#my friend sent me this and i had to share

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

🎉 Thank You for 10k+ Followers!! 🎉

A big thank you goes out to @cozymochi for this beautiful celebratory commissioned artwork for this major milestone ✨ It really captures the scope of all the content that had been put out in the last 4+ years—both in terms of official Twst materials and on this blog! I think it’s very fitting that we hit this milestone in the month of Halloween too (I just held off on posting this til the month after); it’s Twst’s biggest holiday of the year, so it’s twice the cause for celebration!!

A lot has happened over the course of my time in this fandom. I’ve written many things of course, but I’ve also had many other exciting opportunities! I’ve been interviewed for a paper, met many cool people from all over the world, attended Twst meetups + events, collaborated with other talented creators, received kind gifts, contributed to various fandom projects, and finished telling the origins of my Twst OC. This blog has been with me through a lot of major changes and difficult hurdles in my life too—it’s really been an anchor for me, a comforting and safe space for me to be creative or analytical whenever I want to be.

When I first started this blog as a very casual hobby in summer of 2020, I never even considered that it would balloon to this extent. It still doesn’t feel totally real to me 😭 I don’t usually fixate on numbers (they make me anxious), but looking back on it, 10k is a LOT, and 4 years is a long time. To put that in perspective, if we were in Twisted Wonderland for 4 years then all of the students we’ve come to know and love would have graduated by now. That’s crazy to me. We’ve come so far as a group.

I feel that a large part of fandom is the community that comes with it. I would have found it so challenging to stick with Twst had I not had so many great people keeping me engaged with it. I’d now like to take a moment to thank those folks. Keeping in line with the idea of “4 years”, think of these as little messages scrawled in a yearbook. I also have a blog event planned to celebrate! More on that later.

Please note that I’ve used pseudonyms for most of the following people, as I’d like to respect their privacy (I’m very private myself) + not all of them are comfortable with being explicitly named or tagged to a large crowd. You’ll know who you are if you see yourself on here.

Without further ado:

MSS — Thank you for being the first Twst space I felt truly a part of. It’s still the place I consider my fandom “home” beyond this blog.

April — Thank you for making MSS as a place for us to share! We’re tsunderes in solidarity.

Drinking Knight — The banners wouldn’t exist without your help. Thanks for getting the ball rolling on those; I’d like to think that I’m a little more confident in designing new ones myself now, but you were the start of it all. Your endless enthusiasm for the most insane otome boys, drinks, and bullying (positive) others is truly an inspiration.

Q. Opinionated — Can’t count the number of times you ran tech support for me 💀 Thanks so much for being patient and willing to laugh at a stupid situation. I WILL grip you (escape is not an option) 🤲

Dad with his Printer — Why are you so cheeky My unofficial proofreader and fact checker. Still treasure the teeny J word and coffin magnets you sent, and, even more valuable than those, the bad dad jokes/puns advice and wisdom you give. Wishing you luck on your art adventure.

A. Cider — An unexpected friend I met very late into the fandom and happened to run into irl by total coincidence. Funny how life works. Your shitposts are great, and I appreciate having a like-minded person to talk with about the J words and story critiques. I’d also like to thank you for the many little doodles you’ve made; I know you’re very busy and have a wife to tend to at home but I appreciate that you still make time for friends.

Hana — Extroverted pink-haired magical girl representation. Your bubbly love for Disney, Diasomnia, singing, and (yes) angst lights up the entire room. Maybe you’re not too confident with yourself are right now, but I know you’ll find your way.

Swan — For being quick on the uptake and giving me the heads up about various things! We may not talk much one-on-one, but I’m thinking of you and enjoy seeing you pitch into the conversation. You’re still banned for L*ona posting though/j

Ly — My secret French twin/j Thanks for being my cultural + equine advisor and a voice of (salty) reason. Never shut up about your hyperfixations! You’re a real one.

Oys — Enabler + encourager of my Yan!Sil delusions. Sorry for making your blood pressure spike every time we talk about our food takes. But hey, at least we get a good laugh out of it :))

Mac and Bean — For being my inspirations. Bean, you have such atmospheric writing. I hope my writing style can be just as magical as yours. Mac, it was your blog that first got me into starting my own Twst writing. You never stop being so, so funny also I blame you 120% for the L*ona rot.

Peaches and Cream — To my local Twst friends, thanks for keeping me company even through the hard times. Peaches, happy to be your local Twst dealer anytime. Cream, thanks for hooking me up with new books.

Salt and Flora — I don’t know where you vanished to, but the sea brought you back to me on its tides. I’m so happy we could meet again. Salt, you’re so talented at crochet and design work; get your coin 😂 Flora, you’re the sweetest person ever. Literally cottagecore personified, even in your art.

Piano — We don’t always see eye to eye, but thank you for being my serial debater and showing me new perspectives. Your open-minded theories and analyses are such fun. And, of course, it’s always hilarious to think about how we accidentally (?) swapped oshis 🤡 You’re a star.

The Anklebiter — For having the most unhinged jokes and ideas. Seriously, THE most unhinged. I never do any of the crazy things you suggest but I’m always really entertained from just hearing them.

Te, Mi, and Ro — Thanks for organizing local events and giving me an excuse to touch grass. It’s a lot of hard work and you guys manage to pull it off every time! Mi, I was flattered to have you reach out to me to help a little with the Tweel cupsleeve event. Happy to help anytime! Te, I remember you were cosplaying as Kalim when we first met and I kept thinking about how perfectly suited you are for the role. You were very friendly and made such an effort to include everyone in the event even when I was Idia-ing in the corner. To this day, you continue to spontaneously introduce me to new people 😂 Thanks for getting me put of my comfort zone. Ro, I didn’t think we’d meet again like this. Small world! You’re learning and improving the big events. Here’s hoping to many more!

Vic — For being Ace Trappola when very few others would. It’s refreshing to have someone tell it like it is. I wish I could be as bold and as honest as you are sometimes. You have such a big heart when it comes to the characters you love; it makes me want to adore them like you do too 🫶

Kana — For being so sweet and patient. You helped me through so many rough patches and have also contributed a lot to the look of the blog. It’s so fun gushing with you about magical girls and pretty boys, sharing our favorite shows and movies… I feel as though I’ve made a lifelong friend.

Zari — Thank you for charms and art book, big fan of your stuff 😭 So honored to have worked with you on projects too. I hope to see a lot more of your Yuu and other OCs around, I love following them ^^

Lala — You understand, encourage, and validate my weird tastes in fictional men 💕 Really admire your sense of fashion and stylish nails too. Whenever I have my shrimp apron on, I think of you.

Arisu — No longer in the Twst fandom but integral in the earliest days. Wherever you are now, I wish you nothing but happiness.

P-san — You’re a lifesaver!! Thank you so much for helping me find cute little outfits and accessories for my plushies… They are forever grateful to be properly clothed.

V, Fa, Fe, Ray, Rea, Sonny, Glimmer Group, and Incognito Crew — Thanks for being so supportive of my hyperfixation on Disney villain anime boys, even if you guys have NO clue what I’m rambling about half of the time. To V specifically 🫵 I am NOT a cat boy kisser

Mango — I didn’t know I wanted you in my life until you showed up uninvited one day and chewed your way into my heart.

Azul Ashengrotto — For being the character that first convinced me into giving this game a shot. The Little Mermaid was something I always held so dear to me, so it almost seems like destiny that you’d be the one to drag me down into Twst. You’ll always hold a special place in my heart for that, even if my feelings have changed since then.

Rook Hunt — For being there when I needed to laugh a little. It’s scary to glance over my shoulder sometimes, but you make it easier to smile as I look back.

Rollo Flamme — For letting me know that having negative feelings is normal and human, even if we don’t always cope with them in the healthiest of ways. Let’s reflect and be better together!

Leona Kingscholar — For showing me that change and personal growth is, in fact, possible. Th-This doesn’t mean I like you or anything though, so get off your high horse—

Jade Leech — For taking my hand and guiding me back on the path when I got lost in the dark. Whatever crimes you may commit in your free time, I forgive you/j

Miss Raven Crowley — The little black bird who could, the blog muse. I made you on a whim and look at where you are now… You went from a background character to the main character of your own story. So proud of you, my child 😭

Asset compilers, fan artists, fanfic writers, fan translators, cosplayers, merch makers, editors, plushie pic takers, video essayists, theorizers, etc. — You’re all so important to keeping the fandom alive, especially during periods of official content drought. It wouldn’t be feasible for me to list out all of the content creators I enjoy (chjsbsksks and it honestly might be awkward since I haven’t directly interacted with most of them), but I hope that this message still reaches you and finds you well. Keep doing your thing; I love seeing the work you put out ^^

Anyone and everyone that I’ve ever commissioned and/or received fan works from — I appreciate that you took time and energy out of your day to create something for me. There’s so much talent in the Twst fandom and I’m honored that you would dedicate some of that to a silly little birb.

You, the Readers — For supporting this blog and and what I do here! You’re an important part of my journey too.

Thank you!! Here’s to a future unknown and a page unwritten.

- The Writing Raven

[huntfeld]

Doctor's Orders

Pairing: Tara Carpenter x Reader

Summary: Tara visits the ER after punching Gale, where her longtime friend and doctor tends to her injured hand, and their undeniable chemistry grows stronger.

———

The ER was quieter now, the usual chaos of the night shift slowly winding down. You were just finishing up some paperwork when a familiar face appeared by the entrance. Tara Carpenter. She was leaning slightly to one side, her hand cradled against her chest. You could tell she was trying to hide the wince on her face.

You raised an eyebrow, crossing your arms. “So, let me guess,” you said with a smirk. “You finally gave Gale Weathers a piece of your mind?”

Tara met your gaze, a sheepish grin tugging at her lips. “Let’s just say I may have thrown a punch… and my hand is paying the price for it.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, your eyes glinting with amusement. “Tara Carpenter throwing a punch? I’m shocked,” you teased, stepping closer. “Alright, come on. Let’s get that hand checked out.”

“Can’t believe you’re going to play doctor with me again,” she muttered, rolling her eyes, but you both knew she wasn’t pulling away. It was typical Tara—tough on the outside, but softening in front of you. She trusted you in a way she didn’t with most people, and that had always made your connection different.

As you led her down the hallway, you couldn't ignore the tension that lingered between you. It had always been there—subtle at first, then growing more obvious with every lingering touch, every shared laugh, every stolen glance. You both danced around it, not fully acknowledging it, but it was always there.

You guided her into a small, private exam room, the sterile lights overhead contrasting with the warmth of her presence. She hopped up onto the exam table, wincing slightly as her hand flared in pain.

“Let’s get this over with, Doctor,” she said, trying to act unaffected, but her eyes softened as she looked at you.

“Trust me, I take my job very seriously,” you replied, unable to hide the playful grin tugging at your lips. You grabbed an ice pack and carefully pressed it against her bruised knuckles. Her breath hitched at the cool pressure, but she didn’t pull away.

“Doesn’t look too bad,” you said, gently inspecting her hand. The way her fingers curled around yours, though, sent a wave of warmth through you. It was hard to ignore the way she looked at you, her gaze flickering from your eyes to your lips, as if the world outside the room had disappeared.

“Good thing you’re here,” she murmured, her voice soft, teasing. “I might’ve been forced to go to someone else if you didn’t show up.”

You smiled, noticing the way her cheeks flushed slightly at the hint of something more in her tone. “Well, I’m honored you trust me to take care of you,” you said, keeping your voice light. But as you finished adjusting the ice pack, your hand lingered near hers, the touch lingering a little longer than necessary.

There was a moment of silence—an almost electric stillness in the room. You both stared at each other, the air heavy with something unspoken, something that had always been there, but neither of you had been brave enough to acknowledge.

“You know, it’s not just anyone I’d let touch me like that,” Tara said, breaking the silence. She was half-smiling now, her eyes dancing with mischief.

You laughed, leaning closer without thinking. “Well, you’re lucky I’m a good doctor then,” you teased. You could feel the heat rising between you both, the playful banter transforming into something else entirely. There was something raw in her eyes now, something that mirrored the unspoken tension that had been brewing between you for so long.

She shifted slightly on the table, her breath hitching as she took a step closer. “Maybe you’re not just a good doctor, though,” she whispered, voice barely above a breath. “Maybe I need a different kind of prescription.”

Before you could respond, Tara’s hand reached up, gently cupping your cheek, her thumb brushing against your skin. For a second, time seemed to slow as your heart skipped a beat. You could feel her breath on your lips, warm and soft, a gentle pull drawing you closer.

And then, without warning, she closed the distance.

Her lips were soft against yours, tentative at first, but the moment they touched, the world seemed to fall away. It wasn’t rushed, but it wasn’t shy either. It was a kiss full of everything you’d both been holding back for so long. Tara’s hand slid to the back of your neck, pulling you closer, deepening the kiss as she tilted her head, her body leaning into yours.

When she finally pulled back, both of you were breathless, your faces flushed. Tara was smiling, but there was a vulnerability in her eyes that wasn’t there before.

“Well,” she murmured, her voice low and teasing, “guess I’m not just here for the medical attention anymore.”

You laughed softly, brushing a strand of hair from her face. “I’m not complaining.”

She gave you a sly smile, one that said she was both relieved and excited. “Maybe next time I need a different kind of treatment, Doctor. Something a little less… clinical.”

“Careful,” you teased, your voice dropping slightly, “I’m very good at what I do.” You squeezed her hand gently, and she looked up at you, her expression softening.

“Maybe I’ll take you up on that,” she said quietly, her smile turning tender.

The air between you two was different now, charged with a new understanding. Something had shifted, something that couldn’t be undone. You were no longer just friends, no longer just patient and doctor—you were something more.

And neither of you were in any rush to figure it all out right away.

“I’ll be here when you need me,” you said softly, brushing your lips against her forehead, lingering just for a second.

Her eyes sparkled, and she squeezed your hand. “I think I’m already starting to figure that out.”

You smiled, your heart racing in a way it hadn’t before. It was a moment that had always been waiting to happen, and now that it had, you couldn’t imagine anything else.

———

[act-nat-ural]

First Sight

@dira333: what if you're related or friends with the Miya twins and they accidentally or not set you up with someone on the msby roster? Meian is really cute if you know the manga, but there's also Sakusa, Hinata or Bokuto

word count: 1782

Osamu had already closed Miya Onigiri for the day, yet his two favorite moochers were still sitting at a booth consuming his food for free. He sighs, having already locked the doors, and put the chairs on top of the tables. He takes a seat next to Atsumu and joins your guys’ conversation. “I’m just sayin’,” Atsumu starts, “If yer so lonely, go out an’ meet someone. It's not that hard.”He finishes his sentence by taking a gigantic bite. He nods to himself like he made a great point, though you and Osamu are giving him side eyes. 

“And how would ya know that? Ya haven’t gone on a date in over three months.” You point out.

Osamu snorts and adds, “Last relationship I remember you cryin’ like a baby, saying’ that ya would never love again.” 

Atsumu scoffs and mumbles a “Shuddup!” while you let out a deep sigh and rest your head on the cool surface of the table. “It's not fair.” You whine. “I've got like, no love life. Why don’t ya set me up with yer hot friends?” 

They share a look for a minute, then at the same time say “No.” You scoff and slam a hand on the table. 

“Why the hell not!” 

Osamu raises his hands in defense while Atsumu enters ‘big brother mode’. “Yer our only sister, and I love ya too much to set ya up with the idiots I call friends. Yer too good for them!” You roll your eyes but he continues. “Omi probably has some secret girlfriend already, Shoyo only thinks about volleyball, and Koutaro’s.. Well, he's.. I dunno. But I don’t trust them with ya!”

You groan and give Osamu a pleading look. “Please?” He gives you a deadpan look.

“It's a hard no. I’d have to kill Rintaro if he even looked at ya wrong.” You groan and throw your hands in the air.

“Gimme a break! I’m a grown woman, I can handle myself.” They both burst into laughter, so you kick Atsumu under the table.

“Owch! Hey!” 

