#my eyes r all droopy i’m going to sleep

[wishchip106]

isn’t it crazy that Erik had to watch Charles die right infront of his eyes

and then had to act like everything was fine for his followers

the old man cried in his tent that night

[stunie]

i just WOKE UP !!?????!!!!!!

2024.07.15 — dinner date with Ume. ♡

(hands up if you know where the reference photo’s froooommmmm!!!! >:3 aju nice.)

[nereidprinc3ss]

do you believe me now? | 3

in which spencer reid spends a rainy day teaching inexperienced fem!reader how to touch him. of course, her efforts don't go unrecognized, much less unrewarded

series masterlist

18+ (smut) warnings: inexperienced reader, softdom!spencer, sub reader, oral m receiving, reader swallows lol, a truly sickening amount of praise, like really, you JOKINGLY refer to each other as dirty sluts, r has longish hair, spit mentioned once, thigh riding (moans loudly), its filthy idk what to tell you, i feel like i've crossed the desert on foot i don't even know what else is in here, your honor they're in love, i take you to dinner first, this part is stupidly long a/n: had a fucking field day the three separate times i had to rewrite this el oh el... but think i like how it turned out?! anyway, if u like this PLS lmk bc writing it took a small piece of my soul, and yes there will be a part four!! take care of yourselves!! i love you!!!

You give Spencer half a minute or so before knocking on his door for a second time. 

It’s miserable outside, and though the hallway you’re standing in now isn’t terribly cold, you’d much prefer to be in Spencer’s apartment, where it will be the same toasty 68.5 degrees as always. Not that the heating will magically dry you. And not that you’ll be there for long, if the date you’d scheduled last week goes on as planned. 

You’re getting worried, about to knock for a third time when the locks finally click and the door opens to reveal a disheveled Spencer Reid—not at all looking ready for a date. You take in his ensemble; blue checked pajama pants, FBI Academy crewneck, the usual questionably paired socks. He’s rubbing his droopy eyes, which slowly widen as he notices your attire. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, our date! I mean—you look really nice. I look… like this. Why don’t you come in while I get ready to go?”

He holds the door open a little wider and you step through, relishing in the familiar warmth as you pull your hood down and excess water droplets spatter on the ground. 

“When did you get in?” you ask, hanging your raincoat up on a hook. You know he’d wrapped up a case yesterday evening, but you’d gone to sleep before the team left Cincinnati. 

Spencer pauses in the middle of the room, staring at the antique flooring like he forgot what he was doing. 

“Uh… four hours ago.”

“Wh—four hours? Spencer, you must be exhausted.”

He laughs awkwardly, running a tired hand over his face. 

“I mean… I’ve definitely felt better.”

You kick your soaked shoes off and cross the room until you’re toe to toe with him. Immediately his hands settle on your waist and yours find his arms. His eyes are kind, and he’s clearly pleased by your presence despite his lack of energy. 

“The weather’s terrible, anyway. Let’s just go out another day.”

His features have softened and you can see how tired he truly is—not just in his bleary eyes, but the way his fingers grasp weakly to you, the way his head bows slightly. It seems bone-deep. 

“But I haven’t seen you in a week. I don’t want you to go home.”

Your lips twist. A clap of thunder rolls in the distance and the rain starts coming down even harder against the windowpanes. 

“We could hang out here. We can take a nap!”

Spencer sighs—half resignation, half disappointment. 

“But we made such good plans,” he laments. 

You kiss his cheek. 

“Plans that can be rescheduled. The bookstore will still be there next weekend.”

It takes him a moment to settle into the idea, but you watch the exhaustion win. 

“Okay. But no nap. I want to be awake for you. Coffee?”

You nod enthusiastically, beaming at the prospect of getting to spend the day doing nothing with him. Spencer mirrors your grin, before pressing a kiss to your head.

“You’re so cute.” Heat creeps into your cheeks and you can’t think of a satisfactory reply, but in the end you don’t need to, as he tugs gently on your hands. “C’mon. Tell me what mug you want.”

The kitchen counter bites into your palms as you lean with your back to it, watching Spencer putter all around the kitchen as he works on the coffee. It makes you tired just to watch. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to take a nap? Caffeine isn’t a substitute for sleep, you know.”

“I do know,” he agrees, measuring coffee grounds. “But other than last night, I actually slept fairly well this week.”

“You seem exhausted.”

“I… am tired in lots of ways. Not all of which can be resolved with more sleep.” he admits.

Your heart drops ever so slightly at the way his voice weakens as he looks through the fridge. Sometimes you remember there are still things you don’t know about him—sides you haven’t met. His work side is one of them, and it more than a little intimidates you.

“Bad case?” you ask, voice quiet and crackling with nervous energy. 

Spencer nods, approaching and setting a carton of milk on the counter behind you—caging you in with his arms in the process. It’s hard to find the words when he’s this close, but you manage to stumble through them. 

“Do… do you wanna talk about it?”

Spencer hums, tilting his head before gently saying, “not right now. But thank you for offering, lovely.”

“Okay, well—if you change your mind… if there’s anything I can do to make you feel better…”

Finally he stops with the teasing—the unabashed staring at your lips, the faux-attentive nods—and drops his head to your level to kiss you properly. It’s obviously an attempt to get you to shut up, you’re not dumb enough so as to miss that—but you don’t really care why he’s doing it so long as he does it at all. 

“I feel pretty great right now, actually,” he murmurs against your lips, a hint of a smile coloring his words. “Do you want sugar in yours?”

“Um…”

Your eyes dart helplessly between his as he pulls away and you struggle to un-fluster yourself enough to answer his simple question. Spencer seems to delight in this. The longer it takes you, the bigger his perfect smile gets. 

“You took too long. You’re getting sugar.”

“Are you sure there’s nothing I can do?” you plead later on the couch, for the third or fourth time, setting your mostly-empty mug on the coffee table. 

His eyebrows raise. 

“I’m sure, honey.”

“But I want to help,” you pout, pulling your knees into your chest. Spencer regards you for a moment from the other end of the couch, before beckoning you closer wordlessly. 

“You are helping,” he assures you, gently grabbing your wrist as you crawl into his lap. He rubs soothing circles into the delicate skin with his thumb. “You being here and being you is plenty.”

It’s the closest you’ve been to him since before he left, and while you’ve all but given up on asking him to sleep with you, it doesn’t mean you don’t think about it multiple times per day. It’s especially difficult to keep your thoughts PG when you haven’t seen him in a week, and his hair is all messy, and he’s got his pajamas on, and you’re in his lap, and he’s looking at you like that. 

“What are you thinking about?” Spencer murmurs, likely concerned by your lack of response and the glazed-over look in your eyes. You reanimate, averting your gaze to the spot on your thigh he’s now rubbing absentmindedly. 

“Nothing. I just missed you.”

“I missed you a lot, too.” You don’t even have to look up to know that his brows have twisted into a pleasant sort of bemusement, like you are a particularly complex puzzle—you can hear it as he continues speaking. “I’m still not used to having something external take up so much of my attention while I’m trying to do my job. I’ve never had that before. Not something good, anyway. It’s like every time I leave, I’m thinking about you more than the time before. And I was already thinking about you a lot.”

The corner of your mouth twitches as he rambles. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, really,” he chuckles. “You prove to be incredibly distracting even when you’re hundreds of miles away. Do you know how many nights I almost called you before realizing it was one in the morning?”

A slow smile spreads over your face. 

“Oh? Whatever could you have been calling about at one in the morning?”

You’re teasing him, and it works. He blushes adorably. 

“Um… probably exactly what you’d expect. In hindsight I think it’s best that I refrained.”

“What?” You grin, incredulous, forgetting your shyness and leaning closer. “You totally should’ve. I’ve never had phone sex before. I would’ve done it.”

“No, you wouldn’t!” Spencer laughs. “It would have just been me talking to myself with you on the other line. I don’t think phone sex is really up your alley.”

“Shut up,” you laugh as your lips meet. He smiles into the kiss. Before you get too lost in it, you pull away, leaning back when he tries to follow you. “I think you’re over-complicating it. It’s just dirty talk, right? I can totally do that. It’s just, like… blah blah blah, dirty slut, something something…”

You trail off as he gives you a look. Poker faced—aside from the slightly narrowed eyes sparkling with humor. 

“You want me to refer to you as a dirty slut?”

Maintaining eye contact is an uphill battle—you crack in a matter of seconds, resting your forehead against his and closing your eyes stubbornly. 

“No. For all you know I want to call you a dirty slut.”

It’s ridiculous, but he recognizes the bravado for what it is, still smiling slightly as he rubs your hips. 

“Right. I apologize for assuming. But just for future reference, I don’t want to be called that, and I don’t think I’d be comfortable calling you that, either.”

“But you can call me other stuff,” you remind your boyfriend, pulling back and still not looking at him. 

“Yeah? Like what?”

And just like that, you’re shy again. 

“I don’t know… nice things. I like when you’re nice.”

“I like being nice to you.” It’s so sincere-sounding that you meet his gaze, examining his face. His eyes are clear and soft on you, the only source of warm light on such a grey day, as his hands keep running slow lines over your sides. “Kiss?”

And how could you ever deny him anything? 

As has happened before, the kiss starts out innocent enough. And it’s not that it gets particularly heated, or anything—it’s just that it doesn’t end, and after a few moments your mouth slips open and so does his and that’swhat gets both of you worked up over a period of minutes. Pressure and heat that you’re becoming accustomed to build between your legs, and you don’t even notice that you’ve begun rocking back and forth in his lap until Spencer is attempting to still your hips with patient but assertive hands. 

“Honey, that’s—slow down, sweetheart.”

Finally he gets a grip on you and you realize as soon as you stop moving that there had been friction occurring—and you’re pretty damn sure you know what you were grinding against. 

Your whole body feels hot with arousal and embarrassment. 

“Oh my god—I’m sorry,” you mumble, moving your hands from his shoulders to cover your face. “That was an accident, I—”

“It’s fine,” Spencer assures you, squeezing your waist gently. “I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were doing because I know we haven’t… gotten there, yet.”

A moment passes—your hands fall to the FBI stitching across his chest, studying the letters without really seeing them. You haven’t gotten there yet… but why not? Why haven’t you touched him, or even seen him? You think back to the few times he’s touched you and realize that you had been too busy with either your own insecurities or pleasure to genuinely consider how it might be affecting him. He says your name gently, drawing your attention. 

“You okay?”

You nod haltingly, brow furrowed as you think. 

“I—yeah. I was just realizing that I haven’t, like… touched you, yet.”

It’s silent for another long second, and you glance up, to where he’s studying you with a dissonant kind of relaxed scrutiny—a knowing confidence that probably comes with a lot more experience than you have. 

“Do you want to?”

Woah. 

Usually you have to beg on hands and knees and prepare a slideshow presentation before he agrees to doing anything sexual in nature. He’s never so overtly invited or initiated it before. Not that you’re complaining by any stretch of the imagination.  

You nod shyly, still fiddling with the fabric of his shirt. 

“If you want to, I can show you how. But it’s also absolutely okay if you don’t.”

Show you how? 

Your brain is melting into sludge at the idea. 

“I do,” you admit, meeting his gaze again. It’s kind, and you know he really wouldn’t be upset if you said no—but now that you’ve thought about it, you feel deeply compelled to try. 

“Okay. Come here, first.” You lean forward expectantly, eyes fluttering shut as his hand finds the back of your neck and he pulls you into another soft kiss. By the time your lips separate again, your head is spinning. “We’re just trying something, okay? You’re allowed to stop whenever you feel like it. Really low stakes. Got it?”

You nod, still close enough that your noses brush as you do. 

“Got it.”

He presses one more chaste kiss to your lips before pulling away and leaning back into the couch. 

“Scoot back a little, angel.”

Wordlessly you do so, heart pounding with nervous excitement as he lifts his hips and slides his pajama pants down just enough to where he can comfortably pull himself out, and—

Your breath catches. 

Now, you may be about as virginal as they come, but you weren’t born yesterday. You’ve seen porn, you’ve received unsolicited nudes—it is the 21st century. Yet never before have you thought to yourself; wow, that dick is the pinnacle of beauty. Perfect. Breathtaking. But there’s just no other way to describe him. 

So that’s what hits you first—how unexpectedly pretty it is. 

The size sinks in a quick second later. 

You can’t tell with perfect accuracy how many inches he is, but you’re pretty damn sure he’s big. That’s meant to fit inside of you?

No, no—that’s a consideration for another day. Right now you need to stop staring like an idiot. You glance up at his face, and he’s sporting a cocky little half-smile which lets you know you’ve been caught. Motherfucker he’s so hot. It’s unnerving. 

“Do you have something you’d like to say?” he asks politely, quite obviously containing his amusement. But you can’t summon a sufficiently sarcastic response. 

Your voice comes so soft when you reply, “you’re pretty.”

Spencer melts, eyes impossibly softening. 

“Pretty?” His smile is earnest now. He strokes your cheek and you can’t not lean into his touch. 

“Mhm. I want to, um…” your lips twist to the side as you look back down, finding he’s not gotten less intimidating since you last checked. “But what if I’m bad at it?” you whisper. He chuckles, brushing hair over your shoulder.  

“It’s kind of a hard thing to be bad at. And I’m gonna help you, okay?”

It’s the honesty with which he speaks to you that makes you feel so safe. There are no hidden intentions or words that seem to mean one thing but really mean another. Spencer wants you as a person more than he wants you as a body and that’s been clear since the first time he touched you. You take a deep breath. 

“Okay. What do I do?”

“First, you’re gonna spit in your hand.”

You look up, alarmed. 

“You want me to intentionally get my spit on you? Is that not your worst nightmare?”

“Believe it or not, I’m not super worried about yours,” he teases. “But if you’d prefer, I can spit in your hand.”

“Actually, mine is fine,” you laugh nervously. 

Hesitantly, you do as instructed, even though it seems frankly bizarre. 

“Good. Now just wrap your hand around it, like this.” His voice is quiet, focused as he guides your hand downward. Your heart rate ticks up again as he encourages you to wrap your hand around the base of his cock. He feels much warmer than you’d expected—his skin is silken beneath your touch but he’s undeniably hard and that sort of eliminates any sense of him being fragile from the equation. 

“It’s gonna be less sensitive down here—and then, up here—” he slides your hand back up, covering your thumb with his own and swiping it just below the head of his cock on the underside. He hisses and you look up in fascination. “That’s the most sensitive part.”

Without further instruction, you do it again, keeping your touch light and watching his face for a reaction. His drawn brows twitch, furrowing deeper for a second, and his lips part. A heavy exhalation passes between them and quickly builds into a breathy laugh. 

“What?” you murmur, over-eager to please and very nervous to do something wrong. 

“Nothing. Just feels good, that’s all.”

“Don’t laugh,” you pout. Of course that makes him laugh again, and he leans forward to kiss your head. 

“I’m laughing at myself, angel. I’m a grown man fighting for my life from a handjob that you’ve barely started. I knew it would be different with you but I didn’t realize it would be this different.”

Heat rises in your cheeks and you look away. 

“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better.”

“I’m not lying,” he urges, grabbing your free hand and encouraging you to uncurl your fingers. His thumb traces circles in your open palm, before capturing your entire hand in his. “Do you feel how much softer your hand is than mine?”

You frown, attempting to feel whatever it is that he’s pointing out. Despite the fact that you think he has very nice hands, you realize he’s right. By no means would you say that they’re rough, but you can tell where his gun normally sits in his hands, where his fountain pen rubs against his fingers. “Yeah.”

“Yeah. Anything you do is going to be perfect because it’s you.”

Spencer drops his hand to your leg, rubbing it soothingly. The other moves to cover yours—the one wrapped around him. 

“You’re gonna help me, right?” you ask quietly. Some adventurous part of you is very excited about this as an experiment—fascinated by the reactions you’ve already gotten from him and eager to push it. 

“I am. Little bit tighter, honey. I’ll tell you if it’s too much.”

You do as you’re told, and he’s murmuring more praise—slowly encouraging you to begin moving your hand with his own. A shaky exhale catches your attention, drawing your gaze to his face. His eyes are, of course, cast downward, but his expression is hypnotizing. Those lips remain slightly parted, and suddenly you wonder if he makes noises like you do. In that moment it becomes your life’s mission to find out. 

For a while you continue letting his hand guide your movements, but he keeps things so slow for your sake that you’re getting impatient. You forgo his direction, picking up the pace but trying to keep the rhythm he’d instilled in the motion. His hand slackens around yours. 

“Fuck,” he hisses to himself. The hand on your thigh rubs achingly deeper into the flesh. “Angel, what are you doing?”

“I want it to feel good.” Suddenly shy again, you slow down. His hips stutter, which you think may be a sign that it was working. “Am I—was that bad?” Spencer looses a breath, looking almost… frustrated?

“No, I’m just—I’m weirdly close to coming.”

“That’s a good thing, right?”

“Well,” he mutters, “not usually. Mostly it’s embarrassing.”

You giggle, a release of some tension, and begin pumping your hand again. His breath hitches and he finally looks up at you, meeting your eyes with his own lust-glazed ones. Heat pools deep between your legs. 

“I want you to come,” you admit quietly as you twist your wrist, brushing that spot underneath the head of his cock again. His jaw literally drops, and a look that is part confusion, part pleasure, twists his features. You see the surprise sparkling in his eyes and it only spurs you to keep talking. “I’ve never seen how you look when you do, but I’ve imagined it. I bet you look so pretty when you come, Spencer. ‘Nd then I would know that I can make you feel good, too.”

“You… you are making me feel good,” he assures you. The way his brow furrows and his  lips are parted give you a feeling that’s entirely new. Normally, you’re the one falling apart under his touch—but when it’s the other way around there’s a whole new kind of pleasure in it for you. You feel kind of powerful. Maybe even close to confident. 

“Really? I’m not this quiet when you touch me.”

“I’ve ha—ah—had more practice not making noise.”

“But why?” you implore, ignoring the fact that he’s slept with other women and enjoyed the sounds they made, and opting to brush your thumb across that extra sensitive part he definitely shouldn’t have told you about. His hips buck up and he hisses, which is immensely gratifying to you. 

“Because I like to listen.”

“What if I do, too?”

In a moment of divine inspiration , you cover the tip of his cock with your hand, swirling beads of pre-come over your palm. Spencer moans and his hips jut up into your grip. It’s a beautiful sound, just as you’d hoped. 

“Jesus, fuck.”

You understand why he seems to enjoy touching you so much. It’s so rewarding to watch as his breathing picks up and pleasure contorts his face—to watch him get messier and messier and lose his composure a bit more with each stroke of your hand. It’s so simple but Spencer looks at you like you’re exercising some arcane deviant power over him and he’s not sure he should be enjoying it as much as he is. 

Distantly you think about how it felt when he had his hands on you—and then, in clearer focus, how it felt when he went down on you. Both were perfect, but something about his lips so gentle on the most intimate, vulnerable part of you had felt like ascension. Maybe it was the emotional component, or maybe it just felt fucking good. Regardless, it seems an irresistible thought. 

You keep stroking him until his head is lolling on the back of the couch as he groans.

“Spencer?”

“Yeah, baby?”

He sounds so destroyed it makes you clench around nothing. Without any indication that you’re going to do so, you stop touching him, and the speed with which he lifts his head again is almost comical. Immediately, while he’s utterly defenseless and desperate, you ask, “can I use my mouth?” 

His eyes widen, and then shut, as he processes your request with a tiny shake of his head—probably trying to clear the haze of pleasure from his mind before he answers. 

“Honey,” he rasps eventually, opening his eyes and smoothing a hand over your hair, “you don’t have to do that just because I do. That’s not why I do it.”

“But I want to,” you murmur, shy and mildly embarrassed by what feels almost like a soft rejection. “I don’t think I could do anything, like, mind-blowing, but… I want to try.”

Your face is hot by the end of the sentence, and you can’t meet Spencer’s eyes as his fingers twitch over your hip. A quiet moment passes—but it’s short-lived.

“Okay. Go ahead, baby.”

Wide eyes dart up to his. 

“Really?”

Spencer smiles fondly, brushing an invisible speck from your cheek. 

“I don’t think I’m capable of turning that offer down. Not when it’s you.”

“Okay—um, should I just—” Spencer watches on, finding your sudden enthusiasm completely adorable as you scoot off of his lap and gingerly kneel in front of him. Your eyes are big and glassy as you look up at him, hands set politely on his knees. You squint suspiciously, eyes darting between his face and his cock, now about as hard as it’s ever been due to your toying. He knows it’s probably intimidating for a girl who has never seen one in real life, and he feels kind of bad about it. You do terrible, wonderful things to him that he doesn’t understand. “Wow. So... it looks bigger from down here.”

“Please don’t try to choke yourself,” he instructs hurriedly, leaning forward slightly. “I really don’t need you to do that. It’s fine if you can’t fit it all, I just—” he exhales shakily. Spencer is most definitely strong-willed but he can’t pretend like the sight of you on your knees for him, inches from his aching cock for the first time isn’t impacting his cognition. Most importantly he doesn’t want to make you feel pressured. He’s trying to not let how badly he wants this show in case you change your mind. 

Spencer watches as you psych yourself out—wilting like a thirsty flower. 

“But what if I’m bad at this?” you mumble, hands curling into loose fists atop his legs. Spencer pushes your hair back, tucking it behind your ears. 

“What’s your worst case scenario?” he asks. Your answer is immediate. 

“That I’m so bad you make me stop halfway through.”

Spencer can’t help but laugh again. 

“I’m sorry—I just… honey, you are really underestimating how profound your effect is on me. I just almost came from a minute long handjob. I can assure you that I won’t make you stop halfway through because I’d rather not have your mouth on me. That is… that’s just not going to happen.”

You lean your cheek against his thigh. He might actually pass away. 

“Will you tell me if I’m doing something wrong?”

“Honestly, as long as you don’t bite, you’re in the clear.”

Your eyes squeeze shut and your lips pull into an embarrassed little smile. 

“Great. Thank you for that invaluable advice.”

“Of course,” he smiles. It fades slowly as you take a deep breath and look up at him, obviously steeling yourself, before leaning forward and taking him in your hand again. He watches with bated breath, repeating no sudden movements to himself over and over as your hand moves up and down a few more times and your head lowers. 

You delicately, so lightly trace your tongue from the base of his swollen cock to just underneath the leaking tip, mapping a vein, and his hips buck as you take him into your mouth experimentally. Only the first few inches fit but the sight of your lips wrapped around him, the way you’re looking at him is so unbelievably erotic Spencer knows he won’t last very long.

From a purely technical perspective—he knows he’s gotten objectively better head. Still, something about the way you’re so delicate with him, so soft and timid in the way you lick and kiss and take him into your mouth has him fighting not to come already. Maybe it’s wrong, but knowing that he’s watching you do this for the first time in your life is obscenely arousing. The idea that you’ve never trusted another person this much; that you’re letting him be the one to help you navigate something as new and as important as sexuality. The more he thinks about it, though, the more he realizes: it’s not your inexperience that turns him on. It’s just you. Everything you do is so undeniably you—he recognizes your mannerisms in every tiny motion, in every glance, and it’s killing him. You’re like a dream as you look up at him with big nervous eyes, (no, really, he has had this dream) and he remembers he wants to be reassuring you—not pondering life and human connection. 

“Look at you,” he murmurs, groaning and hips twitching as your cheeks hollow, wrapping his achingly hard cock in soft gentle warmth so sweetly it feels taboo. “So good, baby. So gorgeous like this.”

You whine around him, receptive as always to his obsequious praise, and he notices the way your hips wiggle as you seek friction. God, you must like this a lot. Spencer gathers your hair into a makeshift ponytail, resting his hand on your head as you begin to bob it. That, he wasn’t prepared for. He’d have been satisfied with just kitten-licks and suckling but he won’t complain about this. It’s slow, and so intentional as you keep watching him for feedback cues. Ever his observant girl, you’re constantly paying attention. Aware of his reactions. He needs to keep telling you you’re good or else you’ll assume you’re terrible. 

“Over-achiever,” he whispers through a little smile as you down even more of him. 

Spencer is for the most part a kind and gentle person. For better or worse he is also a man, and he can’t help but fantasize about getting you all teary and drooly as he holds your mouth open and sees how much of his cock he can push down your throat. But again—kind. Gentle. So when you get a little over-zealous, attempting to sacrifice your comfort for his pleasure, he pulls your head back slightly. “That’s far enough, angel. That’s—fuck. God, you’re good at this.” The words are thoughtless, muttered to himself more than you as he watches through a haze while you look up at him with glassy, half-lidded eyes, slipping him in and out of your warm mouth, a little faster now as you gain confidence. 

You whine desperately around him, like you’re the one nearing orgasm and not him. The sound of your pleasure as you suck his cock makes him dizzy. His hips buck, pressing him a little deeper into your mouth. “Jesus fucking Christ,” he exhales. “Slow down, baby. I’m—” a louder moan from him like you’ve never heard as he thrusts shallowly turns you on profoundly. He’s so much more vocal than you’d have imagined—sonically and verbally. He breathes out a quick, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” pulling your hair slightly, and you’ve never wanted to touch yourself more but you know you can’t focus on both. Instead you work on making him come—you can worry about you later. He says your name, with an authoritative edge to his tone that makes you throb. “Honey, if you don’t stop, I’m gonna come—”

You swirl your tongue around the top of him like candy and he’s done for. Spencer tries to pull out, which only results in cum both in your mouth and on your face. The orgasm is his strongest in recent memory, and he grunts, watching your lips part and a little squeak escape as he comes all over your face—but you keep stroking him all the while. Once he’s 90% sure it’s over, he falls against the back of the couch, breathing heavily and looking down at you through hazy eyes. Oh, he’s going to feel terrible about this in a few seconds—but right now you look fucking perfect. Your eyes are wide, nervous as his essence drips over your face and down your neck—he groans when you swallow cautiously, averting his eyes to the ceiling lest he do another thing he regrets. 

“Baby, I am so sorry,” he mutters, forcibly clearing the haze of orgasm from his mind and sitting up, fixing his pants and looking around before locating the box of tissues on the side table. “I’m so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” You look up at him attentively as he wipes himself from your face as gently as he can. 

“Why not?”

“Because I didn’t ask you first. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

Spencer guides your head around by your chin, wiping your jaw and lips. 

“It’s okay, Spence, I—”

“No, it’s not,” he cuts you off, trying to at least turn his guilt into a learning experience for you. He’s not deluded enough to think someone like you will stay with someone like him forever, because sometimes he does things like that, and he’s reminded that there are certainly people out there more deserving of you. At the very least he can clarify that nobody should ever do what he just did to you. “It’s really not nice to do that to someone.”

“Do you care what I think at all?”

Spencer freezes, finally forcing himself to look you in the eye. Despite the fact that he’s mad at himself, he’s sure it’s coming across as being directed at you. And he knows you’re sensitive, especially about this kind of thing. 

“Of course, I do, baby. I’m sorry. Do you want to come back up here with me and tell me what you’re thinking?” he murmurs, cupping your jaw. Hesitantly you nod. The tissues end up on the table—which he will be thoroughlywiping down later—before you crawl back into his lap from the floor. Spencer helps you settle against him, hoping he hasn’t messed this up irreversibly. He keeps his voice quiet as he rubs your leg. “What were you going to say?”

“I was going to say,” you begin, “that it’s fine, because you’ll remember to ask next time. And because… I kind of liked it. I like when—when you do stuff like that.”

It’s a miracle he can hear you with the way your voice drops into an almost-whisper and you’re hiding against his shirt. 

“Like what?” he murmurs. Although he’s not sure he’ll be able to handle the answer. 

“Like… I don’t know. Like you can do whatever you want to me. Like I’m literally yours.” Each word makes you cringe further, but Spencer has to try hard to maintain a cool facade as he processes this. If he’s going to try and be chivalrous, you’ll have to move away from this topic—this revelation—immediately. Thankfully, you seem eager to move on. “So… how did I do?”

He almost laughs. It seems exceedingly obvious how you did, but as per usual, you require verbal reassurance. 

“That was really good, baby. You did well.”

You blossom. 

“Really?”

“I wouldn’t lie.”

“Was I the best girl out of all of the other girls?” 

I wasn’t in love with any of the other girls. 

Just barely, he manages to stop himself from saying it, pinwheeling his arms on the edge of a very steep verbal cliff. The realization that he’s been in love with you for a while hits him like a truck. But he can’t tell you that right now. He should wait until you’re less vulnerable.

Fuck. 

He really wants to tell you right now. 

“Actually—don’t answer that,” you decide, while all of this happens in his head in less than a few seconds. “I want to go back to pretending I’m the only girl you’ve ever seen in your life.”

“You’re the only one that matters,” he offers, relieved to express at least some portion of the much bigger truth. Then he frowns. “Not that the other women I’ve met don’t lead important lives. I actually know a lot of incredibly influential and intelligent people who are women. I have deep respect for all of them. Am I helping or making it worse?” he rambles. You giggle. He has his answer. “What about you? How do you feel?” he asks after a moment, tenderly, lowly, stroking your hair as you lean against his chest. 

It takes you a moment to deliberate, fiddling with the fabric of his shirt. 

“I feel good. I, um… liked it a lot more than I would have thought.”

“Well, that’s good. Much better than if you had hated every second of it.”

You hum in agreement, and he waits for you to say whatever you’re holding back. It comes sooner than he’d have anticipated. 

“I feel bad about the times before. How did you just… go to sleep after? Were you not, like—insanely turned on? Not that I’m, like, irresistibly sexy, or whatever—you know what I mean.”

Spencer smiles because he knows you can’t see him. 

“I wasn’t doing it to pressure you into feeling obligated to reciprocate, I guess. My line of reasoning was that it would be less intimidating if I didn’t even present it as an option until you wanted to try.”

“Oh.”

Spencer thinks he sees where this is going. 

“Why?” he asks, leaning back and encouraging you to look at him. “Are you insanely turned on?”

“Wh—that’s—I didn’t say that!”

Spencer can feel how warm your cheeks are as he presses his lips to the side of your face. 

“You can tell me if you are,” he murmurs, all smiley as he moves to kiss your lips. “If you want something, you need to ask for it. I’m not a mind reader.”

“Yes you are,” you grumble. “That’s literally what behavioral analysis is.”

Not quite true, but surprisingly, he doesn’t feel the need to explain to you the semantics of what he does for work right now. 

“What got you all excited?”

“You know what,” you mumble, trying to look away again. Spencer doesn’t allow it this time, gently grabbing your jaw. 

“Yes, I do. But I want you to tell me. If you want me to make you feel good, this is how you’re going to convince me that you deserve it.”

You whine wordlessly, looking at him with those big, lust-glazed eyes.

“You wanted me to teach you how to use your words, right? This is it. I’m giving you an opportunity. If you don’t want to, that’s okay. Maybe we can take a nap, like you said earlier.”

“No! I liked—um, I liked all of it. I didn’t know if I would, because I was really nervous. But when I first—you know—and you got all quiet… it was like you couldn’t even talk for a minute. I was kind of proud of that. Because normally nobody can ever get you to stop talking.” Spencer narrows his eyes incredulously, a small smile tugging at his lips. But he doesn’t interrupt—not when it seems you’re finally starting to get more confident in your words. “And I really liked the noises you made. I think that was my favorite part. I liked when you pulled my hair back, and how you spoke to me. And when… when you got me messy and I had to swallow it. I really liked how it felt because I couldn’t think of anything else, just making you feel good. I really wanted to… make you proud, I guess. Is that weird?”

Spencer shakes his head no, a fond smile on his face when your eyes meet his again. 

“No. It’s a pretty normal thing to feel when you’re nervous and wanting to impress someone you care about. And I would have been proud no matter what, for the record. You were being very brave.”

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth, watching him expectantly. Spencer should have known you’re too needy to truly absorb anything he says to you right now. Which is actually pretty cute. Everything you do is endearing to him. 

“Stand up.”

You frown. 

“But—”

“Just stand up,” he demands calmly, preferring to think of himself as firm and not bossy. 

You do, looking rather annoyed and confused as you plant yourself in front of him. 

“Why?”

“You are so full of questions.” His hands slip up the side of your legs, under your skirt, and hook in the waistband of your underwear. Spencer looks up at you meaningfully and you nod, swallowing. 

As he pulls down, Spencer can literally feel the resistance of the fabric clinging to your soaked core. Under his touch the skin of your thighs is warm and soft. He wants to feel it on either side of his face, he wants to hear you whine as his stubble rubs against it, he wants to feel it clamp around his wrist, he wants it between his teeth and he definitely wants it pressing against his hips as he—

But no. 

There will be time for all of those things—especially the last one—later. For now, he’ll reach between your legs just to see—

“Oh, my god,” Spencer half-chuckles, half-groans, upon feeling how wet you truly are for him. He drags his knuckles from your dripping entrance up over your clit, pinching very lightly and earning a squeak from you which he ignores. “You really did like having your mouth full of me, huh?”

“I told you,” you breathe, visibly relaxing some as he continues to play with you for a moment. Then he pulls his hand away again, patting his thigh. 

“Sit.”

“You want me to…”

“Yes,” he says, simply. 

“But is it not going to… am I not going to mess up your pants?”

“You are even more neurotic about messiness than I am. I can wash them, honey. Come here.”

Spencer guides your hips over his thigh, watching your pretty face twist with uncertainty as you fully settle on him. Fuck, he can feel your warmth through the fabric instantly. Already he’s getting hard again. 

“What am I supposed to do?” you whisper, bunching his shirt in your fists. Spencer slides your skirt up higher, revealing the way you’re nestled against his thigh. He spreads you a little further apart, exposing more of your clit to the material underneath you. Immediately you press against him—he watches the delicate flesh rubbing gingerly against him and  his grip tightens ever so slightly. 

“All you have to do is rock back and forth. It’s easy.”

Already you’re starting to do it—but he guesses it’s like earlier where you don’t even realize it’s happening. 

“But… I wanted your mouth,” you admit, quietly, slinging your arms around his neck and burying your face there. 

“Do this for me first. Just get yourself off like this one time and then you can have my mouth. You said you wanted to help me feel better because I’m tired today, right?

“Yes,” you mumble, squirming over him. 

“Well, there are a lot of days when I get back home and I’m tired. I’m gonna need you to be able to get on top of me, just like this, and make me feel better. And I know you don’t know what it feels like to have something that deep inside of you yet, but it’s gonna be a lot. Even once you know how it feels to have me inside when you’re underneath me. I need you to practice for me right now so you’ll be ready, okay?”

You could come from the words alone. You nod, dazed with need as you roll your hips in a circle, pressing his thigh against your clit. 

“Back and forth, baby,” he murmurs, guiding your hips forward with his hands locked around them. “Back and forth, just like this…”

You moan quietly, shamelessly, eyes fluttering as you look down and watch your clit dragging over the darkening fabric. It’s easier if you isolate your hips, grinding down without moving your legs or upper body at all. 

“It feels really good,” you whisper under your quickening breath. 

“Yeah? Does it?”

“Mhm.”

“Good, angel. You look like you know what you’re doing.”

It’s audible now, quiet and wet and dirty. 

“I don’t,” you breathe. He sucks in a breath of his own, stilling your hips with fingers pressed deep into your flesh. 

“Sit up, baby.” You really wish he would stop making you stop, but you don’t want to keep going in case he needs you to quit—so you rise slowly, thighs trembling as you kneel. Spencer groans at the strings of your arousal momentarily connecting your core to his pants before they snap, getting your inner thighs wet. There’s a dark, very wet patch over his thigh, shining like glass. He thumbs over your slick clit absentmindedly as he looks up at you like you’re a miracle. “You’re fucking soaked. I’ve never seen you like this. Is this all from making me come?”

You nod feverishly, hips grinding against nothing in search of friction. He sits you back down on his leg, allowing you to sloppily find your rhythm again. Spencer bounces his leg lightly and you cry out softly, buckling forward. His arms wrap around you, still pressing you down against his thigh as you rut against it. 

“You’re sweet. Maybe I should have known how much you’d like it when I came all over your pretty face. You really like hearing that you did a good job, huh? I bet you like it even more when I prove it to you.”

You moan a “yeah,” barely processing his words. 

“My good girl even swallowed on her first try. Took it so well. And now look at how you’re taking this. You’re gonna love riding, baby. Just going to be another thing you’re good at as soon as you try it.”

“Spencer,” you gasp, overwhelmed by the praise. He’s bouncing his leg at regular intervals and everything is so sensitive.

“I know it’s harder to finish this way, but just one time, remember? And then you can have my tongue for as long as you want. You are my only plan for the day. Just give me one like this.”

But it’s not really harder to finish this way. Then again, you’re so turned on you could probably finish if a breeze hit you just right. Regardless, the thought of him going down on you again pushes you even closer to the edge.

You don’t know how much time goes by like that, you rubbing against him like it’s the last thing you’ll ever do, him pressing up into you until the pressure is so taut it snaps. There’s no time to warn him, but you suppose you don’t really need to. You writhe against him, caught between wanting to keep going and not being able to take more stimulation. He lifts you up just slightly, trying to separate you from his leg. You exhale deeply as your body relaxes, already close to dozing off against his chest.

“We can’t have you tapping out just yet. I still have to fulfill my end of the deal.”

In the end, he fulfills it three times over, and you end up showing your appreciation in kind one more time—much slower and more comfortably in his bed. He gives you plenty of time to learn what he likes, taking your teasing and coquettish explorations like a champ and never so much as tightening his grip in your hair. Turns out, you don't exactly spend the day doing nothing.

And you do end up taking that nap after all. Just... much, much later. And with less clothing on.

-

part 3.5

[wol-fica]

-𝔽𝕝𝕠𝕣𝕕𝕚𝕒 𝕊𝕦𝕟-

———————-

parings - jennaortega x fem!reader

summary - you love jenna, and you strive to prove it

warnings - tons of fluff, implied sexual themes, some teasing, r is a menace

an - put my entire pussy into this one

———————-

The sun was shining, sending beams of light into the hotel room where you and your girlfriend resided. Sounds of kissing and clothes rustling could be heard throughout the space; some would say it’s deafening.

You happily sighed through your nose, cupping Jenna’s cheek to pull her closer to you. Her soft lips were slotted against yours, her head slightly tilted so you could kiss her more properly.

She was sitting on the bed with you in her lap, her arms around your waist to keep you from falling out of her grasp while she leaned against the headboard. She smiled against your lips, a giggle slipping out when you tried to chase her after she pulled away.

“Calm down amor.” She murmured, pecking your nose, “I’m not going anywhere.”

You rolled your eyes, leaning into her arms when she kissed your neck. A groan exited your throat while she pressed her face into your skin, inhaling your scent with a satisfied sigh.

“You smell good.” Jenna said, kissing the shell of your ear, “Like honey.”

“Because I showered…?” You replied, quirking an eyebrow as she pulled your closer.

“Mmmm, and you taste divine.” She mumbled, burying her face into your neck, “So warm…”

You laid a kiss to the top of her head, “How was filming today?”

Jenna hummed, choosing to ignore your question and instead pulling the head of your sleep shirt up so she could stick her head under it.

“Baby.” You repeated, gasping when her teeth sunk into your shoulder, “What’s going on?”

Jenna sighed, pulling herself back out from under your shirt, a droopy frown on her face while you cupped her cheeks.

“It was too long.” She said, leaning into your palm, “I missed you.”

You moved to kiss her, softly pressing your lips to hers to remind her that you were there to help her relax. Her hands squeezed your hips, you responded by pulling away to push her onto her stomach.

She gave you a confused look but complied, rolling over and leaning on her elbows to peer at you while you grabbed some things from the bathroom. Once you returned, you climbed onto the bed and straddled her hips, pushing at her upper back so she would lay flat.

“What are you up to?” Jenna asked, quirking an eyebrow while you pushed her loose tank-top up her body to remove it.

“Just lay there, you will see.” You retorted, grabbing the lotion you got from the bathroom.

You squirted some into your hand, setting the bottle to the side before rubbing your hands together to spread and warm up the liquid.

Your hands found their way to her shoulders, resting there before rubbing the lotion into her skin. You pressed into her, kneading her sore muscles and carefully avoiding the handful of bruises she acquired from her big stunt earlier today. A throaty moan exited her mouth, her head falling onto the pillow when you massaged her achy spine.

A few of her joints popped, making you giggle and causing her to sigh in satisfaction. You leaned forward to press a few kisses to her lower back, your hands immediately following to continue caressing her skin. At this point Jenna had completely melted into the mattress, letting you massage away all of her stress.

“Thank you.” She mumbled, reaching back to find you hand.

You intertwined your fingers with hers, giving her hand a gentle squeeze before pushing it back up to where it was before so you could finish the task at hand. You pressed your palms into her sides, thumbs going forward to massage the muscles there.

That’s when Jenna moaned again, this time a higher pitched whine that she had reserved for when the two of you would do other things. You chuckled, a small blush coming to your face at the sound. Her hips twitched, alerting you to her thighs rubbing together.

“I’ll take care of that soon I promise.” You whispered into her ear, reaching under her to cup her breasts in your hands, “You gotta be patient with me darling.”

Jenna groaned, shoving her face into the pillow to hide her discomfort. You tutted are that, reaching back to her hips to roll her over. Your hands returned to her chest, thumbs rolling her hardening nipples.

“Be patient.” You repeated, a new sternness in your voice, “Can you do that for me pretty girl?”

————————————

no part 2, just use your imagination my loves

SIKE @talialeih JUST MADE ME FUCKING DIE KAKXNSNNXNSNSNSNS GOTTA WRITE ONE NOW

taglist: @crystal-lily-101 @tundra1029 @aahdiieb @rainbow-love4ever @imhungry-andtired @theafterofnevermore @k1mba @simp4thena @thenextdawn @alexkolax @annalestern @efectoangel @fall-08 @simp4wom3n @littlegaybutterflysblog @sayaisrotten @deep-fried-egg @notheoneforlove @frasersgf

[all-about-kyu]

Summary: You and Hongjoong have a special bond that’s a little different than the rest of the thunder. Pairing: dragon!Hongjoong x bunny!reader (background of poly!ateez) Tropes: hybrid au, established relationship au Genre: smut Rating: R 18+ Warnings: implications of unhealthy habits, mentions of magical abilities Smut Warnings: dragon cock lol, cockwarming, studio sex, size kink, mentions of sexual relations with other members Word Count: 839 Note: for the Tarot Card Drabble Event & a future part of CTASF ;) Requested by: @sanjoongie​

The Lovers ➾ Sex at home, comfortable setting, aftercare, cuddling, lazy sloppy sex, cockwarming, romantic sex

You don’t know how you ended up wandering around the house at sunrise. Nor do you know when you ended up in front of Hongjoong’s studio. Yet, here you are. You know it’s likely that he won’t be able to hear you if you were to knock, so you opt to just walk in. Your white ears are slightly droopy, with the start of sleep tugging at you. You see Hongjoong’s peach-scaled tail stretching out behind the chair, shifting once in a while when he resituates. He’s producing something again. His headphones were secured over his ears. His lavender eyes are thinly slitted, showing how focused he is on whatever he’s working on. You approach carefully and place a hand on his shoulder so as not to startle him. He still jumps slightly but relaxes the moment he realizes it’s you. He pauses his work and takes his headphones off.

“Hi sweet bun, everything okay?” he asks.

“I’m always awake around this time.” you chuckle, “The real question is, why are you still awake? The rest of the thunder is fast asleep still.”

“I want to get this done. I froze time for a little and ended up procrastinating still.”

You hum, “Do you need another pair of ears?”

“I think I just need a break.” he sighs.

He rolls his chair back and pats his thigh. You know exactly what he’s asking. You climb into his lap and slot your legs through the armrests of his chair. He wraps his arms tight around your waist as you melt into his hold. Your ears flop down, and you let out a small purr-like noise, feeling so safe with him. One of his hands wanders up and down your spine in a relaxing pattern for a few moments. Then you notice something hard under you. You sit up straight in his lap, and he gives you a confused look.

