#my friends and i made a video in 2013(?) with it and i lost it :(

[tittyinfinity]

I miss the Harlem Shake

[jordannnggg]

I had the world’s shittiest narcissistic skater boyfriend who was 2 years older than me from 18-23. He treated me so badly, but he was the first person who ever looked at me like I had some form of worth in this world. The emotional abuse started about six months in. He’d break up with me and then call me a few days later in the middle of the night because he “needed” me. I lost 40 pounds I didn’t have to lose because he’d “never been with a girl as big with me”. I went from 130 to 90 at 19 years old. I dyed my hair because he told me he preferred brunettes. He broke up with me when I got my first big tattoo because he didn’t know if he could be with a girl who had big tattoos (he’s now covered head to toe including the side of his head and hands). He told me that if I got pregnant he’d leave the country, but at the same time told me that if I died he’d go out into the forest to fight a bear until it killed him because he couldn’t live without me. He told me we’d get married when we were older and I stayed and I fought and I loved him unconditionally because I thought that’s what love was. I thought my parents had given up too easily when they got divorced. I didn’t want to be like that.

Over the years during our breakups and makeups, I tried to see other guys but it never worked out. I lost myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore or what I liked or what to do outside of the stress of wondering when he would pop up or if he was alright after he called me a few nights before saying he thought he was ODing and then ghosting me after I stayed with him through the night.

Something changed me in 2013. My little sister had been a directioner from the start and I’d been trapped inside this bubble of abuse and depression and hopelessness and just sadness. She made me watch the Best Song Ever video and for the first time I understood what she’d already known for years. We went to go see This Is Us and I fell in love. Particularly with Liam. Liam was the kind of boy I needed to be with. He was sunshine and laughter and talent and bravery and ambition. I fell when he confessed that he was scared he’d never find someone who really loved him for him. It will forever break my heart.

In 2014 I was at a graduation party for my friends at their College. They left to go out to the bars but I hung back with a few others to not spend money and play card games. My boyfriend and I were back together at this point and were talking about getting an apartment together and I was happy because he was finally committing to me in the way I was committed to him. One of the guys at the party and I had flirted and hooked up before, but he was also back in a relationship, so I didn’t think anything of it. I called my boyfriend and he told me to be careful. I woke up the next morning with no idea where I was and half naked. The guy was telling me I needed to go because his mom was taking him to breakfast. I was confused and couldn’t remember anything past playing King’s Cup the night prior.

When I made it back to my friends, they were livid. They accused me of being a home-wrecker, a slut, etc because he had a girlfriend. (No one cared about my boyfriend because they all hated him which was fair). I tried to defend myself but they wouldn’t hear it, so I went home absolutely filled with dread because I didn’t understand what had happened or what I’d done but I knew I had to tell my boyfriend. The friend I’d rode up with tried to be supportive by saying that I’d just made a mistake but I couldn’t help but feel like I hadn’t done anything wrong (I hadn’t). She said I didn’t have to tell my boyfriend but I’m not that kind of person. I felt dirty which I confused with guilt. I was ashamed but also defensive of myself because I felt like I hadn’t done anything wrong despite the evidence against me.

I told him and he was understanding, not because he realized what had happened to me, but because “we’d both fucked up and it would be hypocritical of him to not give me another chance”. That made me mad, I’d never done anything to hurt him-except for this, whatever that was exactly. I swallowed it down and kept quiet because I wanted to move on with him. Something wouldn’t let me, I woke up crying in the middle of the night. That made him angry and he called me a slut and told me to get out of his house if I couldn’t get over what had happened. Itd been 2 days at this point.

We got back together that night. I tried to get over my “mistake” but something wouldn’t let me. I cried whenever he wasn’t around. I felt sick to my stomach. I wasn’t talking to my friends because they were on a cross-country trip with that guy. I was alone and exhausted and broken. I went to my mom’s work and sat outside in the parking lot and sobbed hysterically until she came outside to help me. She told me I should just end things because “we’d hurt each other too much” and again I was defensive, I’d never intentionally hurt him but I felt like I’d betrayed him somehow and my shame allowed me to end things. He told me to kill myself and that I’d ruined his life. I wish I could say that that was the end of it but it never ends with narcissists like him.

But I was finally free for the first time in 5 years. I’d lost everything except for my family and my sister and my favorite bands. I deep dived into 1D with my sister, she would be leaving for university that fall and our last hurrah was a trip to LA to see One Direction at the Rose Bowl for 2 nights. By September I was in love with all five boys, but with soft spots for Harry and Zayn, and a full blown crush on Liam.

I can honestly say that those boys and their enthusiasm for life and their music kept me from going too far into the darkness. I was depressed, but then I’d watch This Is Us, I’d hate myself until I listened to Through the Dark. I wanted a love like Happily felt when I listened to it. I watched every music video, learned all the lore, and when I was with the boys I didn’t think about the very traumatic toxic relationship I was in for 5 years. When I was listening to them my life was like Up All Night and Live While We’re Young, and Midnight Memories, full of youth and joy.

I had five boyfriends who didn’t care what I looked like or how much I weighed and it honestly got me healthy again. My hair grew out long and full and not dyed for the first time in years. My skin was clear, I was eating again and healthier, I went to the gym. I had a job, made new friends, and had plans to move in with my best friend in another city the next year. And when we saw them in concert on 9/12/14 & 9/13/14 it just cemented what I already knew. I loved them.

In the almost ten years since One Direction I have been changed completely. I was 23 in 2014, I’m now 33. I moved away from my hometown, made the greatest friends I’ve ever known, lived like the Midnight Memories/Up All Night/LWWY music videos and fell in love again (with my best guy friend and that didn’t work out either). I lived my life and healed from the broken person I’d been. I was my own person with my own personality. I made these friends on my own, I worked up in my job on my own, I lived on my own. I saw my ex every once in a while when I went home to see my family but mostly it was more of laugh than painful.

And then my best guy friend moved away. I went back to school and had to leave my friends. A close friend of ours died in almost the same way Liam did about five years and 357 days before he would. My friend died about 4 months after I stopped his first suicide attempt that left me with severe PTSD. Liam’s death hit me like a punch to the gut. They fell from the same height, I didn’t know if Liam committed suicide but I was instantly taken back to the moment I’d found out that my friend had passed. I spent two years barely sober when my friend died, I put myself in bad situations, I didn’t want to exist anymore, I felt like the biggest failure on the planet.

The third year was the beginning of the pandemic. I never stopped when my friend died, I took a week off of work, a semester off of school and kept going. I never dealt with my feelings, I numbed them down until I felt nothing. So when the pandemic hit and I had to sit with everything that had happened and everything I’d done, I felt it. I started working out again, swam in my parent’s pool, got tan and started to forgive myself. It showed in my life, I graduated with my AA, got a bigger job and moved out again. I was happier and healthier for the first time in 3 years.

I’m ashamed to have forgotten how much those boys meant to me when I “grew up”. I’ve seen Harry a few times, and I kept the other four in my peripherals but out of sight out of mind. They all seemed happy and doing their own thing, like me, they weren’t my boyfriends anymore. Liam always had a girlfriend so I had no chance in hell, I went back to my parasocial crushes I had better odds with (delusional).

It took 1 second and the words Liam Payne died to send me back to 2013/2014 & 2018, arguably the worst years of my life. I spiraled instantly. I got about 8 tattoos in a week because I wanted to feel something painful other than the devastation in my chest. I begged my angels to take the pain away because I couldn’t do it again. I almost didn’t survive the first time. I couldn’t live with the fact that both Liam and my friend died alone. I went back to feeling like the biggest failure in the world, two people I loved died “on my watch”. Love alone wasn’t enough to save either of them.

It’s been a month and I am still devastated. I’m back in therapy and still on my meds, so the spiral didn’t last too long or get worse than sobbing for a week straight because I lost someone I’d loved dearly and had saved me from myself and healed my broken heart. I’ve been sober for almost a year, so that helped a lot and I’ve been working out again with a trainer since the beginning of this year, so I’m in a good place with my health. I’m almost done with my BA and I’m getting my teaching credential next year.

