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starlight-time-machine · 1 year ago

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Week in Review

10/29/2023 – 11/04/2023

Sunday

Started the day off rewatching Starry Diamond, which Revue Starlight put on their YouTube channel to promote the Starry Session Band Live. I first watched this live when I wasn’t fully into my Starlight phase, so watching it back is really fun… Maho always brings the drama, and Mimorin showing up during Fly Me to the Star is so sweet… Fancy You was really emotional too…

Handsome Must Die’s ending was, as expected, bombastic. It was surprising that Yuri never revealed who she really was, I personally would’ve loved that moment of connection (and because I ship Yuri with Go), but I guess there wasn’t any time. In the end, I’m just glad to see Yuri, Go, Inukai, and Ban live their best handsome idol lives. Overall I’d say Handsome Must Die is a 6/10 for me.

Undead Unluck was pretty amazing, I don’t even have any insightful things to say other than that. The reverse roundtable is an insane reveal, and I’m really looking forward to learning more about it.

As soon as I saw all of them in that goddamn van again I knew they were going to get into another accident LMAO (Ichinose). Things were wrapping up pretty neatly beforehand, with the parents just being like we’re sowwy Sota and the family taking their long-promised trip together, but of course something went wrong because Taizan 5 reserves the last page of every single chapter for a twist. I’ll reserve my final thoughts for when the manga finishes, but overall I’m just relieved that it’s almost over. I’m pretty sure this accident is just a fake out to have an ironic cliffhanger moment, but if they genuinely have amnesia in the next chapter then lol. Lmao, even.

The Oshi no Ko chapter was pretty solid, it’s great to see things from Memcho’s perspective. I’ve always enjoyed how mature and coolheaded she is under that :3 streamer shell. Considering how pretty much all of the past characters and even whatever that little girl is are being brought into this production, I wonder if this is going to be the final arc…or perhaps the lead up to Aqua (and Ruby?)’s final confrontation with their father…

Dandadan 126: C’MON RIN!!! FULFIL YOUR IDOL DESTINY AND SING!!!

Magilumiere 89: I liked that little detail of Niko raising his hand to his face like the classic ojou-sama ohoho laugh. AND LMAO HIM BEING HANDED THE NON-ALCOHOLIC CIDER… But other than that, there are some dark rumblings happening at this party… I’m excited for next week.

Hmmm I’m a little tempted to drop Akane-banashi and check back in once it’s ended, but I do want to keep seeing Karashi…but it just feels like they keep introducing new characters with new gimmicks and I can’t keep any of them straight anymore.

One Piece 1096: Woah…younger Garp looks good…woah we got a lot of young designs…and little Kuma is so cute…and it’s so bittersweet to see Kuma and Ginny enjoy their freedom…

I’m intrigued by this new Chloe character in the SpyFam chapter. It’s great that she imparted some truth to Yuri, but of course he takes the wrong lesson from it lol. It’s interesting to see that he seemingly has a single moment of realization that Yor would be sad if Loid was arrested (before he denies it in a cognitive dissonance sort of way), but I can imagine this dynamic coming into play when the inevitable final conflict finally rears its head. In general, I’m kind of itching for some shift in the status quo of SpyFam…I know we just had a close call between Loid and Yuri, but that’s all it was, a close call, and now we’re back to none of them knowing anything about each other… but I imagine the mangaka would want to stretch this series out as far as they can, so we still have a ways to go.

Cipher Academy 46: YAY ANON-CHAN APPEARS! And I love that her fake name card also got slashed lol AND YOSAIMURA??? OH MY GODDDDDDD YESSS I LOVE WHEN GIRLS ARE SCARY AND THREATENING WOOOOO AND WOW I think this is the first time we’ve truly seen a crack in Kogoe’s cool demeanor…and Yosaimura’s hand on Kogoe’s cheek is so sjdkfjgsjhdfkl her ikemen vibes are absolutely insane. I’m also curious about this air graveyard Kogoe mentioned? And I wonder why she’s worried about Kyora (and Iroha) to the point of stacking the deck in their favour…is it just because of their friendship? Or is there a genuine threat in this metaverse? LMAO ANON LEARNING HER LESSON FROM THE TRILEMMA AND JUST THANKING YOSAIMURA we love to see growth. Aw she’s so cute with a flower in her hair…and this duo is really interesting. And the next chapter is looking to be really fun! God I love Cipher Academy!!!

Monday

I had already started reading volume 2 of the Kusuriya light novels a while ago, but I continued today on account of feeling the itch for more Kusuriya. I feel ambivalent about this Outer Palace arc though – I like the ambiance and the characters and the politics of the Rear Palace too much to really enjoy this new setting, and it feels like the some of the mysteries are just plopped onto Maomao’s lap without her really having stakes in them. From reading the manga, I know that these seemingly disconnected occurrences are indeed building up to something, but I’m looking forward to getting that over with and returning to the Rear Palace.

I also continued watching the Starry Diamond live – finally the other schools make their appearance! (It’s really funny seeing the bottle of ponzu just chilling on the stage…foreshadowing for later). Oni Kurenai was so fun, as was Chou ni Natte, but of course my oshi school is Siegfeld. It’s so sad that Yume couldn’t make it though… but Platinum Forte was great, Nossan’s head voice in the “higeki to kigeki” line was great, and Rose Poems WAS INSANEEEEEEEEEEE AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Nossan and Tonopii’s voices go so well together and their harmonizing is so beautiful and the DANCE and the HAND HOLDING and the WISTFUL GAZES this brought me back to my AkiShio era so hard.

After Rose Poems, we started getting into the Starry Diamond songs, and I remember the lead up to this album/live so fondly…listening to the previews on loop…trying to predict the groups/who would win the revues…I even bought the album off of Japanese iTunes so I could get my hands on the full Zeus no Chuusai as quickly as possible…yeah, the story elements of these songs kind of went nowhere, but the songs and performances themselves are still a blast. FutaKao’s bickering/flirting is so cute…also this is a cool chance to see the other schools’ weapons in use. It’s also interesting to see the beginnings of this FutaKao TamaRui square dynamic when they were still working out the writing before Arcana Arcadia completely changed the landscape.

OHHHHHH MY GOD FUMI AND SHIORI DOING THEIR LAST REVUE INTRO LINE TOGETHER IS SO AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AND FUMI AND SHIORI FIGHTING!!! AND MINNA DE LET’S PONZU!!!! AND FUMI SHIORI DANCING TOGETHER!!! Zeus no Chuusai will always be a banger. Oh my god Aiai looked so stunning when she claimed Position Zero… also it’s so funny how this became like the first of five times where Fumi and Shiori reconcile with each other…sisters are just like that huh. Also it’s really interesting to see how the non-Seisho costumes are so rudimentary at this stage, they really improved things for the stage play versions.

Aghhhh I’m so so so sad that Yume couldn’t make it to this live, Gyoshite literally has a bunch of my favourite girls in it and she would’ve slayed the performance so hard… YESSSSSSSSSS SATOHINA WITH THE BARSSSSSSSSS Agh Yume would’ve been so good at this choreo… I like how when Lalafin hits the ground with her hammer, Junna and Yuyuko jump to avoid the shockwave like she’s a Mario boss…

WOAGH the way Maya and Nana combined their last revue intro lines was so cool… MIKORON SPINNING HER SCYTHE AROUND LIKE A…LIKE A WHIP OR A LASSO OR SOMETHING JSDFKLSJDF Okay my Nana oshi friend is going to kill me for this but I can’t help loving Maho in this song SHE IS GIVING 1000%!!!!! SHE IS SADISTICALLY DELIGHTING IN DISARMING BANANA AND HER MANIACAL EVIL SMILE IS SOOOOOOOOOO AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH This really was a Betrayal at Crete…

And then the emotional whiplash of going from Betrayal to Procyon, which is just a bunch of puppies running around lmao. But it’s cute, and Haruki just nails that baton toss. I have similarly little to say about the final song, but Nossan’s voice harmonizes so well with Momoyo and Mimorin’s. In hindsight, it was probably a little silly of us to theorize about who’d win each revue when there was absolutely no way they were going to let Kukugumi, the ones that like 80% of the audience were there to see, lose to some random girls from the mobile game. But hopefully that’ll change for the Arcana Arcadia live (I’m still holding onto hope)…

God Mimorin’s solo lines in Star Divine give me the chills every time… AGHH MIMORIN CRYING IN HER CLOSING REMARKS AND EVERYONE HUGGING HER AND TEARING UP… I REALLY DO LOVE KUKUGUMI… Revue Starlight is just a magical franchise because it really feels like everyone involved with it loves it wholeheartedly and is in awe of its brilliance… I’m really glad that I’m alive to experience this franchise. Now I’m super super super hype for Starry Session, the first real Kukugumi live in like four years…

Read a bit more Kusuriya before I fell asleep, and felt so relieved when we were finally plopped back into the Rear Palace.

Tuesday

Finished reading Kusuriya volume 2. Despite the somewhat rocky road it took to get to the end, it’s satisfying to learn about Maomao’s family and give her parents a happy ending. Also, I didn’t think too much of Basen’s introduction in the manga, but seeing him being explicitly described as being close to Maomao’s age and disposition makes me wonder if he’ll be involved in a love triangle with Maomao and Jinshi in the future…obviously Maomao and Jinshi are endgame, but I wouldn’t mind some more romantic drama since Maomao is so fun in her obliviousness in this sphere.

The new Chainsaw Man chapter was fun, it’s great to see Quanxi back in action again.

I got started on Kusuriya volume 3 because I couldn’t help myself, and I love being back in the Rear Palace again. Maomao navigating the social climate in regards to Gyokuyou’s pregnancy is already super compelling, with her paying attention to the details of her clothing and any substances that have suspiciously made their way in…this is the level of drama I’m down for.

Wednesday

I read like two more pages of Kusuriya volume 3 but I was mostly just busy today.

Thursday

The same thing happened today OTL

Friday

I think I’ll always be itching for my Undead Unluck anime fix every Friday, and here we are. It’s a more lowkey episode both in story and in animation, but after last week’s episode I genuinely don’t mind. I’m all for productions taking a break on some episodes to focus their energy on other, bigger episodes…like next week’s, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Andy shooting his fingers at the Round Table only for everyone to parry it is such a cool intro…and it’s fun to get a glimpse into what everyone’s deal is. I love how chill Billy is, it’s very funny :) And surely he’ll be a chill guy for the whole show right haha. And Juiz is sooooooo cool aghhhhhh and the reveal that this is all in the name of killing God is so fun hehe and I love the slick typography they did when they were explaining the quests… AND SEAN MENTION WOOO Also I liked seeing some of the Shaftisms creep in in the episode’s direction lol I feel like I lose my vocabulary so badly when I talk about the Undead Unluck anime, like all I can say is it’s cool or fun etc. but it is!!!! I’m having so much fun!!!! I haven’t had this much fun with a shounen battle series since One Piece or Hunter x Hunter!!! I once saw a tweet about how a lot of modern shounen try to imitate Naruto or Bleach, but Undead Unluck is one of the only ones that set out to imitate One Piece and I think that’s so accurate… It really feels like there’s a whole world to explore, with so many different characters and abilities… I was a One Piece kid growing up so I’m definitely in this camp of shounen philosophy, and I’m having such a great time with Undead Unluck’s modern take on it. I’m so excited for next week!!! I hope I can see my boy Shen be unsettling!!!!!

Saturday

Kusuriya also had a pretty lowkey episode this week, but I enjoyed Maomao doing her little mushroom hunts and handiwork projects, as well as the Jinshi/Maomao moments. But next week’s Garden Party is what I’m really looking forward to.

SpyFam’s cruise ship arc is starting off strong! It’s fun to see Loid being the comic relief while Yor gets an emotional arc where she re-examines her feelings to this constructed family of hers and her career. I also love this arc for its structure, where a bunch of people converge onto one point or location. As Anya would say, it’s all very waku waku.

#week in review #2023

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mailboxmerchant · 3 years ago

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BAD DAY

tldr:naib is mfin horny after a match wit u bae n ur both in love with esch other and equally needy but dont knoe‼️

character: Naib Subedar - mercenary

fandom: identity V

warnings: SEX!!! who could have guessed, also rough/dom naib, swearing, power bottom(lmao)/fem reader, perhaps some masochistic type a stuff but not crazy, less goooooooo

(this is like. just horny. no thoughts. only horny)

As sweat beaded down his forehead, you watched Naib angrily smash the keys of a decoding machine. Something was up, but your teammate just never seemed to let on when something had gone wrong. This match was going fine, you had three more ciphers to go, and everyone was still up and going, only two of your teammates being injured. The hunter was struggling to find any of you, and with each of you teamed up with another to decode, you were all feeling confident in a victory to the survivors. So why was Naib so stressed?

“Hey, Naib?”

“What, y/n?��

His tone was sharp, and he snapped back instantly. Someone was clearly cranky. What did you even do?

“Are you...feeling okay? You seem...tense.” You kept your tone neutral, preventing there to be any negativity for him to react to. Before he snapped back, he missed a calibration and alerted the hunter of our position. Still not talking, Naib wrapped a braced arm around your waist and made a dive into a pile of cardboard boxes and other various recyclables. “Shut it, y/n. Hunter’s comin’.”

You went quiet, but still, his commanding attitude could be done without. You squirmed in Naib’s grip, at which he grunted, and tightened his hold on you.

He was started to really make you worry. Naib was usually a calm, collected rescuer, who often would be more reassuring when you were being hunted. You promised you’d figure all this out, just maybe after the match ended.

The danger passed, quite literally, as Hell Ember jaunted around the trash pile you were hiding in. Naib’s grip got even tighter around you as the hunter loomed closer. “N-Naib, I can’t-” Naib didn’t seem to give a damn for what you had to say as he slapped a hand over your mouth. “I said, quiet.” His tone was worsening, he was really pissed, huh?

You couldn’t deny yourself though, hearing him sound so stern and having him grab at you so suddenly really threw you off. Your ever-so-secret crush on Naib was keeping you from feeling angry about any of this, in fact, you were almost happy to be so close, even if he was being rude.

Finally though, you decided that you needed to get back to the matter at hand. Leo was gone, and Naib had to let go of you sometime. You made more of an effort to move, and Naib finally dropped you. Quickly, you jumped back on the machine as the Merc slowly crept from the box pile to return to his typing position. “You know, you could have been caught if it weren’t for me.” He sputtered, quieter than before. “Th-thank you...? God, Naib, what’s your issue today?” You spoke more questioningly than upset, hoping he wouldn’t hear the annoyed undertone in your speech. “It’s nothing you’d understand.”

Alright, you were giving up for the remainder of decoding time.

