#my family and school and the world in general??? i feel like im a better person both towards other people and to myself and i can stand up

[luvistqrzzz]

TRIVIA : LOVE — enhypen hyung line oneshot series

Finding love is not easy they say but what happens when you fall for someone at the most unexpected time in an unexpected way? — whisper a small oops and continue to fall further into the loophole of love.

aka the chronicles of a hopeless romantic soul

PAIRING && GENRE — hyung line x f!reader, can be read as stand alone oneshots, crack, ansgt, fluff, happy ending, more tba in individual fics

TAGLIST — open send an ask or comment to be added (you will be tagged for all the 4 fics) — @flwrshee @aosbie @rsmura @enhastolemyheart @yannew @sophiko22 @www-jungwon @nwjws @in-somnias-world @zzinyl @mrchweeee @ghostiiess @ilovecheese09

PERMANENT TAGLIST — @rikizm @str0l0gy @yenqa @heetoldme @crxzs @s00buwu @nhularin @bunreis @hysgf @mochamvgz @myonos — will be added in all parts

STATUS — to be released !!

AN — TYSM FLO @dollikis FOR THE MAIN BANNER ISTG SHE'S SUCH A GENIUS 🫶🏼🥹 I CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF IT ILYSM FLO my banners for the rest of the fic look like shit 😻🤞🏼 i feel the general summary is so cringe ( if someone comes up w a better one then pls help 😭) ALSO the fics in the series are based on rom com books tbh ive been planning and editing the masterlist for the past two weeks ahaha so idk how to feel about it... technically im still on my writing hiatus but ill try to start working on the fics after exams,,, hope yall look forward to it hehe ^_^ !!

"It was like I was trying to memorize him — in case this was the last time I would ever see him." — (failed) STEPS TO NOT MISS YOUR EX

There were a lot of ways your sister's wedding could have gone wrong but none of them included you crossing paths with your ex who happened to be the assistant wedding planner.  Alternatively, where you were apparently "over" Lee Heeseung but an (almost) disastrous wedding made you think otherwise.

a luvistqrzzz rendition of save the date by morgan matson — [ read here ]

“Here's the thing about writing Happily Ever Afters: it helps if you believe in them.” — LETTERS TO YOU, ME AND THE BEACH

When a crippling writer’s block and an almost broke bank account forces you to move to an old family home, you didn’t expect to cross paths with your arch nemesis from high school, the ever obnoxious, Park Jay. But maybe the series of events that unfold during the summer could help you with a romantic book or two.

a luvistqrzzz rendition of beach read by emily henry — [ read here ]

“Note to self: Do not under any circumstances fall in love again.” — A 1000 WAYS BACK TO YOU

When Jake realizes he doesn't want to be (only) friends with you anymore, you are already moving halfway around the world and he's left alone on the other side of the line. Will it take two oblivious idiots 10 years and more than a hundred missed chances to see the feelings they've been hiding for long?

a luvistqrzzz rendition of where rainbows end by cecelia ahern — [ read here ]

"Well sure, who doesn't need a boyfriend? But realistically, those exotic creatures are hard to come by. At least a quality one.” — A STRANGER'S GUIDE TO LOVE AND CHRISTMAS

For Sunghoon, Christmas is like any other day, only a hundred times more crowded. But then he stumbles across a notebook at the local bookstore. A notebook full of... dares. As he and the anonymous author spend the entire Christmas eve swapping stories and dreams around the city of Seoul, where will it lead Sunghoon to?

a luvistqrzzz rendition of dash and lily's book of dares by rachel cohn and david levithan — [ read here ]

works belongs to @luvistqrzzz do not copy repost or translate my work

reblogs and feedback are heavily appreciated

networks- @hyfenet @enhanet @en-web @k-films

[upinthecloudss]

NVM ignore my newgen suggestion, I just read your hsl hc and I'm in Nostalgia Mode TM. I'd love to read your more detailed insight about the friendships between Kim and Violette, Castiel and Iris, Nath and Lys (I feel like even if not bffs, they would have got along well??), and any other "pairing" that comes to your mind!

hehe you inspired me with the other suggestion so i'm writing both if that's ok :> i'm always on mcl nostalgia mode - so i'll prolly finish this one before the new gen one

also thank you for letting me yap about mcl even more bcus there is sm to say

MCL HSL RELATIONSHIPS

my personal ramblings + ideas

Kim and Violette

i never really knew if they were intended to have a something more than friends vibe going on but i choose to believe that maybe they did have feelings for each other but never realised it

have a super supportive relationship nevertheless - romantic or not

and one of the most wholesome in the class, i loved seeing it whenever it came up in-game

kim helps violette go out of her comfort zone and to speak up for herself, that's the most obvious one to us as players

but i feel that violette helped kim put down her 'walls'

kim is a pretty guarded person, we as the main character don't get to learn much about her personal life throughout the whole series even if she does consider us to be friends - we see that kim tries to regain contact when candy is back in town in UL

but idk she seems pretty uncomfortable with letting people into her life, and being vulnerable in general

i feel that violette is one of the only people outside of her family that she confides in

violette is very authentic to herself and doesn't judge, and that made kim feel more comfortable with opening up to her

besides they have history

very long friendship - they give me childhood friends vibes

i just realised this but kim definitely helped her through violette's grief of losing her mother years before mcl canon

even if kim felt lost in helping someone through their grief, she tried to always be there for violette, even if it meant sitting in silence under the tree in the school's courtyard while violette sketched and destroyed many drawings of her mother over and over and then wordlessly stood up to go home after a few hours

violette will forever be greatful for her friendship during that time

and at any time tbh

violette feels a bit lost without kim (e.g when she wanted to cancel on iris´party when kim had to cancel) but she got better at going out to the world by herself because she knew that kim wouldn't be forever with her

even though kim plans on being her friend as long as she can

they defo hang out by themselves outside of school a whole lot

by themselves, because of violette being less comfortable in larger groups and kim enjoying violette's company more than anyone elses

besties for life i don't make the rules

seem so different but they complement each other perfectly

also kim would murder for violette and the latter knows this

mcl new gen confirm that they're still friends (and maybe gfs) in ep 11 AND MY LIFE IS YOURS

maybe were each other's first kiss who knows

but that's just a theory

a game theory

i shipped them back in 2016 and still do im sorry

Castiel and Iris

they also give me childhood friends vibes but it is revealed that iris came into Sweet Amoris a few years before candy so maybe its a high school friends thing

we see that they're close regardless - even if in ep 9 they didn't go to the beach together i imagine that they started doing it a little after that to hang out

they were also a pretty unexpected friendship to any outsiders, but they make sense in a way

theyre literally sunshine x sunshine protector

iris is a pretty empathetic person, and i feel that she wouldn't be too taken aback by castiel's initial bad temper and cold attitude to strangers, but try to understand how to make him feel comfortable around her

she is such a sweetheart how can you hate her

castiel appreciates her because of that, she never pressured him to be the socially acceptable 'friendly' and just let him open up to her by his own terms

over time they grow to have an understanding with each other

hang out every now and then, aren't super besties but they enjoy making plans together

iris loves demon, and since she lives in a neighbourhood near the park she usually makes plans to go on walks with him and castiel

castiel babysat thomas a whole lot - even during his time with deborah

when they were leaving out the door thomas stopped castiel by pulling on his sleeve - he was 7 at most by that time