–

You were watching a movie at home by yourself when you heard your phone start to buzz. You glance away from the screen to see ‘Samu’ in bold letters pop up on your phone. You pause the move and check the text he sent you.

Samu: Hey. You still looking for a date?

Your eyes widen and you start to squeal. “Yes! ‘Samu for the win.” You start to celebrate prematurely when your phone buzzes again. 

Samu: I have an idea but Tsumu wouldn’t like it lolol

Your smile drops and you grab the phone to respond.

You: what does that even mean…

Samu: Sooo have you ever met his team before?

You: no, I’ve met Kiyoomi but only briefly. why?? who are you thinking of?? Omg 

Samu: that desperation is exactly what made me think of him LMAO

You gasp in offense and angrily respond, 

You: WTF DOES THAT MEAN 

Samu: anyway! 🙂 I was thinking of inviting some of the team to my place for dinner or something, you wanna come? you can’t tell Tsumu you’re coming though or he'd throw a fit or smth.

You chew on your lip in thought. On one hand, you really want to meet someone. On the other, if it ends up not working out, it could really make things awkward for your brother and his friends. You pause. He’ll be fine.

You: I'll be there :) love you!

Meanwhile, Osamu sighs and leans back against the headboard. “She better not say I never do anything for her. Hmph.”

Samu: love you too 🙄

–

Osamu was drying his hands when he heard the doorbell ring. “Comin’.” He opens the door and there stands Atsumu, Kiyoomi, Shoyo, and Kotaro. Atsmu gives a cheeky grin, holding up a case of beer. “I come bearing gifts.” Koutaro blinks in confusion. “But I bought it-” “Shush.”

Osamu moves aside so they can all come in. “No one else comin’?” Kiyoomi shakes his head. “Shugo was going to but he got caught up with something. The rest all had other arrangements.” Osamu nods in understanding. Shoyo immediately beelines for the kitchen. “What smells so good? I’m starving!” Kiyoomi furrows his brows stating, “You ate the whole way here.”

Just then, the doorbell rings again. This time there is no need to open the door, because you just so happen to have a key. “Hello!” You stroll in like you own the place. Osamu has to fight to hold his laugh in when he sees the look on Atsumu’s face. 

“I didn’t know what to bring so I just brought cookies. I think I burnt them though.” You mumble. Kiyoomi gives you a nod in acknowledgment as you set the platter of charred baked goods on the counter. “Soo… are ya gonna introduce me?”

“Samu. What is she doing here?” Atsumu chokes out. You scoff.

 “I’m literally standing right here.”

“What? I can’t invite our own sister to my apartment?” Osamu gives an innocent shrug. 

“This was supposed to be a guys night!” Atsumu complains childishly. 

Shoyo pipes in, “I don’t mind! The more people the better. Right, Bokuto? ….Bokuto?”

–

If you had asked Koutaro then, he would have sworn he had never seen a more beautiful girl. The moment you walked in the door it was like he lost all of the air in his chest. He almost texted Keiji to ask what a heart attack felt like. His heart thumped in his chest and he could feel his hands start to get sweaty. Pretty girl. I’m not good around pretty girls. 

He didn’t even realize that he was being spoken to until Shoyo poked his arm. “Huh? Wha? Oh- Yes. Stay. Please.” Everyone just kind of stares at him for a moment before moving on. He accidentally stares at you while you get introduced to Shoyo, yet you don’t notice till Atsumu tries introducing him. You give a shy smile and a wave, and that's all he needs to see to know that he's a goner. 

–

You had never taken a good look at Koutaro Bokuto before this, and boy do you wish you had. Everything about him had you feeling weak in the knees. He was very built, taking up a large portion of the sofa that he was sitting on. You had snuck a glance at his back while walking in and Jesus. That man was built like a Greek god. His golden eyes seemed to never leave your figure, and he kept giving you a dopey smile. You give a small smile back and wave, hoping you don’t make a fool of yourself. Later, you swore you saw Osamu give you a thumbs up, but he denies it.

Everyone else flocks to the kitchen to start getting something to eat, yet you and Koutaro stay behind. You hesitantly sit down beside him, a few feet away. You both give sheepish smiles directed at the other, not sure what to say. Just then, Osamu comes back. “Darn. We’re out of soy sauce. Koutaro, (Name), do ya guys mind going to the market and grabbing some?” He says, not very convincingly. 

Shoyo gives him a confused look and starts, “But there was some-” 

“Shush.”

Koutaro immediately shoots up from his seat. “Yeah, we can get it!” He gives you a beaming smile and you can’t help but return in. He lends you a hand up from the sofa, practically bouncing with excitement. “We’ll be back soon.” Osamu gives you a wink and pats your back. 

“Take your time.”

You and Koutaro are silent for a while as you walk to the nearest market. You notice that while his strides are larger than yours, he slows his pace to match yours. He shoves his hands in his pockets and takes a glance around

“So, what do you do for fun?” He turns and asks suddenly. You hum in thought.

 “I guess I hang out with my brothers a lot. I watch movies alone sometimes. Work has kept me busy recently, so I haven’t been doing much recently.” He nods in understanding.

He clears his throat before inquiring, “You don’t watch movies with your boyfriend?” 

You smile and shake your head, laughing. “No, I don’t have one.” He stops walking and gawks at you.

 “Seriously?! You're single?!” You raise your eyebrows in surprise and nod slowly. 

“Yeah.. why? Is it that surprising?” He shakes his head yes enthusiastically. 

“I totally thought you’d be married or something, you're so pretty.”

You go quiet. “Really?”

“Yes! Really! Man, I thought I had like no shot.” He adds. You both freeze and look at each other wide eyed.

 “Huh?”

 “What?”

You sputter and point at him. “Ya just- ya said ya thought-” 

“I- well-!” You both stand on the sidewalk, fidgeting with your hands. He scratches his head and blushes. “Are you free tomorrow?” 

You had never said yes faster in your life.

– 

You two were dying of laughter, wiping your eyes from tears. “Man, I wish I had sisters.” You say. 

“Yeah, they're pretty cool.” He says matter of factly. You both had gotten sidetracked and never ended up going to the market. Currently, he and you were sitting on a pair of swings at a local park. Your phone buzzes softly and you apologize to him before checking it. 

Tsumu: where tf did you go 

You: don’t cockblock me <3

Tsumu: PARDON?

You click your phone to silent before turning back to Koutaro. “Now, where were we?”

–

It only took a few dates before he asked you to be his girlfriend. You agreed, of course. You would've said yes if he had asked the night you met, if you were honest. Atsumu begrudgingly gave Koutaro his blessing to propose a couple years into dating. Osamu was a bit offended that he didn't ask him, considering he was responsible for you two meeting.

Koutaro was terrible at keeping secrets, so he ended up proposing the second he got home after ring shopping. You felt a bit ambushed, having been washing dishes in unwashed pajamas, but it was still a definite yes.

Currently, Atsumu was walking up to the mic to give a speech during your wedding. You rest your head on Koutaro’s shoulder, and he intertwines your fingers. Atsumu pokes the microphone and the feedback screeches, bothering everyone.

“Ahem. Now, if anyone knows me, they know I love my sister. That, and I only want what's best for her. That having been said, I would like a ‘thank you’ for this marriage, considering it was my idea to get ya together.”

“Liar!”

note: i just realized i keep writing the twins shushing people lol. Bokuto is so fun to write for 😭 he’s so silly

[hippolotamus]

Fuck it Friday 🎖️

i'm not honestly in the mood, but fuck it. amirite?

So @diazsdimples sends me an angsty ask for EddieTommy and it just... took on a life of it's own. Then there was more from @peppermintquartz and James (here and here) and now I feel like a 3-part series is gonna happen. (Eventually. Because I promised I would finish mer!Buck.) Allow me to introduce you. (and please feel free to ask me all the things about this because these 2 have taken over my brain to an unhelpful degree.)

Part 1 (with Moodboard!)

Eddie and Tommy meet in the throes of WW2. Tommy enlisted voluntarily but Eddie’s been drafted into it. They become fast friends with an underlying Something. Eddie worries when Tommy gets sent out with the bomber unit. Likewise, Tommy frets about Eddie being a medic and having to crawl through the front lines.

One night Eddie walks into an underground club that Tommy’s been frequenting. They share a dance and then much more than that. It leads to them conducting a secret relationship over the next several years, sustained by coded messages and risky meet ups. It's hell, but it's theirs.

Eventually, in the wake of surrenders and defeat, it’s time to go their separate ways. Eddie back to Texas and Tommy to California, wondering what happens next when the one beautiful thing to come out of the war has to be cast aside.

Part 1 is gonna be an angsty cliffhanger. Their story will pick up in Part 2 with Eddie and Tommy both trying to fit in and uphold societal expectations of the time (marriage, kids, white picket fence). They can pretend, it's what they've always had to do. It just becomes a whole lot more complicated when they unintentionally walk back into each other's lives.

np tagging (and lmk if you do or do not want to be tagged for this wip/ship) @diazsdimples @dorkydiaz @swiftiefirefighters @slightlyobsessedwitheverything @bucksbignaturals

@bi-buckrights @peppermintquartz @theotherbuckley @freewayshark @loveyouanyway

@tizniz @diazheartsbuckley @saybiwithme @daffi-990 @bidisasterevankinard

@spotsandsocks @dr-shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @stereopticons @kitteneddiediaz

@your-catfish-friend @lemonzestywrites @thekristen999 @rainbow-nerdss @steadfastsaturnsrings

@inell @bucksbiawakening @giddyupbuck @monsterrae1 @eowon

@rewritetheending and anyone else who wants to 😘

[junedenim]

2010

beneath the boardwalk, part 8 (series masterlist)

glass in the park

warnings: the usual...angst, fluff, smut, etc.

word count: 13k

In late January, I bought a fur coat. I don't know if it's real or faux because I still haven't determined the difference in feeling between the authentic and the fake but I thrifted it so there's no guilt if it is made out of a poor chinchilla or something. It carried a dramatic feeling with it. I would wear it all the time. Sometimes, I would go out on walks just to wear it. I'd walk from my apartment to Grand Central and take the subway back just to make sure people saw it.

Alex returned to touring around the same time. While I was in a dirty slush-filled New York, Alex was travelling through the coastal cities of France. I knew it was cold there too but I'm sure it was much more conventionally beautiful and I envied him at times when I came home and my socks were soaked through.

We tried to talk on the phone daily, but time zones were difficult. We promised one another to always call on Saturday mornings for me so if we missed previous days in the week, I would always be able to tell him about my work week on Saturday.

Alex seemed to have everything and nothing going on. He'd play shows, get drunk or high, play ping-pong, take pictures of the Belem Tower, and watch Mighty Mouse.

I was busy. I liked it. My work would sometimes be straightforward office work, sometimes I'd visit places to review, sometimes they sent me home early to test products out, and sometimes they had me stay late to review products. I had a group of friends that I went out drinking with on Fridays and it was social drinking, not drinking to get drunk. One night, I ordered a Shirley Temple and laughed about it on the subway ride home at the thought of my younger self seeing me: a sober girl taking the subway home alone from the bar. It was nice to finally like myself. Or at least who I was becoming.

In my empty time, I wrote autobiographical things. I sometimes sent things to Alex but I found my writing became more introspective and it wasn't details I wanted to share with him. I was fearful of why I felt the need to hide it, but I didn't even feel much like reading it.

My friend, Fennel (he hates his name too), said it came from an overprotective biological need that all women must hide things from men, even if they are loving and trusting. I didn't think so. I told him I trusted Alex more than I trusted myself. He told me that was the issue.

Fennel cultivated weed on the balcony of his apartment in Murray Hill. He had a boyfriend named Kaka, who was a former Chippendales stripper and currently worked for Goldman Sachs. Sometimes, when he got drunk enough he'd reenact a routine. They were both in their early 40s, shared a dog named Rooster, and, still to this day, had the most luxurious apartment I have ever seen.

The building had a disheveled front but inside they had an open floor plan, a kitchen that was larger than my apartment, and the glorious aforementioned balcony. Fennel was a creative director at Condé Nast and had taken a liking to me because of my crooked teeth and what he called my "gem��tlich" British accent.

I went over to their place nearly every week. They often had parties and I'd arrive in the early afternoon claiming to help them set up but I'd eat their fancy Bonilla a la Vista potato chips and play with Rooster. Their dinner parties were grandiloquent and their house parties were glamourously gauche.

One Sunday, I went over early through Fennel's insistence on dressing me. It was Pygmalion in a way or maybe I was the Edie Sedgwick to his Andy Warhol (I said this to him once and he took great offence because Warhol slept with Edie and he had no intention of taking advantage of me) but I quite liked it. I felt like a living doll and through his higher-up position and wealth, he was able to obtain fabulous pieces that he let me keep.

I walked around barefoot in their apartment wearing a Yohji Yamamoto (Fennel insulted me for not knowing who that was) white dress that flowed with every step I took while discussing Alex, who they had yet to meet.

"I can't believe you've been with him since you were 18." Kaka marvelled at this fact every time we talked about Alex.

"We had some brief pauses in there but yeah. You guys have been together for over a decade."

Fennel chuckled. "We were both in our 30s. It's quite the difference."

I sat on their black leather couch and leaned my head on the back of it. They were both setting the table. I was relaxing. "Yeah but isn't it hard at any age?"

"Sure but if I was still with the same person I was with at 18...well, that was a woman so it wouldn't count," Fennel laughed.

"Are you going to marry him?" Kaka asked. He was a complete romantic who would often say how much he loved love.

"I don't know. Maybe. I don't know if I ever want to get married."

"Independence?" Fennel questioned as he pulled out a wine bottle.

"Parents."

"Ah," he sighed.

"But I have a feeling they always hated each other. I've always loved Alex. Does that make me lovesick and annoying?" I turned my head to ask them.

"Yes, but it's admirable. You seemed to have picked the right one. Good looking, loyal, you talk about him so sweetly," Kaka praised.

"I sometimes wonder if he picked the right one." It wasn't a newfound concern. I always felt secure in my relationship with Alex, not so much in myself. Occasionally, the worry of whether he could do better than me peeked itself out, usually when he was away and I didn't have the physical reassurance.

"Hush!" Kaka told me. "Any woman is better than a man. Take it from me." He kissed me on my cheek and it was nice to feel so fabulous. Fennel let me keep the Yamamoto. I try it on whenever I feel insecure.

*

I got sick on Valentine's Day. I had been unscathed for too long and on the morning of Alex's return from Europe—Valencia, Spain to be specific—I woke up with the urge to vomit. So, I vomited. And when Alex arrived home, I was vomiting.

I heard his bag drop while I was keeling over the toilet. The clacking of his boots on our wood floors stopped at the tile of our bathroom as he said, "Jesus, are you okay?" He hesitated, surely disgusted, before kneeling on the floor beside me, rubbing my back.

I had emptied most of my stomach and was dry heaving mostly. I slumped against the wall, catching my breath. "Welcome home." I managed a faint smile and my sarcasm didn't cause any laughter from Alex.

His hand stroked my forearm. He still had his jacket on and I was in my pajamas. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I just woke up nauseated."

"Food poisoning?" He suggested as he stroked his thumb over my knee.

I shook my head. "No, no. I feel fine now."

I attempted to stand up but Alex held me down. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, yeah. I just need to lay down for a little." I slowly stood, reorienting myself.

Alex, still kneeling proposal-style, offered, "Alright. Do you want me to carry you?"

I laughed. "I can manage to walk five feet to the bedroom, Alex." I headed toward our unmade bed.

"I can manage to carry you five feet to the bedroom." He wanted to make sure I knew that.

I smiled and to placate his need to help I had him get me a glass of water. He returned, jacket- and shoeless, with my glass of water. I took a sip and placed it on the bedside table we found at the Grand Bazaar last December. Alex sat in front of me, taking my feet into his lap. "You think it's the flu?"

I shook my head and slumped back onto the pillows up against the headboard. "No, no. I feel fine and I don't have a fever."

"Hungover?" He smirked, poking fun.

