#my favourite time of year to be a phannie

[foreverdjh]

and just like that … fourteen years gone by

19th october, 2009. the day that started it all. the day two people met and changed their lives forever, and changed the lives of millions in the process. happy 19th<3

[blossoms-phan]

signing up for phannie twitter in a trench coat was not on my to do list today but i need y’all to know this is just for the enrichment like sure I guess but tumblr is my number one girl and so are all of you on here <3

[pseudophan]

some post wad weekend thoughts...

i just wrote all this on the plane and haven't read it through so apologies for any mistakes

first of all, this weekend was incredible. i usually just kinda sit at home doing not much of anything, and this was a much needed break to actually have some fun. london in general always lifts my spirits but i suppose that danisnotonfire guy contributed a little as well.

guys i think i've met more people the past few days than i otherwise have in years. like. holy shit. i started listing people but i'm petrified i'll forget someone so i chickened out, sorry about that. but you all know who you are. i've met friends i've had for years, people i used to know but haven't spoken to in what feels like a decade, newer friends, and a frankly baffling amount of people i didn't know yet but who told me they've followed me for ages. like holy fuck you guys lmao what the hell??? and i mean did the reaction ever get old no of course it didn't. bad for my ego i'm sure but totally worth it. there's something very amusing and incredibly surreal about being chronically lame in most aspects of life and then suddenly finding yourself in an environment where you're kinda cool???? SO fucking fun oh my god, but also i do kinda feel like i've tricked you all? but hey i'll happily let you keep believing i'm cool, that is more than fine with me.

most importantly though everyone was SO lovely. like i said i don't think i've spoken to this many people in such a short amount of time in years and every single person i talked to was awesome. guys did you know phannies are kind of great... don't tell anyone but, lowkey... everyone is so funny and cool and absolutely insane but in a good way (shoutout everyone left at the gates until the very end, we should probably get some help).

and then lastly of course, mr howell himself. i talk about this a lot i feel like but fuck me that man was born to perform. whether you think he's actually funny or not, nobody can argue he doesn't absolutely thrive on a stage. he plays off the audience so well and he's so very obviously having the time of his fucking life. i'd already seen the show twice before this, and i didn't think anything would top the previous london show but man... the first night he came back out after the show having clearly been tearing up backstage, apologising for being an inconsistent absent parent, and i can't lie the "i had daddy issues and THEN i subscribed to dan howell" got me cause yeah no literally dude, you nailed it, exactly, well done. i think something about doing this show again, his magnum opus as he considers it, now after the dapg return was very special to him. he seems genuinely surprised that so many of us were ready to just jump back in like nothing happened, i don't think he was expecting so many people to still be waiting and it's... man. he comes off so grateful for us all and it's so fucking sweet. and then on the last night, i think that was my favourite, when the show ended and he got the standing ovation and people throwing him flowers.. he was so HAPPY. and clearly overwhelmed with emotion which, i gotta say, there is something honestly kinda funny about daniel howell standing in front of you trying not to cry. like no by all means dude go ahead, please, you've made me cry an endless amount of times it's only fair.

ugh. i'm proud of him or whatever. dick. and i'm proud of our ridiculous fucking community. i'm not sure what 14 year old nora would say if you'd told me i'd still be kicking it in the phandom a decade on, but at almost 25 (fml) i'm so so happy to be here still. you know, we get a bad rep, but i genuinely think as far as fanbases go we're pretty solid. and i love you all so much.

i believe i will have to rob a bank or something because the next time dan and/or phil do a tour i think i'll have to just show up at every date like i'm sorry but this was too good of a high we need to do it again immediately

anyway. back to work 💪

(by which i mean giffing dan and phil. i am still very much unemployed. fr though i'm two whole videos behind this has never happened i feel weird. who am i)

[tetrapaec]

Getting closer to my one year anniversary of watching Dan and Phil for the first time!

Funnily enough, Heart Throb is my favourite video of them!

Also apparently I took a 3 months break and then watched Halloween baking with Sister Daniel on the iconic date of February 29th (needed that extra day in the year) and that's when I truly became a phannie 💖

Now I wish I could find the earliest phanfic I read, I only remember it was in 2015 because I was in university...