"castiel, don't bring that nasty lady again, please."

thomas knew something was up with her (what an empath)

he still babysits him but iris feels bad asking him to do it too often

castiel doesn't mind, he enjoys thomas' company, and helping iris out

even if he finds him perplexing

iris asks castiel to teach her some basics of guitar so she can bond with thomas

castiel thinks it's a very strange way to bond with someone but he does it anyway because she's his friend and she asked him nicely

on that topic castiel is unable to say no to iris this is canon

they have,,, an extensive history for sure

there was a time when they were starting to become closer to each other where they hung out a whole lot (after dark to an abandoned skate park kind of plans)

skater girl iris btw

anyway

i don't see them being romantically involved but they def kissed at some point when they were around each other a lot and came to the conclusion that they don't go well together in that way

castiel would pretend to be her boyfriend to get creepy guys off of her back if she asked to though

i feel that castiel drops this piece of information in the middle of some convo with lys years later as if it were some random fun fact with no substantial importance

because to them it isn't really

and lys doesn't react as vigorously as anyone else would've in his situation (candy and armin, for example, basically backflip when castiel mentions it during a round of truth or dare at iris´ house)

obviously he is shocked at first, but after thinking about it he realises that it makes sense that it happened

honestly anyone that knew them the years before candy came into school would get it

it was obvious that they were close-ish, relatively

given that castiel was civilised with her and lys more than anyone else, yea, she's a close friend

amber used to be very nasty towards her out of jealousy, calmed down over the years

iris was also quite supportive during his first breakup with deborah

while lys was a comforting presence whenever he needed some to be quiet near someone, iris offered comforting words when he felt that his world was falling apart

was kinda cold with nath for a while because of the situation, but nath doesn't resent her for it

castiel really appreciates her for that too

they don't hang out nearly as much anymore but they can still get on each other's wavelengths pretty easily

they have a pretty solid friendship, based on mutual understanding

and surprisingly, shared interests

iris is a scene kid in my mind, but she enjoys music similar to castiel's tastes

they had an MCR phase together (never really left)

also this is just a silly headcanon of mine but i like to think that they went emo together for a while

maybe lasted a few months but everyone remembers it very clearly as much as castiel wishes they didn't

iris finds it funny and reminds castiel a whole lot

she's the only one who can remind castiel of it without getting murdered (not even lys, the topic is off limits)

nath always wanted to make fun of castiel for it but that would mean making fun of iris too and that he couldn't do

also i love the fact that iris IN CANON said that if she were to choose anyone to help her hide a body it would be castiel

castiel acts shocked but honestly i think it's sweet to see that he allows her to say those things without him getting mad at her

because i feel that if someone else he doesn't get along with said it, he'd take it the wrong way

"so you think i'm a criminal or something"

he's such a little drama queen - it was impossible to raise his lovometer without guides most of the time istg,,,,

my condolences to castielettes or however tf u call yourselves lmao

they're just their authentic selves around each other, and feel comfortable doing so

i imagine that candy in castiel's route has some insecurities regarding this friendship, but they make it clear that they're nothing more than close friends

besides iris is more than happy to see castiel with a girl who will actually treat him right

she was deeply dissapointed with deborah's actions in ep 16

not just because she was a fake friend, but because of how she planned to use castiel

tried her best to make castiel come back to class during the time that he became kinda depressed after ep 16

worried about him like a mother lmao, got mad when he went awol

veredict? sister and brother from a different mother (and father)

used to hang out a lot, but not as much nowadays

life gets in the way

doesn't mean that they don't care for each other deeply

Nath and Lys

this friendship is such a big brain moment because yes - they prolly did get along well

another case of beemoov wasting potential urghhh

they at least have some respect for each other

nath appreciates when lys gets castiel off of his back - he realises when his best friend is going too far with him picking fights with nathaniel

lys appreciates nath's respect for other people's boundaries and trusts that nath wouldn't read his writing without his permission if he ever finds his lost notebook

curiosity is a very ugly defect after all

got so nostalgic saying that holy shit

lys also respects nath's position as head of student council, something that nath rarely sees from any student, and his respect for teachers is something that nath also appreciates

lys probably managed to get a copy of the basement's keys from nathaniel because

if it had been just castiel asking, nath would have absolutely NOT given a copy over to him

but since lys asked in an actual civilised way (unlike his bruteish excuse of a best friend - nath's words, not mine), nath asked for special permission for them to practice there after school

they appreciate and connect with each other more easily than with the other guys in the class because they have some essential personality traits in common

they can be in comfortable silences together

and maybe get book/novel/poetry recs from each other

nerds (lovingly)

not the closest, but they have a pleasant friendship (acquaintainceship?) - they're kind of between the line of being friends or just classmates who get along

they don't stay in touch after high school is what i mean, even if they don't necessarily hate each other

after nath gains his independence, and he allows himself to delve into music-related hobbies that his dad would have not approved of, he goes to lys for advice

lys is very patient in introducing him to music (even if he kind of already did for the concert some time prior)

even if nath turns out to be absolutely tone deaf, he appreciates lys' help

they do consider each other friends around the time where nath comes out of his shell (post ep 23 approximately)

however, they have a key thing that they will never agree on

castiel

nathaniel will never understand how lys can stand him - not to talk about being best friends

lys will never understand nath's inability to change his close minded attitude towards his friend, he knows that nath could choose to tell castiel about deborah's lies, but he does know of their history and how the damage that they caused after the incident cannot be solved as easily

so they both get that they will never be able to be on the same page with that topic

agree to disagree, in a way

apart from that, they get along just fine

they defo have potential - if it hadn't been for the rivalry with castiel, and nath's home life which made him focus on studies rather than friendships, i feel that they would've been able to develop a deeper bond

i do feel that nath kind of is jealous of lys in a way - deep down

they're both similar people, but come from completely different family environments

good students, model ones at that, calm introverts, lovers of literature, and similar ways of percieving the world

lys will never know what it is to be scared of his father, or the need to be perfect, or to have a sibling that he doesn't get along with

all that is nath is good at, he did it to appease his father

lys did it because he wanted to

and nath will never have that, and lys reminds him of that sometimes

so he avoids being around him too much maybe

i feel that they kind of reflect each other well

what would have been of fairly similar people in different home environments - even if ik damn well that beemoov prolly put any thought into that ever

but that's me reading WAY too much into it

okay that's too much realness for me for the night

[sm-baby]

Able strikes me as… the kind of person that does things right naturally. Like for the carnival AU, I bet in real life he was just good at everything without even trying. Everyone likes him, he’s just great in his own, I bet him and Caine even look similar, like the kind where the real only difference is maybe height, and style.

Caine is the younger brother that is jealous, he is extremely jealous even if he doesn’t want to be. He wants to be content with himself, but it is so damn hard with a sibling that even unintentionally looms over you. Getting mistaken for them at places, and when people meet you it’s always “Oh you’re Able’s brother” or “oh I hope you’ll be like him” and it’s a little flattering but mostly discouraging mentally. He wants to be like Able, but he knows he can’t.