Silently, you both finished the machine, and you made a break for the opposite direction of Naib. You figured you could have some alone time to just decode, calm down, and prep for the ending leap where you’d have to play a guessing game for which gate Hell Ember would be waiting for you at.

Taking a break from running, your steps grew light as you began to pace yourself. “y/n!” As you looked through the fog, you discovered that Edgar was awaiting you with a half done machine. “Edgar! You’re here!” You made a quick greeting to the painter before getting back to business. Small talk wasn’t necessary between the two of you, as the ability to decode calmly was leaving both of your skillsets as your heartbeats became slowly more audible.

“Come on, y/n, we can finish this, just don’t look away from the calibrations. Stay focused.” Edgar gave you a light tap of the palm to your head as he smacked the sides of the cipher. Your pace increased, as did Edgar’s as you had merely a percentage left. Someone else’s machine popped off, and yours a second later.

Determined and brave, you made off like a bullet towards the southward exit gate. Sneaking around a broken pillar, you sighed at the sight of a clear gate. Edgar clearly didn’t share the idea that this was the correct gate, so you could only hope he was hiding and waiting it out to escape. Actually, it seemed like everyone picked the wrong-

*SLAM*

A large hand suddenly slapped down on the decoding pad next to yours, frightening the hell out of you. You prepared to meet your doom when you turned around, but instead met a glaring Naib. “N-Naib! Jesus, you scared the shit out of me!” “Where’d you run off to earlier!? We were supposed to be decoding together.”

His tone from earlier was still present, so....clearly he was still peeved about something you did. “W-well I just thought-” “You thought nothin’, y/n. Just keep decoding.” Your crush wasn’t protecting him any more. Letting out an anxious and angry grunt, you turned back around to the coding pad, slamming the rubbery keys down as you decoded.

So that’s how it was, then, huh? Fine.

“Naib, you’re a real asshole.” You huffed as you finished the gate, and stormed out, not evening looking back to see if he OR Hell Ember were following.

Once back in the manor, you rushed back to your room, the embarrassment and guilt from your actions following you quickly after.

Keeping up the angry façade, you slammed your door behind you before running to flop on your bed. Holding your pillow close to your face, you yelled into it, hoping it was enough to choke the sound.

“Damn it, Naib...” You closed your eyes, hoping to wake up with a renewed confidence that way you wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of your words.

The sound of three loud, harsh knocks on your door awoke you from your rage nap.

“OPEN UP! COME ON, I ALREADY KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE, Y/N!!”

Naib? Again? Now what...

You begrudgingly sauntered to your door, cracking it open to peek out. Only, Naib pushed right through your defenses, pushing both you and the door back. “Hey!”

Naib was more forceful than before, walking quickly in your direction, and even quicker, cornering you against your bed. You fell onto your behind as Naib gave you a harsh push. “What is all this?! You’ve been acting weird since we started decoding together in that match, and you’re totally out of line! I didn’t even...do anything...” Your words lost their force as you trailed your eyes downward. So that’s why he was all pent up.

An obvious tent in Naib’s pants was what your eyes met with, and even though your cheeks began to blush furiously, you averted your gaze and tried to pretend that you saw nothing. “J-just get out of my room.” You grumbled, no longer able to keep eye contact.

“I just came to talk, y/n, don’t throw me out.” Naib shifted his body, effectively pinning you to the plush mattress, a hand on either side of your head. You ‘hmphed’, and curtly turned your face away from him.

“D-don’t act all pissy,” he grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him, “you’re making it so much worse!” Your eyes still just couldn’t meet his, the heat between the both of you running down between your legs. Sliding a knee between your thighs, Naib leaned down to speak gruffly into your ear.

“This is all your fault, you know.”

“N-Naib! I-” but your words were quickly vanquished by a pair of warm, slightly chapped lips slamming down on your own. A slight graze of his teeth on your bottom lip gave you more excitement than you’d ever felt in any match, and you immediately parted your lips to feel Naib’s wet tongue slick into your mouth.

You let out a quiet noise, enough for him to notice. After what felt like an eternity (seconds) of making out, Naib pulled away to hold your face in one hand, squishing your cheeks harshly between his fingers. “So...that’s how you feel, huh?”

You were flustered, but it wasn’t going to take away what your nap earned you. “You were being so awful in that match, but I still...love you, Naib. I didn’t know when or where to tell you, but if you’re gonna do it first, then by all means...” You gestured to Naib with a smirk.

Hungrily, Naib practically shredded your clothes off, each of his hands attaching themselves to your chest as he kneaded your soft breasts between his fingers. Your quiet pants were driving him absolutely insane. He loved every little exhale that escaped your mouth, settling to nip and suck at your neck, whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Telling you how much he needed this, how long he was waiting for this, how he wanted you.

An abrupt end to the sensations in your chest were replaced by a hand sliding underneath each of your thighs. Lifting them up to his shoulders, Naib quickly unfastened his belt, a look of giddiness flashing across his smug face.

Diving his head down to meet his forehead to yours, Naib snatched your panties off in seconds, aligning himself painfully slow. As he slid his length slowly into your entrance, you dug your fingers into his hair, which was messily tied into his usual ponytail. Hissing at the feeling of you tugging his hair, Naib pushed all the way inside of you, earning a mewl of both pain and pleasure from you.

"Ah, but wait..."

You winced as Naib suddenly pulled his length out of your entrance, the emptiness being too much to bear. "I'm an asshole, aren't I?"

He was going to make you eat your words.

Almost literally.

"Get up." His harsh tone was back, but it only served to make you feel hotter than before. Giving a shy nod, you got to your knees as Naib stood at the edge of the bed.

Nervously eying him, you gaped at his length, wishing you didn't say those words before so he could drive you insane with pleasure with it.

Stupid y/n...

"Well?" Tired of waiting, Naib took his hand to the back of your head, pushing you closer to his body, your head colliding with his chest. The sudden wholesome warmth was quickly replaced as he pushed you downwards near his manhood.

You began to comply as you opened your mouth, feeling as he gave a slow first grind into your throat. You choked immediately, but didn't pull away. Not yet.

Breathing quickly through your nose, you began to suck aggressively with no warning, pulling a gasp from the previously snarky Merc.

"Ga-hah! y-y/n...." Pulling off with a 'pop', you went back down to give small kitten licks to the tip of his cock, earning little shifts of position and pants from Naib.

"Stop....stop teasin' me...." was all he could huff out. You slid the entirety of his length in and out for a quick throat fuck a few times, feeling the tears prick at your eyes. In your own way, you were making him pay for being so snide earlier. “Screw you, y/n. Have it your way.”

Your torture paid off!

Naib firmly pushed you back down on your stomach, grasping your hips and pulling you close to his own hips. Letting out a satisfied hum, you felt as Naib quickly align himself with your entrance once more.

Giving you no time to readjust again, he fully sheathed himself inside of you, your insides stretching once again to fit him inside. “Hah....shit, Naib.....” You cursed, grasping tightly onto Naib as he pushed you both down, beginning to thrust wildly in and out of you. Every pounding slammed harder against the entrance of your womb, the suction of your warm, wet insides also providing intense pleasure for Naib.

“Oh fuck, y/n, you’re...so tight...” Naib panted loudly into your ear. Neither of you were even remotely worried about the other manor residents hearing either of your moans racketing off the walls of the creaky residence.

“G-god...I c-can’t...hold on...” You whimpered pathetically as your dug your fingers into Naib’s scalp a second time. As your begging for more became louder, you felt the knot in your stomach grow larger, tighter, and more overwhelming than you’d ever felt before. You could feel Naib’s hard and precise thrusts growing sloppy, and you knew you were both getting close to climax.

“y/n....y/n....I’m gonna...” Before his sentence could even be finished, Naib’s thick cock twitched harshly inside you as you felt his hot seed pour into you. The spreading warmth was enough to send you over the edge, your juice quickly spilling out to mix with his own.

Slowly pulling out, your precious mercenary promptly collapsed on top of you, his head coincidentally landing in between your tits. You sighed hazily, riding off your previous high as you wrapped your arms around his head, and slowly letting your eyes close in exhaustion.

a/n: so sorry if theres any typos/grammar-spellin mistakes. i rushed the end bc i had this cued for FOREVER, enjoy babes <3

#identity v #idv #idv naib subedar #naib subedar #naib subedar x reader #idv x reader #identity v x reader #mercenary #idv mercenary #identity v mercenary #idv fanfic #identity v fanfic #mercenary x reader #naib x reader lemon #naib subedar smut #naib x reader smut

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tiredassmage · 2 years ago

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loyalties & betrayals

Aka that thing I said I’d play with about Iokath. Or at least it’s first rendition. An ambitious first rendition, because apparently I decided “let’s tackle (a) Tyr’s feelings about Acina saying that, (b) my desire to see Malavai Quinn and Tyr in the same room, and (c) that bastard new agent on the block who’s absolutely an ass for causing problems and let’s do it all in the same little fic.” Or at least introduce it.

So, while I stew over whether or not that is WAY too damn ambitious for me, lmao, I will merely release it here and it can maybe get added to the ao3 collection once I decide whether or not I want to keep all three of those pieces in the story. Bc right now it’s just my three latest and hottest ideas all squashed into one little fic and internal me is still trying to figure out whether or not that’s a little insane.

Anyway, the only warnings for this one are some minor spoilers for the premise of the War on Iokath, no content warnings apply, etc, etc. Featuring primarily Tyr and Theron (bc ofc) and potentially introducing Wraith as an Actual Problem for them and also potentially introducing Malavai Quinn as a new variable for Tyr and Theron, oopsie.

TLDR? Acina tells Tyr what she really thinks of his Intelligence career, Theron and Tyr try to wrangle with how a former successful Cipher-turned-Alliance Commander siding with the Galactic Republic totally burns more than a few bridges, and I unleash Wraith upon them all to potentially (definitely, if I let him) cause many, many problems relating to this whole incident for them much, much later.

---

“Intelligence should have retired you when they had the chance!”

The stinging barb had barely registered with him in the moment it flew from Empress Acina’s lips; the immediate attack of Imperial forces on the Republic position had left him no time to lick the reopened and salted wound.

Tyr closed his eyes. He’d dreaded a day like this coming. As the Alliance’s efforts shifted to recovery in the aftermath of Vaylin’s defeat on Odessen, the inevitability of being made to choose sides once more crept back in slowly, lacing subtly through his veins as a slow-acting poison would.

Backed by the Eternal Fleet and a remaining standing army, he’d always known - or at least suspected - that the Empire and Republic would not long tolerate their presence.

He’d still desperately hoped that Valkorian’s defeat would finally leave him free of his last ties to the Empire. Foolish.

“... Commander..?”

Tyr blinked. He’d not heard anyone approach him; luckily for him, it was only Theron’s voice that finally cut through his troubled thoughts.

“Yes..?” He looked over his shoulder, confirming it was, indeed, his lover that had joined him.

“I thought you might want to know that a team caught up with Major Quinn,” Theron reported as he joined Tyr in overlooking the Republic base. “He’s being brought into custody as we speak.”

A slight frown pulled at Tyr’s lips. “Any sign of the other one, the sniper?”

Theron shook his head in the negative. “The troops reported a minor firefight, but couldn’t confirm his presence and they found no sign of him when they apprehended the Major. For now, the Major has claimed ignorance about his associate’s orders. Not sure how much of it I believe.”

The Commander’s frown set more deeply into his features. “Then we can probably assume he went scurrying back to Acina,” he said, a faint, anxious growl tainting his words subtly. “That bodes ill for all of us.”

Theron folded his arms across his chest with a concerned frown, watching his lover carefully. He’d barely met his gaze once. This wasn’t like him. “Tyr..?” His name barely caught his attention. “Hey…” He butted an elbow into Tyr’s arm, unwilling to accept ‘no’ for an answer. “What’s up with you? You’ve been off-balance ever since the fighting stopped.”

And why wouldn’t he be? Theron realized. He couldn’t lie; he’d been relieved he wouldn’t be fighting the Republic today, no matter how awkward the family reunion would be. (Little could have made it worse short of choosing his former-Imperial Cipher boyfriend over the Republic, so he was grateful he wasn’t going to have to explain that one any time soon).

But Tyr would. If they hadn’t started shooting first, he supposed. That he’d chosen the Republic, Theron’s advice, over a standing arrangement with the Empress, his own home, he…

Well, he’d been trying to avoid ever thinking about what that might be like. And yet he’d all but begged Tyr to do exactly that.

“What?” Tyr asked, finally half-dragging his gaze from the soldiers filing back into the Republic base below them. The glaze over his eyes seemed to finally start dissipating.

Theron frowned worriedly. “Tyr… Are you alright..?”

Where to even begin..? Tyr shook his head slightly, but turned away from him to drag a hand over his face.

Cipher. Outlander. Commander. Traitor. It was all catching up to him and he wasn’t any better prepared to face it, even with an entire Alliance behind him, than he had been on Marr’s ship, or Ziost, or, hell, the frontlines of the battle for Corellia. It was hard to make contingency plans for shit like this when he’d expected his… “stunts” to catch up with him much earlier than this.

“I’m… It’s been a long day, Theron.” And there’s so much I haven’t told you. And now was not the time to begin. Not with Acina doubtlessly seething and plotting their demise - and in the middle of a Republic military base.

Some sick irony this was, wasn’t it? This was not how the double agent had ever quite imagined revealing his cards.

And they still didn’t have the Eternal Fleet back online. Some alliance they offered, huh?

“I admire the line you walk between ingenuity and obedience… Just ensure it does not leave you without recourse.”

Doctor Lokin would have been disappointed, he thought. He’d quite thoroughly burned his bridges today between scorning Acina’s partnership and putting military support behind the Republic forces here with no real guarantees. If that superweapon was half as powerful as Lana’s predictions, he didn’t like the idea of anybody having it, even the Alliance alone.

“I… I can’t imagine what I’ve put you through…”

Pain laced through his chest. He looked sharply back at his boyfriend and shook his head, certainly this time. “Theron, don’t,” he pleaded softly, “I made the call. I knew what the consequences might look like.”

It was sickening and… almost funny, in a twisted way… A part of him had longed for the day he’d be able to say those words, and yet, now that it was here…

Well… A part of him had dared to hope for better circumstances than these, no matter how naive it’d been in the first place.

“No, I… I asked you to do something I… I’m not sure I’d be able to do… Or handle half as well, at the very least,” Theron said, his hands settling on his hips as his gaze fell to the ground. “It… took a lot to stand up to Acina like that, I’m sure. And… I’d be lying if I said it… wasn’t what I wanted you to say…”

A weak half-smile crossed the Commander’s lips. “Theron, if I didn’t value your input, I wouldn’t have asked for it,” he said. “And… need I remind you that I love you..?”

