#my eyes are puffy WHO LET ME GET EMOTIONAL OVER MINECRAFT????

[ssseriema]

end of an era

[mafiadad5]

How can you mend a broken heart? [lmk]

“It’s only to make him Jealous Y/n, swear.”

✧ mark lee x fem!reader

✧ Genre- angst, fluff, mutual pining, best friends to strangers to lovers, fake dating, university au (only implied once though).

✧ Wc- 11k

✧ Warnings- heartbreak, kissing.

✧ Playlist- how can you mend a broken heart - Al Green / Moon river - Frank Ocean / Lose Control - Teddy Swims / Tell Him - Ms. Lauryn Hill / At Last - Etta James / ✧

a/n- omg hi again! I enjoyed writing my last mark angst so I decided to do another one with a… happier ending. I hope you guys enjoy!

────୨ৎ────

"Hey, I got here as fast as I could... woah dude, are you okay?" Mark's smile dropped the moment he saw your puffy, watery eyes through the door frame. You didn't say anything, just reached out and pulled him into a hug, sobbing into his chest.

"We're done, we're really done, Mark... it's over." Your voice trembled, each word fragile as you struggled to keep your emotions together.

Mark froze for a second, caught off guard before gently wrapping his arms around you, pulling you in tighter. His shirt dampened from your tears, but he didn't care. He just held you, trying to steady you with his presence.

"Wait who? You and Jaemin?" Mark asked, his voice filled with concern as he stepped into your apartment, closing the door behind him without letting go. His arm remained firmly around your waist, supporting you as you buried your face in his chest.

You nodded, struggling to breathe between sobs. "We had this huge fight over... Minecraft, Mark— fucking Minecraft! He told me he couldn't do this anymore. That we weren't going to work, and he just left." 

You pulled back from the hug, your lip quivering uncontrollably as hot tears streamed down your face. The disbelief, the shock of it all was hitting you hard. Your mind was racing, replaying the fight over and over. It felt surreal how something so stupid could destroy everything.

Mark's eyebrows shot up, a brief expression of surprise painting his face. "Minecraft...?" He raised a brow, and for a split second, the corner of his mouth shaped into a small smirk.

Your expression shifted, eyes narrowing. "It's not funny." you muttered, voice cracking. "It's not-”

"No, no, I know. It's not funny." Mark quickly interrupted, his smirk fading as he saw the pain in your eyes. "I'm sorry Y/n. It's not funny at all."

"What an asshole for breaking up with you over Minecraft of all things." He paused, shaking his head in disbelief as he looked at you.

You let out a shaky breath, wiping your face with the back of your hand, but the tears kept coming. "It wasn't just the game Mark. He said he's been feeling like this for a while. That I didn't 'get him' anymore. And that stupid argument was just the last straw, I guess."

"Dude that still doesn't give him the right to like, leave you like that, over something so... stupid. If he was feeling something, he should've talked to you. It's not on you to just magically know what he's thinking." Mark said, eyes softening as he gently cupped your shoulder, guiding you to the couch.

You sat down, pulling your knees to your chest, staring blankly at the floor. "I thought we were fine. Like, we had our ups and downs, but I thought we would work through it."

Mark sat next to you, his arm sliding around your shoulders, pulling you close again. "You didn't do anything wrong. If he's been feeling this way and didn't tell you, that's on him, not you. You're not a mind reader."

You leaned into him, your head resting on his shoulder. "I just... I feel so stupid. Over a game, Mark. Who loses someone they love over Minecraft?"

"It's not stupid." Mark said softly.

"He's the one who made this bigger than it needed to be. It could've been a conversation, but he turned it into something else. He made the choice to walk away, not you."

"But what if I'm not enough? What if... I never was?" You sniffed, trying to stop the fresh tears threatening to spill from your eyes.

Mark tightened his grip around you, his voice firm. "Don't say that. You are more than enough. Jaemin didn't deserve you if he couldn't see that. You deserve someone who's going to communicate, who's going to fight for you, not leave over some dumb fight."

You stayed quiet for a moment, letting his words sink in. His warmth and presence were the only things keeping you sane right now. Mark always knew how to make you feel safe, even when everything around you was falling apart.

"I don't know how to move on from this." You whispered lightly.

"You don't have to figure it all out right now—" Mark said gently. 

"I'm here, okay? We'll get through this together. One step at a time. And if that means we stay up all night, then so be it. Or like you know, we can just destroy things in creative mode until you feel better."

A small laugh escaped you, despite everything. It was weak, but it was there. "That... actually sounds kind of nice."

Mark grinned, nudging you playfully. "See? One tiny step forward already. And seriously man, Jaemin doesn't know what he's missing."

You wiped your face again, the tears slowing. "Thanks Mark. I really don't know what I'd do without you."

His expression softened as he smiled. "Well, you'll never have to find out, because I'm not going anywhere." 

You laid your head on his shoulder, sitting silently as you two took in each other’s embrace. 

Aren’t you glad to have a best friend like Mark?

────୨ৎ────

"So, how are you feeling?" Mark asked, his eyes flickering between the movie on the screen and you. The soft glow from the TV cast shadows across the room, but his attention was entirely on you.

You took a handful of popcorn and slowly chewed, letting out a deep sigh as you leaned back against the couch. "Better..." you said, forcing a small smile. It wasn't entirely true, but sitting next to him, you felt a little more at ease.

Mark smiled softly, sensing your hesitation, but he didn't push for more. For a moment, the two of you sat in a comfortable silence, the background noise of the movie filling the space between your thoughts, but the quiet never lasted long. 

You sat up suddenly, huffing as you crossed your arms. "Ugh Mark, it's just like—why did this have to happen to me? We're in the same friend group, and now it's gonna be so awkward. I can't even think about how I'll face him."

As if on cue, your phone buzzed on the coffee table, lighting up with notifications from the group chat. A notification from your group of friends. You frowned as you swiped the notifications away.

Mark glanced at his own phone, seeing the same texts. "You know me and my ex are in that friend group too, and it hasn't affected anything," He said, giving a small shrug. "As you can see, we've all moved on and if Jaemin has any sense left, he'll do the same. He won't bring anything up and will just... leave you alone."

Mark's voice trailed off as his phone buzzed again. "Plus, it looks like he's already getting the memo. He hasn't said a word since-"

"Well, what about me, Mark?!" You blurted out, pressing the "Do Not Disturb" button on your phone in frustration, your voice rising as you tossed your phone aside and slumped back onto the couch, lips forming a pout. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Mark follow your lead, tapping the same option on his own screen. It made you smile a little, knowing that even in this, he was quietly on your side.

Mark sighed and nudged you lightly with his elbow. "Look, just stop overthinking it, okay? Watch the movie. Everything will be fine. Trust me."

When you didn't respond he reached out, gently brushing away a few popcorn crumbs from the corner of your mouth with his thumb. His touch lingered for a second longer than necessary and you caught his gaze, feeling a flutter in your chest. For a moment the tension between you shifted—just the slightest flicker, but enough to make you feel the heat rise to your cheeks.

"You know..." You said, trying to distract yourself from the sudden tension."You'd make such a better boyfriend than Jaemin. How'd you and your ex break up again?"

"She broke up with me to 'focus on herself' or something like that. Honestly, I don't even care anymore. I'm over it." Mark said chuckling, shaking his head.

"Oh my god, yeah, no, I remember that. I knew there was another reason I didn't like her." You said with a teasing smile

Mark raised an eyebrow, his curiosity scratching at him. "Wait, what's the first reason?"

You raised your eyebrows right back, a mischievous smirk painting your lips. "Naw, don't get quiet now!" Mark teased, his tone light but challenging. "Tell me, or I’ll tell her you didn't like her this whole time."

"Stop Mark, oh my god. She probably already knows anyway." You giggled, swatting him playfully.

Both of you broke into laughter, the playful energy between you easing the tension, but then, your phone lit up again, snapping you both out of the moment. It was another group chat notification. You glanced at the screen, and Mark did the same.

“You're invited to my mini get together at the arcade tomorrow at 8. Idc if you're busy, drop it and be there!”

You sighed heavily and turned your phone off, tossing it aside again. 

"We're gonna have so much fun." Mark said sarcastically, even though he was already typing a confirmation in the chat.

"We're not gonna have anything because I'm not going." You muttered, folding your arms across your chest. You could feel his gaze shift to you, the teasing gone from his face.

"Dude. Yes, you are." He said, his voice firm but gentle.

"Look at me! I can't go out and see him this soon. I'm a mess, Mark." You shot back, gesturing at yourself with a frown. 

"You're not a mess." He said, shaking his head, his eyes softening as he watched you.

"You're upset, and that's normal. But trust me, you can do this. He didn't even respond to the invite, see? He's probably not even going. I'll be with you the entire time."

You wanted to hide from everything, from everyone, but the way Mark was looking at you—his eyes filled with quiet determination, like he wouldn't take no for an answer made it hard to refuse.

"Seriously Y/n, please come. I'll make sure it's not awkward, I swear." He said, his voice low, almost pleading. 

You stared at him, meeting his gaze. After a long pause, you finally let out a sigh. "Fine... fine, I'll go." You mumbled, grabbing your phone to confirm in the group chat.

Mark's face broke into a wide smile, his eyes lighting up. "Thank you! You won't regret it. I'll make sure we have fun."

You rolled your eyes, but couldn't help smiling at his excitement. "You better." You muttered.

"So, I'm obviously staying the night, right? Where are my pajamas? I know I left them here somewhere." Mark said, standing up and stretching, grinning down at you.

"You always do this.” You laughed, shaking your head, getting up to retrieve them from the closet. As you walked away, you could feel his eyes on you—lingering.

As you handed him his pajamas, his fingers brushed yours briefly. Mark smiled at you, softer this time, and for a moment it felt like the room had shrunk around the two of you, like the world outside didn't exist.

"Thanks." He murmured, looking at you with sparkling eyes. You held his gaze for a beat longer than usual, before turning away. 

"Yeah... no problem." You whispered, getting settled back onto the couch.

────୨ৎ────

"Y/n, are you ready? I'm here." 

You read the text from Mark, your phone screen glowing as you sat on the edge of your bed.

"No." you typed back quickly, slightly confused when he left you on read. A few minutes later you heard a knock on your door. You opened it and of course... Mark was standing there, a playful grin on his face.

"Dude, I seriously thought you flaked on me—" he said but paused, his eyes widening as they scanned you from head to toe. "Damn girl. We're going to an arcade, not a fine dining restaurant."

"Mark stop." You giggled, slipping on your shoes. "I'm just wearing a skirt and a shirt." You grabbed your bag and led him out the door.

"Yeah, but you look good though man. Like, really pretty and stuff like that" he stuttered awkwardly, a nervous smile creeping onto his face. Your own smile mirroring his. 

"Thank you Mark." you responded softly.

"Oh, and good news. Jaemin's not even gonna be there. He never responded." He added, glancing at his phone as you walked toward his car.

"That's a relief." You said, but the unease in your stomach didn't completely fade. You climbed into the passenger seat, hoping tonight would go smoothly.

When you and Mark arrived at the arcade you both walked in with smiles, ready to see your friends, but the moment your eyes scanned the room, your smile dropped. There sitting at the table, laughing with the group, was Jaemin.

Your heart dropped. Out of instinct, you  grabbed Mark's hand, holding it tightly to stop any emotion from showing on your face.

"Sorry- " You muttered, quickly pulling your hand away. It wasn't like it was the first time you'd held Mark's hand, but tonight, it felt different. More... loaded. Before he could respond you spoke again, your voice filled with nervous frustration.

"Mark you said he wasn't gonna be here." You whispered, glancing at him with betrayal.

"I didn't know!" Mark raised his hands in defense, looking at you with those endearing, soft eyes. 

"Listen, no matter what, I promised you a good time, and I'm sticking to that. That's what's gonna happen." He gave you a reassuring smile and before you could say anything he slid his hand into yours again, this time intentionally.

You blinked at him, feeling a wave of warmth spread through your chest as his thumb lightly brushed your knuckles. 

"Okay?" He asked, his eyes locking with yours.

"Okay." You nodded, squeezing his hand back.

As Mark led you toward the group, you couldn't help but notice the heat of his hand still in yours. Your friends greeted you with excited smiles, but your eyes immediately moved to Jaemin, sitting there with a bitter expression, his gaze on your joined hands.

"Oooo, what's this?" One of your friends teased, wiggling her eyebrows as she eyed the two of you.

You and Mark stayed silent, sharing an awkward smile, but neither of you let go.

"I thought you were with Jaemin?" Someone else asked, causing the group to agree in confusion.

"We—" you began, but quickly cut yourself off. 

"He broke up with me." You said, your voice a bit too smug as you shot a look directly at Jaemin, everyone's attention shifting to him.

"And it looks like you didn't have trouble finding a replacement quickly, huh?" Jaemin responded coldly, crossing his arms.

"Mark has been my best friend for years, so was it really a replacement when he was here first?" You retorted.

The group fell into silence, all eyes falling between you and Jaemin, waiting for his reaction. 

Jaemin scoffed, his lips turning into a sarcastic smirk.

"Oh right. 'Best friends'. "Funny how 'best friends' always seem to turn into something more the second things end, huh? Makes me wonder what was really going on before we broke up." He said, his tone mocking.

Mark's body tensed beside you, his grip on your hand tightening slightly. You could feel the anger radiating from him, but before he could speak, Jaemin interrupted him.  "I guess you're really good at keeping your 'options' open aren't you?" 

You took a sharp breath, eyes dark as you looked at him. "Another excuse? Was Minecraft not enough?"

The room erupted into quiet whispers, and one of your friends spoke up, "Wait dude... you broke up with her over Minecraft?"

Jaemin's smirk fell for a second. 

"It was more complicated than that." He started, but before he could finish someone else interrupted.

"Guys! Can we please just eat and play games like we planned instead of focusing on Mark and Y/n's new relationship?" A loud voice broke through the tension, trying to steer the conversation away.

"Sounds like a plan." Someone else laughed, trying to ease the mood, but as the group prepared to move to the arcade section, Jaemin spoke once again. 

"Notice how they didn't deny it though."

"DUDE, CMON." Someone yelled, dragging Jaemin away from the both of you. 

Inside the arcade the atmosphere lightened as your friends scattered to play games. The flashing lights and music filled the room helping you momentarily forget the earlier tension. 

You and Mark stuck close together, trying out various games, but even in the chaos of flashing neon lights and arcade noises, you couldn't shake the way you felt whenever Mark looked at you. At one point, Mark pulled you toward a basketball shooting game.

"Think you can beat me?" He teased, tossing a ball between his hands.

"Of course I can." You laughed, stepping up to the machine.

The game began and you focused on shooting as many baskets as possible, the competition between you heating up. When the game ended, Mark had won by just a few points, but you noticed he seemed more distracted by you than by the score. 

"Guess I'm still the champion." He said, leaning in closer as he spoke, his voice lower than usual.

"Whatever."  You rolled your eyes, but smiled, nudging him playfully. 

"You only won because I was distracted."

"Oh yeah? By what?" He asked, tilting his head slightly, his stare intense.

You paused, looking everywhere but his eyes. 

"By... everything." You mumbled, feeling a little hot.

"Well, you're not the only one." He smiled, cheekbones prominent as he looked at you with sparkling eyes.  

"Uh huh, says the all time champion." You chuckle, placing your hand on his chest, trying to push him away before the moment was interrupted. 

"Hey you two! Stop flirting and come play air hockey with us." 

"Stop!" You whine jokingly, looking back at Mark, realizing your hand is still resting on his chest. 

"Oh oops." You both laughed awkwardly, his cheeks flushed. But as you followed your friends, you couldn't help but feel like something had shifted between you and Mark... well... maybe not? You don't know, it doesn't matter anyways. 

The night had gone better than you expected, and you found yourself laughing with Mark as you headed to the car. The tension from earlier with Jaemin had mostly melted away.

"See, I told you we were gonna have fun." Mark said, glancing over with a smile that made your chest feel warm.

"Yeah I had a good time. I'm glad you convinced me to come out." You giggled, leaning back in your seat, grinning to yourself, but the moment faded as Mark went quiet, the silence lingering, thickening the air between you.

