#my girl is 16 enslaved and scared

[bakedcrossaintt]

is anyone else so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sad about beta or is that just me

[jk-kiwi]

Warmth of December

Warmth of December (18+) Characters - Sergeant JK x Y/N reader (women) Genre - slow burn (?), strangers to lovers, basically everything is war themed, the story takes place in old time but is not an accurate representation of real life events, pretty much an old mentality on how things should be and about how people should act, THIS is fiction.  

Summary - Everyone wants a chance at freedom once a brutal war starts taking place, this also means that taking risks and dangerous paths is part of it. But what would you do when a chance for survival appears before you? Will you reach out and take it? Warnings - war stuff (blood, death, mentions bad things done to women, weapons and fights, etc.), angst, drama, fluff, fictional characters, 5 years age gap (20/25), older Jk, suggestive/smut, Jk is kinda cocky/arrogant and sometimes a jerk, he gets better after a while and becomes a total sweetheart, Jk hits a women once (not you), mentions of enslavement, women are kinda treated like objects that have no function other than being obedient housewives that must listen to their husband, mention of chastity/virginity, a lot of mixed feelings, mentions of pregnancy.

MINORS PLEASE STAY AWAY! Warnings for the not so holy parts (18+) - they get naked in front of each other without doing it, mentions of soft and hard manhood as well as female parts, reader is inexperienced, they take things slow at first, it’s consensual, I won’t detail what I’m about to write because I’m embarrassed so read at your own risk, no heavy/crazy stuff though I think, they do it 3 times along the story, has some other suggestive parts. X<

Author’s note - Y/L/N Y/N stands for your first and last name. Also, NEVER in my life have I written smut, first time (probably last) don’t come for me if it’s bad, please. BTW It’s been a while since I’ve written something, this is also the longest one I've ever wrote. If there are any mistakes please let me know!

Enjoy!  Word count - 19k

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30 August 1955

“Keep quiet!” Poor heart beating out of your chest.

Step by step and you were almost out of this hell hole. You started clenching your long skirt tighter while the other three girls were following tightly through the thick blanket of rusty leaves. Escaping through the forest was not an easy task, especially for young women and since this damned war has started, more and more people seek liberty and justice. 

But it’s not that easy to seek freedom.

Around every corner you can find soldiers waiting to attack, and once you get caught by one of them, it’s game over. Dragged in a hidden place, if not taken right there and then for their own sick pleasure, losing all hope of a good life and just succumbing to the dark and shameful path you will have to live, if they pity you enough to let you do so.  

Every person wants a chance at freedom after all, right?  And because of this you are forced to take the risk. Either make it safe over the border, through the woods and get to a small town where you can start your life all over, or fall into the hands of the devil himself.  “I’m scared…” The youngest one of us, Mai, says, tears pooling in her eyes. At only 16 years old she’s forced to take such harsh decisions in order to gain safety. 

“Calm down, if you make too much noise we will get caught, that’s what you should be truly scared about.” Yun-Mi tries to reassure her, hoping she will calm down and not get us in trouble. With cold hands you push the bushes in front of our faces and look over to the hill we have to go across. Over the sun covered land we can see the thick border of trees, that’s it! That’s the last part we have to cross. After days of hiding and countless sleepless nights of looking around, we have finally made it.

”That’s it, right Y/N? That’s the border.” Jia, the oldest one exclaims in eagerness. “Yes, after that…we are finally free.” You can say, slight uneasiness crawling into your head, almost like you could predict something bad was going to happen. The three girls smile and hug each other, happy that they finally can get away from what the war has brought. “Let’s go then, what are we waiting for?!”

Oh, only if it was that easy. Perhaps this was the hardest part of all, beside the fact that this area was the most watched over because many attempted to cross over, the emptiness of the hill made the perfect chance of being spotted.

“Let’s go by the tree line, it’s much safer.” With a plan set, You try to take the lead.

Safe to say, the place looked deserted, the sun was almost setting and the only thing you could hear was the gentle sound of the wind. It was dangerous, luring people with its quiet demeanor, thinking you are safe until you wake up on the ground with a gushing gunshot wound and one or more soldiers on top of your body. With slow and steady steps the four of you go along the tree line, skirts raised above the knee level. If the nuns at church you used to live all these years would see, they for sure would pass out. 

“It seems clear.” Jia point’s out, looking around. And so you thought, until your head turned to look through the thick tree trunks, scanning the area below. In a split second making eye contact with a guy who was down at the river, he was watching you. 

Your blood ran cold, his head turned sideways, almost confused like, wondering if his mind was playing tricks. But when you saw him take his rifle out looking through the scope to confirm that what was happening was, in fact, the horrifying truth you will be living. “Get on the ground.” You managed to mutter when you saw him signal to someone while taking better aim, a horrifying grin spread across his face. 

“What?” The others ask. Your cold hands grab Mai by the shoulder, pulling her down with you, while yelling at the other two. “Get on the ground, now!” With your head down the only thing you could hear was a deafening shot. Looking back you see Jia holding her arm, bright red liquid staining the white fabric of her dress. All four of you fall to the ground, screaming and crying, finally grasping the situation. 

You try to keep composure, to look for a place to hide, but you were like a lost bunny that just fell into their prey's trap.

Dragging Mai away, Yun-Mi helping Jia follow, even though she screamed in pain and wiggled in shock. Looking around you try to find the best spot to hide, already hearing their footsteps getting closer. Still, you had some time to try and get away. 

“There!” you point at the overgrown bushes and piles of dead leaves and branches. They for sure will think you ran away and not look through the debris. So you get close, Yun-Mi stuffs Jia’s mouth with her apron to try to stop her screaming. 

“Keep quiet! They're going to catch us!” she manages to whisper, the girl nods and swallows the fear and pain she feels knowing this is the only chance for survival. And then you see one, pretty tall and muscular, a dark green hat covering his eyes, weapon in hand looking ready to strike anytime, clearly a soldier. Close to him another wonders, looking around cautiously trying to think of your steps.

You cuddle closer, hiding away in the leaves, eyes shutting tight holding your breaths. 

The two boys go down the path, while a surprising third goes up the hill towards the borders to check. That’s it, that’s our end. Knowing you are close they will continue to search until they find you, and then, God forbid, what’s going to happen. You try to think of a strategy, head running wild with possible solutions, in your madness I barely notice Yun-Mi’s hand tagging lightly on your skirt. “Y/N…” she whispers and then gulps. And so you open your eyes to see another pair in front, big and dark eyes scanning you like a predator. You reach under your dirty apron and slowly pull out the emergency knife you carried all this way, pointing it in his direction. He chuckles and tilts his head, amused by your bold reaction.

“Leave us alone!” You say, seeing his tongue pushing the inside of his cheek, his gaze still curious, but instead of doing something the only thing does is look around for his mates. 

That’s our chance! 

In an instant you try to launch at him and hit with the knife. With one hand he catches your arm, making the knife hit the ground. 

You wince in pain and he does not stop his actions, one of his knees presses over the knife while he maneuvers you around, your face hitting the ground roughly. 

You try to resist, but he catches your other hand and straddles your back making you unable to move under his heavy weight. 

“Get away from her!” Mai tries to come closer to hit him but his hands are quick, taking his pistol and pointing in her direction. “Have any other surprises left in you, pretty girl?” He says, hands starting to wander under my apron searching for other potential weapons making you feel disgusted. 

Though in fear, Yun-Mi drags her shaking body over, begging the man on her knees, her voice soft. “Please, I beg you, let her go!” The others crying too, probably aware of what was about to happen, seeing their fate being sealed through what was happening to you. “I have no intention of doing that, but I must say, you are some brave girls. Going around all this road for a chance to escape, on your own? No other man? Just four young girls.” He laughs a little, chilling your bones.

“Must say you have a lot of balls. You know what happens to people like you, right? If not, then I can only warn…not nice things.” He rises a bit, letting go of your arms, pistol pointed at the back of your head. “Turn around, I want to see your face.” You obey and turn around, the man still on top of you, his eyes boring along your body making you avoid his gaze.

“Hmm, not bad. How old are you? 18, 19?” Rough hand comes in contact with your face wiping the debris that got stuck before gripping at your jaw, turning your head to look at him.

“I asked you a question, therefore you should respond. Aren’t you in a bad position? Why are you making stuff harder for yourself?”. “I’ve just turned 20.” You spit through clenched teeth.  

He hums, seeming satisfied with the response. In a flash he gets off of you, putting his pistol back in his carrier, taking my knife from the grass. Quick footsteps being heard in the distance. 

“Sergeant! Have you found them?! We lost track!” An older guy approaches you. “Yes, four of them, pretty young. All girls by the way.” He says boringly. 

“Oh my! They really are pretty. What a delight.” Three other guys gather from behind, eyes praying over you, their faces plastered with sinister grins. “So, what do we do with them, sergeant?” asks another impatiently, hoping to get a green card for some potential hideous actions. The guy who found you, despite his appearance, looked to be the youngest, but also seems to be the leader. 

His body was pretty muscular, black hair almost covering his eyes, one of his hands covered in tattoos. He looked at you and caught your gaze again. You can see how his hand dips in his military jacket, searching for something before responding to his mates. 

“To be honest, we should follow the rules, right? All that are caught are enslaved, no other funny businesses." The three whine but obey his orders. 

His body crouches to your level, putting the knife under your chin making you gasp and close your eyes.”But I feel a little pleased with today's catch. To see such young women trying to fight for their lives in such a brutal world, tsk tsk, truly a pity.” He pushes the knife upwards, making you tilt your head with it. 

“Who wants to live from here?” He says delighted, devious plan coming together in his mind. 

Is he a sadist or what? Playing with your feelings for his own pleasure, enjoying seeing you suffer and making you beg for him to let you live?

The three girls start begging, even Jia, who’s body became pale from all the blood loss, raises her hands to pray for forgiveness in front of the soldiers. So you do what seems the best option, you wrap your hands around his one that holds the knife, pressing lightly, but enough feeling a warm droplet of blood drip down. “Would you look at that?” He doesn't even flinch, but you could see his muscles contracting in trying to hold the knife steady. “Let go. Do you want to die?” His face was stern, but amusement was growing behind his facade. “Yes, I would rather die than get dragged to who knows where, letting man touch and spoil me over and over like a slave. I refuse to go to that hell, so kill me.” He snatches the knife away, your head hitting his knee from lack of balance. You could hear his laugh seeing how pathetic you are in front of him. “You know…I really like you, very bold.” He gets up from the ground, his hand throws the thing he searched from under his jacket in your lap. You take it in your hands, it was a cold, shiny and silvery tag. It reads “Sergeant” on one side, with a few stars engraved showing his status, on the other side it’s only what I can figure it’s his name “Jeon Jungkook”. You look up at him, hands holding the cold chain, already knowing what it meant. He smiles cockily at you.

“Congratulations! I think you can call yourself a lucky lady, you know. If you think the place I was supposed to shove you was hell, then what can I say baby, I guess I just brought you back to heaven.” He says delightedly, before signaling his man to take your friends. 

You can hear them screaming and crying, trying desperately to free the grip these devils had on them. You bow your head down, refusing to witness the grotesque scene unfolding in front of your eyes. Jungkook comes over and with one arm he snatches you from the ground. “You need to wear it sweetheart, people will grow suspicious otherwise.” He puts the necklace over your head, sealing your faith as well. “Let’s go.” He says while dragging you with him, from now on his property to mess with. You tried to feel even in the slightest relieved, you were given a chance at a new life after all, right? 

The silver military pendant is only given as a token of proof for married women with high military men, showing their status and letting others know not to mess with them. But why did this feel different? Why you?

“I should be happier.”, that’s what you told yourself…happier that you lost your friends? Or that you are at the hand of such a man, someone you don’t know, that could use you like a puppet whenever he wants? 

You should've just taken the chance and stabbed yourself right there and then, only if you weren't such a coward. In the end, you just followed him around like a lost puppy, letting him drag you where he wanted, your body and soul now his to play with. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Shortly you two arrived at what seems to be a military camp, night already setting in. Your friends, nowhere to be found. 

The guy presumably named Jungkook took you to one of the tents, his by the looks of it. 

“We will leave tomorrow morning, I will show you where to wash up and I will bring you some clothes to wear.” He took off his jacket and boots laying back on the singular bed while you stayed close to the entrance, like a lost lamb. “Why are you doing this to me?” You ask quietly, breaking the silence, your eyes staring at the ground. Jungkook only sighed, didn't even bother to look your way. “You said you don’t want to go there, didn’t you? I fulfilled your wishes so be happy. You are not there, are you?” You didn’t know what to say or do, why did he even want to do this in the first place, it didn’t make any sense. “It does not make sense to me. Do you save all types of girls this way? If so, why not my friends too.” Now his attention was full on you, he sat up and looked at your figure. 

“Are you always such a pain? You got it better than the others, I gave you my tag, you get to marry a high rank military man, everyone is happy!” 

I scoff “I am not! I don’t understand your reasoning in wanting to marry me in the first place, I am just a low commoner that is basically a run-away! Why did you decide to save me and where did your men take my friends!” I ask authoritatively.  Jungkook groans, throwing his head back. “You really are a pain! If I knew I would’ve never taken you, maybe the crybaby would’ve been better.” He mutters the last part, but you hear it anyway. “I don’t need a reason to do this, I just wanted to. End of discussion.” He says making you look away annoyed. 

You see him get up, his body coming closer to yours. 

“Also, you better not tell a soul about this. If they ask, I just found you in a village and took you over because I fell in love with you, understood?” His presence was scary all of a sudden. Tall frame hovering over yours, dark eyes staring dangerously. 

“I saved you, so you owe me. If you say you wanted to cross the border and I took you in out of pity, or anything else that will bring trouble to me…then I will not hesitate to send you to a place worse than hell itself.”

You gulped even though your throat felt dry, he was intimidating.

“Those girls are not your friends anymore, we don’t speak of them, and if you want to live good then you follow what I say and are obedient to my words, understood?” His hand comes over to grab your cheek, not as rough as before, but with much more authority. You can only comply under his underwhelming presence. 

“Understood…” And with that he grabs your hand and a set of clothes, taking you to where the shower area is. 

… “So what do you think, prestigious?” He asks while you look around scanning the area. It was not much, but decent enough. It felt more like a communal shower than the prestigious luxury he was talking about. A simple room with a few shower heads and walls for a bit of privacy.

“You can shower wherever, the water is a little cold, but it’s still August, you should be fine.” And so you go behind the wall, slowly starting to undress. That is until you hear a whistle from behind the wall. 

“Why are you still here?!” You ask in horror only to make him laugh in response, already enjoying the situation. “I can’t let you THAT alone, what if you run away?”. “Don’t worry though, I promise I won’t peek, I’ll have all the time in the world to gush over your body.” He says suavely, making you gasp 

“I can’t do this like that! I am a woman after all, what about my chastity? Have a little decency!” You say in rage “And how can you even say such lewd words!”

“Relax, I will just stay here. I won’t just barge in like an animal. Plus isn’t it better? What if someone else decides to come and shower? You’ll be my wife soon, I will have to carve their eyes out if they see it before I do.” You were disgusted to say the least, such unscrupulous man. You sigh and with the little patience you had you decided that maybe it was for the best and just went with it. Jungkook seemed to keep his promise, every now and then your head peeking to look at what was he doing. 

He was leaning on the wall, arms crossed over his chest and eyes closed, he seemed tired. The peace around you was nice, but part of you was also longing for some discussion. 

After all, he was the first person to talk after all this time, of course, other than your now “not to speak of” friends. 

So you decided to break that silence and try to get to know him a little. “So, I should get to know you a little, I think.” Jungkook only hummed. “Jeon Jungkook is your name, as I recall from the tag, also a sergeant?” 

“Yup, I am him in flesh and bones.” “How old are you?” “24, 25 soon.” He was pretty stiff with his answers, but at least you hoped he responded honestly to your questions. 

You tried to think of some more stuff to ask, but Jungkook beat you to it. “How about you, I responded to all your questions, but I don’t even know your name.” “My name is Y/L/N Y/N” you tell him. “Pretty name.” He adds.

“So…Y/N, where are you from and why did you decide on doing these things?” You close the water and grab the towel Jungkook prepared. 

Sitting deep in thoughts while drying your hair, the bathroom became quiet.

 “It’s fine if you don’t want to say, I was just curious.” You can hear him taking a big breath of air before his steps start taking towards the door, he was leaving. “From a small village in the south.” You bluntly say, making the man stop in his tracks, his back facing you.

“I don’t have a family if you’re wondering, I grew up in the church. I wanted a better life since there was only misery there, that’s why I left.” 

You see the boy turn around, his eyes scanning your body, only wrapped in the towel, small droplets of water falling from your hair to the ground.

“It’s not polite to look at a girl like this, I didn’t wear my clothes yet so please just turn back around.” Embarrassment and shyness take over when you feel his deep stare, never being watched as exposed as now. 

He complies however, turning his body around, staying in front of the door, almost looking like he’s guarding it. 

“I see, so you are a church girl.” He snickers “I figured since I’ve seen you for the first time, the clothes gave it away pretty well, not to mention you look scared every time I get an inch closer.” “Is that a bad thing?” You ask. 

“Nope. Just so you know, I’m not exactly into practicing stuff like this, does not match my personality.” He says before exiting. Letting you put on the clothes Jungkook gave, most probably his.

“How did you become a sergeant at such young age?” You cautiously ask him while going back to the tent. “My dad is the general of the east side of the army, I worked hard to match his steps, but in the end I got stuck as a sergeant and was given my pluton.” 

The man opened the tent to let you enter, him following right after. 

“How are you not married yet? Especially having such a function and family, aren’t girls throwing themselves at you at any given chance?” Your bold question takes him by surprise.

“You became even bolder I see, already asking me personal stuff? Are you worried I have a wife and kids at home?” He asks cockily, making you look back at him with wide eyes.

Sure you have your doubts, but your thoughts were still pure, asking just to get to know him better. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think my question was intrusive. I wasn’t under any means doubting you!” I rush to say, my cheeks heating up making him chuckle again. 

“Don’t be so stiff, sugar, I was just playing around. Plus, you have the tag, don’t you, so no other women are involved.” He closes the tent letting behind him, inside only the small oil lamp give in some light.

Without care he starts pulling at his t-shirt, leaving his upper body exposed in your sight.  

Your eyes go wide, cheeks brighter than they were already, your hands fly up to cover up your vision. “Oh my lord! Have some decency, I am also here!” 

In the end you close your eyes and turn your back to him. However, when you can feel his muscular chest stick to your back you stiffen up. 

He leans down, his breath gently caressing your neck. “I wonder what are you going to do after we get married? Hide around and let me play catch with you, little one?” You gulp down, pressing your legs to the nightstand in front of you, his hands come from behind resting on the wooden surface, your face pure red now.

“You know…you’ll have duties to take care of as a wife, I am a man after all, I have my needs.” His lips brush ever so slightly to the side of your neck, leaving a lingering feeling on your soft skin. You never felt like this before.

“Jungkook…please” You breathlessly say while trying to get away from his hot embrace. But he only chuckles once again getting away from you. 

You can’t turn around, eyes fixed on the back of your hands while you can hear him taking his shirt on again and searching for a new set to wear. “I’ll go wash up too, go to sleep and don’t think of running away. This is my camp, I’ll find you.” 

And so he leaves. With shaky legs you lay on his bed. It smelled manly, a little bit like the forest, but it also had a sweet scent to it. Soon you get engulfed by the peace and quiet around, finally falling asleep in the comfort of his scent. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you woke up in the morning, Jungkook wasn't here. You can’t recall him entering the tent after he left for the shower nor getting close to you again. But soon enough his footsteps enter the confined space making you sit up. 

“Slept well?” He asked while starting to gather his stuff, putting everything into a big wood box. You just stared at him blankly trying to process everything happening. 

“I asked if you slept well, sugar.” That damned nickname again. “Yeah, I guess you could say so, better than caves and leaf beds.” He hums, pleased. “Then we should get going, people are waiting for us back in the city.” He throws next to you what seems to be your clothes, now washed and dried overnight.

You go out after you’re done and with Jungkook’s help you step for the first time in a car. 

You can see some men get in the front seats while others help boarding up all types of boxes and gear.

“Do we leave for good?” I ask looking outside the window “Do you want to live in the forest?” He says mockingly. “When I said you were lucky it wasn’t a joke, today we are supposed to swap places with another pluton, if you were to cross today, your fate wouldn’t be as lucky.” 

You didn’t know what to say after that, part of you wanted to let Jungkook know you are at least a little thankful for his acts, but your mind drifts to the thoughts of Mai, Yun-Mi and Jia. You hope they are safe.

Jungkook forbade you to talk about them, telling you that his man won’t dare to stand in front of him, let alone say something about what happened. And safe to say he ensured that if you were smart enough you would live a peaceful and decent life by his side, outside of ruins and misery. … Entering the city you were slightly mesmerized, it was not of luxury, but at least it wasn’t run down or bombarded like the place you came from. 

You stopped after a long ride in front of a pretty big house, with a beautiful front garden and even a fountain and a swing on the side. 

“We are here” Jungkook said, getting out of the car and helping you out, once again, showing a warmer side to you. “What is this place?” You asked, looking around, trying to take in every detail. 

“It’s my family’s house, let’s get inside.” But before you could take on, a lady’s screams could be heard.

“Jungkook, my days, you’re back!” The lady, looking young as well, with long and black hair flowing down her shoulders, beautiful clothes and even well done make-up jumped in his arms, hugging him tight, her lips coming in contact with his cheek.

“Hey! Long time no see!” Jungkook hugged back, bright smile on his face, and for the first time you felt weird, almost…small like. 

Yes, you only knew him for a day, but the fact that he wants to marry you out of the blue yet he’s having women jump him right when he arrives home makes you feel just a little strange, like you didn’t fit in the picture. “I thought you weren't coming back this month at how long it took! Did you eat well? You seem a little thinner than last time I saw you.” The woman lets go of him with one arm, starting to feel around his biceps for any muscle loss. Jungkook smiles even more, his head bowing a little, letting a giggle out. “I’m fine, Yuna, just tough business getting the best of me.” The girl named Yuna seems to finally notice my awkward presence, she tilts her head, eyes locking into mine, her smile disappearing quickly. “Who is she?” 

Finally the two part ways and Jungkook remembers that he also brought you along. “A shit, yes, You almost forgot.” He clears his throat scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment. 

Coming closer he is taking your hand in his. “Yuna, this is Y/N.” 

His hand brushes over your shoulder coming in contact with the metal chain that rests on the base of your neck, pulling from under your ragged clothes his military tag. 

Yuna’s eyes widen when she sees you wearing his necklace, her body stiffening. You can’t help but feel like an intruder under her burning gaze. She tries to put on a smile, forced by any means. “So, you’re getting married…” That’s the only thing that managed to come out of her mouth. Jungkook smiles at you and says breathlessly “Yeah.” 

What a play pretend…

“That’s…wonderful news! I kept wondering when this was going to happen, being away from me and home all the time, I knew you would find someone to take your heart. I am so happy for you two!” Tears almost started forming in her eyes, but probably you were the only one to notice since Jungkook only thanked her lightly and started going towards the house, with your hand in his.

… “Don’t worry about meeting my father, he might seem stern, but he’s not a bad guy.” He instructs you 

“Yes.” “And don’t think he won’t like you because you are not rich or something, I am pretty sure he will be happy to know I found someone to love, even though it’s just a facade for us.” He whispers the last part.

“Yes, sure.” You were out of it, mind going blank now that you were here. He gave a small squish to your hand trying to knock some courage into you and knocked on the door, entering with you behind. “General!” He saluted, letting go of your hand, and waited for what seemed an order. “It’s fine, son, you are dismissed for today!” He got up from the chair and came over to pat him on the back. 

“I heard you did very well at the border, less people managed to escape this month, good job.” He smiled warmly. 

“Thank you, father.” They engage in some conversation that you don’t really grasp.

Instead, you stare at the ground hearing how he is so praised for doing such “horrible” things. 

Yes, it was his job after all, you knew it already. But it still felt painful thinking of all the other people that didn’t manage to escape. They exchanged some more words before his father’s eyes laid on you, same questions addressed, same acts put up. 

You only smiled at him, being as polite as possible while staying in front of such a big figure in the community. “You’re getting married!” He exclaimed with a big smile on his face when Jungkook points at the dangling tag you wear. 

“Oh thank the lord! It was about time, Jungkook!” 

Both of you were pretty embarrassed to say the least, his dad was already making plans on when the wedding should take place, where you two should stay and how many grandchildren he wanted, but to your relief Jungkook cut him short.