All that to say, Liam James Payne, I’ll love you forever and I’m infinitely grateful for the influence, experiences and happiness you brought to my life when I needed it most. I will probably miss you for the rest of my life, but I’ll help look after the boys and live with the same kind, thoughtful and loving spirit that you possessed.

I know it’s not the end, I’ll see your face again.

All my love, J.

[marimayscarlett]

You’ve probably answered this before but I am kind of new here so I’ll ask again: how and when did you become a fan of Rammstein?

For me it was my best friends mom, she has an entire dedicated to the band and she took us with her to see a tribute band, which was cool and all, then I got my first mp3 player and asked the mom for audio files of the cds (ripping was a possibility then) because I liked rock and metal, I had my dads old Iron Maiden, Nirvana, Roling Stones cd’s etc already on it :) Plus is German class at the same time in high school, Sonne was played as an example of German music, which was very cool. Since then I am a listener. Was unfortunately too expensive at the time to go the MIG tour, my first time was festival tour 2016! And since then I have been every time they were in the ‘area’. And when Paul announced the break this year, I felt lost because aside from 2018 and the covid years I have seen them each year and was wondering how to survive without and started looking for the online fandom! And now I am here!🖤

Hi and thank you so much for your lovely message! I always enjoy reading and hearing how others found their way to the band and into the fandom! 🤲🏻

I mentioned my own story here and there briefly, but this asks gives me the opportunity to delve a little deeper 🙂‍↕️

Growing up as a kid in 90's and early 2000's Germany, it was almost impossible to avoid the band. Rammstein was a name that was always present, and while "Du hast" was the band's flagship song worldwide, "Engel" was THE Rammstein song that everyone in Germany knew (and still knows). I can remember hearing that song on the radio as far back as I can think.

Now things are about to get random: When I was around 11/12 years old, I was already neck deep in my fantasy/vampire phase, and I desperately wanted to watch something truly scary, like the cool kids. My mother didn’t allow me to watch horror movies, but she had another idea and showed me the video for "Du riechst so gut." I instantly fell head over heels for the song and had it on my MP3 player since I was 12 😊. However, I found the video so creepy, and as a child, I was terrified of Paul with his red eyes for ages 🫢

(gif source)

My third Rammstein song was "Stripped," which my father showed me. I was also introduced to the music video, kind of as an educational tool for Leni Riefenstahl, as my parents explained to me that while her film footage is very controversial due to her ideology (rightfully so), they were once considered highly aesthetic.

I saw Rammstein live for the first time in 2013 at the Southside Festival. I wasn’t a full fan yet, but I was incredibly excited to hear "Du riechst so gut" live. And I remember that all the Rammstein fans around me were incredibly kind and friendly, giving each other plenty of space to dance 😊.

Here comes another random but vital moment: I used to cosplay a lot and attend various conventions, one of them being Gamescom in Cologne. In 2015, after a particularly exhausting convention day, a friend and I came home in the evening and spent the night vegetating on the couch, clicking through YouTube, until we came across a video titled "Ich will" by Rammstein. Since I was somewhat familiar with the band by then, I was curious, so we clicked on it. And well:

That guy comes on screen and that was it for me.

Since then, Rammstein has become an inseparable part of my life. I’ve seen them live several times in 2017, 2023, and 2024, made wonderful friends through the fandom, and kind of met my husband with the help of this band (the first conversation we ever had was about Till's newly released album "Skills in Pills" in 2015 🤭)

This band has given me so much, brought me a lot of joy and distraction, pushed me to educate myself on various topics, and simply feels like a musical home for me.

Sometimes it’s not easy being a Rammstein fan (for various reasons), but I can’t imagine my life without them anymore 🤍

If anyone wants, feel free to share with with your experience on how you found your way to Rammstein 🤲🏻

[kinardsevan]

this was actually a Send Me Asks list I posted back in June, but I'm bored and want to answer these anyway sooooo. enjoy.

🫓 What is your most popular fic? -this really depends on which metric we base it on. hits: empty bones. comments: empty bones. kudos: the saboteur (in terms of WIPs and not one shots, aneurysm fic is first) bookmarks: it's gonna be alright (piece by piece) [aka aneurysm fic] that all said, these two get just about equal attention (which is why I love them both equally)

🥘 What category do most of your fics fall under? 😂😂😂😂😂 emotional angst, hurt/comfort. my friends have a lot to say about it too 😂😂😂😂

🍲 When did you start writing and why? literally as a little kid, because my mom told me about her writing poetry as a little kid and gaining recognition for it. i thought that was cool. given the fact that I'm now a published poet and have had a group exhibition, I'd say my artistry is paying off.

🍱 Do you read your own fics? yes and no? I don't read all of them, but with stories like aneurysm fic and empty bones (and a little bit the devil doesn't bargain), I need to refer back to them for information. Plus, I tend to write shit I end up being really proud of, and I like to read those scenes back to myself.

🍛 Have any comments, tags or reactions to one of your fics every made you laugh or cry or both? make me laugh? all the time. @im-turnip and @girlwonder-writes always entertain me with their responses. I haven't really ever had one that's made me cry, but every time I've gotten a review on Empty Bones (or Lost That War in the PLL fandom) about the way people could relate... I screenshot and save those babies as memories that someone else understands it too. Makes me feel less alone and more understood.

🍜 Do you ever feel pressured to write? fuck yes. I thrive off of positive reinforcement, and at one point last summer I was posting EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. Waking up to those reviews drove me to write even more. Now that I'm back in school and have less time to write, it's harder to generate content, but I still crave that attention. But even beyond that, I know there are people waiting to see what's going to happen (fun fact: you and I are going to find out together 😂), and I don't like the idea of letting them down.

🍠 How long does it take you to write one of your fics or a chapter/part? ....depends. if I have the time, an 8-10k chapter can be cranked out in about 3 days, sometimes less. For something with chapters the length of aneurysm fic (which started at 10k and now have some as long as 20k)....weeks? chapter 6 probably won't be done before November. Honestly it just depends on how much detail goes into one scene and how much I've mapped that dialogue out in my head.

🍢 Have you ever gotten hate on a fic? yes. not in the 911 fandom (yet...that i can remember lmao), but way back when I was a teenager writing in the tslotat fandom, I got it more than once.

🍣 What helps you focus or get in the mood to write? music. youtube videos. little 'what-if' scenarios.

🍥 What's your favorite fic you've written? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

DON'T ME PICK BETWEEN THE TWINS, OK?

Ok ok, though... it's empty bones. BUT. It's my heart and soul and I just... you know?

But also, it's aneurysm fic, because of the level of work and research and it's my little baby and and and. So.... you know?

🥮 Do you have any writing milestones you're working toward? I know at the end of the summer I was closing in on like 400k on the year. I'd like to hit 5 and maybe even further. in the depths of my depression in 2013, when I quit writing, I'd done roughly 750k that year (for a fully calendar year), and there's something enticing about breaking that record, especially knowing my mind is in a completely different place these days.

🍡 Which of your fics was the most emotionally difficult to write? One Tear At A Time. I wrote that entire series off the heels of my friend dying when we were 21. I had a really hard time dealing with it, especially because I was living at home with unmedicated, severe depression and no prospects for my future. He was married, in the army, with a baby on the way. I used that story as a vehicle to really face my issues with the fact that I was angry about my own situation and also talk about what it's like to lose someone you were once in love with at such a young age, but I still cried while working on it.