"So... when are we gonna tell them that we're actually not dating?" Mark asked, breaking the silence. His tone was light, but something about the question made your grin fall as you stared out the window.

"They'll figure it out eventually." You replied, turning to face him with a forced smile, trying to keep things casual.

Mark hummed in response, his focus shifting back to the road, but the easy vibe from earlier was gone, replaced by something heavier, something unsaid. 

He pulled up to your apartment complex, the car engine humming softly as you prepared to get out.

"Thanks for tonight Mark. I'll see you later." You said, trying to sound optimistic.

"Wait—don't you want me to walk you in?" He asked, concern flickering in his eyes.

"No thanks. I’m good, seriously." You said, smiling again, his sad eyes lingering on you a little longer than usual. Something about the way he was looking at you made your heart do a weird flip, that look in his eyes.

"See you later boyfriend." You teased trying to break the tension before the air could get even weirder.

"See you later girlfriend." Mark smiled, even though it didn't quite reach his eyes.

As you shut the car door and walked up to your apartment, a strange mix of emotions welled up inside you. You felt confused—happy maybe?—but also kind of hollow. 

Something about the whole night left you unsettled. You collapsed onto your couch, trying to make sense of it, when you heard a knock at the door, startling you.

You opened it to see Mark standing there again, biting his lip nervously.

"Mark. What do you want?" you joked, even though a small part of you meant it.

"Can I talk to you real quick?" He asked, stepping inside without waiting for an answer. The look in his eyes was different now, more serious.

"Yeah, sure." You said, sitting down beside him on the couch. 

"What's going on?"

"It's nothing super serious, but... hear me out?" He looked like he was bracing himself for something, and you nodded, feeling the shift in the air. "Maybe we should, like... act like we're dating for real. You know, like fake date." he stuttered on his words, his eyes flicking nervously to yours. "To make Jaemin jealous."

"You want to fake date... to get back at Jaemin?" You blinked, caught off guard.

"He was definitely rattled tonight, you saw that." 

You just stared at him blankly.

"And he deserves it for how he treated you. Plus, it'd be easy right? We've been best friends forever, so it wouldn't even be weird." Mark continued, his words rushing out as if he was trying to convince himself as much as you.

You couldn't help but laugh, scratching the back of your head. "Mark, this is a very... wild idea… so what, we're just gonna fake a big breakup later too?"

He waved that off, grinning. "Dude we'll deal with that later. Come on Y/n, this could be fun. And it's not like there's anything complicated between us—we don't like each other like that, so it's just, like, a fun game. Right?"

Your heart squeezed at that last part, the words hitting a little harder than you expected. No feelings? Nothing complicated? 

After a pause, you nodded. "Ok. Let's do it."

“Yes! This is gonna be awesome." Mark said, face lighting up as he grabbed your hands in excitement, his energy infectious.

You watched him for a second, trying to ignore how warm his hands felt holding yours, how his smile seemed to linger a little too long on his face.

"You seem a little too excited about this." You teased, trying to push aside the growing tension inside you.

"What can I say? Fake dating my best friend sounds kinda fun." He shrugged, a smile still on his face.

You raised an eyebrow, but before you could respond, you yawned, feeling the exhaustion from the night catch up with you. 

"Ok Mark. I'm tired, so you can, like... leave now." You said with a laugh.

Mark stood up, pretending to look hurt. "Wow, kicking your boyfriend out already. I want to break up."

You froze for a second, your eyes widening in shock. 

His face softened when he realized what he'd said. "Or... maybe not! Bye Y/n."

You rolled your eyes, shutting the door on him, but just as you started to walk away, you heard another knock. You opened the door again to see him grinning sheepishly.

"You didn't say bye back." He said, eyes twinkling.

"Bye Mark." You said. You couldn't help but laugh, shaking your head.

As you closed the door for the second time, you stood there for a moment, your heart pounding a little faster than it should have been. You were in a fake relationship with your best friend now. Nothing could go wrong with that... right?

────୨ৎ────

The next few days passed in a blur and nothing major had changed on the surface, but there was an undeniable shift between you and Mark. You kept telling yourself it was just the fake dating thing that made everything feel... different, but now every time you texted or hung out, the words carried a weight they never had before.

That became clear the next time Mark showed up at your apartment. You were getting ready for another group hangout, some casual lunch with everyone—including Jaemin. Mark arrived early as usual, but instead of heading straight out, he lingered by the door.

"Do I look okay?" You asked, adjusting your outfit in the mirror. It was an innocent question, one you had asked him hundred times before, but this time, when he looked at you, his gaze lingered. 

"You look great." He said, his voice quieter than usual. 

His eyes traveled from your face, down to your shoes, then back up, locking on yours. Your stomach flipped, and you turned away, breaking the moment. You were just reading into things. That's all. 

"Thanks. You're not too bad yourself." You joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Mark chuckled, but it felt off, a little awkward. 

"Ready to go?" He asked, grabbing the keys from the counter.

As you stepped out together you couldn't shake the feeling that something was brewing, something neither of you were saying.

Lunch with the group was surprisingly less tense than the last hangout. Jaemin was there, but he didn't cause any scenes, probably because the rest of the group was on high alert. You sat next to Mark as usual, and he played his part perfectly, but then there was a moment when the group had split up to order food. 

You and Mark were left alone at the table, the buzz of the restaurant fading into the background as you both sat there in silence.

"You're doing okay, right?" Mark asked, his voice softer than before.

"Yeah." You said, even though it felt like a lie. You weren't sure what "okay" even meant anymore.

"It's just weird, you know? Being around him like this."

Mark nodded, his hand resting on the table between you. You stared at it for a moment, then felt a sudden rush of warmth as his fingers brushed yours.

He didn't pull away.

Your heart thudded in your chest. You told yourself it was just part of the act—something to keep up appearances, but when you looked up and met Mark's eyes, there was a flicker of something real in them. Something unspoken, but heavy. You quickly looked away, pretending to check your phone. "Everyone's taking forever to order." You said, forcing a laugh.

Mark didn't say anything for a second, his fingers still brushing against yours, but eventually he pulled his hand back. 

"Yeah, they are." He said, his voice tight.

The rest of lunch passed quickly, the conversation flowing but your mind kept drifting to that moment at the table. You tried to push it aside—tried to focus on what you had agreed on, that this was just an act, but with every glance Mark threw your way, every small smile that seemed more genuine than playful, you felt that barrier between friendship and something more begin to crumble.

Later that evening, you found yourself sitting on the couch, replaying the day in your head. It wasn't like anything major had happened, but the tension between you and Mark was starting to feel impossible to ignore.

A text lit up your phone.

“Hey, you still up?”

You smiled, replying quickly.

“Yeah, what's up?”

“ I was just thinking... about earlier. Do you think we're doing a good job selling this whole "dating" thing?”

You paused, unsure how to respond. He was clearly still in "fake dating" mode, but for you... you didn't know what mode you were in.

“Yeah, I think it's going pretty well. Why?”

“Just making sure man. I don't want Jaemin or anyone thinking we're half-assing it.”

You stared at the message for a moment, the weight of what wasn't being said hanging between the lines. It would be so easy to just laugh it off, keep things as they were. 

But...

“You know, sometimes I forget we're faking it.”

The message sat there on your screen, your heart racing as you hit send. You didn't know what you were expecting—maybe a joke or some lighthearted reply to brush it all off.

But his reply came.

“Yeah. Me too.”

You stared at his message, your heart pounding harder now. The space between you had shifted again, but this time it felt like there was no going back.

────୨ৎ────

The next day you and Mark tried to go back to normal, pretending like nothing had changed after that conversation. It was easy enough at first. You had a study session planned and just like old times, Mark showed up with snacks and a hoodie that was two sizes too big. You sat cross legged on the floor, books sprawled out in front of you, Mark was on the couch, pretending to focus.

Every once in a while you'd catch him glancing at you, or you'd find yourself zoning out, staring at the way his hands fidgeted with the corner of a page. The atmosphere was different, and you both knew it.

Still, you didn't talk about it.

"So." Mark said, breaking the silence, "I was thinking we should do something tomorrow. You know, for the whole... fake dating thing." He fumbled with his words, like he was trying to find the right balance between casual and something else.

"Like another group hangout?" You asked, looking up at him.

"Maybe…or just the two of us? We could go out and get coffee or something, act like we're on a date. Just to keep up the illusion."

A spark flickered in your chest, but you quickly pushed it down. It's just for the act, you reminded yourself. Nothing more. 

"Yeah, that makes sense." you replied, trying to keep your voice steady. "We should probably post something too. You know, sell it on social media."

Mark nodded, a little too quickly. "Exactly. People will totally buy it if they see us together more."

There was an awkward pause, both of you knowing full well that you already spent nearly all your time together, but not willing to admit it. Instead, you focused on flipping through the pages of your textbook, hoping that the silence would swallow up the tension.

After a while Mark stretched out on the couch, staring at the ceiling. "It's kinda funny, isn't it?" He said, almost speaking to himself.

"What is?"

"How we've been best friends for years and no one ever thought we'd be more and now we're pretending to be something we never were."

You laughed lightly, but it felt forced. “Yeah…funny." You paused, tapping your pen against the edge of your notebook. "But like, it's not a big deal, right? I mean, we know it's just fake."

"Right." Mark echoed, but there was something in his tone that made it sound like he was trying to convince himself more than you.

You glanced up at him, catching his eyes for a split second before he quickly looked away, his face flushing just slightly. There it was again—that weird tension that made everything feel more complicated than it should be.

"Yeah…" You said, forcing a smile, "just fake."

The words hung in the air between you like an unspoken agreement, both of you clinging to the safety of that label ‘fake’. As long as you called it that, you could deny everything else.

Later that evening, after Mark had left and you were alone in your apartment, you couldn't shake the strange feeling that had settled over you. Your mind kept wandering back to the way he'd looked at you—like there was something he wanted to say, but didn't.

You weren't supposed to think about Mark like this. He was your best friend. That's all he’s ever been, and that's all this was supposed to be. You were fake dating to make Jaemin jealous, to get back at him, not because you actually had feelings for Mark. That would be ridiculous, but despite how much you tried to convince yourself, there was a tiny voice in the back of your head that kept whispering otherwise, it always did.

You shook your head, tossing your phone onto the couch. This was just a weird phase where you were overthinking everything because of the fake relationship. You and Mark would go back to normal soon, and all this awkward tension would fade away. It had to.

But as you lay in bed that night, staring up at the ceiling, you couldn't help but wonder what would happen if it didn't.

────୨ৎ────

The next day, you and Mark met up for coffee, just like he had suggested. It was supposed to be casual—a fake date to keep up appearances. But the second you walked into the café together, the mood shifted.

Mark held the door open for you, his hand brushing against yours as you walked past him and it sent a jolt through you that you tried to ignore. He was just being polite.

Friendly.

Nothing more.

You ordered your drinks and sat by the window, the sunlight streaming in and casting a warm glow on the table. Mark was fidgeting again, playing with the sleeve of his hoodie, his knee bouncing up and down under the table.

"You're nervous?" You teased, trying to break the tension.

"What? No I'm not." He said quickly, but his knee stopped bouncing, and he gave you a sheepish grin. "Okay, maybe a little. I'm just not used to... this."

"Neither am I." You admitted, stirring your coffee aimlessly.

"But it's fine. We've got this."

"Yeah. It's just pretend anyway.” Mark said, his eyes darting to the window, avoiding yours.

"Right. Just pretend."

But as the conversation drifted to other topics and you both laughed like you always did, the line between pretending and something more blurred again. You weren't supposed to feel this comfortable with him. You weren't supposed to notice how his eyes crinkled when he smiled or how your heart sped up when he laughed at one of your dumb jokes.

You weren't supposed to feel like this was more than fake.

But you did.

And judging by the way Mark's gaze lingered on you a little too long when he thought you weren't looking, you had a feeling he was feeling the same. Neither of you said it, though. You both kept pretending. Because it was safer that way.

────୨ৎ────

You'd been feeling pretty good about the whole "fake relationship" situation. Things with Mark were comfortable, just like they always had been, and somehow playing this little game in front of your friends made everything seem almost... fun. It was easy with him. He was always easy to be around, but that changed when you spotted him with his ex.

It was by pure chance—coming out of a coffee shop with your hands full of iced drinks, you saw them together on the sidewalk. She was laughing at something he said, her hand brushing his arm lightly as they walked. Mark... he looked at her like he used to. Like she was the only person in the world. You felt your stomach twist painfully, a lump forming in your throat.

You didn't want to feel hurt. It was ridiculous, wasn't it? You were just pretending. This whole thing with Mark was fake. So why did it feel so real all of a sudden?

You swallowed hard, gripping the drink carrier a little tighter as you walked past them, pretending you didn't notice. Mark didn't even see you.

You were sitting back at home. Before you could spiral any further, your phone buzzed.

"Hey, wanna hang out later? 😊"

Your head lingered on what you saw earlier before you replied.

"Yeah, sure."

Later that evening, when you met up with Mark everything was still fresh in your mind. He greeted you with his usual wide smile, but you couldn't help but notice the slight hesitancy in his step as he approached.

"What's up?" He asked, nudging your shoulder lightly. "You seem quiet."

"I'm good. Just thinking." You responded, forcing a smile.

"Thinking too much, as usual." He giggled, giving you another playful nudge, trying to lighten the mood.

You let out a small laugh, but it felt hollow. You couldn't bring yourself to bring up his ex just yet. What were you going to say anyway? It wasn't your business. You and Mark were only pretending to be together, but as you walked, chatting about nothing in particular, the question was burning on the tip of your tongue.

"So... how was your day?" You asked casually, hoping he’d bring it up.

"Pretty chill. Just hung out with some people." He shrugged. “But now it’s better cause I’m with you.” He smiled, looking at you with those same sparkling eyes. 

And you kept up the act, laughing along, pretending it didn't bother you.

But it did.

That night, when you were alone, the uneasiness grew. You couldn't stop picturing them together. The way she smiled at him, how comfortable they looked. What really made you more uneasy was the fact that he hid it from you and acted like nothing happened earlier— makes you wonder how many times this has been happening.

The level of hurt you felt was immense, the person who was supposed to protect you from your feelings, made you hurt even more… and before you knew it, you were staring at your phone, hovering over Jaemin's name in your contacts.

You bit your lip, hesitating for just a moment before typing a message.

“Hey... can we talk?”

It felt strange reaching out to him after everything, but you weren't trying to get back together. You just wanted something to ground you, something familiar, someone who could remind you of who you were before everything got messy.

Jaemin responded almost immediately.

“Yeah. Want to meet up?”

Your heart raced as you stared at his text. Was this the right thing to do? You weren't sure, but the thought of seeing Mark with his ex again made you feel like you had to do something.

“Sure.”

You agreed to meet the next day, and you knew deep down that fixing things with Jaemin wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't erase the strange ache you felt watching Mark with someone else. But maybe, just maybe, it would help distract you from it.

At least for a little while.

────୨ৎ────

Ever since you spotted Mark with his ex something in you shifted. You tried not to let it get to you, tried to remind yourself that it shouldn't matter, but the hurt was there, like an ache you couldn't shake. It was hard enough pretending this fake relationship wasn't confusing your feelings more every day, and now this? 

The group meet up was supposed to be just another casual hangout, but this time you didn't feel like riding with Mark. After everything that had happened, especially seeing him with his ex, you weren't sure if you could sit in the car with him without it all bubbling to the surface. 

So, when he offered to pick you up, you quickly shot it down, saying you'd drive yourself. 

"Okay... cool." Mark said, sounding a little confused, but brushing it off. He didn't push it, and that was fine by you.

The arcade was buzzing when you arrived and you immediately spotted Jaemin. You hadn't expected things to be so easy between the two of you, but somehow they were. You weren't getting back together or anything, but there was a sense of comfort now. Your interactions became normal as you both slipped back into old habits—laughing, joking, sharing quick, familiar smiles.

You felt lighter, or at least you wanted to, but the second Mark walked in that fragile peace shattered. You could feel his eyes on you from across the room, the weight of his stare practically pulling you toward him, but you forced yourself to stay focused on Jaemin.

