#my first piece of writing since august 2023..
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satoru gojo who has the biggest sweet tooth ever but won't hesitate to offer you a bite of his kikufuku-- even though it's his favorite.
satoru gojo who, when you shake your head to him buying you an expensive gift, buys it for you anyways, because no amount of money will be more valuable than seeing you happy with a what he's bought you. especially when he knows its his name on the card that's being slid through the reader to purchase whatever it is you set your eyes on.
satoru gojo who readily pulls his blindfold/sunglasses off in your presence because only you quiet the overlapping, draining echoes in his head.
satoru gojo who peppers you with kisses for as long as you let him, because you deserve to feel just how much adoration he has for you.
satoru gojo who takes you out to gorgeous high-end restaurants, having the both of you dress up just as gorgeously. not to mention, throughout the night you'll hear endless compliments of how "that outfit really compliments your figure," or how, "that color makes your eyes look so pretty." and so on and so forth, satoru can't run out of compliments when you give him so much to talk about
satoru gojo who is the best at princess treatment. do not try opening your own door around him. he will do somersaults to get there before you can. you know those tiktoks of people rolling over the top of the car and dropping onto the ground to open the door for their significant other? yeah, that's satoru.
satoru gojo who surprises you with those giant, beautiful bouquets that have money and your favorite snacks in them because he loves to see your expression when he hands it to you
satoru gojo who loves to show you off. he'll send the gc with him, shoko, and suguru endless texts about how he loves his s/o so much and how he's so lucky to have them. and he sends especially petty messages sometimes about how suguru and shoko are still single while he's happily married (he'll say this before you're even engaged)
satoru gojo who used to not get flustered by anyone because-- well he's satoru gojo-- he's the one who gets people all flustered up. but when you came into his life? try as he might to talk smooth and be flirty, you turned him into a stuttering mess sometimes. he'd play it off when he got lucky, but whenever you caught him off guard? he'd blush to his ears, glancing away and all.
satoru gojo who always texts you if he's at the store to ask if you want him to pick up something for you while he's there.
satoru gojo who, if you're sick, will act like you're dying in his arms. he'll panic, rushing around to get you medicine, whatever snacks you're craving, etc. he showers you in kisses and cuddles like they'll be his last
alternatively, satoru gojo who, when he gets sick, demands attention 24/7. you're not there when he wakes up? he'll pout and be upset until he's had his fill of your cuddles. loves when you feed him while he's sick, it makes him feel so loved and taken care of.
satoru gojo who loves when you ask for his opinion. which outfit is nicer? well both of them look perfect on you, but that one brings out your skin tone. which show should you watch? what about the one where you'll love to watch together? it makes him feel so important when you ask what he prefers.
satoru gojo who kicks his feet and giggles when he gets a text from you. he's on a mission with suguru, shoving his phone in suguru's face giggling over whatever you said. the phone is so close to his face that whatever is on the screen isn't even legible at this proximity but it makes satoru skip like a little schoolgirl as he and suguru walk to wherever they've been assigned to.
satoru gojo who asks shoko for advice since she's a friend of yours. asking her questions like, "should I get them this or this?" or "do they like this or this better?"
satoru gojo who starts a book or tv series just because you recommended it to him. because when has his beautiful partner ever steered him wrong? this applies for any advice you've given him too
satoru gojo who makes you an example for megumi. "see this, megumi? your standards should be this high! look how perfect y/n is, you should find you a partner like that too!"
satoru gojo who shows you megumi's picture album of when he was younger because he loves to see the two most important people in his life bonding, even if it means embarrassing megumi.
on that note, satoru gojo who's apartment is filled with photos of you and megumi and all his friends and family, and his phone's wallpaper is a picture of you too
satoru gojo who watches old tapes of you and him in high school together a lot whenever you're on missions without him. the nostalgia makes him miss the times when everything was okay in high school, but it also makes him so grateful that he finally managed to make you his after pining for you for so long
satoru gojo who's possessive but in a boastful way, you posted a tiktok? he's the first like, comment, and save. spams your comment section saying, "THATS ACTUALLY MY S/O" and whatnot because he's absolutely obsessed with you
satoru gojo, the strongest sorcerer, who is absolutely no match for you because the moment you make eye contact with him, he just goes weak and can't say no to a single request of yours
©beanxiv — all rights reserved. copying, reposting, translating, and modifying in any platform or by any means is not allowed.
#i love him#beanxiv writes#my first piece of writing since august 2023..#i improved didnt i 😜 (jk)#anyways i hope u guys like this cus i think this is my first jjk post?#anywyas stan satoru#my beautiful blue eyed princess#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#gojo#gojo satoru#satoru#satoru gojo#satoru x reader#gojo x reader#satoru gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gn reader#gojo headcanons#satoru headcanons#gojo imagines
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Special thanks to our mod @penguinsledder for making this year's banner!
What is Kataang Week?
Kataang Week is when we, as a corner of the fandom, celebrate the ship Kataang on Tumblr! The prompts for Kataang Week 2024 were selected through five rounds of voting over the last few weeks and all prompts were submitted by Kataangers.
Cool, when is it?
Summer Kataang Week 2024 starts on Monday, July 29th - a little over seven weeks from today - and ends on Monday, August 5th.
Who is the founder of Tumblr's Kataang Week?
@secretsecrettunnel revived Kataang Week in the summer of 2013 a few years after Avatar: The Last Airbender ended and when the fandom was itching for more Kataang during The Legend of Korra’s run.
Who are the mods?
@airbender-dacyon AKA Mod Dan: A Kataang fanfic writer who prefers fluff, but also loves some drama and angst. Mod Dan started writing Kataang stories in 2013 and has helped organize Kataang Week since 2016.
@penguinsledder AKA Mod Atarah: A writer, gif maker, and musician–she enjoys fluffy young adult Kataang and all the ways they complement and parallel each other. She first joined Tumblr for Kataang Week 10 years ago, and started helping out with writing posts and making banners as a mod since 2016!
@itsmoonpeaches AKA Mod Belle: An avid Kataanger with a penchant for angst and mild violence who likes writing. Mod Belle has been a mod since 2021 and helps write posts and social media.
@chocomd AKA Mod Celes: Fanfic writer who adores Kataang for their fun and flirty side but also their bond forged through grief and loss. Mod Celes joined in 2023 and helps with a little bit of everything - whatever needs to be done!
How do I participate?
The most common ways to participate are by creating art or writing a fic and posting it online. Some people try and create something for every day while others only fill one or two prompts.
As always, we want to reassure you that it’s perfectly okay not to do every prompt! We just hope to have lovely pieces to share on each day.
But I can’t draw or write!
That’s totally fine - there are more ways to participate! You can sing a song, create a graphic, write a poem - just about anything really. You can also show your support by reblogging and liking other people’s contributions.
What are the prompts?
The following will be the running order for Kataang Week 2024:
Cultural Exchange/Culture Sharing/Revival of Traditions - Monday, July 29th
Protectiveness/Bodyguard - Tuesday, July 30th
Parenting/First-Time Parents - Wednesday, July 31st
Post-Battle Reunion - Thursday, August 1st
Disguise - Friday, August 2nd
Jealousy - Saturday, August 3rd
Proposal - Sunday, August 4th
Free Day - Monday, August 5th
* As a reminder, Cultural Exchange/Culture Sharing/Revival of Traditions, Protectiveness/Bodyguard, and Parenting/First-Time Parents were combined during voting as they were very similar prompts. You can interpret them as singular or separate prompts and incorporate one or both for each day.
** And as always, there is a Free Day at the end of the week. You can use this day to post anything you’d like! It can be a prompt that didn’t receive enough votes or something you’ve been wanting to work on, anything goes!
*** Kataang Week is also being hosted by @dailykataang on Twitter this year! In addition, @dailykataang will be extending Kataang Week by another week, exclusively on Twitter. Please see this post for more details on how to participate on Twitter.
How should I tag my work?
The easiest way for us to find your work so we can reblog it to this blog is by using the tag “kataang week”. Using “kataang” and “kataangtag” also help. You must tag one of the three in your first five tags otherwise it doesn’t appear in the search. It is also helpful to tag us directly with @kataang-week.
Sometimes even properly tagged posts may not appear when we search the tags, so if you do not see your content reblogged, please let us know.
Once we’ve reblogged it to this blog we add our own tags (a prompt tag and a user tag) for easy organization. This means we can find all the work for one prompt or all the work from one user in one easy click (this also means that if you have changed your username since participating last year you need to let us know so we can update your tag!).
Can I post my stuff other places online too?
Of course you can!
For those of you who will be posting your works on AO3, feel free to add your fic to our AO3 collection.
Why seven weeks? Is that enough time?
Traditionally, we like to provide our content creators seven to eight weeks to create quality content. Kataang Week is also traditionally held in the last week of July.
If you are unable to complete a prompt in time, please do not fret. You can alert this blog by mentioning it in your post (ex. @kataang-week) or messaging one of the mods and your content will still be shared even if it is a week (or a month - or sometimes more!) late.
We also like to post WIP for Kataang Week and encourage everyone else to do so as well - we reblog it here for motivation!
As always, if you have any questions, comments, or concerns, don’t hesitate to send an ask. Don’t forget to reblog this as well to help spread the word!
