#my first instinct is to be a hater but i think this book has potential actually :) i dont think shannons the type to do a money grab

[camelspit]

after a day of contemplation im no longer as much of a hater <3 unraveled you seem.. fascinating

[nineteensixtieschikadee]

Arya Stark & Femininity

This might turn into a mini rant, so bear with me here. A lot of times whenever I watch old GOT clips, (bc I hate myself) and read stuff about Arya on fansites, I realize that there’s been a lot of misconception about her and her character. Particularly about her being a woman. And a lot of times i see this sort of “justification” from her fans that the reason why she’s such a fan-favorite character in the show (and to some extent, the books?) is because Arya is esentially this “bad-ass ninja asassin tomboy who’s out for revenge against those who’ve killed her family.” And some of her fans and especially her anti’s will call her out expressing that “Arya’s only a child who doesn’t like girly things like dresses and boys and doing her hair. She “identifies” herself as a tomboy because she likes “boyish things” like sword play, and playing in the mud, and gore, wrestling, etc. I was scrolling through the Jonrya tag here on Tumblr, this is a comment I found regarding Arya:

The moment I read that I straight up just wanted to rant! Lol! Also, I’m sorry for the formatting, I’m writing this on mobile. :( Anyways, these people who make those claims about Arya, esentially only see her as this small girl who likes fighting and getting dirty. They completely disregard everything else that makes Arya, Arya. Pretty much just limiting her to her sex, understanding that because Arya likes boyish things, she’s NOT ALLOWED to inherit things, like the North, fall in love and get married, have a high position in the hierarchy and in politics. It’s because that these people see her as someone who hates needlework or everything that isn’t Sansa, everyone believes that she hates everything that makes her FEMALE. Everybody here knows that Arya’s my favorite female character in the books, so I just wanna talk about how the general public views her, and how their views tend to go against Arya’s entire character.

People have this view that she is the “exact opposite” of Sansa. And while that’s true in terms of their different characteristics, it doesn’t mean that Arya is against everything that makes Sansa, feminine. Now lemme elaborate here. Sansa is everything that represents “femininity.” Especially in terms of the inspired time period that ASOIAF takes place in. She’s very girly & lady-like, is mannerful, “soft-spoken.” She daydreams about boys and being a princess. She’s graceful and elegant. She knows her place in terms of society, and as a woman. AND YEAH, Arya is the exact opposite of that. Yes, she has this boyish nature. She’s wild and free spirited. Loud also adventerous. But that’s the thing: Arya has a lot of femininity in her. It’s just not the femininity that we’re used to. What society percieves as “normally feminine.”

Arya is not Sansa. And it’s because she doesn’t act like a “lady” that the audience sees her as this girl who “doesn’t want” or most importantly, should not want/get the same treatment as the typical noblewoman in Westeros should recieve. This idea was engraved into people’s heads because of the show, and that’s how we’re supposed to see her. As this cold hearted ninja assasin warrior who happens to be a girl, but doesn’t act like a typical girl. The audience pretty much places her in the “I’m not like other girls” trope. Which is honestly, so wrong to me. Because yeah okay, Arya isn’t like the typical lady. But god, she is far deeper than that, and is a much more complex character.

Here’s the thing, Arya does not reject being a female, and most importantly, she does not reject the typical ideals of what makes a lady feminine. Of course not. In fact, she actively encourages that women be included in all things, especially in things only made for men. She believes that women should not be held back or ignored because of their sex and femininity.

“The Lannister’s are proud,” Jon observed. “You’d think the royal sigil would be sufficient, but no. He makes his mother’s House equal in honor to the king’s.”

“The woman is important too!” Arya protested.

This excerpt is from Arya’s very first chapter in AGOT. It is also my favorite Jonrya moment, lol. And asides from the scene foreshadowing potential plot points for not only Jon & Arya, the scene introduces to us and examines Arya’s perception of society and more specifically, the women in society. In this scene Arya joins Jon in observing Prince Joffrey, talking about the Lannister/Baratheon coat of arms. Jon makes a point that while the Baratheon sigil should be enough to prove that Joffrey is of royalty, the Lannisters (Cersei) are a proud house, married into the royal family. So therefore Joffrey is of house Baratheon AND Lannister. That is why the Lannister sigil stands besides the Baratheons. Because they, specifically Cersei, should be seen as equal to the king.

And while Jon makes this seem like it’s wrong or not needed, Arya disagrees with him. She tells him that the women should not be forgotten, as they should be seen as equal to the men. That the women are just as important as the men, and that it would be of good conduct to not forget that. And with that being said, she never acknowledges that Joffrey’s mother is too lady-like or too feminine to be seen as an equal to the king. Nope. Although she does question later as to why if women cannot fight, why should they have a coat of arms. Though that is hardly the point of her argument.

Another point that makes people believe that Arya is not feminine or does not support femininity, is when she flat out says to Ned that she hates the idea of being a lady.

“Your mother and I have charged her with the impossible task of making you a lady.”

“I don’t want to be a lady,” Arya flared.

Alot of people misinterpret this as Arya not wanting to be a noblewoman, because she only likes to play with swords, and get dirty. Because acting like a lady is stupid and not her. This is simply not true. Arya has no problem with women, or being a lady. She is a lady. A highborn one. What she does have a problem with is that being a lady often means being trapped in the conformities of what society percieves to be the acceptable standard for women in this time period.

