#my dogs favorite food is milk

[voidspeaker]

there’s always so many more tongues on me than I necessarily want in life

you may think this is gay but it’s actually just my dogs being a nuisance at any and all given times

[badjokesbyjeff]

What Pets Write in their diaries 

Excerpt from a Dog's Diary.........8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpt from a Cat's Diary...Day 983 of my captivity....My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously stupid. The bird has got to be an informant.I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...for now.

[yourstru1y4ever]

Day 12 - "You remembered?"

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader Word Count: 599 Content: Fluff! Reader is allergic to milk (sorry fam) Tuna-Tober 2024 Masterlist <- check out the other fics posted this month!

A/N: And here’s day 12! It’s a little bit short but that’s because of how much I wrote for day 11 so forgive me about the length. Also this is totally self indulgent because I have a lot of severe food allergies (more than 5) and I just figured Matt would be like one of those dogs who can smell an allergen on a food. I wrote this very quickly and it's not beta read so I apologize for any mistakes!

It’s a busy night in Josie’s bar, it was lucky that you, Matt, Foggy and Karen were able to get a booth with how crowded it is. There was barely any standing room and you could tell the noise was starting to get to Matt.

“I’ll get us some drinks,” Foggy stands up and starts to squeeze his way towards the bar.

“Our usuals please Fog!” Karen calls out, “It’s been one hell of a week.”

“You’re telling me.” Matt responds and you smile, “At least it’s the weekend now, we can relax just a little bit.” You lean against Matt and he chuckles.

“Just for a bit.” He wraps his arm around your torso and brings you closer to him to kiss you on your check.

“Ew,” Karen teases, “Get your PDA outta here.” She points towards the exit and you both laugh.

A few minutes later Foggy comes back with a tray of drinks for you all, he and Matt have the cheapest beers known to man, a rum and coke for Karen and an espresso martini for you.

You’ve been trying your best to stay up longer at night for Matt when he goes out on his patrols, so far you’ve only been awake the one night he came back, most other nights you’re barely half awake or just asleep on the couch.

As Foggy hands you your drink, you notice Matt looking confused, “What’s wrong?”

“Your drink smells different,”

“Maybe Josie used decaf or something.” You joke, bringing the drink up to your lips.

“Wait!” Matt quickly takes the glass out of your hands, bringing the drink close up to his nose, “You can’t have this.”

“Aw what? Matt, come on!” Karen says.

You give Matt a questioning look before he takes a sip of your drink, “Yeah there’s milk in this.”

“What?” Foggy spits out his drink and looks over at you, “Did you drink it?”

“No I didn’t I- wait you remembered?”

“Your milk allergy? Of course sweetheart, why wouldn’t I?” He looks at you with concern.

Karen gasps, “Was it because of a shitty ex or something? Spill.”

“No it’s just-” You look down at your hands, “People usually forget about my allergy and I don’t blame them. It can be hard to remember sometimes.”

“It’s not hard to remember,” Matt tells you, “It’s worth remembering to keep you safe.” He takes your hand in his and gives it a small squeeze. You smile at him and nod your head in thanks.

“Hey, I’ll get you a new drink. Want anything in particular, aside from an espresso martini?” Karen asks as she gets out of the booth. 

“Let’s see how Josie does on a margarita,” You say to Karen and she laughs walking up to the bar.

Foggy gestures over towards Matt, “Just be sure to have your little allergen checker make sure it’s safe for you alright?”

Matt grins, “I wouldn't want it any other way.”

Karen soon comes back with your favorite flavor of margarita and before she hands it to you she gives it to Matt. 

After a moment he sets the drink down, lips forming a thin line. 

“Well?”

“. . .It’s safe,” “Matthew!!” Foggy cries out, “How dare you put us on edge like that?!”

Matt grins, “It was a funny,”

Foggy crosses his arms and glares at Matt, “. . . yeah it was a little funny.” 

You grab your margarita and start drinking along with everyone else, thankful to have a group of loved ones who care about your food allergies and are careful of what they have around you.

[brooke-likesmusic]

My outsiders head cannons because idk im bored (warning I’ll prolly misspell things!)

Darry:

1: When he was younger he used to play in the mud with Pony and soda and they would go back into the house and their mom would kick them out and would have to spray them down with a hose

2: (after the book) Darry and pony had gotten into a argument like brothers do and Darry Couldng handle it anymore and broke down in tears in front of both his brothers.

3: he has nightmares sometimes and they cause him to wake up in a panic and he would always have to check up on pony and soda to make sure they were okay

4: idk why some people like make him seem like a Facebook mom who likes minion memes and dad jokes. HES BARELY 20 YEARS OLD. He would probably say the most unfiltered ass shit in a group chat 😭

5: he gets those random urges to like kick or playfully hit pony or soda (I do that 😣)

6: ate rotten food once and work and got sick and his boss had to drive the boy home since he was so sick

7: will probably work himself till he makes himself sick like he Wont stop himself till someone stops him

8: hates seeming like a parent more then a older brother sometimes when the boys need reminders that Darry is still their brother Darry will start a game of tag and all the brothers will run around the house. (When they did that when their parents were alive they knocked down a special vase and they all got whooped)

9 : likes cats. He has a stray cat at work that he shares his lunch with he named it “kitty cat” sooooo creative righttt

10: doesn’t like ham (idk that just randomly appeared in my mind)

Extra: used to bite as a child and gags when those chunks of food in the sink hits his hands

Soda

1: stinks like car oil and pony will not allow him to get into the bed till he showers

2: likes grilled cheeses (me too bro)

3: he once caught Darry having a panic attack and didn’t really know what to do since he’s never really saw his brother like Cry like that so he was awkwardly comforting him😭

4: makes Radom sounds like with his mouth and it’s makes the others tweak

5: gets dates mixed up really easily

6: after Darry slapped pony, soda in a fit of like idk rage punched Darry square in the face.

7: WILL forget to clean under his fingernails.

