#my dogs are on anxiety meds because they get stressed when people visit

[forbodium]

send help

[shoutoismybaby]

A Pink Promise (BakuXReader)

Summary: You had a tradition with bakugou. A tradition where every time you had to leave each other you would wrap your pinky’s together in a promise that you would see the other again. But one night after an argument you storm out of the apartment without your typical goodbye, and bakugou gets a call that makes him question if he will ever see you alive again

WARNING: Angst, but it ends in fluff. Cursing, injury, car accident, fighting, and crying

Hi. I’m just gonna leave this here😘

***

“I should probably head home,” You shifted from one foot to another, “my dad will get worried if I’m late…”

“Alright, bye loser.” You giggled at Bakugous response and held out your hand, pinky extended.

“So, you’ll pick me up at two?” You asked, pausing at the confused look on his face. “What?”

“What are you doing?” Bakugou asked, he was staring at your hand. You laughed once more and ignored his glare,

“Oh, it's for a pinky promise.” You explained,

“You need me to pinky promise that I’ll take you on a date tomorrow?” His brows only became more furrowed, Katsuki knew you were a little weird. The simplest things seemed to make you smile, but that's what he loved about you. He wondered if you seriously wanted him to pinky promise you that he would take you out, right after he just asked you to be his girlfriend. Yeah, he was an asshole. But not to that extent.

“No, um. It’s a promise that you’ll see me again.” You blushed, it was a habit you had picked up from your parents. They always used a pinky promise in place of a goodbye kiss. You were about to let your hand drop when looped his pinky with yours.

“Okay, I’ll be at your house at two. You better be ready.” He gave your finger a tight squeeze before letting it go. He then turned around and began walking away from you.

“I won't!” You promised, watching him walk away for a couple of seconds before you turned to head home.

From that day on, each time you went to say goodbye, a pinky promise accompanied it. Even Bakugou caught onto the habit quickly, despite the fact that his friends would often tease him for it. Yeah, he was whipped for you. He knew it. Your peers knew it. Even your uncle's dog knew it. But all that mattered to him was that you were happy. And you were for a while.

It was when you had graduated for UA and moved into an apartment together that problems started to arise. Katsuki got overly jealous of every person you got close to, and you were always exhausted after work. Hero's work was stressful on both of you, only contributing to the short temper your boyfriend seemed to have. Fights would happen over the smallest of things, such as chores not being done, or something being left out where it didn't belong.

Of course, you couldn't say that you were innocent, you did start a fair amount of fights. Eventually, though, it hit a point that you could barely handle it anymore. Even when you tried to calm him down, to just talk through things, it would always end in screams and slammed doors.

And soon enough, you hit your limit.

“God, don’t you ever shut up!?” You screamed, just having gotten home from work. Why were you already fighting with him? You hadn't even gotten the chance to take off your shoes. His face only seemed to get more contorted, matching the amount of anger he felt. Why was he always directing it at you? “I just got home from work, cant you give me a fucking break!”

“Maybe you’d get home earlier if you were any good at what you do!” He argued, of course, he would go on the offense.

“What’s that supposed to mean!?” You prayed that he would back down.

“I'm just saying that if you weren't such a shitty hero, maybe you would get home at a decent time and actually-” That was your breaking point.

“Just because you’ll never be good enough to be the number 1 hero, doesn't mean you can take it out on me!” You shut him up pretty fast. His face paled and eyes widened, but you could barely notice past the high you were on. “I’m sick and tired of coming home to someone who only wants to fight with me! Have you ever thought that maybe I take extra shifts to avoid seeing you?”

You were crying now, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You were so mad. How could he tell you that he loved you and then tell you something like that?

Katsuki seemed frozen, you couldn't see the guilt flood his body. You couldn't hear the thoughts whirring in his head. You couldn't feel his regret. You could only feel anger.

You could only feel your heart ripping in two, the tears scratching their way to your eyes. Everything hurt. You felt like a gust of wind could cause your body to fall apart. Yet, at the same time, you felt numb. Maybe that was the anger. The desperation. The hurt. Maybe that was what was protecting your fragile self.

You had never felt so broken and vulnerable before.

“I hate you Bakugou!” He was supposed to be the one to protect you, love you, care for you. So why was he the one tearing you apart?

If it hadn't already, his heart stopped. You hadn't called him by his last name since you got together.

“(Y/n)-” His hand reached out to you. All he wanted to do right then was apologize to you, and hold you close until you forgave him. But you couldn't do that. Not again. Not then,

“Don't touch me!” Your voice sounded so broken as you held one of your wrists in your other hand. “Don't-” A shuddering breath made its way through your throat. You reached for your coat and began to pull it on.

“(Y/n), please don't. I'm sorry-”

“I don't want to see you again,” You closed your eyes tight and sighed, turning to the door. He didn't say anything else, so you left.

***

It was a couple of seconds before his arm returned to his side, and a couple of minutes more before he stopped standing there. Choosing to sit instead. He wasn’t sure why. Why he didn’t just move to the couch. Why some part of him was convinced that you would just walk back in, and let him apologize. Let him fix everything.

But he knew you wouldn't. Even more, he knew he didn’t deserve it.

It was an hour before he finally moved, and it was only to get to his ringing phone. All he could do at that moment was wish it was you.

Wish it was about you.

Oh, how he came to wish he could take back that wish.

“(y/n), I'm sorry-”

“Hello?” It wasn't your voice on the phone, Bakugou considered hanging up, but had a feeling that he shouldn't.

“Who is this?” He asked gruffly, he just wanted you back in his arms. He didn't care about anything else.

“My name is Haru, I work for the Musutafu hospital. Your number is on the emergency contact list of (Y/n) (L/n). Could you come down to the hospital? It's urgent.”

Bakugou didn't think that his heart would break anymore that night. But here he was, tearing up on the phone. Begging and screaming at the poor nurse to tell him what was going on, knowing full well she couldn't. Stupid patient confidentiality.

He had never pulled on his shoes and coat faster, not taking the time to realise his shoes did not match. He knew it was illegal to use his quirk at the moment, but he didn’t care. He launched himself into the air and towards the hospital, only slowing down in order to land painfully in front of the doors. But he didn't care about how he felt. Nor did he care about the immediate attention that was placed on him from everyone around.

“Is that Ground Zero?”

