#my friends love me. isn’t it unfair of me to instantly assume the worst of them everytime? but. i don’t know

[salsflore]

there has to be something wrong with me 😂

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

jacqueline wilson’s ‘love lessons’

tw: abuse, pedophilia, characters making Bad Decisions, long unnecessary spiel about my childhood like I’m running a recipe blog

It’s funny how loads of the authors who helped shaped me into the vaguely humanoid being I am today have names beginning with the letter ‘J’; Judy Blume, Jeff Kinney, John Green, J.K. Rowling (yikes, I know) … and Jacqueline Wilson.

I’ve never owned a Jacqueline Wilson book of my own; they were always borrowed from a friend, or from a friend of a friend, or from a friend of a cousin- you get the gist. Her books, for me, come with an entire aesthetic: something reminiscent of yard sales, and reading under the covers with a flashlight, and being lulled into a false sense of security by the deceptively innocent Nick Sharratt illustration on the cover until someone’s best friend gets mowed over.

So I knew what I was getting into when I picked up Love Lessons. I knew this was going to be Fucked Up; and boy, was I right.

(Here’s the part where I warn you about spoilers.)

From an abusive dad to creepy child predator teachers to slut-shaming and victim blaming, this book has it all.

The main character is Prudence ‘Prue’ King, who is homeschooled at the beginning of the book, along with her sister, Grace. Their parents remain rooted in the early twentieth century, and are very strict about- well, everything. No TV, no computers, not a single mobile phone in the house; their clothing worse than the orphans’ from Annie; and their father remains distinctly distrustful of modern institutions like the school and the hospital; and so on, and so forth.

Daddy King suffers a stroke, and has to be taken to the hospital. Meanwhile, Mrs. King (a floppy, spineless woman who lives in fear and awe of her, frankly horrid, husband) sends the girls to school, behind the then invalid Mr. King’s back. Cue Prue and Grace being the freakshows of the school, with their strange clothing and overbearing mother.

Grace manages to make friends, but Prue remains alone. The kids are dicks, the teachers are dicks… well, all of them but one. And that’s the art teacher, Mr. Raxberry (I just couldn’t get over that name; it seems like something you’d name a mythical plant from Pixie Hollow or some shit. I’m assuming it isn’t an actual name, since the spelling & grammar check on my computer doesn’t seem to recognize it), or Rax, as he’s called.

Oh, yeah; Prudence’s favorite subject in school is art, and she’s a whiz at it. This is relevant, because reasons.

And here’s where stuff gets murky. Prue develops a crush on Rax- which is perfectly normal. I’m definitely no stranger to it; I’ve had crushes on my teachers, my mum admitted she used to think one of her professors was cute. And yeah, as I grew older, I grew out of those crushes and now have a markedly more refined taste in men (unless he’s 5’ 7’’, born in ’97 and named Bang Chan, I don’t want him); and my mum married my dad, so I’m assuming she did, too. Admittedly, now that my dad teaches at a university, it’s icky to think that there might be students who have crushes on him- but I digress.

My point is, loads of us have liked our teachers. But I doubt the majority of us have acted on it.

And Prue actively showing her interest in Rax isn’t the worst part. That’s a spot reserved for Rax reciprocating her feelings.

Guess Ezra Fitz and Ms. Grundy (yes, I watched Riverdale; please don’t cancel me) have a new addition to the Creep Club.

The age of consent in the UK is 16, if I’m not mistaken. Prue is 14. She’s just barely become a teenager, and she’s being preyed upon.

Because that is what Rax is. He’s a predator; he preys upon this vulnerable girl who’s never been in a relationship before- hell, she’s never even had friends- her father’s abusive, so she obviously doesn’t have the best experience when it comes to men- she’s unpopular at school, with the students and staff alike- and he lures her in. I don’t care how bloody nice he is to Sarah, or what a good dad he is (well, he’s really not, seeing as he cheated on the mother of his children WITH A BLOODY FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD CHILD)- the guy’s a fucking pedophile.

I was staunchly stuck at a yellow light with him; like, sure, maybe Prue thinks he’s flirting with her- maybe she’s looking at this all wrong, she doesn’t know how relationships work- see, he drew a picture of Sarah, too, in his secret notebook- Prue’s just reading into this too much- up until he says he loves her.

Dude. Humbert fucking Humbert. She’s fourteen, for Christ’s sake, and you’re married. You have two children. She’s a child. She’s probably closer to your son’s age than she is to yours.

(This is the part where I bury my head in my pillow. And scream. Extensively, and with passion.)

The book does make some genuinely good commentary on slut-shaming and victim blaming and abusive parenting. And on one hand, I can see why so many people find issue with the romanticization of the when I kissed the teacher trope- but I can defend it, too.

The book is in Prue’s perspective. She thinks she’s in love with Rax, so obviously, she’s not going to throw in some valuable moral at the end- because she’s too young and inexperienced to think otherwise. And sadly, there are loads of instances of child abuse that go unreported because the victims just don’t know better.

What I have issue with is how the school dealt with it, ultimately. Prudence, a child, has to deal with the consequences of the actions of a literal child predator. Sure, Rax ‘clears his name’ by cooking up some bullshit story about how it was only a crush and he didn’t encourage it, but you’d think other adults would know better and, oh, I dunno- dig deeper into it, instead of blaming it on a child?

“She says you told Mr. Raxberry you loved him and he held you in his arms and fondled you.”

Which Prudence denies, because, again, she doesn’t know better. She then goes on to say that they did nothing wrong. To which the adult speaking to her, in this case, the principal, Miss Wilmott, goes on to say:

“I’m not sure that’s entirely true… I feel that there are some aspects of your friendship that could be considered inappropriate.”

FYI, lady, he kissed her- multiple times (not that kissing her once makes him any more redeemable), and told her he loved her, and admitted to fantasizing about running away with her and leaving his family behind. Fun fact: do you know Prudence is underage?

You’d think that Miss Wilmott would maybe give this whole fiasco a favorable ending, but it turns out she listens to school gossip;

“I haven’t been at all happy with your attitude. You don’t seem to understand how to behave in school. I’ve heard tales of unsuitable underwear and then a silly romance with one of the boys in your class. I feel that in the space of a few short weeks you’ve made rather a bad name for yourself… I don’t know whether you intend to be deliberately insolent but you certainly come across as an unpleasantly opinionated and arrogant girl… I can’t help feeling that you’ll be much better off elsewhere. I shall try hard to engineer a suitable transfer to another school.”

And then she comes out with this gem:

“If you won’t leave, then I shall have to ensure that Mr. Raxberry finds another position.”

“No, you can’t do that! He’s a brilliant teacher.”

“You should have thought of that before you started acting in this ridiculous and precocious manner. If I were another kind of headteacher, I would have Mr. Raxberry instantly suspended. There could even be a court case. He would not only lose his job, he could find himself in very serious trouble. Did you ever stop to think about that?”

Girlboss, gaslight and gatekeep. The fucking trifecta.

Also, by ‘another kind of headteacher’, does she mean the kind of headteacher WHO DOESN’T LET CHILD PREDATORS ROAM FREELY WITHIN THEIR HALLS?

This bitch is out here blaming a child, a literal child, for the crimes of an adult man.

The only time Prue seems aware of the fact that Mr. Raxberry is actually a very shit person is her immediate thoughts that follow after she tells Miss Wilmott she’ll take the fall;

I so wanted to save darling Rax- and yet why hadn’t he wanted to save me? Had he told Miss Wilmott it was all my fault, that I’d got a ridiculous crush on him, that I’d made ludicrous advances to him? … I wanted to tell this horrible, patronizing woman how hungrily he’d kissed me, but I couldn’t do it. I loved him. I had to help him.

NO, SWEETHEART; YOU MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT.

And maybe I’m going overboard with all these excerpts, but here’s what Rax has to tell Prue, after school, following her expulsion:

“I let her think the worst of you, the best of me, just to save my skin. I said it was ridiculous talking about a love affair between us. I said you simply had a crush on me, and that I was just trying to be kind… You were brave enough to stand up to me and force me to acknowledge the truth… I love you… That’s why I had to take a risk and see you this one last time. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t care… Every night when I close my eyes, I’ll think of us together in this car and how badly I wanted to drive off with you. I’ll imagine us walking hand in hand at the water’s edge… I wish I wasn’t such a coward.”

(I burrow into the pillow further. I’m trying to suffocate myself.)

And that’s where I think Wilson went wrong. Sure, Prudence getting expelled for something that was completely out of her hands is unfair, and horrible, but it’s real. That shit can happen.

What’s bad is showing Rax in a positive light after all that. If only Wilson had written Rax to not be the Romeo he thinks he is. Make him ignore Prudence, throw her under the bus in front of her face, instead of this star-crossed lovers bullshit it’s made out to be. Show your younger audience that Rax is not a good man. I’ve got a little over two weeks left for my twentieth; I can see why this is unacceptable. But I was a little younger than Prue when I watched Pretty Little Liars, and my only gripe with Aria dating Ezra was that Noel Kahn was so much cuter.

It shows when you scroll down the Goodreads reviews; you’ve got adults giving it one or two stars, and teenagers giving it four or five, with their biggest complaints being, “but Toby was cuter!!!”

Other non-pedophilia related complaints regarding the book include: Prudence being unlikable- which I didn’t really notice, considering she reacted to some people way better than I would’ve, even at 19 (which probably says a lot more about me than it does about Prue, but oh well). Still, Prudence obviously isn’t the most prudent of people- and again, she’s fourteen. Look me in eye and tell me you weren’t an arsehole at that age (unless you’re fourteen now, in which case, I assure you that you’ll look back on yourself someday and go ‘wtf was I thinking’). Bringing up Toby’s dyslexia in an argument was low, though.

There were people who thought the Kings’ almost-Amish lifestyle was exaggerated and unrealistic, but I assure you, it may very well be real. There are 8 billion people on the world- it’s fair to assume that several of them are complete weirdos.

Grace was a sweet character, and I adored her with every fiber of my being. As were her friends Iggy and Figgy. Honestly, I would’ve loved a book about Iggy, Figgy and Piggy’s (mis)adventures too.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #356

“i’m just a painting that’s still wet: if you touch me, i’ll be smeared, you’ll be stained, stained for the rest of your life”