“Next week father, no fancy stuff, no big parties, I just want to get it done fast.” And so his smile witheres. 

“But son, this is your wedding! You will only have one, it can’t just be like this, you are a general’s son and also a highly respected member of the community!” His father argued, definitely not pleased by his son’s roughness in handling such a “big” event.

“I don’t care, I just want it done fast, you know I am not the man to celebrate such stuff. I just want to focus on future work and…my wife.” His eyes met yours, they looked brighter at you, reassuring even, making you wonder why is he so good at pretending. 

“But how about her, Y/N is this what you also want?” Your future “husband” looked a little stressed when you were addressed with such questions, not knowing whether you will comply with his act or not.

Smiling bright, you chuckle before responding. “Yes, sir, if this is what my husband wants I will comply, I trust his decisions.” You could finally see his features softening a little, relieved and happy with your answer. 

“Then…it’s set. It might not be what I dreamed of for you, but if you are fine like this then I will ask the priest to officiate the ceremony next week and move you into an apartment downtown.”

He smiled at us one last time, exchanging a few more words with his son and making the arrangements for our future before letting some maids show me around. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

7 September 1955

The days have gone by quicker ever since you got into the city. You had a nice room where you stayed alone since Jungkook’s father said it’s immoral for the both of you to share the bed before being properly wed. The food was plenty and also the facilities were high quality, and the people around seemed decently kind.

The only downside, if you could call it like this, is you haven’t seen Jungkook as often since he’s apparently very busy all the time.

However, you had your chance at speaking with some of the people around his house, collecting crumbs about him and what he truly is like. 

The place was nice, and soon you started to feel much more at peace with the future life you were going to live, finding out that despite his appearance and inappropriate runny mouth, he was a well raised man. Right now you are standing in front of a mirror, dressed in a simplish white gown, hair and make-up perfectly done and a bouquet of white flowers in your hand. This was your big day, and looking back on what happened not long ago made you realize how much you've already changed.

After today you will not be a little kid anymore, you won’t need to run away or plan a better future. Still, everything is making you unsure, giving yourself away like this, for a man you barely knew made you just a little sad. “Are you ready? Oh my, how pretty you look!” In the time you spent at Jungkook’s house you managed to get along with an older lady, Miss Min, someone that knew him ever since he was a young child. 

You talked a little and bonded over tea and biscuits in the afternoon. She was the only one that really acknowledged your presence since Yuna only gave you stingy glares and huffed when you asked her little things, clearly not being fond of you, and the others only greeted and shied away knowing you will be a sergeant’s wife. “I think I am.” You said, going over the bottom of the dress once again, making sure there are no wrinkles and then taking a deep breath. Miss Min accompanied you to the church's door, where Jungkook’s father was waiting. Since you didn’t have any parental figure next to you, he took it upon himself to lead you to the altar. Inside the place was beautiful, there was some music playing in the background, and all of the people Jungkook knew were here, everyone was either a friend or relative to him. 

His father led you to him and you took his hand into yours. Looking around once again you felt alone. His smile was reassuring in a way, trying to calm your nerves down, but you just felt empty. The ceremony went over almost too fast, the priest said what he was supposed to say until now, the moment everyone was waiting for. “Do you, Jeon Jungkook, take Y/L/N Y/N to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?” 

“Yes!” 

And then he repeats his sentence, your eyes looking into Jungkook’s. Silence took over the place waiting for your response.

What should you do next? Say yes? If this was the answer, it felt wrong. 

You could feel a squish of your hands bring you back to where you are, the reality you are supposed to live, his eyes looking sternly while waiting for your answer letting you know that blowing your cover up now was not a good idea. “Yes.” And yes you say, people cheer, but there is no smile on your face. 

In other words, you feel like crying. 

Why were you doing this? Why are you marrying this man? The ceremony continues, vows are exchanged, vows that are fake, rings are exchanged, rings that just trap you into this unreal story, tied to a man you barely met.  “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”  And now a kiss. It was supposed to be the one you love to do this with you, to take these steps with you, but it’s not and so you close your eyes, a warm and soft pair of lips meet yours for the first time in your life, the saltiness of your tears taking away from how bitter everything feels. Everyone congratulates you, they are happy, and you, once again put on your facade and tell yourself to be grateful for what you have. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time flies and after the wedding you are in front of your new apartment, smiling and saying goodbye. 

And then you find yourself inside the living room and soon enough in the room you are supposed to share, looking dumbfounded at your now to call husband. “Take them off.” He demands, arms crossed. 

No way you’re doing this…like this! “Can’t you hear me? Take your clothes off, I want to see you.” 

Your face burns red, arms wrapped around yourself, gripping the soft fabric tighter around you. Your ears refuse to acknowledge his words.

“If you don’t then I will.” The man takes a step further and you run towards what is supposed to be the bathroom door…locked. 

“So you really want to play like this, I thought you would be more understanding.” Jungkook comes over,  his hands drag you over to the bed sitting on the edge with you in front of him.  “Take your clothes off.” Burning gaze almost rips the dress itself. There is no escape from this so you start peeling at your clothes under his stare.

First is the vail that falls from your head, next he helps you with the zipper and then there you are, all naked in front of him, hands trying to hide what’s left of your dignity. He doesn't seem satisfied however, arms still crossed, eyes still burning on your body. 

“Are you a virgin?” You look up to him in shock, eyes wide, blood rushing to your already red cheeks. 

Was this a way to shame you? Asking these types of vulgar questions, making you do such things in front of him. “Is this your way to humiliate me?” You ask, voice small. “Nope, not at all.” You feel tears burning into the corner of your eyes, arms bending even more trying to make you disappear. 

“Is this embarrassing to you?” He asks curiously. 

“Yes…” you say in a whisper, hoping to ease some of the shame he’s making you feel. 

The man gets up, still fully clothed, big hands push you gently on the bed. 

You close your eyes, expecting something to happen, but you only feel a cold piece of material being thrown over you, a blanket. 

You are looking back at him confused, wondering if he’s just playing with you or making fun of you, but when you see him take off his clothes as well, you start to panic a little, not knowing where to look. “There you go, are you feeling better now that we both are naked?” You can’t look at him, body burning up under the covers. If you could dig a hole and crawl into it you would do so. 

Once again you expect him to do something, but he goes out of the room leaving you naked on the bed. Maybe he’s crazy, you think, but when you see him return with a knife you get worried. “What are you doing with that?” Gulping you asked. “Well it’s clear you have no idea of what we are supposed to do, and, to be honest, you don’t even seem fond of having sex with me.” You gasp at the boldness of his words. “See, you can’t even bear to hear the word itself!” “Meanwhile, just the thought of doing it LIKE this, makes me uncomfortable. It can’t even get up, see?” And you look at his member then away once again, making Jungkook laugh. 

“How about the knife, what are you doing with it?” Your mind is still filled with worry.

“You see, everyone expects us to consummate the marriage, Nana Min will come tomorrow to clean up. But since we can’t right now, I need to make it believable. I will just snip my finger a little, they won’t know where the blood came from anyways.” You try to calm down, at least he’s not forcing you into stuff, it’s just that, it’s weird. Doing so much for something so fake, he’s really on the long run. With a small wince he cuts himself a little on his palm, letting a few drops of blood to stain the covers. “Done.” The boy wipes his hand with a spare cloth until the blood stops and then crawls into the bed, laying on his back. “Let’s just go to sleep.” 

You stay seated at the edge of the bed, covers still fully on you so Jungkook takes this as a sign to try and comfort you, finally feeling a little bad about the way he acted towards you. 

Gently, pulling you back, until you lay flat against the bed, he unwraps the cocoon you created around you and pulls the sheet over both of you, leaving a little space in the middle so your naked bodies don’t touch. “You’re worried?” He asks. “I am.” You respond, turning your back to him.

“We can talk if you want too, don’t be so closed around me, aren’t I your husband?” “Fake husband, Jungkook, everything about this is fake.” Jungkook hums. 

“Yes, but…it doesn't mean we can’t work it better.” He proposes. “What even is the purpose? You don’t love me and I don’t love you.” You say revolted. "Y/N. How can I explain this to you?” He sighs. 

“I know we don’t know each other, and this is a play pretend right now, but we can work it out, we just need some time?” “Time for what?” You sound defeated, and so you feel, especially everytime you’re standing in front of this man, if you can’t read him, how can you even get close to him later on?  

“For the fact that I’m not as unfond of you as you think.” He blurts out taking you by surprise. “What?” You turn to face him, letting him see your tears, his hand coming to your cheek to wipe them away. “Come on, do you really think I would go this far for someone I want nothing to do with? Getting married, saving you and what not? I can’t say I love you right now, I just met you. But…you seem nice and I won’t complain if I get to spend my time with you.” You scoff shoving his hands away.

“So you only saved me because…I seem nice?” You prop on your elbow and look at him. “Yeah, and fierce, and determined, not someone who will beg for her life like all the others do, you seem like a strong woman who actually wants to do something in her life.” He also props himself on his elbow, looking at you with soft eyes. “I could’ve just sent you there with the others, but something in me just decided to keep you, that’s why we are here.” A fresh new wave of tears threaten to fall from your eyes “So you want to tell me, that you only got me to this point because I was appealing to you, like…an easy catch?” You scoff once again. “Yes, shitty reason, but these are my valid feelings, and I’m sorry if they hurt you.” You could feel the anger bubbling in your veins and it wasn’t even for Jungkook. He thought you were just a nice piece of meat he could have, and he was right. You just fell into his den and now he can just devour you whenever he feels like, only because you were that dumb.

You offered yourself to him without a fight since that seemed to be the most profitable option for you back then. 

“You think I’m a jerk right?” Oh and so much more, but now this is the jerk you are stuck with.

“Yes, I do, a big one, thinking of me as just an object you could have.” “You’ll learn to love me one day. I don’t plan on getting away from you.” The sincerity his eyes hold just confirmed everything you needed to know and “Never.” was your answer, deep inside knowing that this was not how things will be. Those were the last words spoken that night, before a sigh left his lips, probably tired and unsure himself of all of this.

You turned around, body seated as far as possible from him, emotions running wild, letting only time say how this will unfold. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

22 December 1955

And time truly heals, at first it felt horrible, long days spent inside these walls, your husband being away, not like it mattered that much since you two were not making it easier for each other, being at each other's throats almost everyday. 

It’s been a month since you met, and then it’s been two, then three, and things started to calm down. 

And now you stay in front of your oven, almost end of December, eyes sparkling while looking at how beautifully the snowflakes fall from the sky before getting lost in the darkness of the night. 

The smell of baked cookies fills the apartment, maybe not as big as his father’s, but big enough for you two. 

Jungkook is not home yet, or so you think, but when you feel two strong arms wrapping around you from behind you can’t help but get startled. “Did I scare you bun?” His voice was gentle, his cold embracing slowly becoming filled with your warmth. Things did get better, and he was right. 

It took a while for him to pull at your heart strings, but once he started it was way too hard to stop. 

First, it was the nicknames, then he started to give you some of the space you needed to explore what you like, coming across your knitting hobby. 

He made sure you felt spoiled, always bringing back stuff so you could cook and bake for him since you were fond of homemade food, and he became fond of your cooking. 

He became more gentle and opened up about a lot of stuff to you, and slowly so did you. It was coming along nicely, you were both learning how to love each other. “What are you making?” He asked while sniffing the air. “Just some basic cookies, Christmas is right around the corner and I need to prepare. You said we are going to visit your father and I thought we could also bring some goods to him.”

He nozzles his nose on the side of your neck, a new stuff he likes to do to bring some butterflies in your stomach. “Did Nana Min come around today?” He asks while leaving a kiss on your cheek. “Yes, she did.” 

Ever since the first night here, lady Min made sure you two had great comfort, being his maid for so long already made things easier, and you don’t want to admit it but her presence did make you two get closer faster. “You smell nice.” His hands leave your waist and start getting dangerously low for your liking. Even though you two have been married for quite some time, you were still uneasy when Jungkook initiated things further than kissing, that also being a step taken very hard in your relationship.

He didn’t want to pressure you either, into doing something you possibly wouldn’t enjoy, but as he said once, he was a man and his needs started growing a little beyond the line, especially since you two started getting way closer. Stuff like intimacy was discussed before, he knew you didn’t have experience and you found out he lingered around sometimes, from having a few flings here and there to actually going to the more “exclusive” places of your times where you can pay for such services.

You were a little horrified to find about this, but he assured it was long in the past, just when his youth was kicking in, and it’s been years since he stopped going there. However, he did say he’s never gone with a virgin, so the doubts were still there, both of you felt them.

Your body rigids when his hands slips under your blouse. “Jungkook.” You try to warn him, but his mouth starts leaving small kisses to the side of your neck. 

“Relax baby.” And you try, until one of his hands slips under your bra, cupping your right breast. You whimper a little, eyes closing and only then Jungkook knows he’s gotten you right where he wanted once again. “Let’s go upstairs.” He stops the oven, leaving the cookies half baked, slowly guiding you to the bedroom. Hungry lips come in contact with yours even before entering the room, and you could feel that everything about this is different, but you don’t stop.

You learned now that he will never hurt you or go beyond something you don’t like, you just need to tell him and he’ll stop. “Can I take this off?” He asked since your bra straps were already going down your arms under your blouse. Jungkook’s hands were already toying with your breasts, yet he still was sweet enough to ask if he could remove your upper wear. 

“Yeah, please do so.” Your small voice was not uncertain yet, truth to be told, you’ve gone a few times through him groping and kissing on your body, more or less naked, but he never dared to touch beyond that, and you always made sure to stop him out of your own fears. With careful hands Jungkook takes off your blouse, unclasps your bra and lays you down on the bed, head right between the pillows. His lips trail down from your neck to your chest, stopping right above your breast before taking your nipple right on. He manages to rip a louder moan out of you, your back arching at the feeling making him grin. His hands help you out of your skirt, now only in your pair of panties in front of him, and when one of them starts to play with your underwear that’s when you let all of your insecurities take the better of you.

“Jungkook, stop.” You rise from the bed and try to avoid his gaze, you know he’s annoyed with your behavior, always stopping him before things become more serious, but he also realizes how scary this is for you. 

Your hands grip the sheets, eyes getting teary in frustration, a warm hand cups your face. “Look at me, Y/N.” Head turning slowly, soft dark brown eyes bore into yours. “We are never getting past this if you don’t trust me.” He says a little worried. “But I do trust you…I just…don’t trust me.” You sniffle and wipe the tear that just fell from your eye. The man in front of you giggles, he pulls his uniform off, leaving him only in his boxers and he rests his head on your shoulder leaving feathery kisses. “I told you I don’t care, good or bad I want you.”

You also rest your head on his shoulder, more tears wetting his skin in annoyment with yourself. “Will you be gentle with me?” He hums, wrapping his arms around your body, dragging you on his lap, letting you feel how hard he is for you. “I will go easy, and if you feel really bad just tell me to stop.” He lays you back eyes looking for reassurance before sliding your last piece of clothing off your body, and you give him the green after so long. Jungkook feels excitement bubbling inside him and he tries not to let his feelings get the best of him at this moment. 

“You look so pretty.” His palms start rubbing your legs up and down before parting them to look right where he wanted. One of your hands makes their way down quickly, but before you can hide away he takes your hand away making you whine. 

“Don’t look, please!” You say, embarrassment running through your veins “Then what am I supposed to do? I want to see it.” His comments always bold, making you bright red for him. “I have to touch you a little, you won’t be able to take it otherwise.” You bite your lips at his remark, already too embarrassed to say anything. You saw him, not once after that night, sometimes soft, sometimes hard, he was a lot. 

It worried you a little, however, his touch on your private parts made even the clearest part of your mind cloud. He touched lightly, playing with the bundle of nerves first, making you feel stuff you’ve never felt before, and then you felt it, one of his fingers, thick and slightly rough to the feeling, entering you. “Oh my God!” Your whole body contracted. It felt weird, not exactly bad, but weird, a new feeling. 

“Shhh, relax for me.” He made sure to kiss and caress you in such a way you wouldn’t feel the second going in just after. And slowly, you whimpered and squirmed around as he was pumping them in and out. 

“I don’t think I like this.” You say, a strange new feeling already developing inside of you. “You’re just close, don’t worry, you will feel better in a second.” He picked up his pace, thumb rubbing over your clit every time he pushed his fingers into you. “This is scary, please.” 

His lips reassure you a little when they make contact with your temple. “It’s going to be better, let it out, my soul.” And you overspill, all the emotions that bottled up spill right in that moment, a wave of pleasure washes over you making you almost scream. It takes you a minute to get down from the high you just had, your husband whispering how good you did for him while his hands leave your fluttering count. You close your eyes for a little until you hear some rustling around you. Jungkook is getting out of the bed, boxers still on hard cock threatening to escape out of them. 

“Where are you going?” You ask confused, awaken fast from the mind blowing pleasure you just felt. “I’ll run you a bath, I’ll be right back.” You rush to get up, hand managing to catch his.

“But why? Are we finished yet?” He smiles gently at you and pats your head. “You are a little overwhelmed right now, you just had your first ever orgasm, my love. Don't worry about me, if we go further it might be too much for you.” 

He tries to soften your grip and go but you hold even tighter. “No!” You jump out of the bed with wobbly legs, dragging him towards the bed and making him sit down on the edge. “You’re just working me up for nothing? I’ve been waiting for this and now that I have the courage you stop? What kind of man ar…” You try to revolt and anger him a little. And you also obtain what you want, he turns you around manhandling you, face in the sheets, his hard on pressing on your bum making you gasp. “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into, I won’t be able to stop if we continue.” 

You turn your head to the left looking up at him, eyes clouded. “Maybe I don’t want you to stop.” He growls a little, warning you. “This attitude you have! Y/N, I don’t want to hurt you in any way, it will just make this experience bad for you.” 

He lets go and you turn around. “Please, I want this.” You beg him to please your wishes making him sigh once again, head dropping, finally giving in to your desires. “Just…hit me if it hurts or I don’t stop.” He crawls back in bed, sitting once again on top of you, his hand slip his boxers off, knocking the breath out of your lungs when you see him stand so tall in front of you, hand gripping his hot cock, his eyes clouded by his own desires.

“Spread nicely for me, love.” And you do so, much more confidently this time, excited even. Jungkook looks down at you, seeing how small you look under him, a little unsure if he really wants to continue, but you seem so excited to finally let things happen, so he caves in. Pumping himself a few times he rubs up and down to collect some of your left over wetness, his hand guiding the tip at your entrance. “It will hurt .” He warns. “It’s fine, I trust you, Jungkook.” You whisper, making his heart skip a beat knowing that you trust him so much. He bites his lip and with a small nudge he pushes lightly past the ring of your entrance looking over for any reaction, anything and he will pull out instantly.

You seem quiet and calm so he gathers some more courage to push just a little further, just until his head is in, and then he looks over to you seeing the signs already, tears pulling in your eyes and fists lightly clumping his pillow. 

“I’ll stop.” “No!” You say once again, more determined to try new stuff with the man you are finally in love with. ‘But you are in pain, love.” He coos softly. “Just do it please, it’s not that bad.” Jungkook pushes further and further until he is almost fully in, his face comes closer to yours just to kiss your lips and face and soothe the pain away, letting you adjust to the new feeling, giving him a nudge when you feel ready.

“I’ll move now, tell me if it’s too much.” And he slowly pulls out, a few droplets of blood staining the sheets. You moan harshly when he pushes in again, this time fitting all of himself inside you. 

And he holds you through the pain until you start to claw at his back, more sounds coming out of the both of you. “It’s starting to feel good.” You breathlessly say while the man above you seems to have his mind almost out of this world. It doesn't take much for the feeling to start appearing once again, warm bubbles forming in your tummy. “I’m close.” You say calmly, knowing what’s about to happen. “Me too, baby.” Your husband whispers breathlessly.  

Jungkook’s starts being a little rough making you whine while your walls contract at the sudden peace. “It’s just me baby, relax for me.” He says making you melt in his embrace. 

In a second the bubbles burst making you arch your back, scratching Jungkook’s with your nails in the process. And soon you feel it, the sloppy pace, the trembling and the even warmer feeling within your walls. Maybe you were inexperienced, but you knew what this meant. “Jungkook, did you…” Both of you were trying to catch your breath. “I’m sorry…I came inside…I told you I can’t stop.” The boy was ashamed, not being careful could lead to greater consequences, and he, for sure, did not want to knock you up on the first night you shared your love. 

Slowly he pulls out, looking at the mess he’s made, saying sorry once again. “If I get pregnant, you’re in big trouble, mister.” You laugh a little pulling him down for a kiss. 

“But until then let’s wash you up, you must be tired.” He says picking you up and carrying you in the bathroom. Life just gets sweeter and sweeter from a point, that’s what everyone says. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4 March 1956 Thankfully you didn’t manage to get pregnant from your first try, or second, or third, and the many more that followed after. At a point you even wondered if it was possible for you to carry. But your husband was not worried, he always said “When’s the time, it will happen.” 

To be honest, you think he was just grateful he didn’t have to worry about protection. You were at Jungkook’s family house right now. He was on his border shift and whenever that would happen, you would stay over with his father and the others. 

Winter was finally over, flowers started to bloom again and the weather was pretty warm for the beginning of spring. 

You were waiting patiently, it was time for your husband to return and everyone waited eagerly ever since they heard this month, due to their skilled squad, nobody managed to pass the border. 

You got used to it by now, old events long forgotten, your mind and soul accepting Jungkook’s work more and more, after all it was also part of him. Playing with the chain of your silver necklace, rocking on the swing in the front garden, looking outside through the thick fence at the various people passing by. Humming gently while letting the breeze run through your locks, a surprised voice calling your name. “Y/N?” You look up, eyes widening in surprise, happiness washing over you at the sight of Yun-Mi. She looked ravaged, her clothes were pretty dirty and she had some visible bruises on her, not to mention the prominent belly she was carrying. You wanted to say hi, to ask her how she’s doing, what happened all this time, worried about how did she end up in this state, but before your body to make a move Jungkook’s words came up in your mind “Those girls are not your friends anymore, we don’t speak of them, and if you want to live good then you follow what I say and be obedient, understood?”So you stop, you can’t do this. You avert her gaze and slowly get off the swing, turning your back to her, feet rushing to get inside. You hear her scream, her hands open the gate running after you. “You can’t do this to me! Why are you pretending you don’t know me?!” “I don’t know you! Please leave, this is private property!” You look back, she’s struggling with all that’s going on, but you don’t stop. In front of the door Yuna appears out due to all the noise and screams. You look at her expecting to call some guards, or do something about the situation but she just sits there, a small grin plastering her face in satisfaction. Within seconds, you fall to the ground, your feet tripping over a stone. Yun-Mi’s body turns you around, getting her form on top of you, one of her hands gripping your hair while the other hits the arms that tries to cover your face. “Get off me!” You scream in pain. “How can you do this! Filthy bitch! You don’t know me anymore? You don’t want to know what I went through while you lived a good life?!” And she hits even harder, tears coming out, running on your face. You close your eyes expecting more, but the only thing you can hear is her yelping. With trembling hands you try to arrange your hair. Looking up, your eyes only see the very furious figure of your husband, his hands gripping Yun-Mi’s hands above her head. 

“How can this happen in my yard, on my property!” His soldiers drag Yun-Mi’s body out of the garden while she’s pulling up a rage fit, screaming insults. Jungkook doesn't look at you first, his eyes lay on the girl in front of his house, who’s now avoiding his gaze, his father coming out from behind her shock plastered on his face. 

“What is happening here?” He rushes over to see my state. Jungkook grits his teeth, heavy and fast steps taken towards Yuna, both me and his father turn around to watch him. His hand came in contact with her arm, pulling her towards him. “Why did you let this happen?” Yuna bows her head, avoiding his glance. “Yuna, I’m asking one more time. Why did you let this woman hurt my wife?”  She looks at him through her lashes, biting her lips, spitting venomous words between her teeth. “She deserves it for stealing you away from me.” Slap Her face turns to the side, eyes widening and tears gathering in them. The man shakily exhales, his hand running through his hair in anger. 

“If you ever let my wife get hurt and do nothing about it, I will throw you out on the streets. Remember who brought you here and be grateful, not a greedy bitch who wants a married man’s attention.” With a low, dark tone he tells her. He’s finally coming closer to you, his father scolds him for hitting a woman, but he doesn’t seem to care. He tries to be gentle with you, but you can see he's still full of rage. “Are you okay, my soul?” You shake the dust of your dress, brushing your hair back, collecting the few strands that fall. “Yeah, I’m fine, a bit scuffed, that’s all.” He sighs, helping you get up from the ground. “Let’s get you inside and clean your wounds, I have something to discuss with my father.” He takes your hand in his and helps you inside the house, passing by Yuna whose body was on the ground, shaking from all the crying. Lady Min took care of you while Jungkook and his father went into his office to discuss. It didn’t take long to hear the shouting and arguing, at a point even some glass smashing to the ground.