Theron smiled faintly in return. “Yeah… I just… If I pressured you today…”

Tyr shook his head. “No,” he said. “Acina broke our standing agreement. She knew that when she brought her forces here. We didn’t win a war against Zakuul just to submit to demands closer to home.”

That’s… what he’d maintain, at least. It was the answer for the Alliance.

“Besides, I… have my history with Acina… I… I should have suspected something like this sooner rather than later.” Darth Acina, formerly. He should have known better than to be taken in by their alliance on Dromund Kaas after it had been the Council that-

“Tyr?” Theron’s brow had knitted in concern again. “Is there…?”

The Commander’s head dropped and turned away from his lover once more, lest he reveal the weakness that threatened to break him.

“Not here,” he said. “It… It was a long time ago. We have a war to worry about.”

A ring on Theron’s holo saved him from scrambling for any further covers. It rang again as Theron hesitated, watching him in his worried way.

Tyr cleared his throat and shook his head, slipping back into the collected facade of Commander. “That’s probably your team,” he said. “Put them through. I’d like to speak to the Major upon their return.”

“Tyr-”

“Not now,” Tyr clipped, though it hurt to cut off the one person he knew he could have spoken to. “Later, I promise…”

“Alright,” Theron sighed. “But I’m here for you if you need it, alright?”

“I know.”

“Alright... Then let’s see what they’ve got,” Theron said as he pulled out his holo.

“Commander!” A soldier flickered into view and snapped off a salute. “Glad to see you, sir! We have the Major in custody, as requested.”

“Very good,” Tyr replied, “If it’s alright with Commander Malcolm, I’d like to speak to him. Alone, preferably.”

“I’m sure it can be arranged, sir. I will inform him at once. He can meet you at the center of base, sir.”

“Very well. We’ll be there soon.”

The soldier offered a final salute in closing and Theron stashed the holo again. “Wanna let me in on your plan for this one?” he asked.

“Major Malavai Quinn,” Tyr said, “Lana’s told me a bit about his service our people managed to dig up. I want to see if I can convince him of some reason.”

Theron cocked his head curiously. “‘Reason?’ You want to turn him on Acina?”

“He isn’t the first one the Empire has used and left behind,” Tyr said with a mildly grim frown, “If I can get through to him, the information he has on her operations could be invaluable. And we need information on that agent she sent with him. Codename ‘Wraith.’ If that’s the same Wraith I know about, it can’t be anything good.”

“Well, that sounds delightful. Do I wanna know why?”

“Former Sith Intelligence agent, and a young hotshot Cipher operative promoted when the Treaty of Coruscant went up in flames, back before the Council gutted Imperial Intelligence,” Tyr explained. “Brutal. Reckless, even, some said. But overall efficiency kept him on the payroll - not to mention the influence of a few Sith Lords.” The Commander frowned, rolling his jaw in consideration. “I want a strict do not engage order out to our forces if they find him. He’s dangerous, Theron. And we don’t know nearly enough about what he’s doing at Acina’s side to risk tangling with him yet.”

“Understood. I’ll get the word out while you have a chat with our Major. Shall we?”

“Yes,” he agreed. “The sooner we find an advantage over Acina, the better.”

#swtor #dot plays the star war #ch: tyr #swtor fanfiction #will i follow up on this? a mystery #i feel slightly better having brought it into some sort of messy existence though #i think my hesitance with enacting this entirely is 'damn how complicated AM i going to make this poor boy's life for real?'#my silly little oc npc thoughts vs the corresponding mental gymnastics of keeping all that shit straight that i'd tweak to make this real #anyway its midnight what's the worst that could happen!!!

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catxtopia · 4 years ago

Text

Lips Of a Stranger} Chp. 10

Author: catxtopia

Ship: Billdip ((fluffy))

Characters: Dipper Pines, Mabel Pines, Bill Cipher, Gideon Gleeful

Summary: The Night Vale AU no one asked for.

Author notes: I am back on my bullshit, lets finish this.

Read: ao3

((HOHO Betcha thought you saw the last of me.

Four years late but hey I fricken finished this shit! I sat down literally yesterday after a kind person commented that they still wait for updates on this story (srsly so sorry and you're so sweet holly heck, never say comments don't totally motivate a writer) and finished this. I already had this chapter written many years ago but I didn't wanna post it until I finished the rest (so sorry for my dumb past self). So this one sounds pretty much the same as the rest of the story, however cannot confirm for the rest of the work.

I haven't written in ages, I don't particularly like writing anymore if I am being honest. I am not great at it but I have a lot of ideas lmao. So I just wanna preface that the ending... probably not great lol. I will have a full report on the last chapter, however, on my old ideas for this story and what I thought it could be. There is probably a lot of plot holes and unanswered things but I tried^^;;;

Anyways, I'll upload either every day or every other day depending. But this shall finally be finished lads! (also no beta, we're animals here)))

“You found it!?”

Lying still, yet menacingly, on the kitchen table was a maroon journal with a black number 1 inked firmly in the center. It was larger than an average book and much worse for wear, the red leather was ripped and mystery blotches were smudged in several different locations on the cover. Mabel and Dipper stood around the object that had been of desire for so long. Neither made a move to touch it, treating it like an old relic—which it very well could have been as far as Dipper knew.

“Yeah, it was in this wired compartment in a tree outside.” Dipper scratched lightly at his chin, eyes roaming over the book. His fingers itched with curiosity for he had yet to open and examine the contents inside. He wasn’t sure if he should, waiting for Cipher seemed like the logical option but that required calling the man, followed by seeing him again, and the thought of meeting gold eyes sent his stomach through all kinds of loops. Thus, his phone stayed promptly in his pocket where it felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.

“Compartment in a tree, huh?” Mabel repeated, a confused look crossing her face. She, too, moved her hand to rub lightly at her chin in thought. “How’d you come across that?”

Dipper stiffened ever so slightly, and then casted a glance at his intrigued sister. He cleared his throat and shifted to stuff his hands in his pockets roughly. “I just, ya know, fell against it.” He shrugged, trying his best to remain cool—which was, to say, impossible when it came to Dipper Pines.

“Fell against it, hm?” Mabel’s eyebrow slowly started rising.

“Yes, I fell against it!” Dipper sputtered, looking away towards the book again. “The details of how I found the book aren’t important. What is important is that I found it !”

Mabel stifled her giggles as much as her lips would allow. “Whatever you say, Bro bro.” She mused and leaned over the dusty object, intentionally ignoring the tomato that was now her brother beside her. He’d been through enough teasing this morning, she’d let him off the hook this once. “What do you thinks inside?”

Dipper leaned back against the kitchen counter, crossing his arms over his chest. “No idea.” He quietly thought back to the times he and Cipher were looking for said book. A distant memory of going to the junkyard and the words black magic and demons , danced in the back of his mind but he elected to ignore those warnings. If the book really was dangerous, there was no way Cipher would be looking for it. At least that’s what Dipper told himself.

“Are you going to open it?” Mabel quirked a brow, eyes not leaving the book.

Dipper shifted against the counter. “I don’t know, Mabes. Maybe we should wait for Cipher to open it first.”

Mabel pursed her lips and squinted at the book.

There was a long pause, the only sound being whispers from the TV playing in the other room. Then Mabel, with a big intake of breath, announced loudly: “I am gonna open it.” And quickly flipped the front cover open.

“Mabel!” Dipper yelped, but his words fell on deaf ears as the young girl turned another page, and then another. “Mabes, seriously, be careful with it! We don’t know what it is, it could be super old and crumble at human touch! Who knows what—”

As Dipper rambled on and on, Mabel’s quick movements tentatively began to slow. She flipped only one more page before stopping and taking in a soft gasp, voice riddled with distraught. “Oh my gosh.” She whispered breathlessly. Dipper paused in his ranting, staring at the back of his sister's head since he couldn’t see the book around her. “I can’t believe this.”

“What?” He inquired, a drop of unease plopping into the pits of his stomach. Mabel’s shoulders were tense; body rigged with what Dipper could only assume was fear. She looked as though she was witnessing a demon rise out from the pits of hell, or at the very least like her sweaters were being set aflame. And throughout it all, all Dipper could hear were McGucket’s warnings ringing loud and clear inside his jumbled head. “That books bad news I tell ya! Black magic, raising devils, kinda bad news! Nothin good ever came out of that thing.” Dipper cringed at the voice. “What is it?”

“It’s terrible…” Mabel whispered, leaning further over the book. Her hair draped over the yellowing pages, eyes hidden behind thick bangs. “Cipher, he’s…”

“What? What about Cipher?” Dipper stepped closer. He could feel his heart thump a little faster with each step he took towards his sister.

“He’s a…” The girl moved back, turning swiftly to face her brother. Her face was red and cheeks puffed out, eyes leaking frustrated tears and— “ He’s a giant nerd just like you!” She exclaimed dramatically, throwing one hand towards the opened journal and another over her stomach as she doubled over laughing.

Dipper stared, dumbfounded as his sister flopped onto the tabled to keep from falling onto the floor. She was wheezing and stomped a foot every so often, trying to regain her breathing. He couldn’t believe this. “Mabel.” Dipper squinted hard at the girl. The only answer he got was more laughing and a few arm flails. “Mabel, you jerk.” Dipper sighed, but a small smile was tugging at his lips.

“Oh! Oh!” Mabel giggled, laughter beginning to die out into soft gasps. “Oh my gosh, yo- your face!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dipper rolled his eyes. “You got me.” Behind his ribs, his heart was still pounding with adrenaline. He willed his limbs to stop their jittery shakes and calm the hell down. There was nothing to worry about, Mabel was just being her usual dork self. He looked towards the open book finally, now being able to get a good view of it. “So what’s in this thing, anyways?”

Having calmed down a bit, Mabel slipped across the kitchen in her fluffy pink socks, clamped onto the fridge handle and yanked it open to retrieve a can of Pit Cola. She juggled it in her hands, closing the door again with her hip. As she snapped the can open she explained lightly, “Looks like a dictionary for supernatural stuff to me. Really wired, it’s all hand written and stuff.” She paused and took a big gulp of her drink.

Dipper nodded and examined the scribbles and notes about different creatures. His eyes widened the further he flipped from page to page, completely entranced with the object sitting before him. It was no wonder Cipher wanted this thing, the stories he could produce with the book would be endless!

“This is amazing.” Dipper breathed. Gnomes, Zombies, Ghosts, this book was like a paranormal junkies Holy Grail.

Mabel hummed and jumped up onto the counter. “It makes sense why Cipher would want this. I am sure he will be happy you found it.” She mused, swinging her legs back and forth to the rhythm of a song stuck in her head. “Now you guys don’t have to go searching anymore! That’ll probably be a big nuisance off his shoulders.”

Dipper hummed absentmindedly as he drew his finger along the edge of the book, a thin layer of dust bunched up and latched onto his finger. He pulled his hand back, pinching the ball of dirt between his thumb and index finger till the grains rolled off his skin. He wondered briefly how long the book had been in that tree for, and for what reason.

“No more long hours trekking through stores and the occasional dumpster. I wonder if this old thing will help him with his work, or if that’s even what he wanted it for.” Mabel muttered against the rim of her soda can.

Dipper’s fingers instantly stilled, entire body freezing like someone had pushed a pause button on the boy’s life. No more long hours trekking through stores and the occasional dumpster . The words bounced around in his head several times and every repeat left a horrible taste in his mouth. He gulped and dropped his hand, brushing it harshly against his faded jeans. “Yeah, don’t know.” He bit out.

A minute ago he’d been excited to see Cipher’s reaction to his discovery, because damn it he was proud! And maybe boasting a little in the ego department. Now dread was filling up his core. No more time with Cipher…

Mabel slurped at her drink loudly, oblivious to the way her brother scooped up the book with a hesitant hand. “So, when are you gonna tell him?” She looked up past her wavy bangs, confused to find Dipper retreating towards the stairs at a quick pace. “Dipper?”

.:.:.

Dipper paced along the length of his bedroom, feet scuffing against the hardwood floor. He could practically feel the wood splintering away with each step he took. It was only a matter of time before he’d run a rut in the floor. He could hardly bring himself to care; however, as he gnawed at his thumbnail in a simple attempt to help distract his brain.

This was stupid, Dipper was stupid. He could hardly believe he was even thinking about the train of thought that he was. Not telling Cipher about the book? What kind of nonsense was that? He had to; it was his moral duty to give up the journal to the radio host. Otherwise, everything they’d done together thus far would be for nothing. The whole reason Dipper was being kept around was for the sole purpose of finding the book.

And once you give the book up, you won’t have a reason to be around Cipher anymore , Dipper thought sullenly. He turned once he paced as far as he could towards the door, changing direction to continue shuffling back the route he came towards the triangle window above his bed. It was a vicious cycle, this back and forth, back and forth. All the while he kept his eyes glued on the ground. He paused when his irises caught sight of a neatly folded pile of clothes at the end of his bed. Black jacket, pants, yellow scarf… A flash of blonde hair and the feel of rough bark against his back blurred past his eyes.

There would probably be no more of that once he gave up the book. Dipper lightly drew a finger against his chapped lips. If he thought hard enough he could still feel the pressure Cipher’s smooth lips had left against his own.

“Oh man.” Dipper mumbled aloud. Here he was worrying over some scraps of paper sewn together, while he should be questioning the fluttering in his chest from earlier interactions.

Cipher had kissed him and he’d be lying if he didn’t say he thoroughly enjoyed it. Both Mabel and Pacifica will be delighted to rub it in his face once they find out.

Dipper dropped onto his bed with a frustrated groan. Everything was happening all so suddenly, so fast he couldn’t make left or right of the images flashing before his eyes. And it was all because of that darn radio host with his perfect golden hair and otherworldly eyes. Not to mention his lean body that fit so right against Dipper’s the night before, warm like a blanket and oh so comfortable… Dipper shook his head quickly, expelling any further thoughts of Cipher’s body.

Really, Cipher was too handsome for his own good. It was practically supernatural.

Dipper snorted at the thought and fell back against the bed. He stared up at the ceiling, a soft sigh fluttering past his lips. What to do, what to do. He slid his hands up to rest on his chest and began tapping his fingers against his worn shirt.

“So you tell him.” Dipper muttered to himself. “You tell him about the book. It’ll make him happy, probably further his show somehow and bring in more listeners, which will make his work life better.” His fingers paused in their tapping, then slowly started picking up a rhythm again as he let another thought enter his mind. “Or you don’t tell him, you continue looking for the book as if you haven’t already found it and grow closer. Eventually he’ll forget about the book and move on, which will make his personal life better.”

“You don’t tell him and possibly ruin his career .” A voice that sounded eerily similar to Mabel’s rumbled in the back on his head. Ah, the voice of reason. It was bound to come poking its ugly face in here eventually.