Good luck, Kataangers, and happy content creating! 😊
- The Mods
#kataang week#kataang#kataangtag#kataang week 2024#kataang tag#aang#katara#atla#avatar the last airbender
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After the afterparty | LH44
― Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x F!Moroccan!reader ― Warnings: mentions of food; typos. ― Summary: Fans have been watching Yn and Lewis interact since she first started attending races. Nothing seemed enough for them to pinpoint what was going on between the two until the Las Vegas Gran Prix happened, and contrary to the belief, what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. Yn and Lewis are about to find out. (Based on this request) ― A/n: None of the pictures used are mine, they are all from Pinterest and other apps, but the work is, and I do not allow it to be published on a different platform. I would appreciate it if those things could be taken into consideration 💛
✷ my masterlist | my taglist | patreon guide ✷ you can support my writing by reblogging, leaving a comment(don’t forget to follow me if you like the piece), or buying me a coffee
May, 2023
📸 instagram
🐦⬛ twitter
📸 instagram
lewishamilton
liked by yninstagram, georgerussell63, and others
lewishamilton the grind doesn't stop. Lets go
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ferrarifriends who finna be fired now? 🤣
landorizz who is he trying to get with these pics?
⤷ purplemerc I don't know, but he got to me, I am ready with open legs
⤷ purplemerc damn I meant open ARMS*, pardon my silly little keyboard hihi 😅😇
⤷ schumickey LMAO
motoswift I see Yn liked eh
sainzpodium someone said on twitter that they were seen talking at the afterparty... just saying 👁️👄👁️
June, 2023
📸 instagram
yninstagram
liked by carlossainz55, lewishamilton, and others
yninstagram I have always been sport’s girlie, but with soccer its a whole new level ❤️ happy to see my home team play! Can’t wait for the world cup!!! 🇲🇦🇲🇦
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f1eillish she's so pretty!!
vamosvettel 🇲🇦🇲🇦
franciscac.gomes we have to go to a match together!!! 💞
formulamerc I have to get a shirt like the one she's wearing, looks good
martelodohamilton I see sir Lewis liked huh...............
lewishamilton
liked by pierregasly, yninstagram, and others
lewishamilton weekend off 🌊☀️❤️💚
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jasmine21 would y’all call me crazy if I say this is in Morocco? 👀
sirenzsainz Lewis has such an aura around him, he's so aesthetic, like...it's so good to see him
mercfan where are you, Lew?
⤷ sennanschumi no because he's totally gonna answer you, bestie, just you wait
ferrarifiasco a week without f1 is harder than a week without my gf
⤷ nandosmile my friend, respectfully, I hope she breaks up w you 😭🗣️
yninstagram
liked by danielricciardo, lewishamilton, and others
yninstagram enjoying the weekend with my friends 💚
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smoothoperation friends to lovers has always been my favorite trope 🤭😇
hammert1m3 LEWIS ON THE THIRD SLIDE????
ynfan I so wanted to be friends with her
charles_leclerc bring me some souvernir!
⤷ carlossainz55 He means local food, but he's afraid the admin is going to see and tell the team's nutritionist
⤷ yninstagram it's fine, Charls, I'm bringing one big SHIRT for you and Carlos. It's a very popular SHIRT here in Morocco.
⤷ scuderiaferrari 👁️👁️
estebanbestie this comment section is very entertaining
ynfriend 🤍🤍🤍
July, 2023
🎥 youtube
August, 2023
🐦⬛ twitter
September, 2023
yninstagram
liked by lilymhe, mickschumacher, lewishamilton, and others
yninstagram monza ❤️🇮🇹🎂
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charles_leclerc you told me you weren't posting it!!!
⤷ yninstagram did I? I don't recall this 🤔
⤷ carlossainz55 she didn't say a thing, cabron...
⤷ charles_leclerc just because you look good, shut up
⤷ carlossainz55 I always look good
⤷ yninstagram some may disagree with this...
⤷ carlossainz55 traitor! 😤
scuderiastroll lol I love their friendship
scuderiaferrari ❤️🥰
alonsostroll funny how Lewis has been liking every single post of hers huh
sainzsecret she looks so good!! if I had half of her beauty I wouldn't complain about a thing!
⤷ yninstagram believe me, bestie, you would
⤷ f1direction LMAO I love you, yn!!!
lewishamilton
liked by charles_leclerc, yninstagram, and others
lewishamilton Every weekend we fight together as a team, and it’s always a tough battle. First, huge props to George. He had an amazing drive all weekend and deserved to be on the podium. Unfortunate for him not to finish, but he will bounce back. I’m so proud of all the work the team did this weekend. Thank you all for the unbelievable support, I see you🙏🏾
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georgerussell63 let's go, mate
girlbossgasly I love you, lew!!!
yninstagram It was brilliant to watch you race 💙 keep up the good work!
hamiltonalways Yn supporting her man :D
raintyres I'm happy I stayed awake for this race. Singapore is always a show
🐦⬛ twitter
October, 2023
📸 instagram
yninstagram
liked by pierregasly, carlossainz55, and others
yninstagram Mexico!! 💚❤️🤍🇲🇽
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rbrpodium she posted mick and george, and lew 🤍
⤷ cyruscars casually posting everyone in a work environment except Lewis, I wonder what it means.........
mercmick THANK YOU FOR FEEDING US SCHUMI CONTENT, QUEEN!!!
ynfan as usual, the prettiest woman in the world
georgerussell63 💙
charles_leclerc it's horrible to share you. Please, get back to our garage
⤷ mickschumacher 😂😂
November, 2023
📸 instagram
yninstagram
liked by carmenmmundt, landonorris, and others
yninstagram what happens in Vegas doesn't always stays in Vegas 🤭👄
comments on this post have been limited
lewishamilton my forever favorite afterparty company 💗😘
⤷ yninstagram I love you, handsome! ❤️
charles_leclerc ❤️❤️
mercedesamgf1 Welcome to the right garage, Yn!
⤷ scuderiaferrari 🙄🙄🙄
alex_albon the way george is included on this dump make it seem like he's the kid 😂😂😂
⤷ georgerussell63 what if I am?
⤷ yninstagram yeah what if we adopted him? 🤨
⤷ georgerussell63 did you?? 🥹
⤷ yninstagram not sure. I'll ask Roscoe if he would like a sassy new brother 🏃🏾♀️
🐦⬛ twitter
― ⋆🪩 VOICEMAIL: Hi, loves! I hope you guys liked this piece! 🤍 make sure to let me know your thoughts by reblogging and leaving me an ask!
taglist: @sachaa-ff @mickslover @mishaandthebrits @fdl305 @iloveyou3000morgan @crimeshowjunkie @saintslewis @carojasmin2204 @chaoticevilbakugo @wondergirl101ks @smiithys @shhhchriss @f1kota @lunnnix @karmabyfernando @crashingwavesofeuphoria @schumacheer @callsign-scully @v1naco @dearxcherry @elliegrey2803 @peachiicherries @he6rtshaker @therealcap @mehrmonga @the-depressed-fellow @cixrosie @darleneslane @buckybarnessweetheart @nichmeddar @fastcarsandshit @goldenalbon @balekanemohafe @jamie2305 @nzygftoji @bbreezybitch @graciewrote @scorpiobleue @soph1644 @leclercsluv @alessioayla @littlesatanicassholebitch
✷ check here my main masterlist | patreon guide my taglist if you wanna be tagged on my pieces
©thisismeracing ― Do not copy, steal, or translate my work. Do not repost on a different media platform.
#lh44#lewis hamilton#lewis hamilton smau#lewis hamilton social media au#f1 smau#f1 social media au#f1 x reader#f1 fanfiction#f1 fandom#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#lewis hamilton imagine#lewis hamilton fluff#moroccan!reader#op: smau#lewis hamilton x reader#lewis hamilton x you#lewis hamilton fanfic#lewis hamilton x moroccan!reader#lewis hamilton instagram au#f1 instragam au#x black reader#f1 x black!reader#lewis hamilton x black!reader
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August Creator of the Month: Mavidraws
Please welcome this month’s Creator of the Month: @mavidraws
Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists. The writer or artist is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTMs can be found here.
Tumblr Blog Name: Mavidraws
How do you want to be known on Tumblr? Mavi
Quick Links:
Tumblr Blog Commissions Info
1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?
2017. Most Wanted.
2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?
In 2023, after playing Blades 2. I spent years without playing Choices, but this book really inspired me to create some art, and I began interacting with the fandom after that.
3- How did you pick your blog name?
It’s a combination of my nickname, Mavi, which is short for Maria Vitória, and “draws”, since this is (mostly) an art blog.
4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!
It's a drawing of the main characters and my MC from an interactive fiction called Keeper of the Sun and Moon (@keeperofthesunandmoon), which was my first digital drawing ever. I was fascinated with this IF and wanted to share how I envisioned these characters.
5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both?
I create fan art.
6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?
I’ve been creating for Choices since late 2023, and for other fandoms (such as KOTSAM, Golden and TWC) since 2021.
7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?
Honestly, I can’t pick just one—The Elementalists, Endless Summer, and It Lives in the Wood are some of my favorites. But Blades is definitely my favorite book to create for.
8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?
I absolutely love this piece and wouldn’t change anything about it. This was the drawing that helped me establish my current art style.
9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created?
This drawing of Tyril and my MC from Blades. I think it was the most emotional piece I’ve ever created and I’m really proud of it.