Like a couple years back when my sister graduated a year early in high school, literally a cyber expert by the time she got out, and already years in on collage work, meanwhile I was your average struggling student, so even though she’s my favorite older sibling, we look similar, sound similar, hell, some people have mistaken me for her but with shorter hair. I know that having someone loom over you like that, someone everyone likes, everyone loves, and is just better in every way, it makes you go to the darkest places at times.

And that’s just me— from what you’ve said of Caine’s family, they just seem toxic. Caine if five times better than me and even my older sister who’s amazing, he knows so many languages and is so awesome in general, yet his parents have the nerve to do his. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a fucked up yin-yang sibling story, so I can really sort of relate to what u assume Caine is going through. It’s hard when you have similar interests, looks, and so much more with someone, yet everyone just loves them, and not you, and you have no clue why. And you want to be proud, you are proud, you’re happy, but some part of you deep inside just wishes you didn’t exist, or that the person you’re always compared to didn’t exist, so then no one would be able to compare you. Sometimes it’s obvious, people saying the differences, other times it’s fully a mental thing, I never was compared to my older sister by parents, but it’s a like a part of me knew that I was insignificant.

If it’s anything like the personal relationship I have with this person in my life, Caine and Able are close, but there are moments where it just bubbles through, the destain and/or harsh thoughts finally get to the surface of the water. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was an argument because Caine snapped at Able and started talking about how damn great Able is to everyone. My older sibling seems a bit like Able, and she never was forced into being perfect, it’s just natural for them. It’s a rocky relationship, when you know you love that person, that sibling means the world to you, but there’s that envy in part of you. I would sort of like it if this is expanded on more, maybe just a bit because I find it somewhat personal, you don’t have to, but I think it would be interesting if this was specifically shown somewhere. Siblings relationships are tough, but I personally know that… this particular style, the kind of sibling relationship I have with that one older sibling and the relationship Caine and Able have, is extremely hard. Because it never goes away, that spite and the small bit of hatred, but you just have to live with it, you blame yourself for your shortcomings, it never leaves, but you still stay close. They’re still your favorite person, still someone that you feel like you can share everything with, and you learn that you can’t get over those bad feeling, they just exist.

…I really need to stop writing when I’m half asleep. Might continue on how Carnival Pomni is similar to me, next time I’m half asleep and typing/j

*pat pat* it will definitely be touched upon... Im too proud of Caine's writing to leave him in the dark... Im so happy you relate to him that way, and Im sorry to hear how rocky your relationship is with your sister. Best of luck to both of you <3

[wexhappyxfew]

shannon!! so i’m a little late to the show BUT i would love alllll the backstory for judy!! i love her sosososo much and will enjoy anything you want to share about her!! tysm 🫶🏻🌻

jj!!!! hi and HELLOOOOO!!!!! i will *happily* spill all i can about some judy background! my sweet bean! i fear im about to yap and there’s no stopping haha! THANK YOU! <3

JUDY R. RYBINSKI

(b. 1922) AGE: 21

Judith R. Rybinski, better known as Judy by her crew, joins the USAAF at the age of 20, in order to get out of the life she grew up in, get some experience in the world, and to do something for the war effort. From the little town of Hot Springs, North Carolina, she grew up in a time where there wasn't a lot of money or food on the table for their large family of 9. This lifestyle really harbored the need for building the foundations of determination, grit and resilience. As one of the oldest of all her siblings, with her father and mother constantly doing whatever they could to bring in as much money as they could, Judy found herself constantly in the position of taking care of her siblings - whether it was waking them up, preparing a meal, getting them out of the door to school, or putting them to bed.

Alongside this, she was helping in any way she could to take care of the struggling family-farm that had been there for generations. This included livestock, crops, and taking what they could from the farm to sell at the market whenever they could. Judy found herself out-of-place when she'd have to go to school, seeing herself compared to the other girls in town - their pretty dresses, delicious-looking lunches, the books they had at their disposal. She would always say that she was lucky to have what she had - a family that worked hard, a family that cared for her and each other, plenty of siblings and experiences and stories to tell. Yet, she felt like she was stuck - like she'd stay on this farm and never get to leave.

A few anons and I last summer really dug into Judy's character here - especially the impacts of her background on her present character (the #judy rybinski tag is filled with this stuff! shoutout to those lovely people!). Not only did the Rybinski family not have a lot of money, leading Judy to grow up fairly poor, but she also grew up very sheltered. The oldest child of the family, Judy's older brother, Antony, was usually incredibly protective of Judy and the rest of their siblings. Whenever she went to town for her job, he'd walk her to and from, made sure she was in at curfew at night and if there were any sort of suspicious people around - Antony was usually close by.

In this way, she hasn't had a lot of experiences with love - some of my previous asks on Judy focus on her lack of romantic experiences - which really is a reflection on why she is the way she is around Rosie. We know she has a crush on him throughout a good portion of first meeting him and interacting with him, and we see how she really doesn't know what to do with these feelings long after. But they're there and she feels them and they are incredibly real to her.

I suspect for Judy this has a lot to do with growing up in the South in the 1930s, combined with the changing times, a woman's role, and a man's perspective of that. The It's Your Fight Too posters hung up around town pulled her towards the war (along with many other women just like her). Her parents were most hesitant if anything; Antony was more supportive, but cautious - his 20-year-old sister wanting to fight in a war?

A lot of surface-level characteristics of Judy focus on her joy, her happiness, her hope and usual 'cup half-full mentality'. But underneath that is a lot of foundations we've previously explored, that have since been built up because of her childhood and upbringing. She's mentally very strong, especially being one of the youngest of the Silver Bullets crew, and always is one of the first people to look on the positive side. This coincides with her constant will to live. When she was younger, her father had taught her and Antony how to do just about anything they needed to survive in the wilderness. She knows how to shoot multiple types of guns (thanks to hunting with her dad and Antony - leading to her roll as a turret gunner), along with stake a tent, strip different animals for food, start a fire, go fishing, and equally be resourceful. Her father grew up in Appalachia all his life and really took these qualities and instilled them into his own children.

Having the presence of her father and mother, though stressed and working as much as they could when she was a child, really helped to allow her to grow, even in hard times. She had a trusting and loving family and sometimes, you don't always hear these types of stories from those struggling. But with Judy, it allowed her to take those steps away from home, to experience something new as well as meet new people!

Through developing Judy and the other Silver Bullets girls, there's the slightly fleshed-out backstory of how each of the SB girls came to be on the crew. Of course, before Annie Bradshaw, there was Captain Birdie Faulkner who handpicked the crew in training. And when it came to turret ball gunner, Judy was one of the first picks for Birdie. It is surmised that Birdie thought Judy to be a "Young, bright, and caring young woman, who had the will to fight and survive coursing through her body, along with an underlying wildness about her that gave a hand to her survival instincts and intelligence with a gun." She also was pretty short and small - someone who could fit easily into a turret ball as well as know how to work in all at once. Judy would credit Birdie for getting her to the war there after.

