#my funky lil emo guy

[exoticlittlebird]

my sebastian ship tier list. fight for your favorites and i’ll defend mine (haley ships are so good!!)

i didn’t even want to include maru in this one but then i felt like i had to make my anti-half-sibling-cest stance clear lol

sam ship tier list

shane ship tier list

[aroaceleovaldez]

comp of your favorite jason panels maybe?? or maybe an octavian doodle?? i was hit with the silly beam and now i need more blonde roman boys content. mayhaps add any other blonde romans boys you have crafted. i desperately need rick to flesh out camp jupiter the potential is insane - @argoii-official's mod erratum 🤭

MOD ERRATUM!!!!!!! i blow a little kiss to your askblog one mun to another. Tumblr decided it absolutely hated me putting images on this post so I will make a separate one for the favorite deadangelos Jason panels later. A little tiny Octavian for you though (he's grumpy):

and i will dig through my romans to see if there's any other interesting blond boys in there (i still have like two and a half cohorts to design plus messengers and medics, so there is still plenty of opportunity). let's see... oh yes I do indeed have some funky lil blond boys.

Lore for them below the cut:

okay, starting with the canon boys: Jacob i've made a son of Venus and i've decided is best friends with Terrel and Bobby. He's a shy and quiet kind of guy but he's doing his best. Also insert my hc about 5th cohort being more likely to be direct descendants versus legacies here (cause something something lack of letters of recommendation). Also because of a mistranslation about his job title my group chat has decided his demigod weapon is a gun. Julius i made a legacy of Indiges (deified Aeneas) based on his name. I haven't decided too much for him other than I think it would be interesting if Jason used to have a crush on him at some point.

VES okay Ves is fun. So first things first: scene kid my beloved. Scene kid with a bee theme. The joke is the hair stripes. His lore is that he's a legacy of Mellona (goddess of honey/bees) and he has a big ol' crush on Gerard, because Gerard is emo and they have similar music tastes.

Gerard i am going to be completely honest is 100% themed on MCR. I like listening to music when I design characters and I thought it'd be funny also i realized the name Gerard works thematically for a Mars kid. It all came together. Anyways he's emo, he's an MCR fan, no he does not know Ves has a big ol' crush on him. Ves is dying, squirtle.

Edgar is a son of Lua, a goddess to whom weapon spoils of war were sacrificed to. He's just kind of a cool edgy guy. Not pictured is his bestie, a girl named Felicity Pace, who is a legacy of Abundantia and Pax, and is also in 4th cohort. They're opposites-attract thematically (war vs peace, low energy vs high energy) but also they're both fashionistas and extremely dramatic.

Anton is my extremely self-indulgent pointing at Mars and how to the Romans he was also a god of civilization and ideal Roman life, which included him being an agricultural god, so legacy of Mars and child of Ceres. He's grumpy but he's very passionate about plants.

They're all mostly just meant to be background characters fleshing out Camp Jupiter for Deadangelos so they don't have a ton of meat to them, but I like to try and give them all at least something. At the very least a hobby, theme, interest, or relationships. Something along those lines.

[kitty-i-swear-to-gosh]

I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT EACH AND EVERY PERSON ON YOUR OC POSTER. PLEEEEAAAASSSE

Thank you for being as obsessed with these little freaks as I am. It’s truly an honor

I’ve already talked about Angela and Mordicondor a bunch. I’ll just go into more detail about the rest of the crew.

Lets start with you, pretty boy

Griffinart Eltidar. Assassin. Drifter. Keeper of Secrets.

Griffinart was born as Prince Aureolus Solei, the eldest son of Emperor Aldonious of the Goldra Empire. The Goldra are a war-mongering species, fighting for control over the galaxy. Classic bad guys.

After Aureolus was caught assisting enemy forces in the war against the Xandra Empire, Aldonious executed his own son as a traitor, slicing him through and dumping his body into a river. 

Wounded but alive, the prince washed up near the swampy wastelands of his homeworld, where he was saved by a Xandra priestess. He then assumed a new identity as Griffinart Eltidar, and fled his homeworld. 

He spent many years living on the edge of the law, and soon was hired by the Captain of the Arora for his cunning and skill. Now, Griffinart has gotten almost comfortable in his new life, but sooner or later his past will catch up to him…

Fun fact: Griffinart is a natural blond. He dyes his hair bc he doesn’t want to look like his father.

And then this funky lil guy

Beelos Barthanos. Insane. Paranoid. Hates everyone.

After a harrowing escape from his (super communist) home planet, Beelos’ ship was swallowed by an unexplainable wormhole in deep space. The portal chewed up his ship, and spat it back out—crashing right into the Starship Arora.

Beelos survived the crash and was rescued by the crew of the Arora. However, upon waking, he couldn’t remember anything of his past, and even worse, he began hearing voices in his head.

He’d been touched by the hand of Chaos, and made its prophet. He sees glimpses of the future—a world where Chaos reigns and every light in the galaxy has been snuffed out. No one believes his prophecies.

Beelos is permanently paranoid that everyone is out to get him. He trusts no one, and hates everybody. The only reason he stays with the Arora is because he has no where else to go.

And then there’s my emo child <3

Roaco Agapé. A killer by compulsion, but a kid at heart.

Roaco was cursed from birth by Chaos, lord of evil, with a Withering Touch that destroys any living thing he touches with his hands. The curse is slowly killing him as well, creeping up his arms and melting away his flesh. 

Because of this curse, Roaco was banished from his village as a small child, and left to die. He wandered the wastes until he came to a small trading village. He stowed away on a cargo ship called the Maiden Arora where he was found and later adopted by Captain Mordicondor and his crew. 

Roaco has been searching all his life for a way to rid himself of the Wither. He doesn’t want to hurt anybody, yet a part of him always craves the satisfaction of destruction and death. Roaco has to fight to keep his morals and his mind intact.

My beautiful queen bestie🙏💖

Nyranu Buluro. Resourceful. Greedy. The compassionate Empath.

Nyranu is the ship’s medic, and she uses her unique Empath abilities to feel what others are feeling, in order to help them, or more often than not, to help herself.

Nyranu grew up on Talinor, a planet where wealth determines worth. Nyranu trained as a medic under the Federation until her family ran out of money.