You barely acknowledged him. Every time he tried to speak, you turned to someone else, laughing a little louder, pretending everything was fine. You didn't trust yourself to talk to him, not with how confused and hurt you still felt.

Finally, Mark had enough, standing up and walking over to you. voice low as he asked "Hey, can we talk? Outside?"

You sighed, giving Jaemin a quick glance before standing up. "Yeah, sure."

The second you were outside Mark turned to you, his jaw clenched. "What's going on with you and Jaemin?"

"Nothing. We're fine now. What, is that a problem?" You crossed your arms, not wanting to do this, but knowing you couldn't avoid it forever.

Mark's brows furrowed, his voice rising slightly. "It kinda feels like it is. We're supposed to be... you know, close. And now you're acting like I don't exist... You've been ignoring me all night Y/n. And now you're good with him again?"

Your frustration finally bubbled over. "Why do you even care Mark? It's not like you cared when you were hanging out with your ex."

Mark blinked, caught off guard. "What? What are you talking about?"

"I saw you." You said, the bitterness creeping into your voice. "I saw you with her. You two looked pretty close."

He stared at you, eyes wide in shock. "Y/n, it wasn't like that. We were just talking. It didn't mean anything."

"When we started fake dating it wasn't just about making Jaemin jealous, was it? You wanted her attention too." You swallowed hard, trying to keep your emotions in check.

Mark's eyes widened, clearly caught off guard by your words. "What? No Y/n, that's not—" he started, stumbling over his own thoughts. "It wasn't about her. I didn't- I thought we were both in on it, just... trying to move on." His voice softened, the uncertainty in his eyes betraying his attempt to seem sure of himself.

You shook your head, the sting of disappointment tightening in your chest. "That's the thing, Mark. It feels like you did choose her—again. Every time you get close to me, you pull back the second she's around." Your voice wavered, the hurt slipping out despite how hard you tried to keep it in. 

"What?" Mark asked, genuinely confused now, running a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated now. "But we're together, Y/n?" He said, almost as if he believed it himself.

You let out a hollow laugh, shaking your head. "Oh, now we're together? You didn't seem to be thinking about me when you were with her."

Mark's face twisted, frustration mixing with something else—something deeper. "That's not fair." He muttered, stepping closer. "You know it's not like that."

"Then what is it like Mark? Because I don't know what to think anymore. You were the one person I never thought I'd have to guard my heart from." You spoke, your voice softer now, but still filled with pain.

The air between you was thick with unspoken words, tension swirling in the space as Mark stood there, his gaze locked on yours. You could see the conflict in his eyes, the way his expression shifted from frustration to something softer, something vulnerable.

You tried to turn away, but he reached out, gently grabbing your wrist. "You don't have to guard your heart away from me... tell me how you feel."

You shook your head, trying to pull away, but he wouldn't let you. "Mark, let's just—"

Before you could say anything else, he moved closer. Then, without another word, he leaned in.

His lips were on yours, urgent and desperate, like he was trying to make sense of everything the only way he knew how, and you let yourself fall into it. 

It was good… too good, and it made your head spin. It wasn't a soft kiss, not hesitant or uncertain. It was filled with the weight of everything you'd both been holding back—the confusion, the tension, the yearning that had built up over time. 

For a second, you let yourself melt into him, feeling his warmth, the way his hands gently cupped your face like he was scared you'd pull away, your hands gripping his shirt. For a moment, it felt right—like all the confusion, had led to this, but then reality hit you again, hard.

"You're so confusing." You whispered, pulling away from him. 

Without waiting for him to respond, you turned and walked away, leaving him standing there, the weight of the kiss still hanging in the air between you. 

You didn't look back, you couldn't. If you did, you weren't sure what would happen next.

────୨ৎ────

You were curled up on your couch, staring at the TV without really watching it, replaying the kiss with Mark in your mind. Your lips still tingled with his taste and your heart felt heavy with all the confusion. You didn't know what to think, what to feel. The tension between you and Mark had been building for so long, but the way it ended... his words still echoed in your mind.

A knock at the door pulled you out of your thoughts. Your heart raced. It was Mark, it had to be him. He would want to talk things through? Maybe he felt the same things you did. You hurried to the door hoping for some kind of resolution, but when you swung it open your heart sank.

Jaemin stood there, hands shoved in his pockets. "Hey." He said, glancing down at the ground, then back up at you with those familiar eyes.

"Oh it's just you..." You answered, you couldn't help but to sound a little disappointed, prompting Jaemin's eyebrows to raise.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He giggled, before peeking inside "Can I come in?" 

You blinked, stepping back instinctively. "Jaemin... what are you doing here?"

He stepped inside, his presence filling the space with an awkward energy. "I wanted to talk." He said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

"I've been thinking Y/n, about us. I know things ended badly, but... maybe we made a mistake—I made a mistake. I miss you."

You froze, out of all possible times... 

"Jaemin..." You began, but before you could finish, there was another knock at the door.

Your heart leaped again, glancing at Jaemin, your stomach twisting. This time you knew it was Mark. You opened the door slowly, and there he was, standing on the other side, his expression brightening for a brief moment until his gaze flickered past you and landed on Jaemin. 

His face fell, the hurt in his eyes very visible as disappointment painted his face, the same disappointment you had when you saw him with his ex. Mark's mouth pressed into a thin line, his hands flexing at his sides.

"I... didn't know you had company." He muttered, stepping back, his voice thick with shame.

"Mark wait—" You started, but he shook his head, glancing between you and Jaemin.

"Looks like I'm interrupting something." he said, his voice low. "I'll leave you two to it."

Before you could say another word, Mark turned and walked away. You stood there, breathless, closing, but waiting, just incase he came back to give you a chance to explain.

"What the fuck is going on between you two?" Jaemin's voice cut through the silence. 

You turned back to him, looking numbly as you stayed silent.

"Weren't you just dating? What happened." He asked, obviously being unserious, giggling at his own comment. 

 You sighed, "We broke up." You murmured, opening the front door, signaling Jaemin to leave. 

"... Do you seriously like him?" Jaemin asked, looking at you with a face of disdain. 

You took a deep breath. "Jaemin get out."You said lowly, closing your eyes, trying to keep your composure as Jaemin made his way to the door.

Before he left out the door, he stopped, facing you, a smug look on his face as he raised his brow. "Can't say that I'm surprised, I've had a feeling even before we got together." He scoffed, rolling his eyes before walking out the door. 

You shut it behind him, taking a deep breath before sliding down the door, your legs too weak to stand. Everything you held in, what begged to be let out finally released. You sobbed heavily, wondering where it all went wrong. Your heart ached, feeling like it was torn out your torso and ripped in half, feeling the weight of the emptiness that settled in after Mark left. It made you feel more lost than you had before. How did you lose everything all at once? Whatever was there with you and Mark, it felt like it slipped away, just when it had started to feel real.  

────୨ৎ────

The days that followed your argument with Mark were unbearable. You hadn't spoken to him since, and that silence pressed down on you more than you had expected. You were heartbroken, not just because of the confusion and hurt surrounding the kiss, but because you missed him— like a lot. You missed the effortless connection, the late night talks and sleepovers, and the way things used to be before everything got complicated.

You stopped going out with the group, preferring to stay at home alone. Every notification from the group chat was a reminder of all the things that went wrong. You couldn't face Jaemin or anyone really, not with Mark lingering in your thoughts, every memory of him reopening the wound. From what you heard Mark wasn't showing up to anything either. It wasn't just you who was isolated, but that only made things worse. He had been your rock, your best friend, and now you didn't know where you stood with him at all. It felt like you two ruined each other. 

You thought about texting him, just something small to break the silence, but every time you opened the message app, you'd freeze. What would you even say? How could you explain the mess in your head when you couldn't even understand it yourself?

You were curled up on the couch, staring blankly at the TV, the sound nothing more than white noise in your brain. Your phone buzzed on the coffee table, but you ignored it, not having the energy to engage with anyone. The loneliness was suffocating, but reaching out felt impossible.

Then, there was a knock at the door.

You sat up, your heart immediately quickening. For a moment you wondered if it could be him, but you quickly brushed that thought aside. Why would he show up now, after all this time? You shuffled to the door, your fingers hesitant on the handle before pulling it open.

And there he was... Mark. He stood there, looking hesitant, his hands stuffed in his pockets. For a second, neither of you said anything, the staggered memories of the past few weeks hanging in the air.

"Mark..." you breathed, your voice shaky. You weren't sure if it was relief or anxiety.

He gave you a small, awkward smile. "Hey Y/n."

The awkward tension stretched between you, and you struggled to form words. Mark looked down at his feet, then back up at you with a flicker of something unreadable in his eyes. He cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably.

"Uh, Jaemin... Jaemin told me something the other day." He stated, and your stomach dropped at the mention of his name. "He said that... you liked me. Like, really liked me."

You froze, your heart slamming in your chest. He knew...

You were gonna kill Jaemin the next time you saw him, what is his problem with you, he's acting like you're the one who broke up with him, but before you said anything, Mark spoke again, his eyes widened, as if realizing he'd let the truth slip out too soon. 

"Shit. I—I wasn't supposed to say that." He stammered, running a hand through his hair nervously. 

"I mean, it's not like I didn't already... feel like something was there, but it's just—look, can I come in? We need to talk."

You stood there for a moment, stunned and unsure of how to respond. The vulnerability of having your feelings laid bare like this was terrifying, but there was a desperation in Mark's eyes that tugged at your heart. You stepped aside, nodding slightly, and he walked in, his presence both a comfort and a source of even more confusion.

You closed the door behind him, trying to brace yourself for whatever was about to happen. The silence felt heavy as you both sat down, neither knowing quite how to begin.

Mark's gaze softened as he looked at you, and when he spoke, his voice was quiet but sincere.

"I'm sorry, Y/n. For everything."

────୨ৎ────

The silence between you and Mark stretched on as you both sat there, the weight of all the unsaid words finally crashing down. Your heart was pounding and you could barely bring yourself to look at him. There had been so many moments, so many times when you wanted to tell him the truth, but fear had always kept you from doing it, but now, with him sitting right there, you knew you couldn't hide anymore.

Mark exhaled, his leg bouncing with nervous energy. He opened his mouth to speak, then stopped like he didn't know where to begin. You couldn't take it anymore, the tension building, the raw ache inside your chest that had been growing for weeks. You swallowed hard, finally speaking. 

"I've always liked you Mark." You said, your voice trembling. His eyes snapped to yours, wide with surprise. "I've liked you for so long... but after the first time, after you chose her I had to move on. I couldn't sit around waiting for something that was never going to happen."

Mark's brows furrowed, like he was trying to process your words. "Wait... what do you mean?"

"Mark—" You giggled, but it came out more as a sigh. "I gave up when I realized you didn't like me back. That's what hurts the most. I've spent so long hiding how I feel, pretending that I was fine being your friend when all I wanted was for you to look at me the way you looked at her." You said, looking down, fidgeting with your fingernails.

"But Y/n... I did like you. Like a lot. I thought you and Jaemin were—" He stopped, fumbling for words. "I didn't think I even had a chance with you."

You let out a laugh. "You didn't think you had a chance? Mark, I've been right here, the entire time. You're the one who didn't see me. Or maybe you just didn't want to."

"That's not true," Mark said quickly, his eyes full of regret. "I saw you, Y/n. I've always seen you, but I thought you didn't think of me in that way. That's why I got with her and when we broke up, you and Jaemin started dating."

You looked away, unable to hold his gaze. "I love Jaemin," you admitted, your voice quiet. "But I can't lie and say that he wasn't a distraction... from you." You said, turning to him. 

Mark seemed to flinch at your words, like they hit him deeper than he expected. "A distraction?" He repeated, his voice barely above a whisper.

You nodded. "It was easier, you know? To focus on Jaemin and have a crush on him instead, to tell myself that I'd moved on, but every time I saw you with her, every time you chose her, it broke something inside me. I couldn't take it anymore."

Mark's face twisted with emotion, a mix of sorrow and frustration. "I never meant to choose her over you, Y/n. I didn't even realize that's what I was doing. You were always the one I went to, the one I trusted. But I was an idiot, and I didn't see what was right in front of me."

The room was heavy with your words as you sighed, trying to push past the knot tightening in your chest. "It's ok. I guess it doesn't matter anymore. I'm glad we cleared the air so we can go back to being friends like we used to be."

You gave him a small smile, hoping it would ease the tension, but the moment the words left your lips, you could sense a shift in the air. Mark stiffened beside you, his body language betraying the discomfort your words had caused. He stared at you for a long, quiet second, and something in his gaze made you nervous. His usual easy going smile was nowhere to be seen, replaced instead with an expression that was difficult to read.

The room fell into a thick, uncomfortable silence. His leg was bouncing restlessly, his fingers fidgeting with the edge of his sleeve, like he was desperate to say something, but couldn't m find the words.

"But—" he mumbled, biting his lip nervously as his gaze remained on anything but you.

You blinked at him, confusion rippling through you. "But what?" you asked softly, your voice filled with curiosity and a bit of hope. You felt your heart rate pick up as you waited, suddenly aware of how close he was sitting.

Mark hesitated, his leg bouncing even faster now. He was clearly battling with himself, trying to decide if he should let the words out or hold them in. Finally, he took a shaky breath, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don't want to be your friend."

Your heart stopped. For a moment, you were certain you had misheard him. Your mind raced to process what he had just said, but the confusion only grew stronger. "Well then... I guess we're done here, aren't we?" you replied, your voice cracking as the emotions bubbled up.

Mark's eyes widened in panic, and for the first time, he looked genuinely shaken. He swallowed hard, trying to gather himself. "No, that's not what I mean." He said quickly, his hand reaching out slightly toward you but then pulling back before he made contact.

You tilted your head, watching him as his leg bounced even faster, his fingers now anxiously twisting his sleeve. His lips parted as if to say something, then closed again. The tension in the air was unbearable.

Finally, Mark's voice broke the silence, low and trembling. "I want to be more than friends Y/n..."

Your breath hitched. You weren't sure you had heard him correctly at first. Is Mark finally saying the thing you had waited to hear for so long? You stared at him full of disbelief, searching his face for any sign of a joke or hesitation. But there was none—his expression was completely serious.

He avoided your gaze, clearly nervous as he spoke again, his voice quiet. "I like you a lot Y/n. Even after all this time, I still do. I never stopped... I just—" He let out a shaky breath and finally looked you in the eyes.

"Do you still... like me?" he asked softly, his voice barely audible, and for the first time, you saw fear behind his eyes—fear of rejection, fear of ruining whatever was left between you.

Your throat tightened, and for a moment, you couldn't speak. Your feelings, the ones you had buried for so long, were rising to the surface again. The air thick with tension, you could hear your heartbeat pounding in your ears as you searched for the right words.

Finally, you nodded, slowly at first, then faster. "I do... I do still like you...so much." You whispered, the confession slipping from your lips before you could stop it. The moment the words left your mouth, you felt relief, like you were finally free of the weight that had been pressing down on you for so long.

Mark's face lit up at your words, his eyes shining with disbelief. He looked like he could hardly believe what he was hearing. 

"You do?" he asked, his voice full of hope and vulnerability.

You nodded again, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. "I've always liked you Mark. Even when I tried to move on, even when I was with Jaemin... it was always you."

Mark's breath hitched, reaching out, his hand gently brushing against yours. His touch was hesitant, like he was afraid you might pull away, but you didn't. You laced your fingers with his, holding onto him like you were afraid to let go.

"Do you... do you want to be with me?" he asked, his voice trembling as his hand tightened around yours.

Your lip trembled, and you could feel the tears welling up in your eyes. This was everything you had ever wanted, everything you had dreamed of. But now that it was here, it felt overwhelming.

Instead of answering with words, you pulled him into a tight hug, your arms wrapping around him as you buried your face in his shoulder. His scent was familiar, comforting, and you held onto him like you were gonna lose him.

Mark's arms wrapped around you just as tightly as he held you close. For a minute, neither of you said anything, just holding each other in silence.

Finally, you pulled back, cupping his face in your hands as you looked into his eyes, your heart was pounding in your chest.

"Yes," you whispered, a smile breaking across your face as you leaned in, your lips brushing against his. "I want to be with you."

