#my existence as a queer person shouldn’t be called idiotic or what have you every time i view a post from alpine and go to the comments

[fiveredlights]

i was wondering why alpine didn’t make an outright statement condemning the abuse towards esteban after monaco but now it makes sense

[unforth]

What I think a lot of antis misunderstand about the message of someone like me - as someone outspokenly pro-ship and pro-kink is...

Everyone is within their right to want to protect themselves from content that makes them uncomfortable! If you're a minor, and you don't want adults to interact with you? That's a reasonable boundary to set! Boundaries, in general, are usually healthy, appropriate, and even necessary (not always, of course, but most of the time!). Heck, I am pro-basically-everything, but I still set boundaries, and there's lots of content I support the existence of without ever having any desire to interact with myself. Like. Ever. EVER. You do you but I'll be over here, having nothing to do with it, thanks. I'm anti-censorship, and pro-fiction-is-fiction, period.

So, when people like me roll our eyes and go, "God, why are all these people making ridiculous DNIs? Don't they know how pointless this is?" we're not saying "Don't set boundaries."

You absolutely should set boundaries, for your mental health, comfort, and protection.

We're saying - okay, well, maybe I shouldn't speak for everyone - but, I'm saying, "why are people who only feel comfortable within such narrow boundaries on a website like Tumblr?"

This is the fucking anti-boundaries website! It has reblogging functions you CAN'T TURN OFF. The instant your post leaves your blog? You lose all control over it! Even if you delete the original, you can NEVER get rid of those reblogs! So if you don't want certain types of people interacting with you? Short of hard-wiring that information into the very nature of the post (like, as an enormous watermark that covers your entire piece of artwork) you will never, on Tumblr, be able to set your boundaries, enforce those boundaries, and have them respected.

It's impossible, and it's not because everyone on Tumblr is selfish, or mean, or disrespecting you personally. It has absolutely nothing to do with you! The vast majority of Tumblr users see something they like - and like it for any of a million or more different reasons - and then reblog it without every considering the existence of the original poster beyond MAYBE noticing their username at the top of the post.

They won't check your DNI.

They won't know your squicks.

They won't remember your triggers.

Tumblr is not, nor will it ever be, a safe space.

You cannot, and will never be able to, control the behavior of the Tumblr userbase in the interest of protecting your own personal limits.

It is impossible to set and maintain personal boundaries on Tumblr.

People who say, "god, why do people have these DNIs" aren't saying, "you should be comfortable with everything and if you're not how DARE you," we're saying, "there is a fundamental mis-match between your desire to set boundaries, on the one hand, and the social media platform you've chosen, on the other."

There ARE platforms where it's possible to set boundaries. Discord, Pillowfort, Wordpress, even Facebook, have more functionality for any given individual regulating who interacts with created content and how they can interact.

THIS IS NOT THAT PLATFORM.

If you want to be able to strictly police your boundaries, you are in the wrong fucking place. Anything you post on here, could, at any time, wildly escape containment, get taken entirely out of context, end up on the blog of a domme, or a furry, or a parent, or your grandmother, or, or, or.

If you want to have strict control of your content, your blog, and who you interact with?

You should not be on Tumblr.

You are just setting yourself up to get hurt...and then you blame everyone else when it happens, even though the issue is the mis-match caused by your decision to be on a website that is a total free-for all. YOU CHOSE TO BE HERE, and then you get mad...at the people already here...for not conforming to your expectations. That's a YOU problem, not an everyone else problem. It's like you barged into a Pride parade and went, "Wait why are all these queer people here? And why is there a Parade? I'd rather just hang out with my own friends in a much smaller event CALL OF THE PARADE I DON'T LIKE IT." You sound like a child, and an idiot. Congrats, there are clowns at the circus, what a shock! If you didn't want the queers, if you didn't want the clowns, if you didn't want strangers interacting with you, if you wanted to set and maintain boundaries, then you failed the instant you came on Tumblr. Tumblr is not a website designed for this. End of story.

Have safe spaces. Set boundaries. I encourage you. Heck, I beg you. Having places you feel safe and surrounding yourself with people who respect your boundaries is stupidly important, no matter how young or old you are, how vanilla or kink, how anti- or pro-ship. But it cannot be done it here, and the expectation that it CAN is what so often leads people who are actually behaving like bullies to believe themselves to be victims.

So, like, if this describes you? If you want strict boundaries, and to have certain types of people not interact with you?

The best thing you can do is leave Tumblr, and find your communities elsewhere.

I promise, everyone will be happier if you do.

(and before you say, "but all the things I want are also on Tumblr!" it is...so stupidly easy to make a message board, or create a Discord server. I'm not saying don't have fandom spaces that suit you! I'm not saying you don't belong in fandom! On the contrary, PLEASE do things that bring you joy - but do it in a way you're comfortable with! You're entitled! You deserve it! And you will never be able to here! EVER. This is NOT that space, and you and those who feel as you do should create your own. For your OWN safety, first and foremost, because you deserve a space where your boundaries are respected. And you can't here. This website is explicitly designed to prevent bloggers from being able to protect their boundaries! Expecting your boundaries to be expected here is like going to a field of wildflowers and saying, "ONLY queen anne's lace here all other flowers DNI" and being shocked and personally offended when there'sother flowers all over the fucking place. You can't control what flowers are in the field. Tumblr is a field of weeds and they will grow like crazy, everywhere, no matter what you try to do to stop them. Because that's Tumblr's nature. So STOP TRYING. Go somewhere that you CAN prevent that, and tada, you'll be safe!)

[qqueenofhades]

Hi. I’m curious. What did you mean by “women who read fiction might get Bad Ideas!!!” has just reached its latest and stupidest form via tumblr purity culture.? I haven’t seen any of this but I’m new to tumblr.

Oh man. You really want to get me into trouble on, like, my first day back, don’t you?

Pretty much all of this has been explained elsewhere by people much smarter than me, so this isn’t necessarily going to say anything new, but I’ll do my best to synthesize and summarize it. As ever, it comes with the caveat that it is my personal interpretation, and is not intended as the be-all, end-all. You’ll definitely run across it if you spend any time on Tumblr (or social media in general, including Twitter, and any other fandom-related spaces). This will get long.

In short: in the nineteenth century, when Gothic/romantic literature became popular and women were increasingly able to read these kinds of novels for fun, there was an attendant moral panic over whether they, with their weak female brains, would be able to distinguish fiction from reality, and that they might start making immoral or inappropriate choices in their real life as a result. Obviously, there was a huge sexist and misogynistic component to this, and it would be nice to write it off entirely as just hysterical Victorian pearl-clutching, but that feeds into the “lol people in the past were all much stupider than we are today” kind of historical fallacy that I often and vigorously shut down. (Honestly, I’m not sure how anyone can ever write the “omg medieval people believed such weird things about medicine!” nonsense again after what we’ve gone through with COVID, but that is a whole other rant.) The thinking ran that women shouldn’t read novels for fear of corrupting their impressionable brains, or if they had to read novels at all, they should only be the Right Ones: i.e., those that came with a side of heavy-handed and explicit moralizing so that they wouldn’t be tempted to transgress. Of course, books trying to hammer their readers over the head with their Moral Point aren’t often much fun to read, and that’s not the point of fiction anyway. Or at least, it shouldn’t be.

Fast-forward to today, and the entire generation of young, otherwise well-meaning people who have come to believe that being a moral person involves only consuming the “right” kind of fictional content, and being outrageously mean to strangers on the internet who do not agree with that choice. There are a lot of factors contributing to this. First, the advent of social media and being subject to the judgment of people across the world at all times has made it imperative that you demonstrate the “right” opinions to fit in with your peer-group, and on fandom websites, that often falls into a twisted, hyper-critical, so-called “progressivism” that diligently knows all the social justice buzzwords, but has trouble applying them in nuance, context, and complicated real life. To some extent, this obviously is not a bad thing. People need to be critical of the media they engage with, to know what narratives the creator(s) are promoting, the tropes they are using, the conclusions that they are supporting, and to be able to recognize and push back against genuinely harmful content when it is produced – and this distinction is critical – by professional mainstream creators. Amateur, individual fan content is another kettle of fish. There is a difference between critiquing a professional creator (though social media has also made it incredibly easy to atrociously abuse them) and attacking your fellow fan and peer, who is on the exact same footing as you as a consumer of that content.

Obviously, again, this doesn’t mean that you can’t call out people who are engaging in actually toxic or abusive behavior, fans or otherwise. But certain segments of Tumblr culture have drained both those words (along with “gaslighting”) of almost all critical meaning, until they’re applied indiscriminately to “any fictional content that I don’t like, don’t agree with, or which doesn’t seem to model healthy behavior in real life” and “anyone who likes or engages with this content.” Somewhere along the line, a reactionary mindset has been formed in which the only fictional narratives or relationships are those which would be “acceptable” in real life, to which I say…. what? If I only wanted real life, I would watch the news and only read non-fiction. Once again, the underlying fear, even if it’s framed in different terms, is that the people (often women) enjoying this content can’t be trusted to tell the difference between fiction and reality, and if they like “problematic” fictional content, they will proceed to seek it out in their real life and personal relationships. And this is just… not true.

As I said above, critical media studies and thoughtful consumption of entertainment are both great things! There have been some great metas written on, say, the Marvel Cinematic Universe and how it is increasingly relying on villains who have outwardly admirable motives (see: the Flag Smashers in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier) who are then stigmatized by their anti-social, violent behavior and attacks on innocent people, which is bad even as the heroes also rely on violence to achieve their ends. This is a clever way to acknowledge social anxieties – to say that people who identify with the Flag Smashers are right, to an extent, but then the instant they cross the line into violence, they’re upsetting the status quo and need to be put down by the heroes. I watched TFATWS and obviously enjoyed it. I have gone on a Marvel re-watching binge recently as well. I like the MCU! I like the characters and the madcap sci-fi adventures! But I can also recognize it as a flawed piece of media that I don’t have to accept whole-cloth, and to be able to criticize some of the ancillary messages that come with it. It doesn’t have to be black and white.

When it comes to shipping, moreover, the toxic culture of “my ship is better than your ship because it’s Better in Real Life” ™ is both well-known and in my opinion, exhausting and pointless. As also noted, the whole point of fiction is that it allows us to create and experience realities that we don’t always want in real life. I certainly enjoy plenty of things in fiction that I would definitely not want in reality: apocalyptic space operas, violent adventures, and yes, garbage men. A large number of my ships over the years have been labeled “unhealthy” for one reason or another, presumably because they don’t adhere to the stereotype of the coffee-shop AU where there’s no tension and nobody ever makes mistakes or is allowed to have serious flaws. And I’m not even bagging on coffee-shop AUs! Some people want to remove characters from a violent situation and give them that fluff and release from the nonstop trauma that TV writers merrily inflict on them without ever thinking about the consequences. Fanfiction often focuses on the psychology and healing of characters who have been through too much, and since that’s something we can all relate to right now, it’s a very powerful exercise. As a transformative and interpretive tool, fanfic is pretty awesome.

