#my fic that I left unfinished 16 years ago and am now coming back to finish

[threshasketch]

Matt with Near's toy dinosaur from my fanfic In Charge. The dinosaur represents Matt's and Near's friendship.

[scribeofred]

Thanks to @onereyofstarlight for the tag!

 1. What fandoms have you written for?

This is embarrassing but I actually had to look at both FFnet and AO3 because I couldn’t remember all of them. TRON: Legacy, Assassin’s Creed, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit, Sherlock, Final Fantasy VII and XV and Kingsglaive, Voltron: Legendary Defender, Merlin, Skyrim, and, of course, Thunderbirds. I have a couple other fandoms that crop up in various wips, including a Tom Swift/Thunderbirds crossover that I really should finish.

2. How many works do you have on AO3 &/or FFNet?

FFnet has 45, and AO3 has 41. There’s also a couple stories lurking on tumblr, notably a final chapter for Reflection.

3. What are your top 3 fics by kudos on A03 &/or Favs on FFNet?

AO3 dominates in this area, if I can use a word like “dominates” for stories that have less than 125 kudos each haha. Oh well, the numbers don’t matter!

1.     118 kudos on tell the shades apart (my world is black and white)

2.     94 kudos on Reflection

3.     91 kudos on The 43rd Hour

4. Which 3 fics have the least kudos & Favs?

Again on AO3:

1 kudos on I Am You (And You Are Me)

5 kudos on The Dragonborn Chronicles

6 kudos on cynosure

5. Which Fic has the most comments and which has the least?

Reflection has the most at 29 threads, and I Am You (And You Are Me) has the least at zero.

6. Which complete fic do you wish had gotten more attention?

Lodestar, definitely. Sure, it’s for something of a rarepair, but they aren’t that rare, and I just really really like the way the story came together. On the other hand, of course my unfinished Merlin fic has gotten probably the most attention, because that’s just the way it goes, eh?

7. Have you written any crossovers?

None that I’ve published! I have various crossovers lurking in mostly unfinished states, including the aforementioned Tom Swift/Thunderbirds crossover, and an Assassin’s Creed/Thundeerbirds crossover that is very good and I should also finish. There’s an Expanse/Thunderbirds fic lurking in my brain that I may or may not ever commit to paper, who knows. I’ve also very vaguely toyed with a Batman/Thunderbirds crossover, in the sense that “nebulous” is too strong a word for the kind of toying I’ve been doing.

8. What is the craziest fic you’ve written?

I don’t really write crazy or crack or humor in general, so probably the closest thing to “crazy” is On the Lam, which was the result of wanting to throw Scott and Penelope toward an Egyptian stud farm. It ended up being the host for a bad joke about that, courtesy of one @thebaconsandwichofregret, who consistently gives some of the best dialogue advice I’ve ever encountered.

Actually, the true answer is probably a chapter in Glimpses into a Supernova, maybe the one about blood? It seems bonkers when I think back on it now, but I admittedly haven’t read it in many years. Possibly I am misremembering. Glimpses has some weird ones, though.

9. What’s the fic you’ve written with the saddest ending?

It’s a tossup between The Painting and a place where the water touches the sky. The former deals with a prior off-screen death; the latter is (maybe??) an on-screen death. People seemed upset by it, at any rate. I said it was ambiguous!

10. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

“Happy” is probably a matter of perspective? Depends on the overall reading experience and the ending within that context. Either septet or Three Towels and a Tracy, they’re both pretty fluffy overall.

11. What is your smuttiest fic?

protoinstincts, which I completely forgot I wrote and then rediscovered like a year later and realized “hey, this is actually pretty good” and you know what, despite it not being overly spicy, it is pretty good.

12. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not hate, per se, but someone left a review on Less Than Nothing saying they “didn’t like” that I “wrote the story as a series of drabbles.” Cool, I didn’t write the story for you, random guest reader, and the back button exists, friend 😂 It didn’t bother me on a personal level because I wrote the fic for an audience of one (incidentally, not myself and rather the recipient of a secret santa event), but I was mad because the reviewer had no way of knowing where I was at as a writer, and I know from longtime observation how that kind of comment can crush less experienced or confident writers.

Don’t leave flames, kids, you don’t understand the power your words have. Don’t like, don’t read.

13. What is the nicest comment you’ve received?

The nicest? Goodness. Hmm. I’d have to go hunting to find the nicest, but in recent memory, @ayzrules sent me a couple passages from Spanish texts she’s been studying that reminded her of my writing, and I was honestly so touched by the fact that she even thought to make such comparisons, much less mention them to me. Taking the time to familiarize yourself with someone’s style until you can make comparisons between it and someone else’s work is so much more meaningful to me personally than a basic “Nice story!” or “Loved this!” type of comment ever could be. <3 Ayz <3

14. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of, but I’ve never gone looking on any sort of copycat site or whatever either.

15. How many fics do you have marked as incomplete?

Two. First is The Dragonborn Chronicles, which is a retelling of Skyrim from Lydia’s perspective via her journal, to complement the in-game journal. It’s a slog of a style to write, though, even for someone who loves writing first person and doesn’t really want to write a lot of dialogue, and the outline is huge, and the story will be many times more huge, and just. Some day. Some day.

Second is tell the shades apart (my world is black and white), which has always been unfinished because the outline itself is over seven thousand words and the fully written story would undoubtedly land between 100,000 and 200,000 words, and there’s no way I’m writing that. I’ve always meant to upload the outline, but I got kind of self-conscious about the way I formatted it, and ugh I just haven’t bothered. One day, one day, right?

Moral of the story is I’m intensely a short story writer, and I’ve really found myself settling into that role over the last couple years. Better a clipped, punchy short story than a bloated slog of an epic.

16. Which of the WIPS will most likely be finished first?

Literally no one knows that. I wrote 95% of the observable entropy of a closed system over five years ago, and then I proceeded to pull it out roughly once a year and write and rewrite various endings until last month, which was when I finally figured out how I wanted to end the story. septet, too, languished for about five years before I finally remembered it existed and managed to wrangle an ending. Endings are hard, man. So are those third plot points. Terrible creatures, those, bog me down every time.

17. Which WIP are you looking forward to finishing?

Uh... mm. See. If I were looking forward to finishing any of them, I’d be actively working on them. At this moment, writing fic isn’t exactly high on my list of priorities, but I am also coming off a four-day idle game bender, so I still feel like I haven’t quite reengaged with myself as a living person. Give me another few days and I might have an answer.

(I am always most looking forward to finishing this ridiculous Ignis-drives-the-Audi-R8 fic that’s been languishing in my wips for literal years. As mentioned above, third plot points. Killer, man.)

(oh and also the working-titled the art of murder. Scott and Penny attend a private art auction. Things don’t go to plan. It, too, is stuck at the third plot point. I know, I know I have a problem, shush.)

18. Is there a WIP that you’re considering abandoning?

Any wip has the potential to be revived—this year and the old wips I’ve unearthed, dusted off, finished, and posted have been proof of that. I don’t intentionally permanently abandon anything for that reason, some stories just probably will remain dusty old wips forever because I didn’t actually need or want to write the full story for one reason or another.

19. Which complete fic would you consider rewriting?

Now that’s an interesting question. Hmm! Honestly? None of them. Once I finish a story, I’m not inclined toward rereading it again any time soon, to the point of years in some cases, and I feel like I’ve moved on from the stories I wrote one, two, five, eight years ago in the actual writing sense. They’re finished stories, and on top of that are relics of their time, which doesn’t mean the stories don’t have any ongoing significance on a reading level—I just don’t have any interest in rewriting those particular stories. I’ve gotten them out of my head, to the point of not remembering at least a third of them on demand anymore, and I don’t have any desire to “retell” those exact stories. I do tend to tighten the wording and fix perceived errors/weaknesses whenever I do end up rereading an old story, and I usually silently update the AO3 version if I make any significant changes because AO3 makes it a breeze to update a posted fic. I might do FFnet too if I’m feeling up to it or have the time.

20. Which complete fic is your favourite?

Once upon a time I would’ve said Holding On, but I honestly find it kind of unbearably melodramatic now. the observable entropy of a closed system is equally melodramatic, as it was written in the same era, but at least it has the excuse of being told in second person and via a style that is a half step away from being poetry. Possibly I will reread it in a few years and find it equally obnoxious and overly dramatic, but it received some shockingly positive comments, which I wasn’t expecting at ALL, and I’ve been honestly blown away by the amount of praise it’s received. <3 to everyone who’s said anything about it!

21. What’s your total published word count?

141,000 on AO3, 160,000 on FFnet, but technically the light of my life SS wrote fifty thousand words of each. It’s too late for math.

 I tag @velkynkarma, @lurkinglurkerwholurks, @writtenbyrain, @thebaconsandwichofregret, and anyone else who wants to play!

[dystopian-penguin]

Is this a real life story? Is this a fic concept? Who knows 🤷

But here’s a very long account of... something.

This isn't a gay disaster story. It's a gay sad ending story. It's a gay "self-homophobia is very real and realistic” story, and not in the "gay panic is kinda cute" way.

It all started 14 years ago (yes that long), when I was still deeply in the HP fandom and even more deep into reading James/Lilly fics in ff.net all day long. For the first time in my entire life I decided to sort by “all works” and not just “completed”. I know it might sound super silly, and even a bit cliche considering this is tumblr and we live and breath fics, but that single decision literally changed the course of my life. And unlike what I usually do, I am not exaggerating. I found this one fic that must have had, like, 20 chapters and almost 100k words and dived into it without looking for rocks in the bottom. Long story short: the last posted chapter ended on a huuuuuge cliffhanger, like the very next moment after the kiss, and it left me completely destroyed.

So I did what I always do, what I am known on tumblr and my small social circle in here to do: I went to scream at the author.

But I wasn’t content to just scream in the comment section, oh no. For all I knew the bitch wouldn’t even see it, the last update had been from like 8 months previously. So I stalked her ff.net profile and found her MSN email. Yes, the story is THAT old.

My literal first words to her must have been something akin to “OH MY GOD I HATE YOU SO MUCH”, which yay for the beautiful poetic irony that the universe crafts at times. She took it in stride because, let’s face it, a shitton of people had already greeted her like that by then. And we started talking, and it was easy and fun. We had a lot in common, more or less the same type of interests, the usual you’d expect if I had met her on tumblr even. We must have talked like 3 hours straight on that first day, and I left feeling pretty good cause I had made a new friend. Not only that, but right off the bat I admired her so much. Not only because she was talented as fuck (imagine writing a 100k unfinished fic at only 15 y/o), but also because the more I talked to her the more I could see just how fucking cultured she was and how intelligent and ect. She came from a wealthy family and such a different reality from me. She had been abroad, in fact she usually travelled abroad with her family like twice a year, she was fluent in english even then (at that point I was I intermediate at best), not to mention german because her family was german. She was 15 (a year older than me back then) and trilingual and could write wonderfully and I was fascinated by her instantly.

Something else worth of note was that her profile pic on the day we met had been set to a close-up of a blue eye. I must have asked on that very same day whose eye was that because damn if it hasn’t been the prettiest blue I’ve ever seen. I mean, I hadn’t told her that, but I was curious enough to ask. And as everyone and their grandmother might have guessed by now, it was hers.

Somehow (and I truly don’t know HOW), we got into the habit of talking every day, or at least very close to it. I got to know about her daily life, just one state south from where I live and sooooo much colder than what I had ever experienced. She went to a swiss school, fully bilingual, was the first in her year in the IB program which for the love of crap I didn’t even know it existed back then. Might not ever have known if I never met her. Eventually we exchanged phone numbers, and back then SMS messages were like 1,50 bucks for inter-state ones. Our mothers were not happy.