8: Darry ate his food once and soda ignored him for the rest of the night. Anytime Darry Tried to talk to him soda would give him a snooty face and would cross his arms and say “mhmp”

9: cries when he watches dog movies (like all dogs go to heaven or a dogs purpose or a dogs way home)

10: has the most NASTIEST converse and refuses to clean them

Ponyboy

1: can only cook eggs he cannot cook anything else 😭

2: loves chocolate milk (I think that’s in the book)

3: tried Darry’s coffee once and almost threw up since it was so bitter

4: likes to race Darry since they were both in sports that involved a lot of running

5: stole one of Darry’s old sweatshirts and REFUSES to give it back. He loves that sweatshirt it’s like 2 sizes to big for him

6: (after the book) had a huge growth spurt after the book like it wasn’t even funny😭

7: since Darry and soda are such deep sleepers pony once drew like a “rocketship” and all those other things teenage boys draw he drew it on his brothers faces😣

8: chews his nails

9: has/had a crush on a soc girl and got teased by the gang relentlessly

10: (if it was like modern day idk) he would love headphones/airpods

Dallas

1: got chased by a dog and is forever traumatized from

2: would prolly stink like beer and sweat

3: bro can sleep through a tornado

4: bro prolly has the most greasiest hair

5: bro has a laugh that makes everyone else laugh

6: (before the Curtis parents died) dally finally made Darry sneak out with him and they ended up getting pulled up on by Mr Curtis and they both ended up getting in so much trouble 😭

7: made a your mom joke to the Curtis brothers and ended up getting jumped 😣

8: like those bland ass Cheerios

9: favorite fruit is cherries

10: bro will flip his underwear inside out and backwards since his nasty ass don’t wanna waste the time to wash the clothes

Steve

1: gets mad and when Darry doesn’t make chocolate cake 😣

2: bro will make himself at home at the Curtis house that couch practically as a ass imprint from him

3: likes strawberry shortcake (that’s his favorite dessert)

4: has so much beef with ponyboy they diss eachother anytime they get to

5: bro will HOG the bed if you share it with him

(Sorry his is kinda short 😣)

Two-bit

1: lost his Mickey Mouse shirt in the washer and thought he lost it forever

2: has a younger sister (protective brother)

3: knows how to braid hair

4: tried to recreate Darry’s infamous chocolate cake and he failed miserably 😭

5: he was really mad at Darry when pony ran away. When he found out he said straight in Darry’s face “good brother my ass.”

6: favorite Disney princess is belle (idk why I thought of that)

7: when he’s actually like serious the gang like tenses up a bit

8: knows all the drama from his younger sister he had beef with little kids he’s never even met

His lil sister: “yeah and Shelly and David are dating when she knew David was my crush and I told her too”

Two-bit: “I don’t like Shelly or David 🙄”

Johnny

1: (when the Curtis parents were alive) he once ran to the Curtis house after his father hit him super hard and Mrs Curtis took him in for the night giving him a hot meal and a warm shower and some clean clothes.

2: whenever he needs to crash somewhere he has a designated pallet that he sleeps on in the Curtis house

3: likes m&m popcorn

4: chews the side of his nails

5: can go days without eating

6: bro needs to wash that Jean jacket

(SORRY HIS IS SO SHORT)

[sil3ntfr34k]

Postal dude 2 boyfriend headcanons

• Mans is RANCID but you still love him <33

• Even with how sassy and sarcastic as he is, he still has a soft spot for you. Isn't very good as showing it, but he does little things here and there to show his love for you

• Y'all probably met during one of his errands his wife made him run, bumping into each other in line while he was getting milk. He was very surprised that someone is actually talking to him and not cussing him out. Y'all chatted it up before you had to pay for your items and leave, leaving him alone once again

• He would be lying if he said he didn't follow you home like some creep to find out where you live so he could 'check-in' on you periodically

• After a handful of conversations and hang outs, he can't seem to stop thinking about you. Even while still married to his current wife, he'd still fantasize about being married to you instead

• He eventually does divorce his bitch wife so he can have a life with you. This doesn't bother the bitch anyway since she was already cheating on him with Mike J,,,

• Once you two start dating you get to see a softer, more gentle side of Dude. Where he was once a crass and inconsiderate, he has become more understanding and loving. He's surprisingly clingy!

• Before you moved in with Dude (or he moves in with you, whatever you like best) he would always hang out at your place anyway. Hell, he'd even bring over Champ just so he could have both his favorite things with him at the same time.

• (Champ is literally his son he gave birth to, no one can tell him otherwise. Sure Dude can be a little mean to Champ, but what parent doesn't get annoyed of their kids now and then??)

• If Dude moved in with you, then Champ gets upgraded to a house dog and no longer has to rough it outside since his bitch ex-wife didn't like pets. Also Dude still has his trailer and all, but it's more of a 'back-up house' or storage.

• No matter if he moved in with you or you moved in with him. he lets you decorate however you'd like. he's pretty adaptable to most environments since he moved around to a lot of different places growing up. Of course he's still messy and smells, but he tries JUST A LIL harder for you

• "Sorry babe, but my crack comes first."

• Please be understanding of this. He's been through a lot and it helps with a lot of his problems. From his chronic pains throughout his body to his schizophrenic episodes, being unsober helps him relax

• Dude is really nervous about telling you about his schizophrenia. His ex-wife always made his episodes worse by yelling at him that he's crazy or something, so he dreads having to tell you. What if you don't understand? What if you get weirded-out and leave him?? What if you start to see him as a burden?? Oh god what is he supposed to do if you want him to leave?????

• Underneath his cocky and confident facade, he's actually incredibly insecure and scared. Even just the tiniest bit of rejection or negative action from you is like this roman empire. He had stopped caring about what his ex-wife thought of him long before the divorce so nothing she did or said really affected him. But you. Your too special to him. He hangs off your every word

• Dates with him are very,,, intimate? Not in the way you might think of, more of in a 'It's just us' way. He's not exactly a people person so he doesn't want to even see other people while on a date with you

• He probably lands on something like a dinner and a show at home or playing some video games while eating all the junk food in the world together. To be fair, there's not exactly a 'nice' area in Paradise, so most couples just stay inside for things like this anyway.