The problem, again, comes when people think that fic/fandom can only be used in this way, and that going the other direction, and exploring darker or complicated or messy dynamics and relationships, is morally bad. As has been said before: shipping is not activism. You don’t get brownie points for only having “healthy” ships (and just my personal opinion as a queer person, these often tend to be heterosexual white ships engaging in notably heteronormative behavior) and only supporting behavior in fiction that you think is acceptable in real life. As we’ve said, there is a systematic problem in identifying what that is. Ironically, for people worried about Women Getting Ideas by confusing fiction and reality, they’re doing the same thing, and treating fiction like reality. Fiction is fiction. Nobody actually dies. Nobody actually gets hurt. These people are not real. We need to normalize the idea of characters as figments of a creator’s imagination, not actual people with their own agency. They exist as they are written, and by the choice of people whose motives can be scrutinized and questioned, but they themselves are not real. Nor do characters reflect the author’s personal views. Period.

This feeds into the fact that the internet, and fandom culture, is not intended as a “safe space” in the sense that no questionable or triggering content can ever be posted. Archive of Our Own, with its reams of scrupulous tagging and requests for you to explicitly click and confirm that you are of age to see M or E-rated content, is a constant target of the purity cultists for hosting fictional material that they see as “immoral.” But it repeatedly, unmistakably, directly asks you for your consent to see this material, and if you then act unfairly victimized, well… that’s on you. You agreed to look at this, and there are very few cases where you didn’t know what it entailed. Fandom involves adults creating contents for adults, and while teenagers and younger people can and do participate, they need to understand this fact, rather than expecting everything to be a PG Disney movie.

When I do write my “dark” ships with garbage men, moreover, they always involve a lot of the man being an idiot, being bluntly called out for an idiot, and learning healthier patterns of behavior, which is one of the fundamental patterns of romance novels. But they also involve an element of the woman realizing that societal standards are, in fact, bullshit, and she can go feral every so often, as a treat. But even if I wrote them another way, that would still be okay! There are plenty of ships and dynamics that I don’t care for and don’t express in my fic and fandom writing, but that doesn’t mean I seek out the people who do like them and reprimand them for it. I know plenty of people who use fiction, including dark fiction, in a cathartic way to process real-life trauma, and that’s exactly the role – one of them, at least – that fiction needs to be able to fulfill. It would be terribly boring and limited if we were only ever allowed to write about Real Life and nothing else. It needs to be complicated, dark, escapist, unreal, twisted, and whatever else. This means absolutely zilch about what the consumers of this fiction believe, act, or do in their real lives.

Once more, I do note the misogyny underlying this. Nobody, after all, seems to care what kind of books or fictional narratives men read, and there’s no reflection on whether this is teaching them unhealthy patterns of behavior, or whether it predicts how they’ll act in real life. (There was some of that with the “do video games cause mass shootings?”, but it was a straw man to distract from the actual issues of toxic masculinity and gun culture.) Certain kinds of fiction, especially historical fiction, romance novels, and fanfic, are intensely gendered and viewed as being “women’s fiction” and therefore hyper-criticized, while nobody’s asking if all the macho-man potboiler military-intrigue tough-guy stereotypical “men’s fiction” is teaching them bad things. So the panic about whether your average woman on the internet is reading dark fanfic with an Unhealthy Ship (zomgz) is, in my opinion, misguided at best, and actively destructive at worst.

[crusty]

literally can’t understand what you’re trying to say with the exclusionist post can you reword it

YEAH, I appreciate u asking, here's the gist:

The terms exclusionist and inclusionist are another example of Tumblr/Twitter trying to put people into categories of GOOD and bad, similar to the usage of anti/proshipper.

It's impossible to put people into binary categories, the usage of "Good" vs. "Bad" never works in any given context. This is also why having a gender binary doesn't work. Humans are very complex!

Now, that being said, this statement should not inherently tell people that I am an 'exclusionist'. That leap of logic does not make sense. Nowhere are the words "Asexuals are not LBGT" (which, to my understanding, is the main signifier of an 'exclusionist) anywhere present on my page or my posts.

That's all I said!

(If you want something deeper than my surface-level thoughts, feel free to click the read-more. I appreciate you asking for clarification.)

What do I believe then, if the terms "inclusionist" and "exclusionist" are overused and continuously abused in Tumblr/Twitter discourse spheres?

It's a nuanced situation. That means both sides are fucking stupid. The notion that inclusionists are DA GOOD GUYS and exclusionists are DA BAD GUYS makes the whole discourse pointless and completely antithetical to what the ace community should be focusing on.

Asexuals are people just like the rest of us. The need to consistently belittle them and claim that they do not exist has been tiring ever since the term first became popular/known in leftist circles. Many people do not feel sexual attraction, and there should absolutely be a conversation to teach others that sex is not the end all be all for a lot of people. The topic of "Sex or No Sex" shouldn't be something people actively care about.

//CW BELOW: r slur, CSA mention, heavy subject matter//

Here is a bit of personal information I feel comfortable sharing now.

I distinctly remember feeling very ostracized as a teen. (FOR MANY REASONS, but for this point, I'm specifically on the subject of sex/sexuality.) Everyone around me was falling prey to the horror that is heterosexuality and society's expectations of sex and the exploitation of young girls.

I actively did not feel sexual attraction at an age many of my peers did. I remember arguing back and forth with my dad in 2014 that there was a small community of people online that didn't feel sexual attraction, both boys and girls, and he called me r*tarded, saying that every man wants to have sex, and every girl wants sex with men. I was mortified by what he said to me. It stuck with me long after that conversation. At this time, I already knew my dad was a sexual predator who had no problem ruining my life, so it makes sense why at first the asexual community resonated with me.

//CW end//

From the time I was 15 to about 20, I considered myself asexual to a specific degree. I was a sex-repulsed ace for many years. I remember IDing as demi as a teen, back when I was stuck in MOGAI hell, and later in my life, I focused more on the bigger LGBT labels, searching for the perfect fit.

Eventually, I grew up and realized it was no one's fucking business how I personally felt about sex and what my relationship to it was. Ace is a modifier label to me. When I realized I was a lesbian who had been ashamed of my attraction to women and nonbinary people I was literally euphoric. That was the most important thing to me. Being able to have lesbian sex was literally more healing than anything else in the fuckin world.

Sex is a really fucking personal thing, and when I hit 21 years old I stopped giving a shit about acecourse. I'm on my own now and I got bills to pay and shit to do.

Even though I personally don't think being ace makes me intrinsically LGBT, I'm smart enough to understand that most who ID as ace are also queer in some way. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

----

Now the biggest reason why I stopped associating with the worst fucking discourse-ridden community on Tumblr.

There are a group of asexuals that have been some of the most tone-deaf, obnoxious, bigoted pieces of shit I've ever seen on the internet. The push amongst this very specific portion of aces on the internet to demonize sex completely, lump the LGBT community (a community that is largely filled with people who are, you guessed it, not asexual) with cishets solely on the basis that they are 'Sex Havers' (which is... extremely weird and invasive in general), consistently harassing lesbians and leaving them out of any sort of pride posts/merch, and misusing terms like TERF (a term that should ONLY be used when talking about transmisogynistic radical feminists.... an actual fascist hate group that has caused the real deaths of real women), is not something other aces should be actively supporting, and it should not be up to your fellow LGBTs to teach you shit you should already know. ESPECIALLY if you're fucking white and your main target of harassment is against black and brown people. You got all that time to bitch about shit and somehow no time to reblog a person of colors donation post. Okay.

I'm way past the point of giving a fuck, so please, if you disagree with any of my points, gladly grow up and leave my page. I shouldn't have to hide my thoughts to please a small minority of idiots on the internet. I'm too fucking old for this and so are y'all.

[naivesilver]

top 5 adaptations of the Fairy from Pinocchio? (or maybe top 5 best AND 5 worst?)

I spent so long staring at this and wondering if I even KNEW five good Fairies, but it turns out I do, albeit mostly for asinine reasons. Anyway AHFAKKJKFHAHJKJA thank you <3

Ask me my top 5 anything

Obviously under the cut because I couldn't resist and did BOTH

The salt AKA the worst of the worst first:

1) Piccolino No Bouken

Surprised? I suppose most would have expected me to put the Disney Fairy first, and I did, too, for a while, but as I was sitting in my car pondering this ranking I realized I was SEETHING with rage about this one, so I had to rearrange things a bit. This, guys, is where my Fairy hate begins - not the book, not the Mouse's interference. This woman.

I hate her. I hate her SO MUCH, for all that I love this adaptation more than most things in the world, and that the choices made about her characterization were a huge inspiration for me. Not only does she not send Pinocchio to school, instead teaching him on her own, she is the only one to actively keep Pinocchio from his father - indeed, she makes the choice for them, saying to Geppetto's face that it would be best for the boy to be taught something before he goes back home. Who the hell are you to make this call, uh? You have known him for a day at most! You left him hanging from a fucking tree all night! I wouldn't trust you with a bloody lapdog, nevermind a child!

Also she lets Pinocchio believe she's dead UNTIL THE VERY END. She turns into a bird while he cries at her tomb. Are we fucking serious now? Leave him alone.

(Yes, this is elementary school me howling for revenge. I've been mad about this longer than reason would let me. Sue me.)

2) Disney's Pinocchio

Bane of my existence. I don't know if anyone remembers that pic of me at the Pinocchio theme park I posted a while ago, but basically in that moment they were putting up a little show to tell children a little bit of the OG story, and they asked the audience if they knew what color the Fairy's hair was - a few said blonde, and I, being on stage next to her, distinctly heard her mutter "dammit, Disney". I've been living with that mantra since then.

Nobody asked you to make that puppet sentient, ma'am. He doesn't owe you shit. Aside from that, just like Jiminy Cricket, she ruined her character in a good two thirds of future adaptation. And while we're speaking of Jiminy, WHY did she think it would be a good idea to entrust a little boy to a slime ball such as him? He's too horny to have an ounce of sense. Conscience, my ass.

Basically...begone, asshole.

3) Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night

This film is so horrible, the Fairy had no chance to be decent at all. A cheap copy of the Disney one, with the addendum that she turns MULTIPLE toys into living beings while holding them responsible for whatever they do after. Basically Victor Frankenstein, but make it a poorly dressed woman from a direct-to-TV movie that shouldn't have existed at all.

-100/10, at least you're pretty, but by God, SHUT UP.

4) Once Upon a Time

Honest to God if she doesn't keep her filthy hands off my faves she's gonna get a slap across the face so strong her Wish Realm self ought to feel it sting. I am not exaggerating.

Seven seasons in, she hasn't done ANYTHING useful that I can remember. She's not even good at her own fucking job! Not only that, she's traumatized and guilt-tripped a good chunk of the population of Storybrooke, including first and foremost my beloved son August. The Pavlovian reaction I had every time she appeared on screen can't be described in coherent words, only in eagle screeches.

She's wrong. On principle, she's wrong. Let's move on.

5) Luigi Comencini's Le Avventure di Pinocchio

Doesn't rank higher only because she's played by Gina Lollobrigida (my beloved). She's book accurate, which means she'd be annoying as fuck as it is, but what little they added only makes her worse.

She has the gall to tell Pinocchio she'd like to see him happier. Like, apart from the fact that the ghost of his father's deceased wife isn't exactly the most reassuring person to hear it from...Said father has been swallowed by a giant fish. You told that boy he's only going to see his father if he studies hard. You keep turning him into a puppet anytime he misbehaves. What did you expect, that he would do the Macarena every time he entered your house? I am honestly too shocked to say any more. What the fuck.

.

.

.

Okay, I've been enraged enough for a single night. Let's move onto brighter shores!

1) Enzo D'Alò's Pinocchio

Enzo D'Alò knows what the fuck is UP!!! The only one with the courage to let the Fairy be a weird little girl - not only for a short time, but up until the end of the movie! That takes guts! Balls of steel!

I've said before that this movie has nothing memorable to it, and it's true, but also...Pinocchio wanted a sister so bad, and the movie gave him one. And they even explained the plot hole of the medallion with Pinocchio's face in it! That's twice as good as the fact that they cut out the most awful parts of her story, which is already delightful.

Thank you, Mr D'Alò. You have my trust until the end of days.

2) The Adventures of Buratino

Speaking of weird girls, this one is officially balls to the walls enough to gain my respect. She's bothersome to Pinocchio, but she's bothersome to everyone and everything, so I'll let it pass. Her role is exclusively to appear out of nowhere and do batshit insane stuff for no good reason at all. A star.

Plus, other than having an handwashing obsession that I've felt very keenly in the past year and a half, she also has a boyfriend - her and Pierrot are the original girlboss and malewife, I'm not accepting any criticism on the matter.

(Fun fact: when I was a young kid I once dreamt that the Piccolino No Bouken Fairy was dating a big, buff and blonde farmhand. He wooed her by gifting Pinocchio a dog. Apparently I've always been very interested in Fairies getting a love life and staying the fuck away from my specialest little boy.)

3) Pinocchio miniseries

"Serena, but you said you were disappointed in this adaptation so many times!" True. But consider: I am also very, very queer, and Violante Placido being motherly and wearing wispy dresses stirred SOMETHING in 11yo me that I can't very well ignore.

In hindsight, she and the Cricket probably had something going on behind the scenes, which is a shame. Miss Fairy, I swear, you could do better than Luciana Littizzetto in an ill-fitting green suit. She's gonna break your heart and lose your puppet charge in a crowd of little idiots. Do me instead.

4) Pinocchio Vampire Slayer

This woman kills monsters - and she's damn good at it! Honestly, so badass, and such a good mother figure too, even in trying times. I don't want to spoil the comic much to those who haven't read it, but she and Cherry are the highlight of the first volume and I am very fond of them. A+.

5) Matteo Garrone's Pinocchio

This one's book accurate, too, but Garrone did something with her that almost burst in tears in a crowded theater. She's awful, and irritating, but she's...she's so human, too. I can't rage against a Fairy that's so impossibly human even during the smallest of scenes. It breaks me over and over again.

Look at her SMILING, for pity's sake, am I supposed to think there's some warmth in the dead lady? Fuck you, Matteo, what did you do to me? I am an honored Fairy hater. You're going to ruin my reputation if you keep this up.

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

What is your opinion on straight passing privilege? I (bi) don’t think it exists, but a close (lesbian) friend of mine insists that it does bc “You can hold hands with your SO (nb cis passing man) in public without risking being the victim of a hate crime.” I have been researching but keep seeing this same argument coming up, and I’m unsure and don’t want to be making anyone upset if I’m being ignorant here.

I think that there's a lot of fucked up internet politics around who is and isn't allowed in the community. Which is ridiculous.

Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Pan, Poly, Ace, Aro, Trans, Intersex, etc.

The only people who shouldn't be in the community are cishets, and pedos, none of that 'it's a sexuality' nonsense, it's predation.

The concept of straight-passing is ridiculous, primarily because it's all based on assumptions. If you're in an m/f relationship, and you are both cis and heterosexual, it's straight.

But here's the catch, if you identify as any LGBPT+ then it's not straight.

Two trans people in an m/f relationship is not straight passing.

Two bi people in an m/f is not straight passing, it's queer babes, it's in the name. If you're bi and your partner is like, straight, it's still queer from your side of the fence.

It's the 'pick a side' argument from another direction, this straight passing nonsense. Where you are villified by the straights if you have a same-sex relationship (or fetishised, let's be real, every part of the acronymn has it's own p*rn category aimed at straight people with a kink), and if you have a relationship with the opposite gendered person, the queer community gets cranky.

Two things:

1) Is this friend between 13 and 25? Bc they could still be working this out or being mentored by t*rfs, or had some bad info. IT could be jealousy or fear of being open where you live. Perhaps you could question what makes her say that; has she had a bad experience, or did someone say this to her. where are you Are you in america? are there snake wielding jesus warriors near you? Blink SOS if you need an escape route, child

2) Who wins when everyone in the queer community is divided and policing one another? Telling everyone off for dating this person or that person or not at all

I didn't get an invite to the big queer conference to make these decisions, so like, they're not valid. It's some pocket of internet active idiots who think they can speak for everyone.

What we need to do is stop pulling this bullshit on one another and get back to asking just why the fuck it's not okay for people who are perceived as not-straight or cis etc to hold hands in public.

There's a problem for every facet of the acronym, babes and dudes and theys. Lesbians are heavily sexualised by straight cis dudes. Gays are heavly fetisihed by straight cis women. to the point where even saying 'I'm gay' is considered to be an obscene, sexual act that you should not let children be exposed to.

And there's always someone from the opposite gender who thinks they 'are confused' or 'haven't met the right (gender) person yet', or 'they could fix them with their magic genitals' or mumbled religious nonsense. There's such intense stereotypes that people can't stand women who look butch, but also you can't 'really' be a lesbian unless you are' or gay men can't just be, like, a normal dude, instead of some flamboyant in-your-face charicature.

Of course people who match the stereotype exist, too. And they get no respect for fitting into the stereptypes either, it's just another reason for disrespect. There's no winning.

Bi's can't talk to anyone without hearing a question of a threesome come up or being attacked from either side for coice of partner.

Pans, same, but also kitchenware jokes. Both Bi and Pan are considered sluts and whores and can't decide or are going to cheat, etc. Or the 'you're being special snowflakes', 'choose a side', 'you're secretly gay and won't admit / you're secretly straight and want attention' etc.

Ace/Aro - everyone under this banner gets the whole 'you just haen't found the right person' or 'when you're older/you're a late bloomer' or 'how do you know?' or 'maybe you're straight/gay and haven't worked it out yet?' invalidating them completely and trying to push sex onto them. The queer community has always let Ace and Aro in under the Bi banner, and they are welcome. But the internet community, usually young people, are tearing each other to shreds over it lmao.

Chill.

Non-binary, trans, intersex. They have been here for ages, but people from one community try to destroy their credibility, despite them existing since humanity has. It's big on p*rn and fetish sites too, lot of straight dudes think these things are hot and sexy, but would spit on trans people in the street. Hypocrites (I mean, every second low-brow comedy movie out there makes a thai-l*dyb*y joke, and how it 'doesn't count' like yikes).

Nb has only just been recognised, which is funny bc society literally made up gender and the rules and pretended that was how its encoded in DNA lmao.

Transpeople have it bad though. Between the cis straights, the cis queer community (primarily t*rfs and those who fall for misinformation) and the fetishists, and the medical community who treats them like an illness rather than people. Like, they are afforded respect if they 'pass', but even then it's still an EW factor.

Transwomen are seen as 'men in dresses who want to break into women's spaces' and treated horrifically; assaults are very high. Transmen are seen as butch women, and 'gender tr*itors' by the Crazy Motherfuckers we mentioned before; their assaults are high. They're not considered Real People unless they meet the ridiculously high standards for each gender; unless they perform Right.

I remember, but did not understand at the time bc I recall i was little, that there was a gameshpw bachelorette style and there was a big twist. You know what the twist was? That the bachelorette they'd been dating and trying to win over... was trans. I don't think that she knew it would be the big twist, either; of the two men remaining, bother were angry and one might have been sick. Might be on youtube.

But like, that's funny to the non-queer community. They put a huge fucking target on this woman's back, put her in danger of being hurt, abused, killed, by anyone who watched it. By the men who she had 'lied to' as they chose to frame it, of their weird white american families who could have sought revenge. Like yikes.

And intersex people (called h*rmaphrodites for a long time even by medical personnel) were also a p*rn category and/or medical curiosity for centuries. Not to mention all the cases of parents who just went with 'make them a (specific gender)' if there was mixed presentation, at birth, and got mad at the kids for being like "Hey so, you flipped the coin wrong and I'm ___" even thought the potential for this was always on the cards.

And the parents often make a big messa bout how their baby ___ is dead and gone, even if they DO accept the person/child as who they really are. It's like, I get it they have changed but you didn't mourn their first haircut or lost baby tooth like this and that was change too, chill.

-

Straight-passing is a projection and a weapon. Like, is it the people in the relationship's fault that society looks at the pair and decides they are m/f, straight and cis? Nah, it's what people are conditioned assume and that's on them.

We can't bring it into the queer spaces and keep perpetuating that shit, because it's nonsense. Queer people are dying in other countries and your friend wants to being smart-assed about the fact you hold hands with your nb datemate in public?

-

Nonsense. That's right up there with t*rfs and the gold-star bullshit that was going on for a few years there. Probs still is among the younger people lmaoooo.

