#my fan literally is technically the worst one in the house

[subspaceember]

Things I do not understand about the design of my parents house

Bathroom

The shower head is mounted a foot too low. I'm around 5'10 and my eye level is right where the pipe comes out of the wall. (This is the case for every shower in the house) which means the water starts to hit you around your nipples

The toilet paper holder thing is in between the toilet and the tub and requires an uncomfortable reach, actually hard to use, and so no one does

None of the towel racks are within reach of the tub, there's one on the opposite end of the room and on the opposite side of the toilet

There is a fan - however it just vents into the attic - no actual vent was ever installed - also it's the scariest looking fan ever made, you can put your hand through it. The one downstairs was a complete afterthought, when we moved in there was just a random plug hanging out of the ceiling that went to the fan - which vents into the drop ceiling... of the basement

That's right the bathroom that's in a basement and has no window that can open and also used to have carpet in a house with no HVAC system has NO FUNCTIONAL VENT FAN

There is a window - it's just a regular window that faces the front lawn, so hopefully no one's out there. There's blinds on it, but they're mounted away from the window so you can still absolutely see in if you stand in the right spot

It has an absurd amount of countertop - not really a bad thing, but it's very overkill for a bathroom

The soap tile thing came off the wall and refused to be glued back on - so there's just a big duct tape patch there now

General

The entire downstairs is drop ceiling, yup like an office building.

On top of that the entire downstairs was originally only lit by single bulb fixtures, like for closets, just bare bulbs in a dark, damp basement - except bathrooms which were fluorescent lamps

The basement has a very uncomfortable hallway, it's about 3 feet wider than most hallways and is of course lit by one light bulb

There's a random angled wall here, so one of the rooms has a random angled wall for some reason

The house has TWO water heaters, a more common full size one and a smaller like half sized one. Guess which ones plumbed to the showers - that's right the small one, the big one is only connected to the kitchen sink, washer, and the nasty added on shower in the garage that no one has ever used.

Right - there's technically a third bathroom, it is IN the garage, i mean it's literally added on it's like a box that just juts out into the room. No one has used this bathroom as it is - like i said in the garage and thus smells of dust and mold and also there's no floor.

The floor plan is very odd, there's a BIG room and I mean big on both the first floor and the basement, and lots of tiny rooms, including the one my parents tried to move me too, which is quite frankly too small for a twin bed what you're supposed to do with a room that size I don't know.

There's no water filter of any kind here, not really a big deal, although the water is literally pumped out of the ground so uh sediment is in everything - like, the water filter for drinking has dirt in the top of it

The dust the downstairs of this house has dust like no other dust, the networking stuff is out in the garage where the dust is the worst, and it's killed 2 ethernet switches and a modem, it's this thick brown dust that - even though the house has been cleaned - will never go away

The deck - which is covered in plastic fake grass terf carpet and is nasty - is actually held up by a big iron rod that was clearly added much later than when the house was built, along with a much newer staircase

There's just a big gap in the wall on the side of the carport with a 5 foot drop - no one knows why it's there

Oh yeah also- the carport is on top of the garage - the garage is not accessible for cars, as it's on the basement level, so hearing a car roll ON TOP OF THE ROOM YOU'RE IN is really nerve-wracking

There were no lights of any kind originally installed in the back of the garage, it was literally permanently dark (the part under where the cars park btw

I mentioned the lack of HVAC - the house does has an oil-burning furnace - which smells of oil and makes a loud BANG every time it turns on and off

The stairs

The stairs don't really fit so there's no landing and instead there's a angled stair to rotate into the hall basically right across where the landing should be - I've tripped and nearly died on this a lot.

The stairs have only one light, at the top, which is almost impossible to reach to change bulbs, (you have to put a ladder at the top so you're at risk of falling down the entire stairwell if you fuck up) oh and this means the weird angled step is ALSO in the dark :)

The stairs extend out into the hall which is great for tripping over and dying on the concrete floor.

I'm living in the house of leaves

[whenthechickencry]

Umineko Ch1. Replay 4

The fact she calls out to her mom when she is the one person who isn't gonna figure out a calm way to deal with this hurts, ouch. Even amongst all the hatred she has for her mom she still trusts her.

This line always stuck with me because of how insane it reads on the outside. She's 9! A whole 9! She's an infant what do you mean old! I guess it shows her toxic environment meant she was never allowed to act like a child and is bitter about it.

Hurts to read this. Clearly, they want to stop Rosa's abuse but don't know how. It's easy to judge them as cowards but realistically what can they do? Yell at Rosa who will then take it out on Maria more?

Honestly living on that island seems like abuser heaven so at least Jessica's parents aren't the worst, comparatively speaking. She has very limited contact with the outside world and every exit is very tightly controlled.

Setting up the "who gave Maria the umbrella" mystery I see Kanon!

It's really hard to not read Maria as autistic me, with her taking orders very literally, her word repetition, and her hyper fixation on magic stuff. Just makes the way Rosa blames her for getting bullied and not having friends even more horrific.

Kumasawa laughing at the prank she helped pull, lol

idk battler It could be the worst day of my life but if I'm getting a 5-star meal I'm mowing that down happily

It's a bit sad how clearly Battler holds Kyrie in high regard and obviously does kind of consider her family even if he denies it considering that Kyrie fucking hates him

I am using the Umineko Project version of Umineko, and you know, the console sprites for Umineko are a lot more varied than the 07th mod would led you to believe (not that I am criticizing them, I am sure there were technical reasons as to why they had to be removed) there are some with Eva holding her unfolded fan that I didn't screen earlier too)

Nanjo going along with the script and getting jumped on by everyone lol

Wow, way to talk about your child Rosa

Oh here is the portrait I was talking about earlier, also everyone's tune immediately flip flops about the letter when they realized its beneficial to getting money lmfao

It's kinda cute how much Jessica tries to prove she really is the one who hates her parents the most when she probably has the best relationship with her parents out of the cousins

Yeah yaeh you are so mature and understanding than your cousins George, not like you are the one most willing to cut off your parents when their money or status obsession gets in the way of your goals or anything

Doesn't work as well for a game where the opponent isn't really trying to win and doesn't always do the most logical moves, does it?

Kyrie's correct though, if they had simply asked her on her terms who Beatrice is from the start (Something along the lines of who was Beatrice possessing) she probably would have answered!

Well, it's more like she realized you were the best one to get the information she wanted, but you do love her too much to consider that.

He's so fucking scared of Kyrie and he should be, to be honest! Though it's partly your fault she's like this.

This is also probably R07's way of telling you to look at the heart and not just the murder mystery!

Obviously, Natsuhi doesn't believe this because she knows Kinzo is dead, though I wonder if she thinks this was s will he left to the servants or something?

i wanna punt this man

I think Natsuhi and Jessica is probably the only parent/child relationship in the game that probably would heal itself with time... they both understand what is going wrong but aren't sure how to fix it, and I think with Jessica going out of her parent's house soon she probably would have been able to understand her mother more and makeup once they saw each other again... it makes me a bit sad to think about how the tragedy made it impossible for that to happen.

I'm already crying fuck. They are both extending their hand to the other. They are making steps towards repairing their relationship! And it's all getting destroyed!

I wonder how many times conversations like this happened in reality. Genji trying to convince Yasu to allow themselves to live their life normally but Yasu thinking that they aren't worthy of that, and feeling deeply guilty when they did interact with others...

I wonder if George has ever really tried to engage with Shannon's own interests, knowledge, and likes, instead of just assuming because she is a servant that everything he tells her is new and exciting to her

[powerpolyculeshowdown]

This is not a poll you can vote on but I'd like to introduce people to the polycule ship of Willow/Hunter/Gus from The Owl House. Personality-wise, they are all really smart, sweet, and strong and help each other through trauma and anxiety because they love each other.

Canonically, Hunter and Gus are bi and Willow is pansexual.

Hunter/Willow is canon but most of the fandom doesn't like Hunter/Willow/Gus because of a two year age gap between Gus (14 - he's super smart and skipped grades) and Hunter (16) (Willow is 15) but the fandom literally calls them The Emerald Trio and people adore them as friends. But I am here to convince you that they are in love !!

Willow and Gus are best friends who first bond over dealing with anxiety and not having any friends. Very sad but they become besties and support each other! Gus is also very protective of Willow when they first meet Hunter.

Hunter has had a lot of trauma in his life that he thinks is totally okay and normal. He has never known anyone around his age (16) or had friends until meeting Willow and Gus by joining their sports team at school. The teamwork!!

He has an ulterior motive for joining the team but has a change of heart when he sees how much he's hurt Willow and he puts himself in harm's way to protect the team. Willow is smitten with Hunter after this and they canonically send cute photos of their "pets" back and forth even though Hunter is technically the enemy. (Enemies to friends to lovers!)

Hunter runs away from home and Gus gives him food and starts to try and understand him more. Then Hunter saves Gus multiple times and Gus helps Hunter understand and get through an anxiety attack. Hunter sees some of Gus's worst memories and they bond, becoming great friends. (Later on Gus learns a traumatic secret about Hunter's past that he tries to help Hunter cope with in a healthy way too.)

Hunter gets what is assumed to be his FIRST HUG EVER from Willow and Gus.

They are literally blushing messes around each other who are super supportive, caring, and protective of each other after that. 

Willow and Gus are Hunter's biggest fans when he is being his full geeky self! They are just so happy for him! They are also both really big dorks!

They also worry about and take of each other!

I hope more people get into this ship because they're so good together and I would love to read more fanfics of them in a relationship, but for now I will just have to write it myself and it's a challenge I accept lol

Thank you for letting me rant! I really loved seeing everyone write about their fav poly ships so I thought I'd make a case for one of my favs.

they sound rlly cute together whether u ship it or its just friends this is all adorable

i saw a few tags asking where gus is and im sorry yall but he just wasnt included in the nominations :( i didnt intentionally exclude any characters.

[thespacelizard]

for the ask game, shen 26 and 41, rizeth 30 & 55 (because i cant resist my Feelings over him), zeth'rinn 42 and viz 48!

fox you love giving me questions that make me have to dig into character lore for these boys. making me do work smh :p

26 - Guilty Pleasure

Ooh. hm. i don't know that Shen feels super guilty about any of the things he enjoys, but probably his upcoming addiction to serial romance novels would qualify. yes they're not that good, yes most of the plots are the same, yes a lot of them are just thin excuses for erotica but dammit if they're not compelling.

my self-indulgent headcanon is that if Obedience the Series existed inside of Obedience-verse, Ashenivir would be its number one fan

41 - What’s their morning routine like?

He's had different ones over the years. When he was at the Shrine, he had morning meditations/meditation dances, and yes the Shrine sucked but he does miss having those. (we're gonna work through those issues in arc 4 don't you worry).

At the Arcanum he's usually up early, works on some studies for a bit before breakfast-call, then tries to get to the dining hall early enough that it's not too crowded so he can enjoy peace and quiet and food.

Despite this, he's not necessarily a morning person: he's bad at Going To Bed At A Reasonable Hour ft Just One More Chapter. The fact that drow only technically need 4 hours of reverie to function saves his ass.

…can i also interest you in Married To Rizeth Morning Routine, which very often features sleepy kisses, making tea, and kneeling to drink it whilst Rizeth strokes his hair at the kitchen table, or on the couch? Because. That is. everything to me.

30 - What was their adolescence like?

Bad. If we're talking literal teen years, Rizeth was a terrified kid not yet taken to House Velkon'yss. His original House were very minor, and he was acutely aware of how easy it would be for someone to just murder all of them for their assets. Like they were nobility enough to have to adhere very publicly and strictly to Lolthite tenets, but low-ranked enough that they had very little in the way of protection. It wasn't a very stable environment to grow up in.

If we're talking 'loose drow/elven definition of teens' - also bad. He got sent as a consort to House Velkon'yss in his early 20s, which was technically a trade-up, but he was basically just there to be a fun treat for the Matron and the elder daughters to play with. He spent as much time as possible hiding with books, and learning to shove all his feelings deep, deep down. I think he had some 'friends' at Sorcere, as much as he was willing to risk being friendly with anyone. I haven't fleshed all of it out, but I think he did fall for another boy there, and it ended with him being cast aside for the other boys benefit. Or death. I haven't decided.

There are in fact more reasons than just Elian'la being a bad ex that he's got so many hangups around intimate relationships.

i will also say that I do imagine that when he was sent to House Velkon'yss, it was more of a 'the Matron saw him and went "i want him, give him to me"' and there wasn't really a choice. I kinda picture that his mother was much more of a performative Lolthite than a religious one, and really did just want to keep him safe and alive.

55 - What’s your character’s core trait? What’s their best trait? What’s their worst trait? When happens when these all interact with each other?

Ooh, this is good. I'd say Rizeth's core trait is probably selfishness. Now hear me out: not in a bad way. He's just very protective of himself, wants and tries to be as self-sufficient as possible, and has a hard time trusting things relating to him to other people - that includes work things as well as emotions.

His best trait is his protectiveness. People don't often see that because of how cold he comes across, but he's very protective of all his students, and obviously of Ashenivir. He might be strict on classwork, but he also has zero tolerance for bullying in his classroom, and for parents who try and start shit with him, other teachers, or other students. If you fall under Rizeth's protective umbrella, he will defend you with all his heart - even if he sounds like a bastard doing it.

Worst trait is the same as the core trait, but flipped. He closes himself off because he doesn't trust anyone but himself to care for him. He doesn't leave space to let anyone in, even when he needs help. He brute-forces his way through difficult health, emotions, and work because he's convinced he's the only one who needs/can do it.

All of these interact to make the Rizeth you know and love - a protective idiot who needs someone like Ashenivir to grab him by the heartstrings and say 'hey, dumbass, it's okay to let people care about you, alright?'

42 - What’s the dumbest thing your character’s done?

the thing he did in OSHA game that pissed Jarlaxle off, which was:

find out that there's Something Up in Mythen Thaelas

find out that Jarlaxle/BD have lost all contact with the city

get expressly forbidden from going to find out what's going on there

lie to a group of BD agents that he had permission to take a group there

use the knowledge Valas gave him of the local area to sneak said group into the city, which was overrun by Elvrae and her mind-control staff + several hundred Lolthite cultists

get stuck in said city until OSHA showed up to save his ass

48 - What was their lowest point? What was their highest point?

Vizaeth's entire life is a low point :p

Probably the period of time when he was Xunhrae was the worst, before he figure his gender out. He was a wreck, not only self-destructive but completely willing to take everyone down with him. I mean…he still kind of is, but he's more self aware about it now.

His other low-low points are things that have been in fics, namely, all the times where Pharaun wasn't giving him attention, or otherwise wasn't prioritising him. So after Pharaun slept with Rai, and after what happened with Nalfein in like lovers do, those were all devastatingly low points.

I still think his highest point was Pharaun vivisecting him. The person you see as basically divinity walking putting their hands all over your guts? God, the only thing better would have been if Lolth was there to watch.

(send me character questions for this game!)

[lostacelonnie]

6, 7, 24. God all of these are sooo good

HEHEH THANKIES

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

ok im sorry but. Kiamei. do not get me wrong i LOVE kiamei so much and theyre extremely important to me [tho i Will admit im more of a nanahua + elymei person] but kiamei onlys are SO annoying istg. they feel so threatened and for what. LIKE BRO IM LITERALLY MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS!! I DONT DISLIKE KIAMEI!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE.

i dont think ive seen any different honkai pairing [other than like. ottokallen but tbh i havent even ran into those people too much] that would have a fanbase as dedicated to hating people for not shipping what they like as kiamei fans are. of course im generalizing and i know a lot of Very Chill kiamei fans bc, lets be honest, its one of [if not The] most popular pairing in the fanbase but ive also seen a lot of nasty ones.