"No," I mocked. "An upset stomach. I'm fine now. How have you been? How was the flight?"

"Fine," he quickly answered. "Did you eat anything this morning?"

I shook my head. "I'm fine," I insisted. "How are you?"

"Fine. Do you want me to get you something? Tea? Crackers?" He continued to pester.

"No. Can we talk about something else or else I might vomit on you?" I crossed my arms, frustrated with myself for ruining the morning, frustrated with him for continuing to ruin this reunion.

"I'm just concerned something might be wrong. Should we go to the doctor?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm fine. I know my own body. It was just a little morning bug."

His eyes shot up and wide looking straight at me as if he had just gotten an electric shock. "Do you think you could be...?"

I took my feet off his lap, criss-crossing them. "Oh, god, I'm not pregnant. Calm down."

"You sure? When was your last...you know?" He moved his hand up and down in front of his stomach.

I raised my eyebrows and laughed. "Period? What are you? A 12-year-old boy, you can't say the word?"

He sat awkwardly, a nervous look on his face. "No, it's just, you know..."

"I don't know and I don't know where this sudden weird behavior of yours is coming from." I sipped on the water and rolled my eyes behind my closed lids.

He reached out to rub my knee again. It was becoming rather annoying like a fly pestering you. "I'm concerned. That's all. So? When was it?"

I shrugged. "Like a month ago. I don't know."

He was bug-eyed and staring into my soul. "Well, are you late?"

"I don't keep track of that stuff." It was probably laziness or maybe because I was on birth control. Granted, I wasn’t very regular with that anymore. I never liked taking it and Alex hadn’t been there for a month.

"You don't keep track!" He stood up, pacing like it was the 1950s and he was stuck in the hallway while I was giving birth.

"You don't even have a period." I crossed my arms and leaned further back into bed. I was tired. He must have been jet lagged too. Why weren’t we sleeping?

"Yeah, but I am having sex with you."

"We last had sex a month ago. I'm not pregnant."

"And have you had a period since?"

I sighed. "No."

He exhaled and his head fell to his chest. He looked like my father. His head slumped after my mother disappointed him. It terrified me. Like I had done something wrong by not shedding my uterine lining. I didn't feel pregnant. Alex's concern made me concerned but I was more scared by the way his head sank.

"Should I go buy a test?" I asked. I didn't feel like fighting that I wasn't. I got an eerie feeling like I was overhearing my parents fight but I had suddenly body swapped with my mother. It felt like some trust had snapped in between Alex and me. For him, he'll say it wasn't and that it was based solely on concern. I thought otherwise. Like his paranoia had overtaken him.

"I'll go," he offered.

I shook my head and went to my dresser for a change of clothes. "No, it's fine." It's wicked that in my mind I held more worry over someone catching Alex Turner with a pregnancy test than actually being pregnant.

I threw the fur coat on and made my way to the nearby CVS. I had never bought one before. I don't know if I thought I ever would but I suppose I imagined it over different circumstances—a happy one, maybe with someone beside me with equal excitement. I bought a tube of toothpaste and a bag of Cheetos. I still had vomit on my breath.

Alex was sitting on the couch when I returned. His fingers were tapping the armrest and he had the TV on The View but he held a locked stare with the front door, meeting my eyes as I walked in.

I tossed the plastic bag on the coffee table and collapsed on the couch beside him. "I don't have to pee."

"Okay."

I grabbed the remote sitting between us and began to flip channels. Not much of anything good was on that early. I felt Alex staring at me but he didn't speak so I didn't speak. I landed on Notting Hill. "I hate this movie," I said just to have something to say.

He didn't say anything. Not even a Hugh Grant joke.

A half-hour passed in silence beside the movie before I stood up, dug the box out, and went to the bathroom. Not a word from Alex. I slammed the bathroom door shut.

I fumbled with the test for a while, struggling to open the box's lid. I wondered if Alex didn't join me in the bathroom because he thought I needed privacy or because he was upset. I think he was mostly just a scared little boy.

He felt so little to me in that moment and not in the way I loved. He was small and made my blood boil, even if I couldn't fully blame him for his concern. But his silence bugged me. His impassive form on the couch, a refusal to move or communicate. He had a habit of getting in his own head and barring entry. He'd say it was his personality. I'd say it was immaturity.

I took the test and waited for the results to appear alone in the bathroom. Negative, as expected. Still, I was left with uncertainty about what to do. I was mad at him but I didn't want to yell. I was relieved but I didn't want to celebrate. I was left where he was: silence.

Alex was still where I had left him. I put the test on the coffee table and sat down beside him, the last 10 minutes of Notting Hill playing. But he didn't move to look at it. His head turned to me instead. He was reading my face rather than the test. I stayed neutral and stared onward, refusing his enticing gaze.

"I'm sorry if I made you..." He hadn't fully grasped what I was thinking. I tend to think men and women are mostly the same but I find our biological difference is showcased in those times of stress. "It's negative. Right?"

I nodded, staring at Julia Roberts, arms crossed. "Mhmm."

He scooted closer to me. "Jane." His hand landed on my sweatpants-covered thigh and my eyes decided to finally snap over to him, small, tiny, scared little boy Alex. "I would've..."

"What?"

He looked at me as if he didn't expect a reaction from me. His expression was stunned and his hand stilled. "I don't know." You brought his hand up to his forehead, pushing his long strands back over his head. He took a deep breath. "This whole morning has felt like whiplash."

I scoffed, "Yeah." My head turned away from him. I was battered with the feeling of numbness. In the past, I think I would've cried. Or yelled. Now, I felt indifferent. I didn't know how to feel about that either.

"Have I ruined Valentine's Day?" He asked in an attempt to make me laugh.

I shut off the TV and stood up. "Yeah." I walked away to the bedroom. Alex stayed out in the living room.

When I went out to the kitchen, Alex was asleep on the couch. I made as much noise in the kitchen as possible to wake him up. I knew he was jet lagged and tired but I was a scorned woman.

I started the tea kettle and turned around to see a yawning Alex. "Do you want tea?" I offered.

He shook his head and placed his hands on the back of a chair. "I'm sorry for being an asshole." I turned away, not particularly interested in looking at him, instead I searched for a mug. "I suppose I have a habit of that. But I figured we could go out tonight. Go to a pub. Get some drinks."

Alex smiled, proud of himself for upholding a minimal tradition in my eyes. "I have plans tonight."

I didn't expect him to roll over and die. "Oh. Okay." He sat down on one of the stools and said nothing else.

There was no fight in him, meaning I had to be the one to fight. "Fennel and Kaka are having a party. I told them we'd go."

"That'll be fun.” He sent me a complacent smile. “I'll finally get to meet them."

I smiled back just as limitingly. "They've heard a lot."

He looked down at his hands. "Bad, I'm sure."

I exhaled. "I don't hate you, Alex."

"Feels like it." He was moody and refused eye contact, almost like he was me. We had been around each other for so long that we had become each other. People would say this to me but I rarely saw it.

"Call it PMSing. It just wasn't the best greeting."

He nodded, the understanding slowly seeping into him. "I know. I'm sorry for that."

"I woke up early to be awake when you got back and there I go getting sick."

He looked guilty. Solemn and culpable. "I should be making you tea."

I turned back with a smile. "Yeah. You should."

He walked closer and hugged my side. He placed a kiss on my temple and squeezed me close to him. "Go sit down. I'll bring this over to you."

I kissed his cheek. "Alright."

*

Fennel and Kaka's apartment was stuffed with everything. People, liquor, drugs, music, hearts. Alex wore a white shirt with a suit jacket over top. I wore a pink floral Roberto Cavalli cocktail dress, Fennel provided. Maybe it was because of our fight earlier or maybe I had just changed since I had seen Alex last, but I held a superiority complex over him. The silk of my dress wrapped me in elegance and the rough quality of his suit jacket. Oh, shit, I was becoming posh.

Looking back, I wasn't dignified or aware enough that my mother held these opinions of my father as well. However, I was also in a bitter state, and even Alex said I looked better than him so I wasn't really kidding myself.

People held cocktails and canapés were being moved throughout the room. Alex and I stood in the corner silently, I sipped the edge of my gimlet to keep it from spilling. Alex drank a whiskey. I kept thinking about it, in an ashamed way, but then I found humour in it and thought it best to break the ice and tell Alex what I was thinking. "We really are my mother and father."

He turned, originally with a neutral look on his face before spotting the crack of my smile. He breathed laughter out and lifted his glass, taking a slow sip from it. I imagine he was looking for something to say. We hadn't spoken for so long that his vocal chords must’ve needed a refresher course. He dropped the glass to his side. "I hope all the good parts."

I chuckled. "You say that like there are some."

He tossed his head side-to-side. "They've always had elegance to them. They intimidate me. The way the act is, you know..." He moved his hand like he was fishing for the word, trying to find it in the ocean of his mind.

"Posh?" I suggested.

His jaw dropped. "Now, Janie, I would never say that."

"Oy! Jane Cavendish!" It was Fennel, approaching us with Kaka following behind him. They were both dressed in matching maroon suits, each with a cocktail. "Beautiful. Always beautiful. And this must be Alex. Oh, how we've waited for this moment."

"Don't say that. You'll make him nervous," I told them. Alex didn't like it when I told people this. He found it to be invasive for other people—those not close to him—to know his emotions. I found Fennel and Kaka to be trustworthy of this information.

Alex peered over at me like I was his mother embarrassing him in front of his friends. "It's nice to finally meet you both." He shook their hands and they were both very impressed by this. I could tell.

"You both look lovely," I told them.

"Ralph Lauren," Fennel replied. He moved his hand down the fabric of his suit. "Red velvet. Feel." He reached out for my hand and rubbed it up against the velvet, the smoothness running under my fingers. "Now, you, Alex." He grabbed Alex's hand doing the same. It was awkward and made me giggle but Fennel always had a way of putting people at ease. At the sound of my enjoyment, Alex chuckled, nodding his head in approval of the fabric choice.

Kaka told Alex, "Has Jane told you how jealous we are of you two?"

Alex looked over at me at the knowledge of this news. "No, no. Why?" He shoved his hands in his pockets.

"The romance," Kaka swooned. "I wish I could have met Fennel sooner but we were a mess at your age. To find your love so early and keep it going and in the way you two are. If I was doing that at 23, I'd be a mess. Young love is just so lovely. Sorry, I'm a little inebriated."

Alex chuckled. "That's fine."

"You're a very beautiful couple," Fennel said. "I know a lot of ugly ones. Inside and out."

"Well, we had a fight before this so, if that brings us down from paradise for a bit." Alex seemed shocked I had said this. I thought I sounded like my 17-year-old self again. It was honest to me but it was also childish.

Fennel waved his hands. "Fights are great. You should have makeup sex in the bathroom."

I asked, "But where will everyone do coke?" We all laughed. Alex too, if not out of humour than of peer pressure.

Hours passed. We talked with some of my co-workers and Fennel's and Kaka's cultured friends. While Alex was in the bathroom, I talked with David Remnick and nearly fainted out of nervousness because I couldn't remember how to say Ibuprofen.

Alex and I went to the balcony to smoke. The city rushed by below and we each lit a cigarette up alone. I sighed and leaned on the railing, my head in my hand. It was so hot in the apartment but I felt so chilly outside as the wind rushed by. I felt Alex place his hand on my back. He was like a hot water bottle. He knocked against my spine like he was checking to make sure all my vertebrae were still in place. "You look like Juliet."

I turned my head to look at him but his head was off to the left, the smoke escaping out of the side of his mouth. He looked like he was stargazing, even though he couldn't have seen any in that light-polluted sky. His touch on me was this firm thing. I had never felt him so strongly like he wanted me to know he was still standing there beside me.

"The moon is so bright," he said. I looked into his eyes, searching for it in there. I followed his line of sight before my own landed on the glowing sphere hanging up in the sky. It stood bold against the black void surrounding it.

I looked at Alex, bold as ever. I couldn't manage anything with my tongue. I just stared at him while he stared at the moon. I don't know if he felt my eyes on him or if he was so enraptured with the moon that he couldn't handle looking anywhere else.

I sighed, standing up straight. I don't know what I was thinking by standing up so quickly. I don't know why I didn't just stay there and watch him for hours. "I've never understood the whole man-in-the-moon thing."

Alex shrugged, still staring above. "You can see anything if you look long enough."

I scuffed my cigarette out on the railing but kept the dog end in my hand. "Do you think if I stare at it long enough I'll see you?"

He hummed his response. I wasn't sure if we were speaking in some kind of code or just dancing around one another's words. Everything felt off, even if we looked so on track. I was uneasy in finding a response. He acted like he wanted to be alone but his hand persisted its touch on my back. His lips wrapped around his smoke and his eyes stared off into the lights of the city.

My arms crossed and I stood at what felt like such a distance. I stepped sideways, figuring Alex to be done with me and on to his stargazing. I'd have greater engagement talking to the walls inside and at least then I'd have a cocktail too. I turned away and his hand grazed across my back as I moved.

"I feel like I've done something wrong," Alex finally spoke. I had my back to him and it felt like I may never look at him again. Either he or my feet wouldn't allow me to turn around to see him. "I overstepped earlier."

My hand went to my forehead and it was like my brain was going to swell up and push itself out of my skull. I spun around on my heels. He was leaning back against the rail nonchalantly but held such caution in his bones. His eyes had a hard time staying on mine as he committed to the nervous habit of playing with his nails and tapping the end of his cigarette. "It's fine. I don't want to fight about it. I'm tired."

"Okay." He deflected his silence onto me, acting as if I was the one causing tension between us. Earlier that was the case but I dropped it in the kitchen and moved on with life. The whole day Alex held a wall around him. It wasn't a new thing for him to have his guard up, but I usually wasn’t the one blocked from entering.

I swore to myself long ago, after our break-up in '07 that I wouldn't be accusatory to Alex. Trust had always been strong but we always had a weak link. His stare now penetrated me and I felt like the nervous one. My arms stayed crossed but my hands began to squeeze the sides of me and I looked away, inside at the party, which had grown louder as the pretense of class had dropped with the amount of alcohol and drugs. "Did something happen on tour?"

My eyes moved back at his quietness. I had a sick feeling in my stomach but I didn't feel like I had a right to. I'm the one who fucked up before so I'd forgive him if he did now. Instead of guilt, he stared at me like he didn't know what language I was speaking. "No. Why?"

I don't know if he wanted me to feel sorry for him because I was accusing him of something that he didn't do or if he was as lost as I was when it came to this stalemate. "You just seem off. That's all."

He shrugged. "It's been a weird day." I was hit with a wave and I'm still figuring out whether it was from nostalgia or because I actually did see it but I swore he looked 17 again at that moment. I'll always see glimpses of that. The locked-in memory of his first impression. Through his long hair and whatever frustration he seemed to have, I smiled because we were standing in a garden. One that was on a balcony and was mainly weed other than one pot of zinnias.

I dropped my arms and plucked at the fabric of my dress. I didn't tell him what I thought. I thought myself to be a little childish in my reminiscing but it was Valentine's Day and I don't know why we went to this party because I always just wanted Alex to myself. I was a desperate woman with a sole propensity to be alone with Alex, especially when it was the day of his homecoming. I blamed it on my period, which I got the following day (not pregnant).

"You didn't want to come here tonight?" I said it as a question but it was a statement. I was already sure of Alex's stance. His inability to relax around strangers and his reluctance to engage in small talk. I knew he also had an inclination to be alone with me.

He played nice though. Always gave in to me easily on these kinds of dilemmas because it's what I wanted. He couldn't give me much in other areas (I had just finally won the whole location problem) so he found it expected to do what I wanted to do when he was around. But, sometimes (I use sometimes very loosely because I do in fact like getting my way), I liked doing what he wanted to do. Most of all, my favourite thing was talking to him. So, why would I spend a whole night chit-chatting with other people? (Besides, David Remnick because that really was a dream come true).

"I'm having fun." He wasn't very convincing. A tone of neutrality and a shrug of his shoulders that just looked like disinterest.