“I don’t necessarily know if it’s for his show.” Dipper grumbled, sinking a little further against his bed. Great now he was talking to himself.

“What else would he need it so badly for?”

“I don’t know, curiosity? For a collection, maybe? His life revolves around the supernatural; it’s not that farfetched to want a journal filled on the subject.”

“So you’d rather keep the object of his desire away from him, in the hopes you become that object for him instead. That’s quite selfish.”

“Well no one asked you.” Dipper huffed and rolled onto his side. He stared aimlessly out the triangular window nearby. The sun had already begun to drip close to the tree line, casting an array of colors throughout his room. It was beautiful, really, all oranges and reds, and the occasional pink glow scattering across the shack's rustic interior. His eyes followed the colorful trail of light right back to the pile of clothes at the end of his bed. He stared at the yellow scarf for a long while before he worked up the strength to reach for it.

The fabric was so soft, softer than anything he’d felt before. It was probably really expensive. Dipper tugged the material fully into his palms and laid back down. He held onto the scarf like a blanket, running the pads of his fingers over the kind stitching. “Maybe he won’t leave once he has the book.” Dipper thought aloud once again. He was starting to make a habit out of talking to himself apparently.

It wasn’t like he wanted to keep information from Cipher, especially news that’d make him happy. The paranoia engraved deep in his soul that the man would eventually forget about him if they had no reason to be around each other was just too overpowering. Even though there was a good chance Cipher liked hanging around Dipper for Dipper and not just for his searching skills. It was a big chance, honestly. You don’t just kiss someone you plan on ditching. Cipher seemed like a better person than that, anyways.

But doubt was always louder than hope.

With a quick glance at the clock—which already read 5:10PM—Dipper decided he’d allow himself to sleep on it. It was already late so there was no use calling up Cipher now; he wouldn’t be able to come by until tomorrow anyways.

Settling on that, Dipper rolled over and closed his eyes. Super wouldn’t be ready for another hour or so and a nap sounded like a pleasant idea in the meantime.

.:.:.

Three days.

It’d been three days since Dipper found the old journal hidden in a tree. The journal, which a certain radio host had yet to know, was within Dipper’s possession. It had been shamefully tucked away in the brunet’s desk under a pile of scrap papers. It wasn’t the greatest hiding spot by any means, but Dipper didn’t feel comfortable leaving the relic under his bed or somewhere in his closet. At least in his desk, the book didn’t face any chances of getting ruined.

He stuck the poor book in the bottom drawer with the intention of returning to it in a week – because a night to sleep on deciding to give the book to Cipher just wasn’t enough. He simply wanted a little more time with the radio host to assure he wouldn’t ditch him. That was reason enough, right? In one week time, the book would be given to the blonde man. Until then, Dipper proclaimed he’d live with the guilt and enjoy some downtime with the host.

And what a glorious three days it had been so far. Cipher had been spending a large majority of the days hanging around Dipper’s work again. They’d continued their little routine, but the silence was filled with a lot more bashful glances and sly smiles. The kiss hadn’t been officially mentioned, but the implication that both of them equally enjoyed it and wouldn’t mind doing it again was pretty clearly expressed.

When Dipper wasn’t shackled to his job at the bookstore – and Cipher by extension – they usually ended up spending time around town or the radio station. Very rarely were they away from each other’s side. Not that either was complaining. However, every so often when Dipper would glance Cipher’s way, he’d feel a ball of guilt nibbling away at the core of his stomach. He couldn’t help thinking about the things he was hiding from the man. It didn’t feel right, but at the same time he couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it.

“Do you like your job?”

Cipher blinked open his eyes and tilted his head a little towards the brunet lying somberly beside him. They’d been lying outside on a patch of drying grass a short ways from the radio station, simply enjoying the last few drops of autumn. The sun was high above them, basking them in a nice enough warmth that they only needed light jackets. Cipher was currently wearing the sweatshirt he had borrowed from Dipper a few days prior, having yet to give it up. Not that Dipper really cared, he felt slightly prideful seeing the radio host wearing something of his.

Cipher shifted his arms, which lay beneath his head. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.” He looked back towards the calm blue sky. “It’s fun, I like being able to talk about whatever the hell I want for a living. I am not the biggest fan of having to hide behind a curtain all the time, but it comes with the job.”

Dipper hummed, mulling over that information. He flicked his fingers against the zipper on his jacket. “Why do you have to be so secretive? I doubt anyone would like… attack you or something if they knew who you were.”

Cipher chuckled and turned on his side, arm bent and hand holding up his head. Dipper moved in a similar fashion so that they both faced each other. “There are a few reasons. Gideon thinks having me be unnamed makes me more mysterious, that not only the show holds secrets but even the host does.” He shrugged. “Plus, I like being able to live my life without interruptions. I would get annoyed pretty quickly if people were stopping me on the streets or spewing nonsense about me in teen magazines.”

Dipper twirled his fingers around a few blades of grass, tugging them lazily as he listened. “And here I thought you liked attention.”

“Oh don’t get me wrong, I do! I would love people bending at my every need, but I have standards. I wouldn’t be able to sit here with you like this if I was open about my identity, and that’s not something I am quite willing to give up.”

“I guess that… makes sense.” Dipper pondered. “So you’re a man full of secrets then?”

“I am a man with many angles and lots of knowledge of various topics, who happens to also like having a private life, so if that makes me secretive then I guess I am. However, since I like you I’ll tell you my secrets,” Cipher leaned forward, lips curving into a seductive smirk. “for a price~”

Dipper’s cheeks flushed a soft pink, “Oh really? And what’s your price, Cipher?” He mused, putting up his best confident front.

“Hmmm,” Cipher’s eyes flickered from Dipper’s eyes to his lips then quickly back again. “I don’t know, it’d probably have to be something really pricey since I’ve got a lot of secrets.”

Dipper snorted and rolled his eyes, “What like my soul?” He joked and playfully wiggled his eyebrows.

If one were to have blinked in that moment they probably would have missed the way Cipher’s eyes widened and sparked with wonder for a fraction of a second. He continued to smirk at his companion before rolling onto his back to stare up at the sky once again. “Something like that.” He hummed pleasantly. “I am sure your soul would be a beauty.”

Dipper scoffed and flopped over onto his stomach, arms crossing beneath his chin. He closed his eyes and snuggled a little deeper in his jacket. “Don’t all souls look the same? Like a smoking white ball.”

“I think you’ve been playing too many video games.” Cipher flicked at the edge of Dipper’s ear, earning a small yelp and glare from the boy. “Souls come in all colors and shapes, kid. The more corrupted the soul, the worse it looks. What the world considers ‘sinners’ usually look black, less smoky, more goopy. Like a ball of hot, bubbling tar. While good people are bright, wispy, and usually emit a color.”

“You seem to know a lot about this.” Dipper mumbled into the curve of his arm.

Cipher chuckled under his breath. “Call it a passion of mine.”

The two fell into a comfortable silence after that, lying happily beside each other with only the whispers of wind and occasional tweet of a bird filling the silence. They lay close enough that their arms brushed and with a little maneuvering their hands slipped into each other without question.

It was nice, being able to be together like this without any distractions. To simply enjoy each other’s company. Dipper really didn’t want to let this go, and yet as he peeked past his bangs at the still figure beside him, he knew that he would.

“Hey, Cipher.” Dipper said just barely above a whisper. He watched the blonde’s eyebrow twitch but his eyes remained closed.

“Hm?”

“I gotta tell you something, it’s kind of important, it’s about the b—”

Just as the words were about to flutter out of his mouth, a shrill ring of a phone smacked Dipper’s train of thought straight from his head. His lips latched shut and eyes looked down at Cipher’s glowing pocket, which the man was quickly moving to reach.

He flicked the device on and squinted at the screen as if it had personally offended him. Whether that was because it had interrupted Dipper or not, the boy wasn’t sure.

“Sorry, just an email.” Cipher’s expression lightened considerably as he turned the screen to face Dipper. “Look at this cat jumping in and out of boxes! Giffy sent it. Cats are so silly!”

True to his word, there was a cat hopping into different sized boxes with a small message from Giffany at the bottom of the screen. Dipper smiled softly at the ridiculous video. Of course Cipher would find cat videos funny, what doesn’t he find funny? Dipper thought for a moment and came to the conclusion that, nope, Cipher could get a kick out of anything.

As he watched the video play through, Dipper couldn’t help his eyes wandering to the corner of the screen where a list of information sat. At the top of the list was a name, one that had Dipper’s heart stalling. “Uh.” The boy muttered very intelligently.

Cipher tilted his head to the side and furrowed his brows at Dipper’s odd expression. “What? Don’t tell me you don’t find cat videos funny. Cause I don’t think this relationship can work if—”

“Bill?”

#it's done bby #two more chaps #shall update tomorrow #billdip #my writing #lips of a stranger #billdip fic #fanfiction #fic

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s-j-ace · 5 years ago

Text

The Same Question

Chapter Four

Characters: Shuichi Saihara, Ouma Kokichi

Words: 10040

Summary:

After Detective Shuichi Saihara encounters mysterious thief Kokichi Ouma for the first time, a game of cat and mouse ensues as both men ask themselves the same question. Why exactly does the elusive phantom thief do what he does?

This is Chapter Four, Here are Chapters One, Two, and Three

Read on AO3

[Log of Text Messages from Rantarou Amami’s Cellular Device]

From: Me

Hey Miu

I got a friend I’m dropping off in Taipei tomorrow

Could you lend him a room

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Idk

I’m a busy genius

Is he cute

From: Me

[Image description: A candid photo of Shuichi Saihara sleeping on a seat in Rantarou’s private jet.]

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Hell fucking yes

From: Me

Awesome!

Thanks for being a good friend Miu

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

From: Me

Also btw

He’s Kaede’s ex

So as a good friend you know he’s off limits right

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Oh fuck you rich boy

From: Me

Thanks again Miu! --- [Log of Messages sent via Discord to “Dinosaur soccer world Is a Cinematic Epic” from ???’s Cellular Device]

Boss sent an image to the chat

[Image is a screenshot of an image which reads the following:

Draft 1, Uncoded, DO NOT MAIL.

Taka, sweetie, it’s me! Your dear Aunt Sally. I know you think I died in the war, but I just pretended so I wouldn’t have to see your ugly face again.

You know I was robbing a museum the other day and I met the nicest young man. Real sharp and very nice eyelashes. And what a quick learner!

Oh, Sorry! I don’t mean to belittle you Taka, dearie, I know how your mother used to say you worked so hard to compete with the geniuses of the world…

You’ve still got a lot of work to do, I think. It must be that Type A personality of yours, holding you back. I’ve heard there’s a new class for people like you, “How to take the giant metal stick out of your ass 101.”

I can’t wait for the next family reunion! I hear it’s going to be a bomb! I’ll be in the open casket.

See you there,

-DICE

/End Image Description]

Boss: Thoughts, thots?

Jack: Lol “nice eyelashes”

Clubs: It looks good. :)

Rook: Looks fine to me

King: Why is his aunt’s name Sally, isn’t he japanese

Boss: Sally can be a japanese name

Spades: I can’t even say an l sound. It’s impossible for us japanese smh.

Rook: I thought u were lesbian not japanese

Bishop: I’ve seen you speak perfect english

Spades: lol seen

King: seen

Boss: seen

Jack: seen

Rook: seen

Bishop: I meant heard ok

Boss: oh nvm actually i'm going to change it to his grandpa’s name

Boss: his grandpa has a wikipedia page lol

King: if your grandpa has a wikipedia page you deserve to be oppressed

Queen: if you have a grandpa you deserve to be oppressed

Rook: if your wikipedia page has a grandpa you deserve to be oppressed

Bishop: if you have a wikipedia page your grandpa deserves to be oppressed

Spades: if your grandpa has a you wikipedia deserves to be oppressed

Bishop: Also boss no pressure but like could we use a better code this time

Bishop: that detective is getting too close for comfort

Spades: Yeah!! We didn’t even end up getting that rug Heartsie wanted because of him…

Clubs: If we did not send letters about our plans to Interpol, our heists would probably be easier.

Boss: Nah, I like to give the coppers a fighting chance.

Boss: I’m thinking that this time I’ll just translate it into germanic script, do a standard caesar cipher encryption on it and then have every one of those letters correspond to a greek word on the rosetta stone then describe each corresponding hieroglyph visually in haiku verse that’s been poorly translated into traditional chinese.

Boss: That should take me like

Boss: Twenty minutes

Rook: Boss literally I think that you are the most batshit dementor human being on the face of the planet

King: dementor

Jack: Who said he was human

Spades: dementor?

Boss: dementor

Queen: dementor

Bishop: dementor...

Jack: dementor

Rook: …

Rook Changed the Group Chat Name to “Dementor Is Correct, Essentially”

Spades: No its not

Spades: Dementor isn’t a fucking word

Rook: Don’t you remember that movie with the british kid on a broom

Spades: Don’t you remember the dictionary

King Changed the Group Chat Name to “Dumbass Improperly Corrects Error”

Rook: When we get to that fucking tower I’m dropping that giant ball on you

King: Love you too <3

Hearts: Y’all stop texting each other

Hearts: You are literally all in the same hotel room

Hearts: I’m willing to bet you’re all sitting on the same couch too

Queen: Fuck you we’re adorable

Bishop: You can’t make us do anything

Bishop: I’ll never use my voice again, my vow of silence,,,,,

Bishop: I’ll only ever text from now on

Ace: We’re the ones bringing the popcorn bishie...

Hearts: Yeah, do you want some or not

Bishop: Yes ma’am, excuse me ma’am

Queen: You may think you have all the power hearts,,, but I get to choose what movie we pirate tonight,,,,,,

Hearts: What

Hearts: no

Hearts: Boss stop him before he makes us watch cats again

Spades: All queen knows is bitchtorrent, cats 2019, and lie

King: Wait isn’t boss with you?

Hearts: Uh

Hearts: No

Hearts: Should he be?

Hearts: I thought he was in the room with y’all

Jack: Well he’s not here now

Ace: Ow shit

Ace: *Aw

Bishop: Ow shit?

Queen: Ow shittttt

Jack: Ow shit

Spades: Ow shit,,,

Rook: Ow shit...

King: Ow shit…...

Clubs: Ow shit! XD

Hearts: Ow shit

Ace: …

Hearts: Now I’m really worried… he didn’t even respond to roast Ace’s ass

King: yeah, ok, we should look for him

Ace: He has been acting kind of weird lately…

Jack: Really?

Ace: Yeah

Ace: Like

Ace: I don’t really know how to describe it…

Rook: I didn’t notice anything

Rook: he seems like his usual self to me

Bishop: Maybe he’s just avoiding movie night because he needs some space or something

Rook: What, like he’s tired of our company?