Out of desperation, she turned to the criminal underworld, where she used her half-completed medical training to patch up smugglers, bounty hunters, and rebels. It was during this time she learned of the Federation’s enormous bounty on Former Admiral Mordicondor Agapé, a man infamous for his rebellion against the Feds. Capturing him would mean unimaginable riches.

She used her wits and power to gain the rebellion’s trust, and made her way onto Mordicondor’s crew, where she placed a tracker on the ship and sent a signal to the Feds. However, once they arrived, they betrayed and attacked her too.

The Arora risked their lives to save her, and she realized what a mistake she’d made. Nyranu confessed to the Captain, and to her surprise, he chose not to punish her but instead offered her a chance to do better.

She chose to stay, serving as the Arora’s medic and finding, for the first time, a family that valued her for more than her worth in credits.

Super fun fact: Roaco has been in love with Nyranu for years. He doesn’t have the courage to tell her.

And finally—

Drocithar. Despite the heat, he’s rather cold.

Drocithar has been a soldier all his life. He was a child soldier serving during his home planet’s civil war. After decades of battle, he escaped and joined the Federation, where he met Mordicondor. (And we all know how THAT went 😭)

Without somebody giving him orders, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. All he really wants is to settle down and stop fighting, but that would mean giving in to weakness—and weak is the one thing he can’t allow himself to be. A weak soldier is a useless soldier, and a useless soldier is a dead one.

So he pushes himself, and he pushes other people too. Sometimes beyond their limits.

Uhhhh yeah. Rambling again. I love loredumping and I love backstories and I love found family and I don’t know what to do with all of this but I will someday.

Thanks for listening!!! I love you!!

[one-a-n-d-lonely]

personal blog of assorted shiny objects ✨ i've been here for 10 slutty, slutty years 🤓

url is from northern downpour by p!atd

#front page is my eclectic aesthetics tag, otherwise I am inconsistent with tagging

some of my favs: gay shit, alt rock/emo/pop punk, literature, theater, borderline disney adult tendencies, funky lil guys, anticapitalism, appropriating christian imagery for gay purposes, gender fuckery, and lots more

see some other shit I post about from this list of tags I follow

[peydawgz]

some songs i think the overwatch characters would like

(i'm just listing some for a few, not all, but i might do the rest of the characters eventually)

SIGMA: rocket man :) he likes piano!! and also he a space boy

RAMATTRA: MARY,, he thinks it sounds so badass

LUCIO: descobridor dos sete mares (it remind him of home and its also funky as hell)

JUNKRAT: the creeper rap (you can't change my mind)

CASSIDY: two step (this song gets him in his feels)

ASHE: bad guy (duh)

WIDOWMAKER: masquerade (blasting this while sniping, resisting the urge to bob her head with the music)

BASTION: three little birds (first of all this song is just so happy, and he's such a happy lil robot) also he likes birds

D.VA: fvn! this song is so fun, she blasts it in her mech probably. also this song slaps.

REAPER: chalk outline (he's so emo)

well i had like two more to put on here but i hit my maximum of links so,,, here u go

[redisawkward]

anyway, so glad my partner and i had an orgy with two guys we had just met from a club on emo night... funky lil butterfly flapped its wings together and now i hang out with a bunch of chill queer autistic people (and our token allistic friend) and play dnd every week

[hallo-spaceb0y]

I fear I'm the last of the mutual friendgroup to get into mcr. I cannot think of a mutual who at some point has not plagued (positive) my dash with those funky lil emo guys.

[jadeofblades]

saigokumota for the character bingo :3

Sorryyy this took a while, but anyways prepare for Brain Rot

First things first, Shuichi. Oh my God this man,, he is my everything. I want him and I want to be him at the same time. It gets lowkey so annoying when ppl (mainly ppl who hate him) reduce him to just this emo waawaa boy who should've went instead of Kaede. Sure its sad to not have gotten a female protag but I think to throw away his growth (that wasn't Just from that) because of it,, sucks.

I put a /j for the ship thing because I think most shuichi ships are quite good.... minus Saiouma. God. Sorry to my followers/moots that like them but to put lightly I cannot stand that pairing it makes my ass itch.

Ignore my ugly stars </3 anyways, Kaito!! He is such a bright guy oh my goshhh, and you know me when I see a character with a color palette thats made up of my fave colors (in this case, purple) I go go nuts. He's a goofy funky man and the autism rays are Beaming from him, its unreal.

I need. People. To stop. Calling him dumb!!! I'm sick of it!! He may be loud, he may be impulsive, and he may not think things through a lot. But that does NOT make one stupid. He's still an astronaut (a damn good one at that, even if at times it doesn't always shine through when it should) and he is not a completely oblivious dude, sheesh. Also like,,,, could we stop with the whole homophobic comment thing? Yes we shouldn't just gloss over it but idk, to immediately jump to a character being So Horrible due to saying one thing like that is kinda shit.

Last, but certainly not least, GONTAAA. Fuck man he is so wonderful and nice and gorgeous looking I want to cry and die for him. It sucks so so bad he didn't get more moments to shine because I truly think he could've grown so well if he got to live even just a lil longer. Also like his story is so?? Tragic?? He may not show much sadness for being shunned by his rich family due to being raised and cared for by his forest family but Boy,

...... Sighhhhhh, can we stop babying this man so much, fandom? Gonta is a grown ass man who studies living creatures as his talent. HE KNOWS WHAT SEX IS!!! HE KNOWS HOW TO READ, AND WRITE, AND DRAW GOOD ASS DIAGRAMS OF BUGS!!! I am so tired of the fact that just because he talks a certain way or thinks a certain way (and is quite ND coded, cough) Gonta gets put down like he's a child when he Isn't. Biting and killing!

So yeah, it's funny how these three are kinda similar with how my opinions are laid out, but it's kinda cool how different they are despite so if that makes sense.