I chuckled to myself. "I'd like to give myself some credit. I know you better than anyone else so I know that you're full of shit."

He laughed and finally dropped his cigarette and his rough shoulders. "I'm just tired."

"Sure," I dragged out, unconvinced. "I'm kind of wishing we just went to a pub or something."

Alex looked down and rubbed his forehead. "Yeah. I'm wishing a lot of things right now."

My brows furrowed and I wanted to look closer at him but his hand and hair shielded his expression. "Like what?"

He put his hands in his pockets and looked out at the city. "I don't know. I think I'm just a little messed up right now."

I stepped forward, wanting to stand next to him, wanting to touch him. I moved close enough that he was forced to look at me. "What's going on?"

The browns of his eyes looked darker and shinier as if they had been glazed over. I wanted to touch his face and have him lean into my hand, but I wanted to hear what he had to say first. He fidgeted with the cuffs of his jacket but I had him cornered. "Just in my head. The usual."

"About what? Me?" It might have been selfish to think so but he looked like he might cry while looking at me and I don't think I had felt that insecure in front of Alex in years.

He shook his head. "I don't even want to say it. It's so stupid."

"I don't want you to leave it in there."

His eyes darted in a million directions before landing on mine. "Just things are changing."

It took me a second to understand. It took me a gust of wind passing before I pointed to myself. "Me?"

He rattled his brain with the shake of his head. "I'm just in my head, Janie."

I grabbed his upper arm, forcing him to take notice of me. "Well, let me in. You know, I like when we talk." I smiled up at him and he released the hint of a smile, a sparkle behind his eyes. "I like knowing what's going on and what you have to say, what you're thinking. I don't get much of that while you're away and I think we both stew in our thoughts for so long that we're practically bored of it by the time we see the other and then we think we don't have to bother saying anything. But I've never heard about this and I want to know about this. I want to know about you if you let me."

A grin covered his face, so wide his teeth peeked through to wave to me. "What?" I asked. His smile just seemed to grow bigger and his eyes cast down on me. I thought he might kiss me but I'm glad he didn't, I didn't want to get distracted. "What?" I insisted, punching his leaning figure.

"Nothing," he said so cheerfully. I thought he might have taken something to cause this sudden change. He put his hand on my shoulder like he wanted to touch me but wanted to make sure we kept our distance. "I just love the way you talk. I don't know. Like the way you know how my brain works and you feel everything I'm feeling. I just...I love talking to you too. It's what I've always loved about you. I feel like I can't do this with anyone else. Just lay myself out and never have to worry. I think I forgot the feeling."

I wrapped my arm around his neck, closing the distance, and having us stand chest-to-chest. "We'll blame the jetlag."

"Sorry for being moody. I think it's an after-effect of prolonged homesickness."

"It's fine. I suffer from it too." It made me smile that we both considered each other home. It was cheesy and cliche but that didn’t make it untrue.

"Do you think there's a cure?" He moved closer and it took me that long to realize we hadn't kissed all day between the vomit and the fighting and the party. I should be put in jail for this.

I didn't kiss him right away. I hugged him first just to feel him, make sure he was there, all of him. "I might start with getting out of here."

Alex insisted, "Don't make me force you to leave."

"I wouldn't if I didn't want to. I'm craving shitty fries and chairs that squeak." And him. I really craved him.

"You love it when we play poor together."

"I love when we're together." We finally kissed at that point, waiting any longer felt like too much. He was right with me and I never wanted him to leave. If we kissed any longer we might have fallen off the side of the balcony. Together.

I dragged him through the apartment with me, trailing like my puppy but he was my loyal dog. His hand was clasped in mine and I kissed both Kaka's and Fennel's cheeks and promised to have dinner sometime soon for a more proper introduction to Alex. "Enjoy your Valentine's, love," Kaka said in his drunken impersonation of a British accent.

"You too," Alex said for both of us.

He put my fur coat on me and we left onto the sidewalk of the loved-up city. We decided to walk back in the direction of our apartment and land at a shitty bar along the way. We walked side-by-side like we were two anxious teenagers again. I suppose we had regressed in the absence of one another and the readjustment was more structurally unsound than usual.

"So, uh," I started, "you think I've changed too much?"

He threw his head back. "Don't listen to me."

I grabbed his arm, tugging on it. "No, I want you to be honest with me. None of this evasiveness."

Alex put his arm around my shoulder, pushing me into him. "I'm just catching up a little. You've been busy while I've been gone and I like that."

"But too much too quick?" Fennel and Kaka and the load of other people they had in their apartment could be too much. It overwhelmed me at times and I knew most of the people in the room.

We stopped at a corner, waiting for a light. He turned his head to look directly at me. "Just give me a bit of a grace period." He smiled so carefully. Not in a calculated way but to reaffirm his statement.

I smiled back. "I'd give you anything you want." It was probably too much to give a person, something I wasn't even willing to give to myself, but we were sharing a desperate kind of love. It wasn't the healthiest but he was the only person I knew would love me no matter what.

He seemed struck by this statement, unable to tear his eyes away to spot the green light in front of us. I pointed ahead at it but he didn't move his feet. He bent down and kissed my cheek firmly. I think he would have stayed there forever if I hadn't pushed him and insisted we cross the street before the light turned red again. He leaned down and whispered, "Ditto."

We stopped at The Scratcher in the East Village. It was Irish but akin to English by nature. It had exposed brick and when I asked the bartender for a Guinness (me) and lager shandy (Alex) he talked with me about England long after he had given me our drinks. The lighting was low and it was late but the bar was still full with mostly lonely hearts, save us and a few other couples.

Alex found us a table in the back corner by a group of rowdy men and for a bit it did feel like we were back home. "That's what I love about New York," I mused to him. "I find pieces of home here. I never found that in Los Angeles. Too deserty."

Alex leaned his cheek on his fist. His eyes looked tired but his smile stayed exercising. "You seem really happy here."

I shrugged. It was hard to admit these things. Like if I spoke it out loud it would cease to be true. "I guess, in a way, it feels like it’s something I did on my own. I know I'm not alone but...you know what I mean."

His eyes flashed down at the table and he sat up straight, leaning back against his chair. "Yeah. I know what you mean." He sipped his drink and I could tell he was going to say something once he washed his words down. "I really like it here too." The infliction in his voice was distracted as if he was thinking about 10 other things. I didn't know which one to ask about.

"Tour's almost over." I was ashamed that it flew by for me. Maybe because I was more occupied. I thought it should have felt like it dragged on forever. The way I used to feel about it. Granted it was shorter than the previous tours but I had never been this involved with Alex. We shared a home now, yet, his things—his clothes next to mine and the record collection collecting dust—didn't make me long for him, yearn for him. Perhaps, it was growing up. Perhaps, it was growing apart.

I circled my finger around my glass's edge. "I don't know if I'll be able to get off for the London shows."

"That's fine." He has always been so accepting. Like most things, it was a blessing and curse. Sometimes, I hated that he didn't put up a fight. He never told me what he desired, even with things like LA. It was a work obligation, not something he wished for. Maybe it's because I always wanted too much and Alex balanced it out by wanting too little.

"I got off work tomorrow. If you want to do anything."

He smirked. "I have one idea." Alex did desire some things.

*

I cut Alex's hair a week later. He complained of it being too long and I suggested he go to the barber and then he said I should do it. It was late but we were very happy.

We shared a glass of wine. I had Alex sit in the bathtub and I kneeled on the tile floor. We washed it first and then emptied the bathtub before I began to cut it. "What if you end up not liking it?" I questioned. I wasn't nervous. If anything I was power-hungry holding the kitchen scissors.

"I'll like it. It'll grow back either way. How bad could you fuck it up?” He chuckled before saying, “Last time you did this we broke up. Can't fuck up more than that."

His laughter induced me to join him. I sipped the wine before passing it to him. It felt very adult and I told him that. He said, "I could do this forever."

*

Alex experienced his first nor'easter blizzard at the end of February. I had experienced my first at the beginning of the month. He was quite excited for it. It was childish excitement like he was going to receive a snow day. I suppose his snow day was the fact that I didn’t have to go to work. I ended up getting Thursday and Friday off, which, well, did feel like a snow day.

However, it was cold. Like really cold. We ventured outside at the start of the storm to collect groceries and experience the snowfall. We got into a snowball outside our building’s front door before the snow turned to slush. Alex accidentally ended up hitting Russ Tillerson, who lived on the floor below us. He had a good spirit and laughed before shoving snow down Alex’s back, smushed in between his skin and his coat.

It took me a good few minutes to recover from laughter over Alex’s shivers. “It’s not fun,” he insisted, still patting snow out.

I hit his thick jacket with my gloved hand. “You’re not a good sport.”

He pouted and whined, “I don’t want to be a good sport. I want to be warm.”

I stroked his cheek, rubbing the icicle crystals stuck on my glove onto his skin making him wince. “Awwww. Poor baby. I’ll run you a bath when we get back.” He quite enjoyed that bath.

The days were fun but long. We watched TV and had sex for most of it. We ate sloppy like we were at a slumber party. We got high Friday night while watching Goodfellas. I ate a bag of salt & vinegar chips and half a pack of Chips Ahoy! Alex ate a whole pack of Oreos and drank enough Coke to shut down your organs.

“I’m sorry I’m so high,” I apologized.

He waved me off and sunk deeper into the couch pillows. “It’s fine. I wish we had more Coke.”

“We could do coke coke.”

“You have coke coke?”

“No. But we could get some?” It was candy in my new circle. Easy to obtain, sweet to do, horrible for you.

“Nah,” he rejected. “You’ve done it?”

“Yeah. I used to do it with…what’s his name…Robert.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry I’m so quiet,” I apologized again.

“You’re good.”

“Ray Liotta is so hot.”

“You’re so hot.”

“Mhmm.” My eyes moved away from blue eyes to Alex’s brown. He had sat up from his slump and was leaning on the armrest, observationally. “Don’t do that.”

“What?” He smirked, all-knowing.

“You know…how horny I get…” His smirk grew. “Don’t look at me like that!”

He curled his fingers, beckoning me to him. “Come here. Let me do you.”

I laughed and closed my eyes, prepared to succumb to sleep. His foot knocked mine. “What?”

“C’mon.”

He came to me. And, well, in me.

*

Alex left halfway through March, narrowly missing another nor’easter, but this time less severe. Opal came a few days later for work. She stayed at the Bowery Hotel, a few blocks east of me. I had walked by it a million times and always longed to go in. It was my second most desired hotel after the Plaza. 

She was there for work but apparently now had a boyfriend there too but that was all supposed to be obvious. Opal talked about things like you already knew everything about it. She told outlandish stories where she'd say, "You know how Charlie is" when I had never heard of Charlie before. Nonetheless, she was exciting and good company.

Alex was in Baltimore by the time I called him while drunk. Opal and I had gone to House of Yes and said yes to every drink along the way. Opal left with some guy who wasn't her boyfriend but it's okay because they had an open relationship, I think. Therefore, I was left outside House of Yes going home alone. I don't blame Opal for ditching me; the guy was hot and I insisted she go by saying I wasn't drunk, just tipsy.

I called Alex and lit up a cigarette at the same time. He picked up after 2 rings while I was still muffled by the cigarette in between my teeth. "Hiya, honey," I mumbled.

I heard laughing, either from him or the drunkards around him. He had been drinking too but not heavily. "Hey, sweetie." He moved away from the sound. I imagined him tucking himself away in the back end of the tour bus.

"I'm needy and I miss you," I whined.

His soft chuckling rang through the phone. "What's that mean?"

"It means I'm walking to the subway in Brooklyn." I scraped my heels against the cement.

"Ah. You and Opal have fun?"

"Yeah, but I'm drunk and alone. She's probably having sex right now. Everyone is having sex right now." House of Yes was a very sexual place in 2010.

"I'm not."

"Yeah,” I giggled. “I figured that one out. Could you imagine? You're on the phone with me having sex."

"What? Like phone sex?" He teased me.

I scolded him, "I'm not having phone sex in public. I meant like you were fucking someone else and on the phone with me."

"Why would I fuck someone else?" His tone was puzzled and I think he was drunker than I thought he was at the time.

"I don't know. I'm drunk. There's no logic to my thinking."

"I don't think I'll ever have sex with someone else. It'd be weird."

"I'd have sex with other people."

"Really?" He didn’t sound worried. Just curious.

"Yeah. Like George Clooney or something."

"I'll let you have Clooney. I’d fuck Clooney."

"Nah. He wouldn't settle down with me anyway."

There was a pause of silence before he expressed, "Miss you."

"Yeah. Me too."

He buzzed as if the words were sinking in. "End of the month and then I'm all yours."

"I like that idea. I've been hanging out with Opal so much I think she's starting to hate me."

"No. She just needs hot ass like the rest of us." It had been a very lonely month in the sex department.

"I'm not hot ass?"

"You're the hottest ass."

"Subway's here."

"Okay. Let me know when you're home."

"Yeah. Love you."

He hummed in agreement.

*

Alex returned at the end of April. We relaxed back into domestic obliviousness. That weekend, we went over for dinner at Fennel and Kaka's. We drank wine, ate fancy chicken, and played with Rooster. 

We sat at one end of their dining room table. Alex's nervousness had faded but he remained stiff, the obvious odd man out. We were laughing about work and Sally Condalteen's explosible haircut, all out of Alex's frame of reference. 

Fennel, observing this, gasped and said, "I just realized I haven't even heard the story of how you two met."

I turned to Alex, who was looking at me. I was like a mother training a child to speak for themselves. "You tell it. I've never heard your side of things."

"Okay. Uh, well, Jane had a class with Matt, who is the drummer of, you know, the band, and he invited her to our first gig. We sort of knew each other—small college and that kind of thing—but never talked. So, at the venue, I went up to her and called her the wrong name. The whole night I figured I screwed things up and made a fool of myself. Then, I'm outside smoking and she comes out and I thought maybe I wouldn't say anything but then I realized I'd probably never get another chance, so..."

"You went for it?" Kaka, a big woosy romantic, grinned.

"Obviously," I answered.

"What about you? What did you think when he came up to you?" Fennel asked me.

I shrugged. "Nervous. I think. After, terrified."

"Why?" He was like a psychologist desperate to get to the bottom of things.

I shrugged. I didn't want to reveal my whole emotional state to them but their eyes stared at me. "He knew me better in one conversation than anyone in my life. It's stupid."

"No!" Fennel insisted. "It makes me believe in soulmates."

"Oh, god," I exhaled exasperatedly, rolling my eyes.

Kaka swatted at me. "Don't be so pessimistic."

"I have to be. I'm a realistic woman." Or a doubtful one. I was a recovering romantic at best.

Fennel turned his bark onto Alex. "You think you'll marry her, Alex?"

"Don't answer that,” I quickly insisted. “They're wanting to cause trouble. They did the same thing with me."

Alex looked tempted but listened to my instructions. He turned to the two men. "How'd you two meet?"

When we left there was a drizzle of rain. Not enough to wet your clothes, but enough to huddle close to one another as we walked to the subway. Alex squeezed my hip, playing with the sculpture of the bone. "Do you want to get married?"

"We've talked about this." The whole subject made me feel awkward. I felt too young for the subject.

But then Alex said, "No. I mean, do you want to get married tonight?"

"It's midnight!" Deflection.

"Then, in the morning."

I shook my head. "No."

Alex looked like the air had been taken out of him. He readjusted and continued walking. "Okay."

"Maybe in like two years." Or two decades. The whole thing gave me body sweats.

"What's the difference between now and 2 years?" He didn’t ask it accusatorially. He was inquisitive.

"We're 24!” Frontal lobe and all that. “I can't tell if you're being serious now or not?"

He lightly shook his hair around. "Maybe a little. If you wanted to, I would. I'd do whatever for you. If I can give it to you, I will."

"Are you sure?" He worried me too much when he talked about giving things to me. He had always stretched himself and I was sure one day he would break.

He squeezed my hand. "What's going on?"

"What's going on with you? This overcompensation or whatever. I don't want you to give me everything. Keep some for yourself."