10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?
I think this drawing of f!UB from TWC did exceedingly well, and it was even noticed by the author—which I never ever ever expected.
I think this drawing of Valax could use a little more love.
11 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?
I see a lot of myself in Theodora, my MC from Golden (an IF by @milaswriting). Her personality and internal struggles are very much my own, as well as her interests—like myself, she’s a law student (I’m currently an attorney) with a passion for fashion.
12 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?
Backgrounds. I’m much more comfortable drawing people.
13 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?
Currently not.
14 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first?
I already showed my work to my boyfriend and many of my friends a long while ago. But if I had to pick an art piece to show them today, it would probably be this one —I’m really proud of how these wings turned out.
15 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?
I don’t really have an artist that inspired me. Most of my art style comes from my love of makeup.
16 - Which one of your creations would you like to see a fiction written about?
This pre-battle moment from Blades 2 between Tyril and MC.
17- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art?
No.
18- What other hobbies do you have?
I really love makeup, and I consider myself to be a great makeup artist. I’m also a huge film nerd.
#cfwc creator of the month#playchoices#creator of the month#blades of light and shadow#the elementalists#endless summer#it lives in the woods#mavidraws#choices fic writers creations#pixelberry
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🎉 30,000 Reads on Like Moths to a Flame!!!
This morning, I hit 30,000 reads on Wattpad, Like Moths to a Flame's first home, so to speak. <3 When I started writing my series on Wattpad in March 2023, I had absolutely no idea where it would take me. In fact, I thought it was only going to be a one-shot. Silly me! In the past year and half, I'm learned so much about myself. It turns out I can write 3 whole books in that relatively short period of time, alongside a plethora of one-shots, a short story, and a spin-off fic. All combined, that amounts to over 300,000 words. (I'm including the currently unpublished word count for the third book, chapters of which I'm posting weekly.)
I've also gained so much, the best of which are the wonderful, creative, and kind friends I've met along the way. Even during the hard times, just thinking of you all (you know who you are!!!) can turn my day around. <3
Some other things I've gained:
1. My writing skills have improved considerably, despite the fact that I've been writing on and off since I was a pre-teen. Writing daily will do that (haha). 2. I finally have an AO3 account! I've been reading on AO3 for over a decade but I never had my own account. I finally joined last August and I'm so glad I did! The AO3 community is so wonderful and I'm thrilled to finally be contributing to it as a writer. 3. I rejoined Tumblr. In January of this year, a reader on Wattpad recommended I check out the HL community here, so I said, why the hell not? And now look where we are. :)
4. Fan art! Last summer, a wonderful reader reached out to me on Wattpad with fanart and it snowballed from there. Every piece I receive from an artist, even to this day, I tear up in the best way. I've never been able to create art in this way (believe me, I tried for years LOL), and I am in absolute awe of all you amazing artists that can do so. The fact that so many of you have been inspired by my work and have had the courage to reach out and share your beautiful creations with me is truly astounding. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 5. Last, but certainly not least, HL rekindled my passion for writing. Prior to last spring, it had been years since I'd written something for myself. The moment I set pen to paper (yes, I wrote the first chapter in a notebook first because I wasn't sure if I was going to share it with the world!), I knew that was it for me. I was done-zo. I was sucked back into the world of writing. And I'll forever be grateful to the game for doing that for me. Finally, here's to Sebastian and Damien, who have taken on a life of their own. They're my boys, my brainrot, my children (besides my actual child - Sorry K, LOL - and yes, she may only be three but she could absolutely point out Sebastian in a lineup), and they'll hold a special place in my heart for all time.
Thanks for being on this journey with me! It's been a blast. :)
And just because, here's my Sebastien relationship playlist, which I think I've only shared here on Tumblr once before. It has a lot of fun, upbeat songs on it. Enjoy!
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My New Book Is Out! | Tokens of Zeal
My new book is out!
Buy it! Buy it now!
That's right: In secret, on January 2 of this year I began writing a book of essays. Some of you may know that I have an online journal, which I created in the summer of 2003 when I was just 21 years old and have kept up with ever since. For my new book I went back to the journal and read through it, entry by entry, drawing out excerpts of interest that became conversation pieces for 81 various and sundry essays reflecting on my past life and past thoughts.
The essays are short, often very short. They are less challenging than my usual writing, I would say. My purpose was not to advance my personal frontier of philosophy and intellectual thought in 2024, or to reach a niche audience of deep thinkers, but instead to reflect sincerely on some things I've seen along the way and muse upon how my thoughts have changed and stayed the same over twenty years.
I mention this to you because I am a bit worried that anyone who reads this book might think there's not much to me as an author, and might be dissuaded from reading my works of fiction when those books eventually come out, so I'll lampshade that by adding that I wrote this book in two-and-a-half months. Make of that what you will. I told myself I wouldn't self-sabotage the book by needlessly saying negative things about it, and I am proud of it, not only the fact that I finished it at all, let alone so quickly, but of the actual contents too.
This book is "Volume 1" in a hypothetical series, as it doesn't cover the entire twenty years of the journal but only the first four months, from August to November of 2003—at which point the essays had reached "book length" (lol). So really this book is a snapshot of my life in the latter half of 2003. At that time, I was fading out of college due to financial hardship and other issues, and did not realize that I would never (as yet) return.
I have been wanting for years to go back and reread my journal, and writing a book out of it was the perfect impetus to finally do it. I think a few things stand out about the Josh of 2023:
First, my principles have remained remarkably consistent, but my awareness and understanding of the world has grown drastically, and so those same principles have led me over time to some different policy views and worldviews on some things.
Second, I was a 21-year-old arrogant block of cheese, full of hormones and self-conviction, and that definitely shows up at times in ways that I simultaneously am not proud of and yet which I admire for their sheer gall. There is something very magnetic about the old me which doesn't exist anymore.
Third, following up on that point, it was pretty inspiring and encouraging to revisit the old me, with all that native optimism and drive. I don't express those qualities anymore because life has worn me down and also because I have come to recognize that humanity's problems are a lot more stubborn and irremediable than I thought. By glimpsing into the past, I couldn't help but be cheered on by the old Josh's proud, utopian sense of human inevitability. It lifted my own spirits in the here and now!
I made the mistake of announcing the book on Patreon right after I finished writing it, i.e. back in mid-March. Then I had to wring my hands every week about how post-production was taking longer than expected. Between the irritating realities of formatting a book in software not properly equipped to format a book (never write a book in Google Docs), the complexities of my detail-oriented manner and strong vision regarding the cover design (and engaging for the first time ever with modern generative AI, and having to learn those ropes), and sustaining illnesses and other life priorities and so on, it would take me another two months in all to finally reach today, where I can now publicly declare:
The book is done! It is for sale right now. It is called:
Tokens of Zeal: Words from a Vanished Age
(Caption: Book front cover of Tokens of Zeal: Words from a Vanished Age, by Joshua Calars.)
You can buy it through Amazon in either paperback or e-book format. (I recommend the paperback version for aesthetics as it is much truer to my design vision for the book's layout and appearance, but my profit margin is actually a dollar bigger with the e-book version, so really just go with whichever version you prefer.) It is available in the US as well as in basically all the other countries that Amazon has expanded its publishing service into. If you need help finding a link to a particular version, give me a ping and I will point you there (if there is a "there" to be pointed to). This is my second published book, following Prelude to After The Hero in 2015, and the first book to be published in print.
If you do read it, first of all thank you! It's an honor that you would take the time. Second of all, I would love any feedback you care to offer. That's not a platitude either; feedback is hard to come by and I really would be interested in anything you have to say, good or bad. You can e-mail me, DM, reblog this, drop an ask, or tag me in an independent post. Whatever you like! Feedback will help me greatly when I eventually get around to writing Volume 2. And feel free to leave a review on Amazon, whether good or bad (though hopefully you enjoy the book); I am told it pleases The Algorithm. But most of all, if you enjoy the book, tell someone about it! Your word-of-mouth is currently 100 percent of my advertising budget, lol.
That's all. I wrote a book; it took four-and-a-half-months; it's done now; and it's the first time I've ever gotten to hold a book that I wrote in my hands as a physical thing, and that's pretty neat.
#Tokens of Zeal: Words from a Vanished Age#New books#Self-publishing#Shameless author self-promotion#Joshua Calars#I am trying on “Joshua Calars” as my new pen name with this book#“The Sinistral” that I used with the Prelude to ATH didn't quite sit right with me#“Calars” is a word in Relance that refers to sunset#They/he are my pronouns; “they” is what I prefer but I won't get mad at you for “he”
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July 2023
Play The Nameless | Patreon | Discord
Hi all!
This is mainly a so-help-me-we-are-gonna-get-back-on-track-and-continue-this-story update. I've been able to map out the rest of Chapter 4 more concretely and broken things down to help my lizard brain parse things out and not feel so overwhelmed by it all. Yay for self improvements! 🤞
I won't lie, it didn't help that with my (lack of) version control and writing in multiple apps, I ended up losing about...5k of the Magesmith's Ch 4 path which was a real kick in the teeth. But I'm feeling better now (and have transitioned through all the stages of grief lmao), and I'm ready to push forward.
So yeah!!! Friendly reminder!! Take this as a sign!!! Make sure you're keeping track of where you write and maintain version control with backups!!
