze on a hot day. Hear a laugh. Smell your favorite flower. Always with you. You are never alone.”

“Do these things. Keep your opinion to yourself. Help someone that can’t help you back. Give a little. Time, money, a hand, whatever. Mind your own business. And, for God’s sake, treat others how you want to be treated. It’s that simple.”

And with that, we were done.

“Thank you both so much”, I said. “You have no idea what this means to me.”

“Speaking for both of us”, the devil says, “Yes we do”.

He goes on, “Timmy boy, it’s been real.”

I smile.

God says “see you later.”

Does that mean......I made it?

We’ll see. We’ll see.