Around a year and a half went by this way. She became my best friend, my rock. We both had a shitton of problems in your high school lives and in our family lives, and we were so relieved to know there was someone out there we could share those with. In the meantime she ended up breaking up with her boyfriend, ironically just a few months before I had my very first kiss. When she broke up with her boyfriend she was absolutely devastated (they had been together almost a year or so), and relied on me a lot back then. Which I was more than happy to support because for the first time in my life I felt like I belonged somewhere. I felt like I was actually part of someone’s life. I didn’t feel like I ever bothered her, like I was ever intruding in her life. I felt like I was truly part of her world, like she actually remembered my existence when I was not around, and at now-16 years of age that had literally been the first time I had felt that. I never had a true friend before her. Not sure I ever did after her either.

On easter 2008 we finally convinced our moms to let us meet. Her family had a whole goddamn country house with a huge plot of land, so it was decided I was gonna visit her first. So I got semi-sedated and got into my first plane ride EVER, and for those of you that are reading this and know me (although I doubt anyone is reading at all), you know how terrified of planes I am. You know how BIG of a gesture it is for me to get into a fucking plane for the first time in my life for a person.

I already knew she was pretty. I mean, we had talked on the webcam a couple of times before (just a few times because the internet back then was really terrible). The blue eyes I mentioned, and the most fucking beautiful silky blonde hair you’ve ever seen. But when I saw her the first time on that airport it still took my breath away. Even more, what truly surprised me, was the huge smile she gave as soon as she saw me out of the gate and she rushed to hug me. I was paralyzed. I mean yes I was happy and hugged her back, which was a huge deal because back then I was not touchy feely at all (and she was VERY). But I was paralyzed. Because I had never in my entire 16 years of age seen anyone smile that big or that brightly at seeing me. Hell, I suppose I had never seen anyone smile that brightly at all. As the day progressed she was so legit happy that I was there, and I could never fully wrap my head around it. We drove to her house and her mom took the long way just so they could show me all the interesting spots in her city, and she shared tidbits of her daily life that I still didn’t know, despite us being so close, because those are the things you only learn by actually being next to the person irl. Later on she introduced me to her two best friends in school, and we all decided to watch a horror movie.

Yes, it’s THAT cliche.

Now, you see, I’m absolutely fucking impervious to horror movies. Yes I get jumpscared just as much as anyone else, but I don’t get scared. So I was sitting there a bit lowkey bored, narrating the entire plot of the movie and what would happen a few scenes before it did because the movie was just that easy to guess. And she had taken complete ownership of my left arm the entire time, being half super scared and half impressed I could guess every single thing on the plot. Later on she apologized for not letting go of my arm because she knew I wasn’t as touchy feely as she was, and I was once again taken aback because I come from a ridiculously touchy-feely country and NO ONE ever apologizes for it or respects my boundaries on it.

The next day we wake up bright and early to go to her ranch-thingy. She slept on top of me on the car almost all the way there. I must have woken up like a whole hour before her but didn’t move at all.

I’m a city slick. I’m a huge city slick, through and through. Which means I am both fascinated and absolutely terrified on any plot of grass bigger than a garden. And her country house was fucking amazing. I had only experienced the true freedom of being in nature a few times in my life, and she made sure to show me every nook and crane of the forest surrounding it. Because yes it was a forest and not a jungle like where I lived, and that made it all the more magical.

But the truly one magical thing in the entire 4-days weekend was the stars. You see, I am absolutely in love with the stars. It’s stupid to say something like this when I was retelling the greatest love story of my life, but the stars are my one true love. I got my first telescope when I was five years old. My mother cannot for the life of her explain where I got this obsession from. She always said I was already born that way. So I find myself for the first time in my life with the least amount of light pollution I’ve ever been subject to in my entire life (even nowadays). For the first time in my life I has actually been able to see the Milky Way with my own two eyes. And what made everything even more impressive was that it was a full moon, and the night sky still looked as incredible as it’s supposed to look. Honestly it might have been a great contender to the beauty of her blue eyes.

The moment I remember the most is us laying down on some beach towels (no idea why they had those in the countryside), stargazing for hours at end. By then we were two full states to the south of mine, so I believe the technical definition of what I was feeling is fucking freezing my inexistent balls off. I had gotten dressed in just some jeans and a tshirt way before the sun set, and I was dammed if I was gonna interrupt our stargazing to go put on some decent clothes. I remember her asking a few times if I was cold, and I also remember myself lying through my teeth saying I had gotten used to it by then. Blatant lies, my nipples could cut through fucking glass at the moment. But I wasn’t gonna interrupt it because it was just the two of us on a grassy clearing, her family was at least 200m away and we couldn't even hear them anymore and it was just us and the stars and her hands were so close to mine that I could feel the heat (the only source of it for my beach-town ass I suppose). It was the perfect fucking moment. The moment most people dream of having their entire lives. I have no idea how long we stayed there, but it was a few hours for sure. Her mom had to call us back inside, and nothing broke my heart more. We talked about anything and everything. I told her what I knew of astronomy and I could see for the first time I was fascinating her with knowledge. Because I had always felt and will always feel like a peasant in the presence of a princess when it comes to her. With how cultured and educated and just fucking smart she always had been. But as I told her of the constellations (sometimes grabbing her hand to point to the stars and make her spot them better), and proclaimed my love for the night sky, she listened. She listened and I had never felt heard before in my life. She listened and I felt I had managed to make her fall in love with the stars a little bit by just talking about them.

She listened and I felt I had managed to make myself fall in love in her a little bit by just seeing the way she looked at me as I talked.

All good things come to an end and time had come for me to go back home. I will never forget how she hugged me goodbye on that same airport. Where I had seen the brightest smile on my life and now I could see she was holding back tears for me. Because I was leaving. I was important enough in someone’s life that they were about to cry because I wasn’t going to be around anymore. She way she whispered “I’m gonna miss you so much” on my ear, on such a low note I am sure it was just so her mother wouldn’t hear her, and her voice will haunt me for the rest of my life. She told me a few days later that she did cry on her way to school that morning.

After this it was near impossible to not be with her at all times. We texted constantly, and used to talk like 2 whole hours on the phone before bed. Once again I must remind you this was 2008 so it was no cheap business. Her mother started to try to separate us a bit, insisting she didn’t contact me as much, even tho I was sure the one who could not afford those phone bills, not her. It all culminated on what was ironically (or perhaps planned by her mother?) brazilian Valentine’s day (we are the only country in the world that celebrates in on St. Anthony’s day, which is June 12th). It was the first day in almost two years we didn’t talk at all, because of how much her mother had nagged her about it. The next day we talked as if we had been separated by a war for a decade.

I’m gonna take a break here to let everyone know that no, I did not think I was in love with her back then. I don’t think she knew either, but it’s hard to tell.

Her mother planned her entire july winter break to the minute just so she could spend the least amount of time in my house as possible. We got 5 days instead of the previous 4. But her mother came up with a ridiculous amount of trips for the family. She visit 3 different countries (and a whole different state inside her own country) within 30 fucking days. That’s how bad it had gotten then. Our SMSs had to be cut down to just two or three a day because of it.

But it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because when she arrived at my house (her family had insisted in meeting mine before letting her stay) I was able to see from three floors up how brightly she had smiled at seeing me again.

I’ll make this part short: we stayed cooped inside blankets the entire time, playing on my PS2. It was so ridiculous that my mom, maaaany years later, told me she usually left the house for hours at time just to give us an opportunity of finally doing something about our very obvious feelings. Unlike the trip we took to her ranch, this one was filled with 3am deep existencial talks. And unlike the other trip, we spent the whole time sleeping on the same bed. Not a whole lot happened other than us dancing around the obvious feelings and how to deal with being so close to each other.

Nothing beside the very last morning together. I remember always waking up after her, because that’s just how we were. I remember she was already up, reading this book in fucking german of all things. It had been the first day of the entire week we had a meager ray of sunshine. And the way my window and ourselves were positioned, the sun was shinning directly on her. I woke up to the vision of an angel. I had never seen hair in such a warm bright color. I had never seen eyes that were the living embodiment of a spring afternoon sky. I woke up and her propped up on a couple of pillows, reading under the weak morning sun was the first thing I saw. It was the first thing I saw and I could swear I was still dreaming.

Because for the first time in all this, I could not contain and muffle the voice inside my head that was screaming: I want to wake up next to this every single day for the rest of my life.

It was the last time I woke up next to her for the rest of my life.

To my credit I did shake off my daze from the sight quite fast. I had gotten so good to drowning out these feelings that I was great at putting my poker face back up. We talked, we had breakfast, we let ourselves feel a bit sad about her leaving.

Then, just about half an hour before we actually had to go shower to take her to the station, it happened. The one moment that made me feel confident this all wasn’t just in my head. It all wasn’t just wishful thinking of a lonely pathetic girl who got way too bullied in high school.

We were having an impromptu pillow fight cause why not. That’s how girls who are secretly in love handle their feelings after all. It’s universal I think. And, well, on the overall 9 days we spent together irl I never actually beat her once because I’m just that much of a noddle. But this one fight we were both in bed, with weak footing and etc. You can see where this is going.

So on a scene to rival any anime, or that one gif of girls playing handball that fall on top of each other, she fell on top of me. Well, did she fall? I don’t know. For all I know, she planned.

And we had the moment. The gaze. Those few indescribable seconds of your life that you’re always gonna remember like yesterday, no matter how old you get. She had each of my hands pinned to the side of my head, and at first I thought we were still fighting so I just struggled and laughed and was saying stuff like “get off me ya psycho!”. But then I looked up. I looked up and.

And then I felt it. I felt everything her eyes were telling me. She wasn’t playing with me anymore. She was staring at me as if she already knew it was going to be the last time. She was staring at me as if it was a love story because it was. She was staring at me as if her entire existence, as if the whole oxygen on the earth itself depending on my presence.

She was staring at me like I has never been looked at before, or since. Even with a 3-years long relationship I had muuuch later on. No one had never, or will ever, look at me the way she looked at me.

And I froze. I froze because I had no idea what else to do. I froze because inside my head back then this was still wrong. Girls should not kiss. Girls should never kiss.

It was wrong.

It was so wrong, but nothing, not a single piece of bigot ramble ever uttered in history would make me feel more scared than losing my best friend. Nothing in the world scared me more than losing her.

Could I cross this boundary? Did she want to? Or was it just a spur on the moment thing?

But then she stared at my lips and I could not help but lick my own. Out of instinct, out of craving, out of love.

To the risk of getting an angry mob to my house right now, no, we did not kiss.

In fact, I dont quite remember the next few seconds at all. It had been single the most intense moment in my life at this point. It is still one of the most intense moments I’ve ever experienced. I completely blanked out of how I actually got pulled out of it and back into the land of living. Next thing I know we are sitting on opposite sides of the bed, trying to move away from the awkwardness. We did manage, in a couple of minutes. and things went back to normal between us.

But things would never be back to normal within me.

I’m gonna take a pause here to point out I’m bisexual. So like every bisexual, I am a very confused person. Cause you see, the moment you figure out you're bisexual it’s so much more confusing than figuring out you're fully homosexual. Because in the moment, things don’t just click. Things dont just start to magically make sense. I was 16 and I had absolutely liked guys before. Was it with this intensity? No because I was fucking 16. She was the first person I was been truly in love with. But I know it in my soul that if she was a dude I would love her with the exact same intensity. This particular discourse took me another three years to solve, but I digress.

And then she left.

She left and, like I said, her mother had programed her entire july milimetrically so we could be as far apart as possible. She left my house straight back to her ranch, not even her own house, And they have no internet there, so no MSN. Just a single 30-minutes phone call a day, for the 4 days after we had spent the entire week cooped up in bed inside blankets and playing lame-ass RPGs. And then right after that she left for germany for two full weeks. But before that particular trip, she did manage to get home. She got home to a letter of her grandma that read...

Well to be honest I cannot tell you what it read exactly. Because she was extremely vague about it when telling me. But it was enough to destroy her. It was enough to make her think that her grandma would not want anything to do with her anymore and it was based off somewhat new events. It doesn’t take a fucking genius to figure out the full contents of the letter. Her family is from the brazilian Bible Belt. But back then, at 16, confused as fuck, and already preemptively heartbroken, I legit had no idea what it said. She was vague and I didn’t want to pry. I just wanted to make her stop crying. I just wanted to put that beautiful smile back in her face but on that day I could feel her slipping away for the first time.