[mountain-man-cumeth]

(Possibly) rude thoughts on finalists

Cyprus - Satanists automatically get a pass from me. also neighbours

Albania - Good voice, probably best solo female vocals

Israel - In light of the "current situation", submitting a song called "Set me free" might not have been the best choice. shes adorable tho no shade to her personally

Belgium - Don't even remember the song tbh

Russia - Not a big fan of one-the-nose empowerment pieces but BORYUTSYA BORYUTSYA bit does make me feel like a strong, independent, slav woman

Malta - Same problem with Russia, very catchy chorus tho, very 2010s

Portugal - Ya kno what. I love it. No I will not elaborate

Serbia - I am not immune to legs

United Kingdom - It's ok. Which is like the greatest compliment anyone can give to UK's entries

Greece - They had dancing pants guys-- dancing pants. Very generic song, saved by ace rights

Switzerland - In this case knowing a bit of french actually worked against me because I have no idea what he's singing about and I'm not sure if I'm missing the message or if it's just random verses mushed together to give off the illusion of depth. Good voice, good performance, not too bad for a ballad. Still wish there weren't any.

Iceland - How does it keep getting better? This is all want from Eurovision. Just. *chefs kiss* those funky lil dudes get me

Spain - Moon's not gonna save you

Moldova - Better hope Kirkorov's pockets don't run dry until finals

Germany - Finally, a proper song to cringe to

Finland - 🤘😩 crowd chanting during the results got me very... emo. At least the general public has some taste

Bulgaria - I love her lack of energy! go girl! give us nothing!

Lithuania - YEA BOI This song is what Eurovision's all about. This right there. More of this.

Ukraine - I know the word zelenina in czech and I am convinced that she's singing about vegetables. Great song, too good for Eurovision and probably won't be appreciated. This is my jam, seriously, ive been listening on repeat and now I feel strong enough to eat my vegetables

France - Name dropping Jacques Brel and Charles Aznavour as inspiration is... cute. It's a nice song and she's a very french looking lass. That's all I can say, I'm not too fond of classical french without the element of nostalgia and I can't say it made me feel nostalgic

Azerbaijan - As a turk I am not allowed to say anything bad. I never thought I'd see a day people dance halay(idk what its called in eng, that circle thing they did) in a sexual way, that's for sure

Norway - If only this song came out 10 years ago at the high of Supernatural craze. I just love how cheesy it is

Netherlands - Not one of the bests but it's good. I have nothing bad to say about it

Italy - This has me feeling some type of way. Not only thirst but I always loved glam rock and I am brought to tears at seeing Maneskin do it so much justice. They deserve to win. My man's out there tiddies out in leather overalls he needs a win

Sweden - As a generic pop song it's quality is top notch like if a pop song's to win I wouldn't mind it be swedes

San Marino - Very catchy, I'm vibin in my apple bottom jeans and boots with fur. I don't care that they snatched an Americain, it's a good song with or without Mister Rida. Not exactly what I want from Eurovision but on the basis of quality it gets a shining B from me

[iamvegorott]

Hey it’s the PowerPoint person here! Sorry bout the wait, sent that message and promptly passed out! So I’ll go in the order and give a general vide of what I said for each and what number out of 150 they were (1 being the highest, 150 being lowest)

76. Henrick. I basically said Henrick looked like he’d be doing a physical and shove his hand up my ass without warning but he’s got a spiffy lab coat-turtle neck combo and he’s a doctor so he makes bank and therefore I’d bonk him

63. Anti. I put him much lower than I would have because I felt it unfair to have all mark and jacks egos at the very top, not to mention I think my friends would judge me. I mostly talked about how a lot of my art has been influenced by anti’s aesthetics and how even the name that all my friends call me was once my cringe 7th grade evil OC of myself loosely based of of anti. I also said he deserved to be a bigger tumblr sexy man. I’d bink him

42. Edward. I said that in contrast to Henrick he would ask before shoving a hand up my ass. I said he makes bank cuz he a doctor. He looks like he’d give me a lollipop. I honestly really like Edward, he’s not super outstanding but he’s just funky. I’d boing him

12. Jameson. My three comments on here were literally: DAPPER MAN! Moustache = +10 points to sexy. Monocle. And honestly I stand by that. Jameson’s just a cute lil’ man and I love him. I’d get down and jiggy with this man

5. Dark. Tumblr sexy man. Said I liked men who could snap my neck. Emo king my dudes. In the PowerPoint I put his name as “Darkiplier” so my friends didn’t think I was like “casual” with him 😂 idk why but I’m super embarrassed about being into like youtuber stuff, I never talk about my Youtubers I watch and the one time I asked for merch it was the one Dan and Phil book like forever ago and I was so embarrassed even though it’s not bad or anything??? I’d boinkers this dude

3. Wilford. Wilford is personally my fav ego and he was very close to being first place (second place was a joke) but I gave it to Illinois because I could make a comment about his whip. Wilford follows the law of “man covered in blood = sexy” and he could kill me but also I could curse the man. I’d definitely bangers this guy

1. Illinois. Basically said I have a thing for men who dress like Indiana Jones and they look like they’d take me on an uncharted style adventure to escape my boring life. Also he has a whip. I’d explore his tunnels ahaha.

Once again these aren’t the actual ratings I’d give them they’d all be much higher if I wasn’t worried about being judged by my friends lol. The PowerPoint was mostly comedic seeing as multiple characters from bloodbourne were in the top 20, Gandalf was on the list as well as mega mind and they weren’t very low. Pablo from the backyardagains and Thomas the tank engine were also on this list. AND a toothbrush that was in Yandere simulator as like a background piece but the model was borrowed form somewhere else which was meant for realism and it had so many polygons it crashed the game. Henrick was lower than the toothbrush.

Why were half of these a mood 😂

"man covered in blood = sexy"

No I will not explain, you just gotta know XD

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

[simonfarnabyslegs]

tag game

thank you @anxietyvarietyhour for tagging me! <3

nickname: my high school english teacher and a few other people i knew growing up used to call me cookie. a girl i knew in undergrad called me kay-kay. and i knew i man from donegal who used to call me kyah (pronounced sort of like hyah, like how you would urge a horse on) because he couldn't pronounce my name when he saw it written out.

zodiac: aquarius, but i also don't think that means anything

height: well i thought i was 5'2 but i've met two girls recently who claim to be 5'3 who were both shorter than me, and a guy who said he was 5'5 who was quite a bit taller than me, so i don't know what's true.

last movie: uhhh i honestly can't remember because i don't watch a lot of movies. probably my most recent rewatch of bill on the night ghosts was released, while i was waiting to be able to watch it here in the us.

last thing i googled: "charles ii king of bling" so i could show it to my friend.