'Passing priviledge' is a myth, and it is used to hurt people. Vulnerable people and those who need support / guidance and assistance from their queer communities more than ever. So try to talk to your friend or try The Whole Friend disposal services, either way, chill.

The real issue here is that any of us are at risk of a hate crime for daring to even show affection in public. That even in safe spaces, 'allies' and those wise enough not to be openly homo/trans/bi/pan/ace/aro/other phobic are still side-eyeing you and wanting to talk 'for you' without listening to the community itself.

We have bigger issues than this, and your friend (and some others on the internet) need to get a grip and prioritise.

[Insert strained analogy about being pro-child but childfree in a suburb where everyone got married out of high school and anticipates you and your partner will too, no matter how often you remind them No Thanks. But you babysat the other day and people thought you and your partner looked like 'naturals' when you took child to the park and played with them. And you remind them, hey, chill, we like kids too but it's not for us. And they get pissy and pushy.]

---------

I can only point it out from my perspective, I'm certain there other queer people from the above acronymn community who can present their thoughts on the matter to and what it means to them.

Thanks for the question, good-bi.

[kainumbernine009]

I literally cannot do anything else until I get this out.

I’m... really not okay.

And when I say that, I’m not mentally unstable. I say that because I’m tired of waiting on empty promises, I’m tired of never having money in our account, I’m tired of living in a fucking city where half of the white people fucking worship the ground Trump walks on, and where most of the gay community has so much messy drama that it’s worse than middle school. And I went to a rough middle school.

I never talk about my past, because I don’t like to. It sucked. HARD. Being and only child in my family was nothing less than torture, especially as a closeted queer person. We grew up in the white Christian part of Nashville that dominated Music Row in the 90′s and early 2000′s. I played basketball with Alan Jackson’s daughter, and being around famous people was just no big deal. But, my parents decided to leave Nashville after my dad lost his job at TPAC, and we moved down south an hour to the town where the KKK got started (Pulaski, TN).

I had maybe two non-white people in my private Christian school growing up. I was never afraid of Black people, but my parents showed their racist asses quick when we moved there. The KKK has never left America, guys, no matter how many articles you read or studies you do. From 2005 to 2009 I saw a white town show its very worst to the Black community. I’ll never forget the first time I saw a march for “White Christians for Purity” the summer before Obama got elected. The disgust I felt inside was palpable. I had all kinds of friends in school, and I didn’t give TWO SHITS who they were or what they looked like... but I saw children my age, being brainwashed by their parents, that “white” is “right.”

Ever since then, I have been learning and growing about the issues of race. I remember my white classmates using the N word and getting away with it. I remember hearing about the principal at the high school punishing all the Black kids but not the white kids. I remember being invited to a church south of town that was a historically Black church, and how nice the ladies were to me for coming.

But I’ll never forget the racism that the religious groups promoted there, especially First Baptist Church and the 12 Tribes. I’ll never forget how FBC told me that my friend was going to Hell because she killed herself. I’ll never forget my mom telling me not to marry a Black man because of “impure genes.” I WILL NEVER FORGET THE INJUSTICES I SAW WHITE PEOPLE DOING TO BLACK PEOPLE THERE. NEVER.

And thank God, I have shaken the burden of religious guilt, but I still fight against this mentality. I live in a place that’s usually not even 10 minutes away from Trump-humping, sister-fucking, meth-addicted Confederate cunts in any direction. And we’re even closer to the rich white people who silently supported him, upset that their taxes would go up because of Biden.

And in the past four years since Trump got elected, I’ve gotten married, graduated college with honors, started my own photography business, and was making more than my husband there for a minute. I did my own taxes, marketing, editing, and everything. And then I came out as trans.

I lost everything.

I lost my studio. I lost friends. I had rumors started about me. I had people post hate messages on my wall. I had people at my drag shows tell others not to tip me, for whatever fucking reasons. I’ve had bosses give cis people jobs over me, and I’ve had government workers give me second looks when I hand them my license.

It. Fucking. Sucks. To. Live. Here. Like. This.

Oh yeah, did I mention I’m also a witch/medium? I’ve talked to dead people before and have told their relatives things I shouldn’t have known otherwise about their grandparents. Like, this information doesn’t even exist on Google. And I’m attuned to reiki. I’m always aware of what’s happening on at least SOME metaphysical level. This is a gift that I’ve had to go through life developing and learning about myself, with no one’s help but me.

I didn’t even know until I was an adult that I have autism and ADHD.

I’ve taken bullets from people who were about to kill themselves. I’ve yelled at 5th grade music classrooms for doing racist dance moves and appropriating Native Americans (I have a degree in Music Education K-12). I’ve consoled kids in classrooms who suddenly have panic attacks. AND I’ve told horny teenagers to stay in their fucking lane and respect the girls around them. I’ve apparently been an inspiration to those around me, but inspiration NOR exposure pays the bills. I’ve already had COVID, and so has my husband, but I knew that after graduating college that I would never have a fulfilling life being a music teacher in Tennessee’s public schools.

And now that we have COVID, and an orange, small-dicked, pedophilic, rape apologizing, dirty, crusty white president who STILL REFUSES TO CONCEDE, who is DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HAVING HIS FOLLOWERS SEND DEATH THREATS TO MY FAMILY, I really don’t know what the fuck else to do other than go burn down all the houses I know of in North Georgia that belong to these Christian sex cult pedophiles and call it a day. My girlfriend unfortunately was born into one of those families, and I know just how bad it can get. In fact, her dad’s lawyer threatened me with blackmail earlier in November, so that was fun!

And now, on December 11, 2020, I’m still sitting here in the same fucking house, doing the same fucking things I’ve been doing all year - trying to get a job and failing horribly. I’M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS COVID BULLSHIT AND OUR INCOMPOTENT CUNT OF A PRESIDENT! And there’s only ever one other person I’ve ever called a cunt... my own mother.

I’ve lived in many places. I’ve met many different people. I’ve made mistakes, and have grown, but there’s one thing for damn sure that I always make sure to do, every single fucking day.

I ALWAYS try to do better.

In addition to this, I treat everyone with the same amount of respect, unless they have done something directly to me to negate that. If I know that someone believes in something that directly harms me or my family, I don’t even associate with them. I don’t spend my energy on things that don’t need it. And everyone else should, too.

The problem with some of y’all is that you care about the wrong things. Like will Becky text me back or did I get front row seats to that concert, or did I slave my life away to capitalism just so that I can own a Mercedes and have my friends jealous. I’ve had way too many dear death experiences to know that EVERY single fucking day is a gift. EVERY day.

I don’t want to be remembered first for the art I create. I want to be remembered for my character. I want to be remembered as the courageous person who never backed down in the face of adversity. But when you live in a place that already hates you and that is against you, that’s really fucking hard. Trust me. My marriage went from a cis straight passing couple to a white gay passing couple. I’ve seen how people’s attitudes changed around me as I transitioned. I know what it feels like to slowly lose a piece of your privilege you were born with.

So yeah, I kinda get a little fucking upset when I see people saying All Lives Matter, or when I see doctors refusing to treat trans patients in pandemics, or when I see cops YET AGAIN harassing Black people only a few blocks away from my house for no other reason than racism. And at this point, anyone who thinks they know me but only knows what people think they know about me can suck my entire ass and eat ten dicks. I don’t give a FUCK about who you are or what you’ve done. If you treat me or other people with no respect for no reason other than to be an asshole, you’re just plain shit. If you SERIOUSLY believe every little rumor and lie that someone tells about me before meeting me, fuck you AND the horse you rode in on.

What I can’t stand is people doing or saying things just to get a rise out of me or others. I thought we left petty shit in high school. Some of the people that “know” me really need to fucking grow up and grow a pair and either say what they want to my face, or stay mad. I’m tired of playing fucking petty games with y’all. We have a whole ass pandemic to solve.

So here’s the ultimatum... if you agree that Black Lives Matter and that queer people deserve basic human rights, EVEN THE ONES YOU HATE, then that’s the bare minimum to even be a decent person. If you can’t even do those things, then I don’t fucking know what else to say to you.

So NBC, maybe not have John Mulaney joke about my license debacle with my gold van on SNL, and Seth Meyers... maybe HIRE ME INSTEAD of Mulaney because clearly y’all don’t know about the south as much as I do? Oh, and that gazeebo joke with Lee University... I caught that. I may have autism, but I’m not a fucking idiot. I mean. I’m funny when I’m given the chance. And yeah, I’m on a watchlist, but who the fuck isn’t these days? At least all my secrets are out for the world to see, and I have a bangin’ tattoo.

I’m tired of everyone being like “omg, I’ve seen what he can do, it’s fantastic!” or “omg you’re so funny haha” and bragging on me and then NOT FUCKING HIRING ME. I’m TIRED of waiting on something that’s clearly at this point never coming.

I don’t even have testicles, and my balls are bigger than most of the cis men I have EVER met.

So, if you want to help me, or hire me, or get me out to an audition... I’ll be there. But until then, I’m so fucking MAD at some of these producers. Yeah, my mom is a cunt, but she worked in various forms of digital production from the 1980′s until she retired this year. She taught me SO MUCH about directing, writing, shooting, and more. I know how these things are supposed to run behind the scenes. I know what the fuck I’m doing, and I don’t take constructive criticism like a bitch. I actually WANT to be criticized, so I can do even better.

So PLEASE, for the love of Christ... y’all need to get your priorities together AND PLEASE STOP LEAVING ME OUT OF THE LOOP WITH THIS BULLSHIT. Grow a fucking pair and either call me, email me, or leave me alone. It’s really not that fucking hard. Looking at you, Lorne Michaels.

Oh and someone tell my husband what the fuck’s been going on because I’m tired of him gaslighting me about it.

[raayllum]

hey you. yeah you. we’re gonna do a little pop quiz on living life, alright? answer below and read carefully.

have you been a little asshole lately? by which i mean, 1) have you been treating people online like people lately? 2) have you been treating tumblr like a conversation, which it is? 3) have you been sending hate? (4. at what point does critique become bullying?) 5. have you been asking yourself that question? if you answer no to every question but 3), congratulations, you’ve been a little asshole lately.

circle your answers. are you A.) an angry gay teenager and have you B.) been sending hate to other angry gay teenagers over what they ship? do they have to disclose their age or sexuality for you to care and stop? if you circle B) then congratulations, you’re a little asshole.

personally, i don’t have much experience being a little asshole. my teen years are barely behind me, my 20s scraping by ahead, but this is my round-about way of giving some life advice, because by some weird fluke of fate, i get new followers on this blog just about every single day and i know a lot of you guys are probably younger than me, and well, i guess sometimes not being a little asshole can be hard.