Before he could respond, you closed the distance between you, pressing your lips to his in a kiss that felt like it was years in the making. His lips were soft against yours, warm and gentle.

The kiss deepened, slow and tender. For the first time in what felt like forever, everything felt right. There was no pretending, no hiding. It was just you and him, finally together, finally where you were supposed to be.

When you finally pulled away, breathless and a little dizzy, you looked at him with a smile. "We finally have each other, for real this time." You whispered. 

Mark smiled back at you, his eyes full of love and warmth. "Yeah..." he said softly, pulling you close again. "We do."

────୨ৎ────

The evening was filled with laughter, You and Mark were sitting close, his arm casually draped over the back of your chair, a soft smile never leaving his face as he glanced at you every so often.

The group had decided on a night in, just movies, snacks, and a lot of catching up. It felt like old times again, but better—because this time, you had Mark by your side in a way you'd never had before. Every time your hands brushed, every shared glance, you felt your heart flutter. 

Jaemin, of course, wasn't letting the night pass without teasing. He smirked at the two of you as he leaned back into the couch. "Look at them" he rolled his eyes playfully, nudging someone beside him. "Lovebirds. It's like they've been together all this time. Who would've thought?"

You laughed, rolling your eyes but feeling no need to defend yourself this time.

Mark chuckled, his thumb brushing your arm lightly. "Man, it took us long enough."

Jaemin raised an eyebrow, pretending to be shocked. "Took you long enough? More like I had to shove you two together. Where's my matchmaking credit?"

The group laughed, and for a moment, everything just felt light, but the teasing wasn't quite over.

"So, Jaemin…" one of the others piped up, a mischievous grin spreading across their face. "You've been all about these smart remarks tonight... anything you want to tell us?"

Jaemin's face immediately flushed. "W-What? Me? Nah I'm just here for the drama, you know that." He said, waving it off.

"Sure…" The smirk on their face grew even wider. "Except, we've noticed you've been spending an awful lot of time with someone lately."

You perked up at that, exchanging a glance with Mark. She sat quietly on the other side of the room, raising her eyebrows in surprise, her cheeks turning pink. 

Jaemin opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He was speechless for once.

Everyone burst into laughter. Jaemin couldn't stop himself from cracking a smile as he shook his head in defeat. "You guys are unbelievable."

Mark leaned over, whispering in your ear, "Guess we're not the only ones who needed a push, huh?"

“Mark Ive been known about it.”  You grinned, speaking purposely loud so everyone could turn to you. 

“How?” Jaemin asked, raising his eyebrow as everyone looked at you with questioning eyes. 

“She was the only one who wasn’t curious about why Me and Mark were holding hands when I was still with Jaemin. She knew about the break up before any of you knew.” You answered causing everyone to raise their eyebrows in realization.

“Dude… wait you’re right.” Mark added, looking at you with a small smile. 

“Oops…” Jaemin responded, everyone laughing at the squeak in his voice. 

As the night carried on, you found yourself taking little moments just to breathe in the atmosphere, to hold onto this feeling.

Every smile he gave you, every gentle touch, was like a stitch pulling the pieces to your heart back together. The pain you'd carried for so long was fading. Mark was helping you become whole again.

For the first time in a long time everything felt right and as you sat there, surrounded by laughter and love, you knew that you were exactly where you were meant to be.

And as you looked around the room—at the friends who had stuck with you, at the boy who had once been your closest friend and was now so much more, you realized something.

You were finally happy.

Oh yeah… and his ex left the friend group! Xoxo

[bee-dot-exe]

Surprise, I told you that I would post it and tag you eventually, @wolfboypunzo, hope this is what you had in mind!

Last Day Of Twitchcon

993 words

Bit of angst, it's a Dream Team but Sapnap focused hurt/comfort, so it has a sweet ending.

The second we were sure the streams had ended, the raids had gone through, and Discord was closed, the three of us headed for a more secluded area of the convention building to relax.

Before Dream and George left for the next panel. Which I wasn't invited to for whatever reason. But it's fine. I was so goddamn tired and didn't feel that great anyway.

None of us completely fell asleep, but we did let our minds and bodies relax for the next hour or so, and then we were backstage. Even though Dream has shown his face for a year now, it was still one of his first major outings, he had a right to be nervous. Of course, George and I took him through a couple grounding techniques and reassured him of his worth and impact.

Then Parker walked out.

Then Bad, Sylvee, Puffy, Dream, George, Sam, Hannah.

Then Bink, Spreen, Gia.

"I want us to take the time for the last little bit of the panel and say one nice thing about everyone else, say your favorite thing about the other people on these couches, end this with some feel good moments."

The longer they spent, the more my stomach felt a little bit like it was putting itself in a knot. It was really nice, and I was happy for everyone, they deserve it, they all deserve everything. I didn't wanna be out there.

By the end, everyone's eyes were a bit shiny, even George's, and everyone was backstage again. The ones who were on the panel stayed for some group pictures and conversed, when Dream walked over to me standing by the wall away from the crowd.

"All good, Sap?"

I nodded and lightly rubbed my eye with the back of my hand.

"Kinda tired. Kinda hungover."

He smiled sympathetically.

"Wanna head back to the hotel?"

I nodded again, so he got George, we said our see you later's, and left.

Almost as soon as we used the keycard to our room, we all made way to our designated sleeping spots.

"Been a long day, long couple days, actually."

I said while trying to sink as far into the bed as it would let me, Dream and George vehemently agreeing, maybe everything would be fine and I could forget what happened.

"You did such a good job out there, by the way. I know it was pretty nerve wracking. But you did it, and that meant a lot to the fans."

Maybe not.

"You did such a good job today, too, I know that's not easy, especially when it comes to like showing emotions, which I didn't expect."

Definitely not.

I listened to them talk about the panel for a few more minutes, before I turned my face into the pillow and exhaled heavily, apparently causing more of a disturbance than I intended, because Dream and George stopped talking.

"Hey, what's going on, does your head hurt that bad, Nick?"

Damn Dream and his big heart.

"It's fine, sorry."

"Don't worry, we can stop, want me to get you some water or something?"

George too? This wasn't fair.

"I said it's fine."

"I mean, clearly not, let me just---"

"My head isn't the problem, okay?"

I didn't mean to say that so loud. Or come off that way. Or say anything at all.

"I'm sorry, I'm just tired."

I put my head back on the pillow and tried to avoid making eye contact.

"Hey Nick?"

Guess not making eye contact wasn't an option.

"That's not all that's going on, is it?"

I shook my head slow enough for them to hopefully not notice, of course I wasn't that lucky, and they both started over the sit on the edge of my bed.

"The panel was really nice."

"Sap?"

"It was really nice and I wasn't there."

"Sap..."

"It was really nice and everyone was being really nice and you guys were saying really nice things about each other."

"Sapnap."

I looked up at that.

"Sapnap, one day I was this random kid playing Minecraft who met this other random kid playing Minecraft and the stars aligned just right or something and this kid said 'type 123 for Skype team' and that led me to one of my best friends.

And then you moved in and met Patches, and you let me do as much as I could without showing my face, which wasn't a lot, and you could've said 'no this is too much' or something, but you didn't, you stayed by my side the whole time through everything no matter what.

You have never not been by my side to encourage me or keep my anxiety at bay or stop putting up with the things I ask of you or put you through and I couldn't be more grateful to have you here."

The tears that had been pricking at the corners of my eyes after I raised my voice earlier were now small trails racing down and over my cheekbones as Dream finished speaking.

"You got on a plane the second you heard that I wasn't feeling the greatest emotionally even though it scares you.

You picked me up from the airport when I got to the US and were the person to greet me and help me start this new life with you and Dream.

You drive me crazy and I drive you crazy and we have fun and laugh and I can count on you for anything."

George. I think he was replaced by a clone or something. Cause he doesn't talk like this. And I was still crying. I didn't know what to say.

"Hey guys?"

"Yes?"

"I wasn't lying when I said I was tired earlier."

"Come here, dumbass."

We all laughed, Dream hugged me and laid us down together, George following behind, so we could take a a nap, and continue to do this crazy journey called life with each other.

[ventihonklightice]

Clingy || Wilbur Soot

word count: 3.5k

~~~

Y/N had been lounging around the flat all day as her boyfriend filmed videos with his fellow Minecraft friends. Wilbur had currently been recording with Tommy and Quackity, another one of their wild Minecraft mod videos. She knew her love was busy and had his responsibilities with his own videos alongside the ones made with his friends, but she had been scrolling through Twitter and saw that he had just gotten verified. There was no way he knew about the news as he had been busy all day doing his job.

A smile grew on her face as she rushed to his bedroom door to share the great news, however she paused as she heard the nature of his current discussion with his friends.

“- but she’s been good. We’ve been really good,” Y/N smiled at his words, seemingly knowing it was about her. That smile quickly disappeared at the words her boyfriend was about to spew. “Just, she’s been kind of needy and clingy or something,” Wilbur shook his head not fully understanding his own words, looking at the wall behind his monitor too lost in his thoughts. He couldn’t quite understand his own thoughts half of the time, especially today as all he has done was played Minecraft. Slowly, the hate he has been receiving has been catching up to him, forcing him into this pit he’d never thought he’d be in which added to the stress that fueled his words. “Like she thinks she always has to be with me. Right now even, she’s at the flat.” Wilbur ran his fingers through his messy brown hair as he proceeded to explain his relationship. “I love her, I do, but I can’t even be with her right now so I don’t understand why she has to be here,” he confessed, mind clouded with tiredness masked by the wine he downed in an attempt to calm his nerves.

Y/N furrowed her brows leaning forward to listen further. “Well, she loves you, so what do you expect her to do? Not want to be with you?” She heard an American accent, likely belonging to Quackity.

“I-I don’t know. It’s just- I’m not used to this. It’s been a while since I’ve seriously been with a girl like this before. I just need space, but she wants to be around me constantly. It’s annoying.” The anger, the annoyance, and the frustration were all evident in his voice, making Y/N second guess a lot of her choices the past few days. She looked down at her hands, the mustard sleeves reaching past her palms belonging to the man behind the door she leaned on.

She closed her eyes in an attempt to push back her tears before she walked away, not being able to listen to him any further. Her eyes began to water more and more as bothering him was the very last thing she had ever wished to do. She sat on the couch before pulling the jumper off of her body, folding it neatly in her hands before pulling on her shoes.

Fanning her face quickly to reduce any possible puffiness or redness, Y/N timidly knocked on the door to Wilbur’s room. “Hold on guys,” he spoke to his friends, muting himself on discord. “Yeah?” She heard his deep voice call from the other side, taking it as her cue to push the door open. His hair fluffed about as he turned to face her. “Hey what’s up?” He asked with a soft smile.

“I uh think I’m gonna head home, got an early shift tomorrow and all,” she spoke softly while avoiding his gaze. Y/N wasn’t one to lie so she felt guilty for doing so but she didn’t know what else to do.

He furrowed his brows, confused at her words. She almost always stays the night, especially when she works early because he lives closer to her job.

“You sure? You’re more than welcome to stay the night. Y-You always do,” he muttered with slight concern in his words as he took his headset off.

She shook her head lightly, “nah it’s alright. Gotta water the plants,“ Y/N fiddled with the door handle as her other hand traced the sweater, knowing full well she doesn’t have any plants.

“Alright, I’ll walk you out,” he stood up, adjusting the chair in order to do so. Y/N reached out to him, his jumper resting in her hand, “where’d you like me to put this?”

He stood up, increasingly getting confused at her actions because he knew that she loved wearing his clothes and stealing them any chance she got. “I-I’ll um, just toss it on the bed,” he pointed to the made bed, slipping on his shoes to walk her out.

She felt his form loom over her as he walked with her out of the flat and to her car. They walked in silence, uncharacteristically. Wilburs’s hands were stuffed in the pockets of his pants lost in his thoughts as he heard her car alarm He walked to the driver’s side, lost in his thoughts while he opened the door for her.

She approached the door, getting ready to sit in the driver’s seat before turning to Wilbur to bid goodbye. He leaned down to kiss her, standard for all of their farewells, but she turned her head at the last second, his lips crashing onto her cheek. His heart dropped at the odd situation he was placed in, wondering why this was happening.

“I-I’ll see you later,” she smiled softly before sitting down and preparing to drive.

He could let her go like this. He had to know if things were good, okay even. Before he shut the door, he leaned down a bit to get closer to her. “Is everything okay? You seem a bit off, darling.”

“Y-yeah I’m just really tired,” she chuckled humorlessly, placing a hand on her forehead. “Sorry, it’s just been a weird day.”

“If you’re that tired you could stay here,” his voice practically pleaded, assuring her once more that she always had a place there.

“I-I’ll be fine, I promise.” Her words were soft along with her eyes, but she just wanted to give him what he desired; space.

“You sure?” He asked once more, extremely concerned, but what answer was he really expecting? Y/N nodded her head, “positive.”

“Alright, text me when you get home,” he leaned back, preparing to shut the door for her. She nodded her head, pushing her keys into the ignition. “I love you,” he spoke sincerely, bending down so that she’d be able to see him better once more. There was an emotion in YN’s eyes that he couldn’t recognize, but the smile on her face was sad. “I-you too, I’ll see you later,” she fiddled with her keys before meeting his gaze.

His heart shattered at the words. You too? What the hell is that suppose to mean?

He gave a tight smile before shutting the door for her. You too, the words echoed in his mind as he began walking back to the front door, pausing his steps on the pavement to watch her pull out of the driveway. He sighed before turning back to his path home. Upon returning, the place felt dimmer without her presence and he quickly took note of that.

Letting out a huge sigh, he plopped down at his desk, unmuting himself on Discord. “Sorry bout that, I’m back. J-Just walking Y/N out,” he spoke, taking the only opportunity his friends quieted down to speak.

“Wilbur!” Tommy yelled as the rest of the VC, which now had Niki, Jack and Fundy, errupted in chaos. “W-What? What the fuck happened?”

“Dude you got verified on Twitter,” Quackity shouted. His eyes went wide, opening the light blue app to see if it was true. Sure enough, a small check mark emphasized his name. He beamed at the sight of it, rushing to make a tweet about how grateful he was.

He went back to his feed, noticing that Y/N had made a tweet about ten or so minutes prior.

y/n✨| @yourusername

so proud of my favorite boy getting verified <3 love you @WilburSoot !!

His heart clenched at the tweet, being drawn back to the events that occurred moments beforehand. He liked and retweeted it, watching his fans swoon at the couple’s interaction without knowing what was happening behind closed doors, before getting back to his friends being completely distracted by thoughts on the girl he loves.

~~~

Y/N never texted him to tell him that she was home. She woke up late that morning seeing a few texts from him about twitter, how his stream went and so on.

As she looked at the time on her phone, realizing the lie she told him about working early and chose not to answer quite yet.

She spent the rest of her day around the house, cleaning, cooking or watching TV. She wasn’t in any mood to go on social media, not wanting to interact with Wilbur quite yet. Y/N sighed thinking about yesterday, thinking that it would be a better idea to just give him some space.

And so she did, for several days before Wilbur’s worry consumed him.

He sat on Discord with his friends, days after his last interaction with his girlfriend. “It’s just weird because she’s never like this. She always calls or texts me whenever she gets the chance regardless of whether or not I ask,” he expressed to his friends as they were fucking around on their own Minecraft world. He wasn’t even paying attention to what he was doing in the game, just aimlessly pressing buttons and moving his mouse as he thought of Y/N.

Tommy chuckled shortly, “now look whos being needy.”

“Shut up Tommy,” Wilbur explained, running a hand across his chin, fingertips gracing his incredibly overgrown stubble. “Look I’m just saying,” the blond furthered, “there’s no need for you to say she’s clingy or whatever when your freaking out over a text! Like you saw her less than what, two, three ago?”

Wilbur shook his head, fuming now, “Oh my god, shut the fuck up Tommy! How would you, a literal child, know anything about what’s going on? You’ve barely hit puberty!” His outburst caused his friends to quiet down, them not being used to anger being directed in such a way.

“Wilbur,” Tommy started once again, becoming more serious, “I know you. You worrying over a few short days almost disproves everything you said the other day. I think you don’t know how to handle affection well, not that she’s clingy or whatever.” Hearing Tommy acting serious and not childish for this one second made something snap within Wilbur, knowing that the child was right.