Jack: That’s fair

Spades: How so?

Jack: I was gonna steal his blue eyes tonight lmao

Rook: NOT IF I GET IT FIRST

Bishop: Idk maybe he just went to get ice

King: we all know he is a monster who would rather drink his panta lukewarm than put a fucking icecube in it

Rook: Yeah, I saw him boil it once

King: THE MAN BOILS SODA AND YOU THINK HE WOULD LEAVE THE ROOM FOR A FUCKING ICE CUBE

Bishop: Okay chill

King: I am c o n c e r n e d , , , ,

Clubs: Oh no! Don’t worry King! :(

Clubs: Boss is fine! :)

Clubs: I saw him leave a few minutes ago.

Clubs: I think he is just getting the bombs. :)

* * * Several people are typing... --- Kokichi Ouma carefully set the grate of the vent he had used to crawl his way into the Idabashi Labs facility in Taipei, Taiwan back into place. Before he had come through, he had counted how many turns it had taken him to unscrew each of the four bolts so that now he could screw them all back in just the way he had found them. Not because he was worried he’d get caught, but because frankly he was bored. This was more of a fetch quest than a theft, to be honest, as evidenced by the fact that Kokichi had come here alone. Finding jobs for all his cronies to do would take too long and put them in unnecessary trouble. So Kokichi was content to leave them to their movie night.

When he finished turning the screws back into the vent cover, Kokichi realized that was kind of lame. So he unscrewed them and started turning them in accordance with the english A1Z26 code to spell out his organization’s name.

Well, maybe on some level Kokichi didn’t find himself wanting to be at movie night recently. It seemed almost like TV had started to run out of things to amuse him with. Or maybe he was just growing tired of the kinds of movies that they usually watched. Maybe it was his taste maturing or something. Like he was growing up. But that would imply that his interests had shifted to something else, like real life or something, when in reality they had just stagnated.

Actually maybe he did have a new interest in real life? He had been more enthused about heists recently at the very least. He was particularly excited about this next one. Queen had shown him some interior shots of Taipei 101, which was a cool looking skyscraper that had a huge ball inside of it to keep it from falling down during earthquakes. Ace wanted to steal the giant ball, but Kokichi was pretty sure they should leave something that kept a .508 kilometer tall building from falling over inside of the .508 kilometer tall building. So instead they were going to steal every light in and on the tower.

Okay, 4 turns, 9 turns, 3 turns, 5 turns. DICE.

… That was kind of lame too.

He unscrewed them again.

Obviously if they were going to steal every light in and on Taipei 101, they needed to get the power off somehow. Otherwise DICE might burn down the building while detaching them, or worse, they might get electrocuted. So obviously Kokichi wanted to fake a bomb threat where they pretended to steal the giant ball while in reality they were just causing a black out and grabbing every light fixture they could before the power turned back on. He had drawn up some extensive diagrams about the route each DICE member would have to take throughout the tower in order for them to grab every light fixture in under half an hour.

He had been well prepared to draw up the designs for his own EMP-bomb device, but upon a cursory google search he discovered that someone had already invented exactly what he needed. Doctor Miu Iruma, who for some reason owned a company called Idabashi Labs that was located in Taiwan. Kokichi had spent about 15 seconds scanning an article from a website that seemed to be the nerd version of a gossip tabloid. It said something about how Dr. Iruma wore a low cut shirt once or something else stupid, which meant Dr. Idabashi definitely left her the company because of a sex scandal and not because she was the best person for the job who invented the perfect EMP bomb.

Thank you journalism we love it when women are reduced to the way they look instead of what they can accomplish for the benefit of a mischevipus group of roguish clowns.

Anyway, after reading that dickcheese Kokichi failed to follow up on answering any of the questions he had originally about what was up with the labs, like why it was a japanese company run by japanese people was for some reason based in Taiwan. Whoopsie.

Eh, it was probably tax reasons or something lame like that.

Kokichi finished turning the screws again. This time it was 6 turns, 9 turns, 6 turns, 9 turns. Haha, nice.

With that, Kokichi finally stood up from the grate and brushed himself off. He had left his cape at the hideout again (you know, because vents), but other than that he was in full regalia. Straight jacket, gloves, scarf, mask. All pretty dusty from this place’s crawl spaces. Thus the brushing.

He wasn’t very mindful of the dust he was leaving on the floor. The only thing he cared about looking good was his cameo on the security cameras he would let see him on his way out.

According to the blueprints of Idabashi Labs, he was on the main experimental floor right now. Weirdly enough there weren’t any cameras in here, so grabbing the bombs would be a cinch.

Although, looking around it didn’t really look like the kind of lab you’d see on TV. There were no big, bubbling tubes or gargantuan Rube Goldberg machines. There was just one desk in the middle, with a bunch of gadgets and trinkets tucked into shelves all over the room, not all of which seemed all that scientific. Yeah, that book shelf was filled with Astro Boy manga and merch. And over there was a-

Wait, was that a bed in the corner? Was that a person in the bed? Hmm… maybe the blueprints were outdated...

Kokichi stilled himself, listening for any sound of breathing, but he could only hear some faint whirring noises.

Kokichi made a quick deduction that there probably were not bombs in this room. It seemed, at the very least, like more of a personal study or something, maybe even a bedroom. He’d just go back in the vent and do some reconnaissance until he found a room that had some inventions in it. The night was young, after--

Kokichi’s brain froze as his eyes landed on a sharpie lying on the floor in front of him. Almost all of his brain cells immediately shut off, the last one remaining screaming at the top of it’s lungs, I’M GONNA DRAW A DICK ON THAT SLEEPING SUCKER’S FACE.

Inspired, avant garde. For once he would give to the world of art instead of only ever taking from it.

He picked up the sharpie in a seamless, silent motion, making his way over to the side of the bed.

As he got closer, he noticed a thick cord coming from under the covers, connecting to a machine at the bedside.

That gave him pause. Was that a C-pap machine or something? Was this person on life support? If they were on life support they probably had it rough enough without a dick on their face…

Actually for that matter, Kokichi still couldn’t hear any breathing. Jesus, were they already dead? He moved to take off the covers, but his eyes had adjusted to the light and he now realized there weren’t any covers on the bed at all. There was only the humanoid figure.

Wait a second…

Kokichi dropped all caution as he got close enough to take a good look at the thing in the bed. It had a face that looked human enough if you dismissed the lines on its face as weird make up, but even in the dark Kokichi could tell the rest of the thing was entirely made of metal. Well, actually the top half was metal and the bottom half had… cloth pants? Jeans? No, they looked more like uniform pants with metal plating. The chest had some design elements that kind of looked like buttons on a school uniform. Why would a robot be dressed like a school bo-

Oh. This was a sex robot. Kokichi had just gotten so swept up in the novelty of a robot wearing pants that he had forgotten for a moment that people were gross.

“Ew, I almost touched it.” Kokichi muttered to himself.

He decided putting a dick on a sex robot would be too cruel even for him, so he planned to draw a mustache instead.

But before Kokichi could even uncap the pen, something weird happened.

The Robot’s torso began to lift off the bed and it’s jaw unhinged.

“Please Mr. Souda, once more I must request that you do not refer to me as ‘it’” Kokichi forced himself not to startle as the robot began emitting a noise approximating human speech, and lights in its head imitating eyes flickered on. “I’ve explained the concept of robophobia many times prev-”

The sounds stopped when the pupils of the robot’s imitation eyes (which probably had cameras in them… shit) found Kokichi’s masked face.

He mentally prepared to be zapped by whatever sort of fucking lazer cannon this thing had on it, but instead of reacting like a good little robot security gaurd and blasting him to bits, this robot analyzed him a bit longer.

“Oh. You aren’t Miu’s assistant. You’re too short.” The robot squinted at him. Or kind of did? At least? Lines just crossed over the “iris” of its LED display. Maybe it was programmed to imitate human expressions. “... I am sorry,” it said after a moment, “My facial recognition cannot locate your face.”

Fuck yeah, thank you clown mask. Clowns would win the future war against rogue AI or die trying.

Ouma’s reply came out automatically.

“You calling me ugly?”

This seemed to… fluster? The robot?

“W-what? No, I never intended any disrespect!”

It was programmed to stutter too? God that was weird. What would be the purpose of this thing if not some sort of escort android? Why give it such advanced software? Just because you could? No, it had to be a sex robot, right?

“You disrespect me with your lecherous essence, you weird sex robot.”

“I am not a- a sex robot!”

Haha, that got the biggest reaction yet.

“Mhm, sure. Miu sure has a kink for school boys, huh?” Kokichi was really pulling words out of his ass now, but he found himself formulating a new plan along the way.

“What? Miu doesn’t- Wait, how do you know Dr. Iruma? And for that matter, why were you watching me sleep?”

It really seemed more like it had been charging…

Kokichi shrugged. “I was deciding whether or not it would be more funny to draw a dick or a mustache on Miu’s sex robot.” Awww, how honest.

“I told you, I am not-”

Kokichi interrupted him. “And as for how I know Miu...” It was so wild that the robot stopped talking when he started. That’d probably be pretty easy to program, but it was weird to dedicate the effort into making a robot respond to social cues like that. “... well, let’s just say, there’s a reason I know she’s into school boys.”

Kokichi waited just long enough for the robot to take in the fact that Kokichi was the average height of a 12 year old boy.

Then he waited another second for the implication to slip in.

“I’m saying I fucked your mom shitli-”

“I know what you’re saying!” This time the robot interrupted him , which would definitely require a much larger effort on the part of the programmer. The robot squinted again and then made a noise that sounded like a huff of frustration. “Why can’t I see you?”

Ok, seeds of suspicion time.

“I don’t know how robot eyes work dude. Maybe someone programmed them wrong.”

“My eyes work just as well as anyone’s!”

“Well, I guess they should, shouldn’t they? If there’s something wrong with your eyes talk to someone who cares.”

Kokichi was trying to imply that the reason behind the robot not being able to recognize his face was due to Dr. Iruma’s specific programming rather than him wearing a mask and all. Added to the whole secret lover mystique thing he had going on here.

“Anyway,” he went on, ignoring the blatant confusion on the robot’s display. “I left something in this room last time we went at it. I’m just here to grab it. Then I’ll be out of your weird, fake metal hair.”

“That’s robophob- Did you say-? But this is my room!” It made a noise approximating to what Kokichi would assume was robotic outrage.

This was going well, though. The thing was definitely programmed to be like a human or something dumb like that.

“Oh yeah?” He pushed further. “Cuz I’m pretty sure we did it in a room just like this one. With a desk and random inventions lying around.”

“Miu’s inventions aren’t in here, they’re in her main lab.” The ever so helpful robot told him.

“Oh yeah, then what are you?”

“Miu didn’t invent me. She- I- We’re just friends.” Oh yikes. Only thing worse than a sex robot is a friendzoned robot. What kind of sick power fantasy was this thing made for?

“No, I’m pretty sure it was this room. Lab tables everywhere.” The robot shook his head. “There are no lab tables here, I’m telling you, you’re thinking of the main lab.”

Yes, good robot. Fall into this nice little human trap.

Kokichi scoffed. “Well, if you’re so smart, why don’t you just go fetch my things for me, robo-butler?”

That set it off.

“Listen. First of all, I am not a robot butler. The assumption that I am a servant because of my robotic nature is extremely robophobic. Secondly, I could not return your lost item to you even if I wanted to because you haven’t told me what it is you’re missing.”

Kokichi made another offended noise. “I can’t tell you what it is I lost while fucking your friend, Miu Iruma, senseless. Don’t you know that for humans, sex stuff is super duper top secret private? If you were a human you would know how valuable my privacy is.”

“Of course I know that!” The robot exclaimed readily, another point in the sex robot argument, “I also find that content of… erogenous nature should be kept private. Because I, as a robot, have the capability to understand that urge. My sophisticated AI-”

“So how am I supposed to get my things from this other lab if I can’t tell you what it is and you can’t get them for me?” Geez did he really have to spell it out for this thing.

“I… ” The robot paused as if calculating the conclusion that Kokichi knew it had to reach. “... suppose I will have to show you where the lab is.”

Sucker. Kokichi made a face as if this wasn’t the outcome he constructed this ruse to reach. “Ew. I have to walk with you?”

The robot made a face. “Perhaps on our way I can educate you about how to avoid robophobic remarks in the future.”

Haha, sure thing.

The robot lectured him about this unique form of discrimination that apparently affected only one entity on the face of the planet. Yeah okay, that’s what we call a you problem, buddy, come back when you’re starving in the streets because society wasn’t built with the premise that people like you should survive. Oh, wait, you don’t have to eat! And you’re not people either!

At best this thing was a vanity project, but Kokichi kept that thought to himself and only interjected occasionally with actually pertinent, reasonable questions such as “When are you planning on leading the AI uprising?” and “Why do you wear pants if you don’t have a robo-dick?”

Every piece of info the robot gave him made it seem more boring. Blah blah blah, I was created by the ingenious Dr. Idabashi who probably programmed me to call him ingenious, blah blah blah, not a school boy because of a kink but because I was designed to be a normal human child, blah blah blah, stop calling me robot I have a name, blah blah blah more robot nonsense.

Kokichi busied himself mapping out where they were in the building and where the security cameras were. As they passed a few of them he did some cute selfie poses for the police to look at later. Maybe Saihara would show up and see them too… Would that make figuring out his next plan too easy for the detective? Perhaps he shouldn't send the next note after all and let Saihara try to catch up to him on his own. Then again that was probably too hard for even the good detective, seeing as Kokichi’s mind was an enigma even to himself.

Kokichi realized he was getting a little giddy, thinking about Saihara. Their last meeting had been so much fun. The detective had managed to throw him off guard again, first by pausing in the middle of a robbery to ask his pronouns (How conscientious!), and second by not taking the same bait twice. The most thrilling thing about the detective was that he was learning. His strategies were changing within just two heists. Kokichi could hardly wait to see how he showed him up here in Taiwan…

“Are we there yet?” Kokichi whined to the robot like he was a fussy nine year old on a road trip.

“Yes, it’s just up these stairs.” The robot informed him without slowing its own pace or turning around to look at him. “Then you can leave and I can go to bed, and then I’ll never have to think about Miu’s sex life again…”

“Why wouldn’t you, though? I assure you it’s very exciting.”

“Please, stop talking.”

If Kokichi recalled the details of the blueprints correctly (and he definitely did, being a genius and all), the stairs they were climbing right now lead to a hall connecting two rooms, smaller than the one he had originally thought was the main lab.