He looked at me for a moment, thinking it over. Then, he said, "Fine. Half to you then."

"40%."

"45%."

*

We went to Coney Island because I really wanted to ride the Cyclone. It was the first really hot day of the year. Unknown to us, it was also Memorial Day Weekend, which meant the beaches were open, which meant everyone, their mother, and their grandmother were at Coney Island.

Alex could wait in lines. I could whine to Alex while we waited in lines. He bought us enough tickets to ride the Cyclone and then go home because I was miserable in the heat and in line. But the line to get on the Cyclone was long and we had been standing there for what felt like hours.

"It's been 5 minutes," he noted. "We can come back another day."

"No," I moaned. "I want to do it today. I had it all planned out. I had planned to ride a rollercoaster today."

He laughed. "How do you plan to ride a rollercoaster?"

"You eat light so you don't throw up."

Alex tossed his head back in laughter. Suddenly, he snapped his head down with a concerned look on his face. "Have you not eaten anything today?"

"Well, yeah, I didn't want to throw up."

"God,” he scoffed, “no wonder you're in a horrible mood."

"I'm not in a horrible mood."

He gave me a look. He grabbed my hand and yanked us out of line. "Where are we going?"

"To eat. The Cyclone will still be there next weekend."

When we went next weekend, I loved the Cyclone and wanted to ride every ride there. I then threw up after the tilt-a-whirl.

*

I wrote a piece for The Paris Review in June. Alex sent it to what felt like everyone we knew. He attached it with a note that The Paris Review was located in New York and not Paris. He was very fascinated by that.

He had flown to London for the theatrical release of Submarine when the piece was published. It felt like a mighty contrast. The songs Alex had written for Submarine were what I would describe as the last box that had yet to be unpacked in our apartment. They were vulnerable but covered in metaphors I'm not sure anyone understood other than me. 

He had played them for me, asked for my opinion, revised, and played again. It was the first time Alex workshopped music with me since "Bigger Boys and Stolen Sweethearts." I always thought it was because he didn't have the band to work with. He has denied this and said that the songs were meant for me first, the movie was inconsequential. I'm not sure how true that is and how much Alex just wants to take credit for being a romantic or something. 

Either way, he wrote me a note before he left. He tucked it in my journal to make sure I wouldn't find it until he left. It read, There’s a piece of you in this, and in me.

My piece was fictional. It was about a girl who drinks too much coffee. It's hard to explain without it sounding stupid. 

I didn't write about Alex much. Opal found this weird when I had shown her my work last year. She said he was such a big part of me that it seemed bizarre I didn't write about him. My explanation, mostly, was the protective quality I held over Alex. His songs were shielded in forty different metaphors before you got to me. In my work, as evidence here, I name names, especially in these years when my name was so attachable to Alex’s.

I had shifted back to writing fiction because that's what most literary magazines like The Paris Review accepted. Of course, I'm not a girl who drinks too much coffee at all.

I liked the stability of the Condé Nast job but I had been indulging myself in fantasies of writing a book again. When Alex returned to New York, I told him this over lunch. We went to Lexington Candy Shop, which is a diner, not a candy shop. Another thing Alex wouldn’t shut up about.

I drank a malt shake (coffee-flavoured) and Alex had a Coke (the old-fashioned way where the syrup and soda water is stirred together, not the really old-fashioned way with coke like Alex wouldn't stop joking about) while we waited for our food. "I think I want to go for it."

Alex was contagious. You could believe you could do anything with that smile. "You should. You have one guaranteed customer."

"Well, you'd read anything I'd write."

"'Cause it's good."

"Don't butter me up."

"Come on, you know you're a great writer, Janie. You don't get into The Paris Review as a shite writer."

"Shut up about The Paris Review," I laughed.

I reached across and squeezed my hand. It made me squirmish. "I'm never shutting up about The Paris Review and that's because I read this really good piece about coffee in it and—"

"Stop talking about coffee too. You're making me stressed."

"Ease up. You'll be a New York Times bestseller by this time next year."

I stood up, running away from his stress-inducing words. "I'm going to the bathroom."

He crossed his arms. "That won't change anything."

We returned home. Alex put on a record and I decided to act like I was reading a book until Alex sat beside me. Then, I decided to makeout with him. Hormones. I'm not sure what his excuse was since he wouldn't stop grabbing my ass. "Are we about to have sex to The Beatles?" I asked as "All My Loving" sounded out through our apartment.

"Yeah. It's what John Lennon would have wanted." He pushed me down into the couch cushions. I was the meat in a sandwich between the two.

"I love this song," I mused against his lips.

"Good,” he huffed. “Let's fuck to it."

"Stop," I shrieked, laughing too hard to focus on his penis. I pushed him up off of me and sat up, collecting the trash that had accumulated on the coffee table.

Like any typical guy, he said, "Come on, Janie, I had to take care of this myself all week."

I knocked, "You masturbated all week?"

"I did other things too," he joked.

I was slightly fishing for a compliment but I was genuinely curious too when I asked, "What do you do it too?"

He laughed at my question. He scruffed my hair up. "You, you fucking idiot. What else? What do you think about?"

I shrugged. "I don't masturbate."

"Liar."

"I don't," I insisted.

"You told me you used to have a vibrator."

"Not anymore." I hadn’t thought to bring it through customs. It was tossed around the London to LA move.

"You don't masturbate? Why?" Alex was still stuck in that heightened sexual teenage boy phase. It made it so sex seemed like the only answer. He eventually grew out of this but it was an enduring fixture of his personality for a while.

I shrugged. "I don't like it."

"How can you not like it?”

"I get all sad after. I don't really do it anymore." It made me depressed for the whole day after. I would think about growing up too quickly and dying alone. Maybe that’s just how I was in the aughts. I didn’t give it up completely. Things would change soon after this conversation. I also got on anti-depressants. 

"Why?"

"Is it shocking that someone isn't thinking about sex 24/7?"

"Well, yeah.” I did think about it often but not like Alex, still-not-fully-matured did. “I'm not good enough to masturbate to." Now, he was fishing for compliments.

I stood up from the couch and walked to the garbage bin. "No, it's more like...the other way."

He turned to me with an open jaw. "I'm that good in bed?"

"Don't get an inflated ego on me. I'll refuse to have sex with you if you start boasting."

"I won't boast. I'll just show off." He pulled me down, stuffing me between him and the couch. He made a great effort into "proving it." In a way, it kind of ruined it. I mean, he had this smug look on his face the whole time and he was so into the thought that he was good at it that he started to not be good at it.

"When you get off your pedestal, sir, can you actually fuck me?" I asked.

He seemed to snap out of it and realized he was inside me and not himself. "Fuck. Sorry."

Later, around "Devil in Her Heart," Alex laid his head on my stomach. He'd move around and kiss around my stomach, sometimes rising up to my breasts, but mainly hanging out around my belly button. 

I sighed from exhaustion, lust, and resignation. "I have to get glasses."

Alex laughed against my liver. "You can see fine. I think you've got a couple decades before you have to worry about glaucoma."

"No. The doctor told me I have to get glasses."

Alex seemed to find this really funny. "Are you serious? You're gonna look so geeky."

"Gee, thanks."

He kissed my diaphragm repeatedly. "I like nerds. Are you going to have to wear them all the time?"

"No, just at night. I've been struggling in the dark."

"You're gonna get night vision. Like Batman."

I got the glasses about a week later and I walked back into the apartment wearing them. Alex looked up from the couch, placed his hand over his heart, and said, "Everyone must hate you."

I tossed my keys in the little dish by the door that Alex had made it at a ceramics session that we did together about a month prior. "Enlighten me," I said with a laugh.

"You're just fucking gorgeous, Janie," Alex decided. He looked back down at his book like I burned his eyes.

I kicked my shoes off. "Careful. I'll get a complex."

"What? Like you'll finally believe me."

"I believe you," I promised. I had grown confident in myself or at least confident enough in Alex to believe he wasn't lying to me. "Or I'll try to."

I sat down beside him on the couch and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Here," he pointed his finger to the middle of the page, "read this sentence."

I rolled my eyes but obliged. "'So they went on for a good while, talking now of their cards and now about me, as though I were not in the room'—how long do I have to do this for?"

He smashed his lips against my cheek. "That's all." He returned to his book and I ordered us dinner.

A few days later, we were trapped inside due to the pouring rain. I was working on a review for work and Alex was reading. He had a cigarette in his mouth but it was unlit. I think he was going through the motions but couldn't go outside to smoke it and I refused to let him smoke indoors. 

My feet poked at the side of his body. Every five minutes or so, I'd poke my toes into him. He'd laugh, whether provoked or ticklish, it was an acknowledgment of our presence with one another. 

Thunder pounded through and Alex squeezed my foot to get my attention. I looked up at him through my lenses. He smirked, which I knew meant he was thinking something foul. "Can I fuck you with your glasses on?"

I don't mean for this year to seem particularly nasty but we did...you know...do it all the time. There wasn't much else to do. We were together all the time, we would talk over dinner, share this alone time together, and then I or Alex (usually Alex) would hit a point in the evening where we might as well just get on with it. Besides, this instant was pretty important. You know, with the thunderstorms. And my glasses. Alex really likes that part.

*

Alex and I went to an antique store in Dobbs Ferry because Fennel, who had been vacationing in Mykonos for the last month, needed me to pick up a statuaries from this rare antiques store. We decided to make a day trip out of it. Not there was much to do in Dobbs Ferry.

We shared headphones on the way up. Our moods were transactional through the iPod. Alex had this habit of scrolling his finger back and forth on the dial. It would make this scrolling noise, but I kind of liked that noise so I never stopped him. 

We walked the town's aqueduct for a bit. It had felt like the city was on fire but just a little north felt cooler. Maybe it was the fresh rain with that dewy smell. Alex's jeans ended up getting grass stains on the butt of them because he sat down in the wet field.

At lunch, we shared a stack of pancakes and Alex let me eat all the bacon. "I can't remember the last time I had a proper breakfast," I said as I chewed into the syrup-soaked fried batter.

Alex chuckled. "It's noon. I think it's more like lunch."

"Shush," I forced him out. I looked around and observed the tiny diner we were in. It's exactly what you'd imagine for a small town with men having coffee at the counter and mother and child having lunch. "I like it here."

Alex nodded with a smile. "You like a small town."

I shook my head. "Just for a bit. Not forever."

*

At the start of August, Matt visited us for a week. He slept on the couch and ate all our food but we all had a great time. Not since Barnsley had just the three of us hung out, especially for an extended period of time. Matt and I—just the two of us—hadn't hung out in close to eight years. Not that we ever were best of friends but it's weird how he had adapted more into Alex's friend than my friend. Nonetheless, he still felt like a brother to me. Or maybe brother-in-law.

Alex went out to the store one evening, leaving just Matt and I and whatever movie we were semi-watching. Matt sat up from his slumped back state, placing his beer on the coffee table. "I'm gonna have a smoke. You gonna join me?"

I giggled. "Oh, Matt, you know just the way to my heart."

We travelled up to the apartment building's rooftop. It was sparse besides a picnic table and a grill. The Fourth of July party had been held up there. Alex and I went for the free food but had to endure several Revolutionary War jokes. Matt sat on one side of the table and I sat on the other, an ashtray between us.

"I can't remember the last time we smoked together," I commented.

Matt lit his up before handing me the lighter. "At least not cigarettes," he laughed. "It's funny. This is all we used to do."

"Used to? Speak for yourself." I knew Matt didn't smoke that much anymore. Not like Alex and I who upheld equality with one another on who was going to get lung cancer first. We smoked enough to decide we'd both probably get it under the same time. Depressing romanticism.

"It's weird to think of a time before you and Alex got together," he said, flicking the ash.

I fanned the smoke away from my eyes. "Yeah. It's hard for me to imagine."

"And you guys are good and all that?" His tone was traced with suspicion or maybe I was just misplacing it there.

"Yeah." He nodded but stayed silent and I grew worried that I was being left out on something but I didn't want to touch it. "And you? Are you good?"

He chuckled. "Yeah. I'm good, Jane."

I joined him in laughter. "Good."

The roof door opened and Alex walked through. "Thought you two ran off."

"We kind of did. We made it as far as the roof," I told him as he walked over to us.

He sat next to Alex and grabbed a cigarette from himself. "Am I joining one of those fabled smokes?" He asked.

"What?" Matt questioned.

I explained, "When we were younger, and used to sit out on the kerb with one another. I call them Fireside Chats like FDR."

Matt laughed. "I was drunk for most of those. Memory is a little fuzzy."

"You're not alone in that." I stubbed at the cigarette and rested my head on my palm. "I don't want to drink tonight though."

Matt raised his eyebrows. "Pregnant?"

"Shut up." I rolled my eyes and wondered if Alex had told Matt about the scare back in winter. "I have work tomorrow."

"Oh," Matt uttered, "little Janie's all professional now."

Alex nodded. "Yeah. What losers the rest of us are."

"Yeah. If Jane of all people can settle down—"

I interjected, ready to fight, "I was not that horrible." Alex and Matt only met me with a stare causing another eye roll from me. "I'm going to bed."

Alex and Matt stayed put and I assumed they were going to have one of their own Fireside Chats. "We'll try and be quiet," Alex told me before I pecked his lips.

I walked over and placed a kiss on Matt's cheek. He slapped his hand over the cheek, wiping it down. "Ew. You slobber like my mum."

"God. What a baby you are." With that, I went downstairs. I'm not sure what time they went to bed but when I left for work the next morning, they were both dead asleep. Not even the sound of me dropping my coffee arose them.

*

Alex was writing something. I woke up and the red light of the clock blared out, the time reading 4:34 AM. I rubbed my eye, scrubbing the dream out of me. His pen moved across the page and he was propped up against the headboard with his notebook tilted under the soft light coming from his small bedside lamp. 

He felt my movement and turned to me as I flipped onto my side to look up at him, his eyebrows knitted. "Did I wake you?"

I shook my head against the pillow. "I don't think so. Why are you still up?" I held the tip of his elbow to keep in touch with him.

"Woke up about an hour ago. Couldn't fall back to sleep." He was scratching his pen up and down across his page, just making lines. 

I flipped onto my back, roughing my hands through my hair. "Probably because it's so fucking hot in here." Our landlord had turned the AC off a week ago when it seemed like it was finally getting cold until the temperatures started shooting back up this week. "I might take a shower. I feel so sweaty." I sat up, throwing my legs off the bed. 

I could hear the smirk in his voice. A light chuckle as he said, "Let me know if you do."

My phone rang. "I bet it's Stacey," I told Alex. "She still doesn't understand the whole timezone thing."

"She's 18 and she still doesn't know about timezones?" Alex questioned.

I sighed as I tied my hair up. "Let me rephrase. She doesn't care about the whole timezone thing."

"Ah," Alex said as I picked up the phone.

I moved into the bathroom, preparing to start the shower as I talked to Stacey. I sat in the bathroom, on the toilet seat, for about 10 minutes before I moved back into the bedroom. "Shower time?" He asked him with a grin that could kill.

"No." I shook my head walking back over to my side of the bed. I threw my phone down on the bed and picked at my fingernails. "My dad had a heart attack."

I could hear Alex closing his notebook but didn't look up. I wasn't sure how to deliver news and make eye contact at the same time. "Is he okay? Are you okay?" He crawled across the bed and stood up beside me.

I dropped my hands and moved past him going to our dresser. "Yeah. No. He's fine for a guy who just had a heart attack. I mean, he'll live and all that." I hadn't realized that I started pacing back and forth across our bedroom. I would stop at our dresser but then I would keep moving.

"Good. Now. Jane. Sit," Alex instructed me.

I listened. He was my guide. I sat on the edge of the bed and tried to figure out what I was doing. "I should go back home."

"Okay. I'll look for flights." He moved for my laptop, sat in my backpack on the floor. 

I stayed on the bed. "Should you?"

He looked up at me. I was looking at his eyes but I didn't even realize what was going on. I hadn't processed anything. I was busy facing the fact my parents could in fact die and that I also was not immortal. Alex wasn't sure what to do or what I wanted him to do. "Do you want me not to go?"