The rest of the story takes place in just a bit under two months. Maybe 6 weeks at most.

She goes to germany and finds a boyfriend, as one does. She leeches on this boy like a lifeline, but never stops texting me our 3 international texts we were allowed daily. In fact, the first thing she did after kissing him was pulling off her phone as texting me.

You can imagine how well this guy takes it.

Now, she goes back to brasil and this guy actually lives somewhat close to her. It’s a doable relationship. Once they both have access to internet and MSN again, and she is fast to introduce us, so happy that both of the most important people in her life are meeting. Even tho they had been together for like 3 weeks at this point.

I’m ok with it because, well, I still hadn’t figured myself out. I know no one will believe this, but I honestly did not feel jealousy. In fact, it was almost relief. Relief that I would not need to look into my feelings any further than I had back in july. I was happy for her. She seemed genuinely happy with this guy, and so was I.

And then Independence Day weekend comes and hell starts to... well, not break loose, but certainly get weaker on the seams. In here Independence Day is on September 7th, but both on my city and hers there's a city holiday on the 8th. On that year it ended up getting us a 4-day weekend again, and obviously I thought I was the one who was gonna be invited to visit her. I has been counting on it, planning for it.

Two weeks or so before that she informs me that she wants to invite her boyfriend over instead of it, which is like. Ok. Fair. But for the first time in this entire story I felt jealousy. Because that ranch, those stars, that sky... it was our place. I did not wanna share those experiences I had with her with anyone else. But I kept quiet of course, because how could I not? I tell her “yeah it’s a bit upsetting because I was hopping we could see each other, but I am genuinely happy you get to spend time with him!”

She ghosts me in that week.

To this day, 12 years and 2 months later, I do not know why. I do not know how. I know her grandma called again when she learned the boyfriend was gonna come over and not me, but that’s all.

She ghosted me before ghosting was even a thing. So I had no other social parameter to deal with the situation. I will never forget the absolutely heart wrenching pain I felt when I figured out she had blocked me on MSN. It’s indescribable.

It’s indescribable because she was the first person I felt like actually gave a flying fuck if I lived of died, if I was happy or if I cried. And she had up and decided to fucking cut me out her life without a single fucking word of explanation. One night everything was fine, we even had a group chat with her boyfriend. The next day she is gone forever. I don’t know, nor I think I will ever learn what triggered it. What was the last fucking draw, the last fucking prejudiced word directed at her that made her do it.

My world had been full of color, full of life, and even if literally everyone around me in real life would be so much happier if I didn’t exist (back then I DID NOT get along with my mother), she had seemed this entire time to be so much happier with me around. She was the one person who liked my existence. And literally overnight, I wake up and my world is empty. My world is empty and my air is missing and I don’t fucking know why.

It’s been 12 years and I still don’t know why.

Her boyfriend harassed me a bit back on orkut. Like, I have no idea why. It was unprompted. But it does give you a big fucking clue does it now?

I haven’t gotten a single word from her ever again. I know she’s alive, that’s not the fucking point of the story. I know because I tried to contact her again through every fucking means possible. I even sent her a letter of all things for fuck’s sake. When facebook came along I found her there too and sent her a message. Once 3 years after the fact, and then again 6 years after the fact. That was the last time I tried contacting her.

I cannot say I was “faithful”, so to speak. I cannot say she has been the only thing in my mind. I cannot say that I have not loved again, because I have. I had a serious 3-year relationship, as I mentioned. I had actual gay disasters stories in between. She has not remained the foremost thing in my mind. She has not remained my one true love. There were times where I spent months without thinking about her. Even silly crushes are enough to stray my thoughts away, to stray my heart away

But what worth are those times if I always go back to thinking of her as soon as I see myself without someone? What worth are those times where she is not in my mind, if she had never left my heart to begin with?

What worth is forgetting about her at times when she is my default setting?

I know what you're thinking. “you’re not in love with her, you’re in love with the idea of what could have been”. And you’re absolutely right. I know you are. I’m fully aware of it, of the implications of it, not only on my love life but my mental health.

But she has been the single most influential person in my life. She was the one that got me to writing. She was the one who made face my mother and have The Talk we needed for fucking 16 years about who my father was. Fuck, she is the sole responsible for setting my life on that path, and all the domino effect of events that happened because of the decision of talking to my mother about it. She was the one that made me figure out I was bisexual. Not a lesbian, definitively not straight, but not gay either. Bisexual, out and proud.

She was my first love.

She was my first love and she is the one that makes me give some credit to the saying “at the end of your life you will see you’ve fallen in love with the same person over and over again”.

She was my first love and she makes me go fucking crazy enough to give the whole “soulmates” concept a decent thought, because this cannot have been natural. Loneliness cannot explain the entire thing. It cannot explain how ridiculously drawn I was to her right away. Attraction doesn’t explain it either. It cannot explain how insanely synced up I’ve always felt to her. How insanely connected.

I’m not gonna lie, I loved my ex. Truly and deeply. They were the only person to ever treat me respect, and I felt almost as connected to them as I did to her. Almost.

If we are getting technical, I felt, like, 95% synced up with them. Which is more than the vast majority of humankind can only dream of feeling.

But it was not 100%.

There has only been one person in my life that I have felt 100% connected with. One person in my life I have not been able to shake away, have not been able to get over. Oh I have moved on. I have moved on and moved back in and then moved on again. Many times, over and over.

But I have not gotten over you. I will never get over you. What happened. How it ended. You were my biggest heartbreak. You were my biggest love story, and I didn’t even get to live it.

You make me so illogical that I sincerely hope there is a next life out there. One we can meet, sit down, and talk.

I’m sure you are a completely different person right now. I am a completely different person too. And it is insane, it is illogical, and it is immature to think that these two completely different people would still have any vestige of a thing in common like we did as kids. Because we were kids. We were kids and now we are both adults, and have a single damn thing changed?

A whole fuckton of them changed. Seasons changed. Years changed. The entire fucking world changed. I have changed more than you can possible imagine a person would in 12 years.

But you being the default setting of my heart has not changed. No matter how “unfaithful” I’ve been to you. No matter how much I will keep on living not being attached to you. No matter how much I know at some point I will forget you, forget this feeling, and bask into the pleasure of a new love. No matter how much at some point I will surely think “wow, what a crazy bitch I was back then, with all these feelings for a random girl who certainly doesn’t even remember I exist”.

And that’s one of my biggest fears you see. Cause for me you are half the fucking book. For me you’re the constant element that comes back when sea is calm and things are ok.

And I fear that to you I was nothing more than a line, maybe a throwaway paragraph in your life.

[the-butch-of-blaviken]

Fic Writer Review

Thanks so much for tagging me @crunadh <3 oh i love this one!

1. How many fics on AO3?

6. I write a lot, but most of what i write doesn't make it to AO3

2. Total AO3 wordcount?

41.396

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Mostly for The Witcher these days, but years ago I also wrote for Outlast (the horror video game), Undertale and a bunch of anime/manga like Kuroko no Basket, Black Butler, Tokyo Ghoul and Hakuouki Shinsengumi Kitan. Can't believe i still remember all of them.

4. Top five by kudos?

I'll only rate the first three because the other ones are written in French and are unfinished anyway

3) Interferences, with 27 kudos, which i guess was to be expected when writing for a rarepair such as this one

2) Survivors, with 119 kudos

1) Make them (make you) see you the way I do, with 143 kudos, my only geraskier and ntflx!witcher fic, which i'm kinda :/ about because it's certainly not the one I'm the most proud of

5. Do you respond to comments, why/why not?

I try to! I love yelling with other people in the comment section, but sometimes when i don't respond right away or when i'm overwhelmed, i end up forgetting about it then i realize that it's too late and that if i respond now it'll just. be weird. So if you left a comment on one of my fics know that i love you and that i've read your comment multiple times, it's just that your comment caught me in a downward curve <3

6. What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Survivors i guess? The whole fic was pretty angsty since it's about Lambert mourning and grieving...

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

Nope! Crossovers aren't really my thing, although it'd be fun to imagine how Geralt and Corvo from Dishonored would interact, or Geralt and Dante maycry. Not at the top of my list of priorities tho

8. Have you received hate on a fic?

No, thank goodness!

9. Do you write smut?

Sometimes, when i have the stamina for it. I find smut to be particularly exhausting to write. I have to be in the right mood for it tho 😂

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so?

11. Ever had a fic translated?

Nope, although i guess i could translate my own fics, it's literally my day job 😂

12. Ever co-written a fic before?

No, and I'm not sure if that's an experience i want to try my hand at

13. All time favorite ship?

There's so many amazing ships in this fandom, it's hard to pick one... I like most ships involving Geralt (once again, my boy has hands plural) but my favorites are yenralt and geregis. And these days i'm also really into lambden and Keira/Lambert? Do they have a ship name? And Emhyr/Dijkstra of course :)))))

14. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

There are like three or four modern au's i started writing but never finished because i couldn't be bothered to make a plot ahead of time. Maybe i'll get back to them one day.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I'd say emotions? Describing what's going on in the characters' heads and all that? And dialogues as well.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plots. Ugh. I'm never satisfied with what i come up with.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages?

It can be so interesting when done well – when actual bilingual people can relate to it. I know most native English speakers don't like it, maybe because they're used to understanding everything? I don't know, i'm aware that it can be frustrating and that you may feel like you're missing out on the story, but it can add so much depth and flavor to a character! Other bilingual people will understand, we are not quite the same people in our native language and in other languages, so it can show a different facet of a character. The tricky part is working with the reader, trying not to make them feel excluded, make them feel like they understood even though they don't know the words. I don't quite know how to get there yet though.

18. First fandom you write for?

A really obscure French animated series involving a self-insert and the character I had a crush on. Now that's just embarrassing.

19. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Interferences. I have to admit, i'm quite proud of the witty dialogue between Emhyr and Dijkstra, two characters far, far more intelligent than i am. It was challenging but very satisfying to write.

I believe most of my writer mutuals have already been tagged by other people? If someone hasn't though don't hesitate, i want to see your answers 👀

[ilovemybarricadebabies]

another fanfic ask game post! enjoy!

This time I’m doing these questions!

Inspiration and Reading Questions:

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

Reading: I’m not sure. Maybe 2011/2012

Writing: 2013

2. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

It’s definitely both, but I wouldn’t call it a perfect 50/50 split. It varies. Sometimes I read more, but write less or vice versa.

3. Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do.

Not really. I usually just write fics for whatever I want to.

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

Current favorite WIPs.

All That’s Left by @doriangrayscale

flowers for your grave by @grantairesbottle

Lover of the Light by @areyoumiserableyet

Favorite (four) all-time fics

Ask me no question (and I’ll tell you no lies) by Signe_chan

If you offer salvation, I will run (into your arms) by mornmeril

this is fact not fiction by Rianne

Oh, It’s What You Do To Me by captainskellington

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something.

I have a love-hate relationship with slow burn fics. Like I love them because give me the pining, give me the obliviousness, give me the amazing, sweeping first kiss, give me the angst, just give me all the delicious development that comes with finding common ground and falling in love. That being said, however, and I realize that I’m in the minority here, the hate part comes in when the story is really long, let’s 50+ chapters, and the story gets to chapter 50, but the romance still hasn’t started coming into play and I’m starting to just get sick of it because nothing has progressed to romance. Like there gets to be a time where too much is too much and usually, when that happens, it’s time for me to say adios! to the story.

6. How do you find new fic to read? Where do you primarily read fanfiction.

I primarily read fics on Ao3. I loathe FFN.net with every fiber of my being.

I usually just leave the Enjolras/Grantaire category open on and refresh it like three to four times a day for new stories to read.

7. Do you prefer to read short fics or long fics?

It depends on the ship, but I mostly like long fics.