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

answered here! this is one of my most correct takes ever and i will forever stand by that

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

honestly speaking ive been doing my best to avoid the Worst areas of the fandom so idrk if theres anything Particularly bad going on rn but for me personally. probs just Everything to do with part 2

which is. a pretty complicated issue and i dont really have a set opinion on it all. rn im actually Quite Optimistic as the new story has been pretty fun [tho admittedly not Lifechanging, but neither was ch1 of part 1 so im not judging based on that] and the open world isnt making my computer burn. an option to replay stuff Would be quite nice tho.

as i suspected, part 2 is a well made piece of art from a very technical standpoint but it doesnt have the Honkai Feel to it yannow. much more star rail coded in terms of vibes. BUT AS I SAID nothing is Over yet and im very much giving it a chance bc i have been having fun with it. i love helia she has literally nothing going on for her but she charmed me

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (Roberts, 2021)

I think the comparisons to John Carpenter are a tad generous, and like 90% of modern movies, the lighting is garbage, but I have to hand it to the movie for being as stylistically confident as it is. The widescreen frame is put to consistently good use. There are moments like the oner from inside Donal Logue's car and the shootout lit by muzzle flares that find ways to meld stylistic flourishes to actual tension. (I should note that the latter was technically done earlier by Uwe Boll in Alone in the Dark to less acclaim, and I'd like to correct the record by pointing out it was a good stylistic touch there as well. Literally the only good stylistic touch there. But good nonetheless.) It's pretty obvious this was a COVID production, but I think the smallness and sense of depopulation work in the movie's favour.

All that being said, this has the unfortunate stench of a YouTube fan film stretched out to feature length. As nice as this sometimes looks, there's a ponderousness to the look that suggests it's trying really hard to elevate the trite source material. Aside from a few minutes of the fourth one which I picked up during a Steam sale, I haven't played any of the games, so the significance of a lot of this probably went over my head. But much of the dialogue here is a mix of callbacks and exposition that the mostly bland cast can't do anything to sell, beyond saying it slowly and awkwardly enough so you don't miss it. Probably the worst example is when Leon Kennedy and Jill Valentine introduce themselves to each other, followed by Claire Redfield loudly saying "We have to find my brother, Chris Redfield." And there are of references to relics of the '90s like chatrooms and Blockbuster as if characters are reminding each other what decade they're in. The only actors who emerge unscathed are Donal Logue, who gets some semblance of personality by being a gruff asshole, and Neal McDonough, who gets to chew some scenery in the climax.

And while I'm not a fan of the Paul W.S. Anderson movies, those at least move along at a decent pace, while this jerks from one set piece to the next, presumably building them around callbacks without much sense of how to stitch them together. That being said, the things this does well make me think I'd like it more if it came out fifteen years ago or so, at which point it likely would have been shot on film, better lit and had at least some practical effects. This actually feels like the 2021 equivalent of a movie I would have caught on the Scream channel during my high school days and logged on to the Rotten Tomatoes forums to post "Cool flick, especially the car scene and the shootout, 7/10" and posted a fresh tomato emoji or "This" underneath a bunch of other posts saying how much better it was than the Anderson movies. Now, I'm older and wiser, and have warmed up to the bozo nu metal style that was de rigueur in those days, and realize that both this and the Anderson movies are kinda lame, and that the best zombie video game adaptation is actually House of the Dead, where characters stand around and shoot at oncoming zombies light-gun-style, or Resident Evil: Apocalypse, where a character is introduced ass-first and fires wildly into a crowded police station and headshots all the zombies. Yeah, I'm all about quality cinema these days, although if somebody else had posted this back in the day, I'd probably have replied with a rotten tomato emoji.

[suckitsurveys]

Are you any good at packing a suitcase?: I manage.

What are you hungry for right now, if anything?: I want waffles.

Have you ever had a white hot chocolate? What did you think?: I’m not a fan of white chocolate in large doses like that.

What will you be doing in twenty minutes from now? Probably still working on this survey, or another one. I’m also working, so I answer questions in between job things.

Is there anybody in your house’s bathroom right now?: Nope. Maybe a cat?

Do you ever get eczema: Yeah, on my hands.

What’s your opinion on Miley Cyrus’ new look?: What new look?

Have you ever witnessed a serious physical fight?: Honey, I went to school in Chicago.....

How much does gas cost in your area?: Depends on the gas station but it’s under $5 I think.

Are you a fidgety sort of person?: Yes.

What was the last thing you ordered at a restaurant?: Sushi.

Do you know how the politics of your country work? Yeah.

How do you like to spend your alone time?: Watch TV mostly, or play on my phone.

Have you ever mowed a lawn?: Yes.

Is there anyone you would do literally anything for?: Yup.

On average, how many hours a day do you spend online?: I mean, I am basically connected to some form of internet all day. Phone, computer, TV...

Have you ever done a “knock-and-run” prank?: Ding Dong Ditch?

When was the last time you were yelled at? What had you done wrong?: I don’t remember thankfully.

Do you enjoy corn on the cob?: Not really. It gets stuck in my teeth. I’d rather eat it off the cob.

Is there anything good on television at this very moment?: Who knows.

What’s your mood like today?: Tired and annoyed.

Have you ever bought alcohol or cigarettes for someone underage?: Technically. I got cigarettes for a friend, but they were literally not even half a year younger than me. I just happened to turn 18 first. They turned 18 like 5 months later.

If you haven’t, would you ever do so? I wouldn’t do it now, because “underage” is WAY younger than me and I’m not about that shit.

Under what circumstances do you think it would be okay?: I mean, in the circumstances I did it in I don’t think that is that big of a deal. Or like, a parent letting their 20 yr old have a beer or something.

Do you do your laundry regularly, or do you let it pile up?: I do it every Sunday basically.

Did you ever play Habbo Hotel when you were younger?: Nope.

What about Neopets?: A little.

Have you ever had the privilege of sleeping in a waterbed?: I have. My aunt had one when I was a kid.

Have you ever had to comfort a friend over the death of a loved one?: Yeah.

When did you last watch fireworks? Did you kiss someone underneath?: On the 4th, and I think so?

In your opinion, what’s the ideal age to start having children?: I literally don’t care when you pop out a crotch goblin. You do you, bro

Have you ever stabbed a friend in the back, intentionally or not?: I don’t think so. Nothing serious, anyway.

Do you have a last.fm account? If so, what’s your opinion of it?: No.

Are you a seafood person?: It’s my favorite food.

Have you ever had to lick a ton of postage stamps and envelopes?: Yeah.

What’s the longest you’ve ever slept in one go?: 16 hours, maybe?

Do you check the weather forecast everyday?: Not every day, no. Usually only when I have something coming up that week or something.

What did you have for breakfast this morning?: A banana and two muffin bars.

Have you ever dated someone with an accent different than yours? No.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever smelled?: I don’t know.

How long does your phone last before needing to be charged?: Depends.

Have you ever worked two jobs at once?: No.

Who does most of the housework around your house?: Mark.

How many glasses of water do you drink a day?: Enough.

Documentaries: interesting or boring?: Depends.

What brand is your desktop or laptop?: Dell.

Have you ever spoken badly about someone then realized they were behind you: Probably.

Do you enjoy the smell and taste of cinnamon?: I do.

Who were you last in a car with and where were you going?: My niece. We went to Target and got bubble tea.

How old is your youngest cousin?: If we are talking strictly first cousins, I am the youngest.

When was the last time you ate tacos?: Last weekend.

Does caffeine affect you, or not so much?: Not really.

Who was the last person you annoyed?: I’m sure my coworkers lol.

What is your favorite flavor of cake?: Carrot cake, or cheesecake if you count that as cake.

Do you make your bed everyday?: Nope.

[cydanite]

Id like to know more cod father opinions do the empires have different widely excepted interpretations among the citizens what is the worst possible way they have told his story and what is the most generous conclusion some one has come to How are the other empires remembered what does jimmy think of the more sympathetic artist or writers Is Jimmy the only one to be seen as a villain or are there other cases of historical misinformation does Jimmy know how Joel died or did he leave before that

Also, in the comments of Part 8 on Ao3, Efield commented this:

"I would like to know more about depictions of the cod father do the different empires have different widely excepted interpretations among the citizens What is the worst possible way they have written his story and what is the most generous possible conclusion some one that didn’t meet him would come to with the knowledge available What do they think of Lizzie if they remember her well then would art of them would focus on the stereotype of good and evil twins or seablings How do they remember the other emperors what does jimmy think of them Would he find some funny I love works that shows how history remembers season 1 emperor’s Was jimmy the only one to be painted as a villain or where there other cases of historical misinformation Is Jimmy a good house guest to Joel does he get along with Hermes"

I have taken both of these as an excuse to write a lot, so here you go!

Now do keep in mind, I know very little about art history except what is taught in basic K-12 schooling. A lot of my theory probably doesn’t make much practical sense. But this is for fun so that’s okay!

In this au, the setting of Empires S2 is a different continent than Empires S1. After the Rapture, many people were killed or displaced from the S1 continent. 1,000 years later during the time of S2, the S1 continent has become habitable and is fully populated. A few S2 members are from the S1 continent, such as Shelby and Pix! All this to say, the historical opinion of the Codfather isn’t local to S2’s nations and probably has a pretty homogeneous perspective from those who live on the S1 continent (which I have been calling the Ruined/Old Continent.) That’s not to say there isn’t some variation that exists!

First of all, there is obviously the one explored in this fic. The general perspective of the Codfather seen by most is “Technically we can’t prove he caused the Rapture, but it’s definitely the most likely outcome so he might as well have done it.” Whatever S1 cultures survived the disaster and the 1,000 years of time probably have changed a lot. They have no connection to the Cod Empire anymore, no reference to its morals or reputation outside of historical accounts. Also, the inhabitants of the Cod and Ocean empires are literally fish and amphibians in this au, and their whole deal is that they only formed civilizations due to the influence of 2 demigods (kinda like in Hollow Knight if you know the lore behind that) so they’re not around to give their side of the story. The various ravines and craters dotting the Old Continent, reminding those who see them of its terrible past, probably doesn’t do much for the cultural conscious as well.

Another perspective is that of Pirate Cove, or more specifically by sailors! I talk about it in this post, but generally it focuses more on the seablings as ocean gods than as historical figures.

There are a few other ideas I have. Maybe Animalia has a different perspective on the Ocean Gods, revering them more as gods of Fish and Amphibians then of water? Also, the art museum referenced a few times: Azelo City is meant to be located in modern day Mezalea. A lot of fan interpretation pictures Mezalea as the arts capital of S1, mostly due to the bright colors and the idea of Joel sculpting clones. I think this culture would have withstood time, so that area might interact with the history of the Codfather more through art, prose, and philosophy more so than anything else.

Some of the above applies for Lizzie too, mostly the sailor lore. I think she is seen as the older and wiser of the two (Older? Yes. Wiser? …they’re both kinda silly lets be honest.) If the Codfather facing upwards represents youth and optimism, the Ocean Queen facing downwards represents wisdom and protection. She is said to be both terrifying and devoted. Maybe nowadays young lovers call their partner their “Ocean Queen” to show their love. It's a little ironic like someone calling you the Juliet to their Romeo, lol.

Jimmy, at this point of the au, probably doesn't agree with the more sympathetic interpretations of him. Even if The Rapture wasn't his fault, he doesn't have very high opinions of himself as a leader. So what does it matter that history sees him as a villain, it's probably deserved. I also don't think Jimmy knows how Joel died, he left before that. We also don't have a time frame for when Joel specifically died. I like the interpretation that he lived past the rapture for a few years before the grief finally caught up to him. (Ironically, by running away to the ocean depths, this is exactly what Jimmy was trying to avoid.)

Maybe I’ll get to some of the other S1 emperors and their legacies another time, as I don’t have many great ideas for most of them. Also most aren’t relevant to this au. Feel free to come to your own conclusions or suggest some!

Also, I have another ask about Hermes and already had sketches in the work before they were asked. The lad is of great importance to me too don’t worry :D

[daturanerium]

i've been thinking about griddlehark recently, especially since i've listened to the gideon audiobook for the first time. i love them lots! but i had forgotten just how terrible harrow was to gideon in the beginning, and how blindly devoted gideon was to harrow (even when they were mortal enemies). i'm not sure if i'd be happy with them becoming canon without completely addressing that, so i'm going to talk about what i would like to see happen in alecto to deal with the power imbalance.

as someone who's been in a very similar position to gideon (being a punching bag to someone i'm devoted to out of love) i can speak from experience when i say that it sucks. i currently do not have much of a relationship with that person anymore, but gideon clearly wants to pursue one with harrow--whether that be platonic or romantic.

right now griddlehark are suffering from a severe power imbalance with harrow coming out on top. even during htn, harrow made choices for gideon without consulting her first or considering how it would affect her (mainly the lobotomy, which clearly bothered gideon based on how she talked about it in act five--or rather, didnt). harrow tormented gideon for her entire life. i feel like people tend to brush over this or treat it as a child's rivalry instead of treating it as it was (or how i read it to be): constant, unrelenting abuse. harrow canonically tried to kill gideon multiple times throughout their childhood. by the time we reach gtn, it almost seems like tormenting gideon is a game for harrow, considering the way she handled gideon's escape attempt. she pulled it away at the very last second for no other reason (that we know of) than to make gideon feel the worst. obviously we know now that harrow is fucked up in her own way. growing up mostly without parents, with incredibly high expectations based around being a literal war crime and the only surviving necromancer in the royal line, she's desperate to find and cling onto any control she can get over anything and anyone. she's gone through an incredible amount of character development within the last two books. i'm a huge fan of that! i think it's very safe to say that harrow cares about gideon as an equal and wants her friendship--the entirety of htn is basically a tragic love letter to her. but that doesn't make the lasting impact of how she acted go away.

on the other hand, gideon has apparently always been devoted to harrow: on page 332 of gtn she says that she was "hungry for the Reverend Daughter's occupation" in her youth, and strongly implies that she endured harrow's ceaseless beatings and torment because it was the only thing gideon received other than people blindly hating her or ignoring her. harrow was fascinated and obsessed with her in a terrible, violent way, but at least it was something. this is, of course, worsened after gideon walks in on harrow after The Incident. that, mixed with the overhanging inherent power imbalance of gideon being harrow's/the locked tomb's indentured servant since birth, means that gideon has never known a life free of harrow's control over her. being devoted to harrow is gideon's norm--she's literally never known anything different. and, on top of that, she's never expected anything in return. hoped, maybe, but never expected. gideon tries to leave but is stopped every time by harrow; the only way gideon is able to experience her first bout of "independence" is through caanan house, which was an opportunity given to her by harrow. harrowhark has been a constant in gideon's life since she was one year old. gideon relied on her for some semblance of normalcy and a twisted form of recognition. gideon goes through a lot of character development in caanan house as well, and we get to watch her and harrow start to deconstruct their corrupted relationship and reform it into something better and healthier. but even then, gideon still ends up making the ultimate sacrifice for "the Ninth": aka harrow, since she states not five pages before that she doesn't actually care about the Ninth at all and is only doing this for her (that is open to interpretation, but i think it's safe to say that gideon's main reason for jumping was to save harrow regardless of how you interpret her last words). later, at the end of htn, gideon still doesn't expect much from harrow in return. "harrowhark, i gave you my whole life and you didn't even want it." comes to mind. it's not about whether or not the statement is true, it's about what gideon believes based on harrow's past actions. the idea of harrow refusing gideon's sacrifice is more believable to her than harrow succumbing to her grief. i'm not even sure if gideon knows about the lobotomy. if someone told her, would she believe them?

so, right now, we have one person desperate for control and the other hopelessly devoted to a fault. both harrow and gideon are far different women now than they were at the beginning of gtn! they're in the middle of their character arcs right now. here's how i would like to see griddlehark rekindle their relationship in a healthy way:

gideon spends a lot of time harrow-free. she learns what life is like without harrow present. she gets to discover herself without harrow there. gideon still cares about harrow, obviously, and will spend time trying to find and reconnect with her. i hope that in the meantime she gets to find herself as an individual! she needs to see that she is more than just "harrow's mortal enemy" or "harrow's cavalier". she is someone outside of her relationship with harrow, whatever that relationship may be. when she reunites with harrow, i hope that it's a choice that gideon makes, not because harrow asks for her.

when reunited, harrow takes full responsibility and accountability for her past actions against gideon. this has sort of happened, but only in the sense of harrow's self-loathing: she gets angry during the pool scene in gtn, but that's based around "i was awful to you, why are you being kind to me"; not really an apology. later, she asks gideon if she forgives her and gideon says yes--but harrow never apologized. in my opinion, no forgiveness is true if there's no apology. i'd like to see harrow fully recognize her past actions--and, more specifically, how they affected gideon. she's focused a lot on how they impacted herself, but even in the pool scene (as much as i love it) gideon's feelings were mostly sidelined. by harrow taking accountability, both of them can continue their path to healing and growing their relationship. (also, harrow Officially releasing gideon from her duty to the locked tomb as an indentured servant would be really nice. i know with everything going on it's technically moot but i think it would still mean a lot, especially on the road to equalizing their relationship)

gideon and harrow acting as equal partners! we caught the beginnings of this in the second half (especially the end) of gtn, but they haven't really had a chance to flesh (heh) it out since. i'm really looking forward to that!

i really love these characters. they're some of my favorites, ever--and that's saying something, because i've read a lot of books. harrow especially has had some of the most enjoyable character development i've read in a long time. we're in the middle of the series and there's still lots of loose ends to tie up! i just hope this is one of them.