fave musician(s): nirvana, tom petty, prince, yusuf/cat stevens, the beatles, harry styles, hozier, vienna teng, of monsters and men, måneskin, the lumineers, dervish, lil nas x

song stuck in my head: the funky monks song from horrible histories because my professor was talking today about how funny and weird monks were and that was the first thing my brain thought of.

other blogs: listed in my pinned post

blogs following: 310, but they're probably not all active tbh

amount of sleep: last night, between 3-4 hours. i tried to take a nap this afternoon but that didn't really work out

lucky number: i like multiples of three, but i wouldn't say that those are lucky

what i'm wearing: short black dress with long sleeves. earlier i was wearing a long red and black tudor inspired thing over it and shoes that look a bit like thomas's lady shoes but i took those off when i decided to attempt a nap.

dream job: i would love to work as a historical consultant on a period piece one day, or as a writer. more realistically, though, i'm trying to get my phd so i can be a professor. maybe the other will come later once i've got the credentials and experience under my belt. i also still think about getting back into acting and comedy, but i feel like it's probably too late for that.

dream trip: i think iceland sounds nice. or maybe new orleans.

fave foods: my stomach feels awful so i'd rather not think about food right now but i like fried chicken, and chicken strips or tenders or nuggets, stuff like that. various potato dishes. cheeses.

play an instrument: i used to be able to say i played 14 instruments and that i am a classically trained vocalist but i haven't really had the time or access to a lot of the instruments i play(ed) to be able to practice in several years, and i've stopped singing except to myself or my cat.

languages: again i used to be able to say i spoke 5 languages but i haven't had much opportunity to use them so i don't know how good i am at them anymore, but that would be english, spanish, irish, scots (learnt from my grandfather; and yes it is a language), and some french.

fave songs: too many, so i'll limit myself to three: "i courted a wee girl" (cover) by dervish, "recessional" by vienna teng, and "like real people do" by hozier. essentially, i'm sad, dramatic, and love women.

random fact about me: i was born tongue tied, meaning my tongue was almost completely attached to the bottom of my mouth by a strip of skin. it never affected my speech because i learned to talk around it, but it did look pretty weird and kids used to ask me to show them or show their friends and it really freaked them out. i had a surgery when i was 10 or 11 to correct the issue because my mother was worried it would make it difficult for me to speak or do my music later on.

describe yourself by aesthetic things: not sure what this means but i do a lot of historical dress, or just historical inspired dress when it's too hot to actually wear all the layers, which is quite frequent here in the american south, where i live currently. when i'm not dressed like that, i've been described as an "emo hippie" because i wear a lot of loose, flowy black or dark-coloured outfits.

tagging: i'm not sure who's done this already, so i'm not going to tag anyone, but if you'd like to do it, you can absolutely say i tagged you!

[do not reblog this post]

[i-dont-want-your-hysteria]

The Leppard Albums: A Summary

(inspired by Every Beatles Album)

Happy Saturday night everyone

The Def Leppard EP

Joe is 19 and just wants to ride a motorcycle okay

Groupie fantasy

Zeppelin lyrics meet Rush with an underappreciated bass line

On Though the Night

IT'S!!! ROCK!!! N ROLL!!! BABEY!!!

Joe is 20 and just really doesn't wanna work in a factory anymore okay

pls D; girl D; stop D; hiding D; your D; pain!!

another... groupie fantasy... I think? ...???

Leppard in Space

Joe is 20 and just wants to write something edgy okay leave him alone

STEVE 👏👏👏 FUCKING 👏👏👏 CLARK!!!! 👏👏🔥👏🔥👏👌👌

the original groupie fantasy but it's been re-recorded

girl?? make up?? your mind???

let's be mysteriously edgy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Zeppelin lyrics meets Rush but it's been re-recorded (but don't worry they still kept the underappreciated bass line)

High N Dry

everyone in this band is a slutty bottom and this is the song that proves it

we have Mutt Lange now and this is the song that proves it

drONK TIEM

betcha didn't think we could write a ballad, did ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

STÊVË!!!!! 👏👏👏👏 FÜCKÎÑ!!!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏 C L Ã R K!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥👏👌👌🤙👏👌🔥👌🎉🎉

underappreciated and that's all there is to it

noooo don't go you're too mysterious and sexy hahhaha

oh god Dx oh god no Dx we don't sound like this anymore we swear Dx

betcha thought we stopped writing Beowulf-esque pop songs didn't ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

🚫🚫⛔👎🚫🙅‍♂️👎🚫⛔🙅‍♂️⛔ *Joe tearing his throat up for 2 solid minutes*

Pyromania

IT'S ROCK!!!!!! N ROLL!!!! BABEY!!!!!!!1!!!!1!!1!! AGAIN!!!!! 😆😆😆

the Classic Rock Fandom™ in a nutshell 😓

INTRODUCING PHIL 👌👌👌 FUCKING👏👏 COLLEN 🔥🔥🔥

betcha thought we abandoned the idea of doing a ballad didn't ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Joe's back at it again with the edgy songs and is getting a lot better at it too

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ∆ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Gunter 🙃 Glieben 🙃 Glauchen 🙃 Globen

the most underappreciated song on this whole entire fucking list sorry I don't make the rules

Alright, WHO in this band wants to be in a porno >:C

Joe's back at it yet again with the edgy songs but it's even BETTER this time

Hysteria

Girls Girls Girls ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS ANAKIN

🎸we!!! fucking!!! love!!!! glam rock!!!!!! and african drum rhythms!!!!!!!!!🥁

we're not furries we swear we're just kinky D: also fuck you DJs here's some false endings

we haven't made a ballad that HURTS yet so here we go (with an underappreciated bass line)

the song that invented "( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" (AKA when you cram for a test the minute before and end up getting 100%)

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)😏( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)😏( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

S T E V E 😭👏👏 F U C K I N 😭😭😭 C L A R K 👏👏👏😭👏😭

nooo don't shoot me you're too kinky hahaha

a song about rioting and being #punk, but the only crime the man singing it has ever committed was getting a speeding ticket when he was 19/20

oh. oh shit. oh god. holy shi- I can't believe... ...we just accidentally made the most perfect song to ever exist :o like seriously- people are achieving nirvana as we speak I'm not joking I think we went too far with the perfection this time guys