🍘 Is there a fic or idea for a fic that you've abandoned? oh absolutely. 40 Days was supposed to be a 4 story arc. I wrote two of them and started the third....and then fell off hard.

in terms of what I'm working on now.... I mean I still have my list of ideas. I wouldn't say I've abandoned anything newer, mostly that I'm just super busy and haven't found time to get back to them. even with Your Arson's Match, I know what happens next. I just have to get around to it 😂😂😂😂

🍙 Is there a fic you wish had gotten more attention? I mean selfishly I want them all to 😂😂😂 However, I realize that I write a particular brand of fic (angst) for a ship that, while it's doing well, isn't the #1 ship for its show. That all said... empty bones and aneurysm fic 😂😂😂😂😂😂

🍚 What genre do you have the toughest time writing? .... .... .... ( @girlwonder-writes no one asked you 😂😂😂) ...fluff.... LIFE IS PAINFUL OK. I NEED TO PROCESS THE ICK. 😂

[x-on-the-calendar-business]

ryan ross iceberg tier 3

tier 1, tier 2, tier 4, tier 5, tier 6, tier 7, tier 8

into the waters:

cricket and clover:

also known as the cabin album, this is the scrapped album that panic! wrote in 2007 when they locked themselves in a cabin in nevada (hence the nickname). according to a tweet from jon, 14 songs were written for the album, only 3 of which ever saw the light of day [i]. however, this tweet seems to have been deleted.

one song was folkin’ around, which of course made it onto pretty. odd.

another was nearly witches, which made it on vices & virtues, but the demo version is very different from the official version. you can listen to the demo here [ii].

the last song that we know of from this album is it’s true love. this song was performed once in 2007 at summerfest; unfortunately, the quality isn’t the best [iii]. however, this song still gives good insight into what the album would’ve sounded like, which is very different from fever but similar to pretty odd (although sources state the album still sounded very different from both previous and future works) [iv].

the album was intended to be a concept album, with each song leading into the next story wise. it would tell a love story between two people named cricket and clover [iv].

in 2018, jon also tweeted that he found some cricket and clover demos at his dad’s house, but it seems he does not have the authority to release them [iv]. genius also released a number of song titles, but jon also said that those names were not accurate [i].

we also have this image of ryan’s handwritten lyrics for songs unreleased from the album.

besides these small snippets of information, it’s safe to assume this album will remain lost to time forever, unless someone gives jon the permission to leak the demos (please).

i’m afraid that i:

on the 2006 summer tour, and specifically on live in denver, panic! covered karma police by radiohead. this entry refers to a part of that song in which ryan sings the line “i’m afraid that i.” ryan fans became obsessed with this clip and it’s taken on a life of its own.

you smell like a slut:

this also references a clip from the live in denver dvd. rather than explaining it, i’ll just let the video explain itself.

the moat:

in 2010, ryan tweeted at one of his friends that he could “float in [ryan’s] moat until he gets settled,” implying that ryan has a moat around his house [v].

i also found this panic! confession, but i’m not sure of the legitimacy of the claim nor of the house in the photo actually being the home ryan lived in (i hope it wasn’t) [vi].

eta: i think that actually is his house because in a podcast, he talks about how people have shown up to his house and made him scared to even open the door for the mailman :( with that being said, i removed the original image because i don't feel comfortable having a pic of his house in this (idk if he still lives there, but regardless). it is still in the source i linked if you're really curious, but it should go without saying that no one should show up to his house.

it’s the end of the electric guitar era:

this is a clip from the documentary, the calendar business, in which ryan says he was so frustrated with one of his guitars. so, he said “it’s the end of the electric guitar era” and burned it.

i’ll also link the full documentary here because it’s an interesting watch itself! [vii]

coachella:

for a few years, ryan went to coachella. i know he was definitely at 2015 and 2016, but also maybe 2011 and 2013 [viii].

he was also pictured with cristofer drew at one of them (nevershoutnever) which doesn’t mean anything significant; it’s just an interesting tidbit to me because nsn started my emo phase lmao

gabe saporta:

my king.

gabe saporta, formerly of midtown and cobra starship (both incredible bands that you should check out), was an absolute icon of fueled by ramen bandom. in the presplit days, he and ryan were buddies, as were most bands on that label, but after the divorce ryan got to keep gabe. they used to frequently post on instagram hanging out. we don’t really see them together much these days, but to be fair, ryan disappeared from the internet and gabe is the father of two kids. so i’m sure they’re still friends offline!

there is also this absolutely iconic friends or enemies interview that gabe did with ryan that everyone should watch here [ix] (also guy ripley saying “delicious” in the background at the end means everything to me).

eta: this post was made before gabe made all of those zionist comments about the genocide in palestine, so i feel i should clarify that he is no longer my king and it's free palestine and fuck israel forever :)

vicky t:

victoria asher, professionally known as vicky t, is another former member of cobra starship. she and ryan did hang out in the presplit days of course, but also some in the post split days. it seems she remained friends with all of panic! though.

however, vicky is extremely problematic and transphobic, which is detailed more here [x]. she also works with britney spears these days, and from what i can tell, britney’s fans do not have good things to say about vicky. but this is really not the place to dive into that.

keltie and jac podcast and books:

so kitty from glee and two of ryan ross’ exes start a podcast…

seriously though, keltie knight, jac vanek, and becca tobin run a podcast called lady gang, and ketlie and jac have discussed ryan on it before. in this interview from 2017, they say that they met because of a mutual ex, saying, “he was kind of known for a minute” and, “we don’t speak the name; it’s like voldemort.” [xi]. they also say they’re not sure if he’s still alive, and well…valid. in a tumblr post from 2018, an anon states that keltie talked about selling ryan’s clothes in an episode and that she and jac were saying mean things about him [xii]. also, in this podcast episode from last year, jac and keltie talk about ryan from about 05:25 to 08:10; they wonder if he has a girlfriend and what he is up to now, and keltie talks about how she regrets being messy in the relationship and writing her book, and how she tried to contact him when hobo died [xiii].

i’ve already talked about it some before, but in 2010, keltie released a book called “rockettes, rockstars, and rockbottom.” this book has an entire section dedicated to her relationship with ryan called “the dreamer” – the dreamer being the alias she uses to refer to him throughout. when describing the beginning of their relationship, she talks about how young he was very often, saying he was still a child and that he had a hard time passing for even 14, amongst other examples. as i said in tier 2, the age gap in their relationship was important because of the power dynamics, as evidenced in the book. from what i gather from the book, their relationship was messy, codependent, and, for lack of a better word, toxic. keltie is allowed to talk about her life, but it doesn’t sit right with me that she went into intimate detail about their relationship when ryan is such a private person. ryan was definitely not innocent in this relationship either, though; they both had their issues that they needed to work out on their own rather than keltie trying to fix ryan or him wanting her to. luckily, as i said before, keltie does regret writing the book at least.

if for some reason you’re interested in reading her book, you can find it for free here [xiv]. you just need to make an internet archive account and check it out hourly.

(also a side note that i did in fact listen to lady gang and read keltie’s book for this entry, so please at least give me kudos for that if nothing else)

5th member of 1d:

on march 25, 2015, zayn malik left one direction, and so naturally, people wanted to fuck with their fans. someone edited the official 1d wikipedia page and added ryan under their list of current members. 1d fans on twitter subsequently had meltdowns, exclaiming “WHO IS RYAN ROSS��� (i mean c’mon they were in an emotional, vulnerable state). ryan ended up changing his twitter bio to say, “NOT in 1D” and made a tweet about it [xv].

scholarship:

when panic! was first getting its start, ryan received a full scholarship from the university of nevada las vegas for writing. however, he dropped out after one semester to focus on the band, which his dad did not approve of.

he talks about it in live in denver from 58:45 until 59:18 [xvi].

the boy who blocked his own shot:

this is song by brand new off their 2003 album deja entendu (fuck jesse lacey). it’s on this iceberg because ryan loved this song and posted about it on his lj a lot, along with the rest of the album. i know he specifically quoted another song, okay i believe you but my tommy gun don’t, as well.

blinkexists@aol.com:

when ryan was a teenager, this was his email. in fact, it is the email he used to communicate with pete wentz. pete talked about it in this interview with mark hoppus, starting at 02:00 [xvii].

moulin rouge:

this is a movie musical released in 2001 that ryan was obsessed with and one of his favorite movies. i don’t really have any other source for this than trust me bro, but i promise it’s true.

original singer for panic!:

when panic! first started, and even when brendon initially joined the band, ryan was the singer. however, they heard brendon singing back up during brand practice one day and asked him to be the singer rather than the guitarist.

ryan and brendon talk about it some in live in denver from 38:46 to 41:23 [xviii]. specifically my favorite quote from this is, “it felt right to have confident sounding lyrics behind a confident voice.”