“Joongie,” you whisper, “I can feel you.”

“I know, hops. We don’t need to do anything, though. The last thing we need is to wake up Wooyoung again; he almost electrocuted both of us last time.”

“Could we,” you stop yourself, “Maybe we could just… I don’t know.”

“Hey, what is it? There’s no shame here, especially in my studio.”

“What if we just cockwarmed.” you shyly nibble on your lower lip.

Hongjoong lets a smile grace his scale-framed face; his slitted pupils widen, showing his concern melting into happiness.

“If that’s what you want, honey bun. You go ahead and take your shorts off. You’re practically swimming in Seonghwa’s hoodie. No one will see anything if they interrupt.”

You nod and get up. The fact that he took your wishes into consideration made your heart do summersaults despite it being such a simple thing. When you return from placing your folded shorts on the couch against the back wall, you see your second eldest boyfriend waiting for you. His hard member in his hand waiting for you. Of all your boyfriends, you tend to have a slightly tougher time taking Hongjoong than others. Not to say that any of them are small, quite the opposite. Being a bunny hybrid dating eight dragon hybrids, your poor body could hardly handle any of them at first. With Hongjoong, though, his tip is far bulgier than others of them. With the ridges on the underside, too, you practically crumble the instant he’s inside you.

You climb back into his lap, positioning yourself over him. He takes his free hand and holds your cheek in his palm. You lean into his touch, your ears flopping down, feeling relaxed by the contact.

“Take your time, honey bun. I don’t want you hurting yourself.”

“I- I should be okay. Yun had me stowed away in his room all day yesterday since he had off.” you admit, the heat of a blush burning through your skin.

“I know, hops. I still want you to be careful and take your time, though.”

Slowly but surely, you sink yourself onto Hongjoong. Your thighs quiver as you push the last bit of him into you. His thumb runs across your belly, feeling exactly where his tip hits inside you. He lets his hand settle on your side, nearly covering it despite him having small hands in comparison to your other partners. Hongjoong lets his other hand pet one of your snow-white ears. You hardly realize when you start drifting off into a daze, you could almost compare it to sleep.

“Honeybun,” Hongjoong gently calls, “I got a bit of inspiration. You can continue resting. I just wanna get this idea out into the program.”

You hum in response, “What time is it? You didn’t freeze time again, did you?”

“No, honeybun, it’s almost 7 am now. Do you have anything planned today?”

“I asked Mingi if I could shadow him at work today. His lectures aren’t until noon and 3 pm, I think.”

“Let’s stay here for a while, then. I enjoy these times with you.”

“I do, too, Joongie.”

COPYRIGHT FLOWERBOYKUN 2023© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED — reposting/modifying any fic, or piece of original writing posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations are not permitted. 

Networks: @cultofdionysusnet​ @kwritersworld​ @k-vanity​

Tag List: @sanjoongie​ @jaehunnyy​ @ericssmile​

[1117feverlessdreams]

Mr.Write 📝 Right: Chapter 5 (FINALE)

* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚*

☑️🤍A/N: (B/R/N)- Boss Real Name.

☑️🤍Word Count: 22k

☑️🤍Warnings: Psychosis, Sexual Assault, Reader Suffers From PTSD, Oral Sex, Angst, Hate speech, Language, Fluff, Smut (First Time), a 🤏 of Sadism.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚*

After utilizing the nightlight Hongjoong has always remembered to leave on for you, you can clearly see as the clock reads 2:23 AM, and he, who lies behind you embracing you stronger than ever before, is knocked out cold and clueless about your struggle.

The night was currently going by with you wavering in and out of sleep with anxiety.

Nearly your every thought only consisted of how your boss was going to be put in the cuffs of Justice, and the clock could only remind you how time was slipping from the palm of your hands

It was flying by so fast, as much as you try to grip onto every second.

Hongjoong however, isn’t going anywhere.

In the oversized t-shirt you're draped in, you can feel every detail of his bare robust chest pressed against your backside.

Even more so, his tatted arm wraps around your waist so tightly he whimpers when you move an inch. It makes you feel bad when you hear the echos of his soft snores into the holes of your ears.

It was like he was at peace with you, and all that’s going on.

Ever since he presented that video to you last night, you’re composure has shaken a bit, and his attempts for a distraction came with the embrace he has on you currently, and a statement of ‘everything will work out just fine my love.’

Like the baby he is, he fell asleep to his own mantra like it was a lullaby, but only because he had thought you had drifted to sleep as well, yet you only pretended to do that that he finally could.

After all his hard work this week, you wanted him to rest as he desperately needed to, even though he'd never felt inclined to say.

You shift slightly into his arms to turn your head to look at his sleeping figure, and to your great surprise, your met with kind droopy dark brown eyes.

In a raspy quiet voice, he whispers, “I knew it.”

He caught you.

“You never fall asleep that quickly.” And he knows you too well. “What's keeping you up my love?” Is voice croaks.

Amidst your loudly beating heart, he lightly pets the back of your head, and it soothes you just enough to tell him all of what is on your mind.

“I’m worried, joongie. “How is this all gonna play out? I hate being kept in the dark like this.” You pout.

He then sits up to reveal the sculpting of his pretty abdomen, and the lining of his boxers. In a gentle manner, he makes the move of cupping your face in his soft hands. A gesture that was commonly shared between the two ever since your very first kiss at the rink.

Just as expected, his other slender hand sweeps under your chin to place a quick peck on your lips before he says, “Oh my precious darling baby, that’s not my intention, whatsoever. Tomorrow, I promise you, everything will work out just fine.”

Another peck is pressed onto your lips. “Can you put your trust in me, baby?”

‘Of course’, you scoff inside your mind and think, 'How silly of a question that is'.

“You, are one of the only people in this world I still can trust, you’ve always been there for me.”

Like something you’d see in a cartoon, his white tooth smile appears and gleams in the moonlight through his sheer black curtains, complimenting the flow of his messy white hair.

“Well… if you just believe in that.”He skidded your forehead. “Believe in me”, he kisses your nose. “I promise you, everything will turn out for the best.” Another kiss, one of many he's shared with you already.

It was then you acquired some sense of peace in your mind and gestured for him to lie back down to coddle your face into his neck indulging in his soft cotton scent.

I’m minutes your body surrenders and shuts down easily, cooling the exhausting strain that burns in your eyes. “You’re a dream come true, you whisper into his neck.

He embraces your body in the same exact way with you facing in front of him,

As you gradually drift off into the actual dream realm you hear the final words from him before you are knocked out completely, "I love you too, my sweet."

…

“Hey! Hey are you okay?”

Your vision is still dark and you feel your body heavy on a cold, marble floor underneath you.

It was nothing like the cushion soft memory foam mattress that you now casually share with the love of your life.

As you open your eyes to search for the slightly high-pitched voice calling out to you, strobes of colorful neon lights infiltrate your eyes differentiating from the dimness that was once in the bedroom.

In an attempt to try to open them once again, what appears right in front of you is a blurred stature in blobs of black and white.

"Here, grab on."

A small hand is extended in arm's reach, and you squint as you try your best to identify whom it belongs to, but with this sucky blurred vision, you have no clue.

In an effort to get off the chilling floor that nearly numbs you from its touch, you take the hand as it is the only thing that seems trusting in your new environment.

As you stumble and try to manage to stand on your own two feet, the figure in front of you clears like magic.

It’s a boy, who looks fairly young. Maybe about 10 years younger than you are now. His hair is black and styled into a bowl cut. His eyes are dark between with a respective kindness, and an all-white outfit that makes him look approachable and trustworthy.

It was one of those people your mind conjures and gives birth to when you dream, you had to be, and his parents, are the buried images deep in your memory.

Behind the boy is a crowd of bodies all focused on you, yet their faces are censored from revelation with black X’s on their features. It's like a freak show, with only this boy in front of you appearing the most normal.

It was then you asked the most important question here, "Where the hell am I?"

The boy tilts his head like a kicked puppy in confusion as he says, “Don’t you remember what happened? I had kicked down that door to get to you. What all had that dickwad done to you anyway?”

At this, you turn to see the door he was talking about. It’s wide open with a hole in its frame, and inside the room is a toilet and a broken flower vase on the ground in front of it, destroyed with shards of glass everywhere.

In one of the shards, you see a reflection of a sequin sparkly dress you are supposedly wearing deflecting in its piece…your mother's dress that eye on that fateful night.

You shake your head in disbelief as you hear the voice of your attacker, then ex-boss, voice inside your head.

'She’d worn that skin-tight dress to be sexy and proactive.

‘I was told, that she was a virgin desperate to swipe her v card. So I was just the cashier who was ready and waiting at the register.'

An image that you’ve always imagined to be terrifying in the dark, is now openly clear to you in the light.

Nevertheless, it’s still just as terrifying.

It was easy to decipher the difference between real life and your dreams, but this one, in particular, was all too real.

'The origin story of a 25-year-old virgin whose hobby consists of getting off to the impurity of fictional writings ungraceful words', is something you know all too well.

And with that in mind, you can presume that the boy who fought him off and saved you is,

"Hongjoong?” your voice trembles.

You turn around quickly to stare at what your brain had manufactured as an interpretation of Hongjoong, as a teenager.

You don’t remember what he looks like from that night because you basically bolted straight for the door after what happened to you, you couldn’t have cared less, but now that you know of his role that night, it clicks that this is what you think he might’ve looked like.

The boy whom you now acknowledge as Hongjoong looks just as equally confused as you do at that very moment. "Yeah, that's me. I'm sorry, uh, have we met before?"

Sure you have, twice even. However, this is not the Hongjoong you know of, altered and twisted, this mini-me is merely a bad copy, and it was certainly pissing you off.

“You." You growl, stepping forward to poke his undeveloped chest. "Are not, him. Not the one that I know of, the real Hongjoong, you can't be, it’s impossible, so stop the bullshit kid."

The crowd of marked faces continues to stand still at the scene you present in front of them. A stable consistency in their stance creeps you out completely, causing you to falter in your attitude, and hesitantly remove your finger from the boy's chest.

He shrinks to make himself small even with being a few inches taller than you are, and subtly fixes his shirt as he stutters, “I-I don’t follow, you know another guy named, Hongjoong?”

In peaked annoyance, you close your eyes and sigh in defeat, hoping that when you open them again, he, and all the nameless faces, disappear.

As you slowly open them back up to take a peek, he and the crowd stand there, unmoving.

You can feel yourself starting to slip away and give in to the craziness. “Never mind that", you mutter. "What happened to everyone, the black x’s on their faces? What happened to him?”

If he was here, your attacker, it would certainly make sense that this could truly be a nightmare, as he is the monster you have yet to escape from on this night, and it still affects you in reality nearly 10 years later.

“I don’t know. The boy shrugs. "It just showed up when everything broke out in there. It was like, they all were blinded by what was happening, it even happened to my friend Seongwha."

Another boy he appoints to is… Park Seonghwa.

It was everything you encaptured of him in memory from 10 years ago, yet more or less with the black X that covers his kind bright features.

"That guy that tried to-” he cuts himself off and continues, "I just kept punching him until I couldn’t anymore, and that's when the light turned back off and he just…disappeared back into the dark.” he shakes his head as if he’s recollecting the sequence of events in memory.

“It was just weird and freaky."

This isn’t exactly the timeline you remember in this unforgettable moment, but it seems a hell of a lot freakier than what happened in actuality.

You shake your head as you spot the front door for an exit, “I can’t do this."

When you approach the exit, a mass of bodies mimics your movements, never taking their eyes off of you.

In fear of what to do next, you turn to ‘Hongjoong’ who remains in his place and you say, "I need to wake up, I can’t be here anymore…it doesn’t make sense.”

He simply nods as he squeezes his way through the swarms of bodies, meeting you at the door.

"I can walk you home. Or-no, you probably don’t want that." He smack himself in the head. "Gosh, I’m so stupid! You probably can’t even trust anyone now. I don't know a cab maybe? Wait no, that's stupid too-and dangerous! How about-"

"Hongjoong!” you yell. The boy immediately stops his rantings and puts his eyes back on you at full attention, "I trust you, okay? Can you just- walk me home, please?"

You must sound desperate, crazy, and out of your mind, because the look he gives you is questionable, nonetheless, he steps out the door with ease and holds out his arm for you to loop yours through.

At least your mind got something right, he would've been a fine gentleman, even way back then.

The both of you begin walking out the door as the crowd of shaded faces remain still in the fancy household, watching you behind the windows from all its many rooms.

A shadowed face in particular that shocks you is that of Park Seongwha, whose handprint is pressed right onto the glass as he watches you two leave, like he regained his own self-control.

Your eyes widen in shock as you look over to Hongjoong by your side who only shakes his head.

"There's no use. I've already tried to get him to snap out of it, but he won't budge."

Hongjoong speeds up in his steps onto the dark gray sidewalk, pulling you along with him, and for one last time you look back, and the black X on Seongwha’s face has completely fallen. It's the only face you see, a face of sympathy, apology, and regret.

You follow the boys pace and walk faster away from the scene onto the sidewalks path with some of its engraved squares enlightened in the streetlights.

There are so many questions you want answered, but if you say them aloud you know you'd sound insane, and you've got a feeling that's exactly what will suck you further into the craziness this fake depicted reality contains.

"So, how do you know my name?" the boy on your arms asks, breaking the silence you suffered ever since you left Seongwha behind in that house.

Hongjoong hadn't even gone to your school at this time, but from what you know he was way out of town so he’s probably super confused about how you know who he is.

Even though he is just a figment of your brain and you know you very well share the same mind, you play along in answering his silly questions, in the hope of getting out of this distorted memory.

“Seonghwa is how”, you explain. “He and I have the 5th period together." A true fact. "We talk sometimes, and he tends to mention you a lot in conversations.” A non-true fact.

Your lie is certainly not something you would have come up with so quickly in real life. And even now, lying to Hongjoong felt like a sin, as the angel he's always shown to be.

A groan is heard from beside you and you're afraid you've said something wrong until he says, “You must think I'm a weirdo. See, Seongwha always tries to embarrass me when he talks about me to other people. Especially to... pretty people."

A heat creeps on your cheeks and you truly feel like a teenage girl all over again. Except you have to remember, you aren’t.

It's not the Seongwha you remember, poking fun at people or even the friends he had, however, you weren't really in his circle to know who he really was all that well.

In a teasing manner, you bump shoulders with the boy, slowly starting to like him a bit more. "Nahhh nothing like that, I promise. Just that you're a super awesome and reliable guy is all. I heard you even came to his party from all the way out of town."

Luckily you had little facts and information from Seongwha and Hongjoong's point of view that night, the things you are saying actually make sense, even though they probably wouldn't have much impact in this dimension.

"Pshhh”, Hongjoong brushes off. Park Seongwha, saying something so nice like that, about me?"

Your face is contorted in confusion as to what he means until you hear one of the giggles you have grown so fond of.

"No, I'm kidding. But yeah, I don't live around here, and Seonghwa has been through a lot with his parents and all, the pressure of trying to get straight A's so he can join this "dance club." he air quotes.

Ah, you do remember the 30+ member dance group he was the leader of, formed almost exactly a year from today. It was short-lived, but by the joy on his face, you could tell it was something Seongwha was passionate about.

It makes you wonder if his career of choice revolved and outweighed that passion after this night, and how sorry you'd feel for crumbling his dreams for something you had no control over.

"See that's what Seonghwa means by you being reliable. you commentate. You are so sweet, I mean, you didn't have to help me even just now, never in life will I be able to thank you enough for that."

It was something you've always said to Hongjoong in real life, so you already know what his response is gonna be.

Hongjoong waves off your comment immediately with his free hand, "It's common human decency. I don't even know that guy, but I fucking despise guys like him you know? Sure, he has money and everything, big deal. But how prideful do you have to be to think you should be excused from all morality?"

You smile inside at how predictable his response was, even as a teenager, he carries the wisdom of an old soul.

Memories of the ridiculously big suburban houses in the neighborhood around you translate from memory. It feels like yesterday when you ran down this very sidewalk and into your parent's arms.

Yet it stuck with you what 'young Hongjoong' said, and it couldn't be any further from the truth, because it's what you know, and who exactly your attacker came out to be. A lying, womanizing, narcissistic control freak who by some sick fate turned out to be your boss for a year too many, covering the footsteps of his past that it even blinded you, the victim, of his true identity.

A few more moments of silence carry between you two as you start entering the poorer parts of the city. You were well off growing up, however you nor your parents had the expenses for a bigger house nor all your wants.

Hence the makeup, dresses, and modifications you wished to have but never gotten with the only purpose of changing your outer appearance, to be wanted by the eyes of your male peers.

But after that-or in this case, tonight, you've found greater value in your other priorities, yourself, and you got that big house for your parents when you grew up out of love.

The house you recognize as your childhood home comes into view, and you remember how at this later hour you’d be inside coddled and crying into your parent's arms, headed to the police station that very next morning.

But that’s simply something you don’t want to relive right now, you were safe, and the thought of remaking history into a better version with the future love of your life beside you seemed more plausible.

As if the dream gods knew exactly what you were thinking, the local park right across the street appears, a staple necessary in your childhood to feel free.

As you stare at two empty swings on a set you pull Hongjoong's arm to stop the tracks of your two pairs of feet, and an idea pops into your mind.

You look at his dumbfounded expression and it makes you grin as you shout, "The last person to make it to the swings is a rotten egg!"

Without giving him time to think you unclasped your arms and bolted for the set of empty swings.

Hongjoong is left behind on the sidewalk perplexed at your sudden outburst of excitement.

Yet, he chases after you as you both giggle like the children you are in this repetition of time. You, of course, make it to a swing first in support of your starting boost.

"That's not fair, you had a head start!" Hongjoong stumbles putting in his final steps as he sits in the swing next to you, pouting with those precious pink lips as his chest heaves in heavy breaths.

You shrug your shoulders as Hongjoong adjusts onto the seat of the swing. "You've gotta be quicker than that. You mockingly stick out your tongue, Haven't you heard? You snooze, you lose.~"

Hongjoong tounges his cheek, and nods his head admitting to defeat in your teasing. You begin to kick your feet from the ground watching as his face melts to a serious one.

Anytime your sunshine isn't shining with one of those white pretty smiles. you're certainly in for a rainy day. "Shouldn't you be headed home? He ponders. I'm sure your parents are worried sick about you."

You avert your eyes to the night sky and smirk at upon his genuine concern, the twinkling shapes of the stars remind you of his eyes. Dark, yet sparkling with joy, an abyss in which you always get so easily lost in.

"Yeah, they probably are." You say dismissively. "But I'd rather be here right now, because it’s always easier with just you...you know?"

In the curiosity of his reaction, you look to your left to see a deep red blush creeping up the sides of his face as he secretly composes himself. Instead of further teasing him you leave him be, and look back into the night sky as you swing together in peace.

"This reminds me of the nights we've spent in the living room together, you know, just staring in the moonlight with you in my arms. It's the easiest feeling in the world.”

Your head snaps startled from the change to a deeper voice from the boys side.

He was your Hongjoong, whose appearance has completely changed to one you recognize.

As he continues to stare into the moonlight. He was still dressed in all white in comparison to the stars in the sky and his now neatly combed white hair.

To your astonishment, he also wore those black glasses and pretty pearl earrings you used to adore.

Your shocked expression turns into a wide smile as you've finally recognized the man you know and love so dearly in your reality.

"Being with you anytime and anywhere is the best feeling in the world." You reply.

The gecko tight-lipped smile you also know and love forms on his lips, further bringing you the familiarity that you have been craving.

But it's all washed away when he turns to you and says, "You know what else is easy? Telling me the truth my love…how long do you plan on hiding until you show me who you really are?"

All your swinging comes to a stop as you stare at his troubled expression. You couldn't even pretend to be insensible to what he was implying, because you've been keeping it secret since before the moment you saw him typing away in that library.

"I don't know, soon...” Hongjoong raises a brow and you draw back, "Maybe?" Two raised brows.

You sigh and look back into the night sky in avoidance of making eye contact with him as you confess, "What if it ruins everything we've built together? I can't afford to lose you."

The weight of his relentless stare uplifts from your body as he goes back to looking at the night sky with you. "When the truth comes into the light darling, you would've already lost me by keeping me here in the dark."

How ironic, It reminds you of the words you said to him not long ago, 'I’m worried joongie, how is this all gonna play out? I hate being kept in the dark like this.'

At a loss for words you say nothing in retort, and then a shooting star zooming across the sky causes you to perk up in excitement. You thought to use it in an attempt to bring it to Hongjoong's attention in hopes of a changed topic, but his spot in the swing is empty as it rocks and creaks.

just swinging,

swinging,

and swinging.

You look back into the night sky to see what was once a normal shooting star is a ginormous, radiant ball of light, and it's headed your way.

As you try to move, the ground sticks firmly to your feet.

It’s far too late to do anything as it gains speed and it’s rays brightens from all angles.

The ball is so close that it blinds you completely until all you can see is white, even when your eyes are closed.

Upon impact, you are rendered unconscious and fall to the mulch covered ground.

...

You awaken with an excruciating pain in your wrist. It's darker than before with a small unknown source of light. In front of you is nothing, on your left, nothing, your right, just the same.

When you look down, you see your feet swaying in the air, and it is then you look upward to see a neverending ceiling of swing chains that has become a tool of bondage as you are,

just swinging,

swinging,

and swinging.

In a speedy flash, a dark figure runs past your body leaning behind a strong breeze that continues on your swinging.

"You can't keep doing this." a distorted voice cries out, nearly making your ears bleed.

You struggle in the bonds to look around all around you and fail to locate the creature as the darkness conceals its presence, triggering your senses of fear immediately.

The distorted voice cries again and you see the figure gain proximity as you struggle from the restraints which have only grown tighter.

"You, of all people, should know that a relationship built on lies only ends up with you hurt in the end."

The creature begins to circulate around your body at a demonic pace with the speed of light, and your mind is going crazy as you try to escape from the binds yet they only grow tighter.

Suddenly, the figure stops pacing and stops right in front of your face while the unknown source of light follows slowly behind, their face is revealed and the creature comes to be…

"Me?"

The creature, who you see as yourself, is crying. She looks hurt, miserable, and so damn exhausted.

"You of all people should know what it's like to be kept in the dark."

Above you, a clinking noise is heard. The chains have become brittle and are breaking from the depths of their ends,

you look back at the clone of yourself for help only to see…

"Hongjoong! Help me, please!"

He was in the same attire, but the only thing that’s change is the look on his face.

The chains begin to unlink around your wrist, and you try to grab onto him but he grows farther from reach as your stomach drops and you fall deep into the ground without anything to hold on to.

The last you ever saw,

was the disappointed look on his face.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚*

You awaken paralyzed in fear as you attempt to catch air in your lungs, stiffly sitting straight up as though a Halloween pop-up shot up in someone’s yard during trick-or-treating.

The first thing that comes to mind, it is to open your eyes widely and take in your surroundings.

As normal you were in Hongjoongs bed, safe, once again.

"Stupid fucking nightmare," you whisper.

The morning sun warms your shivering body making it obvious you've made it through the whole night, but at a cost of nearly losing all of your sanity.

Hongjoong face of disappointed replays in your head as you hear the voice echo in your head and repeat, "You, of all people, should know that a relationship built on lies only ends up with you hurt in the end."

You can admit, that it's been time to tell him the truth already, and that dream was a wake-up call.

Literally.

Except you see that your opportunity is robbed when the spot next to you lies empty and cold as you run your fingers nimbly and search for him on his side of the bed.

In a panic, you retrieved your phone from under your pillow to try contact him and learn his location.

11:36 AM.

He didn’t have any meetings today, nor any errands whatsoever that he told you of, so the hell could he be?

You fondle with your phone to turn it on completely from sleeping mode and open your messaging app only to be drenched in a flood of notifications.

As you scan over the names on the very long list you see people who bullied you in high school, work colleagues who ignored your presence, and in your far distant relatives trying to hop in the pool for your undivided attention.

'Are you okay?'

'Im sorry that happened to you'

‘I wished I would've said something sooner.'

'How you've been? I saw the news.'

You hadn't known what the hell they were talking about, but with Hongjoong gone from beside you, it only intrigued you to know exactly of the ‘news’ that they speak of.

And a message that gave you the closest thing to an answer was from your parents, whom you haven’t talked to barely due to the lack of your self-control around a man you now love, and can't find at the current moment.

An old message:

Mom: Hey babycakes I miss you so much, let’s meet soon.

Rest aboves the new message:

Mom: Omg honey I just heard it all, you must be horrified right now. Please come home whenever you need.

‘What?’

You click off to view your fathers messages:

An old message:

Dad: I love you babydoll, I miss you, and just know I’m here to support you.

Rest above the new message:

Dad: Babydoll I’m so sorry. I should’ve known, I thought we had that bastard locked in a cage long time ago.

From all the unexpected worry it head is plunged into the deepest pools of psychosis as it suffers yet another set of chaos.

Which barely gives you time to recover from the dream you've awoken from.

You jump out of bed and immediately walk into the hallway as you look down at your phone in your hands, trying to contact the most stable thing in your life right now.

Suddenly all your worries were evaporated when you bump into a muscled hard chest that belongs to no other than,

“Hongjoong, where were you! I need to talk to you, its something very important.”

The something which you were going to speak of is the dream you had, and how you are now woke enough to tell him the hurtful truth.

“I've been here baby, you've just been asleep for so long.” He addresses. “I figured you need the sleep, and leave you be.” He then slowly approaches you to place his hands on your shoulders, rubbing them soothingly. “But it’s okay. I know what you're gonna say, I've been waiting for you to tell me."

Fuck.

“Wait…how did you figure it out?”

Hongjoong tilts his head in confusion. "How couldnt I? It's the news baby."

Oh right. You suppose now would be an inappropriate time to bring something into the discussion because you are now overly conscious about what business of yours is being shared with the world.

"What's this everything is speaking about thats on the news?"

Hongjoong cocks his head " You mean you haven't seen it yet?"

“No, I haven’t seen it. My phones is blowing up from all these messages im getting.”

Hongjoong doesn’t recognize your face is tense from his touch, but he looks too overly excited to notice.

“Well aren’t you curious?” Hongjoong implies.

Not even long before you nod your head he hurriedly leads you over to his couch for the two of you to sit.

His laptop is on display his arms open, waiting and ready for you to put your self in them.

However, you can’t bear to right now as much as you need to.

Not after that dream, and you don’t even turn around to see the disappointment in his face, because then it would be all too real.

…

“Breaking news, a work scandal in the suburban, downtown area, has been revealed to the public this Saturday morning.”

“(B/R/N), CEO of The Cyberpunk Technician Company has been convicted of sexual harassment, embezzlement, disorderly conduct, and many other convictions for the past 5 years as he was caught before boarding a plane for a business trip to Japan. it is with great doubt that he will come from behind bars anytime soon.”

“Those of you at home may be asking, what took so long? Well, being a billionaire comes with a lot of perks, like buying your way out of the dark past.”

“His want for arrest was issued after a heavy discussion with an old college friend now Public Prosecutor Park Seongwha. A few audio clips exposed from that discussion will be shared now.”

…

“See the difference between her and all of your Secretary-intern bitches is that you think you know everything because you’ve had a taste of my dick!”

“You don’t get special benefits, not like she does because she doesn't make herself easy and works hard for all she has. I mean I'm paying for your son's fuckin schooling, aren’t I? What else could you possibly need?"

“Well I figured since, I’ve been doing this for more years than she has.. that maybe I can get something more?” 

“Well if you want more…then you have to give more right? On your knees.”

…

“Back to the studio, the audio you’ve just heard is a conversation recorded by an intern in the company, between her and the CEO, which is utterly disturbing to the ear.”

“Consequently, that same intern had gotten her wish to board to Japan without the CEO during his arrest, here is a footage clip of that as well.”

…

“You slut, after all I’ve given you!” The ex-CEO shouts in cuffs.

“It’s what you deserve you son of a bitch! The intern says as she pauses on the stairs of the private jet, “This.” She gestures to the plane's length outspreading her arms, “…is what I deserve!”

“What you deserve is a special place in hell you rotten whore!” The ex-CEO barks, thrashing out in his cuffs like an untamed animal.

“Oh yeah? Well, this whore is gonna be in Japan while you’re the one in actual hell, you sick bastard!” The intern flashes a middle finger and the ex-CEO is shoved into the back of an officer's vehicle.

…

“This is all for now, and we will be back later with the story in regards to his top employee, who we have been told will remain anonymous, and how she blindly worked for him for years, without realizing he was her attacker from a high school party.”

…

You did it.

The two of you,

finallly fucking did it.

No more cowering in the dark, no more stupid agendas to checklist, or a beastly man breathing down your neck and watching your every move.

Most of all, you get the freedom to feel direct sunlight back, without worrying about the coward lurking in your shadows.

You did it, yet, why does something feel missing?

“So…” Hongjoong suddenly speaks. “Where do you want to go from here my love? Or wait-didn’t you want to tell me something earlier?”

You can hear dream Hongjoong voice mocking you now, ‘How long do you plan on hiding until you show me who you really are?’

Soon. You will tell him. Just not here, not now, but soon, and you have just the right place and time in mind to do so.

“I was just thinking…it’s about time we should step foot out of your apartment together.” You sit closer to him, still hesitant to be worthy of his touch. “I miss spending time with you.”

By the looks of it, as Hongjoong smiles and shifts in his seat, he’s trying his best to resist touching you. It was stupid, you realize, this ‘push and pull game’ is hurting yours and his feelings even before hearing your truth, so you jump in his arms and he gladly wraps you in.

And maybe you thought it may ever be the last time you have the chance to before it all goes bad.

You can tell you’ve done the right thing when he says, “That sounds great baby! Where do you want to go? No matter how big or small, just know I got it covered.”

“Well…” you stretch out deciding to move your body to straddle his lap, it was a bold move and it only happened when you were in makeup sessions or dry humping one another, but you just did it for the hell of it.

“How about…I take you out this time? You quirk. “You know, as a thank you. Without all your hard work, this wouldn’t be possible.”

Hongjoong holds onto your hips instantly as you adjust yourself on his lap. “Oh, baby.” He began massaging under his oversized shirt you were wearing, “Haven’t you thanked me enough? You know I-”

You’re quick to put a finger to his lips before he can say something predictable along the lines of what you’ve scripted in memory.

“Just this once honey~”. You drag out. “Let me take my…” You begin to drag your finger from his lips downward and stop right above his private. “Sexy, passionate, alluring, brilliant-minded journalist, that I love so dearly, on a romantic date, hm?”

It was exceptionally bold of you but you meant every word but you know with the tongue of sensual persuasion you were gonna hit him right in the heart.

Hongjoong's hips buck up slightly as his eyes darken. “Hmmm. When you say it like that darling, how could I ever say no to such a generous offer?”

In a promiscuous way, he curls his index finger motioning for you to get closer. “Come down here, my love.” He whispers.

You leans down meeting his charming face, grabbing onto his shoulders for stability.

“Now what?” you deliberately interrogate. His brows jump transforming his whole face into a quizzical expression. A ‘don’t test me’ expression.

A little more than a subtle slap to your ass forwards you to latch your mouth onto his. It started out as a harsh smooch, a simple yet feverish taste, and what was once simple turns into him fully making out with you.

In an effort to sound unaffected in your moans, you speak between the kiss and say, “Someone’s getting a little excited for our date?”

“No, it’s just you”, Hongjoong states, then biting gently on your bottom lip. “You excite me.” He whispers.

A final wet kiss is shared before you slide slowly off his lap, “Save that excitement for after the date mister, because we have to get dressed, like right now.” You state matter-of-factly.

Like a deserted lion, he tracks your every movement with precision as he sits up to gaze at you. “Where are you taking me baby?”

What a great a question…that your absolute do not have the answer to.

“It’s a surprise, angel. Gotta keep you on your toes.” And a little something you need to make up to keep tip-toeing around the truth. “How about- we get ready at our own places? Pick me up at 3?”

With the current time being 12:04 PM, this was a way you can have some time to cool down and collect your thoughts, you haven’t been at your apartment for a little over a week, but it assists as the perfect place to rebound.

“Really? Hongjoong says with a face short of worry. Well, if that’s what you want, I’ll be waiting to see what you have in mind, see you at 3 then?”

“It’s a date!”

* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚*

After gathering your belongings from when you walked in one week ago from your breakdown on that evening, you were out the door of Hongjoong's apartment.

It was vice versa as you being the one leaving him alone in the apartment, and the goodbye was all the same. Kisses, hugs, and words of comfort and affirmations to heal each other while you're apart.

Your car had been moved to the parking garage beside the building, it must’ve been something Hongjoong did. If he hadn’t, it would’ve been in the possession of some towing company, you had parked right in front of the building after all.

As you enter your apartment you look around and linger in the silence, you don’t know what you expected, but you are relieved to see everything in its rightful place.

You remember getting up that Friday morning, stressed about how life was clashing all at once. The events that occurred at work that day were the last way you thought it was going to play out, but now that everything is resolved, It’s something that you can bury in the past, and forgive.

But never forget.

After getting settled you walk to your closet to see all the work clothes lined up that you bought with every paycheck over the past few years.

Never have you bought yourself a nice dress or clubbing clothes, because you’ve never gone anywhere. Sure there’s been work parties, but with a boss like that, showing up in anything with a square inch of skin was the wrong option.

But now that you are a free woman with a wealthy savings account and a possible emotional distress check coming soon, you decide to go on a much-needed shopping spree.

Before you leave the house, you throw all your work clothes in a bag and donate it to a thrift store. A partial attempt to erase bad memories and start anew.

Shopping in public and verbally asking assistance from strangers was definitely something you needed to readjust to, nonetheless, the trip was successful as you got everything you needed and more.

One of the items was a turquoise dress you were thinking about wearing to your date, and another item which was the most embarrassing to retrieve…

A red lingerie set

Red, because in every book you read is known to be sexy, dangerous, and alluring as a distraction, and that was exactly the idea that you want Hongjoong to have later tonight before you tell him the truth.

The best part about it is that the set has hearts. As Hongjoong had always called you my love from the very first day you met.

Luckily the store's owner had been nice enough to make you feel comfortable and simply asked about what your relationship is like to get the best set, and it couldn’t have been any more perfect.

Taking a shower was so reminiscent just like every other space in your house, it had its own special kind of vibe. Except in the shower, you can do anything in here. Get lost in thought, Be happy or sad.

The vibe right now was happiness, sadness, and lost in thought all at once.

You were happy because you finally got an idea of a date planned. First, you were going to take him to the park under the lemon tree on a picnic, and then you were going to go to a hill that was not too far away and watch the view of the sunset.

It wasn’t anything expensive, but it was meaningful.

Just a casual open space where you both can talk freely, and enjoy one another’s company without the wary of wandering eyes or people listening in.

Sure, the lemon tree was going to be a constant reminder of what you have yet to say, but it might just do you good, because it’s what you need to do after all.

Your phone buzzes on your sink counter top and lets out a loud ‘ding’.

It was about time that you had gotten out anyway, you’re getting a little too deep into your thoughts.

As you grab the towel from the side to shower you walk to your phone to see who could be. You hoped it wasn’t another fake person asking about the news, you had enough hearing from them and that for today, there was already so much weighing on your mind.

Hongjoong: What color are you going to be wearing?

Well…if you were thinking innocently, you would say turquoise, sinisterly, you’d say red. You were thinking more of one way over the other however, you sent the opposite.

You: Turquoise, is there a specific color you want me to wear?

You wouldn’t mind at all him being choosy being the fashionista that he is, however, you really like this dress and how it fits you, it was perfect for the occasion.

Hongjoong: No I wanted to match with you, like a couple thing yk? ^ ^

Never have you used labels and your relationship. ‘Couple’ is necessarily just a relationship term. It can be used for a couple of days or a couple of dollars. However, it was definitely used as a relationship term in this case.

You: oh sure, that would be cute.

That would be amazing. To be able to walk out in public showcase to everyone that you were together would be absolutely amazing.

There’s also something you would love for Hongjoong to do in regards to fashion, and it’s been on your mind since you woke up this morning.

You: this might be odd but, could you put on those glasses you used to wear?

Three dots appear in a light grey, then disappear again as a new message is sent.

Hongjoong: interesting…do they turn you on?

…

As soon as you read the message it out of the bathroom in no time giggling like a maniac to sit on the edge of your bed. However, when you send the message, you pretend you are unaffected and don't respond as timidly as he probably expects.

You: if I say yes, will you wear them angel?

Another ding indicate his Immediate response.

Hongjoong: I’ll consider it.

He’s definitely going to do it, he just wants to see the word,

You: Yes.

The lingerie you bought lays beside you. It's going to be difficult to pretend to be all vibrant and giddy when you were the complete opposite underneath. Especially after seeing that message.

It’s 1:57 PM, and you finally gathered the courage to put on the lingerie.

The mirror reveals something you have been deprived of seeing from your body since birth. You were a walking ball of hot fire and desire.

Your body is beautifully decorated by lace trim, and the bra highlights your boobs peeking out from the slits with bow detailing on the straps. In addition, a small lace garter at your waist is adorned with two hearts on both sides, draping over your panties with thin straps that expose your thighs upholding the rhombus lace patch that is attached with a bowtie on top, barely covering what’s underneath.

You turn from all angles memorized by your own body, and you are sure Hongjoong should be satisfied. Your favorite part of all was another trimmed heart that rests above your ass causing you to giggle to yourself in excitement.

It’s 2:33 PM and you put the elegant turquoise dress over your sexy red, and you are mesmerized by how you look straight out of a fairytale.

A ding from your phone takes you out of neverland; and you strut over to your phone feeling like an entirely different person.

Hongjoong: leaving now to yours darling, I cannot wait to see you ( ˘ ³˘) <3

You: Drive safe. I can’t wait to see you too.

‘can’t wait’ was not an understatement.

But as soon as 2:57 PM hit. a rhythmic knock was heard at your door.

You double-check the time and bolt to the door with a bag with all the goodies for your picnic, while your other hand bunches up the sides of your dress as you open the door, welcomely met by an oh-so-precious face.

“He-.” Hongjoong pauses, eyes wandering up, down, and all around your body. “How lucky am I to be able to spend the day with you?” You blush as he continues to say, “Wait baby, can you spin for me?”

Made easy by the sandals you were wearing with your dress, you spin fluidly onto the floor meeting Hongjoong's face once again. “You like?”

His eyes blink rapidly as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing flicking from your face and back onto the dress. “I love, you look like a princess darling.”

The well-respected gentleman in front of you was wearing a short-sleeved white knitted collared button-up with brown accented line detailing, paired with dark blue jeans. He even made time to get a new haircut, a fringed chestnut look. But most of all, he did in fact wear those iconic black glasses you asked of him. Although you aren’t sure where you match.

“You look stunning and fashionable as always handsome, but I thought you wanted to match?”

He lifts up his right hand and wiggles his fingers. “I did, look here.” He quickly points to a finger with his other hand.

As you glance closely you see on his ring finger nail gorgeous turquoise paint.

“Ah, so that’s what you meant? You giggle in surprise, grabbing onto it to examine it clearly. “It’s a really pretty color though.”

“It is, and all for my very pretty lady. He then extends his other hand in front of you wiggling his fingers in the same motion. “Are you ready baby?”

You grand onto the wiggling hand and shut the door behind you. “That I am sir.”

“What’s with the bag?” He asks as he looks at your other hand.

“It’s a surprise honeybun.” You whisper closer to his ear. Let’s get going.”

…

When you enter his car, you tell him the directions of a reroute to the park he took you to without making it obvious.

During the drive, there was a lot of joking around flirting, and excessive touching. You were having so much fun in the heat of the moment you nearly forgot how you had to boil it down to the truth at the end of the night.

Hongjoong pulls into a parking space with shades of nature through his windshield and that special lemon tree. “The park?” He looks at your bag in the backseat and turns to smile at you. “Are we having a picnic?”

“Mhmm.” You confirm. “But not just any picnic, I brought some crafts for us to do!”

Hongjoong hovers his hands over his mouth and chuckles at your excitement “You're so cute, I love it, I love my surprise.”

“I’m glad.” You replied. “I just wanted to do something easy with you, it’s been so hard for us you know?”

He nods and strokes the side of your head as you both share a look of empathy, most likely thinking about how hectic the past week has been.

After that intimate moment dies down you make it out of the car you grab your bag out of the backseat, pulling out the materials to set up your picnic with Hongjoong budging in trying to be of assistance.

Once you have laid out the food, drinks, and arts and crafts, you settle upon the quilt on the grass.

“So what did you want us to paint?” Hongjoong asks with a canvas and brush ready in hand.

It was like your first date at the paint and sip in reverse, you remember asking Hongjoong what you both should paint, and you had an idea very similar to what he had said.

We’ve been getting to know each other a bit more, and we’ve also been through a lot more, so maybe…we could do another painting of how we see each other now?”

Hongjoong cocks his head and starts running with the paintbrush. “Do you see me differently now than when we first met?”

You should be asking him that.

“Yes and no.” You say, moving your body playfully side to side. “You’re still my sweet boy, if anything, I think more highly of you every day.” Now in genuine curiosity, you ask, “How about me, am I any different?”

You watch as he begins to look elsewhere to think carefully about his response, and it would’ve worried you a second longer until he looks back at you and says, “I’m proud of you my love, always. You're still my bashful beautiful girl, and you’ve grown so much, baby.” He moves his fingers need nail painted hands over yours. If anything, you’re becoming different every day, but in a good way.”

Externally that is what you’ve enabled him to see, however, you have worried about the same thing every day since you met. To cover up your thoughts you throw his hand playfully and shout, “Get to painting, cornball!”

While you began painting there were shenanigans occurring between the two of you. Sneaking glances at the progress of one another’s paintings, laughing out of nowhere during moments of silence with only nature backing sound around you, getting one another food, or stealing quick kisses just because.

The both of you were finished and ready to display your art with one another.

“Okay, we flip on three.” Hongjoong declares.

“One.” You start.

“Two” He continues.

“Three!” You both shout.

The both of you take the time to appreciate the detail and one another’s painting letting out a simultaneous, “Wow.” Followed by a fit of laughter.

While lifting the palm of your hand up you gesture toward Hongjoong's painting. “You should go first.”

On his canvas was an image of something simple, a sunflower in front of a backsplash of a cloudy blue sky.

“In reference to what I said earlier”, he starts, “you’ve grown so much, baby. My adorable little seed has finally become a sunflower. You pout at how sentimental his beautiful words are as he continues to say, “Sunflowers uniquely symbolize unwavering faith and never-ending alignment towards the light.”

You would suppose he’s trying to represent your trust in him and yourself through this past week's process and how it has brought enlightenment into your lives making you both stronger and happier.

“That’s wonderful angel, thank you.”

He nods his head she gestures to your painting for you to present.

It was a blended swirl of black-gray with a glowing light of orange and yellow hues in the middle.

“Mines is a bit dark I feel…it’s the light at the end of a tunnel, because when there’s you, there’s always hope.” You pause before adding, “These past couple of months have been the liveliest times of my life, and I’m so lucky to be with you.”

Hongjoong places his canvas down and gets onto his knees. “I feel the exact same way. You know what baby? That reminds me. He moves one hand to his backside and lifts up one knee. “Can you stand up for me please?”

You put your canvas form onto the quilt and quizzically make your way up to stand in front of him while fixing the material of your dress.

“Joongie…what are you doing?”

He looks up at you with adoring eyes. “I think my new name for you is not sunflower, I love it when you’re so radiant and happy. I promise to do my best to make sure you stay that way as we grow together. So now I will ask.”

He pulls out a small box from his backside, and you throw your hand over your mouth in shock.

He opened it to reveal a ring with a shiny golden sunflower and a yellow crystal carved like a diamond in its middle. Hongjoong finishes off his sentiment by saying,

“Will you be mine, my girlfriend, the sunflower to my sunshine?”