THIS SONG IS ABOUT S E X AND WE AIN'T BEING SHY ABOUT IT EITHER LET'S FUCKIN GO BABE-

Don't 👏 give 👏 me 👏 love 👏

Adrenalize

gkKLglldlflhlADKSLALLFLSS 😆😆😆

I fucking love my wife uWu

fkKMglgllsLLslgflephpGLDLPT 😆(͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)😆

We're just gonna get extremely romantic and passionate for 4 minutes and 3 seconds if that's alright with you (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)

this album was the most painful thing any of us have ever had to do, so here's the most serious song we've ever done to date. Steve ✊ Fucking ✊ Clark ✊ -n-

now that our mental breakdown is over, we're gonna get extremely passionate and romantic again but for a lil longer this time aiight 🤙

one of us has a protection/ownership kink but we're not gonna tell you who

you know what this album needs? a little bit more pain

we're layin down the line (and by that we mean we want sex)

we're layin down the line pt.2 (we still want sex btw)

Retro Active

Beowulf songs are back babey 🤙

I'll say that again if I have to^

we!!! still!!! fucking!!! love!!!! glam rock!!!!! we even covered something to prove it!!!!!!

Joe has now officially mastered ballads

I fucking love my wife part 2: she's a badass top

While Joe was off mastering ballads, Phil studied the blade

We covered something else bc again!!! we fucking!!! love!!! glam!!!

We rewrote Joe's motorcycle song bc we now realize it was cringe af (and it was an excuse for Joe to talk to Ian Hunter so that made him happy)

Joe has now officially mastered edgy/serious songs

it's a total bop but oh god. No. Please. No. Oh God. No. Don't. Please. No. Pls. No. Oh god. Don't.

This should've been on Adrenalize and you can Fight Me On That

Phil studies the blade (electric version)

Joe masters ballads (electric version)

Vault (there's only one new song on here so that's all I'm doing)

babe nooooo D';

Slang

Epic edgelords part 1

Epic edgelords part 2: Phil wrote it this time

everyone in this band is a slutty bottom and this is the song that proves it Volume 2: Electric Bugaloo

soft breakdown :'c

hOT DOGGITY DAMN JOE'S VOICE HOLY HELL TAKE ME N- *clears throat* I mean introducing Vivian Campbell :3 aND THERE'S A BASS SOLO MMMM 🤤🤤👌 THIS SONG IS JUST SEXY FUCKIN LIFT ME UP AND-

Phil's marriage isn't going too well

in fact, no one's marriages are going too well

severely underrated bop

We're still not over Steve's death and we never will be :c

Joe makes edgy ballads his bitch yet again 👏👏

severely underrated banger 🔥🔥🔥

Euphoria

wE STILL MAKE FAST BOPS IN CASE YOU FORGOT 🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘

Holy shit I didn't know Joe could hit a note that high

The 90s sucked for us but we'rE STILL HERE BICH 🖕

Can we pls give Sav more songwriting space on albums thx 😭💗

everyone in this band is a slutty bottom and this is the song that proves it Volume 3: Even Sluttier This Time 😏

totally different from everything we've ever done and WE 👏 MADE IT 👏 OUR 👏 EDGY 👏 BITCH

uwu but it's sad so it's actually umu

partying like it's 1999- oh wait, it actually is 1999

*hugs Viv and scREEEEEEEEAAAMMS*

Phil studied the blade and attacks you with it

*gets escorted into the back of a police car* IM GUILTY!! I'M GUILTY!!! I'M NOT INNOCENT!!! 😫😫😫

whatever edginess we couldn't fit into Paper Sun we put into this song instead

we're entering the new millennium as Kings and there's nothing you can do about it 👑🖕

X (Ten)

Stand on a balcony at sunset when you listen to this one

(insert Vizzini saying "INCONCEIVABLE" here)

the big UwU

I got ghosted and it’s actually a lot more dark and depressing than I thought also I wish I was never awake

soft and edgy and sad acoustic dads

F-U-C-K SPELLS F- I mean L-O-V-E spells love uWu

babe nOOOooO I'm sorry I suck so much DD;

this sounds like out if Work It Out and Day After Day had a kid

we're gonna have a Funky Good Time whether you like it or not 😎

E D G E L O R D S 2 0 0 2

we can't decide if we want this album to be edgy or uwu so we're gonna make it both

the same passion as Tonight but less sexy and more (you guessed it) uwu

E D G E L O R D S 2 0 0 2 P A R T 2

Betcha thought our emo phase was over didn't ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yeah!

bops have been and will ALWAYS be something we have mastered- even if the song we're playing isn't ours

SAV'S TIME TO SHINE

betcha thought we couldn't cover a Blondie song, did ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Phil's just getting nostalgic about London it's fine 👍

don't worry joe's still sCREAMIN

in which we make this song a million times better than the original

WE LOVE ROXY MUSIC SO MUCH WE CANTEXPLAINWEJUSTLOVEHEMRMFLGPHPH

we're letting Joe have his moment ok just let him have this 👨‍🎤

yeah we like Free- so whAT??

okay NOW we're letting Joe have his real moment- he's been waiting for this moment ever since he was like 12 okay just. let him. have this just. this one time. pls.

in which we confuse literally everyone by making them think this is a song that we wrote

we just need ONE more bop, okay? Just ONE more we swear then we'll stop being fanboys (for now...)

we'll be right back, it's Bow Down To Thin Lizzy Hour

*Phil tearing up his throat for 4 and a half solid minutes*

Songs From The Sparkle Lounge

this one's actually kinda dark and heavy? :o

honky tonk time 🤠🤙

FINALLY ONE OF SAV'S SONGS IS THE MOST POPULAR SONG OFF AN ALBUM 🙏🙏🙏🙏😩

FINALLY WE HAVE MORE SAV MATERIAL I LOVE IT SM ;∆; !!!!