(also i’m trying to be objective throughout this but let me just say this for context and transparency: i hate brendon urie LMAO)

guitarist ryan ross declined to be interviewed:

in 2015, billboard published this article for the 10 year anniversary of a fever you can’t sweat out [xix]. they reached out to multiple people to interview for the article, including brendon, jon, pete wentz, producer matt squire, manager scott magelberg, and bob mclynn. underneath this, it says spencer and brent could not be reached. it also says, “guitarist ryan ross declined to be interviewed.” people just thought it was funny because he would decline. he is living the hermit life for real.

so that’s all for tier 3. next we move onto a deeper layer, when i really feel like we get into some stuff the average fan wouldn’t know, which i am excited to delve into. gonna be honest though, it’s gonna be a long one.

tier 4

references:

[i] https://panicatthedisco.fandom.com/wiki/Cricket_%26_Clover

[ii] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfsssP9lwII

[iii] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNE4U5Yy-BE

[iv] https://lostmediawiki.com/Cricket_and_Clover_(partially_found_scrapped_Panic!_At_The_Disco_album;_2007)

[v] https://failross.livejournal.com/61466.html?thread=1787418

[vi] https://panicconfessions.tumblr.com/page/138

[vii] https://vimeo.com/164855487

[viii] https://twitter.com/search?q=ryan%20ross%20coachella&src=typed_query

[ix] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGe0fR5OM80

[x] https://ocalaghan.tumblr.com/post/157422369150/vickytransphobe-master-post

[xi] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEwgcmUJbkE

[xii] https://pathetic-at-the-disco.tumblr.com/post/171494458406/keltie-talks-about-selling-ryans-clothes-in-one

[xiii] https://www.podcastone.com/episode/LG-QUICKIE-Not-Gonna-Lie-Part-2

[xiv] https://archive.org/details/rockettesrocksta0000coll/mode/2up

[xv] https://www.altpress.com/one_direction_fans_think_ryan_ross_is_joining_the_bandand_theyre_furious/

[xvi] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLWcbA2fhHI&t=3466s

[xvii] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLD8sHVgEnA

[xviii] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLWcbA2fhHI&t=2326s

[xix] https://www.billboard.com/music/rock/panic-at-the-disco-fever-you-cant-sweat-out-oral-history-pete-wentz-brendon-urie-6707864/

[foxes-that-run]

Two Ghosts

In 5 - 7 minutes of Behind the Album there is footage of Harry working on the melody, lyrics and recording two ghosts in Jamaica in late 2016. He goes on to moving from 1D where his personal life was overexposed and wanting to write music that was successful without people knowing about his personal life. He has made a similar comment to Rolling Stone “I don’t know much about Van Morrison’s life, but I know how he felt about this girl, because he put it in a song. So I like working the same way.”

When was it written

On it's release in May 2017 Harry said it was written “almost 4 years ago now”. in Summer 2013, Midnight Memories had his first writing credits, Happily and Something Great, Style was not written then. While possible, Two Ghosts is more mature. I think he thought he “wrote too many songs about” her and changed the time.

By 2019 he'd moved on and he told Rolling Stone it was written for Made in the AM. (Summer, 2015.) That places it with Walking on the wind, if I could fly, Olivia and Perfect, which also refer to 1989. FTDT and Woman are the same period, but don’t have lyrics that ID them like two ghosts.

To me, Two Ghosts is about reflecting on a lost love. The premise os the song reflects the Style MV which has Harry and Taylor shot in a ghostly way. The Style MV was released Valentines Day 2015, the anniversary of them getting together in 2014.

It has only been played live once since 2018, on Valentines Day 2020, further indicated it may have been written on Valentines Day 2015. Harry choose it over Golden when promoting Fine Line on Radio 2's Valentines Show in 2020, (16 mins), the only time it's been played in 4 years now. Harry also played Joni Mitchell’s yellow taxi which Joni tweeted about the anniversary of.

1D was in Australia, HS was flat. Style was #6, named after him and with footage is intentionally reminiscent. Even more interesting that we never saw the Two Ghosts MV, though Taylor referenced it in Me!'s.

On holding it back to be Solo

From Rolling Stone: "Sometimes if you’re, like, telling a really personal story, then the voice changes every few lines; it doesn’t quite do the same thing. As the songs got more personal, I think I just became more aware that at some point there might be a moment where I would want to sing it myself.”

"A turning point was “Two Ghosts,” a ballad from his solo debut. “’Two Ghosts’ I wrote for the band, for Made in the A.M. But the story was just a bit too personal. As I started opening up to write my more personal stuff, I just became aware of a piece of me going, ‘I want to sing the whole thing.’ Now I look at a track list and these are all my little babies. So every time I’m playing a song, I can remember writing it, and exactly where we were and exactly what happened in my life when I wrote it."

Questions on who it’s about

Nick Grimshaw asked Harry (at 4:38) if it was about Taylor. Media trained, 5 year seasoned TS question dodger, Harry had an adorable reaction. He and Nick are friends, he’s being coy and laughing, answering “I think it’s pretty self explanatory” adding “I think it’s about, sometimes things change, and you can do all the same things, and sometimes it’s just different, you know? 2017, Philosopher, London, England.” Then he laughs and dances around.

Lyrics

Same lips red, same eyes blue Same white shirt, couple more tattoos But it's not you and it's not me Tastes so sweet, looks so real Sounds like something that I used to feel But I can't touch what I see

The song clearly references Style, the music video for which was filmed in November 2014 while they were together and released in February 2015 after they broke up while he was in Australia.

The video is meant to be something he used to feel, that looks real but he can’t touch. It shows Taylor and Harry-stand-in with projections, playing with light and it’s interspersed with home video footage. The footage is thought to be shot in part by Harry, or at least wearing outfits she was pictured with him in.

We're not who we used to be We're not who we used to be We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat

In the chorus moves from the reminder of the Video to the memory. Reflecting on looking at an idealised version of his relationship that’s now broken up and he’s grieving.

Taylor had referred to Harry as a ghost in How You Get The Girl “Stand there like a ghost shaking from the rain”

The fridge light washes this room white Moon dances over your good side And this was all we used to need Tongue-tied like we've never known Telling those stories we already told 'Cause we don't say what we really mean

In the second verse Harry reflects on their downfall, a lack of communication.

Taylor refers to herself as tongue-tied in Message in a bottle on Red “and I became hypnotised/ by freckles and bright eyes, tongue tied”

Harry later refers to being still tongue-tied in Sunflower Vol 6. Taylor also sang about not saying what the mean in Wish you Would: “You think I'm gonna hate you now / ‘Cause you still don't know what I never said”

We're just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat

This may refer to being emotionally depleted, as in Ever Since New York: "Brooklyn saw me, empty at the news / There's no water inside this swimming pool"

Or it could refer to being in an ever shrinking microscope, Taylor later used a Snowglobe and Fishbowl in the Lover Video to represent being on display together.

[yuurei20]

Meet the Seiyuu: Ace Trappola

Ace's VA Yamashita Seiichirou wanted to be an actor, but says there weren’t any opportunities in his home of Hiroshima. He became interested in voice acting after starting high school and making friends who introduced him to manga and anime.

Today is his birthday!

After high school he enrolled in Tokyo’s Amusement Media Academy. He was accepted to talent agency Office Osawa in 2013 and made his anime debut in October of that year as Mizuno Takahiro in “Walkure Romanze.”

He voiced Yumekawa Shogo in the Idol Time PriPara anime series and portrayed the character on stage as a part of “‘WITH by IdolTimePripara’ DANPRI SPECIAL EVENT” in 2021.

Yamashita is an early Toboso Yana collaborator, voicing Edward Midford in 2017’s Book of the Atlantic.