Have you ever used emotional blackmail to get your own way? WOW, no. What a starter. Has anybody ever used emotional blackmail on you? Not to my memory. Who did you last worry about and why? Honestly? Myself. My physical health just isn't very good right now. When are you next at work? Do you enjoy your work? N/A When was the last time you ate/drank something gross just to be polite? I'm not sure; I'm honestly very, very bad at this. I struggle big time hiding if I don't like something. Last time you heard a growl, who or what did it come from? My stomach. When did you last make up a baby’s bottle? Never. Do you have a mouse for your laptop? (Assuming you have a laptop) I use a mouse. I'm not a big trackpad fan. Do you have the right time set on your microwave? Yeah. What is your most expensive bill? I don't have any bills that I pay myself, because I can't. Do you have a big yard? No. Is there someone you would love to punch right now? Myself lol. Does the water in your shower take a long time to get warm? Yeah, it does. Song playing? I have "Leave A Scar" by Marilyn Manson on. Are you tired? I'm always tired. If you had the power to instantly transform someone’s life (for the better), who would you choose to use this on? My mom. Her entire life has been so fucking unfair, and she doesn't deserve it whatsoever. Just one day of her being perfectly happy would make my entire life. You wake up to a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. Your family is safe, but most of your city is zombified. You need weapons and various other supplies. What is your first general course of action? I seriously cannot even begin to imagine what I would do besides panic and be one of the first to die, honestly. If a family member (or boyfriend/girlfriend, if you have one) happened to be infected by one of these undead creatures, how would you go about dealing with that situation? It would tear me to shreds, but shoot them in the head to hopefully prevent them from turning. I couldn't let them suffer. Does someone’s view on homosexuality affect how you feel about them in any way? Sure as hell does. How about someone’s view on religion? This one depends on what their beliefs entail and to what intensity. If you were paralyzed from the neck down, would you still want to continue living? Why or why not? NO. NO. NO. This is seriously one of my biggest fears. Just fucking kill me. That sounds like very legitimate torture to me. Has any medication you’ve taken ever made you sick? How so? Three, to my memory. When I started Latuda, it made me throw up semi-frequently, BUT its effectiveness made me stay on it. My body eventually adjusted. The same thing happened with my current mood stabilizer, Vraylar. I was also on another, Trintellix I think, and that one did nothing but consistently make me puke, so I stopped it. Would you ever consider being a foster parent? No. Would you rather drink alone or with friends? With friends. Do you have too much time on your hands? WAY too much time. And yet I do nothing productive with it. Have you ever thought about hurting someone? Not seriously, no. Do you thank people for helping you? Always. Have you ever seen a zebra up close? Yeah, a few. Do you freak out if you see blood? Nah, it doesn't bother me. Have you ever complained to a manager about anything? What was it? No. Are there any songs that make you feel angry inside when you hear them? "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White makes me feel that, among a thousand other emotions that are way too strong for me to handle, so I just don't listen to it. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? YIKES, no. Are you in an argument with anyone right now? No. Have you ever written a poem for someone? Numerous times. Who’s the last person who cussed you out in anger? I think only my grandmother has done that. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve meet online? Sara. (: Have you friended your parents on FB? I have my mom on there, but Dad doesn't have a FB. Where do you go out to eat for a special occasion? It depends on what we're in the mood for and what the occasion is. When someone sneezes, do you say “Bless you,” or “God Bless you?” Just "bless you." Have you ever seen the movie A Walk to Remember? Cliche or worth watching? Yeah, it's a wonderful movie. Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? House. Are you one of those people who like to spell out numbers? Grammatically speaking, any number below ten should be spelled out. I obviously spell out "ten," but w/e. Did you or do you still have a Furby? Was/is it annoying? I did as a kid. It didn't annoy me then, but as an adult I know they're creepy as shit lol. What's one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in? I don’t participate in any town events. Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouse’s names? Yeah. There's Nick, Josh, and Franky. Do you know how to sew? What's your favorite thing to sew? No. Have you ever owned a turtle? Did it ever bite you when you owned it? It's so awful looking back on, but my sisters and I kept a box turtle that wondered into our yard once as kids. No proper husbandry or anything; it was just in the kiddie pool. Thankfully, we were smart enough to not actually keep it forever (or rather, until it probably died from improper care); we wound up releasing it into the pond near our house, from which we assume it came from. Do you have Photoshop? If so, how often a day do you use it? I do; it comes with the Adobe photography bundle I have. I definitely don't use it daily, or even weekly. Has your school ever had a lockdown? If so, for what reason exactly? No, only drills. Do you enjoy it when your school has drills? (ex/fire or tornado drill?) I didn't, no, because I didn't like imagining the real situation. Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? I'm an adult, for one. But anyway, I've never watched shows they'd have a problem with. If you have any pets, how would you describe their personalities? The cat, Roman: very, very affectionate, boisterous, demanding, playful, smart as fuck, and shy when it comes to strangers. The snake, Venus: curious, chill, and a bit timid. Do you have any friends that own a private lake? Not to my knowledge. Do you have a drone? No. Who is your favorite comedian? It was John Pinette, but following his death, probably Gabriel Iglesias. Where were you the last time you stayed in a hotel? I think at a dance competition? Do you know anyone with Crohn’s disease? Yeah. Out of all of the shows, movies, and books you love, who is your OTP (one true pairing)? Probably Spyro and Cynder from The Legend of Spyro trilogy. I love them. But I honestly don't have like, intense OTP feelings for any fictional characters? No real reasons, I just don't. Rhett and Link are my *true* OTP haha, but I didn't know if they counted since they're obviously real. Have you ever written a fanfiction? Did people actually like it? Nah. Have you ever liked playing dollmakers or online dress-up games? OH MY GOD my little sister and I would do that together ALL the time. Have you ever sent any celeb fan mail? No. Have you ever gotten a serious injury at school? What happened? No. Do your pets follow you when you walk around the house? Oh yes, he's my shadow. What was the very first social media site you signed up for? Myspace. Are you the type of person who knows exactly what they want in life? I mean, I know what I want, I just don't know if it's achievable for me. Do you have commitment issues? Nope. If you were to start a business, what kind would it be? I'd love to have like my own facility for boudoir photography. I've only shot boudoir once, but it immediately became a passion because of how empowering it was for my then-friend. I could go on a real ramble as to why I love it. What’s something you’ve done that sounds too crazy to be true? Been to psychiatric hospitals like six times. I honestly did lose count. Are there any flowers planted outside your house? No. What was the last thing you drank? Water. Truly incredible, I know. What’s the weirdest decoration you’ve seen in someone else’s home? *shrug* Did you have your own bathroom when you were growing up? No. Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad and his wife. What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? That dinosaurs never existed. What was the very first election you voted in? This past one, actually. Do you feel positive and optimistic about your future? I don't want to think about this. What exes do you still associate with? Just Sara and Girt. Who told you they loved you last? My mom. Your worst enemy? I don't say I have any enemies. People who don't like me or I don't like them, but "enemy" isn't the proper word. What was your last dream about? Ugh. What a fucking question to ask, considering what I dreamt last night. I had both a nightmare and a normal dream; in the nightmare, I was sucked up into a tornado and carried away, and it felt so, so real. I was terrified. The dream is more vague in my memory, but I know I was at Jason's house (which wasn't actually his house) and his mom was still alive. I was hanging out with her and just chatting. It made me wake up in a really somber mood. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Psych hospitals, yes. Have you ever built a snowman? Yeah. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate. Do you have any scars? I have a lot, but most are from negligible instances that just won't go away for some reason. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? Putting all impossibilities aside as well as any potential health repercussions, maybe a meerkat and an opossum? Just in general a meerkat with a marsupial tail would be SO cute. Plus imagine the pattern. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Oh I don't know. Can you do any accents other than your own? I can pull off a really convincing British one. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. No. I just get clean, get out. I've always hated showering (the process anyway, I obviously enjoy feeling clean), so I get my business done adequately and then I'm done. Do you believe in aliens? Eh, maybe. It does seem pretty questionable to believe NOTHING else can exist in an infinite space. I doubt they're little green men, though. What do you think about babies? WAY too much work and WAY too much responsibility. Keeping another life safe, healthy, happy... the idea alone is terrifying. No thanks.

[lipstickbisous]

period┃j.m.r.f

this is copy and pasted from my wattpad, whoops. i’m currently listening to ‘bad guy’ on repeat because i am making an imagine based off of that song.

summary; you accidentally leak on jonah’s sheets one night and, although it’s not your fault, all you can do is apologize.

warnings? fluff, not very original of me, maybe cursing

request? no

tags? @splendidseavey @kvd963 @myheartswdw @fallingforbesson @technolilly @ijustreallylovethem @tempus-ut-luceant @maraiseavey @coolkidcorbyn

you hadn't had the best day, but it wasn't your worst, that's for sure.

you did spend the entire day alone. your boyfriend, jonah, was out with his bandmates at the studio. so, for eight hours, you remained inside the why don't we house watching netflix, eating food, and surfing the internet.

you hadn't really felt that well when you woke up that morning, but it wasn't anything serious. just a small pain in your stomach for an hour and a half or so, and then it went away, so you brushed it off like it was nothing.

but you had started to grow impatient. you hated spending an entire day alone. you loved jonah with all your heart, and all you wanted to do was cuddle and watch movies with him. but he was living his dream. he had achieved everything he could've thought of when he was little and he became very successful with his band. of course, you were proud of him, but there were certain times when you wanted jonah all to yourself.

but you waited. you waited for eight hours for jonah to come home. and as you sat on the couch in the living room, binge-watching parks and recreation, you heard the doorknob turn and unlock, the large wooden barrier opening. you jumped up from the couch and were greeted by jonah with the largest smile on his face, the boys just behind him.

you ran up to him and jumped slightly just so he could catch you. your arms were wrapped around his neck, your legs around his torso. he kissed your temple and remained to hug you. you heard the boys cooing about the two of you in the background. you rolled your eyes and stood back up on your feet.

"i missed you, baby," he said, hugging you again.

although it had been eight hours, it felt like it had been a whole month. you two couldn't even eat a meal without each other. "i missed you too." you smiled into his chest.

the rest of the night continued as you wanted it. it was just you and jonah, the boys understood and left the two of you alone. you remained up in jonah's room for the night watching movies on his computer. occasionally, you would text corbyn or jonah would text daniel to bring up some food since you were both too lazy to go downstairs and get it yourselves.

in the middle of death note, you fell asleep. when the movie finished, jonah did the same.

»«

you squinted as you slowly opened your eyes. it was still dark in the room. you looked over at your clock that illuminated the room, its bright numbers reading "2:27 am". you groaned as you always hated when your body naturally woke up early. you could never get back to sleep.

jonah's arm was wrapped around your waist, making you feel safe and protected. but you knew you wouldn't fall asleep unless you got something to drink. so as much you didn't want to, you gently lifted jonah's arm from your body and slipped out from your shared bed.

you tip-toed down that stairs, careful not to wake any of the boys up. you had a slight idea of what was going on, but it wasn't due until the next week. you assumed you just had a small stomach bug and it was no problem.

you grabbed a small cup from the cabinets and poured yourself a glass of water. you slowly drank it until there was no more left. your body ached for more to drink, so you poured yourself another glass. but this time, you wanted something sweet. or something salty. you couldn't decide. you convinced yourself to be scandalous and grab a piece of chocolate that jack hid from the rest of the group.

as you quietly reached for the bag of chocolate candies, you heard light footsteps treading on the floor, making their way to the kitchen. you gasped and quickly put the candy bag back and closed the cabinet door. you turned around and saw jonah. he looked extremely tired, but it was adorable. he rubbed his left eye and sighed.

"oh," he chuckled. "there you are." he walked over to you and stood behind you. the beautiful boy wrapped his arms around your waist and placed his head in the crook of your neck, closing his eyes once again. you slightly rocked the both of you.

"falling asleep again, huh?" you chuckled.

"i was asleep," his voice was raspy and it made your heart flutter. "but then i woke up and you weren't there. i got scared for a second but i realized the door was open and, well, you don't like to leave the door open when you sleep because it scares you and i heard the sink in the kitchen running."

you smiled warmly and placed your hands on his forearms. jonah had known you since the two of you were in seventh grade. you were really good friends until tenth grade when kyle denholm asked you out and you said yes. you two grew distant and you didn't like that. during graduation, jonah admitted his feelings to you and you admitted your feelings to him. you broke up with kyle and started dating jonah. but you didn't mind. jonah knew you better than he knew the back of his hand.

"we should get back to bed," you told him. you heard him mutter in agreement and kiss your cheek. he let go of you and led the way back to his room. as you followed him, you couldn't help but get a weird feeling that something was going to happen. and you realized it all too late.

you saw jonah standing in the doorway, the light in his room turned on. he didn't move. he didn't have any expression on his face. you quickly walked into the room until you saw what jonah was staring at. you gasped loudly, your eyes wide open.

it was completely visible. on the right side of the bed, the side that you slept on, was a large, red spot. it was stained on your boyfriend's white sheets. you quickly ran to the bathroom and slipped off the pajama shorts you were wearing. sure enough, there was a red stain on them too. you closed the toilet lid and sat down. your elbows rested on your knees as you held your head in your hands. you sighed and returned the bedroom to put your shorts in the laundry.

when you entered your bedroom again, you noticed jonah was now leaning against the doorway, looking at the ground.

"jonah?" you asked. your voice was small. you were scared. would he be mad? would he yell?

jonah didn't look at you. he didn't even grunt in response. he walked over to the bed and threw the comforter and pillows from the furniture. you remained standing at the doorway, not knowing what to do. jonah pulled the sheets off from the bed, leaving the mattress bare. he made a pile of the dirty laundry and put your shorts with them as well. you watched him carry the laundry downstairs to wash it. you tried to say something, but nothing could come out of your throat.

after a few minutes, jonah returned back to the bedroom. he had the same blank expression on his face, and quite honestly, it scared you. jonah went to his closet and grabbed a fresh set of sheets.

"jonah," you said, this time a bit louder. he looked over to you. you suddenly felt nervous and didn't know what to say. "i'm sorry. i didn't mean to, i-i should've been more careful. it's my fault, i'm sorry," jonah stood back up and looked at you with the same goddamn expression. "are you mad?" you asked timidly.

instantly, jonah's face softened. he looked at you with comforting and sympathetic eyes. "(y/n), beautiful," he said, slightly smiling. "why would i be mad at you?"

"well, i got blood all over your sheets," you said. you felt a bit embarrassed for asking while you felt like it was the right thing to do. "it's disgusting, i know, i'm sorry. i should've paid more attention to when i was due, i thought it was next week, but i guess i was wrong. i'm sorry, jonah."

"(y/n)," jonah said, sighing lightly. "listen to me right now. there's nothing to be sorry for. you have nothing to be sorry for. this isn't your fault, why would you think that? every single woman on this planet goes through this, it's okay. i understand it's an accident. accidents happen, it's perfectly fine. and you know what? they're just sheets. they're just sheets that can be washed. and if i can't get the stain out, that's perfectly fine. i have, like, a dozen more in my closet. i'll just use those. but you don't have to be sorry for anything. i hate that you have to go through this every month of your life until you're fifty. it sucks and it's unfair. i'm sorry. but this," jonah pointed to the bed. "is not your fault."

you still stood near the doorway. you smiled a small smile to jonah. he walked over to you and pulled you closer to him. you breathed lightly, feeling his heartbeat match yours.

"come on," he said, walking to the bathroom. "i'll run you a bath, i'll go out to the store and get some stuff for you, and when i come back, we can do whatever you want."

you smiled. "okay." you said, following him.

(a/n) i hate this one so much.

[tessatechaitea]

Young Heroes in Love #6

I was expecting Monstergirl to spin webs but not from her fingers.