Phil's songs are severely underrated tho pls give them more attention

it's time for one (1) badass religious song and if you don't like it then you can Fuck Off kindly 🙃

This whole album is "Songs That Were Written By Phil and Viv and Sav" heaven

I think sometimes people forget that we, even as a band, are fans of the Classic Rock Fandom™ too, and we feel the same pain as the other fans :'^)🤙

Joe's three minutes of fame on this album

Joe's three minutes of fame on this album part 2

Viv's songs are severely underrated tho pls give them more attention

Mirror Ball (bonus tracks)

we grabbed fate by the balls and screamed fUCK YOU 🖕🖕

We are still Kings™ in case anyone was wondering 👑🖕

✨PHIL BELIEVES!!!! IN!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!! AND!!!!!!!!!! BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!✨

Def Leppard (Self Titled 2015)

Is this song about playing a live show? Probably. Is it also about having a fight? Is it also about angry sex? The world may never know.

Okay this one just absolutely SLAPS, periodt.

bootleg Another One Bites The Dust

*SOBBING* THEY'RE ALL SINGING LEAD I'M-

being badass, That's The Power Of Love

don't worry, we still know how to be Poetically Edgy

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm *bump bump* hooked on a feeeeling

I've Got a Spiritual Romantic Boner

Can't Keep Away From The Flame edginess gets crossed with some Zeppelin charm and badassery

someone in this band is fucking piSSED 😠😠😠😠

we're gonna @ someone tonight fellas

sAV OH MY GOD BABYYYYY 😰😰😭😭😭😭 DO YOU NEED A HUG

what if we tried to cross newer Metallica with Nickelback 🤔

what if we turned this into We All Need Christmas three years from now... 🤔

Bonus: Personal Jesus/We All Need Christmas

Viv really wanted to cover ABBA but everyone said no so he settled for cowboy goth™ instead

What better man to write a warm and fuzzy Christmas song than the warm and fuzziest man alive (Sav)

[spacemancharisma]

you like mcr??? thats so cool!! rock on, funky lil human (also what's your favorite song(s)?? mine are Destroya (mostly for the instruments), House of Wolves, the Sharpest Lives, and You know what they do to guys like us in prison)

oh hell yeah!! I strongly self identify as emo lmao. and some of my favorites are “na na na,” “I don’t love you,” “mama,” “thank you for the venom,” “disenchanted,” and “the sharpest lives”

[bog-krazee]

Old souls,new life

words:1550 words

Possible triggers:Body horror,mention of drugs,mention of death,mention of drowning,bugs(flies),winces in pain.let me know if there’s anything else I should add!

Summery:The gang goes to detention and escape to go at a lake,some funky things happen to them after going for a dip.

Chapter 1: The Lake of what the fuck

Patton groaned as he walked through the hall, passing by other students who weren’t in trouble. He wouldn’t lie, he was a little jealous of them, considering where he was going and what he had heard about it. Just a few hours ago, his small babies had been found by the math teacher, who in turn gave Patton detention. Patton tried not to think about it, mostly because the thought made him upset.

Patton reached a door with a sign that had the words “detention room” on it. He pushed the door and went in silently, looking around to see what the room was like. He was a bit underwhelmed when he saw the room was a normal classroom with anti-bullying posters on the walls. A couple of people were already in the room, talking among themselves. On the board was written the following words: Sit in silence. An adult will come shortly.

“You know no one’s gonna come, right? No one ever does.” One of the people present before Patton had come in spoke, turning towards the new guy.

He looked like a boy who had tried to cut his hair all by himself. He had a bit of a mustache that was probably collared in with an eyebrow pencil. The clothes the stranger wore were either old, or just really dirty.

“Name’s Remus by the way, have a seat. What did you do to get here?”

Patton sat down; a bit confused as to how Remus seemed so sure no one would come in for them. He shrugged a bit when Remus asked his question. “It’s kinda dumb.”

“Can’t be worse than mine,” A new voice perked up. “I got dress coded for being too emo.” This new stranger looked like what you’d get if you googled “emo boys”. He had pale skin, dark eye shadow and messy hair along with an oversized hoodie. He looked almost dead.

“Well…it's a bit worse…I guess?....I snuck in some snails and some frogs… and got caught..”

“ohhhhhhh, sounds cool!  Why did you need them? For a prank or something?” Remus asked, suddenly excited at the thought there was another prankster in here with him.

“No!” Patton objected” I wanted to keep them as pets! They’re my babies!”

Remus huffed and slumped a bit. “Whatever.” “What did you do to get here? you never told us” The emo boy pointed out.

Remus chuckled, rolling his eyes. “Well Virgil, if you must know, I got in trouble for my Coke coke again.”

“Coke coke?” Patton pondered, confused.

“Didn’t you learn the first time? You can’t sell Coka cola when you add cocaine t it”

“Cocaine!?” Patton exclaimed, in udder shock a high school student could get cocaine.

“It was in the original recipe!”

“And removed.” Another student entered alongside a second student .The former had a dress shirt with a blue bowtie on. His blond hair was poofed and stubborn when it came to not getting in his face. The student accompanying the blondie looked a lot like Remus, but cleaner, and more disappointed in himself.

Speaking of Remus, He jumped up to his feet, giggling. “My my my! What a surprise! The golden twin, Roman!”

“Oh shut up remus, and likewise, don’t you usually escape?”

“Yea, but I’m waiting for Janus to come break me out. I can’t open the window.”

The nerd looking person rolled his eyes a bit, turning to Virgil and Patton. “Greetings, I am Logan Croft, pleasure meeting the both of you.”

Patton nodded and smiled at Logan while Virgil did awkward finger guns.

They all stayed in the room for at least half an hour before there was a knock on the glass from the outside. Someone was by the window looking in. That stranger had dark hair that was mostly hidden in a cowboy hat with a lil star pin that had ACAB engraved on it as well as a scare on the left time of his face.

“He’s here! Guys, you ready for a prisons break?” Remus exclaimed, watching Janus unlock the window from the outside.

“I don’t know…won’t we get in trouble?” Patton asked nervously.

“Only if you get caught, a thief’s only a thief if they get caught stealing” Janus said as he opened the window“ Plus, there’s a cool lake in the woods you can swim in all year long, come on, it’ll be fun.”

As he spoke, all but the worried Patton and the skeptical Logan had left through the window.

“What would we use to dry ourselves? We don’t have any spare clothes” Logan questioned.

Remus answered him by taking towels out of a bag Janus had brought with him.

Logan seemed content with the answer and left through the opening. Patton sighed and followed the rest of the group.

After about twenty minutes at least, they reached the lake.

“Last one in is a rotten egg!” Remus ran and cannon balled in the water.