What's fun about Judy is that, she's sort of become a main character herself? I didn't really expect her to, especially after I decided why not pair her with Rosie Rosenthal? But, she's really become a character people can see themselves in, confide in, find comfort in and really want to protect with their lives. Which genuinely makes me so so happy!!! :)

I could absolutely go into even more depth with any part of this backstory for Judy, but she's been such a pleasure and joy to write. And thank you to everyone who has loved on her and willed yourself to protect her! <3 I TOO WANT TO LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR JUDY RYBINSKI!!!! Thank you again for this ask, JJ! This was a lot of fun! :)

ALSO - Cailee Spaeny is no official face claim, but every time I see gifs or interviews of anything, I can see it as Judy. SO - that's why she appears in the little image heading above! :D

THANK YOU ALL!!!

[chubby-aphrodite]

yep ive decided im just gonna unfollow people who are stupid about it, especially today 👍

like what do you get out posting that. what do you get out of retraumatizing people by posting pictures from the attacks with dumbass edits. is it the shock humor? or what?

i know this is a false dichotomy and ive debated saying it for years knowing people might clown on me for it, but it feels like if people made memey edits of school shootings, especially of pictures of victims or of the emergency response. and i know there's probably people doing that, making memes out of school shootings and crime scenes and natural disasters and gore, but i think we nigh universally agree that that's a bad thing, right? that that's something only assholes do?

and i know i KNOW it's been "shoved down your throat" for over two decades. and you're probably tired of it. but i think as someone immediately materially affected by it, i'm more qualified than anyone in knowing what it feels like to have it shoved down your throat constantly every day all the time no matter what! i'm tired of it too, and i'd love to be able to move on! but because of the general culture surrounding the events and the aftermath, and because of the general irreverence about it starting to take over that displaces it from "really bad thing that happened" to "shock humor i can pull out to offend people," i can't! we can't! my whole goddamn family can't!

and it's absolutely gut-punching, soul-crushing, whatever compound word you wanna use, watching people i thought would know better treat it like a joke. and i get that it's easy to treat it like a joke when you're so disconnected from it, but there are still people you're hurting when you do.

and for the love of all that is good in the world, i'd like to be done decentering my own feelings about it. when i was little i didn't understand and didn't have much of an opinion on it, but i knew it made my family sad and it was the reason i didn't have a dad. as a teenager, i learned the social and global ramifications that arose in the aftermath, and i thought that was more important than processing my own baggage. and don't get me wrong, they are important. meatgrinder forever-wars over greed and extremely loud bigotry and the steps to stop them are important to learn about. and i'd get yelled at if i didn't mention that because this is the piss on the poor website.

but i'd really like to be fucking done with having to bottle up my own feelings about it.

[timingmatters]

Im gonna say it im surprised at the amount of ppl that think Florian is a bad person for cheating on some exams like sjdjdjdjjd. Maybe my high schoolers experience was too marked by mental illness but like… that does not make him a bad person at all it is literally just standardized testing y’all💀 boy still works hard. Also, ppl completely forget his circumstances???? He was scared of failing and being forcedly taken to live with conservative religious family completely against his will. I understand why he felt cornered even if it wasn’t the right thing to do. I just feel like more and more (not just on media like shows but in general) people forget that things arent black and white. Nuance exists, and good people do bad things all the time. He didn’t intend to go #1 or to fuck up Dae. And he prob does have to come clean to help dae with the schoolarship, but it is understandable why he was scared and felt he need to cheat. I’ll take it even one step further and say i would understand if he hesitates about coming clean even after learning about dae. Me personally i would hesitate coming clean and risking being put in a dangerous situation as queer youth bc a person that isn’t my friend might lose a schoolarship tbh. Like i think ultimately i would do the right thing and come clean, and i hope florian does too bc dae doesn’t deserve this BUT I understand if there is hesitation. Something v diff about a person maybe changing schools bc they lose a scholarship vs having to risk my safety going to a religious conservative place to live and be surrounded by them 24/7 and alone. Also you could even argue dae doesn’t even need to have boarding bc it looks like his family home is at a driving distance even if it’s inconvenient 😭

I do hope Dae’s SCHOOLARSHIP is saved. But i think is crazy how many people think florian sucks and Q deserves better simply bc he was scared and did a bad thing. Like cheating on some tests isn’t the end of the world tbh. Is not like he did it for egotistical reasons either. And i 100% side eyed Q for being so hard on florian and his reasoning being “im an athlete i dont believe in that” like sir ur bf just cried to u about being scared for his safety if he doenst get high scores like….. priorities???? I understand being mad AFTER dae’s schoolarship was an issue but before?????????

[volivolition]

Omg thanks for the song recs <333

I loooooved recently by Liana Flores I added it to my bops playlist as soon as I heard the opening oooo's it was so so pretty :)))

I do also like San Fran! But in general I think the Mowgli's do good bops :)) And I love Stella by cereus bright!!!!! You're absolutely right it is absolutely a dancey vibes song and I like a lot of their other songs too!! Happier than me esp. has such toxic familial relationship vibes to me and it's so tasty

I'm so glad you liked hundred days!!!! It's one of my absolutely fav songs in the whole wide world and I'm animating something for a dnd campaign for the song so it's on my mind. I love the part in the middle where it's like the singer is screaming "I WANT. A HUNDRED DAYS. OF BRIGHT LIGHT!!!" and I can FEEL IT IN MY SOUL AND MY HEART

Never love an anchor is a classic and is a complicated motherly relationship song for all characters forever and ever <3 I love the crane wives in general but I think the garden and the well are underrated songs too

So for songs I feel along those vibes I give you:

Beloved, Mumford and sons

Thus always to tyrants, the oh hellos

Willow tree march, the paper kites

Cleopatra, the lumineers

Ophelia, the lumineers

Let's keep the recs going!! <3333

HELLO Q SORRY THIS HAS BEEN IN THE DRAFTS SO LONG (not to mention the cute echem one you sent me a long time ago OOUGH </3) THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT <33

yes i LOVE recently, i relate to it heavily hkjhg <33 "recently everyone says they are seeing less of me / i could do better if i had energy" LIKE. YEAH </3 HJGKJH MOWGLI'S ABSOLUTELY DO GOOD BOPS, waugh im so glad you liked my recs thank you for listening to them!!

HAPPIER THAN ME SOUNDS SO VENGEFUL HKJHG i love the somber intensity ooh it is tasty for real >:3

OMG SONG ANIMATICS, hundred days would make for SUCH a good animatic, the way that it starts with a single clear singer and then RAMPS UP THE ENERGY, it was practically built for a narrative, you could ABSOLUTELY make a dnd campaign animatic from this, i UNDERSTAND I UNDERSTAND FOR REAL. there is a very real yearning energy in this and i ADORE IT, I KNOW THE PART YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT OUGH I LOVE HOW ITS SUNG, the passion!! the emotion OUGH!!! YOU'RE SO REAL AND TRUE FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

oh SO TRUE the crane wives,, ough chefs kiss!! <33

Beloved - i do love mumford and sons <33 this song is sweet awa :'] <33 i keep thinking the verses are building up to something stronger but it seems to keep steadily level? i still like it though, it's lovely <3

Thus Always to Tyrants - OH MY GOD I LOVE THE OH HELLOS SO SOSOSO MUCH THIS WAS ONE OF THE FIRST SONGS I'D HEARD FROM THEM <33 THE STEADY STAMPING BEAT THE "OOOH"S THE GUITAR STARTING UP!!!! YELLS!!! I LOVE THIS FUCKING SONG <3333 where i goooooo, will you still folloowwwww~!!!