(are you being needlessly cruel? are you focusing your energy on shitting on something that people love instead of what you love? is it necessary? because i can guarantee it will hurt you more in the long run.)

so take it from someone who’s been queer, in fandoms, and probably past the life stage you’re at now for some time: ask yourself what you care about and why. if you care about other people, then act like it. that includes strangers on the internet, whose personal information you are never entitled to, and you should not need to know someone’s history or personal experiences in order to not be a little asshole. no one is entitled to that information of you either, ever. and i cannot stress this enough, but making snap judgments of someone will ever only go poorly, and you should never assume someone’s history. ever.

quick crash course in university level narrative theory: fandom antis and people who say there’s only one right way to engage with anything in fandom - ship, character, headcanon, etc. - sound like samuel johnson, a 18th century idiot, and plato, who kicked poets out of his metaphorical republic and held us back in scientific discoveries for literal centuries until kepler had the sense to call bullshit. we’ve been having this argument for literally thousands of years and aristotle disagrees with you. you’re never gonna win because that’s not how art inherently works. learn to listen rather than demand. 

(do you think humans are bad and stupid? do you typically hold a negative view of others? of yourself? cut that shit out. even if you’re right about the first thing, it doesn’t do anything. there is nothing productive about pessimism. 

are you trapping yourself in an inability to change? are you trapping other people there? do you believe we are broken? do you believe we are stuck? if someone saw the worst of you on your worst days, it wouldn’t be a very pretty picture. are you taking your other - better - days into account? are you taking other people’s? even the score. forgive yourself. let go. 

you can’t carry all of that. no one has to.)

(that does not mean you have to stick around to see other people’s days, but you shouldn’t deny that they could exist. despair and tragedy is when no more chances or changes are possible, not because the ending was inevitable, but because this was the end. aristotle understood that, too.)

have you been a little asshole? it can be scary to answer yes, because by your own mindset that means you can’t change without having what you’ve done previously held against you. answer yes anyway. at least then you can change and have new (better) things to hold against you, like a heart and happiness against your chest.

the #1 rule for surviving fandom: the second you don’t enjoy it, get out. the second it causes you more frustration or misery than it does happiness, leave. you don’t want to see something? don’t look at it. you can shut your eyes. you can turn away. you don’t have to put up with bullshit and the way isn’t by controlling others, but by curating yourself.

focus on what you love. make sure one of those things is yourself. believe the stories you read if they have messages that are useful for you. keep up with your readings. it is always better to ask for help and find out that you don’t need it than not ask when you desperately do. these things are skills that build muscle memory like any other. practice.

listen to sleeping at last (or whatever music you like). learn when things aren’t actually that deep and learn when they are. learn to see what other people see even if you can never wear their glasses. study history. go outside. go to therapy. change labels. smile first. (someone always has to make the first step. it might as well be you.) you can have compassion without compromising your character. (know when to compromise.) keep waiting, even when you get angry, even when you get frustrated. things are always better in the morning. ferociously protect your boundaries. eat at least two meals a day. try to do something you like if you can’t do what you love. do what you love on the side. do what you love for you. (fuck everybody else.) 

and if you’re lonely, i promise, one day you won’t be anymore. 

(everyone has people to find. it’s the only answer that matters.)

[thechangeling]

There's nothing to be afraid of.

Idk I'm trash for queer characters helping other queer characters so this happened.

I wrote this awhile ago. It's set after Los but before QOAAD.

If you had told Kit Herondale a year ago that not only would he one day be training as a shadowhunter at the Los Angeles institute, but he would also be knocking on the door of Magnus Bane's loft to ask for his advice, he probably would have laughed in your face.

 However many things had changed in the months following his father's death and Kit  had gone from despising all shadowhunters to learning he was one and had become extremely close with the Blackthorn family.

 Especially Ty.

 Tiberius Blackthorn was unlike any other person Kit had ever met. He was extraordinary in every sense of the word. With a beautiful mind and a beautiful soul, Ty had rapidly worked his way into Kit's heart. What started as a minor infatuation had blossomed into powerful adoration. He was completely in love with Ty and it was scaring the crap out of him.

Now it wasn't like Kit was afraid of his sexuality. He had known that he liked multiple genders for awhile now. He had just never expected to fall in love and have it swallow him whole. Hence the reason why Kit had shown up randomly at the high warlock's residence at an ungodly hour of the night, because Magnus was the only person Kit could think of who could help him deal with what he was feeling.

 Sure he could have talked to either Mark or Helen Blackthorn seeing as they were both quite well versed in falling in love with a member of the same sex, but Kit really didn't want to disclose this kind of information to Ty's siblings. As for Aline, she would most likely tell Helen and then it would be the same problem all over again and Alec Lightwood lived with Magnus, being his partner, so either way Kit was making a trip down to their Brooklyn loft. But more to the point, Magnus had centuries of experience and was probably more well equipped to give advice.

Kit took a deep breath and cleared his thoughts. If Magnus was going to be able to help him at all, he wouldn't know until he actually asked. He raised his fist to the sleek slab of oak separating the home of Brooklyn's favourite power couple from the world and knocked firmly three times.

At first there was silence, then a slight rustling  mixed with an exasperated and exhausted groan. Kit felt his stomach twist with guilt. What the hell was he even doing here? He really had no legitamite reason other then his tale of unrequited love. At least he was pretty sure it was unrequited. Why would Ty ever want some one like him?

Footsteps began to relectently make their way towards the door. The handle turned and then the door was flung open and Magnus Bane was standing in front of Kit, tired cat eyes gleaming, hair standing up at odd angles and looking thoroughly unimpressed.

"May I ask what on earth you're doing at my door at 2 in the morning little nephilim?" Magnus demanded. He managed to sound royally pissed off while still keeping his voice just above a whisper. Kit froze for a moment, all of his reasons now seemed quite petty and foolish. He could have at least waited until morning. Well later in the morning at least. 

 His head had just been swimming with fears and this powerful feeling of weakness had been haunting him. He hated the way Ty had so much power over him. He didn't understand it and there was a part of him that wanted it gone. He didn't want to be weak, he didn't want someone to have complete control over him. Especially now.

 Magnus cleared his throat expectantly and Kit was jolted back to the present. "I'm really sorry Magnus" kit muttered sheepishly. "I just really needed to talk to you. But I should have waited". Magnus raised his eyebrows looking only slightly less unimpressed. "Well you're here now aren't you? Speaking of which, how the hell did you get to New York at this hour without anyone noticing you were gone?" Magnus asked.

 Kit took another deep breath, fully prepared to be judged. "I asked Tessa to portal me here" he replied wincing internally. " I told her it was an emergency that only you could help with."  Magnus' eyes searched him up and down clearly looking for some sort of injury. Finding none, Magnus' eyes narrowed. "Well is it an emergency?" he asked, clearly growing rather suspicious of Kit. Kit was fully prepared to stammer out another apology and declare it all a huge mistake. However the frightening ache in his heart was only growing. Even if Magnus couldn't help him with it, or he had nothing helpful to add, Kit just needed to tell someone. He could only pray that somehow Magnus would understand.

 "I'm sorry I know it's late, I know I should have planned this better but I just really needed to talk to you." Kit rambled avoiding Magnus' eyes. "I just... He paused for awhile trying to find the words. "I just really needed help." Magnus eyed him softly but with some suspicion. "And you decided to portal hop all the way to New York for help?" Magnus asked with bewilderment. Kit opened his mouth to explain himself, but Magnus was already stepping back and opening the door wider. "Well come on then" Magnus gestured into the apartment with a dramatic flourish. "If you're choosing to go full Herondale then you better step inside".

Kit followed Magnus cautiously into the loft. "Try to keep your voice down. Alexander and the kids are sleeping" Magnus whispered. Kit nodded, surveying his surroundings. Magnus and Alec's loft was beautifully unique, showing off Magnus' style while still displaying many items that were very clearly Alec's.  Magnus made his way over to the drinks table and began fixing himself a cocktail. "So what can I do for you Kit?" he asked.

 Kit was silent for a moment. Again he was faced with the reality of how pathetic he was being. Magnus wasn't going to be happy. Unfortunately Kit couldn't help it, he felt like he was drowning in Ty and that wasn't what the Blackthorns needed from him right now. It certainly wasn't what the people who required his protection needed either.

" Listen I'm really sorry to bother you at this hour" Kit began, " I probably shouldn't be here but.."  Magnus cut him off. "Look you're obviously having some sort of adolescent freakout so I'll forgive the late hour. Let's just try not to make a habit of it alright?" Kit nodded gratefully. "Alright now what seems to be the problem?"

 

Kit took a breath and then began to confess. " I just feel so off balance. So helpless and scared. I have all of these feelings and it's like they're threatening to consume me. It's just this constant blinding ache and I can't make it go away. And I feel so selfish because the Blackthorns are dealing with real problems right now. They just lost their sister!" Kit exclaimed in a hurry. 

Magnus took a long gulp of his drink and observed Kit with watchful eyes. "Your problems are valid now matter how small or insignificant they seem. Now how about you take a deep breath and tell me what the actual problem is." Kit sunk down onto one of Magnus' sofas, his exhaustion, both mental and physical was starting to catch up with him.  

"I'm in love with Ty". He breathed just above a whisper. "I love him so much and it's killing me." Kit was almost afraid to met Magnus' eyes again. That was the first time he had ever said it out loud and it felt equally liberating and terrifying. Kit rose his gaze from the carpet back up to Magnus again, fully prepared to be yelled at for how ridiculous he was being.

But Magnus was silent.

Kit was panicking. Not just worrying or even silently stressing. Full blown panicking. His finger nails were digging into the palms of his hands and his stomach was in knots. Kit was fully prepared to just stand up and leave when Magnus suddenly broke into a grin.

"Well Tessa owes me $50" he said with a smile, turning around to pour himself a refill on his cocktail. "But more to the point, why did you want to talk to me about this? You have no shortage of love sick idiots back in LA. Why did you need my opinion?" Magnus asked, furrowing his brow in confusion. This was a valid question and Kit had a feeling Magnus would ask it. However. " I just didn't feel comfortable talking about this with Ty's siblings or any of the other people in the institute" Kit explained.  "And even if I was, people like Julian and Emma or even Tessa still wouldn't understand what it's like to be called horrible names when you walk down the street holding hands with your partner or what it's like to have your life threatened every time you participate in an event like a pride parade or to literally be illegal in certain countries. Not just to have your love be illegal but for your existence to actually be illegal because if they find out you're gay or bi or pan or whatever, you'll be killed. As much as I wish I could pretend that the love I feel for Ty is the same as the love Julian feels for Emma or the love Tessa feels for Jem, I just can't because we don't face the same challenges, so it's not the same." Kit declared with passion. "Please tell me you understand what I mean Magnus."

