#my first post on her is already problematic i cannot

[briannabrackens]

who: @omerflorent where and when: the castle of riverrun, shortly after omer florent's arrival to the riverlands to speak with the river king directly. in regards to plot events, the lyseni attack upon the river market has already happened.

she had been fifteen when discussions of being betrothed to lord omer florent of brightwater keep had begun: and in truth, she found him quite uncomely. arrogant, in the way that was not exactly funny. not to mention old, incredibly older - in reflection, brianna could understand that it was an attempt to try and lure the florents away from neutrality with a bracken dowry to fly the flag of green. they shared kin: the blackbars, being cousins to both house bracken and house florent.

whilst the betrothal did not go through, house bracken continued to keep up it's close relationship with house florent within the kingdom of the reach.

afterall, they were all distant kin: that of the four leaf clover, and spirit. spoke the same tongue, understood one another: which was why she found her attitude increasingly irritated toward the high commander of the reach. they were not of close association, but she looked upon him and thought him a traitor to an extension of his own: not only were talks occurring with the blackwoods of all people, when the deal had fallen through due to the hand's overall boyish nature, omer did not reach out to his extended kin to have them secure the ships.

to do the deal with the blackwoods, over those who were like him. as though their shared kin were not blackbars of bandallon. she hoped a horse kicked him; what else did he expect when associating with blackwoods? did he think bloody ben would not make a whore of his wife?

she knew ronan would wish to speak and settle the matter with him in the manner the two always did: she, however, believed he had no place in the riverlands and his request to see the river king should have been rejected. their people had died as a result of growing tensions, but there was no denying the support the ships would have provided: they had the funeral of children to attend of a council member. and where was the support of brethren?

and so the pair awaited ronan in tense silence, her hands remaining folded over her chest as she heard the sounds of her corgi clover pacing up and down, muddy paws upon the rug. she offered him no refreshments as he sat within the main audience chamber of the bracken apartments - she did not even offer him the chance to sit down. "he'll be here soon." there was a slight pause as she leaned over to move her dog off the rug.

"thank the gods." she mumbled, loud enough for him to hear, in a tone that was clearly irritated.

[gguk-n]

Rewritten Headlines (Charles Leclerc X Model!Reader)

Fake dating mixed SMAU and imagine. All the pictures are from pinterest. Random girls from Pinterest no specific person

{Reader's POV}

My manager mailed me the tickets to Monaco. I was flying in on the Sunday morning and then I was to meet some guy who was gonna be my fake boyfriend apparently. I reached Monaco around afternoon and rested in the hotel until the meeting time. She sent the guys's profile and number so that I could contact him, if I needed to. When I opened the profile, the name read Charles Leclerc. I'd heard about him; he was a driver for Ferrari and if you base your work out of Italy it's kinda hard to miss Charles or Ferrari. I got dressed and headed to the restaurant we decided to meet at. He was already waiting for me when I got there. He waved at me as soon as we saw each other. I walked towards him and raised my hand to greet him "Hi, I'm Y/N Y/L/N, your fake girlfriend." I said. He laughed then replied, "Hi, I'm Charles Leclerc, your fake boyfriend."

We sat together and talked for a while, going through the profile our teams had sent and made a few changes that we would be letting them know off. Charles was easy to be around and fun to talk to. We had dinner together and he dropped me back to my hotel. He even offered to drive me to the airport tomorrow but I denied his request since I didn't want to ruin the plan our teams had come up with.

We were supposed to date for a year till it would clear up our names. Our meeting was supposed to happen at a race, I was flying out in 2 weeks for. I would be Ferrari's guest and then Charles and I would hit it off, immediately. We would do a few public appearances and be 'caught by paps' make it believable, a few interviews and Instagram posts and then break up with a post or story. Simple as that.

y/n.y/l/n

Liked by scuderiaferrari, charles_leclerc, 1,256,976 others

y/n.y/l/n Thank you to Ferrari for having me as a guest at todays race. I had so much fun. I would love to be back for more races.

user1 You look so pretty!!😘😘 user2 guys, everyone at the gp said that Y/N and Charles were inseparable, new couple?!🥹🥹 user3 After the whole scandal and the first post back is her at a race, who ever said she was irrelevant is actually irrelevant😭😭 user4 How are you so pretty???😍😍 user5 we love you, don't listen to the haters❤️❤️ scuderiaferrari please come back soonn. You look great in red. ti amo❤️❤️

f1gossip

Liked by 1,789 others tagged y/n.y/l/n and charles_leclerc

f1gossip Rumor has it Model Y/N Y/L/N and Scuderia Ferrari's driver Charles Leclerc are romantically involved. They were spotted in various cities across Europe in between race weeks. People say Y/N was at Charles home race too. But there were no pictures so we cannot confirm.

user6 damn you tagged them🤣🤣 user7 I can confirm she was at Charles's home race. I saw her. Both of them looked so cute tbh🥹🥹 user8 I'm happy if they are happy😭😭 user2 Idk why Charles is dating that problematic abusive woman🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️

y/n.y/l/n

Liked by charles_leclerc, arthur_leclerc and 1,279,356 others tagged charles_leclerc

y/n.y/l/n I don't think I've been this happy in a really long time. Thank you baby for loving me. Can't wait to spend all my time with you and support you in all your races!! Je t'aime, mon ange

charles_leclerc I love you too mon cherie. Can't wait to support you in all your runways either user1 my goodness, I can't breathe😭 user3 they are so cute!! the hand in his hair❤️❤️ user4 the way Charles holds her, fuck I want a man like him🥹🥹 user5 love is real it seems😪😪 bestie/user Congratulations you two!!😘😘 scuderiaferrari pretty people make prettiest couple😌😌

charles_leclerc

Liked by y/n.y/l/n, scuderiaferrari and 1,267,202 others tagged y/n.y/l/n

charles_leclerc Can't believe I get to call the prettiest girl my own!! Thank you for having me. Je t'aime cherie

y/n.y/l/n You're making me blush. I love you more Charlie. 😘😘 user6 when will it be??😭 user7 he takes the best pictures😏😏 user8 if a man don't love me like this, I don't want it😤😤 user1 I think it's time to switch social media off, couples are annoying😩 carlossainz55 Congratulations mate! So happy for you👍 scuderaferrari so pretty!! Congratulations❤️

{Reader's POV}

Going to all these places to be spotted by paparazzi or to his races meant we spent a lot of time together. It felt so nice to have someone going through a similar situation. He was so nice to me, I had so much fun just hanging out with him. He made me laugh at his stupid jokes. He got me flowers even though the dates were fake. He bought us matching watches to make it believable. Even my actual boyfriend never put this much effort.

After a race, both of us got to the hotel together. He walked me to my room; "do you wanna chill and get room service?" I asked while I unlocked my door. "sure" Charles replied with a big smile. I let him in. We sat and ordered room service and watched a movie together. I got tired mid way through the movie and ended up laying my head on his shoulder. We ended up cuddling eventually. I don't remember when I slept but I slept like a baby in Charles's arms.

After a 'date' in Milan, we were walking back to my place. I had offered him a spare room since it would be weird if he stayed at a hotel when his girlfriend had a house. We walked back holding each others hands in silence. The comfort was warm and inviting. I may have been cuddling myself to sleep in Charles's arms the whole weekend he was there but no one has to know. I didn't sleep as well alone as I did with him. So whenever we were together, he offered to be my cuddle buddy. I think I'm starting to like him; this could be bad.

When Charles won the race, he walked towards me cupping my cheeks; "can I kiss you?" he asked softly barely above a whisper. I nodded my head and then he kissed me. It wasn't in the contract, we weren't supposed to kiss but we did. It was magical and warm and sweaty. The kiss ended to quickly for my liking but the cheers were deafening. I think I'm in trouble, I think I love him.

{Reader's POV}

Our contract was up in a couple days. We haven't be seen together for a few weeks now. It's breaking me not being with him. But this was a contracted relationship to help us both. I just never felt like this with any other guy.

{Charles's POV}

Mine and Y/N's relationship was a contractual obligation. But I never realised how close we got. That kiss we shared after my race win was everything. I felt electric shock through out my body as her lips moved against mine. It was then I knew that I loved her but it probably wouldn't work out since she didn't feel the same.

f1gossip

Liked by 1,702,827 others

f1gossip Paddock's favourite couple has broken up after only 1 year. It was year ago around this time that rumours were floating that they were dating and yesterday both of them posted a story saying that they decided to break up because of work and their schedule. They said that they will continue to remain good friends.

user2 tell me this is lie😭 user3 I'm crying😭😭 user4 please get back together😤😤 user5 both of them made each other such better people🥺🥺 user6 she really deserved everything Charles gave her after her shitty ex🤧 user7 I hate life!!😓

A couple nights after the sleep over at Y/N's place with her friend; Charles showed up at her door with a big bouquet of tulips and roses. He had a huge chocolate in hand too. He was scared; his palms were sweaty and he really contemplated ringing her door bell. As if the universe was trying to get these two oblivious love birds together, Y/N opened the door with a packet of trash in her hand. "Charles" she whispered scared that he'll disappear if she said it out loud. "Hi" he greeted. "come in" she said while opening the door for him to enter. "I'll be right back" she said while walking out of the door. She disposed of the trash and came back to sit where Charles was sat in her living room. The chocolates and flowers still in hand. He stood up as soon as she entered. "For you" he said while thrusting them in her hands. She took the flowers and sniffed them, a small smile on her lips. "What are you doing here, so late?" she asked. "Ilikeyoulikealotandican'tlivewithoutyou" he blurted out. "Charlie, you're gonna have to say it slowly for me to understand" she said while placing the flowers and chocolate down to stand in front of him. He huffed out before speaking, "I think I like you. After we stopped seeing each other I couldn't imagine my life without you. I don't know when you became so important to me but I need you in my life" he said. She had tears in her eyes, she leapt forward and wrapped her arms around him; "I think I like you too Charlie, I couldn't sleep without, i couldn't eat. I knew I loved you when I was able to fall asleep in your arms. I'm so happy you feel the same" she whispered into his neck. Charles wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. "I love you too mon cherie." he said while pulling away to look at her, "Will you be my girlfriend for real this time?" he asked looking into her eyes. "Yes" she nodded while pressing her lips against his.

f1gossip

Liked by 258,972 others

f1gossip Charles's ex Y/N was spotted at the launch of his new ice cream Lec with his brother Arthur. They were seen holding hands and kissing each other. I think it's safe to say that the paddock couple is back together.

user8 my prayers have been answered🙏 user1 I can sleep peacefully knowing that they are together again🤧 user2 Mom and Dad are back!!!😌 user3 I love that for them!! They deserve each other🥹 user4 they deserve all the happiness❤️❤️ user5 I hope they never break up😭

[asterinthesiren]

THEORIES and THOUGHTS: AGATHA

This is the second part of my theories post, the first being about Billy! Again, this is going to be a three parter, because literally I have too many thoughts to contain in one post (I mean I can but that'll be entirely too long for y'all to read lmao)

Part 1 Billy | Part 2 Agatha | Part 3 Trial and Next Ep

Of course as always special mention to @justmonty because without her none of these theories would have been cooked at all! Hi queen ily

Alright HERE WE GO!