[dnphobe]

Looking at how they've presented themselves over time is always interesting. I think the queer experience of slowly questioning societal and gender norms (and gender, in many cases) is something I recognize in them. Im also curious how Phil's journey is different because he was out to his close ones for a lot longer, and it feels like Dan has more fun shouting about being gay because of the trauma that he associated with the label. I loved seeing their support of queer identities even when they were publicly closeted. It's nice that, even if they weren't comfortable being out, they wanted everyone to know they were a safe space

i agree! the different ways they've presented themselves to us over the years is one of my favourite topics to talk about tbh!

dan's journey wrt to gender presentation and how he feels about gender (not gonna theorise on how he identifies bc what do i know, but to quote him he's fine with being viewed as a man but also not offended if people use pronouns/gendered terms outside of that to refer to him) is interesting because he's said he's always been "flamboyant" but tried to hide that in his youtube career for a long time, and he's gone from saying "i can't do it i'm just such a boy" about painting his nails to having them painted more often than not, but also in day in the life of manchester he said he sometimes wishes he was a girl when looking at 'women's clothing', so it's clearly something he's felt for a long time.

i don't think phil necessarily feels the same pull to be gender non-conforming, but it is also something he's struggled with doing (in one of the stereo shows, when talking about the maid dress he wore in VPMO 2, he said that while it was a cheap joke outfit, a few years ago he would not have felt comfortable wearing a dress at all) so that might be something he's still working toward being comfortable with, but at the same time he's never felt shame about telling us things like he likes using raspberry scented body wash or that he does skin care (while when phil mentioned doing skin care dan was clutched by toxic masculinity saying "don't do- i mean that's fine!"

agree with dan having more fun shouting about being gay because of the trauma and i'm so glad he's reached where he is now! phil...i think for a long time he thought he didn't NEED to shout about being gay, especially because like you said he was out to a few people for longer. but i think it's something he realised he DID want to do after coming out to us. as he said in his coming out one year later video he didn't realise how much of himself he was holding back from us by not being out and it feels like a weight off his shoulders now. i think they both love being gay and shouting about being gay and celebrating that with us and im so proud of phil too <3 i actually have a hot take which is i think if it wasn't for dan's coming out he might have never fully come out to us, not just in a "if dan never had he never would have" way, but in a "if he and dan never met he wouldn't have" way, because he IS a private person and didn't think he was missing out on anything.

i am always so glad they made sure we knew they were accepting of us even if they weren't ready to be out. ngl it got kind of rough in like 2012 for me when dan was so adamantly against people thinking he was gay my own internalised homophobia brain went "does he hate gay people?" but that's on me, not him, or more accurately on BOTH of our internalised homophobia situations lmao. but yeah they've always been so sweet about their queer and trans fans, and one thing i personally appreciate so much is how they will use they/them for any fan they don't know the gender of no matter what their name/appearance/voice would make other people assume their gender to be! i feel so safe with them, and im gonna add this bc im still sappy after this weekend, so safe with phannies too <3 i think phannies queer identities and dnp's queer identities have ALWAYS flowed into each other and both sides of the parasocial line have made the other side feel safe and grow into their identities and helped them accept and appreciate other people's identities.

[absolutefilthimsosorry]

Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)!!!

<3 these things are so sweet and I always appreciate that people think of me and send them to me but I also never like the mental pressure they put on people to keep the chain going 🤔 so instead of sending this on I’m just gonna tag 10 people who made my phannie experience so wonderful in 2024 and they don’t have to do anything except feel appreciated!

@foreverjustanemokidatheart @calvinahobbes @bitchslapblastoids @thinking-emoji @shiwisins @philsbignaturals @topsonlyybar @manchesterau @philsdrivinglicence @ingydar-phan there are so so many more these are just 10 off the top of my head and I’m deliberately not including the gc because we already did sappy end of year messages!

Read on if you wanna know more about me!

Things I like about me (this got really deep and I almost didn’t post it, I think I needed to do some positive introspection so thank you)

1. My social confidence. It’s something I’ve worked on improving and I’m now the sort of person who will go to an event alone and initiate conversation with strangers. As an introvert I do find it draining but I also really enjoy it! Speaking of if you’re reading this and going to a TIT show in London and want to meet let me know! I promise I can yap so much it won’t feel awkward!