I shook my head. "I'm not sure if I should go."

Alex moved toward me on his knees. He stopped in front of me and leaned over my knees. "I think you should. At least for Stacey."

"Right." I’m not sure if I went for Stacey. She would have Greg and Harper, even my mother, for comfort. I’m not sure if I felt an obligation to go too. It seemed cruel not to show up after a medical emergency but since the move to America, I hadn’t seen them other than during Christmas. They had never visited me. They rarely called me. It made me think that if I didn’t show up they wouldn’t be that shocked. But I knew I wasn’t held to the same standard as them and having a heart attack is much more serious than anything I had going on.

We got into a taxi at some point but I think I was still trying to figure out if I was still in a dream or if we were in fact going to JFK Airport. Alex must have packed the suitcase because I don’t remember doing anything. I became a functioning human being around when we sat at our gate for about 15 minutes. The flight wasn't boarding for another hour. Alex had gotten me a coffee and a glazed donut for Dunkin' Donuts. He got a Boston Kreme and coffee for himself.

He sat with his hand on my knee as I scarfed down my donut as a form of something to do. I wiped my fingers on the napkin and leaned back in my chair with the warm coffee in my hand. "I broke my wrist when I was 10," I told Alex. I could tell he wasn't expecting me to speak. "I sat waiting for my mum to pick me up for over an hour. They finally decided to call my dad and he showed up in 15 minutes. Five minutes less than his drive from work to my school."

"I honestly wasn't expecting the story to go that way," Alex confessed. There’s a million untold stories from my childhood that Alex had never heard. They were tricky for me to go about.

I breathed a laugh, relieving the tension from both of us. "Neither was I. It was right after Tommy and I guess a broken wrist was one step away from being dead." Alex squeezed my thigh and I thought about Tommy. I hadn't thought about him in a while.

We sat together for a moment before Alex bit into his Boston Kreme. The cream smeared over his nose. I laughed, which pleased him even if I was mocking him. “It’s all over your face. You look like you can’t properly feed yourself.”

We boarded the flight and arrived in London a little after 6 PM. I fell asleep after take-off and didn't wake up until the jolt from landing. Alex stayed awake the whole time.

We took the train out to Bath and Greg would pick us up at the train station. Halfway through the train ride, I said to Alex, "Thanks."

He pushed my hair back and stroked my cheek. He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "I've never been to Bath."

I laughed into the palm of his hand. "I'm glad this is working out for someone."

Visiting hours had ended about an hour before we arrived. The family report was that he was fine and Greg drove Alex and me back to the family home. We had dinner together where we mainly talked about my father. Alex and I went to bed after in a stripped-down guest room.

*

We had been in Bath for two days when Alex finally asked the question what I knew he had been thinking since we arrived. "Can we go on a drive?" My car had sat in my parents' garage since I drove it down when they moved. I'm sure they hated it being stuffed in their driveway but Alex was insistent on keeping it so I insisted to my parents to not get rid of it. For some reason, they didn't.

I didn't know much of Bath. Stacey told me she sometimes went to Henrietta Park with her friends so I decided we would drive there. Alex fiddled with things. The radio, the window, the glove compartment. He was trying to check if everything still worked. He missed this car more than I did. I rarely thought about it other than the remarks my mother would make over the rare phone calls that it was still sitting in the garage. 

Alex sighed and leaned back in the passenger seat. "I love you."

I chuckled at the affection but replied, "Love you too."

He looked over at me. I could feel the stare but my eyes remained on the road. "Just getting to do this with you. I love it. I love that we've been in each other's lives for so long."

"Me too."

"We've been together long enough that when I sit here now I'm reminded of how much I loved you then. And, you know, how much I still love you now. More now."

My eyes hurt. I don't think I had cried since we'd been there. I felt overwhelmed by it all. But always him. I couldn't look at him for safety and emotional purposes. I loved him for being there and for being there for such a long time. He had always been my best friend. Even when I had just met him. Like fate. Soulmates or something. "Alex. I have to drive."

He chuckled. "Don't wreck the car now." He kissed my cheek.

*

a/n: well, there we go. i'm very into writing this right now so hopefully have another part soon. i'll probably do a one-off piece before. we shall see...

[male-readerwriter]

Johnny Storm x Male Reader

Title: BURNING LOVE!!

WARNING'S: Language, FLUFF, brief sexual thoughts, headcanons for Johnny Storm falling in love with male reader in the void, Romance

M/N= Male Reader Name/ Male Name.

First and third person POV

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

You were sent to the void after being caught stealing a rare diamond from a museum worth 35 million dollars, it wasn't the first time you've gotten in trouble for stealing- this was more like the 100th or 200th.

You were an international thief, you alone were able to pull off some of the most infamous and greatest robbery's ever. You were constantly in and out of prison but after this well- turns out they were sick of you breaking into places and stealing things so they ended up sending you to the void leaving you to rot with everything else they deemed trash.

You had heard of this place while in prison so you kinda knew it was only sooner or later until you were sent here but you never expected it to be this bad , things were constantly after you as if it wasn't bad enough that there was basically no food in this shit hole you had to deal with monsters, people, and animals chasing you trying to either kill or kidnap you to take you to some women named Cassandra Nova - who the fuck was that?

After a rough day of being chased by people and monsters alike you were getting exhausted and STARVING and you were suddenly getting very dizzy and you could have sworn you saw a man covered in flames flying through the sky fighting off the things chasing you, next thing you know you passed out.

You woke up to the smell of food and when you looked around and it was suddenly night time and you were in a place you didn't recognize, it looked like some type of hideout but nobody was their at least you thought. After rushing over to the food scarfing it down almost immediately a man's voice from behind you laughed saying "look's like someone's hungry".

Who the hell could that be? And what did he want, did he want to hurt me? Dropping the food out of my hand I turned around to see a muscular man in a blue shirt with a 4 on it, my heart skipped a beat. I was still terrified thinking of what he could do to me but damn was he sexy. He took a few steps towards me with his hand outstretched and a warm smile on his face- he seems friendly.

"Hey, I'm johnny. Nice to meet you" I allow him to take my hand, shaking it in a greeting manner "I'm M/N, sorry I was hungry" I respond. Something about this guy intimidated him in a good way.

"No, help yourself we got plenty" he giggles as he lets go of my hand, the smile this guy has is so warming it's lighting up my heart. My heart is beating out of my chest "how did I get here?" I ask taking a bite out of a big turkey leg.

He tells me how he found me and fought off the things after me then took me to his hideout, he says he stays here with a few friends he met who I soon meet named Elektra, Blade, X-23, and Gambit who was my personal favorite other than Johnny. After introducing themselves they all went off doing their own thing not wanting to overwhelm me, I continue eating more food still starving but Johnny stays by my side the entire time still chatting away. There's something about this guy that I immediately wanna cling to and he's not bad looking he can definitely manhandle me any time he pleases the- sorry got off track there, he's just that good looking.

We end up talking for 3 hours straight and I realize my dumb ass has already fallen in love with this man (even though I just met him) there was something about him and he was hot literally. I found out he was able to set his entire body in flames and he could fly all he had to do was say two little words "flame on".

He ended up showing me at a later time, he and his friends explained pretty much everything I need to know about the void then they told me I could stay with them but there was one little problem...

I had to share a bed with Mr. Johnny Storm.

I had no problem with that in any way shape or form neither did Johnny it seemed, though he had kept blushing the first couple of nights I shared a bed with him, after that he started acting a little awkward he'd start smiling everytime I came around, and he started playfully flirting I assumed. After a little while I started flirting back and every time I did he'd start blushing like crazy, which was really confusing considering the way he usually acted before he started flirting with me.

His behavior screamed fuckboy yet he wasn't a bad guy, he never acted like a pig he - seemed like a typical straight guy fuck boy. But he was the most perfect guy you'd ever met and it only made you fall for him more and more.

You assumed he was straight at least but one day when you were walking back into the hideout you heard everyone talking about you so you decided to stay hidden and listen. Somehow they figured out you had feelings for Johnny and before you could even be shocked by that Elektra commented how she knew Johnny had feelings for you as well.

You were flabbergasted, he felt the same way you did and yet he never knew the things you did, everytime he asked how you got sent to the void you changed the subject.

That's when you decided to tell him the truth, you were expecting judgment but surprisingly he was completely fine with it and he didn't care what you did saying you were still a good person at heart. After telling him that you found that it was much easier to open up to him and in no time you both confessed you have feelings for one another.

You were outside going for a walk with him playfully flirting with each other as usually when suddenly Johnny became quite. "Hey, what's on your mind?" You asked and before he could come up with some lame excuse he found himself saying "I have something important to tell you". That's when he told you he had feelings for you, he didn't just have feelings for you, he loved you.

"I'm in love with you M/N, I've been in love with you since the moment I first saw you're fine ass" he said giving your ass a nice smack, and that was the fuckboy part of him coming out but you still couldn't have been happier.

He asked you to be his boyfriend and you said yes, jumping at the opportunity to be in a relationship with Johnny. You were never this kind of guy to rush into some relationship all willy nilly but Johnny was different from any guy you'd ever met before, it was hard to explain -

He was just special, he was Johnny.

The others pretty much ended up finding out we were in a relationship immediately, even though we discussed not telling them at first but it was apparently way to hard for Johnny to keep his hands off me and keep his dirty jokes to himself. So everyone found out awkwardly standing around because Johnny was bad at keep secrets.

It happened I the morning-

He was the last to wake up and the first thing he did was wrap his arms around my waist and shove his head in the crook of my neck mumbling "Mornin babe" just loud enough for everyone to hear it and look over at us shocked we actually got together.

But after about a minute they got over the shock and congratulated us saying things like "about time" or Gambit trying to be sexual and make dirty jokes about the relationship but Johnny is always able to match his freak and make the same type of jokes back. Their banter is always fun to watch.

We all stuck together when we went out incase we had a run in with Cassandra Nova and her gang (I learned she was someone not to be messed with- she's professor X's brother and she's incredibly powerful so I'm the void that basically made her the HBIC and everyone feared her) Johnny liked to act like he wasn't scared of her and he had no problem voicing his hatred for her but I know him- if he had a one on one run in with her he'd most likely end up pissing himself.

There was never much to do in the void but he still tried to do special things for you, like date nights or a walking hand in hand at night when not many people were around to bother you both.

He seems like some typical fuck boy but you knew he was so much more, he was romantic and loved the attention you gave him literally any type of attention you gave him put a big smile on his face and a pink tint to his cheeks, he's such a dork.

He loves cuddles and so do you, it's both of your favorite thing to do to pass the time, well that and sex! you both are pretty wild in the bedroom, and luckily Johnny has a lot of stamina.

Whenever your together it's like time just stops and the only thing either of you care about is each other (you're so wrapped up in each other's little bubble, it's like you were made for each other) he never judged you for who you were even tho you were pretty much polar opposites and he's a hero and you used to be a villain -kinda- but that all changed after going to the void.

In this place you never know how much time you have like you can literally all die at any second, but it doesn't matter as long as you have him by your side you'd happily live in the moment and don't even think about what tomorrow could possibly bring.

He is my world, my human torch....

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Oop.

Literally had no idea how to end this so that's why the ending is so abrupt sorry- also sorry for any spelling errors I didn't proof read.

Hope it was at least a little enjoyable, I'll be better in the future I haven't written in a bit sorry- 🤣 FEM READERS, AND MINORS DNI! go away-

[lovegalor333]

fresh start

part four (chapter 10-12) previous part • next part

word count: 6.9k

content warnings: vomit

Lily

Time was moving fast in my first semester in Connecticut. August had flown by in a whirlwind of classes, new friends, finding my feet at work and navigating mine and Paiges clandestine meetings.

As September dwindled on we debated telling our nearest and dearest hoping to be able to spend more time together outside of our cars and closed bedroom doors. We ultimately decided to keep things under wraps a little longer, the reason going unspoken but the truth was, how could we explain us to others when we hadn't even defined us to us?

I could confidently say that Paige was the only person I was entertaining and I intended to keep it that way. I couldn't speak for the blue eyed girl but I was equally confident that I was the only person she was entertaining. I mean it would be hard for her to have anyone else in her life, between training, classes and work commitments she barely had time to just be and when she did, she was tucked away in a corner of Storrs with me.

We spent most evenings buckled in our cars, taking turns to be the passenger and driver. Paige enjoyed being behind the wheel so I took the role of passenger princess most of the time but I didn't mind. Getting to watch Paige do the simplest of tasks like driving brought me so much contentment.

We frequented the Fro-Yo store we went to on our first date - which Paige now refused to call a date because of its simplicity and spontaneity.

"I want a re-do." She had said when I mentioned our first date on our first return to the store. "Why?" I questioned, not seeing an issue with the frozen yogurt store being part of our history. "Because you deserve more." She told me and promised a 'proper' first date.

I didn't care where I was with Paige just being with her was more than enough.

While our roommates were out, we bunkered down in our apartments watching movies and sharing our favourite TV shows, silently slipping out before anyone returned home and caught us tangled together.

Kelsey was definitely getting suspicious of my actions but I'd been able to play it off, blaming work and an ungodly amount of 'library sessions'. Lucky for me, she had picked up a job which meant more of her time was occupied meaning she was less focused on my whereabouts.

Paige and I still managed to spend time with each other around our friends, it just meant no PDA but that didn't stop the stolen glances and covert touches shared.

"Do you have to leave?" Paige dramatically wined, her bottom lip poking out and eyes hooded making her look like a sad puppy.

"Yes, P." I say peeling myself off the girl that was spread out on her bed, me tucked perfectly into her side like we were two pieces of a puzzle that were made to be connected.

"The girls will be back any second and I have dinner plans with Hannah and Kels." I remind her.

"Fine." She says feigning annoyance.

Paige had texted me to come over after Azzi, Nika, Ice, KK and Ines had left for late Friday classes and I immediately complied. Time with Paige, after a long week of studying and writing up notes for Marcus to turn into articles, was just what I had needed to shut off.

"But I'll see you tomorrow right? You're coming to the party?" Paige asks and I nod my head as I stretch out my hands for Paige to take and I pull her up from her bed.

There was a party on campus tomorrow in one of the frat houses and apparently it wasn't to be missed.

"We're having pre drinks here, come with the girls." She tells me referring to my roommates.

"Sure." I say melting into Paiges arms as she hugged me goodbye.

Before I had the chance to make my escape, the apartment door clicked open and a series of voices filled the once quiet space.

Paige and I quickly released each other from our grips and sent one another a panicked look, the girls were home and what excuse did we have for being together?

Paiges bedroom door was open and anyone in the living room could see directly in and that's exactly what Azzi did.

"Oh hey Lily! What are you doing here?" She greeted, joining me and Paige in her room.

"Hey Azzi!" I replied racking my brain for an answer to her question.

Paige stayed awkwardly silent by my side, thanks P.

We both watched as Azzi looked between us and then to Paiges bed which was a bundle of blankets with a clear mould of where our bodies laid just minutes ago. Her eyebrows raised in a knowing way and she smiled before turning and walking out, back to the living room.

"Well if she didn't already, I think Azzi knows." I laugh turning to Paige.

She pulls me out of the view of the door, "I trust Azzi." She says pressing a short quick kiss to my lips, neither of us daring to deepen it incase another one of her roommates walked in.

I managed to leave Paiges apartment with no more questions asked and left her to explain to Azzi what she'd interpreted.

Saturday slipped quietly away in a mix of alone time and relaxed small talk with my roommates. We were all lounging around our living room, each occupying a corner of the couch, phones in hand.

Kelsey was playing TikToks out loud occasionally turning her phone to the rest of us when there was a video we 'needed to see'.