He sighed, “I-I’m sorry for snapping at you. Everything is happening at once in my life right now and Y/N not talking to me has me worried. This isn’t what’s normal between us. It’s strange.”

“But isn’t this what you wanted? She isn’t being as ‘needy’ now. You got your wish, didn’t you?” George chimed in, hoping to help even though his own experiences with relationships hasn’t always been the best.

“Yeah, and I fucking hate it, I don’t know why I even said that. I don’t mean it. I love when she’s around, I hate when she isn’t,” Wilbur went on, his thoughts focusing on the good memories he has with his girlfriend.

“Be careful what you wish for,” Dream spoke ominously, feeling as if now was the most appropriate time to speak.

“I-I’m gonna call her,” the distressed twenty year old expressed, whipping out his phone to go to her number. As the phone rang, he became more and more nervous.

“What if she got in an accident? Or someone kidnapped her or something?”He rushed before him and his friends heard “please leave a message for 3-“

“Wilbur, she’s probably fine. She probably had a long day at work or something,” Niki spoke, hoping to add a small but of optimism to the situation.

“Yeah but she would’ve told me that. She would’ve called me to rant about her day, and tell me how much she wanted to see me, but she didn’t.” He leaned back in his chair, getting more and more stressed out over this.

“I-I think I’m gonna head to her flat.”

~~~

The drive was long as his anxiety slowly but surely began to increase with every green light. He pulled into her complex, parking and building up the courage to confront her.

“It’ll be fine. Things are fine,” he muttered to himself as he walked up the steps to the familiar doormat.

He knocked on the door, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants. After a minute, there was no response so he knocked again with more ergency.

“Just a minute,” he heard her soft voice yell out, flooding him with relief. The voice wasn’t as warm as it typically was, only increasing his nervousness.

Before he knew it, Y/N opened the door, eyes meeting his chest before trickling to his eyes. “Wilbur? What are you doing here?”

He froze, shocked at the situation that he forced upon himself without realizing it. “I-You weren’t answering any calls or texts. I was worried,” he mumbled, immediately taking note of her puffy eyes.

“Have you been crying?” He stepped closer to her with concern lacing his voice. He reached out to hold her waist, caress her cheek, anything, but she stepped away slighted. Y/N blinked, “y-yeah, it’s just allergies.”

“You don’t have allergies like that Y/N. May I please come in?” Wilbur knew her better than that, probably even better than she knew herself. She nodded shortly opening the door wider for him to enter, looking down at her sock clad feet.

He entered the tiny flat, taking not that the once welcoming space has become littered with turmoil. The tissues by the sofa didn’t go unnoticed and neither did the pile of dishes in the sink. “What’s been going on? These past few days you’ve been acting strange,” he asked sincerely.

Y/N looked around, finding something and pretending to be busy with it. “I’ve just been busy,” she mumbled looking over the pile of mail she refused to actually look through. “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry, would you like some tea?” She asked, realizing her manners.

“Y/N,” he spoke defeated, “come on talk to me, please.” He practically begged as he followed her steps into the kitchen to start the kettle, even though he didn’t give her an answer.

“Everything’s fine, Wilbur,” she replied absentmindedly as she searched for her various teas. “We got chai tea, black tea, Engli-“

“Y/N, I dont fucking want tea right now I want you to talk to me,” he shouted, approaching her in the kitchen and forcing her to face him by pulling her waist gently. She gasped at the loudness of his words, not used to him yelling at her.

“Wilbur,” Y/N whispered, her hands on his chest as he looked down into her eyes. Desperation was clear in his before being mimicked in his words, “this is the longest you’ve gone without calling me Wil. Come on Y/N, please.” His voice cracked towards the end, the shakiness not leaving.

She closed her eyes tightly before she pulled herself out of his arms, turning to grab two mugs out of the cupboard, “you’re getting chai tea.”

“Love, I just want us to be okay,” he spoke passionately, pleading for things to be right.

“We are okay Wilbu- Wil,” she corrected, more so forcing the nickname to combat his complaint. As she prepared each cup, putting Wilbur’s desired amount of sugar into his cup and respectively her own.

He shook his head, not believing her words as his own eyes began to turn red, “there’s something wrong and I can tell. Please just-please Y/N.” His voice was completely broken and she knew she had to express her concerns. She paused her motions, staring at the jar of sugar she just placed onto the counter.

“I-I didn’t want to bother you,” she muttered softly, examining the mugs before her.

The man sniffed, confusion growing within him. “W-What do you mean? You could never bother me Y/N,” his voice soft, approaching her once again.

She shook her head, moving to put sugar in each cup, forgetting that she already did so, “but that’s not true. We both know that.” The water remained on the stove while copious amount of sugar occupied each cup. Wilbur gently grabbed the hand holding the spoon that shoveled the sugar into the mugs, making her stop her own actions.

“Yes it is, love.” Wilbur whispered softly as she put the spoon into the jar, coming back to reality. Y/N let out a shaky breath, facing the counter while Wilbur occupied her side, facing her.

“So why’d you tell all of your friends that I’ve been clingy and needy and overbearing and everything under the sun?” She whispered as her voice wobbled, indicating that tears would soon come falling down.

Wilbur furrowed his brows, confused at the words she expressed. He scavenged his mind, not understanding what she was stating. “What are yo-“ he cut himself off, taking his hand from hers as he remembered that conversation.

Guilt washed over his soul as he realized the greater impact of his words. She thought she had to change....for those idiotic meaningless words expressed in a fit of stress and exhaustion. He shook his head lightly, refusing to look at her, refusing to look at the damage he’s caused.

“I didn’t mean it Y/N. I just-there was a lot on my plate and I just had to complain about something. A-And you were there to complain about.” He spoke honestly, knowing that it doesn’t excuse his behavior. The sound of the kettle went off, the whistle tones attacking his ears while Y/N ignored it to focus on the conversation at hand.

“I just didn’t want to be a burden,” she muttered with a wobbling bounce that made the tall idiotic man pull her into his arms.

“No,no,no don’t ever ever think that again. You are not a burden. You never were Y/N. This is on me, I shouldn’t have said what I had said,” he muttered into her hair, repeating apologies like a mantra while kissing her hairline.

She let go, allowing her pent up feelings from the past few day flow out through tears while in the comfort of his arms, “my biggest fear is bothering people. I-I didn’t want to upset you.”

“You didn’t,” he pulled away to hold her tear stained cheeks in his hands, regret prominent in his gaze, “you have been nothing but patient with me these past few months and that is something I don’t even have the words to express, love.”

“You, Y/N L/N, are not a burden, not now, not ever,” he whispered lovingly. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I’m sorry I even said it. I didn’t mean it, but fuck I shouldn’t have. Look at what I’ve done to you,” his voice wavered as he pulled away to assess the damage. “Fuck,” he shook his head as a sob escaped his lips before he could pull her into his arms again.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, holding her tight while the whistle pierced his ears. She leaned back slightly, pressing her forehead against his while closing her eyes, “I know, I know. It’s okay. I know you. I know you wouldn’t mean it.”

“I love you,” he whispered, holding her head in one of his hands. “I love you too, Wil,” she whispered back, pulling his lips onto hers, sealing their words with this actions.

As much as he loved the feeling of her soft lips on his once again, he pulled away. “Okay, okay, as much as I don’t want this to stop, that damn kettle is driving me mad,” he expressed, making Y/N chuckle before kissing him on the cheek and going to turn off the stove.

He watched fondly as she was about to pour the water into the mugs, stoping to see the plethora of sugar in each. “Oh shit,” she paused, laughing at the mess she had made. Wilbur snapped out of his gaze, examining the scene that caused her words.

He shook his head lightly, grabbing the kettle from her hands before placing it back onto the stovetop. “You,” he turned to face her, poking her cheek, “go to bed, get all comfy and put on a film. I will finish the tea and bring it to you.” His eyes got soft towards the end of his statement as he went to assess the mug situation.

“Then,” he spoke gently, grabbing her waist once again, littering her face with kisses that trailed down her neck, “I’ll spend the whole day making it up to you.”

Y/N laughed, running her fingers through his soft hair, “can’t wait.” His lips stayed pressed onto her neck, before they made their way back to her own.

[miraeluc]

he comforts you

prompt: “it was 2am, he was spending his time building his minecraft world - that is until you showed up at his doorstep crying”

pairing: kozume kenma x reader

word count: 983

warnings: tw! depression, reader explains how they feel and it’s not nice, mommy issues, self harm in the form of disordered eating

genre: angst, fluff

NOTE: its a bit short because this drabble is just me dumping all of my emotions out, it’ll get kind of dark, so sorry in advance. also this is based on my situation, but if you feel the same, please feel free to message me. not proof-read

it was 2am.

you were walking to your boyfriend’s house, tears streaming down your face after yet another argument with your mother

this time it was because you never sleep during the night, opting to sleep during the day instead

if only she knew she was the reason you slept the days away.

kenma knew of your mental health

he knew how hard days could get for you and he always tried to be there as much as he could, showing his support in every possible way if it meant it made you feel better. but sometimes, you couldn’t help and shut him out.

he could never break your shell when you got that way, isolating yourself in your own room, not showing any signs of life at all, and it pained him, truly, but all he could do was wait it out until you came to him again.

he still supported you - of course. he texted you every day, reminding you to eat meals, reminding you to brush your teeth and drink water.

sometimes he even stopped by your house to make sure you were still alive - your mother usually being the one to open the door, claiming that “they’re only in bed, no chance of getting to her. being lazy - as usual.”

it irked him to no end.

you weren’t lazy. you were struggling and she was one reason for it.

she was the reason yet she had the guts to talk bad about you.

he usually just dropped off something he wanted to give you, your mother bursting into your room and giving you whatever he brought, but not leaving without starting another argument.

other days, he would (politely) shove past your mother, walking to your room and just laying with you,

no words needed to be exchanged - he already knew. 

but lately, nothing seemed to be stopping you from closing yourself off.

it came to a point where he was truly worried for your health, fearing you didn’t take care of your body as he wished you would

so when he heard the doorbell ring at 2am, he was surprised, but he immediately knew it was you

when he opened the door, only to reveal you, who had been obviously crying a lot, judging by the red and puffy eyes, his gaze softened and he immediately pulled you inside the warmth of his home, away from the dangers the outside world held.

 you immediately broke down crying when he pulled you into a warm hug

“-kenma, what do i do?...” you cried out

he sighed softly, patting the top of your head gently 

“tell me what’s on your mind, angel? only then can i try to help.” he spoke softly, guiding you towards his room, pulling you down on the bed when you arrived, once again wrapping his arms around you 

“i just.. i feel so h-hopeless? lately, i have no motivation to get out of bed because my mother strikes up a fight every time she sees me- all i want to do is sleep.. i’m awake at night, wondering where i went wrong and why i don’t deserve a loving mother too, i sleep during the day only for my mom to wake me up at 6pm to yell at me about how lazy i am-” you stopped, a sob ripping through your lungs

kenma raked his fingers through your hair, letting you know he was listening, giving you the space to speak when ready

“a-and school work’s been piling up.. i think i’m failing most of my classes, but i’m scared to check.. i do-n’t remember the last time i checked my assignments.. all i do is cry all day, i don-’t even eat anymore, i just can’t get up to eat..”

he sighed softly, hand reaching to wipe at your tears 

“y/n, i need you to listen to me carefully. i know how hard it is - and i promise you deserve a loving mother too, it breaks my heart to see you suffer because of her.. but you can’t listen to what she says. as hard as it sounds, you’re not required to keep anyone in your life, even if it’s your mother. you’re allowed to cut her off - of course, it’s a bit hard right now, considering you still live with her, but until then, i’ll need you to stay strong for me and not let yourself get teared down by her harsh words and actions, ok? you’re so much more worth than what she makes you think. as hard as it is, i’ll be here with you, supporting you through whatever stones life throws at you. you will not feel like this forever, pain is temporary, as for your school work.. i can try and help you get back on track, but grades do not define your self-worth so don’t feel like you failed, you need to prioritise your mental health over your grades. i will be here to help you get back up on your feet and i’m happy to be, i’ll teach you how to love yourself, and it’ll be a long way, but you can do it, alright? i’ll forever be here, y/n, i love you.”

he then pulled you up to him, tugging you in a gentle kiss full of love

after he pulled away, he stood up, leaving the room, only to return with a glass of water and some snacks, smiling at you

you sniffled, also smiling

“thank you so much, kenma. i love you”

he shook his head, laying down beside you again 

“think you can stay over for a few days?”

you smiled softly, shrugging “probably, just need to get my stuff.”

just like that, kenma brought back the light that was slowly diminishing in your life, and for the first time in a long time you felt hopeful.

requests: open

read rules before requesting.

[heckpup]

Hmmmmmm Time for the Part 2 of the Immortal Tommy AU I cooked up with my raw materials in the middle of the night

:DDDDDDDDD What fun. I have also now decided that Tommy's new wings are now phoenix style (cause he's immortal now, innit?), in flames, but only at the tips (so far, this will change the older he gets) and only if he wants them to be. Had he still been mortal, they probably would've been just a regular red, and so that is what they look like when they're not on fire.

Also, I'd like to imagine that the old worlds from when we were kids (with borders and that didn't go on forever and just stopped and dropped off into the void, right? I know me and my friends loved to find the corners and try to go through. Good times.) are what the god's personal realms are like. Not enough room for rebellion, since there's not enough room to run from an angry god/goddess. If you go to the edge, you can look at/travel to other worlds as well. Most gods don't bring other people into their worlds anyway, but *shrugs*

Edit: (I can't believe I forgot this I'm so sorry ;-;) TW:Mentions of bl00d, Mention of de@th, mentions of m@n!pulat!0n and g@sl!ght!ng, mentions of t0rture.

Just thought I should mention + explain.

~

"Hey Clara?" Tommy asks from a small tree, letting his feathers move gently in the wind.

"Yes, Tommy?" Clara calls from below, looking up at the young immortal. Tommy glides down to meet her on the ground, and he looks up at her a little sheepishly.

"Do you think that since, well, you know, I'm recovered and shit, I could visit those bitches from the SMP? I kinda just want to, uh, blow up at them, sorta. I just- its a lot of untapped rage and I really just wanna scream at 'em, you know? It's totally ok if you think I shouldn't I mean, you are the biggest man- er, woman- here, just wanted to ask, but uh-"

"Tommy." Clara cuts him off with a small smile, and a bit of mischief and malice (And anger, as well) twinkling in her dark eyes. "I think that's a wonderful idea. Besides," She begins to walk over to the edge of their small world, "they need to understand what they did, and its never good for us immortals to hold grudges over mortals. Could cause some unplanned problems in the far future."

Tommy beams, and Clara begins mentally preparing for the showdown with glee. "Tommy, how do you want to do it?" She asks, inner drama queen squealing.

"Well-" Tommy tells her- "-I really want it to be big and dramtic, you know? Like lightning and thunder, and like things bursting into flame and shit. I could probably do the flames myself, but do you think-" He looks up at her expectantly.

"Of course!" She says, patting his shoulder. "A storm fit for a god. It would be only fitting, of course. I am going to come along, of course. Just in case there are any unexpected developments, like more dramatic effect."

Tommy nods. "Yeah! Those bitches aren't gonna know what hit them! But, do you think you could stay invisible 'n shit for it? I still wanna do this by myself. I don't-" He cuts himself off, feathers ruffling. "I wanna yell and bitch about it, and I want to do this on my own. Like an important milestone on my recovery." Clara nods in agreement.

"Right, right. For the lightning though, is there any houses you want to keep out of harms way? I plan on hitting a lot of houses, just to get people up and moving."

Tommy thinks for a minute. "Uh, maybe hit close to Ranboo's house- he's the black and white hybrid, he's always been pretty nice to me- and Sam and Puffy and BadBoyHalo. Sam put Dream in prison a while ago, and Puffy and BBH gave me some gifts the night before you picked me up. So, they're clear from property damage, but I still want to see them. Defintely break Dream out, I want to yell at him though. Wait, maybe I can break him out, like teleport him away from the prison and show off my new powers and shit- anyway, maybe save Niki as well, she was always nice."