You have never used labels in your relationship but, your girlfriend is your newly given label.

“Infinity times yes. You speak with determination. I will be yours, the sunflower to your sunshine, your girlfriend, with you as my boyfriend.”

Hongjoong grins as he slides the jewel onto your ring finger on your right hand.

“Then with this is the promise and responsibility to keep you happy to the best of my ability, as your boyfriend.”

You stare at the jewelry as it sparkles in the sun, it reminds you of your lovers eyes, and you will forever look at it as a reminder that he always still watch over you.

As you twist the ring onto your finger your notice the engraved words inside writing ‘you are my sunshine’

Tears began to peak at your eyes and you happily let them escape. “It’s so gorgeous, I can’t believe my eyes.”

Hongjoong rises from the ground and places his hand on your hips. “Two beautiful sunflowers, I can’t believe my eyes either.”

You wrap both arms around his shoulders and hug him closely as you sway with the wind.

He pulls back a little to kiss the shell of your ear and whispers, “I love you, together forever.”

“I love you too cornball. Together forever.” You whisper back.

After a few minutes of you crying and his whispering more poetic words, you both pull away.

You wrote away the remainder of the tears on your face and playfully pouted, “Hey this isn’t fair. You sniffle. It’s supposed to be my date for you.”

“Oh really? Hongjoong questions, and you nod in response. “You know what else isn’t fair. You calling me a cornball when I’m trying to declare my love for you!”

The next thing you know Hongjoong is crouching and bunching the material of your dress to lift you over his shoulder.

“Joongie!”

He says nothing as he dons you around laughing menacingly.

Even though you were getting incredibly dizzy, you also felt the sparks fly, like a Disney princess in love with what she hoped somewhere in the future would soon become her prince.

…

It was closer to evening and the both of you watched the spot where you had your picnic on the edge.

Ever since you’ve gotten that ring onto your finger you’ve been twirling, touching, and watching it sparkle. It was still unbelievable that not even 2 months ago you were strangers and now you’re his girlfriend.

Hongjoong watches as you play with the ring deep in thought, and interlace your hands with his to bring you back into the moment.

“What’s on your mind?” He asks.

You look at the connection of your hands beside shifting your shoulders. “We’ve been through a lot together already, you know with his huge obstacle that was in our way, and there’s probably gonna be so much more like that, and I don’t know if I’m ready for it.”

You feel a nudge on your shoulder and turn to Hongjoong staring at you with the prettiest smile, and warm glowing skin.

“If we can get through that together, we can get through anything. He points to your ring. “I gave you this, to attest to that. And later in the future, I’ll give you a prettier one. I’m a man of my word.”

As in marriage? Will you even make it that far? Will the truth allow it?

“I know. You commentate. I trust you always.”

Hongjoong uses his other hand to point at the view in the sky. “Look out there. What do you see?”

You look at the warm color gradient with small bits of white, and a golden sun glowing far in the background.

“A sunset.” You simply reply.

Hongjoong giggles before replying, “My parents used to tell me growing up, that a sunset represents a day's worth of hard work or a beginning cycle of something new or the end of a harsh journey.”

He rubs his thumb against your intertwined hands. “Today, we’ve experienced both, an ending of a journey with a battle between light and dark, us being the light and prevailing in victory, and a new journey with you officially as my girlfriend, to be mine forever more, and guard you with my heart.”

Although you are considerably taking his words to heart, there’s something you are very curious about. “Say, why did it take you so long to ask?”

Hongjoong giggles and looks off somewhere in the distance like a child caught in a lie before replying, “I might’ve thought you already were, but a friend of mine made it clear that it wasn’t the case.”

“Seongwha?” You lean back and question. A sly smile gives you an affirmative answer. “You jerk! You never asked, how was I supposed to know?”

Hongjoong pulls you close and turns to you so that your face is barely inches apart. “The first time I laid eyes on you, that’s when, you were mine, my love.”

A tickle climbs to your spine and a heat warms your cheeks, yet you push him on his firm chest to keep him from noticing as you hide your face.

“Cornball!”

…

When you get back to his apartment later that evening you both are quick to put things up and go straight to the bedroom.

Hongjoong had nearly slammed the door to grab your face into a feverish kiss. Ever since your makeout session on the couch this morning you both have been incredibly horny.

Especially Hongjoong.

In seconds, your dress, and his shirt and pants, were left wrinkled onto his bedroom floor.

It was now revealed to Hongjoong what you had underneath and needless to say, he fell right in love all over again.

“Oh baby, I need you now. Please.”

Never have you heard Hongjoong sound so desperate, but you’d be damn to let such a wonderful opportunity fly by.

You break the kiss with a loud smack sound and push him onto the bed. Tonight you wanted to take the initiative, and even being as shocked as he is, Hongjoong had no issue with it.

“What’s this? Is my tough and protective boyfriend sub-spacing?”

He’s unfazed by tie teasing as he rolls his eyes to the back of his head. “I don’t care if I sound desperate baby. He sits up grabbing you by the flesh on your thighs. “I’ve been waiting to have you by myself all day, and seeing you like this now makes me more needier than I already am.”

The large tent on his boxers made his "neediness" readily apparent, whereas yours was concealed between your legs and would soon drip down from the throbbing ache to be noticed.

You’ve placed the palm of your hand on his chest to push him back down onto the bed as you move on to join him.“You know what?” You whisper. “For tonight, I want you to call me…Mistress.

Hongjoong's breath hitches as he looks into the foreign sense of authority in your eyes. His Apple bottoms bob and weaves as his throat grows dry before saying the words,

“Okay…Yes, Mistress.”

Your nearly join him into sub space listening to him so weak and comply to your demands, it’s almost addictive.

“Very good, angel”, you lean down and whisper into his ear. “Maybe you deserve to cum after your lovely ‘ment today at the park hmm?”

He nods so fast his head might fall off, but you weren’t accepting that for an answer, and if it were him, he wouldn't either.

“What was that? I don’t think I can hear you?”

In an effort to be as petty as possible, you align your crotch with his giving him a small hump as you slowly grind your hips downward.

“Aughhh, mmm, yyyes, please let me cum mistress, I’ve been good to you today, please.”

“Okay, I’ll give you what you need my sweet boy.”

You continue the action of rubbing your panty-covered pussy onto the length of his girthy cock, gradually pooling your wetness onto him.

It was the closest the two of you have gotten to sex lately, and it felt so thrilling every single time.

“Faster mistress, please.”

You go faster in compliance with his request, but you still had to upkeep your role.

“I’ve barely even started, and you're already begging for more angel. Don’t you know that patience is a virtue?”

As if he hasn’t heard what you said at all, he doesn’t make eye contact. At first, you think he’s ignoring you, but as you follow the direction of his sight… the pinpoint darted directly to your chest.

“Can I….can I mark you mistress?”

Marking:

As you recall from your readings, it's a way for a character to claim one another as their own using multiple methods like biting, hickeys, scratch marks, etc. And from the dazzling ring on your finger, you can actually qualify Hongjoong as yours, and you as

“All yours, I’m all yours honey. Go right ahead, mark me.

No later after you grant him permission, he places his mouth atop your boobs between the slits in your bra top, and you come to a complete stop in your grinding.

You give in to the new feeling of ‘marking’, but Hongjoong slaps you on the ass to get you back in motion, and his action is effective, as it gets you back moving again, but it also caused you to nudge to his tip, backfiring in him so greatly.

A loud moan escapes from his lips along with a heavy breath cooling the wet spot he left behind from his sucking and licking.

You take note of the effect and begin to move even faster as you swirl your hips on his head, soaking your wetness completely through the material, and causing him to jerk his hips.

“See, when you misbehave, it all comes back to punish you. You say in a direct tone. “It’s like karma, specifically for lovemaking.”

Having had enough, Hongjoong grunts and pulls down the cups of your bra, and latches his wet lips onto a nipple as he sucks harshly, hoping to heighten your pleasure as you're doing to him.

“Ahh, joongie. Oh, fuck!”

The white-haired man grins and releases the nipple, blowing on it and watching it harden all over again, just for him to put it right back in his mouth.

Another slap to your ass urges you on to move even faster, nearly climaxing as his head nudges perfectly against your clit through your panties with each thrust.

Hongjoongs mumbling on your nipples sending vibrations throughout the nub and stimulating you even farther.

It won’t be long until you cum, and by the way, Hongjoongs sucking harder in an attempt to cover his cries, it won’t be long for him either.

In order to catch his breath he releases from your nipple once again, mumbling nonsense as he tries to talk to you,

“I, nyyaaa, I think I’m gonna-fuck. I think I’m gonna cum Mistress!”

You can feel it. In the way his stomach tightens, as he jerks his hips more than before, by the way he’s whining so frequently you know he’s gonna cum, and luckily, you’re not too far behind.

“I know joongie, me too.” You say in an airy breath. “Let’s cum together, yeah?”

He nods his head as he meets your thrust, bucking up his hips impossibly further into your pussy, and squeezing onto your ass with a good grip to help you ride him even faster.

It’s not long before both of your movements become irregular, and it’s time to let go.

You finally cum and slow down on your grinding as you feel an even wetter substance soak into the material of your underwear.

The only thing heard in his bedroom on this quiet evening is the wind from your breaths as you come down from your position to lay your head onto his chest.

In between your legs, it’s warm and sticky, but you don’t mind, just a few more minutes won’t hurt just to hear the throbbing heartbeat of your lover as they come down from their high.

“You're not too bad at dominating, if I hadn’t came in my boxers, I would’ve thought your attempt was kind of cute”, Hongjoong says abruptly.

You lift your head to glance at his flushed face and damp messy white hair. With a haircut it looked even hotter, so put together and clean, but messy and dirty all at the same time.

“Never underestimate a virgin, they might just know a lot more than you think.” You boop his nose and lift off his body to make your way into the bathroom outside the door.

You grabbed two small clothes for you both and wiped between your legs with one. When you finish up you catch a glance at yourself in the mirror.

It dawned on you that all isn’t fine and dandy when a tiny voice in your inner conscious whispers, ‘When will it ever be the right time, how long before it’s too long and he finds out on his own?’

“Soon”, you whisper into your reflection. It was like a reminder of who you are and how Hongjoong sees you. For now, you’ll just keep up with that false interpretation of your character in a history of Beck into the bedroom to play your role.

As for the good distraction, You’re met with the perfect imagery of Hongjoong against the bed frame with a blotched white stain on his boxers as his muscles flex with every still heaving breath.

“You alright? Need some water maybe?”

He shakes his head no and makes a grabby hand for the towel which you hand to him promptly.

Unexpectedly, he then gets up to take off his boxers completely and clean the soften length right in front of your very eyes.

He then finishes by tossing the boxers and cloth into his dirty clothes bin and turns around to get another pair from his drawer before revealing his perfect-perky ass in your face, and the rushed sequence of his every movement leaves you rendered speechless.

When he turns around, he notices your highly stiff posture.

“Everything okay? You look like how you did when you’d seen my body for the very first time.”

Aha. In other words, he knew what he was doing that time when he came out from the shower with that towel low on his hips, leaving your overactive imagination to run wild.

“I’m just fine, you cornball.” You walk closely up to him and rub your hands over his well-defined body to tease him with your next line. “Don’t act like you weren’t being all googly eyes when you saw me in this fancy lingerie.”

In a few quick steps, he closes the space between you two for a quick smooch. “Okayyy fair and square, “He whispers lowly, “Can we go to bed now please?”

When hearing the embarrassment in his voice you continue to yank on his chain by further teasing, “I think you’re forgetting something, please mist…” you trail off.

In him knowing exactly what you're indicating he raises a brow making his entire face go into a ‘really’ kind of expression. “I'm kidding!” You say putting your hands up in surrender. “Fine. Let’s go to sleep then…sweet boy~.”

“Y/N!”

…

You sleep through the night just fine with no scary black x’ed faces or a teenager Hongjoong turned all adult, cold, and sad.

However the thought of finally telling your secret to him never left your mind.

He had woken up earlier than you as always and hopped straight into the shower. It wasn’t long before he would come right back out, however, it had taken him a little longer this time around.

Right as you were about to grow worried he comes into the room, all dressed and ready for the day and he looks at you with a half-assed smile. “This is gonna suck to hear, but I just got called in to attend another meeting this morning.”

Fuck.

Why does the universe spoil every given opportunity for you at the most inconvenient timing, you wouldn’t dare fuck up his brain right before going into a business meeting, it’s his future you’d be screwing up.

You dig and put on another fake smile of your own. “You do what you gotta do honey, I’ll just… be here.”

Hongjoong face is saddened as he hears the underlying disappointment laced in your voice. Until suddenly like a cartoon character he springs up like a lightbulb clicked on over his head.

“If it isn’t too much to ask- because I know you’re great with computers and, it might keep you busy while I’m gone.” He pauses before speaking through a pout. “I’ve been getting a lot of hate mail from people ever since the news was released…would you mind taking the time to filter them out for me?”

‘Hate mail for Hongjoong? But why?’

It could only be people associated with Mr. Sexist Mysoginistic Dickwad that could do such a thing. If anything they should feel threatened by you, you are the one who revolves around the start of it all, not him.

The least you could do is help with the disadvantage of harboring an important secret, that could drastically change the trust you have earned in your relationship.

You move off the bed to meet him standing at the doorway. “Of course, angel. With his lingering saddening expression you take his face in your hands. “I’m sorry that you had to see that, you don’t deserve that at all sunshine.”

He waves his whole arm out like it doesn’t mean anything, but you can tell by the dull look in his eyes that he’s hurt and a little distracted.

Especially if he does his blogging and such on there all the time, it can be overwhelming.

“It’s…all good.” He speaks in a low voice. You’re here with me now, safe and sound, and that’s all that matters.” Hongjoong gives you his best game face before placing a few kisses on your lips. “I’m going to head out now…I’m gonna be late.

While removing your hands carefully from his face with a final squeeze he then walks out the open bedroom door. “My laptop is on that desk. He points. “I love you, baby, see you later on.”

“I love you too. See you later.”

A worrying once-over tracks you down from his eyes before he’s completely out the door.

The sound of jangling keys and fabric shuffling has you standing in place, conflicted about him leaving, the hate he’s unjustly receiving, and the truth you have yet to explain.

Another door opens and shuts, and when it’s followed by a click, you know he’s gone.

You imagine how awful it is to hear that once more if it were you were being kicked out from his place, as a possible reaction when it comes down to hearing your starting intentions.

As you look over your shoulder you see the laptop he spoke of on his desktop.

It's been so long since you’ve seen the screen up close from that very first time he was away in the library. You scoff aloud when you reminisce about seeing how it was a rough draft of a beautifully written article, rather than the sexual-ridden words your eyes tricked out to be on the device.

While you open his computer, it’s a unlocked screen of numerous files covering the default image in the background. Each folder have their own names he’s given them, one of many you familiarize with its named ‘Plan SMDT’.

In spite of your horror, you attempt to avoid opening the file as you begin to work on the task he requested.

It was so simple and easy that you got it done in little to no time at all.

All you’d done was type in certain keywords that might have some sort of relation to the news, and report multiple senders, aka ‘the haters’.

If Hongjoong had thought that you would really be finished before he returned, then he really must have not understood what he was doing.

So, for a moment you were just sitting there, watching back to his screen with many files, and even though it may be wrong, it makes you curious as to what’s in them…just to let time pass.

It could all just be blogging drafts, or plans for his future writing establishment.

Nothing to keep top secret.

After nearly an hour of scanning through many files, it was just as you thought, work-related things.

However, there is just one last file you wanted to check for, in which you saved to finish off with purposely because of its name.

‘Illusions of the Lemon Tree’

As you click on the file with nothing in expectancy, oddly, and unlike the other files, it has a password key.

You stare blankly as the cursor blinks in the rectangular box as if it’s waiting for you to make your best guess.

But after trying a bunch load of passwords you give up.

Until you begin to think simpler. The artist on the album of the lemon tree song; ‘AFoolsGarden.’

Suddenly the laptop completely changes in format as it takes you to a webpage and lo and behold:

User @lemontree1117.

Hongjoong… is the face behind the account?

The account in which you read the fan fiction that takes replacement of him when he isn’t around.

@lemontree1117 is Hongjoong,

and Hongjoong is @lemontree1117.

What is even more concerning is that It’s all there in front of you, the already published stories, rough drafts of the next chapter…it’s all on his laptop.

It wasn’t a mind game. You aren’t lacking sleep, you know what you see to be real.

A faith you had in the saying, ‘you won’t believe it unless seen with your own two eyes’ has proven itself to you once again.

In all this time, you strived to be perfect for him for so long.

If anything, you are confused about who he really is.

Using your lives as inspiration, and publicly posting it into a fiction, no wonder it was all too familiar.

Now imagine what you will do when he returns to his apartment as normal, while your mind is wreaking havoc with all sorts of ideas.

With the self-control you struggled to keep composed, you let your body do the thinking instead of your brain, and what your body does is pack all the things you’ve brought over from his apartment and walk out towards his front door.

A painting of your hands enclosing around a white mug with swirls of green and a cream decoration stares at you from across the doorway. Right next to a swirling of black, brown, and yellow.

But all you do is wave as you leave them both behind, because even as they’re creator… you don’t know what they mean.

You don���t know who Hongjoong is to you anymore,

nor yourself,

to ‘him’.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚*

“Hi….”

As you stand on the doorstep with a few heavy bags in hand, you face the two other people you have left in this world.

Like you never left them behind, they joyfully welcome you back in as they’re quick to engulf you in a hug.

“Babycakes!”

“Babydoll!”

“Mom.”

“Dad.”

“I missed you too.”

…

The very next morning, you wake up to delightful smell of breakfast.

Strawberry Nutella French toast, just like you had in all of your childhood, just like you had made for him.

All of you sit at the new dinner table after setting things in place.

Fortunately, after receiving your paycheck from your ex-job, you decided to buy your parents a new house. A service of gratitude for their undying support.

After you dig into the soft, decorated slice of thick bread, you sigh at how the sweet chocolatey flavor smears on your taste buds, and how the sweetened strawberries add a hint of freshness.

“I know it might be a little early but… How are you..really?”

Your mom initiates in conversation, but her question nearly causes you to choke on a piece of bread.

Dad, on the other hand, attentively takes notice of the tensity and nudges your mother under the table.

But you still answer nonetheless.

“I’ve been… managing. But I couldn’t have gone through it all by myself.”

You once again pick up your fork and knife to take another bite of the sweet dish, in order to keep away the bitter feeling of his hidden truth.

“Ah, thats right.” Your dad steps in. That Park Seongwha guy, the public prosecutor?”

“Or no-“, your mom interjects. “Isnt the other one? What is it, Kim-”

“Hongjoong.” You finish in a whispered voice.

An awkward silence joins the three of you at the dinner table as your parents stare at your mad-sad expression when you suddenly avoid eye contact.

“I’m in love with him actually, and we’ve been seeing one another for a few months now.” You abruptly confess.

Slightly curious about their reactions, you look up to see your parent's tense faces turn happy in a flash.

“Awe.” Your mom coos. “Our sweetheart has finally found herself a sweetheart of her own, huh?”

“When can we meet him?” Your dad adds on.

Ha.

“Yeah well…I don’t think you will. I already lost him as quick as I found him.” You say bitterly, taking yet another bite of your toast, and a huge sip of hot coffee.

“Uhhh.” Your mom drags on, briefly looking to your father for help. “How do you mean?”

Sigh.

Here goes.

“I just found out something unexpected about him, and I’m not sure that I like it. But the weird thing is that I’m also guilty of it myself.”

It was the first time you’ve said it aloud and you were being both honest to your parents and to yourself.

“Well that’s hypocritically odd is it not? Your dad speaks in a humorous tone. “How is it that you are allowed to do it, but when he does the exact same it’s a problem?”

You swallow the leftover food in your mouth and feel your throat become dry. You weren’t expecting that response, but that’s how your father always was, blunt, yet caring enough to teach you right from wrong.

“No, it’s not that, he just”, you pause trying to search for your next words “…never told me about it.”

“Well. Your mother steps in. “Have you ever told him?”

Damn.

“I, uhh…no. You admit for lack of words.

“So, it seems to me that the both of you aren’t being completely honest.” Your dad inclines. “That’s a rough start to everlasting love babydoll. Your mother and I know that very well.”

You know that. Growing up, you watched both of them trying their best not to fight around you, wanting to show you that relationships are continuous moments of agreement and love, however being in one for yourself, has shown you that’s not always the case.

“How can I make things easier? What should I do first?” You ask.

Your mother reaches for your hand near your plate, forcing you to look into her eyes, behind it was a mind of logic. Just like your father, it’s how she’s always been, and that is why they clashed so often.

“Babycakes, don’t you see? The both of you are guilty of the exact same thing, and that should be easier enough in itself.” She gives you a warm smile before continuing. “He sounds like he might be a reasonable man, she’d as your father said, we’d love to meet him someday.”

She smiles wider when she finishes speaking, and that’s when you feel your father's hand grasp onto your empty one.

“But first, you resolve whatever it is you two got going on.” He advises. “It sounds like you both have some issues to code through in order to reboot this relationship on the right programming, computer girl.”

…

As you stand on their doorstep, you receive several excessive wet kisses on the cheek from both sides to the point you have to try and shove them off.

You giggle from the ticklish feel and drop your bags to push them away. “Guys, you have to stop!”

They listen to you and step back off the pavement and back into their house.

"Please, please please, visit us soon, we want to be more involved in your life babycakes, it's hard to be when you always push us away.” Your mom whines.

You nod your head in agreement.

"I promise. From now on I’ll visit more often, it's the least I can do. Thank you for everything, I love you guys.”

You watch as they look at each other with excitement, beaming as they finally get the daughter they’ve been needing back.

“We love you too babydoll, come back soon you hear? Don’t be afraid to bring that man around either.” Your dad jokes.

Oh right, there was still that you had to figure out.

Simply nodding as a response, you then walk to your car and see them wave frantically in the doorway as you drive off, giving them a few playful beeps.

Who would’ve thought your parents would’ve been the solution for it all?

But also why wouldn’t they be? They’ve always tried to always be there for you, and just like you did to him, and him to you.., you’ve kept them in the dark for too long.

However, now it’s time to show him who you really are, because you of all people should know what it's like,

to be kept in the dark.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚*

As you watch the red digital numbers change on the screen of the elevator, it finally approaches the top floor, also known as the sixth floor, to your abandoned loft apartment.

Tomorrow, you were gonna come up with a plan to truly speak with him, and tell him all that you know, but only for today, you just wanted to relax.

However, as you walk down further down the familiar hallway, the world doesn’t stop and wait for you to be ready, because there he is,

Kim-Hong-Joong.

With easily recognizable white hair that’s unstyled, and naturally came into a side part. A black and gray short sleeve button-up with some optical deluded fancy pattern, plain black slacks, and dress shoes to match.

Casual and classy. As always.

“I've been here since yesterday, waiting for you. He softly speaks. Can we please talk inside?”

…

You struggle to place the bags you’ve brought from your parents onto the ground as Hongjoong stands awkwardly in a corner.

He tried to take on the job for you, but you were quick to move and respectfully declined.

After a few minutes, you managed to place them down and readjust yourself. But you were trying to prove a point that you could do just fine without him, and you were letting your emotions control you instead of listening to your parent's advice.

Hongjoong then takes the chance to walk closer, about halfway into the distance that you were apart. He pauses before opening his mouth to say what he has been wanting to do since he found his apartment empty yesterday.

“I know…that you know.” He starts.

He knows?

…Of course he does.

“It’s obvious, now that I think about it. Lemontree1117?”, he scoffs.

A quick shiver runs down your spine just to hear the familiar words fall from his mouth, except now that’s it actually coming from him, it sounded like a different language.

“It was all me. The librarian is how I thought of you, and what you know as Christopher, was a representation of me.

This entire time I've built this wall around who I truly am. Ever since I first saw you, wandering off into the fantasy and romance section, leaving in and out so quickly, it made me interested.

In the books you were reading…and then you.”

After this part of his explanation, he steps forward once more, but you take even more steps back.

With a face of regret, he then nods his head unsteadily in understanding, yet he still has the courage to continue.

“When we first started dating, Every layer of fear I tried to remove from you was like flipping the pages of those books, I wanted to see more of you until the very end. That happy end in every fantasy.

But then you actually became my friend, to my girlfriend, and now I have hopes to have you till death do us part.”

‘I had hoped so too.’ You think.

He continues, “I knew the end would come soon because eventually you would find out about my writings…the ones I hadn’t shown you.

On that day, before you came up to talk to me in the library, I had begun writing that story, but it was too vulgar and rushed in, I wanted to take my time with it, and you gave me the perfect inspiration for how it should be.”

So your eyes weren’t playing mind games. What a relief…but the look at how crazy things turned out to be.

“I hadn’t known that you were that girl at the party, but it didn’t change the way I saw you.

If anything, it made me more attracted to you, to give you all you desire simply because you deserve it, and I ended up falling in love before I could catch myself.

“Every word that I spoke to you was real. Every my love, which I had never called anyone else. Every darling, baby, my adorable seed, my sunflower.

I don't deserve acceptance or an apology, but you deserve to hear those words and so much more. I wish nothing but the best of luck to you, and someone real enough to make your fantasies come to life, the right way.”

After his lengthy confession, you stare at each other for a few minutes like you're both in a contest of ‘who will break first’, and you are aiming to come out on top.

However, when he forfeits and turns to decidedly leave for the door, you make the hard decision to put the tough girl act down and be the real y/n you have always been afraid to be.

He grasps onto the doorknob, ready to make his leave, but right before he turns it you clear your throat and speak loudly with a newly mocked sense of bravery.

“I’m not the girl you fell in love with either.”

The muscle tension that exists in Hongjoong's body increases as he straightens up and slowly turns to face you again, causing you to avert your gaze to the floor in shame, as a salty tear falls down on your cheek.

“I’ve changed so much since high school Hongjoong, so fucking much.

From the night you saved me, I’ve known what it's like to be kept in the dark for so long, and it's not fair for me to do the same to you.”

‘How long do you plan on hiding until you show me who you really are?’ Dream him voices in your head.

“Not long.” You say aloud.

“So here's me coming into the light for you Kim Hongjoong…I’m y/n, a 25-year-old perverted virgin who reads erotic sexual romantic fiction because I’d rather get off by the help of the impurity of fictional writing ungraceful words, instead of choosing the wrong man to poison the purity of my “unclaimed” virginity.

I’ve masturbated to the thought of you after the first time we met, and it wasn't the last time.

Every book or site of fiction I read was in thought of you, including Lucid Dreams, and how I so badly wanted you to do all those pleasurable things to me. It got so bad to the point that I saw you in my literal dreams.”

You harshly wipe the tears from your face while taking in a soothing deep breath, nearly starting the habit of pinching your thighs out of nervousness.

“When we first spoke in the library, I didn't talk to you in the interest of asking about your job as a journalist, no, I couldn't have cared any less.

I thought you were writing fanfiction, which I know now to be true.” At this, he bows his head in shame and shuffles from his hips and feet.

“So, when you told me you were glad someone finally spoke to you about the thing you were most passionate about, I felt like an asshole.

In fact, this entire time I've been with you, I’ve been bashing myself for being a pervert and lying to you which is strictly just downright awful!

But me and you…were different sides of the same coin.”

In a swift motion, you grip the ring from your right hand and pull it off your finger to leave it on your living room table, speaking once again while looking into his sorry eyes.

“You can take the ring, and everything it symbolizes, to leave what you thought was your pure sunflower, in the dirt.”

In your last bunch of words, you quieted down as you were gradually beginning to break down.

“You deserve to shine like the diamond you are, with someone you love, someone real. It was a pleasure knowing you, and damn sure a pleasure to have you, as my first love.”

The eerie silence and bypassing cars sound as you see him stand there with a gloomy frown on his face, and you can’t bear to withstand it any longer.

You immediately turn down the hall to sob in your bedroom in peace, that was, until you feel a strong hand grab the inside of your arm, spinning you around and pulling you straight down onto your living room couch.

“No, I don’t want that. Hongjoong restates. “I’ve gained too much happiness from being with you just to lose it all so easily. Your worth more than that.”

In hearing this, you look down at the floor to prevent him from seeing the tear that slips to your chin as a result of his kind-heartedness.

“I know this is a lot to ask…”, he whispers. But could you look at me, please? I need to see you.”

Upon his polite request, you hesitantly look up at him with teary eyes. As you blink away the blurbs, you see the same lines of wetness on his face too.

It’s an image you’ve never seen before and you wonder if it's your eyes playing tricks again, but it’s real, he’s real, and his feelings, are real.

"Listen.” He begins in a quiet tone. “To me, you are far more than just a work of fiction, and it has been so mesmerizing to watch how strong you have become in these past few months, I am glad that I have been able to make your life easier in the areas in which I was present."

Please don’t ever feel bad about that beautiful brain of yours. Your sensitivity and sexual desires as a normal human being, all evolved from the pain, it was your cure for the illness, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that...”

Hongjoong looks down as another tear of his falls. He takes a deep breath and slowly rolls his neck from side to side as if to warm up the next words that would breathe from his mouth.

“To me, you are what’s real, and you have allowed me to know what love truly is…so, just-imagine this.” He closes his eyes, and you follow suit in curiosity of what he’s trying to put into imagery.

“You wake up on a peaceful morning with your lover, and out of the blue you get told off that you’ll never get anywhere as a writer because ‘no one wants to read disgustingly perverted stories, and you’re not normal.’

The argument grows loud. and they start grabbing your things to kick you out of your shared apartment.

Not even a week later, you go back to make amends because you love them, just to catch them in bed with a married coworker you considered a dear friend. The end.”

Your face is scrunched up in a disturbing manner as you quickly open your eyes to regain your clarity, but you realize that when you look into his eyes, it’s not imagination, but his true life story that is being told.

He gives you a pathetic smile before continuing, “I like writing about the guides for a better world, and it’s impact, it’s for the people in it.

But why is it so wrong to do that something for myself when I want to?

It’s something I asked myself since she broke up with me, but then I met you, and you made my world a whole lot different.

I started writing for myself again, then for us, and then about us. But I realized where all went wrong, and I got overly obsessed, so here we are now.”

You look back down when he brings forth the reality of your situation, but as you see him move closer, you look up to see him smiling at you as he opens his mouth to say,

“And so who says that what we do to make ourselves feel good deems us as perverts huh? We just have…dirty minds and- sexy imaginations~.”

The mood immediately changes at the unexpected outcome of his s and you both simultaneously fall into a fit of laughter, holding onto each other's bodies accidentally out of habit.

‘I’m in love.’ You think. ‘I’ve found my twin flame, my missing piece, and it pained me to be far away.’ But now that he’s here again, I’m healed.

‘Everything is in the open, and I’m ready to settle down, to give him my all and more, just as he’s done for me, for the rest of our perverted lives.’

I’m ready

“Well then…” you say getting a final giggle out. “Let’s just say fuck everyone, and put our sexy imaginations together to make it all real.”

You move your hands over his thighs. “I’m ready to do it with you now joongie. I want to take that next big step.”

At your revelation, he's up and on his feet. Strictly because he was questioning if he had heard correctly, in accordance to not, ‘rush in and be vulgar’.

“You mean like…?” he trails off.

Rolling your eyes in pained annoyance, you get up from the couch to stand up close in front of him, placing your arms around his neck, and over his shoulders.

“Are you really gonna make me say it, angel?” You properly placed emphasis on the word ‘angel’, just to tease his storytelling a bit, and it does the trick as his cheeks turn scarlet red. “I want to make your story real with Hongjoong, I need you, the way the librarian needs her journalist.”

He’s quick to shake his head and remove your arms, and you resist the urge to slap him in instinct, that was until you hear him say, "No, throw that out the window.” A physical connection is reformed when he takes your hand into his more delicate ones.

“Let's make a story of our own…non-fiction, what we have right here, whats real.” He then rubs his forehead gently in connection with yours as he whispers, “Are you sure you wanna do this baby?”

While smiling widely you wittily reply, “Lose my virginity to a man I’m in love with, and it’s literally the equivalent to the walking version of my fantasies?”

You kiss those soft pretty pink lips you missed incredibly so, “Yes, please~.”

Instantly, he springs out and retorts, “Well in that case…”

He reaches down to retrieve your gifted sunflower jewel from the table and repositions it on your right hand's ring finger.

Soft chuckles overtake the quietness, and even more so laughter, when Hongjoong suddenly picks you up from your behind, leading you two into your bedroom after many talks of redirection.

You had almost forgotten he’d never been here before, and it’s all thanks to that foolish secret.

As you’ve finally made it to the right room, he places you down on your feet in front of the bed, taking your ring-clad hand to his lips with a chaste kiss.

“As the writer of our fantasy, it is my desire to give you the pleasure you could only dream of.”

He grabs you by the waist and whispers seductively into your ear, “Allow me to show you what I have in mind.”

Like a fragile piece of glass, Hongjoong lays you back into the plush mattress carefully and moves onto the bed in the air above you in avoidance of projecting his weight.

“Angel, it’s okay. You speak. “Trust that you can love on me without hurting me.”

“I can take it”, you boldly add on.

The white-haired man's eyes become three shades darker as he moves confidently down onto your body, lightly brushing his hips against yours while placing his head next to your ear.

“As I said the first time I had the blessing of seeing your beautiful body, I am going to bring out that inner part of you that has never been seen before.”

He continues speaking in a sensual hushed voice while planting kisses onto your neck. “Something that will lift you up from your roots that you cannot restore to the ground.”

In his next words the dangerousness in his voice becomes unrecognizable. “Do you understand?”

Understood. Virginity is something you can't take back, it’s science, but to you, it’s a sacred undiscovered treasure.

Hongjoong has earned the prize, and you are undoubtedly sure. You are far more than ready and willing to make him the first, for now, and forever.

"Take out my roots sunshine. You whisper back. “I want to feel you deeper, much deeper."

No more secrets

"Are you ready then my flower?"

No more lies

“So ready.”

Just you his sunflower, and him your sunshine.

And to show him how ready you are exactly, you grab him through his slacks and rub his cock through his pants so diligently.

He then reaches his hands down to rub directly on your clitoris in reciprocation, and you both gasp, moan, and groan while making note of what makes the other tick.

“Hnnn. All your-Hnnn, dirty thoughts will come to life under my care, baby.”

Hongjoong uses his free hand to pull off your shirt causing you to have to stop in your movements. But he still continues to use one hand to rub on your pussy without pause.

After your shirt is taken off, every mark left on your chest from your last heated session becomes visible, and by the hungry expression on your lover's face, he seems to be very pleased and wanting.

“You can mark me again if you want to, right now, and whenever you so please.”

With your given discretion he takes the opportunity to free your breast from your bra, diving straight in to take a hard nub into his mouth.

While he’s occupied sucking onto your skin, you give the both of you the relief of taking off your pants, leaving one less layer to divide between you two.

A pop is sounded throughout your bedroom as Hongjoong pulls from your chest where a red mark is implanted.

“I will take my time with you my sweet.” He sits up to unbutton his top. “You deserve to be pleasured to the fullest extent, but not today baby, I don’t wanna risk hurting you.” He then takes it off completely. “I promised, for no one to hurt you.” His hands touch the hem of his boxers. “I wanna make love to you.” And he pulls them clean off.

A loud smack is heard as his member makes contact with his hard stomach, and the line of his body is unbelievably perfect. You’re sure if he was to ever walk out like that in public, no one would convict him of public indecency, he was so much more than just ‘decent’.

“The safe word is lemons, shout it out loud when you want to stop.”

His body folds over and breathes over you like an animal preparing to feast on fresh meat. “I’m going to start, but I just need you to stretch you out a little bit. You nearly crush my tongue every time I eat you out.”

Your panties are pulled aside as you feel a few digits sliding up and down through your folds to collect the overflow of liquids, and before you can even prepare, two thick fingers submerged deep into your pussy.

“Fuck! Aughhh. “Right there joongie.”

Like never before he’s hit the deepest depths inside of you, somewhere he was too hesitant to go before.

His fingers began to pump right over the spot where his fingers stopped. “Does that feel good, darling?”

You jerk up from his movements to move away out of sensitivity, but it only makes the tips of his fingers rub against that sweet spot even harder.

“Oh it does?” He quips. Got it.”

Without warning his fingers began to jerk up and down through your cunt at a ridiculously fast pace, causing you to close your legs in the process, but Hongjoong opens them right back up.

“Wait, wait, wait. Fuck! It’s too much but it- it feels so fucking- nyaaaa” You cut off with a crying moan.

Your pleasure is so sky-high you can’t even finish your sentence, and your eyes roll back to your skull, while your back arches like a cat in heat.

“Shit. Hongjoong whispers. “You're swallowing my fingers, baby. I can't wait to see how you’ll take my cock.”

A moan escape from your mouth from his dirty words, and he continues to do it just to get you to cum as fast as possible, his dick couldn’t get any harder by the lustful view of you.

“Your taking me so well darling, you are a such a good girl. My good girl.”

“Yes, I’m your good girl. You cry. I love your fingers s-so much angel, I can’t imagine what your beautiful girthy cock feels like inside me!”

A sharp smack wats on your ass when you jerk up again, causing a long and stretched-out moan to erect from the deep depths of your body.

“There’s no need to imagine anymore baby, cum for me and I’ll teach you exactly how it feels. Another smack across your ass. “Cum like the good girl that you are.”

You began moving your hips in harmony with the pump of his fingers, and it was helping you to your orgasm as you felt your stomach grow tight, but there was something that was missing that could possibly help to loosen you up.

“Joongie…my vibrator, it’s under the bed.” You stutter, struggling to curve your body, looking down at him working uncontrollably on your lower half.

His eyes meet yours, skeptical and slightly confused about what it was implying. “What do you need baby?”

Just like the nickname, your face turns into a younger child’s pout, you are desperate and needy. Way too damn needy.

“Joongie please, I’m so close”, you whimper sheepishly. “My vibrator, it’ll help me cum…I just wanna be a good girl for you and cum, please?”

He leaves his fingers inside and pauses his fast jerking as he looks underneath your bed frame to spot the vibrator box by grabbing it with his free hand.

“Hurry please!”, you cry.

Hongjoong finally managed to grab the pink toy and turns it on immediately, placing it directly on your clit, as he resumes the jerking of his double digits.

With the stimulation of his fingers inside you and the quaking vibrations of your vibrate, you were close to cumming in no time.

“Oh my f-fuck, yes!” You shout, feeling your abdomen squeeze and flex as it works out you’re upcoming outburst. “Shit, joongie. I’m fucking cumming, your good girl is cumming for you!”

Your legs shake uncontrollably after you come down from your high, and Hongjoong pulls out his fingers and turns off the toy then tossing it farther on the bed from you two, as he moves up the bed quickly to console you.

“Okay I will admit, that was…hotter than expected.” He chuckles painfully, the reasoning made obvious by his sword's red tip. “You did so well my love…how are you holding up for me?”

Embarrassingly so, you shudder underneath him like you’ve been shocked by lightning in a storm. The bolts, being Hongjoongs two fingers, with the clash of thunder, being the buzzes of your vibrator.

“S-so damn good”, you stutter. “If sex f-feels better than that, I wanna experience it with you as soon as possible.”

While his heart swells with pride upon hearing that he is doing all the right things, it is the best part that scares him just for it all to go wrong.

“Me too baby.” He whispers.

A hand lies open beside your head as he leans down to engage your lips in a messy kiss of overlapping tongues.

In a distinct way , his other hand slips down and trickles down to your hips, stopping abruptly at the hem of your underwear. “Would you mind if I removed these for you now?"

You’re so sure he’s the one.

“I’d be more than happy if you did.” You say.

Three taps on your hips let you know to lift your weak legs up in the air for him to slip the material down to your ankles and onto the floor.

With his hand placed under your thigh, he lets you back down gently, and maneuvers back upward to align your hips with the other once again, then intertwining your hands in a firm hold.

“I just want to let you know, before we begin, I will always love you, and I won’t be upset if you back out at any time. Thank you for giving me the honor, of being your very first.”

Hongjoong leans down to capture your lips in a cleaner, more passionate kiss.

As he continues to make out with you, his hips pull back slowly, then pull forward in the same motion as his cockhead aligns where you want him most, straight into your hole, like it knew exactly where to go.

At first, the breach of him felt like an uncomfortably sharp pain, that caused you to squeak into his mouth, and as his length plunged in deeper, stuffing you full, you began to understand exactly why he wanted to prepare you first.

He comes to a stop when he’s only halfway through, removing his lips from yours to look at the front of you’re face in wonder at why you weren’t verbally responding.

As you maintain eye contact with his worrying eyes, you curl your ring clad hand to encase his masculine cheek bone. “It’s okay, angel. You coo. “I can take it.”

In that instant, you bring his head down back into the side of your neck, wrapping your legs around his hips to push him forward gradually until his groin comes into contact with your bare cunt, causing your breath to hitch, and your eyes to roll back into your skull.

Never have you felt anything as profound, it is as if he has entered an entirely new territory within you.

Hongjoong feels just the same as he both groans and mewls. “I think…I think I almost came?” He looks between you two seeing that he is in fact, inside you completely. “Please, be careful my love.”

With a mischievous look, you giggle, “Sorry, honey~.”

Without any discretion, he begins to slide in and out of you at a slow and steady pace. “You, hnnn will be. I’m trying my best to control myself for you love, don’t take it for granted.”

His body trembles like he’s bare naked on ice, and you aren’t sure if its because you felt good, or maybe you were pulsing around him a little too tight… or maybe both?

In that very next minute he continues with hits slow and steady strokes as he’s swearing to protect you from all dangers like a sacred prayer:

“No matter we go through, I’ll still always remain loyal to your side.”

“I will never ever harobor a secret like that again and cause you harm.”

Like the main character of your stories, I will always be with you until the end.”

As you begin to adjust to the power of his subtle thrust you start to moan aloud in his ears while pulling onto the back of his damp sweaty white strands.

With what you had just done, something inside of him must have been triggered, as his body suddenly swung in a curvier wave, making his thrust that much deeper.

He wasn’t just making love to your body, but he also fed the filthiness floating around in your mind, and you brought it to his attention.

“It’s starting to feel so amazing angel. Your perfect, huge cock, feels so amazing, it’s making me feel so full my sweet boy.”

His thrust slightly falters as you begin to scratch his back, while you continue to make pleasurable sounds in his prettily decorated earlobes.

“You’re so tight baby”, he whimpers, “the best pussy…belongs to my mistress.”

As you both drown in sensual bliss you both knew you weren’t coming up for air anytime soon.

A bit after, there was one particular stroke that made your toes curl, and you instinctively clenched onto his length causing you both to cry in unison, that also had all activity come to a quick stop.

“Maybe. You pause to catch your breath. “Maybe I should get on top joongie.”

It wasn’t that he was doing a bad job, he was doing so well, like too well.

And so, with you on top, there will be no squeezing every last living drip out of him while he has to pause his penetrations. You’ll be able to control how he moves inside you while pleasuring him all at the same time.

“You’re not trying to subdue me are you baby?” He jokingly questions.

“I mean, only if you want me to, just because I’m on top doesn’t me I’m asserting dominance.”

“Fair play.” He discerned. “I’ll do as I please then.”

It took a while, but with Hongjoong's hands guidance, you learned how to ride him properly like a cowgirl.

But first, you test the position by taking in his on his tip, moving up and down so very carefully, but he still has the reaction of grabbing a pillow to hold it over his face, while one hand grabs and squeezes your hip.

“Gosh, you still feel too good”, he commented. Voice clearly muffled by the material inside the fluffy pillow.

“And you…”, you trail off. “Are still….so big”

Gradually, as you continue to suck him up and swallow his girthy cock down, you start to feel the difference in his length from when you were lying down. Poking around inside your walls and feeling him completely inside your belly as he bulges from the outside.