So with that said, I've been slowly working my way back into writing after hiatus and trying to dust off those skills with revisiting the Sage POV for when you first meet them. Currently it's a 3k Patreon special, and that will post later this month on July 19!
I'll also be changing up my approach to bonus art on Patreon, with one large piece of artwork each month and opening ideas for that through the High Sheevra and Sanctin tiers, with voting including the Sheevra tier once I have a couple suggestions. This month will be the completed "Game Night" special with the Healer, Magesmith, Eila, and the Alchemist, and I'm open for any suggestions for the future! More information on that here soon. I'll also try to be less embarrassed about messy sketches so you can expect more of that on Patreon too, with some art eventually posted here on tumblr.
For bonus Patreon writing, I'll slowly be working through the first meeting POVs for each RO before polling for ideas again.
July Patreon Schedule
July 5 - Progress Update | Call for August Art ideas (HS + Sa)
July 12 - Monthly Preview Screenshot
July 19 - Bonus Writing: Sage POV, meeting the MC for the first time
July 26 - Bonus Art: Game Night | 18+ Art: Sage Sketches
ICYMI
Art: Not gone but resting featuring an RO cuddle pile.
Donation Screenshots
Lastly, accountability screenshots for my donations are below. Differing amounts are to cover individual processing fees. For the donations at the beginning of June the amounts differ from earnings since I was on hiatus and very offline for April/May, so I decided in honor of Pride Month to give $100 to each organization.
Thank you again for all your support and stay safe out there <3
xoxo Parker 🧡
Play The Nameless | Patreon | Discord
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Canadian LGBTQ+ rights; a whirlwind summary
Back in August of 2023 @wen-kexing-apologist wrote an absolutely stellar piece here, and I didn't want to co-opt it (especially because it was already written with an American gaze and I don't want to pile on/distract from the fact that we're talking about Thai BL) so I decided to make this a separate post. And then it lingered in the sad pile of my drafts. But, I'm gonna post it anyway, and take this as an excuse to talk about Canadian history of LGBTQ+ rights apropos of absolutely nothing except the most recent move of the provinces (specifically Saskatchewan) to use the notwithstanding clause to force through legislation that the courts have said goes against our charter of rights and freedoms--specifically legislation that says a teacher cannot respect a child's pronouns without permission of the parent. This is being taken to court (latest as of this writing is that in Feb 2024 the group fighting the law was granted the right to be heard by the court in spite of the notwithstanding clause being invoked, so there is still a chance of it getting revoked via the courts).
WKA talks about what the conversation was like in the US around queer rights in the 20th century; highly recommend reading the linked post first. In Canada the conversation was a little different though with very similar themes; we had the shift to a focus on "privacy" as the driver of our rights long before the HIV/AIDS epidemic, in the 1960s. So much of the push and pull of our laws around homosexuality and gender identity and expression have had to do with the public vs private.
Sodomy has been illegal in Canada since colonization (earliest known conviction: 1648) but laws against gross indecency, which included dancing, kissing, or touching between two men, didn't get codified in Canada until 1892 (and not extended to apply to women until 1953 (thanks)). While these laws essentially outlawed any physical public affection between men from the turn of the century, the fervor to root out and eliminate gayness from society didn't really reach its pitch until mid-century.
I need you all to know about the Fruit Machine, which was an ostensibly "scientific" detection device to identify and purge gay and lesbian civil servants from the military and public service in Canada. While the machine was built in the 1950s and used through the 1950s and 1960s, the practice of using psychology, polygraphs, and interrogation to force military and public servants to come out and take a voluntary discharge existed through to the 1990s.
Our former Prime Minister PE Trudeau made famous the line "there is no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation" as part of his so-called decriminalization of homosexuality 1967; this is of course a joke because "buggery" and "gross indecency" stayed on the books for another 20 years, the only difference being they were only punishable if the people involved were under 21, there were 3 or more people present, or the participants were performing these acts outside of their home. You may notice that this meant the policing of public space was where and how homophobia continued to be perpetuated by the state via police.
Highlighting the importance of privacy as a framework for gay rights at this time, The Right to Privacy movement was the name for one of the forerunners of modern Canadian LGBTQ+ rights groups through the 1970s--though worth noting that this group in particular was criticized for its exclusion of WLW and our trans siblings (some of whom of course overlap). The infamous bathhouse raids of 1981 ("Operation Soap"), leading to at the time the largest arrest in Toronto's history, were one of the precipitating factors in the recognizable start of the modern LGBTQ+ rights movement. In 1986, five years after the raids and thanks to massive effort by LGBTQ+ organizing, sexual orientation was added to the protected list of attributes that it is illegal to discriminate against under the Canadian Human Rights Act (gender identity and expression was added in 2012), and in 1987 "anal intercourse" was made legal for those over 18 (the legal age of consent was made the same for everyone--16--in 2019), and "gross indecency" as a law was finally repealed. The fight for marriage equality was the next step after achieving real decriminalization, and was strongly based on the right to freedom from discrimination as protected by the Human Rights Act.
[Just going to take this moment to note that for some reason they never struck off the law criminalizing sodomy when more than two people are present; this is still an inequality on the books now and people do (rarely) still get charged with it.]
In the late 1980s and 1990s, the censorship fight was most famously held in the written sphere--if you've seen the movie Better than Chocolate, you might already be familiar what I'm talking about. From approximately 1986 through to 2000, Canada Border Services targeted shipments to queer bookstores, holding them up, sometimes destroying the content, putting those businesses at risk, and preventing queer content that passed through border control to be stocked in physical stores. It took the Supreme Court of Canada's ruling in 2000 to shut down that practice as an illegal suppression of a bookstore (Little Sisters in Vancouver, BC, shout-out!)'s right to freedom of expression.
Raids on safe spaces for sexual activity continued to be a driver for action through to the 21st century. The WLW bathhouse the Pleasure Palace (changed from "Pussy Palace" in the late 90s to be more inclusive of our sisters without that particular body part) was raided in the year 2000; 19 years after Operation Soap, and notably the first and last raid on a queer woman's bathhouse in Canadian history. What followed was a massive public coal-raking of police, including the very telling call to action: "out of the bars! Into the streets!" I don't think this was necessarily the intended implication at the time, but looking back the threat was that if we were not given our rights, we would be in everyone's faces (and conversely if we were given our rights, we'd be quiet). The legalization of marriage between any two consenting persons of legal age came five years later in 2005 (I don't mean to imply this effort was the only reason--the fight for marriage equality was active all the way through the 90s and early 2000s; it's just an interesting parallel that two of the biggest wins for equality for queer people in Canada came 5 years after a historic police raid).
One of the factors in gaining acceptance of LGBTQ+ people in Canada was the fight for marriage equality; as it focused the conversation on sameness rather than difference. The queer activism movement here pivoting from messaging around bathhouses and being left alone to marriage equality was an intentional, strategic attempt to be accepted as the same rather than being honoured for our differences. And that fight coming after the HIV/AIDS epidemic and bathhouse raids is no accident as it framed queer people directly in opposition to the stigma of promiscuity that surrounded assumptions about gay people which fed into the lack of support for medical intervention, research, and treatment for HIV/AIDS (here in Canada too, our history is just as gross on that front, people just don't talk about it as much. But Canada followed the US government's example, and so people were left without medical resources for at least eight years in Canada (since the first cases were identified here in 1982) and THREE YEARS after they had been approved by the US--AZT wasn't available in Canada until 1990. Three years in which people died unnecessarily. We similarly approved PrEP four years after the FDA, in 2016. Today, despite "universal health care", if you want access to PrEP, it will depend on the province you're in as to whether you can get it at all for free or whether you need to pay--in my province, it takes 2 months to get free PrEP).
Today, just over 50% of the people with HIV/AIDS in Canada are men who have sex with men; it's estimated 80% of people infected with HIV know their status, of those 75% are being treated, and of those 89% are effectively unable to transmit the virus. In that context, the ongoing fight re: HIV/AIDS in Canada today is around decriminalization, specifically decriminalization of drugs (since ~20% of HIV infections are from IV drug use--one of the many reasons I support harm reduction strategies), and the decriminalization of non-disclosure (since Canada is one of the few places where you can be charged for not sharing your HIV status with a sexual partner). Until very recently, we were also fighting to be able to give blood--it was only in 2022 that men who have sex with men were allowed to donate blood in Canada, which meant every visit to a blood donation clinic involved questions about the gender of your sexual partner(s). And, as mentioned at the top, one of the rights we are fighting to retain right now, is the right to have our gender expression respected without forced outing to a parent or guardian; Once again, the fight in Canada has become centered around the right to privacy.
Slightly tangential to the topic at hand, but I would be remiss in talking about moments in recent history when the law did not prosecute us, but it failed to protect us. In the 2010s, a serial killer was targeting men who he thought he could get away with making disappear; and he was right. The police ignored calls from the community to treat the case as a serial killer for years. Bruce McArthur killed 8 men who had gone missing from Toronto's Gay Village between 2010 and 2017, several who were vulnerable because they were distant from their families (because they were gay and closeted), homeless, and/or in immigration limbo (waiting for status), so it took longer for them to be reported missing. During this time, through to just weeks before the arrest, the Toronto Police insisted in public statements that there was no serial killer.