Growing up, I thought the word "betrayal" was a command so every kid in my class named Al hated my fucking guts. Also, I'm constantly confused by the name Al because whenever anybody named Al accomplishes anything, I first think that some super smart robot AI just accomplished it. This issue is called "You'll Never Walk Alone into the Furnace of Unstable Molecules." I have not been discussing the names of the issues. You might be able to guess why. They're all like that. Issue #1: "Your Lips! Your Eyes! Your Nuclear Breath Vision!" Issue #2: "Look Before You Leap into the Telekinetic Proto-Bomb!" Issue #3: "Two Hearts Beat as One Giant Undead Guy!" Issue #4: "Cry Me a River of Nigh Irresistible Beams!" Issue #5: "Out of the Frying Pan and into the Trans-Universal Galacto-Storm!" They're probably secret messages which need the Young Heroes in Love secret decoder butt plug to decipher. Sure, I own it so I could decipher the messages but it's kind of being used right now for its other intended purpose. The issue begins not with Bonfire exposing Hard Drive's manipulations of the Young Heroes but Bonfire waking up in bed having been mind controlled to forget that she was exposing Hard Drive's secrets. Or she did expose them and later, after Hard Drive recovered his spent powers, he simply mind controlled everybody to forget it and now everything is back to normal. At least until Tara realizes what Willow has done and then sings a duet with Giles about how she was violated by Willow and then everything will fucking just fall apart. Seriously, just stop watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer after the musical. Just pretend it all works out for the best. Because it eventually does! At least until Angel brings about the end of the world. With dragons!

With sexual applications!

I mean, I don't have a clitoris but I'm just going to assume that doing anything to it is good. Yeah? Meanwhile, a villain team known as The Ratpack are busy extorting a school for three thousand dollars. The members of the Ratpack: Mongoose Lord, Doc Ferret, She-Weasel, Flying Squirrel, King Rat, Gerbil-Girl, Whiskers the Living Hamster, and Captain Kangaroo Rat. It's like a meta(l)gene bomb exploded in a pet store. Being that I'm a fucking weirdo who isn't afraid to admit that he has sexual fantasies about comic book characters, I'd just like to say that I've already imagined three different sexy scenarios involving me and Gerbil-Girl. Also, what the fuck does Whiskers think Hamsters are? Zombies? Why is he the "living" hamster?

Gerbil-Girl is so mad at my dick.

The school contacts the Young Heroes because even though they don't think the money is too much of a hassle, they fucking hate filthy rats. Nobody likes rats! At least not the metaphorical ones. You know the saying: whiskers get stichers. But real rats are adorable. At least the ones that pet stores sell and not the ones that climb out of your toilet in the middle of the night. While the team stakes out the school waiting for the Ratpack, they get to discuss relationship problems! It's the entire reason for this comic book to exist. Bonfire is all, "I want to fuck Thunderhead but I'm not sure I'm ready to fuck Thunderhead, you know?" And Monstergirl is all, "I love fucking Hard Drive but I'm not sure I want to be with Hard Drive!" And Bonfire is all, "I don't even remember that I want to fuck Frostbite!" And Monstergirl is all, "I know, right?!" And Grunion Guy is all, "Our initials are exactly the same! I know Gerbil-Girl and I will be happy together forever!" Before any of the better drama can happen, like Off-ramp telling Frostbite that he wants to kiss him in a really bad place, the Ratpack crawl out of the sewers! And they almost instantly get beaten up by the Young Heroes. That's because the Young Heroes are on Issue #6 which means they're basically Level 2 or 3 and battling rats in the sewers is a total Level 1 adventure.

"Insert two fingers, Gerbilgirl! Insert two fingers!"

After the battle, Bonfire takes Thunderhead to the library because Bonfire doesn't know what libraries are for.

Outrageous! Throwing their chewing gum wrapper on the floor!

Oh no! I just read the last page of this issue and it turns out Bonfire wasn't Bonfire at all! It was Monstergirl pretending to be Bonfire! That's like, um, rape or something! Am I not allowed to like Monstergirl's ass now that it's the ass of a rapist?! I hope Bonfire doesn't treat Thunderhead the way Starfire treated Nightwing when Mirage did this to him! That was some totally unfair blaming the victim shit. Not that Nightwing was much of a victim. Look, I know this is a controversial thing to say but getting fucked by a shapeshifter who is pretending to be the person you want to fuck isn't the worst thing that can happen to a person! I wish I were friends with some horny and unethical shapeshifters right now! Young Heroes in Love #6 Rating: A. It's too bad I can't continue to like Monstergirl anymore because she was my favorite. I could say she's even more my favorite now but that would look bad so instead I'm saying, "Gee. What a terribly unethical person. Doesn't she understand consent? She not only violated Thunderhead but Bonfire as well! In fact, now that I think about what she did to Bonfire, I'm really beginning to not like her as opposed to just saying I don't like her so that people don't tell me I'm gross. Poor Bonfire! Now her relationship with Thunderhead is tainted before it even had a chance to begin? Also, what if Monstergirl made her vagina look horrible?! Monstergirl really is a monster!" In summation, I think what Monstergirl did was super wrong so don't judge me! But Thunderhead still got laid so, I mean, was it that wrong? I mean, it was! So wrong! Terrible! The worst even!

[writinginstardust]

After The War | Chapter 6

Pairing: Dorian Havilliard x reader

Warnings: mentions of injury and drinking

A/N: Yeah I know this took forever but I had way too much important real life stuff to deal with so it is what it is. Thanks for being patient and I hope you enjoy it!

Word Count: 3180

*

Dorian awoke to what felt like his head being split open on a stone floor. He was still half-dressed from the previous day and for a moment couldn't recall exactly why. Squinting against the light which seemed far too bright for the early morning, he stumbled out of bed and to his adjoining bathroom, splashing cold water on his face which woke him up enough for the memory of the previous night to return to him.

He recalled the moment he first caught sight of (Y/N) and how beautiful she'd looked, how she'd felt in his arms as they danced. Then how, as he'd watched her dance with one of his Lords, his gut had clenched painfully and he'd wanted nothing more than to drag her away and keep her all to himself for the evening. He remembered drinking to try and rid himself of that feeling and drinking more when that didn't work. After his fifth glass things started to get a little hazy.

He remembered Sartaq drinking too much alongside him and Chaol trying to get them both to take it easy. Struggling back to his room, being left with only (Y/N) to help him to bed - what he now suspected to be a deliberate ploy by Chaol to get them alone, the warmth where he'd briefly held her hand before she left, words he couldn't recall leaving his mouth without a thou- oh no. No. He remembered them now.

Hopefully (Y/N) didn't hear. The last thing he wanted was to ruin their friendship with his carelessness. Then again, nothing had changed after the almost kiss in the library, maybe they'd be alright.

With a sigh he set about bathing and getting dressed, noting that the water had already started to cool. He had clearly overslept but hopefully the others wouldn't have finished breakfast without him. The chatter that greeted him as he approached the dining room was a relief. It wasn't too late then.

Everyone stopped eating and looked up when he entered and it felt for a moment as though he weren't himself but rather (Y/N) as he noted their little role reversal. Speaking of (Y/N), her and Nesryn were looking up at him with identical grins which promised nothing but trouble. Chaol and Yrene were also clearly entertained by his arrival though were doing a much better job of hiding it. He took his usual seat beside (Y/N) and started filling his plate with food, desperate for anything to make him feel less like he was dying.

“Good night, was it?” Hollin asked from his position across the table. He heard a couple of stifled laughs and was seriously rethinking his decision to have Hollin join them at mealtimes.

“Isn't any night you don't remember in the morning a good one?” He replied with forced nonchalance.

“I wouldn't know, you still won't let me drink more than a glass. Something tells me you remember last night anyway though.”

“Hollin, you're twelve, you're lucky to get that much.” He rolled his eyes at his brother and started eating.

“I know, I know.” With that he retreated back into his usual silence.

“So how much do you remember?” Yrene asked. Having finished eating she set all her focus on him and he felt the strong urge to run away. “Oh this is for you, it should help with the hangover.” She slid a steaming glass of...something to him and he took it gratefully. It looked strange but he'd take anything if it might help.

“Thank you. I remember most of the night to be honest, the end of it is a little hazy though.”

“So do you not remember proposing to Chaol?” He almost choked on the piece of bread he'd just put in his mouth and everyone at the table fell into fits of giggles. “I'll take it that's a no then.”

“I hope you said yes.” He turned to Chaol with a raised brow.

“Of course I did.”

“Good. Sorry Yrene, I'm stealing your husband.”

“I give you something to end your suffering and this is how you thank me? Fine, I'm marrying (Y/N) and neither of you are invited to our wedding.”

“It'll be a great wedding too,” (Y/N) spoke for the first time beside him, “I'm thinking spring in Terrasen, how does that sound?”

“Perfect.” The two girls grinned at each other across the table and Dorian was struck by how much they all felt like a family now.

“Am I forgetting anything else important or is that it? Because the worst thing being a proposal to my best friend doesn't sound too bad.” With unnerving synchronicity every pair of eyes slid over to (Y/N) and he hoped and prayed that he didn't do anything more than say I love you. Yrene spoke up after a few moments of vaguely uncomfortable silence.

“Well, we hear you said a lot of potentially embarrassing things to (Y/N). Fortunately for you though she won't tell us much of it.”

“There was nothing of great interest. I didn't realise you were such a cuddly drunk though. After hearing about your marriage proposal, I'm beginning to wonder if you thought I was Chaol the whole time.” Once again they were all laughing at his expense but he couldn't bring himself to care. He'd done nothing too embarrassing last night and that was enough for him.

“Well that's not so bad.” He said.

“No, it's not. (Y/N) got off lightly. I had to deal with endless flirting from Sartaq and then an hour of him crying about how much he loves me. It would have been cute if it wasn't 3 in the morning.” That would explain why Nesryn looked so exhausted and Sartaq's absence. The empty seat where Nox usually sat remained a mystery though.

“I take it we won’t be seeing him until dinner then?”

“You’ll be lucky if he even makes it to that.”

“Don’t expect to see Nox either,” (Y/N) added. “He is not in a good way this morning.”

“Well, judging by all this, last night was a success.” Dorian finished his breakfast and took a sip of the drink Yrene had given him, wincing at the somewhat unpleasant taste.

“The King and Queen enjoyed it so I'm inclined to agree with you,” (Y/N) agreed. “But maybe next time quit the wine while you can still get back to your own room, I'm not sure most emissaries you latch yourself onto will be as accommodating as me.”

“I think you underestimate my charm.”

“Do I?” She smirked and gods, it was too early for Dorian's heart to be dealing with that sight. This girl was seriously going to be bad for his health. Normally he'd have some probably too flirtatious comeback ready to defend himself with  but not today. Today all he could do was stare. Judging by the looks of his friends and the drawn-out pause they could tell something was up. He couldn't thank his long-gone gods enough for his hangover to explain it away.

After a few moments of silence Yrene pushed back her chair and stood.

“(Y/N), are you ready to get started then?” The subject change was jarring but he quickly realised she was obviously talking about healing (Y/N)’s leg.

“As I'll ever be. I'm really not looking forward to this.” She too stood and together they left the dining room. Dorian silently hoped it wouldn't be too painful for her and once again cursed the war for all the suffering it inflicted. Even a year later it was still causing fresh pain and he was tired of it taking things from the ones he loved.

A week and a half into the King and Queen of Eyllwe’s visit Dorian found himself completely distracted in a trade meeting. It was an important one as they were finalising the details and would be signing it by the day's end but he was struggling to pay any attention to the things being discussed. He was, unsurprisingly, thinking about (Y/N) and how much he wished he was with her than in this meeting.

He and (Y/N) had continued their usual routine of spending a couple of hours together before dinner even if she couldn't leave her bed sometimes and this meeting was eating into that time. Needless to say he was getting a little agitated. Luckily Chaol noticed and was more than willing to handle it and get it wrapped up as quickly as possible. Sometimes it was annoying Chaol could read him so well but today he was thankful for it.

20 minutes and a few signatures layer Dorian was finally free. He headed straight for (Y/N)’s rooms and flopped down onto the plush armchair he'd dragged over to her bed a few days ago after being let in by the maid.

“Rough meeting?” It was said around a yawn and Dorian looked over to see (Y/N) blinking sleepily at him.

“It wasn't bad as meetings go, just tedious. You know how it is.” She huffed out a little noise of affirmation.

“Well at least it's done now, it'll be my turn soon I suppose.” She sighed.

“Is Yrene nearly done then?”

“Yes, she said one more session in a day or two should do it. I can't wait not to be so exhausted all the time again.” As if on cue she let out a big yawn and allowed her eyes to flutter shut. She was far too cute like that and for a while Dorian just watched her, knowing she was probably too tired for any real conversation.

A lock of hair fell across her face as she shifted slightly and his fingers itched to brush it back, maybe linger on her cheek or tangle in the soft strands. In truth his whole body felt the urge to wrap itself around her and just stay like that forever. These were dangerous thoughts, Dorian knew, but alone like this, with her so peaceful beside him, he wasn't afraid of them.

As the quiet wore on, he assumed she'd fallen asleep and let himself relax and doze as well. With eyes closed he didn't notice hers crack open and watch him with thinly-veiled longing.

“You're cute when you're asleep.” It was said more to herself than to him but he was instantly alert again. “Not that you aren't normally, gods you're so cute. Do you even realise that? Do you know how unfair it is?”

He got the feeling he shouldn't be hearing this but wasn't sure if it was better to let her think he hadn't heard or to stop her before she said something in her sleepy state that she'd regret. How the tables had turned.