I was texting Paige, us both excited about seeing each other later on that night. After a talk with her best friend, it was concluded that Azzi did in fact know that there was something going on between us. She had noticed Paige slipping out of the apartment at random times, not returning for hours and her sudden uninsterest to do things she would usually never say no to. Paige reiterated that she trusted Azzi and if she did, I did too.

are you going to tell kelsey?

idk

i feel pretty bad, with our pact and all

kelseys cool

im sure she'd understand

im just too irresistible to keep a promise like that

ha ha.

im not sure what id even tell her

wdym?

well the pact was to stay single

im not your girlfriend?

oh

dont be like that

like what?

dont make me feel bad for questioning what we are

we're getting to know each other like we said

you suggested it

i know, im enjoying it

you also agreed

me too

like a lot

lets talk about this when we're together

ok

I felt bad saying that I wasn't Paiges girlfriend so bluntly but it was the truth and it didn't mean I wasn't committed to her and only her because I was. Clarity on the situation would be nice but Paige was right, we were still getting to know each other at my suggestion to do so.

Yesterday marked one month since we'd met so it made sense that we were still taking things slow but something in me deep down felt like I'd known Paige longer than four weeks.

I was pulled from my thoughts as Madison asked everyone what they planned on wearing to the party and the discussion quickly escalated into a full blown planning session. Outfits, hair and makeup all being a topic.

Paige

"Well she's right. She's not your girlfriend." Azzi said matter-of-factly from her place at the end of my bed.

I had shown my best friend the texts between me and Lily hoping for some good ol' Azzi wisdom.

"I know that but it still hurt to read it. Do you think she's talking to other people?" I ask propping myself up on my elbow so I could look at my friend properly.

"From what you've told me, I don't think she has the time! Y'all spend all your free time together." She pointed out and she was right, if Lily wasn't with me she was either in class or at work and I knew that for a fact because I frequently drove her there wanting to spent as much time with the girl as possible.

"Do you want her to be your girlfriend?"

I hadn't thought about it but I supposed I did, I was just extremely aware what it would come with. Not just a million questions from our friends but also the media and I had a college career to think about it. I knew being with Lily officially wouldn't jeopardise my basketball in anyway but the pressure of a public relationship was something I'd never dealt with before and if I was honest, it scared me.

"Eventually, yes." I admit now fully sitting up on my bed.

"OK, so if you know where it's headed, don't stress the journey Paige."

"I want her to know I'm serious though."

"Then tell her, it's that simple."

Azzi was right, she always was, unfortunately.

Azzi and I spent the rest of the afternoon preparing the apartment for our arranged pre drinks. We did a Target run for supplies and picked up a crazy amount of liquor.

"A party on campus means no DD." Azzi triumphed as we packed several crates of beer and bottles of spirits into my trunk.

If we were ever out drinking off campus, a few of the team always stayed sober to ensure we would make it home safe but that didn't need to happen tonight, the party was in walking distance.

"Music to my ears." I say as we climb back into the car.

"So you're going to let loose for once?"

I almost always volunteered to be a DD, mainly to save myself from deathly hangovers the next morning but also because drunk Paige got very messy, very quickly especially when cameras were around and my teammates had a love of livestreaming.

"Dirty Shirleys all night." I smirked beginning our short drive back to campus to begin getting ready.

I also think a little dutch courage wouldn't go amiss when it came to telling Lily that I was locked in when it came to us.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

For the first time since meeting her, I was nervous to see Paige. Our text conversation earlier in the day weighed heavy on my mind. She wanted to talk about us when we saw each other but I'm not sure a frat house party was the best setting for such a loaded topic. Even though she had reassured me that she was enjoying what we had going on - whatever it was - there was still a voice in the back of my mind that told me I wasn't good enough for Paige.

"Lils, are you ready?" Madison asked peeking her head into my bedroom as I spritzed my favourite perfume on my wrists and collarbones.

"Yep! Coming now." I replied, grabbing my bag and slinging it over my shoulder, my phone, wallet and keys nestled perfectly inside.

I checked my outfit one last time in my full length mirror, I had gone for a simple black mini skirt and white baby tee with some black boots and an oversized leather jacket, before joining my roommates in the living room.

"You guys look amazing!" I complemented seeing my friends fully ready for tonight's party.

"Says you!" Hannah responds, "Paige is going to be like a dog with a bone!"

I look to Kelsey as she says this to gauge her reaction. I had told Paige I would tell her about us but hadn't had the chance to yet. I didn't want to disappoint her at my lack of loyalty to our pact, our friendship meant a lot to me.

"I'm sure Paige has lots of bones." I say trying to play off Hannahs comment but just voicing that made me recoil. The thought of Paige with anyone else the way I'd been with her made me want to hurl.

"And she'd be crazy to not choose you. You're for sure the juiciest." Kelsey quips playfully smacking my ass and we all laugh.

My friends relaxed demeanour about the topic of me and Paige put my anxious thoughts at ease.

"OK, enough with the bone metaphors, lets go!" Madison piped up, leading us out of the door.

Kelsey and I walked together behind Hannah and Madison as we made our way across campus to the girls' apartment for pre drinks.

"What's up?" She asks, nudging me gently. I'd not said a word so far, trying to work out the right ones.

"So..." I begin, "I've kinda been hanging out with Paige a lot recently."

She gasps dramatically, hands over her chest, "Really? I would have never guessed."

I look at her seriously, has it been that obvious?

"Are you mad?"

"Mad? About how long it's taken you to tell me? Yes."

"But our pact...our bracelets...I don't want you to think-"

"Girl, those bracelets cost me like $2, don't sweat it." She says placing a reassuring hand on my arm.

"Really?"

"Really. Besides, I don't know who I was fooling telling myself I'd be single an entire semester. I'm already so bored, I got a job!" She laughs.

"This wasn't my intention, it just kind of happened naturally and the more time we spend together, the more I'm realising how much I actually like Paige." I confess.

"OK lover girl, you've got a lot to catch me up on tomorrow!" She says as we reach our destination.

We take the elevator to Paiges floor, my roommates following behind me as I navigate us to the front door brandishing a number 9 and open it, letting us into the apartment.

"You can tell shes done this before." Kelsey comments and I turn around giving her a cheeky smirk.

"Hey girly pops!" KK greets us as we step inside, taking her time to hug us all.

Azzi and Ice are soon at our sides too, shot glasses in there hands, extended in our direction, "Shots on entry!" Ice announces and I take the small glass and swallow its content.

My eyes scan the room seeing the rest of the team. Jana, Caroline and Kayla are pouring drinks in the kitchen. Ines, Amari, Nika, Aubrey and Aaliyah are huddled around the table focused on some sort of drinking game that involved guessing what number one of them was thinking of. The others were scattered around engrossed in conversation. Everyone was in the living room apart from Paige.

"She's in her room." KK says into my ear as if reading my mind, "You know where that is."

"Thanks KK." I say to the girl as I make my way to Paiges bedroom.

It seems like Paige and I had been quite naive in thinking our movements had gone unnoticed.

"Hello, little miss unsocial." I smile leaning against the door frame.

Paiges head flicks up from her phone in a swift movement at the sound of my voice.

"Hello, little miss..." She looks me up and down and I blush under her gaze. "...hottie. Come here." She motions for me to join her as she stands up from the edge of her bed and I do.

She pulls me into a hug, both her arms slipping around my waist and mine going around her neck, her lips press to my neck and I melt at the sensation.

Suddenly any nerves I had about seeing Paige had disappeared and I don't know why they were there in first place because she has this way of making me feel like nothing bad exists in the world.

"Who are you looking so good for?" She asks, her voice low and husky.

"Oh, I don't know. There's this girl I'm getting to know." I say referencing our earlier texts, hoping to probe Paige into a conversation.

My hopes are answered with her response.

"Lily, I want to tell you that you're the only girl I'm getting to know. You're the only girl I want to know." She tells me, her hands moving from my waist to hold both of mine. Her words were rushed but no less clear and her signature, intense eye contact told me it was genuine.

A smile spread on my face as I processed what Paige had just said.

"P-"

"If you're talking to other people, that's fine." She cuts me off.

"P, you're the only girl I want to know too. Since you shook my hand in the gym, that first day we met, you've been the only girl."

"So you're not talking to anyone else?"

I laugh, "No, I'm not."

"Good because I lied, it wouldn't be fine." She says truthfully and I laugh again at her serious expression.

"How many drinks have you had?" I ask her smiling, now that I'm looking in her eyes, it's clear she's had a few.

"Two, maybe three. I was kinda nervous." She admits, breaking her eyes away from mine and looking down.

"You don't have to be nervous with me." I say lifting her face, my hand staying on her jaw, "I'm all in." I declare before leaning in and connecting our lips. She kisses me back passionately, her hands finding my hips and digging in pulling me closer to her, our bodies pressing against each other.

"All in." She says breathlessly as we break away and we both take each other in for a moment, big smiles of both our faces.

"Ever had a Dirty Shirley?" She asks smirking.

"Never."

"Oh, let me introduce you."

She grabs my hand and leads me out of her bedroom.

Our moment alone made me forget that everyone was just a room away and multiple sets of eyes fell on us as we emerged hand in hand in the living room. Paige didn't seem to notice or care as she continued to lead me to the kitchen.

I locked eyes with Kelsey who was stood beside Azzi, both girls grinning cheesily, and she shot me an exaggerated wink.

Gone were the days of sneaking around.

An ungodly amount of alcohol was consumed in the girls apartment in preparation for the party and it was safe to say we were beginning to feel the effects.

"Can you walk straight and stop bumping into me!" Ice barged KK away from her as we made our way to the frat house.

"I am walking straight!" KK argued but from my view from behind the girls, it was clear she was not at all walking straight.

"OK kids, stop arguing." Kayla fake scolds, pushing herself in between Ice and KK in a attempt to stop them bickering.

I laugh at the girls and the seemingly mundane moment but being here, with them, means the world to me after losing my old friends in the worst way possible.

"You good?" Paige asks me, her arm rested comfortably over my shoulders.

I hum in response and nod my head.

"Why you so quiet then pretty girl?"

"Trying to make sure I can walk in a straight line! Those Dirty Shirleys got me good!" I laughed.

"You know I've got the best taste!" Paige bragged and the once distant sound of music grew closer as we turned a corner.

"Well, I mean yeah, you do have the best taste." I joke motioning down at myself cockily.

"Damn right." Paige agrees, removing her arm from my shoulder and slipping her hand into mine as we enter the frat house.

The house was absolutely packed with people in every room and the music was so loud I could feel the bass in my chest.

"Drinks!" Jana ordered pointing over to the makeshift bar - a kitchen island laden with various different glass bottles, stacks of red solo cups and buckets of ice.

Paige poured us what she called 'Dirty Shirleys on the go' because they didn't have her usual ingredients but she refused to drink anything else.

Most of the girls dispersed in different directions once we each had drinks in our hands but I stayed with Paige, Azzi and Aubrey and we found ourselves next in line to play beer pong.

Paige

Lily and I had taken the L in beer pong and were being forced to drink a concoction of everyones drink mixed together as our forfeit.

"Ugh! That tastes like shit!" She exclaimed, her words slurred as she swallowed down the cocktail, her face screwed up in disgust.

"I'm not doing it." I prostest, my words equally as slurred as Lilys and I cross my arms over my chest refusing to take the cup from Azzi.

"Stop being a sore loser Bueckers!" Aubrey chimed in.

"I'm not! I just don't want to throw up." The mix of shots, multiple Dirty Shirleys and now beer was already enough to make my stomach churn.

"P, there's no way I just did that and you're not going to." Lily chimes in now, hands on her hips, staring me down.

"You're really going to let your girl do that by herself?" Azzi smirks knowing that will get the better of me.

"No...hand it over." I say defeated, taking the cup from Azzi and downing the liquid inside.

"That's fucking nasty!"

"Here, wash it down with that." Lily says handing me my original cup containing my favourite drink.

The sweetness of the Shirley Temple counteracted the harshness of the alcohol mix.

"This is my favourite song!" Lily did a small jump on the spot before disappearing off into the crowd of college kids to make her way closer to the booming speakers.

I followed after the petite girl, knowing how drunk she was and not wanting her to be alone in a frat house full of random people.

It didn't take me long to catch up with her and I admired the girl from afar - who somehow already had another drink in her hand. She moved effortlessly, her hips swaying to the rhythm of the music, her hands held above her head as she sang along to the lyrics.

"Come here!" She called over the music beckoning me to come closer.

I take the few steps needed to close the space between us and Lily latches onto my waist, still dancing until our bodies are moving as one.

We stayed dancing, our hands all over each other as if we're not surrounded by a fuck tonne of other people. People that probably know who I am. People that definitely have social media and could post about what they were witnessing, but I didn't care. Lily was mine and I was hers and I didn't care who knew.

Our moment came to an abrupt halt when Lily stopped moving and shot me a panicked look, "What's wrong?" I ask confused.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

I grab her hand and quickly manoeuvre us out of the crowded room and into the front yard. There's a trash can on the lawn and Lily rushes to it, bending over the barrel and throwing up. I hold back her hair to keep it out of the firing line.

She looks up at me with watery eyes, "I think I had one too many Dirty Shirleys." She murmurs, hands resting of the edge of the trash can to steady herself.

"And the rest." I joke still holding her hair back, out of her face.

"Home?" I sympathetically ask the defeated girl and she nods.

I sit Lily on the porch steps while I go back into the party to let everyone know we're leaving. Kelsey was preoccupied with someone I recognised from the soccer team and Ice reassured me that her and the other girls would make sure she made it home safely.

I get back to Lily and she's exactly where I left her, her head rested on the porch beam, eyes closed. Even though she was extremely drunk and had just thrown up she still looked angelic as ever with the moonlight reflecting on her face, lighting up her features.

I felt bad disturbing her but we had to get home, my apartment was closest so we headed there. I kept my hand securely round her waist as I lead us away from the party.

"Do you feel like you're going to be sick again?" I ask Lily as we enter my apartment, the remnants of our pre drinks still scattered across the living room.

"No, I think I'm good now." She says softly.

I take her into my bathroom, "Stay there." I tell her and she salutes me.

I go into my bedroom and find a t-shirt and shorts for her to wear.

When I return to the bathroom, Lily's perched on the vanity attempting to remove her makeup with whatever she found, her mascara is smudged around her eyes making her resemble a panda and I laugh.

"Some help would be nice." She says handing me the cotton pad soaked in makeup remover.

I take it and she opens her legs, giving me space to move into so I can reach her. Her hands rest on my shoulders as I drag the cotton round across her face removing the last of her makeup.

"There, all done." I say placing the dirty cotton rounds down.

"Thank you Paigey." Lily coos, her hands moving from my shoulders to cup my face, "You're so pretty." She says, her eyes locked onto mine, "Have I ever told you that?"

"You've mentioned it." I smile at the drunk girl from the space inbetween her legs.

"And I mean it, you're like the prettiest girl I've ever seen."

"You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen, Lily Kent." I tell her, my hands now rested on her thighs.

"Even when I'm throwing up?" She pouts.

"Even when you're throwing up." I assure her.

I leave Lily to change into my clothes and I undress myself before getting into bed.

"I think you're just a little bit taller than me." She says emerging from the bathroom my clothes, that fit me perfectly, hanging oversized on her small frame.

"You look cute, now come get in bed." I tell her opening my arms for her to fit into like she has done so many times before.

"At least take me on a date first, Bueckers." She jokes climbing into bed next to me, her head instinctively finding my chest and arm falling over my stomach.

"Oh, I plan on." I say before pressing a kiss to Lily's head, "I'm all in."

"All in." She replies sleepily.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ �� ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Paige

Basketball season was fast approaching. The one month countdown to our first game was on so it was safe to say my schedule was busy. Between training, workouts, classes and work, I barely had time to do anything else. But I wasn't complaining.

I had worked hard over the summer getting as fit and healthy as possible to ensure I'd have an injury free junior year and I felt positive about it as it neared.

Now that everyone knew about me and Lily, it was easy for us to spend time with each other. If she wasn't at my apartment, I was at hers. She'd often sit in on the end of sessions so we could grab lunch together afterwards. I'd meet her after classes and we'd walk home or to the library. Sleepovers we a regular occurrence too, in fact it felt more normal when Lily was snuggled into me than when she wasn't.