All of the acceptable standards is what Sansa is. And she is not like Sansa. She does not believe herself to be a lady like her sister or her mother. When she first reveals her true identity to Gendry in ACOK, he immediately apologizes to her for his behavior and calls her m’lady. :3 Arya unfortunately sees this as a form of mockery and an attack because while Gendry acknowledges that she is a lady, Arya doesn’t act like a typical lady or even look like one. That insecurity of not being a lady like her mother and sister makes her believe that Gendry is using her sex against her. Like a form of irony. But I mean, we all know that’s far from the truth, lol!

And Jon recognizes this too! It’s the reason why they are so close and tightly knit together. Because Jon understands Arya, and sees her insecurity like how she sees his. They are one and the same. Jon sees and understands Arya’s frustrations of sexism viewed in Westeros. He acknowledges that Arya is to become a lady. But he also sees that Arya is not the conventional type of lady wanting to stick to the norms. She is a different type of lady, and to him, that is okay. He may tease her for it once in a while, pointing out all the unfair limitations that women have to go through. But he accepts her for being this unconventional noblewoman, and often encourages her to pursue being different.

“Girls get the arms but not the swords. Bastards get the swords but not the arms. I did not make the rules, little sister.”

Later when Jon and Arya say their goodbyes, Jon gifts Arya with the swords. Needle. This is his way of saying, fuck all them haters, be who you wanna be. Solidifying the idea that he supports her and accepts her for who she is. Kinda like how Tyrion told him to use his identity as armour, Arya should do the same to herself. It’s okay to be different than the rest. Fuck the rules.

It’s not that Arya hates the idea of being a lady. It’s a far cry from that. It’s the sexism that goes along with being the typical lady that infruiates her. Arya loves running around, riding horses, playing with swords, being loud and adventurous. She has a firery temper to her. And just because she likes doing all of that, and is all of that, it doesn’t mean, shouldn’t mean that she isn’t a lady. That she can’t be a lady. All of those things shouldn’t limit her to being viewed as a girl, a highborn lady. She is a woman, and she identifies as one.

“Listen to him, boy.”

“It was the third time he had called her “boy.” “I’m a girl,” Arya objected.

That is why, even though she sees herself as a woman, she often tells herself and other people that she is not a lady. Despite others telling her that she is one. Her insecurity and her frustrations do not allow her to see herself as a lady because she isn’t a “conventional woman.”

But the thing is, even though Arya doesn’t enjoy most of the typical lady-like things, she still has a ton of femininity to her. And people often ignore her more feminine traits in favor of her more “badassery” side, which unfortunately are most often occupied by men. People forget and downright ignore that Arya is really intelligent. She particularly excels in math. It’s one of the few things that she’s better at than Sansa. She loves flowers—like her aunt Lyanna. The very person who she’s said to look and act like the most. And a really important one is that she has motherly instincts. It’s what helps her protect other kids throughout her journey. Her ability to empathize enables her to be more social with outcasts and befriend others without judgement. She is well-mannered and kind to strangers. (An example of this would be when she apologizes to a common woman who lent her a dress to wear, and she accidentally destroys it because she and Gendry were playing by the acorn tree.) She can also cook and clean just like any other woman—or any other person. All of those are feminine traits, and are traits that make her more human. And the show opted to get rid of all that and gave us some cold-hearted, angry, ninja.

The audience perceives that because Arya is this ninja warrior who rejects the common standards of being a lady, it means that she can’t have these other more female traits. Nope. She’s not allowed to have or want more rights and power because that’s not her. She’s a warrior and nothing more. She can’t find love because she has to be this bad-ass independent woman who don’t need no man. That’s not her, that’s her sister. We can’t have Arya be any more female than she already is because she rejects the idea of being female. Leave all that crap to her sister! Sansa’s the princess—and we can’t have Arya being a princess or queen. Arya’s only allowed to carry a sword.

And it’s the audience’s perception of her that goes against everything that Arya is, and everything that she believes in. Because remember, Arya hates the idea that being a lady means being trapped in the societal norms. And it can be said vice versa too. Arya still respects those who want to be more of the conventional type. Arya may not have the more typical feminine traits that make her a lady, but to hell with it! It doesn’t mean that she’s not allowed to have the other things that the more conventional woman would/should have. That goes against all of her views and beliefs. The audience puts Arya at an unfair standard because she doesn’t act like a conventional woman.

It’s the same thing as the audience saying that Jon Snow doesn’t want a title or power, because he’s devoted his life to the Nights Watch and is unselfish. False. Very false. Just like Arya. Arya’s young. She still has time to grow, and no doubt she doesn’t think of all those things now because of other priorities. But she’s slowly getting there. And there is so much foreshadowing of her finding love, becoming a woman gaining power, etc, etc. She’s not there yet, but that’s a part of her growth. Just because she defies the typical female standards, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want or wont want all those things later.

Like com’on. Everyone knows that Arya is the only legitimate candidate right now to inherit the North. Everyone knows. The Northmen know, the Nights Watch knows, the people in Kings Landing knows. Hell, even the damn wildings know this. And it’s because of this knowledge that formed the majority of the northern plotline in ADWD. People are going to war for her. She is the true key to the North, and that’s why the Boltons lied and said that they have her. It’s why Jon went to war and died for her. I don’t think Arya will truly believe it if/when she finds out that people are fighting for her because she holds the power to the North. Unless Jon’s gonna be the one to tell her himself. The fact that she is being set up to inherit all this power, and yet people deny it and believe that she doesn’t want it because it’s “not her” in regards that she’s not feminine enough, is seriously infuriating.