Clara nods and begins to locate the small world that she pulled Tommy from so many years ago. "Goodness!" She laughs. "It's been a while since you looked down at this one, isn't it?"

"Yeah, haven't had much time to think shit about those old bitches." Tommy begins to search with her, quickly locating the small SMP, being recently cleared of the red bloodvines that had plagued it for a while.

While they plan, they laugh, and Clara is reminded of how far the young godling had been when she whisked him away. His old SMP hadn't deserved him, not even for a second.

~

Tommy and Clara were watching from the clouds as the little people in the SMP ran around panicked about the storm that was destroying a lot of their houses. Tommy watched with glee and satisfaction as the majority of the SMP (save for Dream, of course) gathered in the newly rebuilt community house to discuss the looming problem.

"Dream has to be behind this, Sam!" Fundy growled out. "He's the only one that has this kind of power!"

"You ready?" Clara asked Tommy, after waiting for him to be perfectly positioned under one of the next lightning bolts, aimed at one of the doorways to the community house. Tommy nodded and lit the tips of his wings, prepared for the force of the bolt to push him back down to the earth.

The lightning hit, and Tommy found himself being thrown down and pushed to the ground.

The first thing he noticed was that the bolt left little sparks over his body and his wings were a little more lit up than usual.

The second thing he noticed was that everyone in the community house was looking at him.

He stood up and, with a great amount of false confidence, strode into the room. Tubbo was staring slack-jawed, as were most people in the building. Phil's face was incredibly pale, to the point that Tommy actually began to worry about the man's health. Ranboo looked at him wide-eyed, but then Tommy saw recognition flash and a smile began to creep onto his face.

But the person that Tommy had his eyes on the most was the no-longer transparent form of his elder brother, well and alive again.

"What's up, bitches?" Tommy grinned, and suddenly the room was alive with shouts and yelling and holy Prime, Tommy probably should have prepared more for this reaction but he hadn't even known Wilbur was alive but oh, Phil's yelling about how Tommy left him and-

"Tommy, how could you? You've been off to who knows where? Where the fuck have you been? How could you leave us?" Phil's void-black wings ruffled, and Tommy didn't even think before responding,

"I've been off healing, bitch! You know, from all the trauma you adults forced on me? And the gaslighting from Dream? The manipulation? It took me years to get over that shit, and the god's world-time runs slow! I spent a whole fucking year trying to understand that what you bitches put me through was fucking wrong, and I was not alright! I left you all here because you left me when I was at my fucking WORST! YOU LET A SIXTEEN YEAR-OLD FIGHT IN FUCKING WARS AND GET EXILED! YOU EXPECTED ME TO TAKE THAT SHIT LIKE A FUCKING ADULT? FUCK NO!" Tommy's wings flared out and he could feel the heat radiating off of it, his flames responding to his anger.

"Thomas Minecraft-Innit, I am your father, how dare you-"

"Oh, you're my father now? Now, after you abandoned me, neglected me, left me in the dust? You cared more about your fucking war buddy than your own two sons! Wilbur was more of a father than you were, and then you fucking killed him!"

"Tommy-" Tubbo tried to interject.

"AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON YOU TUBBO! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID? YOU LEFT ME AS WELL, YOU LEFT ME WITH FUCKING DREAM! YOU EXILED ME, AND FOR FUCKING WHAT? A SAD POSITION IN A COUNTRY THAT YOU LET DREAM PUPPETEER ANYWAY! WE FOUGHT THAT WAR TO GET AWAY FROM DREAM, AND THEN YOU FUCKING LET HIM RIGHT BACK IN!" Tommy raged, turing on his ex-best friend. "Oh, speaking of-" He snapped his fingers and then Dream was in the room with them, wearing an orange jumpsuit and looking around wildly.

The room let out a great outburst, which, to be fair, was expected.

But then Dream took one look at Tommy and decided that it was a-fucking-okay to try and re-manipulate Tommy again. As if he didn't notice that Tommy was much older, much more healed and much more powerful than before. (Or that could just be him. Clara did tell him that gods- and even godlings- could change their age and appearance, and sometimes it was involuntary and depended on emotions and metal stability. Tommy did actually feel much younger. Maybe it was from being in this place, this world, and being in front of the person that hurt him most. That would make sense.)

"Tommy!" Dream cried with unusual glee. "You're here to help me, aren't you? You finally came to your senses about your best friend, right?" Tommy only raised an eyebrow in response, not giving him an answer. "What, not going to give an answer to your only friend? Tommy, I stayed with you, I kept you company when no one else did, remember?" Prime, how long did Dream think he had been in that prison for?

Tommy only shrugged and then pulled out a sword and dashed up to Dream, keeping the blade on Dream's throat. "You mother fucker. You are the biggest bitch boy I've ever, and I mean ever, had the pleasure of knowing, bitch boy. You are the absolute worst thing to ever happen to me, you know that? You killed me twice, and for what? Gratification of knowing you killed a teenager? And then you tried to gaslight me, manipulate me into doing your sick shit for you? That's the most fucked up thing I've ever known, Dream. I'm going to enjoy taking this life from you." And then he swung, embedding the blade into the wall behind where Dream's body had once been.

TommyInnit killed Dream with [A Final Blow]

Dream made the achievement [Banned?]

"Tommy what-" Tommy turned to look at Technoblade, who was looking blankly at his chatlog.

"Oh, don't worry too much about him. He'll just be stuck for a few days in the ban-void, and then he'll come back on his own." A great number of people paled, knowing the ban void, when you were still on a world, meant that you were subjected to great amounts of agony as your body tore itself apart and tried to pull its code back together. And Tommy had just taken one of Dream's lives, too!

"Tommy, what happened to you?" Phil asked, horrified.

"I grew up," Tommy said with a smile. "And now I have the rest of time to spend continuing to grow and live. Becuase now, Tommy Innit never dies."

Techno rushed at him suddenly, axe swinging. It caught the edge of Tomm'y neck, and Tommy took the chance to grab Techno by the scruff on his, and lift him up, also while feeling his body grow older. Several gasps were heard around the room at the sudden change. "What were you trying to do there, Technoblade? You can't kill a god." And then he let Techno drop to the ground, before touching the part of his neck Techno had sliced.

His hand drew away with golden ichor.

[ficklewish]

All of You

A Leviathan x Reader fic

Genre: Fluff, slight angst

Wordcount: 1.2k

Warnings: none.

.・゜゜・✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟ��･*.・✫・゜・。.｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

You knew that falling for a hardcore otaku demon would be a bad idea, and yet, your heart didn't listen. Leviathan was someone you never expected to come into your life and invade your thoughts every waking moment of the day, sometimes even in your dreams. No matter how hard you tried to make your brain become occupied with something else-work, food, sleep, anything else-it always went back to him. Even when being in the human realm, you would wonder if he was doing alright, if he was eating and sleeping properly.

To everyone else, they thought Leviathan was ugly or gross, seeing as he would sometimes go weeks without bathing. To you, he was adorable. Whenever you'd force him to shower and he'd whine about possibly missing the newest anime premiere, you'd think he looked so cute, staring at you with those sad eyes of his, trying to convince you to let him stay and watch. Whenever Leviathan would go on a spree of playing games and not leave his chair for anything, you always brought him snacks and some water, telling him to take a break every now and then to hydrate and eat.

Even with how insecure and tsundere like he was, you fell for him, because to you, he was perfect. However, that didn't mean you told him right away. You'd always give some stupid excuse to not confess, when in reality you were scared beyond words. In your mind, confessing to Leviathan was the same as going into a boss fight severely underleveled. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't get yourself together and just….say it. Which is where you are now. Planning out how you were going to confess to Leviathan.

"Hmm….maybe through Minecraft- no that's not gonna work too well….". You had been at it again, trying to plan out how you were going to confess to Levi without making a fool of yourself. Pacing back and forth in your room, plotting some stupid plan. Being so caught up in your head, the notification ring from your D.D.D scared you, and you went to see what or who it was, secretly hoping it was Leviathan asking to hang out. Your silent hopes were crushed when you saw it was Satan asking you to head to his room. Heading over, you pass Mammon and Asmodeus in the hall, both rambling about money or skin care or something. Once at Satan's room, you ask what he needed you for.

"I'm tired of seeing you and Levi go back and forth with each other." You blinked. "What do you mean?" Satan puts his book down and looks at you. "I mean the fact that you both have feelings for each other, it's pretty obvious." Feeling heat rising up your neck, you immediately start denying your feelings towards Levi. However, Satan wasn't having any of it. "Listen, just go confess to him. The worst that could happen is that he'll faint from being too flustered." You couldn't go against what he was saying, as you knew it was true. And yet, the fear that ran through your body was unstoppable. As if reading your mind, Satan puts a hand on your shoulder. "I promise you, nothing will go wrong. But if he does pass out, you owe me a book of my choice." You smacked his head.

It had been an hour since then, and you had been standing in front of Leviathan's door for a good minute trying to calm yourself down. You could hear the noise coming from his computer and the rapid clicks of his mouse, most likely playing a game. Smacking your cheeks a few times, you sucked it up and knocked on his door. "Levi…?" No answer. Maybe he had his headphones on? You tried again, louder this time, and it sounded like he finally noticed as you heard a small crash of something falling onto the floor. "W-who is it?!" You noticed how startled his voice sounded. "It's just me…" The door immediately swings open, and you almost stumble from the fright it gave you. Looking up at Leviathan with wide eyes, he stares back down at you with red cheeks. "What're you doing here? It's almost 11 pm." Had it really been that late? "Oh, I'm sorry, should I go then? I didn't check the time and thought it was earli-'' You couldn't finish your sentence as he had dragged you into his room and shut the door, effectively startling you once again. "No, no, don't go! B-but don't take this the wrong way!" How cute. You noted that his game was paused, and that what fell onto the floor was a controller of his. Most of the lights were off, the only light in the room coming from the massive fish tank, covering everything in a blue glow. "Did something happen? Why are you here?" Remembering your reasoning, you feel the nervousness and heat running through your body again. This was it. Whatever happens, happens. "I actually need to tell you something." Standing in front of him, you look into his eyes for the first time. Under the blue lighting, Leviathan looked ethereal, almost as if he never fell from heaven. The blue lighting fit him perfectly, and all you could do was admire him. You completely forgot about everything, and Leviathan was growing restless and flustered with your staring. Covering his face with his hand, he looks away.

"Leviathan, I love you." A moment of silence passed before you realized what just transpired. Eyes widening in shock, you smack your hand over your mouth. You did it. You finally confessed. You refused to look at him, scared at what expression he was making. "Why?" All emotions left you, and you looked at him in disbelief. "I'm a yucky otaku, I don't shower for weeks at times. Why me? I'm not worth it." You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Leviathan thought he wasn't worthy of love. Bullshit. Marching right up to him, you grab his face between your hands and force him to look into your eyes. "Levi, you're absolutely worth it, no matter what you think. You're such an amazing demon, you care about your brothers, you just have your own way of doing it. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. It's okay to not shower for a while, as long as you're happy and comfortable, that's all that matters. I fell for you, all of you." You smiled at him, and he couldn't take it anymore. Levi crushed you in a hug, trembling slightly, trying to hide his crying face in the crook of your neck. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, using one hand to pet his hair to comfort him. Moving you both to his bathtub bed, you try your best to lay down with him, although it took a while to get comfortable in such a small space as Levi was huge. You didn't know how long it was until he calmed down, but you didn't mind. He moves his head from your neck and looks up at you, eyes bloodshot and puffy. You smile at him, and kiss his forehead, pulling him closer to you. "Go to sleep, it's late." He nods, nuzzling his face to your neck again. Before he drifts off, he gives his answer. "I love you too…" Your smile grows wider, and soon, you follow after him.

--------

Bonus:

"He didn't faint." You look at Satan with a smug look, and he sighs. "Well, that's fine." Then, he smirks. "So, about that mark on your neck…" You smack him. He laughs.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆-: ✧ :-゜・．.・。.・゜✭・✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟ

a/n: sorry for such a long wait on a new fic 😭 I had severe writers block for a while, hope this makes up for it!

[chrysalizzm]

Do you have fic recs or head canons? please ramble for paragraphs im bored and looking for something to read.

oh boy do i have some fic recs for you (and everyone who sees this), my friend! this one is quite long because there are a lot of fics i like and this isn’t all of them, so if you’d like more, you can check out my bookmarks page ^^

The Run and Go by Numanum 

“That’s not fair,” Bad protests. Dream raises an eyebrow at him and jerks his tied hands in emphasis, clearly saying that none of this is fair.

“Look, you keep running! Who runs if they’re not guilty?” Bad challenges, staring him down with obvious distrust from the generous distance of exactly five feet. It’s fair, as much as Dream hates to admit it; it’s not like he’s been the most honest hostage in the past, with all of his escaping and running and framing himself for his own murder, apparently.

“Only the good die young, and only the guilty run,” Technoblade chimes in, holding his own potato and sitting in the snow like it’s not cold at all.

A hot flash of irritation burns through him.

“Someone being chased?” he counters sarcastically, jerking his tied wrists up again to wave them in front of the group. Sapnap laughs so hard that he almost chokes on his potato, but it dies off when Dream gives him an icy stare.

Or: Dream is having a hard time, and the hunter just want to adopt him like a stray puppy that bites you at every opportunity.

multi-chapter, ongoing.

a manhunt with plot-style fic! exquisitely written, visceral in the emotions it evokes. it’s the kind of fic that makes me feel all shaky with anticipation, the kind that i have a physical reaction to; you can’t put it down.

pain. all-consuming pain. this one feels bad, man

and as he fell (you walked away) by Teahound

Once upon a time, there were three hunters.

They were good at what they did. If you wanted something-- or better yet, someone-- found, discovered, or destroyed, they were the people you asked. They didn’t have much to their name, besides a formidable reputation, but they were a team, and that was enough for them.

Once upon a time, there was a king in the forest.

He wore a mask, but it didn’t matter. That deep in the forest, in a hidden fortress, buried behind leaves and monsters and broken stone, no one could see his face anyway. He had been there a very long time, and he was alone.

Being a king can be a very lonely thing. So one day, the king left the fortress.

A Minecraft manhunt AU, with a fantasy twist. Dream is a cryptid, and Hunters are idiots.

multi-chapter (11), complete.

tea’s fic!! a manhunt-with-plot fic, featuring a forest spirit dream and circumstantial hunters and friendships that feel both intensely real and desperately melancholy because they can’t last.

or can they?

The Real World by Cinammonzoa and Fire_Fly464

"Ten, paces fire!"

Time stopped.

Tommy’s entire body went numb. He tried to open his mouth to say something, but his body was determined to keep him silent. His vision went dark, and he could no longer feel his headphones over his ears. The mouse in his hand. The slight breeze of his ceiling fan. For a few seconds, he couldn’t feel anything.

His senses came back to him all at once. The first thing Tommy noticed was the weight in his right hand -- a bow. His nostrils stung with the lingering scent of gunpowder. In front of him was a masked figure. Their right arm was bent, their elbow by their face. In their left hand was a bow, aiming directly at--

~~~

Aka Dream and Tommy get transported into the SMP world and have no idea what the fuck is happening

multi-chapter (23), complete

you’ve probably seen this one if you haunt the video blogging rpf/minecraft tags of ao3 often! an irl!dream and tommy replace their smp counterparts type of beat, very upbeat in dynamic and fun to keep pace with, great read.

staying alive (though the city is dead) by Alice_Not_In_Wonderland

"Damned if you do, damned if you don't," Schlatt smirks, his words lilting, almost song-like. His eyes seem to glow brighter. "Tell me, Dream, when did you realize that you could talk and talk and talk and no one would ever believe you?"

---

or: if dream's damned to be a villain in every story he's in, then he's going to show them exactly how much of one he can be

one-shot, complete.

the gratuitous greek mythology references are truly everything and this fic is such a good dissection of dream and schlatt’s motivations and how their goals intersect, and dream’s likening to cassandra really hits different 

Green & Gold by HognoseSnake

George’s legs ached.

His lungs felt tight and too small.

His breath was loud in his ears.

His pack bounced uncomfortably on his shoulders.