[ivyaugustetc]

the dead poets at hogwarts: a headcanon from hell

@aedan-mills @charlie-dalton-simp @pretentious-strikes YOU ENCOURAGED THIS BEHAVIOR SO YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES. also i love you a lot but THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.

also @aedan-mills i found out that some of the wand stuff is related to their birthdays and i am much too lazy to look all that up and figure it all out, but anyone else is welcome to lmao. sorry to disappoint but alas it's summer and i don't want to research that much. but other than that, please listen to me flex my extensive knowledge on harry potter :)

neil (half blood): i'm sorry,,,, can you say gryffindor? this boy would get up there and in a second the sorting hat would have him all figured out: big dreams with the will to pursue them, but not ambitious enough to step over others to achieve said dreams? sounds like a gryffindor to me. i just know he'd thrive at hogwarts, probably going on to play quidditch (def a chaser) and would excel in charms class. as far as pets go, i feel like he'd stay simple and classy with a chill barn owl he'd name after a famous broadway actor. he would kind of be a mix of james and remus, in which he's wild and crazy but still manages to get good grades. the teachers love him simply because they don't know much about him outside of class. he would absolutely LOVE going to hogsmeade and going batshit crazy at zonko's and honeydukes. he'd have a whole phase where he gets addicted to licorice wands and everyone else thinks they're disgusting but he simply cannot buy enough of them. he'd play a bunch of zonko tricks on the rest of the poets, saving the most harsh for charlie and the most wholesome for todd <3

todd (muggle born): ugh see i can see him being both a hufflepuff and a ravenclaw, but my heart says hufflepuff so i'm gonna go with that. he would absolutely HATE the sorting ceremony with a burning passion. getting up in front of everybody only to have a hat judge u??? no thanks. HAHAHA CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM ON A BROOM. i can't either because he would simply never get on one, probably referring to them as "flying death traps" more often than not. "hey todd, you think about joining quidditch?" "no thanks, i'd rather keep my limbs intact ;)". but he would love muggle studies a lot, even if the teacher was boring as hell. snape would scare the hell out of him for sure, resulting in his lowest class being potions. he would excel in classes that are more learning out of the book rather than in practice. for a pet, he'd want something that could not possibly turn on him and would just be sweet and loving, so ima give him a toad :) he'd name it something fancy and british, like nigel or sumn. and because of nigel, he'd love chocolate frogs because hey they're twins!!

fanon knox (pure blood): hogwarts fuck boy. okay well maybe not f boy but like...his favorite part is the fact that this is a co-ed school rather than an all-boys school so he can spy on both genders equally yknow. hmm i get hufflepuff vibes from him because he's a big romantic, sucker for cute relationships, etc. he would enjoy whichever class his current crush is in, although I feel like he'd do well with classes that involved spells and wand work mostly lmao. he'd want a really fucking cute pet, so i'd give him a kneazle (it's like a cat but a bit more lion like). he'd give it a strong sounding name, something german idk. but he'd love the shit out of that kneazle, i can tell you that much. i feel like he'd try out for quidditch his first few years, not make it on, and then make it on to the team around fourth year and somehow end up team captain in seventh (and that proves kids, that you too can have a redemption arc in sports). as far as candy goes, ima say he likes the super sour candy like acid pops n shit. like i feel like the others would dare him to each as much sour candy as he can and then he wouldn't be able to taste for a week. but he'd think it was worth it :)

cameron (muggle born): good god this boy just wants to learn. magic just fascinates him, what with growing up in a big muggle family (bestie he is the weasleys if they were all type a). he's a ravenclaw, no questions asked. he would love classes involving preciseness and attention, things like potions and transfiguration. i feel like he'd have a cute, stable relationship along the way ofc because he deserves so much love and happiness and UGH he's a baby. he'd stick with a lil ginger cat, naming it after one of the famous wizards he's read about. he would love spending christmas at the school and going places when the ground are nearly empty, enjoying the scenery. for candy, he'd go plain and simple with chocolate frogs. can't go wrong with those. he'd still have fun with his friends, but he'd skip a lot of parties for some studying (don't judge, i do it too lmao). would not play quidditch but would enjoy it, end of story.

charlie (pure blood): slytherin. don't dispute it. think the weasley twins but even more flirtatious. he would be a regular at every single party that happened, flirting with the guys and gals shamelessly and drinking butterbeer like it was water. look me in the eye and tell me he would not absolutely fucking HATE GILDEROY LOCKHART WITH EVER FIBER OF HIS BEING. he'd do spot-on impersonations of him though. teacher's worst enemy. like when he walks into class on the first day, every teacher collectively mutters "bloody hell not this kid again". asks the most incredibly stupid questions ("okay but is there a spell to turn my eyebrows green? just the eyebrows though, not my hair"). he would be the most aggressive beater on the slytherin team, though he would never deliberately try to hit someone, just distract the shit out of them ("put the fear of god in them and fate will do the rest"). he'd want a loud, aggressive pet but he'd probably end up with a mean cat that hisses at everyone. he'd give it the most adorable name that just. does not fit the personality. something like priscilla. for candy, he'd take his chance with bertie botts' every flavour beans and just roll with the punches. he's chaotic like that.

pitts (half blood): ASTRONOMY IS HIS JAM. he fucking loves that class. he tutors the entire ravenclaw house in that class. he's the guy that little first years who are terrified of the class go to when they're completely lost and don't understand what's going on. besides that, i feel like he'd just be everyone's cool older brother yknow? like he'd be in charge of helping all the first years figure out where stuff is and giving them advice to help them and stuff. he would be a die-hard quidditch fan although he would not play the sport (maybe recreationally on the weekends and holidays and stuff, but the fact that it's so fucking dangerous just does not appeal to him). he'd like the candy that does tricks and stuff, like fizzing whizbees and stuff. he gives me charlie weasley vibes, where he's hardcore in certain areas (in his case, astronomy) and just flipping chill in anything else. cool older brother vibes, man. it fits.

meeks (half blood): i've said it once and i'll say it again: nonproblematic ginger dumbledore. also a hufflepuff <3 this dude just wants to fucking coast along, getting good grades and not participating in the dumb shit that could probably get him killed (even though he would in a heartbeat if his friends were in danger. duh). he'd be a teacher's favorite, probably having conversations with his favorite teachers during free time. okay ik this isn't technically at school, but i swear to god he would be dumbledore one day. like he would be the chill ass headmaster who gets shit done while also being very la di da life is nice flowers are pretty type of person. that being said, his favorite candy is and has been lemon drops ever since dumbledore got him addicted to them. his favorite classes would be potions (he'd surprisingly get along well with snape) and he'd just be great and mixing shit right and just knowing how much of stuff to add in ("how much powdered root do i add?" "about three and a half shakes." "that's not a measurement, meeks." "*shrug* it works"). he'd stick with his small friend group and love them to death, but he'd be a friend to all really. he'll help anyone that comes to him asking for help with homework (and though he won't admit it, he gets super prideful when it's someone a few years ahead of him).

stick (muggle born): harry potter if harry potter could've been more harry potter. like he would just be a part of everything and end up being part of some prophecy that demands he'd save the world and at first he'd be like HEY i'm just a small boy but then he'd grit his teeth and finesse the shit out of this preventing the end of days stuff. he'd definitely be a gryffindor, and fucking proud of it. he'd be the seeker on the quidditch team because he is so short and small and yeah he'd fucking kill it there. he'd kind of be the shy one no one expected much from, but once he starts absolutely wrecking the shit out of the other houses' quidditch teams, he'd become sorta popular? like people would invite him to parties and stuff and he's too nice to say no, but he'd mostly just hang around the outskirts, saying hi to the other poets if he saw them and mostly talking to chris and ginny (danburry, not weasley). he'd like defense against the dark arts and minerva mcgongiall would become his literal mother i can't explain it. he'd have an owl as a pet and treat it like it was his own child, telling it thank you every time it brought his mail or took his mail. as for candy, he'd like drooble's bubble gum because the bubbles are all magic and shit and i just feel like that would make him so happy <3

chris (pure blood): the older sister lesbian <3 she'd be a sweet hufflepuff who would be friends with everyone while also being the greatest socialite the school has ever seen. you know that party that practically the entire school attended and talked about for months on end? she planned that shit. she'd be like pitts in the respect that she'd help all the first years find their way in the school and in life in general. she's just such a warm and kind person that everyone would love her. she's have a little pink pygmy puff to match ginny's purple one, and she'd give it such a perfect, human name like lila or something. she'd be great at muggle studies and all the teachers would love her. also every one is so invested in her relationship with ginny it's adorable. he favorite candy is acid pops even though they make her eyes water like crazy. she'd make pretty good grades, every once in a while getting one slightly lower than she'd expected, but she always manages to bring them up to her satisfactory level :) she would not play quidditch, but she would go all out to support ginny, even though they're in different houses. that's what i call love, baby.

ginny (half blood): the mom lesbian <3 she's a ravenclaw and also one of the sweetest people in the whole school. while chris helps other with the social aspect, ginny will help anyone in any subject they need help with (she and meeks are a help duo on this). she's quieter and less social than chris, but she's one of the best chasers the ravenclaw quidditch team has ever seen. she'd end up team captain by fifth of sixth year. she'd be like oliver wood in that she is sO invested in the team's success that at sometimes she'll go a bit crazy, but chris is always there to help her put things back into perspective <3. she'd make stellar grades of course, being good friends with all of her teachers. her favorite candy would be the sweetest things like fairy floss. as previously stated, she'd have a purple pygmy puff to match chris's pink one, and she'd also give it an adorable human name like lisa or something. ginny's just sweet to everyone, especially neil and his friends.

I DID IT. IT TOOK FOREVER AND A FEW HAIL MARYS BUT I DID IT. enjoy besties <3 love u all

[impostoradult]

So part of the reason it's worse than SPN is because at the very least there was acknowledgment that it wasn't all in your head. SG literally did a water downed version of the Korrasami ending while putting SOOOOO much emphasis on the word friend. It would have been better if one of them acknowledged it and it wasn't reciprocated because then there's at least tht validation that you weren't making it up. You weren't just seeing what you wanted to see. And while everyone that's not viewing everything through a heterosexual gaze could see the subtext, at the end of the day the show went out of its way to make the fans seem delusional and the ending onlu served to bolster that.

On top of that they started playing Landslide, which anyone that was around during Glee, knows that that song holds tremendous meaning for the gay women, it was the little bit of acknowledgement for Brittana before they became canon. So to couple that lack of acknowledgement with the overemphasis on friendship and then that song, it's definitely in my book as the worst queer bait. I'm 30, I've seen a lot of it in my day and this one was especially egregious.

Please don't take this as downplaying what they did with SPN, because that was atrocious. Just giving a little context.

I definitely take your point that having SOME canonical acknowledgement of it counts for a lot. And to be fair to Supernatural, they did do that. It was horrifically unsatisfying for a wide variety of reasons, but they did technically 'go there.'

(Although, now there is a weird attempt by number of parties involved with SPN to retcon it into being platonic or ambiguous. So just understand - people (including people involved with the show) will still call you a delusional shipper even AFTER they put in an explicit love confession. There is literally no escaping that. No matter how concrete it seems, people will still do their very utmost to de-queer it)

But here's where I would still argue SPN keeps its #1 title in this arena (and I will very much grant, the following analysis IS subjective and based on my personal criteria for evaluating something like this):

1) Supernatural was just ON for a much longer time than Supergirl, and Lena Luthor wasn't even a character until season 2. That queerbait lasted 5 seasons and 96 episodes. Supernatural was on for 12 seasons that included Castiel, he appeared in 148 episodes, and he was part of the narrative for over 260 episodes. In other words, Supernatural fans were strung along for a much longer span of time (both in terms of calendar years and in terms of story-content).

2) Supernatural also I think takes the cake for nature of narrative they constructed around Destiel. I've seen a number of queerbaits in my day, and a lot of them primarily manifest as a strong, romantically coded intimacy between the two characters. The writers use stereotypical romantic tropes with the characters, there are running textual ~jokes~ that suggest they have a romantic dynamic, the two characters simply have a bond that seems deeper than a typical friendship. I've seen this in a number of pairings - Johnlock, House/Wilson, Rizzoli/Isles, SwanQueen, etc.

And Supernatural has that in excess, don't get me wrong. But I need to emphasize something here that is very literal and not hyperbole: in the canon of Supernatural, Castiel's love for Dean is literally holding up their whole cosmic universe. Literally.

It's hard to summarize how this is so succinctly, but basically, God is the final antagonist within Supernatural and he eventually explains he's been trying to end Sam and Dean's story by having one of them kill the other one. He keeps trying to make this happen but it never quite works, and so the story keeps going and going.

And the reason it doesn't work is because Castiel defies Heaven and God (due to his love for Dean) which throws the story off track, and God never manages to get it back on track again.

In the canon of Supernatural, God has been writing the Sam & Dean story over and over and over and over again, trying to get it perfect. Each version happens in 1 universe, and there have been thousands of versions/drafts/universes. And in every other version he writes, one of the brothers kills the other, which brings the story to a close (and ends that universe).

Eventually God explains that in all those other universes where the story happened as he planned, Castiel never rebels for Dean. He continues to be loyal to heaven. The ONLY universe where Sam & Dean avoid the fate God has chosen for them is the one where Castiel falls in love with Dean, and defies God for him. Which keeps their universe intact.