• No matter what y'all end up doing, you better believe you have his undivided attention. All you got do is say the magic word ("now") and he will give it to you on a silver platter

• Even with how good of a boyfriend he seems to be, Dude is NOT Mr. Perfect. Dude has his bad habits and red-flags too.

• During heated arguments Dude can and will throw something at you, might even threaten to kill you tbh. Watch ur step bc that gun is always loaded with the safety off. Doesn't help he's trigger happy too,,,

• Dude also needs his alone time. Yesyesyes he loves you dearly, but the man still needs his space. Isn't afraid to say something like "Hey I gotta go do something, be back babe" and proceed to just lay in bed for 3 hours (Postal Dude bedrotting)

• It's very hard to get Postal Dude to open up about ANYTHING. Like, after being together for 5 years AND being engaged, your barely learning about his strange and very illegal family tree. Come to think of it, you never even knew he had parents. Yea you know he has to have a mom and dad, but you don't know if they're any good or still in his life.

• During a manic/depressive/crack-endued/schizophrenic episode, he makes it very hard for you to be there for him. He doesn't mean to do this, but it's not like can help it. To you, he's just acting-out, but to him, everyone is trying to hurt him and he's not safe anywhere. Suddenly it's like he's a totally different person, constantly running away from you and hiding. Honestly it might be best for you to just wait it out, maybe offer him some comforting words but still stay away.

• Overall, Postal Dude is a bumbling idiot who just wants to feel accepted by someone

[bluelocksource]

Michael Kaiser’s trivia (src: EGOIST BIBLE 2)

☆ Character's color: Metallic Blue.

☆ Weapon : Kaiser Impact.

☆ Birthday: 25th December.

☆ Current age: 19 (at the start of NEL).

☆ Zodiac: Capricorn.

☆ Nickname: "Blue Rose Emperor"

☆ Birthplace: Berlin, Germany.

☆ Family: Father. Himself.

☆ Current height: 186 cm.

☆ Foot size: 28 cm.

☆ Dominant foot: Right.

☆ Blood type: A.

☆ Visual acuity: 0.9 in both eyes.

☆ Grip strength: 80 kg.

☆ Motto: "Become the symbol of impossibility."

☆ Team: Bastard München.

☆ Starts playing football: At age 15.

☆ Interest: Psychology, philosophy, and human behavior principles.

☆ Favorite food: Rusk made from the crust of bread. "When I was a kid, I used to get those from a local sandwich shop before they were thrown away. They’re really good, whether sweet or garlic-flavored." 

☆ Dislike/hated food: Milk. "It reminds me of unpleasant things. Plus, I just hate the smell. It’s gross."

☆ What goes best with rice:  "I don’t really eat rice. Let me know what’s good. "

☆ Favorite animal: Stray dogs.

☆ Favorite season: Winter. "I feel at home with the loneliness."

☆ Favorite movie: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

☆ Favorite music: "Desperado" by Eagles.

☆ Frequently used app: Healthcare app. "Every morning I would measure my pulse to feel alive through numbers."

☆ Favorite football player: None.

☆ Favorite subject: "I haven't really attended school, so I don't know."

☆ Weak subject: "I don’t know because I haven’t been to school."

☆ Mushroom shoots vs Bamboo shoots: "What’s that about? Chocolate? Mushroom will do."

☆ Ideal type: "Someone who is beautiful, smart and affectionate."

☆ Fixation: Despair. "I want to experience the deep immersion of that person."

☆ What would make him happy: Being targeted. "The thought of eliminating them gives me a thrill."

☆ What would make him upset: Presents. "I don’t know how to react, and I really don’t want them. Just go away." 

☆ What he thinks his strength is: “The ability to look down on all 'humans'."

☆ What he thinks his weakness is: “My crazy bed hair. I wake up really poorly.”

☆ What made him cry recently: “When I choked myself, tears came out. I laughed when I saw my face in the mirror.”

☆ Usual sleeping hour: 8 hours (7 hours + 1 hour)

☆ Number of chocolates received from previous Valentine: 800. "Apparently, they were delivered to the team clubhouse."

☆ Place he washes first when taking a bath: Left chest.

☆ What will he do if received 100 million yen: "I don't really care. I guess I'll buy a rose garden."

☆ At what age he stops receiving presents from Santa: "Such things never arrived. That kind of thing doesn’t exist."

☆ What was his last wish from Santa: Freedom.

☆ How he spent his holiday:  "Take a leisure shower, read, think about the people I want to kill and myself, then take a dump and go to sleep."

☆ What will he do during his last day on Earth: "Regret. I think there were other ways to live. If tomorrow were the last day, I’d feel that way."

☆ Favorite historical figure: Nietzsche, Freud, Napoleon. "I want to talk to these three."

☆ If he hadn't encountered soccer, what will he be doing: Crime. Starve to death.

☆ If he could only take one thing to a deserted island, what would it be: "My soccer ball."

☆ If he had a time machine, would he go to the past or the future: The future. "There’s no salvation in the past, so the future is better. I want to see if there’s no salvation in the future either."

note: i want to apologize in advance for any mistake made in the translation!

[heeliopheelia]

What are some things that enha's s/o would side eye then for? 😋

Ngl I cackled while making these up

I'm sorry but HEESEUNG will wear his socks until the holes in them start taking up more space than the actual fabric itself. So let's say that the first time he invites you over, you have a nearly full on view on this man's dogs 😭

As much as I love to perceive JAY as a very attentive and understanding boyfriend, the first thing he asks whenever you say that your head hurts is "well did you drink enough water today, darling?"... Your glare always makes him wish he just kept his mouth shut

I feel like JAKE is such a sports fan but like in the least cool way as possible. My boy gets so riled up while watching football games, he literally stands up and yells at the TV every twenty seconds and always complains that HE could do so much better on the field than the actual professional football players. It's safe to say that whenever you're hanging out at his place and there's a game about to start, you don't stick around for too long 💀🫶

You know how the girls on tiktok make fun of how men apply their chapsticks? Well yeah, SUNGHOON is one of these men. I'm talking like all lips pursed awkwardly, aggressively rubbing the chapstick and literally missing half of his lips in the result