“Oh my, what is happening in there? Today is not a good day.” She bandages you with worry and by the time she is done your husband storms more enraged out of his father’s office. “Come on Y/N, we’re leaving.” Using your name surely startled you, after months of being used to praises, your name felt strange coming out of his mouth. “You are not doing as you please, Jungkook! This is not your decision to take!” His father screams while going after him. “You can’t make me stay, this is my life! I’m 25 for fuck’s sake! I am allowed to make my own decisions!” And with that his hand grabs yours, pulling you out of the house, and pushing you into the backseat of his car. 

His dad still screaming after his son, but he wouldn’t turn back. He buckles up into the driver’s seat and drives you home. … “Pack up, tonight I’m coming for you.” He said sternly after you two entered the house. “Jungkook, what’s happening? Where are we going? Why were you fighting with your father?” He pinches the bridge of his nose, annoyed. “Answer me, please.”  You could see him clench his fists. “Pack up I said! And don’t ask stupid questions!” He growls violently back at you. Startled by his anger, you bow your head and nod, a little scared by his actions. What was happening to him all of a sudden?  You wanted to have answers, to not be in the shadows, clearly he didn’t want you to know. But you could only wonder, did something bad happen? Your husband sighs and comes closer to you, pulling you into his embrace, finally trying to calm his nerves down. “I’m sorry, love, didn’t mean to scream at you. Just pack up and I’ll explain to you on the way.” He kisses your temple going out of the door and right back at the car, leaving you alone in the cold and empty house.

… Packing up was definitely a challenge for you since there were many things you had now and don’t know if you need, but after a few hours you think you finally have everything essential down. 

The sky is dark now, a car stops in front of your door, and one of Jungkook’s soldiers boards your items in the trunk. In the backseat, your husband reads over some documents, his eyes soften when he sees you enter, he is way calmer now. “Hey.” His hand comes in contact with your hair, brushing gently through it. “Hey” You respond with a small smile, hands fidgety. “I know you are confused, but don’t worry. I’ll explain everything to you.” And he does. He told you how some of his soldiers died in a border attack, and how he was tired of doing this work, always seeing his mates pass away. He put up a petition to move departments and work in city patrolling and other governmental work instead, and it got approved. 

Not by his father though, who taught he doesn't have to move away in another city and work with the government, that sparked the argument between the two. He insisted on his son staying close to home since the war was getting rougher with many more enemy squads were coming closer to habitable places, the borders being attacked more often. 

But Jungkook made his decision, he was a 25 years old man after all, he needed to think about his whereabouts more and also take into consideration all ways to keep you safe. 

And now there were you going, another city, another house, another life to live. Looking into the night, part of you was conflicted. You knew your husband only wanted the best for you and himself, but leaving behind all that he knew, friends and family, was this really a good decision?  Your thoughts were all over the place with everything that happened too. I guess you could say your husband noticed your worries since he took you into his embrace, cuddling you close to the heart that was now beating only for you, your eyes slowly closing while listening to it, letting go of your worries for tomorrow.

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21 July 1956 

Months have gone by fast in the new city. At first, accommodation was hard. You knew no one and making friends was not an option when Jungkook, a highly seen sergeant now working with the government, was your husband. 

The place was poorer than the one you lived in before, that’s why people avoided you, being commoners made them afraid to engage so they don’t end up in prison or enslavement. In this case you remained alone, now already used to the feeling. However, your husband was more often at home since his duties didn’t make him take so much time apart, mostly working in the place you are settled. This also makes it easier for you to get even more closer to each other, almost a year passed since your meeting. Dates occurring more often, just like right now.  The last few days it rained quite a bit, but now the weather is starting to warm up again, making it perfect for spending your time out. And after spending so much boring time in your house, you filled a little basket with goods, took a nice blanket and urged your husband to get out for your little picnic, it was his day off after all, he should enjoy it. “Come on, Jungkook! Be a little faster!” You found yourself on a little hill right outside the city, it was pretty similar to the one you had back home, but with a better view and not as dangerous. You let your basket down, hands spreading the blanket nicely between the taller grass and the pretty summer wildflowers. Your husband chuckles at your eagerness, his back laying on the blanket while watching you rummage through the goods. “I hope I didn’t forget anything at home.” His hands pat your back urging you to lay down next to him. “We will enjoy what you brought, honey. Just sit and enjoy for now.” You sigh and shoot him a glance, but quickly conform and lay next to him staring at the clouds in the sky. “There are many clouds today, I hope it won’t rain.” Jungkook hums next to you, closing his eyes, enjoying the summer breeze. “I want to do it.”  You sit up so fast, clearly taken aback by his words, making him grin. Sure, you learned the hard way that he is the type of man who gets what he wants when he wants it, but right now? “Are you serious? This is supposed to be a nice evening that we both enjoy!” You nag at him. “And we will both enjoy it, I promise.” His arms wrap around your waist, dragging his body closer, lips make contact to your clothed thigh. 

Your hands try to push him away, but he doesn’t budge. “Jungkook, not now! We are in the open eye and…and what if someone just stumbles across us doing inappropriate things? That’s only going to ruin your reputation and make me want to vanish from the face of earth!” You try to fight back but in vain, his hands push you down to lay back on the blanket, his body hovering above you. Your hands grip his biceps, trying to stop him from running your skirt upwards, but when his sweet lips melt on the side of your neck you loosen up a little, letting him do whatever he wants. Soon enough the skirt of your dress is ridden above your waist, panties long forgotten to the side. Jungkook smirks while looking at how wet and glistening you are. “I missed this, I’ve been so busy lately that I forgot how pretty you look.” You slap his hand lightly, being embarrassed. He hums thinking about something, while you just lay there expecting his touch. “Is everything alright?” You ask, a little worried when he doesn’t touch you. “I’m contemplating on what to do, my fingers are dirty so I can’t use them, and going without prepping you will hurt.” 

Oh…he was just so thoughtful that it just melted you. You wanted to tell him that he can just put it in, you’ll endure. But before you can say anything his lips come in contact with your warm clit. You gasp in shock, fingers already tangling in his hair to try and push him away. He’s never done this to you before.  “Oh my lord! What are you doing!” But he doesn't budge, he only sucks harder around your folds, making you lean your head back moaning loudly. One of his hands pushes you down before coming to spread your thighs even more. His lips and tongue working wonders on you, almost making you forget about everything around, but getting you so, so flustered by all the slurping and licking sounds that fly in the air. Soon you feel your high coming and when the tip of his tongue brushes past your entrance you lose it, a high pitched moan leaving your throat while stars start to appear in the day sky. You breathe heavily, chest running up and down, legs shaking. Jungkook emerges from the skirt that fell down over his heads, lips glossy and grin almost as big as his pride from making you come so fast. “I think you are prepared enough now.” He pulls your skirt back up, gripping your legs and putting them over his shoulders, almost folding you in half. 

“I don’t want to know where you learn all of these nasty things from.” You say, finally getting back to your senses, only for a short time though. He laughs and pushes in, his cock sliding in and bottoming out instantly at how well prepped you were. “Would you look at that?” He cockily says. It only took him a few seconds of accommodation before starting to thrust quickly into you, making your breast almost spill from the confinement of your top. His lips eagerly nudge at your neck, hands not letting your legs slip from his shoulders. “Don’t worry, sunflower, you were the first one to try this one, until today I only see it done by others.” He whispers in your ears, making you clench tightly around him. Your arms grab him by his neck, pulling him closer, sweet sounds pouring into his ears making him hiss. “I’m embarrassed right now, you always pull stunts like this.” He laughs wholeheartedly, peace never slowing down. 

He gets up from your chest, eyes staring lovingly into yours before he stretches upwards, making him go even deeper if possible, also taking a moan out of you when you feel his tip gently nudge your cervix. “You’re a little deep…” Your heart flutters, fingers gently caressing his face. You could feel so much love all around you. Feeling your second orgasm come close, you turn your head looking at the sky above. It felt like you were the only ones under it at this moment. “I’m close, love.” You say. Jungkook’s peace also starts to wither, getting close to his own high. “Me too, my soul.” In an instant the love blooms between you two, your bodies burning up with passion and desire, the knots untying letting you claim each other once again. Both of you breath heavily, sweat running down your foreheads. He doesn’t pull out, but his arm reaches above your head, pushing him a little deeper once again, making you whine.

He comes down quickly not to hurt you, placing a daisy in your messy hair. “My beautiful flower.” He whispers, rough hands caressing the soft skin of your face making you blush even more. He collapses on top of you, your legs falling off his shoulders, but still feeling a little uncomfortable from all the soreness that’s appearing.  “Can you pull out, please?” “Nope.” He raises his head smiling smugly. “I’m getting sore.” “Sorry baby, but I’m starting to get a little worried by now. It’s been a year yet you are still not pregnant, not that I’m eager for a child, but I wonder what’s happening here.” He smiles and pecks your lips quickly.

“So these are your worries now? Weren’t you the one who said when it’s time it will come?” You scoff. “But it’s been long, what if you can’t get pregnant?” 

You frown a little, baby talking was a pretty sensitive topic, especially after so much trial and error. You didn't think it would affect you in any way, you were still young and if it was to come you will be more than happy to welcome a little bundle of joy. 

Jungkook didn’t seem very fond of the idea of having a baby either in the beginning, always saying how he was too busy to care for one. However, you are a little hurt now. Giving him a child is a dream of yours, but if that doesn’t happen, is your relationship going to stay the same? Maybe he will leave you for someone else that can give him one. Worry and insecurity starts growing into your veins. “It hurts, can you please get off.” You start to wiggle and he finally complies, pulling out and wiping you clean with a napkin. “It hurts badly? Did I hurt you?” He also grows worried, pulling your leg to inspect whether he hurt you badly or not. “It seems just like any other time after we’ve done it? Where does it hurt?” He asks, concerned. 

“Here…” You point to your heart, hurt more by the thoughts of him possibly leaving you for someone else then the soreness between your legs. 

He takes your hand in his and looks over you with worry. “Why? Is it bad, do we need to see a doctor?” You shake your head sitting up. “Will you leave me?” He tilts his head holding your hand close to his chest. “Leave you, no. Why would you think that?” “Because I might not be able to bear your children.” You sniffle. He laughs and puts your palm under his shirt, right where his heart sits. “Do you feel this? It beats for you and you only. Even if we can’t have them, this, what I feel for you…will never fade away, trust me.” The sincerity in his eyes and words make you tear up, cuddling closer to his chest to listen to the way his heart beats. And you stay close, holding each other until the sun almost dies down, enjoying his presence and eating all the goods you made. Packing everything up, Jungkook helps you on your feet, hands grabbing the basket and blanket. Thick and dark clouds covering what’s left of the sun. “I think it will rain tonight.” “Yes, so do I, we better hurry. I’m already dirty and I don’t want to wash up in the rain.” With quick steps you get back to the city. Welcomed by agitation right from the beginning. You grasp Jungkook’s hand tight and stick closer to him. “What is happening?” He asks, concerned.

We make our way into the madness, the rain starting to pour all of a sudden. Nobody can say anything, they just wander around, running and gathering what seems to be their belongings. Are they leaving? With heavy steps and hearts you arrive in front of your house, a car filled with military men waiting in front. “Stay here.” Jungkook instructs you, leaving the basket in your hands and covering your head with the blanket. 

You try to get closer to hear what’s happening, but all that you can see is Jungkook’s worried eyes. He gulps thickly and turns to you for a brief second, finally letting you see his glossy eyes. Without a word he jumps in the car and leaves. You remain alone on the streets, clothes drenched, the wooden basket falling from your hands on the ground. You stare into nothingness not wanting to believe that he just left without an explanation after sharing so much love. After what seemed to be an eternity, your sore and cold body finally moves. With shaky hands you pick up all the food that spilled on the road, most of it washed by the rain. Unknowingly tears start running down your face. You gathered everything and went inside. It was warm, but you just felt cold. 

After you wash up and lay in bed you can finally let all your emotions run wild, painful sobs being heard around the room in hopes of someone hearing them.

All you could do was wait…wait for his answers, wait for him to return home.

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19 August 1956 It’s been almost a month. A month since Jungkook left and never returned. You waited for a sign, you waited for him to show up at your door and jump in your arms. You always told yourself that no apologies can make you forgive him for this, but the truth is that you only needed to see his eyes, to feel his warmth and you know you will forget anything that has happened. You tried getting answers, but nobody knew much. You asked other military man to drive you to where he was, knowing that they knew where he was, but in vain. You were stuck for almost a month in this city, living like a widow instead of a happy wife. But now you know, a soldier came into the city and you overheard him saying how General Jeon was on death bed due to being injured in an attack in the city, his son getting ready to take his place. You almost fainted out of shock, not wanting to believe that was the truth, the reason your husband left without a trace. With the little power you had, after being drained out for so long, you gathered some necessities and jumped in the first communal carrier that was passing through the old city you lived in. And there you were, after many hours spent on the road, feet planted in front of the Jeon family house. The look of the place now eerie due to the attack of the enemies. You step inside the big garden, once decorated with pretty flowers, now only dirt and mud covering the yard, even the swing was just a pile of broken wood. Getting closer to the door you could feel your feet soften, shaking hands come in contact with the door knob. You enter, the house seeming devoid of life. Putting the little suitcase you carried down you scan the place for any movements. From the corner of your eyes you could see Jungkook’s father's office with a slightly open door. Your feet take slowly towards it, peeking through the gap. A figure sits lonely in the chair, head resting on the desk. Your heart skips a beat when you notice the messy hair of someone you know very well, Jungkook. Slowly you make your way in admiring his sleepy figure after all this time. His eyes carried dark circles under them, tired by all the work he had to do. Your hand makes its way to his locks, now just a little longer than you remember, but just as soft. You can’t help but let out a sigh at the sight of him, slight pang growing in your heart. He must have felt your touch, stirring in his sleep until his eyes opened and looked at you. He is shocked, jumping from his chair, strengthening his posture looking like he’s just seen a ghost. 

“Long time no see.” It’s the only thing you can say after so long. You had so many questions you wanted to ask, but it was hard to form them. “Y/N…” He mutters, hands rubbing his eyes in confusion, wondering if you would disappear. But you are still here, yet too calm. 

“You came.” He says. “You left me.” You respond.

He avoids your gaze, conscious of his actions and behavior. “I had no choice, my father is sick, I had to return, and…” “Stop, Jungkook.” He looks up at you, goosebumps appearing on his skin from your stern voice. “I don’t want to hear your nonsense, you left me. Why did you leave me?” He puts his hand on his forehead, eyes closing, trying to think of something to say. “I didn’t leave you, this is temporary, I would’ve returned to you, I would’ve come back home.” He argues back.

“When? I waited for a sign from you for almost a month.” You sniffle, eyes burning with tears that threaten to fall, the feeling way too overwhelming. 

“I waited for a letter, or a call! Someone to just appear at my door with any information. Hell, anything would’ve done!” You spit out in a blurry rush, afraid that he might just disappear again, leaving you alone and cold.  

“But you? You just left me there without any care, to rot and die from missing you so goddamn much…” You try to swallow the boulder you feel in your throat, but nothing can stop the feelings who already overspiled. Jungkook turns his head, eyes getting teary as well. “I had no choice, Y/N. He’s dying...” “And so was I!” Your fist hits his desk, rage burning like the salty tears that run on your face. “I was dying little by little everyday! I lived with you being away because I knew you would return. But now…you left without a word, I was worried sick! I didn’t think I'd see you again!” You bite your lip, the pressure making it almost bleed. “Stay out of it.” Your shoulders slouch, figure softening at his words. “Go back home and stay out of it, Y/N.” He looks sternly at you, after all this time still pulling this stupid obedience game. You’ve had enough. “If you don’t want me here and just continue to push me away, throwing me into the shadows then so be it, but don’t expect me to welcome you into my house, or my bed, or my heart anymore.” You grip with cold hands the tag that you wore for almost a year. In a swift motion, take it down from your neck, making Jungkook widen his eyes. “Don’t you dare!” He says, voice shaking. “Screw you.” Your hands throw the tag on the floor, landing right at his feet, turning your back to him you run out of the room, forgetting about everything else. Jungkook's body is stiff as a stone, head trying ever so hard to process what just happened. He missed you, he missed you like crazy. He imagined in his head the way you two would meet again, the way he would make it up and make you forget that he was even away. 

He ached to have you in his arms, to feel your touch, to kiss your lips. Now all that he could do was grip the piece of cold metal in his hands, sobs leaving his body uncontrollably. 

A warm hand places itself on the crown of his head, hoping that this was not the end, that you came back and forgave him, that he didn’t just lose you forever. It was Lady Min, however. Her eyes soft and warm, holding so much pity for the boy she raised all these years. “Oh my Jungkook. My swell little boy.” She pats his head while he cries and sobs, just like she was doing when he was just a small boy. “I-I lost her. Right?” He says through hiccups making her sigh.

“You only lose something you don’t care about anymore, Jungkook.” Her hands wipe his tears and help him back on his feet. “You are a soldier yourself, young boy. Are you going to lose without a proper battle?” He wipes his tears and calms down, holding the chain tightly to his chest. “No. I don’t want to let this happen.” “Then what are you waiting for? You’ve surely made many mistakes, but we are all humans after all, it’s in our nature to make mistakes. Y/N is a sweet girl, she will forgive you.” Jungkook gets a little courage from her reassuring words. “Go after your girl, Jungook. Don’t let her break away from you.” He nods and rushes after you, hands holding the tag like his life depends on it. … Things were just as heavy for you, already regretting having such attitude towards your husband. It was getting late and you needed a place to stay, since your old apartment was most probably sold already. You sigh, trying to wipe the remaining tear stains of your face, until a hand grabs your arm. You turn away alarmed, sensing that coming your way was only trouble. A man. His uniform was one of a soldier, face grinning from ear to ear, making goosebumps appear on your skin, this guy ment danger. 

“What’s a pretty lady like you doing at such late hour? Should I accompany you home?” You gulp and try to take your arm out of his grip, keeping as well as you can composure. “I’m fine, my husband’s waiting for me.” You say trying to free up once again, hoping he gets the signal and leaves you alone, but instead, another guy makes its way towards you two. “Is there a problem here?” He asks, looking at the shorter guy in front of him. You look pleadingly, hoping that he will instruct the one in letting you go, but you are so wrong. “She’s alone at night, in such place, I figured I could help her get back home.” 

The other guy laughs and shakes his head. “It’s pretty late, you are right.” And then you see it, the nasty stares you get, the way his hand goes ever so slightly upper on your arm. “Let go of me, I am a married woman, if my husband finds out both of you will be killed.” You try to say confidently, after all it’s the truth. You just gave them a chance to not experience their eyes being carved out, because if he finds out they touched you, not even begging and praying would help. “Come on, don’t be so stiff, it’s just some fun we can have before you get home, doesn’t it sound tempting?” You shake your head, finally understanding their motives. The other hand moves to pull out Jungkook’s tag, only to touch nothing in return. 

You threw the tag at him. You start gulping harder, body tensing up and muscles starting to shake. “Let go of me, I am not joking, my husband is in high military, if he finds out you will be tortured!” The men only laugh, the second guy comes close to you, gripping your hands from the back, while the first one plays with the ties on your top. 

“Let’s see what we have here.” He says untying your top, your cleavage now on sight. “Let me go, this is your last chance!” You try to wiggle out, but it’s in vain, they are way stronger and bigger than you. His hands work fast, dragging your top low enough for your bra to be in full sight, his disgusting hands pull down your arm one strap. “Oh! So pretty, do you see this? Such a tasty dinner for us.” Tears fall once again while you still try to resist, the soldier's hand reaches to cup your breast through your bra, but it never touches it. Everything stops in time for a second and you look at his wrist, blood rushing, a huge hole in it. The soldier looks confused until the pain and shock starts to kick in and he falls to the ground. The other one lets you go, trying to run away but two more shots could be heard, and he falls to the ground with a wound on each leg. You cover your chest with your arms, looking in the distance to see your husband. Eyes burning red in anger, in his hand shining the piece of metal you needed back so much. 

He rushes over, putting his hands on your shoulders to examine whether you got hurt or not. You feel too ashamed to look at him, other men have touched and seen your body. His hands put your necklace back on, his jacket is gently placed over your shoulders. “It’s okay, sweetheart, I am here now.” He grabs your trembling body in his arms, caressing your head and back, shushing and calming you down. He grabs you even closer while some of his men appear at the scene, he made his whole pluton to look after you. 

“Sergeant! What’s your order?” The men salute him with respect. “Get them away and I don’t care what you do to them, just don't have mercy, they touched what’s mine.” He said through gritted teeth, a dangerous, dark look on his face. “Yes, sir!” They all comply and try to take the two who are crying and begging for their lives, but Jungkook doesn’t budge, he just holds you close to him until you get back to the house. … After he made absolutely sure you weren’t hurt, he let you take a bath, saying he wants to discuss once you are ready for bed. And he stayed truthful to his words this time. Entering the room also ready for bed, he comes closer to you letting his body rest. “We should talk.” You hum, turning your body away from him. “I know you are upset with me, and you have the right to be so. But I love you, Y/N, I would never want to do something as cruel as leaving you all by yourself. I should’ve explained myself first instead of just leaving like an idiot.” He comes closer to you wrapping his arms around your form from behind. You shy away at his touch. “Please, don’t hide from me, I’ve made mistakes, I know, but I am so, so sorry, forgive me.” He whispers, his nose buried in the back of your neck. You want to cry, and it’s not even for the reason he thinks, you feel disgusted about what happened. “I’m dirty now, right?” You ask biting your bottom lip. “Dirty? In what way?” He slowly asks. “They’ve seen and touched, I’m disgraceful.” you say while your hand presses the tag closer into your skin. Jungkook rests on his elbow and turns you around so you could lay on your back. Hi other hand cups gently your face. “You are not dirty nor disgraceful.” His hands caress your features gently. “Don’t feel that way, please.” “But they touched me, they almost saw me naked.” 

Jungkook leans down and kisses your eyes, then goes lower and lower, spilling praises along the way, his lips stopping at the nape of your neck. “If you really feel like this then how about you let me see and touch? I would make everything go away, my sun, you would only remember my eyes and lips on your pretty body after this, what do you think?” You look away and lightly tug at the top, loosening it for him to see and touch, and he complies. “That’s my girl.” His touch was gentle, cupping everything he could, kissing everywhere was skin.” 

It felt intimate, not lustfull or filled with desire, just intimate. His hands gently run up and down your waist while his mouth runs over every little crevice making you forget those two disgusting men even exist, imprinting only Jungkook’s lips and scent in your skin. “Are you better now? No more bad thoughts?” He asks, head resting on your chest. “Yes, and I also want to say sorry, I shouldn't have reacted like I did, it only led to trouble.” He smiles and kisses between your breasts once again, then looks up and also captures your lips in a slow and tangy kiss, something to remember. After your quick reunion, Jungkook tells you all that has happened in the city and with his father, and how the government wants him to take his father’s place and become a general. You listen to all his worries, you cry together and laugh together, sharing some love in between. You stay up all night just talking and catching up, and until dawn arrives he also reveals that you two have to move away again, in the countryside this time. They have a vacation house there, and since the enemy started getting closer and closer, it would be best for you to remain in a safer and unpopulated area. Even though not pleased with the plan, you comply, knowing that he only wants what’s best for you, and getting you hurt or potentially killed is not in any of his strategies.

After all that you fall into a deep slumber, entangled in each other’s warmth, even though both of your heads were clouded with worry, you at least have each other, and from now on without any run-aways. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

11 September 1956 After all that happened you wanted to stay and celebrate Jungkook’s 26th birthday, still hoping for some more time together, however, you were shortly after sent alone to the location of his vacation home. A beautiful, cozy house, with a big yard and a lake behind. It looked straight out of paradise. Jungkook kept sending you letters when he was away and couldn’t contact you on the landline, he promised to come and visit somewhere around mid september, before he will take on a dangerous mission, trying to annihilate all the enemy’s camps from your region.

You were scared to say the least. You were seeing him less and less and now he was about to go to war and fight for your region’s freedom. But you waited patiently, hoping that he will arrive soon so you can get a piece of his love once again. Possibly even the last, but you didn’t want to let those thoughts linger around your mind, he was a strong guy, you knew he could lead such missions with minimum damages done and high success rate. And so you waited, day after day, from sunrise till dusk. He promised you, and you knew he would come. Tonight was no special, September began warm in the beginning, but right now the cold started to settle more and more. It was just like you were feeling, the warmth you once felt was slowly losing its power, making you grow colder without him by your side. Putting one more log in the fireplace you sit down, eyes glaring into the open flames who burn hot and red. It’s quiet. But not even the quietness lasts long once you can hear a car stopping in front of your house, heart starting to beat faster, mind racing. He’s home.