8. How often do you reblog/comment on fics that you like?

I’m absolutely horrid at commenting (I’m working on getting better), but if it’s a story that I really like (ex. the three WIPs mentioned in question 4), I will comment every time there is a new chapter.

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

I have no idea. In my opinion, I think all writers are underrated and unknown.

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Enjolras and Grantaire (Enjoltaire) from Les Mis.

Fanfiction Writing Asks:

11. How do you come up with your fic titles?

Through music or quotes. Sometimes one just comes to me, but mostly through music or quotes.

12. Tell the author your favorite fics title of theirs (not the fics, stricktly the title). Author: what’s your favorite title you’ve come up with and why?

I love all the titles of my fics, I can’t possibly pick a favorite.

13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just look at an outline of yours without reading the fic?

I make some sort of outline, but I don’t think they’d really get much of a headache since it’s pretty much just a basic plot, maybe sometimes a little more than that.

14. Do you have personal word minimum that you hold yourself too? Why or why not?

Absolutely not! I write until I think I’ve found a good quitting spot. That can be 500 words or 20k words. It all depends on how I’m feeling and where my motivation is at.

15. Tell the author your favorite fics of theirs. What’s your (the author’s) favorite fic you’ve written?

Forever Was In His Eyes is my favorite with Begin Again as a close second.

Honorable mention because it pushed me out of my comfort zone: Beating of Our One Heart.

16. Do you research your fics? If so, how deep of a rabbit hole have you down by accident while researching?

I only research if the fic absolutely calls for it.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

On a scale of 1-100, 100. I’m not motivated by feedback like some writers are, but I do love to know if someone is enjoying my fic or not.

18. Do you have WIP that you keep telling yourself that you’ll eventually get back to, but deep down you know that’s probably lie?

Nope. Any WIPs that are unfinished, will probably stay unfinished.

19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)?

I edit, and then, I’m constantly editing after it’s posted. If I re-read one of my fics and spot a spelling mistake, I can’t just let it sit there, I HAVE to fix it. I am also currently in the middle of long and giant editing project to make sure all my stories are the best stories that they can.

20. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Um...I, for some strange reason, love outlining. I love coming up with the sequence of events. How do the characters get from point A to point B. How does the story end.

21. What’s your least favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Editing and revising. Always.

22. Do you take fic requests? If so, for what characters and why?

Nope. I don’t get enough attention in my inbox to do that.

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Forbidden love. I’ve always been such a sucker for this trope.

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

I’m sure that there are some tropes that I would never touch in a million years, but I can’t think of any write now.

25. Do you listen to music as your write? If possible, link your writing playlist.

I listen to music, but I don’t have a playlist. Most of time it’s just Taylor Swift.

26. What’s your biggest distraction when writing?

Um...if I’m watching a brand new TV show or one I haven’t watched in a long time, I’ll pay more attention to the screen then what I’m supposed to be writing. This goes for movies too.

27, Do you like to give your readers some warning of what might be coming or just slap them in the face with content at random?

I keep my fics under lock and key until they are finished. No one knows any details about them except me. The one exception to this rule was Beating of Our One Heart. I warned that that fic would feature a polyamorous relationship (something I have never written before) while I was working on the outline.

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

Well, the only pressure I usually feel is worry that people won’t like my story, but I think that’s normal for every writer.

29. Have you ever written for an exchange or event of some kind? Which one(s)?

I don’t write for events.

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

R (11:46 P.M.): I’m not sorry.

31. Of the characters your write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain one?

I love writing Enjolras. I’m sure people who have read my fanfics find him to be OOC, but I don’t care. When I write him, he’s half me projecting and the other half is him being the righteous revolutionary that we know him as.

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?

I can’t pick three, I have too many favorites.

33. What do you like writing better: one shots or multi-chapter stuff?

It depends. I like writing both. I also really like writing one shots that are 30k+ and multi-chapter fics that are under 10k. It all just depends on my mood and what the fic calls for.

34. How much of yourself and your life experience do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

As stated above, I project onto Enjolras. How much, I’m not saying. I do put my likes and dislikes as the characters’. When I write children, I draw inspiration from my nephews. I use my high school class schedule as the characters’ schedule when I write high school AU’s. The jest of what I’m saying is that I have no idea what my readers’ image of me is.

35. How much has writing fic changed your life?

It’s become my escape when things get too difficult or stressful.

36. Are they any fics or fandoms you’re embarrassed to have written or been apart of?

I’m not embarrassed by it, and I never finished or posted it, but I started writing a Sound of Music fic. I don’t remember what it was about, though.

37. Give an update on your current WIP - if you have one, give a sneak peek to a title or idea that you have and would like to write.

My current WIP is almost done. I just have to finish writing more scene.

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

It’s very tame, so 1. I write my stories in order of events, if I don’t I get confused on what’s happen. I start by writing an outline, and then I write and I edit (multiple times) before I post.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

That I write what I want to. No comments can really influence the story (unless it’s a consistency thing) because I write the whole thing out before it’s posted.

40. How did you come up with the idea for [x fic]?

You can see this answer right here!

41. What’s your most popular fic (with the most notes on Tumblr, most hits/kudos on Ao3)?

My most popular fic based on hits: Somethings Are Meant to Be.

My most popular fic based on kudos: The Enjolras Guide to Weddings and Love.

42. Asker: pick three of the author’s works. Author: rank them 1 (the best) - 3 (the worst) based on whatever criteria you want - this could be something totally random that isn’t quality related ( like simply ranking fics based on how many trains appear in them) have fun!

I’m skipping this question!

43. Talk about a positive experience with fanfiction or the fanfiction community that you will always remember.

Every comment that I get, especially if I get it when I’m having a bad day, is like a little ray of sunshine for me. Again I’m not motivated by comments or feedback, but I can’t deny that receiving it is like a cherry on top of a delicious hot fudge sundae.

44. Ran about something writing related.

How long it takes to write. I wish I could just connect some sort of machine to my brain, and it would just churn out the words for my fics and they could be done a lot sooner. And that fanfiction could come before homework and life, but alas it can’t.

45. Fic specific questions - if you have any weird questions about specific works, here’s your shot to ask them!

Skipping this one, but if you have a question about any of my fics, my ask box is currently closed, but my DM’s are always open.

[sheehan-sidhe]

1. What's your favourite kind of fic to write.

Probably mutual pining but I've recently realised I have a knack for smut 🤭

2. What fic of your was the hardest to write?

Probably one of the hundreds I left unfinished. I'm undecided between "The Most Precious Thing In The Universe" (DW) and "As long as the sea is bound to wash upon the sand" (mdzs daemon au) which wasn't hard per se but so long it was still harrowing.

3. Which was the easiest?

Maybe one of my DW oneshots.

4. Favourite story you've ever written?

As long as the sea is bound to wash upon the sand, 100%.

5. Do you write from start to finish or do you hop around?

Start to finish. I might only draft some scenes if I fear I could get stuck on them or just I don't want to write them atm.

6. Have you ever deleted a published fic?

No.

7. What's the best writing advice you've ever received?

After you've written your chapter, copy it on a new sheet and type it all over again instead of just correcting it. It will improve 100%.

8. What's the worst?

Do people give bad advice? I think it depends on what works for you.

9. Have you ever collabed with a another writer?

Yes! We wrote a comic crackfic with final fantasy's characters. Soooo many years ago. It was hilarious.

10. How many WIPs do you have right now?

So. TECHNICALLY one, since I'm finishing writing "As long as the sea is bound to wash upon the sand". If we consider two fics I have on hiatus... then three. But I have like 6 plot bunnies running wildly in my head atm.

11. Story you are most proud of?

Maybe "I've hungered for your touch". My first smut. My first fic in English. And a lot of people liked it ❤

12. Favourite story of another author?

I'm going to be here all day!!! There is so many... I'll focus on mdzs fic since I've been reading those lately (bc you have NO idea of the number of fic I've read in my life). Beneath six layers of silk by darkredloveknot; Maybe you're the reason by clearpearls; no new age by everythingispoetry; Survival by jinko. And so much more. There are so many talented author out there 😭

13. Best review you've ever gotten?

"GUH. Excuse me while I compose myself.

... ok I’m good now.

WOW, this was amazing. You described LWJ’s headspace so vividly. And the praise kink *chef’s kiss* Incredible. 10/10. This part here:

Lan Wangji quivers at the praise. “Am I still good?”

BROKE me 🥺 I am SO WEAK for a Lan Zhan with a praise kink and this was so so good.

And Wei Wuxian was such a good dom. So sweet and gentle. He loves his husband so much 😭

Thank you for this lovely fic. And thank you also for contributing to the noble cause that is sub!bottom!LWJ."

By Milk_Tea_Fantasy on my fic "I've Hungered For Your Touch"

14. Worst review you ever gotten.

Every comment was out of love, so no it doesn't apply.

15. If you could write the sequel or prequel to a fic currently on AO3 other than your own, which fic would it be?

Listen. It's hard enough writing my own fics. Should I write someone else's? But of I could FORCE a writer to finish their own stories it would be "Maybe you're the Reason" by clearpearls, the "Yin and Yang" series by Milk_Tea_Fantasy, "Survival" and "Power Addict" by Jinko.

16. Do you reread your own stories?

Generally, no.

17. Do you want to be published some day?

First I should write something that is not fanfic.

18. Favourite character to write?

LAN WANGJI.

19. Least favourite character to write?

Maybe Jiang Cheng. I don't know.

20. Do you set yourself deadlines or goals?

Write everyday. One line is enough. But everyday.

21. Name three favourite fic writers.

@tierfal @jinkohhh @loquaciousquark

22. Is there a trope you've never written, but want to?

Omegaverse. Soulmate AU. Time Travel.

Listen, I've been back to the writing scene only recently. There's a lot of things I still need to write.

23. Is there a trope you will never write?

MPREG.

24. How long have you been a writer? I think I started when I was in middle school. I wrote occasionally up to 2010 more or less... 10 years of hiatus and now I'm back all thanks to The Untamed.

25. What/who are some influences on your writing?

Tierfal writing style, for sure. And all the bottom!sub!lwj I read shaped the way I write Lan Wangji.

26. Hardest part of writing?

Finding a way to make the sentences flow smoothly.

27. Easiest part of writing?

Is there an easy part? Deciding what should happen, probably.

28. Best part of writing a fic?

Seeing your vision coming to life.

29. Share the plot of a WIP you haven't published yet.

The Untamed/Mo Dao Zu Shi Daemon AU. Starting from the school days and questioning what can influence a Daemon settling in their final form. It's a drama retelling where the Daemons save the day. Featuring: pining Lan Wangji.

30. Tell us something unique that you bring to all your stories.

I... don't know? 😅

[lurkinmerkin]

So I’m doing some math (I’m terrible at it) but nonetheless, I did some thinking and then some subtraction and realized that it was in about 1998 that my family got a computer with Microsoft Windows installed along with a dial-up internet connection. And so this is technically my 20th anniversary of reading fanfic and being a part of internet fandom. I figured I should celebrate it a bit. 

I don’t remember the exact date or time or whatever, I can barely add or subtract, so June seems like a good in the middle of the year kind of time to recollect and think about what I’ve been doing with my life. Think about why I read so much, why I reblog things, why I am the way I am. 

This ask meme was written by @mabel-but-slytherin​ and I decided, I’ll just answer the whole damn thing. I’m sure absolutely no one is interested in this info but I don’t give a fuck. 20 goddamn years of my life in fandom, do you seriously think I give a fuck anymore? I don’t care about you or your eyes. I officially left the give a fuck building a long ass time ago.

If you have seen a fandom ask meme about being a lurker (which I was for a good ten years) or about reading fanfic instead of just writing fanfic, send it my way and I’ll answer it too. I have stories.

1. What was your first fic and could you stand to reread it today?

It was Thursday Night Routine and it’s readable but I find it a bit repetitive and out of character. Although, with Glee, how was I supposed to know who these people would become, lol. ;A;

2. What’s your most recent fic and how far do you think you’ve come?

My most recent was Vesper Lynde for the Spy fandom and I think I’ve grown as a writer but my characterization is still clumsy and my comedy isn’t as sharp. I think I was funnier before. I also have issues getting to the sex scene that I never had before. It drives me batty.