I mean look at the type of women Arya respects and idolizes. Where do you think she got the name Nymeria from? Nymeria’s name originates from the Princess of Dorne herself, Princess Nymeria of Ny Sar. Princess Nymeria was said be very beautiful, strong-willed, cunning, and full of wisdom. She was a “warrior-queen.” From that alone, her femininity clearly did not matter. She was a woman whose goals were not held back because of her femininity and sex.

Arya does not hate femininity or things that makes women more feminine. She doesn’t truly hate wearing dresses or being a lady. It’s being conformed to the general standards that she hates. It’s her sex being used against her that makes her angry. It’s not being able to be herself that she despises. And thanks to Sansa and her mother’s judgement of her, Arya’s insecurity only heightened. Despite looking exactly like Lyanna, Arya herself believes that she’s not beautiful enough to even be considered a lady. Only Jon and Ned allowed Arya to be Arya. Only they called her beautiful, and only they encouraged her to be who she wanted to be. Arya loves her fellow women. And yeah, she also loves Sansa despite her being such a pain in the ass bitch, lol.

Arya’s character encourages women to just be women. She encourages us the audience to just be ourselves despite all the conformities forced upon us. Her character explores the limitations of sex, gender, and especially the loss of identity. Arya not wanting to be a lady doesn’t actually mean she doesn’t want to be a lady. She doesn’t want to be held back by the standards of being a lady. Her question, her argument is that why should women be limited only to being this or that. Women are far more than meets the typical standard, and if society can’t accept it, then fuck that! Women can be knights and still be a lady. They can be fierce and passionate and emotional and still be a lady. Women can be warriors and still be a lady. Just because there are some women out there who don’t fit the ideal standards of what it means to be lady, it shouldn’t make them feel like less than one.

[moneypedia]

By Drew Shepherd

“You’re so judgmental!!!”

That’s the response I get when I delve a little too deep into my analytical side.

I’m somewhat of a perfectionist myself, so it’s no surprise that I hold others to my own lofty standards. And that’s one of many flaws I’m still working on.

There are certain times, however, when I’m unapologetic in my ways. And as you can see by the title of this article, this is one of those times.

The ability to screen out promiscuous women is one of the most valuable skills any man can have. It keeps you from wasting precious resources on a girl who couldn’t care less about you, and it protects you from being yet another clueless man in the dark.

A girl who sleeps around is never a good choice for your investment. And no matter what our culture tries to prove, the truth is that past sexual experience will always affect future relationships for the worse.

That’s why I created this list of 15 red flags to look for when you evaluate a potential partner.

This list is by no means exhaustive, and I’m sure there are plenty more signs you should be aware of too. But this one is intended to be a relatively quick check, and I’ve tried to limit it to signs you can notice within a few weeks at the most, or that you can easily find out with a scan of her social media.

Now I’m sure both you and I will catch some flak here for being “judgmental”, but remember, it’s not wrong to look out for your own interests. And in order to protect those interests, you need to discern the character of the people closest to you.

Being judgmental is assuming people’s character based on qualities outside their control. Discernment is deducing their character based on info they freely provide.

Only a fool would need a DNA test on an apple tree to confirm what it is…

Smart people just look at the fruit.

The 15 Red Flags Every Man Should Know

#1 She can’t stay at home. / She’s a party girl.

What it means: She needs excitement.

If she can’t enjoy a quiet night at home, walk away.

These kind of girls seem fun and interesting at first, but their lifestyle gets old fast. Plus there’s no telling how many intoxicated guys have taken their shot at her.

So find a girl who would rather read a book, watch a TV show, work out at home, cook a new meal, or talk to her friends on the phone.

“But that doesn’t sound like fun…”

No, most guys would say it doesn’t. But you know what’s more important than fun in relationships?

Stability.

A girl who runs out of her place every night has a need for excitement. And that need will find a way to bite you.

Sure, everything will be great when you’re both in a good mood, but what happens when she gets bored, or worse, when she’s unhappy?

If she needed excitement before she met you she will need it afterwards. And those thrills won’t be limited to a few drinks with the girls.

Most people are plenty fun when you get to know them anyway. So instead of worrying about that, ask yourself some more important questions:

Will she be there during a rough patch in your life?

Will she say “no” when a bigger fish comes along?

Does she avoid situations where she’ll be unnecessarily tempted?

Those are the questions you want answered (indirectly of course—actions speak louder than words).

Work on all those first. Then you can talk about fun.

#2 She has too many male friends.

What it means: She’s addicted to male attention.

Notice I said friends here and not acquaintances.

There’s nothing wrong with a woman having a conversation with a man. And if you do have a problem with that, you’re too possessive. A woman making small talk with her male coworker isn’t cause for concern.

But if she has close relationships to other guys, and she consistently talks to them about personal issues, that’s when you should be worried.

The true number of platonic male-female relationships is very small, and most of them only exist due to special circumstances.

But for the most part, men and women do not just become friends.

The truth is that the two sexes are equal, but different. And it’s tough for us to form close bonds outside of a romantic or sexual relationship.

Any girl who has tons of guy friends is bad news because almost all of them are attracted to her. And since she hasn’t made an effort to turn them down, it means she’s addicted to their attention.

If you don’t meet the requirements of such a popular girl, she’ll eagerly pick a replacement from her pool of waiting “friends”.