Black and Indigenous queer people have regularly died as a result of the police being called while they were in crisis. An unnamed trans woman (who was midgendered by the SIU after her death); Regis Korchinksy-Paquet, both in 2020. In 2022, Dani Cooper, queer activist who advocated against police-run wellness checks, was shot and killed by police during a wellness check called for them.
As a positive step, in 2016, Black Lives Matter Toronto staged a protest as part of the annual Pride Parade, making a list of demands, but the one that got the most coverage was the demand to ban police at Pride. This was taken up by the Pride Toronto committee, and since 2017 police have been banned from having an official float or presence at the parade. This has been taken up by several Canadian cities including Vancouver and Hamilton and inspired action in other cities globally.
With that context, in which queer people are rightfully distrustful of police, it is alarming that police-reported hate crimes against LGBTQ+ people (one of the only ways we have of tracking hate crime consistently) had a record-breaking increase in 2023.
In 2017, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (the son of PM Trudeau quoted above) gave a public apology to LGBTQ+ Canadians. Here's just a brief excerpt:
"To the kids who are listening at home and who fear rejection because of their sexual orientation or their gender identity and expression; And to those who are nervous and scared, but also excited at what their future might hold; We are all worthy of love, and deserving of respect. And whether you discover your truth at 6 or 16 or 60, who you are is valid. To members of the LGBTQ2 communities, young and old, here in Canada and around the world: You are loved. And we support you."
The important part about this apology was twofold; one, it explicitly named many of the specific instances of oppression I mentioned above, and two, it listed the things the government was doing to make reparations. This included the repeal of the law that equalized the age of consent (which went through two years later, as mentioned above), the pardoning of people who had a criminal record due to unjust laws based on LGBTQ+ discrimination, settlement of a class action lawsuit for victims of The Purge, and a commitment to work towards better resources for mental health and housing for LGBTQ+ people, as well as a committment to continue working to remove the barriers for gay men to donate blood (which went through in 2022). One of the other important achievements was the change to allow an "X" option under gender on Canadian Passports (so the three available options are M/F/X) in 2019 [some provincial gender opt-out options have existed since 2017].
The current government is by no stretch perfect, but it has been good to see some of these moments of our history acknowledged and corrected for. As the global pressure towards fascism continues, it's critical that we remember these changes are the result of hard work, not inevitable "progress", that these fights are ongoing and require our energy, and that change, using a variety of tactics, is possible.
Quick hit facts if you prefer a list to a narrative:
In Canada, it was illegal for men to hold hands with men or women to hold hands with women in public until the 1960s;
The government tried to expunge us from public service in the 60s and 70s;
it was illegal for men to have threesomes until the 1990s;
bathhouse raids were made possible due to legislative inequalities through the 2000s;
Canada took three years longer than the US to approve treatments for HIV/AIDS, four years longer to approve PrEP, and still today access can be complicated/expensive;
it was possible to be of legal age to have sex but not anal sex until 2019;
Gay men were barred from donating blood until 2022;
Canada remains one of the few countries in the world where you can be prosecuted for not disclosing your HIV status (though does not apply if you retain a minimal viral load);
In 2023 some provincial governments tried to make kids choose between gender expression and their privacy (and potentially safety) from their parents; as of March 2024 that fight is still actively being fought.
The take-aways I hope people get from this post:
This history is more recent than we pretend, and is ongoing
Framing gay rights as right to privacy vs right to being not prosecuted for being in public is nuanced and intertwined
Transphobes need to fuck off
Some references/further reading/watching:
Brief history of LGBTQ+ laws in Canada at the Canadian Encyclopedia
The Fruit Machine documentary made by TVO
Article on HIV/AIDS in Canada policy written by one of the policymakers
Timeline of HIV/AIDS Developments (only goes to 2010 so does not include PreP, which was approved in Canada in 2016, four years after its availability in the US)
Article on The Pleasure Palace raid by one of the organizers
Article on the Bathhouse Raids 40 years after Operation Soap
Article on Bruce McArthur's crimes and the review of how police handled the case by former judge Gloria Epstein
Regis Korchinksy-Paquet and the unnamed trans woman dead after interactions with police
Dani Cooper's death
Article about the Supreme Court case brought by Little Sisters bookshop
HIV Non-Disclosure Law Fact Sheet
Article about the end of the blood ban for men who have sex with men
Black Lives Matter Toronto on their 2016 action at Toronto Pride
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau's apology
Gender "X" Options on Passports
Stream Better Than Chocolate (you may need to look up where it's available in your region)
Little Sisters Book & Art Emporium
Glad Day Bookshop (Makes a claim for being the oldest queer bookshop in the world; one of the few queer public spaces being maintained/actively protected as more and more of our spaces are eroded, and also just a personal fave so I'm taking the excuse to shout it out too)
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2023 Writing Round Up
Thank you for the tags @ladytessa74 @thisbuildinghasfeelings @alrightbuckaroo @birdclowns @chicgeekgirl89 @reasonandfaithinharmony @carlos-in-glasses @redshirt2 and to anyone else who I may have missed (lmk!)!!! ��
Rules: Share what you wrote this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you wrote or just the ones you're most excited about. Or art you made, or gifs you made etc..
I’ve written 10 fics (plus one more coming this week for Secret Santa)! I didn’t start writing until June. I’d never even attempted creative writing until I decided to dip a toe into Tarlos fanfiction, so thank you to everyone who has embraced and supported me on this journey!
June
Make Me Laugh 'till I Die, I Stand Beside You With Pride
T | 2k | Canon Compliant
4x06 coda. TK feels insecure about his unusually close relationship with Owen, Carlos reflects on how much he admires their relationship and how he maybe envies it a bit. Also TK dances to Madonna in inappropriate public spaces.
Sunshine On My Body, Rainbows Bloomin' In My Skies
T | 8k | Canon Compliant
Hiking fic!! Post Episode 4x12. After Carlos’s bold claim about hiking the Great Wall, TK reveals he’d been an avid hiker before moving to Austin. TK & Carlos go for their first hike together, and maybe learn some new things about each other along the way.
July
Call Me If You Get Lost
T | 11k | Canon Divergent
My screwball romantic comedy. TK is worried when he finds out Nancy is going to a romantic resort in Hill Country alone on what would have been her anniversary with her ex. He convinces Carlos to come to the resort with him, and they might accidentally find Nancy and Mateo in an awkward position.
getting past the wounds of love
G | 4.6k | Canon Compliant
My magnum opus? Set halfway through Season One, Paul, Marjan & TK explore Austin and Paul & Marj razz TK a little about his budding friendship with a certain Officer Hotstuff. Carlos attends his first 126 hang, Paul hosts a listening party for a rare record he’s acquired and Marjan encourages TK to open his heart a bit and talk to Carlos.
August
That's The Way We Get By
G | 5k | Canon Compliant Future Fic
A companion piece to getting past the wounds of love. TK & Marjan babysit a four-year-old Charlie, and TK reflects on everything his friendship with Marjan means to him. Also features the infamous Tarlos Costco date.
I'm Not A Fortress, But I Will Try To Protect You
G | 2k | Canon Compliant
2x04 Coda. TK and Marjan support each other after TK’s fight with Carlos over the farmers market debacle and Marjan breaks off her engagement with Salim. Over pie at their favorite diner, Marjan offers TK some perspective on being a kid of conservative religious parents and TK offers Marjan some support too.
TK Strand’s Sweet 16 (times 2) (minus 2)
G | 7k | Canon Complaint
It’s TK’s 30th birthday and the Reyes family throws him a blow out party, the first big family gathering since the loss of Gabriel six months prior. Carlos reflects on all the ways TK has supported him and his family through this rough period, and provided a soft loving home for him to sink into. TK surprises Carlos with a flash mob, everyone is trying to avoid Asha’s poisonous cupcakes and Mateo has an existential crisis triggered by an ill-advised visit to a curandera.
October
All Your Colors Make Me Feel Alive
T | 7k | Canon Compliant
Beck fic 💛 5 times TK plays a Beck song and Carlos doesn’t get it + 1 time Carlos plays a Beck song for TK. Or: moments, big & small, through TK & Carlos’s relationship and the ways TK brings color to Carlos’s life.
Why Do You Think I Ran
T | 900 | Canon Complaint
4x16 Coda. A few hours after the phone call from Owen, TK and Carlos have a vulnerable talk in the sanctuary of their bed.
December
The Greatest Gift I’ve Found, The Sweetest Thing I’ve Known
E | 7k | Canon Compliant
It’s Nochebuena and the Reyes family hosts its first large holiday party since the loss of Gabriel. It’s Tarlos’s first Christmas Eve as husbands. Join them as they navigate new traditions to honor their lost parents, share some soft moments and celebrate the season with their friends and family.
+1 Coming this week! Secret Santa fic!!
I have no idea who’s already gone, so forgive me if you’ve already done this! Tagging: @whatsintheboxmh @heartstringsduet @bonheur-cafe @fitzherbertssmolder @tarlosmalec @taralaurel @carlos-tk @freneticfloetry @apothecarose @rmd-writes @basilsunrise @thebumblecee @welcometololaland @lutavero @guardian-angle22 @goodways @golden-tarlos @reyesstrand @strandnreyes @your-catfish-friend @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @liminalmemories21 @lightningboltreader @never-blooms @theghostofashton @paperstorm @ambiguouspenny @decafdino @detective-giggles @noxsoulmate @fckingyrs @hoko-onchi-writes @itsrandomnobody7 @iboatedhere @kiloskywalker @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @louis-ii-reyes-strand @mikibwrites @orchidscript @iinryer and OPEN TAG 🏷️
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Variations on Corruption
Unreleased and unused content from Corruption Loves Company. Includes the original first ending, two deleted scenes (including a look into the Corruption But it's Chill gang post-fic), and various notes from development.