After a while, you decide to switch course, by experimenting if you could take him in deeper.

You rip away the pillow that hides his cherry-colored cheeks while then placing your hands on his muscular chest.

As he feels his cock shift inside from the new change in position, he rose both of his hands to rest right on top of your bare ass, fondling the flesh.

Your faces are so close as your breaths mingle through a circle of air. It’s so much more intimate, and you can feel his hardness riding on his defined line of abs through your stomach.

“Kiss me, baby, please. Kiss me like you mean it.” He softly demands.

Then, in a feverish clash in which you connect, you bite his bottom lip, then you open your mouth and swipe your tongue on the bite mark, urging him to open his mouth as well to complete the filthiest, neediest, and horniest kiss you two have ever shared.

Compared to the first time he tongue kissed you, you’ve fairly upgraded to be an intermediate-skilled pro.

“I like when you beg for me”, you whisper in between a sequence of wet pecks.

“I like it when you comply with what I ask for because I know you want it just as bad as I do.” Hongjoong retorts, then biting onto your bottom lip.

You pull back from him as he releases it gently, looking deep into his sex drunk daze, nearly being lost into those dark brown orbs.

“You think you know how bad I want you huh?”

“Mhmmm.” He groans. “That’s what I said darling.”

At this you rise up to sit right up on his cock again, feeling a slight pressure from the change in position.

Slowly, as you make eye contact with the confident man, you lift off his length and sit tight on top of his girth.

“I’m gonna show you, how bad I can be. You’re not just going to want from me sweet boy, no, you are gonna need.”

So you move forward and roll your slick on him, and as you imagined it feels a million times better skin-to-skin then through two layers of underwear and denim jeans.

Your velvety wet lips rock back and forth on his tender hard cock, base to tip, tip to base, a rhythmic pattern mixed with precum that stirs up into a messy blend.

“F-fuck, is this something you’ve thought about before?”

In every action, you try and speculate for patterns, and one you notice is that when you move toward his tip, that’s when he moans the loudest, just as you did on the couch after your picnic date.

“I might’ve.” You tease in a hushed tone. Or maybe, I just came up with it on the spot… why do you ask? Need something?”

He grabs onto your ass and starts smacking as he guides your hips for you to move faster, faster, and faster.

“Y-yeah. I need you”, he pridefully admits, “to keep fucking that sweet pussy over me like a good girl. No talking, no teasing, just cum…” He growls.

The head of him glides inside through your folds and in another moment of weakness your back palms on his chest, as he pulls you even closer at the rushed pace, bucking his hips like it was the last thing he’d ever do.

“Are you going to cum too joongie?”

A shudder of breath sounds in your ears when he says, “Yes, I’m right behind you baby.”

As they’re lips mingle, and their parts create slick friction, it becomes easier to express themselves openly, through moans, groans, whimpers, cries, growls, shouts, and breath-hitching sighs.

Their bodies move together rhythmically, exploring each other thoroughly with their hands leaving behind a trace. As the passion builds, inevitably, so does their need for release.

“Let go, baby. Let it all out," Hongjoong urged, his voice deep and reassuring.

And with those words, she surrendered to the sensations washing over her. Her body tensed, and then she cried out in release, waves of pleasure crashing over her.

That's it," he groaned, finding his own release within her. Their bodies shook together as they rode out the wave of passion, their breathing heavy and ragged.

No soon a thick line of course white shoots on his torso, mirroring the orgasm rushing through her veins.

Their hands remain interlocked in unity as they share a blissful kiss.

Even after longing for a decade in the event this moment,

Oh, how wonderful was it for them both, to have the pleasure of feeling a love like this.

The end,

of a new beginning.

…

After a steamy shower and much-needed meal, because who knew sex would make you so greedy, the two of you lie in converse while your half-naked bodies sparkle in the moonlight, like two stars in the night sky.

The atmosphere feels still and light weight like how floating planets do in outer space. However, there was still a heavy weight of tension, but neither of you bothered to spoil the intimate moment to mention.

“Was it how you imagined it?”

As you trace unconnected lines on his chest, you ponder about your answer.

“Honestly, I am not sure what I expected, but as far as what I felt, it’s…indescribable, intense, yet very romantic? I-I’ve just never felt closer to anyone in such a way...”

Hongjoong grins as he speaks. “It seems as though these books influenced you to think that sex was supposed to be a particular way don't you think? He shrugs his shoulders and says, I’m guilty of it too.”

“What? Have you never had…” you trail off.

“No, I have, but making love like that? He pauses. It’s something I’ve never felt in such a way either.”

“Mhmm.” You hum. But inside you are thrilled to hear that you’ve been his first for something in a way. “Maybe it's best for us to take some time from all that unrealistic stuff when we have all we need right here in front of us with each other.” You smile.

It was foreign to even think, or hear yourself saying this. From 19 years old, to now a 25-year-old woman, who used erotic fiction as a coping mechanism, from the effects of society's unrealistic expectations and standards.

But with age comes maturity, and with love, you’ll take all the risks.

“Agreed”, Hongjoong mutters, and then suddenly changes topics. “But seriously though, before tonight, I had this entire plan for when you were ready.”

You move even closer to mature torsos more attentive as he continues, “I was gonna take you out on a really nice date, and have you come back ho-I mean, to my apartment with candles, sunflower petals, drinks, the whole nine.”

When he finished speaking you move closer to him and cross your legs over his, and he immediately reaches down to rub onto the sore muscles.

“Well, you still have the option of doing that you know? It just won’t be the first…”

He bows his head and nods, then looks right back into your infatuated eyes.

“Maybe one day….” he lifts your chin with his free hand. “Baby steps darling.” Hongjoong then leans down to plant a warm kiss on you’re lips. “There’s still so much more I want to do with you…I’ve dreamed about it.”

“Oh gosh…I’ve had too many of those”, you unconsciously admit, letting out a small giggle.

A brow is raised from Hongjoong who looks very intrigued. “Maybe you can tell me all about them one day?”

You grow flustered, speeding up the rhythm of your beating heart. “Yeah, one day...”

“Hey, do you wanna try sleeping with the light off tonight?” He asks.

“Yeah, I think I’ll be okay,” you mutter.

He reaches his hands from underneath your chin upward toward the switch of the built-in wall headlight. “I’m proud of you. He whispers from above, then comes back down to once again cross your leg over his.

“Together forever sunflower baby?”

“Together forever, my ray of sunshine.”

…

Even after a night with the romantic endings and exciting beginnings, there was something in the middle where you both had to meet, in order for this relationship to really work.

At the beginning of that next morning, you woke up cutely greeted by your fluffy white-haired boyfriend, and a fancy platter of smell-good breakfast in bed.

“Good morning gorgeous~, are you hungry baby?”

After staring at him and then at the plate for some time, you let out a hoarse thank you before complimenting his fine chef skills, only to learn that he retrieved it the food from the cafe you both frequent.

Two laughs are shared in the bedroom before you sit up to stare at the decorative plate. You’re very hungry, yet too unfocused to grab your utensils and take the first bite. There is still one ginormous elephant stuck in the room that you have to kick back into the zoo in order to make this thing work…

setting boundaries and being real.

“Listen.” coincidently, you both had the same thought and spoke in unison, which made things a little light-hearted from the sudden seriousness.

“You first.”

Without any intention, It happens again. You suppose that somehow this can account for the intimate relationship you two manifested, however, it still has to be said, and off your minds to instill an honest lasting bond.

Hongjoong points quickly toward you in silence, avoiding any further interference from your newly discovered telepathic connection.

In acknowledgment of what he’s trying to say you rush out, “I still feel like we need to be more honest with each other if things are really going to be serious between us.”

By mistake, you think he must have misunderstood by the mysterious look on his face until he speaks, “I was just gonna say the exact same thing.”

Thank goodness.

“We’ll work it out.” He goes on. “But we have to communicate and be honest as we are now. It might have been one of the only things that was holding us back.”

“It is, you comment. “Maybe with this, you lift your hands wiggling the sunflower on your ring finger. “We can add healthy communication, and true honesty to the promise, for both you and me.”

He then pats your head gently in reward as you begin to eat. “Good thinking baby.”

A comfortable silence resides through the atmosphere as Hongjoong quirks up and says, “Oh baby, how could I forget? Guess what I just got told on the phone this morning”

“Hm?” you mumble with food in your mouth.

The young man smiles wildly, brilliance shining through his teeth as he moves from the bed into a superhero-like stance.

“I, am Kim Hongjoong, self-declared journalist, now serving as CEO of his very own establishment, ‘Wake Up World Writing Company, and the best part is my slogan, he raises his hands up to do a sweeping motion in the air, ‘eyes in the sky’.”

As you hear the given news, you choke up on your food and place it on the side of the table, moving toward him on the edge of the bed while taking his hands in yours.

“Congratulations honey! I mean, really I shouldn’t be surprised, really you’ve worked so hard angel baby.” You then grab hold of his swollen morning cheeks. “I guess we both proved how worthy we are to our old bosses…we make a strong power couple.”

Hongjoong chuckles deeply before connecting his lips with yours. “Damn right we do.” He then strokes your head, his smile dimming a bit. “So what are you going to do? Ever thought of having a business of your own?”

Work hasn’t necessarily been in the plans recently, but now that the war is over, it’s time to get back on your feet again and plan ahead for your new future.

“I don’t know, it’s like computers have always been my thing for the longest time you know….”, you timidly whisper, “but I’m kind of sick of it now, brings up bad memories…” you trail off.

It was then when you looked into Hongjoong's worrying glistening eyes that you came up with the perfect plan.

“You know what actually? Ever since I started dating this guy, I’ve become more of the… artsy type.” You tilt your head playfully.

Ever since you met Hongjoong, you've learned more about yourself than you have in any of the previous 24 years you’ve been alone, bringing you peace, and a new found self-discovery you hadn’t known you needed.

“Oh? He quips before pushing you onto your back, slowly climbing over you. “Who is this handsome young man that you speak of, and why is he trying to take away my girlfriend?”

You can’t help but snort and laugh at what you're about to say. “He, was in my bed last night, and we had a grand ol’ time.” You snicker.

An immediate stunned expression took over your boyfriend's features, and a bowed nodding head in an annoyed yet flirtatious attitude followed suit, drifting his eyes downward to your chest.

“Ahhhh, that explains the hickeys!” He sarcastically shouts.

You train your eyes to look down at your boobs, old marks, and the new marks that have deepened many shades darker since last night.

“Hey! It’s called marking thank you very much! Which means I’m his, and he’s mine.”

You stick your tongue, wiggling it at him which only makes him act on the urge to lean down and french kiss you.

The flavor of sweet creamed coffee was coated in his taste buds, and he briefly pulled away when something came to mind.

“Who knew you were such a jokester baby, it got me thinking, you know what else would be really funny?”

You give him a inquisitive look for him to continue.

“If we made a quick trip past the library, what if they’re open now?” He finished.

“Ew, why would you want that?” You exclaim.

“What do you mean?”, Hongjoong asks, “It’s our place, where we both officially met each other. It’s how you started fetishizing about me.” As a means of retaliation, he looks at you teasingly.

“Okay ‘Mr.Write’, tone it down about 10 notches, you retort, “Aren’t you the one who made an entire series about our relationship without my permission?”

“Aren’t you the one who read it, and fapped to it and reread it nearly every day?��

“Fap?”

“Think about it….” He trails off.

You quietly gasp before nodding in embarrassment, “Touché.”

“So…” Hongjoong says while lifting off from your body on the bed. “Does that mean we can go?”

In contemplation, you gaze down at Hongjoong's pouty lips, feeling yourself slowly give in, because deep down inside, you too are curious.

“Fine you win…freaking cornball,” you mutter.

“What was that?”

…

You and Hongjoong nervously walked by the entrance of the library's double doors in expectancy of a closing letter.

But surprise surprise.

The Wonderland Collections Library

Now Renewed for Opening!

How coincidental that the world set you two up on this crazy rollercoaster when the library closed and now that the ride is over for the two of you to get off and away from the fear it reopens again.

“It’s so strange to be coming in here with you, old I would’ve never expected this to happen.”

“Neither did I, it feels like a trip back to the past.” You hum in agreement while you both stare at the tall structured building, reminiscing on all the memories you had here, including with each other.

“Ready?” You ask, looking over to the white-haired man accessorized in black circle-rimmed glasses and pearl earrings at your side.

“Let’s go!”, Hongjoong quips, “Starting again from Chapter 1.”

Hongjoong then holds the door for you, watching as you enter with a cheeky grin.

The two of you share a laugh and get lost in conversation as you walk in the familiar space, then interrupted as you hear a familiar voice calling out your name.

“Y/n?!”

The familiar voice was that of the curious librarian behind the front desk, who often quizzed you in curiosity about your weekly stack of erotic novels.

“Oh, how I miss you so.”, they say coming from behind the desk after quickly assisting a customer and walking towards the both of you.

As they approach closer, they stop to turn their attention to your now boyfriend and recently acquired CEO.

“It’s great to see you again as well. How have you been?” Hongjoong kindly asks, displaying his gentleman-like tendencies.

“Well, I’m quite fine now…” They give you a dubious look to which you nod your head to in affirmation. “So you two…” the librarian presumes.

You then verbally answer, “ Yep. We are now boyfriend and girlfriend.”

In order to demonstrate your unity, the two of you look at each other shyly, then grasp each other's hands into a tight bond.

“Aweee, I’m so happy to hear that, congratulations you two!” They coo cheerfully.

Hongjoong and you share a thank you with the librarian only to have them mutter afterward, "It took you long enough."

You hear a hush as a combination of your three waves of laughter echo in the quiet space, almost causing you to silence yourself in forgetfulness, but the librarian does an effective job at telling them off.

“Anyhow…Hongjoong then whispers. “A lot has happened in these past few months, but here we are now, happy and in love.”

A tight comforting squeeze shoots through your hand, and you squeeze it back playfully in reciprocation.

“Well I’m very happy for you.”, the librarian nods. “The both of you are one of the lucky ones, it’s like a fantasy came true.”

The two of you look at each other with a knowing expression and giggle,

“I suppose you could say that.”

…

Kim Hongjoong

11/17/2023

‘Light’

It is through an acceptance of both, the light and shadow, that we can connect with each other physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and financially. -ally, it is a suffix that means to unite.

Unity; this is crucial for a harmonious relationship with the self, others, and the rest of the world.

The equilibrium of light and shadow can be achieved if you, the bright, unite with the night.

In simpler words, use your knowledge to understand the darkness rather than harbor it from the outside world. By doing so, you may end up saving yourself, or discovering all you keep in shadow, with someone else.

That is, the beauty of light.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚ * ੈ✩‧₊˚*

☑️🤍A/N: That is… THE END. There were many trials and errors throughout this whole series but as my first, it’s most expected. I just appreciate those of you who reblog, like and comment, it’s a great motivator. With that being said there will be more content in the way with different members that I hope you enjoy ;)))))

@moonstarwitch , @moonlitchickpea , @k-k-kn1v3s , @parkurhope , @ayeyeoyeo , @reverienymphslibrary , @blackbutterfly133 , @marshalhong , @hyunaphordite , @dimeb29 , @seong-hoe @yourfatherlucifer , @sisterofsomeone , @kpoplover90 , @trinibunnie , @bluesunpurplestar1117 , @cloudysannie , @julietacamposoffical , @foxinnie8

@bobathyy, @yeosangsbbg, @godmenus101, @franzma, @bloody-wine, @baeksobsession, @angelsaway, @minnie-min, @enchantingbroweyedgirl, @liyaaaaaas-world, @mycloudysunflower

Thank you so very much.

Much love

xoxo

[broskiblurbs]

When You Are Gone {T.H}

Summary: This is part two to "When I Lose You." Tom struggles with your death even months after. He almost ends it, but you give him the push he needs. Words: 2.8K Warnings: ANST! Attempted suicide, moderate cussing, mentions of heavy alcohol use. Also, spoilers for The Fault in Our Stars.

part one here

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s been four months since Tom Holland watched you die; no, begged the doctors to not save you. The moment plays in his head on repeat in his waking hours and haunts him as he sleeps. He wishes he let the doctors resuscitate you, then maybe, just maybe, he would have his happy ending. Perhaps it was a selfish desire, but he never found a way to live without you. It was like you took every part of him when you left this world.

Everything that made Tom, well, Tom must’ve danced with you to wherever your soul went. A once happy, energizing, fun-loving man was now a depressed, droopy, angry alcoholic. Someone who used to have so much to say, now didn’t see a purpose to noise. He had closed himself off to everyone, even his best mate Harrison, who had tried endlessly to get through to friend.

“Tom, please. Open up. Everyone’s worried about you, mate.” Tom could hear Harrison calling from the other side of the front door of his flat. He couldn’t be bothered. Tom was tucked away in his bed. The room was completely dark and reeked of rum. It was only one in the afternoon. “If you don’t answer, then I’m coming in!” That he did. 

He came barging in the pigsty of a bedroom and found his best friend wallowing away with his pillow, which probably had collected a gallon of salty tears, if not more. He turned on the lights and yanked the blankets off of Tom, who was very quick to tell him to fuck off.

“I’ve fucked off for four months. Now, it’s time for me to step in before you end up killing yourself,” Harrison scolded. 

“Do it, then! Leave me to die. At least then, I won’t have to hear your annoying ass pound on my door twice a fucking day! Don’t you get it? I don’t want you here to pity me,” Tom bit back. Harsh words indeed, but Harrison wasn’t about to give up that quickly. He knew it was the alcohol and grief talking. 

“Pity you? Please, I’m not here to pity you. I'm here to get your head out of your ass and go see your family. They are worried about you. They haven’t seen you since the funeral. Do you really think this is what Y/N wants?” Tom's face turned red as he got up in his friend’s face.

“Don’t you dare say her name,” he warned as he pushed past Harrison to go to the living room. Mainly so he can grab a beer, but as well as to kick his friend out.

“She was my friend too!” Harrison’s voice boomed across the flat. “Your parents saw her like her own daughter. As for Sam and Harry, they lost a best friend that day.”

“I lost the love of my life! Do not compare my loss to yours or my brothers!” Angry tears escaped Tom’s eyes as his fists rolled up into balls.

“You’re not getting it, mate,” Harrison tried more gently. “We all lost someone else that day as well. You.” Tom’s face eased up as he continued to hear what his friend had to say. “Even at the funeral, you wouldn’t talk to anyone. You disappeared from our lives when we needed you the most. Might as well have been your funeral as well.”

Tom took a seat on the couch, which hasn’t been sat on since you were there. Your blanket was still lounging over the side. Your shoes were still tucked underneath the furniture because no matter how much you tried, you could never remember to take off your shoes at the front door. Your book was still on the coffee table. It was turned upside down, keeping the spot you were at since you lost your bookmark, which was probably stuck between the couch cushions. 

“What are you reading?” Tom asked as he grabbed the books from your hand. You gave him a pout and cuddled more into your soft blanket. “The Fault in Our Stars, really?”

“What? It’s a great read,” you responded, grabbing back your book from him.

“Doesn’t he like die in the end? Why would you want to read something like that?” Your fiance asked you. 

“I haven’t finished it yet!” you scolded, causing Tom to put his fingers on his mouth while nervously laughing, knowing he just spoiled the end of the book for you. “This is why Marvel won’t let you read REAL scripts.” You jokingly hit him with the book.

“To be fair, the movie has been out for years now. That’s your fault for not reading it sooner, darling.” He bent down to give you a kiss on your forehead. His way of apologizing to you.  

“Halfass apology, but I accept.” Tom starts to walk away, but trips on one of your shoes on the floor. He turns back around and sends you a glare. “That’s what you get for spoiling the book for me.” He rolled his eyes in response.

“Oh, by the way, don’t forget about Paddy’s graduation party tonight,” Tom reminded.

“Right. I probably should get ready for that.” You move around as you try to look for your bookmark. “Where is…? Oh, forget it.” You turn your book upside down, making the table promise to keep your spot.

Tears flooded Tom’s eyes as your memory assaulted him. He cradled his face as he continued to sob. Harrison and Tom weren’t big on hugging, but this was an exception. He wrapped his arms around his friend, reassuring him that he was there for him. Tom didn’t push away. Instead, he accepted the embrace. This was the first human interaction in months and he needed to let his griefs out.

“I just miss her, mate. So fucking much,” Tom said in between sobs.

“I know. Me too.” A few tears escaped Harrison’s eyes as well. Another weight was added to the hug. Almost as if you were hugging them from the otherside. Tom looked at Harrison, who didn’t seem to notice it. Maybe he’s finally gone crazy.

“I still need time. This-this is all too much for me to handle,” Tom uttered, pulling away from the hug. This is when Harrison noticed Tom’s figure. He lost a dangerous amount of weight. This muscles had diminished considering he hadn’t gotten out of bed in weeks, let alone gone to the gym

“Then let us help you. No one expected you to do this on your own,” Harrison replied, rubbing his friend’s back. Tom stood back up.

“I told you. I don’t need your pity,” he pronounced, taking another swig of his beer.

“You’re not taking care of yourself. When was the last time you actually ate something? Alcohol doesn’t count. You need help,” Harrison tried, receiving him a groan from Tom. “It’s okay to need help, mate. You lost your fiance-”

“Wife,” he interrupted. His head was hanging low. “She is, I mean, was my wife.” The interaction was stressing Tom out. Too many thoughts, memories, and pieces of you replaying in his mind at once. He ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s too much,” he whispered.

“Tom-”

“Please, go.” He pointed to the door, directing his friend to leave. Harrison hesitantly left, knowing there wasn’t much more he could do. He wasn’t giving up on his mate. No. He knew Tom needed medical help, but he had no way to get Tom to admit that himself. He needed help and returned with that no more than an hour later, but it was too late.

After Harrison left, Tom crashed back on the couch and held your blanket in his arms, touching it the first time since that night. He held it close to his nose. Your smell was still sown in with the stitches. This smell wasn’t sick. It wasn’t lying on a hospital bed, begging him to let you go. It was cozy. It was home. On the couch and with him.

On the small wooden table that sat right next to the couch was a lamp and a picture. The picture of you and Tom on your first date as boyfriend and girlfriend. It was at a local diner, one he went to ever since he first came to New York. You got chicken tenders, while he got a ¼ pound burger. The sun glistens your face so beautifully. It made you look like an angel.

“I still can’t believe you got chicken tenders. What are you? Nine?” Tom joked taking a big bite out of his burger. You give a shy smile.

“It’s a classic, and I know I will enjoy it,” you respond, smothering your tender in sauce. Tom laughed and shook his head.

“Whatever you say, love.” He now takes a bite of his fries. “These are the best chips. Better than any McDonald’s I’ve ever been to.” You give him a weird look. “What?”

“You mean fries?” You start giggling, causing your boyfriend to roll his eyes.

“Same thing. In the UK we call them chips.”

“Well, London Boy, you’re in America. Those are french fries,” you state as you take one of his fries and toss it in your mouth. Tom looks at you with disbelief.

“You have your own right there,” he exclaims as he points at your fries that lay next to your crisp tenders.

“Yeah, but yours are better.” 

Tom slams the picture facedown back on the table. He gets back up to get his beer from the kitchen counter. He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t imagine a world where you were gone. No longer existing. A world where the only things that proved you were once alive were a pair of shoes, a book, a blanket, a picture, and your memory constantly running through his mind. A world that was once warm, full of color and light was now a cold, dark, and lonely one. With tears streaming down his cheeks, he heads to the bathroom. He had just missed that picture he placed facedown moments ago, only now it was sitting right again.

He swung the medicine cabinet open as he rummaged through the contents. “Tylenol,” he thought to himself. It would do the trick. Is he really going to do this? Is it worth it? This isn’t what you would want, right? He unsealed the cap as he ignored every thought in his mind. All he ever wanted was you. This is how he would get to you. He must die. He grabs handfuls of the medicine at a time and chugs it with his beer. “I’ll be with you soon, darling.” 

What he didn’t know was that you were there. The entire time. You walked with him home from the hospital the night you died. You stood on the stage with him as he attempted a speech in your honor at your funeral. You cuddled him as he cried himself to sleep every night, wishing for a different outcome. This was no different. You screamed at him to stop and think about what he was doing, but of course, he couldn’t hear you. You were a ghost.

Everything was white. It almost blinded Tom. He was even dressed in white.  He slowly stood up and saw the local diner in the distance. Instead of being surrounded by tall buildings, it just sat by itself in the distance. The door to the diner made its typically ringing noise as he walked through the door. Everything was restored of color and he was now wearing his cream turtleneck and khakis. The same thing he wore on his first date with you. In the third booth, you sat. You were as healthy as ever. Your hair was all grown out and you had some color to your skin. You were you.

Tom rushed to the booth and sat across from you. You give him a welcoming smile. Oh how he missed that smile of yours. You pick up the menu that is laid in front of you.

“You know, I might go for the chicken tenders. You can never go wrong with those,” you spoke. Your voice rang through Tom’s ears and it sounded like music. “Let me guess. You’re going to get the Mama’s Cheeseburger with ‘chips.’” Tom was speechless. All he could do is just look at you with love and admiration. You were here. With him. Alive and well. “Well, am I right?”

Tom cleared his throat and replied, “You know me too well, darling.” He did something he hadn’t done since you were diagnosed: smile. The song “Only You” by Yaz started to play on the jukebox.

“I think I remember you promising me ‘a dance in the afterlife,’” you reminded him. You stood up from the booth and held your hand out to him. “Come on!” 

He gladly took your hand and danced with you. His arms around your waist and yours around his neck. The two of you swayed with the beat. He playfully twirled you, causing you to giggle.

“Am I dead?” he whispered.

“Only if you want to be,” you responded. The scene seemed to change to a dance floor. You were in a beautiful white gown and him in a black and white suit and tie. This was meant to be your wedding dress and his suit. The song had changed pace and a female voice was now singing. (Selena Gomez version)

“Well, I did this,” he said, gesturing to his suicide.

“I know,” you answered, moving a piece of hair out of his face.

“I can’t do this without you, darling. It’s too much,” he cried.

“You know why I love 'The Fault in Our Stars so much?'” You asked. Tom shook his head, confused as to whether the book had anything to do with this.

“The storytelling. It was beautiful and amazing. The jokes and the memories Augustus and Hazel shared. Sure, he dies in the end, but that doesn’t erase everything that happened. Yes, it sucks, but that is our story. I loved every moment. It doesn’t have to be the end, either. We can just put a bookmark and finish it later,” you explain. “Do you understand what I’m saying Tom? You can live. You still have the rest of your life. Your parents, your brothers, and Harrison will make it all worth living for. Just give them a chance.”

“No, I can’t. You are everything. When you died you took every part of me with you,” he responded. The two of you have stopped dancing at this point, still in each other’s arms.

“Then, find it again. It’s going to take some time, but it’s possible. I will be with you. I have always been with you. You were never alone.” You put your hand on his heart. “Please, Tom. It’s not your time yet. When it is your time, I’ll be here waiting. We can remove the bookmark and continue our story, but for now, go live your life.” You gave him pleading eyes and you knew he wouldn’t resist. “Trust your friends, family, and most importantly, yourself.” He nods.

“Okay, I’ll live for you,” he reluctantly agreed. The space was getting smaller. Tom was waking up.

“No, for yourself,” you corrected. The music had stopped and the space was now pitch black.

“Y/N?” He called out, but you were gone.

Tom was now laying in the hospital bed. The smell that was once you were now of medicine and hand sanitizer. He looked around and he was currently alone, or it seemed that way. He imagined you standing over him. He could almost hear you say, “You got this.” On the nightstand lay a book: The Fault in Our Stars. There was a bookmark in it. He turned the page and there was a section highlighted.

“There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.” -The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.

[the1975attheirverybest]

Hii 🖤 I know you've been asked this before and already written these but wanted to ask you if you could write a blurb where the reader is in a subspace but they agreed before that she needs space afterwards not his atteniton. So he does as she asked him before but it doesn't end well.

I understand if you dont bc you have written a lot of these. Thank you for being here I love everything you write, you are really talented love you ❤️

Oh, of course!! Never apologize for sending in a request my dear. And thank you so much for your kind words and for reading 💗🥹🥹 you’re so sweet.

—

“Holy, shit!” Matty laughed to himself, sitting back in bed to catch his breath. “I really needed that stress relief, not gonna lie.” He smiled at her. She looked a bit hazy as she stared back at him silently. “Hey, you with me?” He spoke softly.

She nodded.

Matty knew that she tended to be sensitive to touch and louder noises when coming down from an experience like this, so he wanted to be careful and composed when interacting with her. He opted for an even tone of voice, simple words, clear statements. Nothing too overwhelming or emotional.

“Okay, I think you’re still a bit blurry, honey. Listen, I’m gonna clean you up before I go, is that okay with you?”

“Y-yeah.”

Hearing her finally give him a verbal response eased his worry a bit. He hurried into the bathroom, grabbing all the supplies that he’s prepared in advance, as per their routine.

“Gonna wipe between your legs first, is that alright?” She nodded. “Tell me to stop if you need me to, okay?”

She’s heard these instructions countless times before, but they still gave her comfort. Both because they re-affirmed that she was safe with him, and because the familiarity of knowing what he was going to say next, after a long night of him keeping her on her feet, always felt good. He carried out their clean up routine exactly as he always does, talking her thorough it slowly like he always did.

“Want me to help dress you? Run you a bath?”

She shook her head no and watched him disappear out of the room. She laid her head back on the pillow, staring up at the ceiling, feeling numb.

Matty reappeared in the doorway moments later startling her.

“Oh! Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you…”

“I thought you’d left!” She yelled out, mostly out of reflex.

“Christ- sorry, no. I said I was going to be back. Guess you didn’t hear me. I just- umm, brought you some water and a snack….you know, just in case.”

She nodded, giving him the green light to come into the room.

He set the water and protein bar down carefully, reaching for his leather jacket which had landed on the floor when she’d undressed him earlier in the night.

“Well, alright, then. Guess I’m all done. Unless you’d like me to stay?”

“No, Matty. You know how I’m like. You should go.”

“I could, umm, sleep downstairs? On the couch? Really, I’m probably gonna end up on Ross’s couch later tonight anyway, so-“

She gave him a weak smile. “Go see Ross. I’m okay, really.”

“Alright, then. I love you, darling.”

***

She woke up to the sound of her phone vibrating against the nightstand. The sunlight shining through the window felt like an assault on her eyes as she adjusted to her surroundings. Through droopy eyes, she blinked twice before she could read the caller ID. It was Matty. Which wasn’t entirely unexpected. He’d made a deal with her that he would always call the next day to check in.

“He-hello?” Her voice was barely heard.

“Hey! Are you home?” Matty’s voice cheery from the other end of the line.

“Yeah, why?”

“Good, cuz, im about two minutes away. Got us coffee and donuts.”

She panicked. While it was customary for Matty to check in the next day, he’d never done it by simply showing up uninvited. She tossed the phone away, jolting to her feet. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” The room was a mess. She was a mess. Everything was exactly as Matty had left it the night before. She needed to do something and she needed to do it, fast.

She managed to make the bed, rather messily, and crack open a window before she heard the sound of Matty’s footsteps rushing up the stairs. She was regretting that spare key she’d given him.

“What the fuck, mate, you can’t just leave me on the phone like that!” She heard Matty call out before he even made it into the bedroom. “Oh, thank god you’re alright! Fuckin scared me.” He said as soon as he landed eyes on her and saw that she was in tact and standing in her own bedroom.

“Alright, so I know you have a thing for glazed donuts. So, I got every kind of glaze they had.” He set the food down and turned to look at her, which is when he began to take in his surroundings.

Her clothes where right where he’d left them. Her open purse from last night, the pack of condoms they’d opened, her dress, right down to the glass of water and protein bar that he’d brought her. It was all exactly where he’d last seen it. Matty fell silent, slowly looking her up and down. She was wearing one of his t shirts.

“B-baby? Is- umm- are you okay?”

He didn’t need to ask her that. Of course she wasn’t. The bags under her eyes, her hair, her lips, the fact that she’d been in bed until he’d called…she was anything but fine.

She felt nervous, extremely aware of his eyes watching her. She reached for the coffee that he’d brought, but he simply took it away, out of her reach. “Not until you answer me.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Fuckin say something, please. I’m officially scared now.”

“I-I’m fine, Matty.”

“Right. Is that why you’ve done nothing all day?”

“You don’t- know that!” She crossed her arms over her chest, feeling defensive.

“But I know you. I know you’d rather die than leave your room a mess. Tell me, if I walk into that bathroom over there, am I gonna see that my used condom from last night, and the stuff I cleaned you up with, are the only thing in the trash? Hmm?”

She turned away from him, walking to the bed and sitting on the end of it.

Matty grabbed the water from the nightstand and followed her. “Drink this. Now.”

“I-“

“Wasn’t a request.”

She could feel his silent rage radiating from his body. So, reluctantly, she did as he said.

“No. Finish all of it.”

She gulped it down until it was empty, and then made a show of proving that to him.

Finally, he sat down. “Okay, now you can have some coffee while you talk to me. What’s going on?”

At such close proximity, she couldn’t pretend she was blind to the pain and confusion all over his face. Her eyes stung with tears as she began to speak. “I- I just don’t feel good. I don’t know why.” She shrugged.

“H-how long have you felt this way?” He asked, clearly hurt already.

“Matty-“

“How long, my love?” Though he’d called her “my love” he’d said it with a firmness that altered its meaning.

“Since you left” she stared down at her feet, ashamed.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you call, text, or say something?”

No longer able to stomach the thought of having upset him, she began to cry. “I- I didn’t know how! I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I’m not always perfect! But- we- we have our aftercare agreement for a reason. You know that!”

His hardened expression melted away at the sight of her tears running down her face. He reached over, wiping her face with his hand. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry. Don’t cry. Please.” He set down his coffee to give her a hug. “Baby, what I know is that you prefer to have your own space after rough nights like last night. And, that’s usually what makes you feel better.”

She nodded into his shirt. “Helps me process.”

“Darling, I’m not trying to be mean, but by the looks of things, you weren’t really processing much last night.”

She pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes. “I- didn’t. Only moved to- umm” she felt her cheeks flush with blood. “To get your shirt out of the closet. Wanted it cuz it smelled like you.”

“Oh, baby…”

“Just laid in bed after that-“

“Crying.” He finished the sentence for her. He knew it. As soon as he saw her eyes this morning, he know something wasn’t right.

She nodded. Embarrassed.

“Baby, you should’ve called me as soon as you felt it.”

“I thought it was just a fleeting moment that would pass! You said you were gonna go see Ross and the guys, I didn’t wanna-“

“If I had known that you needed me? I’d have dropped everything and came straight back here to hold you and love on you all night.”

She felt butterflies flutter in her stomach at the thought. “Really?”

“Are you kidding me? Of course! What we did last night- it was intense. It’s completely normal for you to be feeling a bit off after. And- I would’ve liked to help make you feel better.”

She nodded, finally taking in his point of view.

“Well, it’s not too late. I’d still like to do it, if that’s okay with you? Will you let me look after you today? Hmm? Make it up to you, maybe help you get some sleep, even?”

She felt herself well up, again, nodding slowly. “Please. I’d like that.”

[yahsung]

LATE NIGHT FACETIME WITH BOYFRIEND!JISUNG

the way i’ve been gone for like ever but it’s about to be 5am, i have to be up early, and yet jisung is more important

sleeeeepy. you both are really sleepy during your late night call.

“but i miss your voice so much” your high school sweetheart whines to you every time you mention how late it is.

ofc you’ve been on facetime with him for HOURS before it was finally time to snooze.

and ofc you’re both tired and your eyes are slowly closing, silently drifting off to sleep…

but you both also wanna stay up and secretly stare at each other, saying gooey cute things.

tbh you both r kinda super competitive for no reason and wanna see who’ll knock out first

AS IF YOU DON’T FACETIME EVERY NIGHT??

he likes staring at you as you’re slowly drifting off to sleep… smiling all goofy to himself

and when you happen to wake yourself up he’ll either place his hand to cover his big smile or clear his throat

“AHA! i caught you staring at me loser” cue soft defensive jisung to the stage pls “what- who?? ME? YOU’RE THE LOSER”

you don’t know how he happens to be more talkative and energetic this late in the day

shorty will say two words to you during the day but will rant about mark or chenle allll night

“no and you won’t believe what mark did today- it was so funny let me tell you”

he snores just a little teeny weeny bit

you think it’s so cute but you usually fall asleep before him so this is rare when you catch it

you two have so many half asleep screenshots of one another

he sees your late night calls as smth personal and sacred, but he has one of the pics of you as his home screen it’s so cute

one time haechan walked in on you two on facetime suuuuper late into the night

ofc he doesn’t let jisung live it down

“hey rmbr when i walked into you smooching your phone at 4am one night”

you’ve woken up to him basically yelling at you in the morning to charge your phone lol

“jisung can you STOP YELLING im trying to sleep”

no matter how sleepy and tired you are some nights, seeing him with ruffled hair, droopy eyes, and a soft smile always wakes you up

and he honestly can’t go to sleep without knowing you’re doing the same

seeing you sleepy makes him sleepy aw

you’ve spent all nighters watching movies together on your laptops, cozy in your beds, snacks surrounding you, chatting about the movie

other nights where you’re helping each other study for wtv like college classes or personal lessons

oooooh college bf!jisung next???? :0

you could have been hanging out all day together and he’ll call you that same night

he just can’t and won’t ever get tired of you

“we gotta have our daily night facetime call yk?”

he loves loves loooves planning future dates while on call… and he’ll make notes of it too

“it’s like my best ideas come late at night, im such a cool boyfriend”

despite how chatty he is on facetime he absolutely love just staring at you sometimes

“…what are you look at ji?” usually he’ll just smile shyly but sometimes he; “you’re just so amazingly beautiful”

likes to ask you how your day has been and wants to know everything

he’ll listen and gasp at how your day has been, or give his two cents on your gossip

jisung does a lot of talking while on facetime but he loves gathering intel on ppl in your lives and keeping all the info you give him

“i CAN’T believe your friend did that”

he feels so cool knowing everything abt everyone bc he’s ur bf and you tell him everything

if by chance you guys can’t call or it didn’t happen one night, you both realize how those late night facetime calls really matter

it’s sort of like a routine at this point

ok guys i’m getting super sleepy and tired peace out

[leia-imogen]

aaron & the family he's found all by himself; vol. 1 // vol. 2

( ft. the first meeting & the first family game night )

okay, rundown of his first meeting w the vixens!

the vixens don't really like the foxes. they cheer at their games and all, but outside of that, they mostly stick with the football players

bcs, well, the foxes are,, intimidating and most of the vixens don't get how or why katelyn started dating one

especially one half of the terrifying duo that is the twinyards. like these tiny blonde angst goblins have absolutely zero chill, and this is the backliner one, the one that shattered the nose of a dude basically twice his size

they may be short as fuck but they're scary, and the vixens are worried that he might break katelyn's heart

but katelyn's sure about aaron minyard, and when cleo softly asks, "is he worth it?" she knows her answer is a yes

savannah and the rest of the girls aren't convinced tho, so she asks aaron if he'll meet them for one of the afterparties they have after games

he agrees after seeing the hopeful look on her face

and surprise, surprise, it isn't a complete disaster!!

see, aaron has a habit of mirroring the nature of the person he's with. in the book, we mostly see him as an asshole bcs it's from neil's pov, and neil, as much as i adore him, is an asshole

i think that when he's with nicky ( someone he loves and trusts ), he's like, nicer. it's not in his nature to be cheery or anything but he's less,, hostile? and way more relaxed

and katelyn's been nothing but sweet and polite to him, bcs katelyn's sweet and polite till you give her a reason not to be

so he's sweet and polite back, or at least, sweet and polite as aaron minyard can get.

yeah, he's definitely interesting enough, clever and quick-witted enough, respectful and loyal and insanely talented enough, that katelyn decides he's worth it. doubts he'll ever get boring

and yes, she knows this is a big risk, bcs she knows the foxes' rep, knows how fucked up he must to secure a place on the psu foxes, notices how aaron flinches when she makes any sudden movement

but you know what? fuck it

so when aaron tells her his strange, twisted little deal with his brother, katelyn's willing to fight for him

and after nearly 2 months of this, she drags him to the vixens with their fingers interlocked and a hope in her heart that they'd play nice like she's asked ( practically begged ) them to

aaron's buzzing a bit with nervous energy. it's very endearing, how his eyes had lit up at the sight of her, then how she felt her anxiety about the night melt away into excitement

sav tries, bless her, tries to engage aaron in half-hearted conversation about exy ( which she hates ) and aaron tries back, but that fizzles out bcs for someone on a full-ride exy scholarship, aaron doesn't like exy at all

thank god that marissa, who's been trying to be less of a bitch all night, bless her too, lets it slip that sav detests exy

"okay, i can't anymore. minyard, savannah actually hates exy and she hates the foxes too, but we're hoping that you're an exception."

aaron, holding back a laugh: honestly? same.

sav: oh thank fucking GOD we have something to talk about then

"yeah, the entire sport sucks, doesn't it? i literally play it at college level and i still have barely figured out the goddamn rules."

"exactly! and my entire family's fucking obsessed for some reason, it's so annoying! ugh and the foxes suck even more, they're all so goddamn rude for no reason. except maybe the cute goalie."

". . ."

"eww not your brother, i meant renee walker,, and maybe you're not too bad either, minyard."

"you flatter me."

katelyn watches their exchange with more than a little amusement. aaron's not smiling, but his features have softened and he's flushed from the alcohol he'd had and she can't rly believe that this is the boy who they all thought would break her heart

bcs later when aaron comes up to her with a cookie dough cupcake ( her favourite ) she didn't even know was served at the party, leans into her so his face is buried in her neck, whispers "thanks for taking me", when she takes in all her friends laughing and chatting and waving at her, when sav gives her a thumbs-up and nods to aaron, she's never felt more whole

like she was part of something bigger than herself

then aaron starts hanging around them more! yeah he saw the look on katelyn's face and he was going to TRY for her or so help him- usually just with katelyn, sav, and cleo

she invites him to the "family game night" sav is making them have, and he's like "sure why not."

he knocks on the door of sav and cleo's dorm and sav lets him in

"yo, minyard! glad you make it, katelyn's out on a donut run but she'll be back soon."

okay,, okay. so he'll,,, what? interact w people?? hell fucking no

then he realises that it's only cleo in the dorm, plugged into her headphones, playing mario kart, and thanks katelyn for ensuring there would only be ppl that like, he didn't mind

the other vixens were okay, but way too LOUD, and aaron wasn't rly up for spending a whole night w them

cleo hands him a controller, an invitation to play, and he takes it gratefully. he and cleo hadn't talked that much at the party, but she was perfectly tolerable so far, which was a good sign

and mario kart was a part of his childhood, one of the only few that nicky's parents had owned, so he and his cousin had spent hours curled up in front of tv trying to beat each other

even tho he beats nicky most of the time, cleo absolutely destroys him. he mentally tries to brush it off as him being rusty ( which he definitely is ) but damn, cleo's good. still, she brushes off the compliment when aaron blurts it out

okay so then katelyn comes back with like way too many donuts and they start playing monopoly gathered around the coffee table

sav insists on putting on some music. wannabe starts playing. she winks at aaron and aaron winks back, still not smiling. cleo snorts and katelyn kisses his cheek

listen, cleo is a monopoly master. soon, she owns over half the board and it's pretty clear she's gonna win, someone ( savannah riley jameson, everyone ) flips the board

"jameson, what the actual fuck."

"shut the hell up, minyard."