#3 She has tattoos or piercings on interior body parts.

What it means: She’s impulsive.

I’ve never been a fan of tattoos, so I wouldn’t look for a significant other who has any. But this red flag is more about the positioning of the ones she has.

If a girl has tattoos or piercings on any interior body parts (i.e. her upper thighs, torso, etc.), it is not a good sign. And here are only a few reasons why:

Someone had to put it there

People don’t get tattoos to cover them up

She makes long-term decisions based on short-term results

It’s just a terrible choice all around. Why would you taint the natural beauty you have with a man-made distraction?

It doesn’t make sense to me.

But in a way, I guess you should be happy when you see a girl like this. She’s made your job easy by effectively saying, “Don’t take me serious.”

#4 She’s a (moderate to heavy) drinker. / She does recreational drugs.

What it means: She allows unnecessary temptation.

Contrary to popular belief, human beings are not inherently good. And when given the choice, we will always be inclined to do what’s morally wrong.

Many times our conscious thought overrides this inclination, but whenever alcohol or drugs are involved, that inhibition goes out the window.

The point here is related to the first red flag about party girls—she allows herself to be tempted. And why would you ever trust a girl who intentionally lowers her self-control?

You are playing with fire and you know it.

Yes, crimes like theft will always be wrong, but we all have a responsibility to lock our doors.

#5 She’s a man hater. / She tests you to see if you’re man enough.

What it means: She lacks healthy relationships with the men in her life.

“All men are blah blah blah…”

“Guys only care about blah blah blah…”

“Men don’t deserve blah blah blah blah blah…”

Yeah, it’s annoying.

Man haters are the worst. I understand that some of us really are terrible, but if every guy she meets is like that, take a look at the common denominator.

Yes, I’m tough on the opposite sex sometimes, but even I know that there are fantastic women out there.

You can’t let the good ones convince you that all girls are sweet and innocent, and you can’t let the bad ones blind you to the praiseworthy women either.

The same is true about our side.

So if a girl always complains about the men in her life, she’s either still bitter about a failed relationship, or she presents herself as an object for men to lust after.

#6 She can’t put her phone down. / She’s addicted to social media.

What it means: She craves attention and drama.

The online version of too many male friends.

A smart girl knows that male attention doesn’t result from her “amazing personality”.

The number of friends and likes she gets is directly proportional to how attractive people think she is.

This stuff is honestly common sense by now but you still see the same thing all the time. A fairly attractive girl only has to post a few pictures, and boom, she’s got 50 dudes trying to hit her up.

She probably won’t give any of them the time of day—unless one of them is like, so hot—but at least she got her daily attention fix. Plus she’s found a new group of reliable “friends” to support her.

It’s ridiculous. And don’t even get me started on the drama.

If she’s more interested in her phone than she is in you, don’t try to change her mind.

#7 She’s comfortable in revealing clothes. / She’s insensitive to male touch.

What it means: She’s used to it.

Do you really think she dresses that way for you?

Do you honestly believe it’s normal for guys to hug and hold her like it’s no big deal?

She’s used to it, man. And even if she isn’t promiscuous now, it won’t take much effort for her to get that way.

But going back to her style of dress, you might believe her choice of clothes doesn’t matter anymore. You think that times have changed, and this girl is different. So different in fact that she’s above all of human nature.

Yeah, keep believing that.

The reality is that men are visual creatures. And both men and women instinctively know that the way a women dresses determines the type of attention she gets.

Our society doesn’t like to acknowledge that fact nowadays, so we try to ignore it as best as we can.

Instead, we say she has high self esteem, that she deserves to show off her body. And if you don’t like it, you’re living in the past.

But please don’t buy the “I’m-proud-of-my-body-so-I-need-to-be-half-naked” excuse.

People who are comfortable with a fit body, or great wealth, or whatever else they have don’t feel the need to show it off. They rest assured in the knowledge that it’s there.

The only people who show off are the ones who need validation. And they always need it from multiple people.

So if any girl shows too much skin, or if she’s fine with being hugged or touched any kind of way, you need to reconsider.

#8 She believes that things just happen. / She follows her heart. / She’s in love with “love” and relationships.

What it means: She lacks emotional control.

These girls are tricky for inexperienced guys, so let me explain.

It feels great at first to be the focus of a girl’s undying love. And the highs of having a beautiful woman enraptured by you is something straight outta the movies.

But guess what?

You will never be the only one.

You just happen to be her drug of the month. And all it takes is a more attractive or manipulative man to change her loyalties.

That is the dark reality of girls who “follow their heart.”

So instead of chasing a girl who’s crazy….about you, find a girl who tempers her heart with her head.

Don’t be afraid of love. Just make sure it’s the real thing first.

#9 She uses profanity.

What it means: She doesn’t value purity.

I don’t like profanity.

Sure, I went through a phase where it was cool to sprinkle in some “sentence enhancers”, but even then it still felt wrong.

Pure speech is something I value now, and it really does bother me to hear people—male or female—casually drop f-bombs. I don’t give them a stare or anything, but I know that profanity usually indicates that something is off in your life.

That’s one reason why I never use profanity on this site. Out of all the posts on HFE, I haven’t used a single curse word, and I plan to keep it that way.

But getting back to the meaning of this red flag, it just shows a lack of class.

If a girl doesn’t have the decency to control something as simple as her conversation, think about how ugly the rest of her lifestyle is.