Kit was staring into Magnus' eyes hoping that he could will him to make sense of why Kit had portalled all the way to New York and why he wasn't talking to Jace even though he was Kit's  relative. Magnus was silent again, clearly waiting for Kit to continue talking, but he nodded his head and took another sip from his cocktail.

"Anyways you've been in love with guys before and obviously you are now so I just figured that  you would be the best person to help me out. I just need your advice." Kit explained trying his best to sound like he wasn't demanding anything.

Now Magnus was starting to glare. "You need my advice?" He repeated exasperatedly. "As in you have no idea what you're supposed to do next?"  Now Kit was really confused. He thought he had made that pretty clear already. "No Magnus I really don't" Kit replied doing his best to keep the desperation out of his voice.

Magnus sighed dramatically and poured himself what must have been his third cocktail an drank it all in one gulp. Kit would have been concerned if it wasn't Magnus. "Well the obvious thing to do would be to tell him how you feel and go from there" said Magnus moving his empty cocktail glass around while gesturing with his hands to accentuate every word. Kit was not impressed. Seriously. He took a fricķin portal to New York just to hear the words "tell him how you feel."  Of course he couldn't actually tell Magnus any of this without running the risk of being turned into a slug or something equally as unpleasant.

What Kit did say was "I can't tell him Magnus. His twin sister just died. Not to mention if he knew the truth it would ruin our friendship." Magnus threw his hands up in the air and muttered something about idiot Herondales in love under his breath. "Why are you so certain it will ruin things if you're honest about how you feel? I mean how do you expect this to go anywhere if you don't tell him?" Magnus asked curiously.

Kit cringed inwardly. Clearly Magnus didn't get it. Not that he really blamed him, seeing as Magnus was pretty spectacular so it would be hard to turn down an offer like that from him. However, Kit on the other hand was a different story. Kit went back to staring at the carpet. " I don't expect it to go anywhere. That's the whole point." Kit mumbled. "Why would someone as beautiful and brilliant as Ty ever want someone like me? It's just not happening."  Magnus sofened his gaze and tilted his head slightly. "Really? You seriously believe that?  Why? Why wouldn't Ty be interested in you?" Magnus approached Kit slowly urging him to look up. " I've never seen anyone with such passion, such devotion." Magnus spoke precisely, urging Kit to hear him. "You are so obviously enamoured with this boy, willing to do anything or risk anything for him. Knowing all that how could he not at least give you a chance?"

Kit took a moment to process this. Considering the fact that shadowhunters weren't exactly big believers in points for effort and enthusiasm, Kit hadn't thought Ty or anyone would be effected by the strength of his feelings. However clearly Magnus was another story. Kit knew Herondales were famous and occasionly made fun of for their dramatics, usually involving romance. He didn't want to do anything that might scare Ty or make him uncomfortable. However the more he thought about it, maybe Magnus was right, maybe complete honesty was the best course of action. Magnus had taken a set next to him, empty cocktail glass abandoned on the coffee table, his head was resting against one of the decoretive throw pillows and he looked as though he was about drift asleep.

Kit was about to mention to Magnus that he was leaving and thank him for his help when Magnus suddenly let out a loud snore, indicating that he was fast asleep. Kit felt himself smile at the sight. The high worlock of Brooklyn looked so peaceful and non threatening. Kit carefully rose off the couch and grabbed a nearby notepad and pen and scribbled out a quick note.

Hey Magnus.

You dozed off so I decided it was time to get home before Julian realizes I'm gone. Thank you for the advice. It means a lot.

Kit.

Setting the note down on the coffee table, Kit cast one final glance at Magnus and then started towards the door.  Who knew if Magnus' advice would pay off? Ty could listen to Kit profess his love for him and decide he never wanted to see him again. He could laugh in his face or worse, kick him out of the institute. Telling Ty the truth could ruin everything. Or it could be the beginning of something beautiful. Either way, Kit wouldn't know until he tried.

[go-diane-winchester]

Why Misha chose destiel

One heller was very affronted that I was critical of Misha.  Now, on Tumblr there are many anti tags.  Jensen has one.  Jared has one.  Even little Jack Kline, poor baby, has one.  Only the Misha fans demand passionately, as to how we could possibly see anything wrong with this ''smol bean''.  They are very shocked with others for having an anti-Misha tag.  And they get angry with me for not using the anti-Misha tag and blasting his bad behavior in the public domain.  Why should there not be an anti-Misha tag?  And why must you go in there, read all the posts and then complain?  And why must you complain to me about not using the anti-tags?  Hellers are very confusing people.  Anywho, this one, who thinks Misha is ready for sainthood, sent me many messages about a post where I exposed another heller for going into the anti-tags and hijacking the post.  That post is called ''Looking for negativity in the anti-tags and screeching when you find it''.  You can read her drivel there.  This is one of the messages. 

Why is heller hate Misha's fault?

Misha has been on the show for ten years.  In those ten years, Jensen never told him about NJCon?  He never told Misha about Jaxcon?  He never told Misha about the incessant shipping questions that he deals with.  Misha never asked J2 why there is no shipping and sexuality questions allowed at cons?  Really?  I think he did.  And I think Misha said the same thing heller snowflakes say.  "But Jensen, if you don't go along they will call you a bigot."  And they do.  They kicked up such a fuss about it, and mass media became aware of it.  Universities are aware of it.  Jensen's reputation is in tatters.  So Jensen [Misha's best friend, apparently] never told him about the homophobia accusations.  What kind of a person lets his friend roast on a spit like that, but still saying things like this to incite his filthy goons ''Jensen and I don't write much destiel because we live it''.  Oh, it's so funny.  Misha is such a kidder, right? 

One weird thing I noticed about Misha is that he never distracts from destiel.  Even when he was asked about Megstiel, he said two things.  First ''Meg is the only one who ever flirted with Cas, well other than Dean'' [This is queer baiting]  and second ''Cas has eyes only for Dean''.  He actively killed the Megstiel idea despite the fact that it was his only legitimate canon ship, in favor of a non-canon ship.  What a stupid thing to do?  Why would you do that, if you don't have any agenda?  I have noticed he never pushes sastiel, his only other pairing, unless Jared is on stage with him, flirting with him, in good fun.  Because, with Jared right in front of him, he cant push any destiel and he cant ignore sastiel.  But when he is by himself, he doesn't like to push sastiel.  And I always wondered why.  I mean, Jared is sexually a little more brave than Jensen.  Jared is certainly more touchy-feely than Jensen.  Jared is more likely to kiss another guy on the mouth and not blush about it the way Jensen would.  If Misha had pushed sastiel and not destiel, I think Jared would be less shy in helping to make it canon.  Jensen is shy and no, that is not homophobia.

So why not push sastiel.  I think its because when Misha first came to the show.  J2 and wincest were the big pairings.  If he wanted to create a niche, he had to choose one J or the other.  Although,  he stumbled onto destiel first because that is what he said.  But then when you realize that there is another better ship available with a less shy co-star, why not take that one?  Why take the abrasive, difficult one who doesn't want to be touched?  Misha angers me but I would never call him stupid.  He is not stupid.  He was smart enough to intern at the white house.  So the guy is an idiot.  If he goes up against one J, he is essentially competing with the other.  Even though I protect both my boys equally, I am going to do something that the stans will hate.  I am going to pick up faults in the Js.  Just bear with me okay.  I have to do this.  Besides, no human being is flawless.  Jensen is extremely standoffish.  His personality is a litte cold with people he considers strangers.  However, between the two Js, he is the one that has the most recognition in his field.  Jensen has collected many nominations and awards during his acting career than Jared has.  Jared has equal footing with Misha.  Jared and Misha have the same amount of accolades attached to their acting careers. 

Dean is a louder, far more showier character than Sam is.  In fact, despite being of different ''species'', personality-wise Sam and Castiel are very similar.  Jared suffers from clinical depression, and as someone who suffers from a similar condition, I know something obscure about our types.  We are sometimes disheveled creatures.  Unlike Jensen who is healthier and always makes an appearance, with every strand of hair in place, Jared is sometimes completely untidy and wears a beanie.  Sometimes his clothing looks creased.  I can actually gauge how healthy he is during a panel, just by looking at his attire.  Misha is probably not aware of this.  And this is not a critique of his view on mental health.  Although I have receipts of his hellers mocking mental health.  Between the two Js, Jensen is the one who is difficult to compete with, because Misha is going to have to compete with his acting, his character and his looks.  Jared [and by extension Sam] is an easier option. 

Did they discuss destiel in private?

That is a good question.  Have anyone on staff ever discussed destiel.  Because the only one who seems enthusiastic about it, is Misha.  When Jensen was asked but the Dean Cas dynamic at a previous Jib panel, he said that there have not been that many Dean Cas scenes, which he enjoyed, because he felt the Dean Cas thing was getting out of proportion, and he knew he and Misha didn't play their characters like that.  When Misha was notified of this, he exclaimed ''that motherf*cker''.  So you tell me.  Why the discrepancy?  Why is Jensen saying one thing and when Misha is confronted with it, he reacts terribly.  Oh but he's just joking right? 

Misha was told that there was no need to entertain shipping questions.  He waves that rule during his panel and I have noticed at the recent Denvercon, that nobody asked him about destiel so he nonchalantly mentions Cockles.  Why would you do that, but when you are asked a destiel question, you call the shippers perverts?  You are the one encouraging them.  He doesn't respect the destiel shippers.  He uses them to keep him relevant.  What do the other people affiliated with Supernatural say?  Look at their tweets.  Jim Michaels, Guy Norman Bee, Adam Glass, Eric Kripke, Chad Kennedy, Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles all say that there is no destiel.  The only one who says otherwise is Misha Collins.  When Samantha Smith was asked about destiel, she didn't acknowledge it and the fans attacked her on twitter.  Didn't she notify Misha of this?  She kept it to herself?  For what?  The only person who doesn't amend or dispute destiel [as far as I know] is Bob Singer, a slithering snake in the grass, and Sera Gamble's hugest headache whilst she was the show runner.

Does Misha enjoy any harassment that is caused by his meddling?