An Overly Sentimental and Personal Note:
On October 1st, 2022 I picked up The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords manga at an indie bookstore where I used to work. I knew very little about the story, but I had previously enjoyed Akira Himekawa's Twilight Princess manga. On October 4th, 2022, I actually read the manga. I got to the forest scene with Vio and Shadow, did a quick sanity check on Tumblr ("uhhhh is it just me or are they...?") and almost immediately fell in love with the pairing. The rest, to use a very contrived phrase, was history.
In the past two years I have written a lot about this story and these characters. I am very fond of my entire body of work, but my two corruption AUs have a special place in my heart. So on the two-year anniversary of discovering the manga, I thought it would be nice to share some insight and unreleased content related to them both, and explain a bit more about what they and this fandom mean to me.
In the latter half of 2023 and for the first few months of 2024, Corruption Loves Company—a fic that had been originally intended as an edgy grimdark experiment with a poignant resolution—became a very large part of my life. I had written the entire thing (yes, the entire thing) in August/September of 2023, but had hesitated to publish the final three chapters. My desire to find a different resolution snowballed, and what had started with simple intentions became a meditation on serious things I was figuring out how to cope with in my actual life. The story ended up transformed in the final two chapters, finally completed in March of 2024. And while I do think that everything was surprisingly (and accidentally) well-foreshadowed and I'm very proud of the final product, there remains a fully written and edited original ending that never saw the light of day. Most notably, this original ending did not include Hylia. Take from that what you will.
While active in this fandom, I had the privilege of finding numerous creative collaborators and making a few good friends. I also became deeply invested in the characters and story we all enjoyed. I poured my passion and love into this pairing, and my writing about them, for the better part of two years. I dedicated so much time to Four Swords fanworks because of this community, my own creative fulfillment, and the ideas that Vio and Shadow as a pairing represented to me.
Corruption Loves Company, perhaps more than any other fic, really emphasizes what exactly those ideas are. I think that is a major reason why I put so much effort and care into meticulously constructing it. Even though it became somewhat convoluted with triforce hijinks and heavy-handed religious allegory, I still know what it was always meant to say: There is no higher power than people caring about other people. That message is present in all of my Four Swords fic, really. And it matters.
Attentive readers might have noticed that I've taken a long break from writing in this fandom. The truth is, I'm not sure if I ever will again. I ended up taking a massive step away from Four Swords in the spring of 2024, for personal reasons related to the fandom experience. I haven't been able to bring myself back since.
All that is to say, this very well might be my last Four Swords update for a while, if not forever. I genuinely hope that someday I will be able to write Vio and Shadow without feeling sad, because even just reading this old writing made me feel so happy.
The original conclusion of Corruption Loves Company is a preservation of a relationship with this piece of media that I'm not sure I'll ever have again. It isn't as "deep" or meticulously written as the final version, but in a way, I think it actually portrays the themes of the story very well in the absence of everything I ended up adding. I don't know if that will make sense to anyone else, but it does to me.
I've also included some random funny/interesting development notes and snippets, because holy shit I worked so hard on this fucking fic, you have no idea, oh my god. And two deleted scenes, the latter of which shows us a day in the life of characters from It's Dangerous To Go Alone, the significantly more chill predecessor to Corruption Loves Company. Tingle is unfortunately not present.
Discovering the Four Swords manga on October 4th 2022 helped me heal my relationship with writing and creation, after years of struggling to get out a single earnest word. I am deeply proud of my silly, heartfelt fanfiction and I appreciate every friendly presence I've encountered throughout my time in the fandom.
Thank you for your company.
It mattered.
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Hamilton: Ferrari F1 move wouldn’t have happened without Vasseur
Lewis Hamilton has confirmed that his move to the Ferrari Formula 1 team in 2025 wouldn’t have happened without the presence of team principal Fred Vasseur.
Hamilton drove for the Frenchman’s ASM F3 team in 2005, winning the European title. The following year he graduated to GP2 with Vasseur’s rebranded ART GP outfit, again winning the championship, before moving into F1 with McLaren. Inevitably, when Vasseur joined Ferrari at the start of 2023 there was speculation that he might attempt to leverage his good relationship with Hamilton in order to lure him away from Mercedes. That’s what eventually transpired, with the pieces falling into place early this year and Hamilton opting out of the second year of his contract. "I've got a great relationship with Fred," said Hamilton when asked by Autosport if Vasseur was the only person who could have convinced him to join Ferrari. "Obviously I raced with him in F2 and we had amazing success in F3, and also in GP2. That's really where the foundation of our relationship started. We always remained in touch. I thought that was going to be an amazing team manager at some stage and progress to F1, but at the time, he wasn't interested in that. It was really cool to see him step into the Alfa team. Then, when he got the job at Ferrari, I was just so happy for him. I think just the stars aligned. I think it really wouldn't have happened without him, so I'm really grateful and really excited about the work that he's doing there."
Hamilton stressed that when he first re-signed for Mercedes in August, he was still fully committed to staying with the team for two further years; however, he changed his mind over the winter. "Obviously in the summer I signed, and obviously at that time I saw my future with Mercedes," he said. "But an opportunity came up at the end of the year and I decided to take it. I feel like it was obviously the hardest decision I think I've ever had to make. I've been with Mercedes, I think it's like 26 years they've supported me, and we've had an absolutely incredible journey together. We've created history within the sport, and it's something I take a lot of pride in, and I'm very proud of what we've achieved. But I think, ultimately, I'm writing my story. And I felt like it was time to start a new chapter." Shortly after the news was announced, Hamilton said on social media that it was a "childhood dream" to one day drive for Ferrari. Expanding on the appeal of the team, he said: "For every driver growing up, watching the history, watching Michael Schumacher in his prime, I think probably all of us sit in our garage and see the screen pop up and you see the driver in the red car and you wonder what it would be like to be surrounded by the red. You go to the Italian GP and you see a sea of red Ferrari fans, and you can only stand in awe of that. It's a team that's not had like huge success, really, since mostly from Michael's days, but since 2007. I saw it as a huge challenge. Without a doubt, even as a kid, I used to play in [computer game] GP2 as Michael in that car, as my foot in that car. It definitely is a dream, and I'm really, really excited about it." Hamilton also confirmed he has never been to Ferrari’s Maranello base. "I have not," he said. "I bought my first Ferrari in 2010 I think, as a present to myself. I don't have it anymore. But I didn't get to go during that time. Being with Mercedes, I didn't think it was a good look to go at the time." Asked if he was planning to learn Italian, he said: "In all these years, I've not managed to learn any other languages, but of course I will definitely try. I do remember when I was karting in Italy, and I was able to pick up a few lines, and so hopefully that will come back to me pretty quickly." Hamilton was also keen to point out that he remains committed to Mercedes for 2024. "Just to go back to the new chapter, this chapter is still not finished," he said. "I'm still 100% focused on delivering for this team this year and trying to finish on a high. That's a big, big goal for me and the team, and I have absolute faith in everyone in the team. What we've done so far I think is great, so I really hope that we are somehow able to close the gap to the Red Bull."
#lewis hamilton#f1#formula 1#fic ref#fic ref 2024#not a race#2024 not a race#pre-season#pre-season 2024#testing#testing 2024#bahrain
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so many signs
so i had this thing in the back of my mind that i wanted to share a little bit about, because i think it’s highlights a little bit of karlie’s easter egging prowess
so as many of you know, i have had a certain piece of jewelry identification that’s been top of mind for awhile. a mysterious (and hilarious) evil eye necklace that karlie first wore on her birthday last year, august 3rd, 2022:
it took a long while to identify but with the help of @kwyw and @corneliastvendor and input from many more, we diligently settled upon a match with the brand Mejuri.
so
…i dunno if you remember, but back at the beginning of the year @kwyw also pointed out that there was an extra connection, between this evil eye necklace and the amulette de cartier:
both talismans of Courage.
the amulette de cartier has its own place in kaylor lore (if it’s new to you you can read about that here and here and here). but, veterans of quarantine kaylor remember how this rep era necklace made a unique surprise appearance during lover/folklore era, ultimately coinciding with karlie’s 2020 pregnancy. which, given the symbolism of the necklace, i think made a lot of thematic sense… being pregnant during the height of a pandemic is scary and, speaking from experience, i as well found myself in search of things to give me that extra peace of mind.
so seeing the necklace have that Courage keyword connection, i couldn’t help but uhhh, have a feeling so peculiar. now, with the gift of more (celebratory) information, let’s take a look at all the times karlie has worn this necklace (*reminder that some of these may be a day off because of the big time zone difference between me and the US):
August 3rd, 2022 — (as pictured above) karlie’s birthday, she writes “cheers to new beginnings xx”
September 2nd, 2022 — this therabody promo, which many of us got a kick out of after midnights was announced, first because she mentions 3am (the name of the extra version of the album) and the word midnight and second because this tiktok is set to the tune of ABBA’s “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! A Man After Midnight”
November 19th, 2022 — a post captioned friyay, notably, wearing a loewe shirt, the designer who she wore to the met gala
December 11th, 2022 — to a celebratory kode with klossy event for her young scholars
December 13th, 2022 — she wore it as part of several instagram stories she had up on taylor’s bday (thank you @kwyw for the reminder 😆)
December 18th, 2022 — she posted this the same day she posted the photos of her josh and levi at the ice skating rink (mikey and misha were there too) before heading to japan.