This is a canonical part of Supernatural's story and mythology.

~*~

I get how frustrating it is for two same gender characters to be written in such a strongly romantic way and to get no acknowledgement or satisfaction from it. I've had that experience a number of times and it is always agonizing.

But Supernatural CANONIZED textually that Cas's gay love for Dean was more powerful than God and the only thing keeping their universe from collapsing.

For this reason (IMO) Supernatural remains in its own category when it comes to the narrative significance of the same gender romance they STILL refuse to even name as such, unequivocally.

[kaypeace21]

Mike comes out  to El , Mileven breaks up for good, and the future of byler (s4 theory)

*this is based off the stranger things movie inspirations they listed on twitter , in the show, or in interviews/other outside materials. All movies mentioned have been said to be inspo for the show.

So I’ll be mentioning mostly the movies- sw*ngers, what women want, wet hot american summer and splash (and others). Along with Tootsie -which was shown in s4 bts.

Before I give a rough outline of what may happen. I have to specify I don’t think El will be “heartbroken” over mileven cause I don’t think she loves Mike romantically . I’ve already discussed why i think she doesn’t love him romantically at nauseam - but regardless  mileven brings out the worst in  El and Mike. And literally inhibits her character growth. So as an El fan- I’m super excited for mileven to be put to rest. SORRY.  I’ll trade El & Kali teaming up to get closure from their ab*ser ...over mileven any day of the week XD. 

I think Mileven broke up in s3 (and remained broken up) . But we’ll have more closure and a more official breakup in s4  when Mike visits the byers. (And Mike admits he’s gay to his ex )- before byler officially begins. Essentially, I think- Mileven broke up, but El still calls constantly .And Mike starts ignoring her calls so El demands an explanation and he admits to her he’s gay and doesn’t want to get back together. 

So first lets talk about Phone calls 

I think based off the movies and s3 we’ll see El call quite a bit in s4 (almost obsessively) . And Mike has had enough. In s3, he said he’ll call so often -she’ll have to turn her walkie off . But I believe it’ll be the opposite-with El calling so much he’ll turn it off.

We see foreshadowing for this in s3 when Mike hangs up the phone after saying “El ? no, sorry, not interested.” Or when he hangs up on her multiple other times that season ( he even technically hung up the walkie on her in s2 , as well ). But, in defense of El,  given her lack of socialization (and seeing mike call her constantly between s1-2 I wouldn’t be surprised if she thought this was the norm).

-In splash there’s a scene similar to s3 - a blond relative picks up another phone to eavesdrop on him talking to his gf. He yells at the blonde relative and when the gf asks if he loves her -he tries to dodge the question. But they break up and he admits to his relative he never loved her. Maybe confessing to Karen?

* This reminds me of that supposed rumor with El saying “I love you” and Mike not into El just saying “I know” in return.Or Mike in s3 saying quickly “i miss you-bye.” And immediately hanging up on her.

-some other aspects of the s3 breakup may be taken from  “pineapple express .Which had comedic breakups via phone  . When broken-up he says  “I love you “ and she says it back to him (like mileven). He IMMEDIATELY  says he takes it back and  “I made a mistake” (when he sees she took him seriously). And then he specifies that’s it’s because she’s must be too “  naive and immature” to willing to take him back after how horrible of a bf he was to her in the past. Which yeah -fits mileven: they said the ‘L word’ when broken up, Mike did immediately try to take it back , and he may have realized at the s3 finalie how naive el was -to still want him back despite him not being a good bf to her. In ‘p.i’ the girl’s mom even says  maybe it’s best she find someone new who actually appreciated her or ‘better yet just be single’ and hang out with her gal pals (lol if joyce gave this advice to El-that’d be great)!  El doesn’t need romance to be her own-happy person! Also in ‘p.i’ Dale + his male bff are always assumed to be gay for eachother as a running gag .So ... I’ll technically throw that as another byler hint- lol.

-In sw*ngers Michael (yes that’s his name) who is made fun of for being perceived as gay gets a call from his ex gf of 6 months). And he hangs up on her to talk to his other love interest who asks if he wants to see her. Michael (specifically hangs up on his ex as she says “I lo-” to talk to this new love interest. He later brags to his friend (at a dinner) about not calling her back (despite her wanting to get back together) and he says proudly she was “always his ex”- when his friend incorrectly calls her his “gf” . 

  -While in ‘what women want’- an ex gf goes to him cause he didn’t answer her calls. In ‘tootsie’ the gf does the same and is pissed that her bf Michael (yes, yet another michael) didn’t answer her calls for a week. And he LIES saying his answering machine was broken. Would not be surprised if mike made up such an excuse.

Similar to ‘tootise’  & in ‘what women want’-both gals who’s phone calls were ignored ask if their bf (in mileven’s case -ex bf ) is gay. And in ‘swingers’ someone makes fun of mike for being gay. too  Lol-i’m sorry 2 movies where a guy named Mike is called out for being gay /and 2 movies where a gf who’s phone calls are ignored asks is they’re bf is gay is suspish XD

In ‘tootsie’.  We also have movie-mike give her a present before she asks if he’s gay /they breakup -it echos what previously happened in s3. 

- Michael (from the film) despite not want to be with her anymore (and loving someone else) tries giving her a gift to patch things up - despite his lying/ignoring her. The gift /empty gesture annoys her. Which is similar to st- mike not apologizing for lying- but trying to give El a gift to make up with her (but he doesn’t even do as much as film-Mike).

Right after this is when she asks if he’s gay (aka so for mileven we have the gift scene for s3  & El asking if he’s gay in s4-which were both borrowed from ‘tootsie’).

In ‘tootsie’, she finds romantic letters Michael has from another guy and this causes her to ask him if he’s gay .(20+ movies have romantic letters). In ‘littlewomen’ the artist gal and her future husband (who used to have a crush on the painter’s sis) exchange letters.And in ‘wet hot american summer’- a guy ditched his friends to write a letter (and his friends make a gay joke about him because of his letter writing-not knowing he’s actually gay.  

In ‘what women want’ when confronted- he admits he’s gay to his ex gf. In ‘tootsie’ she asks if he’s gay and he avoids the question but after she demands that he be “truthful for once in your life”. And, we all know how Mike constantly “lied” to EL .michael finally says he’ll stop lying to her and admits he’s in love with someone else. 

And she says in turn she’s not angry he doesn’t love her but that he lied (and similar to s2 where Mike calls Hopper a “liar”. The ex gf calls movie-mike a “liar” over and over). In fact they use the identical phrase of “you liar. you liar.”

Not to mention- she does sound like El.  She says she’s more upset about the lying than the fact movie-mike doesn’t love her. 

But I do think they eventually get closure and El realizes she doesn’t love Mike (romantically either) before her real character/story arc begins. 

movies: twister & you got mail

I’m so ready for the El & Kali teamup in s4. It’s like s2 (we get El & Kali pursuing Brenner + byler moments).

But what happens before Mike says this?I assume before this -mike & Will may confide in others about their feelings. And Mike/Will may be bullied for being perceived as gay .

 -In “welcome to the dollhouse” a boy is bullied for being seen as gay in school & at an arcade- and a character who is made fun for being a lesbian defends him at school/the arcade (so maybe robin?)Since Robin works next to the arcade/is gay.  Similarly, Fin’s character (at an arcade) is bullied and called a “fairy” and f*g” in ‘It 2′. And movie-Mike is made fun of for being perceived as gay in ‘sw*ngers’. Along with the guy (who was gay) being called homophobic names for writing letters (in wet hot american summer).We also know hawkins will most likely have a ‘satanic panic’ over d&d, rock music, and other things- which was historically rooted in christian fundamentalism.In ‘Kingsmen’ the churchgoers pretty much go on a rant being hom*phobic, r*cist, anti-science, anti-athe*st, anti-other religions, and anti-democrat and equate all of these groups of people to the endtimes/the anti christ. So one guy just snaps and says he’s gay, loves science , etc and says after “so... hail satan .And have a lovely day.”And storms out.  lol not sure about all that -but it’d be hilarious XD. Trigger warning for hom*phobic sl*rs.

-Proof For Will was : In ‘heathers’ the jocks make fun of the new guy in the cafeteria- by asking him if he misses his boyfriend  and call him the f-sl*r .in ‘superbad’ the guy who draws is called hom*phobic sl*rs and in ‘wedding crashers’ someone calls the male-painter character a “homo”. In “hackers” the (computer-nerd) who just moved to town is asked by his single mom if he “likes girls”.etc

 Also, in “The guest” a computer-nerd in highschool is bullied for being perceived as gay (and he’s given really bad advice about how to deal with it by a lonnie-esque character who is visiting his house/family for a while).  The advice is also similar to the advice given in the st comic (from Troy’s dad).

Honestly just the fire ref makes me nervous. The computer-boy eventually snaps (after never standing up for himself) and beats up his homophobic bullies.

*whenever Lonnie comes back - I assume we’ll see he’s a bad influence on Will pretty quickly

In ‘the guest’ they also made a joke that the clearly older guest must be the gay highschoolers’ boyfriend (which is not the case).

While In ‘stoker’ ,the highschool painter eventually loses it after dealing with constant harrassment- and stabs the bully’s hand (to block a punch coming their way) after the bully made an inc*st joke about the painter & the family guest.  So a joke like that could certainly cause Will to finally snap (as opposed to the other gay jokes they used earlier). In ‘dukes of hazzard’ a guy also snapped and got into a fight over a inc*st joke (and in ‘girl interrupted” they make a similar messed up inc*st joke).

 Given my theory on Will’s trauma with his dad (which he doesn’t remember)-I would not be surprised even on a subconscious level such a comment finally gets him to snap -maybe accidentally unleash his powers for the first time?Lonnie could say something about how Will should light his bullies on fire, they make a triggering joke about Lonnie &himself... and Will the wise does have fire powers after all. In the film ‘firestarter’ the kid who couldn’t control their fire abilities also lights a bully on fire accidentally so... maybe? In ‘skyhigh’ Will’s superpowers aren’t revealed until he accidentally unleashes them on a bully in the lunchroom. And 1 character in that scene says “don’t talk about my dad” before using his fire powers. Also... it’s not on the inspo list technically but the Duffers are known avengers/xmen fans.So Will could be based on scarlet witch’s son William (code name Wiccan) - he’s gay ,has lightning&fire powers and can alter reality. He’s been possessed In the past by the ‘demiurge’ - even spit up a slug too. He opens a portal to his world allowing the inter dimensional monster “mama” out (cough demogorgans are called “deep father”.)  And he’s constantly bullied for being gay- and the 1 time he finally decides to stand up to his h*mophobic bullies- is the day his powers activate for the first time and almost k*ll the bully. Not super confident in this theory but thought I’d mention it just in case.  Ok- this post is supposed to not be too plot heavy. So back to byler-

*Before Mike visits they may both confide in people about their feelings for the other . in skyhigh (at a dinner similar to the convo in sw*ngers where Mike talks about his ex gf) the bff of Will (yes his name) goes on and on about Will and how she’s known him since the first grade. And someone asks “so you’ve been in love with Will since the 1st grade?” Which she tries denying but quickly admits is true. And her friend says she should confess to Will.

In fisher king - a women who works at a videostore tries setting up 2 people- a gal-writer and a guy with an alternate personality/ who hallucinates a fearsome mythical creature (obviously Will). When people doubt the idea the girl can love this mentally ill guy  she says “stranger things have been known to happen.” And in “altered states” the guy who would hallucinate flashing to another hell dimension (like Will)- has a wife. And people say “she’s crazy about him and he’s crazy.” When they weren’t together she says to her friend she had to pretend anyone she dated was him and she says “it’s crazy” in response the friend says “i think that’s how it’s supposed to be.” Plus in fisherking one character wrote a book dedicated to his wife (which had the same title as the movie they’re in) . And someone says about this author “ he was crazy about her” as he holds the novel in his hands.

* The ‘pretending the person you’re dating is someone you’re actually in love with’ was also mentioned in ‘children of paradise’ (reffed by Robin in s3).

*I’ve also talked about Mike projecting his feelings for Will to El-here.

Will confiding in someone is harder to say. in ‘reality bites’ when asking about why she doesn’t want to be involved in romance a friend asks “because of Michael?” Which she first denies but later admits is part of the reason. 

 And in ‘hellboy’, (while taking pics) John Myers tells the fire wielding character (with mental health issues) that her bff is in love with her and asks how she feels . The 2 bffs are endgame but at first she tells John that she’s unsure because she’s known him practically her whole life (but she thinks of him everyday). 

Lol not sure if Jonathan would ever be so straight forward but it’d be nice callback to s1/2 convos they had (Jon saying in s1 to not like things cause you’re supposed to / saying being a “freak” like queer david bowie is cool) .In “twister” & “it’s a wonderful life” a family member also tells a character that their childhood friend that they’re in love with (isn’t into the person they’re currently with). In ‘ wonderful life’ she says they’re “not crazy” about the other person-but them.  And they say they know this cause they “have eyes.” And In “twister” the family member says them visiting them  is proof they love them. 

*plus Sam who is supposedly crazy about her (also isn’t crazy about marry). Aka El isn’t crazy about Mike- but Will assumes she (along with mike). Cough El saying “what makes you crazy?” in s3.

-While in “hackers’ the kid (with a single mom) who is into computers, and upset they were forced to moved to a new city -is asked by the mom “Do you like girls?” . And he angrily denies and says he’s ‘not gay’ (which could followthrough with what happened in s3- Will not opening up to her about romance, like him telling Joyce he’d never fall in love. so he may lie to her if asked that question? Unlike Jon?

 So it’s possible Will confides in Jonathan (and or Joyce) & maybe Mike to his mom/nancy?/a friend (maybe Robin or Max) (hard to say). My top guesses are Will &Jon. And Mike with Robin (and maybe his mom or sister a bit after Robin?)

Mike visiting the Byers

In ‘Tootsie’, michael (disguised as a woman named dorothy...long story XD) meets up with the person he really loves and gives them a present. The 2 low-key have like a psuedo-gay courting for most of the movie (before they get together). In ‘paddington 2′, the main character even gets multiple jobs to save up for a birthday present for a loved one (another contrast to mileven- who Mike,despite being rich couldn’t even spend $3.50 on.  They did that alot -show contrasts with both ships .So s4 would be no different.And It’s Will’s b-day in s4 after all so Mike getting Will a present makes the most sense. 

*last pics from ‘scarface’- I have no idea what he’d get Will for his b-day but if it’s engraved with “crazy together” I will lose my mind. Also the parent glaring during this scene-makes me suspect Lonnie . I do suspect Lonnie will sabotage byler-but it may end up being a s5 plotpoint instead of s4? (I guess in s4 it could be El-since el has been known to get very jealous in the past (like with max).

 - In ‘waynes’ world’ the ex gf refused to accept the breakup initially (despite it being months ago).  And she didn’t understand how breakups worked . Which given El’s lack of socialization -  I get her confusion on the concept. Like how in s3 Max had to correct El that Mike was her “ex boyfriend”. In the film, she even tried giving him a present for their ‘anniversary’ (hopefully El doesn’t try to do something like that out of jealousy of the prior gift giving -cause Wayne just says the gift shows how little she knows him). 

*You have to admit this scenario of Mike having to explain breakups isn’t that far-fetched.