#10 She’s friends with known promiscuous women. / She takes an interest in promiscuous celebrities.

What it means: She won’t be shamed for sleeping around, and she will probably be encouraged to do so.

Men compartmentalize their friends.

Of course not every guy is the same, but usually he’ll have his videogame pals, his college study group, his boys from work, his basketball squad, his fantasy football crew, and so on.

And what’s funny about all these friend buckets is that they usually include men from all walks of life.

You’ll have a mix of low income guys, wealthy guys, smart guys, dumb guys, you get the point. But as long as they all have that one thing in common, they don’t really care about much else.

Women are different.

Almost every girl I know has friends who are very similar to her. Everything from the way they dress, to the grades they get, to the income they earn, to the guys they like, and even their political stance—it’s almost always the same.

While men care more about the one activity they have in common, women focus more on similar lifestyles.

And now you see where I’m going.

You may not be able to tell if she sleeps around, but if you know her friends do, it’s a giant red flag.

Even if this girl is completely innocent, she knows her friends won’t look down on her if she does indulge, and that’s why she’s surrounded herself with them.

It’s even worse if she takes an interest in promiscuous celebrities. They’re just like her friends who get around but with additional influence and social status.

If [blank] can do [blank] and still be [blank], why can’t she?

#11 She uses New Age lingo. / She’s into horoscopes.

What it means: She won’t take responsibility for her actions.

If you meet a girl who always goes on about people’s “energy”, the workings of karma, or the meaning behind her horoscope, you need to run and run quickly.

I have numerous reasons why I wouldn’t get with a girl like this, but one of the more practical ones is that she won’t take responsibility for anything.

The stars are what drive her behavior, and she will be justified in spiting you because her negative-energy-sense was tingling.

It’s bad enough dealing with people who can’t control their impulses, but if she truly believes that “the universe” is causing her actions, avoid her at all costs.

#12 She has no discernible skills outside of her physical appearance.

What it means: She’s going down the wrong career path.

Everyone needs money. And if that need is not met, people will resort to all kinds of evil to meet it.

If this particular girl doesn’t have any marketable skills outside of being “hot”, she is going down the wrong road.

Eventually she will…

A. Find some way to make money off her appearance

B. Get bailed out by another man, or…

C. Be left in a financial hole when her beauty fades

Now you could argue that A wouldn’t be too bad of a scenario depending on the work involved (e.g. innocent modeling), but none of these are favorable to her developing a solid set of skills when she had the chance.

Not only has she put herself in a position where her beauty can be abused, but she’s also shown that she’s fine with being a drain on people’s resources.

That’s not good.

Everyone needs a strong work ethic, no matter who they are. And if she doesn’t have one, she’ll be pressured into compromising situations.

#13 She rushes the relationship. / She’s a little too perfect. / She tries too hard to seem like a good match.

What it means: She’s overcompensating.

Another tricky one here.

The average guy won’t deal with many girls like this, but the name of this site isn’t Hunger for Average, so you need to look out for this one.

As you start to care more about your appearance and get your life in order, you’ll notice that girls will seemingly come out of nowhere. And the ones you were invisible to before will make it obvious that they’re interested.

Sounds great right?

But the problem is that some of these girls won’t have the best intentions.

Almost every semi-attractive girl has been treated like a princess her whole life (and that’s one reason why a man who’s trained himself to be immune to beauty is so attractive to them).

But the side effect of this treatment is that many women expect partiality from every guy they meet. So now when they see you—a man who’s in good shape and has his life together—they don’t see a person, but rather, a tool who has the means to carry “her highness” through life.

This is particularly an issue with a girl in her late 20’s or early 30’s. Her internal clock is ticking and she knows she has to find a man before her beauty fades.

But you can’t let her clock dictate your life.

People get burned all the time by making hasty choices. And it’s a known manipulation tactic to rush people into big decisions.

Yes, there will be girls who genuinely like you, and they’ll be eager to start something special together. But you need to be aware of the other scenario too.

Beauty doesn’t get ignored. And if an attractive girl hasn’t locked down a man by this time in her life, it’s very possible that she used her beauty for other means when she was younger, and now she’s scrambling to find a man who doesn’t know any better.

Of course this isn’t always the case. Breakups happen and some people just have an unfortunate streak with relationships. But barring any significant change to her appearance, and without any other special cause, the former is a real possibility.

Remember that your interests are important too. And you are not obligated to take any dude’s leftovers simply because she needs a man now.

“But she’s changed! She’s not like that anymore! And she’s committed to doing better!”

That’s great. And I applaud her. But that doesn’t mean you owe her a relationship.

I’m all for acceptance and forgiveness, but I also know that forgiveness isn’t the removal of all consequences.

#14 She accuses you of being promiscuous, or worse, tries to prove you are.

What it means: She’s telling you how she would act if she was in your position (a.k.a. projection).

A girl who makes accusations like this doesn’t understand how any decent looking person could say no to their suitors. Especially since she could never hope to do the same.

You’re just a stupid boy who couldn’t possibly deny easy pleasure, and it’s her job to prove that assumption right.

It’s all so silly.

I’ve dealt with girls who tried to find faults that weren’t there and I had a real good laugh afterwards.

But while it is funny that a former acne-faced, overweight, emo guy would have to convince anyone he’s not about that life, I am very serious about guarding my integrity.

So if any girl accuses me of something like this, I know we need to part ways.

#15 Your gut tells you so.

What it means: You’re not comfortable with her.