Willow Tree March - yesss ive been meaning to get into more of the paper kites! OH WAIT I KNOW THIS ONE HKJGH i swear ive seen an animatic to this or something? i love how folksy it is, 10/10 would give my dnd party bardic inspiration while dancing around a campfire in the forest <33

Cleopatra - oh i am fond of this one, oh you could absolutely make a disco animatic out of this hkjh the first verse being harry and dora ("And it hardened like my heart did when you left town") and the second verse being kim and eyes ("So I drive a taxi, and the traffic distracts me / From the strangers in my backseat, they remind me of you") and the bridge waugh (HARRY - "And the only gifts from my Lord were a birth and a divorce" / KIM - "But I've read this script and the costume fits, so I'll play my part") and then the bedroom after the tribunal ("leads me back to my guestroom / It's a bed and a bathroom / a place for the end'') OUGH VERY NICE HJKGH <33

Ophelia - THIS ONE I DO KNOW YES YES I LOVE OPHELIA DEARLY, this song carried me through senior year of high school actually <33 i used to play this on my ukulele but it never sounded truly right hkjhg the piano in this OUGH ITS SO GOOD. oh oPHELIAH~! heaven help a fool who falls in love <3 adoreee this <33

YES i will send you some as well!! :D <33 i am not actually very good at music recs but we have surprisingly similar tastes hehe <33 thank you thank you!!

[castlebyersafterdark]

an unsolicited brief analysis of noah’s french

- context from some interview: parents know french, he can understand it better than he can speak, he can pick up on things, parents tried to get him to speak french but he rejected it as a kid, but he learned it in school

- his mom is definitely fluent in quebec french, and if anything she has the mildest quebec accent when speaking english

- his dad also probably speaks it, like noah says, though idk if there’s any videos out there of him or anything

- for montreal context: it’s worth noting that montreal is extremely bilingual, and most people speak both languages to a certain degree. also, there are areas (actually, including a lot of historically jewish areas/communities) that are mostly/entirely english-speaking

- to add to what he said in the video, his level of french is giving “the people at family gatherings are speaking french, but i reply to questions in english, and they switch to english to talk to me”

- (NOT in a negative way) the accent is such a common canadian french-immersion-kid accent

- specifically, it’s like: im an english speaker, who’s been taught my whole life by people with france-french accents (or unidentified, unspecified european accents), and the teachers insisted we have ‘proper french pronunciation’ (= my teachers likely look down on/discriminate against regional accents). but i do have exposure to quebec french so its got a bit of a flair to it

- it’s a very normal accent for an english speaker taught starndard-european-french at school. but then there’s like a sprinkling of some je-ne-sais-quebecois to it. it’s barely there, you can barely pick up on it, but IT IS THERE BURIED DEEP SOMEWHERE

(the real paris con question isnt getting him to say anything in french, it’s getting him to say tabarnak or câlisse)

- there are so few clips of him speaking french, so who knows how much he actually knows? but that’s the vibe/impression i got from whatever i saw

- side note, love how the two words he says with no strong english accent at all are “merci” and “je t’aime” - i’m choosing to believe he says je t’aime like that because it’s something his parents say to him a lot

LOVE this, thank you for the rundown!!! Very interested in this for some reason. Appreciate the analysis because it's interesting to me but I'm not a languages person to pickup these very detailed nuances. I just like listening to french speakers. And some other languages as well, but mostly because it's something I tried and failed at and pretty much gave up on, so it's haunting me wistfully. Possibly because I have a lot of interest in the future visiting Canada. Kind of as much as there's so many wonderful places all over the world I'd love to see, getting to Canada is pretty easy and it does not necessarily require a plane. Mostly English there, I know, but I'd still love some base knowledge for the possibility of not. I feel like I'd like to put in the effort for anywhere in general I'd visit. That's part of the joy of travel - cultural difference and all that.

But Back to Noah, hoping for more French speaking in the future. I went on a video search the other day and found some, but not an extensive collection of examples. Loving your little je-ne-sais-quebecois 😁

[bittertarot]

you are so cool and non judgemental to chat with, so thanks very much once again! yeah I think the whole hysteria abojt idols fs in away its intruiging from a non obsessive point of view but for those who do obsess about idols fs are going to be in for a shock whenber idols are revealed to be dating and shock horror, its not themselves.

honestly I regret not really going for it and learning a genuine skill that I could then use later on but sometimes its just matter of having opportunities or being in the right situations to actually gain those skills, for example you could go to a really shitty school and learn something amazing or you can go to a better school but have shitty classmates or teachers that are of no real use to you or courses that arent available and so on and so forth, whilst idols have to go through a lot I do think what they get to do is super cool cause when they pass on they have a legacy to be proud of. Sadly I think it just comes down to them being in the right areas or theyre from the right families who can invest so much into idols gaining their skills and talents. I have yet to really see someone from my country denut in kpop group sooooo it kind of says a lot of where kpop is heading and that they were going to smerica come what may. its just sometimes our situations are very limiting and we cant always win at everything in life either or say you might want to do something but realistically you know its slim to none chances and i think at some point it has an age limit of when you can succeed at it. So even if i wanted to do what i originslly wanted it would take many more years just to get to a good skill and even then you might not be the best at it

I also think sometimes social media makes things neither great nor bad cause people can upload their skills and really empahsis on what they want nowadahs whereas when I was a kid we were doing fuck all with our free time yaknow? kids nowadays shouldnt waste their younger years is what im saying. sometimes i think that i dont fit in with my generation cause of how screen obsessed we all have become and then i dont fit in with newer generations cause they have so many more ways of making success for themselves, im just like what can i offer? honestly not much.

thats also why i lowkey wouldnt mind passing on early just to get out of this screen world that we are in and yet older generations were never bothered with taking selfies then they wouldnt habe been able to get social validation via online, so they were probs happier and things were at least affordable back then. i kinda envy the older generations in that respect, we only got to experience a small handful of years without the pressures of social media and ever since idfk 00s or earlier it kinda went to shit really.

everyone was expected to be online and idk how i really feel about it anymore im sort of over it and modern society generally sucks. so many idols get backlash for no good reason, youtubers who dont do anything wrong get gossiped about and snark pages are endless so even if someone wants to do something amazing with their lives they cant avoid scrutiny of any sorts. its just got way out of hand and its past the point of saying well just dont use it then cause we technically need these devices constantly so ergo its not hard to not be delulu about celebs and the likes either cause its literally everywhere.