"come on, sav, i was winning!"

katelyn's trying to pick up all the pieces and aaron bends down to help her, shaking his head at sav, who pouts and joins them while cleo grins, headphones slung around her shoulders while she perches herself onto the arm of the settee and hums to wake me up before you go-go

next, sav begs them to play twister. cleo's great at most games, but she has a particular dislike for twister, so she's out quick

katelyn is super bendy, bcs she took gymnastics for years, and aaron holds his own surprisingly well, considering the fact that he's short as fuck

sav: katie, right hand red

katelyn, ending up right on top of a blushing aaron: okay, you're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

sav: i stopped spinning like 15 turns ago, i'm surprised you didn't notice sooner

eventually aaron collapses and katelyn is hailed as the queen of twister and they spend the next 10 minutes just calling out random spots for katelyn to try

she gets all of them, and aaron is actually smiling now and it doesn't matter that it's only a tiny quirk of his lips, it's something and katelyn cherishes it

they play some sort of surgeon simulator thingy next, and aaron "gonna be a future neurosurgeon" minyard is awesome at it, bcs duh

katelyn's not very good at this. her hands get SHAKY okay

cleo also sucks at this, bcs she keeps getting nervous and having muscle spasms. sav's just doing the dumbest shit bcs it's bringing aaron closer to the edge of cardiac arrest

aaron: jameson holy shit what are you DOING

sav, slicing open the spinal cord: okay so what if i take out the lungs through the back haha

and now sav is sulking over the fact that she hadn't absolutely murdered the others at a game

so she brings out the ultimate game. the game of bastards, one that tears families apart, sets friendships on fire, starts wars too gruesome to be started by anything other than this wretched, cursed artefact. . .

s c r a b b l e

aaron's already having war flashbacks. katelyn groans and goes to make popcorn, bcs this shit's gonna take FOREVER and she knows it. cleo, an english major, is preparing herself for battle with the force of nature that is savannah

"the fuck do you MEAN fergalicious isn't a word???"

"savannah, please."

"no, here, listen to this."

"sav, we were listening to that!" katelyn complains. sav sighs and switches the song back to her "90's bops" playlist, then changes it to "hell yeah feminism" which instantly starts playing run the world ( girls )

katelyn happily starts singing and aaron's not even reluctant to hum along

sav and cleo are still arguing. this has been going on for so long. sav looks ready to flip over the board again, so cleo does it first

katelyn: cleo what the heck

cleo, the tired mom friend: don't fucking curse

aaron is also tired, but in a good way, in kind of that soft lazy droopy way

he falls asleep leaning against the sofa and katelyn's shoulder, with god is a woman playing in the background while sav and cleo continue arguing. cleo is standing on the coffee table. it's true anarchy

he wakes up on the sofa with a blanket thrown over him and sunlight streaming in through the lacy curtains and katelyn making a complete mess of the kitchen in a futile attempt to make breakfast. sav and cleo are draped across each other on the floor

katelyn, struggling to pick up burning toast: morning babe, how did you sleep?

aaron, calmly using a pair of tongs: pretty well. who wants pancakes?

sav, instantly shooting up: DID YOU SAY PANCAKES

so he makes pancakes! nicky taught him as soon as he'd gained custody of the twins, so he's pretty much an expert. he tries to teach katelyn, but then just gives up bcs she's clearly not listening in favour of staring at him

and they all gather around the coffee table and cleo's humming along to the song on her headphones and wow these pancakes are rly good omg

while aaron is chatting to cleo about what video games they should play next, sav whispers, "kate finley, if you don't marry this boy just for his god-tier pancakes, i will."

"sav, you're a lesbian."

"not anymore, i've decided that i am pancake-sexual."

aaron hears all of this btw, bcs cleo stops when she hears them talking. he blushes, and smiles, just a little bit

( if anyone actually cares about this, tell me! shoot me an ask if there's any particular ask you want to see with these characters, or just the foxes! )

[etherealcheol-mp3]

Gotcha || knj

pairing: kim namjoon x reader

genre: fluff, slight angst, coffee shop/ bakery!au, e2l, neighbors!au, non-idol!au

warnings: none really, slow burn, enemies to lovers, mentions of death/ fire, mentions of panic attacks, hints towards sexual themes, pranks played against one another constantly, b a n t e r

words: 20.3K (it’s a monster, i’m so sorry)

summary: rival shops aren’t the worst things in life, but maybe their owners are. after a less than ideal first meeting, y/n swears kim namjoon off as their mortal enemy. this is tolerable, bearable even. nobody said they had to step foot in each other's shops, but what happens when the vacant apartment in their building gets filled with a noisy neighbor with constant….guests. and what happens when said neighbor is revealed to be none other than kim namjoon? prank wars and lots of meddling from best friends.

A/N: this story was originally posted on my instagram @/constellationkookie and my wattpad @/hoodftarreaga. this was also originally written for Calum Hood but I’m bts trash now and have no regrets:) -toro

 I’ve never had a constant variable in my life. Moving around as a kid and changing schools happens to have that effect on a person. You learn not to expect too much from a friendship that you try to make work over texts and slowly dwindling phone calls and you begin to search for things in life that can become constants in some way or another. My form of constant was as simple as flour, sugar, eggs, and butter. The basic, core ingredients to any baked good. No matter where I moved or who I did or didn’t talk to, I had baking. All I needed was flour, sugar, eggs, and butter and I was whisked away to the safety of my kitchen where I didn’t have to deal with the chaos surrounding me in the outside world.

I didn’t need a boyfriend, best friend, or school club like everyone else. I didn’t need anything that would ground me into my surroundings since it would only make leaving that much harder. However, sometimes certain people try their hardest to latch onto you and gain your trust. They make you feel comfortable and allow you to open up and be vulnerable around them. I was twenty years old and living in Seoul with this certain person who just so happened to be my first and only best friend, Mal. She stood by my side through thick and thin and supported me to follow my dreams and do what I never thought was possible: open up my own bakery. It was hard at first and very stressful, but the end result was well worth the sleepless nights and crying fits.

Sunrise Bakery was my pride and joy and very successful. The name was Mal’s idea as she saw ‘the sun was rising on the start of my new life’. Seven months in, everything was going great, but then slowly my regulars began to not be so regular. ‘Friends’ turned into strangers and it seemed like everyone in the city forgot. I tried just about everything in the books from sales to new recipes but nothing kept them back for long. It wasn’t until I heard about a new coffee shop in town that I started to get worried. The Hideout Cafe was new in town and conveniently just down the street from my bakery. 

“Are you still plotting,'' Mal called from behind me. I turned my attention to her and furrowed my brow. “I’m not plotting anything,” I stated defensively and started rolling out the previously abandoned dough on the counter.

Mal snorts and rolls her eyes playfully before taking a sip out of her coffee cup, I hadn’t noticed it before. “Sure because staring out your window to try and see what's going on in there isn’t creepy at all.” I ignore her comment and look at the sleeve on her coffee cup before realizing which logo was on it.

“You went there? And actually ordered something?” I say incredulously. Her eyes widen slightly before sighing and slumping her shoulders. 

“I’m sorry but their latte is amazing! I seriously don’t know how they do it like it’s insane. I know you have some personal vendetta against them but just check it out one time and you’ll see how stupid it is. Customers aren’t going to stop coming permanently to a bakery because of a coffee shop.” I tried to ignore her and go to the back of the shop but she gently grabbed my wrist and stopped me in my tracks. 

“Come on, Y/N, you’ve been working since you opened and it’s time for a break. Please? For me?” I huffed before finally looking over at her and giving in. She silently cheered as I untied my apron and turned the open sign before locking up. We headed down the street and stopped in front of the shiny, new Hideout Cafe. Walking inside felt wrong but also relieving as the shop took over my senses. The warm air inside tickled my face, cold from the winter breeze outside. The clatter of cutlery accompanying the scent of coffee beans and light chatter of patrons soothed my senses in an instant. 

I followed Mal to the register and looked up at the seemingly endless menu posted on the wall. It was written in varying colors of chalk along with the seamless flow of script font that spelled out “Today’s Specials”. Mal pushed me forward and my eyes met the face of a boy around my age. He looked slightly amused and had a brow ever so lightly quirked up as he looked at my most likely flustered state. I opened my mouth but no sounds came out.

“First time?” The barista let out in his low voice. I shakily nodded my head before averting my gaze elsewhere. “Can I have a name for the order?” The barista started tapping on the screen in front of him. “Uh, Y/N. Just checking out the competition” I suddenly spoke, effectively shocking myself and him. He furrowed his brow before smiling almost smugly. I thought I saw a hint of a dimple but my attention was drawn elsewhere as he spoke again. 

“Oh, you must work at that dumb little bakery down the road. What is it? Moonlight or something?” I scoffed at his words and felt anger rush through my veins. “I happen to own that very successful bakery. And it’s Sunrise.” I spoke confidently.

“It’s irrelevant. It’ll probably be shut down in three months max at the rate of our shop. But hey it’s nice of you to add to the steady demise of your own bakery by buying something from us. What would you like? Pumpkin spice latte?” He spoke with such ease it infuriated me to no end. 

I turned away from the register to find Mal and leave as soon as possible. I knew coming here was a horrible idea and the sooner I left the better. I found Mal standing by the area to pick up drinks ‘talking’ to another male barista. I walked up next to her and waited for her to look at me but it seemed the only things on her mind were the warm eyes and cocky smirk adorned by plush lips on the other side of the counter. I cleared my throat and stepped closer to her and gained her attention only to lose it two seconds later as she turned back to the boy and introduced me to him.

“This is Y/N, it’s her first time here.” She spoke sweetly and I tried not to gag but the instinct was harder to resist as the barista from before walked up with a drink in hand with a smirk on his face. “Pumpkin spice latte for Y/N. Don’t worry, it’s on the house.” He winked at me before walking away and I scowled at his retreating figure. The barista with warm eyes laughed lightly before speaking, “Well it seems you made friends with our owner, Namjoon.”

Namjoon. Namjoon...blank. I don’t know much about him but I know the important things. He’s the owner of the Hideout Cafe. The self-righteous asshole who took it upon himself to spite me by not only making a basic drink that I will never admit to drinking half of, but also by misspelling my name. As soon as I noticed the lazy scrawl on the side of the cup with a lopsided smiley face next to it, I texted the photographic evidence to Mal and promptly trashed the drink.

I felt a heavy weight on my chest for the rest of the day and couldn’t seem to keep the scowl off my face as I suspiciously looked down the street. I tried to ignore the cocky smirk and the harsh words from earlier by rolling out dough and frosting cupcakes but something about the situation just didn’t sit right with me. Before I could overanalyze or create more conspiracy theories to add to my growing list (42 currently reside on this list and they all seem somewhat plausible) closing time for the bakery came and I started to clean up before walking home. 

My eyes felt droopy as I leaned against the elevator wall. The steady motion was quickly luring me to sleep but I forced my head to face forward as the doors opened and my bed became that much closer. I fumbled with my keys a bit before dropping them on the floor in front of my apartment. I grumbled out a curse before successfully entering and falling into bed after changing my flour ridden clothes. I fell asleep almost instantly and waited to be awoken by the sun through my blinds.

Except that’s not what happened. I awoke at 3:04 am to a loud blaring and lights flashing in my room. I groggily sat up before realizing what was happening. The fire alarm. My eyes widened and I jumped from my bed, grabbing my phone and the first pair of shoes I saw before bolting to my front door. I turned to my left to run to the stairway when I collided with a firm blur and stumbled backward. My vision was still slightly spinning before I heard the voice start to apologize. 

“Ah, shit. Sorry I didn’t see where I was going. I just moved in here and don’t know where to go.” That voice. The voice I had on repeat all afternoon after I left his shop. The voice of Namjoon. Namjoon Last-name.

I opened my eyes and saw him sleepily staring back at me before his ever-present smirk took over his face again. I groaned and threw my head back, begging the universe to tell me this was a joke but the semi hoarse laughter in front of me proved otherwise. 

“Nice slippers, Moonlight” I looked down and saw my fuzzy mermaid slippers on my feet. I let out a huff as I looked at him again before seeing it. His body was completely bare except for the black boxers and single sock on his right foot. My throat dried up and my eyes widened at the sight. I shook my head as the current situation sunk back in. Fire alarm, fire, danger, get to the stairs, get to safety. I ran past him to the stairway and didn’t look back. I couldn’t get stuck up there, I can’t. Visions of thick, black smoke and watery eyes flashed in my mind and my breathing picked up speed. Don’t think, just run.

I found my way to the ground floor and was greeted by a hoard of grumpy, tired people in pajamas crowding the entrance. I tried to squeeze my way through to the exit but as soon as I reached it a hand grabbed my wrist and I yelped before trying to pull my hand free. The hand let go almost instantly and I fearfully looked up only to see Namjoon again looking at me confused. I turned my head away from him and held my wrist close to my chest. 

“Woah, no need to freak out. It was a false alarm but I saw you running for the exit and wanted to stop you.” I dropped my arms and looked at him before seeing the hint of concern lacing his features. I chose to ignore it and said what I had first thought when I saw him in my hallway. 

“Why are you here and why are you naked?” The monotone delivery caught him off guard as his eyebrows raised and he chuckled at me. Those damn dimples proudly being displayed. “You must not have heard me earlier. I just moved in and it’s three in the morning so I was sleeping. This is how I sleep, well except for the boxers anyways.” He smirked again and I tried my hardest to not slap it off his face. I chose to roll my eyes instead and questioned him further.

“What apartment are you?” He had a devious glint in his eyes and I knew what he was thinking. “I’m not asking for that. You were in my hall so I want to know which door to avoid.” He squinted his eyes at me but the boyish grin on his face stayed. He looked me up and down and I crossed my arms over my chest, blushing at the intensity of his gaze. “5B.” He finally stated and I groaned in defeat at his answer. Of course, he lived there. 5B had been vacant for as long as I had lived in this building and I always hoped it would stay that way. “Well what about you,” he started,”which apartment is yours?” I brushed past him and walked to the elevator. The lobby had significantly cleared out since I got there and I decided I would rather sleep than talk to Namjoon Insert-Name-Here. 

The doors opened and I pressed the button for the fifth floor as Namjoon walked on and stared at me. I ignored him and his piercing gaze the entire ride up but he seemed to think this through as he motioned for me to exit first when we reached our floor. “Ladies first,” he said smugly and I grumbled to myself as I walked to my apartment. The number and letter on my door seemed to be mocking me as I stopped in front of them. I heard Namjoon trying to hold back his laughter to my right as he spoke. “Oh, Moonlight, this is gonna be fun.” He opened his door and walked in, leaving me to sulk in the hallway by myself. I banged my head against the door of 5C and felt the urge to scream. Namjoon...whatever his last name was, is going to be the death of me.

I didn’t sleep much after the fire alarms blaring that night. My thoughts were racing much too fast to grant me any type of peace. In fact, I hardly slept at all the few days after that night due to Namjoon constantly having friends over and yelling or blaring music at alarming volumes all night long. I walked groggily down the street to my bakery and fumbled for the keys in my bag. I let out a stream of curses under my breath as they fell to the ground, a seemingly new trait I had developed due to no sleep, and sighed as I leaned to pick them up. I could already tell this day would not be fun.

Customers filed through the shop door and the smell of sugar filled my senses until Mal walked in for her shift clutching two coffee cups. I narrowed my eyes at her cheery smile and the two cups in her hands. “You seriously stopped by that shop again? And you bought me a drink?” I questioned incredulously. Mal playfully rolled her eyes as she walked behind the counter without a care in the world.

“I just so happened to walk in to talk to Jimin and get my regular when a certain someone handed me another on the house.” Mal wiggled her eyebrows as she slid one of the cups towards me. I furrowed my brow, “Jimin? I’ve never heard you talk about them before. And if you’re trying to be subtle and make me guess how you managed to flirt with one guy while charming another so much that he bought you a free drink, it’s not working.” Mal chuckled lightly before shaking her head and explaining.

“You do know Jimin, you two met that day we went to check out the Hideout. He asked me out when I stopped by today and after I agreed your neighbor stopped by to ask me to give you this. Have anything to share, Y/N?” She tapped the lid of the cup and based on the tone she used and the faux innocence in her wide eyes, I knew she was trying to not scream at me for not instantly telling her Namjoon was my neighbor. Or she was trying not to laugh. Laughing seemed to be all the universe was doing to me recently.

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply “Unfortunately yes. I found out last week that we live next door to each other.” I could only grumble the words that left a bitter taste in my mouth. Namjoon always seemed to have that effect on me. The fact that he even had an effect on me made it worse. I opened my eyes to see Mal smirking at me while she continuously shifted her gaze to the cup that seemingly shifted closer to my hand resting on the counter.

I picked up the cup slowly, scared it would explode or an animal would come out and attack me at any sudden movement. I saw the messy handwriting on the side that was slowly becoming familiar and felt my blood boil at what it read. My name wasn’t too complicated but once again he had seemed to misspell it so bad that it almost had to be done on purpose. Mal was struggling to hold back her giggles and I glared at her. “You can’t seriously be that mad at him, it’s funny!” She spoke defensively. I threw my head back in defeat and groaned before starting to walk towards the kitchen. 

“But I can be because he’s a self righteous jerk who only cares about himself and doesn’t even try to be a decent human being and spell a name right. I swear, every single thing he does makes me want to scream.” I finally vented as Mal followed me. “I bet he wants to make you scream,” Mal states smugly, making me glare at her over my shoulder before she changed the subject, “So what are you gonna do about it?” She questioned me and I turned to face her with confusion etched across my face. “You keep complaining about the guy and you just let him keep getting to you. You need to annoy him back or at least let him know you’re not going down without a fight. And I’m only saying this since apparently hate sex is off the table.”

I thought for a minute and it didn’t seem like a bad idea. Better than the latter one at least. “I don’t even know what I would do. I can hardly face him without wanting to run away and yell into my pillow.” I was whining and I knew it but in my defense it was true. If I had to look at Namjoon whatever his last name was smirking at me with those dimples one more time I was going to lose it. Mal’s eyes slightly widened and her grin started to grow as I felt fear rise in me. She had an idea and it would most likely end up with injury or prison.

“You live next door to the guy. And his shop is down the road. There’s nothing wrong with a little prank to tell him to back off.” I crossed my arms and opened my mouth to protest only to close it as her words really hit me. It really wasn’t the worst idea ever. I would have to think everything through and leave no room for mistake but he had to know it was me. I had to give him the sign to back off but I couldn’t anger him too much. Luckily though Mal was already listing ideas before I could think of any on my own.

I cut her off after hearing the words ‘peanut butter’, ‘toilet paper’ and ‘hedge clipper’ by putting my hand out and laughing. “Let’s start off tame first. I can barely think straight after getting no slee-'' I suddenly stopped speaking and smiled largely. I knew what I wanted to do but I had to make sure it was perfect. 

I checked the clock on the microwave one more time as I started to get nervous. It was 4:03AM and Namjoon’s front door had closed roughly thirty minutes ago. I hadn’t heard any noise from his apartment aside from the shower and shuffling around. Suddenly I had found benefits to paper thin walls. Everything was perfect and now it was time to set my plan into motion. I loudly swung open my cabinets and turned on my bluetooth speaker as music started to fill the spaces around me. I dropped some metal pans on the floor and slammed a cookie sheet onto my counter for good measure before grabbing my ingredients. I would’ve worried about other neighbors complaining but I thankfully had an apartment on the corner of the hall. Only Namjoon would be able to hear the noise I made.

 I worked loudly and sang along to the music coming from my speakers. Soon enough the electric mixer was loudly whirring and the oven was beeping to alert me of the temperature being reached. I had just aggressively closed the oven door when I heard a harsh banging at my door. I smiled and ignored it. I had riskily left the front door unlocked and just as I had assumed, Namjoon Last Name raced into my apartment after knocking and being ignored once again. 

He walked to my kitchen and found my speaker, quickly turning it off. I didn’t even glance up at him once as he breathed heavily through his nose and stared at me. “Do you have any idea what fucking time it is?” He spoke angrily and I tried not to laugh. “Yep” I replied coolly. “What are you do- are you baking a cake? It’s 4am. Why are you baking a cake? And what’s with the party decorations?” He spoke confusedly as he looked around at the streamers and balloons decorating my apartment. “I’m celebrating the death of my sleep schedule and sanity. Want a cookie?” 

I finally looked at him and kept a straight face as his jaw hung open and his eyes narrowed. “A cookie? No I don’t want a fucking cookie. What the fuck is wrong with you?” He threw his hands up and looked at me like I was crazy. I think I probably was after almost a week of no sleep, but I kept up the act. “You sound tense. The cupcakes should be done soon, maybe they’ll help you loosen up.” Namjoon huffed and talked to me like I was a child. “I’m pissed. You can’t just fucking make all the noise in the world at 4AM and expect everyone to sleep through it and be okay with it-”

I pointed my rubber spatula at him and glared, effectively cutting him off. “Why not? It’s all you seem to do every night when you have friends over and scream at a television for four hours straight.” I stuck a finger into the frosting I was in the process of creating and put it in my mouth to suck the frosting off. “Needs more vanilla” I mumbled to myself. I still had some left on my finger and stuck out my tongue to effectively lick the rest of it off and went back to mixing. Namjoon was silent. After a minute of ignoring him I looked up, almost expecting him to be gone but there he was. His jaw was tense and his eyes slightly wide while his eyebrows almost raised to the top of his head. 

He looked away as I met his eye and grunted out a “Just keep it down okay?” Before bolting out the door and leaving me confused in my kitchen. I put some plastic wrap over my frosting and put the cupcakes onto a cooling rack before retiring to my bed for a few hours of sleep. Namjoon was on my mind though. He seemed to leave pretty quickly and I wondered if I had gone too far. Did I get him too angry? Did I cross a line with what I said? I pushed away those thoughts since I was only doing and saying what he had to me. It couldn’t be that bad. 

Could it?

I slept surprisingly well after Namjoon left. My alarm greeted me only a few, short hours later, however, I felt like I had slept for years. I took a quick shower and started to get ready for the day when I heard movement through the thin walls of my bedroom. Namjoon was awake. Namjoon. My eyes widened at the thought of him and his probable reaction to my little prank last night. My heart beat started to accelerate ever so slightly as I hurriedly finished getting ready.

I slowly opened my bedroom door and peeked my head out slowly. I turned to thoroughly inspect every hidden corner for anything Namjoon could have planted while I was sleeping but found nothing. Nevertheless I was still paranoid. I walked to my kitchen quickly and grabbed a granola bar before slipping on my shoes and heading to the door. I was ready to get to my shop and away from the close proximity of him.

I felt my phone vibrate rapidly in my pocket and groaned as I barely had enough energy and concentration to focus on getting my shoes on the right feet. I saw Mal’s name on the screen and answered quickly. I couldn’t even get a word in as she instantly greeted me with a warm “Where the hell are you?!” and I winced as I pulled the phone away from my poor ear.

“I’m leaving the apartment? Same time as usual.” I stated tiredly. Mal wasted no time as she once again responded too loudly for this hour. “You forgot what day it is, didn’t you?” I froze at her words and pulled my phone away to see the date on the screen. A bold ‘February 4th’ stared back at me and my eyes widened once again that morning. Shit.

Ever since we became friends, Mal and I had created a tradition. On the same day every year we would meet up and spend the day together doing whatever we needed at the time. Some years we went shopping for dates we had or prom dresses, others we stayed at home doing face masks and watching Queer Eye and some harder years we ate ice cream and vented about how much life sucked and how glad we were to have each other. The most important year though was when we moved out to Seoul together after graduating college and saving up money for plane tickets and moving expenses. This day was our day and it always had been, it was more important than some official holidays to us and it was today. February 4th. 

“I love you?” I tried pathetically and Mal laughed at my response, already knowing I had forgotten. Thankfully she wasn’t angry with me as she playfully replied, “You move out of our place for three months and suddenly you forget the most important day of the year.” I laughed but couldn’t help the guilt I felt weighing me down. Mal was my best friend, my rock and I wouldn’t be doing half of the things I had accomplished without her by my side. 

Seemingly reading my mind Mal spoke softly, “Don’t feel bad Y/N/N, I’ve easily forgotten at least four times in the past. I’m coming by yours in a bit and we can decide what the plan is from there.” I smiled even though she couldn’t see it and we said our goodbyes before hanging up. I walked to the front door to be ready to meet her in the lobby as she wasn’t too far from me. I went to lock my door but decided against it as we probably would just end up there for the day and walked to the elevator. 

“Junk food and netflix?” Mal spoke as I opened her car door and got in. I eagerly agreed and we headed to our first stop: the closest convenience store. It easily was the most cost effective option and yet another monument of our friendship. Whenever we were bored or wanted to hang out we always ended up at the closest convenience store and always bought too many things (mainly snacks) we didn’t need. It was always worth it.

After spending too much time and money we headed back to Mal’s apartment and got ready to spend the day together. We pulled up ‘After’ on Netflix because we knew how bad it would be and wanted to laugh at ourselves and each other for reading the original Harry Styles fanfic the movie was based on. After pausing the movie a million times to laugh and talk about what chapter this would be, Mal turned to me and spoke genuinely, “How are you today?” I sighed and looked her in the eye. I smiled as big as I could and told her the truth. “Could be better. It’s always going to be hard though and my neighbor really isn’t helping things.” 

February 4th wasn’t a randomly chosen date. It was a date chosen to help me be prepared for another significant date just around the corner. Mal smiled and nodded in understanding before speaking again, “What would be best for us to do the rest of today?” This is why I loved Mal. She knew the real reason why this day was created and she still never tried to do what she thought I needed to have fun or be okay with it or even ignore it. She always wanted to make sure I was doing what I needed for myself.

I smiled again, larger this time and told her gratefully, “Honestly watching ‘This Is Us’ and crying over One Direction sounds great right now.” We laughed before we pulled the movie and cuddled up together under the blankets. I was so lucky.

I got back to my apartment around 9pm that night with a smile on my face. Today was great and I knew it would help me be prepared for the next important day. I went to unlock my door but it was already unlocked. I froze as I remembered not locking it this morning in case we ended up here and felt my heart drop as I heard the TV on inside. I knew I didn’t leave it on this morning as I hardly used it in general and I braced myself as I slowly opened the door, ready to face whatever burglar or serial killer was inside. Only it was worse.

Namjoon was relaxed and sprawled out on my couch with his feet on the coffee table in front of him. He had a mug with tea in it next to his feet and I gaped at him. He turned to me as he heard the door open and smiled smugly at my expression. “Oh, hey you’re back.” He turned back to the TV and I was too shocked to move from my place in the doorway. He spoke casually like he had every right to be in there. “You know, you should probably stop leaving your door unlocked. You never know what creep or weirdo could walk in.” He took a sip of his tea and raised his brows at me. 

I started to mutter out a response but he stood from the couch and cut me off from my stuttering. “I just want to apologize for keeping you up last week. It’s not cool and I learned my lesson completely. It won’t happen again.” He spoke sincerely and it was honestly scary to hear him talk without sounding sarcastic or cruel. I narrowed my eyes at him and spoke in disbelief, “Really? So...we’re cool?” Namjoon laughed genuinely with his award winning dimples in view as I arched my brow in confusion. He patted my shoulder as he replied. “Yeah, we’re cool.”

With that he walked past me and out the door, closing it behind him and calling for me to “Make sure you lock it”. I looked around my apartment for anything that seemed broken or tampered with to ignore the pounding of my heart and the heat that lingered where his hand was. After coming up empty handed I was confused. Surely he would’ve tried to get me back. Maybe I was wrong about him. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone so far like I did and just talked to him. I sighed and groaned as I felt guilt start to swallow me up again that day. 

It wasn’t until I moved to get ready for bed that I saw I had no need to feel guilty at all. I was right about him. I should’ve gone further than what I did because he did get me back. He had replaced something of mine I hadn’t thought of before and it was way worse than I could’ve imagined. Sitting innocently on top of my dresser was a little note with his messy scrawl reading ‘Gotcha ;)’ and I panicked. I looked through all my shirts, pants, socks but found nothing until I looked in the last drawer. I gasped as I saw his handiwork and couldn’t believe it. He had replaced my entire underwear collection with brand new, lacy thongs.

To say I was fuming would be an understatement. Not only had he completely invaded my privacy but he had touched and stolen things that were for my eyes only. I had to use every ounce of strength in my body to not feel embarrassed that he had seen my lackluster collection since that was not the issue here. I couldn’t just ask him to give them back and at the moment putting on my dirty pair I discarded after the quick shower I had taken was also not an option. I swallowed my pride and slipped a lacy red thong with floral details up my legs and dove into bed hoping to forget my day and have sleep take over me.

Shockingly, I seemed to once again be the only one who found my situation infuriating. Mal was practically suffering the next morning as she tried to hold in her laughter at my explanation of the night before. My glare did nothing to ease her laughter that had finally bubbled out of her loudly and I brushed past her into the kitchen in my shop. I ignored her wheezing as I pulled out the bowls and ingredients for the day. Today called for a new creation and ultimate focus since all I could think of was the fact that I could feel the soft material of my sundress against just about every part of me.

Tying my apron around my waist, I got to work. I started with cupcakes as I was constantly out of stock of my new flavor “Maliblue”. It was a spring themed cupcake with lemon flavored cake and a blueberry frosting. The hoards of college students on spring break back at home posting pictures at beaches inspired the name and surprisingly it sold well for a small bakery in Korea. As I placed my first batch in the oven I got to thinking on what to do next. I wanted something new and good. 

Before I could clearly think out any ideas I started grabbing ingredients and let my body work for me. Mal walked back, seemingly calmed down and ready to let me vent. “Alright I’m sorry but you can not tell me you don't see any humor in this!” 

I rolled my eyes and pushed a stubborn strand of hair back behind my ear as I worked on the mystery item in front of me. “Honestly I don’t see any humor in him discovering my granny panty collection.” I murmured under my breath. My eyes widened as I spoke and I hoped she hadn’t heard me, but as her smile widened and she crossed her arms over her chest smugly I knew the damage was done. “So that’s why you’re upset. You’re embarrassed cause the guy you like saw your underwear and now he probably doesn't think you’re sexy. I mean it’s understandable.” 

I fought the urge to wipe her smug grin off her face and instead spoke in a tone way too defensive “I do not like him and couldn’t give two shits if he thought I was sexy.” This only made her grin widen even further and my growing blush worsen. I groaned at the sight and went back to mixing the batter in front of me. I apparently was in a cupcake mood as that’s what I decided to make with it.

“What are you making?” Mal questioned as I moved to grab some cream cheese and raspberries from the fridge and I shrugged in response because I truly didn’t know. I had finished the chocolate cake batter and now started on a filling. I heard Mal’s phone buzz and she grabbed it at lightning speed while smiling at her screen. I raised my eyebrows in reaction to her sudden movement and she gave me an apologetic glance before hurriedly typing out a response. It was now my turn to question her and she seemed to realize this as she innocently looked at me before trying to dip her finger in the chocolate batter.

I swatted her hand away and put my hands on my hips while tilting my head at her accusingly. She sighed and started to blush before I even asked the question she knew was on my mind. “So who is he?” I suddenly spoke and Mal flushed even further before smiling and quietly muttering “Jimin” in response. I kind of expected his name even though I constantly teased her for ‘liking the enemy’. Before I could question her further though, the oven dinged and the front door swung open against the bells above it, signalling a new customer. “Literally saved by the bell.” I spoke as I went to the oven.

She darted to the front of the store leaving me confused as she never was excited to greet customers. I shook it off and pulled the cupcakes from the oven, continuing to mix the filling for my new batch as they cooled. After placing the chocolate batter in a greased tin and placing them in the oven, I walked out of the kitchen, wiping my hands on my apron, and froze. Of course it wasn’t just a customer that had come in. It was Jimin and behind him stood an amused looking Namjoon. I rolled my eyes at the sight and overheard Mal and Jimin talking about their plans for the evening. I smiled slightly hearing them so excited and watching them act like love sick puppies.

“Wow you sure know how to greet your customers huh?” Spoke a familiar voice and my smile vanished. I still hadn’t come up with my plan to get him back and I honestly didn’t have the patience to face him while wearing lace. That he had bought.

“I wouldn’t consider you a customer, more like a nuisance.” I spoke boldly and his signature wicked grin appeared. Before he could speak up again Mal put her hand on my shoulder. “I’ve just had a great idea.” She spoke loudly, gaining everyone's attention. “Oh no.” I mumbled at the glint in her eyes. “Why don’t you and Namjoon join me and Jimin tonight? I’m sure staying here all night can’t possibly be better than mini golf and ice cream.” She spoke sweetly but I knew better. 

Jimin instantly agreed and I saw a similar look of dread on Namjoon’s face as I turned to face him. It quickly vanished though as he replaced it with a cocky smirk and made eye contact with me as she spoke “That is a great idea. It’s a date.” I almost choked on my spit at his words but before I could retort, he glanced at his watch and got Jimin’s attention as they had to head back to their shop. “See you at closing, Moonlight.” He winked after his words and was out the door. I saw Mal turn to me with eyebrows raised and knew she was going to question the nickname but the oven dinged once again and I sheepishly told her, “Saved by the bell?”

I had finished my new cupcakes and placed them out to be sold when shockingly they sold out. I had to remake them twice throughout the day but had yet to come up with a name for them. Before I could though, it was closing time and Jimin and Namjoon had come back to the shop, ready to go mini golfing. I cursed myself for wearing a short sundress and jean jacket as Seoul decided wind was a great idea tonight. I locked the door to the shop and we headed off. Before we got too far, however, Namjoon pulled me back to walk with him and leaned into my ear as he spoke “Hope you’re wearing one of my presents tonight under that dress, Moonlight.” I felt my jaw drop as he let go of my arm and innocently smiled before walking off to join Jimin and Mal.

This was going to be a long night.

Walking to mini golf felt like an eternity with Namjoon standing next to me, towering over my frame, and with Mal and Jimin giggling and holding hands in front of us. I didn’t realize I was staring at them until a chuckle sounded from next to me. “What?” I asked him questioningly. He smiled softly at me and I felt my heart clench at the sight. This was the first time he had looked at me with anything other than cockiness or venom in his eyes. I brushed off the feeling as shock and waited for him to reply. 

“You just had a funny face is all. You looked bored, angry and like you were plotting some evil plan all at once.” He spoke jokingly and I sighed at his answer. “Why does everyone say that?” I groaned and Namjoon looked at me confused but intrigued. I answered the question I knew he was about to ask, “Everyone says I look like I’m plotting something and I never am. I don’t plot anything. Ever.” Namjoon just laughed lightly at that and looked up at the setting sun.

“If it means anything, you look cute when you plot how to escape third-wheeling. You furrow your eyebrows and squint your eyes and get all focused.” He looked sheepish as he finished his statement and scratched at his neck before he shoved his hands in his pockets. I felt heat rise to my cheeks and cleared my throat before retorting. “Don’t think you can just try to smooth talk me and make me forgive you for your little prank last night.” I sounded much more confident than I felt and I praised whatever higher power for giving me that strength.

Namjoon smirked but it wasn’t cocky like it usually was. He hung his head down and shook his head while smiling, dimples proudly on display. We were quiet for a while after that but soon we were at the mini golf place and practically pulled inside by Mal and Jimin. The interior was dark and covered in blacklights and neon paints lit up the otherwise hidden walls and courses. Jimin paid for Mal and I went to grab my wallet when Namjoon stopped me with his question of “What color ball do you want, Moonlight?”. I quirked a brow at him in slight protest before he tilted his head at me in response and sighed out a ‘green’ in indignation.

He grinned in triumph as he received our balls and the score card from the teenage cashier. He tossed me my green ball which I easily caught and rolled my eyes as he led me to the first hole. My worn, white shoes lit up under the lights as well as Namjoon’s shirt under his flannel and warm looking jacket. He boyishly smiled at the sight and his eyes widened as he did so. I couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of him acting like a little kid and he looked like a deer in headlights as he realized he was caught. 

I placed my ball down after Mal hugged a blushing Jimin for getting a hole in one and was ready to give a half assed attempt at hitting the ball before Namjoon asked in shock “What are you doing?” like I was committing a crime. I stood up straight in confusion and lazily gestured to my ball before responding plainly “Playing mini golf. It’s not like I’m trying to win or anything.” I leaned back over before he moved towards me. I stood up again and held out my hand for him to stop before speaking again.

“No. Absolutely not. You’re not about to pull some cheesy rom com bullshit on me where the guy goes behind the girl to ‘help with her technique’. Go stand by that neon pink dick on the wall and look pretty while I take five attempts at getting this ball in the hole.” I pointed my finger at the wall as I spoke and he laughed loudly at my speech before raising his hands in surrender and stepping close to the wall with said spray painted neon pink dick. He crossed his arms and challenged me with his eyes to do as I said I would.

“Thank you.” I curtsied in my sundress and he laughed in response. It took me four tries before I finished while Namjoon got it in two and we walked to the next hole before realizing Mal and Jimin were far ahead of us. I sighed at the sight of the next 17 holes and Namjoon nudged me with his elbow. “You know, the tickets for mini golf also came with unlimited arcade credits.” he pointed his head in the direction of the arcade on the other side of the courses. I smiled and started walking towards the bright lights and sounds of the games being played before speaking over my shoulder “I’ll kick your ass in skeeball.” 

“You’re a cheater.” Namjoon spoke grumpily as I won another game and beat him. We played a few rounds of skeeball then moved on to air hockey where he destroyed me and I sulked until we played mario kart where I came in second to him again. I pouted until he led me to the basketball game where I beat his ass twice. 

I laughed at his words as we walked to the counter for prizes. “I never cheat. You just chose to get your ass handed to you by a girl. It’s okay, Joon. Happens to the best of us.” He stopped moving and smiled and I grabbed his wrist to drag him to the counter before dropping all our tickets onto it. “Stop smiling like a doofus and get me that angry minion.” I put my hands on my hips as I spoke and he looked at the worker before saying “You heard the lady.” and pushing our tickets to them. 

He kept smiling and looking at his shoes as if they were incredibly interesting before I flicked his shoulder and asked him “What are you smiling at?” He shook his head and grabbed the minion from the employee’s hand and mine in his other hand. I blushed lightly at the sudden contact and moved to keep up with him. “You called me Joon. It’s cute. I usually reserve that nickname for family and close friends so the fact I’m not throwing your ass outside and blocking off all contact with you is a shock to us all.”

I laughed at his statement and we soon ran into Mal and Jimin who looked equally smug and love sick as ever. Mal looked down to our still interlocked hands and I quickly withdrew mine from Namjoon’s grasp before speaking. “So. Ice cream anyone?”

The walk to the parlor was quiet and Namjoon looked deep in thought as his hands were shoved in his pockets and his brows were furrowed. The ice cream shop we were going to wasn’t even a real shop as it was a cart with outdoor seating under strung lights and wooden beams. The wind had only gotten worse as the night went on so the cold was brutal against my exposed skin. I pulled my surprisingly thin jean jacket tight around my frame and moved my hands quickly up and down my arms in an attempt to gain some warmth. Suddenly a hand stopped my quick movements and I was pulled into a firm body. I looked up in shock as Namjoon hugged me tightly against him and wrapped his arms around my waist.

I tried to push away from him but he was so warm I was finding it hard to resist. “Stop pushing, Moonlight. Put your arms inside my jacket, it’ll warm you up.” I eyed him suspiciously and he sighed before rolling his eyes and starting to pull away. I practically shouted in protest as I felt the sudden frigid wind hit me again. I hesitantly listened to him and leaned fully against him with my arms inside of his incredibly warm jacket.

“Who’s bullshit idea was it to get ice cream outside.” I grumbled against his chest. I felt the vibrations of him laughing at my words and felt soothed at the sensation. I closed my eyes and released a breath I hadn’t known I was holding in. His arms rubbed up and down my back and I felt tension leave my body as we started to sway side to side. “I’m still pissed at you.” I spoke again and I felt him look down at me. I met his amused eyes and put my chin on his chest as I looked up at him. “Damn, you mean my plan to woo you and make you fall for me so you’ll forget how mad you are hasn’t worked yet?” 

I smiled at him and breathily laughed before speaking with new found confidence. “Barely. It might’ve worked if I wasn’t wearing red lace all day with no one to admire. It’s frustrating really. If only I were wooed.” 

Nobody could have prepared me for the absolute chaos that came from joining Jimin and Mal on their date. It was only the next morning and my phone hadn’t stopped buzzing due to texts and calls from Mal. I only briefly glanced at them before I went to sleep the night before and knew she was begging for “details” of the night she imagined happened. Namjoon had walked me back to our building after we finished up our ice cream. We walked in silence with our hands brushing slightly with every sudden movement. After a few blocks I crossed my arms over my chest, too high off the feeling of his skin against mine, no matter how miniscule and told myself it was due to how cold I was. 

I was utterly dumbfounded. Yes, Namjoon was undeniably attractive and we had gotten along well throughout our night together but he was still Namjoon. The guy stealing my business, my noisy neighbor who replaced all my underwear, the jerk who couldn’t even attempt to spell my name right, Namjoon. He made my blood boil and my heart race but it was beginning to get confusing as I couldn’t distinguish the anger for something else. We parted ways as he stopped in front of his door and I kept walking to mine. I thought he was about to speak but I had already opened my door and rushed in before he could utter a single syllable.

Sleep didn’t come easy, and before I knew it I had tossed and turned until 5am. I sighed and pushed myself up to get ready. I clearly wasn’t going to rest and the only form of relaxation I knew was a few blocks down the road. I shrugged on my clothes after a quick shower and grabbed my keys before heading out. I froze as I heard the door next to mine open as I was locking my own and willed myself to not look at him as I heard the footsteps suddenly stop just like mine had.

I finished locking my door and turned in the direction of the elevator without making any effort to actually walk towards it. Namjoon quickly closed and locked his door and suddenly we were in a silent battle of who would speak first. Shy glances and nervous movements could only do so much and he seemed to grow tired of it as he spoke up first. “Early morning?” He asked as he reached up to scratch at the back of his neck awkwardly. It seemed to be a nervous habit of his but before I could think about what that made me feel I responded. “Couldn’t sleep.” I spoke sheepishly and played with my hands in front of me.

I took in a breath and looked up with a smile as I walked to the elevator behind him. He joined me and soon the doors were closing behind us. “Was I too loud or anything? I was kinda up all night too. Just...thinking.” He grew quiet as he finished and I assured him it had nothing to do with him. At least I think so. We once again started walking down the road to our respective shops by each other's side. Our hands brushed again and I praised the yawn that left my body as it gave me an excuse to move my hand away from his. He looked over at me and once again looked like he wanted to say something. This time, however, I let him say what was on his mind.

“Do you maybe want a coffee? I mean that’s at least why I left my place.” I looked up at him and blinked away the tears that had formed due to my yawning and saw something flash in his eyes and a small smile grow on his face. I was hesitant to spend more time alone with him but before I could deny him another yawn left me and he chuckled. “Come on, Moonlight, I think I know a good place.”

We made our way to the Hideout Cafe and he grabbed the keys from his back pocket before holding the door open for me. I smiled at him in thanks and took in the coffee shop once again. It was different at this time of day. The chairs were stacked up and pushed against the walls along with the wooden tables, the dim lights were calming as the sun had yet to rise and fill up the shop with its bright rays. Namjoon moved easily behind the counter and turned on some machines I didn’t recognize. I stood next to the door taking in all the artwork and posters lining the walls before I noticed a section at the corner of the shop. There was a wooden ledge lining the corner covered in pillows and soft looking blankets. The lights hanging above it made it look inviting and I slowly walked towards the bookcases on the wall next to the makeshift reading nook.

I looked at the familiar and unknown titles until I heard Namjoon call for me. I turned to answer him only to see him walking towards me. “I didn’t see this here the first time I came.” I spoke softly and he smiled at me before pulling a book off the ledge and placing it on the shelf where it belonged. “When I bought this place the corner seat was already here so it just felt right to add everything else.” He shrugged as he spoke but the almost longing look he wore towards the books told me there was something more to his story.