He has had roles in over 200 anime/video games/drama CDs including projects such as Battle Spirits Burning Soul, orange, Katsugeki/Touken Ranbu, Lost Song, Rumble Garanndoll, Futsal Boys!!!, Aoashi, My Hero Academia, Hori san to Miyamura kun, That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime and more.

On the topic of Twst Yamashita has often said that his personality is actually more similar to that of Deuce, such as this interview from the 2020 fanbook (vol.1)

Yamashita and Deuce’s Kobayashi seem to overlap often, with both seiyuu appearing in projects such as Butlers: Chitose Momotose Monogatari, Lost Virgin, Kneel and Ask for Love and My Partner is the Thoroughbred.

They are also often paired together for Twst promotions such as these videos where they introduce a Twst-inspired hotel room and dessert plate.

This video on the Aniplex USA YouTube Account features Yamashita and Kobayashi talking about how honored they are there was no dubbing in Twst so that users overseas are able to experience the game with their voices.

Yamashita has hosted two episodes of “Good Boy!” with Floyd’s Okamoto Nobuhiko Viewable here

And here (where he again mentions how he identifies more with Deuce and apologizes for the rude things that Ace says to Deuce in book 5)

In a 2022 ranking of Yamashita’s most memorable characters, his role as Ace was voted #1

Yamashita visiting the Twisted Wonderland Exhibition in Tokyo with Ruggie’s Ichikawa and Jamil’s Futaba.

Compilation of different characters voiced by Yamashita

Yamashita has done some really amazing work with Ace in Twst—here is a compilation of some of his best moments!

[camelotsbi]

I wouldn't normally post about this but I have so many conflicting feelings about Liam Payne's passing,,,,

I was a hardcore directioner from 2013 to 2016 (back when we were waiting for the 18 month hiatus to end). I was there, I saw all the hype, watched all the videos and listened to all the albums. I fangirled with my friends. I read a lot of fanfiction,,, I remember crying when the news about Zayn's leaving dropped, and how all of the girls at my school were absolutely devastated the next day.

And today I'm here, still holding a lot of 1D's songs close to my heart, reading about Liam's death, and I feel...nothing. Which is a lie, because then I wouldn't be here writing this. And, at the same time I find no other way to describe it.

I pretty much stopped following the guys when the first solo album dropped and it became clear that the hiatus was going to be a lot longer than 18 months. I listened to Harry's album but wasn't impressed. I listened to This Town and fell in love with it, so I bought Flicker when it came out. I didn't listen to Louis'. I didn't listen to Zayn's. I didn't listen to Liam's. But I read the criticisms and the (bad) reviews. It kinda became clear to me that, out of the five, he was struggling the most to find a path outside of the band.

I also remember the interview Liam did for a podcast and how he sounded so full of himself. How he said he was the "honorary member of One Direction" and that the whole thing was built around him because of a promise someone had made to him. I remember feeling angry and being in disbelief. I think he lost my sympathy in that moment. But I also just felt bad for him... I remember him talking about how his album was written by other people and not thought through enough so it didn't feel like a cohesive piece of art. He clearly didn't know who he was outside the band and I think he probably didn't know what he really wanted either. Idk.

This past week I was talking to a friend about why I slowly grew to dislike him, and how I kind of had already grieved One Direction, because the boys I fell in love with back in 2012 feel soooo different form the men we see today.

So, when I saw the news, I didn't cry. It took me by surprise. It shook me. But it didn't make me feel sad. If anything, I feel sad about his family, his friends and the other 1D members. I feel sad for the fans who lost a piece of their heart today. And I feel kind of relieved that whenever he is, he is no longer in pain.

I don't think I'm gonna miss him. I've been grieving the whole band for a long time.

[thislovintime]

"Lady's Baby" (Tork) alternate vocal [More on YouTube.] Photo 1 in this video by Nurit Wilde, photo 2 by Bridgeman Images.

"[At the Troubadour, Peter] sang one of his new songs, ‘Lady’s Baby,’ and was called back for an encore." - Disc and Music Echo, May 18, 1968 (x)

“Peter isn’t sure what he’s going to do now [that he has left The Monkees], but he’s feeling free for the first time in months. Toward the end of the Monkees’ run at Screen Gems, Peter said they’d go into recording sessions and not even speak to each other much less play together.” - Circus, June 1969

“[Davy] got sick of banging the tambourine all day long. And [Micky] lost faith in himself. He never did believe he was a decent drummer, so he didn't want to do it anymore. Mike wanted to produce his own records. He wanted to have total control. I was the only one who believed in the group per se, and so there I was all by myself, wanting a group, with nobody to be a group with.” - Peter Tork, When The Music Mattered (1984)

“Taking the expression of following one’s muse quite literally, [Peter] sought to re-create in the studio the very environment that inspired him to compose the song. This endeavor included having a recording engineer crawl on the ground after young Justin to capture real-life ‘smiles and coos’ (as in the song’s lyrics). Both lady and baby giggled and squeaked through hours of expensive recording time, which seemed to infuriate some members of the band and their musical coordinator, the late Lester Sill. ‘“Lady’s Baby” was a very weird and ridiculous situation,’ recalls engineer Hank Cicalo. ‘To accommodate Peter at the time, he wanted to do this thing and he wanted it to be real spacey. So what we did was we set up the studio and brought rugs in and made a little room with pillows. He would bring his friends in and they’d sit around and he’d play a little bit. It was pretty outrageous: days and days of doing the same piece of material. ‘They would just sit around for hours and drink wine and carry on, and try to get takes of this tune. Maybe we would make one or two takes. It was OK for me as an engineer because it was like taxi time. But he wouldn’t take any help from anybody. At this point in time I thought my communication with the guys was pretty good, and I could talk to them and whatever else. There were a couple of times he got a little hot about doing this. I’d say, ‘Hey, you’re wasting a lot of time. Either we do this track, or we get on with it.’ We must have done a hundred takes on that thing. He sort of went off on his own in a lot of ways. And there was a little resentment between the guys in not working together.’” - The Birds, The Bees & The Monkees box set liner notes

“Hey listen, fair is fair. They laugh and joke about that [‘Lady’s Baby’]. OK, it cost as much to do I think as ‘Good Vibrations.’ They were laughing about Peter Tork, but that [song] is a true-to-life thing. He was living with a woman [Karen Harvey] at the time and she had a little baby [Justin Hammer] and that changed his life, you know? That gave him something to think about. He was being downtrodden by the studio in regard to his recording and his playing and his songs and everything else, but the guy was the salt of the earth. It wasn’t just Hare Krishna, waterbeds and brown rice. That guy was a very, very accomplished musician. He needed magic to be able to get in and do ‘Lady’s Baby.’ It’s a nice song. It’s true. It’s got the warmth and everything of what he was living. ‘Lady’s Baby’ touches me, lets me know that I am free, whatever it is. I remember it so well. It’s a real tune, you know? I love it.” - Davy Jones, The Monkees: The Day-By-Day Story of the '60s TV Pop Sensation (2005) (x)

"[M]y darling Karen, with whom I am still very good friends all these years later.” - Peter Tork during his My Life In The Monkees & So Much More tour, 2013 (x)

"We’re still very, very good friends." - Karen Harvey, The News Journal, July 16, 1989 (x)

Q: “The Birds, The Bees & The Monkees sessions was a productive time in the studio for The Monkees. However, none of your stuff like ‘Lady’s Baby’ and ‘Tear The Top Right Off My Head’ made it to the album. How come?” Peter Tork: “To tell you truth… I… I never was able in those days particularly — I’m getting better at it these days — but in those days I was almost entirely unable to fight for what I saw as quality. If I didn’t get somebody fighting on my behalf then it didn’t, just didn’t come to pass. And none of the other guys was much interested in supporting my sense of quality, they had their own agendas and each one of them… I mean, not that I was left out in this regard, no one of us really supported any of the others except that, that I like to think that I tried to support Micky in a way which, for some reason, he never did pick up on. I mean, I think that Micky has a certain kind of genius that he was never able to acknowledge in himself. But be any of that as it may, I just basically think that I wasn’t feeling a part of it anymore already by that point, I’d already felt like I was odd man out, and of course I quit almost immediately thereafter. In fact, I think it’s The Birds, The Bees & The Monkees that has some tunes that were recorded after I quit.” - Headquarters radio, September 1989 (x)

[inwintersolitude]

- November 18th 2024 -

A lot of my friends are unfollowing or unfriending those who agree with a different political party than them. Have you ever unfollowed or unfriended anyone over politics? Why or why not? I haven't unfollowed anyone over only politics, but I have unfollowed people who were being hateful or anti-human-rights because of their politics.