3. In your opinion, what’s your best fic?

The thoroughly depressing and out of nowhere for me fic, Ozma. That night was a eureka moment, it was bliss writing that fic. It flowed. I probably got the closest to american gothic and poetry with that fic--which is my usual goal when I do creative writing off the internet. 

4. In your opinion and without looking at any numbers, what’s your most popular fic?

So much of what I wrote was done anonymously before AO3 and Tumblr so it’s hard for me to say but I’m gonna guess Everybody’s Pickin’ Up on that Feline Beat because the cat!boi thing really slapped. Like people loooooved the cat!boi thing in 2010. 

5. Is there any fic that makes you super happy to reread and remember you wrote that?

Third is the One With the Treasure Chest. It has some issues but I still can’t believe I wrote it, like that was my third fanfic ever and it was a muppet babies’ orgy. I have no idea how I did it, :D

6. Is there any fic that makes you super embarrassed to reread and remember you wrote that?

Not really? I’m not embarrassed by what I write (I can’t be, I write weird shit), but I don’t necessarily want people to come up to me in real life and start describing my fic to me. Like I don’t want my realities to intersect. That’s what I’m really sure would embarrass me. 

7. What’s the fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

I’m not gonna finish it, like it’s not happening, but I kind of wish I had finished Look What You Made Me Do. I still noodle a about Sarah Plain and Tall Klaine story. I did a lot of research into Gilded era hair and fashions.

8. What’s the oldest (longest since last update) fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

Probably the epically awful and creepy Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a Match where Sandy and Karofsky kidnap and assault Kurt. I was fascinated by how absolutely horrific Sandy Ryerson was as a character. He’s the worst. I’m not doing a sequel though. I’m not.

9. Have you ever written for a fandom without watching/reading/playing the source material?

Read? Yes. Written? No. I don’t think I’m the best at characterization but I do feel a need for a basic grasp on it before I start writing anything. 

10. Have you ever written for a fandom without reading other fanfic for it?

I wrote Vesper Lynde before I read any of the fic which was probably a good thing because there are some really good fics out there that already cover the subject I did (and did it better). But I’m glad I wrote it anyway because I have so many feelings about Rayna and Susan.

11. Have you ever written a fic for a concept you know someone else has done before? How did it impact your writing process or feelings after posting?

I honestly don’t know so I’m going to say no. I have seen these stories after I wrote what I wrote and have thought, Oh I should have done that or why didn’t I think of that?, but I have never seen a fic beforehand and thought that I could do it better or different enough. I wrote fic in order to fill a gap of weird skullfuckery that was missing before I showed up. 

12. Have you ever written a fic and decided never to publish it? Why?

Yes. It was bad, I wrote myself into a corner and had no interest in fixing it. The writing felt dull and flat. If I post an unfinished work, I do it because I think the writing has merit. 

13. What’s the biggest change between your style when you started in fandom and today?

I write more original work now, I write poetry mostly nowadays. And fanfic I do write has been smaller vignette pieces, has had way less sex in it and minimal wacky shenanigans. I kind of want to go back to wacky shenanigans honestly.

14. What’s the biggest change in your taste between when you started in fandom and today?

I’m riding a girl swing this year so I’m way more interested in stories that involve cunnilingus and strap-ons, boob devotionals and short fingernails. I sort of got into that in the middle of my Glee career (the Golden Age) before swinging back to boys and their balls (the Modern Age). In this new Age, I’m back to ladies. 

15. Have you ever purposefully written one fandom/fic idea over another because you knew it’d be more popular?

I think I tried to do that once but then I failed because my niche is being an off-beat weird motherfucker, not popular. I thought that I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman would go awf but instead it fizzled. So I stuck with dickpunching.

16. Have you ever stopped writing a fic/for a fandom because it wasn’t receiving enough attention?

No. I didn’t really get a lot of attention outside my circle anyway.

17. In your opinion, what’s your most overrated fic?

I guess the Cat!Kurt fic? I think it’s a good story, I just think that I wrote some that were better.

18. What’s your most underrated fic?

And if the world runs out of lovers, my Blaine/Finn fic. I had a lot of fun with that one and I think I got some really funny lines in. 

19. If you had to pick one fic/scene/chapter of your work to describe your entire portfolio to a stranger, which would you pick?

I would say, They’re Both Just Full of Feelings, OK? which is a story were Puck and Mercedes get very drunk, complain about their homosexual tendencies and then motorboat each others tiddies. I feel like that about covers the gist of my aesthetic.

20. Have/Would you ever rewrite a fic? If yes, would you take the original down?

I am doing a slow ass sloow rewrite of As Needed, just some clean up of tense issues and little nudges here and there of some of the wording. And I will take down the original when I do that. It needs better grammar, it does.

21. If someone starts kudosing and commenting your fics in a spree and has a few works of their own, would you go look through theirs?

Yes. I love spying and I love other people’s bookmarks. I keep mine private because I’m a hypocrite and I don’t know how to make them public en masse. I am not doing that individually.

22. Has there ever been anyone who’s made you freak out because they read your work and followed/favorited/reviewed?

No, but I freak out at every follow/favorite/review regardless. There are people who I love love love but they aren’t in the fandoms I write in so I never expect to have an insane fangirl moment like that.

23. What’s the nicest review you’ve ever gotten?

When I wrote Ozma, someone on the kinkmeme said that it read like a contemporary short story and I was flattered!

24. What’s the meanest review you’ve ever gotten? Do you think the reviewer intended it?

25. What constructive criticism, however well-meaning, always makes you feel bad when you see it in a review?

Gosh, that’s tough. I’m gonna go with criticisms that question your intent? Like when someone goes, “Did you mean to say this or that?” but not because it makes me feel bad but more because it makes me feel like I didn’t get my point across clearly enough that the reader could make their own conclusions about what was happening. I am very much of the author is dead style and part of that is leaving enough there to satisfy the reader without giving it all away.

26. What aspect of your writing do you most enjoy to see praised?

My humor. I like it when people find me funny. I don’t feel like my humor makes sense a lot of the time. Also, when people say that they re-read my stories. That’s always a heart warmer.

27. If you could only ever write crossovers or single-fandom fics ever again, which would you pick?

I prefer single-fandom fics as a writer. Crossovers get messy for me, too many locations to choose from.

28. if you could only ever write for a single crossover or a single fandom again, which would you pick?

Schitt’s Creek. David/Patrick 4eva!

29. Does the division of your writing across fandoms line up with your reading? What’s the biggest discrepancy?

Absolutely not, LMAO! I have done way more reading than writing in any fandom. My participation is a pebble on a mountainside.

30. Do you continue to write for a fandom after you’ve moved on or do you focus solely on the new one?

I wrote Glee fic (and I am still working on As Needed) after I had moved on from the show but a lot of us did. My attention span allows me to multifandom.

31. Who’s the one character you’ve just never managed to get perfectly right?

Susan Cooper. She’s an enigma.

32. Who’s the one character who shines without you even trying?

Puck, I feel like I wrote a very solid Puck.

33. Is there any particular character whose scenes always wind up being longer/more frequent than you expected? Does the quality hold up?

I would guess Brittany but I don’t think the quality holds up. I liked writing Brittany but I don’t think I captured her essence.

34. Was there any fic that you wrote that really surprised you in the fandom reaction? Was it just by the numbers or did they take it an entirely different way?

I get a lot of requests for a sequel to Sex Bomb even to this day and it surprises me.

35. Have you ever written a ship into a fic without meaning to?

No, I was ready to write anyone with anyone in any fic. I love it.

36. Have you ever sincerely written a ship you do not support into a fic?

Don’t support? Well, I don’t support Kurt/Karofsky but I write non-con fic so...

37. Have you ever purposefully bashed a character/ship in a fic?

I would only in an in-character sense, like the character would be against that pairing because of the show dramatics. At least, that was always my intent.

38. Have you ever purposefully written something you know your readers would find uncomfortable/would not enjoy? If yes, why?

Because that’s how the glee_anon meme worked sometimes LOL. Sometimes, you gotta have the anal worm lay the eggs.

39. Do you consider yourself to have a readership?

Not anymore lol, if I ever did. I don’t write enough.

40. Do you feel like you put out enough content?

I peaked with the Muppet Babies’ orgy, that was my third fic. Everything else was gravy.

41. If you cross-post your fics on multiple sites, do you have a favorite? Are there certain fics you would only post on certain site?

I want all my fics on AO3 largely because I think livejournal is gonna die soon and tumblr is unsearchable and lacks a forum function. 

42. How many views has your most popular fic gotten?

(Based on AO3): Ozma at 28672 Hits

43. Your least popular?

(Based on AO3): There’s a Lobster Involved at 38 Hits

44. Do you follow/favorite/kudos/comment/review more stories than you have received?

Oh gosh, I never thought of it that way but I hope I at least kudos more than I’ve received! I don’t have that many bookmarks and I don’t review and I rarely comment (I’m more like to DM you) but I do leave kudos a lot.

45. If you had to call yourself an author of a single genre (besides fanfic) what label would you give yourself?

With my original works: poetry. With my fanfic works: absurdism

46. Do you consider yourself a diverse author?

Yeah, I think I covered a wide range of topics and styles along with a lot of different characters. I had humor, drama, horror, angst, slice of life, porn, I covered a lot of ground.

47. If someone you know in real life who isn’t involved in fandoms asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first?

NO.

48. Does anyone you know from outside of fandom know you write fanfic? Are they involved in the same fandom too?

Yes, they know and they were also Glee fans but not necessarily fanfic readers. Just how much they know will remain a mystery between us because they won’t tell me and I won’t ask them to tell me. I don’t need that knowledge and I don’t want it.

49. Has anyone in your life ever read your fanfic just because you wrote it?

NOT THAT I KNOW OF AND I DON’T WANT THEM TO TELL ME IF THEY DID. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.

50. Has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? Would you say it’s entirely positive?

I have an absolutely incredible circle of friends that I would not have had without fandom. So many people that I know out of fandom don’t spend as much time on the internet, they aren’t as easy to reach as my internet friends. You guys give me your time and your energy and that means so much to me. It really does. 

I wouldn’t say my time in fandom has been 100% positive. There are always downfalls to being in a large group. I have had my moments of internet drama, on anon trolling, and bad feelings. But my friends make it all worth it. You guys are the best.

[sariasprincy]

Another Writers’ Meme

I saw another blog do this last week and decided it looked like fun. And I love talking about myself.

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

I made this name so long ago. Like 10+ years. I made it in Middle School to a reference about Zelda (the character Saria) and it became a joke with a friend of mine (Saria’s Princy) and it stuck. I don’t know why.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/favourites, follows/subscriptions, visitor hits, kudos)

Nightmare in Red has to most reviews

Code Seventy-Seven has the most views

But I believe Within the Messages and Cold Case are a long standing favorite.

3. What is your FFnNet/AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

It’s Itachi. And it’s because I like Itachi and Surfacage ha

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

Yes! That would be @la-moonlight-lily @zutaras-where-its-at @nips-out-for-itachi @crimsonriley @heymessyjessie

On FF, there’s Key, parsimonia, WhiskeyBlair (so many names I recognize in the reviews)

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Everything written by Cynchick. 

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

Honestly I am so lazy with reading fic. I usually forget unless it comes across my dash.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

Modern!

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

On fanfiction, I’m on the favorites of 1124 and the alert of 951. Quite the number going! Thanks for the love!

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are 😨 of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

Dirty smut? ha

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

Writing complex plots without a whole bunch of plot holes.

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

ItaSaku is pretty popular I feel like. And MadaSaku is now becoming popular?? (at least in my circle). Does TobiSaku count as a rarepair? Cause that’s a new fav!