George, homeless and adrift, is an outlaw of the Mad King's reign. He'd spent the last two months being hunted across the wilderness at the fringe of society by a ruthless killer in a smiling mask and bright green coat. This, he understood.

What he didn't understand is why such a ruthless killer kept letting him go.

multi-chapter (8), complete. sequel ongoing.

a breathtaking pseudo-manhunt-with-plot fic, with george and dream running from a kingdom that wants them dead for perceived transgressions. this shit hurted, and the sequel hurts even worse ;-; snake please i beg

We’re Only Young series by ImperialKatwala

It's easy to forget amid the chaos and bloodshed how similar - and how young - Dream and Technoblade really are.

collection of both one-shots and ongoing multi-chapter fics.

((bangs on table)) please read this series it is dream and techno friendship fics that alternate between lighthearted and heartwrenchingly comforting and imperialkatwala’s characterisation of them and their respective groups of family and friends is so frickin’ good i read this series when i’m not having a good day and it never fails to make me crack a smile

kept promises and old ruins and names carved into stone by verecundiam

"Would you... would you want to stay here?" Bad wrings his hands, looking away. "Like, like actually stay? I know it's not, ah, not exactly comfortable, or all that homey, but I don't want you two to get hurt out there on your own, and I just... I think maybe you could stay? If you want?"

"That sounds nice," Sapnap says, because it does.

(Or: How four kids managed to build a family, against all odds.)

one-shot, complete.

muffinteers found family that makes me want to go to the smp writers and beg it to be made canon. unbelievably soft yet excellent at parsing out the younger counterparts of the four and creating backgrounds that feasibly form them into the people they grow up to be.

in the age of icons by BananasofThorns

“Yeah, keep digging,” Tommy crows.

The pickaxe hesitates on the downswing. The air shifts; Dream’s aura bursts into visibility, brilliant green and jagged. Ozone hums on Techno’s tongue and Bad stutters in the middle of his sentence. Up on the wall, silhouetted by the sun, Dream stands frozen and furious.

L'manberg messes with something it shouldn't. Techno watches the repercussions and tries not to laugh.

one-shot, complete.

i love deity aus (figures, i wrote one myself akjdfh), and this one hits. there’s something exquisitely delicate about how dream and the repercussions his godhood both on himself and on the people who are exposed to him in that moment of unbridled rage.

that's how we keep going (we make the best of things) by lieyuu

[ i can’t decide if this is heaven or hell. the walls keep closing in and we’re running out of space, but you’re pretty cute ]

“So, do you want to build a flower shop, a cottage, or a coffee shop?” Puffy asks, smiling like just Niki’s presence is enough to light up her world.

Niki looks at her, thinks, I want to bend nature to my will and weave tapestries in your name, says, “I think I might like the flower shop best.”

one-shot, complete.

a niki/puffy fic that crushed me in its hands in just six hundred words.  the delicate love and wonder and beauty of this fic killed me softly and i welcomed it. it’s girls in love rendered by lieyuu’s masterful hand, what more could you want

i need it to be known that as i was typing up my thoughts midnight love by girl in red started playing from my playlist if that’s not a shining endorsement i don’t know what is

did i ruin the moment? by itisjosh

Ranboo drags himself through the snow, burn wounds going up and down his body. His suit is crumpled, half of it discarded as he crawls along the ground. His eyes are firmly pressed shut, and he refuses to open them, just in case he sees him, Dream, again. Ranboo sobs as the snow melts on his skin, the water scalding him as it trickles down his arms and chest.

one-shot, complete.

it’s character death, i do need to put it out there because it felt like i was punched in the stomach at the end even though i knew. josh knows exactly how to drag his readers kicking and screaming into angst hell, as always - a ranboo is rescued by phil fic wherein ranboo ends up convincing himself that the only reason for his presence in the nearly-empty anarchist commune is because phil sees him as a placeholder for his sons ;-; pain

Frame The Halves, And Call Them Brothers by MusicallyActive

"Let's go!" Quackity roared. "Let's fucking go!"

The anvil dropped, and Techno reached for his totem of undying. This was going to hurt like a bitch.

Phil screamed something, and instantly a crushing force struck Technoblade's skull. It rattled him to the core, doused his vision in red, and then all he knew was black.

He gasped awake moments later to the sound of his communicator pinging softly at his bedside table, and when Technoblade opened his eyes, New L'manburg was nowhere in sight.

one-shot, complete.

a techno timeloop fic that shows off the unintentional cruelty of the children who run l’manberg and techno’s own inability to allow the people he tries so hard not to love to come to harm. techno’s rendered in painstaking detail; this one was cathartic in the best way.

on i go (move to move) by Aenqa

If you ask someone whether they’ve ever experienced real, severe physical pain, you’ll learn a lot from their response.

Techno knows what it means to be in pain. He’s accepted it as a necessary consequence of keeping his family safe. But when the pain he's experiencing starts to become too much to bear alone, it takes his family to show him what it might mean to feel better.

one-shot, complete.

chronic pain fic featuring sbi!! it’s really good - aenqa wrote chronic pain well, and incorporated respawn mechanics into it well, and the dynamic between sbi is impeccable.

Yellow and Blue and- by nic_takes_Ls (nic_L)

It’s another gorgeous day in New L’Manberg. Tubbo’s stilted streets of deep toned spruce and honey-touched oaks are warm under his feet from the sun, and a sign and a small banner proclaim the country’s name in front of his face. Wilbur is so happy to let the ‘L’ roll of his tongue as he says it, ‘Manberg’ was harsh and too guttural, but the two extra syllables make it something that could fit on a melody, a four-note beat he could set the pace of his unbeating heart to.

The citizens of New L’Manberg track him with cautious eyes at first, until Tubbo changes his eyes to slightly sad ones, listening along to Wilbur’s rambles, warming up to the truly soot-grey sight of his face and sunshine yellow of his ever-present sweater. The rest of the population soon follow, laughing at Wilbur’s strange innocence and telling him what he’s done with only a little bit of spite in a pitying mask and fixing their mouths in a line when he suddenly forgets what he’s doing or stares into space or laughs at nothing.

But all the people who get sad when Wilbur starts laughing after shock-still silence are dumb.

Because Wilbur’s not laughing at nothing.

one-shot, complete.

a ghostbur fic from quite early on! it includes references to wilbur and schlatt’s older videos/smp experiences and has a super interesting take on the nature of wilbur’s amnesia i enjoyed this fic a lot ^^

east of eden series by subwaywalls

Philza protects his home.

(An angel with a singing blade of fire guards the gates to paradise.)

two one-shots, one ongoing multi-chapter fic.

READ IT READ IT READ IT. the eoe series is exquisite in both content and presentation, centering around sbi and the powers they all respectively have but also bringing in people like grian and dream, and subwaywalls is a master of packaging her words ever so delicately to create an experience that is ethereal.

[blanc-et-n0ir]

MCYT Multi-chapter Fics

Hey, hey, this time it’s the multichapters :D Meaning, three chapters and above. Again, my AO3 over here

COMPLETED

Bring Me Down With You (11,145 Words) (4 Chapters)

Tags:

Dream, TommyInnit, Sapnap, Wilbur Soot, Fundy, BadBoyHalo, Punz, Tubbo, Eret, GeorgeNotFound

No Romantic Relationships, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit, Dream & Sapnap, Dream & TommyInnit, Dream & GeorgeNotFound

Whump, Poisoning, Dueling, Bows and Arrows, L’manberg War, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Family, Compromise, Sick Fic, Sick Character, Wounds, Potions, Healing, Caves, Injury

Summary:

The terms of the deal were simple. They’d both be at their weakest, no armor and no anything and they have to shoot one shot. A single arrow. Whoever is hit, will have to resign and give the win to whoever is left standing. Those were the terms.  So when did they agree to drink poison?

--------------------

Set during the Dream SMP war.

All I Want For Chistmas Is... FLUFF (46,641 Words) (24 Chapters)

Tags:

Skeppy, Dream, BadBoyHalo, GeorgeNotFound, Sapnap, Wilbur Soot, Technoblade, Philza Minecraft, Tubbo, TommyInnit, Eret, Niki, AweSamDude, Punz, Ponk, Purpled, Fundy, Quackity, Schlatt, Karl Jacobs, Ant Frost, Velvet

Skeppy & BadBoyHalo, Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap & Ant Frost & BadBoyHalo, Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Philza, Dream & TommyInnit, Dream & Tubbo, Dream & Purpled, Dream & Technoblade, Dream & Philza, Eret & Niki & Tubbo, Ant/Velvet, Dream & Punz

Christmas Prompts, Fluff, Family Dynamics, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Family Bonding, Friendship, Rivals, Frenemies, Snowball Fight, Snow Day, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Boys Kissing, Secret Santa, Cookies

Summary:

Fluffy One shots about our MInecraft Streamers in Dream SMP. Featuring different AUs whether it's IRL or MC but IRL and more! Mostly platonic unless stated otherwise!! (but don't expect much I prefer platonic anyways)

Lots of cuddling, shenanigans, pranks and laughter!! Maybe a little hurt for the comfort to feel so much better!!

The Whispers in the Dark (53, 160 Words) (20 Chapters)

Tags:

Dream, Technoblade, Wilbur Soot, TommyInnit, Tubbo, Schlatt, Philza Minecraft, Eret, Sapnap, GeorgeNotFound, Quackity, Niki, Punz, Fundy, Ponk, AweSamDude, Skeppy, BadBoyHalo, Ant Frost, Ranboo, Captain Puffy, Karl Jacobs

No Romantic Relationships, Dream & Technoblade & Wilbur Soot, Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & Philza & TommyInnit, Dream & Sapnap & GeorgeNotFound, Sapnap & Wilbur, Dream & Ranboo, Ranboo & Philza, Dream & Captain Puffy

Family Dynamics, Enemies to Friends, Hybrids AU, Pogtopia Arc, Villain Wilbur, Chaotic Dream, Bad Ending, Good Ending, Government, Uneasy Alliance, Hunting, Discrimination, Friends to Enemies, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Betrayal, Big Brother Technoblade, Switching Sides, Platonic Cuddling, Carrying, Panic Attacks, Found Family, Execution, Violence, Graphic Description, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Decapitation, Revolution

Summary:

They say that when you are a hybrid of a mob, you take one of two things. Their powers or their desires. Their powers, as simple as it is. A Blaze hybrid would be able to conjure flames and stay inflammable. An Enderman hybrid would be able to teleport and are harmed by water. Their desires, not as simple. A Creeper hybrid would desire to see things explode. A Wolf hybrid would desire the thrill of a hunt.  

They say that the dangerous ones were always those who got the desire- the shortest end of the stick.   

-------------------------------   Let me give Wilbur the satisfying ending he deserves please. We all wanted Manberg to b l o w and I'm going to give it to you. No Angst, promise. (I lied, there's angst)

Angst for the Angst God (19,904 Words) (14 Chapters)

Tags:

Dream, Technoblade, Philza Minecraft, Ranboo, Wilbur Soot, GeorgeNotFound, Sapnap, TommyInnit, Tubbo, Captain Puffy, Quackity, DreamXD, Karl Jacobs

NO romantic Relationships, Dream & Technoblade, Technoblade & Philza, Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap, Dream & TommyInnit, Dream & Captain Puffy

Angst, Character Death, Deity Dream, Fluff and Angst, Betrayal, Assisted Suicide, Mercy Killing, Murder, Suicide, Dream and Techno Friendship, One Shot Collection, Time Travel, Time Loop, Insanity, Time Travelling Karl Jacobs, Prison Break, Manhunt, Immortal Technoblade, Immortal Dream, Emotional Manipulation, Exile, Abduction, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat

Summary:

A bunch of oneshots about AUs that I've written in a server that is filled with angst or fluff. Whichever strikes the mood. Hope you enjoy your stay here ;)

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(preview)

He watched as the last obstacle in his path fell. Dream smiled, his eyes glinting with malice and power, “You should have kept an eye on your Patroclus, Achilles.”

He hummed and turned around. L’manberg was no doubt wiped out. Ranboo was firmly in his grasp. All he had to do was take care of that damned egg, Badlands and anyone who stood in his way. He chuckled.

It was almost too easy.   

ON GOING

Let’s Play A Game Called MAFIA (14,399 Words) (5/6 Chapters)

Tags:

Dream, Technoblade, GeorgeNotFound, Sapnap, BadBoyHalo, Skeppy, Wilbur Soot, MegaPVP, Illumina, F1NN5STER

Technoblade & Wilbur Soot, Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap, Dream/GeorgeNotFound

Mafia Game, Mafia AU, Character Death, Suspense, Detective AU

Summary:

A masked man leaves the apartment complex and walks off under the dim lighting of the street lights. It wasn’t long before he reached his car and opened the driver’s seat. He pushed his keys in and turned it, starting the car. He hummed to himself as he took off his mask, placing it on the car seat beside him. He waits inside his started car as he dials a phone number.

“It’s done.”

In a sick twist of fate, Skeppy dies so Sapnap and Bad have to find the murderer before they kill more people. They meet and drag more people into the case but as the days dwindle by, more deaths and incidents come alive.

Will they find the real murderer or end up living on the edge to their very end?

(Based off of the Party Game called Mafia)

Who Would Want To Be King? (10,932 Words) (5/? Chapters)

Tags:

Dream, Technoblade, Wilbur Soot, TommyInnit, Tubbo, GeorgeNotFound, Philza Minecraft, Schlatt, BadBoyHalo, Quackity, Karl Jacobs, Sapnap

NO Romantic Relationships, Dream & Technoblade, TommyInnit & Tubbo, Technoblade & TommyInnit & Wilbur Soot & Philza, Dream & Wilbur Soot

Prince and the Pauper AU, Frenemies, Rivals, Family Fluff, Family Dynamics, Platonic Relationships, Prince Technoblade, Farmer Dream, Fluff and Humor, Attempted Kidnapping, Kidnapping, King Philza

Summary:

In a kingdom not so far away, lived two men. These two lived completely different lives, with one standing at the very top since birth while the other was stuck at rock bottom. Two very different boys with different experiences but they both share one similarity. They both wish to do something different. To live different lives. To get out of their bubble and grow in their own way. In this little kingdom, two men live to see another view of the world they already see.

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Barbie Prince and the Pauper AU but everything is platonic and it's all about Dream and Techno

Reaching For Something That Isn’t There (3,676 Words) (2/3 Chapters)

Tags:

Dream, TommyInnit, Technoblade

NO Romantic Relationships

Character Study, References to Ancient Greek Mythology, Parallels, Pain, Suicidal Thoughts, Betrayal, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Character Death, Theseus! Tommy, Icasrus! Dream, Achilles! Technoblade, Dream centric, Technoblade centric, TommyInnit centric, Anger, Violence, Imprisonment

Summary:

History is forever doomed to repeat itself.

People ask what Theseus gained by playing the hero, what Icarus saw in the sun, what Achilles truly wanted. They ask these questions and still don't see an answer.

Why was the sun so charming enough for young Icarus to forget his father's words? Why was Theseus so confident enough that he would be welcomed home for his achievement? Why was Achilles considered a bad example?

Three tales all ending with caution and fear. Three tales to remind everyone of their humanity. Three tales to ensure no one would do the same. And what did they do?

History is forever doomed to repeat itself.

Guide Me Through Hell and Back (34,714 Words) (15/? Chapters)

Tags:

Dream, technoblade, Philza Minecraft, TommyInnit, Tubbo, Drista, Punz, Wilbur Soot, GeorgeNotFound, Sapnap, Ranboo, DreamXD

No Romantic Relationships, Dream & Philza, Dream & Technoblade, Drista & TommyInnit & Tubbo, Dream & Punz, Dream & DreamXD,

Blind Character, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fear, Flying, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Family Dynamics, Self Confidence Issues, Trust, Platonic Cuddling, Hybrid AU, Platonic Relationships, Cuddling, Chaos, Explosions, Angst, Broken Families, Trust Issues, Protective Technoblade, Protective Phil, Blind Dream, Panic Attacks, Torture, Kidnapping, Physical Therapy, Black Markets, Forced Healing, Sad Dream, Protective Dream, Soft Dream, Prison, Pandora’s Vault

Summary:

 "I gain immeasurable amounts of stress just looking at you, Dream." 