Do you trust in God? Why or why not? Nope, I don't believe in the existence of any sort of god/deity/etc.

What's the dumbest way you've been injured? Oh I've had lots of dumb injuries haha. I once got jet fuel sprayed up my nose and into my eyes and had to go to the ER to get it washed out (I was fueling a plane and the high pressure stream of fuel ricocheted off a tank tab and right up into my face). My bell pepper incident last year was pretty dumb, too... I was looking through a display of precariously-stacked bell peppers at the grocery store when several of them started to fall down. I tried to catch them, cut my finger on the plastic bin they were falling out of, and the cut got infected.

Do you believe fibromyalgia is a real disease? Why or why not? Yes absolutely. I've seen what it does to people and there's no doubt it's real. I follow a few people on social media who suffer from it and I've also watched videos on YouTube of doctors and researchers talking about it.

Has anyone in your family been diabetic? Nope.

When was the last time you can remember falling down the stairs, and what happened? Were you alone or was it in public? Share details! Sometime around 2012 or 2013. It was only a few stairs, though.  I was at home, going down the stairs, and simply lost my footing and slipped.

Do you wear earmuffs during the colder months? I prefer hats. I don't like how earmuffs look on me.

Do you know anyone who has the medical condition POTS? I have a working diagnosis of POTS. I've had it since my 4th covid booster in late 2022, and then it got worse after I had actual covid in June/July of this year, and that's when my cardiologist started to suspect that it's been POTS all along. I still need to do autonomic testing, though.

Do you know what the medical condition POTS is? Yep.  Basically a malfunctioning of the autonomic nervous system.  I just wish I didn't know firsthand lol.

Do you experience frequent tachycardia? It's not as frequent now that I started meds in February 2023, but I still get bad flare ups where my resting heart rate goes up to 130-150 bpm and I'm barely able to stand up. I've had to go to the ER a few times because of it since I also sometimes get random heart attack symptoms along with the tachycardia.

Have you been ignoring someone who has been trying to reach out to you? If so, why? Nope.

Do you agree or disagree with this quote: The only constant variable in my life is pain and suffering. I disagree.

If you celebrate Thanksgiving, have you ever been the one to cook the turkey? Yep.  I cooked a full Thanksgiving dinner a few times for just my husband and I, back when we lived in Virginia.  We didn't live near family, and with both of us working in aviation, we didn't always have enough time off work to travel over a holiday to go visit family.  So, I made a turkey and all the standard side dishes for just us to have at home together.

Do you pray every day? Why or why not? No. I'm an atheist.

Do you know anyone who has lupus? I don't think so.

List three emotions you've experienced in the past 24 hours. Happiness, apathy, gratitude.

When was the last time you went to Starbucks? About a month ago.  I got a tea latte on the way to the park.

When was the last time you baked scones? Years ago.

Do you decorate your home for fall? Yep, I always get an assortment of pumpkins to decorate the front porch.

Do you prefer ebooks or actual books? Actual books.

What does the last mug you drank out of look like? It's a light cream colored Mason Cash stoneware mug, with an embossed leaf/forest design all over the outside.  It's my favorite mug.

What is one thing you love about getting older? People finally treating me like the competent adult I am. I look quite a bit younger than my age and I went through my entire 20s having people (who don't know me well enough to know my age) treat me like I was a teenager, or maybe at best a college student. Some people were very condescending about it.

Do you post on Instagram frequently? Not really. I mostly use Instagram for my nature and drone photography, but ever since my POTS got worse, I oftentimes don't feel well enough to go on walks out in nature.

How many Instagram accounts do you have? Two, but one is pretty much abandoned. I started it in 2012 and haven't posted on it since about 2019.

What is your Instagram username (if you wish to share)? kel_m90

[chilfry]

Hello again.

Here is the site:

A summary:

Moegirlpedia is a Chinese wiki founded on October 12, 2010. It also has an English and a Japanese version, both opened on January 2013. The main focus of Moegirlpedia is animation, comics, games, novels, and other types of media, along with the subcultures that originated from them.

Currently, the English version (and the Japanese one as well) are terribly short on content, so I am showing this site around to others so that they might be interested in contributing to it. I even wrote a whole guide to make the navigation on the wiki easier.

Here is a post I made on my blog about it.

oh thats so cool!! Amy is such an underrated character imo. She’s an absolute powerhouse despite not having any powers at all! she uses a weapon called the “piko piko hammer.” her strength doesn’t make her any less feminine, though! she loves fashion and tarot cards. she also loves sonic romantically, but its unrequited.

in canon, Amy is sometimes protrayed as an overly obsessive sonic fangirl. but its been shown that she is more than that. she’s cheerful, kind, loving, empathetic, optimistic, expressive and assertive. of course, not every character is free from flaws. she can be short-tempered and agressive at times. often resorts to threats when she or her friends are at a risk of being hurt.

also heres a list of her english voice actors! (mainline games and series only)

Jennifer Doulliard (sonic adventure series, sonic heroes)

Lisa Ortiz (shadow the hedgehog, sonic riders, sonic and the secret rings, sonic unleashed, sonic and the black knight, sonic x)

Cindy Robinson (sonic colors, sonic generations, sonic lost world, sonic boom, sonic forces)

Shannon Chan Kent (sonic prime)

i guess thats it for my contribution but there is WAYY more information about her that i can’t really summarize here! i highly suggest doing more research and watch some video essays about her and her character! shes a little different each time across all the games so its pretty important to learn more about

i wish you luck on the wiki! keep up the good work cause fandomwiki DESPERATELY needs to be replaced. (ps. very sorry for the capitalization and punctutation in this. i kinda rushed it hehe)

[mostlysignssomeportents]

This day in history

Next Tuesday (December 5), I'm at Flyleaf Books in Chapel Hill, NC, with my new solarpunk novel The Lost Cause, which 350.org's Bill McKibben called "The first great YIMBY novel: perceptive, scientifically sound, and extraordinarily hopeful."b

#20yrsago Stephen King: forget piracy, boomers are just tired of buying crap https://ew.com/article/2007/02/01/stephen-king-laziness-baby-boomers/

#15yrsago Britain ordered to destroy its database of innocents’ DNA https://web.archive.org/web/20130905083503/https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2008/dec/05/dna-database-civilliberties

#10yrsago Charity sends Amazon a cake celebrating 3d anniversary of unpaid invoice https://twitter.com/MusicBrainz/status/408000817048731648

#10yrsago Blues Brothers mall car-chase recreated in Lego https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ_uqlNgSU8

#10yrsago NSA’s talking points for friends and family — rebutted https://web.archive.org/web/20131202215105/http://dissenter.firedoglake.com/2013/12/02/nsa-sent-home-talking-points-for-employees-to-use-in-conversations-with-family-friends-during-holidays/

#5yrsago Malware authors have figured out how to get Google to do “irreversible takedowns” of the sites they compete with https://torrentfreak.com/scammers-hit-pirate-game-sites-with-irreversible-google-takedowns-181130/

#5yrsago Facebook lured charities to its platform, then abandoned them once they got hacked https://www.wired.com/story/nonprofits-facebook-get-hacked-need-help/

#5yrsago Thousands of Wisconsinites turn out to protest outgoing Republicans’ plan to seize power after electoral defeat https://www.commondreams.org/news/2018/12/04/coup-protests-engulf-wisconsin-capitol-outgoing-scott-walker-and-gop-move-cripple

#5yrsago Facebook made itself indispensable to media companies, “pivoted to video,” changed its mind, and triggered a industrywide mass extinction event https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/the-digital-media-bubble-is-bursting-thats-hurting-a-generation-of-promising-young-journalists/2018/12/03/d7887d30-f6f2-11e8-8c9a-860ce2a8148f_story.html

#1yrago Yes, It’s Censorship https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/04/yes-its-censorship/

It's EFF's Power Up Your Donation Week: this week, donations to the Electronic Frontier Foundation are matched 1:1, meaning your money goes twice as far. I've worked with EFF for 22 years now and I have always been - and remain - a major donor, because I've seen firsthand how effective, responsible and brilliant this organization is. Please join me in helping EFF continue its work!