Roman joined his brother, laughing with him. Janus went in in a much calmer manner alongside Patton. Logan got in after removing his clothes, as to keep the dry.

Virgil however stayed on land, eyes glued on the water. He had always been told about the danger of water,  the fact that 788 people drowned in a year. Of the many creatures that would joyfully gobble him up. He didn’t come to swim, just to leave the room.

“Get in Virgil! The water’s great!” Yelled Roman as he swam

“N-no…I’m good” Virgil responded, shaking a bit.

Roman kept trying to convince Virgil to get in the water, even promising to hold him in case he didn’t know how to swim. Remus was getting bored from Virgil’s stubbornness so he got up and ran up to Virgil, causing him to run.

While running, Virgil trips on a stick. Thanks to that, Remus was able to catch up to Virgil and quickly picked him up, despite Virgil’s struggling.

He made his way to the lake, cackling with a large grin over his face.

“This is what happens to cowards like you!”

And with that, Remus threw Virgil in the water, running to the bag Janus had brought, but that Remus had added some things in. One of those was a jar full of flies.

Virgil sank deeper in the water, he was confused. Every time he was told about water, it was described as cold and unwelcoming. But at this moment, he felt warm, held and free, as if the water was holding him. Welcoming him back into a home he had forgotten. He wasn’t scared, and he didn’t know why.

Back on land, Remus had opened his jar of flies over the lake, swarming the four other swimmers still in the water. Logan tried to ignore them as he held onto a rock attached to land, having felt much heavier when he got in the water. Roman was trying to kill in the flies. Janus tried to swap them away with his hat .Patton was swimming around, generally unbothered by the flies until his stomach growled slightly. Patton looked at the flies and opened his mouth, a longer and stickier version of his tongue flings out and caught a handful of flies, making Patton eat them happily until he realized what had happened.

Remus sees that and starts to laugh heavily, having never seen anyone able to do that, and not seeming bothered by the tongue.

Suddenly, Janus, Logan and Roman quickly get out the water, screaming their heads off. Leaving Patton to think that he had scared the others, he did scare himself with what he had done. It also left Remus confused, since it wasn’t THAT creepy, right? Just a small mutation or something? They got less confused when Virgil popped his head out of the water.

Virgil’s skin was much paler, and a bit purpler. Two large fins were where his ears should be and gills at the side of his neck and his teeth replaced by large fangs.

Patton screamed and gets out the water quickly, tripping and galling to the ground quickly. It was quickly discovered that his fingers had gotten thinner and bigger and rounder around his fingertips. the same thing had happened to his feet.

Remus, Logan, Roman and Janus all took steps back from Patton, checking themselves in horror and fear.

“Um…Logan?” Janus started ”Did…you always have…bumps on your back?”

“No?...I have two birthmarks…why?”

“there…there are two bumps…on you back…”

Logan quickly checked his back, and sure enough, Janus was right. He carefully touched them but quickly pulled his hand away, wincing in pain. When he had winced, the bumps moved and flattened, looking now just like Logan’s normal birthmarks.

Virgil, who had caught on to what had happened to him, managed to crawl out the water, his legs turned into a fishtail with more fins and  some gills on his sides. When he had gotten on land, his tail stretched and split in half, becoming legs again. The scales now simply sliding off him and falling to the ground. Similar things happened to Patton’s hands and toes, turning back to normal.

“well” Remus began ”I think it’s safe to say that we are never coming back here ever again.”

“Agreed” The other said in unison before quickly running home.

[taste-in-music]

My Favorite Hit Songs of 2019

This year’s crop of popular music was... absolutely bonkers? I mean, this year we had Billie Eilish crash into the mainstream, Lizzo managed to get multiple hits out of songs she released nearly three years ago, the Jonas Brothers made a comeback, and the longest-running #1 hit in Billboard history became a rap/country crossover that got its start on Tik Tok made by a complete nobody and the dad from Hannah Montana. I’m going to admit, this list was pretty hard to put together, as I found it hard to find 10 songs that I genuinely loved that were hits this year. Despite that, the sheer absurdity of this year’s popular music gave me a spark of hope going into the new decade. For this list, I’ll be selecting my favorite songs off of Billboard’s year end Hot 100 songs list. I’m ready to recount this year in music, so...

10) Sucker by Jonas Brothers I never watched the Jonas Brothers show or listened to their music back when they were big on Disney, so I’ve got no nostalgic investment in them. However, this was a fun comeback to watch play out. This song was pretty dang good for a while, with the funky guitars and the instantly catchy lyrics. It reminded me of “Feel It Still” by Portugal. The Man. Then it got the point where three separate radio stations were playing it at the same time, and now I can barely stand it. I think that after the radio releases this song from its clutches it will warm up on me again though, because I do like it overall.

9) Better by Khalid The strongest attribute of this song is its ATMOSPHERE. The beat, melody, and vocal delivery all compliment one another perfectly, combining to create a smooth, almost sexy sound that washes over you with ever listen. I also like the Daft-Punk-y vocoded lines that pop in at the end, they’re so unexpected and yet they fit in perfectly. I've always loved Khalid’s vocal timbre, it’s so chill and yet warm at the same time. The only thing I can’t praise about this is the lyrics, because I have no clue what they are. Khalid, bless his sweet soul, cannot enunciate. It’s the same problem I have with Ariana Grande. I love your voice, I want to know what you’re saying! 

8) Trampoline by SHAED Give me the hipster points, because guess who knew about this song before it was cool! I’ve loved SHAED’s music for some time now, so it’s been thrilling to watch this song climb the charts and for them to get the recognition and success that they deserve. While this song isn’t my favorite by them, (that slot would probably be reserved for “Perfume” or “Melt,”) it does showcase the group’s strengths, which are emotive vocals and glossy electronic production. I love the effervescent backing vocals and bubbling keys that pepper this song, it gives the song a floaty feel while still keeping it tense. 

7) Old Town Road by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus I can’t think of a piece of music in recent memory that has captured the public’s attention so swiftly and so completely, and you know what? Sometimes something gets big because it’s good. This song, despite all the memes and jokes and radio play and oversaturation, never ever got old to me. Every time it comes on, it puts a giant, goofy smile on my face, and I sing along to the whole thing. I want Lil Nas X to stick around, but even if he doesn’t, I want what this song represents, genre blending, trend-bucking, and a sense of fuck-it fun, to stay.