“I'm so glad I met you.” If the softness in her voice made his heart ache as much as it did, he was lucky not to be able to see how she looked at him as she said it. “Maybe if things were different...I wish…” Her whispered, unfinished thoughts trailed off into a melancholy sigh and Dorian was left wondering what they were about, if maybe she could feel the same as he did, and, if so, if either of them would ever take the chance.

He felt a soft set of fingers entwine with his own on the bed and had to try to conceal the surprised hitch in his breath. It's not as if he'd never held her hand before but it had never been this tender or, dare he say, loving. Then she went and started lightly tracing circles onto his skin with her thumb and that small action ignited something in his heart he hadn't known existed until then. If Dorian hadn't been completely gone for this girl before, he sure was now. Her breath evened out as she really did fall asleep this time and it wasn't long before Dorian did as well.

*

(Y/N) clutched his arm tighter as she stumbled for the 10th time in half as many minutes. It was their second day trying to get her leg to relearn how to walk and she was doing better than could be expected even if the slow progress was clearly getting on her nerves. The fact that she was able to walk even a little just five days after Yrene had finished her healing was impressive but not enough for (Y/N) and she let out a little huff of annoyance as Dorian helped her back to the couch to take a break.

“This is going to take forever,” she sighed and leaned against his side.

“No it won't. You're doing great already. I bet you'll be able to kick my ass within a week.”

“I think your confidence in me is misplaced.”

“And I don't think you give yourself enough credit. You're pretty incredible really.” Dorian turned his head to look at her and caught sight of the blush dusting her cheeks before she ducked her head and hid her burning face behind her hair. He smiled at her flustered state but moved on before she could get too awkward.

“So how's it feeling? Easier than yesterday? Still painful or getting better?”

“It doesn't feel any easier,” she mumbled, clearly a bit irritated by that fact, “and it hurts. A lot. It feels like there’s knives stabbing into it every time i put any weight on it and it’s like it’s not part of me somehow, I can’t make it do what I want and I hate it.” She ran a hand through her hair and flopped back on the couch in frustration.

“It’s alright, you don’t have to get better immediately, in fact I’d be concerned if you did. Healing takes time, you know that as well as I do, so don’t rush yourself.”

“I know, gods do I know...It’s just...this feels like the last hurdle, like after I’m better I can finally move on from everything and it’s been...so long...I just want it to be over.” Dorian pulled her into a side hug and she instinctively leaned her head on his shoulder - something he’d admit he took great pleasure in.

“I understand that. You’ve just got to keep trying, you’ll get there eventually. Remember you have all the time in the world now, don’t stress about it.”

“I’ll try, you make it seem a lot easier somehow. You’re a very good motivator.” She grinned at him and he returned it unthinkingly.

“Well I’m glad to be of service. You ready for another go?”

“I guess so, practice makes perfect right?”

“Indeed it does.” They stood once more and Dorian once again supported her as she tried to get her newly healed leg to cooperate.

For the next week they passed every afternoon the same way until (Y/N) could finally walk unaided once more. Then they passed another week going on runs and rides between endless strings of meetings. Just three weeks after her intense healing she was completely back to normal.

“How're you feeling?” Dorian asked as they entered the castle training room after a run about the grounds. (Y/N) was panting slightly, the sweat dripping down her face and neck making her skin glisten temptingly.

“Good. No pain, my stamina is almost back to where it used to be, and everything feels normal.” She smiled as she began stretching and Dorian made sure to face away from her as he began his own stretches - experience had taught him that that sight wasn't good for him in any way.

“That’s great, I told you you'd be as good as new in no time.”

“Actually you said I'd be able to kick your ass within a week. We've taken twice as long but I bet I could now.”

“Is that a challenge my dear?” He turned to her, eyebrow raised, and she looked up at him from where she'd bent over, touching her toes to stretch out her legs.

“It's a promise.” The challenging glint in her eye before she winked and resumed her stretches gave him no choice but to accept. He was  worried about it being too soon for that but at this point he'd do pretty much whatever she asked of him and if that meant her showing him up while they sparred then so be it. He had no idea what he'd got himself into. But then again, neither did she.

*

Dear Aelin,

My leg is healed! Gods it feels amazing to be able to use it like normal again. I feel like me again and I’m so happy. I’m going to start sparring again soon so we’ll see if I’ve lost my touch but I’ve got a good feeling about it. I bet I could still even hold my own against you, we’ll have to do a bit of training together when I get back.

So anyway, business. Trade agreements with Eyllwe are done and I think you’ll be happy with the result. Between you and me I think they were more reasonable with us than Adarlan because they feel indebted to you somehow, they really appreciate you being such a good friend to Nehemia I think. I suppose it won’t be long until everything is wrapped up now. We’ve got more discussions about getting aid there to have and the emissaries from Fenharrow and Melisande are arriving soon so if all goes well it’ll only be another few weeks before I come home. I’m sure everyone misses me so they’ll be thrilled to hear it. I can’t wait to see you all again either, I’ve been away for so long.

How are they anyway? You were far too vague last time you wrote. I need details Aelin! I miss the madness of Orynth and I refuse to be behind on the gossip when I get back. Oh and has Ansel arrived yet? Send her my love if she has, it’s been far too long since I last saw her and we really need to catch up. There’s not a whole lot more to say at the moment, I’ve been spending most of my time working on recovery. Dorian and everyone else have been an amazing help with that actually and while all of you up there are my closest family and the closest to my heart, I feel like I’ve found another family with everyone down here now. It’ll be sad to say goodbye to them but I’ll just have to get you to send me on any Adarlan business in the future so I can see them again. I may work for you but I’m very good at getting what I want so you will let me go on those trips.

I’ll write again soon with more news but until then make sure no one stops missing me and don’t be too happy until I’m back. (Kidding, I hope you’re all having a great time)

Love

(Y/N)

*

Tag Lists: (send an ask if you want to be added!)

Everything: @wonderfilledness

Dorian Havilliard: @myblackconfessions

Throne of Glass: @astressedwriter

[lurkernolonger]

Find Your Centre

Nothing happens in this. Literally nothing. (Which is why it has laid neglected since August.) Yet it still manged to be upwards of 3,000 words. This is the fic I was referring to in this post, which seemed to resonate with some. So maybe you’ll enjoy? Or not. I don’t know.

If you’d like, you can find my other ramblings here.

Summary: Rae and Chloe attend a yoga class.

“Nope. No. No way. Not happening.” Rae shakes her head violently and begins walking backwards from the door.

“Rae, come off it would you? We’re already here.” Chloe pulls her back, pushing her closer to the large glass window that looks into the studio.

“Look at these people, Chlo! There’s no way I’m bending head over arse in front of them! What if I topple over and crush one – OH GOD what if I start a domino effect and the whole class goes down?!”

“Rae.” Chloe shakes her head and rubs at her temples, unsure if she wants to laugh or scream. Rae was always on it with her self deprecating humour. “Everything is going to be fine. Look, we said we would try new things, yeah? This is a new thing. And Kester said it could help with your anxiety. Our anxiety.”

“Yeah well, fuck Kester! I’d like to see him showing off his rectum to a room full of beautiful lithe people.” Rae gestures wildly at the window, before her face scrunches up in disgust. “Eugh, rank mental image. Forget I said that.”

Chloe giggles but clocks the genuine fear in Rae’s eyes. Grabbing Rae by the shoulders, she squares her so they’re face to face. “Rae, nothing bad is gonna happen. We’re gonna go in, take the class, feel great about ourselves, and then go home and complain about how sore we are, alright?” She gives her a reassuring squeeze. When Rae just looks down, Chloe adds “we’ll grab a spot in the back, okay?”

“Yeah, alright. Thanks Chlo.”

The pair quietly enter the room where the rest of the attendees are chatting away, setting up and stretching on the mats laid out for them. Rae chooses a spot in the back corner, conveniently away from the mirrors that line the opposite walls. A pretty blonde girl directly in front of them is already twisted up in some impossible looking pose and Rae feels incredibly out of place.

“Jesus. Everyone in here looks like a fucking ballerina,” Rae whispers incredulously, tilting her head to one side to try and figure out how the girl even got in that position.

Chloe looks around, a slight worry on her own face, until a wicked grin sweeps over her expression. “He,” Chloe inclines with a tilt of her head, “is no ballerina.”

Rae looks up and instantly feels her stomach twist in to it’s own contortion. Stood near the front of the class is possibly the most beautiful boy she has ever laid eyes on (and she’s seen Damon Albarn live). He’s wearing shorts and a plain top, both of which show off his toned muscles, which somehow are flexing despite all he’s doing was reading over a piece of paper. His hair is brown and floppy and as he ruffles it absentmindedly, it lands in a perfectly dishevelled coif that on anyone else would look messy but on him looks just right. Rae moves her gaze lower admiring the curve of his lips, the cut of his jaw, the way his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows.

Another bloke approaches him and they greet each other with a grin and a high five, and Rae takes note of how his smile is actually kind of goofy. It gives him laugh lines and makes his eyes crinkle at the corners and his sex appeal is swiftly thrown in a pick-n-mix of utterly endearing cuteness, and Rae’s pretty sure she’s in love. They’re laughing now, the two boys, and fuck if his laugh isn’t goofier than his smile. It’s choppy, waving in and out like a tide, and Rae wants to dive in and maybe float there forever.

His eyes (which are just as brown and soft looking as his hair) shift to her as his friend speaks, and that’s when she realizes she’s been staring. Open mouth, unapologetic, obvious as fuck staring. Rae looks away quicker than she should, the urgent movement basically confessing that “yes, indeed I have been ogling you”, and swipes at her chin with a hand because she was probably certainly drooling. Her eyes are wide as she stares down at her mat, chastising herself internally for being caught out. She keeps her head lowered and counts to ten before she allows only her eyes to flick back towards him and what the fuck? He is still looking in her direction. Rae thinks she sees him bite his bottom lip against one of those crooked smiles, but she’s too busy trying to act like she’s not thinking about his mouth in that much detail to be sure.

“Ahem,” Chloe coughs smugly next to her. “Happy we stayed then?”

Rae scowls at her before shoving at her shoulder with a shush, trying to hide the fact that she’s positive the hot blood in her cheeks has increased the entire room’s temperature. She tells herself to focus on literally anything else besides the fact that one look off the bloke has made her thighs tenser than any yoga pose probably would.

Rae wants to shrink away, keep her focus on the ground, but her stupid eyes are stubborn and again they pivot to the front of the class. He’s not looking this time, but his body language has changed. Dare she say he’s conveying shyness, and how someone who looks like that could be unsure about anything Rae doesn’t know.

He has one arm across his front, grabbing at the opposite elbow while his thick eyebrows are knit slightly and for fuck’s sake his grumpy face is somehow more attractive. Rae thinks absently about kissing that furrow away before moving to those pouting lips and…fuck, he’s looking again. He’s looking and Rae is too surprised to react so they just stare at each other for a few heavy seconds before the hand grasping at his elbow releases it’s hold and starts waving tentatively. Rae’s eyes double in size and she whips her head from side to side to see who else is around, because there is no way he’s waving at her.

Except he is. And when she allows her hand to wave back – small and low, really just the tips of her fingers – she feels incredibly daft. That is until his face is breaking in to that devastating grin and she doesn’t notice that she’s sporting one to match. He chuckles and Rae clocks a dimple and a smattering of freckles and, really, it’s unfair for one face to have so much going for it.

“Oi, don’t think the class paid to watch you two flirt,” Chloe whispers with a giggle, nudging Rae in the arm and breaking the stare down.

“Yeah, don’t think they paid to drown in the flood in my knickers either!” Rae shoots back.

Chloe laughs so hard she falls on her back and has to clamp a hand over her mouth when several people send them dirty looks. Rae is warm all over, but for once it’s not from the negative glares. No, it’s all thanks to one person’s attention. The brown eyed, brown haired, epic slice who is…standing at the head of the class and trying to get everyone’s attention?

Bloody. Hell.

She’d only gone and stared and made awkward eye contact and fucking waved at the fit as yoga instructor! And now she’s supposed to watch his Greek God of a body bend and twist into positions that will definitely haunt her later when she’s alone in bed. Chloe’s caught on as well, her palm cupping her mouth again to stifle her giggles, and Rae slaps her arm with the back of her hand.

“S'not funny! This is embarrassing!” Rae whines in a whisper.

“Why? So you made eyes at each other. No big deal.” Chloe shrugs.

“The big deal is I need new knickers from just looking at his face! How am I meant to watch his body do…things?!? Fuck Chlo, I am literally paying him to teach me how to make a fool of myself! Let’s just go, please?” Rae grabs Chloe’s wrist and moves to stand but the boy’s voice interrupts her.

“Right, this is ‘Yoga for Beginners’! My name is Finn and I’ll be your instructor today.” There’s a general mummer in the room at that, along with most of the girls (and a few guys) exchanging sly looks with their friends. “I see a few new faces today, so to them I’d like to say welcome and I’m glad you came.”

There’s no way that Finn’s gaze zeros in on Rae as he speaks. Except it does. And in reaction she drops Chloe’s hand, fearing the blazing heat of her skin may scald her. Finn and Rae’s eyes lock again and suddenly leaving doesn’t seem so urgent.