[yayforocs]

Ohhhhhhhhhh My God okokok i'm going to be unpacking a lot here and i'm. oh my goodness i'm so excited there's stuff here i FORGOT about!!!!!! never posted anywhere would have been lost forever if i hadn't saved it on this flash drive!!!!!

OLD UNPOSTED ART LET'S GO (pt 1) (yes i'm doing multiple parts bc u can only post 30 images per post)

ohhhhhh man oh man ok i'm looking through and checking on like Each And Every One Of These to make sure they're not actually posted anywhere and m a n

ALRIGHT, cranking the clock alllll the way back to the start of my main blog, july 2012!!!

God ok this is fanart for a slamacow video, it's the like one music video he made :VVV good ol Cube Land!!

shadow of israphel!!!!!! what a series, my brother and i still quote a few lines from it. i actually did draw quite a lot more SoI fanart that never got posted, i'll have to go digging around and see if i can find it.... BUT atl now i know like!! timestamp for when i drew all that!!!

moving on to august 2012!

herobrine in a cloak ig

dklsfjsd did i not feel like drawing regular clothes or.

september 2012!!

genuinely i don't remember if i traced this over my laptop screen or if i just copied it down bc i was pretty good at just like lookin at stuff and replicating it, but it's erza from fairy tail!

october 2012 :V

i opened up a requests thread on the craftedmovie forums, and lookin back it looks like i only ever posted one of them, wack

so here's the rest!

we've got a gamzee makara! we've got 'a brown haired girl (brown eyes may have also been specified? i don't quite remember but i'm p sure brown haired girl was) standing next to fluttershy'! who i actually, since no other specifics on the girl were given, drew to be the protag from the animation Crayon Dragon! and then the third one is the requester, trixomaniac, sitting on a rainbow :VV

november 2012!

we've got more requests!

first one was i don't remember if it was just 'chicken man' or actually the requester's (gafloff was the name) skin but the request was for the person to be holding a butter sword standing over a zombie piglin or something along those lines :V i had no context of skydoesminecraft so i remember being very confused like. why a sword made out of butter XD

and then the second is shadowflare86, holding a gun pointing at the viewer :V whiCH! i had no idea how to draw so i did my best to imitate a pose from this wonderful animation called Serenade to Miette

...looking at this now tho i think it just looks like it could be a fantastic reaction image klshdg

speaking of

i also. did this? i don't remember any context for it tho, i think it may have been another one of the requests?

on to the next folder! here we skip december, then looks like i've posted everything in january, then there's no february folder, so on to march 2013!

starting out strong with this one lskdfjs

so i did actually post like the big middle drawing there, but it was posted before i colored, and also before i drew the other stuff on the page, but yes cue the homestuck art >:J starting with some runawaystuck fanart (and actually i know i added in a little jade and karkat to that page at some point, not sure if i scanned it again later after i added them or not)

copied the talksprites for funsies :V rip jade ig

ohohohoho i don't even remember what the context for this one was but i do definitely remember that i had fun with it X)

OH RIGHT THIS ONE YES IT'S NOT HOMESTUCK BUT!!

FAIRY QUEEN LADY!! THE ORIGINAL DRAWING OF HER!! she was based on a Really Funky Graph i made one time messing around with inputs:

i had a sliding phone so that's unfortunately as good a picture as it's gonna get bc i don't think i can recreate it 😅

april 2012!

cleverbot doodles! kldsfjs i found the post i'd made of the colored drawing i did, and saw in the tags that i'd said ''#website characters #yeah i think there's a name for it but idk what it is'' gijinka friend. the word you are looking for is gijinka

and i had a lot of fun with this gijinka :V

GOD SS PAINT!!!! i think i never posted this bc i was worried it looked too much like he was choking her skdlfj

-oh wow this is. this picture is a lot smaller than i thought it was. slkdfj. anyway another that i can't remember if it's a trace or a replication but it's a yellow from the pokespe manga! please go read it if u haven't it's so so so good

skip to july 2013!

i'm like 90% certain this is a replication. but there's still a 10% of uncertainty. regardless, it's de nam from final fantasy crystal chronicles!

next up is august 2013 :V

ib time ib time

i doodled an au where garry was also a kid :V i think we (mogi and i) also joked around about like. a teenager au? they're both teens? i don't think any doodles came of it tho

october 2013, featuring doodles i know i drew in july bc i remember drawing them sldkfjds oh well

these are a bunch of random ocs i came up with as like. a. ok it's not like a homestuck au bc it doesn't involve any of the comic characters in any way but this was a group of ocs i came up with that played through their own version of sburb and. everyone died but one person. i never came up with names or anything for any of them, it's literally like just what is there visible on the paper is all i had for them 😅 i'm p sure i redrew these guys a few years later, but i don't think i ever scanned it.

-ah i cannot upload any more, let me. multi-part this.

[enigma-absolute]

when u get this u have to answer with 5 things u like about yourself, publicly. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite mutuals (non-negotiable, positivity is cool!)

Both you and @choasuqeen had sent me this at roughly the same time, so I guess I’m gonna have to answer this with ten things instead, which is fine!

I was able to cut, sew and stitch on a collar on to my Steve shirt in time to wear it out to my local convention with Blue in hand! Here's one of many photos!

2. Still can't believe I'm saying this, but I managed to rope in three friends to help me sing a cover of 'The Rainbow Connection' for a friend's belated birthday present. I genuinely still listen to it because... wow. It genuinely made both my friend and I tear up when we listened to it together over discord.

(And honestly, we could all do with a bigger choir together...)

3. I'm actually kinda proud of how far my art's come since I started keeping sketchbooks. Looking at the shelf on my right from 2019 to now (though I started in 2013), it's nuts how much I've drawn in those years.

4. On the topic of sewing and sketchbooks, I'm actually kinda surprised I still have bookbound my own sketchbooks, and now they sit in wait to be used someday, ready and waiting in their drawers until I choose the next to go ham with.

5. ...oh my god I still can't fully grasp the weight of having written my show's complete pilot episode, complete since last year for Honours. I know I usually talk and think about it in a very light manner, but dude! I have LORE for that story in SEVERAL notebooks, building and retconning and rewriting as I've gone. I did that??? I DID that?????!!!!!

6. If I really like someone international and online (PLATONICALLY), I'm the kind of woman to mail them physical gifts. The fact that I've sent so much mail and have a minor hoarde of envelopes and sealing wax should say something. This only comes at a certain level of closeness though, since, well, of course. You don't go exchanging physically addresses that easily.

7. Something I hadn’t noticed myself until someone had pointed it out to me is that I’m very outwardly silly in front of my friends. And why shouldn’t I be, I love it! I love that I can say or do something that can make my friends laugh; that I have the lack of care to just do a family guy death pose in a video games shop, get a lab coat for a Beaker Bit, or even have the dumbest grin and cackle while everyone else is done at another dad joke I can think of on the spot.

8. It’s hard to believe it now, but me ten years ago on this hellsite didn’t really have two cares about fashion aside from emulating her idol at the time. Now? I’ve developed some tastes and aesthetics, and while I still have a way to keep growing, I’ve found multiple styles and dream outfits and even outfits I own that not only work in comfort, but also style. Velvet green flared pants? Gold jeans? Bright blue overcoat? Vests? YES.

9. Now that I think about it, I’m… actually kind of impressed with my range of voice acting and impressions? Yes it’s very silly and often for the bit, but I’ve had people compliment my Kermit the Frog voice before, and even if I can’t reach the octave Columbo is at, I can still do the vibes.