Sorry for the late response, been caught up in some important stuff recently (it's not bad stuff LMAO)!! Anyways, thank you so much! I try my best to remain open-minded of any/all perspectives before forming an opinion of my own and even so, I'm very open to hearing others opinions on these matters. Debating issues is something I genuinely enjoy, as long as it is a polite and healthy debate ofc. It is quite interesting, I'd say it has something to do with the "loneliness epidemic" (as I like to call it) of these times. We're in a time where technology is increasing rapidly and human interaction isn't as common, we're more attached to our screens than actual people and that becomes an issue when it places you out of touch with reality! The obsessions over being an FS and whatnot is genuinely awful, like fans hating on idols and their relationships have led to some couples even splitting; look at Lee Jae Wook and Karina from Aespa as our most recent example. It's never too late to try, really. You can learn any skill no matter your age as long as you can put enough effort in, remain disciplined and dedicate time to it! I think your point there is quite valid, but since technology has advanced so rapidly, you can realistically learn most skills online now by a few quick google searches, taking notes, learning and applying them practically. I think it is quite cool how idols have a legacy that'll be remembered for a while. It's something I'd want to achieve before passing on, as even though making an impact, being remembered, etc isn't a neccessity it does in a way lessen the anxiety about passing on? It makes you feel like there is a chance that people will still mention you, bring you up, that what you did could be studied or researched by other people, that your story could motivate others into getting their shit together, etc. A lot of idols aren't in the right areas or families, though. I'll use BTS as an example here; some members had extremely poor families and were from a run-down agency that could never compete with the big 3. Look at where they are now? They single-handedly built up their label, going from Bighit to HYBE. Practice makes perfect, the more you practice, the more work you put in, the better you will get at that skill! Obviously, blind optimism isn't helpful but if you take the realistic steps in place to where you want to be in the next few years now; it will happen and you will succeed. I completely agree that we, as a society, have all become too screen obsessed and I'm also guilty of this, but it is an issue. It's caused a lot of parents to just let the screen teach their kids, too. I'm sure you have a lot to offer to the world, even if you might not think so. You can do it, though! I believe in you and I'm proud of what you have done so far :] !! I had a discussion with a friend about a similar topic to this, but a lot of trends now are fueled by "nostalgia" where things looked happier and less daunting to live in. I think after 2015 is when things started to spiral, but that's my personal take. You're more than free to disagree with anything I've said!! I don't think you should force yourself to be online, stick to the trends, etc. Do what makes you happy and you'll see yourself shine brilliantly! And yeah, a lot of delusional ideals are fueled by big companies nowadays, too, since fans will obviously put more money into those celebs if they feel like they might get "noticed" - which could also be why concert tickets are getting higher and higher even for newly debuted groups. That's my take on all this, though, feel free to respond and add on, agree, disagree, etc! <33

[zima74824]

Dan : zima….? Where are your parents?

Zima : they - they died a long time ago I was little when it happened but someone set a bomb on our world ….and it wiped out my people….

Dan : shit….zima I-I’m sorry

Zima was in tears*

Zima : I miss them every day….i need to tell you something

Dan : what is it?

Zima opened her wings*

Dan : HOLY SHIT-

*he tripped and fell into a open dumpster *

Zima : Dan!!!

Zima ran to where he was at a grumpy expression on his face*

Dan : great just great now I’m all dirty! First I find out the love of my life is part human part vampire and now she’s telling me she’s an angel ONLY FOR ME TO FALL IN A FUCKING DUMPSTER!

Zima helped him get out as she sobbed she looked away*

Dan’s anger turns to a soft concerned expression*

Dan : zima…..why’re you crying…?

Zima : I just really miss my family I ran from home and found this planet…..I was by myself for a very very long time……

Dan : shit zima….im sorry I was over here angry that I fell in an open dumpster that i completely forgot to make you feel better…..

Zima : you should probably wash up first….

Dan : yeah your right

Dan while in the shower talks to zima*

Dan : so zima why hadn’t you told me about your true appearance why hide it?

Zima : because I’ve been bullied before Dan I’m considered a freak before….

*zima heard him turning off the water and grabbed his towel and dried himself off in his room Zima waited patiently *

Dan : ok I’m dressed now you can come into my room

Zima walks in *

Dan : zima let me tell you something….in school and in general I too have experienced being bullied it’s not a great feeling…. But this is who you are Zima you shouldn’t hide yourself like this

Zima sighs *

Zima : I know but I’m so tired…..

Dan cups her cheek*

Dan : I know Zima I know I’m tired too but don’t change yourself just because people are confused by your appearance I for one like you the way you are

Zima : you do?

Dan : yeah Zima your amazing kind…sweet….caring…..all those good things

Zima smiled softly *

Zima : wow you seem to be doing better with expressing yourself…..

Dan : know why? It’s because of you Zima you made me believe in myself if it weren’t for you I’d still be the way I was before we met

Zima : well despite your criminal record you’re actually not that bad of a person you just get so impulsive I used to be that way too…..

Dan : and you can help me be less impulsive I know this isn’t easy but I’m willing to try if you are

*Dan said with a soft smile*

Zima : yeah ok I’m in

Mr mumbles meows as she purrs and nuzzles against zima’s leg*

Dan : awww I think someone wanted to check on you

Zima picks up the tiny cat*

Zima : I’m ok mumbles just emotional but….im ok now

*Mr mumbles lays on her lap*

Dan : it’s crazy how fast she has bonded with you she normally doesn’t like anyone but me

Zima : it’s a gift I have heh almost all animals love me

Dan : I can see why

[what-even-is-thiss]

hi so i was wondering where you learned german because it seems like youre pretty fluent and im really trying to learn it but I can only take it once a semester at my school and i feel like its not working

I’m not fluent by any stretch of the imagination. At my best I think I was somewhere between A2 and B1. Able to have simple conversations and watch kids tv but not able to communicate about complex topics. I’m super out of practice with talking and right now I’m trying to get better at reading.

But where I learned it is a bit messy. I started learning in middle school and high school but stopped my sophomore year. Then I sporadically used free resources online like duolingo and the Deutsch Welle learn German site and other apps. I also made flash cards and read news sites for kids and stuff once in a while.

In the summer between high school and college I stayed with my aunt and uncle who live in Switzerland and have a house in Germany and I had reason to interact with my uncle’s family and for the most part none of them spoke English so I had some practice communicating with people with my cousins helping me get across more complicated ideas.

In college I spent one more year taking German. Since then I’ve gone through long stretches of time not studying it and have dabbled in other languages. I revisit it once in a while using a bunch of different stuff basically to just reverse the decay that happens when I don’t use it for a while. I’m not actively trying to get better at it. Just get back to where I was.

I’ve personally got no ambitions of becoming fluent at this point in my life. There’s not a lot of reason to use it where I live and I’m not on the best of terms with my family in Europe anymore. But I like German generally and I try to at least not get worse at it.

What I generally do when I go back to revisit it is relatively simple and usually goes on for a couple months. I review some stuff on duolingo, I buy a book for kids or language learners that either I’ve already read in English or is about a subject I know a lot about and I read that. I also personally get a lot of mileage out of writing down vocabulary lists. Drilling flash cards doesn’t do much for me but making flash cards is useful. So instead of wasting a bunch of index cards now I just write down vocabulary lists in a notebook every couple of days, either using old flash cards or a list from an online resource or one of the old textbooks I have knocking around.

