#my enby aunt/uncle suggested that since my first name means god i should do a demon name for my middle name

[diah-the-demon]

I rlly need to come up with a middle name

[frogsandfries]

I don't want to be a mom

I think, so far, until I've put something that came out of my womb next to my heart, I've never wanted to be a mom.

But for the longest time, I've wanted to be a parent. There are certainly suggestions in existence for gender-neutral parental titles. I think most of them end up sounding like a name instead of a title. Zaza? Or all those various portmanteaus of the various mother and father titles--mama/papa, mom/dad, mother/father. Or, I heard once ren/renny/rent. Renny sounds like a name; I would say rent is a little too slangy for me.

My dad wants to transition. But they've been my dad for twenty.......(__)....(almost thirty.... >.> dammit) years. My dad just IS my dad. They've been cross-dressing since I was like twelve, but they've always been dad. My point being, titles are important.

For example, if I was allowed to be around my nieces, my very conservative sister probably wouldn't be okay with me deciding, if the girls have to refer to me by a title, instead of just my name, I don't want to be aunt/ant/auntie/anty. I would rather be niby/nibby. Titles are important, and as a parent-sibling, I don't want to be an aunt. But I'm definitely not an uncle.

I mentioned to my younger sister yesterday, parents should be role models. We, of all the people we know, would understand that. Not to diminish the possibility that others we've come to know since leaving our small-town deathtrap have or have not faced similarly difficult trials, been similarly fucked up by the people who were supposed to role model to us.

Even the gender neutral "cenn", apparently from "cennend", sounds a bit like a name. I started toying with variations on "role model". Usually, when humans start talking, the "r" sound is difficult to convey. It can come out as half the other consonants in the alphabet. Ro-mo could come out wo-mo, mo-mo, bo, do. Even mo-mo could sound like a name.

Maybe I'll give birth to someone, or even as early as feeling them kick, and that'll be the catalyst. I've already decided what I want to call them. It works for all points on the gender spectrum, so my child won't feel put into a box by their name. Maybe getting to know them will be a catalyst. Maybe my co-parent will help me find a title.

Brief tangent, but does the word "petrichor" as a name put the child into any personality boxes? It's a rather obscure word, even after Doctor Who. It means blood of the gods, not that I'm trying to sound like my child is going to be an incredible, amazing human. The word refers to the smell of earth after it rains for the first time after dry weather, and that's why it feels like a more subtle, taken for granted but also subtly appreciated word. Also, as far as I know, it's not already a word in use as a name. It's also not weird on the level of "Apple" or "Blue Rose" or......... "North West".

I think it leaves the field wide open for personality, apart from the associations built from the sounds that make up the name?

Anyway, yes I know, it's a weird name. Who knows, unless I end up using the power of capitalism to get pregnant, I'll probably have to run my choice of name by a partner when we get there.

For myself, I'm somewhere between mo-mo, which is fairly similar to mama, and a sound a child would naturally produce when they're starting to babble, and enby/enbie, which refers to "NB". Jeekiou/GQ doesn't really role off the tongue with the same subtly.

Anyway, those are some musings. Now body stuff and stitching time.