Omfg SUNOO is 100% the type of a person to notoriously sing the wrong lyrics to like the easiest songs, so when the two of you are singing your lungs out while driving in a car... yeah this shuts you up pretty quickly

JUNGWON help this bro will literally eat the most random food combinations ever – I mean ones that literally make your stomach hurt solely by looking at it. You're absolutely convinced that this man's digestive system is indestructible by now because how...?? The one that was your last straw was drowning his hot cheetos in milk ✋

The one time that you visited his hometown, NIKI decided to show you his favorite spot in there. The two of you sat in a train and he got so invested in a random interactive add on his phone that he missed your destined train stop and basically ignored you for solid seven minutes as he tried to download the game with his lousy wifi

[toysrguts]

smiling friends headcanons!! :D

i have smiling friends brainrot

allan:

•wine is his de-stresser. after a long shift he likes to go home and sip on a glass of wine while watching shit TV like some kind of cool guy

•doesn't smoke cigarettes often but will bum one off of charlie sometimes during their breaks

•bites people he loves :)

•perhaps his dr. monsters appointment with dr. monster was an appointment to assess him for OCD

•very very particular about the way he likes things and hates unexpected change in his routine

•also a math god he's like a walking calculator

•always helping other people reach things that they cant

•he has to be like 6’3 or something probably

•autism be damned my boy can work a grill (he can cook really well)

•in fact hes often the one cooking meals for the other smiling friends

•he also lovessss to garden its one of his favorite hobbies

•he grows his own vegetables to cook with and flowers to decorate his home :)

•i feel like this man would get down to some queen or duran duran

•he’ll listen to pretty much anything but i feel like he would gravitate towards 80s classics

•used to own a car that he loved but it broke down and he never bought another one

•went to school for engineering and started volunteering at smiling friends after graduating as kind of a placeholder job, but loved it so much it became his full time job

•cheese is his safe food

•had to wear glasses when he was younger but felt like they deterred the ladies so he switched to wearing contacts

•probably drinks black coffee like a fucking freak

•either that or he adds oat milk

•hes pretty anxious and freaks out a lot and will also snap if he has sensory overload

•wears noise canceling headphones a lot cause too much noise drives him insane

•HATES fabric touching his skin but will still wear a tie cause “it’s classy” and will wear clothes if hes out in public

•once took a trip to france and almost didnt come back cuz it was like cheese heaven

•goes clubbing during some of his nights off and is a karaoke GOD

•also goated at chess and gets heated during a game of scrabble

charlie:

•definitely sneaks a cart into work every day

•if allan didn’t cook this dude would go into debt from ordering takeout every day

•was raised mostly by his uncle cause his parents werent always around, and they're more like really good friends now that hes older

•grew up poor and had a pretty hard childhood overall but he doesn't dwell on it too much

•relieves his stress and frustration by terrorizing people in fortnite lobbies

•the smiling friends hq is air conditioned 24/7 per his request, he's heat sensitive and sweats EXCESSIVELY

•uses axe body spray to mask the stench

•his living conditions are depressing to look at, the only furniture in his apartment is a mattress and an old camping chair he borrowed from his uncle years ago

•also probably owns a shelf dedicated to lego builds

•he spends like 90% of his time in his bed if not working

•his morning routine consists of waking up disoriented asf, throwing on some clothes laying on the floor, forgetting to brush his teeth and walking out the door

•was exposed to shock sites wayyy too young

•acted out and got in trouble a lot in his adolescence but now just likes to keep to himself for the most part

•believe it or not he was baptized as a baby

•started caring about life a little more ever since experiencing hell

•feel like he likes music his uncle showed him as a kid, maybe judas priest and whitesnake type shit

•doesn’t even have to say anything when he goes to salty’s cause hes a regular and they know his exact order

•thats a bisexual man if ive ever seen one

•the hat hides his receding hairline lul

•has a fat ass surgical scar on his nose from when james ripped it off

•wears the same beat up white adidas shoes and got in highschool

•owns one of those “dubstep, weed and jacking off” shirts

•hes an only child but pim is like a brother to him

•had a family dog growing up and is a dog person overall

pim:

•begs to play roblox when anyone else is playing video games in the office

•curls up into a ball when he sleeps

•also will freak out without a night light

•his room is definitely littered with stuffed animals

•grew up watching mlp (g1) and probably still owns some pony figures

•and says “hello everypony!!” when entering a room

•played a LOT of browser and flash games as a youngster like club penguin and moviestar planet

•genuinely finds beauty in everything i wish i was on his level of joy and whimsey

•would totally listen to vocaloid and would totally go on a super long tangent about how its so cool and holograms are so cool

•also has a collection of light sticks and miku plushies and definitely kisses his miku poster goodnight

•i feel like he ate paint chips as a child

•craves social interaction cuz his parents had a rocky marriage and were neglectful and his sister treated him like shit when they were kids

•his sister would tug on his nerve ending when she got annoyed

•having a rough upbringing and dysfunctional family is what pushed him to start working for smiling friends, hes genuinely passionate about making people smile and just wants to help people who are in bad situations like he was

•prone to panic attacks :(

•sings little songs to calm himself down

•flails his arms or jumps around when hes excited

•still uses pool floaties when swimming lmao

•also still loves to dress up and play pretend as an adult

•mmmmm loves sweets what is a nutritious meal?????

•wore glasses growing up but just kind of stopped for some reason probably cuz his eyes are fucking massive

glep:

•chronic cyberbully-er

•tells people to kts in his gibberish language when they annoy him

•has most likely caused several wars across the globe

•puts whatever he wants on the tv and then hides the remote and watches everyone fight over who took it

•small but lets out the most diabolical burps imaginable

•is fluent in every single language on earth and probably space too

•absolutely brainrotted from that ipad he wont stop watching skibidi toilet

•unties peoples shoes when theyre not paying attention

•little guy has never known sobriety in his life

•has so many random ass pictures and videos saved on his tablet

•hes like a little vlogger

•if someone says or does something he doesnt like he’ll probably hire a hitman on them

•definitely has access to the deep web

•hates gardening but will help allan out with it once in a while for something in return (like a grilled cheese or some weed or something)

•also will sit next to allan while hes cooking so he can eat all the scraps

[cottonlemonade]

How You Met

word count: 873 || avg. reading time: 4 mins.

pairing: post-time skip Osamu x chubby!Reader

genre: fluff

warnings: spoilers

The convenience store you chose was tiny, as they all were, with narrow rows of sweets, snacks and ramen packed tightly together. Grabbing a bag of dog treats and your favorite sour gummies, you wanted to turn to the prepared food section only to bump into someone. “I’m so sorry”, you said automatically and looked up. The guy you had run into was very tall and wore a cap with a simple logo of what seemed to be an onigiri. “No worries. No harm done.”, he said and gave a friendly smile.