(even when broken up with wayne- she wore a necklace with his name on it. ) Which reminds me of How El had a bunch of Mike related stuff in her room-including things that said “mike” on them.

in waynes’ world: The ex gf would follow her ex and still refer to him as her bf and be a 3rd wheel and interrupt every attempt for wayne to romantically confess to his new love interest (like in ‘dumb and dumber’/’high fidelity ‘).A similar scenario also happens in ‘tootsie’- Michael (as dorothy) almost confesses (on a swing set) but is interrupted by another person interested in him (Mike). Personally, I assume El would just do this unintentionally- assuming Mike wants to be with her and being a bit pushy but probably being oblivious of byler.

Not to mention the Duffers are petty AF and probably got annoyed with all the jokes that Will was a 3rd wheel to mileven- when literally Will wasn’t even around the 2 interacting alone . A 3rd wheel- has a group of 3 consisting of a couple and a third superfluous person. Which never really happened? Plus,we saw the ‘burns’ they did of mileven over the past 3 seasons- it’ll probably get worse.

And again we already know El had no qualms spying on her ex (mileven even dances to ‘every breath you take’  a song about a stalking ex gf).And El also watched the  ‘all my children’ ep with Erica & mike roy. Which in the show after their breakup - had 1 of them refuse to accept the other didn’t love them and want to get back together- and stalk them/ sabotage their exe’s romantic pursuits. Only to eventually accept reality and move on. Although, I think this is mostly un-intentional on El’s part.

In ‘clueless’ she flirted with a gay guy who she thought was straight/in love with her and kept trying to make a move-much to his discomfort . And in ‘birdcage’ the ex gf would hit on her gay ex bf- and his male partner catches the 2 and misinterprets it as not one sided ). That scenario happens in quite a few movies. I could see Will (before byler happens/mike tells el the truth ) misinterpreting and assuming mike and El are still romantically connected or will get back together .

New Swings scene (almost confession)/possible swing-flashback 

Ok back to (tootsie) .In the film,Michael’s love interest was raised by an older sibling- and he even tries to confess to her when they’re on a bench swing together . Not even the only movie with a gay gal character + gal bestfriend swinging on a bench together (’silkwood’ ). In ‘enter the void’ there was also a flashback of a little kid asking the other “do you love me?”/ and him saying “a lot” .  

* it’s like a subversion of what happened in s3 at the hospital. Also like the Wayne’s world scene of the ex gf interrupting...

But i don’t think El will be the only one trying to get mileven back together. But Will as well.In ‘Emma’ & ‘clueless ‘ :character A assumes her guy friend is into their mutual friend and tries to get them together (despite him being into character A only). I could see Will misinterpreting mileven and trying to be a good friend and get them back together (despite his own feelings). In ‘emma’ and ‘clueless’ (before they fight) there’s is a party/dance (it’s in a lot of movies).It’s possible mike, Will, and El go somewhere to dance - a lot of films have the 2 people in love-dance with others -but stare at eachother the entire time.In ‘clueless’ 2 gay guys and cher (who is flirting with one of the gay guys) all dance together. In karate kid, referenced by Max to El. Has a guy kiss his ex without her permission (on the dance floor)- and the karate kid sees the girl he likes being kissed by her ex and misinterprets the scenario (assuming they’re back together). I suppose the fact they changed the s2 script where Will was watching Mike dance with El may come back up in a later season? Could also be a callback to when Mike looked mopey at Will dancing with a girl (after encouraging him to dance with her).  Will could do the same (as mike in s2). Or they both stare at eachother while dancing with other people. or it’s just a concept they scrapped- it’s hard to say.

*movie list (truman show,16 candles,step up 2,karate kid, backdraft 2 & stormship troopers)

Confession & fall out

In ‘emma’ & ‘clueless’: character A (after the dance party) goes with the guy home and he tries kissing her . She dodges it confused saying he’s mistaking her for her friend! And he explains he was never romantically interested in her friend. In ‘emma’ he even bought her a super expensive gift before hand and she still assumed he was into her friend not her. And he even specifies in Emma- the reason he came to visit her house was for her (not her friend). A similar scenario happens in ‘weird science’ and he says she just thought of the gal he used to be infatuated with  as a “sister” (and we all know the sibling parallels in mileven). And in ‘little women’- the artist gal dodges a kiss and says to her love interest “I won’t be courted with someone in love with my sister.” And he explains exasperated he doesn’t love her sister- despite constantly trying to be with her sister previously.

 In ‘tootsie’, what caused Mike (dressed as Dorothy) to try and kiss her was-  the other gal saying she feel like she wants something she can’t have and because of that -their friendship makes her feel lonely (it’s very queer coded dialogue). She dodged mike/dorothy’s kiss but then says she has the same (gay) “impulses” as Dorothy but that she’s not mentally sound enough to be in a relationship.  A thought that may cross Will’s mind.

But, before they can talk about the almost kiss-her dad calls via phone and interrupts. (They eventually do get together though). But she tells Mike/Dorothy she ‘can’t love’ her,before this. 

*may not come across in photos-but she’s crying when sayin this.

Also, a fight about “what they are-friends/or romantic” before a phone call interrupts ( happens in ‘it’s a wonderful life’ and ‘the fisher king’ too.) Those pairings were also both endgame. In wonderful life the artist gal yells why he even came to visit her . And he implies she knows why (aka his romantic feelings) .There’s a similar convo in ‘fisher king’  (asking why they’re there) + 1 of them saying it’s “bullshit” and “stupid” to pretend they’re ‘just friends’. (We all know the context of the phrases “bullshit’ and “stupid” by now). Even Han implies Leia wants him to stay cause he has feelings for him-which she denies . Thus, irritating him.

*(I’ve already mentioned before how in s1 byler was paralleled to a gay Han/leia while mileven was directly paralleled to luke/leia-mentioned this in the ‘mileven burn’ hyperlink).

All 3 movies have eventual couples arguing cause 1 character (mike) is saying he’s done pretending to be just friends and he came to visit (Will) for that reason. And he knows Will returns those romantic feelings- but Will refuses to stop the charade and admit his true feelings.

In ‘good Will hunting” a similar event happens. Will (yes that’s his name) is poor and has severe trust /psych issues caused by his ab*sive dad.  And he has “abandonment issues” so sabotages his romantic relationships before they can even begin. When the brunette admits her feelings for him he dismisses it as a phase/confusion on her part. She in response says she knows he finds the idea she doesn’t love him ‘scary’ (and she’s scared too but at least she’s trying and being honest about her feelings). She also says she wants to “help him” with his issues -but this just angers him more. Cause he doesn’t liked being pitied/treated like he’s broken . She says she wants to help because she loves him- not pity. But he doesn’t believe her romantic confession. And every time she says she loves him he yells “Don’t BULLSHIT ME”! So when she yells “say you don’t love me?” He says he doesn’t love her- which the audience knows is a lie. But she’s left a sobbing mess alone on the floor.

Which yikes- I feel like even if you don’t understand the obvious reasons  Mike used El as a beard + lied saying he loved her. You’ll feel bad at the possibility of how badly it blows up in his face. Will not believing his confession/thinking Mike loves El or scared he’ll change his mind -so Will (for that + a myriad of other reasons)just rejects Mike COLD. Similar to clueless & Emma & empire strikes back.

I’m not that surprised since Will claimed he’d never fall in love (so when he does - he may just deny it). Like the therapist said in ‘good will hunting’ he’s afraid it’ll go wrong so never even tries to begin a romance.  I hypothesize a lot of stuff happens after this, that makes getting closure on their relationship in s4 difficult. 

So essentially to summarize a rough idea of what may happen: mileven stayed broken up. Mike and Will probably exchange letters between seasons. And El and Mike call eachother- but the excess of calls becomes too much. Mike and Will  are probably bullied for being perceived as gay- and before meeting up they may or may not confide in someone (about their mutual feelings). Mike visits for Will’s b-day/spring break and gives Will a present. El (because she sees Mike as a source of comfort) tries getting back together with him and becomes pushy and a 3rd wheel. While Will even helps El- thinking he’s being a good friend to Mike (by trying to get them back together). Mike eventually comes clean and come to an understanding and El goes on her plot/character driven arc of trying to find Brenner with Kali.  Mike eventually confesses to Will but Will for a myriad of reasons lies about loving Mike- and rejects him. And that’s all the (non supernatural) plot stuff I wan’t to talk about now...

Sorry, if this post was just hard to understand. I wouldn’t call this a ‘theory’ per say ( I usually feel more confident in those). This is more like a rough idea given what we have available to analyze so far.

Personally - I hated the mileven/couple breakup drama in s3. So as long as it doesn’t last long and most breakups like say-lumax and jancy happen early in the season... and don’t drag the actual supernatural plot/character developement . I’ll be fine.

 Contrary to popular belief- I’m a byler shipper who’s most excited for the actual plot. I’m a bit more confident in my plot theories than the exact details in this post . But I thought I’d share XD. I’ll eventually do a whole s4/5 theory- post which will focus on other characters/supernatural plot points.(but i may rewatch some movies first) . I’ll probably also do a byler post too with s5 predictions (which connects more heavily to important plot points spanning across s4-5). 

Happy belated new year :)

I expect so much hate from this XD

[queerlennon]

Lesley-Ann Jones Is Untrustworthy

So I’ve seen some people in the fandom reading and citing Lesley-Ann Jones’ biography The Search For John Lennon recently and to be honest it’s concerning to me. Lesley Ann Jones has proved in the past to be an extremely untrustworthy source for info about the people she writes about. I understand that it’s exciting to have a book about John that’s not written by the typical “Lennon biographer” type (aka an ageing straight man) and for said book to also promise to shed light and focus on his bisexuality but, if we’re going to analyse John respectfully and accurately, it’s important to identify sources that are biased and untrustworthy, even if they’re technically within our favour. Especially when it relates to his queerness. And seeing as LAJ doesn’t have the best record when it comes to writing about rockstars’ sexualities in a respectful manner, it’s best to treat her words with caution.

Info about exactly how she’s a bad source is under the cut

Firstly, it's key to talk about LAJ's journalistic background when discussing what sort of writer she is: she's worked for papers such as The Sun, The Daily Mail, and The Mail On Sunday. Essentially, the bulk of her work has been for tabloids and traditionally the writing style for those kinds of publications place an emphasis on sensationalism and gossip. Now obviously that doesn’t discredit her work immediately, authors are usually able to write in more than one style so it doesn’t necessarily mean the tabloid style is going to carry over to her biographies; but it’s good to keep in mind when discussing and analysing the legitimacy of the narratives she creates and the stories she recounts in her work. 

LAJ has received criticism in the past, particularly from the queen fandom of often overexaggerating, or just straight presenting false information in her bios about Freddie Mercury. She is the champion of the claim that Freddie was bisexual and not gay. Her evidence for this is over-exaggerating and (seemingly intentionally) misinterpreting the nature of the relationship between Freddie and his friend, Barbara Valentin. LAJ claimed that the two had a relationship and even lived together:

“Barbara was very open with me about the sexual relationship she had with Freddie.”

(x)

(x)

However, no-one in Freddie’s life has ever corroborated that Freddie and Barbara were anything but friends. As for the claim they lived together, according to Peter Freestone, an extremely close friend of Freddie’s:

In the event, Freddie never actually lived there although Barbara fulfilled a huge role in Freddie’s life at that time... Freddie became very disillusioned when with more and more frequency articles were appearing in the German press’s gossip columns... about the relationship between him and Barbara... After one article claiming to have knowledge of him and Barbara getting married, Freddie... concluded that it could only be Barbara who was providing the information.

(x)

This exaggeration of their relationship and the insistence LAJ has on presenting Freddie as bi because of it has attracted criticism from queen fans for obvious reasons. For one, it’s borderline homophobic to essentially lie about a gay man having a relationship with a woman while downplaying his relationships with men. No, she’s not portraying him as a straight man, however it’s still erasure of the specific struggles Freddie would’ve faced being a gay man in his time, therefore those who want to analyse him would be missing some of the picture when trying to understand him and his life

LAJ’s research methods are also... questionable. This is a post from Crystal Taylor (one of Roger Taylor’s roadies) about her methods for her David Bowie bio which, if to be believed is particularly concerning.

(x)

LAJ is also known to greatly exaggerate her own relationships with her subjects. She often claims to have been friends with the people she writes bios about (coincidently the people she does this with are dead.) Back in the day she would meet with artists while on tour so the idea is convincing enough. However besides her word there’s nothing to suggest that she had close friendships with Freddie or Bowie, two people she claimed to be good friends with. There’s also this comment from Brian May which actually goes against the idea that she was close with Freddie:

(x)

So with all of this in mind, let’s look at the quote from The Search For John Lennon that’s been circulating around Beatles tumblr:

That Bowie worshipped Lennon is no secret. He'd banged on about it often enough. The ex-Beatle had gone to his hedonism. They'd met in Los Angeles, during John's Lost Weekend. I lunched from time to time with David in New York while working there as a music journalist, before he married Iman. He lent me his house in Mustique, to write the first draft of my first biography on Freddie Mercury.

The crazy pair went out to play, according to David, when John was on yet another break from May and far away from Yoko. They genderbender-ed about, John indulging again that 'inner fag' of his. What larks.

They later 'hooked up': 'There was a whore in the middle, and it wasn't either of us,' David smirked. 'At some point in proceedings, she left. I think it was a she. Not that we minded.' By the time they made it back to New York, the ambisextrous pair were 'lifelong friends'.

I’m suspicious of this story for several reasons but first I want to make it clear that none of them have to do with John having sex with men or being bisexual. I’m a very firm believer of John’s bisexuality (my username is literally queerlennon lmao) but once again I think it’s good to examine the legitimacy of sources, even when they favour our position.

Firstly, LAJ’s source for this story is the claim that David told her, which considering I can’t find any info about them being friends besides her word, combined with the fact that she’s lied about having close relationships in the past raises a lot of flags.

But even if we assume LAJ isn’t lying and did know Bowie, the quote is still suspect, particularly the line “John was on yet another break from May and far away from Yoko.” According to May in her book Loving John, her and John had only one break from their relationship (the phrase “yet another break” implies multiple) that lasted a week, and for the entirety of that week, John was with Yoko. (x)

Finally, the language LAJ uses to describe John and David’s sexualities not only puts me on edge but very much makes me question her intention. Phrases like “the genderbender-ed about,” “indulged his ‘inner fag,’” and “ambisextrous,” all come across to me as fetishisation. Bisexuality is already very highly fetishised and sexualised and LAJ is most definitely not concerned with deviating from that representation. That phrasing combined with the way she also discusses Freddie’s sexuality, where she’s alleged highly sexualised claims about him having threesomes:

And quite often that involved other people as well. Other men, other women. There would be a number of them in the bedroom at any given time. In fact they were raided by the police once and the police stormed in and they found more people than they were expecting to find in the bed that morning.

(x)

— leads me to believe that LAJ is an author less concerned with exploring John’s sexuality as apart of his life, something that made him who he was, and more concerned with including details about “bisexual threesomes” as shock value, as a sensational point she can use to to promote her book in press tours and interviews. Like a tabloid writer. And this sort disrespect representation of John’s queerness, imo isn’t that much better than the biographers who dismiss or underplay it. I totally understand that for a lot of us, finding out new info about John’s queer identity is exciting, especially for those of us who are queer and identify with a lot with John for that reason, myself included. But we shouldn’t be giving credence and legitimacy to someone who firstly, isn’t trustworthy and secondly who’s reason for talking about it is gross and exploitative at best and biphobic at worst.

tl;dr, LAJ is an incredibly untrustworthy source of info and in her own over exaggerations, treats discussions of queerness in an extremely problematic and exploitive way so please take anything you read from her with a massive grain of salt.