“I’ve never seen him without his hero suit on before”

“Look at him. He looks like a mess.”

“Is he okay?”

The hospital was busy when he walked inside, covered in sweat from both the bodily exertion and anxiety. His heart was racing and the only thing keeping him from fainting was the fact that he needed to see you. How had you already ended up in the hospital? You had only just left his house-

But the clock on the wall corrected him, it had been a few hours. His stomach churned as he walked up to the receptionist's desk,

“Where’s (Y/n)?” He growled out, beginning to get restless. Now that some people knew who he was, the paparazzi was sure to show up. And that was the last thing either of you needed.

“Name, ID, Relationship to the patient?” The woman's calm demeanor was in direct contrast to the storm brewing in Bakugou.

“Bakugou Katsuki, I’m (Y/n) (L/n)’s boyfriend.” He said as he dug out his wallet, suddenly remembering something you had told him once when you had to visit him in the hospital after a villain encounter went sideways. “But we’ve lived together for over three years, we have a common law marriage.”

He knew that this was the only way he was going to be able to see you, but it wasn’t like he was lying. The receptionist squinted at him before taking his ID and looking it over.

“Alright, if you can state the name of the patient you are visiting for me again I can get you the guest pass and their room number.”

***

Your door slammed open, and you strained your eyes trying to see. The brace around your neck stops you from properly looking over. It didn’t take long to realise who it was when you heard the strangled whine. You recognized it as Katsuki right away. How could you not?

You had been with him for years, through the ups, the downs, and the very far downs that were the past year. You had held him tightly when those noises had escaped him in the past and you shielded him from the world when he was no longer able to keep up his facade.

You could only imagine how broken he looked now, you just wanted to hold him again and protect him from everything.

Until you remembered your last conversation, but then you just felt conflicted. You were mad at him. You were so angry.

But you were scared, so scared.

After all your years as a pro hero, and it was a truck that fucked you up the most. Each breath was painful, and maybe if your mind wasn’t so cloudy on pain meds, you would be able to remember how many ribs the doctor told you were broken, or which leg. Or if you were going to live. God, were you scared.

Footsteps brought you out of your thoughts, focusing your eyes to the man who stood in front of you. He looked like a boy now, so broken and collapsed in on himself.

“(Y/n),” sounded broken.

His brows were furrowed, mouth deep set in a scowl. But you knew better. You saw the tears stains on his cheeks. The redness of his eyes. His coat was inside out. You knew his face was one of worry. Fear.

You remembered the first time you saw him look like that. The first time he opened himself up to be so vulnerable to you. It was sometime after All Might had fallen, and the guilt had been eating him up. Not many other people noticed the way his thoughts were eating him up inside. But you did.

You saw the light in his eyes dim. The dark bags began to form and the way his posture fell. His confidence was falling no matter how much he screamed to keep up his image.

“K-kat-suk-i” You struggled to speak, your voice raspy. Like you hadn’t drank anything in years. Tears bubbled in his eyes, and, somehow that was more painful than when you first woke up. In the middle of the street, there had been a young woman kneeling over you, screaming into her phone. You couldn't hear her though, only the ringing in your ear.

You couldn't remember right before you got hit, it was fuzzy. Though the doctor told you it was normal. You wondered if maybe you were just running without looking. Or if tears clouded your vision. Or maybe, if it hadn't been your fault at all.

“Shit,” The love of your life began to scrub his face with his fists, much like he did the night you found him in the dorms kitchen. Crying over a late night snack as his fists clenched the edge of the counter, struggling to hold himself together.

No matter how much he tried to cover his face after you made your presence known, you could see the tears as they fell to the floor. You could hear his strangled whimpers. And even though you knew the possible consequences, you held his shaking body in your arms. You let him be vulnerable and didn’t say a word.

It was that day that you began to see Bakugou as he truly was. An Asshole? Yes, of course. But also a boy who cared way too much, who held himself to impossible standards, and who never really had a proper support system. You decided to be his support that day, and soon after you became his girlfriend too.

“They, they told me what happened to you,” you watched as little pops of frustration came out of his fists. “And I couldn't help but think that it’s my fault.”

“No,” you wanted to protest, but you instead had your breath hitched in your throat. The desire of water coming to be the very forefront of your thoughts as you reached out your hands, desperate for the hydration that would let you continue. Bakugou, of course noticed and his crimson eyes quickly spotte the glass of water on your nightstand. Once the cool glass brushed against your fingers, you brought it to your lips and drank as if you hadn’t seen a liquid in days.

“Just, listen okay? I… Ive been taking out my work stress on you, I’ve been rude and condesending and just fucking nit picky. You didn’t deserve any of that, especially what I said earlier. It was fucking uncalled for and so far from the truth.” The determination in his gaze was evident, it was the same gleam in his eyes he got whenever he set his mind to something. You adored that look from him.

“I know Katsuki, I know you don’t really think that.” You muttered, unsure of what to say. Were you just supposed to forgive his, what seemed to be, apology? You had no idea how you felt. Your head hurt along with the rest of your body and your throat was still parched despite downing your water seconds ago.

“It doesnt matter, you need to know what I do think. I think youre an incredibly strong woman. And a fucking resilient, relentless one at that. Can’t get you off my shit for two seconds. But I love that about you, you know? I know I’ve been a dick recently but I really do love you. I asmire you too, your work ethic. You never give up and thats what makes you one of the best heroes out there, fuck what the polls say.” He sniffled and quickly ran a closed fist under his nose. “You dont deserve what I’ve been putting you through lately… and I’m fucking sorry. You’re the most important person in my life and you deserve better than the asshole you’ve been getting.”

“You’ve always been an asshole.” You used your glass to hide the smirk on your face that only grew bigger as bakugou couldn't help himself from blowing up.

“I- are you kidding!? I’m trying to fucking apologize here and THATS what you choose to say!?” The pops of his quirk created a melody with the raspy laughs that left your mouth.

“Yeah,” your chuckling continued as bakugou's face softened. Eyes like cooling embers as they dusted across your figure. You tried to ignore that look, it always made your chest swell uncomfortably. Nothing could make you tear up more than the love bakugou had for you.