You both tried to pass each other but always managed to step in each other’s way, laughing awkwardly. You reached out to hold him gently in place, navigating yourself past him. Before you rounded the corner to the next section you threw a glance over your shoulder and found him smiling after you. Making your way to the cooler you zeroed in on a sandwich and milk, but when you tried to open the door to the fridge, it was stuck. You looked around, making sure no one saw you fail so miserably and gave it another yank. Nothing. You sighed and put your shopping down to use both hands.

The door still didn’t budge. You stretched your neck and rolled your shoulders, ready to mean business and pulled one more time. The door opened with such force that it made you stumble backwards, which was bad enough. But in the process the guy who had obviously come over to help, got hit in the face by the glass.

You wanted the earth to open up and swallow you whole. “Oh my god, I am so so sorry. Are you alright?”

Someone behind you two, obviously his friend, started to wheeze with laughter. The gravely injured guy rubbed his nose and complimented you on your timing.

You were beet red and wanted to hide when he gallantly opened the door in one smooth motion and stood there expectantly, apparently waiting for you to choose what you came there for.

After a hurried checkout you left the store and pulled out your phone. With a deep breath you typed a message to your friends detailing the encounter.

Atsumu and Osamu waited for their bus, coffees in hand, one still teasing the other about the swollen nose. The younger twin grinned and took a sip. You had been very cute indeed and if you wouldn't have run away like that he would have liked to talk to you a little more. Maybe invite you to join them for the coffee or to his restaurant. As he was contemplating visiting this part of town more often to take a chance on maybe seeing you again, Atsumu smirked and nodded past his shoulder. "Oh look, it's yer girlfriend."

Osamu turned around and sure enough there was the cute chubby girl from the store, a fox-like dog on your heel, eyes lowered to your phone. When you got closer to the bus stop, you spotted them and for a second, your steps slowed as if to consider fight or flight. You brushed a strand of your (h/c) hair behind your ear, turning bright red again and he couldn't help but smile.

After checking himself with Atsumu, Osamu walked over to you. You sat down on a bench, your groceries being inspected by a curious nose who now that he was approaching, squinted suspiciously.

"Hey.", he said with a smile.

You looked up shyly, "Hi… how is your nose?"

He waved you off. "All good, still attached."

You gave a nervous little chuckle.

"I'm Osamu."

When you just nodded and didn’t reply, he raised his brows expectantly.

"Oh right, I'm y/n."

"Well, it's nice to officially meet ya, y/n-san."

He already couldn't get enough of your blushing smile.

"And who is this?", Osamu asked, kneeling down to be introduced to the dog.

"Oni. Technically short for Onigiri, but to be fair, the demon connection also fits sometimes"

The fox-like dog rolled over, making him coo and draw gentle circles on the white tummy.

"You'll have to excuse her, she doesn't get much love at home.", you sighed dramatically, making him snort. What followed were questions like "Where are you from?" "Do you live around here?" and general questions about how you liked living in Kobe.

When it started to rain, Atsumu joined you two under the roof of the bus stop, throwing his brother an annoyed but apologetic look for interrupting but being consolidated quickly by a surprisingly interested Oni who also allowed him to massage her ears.

"So, whaddaya do? Are ya a student?", Osamu asked, playing with Oni‘s curled tail.

"Not anymore, actually. I work at a café."

You rummaged in your bag before pulling out a business card with an elegant golden emblem on a black backdrop.

"We're currently remodeling and expanding and all that good stuff. But we expect to reopen in a few weeks so if you guys want to come and visit…"

“And what if I wanted to see ya before then?”

Osamu could feel Atsumu suppressing a holler at that line and was grateful that his brother showed that much restraint.

[zeldotsbrainrot]

*Holding a pad and paper* " What's everyone's favorite food, why, and if you have any allergies, it would be really handy to know, beforehand...Less work for Mr. Medic, honestly." ^_^

Sniper: "Well oy don't eat nuthin' fancy, mate; coffee and canned peaches ah just foine. But nothin' beats a good Pavlova..." (He's allergic to shellfish as well.)

Demoman: "If liquor doesn't count ah suppose anythin' mah mither cooks wid dae, she mak's a great stovie!" (He has no food allergies that he's aware of.) Heavy: "Zis is silly question. Heavy make best sandviches, everyone knows. Food allergies are for small baby man who can't fight bear."

Medic: "Blutwurst! Und if I had any food hallergies I vould haffe cured zem py now- I am ein doctor afder all." (He seems to be gritting his teeth a bit as he says this, I don't think he appreciates being called 'Mr.')

Scout: "My ma makes the best fried chicken in town, so it would probably be that. And I'm crazy allergic to peanuts- wait, Heavy said what? Yeah, of course tubby over there isn't allergic to nuthin'- is anyone surprised here?" Soldier: "AMERICA HAS TOO MUCH DAMN GOOD FOOD TO JUST CHOOSE ONE! APPLE PIE, BURGERS, HOT DOGS, RIBS- AND DAMN IT, ONLY A WIMP WOULD DARE GET TAKEN OUT BY A MERE PEANUT!! GET A GRIP SON!"

Spy: "Besides black coffee and the occasional cigarette ('occasional'?)... I don't mind chicken confit." (He also has a soy allergy.)