Watching cooking videos in German is also something I do generally even when I’m not studying it because I just like Sallys Welt, which is a YouTube channel. A very mainstream youtube channel in the German speaking world. But she speaks clearly and is generally likable and I like her videos.

Idk if literally any of that is helpful. I’m super all over the place when it comes to studying. And in my experience thinking that you can use just one method to learn a language just isn’t realistic anyways.

[chicspo]

this may be very long but i want to explain in depth so u can understand my situation better so im sorry but here goes,

ill give u some info about myself first: im 18 i go to university and i spend most of my time there, i live with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. im not a touchy person, especially if im tired and spent my entire day studying. i care so much about certain people but im not good at showing it, and i dont exactly intend on changing this. i show my sister and my parents a lot of love and they know i love them but i can do this bc theyre family and i knoe our bonds are unbreakable no matter what.

ok so heres the situation, i want to be alone. i want to live on my own and im comfortable with not having many friends (i have some really good friends that moved for uni and i text them kinda often and i know our bonds are unbreakable) but im fine with not making more friends if its uncomfortable or whatever. but recently i think my boyfriend has noticed im distancing myself from him, unintentionally, but i care a lot about how i do in university so im dedicating myself to it. i dont ever initiate anything with him (sexually or just touchy in general) but i never really have to be honest. yes at the beginning of our relationship i was younger and more carefree and our relationship was fun to me so i was more touchy but never very touchy.

he told me how he feels like i dont love him bc i never try to start anything with him and im always at school and i was kind of cold to be honest i told him i love him bc i dont want to break his heart and it is true, i do love him and i care so much about him but i dont want to be either him anymore. its just so hard bc we live together and we have cats together and gis family loves me i’ve visited them in florida (i live in canada) twice and we’re planning on visiting them again for Christmas. i dont know what he would do if we broke up. he would br incredibly hesrt broken and im genuinely worried he would k1ll himself bc his step dad is abusive and both his parents drink all the time and dont rlly care about him, he doesnt have many friends, just one that is always at work so he never sees him, and he has an online job so he never goes out. he does a lot for me tho. he cleans the apartment A LOT whenever im gone (im a clean freak) and he tells me im the most beautiful girl in the world, he touches me and hugs me and kisses me, tells me he missed me so much, tells me im his world and that he wants to look after me when we’re old, that he wants to have a daughter with me, he buys the groceries, cat stuff, hr buys me little random things he thinks ill like. he’s honestly a really amazing boyfriend. but i dont want a boyfriend. i cant tell him that tho. i want to talk to my mom about this and ask her advice but she thinks hes a low life bc he has an online job and doesnt go out, he has chronic back pain and has to take medication and he smokes weed everyday. she knows he takes really good care of me tho.

my sisters planning on moving in with us when shes done highschool (this school year) and i want to just live with her. i dont know what to do bc we have such a concrete relationship thats more serious than anything and we care about eachother so much. he loves out apartment, its the first place hes lived without an abusive family and hes so happy. im in such a bad situation in my head rn.

i understand ur concern but u always have to put urself first. and i think with having to asking me or ur mom or anyone else all ur looking for is for someone to validate ur feelings. u dont need anyones approval for this. u dont want to be with him then dont be. ur not his mom. the most u can do for him is have a talk with him, when u tell him ur decision, and try to orient him in life the best u can. however thats none of ur responsibility. if u fear he has no other relationships other than the one u two have u can tell him that. if u believe he should get a different job tell him. his life seems pretty bleak and lonely, and he copes by focusing on you. that isnt healthy. he should also look out for himself first and he should have bigger goals in life. a future with you or any other woman isnt a goal or achievement. all he does by telling u he wants to take care of u when u get old or have kids together is mentally trap u so you wont leave him. he cant be that weak. he needs to learn to be independent. and u already seem more than capable and independent, so if u want to live alone or with ur sister u should do so. its great that ur so focused on ur school. its ur life u should do with it what u want

[compassionatereminders]

im sorry if this won't make sense, but eng is not my 1st lang and i really need to vent to someone

well, i have a brother that's 2 years older than me, but im a minor and he is already a young adult, i guess. not an adult, but not a teenager either.

anyways, our relationship was never bad, but it was never good either. like, we used to have good terms, yk? but since our dad passed away, we got more distant from each other and i totally get it, i really do, we never share too much about our lives in the past, and we share even less now. nevertheless, it still hurts for some reason.

he is always angry, he has angry rooted in his body since he started to know the world by himself and i truly believe that the main reason is me. i believe that he hates me since i was born, everyone talks about how he got jealous when he was little bc the attention was all over me and i really understand him, really, i understand that.

when we grew up, he was diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia, and people got worried about him. i didn't have the age to realize what that meant, but i knew that he had a condition that was not very gentle with the way he sees the world bc people would not understand him, so i started to take care of myself alone, being more independent, while he had attention for him. i was okay with that, alone, but okay, i have always been a introvert and shy person, it doesn't bother me so much... not at that time, at least.

he failed two years of school, while i didn't, and a "bad" part of my family used to joke around with that bc he is not the only one in my family that failed.

with that, the expectations for me started to begin, even if i had a very young age. they just don't care at all, just threw his frustrations on me and that's it, i need to be what they want me to be.

since then, i've been a submissive person. i do what they tell me to do and shut up every time i need to speak.

since the expectations for me are higher than it's for him, he just started hating me openly. idk, it's a teenager thing? since our dad passed away he just became another person, he likes attention and always makes me cry over the simple things bc he victimizes himself so much that people believe in him, he is a compulsive liar and a manipulative person. i hate being with him outside our house, he always screams at me, even on school. i just get so ashamed, i really don't understand why he do all that.

it gets to the point where i just can't focus on anything. my grades got worse and I don't know how to take care of this, not anymore.

i really tried, for a long time, but now nothing works anymore. we live together, just us two (it's a long history btw), and i do everything alone. i clean alone, i do the dishes, i do everything, just everything and it's tiring, very tiring, very hard, i just wanna cry all day and don't get out of my room, but if i do this, the house will be a mess and i really get anxious with mess, but the fact that he doesn't help with simple things kills me slowly

i really can't take it anymore, he is the main reason for all the problems that i have, and it's not even a joke. he makes me hate myself saying horrible things about my body, about how i look, about how i talk, about myself in general and i feel so disgusted being me that i don't like to get out of the house, even the school is a place that i don't like bc he's there and he always lie on school, about me, about our family, about our life, about everything

i'm really exhausted, idk what to do anymore. i just can't do the things that i love without being ashamed bc he can and WILL talk about how strange (sometimes) or how someone is better than me at it

Your brothers personal issues aren't a personal attack on you BUT that doesn't mean they justify him mistreating you. He isn't abusive because he has ADHD and you don't, but neither does his diagnoses justify abuse of any kind. And you can't and shouldn't continue to sacrifice your own needs and boundaries to "be there" for a person who doesn't treat you right

[hpdfag]

IM SO HAPPY YOURE DOING BETTER!!! I’ve always been rotting for you from far away, and I’m so glad to see it happen…I hope our interactions contributed to that nice state of yours :} good luck with all of that! I also can’t grasp how you’re going to college ngl…I won’t go to uni for another four years even if I’m your age because of the school system here and stuff so it’s just so interesting to me!