With quick steps you rush to the door opening it, in front of you a tall figure, dressed in military attire, his smile bright when he sees your figure. You jump in his arms knowing he will catch you, and he does, even though outside was cold, his arms felt just as warm as ever. His lips even come in contact with yours, leaving a sweet feeling behind. “You came.” Voice barely a whisper, fighting back tears since you’ve cried too much lately. “I promised.” He also whispers to you, leading you both back inside, you still wrapped around in his arms. Once your feet were on the ground you could examine him, wondering if he’s eating properly, or taking care of him the way he always did. He looks almost the same, only his eyes seem a little tired, but they hold so many emotions that is easy to forget about it. “I can’t stay long.” He says, voice sweet but sad, you look down, staring at his feet. “You just came, now you have to leave?” You ask a little upset. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, tomorrow we set trace for the first camp. I wish I could've come sooner to spend some time with you, but I had so many things to take care of, they didn’t allow me to leave.” His hands caress your cheek, taking in that you were upset, making his heart swell with pain. But it was for the best, his duty is to keep the people safe, you being his first priority. 

And since the attacks started being more and more aggressive, his only choice was to send you away from population until he manages to take everything under control. “When will I see you again?” You ask, biting down the sobs that want to erupt. A war could take months if not years. Jungkook bites his bottom lip and looks away from you, his voice a whisper when he says “I don’t know…”. You fall on the rocking chair, head in your hands, breaking down in the end. He comes closer and kneels in front of you, resting his forehead on top of your head, breathing heavily while trying to surpass his own tears. “Please…just stay tonight.” You mutter, looking up at him with doe, teary eyes. “I can’t, love.” He tries to resist his desires to hold and love you. “You can leave in the morning, just stay tonight, please!.” You plead, and plead, begging him to hold you tight like your life depends on it. He swears and looks away, getting up from the ground and straight to the phone on your wall, finally giving in. He calls at his base to inform them he will be there first thing in the morning, but he can’t make it tonight. He turns to you giving a small smile. “You see the things you do to me? Didn’t I say a while ago to not bring me trouble?” You laugh and open your arms for him, not taking long to feel them wrap around you. “I wonder how you didn’t see I was trouble from the first time we met?” Your voice suave, enchanting even, luring him in even more. “Oh God, how I missed you.” He says leaving kisses down your neck. “Didn’t you say you weren’t a believer when we first met?” He grins at you unbuttoning your shirt, eyes never leaving yours, making you feel hotter than the fire burning next to you. “You start to believe a little when this is the woman you have next to you.” You laugh caressing his hair gently, looking how he manages to take off your top, bra following right after. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you like this, still the hottest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.” He says managing to make you blush. “Let’s go upstairs.” You say trying to pull him up, but he doesn’t budge. Instead, his arms carry you to the couch nearby, laying you down on it with him on top. “Here?” You ask unsure. “Yes, here, I can’t risk letting too much time pass by.” His hands worked fast, stripping you both of your clothes and turning you around to lay on your stomach. “What are you doing?” You ask looking back, but he doesn’t respond, only maneuvers your body in such a way that your bum is up in the air, making you exposed for him. 

“Jungkook, what is this?” You ask concerned. “Relax, I’ll make you feel good in just a bit.” And then you feel it, the tip of his member running slowly from your bundle of nerves till your entrance. You gasp at the feeling, having been deprived of touch for so long made you so wet and ready. He runs up and down a few more times before you could feel him penetrate your warm walls. “Honey, this is.” Your words get stuck in your throat when he fills you up fully without any warning or preparation, but you were so excited to have him again that he just slid right up without much worry. “You take me so well, so ready for me all the time, didn’t need preparation either.” He says, hands gripping the flesh of your ass firmly while moving in and out. “I missed you, that’s why.” You manage to make out through your moans. He whines when he realizes he touched your sweet spot, making you yelp loudly, hand thrown back trying to grip his wrist. He starts going a little faster making you see stars and shapes all around the room. “I’m close.” You say, high approaching at a rapid state, but in your disbelief he denies you and stops, pulling out completely making you whine. “Why? I was almost there.” He’s never denied you in the past, why now? “Don’t be greedy, soul. I need to have you for a little longer. Who knows when I can get another glimpse at this sweet pussy.” You gasp in embarrassment as he turns you around, your hands already gripping his strong back. He kisses you once again, longer, harder and so much sweeter before entering you again. This felt different than anything you’ve done with him. Hot bubbles of pleasure were bursting around you, both your bodies warmer than the burning fire. It felt so raw and so pure, just sincere love being exchanged like it was for the last time. Getting closer to the edge once again, your husband seemingly close too, this time. He rests his head on your shoulder, his breath tickling your neck. You scratch his back when maybe the best orgasm he’s ever given you washes over, followed by the feeling of warm cum stuffing your walls. For a few minutes the only things you could hear in the room were the creaking of the fire and two bodies trying so hard to catch their panting breaths, foreheads resting against each other. 

Jungkook raises his head to look at your figure, your eyes closed in a blissful haze. He smiles sadly knowing he can’t be here much longer, lips coming closer, catching yours in another kiss. “I love you.” He says, your eyes meeting just like the first day, this time instead of terror, only love and care could be seen. “I love you too.”

All night was filled with love, your two bodies melting into one another in front of the fireplace. Jungkook made sure you knew how much he loved you and assured you that you will meet again someday. Opening your eyes, trying to adjust to the light that was peeking through your bedroom window. You scanned the room remembering the events that happened last night making you smile, turning around you expected to see the face of your sleeping husband, but the bed was cold. You frown, knowing what it ment, he already left. 

He did say goodbye last night, but you were too tired to acknowledge it. You get up from the bed, legs almost giving up. You were dressed up in warm pajamas and even cleaned out, he must have done it for you while you were falling asleep. Going down the stairs, the house was empty, the car was not in front of your door anymore, the fire long gone. On the kitchen table there was a singular piece of paper, a letter. “My dear wife, Y/N. I’ve been gone for so long the past few months, busy and away. Forgive me. I know I might have never been the best husband for you, I always felt like I’ve been depriving you of the freedom you always craved for. But, believe me, all that I do is for you to get that freedom one day. I might be a hypocrite, making you wait over and over for me to come home just to give you bits and pieces of what you truly deserve.

And I thought of letting you go, having you achieve your own dreams and goals, but I am a greedy man…

It does not matter how far you run, it makes me run even faster after you. It does not matter how much you push me away, it just makes me want to come to you even more.

So, please, forgive me for everything. Not being there for you, letting you in the dark, wandering around uncertain paths. 

And in my shame I ask for you to wait for me once again, carry the thought of me in your head, and the tag I gave you close to your heart so you don’t forget me.

Until we meet again, my soul.

Yours to love, Jeon Jungkook.”

Soft tears fall onto the piece of paper, making the ink run, you fall to the ground clutching the piece close to your chest. 

How can you even forget him? You are so grateful for what he’s done for you. You smile, wiping your tears. The silver tag dangling in the air. You bring it close to your lips, leaving a warm kiss on his name, the name of the man who makes you feel so much. “I’ll wait for you, my love.” You whisper, clutching everything tight to you, praying he’ll come home safe and unharmed. One day you’ll have him back in your arms again.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

31 December 1956

The last day of December.

Outside heavy snow is ripping through the night sky, letting a thick layer gather on the ground. In the suburbs a house could be seen, on the front porch the snow has been swept away. Looking towards the house, the man admires the scenery in front of him. Inside only a small light could be seen coming out from the front window, lighting his way. He takes small steps through the crunching snow, feet planted right outside the door when he’s hit with the warmth of home. His home. He doesn’t knock, only opens the door slowly, letting his frame inside.

In front of the fireplace, rocking on a chair, a woman could be seen. Her hands quickly knitting what seemed to be a small blanket. His eyes warm up at the sight in front of him, and she finally acknowledges his presence, stopping her hands to look at him. He smiles, taking a step closer until his eyes widen in surprise. With love filled eyes she looks at him, while her small hands uncover what seem to be the small outline of a belly. “Welcome home.” She says, opening her arms, making his eyes burn with happy tears, gently throwing himself in them.

Resting his head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat,

December has never felt so warm before.

[spicyicymeloncat]

Tbh Ninjago is like

Pilots - s2: the bois go on they prophesied quest. It’s goofy and yeah there’s a little bit of scares but it’s all the standard stuff you’d expect

S3-7: oh the bois are still around. Oh the victory over the last villain was short and fleeting. Oh, actual turmoil strikes. Oh no one is friends. OH NO HE DIED. Oh no everyone is depressed. Oh no he was trafficked and she was disassembled and oh no that girl was raised in a cult and oh no his dad died and oh my god his dead adopted child has possessed that guy and oh dear lord he’s adopted and she was married with out her will and possessed and she died and their parents were enslaved oh no oh no

S8-10: literal dystopia

S11-16: haha anyways let’s fuck around with the snakes again and hang out with furries and play video games and dnd and have an under the sea moment and OH GOD THEYRE DEAD AGAIN

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary123

1/15-16/2024

monday - tuesday

still need to wash my face.

but errands day went pretty well, all things considered, i almost didn't go but my gf's mom asked if she should come by later, and i said yeah, so she did. i was dead tired and had to sleep until 2 pm. i had a weird dream and can hardly recall it. i can't tell if it was today, or yesterday, but it involved arizona, there was a house that was creepy, on a street corner. reminds me of somewhere in chicago, one of those houses from the 20s, all wood and decrepit but pretty. it was around halloween in the dream, and i was near the house, and walking i saw this other version of wendy's, like how carl's jr. is hardee's in other places in the us, idk what this one was called though. it was ancient looking. but a woman from the scary house abducted me. the house was connected to a shopping mall that looked like sunshine city in ikebukuro, tokyo. she made me work in the mall as a slave basically, selling shoes, the shoe store is funny, because we didn't see it in ikebukuro, it's the one i remember from the shibuya 109. she was dressed in a white gothic lolita outfit, and i had to wear a black one. my gf was looking for me, in the tunnels from the subway that lead into sunshine city, these very winding and sterile things, all tile. there's one part open to air, and out there, was not tokyo, but a southwestern city, populated with old buildings, graffiti, and misery. it felt like la, for some reason. but it was arizona, it was supposedly a small town but it was huge. the apocalypse was somewhere in the dream, there is a part i recall, of every feature of the landscape, every interior that i had been in, that was getting destroyed. there is a part of the dream in a regular suburb, house party, another girl i don't know, i was sitting i was receiving premonitions, and conversation turned to this serial killer who became invisible, i felt i was being hunted. i was running, in the part of town i got enslaved in, i was scared i was being hunted, that has to be it, i'm always scared i'm being hunted down in dreams. there's something here though, a feeling of the whole world being on the inside of spirit halloween, of being like illbleed, it's hard to communicate, but that was part of it too. there were parts where i had a health bar, and i watched myself from third person cameras. or i guess tank controls almost. my health the color of sticky red syrup, i felt dirty.

at one point, the woman saw me not working, and she pulled me by a chain on my neck, and made me fall, she really hated me i think, but she also made sure i didn't die i feel like. maybe we were cooperating in that way. i wish i wrote it when i woke up, but all my dreams are long and detailed. there's memories too, maybe this was the dream yesterday, of an airport with a huge store in it, the store was bigger than the airport, and the thing about the store was it only had art in it, basically, or stuff adjacent. there was an anime dungeon, a lot of hentai in it for some reason. besides that, was a bunch of snuff equipment, a scorpion enclosure, iron maidens, a mummy in glass in the center of the very small room, and then outside, a barnes and nobles-ish section for music. i looked for the blood brothers there, and then i had to fly away. i was looking for march on electric children, i settled on that one.

all my dreams have shopping. i'm sick, in that way. and murder and sex and stuff too. i'm sick like that too. i'm just probably very seriously ill honestly. i'll see if i remember tonight better. there's a kind of narrative in all these, i'm really running from something, and then the world is about to end, i'm not at the center or able to stop it, but it's sad and i want to experience something. one dream about the apocalypse i had many years ago sticks with me because of gender stuff from it, i don't know if i should really talk about it here though, it was very strange and grotesque but it made me feel something warm.

anyway, today, not a lot else happened. i didn't do anything music related and it's too late now. on thursday, i've gotta go to a job interview. that's news. but i'm so bad at doing that. lately the issue of navigating of how people see me is something i'm thinking about more. i don't think i care about pronoun stuff really but i hate that i put 'male' on my applications but also putting 'i don't want to say' or whatever just doesn't seem to fly. nobody wants to hire a blank i guess, is what they must think or feel. or there's no thinking or feeling probably, it's just an automated sorting thing that tosses me immediately.

i guess it's fun thinking of how they'll react to me. i don't know. i don't know what i look like other than that i look like myself. dealing with all of this is like having paperwork or homework that i haven't done in 100 years, piling. like if i want a job do i have to be intelligible or whatever. it's depressing.

in other news but not really even i heard the most transphobic song in my life today, by this new local band called rhetoric. i won't link it or anything, but it's so cartoonishly hateful it's hard to take entirely seriously. i just know it is real, which makes it awful. the song is like, it goes in on every angle, i'll spare details but it really is every single one. this band seems to be trying to go viral on the daily wire and ifunny, they seem to be astroturfing ifunny because all the yt vids of their ep have people saying 'coming from ifunny! this is dope'. this band basically is one month old and opened for trapt, the nu metal band that sucks entirely. this band is so awful musically, as well. the venue is under light fire and has basically said 'we need free speech' and then the band is like ' we love lgbt humans. that's why we won't entertain their delusions', the situation is so stupid it's hard to feel very upset. these people are really trying to get viral by being awful. it is hard to look away though. i guess the part that sucks the most is this venue is the one i saw melt banana at.

anyway it is late nowww.

i did read today but not a super substantial amount, the cybernetic hypothesis remains interesting, challenging too, it did mention that the cybernetic state of rn, management, financialization, politics of power but a separate kind of aesthetic marker, and being modular in that the hierarchy is always going to be preserved in crisis/especially because of crisis, and that this state of affairs constitutes a kind of anti humanism, one that founds itself on furthering humanist goals but also totally obliterates anything outside of this purview, and it absorbs everything back into it, in order to defang, to act as if it's listening anyone and still moving forward. i guess it connects to the above in a way, but it also puts my anti humanism in a kind of tension, it's interesting to think the things i believe/ my approach can be related to this current standard. or not related, everyone's beliefs can be related to this, but i guess that certain anti humanisms can be said to support the status quo. this connects to the venue thing about in a pithy (it feels right to say it here) way, where the venue acts as if it's listening to queer people complaining, but then keeps everything in place, nothing changes, they pull the 'we have queer people do events here plenty but we need free speech' thing, so people who are upset seem unreasonable because they seem to have a problem with people being listened to, which is afforded to them too, so like, what's the big deal, is probably what some people think. idioticccc. it's all so stupidddddddddddd.

anyway the world is terrible i guess. i did read about also how the internet was designed by the military. everyone knows this already, it's just fun to be reminded i guess. it's pointless to bring it up so coldly/in this way, but there isn't a ton to say, about that, you know. it makes it strange/complex, this place we're all totally stuck.

but, i digress.

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[shining-m00nlight]

So I found this post by @igitnothin and it's bad. So let's work through this mess! You don’t have to go to the post it’s all here. I know it’s long but stay with me.

Things written like this = the original post

Things written like this = my thoughts

You know, I was just reading a post about Catelyn Stark, and why it’s so strange people don’t like her (because it is strange), and it kinda struck me a bit wrong. So I thought I’d just like to put this in perspective that may be from a bit of an atypical lens from most Catelyn discourse.  First, pretty sure Cat stans think more and deeper about Arya’s and Cat's relationship and their view of each other than other people. And second saying let's look at this complex thing from the view of a child that doesn't have as much introspective as the reader feels kind of like a metaphor for why people don't like Catelyn.

Let's not look at the complex whole thing! Let’s rather look at this comlex thing missing information and context.

Imagine you’re a nine year old girl on your own for a little over a year. You’ve been hiding amongst criminals - murderers and r*pers - who would all hurt you in a split second, so you have to hide your identity, your gender, your everything. You’ve watched your father die. You’ve watched your friends die. You’ve watched your surrogate father die. You’re taken, enslaved, beaten, starved. You’re forced to watch instances of torture, of sexual assault, of cold-blooded murderer against toddlers and other innocent people. There’s literally no one there to protect you. No one cares if you live or die. You’re on your own, never if you’re going to live another day. None of this has anything to do with whether or not Cat is likable or not. But one question: Who is Arya's surrogate father?

You’re made into a child soldier, forced to bloody your hands, even though it hurts you deeply every time you do it. And you learn to numb yourself to it, to let the rain wash away the pain. You’re betrayed by one of your only remaining friends, then betrayed by a man you trusted. And then you’re kidnapped by the man you hate most in the world, and he scares the utter shit out of you. Again nothing to do with Cat just describing Aryas trauma.

But you keep marching on, because you know that, at the end of the line, they’ll be there. Your mother, (pointing out yourself she wants her mother)brothers. Only two of your brothers die along the way, and you never got to say goodbye to one. Your adoptive brother killed them. Not about Cat.

But your mother and your brother are still out there. You’re scared they won’t accept you, because of the blood on your hands. You’re scared they won’t want you anymore. You’re a traumatized ten year old, and you just want your family, but what you’re right? What if they don’t want you? These are very reasonable/real fears for a child but it's not Catelyn's fault. Of course she never told Arya "I still love you even if you killed people" 

Cat would still love Arya but it wasn't a scenario anyone expected so of course Arya doesn't know what her reaction might be.

And guess what? You’re right! (What do you mean she's right? They still want her!) You find out your mother, after thinking you dead for a year, sold your corpse to the 22nd son of a Frey. (What corpse? She was known to be alive when that deal was made! Even Ned was!) A son who will not inherit anything. A son your mother has never met, (Oh fuck yeah! Cat should have really taken some time to get to know him. Maybe have a cup of tea together. Wasn't like time was important or that a lot of people don't get to know their children's betroths before making arrangements including Cats own father and Ned) who could be an abusive ass for all she knew (and, to your knowledge, who IS an abusive ass, because you’ve met, and he told you no one cared when your brothers died). Ok that is such fucking stretch. 

Yeah saying that was an asshole thing of Elmar but ONE: kind of a true thing (people care less about servants in this world, Including most of the main characters) 

TWO: Elmar was just as much a child as Arya, who just had been told, by his brother, that their house had been dishonored and who just got his dream of marrying a princess crushed.

 He was asked what's wrong, told what was wrong and then got his hurt feelings belittled. So being a child that he is he reacts accordingly and belittles her pain. 

Yeah it was rude and mean but it's not abusive. (Can't believe this turned into defending Elmar Frey) Also look at Arya's reaction, she tells him she hopes his princess dies! Elmar belittled someone's death and Arya's reaction is to wish death on someone that is not at fault for Elmars mean words. So after your logic Arya was just as abusive in this scene as Elmar was.

AND WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY ONLY CAT SOLD ARYA. ROBB WAS THE ONE TO MAKE THE FINAL DECISION. AND THAT DECISION WAS MADE IN A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SAVE NED, SANSA AND ARYA HERSELF.

Your father buried his sister in the crypts beneath Winterfell, because that’s where she would want to be. You - the Northerner whose only hope for the past year has been getting home - will be buried a Frey, with no future and no chances. Yeah really that's bad. Sure Arya LIVING to be buried a Frey is much worse than Lyanna dying at the age of 16 because Lyanna at least got to be buried a Stark. 

And completely ignoring that this is the fate of every woman. What did you want them to do? Oh I know! You wanted them to kill Jaime so the Lannisters kill Sansa and Arya so they can be buried as Starks before the age of 14! Because that’s better. That's what you meant when you compared those two scenarios, right?

"No future and no chances" The deal was made so Arya could at least live or not be a hostage forever. Also Arya has a father/brother in command over the biggest Kingdom they could take care of her should her husband not be able to. As long as Waldef Frey lives he would also take care of them. He might be a horrible person but he doesn't abandon family.

And why did she do it? Why did your mother abandon you to this fate, when you fought with everything you had to get to her? To get access to a bridge that Frey was already sworn to give her. Just because children marry doesn't mean you abandon them completely and never talk to them again. 

So Arya doing things shows she's fighting to get to her family. But Cat doing everything to get to her daughters is not seen as that but seen as "to get access to a bridge" What the fuck! STOP SAYING IT WAS FOR JUST A BRIDGE! 

Arya is fighting physically while Cat fights with politics but they are still both fighting! 

Frey is not sworn to give the Stark shit. As you said before women become part of the house they marry into! Robb and Cat are Starks. By societal rules Cat is not part of house Tully anymore, not in a way she can speak for them and demand things of bannerman at least. Walder Frey is sworn to Hoster not Cat. And in any way that would be Freys fault for not honoring that oath, not Catelyn!

That, my friends, is why I dislike Catelyn Stark.

Your conclusion is not good! One of the biggest flaws however is that you basically say if you look at Cat from Aryas perspective you wouldn't like her. BUT LOOK AT ARYA! SHE LOVES HER MOTHER! So huh?

This long ass post is literally just "She sold Arya for a bridge to a 22nd son" but uses Aryas trauma and the ignoring context to stretch it longer and more dramatically.

[cinaja]

Before the Wall part 16

A canon-compliant fanfic that takes place during the time of the War. For the summary and the entire fic, click here.

Disclaimer: The world and characters of acotar belong to sjm.

----

Miryam wants to disappear. She wishes she could winnow. Or maybe just turn into nothing at all.

She is sitting at the table in the Alliance council`s meeting room, staring at her hands. She tried to wash them, but there are still remains of the girl`s blood all over her. Around her, everyone is yelling. Most of them at her.

Her allies, it seems, are not overly pleased with her. So many of them are yelling that Miryam has trouble making out individual words, but the message is clear enough. What was she thinking, ending the meeting like this, provoking Ravenia. How dare she not have told them that she has a ´personal connection` - Miryam snorts at the word - to Ravenia. And, most of all, they are furious that Miryam is a witch. Or maybe furious that she didn`t tell them about it. Miryam isn`t sure what angers them more. 

She doesn`t bother to defend herself. She doubts she would even be heard over the general screaming.

“This“, the High Lord of the Night Court snaps, “is why I didn‘t want a child to represent us. I said from the very beginning that this would end badly.“

Queen Nakia says, “I think it`s clear that you‘re off the council. A witch!“ She shakes her head and makes a sign against evil. “How could we ever trust someone like you?“

Miryam presses her lips together. She almost waits for the first person to demand they not only kick her off the council, but kill her right away. Indeed, the royal who lost her soldiers to the Black Land‘s army and Artax is looking at her like she`s close to demanding her head.

„Stop it!“, Andromache yells, her voice rising over the general noise. 

Everyone stops speaking - out of sheer surprise, Miryam is sure. The queen turns around to glower at all of them.

“Are you all out of you mind?“, she asks sharply, “What reason do you have to demand her removal of the council?“ She turns to glare at the High Lord of the Night Court. „This war is about freeing the slaves - and you‘re telling her she failed because she said that there would be no peace if they didn‘t? What are you here for if you don‘t care about human lives?“

The High Lord looks inclined to object, but Andromache doesn‘t give him a chance.

„And the rest of you are just as bad!“ She shakes her head. „Do you honestly think that the person who created this Alliance cannot be trusted? That a personal who was a personal slave to Ravenia of the Black Land would betray us?“

A few of the assembled leaders look somewhat ashamed. But there are others who are still glaring.

„But she‘s a witch“, one of the royals snaps.

„So what?“ Andromache curls her hands to a fist like she is contemplating punching him. „Your kind has enslaved and slaughtered us humans for millennia and you dare to give another person shit for what she was born as? You hypocrites!“

For a moment, there is silence. People exchange looks, a few already look guilty. Suddenly, hardly anyone seems to want to look at Miryam anymore.

„Let‘s have a vote, then“, Nakia says.

“Should I wait outside?”, Miryam asks softly. 

She knows she should say something to defend herself, but she doesn`t find the words. Besides, it is not something she can really defend herself against. After all, how is she supposed to argue against something that she is?

“Yes”, Nakia says at the same time that Andromache says, “No.” The two queens glower at each other.

“If anyone wants Miryam off the council”, Helion says, “ that person could at least have the courage to say it to her face.” 