Next is our beloved problematic fave, middle-aged lesbian, Agatha Harkness. She is still shrouded in a lot of mystery, but the latest episode revealed a LOT about her.

So what we've learned is that Evanora Harkness is a bitch who never loved Agatha in the first place, the trial in the 1600s was way more layered than we thought, and that Nicky was at least 3 years old (remember the Ouija board instructions? ages 3 and up)(although that could also be a mention for the maiden, mother, crone thing, but it could be both! I digress)

Agatha cannot control her absorption magic, that is a fact. She begged Evanora to teach her how to control it, but she outright refused. And that's what she said in the trial too: "I cannot control it! If only you would teach me!" (Post here and amazing ass edit here). So we can conclude that this has been her struggle from the get-go. NOW, I POSIT:

WHAT IF the reason her mother hated her so much was because even in the womb she couldn't control her magic? What if instead of that power being her magic, it was a curse: to suck the power/life out of everyone who dares harm her? THEREFORE, knowing that Evanora was abusive from the start, what if Agatha's magic responded naturally to the abuse and started hurting whoever it was that tried to harm her--which in this case, is Evanora. Then, it was never a thirst for power; it was a curse.

Knowing Agatha, who internalizes so much trauma, what if the reason why she's so "evil" is because of her distorted thinking: "You think of me as a monster? Fine, I'll be one." Her love affair with Rio now fits the puzzle perfectly because Rio is the only one who can withstand that curse. This post sums it up perfectly: “Agatha is a soul who was meant to live but who everyone wanted dead - how could Death not fall in love with her?”

MORE THAN THAT, Death is so much like Agatha in this sense:

(thanks to @justmonty for sending me this!)

So knowing all this, that Agatha can't control her absorption magic...

What if that's how Nicky died?

Nicky, the young baby witch, still learning how to handle his magic, blasts Agatha with a small bit of his magic as she's trying to teach him...

And Agatha, fully knowing the consequences, but can't control herself otherwise (nor know how to give back the magic she absorbed)...

The rest is history.

AND THAT, my friends, is why Agatha was so hell-bent on finding the Darkhold, which from what we know of it so far, has resurrection spells. Beyond that, what if she wanted to try and break her curse, or learn how to control it, through the Darkhold?

Imagine: she had never once delved into dark magic ever, has already begged the most knowledgeable witch she knew to teach her how to control her magic, but not only does she get shunned by her, she gets shunned by her entire community and nearly gets executed from it. At this point, she accepts her fate: "If you think me evil, then let me be fucking evil."

Then she finally finds something to love and to live for--only for him to die at her hands through a curse that she has no control over.

AND THEN, she hears about the Darkhold. A sliver of hope against the bleakness of her existence--and still, it ended up turning her even more insane and cursed. Now, because of a witch who could have definitely helped her get her son back, all of her power and sense of self is gone.

Now here's a theory: what if Evanora got r*ped by a demon, and their offspring is Agatha?

I'm not saying Agatha is Mephisto's daughter, I'm just pointing out (with the help of @justmonty) that it would make a lot of sense why Evanora hated her so much. AND, going back to my first post about color theory, Agatha's magic colors would now make more sense: Evanora had blue magic, and let's say that whichever demon is her father had red magic.

What do red and blue make? PURPLE.

I rest my case.

[justenjoythegossip]

THE SHOWER PORN AND A FEW FICTITIOUS MYTHS…

Recently again, I have come across the fictitious myth that Alba posted her shower porn to deflect from her racist and antisemitic stuff that was uncovered by (more likely leaked to) Chris’ fandom a few days earlier. 

But I would argue that this explanation for her posting herself stripping in the shower has little to no credibility. I will explain why, share my theory about what likely went down and the clues that point to it. I will also use this opportunity to debunk a few myths that have plagued this fandom for a very long time…

Usual disclaimer: I have no insider knowledge and have 0 contact familiar with this shitshow and the protagonists.

Her posting a shower porn was likely an act of retaliation to embarrass Chris…

When someone posts their nudes online, it can be either accidental or purposeful. If the posting is purposeful, it cannot be about deflecting from an existing PR crisis for the sole reason that the distraction would only work temporarily. The thing you are trying to deflect from would come back and bite you (on the butt) very quickly AND you would have added a sex scandal to the mix. Not the greatest move. Especially when you are a woman. Men tend to go unscathed or even end up benefitting from such scandals, but it’s rarely the case for women because… double standards and misogyny, you know? 

So the reason someone would post their nudes, a sex tape or in this instance a shower porn is to find elsewhere. It is most likely to get attention. The question is: what kind of attention and from whom?

I suspect it was actually Chris’ side that leaked the receipts showing her to associate with racist/antisemitic people in what turned out to be a successful effort to silence her. The reason his team likely tried to keep her quiet is probably because she had made a couple of very costly mistakes prior to that.

What made Chris’ team want to silence her and get her under control…

Her first mistake was to post the now debunked fake yoga certificate so that she could place herself in Atlanta with Chris. It probably forced his team into damage control mode, as they had to get assistance from a yoga studio based in Atlanta and a couple of its members that helped corroborate Alba’s claims. But her most aggravating mistake was posting her mother’s age on Instagram, very shortly after people commented on the fact that Chris was closer in age to Alba’s mom than to Alba herself. It was a catastrophic move on her part because, it showed she and his team were lurking on SM, it showed how thin-skinned and rash she is and worse it drew more attention to the age difference and terrible optics of this “relationship”. 

Leaking her problematic stuff likely served as a warning shot to behave and stay quiet or else she would be destroyed. And that’s probably why she posted that shower porn, to embarrass Chris and get a semblance of revenge. I believe she felt safe doing that anyway because a marriage was already in the pipeline.

But notice that she has kept quiet since then. You can compare her SM activity before that event and after she came back to Insta, and it differs greatly. And of course, her problematic stuff never reached the general public. 

Do people remember the GQ event in Portugal where she refused to talk to the media and was said to be rude? It was most likely because that poor Nazi troll wasn’t allowed to speak. Her only job was to flash “her” ring in order to honor one of their sponsors and that was it. 

But she did manage to post a video of the rings with her soulmate Justin to try and embarrass Chris once more. 

Why a talent agency would seemingly work against its client’s best interests…

Of course, some people might think this theory has little credibility because leaking her problematic stuff doesn’t reflect on Chris well. But I believe that not only did the talent agency not mind this little problem, but they actually welcomed it. First of all, they made sure her problematic stuff never reached the general public, as this information was only destined to his fandom. But more importantly, why not charge more hours to your client to manage a crisis you have created yourself? That’s actually quite the smart savvy business model and that’s “capitalism” for you. 

It might be too cynical for some but we are talking about a company that allegedly dabbled in sex trafficking by providing actresses to a famous disgraced producer so that he could sexually assault them. They then allegedly helped cover the scandal by helping him destroy the lives of the women who dared speak up. So this shitshow, that would be kids’ stuff for them, wouldn’t it?  

Of course, such tactics have helped decrease Chris’ market value or help accelerate it but as you have noticed, all of his upcoming projects (excluding Red One) are CAA-backed, so they basically get him for cheaper. And Marvel is likely the only place where he can still get huge paychecks these days but they will get a big chunk of that anyway so basically it is a win-win situation for the talent agency. 

Of course, it’s difficult to know what is happening behind the scenes and it’s just speculation on my part but I suspect they no longer have much faith in Chris’ career and future. A few critically panned projects and commercial flops may have helped reinforce their strategy and it seems like that they are trying to squeeze as much money out of Chris as quickly as they can. 

The legend that Chris’ fandom is like the FBI is a great cover story…

Rumors are that the fandom uncovered Alba’s past and exposed her, like they have uncovered so much of Chris’ business over the years. But I suspect this is a lie. A very practical lie by the way. 

Because the legend that Chris’ fandom possesses the most amazing investigative skills has served two purposes. First of all, it has enabled the fandom to feel good about themselves as they could pat themselves on the back for being such great detectives. And yes, I would argue, it was a good thing to try to make a loyal fanbase feel good about themselves, especially when they are so easily and so often thrown under the bus. But more importantly, this legend has been used to cover the fact that this fandom has been infiltrated for years and has been fed information directly from his team. On this platform (which sponsored his NY con) and other SM platform. I have discussed it previously and have used many examples to illustrate that. 

Like a Team Real blog having a picture of Chris’ dog at the daycare center. Like a blog which made a (non)sensical U-turn from Team PR to Team Real (a very practical trajectory that I explained in a previous post) who allegedly recognized a hotel room in Finland or in… Lisbon!

Let’s talk for a second about the video Chris did in his hotel room in Lisbon for that teacher. Isn’t it amazing how quickly people found out where Chris had shot this video? Isn’t it tragic how that poor teacher allegedly had to quit her job because Chris’ crazy stalker fans harassed her? 

People would be smart to question the veracity of this story as it is likely totally fictional. It did serve at least 2 purposes. First, it helped reinforce the crazy fan narrative that has been shoved down our throats for years and more importantly it helped place Chris in Portugal, which was the whole point of this little video. His team leaked where Chris was (something they have done very often) to breadcrumb his relationship to Alba, so that his fans could connect the dots. Do people remember the first articles that came out after Chris and Alba became official? They all put so much emphasis on the fact that his fans figured it all out and put 2 and 2 together when Chris and Alba were trying so hard to be private. Because private people always breadcrumb their relationship on Social Media, don't they?