(Here in Italy you go to uni at 19/20, strangely)

I checked out your website and it looks sweet,,,I’m not very info informatics and computer-y stuff anymore but i was super obsessed with that stuff in the past! I hope you’re able to finish it <3 to me it’s like making a carrd so I can’t fathom how difficult it would be, but it feels very old internet-y and silly for now! Good luck, really.

I’m also really happy you’re with your family more! It’s so nice to feel connected to them…there’s a self fulfilling feeling that comes to me whenever I manage to be with my family, myself.

This update is so good to hear and it really brings a smile to my face, thank you for always taking the time to answer me and create this little connection :}

- 🧶

ooo thats rlly interesting !!! im probably gonna skip a year before going to college anyways, since i need time to get a job so im not in Too much debt .. so ill probably be 19 when going into college myself !! i just need 2 power thru this year ... then i'll be off !! the goal rn is to major in computer science and minor in japanese :] since i wanna make games for a living and well. japanese is such an interesting language and while it wldnt be as useful career wise as like spanish or smthn i dont want 2 only make life decisions based on career viability ... i wanna have fun !!

and they really have, it's always nice talking w/ u guys !! it means a lot that uve been rooting fr me, truly :]

hehe thank u thank u ... i hope so too !!! im working on moving away from the template i started with, it's a lot of work figuring it all out but im having a blast, coding is a pain in the ass but once u get the hang of it its so cool seeing what uve been working on coming together all nicely :D html is generally an easier language to learn than something like javascript or python, since it's much more immediately readable. it has a lot less potential than those two, but it doesnt necessarily need to be the most complex thing in the world! u can still get a lot out of it, and most things tht i dont understand immediately i can usually infer what theyre Supposed 2 do and tht makes it a lot easier. much less math too LMAOAOAOA

and of course, even if i don't reply right away i always want to reply to you, it's lovely being able to have a connection like this :] i hope you're doing well !!

[placentaeater999]

More Ramblings!

I forgot to tell you, my friends, that this May 10th or 11th marked 10 (ten) whole years since I first came out as a trans man!

(Im open to asks/questions/new friends, i believe education is an important part of the path to acceptance)

TL;DR: trans kids become trans adults, trans kids you absolutely fucking belong on this planet and you are loved and cherished, if not by your own family then by me bc im adopting you now as your older brother. My experience as a trans man is below the cut

I came out at the age of 11, back in early 2014, just before trans ppl and bathrooms had really started to catch the eye of the general public.

My dad was quick to support my medical transition, and while my ma took a moment, she got there. My dad ended up only really supporting me if i matched his machismo ideals, but this has gotten a lot better over the years.

I have been extremely INCREDIBLY lucky to be able to come out and successfully begin my transition at such a young age and every day im grateful for that. That being said, I lost a lot of family because of it. I lost close and important friendships because of it. I felt shame for such a long ass time because of it. I was bullied by students, parents, and teachers. I've been assaulted, Ive faced medical discrimination numerous times, I was the first trans patient at this psych ward i went to and got weird treatment. I have struggled a lot with feeling like i belong in this world. And now at the age of 21 I still do sometimes.

But

With all the bad things that've happened.

The family that stayed ive grown closer with. The new friends i FINALLY made in college are so incredibly supportive and I'm lucky that most of them are also trans or queer in some way (most of my friends are long distance but idc theyre my best friends). I wouldnt trade them for the world. I I havent had a typical teen experience but I've gotten to lead important projects for the safety of trans students at my high school, I've been a part of my university's qsa, I've gotten to serve on a panel for GLSEN Los Angeles where I worked with city officials on how to make la safer for trans/nb people. I've had my art about being trans get into galleries and I've won a couple awards for it. I get to attend other queer events near me and sell my art there and meet other queer folks in a town that's not a super safe place to be queer in.

I've gotten to see people grow and change their opinions on trans ppl bc now they know one and understand the concept better. Ive gotten the absolutely honor of people telling me that because I'm so open about myself that they began to feel comfortable exploring more about thelmselves.

I've lived more in these past 10 years than a lot of people will in 20. And as hard as its been I'm so FUCKING proud of how far I've come and I can't wait for the next 10.

It's not always glamorous, it's fucking hard as hell. For a long while I'd trade being a trans man for being a cis woman in a heartbeat, but now I wouldn't trade being trans for the world.

[funkii-fox]

I dont understand people that intentionally get themselves into discourse or trigger themselves on purpose and stuff like that. Its like… do u have nothing better to do?

I have this friend on instagram and hes fun but DEAR. GOD. Hes so negative.

Today i got back from school, sweating as all hell and red faced due to the Texas heat, and i got onto instagram to chill out. “I wonder what my beloved mooties are up to.” And when i press on this guy’s story, its like 5 fucking stories of rants abt selfshippers that make ocs to ship w characters and draw the ocs into the anime style.

GET A LIIIIIIFFFFFEEEEE

You never have to like something if u truly dont like it, BUT HOLY FUCK. How do you get through life getting this fucking triggered over every small thing that people enjoy? This guy went on and on crying abt “ooo i hate women” “this character is gay so u cant self ship w them if ur a woman” “im such an edge lord” “these ocs are so bland” “mlm and wlw is superior” “dont make a male stone ocean oc” “women shouldn’t be into jojos bc its a masc anime” get a life. Touch some goddamn grass. Get off the internet.

Anyone can see that this guy is going ape shit over something only privileged ppl would, but it also hits a little too close when hes attacking selfshippers: my people. I dont usually do oc x canon nor do i draw my self shipping, but these people that hes losing his shit over are still my family. And so its like hes attacking me in a way. And the only reason he doesn’t find me cringe is bc i self ship through writing and do self insert. Like if i were just a little different, he would be directing his misogynistic rants towards me. Odd. It makes me wonder if he does think im cringe and look down on me but wont say it bc of our friendship

Best thing is: this guy has ocs. “Ooo but theyre actually cool” what if i disagree? Would i be justified in saying that his ocs are trash? No? Bc thats rude? 🧐 (sarcasm)

Even better: this guy claims to be an artist yet uses ai to make ocs. Like not to draw them but get an idea of the design. I told him hes not using ai ethically and he should know better but he doesn’t care. But if i used his art and put it in ai that would be messed up. Goofy behavior.

I originally bonded w this guy bc we both hate bruja arianna and the “fem trans masc” thing (And tbh i still do: this mockery of trans men needs to stop and cis women need to stop being weird abt trans guys in general). But he goes so fucking far in his hate. He stalks bruja ari just to make himself seethe and then does rants on his story. Like ??? Is ur life that boring?? U rlly have nothing else to do?? U couldn’t do anything else in the world?

And a nit pick: this guy constantly announces that hes horny and other horny stuff. And it comes across as so middle school. It feels like a 7th grader trying to be funny. Like dude, being horny is normal and all but no need to announce it to the world bc i promise no one cares.

This guy, that is my age (his birthday is literally in the same month) has the brain of an edgy middle schooler. And i just thank god that im not like that. His negativity gets me down as a mere witness, i cant imagine how negative the inside of his brain is