10. This is off the back of having a psychology appointment recently, but... I'm kinda proud of how far I've come, honestly. From a lost and lonely and scared girl stuck in NZ to someone about to get a teacher's aide job (hopefully, pray for me y'all!) at her old school's sister school for kids on the spectrum - WITH a Bachelor's and Honours in Animation. In Australia. Who would've thought? I sure didn't. But now I'm here.

[trueoathbreaker]

Im watching a video on mmos and i wanted to talk about my experiences with the genre for the past like 2 decades

I first got into mmos with toontown back when it was all over tv

My parents paid for an account for me and my sibling to share and my dad had his own account

I played a whole bunch of toontown but i avoided a lot of things....i was barely in double digits....stuff like cog buildings and the factory (back when there was like...1) scared me...heck i still tend to avoid them when i go back to ttr (and bc i have zero social skills so i suffer in solo)

My first TRUE mmo was maplestory....i never got far tho i leveled up a few times and got to like the elf area and had someone try to trade me but again i was just a confused 11 year old at the time....idk how mmos work! I still played them!

Theres a bunch of mmos id get into during middle school and into hs but never for too long....i was like a grandma with a cell phone....idk what im doing im just hitting things and running around the first area

I have a friend who id play some of these with back then but even then i didnt know what i was doing

At this point in my life and its only been 28 years of being alive....most of these memories are fuzzy...

I remember always being magic classes until i got one with a gunner...i thought wow thats cool!

My friend always did way more in these games than i did....

And then there was one particular mmo....i had gotten into with a different friend in hs....

Tera

Now my first jump into tera was short lived (in 2013) bc i had a laptop not made to play such a demanding game and i barely saw past lumbertown for years. I shelved tera and had a small burst of playing mmos during this time from new to old

For....whatever reason i dont remember

My previous friend got me to hop back into tera in 2015

And that

Was the start of my true mmo years

Every other mmo i clueless played barely getting anywhere for a few months to playing talesrunner a few times to whatever mmo i wanted to try that gave me a virus once and i very shakily saved my computer from it (probably)

Didnt matter

Here we are back in tera 2 years later and its all different and would only get more different the more i played....i deleted the like 3 characters i had barely used bc their names were trash and i made a new archer named deed

And we had a blast (and i had a third friend join us for some time but we dont talk about him anymore ok ok)

I dont remember how or when

But i had found an mmo coming soon with a closed beta upcoming

Blade and soul

My first time playing blade and soul.....was awful

I was on yet another laptop that could not handle the game....i gave up at the first world boss area bc i had worn the pvp outfit not knowing it was a pvp outfit (whoops) and was basically stun locked into death by strangers bc my poor computer was too slow to handle it

Despite that i bought the founders pack and walked back into the earthern realm with my blade dancer magmia

Who i promptly disgarded to play with my friend on iksnanun

And seeliewood was born

And the rest they say

Is mostly recorded on this blog for your viewing pleasure

Blade and soul to this day is still one of the best experiences ive had in an mmo despite it all despite the games jank despite it taking me months to actually DO non story content bc i had new friends who dragged me with them besides doing the first two dungeons over ans over bc i was a scared baby of 20something despite the absolutely wild people ive met and friendships lost and stupid things ive said and done and times i got my butt kicked by mushin

Its about my friends still letting me try the scary raid with them after i have an embarrassing meltdown down in front of them and a bunch of strangers

Its sitting down for hours in a dungeon just to talk bc no one is gonna yell at us to get out

Its watching a whole raid stop and watch a rare item vanish bc one of u thinks its the ugliest outfit in the world and she paid us to throw it out

Its roping people in to farm pirate princess or black ice for months until they finally drop

Its not about reaching the best gear to do the newest raid that kills you for looking at it funny

Its about a game that introduced me to my gf @shironuri

And while i have had a lot of other mmos following some lasting longer than others including a third return to tera

Most are short lived

I don't stay as hooked on some mmos or i fall back into my rapid pick up and put down way of playing games in general

Many mmos are shutting down or mobile only or have specs past my nearly 10 year old pc that i do not have the money to replace

I'm back to staying away from socializing and many of my friends have moved on or have no time for these games anymore (or they're all in ff14 which i technically own but.... you know)

So many mmos i played only a few years ago are just gone or out of my computers power to play (id love to try and get pso2 to work again but i only played on jp and that takes a HUGE amount of time to set back up)

On that note i realize there's a lot of games i play that should go on this blog but i just haven't

Like other social sims

Yall want my vrchat screens??? Eh probably not theres like 2 active followers yall probably see this on my main enough

[strobarium]

big on introspective, ambient downtempo? come with me...

"History" from Sonic Mega Collection (& Plus)

... FUCK. FUUUUUCKING HELL.

i don't remember the exact year i got introduced to Sonic Mega Collection Plus (the PS2 version, since that's the console that only dominated my kid years) but it was a constant force of good in my early years. being able to play that many sonic games just freely (on top of other games that werent sonic games but were by the same devs) was so fucking nice. but the menu shit was just. something else to me-they put so much care and effort into the presentation of games!!! like the journey TO playing was even a nice comfy ride! so CASH. i miss THIS sega so much. what an era. damn.

many a memory playing this shit or watching it get played either in my shared bedroom w/ my older brother or in the upstairs living room w/ mom and/or grandma watching (this sonic shit ran in the family pmuch LOL my parents n grandma got into em before we did). one of my fondest memories regarding it was my i think, longest-running active friend lyko/khaliq seeing my i think oldest sibling playing S3&K (one of the greatest. games of all time by the way) and beating it. bro saw the ending cutscene and was Flabbergasted w how cool it was, already riding off the high (that i was also riding off of) watching Doomsday Zone get played. SUPER, FUCKING HYPE. LOL. amazing shit. the collection is worth it for it having That Alone but also THERES SO MUCH COOL SHIT ON IT!

YEAH!!! ... i'm glad i can listen to this normally again.

this was one of many songs i just couldn't put on and sit through after the 2013 event happened and my life got fucked into a hole. it was exhausting and would just leave me really depressed. things are at least different now, over 10 years later, i can enjoy this n sorta feel like a kid again healthily, i guess. its nice.

reminds me of something

.

so one thing abt the PS2s we did have (there were two, two slim models), shit was just Faulty after long enough. one basically picked and choosed games it wanted to run (that or the CDs were fucked up or...idk) and the other you had to like. induce pressure on the disk drive part to get games to run properly?... it was weird.

WELL, SOMEHOW, through basic i guess DIY shit or whatever, at one point (post-2013 event) i got the fucking console working! AND I GOT SONIC MEGA COLLECTION PLUS WORKING TOO! blast from the ...actually not at all distant PAST! it was cool being in the menu again hearing the music and goin around and looking at all the extras and stuff. seeing sonic n his friends just always makes me happy.

I BOOTED UP S3&K FOR OLD TIMES SAKE CAUSE OF COURSE I DID! HYDROCITY ZONE!!! ONE OF MY FAV VIDEO GAME SONGS EVER i was having SO Much.... fun...

slow, burn. realization. i was alone.

reliving hella cool shit but it was just me. older brother was off doing whatever the hell (not like i wanted to summon him anyway he was kind of fucking just...idk), and oldest sibling was just kind of, across the fucking country so i couldnt hit them up either. the finite nature of what i considered the most joyous period of my life i wasnt prepared to interface with and it just fucking, stabbed me so gradually i didnt even notice the pain onset somehow until it was too late. fuck. regardless of me doing what i did, that part of my life was still over. trying to recapture the magic just made me ever more aware that i had lost it, i guess. it was tough.

i, shut the game off, silently, go downstairs to my moms room and just, talk to her a little about how i. got it working. i just, lay on her bed next to her and i just. i start crying. for a while. not loud sobbing just. idk. quiet weeping. idk.

...

things are different now, is what matters. lot i've recovered from, but i do still miss playing it with my siblings. shrug. life goes on i guess.

~ E.K.S.G.