But it was nothing new for Chris as he was flirting very ostentatiously and so privately with Jenny on Twitter back in the day...

[s-soup111]

Remember when I loved you?

Paring: Gojo Satoru x (f) Reader

Genre: angst, smut🔞

Tags: misunderstandings, “friends” with benefits, spoilers if you haven’t watched S2.

He’d already told you not to fall in love, you understood that; although maybe a small part of you secretly wanted more that the nights where he’d use you for his own pleasure, before leaving you on that bed every cold night. A little part of your heart yearned for him to actually love you, devote himself to you and cherish you- but every night he’d make you forget that he didn’t love you, and never would. He took your first time, your first kiss, first everything. You were with him for most of his life, all until he became a jujutsu sorcerer.

He’d drawn the line on the first day. He didn’t want a relationship he had said to you. Neither did you, at least not at the time. But somehow he made you ‘love’ him- was it love? Or was it just a desperate need to be close to him, maybe the reason your heart aches when he flirts with someone else isn’t because you love him. You’ve never considered the thought of loving that problematic man. Not until now.

Tonight he did not come to your bed. You could not hear his footsteps from the heavy falling rain outside, it leaves you in deep thought; he’d said that it was only ‘something to relieve his stress’ and not to think too much of it, by why does he get so worked up when another guy puts his arm around your waist- surely it’s fine, seeing as he has multiple other women he can play with whenever he feels to. Why does he grab your hands and interlock fingers as he pulls you away from that man if it you weren’t meant to think too much of it? Surely that’s too mean of him.

What a hypocrite.

In the day, you push all your lingering feeling of him away; you carry out your job perfectly. You cannot falter- any second your life could be taken. You think, maybe in another universe, you could be allowed to love him. That thought almost costs your life. He saves you- that man, Gojo satoru. He tells you to leave, and you obey. Not noticing his lingering look at you.

Shoko fixes you, and you thank her. But late at night he breaks you. He shouts at you, “You should’ve been focused” “This isn’t like you.” You take them all, you stare up at the ceiling as he tells you off and fucks into you. Tonight it hurts, it’s rough. But you take it all anyway. The bed rocks aggressively from his thrusts and your head hits the headboard again and again, a little way of reminding yourself of what your relationship means. Nothing more than sex. When he finishes, he stands up and puts on his clothes. Then leaves as usual. A tear leaves your eye.

You leave as you are sent to Tokyo for a mission and Gojo is alone. He is alone as he tries not to think of you. He spends his nights alone these days, gazing up at the light shining from his phone, stalking your social media posts. It’s slightly concerning but he can’t help himself. Perhaps it’s a way to comfort himself from the thought that you’d come back battered and bruised again. He knows you won’t, you’ve been on occasional missions together when you were still high schoolers and never once did he see you break a sweat. Maybe he admires you for that. You’ve always looked flawless when you fought.

He’s never thought of you like this before, how strange. At least that’s what he tells himself before he falls asleep on your bed with your image somewhere in his mind.

You come back, safe as he’d predicted - and he’s glad. The only small issue he’s concerned about is that you came home with another man tied to your hip. You say, “Oh! Heyy Satoru, I met this sorcerer during my mission, he’s…” he didn’t hear the rest of it. He looked at this guy- he was pretty enough, Gojo would say so himself; he had quite exquisite blue eyes that would rival with his own; and had raving black hair and reached his elbows. He was quite pretty indeed and Gojo hated it.

You’ve been noticing the odd behavior that white haired man has had towards your new friend. He was quite worried about it and wouldn’t dare go near Gojo without you next to him. You weren’t stupid- you knew Gojo felt jealous, as he has been towards every other male species you “mingle” with. It’s not your fault, you want to have other friends too. Shoko doesn’t have the time to be hanging out with you all the time now- and half of the other friends you once had were six feet under. So of course you had to venture out and find your own friends.

That night, you sleep peacefully. It’s a cold night as the wind creeps through the cracks of your window. Only to be awaken by the swirling feeling in the pit of your stomach. Your mind was still foggy as you slowly cracked your eyes open, comprehending what was happening. Your pussy was being assaulted by Gojo’s erect cock as he grinded against your clothed clit and sucked on your collar like a bitch in heat. “F-fuck..” he groaned. “This pussy is making me go mad.” You looked up at the feral man above you, you spread your legs so he could get to you faster. You wanted this from the start so you had to obey.

‘This is a contract..this is only a contract.’ You told yourself as your breath hitches and heart speeds. It meant nothing more and never will mean anything. If he wanted to use you then you’ll let him. If he hurt you, you’d let him. Maybe you’d be a hypocrite if you said you wanted him to hurt you, as long as he’d stay.

He rutted against you, your walls fluttering around his cock, blood rushing to your core- begging for more. You rocked your hips against his, dampening your panties. You panted and whined “Just like that, good girl. You’re doing so well, slut.” His mouth comes down onto yours, hard and fast. Angry and demanding. You don’t let yourself think what it means. You just sink into it. For tonight, he is yours.

He takes off your clothes and easily slides his throbbing erection inside of your walls, tears escaped your eyes as he pounded inside of you desperately- as if he’d been starved of this, staved of your intoxicating pussy, as if it were carved out just for him. He pulls in and out, pushing needed pressure on your clit - tonight he puts an arm above your head, protecting you from the pounding you usually get from the aggressive sex Gojo presents you with. You are surprised but nothing sane can get through your mind as you come to the brink of your climax. He pounded into you faster, with a hurried pace indicating that he too was about to release. You clench around him as you drowned in your pleasure, he releases inside of you, his warmth spreading inside.

Both of your orgasms led you into a panting mess, sweat and sex covered the room- but you were slowly falling into a slumber once more, dried tears stained your face. Unable to remain conscious, you softly closed your eyes- with him still inside of you.

Tonight he doesn’t leave you.

The next morning he looks triumphant, he no longer looked coldly towards that friend of yours (although he does still give him some odd looks) and walks around the place with his carefree arrogance once more. You look at him skeptically, was it because he finally fucked you or was it because you had awoken with massive bruises on your neck and he’d woken up beside you. Nonetheless, you yourself were happy that you woke up next to a warm body. Something had shifted between the two of you that night, however you couldn’t put your finger on what it was- it made you extremely uncomfortable.

After the night before, you understood that you had to stop whatever you had between Gojo, it wasn’t healthy and you realized too late. You wondered what he’d think after you told him. You spent the entire day worrying over what you’d say, to be honest - you’ve actually never had a conversation longer than 2 minutes with that man, only consisting of moans and grunts during sex. You prayed to God that the conversion would go smoothly. You suddenly felt stupid, why did you pray to god when you didn’t even believe in yourself.

You were met with the pound sound of skin on skin contact. Except this time it wasn’t sex. He’d hit you. Actually hit. Your face was turned to the side from the impact- all you’d said was that you didn’t want whatever thing you had with him. Obviously he didn’t appreciate it. His white brows downturned into a from, his piercing blue eyes penetrated you, everything about the way he looked at you made you stiff in horror. “What did you just say?” “You don’t want this?” He whispered to you, his anger radiating in his voice.

“No..no I don’t. It’s gone on for too long and I-”

“Be quiet you slut, you can’t just leave me- it’s not fair.” He was shaking, you couldn’t tell if it were from anger or sadness but there was a definite hint of guilt in his eyes. He knew his love for you was ephemeral and he didn’t know what he would do about it. And now it lead to this.

He watched you slowly edge away from him, probably from terror of him. But for some reason he didn’t stop you. He watched you walk away from him and all of a sudden he realized that whatever remained of the friendship you once had no longer existed. Whatever love you probably held for him refused to linger any more. He realized all this as you turned your head whispering, “remember when I loved you?”

[peachglumpear]

twitlonger doesn't work anymore so i've decided to compile my thoughts on tumblr.

there are two reasons why tvskyle being arrested for csem enrages me aside from the obvious of the matter.

tvskyle was a known predator for years. if you google his name and "callout" there are troves of information about his harassment and predation to women. back when i had a professional art account despite that i was not an animator or heavily in animation circles this was public knowledge even to me.

2. this is what happens when people refuse to acknowledge predators can and will co-opt GOOD GUY / BAD GUY language to infiltrate and stay in circles.

anyways, that is the short version. this is the long version where i get into topics regarding abuse and harm that may be triggering.

first off, let's get over how using the word "paraphile/paraphilia" has become fearmongering and taking the words away from what they actually mean. "paraphilia", at its most base level definition means "a paraphilia is an experience of recurring or intense sexual arousal to atypical objects, places, situations, fantasies, behaviors, or individuals."

if you like BDSM, you're a paraphile. if you like bondage, you're a paraphile. if you like pregnancy, you're a paraphile. if you like fictional brothers kissing, you're a paraphile.

considering the DSM used to characterize homosexuality as a mental illness until 1973 (51 years ago, not that long in hindsight!) if you are not a cisheterosexual white man and like anything that is not cisheterosexual sex intended for the sole purpose of procreation with the intent to create children, you have a paraphilia.

paraphilia/paraphile in both proclaimed 'anti' and 'proship' spaces is becoming the new 'pedo', which is really just BAD PERSON. do not interact with me if you are a BAD PERSON who does BAD THINGS. BAD PEOPLE get away.

the reason why i do not have any disclaimers about "antis/pedos/zoos/etc dni" in my bio is because to me this is the same thing as saying "serial killers dni" ...i don't mean to sound snarky, this is just what it boils down to. if a person is out there harming someone, human or animal:

i do not know why they would proclaim this information publicly.

if someone is harming real beings, i do not think they would respect text on a screen if that very prominent line in the sand has already been passed.

tvskyle fits the mold for animation dudebro who was established in the industry of his choice despite the open knowledge of his predatory behavior. i cannot testify to if anyone knew he was possessing csem before he was officially arrested, but it was definitely open knowledge that he was the kind of man you wouldn't want left alone with female coworkers. some of this behavior was bad enough that even male coworkers would avoid him.