6) bury a friend by Billie Eilish Out of all the strange hits we had this year, this was the weirdest one to hear on the radio. It doesn’t have a classic structure! It’s about the monster under your bed! It’s got nothing but a shuffle beat, bass, and the sound of dental drill! It just doesn’t belong on the airwaves next to songs like “ME!” or “I Don’t Care.” Despite that, I’m beyond happy that Billie Eilish is bringing a bit of emo weirdness to the mainstream, because if the success of her music, specifically this song, says anything, it’s that pop is heading in a far scarier and more experimental direction. And I’m on board with that. 

5) break up with your girfriend, i’m bored by Ariana Grande The groove on this song is fantastic. The combination of eerie synths, bass, reverbed backing vocals, and rolling snares makes it feel tight and controlled, but also loose and flowing at the same time. There was a lot of pushback against this song due the sentiment of the lyrics, but it’s not like Ariana is unaware that she’s the bad guy in this position. There’s enough indifference and sarcasm in her delivery to show that she’s self aware. This was probably my favorite out of the hit singles from the thank u, next era, (”thank u, next” is great but got a bit old to me, and I don’t care for “7 Rings.”) 

4) Circles by Post Malone  This is embarrassing to admit, because I rarely, if ever, enjoyed any music Post Malone has put out in the past. But this song just hits different. The instrumental feels more acoustic-driven and has a nice pulse to it, projecting a warmth and comfort that none of his other songs have. This was a perfect hit for Autumn, being chill and relaxing enough for Summer, but the underlying bass groove makes you want to move into the productive patterns of the school year. If Post Malone made more music like this I’d reckon I’d enjoy his music quite a bit. 

3) Dancing With A Stranger by Sam Smith ft. Normani Sometimes radio filler turns out to be spectacular. The ambiance this track builds is relaxing but in an otherworldly kind of way, forming a soundscape of echoing drums and whispering synths. I’ve always stood by the opinion that Sam Smith sounds really good with an electronic beat under them, it helps their great voice move in a more free-flowing way. Normani also sounds amazing on this song, her vocals dipping into smokier territory, and when the two sing together they play off one another’s performances with ease. 

2) Sweet But Psycho by Ava Max Who predicted this in their last year’s hit song’s list? This bitch! I was so happy to see this hit the U.S. charts, you have no idea. It was such a breath of fresh air in that it was so splashy, sugar-sweet, and unabashedly pop. The lyrics are some of the silliest of the whole year, (”she’s poison but tasty” makes me chuckle every time,) but it doesn’t matter. The addictive melodies and the earnestness in Ava Max’s performance make them sound like Shakespearean poetry, or at least like she believes that they’re Shakespearean poetry. 

Should Have Been Hits

Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift This should’ve been a single. I get why Taylor chose the singles she did, but this was primed to be a Summer smash, with the glossy synths and vocoded backing vocals and soaring chorus. We were robbed. Robbed, I tell you!

Graveyard by Halsey While “Without Me” got all the glory, this is my favorite of all the Halsey singles we’ve gotten so far by a wide margin. It’s the only one that I’ve made the conscious choice to listen to on my own time for one. I love the way the production rushes as the chorus hits, and the synths that sparkle throughout the verses, and Halsey’s reserved performance.

3 Nights by Dominic Fike This was a hit in the U.K., and I even heard it on a few alternative stations, so why no cross over? If there was any song that should have been the chill Summer hip hop hit, it should have been this. This song is weirdly addictive, the chorus is so inexplicably catchy that once you hear it one time through you will know all the words to it. 

Blame It On Your Love by Charli XCX ft. Lizzo When the mainstream decide that it didn’t need Charli XCX? Because it’s wrong, it needs her very, very badly. The success of “1999″ in the U.K., the name recognition, and the Lizzo feature should’ve been more than enough to boost this onto the charts, but I guess we didn’t want an instantly catchy and fun EDM pop song on the radio. Oh well. 

Motivation by Normani Normani and Lauren are my favorite Fifth Harmony members, so I’ve been rooting for their solo careers like nobody’s business. This single in particular had so much potential: a bouncy beat, a stamp of approval from Ariana Grande, and a kick-ass music video filled with impressive choreography. I hope this gets a bigger push into next year, because Normani is a wildly talented performer that deserves success outside of her collaborations. 

Guilty Pleasures

bad guy by Billie Eilish This was a good song, just not my favorite off the album, or of the hits, (I prefer ”bury a friend,” obviously, and “when the party’s over,” which made last year’s list.) Still, watching this idiosyncratic little tune become one of the biggest pop smashes of the year was enthralling. Like “bury a friend,” it was so strange to hear this on the radio. 

Close To Me by Ellie Goulding ft. Diplo & Swae Lee When a melody gets its claws in me, there’s nothing I can do about it. This is not Ellie Goulding at her best, (I’ll admit that I miss the days of “Lights,”) but the way she delivers the hook on this song is absolutely infectious. I’m not the biggest Swae Lee fan, but he’s fine here too. I never minded when this song came on the radio. 

This year was a bit of a roller coaster for me. Needless to say, there were several instances where I felt quite a bit of stress and insecurity, and oftentimes, I would turn to music to make myself feel better. There was one song in particular that a friend of mine, @hasanminajs​, introduced me to, that instantly became a beacon of self-appreciation and enjoyment to me throughout the year. And when I tell you that I have never been happier to hear a song on the radio than I have with this one, I'm telling the truth. 

1) Truth Hurts by Lizzo I have never rooted for a song’s success like I have for this one, and watching a hip hop track this bouncy, confident, and enigmatic climb the charts was an absolute joy. There are so many great punchlines in this song, from “why men great till they gotta be great?” to “I don’t play tag bitch, I’ve been it,” to the ever-iconic “I just took a DNA test, turns out, I’m 100% that bitch.” This song raised the standards for lyricism in the mainstream. I want Lizzo to be huge, I want her to be influential, I want her to be one of the biggest pop stars of the next decade if not longer. Everything about this song, from its production to its message to its performance makes me smile. And you know what? Sometimes that’s all that pop music needs to do. 

Do you agree with this list? What were your favorite hit songs of 2019? Leave a comment and let me know!