Attraction is weird.

The first time anyone sees a person they like, comfort is nowhere to be found. There’s excitement, there’s anxiety, and there’s interest—not comfort.

But that all changes as time goes by.

The more you get to know someone, the more comfortable you feel around them.

The guy you thought was an antisocial creep just happens to be the life of the party. The girl you thought was such a snob before is actually kind and warm-hearted. And this new familiarity generally leads to more comfort.

But if time passes and you still don’t feel comfortable around this girl, it’s a bad sign. Your body is subconsciously telling you that something about her is off. And you know deep down that you can’t trust her.

“But didn’t you just make fun of girls and their ‘negative-energy-sense’? So how is it okay for guys to do the same thing?”

Because what I’m talking about here isn’t just a feeling. What I’m describing are physiological changes that happen solely because of this person.

Yes, it sounds far-fetched, but if you are fine around every person except her, something is wrong. And I’m not talking about a few butterflies in the stomach here.

If you start breaking a sweat when she shows up, if your sleep schedule suddenly changes, and if you’re always on your toes around her, your body is in alert mode. And instead of being able to work, or perfect your craft, or do anything else, you will constantly be thinking about her.

But again, don’t confuse this with some middle school crush obsession. This is about a girl who won’t give you any assurance that she is committed to you.

You will have to do everything to keep the relationship afloat, and that always leads to disaster. The minute you fall short in her eyes your worst fear will come true.

Of course you still want to be as attractive as possible to make her decision easy, but if the success of the relationship depends solely on you, find someone else.

Good leaders set an example for others and create a vision for the future…

They don’t do all the work.

Successful relationships will always take effort, but if you can’t relax at all with her, it’s a bad sign.

Weed ‘Em Out

So if you read this whole post, you’ve probably noticed a theme here.

All of these are signs that stem from a lack of one character trait:

Self-control.

This list is all about discerning if a girl has that one critical trait.

If she doesn’t have it, don’t try to change her, don’t make excuses for her, and please don’t waste time thinking about her. Just walk away.

And if you have a hard time doing that, ask yourself if you would help a man who acted the same way.

Sure, this may all seem cold-blooded, but when the stakes are this high, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. There is simply too much at risk when you choose a long term partner. And if you can’t trust someone you’ll eventually think about marrying, you need to end it as soon as possible.

No amount of beauty is worth the headache and embarrassment. If a woman’s actions show that she doesn’t respect you, move on and find a girl who does.

Just remember that nothing here is foolproof either. Some girls are crafty and they won’t show many of the signs listed here—but that’s okay.

The point isn’t to catch every girl who’s like this. The point is to save time by weeding out the easy ones. And once you do that, you’ll be closer to finding a girl who’s worth the investment.

So be smart, stay strong, and have a little fun too. It’s easy to get too serious about things like this, but keep a good attitude and you’ll be fine.

If you know what all to avoid, just imagine how much you can cherish a keeper.

-Drew

[dorkbunny]

LGBTQ+ Musing #4

Okay, so all of a sudden I’ve seen a bunch of debate surfacing about whether people have the right to reclaim and use the word “queer” (note: I apologize if my use of the words triggers anyone; I will not directly state it again in this). A lot of people have been addressing this, but I’m gonna toss in my two cents as well, because I feel like I have a couple of good points to add to this topic.

As horrible as it is, a lot of words have been used to insult the members of the LGBTQ+ community, whether they’re officially “slurs” or not. Some of them are incredibly simple, plain words that originally meant one thing, but have been twisted by homophobes into something worse. Please consider the fact that terms like “gay” and “homosexual”, despite not being considered “slurs”, have also been used as insulting terms before (not to mention the more obvious, more hurtful slurs out there). A lot of what makes them slurs, offensive, or derogatory is context—the inflection of the person saying the word, the meaning behind their words, and their intentions (be they innocent, unknowing, harmful, or insulting). And unfortunately, in the case of slurs, that negative context often sticks to a word and is associated readily with it, leading to those words even becoming slurs in the first place.

That negative context? That hatred aimed like sharp knives at us? The barely-contained rage in those spewed words? That is the real big issue* behind all of this. We need to stop simple words from being twisted with these hateful ulterior motives and meanings. We need to combat the hatred aimed behind the pathetic name-calling in order to stop the name-calling and the trauma not just temporarily, but once and for all. That is the big issue at the heart of this, not whether someone is trying to reclaim a previous “slur” for themselves or not. We need to eradicate the hatred that spurs uncaring comments and name-calling. We need to impress it upon society that it is not okay to call any people—not just LGBTQ+—it is not okay to call any people names with malicious intent. We need to remind others that if they have nothing nice to say about someone, then they need to say nothing at all. Senseless hatred helps nobody improve.

Some people have experienced trauma due to some of these specific slurs, yes. We need to address that and help them, but we also need to prevent that from happening again. Some think that the way to do that is by reclaiming those slurs and turning them into something positive—something that is okay to be and to own. Others think that the way to do that is by erasing those slurs from our vocabulary completely. They are both trying to do the same thing—prevent future trauma and hurt from those words and the underlying hate.** Two different means to the same end. Can both parties just understand this and respect each other for trying to actively solve a problem, instead of yelling and arguing amongst ourselves like children?

If someone has trauma or triggers associated with a word, and they ask you to avoid using it around them or in reference to them, then you are being extremely rude to them if you disregard their perfectly respectful, perfectly amenable request. But at the same time, those who the slurs and hurtful language were aimed at do have a right to reclaim and use those terms for themselves, if they are comfortable with it, and you cannot deny them of that, either.