-SUN TZU

Dream is blind but he's a bat hyrbid with good hearing. Technoblade finds out and he's concerned for his friend. He stays with him and keeps him company, he also ensures Dream doesn't go too far and hurts himself with his stupid ideas. So what if Phil adopts him along the way and Drista causes chaos with Tommy and Tubbo? Technoblade will protect his friend to the ends of the Earth, screw whoever looked at him weird if he gets all fussy.

(Basically just Technoblade and Dream being best friends fluff.)

The Lonely Guardian (59,379 Words) (14/? Chapters)

Tags:

Dream, Technoblade, TommyInnit, Schlatt, GeorgeNotFound, Sapnap, Wilbur Soot, Quackity, Ranboo, DreamXD, Drista, Philza Minecraft

No Romantic Relationships, Dream & Everyone, Dream & Technoblade, Dream & Tubbo, Dream & TommyInnit, Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap, Dream & Quackity, Dream & Schlatt, Dream & Philza, Dream & Ranboo

Cottagecore AU, Soft Dream, Healing, Emotional Manipulation, Realization, Self-Exile, Self-Reflection, Domestic Fluff, Friendship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exile, Protective Dream, Dreamons, Potions, Minor Injuries, Serious Injuries, Betrayal, Friends to Enemies, Enemies to Friends, Long Haired Dream, Dream centric, Anarchist Technoblade, Bittersweet Ending, Sibling Tension, Arguments, Dad Schlatt, Sick fic, Sick Character, Good Friend Dream, Character Death

Summary:

Dream didn't know what came over him, he wanted some time to think. Some time turned to days and thinking turned to building a nice home. Days turned to weeks and the home is bigger and cozier now.

Weeks turned to years and it's been a while since Dream has seen his friends. Still, they're definitely living a more peaceful life now that he's gone, right?

(Or, Dream left and started a cottagecore after the L'manberg Revolution and a Dreamon took his spot and the plot continues as it does in canon. Except, we have a Dream who likes to stay in his cottage and help his injured friends without telling them who he is, exactly)

Dreaming Of Nightmares, Dee? (9,268 Words) (2/? Chapters)

Tags:

Dream, Technoblade, Philza Minecraft, DreamXD, Karl Jacobs, GeorgeNotFound, Sapnap, Foolish_Gamers, TommyInnit, Tubbo, Ranboo

No Romantic Relationships, Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap, Dream & Technoblade & Philza, Dream & Ranboo, Dream & Foolish, Dream & Karl Jacobs, Dream & DreamXD, Technoblade & Philza, Philza/Kristin

Deity Dream, Dreamon, Deity Karl Jacobs, Time Traveling Karl Jacobs, Fix-It Fic, Sad Dream, Fluff, Family Dynamics, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Dream, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gods and Goddesses, Mins Manipulation, Dream centric, Comfort, Big Brother Dream

Summary:

When three gods have to deal with a world full of mortals, some things get complicated along the way. Well, Dream was hoping for the best when he left the server to his twin, Nightmare's, and older brother, Dee's, hands.

He got more than he bargained for and mortals tend to be fragile. Prime, he needs a break.

(Or, Dream is the god of luck, Nightmare is the god of chaos and Dee is the god of destiny and the three of them try and fix the SMP out of the goodness of their heart /s)

[hydrangeaho3]

Pt 2 of I’m supposed to be your brother

Summary: Wilbur gets mad at Tommy and somehow Phil’s the one left to deal with the aftermath

a/n: hey everyone!! Here’s part 2. This is the last part of the story. 

It’s overwhelming, the silence that surrounds Tommy, on one hand, it’s too loud and on the other, it's not loud enough.

How could have he been so stupid?

He’d told himself over and over again.

They don’t want you around, they don’t find you funny, they just think you’re annoying. The minute you become more annoying than how many views you bring, that's the minute they’ll leave you.

And today it had happened. Wilbur was finally sick of him.

What if that was what everyone thought of him? What if they all just secretly hated him and Wilbur was the only one who had bothered to say it to his face?

He slowly pushed himself out of his chair, shutting down his PC, and closing discord for the night. He crawled into bed just after turning the lights off. He tried to get his mind to shut off after all this was what he had been expecting. Ever since he had been invited to join SMPEarth and had become friends with bigger streamers, he had been dreading this moment.

The moment where he found himself alone and lost in the darkness. Abandoned by all the people he had considered family.

He reaches across to his desk to grab his phone and accidentally brushes his hand against his face. It came away wet.

oh, OH, those were tears. He was crying.

After hours and hours of staring at his ceiling, Tommy finally manages to fall asleep. But before his mind can provide him some solace from the shit day he’s just had, a final thought whispers through his mind.

Why would he say that? He told me that we were brothers.

-----

Tommy wakes up feeling sore, his entire body aching. He rubs his eyes and wonders slightly at the puffiness underneath his eyes before remembering the events of last night.

Oh right, Wilbur had yelled at him last night, well yelled was a nice way to say it. Wil had basically crushed his soul last night.

He sighs before grabbing his phone. The moment he turns the screen on and waits a second for the brightness to adjust, he’s bombarded by notifications. Half of them are from Wilbur. They range from several missed calls to desperate texts that beg him to pick up the phone to finally texts that sound more resigned than anything else, telling Tommy that he’s sorry and to please call him as soon as he can. The rest are from Tubbo, asking him what’s wrong and finally, he has a few surprise texts from Philza and Technoblade telling him to message them if he needs something.

He was about to close his phone and go back to bed when it began to vibrate in his hands. It was Tubbo. He hesitated for just a second before accepting the call.

“Hey Tommy, how are you? I was worried when you didn’t answer any of my texts or calls last night,” Tubbo waited a few moments for Tommy to respond before continuing the conversation by himself.

“umm so Phil told me what happened last night, are you okay? You know Wilbur didn’t mean that right? He was just having a bad day,” Tubbo seems desperate, desperate to convince Tommy that what Wilbur had said wasn’t true. Silence fills the call once again before the sound on Tommy’s end becomes a little too quiet. Tubbo checks his phone and sees that Tommy’s muted himself.

On Tommy’s end, tears start sliding down his face once again. Tubbo’s being so kind but he hadn’t heard Wil last night. He had no way of knowing that Wil had meant exactly what he had said. He tries to gather himself enough so that his voice doesn’t come across as too different.

“um my mom’s calling me Tubbo, I have to go,” Tommy quickly stutters the words out knowing Tubbo will see through his bluff but he needs to get off this call. Tubbo doesn’t deserve this. Tubbo’s always so patient and nice to others, he doesn’t deserve to put up with Tommy’s mess. He manages to press the disconnect button before the tears swarm his vision.

Why is he like this? He just keeps messing up, now Tubbo’s worried when he doesn’t have to be.

He stays in bed for who knows how long before he feels his phone vibrating against his thigh. He turns to see the name Philza Minecraft flashes on the screen. Tommy really doesn’t want to talk to Phil, to the man he considers his second father. He’s going to decline it when his thumb misses because of the tears hindering his vision and ends up pressing accept.

shit shit shit, he doesn’t want to talk to Phil right now.

“Tommy? I know you're there Tommy, Tubbo just told me that he’s talked to you,” when Tommy doesn’t respond, Phil continues to talk, “you don’t have to say anything if you don’t wanna so just listen okay? Last night Wil called me crying and he told me that he had blown up at you for no reason, Tommy he was so upset with himself. He doesn’t mean anything he said okay? He was upset at something else and you just happened to be there. Now you don’t have to forgive him or anything but you have to understand that no one thinks you’re annoying. We love to stream with you, you make our lives so much better Tommy. You’re like family,” It’s those last words that break the dam holding back Tommy’s feelings. A stream of words flow from his mouth.

“Then why would he say that Phil? I know that I can be loud sometimes and- and I talk a lot but I don’t understand. I don’t understand,”

“I’m so sorry Tommy. There’s no excuse for what Wilbur said, all I can tell you is that he feels horrible about it,” At this point, there's nothing Phil wants more than to hug Tommy, to tell him that it would all be okay but he couldn't do that. The most he could do was whisper words of comfort across the phone in hopes that it would be enough.

They sit in silence as Tommy lets Phil’s words wash over him. Tommy’s still hurting; the pain still a heavy feeling in his gut threatening to take over his emotions once again. Somewhere in his mind, he knows that Phil and Tubbo are right but Wilbur’s words are still a force in his mind.

“Tommy, look, I know you probably don’t want to but I think it would make you feel better if you talked to Wilbur. I know you think that he’s probably going to yell at you some more but I can promise you that is not what’s going to happen. All he wants to do is say that he’s sorry.”

At this point, the pain has subsided inside of Tommy. Instead of a blistering heat ready to take over, his hurt has simmered down to a point where he feels comfortable enough to talk to Wilbur. He nods at Phil’s words before remembering that Phil can’t see him.

“umm ya, okay, I can talk to Wilbur,” Tommy’s voice scratches his throat as he speaks, rough from disuse.

“I’ll tell him okay? I’ll let him know to call you. You’re going to be okay,” Phil promises. There’s a slight sound as Phil disconnects from the call. Tommy rolls over onto his side, gathering his blankets around him, burrowing into his makeshift nest.

A couple minutes pass as Tommy lays on his bed sifting over what Phil had told him. He knows that Wilbur does love him and that what he had said had been spur of the moment words but regardless they still hurt. They had taken all of Tommy’s insecurities and fears and confirmed them.

But still, it’s hard to stay mad, he doesn’t like the fact that his chest feels all tight, that the words he so desperately wants to speak are stuck in his throat, and that the person he would have immediately sought out comfort from is now unavailable to him through no fault of his own.

It’s quiet again, the sounds of London traffic subdued through his bedroom window. This quiet he doesn’t mind, it’s nothing like the violent quiet that had settled over him and Wilbur the previous night.

This quiet reminds him of the afternoon he spent in Brighton, the first time he had met Wilbur, or the peaceful afternoons spent talking to Tubbo. The quiet settled something in his gut and Tommy was about to fall asleep before a discord notification dragged him out of his trance. It was Wilbur, Phil must have finally told him to call. Sighing softly to himself, he accepts the call.

“Hey Wil,” he murmurs softly, trying not to disturb the tranquility of his room.

“Toms,” Wilbur breathes, “you answered. I wasn’t sure you were going to. I mean Phil had told me to call and had told me that you would pick up but I still wasn’t sure. “ At this point, Wilbur’s rambling and the familiarity of it all brings an unwanted smile to Tommy’s face.

“Phil told me you were going to call to apologize,”

“Yes, yes I am. I am so sorry Toms. What I said to you was completely inexcusable, it was so out of line and the worst part was that I knew how much those words would hurt you, Tommy. I- i consider you family okay? You’re like the brother I’ve always wanted and I know that the last thing I deserve is your forgiveness and it’s fine if you don’t forgive me. You don’t have to do that. But I need to know that you understand that what I said wasn’t true. Okay, Tommy? You know I was wrong right?”

“I- i don’t know Wil. I mean that’s what everyone says right. Everyone thinks I’m annoying, it’s why Vikkstar quit MCC and why Schlatt kept calling me a kid when we first met. I know that you didn’t mean it but that doesn’t mean it's not true.”

Wilbur’s shocked silent as he processes the bomb that Tommy’s dropped on him. He had known that even though Tommy’s persona was loud and energetic it was different from what the kid was like in real life. But he had never known that Tommy’s self-esteem had dropped so low; that the self-loathing ran so deep.

“Tommy stop. No one and I mean no one thinks you’re annoying. Vikkstar didn’t quit MCC because of you, those two things are completely unrelated. Also, I can promise you that Schlatt doesn’t think you’re a child. Just like you play up your persona during streams, so does he. He thinks you’re a great kid with so so much potential,”

“Then why Wilbur, why would you say that?”

Oh, oh that's what's been bothering Tommy. Not the fact that some of his idols had made fun of him but rather the fact that it had been me making fun of him, throwing his insecurities back at him.

“Oh god, i- i am so sorry. Tommy, I never meant that, please you have to believe me,” even though Tommy can’t see him, he can hear the desperation in Wilbur’s words, “oh god, oh god what have I done?” At this point, Wilbur’s talking to himself.

“Wil?” Tommy questions.

“I’m sorry I really am. You don’t have to sit and listen to me anymore if you don’t want to. It’s just important, really important that you know that it isn’t true. It isn’t true at all.”

Wilbur’s about to click off before he hears a small noise coming from Tommy’s end.

“Wil, I’m not mad, not anymore. I just feel empty; so- so empty. I'm tired Wil,”

At these words Wilbur freezes, he knows what that feels like. He knows how the anger can take over before suddenly evaporating into nothing.

“It gets better Tommy, that emptiness cloying inside of you will slowly go away. I know that right now it hurts, and even more than that, you feel empty. But that's not permanent, I promise.” Wilbur’s voice soothes some of the fears aching in Tommy’s heart.

For the past hours, Tommy’s been told by multiple people how loved and appreciated he is. He’d forgiven Wilbur a long time ago but nonetheless, the fears still persisted. But slowly throughout this call, some of the jagged edges have been smoothed over.

“I’m tired Wil,”

“I know. Go back to sleep Tommy, I’ll be here when you wake up,”

“You promise Wil?”

“Of course Toms, I promise. That’s what family does,”

That’s all the reassurance Tommy needs before falling asleep.

The last words that Tommy manages to catch are enough to ensure a dreamless sleep.

“Goodnight Tommy. I love you”

[mor5-vincit-0mnia-blog]

Lost (4/17/19)

I know now he hates me, I mean I say all these mean things and it's only because I miss him. Really, I just want attention. Really, I just want him back. Really, I regret what I've done. Really, I messed up too hard. And I don't know what to do. I'm so lost. I miss him so much. I want to just hear his voice! I shouldn't have said anything! I shouldn't have told him I was getting hurt!

I shouldn't have gave up. I shouldn't have accepted that. Now all I have left is myself. I know everyone who knows thinks it's great I've separated myself. That I've taken care of something that has caused me so much stress. I just regret it so much.

How am I still attached? How am I sitting here crying over a man who has said he feels no emotion, who called me a child, who told me I broke him? How can I still be so sad? How is it right that I feel like I've done something so wrong?

I just want to hear him again. I want him to say I love you again. I want to play games with him again and be happy. Why can't I be happy? I want him to respond to me.

I want him back, and not the person he is now or claims to be.

It's funny. The day I said goodbye was the day that we used to celebrate. A year ago we would have celebrated the 16th, it would have been our anniversary. Now it's the day i broke my own heart, and I have continuously been hurting since then.

He was the only chance at a real relationship that I would have ever had. He was quite literally my first love. I thought I'd had people before him. But... everything just felt so absolutely electric with him. I shouldn't be reminiscing about the past, but I'm not a person who is known for living in the present.

I can only describe the emotion I'm feeling as heartbroken. Quite literally, my chest feels tightened and my throat hurts. My eyes are red and puffy and I keep trying not to just lay my head down and cry. I'm just so sad, I would even call it pathetic. And let's not call this self pity.

Writing this out is quite confusing. My head is all over the place. I'm so stuck between hating him and still loving him. I'm so stuck between feeling my emotions and just clinging on to the nearest activity to distract me. It's unfortunate though. Everything I do just reminds me of him.

When I play Overwatch I'm reminded of all the games we've played, the fun we had... Our little 1v1s he'd always win. I swear if I ever got the map Volskya again I might just burst into tears. When I play minecraft I'm reminded of our multiple worlds, our houses and adventures and jokes. When I use discord I see his name. I don't know how to explain the emotions I feel towards that anymore. I look at my bed, I'm reminded of how I started cuddling a giant bear each night, and I'm reminded even more of him by the bee plushie sitting on top of the bear. Everything blue reminds me of him as well. My walls, my favorite sweater, his favorite color. It all hurts me a little more.

I'm so absolutely stressed. I'm so absolutely sad. I need to do something about this, but I can't ask help from anyone. I can't explain this all in one go. They'd tell me it's good i stopped talking to him, that it's good we aren't together and probably never will be. I'm just so.... so absolutely lost.

-Manaka Setlac