“Shitty woman,” he sat himself down in the chair besides your bed and took the now empty glass from your hands, “I just want you to know that when- if, you come home… that things are going to be better. I don't ever want to make you feel like you have to avoid me ever again. I want you to feel safe around me. And I swear that I’m going to put you above my hero work from now on-“

“No, Katsuki, I’m sorry I said that. I shouldn’t have said that you can't become the number one hero, it's not true.” You shook your head, the shame being too painful to look anywhere but your hands. Balled in fists on your lap before they were gently tugged into his own. You reluctantly met his eyes, admiring the fire that burned in them.

“This has nothing to fucking do with that, okay? I’m not giving up on being the number one, I’m just going to start working harder to be better for you at the same time. And anyone who thinks I can’t do it is a dumb bitch.”

“God can your ego get Any bigger?” A smile stretched across your face as you began laughing again when he simply shrugged. It hurt like a bitch, the sharp pain making your eyes water, but you just loved everything about the angry man in front of you. Even when he began yelling at you to stop laughing before you hurt yourself even more. It took awhile for you to calm down, and even longer to get bakugou to stop glaring at you for hurting yourself.

“I love you,” he said after a moment of silence, his rough thumbs rubbing circles into the meat of your hand.

“I know.” You sighed, basking in the silence that lasted only a few seconds before bakugou ripped his hands from yours.

“SAY IT BACK!”

***

I hope you enjoyed!

[stanandcharleyandfriends]

In the thick of the COVID-19 pandemic, it seemed to Scott Neabore that the pet population had doubled as people bound to their homes sought out cats and dogs for comfort and companionship. His practice in Haddonfield, meanwhile, was still compact — just him and three vet technicians.

His schedule is fully booked with surgeries until autumn. There are no slots for more dental procedures until the beginning of next year. He has performed more spay and neuter surgeries in the last year than he ever did previously.

“The pet population essentially doubled in a year, but the veterinarian population did not,” he said. “Now we’re trying to play catch-up.”

As pet ownership sharply grew in the last year �� 11.38 million households in the United States got pets during the pandemic, according to the American Pet Products Association — so did the workload for veterinary practices, many of which simultaneously grappled with COVID-19 safety protocol, concerns of thinning staff, and growing pressure to see as many patients as possible.

Even with nimble vet staff, there was sometimes a waiting period of six to seven hours at the Red Bank Veterinary Hospital emergency room in Hillsborough, N.J. — a delay exacerbated by some owners who brought in their pets for nonurgent matters, veterinarian Agatha Kuza said.

“My job has kind of become a general practice-emergency hybrid,” she said, noting that some people have paid the more expensive emergency hospital fee rather than wait longer to get their animal seen elsewhere.

In a typical 12-hour shift during the pandemic, Kuza saw 10 to 15 patients. On her busiest day, she recalled, she saw 30. Another day, when two other emergency clinics in the area diverted owners to nearby facilities, eight patients showed up at Red Bank Veterinary Hospital within an hour.

The work has become overwhelming, Kuza said. After already long days sometimes peppered with combative or accusatory pet owners, some employees stay an extra hour or two to finish their tasks, she said. Half of the nurses who were working at the hospital when Kuza was hired last year have resigned, and replacements are hard to find.

“I definitely already feel burned out,” said Kuza, who graduated in 2019 from the University of Pennsylvania School of Veterinary Medicine. “I don’t see myself doing emergency — or even veterinary medicine — long term.” She has begun to see a therapist, she said, and take medication.

When COVID-19 and vet medicine collided, it brewed “a perfect storm,” said Jennifer Keeler, executive director of the Pennsylvania Veterinary Medical Association.

“We started out with not being sure if vet clinics could remain open, and in the early days, they were only open for the emergency procedures,” she said. That pushed back routine wellness visits — and the backlog compounded as people began adopting or buying new pets and bringing them in for their first checkups.

“Once they were allowed to do routine care and trying to dig out of that backlog, a lot of staff members are parents whose kids are home,” she said, noting that the majority of veterinarians and veterinary technicians in the United States are women. “So a lot of vet clinics lost staff and have been unable to fill positions. It’s really put a lot of pressure on them.”

Coupled with new rules surrounding COVID-19, such as appointments that required owners to stay outside while their pet was being seen, more owners became frustrated and angry, Keeler said.

“That can be emotional for pet owners because they want to be in with their pet,” she said. “They often give a lot of push-back to vets and staff, so it’s kind of coming at vet professionals from all angles lately.”

Turnover is then high, she said, particularly when there is low pay, little job satisfaction, burnout, and compassion fatigue. Vet technicians and technologists earned an annual median pay of $36,260 in 2020, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. The agency found that the veterinarians averaged $108,350 a year as of last May.

“I get cursed at at least once a week,” said an emergency veterinarian in Philadelphia who requested anonymity for fear of jeopardizing her job. People also have threatened and yelled at her, she said, slammed doors in her face, and walked out on $2,000 bills. “It’s definitely gotten much worse.”

The workload, too, has been fierce: In the first week of the pandemic, she said, a few cat owners who began to spend more time at home observed their pets more closely and brought them in to be examined. She diagnosed three with having abdominal tumors. And she examined more puppies than usual, many of which came from Lancaster County, Missouri, or Ohio, hot spots for puppy mills.

“Everyone just wants a puppy so much right now that puppies that wouldn’t get adopted with heart murmurs or hernias are getting adopted,” she said.

Recently, she noticed an uptick in animals that had ingested marijuana.

She said she had used her own money to pay for the treatment of six animals surrendered to her practice during the COVID-19 outbreak. One was a puppy with a broken leg; another, a cat with a severed tail.

“There’s no end in sight,” she said, and recalled a shift when she had to handle 15 emergencies by herself. “And we’re just working harder and harder and harder.”

Despite increased stress, “in general, I’m doing better than most people,” she said. “... You have to not take things personally. You have to come up with ways to cope, or you can’t deal with it.”

As it stands, the industry feels broken, said Braelyn Bankoff, a graduate of Penn Vet. She left her job as a small-animal vet in April 2020 after the job left her anxious and unhappy.

“The vet world right now feels set up to go poorly from the start,” she said, and pointed to the high cost of vet school that led to people “feeling trapped” or “forced to work unsustainably,” and the expense of running a tight-margin animal hospital that invited the pressure of seeing as many patients a day as possible. The stress, so crippling at times, has given rise to Not One More Vet, a national nonprofit dedicated to bettering the mental health of vet staff.