2. I can be funny. Always feels weird to say this but I have enough evidence from other people that it’s true!

3. My optimism. I live with family and a lot of them can be very negative and pessimistic so in response I’ve become a generally positive and optimistic person to cope. I think it’s helped me with my mental health struggles too

4. I’m my niece’s favourite! It’s fun being the cool one who gets her references and plays video games with her!

5. My queerness. It’s taken a long time to get to a point where I’m not crying or having a crisis over it but it’s something I like about myself now. I can’t imagine fitting into any part of the heteronormative life plan of fall in love with a cis man, get married, have two kids and buy a house with a picket fence and I’m okay with that. I like who I am.

[dnpoll]

my personal explanations below the cut!

also i scheduled this poll and i realised i forgot ARIANA GRANDE that's deep lore... GOD

muse: one of the things that dan and phil bonded over when they met each other - phil's favourite artist with his streams making it dan's top artist from 2014-2016. they have also seen muse at least five times! dan has played muse songs several times on the piano (specifically sunburn) + they did a lip sync video to muse for bbc radio. also they made fun of kristen stewart a lot when they were younger (they have since apologised and called her an iconic) and she was in twilight and muse supermassive black hole is famously in twilight so...

final fantasy vii: the soundtrack with interrupted by fireworks! dan said it reminded him of phil in a formspring answer <3 and that's all...

fall out boy: firstly "no but seriously imagine if:". secondly they have interviewed fob several times for the bbc! thirdly, specifically with pete wentz, he was dan's icon in his teenage years. he followed dan because of the interviews with him - he even prank called dan in call or delete. but as punishment in a best friend quiz video, phil tweeted "sometimes i dream about being one of the reindeer galloping through the sky with leather straps tying me to my friends mm yes carrots please" from dan's account - and pete wentz unfollowed fob. i am also convinced they think the milk fic is a petekey fic or something

the 1975: dan and phil called into the radio as fans when they were not hosting and the 1975 was there! dan said he was there with "his friend phil" and matty healy immediately recognised them as "dan and phil from the radio" despite them trying to be sneaky about it. dan also LOVED a brief inquiry into online relationships which he posted on his story and said he was "personally attacked by literally every song on the album". mm okay

my chemical romance: firstly "no but seriously imagine if". secondly dan specifically was/is a huge fan of mcr - although phil did sing welcome to the black parade (incorrectly) in a yasuhati video). mcr was also referenced in dan and anthony padilla's stop emo hate video, basically i'm gay and the dream daddy series, just to name a few (they g note a LOT). also hesitant alien featured in the tour of dan's brain video! gerard used to follow dan on twitter but doesn't anymore... beef?

panic! at the disco: firstly "no but seriously imagine if". also brendon and ryan are in the milk fic which they constantly reference. also there's a dnp edit with 57k views to house of memories

frank ocean: dan's top song in 2012 was "thinkin about you" by frank ocean which ppl talk abt a lot for many reasons. he also said his religion was frank ocean in 2016 LOL

troye sivan: YOUTUBE FRIENDS LOL - the iconic pic with dan, phil, troye and tyler! also dan and phil were the first people to play troye sivan's happy little pill on the radio, and are thus partially responsible for his success. troye sivan also led to chappell roan's success, so basically muse is responsible for chappell roan. troye also featured in a phil glasses video!

one direction: firstly, dnp interviewed them - a harrowing event that they outline in detail in tabinof. secondly, the iconic dan eating an orange picture behind a 1d concert. lastly, they talk about harry styles quite a bit - phil posed as him in a viewers pick my outfit, and of course the rotisserie chicken situation

nick jonas: hey buddy you in london #dick

smash mouth: more recent dan-based lore but mark (tour member) made an instagram story asking how to get all-star licensed. a phannie (royalsdnp on twt) then tweeted about it, and smash mouth (the twt account) saw it. dan then tweeted at the account asking for it, and it worked! smash mouth is now an official dannie, having tweeted orange for wad, and also offered the original demo for shrek to be used, saying it can maybe be for dan's next special. generally insane because dan has ofc always been a huge shrek fan as a part of his meme personality in the 2010s, even dressing up as him for a calendar

[dansevilpianotea]

what are some phancoded songs?

hiiii omg thanks for the ask!! i absolutely love talking about songs i associate with my interests!! (autism has been activated to the highest degree so this will be a long post, you have been warned)

here are some of what i think are classic dnp coded songs:

Guys by The 1975 (i see this as more about the phandom than about dnp tbh but its very very dnp coded no matter how you interpret it) That's So Us by Allie X Still into You by Paramore The Only Exception by Paramore

i have a whole ass 100 song long playlist about dnp but let me give you my favourites that aren't the usual classics:

Eighteen by Pale Waves

This city depresses me But you try to be everything I need We sat on the corner kissing each other Felt like I could finally see in colour I was 18 when I met you Poured my heart out, spilt all my truth I finally felt like I could feel for the first time When I met you

i mean????? thats 2009 dan and phil????? dip and pip??? hello!!??

also fun fact!!: this band is from manchester and this song was written by their non-binary drummer and lesbian lead singer (who lowkey gives lesbian version of dan). you should rlly listen to pale waves. idek if theyve heard of dnp but theyre true phannies to me.

Starlight by Muse

this song, man. never heard of muse until i got into dnp and then i this song was the first one is listened to.

Hold you in my arms I just wanted to hold You in my arms

i feel like it says sth about the expectations of being in a relationship while also presenting yourself on a massive public platform. wanting to be authentic and produce content^tm vs. being closeted and wanting to protect your relationship. 'I will be chasing a starlight, Until the end of my life, I don't know if it's worth it anymore'. Is worth it to constantly push the content out while feeling like a fraud for being inauthentic about your identity? 'And our hopes and expectations, Black holes and revelations'. the future may seem very dark and hopeless sometimes, it may not turn out how we expect or hope, but only once we face instead of fight it (embrace the void etc) we will forgive our past selves and see that the future really is bright. so yes, very dnp coded.

Anniversary by Autoheart

Years of nothing have subsided We have fixed each other up Giving you up? What are you on about? I'll never give up believing in us Giving you up? Now why would I do a thing like that? No I’m not giving you up, no way I will never stop when it comes to you

this song is not only dnp coded (kind of an october 19th theme song) but also has gained a new meaning since the return of dnp games <3. they didnt give up on us. they came back. and we really helped each other get here <3. think about it like that when listening and i guarantee you will be sobbing. the song also has some marriage themes bc theres wedding vows during the bridge so i will just let you live with that <33

Where the Lines Overlap by Paramore

Tracing patterns across a personal map And making pictures where the lines overlap No one is as lucky as us We're not at the end but oh, we already won Call me over And tell me how Well, you got so far Never making a single sound I'm not used to it But I can learn

we werent ready for their comeback / we're still learning to get used to it / just look at them / boiling frog theory / hard phaunch / do i need to say more

Yellow by Coldplay

this song became part of my playlist when phil didnt know a single coldplay song. unfortunately i cant take it serious anymore after dan was turned into a golden pig, then was literally glowing golden during a book event all while #pissyourself4dan was trending and every phannie on twt made their pfps yellow. i will curse your mind to with the lyrics and mental imagery: (im sorry but im also not bc this is how my autism thinks humour works)

Look at the stars Look how they shine for you And everything you do Yeah, they were all yellow ✨✨ Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones Turn into something beautiful ✨✨✨ And you know, you know I love you so 💛

✨✨✨

(im sorry again)

Safe & Sound by Tonight Alive

Dan in BIG: "for the first time since I was a tiny child I actually felt safe."

Nothing compares to what we share I don't have a care in the world Cause even if it all came crashing down, As long as you're around, I'll be safe and sound. 🧡

ending it with a nice one because its beautiful and sappy and its so them afterall. they really won rpf.

thank you for this ask, i enjoyed answering it!! (im sorry for taking so long. im on day 11 of a cold so ive not had much energy.)

[amid-fandoms]

I’m curious to know more about the phandom! parasocial about each other instead of dan and phil time. what are your big media interests outside of dnp?

love the idea of being parasocial about other phannies hell yeah

i loveee good omens, that's my other main and my favourite book as well, but other things (books, movies, shows) i'm obsessed with and tend to hyperfixate on (❤️), or have loved in the past and continue to love nowadays even if it's not to that degree (💛), are:

six of crows ❤️

heartstopper ❤️

sasaki and miyano ❤️

assassination classroom ❤️

interview with the vampire ❤️

i hear the sunspot ❤️

carry on ❤️

sherlock ❤️

the addams family / wednesday ❤️

anything tim burton ❤️

pokemon ❤️

teen wolf 💛

our flag means death 💛

shadowhunters 💛

IT 💛

shameless 💛

one direction 💛

young royals 💛

skam 💛

there's probably a lot more, i've been a fandom girlie since i was 12 so for over thirteen years now, but i can't think of every single fandom i've gone through or we'll be here all day

[danrifics]

Dan and Phil Appreciation Week

Day 7 - What Do Dan and Phil Mean to Me?