That quite efficiently shuts down any further discussion. Just when Nakia is about to call for a vote, the door to the meeting room opens and Jurian enters.

“What did I miss?”, he asks.

“Nothing much”, Helion says drily, “We were just discussing if Miryam should keep her seat on the council.”

“What?” The confusion on Jurian`s face quickly turns to anger. “I`m going to kill-”

“Jur”, Miryam cuts in before he can dig them both an even deeper grave. Death threats (at least open ones) are generally frowned upon in Continental politics.

“Right”, Nakia says, “Those in favour of excluding that female from the council?” She raises her own hand with a very pointed look in Miryam`s direction.

A few others follow. Jurian glares at each of them and Miryam sees two of them hastily lower their hands again. But those who raise their hands are not the majority and by far not enough to actually have Miryam kicked out. Nakia looks like she has a bitter taste in her mouth.

“Well”, Jurian drawls, “That is settled. If you don`t have any other ridiculous demands, we will return to our camp.”

He takes Miryam by the arm and pulls her to her feet. Then, he leads her out of the room.

As soon as they are outside, Jurian asks, “Is everything alright?”

“No.”

Jurian hesitates at that. Obviously, he hadn`t expected her to be honest. It seems like he didn`t really think of a response to a honest answer. (In all fairness, Miryam isn`t exactly known for being open about such things.)

Jurian avoids the rest of the conversation by looking around. “Where are those damned Fae when you need them?” He stalks further along the corridor and catches a Fae guard by the arm. “Can you winnow us back to our camp?”

The guard looks slightly intimidated, but nods. He winnows them back to the camps and vanishes again as soon as their feet touch the ground. They make it only a few steps until the camp's border before Mor comes running towards them, her golden hair waving behind her. Her eyes go straight to the blood on Miryam's dress.

"It isn't mine", Miryam says softly before Mor can ask.

"What happened?", Mor asks, looking between Miryam and Jurian. Likely taking in the tired looks in their eyes. "Did it go alright?"

"Yes", Jurian says, "Miryam scared the shit out of everyone and I think that no one will leave the alliance, so I suppose that counts as alright?"

Mor arches an eyebrow at Miryam. "Typical", she mutters, "something interesting happens and I'm not there."

Miryam doesn't feel like laughing. She doesn`t feel like anything at all, really.

Jurian shoots her a worried look. "Maybe we should go to my tent", he says carefully.

Miryam nods. She does her best to ignore the looks and whispers that follow her on the way to Jurian's tent. All she wants is to be on her own. Inside, however, the Illyrian commander is waiting. Already glaring at her.

There is a bloody knife in his hands. Jurian tenses, but the male just throws it to the ground at Miryam`s feet, hissing words in a language.

“I don`t understand you”, Miryam says. She tries to sound pleasant, but she can`t quite keep the strain out of her voice. 

“He`s dead”, the male says.

“Who?”

“The warrior whose soul you stole, aje.”

Even without understanding the last word, Miryam flinches back. “I didn`t...”, she stammers, “I would never... I helped him!”

“You touched him. To be touched by something like you is to lose your soul.” He spits on the ground between them. “He begged me to end his life once he heard what happened.”

Mor understands the implication a second before she does and gasps. Miryam catches on a heartbeat later.

“You... You killed him?” She can`t quite grasp what he is saying. That male... she saved his live. She didn`t...

Miryam takes a step forward. She clenches her hand to a fist. She doesn`t know what she plans to do - punch him, maybe. But the male already flinches back.

“I did nothing!”, Miryam hisses. All the pressure of the day comes crashing down and wakes her magic. This time, it doesn`t rise with a whisper, but crashes into her with the force of a full-blown hurricane.

“It takes more than a simple touch to steal his soul, you bastard!”, she shouts, “You killed that male for nothing!”

“Miryam...”, Jurian whispers and reaches out for her. She steps out of his reach.

Around the Illyrian, his magical aura begins to glow brighter. Before he can so much as say a word, Miryam reaches out and clenches down on his power. The Illyrian`s eyes go wide. Then, his three red syphons splinter into a million pieces. The male screams.

Miryam lets go. “Never cross me again”, she hisses. Then, she spins around and stalks out of the tent. 

She can only just hear Mor whisper behind her, “Now I get what you meant.”

Miryam manages to keep up a collected front until she reaches her tent. But as soon as the entrance is safely closed behind her, she can`t keep the tears in anymore. She lets herself fall onto her bed and presses her face into the pillow.

She still hasn`t managed to stop crying by the time the flap of the tent opens.

“You know”, Mor says lightly, “crying into your pillow is perhaps the most nineteen-year-old like I`ve ever seen you act. Almost makes you seem normal.”

It only makes her cry harder.

“Hey, come on. That was a joke.” She can feel the bed move as Mor sits down next to her. Lightly, she puts a hand on her shoulder. “When I was your age and crying”, Mor continues, “Rhys always snuck into my room with booze. But I`m not sure if you`re a drink-your-sorrows-away kind of person, so I also brought cake.”

Carefully, Miryam lifts her head from the pillow. Mor holds a bottle of red wine in one hand, a huge chocolate cake in the other. Miryam sniffs and rubs a hand over her face.

“Cake or wine?”, Mor asks.

“Cake”, Miryam whispers.

Mor grins and passes her a piece of chocolate cake. Then, she takes a swig straight out of the wine bottle. Carefully, Miryam takes a bite of the cake and almost groans in pleasure.

“Oh Cauldron, where did you get this?”

“A city in the Night Court.” Mor grins. “I winnowed there to buy it.”

Miryam smiles, but sobers up almost immediately. “This is very nice, Mor”, she says softly, “But with everything... I don`t know if we should...”

“Hey.” Mor takes her arm lightly. “The world isn`t going to fall into chaos because you take a few hours off for once in your life. Let`s just forget about everything for a bit - pretend there isn`t a war going on, that you aren`t a commander in this.”

Miryam hesitates and Mor gives her a gentle shove. “Come on! Don`t you want to know what it`s like? Just this once?”

“Alright”, Miryam says. The offer, really, is too good to resist. “So, what do you do as a normal person?” She takes another bite of the cake and does her best to forget about everything else.

“Whatever you want, really.” Mor grins. “We could talk about boys. Like this: Have you and Jurian already... you know?”

Miryam feels herself blush. “Not yet.”

They have come close a couple of times, but never actually gone through with it. Jurian hasn`t pushed - he is waiting for her, just like on everything else. And for the past months, Miryam has been trying to gather up the courage to say yes. 

Mor grins. “So you have never...”

“That`s not what I said.” Suddenly, it`s hard to breathe properly.

“Oh”, Mor whispers, “Oh Mother, I`m so sorry. I`m really horrible at this, it...”

“Let`s just drop it”, Miryam says and forces a smile.  “Normal night, remember?” To distract herself, she takes a bite of the cake. “Actually, if that`s supposed to work, perhaps you should do the talking. So: Have you ever... you know?”

“Oh yes”, Mor says and grins. She takes another swig out of her bottle and starts talking.

----  

Rhys should have seen it coming. From the moment they found out that Miryam is a witch, he should have known that there is no way he is going to remain in the camp. Illyrians and witches just don't mix well and Rhys doesn't have enough control over his soldiers to get them to behave themselves.

Still, it stings when Jurian calls him to his tent and cordially informs him that he is expected to leave the camp within the span of a day. Rhys supposes he can still count himself lucky - he knows of a few commanders who might have reacted differently. So he takes the news with all the grace he can muster, nods to Jurian and tells his soldiers.

Early in the next morning, a knock sounds at his door. He expects Mor, but instead, Miryam is standing in front of him.

“Lady.” Rhys inclines his head. (He knows Mor loves the female like a sister, but he also heard what happened in the past days. It is enough for him to really, really not want to make an enemy out of her.) “I was going to seek you out anyways. I wanted to apologize for my solders` behaviour.”

“There`s no need. It`s me who should...” Miryam shakes her head. “That soldier who died - I`m sorry about that. And I`m the only reason you`re being sent away.”

“I`d say I`m being sent away because I can`t control my soldiers. So really, I`m the one who`s at fault here.”

“No, I-” Miryam stops herself and grins. “Look at us. Both determined to take the blame on ourselves.”

Rhys bursts out laughing. “Now I understand why Mor likes you so much.”

“The feeling`s mutual”, Miryam says, “But that`s actually not what I wanted to tell you.”

“Well, then, I`m all ears”, Rhys says.

“You`re being sent to assist the army of Sangravah.” Miryam runs a hand through her hair. “The Grand Duke is a friend of mine. I sent him a letter telling him about your arrival. I told him that your soldiers are difficult, but you are a good male.”

“Thank you”, Rhys says. He can`t quite understand why she does it – after all, they don`t really know each other – but he knows what she did for him. “Truly. I`m in your debt.”

Miryam waves him off . “There is something else”, she says, “But you have to swear to keep this between us.”

Rhys frowns at her, but he nods. “Sure. My lips are sealed.”

Still, Miryam looks hesitant. “So, I didn`t know this until a few days ago when Mor told me what it was like in your last camp, but... I made a few inquiries and found out that your father basically gave people leave to do whatever they wanted with you.”

Rhys sighs in relief. For a moment, he thought that the news would be something bad. “Thank you for telling me, but I already knew”, he says, “My father told me that I would be here as a normal commander, not as his heir, before he sent me to the Continent.”

“But that`s different”, Miryam argues, “You see, even the normal commanders are protected because everyone knows that if you treat them too badly, they will complain to their superiors and you`ll be in trouble. No matter the rank of the soldier who gets harmed - there is always someone higher up who can make sure that you`ll be fine. It`s a simple way to keep everyone in line - the only way, really, to make this whole system with the mixed armies work out.” Miryam bites her lip. “But your father made it known that he doesn`t care about what happens to you. Not one bit. So you have no protection whatsoever.”

Rhys takes a deep breath. He hadn`t thought his father would go this far. It shouldn`t sting as much as it does.

“Okay”, he says softly, proud of how unbothered his voice sounds, “So I`m done for.”

“No, I...” Miryam smiles slightly. “I may have made it clear that you are under my protection. That`s what I wanted to tell you. So if there is trouble, you know... who you can turn to.”

Rhys gapes at her. He can`t quite process what she did. It`s stupid, reckless and probably makes her one of the most selfless people he knows. Still, he shakes his head.

“My father will be furious”, he says, “When he finds out - and he will - he will take it out on you.”

“The thing is, though”, Miryam replies, “that I`m not scared of your father. And if he thinks he can take it up with me, he`ll be sorely disappointed.” For a moment, something dangerous glitters in her eyes. But then, it is gone and she is smiling again. “Don`t worry, though. Your father may be angry if he finds out, but he won`t be stupid enough to do anything about it.”

“Well, now I really am in your debt”, Rhys says.

Miryam wrinkles her nose and looks like she`s just about to object when Mor rushes into his tent behind her.

“Rhys!” She jumps into his arms. “I just heard - I can`t believe you`re leaving already!”

“It`s alright”, Rhys whispers to her, “You needn`t worry.”

She shakes her head wildly. “I already tried to talk to Jurian, but he wouldn`t reconsider.”

“Mor.” Rhys lets go of her and takes a step back. “With the way my soldiers acted, I can`t stay here. One male died already. And Jurian was most kind - I know more than a few people who would have reacted differently.”

Which reminds Rhys of the conversation he was just in the middle of when Mor turned up. But Miryam, it seems, used the distraction to vanish. Rhys laughs and shakes his head.

“What?”, Mor asks.

“She`s an extremely dangerous female, that friend of yours.”

“Oh, I know.” Mor grins. “But honestly, after that meeting, everyone does.”

Rhys smiles back at her, but quickly sobers up. “I have to get going”, he says.

Mor wraps her arms around him again. “Be careful. Promise it.”

“I will.”

Mor nods. “I have a patrol to lead in a few minutes. So I`ll have to go now.”

Rhys smiles softly. “Look at that. My little cousin, leading her own patrols.”

Mor swats at his arm. Then, she turns around. Neither of them says goodbye - it would feel far too final for either of their liking. Still, Rhys wonders if he imagines the tears shining in Mor`s eyes as she turns around to look at him one last time.

The effort to get his army ready is enough to distract Rhys from the forced goodbye. Two hours later, they are airborne, heading south. It's a flight of three days to the new camp. He always thought Prythian was huge, but the Continent is a different matter entirely.

On the first evening, when they run into another army camp. Much to Rhys‘ relief, they are flying Alliance colours. Still, Rhys orders his soldiers to land a mile away. After all, anyone can put up an Alliance flag. Besides, few commanders take kindly to having a foreign army of five hundred land in their camp.

So he finds an Alliance flag of his own among their things, leaves his soldiers behind with strict orders not to move and walks towards the camp. It belongs to another aerial army, but their wings are white and feathered. The guards standing around outside are already at attention. It seems they are as unsure about Rhys' intentions as he is about theirs.

"I come in peace!", he calls to the guards.

"Stand down", one of the soldiers orders. The others lower their weapons and the male steps towards Rhys. "It's alright", he says, "we already met Illyrians at the Callian pass. I assume you're Rhysand."

"Rhys", he corrects automatically. "How do you know me?"

"Oh, you're kind of the reason we're here. We were actually supposed to be the ones to work together with Sangravah, but the orders changed." He smiles at Rhys and holds out a hand. "I'm Prince Drakon of Erithia. Nice to meet you."

Rhys takes the offered hand and tries to bow at the same time. After all, the male before him is on the Alliance council and rules over a territory about twice as big as the Night Court. In situations like this, it's generally better to be polite.

"I apologize for the inconvenience, Your Highness", Rhys says.

"It's no issue. If you want to, you and our soldiers are welcome to join our camp."

"Thank you, Your Highness."

Prince Drakon nods. "I'm not sure if you‘re aware", he says, "but in our army, females fight aloneside males. Our general is female. So in their own interest, your soldiers should show them respect."

"Of course, Your Highness." He wonders if he imagines the Prince rolling his eyes.

In the next few hours, Rhys does his best to get his soldiers settled into the camp without causing any fights. All while being watched by the sharp-eyed Seraphim general, who seems to be waiting for him to mess up. By the time everyone is settled, Rhys is done with the day.

He is just about to vanish into his newly-erected tent when gets a message from Prince Drakon, inviting him to dinner. Rhys sighs. There`s about a million things he`d rather do, but there is no polite way to turn down the invitation.

He finds the Prince in a tent in the camp`s centre. Dinner is already set out on a table that, from its look, is usually used for strategy meetings. Rhys thanks Drakon for the invitation and sits down.

They manage fifteen minutes of meaningless small-talk, before Prince Drakon forcefully sets down his fork. “Alright. I give up”, he says, “I have no idea what you`re playing at. And at this point, the entire Cauldron-damned Continent knows that I`m bad at politics, so I don`t know what you`re trying to do, but it`s not very nice.”

For a moment, Rhys just stares at him. Then, he bursts out laughing. The utterly wrong reaction, from the way Drakon looks at him. Offended, but mostly hurt.

It is enough to make Rhys sober up. “I`m sorry”, he says, “I shouldn`t have laughed, it`s just...” He shakes his head. “I`m from Prythian, you see. We don`t do that whole Continental politics business and I never learned it. So, whatever you think I was implying wasn`t my intention.”

Prince Drakon seems to contemplate his words for a few seconds before he shakes his head and laughs. “Well, now it`s me who ought to apologize”, he says, “It seems I don`t even need someone well-versed in Continental politics to make a fool of myself. I`m sorry. I`m a little sensitive about these things.”

Rhys can`t say she blames him for it. In the past months, he heard more than enough cruel jokes and rumours about the Prince to understand why he would be easily annoyed at these things.

“How about we just set politics aside for the evening?”, he suggests, “I mean, it`s not like we`re that far apart by way of age, so it`s a bit ridiculous anyways.”

Drakon raises an eyebrow. “Really? How old are you, then?”

“Thirty-five.”

“Not far apart? Are you kidding?” Prince Drakon grins. “You`re ancient!”

“Funny”, Rhys says, but he can`t help a grin. And just like that, the tension is gone. “So, you were at the Callian pass, correct? Where are you going now?”

“I`m supposed to take over the camp from a commander named Pelior. Apparently, he didn`t really do well with running his camp.”

“That`s an understatement”, Rhys mutters. He makes a mental note to send Miryam a thank you note as soon as he arrives in his new camp. 

“And you`re coming from Jurian`s camp?”, the Prince asks, leaning forward in his chair, “There are lots of interesting stories going around about him and Lady Miryam. I´d love to meet them both some time.”

“Oh, they are certainly fascinating people.” Rhys laughs softly. “Miryam especially, from what I have seen.”

“Is it true that she`s a witch? I only heard rumours.”

“In this case, they are true.” Rhys reaches for the wine and refills first Drakon`s glass, then his own. They clink their glasses together.

----

Three days after the meeting, things have calmed down a little for everyone. Most of the soldiers, it seems, have gotten over their initial mistrust and now see the advantages of having a witch in their midst. Which, in turn, means that Jurian has to spend significantly less time dealing out punishments.

Jurian is sitting in his tent and dealing with his least favourite part of his job: Paperwork. Most of it ends up on Miryam`s desk, but some of his things, Jurian has to deal with himself.

Groaning, he shifts through his paperwork. On top of the stack is a letter he doesn`t recognize. Frowning, Jurian rips it open and scans the content, his eyebrows rising further with each word.

My dearest General,

Ever since the meeting, I haven`t been able to think of anyone but you. You`re all I see, both waking and sleeping. I told you that our futures are intertwined and each of my visions has only reaffirmed that.

If you feel only a hint of the connection I know is between us, then I am begging you to give me a sign.

With love,

Clythia

Jurian blinks a few times. Then, he goes looking for Miryam. He finds her sitting around a table, talking to a few soldiers. When she sees the look on his face, she frowns up at him.

“Would you come for a walk?”, Jurian asks.

“Yes, of course.” Smiling, Miryam excuses herself and walks away from the group with Jurian. “What`s wrong?”, she asks as soon as they are out of hearing range.

Wordlessly, Jurian hands her the letter. Miryam´s face remains calm as she reads it. Finally, she looks up, but still doesn`t say anything. For a moment, they just stare at each other.

It is Miryam who breaks the silence in the end. “Say it, then. But don`t force me to.”

Jurian takes a deep breath. “It could be an invaluable opportunity”, he says, “If I play it correctly, I could gain an inside source in Hybern`s army.” 

He watches Miryam carefully. But still, there is no sign of what she`s thinking. She can be so damn hard to read sometimes.

“And are you asking me this”, Miryam asks, “as your lover, or as a member of the Alliance council?”

“Both.”

“As a member of the Alliance council, I agree with you. The information could be invaluable.” Miryam wraps her arms around herself, the only sign of her distress. “As your lover...” She shakes her head. “But I think you know me well enough to know which comes first. So if this is what you want...” She doesn`t finish the sentence.

Everything in Jurian screams at him to not do this. To throw that damned letter into the fire and never, ever think of it again. If only to make sure Miryam never looks at him like that again. But same as her, he knows what comes first.

“Then I`ll write her back”, he says. The words taste bitter.

“No, I...” Miryam winces and manages a smile. “Fae courtship is... I`ll have the letter ready by tomorrow.”

“Miryam.” Jurian reaches out for her and gently takes her by the arm. “Please. Please, I love you. This”, he waves at the letter, “this changes nothing.”

“I know, Jur”, she says softly, “It`s alright. If you can do this, then I can, too.” She gently takes his hand. “We`ll be fine. We`re stronger than this.”

Jurian nods. He is just about to reply when the alarm starts ringing.

Miryam and Jurian both dart around, jumping into action with practiced ease. Before they so much as make it to the camp`s centre, Tia comes running towards them.

“What`s going on?”, Jurian asks.

“There`s an army. About one hour away.”

Miryam frowns. “One hour? How did we spot it this soon?”

“Well, it`s a pretty big army.” Tia winces. “And they aren`t trying really hard to hide their approach. I think they want us to know.”

“How many?”, Jurian asks.

“Five thousand. At least.”

Jurian curses. He exchanges a quick glance with Miryam, who is biting her lip.

“I can send out letters”, she says, “But no other camp is close enough. Besides...” She frowns at Tia. “You said they aren`t trying to hide their approach. What if it`s a trap.”

“No, they...” This time, Tia seems uncharacteristically lost for words. “I think they want to send a message.”

Jurian doesn`t have patience for talking around a problem on a good day. And if there`s an army of five thousand soldiers marching towards them, it`s double true.

“Spit it out”, he snaps.

But Tia just looks at Miryam. “They`re from the Black Land”, she says softly, “I think...”

She doesn`t need to finish the sentence. It is clear enough without it.

Miryam challenged Ravenia during the meeting. And the Queen of the Black Land sent five thousand soldiers to deal with the threat.

----

A/N: So, a minor cliffhanger. Sorry. But guess what's finally going to happen in the next chapter!

As always, I'd love to hear what you think!

Tags: @sjm-things

[jellyfax]

The Ancient Magus’ Bride Revisited: Yup, It’s Still Bad

There’s something I find wholly unpleasant about the way many fans discuss The Ancient Magus’ Bride. 1) it’s the same few ideas expressed nearly verbatim and 2) it’s very centered on dismissing very troubling trends in narratives that involve toxic, abusive relationships between girls and adult men. Anyway, sit down, have a taco, this spiel might take a while.

It should go without saying that romantic relationships between teenagers and adults are always unhealthy. Ephebophilic/pedophilic relationships really shouldn’t be justified or defended. However, The Ancient Magus’ Bride tries its damnedest to portray the focal relationship as anything but inherently dangerous and as something the audience should avidly support and root for. Despite what some fans claim that the series isn’t necessarily focused on a romantic pairing between Chise and Elias, the narrative does in many ways convey a budding romance with both characters. The images below depict Chise and Elias’ intensely intimate interactions and convey rather overtly romantic overtones, and even sexual undertones at times: 

For the record, I hated putting this together. Just looking at these images make me sick. It’s so fucking gross. A 15/16-year-old girl should never be portrayed like this with a grown man, it’s revolting.

There’s no denying that there is a burgeoning romantic love between Chise and Elias and it’s one that isn’t depicted as abhorrent. Whether or not the characters are themselves aware of the romantic, sexual chemistry between them doesn’t matter because the creator knows and we the audience know better.  

Another excuse often utilized by fans to condone this romance (or at least very dubious relationship) is the idea that Elias is childishly naïve; that he doesn’t really understand that he shouldn’t propose to marry a scared, traumatized teenage girl he just bought, that he doesn’t know it’s inappropriate for him to forcibly disrobe and bathe said girl, that he can’t really control his emotions and actions much like a petulant child, and so on. Firstly, it doesn’t make sense that he wouldn’t understand basic human behavior, social constructs, and standards. He’s worked alongside humans for centuries, so his ridiculously selective ignorance only exists for the author to excuse his dangerous behavior toward Chise. In fact, when Angelica rightfully admonishes him for treating Chise poorly, Elias’ reaction indicates he knew what he did was wrong.

Elias just bought a teenage girl as a slave, proposed to her, and forcibly undressed and bathed her. Now, he’s being called a pervert for doing all that! Isn’t human trafficking and child grooming hilarious!! ROFL!!!11!!😂🤣😭🤮

Elias’ feigned naiveté is a clumsy attempt to make him palatable and sympathetic, and while I would like to say it failed it clearly hasn’t. Most viewers and readers are more than willing to infantilize “bonehead” Elias to defend or understate his actions. 

Goddammit! Human Supremacy strikes again!!! Elias said non-human monster rights!!! I am the Wokest of all, you see!!!! 

Despite how little sense it makes in-universe, even if Elias doesn’t understand the implications of proposing to a girl, the creator understands, and the audience understands that Elias x Chise is the endgame. Why else would it be called “The Ancient Magus’ Bride”? Though no matter how hard the creator and fans try to coddle and baby Elias while supporting his forced, noxious relationship with Chise, all I see is a manipulative, possessive man who’s gradually grooming a vulnerable 15-year-old girl into his ideal future bride. Still other fans, while they don’t necessarily infantilize Elias, they treat Elias and Chise as if they’re virtually equals. Nevertheless, despite these fans’ insistence, the pair are not on equal footing in their hazardously dysfunctional relationship. It really doesn’t matter that Chise occasionally scolds Elias and stands up to his abuse, because she has very little control of their relationship (i.e., she’s a child, he bought her, he’s a more experienced magic user, he has an established career, a luxurious home, etc.) and unless she leaves him permanently, her safety will never be guaranteed. Their relationship is too riddled with unsettling power imbalances, stemming mostly from Chise being a child, far too many for them to be even remotely compatible.  