“It puts more burden on the existing staff and results in crazy hours, unsustainable workloads, too many client expectations you just can’t support,” Bankoff said.

She ultimately found that the pressure was unhealthy.

“I started developing stress-related illness,” she said. “I saw a psychiatrist and had to get on antidepressants and anxiety medication.” She quit her job without another one lined up and started a job search. She landed her current position, an analyst for the National Board of Medical Examiners, in January.

“It’s absolutely amazing,” she said. “I have hobbies now. I have a life. I am no longer on any meds. I feel very much myself again, and that’s awesome.”

***

Published June 7, 2021. The author, Katie Park, is suburban development reporter for the Philadelphia Inquirer.

[chrishoughton]

How do you deal with depression?

First off, I’m assuming you’re asking bc you’re dealing with depression. If that’s the case, I’m sorry you’re struggling. Depression is horrible because it robs you of desire. And if you have no desire to keep going in life, you can quickly end up in a dangerous situation.

Depression’s different for everyone but I needed to get serious about my mental health about 2 years ago after I had hit a new personal low. I’ve dealt with anxiety, obsessive thinking, and depression since I was a kid so I thought I knew what was going on, but I didn’t. Depression is serious stuff so good on you for reaching out. Of course, I am no mental health expert so take what I say with a grain of salt.

Here are some of the first steps I took when I was at my lowest:

•Learn about depression. For me, learning about what was going on in my head helped me feel less crazy, less alone, AND gave me an education in what actions I can take in order to feel better. Here is a great resource: https://www.youtube.com/user/healingdepression and I also HIGHLY recommend the book, “The Upward Spiral.” The book is a crash course into learning about the very first small steps you can do to start a positive spiral upwards. Most of us knows what a downward spiral looks like. With a little effort, can’t the spiral work in reverse? The book is great, even if you only read half of it like I think I did. Also, it talks a lot about the importance of deep breathing and your nervous system.

•Walk. Seriously, go for a walk. Today. Even if it’s only 15 minutes a day. It’s so important for your brain. You might not feel the effects right away but do it for a few days in a row and I PROMISE it will make you feel better and calm your mind a bit. Once you get the hang of it, increase your physical activity. It can be anything! Just MOVE. Your body needs to physically process all that cortisol and bad mojo. Also, you’ll spend time outside (hopefully getting a little sun?) looking at trees, people walking dogs, birds chirping, squirrels running around fighting over nuts, etc. It’s good stuff.

•Journal. Not like the instagram models who bullet journal and all that. Just grab a cheap notebook and write down how you’re feeling. That’s all. How do you FEEL? Numb? Write about how numbness feels. Angry? Hopeless? Exhausted? Write it down. You need to get those thoughts OUT of your head and journaling is one of the easiest, fastest, and cheapest ways to do that.

•Find a good therapist so that you can learn about YOUR depression. This is easier said than done but somehow I worked up the strength to make ONE appointment with 2 different therapists. I told them how I felt and I listened to what they said. One guy gave me weird vibes so he was out. The other woman was thoughtful and smart and two years later, we still speak every week for an hour. Therapy has felt like a college course in my personal psychology. I’m learning more about how my brain works. My thought patterns, what sets me off, etc. One of my doctor’s told me in our first visit, “Most people know what kind of car they drive, but they have no idea what kind of brain they have!”

•Meds. I’m on meds (and have been for decades) but I don’t really want to comment on them too much since it’s such a hot topic. I don’t think they’re anything to be ashamed of, but I also don’t think they’re something to be promoted because it’s so individual. My dose was increased when I was at my lowest and it helped but it’s never been a cure-all. However, I do think for some people in some situations, meds can be a lifesaver. It’s complicated. Do your research and meet with a psychiatrist (not a GP) and meet with them at least 2-3 times before they write you a prescription. Find someone you trust that listens to you and isn’t too quick to throw a bunch of pills at you.

For me, the things above were the most helpful tips I can give to anyone who doesn’t know where to start treating their depression. 

Here’s a bunch of other things that have helped me. However, don’t try to introduce a bunch of stuff into your life all at once. You probably won’t even have the energy and it’s just too overwhelming. Start small. But in case you’re wondering, here are some helpful things that I’ve slowly introduced to my life:

•Avoiding alcohol and/or added sugars makes me feel better. I don’t cut it out of my life but my awareness can increased. And awareness of this stuff is crucial! ( “Oh, when I do ____, I feel worse! I will now try to avoid that thing, especially when I’m already feeling bad.”)

•Got a dog! Our pets are a HUGE stress reducer and mood elevator. It’s scientifically proven that caring for something other than yourself gets you out of your head and makes you feel better. Even a plant can help.

•Coffee helps lift my mood in the morning (it’s a stimulant after all) but it can increase anxiety/racing thoughts so I stick to one cup in the morning and that’s it.

•Cannabis is something that I never used to use but it’s been very helpful (way better than benzos!!) It’s another controversial and complicated subject but I want to be honest.

•Meditation. I often can’t just sit and wait for my mind to quiet down. It’s hard and I get distracted. But certain kundalini and hindu meditation practices have been incredibly helpful. They’re active and effective. I’ve been taking classes on zoom throughout quarantine and it’s been really mind-blowing. Lots of breathing exercises and intense practices.

•Gardening. During quarantine, I’ve fallen into gardening HARD and love it. Haven’t done it since I was a kid (never had a yard as an adult until now!). It’s meditative, I sweat out in the sun, and I like digging around in the dirt like a dog. Gets me out of the house and getting out of the house when you’re depressed is super important.

•Yoga. It’s true. All that hippie dippy stuff really works! Yoga helps “reconnect” your body and mind. It’s physical exercise but it’s gentle and calming. Mainly, I find it fun and that’s really important. Find something physical that’s FUN. You don’t have to go for long runs or whatever. I hate running but I LOVE getting on my bike.

•Don’t read the news. If a bomb is gonna drop on your head, your neighbor will tell you. In a depressed state, you don’t need other people’s problems. You’ve got plenty of your own. The news is there to freak you out and you don’t need it. Avoid social media if you can as well. Too many loud people shouting! The social media companies and news organizations want you to stay glued to their platforms freaking out and believing that we’re all doomed. Don’t fall for it!