Pyro: "MMMHMM MM HMMM! MHM M MM, MM HMM, MMM MHHH, MMM M-" (He either has a lot of favorite foods or a lot of allergies...) Engineer: Nothin' beats a good ol' apple pie. I'm allergic to milk meself.

[solarspringg]

More of My Marauders Headcanons —Part 2

• James talks to himself a lot. He will have full-on conversations with himself when he’s alone. He’ll also laugh to himself when he thinks of a joke. His friends used to think it was super weird when they first met each other but they got used to it.

• Peter can’t whistle. He’s tried to learn so many times but he just can’t do it.

• Lily is extremely good at chess. It’s insane how good she is. The only one that’s gotten close to beating her was Remus, but she still remains undefeated.

• Both Sirius and Regulus cannot handle spicy food. Sirius pretends he can and acts all tough, but ten seconds later he’s cursing up a storm about how hot the food is. Regulus on the other hand will freeze and then chug a bunch of milk, suffering silently.

• Remus doesn’t use bookmarks when he reads. He’ll either dog-ear the pages or just lays the book down on the page he’s on. He also loves to annotate, but it’s nothing inspiring, mostly stuff like “Damn that sucks” or “Fuck you [character name].”

• Marlene cuts her own hair and bleaches/dyes it all the time. Every week she dyes the ends a different color. Mary has begged her to go to a real salon since it’s so choppy and fried but Marlene refuses.

• James is tone deaf but will still sing his heart out despite it. He loves karaoke and his go to song is Fernando by ABBA. Sirius loves to sing along with him.

• Mary talks fast and uses her hands while she does so. Sometimes she has to be told to slow down because she gets really fast when she’s excited.

• Sirius is a great artist. He sketches when he’s bored in class, either on himself or on his homework. He draws his friends all the time in his sketchbook. James, Remus, and Peter also allow him to draw on them whenever he wants.

• Pandora loves anything that has to do with fortune telling. She always have tarot cards on her person and will give out free tarot readings to anyone who asks, or she’ll randomly grab someone’s hand and read their palms.

• Dorcas loves fashion and has the most killer fashion sense ever. Every outfit she puts on looks like she just stepped out of the cover of Vogue. She’s also a god at the sewing machine and makes a lot of her clothes.

• Marlene learned how to sew because she’s always tearing her clothes, mostly by playing sports, and didn’t want to buy new ones. Dorcas taught her.

• Barty is excellent at mental math. Bro is literally a walking calculator and it’s insane.

• Evan is ambidextrous (can use both his left and right hands equally). However, once he somehow forgot the actual name of the condition and said “My hands are bisexual.”

• Remus has the worst back issues ever. He has to sleep on his back and do a bunch of stretches for prevention. And when his back is in pain, he has to take a bunch of pain relief and taught his friends how to help stretch his back properly whenever it acts up.

• Regulus has glasses but refuses to wear them in public, having his contacts in 24/7. The only times he wears his glasses is when he’s alone or in his dorm with his friends.

• Dorcas is a clean freak and a bit of a germaphobe. Her dorm is always clean and organized and she has hand sanitizer on her 24/7.

• Mary constantly takes photos. She has a bunch of different cameras, from Polaroid to digital, and always takes the most aesthetic pics you’ve ever seen.

• Lily used to have a nasty habit of chewing on her hair and nails when she was anxious/nervous/stressed/etc. She now carries gum with her everywhere and chews on that instead.

• Peter will lie about the most random shit ever. Someone on the street asking him for his name? He’ll say it’s John or something. When he orders food sometimes he puts on a fake accent. Australian is his current favorite. He’ll even make up random fun facts, and then when someone asks if that’s true, he’s like: “No just made it up.”

• Pandora can be super blunt. She’ll just say whatever she’s thinking and has no filter. However, over the years she’s been learning to control it as she’s hurt a few people’s feelings because of it.

• Evan hates food that is super sweet. He has the exact opposite of a sweet tooth; every time he eats something really sweet he feels like he just gained a million cavities. He prefers savory.

• Barty actually has super light brown hair (almost looks blond) but dyes it black. The first time he did it he used fabric dye because it was the only thing around and his friends made fun of him for weeks because of how bad it looked.

• Regulus was forced into playing piano as a child. At at first he hated it but grew to love it. Whenever there’s a piano, Regulus will sit down and play something. When he’s stressed or anxious he’ll tap his fingers as if he’s playing piano as it soothes him.

• Sirius hates tea. Always hated it when he was a kid and his parents would make him drink it constantly. Even smelling the aroma of certain teas gives him emotional whiplash. He much prefers coffee and likes it black with sugar.

Here’s another list of my marauders headcanons! Ahh I love making these so MUCH. They’re so much fun :))

[floofeh-purpi]

~ 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟 & 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧(?) ~

my written works are here too dont worry

"Oh? Ah, hello there, fuzzie! If you just so happened to stumble upon this blog within the crevices of this... uhm— place...? Anyways, let me introduce myself! "

"Oh? Me? Obsessed with Mk1 and Mk11??? Nuh-uh!"

Warning: This blog is pretty safe... if you'll exclude the swearing, that sub pantalone fic that I wrote and deleted, and some concerning reblogs. Oh! And those concerning reblogs of mine if diven deeper.

My OCs!

「Credits to @/cafekitsune for the dividers that I will use in my posts btw!」

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

Name: Purpi. Aka the Fluffball Collector of this corner, and a person that write genshin stuff! (Mostly sagau)

Birthday: 02/02.

Age: 6 x 3! ^^

Pronouns: Them/They.

Nationality: Pilipino.

Favorite color: Purple, Blue, Green, Black, Grey, and White.

Favorite food: Pancit canton (Chilimansi top tier), Chicaron (Give.), buttered shrimp, fish, chocolate, scrambled egg, waffles, ice-cream, MANGO FLOAT AHHHH—. I dont wanna make this list so long...

Favorite drink: Water, chocolate milk, uhmm... thats all I remember—

Favorite animal: Dogs, cats, penguins, I love dogs, sharks, cows with shampoo-ed fur(?), I love dogs, curly haired mice, mini goats, hotdo— I mean wiener dogs. Im a dog owner.