He turned to me again as he spoke “What would you like?” and his right arm stretched out to the chalkboard menu above the counter. I walked with him to stand in front of it to get a better look but couldn’t decide. I bit down on my lip in concentration as I tried to figure out something right to order. I didn’t want to get something embarrassing and ‘basic’ but I wanted something that tasted good. Namjoon stood next to me and looked at the side of my face before I decided to say what I thought was a good answer. “Surprise me.”

And surprise me, he definitely did. I moved to lean against the counter as I watched him work. We talked about random facts and our favorite things and every few minutes I would ask what he was making before he would continue to avoid my question. After a seemingly never ending wait he handed me my to go cup with steam and an addicting aroma wafting up to my nose. He already looked smug before I even took a sip and I knew it was going to be good. I took the lid off to let it cool off and smell it clearly. Fed up with my stalling, Namjoon rolled his eyes and ordered me to drink it. I huffed out a sigh and did as he said. I was right. It was good. Before I could stroke his ego with my full review of the magical drink in my hands I had to open up my own shop.

That didn’t cause the image of him smirking and calling out to me “Bye, Moonlight.” to leave my mind for the rest of the day. If anything it only made me long to see him even sooner. Mal had burst into the shop on schedule and I prepared myself for her interrogation. “Well you two were certainly cozy last night. It’s truly amazing how well you can get along with others when you aren’t trying to rip their head off.” I rolled my eyes before changing the subject. “I was only trying to get close to him and make him think I don’t have my next prank planned and ready to go.” 

Mal laughed at my words before looking me in the eye and speaking confidently, “If you wanted my help coming up with a prank you could’ve just asked instead of lying.” I laughed before looking at her with pleading eyes. “My God you’re hopeless.” She sighed and I silently cheered as I knew she was going to help.

A few google searches, texts to Jimin, and a visit to a public library copy machine later we were ready. It was still only noon and I sent Mal out to put up all the flyers we had made before taking a lunch break together. I was nervous to see how this went. I wouldn’t be around him all day and I was relying on updates from Jimin to see how everything was going. All I could gather from the last text Mal had received and read out to me was that Namjoon was pissed. Mission accomplished. 

Walking to my building on my own felt lonely after having someone with me the night before and this morning. I brushed that thought aside as I knew Namjoon would be home soon as I saw Jimin turning the ‘Open’ sign on the door to the Hideout Cafe to ‘Closed’ before giving me a wink. 

I had made it to the elevator in the lobby before the door to the building opened behind me. I felt a shiver go down my spine in anticipation and excitement. Sure enough a tired and annoyed looking Namjoon stood next to me while glaring down at his phone. I bit back my laugh and pressed the button for our floor in silence. He leaned his head back onto the elevator wall and let out a deep breath. I started to feel guilty but he didn’t know I was to blame for the likely endless calls he had received today so I swallowed my fear and walked to my door as the elevator came to a stop at our floor. 

I was putting my key into the lock when I heard a deep groan and ringtone start to play loudly. I couldn’t help the smile on my face as I heard Namjoon angrily speak into the phone “No this is not the number for Chewbaca roaring contest, please don’t call again.” before hanging up. I laughed before clamping a hand over my mouth quickly, but it was too late. Namjoon looked over at me and realization flashed across his face followed my anger and...hurt? He opened his door before slamming it behind him and I continued to laugh until I made my way inside my own apartment. That’s when the confusion hit. Why did the hurt look on his face make me feel guilty all over again?

I woke up not being able to breathe. My eyes were open wide and I continued to cough and wheeze, trying to desperately fill my burning lungs with the air they craved. I threw my duvet off my body and fell to the floor of my bedroom coughing with tears streaming down my face. 

“Y/N run!” 

No. This isn’t real. It’s all a dream. My head was tormenting me with memories from that night. My chest started to rise and fall frantically due to the lack of oxygen and the flashing images behind my eyelids.

“Help! Please someone help me!” I was running around the hoards of people filling my street and in front of my house. There were red and blue lights flashing and blurring my vision until all I saw was a kaleidoscope of the two colors.

I clamped my hands over my ears and let out a violent sob. I couldn’t see clearly in front of me. There was a thin fog covering the room and burning my eyes.

I fell to my knees and sobbed until I was mobbed by a herd of paramedics and police officers. I was hysterical. “Please, just help me please! They're still inside please, they were on the second floor please!” I pushed away hands full of gauze and bandages, trying to get them to just understand. “My mom and sister are still inside please! Go get them” All of my senses were overpowered by fiery embers and heat, yet I could see more clearly than ever as a firefighter walked quickly to a police officer helping to try and calm me down. I was zeroed in on the interaction and would never forget the feeling of my heart dropping and shattering when they pulled away and looked back on me with that undeniable look of pity on their faces.

I screamed and felt all of the life leave my body as I fell to the asphalt below me. There was silence. I couldn’t hear my screams of agony, feel the hands pulling me up and into an ambulance, taste the smoke that I had been choking on earlier, smell the burnt remnants of my home that had gone up in flames, or see anything aside from the flashing images of my mother and sister in my mind.

I was rocking back and forth, mumbling incoherently, and sobbing as I curled into myself at the foot of my bed. I felt my body being shaken and shot my eyes open to see the concerned face of Mal above me. Her hands were on my shoulders and she was calling out my name. I launched into her arms and continued sobbing into her shoulder. She brushed her hands through my hair and held me until I was only hiccuping every few seconds. 

“I came to check up on you because I know 5 years is a big anniversary. What happened? I could smell that air freshener from the elevator.” She spoke softly as she looked into my eyes with concern. I furrowed my brows in confusion before looking around the room. “What? It’s not the 14th yet, Mal. Right?” She pulled my phone off the nightstand and showed me the screen with the date I’ve despised for the past 5 years on the screen. I felt my heart drop and tears well up all over again. I blinked them back before continuing to answer her second question.

“I don’t know what happened. I woke up and I couldn’t breathe or see clearly. What do you mean you could smell the air freshener? I didn’t spray anything.” As I calmed down more I could smell the overpowering scent of fruit and hibiscus. I scrunched up my face and gagged at the suffocating aromas. Mal furrowed her brows and grabbed an almost empty aerosol can of air freshener from beside her. “I mean I assumed you didn’t do this since I had to cut a zip tie off of it. Babe, I think you were pranked.” It made sense. The surprise and shock of it, the zip tie, all of it. 

I shook my head and moved to stand up. “What are you doing?” Mal questioned. I moved to my closet and grabbed some jeans and an old t-shirt. “Getting ready for work. I was pranked, it’s not the end of the world or a reason for me to stop living life as per usual.” I couldn’t meet her eyes as I spoke. I didn’t want to talk about what had happened. Especially today. Mal sighed before standing as well. “I know it still hurts. Anyone in your place would feel the exact same way. But it’s been 5 years since that fire and I know the anniversaries always hit you harder as the years go by. When you choose to talk to me, I’ll be here.”

I nodded my head as I held onto my clothes for the day. 5 years. 5 years. They died exactly 5 years ago today and I still missed them like it was day one. I let out a sigh before starting to get dressed.

I spent all day in the bakery trying to avoid all my emotions I had kept bottled up. It was getting harder to ignore everything but being in my safe place usually made it bearable. However, today I was confused. Customers kept asking for refunds repeatedly throughout the day and I didn’t understand why. I baked everything fresh this morning, the same as I always have. Even my regulars were complaining and throwing perfectly fine food into the trash. It seemed like the cherry on top of everything that had happened already. Mal and I struggled to find the answer for hours. We retraced and rebaked until our heads were spinning.

I was dealing with a new customer who was demanding a refund when the answer became clear. “It’s just pure salt! Honestly how can you run a bakery and mix up your salt and sugar!” I froze. The customer continued to rant but I felt like I was underwater. I know for a fact I had used the sugar. I hadn’t mixed up like that since I was a child experimenting at home. I quickly apologised and handed the customer their money before rushing back to the kitchen. Mal had watched the encounter and followed quickly behind me. I practically threw the sugar container onto my work table before ripping off the plastic lid. I put my finger inside and tasted the white contents. Salt. I was dumbfounded. How could this have happened.

The bell above the shop sounded and I walked out to greet the customer while trying to hide the confusion on my face. I walked in view of my “customer” and felt like a brick wall had collapsed onto me. I felt the pricking of tears behind my eyes and my mouth grew dry at the sight. Namjoon was standing in front of the register looking smug as ever and I felt utterly stupid. 

“What’s wrong, Moonlight? Shop’s empty, looks like you’ve been having some trouble with customer satisfaction today. Wonder why.” I untied my apron and tossed it off quickly before going to the back to grab my things. Mal looked up at my sudden appearance and I spoke before she could. “You know what, you were right. Today is a big deal. I’m closing up for the rest of the day. It’s too much.” I was trembling as I grabbed my purse and walked out to avoid her concerned gaze. Namjoon was still standing at the register as I walked to the front door. He looked confused and worried but I bit my lip hard to avoid crying in front of him. 

“Hey, what’s wrong. It was just a prank I didn’t think-” I turned around to face him and pointed my finger at him. “You’re a fucking asshole you know? This is my livelihood and my everything. I could’ve maybe handled you fucking with my business any other day of the year but today it’s way too much. Whatever prank war or competition we were doing to spite each other is done. Congrats! You won. Now never touch me or my things or come into my apartment or store ever again.” The tears were freely flowing down my face but I didn’t care. 

“Wait, Moonli-” Namjoon reached out for me but I turned and opened the door before he could finish. “And don’t call me that. You don’t know me. I don’t know you. What’s the point of stupid nicknames for people you don’t really know or want to talk to ever again.” I walked out before he could stop me again, not halting until I was at my apartment. I locked the door behind me and fell onto the couch with sobs and memories of laughter and people I’ll never get back lulling me to sleep.

Coping has always been difficult for me. I never really understood that I could let out my emotions and talk about them with people without being judged or told it’s not important. It only got harder for me when my mom and sister died five years ago. I never talked about it. I avoided the emotions and my guilt and pain from that day for five years and I was only hurting more as a result. I was curled up on my couch under a fuzzy blanket with tears streaming down my face, but I didn’t feel anything besides numbness. I wasn’t struggling to catch my breath or having sobs shake my body, I was numb. I was on my couch for what felt like infinity but realistically was probably a few hours. It was dark outside and no matter how exhausted I was, I knew sleep would never come.

I heard a soft knock at my door and made no move to answer it. My phone was abandoned on the coffee table and hadn’t been touched since I first came home. I knew Mal had been trying to reach me as the vibrations hadn’t stopped all day. The knocking came again, louder this time. I took as deep of a breath that I could manage before moving to sit up. I pulled my blanket tight around my body as I walked to the door. I didn’t check the peep hole because nothing mattered to me anymore. I didn’t care.

I unlocked the door and opened it to see a worried Namjoon….I still didn't know his last name. Further proof of why he shouldn’t be here and why I shouldn’t feel warm inside that he is. He looked up to meet my eyes and his expression fell into a sorrowful one laced with confusion. I turned back around and walked towards my couch, not in the mood for formalities.

“I’m sorry.” He spoke softly yet confident as I sat down. I huffed out a laugh and shook my head. “Why are you here?” I croaked out. He took a step closer and I felt my body tense slightly. He stopped moving before answering, “Why would I be anywhere else? I hurt you and I need you to know it wasn’t my plan for that to happen.” He started to scratch the back of his neck and I sighed.

“It’s not your fault.” My voice was shaky and my eyes filled with tears. I cleared my throat and looked up at him. He looked sad and curious and I knew I couldn’t keep it all in anymore. I scooted over on my couch and motioned my hand for him to join me. He hesitantly obeyed but never took his gaze off of me. “I need to be honest.” I spoke softly. He moved his hand above my shoulder to comfort me, before moving it back to his lap. I took in a breath before speaking about something I thought would be internalized forever.

“Five years ago I lived in a small town in Colorado. I had lived there my whole life and was happy. It was just my mom, sister, and I in a small house with a gorgeous view of the mountains. Mal lived in the neighborhood with us and we’ve basically been joint at the hip since birth.” I stopped as the night came back to me. I closed my eyes tightly and Namjoon turned towards me. I don’t know why, but I reached out and grasped his hand. He squeezed my smaller one tightly before rubbing circles into the back of my palm with his thumb.

“One night, we were having a sleepover. We were 18 but acted like children so we made a blanket fort in the living room. We watched movies all night and eventually we decided to go to my room so we could sleep. We thought we unplugged everything but we were tired and there was a stupid fucking candle. My room was on the first floor but my mom and sister’s were on the second.” I felt Namjoon squeeze my hand tighter and I let out a choked sob. He pulled me into his arms and rocked me slowly.

I cried into his chest as his hands rubbed my back soothingly. After I started to calm down a bit, I pulled back a bit to look at him. “We made it out. The neighbors had already called but there was no way they could’ve made it down the stairs without being trapped by the fire. I did it. I killed them. It’s been five years today and I’ve never talked about it. So it’s not your fault, Joon. It’s all mine because I’m too much of a coward to accept what I did five years ago.”

Namjoon gently placed his hand on my face and turned it to look into his eyes. “It never has been, and never will be your fault. It was an accident. Don’t carry that guilt because it’s not true. Okay?” I felt more tears flow and he wiped them away. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you, it’s just that baking is how I try to cope. I mean I still bottled up everything so I guess it didn’t work too well but-” Namjoon cut me off with his next words. I was shocked after he did. He looked into my eyes with nothing but kindness and genuity. 

“Teach me how to bake.” 

“What?” I started to wonder if confiding in him was the right choice since it seemed that he didn’t even know how to listen to me.

“You said it helps you cope, and it clearly makes you happy. I want you to start learning that it's okay to not get over something as big as that in one conversation. And that it’s not your fault. It’ll take time. So we’re going to bake something and talk about whatever you want to until you accept that it’s not your fault. We may bake a lot of things since this is gonna take a while, but I’ll be here until that day comes. I also really want to see you be happy right now. So teach me how to bake and I’ll teach you whatever you want in return.”

I was in awe. I didn’t know why he cared so much but I knew he was right. It was going to take some time and he clearly wanted to start now. I stood up and started walking to my kitchen. He followed behind me and stood awkwardly in the doorway, looking around the array of ingredients I pulled out. It was only flour, sugar, eggs, and butter but he already looked stressed. He let out a breath and pulled off his jacket as I reached to grab some mixing bowls and measuring cups. “So what do you want to bake?” I asked him so I could narrow down the necessary tools and ingredients. 

“A cake?” He shrugged his shoulders and I smiled at his seemingly nervous behavior. “Ask me. It makes it seem more official and I like hearing you ask to be taught something you don’t know.”  He smiled before rolling his shoulders back and dramatically clearing his throat. And so he asked, “Y/N, will you please teach me how to bake a cake?” and I did.

The week following our first “lesson” was only filled with constant interaction and more lessons. At first we only baked random sweets while dancing around to whatever song came on shuffle through my bluetooth speaker. We talked about our loves and passions and sometimes we touched on my mom and sister but Namjoon would never push me too far. I knew the feelings I was starting to harbor for him were more than platonic. It wasn’t just his looks or stupid jokes or smile at my even worse jokes. I was the little things. 

It was his caring heart. ‘Teach me to bake in a bakery.’ “So why do you add that if it’s not in the recipe?” he questioned me with a slight tilt of his head. “Because it’s the secret ingredient, Joon. And if I find out you tell anyone what it is I’ll burn down your coffee shop. Okay?” His eyebrows raised and his eyes widened before a boyish grin spread across his face. “Jeez, what’s with you and fire?” I tensed slightly but before I could feel any negative emotion, Namjoon lightly touched my arm and turned me to meet his pleading gaze. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like-” I cut him off with a flurry of giggles and my hunched over frame. “Why are you apologizing? I am really shit when it comes to fire safety.” I winked at him and saw him relax. With him around, it was okay. He cared.

It was his patience. ‘Teach me to make a beat’ “Ughhhh. Joon, I’m never going to get this right.” The throbbing in my fingertips and crease in my brow due to my frustration were evident. “Moonlight, it takes practice. And a good teacher always helps, hence why I’m here. You’re gonna get it, just try again.” He was seated next to me at his impressive studio desk trying to correctly position my randomly placed snare drum and bass sounds on the program in front of us. If it wasn’t his equipment I would have thrown it all at the wall ages ago. I sighed and sat up straighter in his desk chair before moving around some of the beats and trying again to make something that didnt sound like a middle school band warming up, or just a total cluster fuck of noises. Namjoon hummed along to the beat of the song I was “creating” and while it was incredibly off beat and by no means perfect, it was an incredible improvement. “See! I knew you could do it.” I smiled widely, matching his own. “How are you so optimistic and patient? You literally just sat through an hour of me butchering your presets with a smile the whole time.” He laughed before grabbing the instrument from my arms. “Because it’s you.”

It was determination. ‘Teach me to appreciate Shakespeare’ “Wait so Juliet is actually dead now? How did Romeo not even check to see if she was breathing?” Namjoon spoke confused. “She was in a tomb and looked pretty dead. All he knew is that his true love was dead and they were supposed to run away together.” I closed my copy of Romeo and Juliet and continued playing with his hair in my lap. “Huh. But why kill himself? And why would she do the same? Why couldn’t she just tell him her plan so that this wouldn’t have happened?” His hand gestured wildly in front of him and I looked down at his head that he had moved to my lap during the final act of the play with a smile. “That’s the tragedy of it all. They were so close to being together and running off on their own with no judgement.” Namjoon sat up at my answer and looked me in the eye as he spoke once more, “I guess you taught me how to appreciate Romeo and Juliet so congrats. But you still didn’t answer my other questions. Why would they see that the only option was death?” I looked away before answering. “I guess we all just want somebody to die for.”

It was his knowledge. ‘Teach me the best movies’ “Well we obviously have to watch The Godfather if you want to review the best movies of all time.” Namjoon had just come back to his living room with a bowl of popcorn as I settled into his couch with a fluffy blanket. “Well I’ve never seen it so I guess it wouldn’t be a review for me.” I spoke casually as Namjoon sat next to me under the blanket. He turned to me so fast I thought he might snap his neck. “You’ve never seen my favorite movie of all time? Okay we definitely need to start there.” I laughed as he pressed play. “I never watch movies. I just feel like I have more important things in life to spend my time on.” He looks offended as he processes my words. “I’m just going to pretend I didn’t just hear that.”

It was all these things about him and more. I was falling for Kim Namjoon more than I thought possible. I also finally learned his surname during a slightly embarrassing lesson of ‘Teach me your last name’. Currently we were still in our lesson about movies. Namjoon was insistent I was “educated” and no matter how hard I tried to watch the movie, I couldn’t concentrate. When I looked around all I saw was Namjoon. Namjoon’s apartment,Namjoon’s couch, Namjoon’s arm around my shoulders, Namjoon’s favorite movie playing, Namjoon’s blanket covering my body, Namjoon’s incredibly soft and cozy hoodie he let me wear, Namjoon. Thankfully my lack of concentration and stream of thoughts were broken by the man himself.

 About 10 minutes into the film, Namjoon asks a question I wasn’t expecting. “Wait so since you don’t watch movies, what did you have in the background during makeout sessions growing up?” He threw some popcorn in his mouth as I froze. He turned back to me at my lack of response. “Um, nothing?” I spoke timidly. “Wow, straight to the point, huh?” I shook my head and spoke the embarassing truth, “No I just, I’ve never been kissed. So there really wasn’t ever the chance to put something on.” I turned away from him, scared of him laughing in my face. Instead he just spoke “Bullshit. There’s no way nobody’s kissed you before.” I looked at his stupidly charming grin and said, “Well it’s not bullshit. And why are you so shocked?” He looked at me like I was stupid before stating “Because you’re beautiful.” He spoke the words like it was obvious. 

After a moment of silence, I turned my attention back to the movie playing but I couldn’t focus. I played with my fingers until Namjoon spoke softly “I can teach you, if you want” and I stopped moving completely. “But only if you’re okay with that” he blushes and hurriedly adds. I stopped his rambling though as I nodded my head with a quiet “okay”. I watched as his eyes widened. He fumbled for words a little before he moved impossibly closer and leaned in. He hesitated though and pulled away to my confusion. “You have to ask me. It’s our rule.” He says it almost playfully but the look in his eyes contradicts his playful smirk. I knew he wanted my full consent before doing anything.

 I let out a nervous laugh before uttering the words, “Teach me how to kiss.” And he does.

I dreamed of Namjoon and soft yet heated kisses that night. Waking up, I was confused to see the surroundings of his apartment lit by the soft glow of sunlight peeking through the curtains. I froze as I felt movement under my head. I was fully resting on top of Namjoon with my ear pressed to his chest and I smiled as I heard the beating of his heart. He suddenly  took in a deep breath and moved around a bit and I quickly shut my eyes, hoping to stay in this moment for as long as possible. I didn’t know how he felt about last night. Was he only teaching me as a friend? Did he feel even half of what I felt for him? 

His lips were soft as they pressed against mine and I hesitantly returned the kiss. His right hand came to cup my face softly as his head tilted slightly. I felt my heart pounding and the blood coursing through my body like electricity. I pulled away from him slowly, anxious for his next words. “Was that okay?” I spoke quietly and after a moment of silence I looked up to meet his eyes. He didn’t speak, instead he kissed me again with more emotions present than before. I placed my hands onto his chest before moving them to the nape of his neck. I played with the small curls there and felt him shiver in response. He was the one to pull away this time and he moved his hands to my hips before pulling me onto his lap. I was now straddling him and dazed at the sight of his flushed face and red lips. “You’re a natural, Y/N, and as much as I’m enjoying this I think I asked you what you played in the background when you made out with someone.”

My racing thoughts and fluttering heart came to an abrupt halt as I felt Namjoon lean down awkwardly to press his lips against the top of my head. I couldn’t help the wide grin that appeared as a result of his action. I opened one eye and turned to look up at him. He chuckled as he realized he had been caught. “Mornin’, Moonlight” He spoke in his gravely morning voice. I felt my cheeks start to ache slightly due to the size of my smile. “Good morning, Joon” I could only manage a whisper, too scared to shatter the blissful sight and moments of this morning. 

We stared at each other for a bit until the buzzing of Namjoon’s phone caught our attention. Jimin was calling him, however, he made no move to answer it until I pinched his side gently with a glare. “Not answering your best friend’s call is rude you know.” He rolled his eyes playfully before declining the call completely. “Yeah, well calling your best friend while he’s cuddling with a gorgeous girl this early is even worse.” He smirked at me and I sat up slowly while he groaned at the loss of warmth. I moved to straddle his lap and played with his soft hair while he looked up at me with a soft smile on his face. “Hey, what are you staring at, loser?” He shook his head softly and leaned into my hands in his hair.

“You.” He spoke softly with his eyes closed in bliss and a smile on his face and I couldn’t stop myself from leaning down and pressing my lips against his even if I had tried to. He smiled into the kiss before placing his hands onto my thighs and kissing me back. We moved together like a perfect symphony. A rolling wave on the ocean. Ink flowing against the page of a classic novel. I pulled away for air but stayed close to him as he moved his lips to my cheek and slowly kissed down to my neck and the sweet spot he had found the night before. 

“Namjoon” I sighed out as his lips worked against my neck sensually. I moved my hands to his hair and lightly tugged against the strands. He moaned against my neck and his teeth grazed a spot that had me shuddering and letting out a small whimper. He moved his head back up to face me. “Found it.” He stated cockily and I rolled my eyes before pressing my lips against his again, effectively wiping the smug smirk from his face. I felt his tongue brush against my lips and I decided to tease him before granting entrance. He grunted and bit my bottom lip lightly in frustration. I gasped at the sensation and he took the opportunity of my lips parting to explore the new territory.

“Joon, eventually we’re gonna have to go to work and open up for the day.” I spoke to rid my head of the memories of the night before. The groan he let out in response made the butterflies in my stomach appear. “Five more minutes” He muttered and I laughed before grabbing his phone on the coffee table to see how long we had before needing to leave before I gasped and my eyes widened. “Joon, get up. We’re so late, shit.” It was 10 AM and the shop should’ve been open two hours ago. He sat up slowly while squinting his eyes adorably. I shoved his phone into his hand and rushed off of him to head to my apartment for clean clothes. I heard a soft “Shit” as I closed the door behind me.

I bolted into my room and grabbed the first items I saw, which unknowingly included a baby pink, lace thong from Namjoon’s prank. I shoved my legs through my jean shorts and found some comfortable shoes before grabbing my keys and running out the door. Namjoon was already waiting by the elevator doors, tapping his foot impatiently. I let out a breathy laugh as I ran to meet him. He smiled at my presence before looking me up and down. He squinted slightly at the top of my head and laughed as the elevator doors opened. I patted my hair before feeling the slight knots left from not brushing it. As we moved down to the lobby I reached up to fix it as much as I could with my fingers before giving up and reaching for the hair tie around my wrist.

I lifted my arms up to gather all my hair into a messy ponytail and unbeknownst to me, my flowy top lifted up and revealed the baby pink  lace above the hem of my shorts. I heard Namjoon cough and clear his throat suddenly as my hands fell to my sides and the doors opened. “You okay, Joon?” I looked up to him and noticed a slight blush and flustered expression. He tightly smiled and nodded his head before grabbing my hand in his and guiding us out of our building. It was now my turn to blush at his sudden action and the feel of his hand in mine. 

We walked quickly so as to not be even more late to our own businesses. We approached the Hideout Cafe first and Namjoon reached into his back pocket for the keys to the shop. He kept his hand securely in mine as he tried to find the right key. He dropped the key ring onto the concrete before grumbling out some curses. I chuckled and leaned down in front of him to pick them up. I heard him choke out a gasp before I leaned back up to face him with a smile. He quickly took the keys from my hand and before I could think, he leaned down to kiss me before resting his forehead against mine and huskily whispering “I thought you threw out those fucking panties, babygirl.” He pulled back after kissing my cheek and he unlocked the shop before entering, leaving me hot and flustered on the sidewalk outside. 

The walk to my bakery after that was a blur. All I could sense was Namjoon. His whispers in my ear. His hand in mine. His shy smile full of dimples and crinkled eyes. His cologne surrounding me as I was in his arms. The taste of his kiss. The sight of his wink and smile as he walked into his shop. I barely realized I was inside the bakery until Mal called out for me.

“You okay, babe? You look pale.” I took in a deep breath before pushing her hands away from my face. “We need to talk. In the back. Now.” Her eyes widened and turned serious at my words. As I moved to the kitchen and started pacing, Mal moved to turn the ‘Open’ sign to ‘Closed’ before bolting to the back. She stood with her hands on her hips and eyed me pacing frantically before stopping me with a gentle hand on my shoulder. 

“Y/N, all you need to tell me is his first initial and I’ll find him within the week and beat his as-” I cut her off by blurting out “Namjoon and I kissed.” Her eyes widened once again and her jaw dropped before she started smugly smiling. She squealed and pulled me into a tight hug as she rambled about venues and summer versus spring weddings and I looked down at my shoes at her words. “So how did it happen? How long have you two been a thing and why didn’t I know sooner?” I sighed and looked at the excitement covering her face. “We’re not a ‘thing’ and we probably never will be. We’ve been hanging out a lot more recently and teaching each other our favorite things and last night we kissed a lot and I was on his lap and then I woke up with him on his couch and fuck, Mal I’m so scared.”

“Woah, hey what’s wrong? Did you not want him to kiss you?” I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I really wanted him to kiss me. I really wanted to do it again. But I was really scared to admit it. I felt tears well up in my eyes and Mal pulled me into her arms and shushed my quiet sobs. “I really like him, Mal.” I whispered. She pulled back and brushed some hair out of my face before gently holding my face in her hands. “Then what’s so wrong about kissing the guy you like? He wouldn’t have done it if he wasn’t at least slightly interested in you too.” 

I closed my eyes and saw his sleepy smile and bright eyes. I opened them again and voiced my fears, “Because I’m not good enough. He deserves so much more than some broken girl who’s too scared to kiss him in public or even admit to him how she feels. I’m fucked up, Mal. He doesn’t deserve someone like me.” Mal squinted her eyes as I finished.

“Are you done? Good. Number one, you might need to brush your teeth after spewing that much bullshit. Number two, you’re completely right. He doesn’t deserve someone like you. A beautiful, strong, kind, funny, talented, amazing woman who I’m lucky enough to call my best friend. So what if you’re scared about PDA, you said it yourself that you guys aren't anything official so that’s completely understandable. And number three, you never have been and never will be broken. You’ve gone through so much and no one expects you to be one hundred percent healed or back to normal after that. You are worth so much. Okay?” We were both crying as I nodded. I was lucky to have her.

“You’ve been so happy recently and I honestly feel dumb that I didn’t realize why sooner. If he makes you happy then talk to him about this. Let yourself have something good because you deserve it.” I thanked her and held her tightly. “Oh and don’t think you’re off the hook. We are definitely going to talk in full detail about last night and all those times you’ve ‘hung out’ alone together.” I laughed and rolled my eyes before wiping under my eyes. 

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” 

I was cleaning up the shop after closing for the day when the bell above the door sounded. I groaned as I realized I hadn’t locked it yet and now had to deal with late night customers. “We’re closed.” I called from the back, too tired to go up front. “Aw damn. Even for your favorite customer?” A familiar voice spoke in faux disappointment and I felt the butterflies burst to life in my stomach. I smiled and walked up to the register, suddenly full of energy. 

“Bold of you to assume you’re my favorite.” I tilted my head and watched him smile as I appeared. “And to think, I was going to surprise you with a date and everything.” Namjoon shook his head and shrugged his shoulders before turning to leave. I laughed before running to grab his arm. “Well I guess I can make an exception for my favorite customer. But just for tonight.” He turned to me with a bright smile and leaned in to kiss me. I pulled away from him before he could though. He looked confused but brushed it off. 

“I need an order of your best creation.” I bit my lip and thought about what I would make before remembering the cupcakes I had made a few weeks ago. I had thankfully scribbled down the recipe and knew they would be relatively easy. “Only if I have some company while I make it.” I turned to walk into the kitchen and felt his presence behind me. I grabbed all the ingredients listed in my binder of recipes and got to work. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Namjoon picking up the binder and inspecting the page with my messy scrawl. 

“I asked for company so I had someone to talk to, not someone to snoop around and be nosy.” I smiled but never shifted my attention to him. He breathed out a laugh and moved to stand behind me. I felt his arms wrap loosely around my waist and his head rested on my shoulder. He sighed against my back and I leaned into him slightly. “Why doesn’t this one have a name? All the other pages have names at the top but this one just had question marks.” 

“I just came up with this on a whim. Didn’t really have any names in mind. I guess I just forgot to come back to it.” I spoke truthfully as I stirred the ingredients together to form a smooth batter. Namjoon hummed in response and I continued working with his arms around me. When I had to place the cupcakes into the oven I nudged his arm with my elbow and he groaned. “‘M comfy.” He mumbled and I laughed as I struggled to unravel his frame from mine. 

“Weren’t you the one who promised a surprise date?” I reminded him and saw his eyes instantly light back up as a blush slowly appeared on his cheeks. “Do you want that?” He questioned silently and scratched at the back of his neck. I closed the oven and turned to face him with furrowed brows. “Want what? A surprise? Cause that’s kinda why I’m baking these-” “I meant the date. Did you want it to be a date? Because if you don’t then that’s fine too.” He cut me off with nerves lacing his words. 

“Yeah. I would love that. Why did you think I would say no?” I questioned with a matching blush on my face. “Well you just, you kinda rejected me up front when I tried to kiss you so.” I looked down in embarrassment before taking Mal’s advice from earlier. “I was just scared.” I paused and looked up to meet his eyes before continuing, “I really like you, Joon. I just didn’t want to get my hopes up by kissing you if you didn’t feel the same.” I played with my fingers anxiously as I waited for his response. He smiled largely before finally breaking the silence. “You don’t have to be scared, Moonlight. Cause I really like you too.”

When I finished up the cupcakes we packed them up and walked hand in hand to our date. I was giddy as we swung our hands between our bodies. When we stopped in front of the Hideout I was confused. “Is this your surprise? Making me another coffee at 10 PM?” I questioned him but he didn’t respond. He unlocked the door and held it open for me. I narrowed my eyes at his smug smile and walked into the dark shop. I stood awkwardly in the middle of the shop and looked around in confusion.

“Joon, I appreciate the effort but I-” I stopped speaking as the shop was suddenly lit up by the few strands of fairy lights in the corner by the reading area. I gasped at the sight. Instead of shelves of books and pillows, there were large, comfy blankets covering the entire section with Namjoon standing at the entrance holding a laptop. “I know it’s not much but I just thought it would be cute or that you would like it cause I remembered how much you liked it over here last time.” I walked up to meet him at the entrance with a large smile on my face. He looked nervous again and I couldn’t understand why. 

“It’s perfect, Joon. Thank you.” I leaned in to punctuate my statement with a short kiss before pulling back the blanket behind him to crawl into the makeshift fort. He entered a few seconds after me and settled on my right side before opening his laptop. While the shelves of books were covered on the outside of the fort, the interior was filled with the sight of them. The soft glow of the string lights and comfort of the pillows and blankets set the perfect environment for reading and I darted my eyes across the different titles in awe. 

“You there, Moonlight?” Namjoon called out and I shifted my gaze onto him easily. I raised my eyebrows and turned to face him, not realizing he had been calling for me. “I asked what movie you wanted to watch.” I felt my face flush for the millionth time that night and bit my lip as I debated on what I should answer. “Could we maybe read something instead?” I spoke hesitantly but the grin on his face as he shut his laptop eased my fears. “Whatever you want.” I smiled and grabbed the familiar title on my left. 

“Have you read this before?” I asked softly. He shook his head but never lost the small grin on his lips or diverted his eyes from mine. “Well it’s a personal favorite of mine, so get ready to experience literary genius.” I moved to get more comfortable and ended up laying on Namjoon’s chest while his hands played with my hair. 

“Chapter one.”

“Are you even listening to the story?” I questioned accusingly. Namjoon smiled innocently despite being caught staring at the side of my face for the third time in the past ten minutes. Meeting up after closing had become a routine for the two of us. He would meet me at the bakery and ‘help’ me bake something for the night ahead. Usually we get to the Hideout and read after eating a bit and get through at least a chapter or two before he distracts me with kisses or tickles. Tonight, however, Namjoon was dead set on staring into the side of my face laying on his chest. “Of course I’m listening, Moonlight. Why’d you stop?” He smirked and I rolled my eyes with a sigh before continuing.

“As he looked into her eyes he saw nothing but pain and sorrow. The guilt he felt consumed him but he had no choice. He turned away as he heard her choke out a heart wrenching sob-” I was cut off by Namjoon kissing me for the fifth time that night. I giggled lightly against his lips but made sure to keep my spot in our book. “Joon, it’s been four days and we’re still only on chapter 10 of 45. As much as I love your kisses, we need to actually read the book in order to finish it.” He moved his lips to my left cheek and down my jawline as I spoke.

I lightly pushed his head away and playfully glared at him while he pouted. “But it’s so sad. Honestly, I don’t know why she keeps going back to him and shit when he only hurts her. Guilty or not, he’s still fucked for cheating on her like that.” He reached for a leftover cupcake in the box next to him while I grinned. He let out a low moan as he took a bite and I felt my body ignite with heat. “Fuck, these are always so amazing. I can’t believe you don’t sell them anymore.” He spoke with his mouth partially full and I rolled my eyes at his boyish behavior.

“I’ve told you a million times, I can’t sell something without a name.” He threw his head back with a groan and I laughed at his frustration. “Well let’s come up with something then. It’s better than reading about heartbreak.” I sat up from my spot on his chest and faced him fully. “It needs a catchy name, that’s for sure. It also needs to hint at the surprise inside.” He licked the stray frosting around his mouth as he spoke animatedly. I took in the appearance of the man in front of me. He was in some basic sweatpants and a hoodie since after night two we had decided it was best to change into more comfortable clothes to read after closing.

“The surprise inside?” I laughed, “What, do you mean the filling?” He rolled his eyes and waved his hand in dismissal. “You know what I mean. You’re just not expecting it but it's a good surprise for sure.” His explanation brought a memory to mind.  

Sitting innocently on top of my dresser was a little note with his messy scrawl reading ‘Gotcha ;)’ 

“Gotcha.” I spoke quietly with a smile, remembering the first prank he had pulled on me so long ago. “What?” He questioned innocently, taking another bite of the cupcake in his hand while his free one came to rest on my thigh. “Gotcha. That’s what I’m naming it.” He furrowed his brow in confusion and tilted his head slightly to the side. He was silent for a bit before looking at me with hope and excitement. “Why?” He asked with fake confusion, but the giddy smile forming on his face revealed his true intentions. I smiled and sighed loudly before looking away dramatically. “I guess because it reminds me of the time a loser stole all my underwear and left me a note saying that on top of my dresser.” He laughed loudly and I turned to look at the sight of his bright eyes crinkled at the sides and his prominent dimples. 

“Fuck, you’re perfect.” He spoke softly with a look of fondness on his face. I flushed and looked down at the hand on my thigh that was rubbing soft circles. “Be my girlfriend.” I moved my head up so quickly I thought my neck would snap. “What?” I spoke in shock. “I don’t want someone else to be with you. And I really don’t want to be with anyone other than you. I know we’ve never really put an official label on anything but fuck it. So, will you?” He looked nervous but his eyes showed nothing but honesty.

“About damn time.” I spoke after releasing a breath I didn’t realize I was holding in. I grabbed his face and kissed him passionately. I was smiling widely but he didn’t mind as he moved his hand from my thigh to my waist. Our kisses turned heated as his tongue brushed across the seam of my lips urgently. I pulled back and leaned in to whisper in his ear, “I think you were right about movies. They make great background noise for making out.” His breath hitched and I watched as he fumbled for his laptop. I giggled and straddled his lap as he furiously typed in his password for Netflix.

I lightly feathered kisses onto his jaw and down his neck. I felt the vibrations as he groaned at my actions. “Fuck, how have you only been kissed for the first time last week?” I let out a breathy laugh as I sat up from my slightly hunched form. “I think I got the basics down pretty quickly thanks to my teacher. But I think I’m ready to learn something else from them.”  His eyes darkened and before I knew it I was being rolled onto my back as the opening sounds from Avengers: Infinity War played in the background.

“Babygirl, I’ll teach you anything you want to know.” He smirked as he started moving down my body.

I was sure the smile on my face would become permanent after how long it had been painted on. We didn’t go all the way but we definitely made some progress on my lessons. I was laying on the blanketed floor with Namjoon resting on my chest. I was wearing his hoodie and my sleep shorts from earlier while he was left in his sweatpants and a bare chest. I was looking at the soft lights around me while my hand was playing with the messy curls tickling my chin. The sounds of the Avengers battling Thanos in Wakanda paired with Namjoon’s soft snores was lulling me to sleep slowly but surely. 

I knew we would both regret sleeping on the hard floor of the Hideout in the morning, but

at the moment I couldn’t find it in myself to care. I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath, ready to fall asleep when a notification sounded from the laptop. I turned slightly to see what it was but suddenly felt all possibility of sleep and tiredness drain from my body. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions but I had to try and make sense of what I saw.

GM<3: i miss you:(

I tried to calm myself before overreacting. It could be a relative or someone close to him. He just told me earlier how wrong cheating was. He wouldn’t do thi- Another notification sounded and effectively cut off my racing thoughts. I felt more confident in the situation as I looked at the incoming text but it’s contents only made me feel sick.

GM<3: when are you coming over again? 

GM<3: please say soon:( you left pretty quick the other night

GM<3: i love you, talk soon <3

I felt tears threatening to spill and was confused. I thought of every possible explanation but none of them were innocent or made any sense. I was hurt. I was angry. But mostly, I was numb. The thought I was dreading the most kept circling my mind. I didn’t want to believe it but it made too much sense.

You fell for the greatest prank of all. You believed he actually felt anything for you.

I felt hot tears fall down my face while one word played on a loop in my head. A heartbreaking lullaby played like a broken record.

Gotcha.

I was frozen. I didn’t move or sleep at all that night. My body ached from the hard floor and lack of movement but all I focused on was the heartache and racing thoughts that hadn’t seized through the night. The sun started to rise and I took it as my cue to leave and head to my shop. I carefully moved and tried to remove myself from Namjoon’s tight grip on my hips. I freed myself eventually and felt hot tears welling up in my eyes. I grabbed my clothes from the day before along with my other belongings and headed to the front door.

I placed my hand on the door handle and hesitated. Talk to him. “Let yourself have something good”. I turned to look at his frame under the dim glow of the rising sun and felt the lump in my throat grow. I forced myself to look away and walk out the door before I could change my mind. I made it to the front door of my shop before breaking down and crying. I told you so. 

I wiped my tears and stood up straight before unlocking the door and walking in, determined to bottle it up and not talk about it. The faster I avoided Kim Namjoon and everything involving him, the better. I silently worked throughout the day with a tight smile and locked my phone up in the storage area so I wouldn’t see any missed calls or texts. Mal could sense something was up but didn’t push me. 

As the clock moved closer to closing time I panicked. He was surely going to come by to walk us back to his shop. “Hey, Mal? I just remembered I have to head back to my place early tonight. Do you mind closing up for me?” I spoke with a shaky voice and Mal’s questioning glance almost broke my act. “Of course. Just take care of yourself.” She spoke sincerely and I let out a breath of relief at her words. I threw off my apron and grabbed my belongings again before heading home. Namjoon would probably try to get me to read the book with him but I couldn’t face him. I walked quickly past the Hideout and his apartment before collapsing into my bed. I made sure to lock my front door and bedroom door for extra precaution.

I screamed into my pillow as I sobbed. 

This routine went on for the next three days. I started leaving my phone at my apartment after it died. I didn’t have the energy to look at it or charge it to see the messages I had waiting for me. I opened my door at 5 AM to start my new routine of avoiding Namjoon. I was fearful that he might try to come into my shop during the day but so far he hadn’t. That fear came back like a crashing wave, however, as I heard a body fall onto the floor of my apartment when I opened the front door to leave. 

A tired looking Namjoon stood quickly and sighed in relief as he saw me. He reached out to hold my face as he spoke, “Fuck, Moonlight, I’m so glad you’re okay. You haven’t responded to my texts or been at the shop when I stopped by and I was so fucking worried.” He leaned in to kiss me and I pushed his hands off me. He looked confused at my actions but I looked away as anger and hurt filled me.

“Maybe that was for a reason.” I mumbled out as I crossed my shaking hands around my frame. “What? Moon, what’s wrong?” He reached for my hand again and I turned around to walk into my apartment. I heard the door close softly and his quiet footsteps following me. “Baby, you need to let me know-” I spun around at the pet name and pointed shakily at him. “No. You don’t get to call me that. You don’t get to hear about my life or what’s bothering me because it’s you. You’re the problem for me. You need to just stop. Stop kissing me and holding my hand and looking at me like I’m the only girl in your eyes and just making me feel like I’m actually worth something to you. Stop.” I was angry. The tears flowed freely down my face and my hand fell to my side as I finished my words.

Namjoon looked down and shook his head before looking back at me. “Moon, I don’t know what I did but all of that is never going to stop. I never want to stop kissing you or holding your hand or showing you how I really feel about you. You are the only girl in my eyes-” I cut him off with a scoff “Bullshit! How can you just lie like that. I saw the texts that night Namjoon. You fell asleep and when you did you got some texts from another girl. Congratulations, you win. Once again you’ve utterly broken me.”

“What texts? There is no other girl, I promise you. Please, I never meant to hurt you, especially like this.” He was starting to tear up and his voice broke as he finished but I stood my ground. “And I would’ve believed you if I hadn’t seen the texts for myself. I hope you and ‘GM’ are happy together because it seems like you two made it longer than a few hours since you’re already in love.” He scrunched his face up at my words. “Wait. Hold on. GM?” He breathed out a laugh as he spoke. His words cut me like a knife. 