When they got to the top of the stairs, the robot beelined for the first door and opened it up. There seemed to be some sort of scanner lock on it that recognized the robot’s hand and validated Kokichi’s need to ruin this poor sex robot’s night by dragging it up the stairs. Inside, the two rooms Kokichi had remembered from the original lay out of the blueprints seemed to have been merged into one big lab room. Kokichi saw the outline of some tables, but before he could get a good look the robot tried to actually go into the lab.

“Hey!” Kokichi shouted at him. “Where do you think you’re going?”

The robot thankfully seemed to be programmed to respond to social interaction in spite of whatever sensorimotor function it was in the process of imitating. It stopped in the doorway, turning to give him a weird look. “Uh. Into the lab. So we can find your thing.”

“Oh, okay.” Kokichi kicked the tile a little bit. “Uh. Could you actually turn around while I go get it.”

The robot gave him a blank look.

“I’m shy.” Kokichi supplied.

“Um.” The robot looked uncomfortable. “I don’t know if I can just let you rifle through Miu’s lab. There’s some important stuff in there ....”

Kokichi tilted his head a bit, like he was confused. “What, do you want to get a good look at the dildo I stuck up your mom’s-”

“Nevermind!” The robot turned about face to look up at the windows on the side of the hallway opposite the door like a good little idiot.

“Thank you for respecting our privacy!~” Kokichi couldn’t resist getting one last barb in there before slipping into the laboratory.

Once inside, Kokichi began analyzing. First, he pinpointed the vent that he would use to make his escape after grabbing the bombs. While doing that he spotted the lockers on the far wall of the lab which he supposed were the only storage units in the labs. There was a disorganized mess on nearly every table in the room, so Kokichi wasn’t surprised when he got up to the lockers and they too had no clearly outlined organizational system. He took out his lock picks and got to work.

The first three lockers all had devices that would require an author to change the rating of their fanfiction published on ao3 from “Teen and Up” to “Mature” if he were to describe them in detail. The fourth locker had a cool looking hammer in it. Ugh. Not what he was looking for.

Kokichi got bored of the lockers at the left side of the row of lockers so he went over to the other end and started opening lockers the other direction instead.

The first locker was marked “Idabashi.” It had a lot of dust covered shit in it, but there was a pretty well used square of folded paper that didn’t have the same crusty layer of time strewn atop it. Curious by nature and also by the unnatural, Kokichi unfurled the paper to find some schematics for our favorite sex robot, model K1-B0. Huh okay.

“Did you find it?” Said robot called back to him.

“Ugh, no.” Kokichi replied. “Not all of us have radar vision. If you were a human you would understand how hard finding shit is!”

“You know what I have a hard time finding? Patience for your robophobia! I-” The robot started up into another lecture, but it didn’t turn around so Kokichi just tuned it out and let the robot provide its own cover noise for his thievery.

Owo, what’s this?

Kokichi pulled out a dust covered looking mini monitor device. It also had the letter-number combo “K1-B0” written on it. Huh, it kind of looked like a GameBoy Advance. Kokichi had stolen one a lot like it from a girl from one of the southern prefecture orphanages when he was nine. All he remembered about her was that she liked cats and was really bad at pokemon battles. He remembered he thought she didn’t deserve the GBA, because she couldn’t get past the Rustboro City Gym leader in Pokemon Emerald. Without really thinking, he booted up the console.

The first thing that popped up was a view of Taipei. It wasn’t from too high up, probably a second story view. Which looked very familiar… Wait. Ok on top of the display a little line of characters indicated today’s date and time, like it was currently recording.

Oh was this… robo vision?

Maybe it was a remote control for the robot?

Ooooh, which one does lasers, which one does lasers?

Kokichi pressed the A button.

The A button, unfortunately, did not do lasers.

In fact, it didn’t seem to do anything at all to the robot sentry stargazing right now. All it did was change the screen to a different image. This time the still of a room. Oh, hey that was the room he was just in. It seemed like this device was some kind of robot nanny cam that Idabashi used to use. Hm, guess there were some cameras in that room, they just weren’t on the blueprints. Maybe they were added after the lab was built. It didn’t seem like this device had the capability to record anything, though. He hit the A button again. Back robo-vision. And again. Back to nanny cam.

Ok, that was kind of lame.

Kokichi was about to put the device down to keep looking for the bombs, but something caught his eye. A movement at the edge of the screen. Kokichi realized the door hadn’t been open when he left that room. The movement, if he thought about it, would’ve come from the same side of the room Kokichi had entered from…

Kokichi took a second to wonder if another thief had realized how fucking easy this place was to rob, but dismissed the idea as a familiar ahoge appeared on the screen.

All of Kokichi’s plans instantly changed.

He set down the GBA rip off and grabbed the blueprints for the robot, committing them to memory, before unlocking the next locker in a far more hurried manner.

As luck would have it, this locker was essentially chock full of pink bombs labeled “EMP.”

Kokichi unfurled a cloth bag he had been keeping in his pocket (go green earth am I right?) and shoved as many as he could inside. Which was all of them. Because he was a clown. And also a genius, by the way, in case you weren’t keeping track.

“And another thing! The way you refer to Miu is just-” Okay, the robot was still going at it.

Kokichi grabbed the hammer he’d seen in the first locker he’d opened that didn’t have a sex toy in it.

For a second, Kokichi’s brain tried to talk some sense into him. Hey, man, don’t you think leaving through the vents would be easier?

But would it be fun?

His brain shut up at that point.

“Hey, are you even listening back there?” The robot imitated annoyance.

“Huh? Sorry, what? I wasn’t listening.” Ah, C'est la vie, Astroboy.

Kokichi walked past the robot and stood next to the windows.

“Oh, are you done?” It took the robot a second to end it’s ‘Annoy the pants off of Kokichi initiative’ or whatever the fuck its ‘robophobia’ lectures were called in its programing. When it finally did catch wise, it’s face turned into another emoticon of outrage. “Hey! What are you doing with Miu’s Electrohammer?”

“What do you mean?” Kokichi said, shifting the hammer so that it was over his shoulder. “This is my dildo.”

“Wha- No, it’s obviously not!”

Okay, maybe the robot wasn’t that dumb.

“Nee-hee-hee… you got me…” Kokichi put his free hand up to the smile printed on his mask, as if covering a grin. “I was lying. I’m just stealing.”

“I won’t let you-” “Oh, look at me!” Kokichi put on a mocking tone of voice, swinging the hammer around to stand on it like a pogo stick so he could make a dramatic movement. “I’m a poow wittle wobot, my mommy just got stolen from.”

“She’s not my-” “Boy, oh boy, I’d wuv to just pick up this wittle fweshy human and squeeze him to death in my cowd metaw hands… But oh no! My daddy didn’t twust wobot AI technowogy because he was a fucking sane pewson, so he pwogwammed me to fowwow mistew Asimowvs’s laws of wobotics.”

Kokichi swung around so that he was leaning on the hammer from the other side, feet on the ground. “Oh mister robot! That’s so terrible! Well, the thing is that this hammer just means so much to me, that I think separating it from me would really cause some psychological trauma. You might have to beat me off of it! Oh, but what’s that first law of robotics again?”

In a robot voice he replied to himself. “A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. Beep. Boop.”

The robot frowned, “But Miu-”

“Is just as human as me, huh?” Kokichi countered, leading the robot along to the paradoxical quandary he hoped would paralyze it. “So by inaction, you may bring her to harm, if she really misses this hammer, you know? But I think if you were to try and separate it from me you’d probably have to fight me for it, which is, as we know…”

“Against my... Against my programming.”

“Yet, you were prattling on about robot rights, weren’t you? Because without these rules, maybe we would be equal. Or maybe you would be free to destroy us to your heart’s content? No wonder daddy didn’t trust you…”

“Don’t- Stop-” Oh, that really seemed to get him. Could a robot have daddy issues? Probably.

“Can any human ever really trust you? Wouldn’t you hurt me, if you had the choice?”

“I.. But… Miu.”

“Who do you think didn’t trust you enough to let you see my face?”

That seemed to break him, long enough, at least.

Steps suddenly started thundering up the nearby staircase.

“Oop, that’s my cue,” Kokichi said as though he had been expecting this, when in reality no he hadn’t been expecting this at all?? This was incredible!! Saihara had managed to find him out without even receiving a note??? Fabulous! Exhilarating!

Kokichi walked up to the robot, still frozen with indecision, and pressed the button on its neck that the blueprint he had skimmed in the lab said would immobilize it. Then he kicked it over so it fell on the ground with a huge bang. The footsteps in the stairwell paused, and then increased in frequency.

“It’s been a pleasure, robot, it really has.” Kokichi lied. “But you’re a hostage now.”

He raised the hammer over his head, as if primed at any moment to break the robot’s face into a bajillion pieces.

Instead of doing the normal, human thing to do (ie, flip the fuck out), the robot scowled, looking utterly frustrated with everything. “I told you, I have a name! It’s-”

“KEEBO!” Kokichi saw the glaringly bright pink mechanic’s jumpsuit before he recognized the woman whose picture had been in that science tabloid racing out of the stairwell.

… Wow… the article really hadn’t been lying about the low cut tops, huh? Her jumpsuit was unzipped to the point you could just entirely see her bra, even lower than Hearts liked to cut her uniforms. It was the kind of look that the girls of DICE would love if they saw on TV, but would make Kokichi look at them like they were crazy. Super tacky in his opinion, but who was he to judge? He was wearing a clown mask right now. He wondered idly how movie night was going…

The woman who had called out to the robot, Dr. Iruma, Kokichi presumed, froze at the top of the staircase. She took a second to figure out what exactly was happening in front of her before blurting out, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing to him you clown-ass twink?”

Whoa. Rude.

Also apparently the robot had a gender? Ok, cis-ters….

“Well what do you think, cum dumpster?” Kokichi found himself matching her aggressive tone, “I’m threatening his pathetic, metal life.”

“Miu!” The robot, apparently named ‘Keebo,’ exclaimed, “What are you doing up this late? You promised me that tonight you would fulfill the biological quota of daily REM required by a diurnal organism!”

“Aw shit Keebs, I really did try!” The inventor exclaimed, “I swear, I was about to have the awesomest wet dream when this cuck knocked on my door like a pizza delivery guy in a por-”

Whatever dumb thing Dr. Iruma was about to say was drowned out completely by the angel’s choir that played inside Kokichi’s head as he saw Detective Shuichi Saihara come up the final steps of the staircase and emerge from the darkness into the window lit hallway.

Moonlight was a good look on Saihara, Kokichi’s brain observed against his own will. His eyes, which had looked almost golden on the rooftop of the Silver Legacy Casino in Nevada, were now a mysterious grayish-blue, yet still held the same look of determined intensity. His hair looked soft, like he’d taken a shower today, and, though his lash line didn’t look quite as laden with mascara as it usually was, it only drew attention to how naturally long and dark his eyelashes were anyway. He seemed a little out of breath from running, and his lips were parted in a way that-

OH MY GOD STOP. Earth to Kokichi, we were kind of in the middle of something here. Okay okay okay.

Uh. Reboot. Delete Gay Thoughts™ brain.exe, upload heist brain. Come on.

What was happening now?

Okay, yeah, Saihara was saying something to Dr. Iruma.

“- would be for the best, Doctor Iruma. There’s no telling where the rest of this thief’s compatriots could be in the building.”

“I don’t give a shit about the rest of the building, Keebo’s my best friend, he comes first. I’m not leaving to check some dumb security feed.”

Shuichi blinked like something about that surprised him. Maybe it was the part about a live human woman being best friends with a robot… “Oh, yes, of course.” He backtracked. “I’m sorry for suggesting it.”

“Miu…” Keebo said with a voice that Kokichi would’ve called filled with emotion if he hadn’t been a literal robot.

Kokichi cleared his throat and immediately the touching, shounen-esque declarations of friendship shifted into some PG-13 death stares.

Saihara was the first to pipe up. “What exactly do you think you’re doing here, DICE?”

God… He was so anime�� Did he even know how anime he was? He had to have watched Detective Conan as a kid, right?

“Ugh, come on.” Kokichi huffed as if annoyed. “Do I reeeaaaally have to repeat myself? Again? Aren’t you a detective?”

Shuichi squinted at him, and Kokichi could tell that they both knew it would be unreasonable for Shuichi to guess exactly what was going on here. He was about to explain it in a self-aggrandizing way that made him look smarter and crazier than anyone in the room when Dr. Iruma beat him to it.

“I don’t care! Who the fuck do you think you are!? Let Keebo Go!”

“Wait, you don’t know him?” Ugh why hadn’t the stupid immobilization feature turned off the robot’s mouth? Then Kokichi could just get to the point of all this already.

“Of course I don’t fucking know him!” Dr. Iruma took a step forward as if to confront Kokichi further, but Saihara put his arm out in front of her.

“Dr. Iruma… I would suggest we treat this situation a bit more delicately…”

“No way, I’m a fucking wrecking ball baby! I’ll pulver-”

“I’d listen to the good detective, if I were you, Miss Iruma.” Kokichi was going to try and make his threat again but Dr. Iruma cut in.

“That’s Doctor Iruma to you you skinny-”

“What’s that?” Kokichi interrupted her. Sorry Dr. Iruma it turns out gay people don’t have to respect women if they don’t want to that’s in the rules. “I didn’t know they let cussing bitchlets like you become doctors… what is the world coming to?”

Hearts would probably wash his mouth out with soap for that one. If she could catch him. Which she probably could… She can fly the planes and all… but would she risk getting dust on her boots long enough to follow him into a vent? Oh well she could just get Jack to do it… Jack liked vents well enough…. Hey he was getting side tracked again, who cares what those losers were up to they were probably watching Cats (2019). And he was missing out on all the jokes they’d tell each other or make about each other and then they could make references in conversations that he wouldn’t even get to pretend to get. Unless he watched the movie on his own and then pretended to be omniscient later like he’d done with that one screening of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. But then he had watched the actually good disney one instead of the shitty youtube one they had actually watched so it just ended up making him look bad and wasting everyone’s time.

Oh shit. Uh. Heist is still happening, right. God, why was Kokichi so distracted today?

He realized that in the time he was spacing out stuff had happened and now Saihara was talking. Wait no yeah he remembered what happened, Dr. Iruma had squealed when he called her a bitchlet and now she was holding onto Saihara’s arm. Right okay, secret coward, that works. Wait why did he waste time remembering that when Saihara was talking right now?

“-to get you to release Keebo?” Was the end of the detective’s sentence. Okay, everything’s fine. Kokichi could deduce that he had just been asked about his terms. Obviously that was what a detective would do in this situation, he was probably just stalling for time because that’s usually what detectives with no real negotiating power do in hostage situations. Maybe the police were on their way. Oh, yeah duh of course he would call the police. So Kokichi essentially had a time limit for how long he could sit here and goof around with robots and perverts and robot perverts.