I have receipts of abusive tweets sent to Jared where he was also tagged.  Jared doesn't respond.  There may be two reasons.  Firstly, unlike Misha, Jared is a full time actor of Supernatural.  He simply doesn't have the time to look through thousands of tweets per day.  I have receipts of Misha reading his tweets and responding to them.  Another equally feasible reason might be that Jared [and I know my condition so I can vouch for this one] has no control over his mouth.  Even though he has the full right to call out bad customer services, there are other tweets that I acknowledge that he shouldn't have sent.  Jared is one of my babies.  But I can acknowledge when he has put himself in a difficult situation.  That is why he constantly says that Jensen tells him ''Dude, you are better than this''.  Jensen even said during a panel ''don't just acknowledge that you will do wrong.  Learn from your mistakes.''  I think Jensen sat Jared down and spoke to him about this.  I think Jared listened because apparently, Jared's online activity has dropped dramatically since.  Personally, I think people like Jared and me shouldn't be on twitter etc.  Its not good for us.  Studies show that SM actually exacerbates depression. 

Jared said, at a recent con, that he is aware that he cant please everyone, so he wont.  I am happy to hear that, because it means heller's online taunts are not messing him up the way they used to.  The biggest proof of Misha's awareness of the situation is William Shatner.  Shatner tweeted that Jared is aware of fans who want him off the show.  Shatner called them out as destiel shippers, and boy did the hellers converge on him for it.  Receipts are on other posts.  So Shatner is friends with Misha, he even participated in Gishwhes, and knows the truth which he blasted on a media outlet, and despite following Shatner and Jared, Misha still doesn't know any of this? Really?  Shatner never spoke to Misha about this?   

So Misha follows Jensen on Twitter, but didn't get an inkling of the filth being spewed at Jensen, only by Misha's fans, because Jensen said Destiel doesn't exist at Jaxcon?  So he read nothing?  And Jensen didn't tell him?  But they are supposed to be good friends, right?  Wouldn't you tell your best friend that you were being bullied by his fans?  What kind of friendship is that?  When Jensen broke down behind the scenes at Jibcon, when he met a fan [that is the officlal explanation] Misha witnessed it, so why would he bring up the same topic when Jensen is on stage, already emotionally fragile.  And then he sits there and watches Jensen fall apart.  It happened in front of his face, backstage.  Why would he pick up the topic again when he is onstage?  If you are such a loving, caring person [and destiel is cockle's fault apparently] why would you do something that heartless.  Fans, including myself, were angry that Daniela came on stage, and poured them brimming glasses of whisky.  She never did that before, to my knowledge.  They had always poured their own drinks and never so much. 

Some people guesstimate that Daniela shipped destiel too, which is why Jibcon was such a ''dance monkey dance'' type of environment.  Remember Misha's fake orgasm and the Hitch dialogue reading.  They didn't choose that.  Jibcon is planned the way it is.  That is probably why 6 months after Jaxcon, Jensen wasn't looking forward to the panel, and he fell apart as soon as it arrived.  Either Daniela poured them alcohol to make Jensen lose his inhibitions more, or she could see that he was tense and wanted him to loosen up.  We may never know because after so many years of Jibcon being seen as a destiel con [a perception she never corrected] after Jensen broke down on stage and Jared cut the panel short, suddenly Jibcon was never a destiel con.  Suddenly she banned shipping questions at Jibcon.  Suddenly the Cockles panel became the J2M panel.  I think Jared told her off after the last Cockles panel.  So suddenly she is neutral now.  And Misha saw none of this?  Really?  He must be the dumbest person ever to have all this happening around him, that he doesn't know.  So he doesn't follow Daniela online?  He didn't see the fighting?  Stop making excuses for him.

[orchestratingkitty]

So I’ve been thinking about this a lot. When I first heard Jensen say Destiel doesn’t exist, I was (like most of the Destiel fandom) pretty hurt. I’ve since seen people attack him, people critique him, people defend him, and people applaud him. So I’m gonna go one-by-one through the most common responses I’ve seen in the past couple days and debunk them.

“He’s cute and hot! How could anyone say he’s a homophobe?”

What the fuck does that have to do with anything? Homophobes don’t look a certain way. You could see an ugly homophobe standing next to a hot as hell homophobe and they’d both be homophobes. The way Jensen Ackles looks doesn’t change the way he is on the inside. Good that we got the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said out of the way.

“He has gay friends/family members, so he isn’t homophobic.”

Uh huh. I once had a discussion with a white dude who loved saying the n word. He loved it. It was his favorite word. He claimed that he had a black friend who was cool with him doing it and thus he used it all the time. The dude had a black friend! Maybe more! Does that change the fact that he was racist? Hell no. There’s actual LGBT+ people out there who have internalized homophobia. If gay people can be homophobic, then why would we dismiss the homophobia of a man who just knows gay people?

“Lots of terrible things happen to him at cons. He’s mistreated.”

This is really true. He is groped and sexually harassed (from what I’ve read) at photo-ops and people ask him uncomfortable questions all the time. This is irrelevant, however. Everyone goes through hard things. Everyone. That doesn’t mean they have the right to say stupid, homophobic shit without consequences. The next time you want to argue on behalf of your favorite actor, do him the justice of making it a relevant and sensible argument.

“He was just stating his opinion.”

Yeah, in the rudest way possible. I’d have much preferred if he answered in the way Jared had when asked about Eileen. “Dean doesn’t room for romance right now” would have been a totally acceptable and neutral way of handling the question. You’re not promising anything and you’re not insulting anybody. The way he answered was beyond stating an opinion - it was rude and that is my main problem with it.

“He gets flustered at cons! He’s shy!”

He has done this before. He’s insulted Destiel before - sometimes to the point where he seemed to support Dean and Cas not having any sort of relationship. He’s never apologized. You know who else is shy? Me. And you guys aren’t gonna say “she gets flustered” before sending me hate for saying this about Jensen. No, you’re gonna attack me anyway. I’m barely an adult and he’s a middle-aged man but you’d be fine with ripping me a new one for critiquing his PR skills. That makes sense.

“Destiel is a fanservice ship.”

No, it isn’t. It’s the exact opposite. People ship Destiel because Cas and Dean have practically tangible chemistry and if one of them were a chick, they’d have banged a long time ago. Don’t fight me on this - it’s true. The biggest argument against it being fanservice is the fact that fans aren’t getting anything they want. They get queerbaiting instead. As I’ll discuss later, you cannot compare the average straight ship with a queer ship. They’re not the same. They don’t get canon/debunked for the same reasons. They’re not treated the same by the creators so we as fans can’t lose sight of their differences either. Hello? Homophobia exists? Jesus, you’d think this goes without saying.

“People shouldn’t ask ship related questions anyway.”

I’ve seen this one debunked already, but I feel like it needs to be said more to get into some people’s thick skulls. I guess I agree. The cast is not responsible for deciding where the story will go. They do not decide which ship becomes canon or not and even though they have views of where a character’s mindset is at times, they can’t be the final authority. I honestly couldn’t care less if Jensen is made uncomfortable by these questions, though. Mainly this is because he isn’t uncomfortable with people talking about straight ships or even about Dean fucking his car. Honestly? Getting “flustered” by a question about a queer ship is fucking pathetic. Jensen. You’re a grown ass man. Grow up. You’re not Dean. No one is accusing you of not being a straight man, okay? No need to be so defensive. Your masculinity isn’t being called into question, so you can put away your macho act and be a human being again, okay?

“Destiel doesn’t exist.”

Where? On the show? Maybe not. They are fictional characters, if that’s what you mean. No, it isn’t real. Neither is Dean Winchester. Neither is Castiel. None of it exists, in reality. But in regards to the fictional realm, what Jensen said was stupid because it simply wasn’t true. Destiel does exist. Thousands of fans interpret Cas and Dean’s relationship to be romantic and thus, to some extent, it exists. I wasn’t gonna say anything about queerbaiting, but the amount of unscripted touching between the two on the show should raise eyebrows now if it doesn’t exist. But if it really and truly doesn’t exist then where is all the defensiveness coming from? Why are people wasting their time making anti-blogs about it, if there’s no threat of it becoming canon? Why are people so passionate about hating it if it isn’t real? You guys do all the arguing for me, don’t you?

This isn’t a common argument, but you get this a lot: “Good job, Jensen, for telling those Destihellers off.”

Jensen Ackles, this is a warning. You’re getting yourself associated with the wrong sort. You do not want people to think you’re warming up to them, I promise. It is probably the shittiest PR move you could make, aligning yourself with homophobes. Don’t be proud of what you said. It was rude and cold and you were insulting a lot of the SPNfamily in the process. No one is saying you have to support Destiel, but this is disgusting.

Okay - here it goes (this has to be said):

It’s been five days since Trump was inaugurated into the presidency and he’s already promised to eliminate LGBT+ rights by placing FADA on his list of priorities. Jensen, you shouldn’t have said anything that could be construed as homophobic. Queer kids all over the country are terrified of how they’ll be treated in the future if FADA gets passed. Right now, you should be supporting these kids, helping them trust themselves, helping them feel assured. Instead, you’re bashing what a lot of people like me are clinging to. You can argue I’m just distracting from the argument, but this is relevant. Jensen is American. He knows what’s going on. Within days of Trump’s inauguration (was it two days after? I don’t remember.), he’s put salt on a wound.

It’s rare to find an LGBT+ character on TV who isn’t a goddamn stereotype. Bi and trans characters are especially hard to find. Bi characters are often ridiculously one-dimensional - a bi girl has a threesome, a bi guy is hiding that he’s actually gay. A lot of bi people like me love that Dean (who we interpret to be bisexual) is not a stereotype. He isn’t what straight people look at and think of as “gay” or “bi”. We cling to him because we’re living in a world where even people in the LGBT+ community can be biphobic. And Jensen just spat in our faces.

Speaking of, can all you non-bi or pan LGBT+ folk please stop using that when defending him? As in, please stop saying “as an LGBT+ person, y’all are overreacting”. If you’re not bi, this might not hurt you as much. I’ve seen gay people actually say “Destiel wouldn’t do anything for gay representation”. In actuality, we’re aiming for bi representation and seeing as you’re gay you have no right to say what would or wouldn’t help in terms of representation. I’m bi and I’m not overreacting. Other bi people out there who had their hearts broken aren’t overreacting. Though, as LGBT+, you should be concerned too. This is about a lot more than just a ship, guys. Thanks to homophobia, not all ships are created equal, and straight ships are not the same as queer ones.