To parallel this reclamation of the “q” word, I reference the usage of the “n” word. For too long a period of time it was used to hurt, and connotated as a slur against the black community. But, some members of said community have chosen to reclaim it as a source of pride and solidarity; and once again, I emphasize that things like that are okay decisions, BUT that they are decisions that can only be made by the members of the community that the slur was actually aimed against. AND again, some members of that community still choose to see it as a slur and choose not to reclaim that. And, just as in the case with the “q” word, that is also perfectly fine. Both sides are valid.

Okay. My side tangent of similar real world examples is done. More big picture thing in regards to this and other infighting currently going on in the LGBTQ+ community. By fighting each other within the community over things like this, instead of respectfully agreeing to disagree and promising to respect everyone’s wishes, all we are doing is playing right into the hands of homophobes and those who are against the LGBTQ+ community. This is what they want. They want our community to implode and fall apart. Because then they win. Then they can laugh at us and say that they were right all along. Then they don’t have to fight to destroy us or break us apart, because we are destroying ourselves. We are breaking ourselves apart. We are being our own worst enemy.

We need to find a way to respectfully discuss things. I’m not calling out any one side—all sides are guilty of not doing this at times. STOP of blowing things up and making overly-emotive, explosive accusations without thinking or reasoning with each other. START thinking of ways to compromise and accommodate each other. I love this community, and I don’t want it to fall apart over or become sectional because of something like this fight.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. Or whatever this is.

* Side Note: I am not trying to say that anyone is invalid for having trauma associated with these terms, nor I trying to marginalize what they are going through. There is nothing wrong with that. It happens. I am merely trying to say that yes, we need to recognize the struggles of those people, but we also do need to see the big picture and recognize that there is a big issue behind all of this that people aren’t seeing and that needs to be addressed just as much.

** Another Side Note: If you are getting involved in this fight or using/“reclaiming” words like the “q” word simply to provoke outrage, then I am NOT speaking to you and will NOT engage with you. If you are trying to put words in the mouths of others and are trying to fight this for self-righteous reasons or to make a joke about people with actual, legitimate triggers and traumas, then I am NOT speaking to you and will NOT engage with you, either. There are trolls, spammers, and people who shouldn’t really be involved on both sides. They know who they are. I am not speaking to them. I am speaking to those who are earnest in their worry over this issue, those who are earnest in their want to resolve this, those who are guided by honest intent and not by a misguided sense of justice. If you have actual ties or trauma in regards to the community, the terms, etc, then I applaud you and thank you for putting up with all of the BS trolls and jokesters are causing and daring to voice your opinions despite potential backlash from senseless, misguided haters.

*

In case anyone cares enough to read further? Here, have my personal thoughts on this specific issue about slurs. Why not?

My first instinct is to turn to the wise words of Albus Dumbledore, from the first book of Harry Potter—The Sorcerer’s/Philosopher’s Stone:

“Sir?” said Harry. “I’ve been thinking...sir—even if the Stone’s gone, Vol—I mean, You-Know-Who—”

“Call him Voldemort, Harry. Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.”

Although it is not said in quite the same context, I personally believe that fear of a name or a word does indeed increase fear of the thing that word or name stands for. That is one of the reasons that there still exists a great deal of fear of the LGBTQ+ community. People are afraid to mention “the gays” or talk about them, especially with their children, and that only increases fear of the community itself. Instead of perpetuating that ourselves with terms in the community, I believe we should face them. But again, to each their own. I have no real trauma associated with any of those words, but I will not discount the thoughts and feelings of others—especially those whose lives and gender/sexuality have been tainted by slurs being hurled at themselves specifically.

*

If you have gotten this far, thank you! I love you! <3

...who am I kidding. I love you even if you didn’t read this far. :P You all are amazing, beautiful people, and your genuine opinions on this genuinely do matter! Anyways, have a good day! I hope this all calms down and that we can compromise soon! ^^

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[winterfellchild]

Littlefinger and Jonsa

So I want to talk about an old and totally strange spoiler/news/fanprediction ( not sure what it was because there is not much to read about it) about Littlefinger and Ghost deleted scene from season 6.

I found not much at all related to this deleted scene but from what I understood after his talk with Sansa in the godswood of Winterfell the scene was not supposed to end like we saw it but with Littlefinger turning his head around to see Ghost staring at him.

Now if it’s true can you imagine the great importance of it?

Ghost=Jon Snow and it would have been epic to see him looking after Sansa, protecting her from afar... sadly this was cut out in the final edit... or more probably this was never a real scene.

Anyway true or fake doesn’t really matter because I already had this idea in mind and I really like the meaning behind a scene like this hypothetical scene and most of all I hope for something like that to happen in season 7.

We know Jon will leave Winterfell ( not because of the fanfiction/spoilers but because of the photos) and it's not so wrong to think that he will not take Ghost with him so I really hope he will leave Ghost behind as Sansa's protector, or in other words I really hope that the writers will use Ghost as Sansa's protector in season 7 and not forget about him again.