My diet could be better and my sleep is still not great. But I’m doing much better these days and you can too. Depression is a liar so don’t believe its lies. You can and will feel better. It’s going to take some effort but take it one step at a time and then pat yourself on the back for each step you take! No step is too small. Hell, pat yourself on the back if you read all of my ramblings! It’s all about moving towards a better place. Best of luck. You can do it.

[laffinandlovin-blog]

It’s a long post today folks!

I would like to begin this post with the assurance that I am safe and under the great care of amazing mental health professionals.  I’m surrounded by the love of amazing friends and family.  It is not lost on me that I am incredibly lucky to be employed and therefore have the opportunity to have great healthcare.  Not everyone can afford professional care.  Because of To Write Love On Her Arms, more people can.  Because of To Write Love On Her Arms, I have a permanent community of support.  I know I am about to share very personal information.  I also know that when I’ve done so before, someone has always reached out in appreciation.  I’m not writing for appreciation.  I’m writing with hope that someone feels less alone.  I am writing to combat the stigma that we cannot talk about mental health.  If I have learned anything (and I’ve learned much), I have learned that it is okay to ask for help.  It is ok not to be okay.  I have learned that the bad feelings ALWAYS pass but some storms last longer than others.  This pandemic has been incredibly difficult for many people.  Some people experienced depression and anxiety for the first time and others felt their depression and anxiety amplify to new levels.  I’m writing to say: I am here for you.  I see you.  I believe you.  I’m also here to say thank you.  Thank you to the friends and family members meet me in the sadness and love me because of it not in spite of it.  Thank you for the hard conversations, the song recommendations, the cards, the IG messages, taking me to the doctor, holding me when I cry even though I’m not a hugger, for taking me to the ER junior year of college when I had a debilitating anxiety attack, and most of all for accepting the good days, the ugly cries, the loud and obnoxious laugh, and the understanding that I have a mental illness-I am not an illness.

Here’s the abridged version.

About 15 years ago I successfully convinced myself that I was stupid while studying for Chemistry as a sophomore.  I just did not get it.  I went to a private all-girl college prep school.  Academics were intense.  I worked my tail off, fell asleep with my books in my arms, and obsessed over school work.  I was never very good at positive self-talk- I constantly put myself down.  I was too fat, too dumb, didn’t have weekend plans therefore I had no friends.  I was “too sensitive” and I became disgusted with myself.  I would cry and cry and cry because I just did not know how to get past these hurdles-the doubt bullies.  My dad would pick me up from school every day and the tears would come.  At the time we didn’t know I was dealing with a major depressive disorder.  I was told I had nothing to cry about at 16 and asked why I was so miserable.  I believed that I was truly just a miserable and moody teenager-don’t we all go through that phase?  Sometimes at night when I was studying I would bang my head against my bedroom wall questioning why I was so stupid, why I didn’t have any friends, and why I was so ugly.  I look back now and know that was the depression talking.  I never got lower than a B on a report card, I was student council president, and I had many friends.  However, I didn’t know how to get the depression to just shut up already.  

Those formative high school years and the negative mantras shaped my journey into adulthood.  I successfully convinced myself that I was unattractive and undeserving of romantic love or any love for that matter.  I would scratch my arms to feel some physical pain to make sense of the internal pain.  

Amazing people were sprinkled into my life since the time I was in grade school (friends) and since birth (family).  I had no idea how to explain my experiences with depression to my family.  By the time I got to college I had become pretty set in my ways and my detrimental thinking.  I remember calling my mom during what was most likely my first panic attack during college.  She assured me that it was probably my nerves and stress (which were huge contributors) and to “try some tea and listen to Johnny”.  John Mayer’s music was the first that I was able to identify with in terms of anxiety and depression.  It wasn’t his most popular stuff but it was a lifeline for me.  I also found in college a group of friends that became my chosen family.  They didn’t understand my illness either but they were and are the most patient, supportive, and caring people I could have ever hoped to meet and still be close with 14 years later.  

After year after graduating college, I moved to Boston.  My relationship with Boston is a pretty great love story because of the people I met there.  For the first time in my life I met people who struggled with self-worth, self-injury, and relied on medication to keep themselves safe.  During a particularly difficult season of my depression, I began self-harming.  My therapist and I decided it was best for me to begin an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program).  For 3 hours a night, 3 nights each week, for 6 weeks I attended a program where was enveloped in acceptance.  I have never had plans to take my life however, I have thought that the life I was living just wasn’t worth it.  I thought for sure that the best part of my life was behind me and that I really didn’t have much worth living for.  I was convinced that I was a lost cause.  The effectiveness of the meds always wore off and there were weeks at a time when I questioned if this life was worth fighting for.  I found friends in Boston that I still reach out to to this day when things are feeling very low.  Those people, unfortunately, know what it’s like to question if this is all worth it.  Those people, fortunately, remind me that the fog does lift even if it feels like it’s all I know.  

Now at 32, I still struggle almost daily.  Where I am at 32 is very different than what I envisioned.  I have wanted to be a mom since as long as I can remember (I had 40 baby dolls as a child and they all had names.  They were also my students in my pretend classroom in my basement.). I long for romantic love.  Someone who I can love and be loved by.  But the real love.  That person who can call me out and be my biggest fan.  And vice versa.  Someone with a big heart and an accepting mind.  This is getting gushy.  I regress.  And to be a mom. I long to be a person who is fortunate enough to create her family and love her job and her friends and dogs and stand up for others and speak out against injustice.  I’m not there yet, but I’m getting closer every day.

When I look back on my experiences thus far with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, I think about just how lucky I am that I have a sister, brother, parents, cousins, aunts, childhood friends, high school friends, high school teachers, college friends, Italy friends, furry friends, Boston friends and roommates who have loved me through my darkest times.  I am amazed by the support, both of those who haven’t had experience with mental illness before loving me and those to whom I am forever connected because of our similar experiences.  My people are #worthlivingfor.

There is so much #worthlivingfor.  I’m so glad I’m here to experience it.  

I am fundraising with @twloha​ to help provide access to counseling for those who need support.  Please visit https://give.twloha.com/fundraiser/2871863 .

Thank you for reading this. personal message.  It was long and it was sensitive.  I am grateful for the courage to share and thankful for every listening ear and kind heart.  I could write pages more.  But today I encourage you to share what is #worthlivingfor in your life.  Tag me (@lafferrx on Insta).  Spread the love- the world needs it more than ever.