Even if the story had avoided that innate nastiness of child grooming, Elias is still very possessive and manipulative. If ephebophilia/pedophilia weren’t enough of a red flag with him, the writer had to make the slow burn between Elias and Chise even more sickening with Elias’ controlling and domineering tendencies. While fans argue that his behavior is acknowledged as detrimental, as Chise leaves him for some time as a result. However, fans fail to consider how his actions should have ended the relationship, permanently; Chise should never have returned to him. Even when “called out” nothing will ever change the fact that he BOUGHT her and that she is, technically his SLAVE. He didn’t save her from servitude or worse by being a “good” master. It’s despicable that this story tries to make human trafficking and enslavement seem like it’s justifiable. Also, Elias continues to spy on Chise, claim that she is his as if she’s an object, and generally discourages her from engaging with others. He destroyed college admission offers for Chise! He almost killed a child due to his possessiveness of Chise!!! He even seemingly almost eats Chise because of his maniacal jealousy???

Excerpt from Wikipedia episode synopsis: “Chise becomes afraid Elias may be about to eat her and sends a distress signal to Ruth. [...] Chise realises Elias is jealous of Stella and having a childish temper tantrum.” This fucker physically assaults her, but sure it’s just “a childish temper tantrum,” because he’s a violent man-baby who can’t control himself. Fuck this godforsaken pile of shit.  

These actions can’t be forgiven or dismissed like a partner who tends to forget anniversaries, is a bit of a braggart and know-it-all, borrows clothes without asking or some other minor flaw. No, these are HUGE red flags that read “GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN.” Not only is he controlling, but he also claims to not be able to control his most primal and destructive urges if he doesn’t get what he wants. There are predatory people who act exactly like Elias. Abusive people who claim that they can’t control their fits of anger that result in physical, psychological, and emotional trauma. These abusers’ behavior can’t be “fixed” by those they abuse; it shouldn’t be Chise’s responsibility to repair a broken, troubled yet extremely dangerous man who wants to wife her up. This isn’t some obstacle to be overcome by the pair, it’s a clear reason for Chise to remove him from her life. The best outcome for Chise would be to get away from an absolute menace like Elias. Plain and simple. Though of course that’s obviously not going to happen, because it is a wretched nightmare of a story. 

I know I’m not the first person to express all these ideas about The Ancient Magus’ Bride, and I know I won’t be the last. It’s just that direct rebuttals to typical fan assertions are lacking whenever critics of the series take issue with its flaws regarding the main characters and their interactions. Anyway, this was my take on the most common defenses of Elias Ainsworth and his reprehensible relationship with Chise Hatori which is so central to the plot of the series. Now pardon me while I... 

[ofstarstuff]

Listen, can we talk about Nott's humor?

I know a good chunk of it is Sam being Sam. Sam is the class clown. Sam plays horrible situations as if they were humorous (and then twists the knife later, because he's that kind of a jerk and I love it).

But.

But a good chunk of it is Nott. Nott's humor is different from Taryon's is different from Scanlan's. I've talked before how Sam approaches comedy through his characters, but I want to specifically talk about Nott.

Nott is incredibly sharp. Her Charisma of 5 is abysmal, but her Intelligence is 16, and boy does she know how to play it for fun. She's this woman who was bullied and ostracized and loved and lost and killed and fucking enslaved and despite it all has an incredibly sharp wit. I was re-watching @apricatt-art's lovely "Everyone Gets A Funeral" animatic and oh boy, is Nott's humor sharp and layered.

Let's look at the circumstances.

At this point, nobody but her knows she has died before. Specifically, Nott was murdered. It was premeditated. It wasn't a blow in the middle of combat. It was designed as part of a process to make her suffer and take everything she loves away from her.

She knows what it is like to feel isolated from those she cares about. When Yasha is struggling with feeling abandoned by the rest of the Nein, Nott understands how she feels. The circumstances are vastly different, and she doesn't know Yasha's past beyond Molly's death, but she knows what it feels like to be forced apart from her loved ones.

Just the previous day, Nott nearly died. Again. To save someone she loves. She has had a hell of a time, they are on the ocean, she is surrounded by fear. But here is someone struggling with abandonment. It's a justified struggle, Yasha was left alone!

And so Nott turns the situation into a funny one. She would be justified in going "yeah, you wouldn't want to be there anyway, it was awful, I nearly died". But she doesn't. She starts talking about FUNERALS as a way of breaking the tension and sorrow. She's still pretty scared of Yasha! Yasha is huge and she's from Xhorhas and she doesn't really talk about herself. Yasha is terrifying to a skittish goblin girl. And yet here she is, defusing this moment by talking up how outraged she is she didn't get a funeral.

This woman. Who doesn't know if she ever got a funeral herself. Whose family thinks her dead. Whose family lives in a town essential to the supply lines of an empire at war. Nott has every reason to feel tense about this situation, to let others talk instead. Yet here she is.

"Was mine... nice?" There's an undercurrent of sorrow we weren't privy to at the time, and yet. It's so goddamn funny, even now. "Did anyone come--I guess not, you were on the ocean."

Yasha: "I, uh--" Nott: "Did you say anything?" Yasha: "I did say some things--" Nott: "Some nice words?" Yasha: "--that I probably should not share with you, Nott." Nott: "...Like, they're bad words or something?" Yasha: "Something like that." Nott: "You CURSED at my funeral?!" Yasha: "I didn't have a funeral for you." [ouch] Nott: "I DIDN'T EVEN GET A FUNERAL, EVERYBODY ELSE DID?" Yasha: "I didn't know if you were actually gone!" [o u c h] Nott: "EVERYONE got a funeral but me!?" Yasha: "No, none of you did!" Nott: "OH MY GOD! You didn't give any of us funerals?" Yasha: "Because I didn't know if you were alive or not! I was still holding on to maybe that you were and you just disappeared and you just didn't want to stay with me anymore, you didn't want me as part of the group."

And here is where Yasha opens up a little and Jester and Beau talk with her. But she only got to this moment because Nott pushed her with all this ridiculousness. And then Nott wraps up with a group rule about timing for funerals for missing members. Which, again, ouch in hindsight.

She is brilliant, her humor is razor-sharp, and on top of everything, now we get to look at this moment and also see the tragedy behind all the comedy. Goddamn, Sam.

[365daysoftododeku]

27th April 2019

Author: Kenyoda

Admin’s Note: Another oneshot by @ebonyphd​ for her Candid Shoutos series! Visit @crzangel​‘s headcanon for it here!

________________________________________________________________

Challenge Accepted

“Can’t this class go one day without causing a catastrophe,” sighed Aizawa as he stared at his phone. “This sort of nonsense is the last thing they need three weeks into their 3rd year…” The teacher’s lounge exploded into laughter, used to the man’s grumbling.

“Give them a break, Shouta! They’re teenagers doing teenager things,” Yamada said with a chuckle.

“I know that, but did they really have to put a bullseye on themselves and Endeavor?” he sighed. Toshinori watched the exchange with half a head and eye. On one hand, he understood Aizawa’s complaint. It was reasonable. The boys were marking themselves for a certain story that could follow them for the rest of their lives. Which could be problematic if their relationship didn’t last. Not only that, the League of Villains was still a real threat. Not that the media wasn’t a threat of its own.

But at the same time, knowing what he did about young Midoriya and young Todoroki, he could not help but feel proud of them. Some people might see it as attention seeking, but he knew better. He had pieced together young Midoriya’s bullying past. He knew that coming out and owning up to his accidental post and confirming his relationship with young Todoroki was an act of bravery.

This was him saying, “I know that this is dangerous. I know people will talk. I know people will come after me and him. But I refuse to hide… I refuse to cower. This is something solely for myself that I will fight for to my last breath”. Midoriya was far braver than he ever was. He was willing to face the scrutiny that Toshinori refused to face. He was willing to face the repercussions of having loved ones. Something that even Nana had caved on.

But this 16-year-old was ready to fight for his own life, something that Toshinori himself had only started to do. Something that young Todoroki was finally beginning to do, too. His heart hurt to think of what that poor child had been through. Young Midoriya had his snow leopardess of a mother ready to leap to his defense against all threats at all times, even those he posed to himself. Young Todoroki had a broken home that relied on his battery and enslavement to remain standing. How alone had that poor boy been? Toshinori admired the strength it took for him to say: “It ends with me,” and “I refuse to become him”.

He hadn’t known how bad it was until a little less than a year ago.  On his way to Recovery Girl’s office, he had heard voices. He immediately slowed down waiting for the conversation to end and the students to move on. But the hushed voices went on for a while.

“DAMN THE NOTES! IT’S NOT ABOUT THE FUCKING NOTES!” Toshinori jumped. The sudden explosion echoed off the walls. “…I’m sorry… I’m sorr—no, please stay, please… Shou—wait, damn it!” There was a small scuffle and then more hushed voices, one of which he recognized as a familiar wobbly voice. What on Earth was going on? As far as he knew, Midoriya and Todoroki were friends, practically joined at the hip. But now they were fighting. Concerned, he had crept closer and peered around the corner.

The two boys were huddled together in the middle of the walkway. Izuku was holding Todoroki’s wrists to his chest, tears making themselves at home on his face. He was whispering something fervently to Todoroki. He could only pinpoint it as simple apologies. After a moment, young Todoroki nodded and his successor relaxed slightly. He didn’t let go of the other boy’s wrists, he just slid his fingers up until they intertwined with his friend’s and squeezed them.

“I just—it frustrates me that he hurts you so badly… and you continue to let him,” Izuku choked out after a moment. Toshinori stiffened. Who… who dared to hurt one of his students? Todoroki’s shoulders drew up around his throat and he hunched over. The hero that was still in Toshinori’s body ached at the sight. The body language screamed ‘I’m scared’ and ‘Help me!’ but he was helpless to do so. All he could do was hope that his successor saw it.

Izuku didn’t disappoint. He released one of Todoroki’s hands and gently wrapped his fingers around his chin. He then guided their lips together in a tender kiss that left Toshinori flushing in guilt. It was quite clear that the two had been more than just friends for a while. Izuku had kissed him without hesitation. Todoroki opened his mouth,

“It’s fine… really, it’s honestly gotten better… I just got used to this,” he rasped as his shoulders relaxed. His voice and eyes pointed to the ground. Toshinori was starting to get an idea of what this conversation was about… and he didn’t like it.

“Shouto… baby. Do you even hear yourself?” Izuku croaked back. He sounded so heart-broken. “This isn’t getting used to—to a shirt that fits a little weirdly or a TV with bad reception! Being treated kindly and cared for should not be something a person gets “used to”!” More tears.

“I’m sorry,” Izuku shook his head wildly.

“No! No “I’m sorry”! You shouldn’t be apologizing for this! You didn’t do anything to deserve it!” Izuku hissed back. His eyes glittering darkly.

“I just need to work harder, is all… I let Yoarashi get under my skin and… it set me back…” Izuku howled frustration.

“No! Stop! Do not justify what that bas—Endeavor does to you, Shouto! I don’t care that I have to take notes for you when you come back from “visiting” home on the weekends! I do care that you barely exist for several days… it’s like watching a machine go through the motions. Then by the time you do come back… it’s just in time for him to steal you away again… That is what hurts me!” Toshinori leaned back around the corner letting the coolness of the stone at his back shock away the dizziness that had invaded his mind.

It all fit.

The thousand yard stare that would be young Todoroki’s default until called on. The many nights they had watched young Todoroki wander the common room unable to settle. Watching young Midoriya corral the young man and usher him to bed. The many times he would be nursing injuries that didn’t come from class training. The way he sometimes startled like a deer when voices became raised.

Abused.

One of his students was being abused.

And Izuku knew it.

Why…?

Why hadn’t he said anything?  

“I just—wished you could see what I see, Shouto,” came Izuku’s voice. Toshinori looked back around. Izuku was still standing where they were before, but Todoroki had turned away from him. He had taken a few steps toward Toshinori’s position but stopped. His eyes were firmly planted in the ground.

“You are so talented… smart… funny, often unintentionally, but that’s ok…” Izuku said weakly with a chuckle. “You are so kind and strong! You give so much! I wish you could see that you are enough! Nothing about you is wrong or needs fixing, especially not by that—sorry excuse of a “hero”!” The venom with which Izuku spat out the word ‘hero’, made a shiver run down Toshinori’s spine. Shigaraki would be hard pressed to match it.

“Enough?” came a small echo. Todoroki’s arms were folded around himself, squeezing tight. He looked every bit the lost child he was right then. Toshinori’s heart twisted painfully. Suddenly, he was taken back to a day almost two years ago. A small boy with a mess of green curls folded in on himself, shaking with untold pathos, tears flowing freely.

You, too, can be a hero…

“You are always enough for me…” Izuku said softly into stillness between them. Todoroki’s knees hit the sidewalk and the boy wailed. How long…? Toshinori had wondered then. How long had that poor child been waiting for someone to see him? Like Izuku that day on the street, he was releasing years of pain. Wild, out of control sobs tore from Todoroki’s throat. They were only softened when Izuku gathered Todoroki into his arms and pressed the boy’s face into his chest.

Toshinori was brought back to the present by more of Yamada’s loud laughter. He shook his head but went back to work answering emails and working on his lesson plans. Even as he worked, his mind wandered back to the other instances that he accidently stumbled on romantic interactions between the two.

Midoriya. Fingers dancing by his side as he watched Todoroki triumph during a class exercise. Followed by Midoriya with his arms around Todoroki as he peppered his face with excited kisses, exclaiming how proud he was between each one. The other teen blushing but grinning under the onslaught. The two lost in their own world in a small alcove along one of the deserted hallways in the school.

Todoroki. Watching Midoriya as he tackled another class problem with the same determination as always. Eyes alight with so many different emotions, even if they didn’t make it onto his face. When Midoriya and his team completed their task in spectacular fashion, Todoroki swept his successor up in a hug, short and to point. Toshinori just caught the fleeting, but intense glance of admiration and adoration in both boy’s eyes before they separated.

Toshinori had fibbed to young Izuku in the infirmary a few days prior. While the teachers were keeping a closer eye on the students and their whereabouts, he had not learned about their relationship through school surveillance he had known since that conversation he had overheard. His guilt kept him from owning up to his eavesdropping.

“Well… I knew that wouldn’t take long,” sighed Aizawa. Toshinori looked up. Most of the teachers were gathered around the man. Toshinori joined them. Endeavor had left a rather sternly worded comment on the school’s social media page… in the direct messages, of course. The man had an image to maintain after all.

It was a rambling rant about image and who knows what else. But his last paragraph, aimed at Toshinori specifically, made him see red.

‘I challenge you to quit playing at being a teacher and let someone else show Shouto how to be a proper hero! I did not spend all that time training him for your protégée to squander it! He is well aware of Shouto’s purpose and he is using my son’s mindless infatuation to spite me. Do your job and tell that boy of yours to play with someone else…’

Play?! This fool of a man thinks that Izuku is playing?! The same Izuku that was desperately trying to hold the boy you broke together? The Izuku that was proving daily that he would be a better hero than even he had been? That Izuku?!

“May I?” Toshinori asked. Aizawa gave him a dubious look… but got up from his chair. Toshinori took a seat in front of the monitor. His fingers flew over the keyboard with no hesitation.

‘This is All Might. I am not sure what your idea of Shouto’s purpose is or why you think young Midoriya knows about it. But… as far as myself and the staff here at UA are concerned the only purpose young Todoroki has here is to be a good student. Which he excels at marvelously. He is here to grow and learn, sometimes about things outside of academics and combat.

We technically cannot say or do anything regarding their relationship as there are no rules against this. It violates their social autonomy something coded not only in UA’s bylaws but Musutafu’s as well. Our hands are tied in this matter.

As for your challenge, I will admit that I am still very new to teaching and am learning as I go. But if your challenge is to be a better teacher that helps young Todoroki continue to grow into the wonderful young man I know he can be… then: Challenge Accepted.’  

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Would you like your work to be featured in the 365 Days of TodoDeku Project? Apply here! (≧∇≦)/

[kariachi]

And we’re going to try for another two episodes today, which’ll be the last season 4 ones I have access to in a language I know for a while. So after today we’ll probably be getting breaks of at least a week between liveblogs. But that’s something to worry about then, this is now, and we’re going for What Rhymes With Omnitrix.

There’s poetry in this episode, I love poetry. Ya know before I settled deep into fic I used to mostly do poetry? Anymore I only rarely do, but back in like the sixth, seventh grade? Poetry all over the place. Then I realized I could induce emotion better through narrative prose and dialogue and a true ficcer was born.

Anyway, is another Kevin episode of course, and Charm but who gives two shits about Charm, so let’s get into it! My son and poetry!

~~

They’re just dropping us right in with Charm, who has poetry very blatantly about Gwen and how she hates her. In public. Can’t fault the kid for confidence or dedication.

This girl and Kevin both need therapy, preferably in different cities because last time she and Kev were in the same space he looked this close to killing her and while that would be entertaining to watch, kinda hard to go to therapy when a pissed off tween is carving your bones into parts for his latest piece of tech. Because if anybody would tap into the necromantic arts purely as a fuck you to someone he’d already killed, it’s reboot!Kevin.

‘Ode to Hating Gwen So Much #16′ Charm, kiddo, you need therapy and a hobby. Have you considered felting? Maybe videogames? A couple hours of Terraria would do you good.

Polite people at the (presumably) Amateur Poetry Night.

Oh look, a Kevin. Of course any book you carry around is gonna be black, you aesthetic mess.

Also can I pause a moment here in appreciation for every bathroom we’ve seen so far I think appearing to be unisex? Very nice.

“Conning” and here is where I heave a sigh and my bloodpressure goes up a bit, because what she did to Kevin was not conning in any way, that was clearly and blatantly magical enslavement complete with chains, torture, and mindcontrol. You can’t just downplay that shit like this and expect me to go along with it, not when the sequel series already tended to pull that, especially with regards to Charmcaster doing that sorta shit. You do not get to blatantly show Kevin being forced to do things against his will, being tortured for fighting back, and then try to pass it off as him having been tricked into working with her. What the fuck is with this franchise with having Charm do horribly evil shit and then just waving it off?

At least Kevin still clearly hates her.

Charm trying to play like she’s actually gotten more powerful since they last saw each other and is not, ya know, powerless in front of somebody she literally tortured and who is bigger than her even without his shapechanging watch. At least she’s reacting appropriating even if Kevin isn’t. Laying it on kinda thick though for someone who just ruined her makeup with tears not three minutes ago.

Are these children both trying to outbluff each other? Oh that works. I can totally work with a Kevin who’s kinda scared of Charm after what she did, alongside a Charm that’s definitely scared of Kevin now that she’s powerless and has hurt him so bad. That is something I can enjoy. Not that Kevin does it particularly well, but he’s young yet and anyway he doesn’t need to bluff well to avoid trouble here, he just needs to fall for Charm’s bluff.

And lo, the classic ‘we bumped into each other and dropped our books, then each grabbed the wrong book when we walked away’ trope. Always a good one. I hope they realize they have the wrong books fast though, given they look nothing alike.

Definitely a unisex bathroom, nice.

Charm’s uncle gave her a magic amulet. I’ve seen people theorize this is referring to Hex, but I don’t think that makes sense given what we know of either of them so far so I’m not giving the reboot back those points.

Of course Slam Poetry Night attracts a Rath. Of course. I wondered how they were going to get Ben into this.

Max really needs to stop using slang from any decade. It’s just painful.

Gwen sees Kevin take the stage and just, “oh no”.

So, this is definitely where Kev realizes he has Charm’s book, he’d have to, it’s full of somebody else’s poetry.

Also can I just say 1) I am proud of my baby for going into poetry, it is very good for working through your emotions (am proud of Charm for that too, but, ya know, my son vs Charm) and 2) I am not surprised to see him being into poetry given the sheer number of books we see him owning in other series. Like, at least 65, which doesn’t seem like a lot until you remember he’s probably only been acquiring them over the past few years, if not just over the course of the sequels, and that he’d have to be putting aside time specifically to read them given how much shit he’s shown doing regularly. Basically- my boy is literary and it’s wonderful.

And he has realized this ain’t his book.

Ben no heckling! There are rules and manners to the world you know! Gwen smack him.

And upon being heckled Kevin just tosses the book and decides to freestyle it ‘I came out here to have a good time but bitch if you wanna go I’ll go’ style.

He’s not bad. Especially when you consider he’s, so small. As nix would put it ‘this is a fetus’.

Ben, not happy with getting called out.

Ooo, complete with dropping the mike and walking away, point to Kevin! That is Kevin 1:Ben 0 so far this episode.

Ben just the living embodiment of that Pikachu meme after that.

Climbing on stage to try to win a point for himself in this battle of the wordsmithing. Godspeed, Tennyson.

Rath is being Rath and Kevin is just, not impressed. He knows he’s won, he knows Ben is rising to the bait and can’t do shit.

Kevin glancing out into the crowd like ‘am I the only one seeing him being this... wtf? tell me I’m not, we’re all seeing this right?’

Kevin trying to point out to Rath that he is not rapping, not even close, wtf Tennyson. The best part being, I’m fairly sure he’s offended on behalf of all rap at Rath’s complete failure to even be in the same ballpark.

And Ben times out, thank fuck, maybe we can make some progress here before Kevin kicks his ass just to defend the honor of a whole artistic medium.

Also I’m already counting the above as point 2 to Kev.

He hasn’t even started and I’m in pain.

Not eight words in and already Kevin is even less impressed and I’m in even more pain. Just gonna channel Ben trying to rap when I head into urgent care, that should be enough pain to chill me out.

Not even a verse in and Gwen and Max are this close to skipping town and just, abandoning Ben here. “Tennyson? No, no, we’re the Smith family, never seen that kid before, think he might be delusional.”

Point Kevin. He didn’t even have to do anything for this one, just not be Ben.

So that’s Kevin 3:Ben 0, so far this episode.

“Even your grandpa wants you off the stage.” Which is true, but gets Kevin dive-tackled offstage anyway.

Hello Charm, back again I see.

And now it is your turn to realize you have the wrong book?

Oh gods Kevin put effort into making his alien names cooler than Ben’s. And the early ideas were shit. But it worked in the end, so hey. At least we can assume his band-related naming scheme is deliberate in-character. Good on him, too, for writing everything down, it’s good for reference and can help get thoughts straight. (part of why it’s good for dealing with emotional shit)

Don’t you side-eye the camera, child, you mean to tell me you just jumped straight to Charmcaster without any stupid name ideas along the way?

“You started it!”“No you started it!” Okay boys, take you shoving match elsewhere and also Ben, Kev’s right, you are the one who started it with your heckling.

Charmcaster is just, not for Gwen existing in the same area as her. Gwen, meanwhile, is just surprised to see her.

Charm I don’t know what you’re looking for in there, it’s a tween engineer’s private journal, it’s not gonna have anything you can use against Gwen. Against Kevin, probably, against Gwen, not likely.

Charmcaster you cannot get up anyone’s ass about emo poetry when you recited ‘Ode To Hating Gwen So Much #16′ on stage. Pot, kettle, black.

It’s a poetry powered amulet. Either that or Kevin’s poetry counts as spellwork. I wonder if there’s something specific you have to do to make a poem count as a spell or if it’s just whatever works as long as it’s a magic user reading it aloud? Because Charm clearly ain’t meaning to cast this as a spell, at least at first, and yet. That seems kind of worrying though, if that’s the case. I mean what happens if a warlock tries to read his kid some Shel Silverstein at bedtime?

What happens if a sorcerer recites It’s Raining Pigs And Noodles?

I don’t know whether I’m more concerned to continue listening or for how Kevin’ll react if he notices Charm is reading his poetry aloud. I mean this is sounding like a personal one (and speaking as a former 11yo poet with Issues, I know what that sounds like) and gods if somebody I didn’t like was reading one of mine aloud I don’t know if I’d have broken down or killed them where they stood.

Gods I’m gonna have to rewatch this episode when it ends up on CN’s site so I can get a proper transcript of this, their captioning works right.

Welp. I knew emo poetry was powerful but this takes the cake.

Charm that is not your shit! Go find your book again! Or are you worried your shit isn’t as strong as his? I mean I’m getting more and more convinced this isn’t something he’d have been reading aloud.

Oh gods it does only go for real poetry! She tries to throw in some stuff built for spellcrafting and the amulet nopes right out! ‘Sorry, kiddo, there’s gotta be emotion involved or it’s just not happening’.

Hopefully that answers the Pigs And Noodles question

I’m kinda hoping Charm’s mini reign of terror is ended by a beet red Kevin divetackling her from offscreen and wrenching his journal from her. Bonus points if he gets her upside the head with it.