[lassieposting]

I'm mad at myself for asking this but 💘 skug/alt!Serpine

WHEEZES

U CONVERTED

send me 💘 + A SHIP and i’ll tell you—

where they first met and how

KOTW.

Then, after Skug refuses to kill Serpine at the end of SOW, China spitefully makes him responsible for Serpine's behaviour while he's living in Roarhaven. "Parole officer" isn't part of Skug's job description but honestly he doesn't trust anyone else to make sure Serpine doesn't slip the leash, so

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved

I mean, Serpine literally gets his dick out in their very first scene together, and he throws his towel over Val's head so it clearly wasn't for her benefit.

My headcanon is that he did have the hots for his own dimension's Skulduggery before he died. But Serpine has a very warped experience of emotions - he's not insane, and he's not a complete psychopath, but he has very low empathy, an obsessive personality, a considerable sadistic streak and a tendency to be jealous, narcissistic and manipulative. So his crush on Skug was more like an unhealthy fixation - hatred and lust and humiliation and the need to control, all tangled together.

On Skug's side...he has a few lines that read as flirty, in a D/S kind of way. But honestly I don't think this was deliberate. I get the impression he's actually imitating how Serpine spoke to him when he was the prisoner. Serpine's entire arc in SOW can be condensed down to "microdosing on what he put Skug through before killing him". He's surrounded by enemies who want him dead, he loses a body part, he's beaten up, he's humiliated, he's cut off from his magic - and he hates it. I get the vibe that this isn't lost on Skug, and he's repeating things Serpine once mockingly said to him just to rub it in.

who fell for who first ( if applicable )

Serpine.

I have him converting to the Church of the Faceless as a teenager, so he's spent his entire adult life surrounded by other selfish, scheming social climbers who'd sell him to Satan for a corn chip. His relationship history is chock full of psychopaths. He's used to betrayal and being used by his partners - such is life, as a bad guy.

So Skug protecting him during the Leibniz mission makes quite an impact. He even says himself that Skug has every reason to hate him and want to make him suffer - which is an attempt at empathy considerably deeper than anything we've seen from him before - but he's still shocked and devastated when Skug cuts his hand off. He genuinely expected Skug to decide to fight their way out rather than harm him. To me, that says he's come to rely on having Skug in his corner, which is a security net he is decidedly not used to having.

He doesn't necessarily express it very well? His feelings are complicated, and he doesn't understand most of them. A good part of him still hates Skug, just as a good part of Skug will always hate him. But his fixation on Skug shifts a bit - rather than obsessing over him as an enemy, he obsesses over him as an ally. He starts wanting Skug's approval and digging for praise, he gets sulky and jealous if Skug implies he doesn't trust him or goes to someone else for help or information instead, and he starts trying to insert himself into Skug's life.

Basically, he's gotten over that he spent the past 300 years as Skug's enemy, so Skug needs to be over it too. Right now. And it's unreasonable and unfair that he isn't over it.

where their first date was and what it was like

Skug is willing to acknowledge that if they were a couple, which they're not, because they're arch enemies, then maybe, if you really had to look at anything they do as "a date" then...perhaps the first time they went to the opera could in some way be considered their first date. But it wasn't. Because they're not together. He doesn't even like Serpine. Valkyrie just doesn't appreciate "yowling" and he had nobody else to go with because all his friends are dead.

Serpine will agree with this - but only because he knows that announcing that he lowkey considers their three day torture extravaganza to be their first date would go down like a lead balloon.

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? )

They never have a "going steady" discussion. It's just

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away

They're adamant that there's nothing to let anyone know about. They spend a lot of time together, and sometimes Serpine helps with cases, and they angry fuck sometimes, and Skug keeps a few shirts and a toothbrush at Serpine's apartment, but they're not a couple.

who’s more dominant

Skug. Serpine will die mad about it. He complains constantly about how much he gets manhandled during the Leibniz mission, how undignified it is to be cut off from his magic, how everyone tells him to shut up every time he tries to join in a conversation, he hates you all, remember that time he killed people you all cared about?

Unfortunately, Serpine is a massively subby bottom, so dom!Skug makes him deeply horny and even more angry about it. He's the epitome of "Stop looking at my fucking boner when we fight."

where their first kiss was and what it was like

It's New Year's. Serpine is out at a bar with some of his student neighbours because, why not. Skug is at the same bar, questioning the staff about a grizzly murder. The usual. Serpine goes over to say hello and make fun of him for Always Working and tell him he should chill out on occasion because isn't it your fucking birthday and you're still at work??? They're still talking when the countdown finishes and everyone around them starts kissing, which is a completely new concept to Serpine because that tradition wasn't part of the Leibniz dimension's New Year's festivities, so he just sort of panics because everyone else is doing it, grabs Skug by the front of his coat and goes for it.

Skug freezes, because who would know how to react when the man who killed you once tries to go to town on your fake face, and then gets his shit together and promptly arrests Serpine for assaulting a Sanctuary official, because he's petty and he can and Nef needs to learn some fucking boundaries.

They end up lowkey working on the case together through the bars of the temporary holding cell, and although neither of them would admit it, they actually have a good time. At the end of the night Skug relents, lets him out for "good behaviour" and gives him a lift home.

how into pda they are

Serpine is hugely into PDA. He likes a possessive, jealous partner, he's got a bit of an exhibitionistic streak, and ultimately he wants to be wanted enough to be fought over.

Unfortunately for him, Skug is not a PDA fan in the slightest. Serpine finds this bitterly disappointing.

where their usual ‘date spot’ is ( if applicable )

A Roarhaven restaurant with a live jazz band. Serpine likes the food, Skug likes the music, and it's public - so neither of them feels wrongfooted and vulnerable in the other one's territory. Although, as Serpine likes to point out, it would be a bit difficult to torture and dismember a man in his student accommodation apartment. If he can hear Maddie-across-the-hall having muffled sex with her latest beau from the far side of his flat , he's pretty sure the entire building would hear Skug fighting his way out of whatever diabolical trap he seems to think has been set for him every time he comes over.

who’s more protective

Skug is more obviously protective - he protects Serpine almost the entire time in Leibniz, rows with China in defence of his freedom, and (however reluctantly) steps up to help him settle in Roarhaven. But Serpine is territorial, and he can be surprisingly proactive about it. If Skug comes home injured, he can always tell - no matter how much he tries to hide it - because he's seen Skug at his very worst, he knows what 'trying to mask pain' looks like in the set of that jaw and the grit in that voice. He doesn't like anyone else playing with his toys, so sometimes he'll get very angry and lash out at whoever damaged Skug in the first place.

(He also tends to hover at the clinic like a particularly irritating bad smell. He insists it's because he just finds Skug's pain amusing. He's not concerned. Not in the slightest. He doesn't care at all. No, he will not go home.)

how long it is before they sleep together ( can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’ )

They first hook up a few months after returning from Leibniz, but it's a half-dressed up-against-a-wall sort of thing and neither of them sticks around for pillow talk. They don't actually share a bed - as in, fall asleep together - until at least a year later. Technically, the first time they fall asleep together, they're on a stakeout and Serpine dozes off on Skug's shoulder, then wakes up with a cricked neck.

if they argue about anything

Literally everything, 90% of their interactions are arguing. Bickering and snark is the only way they know how to communicate.

who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. )

Serpine loves leaving marks and doesn't mind getting them, either. He's territorial and has an exhibitionist streak, so he likes everyone knowing who he belongs to, and he's deeply thirsty over the idea of everyone knowing Skug belongs to him.

Unfortunately, Skug is not easy to leave marks on. Any hickies he gives the facade will disappear as soon as Skug turns it off. Some of his scars still show, though - the ones that scored his bones - so at least there's that.

who steals whose clothes and how often

They're not too different in size, so they could probably both get away with it, but everything Skug owns was tailored for him and Nef is narrower in the shoulders, so Skug's shirts don't look quite right on him. That doesn't stop him borrowing a couple to wear around the house, though. He has no stored wealth in this dimension, so he's wearing off the rack until he can get his feet under him again, and Skug's shirts are all obnoxiously fine fabric. It would be silly not to steal a few.

how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? )

They're not that cuddly. They do have occasional moments of softness, but it's more likely to be, like. A shoulder bump. Fixing each other's shirt collar. Tending an injury with a minimum of mockery. They do a fair bit of this when no one's watching, though.

what their favourite nonsexual activity is

Bickering.

They also both like working cases. The Sanctuary won't officially hire Serpine because he is who he is, but when Skug hits a dead end in a case or has something that's really frustrating him, they'll go over it together. 400 years of enmity aside, their minds work in similar ways, and they're both very good at that sort of thing - if they hadn't met on opposite sides of the battlefield, they probably would have gotten along very well.

how long they stay mad at each other

They've never actually not been mad at each other. They're just all each other has left because all their friends are dead.

what their usual coffee / tea orders are

Initially, both black - maximum stimulants for Skug, maximum edginess for Serpine. But then he discovers Starbucks, and all the fancy things mortals are doing with coffee these days, and starts branching out into what Skug calls "frilly froufrou nonsense". After that his drinks are like 95% sugar and syrup.

if they ever split up and / or get back together

They never officially split up. This is mostly because neither of them will admit being together in the first place. They absolutely go through phases of being far more enemies than fuckbuddies, and they know how to push each other's buttons and hurt each other like no one else. This ship is comedic and incredibly toxic in turns.

what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? )

They don't live together. Serpine has no idea where Skug lives, and Skug wants to keep it that way. Serpine's flat is technically student accommodation - he just needed somewhere the landlord was too young to remember him from the war - so when Skug crashes there it's usually cramped and noisy and there's a revolving door of neighbours knocking on to ask to borrow some milk/loo roll/"hey, you're old, help me with my history thesis?"/"Are you coming out tonight?"

All Serpine's neighbours think he's a sex worker - to them, he seems to have a different well-dressed sugar daddy staying over every week. They keep trying to set him up an OnlyFans. Skug finds all this very amusing.

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was like

Christmas was banned in Leibniz (as a religious holiday of a banned religion) so Nef hasn't celebrated since he converted in his teens, but he gets into it, because it's an excuse for a party and nobody is policing him. Skug is his usual grinchy grouchy self. Nef also celebrates several holidays that Skug isn't familiar with that were commonplace in Leibniz, but are only observed by strict Faceless worshippers in Roarhaven.

what their names are in each other’s phones

Skug is an old man about his contacts, so Nef is just "Nefarian Serpine".

Serpine, on the other hand, has recently discovered emojis, so Skug is "💀🍆".

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first

Who falls asleep first varies; Serpine is a night owl and likes to go to bed in the early hours of the morning, but Skug has some really fucked up working hours, so a lot of the time he's awake long after even the night owls have gone to bed. But it's always Skug who wakes up first - Serpine is Absolutely Not a morning person. He fits right in with the students in his building who have to be coaxed from under the quilt by the smell of frying bacon.

Skug, because he enjoys the odd opportunity to be an asshole, will sometimes wake him with a cup of coffee, and sometimes by holding a flame up to the fire alarm. Variety is the spice of life, Nefarian, didn't anyone ever tell you that?

who’s the big spoon / little spoon

Cuddling is fairly new to Serpine. He's always enjoyed sex, but he has a solid tendency to jump into bed with the enemy - as shown by his laundry list of Resistance conquests - so he's never really gone for relationships where cuddling is a thing. He's more into the "forbidden passion" sort of dynamic.

Skug is a cuddler, but not so much in this particular relationship, for obvious and understandable reasons. Serpine does figure out though that he can burrow under Skug's arm while he's half-asleep or in a postcoital fugue state and Skug will just sort of let him, so he's probably the little spoon.

who hogs the bathroom

Both of them.

Serpine lives in a tiny one bed flat in a student building. His bathroom is miniscule. And when Skug stays over, they're both crammed in there first thing, Serpine trying to shave and do his hair and Skug elbowing him out of the way to cycle through facades until he finds one that's handsome enough to leave the house in. They bicker horrendously the entire time. It's a logistical nightmare.

who kills the spiders / takes them outside

Nef kills them. Not because he knows Skug's not a fan, but because he's not allowed to torment humans anymore, so. Last time he checked, killing spiders wasn't an arrestable offence, Skulduggery, stop looking at him like that.

[one-abuse-survivor]

Hi, disassociation anon here! Ah, it seems when I actually gain some footing in my life, the world around me crumbles😅 Aka, guess who's stuck on the wrong side of the russian-ukrainian war and now has to deal with my abusive brother being violently pro-patriotic and an increased amount of conflicts and abuse going on in the house because of the ideological differences and the economy slowly crumbling around us. My plans to go to a desired uni fell through because of the sanctions, everything is slowly going to shit and half of the essentials are missing from shops, but somehow I'm able to keep my cool despite still planning to go into medicine, which would mean that if things go to shit completely I'll be among the first ones they'll send to die (doctors are technically part of the military here and are immediately summoned in case of a conflict)

Despite all of... Well, that, I only disassociatied like once, and that was for a short two hours! For some reason, this is the time my positive outlook on life, which was lost about 10 years ago, decided to return. Probably as a coping mechanism lmao but not complaining

And how are you doing?)

Hi! Disassociation anon here with an unfortunate update, this one will get heavy✌🏻

Things only keep getting worse and worse - not only in the country, but also in my house. My family, who had already been capital A assholes before complete with racism, homophobia, transphobia as well as shitty abusive personalities have been brainwashed by the propaganda (it's insane, I've literally heard my mother say that genocide is okay, what the fuck). Soooo due to that their violent tendencies have exploded.

In the past two weeks my brother has: come home shaking with rage and screamed that he would kill our mother and then himself by the end of the day (I texted some friends and prepared to run if shit hit the fan), stated that he "should've killed me the first time he pointed a gun at me", has started to regularly attempt to harm me and threaten to hurt me or break my bones, and now he's brought another gun in the house claiming that it "needed maintenance". Ha. As if I can't see through his bullshit. So anyway now I regularly have to worry if my own family member will murder me. Yay!

My mother has gotten even more verbally and physically abusive - hitting him, holding screaming matches and rountinely calling both of us a failure and the reason of her misery.

Worst thing is - I'm stuck. My plan was to lay low until graduation and start working in the summer (since I can't exactly do that with 12 hour school days which drain every bit of energy out of me) to hopefully save up enough to move out in some time, but with the economy crashing looks like that might not happen. So... Any tips for searching jobs or maybe working online? A single dollar can get you quite far with the current state of my country's economy so anything will do but I don't even know where to start. I'm sure I'll be fine (unless my brother goes into a murderous rage and kills me) but if you have any words of support as well that would be greatly appreciated¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hope you have a nice day, sorry for the depressing ask✌🏻

Hi again, nonnie, and really sorry I took so long to reply. 

What you’re going through right now sounds so horrible I honestly don’t have the words, and I have no idea what I could say that could help. I just really hope you’re safe and okay right now. Please remember it’s okay to do anything you need to do to keep yourself safe from your brother and from your family at large.

Unfortunately, when it comes to job searching I don’t have any advice to give :( maybe some of my followers might have some ideas?

Sending the biggest hug and all my love and support your way. I’m really sorry this is happening. I hope things start to look up for you soon and you can take some steps to get yourself out of that house :(

[collecting-stories]

3am Friend - c. 01 - Topper Thornton

Summary: Topper and y/n have been in a “friends with benefits” relationship since September but the line between friendship and something more are already starting to blur. 

A/N: This is basically four chapters: Fall, Winter, Spring, and Summer. Also it’s going to be a bit of a practice run at writing more smut for me lol. Also it’s smut like, right under the cut lol. 