12. How many stories have you posted on FFNet/AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

Twenty-four. I deleted a lot of them when I disappeared for 4 years.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

Don’t even ask....I have about two dozen half-written ideas on Google Docs alone. I have no idea about Word. Has to be in the 100s. Many of which I will not write. 

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

If it’s something I think I’ll come back to I write it down. If it’s a passing fantasy, I enjoy and let it go. 

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

@beyondthemoor oh my darling. We’ve done a couple: Round Robin - ItaSakuShisui (Rated M) Gas Station - KisaIno (Fluff Friday)

16. How did you discover FFNet/AO3?

I joined FF in 2007. I have no idea about AO3. I think I googled a rarepair I came across the glory that is AO3

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on FFNet/AO3?

When I first started, no. But so many authors have left the fandom that I sometimes feel like I’m one of the only ones still writing ItaSaku ha.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers? 

Whores. Just kidding! Sorta.

Nah, I mostly call my reviewers wonderful people, cause for the most part, they are. 

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

I get inspired more by ideas. Silverfootsteps wrote a wonderful story called Eastern Suns that I am still raving about. That one inspired me. I do like to bounce ideas off a few other tumblrs, but my inspiration usually comes from every day things: grocery shopping, working out, out at dinner, etc.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Read, read, read. The best way to learn how to write is to read other’s writers’ work like a writer. Try to see what you like about their writing style, what you don’t like. Then incorporate that into your own. 

When I don’t know how to write something so it’s smooth and easy to follow (ie fight scenes, kissing, smut, etc) I read a handful of other people’s writing to see what worked for them and perhaps didn’t work. Then apply that towards my own work.

Plus it gives you time to step away from your own writing if you feel stuck. 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

Both. It usually starts out with writing as I go. But then I get ideas of scenes I would like to add later so I throw them into a document so I can go back and reference. 

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

One I remember was someone commenting on a MadaSaku story saying they “preferred NaruSaku”. Like okay?? Why are you here? Hahah.

I’ve also gotten a visit from g.o.d., which I found more funny than offensive. Usually I just ignore hate though. I’ve been writing long enough that I know when my work is good or not. Just shrug it off.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

FLUFF. I don’t know why. I hate cliches in writing. It makes me gag. So trying to write fluff that isn’t like that is difficult all the time sometimes. 

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

See my previous post for this answer ha.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

I usually try not to because then I get excited to just move on. But usually I plan on taking a break after completing a long story but before I even finish, I get another multi-chap fic idea and I’m like nooooo - let’s do it!

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

I used to just write as I felt like doing it, but then I would sometimes go two weeks without writing. So recently, I started a goal of writing at least one sentence a day (if not more). I even have an alarm set at 6pm every day, asking if I’ve written yet.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Hell yes. Omg, my first fics are horrible. Physically painful to write, dear lord.

28. What is your favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

Ink was a lot of fun, I’m Sorry for What I said... was not a favorite but it is growing on me now. Where it Happened because I feel like there are soooo few medical AUs. 

29. What is your least favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

Within the Messages/Cold Case. Neither one is very accurate. They make me cringe. The only reason they’re still up is because so many people seem to enjoy them.

30. Where do you 👀 yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Still trash.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

Imagining story ideas.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Writing.

33. Why do you write?

Because even after all the writing, rewriting, editing, cringing and rewriting, it’s still amazing to be able to share what you’ve created. And to hear how people enjoyed what you made feels good. Plus there is a deep sense of accomplishment when you finally write that final word: end

Tagging: @crimsonriley @la-moonlight-lily @littlebirdrobin and anyone else who wants to!!!

[thedeliverygod]

1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 16, 20, 28, 29, 37 for the ask fic meme!! :)

oh my god lol thank you

1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

fluff. flufffluffflufffluff. I just tend to write cutesy romantic things with some comedy thrown in. 

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

coffee shop au lol. I made Kairi work in a coffee shop in my post-canon story but an au based off of it, I haven’t really had any good inspiration. I guess it doesn’t help that I don’t actually like coffee hahah. but I do like the atmosphere in coffee shops regardless. 

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

uuuuhhh I mean I’ve somewhat played with the idea of a Kimi no na wa/Your Name AU especially because of @paperypiper‘s art lol but other than that I don’t think I have many ideas floating around.

5. Share one of your strengths.

dialogue. always dialogue lolol. 

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

idk if you’d even consider this prose but idk I feel like I just really nailed Sora’s feelings of growing older here in a way that’s relatable but also heavily tied into the canon storyline as well

‘I can’t believe Ariel and Eric are married and have a baby now. I mean… it’s probably been at least four years since I’ve seen them, so it shouldn’t be too surprising.’ He let out a small sigh, closing his eyes, ‘Everyone’s been moving forward while I’ve just been stuck in place. Wonder how long it’ll take before I manage to catch up?’

There was no doubt that he was making progress back at home, but he’d still missed so much and he was never going to get that time back. That was what bothered him the most. As for his friends on other worlds, he supposed he was going to have to get used to feeling like he’d missed out on a lot. The more time he spent at home was less time that he spent out on other worlds and vice versa.

He let out a small laugh to himself, ‘It’s funny. Time was probably the last thing on my mind just a few years ago. Now I can’t stop thinking about it.’ He flopped over onto his stomach, ‘Maybe once I get used to “boring” life back at home again, time will go slower. Like what Donald was talking about.’

He hoped so.

Pushing himself back off the bed, he stood up and moved to the window. Sliding it open, he closed his eyes and inhaled, listening to the sounds of the ocean and the seagulls flying above as he remembered the words Riku said in the realm of darkness, ‘At least the waves sound the same.’

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

ooooh boy this one’s gonna be hard…

I think I’m gonna with this drabble where I sort of came up with the back story for the little table that block’s out Yukine’s light so Yato can sleep. I rarely like going back and “adding” scenes to canon but for some reason this one just felt right. And Yato hit me in the feels even though I wrote it myself lol.

Yukine inhaled sharply and felt his face start to get warm, “You more than any one should appreciate that, Yato. I’m trying to make up for everything I did but it won’t mean much if I have a master who goes around and does the same shit.”

Yato lowered the pillow, mumbling, “I get the point.” He picked it up and placed it back under his head, “And I do appreciate it.”

“But you won’t change.” The regalia turned over, his back to Yato.

“I’m trying.” He answered quietly, more to himself than to Yukine, “I really am.” After a minute of staring up at the ceiling, Yato finally slipped out from underneath his blanket and moved to the corner of the room.

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

I Can’t Quit You is really hard for me because of the nsfw content lol. But also Good Enough and I Can Barely Say have both had their difficult moments because I’m not always too familiar with the situations and feelings related to them that I write. Good Enough I also tried to do a lot of research about life/school/etc in Japan to make sure I can give somewhat of a sense of authenticity but I’m sure there’s some inaccuracies still. 

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write?

lol tbh I don’t think it’s ever easy. but Somewhere In Between, I somehow managed to crank out 15k words in 3 days which is more than I’ve like ever done in my life so I guess I’ll say that one.

16. If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?

yatori has taken over my life and I’m fine with that. The growth of their relationship and their familial roles with Yukine are just too pure and I love everything about them. 

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions.

being A L O N E (which hardly ever happens these days which is why I’m struggling), not having any responsibilities for at least a few hours (another thing that’s hard to come by these days), and a nice warm, sunny day. sometimes I’ll sit outside and write but sometimes it’s just nice to know that it’s nice outside lol. I often put on an old nostalgic movie to have on in the background as well. sometime i’ll do music, sometimes not.

28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

@scarfblogs is amazing in everything; dialogue, description, ideas; everything is so good I cannot. also the best person I love her

@thatsnicebutimmarried‘s writing is just so whimsical and humorous and foidsjfsf. major inspiration for years and so glad to know her/that we reconnected through tumblr 

@hafuriyuki captures Yukine to perfection in both fanfics and RPs, but other characters as well. I always get hella excited when I see alerts from AO3 for updates because Nana’s works just always make me feel warm and fuzzy or left on the edge of my seat. 

29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

okay realll talk idk if I would trust myself to do or not but one of my favorite unfinished stories is Simple and Clean by Candy-Mog. It’s probably one of the most re-read fanfics of my life lol. This was back in the day before Kingdom Hearts II, there were so many good fics that tbh canon KH2 was a bit of a let down lmao. but mannnn I loved this fic to pieces so if I had to choose one, it would be this one. 

37. Talk about your current wips.

just the 2 which you guys know about. The titanic AU I’m writing for the noragami big bang and the one based off “Quit” by Cashmere Cat ft. Ariana Grande. 1st is going to be more of a collection than a cohesive chapter-ed fanfic, 2nd is basically a smut fic with some feels and it’s going to take forever to write because I’m not too great at writing such things yet lol.

[klaineanummel]

Story of My Life 13/24

Kurt reflects on the past twelve years of his life, coming to realize that one man in particular has affected him far more than he ever thought he would 

Well, here I am, filling @klaineadvent‘s prompt 13 on day 16 (very early in the morning on day 16, but still). I'm hoping to catch up on this fic this weekend, but don't hold me to that too hard. Sorry it's coming so late! Hope you enjoy nonetheless <3 no real warnings for this one, other than a brief mention of Kurt/Cody.

Attachment   |   Bucket |    Collapse   |   Drink   |   Example   |   Fraction   |   Genuine   |   Health   |   Inch   |   Judgement  |   Key   |

Read on AO3

April 23rd, 2018

Kurt arrives at Sam and Mercedes apartment just as Blaine is being buzzed in. Blaine catches sight of him and holds the door open, giving him a slightly forced smile.

“Hey,” Kurt greets, trying to sound casual. “So, they, uh. Called you, too?”

Blaine nods, walking into the building once Kurt walks through the door. “Must be pretty big news.” They walk toward the elevator together, both reaching for the button at the same time. Their hands brush, and Blaine instantly draws back, as though burned. Kurt winces, but presses the button, shoving his hands into his pockets as soon as he has. “Uh,” Blaine clears his throat. “Do you think she’s pregnant? I mean, that would warrant asking everyone to come over, right?”

Kurt shakes his head instantly. “No way would Mercedes be pregnant before getting married. No, this is an engagement announcement for sure.”

Blaine licks his lips. “You, uh, wanna put money on that?”

Kurt raises an eyebrow, but nods. “Ten bucks?”

“You’re on.”

They shake hands as the elevator opens, then step inside, Kurt pressing the button for the 8th floor.

Silence takes over the elevator as it starts up, and Kurt hates it. He glances over at Blaine, who seems to be making a purposeful effort not to look at Kurt.

“So, Freshman year officially done, huh?” Blaine turns to him, that forced smile coming back to his face.

“Yeah, yeah. Just had my last exam yesterday, actually.”

“Cool,” Kurt nods. “Any plans for the summer?”

Blaine shrugs. “Well, Sam said he could hook me up with a job at the Spotlight Diner, but that would require I find a place to live. Kitty said one of her roommates is going back for a couple of weeks, so she has an extra bed in her apartment until the second week of May, but after that who knows. Two weeks isn’t that much time to look for an apartment in this city.” He shrugs again, holding his shoulders up for a few seconds. “I might just go home. I mean, I’m sure Sam could always get me that job at the diner when I get back, right?”

“I’m sure he’d get you that job whenever,” Kurt assures, knowing it to be true. As General Manager, Sam was pretty much the ultimate authority of the diner. The only person with more power than him was the owner, who apparently showed very little interest in the restaurant anyway. “But, uh, you know that Tina’s work is sending her to Seattle for the summer, so we’ll have an empty room, too. In case you need more time after Kitty’s roommate gets back.”

The elevator doors open and they step out together, Blaine wincing as he says, “I don’t really think that’s the best idea. You know, you and me living together.”

Kurt presses his lips together, trying not to show how much those words hurt him.

He knows that Blaine is right, though. Things have been weird between them ever since New Year’s, and the end to the weirdness doesn’t seem to be anywhere in sight.