Gotta love when youtube decides to while you’re trying to pause on a scene.

Meanwhile, the boys have worn themselves out with their fighting and arguing.

Kevin, panicking because Charmcaster has his notebook and is also reading it aloud. As is the only proper response to such things.

Ben- out to stop Charmcaster because she a dangerous badguy Kevin- out to stop Charmcaster because she is reading his poetry aloud AAAAA

Charmcaster pls, stop being an ass for seven seconds

Child you cannot just recruit emo boys to write you sad poetry! Especially not after you just read their poetry aloud without their okay, it’s just not right! Besides, that’s not the look of someone who wants anything other than for you to close the book and forget you ever saw anything that was in there.

Charm: Work with me Kevin: Fuck you and the horse you rode in on

“You two are weak” Chamrcaster you only have power right now because you’re taking it from his poetry. I’m pretty sure that puts him above you on the scale by default.

Kevin, joining Team Tennyson purely to get back his notebook. Again, perfectly valid.

TL;DR: Kevin accidentally wrote a spellbook

I’m still wondering what it is that makes his poems work but not Charm’s actual spells? Is it the emotion behind them? In UAF magic was made of life force, in theory putting enough emotion into your writing could maybe imbue the words with magic? Is the solution to this puzzle that Kevin was feeling so strongly when he wrote this shit that they became magic on their own? Or does the amulet just search for true emotion in words and make it so? How is this all working?

If these boys could stop fighting each other for like 13 seconds we might actually get something done.

Charmcaster sealed Gwen’s voice with poetry. Welp.

Welp, the old ‘everything’s an enemy’ illusion trope. Not an illusion this time, but same deal.

Kevin: *easily sees through the spell because Charmcaster!Humongasaur keeps growing his damn tail* “You’d have to be a complete nincompoop not to see through this, right Tennyson?” Ben: *falls right for the spell*

Damnit Ben, Kevin thought you were better than that.

“I can’t not hit the dweeb now.” These children.

Charmcaster leave the innocent bystanders alone!

It takes Ben hearing himself get called Dweebyson to realize he’s fighting Kevin. Kevin knew the deal from the word go. Have I mentioned which one is my son?

Kevin makes Ben embarrass himself to prove he’s him, even though he already knows. Turns to him for a plan.

Kevin as Darkmatter: Finds Ben not timed in, fiddles with Omnitrix to bring it back up to charge, throws him at Charmcaster

“Stop her before she finishes that poem!” Well I’m concerned now

“I’ll show them all what I can do, I’m much more than a leech, their bodies paralyzed by words, their hearts grow heavy from my speech” Yes yes this was a very powerful verse magically I’ll unpause for the results in a second, do you see that second line? That second line there. Do I have to kill somebody? I have to kill somebody don’t I...

Huh, that verse increased gravity on the target(s).

Charm trying to recruit Kevin again, and he’s still turning her down because fuck her and everyone who looks like her. He looks so small in this frame. Very soft faced, he’s got two years younger from the stress of all this.

Oh and she’s pulling out WIPs to blackmail him into complying. I’m going to guess it’s less emo and more Gwen-focused, because I’ve seen media before in my life and know how that shit works. Would prefer more Kevin inner working stuff, but whatcha gonna do. If it is a love poem it’d knock down the rating though.

Also, when you’re so pissed the animators have to give you sharp teeth to emphasize it.

Okay, Kevin’s doodles are cute.

Also why do you have a note in your notebook denoting the secret shit Kevin? Do you have siblings or something? Who is going through your stuff, or that you’re worried might go through your stuff? Or are you just paranoid? It could be the last one.

Okay, so I’m paused on the poem in question and aww, Kevin’s ‘h’s go directly into his vowels. Yes I am commenting on his handwriting let me live. It’s an emotional poem and I’m working out things to say...

Kevin trying to claw his way forward to shut Charm up, it’s not working but he’s trying

Welp

Kevin, wearing a hoodie this episode purely so that during this scene he could drag it over his head to hide his embarrassment at having a poem about caring about Gwen read aloud.

I’m still deducting a point from the episode.

The good news is, the poem restored Gwen’s speech, which, I don’t know what Charm expected to happen there. Of course the semi-positive poem would have a positive effect, come on girl, do you know nothing of magic?

Okay, so, they’re gonna defuse Charm by using her own magic to silence her, via Kevin playing along and writing her a poem that’ll do just that. His improve abilities shall save the day, and what’s left of his pride.

Charm fuck off

Charm, digging your own grave, pls

And Kevin drops the hood when he sees Charm falling hook line and sinker, so proud of himself

Oh that was brilliant darling! “My spells undone, I’m speechless at my own defeat”, two lines and he not only stopped her but undid all the damage she caused! My son! My brilliant, poetic son!

Kevin, so smug

Gwen calling Charm’s ass out on treating people like toys when she of all people should know what that feel like

And not Charm’s amulet responds to her rhymes. Guess it does have to be tied to a proper emotion, rather than just being willy-nilly

Kevin is just happy to get his notebook back.

And Gwen compliments his work which, of course, leads to complete avoidance tactics. I don’t know what you expected Gwen, that last poem was all about him not knowing how to talk to you or even really having a solid hold on how he feels.

And we end with Kevin walking away as Ben disappoints everyone with more horrible rapping.

10/11, the Kevin stuff made up for the Charmcaster bullshit, but we still lose a point for Gwevin as is the rule. I continue to eye Kevin’s backstory with suspicion and suspense.

[ashes-and-ashes]

So, apparently it has been 6 months since I first started posting my stuff on Tumblr.

6 months! It feels so long and yet so short, all at the same time. Tumblr has become such a huge part of my life now, and I am so grateful that this community is so welcoming and accepting.

I remember when I decided to first write this. I always wanted to post my stuff on Tumblr, always wanted to be able to share my writing, but by God, I was so damn scared. I always made deadlines for myself, “I’ll post over Christmas! I’ll post on my Birthday!”

That was actually the major deadline for me! I always told myself that I’d start posting on my birthday, that it would be like a present to myself. At the time I set that goal for myself (August Something), March 11th seemed so far away, and I was basically procrastinating.

And one day, I was watching he Winter Soldier and I was thinking about Stucky. And it was 12 at night and I don’t know what happened, I just thought to myself, “Screw it. I want to write something and I’m going to post it.”

So I did. I spent 4 hours on this semi-decent fic and I got a grand total of 12 notes. And I was ecstatic because holy shit, 12 people like my stuff?

So I kept going! And now here I am! I think it’s pretty funny that the first thing I ever decided to write was an angsty fic about Stucky and their relationship.

Anyways, here it is down below! Thanks for supporting me, and encouraging me to keep writing! :)

Thoughts

Bucky’s falling, wind whispering in his ears, snow covering his face, the screeching of the train on top of him. A scream rises in his throat, as he stares up at the sky above him.

And suddenly, he’s 9 years old again, cracked shoes and dirty clothes, sitting on top of the swing set in the park. It was a hot day, a dry summer. He sees dead grass drying in the cracks in the pavement, hear the wind whistling through the trees.

And he hears them. There’s Ricky King, 3 years older then him, towering over all the boys in the neighborhood. He’s laughing, a group of older boy around him, all kicking at something hidden in the middle of the throng. Bucky finds himself leaning forwards, trying to catch a glimpse of what lay in the middle. The crowd shifts, and Bucky sees a tiny figure, all bones and cuts and the bluest eyes he’s ever seen. The boy is bleeding, marks all over his face, yet he still pushes himself off the ground, glares at Ricky, and says something that makes Ricky flush and punch him square in the jaw. And Bucky is angry, because surely the boy knows that talking will only get him more hurt? So he sits there, and watches the fight.

After 10 more minutes, the boys leave, and Bucky hops down off the swing set and heads over to check on the boy. He’s curled into a ball, yet when he glances up, his eyes are filled with defiance. Pain fills his every move as he slowly pushes himself to his feet, still glaring at Bucky. And Bucky is speechless, because why would you let yourself be tortured like that?

He doesn’t know what to do, so after a while, he says, “Um...are you ok?” The other boy nods his head, tears welling up in his eyes, desperately trying not to cry. Bucky is still frozen, helpless. He puts his arms around the other boy, because that’s what his mother did when he was sad, and gradually, the boy stops crying. He lets go, looks at the other boy in the eyes and says, “Hi. I’m Bucky.” The other boy smiles back, eyes red from crying, and says softly, “Hi. I’m Steve.”

And they are 13 now, young and careless and rebellious. Steve is still small, bones protruding from his chest and half a foot shorter then everyone else in school. Bucky is taller, broader, dark hair and darker eyes, and they are inseparable. They spend the days at school, learning math and english and science. Afterwards, they go to Steve’s place, into the forest behind his house, and Steve draws and Bucky climbs trees and they are happy. And he’s 13, getting looks from the girls in his class. They giggle, hide behind the gates at recess, and he sometimes hears them whispering when he exits the classroom. He’s confused, because he’s never noticed these things, never noticed anything besides Steve, and he wonders if something is wrong with him.

They’re 14. Bucky is tall, towering over Steve, who is still skin and bones and blue eyes. It’s winter, bitterly cold, and they can’t light the fire because logs cost too much. They lie huddled in the narrow bed, Steve against the wall and Bucky pressing close to him. Steve is barely breathing, his last asthma attack not even 10 minutes ago. He shivers, the movement shaking the entire bed, and Bucky presses closer. He hesitates, because he is 14 and should he really be sharing a bed with his friend? And he hates himself for it, hates that little voice of doubt in his head because Goddamn it, he’s your best friend for Christ sakes Bucky! but he can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong. He’s noticing things, the curve of Steve’s wrist as he turned the page on the sketch book, the way his hair fell over his face, how his cheekbones and nose casted a shadow over his lips when the sun was in the right place in the sky.

And Bucky is scared, because this wasn’t the way things were supposed to be like? He almost edges away from the sleeping figure of Steve, but another wave of coughing overwhelms Steve’s thin body, and Bucky is back to his old spot on the bed. He reaches over, wraps an arm around Steve’s bony ones and holds him tight.

And they are 15, and Steve still can’t fade from Bucky’s mind. He tries to hide it, destroy it, burry it with wine and women and dancing. He takes his shoes, shines them until you couldn’t see the cracks in them, smiles to hide the holes in his heart. He spends the days working at the docks, hauling box after box after box. The money is barely enough to get by, the work exhausting, but Bucky can’t quit, because he now has to support not only himself, but Steve as well.

And it hurts. Everyday, 5 in the morning until 7 at night, hauling boxes and tying knots, until his back is screaming and his fingers are bloody. He waits outside of the apartment that him and Steve share, looking at himself in the shard of mirror hanging outside of the front door, pasting a smile on his face and he clenches his teeth hard. He knows that if he breaks down, Steve would be out on the streets, and he would not, could not abandon Steve. He’s 15, working his ass off, trying to support 2 orphans, and still when he falls asleep, all he can see are Steve’s blue eyes in his dreams.

They are 16, the world going to absolute shit around them, and all Steve wants to do is fight for his country. “They are ENSLAVING people over their Buck,” he says one evening, glaring at the radio set in front of them. “I need to help. I can’t...I can’t just stay here and do nothing!”

Dread pools in Bucky’s stomach, because how can he protect Steve if he is somewhere in a goddamn war zone? but he holds it together, smiles, manages a small “calm down pip-squeak,” and exits the room.

He’s scared, because he knows that while the army may never take Steve, they’d sure as hell take him, and then Steve would be on his own. He can’t handle that, the thought of leaving for some separate country, and never seeing Steve again. It’s worse though, because despite all that’s happened, he can’t stop having those dreams. Dreams of Steve’s hands on his body, and those blue eyes, and kissing him, Bucky’s hands tangling in his hair. He’s disgusted with himself, knows that this is wrong, but he can’t decide if he is relieved or wrecked that he may leave without ever telling Steve Rogers the words I love you.

They are 17, now, the war still raging around them. They’ve been lucky so far, but Bucky knows that this luck can’t hold for much longer. Steve is at the recruiting station everyday, a different state on his form every time, and yet all Bucky can do is stare at the envelope placed in front of him at work. His name is printed in bold letters on the paper, James Buchanan Barnes, and the only thing that runs through Bucky’s head is Steve. Because the day had finally come, the clock had run out. He knew that they were on borrowed time, knew that every moment was another moment lost, but goddamn him, he thought they would have more of it. And he knows he’s going to die there, die without ever saying goodbye to Steve, and he can’t think, his breath coming in tight bursts. He stands up, shoves his chair underneath the table with a violent jerk, and somehow he is standing outside the apartment, in his uniform, his hat cocked to one side, and trying not to fall apart.

He opens the door, finds the window open and sees a note saying On Roof. He climbs out the window, sees Steve on the roof, and his heart catches in his throat because he is so freaking beautiful, all golden and shadows, and all he wants to do is to kiss him. Steve comes over, smiling, greets him with a simple “Hey Buck.”

He leans over, puts his arm around Bucky, and Bucky feels his heart hammering in his chest. Steve notices this, turns his head towards Bucky, a confused expression on his face and goddamn him in hell, but Bucky can’t take it. They are only a short distance apart, and Bucky leans forwards and meets Steve’s lips with his own.

And Steve stiffens for a moment, and Bucky nearly pulls away, petrified because shit, shit, shit what if he didn’t like me in that way?? And he is about to apologize, beg his forgiveness when Steve pulls him closer and kisses him again.

They are 2 boys, rain pouring down on top of them, buckets and buckets of it, and yet all either of them can do is breathe each other in. And Bucky pulled away, looking at Steve Rogers in the eyes, and thinks how can I let this go?

And as Bucky falls, he remembers. Days and days of golden summer, crisp fall. Lying in beds as boys, pressing Steve against his body. Sitting in trees, Steve drawing and Bucky reading. Snowball fights and sleepovers and campfires and how the light reflected off of Steve’s face. 2 boys kissing on the rooftop, not giving a damn what others thought as the skies opened on top of them. And he was grateful. Grateful for all that stolen time, those early days and late nights, that hot summer day long ago, because without Steve, Bucky knew that his life would be meaningless.

So Bucky fell, thousands of miles off a steel train, and the last thing he saw was the blue eyes of the boy he loved best.

[mygiantesslove]

Christmas Eve at My Cousins Feet

Bianca Puts Her Slave To Work (16)

December 24th 9:00pm

Sleeping peacefully in Bianca's sock you dreamed of growing back to normal and playing Halo and Grand Theft Auto.

Yelling and inaudible words are heard in the background. A door slams. Before you knew it you were awoken with a start and the red and green Xmas sock was turned upside down and you were dumped in front of your cousin’s two immaculate large soles. She says something to herself and then yells loudly.

"Now Start Rubbing My Feet."

You know better than to refuse her after what happened last time when she stepped on you and crushed you with every part of her body, inside and out. Immediately you sprang up from her cushioned bed and ran to her heel and began to move your hands up and down and all around the curved edges of her foot.

Eventually, you climbed up to the middle of her sole and then started massaging the ball of her foot. After 40 minutes you made it up to her big toe and she finally spoke to you after ignoring you this whole time.

"Make sure you massage each and every toe and I want special details given in between my big and second toe. Start at my pinky and then work your way up, Slave."

You shimmied your way over to her little toe and began massaging at the base of it. The closer you got to her big toe, the smellier her feet became and the more you had to struggle to avoid passing out while worshipping your Goddess.  Bianca laid there relaxing in the glory that she had been forcing a grown boy to rub her feet and do it like his life depended on it. (It probably did).

(Bianca's POV)

She reclined her head on her fluffy pillow, closed her eyes and smiled contently as the miniature man slaved away at pleasing his new Goddesses feet. She felt wonderful. Bianca had taken someone away from their normal life and was now forcing her tiny useless cousin to actually do something useful with his life and work hard to please her.

"(Relaxed sigh) Ahhhhh, this is the life.)

She sipped on a glass of lemonade and watched her cousin try to move to her middle toe without falling off and having to climb up her foot again. She giggled occasionally as he looked so helpless but at the same time, it just felt so right. Like that was where he belonged.

(Bianca's thoughts)

""It’s almost as if this was his Destiny that he ended up shrunk and at my feet. I can’t think of anything else he could’ve done better with his life since he was always such a useless dolt. Look at him now trying to move to my second toe and hugging it like a pathetic bug of a man. He would’ve been going to college this year but instead, he has the School of Feet to attend to. hahaha. To think yesterday he was just a normal guy but now he’s at the mercy of a teenage girl who wants to do nothing but toy with him. I really should’ve done this sooner. I can’t believe he's working so hard right now I wonder if it’s because I said I would eat him if he failed to please me? Or maybe it was when I put him in my panties? Let’s find out.""

"Hey Jake, why are you working so hard? A few hours ago you didn’t seem too happy to be underneath my Beautiful Feet. Was it because I squished you between my Breasts?"

"I don’t want to get crushed at all. Every part of your body scares me and if massaging your feet is what I have to do to avoid punishment, then I’ll do it."

Bianca fakes sounding disappointed "Oh that's too bad. I thought you were putting the extra effort into it because you really loved my Pretty Feet. By the way which part of my body did you dislike the most?"

Jake shudders as he remembers the most horrid part of Bianca’s body.

"It had to be your butt. Not only did it hurt to be crushed but when you pressed me to your hole I couldn’t stand the smell or the feeling of touching it."

"That’s good to know. Now that I know you fear my derriere the most, I can stick you in my ass anytime you disobey me."

Jake curses himself for not saying her boobs or her belly button and asks "So...So you’re not going to eat me then?"

 "I never said that. There’s still a chance you could end up in the pit of my stomach or become a blood stain at the bottom of my foot, but it all depends if you want to be an Obedient pet or not. I'll let you decide that based on how well you show your love to me and my feet."

(Jakes POV)

Fearful of ending up in the different holes of Bianca's body you get to in-between her big and second toes and massage as hard as you can. Coming back to being her footslave might’ve been a bad idea. You completely forgot about the unique ways she had of terminating your status as her personal slave.

 "If I don’t try hard enough she'll get tired of me, but if I try too hard I won’t have any time for any other thoughts except how to please My Giant Teenaged Mistress. Either way, it looks like I’m screwed. I should’ve escaped when I had the chance. Now I don’t know when she'll let me out of her sight again, but even if I do manage to escape how will I get anyone’s attention? (Crazy thoughts start to come back) But I guess being Bianca's foot slave isn’t That bad..d I'll always have someone to take care of me and I’ll never go hungry with a giant girl providing me with large pieces of food. (You look up at Bianca with her head back and smiling face at your subservience.) Plus she's so pretty I’m such a lucky guy to have a cute cousin to enslave me and make me smell her feet, instead of some ugly girl kidnapping me instead. I should really start treating her like the beautiful Goddess that she is. Right now, at this size, without her, I’m nothing, just another bug that will eventually be stepped on by Bianca or my Aunt. I should...I should.... arghhhh I should stop thinking such crazy thoughts. I don’t know what I’m going to do right now or what's going to happen tonight or tomorrow. All I can do is wait and see what Fate has in store for me."

Jake was really defeated, but he still had to massage her largest toe. Bianca was finished with her foot masseuse for the night and said

 "Okay, Jake I’m going to sleep now. You can spend the rest of the night in whichever part of my sock you like. I Don't Care."

The sky of her room was replaced by the cotton inside of her green, red and white Christmas sock and soon the toe section covered you and pressed you against her second and third toes. You tried to crawl in between them for warmth, but instead, you slid down until you were just above her heel with your face pressed into the stinky flesh of her foot.

Bianca turned her foot on its side and went to sleep dreaming of the presents she would be getting tomorrow. While you were being forced to inhale the stinky aroma all around you and prayed that Bianca's feet didn’t sweat during the night.

[yup-ng]

Girls who survived Nigeria's baby factory share their stories

Girls who ended up in IDP camps after escaping Boko Haram attacks have told of how they were deceived by human traffickers who then forced them to become baby-making machines in baby factories. The girls shared their story with Al Jazeera. They told of how they were trafficked from the north to eastern Nigeria, raped almost daily by different men, then had their babies taken from them when they gave birth. 16-year-old Miriam (not real name) told of how a middle-aged woman she knew as "Aunty Kiki" approached her when she stepped out of her tent to fetch water near the Madinatu Internally Displaced Persons (IDP) camp in Borno state in January last year.  She asked Miriam if she was interested in moving to Enugu to work as a housemaid for a monthly salary.  Miriam, who is now 17, wasted no time in accepting the offer and began to prepare for her trip to the east the following day. She told her 17-year-old cousin, Roda (not real name), about it and advised her to approach Aunty Kiki. When Roda, who is now 18, met Aunty Kiki the next morning, she asked if there was a job for her, too. The woman quickly agreed, so Roda packed her bags. "We were both very excited to travel to Enugu," Miriam says. "We had suffered so much for four years and were happy to go somewhere new to start a new life." Miriam and Roda fled, leaving other members of their family behind. They did not have time to tell anyone they were going.

First, they travelled with Aunty Kiki to Maiduguri. Then a 12-hour journey to Abuja followed. They spent the night there in the home of a woman who knew Aunty Kiki.  The next day, after a nine-hour journey, they reached Enugu. Aunty Kiki took them to a compound where she handed them over to an elderly woman she called "Mma" and told the girls to do whatever the woman asked of them. "The compound had two flats of three bedrooms each, filled with young girls, some of them pregnant," says Miriam. "Aunty Kiki said it was where we'd be working." At first, the girls thought their jobs were to clean the compound and do household chores as Aunty Kiki had led them to believe. But this was not the case. "Mma asked that we stay alone in separate rooms for that first night," Miriam explains. "We were surprised because the other girls in the compound were sharing rooms, some of which had four people in them." Late that night, according to Miriam, a man walked into her room, ordered her to take off her clothes, held her hands tightly, and raped her. The same thing happened to Roda, but her rapist was much more brutal. "When I tried to scream, he covered my mouth and gave me a dirty slap," Roda says. "If he saw tears in my eyes, he slapped me even more." The next day, the girls were moved to shared rooms with others, only being sent to single rooms when they were required to "work". Both girls say they were raped almost daily by several different men.  They believe that Mma and Aunty Kiki work together in the same trafficking cartel and that Mma is the leader of the group. Within a month, they were both pregnant. But still, they were raped. "It doesn't matter whether you are six weeks or six months pregnant," says Roda. "If any of the men wants you, you can't say no." It was pointless trying to escape, they explain, because the compound was guarded by men with guns. Around a dozen girls were living in the compound when Miriam and Roda first arrived. But the number would change as the girls gave birth and were sent away, before new girls were brought in to produce more children for the cartel. Miriam gave birth to a baby boy in the compound, with the assistance of a midwife who was called in from outside. But her son was taken from her. Three days later, she was blindfolded and taken to a bus station where her traffickers made sure she boarded a vehicle back to the north. "They didn't want me to know the way to the compound, that's why they covered my face," she explains. "I was given 20,000 naira to assist in my transportation to my destination." She first went to Abuja where she spent a night on the street before boarding a commercial vehicle back to Maiduguri. Like Miriam, Roda was also discarded after she gave birth to a boy.   The cousins were reunited in Madinatu, where they are now living together in a small mud house, not far from the camp they were trafficked from. "Luckily, we got to Madinatu on the same day," says Miriam, who spent weeks on the streets of Abuja, before she was able to make her way back to the northeast.  "We thought it was no longer safe to stay in the camp, so talked to the man who owns this place to let us stay here." To earn money, the girls now make and sell groundnut cakes at a mini kiosk just outside their compound. The girls do not know how much their children were sold for but it was revealed that baby boys are more expensive than girls in the baby sale business. "Some traffickers let their victims leave after giving birth because they believe if girls stay for too long, they could develop a plan to expose the trade," explains Abang Robert, public relations head of Caprecon Development and Peace Initiative, an NGO focused on rehabilitating victims of human trafficking in Nigeria. "They are scared of sabotage." Baby factories are more common in the southeastern part of Nigeria, where security operatives have carried out several raids, including an operation last year when 19 pregnant girls and four children were rescued. Miriam and Roda are not the first to be trafficked from the Madinatu camp. There have been many reports of girls being trafficked from the camp to cities in Nigeria and to countries including Italy, Libya, Niger and Saudi Arabia. The victims are often promised good jobs only to end up being exploited or enslaved, Al Jazeera reveals. Read the full article

[bairdbc]

Broken

Read a book. James Frey's A Million Little Pieces. I am different for having read it. Even if the book made Oprah mad. It taught me. It was a textbook that made the world more sensible yet chaotic at the same time. It scared me and shocked me and disturbed while it soothed and quieted my soul. If I never meet James Frey face to face, I know him. I know him because he is all of us. A man who fought and sometimes won and sometimes lost. When he lost, he lost big. To us, his addiction cost him his sanity, security and sense but to him it was survival.