tvskyle also coopted proship/anti terminology.

this isn't me knocking on someone for their age, but when i first saw tvskyle posting about of all things, invader zim yaoi, my first thought was "why in the world would a 45 year old man who is an industry professional be so obsessed with arguing online about cartoon smut."

i guess you can argue about stupid things on the internet at any age at any level of industry success. but it was bizarre to me because it's not as though cartoon smut of any problematic variety should be news to someone working in animation in their 40s. The animators on the original Beetlejuice made jokes that BJ's fingertips were red from fingering Lydia on her period. The rugrats storyboarders drew horny jokes. There's infamous posts about animators finding the secret smut vaults for their shows. Cartoon smut has basically existed as long as cartoons have existed.

and then you find out tvskyle also drew pokemon porn that involved may (age 12), brock (age 15) and max (may's younger brother, age 8.)

wow, kyle! a threeway between a 12 year old and her 8 year old brother! that seems pretty problematic! incest and shota combo!

but i guess that's not an issue. it's not problematic when i draw it because i'm not a BAD PERSON.

tvskyle became weirdly obsessed with calling people out for cartoon smut despite that he drew smut you could categorize just as problematic in nature. and then he was found possessing some of the worst csem you can be found possessing. and he was found possessing over *600 images* of csem. that isn't something you gather overnight.

so there is the uncomfortable truth of the matter that predators can and will co-opt terminology to blend into any space. and this can happen anywhere. if someone wants to get under the radar in anti circles, they will rave about how bad cartoon smut is. if someone wants to get under the radar in proship spheres, they will adapt and use the appropriate terminology for that sphere.

and this is why to a whole, i find it incredibly reductive to use terms that reduce people into bad person / good person because at its most harmful, all it does is protect people who are continuing and perpetuating harm to real people.

i think everyone needs to acknowledge their capacity to harm as much as their capacity to heal. and before you think "wow peach that is a really wide assumption i would NEVER hurt someone like [x]" yes, i know, imaginary stranger in my head, this is not what i am saying.

what i mean when i say we all need to acknowledge our capacity to harm is because i believe the choice to be a good person or a bad person is a choice you make every day. if i am a "good person" my whole life and then one day...i don't know. i steal money from a homeless person, or i throw a drink made wrong in an overworked barista's face. all of the "good things" i have done would not cancel out that in those theoretical moments, i was not a good person. in fact, in these hypothetical scenarios, i was very nasty.

there have been days where i've had to be the friend who sits another friend down and talks with them about how something they said or did really hurt me. and likewise, sometimes i've had to come face to face with when i wasn't the good friend. it hurts both ways but let's be honest, someone hurting you doesn't come with the same fearful sting of "i hurt my friend. do they think i'm a BAD PERSON. am i the BAD PERSON now?"

and none of these conversations would have been productive or involved growth or greater understanding if they had come from the angle of YOU, a BAD PERSON, hurt ME, a GOOD PERSON. (on either end.)

i think acknowledging your capacity to harm simply means acknowledging you're human. you won't always be right. you will mess up and that's simply a part of the human experience. but being able to take accountability and examine when your actions have caused harm will be more beneficial to yourself and your loved ones in the long run.

the person who groomed me would not admit they had groomed and exploited a minor because in their mind, they are not a BAD PERSON.

the person who abused me would never admit to these things because in their mind, they are not a BAD PERSON.

to be a BAD PERSON is to lose everything because being a BAD PERSON is not to be any person at all.

of course these people never took responsibility for the harm caused to me.

only BAD PEOPLE do BAD THINGS.

the uncomfortable truth is there is no way to ping with 1000% accuracy someone intent on predation and harm. there are predators in white vans lurking outside of high schools, but the predators were also the charming and well spoken teachers who were very popular with coworkers, parents and their students. some people are simply better at adapting and blending in the system they want to exploit than others.

i think tvskyle fell somewhere in the middle. other inappropriate behavior of his was well known, but this wasn't enough for him to be blacklisted. as we all know, sexually harassing women is not a firable offense. for people missing the 50's, feel assured some thing have not changed. (<- very biting sarcasm.)

tvskyle is definitely not the last predator in animation, but what do you expect from circles that are essentially glorified high school cliques that only require ego stroking and circlejerking.

tvskyle may have been the most recent predator found, but he is definitely not the only one and anyone acting otherwise is just leaving the door open for these people to continue perpetuating harm.

[aliquistis]

On Mystra and Gale

Okay I gotta say it.

tl;dr: Gale is too old to have been groomed by Mystra (unless you headcanon him as 30 or younger), bc she was dead until 1479 (game year is 1492). I am not defending Mystra. Mystra is a mess. Her (FR) writing is a mess. But for this at least, the timeline doesn't add up.

Disclaimer: there is absolutely nothing wrong with people disregarding/tweaking lore for fan works/fanfic. God knows I do it all the time when I GM. That's your story now and you can do whatever you want with it, including exploring problematic relationships like what if Gale was groomed by Mystra? This is just a post for general information. Write what you want. Explore those dark recesses of the human heart. Fly free, you beautiful butterfly.

Too long but still gonna read explanation under the cut.

Let me preface this again: This is not a post in defense of Mystra. I have, in fact, been very loudly complaining about Mystra since long before Baldur's Gate 3 was even hinted. This is simply pointing out timeline discrepancies that it seems many newcomers to Forgotten Realms aren't aware of (totally understandable! You should not need to ingest 30 years of lore to enjoy a game and I'm not saying you do.) Additionally, FR literally kills Mystra every new edition and it gets dumber every time.

Anyways. It is highly unlikely that Gale was groomed by Mystra. This is not a statement of morality, it's a statement of timeline. Mystra died in 1385. She was in pieces (like bits of her magic were still in artifacts/her Chosen, such as Elminster in lore that I absolutely despise) and that, as far as I can tell, is how magic subsisted until 1479, when she was reconstituted by Elminster (in lore that I absolutely despise) This is a gross oversimplification of an event called the Spellplague. I am open to correction on how magic worked here because I moved to Pathfinder during the 4e era and you could not make me read those Elminster books if you put a gun to my head.

Regardless, from 1385-1479, Mystra was dead/missing/asleep. BG3 takes place in 1492. If Gale is 40 years old, he was born in 1452. This means, if Gale is 40, the youngest he could have been was 27 when Mystra contacted him. This lowers, obviously, if you think Gale is 35 or even 30. If he's 30 then Mystra could have contacted him at 17. Yes, a 17 year-old is a child and this could have led to grooming, but Mystra wasn't at full strength when she first returned and she most likely wasn't seeking new Chosen until the next year, 1480. Regardless, this is the reason I put grooming as Highly Unlikely instead of Impossible. I personally believe Gale is older than 30 (I say this as a person in their 30s), I believe he was written with the intention of being a man older than 30, and I cannot see him being in his 20s. (more power to you if that's your headcanon, he's an archmage, he could be 600 for all we know, fly free, etc)

OKAY THAT SAID. Would she have groomed him? Fucking probably! Mystra is a mess. I have been playing in Forgotten Realms in tabletop and video game settings for going on 25 years now and let me tell you. Mystra is a mess. I could make a whole long ass other post on all the many problems I've had with her writing over the years. Even without the "Mystra banged a minor" angle here, there is a serious power imbalance and very obvious manipulation on her part. And I'm here to tell you Gale isn't even the first wizard she has done this to! She's done much worse! Mystra has a ton of flaws (I could write a BOOK on Mystra's flaws) but it remains highly unlikely that grooming Gale in particular is one of them.

If you'd like more FR lore this person has some amazing lore write-ups that I really enjoyed reading during EA. And here is Mystra's forgotten realms wiki page, already linked to her death and return.

(my friend told me to post this after I kept bitching to them about Lore on discord and They Know Who They Are)

[jeanie-in-a-bottle]

——(I haven’t heard people talking about these so idk how y’all feel but, psa if ur gonna be an asshole dni pls & ty, take care of yourself & have a nice day)——

the idea that a lot of people have come to, of Callie having a crush on Lottie is so exciting to me, as I am a huge fan of problematic age gap lesbians! the biggest fan. I lowkey see a lot of tension, and crazy chemistry , and while i think that yj’s would neverrrr have Lottie reciprocate Callie’s feelings, if her feelings are canonical at all, in my heart they have something.

And for those depraved lesbians out there like me, here’s some other ships that scratch the same itch.

1994 Interview with the Vampire’s Madeline & Claudia/ Book Claudia and Madeline

Now they are a minor part of the film, more prevalent in the book, but still not quite ever in the main spotlight much.

Regardless, they have a very interesting homoerotic tone to their relationship, as all Anne rice vampires do. Madeline lost her child, and Claudia needs someone to take care and protect her as she is an immortal child physically, while being an adult mentally. so she chooses Madeline as her companion, she cannot turn her though, she must enlist her father/lover/companion to turn her instead, but still Madeline is fully Claudia’s, even trying to protect her till their bitter end of ashes.

(canon/implied canon)

now this is fully hc, as they quite literally never interact but! hear me out,

Bedelia Dy Maurier x Abigail Hobbs (Abidelia?)

this one came from a discussion I had with a friend, where I said that as Hannibal’ murder family was inspired by IWTV’s unholy family, that Abigail should’ve had a homoerotic mother/daughter relationship, and so this was born.

First of all, god knows Abigail needed a break from dads, and Alana, was kind and caring, but that’s not the kind of touchy-feely thing that Abigail wants or needs. I think Bedelia’s demeanor would be helpful to Abigail, and Bedelia would find fascination with Abigail.

(HC)

Carmilla x Her Lovers/ The Vampire Lovers

Now this one is less like in your face, but still it remains that Carmilla is a woman physically in early 20’s or so, around 300years old in actuality, and her lovers are teens, 16-19 range

I love her possessive nature/love before she brings them death, it’s quite beautiful to see. It’s from the 70’s and it’s such a well done film, I would go on but I already have in other posts, but it remains that Carmilla’s sly manipulation and seduction is a sight to behold.