It wasn’t so bad. Thankfully when the course said “for beginners” it was mostly truthful. Rae managed the mountain pose, the pigeon pose, and the tree pose with no problems. She was ace at the corpse pose, and it helped to be able to stare at the ceiling instead of examining the way Finn’s arms flexed and rolled with every movement, or how his back muscles showed through the soft white cotton of his tee, or how strong his thighs looked and what would they feel like pinning her down – CEILING Rae, keep your thoughts out of the gutter and on the ceiling! There were also a lot of deep breathing exercises where their eyes were shut, which were quite helpful to follow the positions where Rae had to look at the other people as examples, because watching Finn do a bridge or cat pose was just too suggestive for her apparently filthy mind.

At one point, Finn had instructed the class to “find your centre”. Rae assumed he meant balance but the only central thing she could focus on was the ache from between her legs. The worst of it was when they were attempting the Bharadvaja’s Twist. The pose itself was fine, (Rae surprised herself with how bendy she was) but Finn had been walking around the room, checking postures. She felt him pause as he stood behind her, before his whispered voice was in her ear.

“Alright if I just adjust your shoulders?”

Rae could feel his warm breath on her neck and she worried she would let out a moan rather than an answer should she open her mouth, so she only allowed her head to nod minutely. His hands felt heavy but gentle, and as he tilted her slightly so she wasn’t so sloped, she’s sure the movement caused her heart to shift as well.

“Good. That’s…you look good.”

His voice was husky and so, so close that she had to press her nails into her palms to stop from wondering how it would sound moving through the thick air under her duvet. Rae wasn’t sure if she imagined how he pressed into her skin a second longer than necessary, though she was certain that once he’d returned to his mat he hadn’t stopped to adjust anyone else. She looked over at Chloe who shot her a conspiratory smirk and raised brow, and Rae couldn’t help her own smile.

At the end of the session, nearly all the attendees rush to the table at the head of the room where Finn and another employee are taking registrations for the next set of classes.

“I liked this a lot, babes. Think you’d come again?” Chloe asks as she rolls up her mat.

“Er I don’t know. It was alright, I guess. Don’t think it calmed me much…” Rae tapers off, her eyes once again darting in Finn’s direction.

Chloe follows her eye line and smirks. “Right. Maybe another class then? Reckon this one had an unforeseen stress factor.”

Rae tries to keep her face plain, but Chloe pokes her shoulder with the end of her mat and they both start giggling.

“Ugh, they should put a bloody disclaimer on the class description! ‘Caution: Fit teacher. Attend at own risk to ovaries.’” Rae shakes her head with a wry laugh, picking up her bag to leave.

“Right well, hang on to your uterus then,” Chloe whispers back.

“What?”

Chloe lifts her brows and tilts her head, indicating Rae to look behind her. When she turns around, she sees Finn heading in their direction.

“Shit! What’s he coming over here for?! Chlo, whatever you do DO NOT leave me alone!” Rae grabs at Chloe’s arm pulling her right to her side.

“Relax, babe. I got your back.”

Finn’s gait slows as he approaches, eyes glued to the floor, bottom lip caught between his teeth. He looks hesitant, nervous even, and Rae thinks it strange that he’s displaying all of her own feelings. He finally looks up when he reaches them offering a small closed lip smile.

“Hiya.” Finn outstretches his hand towards Rae, but her brain is too occupied by how completely gorgeous he is up close, and how completely fucked she is to compute any motor skills. An awkward second passes, with his hand just hanging there until Chloe swoops  in and grabs it in an enthusiastic shake.

“Hey! I’m Chloe and this is Rae!” Chloe chirps brightly before releasing his grip, knocking Rae purposely with her elbow. When no one else speaks up she adds, “great class! Very…zen.”

“Thanks,” Finn huffs a breathy laugh before another silence causes his brows to meet. He clears his throat, eyes shifting to Rae who looks away from him immediately. He presses his tongue into the corner of his mouth, before glancing off to the side.

“Riiiiight. I think I’m just gonna go put my mat away. Let you two…chat. Or, not. Or…I’ll just be over there.”

“Chloe!” Rae hisses, adding a quiet “traitor” under her breath. She looks to Finn giving him a sheepish half smile, before she clears her throat. “Sorry about that.”

“S’alright.”

There’s another awkward pause before their eyes catch, both smiling shyly.

“So…was it good for you?” Finn’s brows are raised in question, and his hand has found his elbow again. “The class, I meant!” he adds hastily at Rae’s widened eyes.

“Oh! Er…yeah. It was better than I expected. Not that I expected it to be bad, or anything! You were dead good to watch. Not that I was watching you!! I mean well I was, since you’re the teacher and all. Which you’re great at, by the way. Suppose it was just easier than I thought? Or you made it look easy. To me.  A beginner. Didn’t know I could bend like that!”

Rae chuckles nervously before looking away to cringe at her waffling, fighting the urge to face palm.  She quickly scans the room for Chloe, or another excuse to scarper, or maybe a black hole to suck her right out of this universe; any means of escape, really. But when she glances back at Finn his whole face is crinkled with that goofy smile, his eyes dancing with…something she can’t quite name. He hasn’t said anything though, so Rae takes it as her chance to end the torture.

“Right well, I should go find Chloe. Thanks for…you know.” She gestures vaguely around the room before pivoting on her heel to walk away, shaking her head at her ineptitude. She makes it a whole two steps before she hears Finn behind her.

“Ilikeyourshirt!” he blurts, the words blending together from his rushed delivery.

Rae turns to find him one arm out stretched in the air as if it flew up along with his exclamation, his other hand rubbing the back of his neck, brows furrowed. He looks just as confused as she is, like he didn’t expect his body to eject those words, and now Rae has seen enough of his face to know for sure any and every expression this boy makes is completely adorable. Finn looks at her then, offers a sort of pained grimace with a simultaneous shrug (and, yup, still cute) before his eyes drop to her top. She looks down as well, remembering she had thrown on her Stone Roses tee.

(Chloe, who had been chatting up Finn’s friend, walks back into the room to rescue Rae. When she sees the pair still stood silent – both just staring at Rae’s chest – she quickly turns back round to wait in the hall.)

“Erm…thanks.”

Rae shifts uncomfortably, cursing her decision to wear a sports bra. This fit lad is basically staring at her chest while she was suffering from major uni-tit. Prays the inferno in her face will heat the rest of her and prevent her nips from being on display. Holy fuck, he’s watching the boob-tube! The realization of the situation hits her and she crosses her arms over her stomach; a well practised move for a chubby girl who often tries to swallow her own size. Doesn’t take in to account that now her forearms are acting as a tit shelf and she is basically presenting them to him.

The movement seems to snap Finn to attention and he coughs roughly, looking away finally. He’s embarrassed, if his flushed face and red-tipped ears are any indication and Rae thinks now would be the perfect time for that black hole.

“The Roses are mint. Don’t know a lot of girls that listen to them.” Finn’s still palming the back of his neck, eyes flicking between the toes of his trainers and Rae’s chest.

“No?” Rae lifts her brows in question, not sure if she should be flattered or offended.

“No. None actually. It’s…refreshing. I like it.” Finn chuckles bashfully, scratching at his bicep and nodding to himself as if he’s finally pleased with what’s he’s said.

“Yeah well, I don’t listen to that mainstream stuff,” Rae asserts.

“No Crap FM,” they both add in unison, their eyes snapping to look wide-eyed at the other. Their surprised expressions slide into baffled amusement and then they’re laughing, neither of them noticing that they’ve both taken a step closer.

“Er…will you be back next week? For the class?”

“Oh uh, I’m not sure. Maybe. You’ll be teaching?”

“Yeah. I’ll even wear my Stone Roses tee. We can match.”

“Actually I think I’ll be repping Oasis,” Rae teases, starting to walk backwards away from him.

Finn follows her, keeping the distance between them short, that lopsided smile sliding across his beautiful, beautiful face. “Oh, is that how it’s gonna be?”

Rae trips on an abandoned mat and stumbles backwards a bit but Finn reaches out, hands catching her at the waist. Instinctively her hands find his shoulders, before she corrects herself. She’s embarrassed; wants to cover up with a joke about how she should have “namaste-d in bed”, but her wit gets lost in how close Finn’s face is to hers. She’s too occupied wondering what constellations she could draw amongst those stupidly charming freckles to notice Finn’s eyes are focused on her lips.

“Yeah, that’s how it’s gonna be,” she finally replies quietly, more confident than she feels.

“Then I’m very much looking forward to next week,” Finn answers back, just as quiet.

Rae presses her lips together to stop from smiling too wide, or babbling on, or just snogging his face off, and takes a step back. When she turns to head towards the door, she hears Finn chuckle before humming the opening chords to She’s Electric.

Yeah, she’ll definitely be back.

Told you nothing happened.

Tag list:

@bitchesbecrazy89 @crystalgiddings1993 @emmatationsforall @eveerez @finn-nelson-for-the-win @fyeahsharonrooney @hey1tskat1e @i-dream-of-emus @isthistherightwayround @karinskyme @kingbeeyonce @kj0504 @kneekeyta @likeashootingstarfades @lilaviolet @l88cym @mallyallyandra @milllott @milymargot @mmfdfanfic @nutinanutshell @protectfinnnelson @raeonashadowcaster @rockinthebeastmode @stinemarine @tinakegg @vivammfd @2muchtosee2littletime

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OUAT Episode Analysis- Where Bluebirds Fly

Well, once again, I have to hand it to the writing staff.  For a Zelena Centric story, this was surprisingly tolerable.  Thought it did leave me with a few nagging questions. But I should be used to that by now.

We begin with Zelena, who’s off doing her own thing in her farmhouse home.  Out of nowhere, Black Fairy shows up unannounced and is all ‘hey, I’m holding the baby.  Wanna make something of it?”  Naturally, Zelena is not pleased by this, but Black Fairy doesn’t seem to care that she may have overstepped her boundaries.  Instead, she announces she wants Zelena’s help with something.  I’m not sure why the Big Bad ladies think this is a good approach to get Zelena to assist them.  Evil Queenie Poo did the same thing during the Patchwork arc.  Word to the wise, people.  If you want someone to help you with something, it might not be the best idea to enter into the baby’s room and proceed to hold the baby without permission.  Just a thought.

So Zelena tells Regina and the rest of the Nevengers what happened, but then announces she plans to deal with the Black Fairy herself.  She’s confident she’s more than a match for the Black Fairy, due to her being a magical protégé.  But Regina and the others all pretty much tell her that going after the Black Fairy by herself is a bad idea.  Unfortunately, Zelena decides she knows better and proceeds to go ahead with her plan. She ends up leaving Baby Robyn in Belle’s care, which is probably an odd choice, as Belle is completely non-magical and will therefore be powerless against Blacky should she come a-calling. But I suppose Zelena figured Belle was the best choice.  After all, the Nevengers had all been told what she’d wanted to do, and would undoubtedly get suspicious if she asked them to watch Baby Robyn.  However, this plan of having Belle watch the kid backfires, as Regina swings by Gold’s shop at some point and sees Baby Robyn is in Belle’s care.  As such, she figures out Zelena went ahead with her intention of facing the Black Fairy one-on-one and proceeds to head down to the Dwarf Mines to try and stop her.

When Regina catches up to Zelena, they get involved in a verbal spat, with Regina telling Zelna not to be so foolhardy about things and Zelena telling Regina she has no right to order her about.  One thing I particularly liked about this moment was Zelena yelling at Regina for blaming her for Robin Prime’s death, pointing out that she sacrificed the man she loved to save Regina and avenge Robin.  Zelena had a point there- Regina really was unfair to take Robin’s death out on her half-sister.  It’s about time someone called her out on that and reminded her of what Zelena gave up that night,

The quarrel is interrupted when Black Fairy and Gideon pop up, with the Black Fairy effortlessly shoving Regina aside with a magical blast.  While Gideon stands guard over Regina, Zelena, in full-on tunnel vision mode, proceeds to follow Black Fairy deeper into the mines.  Which was not her finest moment in the show as a five-year-old could tell the Black Fairy was leading her into a trap. Which is exactly what it was.  The Black Fairy leads Zelena into an area of the mine that is filled with Fairy Dust Crystals.  And, when Zelena tries to blast her with magic, the Black Fairy reveals that while Zelena certainly is stronger than Regina in terms of magic, it’s still no match for her own magic.  Because Zelena’s powers are strong but unrefined and sporadic.  After pointing that out, the Black Fairy redirects Zelena’s magic into the Fairy Dust Crystals, which causes them to become corrupted.  And that’s what Black Fairy wanted all along, as corrupted Fairy Dust Crystals are exactly what she plans to use against Emma in the approaching battle.  Satisfied that Zelena played right into her hands, Black Fairy teleports off, with Gideon at her side.