Sophomore Year Masterlist | Outer Banks Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

What were you doing with your life...

You bit down on your bottom lip to stifle a moan as Topper’s tongue pressed against your clit, the cold tiled wall of the shower stall pressing into your back had your skin erupting in goosebumps, a contrast to the almost burning water that was hitting you. It was futile to bother concealing whatever noises Topper managed to pull out of you, the curtains of the shower stalls did little to shield their occupants from the rest of the communal bathroom, the plastic more often than not creating the perfect outline of whoever decided to use the showers. There would be no mistaking you, pressed against the wall, one leg tossed over Topper’s shoulder, his own figure silhouetted, kneeling in front of you with his hands digging into your hips.  

If anyone did find you there was a 90% chance that they weren’t just going to let you off with a ‘sorry for intruding while some guy eats you out in the shower’ but any concern you actually had about the consequences of your hookup had died the minute Topper had joined you in the shower stall. Technically he’d texted you to come over to his dorm, he lived right off the main campus, close to your building, in a still operational fraternity house. He split a room with some guy who liked to stare but never actually talk when you came around. Yours was not a relationship of anything substantial. You’d hooked up with Topper at a party and exchanged numbers and, two days later, responded to a very obvious booty call at one in the morning.  

“Holy shit!” You cursed, your voice coming out an octave higher than usual, fingers gripping Topper’s short blond hair. You could feel every muscle in your body tense as you tried to keep yourself upright, your other hand grabbing hold of the dial on the faucet in a desperate attempt to not completely fall apart as Topper sucked on your clit. He had moved one of his hands at some point, middle finger now moving rhythmically in and out of your entrance, working you through an orgasm.  

When you came down, your muscles relaxing and you pushing back against the wall to keep yourself steady, leg slipping off Topper’s shoulder, he stood up. He caged you in almost immediately, moving as close as possible in the stall and kissing you, the salty taste of cum still there on his mouth. “That pad really comes in handy,” he teased, referring to the silicone mat you’d bought two weeks earlier to scrub your feet without trying to do a yoga pose in the shower.  

You hummed, “I’ll leave that in my review on Amazon. Great for not bruising your knees.” When he kissed you again you smiled, eyes fluttering closed for a split second. This was the worst part. The part when you ran out of things to say and he would untangle himself from your arms and leave, promise to text you later.  

It was the thing that your roommate had warned you about in the beginning that you had ignored.  

“That’s like, not even friends with benefits though.” She had admonished when you told her for the first time that you had started this bizarre relationship with Topper. “I mean, you’re literally having casual sex with some rando guy that you hooked up with at a party. At a frat party. Do you even fucking know anything about him?”

“I know his name,” you had replied, rummaging through your closet to find something to wear to class, “and his phone number so I can booty call him.”

“Brilliant.” She snapped, “he could be some fucking weirdo axe murderer preying on college girls.”  

You rolled your eyes, “he’s the same age as us.” You had never been one for casual sex in your life until this point and you weren’t sure why it seemed enticing now but you wanted to branch out a little. You’d gotten your first boyfriend in ninth and you’d stuck with him until August of this, your sophomore year of college. He broke up with you, claiming the distance between your school and his was too much for him to deal with.  

It was your roommate that had dragged you to the party at the fraternity house, claiming that it would get your mood up after the guy you’d been with for the last five years decided he couldn’t do the 2 hour commute between your school and his. Three shots of tequila later and the blond you couldn’t take your eyes off of asking if you wanted to ‘go somewhere quiet’ were all the motivation you needed to put the past behind you and stop groveling over a guy who wasn’t even there.  

Still, the fact remained, even now as Topper put his hands on your hips, looking at you through the mirror and kissing the back of your head, you knew that casual sex was not your forte. Not simply because you had never done it before but because you found yourself craving those small, just after when the bubble had broken yet and there was still some lingering affection, moments as much as you craved the sex. But you had both agreed, casual. Something to take your mind off school for a few hours, a stress relief. For you it was more than that. You’d never been the most confident when it came to sex or your body, all that self-love/self-care crap was wasted on you and your gnawing insecurities. Having casual sex was like constantly challenging yourself to be your most exposed and most intimate with someone who was still relatively a stranger to you.  

“You know I think it was technically supposed to be my turn,” you mentioned, running the wide-toothed comb through your hair. You should’ve detangled in the shower except that wasn’t really top priority. What would you even say, ‘oh, would you mind not eating me out for a second so I can brush my hair’…you’d live with the awkward waves that dried in.  

“I thought we switched.” Topper shrugged, pulling his sweatpants back on. His shirt went over his head and you involuntarily pouted at the mirror, there went the view.  

“No, I said…this doesn’t technically count.” You replied, referring to the party three nights earlier and the head you’d given to avoid having actual sex on your period. You were at the tail end and you’d contemplated not going to the frat house at all but changed your mind at the last moment.  

“Hey, if you’re offering, I’m not gonna turn you down.” He joked.  

You turned to look at him, the mirror not sufficing as you stuck your tongue out playfully. “I have a test tomorrow, I have to study.”  

“Come over, you can study in my room. We’ll hang out.”  

“We are incapable of hanging out Topper.” You replied, grabbing your shower caddy and heading for the door. He walked right out after you, both of you ignoring the rather appreciative stare of one of the other girls on your floor.  

“Not true,” he’d suffered a nasty break-up in high school that he gave no more background to other than to say she had cheated on him extensively. Casual seemed to be the best he could allow himself to do though you weren’t sleeping with anyone else and, as far as you knew, neither was he.  

Your roommate looked up from her desk, rolling her eyes at the sight of Topper following you into your dorm. In the beginning of September, when this first started, it felt like you only ever disappeared at night. You saw Topper when he texted you and you might smile in the café but you never actively sought each other out. Now it was creeping toward November though, with Halloween right around the corner, and Topper felt like an accessory. He was always right there wherever you were, not that you were complaining. To anyone on the outside you looked like a couple but you both maintained the friends with benefits story.  

“Oh look who it is.” Almost two whole months of him and your roommate still greeted Topper with a disdainful glare. She was fervent in her belief that the guy you thought was damn near perfect (if only he’d actually date you) was hiding some deep-seated flaw.  

“Hey G,” Topper greeted, taking a seat on your bed as if he couldn’t tell just how annoyed your roommate was.  

-

Geena and you had been thrown together after enduring a freshman year from hell. Her roommate from the year prior had been awful, like caging yourself in with some 00’s mean girl who only found satisfaction in watching you suffer. Your own freshman roommate had been neurotic about the dorm and constantly scrutinized whether your cleaning methods were sufficient. Geena was a blessing, you got along well, hung out all the time, had become fast friends in the short time since the beginning of the semester. Topper was the only thing you didn’t agree on. She thought it was unhealthy, that it would only lead to heartbreak.  

“You can’t have casual sex with a guy for three years…people already think you’re dating. Some girl I don’t even know asked me if I could get her into a Phi Sig party next week cause my roomie is dating one of the guys.” There was a new reason almost daily with Geena, like she tore away a new page on the calendar and it offered up cons to your relationship with Topper in lieu of a word for the day.  

“I can ask for her.”  

“Oh my god, that is not the point.” She snapped.  

You sighed, “I don’t really care if people think we’re dating.”

“Why?” She asked the question so smugly you already knew where she was going with this. And you knew why it didn’t bother you that people thought you were dating, why you sometimes even fanned that flame.  

“G-“

“No, tell me why? People usually keep that shit quiet so they can hook-up with other people too. So why don’t you care?”  

“Because if people think we’re dating…they won’t try to date him.” You shrugged, practically mumbling the last part. You hated that she knew that off the bat, that she could tell that you liked him so much in such a short span of time. And you knew she had a point to all her antagonizing. You had been in too deep since two weeks into September when he told you that you looked pretty in something your ex always said made you look fat.  

-

You held the seam of your towel shut as you rummaged through the set of plastic drawers underneath your bed. Geena had done the bed on risers thing for optimal storage and you had followed along, semi grateful for the added space since both of you seemed inclined to transport your entire bedroom with you. Topper’s foot nudged your side as you got closer to him and you looked up, matching his smile when you caught him staring at you. You were sure Geena was sitting behind you rolling her eyes.  

“Guess I’ll go grab something to eat.” She announced, as if your very presence had worn her down.  

“I’m just getting changed, I think we’re heading over to Topper’s.” You replied, looking back over your shoulder at her.  

Geena scrunched her nose and stood up anyway, “still would rather not be here while you got dressed so I don’t have to pretend like I can’t see this one leering at you.” She shot Topper a look of contempt as she passed. If it was real, if he asked you out and he was really, actually, your boyfriend, Geena was positive she’d have no problems with him. He seemed like alright and he certainly made you happier and more confident than she’d seen you in the beginning of the year. But she hated the thought of you getting hurt and didn’t want to be just sitting on the sidelines watching it happen.

“I don’t leer.” He joked, turning back to you once she was out the door, “I don’t leer.”

You didn’t answer, instead grabbing your underwear out of the top drawer and pulling them on once the door was shut. The first time you had ever gotten dressed with Topper around you’d made sure that you were obscured from view, still too bashful and self-conscious of the way that you looked without clothes on. There was still that split second moment when you doubted yourself, when you thought about maneuvering your towel to hide your body from view, as if after two months Topper might suddenly look at you and decide he didn’t like the softness of your stomach or the width of your hips or any other imperfection you could find.  

You pushed through the voice though, dropping your towel and getting dressed. When you reached for the bralette your tossed on the bed beside him you realized he was looking at you. “G might have a point, maybe I should turn around.” You teased, his eyes snapping up to meet yours.  

“I’m admiring the view.” Topper replied, not at all embarrassed at being caught.  

You rolled your eyes, pulling your bralette on and adjusting your boobs until it sat right. “I don’t even know why I’m putting this on,” you mentioned, grabbing his sweatshirt to pull on over it, “I should just stop wearing underwear to your room and then I won’t ever lose it.”  

“You lose stuff? Whose wearing my hoodie right now?” He asked, grabbing the edge of the hood to pull you closer to him.  

“Your room has swallowed three of my bras...the nice ones too. Or Will like, took them.” You said.  

If there was some kind of formal set of rules that you and Topper had ever thought to draft, kissing outside of actually having sex with each other should have qualified as a major no. But nothing of the sort had ever been discussed and now, Topper leaned over, stealing a quick kiss before he got off your bed. Maybe now didn’t count as a ‘just friends’ moment though since technically you were heading back to his room, presumably to have sex. To finish what he’d started when he showed up seconds before you got a shower.  

“What would Will need your bras for?”

“To masturbate over? Who knows...all I’m saying is, I wear bras to your room, I never seem to leave with them.” You replied.  

“I promise I will find all your missing bras today, okay?” He grabbed your lanyard off the hook, keys and wallet all in one place, pulling the door open for you. “Wanna grab pizza later?”  

You chewed on your bottom lip, waiting a beat to answer him. Grabbing pizza meant, inevitably, hanging out after. Becoming friends was unavoidable, there was no way that either of you could have navigated sleeping together without some sort of relationship forming. So far it was only friendship, or at least that was all either of you were willing to let it be. Anything more than that meant an actual romantic relationship forming, something you wanted but were determined not to let yourself even entertain the idea of.  

“Fine but not from that place by Barnaby's.” You replied, pushing the door open and stepping out into the quad with him. The local bar was always teeming with college students and the last thing you wanted was someone recognizing Topper, because everyone always seemed to recognize Topper, and invite the two of you in.  

“We’ll just get it delivered.” He shrugged.  

The first time you met Topper, enough to tequila to not make you totally embarrassed as you danced with Geena in the main room of the Phi Sig frat house, you had laughed when he told you his name. It was a combination of the heels you borrowed from another girl on your floor and the alcohol that had you losing your footing, catching yourself in time not to smash your whole body into a coffee table, and landing on the couch beside Topper. He was taking a sip of beer and looked relatively startled when some almost drunk girl fell into the spot next to him.  

“Sorry!” You’d shouted over the bass as you tried to undo the straps of the heels that you were sure were also guilty of twisting your ankle.  

When he introduced himself two sentences later, “I’m Topper” you couldn’t resist a good dad-joke and smiled at him, “but I hardly know her!”

“Amazing.” He had been less amused by the joke than you were though he didn’t really seem bothered by it, at least not bothered enough to move on because he stayed on the couch for three more turns of the conversation before asking if you wanted to talk elsewhere. You were sober enough to know exactly what he meant and obliged because you were still kinda pissed at your ex and you didn’t want this year to pass the same as last year had, with nothing but school work to show as a passing of time.  

At least you’d have a good story to tell.  

Highschool you had a healthy apprehension of frat houses and the people who lived in them. You’d seen enough episodes of CSI, Law and Order, Veronica Mars, and any other crime show that existed in the early 00’s to know that frat houses were breeding grounds for terrible things. Your parents had even attempted to sway you from going to your first-choice college simply because the greeks still existed on campus. You could only imagine what they’d think now, knowing that you had spent more time in Topper’s room than you had in your own in the last month at least.  

Frat houses might’ve been sordid in your mind but so far, your reality of this one was exactly what it looked like on the surface, a bunch of guys living together with limited supervision. You still stuck to Topper whenever you were inside but you’d never had a problem with anyone in there and you rightly assumed that most of them just figured you were his girlfriend.  

“Will told me he wants that TA position next year, with Prof Berkley.” You mentioned, flopping back onto Topper’s bed and tilting your head so you could look over to the empty other side of the room that belonged to his roommate. Aside from staring at you too much and possibly stealing your bras, you still had a hunch that Topper was just messing with you and had them stashed away somewhere, Will was alright. You were both in the same area of study, pre-law, and he had told you days earlier that he was gunning for the same TA position with your advisor as you were.  

“I don’t know anything about it.” Topper replied, kicking his slides off and climbing onto his bed with you. The countdown in your head started now, hopefully soon you would be naked.  

“Yes, you do because I literally told you about it at breakfast.” You pointed out. He’d texted you that morning to get coffee with him and you ignored Geena when she told you that sex-friends don’t get coffee together. “I said I was applying for the TA spot because it’s a massive opportunity.”  

“Sounds like something I don’t have an opinion on.” He said, rolling over so that he could kiss you. “Enough chit-chat.”

“You’ve got a one-track mind Thornton.” You joked, moving your arms above your head as he pulled his sweatshirt off of you.  

“Well can I interest you in getting on that track with me?” He replied, lips brushing over your neck as he spoke. You hadn’t bothered to put on any makeup before you left your dorm, you hadn’t even bothered to dry your hair all the way. But who were you to worry about things like that when Topper was pushing your bralette up over your head.  

You jerked slightly, wriggling around on the bed when the fabric got caught half way up your arms, binding them above your head and covering your face, Topper taking advantage of the moment and sucking one of your nipples into his mouth, tongue swirling around it as you arched your back into him. “Topper!” You whined.  

He hummed, pulling away from you to take the bralette the rest of the way off and tossing it off the bed, “sorry, couldn’t resist.” He said, smiling at you as if he truly couldn’t resist. The thought made butterflies erupt in your stomach.  

You didn’t let yourself have the moment though, pulling him in for a kiss the moment he had untangled you, hand on the back of his neck as you ran your tongue against his bottom lip, biting gently as you pulled away. Topper held himself up on one elbow, his other hand pushing passed your sweatpants.  

“Always right down to business,” you teased.  

“What do you want me to take you out first?” He was joking, you knew that, but the way he said almost sounded like he truly would take you out if you wanted him to. But then what would this be, if you had dinner before you hooked up.