I knowwww there’s more really good ones out there, but I can’t think of any right now, lmk if you have any haha. i love sick lesbians, I’m always open to suggestions! love ya <3

[lurkingshan]

Wedding Plan and the Evolution of MAME

I have a bit of a love/hate thing going on with MAME, one of the most notorious writers in the bl genre. Her shows have traditionally been a mixed bag of incredible chemistry, high heat, dubious consent, and pushy semes transgressing every boundary laid out for them, all of it built atop a foundation of heteronormativity and homophobic tropes. In the early years of bl, her shows were one of the only places you could go to see mature depictions of intimacy in relationships, but they also necessitated dodging through a landmine of problematic content. So my long standing policy has been to never watch her shows live and instead binge them when they’re done so that I can go in with some idea of what to expect. As someone who liked Love By Chance and TharnType for what they did well despite their problematic aspects, and actually kinda loved Love in the Air, I figured I would watch Wedding Plan at some point, but it wasn’t that high on my priority list. 

So imagine my surprise when people I trusted started telling me: hey wait, this is actually really good? Like, not good for MAME, but genuinely, legitimately a quality show. @bengiyo wrote a great post on the queer read of the story that was very intriguing indeed. @ginnymoonbeam wrote about seeing an authentic representation of her own experiences in the show. When I asked for others to weigh in, @negrowhat, @slayerkitty, @thegalwhorants, @nieves-de-sugui, @he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle, and @magpie24601 all said they were enjoying it to various degrees and that it felt different from MAME’s previous works. So this weekend, I sat down to watch it, and as soon as I finished, I pinged @waitmyturtles, who had previously said she did not intend to watch any additional MAME shows, to tell her she had to add it to her project tracking the evolution of Thai bl. 

Because y’all, this show! This show is stunning, in more ways than one. The people and settings are gorgeous (shoutout to that McDonald’s money), the characters are compelling and sympathetic even when they behave in frustrating ways, the romance is properly swoony, the friendships are deep and touching, the family relationships are complex, and the ending is triumphant. I enjoyed it immensely, and I was taken aback by how genuinely rooted in queer experience and celebratory of queer love it felt. It was kind of a revelation, and I felt compelled to get down some thoughts about it. I’m going to break this down by narrative themes and characters so that I can dig into some of the tropes at play and what makes their deployment feel different here than it has in MAME’s previous shows.

The Core Premise

When I say this story feels authentically queer, this premise is the foundation of that. A lavender marriage is something that can only occur between queer characters. Right away, we are kicking MAME’s typical use of heteronormative tropes right out the door, because Lom already has a wife. Yiwa is his stand-in for the female partner his parents and society expect him to have, so Nuea cannot and will not fulfill that role. Instead, Lom’s pursuit of Nuea is explicitly about his desire to break away from those constraints and pursue the authentic queer life he has never been allowed to live, even if he has to do it undercover of this facade. Lom is gay, and he is pursuing a relationship with a gay man, and there is no coding here to make a heterosexual audience feel like what he wants with Nuea is the same as what he’d have with a woman. The difference, and the way one fulfills Lom while the other doesn’t, is the point.

Nuea

At first glance, our POV character, Nuea, feels like a stock MAME uke character. He is cute, he is a romantic, he is emotionally reactive, and he has a massive crush on Lom pretty much from jump. But pretty quickly, we start to notice some important differences between Nuea and those who came before him, starting with his competence and confidence. Nuea is the ace at his company and excellent at his work, and he’s financially comfortable. He is an out and confident gay man with a strong community of coworkers, friends, and family who will support him through anything and close ranks to protect him when needed. He does not share the standard characteristic of typical MAME ukes: uncertainty about who he is and/or low self-esteem. There’s simply not a whiff of that anywhere on Nuea. He knows who he is, and he knows what he wants. And as the story unfolds and Nuea gets deeper entangled with Lom, we recognize another crucial aspect of him: he is experienced, both emotionally and sexually. Nuea has been in relationships before, he knows how to say no, he knows how to draw a boundary, and he knows when he is deciding to cross one. In short, Nuea has something crucial that a lot of MAME ukes are lacking: power and agency. 

We see this throughout his relationship with Lom, as Nuea begins their flirtation eyes wide open about his own feelings and the fire he’s playing with, and alternately pulls back and pushes forward as his conscience wars with his desires. Nuea wants Lom. Their attraction is extremely mutual. No one is wearing anyone down or inspiring a sexuality crisis in this dynamic. Instead, Nuea’s struggle is rooted in his own morality and desire to be a good person, because he thinks Lom is taken, and he wants him anyway. Which is why we see him waffling so much and sending Lom all kinds of mixed signals, pushing him away with one hand while grabbing him back with the other, drawing boundaries only to step right back over them at the next opportunity. And when he finally crosses a boundary that he can’t rationalize (sex with Lom), he retreats back home to try to get his head together. It’s not an accident that despite Lom being in the active pursuer role, we see Nuea make a conscious decision to move forward and even be the one to initiate a relationship progression at several crucial points in the story. Nuea is making his own decisions here, and he has his own power over Lom that he exercises consistently. He’s warring with himself, not with Lom.

Lom

Lom is also, on the surface, a fairly standard MAME seme character. He wants Nuea, and he’s comfortable being pushy about it. He pursues Nuea fairly relentlessly, showing up in front of him even when he’s told not to, and leverages his role as Nuea’s client to see him as often as possible. He obsessively pines for Nuea in a way that also feels familiar. But for me, there is something that makes Lom stand out and feel markedly different from his predecessors in his romantic pursuit: sincerity and frank honesty. 

From the start, Lom is genuine in his interest in Nuea and sincere about how much he likes and admires him. He tells him in a very straightforward manner that he likes him and wants to spend time with him. He tells him he knows he doesn’t have the right, but he wants to kiss him and be near him anyway. He tells him exactly what he intends to do to stay close to him, and then he does it. He tells him honestly that he loves Yiwa, but not in the way Nuea thinks, and that he is not marrying her because he’s being forced. “But Shan,” I hear you yelling, “he did not tell him the most important truth!” And you’re right, he didn’t, at least not until he was forced to do so. Which brings me to the other thing that makes Lom so compelling: the constraints of the closet and his loyalty to Yiwa. 

Lom, unlike Nuea, does not have a supportive family or the freedom to live as an out gay man. What he does have is a best friend whom he loves deeply and completely, to the extent that he would sacrifice his own life and chance at happiness to protect hers. He has no choice but to hold some things back, because to lay it all bare would expose not only him, but her. The decision to tell a boy he likes the truth about the nature of their relationship is not just about him; anyone knowing is also a risk to Yiwa and the life she is building with Marine. And he takes his duty to protect that very seriously. On top of that, Lom has been in the closet since he was a teenager. We know that Lom and Yiwa connected over their queerness and their mothers’ bigotry when they were only 15 and 13, respectively. They grew up Knowing. That self-protective mindset is not something you can easily shake off, and not something you risk for any given person you develop a crush on. He is trying to walk a line in his pursuit of Nuea to snatch whatever happiness he can without blowing up his entire life. 

And to Lom’s credit, the moment he realizes how serious he is about Nuea, he goes after him (with Yiwa and Marine’s support), dutifully pays his penance and earns the respect of Nuea’s family, and finally unburdens himself, looking at Nuea with complete and total honesty and saying to him “This is who I am, this is my situation, can you deal with it? Do you still want me?” And by the way he sobs when Nuea says “YES” and asks to be part of his arrangement with Yiwa and Marine, he never expected for someone like Nuea to accept him and all the complications of his life. He was absolutely overcome by gratitude and relief, and you could see the burdens he’s been living under start to lighten. 

Yiwa and Marine

I don’t have anyone to compare Yiwa and Marine to, because to my recollection, they are the first significant female characters in any MAME story. And significant is an understatement. Yiwa is the engine that drives this entire story. The lavender marriage is her idea, because it’s the only way she can think to give herself the freedom to be with Marine under her mother’s watchful eye. She is the one who goes to her best friend and begs him to do this for her, because she trusts him absolutely and the devotion between them is complete enough that she knows he will sacrifice in such a monumental way for her. She is the one who encourages Lom to pursue his own happiness with Nuea within the constraints of their arrangement, hoping that he will find his own Marine that can hang in for this half life they’ve constructed to meet the tenets of filial piety. She is the one who ultimately decides to come clean when she sees how the lie is hurting Nuea. And she is the one who makes the final decision to prioritize her love over her obligations to her parents, and in doing so frees them all. 

The fact that a character like Yiwa exists in the bl genre at all, let alone in a MAME show, is mind-blowing to me. A female character with this much depth and narrative importance, who is not just here to play a cheerleader to men but instead to be a fully realized character with her own narrative? A female character who matters? In my Thai bl?? 

And Marine gets to matter, too. Marine, whose experience of coming into this relationship and accepting the limitations of the life Yiwa can offer her is treated with the utmost seriousness. Marine, who we see in joy and in struggle, who is kind and compassionate with Lom, who offers solace and guidance to Nuea, and who ultimately crumbles under the weight of Yiwa’s mother’s cruelty and reaches her breaking point. As minor as her role is, she feels like a real person, not a generic side character. The relationship between her and Yiwa is developed enough to make us feel invested in their happiness, to understand the choices they make, and to ultimately feel joy at them breaking free and living a more authentic life, even if it comes at the expense of Yiwa’s family bonds.

The Ending

Which brings me to the way this show ended its story, and how glorious it was. Yiwa and Marine run away to live on their own, freeing Lom from their agreement in the process. Yiwa takes full blame for the broken engagement, a parting gift to Lom that saves face for his parents and gives him cover to publicly dodge any further expectations for marriage to a woman. Lom’s mother, who is just as bigoted but not quite as stubborn and short-sighted as Yiwa’s mother, understands exactly what has happened, and reaches out to her son to assure him that she will no longer try to force the issue, and to ask him plainly not to run away from his family like Yiwa did. It’s not the support and love of Nuea’s family, but a kind of resigned acceptance that she offers. She knows who Nuea is to her son and she knows if she tries to intervene any further she will lose him for good. It was reminiscent for me of the dynamics between Shiro and his parents in Kinou nani tabeta—it still hurts, but it's a detente everyone can live with.