I feel like i need to give some back story. When I was 12 a friend of mine showed me what youtube was, she showed me her favourite youtuber: Charlieissocoollike a youtuber who i also came to love. One day i was watching one of her videos and in my youtube suggestions i saw an account i thought would be interesting

Danisnotonfire

to this day i could not tell you what the video was all i know is i loved it and i spent a while watching everything i could on his channel then I came across his best friend Amazingphil and again i spent a while watching, i remember loving them both and loving their videos together even more, at this point in time i wouldn’t join the phandom but i would see everything that was happening. Every week I would watch/listen to the radio show (and post some pretty cringe facebook posts about it)

Eventually, I stopped watching as much and paying attention as much until they came out. I don’t know what about that triggered my brain to dive in deep into the phandom and level from a casual viewer to a full time phannie but i’m glad i did!

I don’t have many words for what they mean to me because they simply mean more than any words could ever say but they gave me the opportunity to be weird and insane without judgement, they helped me make life long friendships that i’ll treasure forever, they are my safe space. I am who I am because of them, they shaped my teen years and honestly made me who i am today.

💕💕💕💕💕💕

[lyricallyharley]

rant in the tags but tldr this is starting to become the most toxic fandom I've ever seen and I can't stand it

[foreverdjh]

happy 19th of october to all who celebrate 🫶

fifteen years ago these two met, and in 108 days i will hug them both. so many lives changed over the last decade and a half🫶🥲

[dramaphan]

Things I would give up my life to hear dnp talk about that they absolutely never will:

•How they really, genuinely feel about the way their audience has treated them over the years. The good the bad and the ugly bitch don’t spare anyones feelings

•Religion. Idk man I feel like Dan in particular could go off about this for an hour and there’s not many things I’m willing to listen to Dan go off about for an hour but that guy has some beef with god and I need to hear about it

•Honestly just fanfic as a concept. Do they give a shit. Do they read it. Do they have preferences??? When it comes to shit about themselves is there anything that they wish people wouldn’t write?

•Truly just want Dan to talk about his channel. Why tf did u abandon it. Will u ever use it again. If yes, why are u lying. If no, why not. Tell me what you do for a living actually like what do you do what is your job

•Fuck it I wanna hear Phil talk about his career too because brother you are a block of cheese that’s just starting to go bad but it’s only at the point where we’re cutting off the moldy bits because it’s not moldy enough to throw the whole thing away yet

•Gimme some fun facts and trivia. Not like. Oo I had to refilm this video type nonsense but like. The juicy bits. Like oh yeah we completely faked this we lied about that for xyz reasons we scripted this and you had no idea idk man gimme something that will rock me to my core

•You know. You know what this bulletpoint is about. I want them to talk about that. Surely enough time has passed.

•I want some behind the scenes of irl. How much involvement do they actually have. Are they really personally designing their merch or is there a guy for that. When will they kill dnpshop and why haven’t they done it already

•I just would like to know how they genuinely feel about marriage and children. Like, not even to/with each other but as a concept. They both give me the vibe of someone who would rather die than raise a child and while Phil seems indifferent to marriage I feel like Dan is waiting for a few people to die off before he even considers it 💀

•Talk substances with me boys. Which one of you has tried the hardest drug and why was it definitely Dan. What’s the drunkest you’ve ever been. Tell me your nightmare blunt rotation.

•You get five minutes. The timer starts now. Give me your best trauma dump. I want to be just as traumatized as you when these five minutes are over

•Don’t lie to me how often do you lurk on phannie Twitter/Tumblr/wherever do you have favourite phannies do you have mortal enemy phannies show me your block lists

•Along that same line, tell me your least favourite youtuber. No explanation just drop the name

•For Phil specifically: sleepless night. Why.