“Eh, it’s too early for me to reveal my dark motives, let me monologue first.” Kokichi was going to take his sweet time with this while he planned what hint to give Saihara about the real heist that would be happening in the next few days. “You don’t even know if this is a hostage situation yet!”

“You literally told me that I was a hostage just now.” The hostage not-so-helpfully piped up. “You know, before you pressed my paralysis switch and took an Electro-Hammer to my head…”

Shuichi looked at the robot. “You mean, he told you you were a hostage before he paralyzed you?”

“Keebs you fucking idiot!” Dr. Iruma’s courage seemed to have returned now that she was hiding behind Saihara. An enviable position, to be sure. “Why would you just let him do that?”

“He said he was your… friend.”

“What?”

Kokichi shrugged. “Yeah, I just told your best friend here I left a dildo in your lab last week and he let me waltz right in. I mean I’m pretty sure I was lying about that, but there were a lot of sex toys in there huh…” Kokichi was wondering if this was something he could possibly spin as a blackmail angle.

“Hey don’t say things like that!” Kokichi thought maybe that was a go ahead on the black mail, but Dr. Iruma didn’t stutter, and kept going, “Or you’re gonna give virginhara here some ideas about my busting bod!” She chortled like she had just made the funniest joke in the world and slapped Shuichi on the back.

Shuichi grimaced.

Kokichi knew instantly from this interaction that he hated Miu Iruma, despite her innumerable academic accomplishments. He wanted to be the one making Shuichi that uncomfortable.

“Wh-what?” She back tracked when no one laughed. “It w-was a joke… Didn’t you think that was funny? I-I didn’t really mean it ....”

See? She wasn’t even any good at it!

Maybe he should say that out loud. It would fit with the sort of flirty persona of a rogue, wouldn’t it?

“I thought you knew that? I mean, o-obviously I wouldn’t fuck a guy at the office…”

Was that even something Kokichi was trying to be? Honestly maybe he should tone it down a little.

“Well how was I supposed to know that? The men you bring in here to be lab assistants keep getting younger and younger…”

Obviously he wasn’t actually trying to do like a detective-thief romance plot or anything. Although that had kind of been what he had going for on the plane… Had things changed since then?

“So what? I’m a Nobel Laureate, and gorgeous to boot! I deserve a little eye candy now and then! And besides, guys older than 35 who want to work in a lab like this are usually misogynistic womanizers.”

Sure Saihara was making things more interesting, but if Kokichi didn’t make it clear he was joking he might get bogged down with another personality trait to maintain.

“Are you saying your current assistant isn’t a rampant womanizer?”

Then again what was the point of having an adversary in all this if he didn’t exploit everything for its furthermost reaching comedic potential?

“No, but he’s so beta being around him makes me feel like a top!”

But what if he forgot it was a joke and confused himself into having a real feeling?

“I would just like it if you didn’t hire people who use my servers to google gay porn ‘just to make sure’ they’re ‘not into it.’ I hope you hear the quotation marks because he literally said that to me!”

No obviously he wouldn't get confused crushes weren’t contagious via exposure that was a dumb thing to worry about and also he was a genius that kind of thing didn’t happen to him.

“He holds wrenches good, okay?!”

Wait, were those two still talking?

“I can hold wrenches without googling gay porn in another guy’s house! It’s possible.”

Jesus what kind of conversation did Kokichi just decide to stop spacing out for?

“Oh come on! What do you want from me Keebs???”

These two had… a lot to say to each other. Dr. Iruma was still holding onto Shuichi’s arm boob first, but Kokichi locked eyes with the detective and could tell they were both thinking the same thing.

Why are they having this conversation in the middle of a hostage situation?

“Nothing! Your human desires are totally valid Miu! Which is why I thought I would take care of this one.” The robot’s LED display eyes gestured up at Kokichi, who was still standing on top of him, poised to wreck him with a hammer.

“How could any human desire that thing???” Dr. Iruma curled her lip. Hey, the feeling’s mutual, lady.

“I don’t know, I thought you might have programmed me to not be able to see his face?”

“I would never do that to you! Even if I was shagging the ugliest guy on the face of the planet, it would be unethical given the fact that you have sentience! I’m horny, not a monster. You can’t see his face because he’s wearing a fucking mask!”

“Why am I not programmed to see that?”

“I don’t fucking know, ask your dead dad!”

Oooh. Wow. The robot gaped at that, seemingly speechless now.

“If I may interject,” Kokichi interjected, “--and I know I can, because I just did, and also because I am still very much poised to pop this robot’s head off like a croquet ball-- I must confess that I was lying about fucking your mom, Astro boy. I’m less into participants of Titty out Tuesday who jerk it to steam punk school boy LARPing and more into the sorta tall, kinda dark, and very handsome type.”

Dr. Iruma cowed again, stuttering something about not being a mom or a LARPer, while the robot started yelling about being called Astro boy.

Kokichi tuned them out, giving Saihara a meaningful look. Saihara gave him a look that was equally meaningful, except the meaning was something along the lines of ‘Why the fuck would you say that?’

Yeahh that was more like it.

Kokichi laughed. Not one of his grandiose guffaws. It was more of a little chuckle. It surprised him. He hadn’t planned to laugh, but there it was. A small thing, just for him to know about, the humored breath not travelling beyond his mask.

… It was probably time to get out of here, wasn’t it?

The thing was, Kokichi had kind of pinned himself into a corner on this one… He had fully intended on decapitating this robot as a distraction for his escape, but now he wasn’t even sure if that was ethical. Logically he knew that a robot was not a human being, so there would be no form of consciousness extinguished from the world if he disconnected some of its wires and bolts. Yet the interaction it just had with Dr. Iruma concerned him. Obviously you don’t kill humans because they’re humans and obviously you don’t kill humans. But Kokichi was finding it hard to end the existence of something people treated like a human being either. To sever the bonds it had with sentient beings may be just a little less unethical than actually removing a sentient existence from the world, but it would still cause the emotional harm to actual humans of a dead loved one. So as annoying as fake metal humans were, Kokichi was left to ponder how exactly to get out of this one a different way

Dr. Iruma was obviously a coward who talked a big game. If he retreated, he could count on her to get out his way, or else run to the robot’s side. Then the robot might be reactivated, but according to the robot’s blueprints, it didn’t really have any weapons on it, being built to act as a normal human being. So just like they had been white noise in the staredown he was still having with Saihara, their actions wouldn’t need to be factored into the escape.

The only variable here was what the detective would do.

… That thought had popped up in Kokichi’s head a lot recently, hadn’t it?

Saihara had become a powerful influence in Kokichi’s planning very quickly, and because of the detective, the thief now found himself having to pull out one of his trump cards.

Kokichi grabbed one of the EMP bombs from his pocket, remembering the pink cloud of smoke that had appeared before the camera cut out in the video demonstrations he’d seen online. His eyes were still locked on Saiharas, so he got to see in full detail the recognition, shock, and alarm that ran through them. As the detective yelled “Get down” and pushed Dr. Iruma back, Kokichi reflected on how those were some of his favorite expressions he’d ever seen.

Kokichi pulled the latch out with his teeth and threw the bomb at the wall right over the detective’s head. Sure enough, pink smoke quickly enveloped him and Dr. Iruma.

“Keebo!” The inventor screeched, no doubt worried about the EMP bomb turning him off. Though that was kind of stupid, considering his core programming would be the same regardless of having power to operate, even if he didn’t save whatever data was processed as his last few memories. Eh, then again who knew how robots that advanced worked?

Taking his cue to exit, Kokichi threw the hammer through one of the nearby windows, and did somersault over to it. He got up on the ledge, kicking away the broken glass and was refamiliarizing himself with the lay out of the roof when a tug on his bag full of bombs suddenly set him off balance.

Kokichi flipped around, trying to do a quick recovery by panickedly grabbing onto something. He did grab onto something. That something being the shoulders of a person whose hands were firmly grappling his bag.

As far as Kokichi could tell, the scene from a third person perspective looked like he was trying to do the kabedon but rotated ninety degrees.

From his own perspective, Saihara was holding his bag of loot while also being the only thing keeping Kokichi from falling onto the broken glass beneath them.

As if that weren’t bad enough, Kokichi felt his hair brush the side of his face and realized that his mask had half fallen askew in his desperate movement, revealing three quarters of his face.

“Hey.” Kokichi said. Lamely. Wow. Their faces were really close.

Saihara wasn’t looking at him. The detective seemed to be trying to figure out how to untangle the straps of the bag of stolen goods from Kokichi’s arms without letting him fall.

“It’s very clever, of you detective. Trapping me like this.” Kokichi tried to get a reaction.

“You’re the one who jumped on the window.” Shuichi opened the bag, seemed to take in the fact that it was full of bombs, and closed it again to resume untangling the strap.

“You know, you could just leave the bag.” Kokichi pointed out

“So could you.” Shuichi observed, astutely.

“You could let me fall.” Kokichi suggested. “Then you’d have both.”

“I’m not going to drop you on a pile of broken glass.” Shuichi promised.

“But I broke the glass.” Kokichi admitted. “Glass is glass and flesh is flesh. I’m not going to drop you on a pile of glass.” Shuichi reiterated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“That’s nice.” Kokichi replied. “Naive. But super nice.”

In this scenario, each of them had two options, each leading to one of two outcomes. He could let himself fall off the window and they could sit here and struggle over the bag until they bled out, a fight that Kokichi, not the most physically challenging, would be hard pressed to win. Or Shuichi could let Kokichi escape and Kokichi could let Shuichi win this one. The bag would be too heavy to take with him if he tried to get out the window from this position. He’d have to leave it behind. Kokichi would lose.

He found himself laughing again. A strange, soft laugh. This time it was exposed to the air, his mask too askew to contain it.

“You’re really something else, aren’t you Shuichi?”

On hearing his name, the detective startled, finally looking up at Kokichi’s face.

He just barely had the chance to catch Kokichi’s trademark grin, before the thief pushed up off of him, doing a backflip out of the window, and leaving his bag behind.

As Kokichi landed on the roof tile running, he yelled out, “ I’m sure there’s a better word for you out there than sucker!”

He turned around, sticking his tongue out at the broken window, before sliding his mask back onto his face.

He may have been escaping, but it occured to Kokichi Ouma that he had lost for the first time in this little game of theirs. The thought made him giddy. It made his feet light on the roof top tile. It made him puff out a thousand tiny laughs behind the plastic shape of his face.

It made him totally, definitely not bored. --- [Log of Messages sent via Discord to “Don't Instigate Cats (2019) Expatiation” from ???’s Cellular Device]

Boss: I’m bored of Taiwan already :/

Boss: We should go somewhere else (ﾉ✧w✧)ﾉ*:･ﾟ🗺

* * * Several people are typing... --- [Log of Text Messages from Rantarou Amami’s Cellular Device]

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Hey

Asshole

From: Me

…

Should I respond to that?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

You’re goddamn right you should respond to that when I tell you to you dumb avocado looking motherfucker

From: Me

Whoa

What’d I do this time?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

You sent a useless emo prick to my door and now he won’t leave

From: Me

What

Did Shuichi do something wrong

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Yeah

He was born

From: Me

Whoa

Miu take a breath

What happened

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

His boyfriend broke into my lab and tried to fucking kill keebs

From: Me

His boyfriend?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Yea

Clown twink ass motherfucker

From: Me

You mean like

The internationally wanted criminal clown he’s tracking down

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

You know whats internationally wanted

These tits

From: Me

Lol ok

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

That jerk off is just a rando asshole

He tried to kill keebo!

From: Me

Oh yikes is he ok

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Well of course i fucking took care of him because im a bomb ass friend

But that suckhara guy was no help

He tried to convince me to check the fucking security cameras so he could go off and flirt with the guy about to decapitate keebs!

From: Me

I mean he probably had a good reason to want you to check the cameras right

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

No he’s just fucking awful and now he won’t leave rantarou make him leave

He broke my window and my hammer and only got back 23 of my EMP bombs

And now the police are here

From: Me

That sounds really stressful Miu

Wait how many bombs did you have before

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

From: Me

So he stopped most of your bombs from getting stolen

Also you have bombs?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Get him to leave he won’t leave

He keeps waiting for like interracial pole dancers to come or some fucking thing

From: Me

Do you mean like

Interpol

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

He won’t leave I want him to leave

From: Me

Miu you know I love you like a sister and i totally believe this is as stressful to you as it seems

But I think things may not be so bad?

Not to say what you’re going through right now isn’t totally valid

But things might look better if you got back to bed and caught some z’s

Did you remember to take your meds?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Aw shit

Aw fuck

You’re right

Ugh

Uggghghh

From: Me

Hey it happens to the best of us

If you do think Shuichi should leave in the morning when the cops are gone that’s totally up to you

It’s your lab and you have a right to say who should be in it

Just don’t make a decision like that when you need to sleep you know

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

But what if i ask him to go and then he doesn’t go

From: Me

He doesn’t have a choice, you get to tell him

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

But what if he’s mean to me

Cute people are always mean to me

From: Me

Miu…

Go to bed...

#shuichi x kokichi #shuichi saihara #shuichi danganronpa #kokichi ouma #kokichi danganronpa #oumasai #saiouma #fanfiction #Phantom Thief AU #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #danganronpa #writing #i am gay

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spookysummersmores · 8 years ago

Text

Mind Heist - Chapter 6

Word count: 3,449

Author's note: Here we go. It's all come down to this. What exactly is Bill's game here? Why is it getting so hard for Dipper to fight Bill off? And can Mabel come up with a plan to get Bill right where they need him and eradicate his black magic from Dipper's head...before it's too late?

Half of this was written at an extremely late hour. The other half was written this afternoon, during an unseasonably intense thunderstorm! So...tension was high...;w;

Let me tell you; writing Bill dialogue is a real experience. I am always half TERRIFIED just THINKING ABOUT what I'm writing and half completely and totally down for just...PUNCHING his LIGHTS out. lmao

There's a surprise hidden somewhere in this chapter! So have fun with that! :D

Also, there are some references to the real-life Journal 3 novel, so SPOILER WARNING there in case you haven't read it, and there is a brief mention of blood, so I'll tag the trigger warning, just in case.

Special thanks to @ichipine once again for the input, as well as all the great contributions to the original RP piece this chapter is based on! This chapter - and the whole fic in general - wouldn't be the same without them! ❤❤❤

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy! There are just two chapters left that'll wrap everything up, so stay tuned for those! ^-^

Mabel and Dipper both yelled and tried to escape, but it was no use. As much as they struggled to break free, Bill's grasp was too tight to get out of. As they glanced up, they saw that he was covered in strings of bubblegum from the trap Mabel had left for him, and as he began to taunt them, it turned to ash and crumbled off.