[if-there-was-any-more-left-of-me]

I need to get this all down.

I shake all day long. My hands mostly, but my whole body too.

I'm always either starving or nauseous and wanna throw up. Nothing I eat makes it better. I crave garbage food and shovel down sugary snacks as fast as I can.

I'm always bloated, painfully so, and gassy. My stomach is swollen and hard, and it hurts to sit, stand, or lay down. I'm constipated most of the week, then visited with violent, painful, explosive diarrhea.

I'm thirsty and I drink and drink and drink but I never feel better.

I can't go to sleep til 5 or 6 am. I wake up at 7 or 8,go back to sleep, wake up at 11 or so and eat breakfast then go back to sleep til 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 pm. When I wake up, I am always The Most Tired I have ever been. I never wake up feeling happy or rested or content. I often have these really intense dreams that are more exhausting than being awake and I wake up panting, shaking, hot and sweaty (even with AC, a fan, and just a sheet), and feeling as though I had been clenching my whole body tight for hours.

Every sound is the most annoying sound ever. The radio, people talking, electronics, pet lickiing foot, water filter. My ears feel big and hollow and resonate these sounds like a big empty tin barn. Some sounds feel more like a thin, long drill bit being driven deep down in my ear.

I can't smile or laugh. I can't lift my head up.

I am so depressed and so angry. I hate the government, I hate the public for letting it all happen, I hate my mother for squandering our money and getting my health insurance canceled and for acting like she's not responsible for me being so sick.

I hate being trapped in this house where I can't even flush the toilet. I hate that my only outing is driving to go feed all the cats.

I hate that I can't use my phone consistently to escape because of the shitty service. I hate that my friends have all forsaken me and don't even wonder about me let alone want to see me.

My memory is gone. I can't remember anything, what time it is, what day it is, who I was just talking to, what I ate for breakfast. I don't know anything. My brain doesn't work. I used to be funny and clever and genuinely smart. But right now I can't figure out how to turn the shower on. People ask me questions and I can't answer. I can't listen to conversation because I dissociate so hard.

My head hurts all the time. Much worse having to drive facing the sunset. I can't see from it. Just painful white glare.

My diabetic neuropathy is getting much worse than the Gabapentin can handle. My feet are numb and everything I touch hurts my hands. Having to do things with my fingers is excruciating.

My back hurts all the time, whether I am trying to work or not. In addition to my lower back injury, it now hurts up high. Any way I move my neck or arms hurts.

I am dizzy all the time. Standing up feels woozy and thick. My knees, ankles, hips buckle when I walk. Obviously, walking hurts my numb feet. I have no sense of balance anymore. I used to be strong and steady.

Without my insurance, I can't follow through with the important testing my GI doctor was doing, which was originally to find out what was causing all my digestive problems, but then also included making sure something she found wasn't cancerous. But that's not important.

I can't afford my allergy pills, which are not important.

I can't see my podiatrist to fix my horribly painful ingrown toenails. Not important.

Can't see the pain management doctor who prescribes my pain medication and does minor pain alleviating procedures. Not important.

Can't see my psychiatrist who was in the process of trying out new depression medication and getting me to a level of functioning. I'm stuck in limbo with a medication that doesn't work for me.

Definitely can't see a therapist cuz even if I could afford it, I would be told every day what a waste it is and that I should manage my problems like SHE does, by yelling at my family and belittling my elderly husband (no that was a actual conversation we had)

Can't afford to get my regular blood work done by my regular doctor that she always insists we do monthly because we're very sick, unmanaged diabetics. I'm not even getting to take the diabetes medication I'm supposed to I'm just taking whatever free samples she has in office

God I miss going to the doctor. But that's not important. You know what's important? A 2005 red ford mustang pony edition that's held under titlemax. I have been told many times that that car will not be relenquished no matter what else has to go. I think that includes m8. Because I am very sick but I keep being told that I am imagining that I can't go to the doctor. I'm imagining that I can't afford my prescription.

Am I imagining the sick cat with a massive infection that's eaten a 2" by 4" patch of skin off his back that he licks raw every day? Am I imagining not being able to afford to take him to the vet? Am I imagining the massive tumors on HER dog? The dozens of them? I guess it's fine that she dies as long as we get to keep the mustang.

I am definitely imagining that the house is infested with millions of fleas and we can't afford the good medication (ie the $15/animal stuff that actually kills fleas) for 3 dogs and 16 cats.

Definitely imagining not being able to get get 14 wild kittens spayed and homed.

But I know I am not imagining the dozens of stray cats we spend more money on every day that we feed. Those are real.

More real I guess than my sister's need for therapy or my dad's need for dental surgery after all of his teeth have rotted out and the infection is getting ready to spread.

But that's not important. My teeth aren't important and it is definitely my fault for not going to the dentist that I have holes and cavities and pain and shit and definitely not because SHE complained constantly about me wasting money by going to the dentist every year (back when we had money) and then obviously not going anymore once the money dried up.

I remember her screaming at me in 2017,threatening to tell the doctors and police that I refused to take my medicine so they'd lock me up because she didn't like how I responded to some of the dozen different meds I tried that year. I remember because now she has convinced herself that I never take my medicine and that all my problems would go away if I would just take my medicine.

I'm so sick. I'm so scared. I'm so angry. I don't know what to do. I just want to scream and tear myself open.

It's getting worse. And every time I say that I'm upset about concentration camps or not being able to get the medicine I need, I get told to take more medicine. I can't take this level of invalidation. The gaslighting. I do not know what is real anymore.

This seems like an afterthought but I also can't buy any healthy snacks to maybe cut back on the horrifying amount of sugar I consume every day because all the food money goes to pet food and sugary treats. And I get yelled at for asking for less sugar in the house. Told to just eat something else but there is nothing else. I don't know what to do. Lacy makes these watery soups out of whatevers in the fridge to feed us. But I want real food.

I can't stop shaking. I know why I am so goddamn sick. Because I am malnourished, angry, frightened, stressed out to the maximum, and have no recourse. Every complaint is met with gaslighting or being told to take more antidepressants, as though they're some kind of magic happy pills.

I want to check myself into the hospital but I can't afford it. I would have already killed myself but I am not villainous enough to abandon my 85 yr old deaf dad whose had 4 strokes and does all the outside work and whom mom screams and ridicules mercilessly. And my sister who's anxiety is on a hair trigger and whom mom loves to trigger and laugh at her panic.