It may look like nothing really important ( mostly because the show cut direwolves scenes too much) but since direwolves represent their owners I like the idea that Jon will somehow keep his promise even while he will be gone... he can't promise "I'll protect you, I promise" and just leave her: it's not right, it's not fair, it's not proper. I really think it will be anticlimactic if Jon will just go without making sure Sansa will have all the protection possible and Ghost is the strongest protector for sure, his instinct is more reliable than any man ( Tormund) or woman ( Brienne), and Jon and Ghost like all the Starks share a powerful connection so it will be a strong statement about how much he cares for her because no Starks ever left their direwolves behind (not even for a family member) and when it happened it was not intentional.

Anyway going back to Littlefinger, when I was searching more articles for that deleted scene I read again Aidan Gillen (aka Littlefinger himself) interview with The Huffington Post (here) and since I didn't use tumblr when I first read it I think now it's a good time to share my 2 cents on what he said... because if Littlefinger even remotely suggest that Jonsa it's a possibility I have something to say about it.

So what I want to talk about is this:

When asked if we should be worried about Sansa and Jon’s relationship, Gillen said, “Do you mean after the scene where it’s implied strongly who Jon’s parents really are? Well, their relationship has new potential now in light of that for sure. Although, I think having been brought up as siblings, they’re not going to want to go there. Anyway, while the viewers saw it in flashback, it’s a secret from a long time back, so who does know? But someone must, and I wouldn’t rule anything out.”

First of all... wow he right away talked about Jonsa. I would have had nothing to say if he started to talk about the infamous betrayal many think will happen in season 7 because his character is a main player in it, but in truth he didn't even address that topic if not asked expressly... first thing he just talked about Jonsa.

In my opinion this is an admission that in truth Jonsa is a possibility directly from Littlefinger the master player.

What does it mean for me and what do I hope for? That Littlefinger/Gillen is right and that the main point about Jon and Sansa relationship in season 7 will be the change in their relationship now that they are cousins.

I hope ( in truth I'm 90% sure, but since it's not my story I know I can be wrong) that the betrayal plot is just another red herring put at the end of the season to create more suspense. Like when Sansa showed up with black hairs and the black dress and everyone said she was going to be full evil the next season... how wrong they were since Ramsey was in her future. Sansa was strong as much as she could while she was with that monster but she wasn't the evil b**ch haters hoped she would become.

I'm not saying that Littlefinger won't try it, he will for sure. Littlefinger already told Sansa a couple of times that Jon is not really her brother, he is her half-brother... so he will have the perfect weapon if he somehow learn how true that statament is.

Maybe he already knows it but I don't think so. If you ask me during the time when Jon will not be in Winterfell Littlefinger will find out about Jon's true heritage as soon as Sansa will, thanks to his spy master ability, and will try to use it against him. Sansa will have to save Jon's throne from his scheming for sure ( there is no way she will betray him now that she has her family back) and in doing so she will slay a savage giant in a castle built of snow.

Anyway that's just my speculation about the betrayal but going back to Gillen saying “they are not going to want to go there��� it’s probable that this statament means that in the next season we will see how Jon and Sansa will face the dilemma “Needs vs Wants” and possibly overcome it... maybe it will go on until season 8. In other words Jon and Sansa union can be something that they will need to do more than something that they will want to do... at first.

I read a lot about Jonsa and I agree with the theory that it will start as a political union to keep the North together when all hell will break loose and Jon's heritage will be releaved.

Because let's be honest Westeros is not the perfect happy world where a secret so big will have no serious repercussions in the political system that elected Jon KiTN ( as much as fans/shippers want it this is not the kind of world where the Northerners will happily bend the knee again so easily or will follow their leader no matter what... anyone remember the Karstark? Theon? the Bolton? Poor Robb learned it the hard way that Westeros is not a perfect world... and he was a true Stark ).

( sharing Robb gif because it's absolutely relevant even if the post is not about him)

Resuming the previous topic Gillen words totally fit with a plot in which Jonsa will happen because they need it politically. Since a true Stark lost his claim in the past anything can happen to an half Stark who in truth is a member of the most hated family in the North, hated as much as House Lannister ( yes, Jon is a Stark because Lyanna was a Stark but his father family is more important in the world the story is taking place in so he is half Stark).

The idea of a political union also fit very well with the Ned and Catelyn 2.0 parallels that are present in the show/books because Ned and Cat wedding wasn't a great love story from the start, it was something that they did out of duty, but with time it became a love union, not as exciting as secret passions in the woods, but stronger. It lasted longer.

"Love didn't just happen to us. We built it slowly, stone by stone, over the years."

From this perspective Jon never ending gazing, the obvious tension and the amazing chemistry in season 6 are perfect starting points to begin to slowly build the kind of relationship that they will need to create. Because in GoT world it's one thing to marry someone who is a sister to you, it's a different thing to marry someone who secretely deep down you don’t see like a sister, in truth someone who were never close as a sister to him.

In conclusion there is the part where Gillen said: "But someone must ( know), and I wouldn’t rule anything out" ( too similar to what Sophie Turner also said about Jonsa) that, like it's written in the article, let me hope that maybe they wouldn’t go “there“ right away, but still... Sansa and Jon... sitting in a tree... yeah, it's what I want.

I hope I won’t end up like Ned for trusting Gillen

P.S. Since I’m talking about Littlefinger and Jonsa, am I the only one that see a black man bun on the bottom of this photo?

Like in other photos that were shared from season 7 I see a person in the background that is blurred and the first image that was shared of Jon Snow was him talking to Sansa in a similar location... maybe the 2 images are linked. And if they are linked I’m just happy Jonsa images are the first images we get for the next season.

[delicateeaglebouquetposts-blog]

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