After those two leave, Regina proceeds to lay into Zelena, scolding her for creating this new mess.  And then refuses to allow Zelena to try and correct it, being all ‘you’ve done enough damage.’ To be fair, I totally get where Regina’s coming from, but even so, she could have been nicer about it.  After all, I can name quite a few times when Regina’s actions made a situation worse.  Such as the time she didn’t bother to warn the Nevengers that Gold was dying in the Author arc, which ultimately resulted in things escalating to the point when Emma was forced to absorb the Dark One’s essence in order to save the whole town. So Regina’s in no position to act all superior to Zelena here.  At least Zelena seems to want to take responsibility for her mistake.  Anyway, Regina tells Zelena that she should just leave well enough alone and go back to Oz, as she’s only going to be more of a nuisance if she stays.  Zelena, thought upset by this, initially decides to go along with it, and conjures up a cyclone to bring her and Baby Robyn back to Oz with what I think was the wand shard Tiger Lily gave to Killian to bring to Emma.  Which is rather strange, because….doesn’t Emma need that wand shard?  But maybe it was a different magical object.  It was hard to make out what that object was.  I suppose it could have been one of the corrupted Fairy Dust Crystals. But how would that have conjured up a cyclone.  (Speaking of which, what happened to the Sorcerer’s Wand?  Is it still around?  I can’t keep up sometimes.)

However, before Zelena can go through with it, she remembers something that happened in her past.  When she was still a little girl, (I’m guessing shortly after the events of the ‘Sisters’ flashback), she encountered a boy sitting on the side of the Yellow Brick Road.  The boy, whose name is Stanum, is upset because he found a fallen bird’s nest with a broken egg inside.  Young Zelena proceeds to repair the broken egg with her magic before returning the nest to the tree.  The act of kindness impresses Stanum, unlike a group of bully children who admit to have purposely knocked the nest out of the tree. Because they proceed to call Young Zelnea a freak and whatnot.  Thing is, I have no idea why everyone seems to hate Young Zelena just because she can use magic.  The fact that Glinda and the other two witches exist in this world suggest that magic isn’t a foreign thing in Oz.  So why does everyone in Oz, with the exception of Stanum, hate Zelena simply for being a magical protégé.  I don’t get it.

Confusing motivations aside, the flashback then cuts to years later.  It’s apparently sometime after the events of the ‘Kansas’ flashback now, as Zelena has taken over Oz.  One day, a man requests an audience with Zelena. When she allows him to enter her throne room, the man reveals himself as Stanum, now all grown-up.  He tells Zelena that he is in need of help, as the unnamed Witch of the North has, for some reason, placed a spell on him.  (And for the record, I checked my notes on the matter.  This isn’t Glinda he’s talking about here.  Glinda was the Witch of the South.  Besides, she’s probably trapped in her pocket dimension at this point.) Because of this curse, Stanum is slowly turning into tin.  Which I guess means he’s the iconic Tinman.  The only hope of reversing the curse is Magical Artifact #928, the Crimson Heart. Stanum, who hasn’t forgotten Young Zelena’s act of kindness with that bird’s nest, feels that she’s just the person to help him find it.  At first, Zelena is not interested, but Stanum quickly convinces her to help him.

So they head off to find the Crimson Heart.  Along the way, Zelena tells her childhood friend about how she plans to cast a Time Travel spell to change the past and make it so Cora would keep her.  Stanum, being a wise sort, points out how foolish this is, asking why Zelena would even want to seek out someone who didn’t even want her to begin with.  Before Zelena could properly reflect on that, they’re interrupted by the appearance of…a lion.

Okay, if you had been in the room with me at this point, you would have witnessed me whooping and hollering. Those of you who follow my blog would have seen I made posts about the topic of animal characters 2-3 weeks ago. I was seriously asking why we couldn’t see iconic animal characters such as Archimedes the Owl and Rajah the Tiger, or even the Cowardly Lion.  Especially since they were able to give us Sven the reindeer.  So when I saw the lion appearing in the episode, I was floored. If it weren’t for the fact that they filmed this episode well over a month ago, I would think someone in the production department was actually following my blog and reading the stuff I post there.

Getting back to the episode, Zelena eventually wards away the Lion by hitting him with magical blasts.  The attacks seem to make him loose his nerve, with the lion becoming timid and cowardly.  With the obstacle of the newly dubbed Cowardly Lion out of the way, Zelena and Stanum continue on their way.  They eventually find the Crimson Heart, but when Zelena picks it up, she discovers it will only work the way it’s supposed to if it absorbs all of her magical powers.  In other words, Zelena would have to sacrifice her magic to save her friend. The moment she realizes this, Zelena instantly assumes the worst, believing Stanum was trying to trick her on purpose and accusing him of hating her magic just like everyone else.  Despite Standum’s claims that he had no prior knowledge of the price of the Crimson Heart’s power, and his insistence that it wasn’t her magic that made his childhood friend special, Zelena ultimately decides to leave Stanum to his fate, taking the Crimson Heart with her.

Returning to the present, Zelena decides that, instead of returning to Oz, which really doesn’t offer her anything anymore since she’s sure Stanum hates her now, she’ll simply summon the Crimson Heart to her.  Her theory is that, even though her magic is inside the Corrupted Fairy Dust Crystals, it’s still tied to her.  So if she transfers her magical power into the Crimson Heart, the Corrupted Fairy Dust Crystals should also lose their magical charge.  Her plan ultimately works, and the Corrupted Fairy Dust Crystals are restored to their original state.  Grateful for her half-sister’s sacrifice, Regina thanks her, and reassures her that she has proven herself stronger after all, even without her magic.

So now, it looks like Zelena no longer has her magic.  Which is a bummer.  But given the situation, I agree she did the right thing.  And it was rather noble of her to give up something that was important to her.  Although, it does make me wonder about Regina.  We’re supposed to see her as fully redeemed now.  But what has she given up?  While Zelena has given up her magic, and Killian has shown a willingness to surrender his beloved ship (twice), has Regina given up anything?  She still is mayor of Storybrooke, she still has her magic and even has a relationship with Henry.  She hasn’t even given up her collection of stolen hearts.  Yes, she no longer has Robin in her life, but let’s be honest here. That wasn’t exactly a sacrifice she was willing to make.  So….is Regina going to willingly give something up in the remaining 3 episodes?

I’m also wondering what happened to Stanum.  Considering he’s obviously the Tinman, I’m guessing we’re supposed to conclude Dorothy or someone found a way to at least give him his mobility back.  Since Zelena no longer has her powers, it’s not going to be easy for her to get to Oz and give the Crimson Heart to her old friend. (Unless Anton is willing to loan her some magic beans.  Charming mentioned magic beans in passing, so I’m guessing that means the bean field is flourishing again.)  I wonder if we’re going to get answers to these questions.  Or are they just going to sweep it aside like they did with the whole Lancelot and Guinevere subplot?

In the final moments, Emma, Regina and Zelena pay a visit to Gold’s shop.  There was a subplot earlier with Gold trying to find a way to resurrect Shady Blue, in the hopes that she could tell them where the other half of the wand Emma needs to defeat the Black Fairy might me.  But Gold, despite his extensive magical Dark One knowledge, can’t find a solution to the problem.  When Emma, Regina and Zelena show up, however, he does something that actually surprised me.  He actually swallowed his pride enough to accept their help.  I can’t quite remember- when was the last time we saw Gold admitting he needed help from the Nevengers?  Normally, he goes around acting like he knows better than anyone else and is therefore too good to ask for help from Team Hero.  The next step, of course, would be for Gold to tell Emma and the others that Gideon is being Heart Controlled.  He already told Belle, of course.  But if they’re really going to be uniting under a common enemy, he needs to share everything he knows with the Nevengers.  Regardless, Emma uses one of the restored Fairy Dust Crystals to restart Shady Blue’s heart, which means they’re one step closer to reviving her. Which, according to Black Fairy, is bad news for her.  Turns out she didn’t just want the Blue Fairy out of the way to keep the Nevengers from finding the other half of the wand.   Blue also knows Blacky’s darkest secret.  Which apparently has something to do with why she walked out on Baby Rumple and Malcolm all those years ago.  This should be interesting.

I also really felt for Belle in this episode.  Watching Baby Robyn made her think about how much she missed out on with Gideon.  (Though I notice no one is really acknowledging how Snow and Charming both know the feeling.  They also missed out on their daughter’s childhood.  I’m just saying now would be the perfect time for Rumple AND Regina to realize how much they took from the Charmings and Emma.) All in all, this episode makes me hope even more that they can de-age Gideon when this is all over.  Belle deserves the chance to raise her baby normally.  Contrary to what she might have said before, she really didn’t know what she was signing up for when she aligned herself with Rumple.  And Gideon certainly needs to be saved from the curse of being born a Stiltskin.

We also get a nice scene with Henry and Grandpa Charming, with Henry admitting he tried to use his Author Powers to alter the outcome of the approaching Final Battle into Emma’s favor, but to no avail.  Charming convinces him to not worry about what’s coming and just take things one day at a time.  However, there was this one moment when Charming seems to study the strange symbols Henry drew in his trance.  While I could be wrong, it almost looked as if Charming recognized at least one of the symbols.  But it wasn’t very clear, so I might have misinterpreted that look.

So, you’ve probably noticed I’m been…neglecting talking about one particular subplot in this episode.  I actually wasn’t avoiding it.  I just wanted to get everything else out before I got to this part.  Now that I’ve done that, I can discuss the part of the episode that’s still causing my dash to explode.

It stars with Emma in her kitchen, making pancakes.  Whether or not she’s using her father’s recipe is not important.  Especially when Killian comes up behind her, with them proceeding to be all lovingly domestic.  However, the thing that seems to be getting the most attention is that Emma seems to be dressed in only a bathrobe, with her hair looking like she just rolled out of bed and immediately went downstairs to cook breakfast.  And Killian is actually not wearing his jacket, which is a rare occurrence in itself.  Even his vest is unbuttoned.  But that’s nothing compared to their body language.  While it’s not outright stated, everything about this moment screams ‘morning after scene.’  I know it might seem strange that people are so focused on whether or not Emma and Killian have made love, it really has been left ambiguous.  Which is strange, as they’ve made it very clear that the other main couples have been physically intimate.  Such as the infamous Taco Time with Snow and Charming at the start of 2B. Same with Outlaw Queen, who obviously slept together during the Frozen arc.  We’ve even got some obvious Rumbelle morning after scenes. But with Captain Swan, it’s always been a guessing game.  While there are moments that seem to suggest something might have happened, (I myself do wonder what happened after the cutaway for the Middlemist Kiss) this episode is just dripping with undertones.

Rambling aside, it’s clear that they’re gearing up for another round when Snow suddenly barges in unannounced. Mother-in-law-to-be didn’t even bother knocking.  I get she was excited and all, but she was well aware that Emma and Killian are newly engaged.  And that this was their shared home.  You’d think the woman who grew up as a royal would have a better sense of decorum.

Anyway, with the mood being effectively killed, and Killian not even bothering hiding the fact that he’s going off to ‘calm himself down,’ Snow proceeds to show Emma a scrapbook she’s been preparing for quite some time.  Probably from shortly after the first curse broke.  The scrapbook is filled with ideas for wedding dresses and the like.  The rest of the episode has Snow dragging her family around town, presenting ideas for the wedding ceremony.  Though I do question her venue choices.  I mean, her first idea was to have the wedding at Granny’s, stating that they had a lot of happy memories there.  Which is fine, but even though Storybrooke is a small town, having a wedding at the town diner seems a bit lazy.  And I’m someone who would prefer a small, no-fuss wedding, with a casual reception in someone’s backyard.  So I was with Charming when he rejected the notion of holding the ceremony at Granny’s. Though I did wrinkle my nose a bit when he chose to bring up the whole debacle with Whale when discussing the bad memories associated with the place.  I’m sorry, but that joke isn’t remotely funny, and I don’t see when it ever will be. But I’m not going to go off on a tangent on that matter, as I’ve already discussed that can of worms in previous posts.  Even so, if Charming really wanted to select a bad memory associated with Granny’s, why not point out how Emma and Killian might not want to exchange their wedding vows over the spot where Kilian was once bleeding to death from his Excalibur wound?  Because I doubt either of them like reminders of that particular chapter of their lives.

Anyway, Snow’s next suggestion is to have the wedding at town hall, which is certainly a bigger locale.  But Charming turns his nose up at that idea, too. When Snow drags Charming outside to ask him what his problem is, it eventually comes out that he hasn’t forgotten their own wedding day, which, instead of being one of the happiest moments of his life, also became one of the worst.  Because that was the day EQ Regina gatecrashed the wedding and announced her plans to cast the Dark Curse.  Charming explains that he doesn’t want Emma to have a memory like that and wants her wedding day to be an uninterrupted happy day.  One that doesn’t have a dark cloud hanging over it.  And because of the threat of the Black Fairy and Gideon, it won’t be possible for Emma and Killian’s wedding day to be the joyous celebration it should be.  Snow’s counter argument to Charming’s viewpoint is to point out how Emma might not survive the final battle with the Black Fairy.  And if she doesn’t, wouldn’t it be better for her to have officially married Killian before the end?  I admit, they both have pretty good points.  But Emma, who had overheard the argument alongside Henry and Killian, ends up agreeing with Charming.  She points out that she and Killian both love each other, and therefore they’re willing to wait until it’s the right time to get married, and that they shouldn’t let fear of the future determine the date.  As such, they agree to postpone the wedding until they’re sure the Black Fairy is no longer a threat.  Which is a wise decision, but seeing as how the wedding will occur the episode after next, I’m now wondering what changes things.