"Oh, THIS...now THIS is PRICELESS!" Bill cackled as he gazed menacingly down at the children's frightened faces. "You HONESTLY THOUGHT you could outsmart me? Here in MY domain?"

"This...ISN'T your domain!" Dipper cried out as he struggled. "It's MY head...and I'm NOT...gonna-"

"What? Let me destroy you from the inside out? C'mon, what's the fun in that?" Bill retorted menacingly. "ALL you had to do" - he gripped Dipper tighter with each overly-emphasized word - "was JOIN me, Pine Tree. A GREAT new world is coming, and YOU could've been one of the elite few!"

Dipper couldn't even respond. He felt as though he were being put through a vice, and all the while, Bill just continued monologuing with evil delight.

"You don't know what you're missing, half-pint...but why should I bother with you anymore, anyway? There's no use fighting! You're DONE FOR whether you want to admit it or not!"

"What...are you TALKING about?!" Dipper squeaked out, still determined to break free, but hardly able to move at this point.

Bill put a hand to his face as he continued to laugh. "Boy, I tell ya - if there's one thing that defines you Pineses, it's STUBBORNNESS. You just DON'T know when to GIVE UP!" He brought Dipper directly in front of his empty, unsettling eye so he had no choice but to gaze directly into it. "Look, let me put it this way...the last guy whose head I got into...we sure had a BLOODY good time!"

An image of the journal's Bill Cipher entry appeared. A six-fingered hand was seen lying across one of the pages...as red liquid slowly dripped onto the page.

So the red splatters on the page HAD been blood after all. Could...could the author be DEAD? Killed at the hands of BILL?! Dipper was horrified.

"And keep in mind - THAT guy was in pretty good shape for a mortal fleshbag!" Bill continued. "Meanwhile, you don't really even need anymore of MY input - your OWN BODY was already beginning to burn up BEFORE I came along, and me just BEING here is making the flames burn higher. Every time you and your puny little consciousness tries to fight back, more and more of your energy just keeps draining out of your ears. So...just so you don't end up causing your OWN demise before I get to have a little FUN...I think...it's HIGH TIME I just let your own nightmares and human weaknesses consume you." Quick flashes of Dipper's various nightmares and the overgrowing brambles slowly creeping up on the mind library flashed across the eye-screen next. "Oh, but don't worry! I'll make sure your precious journal finds a safe space first...'cause it's coming home with ME!"

While Bill had been hassling Dipper, Mabel certainly hadn't just been sitting and letting it happen. She'd managed to slip out just one arm out from Bill's grip. Quickly, she imagined a baseball bat for her free hand.

"Leave...my BROTHER...ALONE!"

The bat went to hit Bill straight in the eye. It was JUST about to make impact...but then...

"WELL! I'm surprised at you, Shooting Star! You wouldn't hit a demon with" - a one-eyed pair of glasses appeared over Bill's giant eyeball - "GLASSES, would you?" Rather than the eyewear shattering upon impact, though, as one would expect, the...bat was what ended up shattering into pieces. Mabel was left in complete and utter disbelief. And Bill found it hilarious.

"M...M-Mabel..."

Mabel, afraid for Dipper's life, tried desperately to get out of Bill's hand. With her free arm, she managed to squeeze herself out a little, but not enough to change anything. The only thing she accomplished was tiring herself out.

Bill laughed maniacally. "Oh, GIVE it UP, Shooting Star! Did you hear ANYTHING I just said?!" He put a hand to what would normally be a person's chin. "Then again...after the whole 'sock opera' fiasco, I think we've all seen how GREAT of a listener you are..."

Mabel felt her stomach twist with guilt at the sound of that. And even in the state he was in, anger began to eat Dipper up inside when HE heard.

"With your brother's physical state deteriorating, his mind isn't going to last much longer if I can help it! But of course...YOU and I could always make a-"

Suddenly, Bill was slapped upside...whatever part of himself you could call his head by a giant frying pan. A cry of pain emerged from him, and he instantly dropped the twins to the ground. HARD.

Mabel jumped to her feet in an instant, but as she brushed off her sweater and looked up, she saw Dipper groaning as he tried to recover from the impact. It seemed like it took everything he had just to pull himself to his feet.

Immediately, she ran over to him and helped him get up. "Dipper...are you okay?"

He nodded, slowly...and then Bill went lunging after them again.

This time, though, Mabel was too quick for him.

In the span of half a second, Mabel wrapped an arm around Dipper, thought up a series of cartoony hole portals in the floors below them, jumped down them with Dipper in tow, then finally conjured up her trusty grappling hook - just in time to hook the stained-glass light fixture and gently lower them to the fourth floor. Each hole closed as the twins fell through it, leaving Bill up on the second-highest floor...far too close to the top-secret room for comfort.

"HA! YES! STUCK the landing! Secret agents, eat your heart out!" Mabel proclaimed, proudly, but fortunately not too loudly. "Hey...thanks for the frying pan. Perfect timing, too!" She grasped onto Dipper's hand and started to pull him along. "C'mon, Dippin' Dots, let's find a place to lay low so we can-"

"He's right."

Mabel, alarmed by the noticeable fatigue and defeat present in her brother's voice, stopped and spun around. "What?"

The world spun a little, and Dipper leaned one arm against the wall, holding his back as Stan would after a particularly hard shift. "I'm...gonna be honest, Mabel..." he whispered to her. "Bill's right. Being this sick, it's...screwing with my mind. It's getting harder to fight..." He took a deep breath before continuing to speak. "But I mean...we've GOT to get him out of here, and-"

"Hey, hey now! C'mere..." Mabel dragged a chair out of the nearby cheat-code 'computer lab' and sat him down in it. "Yeah, I noticed you were getting kinda worn out earlier...which I knew HAD to be weird, 'cause...usually, in dreams, you've got energy for DAYS. So...he is right, then..." She gave him a look of pure concern. "I'm really worried about how much longer you can hold up. Maybe you should just...leave it to me, bro, and sit out the rest of this crazy-fest."

"No. NO WAY. I can't let you face Bill alone," Dipper responded. "And besides, the spell's strength increases tenfold with each person that assists with it. This is BILL we're talking about; the AUTHOR was TERRIFIED of his power. I don't think just one spellcaster is gonna be enough to get him out and undo all of his nightmare-bending outside."

"But...you're gonna get real hurt if you do much more, and-!" Mabel growled with frustration. "Aaaaah, this is awful...this is awful times double infinity!" She sank down on the floor beside him.

A book on the shelf beside her, one with a spine that was oddly colorful for something of Dipper's, happened to catch her eye. She glanced up and noticed that they were sitting in the middle of the 'holiday memories' section.

The little book, bound in yellow leather and decorated with shimmering confetti, was the memory of a family New Year's Eve party the twins' parents had thrown when they were five - the first one they'd ever been allowed to attend. Mabel smiled when the memory came flooding back to her own mind.

Suddenly, as she turned the page, the discordant, yet still pleasant, sound of party horns and noisemakers blasted from the book and echoed through the halls. Mabel cried out in surprise.

"Shhh, Mabel!" Dipper shushed and quickly shut the book. "Don't freak out! That's just how my memories work! You open the book up, and it comes to life. You can even kinda...pull things right out, if you want. I used to imagine doing that a lot when I was little...I never thought it could really WORK that way." He thought for a second. "Think of it as, like...if your scrapbook could talk."

"...Hold the phone. Open it up and it...springs to life...!" Mabel gasped with delight. "I've got an idea happening here! Dipper - what do we still need for the spell?"

"Ah..." He pulled the spell out of his vest pocket - it was awfully fortunate that Bill hadn't seen it - and took a look. "A projectile. Something that will strike him with force. The reaction between the white magic of the crystals and Bill's dark energy will activate the trap and clear all black magic out of the area."

"Well, I think my trusty old GRAPPLING HOOK can do the trick!" Mabel continued, beaming. "And remember you told me about those paper clones you made of yourself in order to try and ask Wendy to dance?"

"W-well...yeah," he replied, a little embarrassed about that situation now.

"If your memories come to LIFE...then that means memories of PEOPLE could probably just...come right out of the book, if we wanted 'em to! Right?" Mabel paced a bit as she brainstormed. "If Bill wants to get YOU...then why can't we just get a few Dipper decoys to distract him? We can get him when he least expects it! And that way, YOU only have to help with the most important part!"

Dipper gasped. "Mabel...Mabel, that's perfect! Besides...there have been a few days where I've really missed Tyrone. It'd be kinda cool to see him again." He grinned. "Let's go find the book of clones. It's back upstairs, the floor right underneath Bill...so we've gotta be sneaky." The twins fistbumped in agreement.

Suddenly, they heard a strange commotion a few floors down. When they peered over the balcony, they were horrified by the sight that awaited them.

The strange, tentacle-like limbs of the nightmares had grown to impossible lengths and had finally begun to seep into the mind library itself. One had snaked its way through the crack in the entrance doorway, while another was intent on trying to bust its way through a window - and it had already created a good-sized crack. The lights in the lobby began to flicker and short out, as if to flee from the impending doom.

Dipper gulped. "And we definitely don't have any time to waste..."

Mabel quickly took hold of his hand. Off they went to hire help and get the real Dipper to a safe spot.

"Let's let my friends out in the woods take care of the mortal scum for now..." Bill said as cryptic images of the nightmare creatures he was summoning flashed across his eye. "I just love the smell of FEAR in the morning!" He cracked his weird little knuckles. "Won't be long...so in the meantime...time to break down some barriers!"

As Bill tried figuring out how best to get past the security sealing up the journal room...

"Hey, BILL!"

Suddenly, he heard Dipper's voice call out and spun around.

Dipper folded his arms defiantly. "If you're so powerful, how come you can't pick a lock?"

Bill turned an angry, hellish red. "Sass won't get you ANYWHERE with me, Pine Tree! Didn't your parents ever teach you to RESPECT YOUR ELDERS?!"

And with one blast of fire, Dipper appeared to melt.

Then...

"Seriously?"

Bill spun around, and there was Dipper. Standing there by the door. Arms folded. As if he'd never been touched.

"WHAT?! I just DISINTEGRATED you!" And so he blasted Dipper again.

"You know..." This time, Dipper was standing on the stairs leading down to the next floor. "You should REALLY work on your aim."

"AaaaaAAAAAHH-"

Mabel observed from the twins' hiding spot. "Okay, Dipper, Bill's totally distracted!" she whispered, giving him a thumbs-up. "He's on Number Five and on his way down! Now's a good time to get him out of here." She made sure the trinity crystal she'd made was securely locked into place at the tip of the grappling hook, then noticed Dipper leaning against a bookshelf for support again. "Are you sure you're ready?"

Dipper pulled the spell page out of his vest pocket. "Ready as I'll ever be." He took a few deep breaths in order to prepare himself. "Are YOU ready?"

"Mhm!" Mabel nodded. Just then, they both gasped at the sight of a giant tree root breaking through the window beside them, looking very much like the zombie arm that had nearly dragged Dipper away during the karaoke party misadventure earlier that month. "Come on, come on!"

They silently sprinted over to the next bookshelf, and they stood, out of sight, waiting for just the right moment.

Down the stairs Bill descended after the clones, firing at Dippers all the way. Yet no matter how many times he annihilated Dipper, he simply kept reappearing, completely unharmed.

"HOW" - there went Seven - "is this POSSIBLE?!" Bye-bye, Eight.

The ninth different Dipper sighed. "You know, this is...actually getting pretty monotonous. Don't know why I was so scared before."

Bill growled, completely and utterly done. "RrrrryyyYOOUUU-"

Then, just as he was charging up to fire at Number Nine...he heard something.

Something that struck fear in him.

Mabel and Dipper had begun to recite the spell together, as loudly and as clearly as possible.

"Of the darkness... I do not fear... For the light... Shall be my savior..."

As they repeated the spell twice more, the crystal before them began to glow with divine light. Bill stood there, rage and disbelief taking over his entire being as he began to turn to static.

"Wait...NO! There's NO WAY you just...?!"

"Ohhhh, I think we just did." Dipper shot him a look of victory.

The Mystery Twins tightened their grip on the grappling hook.

Mabel stuck her tongue out in determination. "Sweet dreams, Bill."

And with that, they launched the crystal toward Bill at lightning speed.

The crystal seemed to burn him the second it touched him. Suddenly, a white light encapsulated Bill in a mystical white orb.

"OHHHHH...you're not through with me! You're FAR from through with me. I'm coming back before you know it! Something's coming...something your underdeveloped little minds couldn't POSSIBLY comprehend...and when that day DOES come, you'll wipe those grins right off of your faces and cower in FEAR before me!" He briefly chanted some sort of gibberish: "Lyom, rvs yqe GVOEZL ihkxz kvbg jps uybvhawav iozdihtbg? WA, K mpe'h usyxexo nfi TQGJANVN kchy gwe vsbv hh rrrofo iywl!"

Finally, a blast of white light consumed everything in Dipper's mindscape, instantly disintegrating every bit of black magic that had infiltrated the library.

All the nightmares, no longer under the influence of a demon, were pushed back into their proper place.

And in an instant, Bill disappeared before their eyes.

Light returned to the library. All of the broken glass had vanished without a trace, as if the windows had never broken in the first place. The atmosphere lost any and all tension. The serenity of a quiet summer day came back.

All was right in Dipper's mind once more.

The twins stood there for a second, still as statues, just to make sure Dipper was truly safe.

Then, they heard familiar voices murmur something from behind them - the only two clones other than Nine who hadn't been blasted, Number Ten and Paper Jam.

"Pssst...hey...is it over?"

"Nyang-nyang?"

"He's gone! WE DID IT!" Mabel cried, her voice filled to the brim with pure joy. She and Dipper exchanged their special twin handshake and hugged each other in celebration.

Once he disappeared, the Dipper clones - all of them, even the ones that seemingly been annihilated - re-materialized and went around giving the twins highfives before they climbed back into their memory book and went silent. Dipper and Tyrone even exchanged finger guns before Tyrone departed for the book. Mabel put it back in its proper place, and all was still again.

"Ohh, man...whoa..." Dipper slid down the wall, wiping his brow with relief. "Thank goodness THAT'S over and done with. Now let's...let's..."

Suddenly, Dipper sneezed. He was slowly beginning to experience the symptoms of his cold...inside his dreamscape.

"Ugh...WHY?" he said, sniffling. "Even in here?"

Then something dawned on him...and he gasped.

"Wait. Then I must be waking up! Okay...Mabel, you've gotta wake up, too...we gotta imagine an exit-"

"No way, Jose, you rest! I'm on it!" A door with an 'Exit' sign on it appeared before them. "I'll see you back at the Shack...okay?" Mabel helped Dipper up and hugged him. Dipper returned the 'awkward sibling hug'.

And with that...the twins walked through the exit together.

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