February 3rd, 2023 — february.jpg
and then, at the met gala on May 1st, wearing loewe, she announces her pregnancy, and tells everybody that she is nearly 8 months along!
now, if we are to assume that she is 8 months along this may, we can count back ( 7mo along in april, 6mo march, 5mo feb, 4mo jan, 3mo dec, 2mo nov, 1mo along in oct, 0mo sept) and see how in order to have conceived in september, prep for that would likely have started in… yes, the month before. august! aka… when she first debuted the evil eye necklace!
and when you look back at all the phrases and contexts accompanying her posts with the piece, you can kind of see how the necklace works in concert with her setting her intentions, potentially celebrating milestones like finding out, telling people, hitting the 5 mo mark which is when the majority of pregnancies become more stable, etc… this is all to say, and this is just a simple thing but, i feel confident in saying that this necklace was in fact one way of her hinting at her next child, since all the way back in august 2022 ☺️ and since it’s an eye necklace? well, 😌 all the more nice of a feeling.
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The last day of 2023.
And holy shit has it been a chaotic ride, one which you all shared with me, or that's what it feels like!
The Major Moments:
Feb: Cato's cancer diagnosis and discovery of weird mutated cells that likely won't be explained until after he passes away. He's still with me, fortunately! No idea how much time he has left but I'm grateful for every second
April: a small leak in my dining room ceiling turned into a bigger leak which turned into a massive hole in the ceiling, at least it wasn't winter???
May: DD Born Again Photos give us all a goddamn heart attack
May: I FUCKING REACH MY OVERALL 1,000,000 WORD COUNT ON AO3. 🎊 🎉 🎊 Next stop is 1mill for TRT!
June: Went to my first con since Covid! Drove all the way down to Philly to see Charlie Cox, WHICH WAS FUCKING AMAZING, HE HELD THE RED THREAD FOR OUR PHOTO, MY FANFIC DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE, AND I TOLD HIM WHAT DD MEANS TO ME AND HE WAS SO NICE I COULD CRY
June: At that same con, I finally FINALLY got to meet my bff @wonderlandmind4 in person after many many many late nights of chatting, and we just CLICKED like we'd been friends for years, which I should have expected, but still! And then I got to meet a bunch of my readers, too! Best con experience EVER
July: enter Whoops Covid Finally Got Me After 3 Years But Charlie Was Worth It ™
July: Finally dusted off my draft of Pasta's First Dark Fic cause even if my brain was too fuzzy to write, I figured I could edit a bit. And I did! And was pretty happy with the results!
August: Shit Now There's A Long Covid Heart Issue And I Can't Be Seen Until Late November Thanks Covid ®
August: leak in the garage leads to me losing about 65% of all the beautiful, special woods pieces I'd gathered over the course of six years for carving. Within a week I am gifted a huge bin of wood from a kind soul at my local witchy shop
Sept: TRT's 6th anniversary!
Nov: I was slowly getting back into the swing of things, doing a bit of writing in between learning to manage whatever was going on with my heart (which we'll hopefully figure out in January when I get all the results of testing in Jan)
Early Dec, and the worst week of my life: mom got sick. Within one day she went from not feeling good to needing an ambulance. By the next day, she was in the ICU - flu induced double pneumonia that was interfering with her breathing and heart issues. And with one more day, she was put into an induced coma and ventilated, without any of us sure if she'd pull through. They told us she'd likely be under for two weeks, potentially longer even if she made it. The amount of messages and supportive comments I got from all of you, the talks I had with @wonderlandmind4 and @shouldbestudying41, just the general sense of having a community to help me means more than I can ever say as you all helped me through that terrible, horrible moment, even if it was just gently messaging me to remind me to try to eat.
Mid Dec: against ALL odds, Mom was off the ventilator in a week. By week 2, she was out of the ICU. By week 3? Off to the physical rehab center. She was there a grand total of 1 week before she was allowed to come home to finish her recovery. Early December was the worst moment of my life, and yet it was also bookended by the best Christmas of my life even if it was spent at the rehab center, because I got to have my mama back, and hug her and tell her I loved her and make jokes, and now she's home and we've been watching Christmas movies and eating grilled cheeses, and as far as I'm concerned, that's what the holiday is to me: not presents and snow and lights, but this moment, this time with her. 'In all the places you find love, it feels like Christmas.'
In just a few hours for me, it'll be 2024. I have no idea what to expect going forward, or even what to plan for, much less a resolution. I know I want to get back to TRT when mom's a bit better (she still needs a lot of help, understandably). I know there are wood carvings I want make; friends I want to visit; witchy events at my local shop I want to go to. But other than that... who knows? If I'm lucky, things will be calmer than this past year. But even if they aren't, at least I know I have dear friends, all of you, and my family, including Pasta Mama, to help me through it.
Goodbye, 2023. Hello, 2024.
#new years#tw: sick parent#tw: sick pet#i have had a doozy of a year#and i truly don't think i'd have gotten through it without all of you#i feel like my life was just one great big tilt a whirl this year#incredible highs and incredible lows#we'll just have to see what 2024 brings#thank you to all of you this year#for your chats and messages#your comments and reaching out#it hasn't exactly been a smooth ride this year and i'm so grateful to all of you that helped push that metaphorical car up the hill with me#we'll see what comes this next year
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2023 writing self evaluation
I was tagged by the lovely @neondiamond, thank you!! I was also almost tagged by @lululawrence who texted me but I was already asleep lol.
1. List of works published this year:
In order of posting, these are the 17 fics I published:
April: saw some things on the other side [61K, Larry, written for @onedirectionbigbang]
May: (now I realize that the world outside) it's bigger than me [3,5K, written for @faithinthefutureficfest]
let's get naked and explore (our inner secrets) [8K, Zouis, written for @wankersday]
June: the missing piece that makes me fit [17K, Zouiam, written for @zouisfics]
we will get another day (to begin again) [1,8K, Ziam]
July: rain makes the flowers grow [1,1K, Larry, ficlet friday]
a life that's lived without you [1,1K, Ziam, ficlet friday]
August: and there's no one to blame [1,8K, Larry, ficlet friday]
You don't have to say "I love you", to say I love you [1,5K, ficlet friday]
I'm falling again [2,2K, Larry, ficlet friday]
like a moth into a flame [5,4K, Zouis, written for @wordplayfics]
September: I'll Run (Run to You) [1,1K, Larry, written for @wordplayfics]
like a bridge over troubled water (I will lay me down) [6,4K, written for @wordplayfics]
(don't you ever) hope for something else [5,4K, Ziam, written for @wordplayfics)
you try to stop it tumbling (but on and on it goes) [2,7K, Lirry, written for @wordplayfics]
October: when love gets involved [666, Larry, written for @1dtrickortreatfest]
find a way (to send me a sign) [666, Larry, written for @1dtrickortreatfest]
December: Santa Baby (one little thing I really need) [3K, Larry, written for @parmahamlarrie for the @1dcreatorclubhouse holiday exchange]
In total, including works that I haven't published yet, I've written 129.843 words in 2023.
2. Work you are most proud of (and why):
I always really struggle with my Big Bang, and this year was no different. There was a lot of math involved, and a lot of schedules to make sure that the time travel all worked and the dates were accurate. I am really proud of how it turned out though, and the art (by the wonderful @monpetithl) is absolutely stunning.
3. Work you are least proud of (and why):
I suppose by default I'm 'least proud' of some fics, since I'm more proud of others, but in general, I'm very proud of everything I published this year.
4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:
This is from (now I realize that the world outside) it's bigger than me
His throat feels dry and his face looks flushed, and there’s a moment where he contemplates dunking his head under the tap, but he doesn’t want to keep the fans waiting, even if he knows that his band is excellent at keeping the crowd entertained.
Or at least, they usually are. But right now, heading through the hallway back to the stage, all he can hear is silence.
Louis feels his heartbeat kick up a notch, and even though he knows that it’s ridiculous and highly implausible, there’s a brief moment where he wonders if everyone has just up and left. Maybe they’ve had enough. Maybe they only came here to see if he was willing to confirm the rumours, and now that he hasn’t, they’re leaving.
His palms are sweating, making him wipe them on his jeans, and it’s only when the band starts playing the intro to Bigger Than Me that they had come up with for the tour that Louis has the courage to step back onto the stage.
He has just opened his mouth for the first line – when somebody told me I would change – when it sinks in what he’s looking at.
Where the crowd is usually colourful, little rainbow flags showing up throughout the songs, or being held up en masse during a fan project for Only the Brave, it’s almost muted now, blacks and whites and greys.
And purple.
It is a sea of flags. A sea of ace flags.
Louis is vaguely aware that the band has started the intro for the third time. He can hear the cheers, the chants, can see the banners that are being held up by people on the balcony. We love you Louis, they read. We need you and you’ve got us.