(Click here to read more Episode Analyses)

[winter-dabbles]

Come Back To Me (Reader x Bucky Barnes)

Summary: After years away from the Avengers, Bucky finds himself yearning to be back in the field. However he has much more to lose than he did years ago.

A/N: This is my first time writing anything angsty(?) and I’m not too sure about my ability to convey such emotions. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy!

He sat out at the driveway with his head in his hands. His fingers gripped his hair angrily before releasing and gripping the steering wheel. He didn’t know whether he should stay hidden in the car or risk going into the house and have another fight.

He was exhausted; from work, from his failing marriage.

He had perfect view into the kitchen. You were doing dishes; he had come home too late to enjoy a family dinner. He didn't know whether to feel guilty or relieved. It must had been a mixture of both.

Everyday seems like an intricate dance of avoiding the inevitable talk, desperately holding on the crumbling foundation of your love. But even the most solid foundations crumble and it was becoming more and more difficult to put on a happy face in the morning.

The bed had become a cold piece of furniture that once was the home of love and passion. The living room transformed from a place of warmth to a constant void.

Even now, the car felt like a lost cause. There was no way to return to the way it was. The damage was done.

There were no warning signs down the destructive path they were headed. It was a series of twists and turns; everything seemed fine until it wasn’t.

And that was probably the worst part.

It was slow; it crept into your lives like a parasite. It sucked all the love and happiness. The true victims were the kids; they didn’t deserve this. Two adults should be able to hash out any disagreements without having to include their children. It was still a difficult task.

Who was to blame?

You both were equally innocent and guilty. The only thing the two of you were guilty of was not putting forth the effort to confront the problem.  

Bucky had retired from the Avengers since your eldest child was born. That was now nine years ago. Bucky was constantly reminding himself that being with his family was enough for him, that the rush felt during a mission was nothing compared to what he felt when he embraced his children. Yet he still found himself reminiscing and asking Steve over lunch about his latest adventures with pangs of envy in his heart.

This was probably why he was eager to join Steve when asked to help on one of the most dangers missions.

The children had just been put to bed when Bucky decided to enter the house.

“Did you tell him today?” You asked as you sat across from him at the kitchen table. The distance between you being physical and metaphorical.

“Yes.”

You hold back a scoff and lean away from the kitchen table.

“I have a duty, Y/N.” His voice was hard and strong, but his head hung like a lost man.

“Sure.”

“I can’t just say no to Steve! He’s my best friend!”

“Yeah, he’s your best friend. And as your best friend he should understand that you have a lot more to lose than he does. We have a family, James. The children are still so young. I understand that it’s Steve, but does he understand that it’s not just you anymore?” You chew your lip and wring your hands as you look behind you towards the stairs leading to the children’s bedrooms.

“He has sacrificed so much for me in the past. I owe him this.” This almost makes you falter your stance. Of course everyone remembered the fiasco that happened during the Sokovia Accords and the lengths Steve went to protect Bucky, but that was years ago. You thought it unfair that Bucky had to sacrifice more now than Steve did all those years ago.

“There are thousands willing to be at Captain America’s side! Why does it have to be you?”

Bucky slammed his fist down onto the table and the glassware chatters. You don’t flinch.  “It’s done. I’m through talking about it.”

“This is a marriage, James! There is compromise and sacrifice!”

“What do you want to hear, Y/N?!” Bucky shouts at you, nostrils flaring and eyes cold as steel. He instantly realizes his mistake drops his head into his hands. You hold your breath and wait to hear if the kids woke up. You don’t hear the familiar sounds of their door opening and you take a deep breath.

You look at your husband. His hair had grown out back to it’s length when you first met and his stubble was growing from not shaving this morning. Your heart ached to know that there was something he was hiding. He was always an open book to you.  “There’s something you're not telling me, James. And if you don’t tell me, I’ll just assume the worse.”

His broad shoulders went slack and his hands move from his face through his hair. His blue eyes betrayed his fatigue as they bore into you. “And what’s the worse?”

“That you asked Steve to include you on this mission.”

His eyes never left yours and as the time dragged on you got your answer. Your eyes sting with tears and you tear your gaze away from him. You smooth out the material of your pants before standing up and walking back into the kitchen.

“You have to understand-“

“That you’re abandoning your family.” You snap back. A sour taste built up in your mouth and the sound of his voice infuriated you.

“I just can’t live like this. Just this routine.” He gestured to the open house in a manner that resembled disgust. The look of discontent disappeared from his face when he looked at you.

“How can you be so selfish? You want a change in routine? Switch schedules with me! Don’t go out and deliberately put yourself in danger!”  

“I’m drowning here, Y/N! I’m just asking to do one more mission. See if it’s still something for me because a desk job just isn’t for me.”

You sweep your hands down your face in exasperation. “You’ve made your decision, James. I’m tired; it’s been a long day. Dinner’s in the fridge. We’ll finish this tomorrow.” You turn on your heel and make your way upstairs, but before you make it to the first step Bucky calls out to you.

You pause and listen to him run to the stairs. “We’re leaving in the morning.” He breathes out.

You sigh, “What time?”

“I need to be at the compound at 8.”

You nod your head and tears begin pooling your eyes. “It gives you some time to say goodbye to the kids in the morning. You’ll tell them in the morning.” You say your words carefully so you won’t betray your emotions. You were still upset at him leaving, but to also hear he has to leave first thing in the morning was even more devastating.

As you exit your bathroom and into the bedroom, pictures of you and Bucky stand out to you more than usual. Like the framed photo from your wedding. You stare and marvel at how young and happy the two of you were; Bucky had just retired from the team in this photo. It was evident at the way the tux fit over his muscles. Then the photo taken two Christmases ago of the family. You were carrying your youngest and your oldest held onto Bucky’s leg as you stood in front of a large, decorated Christmas tree.

You shook your head and slipped under the covers. Bucky walked into the bedroom and wordlessly went into the bathroom.

Bucky climbed into bed with you and shut off the lamp on the bedside table.

No words were said; there wasn’t anything left to say.

You lied prone side by side, not touching in silence. You could hear Bucky’s breathing slow and deepen as the time passed. You willed yourself to match your breathing with Bucky’s, but sleep wouldn’t claim you.

Your mind drifted to Bucky’s departure in the morning and the thought of him in the line of danger again made your emotions rise once more. With a quivering lip, you blindly felt for Bucky’s hand that was limp between your two bodies. You gripped his warm hand and allowed your tears to fall, finding comfort in the darkness of the room.

You let out a sob when Bucky squeezed your hand back.

“Doll, I’m so sorry.” He whispered in the darkness. You knew he must have been crying as well at the hoarseness of his voice.

You let out a soft whimper, “I just want you to come back to me because I don’t want to live without you.”

Bucky moves to your side to the bed and pulls you to his chest. The two of you hold each other finding comfort in each other’s warmth and scent. The darkness was filled with gentle promises and more understanding than your marriage had ever seen.

Despite all your deepest prayers, the sun rose within hours and Bucky ultimately had to leave.

The hardest part was probably keeping a strong stature while he explained to your kids, Dimitri and Daniela, that Daddy had to leave for a few weeks. While being the oldest, Dimitri understood and embraced his father. Daniela wouldn’t accept it and begged him to stay.

You interjected since Daniela wasn’t taking his answers. “Daniela, baby, Daddy has to go. He has to protect us; he’s going to save the world, baby.” You squat to eye level and grip her shoulders affectionately.

Her blue eyes were rimmed red and her bottom lip jutted out as she nodded gently. “But you’ll come home?”

You leaned back on your heels and let out a strangled sigh. You looked at Bucky and his eyes mirrored that of Daniela.

“Of course, baby.” Bucky managed out and held his arms open for Daniela. She flung herself into his arms and her legs dangled as Bucky stood with one hand cradling her head and another around her waist. Dimitri found it opportune to wrap his arms around Bucky’s waist and hiding his face into Bucky’s side.

You stare at your family and your heart swells in pain. Your eyes dart to the clock on the wall and you knew it was time for him to go. You lock eyes with Bucky and give him a knowing look before standing.

“Baby, he’s gotta go now.” You whisper as you rub Daniela’s back and Dimitri’s head. You grab Daniela away and she immediately latches herself to your side and Dimitri wraps his arms around your waist.

Bucky does his best to put a smile on his face as he places kisses on the kids’ heads and ruffles Dimitri’s hair. He looks to you and takes in a shaky breath. “I’m coming back, Doll.”

It was your turn to give him a sad smile, “You don’t have a choice.”

He cups your cheek and kisses you. You touch foreheads for a moment before you nod and tell him to get going.

He picks up his duffel bag and tosses it over his back as he walks out the door. He turns one last time before getting into the car.

“Wave to Daddy!” You say and both the kids scream out goodbyes.

You give him a final smile which he returns.  His smile drops before mouthing ‘I love you’.

You blew him a kiss, something that was a ritual done during your avenging days. But those days you had confidence, youthful ignorance. Today you had bitter reality that there was a chance Bucky wouldn’t make it home.

[teddyylou]

SMS Pt 4/15

Troye’s Story:

STARTS: 9.48

I cannot believe they are making me do this!

I didn’t do anything wrong and I shouldn’t have to do this!

I call it an outrage and am putting my foot down!

Well not literally as I would be stepping right into a bucket of dirty water.

I move my foot slightly to the left and avoid the bucket on the floor as I step over to the kitchen, while I mutter all of those things over and over under my breath grumpily. I sigh as I place all of the dropped forks and utensils that I had collected from the cafeteria floor onto the bench in the kitchen.

The thing is; I don’t even mind cleaning, I have never been a messy person. The reason for my outrage is that I have to serve my unfair, torture of a punishment with no other than Tyler Oakley.

I would rather be buried alive at this point then finish the rest of this period scraping gum and cleaning up other people's trash with him.

It wasn’t uncommon for Tyler and I to fight; it happened at least once a week. But we usually served our detention separately and it was done with.

I’m not sure what Principal Green had up his ass when he told us that we would have to clean the cafeteria together today. This couldn’t end well.

And I don’t see why I’m the one with most of the blame for this particular instance. I mean, Tyler started it when I supposedly stepped in his bubble, and it’s also not my fault that I was feeling particularly sassy that day. I’m sassy every day!

As I should, I put Tyler in his place and look where it got me.

“Oi! Quit your grumbling or you can scrape the gum off of under the tables next week too!” snapped the lunch lady from inside the kitchen.

She was a nice lady don’t get me wrong, but I think she was abusing her power slightly with this detention.

As she flipped over a page in her book she propped her feet up on a bench near us and I went back to my fork sorting; imagining all of the ways I could stick them into the other two people in the room.

*BANG! Crackle BANG! AHHHHHHG!!! BA- crackle*

I dropped a fork onto the ground, ignoring the loud noise it made as the sound of it clattering on the polished floor echoed through the small kitchen.

That didn’t sound right.

“Geez-o-Pete's! What was that?” Squeaked Tyler as he stood from his spot on the floor that he was scrubbing.

I wanted to laugh at how dumb he sounded, or at how the water on the floor had left wet patches on the knees of his beige trousers. But something had caught all of the words in my throat and I shifted my eyes worryingly from the loudspeaker to the lunch lady.

9:49 AM

“Quick boys into the kitchen, Troye, go lock the door on the other side. Oh and pull both shutters.” She instructed instantaneously.

Tyler isn’t hesitant to run from his spot near the dirty water bucket into the kitchen with me, fear spread right across his face. You could see his mind buzzing through his eyes, aware of everything around him.

He slams the door he entered through and slides to the floor against it, holding it shut. But I had yet to move. The only expression on my face was confusion.

“What are you doing?” I asked the lunch lady over the counter.

“I’ll stay out here and lock everything. You boys need to be safe.” She said as she began shutting and locking things so quickly that it seemed as though she had done this every week.

“Wait, can’t you come in here too? No one will even see us, we will be fine.” I try to argue.

“Just do it, Troye.” She says as she is already half way across the large, high-ceilinged room, bumping chairs as she makes her way to the large doors that lead to the courtyard.

I go to lock the far door of the kitchen quickly before pulling the first shutter down to the counter and locking it, but I stop before I shut the second one, just as she is returning from her task.

“Come on miss. Come in here. Quickly. We need to hide from whatever is happening and call someone.” I plead.

“Do as I say Troye! What is important right now is you boys’ safety.” She demands.

We don’t know what is going on, but I have gathered a pretty good idea. And if they were to find us we would all be dead. I can’t let her stay out there.

“Yeah Come on Troye, stop being such a little bitch.” Tyler piped up from the floor.

I slam the shutter shut, so forcefully that it bounced back up a little. I whipped around to Tyler’s direction, fuming.

“Oh, I’m sorry that I care about someone other than myself Tyler!” I yelled clenching my fists.

“For fuck’s sake Troye! Now? Really? Sort your priorities and get on the floor. Shit is going down right near us and I don’t plan on dying before graduation.” he hisses, trying to stop me from yelling.

The lunch lady says something and both of our eyes flick over to her momentarily before returning to our death stare match.