Everyone in real life had grown accustomed to me and Lily but we kept things pretty lowkey on social media, never addressing the situation. We'd post a random Instagram story together here and there and we'd both appeared in each others photo dumps over the past few weeks. Lily and I decided this was best for now, she had made it clear that she didn't want to be at the mercy of my one million plus followers and I understood that perfectly. The internet had a funny way of jumping to conclusions and creating rumours and drama out of nothing and I would do everything I could to protect Lily from that.

Of course people had figured something was going on between us pretty quickly, between the minimal photos posted, Instagram comments and infamous Tiktok lives, it was hard to conceal what was really going on. But ultimately, we had nothing to hide, just our peace to protect. Our relationship was private, not a secret and that suited us.

It was Wednesday evening, I had just finished training and checked my phone before leaving the facilities to head home, Lily had text me letting me know that she was wrapping up her day working with the soccer team. They had played a match today and Lily was needed for post match interviews and behind the scenes content during the game.

Selfishly, I was jealous that Lily worked with other teams and not just mine but I knew how much she loved soccer and there was nothing better than seeing Lily happy.

I texted Lily back telling her I'd pick her up from the soccer field and I got in my car and drove the few minutes it took to get there.

"Hi pretty girl." I beamed as Lily climbed into my passenger seat. Any tiredness or irritability that had built up throughout the day completely diminished at the site of the brown haired girl.

"Hi P." She smiled back leaning her body over the centre console and kissing me.

I will never get bored of that.

"How was your day?" I asked as I began the short drive back to the apartments.

"It was good! I've missed watching soccer so it was fun to be with the team today - they're all so nice too. I like them a lot!" Lily said clearly happy at how her day had gone.

"Not as much as you like me, I hope." I joke with her and quickly glance in her direction to find her brown eyes already focused on me.

"Paige Bueckers, there isn't anyone in the entire state of Connecticut that I like as much as you." She says extending her arm to rest her hand on my thigh.

I smile at the simple sign of affection and switch to driving with one hand so I can link my other with Lilys.

"So who have I got to worry about in other states?"

"Oh I don't know, Billie Eilish is walking around somewhere in LA just waiting for me to step foot in California." She jokes.

"Is she your celebrity crush?" I ask realising we've never had this conversation.

"She was." She says simply.

"What happened?"

"I met you." She replies shooting me a small smile, eyes hooded as she looks up from her slouched position.

"Lily Kent, are you flirting with me?" I ask smirking, bringing the car to a halt outside my apartment block.

"It doesn't work when you point it out Paige." She huffs, rolling her eyes at me.

"Oh my bad, my bad!" I say in exaggerated apology, "Go again." I encourage.

She looks as if she about to argue but she doesn't.

"I met you." She repeats, the same hooded eyes looking up at me and this time instead of saying anything, I grab her face with both hands and press my lips to hers.

Lily giggles into the kiss before deepening it, her hand finding the back of my neck.

My phone, still connected to my cars bluetooth, abruptly brought us back to reality as my ringtone blasted through the speakers. Glancing at my car's display screen, I could see it was KK calling.

"Hey whats up?"

"Where are you?"

"Outside the apartment, in my car."

"Perfect! Stay there, I'm coming and we're going to Target to get Tru Fru!"

Before I could even argue with KK, I heard the door close letting me know she had already left the apartment.

"Looks like we're going to Target." I say to Lily and she seemed pretty content with our impromptu trip.

We had nothing planned for the evening, like most nights, we were just going to watch TV and have dinner together and maybe (almost definitely), Lily would end up staying over.

KK bundled into the back seat of my car and proceeded to rant the whole way to Target about how much she craved Trü Frü and how she needed every flavour and how once we got back into the car with our haul she is going to livestream a tatsetest.

Lily

KK, Paige and I had enough Trü Frü in our hands to feed the entirety of UConn.

"This has got to be enough!" Paige exclaimed as she struggled to balance the multiple tubs and packets making me laugh and then in turn I also stuggled to balance my load.

We should have got a cart.

"This is for sure enough, KK." I agreed with Paige.

"Wait, one more Piña Colada packet! Ice will like those." She says opening the large freezer with one hand and grabbing yet another pack of the frozen, chocolate covered fruit.

We carefully made out way to the checkouts each of us doing our best not to drop anything. KK paid, of course, and we left the store with three bags full of the frozen treats.

Getting back into the car, we took our respective seats, Paige in the drivers seat, me in the passenger and KK in the back.

"Y'all cool if we do some taste tests on live?" KK asked peeking her face between me and Paige, elbows rested on the console.

Paige looked to me with raised brows as if to say 'your call' and I nodded, I didn't mind.

I had been in a few of the girls' livestreams since becoming friends with them but I'd always remained pretty silent, almost like a background character. There had of course been questions about me and Paige but as a group, we ignored them and let everyone wonder.

"Here." KK hands me her phone, the live button waiting to be pressed and I prop it up on Paiges dashboard.

Paige leans over and starts the livestream and it doesn't take long for the viewer count to reach the hundreds and comments to come flying in.

The camera pointed slightly more in Paiges direction with her being almost centre of the frame and KK over her left shoulder, I sat half out of the shot, leaning in.

KK addressed her live and introduced me, "This is Lily y'all. You've seen her before." She says and I send a small wave to the camera, "Hi." And I watch as comment after comment comes in.

"Be nice." Paige interjects pointing her finger at the screen.

'hi lily!'

'how do you know the team?'

'so pretty'

'PAIGE'

'ok boom'

'her and paige for sure dating'

KK starts of her taste test and hands us each a piece of the chocolate covered fruit. We start with strawberry - my personal favourite - before making our way through five different flavours. We rank them from best to worst, bickering every now and then when we didn't agree with each other.

"Theres no way you're putting raspberry above blueberry." Paige shook her head in disbelief and I looked at KK in shock, "Yes we are."

"We already allowed you to put peach at number three when it should have been four." KK continues defending our opinion.

"I can't believe you're not backing me here, you love blueberries!" Paige says looking at me.

I hold my hands up in defence, I do love blueberries, "But raspberries are better."

"Unbelievable." She huffs knowing shes outnumbered.

I laugh and reach out a sympathetic hand and place it on Paiges shoulder, "It's OK to be wrong babe." I say and as the words leave my mouth, realisation hits and all three of our heads snap towards the propped up phone.

As if we're frozen, we all stare at the live stream and the influx of comments.

'OMG'

'yall heard that too?'

'BABE?'

'i knew it!'

'damn lily is lucky'

KK is the first to speak, "Alright..." She says bringing herself forward to be inline with me and Paige, "not too much on my girls now." She reaches out and grabs her phone bringing it close to her face so its just her in the frame, "Love y'all! Bye live!" And she ends the stream.

"I'm so sorry!" I blurt slapping a hand over my mouth. I look at Paige and her expression is hard to read until she breaks a smile and bursts out laughing, "It's fine, Lily." She says pulling me into a hug over the console.

"It's just force of habit." I say referring to the pet name.

"It's fine," She says again, this time looking into my eyes, "everyone's going to find out eventually, you're just...speeding up the process." She jokes, squeezing my hand in reassurance.

"Y'all sorry to break it you but you are not slick. You didn't fool anyone with your sneaking around so I doubt you're fooling anyone else, especially with those IG comments." KK remarks from the backseat and Paige and I laugh.

The devil works hard but fan pages work harder. By the time we're back at the girls' apartment, not only had all of my roommates sent me screen recordings of my slip up but Azzi and Nika had practically knocked us over as we walked through the door.

"Y'all couldn't be lowkey if you tried." Nika laughed as we all sat on the couches, KK proudly packing her Trü Frü into the freezer.

"We're starting to realise that." I say looking towards Paige who sat slouched behind me.

"I don't think there'll be much backlash," Azzi says, "people want you together at this point!" She continues to scroll through her phone, "Look." She turns her screen towards me and Paige and an edit of us to Taylor Swift - False God played.

Clips had been taken from livestreams, including tonight's, videos from our stories and even a few moments from the open training when Marcus and I interviewed Paige and they had been edited together with a screenshot of mine or Paiges comments on each other posts appearing every few seconds.

I blushed watching the short video and turned to Paige with red cheeks. Her hand had been toying with the hem of my shirt and her fingers gently grazing across the bottom of my back, she extended her arm out and wrapped it around my waist pulling me to her. My back was flush with her chest and I was completely encased in her arms now, "Looks like they love you already." She says into my ear before pressing a kiss to my temple.

"I hope so." I say back genuinely wanting to be liked by Paige's fans.

"They'll see how happy you make me and they'll have no choice to love you." She says pushing us up off the couch so we're standing.

We both had had long days and it was getting late and I could tell Paige was tired so it came as no surprise to me when she asked if I wanted to order Chipotle and watch Greys Anatomy.

"What are you doing on Saturday?" Paige asks as we brush our teeth, getting ready for bed.

With a mouthful of toothpaste, I shrug my shoulders.

"Well don't make any plans." I look at her confused, "I'm taking you on a date." She says proudly.

I spit the toothpaste out of my mouth and grin up at the blonde haired girl, "Really?"

"Yes, really and its a surprise so no questions." She tells me and I pout.

"Don't give me that face pretty girl." She says as she takes my hand and leads me back to her bedroom.

"But how will I know what to wear." I protest.

"You always look good, it doesn't matter." She says far to casually for my liking.

"How about a clue?" I prod giving Paige my best pout and fluttering eyelashes combo.

"How about you come lay down and watch Greys with me? This is one of my favourite episodes." She says from her place on her bed where she was laying, one hand behind her head and the other outstretched to me.

I give in and shuffle myself over to Paige and lay next to her. Her arm instinctively wraps around me and pulls me closer, so close I can smell the minty toothpaste she just used.

As we watch the episode I can see why it's one of Paiges favourites.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

[f1writingbyme]

Hi everyone,

This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever written, and I never thought I’d be sharing something so deeply personal. But here I am, reaching out, hoping that someone else out there might understand this journey, this longing, this ache that I’m carrying. I don’t have a big following, so I don’t know if this will reach many people, but if there’s a chance it connects with even one person who’s been through something similar, it’ll be worth it.

My boyfriend and I have been trying to start a family. For over two years, we tried before finally going to our GP, who sent us straight to a clinic. It’s been a year of treatments now, a year of hopeful highs and crushing lows. We tried IUI (intrauterine insemination) four times – four times our hopes rose and fell. Then we turned to ICSI (intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection) because “traditional” IVF wasn’t an option for us.

When I had my egg retrieval, they collected a lot of eggs, but only four turned into embryos. Four. Just four chances to hold onto this dream.

Today, we found out that none of those embryos made it. We’re back to square one. All those hormone shots, every bruise, every drop of blood, every ultrasound, all the mood swings, the endless hoping and praying – only to have to start from scratch. I can’t describe the exhaustion, both physically and emotionally. You go through the medications, the appointments, waiting, and waiting, just to start all over again. It feels like it’s breaking me.

We’re going to try again because we still hold onto this hope of having a baby together. But we also have to face the reality that it may never happen, and that thought shatters my heart. Watching others around me get pregnant, hearing news of new babies… it’s so hard to see, and it fills me with a mix of sadness and anger that I can’t even fully explain. I don’t want to feel this way, but it’s the truth.

I feel so alone in this. None of my close friends or family have faced something like this. I’m reaching out here, hoping to find someone who understands, someone who has been through this kind of pain and hope and heartbreak. I feel like I could just disappear, like the ground could open up and take me in, but here I am, holding onto a sliver of hope that one day, somehow, I’ll get to hold a little miracle in my arms. Until then, I’m trying my best to be patient, even when it feels like it’s breaking me.

I want to thank @lestappenforever, my best friend in the entire world, for being my rock through all of this, even from miles away. You never push, you never overwhelm me with questions — you’re just there, right when I need you. That kind of support means more to me than I can put into words. I love you. ❤️❤️❤️

I don’t know if anyone going through the same thing will see this, but if you do, please reach out. I’m here to talk, to listen, to be there for you, but also to share my story.

You’re not alone in this. Please hold onto that. ❤️

I'm going to be a lot less active on here. I'm sorry for that (if anyone cares) but I need some time to myself. Mona and I will be back on the 1st of December with something fucking amazing which I hope you all love ❤️ I want to thank you all for your support and I love you all.

[theunfairfolk]

Four rabbis are debating scripture out in the garden, and one of them notices he's continuously outvoted by the other three even though he's absolutely certain he's right. At a certain point, his frustration gets the best of him and he stands up, raises his hands and and says "My Lord, you must know that this is the right way, gives us a sign to let us know!"

As soon as he has spoken, a cloud materializes out of nowhere, moves in front of the sun and dissolves again.

The other three look at him, at each other, go "Well... That was certainly unusual, but the weather's been acting up a bit lately, so this does not really mean anything", and just continue with the discussion unmoved.

The fourth rabbi, increasingly desperate, again stands up and calls out "My Lord, they continue to defy your word, please send another sign to help them see the error of their ways!"

This time, it's not just one cloud, but the entire sky darkens, a thunderclap sounds and a bolt of lightning hits just next to the other three rabbis. They're startled, but after catching their breath conclude that no, you don't see that every day, but it's late summer, thunderstorms can come in surprisingly quickly, we're out in an open garden, there's no lightning rod on top of the synagogue even though there really should be, etc. So this still doesn't mean anything, we'll stick with our viewpoints thank you very much.

Now absolutely livid and still outvoted, the fourth rabbi gets up one final time, stamps his feet, raises his hands and shouts "Oh Lord, you who created all, for the love of your people and the ways of the world, make your will known, so that it must be clear even to these stubborn mules!"

And a booming voice fills the sky, "HE IS CORRECT"

The other three rabbis look up, look down to their colleague, and finally one says:

"That's still three against two"

[danothan]

Just reading some comics and saw a panel I thought you might like. :)

ah fuck, characters reminiscing always get to me ;__;

but i will never ever get over that fond way these two talk to and abt each other. especially when they’re poking fun, you can just hear the love in their voice it’s SICK.

the halbarry love language is annoying each other, but even more than that, it’s being each other’s exceptions

[architectural-sims]

Haussmann meets Bauhaus

[kyouka-supremacy]

Well.

[kaerinio]

alright, i am here! i'm super tired from everything surrounding the surprise party i threw for my partner . . . bUT GOD, THE EXHAUSTION IS SO WORTH IT! 🥹 the party was last night, and he was so shocked. i've never seen my partner like shocked-shocked before?? he is usually pretty unflappable. but when he walked up the stairs and saw everyone and they shouted "surprise" HE JUST LOOKED SO HECKIN PRECIOUS? he was shocked and confused and so excited. he just went "hi" very quietly 😂 to everyone?? then turned to me with the widest eyes, like he literally couldn't believe any of it. he had a great time! 🥹

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF PRIORITY: SUR'KESH

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, and Urdnot Wrex With: Lt. Steve Cortez, Dr. Mordin Solus, Major Kirrahe, and Urdnot Bakara And a Special Guest Appearance by: Adm. Steven Hackett Alliance R&D has officially begun construction on the Prothean device. The team has dubbed it: "Project Crucible". We're throwing everybody who knows how to throw a hammer at it. This is gonna be the most ambitious undertaking in human history. I'm not saying it won't be a challenge- but we can do this, Shepard. You can do this. Never doubt that. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

+BONUS (the smirk™️)

[clannfearrunt]

Oh yeah heads up if you’ve gotten your discord username update I’d recommend checking your friend request settings to make sure it’s still set the way you want:

Earlier, I was confused and annoyed because I had gotten a couple of friend request from users I don’t share any servers with. That shouldn’t have been possible, because I had turned off the “Everyone” tab at the top way back when I first made an account, and had it kept that way. But! It seems like Discord had flipped the “Everyone” tab back on after I got my username, which allowed random people to simply search my username and send a request. Very cool (sarcasm).

Anyways if you care about this kind of thing then give ur settings a check just in case!

[local-ginger-snap]

You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

...I joke to cope fellas, its better 'ta laugh then cry-