His blood is rushing through his ears and he’s pretty sure he’s about two seconds from crying, and there is no way in hell that he’s going to be able to sing this song right now. It’s not even because it’s one of the harder songs in his set and he can feel his throat closing up. But he feels like he needs to acknowledge this. Because while he might not acknowledge it in the press, might play coy, these are his fans. These are the people that get him. The people that understand and support and love him, and they’re right. He’s got them. No matter what else, he’s got these people in his corner.
5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:
So my favourite review wasn't actually written. It was a friend of mine, at the concert in Paris, locking eyes with me during Bigger Than Me, and the two of us sharing a moment because we knew.
6. A time when writing was really, really hard:
Honestly, a lot of the year. I've written on something every month, but I've had months where I barely made 5K, if that. I've also had periods where my health was just utterly shit, and periods where I was too busy (like in November, which I mostly spent hanging out with the amazing @chaotic-bells)
7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:
Well, it is written but not published, but something happened in my Big Bang for 2024 where I was like "really?? this is what you're going with??" and I guess you'll have to find that moment in my fic when it posts.
8. How did you grow as a writer this year:
I'm honestly not sure I did, though I feel like I wrote a lot more short fics this year, so I suppose in that regard I grew by being able to write shorter things.
9. How do you hope to grow next year:
I mostly just hope to continue being able to write, continue loving writing, because for a while this year I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue being a writer in this fandom. But I got lovingly told that there was no way I wasn't doing the Big Bang next year, and then I got matched up with an amazing artist (hiii @whatagreatproblemtohave!) so that definitely helped in getting my mojo back.
10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):
I had wonderful guidance in the form of @londonfoginacup who told me a) you are not dropping out of the big bang and b) how about you rewrite the fic in Zayn's perspective, which has helped A LOT. I've also had an absolutely wonderful friend in @beardyboyzx who has read through a lot of my fics, has offered advice, a sounding board, and anything I could ask for. My beta, as always, is the wonderful @foullovehideout who is just the best person I could ask for. I had such a wonderful time seeing them again this year too.
And then there's the people that I've written with! Most notably, @jacaranda-bloom who is my standard writing buddy, though we've not been able to write together as often as last year, she's still helped me stay committed to my writing and I wouldn't have been able to publish as many fics if it weren't for our sprints.
Lastly, there's the beautiful people from the @1dcreatorclubhouse who have been just wonderful and a great source of joy and comfort.
11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:
Honestly it always does. Mostly this year in the aro/ace characters, because they are me and I am them.
12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:
I don't think it's new, really, but a) write what you want to write and b) don't forget that writing is a muscle, it needs to be trained just like anything else. You can't expect the same ease that you felt while writing daily when you end up not having been able to write for a while. Give yourself grace, and above all, believe in yourself and the stories you want to tell. They'll be loved by so many people!
13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:
Definitely my Big Bang for 2024. It's a struggle and really outside of my wheelhouse, but I'm excited to see where it ends up going. I am also super intrigued by the possible 1daroacefest that @red-pandaaa was running a poll for (you can vote here) so depending on when it runs I definitely want to participate. And I'm thinking I might dabble in some F1 fic next year!
14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)
I am going to tag the wonderful @beardyboyzx because I need to read their answers. And I am tagging @voulezloux and @reminiscingintherain too!
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2023 Writing Cross Stitch Round Up
Thank you for tagging me @ladytessa74 and @alrightbuckaroo
I'm pretty proud of my cross stitch journey this year! 20 finished pieces since April!
April
911 Lone Star- my first Lone Star cross stitch project, created with an image of the Lone Star logo and a free pattern generator I found online. It had been a couple years since I had done any cross stitching. Working on this one was a bit of a painful week because it involved the reestablishment of my stitching calluses on my fingers.
I'm a fireman, our codes are like...fire!- The first in a series where I took a quote from the show and went on Etsy to find a pattern for some kind of image that I thought worked well with the quote. At this point, I didn't have the confidence (or the software) to come up with my own more complex patterns.
Sure, ma'am, but just so you know, I am a homosexual-Still one of my favorites. However, it was early in my cross stitching journey, so when I look at it, a few major mistakes jump out at me. This is such an excellent quote that I think I want to do an improved version at some point.
Is the lizard back?-I did this one in honor of Lou II after I found a perfect bearded dragon pattern available on Etsy.
Firefighters, you really are a smug bunch-I really like this one. I found a firetruck pattern on Etsy and modified it a bit, including changing the number on it to 126.
May
I was peckish and I wanted pudding- This is a simple one, but I created the pattern myself. From the second I heard this line, I knew it had to be a cross stitch.
It absolutely wrecks people- Cow eyes. I like this one except for the fact that I took a horrible picture of it. I think I finished it at night and was so excited to post that I couldn't wait for daylight to get a brighter picture. It's always a struggle to get a picture that's bright enough but also doesn't have the shadow of my phone across it. Luckily, since then I've discovered the perfect place in my house to take cross stitch pictures, even at night!
Did you know that honeybees pollinate a third of our food supply?- I was originally going to have four little honeybees on this one, but the finale had just aired and I was dying to get going on my planned Tarlos vows project, so it ended up just getting one bee.
June
Working on stitching the vows.
July
Tarlos wedding vows- It took 7 weeks and a comically large hoop, but I got it done. I mapped out this pattern before I had pattern making software meaning I did it by hand with pencil and paper. Plotting out the words, making sure everything was centered, making sure it would all fit, etc was quite an ordeal!
Tarlos proposal- This was the first pattern I created with my new pattern making software and it's still one of my favorites. It's love ❤️
126 Firehouse- I was incredibly proud of myself for this one. It was the most elaborate pattern I had created on my own up until that point.
August
Typical TK- I really like this one but I didn't include the full quote for simplicity's sake (leaving out the "of course") and I kind of regret that now.
We make a pretty good team-This one did not turn out the way I saw it in my head, so there were moments that I kind of hated it. Ultimately, I'm ok with it.
September
Working on my elaborate tarloft dining area project.
October
You Have All of Me, Carlos-This is without a doubt my favorite thing I've ever made. It took about 6 weeks and is the most elaborate pattern I've created to date.
November
This is real- A quote from @ladytessa74's incredible fic for her birthday.
Tyler Kennedy Strand-My best attempt at capturing the essence of TK.
Lone Star Christmas Tree Ornaments-4 stitched ornaments for my Lone Star-themed Christmas tree.
Well, he's a wise ass- A piece in honor of my favorite wise ass.
Season 1 Tarlos- The first in my cute little Tarlos series. I love tiny TK and Carlos very much.
December
Season 2 Tarlos-Cute little Tarlos part 2.
I will have at least one more (and maybe two) still this month. Season 3 Tarlos will definitely be finished before the month is over, and depending on how much stitching time I have, I may even get Season 4 done.
No pressure tagging @bonheur-cafe @heartstringsduet @birdclowns @paperstorm @carlos-in-glasses @lemonlyman-dotcom @strandnreyes @fitzherbertssmolder @reasonandfaithinharmony (gif round up?)
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2021 - 2022 - 2023 - 2024
Can you believe there's barely 10 days left to the year?? Because I can't! Time to lay my feelings bare again!!!
So I definitely slowed down quite a bit compared to 2022, but I still made enough to fill the template and, in spite of everything else, lots of life development things happened these last 365 days that I think makes 2023 one of my best years in recent memory :)
I have less to say about the art this time. The drop in quantity checks out when I stop to reflect on just how much time I spent on each one. I definitely don't have as many sketchy works to show off this time either (probably in no small part due to the fact that I've also slowed down on Detco) - and that's probably owed to having spent most of my art effort this year drawing for other people, be it commissions or fan projects, and I already know that I'm more inclined to take risks when I have just myself to please. It's not a bad thing, that's just how it is.
I suppose my one observation of this year's body of work is that the vast majority of it is quite ambitious. Real pushing-my-comfort-zone stuff, but it's more of a polished brand of risk rather than the kind you get sketching ideas on the spot. Some examples:
February - both a collab and a thing that became a fan cel intended as an autograph piece at a con
April - simultaneously a gift and a very personal piece
June - silly comic (anything humorous is automatically out of my comfort zone)
August - community project + comic page redraw that really tested my ability to find a new style to play with
September - made to become tangible merch (it did)
October - redraw of my very first digital piece
November* - character design from text description only and formal reference sheet commission (my first ever)
December* - digital watercolor + fake children's paperback cover
*active WIP, not yet complete
It's not that much (really, it's average output for me) but I will take my wins where I can get them, especially since this is pretty much the scope of my art projects this year. Didn't really have much time or energy to write, or make more models, or scan more cards, because... ya girl was too busy getting a promotion/raise, moving out, enjoying the best con experience of her life (so far), volunteering, meeting lots of new people, dating again, having general fun, eating good food, trying new things, finishing a monthly art challenge for once, playing creative romhacks, waking up to new career opportunities, etc. etc. etc! It feels like so much happened this year!!
I tend to be harsh on myself and often feel like my life is not going anywhere, but this year really made me feel like I'm finally gaining some momentum again. And like... I don't expect (or want) to live life in the fast lane or anything, but stagnating isn't good, either, and with every passing year I have to ask myself with a little more sincerity what my future looks like.
So all that said, thanks very much for sticking around and suffering me another year <333 Who knows what 2024 will bring!! But for the first time in a while, I think I am looking to it with more than just a resigned "meh" and I hope the same for anyone reading this, too.
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