Kurt thought things would be okay after Blaine showed up at his apartment on January 2nd, a bouquet of purple hyacinths and yellow roses in hand, blushing and holding them out to Kurt. Kurt was about to refuse them, not wanting to encourage any more miscommunication between himself and Blaine, but Blaine quickly explained, “Purple hyacinths stand for apology. You know, for kissing you without asking you, and then yelling at you when you rejected another kiss. The yellow roses are for friendship, which is all that I am interested in sharing with you from this point forward.”

Kurt accepted the apology, then awkwardly issued one of his own. “I realized that you were right. I haven’t been fair to you, and I haven’t made my intentions clear enough. I knew how you felt, but I didn’t discourage your feelings. I’m truly sorry, Blaine.”

They’d hugged, and then Blaine left for class.

That was the last time they were alone together until five minutes ago.

“I guess you’re right,” Kurt murmurs as they watch up to Sam and Mercedes’s apartment. “I just, you know. Thought I’d throw it out there.”

“I appreciate it,” Blaine says, ringing the doorbell. “And it’s nothing against you. Obviously, you know that I –” he looks down, blush coloring his cheeks. “It’s not a good idea, that’s all.”

“No, I get it.”

Blaine finally gives him a real smile, a thankful smile, and Kurt can’t help but smile back.

The door opens, Mercedes grinning at both of them. “Oh, good,” she says, eyes flicking between them. “Kurt, I’m glad you’re here, too. You’re the last two to arrive.”

“Great, so we don’t have to wait any longer for the big announcement?” Blaine asks, stepping in to give Mercedes a hug. When they part, Kurt takes his place, hugging her tight.

She whispers, “We will be having words about you two arriving together,” into his ear, then pulls away and says, louder, “Yes, no waiting period for you two. Better come in, though, because I think Cooper may actually be going crazy.”

Kurt glances down at her hand, frowning when he doesn’t see a ring. He glances over at Blaine, who meets his gaze, then very purposefully looks down to her ring-less finger. When he meets Kurt’s eye again, he raises his eyebrows a couple of times.

The three make their way to the living room, where the rest of their friends are already gathered. Sam stands up off the couch, and Cooper, Rachel, and Tina all lean forward expectantly. Quinn doesn’t move from her spot next to Cooper, though the interest is painted clear as day in her eyes.

Kurt and Blaine walk around her and Sam, though remain standing, watching them with as much interest as everybody else.

“Okay, so,” Mercedes claps her hands together, and Sam wraps his arm around her shoulders. “Obviously we’ve called you here because Sam and I have huge news.”

She looks up at Sam, who nods. They wait a beat, clearly enjoying driving their friends crazy.

Finally, Sam says, “So, Mercedes and I bought the Spotlight Diner.”

Kurt’s eyes widen in surprise, and Rachel instantly shouts, “What?!”

“Gunther wasn’t really into it anymore,” Sam begins to explain. “He admitted to me that he would be willing to lower his income significantly if it also meant getting rid of the stress of owning a business. Mercedes and I talked about it, and then we talked to our parents, and we agreed that this was the right move for us.”

“Pause,” Rachel stands up, hands extended palm-out. “Right move or not, you’re talking about purchasing a business on Broadway. Like, Broadway. There is no way you got it for less than a million dollars, and that’s the absolute lowest I can see a business like that going for.”

“Oh, it will definitely be more than that when all is said and done,” Mercedes says. “But we’ve worked out a deal with Gunther. Although the diner does technically belong to us now, he still owns half the shares of the place. We’re planning on completely buying him out eventually. Based on how much the diner currently makes, we should be able to do it within five years.”

“I can’t believe this,” Cooper says, sitting back on the couch, eyes almost vacant at the news. “And here we were thinking you were going to tell us you were engaged.”

“Or pregnant,” Blaine pipes up.

“Oh,” Sam and Mercedes glance at each other, and then say, “Yeah, we almost forgot,” and then, as if it’s nothing, Mercedes pulls at a chain around her neck, lifting a gorgeous ring out of her cleavage.

“Shut up,” Tina stands up and rushes forward. “You’re engaged and you lead with the business thing?!”

“It seemed like a bigger life decision!” Mercedes laughs as Tina picks up the ring. “We have been together for almost ten years, you know.”

“Exactly, which is why you being engaged is such a big deal!” Kurt says, hurrying forward and pushing Tina out of the way, wrapping Mercedes up in another hug. “I’m so happy for you guys.”

“Thanks, babe,” Mercedes replies, squeezing him tight. “Really, though, this was supposed to be about the diner.”

“Oh, my god,” Cooper says. “How is your life so put-together? Fucking getting engaged and buying a business together at the same time. What’s next, you buying this apartment, too? You pregnant?”

“No,” Mercedes shakes her head quickly. “No, we will definitely not be having children until there are wedding rings on our fingers.”

Kurt looks over at Blaine and winks, mouthing, “I told you,” which just makes Blaine roll his eyes and shake his head.

“Okay, well,” Tina pushes Kurt back out of the way and says, “Regardless of what the announcement was meant to be, I think that we should all cancel any evening plans we have and celebrate Sam and Mercedes officially winning at being adults.”

Everyone agrees, and soon they’re all on their phones to cancel plans, or in Quinn’s case, to order an unholy amount of Chinese food.

“We should get champagne,” Rachel suggests, and soon after that she and Cooper are leaving to pick some up from the bodega down the street.

Kurt is just typing out a text message to Cody when Blaine comes up to him and says, “Guess I owe you ten dollars, huh.”

Kurt locks his phone, message unfinished and unsent, and replies, “Let this be a lesson to you. Never bet on knowing Mercedes Jones more than me. Not even Sam could beat me on that.”

“I highly doubt the last part, but point taken.” He glances down at Kurt’s phone in his hands and says, “You should finish that text. I’m sure Cody will want to know what’s going on.”

Kurt flushes a little at the mention of his boyfriend, but smiles at Blaine hesitantly, unlocking his phone quickly. Blaine smiles as well, then wanders off to talk to Mercedes and Sam. Kurt watches him for a moment, eyes misting over slightly.  

Maybe the weirdness does have an end in sight after all.

Part Fourteen: Nose

[fool-errant]

Ask a Writer

I got tagged by @rabbitkinder

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

Well my studio handle is Foolish Mortal - but someone’s been sitting on that username since dirt. So I went with fool-errant - like knight errant but stupider. The fool part is obvious - and errant means alternatively “straying from proper course or standards” and “traveling in search of adventure” - which I felt summed up thing pretty decent. My handle on FFnet and AO3 is NoCapes - cause I wanted to make sure thatif you looked up my website for art - you didn’t accidentally stumble on TF2 slash. That name comes from the fact I have a little Edna Mode figure sitting on my computer monitor that caught my eye at the time I was looking for a name. 

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/favorites, follows/subscriptions, visitor hits, kudos)

Erm - well I only have ze one main fic online these day. My long suffering TF2 fic Smoke Gets in Your Eyes. Though even compared to the long lost junk I wrote in high school - its still got the most feedback.

3. What is your FFnNet/AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

I’m not sure I ever got an icon on those accounts. I just never got aroundto it. 

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

I honestly love all commenters. I have a few regulars who became buds of mine that I love. Also anyone that ends up making something in reaction to my writing is special to me. 

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Not really. I’m a horrible person. I also have a mind that retains little details, so I am the sort that reads something once and can remember it clearly later. 

I DO have a few genre/ tropes I like to revisit reading wise. One is Lavellen/Cullen from Dragon Age. Another one I binge hit recently is anything about Finn from Star Wars needing and receiving hugs and people (mainly Poe) supporting him. And Princess Leia shows up to remind people to take care of themselves and Storm Pilot snuggles ever after.  

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

Uh...I’m honestly not sure. I squirrel away bookmarks and forget about them later. I have a couple in progress stories I subscribe to. 

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

I really don’t do AUs - unless you count the gag bit I wrote where Spy and FemSpy are the parents of Carmen Sandiego.  I tend to feel people are the products of their settings and removing them from that takes a lot of their traits away. Though that’s my opinion and I’m never going to tell anyone they can’t or shouldn’t go write and enjoy their own thing. 

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

Welp on AO3: Bookmarks:74  Subscriptions:77

Here on Tumbles: 268

on FFnet - I can not make heads or tales of that one. Though I seem to have a couple of folks in South Africa reading - which is cool. 

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

.....*Maniacal laughter*  I deal with chronic depression and anxiety. So I have a very large list of things I WANT to do but don’t. A lot of it is due to the fear of judging - and a lot of “no one wants this - what is the point?”  

I had an original concept involving airship pirates - colonialism - and the main lead was a trans pan sexual in a setting that didn’t have words or play book for hat sort of thing. The story wasn’t ABOUT the fact the lead was the way they were, it was just aside thing. But I scrapped it cause I figured no one wanted it - it was stranger and I didn’t want people coming out of the woodwork telling me I didn’t have a right to do that or that I wrote the lead wrong.  

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I have long ago accepted my inability to porn well.  I’d love to be better with my updates. But as mentioned earlier I deal with depression - so my brain meats aren’t the most efficient at cranking out things in a timely manner.  Also replyingto comments/ social media shit. I am awful at. 

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

I guess Rarepairs...I suppose. 

12. How many stories have you posted on FFNet/AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

Three/four - one large chapter monster and lots of little drabbles that sort of grew around it. 

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

*cough* Lots

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

...Depends on how long the story idea bugs me, how complicated the idea is and if I intend to do anything with it.  

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Not exactly. A bud of mine and me in high school triedto do that but gave up. Now a days I just co author smutty bits with someone else cause I am no good at those on my own.

16. How did you discover FFNet/AO3?

I knew about FF.net before the great PornPurge. I am not even sure HOW I found them. Probably just wandering the net as a young impressionable nerd. I also used to deal with webrings if you want to guess how old I am. 

AO3 I...think I heard about on tumblr, or I had a friend or two metion them tome when I started writing fic again seriously. 

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on FFNet/AO3?

No. I always end up baffled to find out people have read or remember anything I’d worked on. 

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

Not really? What?

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

Not to my knowledge - I think there was a quote about art that I picked up via Ted Naifeh about how you have to get through 1000 bad drawings to get to the good ones. That tends to stick in my mind about  writing or anything I’m trying my hand at. 

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

I don’t have much for writing - but creating things in general. When I started doing art in high school the forums I hung out on always had the reminder, “There will always be someone better than you. But you will always be better than someone else.” Write as things come to mind. You don’t have to write in sequential order - you can edit that later. Don’t worry if things come out rough and ugly in your first drafts, things can get polished later. Write what you want, not what you think others will want. Also to paraphrase Dr Suess - if you draw a monster with three heads, be sure to give it three toothbrushes. Keep details in mind when building a world/ scenario.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

I have a rough skeleton or shape I start with - when I start writing it all out things start getting filled in - or changed from the original plan cause something better came up. 

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

Occasionally I would get folks complaining about “the slow bits” where it’s just banter - or folks getting snotty about the lack of sex scenes, but generally nothing “bad” just antsy. 

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

SMUT - I’m a poor little ace robot. My brain doesn’t quite know what to do with smut scenes. Where do hands go? What do they do? People do what? Don’t they know what comes out of those places? EVERYONE NEEDS TO WASH THEIR HANDS.  I don’t cut the scenes since I know it’s a thing people do- and it feels disingenuous to have violence in a story and then get all fiddly when sex shows up. So I have cucu help me out - and have lots of feedback from other folks as we muddle along. 

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

Still working on Smoke as I can and trying to flesh out an original concept, which is sort of a post apocalyptic noir,

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

YEP 

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

Not DAILY - but I do try to make myself add 500 words to what I’m working on when I do sit down to write. 

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Thankfully 

28. What is your favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

I dunno - I mean I don’t have much going on right now that’s eaten my time and attention as much as Smoke Gets in Your Eyes has. 

29. What is your least favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

Nothing that I’ve left out in public. I cleared out my old writing archives ages ago and I tend not to let myself look back. 

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

I don’t actually know. I rarely consider myself a writer. I am an artist - I went to school for art and drawing. I just sort of accidentally picked writing back up. 