•For both of them: Are you guys bad liars on purpose or is there a reason you can’t just say things exactly how you mean them

•How have they never been legit cancelled and is their day coming

•At what point did you decide that you didn’t need to say anything about the gaming channel and you could just cast it off into “I thought it was obvious” territory

[pseudophan]

how did we figure out phil’s room in the second london flat was a set beyond the fact that his shit was in dans room? and also how did we figure out the two flat situation i literally do not remember

oh boy, well, this story is vastly different depending on the phannie circles you were in at the time

me personally i saw their floor plans like, a week after they moved in. i always knew they had two flats, way before it even became a theory, but i was on here for two years like idk man! who's to say! because oh my god we were NOT supposed to know that shit. now, in my defence, it REALLY wasn't my fault. i didn't go looking for it nor did i ask to see it, however i did and to this day the whole thing was just very funny. weird! creepy! but funny. i'm not gonna say who found them in the first place, but in short the real estate listings stayed up for awhile after they moved in and bc of the location (near the first london flat, an address everyone had at that point) someone quite easily found them. said person emailed phil and phil got them taken down, but because phannies can't keep their mouths shut the contents of that listing did get spread around a fair bit

as for everyone who Wasn't being a creep like some of us, there were just clues that added up over time. firstly just like, the designs of the two flats are vastly different. you can tell which rooms belong to which flat just based on the look of them, and the difference in style combined with the fact that they had two kitchens made it so it just didn't make much sense for all of this to be one apartment. there was a whole thing about hardwood floors vs carpet, namely when phil tweeted about this centipede that got into "his room" and then dan happened to "walk past" at 2am. meanwhile the pics he posted of said centipede were on wooden floors (or laminate or whatever idk) and the amazingphil bedroom set very much had carpet. like, the centipede was in the moon room, i do believe the conclusion was

my personal favourite thing though was one of phil's sleepless night videos, because those of us who knew for a fact there were two flats were CRYYYINGGGG laughing at that shit bc the blatant lying was just so funny. this dude rly laid on top of his sheets fully clothed complaining at full volume about how he couldn't sleep. but then he went to get a charger from the living room (in the other flat, where dan was sleeping) and all of a sudden he's being all quiet. absolutely incredible content. 10/10 no notes.

anyway, kids... don't look at your favourite youtube gay people's floor plans. even if it's funny.

[heartsopenminds]

Tagged by @feelingofcontent 😊

Tag nine people you want to get to know better.

Favourite colour - dark blue/green/purple, preferably in combination

Currently reading - London Calling by Paul Cornell, a crime novel that also has magic, witches and demons - a little gruesome in places but highly recommended!

Last song - A song I’ve never even heard of before called Red Eyes by The War on Drugs, thanks to a random Spotify playlist!

Last movie - I’ve been doing a Marvel rewatch because so many of the older films I saw years ago or not at all, so I’m halfway through Iron Man 2

Last series - It’s actually The Vampire Diaries, as my nieces are watching it too so we chat about what’s going on!

Sweet, savory, or spicy - I’d say savoury, I like spicy food but can’t handle things that are too hot, and I’m not able to eat sugar due to a health condition, so for me the only sweet stuff I eat is fruit

Craving - some free time, I’m a bit of a workaholic and always sign myself up for too many things, and then get stressed about feeling stressed - need to get better at saying no

Tea and coffee - mostly coffee these days, I have one good cup of proper coffee a day and then decaf otherwise

Currently working on - confession time...I still have a fic outstanding from Phil’s birthday drive in January! My attention got completely taken up with a long fic I was working on, so now that’s finished I need to get back to this one, it features Phil as an artist who is painting Dan’s portrait, and I’m excited to get that done!

I’m pretty late to the party so most people have probably been tagged already, but would like to tag @r3ad3r1 @silentdescant @yourfriendlyblogstalker @gravityplant @phannie-tears @veryconfusedshit @jupiter-pls you haven’t done it already and would like to join in!

[deadandphilgames]

omg okay

1. what's your favorite fanfic??

2. what other fandoms were you in before dnp?

3. have you ever been in love?

1. thats so hard to pick, the one i go back to the most to reread is bruising the sun by waveydnp. but theres soo many amazing ones as well (i think i have about 50+ absolute favourites saved to my phone so i can reread them anytime)

2. none, this is my first fandom, i never really experienced a connection that made me want to join a community like i did with phannies

3. yes, twice. the first time turned sour quickly and had a lot of unseen effects on me that im still dealing with, and the second time was the happiest id ever been but it ended a few years ago