I used to watch Gossip Girl when I was in middle school (embarrassing, I know). Every possible combination of straight ships had at some point become canon - even the more far-fetched ones. Every single one. I’ve since started disliking the show, but it is a useful comparison. No one complains when people bring up Dean/Amara (which was canonically nonconsensual) or Dean/Lisa at cons. They’re ships, too! I thought ships weren’t an appropriate topic at cons? Or is it okay because they’re straight? Is it okay because they actually have a shot? The fact that queer ships are clung onto so desperately due to the likelihood of them never coming true is tragic. We shouldn’t be afraid to say we ship something gay. We shouldn’t be afraid to bring it up in conversation. We should feel the same wobbly uncertainty that is inspired by straight ships. It should be a question of “will they won’t they” (and not in a queerbaiting way) instead of a feeling of “well, I know because it’s gay it’ll never happen but I still think it’s cute.” Most fan-favorite straight ships become canon in some way or another (across the board, in all TV shows) while queer ships are sneered at and thought of as taboo (the fact that Dean/Elena - a ridiculous straight crack ship - gets less hate and question marks than Destiel is a pretty good example of this. Honestly, you guys are fucking sad sometimes).

Why do we have to give up or surrender our ship just because it’s gay? That’s bullshit and I refuse.

I’m not saying Jensen is homophobic, I guess. Don’t attack me for it (or if you do, don’t use any of the arguments I’ve refuted. You’ll look like an idiot). He is obviously uneducated in regards to this. His comment was thoughtless and ignored context and timing. He said something rude that hurt people for all sorts of reasons. He has room to grow and if he does come forward and patch this up, I’ll be the first one to cry tears of joy. I’m against people sending him hate or death threats. Please don’t. Not only is that disgusting, but it sure as hell doesn’t convince him that we’re reasonable people who just want their ship acknowledged.

Also, if someone accuses you of being homophobic, instead of being defensive, maybe think of why they’d say so, and fix that.

Don’t be too quick to defend him. He’s an adult. He can do that himself. All you LGBT+ people out there shouldn’t be apologizing for him, either. Stand by those of us who are genuinely and rightfully hurt. What he said isn’t okay and nobody who’s hurt here is overreacting. If you think this isn’t a big deal, you’re not looking at the whole picture. There is a war being fought in regards to LGBT+ representation in media and someone claiming that gay-shippers are delusional is not helping.

I’m actually hoping that this will receive 0 notes and no one will see it. Like I’ve said, I’m super shy and I don’t really wanna tag this with anything someone will find but at the same time, it annoys me how this has gotten brushed over. I’m posting so late because it took a while for me to actually process my thoughts into something comprehensible.

[theapplesweremonitored]

Hi there! I had a question. So, I'm on the fence about pro-life/pro-choice. Women's bodies are their own and they should have a say in what happens to them. But...At the same time, they're pregnant with a to-be baby. And I'd really like to see know someone else's view. Like, I said. I'm on the fence and I just want someone else's opinion on the matter. That's, if you don't mind talking about it.

That’s cool, I don’t mind at all! In fact, here’s a few other posts that may be of interest to you and have really shaped my own perceptions.

Tbh, I’m not the most unbiased or, uh, sensitive of people to ask about this, but I suppose that’s the point and I’ll do my best to answer in a way that doesn’t devolve into ranting. (Edit: this got very long and kind of rambling, but hopefully it doesn’t come off as mean.)

First off we need to establish that I’m asexual, aromantic, at times agender, and have less than zero desire to be a part of any stage of the human reproductive process. In all honesty, pregnancy is a very special kind of body-horror to me, and that likely factors into my reaction to the self-styled “pro-life” side. Because, when you get right down to it, much of the “pro-life” side isn’t pro-life, it’s pro-fetus.

You’d think if a person was pro-life, they’d care about, say: the homeless epidemic, or how America likes to march into foreign countries and murder a shit-ton of people, or all the queer/lgbt+ people who are victims of hate crimes. They’d care about people of color who are murdered by the police every day, or the thousands of kids abused by a system meant to protect them, or women (and, of course, others) who are victims of domestic violence or rape culture. But the thing is, a lot of them aren’t.

Because, like I said, a lot of them only care about the fetus, and care nothing for the woman* who’s carrying it. Once that baby is born, they cease giving a fuck because obviously if it’s been born, then their job is done, and they don’t care what happens next. They don’t care if those women carrying the fetus was raped, or got drunk and didn’t use protection, or did absolutely everything “right” and still got pregnant. They don’t care that those women don’t want to be pregnant; those women don’t want to give up forty weeks of their life to what (when you think about it clinically) amounts to a parasite; those women don’t want to give birth; those women don’t want to be responsible for raising a child, and often don’t have the means to do it right.

A frighteningly large amount of “pro-lifers” are white Christians who refuse to acknowledge the complexities of pregnancy, childbirth, and child-rearing. They argue that “life begins at conception” but say nothing about the life or lives that may be ruined by that conception (and subsequent birth). They use the Bible to justify forcing women to carry an unwanted fetus to term, and then also use it to justify hate crimes against queer/LGBT+ people, discriminatory treatment of PoC, and the general subjugation of women. Oh, and we can’t ever forget the Islamophobia and general air of xenophobia that usually accompanies them as well.

In essence, a more accurate description of the pro-life side is anti-choice, because that’s what it comes down to.

Listen, I don’t mean to be a dick about this.

I get that you haven’t made up your mind and that the idea of terminating a potential human being (and I stress this word because like 90% of abortions take place during the first trimester, when it is more accurate to call it an embryo) probably squicks you out.

I totally understand that.

But it’s important to be aware that for a lot of people on the anti-choice side, their little crusade is just another way to express their bigotry and their hatred of women, often queer/LGBT+ women and women of color.

Story time:

My grandmother on my mom’s side got pregnant out of wedlock when she was sixteen. That became my Aunt Dawn (for whom I was named) and she’s the sweetest, most well-meaning woman… maybe not in the world, but that I’ve ever met, certainly. But guess what? Grandma Kathy didn’t want her. She was sixteen, she made a dumbass decision, and didn’t want to have a kid. But you know what her parents did? They told her they were taking her to get an abortion, bundled her up in the car, drove several states away, and dropped her at a “home for fallen women.” They didn’t tell her where they were leaving her, or for how long, or anything. Just that she could come back “home” later. “Later” meaning after she gave birth to my Aunt Dawn.

Listen, I love my Aunt Dawn. Out of literally all of my family, and hoo-boy there’s a lot of them on either side, she’s basically the only one that I even like, let alone love. But my grandma didn’t want my Aunt Dawn and she shouldn’t have been forced to have her. She shouldn’t have been lied to and abandoned and blackmailed into having and raising a child. And it took a toll on her, let me assure you.

Okay, I like my grandma well enough, okay? But she isn’t exactly the healthiest person, she doesn’t have the healthiest relationships, and doesn’t make the healthiest decisions. She’s had five daughters and two sons by several different men, she’s poor and unemployed, and I’m pretty sure she’s had some issues with drinking.

If I were able to go back in time and help her get an abortion, I fucking would. Even knowing that it would mean that me and my sisters and my nephew and my mom and my Aunt Dawn wouldn’t exist, I would still do it. (It sounds terrible, but I don’t care much about my uncles and cousins. They’re all a bunch of fucked up assholes.)

And now let’s talk about my sisters. I have a lot. I have one who got pregnant in her senior year of high school and had to drop out; my nephew is going to be four now in a few months and she’s only just gotten a job that pays a living wage.

I have another who’s currently pregnant and with the guy who knocked her up even though he’s and idiot and an asshole and makes her cry; I fear for the future of both her and the kid that’s on the way because those futures are not gonna be fuckin pretty.

I have two (adopted) sisters who are actually sisters themselves; only half, though, because their dad is a piece of shit who couldn’t keep it in his damn pants and didn’t even try. He’s in prison now and blames his parents for everything that’s gone wrong in his life, up to and including the fact that he isn’t fit to take care of his kids. (I know this because he’s my step-dad’s kid and sent a long series of texts to that effect to my mom a few months ago.) My new little sisters’ moms are both drug addicts who couldn’t be trusted with their daughters. And, of course, my sisters have another sister by another woman (who’d also had drug problems but is now clean and takes care of her daughter) and a brother that I don’t know much about.

And then, of course, there’s my other sisters on the other side of things, who are desperate to have children. I have one who’s been trying with her husband for a couple of years now, who’s had fertility treatments and has visited multiple doctors to try to figure out what’s up with her junk, because we know it’s something but don’t know what. She’s slated for some kind of surgery soon.

I’ve also got another sister, my oldest, who wants kids. She just got married to an old friend of hers who I had never even heard of until I was invited to the wedding. She stayed in a relationship with an abusive ex-Navy Seal for years because he kept dangling the possibility of having kids with her like a fucking carrot. They had physical fights, she had to take all kinds of medication for anxiety and shit, and liked to combine them with alcohol because being in a relationship with him was such a fucking trial on her psyche.

My immediate family alone pretty much runs the gamut of reproductive experiences, barring (to my knowledge) sexual assault and the fact that (to my knowledge) they’re all cis.

What I’m saying is: there’s a lot of shit out there. A lot. There’s girls who got pregnant on accident, and never even consider abortion. There’s girls who got pregnant on accident, and never got access to abortion. There’s girls who want to get pregnant but can’t because of medical reasons. There’s girls who want to get pregnant and men use that to abuse and manipulate them.

I support all of them. I support those that never consider abortions; I support those that want abortions; I support those that want to carry to term; I support those that are desperate to get pregnant in the first place. I support each and every one of them, for all that I am completely unable to empathize with those that want kids in the first place.

I support them because, even though I have no idea what any of that must feel like, it’s their choice and I respect that. Anti-choicers, pro-lifers, whatever you wanna call them, they don’t respect that. They treat pregnancy like it’s the be-all and end-all of human existence and experience. They treat women who get pregnant and want to abort as if they’re stupid, irresponsible, the devil himself, etc.

Now, if you’ve made it all this way, then I’d like to apologize for all the detours and digressions and also congratulate you on getting through them all. As you may have noticed, I’ve got some thoughts on the subject in general as well as some tangentially-personal experience. What it all boils down to is this: while it may affect us, while it may impact the course of our lives, unless it is us who is the one who is pregnant, it’s not our decision. We can have opinions; we can offer advice; we can counsel the one who is pregnant. But, when it comes right down to it, the only one who gets to make the decision of whether to carry to term or abort, is the one who is pregnant.

And, to me, that’s all there is to it.

*not everyone who becomes pregnant is a woman and may be instead nonbinary/genderqueer or a man who was assigned female at birth. However, I very much doubt that someone who cares very little or (more likely) absolutely nothing for a person’s body autonomy will care anything for respecting their gender identity.