I think the more we screw up, the less we have to lose so we keep screwing up. The moment love enters the picture, the stakes get high and we are at a crossroads. One arrow points to change, the other to death. The guy holding the signs is an old, familiar friend who has been waiting, waiting on your realization. The awareness that your day of reckoning was on its way, it was inevitable. It will hit you fast and hard. You know that Voice. It's that part of you that is always opposing the wrong you do, that familiar Voice. The Voice that quietly speaks. Some of you stopped hearing it decades ago. Your sensitivity and awareness of Truth within you has been drowned in bad decisions, fear and shame. That Voice never left and never stopped speaking. It's just that the "Fury" in you was louder. The shame and self-hatred's rage drowned the Truth.

When I read Frey's "thanks page" I cried. The horror of Frey's life and his actions didn't make me cry until I read who helped him. Those that loved him when he didn't love himself. Those that saw the Truth within Him and forgave and saved.

As I held the book close, I thought about the broken, the lost and lonely. I felt their plea and their plight. It broke my heart.

On St. Patrick's Day on Saturday, I was surrounded by revelry and mayhem. Some were innocently watching the festivities with their families while others were abusing it. It was an event that drew all and those that wanted release for just one day suffered for their cause. One in particular, one sight specifically, has haunted me. I saw the broken-up close and personal-and it haunted me. I thought of James and Roy and Leonard and Miles and Lilly. I realized I was watching true, unadulterated suffering in its most tragic form and I could do nothing. He was a man of 22 or 27 (his face was so marred that I really couldn't tell). He was sitting on a parking tile with a 2 liter of Dr. Pepper in one hand and a handle of Whiskey in the other. He was alone. His only objective was to get one sip of Whiskey and chase it with Dr. Pepper. He was unsuccessful. He could not find his mouth and he fell quickly against the pavement spilling his precious liquid. He was so battered and swollen, not from a fight but from his own stumbling and disillusionment. Everyone surrounding him did not watch in horror but with reckless beguiling and laughter. He was a nuisance that was embarrassing himself and providing wonderful entertainment to the passerby's. I stopped and gawked myself, a simple Christian girl seeing something she had never seen. My naiveté was blatant and nauseating.

I have never seen the inside of a crack house or whore house or jail house. I have seen the aftermath of these perilous behaviors but never seen them in real time. I wanted to go to him and save him and be the Good Samaritan that I knew I could be but instead I kept walking. I passed him by as we all did, just like the Priest and the Levite in the story. Yes. It was obvious. He had done it to himself but maybe that didn't/shouldn't matter. He was my neighbor and he needed me.

What could I have done? I am a 28 year old female who can barely lift my couch when I need to vacuum the floor but what do I have? I have a heart that breaks for you. A heart that weeps for you.

His memory, him wasting away on the street haunted me the entire day. That night, my boyfriend Jason and I were watching March Madness and I was memorizing my words to the kids for church and I had to stop. I looked over at Jason who was yelling at VCU and Indiana and asked him if we could pray. He smirked. He put out his hand. I know what he is thinking or...maybe I don't. He says, "Absolutely." I pray for that son or brother or husband or nephew or grandson who was withering away on the street. I cry for him and I ask God to give him a bed and blanket and heat for the night because I knew it was getting colder. I prayed that someone who could would love him and remind him not to hate himself. I wanted him to know Love, real perfect love that cast out fear and saves. I said Amen and I went back to my task of memorizing.

I may have passed him by but I will never forget what He taught me. He taught me to never dismiss the broken.

I thought of the blind beggar in the Bible who was begging for the Messiah. The nuisance on the street who all ignored, even the disciples. I thought of the woman with the issue of blood and the woman caught in adultery. I thought of the demon possessed man and the man who laid beside the pool of Bethesda for decades. I thought of the paralytic who was lowered through the roof and the rich young ruler and the ten lepers and those that cried "crucify Him!" I thought of the lame and the deaf and the dumb and the stupid and the irresponsible and the fool and the thief and the liar and the whore. I thought of the sinner. The broken and the lost imprisoned by their pain. Whether self-inflicted or victims of fate, they are enslaved by their circumstance and Jesus never passed them by. The only time he passed them by is when He was carrying their shame and guilt and mistakes and failures on an old, splintered cross that bore into His flesh and marred His frame, breaking him and ruining Him. He was scarred by harm and addiction and anger as He was hammered to wood left to die. As the darkness ensued, and the light left, He forgave and took it. He endured without blame or anger or resentment. He accepted and submitted to the fate of all our mistakes. All our stupidity and failure. He did it because You and I matter. Our lives matter and our futures matter. He wants us to love like that. Love our neighbor as ourself and forget the past. It hangs on a tree. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. He died knowing we would fail over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. We would disgrace His name and His death. We would ignore it and spit on it and come back and ask for more. His answer is a smile and an outstretched hand that is marred with scars the size of a 9" nail.

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement, our need to obtain peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes that wounded Him, we are healed and made whole. Isaiah 53:5

Jesus never passes you by. He never refuses His love no matter how many times you need it.

I need it. I need it every second. I fail continually, say the wrong thing, judge another and speak without regard. I need Him. I shed my shame for His peace. I am made whole with blood that spilled so that it can cover and heal. Whether I am a victim or a initiator of my own demise, I submit to a God who IS love.

If you believe in love than you believe in God. God is Love. 1 John 4:16.

I cried today for the broken and the lost. I cried for you because you are loved. Crazy loved. I sang these words to Jesus as I cried...

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours

Everything I am for your kingdoms cause

As I go from nothing to Eternity

I sang them over you. If you are lost or broken or searching, these words are sung for you. If you don't have the strength to sing or speak, know that there is a God who sings for you and is waiting to rescue.  holding that sign that says "change" or "die". Choose love. It will change you.

[janeykath318]

Broken Shackles 13

Warning: This chapter is rather grim and discusses Jim’s history as a slave. Nothing graphic, but avoid if you need to. 

Jim was having a vid com with his new friend Bones the night before he left Vulcan. He'd spent almost five months there and it had done him a world of good giving him the peace and privacy he needed to heal.  Much as he hated to leave, (especially Spock), he was ready to move on with the next stage of remaking his life. "You ready to do this?" Bones asked. "It's quite a big culture change." "Yeah, Bones, I'm ready. Looking forward to furthering my education. Is Starfleet still ticked at me?" The doctor chuckled. "A little. Now the boneheaded Admirals that wouldn't listen to Pike are busy blaming each other for their lackluster policies that ended up with the son of a hero getting treated like a whore. Your testimony really struck a nerve." "Good." Jim clenched his jaw, feeling torn between irritation and satisfaction. He'd recently videotaped a testimony to aid in Pike's ongoing investigation into the trafficking issue and hadn't held anything back, deciding they didn't deserve to be spared the gory details.

                  ******** "For seven years, I was part of Lady Andromeda's household as her favored sexual "pet." Her husband spoiled her rotten and loved to watch when she had me in her bed. At first, I tried to fight it, but soon learned that only resulted in her trying crazy kinky stuff that was downright scary for a barely 16 year old. Not enjoying being trussed up from the ceiling, blindfolded and gagged, I just gave in the next time so it wouldn't be such a terrifying experience. As a result, I began to loathe my own body for responding the way it did."                       ********* Bones had seen it and called him with a grim expression to say how sickened he was and amazed at Jim's resilience and he'd support him in whatever he chose to do. He'd quit urging Jim to join Starfleet, but shamelessly shared how Pike, Barnett, Boyce and their associates were ready to knock some heads around. "I've never seen Chris on the verge of tears before, but during that video, it was obvious he was gettin' emotional. He really cares about you, Jim, and he hated what happened. Heck, I hate what happened." "You're a good man, Bones, and so is Chris. I'll make sure to keep you updated. Just getting that stuff off my chest has already helped."                               ******* "As a slave on the cattle farm of my second master, it was not uncommon for minor offenses like oversleeping or failing to complete the allotted tasks in time to be punished with 10-25 lashes with a whip. Major infractions, such as running away or stealing food were 30-50. I knew at least five slaves that died of starvation during my three years there."                    ******* "That's good, Jim. By the way, I met someone who says they knew you from your first enslavement. She got free a few years ago and joined up in Engineering. She keeps begging me to ask you if you'd be willing to talk sometime." "Oh, who is she?" Jim asked, wracking his brain for girls he'd met at Andromeda's. "Her name's Gaila, and she's a real fireball. So much energy, it’s dizzying. But maybe that's the pheromones, because she's an Orion." Jim couldn't believe his ears. "Gaila's still alive?? When she was sold to Lahnar I thought she was doomed!! I can't believe it!" Bones was grinning now. "Oh you bet she's still alive, all right. Very much so and she wants to talk to Jimmy, as she called you, as soon as possible." "Well," he said regretfully, "It may have to wait a few days until I'm settled down in my apartment on Betazed, but she's welcome to leave a message on my comm and I'll get back to her as soon as I can. Man, it's good to hear she got out of slavery, too." "Sure is," he agreed. "I'll let you go, now, Jim. Safe travels!" "Thanks Bones. I'll talk to you soon!" Jim looked around his little cool basement room after he'd signed off and thought how homey it had become to him in the last five months. He had little to pack, having arrived in nothing but his rags, and had gone shopping with Amanda for some respectable outfits (replicator clothes were somewhat flimsy). Jim had taken advantage of his inheritance for his schooling costs and was very thankful Pike had had charge of the trust rather than Frank. Still, even with all his purchases, he only needed one suitcase for his clothes, PADD, and other sundry necessities. "I don't know I can ever thank you enough," he told his hosts at dinner the night before he was to leave. "This is just the right sort of place I needed. You've all been so gracious to me, I feel like I'm leaving my family."                             ********* "As slaves, we had an unspoken support system built into protect each other and keep our spirits up. There was a young Andorian who got caught trying to escape and they were going to beat him. I asked if they could punish me instead because 40 lashes would kill him in the condition he was in. The overseer agreed I could take half, but he still had to punish Vrem. It hurt, but Vrem survived, so it was worth the bloody back. I remember we cleaned each other's wounds up afterward and he was so grateful. He asked me why I did it and I told him, "Because you're family."                    ******** Amanda's eyes were moist as she looked at Jim. "We're glad we could help, Jim and we very much consider you a part of our family so I'll be expecting a weekly update." "It is pleasing to see you recovering your health, James," added Sarek. "I wish you continued success in your studies and career. Our home is open to you should you choose to visit again." Spock said nothing, but her dark brown eyes were looking at him with more emotion than usual and she seemed to be very thoughtful. Afterward, he summed up the courage to ask her to come stargaze one last time and she agreed. Amanda gave them a curious look, but said nothing. "I'm going to miss this, Spock." Jim said at last, eyes fixed on the brilliantly starlit sky. "You will miss the stars?" She asked, turning to look at him. "The stars, the sand, the silence, I-Chaya." They smiled at each other at the mention of the fearsome looking pet that had scared Jim when he'd first arrived. The two had become friends and Jim was known to give the Sehlat rubs behind the ear that had him purring in contentment. "But, most of all the people: Your father and mother and most definitely you, Spock." Jim was having a hard time putting his feelings into words, but he gathered his courage up and went on. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to have a real relationship with my history, but you're the first woman I've met that made me wish I could. I....uh.....really like you, Spock." Good thing it was dark and she couldn't see his face flame at his awkward admission. She was probably repulsed, horrified, grossed out..... "You have feelings of a romantic nature for me?" Spock asked, looking at him intently. "Yes, I do." Jim confessed nervously. "I'm not trying to start something yet, because obviously it's a bad time, but I thought you should know so you could, maybe, think about the possibility?" "How logical of you, Jim. Yes, I will certainly give the matter thought. You are a very kind and intelligent man, despite all your trials and rather aesthetically pleasing as well." He thought he saw her mouth turn up in a smile. "Yes, you will be in my thoughts frequently, James." Well, he thought later as he waited for sleep to take him, there was hope for him, after all. It was nice to be able to feel real attraction again, especially for such an amazing person as Spock.              ********** "No matter how numb you get to the circumstances of your slavery, it leaves you with a deep self-loathing. I hated my own looks for making me so "desirable" to her and I hated her for being able to make me sound so pathetic and....and needy. As a labor slave, they never had to worry about me breaking the no fraternization rule, because by that point, I wasn't letting anyone touch me in any way that remotely reminded me of her and I stifled any hints of attraction I occasionally felt until I couldn't feel it anymore. How in the world can we in the Federation allow that cycle of turning people into objects, whether sexual or unpaid labor, to continue?"                  *********

[kdinthecity]

Confessions of a Teenage Sugar Queen: In Other News

This is for @zutaraweek​ Day Five: Modern Times

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four

Zuko and I fall into a comfortable pattern of casual conversation in the car, a productive partnership at work, and the occasional night “out” at Mushi’s. He puts on an unconvincing act like his uncle annoys him, but I can tell they are close. Whatever Zuko doesn’t say out loud, I can easily read on his face. Details behind those expressions are lacking, of course.

Certain topics are off limits—like what happened with his father or that night in Iroh’s apartment. I let down my guard in sharing about my mom, but I’m putting it back up until it’s clear what direction we’re headed with all this. It's easy to talk to Zuko, but trusting him is a different matter entirely.

The first warning comes from Yue. She reassigns Hahn to the education position, and I assume it's because she is tired of his constant flirting. But then she starts spending more time in her office, making hushed phone calls behind closed doors. I imagine some intriguing behind-the-scenes action—like they’ve discovered the elusive tiger-seal (a creature from my stories) and finally receive the national attention they deserve for their hard work.

I often use fiction to escape my reality. Why do I feel this sudden urge to write?

I panic when Yue calls me into her office. She’s caught me daydreaming again. Or she’s seen me staring at Zuko’s ass. She’ll reprimand me for being so distracted all the time and probably reassign me, too. I prepare a report about some unusual findings Zuko and I discovered in one of the plankton samples as proof we work well together. I’m ready with my notes and everything.

“Katara, how are things going with Zuko?” she asks.

“F-f-fine, I guess. Er—great.” I didn’t expect that question, exactly.

She eyes the papers in my hands, the ones I'm flipping through nervously. “You… guess?“

“We’re good partners.” Ugh, I hate that I’m blushing right now. “In the lab, I mean. We get a lot done.”

Yue nods slowly in the way that grownups usually do when they have something they don’t want to say. “That’s good. So… you don’t feel… threatened… in any way?”

Blindsided again. What the hell does she mean by that?

I try to pick up my jaw and answer quickly. I don’t want my silence to raise any suspicions. “Threatened by Zuko? No, not at all.”

“Have you received threats from anyone else?”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand.”

“I don’t mean to scare you, Katara, but some threats have been made around here recently. If you ever feel unsafe or uncomfortable, will you please let me know as soon as possible?”

“Of course.”

“And… be careful. Zuko’s situation is… complicated.”

When I piece this conversation together with what I overheard between Zuko and Yue that one day, my best guess is that Mr. Kasai gives a lot of money to the Marine Center. And when things don’t go his way, he may use his power to pressure them. If Zuko’s face is any indicator, then I have no doubt his father would make threats… and follow through with them.

But what does this have to do with me?

My second clue arrives through a series of messages from Azula. She says I should stop seeing her brother, that their father disapproves, that if Zuko stays with me, then he will pay…

First of all, we are not together!

Wait. Am I the reason he…

I was with him that night.

Oh shit.

I have to know for sure.

Except Zuko is acting… weird. He’s more relaxed and happier than I’ve ever seen him. There may even be a hint at a sense of humor trying to break through his surly outer shell. Iroh has noticed the change, too, and calls it a “metamorphosis.” Zuko says he resents being compared to a butterfly and tells his uncle to “bug off.”

Did I say sense of humor? More like lame attempts at making jokes.

I laugh anyway. He lights up when I do. Like a... firefly?

Damn, he’s gorgeous.

There is no way in hell I’m bringing up that stuff about his father now.

Iroh invites Gran Gran and me to a July Fourth barbecue on the beach. Normally Dad and Sokka would come home for the holiday, but those storms swept northward and disrupted their travel plans. As consolation, I’ve been promised a HUGE party to celebrate my 16th birthday in August. To be honest, I’d be OK with a small family gathering. And Zuko. Maybe Mushi, too.

Speaking of, that man loves parties.

While Ozai practically owns half of the bayside resort property on Ember Island, his brother opted for a vacation home and a strip of private beach along the Pacific coast instead. This area is much better for surfing, but no one brought any gear today. Gran Gran enjoys chatting with Iroh’s friends, Jeong Jeong, Bumi, and Piandao. There are a few people I recognize from the restaurant—an employee or two, and a repeat customer I often see there. A young girl, maybe four or five years old, flits about the adults vying for attention. Coincidentally, she's wearing a pair of costume butterfly wings.

I survey the perfect waves and lament not having a surfboard.

“You just want an excuse to get me in a wet suit,” Zuko says.

“Was that… another joke?”

“You know me, Katara. I don’t joke.”

His face is passive, but golden eyes flash with bridled laughter. There is only one thing I can do to unleash it.

Tickle him.

“Nephew, why don’t you show Katara the tide pools?”

At first I think Iroh makes the suggestion because he disapproves of our touchy-feely ticklefest which involves tackling each other and rolling around in the sand. But after the short hike to the tide pools, I wonder if he was actually encouraging us. We are now enclosed in a small private cove.

Zuko laughs. “Uncle knows that low tide was hours ago.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well, you can’t really see anything right now. If he intended for me to show you the marine life and all, then…”

We both know it was a setup, but I’m the first to make a move. I lace my fingers with his and wait to release the breath I’m holding. He does that shuddery sigh thing, like he’s relieved. And then he squeezes my hand.

“Could you tell me about it at least?” I lean into his shoulder and decide to breathe again.

“Uhh—“ He swallows. “Organisms that survive here must be able to withstand harsh conditions. The environment is constantly changing with the tides, but a unique biodiverse ecosystem has adapted to thrive.”

He gets a poke in the ribs for that. “Thank you, Wikipedia.”

He grabs my other hand to ward off the attack—or maybe to pull me closer. “I had the education position at the Marine Center, remember?”

I’m facing him now, and a heat rises between us. I’m feeling bold enough to close the gap and trap it. I’m already enslaved by the intensity of his gaze.

“Yes sir, Professor Kasai.”

He freezes.

He only steps a few feet away, but he’s as distant as the offshore waves. He’s watching them, too, but without really seeing them. There is something with him and the water—while I feel connected to it, he’s haunted by it.

“My mom loved the ocean,” he says suddenly.

The space he left behind is now cold—empty. It takes me a while to recover, to respond. “That’s something we have in common."

At this, Zuko smiles. “She would like you.”

Some warmth returns, but I'm still uncertain. “Oh. I meant… my mom loved the ocean, too.”

“Ocean secret, vast and blue

Ebbs and flows, beneath the moon,

Rise and fall, crashing blue spirit

Whispers on waves, can you hear it?”

“That’s… beautiful,” I say.

“She wrote poetry… about a lot of things, but her favorite was the sea.”

My heart is racing again, but for a different reason this time. “That’s something else we have in common.”

“What’s that?”

“My mom was a writer, too. She was an investigative reporter for The Modern Times. She wrote mostly stuff about the environment, so our work at the Marine Center reminds me a lot of her.”

“That’s so cool, Katara. She would be very proud of you.”

“She got her first big break on the oil spill in Alaska. That was before she met Dad. She dug so deep into the corporate scandal that even years later, they had to move because of safety. Of course, that didn't keep her from doing the same thing here."

"What happened to her?"

"We don't really know. She was on assignment in Death Valley. Her editor suspected foul play... but there was never any proof."

Zuko goes pale. Paler than pale. Paler than I thought possible. "D-d-death Valley?"

If Zuko’s ghosts are whispers in the waves, then mine are mirages in the desert. "Yeah. I know. Sorry, I didn’t mean to—"

"It's getting late. We should start heading back."

It's not late, but I've obviously said too much… again. I never talk about this with anyone, and I promised myself I wouldn’t be so vulnerable with Zuko. But he’d opened up about his mom... a little. Maybe something bad happened to her, too.

Zuko avoids me for the rest of the day. He uses the excuse that he needs to help his uncle with the food... and then the cleaning… and setting up for fireworks...

At dusk, they disappear. I watch Gran Gran play a complicated board game called Pai Sho with Piandao. When we settle on the beach for the show, Iroh’s youngest visitor unexpectedly plops down in my lap. I catch a whiff of something familiar, something comforting...

Moon peaches.

"Hi, I'm Kiyi," she announces, leaning against my chest and looking up at me with curious golden eyes.

“Hi, I’m Katara,” I answer slowly. “Where is your—“

“I love the fire in the sky!” she squeals as the first bottle rocket takes flight. “Uncle does the best fireworks ever!”

I’m not sure which adult the girl came with since I haven’t been introduced to everyone at the party. I can guess by her looks that she’s related to the Kasai family somehow, but it’s the way she says Uncle that sounds…

Just like Zuko.

Per the norm, the next time I’m in Zuko’s car, we act like nothing ever happened—the almost-kiss, the cold shoulder followed by moments of deep connection complete with a poetry performance.

Nevermind all that. I have more pressing questions. "Who is Kiyi?"

"I don't know. Uncle adopts practically everyone and calls them family. He already thinks of you as his niece.” Zuko immediately turns bright red and coughs. “Kiyi is sweet, but hella stubborn."

Just like Zuko. "Are you sure you're not related?"

"Maybe? Like distant cousins or something?"

"Does Iroh have any kids?"

"His son died in the war."

I apparently have a talent for finding the most sombre subjects. Either that, or there is no end to Zuko's family drama. "Oh. Sorry."

"What's this all about anyway?"

"She told me about the blue spirit."

Aaaaaaaand cue the switch from deep red to paler than pale as the color drains from Zuko’s face. "That's... well, anyone could say that. It wouldn't be the first time something supernatural was attributed to the sea. Take... Poseidon for example."

"Or Tui and La." I wait for the furrowed brow to follow.

And... check. “Who, what now?” he asks.

“Your mom’s poem reminded me of the moon and ocean spirits, Tui and La. It’s a belief my ancestors in Alaska held, a harmonious push-and-pull relationship to keep the world in balance.”

“Sounds like the tides.”

“Exactly.”

Here comes the part where he sighs dramatically, but I have no idea what he'll say next.

“It’s just another way to explain what we don’t understand. What we cannot control.”

Hmm, interesting. “Isn’t that what spirituality does?" I muse aloud. "Help us make peace with those things? Like death, for example.”

I am NOT speaking from experience because if I’m honest with myself, I am far from making peace with my mother’s death. If he has any insight, I'm all ears.

“I… don’t know.”

I don’t know, either, but I wish I did... for the both of us.

I spend another day at the Marine Center in a complete state of distraction. After this, Yue will undoubtedly reassign me to the dreaded job of cleaning up seal shit. She alternates between giving me looks of warning and pity, so I’m still not sure what to make of our conversation or anything else that's transpired since then.

I'm going to ask Zuko about it. Point blank. He'll probably turn a ghastly shade I haven't seen, yet. But it's better than black and blue, if his father really is making threats.

But when we head back to his uncle's restaurant after work, we don't slip into our usual booth near the back. I follow Zuko past the kitchen to the stairs that lead up to Iroh’s apartment. We haven't been here alone together since that night, and all of those sensations return to me as if that moment is suspended in time. I’m looking at the face of someone who’s been beaten, and all I want to do is kiss the pain away. I won’t reopen those wounds—not now, not ever.

Zuko is not one for dwelling in the past, though. He doesn’t skip a beat as he leads me down the hallway, and I think maybe we're going to his room. My brain and pulse race with curiosity—of the possibilities—but he stops short of the doorway and points at something on the wall.

My breath catches. It’s a framed newspaper article from The Modern Times, dated May 2009, the same year my mom died.

The headline reads, "No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are." I skim down to the byline at the bottom. "Professor Kasai teaches English composition at Atlas University."

Zuko's mom taught at AU? And she wrote for The Modern Times, too?

"When I worked for my dad last summer, I found some of Mom’s files," Zuko explains. "I knew she wrote a few articles, but I didn't know Uncle had this until I started staying here recently.”

"Do you think our moms knew each other? It's a big newspaper, but maybe—"

"Was your mom The Painted Lady?"

I stop breathing altogether. "What?"

He runs a hand through his hair like he does when he's nervous. "Was that her...pen name... or whatever?"

It was a reference to war paint and a tribute to our tribal heritage. "Yes. Why?"

"Then I need to show you something."