“Some foreplay would be nice.” You kept the conversation light, the way you always did, and he laughed.  

“I thought the shower was foreplay.”  

You would’ve answered, thought of something witty to make him laugh again, but he had pushed your underwear to the side, fingers pushing passed your folds to brush your clit. He made the same satisfied hum that he always did when he realized that you were wet, like a quiet pat on the back. His middle finger circled your clit, a barely there shudder of nerves setting off in your stomach as you moaned.  

“I was supposed to,” you managed as he shifted further down the bed and you realized what he was doing.  

“We have plenty of time.” He promised, pressing a kiss to your stomach.  

Topper hadn’t seriously dated anyone since his break-up with Sarah. Kelce told him constantly that he was putting too much on that relationship, as if it was the holy grail by which to rate every other relationship that he had. And maybe he was allowing himself to be too scorned by something that lasted little more than a summer but he couldn’t help it. Topper was nothing if not a hopeless romantic and that had felt like such an idealistic time in his life until it all inevitably crashed around him.  

He tried casual hook-ups before you. A few girls from high school that he knew that made it practically impossible for the casual to still exist alongside the hook-up. College was easier but freshman year had been mostly dedicated to rushing the fraternity that his dad and grandfather and great grandfather had all rushed before him. Then he met you at a party in the beginning of sophomore year and he told himself it was casual but he knew that this was far from it.  

You weren’t anything like Sarah and maybe he had done that on purpose. Specifically slept with someone that didn’t remind him of anyone back home as some way to separate himself from that part of his life. To fully embody the frat boy, jock, life he was trying to live through. He figured it would just be a onetime thing and then maybe a sometime thing but now it was most definitely an all the time thing. Kelce told him that he should just ask you out but Topper felt like he was in too deep already.  

This was supposed to be strictly friends with benefits, if he crossed that line and you said no he would be crushed.  

“Topper,” you moaned, bringing him back to the moment. You shuddered as he pulled his fingers out of you, placing a kiss just below your belly button. When you tugged at the short blond hairs at the back of his head he shifted, letting you lead him back up so that you could kiss him.  

You had told him specifically that it was your turn, as if he really cared about taking turns at all. “That’s the whole point, isn’t it? You don’t have some fussy girlfriend bitching about giving you head.” Rafe’s colourful comments about the situation had been largely ignored but Topper knew, less crudely, he was right. The whole reason the two of you had started this was for sex of any kind and you had been the one to suggest taking turns.  

“My ex wasn’t very forthcoming with praise. He always told me I was kinda shitty at sucking dick so, maybe it’d be kinda nice to practice.” It’s been a colourful sentiment, one you had felt oddly comfortable sharing with Topper when the two of you first sat in his room discussing the arrangement.  

And while he wholeheartedly disagreed with your ex-boyfriend, Topper just liked being the one to give. He liked that moment when everything overwhelmed you enough that you let go and stopped worrying about if you looked attractive in a certain position or if your thighs were too big or if you had any unwanted rolls. That split second between overthinking and not thinking at all was powerful and Topper liked being the one who caused it. He liked the way you looked in his bed, biting your bottom lip to keep quiet so other guys in the house didn’t hear you. The way your hair tangled just from laying on your back. He could list a million things, every one more obscure, less noticeable, than the last because he felt like when you were around all he could do was pay attention.  

“Hey, quit daydreaming about Hailey Bieber-“ you teased as Topper’s movements slowed down, his lips brushing languidly against your collar like he was in some lethargic trance.  

He squeezed your side, baring his teeth to nip at your neck, scraping them across your skin and making you laugh as you turned your head towards his. That lazy smile you got was there, eyes hooded as you watched him, the moment passed and he leaned in to kiss you again. When he broke away it was only to grab a condom from the box on his dresser.  

Topper pushed your legs apart, settling between them. He slipped one hand beneath your back, guiding it into an arch to bring your chest closer to him, mouth finding one of your breasts. His tongue pressed against your nipple, swirling around it as you dug your nails in the sheets beneath you. He looked up at you, eyes hooded, as he pushed you back down against the bed. “God,” he breathed out, “you’re so fucking gorgeous.”  

You grabbed the back of Topper’s neck, pulling him into a kiss, slower than the ones before, more tender. Your other hand moved down between your bodies, finding his dick, enjoying the way he moaned against your mouth as you guided him in. Despite the orgasm he’d given you in the shower you still felt that stretch as he pushed in, kissing across your jaw and sucking a bruise into the space just behind your ear.  

You would never tell Geena but somewhere between quick hook-ups and longer nights together your ‘just casual sex’ had turned into something else, something far more meaningful though neither of you would acknowledge it.  

Instead you just held onto him, nails scratching a trail down his back as he found a rhythm, Instead, you just held onto him, nails scratching a trail down his back as he found a rhythm, hips snapping against yours. The sound of your panting breath and his grunts filled the room; you bit your lip to stop yourself from moaning when Topper’s fingers dipped passed your folds to massage your clit.  

“Oh god, Topper,” you whined, turning your face enough to press your cheek into Topper’s pillow, the faint smell of his cologne hitting your nose. You breathed in, always a fan of the subtle musk.  

“Does that feel good baby?” His lips brushed your ear as he spoke, words barely registering over the sensation of him. You opened your legs a little further, lifting your knee and hooking your leg over his back. The angle seemed to give more depth and his movements picked up speed. His fingers circled your clit faster as he continued to whisper words of encouragement to you. A quiet “come on baby, I know you’re close”.  

“Are you?”  

His comment had seemingly brought you just out of the haze enough to ask him if he was close. You knew you were, he knew you were, and you wanted him to be there too, just on that edge with you. As he pulled out you clenched around him and when he pushed back in it felt deeper than before, that all too familiar groan of satisfaction leaving his lips as you guided him back into a kiss. He didn’t answer your question, instead taking the opportunity to kiss you, tongue working it’s way into your mouth and dragging across your teeth. You found your grip on his hair, tugging hard enough that he jerked his hips in retaliation, hitting so deep you felt yourself go off that edge, his motion become erratic as he followed, smoothing your scream with another kiss, biting your bottom lip as he pulled away.  

There was always a moment of frenzy in the beginning when you first started hooking up. You would rush to grab your clothes, partially because you felt the need to leave when the act was done and partially because you didn’t want him to linger too long on your body. You were a temporary fix for a problem he didn’t feel like dealing with on his own, he wasn’t responsible for making you feel good about yourself. He wasn’t your boyfriend, he wasn’t obligated to tell you that you were beautiful or lavish any compliment onto you at all, not that your ex had ever been willing to either. You didn’t stay, for the first few weeks you trudged back across the lawn from the frat house, back to the dorms, and snuck in. But things had changed by mid October and what was once a booty call at one in the morning when he couldn’t sleep was now you going over for pizza and a study session that turned into an afternoon spent in his bed.  

“What time is Will back?” You asked, sitting up as Topper came back into the room with two water bottles. There was still that awkward moment just after sex, as if neither of you knew how to leave behind the intimacy of the act and return to normal life. Like you were both waiting for the other to admit that maybe just friends wasn’t really what you wanted at all. So he disappeared downstairs to get water and you pulled your underwear and his sweatshirt back on, leaving the bra somewhere on the floor.  

The empty other side of the room served as a poignant reminder that time alone was only ever temporary.  

“Not sure,” he shrugged, “he’s been talking about some girl on campus that he’s dating. Won’t reveal her name apparently, he’s convinced Fitz will try to fuck with them if he finds out.” His fraternity brothers were not the same as hanging out with Kelce and Rafe every day but they weren’t the worst substitutes for entertainment. Fitz was the head of the house, a senior whose greatest claim to fame was being party to a wildly controversial radio-show that amounted to nothing more than some white guys imitating Rush Limbaugh and the Douche from Parks & Rec. He said dumb shit just to piss people off and had an unappreciated proclivity for trying to ruin any relationship one of his brothers found themselves in.  

Will was always an easy target for him though he’d set his sights on you a few times, assuming like others did, that you and Topper were dating. You had never mentioned it to Topper, Fitz was gross and you were looking forward to his inevitable graduation at the end of May.  

“Fitz totally would,” you replied. Last year you existed on no one’s radar. You hadn’t so much as gotten an offer to go out on a date with someone and yet this year, all because of Topper, you were sure, it felt like everyone in his circle seemed to pay attention to you in some way. “He told me he prank called Will’s mom two weeks ago pretending to be the on campus nurse for a bit on his radio show.”  

Topper looked up from his phone and the pizza he was ordering, frown etched onto his features. “When did you talk to Fitz?”  

“His econ class is right down the hall from my 12:30 poly sci class…he always ‘walks with me across campus’ in case I get mugged apparently.” You laughed, “I think he just does it cause he knows we hang out.”  

“I didn’t know he was talking to you.”  

You shrugged, Fitz had been goading you for weeks but it wasn’t anything that felt harmful. Just some mind-numbingly dumb conversation about parties and girls and his radio show and how hot he apparently thought you were. “It’s not a big deal, if he was bothering me I probably would’ve said something.”  

“Right,” Topper still looked miffed despite having no reason to be. You weren’t interested in Fitz and, even if you were, what say did he have over it. That old familiar feeling crept in though, the one he recognised as the same one that the plagued him after Wheezie told him that Sarah had cheated on the boyfriend before him only to find out that she had cheated on him with John B. When he looked over you were pouting at him, “what?”

“Your room is so cold.” You replied, pulling the sleeves of your sweatshirt over your hands as if that was an indication of the frigid temperature. The old house lacked insulation in most of the rooms, Topper’s being one of them.  

He rolled his eyes, climbing back into bed with you, the momentary worry subsiding. You weren’t his girlfriend but in that moment, as he pulled the blankets around the two of you, guiding you back down to lay with him under the covers, he could have fooled even himself about the relationship. He held his arm out in front of both of you so that you could see his phone and the menu for the pizza place.  

“I’ve been really in the mood for pepperoni.” You mused, not bothering to look at the screen and opting instead to tuck your face into his bare collar. Your hand slipped down from his chest and Topper grabbed your wrist before you could make it to his briefs.  

“Pizza first,” he said, “you’re already getting sleepy.”  

“It’s cause I’m cold.” You insisted.  

He turned to place a kiss on your forehead, “pizza.” He reminded you again.  

-

Halloween weekend creeped up and, before you knew it, Phi Sig was decorated and advertising a Halloween haunted house party for everyone on campus. Geena was going home on the actual night of to trick or treat with her sister but she agreed to go to the party with you that weekend. She loved a good party and any excuse to dress up.  

When you weren’t spending time with Topper, and sometimes when you were because he had a tendency to hang out just to hang out (the friends side of the benefit), you and Geena marathoned episodes of Supernatural. And it was at  her coaxing that your Halloween costume became an homage to the show and your favorite character. A semi-loosely interpreted Dean Winchester, complete with a flannel over your black tank top and the mark of Cain crafted by Geena using her best fx makeup skills. You wore cut-off jean shorts with your hiking boots, showing off the legs that you were usually self-conscious about. Geena was Cas, sticking a little closer to the actual costume though she made a few alterations.  

“I gotta ask…” Fitz said, coming up to the two of you the moment you were in the door, as if he was the greeting committee.  

“I’m Dean Winchester.” You explained, “G’s Cas.”  

“You dressed like a guy for Halloween?” Fitz clarified. “I was hoping for something that showed a little more…” he made a motion with his hands to indicate that the little more he wanted to see were your boobs.  

“I have the obligatory sexy cat costume but that’s…” you looked passed Fitz’s shoulder, eyes landing on Topper down the hall chatting with some friends, a smile instantly lighting up your face, “that’s for his eyes only.”  

Fitz looked behind him, catching sight of his frat brother and rolling his eyes before turning back to you, “yeah well, if Thornton’s not appreciative then you know where to find me.”  

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you laughed, stepping around him. Geena had broken off already, heading for the keg that had been set up in the corner. When you started down the hall Fitz found someone else to antagonise, leaving you to vie for Topper’s attention, not that it took you much. Just walking up had him breaking his concentration to look at you, the smile automatic. “Hey,” you greeted as he hugged you, keeping his arm around your waist as he brought you into the conversation.  

“Hey, you look great.” He praised, offering you some of his beer. Topper’s costume was best described as JFK yachting in Hyannis. He looked like a preppy New England white boy and you suspected it was all clothing he already owned thrown together differently. There was always that slight air of prep to him though college and a growing collection of hoodies were slowly eating away at that.  

“Thanks, I feel a little out of place,” you joked, noting a girl down the hall that was wearing a mock up of Amanda Seyfried’s bunny costume from Mean Girls. “Though I do have a costume change saved for later.”  

“Oh yeah,” that smile was a full blown mischievous grin and you wondered for a split-second how down he would be to ditch the whole party and take you to his room. “Does it involve these clothes on my floor?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” You teased.  

You had been stressing over the purchase of a costume that could’ve been more accurately described as lingerie since it arrived at your dorm a week earlier. Did friends with benefits buy lingerie sets specifically for showing off? You weren’t sure where that one fell on the line but you were positive you were crossing into territory that was reserved for girlfriends. But even with those doubts, just the thought of Topper seeing you in something that was just for him to see you in somehow made you unable to pass up the opportunity.  

Topper groaned, pulling you closer to him so that he could press his forehead into your neck, “baby,” his voice sounded almost close to whining and you ran a hand through his hair. He nipped at your exposed collar before lifting his head again to look at you. “How long am I supposed to wait?”  

“One track mind, I’ve said it before…I’ll say it again.” You laughed, trying not to think about the way this felt so much like a relationship, pulling away from him but taking his hand, “come on, I wanna get a drink.”  

He followed you to the makeshift bar set up by the keg, refilling his beer while you ladled a generous helping of jungle juice into your cup, trying to fish as many sour patch kids as you could to add to it. You were drinking mostly to calm the nerves that were bubbling up. Geena would be gone Halloween night and the whole next day because she didn’t have classes and you were thinking of inviting Topper to stay over. Regardless of the hour or the amount of time you spent together afterward, the post-coital bliss always came to an end and one of you always left the other. Even if you got breakfast the next day there was a stretch of time that existed between the night before and the morning after where you were nothing to each other but bodies.  

“So, Geena’s going home on Halloween, I thought maybe you could come over,” you suggested. That part was a given.  

Topper looked almost confused that you were asking, “yeah, figured we’d end up hanging out anyway.” He replied.  

“Well…” you worried your bottom lip between your teeth for a moment, “I was thinking, she won’t be back til the next day…like, at night, and I thought, maybe you’d wanna stay over.”  

No. There was a voice in the back of his head, the logical one who knew that crossing the most obvious line, the one where he stayed and you woke up together, was a turning point that he wouldn’t be able to come back from. It was bad enough that he had let this become something that bordered on being a relationship to anyone looking in on it, but letting himself pretend like it was…he wasn’t sure he could come back from that when this all ended.  

“Yeah,” he said, quieting the logical side of his brain, “as long as you wear this ‘something else’ for the duration of my stay.” It might be a bad idea but who was he kidding, he was so far gone he’d accidentally referred to you as his girlfriend when he was on the phone with his mom just the day before.  

That smile returned to your face, the one that was so sly yet excitable at the same time, the perfect juxtaposition of innocence and deviousness, “Well, I was gonna wear nothing but-“  

“Nothing works for me.” Topper replied, using his free hand to hook his fingers through your front belt loop and pulling you toward him so that he could kiss you. Definitely not friends with benefits, but you’d both keep pretending until one of you cracked.  

-

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