And Lom and Nuea? Have the freedom to love each other more openly. To flirt in a restaurant and hold hands in public. To live together and call themselves partners to the people who matter. We end on a message from Nuea about the beauty and joy of queer love, the simple nature of two people deciding to marry regardless of their gender, and a promise that someday soon he and Lom will be the ones to make that commitment. Just, perfection, and an earned resolution so rooted in a genuine queer experience. It’s not something I could have imagined seeing in a Thai bl even a few short years ago, and I am stunned that MAME is the one who delivered it. Her storytelling is clearly evolving with the culture around her, and I will be going into her future works with an open mind.

[shellem15]

So I mentioned in another post that I had issues with Bells Hells' conversation with the Matron, and I thought I'd expand on that here:

Aside from the obvious "Bells Hells took the completely wrong conclusion from what the Matron was saying", I have some… gripes…with how that convo went.

To preface, I fucking CALLED the "Matron and Old God of Death (OGOD) had a thing" SO long ago!!! As soon as I heard fucking Purvan Suul say "none of the primes have felt challenges to their domains" I was like oop-- HOLD ON A MINUTE! The brainworms were COOKING can I say.

The only thing I didn't expect was that the Matron and OGOD worked on the rituals of ascension TOGETHER. I figured that they had a close (possibly romantic) relationship, I figured that he knew she was gonna replace him ahead of time and ultimately okayed it, I figured it was terribly tragic. I just didn't expect that he was an active participant in the process.

(If you want to see the full extent of my original Matron-OGOD theory/headcanon, you can find that post here.)

Anyways, I have mixed feelings about this reveal. I like most of it, for sure, and nothing about it is specifically problematic, but it just feels *off* to me for some reason. (Maybe because I had a whole ass headcanon laid out already lmao).

I think it's the part that he actively helped her create the ritual that bothers me. I remember another post discussing this more than me, about how it almost devalues her accomplishment, y'know? Almost implies that she *couldn't* have done it without his help.

I'm sure that wasn't the intent, of course, but it still rubbed me the wrong way. It's just not a necessary detail to have, I feel like. She could have her own ambitions for godhood, and could have loved him and wished to give him peace, and could do all of that without him *actively helping* her.

Now, we don't know what her ambitions for godhood were before they met, so we don't have all the context surrounding the situation. But that in itself is a problem: Why *don't* we know those ambitions? That feels important to mention, even briefly, so why was this part of the conversation *solely* focused on her relationship with the OGOD? BELLS HELLS DON’T CARE ABOUT THE GODS, this didn't really sway them either way.

Actually, I do know why there was so much focus on their relationship, which leads into my major issue with this conversation: The Raven Queen survived her ascension because of her love for the OGOD, and Bells Hells can do the impossible (contain Predathos as a vessel) through the power of ~love~.

*Big Sigh* Okay, here's the thing: I would be perfectly fine with this plot point if we HADN'T JUST COME BACK FROM DOWNFALL. AKA "LOVE WAS THERE, IT DIDN'T SAVE THEM" THE SERIES. WHAT DO YOU MEAN "You can do the impossible through the power of love"??? (The spirit of Arthur Aguefort possesses me) WE LITERALLY JUST SAW THAT NOT BE THE CASE!! Unless what we saw in Downfall was WRONG, apparently!? I guess the gods just DIDN'T LOVE EACH OTHER ENOUGH to reconcile huh? Pack it up, folks! We've solved the riddle! The gods just need to LOVE EACH OTHER MORE to fix all their problems!

(If I was one of the gods, and I overheard this shit, I would SMACK HER. The AUDACITY of this b1tch)

*Ahem* Anyways, now that I've calmed down, let me reiterate: Normally, I would be perfectly fine with this plot point. I quite enjoy a good "the power of love" story. But here's the thing: You cannot do this "power of love" thing immediately after you've *already disproven it* in a whole ass flashback-miniseries. Not only have you undermined the tragedy of the previous storyline, you're also setting yourself up for future plot holes and inconsistencies! Why bother playing out Downfall in the first place if it's major themes are just going to be immediately undermined?

It's just, the gods are beings of pure conviction. They are defined by their domains, and cannot act outside of them. The tragic thing is, when they fled Tengar so long ago, it WASN’T love that saved them, that made them real. The ACTIONS they took are what made them real, and they are bound to be ONLY those actions FOREVER. Whether they were motivated by love or not is ultimately irrelevant, because love didn’t define them, their convictions did, and still do.

They were doomed from the start, the actions that made them real are what damned them in the end. Because as beings of pure conviction, compromise is impossible. The Dawnfather HAS to be a guiding light and the Ruiner HAS to destroy and the Lord of Hells HAS to burn and the Everlight HAS to reach out to him and he HAS to lie and burn her in return because that’s *all they are*. And if their convictions are fundamentally at odds with each other, there is no room for reconciliation; it’s as unattainable to them as suddenly sprouting wings and flying is to us. That’s just not something we can do; no amount of love will make wings sprout from our backs. No amount of love between the gods will change their natures.

(And this logic applies to the gods and mortals as well! Aeor didn't fall because the Prime deities don't love mortals! It fell because the Gods' natures apply BOTH WAYS: The Dawnfather HAS to be a guiding light so Ayden HAD to try to save both Aeor and his siblings, he can't just selectively choose his nature when it's most convenient. And that ultimately doomed Aeor, because saving mortals and saving the Betrayers are inherently at odds with each other. Conversely, Asmodeus HAS to lie and lies hurt people so he will ALWAYS hurt both his siblings and mortals, so he was ALWAYS going to drop Aeor out of the sky. There was no other course of action. Love or hate was never going to change anything.)

The love was there, and it didn’t save them. In many ways, it just made things worse, desperately clinging to each other and hurting each other and the world in the process because the thought of separation is too painful to even consider. They love each other deeply but the love they have cannot outweigh their convictions, so the conflict of this inherent contradiction ends up destroying themselves and the world. Isn’t that what Downfall was trying to convey?

Bells Hells are seemingly the exact opposite of the gods. What conviction do they have, really? Except Orym and maybe Ashton, they all seem to just be along for the ride. No strong opinions either way. Which makes me question why Downfall was even included, because (ignoring the obvious in-text reasoning), a flashback sequence like that is, narratively, supposed to parallel your main story. It should highlight flaws within your main characters and show them what NOT to do. It should serve as a cautionary tale that motivates them and encourages character growth and self-reflection, not draw them into more indecision. Downfall didn't really change anything about Bells Hells, it didn't really influence their decisions much at all.

(This sucks, because I fucking LOVE Downfall! Why didn't it have more impact??? Why was it seemingly just forgotten about except to be used in cyclical debates that ultimately didn't go anywhere anyways???)

As Downfall established, love isn't a saving grace. Love is a motivator at best, a hindrance at worst. Love is second to conviction, to tangible action, which is what Bells Hells has been severely lacking. The gods failed Exandria and each other because their natures make them incapable of compromise, not because they didn't love each other enough. What should have been taken from this (in my opinion), is that Bells Hells MUST have strong convictions when taking any sort of tangible action, but they must ALSO have the flexibility to cooperate with others and compromise on certain issues for any actual positive change to occur.

The conversation with the Matron should have supported Downfall and helped guide Bells Hells towards this conclusion. It didn't actually have this effect, however, because although she did call out Bells Hells' indecisiveness (good) and encouraged them to decide for themselves (also good), this effect was immediately undermined by the whole "power of love" thing. Which only served to exacerbate Bells Hells' indecisiveness, which has ultimately culminated in the disappointed responses to the Big Button Push which just happened.

So yeah.

[doubleedgemode]

that post u made about A.B.A regarding her classic GG quotes is so interesting I had no idea she said that! I haven’t played the earlier games, would u happen to have screenshots of where she says that or where I might be able to see some of her classic/unused quotes ? I just like having that stuff on hand lol. Thank you!

Thanks to you, anon, for making me revisit the screenshots, and sure thing! I'm gonna link the page, keep in mind it's super meaty and covers a lot of characters so ctrl F search will be your best friend to find specific character/quotes :)

I found them in this big quote compilation in guiltygear.ru, click the sentence to go there. (Kudos to @/solradguy's big gg neo.cities archival efforts making me find the page)... BUT before anything, important DISCLAIMERS❗:

1. Some of the quotes in general can get kind of explicit or with double entendres so uh keep that in mind.

2. Something I just learnt after going to find you the translations, it's to keep in mind their author: See, this is better explained in the aforementioned ne.ocities archival, but a lot of the site's translations were made by someone who, without going too much into detail, is... a controversial member of the community, who is known for putting a good bunch of misconceptions and mistakes into their translations. (Also they have, in my opinion, unsavory and even problematic takes about the franchise. Don't try to argue with them, just block, per proper net etiquette) I don't know japanese so I don't know if this quote index suffers from that so in the end, we'll have to take all this quote info with a huge grain of salt.

Keeping all this in mind, this is already probably a wordier answer than you expected BUT since we are at it, I'll ramble about some A.B.A quotes (in no order) that I found interesting about the topic under the cut, if you want to read that.

First and third quotes in this picture are pretty self explanatory about this part of her character. The vs Faust intro... Man, that looks straight out of her strive song. Dunno if they pulled inspiration from that, but it seems even in the classic days they had a pretty clear idea of part of A.B.A's story being existing and thriving in her own unique way.. Which makes me kind of emotional for some reason ;_;

These were NOT unused as far as I can tell, but obviously do correct me if wrong!

I find it fascinating how much of clear glimpses these are are into her law obsession (more on that specific one later) and believing herself to be a high class person and looking above "lower classes" shoulders.

Some of these aren't exclusively about the aforementioned topics but they mention her cooking god knows what creatures (like in that one infamous xxac ending) and just.. being a scared, pathetic individual at heart. Sigh.