Hobby: Writing this wasnt apart of my list but oh well, singing, being a delulu little bi—, being a yapper.

My nicknames for you: Fluffball(s)/fuzzie(s)

Facebook acc: flofehpurp (Display: FloøfehPurpı)

~~~~~~~

My Written Works!

• Getting Isekai'd?!

Sagau! Genshin Fatui x Gn! Reader (ft. Your bsf)

Part 1, Part 2 , Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11

「Part 12 is in progress!!」

• Creator x Destroyer.

Sagau! Foul Legacy x Creator! Gn! Reader

Part 1, Part 2

• His beloved creator.

Sagau! Dottore! x Creator! Gn! Reader

Here!

• "And thus, The Creator wreaked havoc across Teyvat."

SAGAU! Some GI characters x Creator! Gn! Reader

Here!

• Zzz. (100 FOLLOWERS SPECIAL!)

Sagau! Childe x Gn! Sick! Creator! Reader.

Here!

• Happy Birthday! (Mootie's b-day special!)

Childe x Gn! Reader

Here!

• Through the Screen.

Self-aware! Obey Me x Gn! Reader

Here! Part 2

『Beloved fluffball/s mentioned below! 💜』

@/justmare @/mc-cos-charm @/keirennyx @/fantasticarcadefan @/catratnap

『My silly and fluffy lil anon/s:』

🍰

☆

Please say what anon you wanna be in my asks or if you wanna be tagged in one of my works :>

Made: July 23, 2024. 10:34pm.

[astrasrebloggedfics]

Saved Toji Fics

SFW

Vampire!Toji

Toji Loves Thic Women

Morning After (Husband!Toji)

What is Love

That's Why I Love You (pregnant reader)

Dog tags

The Couple and The Cashier

Doctor!Reader x Dad!Toji

Ass, Tits, or Thighs (Suggestive)

Jealous!Toji

Dad!Toji Megumi's Height

Hide and Seek (Ft. Megumi)

Toji Sleeps Naked (Highly Suggestive

The Fight For The Television (Dad!Toji)

Three Little Words

Can't Take My Eyes Off You

Toji With Newborns

Toji Has Lots of Money

Fluff Alphabet V

Getting Fast Food

Extra Mean To Others

Toji Respects Women

Baby's First Words

NSFW

Trying to Dom Toji

Dry Humping

Roommates

Dilf!Toji & Babysitter

Blowjob

Obsessed with You Breasts

A Brothel but With Men

Jealous!Toji

Noise Competition

Werewolf Toji Part 1 Part 2

Loves to Fuck You Dumb

Me and My Husband (assassin!Toji)

W/ Reader's Oral Fixation

Leaving the Door Open

Dilf!Toji and College!Neighbor!Reader

Dumbification and Breeding

Crying

Things Toji Says in Bed

Hotel Maid!Reader

Bets

Boyfriend's Uncle

Panties

Yakuza Boss!Toji x Needy!Reader

Too Big (For Condoms)

Crybaby!Reader

Want Some Milk With That?

Ex Husband!Toji

Soft Dom!Toji

Virgin Killer!Toji (filming)

Love Line (MMA!Toji)

Making You Explain What You Want Him To Do

Toji Punishes You

Mean!Possessive!Toji Getting You Pregnant

Pleasing the Wife

The Sorcerer Killer

Birthing Hips

Lovesick

He's Married (angst)

Toji's Valentine's Gift

Neighbor

Baby Fever

Hungry Husband

Mine

Big Dick!Toji

Loves Making You Cry

College Teacher!Toji

Sucking Tits in Public

Dilf!Toji x College!Reader

Hate (Jealous) Sex

Electrician!Toji

Fucking You So Good

Tease And Feast

Old Tricks, Same Treats (halloween)

Short NSFW

Fresh Out Of the Shower (lightly NSFW)

Toji's Trophy Wife

S & M

Promiscuous

Dilf!Toji x Babysitter!Reader (Cheating On Wife)

Locking Down Toji

Dirty Diaries

Better Than Breakfast

Fuck Boy!Toji

"How Do You Feel Mama?"

Stay the Night

One of His Girls

Belly Bulge

Missing You

Dilf!Toji

Dilf!Toji Slapping You With His Cock

Dilf!Toji Shopping

Mechanic!Toji

Lemon (One of my personal favorites)

Divorced!Toji

Dilf!Toji

[kedreeva]

So I live somewhere where certain foods aren't readily available. I'm looking to buy a house - smallish house, biggish land is an option(cheaper). I've never kept anything more ~interesting~ than snakes. I went to a restaurant in a city a few years back where I tried duck for the first time and it instantly became my favorite food. Would it be weird to uh, keep ducks for eating? I've no problem with butchering but I'm worried I'd get attached to MY ducks.

I can't really answer if you'll get attached, because I don't know you or your penchant for getting attached. I can answer that it's not weird at all to raise ducks for meat. There are entire breeds of ducks that are great to raise for meat (like muscovies or pekins). Personally, I prefer the muscovy breed because I find them to be adorable (lots of cool color morphs! they do a little butt waggling dance in a circle!), GREAT moms who take on HUGE clutches no problem, they don't require or play in large amounts of water the way pekins do, and they're not as noisy (they hiss, they don't quack). The boys also get quite large, without getting super fat the way proper meat pekins do.

Like that's just. Terrible. I assume they get belly rub sores. The meat is probably good, the fat is probably good cooking. But at what cost?

I can also say that most people do get somewhat attached to animals they raise for food, but I think that's an important part of it. Part of raising animals for food is understanding that you're giving them the best life you can up to the point of butcher, which is often better than whatever life they would have in a factory farm. Part of raising food animals is caring enough about them to do well by them, as the only gratitude you can show to them in exchange for their life. Part of raising animals for food is understanding that you are going to take the life of another creature, and I think that attachment is how we understand the weight of that decision.

Personally, I think that it's right and good for people to get attached to their livestock. I think it helps them remember that they're caring for a living creature that has needs and feels pain. A creature that is deserving of excellent care while alive. I see a LOT of people allowing animal suffering in the fowl world because "it's just a chicken" and the babies "only cost a couple bucks," and "they can be replaced." IMO, it's a particularly callous attitude to have, toward an animal whose life will be taken to provide for you. Even one whose life is dedicated to providing for you while living (eggs, milk, wool, honey, etc) deserves better than to be considered a Thing that can be allowed to suffer merely because it is replaceable.