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

Planning - Conceptualizing. The early stages when everything is still nebulous and nothing is forced into words. 

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Putting things into words. Also the whole “creating things to toss into the void” sensation.

33. Why do you write?

Because my brain sort of will keep daisy chaining ideas and building stories with or without my permission. So focusing on them - writing them and getting them out on paper for others to look at seems the only real solution.  Also cause my friends got sick of my being like “so hypothetically - if blah and blah happened - you think such and such would shake out of that?” 

I taaaag @fat-mabari @vkiera @prinxvariety

Cheers!

[cupkayke]

For the fanfiction questions thing: 1, 3, 6, 11, 17, 21, 25, 27, 36, 40, 41, 46, 50 and 51 (I hope these aren't too many)

 Not too many at all! I like talking about myself lol.

Under a cut because longggggg.

1) What was the first fandom you got involved in?

Oh gosh, definitely Tokyo Mew Mew. I never wrote fanfics for it but I co-owned and then owned an Avidgamers RP site for TMM called MewUSA back in like 2004-2006. Avidgamers was a forum site engine that was pretty damn nice for its time (also FREE, that was a plus) and I spent HOURS creating characters, storylines, and layouts for it. There were TONS of individual in-character boards and I think we may have had up to 100 unique users at one point. The detailed characters/plotlines were BASICALLY fanfiction- I think I did an entire rp with myself between a few of my characters once- and it was a whole lot of fun. Some of the OCs from that site were repurposed into a longrunning rp I have with @liarino on AIM and I am FOREVER grateful that I met them through that site

Fanfic-wise, it was Full Metal Alchemist. I had a horrendous LITERAL self-insert OC fic called ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ that was based on an RP I did with a different friend. Plot? ‘Fangirl of FMA LITERALLY FALLS INTO HER TELEVISION AND WAKES UP IN THE UNIVERSE AND FALLS IN LOVE WITH ALPHONSE’. The end. I never finished it but holy shitballs it got SO MANY REVIEWS. I’m surprised how many people actually enjoyed it- I did get some criticisms but despite the fact that it was so cringe-worthy that I took it down it still got sooooo much positive feedback. I sometimes wonder if people would still be reading it on ff.net if I hadn’t taken it down the last time I overhauled that account. I still have some Ouran oneshots on there that I wrote TEN FUCKING YEARS AGO that still get reviews. Dayum. 

3) What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

I have to say it’s a tie between the Tokyo Mew Mew fandom circa 2003-2006 and the Ouran fandom from about 2006-2008. My experience with them was limited to RP boards but I had the MOST FUN running MewUSA and a long-running Gaia RP ‘Hosting the Hosts’ because of the warm response to the concepts. The TMM fandom especially was super creative even back in the day- there were so many fan mew mews because the formula was so easy and that was one series that I didn’t mind OCs because the concept was easily applied. In-universe, the creator could have easily made more Mew Mews. So the possibilities were endless. That’s also the fandom I learned the majority of my writing skills from, even if I did get called out a couple times for shitty RPing. I got better and I was so sad when the engine finally kicked the bucket. Aside from the RP sites the TMM fandom had sooooo many fansites dedicated to the show- my other favorite being Neko Tokyo. I think that site might still be up… 

Ouran was limited to that RP I ran but damn I never had one so fun. That group of writers was hysterical and I actually met one of them in person because by sheer coincidence she lived near me. She moved soon after we figured it out but she came back for a convention and we hung out all weekend. Unfortunately I don’t remember her name and I lost her phone number T_T I wonder where she is sometimes. I wonder where a lot of my fan friends from back then are. The problem with early 2000s internet.

Tho I think Boueibu will be my new modern fave fandom.

6) List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

 Ohhhh dear. I’ll keep it to ones that I actually ship characters in because a lot of my early fandoms were MYSELF AS AN OC X HOT MALE CHARACTER. OTL. I was a weeb. Most of these are fandoms I’ve rped in rather than written fanfiction for, however.

Tokyo Mew Mew- PuddingxTart. I like to read IchigoxKisshu fanfics sometimes but that ship is highly problematic looking back on it lol

Code Lyoko - THROWBACK. JeremiexAelita. Adorable.

Ouran HSHC - I’m fond of HunnyxHaruhi (as evidenced by my mostly abandoned ff.net account) but basically AnyonexHaruhi is super cute. I think I read a fic once where Haruhi was in a relationship with ALL of the guys and it was actually super interesting. I don’t think I can find it again, tho.

Harry Potter - Drarry.

Walking Dead - CarolxDaryl FTW. and Richonne. I’ve toyed with the idea of writing fanfics for WD but never quite get up to it.

Mass Effect - Shakarian. Fuck yes. Fun fact I have an unfinished smutfic on the mass effect kinkmeme livejournal that I will EVENTUALLY FINISH ONE DAY AND PUBLISH UNDER MY NAME buuuut for now it will remain an anonymous abandoned fic.

Boueibu - …All of them? OTL I can’t pick one ship… tho if you force me… IoRyuu and BeppuMoto OT3.

YOI - I think everyone’s OTP is Victuuri.

11) Who is your current OTP?

Victuuri.

17)  Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?

Since Boueibu is my current fandom- I immediately was drawn to Enatsu since s1 had a relatively large focus on them but I’ve kind of fallen out of actively shipping them. I like them as a couple and I think they’re def boyfriends material but they’re definitely a comfortable ship. Their personalities are just… drama-free, so their relationship to me just seems like a quiet background relationship. IoRyuu is a little more volatile and I really like ships where there is a lot of between-the-lines interpretation and potential for conflict. Also I just really like the Beppus

21) What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The aformentioned ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ FMA OC Mary Sue Self insert fic. Definitely the first one I ever published on the interwebs. Although I think TECHNICALLY my very first one was a Pokemon story that I was writing for a little kid neighbor of mine back when I was like… 11. I think I had just gotten a computer in my room and I remember typing it up and drawing some cover art for it… it was basically an expanded version of the episode where Meowth and Pikachu were handcuffed together or something… except there were more Pokemon involved and ALL of the characters were friends. Like Brock and Tracey were both with Ash and Misty and all of the Team Rocket people were friends for some reason. Idk I was a weird child.

Ohhh maybe a tie for the FMA fic was a Code Lyoko one I wrote around the same time called ‘Desert Rose’. I can’t remember now which was published first because I deleted them all. Another Mary Sue OC fic but I actually am still kind of proud of how I expanded the Lyoko universe in my head. I came up with new areas to Lyoko and like a central region and how they all connected. Nevermind the fact that the girl with a CAT THAT COULD OPERATE THE COMPUTER was the main character and obviously I shipped her with Odd because YumiUlrich and JeremieAeilita were OTPs. It was weird.

25) What’s your most popular fanfic?

If the story was still up it might have been ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ because that fic still haunts me. Buuut it’s either ‘Naptime’ or ‘Desire’, one of my two Hunny x Haruhi fics from my Ouran days that I left up on ff.net for posterity. I have no desire to go read the cringe and find out which one has more hits but I bet it’s the G-rated ‘Naptime’ cuz ‘Desire’ is a) the first M rated Hunny x Haruhi fic on ff.net EVER and b) really really bad porn written by like, 16-year-old me. Oops. It’s a smidgen OOC on the part of Haruhi if I remember right buuut I actually still stand by the idea that Hunny is not as childlike as he seems.

Oh dear maybe that’s why I like Yumoto so much. Similar character type. OTL

27) What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries?

I feel like I’m horrendous at both but lately it’s titles that are giving me trouble. 2 of the 3 Boueibu fics I’ve written had different working titles that got changed the second the story went up to be published. I’m having a brain fart and can’t remember them but both ‘All the Pretty Little Horses’ and ‘Completely’ were titled something really stupid. And your giftfic was ‘?’ until I decided on the central theme lol.

36) What’s your favourite genre to write?

I don’t like reading romance novels but I love writing shippy stuff. Tension, build….smut

40)  What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

Pacing in longer works, definitely. Also just… keeping up with it. I am a horrible procrastinator and if I don’t actually have a deadline with external consequences then I never get anything done. I can’t set my own deadlines because I can always move them. I can’t get my family or friends to set them for me because I know they’ll forgive me if I fail (how horrible lol). I have tons upon tons of unfinished fics from fandoms past sitting somewhere in the depths of my word documents folder and about as many original short stories. I have so many ideas but because I get easily distracted and also because I am now working full time and suffer from typical adult exhaustion I can only put a fraction of them on paper. 

My inner critic is also a fucking bitch. I can’t get her to shut her face long enough to write a sentence sometimes. Again, I have to have a deadline looming before I can put her on mute most times. If I have infinite time, she doesn’t shut up and makes me rewrite a sentence 100 times because it sounds stupid.

41) List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

Ahahahaha… I don’t have 5 simultaneously because I can’t just… not finish reading something before moving onto the next one. I don’t also read things that are unfinished unless they sound REALLY interesting because I’m stupid impatient. But I guess for my current fandom (Boueibu) I’ll link 5 fics I read recently that I liked! 

1) Pink Blood - @magiccatprincess (okay actually this is one I’m going to read soon because it looked interesting… so it fits the question lol)

2) tuesdays - @vagarius (because how can I not love something written for me?

3) Liar - BlackJoker77 (A whoooole lot accomplished here in not a lot of words. Also, Yumoto character study/reading between the lines? Yush.)

4) ….. ok I ran out of ideas. I don’t bookmark anything OTL. I’ll come back to this question at another time with an ACTUAL answer.

46) If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

I’m most proud of ‘Completely’ at the moment- I really like how I pulled off Ryuu’s voice and it’s most definitely a scene I wanted to see written… so I’m happy that I was able to provide that scene

50) How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

It was basically an extention of RPing for the writing portion of it- ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ was basically a cleaned up RP and when it wasn’t rping it was fan gratification for the other early fics I did. As a kid I used to (and still sometimes do) make up stories in my head when I was about to go to sleep, and a lot of them were episodes of my favorite shows that I wanted to see. So I’d put some of them on paper. And then it moved into the ~romance~ category; I was a hopeless romantic as a teenager and like a lot of teenage girls I was kind of horny so fanfiction was a way to explore my sexuality in the comfort of my own head, basically. I still like me a good smutfic and bonus points if it’s romantic AND smutty. My bf can definitely tell when I’ve been reading something naughty….

51) Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

Okay, Imma do both! And I have 2 things to rant about because I can’t shut up.

Rant: This is more of a thing that I hate about MYSELF reading fanfics, but I hate that I get turned off of fics so quickly because of writing style. When I can push past beginners writing mistakes or mediocre quality writing I can sometimes find gem fics with plots/characterizations I find adorable, but more often than not I click out of fics after just a few sentences because I can’t stand poor writing. And I feel so elitist about it! Fanfics are free, fan-generated content. A lot of fanfics are written by kids or beginner writers. I have to keep reminding myself that not every fanfic author has gone to school for writing. They may not know the conventions of literature. They may not realize that they’re head-hopping in the middle of paragraphs. They may not know the proper way to punctuate dialogue (and I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW until grad school!!!!). If I let mistakes get in the way of content I may miss out on an up and coming writer. And lord knows I was horrendous when I first started. Everyone starts somewhere. I hate that it takes me so long to get out of teacher/writing student mode and truck through some writing that may not technically be the best but their heart is in the right place. 

Rant2: I don’t like how isolated fanfiction can feel sometimes. It seems like people don’t comment on fics as much as they used to, and I see these posts going around on tumblr about how authors LOOOOOVE comments and want more of them but then comments just… don’t appear. It’s not so hard to post one thing you really liked about the story, and even one thing you didn’t like. Comments help authors grow.I also don’t like how it’s so hard to find a beta reader or three to bounce ideas off of and proofread your work.

Gush: I love communities. I love the events fanfic authors put together. I love how when communities get tight-knit how everyone builds each other up and gives one another ideas. I just love fanfiction in general, really

aaaaaand SHEW. That was a lot. BUT DEF NOT TOO MUCH