There are probably more examples of all this but this post needs to end sometime today.😭 So, returning to her law thing being an obsession in capital letters, look at her ingame overdrives:

But before that, the elephant in the room: People's observations of her instakill looking pretty taxing to her to perform and even making a berserk Paracelsus look like even he thinks this goes too far are not far from the truth. "I might not recover this time... Dying!!!" What else can I say, that's just sad.. and very interesting lorewise about the toll of this kind of summonings. Yeah, people noticed that in strive, she can summon the same exact door as in her insta with no struggle (or at least not the same level for sure) indicates her power or skill have improved which is so so fascinating.. Anyways. Back to the law thing. We've always had a huge sign under our noses: Her saying Evidence in her overdrives. While sure it can be evidence in a more general meaning, like proving facts or something, it does call to LEGAL evidence, too

...Maybe that was super obvious for everybodh but I'm afraid to admit I didn't connect the dots til now haha 😅

I cannot access my xxacp copy right now to see if her saying shouko during her overdrives is correct, but were we to take this as truth and also trust a japanese language study site as solid because. Again I have zero knowledge of japanese... According to Nihongoclassroom..

It can be used in a legal setting.

And with this we can neatly wrap this up... Tdlr I guess she's living up to her creator being a mansion owner (which isn't precisely cheap) and it gets so interesting and double edged (HAH) if you believe her classic games was as self aware while doing this and fooling herself as strive A.B.A is.

AND she has or had a HUGE interest in law (and if u allow me to reach mayyybe morality too?). While probably not as core to her as her key thing, she sure has told the audience almost as much as it.

[souji-upseta]

yo my name is nyx, it's my birthday today (2/3). my birthdays have sucked SHIT the past few years for reasons that are depressing—

—cringe is also dead, i killed her myself, and i'm still grieving her loss. its been very hard for me—

—since i am the protagonist of Me and can do st abt this, this year i turn 31, and i will at some point turn 31.4, with all of this in mind, what do i want for my birthday? i'll tell you:

to talk about homestuck.

i'll do that, anyways, but you'd be doing me a gift by giving me a prompt to follow, and to feel slightly more validated in my inability to shut up about my hyperfixation.

so i'm asking YOU to talk about homestuck with me.

talk to me abt homestuck? ask me my headcanons. my thoughts. my relationship to the work. tell me yours. expect nothing that's profound, and plenty that's stupid.

i'm even turning anon on, for the first time in 6 fucking years. where making this happen.

this never expires btw. today is my birthday, but, for story purposes, let's say that it's still my birthday after it isn't, bc i will still want and, if i am honest, NEED you to talk to me about homestuck for years onward. i'm very metatextual like that.

i get the feeling it's going to be a long day.

>Nyx: Be the other guy.

You are now the other guy! What will you do?

>Web Tumblr User: Inbox Tumblr user souji-upseta?

>Mobile App Tumblr User: Do that, but hyperlink is unavailable?

=(n×∞)>

FOURTH WALL BREAK!

you are now nyx again, and i am now me, and i need to exposit some lore.

as in, some starting points to get u going, since "homestuck" is a very broad subject:

•i'm a massive massive slut for the epilogues and post canon content/hsbc. pesterquest is too good for this gay earth.

•dirk is my fav, ALL of the dirks, all of them, and it isn't even close. my fav relationship is the canon platonic/familial one between dirk and dave. i fucking love the striders. dave is my 1.5th fav.

•im more invested in dave's relationship to corndogs (and corn dogs) than you even know.

•mspa reader is my second fav after the striders, bc they are a good thembo friendsimp and also bc they are me and they are You. i might be biased. i love You. i love me. i love us. we're fucking gr8.

•im pretty canon-compliant, so my fav ship is dirkjake as exes (for now), and my fav ship as not-exes is panquadrant (canon) davekat.

i'm also really fascinated by rosemary and would welcome more opportunities to learn abt and talk about them but if homestuck makes a statement about anything it's to let the women and the sapphic characters tell their story (thats a joke, talk to me abt them too)

•june eg(g)bert real.

•i'm fascinated by classpects and the applications of paradox space's classpecting and extended zodiac system when applied to real life, since our only experience of those fictional systems is in linear dimensions of spacetime, and our only experience of astrology is as a species that in-universe cannot experience the sign caste system the same way the fictional aliens that created our species in their own image do. skaia knows, but we sure as fuck don't.

•i'm a former prince of heart (2012-2020) and a current knight of space, and my aspect is light. that is a thing that actually makes perfect sense for the reasons i just said.

don't ask me about vriska serket or (vriska) serket. not bc i'm not willing to discuss dark or problematic characters (hello, lanque bombyx) but bc:

for one, she can speak for her damn self, and has, tyvm.

for two, talking at length about a problematic character in any positive capacity marks you as an enemy of the state if that character is a woman, and being an enemy of the state is way too much fucking pressure for me for reasons i already explained as soon as i told you i'm a knignt of space. i wouldnt make a very good enemy of the state. it'd be an unhealthy blackrom relationship to the detriment of us all.

for three, i can just give you all my opinions/headcanons on vriska that matter:

•JOHN HUGGING VRISKA IN HSBC YESSSSSSSSSS

•she's greasy and gross and unkept af but not unclean or unsanitary, like, she bathes, she smells fine, she changes her clothes, but she's got the troll crust punk aesthetic absolutely on LOCK. she doesn't comb her hair.

•it would have been funny if she did even more bad things

•aradia did nothing wrong. vriska did but the meme is funny even if someone needs to take that meme out back and shoot it for the good of humanity.

•she should beat up ultimate dirk, and my reasoning for that is bc that would, also, be really fucking funny if she did

•john has both punched her in the face and hugged her, and now that john has punched aranea in the face, all that's left is for june—i assume she will have come out of her egg(bert) by then—to hug aranea and complete the circle of stupidity.

•she is trans yeah but she doesn't wanna get into it, she doesn't have to, and neither do i.

•vrisrezi most important relationship in homestuck.

there. you already got me to talk about vriska at length, and you didn't have to try. moot issue.

[aurum-rays]

Meeta is the only reason why I go back to watching Hasee Toh Phasee, even though it has some problematic elements. Meeta and the music of the film, to be precise, but more particularly Zehnaseeb and Ishq Bulava, but that's another post.

Meeta, played by Parineeti Chopra, is shown as an intelligent girl right from childhood, along with Nikhil, played by Siddharth Malhotra. When the film opens with both our protagonists’ childhood counterparts, it's very interesting to see a young Meeta closing the door while a young Nikhil tries to open a closed door. While he does this to watch his favorite film, Agneepath, 14 years later Nikhil breaks out of his room by unscrewing the room’s windows to attend a wedding where he meets Meeta hanging by a barbed wire fence, trying to run away.

After their brief conversation, we understand that both of them have similar ideas and are alike, which we already established from the opening scene. As they say their goodbyes, Meeta asks Nikhil, whom she just met, to come to Goa with her. He doesn't, unfortunately. (He later in the film realizes how big of a mistake it was.) But this post is not about the “swooning” chemistry Nikhil and Meeta had. This post is only about Meeta as a character and how much we need more of her in the movies.

First, let me put aside a few things by saying that I absolutely despised the bade pappa who loves slapping Meeta, and the rest of her family who are at any given time passing sexist comments on the sisters. They always want their girls to wear “dhang k kapde.” Meeta’s dad is the only one who has encouraged her smarts since childhood, and I am glad that he finally takes her side during the climax. I also hated that Meeta takes all the pills at the airport (which she later pukes), which made her look like she has forgotten her goal, her lab, her colleagues, working on the project, everything basically everything she went through, all the family trauma, and the reason she came home for. It just felt extremely out of character for her. Yes, she's in love with a guy who is going to get married to her sister. I get it! But that one scene just felt… I mean… She did her PhD on her own, started her lab, her thesis and her project all without any support from family and her forgetting all of that instantly just felt out of place. But then again, “the things love makes you do,” I guess.

Now that all that's out of the way, here's why I loved watching Meeta.

Meeta is a scientist. She casually starts explaining physics concepts during conversations (the hiccup scene). She comes from a science background and all her bits and her dialogues are just straight-up facts. She's extremely intelligent and a little bit quirky and does weird stuff sometimes, although most of it is due to her medicines. But I don't blame her for it. If I had a family who constantly called me crazy, disowned me, abused me, and behaved like I didn't exist, I would be popping some pills too. The scene with her singing “Ek garam chai ki pyali ho” or even the confusion that ensues with the twin relatives at the bazaar is a laugh riot.

Meeta deserved better treatment from everyone in her family. But just Meeta as a character deserved better.

I cannot remember any other female character in Indian cinema that was showcased as a highly intellectual, nerdy protagonist. Even though Hasee Toh Phasee isn't a Meeta-centric movie (it should've been) and doesn't talk sensitively about Meeta’s conditions (most of her behavior from the meds is shown comedically), this was the only film where I was rooting for the female lead and wanted to put up Meeta’s poster in my room. I mean, where in movies do we have a female scientist protagonist, and that too in a rom-com?

Even after being raised in an extremely orthodox family, she dares to dream, and with her dad’s support, she fulfills her dreams and makes a crazy invention. She knows what she wants, and she goes to extremes to fulfill her goals. The only unfortunate part of her life is her unsupportive, misogynist family who will spend money on lavish weddings but won't fund their daughter's educational needs. This is why Meeta runs away with the money.

As a physics nerd, I would've loved to see more about Meeta’s life in China, her friends, her colleagues, and her work, Or just her growing years as a science enthusiast that made her a scientist. Because Meeta, for me, felt like “finally a nerdy female character who is not shown as one of the bros or an introverted thick-rimmed glass-wearing geek or even a stereotypical tomboy.” Meeta, in my books, will always remain a superhero scientist, creator of the perpetual motion machine polymer ball whose story still needs to be told.

Meeta is not a manic pixie dream girl who's here to save the male protagonist from his depressed life and show him the “world through a different lens,” nor is she a damsel in distress who needs saving. She's here for herself. She comes home from China for her lab, her project, and her passion. Meeta is an extremely intelligent, career-driven woman who also knows that “Do half mein ek full se zyada milta hai”! 😉

[black-arcana]

BUTCHER BABIES Announce September/October 2024 U.S. Tour

BUTCHER BABIES will embark on a U.S. headlining tour in September. Support on the "Good Lord! The Butcher's Ded!" trek will come from DED, DROPOUT KINGS and FOX LAKE.

Tickets go on sale this Friday, August 9.