“Oh good for you, you get to go to a crappy state school next year.” I snap sarcastically, “what about all the other students who probably have bright futures who are being gunned down right now? Huh! I just want to let the lunch lady in to hide with us! How self-centered can you get?” I yell whisper.

“Oh don’t you talk to me about self-cent-“

Loud echoes of gunfire that appear to be coming from just down the hall cut off Tyler.

I wanted to yell ‘What the fuck was that?’ Hoping I’d get an answer but I was in just as much shock as Tyler was and I knew that wouldn’t’ be the case.

We stare wide-eyed at each other before I squat down instantly, I was too nervous to sit down completely.

Tyler pulls his face from his knees and opens his mouth to speak. I fall from my squat, my butt hitting the ground as a voice whisper-shouts from behind me instead.

“Will you stop fighting for one second? Shut up if you want to live!” The lunch lady’s face backs away from the gap between the metal shutter and the light blue counter top.

9:50 AM

In this moment everything becomes very real for me. My ego is halved in size and my sass levels are at an all-time low. I’m not even me anymore.

Shit is happening. No, not even swearing seems right. My vocabulary would usually shock most sailors but right now, the situation seems more serious than how I described it.

People could have died just then, and I am not contributing in the slightest. I was fighting, with someone I used to call best friend.

The worst part is the bluntness in the lunch ladies tone.

‘If you want to live.’ her voice echoed in my head.

Then I realise that I could potentially never go home again, never see my family. I never even learnt what the lunch lady’s name was. How could I get through four years here and never bother to ask? I knew everyone, being the social butterfly I am; yet I never once stopped to read her tag.

I look over at Tyler and once he notices me staring he tries to hide his face. At first, I assumed he was still pissed at me. But he is Tyler Oakley, where was the death glare? Maybe it isn’t the time but I feel there is something else going on with him.

It wasn’t until I noticed his rapid blinking and then him proceeding to take off his glasses and wipe them off with the hem of his navy jumper that was covering our school’s light blue button down.

Tyler was crying.

“Hey? Hey.” I pushed my body off the ground with my hands and slid over slightly towards him. “Are you okay?” I asked, instantly putting my grudge behind me, only for a second.

I went to place my hand on his knee but he pulled it away from me; puffing out his chest and looking up, riding his face of any more tears that were threatening to spill.

“No your not,” I answer for him quietly, “ frankly I would be concerned if you were,” I say to him.

After receiving no reply I tried to coax him a little more.

“Come on Ty. Tell me what’s upsetting you.”

“Why? So you can laugh at me about it later!” He snapped. “And don’t call me that. You are not allowed to call me that.” He added.

I sighed, backing away from him a bit. I moved away from the bench and sat crossed legged in front of him.

“No dummy. I can help. I promise.” I added the last part after seeing his sceptical look that he had shot me over his glasses that he had placed back on his face.

It seemed to work as he leant his head back on the locked door and thought for a moment, dragging out a long breath.

“Fine. I’ll tell you.” I made sure I gave him my full attention before he continued. Sitting up and eyes focused on him intensely so that he knew.

He smiled. “It’s so silly, but what if we don’t make it out? What will become of us? I mean you are a really good singer and you will go far in your life, but what about me? I love entertaining people but I could never make it into a career, like, come on.” He chuckled slightly.

“No, Tyler. You are actually really funny. You will go home after this and you will make it just fine.” I reassured him.

“No, but if we die here today, nothing becomes of any of us, we are gone. People will miss us but for how long? Neither of us got to make our mark in the world. Doesn’t that scare you? We could die insignificantly here today and never get to do all of the things we want to.”

I thought for a second. In a flash of spontaneity, I quickly said,

“Then let’s do it! WE’ll do all of the ones we can right now.”

“Are you crazy? How?” Tyler smiled.

“List ones that are possible in this room and we will do them,” I whispered.

“Fine.” He sighed happily. Then added in a mock-serious tone, “but if you tell anyone I’ll rip your balls off Troye Sivan.” he smirked, mock threatening.

I rolled my eyes. “Go, go, go.” I hurried him.

“Well first thing's first, I’m sorry. For everything; the fights and stupid arguments. Heck, I don’t even remember what it was about. There, one down. How about…  Friends?” he asks me putting his hand out. I look at it before shaking it gratefully.

“Now your turn.” He says.

“Umm. Ok, here is one.” I said. “I know of a lot of people, but don’t really know them. Today I realised that I didn’t even know the lunch lady’s name. Can you tell me?”

“Ok sure. It Do-“

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Tyler is cut off again as the gunshots start again. But this time they don’t stop. I jump over to sit next to Tyler and we sit and listen together for what seems like a whole minute non-stop. Screaming and cries echo through the school. We shut our eyes and Tyler grabs onto me. It doesn’t faze me as I hug in even closer to him until the raid stops.

9:51 AM

After I am sure there is no more sound I awkwardly let go of my grip on Tyler’s arm. I stand up and help him up after me. Slowly he clicks the lock on the door that he was sitting against and steps outside of it, letting go of my wrist as soon as he knew I was following him.

We turn to see the lunch lady standing in the middle of the space between the tables and the door, blankly looking at the closed internal door to the main hallway.

Why on earth was she just standing there? Had she been there the whole time that Tyler and I were in the kitchen?

I sent a puzzled look his way and he returned it before taking a step forward to her, stopping when she spoke.

“Do you think they are gone?” She said softly, barely a whisper.

“I-I don’t know. But I think it would be best to stay here until we find out don’t you think?” I replied.

I took a step to be right behind Tyler, just waiting for what she was going to do next. She was acting really weirdly.

“You boys go back to your spot, I’ll go check.”

“No!” Tyler squeaked before snapping his hand over his mouth.

“Oh it’s okay, I’ll only be a sec.” She said, rather ghostly.

“No, I don’t think you should do that. Someone with a gun could be anywhere.” I said to her, although I wasn’t sure if she was listening.

“I agree.” Said Tyler shyly.

She finally turned to us with a soft grin on her face, making her cheeks go pink.

“It’s good to see you boys finally getting along.” Is all she said before continuing the rest of the way to the door, clicking it open slowly.

We were both frozen in our spot as she opened it. What was she doing?

“Wait!” I yelled before charging forward, only to trip on the dirty blonde haired boy in front of me, which sent us both tumbling to the ground.

We scrambled to our knees as fast as we could, fumbling over each other in our process. We stopped just in time to see what was happening.

The lunch lady was in the hallway now, facing away from us, looking at someone else I think, on the floor, maybe a student.

She then turned to the direction of the main hallway and the pink colour in her face was now ghostly white, as she looked down to her chest where a growing red patch was forming.

Tyler went to yell but I slapped my hand over his mouth before he could and the door that separated us from her slammed shut once more before her body had hit the ground.

9:52 AM

We sat there for so long with our mouths hung open. She was… Dead. She was shot right in front of us.

And what were we doing? Just waiting for her murderer to reach us? However, neither of us moved.

Tyler looked at the floor. “Dorothy. Her, her name was Dorothy.” He said, his voice cracking as he did so.

We kind of just sat there for a little longer, mourning Dorothy. If things seemed real before, you would think that this would double that feeling now.

But seeing someone that had served you lunch every day for four years die right in front of you was almost like a dream. A nightmare, one where you didn’t know if you were even asleep so you couldn’t wake up.

‘Ding, Ding.’

I was distracted by my phone and absentmindedly reached for it, fishing it from my pocket.

It was a text message.

Connor: Hey, do u no what happened. I am so worried, Zoë and Tanya left before lockdown but they aren’t back yet. But we r doing a run or die. I no u r in the Cafeteria. We have more chance in a large number. U in?

“Who are you texting?”

“Oh, Connor. His class is planning a run or die and we can join if we want. He says it’s easier in a large-“

“Oh.” Tyler stopped me. He stood from his spot and took a seat on top of the nearest table.

“What is your problem with Connor anyway? You have been jealous of him ever since you and I were still friends.” I asked annoyed.

“It’s not my fault you were always texting him and never spending any time with your so-called best friend.” He snapped obviously really hurt.

“Tyler you are being ridiculous.” I rolled my eyes.

“Oh, I’m being ridiculous? Fine, you go run and die with your boyfriend. I don’t want anything to do with it.”

“You can’t be serious? Tyler! Nothing has ever, or will ever happen between me and Connor.”

“Sure.”

“Clearly you never noticed but it was never him. It was you. It was always you that I wanted to hang out with.”

I said calming down. Embarrassed to finally admit that.

“Really?” He said apologetically. His face softening immensely.

“Really.” Then I grew slightly angrier as tears welled in my eyes. It was his fault. “And we could have been fine. I would have told you if you just asked. But no, you had to go and ruin it. All of it!”

Tyler didn’t reply.

“Come on,” I whispered, holding out my hand. “Let's get out of here.” I smiled through my tears as Tyler laced his fingers in mine.

9:53 AM

We kneel by the door together and open it a jar. It has been almost silent since Dorothy was killed. A few random fires here and there. It scared me that I had grown accustomed to them.

I see a trail of blood slowly grow across the floor in front of us and we both know whose it is. I am so glad that the door is blocking us from seeing. the body.

Connor: Ready?

Troye: Yea, we r ready.

I text back and then look at Tyler.

“Stay with me and we will be safe. We will join the group, cut to the middle of them and run straight out of the main doors. Ok.”

Tyler nodded and squeezed my hand.

Connor: Ready.

            Good luck guys, see you outside.

            3

            2

            1

The door from the classroom down from us slammed open and it is like the start of a race.

In a rush of adrenaline and screams, we were off. It was all a blur as we run to meet the other students. There were screams, but only of excitement. I had Tyler’s hand and we were running as fast as we could.

We had made it to the middle of the group and students were half way down the hall already. But then a bullet hit the roof and the screams turned into cries.

No one stopped running but it was more frantic.  We were being shoved and pushed. People were tripping all around us.

Then I felt myself going down. I still had Tyler’s hand and I couldn’t let go. I was pushed from the middle of the group to the other side and pushed into a hard object.

I tripped and crashed to the floor. Tyler fell right next to me and we didn’t even have the chance to move before that hard object had trapped us underneath its cool metal.

We were stuck. We didn’t make it. We were going to die!

I started to cry as the screams and shouts of victory faded out as the students exited the building.

Tyler still had my hand under the bank of lockers that had trapped us.

For some weird reason, I wasn’t thinking about anything that could happen anymore, just him and me.

“Tyler,” I whispered. “If you don’t mind, you’re squeezing my hand a bit tight.”

“No, I’m not, Stop hand fucking my hand.”

“Classy Tyler. Real classy.”

I don’t know if it was the lockers crushing us, or the fact that we were definitely going to die, but we broke out in laughter. It was like we were back in the old days. Before all this crazy shit happened between us.

“If we make it out of here, I might just have to take you up on that hanging out offer. Say, Chipotle?” He said after we calmed down.

“It wasn’t an offer. But okay” I smiled.

We fell silent as slow, menacing footsteps got closer to us. We clung to each other as a man in black points his gun right at us.

He doesn’t speak as he moves the gun between us before pointing it at Tyler’s head.

‘No.’ I think, but it is all too much to say out loud.

I have to be dreaming right. It all feels like a dream. I get Tyler back as a friend and now we die. The slow motion, the loud, deafening silence. It just has to be.

We both shut our eyes as the gun goes off. It’s just a dream.

So when the gunshot sounds far away, it doesn’t faze me. It seems like it came from down the hall. But it was really right next to me. It killed Tyler, right? Am I insane?

It takes a while but my mind starts to clear.

No. I’m not insane. That gunshot really was from down the hall. In an instant, I’m very aware that the boy next to me is breathing.

9:54 AM

“Ding. Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding.”

The sudden bursts of texts from a phone distract the man from us and he fumbles back a bit.

“Ahhhhhh. STOP IIIIITTTTT!!!” The man above us yells. He bends over in pain as he holds his ears.

He stomps over to the noise and out of my sight.

“Am I dead? Did he kill you too Troye?” I heard the boy to my right say.

“No Tyler. We are okay. But something happened over there and I can’t see.”

Tyler turns his head and looks through a small gap between him and the lockers crushing us, his eyes grow wide.

One million possibilities go through my head for what he might have seen, nothing good.

“What Ty, What is it?” I yell shaking him slightly.

He shakes his head, ready to throw up.

“Please,” I beg.

“No, It will break your heart.”

“Please.”

“Fine.” He sighs. “It’s, it’s Connor.”

‘Connor is in trouble! How? He got out in the run or die, right. Why would he be back over near the classroom?’ My mind is frantic! Franta-ic (a/n I’m sorry)

It seems my emotions were all too clear on my face and Tyler was not impressed as his look of disappointment grew.

“What part of ‘nothing happened we are just friends’ don’t you get Tilly?”

He sees right through my sarcastic tone and nods.

“I get it, you are friends. You are worried. He will be fine. Come here.”

He pulls me close and we just hold each other. I can’t see what is happening but I don’t think I want to if Tyler says that Connor is in trouble.

I close my eyes and we wait.

One last shot rigs and I sob horrendously into Tyler's shoulder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ok, now the shit show is done until Sunday.

I just wanted to write a story where Tyler and Troye become friends again.

I go into more depth on Wattpad. (yes I know I still use wattpad idk idc.)

Sarah xX