I need a miracle. I need help. I need someone to fucking shoot me in the face. God kill me please I can't take this anymore please

[petshrink]

Psychiatric meds

Human doctors and veterinarians like to playfully joke around about how our careers are different. You may have heard the phrase “real doctors treat more than one species.” I try to steer clear of that because dear lord I am so glad that they are around to treat people because I absolutely do NOT want to do that. Human nurses are just pure heroes to me.

But one thing many pet owners don’t realize is that the goal of treating chronic illness is different. In people, the goal has historically been to lengthen life as long as possible (though hospice and end of life choices are getting better). The goal in vet med is always quality of life, not quantity. I first realized this regarding oncology. As a young vet tech I never understood why someone would put their pet through chemo just so their pet could live a few more months and be miserable.

The fact is that I was totally mistaken. The entire point is to not have the pet be miserable at all! Whereas chemo drugs in humans make people really sick because the intent is to cure, we focus in vet med on making sure the pet feel as great as possible. That drug makes your dog nauseous? We find another one or we prescribe anti-nausea meds.

The same is true for psychiatric medications for pets. As a whole, veterinary behaviorists are incredibly intolerant of side effects. When I discuss putting your pet on an antidepressant, it is because the risk of side effects is less severe than the risk of not treating this problem. However if your dog does have side effects (most common being lethargy, decreased appetite, and agitation) I will most likely tell you to stop giving it. We have other options that your pet’s body may tolerate better. Sure, if the appetite is just slightly decreased the body will adjust in a couple of weeks with no harm done. If your dog has to be carried outside for 2 weeks because he has no interest in ANYTHING, that’s completely unacceptable.

That’s a quick note to my vet friends - I saw a dog that was started on fluoxetine before getting to my office that was actually that lethargic for a full 2 weeks. The owners were told that was normal. It’s not. And if you have any questions, find the closest vet behaviorist to you (Dacvb.org) and they will be happy to let you know what’s normal and what’s not.

Remember, people have individual variations as well. You and I may both take Zoloft, and one does great while the other one has horrible side effects. I choose my preferred med based on what neurotransmitter I want to modulate most in that patient, but if it doesn’t work, I try something else. Oh, and that also means dosing in pets is different from people. That makes the pharmacists really happy when we call in diazepam for a dog that needs it 3 times a day (omg they hate me so much).

One of my colleagues uses the phrase “more dog, less fear” which is a great way to put it. I go out of my way to explain this to clients, write it in the discharge, and then still get follow up that they are super freaked about giving their dog psychiatric meds.

Do I ever use meds that cause sedation? Absolutely. If your pet needs some happy pills to decrease anxiety and make them super sleepy before vet visits, heck yeah that’s ok. I’d rather your storm phobic or noise phobic dog ride out the hurricane or 4th of July happy and sleeping, rather than having a panic attack. But those are temporary situations and those medications only last a few hours.

What we want is for you to see the best version of your pet, the happy and stress-free version that you fell in love with, more often!

And yes, I happily use supplements as well and we always recommend pairing medications with behavior modification. We monitor lab work annually and have many pets on these types of medications the majority of their lives without seeing changes to their liver or kidneys. And still we check. Because we want what’s best for your pet!

Sorry for the long post, this has just been popping up a lot lately.

[mylifeasatransferstudent]

Where to Begin?

CW: Suicidal thoughts/ contemplations/ plans, sexual abuse/ some strong language/ honestly if you’re my family you probably don’t want to read this

In order to explain where I am today—physically and mentally—I need to set up an understanding of what exactly lead me to where I am today.

When I was a freshman in high school, I was hospitalized for my mental health. I didn’t know why, but I was suicidal and spent 14? days in the hospital where I was prescribed Prozac. I was diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder, on top of my preexisting ADHD.

At the time I just said all of my mental health issues were due to the fact that I was adjusting to the new circumstances of my home life: My parents were divorced; my mom had just moved to Georgia to be with her boyfriend; my grandmother moved as well but to Central California to be with my cousins; and the cherry on top had been the fact that 9 people (only 4 of which were my kin, at least 2 were drug addicts) were now living in my childhood home, a four-bedroom and two-bathroom house. It was old (I think it was built in the 70s). We also seemed to be running an animal shelter (5 dogs and 3 cats. Two of the cats were not spayed and had litters at the same time so I think at one point we had 9 total cats). No one, myself included, seemed to care about the cleanliness of the house; however, when I was stressed and life seemed like too much to bare, I would clean which was the only time any cleaning would get done.

So yeah that seemed like a good enough reason to want to die.

 I got out of the hospital sometime after Valentine’s Day and I went back to school. I seriously can’t clearly remember anything that happened while I was on Prozac. It’s all fuzzy like a movie I watched only one time and I was drunk when I watched it. I have only one fairly clear memory from this time:

I was in my first hour class, Physical Science (which I think was my favorite class freshman year) and my teacher was talking and I could see his mouth move but I could not comprehend anything he said. It was like he was an adult in Charlie Brown. The bell rang and I couldn’t move. One of my classmates nudged me and I awoke from my daze to a puddle of drool on my notebook.

You see 14 days isn’t enough time to see how your body reacts to a new drug plus a hospital does not have the same stimuli as a classroom. I was given a drug and I could not see a doctor to alter my meds. Everyone on my insurance was not accepting new patients, but I could not take the Prozac anymore. Fuck America’s mental health care system. My dad saw how much worse off I was on the Prozac that he weened me off of it and I had to learn to cope on my own.

I failed 3 classes that year.

 Sophomore year, my home life hadn’t improved much and my eldest brother went to rehab. That took an emotional toll. Especially the “family week” which was toward the end and we set boundaries with each other and learned what the signs of relapse are. Each family member had to write a letter “When you do drugs it makes me feel like…if you continue to do drugs I will…if you steal from me…if you lie to me..” things like that to set boundaries on both sides. Now really all I knew was that my brother had sold my Zune and a few other things that were mine, so I just had to say don’t steal from me. When he read the letter he had wrote to me he looked me in the eyes and said, “You will not bring up anything I have done to you. If you do I will end the conversation then and there and walk away.”

I felt a lump form in my throat and eyes began to water. I just nodded and held back the tears. I knew I wasn’t wrong this whole time; I knew I wasn’t sick; I knew I hadn’t imagined it. He knew. He remembers. But for now that was all I got.