“So you used me and cheated on me and can’t even try to act serious about it? Fuck you, Namjoon.” I moved to walk past him and into my bedroom but he grabbed my arm before I could. “Wait, Moon, no. My sister’s name is Geong Min. That’s who you saw text me that night. I’m telling you the truth, you’re the only girl for me.” He turned my body to face him as he spoke with a small smile. 

I furrowed my eyebrows at his confession. “You have a sister? Wait, why did she ask you to come over and say that you left quick the last time?” He smiled largely as he spoke. “I went to her place the night I set up the Hideout for us because I had to borrow her blankets and lights. And I also needed her advice on if the date was even a good idea.” I sighed and hugged him close to me. “I’m a fucking idiot, I’m so sorry, Joon.” 

He held me against him tightly and moved us side to side. “You’ve always been more than enough for me. You are worth so much to me and to everyone you come into contact with. I know it’s scary to have these feelings, because, Moon, I’m fucking terrified too. But I promise you that you’re all I want. I never want to hurt you and I never want to see us like that again. You’re more than worth it, Moon.” He pulled us slightly apart as he looked into my eyes for his final words and I felt tears welling up again as I smiled.

“You deserve better than someone who can’t love you back the way you need to be. I’ve never felt like this and I know it’s too soon to say I’m in love with you but I know for a fact that I’m falling.” I spoke softly. He smiled and leaned down to press his forehead against mine while I closed my eyes. “Ask me, Moonlight.” He whispered. “Ask me to teach you how to be loved.” He pressed his lips to my forehead then moved down to press a kiss to each cheek and the tip of my nose before pulling back to look in my eyes and wait for my answer.

He returned the smile that grew on my face and laughed as he leaned down to kiss me properly after I spoke softly,“Teach me how to be loved, Joon.” 

And he did.

[cutegirlmayra]

Random AU Sonamy cause you know what?

Prompt:

It was time to go.

That other dimension… I didn’t figure I’d come back, but I couldn’t let my friends know that.

They each saw through me though, first with Tails and that Team Chaotix. Although Tails tried to send me off with as much hope as he could muster without shedding a tear, his entourage were wiping their tears without holding back or hiding. I respected them for it, but Tails even more, for how brave he wanted to be for me.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take of this…” I slowly raised my hand, expecting myself to say, ‘See ya around!’ but couldn’t muster it this time… instead, I just held it up… and let it flop down as though trying to act just as cool as my little dude.

I kicked the ground with a hop in my step as I moved back and raced off, heading to the next group, which were waiting to hold the portal for me when it opened.

“You’re a brave soul, Sonic… I’ve admired you for that.” Was probably the only directly nice thing Shadow ever said to me. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a swell guy! If you minus all the shady things he did in his ‘awakened’ life outside of Dr. Gerald Robotnik, but I could tell he was trying to be respectful too.

“Hey, it’s not that big of a sacrifice. Besides! With me gone, you’ll finally have a reason to show up!” I gave a goofy grin and put my hand to his shoulder, swaggering up with a wobble of my head and jerked upwards a thumbs-up from my hand.

He actually gave me a crooked smile for a moment… before dispersing off again with Rouge and Omega, looking disheartened.

Rouge looked like she wanted to say something, maybe ‘Be careful, Sonic’ but she didn’t quite get it out in time.

She stepped forward and put her hands to her chest, but as Shadow passed, looked down and decided not to say it. ...Probably for the best, I was getting sick of half-meanings. I wasn’t coming back, and the slim chance I could, I would be barely alive to tell the tale.

As she turned, something triggered in my mind. ‘Oh yeah… I’m forgetting someone.’ I felt myself getting reluctant. The person she reminded me of… the person that would definitely not be okay with any false hope, generalized chit-chat, and who wouldn’t hold her tongue back on how she felt about it.

Neither her tears… She would be the one to say, ‘Come back, Sonic.’ without a shred of regret.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and lifted my head up from that realization that I would have to face her… and convince her… of letting me leave…

For good this time.

“It’s not like you to look so gloomy, Sonic.” Knuckles… the only one who really wouldn’t put on a front that was fake.

I turned to him and flicked my nose, as we stood and faced each other, saying more with our stares into the other’s soul then any ‘not saying it’ goodbyes everyone else was trying to hold back.

He shakingly held up a hand, and seeing him about to lose himself, I took it immediately, giving him strength to help him rise up and stay strong.

He nodded, but couldn’t look back in my eyes… he was probably gonna cry somewhere off on Angel Island… and I… preferred it that way.

I gave a strong pull and tightened my grip on the embraced hands, giving him a strong look, and he finally smiled with a ‘tsk’, realizing I wasn’t gonna let him go till he could do it.

He returned the gesture and smirked, narrowing his eyes back into mine.

‘That’s it, buddy. Don’t falter the good fight.’ I thought to myself as we held that position for a moment, and finally… he let me go.

“Safe travels… but that would be an understatement.” He folded his arms, still smiling, before looking his head to the ground and concealing his smile… “Tails told me he wanted to say more to you… I would let him.”

“...Haa..!” I breathed out and arched my back towards the ground, not really wanting to face another hard goodbye so soon… but if it meant holding off from confronting Amy… I would do it. “Guess everyone’s taking my vacation kinda hard, huh?” I joked, but Knuckles just grabbed my head and started rough-housing his glove against my spiky quilled head.

“Get in a tan while you’re at it! You’re too pale skinned!” he gruffed.

I tried to push my head up but he kept it down, “H-hey! Knuckles!” but I did get a glance up… and let him keep my head down…

I could see water streaming down his muzzle like a cascading waterfall… guess I was bound to see it. No use keeping it all together and within.

With Knuckles and Tails… I embraced them, closing my eyes as Tails finally said what he really wanted to.

“I won’t forget you!” He cried out, gripping my back tightly. “I will be everything you believed me to be! I will protect the planet and things we love most, and I won’t let Eggman get away with this!”

‘Hang in there, buddy.’ I just lightly patted his back, about two or three, but was really starting to feel the toll now.

My eyes felt droopy, I was losing energy…

“You’re not gonna be alone! In that dimension, I’m sure you’ll meet others that look like us too! They’ll be there to support you, I’m sure of it!” Tails’s comforts only gave me a greater stone in my heart, but I knew he was only trying to help.

“Thanks, buddy. Take care of yourselves.” I pulled away but felt Tails resisting.

I paused as Knuckles saw I couldn’t show Tails my face… and took his arm.

“Come on, kid. He’s got a whole galaxy and then some to save.” Knuckles helped pulled Tails off and redirect his tears and anguish onto himself, having him coil up with his tails around Knuckles and start banging his chest.

“He doesn’t have to go alone! We could go with him!” he cried out, as I froze in my spot… tired. Too tired to even walk ahead… to be away from hearing it… to be away from my friends who were as close as family to my lonely self now… though I’d never admit it out loud.

“...Then who’d be here, Tails? Guarding the Master Emerald? Saving this world?” Come on, don’t give him--or me--that.” He patted his back strongly, “Stay strong, kid. We’ve gotta show him off with strength, it’s that strength he’ll need for the coming battle.”

“R-right…” Tails fought through his tears and turned around, “Sonic… We’re with you. You have our strength.” he held up his fists,... but I didn’t feel strength.

I felt so… weak.

I felt my body wanting to just submit but I wouldn’t let it.

I gave a sharp nod behind me, letting it linger, showing my friends nothing was going to phase me… and took off.

I couldn’t face Amy.

How could I?

I almost collapsed to my knees unable to move from everyone else!

However… my feet brought me to her home, and by now, it was pretty late at night.

She had no idea.

She didn’t know I was leaving, how long I’d be… how I needed her to move on.

A part of me hated to imagine that. But as I approached the home, the lights were out, and I felt a moment of relief.

‘Sleeping…’ my eyes lowered, as I tenderly and sorrowfully looked up to her window. ‘Quietly… peacefully… I shouldn’t disturb it.’

I felt so weary… tired of saying so many goodbyes without actually saying the stupid word.

I hated it.

The tears… the fear no one was admitting… the unknown was now looming over my fate, and at first I felt prepared… but now… I just wanted to get it over with.

‘Keep my friends safe first, then move on.’ I tightened my fist, finding a resolve. ‘I’ve gotta at least see her… Even if it is the last time…’

I felt power rising back to my bones, my muscles tensing and getting ready. I zoomed off to pick a flower, one I had always found to be Amy’s favorite--and well, might as well admit mine too--and took off to a tree branch right at her window.

I was off-balance, flailing a bit as I only had the tip of my shoe to steady myself on the ledge of her bedroom window, but putting the flower in my mouth I started to squeeze my fingers through the small crack under the plane.

It gave way, at last, not being locked.

I slowly rose it up after a few tugs and darted in, rolling on the ground with my quills as a cushion to make sure I landed swiftly but didn’t cause a stir.

Not much of a sound, besides the tumbling of my feet back to the ground.

I rose up and looked to my side…

Even in the night air, her quills swayed in blissful ignorance of the current situation. Her soft breaths lured me in and back, as my feet began to softly tread forward towards her.

I passed her nightstand, with a picture of us holding up peace-signs and hearts with our fingers and thumbs, just something goofy we did at some park or whatever.

Near it, a vase of the flowers I usually brought her. Some were wilted, yikes. I had kinda hoped I would visit at least enough times so she could switch them out frequently enough to not keep the dead ones.

I flinched at that imagery and thought… she kept the dead ones… when I didn’t replace them fast enough… and visit her often.

I took the flower out of my mouth and gently was about to place it on her nightstand… but stopped.

Time froze then, as my eyes darted up.

I won’t accept this.

I pulled back the flower to me and squinted my eyes, turning away from the picture and bent flowers, balding as their petals lay around the vase’s bottom…

I was getting irritated. Amy was the last, I had to do more than this. It wouldn’t be fair… no matter how much I dread it… I can’t just leave her without her final words…

I lightly pressed the freshly picked flower up to my muzzle… taking in it’s scent and thinking how I was going to do this… efficiently… without her suspecting this was my final farewell…

To lose her… to knowly have her lose me…

How to word this… how to even plan this?

All of that faded when I took another glance at her.

My serious expression was replaced with silent admiring.

She was so loyal. Any man would be crazy not to see her fidelity.

...She’d move on without me…

Find someone to love, Amy? I couldn’t say that, it almost made me gag to think about it. Plus, I’d think about it in hindsight once I’m floating in the nethersphere and realize that was too boldly assuming Amy could find anyone besides her miraculous gift at always locating me.

Be loved, Amy? As if no one does, that’s just cruel. She’s constantly surrounded by people and friends that adore her. No… No, I couldn’t say that.

She’d stir and think something was wrong with either of those lines…

I tapped the flower against my muzzle, further watching her quills sway gently in the blowing breeze, as though comforting her from the heat of the moment she was so innocently unaware of.

‘Alright,’ I finally said, having taken long enough time to figure this out. I hadn’t thought about any of my goodbyes this long because the people were already awake and holding up fronts. No fronts here… Just Amy. Sleeping. Waiting patiently for me to come by and replace a dozen of her dying roses…

Man, this was hard.

I leaned my head back and felt myself wincing at the idea I had come up with. Fool her into thinking she was dreaming? It could work, since Amy often daydreams and would go, ‘Is this a dream?’ quite frequently.

Yeah… That outta do it.

I sighed, this would still be faking it unless…

I twirled the stim of the flower between my two finger tips…

Unless I put the front down.

I looked away… I knew what I was talking about, duh.

But… that would be hard. I’m normally really shy about expressing my feelings, especially when it comes to receiving admiration or… Well, or this.

I lightly kissed the flower for good luck, winked to try and get myself into a romantic mood, but also took a long breath in and harshly let it out in a bit of stubbornness to prepare myself for speaking with my heart over my image…

Her hero… deserves to send himself off after wishing her goodnight.

I moved to her bedside and decided it was best to bend to one knee, at least, she may find it endearing.

Lightly, I teased her awake gently by brushing the rose over her eye, twiddling it before lightly stroking her face like it was a paint brush.

She gave little, soft groans of discomfort, tenderly waking up as I smiled in eagerness to see her again.

I didn’t want to think this was the last time, nor play it out like that.

I wanted, at least this one, to be genuine but disguised as a wishful, whimsical dream she was having. I could… send myself off knowing she was happy.

That was the way I wanted it to be. An ideal.

Amy crying in my arms and me having to hold her till it was time to go was too painful to even bare a thought of!

I didn’t want to waste my time trying to comfort when this wasn’t something that anyone could be comforted on!

Strength… Knuckles spoke of strength?

I tsked, I didn’t want to leave Amy with ‘strength’ or take anyone else’s strength when they needed all the help they could get!

They already mustered everything together to see me off, I wouldn’t bare it again, I would never let Amy bare that either…

Maybe she’d hate me when she fully came too, realized what had happened, and sob for centuries…

I felt something stab at my throat, and I forced myself to swallow after a few failed attempts.

‘Don’t cry, Amy… I want to make that very clear.’ I thought I could do this, but seeing her blink her eyes open made me realize how I really just wanted to flee from this whole ordeal.

I didn’t want to break Amy’s heart. Even knowing she’d cry later was just as equally tormenting than having her do so in front of me now.

I wouldn’t break her heart… but I probably should. I wouldn’t dwell too much on it. Amy’s a big girl now, she’ll have to come around and realize that I’m not coming back-

I couldn’t finish my thoughts as she rubbed her eyes and yawned, looking over to me.

“...Emm… Sonic?”

Now was my last chance… to tell her everything or… at least, not put up the charades anymore.

“Heya.” I whispered, finding a smile I didn’t realize I still had. “Long time no see.”

She looked a bit confused, maybe still half-way through dreamland, but relaxed back and took my hand holding the flower, “Flowers~” she giggled, and suddenly my entire night was made.

“Yeah, just for you.” I played, dangling the flower above her head and watched her drowsily paw at it like a cat would a string. She scrunched her nose up, still snickering as though trying to laugh but her lungs hadn’t woken up that far yet.

“I like it.” she yawned again, and her batting reach grew lesser and lesser until I handed her the flower. “I missed you.” her grip on my hand was so light… I didn’t realize how the touch would send me into such immediate, gripping grief.

My heart was being choked, man, I’m so dramatic! I never knew I could feel this intensely about something like saying goodbye to everyone!

It wasn’t goodbye… If I told myself that, I could do it!

“I-” I felt my voice get constrained and had to take a moment to wipe my own face and get a grip. ‘Keep it together, Sonic… or she’ll know.’ I pep-talked myself and shook my head, “I thought you would.”

“Hehe… You’re still funny.” she let her sluggish finger poke and slide around my face, making me watch her with a puzzled but funny look that continued to keep her laughing.

“Am I still in a dream?”

That… made me so happy.

“Well, depends.” I stated, getting comfortable as I moved from my knee to squatting by her side, inching closer and pulling my hands back to give my heavy head some leverage… more than what I could do for my heart at this point. “What was going on in your dream?”

“Hmm…” she thought a second, almost closing her eyes and drifting back to sleep.

Maybe that was for the best… but…

I kinda didn’t want it to end.

“Amy..?” I lightly called out to her as her eyes twitched slightly and she graced me again with their vision… green… darker than mine, but emerald like the sea below Angel Island… highlighted by it’s chaotic glow.

“We were… having a picnic… in Spagonia, maybe?” she rubbed her eyes, still having the other hand holding mine.

“Ah, I remember that!” I instantly found myself looking up, and my spirits soar. “You were so obsessed with the architecture! You barely ate, you had so much to say about how beautiful it all was.”

“Well, it was..!” she lazily commented, her eyes trying to fight the sleep. I didn’t feel bad about keeping her somewhat awake though… I realized… I needed this. I needed this too.

“Amy… You were beautiful there too.” My words I had never uttered allowed, now made me think back and remember all the times I’ve thought it, but wouldn’t dare speak it out loud. “But you know that, don’t you?” I smiled even wider, seeing her pause a second as though falling back to sleep or in disbelief.

“This is a dream!” she exclaimed and started laughing as though evilly, “Then come to bed. I need a good cuddle…”

I looked away and had to hide my snickering, I never knew Amy could be scandalous! ...scratch that, I never knew she would DREAM of something so ridiculous!

“How about just your hand?” I cradled it with both mine, seeing her fiddle with the flower and press it right up to her nose. I worried it’s strong scent would wake her up… but it didn’t. I tossed her dead-weighted hand around and toyed with her a moment, before lowering my head to it, and letting her own scent trail its way into my memory and feel her warmth from the bed’s covers override my own heated anxiety.

“Amy… I-” I felt my eyes growing sleepy too… All the times I could have just teased her by climbing over the covers and laying beside her… how I wanted that more than ever, to just… take a nap and let each other hold the other… No images, no expectations… just.... Tired. “I missed you too.”

“Hmm?” she was waking up more, I needed to make this quick.

“Heh,” In the moments I had had with her… this was bound to be the best, though bittersweet, of my favorites. “I’m gonna miss you… but I need you to go back to sleep now, finish that wonderful dream of yours… and never stop having it.” I couldn’t tell her to move on. Gosh dang it, I couldn’t!

I was holding her hand, I was letting it rest right up against my face and I- … I-!!!

I was getting to invested in this goodbye.

I speedily let go of her hand and got up, startling her awake.

“H-huh?”

I gripped my fists tightly, “This was a mistake.” I looked away, “I can’t stay here… I can’t say these things anymore.”

“Sonic..?”

“I have to go away now, Amy.” I couldn’t be sweet to her, I’d ruin her!

“What… why?” she started to turn on the bed, “Is this… real?”

A real nightmare. I was gonna die. I knew it. Even if I lived, I would be stuck in another dimension with no way out.

Tails… Even if there was another Tails, Knuckles, and-... And Amy! I would owe it to her but..! But..!

“If I find you again… I won’t hold back anymore, alright?” I didn’t want to make a promise.

“What..? N-no…” She started to sit up on her bed, and I rushed to put the covers back over her, hoping to convince her to go back to bed.

“No other will do… that’s wrong, isn’t it?” I had seen people who looked like my friends in other dimensions… it was foolish of me to think that would suffice. Amy… if she knew what I was saying, she’d probably stomp the ground and cry out that it wouldn’t be fair, that none of those other girls were still her… it would be too cruel. I’ve messed up. I’ve gotta go-!

I felt her suddenly grapple me and turn me onto the bed.

“A-Amy!” I was absolutely startled, I didn’t expect her to be so strong while she was still getting up.

“I’m cold.” she lied, holding me down and tightly. “Don’t go.”

“Amy, I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore..!” I tried to fight it, but she was absolutely strong, and I even questioned if she was faking being asleep.

But I waved my hand over her eyes and watched as they closed and she was slowly falling back to sleep.

“You make this so challenging.” I huffed, but smiled and chuckled at how even in her sleep, she was a rascal. “I can’t stay…” I lightly put my hand to the side of her face, which she leaned into, and tried to move her head to my chest. “But trust me,... if there is a way… I won’t fail you twice.” I cupped her adorably sleepy but scarily strong head in my hands as she tried to resist it a bit, but was able to move and lower her back to her pillow. Slyly figuring out a way to not disturb her, I pushed the other pillow to have her hold it, and made my way out of her grasp. “Phew…”

Memories of Amy’s antics swarmed me… then Tails… then Knuckles… then everyone…

I ended up falling to my butt and spending a good minute trying to conceal my tears without a sound.

She fell asleep… thank goodness.

I got up and picked up the flower that was slightly crushed from under her back, and placed it back on the counter. I took two petals that had fallen and placed one in her hand… then the other I tucked under my glove and held in the space between my bare palm and glove.

“Don’t wait for me anymore.” I tugged the bottom of my glove down, making sure the petal wouldn’t accidentally fall out and that it was secure. I gave one final, good look over to her…

“...But dream of me… always…”

-A New Day-

I woke up immediately when I groggily read the text from Tails that Sonic was badly injured, but somehow, used the last of the Chaos Energy inside his body to locate the Master Emerald across dimensions, and jumped!

“Jumped!? W-woah-woah!” I fell out of my bed and crashed hard on my chin, but adjusting to the pain, I kept scrolling through the updates.

He was Chaos Controlled directly from the Master Emerald with the help of a confused Knuckles who reacted at once and used his own influence over the Master Emerald to channel it’s power to wherever Sonic was reaching from.

He apparently came back, half-alive…

My eyes shook in terror, “Oh, Sonic!” I felt my heart leap out of my chest as I quickly wrote back as I spoke the words aloud. “Where is he!? I’ll house him. Tell Vanilla and Cream to bring everything to my house! Food, medicine, the works! We won’t lose him again!”

My eyes were still red from countless, sleepless nights of waiting for him to come through my window and surprise me again. I really had thought I imagined it… but I woke up with a petal from a new flower in my hand, and looked to see the one from my hallucinations that night on my nightstand.

When the others told me what he had done, I bashed the trees down and ranted with a mighty thunder in my step and tone how they should have believed in him more, should have given him hope, and the strength he needed wasn’t their undying love for him but their support in that he could do the impossible!

I kept telling myself, ‘Of course, he’ll come back!’ but my anger was from knowing that when he was trying to take my hand and say goodbye… he couldn’t.

He needed me! Oh, how my Sonic needed me to pull him in and shout out to the universe that he was going to be alright, that he was going to return, and that none of this was necessary!

I should have woken up and seen more clearly! I should have… I was the only one who could have contested their naysaying and cheered him up. I would have… I would have gotten so many words out that would be completely incoherent due to my rushing tears…

They brought him to me right away, and I was upset I couldn’t reach them in time to have helped moved him, but they insisted I stay put.

When I saw him… on a white gurney and barely able to stay awake… looking rough and completely done for… I felt my whole being cry out that he would make it… but my whole being slid down the door’s frame at just seeing him look so badly… so drained of life... 

He was out for days… but he had been gone for so long…

I was replacing his bandages, starting with the cooling rag, I was just gonna wipe him down from the sweat. I put him in my own bed and was sleeping by the side of the bed with my head to his side at night… sleeping in my chair, nursing him back to health.

He didn’t make much noise expect for awful twitches that would make me think he was dying… it scared me so much… but I held his hand as he would groan in his sleep, as though trying to move and wake up … but couldn’t.

Couldn’t… shouldn’t… wouldn’t… 

Could, would, should…

These words were infuriating me lately.

I dipped the cool rag into the water on my nightstand, which I had used to replace the vase with flowers, but kept the last flower in a see-through box, letting it sit on my windowsill as I waited through endless nights for him…

My eyes must have made me look like a raccoon rather than a hedgehog by now… but as I wiped them and patted his darling, but hurt face… I finally saw him breath out and roll his head towards my touch.

My eyes widened, was this his last breath or first real moments of consciousness?

“S-…” I felt my voice break against a dam of emotions. “Sonic?” Then flood my mouth, “Sonic!?” the sound vibrated to every cell, sparking me to life as I jolted up and hung over him. “Sonic, can you hear me!?”

His eyes were blurred, but he opened them, looking around as though unable to see me.

“Sonic! Sonic, you’re alive! You’re here!” I said that to assure him of him, not for myself.

I embraced him with restrained joy, trying to not hurt him further, as I heard him cough and try and reach his hand up.

I immediately pulled back and helped him up, hearing him hiss at the pain but fighting it.

“S-sorry! I’ll let you rest more-” I was gonna lower him back down but he put a hand out to my shoulder, as though telling me not too.

He adjusted himself to leaning back and I put pillows in his way to give him some comfort as he was somewhat up now.

“How are you feeling? You okay?” That was stupid to ask, but I was so worried… one peep, one little, measly sound would drown out all this panicking… anything!

He coughed again, and looked around.

Seeing where he was, his eyes widened and he looked back to me, as though stunned.

“You’re home… Sonic, you’re…” I covered my mouth, bursting into tears and dropping to my knees, holding myself up with my other hand gripping the bed.

I turned my hand around to show him the palm of my hand, tucked into my gold bracelet was his petal he had left in my hand, ripped and torn, crinkled and decaying… I never let it go.

He smiled and let out a puff of relief and--what I assume to be--joy as he scratched weakly at his own glove.

“Y-you want it off..?” I was speaking through tears, and blinked several times to see what I was doing, and wiping my tears away before lifting his glove up and seeing…

Not even tarnished. It was as though the petal in the palm of his hand was eternal, as though the dimension was only a blink in time, but it was still a vibrant rosy color, pinkish hue, but leaning more towards the red.

I dipped my head to his hand and just cried, kissing the palm and the petal as I knew what it meant.

“I missed you too.” I finally broke my voice and wailed in my tears.

I knew he hated goodbyes and crying…

But I knew how much he loved ‘hellos’.

(resisted Italics this time lol  Better with or without them? -meaning both Bold, Underlined, etc.-)

(ALSO! I remembered I was gonna do kissing but I was so wrapped and enthralled in the drama that I forgot o-o; Eh, makes it more in-character XD)

[ssamie]

nine. SOFT

suna rintaro x fem! mitsuri reader

(kny x hq)

warnings: spelling mistakes,  2k+ words, italicized words/ sentences are her thoughts, mitsuri’s hair+eye color was used.

gen masterlist.      sakura mochi.

"suna-kun, what is this for, exactly?" she hummed curiously as she held onto his hair 

"f-for my strength of course" suna replied. he was currently tasked to do a hundred pushups by kita after lazing off at practice for way too many times. and he, for some reason, found it a good idea to make her sit on his back as he does this. 

there was really no telling what ran through suna's mind when he thought it would do him well to have her weighing him down

"but wouldn't your arms hurt from carrying me?" she asked with worry lacing her tone as she prompts to stand up 

"no, no. stay there." suna demanded as he pulled her back down on his back 

"well, im not really the lightest girl on the planet, so this may be really hard for you.. and it's extremely embarrassing for me" she muttered with a frown "and shouldn't i be sitting closer to your lower back?" she asks "this position will give you bad backaches" 

she gestured to herself, as she sat on his upper back, way too close to his shoulder blades, while her legs were slung over his shoulders 

"im likely to be quite heavier than most girls since my body mass is quite higher than normal, given the muscles that i train" she said "plus.. my more fatty areas if you may" she mumbled as she cleared her throat and nervously hugged her chest 

"no, no. you're perfectly fine the way you are, bunny" suna dismissed her self-deprecating comments with a scoff 

"besides this keeps me motivated" he mumbled out with a content sigh as he pushed her thighs closer to his face

her hand lightly gripped his hair as she let him squish his face with her thighs. "i don't really get how this is motivating" she chuckled sheepishly

"of course you wouldn't, you're not the one feeling bliss right now" suna said, though his words were slightly muffled "alright then.." she nodded with a bit of hesitance as she felt him tremble a concerning amount 

"um. suna-kun, if you think your arms are about to give out, then maybe we should stop for now" she suggested with a smile as she tries to stand up from his back 

"nah, i can do this bunny" he declined in a nonchalant tone 

"suna , what the hell are you doing?" aran sweat dropped as he entered the gym "oh! he's doing the punishment push-ups, aran-kun" she explained with a smile as suna shakily lifts himself up once more "yeah i get that but-" 

"OI, SUNARIN! WHAT DO YOU THINK YER DOING?!" atsumu yelled as he hurriedly ran towards y/n. the blond picked her up from her armpits and carefully lowered her to the ground 

"ah, that's it. the motivation's gone. i can't do this anymore" suna sulked as he let himself drop facedown on the ground "eh? is your face okay?" she asked worriedly as suna rolled over, showing his forehead which had a reddish bruise forming 

"no." suna responded 

"good afternoon everyone, what happened here?" kita asked them as he entered the gym "suna-kun lost his motivation" she replied with a frown as she stared down at the brunette 

"i see." kita hummed in response "but that still doesn't excuse him from the punishment." 

"cruel" suna mumbled from the ground 

"ah, don't worry! i'll do the rest for you" she said with a bright smile as she gets down on the ground beside him "no, no. i don't think it works like that, y/n" aran dismissed her suggestion as he picks her up from the ground 

"its fine! he only had to do eighty more, after all" she chuckled as she waved her hand dismissively "i can do it quite quickly" 

"y/n-san, you shouldn't face his punishments for him." kita told her with a furrowed brows "after all, you've been a great manager to us, so you don't have to do anything but relax for now" 

she frowned from his words and gingerly poked suna's chest, seeing as he was making no effort to move from the ground "but then suna-kun might get too tired to hang out with me later.." she muttered sulkingly as she fiddled with the ends of her braids 

"yeah, kita-san" suna mused with an exaggerated pout and puppy eyes "i might not have enough energy to hang out with her" 

"suna, you monster" aran snickered as he watched kita have a crisis in his head 

"i.. i see." kita muttered in defeat "you can do what you want" 

"but you really don't have to-" 

"okay, it's your turn to get on my back then, suna-kun!" she said with a smile as she got in a push-up formation "huh? is that really necessary, bunny?" suna gulped nervously "you may not be able to carry me-" 

"alright!" she cut him off as she abruptly pulled him down to sit on her, "tsumu-kun, count for us please!" 

"right right!" atsumu nodded in excitement as he got down to cheer her on 

"you see this, samu?! y/n-chan could probably do this better than you!" atsumu laughed tauntingly 

"hah?! she's probably also better than you, fatsack!" osamu yelled back in aggravation 

"hah?! well atleast i'm better than you!" atsumu defended "we'll see about that" osamu scowled as he got down on the ground beside her 

"fine then, i'll just join to prove you wrong!" atsumu huffed as he too got ready to do push-ups 

"theres more of us now! that's great!" she cheered cluelessly as she gave the twins a grin "alright, i'll count" suna mused as he pulled out his phone to take a video 

"ready, set, go!" and thus, what was supposed to be a punishment had turned into a competition. 

"h-how many have we done?!" atsumu wheeze out as he felt his arms start to tremble "hm, about a hundred and fifty maybe" she answered him with a hum as she continued to push her self up and down from the ground 

"that's way more than needed!" atsumu whined 

"you could always give up if you can't do it, tsumu!" osamu taunted his twin, even though he was facing some troubles as well. 

"hmph, as if! this is easy!" atsumu boasted with a grin "i could do this in my sleep" 

"im glad to hear that, tsumu-kun!" she beamed happily "shall we do another hundred then?" 

atsumu's face dropped as she heard those words leave her mouth. his skin was turning ghostly pale as he nervously laughed in response. "a-another hundred?" he squeaked out 

"yep! suna-kun seems to be enjoying this quite a lot, after all" she said with a smile as she looked at the brunette 

suna was currently taking way too many selfies, which were all taken at a facebook mom angle, while he throws up peace signs and flipping off the twins "alright, now here we see the miya twins getting absolutely bodied by y/n." suna sneered to the camera as he zoomed in on the twins' faces 

"look at her! look at her go!" suna cheered with a playful smirk as he patted y/n's braided locks 

"the absolute best. spectacular. amazing. never been seen before. better than all of you." suna listed out

"yuh, get it best friend" suna chuckled as the twins finally gave up and let themselves drop on the ground 

"ah, over already?" she said "usually i would have to do a thousand for our typical training session with my friends" 

"your friends are not normal! who the heck does that?!" atsumu shrieked in horror "well, it doesn't matter now, doesn't it?" she laughed carefreely "you both did a very nice job!" 

she patted their heads with a proud smile as she handed them two towels to wipe off their sweat "thanks" the twins mumbled out with a droopy smile as they relished in her sweet and gentle touches 

"anyways.." she said as she abruptly retracted her hands, much to their displeasure, and turned to face suna "suna-kun, we can hang out now, now that that's done" she said in an eager tone as she excitedly rocked her heels back and forth 

"yup. thanks again bunny" suna said as he slung his arm around her shoulders "but you really didn't have to do that for me" he said with a lazy hum as he led her to the benches 

"oh, it's fine. it was honestly pretty easy-" 

she cut herself off as she was met with suna's face inching closer to her, while his hand reaches out to hold the side of her head "eh?" she squeaked out as she blinked to make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her.

'is he.. is he gonna kiss me?'   she thought to herself 

'im not ready!'  she panicked as she felt her face start to get hotter 

'no, no. im ready! i've been dreaming of this!'  she pondered with determination 

'suna-kun is gonna kiss me!'  she squealed internally  

'then afterwards, we can get married and live together and have a family of bunnies and hamsters! maybe we can adopt tanjiro and nezuko too-' 

"your hair's all messy" suna mumbled as he grazed his fingers through the long braid before finally taking the hair tie off at the ends 

"ah." she huffed out with a blank smile 

she sat still as he took off her other hair tie and started undoing and untangling her braids, leaving her long and thick pink and green hair flowing down in pretty waves upon her back

"turn around for me, bunny" suna commanded in a whisper as he patted her waist to turn "o-okay" she replied nervously as she obediently turned around and kept her hands on her lap 

"your hair's so pretty, bunny" suna whispered to her ear as he started combing his fingers through her soft locks "really? thank you, suna-kun" she mumbled out in gratitude as she flusteredly rubbed her hands and thighs together 

"and your hair colour's so adorable. makes you look so cute" suna cooed as he played with the ends of her hair 

"r-right.." she mumbled quietly as she covered her reddened face with her hands. silence had washed upon them along with the various voices of the team as suna started braiding one side of her head 

"where did you learn how to braid, suna-kun?" she asked in curiosity as she held down the other half of her hair "my sister made me do her hair all the time, so i just got better as time went by" suna explained with a shrug 

"can't say her hair was as nice as yours though" suna sighed "it was like a rat's nest with all the knots" 

her eyes shined in adoration as she heard his adorable reason. she gripped her pounding chest as hearts start surrounding her form "suna-kun, that's so sweet!" she squealed "i never expected that from you!" 

"guess so, hm?" suna mumbled out nonchalantly as he tied her hair in place 

'ah, just as i'd thought' she thought to herself 

'he's the perfect husband after all!'  she cried happily in her mind

"anyways, what'd you wanna do?" he asks her as he proceeded to braid the other side "hm, we could go to the same place kiyoomi-kun and i went to yesterday!" she suggested with a grin 

"he liked it, so im hoping you would as well" she hummed happily as suna ties the end of her braid 

"is that so?" suna hummed "where is this exactly?" he asked "its a secret hideout!" she said "but.. its only a wisteria garden and a private teahouse" she admitted 

"theres also a koi pond by the back, but kiyoomi-kun wasn't able to see it" she said "i was hoping to save it for you" she admitted bashfully 

"for.. me?" suna muttered in surprise 

"yeah.. i went there last night to prepare you food so we can eat by the pond and watch the sunset.." she mumbled "but i was also thinking of doing it at night since the fireflies would light our surroundings and it would look really pretty.." she hummed dreamily 

suna blinked dumbfoundedly as he listened to her ramble on and on about their planned hangout 

"but we could also-oh im sorry" she cut herself off with a nervous laugh "was i talking too much?" she asked nervously "sorry if i talked too much!" 

"people say i never shut up, so you can tell me when i'm annoying you" she waved her hands dismissively "you're not annoying me, bunny" suna said with a sigh 

he took her shaking hands in his and pulled her up to her feet. "let's go have that picnic you planned out, yeah?" suna asked with a small smile "wouldn't wanna let your efforts go to waste" he chuckled 

"okay.." she muttered as she hung her head low. her cheeks flushed a dark pink as she nipped at her lips to calm herself and her pounding heart. 

"y'know, your hands are really soft, y/n" suna said as he brought her hand up to his line of sight to further inspect it 

"a-ahm! please don't do that!" she laughed sheepishly as she retracted her hand and hid it behind her back "why? what's wrong, bunny?" suna asked worriedly as he stopped in his tracks to look at her 

"well, my hands aren't the prettiest so you shouldn't look at them for too long" she said with a shaky smile. suna furrowed his brows and frowned as he listened to her awfully degrading words. 

"they're the prettiest, bunny. i don't get what you're talking about" he said 

"well, my hands are super scarred because if sword fighting, and they're very nasty to look at" she said as she rocked on her heels "or so i've been told.." she muttered 

suna sighed and slumped his shoulders, stuffing his own hands in his pockets as they quietly continued on their way. her usual smile wasn't present as she kept her vision straight ahead. her hands stayed hidden behind her back as well. 

suna slyly side eyed her, debating in his head on what he would do, before coming to conclusion with a sigh "c'mon, im in the mood to eat" he said with a yawn 

he grabbed her hand and stuffed it in his pocket alongside with his. his thumb lightyly rubbing shapes on the scarred skin. 

'what is he doing?'  she thought to herself 

her eyes glistened as she put her other hand over her chest, her heart beating more erratically than before. "if we do this, you won't feel sad anymore right?" suna muttered as he looked away to avoid eyecontact 

"i think so.." she mumbled in reply 

"alright then, its settled" suna huffed out. "were walking like this starting now, kay?" 

"that way no one'll see your hands since you don't like it" he said. his olive green eyes peered at her as he put up a nonchalant facade to throw her off. 

'he's doing this all for me?'  she thought to herself 

'wow.. suna-kun really is the best' 

she smiled happily as she scooted closer to his side. suna sighed in relief as the skip in her step finally came back, as well as the sweet melody she always seems to hum. 

"are you happy now, bunny?" he asked her 

"yeah! and it's all thanks to you, suna-kun!" she said as she swayed her other hand back and forth while the other stays intertwined with his 

"glad i could help, bunny" 

"so this is giyuu's fish, and that one's rengoku-san's, that white one with red spot is uzui-kun's" she listed out 

"muichiro-kun's fish is dead because he forgot about it and it starved to death" she said 

"and this is mine!" she said as she pointed to a certain koi fish in the pond 

"i have no idea who those people are, but let me see yours.." suna scooted closer to the water and watched as the fish followed her finger, which she swirled around the water 

"i named him koi" she said with a smile as she lifted the fish out of the water "you named the koi fish koi?" suna sweat dropped 

"yup! and also because it means love" she explained "obanai-kun helped me name it.. he said it suited me as the owner" 

"it does suit you" he agreed with a nod 

"anyways, you better put him back or he'll die" suna said as he pointed to the fish in her palms which was flapping around in discomfort 

"ah! im sorry, koi-chan!!" she exclaimed as she gently placed it down on the pond "i forgot you can't breathe here!" she cried out as she leaned down to pet it gently with her finger 

"have some mochi!" she squeaked out in distress as she tried to feed it a whole ball of sakura mochi. she panicked even more as the fish declined her offering and opted to swim away 

"eh?! you don't like it?! are you mad at me?" she sulked as she gloomily placed the mochi on a lily pad and let it float away 

suna chuckled and pulled her back by her arm, letting her rest her back on his chest as she continued to sulk "you're adorable, bunny" he muttered with a soft laugh as he rested his chin on the crown of her head 

'so soft.'  suna thought to himself as he wrapped his arms around her.

"sorry about that, suna-kun" she said "koi-chan might hate me if i don't leave him some mochi on his lily pad like usual"

"though im starting to think he doesn't actually eat it and oba-chan just takes it out by morning.." she mumbled "hmm, im sure he eats it with his fish friends." suna said as to entertain her

"but now, we have to eat as well" he said as he took a mochi and shoved it in her mouth

"mmhm. thwanks suna-kun" she said through muffled words as she chewed the gummy treat. suna simply peered down at her, watching her eat with a single thought causing his mind to go in a frenzy

"should i do it.." he pondered out loud as he hesitantly brought his hands up to her face

"hm? do what- eh?" she blinked dumbly and looked up at him with curious doe eyes "what're you doing, suna-kun?" she asked him 

"hmm.. soft." he mumbled 

she blinked cluelessly as he kept on squishing and massaging her cheeks, lightly pinching the soft and plump tissue with a look of amazement 

"so soft." he mumbled once again as he pinched them one last time 

"hm.. what else should we do?" she asked him as she scooted away from him to face him properly. she smiled nervously as suna kept staring at her with his olive green eyes. 

his expression stayed monotonous, almost like he didn't care, but the bright and flowery aura surrounded him, said otherwise.

"should we walk home or take the train?" she asked him "the miya's residence and your home isn't really that far away, right?" she pondered 

"though, i don't want you to tire yourself out by walking" she said in concern "sorry, am i talking too much again?" she asked with an apologetic smile as she realised he still hasn't responded or moved an inch from his initial position 

"its fine, bunny." he spoke "i think i wanna walk home with you" he said as he stood up from the ground and dusted the bottom of his sweatpants 

"i'd like to hold your hand again" he admitted through a yawn as he stretched his arms over his head 

"eh? really?" she asked in disbelief 

"of course" suna reassured her "though, after this i'd like to see you training with a sword." he said "it'd be cool seeing you swing it around and deck some guys, yeah?" suna mused as he looked around the wisteria covered path 

"really? would you like to visit the dojo with me sometime?" she asked excitedly with a grin 

"sure, bunny" 

"i'd also like to meet whoever said your hands were ugly. i'll beat them up."

"ah, there's no need to" she chuckled nervously 

"so.." suna trailed off "wanna hold hands again?" 

"yes please."

[canyousevmyheavydirtysoul]

All Fall Down. (R. Ross x Reader)               

For: anon

Request: could you do a ryan or gerard x reader where the reader is sick? if not it’s totally cool, just wondering

REQUESTS ARE OPEN.

                                 ——————

It was inevitable; you knew that. Your days were numbered, and regardless of how careful you were, no matter how many precautions you took, you knew that you would eventually fall. The stomach bug had been making the rounds on the Pretty. Odd. tour, and unless you were one of the four band members who were being kept away from everyone else, you were fair game.

“Ryan, don’t,” you croaked, using what little strength you had left to push yourself up into a sitting position on your bunk.

You were dazed and disorientated and had no idea what time it was. Looking out of the small window next to your bed was no help either; the grounds on which the tour bus stood was completely shrouded in darkness. It could’ve been the impending promise of nightfall, or it could have just been the dreary Maine weather.

It felt as if you had only just fallen asleep, yet it also felt like you’d been sleeping for months. The blankets had become your enemy, drawing you into a battle of constant pushing and pulling as your body temperature fluctuated between extremes.

Making the mistake of turning around to look if Ryan had entered the bus, your stomach churned and your head spun.

“Oh god, here it comes,” you choked out, hand flying to your mouth as you stood up and staggered to the tiny bathroom.

Hearing the commotion, Ryan hurried onto the bus, struggling to maintain a firm hold on the ginger ale and crackers in his hands.

“My love?” he called to you with concern in his voice, bursting into the bunk area just as you shut the bathroom door. “Too slow; I saw ya! I brought reinforcements.”

The scene inside the compact space was not at all pretty. You were sprawled on the floor, limbs splayed out as wide as the restraining walls would allow. The toilet bowl was directly next to your head; as unappealing as the position was, you were terribly afraid that if you were too far away from it, you would make a mess all over the floor once the contents of your stomach decided to make a premature reappearance.

“Baby, are you okay?”

“Just leave me here to die, Ryan.”

“Never gonna happen, (Y/N).”

At the risk of being yelled at – and catching the bug – Ryan tentatively pushed on the bathroom door, peeking through once it had opened a smidge so that he could see you. When his eyes landed on your limp figure, his boyfriend instincts took over and he burst in and dropped down to your side.

“Oh, my love, you look terrible. What can I do? How do I help?”

“You can go away.” You gave him a weak push – one that barely caused him to move. “Don’t get too close, else you’ll get it too.”

“Don’t care. You need me.”

Even though your head and your heart wanted to argue with him, your body betrayed you and instead of expelling words, it expelled what little contents you had left in your stomach.

Ryan rushed to pick up a washcloth that was hanging over the towel rack, and ran it underneath cold water before gently pressing it to your face. He had felt awful when other members of the crew had fallen victim to the bug and had helped where he could, but seeing you in such a state of agony broke his heart.

Management would have his head if they found out that he was exposing himself to a sicknes when they still had a week and a half of tour left, though he couldn’t care less at this point. You were his only concern.

“Ryan…”

“I’m here, my love. What do you need?”

“To get back to bed. But I’m too weak to lift myself.”