Tour dates:

Sep. 18 - Palmdale, CA - Transplants Brewing Company Sep. 19 - Los Angeles, CA - 1720 Sep. 20 - Bakersfield, CA - Temblor Brewing Company Sep. 21 - Reno, NV - Cypress Reno Sep. 23 - Seattle, WA - El Corazon Sep. 24 - Portland, OR - Bossanova Ballroom Sep. 26 - Salt Lake City, UT - Metro Music Hall Sep. 27 - Colorado Springs, CO - Black Sheep Sep. 29 - Denver, CO - HQ Oct. 01 - Tulsa, OK - The Shrine Oct. 02 - Oklahoma City, OK - 89th St Oct. 04 - Austin, TX - Come And Take It Live Oct. 05 - Dallas, TX - RBC Oct. 06 - San Antonio, TX - The Rock Box Oct. 07 - El Paso, TX - RockHouse Bar & Grill Oct. 08 - Roswell, NM - The Liberty Oct. 10 - Tucson, AZ - The Rock Oct. 11 - Phoenix, AZ - Pub Rock

BUTCHER BABIES played their first concert since the official departure of co-founding co-vocalist Carla Harvey on July 27 at the Stonehenge festival in Steenwijk, The Netherlands.

The band announced Harvey's exit in a social media post on July 20. BUTCHER BABIES wrote: "As you may have already guessed, it is confirmed that Carla Harvey and BUTCHER BABIES have officially parted ways.

"Carla has been an integral part of our journey, bringing her unique talent, passion, and energy to the band. We are grateful for the incredible memories we've made together and the impact she has had on our music and our fans. We will miss her greatly and we wish her all the best in her future endeavors.

"We deeply appreciate your support over the past 15 years," BUTCHER BABIES added. "We feel incredibly fortunate to keep making and playing music as our career, and we are excited for this new era of BUTCHER BABIES!

"See you on the road."

Carla added in a separate post: "Over the last 6 months You may have noticed my absence from BUTCHER BABIES posts. After 15 years of dedication, I wanted to let you know that I will not be rejoining the band for any future endeavors.

"I am super proud of my work with BUTCHER BABIES…2 EPS, 5 Full lengths albums and countless tours with our metal heroes! To all of our incredible BUTCHER BABIES friends and fans…you have provided me with some of the greatest experiences of my life! I have loved every second of writing and performing all over the world for you! I have loved meeting you. WOW. I still can't believe this kid from Detroit got so lucky.

"I am not done making music and performing. I WILL see you soon".

Last fall, BUTCHER BABIES completed a European tour without Carla, who sat out the trek in order to undergo emergency surgery on her left eye.

Harvey shared the news of her absence from the tour on October 26, 2023 in a social media post. The 47-year-old singer, who co-founded BUTCHER BABIES in 2010 with fellow vocalist Heidi Shepherd, posted a photo of her performing with her bandmates, and she included the following message: "Here's a picture of a girl in her happy place; unfortunately i won't be in that happy place on the upcoming @butcherbabies Euro run. Love you all but i have to sit this one out!

"I have a history of problematic vision and I had to have a major surgery about 10 years ago in my right eye for a retinal detachment. On our summer tour the telltale symptoms repeated themselves in my left eye. I've been hoping to avoid major surgery but it is clear that it must be done. My emergency surgery will include a healing process of laying face down for a number of days with a gas bubble in my eye."

Carla added: "This is the first time in fifteen years i won't be able to join my friends on stage but right now my health and sight take precedence for me. While I am gutted that I cannot make the tour the risk of me waiting till after a tour to do such a surgery is too great and includes permanent vision loss. The beauty of having two vocalists is that Heidi can cover for me until i'm better!

"Hoping to make it out for part of this euro run...go to the shows, have a blast and support my bandmates for me! I'll see you soon!"

In the comments section, Shepherd voiced her support for her then-bandmate, writing: "Sending all the love and healing. We'll hold down the fort while you heal. We need those beautiful eyes to work!!! Love you!"

BUTCHER BABIES' three-week European tour is scheduled to conclude on August 17 at the Czech Republic's Rock Of Sadská festival.

This past January, Harvey and ANTHRAX and PANTERA drummer Charlie Benante announced that they were officially engaged.

BUTCHER BABIES released a double album "Eye For An Eye..." and "…'Til The World's Blind", in July 2023. The double album celebrates the tenth anniversary of BUTCHER BABIES' critically acclaimed debut, "Goliath", released on July 9, 2013 via Century Media Records.

BUTCHER BABIES' previous album, 2017's "Lilith" was produced by Steve Evetts (THE DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN, SEPULTURA, SUICIDE SILENCE) and marked the band's recording debut with drummer Chase Brickenden, who replaced Chris Warner in 2016.

In July 2019, longtime BUTCHER BABIES bassist Jason Klein announced his departure from the band. He has since been replaced by Ricky Bonazza.

[werewolf-femboy-maid]

Day ??? of being a violent angry idiot :"(

Eh I was violent again and apparently me and my so enable each other :") at the very least I wasn't super violent and I did at least some push ups to help with the tension release

I really am grateful for myself for even trying still

I'm doing better with my parents and I'm very grateful for that. Yes I inherited my worst traits from them, but I see the human in them for that.

And as the days go by, I have been improving in reducing damage

I hate meds so much I hate the way they turn me into a puppet. I'll try meds one more time but knowing what I know, I probably just need the regenerative farming produce.

Dark leafy greens and citrus are your best friends.

There is so much to be rediscovered and discovered.

Of course I'm not saying don't take your meds esp if you're already on them. Like I don't have ocd but I know life is a lot worse without meds with ocd.

Which makes me more desperate for answers.

Where are these chemicals generated, and how?

Stim break because I'm very sad and tense and I need to love myself

Life is already so hard, please don't make it harder for yourself </3

The sadness never ends, but neither does the joy.

w a t e r

(I'm thirsty lol)

*CRONCH*

Nothing will ever be the same again, for better or worse.

Flowers and plants smell so good :) sometimes I wonder if the apple feels pain when I bite it. Is it still alive in itself after long being away from the tree?

A meal with a loved one is one of the only things that really matter. Cherish your mother.

It bleeds because it loves.

I know it hurts so so much. I know how desperately you wish the flames would stop. I know you don't want to hurt people. It hurts so much and I love you so much more for trying at all. You're so much more loved than you're comfortable with.

Making mistakes is how we learn.

Making mistakes is how we learn.

Making mistakes is how we learn.

Making mistakes is how we learn.

Making mistakes is how we learn.

So how do we heal?

I guess I have to forgive myself again for making the same mistake.

I did give myself credit for being less problematic this time. But I still feel bad.

I guess that's also a lame aspect of being human and traumatized. Idk :/ I also have a REALLY bad ego problem, and very very little impulse control.

Not a good combo, guys. :/

But yknow part of the healing process is learning to deal with the shame, the guilt, giving myself the time to undo the patterns my poor brain has grown accustomed to.

Oh my poor head.

Bttw after only two minutes of angry screaming, your body needs 7 WHOLE HOURS to recover hormonally. And your immune system suffers badly during those 7 hours too.

Stress probably causes cancer and heart disease, guys. I'm going to die early and not see my potential grand babies if I keep this shit up.

I must continue in my healing journey despite the horrors.

Oh my god what a day

It was actually a nice day

I learned a lot and relaxed and actually applied to part time job for the first time this year :) my friend helped me a lot and I can never appreciate her enough <3

God what a day tho

Hey god, if you're real, I'm really sorry for talking shit to you and about you because of all these human religions and my own selfishness and pain.

I cannot imagine what it's like. I wonder.

What horrors have you seen? What horrors are you capable of? What joy have you experienced?

To feel. To be.

The constant stream of consciousness.

Well I'm gonna play ponytown and or show off my ponies in another post. Until next time, my dears. These are hard times, so you should not be hard on yourself unless it's lovingly and healthily. Goodnight and stay safe <3

[bunnakit]

Manner of Death Novel vs Show

Oh boy, the draft I've been keeping for this is a MESS so I'm just starting over from scratch.

First off, I absolutely loved the novel. The translation to English is a little rough but it really doesn't detract from it enough to make a difference to me. The story is VERY different which made reading the novel a treat instead of rehashing the same thing I've already seen. I highly recommend it and I cannot wait to start Transplant.

So, that being said, here's some of the major differences and just some things I wanted to point out. SPOILERS FOR BOTH OBV

There's no cactus child, we've been robbed of our spiky son.

No drinking night with M or random drunk kiss with Tan.

Bunn is quite closeted through a good chunk of the book due to past trauma.

No big dinner with the influential people in town, Bunn does NOT know Janejira, and there's no sinister sex trafficking plot.

Dr. Oat (my beloved) does NOT exist (I cried about it the whole time.)

Inspector M is Captain M and has a wife (more crying from me.)

Bunn and Tan don't meet or interact until after Pued's disappearance.

Tan's mom is still alive but very ill (the beautiful log house is actually hers.)

Pued is fucking CRAZY and secretly in love with Bunn

If you can believe it, Tan is even more head over heels for Bunn (everyone loves Bunn, pretty much. He gets hit on A LOT.)

Tan and Bunn still met years ago, except Tan was a student nurse at a hospital and Bunn was a pathology resident.

We get to meet Bunn's brother Boonlert (whom he's always lived in the shadow of) and get a much deeper look into his home life

Boonlert essentially takes M's place in helping Tan and Bunn with their hiding Bunn ruse

That isn't introduced until nearly the end of the novel (and in a little post-story That x Sorrawit story)

It takes Bunn A LOT longer to forgive Tan and their getting together is much more 'problematic.'

Instead of an elaborate sex trafficking ring, Rungtiva and Pued killed Jane together when she threatened to expose their bad housing equity dealings. Rungtiva later poisoned and killed Pued.

From here on everything in the novel is untouched territory in the show (there's so much longing and pining and it was so good tho.)

No unhinged gunpoint proposal (just a normal, sane proposal.)

All in all I REALLY enjoyed the book. The characterizations of Tan and Bunn were absolutely PERFECT in the show, Max and Tul really did an incredible job and even though the story was largely different it still feels very accurate to who they are as people in the novels. (And the show has my heart for the MOat crumbs.)