Lastly, I can say that (for me at least) there's often a major difference between the attachment you feel toward a pet and a livestock animal. Part of it is expectations going in, part of it is time. For pets, the expectation is that you will have that animal for the duration of that animal's average life expectancy, and you can plan accordingly for allowing yourself emotional investment. For livestock, the expectation is that you will only have the animal until its butcher date, which is often quite early in their life. A healthy, well-kept dog you can probably expect a good 10 years from, a cat nearly twice that. The average butcher age for a pekin duck is 3 months old (for comparison, they have an average lifespan of 5 years before their bodies give out from growth and weight issues), for muscovies 3-6 months (with an average lifespan of 20 years). There's just not as much time to get attached in the first place, unless you're getting attached to your breeders.

So, is it weird to raise ducks for food? Absolutely not. Are you going to get attached? I hope so, at least a little bit. And I hope that you feeling that connection to your food source helps you to take excellent care of them until their time comes, and that it compels you to make their end as quick and painless as possible.

[2mimikyute4u]

To Every Person Who Voted For Trump:

May your every seat at a show or movie or restaurant be near a screaming child.

May your every hot drink or meal seem cool enough to consume, but burn your tongue anyway.

May your favorite food item always be out of stock at your local grocery store.

May your every walk outside include accidentally stepping in wet dog excrement.

May every loaf of bread you purchase be slightly stale, and every gallon of milk slightly off.

May it rain immediately after your every car wash, and may every bird use said car as a restroom.

May your pillow always be uncomfortably warm‐ on both sides.

May you forget raw meat in your trunk in the summer, and may the smell permeate your car always.

With all due disrespect,

Someone Who Should Not Have Had To Comfort My Wife Tonight

[egoistsarchive]

Michael Kaiser Profile from Egoist Bible Vol.2 (2024)

Nationality: German.

Weapon: “Kaiser Impact”

Birthdate: December 25th.

Age: 19 years old (At the start of the Neo Egoist League)

Zodiac sign: Capricorn.

Birthplace: Berlin, Germany.

Family structure: Father, himself.

Height: 186 cm.

Foot size: 28 cm.

Eyesight: 0.9 in both eyes

Blood type: A.

Team: Bastard Munchen.

Dominant foot: Right.

Grip Strength: 80 kg.

Favorite soccer player: None.

Age started playing soccer: 15 years old.

Motto: "Become the symbol of the impossible"

Nickname: Blue Rose Emperor.

Strengths: Looking down on all other “humans”.

Weaknesses: I have a crazy bedhead. I wake up grumpy.

Favorite food: Bread crust rusks. When I was a kid, I used to make them with discarded bread from the sandwich shop in my neighborhood. The sugar and garlic flavor are so damn good.*

Disliked food: Milk. It brings back bad memories. And I simply hate the smell. Disgusting. Fucking nasty.

Best rice accompaniment: I don’t eat rice that often. Do tell me what’s good.

Hobbies: Reading. Psychology and Philosophy. I’m interested in the principles of human behavior.

Favorite season: Winter. Because loneliness suits me.

Favorite music: "Desperado" by Eagles.

Favorite movie: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

Character color: Metallic Blue.

Favorite animal: Stray dogs.

Best subjects: I didn’t take classes seriously.

Weak subjects: I didn’t go to school so I don’t know.

Fetish: Face of Despair fetish. I want to taste the depth of that person.

What makes you happy: Being regarded as an enemy. Just thinking about destroying them gives me thrills.

What makes you sad: Presents. I don’t know how to react to them. Don’t fucking need them. Just get the fuck out.

Ideal type: Someone beautiful, intelligent, and affectionate. 

Last year’s valentine day chocolates: 800. I heard they were delivered to the team's clubhouse.

Sleep time: 8 hours (7 hours+1 hour nap)

Where do you wash first in the bath?: Left chest.

Favorite smartphone app: Health app. Every morning I check my pulse, and I feel alive looking at the numbers.

Mushroom or Bamboo Shoots?: What are you talking about? Chocolate? Mushroom is fine then.**

What made you cry recently: When I squeezed my neck, tears came out. I looked at my face in the mirror and laughed.***

At what age did you stop receiving presents from Santa?: Never received any. Santa doesn’t exist.

What did you ask for a Christmas present from Santa?: Freedom.

What would you do on your last day on earth?: Regret. Thinking of how I could’ve lived my life differently. If tomorrow were my last day, I think I'd regret it.

What would you do if you received 100 million yen?: Whatever. Maybe I’d buy a rose garden.

What do you do on your days off?: Take a long shower, read, think about people I want to kill and about myself, take a shit then go to sleep.

What would you be doing if you hadn’t discovered soccer?: Committing crime. Starving to death

Who is your favorite historical figure?: Nietzsche. Freud. Napoleon. I’d like to talk to these three.

If you could only bring one thing to a deserted island, what would it be?: My soccer ball. Where would you go if you had a time machine, to the past or the future?: The future. There’s no salvation in the past, so the future is better. I want to see if there is salvation in the future.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Notes:*…サンドイッチ屋で捨てるアレをもらって作ってた。 (...sandoitchi-ya de suteru Are o moratte tsukutteta) -> ”...made them using the stuff (bread) that was thrown away from the sandwich shop…”

**Kaiser is German so he wouldn’t know the legendary beef between Team Mushroom or Team Bamboo.

***Kaiser said 自分の首を絞めた時 (Jibun no kubi o shimeta toki) or “When I strangled my own neck”. The verb 首を絞める (kubi o shimeru) is “to wring the neck”, “to strangle.” 

Ness basically said the same thing in chapter.243 -> 自分で自分の首を絞めて･･･!?!?! (Jibun de jibun no kubi o shimete..!?) – and the official translated it as “He’s squeezing his own neck!?”, so we also went with ‘Squeeze’!