“Say no more-“ He instantly reached down to lift you up, but you lifted a shaky hand to stop him.

“No, get someone else. Someone who isn’tone of the band members.”

Hurt flashed across his soft features. “Why?”

“Because you can’t afford to catch this, and you’ve already exposed yourself too much,” you spoke hoarsely, looking up at him with droopy yet determined eyes, “I can’t kill Ryan Ross. The fans would riot.”

“(Y/N)-“

“Out, Ross,” you commanded, pointing at the door, “I’m serious.”

✧✧✧

“Come on, (Y/L/N). Woman up. It’s medicine, not poison.”

“Those are one and the same, to me.”

With a frustrated groan and a frown etched onto his forehead, Ryan reached over to try and force feed you the medicine. “Would you just- UGH!”

You swatted him away angrily, pushing yourself back to lean against the headboard of the hotel bed. “Leave me aloneeeeee,” you drawled, holding up a pillow to block him. “YOU’RE GONNA GET SICK!”

“I DON’T CARE!”

In one swift movement, he hit the pillow out of the way and straddled you, pressing his legs against your sides to prevent you from wriggling away.

Sighing defeatedly, you folded your arms over your chest to showcase your displeasure, but ultimately resigned yourself to opening your mouth.

“I hate you.”

“I love you too, baby.” The guitarist’s hand was as steady as ever as he lifted the spoon full of liquid up for you to take in. He watched with an intense, unwavering gaze to ensure that you swallowed every single drop.

Your stomach fluttered at his endearing actions, though you didn’t dare to tell him that. The last thing you wanted to do was to encourage his behaviour. It was unresponsible for him to be exposing himself like this, and it irked you that he refused to acknowledge the fact.

Nevertheless, the medicine worked wonders on your frail state, and you settled into an restful slumber shortly after taking the dose. Smiling to himself, Ryan placed a soft kiss on your forehead.

✧✧✧

A couple days later and you had made a full recovery, stepping out of self-appointed quarantine for the first time in who knows how long. You were still apprehensive about re-entering the land of the healthy though, and made a concerted effort to avoid touching anything or anyone as you walked through the venue.

“Hey, look who it is!” Jon beamed at you as you entered the rehearsal area. He was at the far end of the room but despite the distance between you two, you held up one hand to warn him to keep back. “You good?”

“Yeah, yeah – much better, thanks.” You looked around the room carefully. “Have you seen Ryan?”

“Dressing room, I think.”

You nodded. “Thanks, J.”

Before he could reply, you were out the door and on your way to find your boyfriend. You made sure to take the quickest route that allowed you to pass the least amount of people, and kept your hands in your pockets the entire time to avoid inadvertently reinfecting yourself.

Nearing the dressing room, you could hear movement from inside and it prompted you to barrel your way through the door.

“Ryan?”

“Stay back.”

“Why?”

“Because – Oh no, oh no…” he gasped, shoving his way past you and out of the door.

You stepped to the side quick enough for him to fly by, but followed immediately behind him despite his pleas for you not to. Suddenly, seeing Ryan falling prey to the bug erradicated any fear you had of catching it again, and your only concern from then on out was to help him.

Ryan tumbled into the bathroom across the hall, failing to lock the door in his ill state. You rapped your knuckles against the door tentatively.

“My love, I’m coming in, okay?”

“No… no… I’m fine.”

“You sound wonderful.”

A weak groan sounded from the other side of the door. “Go away, (Y/N). I don’t… need you… either.”

His words were a resounding reminder of how abrasive you’d been towards him whilst he was nursing you through your sickness, and you sighed heavily as you mentally cursed yourself for it.

“Ryan, I’m sorry. I was just trying to protect you from all this,” you apologised, pushing the door open a tiny crack, “I know that you were just trying to help, and I’m sorry I treated you so badly. But please, let mehelp you.”

The musician’s response came in the form of an agonising groan; he was too sick to argue any further at this point, so you opened the door and dropped down next to him. Your hand flew to his back to rub soothing circles there.

“Go…” he tried again, but couldn’t subdue his throwing up long enough to say more. His body slumped against the cool wall, eyes droopy as he stared up at you.

“Not a chance, Ross,” you shook your head. “You’re not getting rid of me. No way.”

“Okay… just… promise me one thing.”

“Mm?”

“Promise… that you’ll let me cough on the other guys. If I’m gonna die, I’m taking the rest of them down with me.”

_______________________________

Thank you for reading x

[drprettyboyspence]

You’re a Hero, Spencer Reid

Dr. Spencer Reid/reader 

Summary: Late one night Spencer comes home from an especially difficult case. His girlfriend Y/n persuades him to talk about it. Inspired by the JJ/Will episode “Sick Day” (Season 12 Episode 2) This takes place during Season 15. 

words: 4.9k

warnings: mentions of violence, mental illness (basically the amount of violence in a regular cm episode), angst, very very light swearing,  nothing else to my knowledge! 

a/n: I honestly love that JJ and Will scene so I decided to right one about Spencer. This made up case took we way too long to come up with and honestly I know way too much about lobotomies now lol, but I hope you enjoy!! :) 

It’s 12:30 am, Spencer Reid trudges up the stairs to his second floor apartment which he shares with his girlfriend of 5 years, Y/n Y/l/n. His body on the verge of collapsing but his mind hyped up on adrenaline, Spencer pulls his key out of his pocket before unlocking the door, excited to finally be home after an energy-draining case. He knows he should sleep, the team very rarely gets much sleep during a case and the last one had been short but intense, so it’s been about 48 hours since Spencer has slept if he’s being truly honest. Spencer feels as if he’s in a trance, he’s exhausted but he just knows he won’t be able to sleep if he tries. His exhaustion leads him to crash into a chair near the table, causing it to scrape against the floor loudly. Damn it Spencer thinks, hoping he didn’t wake up his girlfriend but knowing he probably isn’t that lucky. 

“Baby, you’re finally home! I missed you so much!” Y/n says, appearing out of the shadowy hallway, obviously having just woken up. She gives Spencer a hug and notices the way he holds on to her extra tightly, like he does when he’s feeling stressed or overwhelmed. 

“I missed you too Y/n, so much.” Spencer whispers, still enveloping her in a tight hug. The last case had been harder on him than he’s willing to admit, but holding Y/n close to him makes him feel safe, he can’t lose her if he just never lets go, right? 

“Are you okay Spence?” Y/n asks after Spencer finally lets her go. She knows the tells, she may not be an FBI profiler but she can tell when Spencer isn’t okay, and right now is unfortunately one of those times. She can see the way he holds her just the smallest bit too tight, she can see his eyes, droopy from exhaustion but darting around the room at the same time, still hyped up on the adrenaline from the case, and the eye circles that have become a signature look for her boyfriend are even darker than usual, showing he’s been without sleep for likely more than a day. 

“I’m fine Y/n, really, you know how the job is, it's never easy.” Spencer replies, in a manner that shows Y/n he wants to talk about it, but he doesn’t know how to ask and doesn’t want to be a bother. 

“Are you sure Spence? We can talk about it if you want to-“

“I said I’m fine Y/n! Please drop it!” Spencer snaps back at Y/n, regret immediately flushing over his face. He doesn’t yell at her often, and they hardly ever fight, he says he’s seen too many couples separated by tragedy to waste time on silly arguments and quarrels. “I’m sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to snap at you, I think I’m just high-strung and exhausted.” 

“You can’t keep it in Spencer, it will all build up inside and stay with you, you know that. We need to talk about it if it's weighing down on you this heavily, I’ll put the coffee on, it looks like we won’t be sleeping for a while.” Y/n says warmly, walking across the kitchen to switch on the coffee machine. “Okay Spence, start at the beginning…” 

40 hours earlier 

“All I’m saying JJ is that you aren’t even giving science-fiction a chance, its not all-”

“Spence I honestly don’t care, I refused to go to comic-con with you back in the day and I still refuse now, but you can take the boys, they’d love to go.” JJ and Spencer abruptly finish their conversation as they walk into the round table room and see the rest of the team staring back at them with solemn looks on their faces. 

“Let’s get started please.” Emily says promptly as JJ and Spencer take their respective seats at the table, everyone focusing their attention on Garcia.  

“Alright my crime-solving friends today’s devilishness comes to us from the one, the only, sin city itself, Las Vegas, Nevada.” Long-time members of the team glance sympathetically at Reid, knowing how difficult it can be for him to go home, especially now that his mother has been moved closer to Virginia. “Those pictures on your tablet now, they are of Dolores Smith, the fifth victim in a series of what appears to be lobotomies gone wrong.” The team winces, remembering the last time lobotomies had come up in a BAU case. 

“The fifth victim? Why weren’t we called in earlier, lobotomies aren’t exactly a common occurrence, even in Las Vegas.” Rossi asks. 

“This unsub has been driving his victims out into the desert, even crossing state lines, victim number two, Susan Atkins, she was found in Utah, almost 400 miles away. They simply didn’t put it together until the last two victims were found in Las Vegas.”

“Garcia, anything connecting the victims, they seem to be of different sexes and ages.” JJ asks. 

“Yes, this is where it gets tricky, all five victims were schizophrenic patients at Bennington Sanitarium.” It was like a chill went through the room.

“So they were all patients at a mental hospital?” Luke says, clearly confused about the strange energy currently in the room. 

“Tell them Spence” Emily urges. 

“Bennington Sanitarium isn’t just any mental hospital, it's the mental hospital my mom was in.” 

The coffee machine beeps, interrupting Spencer’s telling of the story, he moves to pour the cups. Y/n places her hand on his knee before he can move out of the chair.

“Sweetheart, let me do it, you just sit here and try to relax, you’ve been through enough, the least I can do is a pour a damn cup of coffee for you.” Y/n picks out Spencer’s favorite mug, a Doctor Who one she had bought him for the first Christmas they spent together. They both inhale deeply over the cups of steaming liquid, as good as gold on a late night like this, the 1:20 am flashing over the stove only showing as a reminder that this night won’t be ending any time soon. “Alright, continue.” 

36 hours earlier

“So here’s what we know. All five victims had recently been released from Bennington Sanitarium, they were schizophrenic, having been residents of the hospital for ten to twelve years.” Luke starts the discussion as the jet begins its descent into Las Vegas. 

“Why were they released?” Spencer responds. 

“Garcia, any information you can give us?” Tara asks the computer screen where Garcia’s face pops up. 

“My friends, unluckily because of the discreet nature of mental health records, the mistress of all things technological is having a little bit of trouble narrowing in on the information you search for, but from what I can see, all five victims were taken out of the hospital after responding well to medication, I haven’t gotten to those records yet but I will hit you back as soon as I hear anything, peace out.” 

“You okay Reid?” Emily asks Spencer as quietly as she can, knowing that this case is surely striking a nerve with him, all these victims sharing a very big part of their life with his mother, she probably knew some of them personally. 

“I just have a bad feeling about this, and I tend to listen to those feelings very carefully. Let’s finish this one quick and get back to Quantico.”

“You heard the kid, let’s make quick work of this case and put this bastard away before he can even think about taking another victim.” Rossi states, earning nods from the rest of the time. 

“I hate to burst your bubbles my friends, but a sixth victim has just been found in Las Vegas once again, 63 year old Barbara Sullivan.” Garcia popped in. 

“Alright change of plans everyone, Matt go to the 5th dump site, Tara and JJ, you girls will go to the most recent dump site, Luke and Rossi will go the morgue, try to get any information you can about the lobotomies, Reid and I, we’ll go to Bennington and get insight into why each of these victims were released and what medicines they were on at the time. 

“Sorry to interrupt, but why was Garcia having such a hard time finding the medical records, isn’t that type of thing usually a breeze for her?”  Y/n asks. She’d become quite close to Garcia in the years she and Spencer had been together and there was nothing that girl couldn’t do. 

“We were having trouble with that too to be honest, mental health records are usually rather secretive, but nothing a hacker like Garcia wouldn’t be able to crack in an instant. Can I have another cup of coffee baby?” 

“Of course Spence, anything you need.” Y/n say before filling up another coffee, glad he’s finally relaxed enough to talk freely about whatever happened on this case that was so clearly affecting him. 

34 hours earlier 

“Dr. Reid, good to see you again, I wish we didn’t have to meet under these circumstances though.” The main doctor at Bennington says, having known Spencer over the years Diana had spent at the hospital. 

“Dr., hello. This is BAU Unit Chief Emily Prentiss, we want to ask you some questions about the victims if that would be possible. I know it’s-”

“Excuse me Dr.! Oh I’m sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt! Wait, are you Dr. Spencer Reid of the Behavioral Analysis Unit? I’m a huge fan of your work. Work, oh god you must be here about the recent murders, tragic aren’t they?” A rather hyper man interrupts Spencer. Spencer awkwardly and reluctantly shakes the hand of the stranger, both him and Emily puzzled about this strange interruption. 

“Mr. Robbins, if you would, please leave us alone as the federal agents and I have some important details to discuss. Actually, you may go home for the day, your services are no longer needed, see you tomorrow.” The high-strung man nods eagerly before waving once more and leaving. “I’m so sorry about that Dr. Reid, that would be the new data collector and organizer, Mr. Robbins, a bit hyper for my taste, but that man is a wizard with anything technological.” Just as Emily is about to resume questions about the victims, Garcia calls. 

“What’s up Garcia? Anything you can tell us?” 

“Emily, my sweet, sadly I come once again bearing bad news. A woman has just been reported missing, 54 year old Dana Reeley, schizophrenic, reported missing by her son 20 minutes ago, says he left the house for no longer than 20 minutes, came back to an empty house no signs of struggle.” 

“Is it possible his mother is confused, left the house on her own?” Spencer asks, remembering times his mother had been so confused that she went off on her own. 

“Definitely not, the doors had protective covers, the mother couldn’t get out by herself, it had happened before. By the way, I’m still having an extreme amount of trouble trying to figure out why the victims were taken out of the hospital.” 

“Oh I can help you with that, each of the victims were taken out of this establishment due to the opinions of each of their respective children that they would be better taken care of under their own roofs.” 

“Well, uh- thank you unknown male voice that I’m assuming is the Dr. running Bennington Sanitarium, that’s helpful information.” 

“Dr. thank you for your time, but it seems we should we getting to the police station.” Emily says, realizing that this probably isn’t a good place for Spencer to be, and seeing his face becoming increasingly distressed due to the implications of the information the Dr. had just given them, if they’re going to need him to use his brain to solve this case they need to get out of here. 

“Woah wait one second Spencer, all of the victims were patients at the same hospital that your mom spent years at, they were all schizophrenic, and they were all taken out of the hospital by their children shortly before their murder, that’s a-“

“Hell of a coincidence, I know, and you know me, there’s no such thing as coincidences. This was weird though, like a very small chance that this could be about me, but it was seeming more and more like I was to be more involved with this case than I had thought.” 

24 hours earlier

The rest of the team had gone to bed hours ago, but Spencer is still awake, lying in the hotel bed staring at the ceiling. He debates calling Y/n, he tries not to bring his work home, he tries his hardest to keep the purest thing in his life away from the horrors and despair he sees everyday. He doesn’t want to put two and two together on this case, he doesn’t want to believe that this could all be because of him, all these victims, their lives ended early, simply because he decided to join the FBI those many years ago. It had happened before, Professor Rothschild back in 2009 and he doesn’t like to think about it, but Maeve was in the center of a case inspired by him as well. Spencer knows he’s overreacting, he knows he can’t blame himself, he didn’t kill those victims, and he didn’t force the hand of the unsubs, all he can do now is get some sleep so he can use his IQ of 187 to stop this son of a bitch, stop him from killing anyone else, ever. 

The sound of a stomach rumbling interrupts Spencer this time. 

“Spencer, when was the last time you ate? God knows how long its been since you slept and its probably been even longer since you ate. Tell me how long Spence, please.” Spencer looks down guiltily, knowing that Y/n is going to be mad when he utters his next words. 

“I don’t know um I’m having trouble remembering-“ Y/n’s face tells it all, the man with the eidetic memory can’t remember when the last time he ate was. “It was yesterday afternoon, there were bagels at the Las Vegas police station, terrible ones but I ate one of those, figured I shouldn’t be drinking five cups of coffee a day on an empty stomach.” 

“Yesterday afternoon? Spencer it’s 2:30 am!” 

“Okay so the day before yesterday afternoon I guess, sue me Y/n!” 

“Spencer Reid I know you aren’t trying to tell me you haven’t eaten in over 36 hours! You wouldn’t do that to me right? Sweetheart, you need food! What would you like?” Y/n notices that it’s strange, right now in this moment Spencer looks like a small child, shy and embarrassed. 

“Um, could you…make pancakes?” Spencer quietly asks. Y/n could laugh, Dr. Spencer Reid, renowned FBI agent who will walk into an interrogation room no problem, is scared to ask his significant other to make pancakes. 

“Pancakes is it? Sure thing sweetheart I’ll make pancakes.” 

“With chocolate chips?” Spencer adds.

“Now you’re pushing it.” Y/n retorts back with a giggle, beginning to make the batter, if Spencer hasn’t eaten in 36 hours he deserves better than some nasty boxed pancakes, that’s for sure. “So what happened next Spence?” 

17 hours earlier 

“Good morning Garcia, any information for us?” Luke asks in the morning. 

“Oh newbie how I wish it was a good morning, another victim has been taken, 43 year old Richard Saxons, his daughter reported him missing when she woke up to an empty house, hasn’t seen him since last night.” The team looks at each other with confused glances. 

“Another victim? But he hasn’t dumped the last victim yet, this is a major change in M.O., do we think the last victim is still alive, we need to rethink this.” Emily explains. 

“Okay why a lobotomy? That can’t be the easiest way of killing the victims.” Matt asks.  

“Here’s the thing, this unsub isn’t necessarily meaning to kill the victims. Lobotomies began in the 1880s when Swiss physician Gottlieb Burkhardt removed parts of the cortex of the brains of patients with auditory hallucinations and other symptoms of schizophrenia. Later in 1935 Portuguese neurologist Antonio Egas Moniz is credited with inventing the lobotomy. There are numerous negative effects and since the procedure literally involves drilling into the brain to slice up pieces of the frontal lobes, if it isn’t performed by a doctor there’s a very high mortality rate.” Spencer of course rattles off. 

“That makes sense with what the medical examiner told us, the lobotomies were crudely done but there was no reason to believe the unsub is a sadist, no signs of torture, the bodies were often dumped with what could be taken as remorse.” Rossi adds. 

“Okay so we’re looking at an unsub who’s trying to cure these victims of their schizophrenia.” Tara states. 

“We need to deliver the profile.” 

“We believe our unsub is a white male of medium build, we believe this because all victims have been caucasian and although there have been cases of serial killers crossing racial lines, overwhelming statistics show he’s most likely white.” Luke begins, 

“He has come into contact with all eight victims including the two currently missing, he knew all of them suffered from schizophrenia and were recently released, he waited until they were no longer patients at the hospital , meaning he most likely has a close connection to Bennington Sanitarium and could be tied back to the crimes, if he works at the hospital it puts him between the ages of 25 and 50, he could be the janitor, a cook, any job like that.” 

“We don’t believe he has official medical training because the manner by which the lobotomies were performed lacks the professionalism a doctor could use, but he also demonstrates knowledge of schizophrenia and lobotomies in general, which shows he isn’t dumb, most likely can hold down a job.” 

“Important as well, we don’t believe this unsub necessarily means to kill the victims, he is attempting to help cure these victims of their schizophrenic symptoms, he may have experienced a loss caused by mental health issues or believes the treatment each of the victims received was inadequate.” Tara finishes the profile, all of the team stepping back into the other room. 

“Hey Garcia you’re on speaker with the whole team here” Rossi answers his phone, 

“Hey guys, this is just getting more and more strange, I finally got into the hospital records, it really seemed as though someone was hacking me from the inside, but I finally got in and here’s the kicker, all of the records of the victims have been deleted, who would even have access for that.” Garcia says. 

“Okay we’ll looks into that Garcia, can you start looking at anyone who fits our profile, has access to the records at Bennington, and has purchased items needed to perform an at-home lobotomy in bulk over the last few months, if the missing woman has somehow survived, this unsub needs at least elementary medical equipment in order to keep her alive, hopefully we’ll see it in his credit history.” Spencer instructs to Garcia before Rossi hangs up the phone. 

“You know who might have some knowledge about all of this, that guy from the hospital, I know the Dr. osaid he’s only worked there a few months but maybe he’s seen something, or maybe he’s noticed someone snooping around the online files, we need to go back to the hospital, Spence lets go.” Emily says. 

“So Dr., you’re saying Mr. Robbins hasn’t been to work since you sent him home when we were here last? That’s odd. What did you say his name was again?” 

“Anthony Robbins, like I said before, he’s an odd guy but does good work, no one around here knows him that well though.” Spencer and Emily nod their heads to each other before Emily calls Garcia, 

“Garcia I need a background check on an Anthony Robbins, stat, and send Rossi and Luke to his house, we need to talk to this guy fast, he knows something.” 

“Agents, are you thinking he could have anything to do with this? I can’t imagine Mr. Robbins doing any harm to any one, especially not the patients at this hospital, he is always the kindest to them, the schizophrenia patients in particular.” Another call from Garcia interrupts Emily and Spencer before they can answer. 

“Things are starting to look a little weird, Anthony Robbins, 37 years old, native of Las Vegas, was born to Linda and Christian Robbins, he had a happy childhood, no signs of trauma or abuse that I can see. He doesn’t have a record, juvie or adult, but his life did change when he was 10.” 

“What happened then Garcia.” 

“Reid stop interrupting me, you know how I like to tell my dramatic story. When Robbins was 10 his 7 year old brother Charlie was diagnosed with schizophrenia, when he was 18 he was put into care at a mental hospital, not Bennington but a close by hospital.” 

“Any interest in alternative schizophrenia treatments?” 

“As a matter of fact my dear genius yes, Robbins has been publishing articles for years, and I’m looking at his recent purchases right now, Robbins has been purchasing health care equipment as well as tools needed for an at-home lobotomy, Anthony Robbins is your unsub.”

“Hey Rossi, change of plans, the guy’s our unsub. You sure? Alright you guys stay there in case he comes back, the guy must have a secondary location.” Emily says before hanging up her phone. “Alright Reid that was Rossi and Luke, Robbins isn’t at home and it looks like he left in a hurry, there’s gotta be somewhere else he’s working, Rossi also said he wouldn’t be able to hold anybody in that tiny apartment, there’s no room and neighbors would hear.” 

“Okay let’s think, we profiled he may have suffered some sort of loss. Garcia do you see any type of loss in this guy’s recent history.” 

“Charlie Robbins, his schizophrenic brother, died two months ago.” 

“That’s right before the murders started, that’s gotta be the stressor.” 

“Garcia what hospital was the brother treated at?” 

“Uh, it looks like a place called Smith Sanitarium, he was there was there for almost 20 years.” 

“Smith! I know where that is, it’s scheduled for demolition actually, closed down about a month ago and has been abandoned since, it’s only about a 15 minute drive.” 

“That’s the secondary location, let’s go Reid.” Emily says, the two agents rushing out of the room. 

“Spence, the pancakes are ready.” Y/n says, pouring syrup over the stack, just the way Spencer always likes them. 

“Thank you so much Y/n, I don’t deserve you. I know talking about the case is supposed to make me feel better but I just feel like an idiot. I mean, he was right there the first day we were at the hospital, it was so obvious, why didn’t I see it?” 

“Spencer stop that right now, you can’t blame yourself for any of it, you met that man for less than a minute when your mind was focused on researching the victims, there was nothing about him that should have screamed 'mad scientist performing lobotomies to mourn the loss of his recently deceased schizophrenic brother’, you can’t blame yourself.” Y/n reassures her boyfriend while reaching up to rub his shoulder. He begins eating the pancakes in front of him, groaning slightly at the taste of food after going so long without eating. 

“I love you Y/n, not just because you’re amazing at making pancakes, seriously these are so good, but because you somehow always know how to make me feel better.” 

“That’s my job babe, personal pancake chef and make-Spencer-Reid-feel-better specialist, now tell me what happened next, it seems like you’re almost at the end.” 

10 hours earlier 

“Alright Reid, the rest of the team and Las Vegas police are on their way and will meet us as soon as they can, but you and I are going to be on the scene first, they’re significantly further away than we are, we’ll have to wait for them of course, this man may not be meaning to kill his victims, but he’s killed at least 6 people nevertheless.” Emily says, driving as fast as she can through Las Vegas towards the abandoned mental hospital, Reid quietly looking out the window. Emily is strapping her vest on when she sees Reid walking towards the hospital alone. 

“Reid, no! I told you, we need to wait for backup, it’s too dangerous!” 

“Emily you know how much I respect you, but there’s two victims in there and if they’re on the brink of death, an extra 10 minutes is not something we have, I’m going in.” 

“Damnit Reid” Emily whispers before running after him.

“Anthony Robbins, FBI put your hands up”, Reid loudly speaks as he walks into the hospital with his gun in the air, immediately seeing two victims in chains. 

“Dr. Reid, I’m so happy you’re here! Let’s put the gun down so I can show you the medical masterpiece I have accomplished.” Mr. Robbins says while holding what looks like a grenade in his hand. 

“Mr. Robbins I know you think you’re doing what’s right, but this isn’t what your brother would have wanted, these people did not ask for this, they were doing well with the medication, now I need you to put down the grenade and let these people go.” Sirens can be heard from outside and Emily appears behind Reid as well, noticing the grenade in the unsub’s hand, but Reid’s eyes are completely focused on the female victim, a woman with extreme similarity to his own mother. 

“It’s such a shame Dr. Reid, I thought you of all people would understand, seeing as you went to Mexico to research alternative medication for your own schizophrenic mother.” 

“That was different Mr. Robbins, I was attempting to research homeopathic remedies for dementia, not performing life-threatening surgeries on mentally ill adults.” Emily can tell that Spencer is getting angry, this case being too close to his personal life, they should be stroking this guy’s ego, not angering him. 

“Mr. Robbins, Emily Prentiss here, I think what you have done is magnificent! I actually want you to come with us, the rest of the world needs to see this!” 

“No, too late, Dr. Reid doesn’t appreciate my genius, so no one will be allowed to. Sorry, agents.” The man says before dropping the grenade. Emily grabs Reid, pulling him out of the hospital while he’s screaming, still not taking his eyes off the female victim. They make it out of the hospital just as it explodes, Reid staring back into the burning building in disbelief while Emily looks at the rest of the team, shaking her head. 

At this point in the story Spencer’s voice cracks, tears start welling in his eyes. “I should’ve saved them, it was completely my fault. He was a classic unsub with a god complex and I did exactly what they teach you NOT to do. I let my emotions get in the way and three people died because of it.” Spencer gets out before he starts crying completely. Y/n enveloping him in a hug and allowing him to cry into her shoulder. 

“Oh Spence, shh, it’s okay, that was not your fault. That man was holding a grenade, did you force his hand? Tell him to kill those victims, no.” 

“But we should’ve been able to save them, we profiled him exactly right, and I ruined it all by raising my voice at him, plus I didn’t wait for the backup we needed, I was too focused on saving a woman who reminded me of my mom.” 

“Spencer Reid, I need you to listen to me right now, look at me, okay, you can do that right? Look at me sweetheart.” Spencer lifts his head to look at Y/n, his teary eyes matching her sympathetic ones filled with love. “You, Spencer Reid, are a hero. You’re my hero, you’re a hero for your team, and you’re the hero of all the people you save every single day. Today was not a good day, but how many victims would that man have killed if your team hadn’t intervened. Today you didn’t save everyone, but if you stop now, you’ll never save anyone ever again.” Spencer and Y/n sit at the table holding hands in silence for longer than either of them care to count, before Y/n hears soft snores, realizing Spencer has fallen asleep in her arms, exhausted from the past days and the emotional release of reliving it all in their kitchen. “Come on Spence, let’s go to bed” Y/n gently shakes him awake and helps him to their bed, knowing that what Spencer needs is a good night’s sleep and a lot of love, which she is more than happy to give him, for the rest of her life even. 

[pokemagines]

by any other name. (lif x summoner)

a/n: the people asked for h*rny lif. the people will get h*rny lif !!! uhh very vanilla spice as always... lif cries -- mod touko

   The palace at night is the only time that the place seemed still, most of the heroes having retired to their own private dorms. A few stragglers were left awake, most of them in the library reading as if to calm themselves down before turning in for the night. Lif was one of those few -- though he didn’t remain to read, but because he followed this routine every night, making sure those he held dearest wouldn’t be attacked late at night. Despite the relative safety of the Askran palace, he could never ditch the paranoia that seemed to haunt most of his waking thoughts. If he lost any of you again, he was sure he wouldn’t be able to live through that pain.

   Part of the horrors of being undead was realizing he really didn’t need sleep. He could, but it wasn’t necessary for him to live. Sometimes he found himself sleeping just because there was nothing else to do, but mostly because the Summoner was so insistent on him getting rest. He found it mostly a blessing, however, because it allowed him to stay up and patrol the grounds. Besides, when he did sleep, he had horrible nightmares, though he would never burden anyone with that information.

   Rounding past your room again, he’s tempted to peak in and see if you were actually awake. You had a tendency to stay up later than most, plotting out maps and reading books on battle strategy to better prepare the army for the days to come. It reminded him so much of his own Summoner, who he often had to carry back to their room after they would pass out asleep in one of the hallways. A sad smile grows on his face, but he doesn’t open the door, instead turning back around to do another once-over of the castle grounds.

   A creaking of a door opening stops him in his tracks. “Lif? What are you doing out here?” He could never forget that voice.

   “I’m on patrol,” he mutters, turning to face you. If he had a heart, he’s sure it’d flutter wildly in his chest at seeing you in your nightgown, eyes droopy and cheeks flushed from just having woken up. “Go back to bed.”

   “Only if you do.” You cross your arms over your chest, “even if you don’t need sleep to live, it’ll still be good for you! C’mon.” You hold your hand out, waiting for him to stalk over and take it.

   “No, I will go back to my room, if you insist.” Lif turns his head away from you, “it would be improper if--”. You roll your eyes, striding over to him and grabbing his hand, pulling on him lightly. 

   “I’m not going to force you but… you’re my S-Support, it’s okay if you rest in my room.” Lif lets you tug him along.

   “I-I’m your what?” 

   “Don’t worry about it!”

                                         --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

   The door shuts behind the two of you, Lif standing awkwardly to the side, not knowing what to do with himself. It’s not that he had never been in your room before, he had, but at night time there were much different implications. 

   “Sorry, it’s kind of messy,” he hadn’t even noticed, focused mainly on watching you, but now that he looks around he can see the books scattered around, notes you had taken messily sticking out of the pages. Lif holds back a laugh, this was too like his Summoner.

   His Summoner… No, he needed to stop comparing you to them. It wasn’t fair to you or them, the you here was the person he loved, the person he would protect with his life.

   You notice that he’s spacing out, so you pipe up: “You can rest with me if you’d like to, otherwise I can sleep on the floor… I do it most nights anyway.” You mutter the last part under your breath so Lif doesn’t hear. “What’ll it be?”

   “I…” For once he isn’t certain. Sleeping in the same bed as you is no doubt what he wanted, your touch is something that he longs for. Your hand had brushed up against his chest once on accident and he hadn’t been able to get the feeling out of his head for days. He had been too much of a coward to ask for more, and you were accepting of his boundaries. “I would like to… rest with you.” 

   You look shocked, but the look quickly shifts to a happy smile, heart skipping a beat as he accepts your proposal. “R-right! Well first you should take off your coat and all that armor… I think I have some of Alfie’s spare clothes in here you can borrow…”. Lif shakes his head.

   “You don’t want to see me like that,” his eyes narrow, “I’m a monster.”

   “That’s not true at all, I don’t care what you look like.” You stand up to start rooting through your drawers, intent on finding the clothes Alfonse let you wear that one time, “Ah! Here you go, they might be a little small but… they should do.” Lif takes them into his hands, blinking down at them.

   “I’m fine with sleeping in my armor.” He states simply, setting the clothes down on the dresser. He shrugs off his belt and leans his sword on the wall. His cape comes off next, it stopping its radiation once it leaves his body. 

   “Are you sure it’s comfortable? I mean, you’re still wearing your mask and boots. At least take those off.” Lif hesitates again, the thought of you seeing more of him concerned him. Surely you would think him frightening and run away.

   ...No that wasn’t right. You cared about him. Truly. But was that love enough to accept him despite how utterly horrifying he looked? Now was a time as ever to find out.

   “Damn you,” he mutters under his breath, and you creep closer. “If you want to see the creature I have become, then so be it.” He leans down, allowing you to touch his mask. He finds himself leaning into your touch, despite not being able to feel your hands. He wondered if they would be as warm as he remembered. 

   Slowly, you pull it up and off his face, the blue steam it radiated increasing as you set it beside his cape. He looks at you, unblinking trying to desperately read your emotions. This time he doesn’t wait for you to say a word, instead pulling your hands up to his face so he could feel your touch against his skin.

   “You’re beautiful, Lif,” you laugh, stroking his face tenderly. The bottom half of his face was made of the same clear blue jelly most of the rest of his body was made of. You wondered if he could feel you, but the way he closes his eyes and nuzzles into your hand you assume he could. It didn’t feel like normal human skin, instead it felt cold and squishy, but still very firm. It wasn’t cold in the way a human would be, more like you could feel the warmth leave your own hand and transfer into him. “I-I…”.

   His eyes widen disbelief, and he stares you down as if searching for the truth in your eyes. Your eyes convey nothing but sincerity, and he finds himself unable to deal with the truth that he longs to voice to you day after day. He loves you. 

   Unable to hold himself back anymore, he pulls you in by the waist, lips pressing against your desperately, as if all the affection he’s held back for years is trying to be conveyed at once. It’s messy, you can tell he has no experience, but he still manages to be gentle, like some part of him is still holding something back. You quickly reciprocate, holding your hands on the side of his cheeks.

   As quickly as the kiss starts, it ends once again, “I-I’m sorry,” he pushes himself off of you, “I shouldn’t have--”.

   “It’s okay, Lif.” You grab his hand. 

   “But it’s not,” he counters, “you shouldn’t be with me, I’m a failure… I shouldn’t even be here. You… You belong with Alfonse.”

   “You are Alfonse,” you frown, “Can I not love you both? We’ve talked about this before and--”.

   “I let you die, [name].” His red eyes shine, holding back tears, “I don’t deserve this. I’m going to leave. Goodnight.”

   “Do I not get a say in this?” You raise your voice, releasing him from his grasp. “Lif, do you think I would be with anyone that I thought was a failure? You can’t keep pushing yourself away from me, it’s only going to make things worse.” He lets you step closer to him, not backing up this time.

   “You’re too kind for your own good,” he huffs, “you should hate me.”

   “I’m not the one who died,” you grab his hand, putting it on your side. “I’m alive. So is Sharena. You’ve protected me countless times in battle, that should count for something.” Lif shakes his head. “The only thing that matters is that I love you. I don’t care about what you’ve done, I will love you no matter what.”

   Lif can’t believe the words that leave your mouth. No one should treat him like this, and yet here you are, your hand stroking his cheek like he was a fragile object. He feels a sob rise in his throat, and closes his eyes. He didn’t think it was possible for him to cry, but he’s proven wrong when a tear rolls down his cheek. 

   You pull his face down into your neck, letting him cry into you. Your arms envelop his body, bringing him over to your bed where you could much easier reach him. He sits down beside you, pulling you into his lap where he could hold you, feel that you were real in his arms and not some hallucination his mind had dreamed up. 

   “You… you are much too good to me,” he sniffles, “I don’t think I’ll ever feel like I deserve you but… Perhaps I will allow myself to be selfish.”

   “And I’ll be here to remind you everyday that you do deserve this.” You kiss his cheek sweetly, “that you deserve love.” 

   “You are foolish,” he chuckles, arms holding onto your hips, steadying you in place. He leans down to plant a sweeter kiss to your lips, you melting into him slowly. His lips are so cold you feel a shiver run down your spine. 

   He traces his hands down your back, as if unsure what to do next. Instead, he allows you to take the lead, you pushing yourself up against him, your chest is touching his own. You run your hands through his hair, marveling at how soft it was. It makes you giggle.

   “What do you find so funny?” His cheeks seem to flush a light shade of blue.

   “I didn’t expect your hair to be so soft,” you kiss him on the cheek once again, “you’ll have to let me wash it sometime.” 

   With a grumble from Lif, his lips are back on yours, passionate and open-mouthed, and you feel his tongue meet your own. The inside of his mouth is much colder than the outside, and it makes you shiver against him once again. His grip tightens on your waist.

   “...Don’t do that again,” he says it as if a warning, voice low and breathy against your cheek.

   “Why not?” You blink at him innocently.

   “I don’t know if I can… control myself,” he whispers. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

   “I’m tougher than I look, you know. I’m more worried if you can handle me!” Lif smiles a truly amused smile, locking his lips with yours once again. You were sure you looked thoroughly kissed by now, with swollen lips and lust-clouded eyes. You wanted him. “Can I…?” It’s a silent question, as you point at the armor on his neck. 

   “Leave it.” He gently moves you off his lap, letting you lie down on the bed. “You do not want to see the rest of me…”.

   “Líf,” you coo, stroking his cheek, “I do, I won’t force you to show yourself to me but… no matter what you look like, I want you.” His eyes widen, an indiscernible emotion flickering through them. He nuzzles his nose against your cheek. 

   “Thank you,” he kisses your neck gently, “I...I don’t know what I’m doing, so… tell me what you want me to do.” His cheeks flush blue. 

   “I want you to touch me,” you link your hand with his. As if magic (and surely, it was), his clawed gauntlets retract, revealing his hands. For a moment, they seem to glow blue like his mask does, before the fog settles down and reveal that they look much like the rest of him — clear and blue. He’s gentle as he places them on your exposed legs, unsure of what to do. 

   “Your skin is so soft,” his raspy voice is gentle as he rubs his hands on your thighs. Every where he touches, goosebumps form, and you shiver once again. They were so cold, but not unpleasantly so. “And warm… I…” he is unable to finish his sentence. You lean up to kiss his cheek:

   “You can touch me in other places, you know,” you pull your sheer nightgown over your head and off your body, leaving you in nothing but underwear and socks. Líf’s eyes widen, blue blush darkening as he looks over your body, committing it to memory. Many times had he imagined this moment, back in his Askr, and occasionally in his own room here. It always led him to feel insanely guilty, like he was defiling you somehow, but seeing you here? His dreams and fantasies pale in comparison. He could look at you like this for the rest of his life and be satisfied. 

   “More beautiful than I could have ever…” he kisses your lips hard, moving down to your throat. His hands move up to your sides, gently pulling you closer to his body.

   “I love you, Líf,” his kisses grow more fervent, cold and sloppy as they trail down your sternum and to your chest. He squeezes your breasts lightly, wondering what he should do next. It was a bit overwhelming, he hadn’t touched human skin since… well, since he had been transformed by Hel. And never had he touched someone so intimately like this, it makes his unbeating heart flutter. It didn’t help that you had just admitted you loved him, he wanted to hear you say it again and again. 

   His lips meet your nipple, and he closes his eyes, sucking on it gently. You gasp, back arching a bit and Lif takes this as a sign to continue, his hand working at your other breast, always taking extra caution to be gentle. His eyes flicker up to you, momentarily stopping. He wanted to savor every look, every bit of praise that you would give him, but you seem to have other plans, tugging at his hair gently and moving his mouth over to your other breast. He moans against you as you tug his hair sharply, a soft gasp of his name leaving your lips.

   You feel his hands wander lower, mouth still occupied by your chest. “Can I...?” His voice rumbles against your skin. You tug at his hair, making him look up at you so he can see you nodding. With the silent affirmation, he slips his fingers underneath. He hesitates for a moment, not really knowing what to do now that he was here. It would be far too embarrassing for him to ask, and so he figures he can find out by listening to you. With his free hand, he pulls your panties up and off of you, throwing them on the ground. You spread you legs, eyes hiding a coyness behind them and goddess above does he feel himself grow weak. By now, his erection was painful against his plated armor, but he suppresses his want. His only priority was pleasing you.

   The moment his cold fingers meet your wetness, you bite your lip. It was like a sensation you had never felt before, but it felt good. His fingers explore you, trying to find where to touch to make you the most happy. When he brushes up against your clit, you whine out his name, and Lif’s eyes look at you hungrily. He needed to hear it again, so he rubs at it experimentally, your legs clamping around his arm. 

   “Lif, Lif...” You whine pathetically as he increases the speed of his thumb. It wasn’t enough for him, he wanted you to be louder. He feels how wet you were, all this just for him, and he slowly pushes a finger inside of you. Curiously, he moves it in and out, gauging your reactions the whole time. “D-don’t tease me, you can add another.” You tug at his hair again as if goading him on. He obeys, adding another finger and scissoring it inside you. 

   You’re loud as you call out his name, no doubt alerting your neighbors Anna and Sharena as to what is happening in your room. At this point, you’re far too gone to care, moans and praise leaving your lips in a long string of hazy babble. You feel heat start to build in your stomach, muscles tightening as his thumb rubs at your clit at the same time he works his fingers in and out of you. He picks up the pace, grinding himself against your thigh as you gasp out a loud mention of his name, head thrown back as your orgasm washes over you.

   Your body feels numb, everything slowly coming back down as he continues to thrust his fingers lazily into you, you push his hand back, insistent on helping him reach his peak now. You wanted him inside you, wanted him to fill you up and call him yours. 

   “Lif, can you...?” Rolling him off of you, you tug at the armor just above his hips. “I want you inside me.” You straddle his lap, and Lif shakes his head.

   “It’s alright,” he kisses you sweetly, “I can take care of myself.”

   “But I want you,” you brush his long hair out of his face, “won’t you let me see you? Please?” Lif doesn’t know why he acted as if he could ever resist you. Once your words sink in, the armor from the waist down starts to disappear. You let out a gasp, from the looks of it, it seems that his whole body from his nose down was completely made out of the thick jello. Getting nervous under your gaze, he tilts you chin back up to look at him.

   “Even now... do I not frighten you?” He whispers, “I am not even close to being human.”

   “No, I still find you beautiful,” you smile, giving his dick a few strokes. Lif bites down on your shoulder to keep from gasping. He had never felt so alive. 

   Slowly, you sink down on him. Lif can already feel himself so close, your walls impossibly tight around him. He rasps out your name quietly, his hands finding their way to your hips. 

   You set a slow pace, his dick a bit thicker than you were used to. Alfonse was longer, but Lif was definitely thicker. Your nails dig into the armor on his back, it was too much too soon, the high of your previous orgasm still washing over you. 

   “Alfonse,” you cry out, and Lif’s eyes open to meet yours. For a moment, you think he’s mad at you, but when his hips start snapping up to meet yours, you know you’ve set something off in him.

   “S-say it again,” he says through gritted teeth, trying to hold out for just a bit longer. 

   “Alfonse,” you say it louder this time, grinding your hips down against his. Lif cums with a shudder, holding your hips down so he could fill you up all the way. He wasn’t sure if he was even fertile, but even the thought of you being with his child was enough to make his head spin. He spends himself, and then gives another few weak thrusts, before pulling himself out of you, you both falling into the bed. Lif watches the way his clear blue cum spills out of you with a flush on his cheeks.

   His summons his armor back everywhere except for his hands, as he still wanted to feel your soft skin. 

   “Thank you,” Lif is the first one to break the silence after a long moment of basking in the afterglow, your head resting against his chest. Maybe it was a good thing he didn’t feel like a normal human, his chest was firm but squishy, perfect for sleeping on. “I-I love you...”. 

   It’s then he realizes that you’ve fallen asleep already and lets out a chuckle. You were so impossibly cute that he couldn’t wake you. He places a kiss to your forehead before closing his eyes himself.

   For the first night in a long, long time, he dreams a peaceful dream.