He was released, went into a ¾ home, relapsed, repeat. Now he’s been sober for a couple of years I think. Good for him.

 Junior year I think was the most uneventful year as far as my mental health goes. I grew closer to friends and really it was a good year.

 Senior year I took on more responsibility and was 2nd VP of JCL. My depression reared its ugly head. I was suicidal again. I had panic attacks almost daily and my dad would check me out of class, so I almost always missed my 7th hour which was Pre Cal. I was horrible at 2nd VPing and the other JCL officers decided to take action.

They wrote a letter and gave it to our Latin teacher and she read it to me. I cried and after my Latin class was over I ran into the restroom and sobbed. I thought I was going to throw up from crying so much. The bell rang for my English class to begin and I hugged the toilet. I began to calm down but even so I hated myself for being so weak I couldn’t handle any form of criticism. I thought about the scissors I had in my backpack. It would be so easy I thought. So easy and then I would have to worry about anything anymore. Weakness isn’t a problem when you’re dead. When you’re suicidal, this is the logic that your brain wants to follow, but you can’t let it. Find something to act as an anchor. People always say live for yourself, but when your self-worth is less than a penny, that seems like a dumb argument. What I wanted to live for I really didn’t know. But I knew I didn’t want to die where my best friend could be the one to find the body and her class was right across the hall. So I sent my dad a text to come get me and he did.

All of this is to say: I didn’t apply to any colleges because I didn’t know if I was going to be alive at the end of senior year.

By the way I failed 2 classes senior year. Still graduated class of 2014.

Fall of 2014 my dad and I move to Houston for his job and because I wasn’t staying at that house. Spring of 2015 I start as a Theater Major at a community college. I really didn’t know what I wanted to do but I knew I liked acting. Summer I work at a Girl Scout camp. Fall 2015 I had a problem getting registered for class, so took semester off and did a community play “Guards! Guards!” Spring 2016 I do just some basics at school and change my major to math. That summer I returned to camp then that fall go back to school and get a job at Space Center Houston. Dec 2018 I got my Associates in Mathematics.

At some point during all of this and I’m leaning more toward late ‘15 early ’16 I went to visit my grandparents. My brother was living with them. He says he needs to talk to me so we go outside.

He said he had done somethings to me a brother never should. He apologized. He said drugs aren’t an excuse for what he’s done. He said that someone had done it to him so he thought it was okay to do the same.

I was stunned into silence—just like when he was in rehab setting boundaries. Everything came flooding back. It had happened when I was still very young, I know I was somewhere between 10 because I hadn’t started my period yet and that was at 11 and he was still in school (he was a dropout). He performed oral sex on me and made me reciprocate. I had no idea what was happening but I knew it was wrong. I think it may have happened more than once, but I know that this set a foundation for my anxiety and my inability to say no or speak up to defend myself. I was petrified when I told one of his friends what he had done to me and he asked me to do the same for him. Then he went bragging to my brother about it and my brother started to fight him and yell racial slurs saying he never wanted to see him around our house again and that was my fault. They had a falling out because of me.

My parents said that any girl who does exactly what she’s asked in a sexual context, who doesn’t put up a fight, has no respect for herself. If you don’t respect yourself no one else would either. My parents didn’t respect me then, and if I told them, I knew they would blame me for having no self-respect. So I ignored it. Pretended like it never happened. I convinced myself that I had made it up. I was sick and disgusting for imagining these things. For years, even after rehab, I thought it was all in my head. He was always my favorite brother. I always wanted to do what he did. He played baseball, I signed up for T-ball; he joined swim team, so did I; he was a goalie, I became one too. And I kept up that illusion.

To this day I have only had a less than five minute conversation with him about what he did and that was his “apology” which was just another one of his 12-steps. I feel like it wasn’t even real.

 So here we are now 2019. September 6th is my three year anniversary at Space Center Houston. And I have transferred to a 4-year school to get my bachelor’s in Geology. I have moved to Shreveport. 

From here on out this blog is going to be about what I think of as I’m getting use to living on my own in a city that I’m only vaguely familiar with as a new transfer student who is nearly 24 years old.  

[espship18]

Kpop ship for chimchimsugakookies

Sup y’all, how ya doin? I have another ship here and I have one for @chimchimsugakookies ! I really enjoyed doing this ship, you sound lovely! Let’s go! Plus, I decided to post this early, because you’d been so understanding! Thank you!! <3

Based off of your request, I learned these things about you: 

You’re 5′8 with fair skin and blue eyes

You are the mom friend of the group 

Childish, but serious when needed 

You love music and dancing 

You’re able to play the violin OMG SAME I PLAYED FOR YEARS

You’re very friend a family oriented 

Going to med school soon 

Dislikes: dresses and skirts 

Meme dealer 

And in your request, you have been asked to be shipped with Day6, iKon, and Seventeen! I loved this ship, so let’s go right in!

Day6: Sungjin 

So after I chose Sungjin for this ship, I did not doubt myself for a minute. I wanna give a disclaimer that your ships will contain a lot of domestic feels, so you have been warned. I know this will sound weird, but you and Sungjin are a ultimate parent couple to your other friends. It’s very sweet because you two are very close knit to each other, once you get together, it’s hard to separate you, and you two also know so much about each other, you two compliment each other perfectly in your movements. You two just have that perfect lovers/best friend bond and it is something to be envious about tbh, I love it. I feel like you two would be generally responsible. You make good and logical decisions, you two keep yourself on schedules, and you two also make sure to take care of one another, this is a biggie. You are normally very adamant on Sungjin’s health. You want to make sure he is A-Okay always whether it be mentally, physically, or inside(like his organs and stuffs). You always go the extra mile to make sure he’s okay. And in return for your gracious efforts to keep him in line, Sungjin will provide for you in anyway he can. If you need extra money for gas, or groceries, or need a little extra love time because you’re stressed, Sungjin has got you covered. He loves taking care of you and being that extra pair of arms that you need sometimes. A random thought, but I think you and Sungjin would have a large collection of fuzzy blankets and pillows. I’ll touch more on this topic in the PDA section in the end. Moving along, I can see music being a big part in your relationship. Okay listen up, imagine you and Sungjin laying together on the balcony of your apartment at night, with a fire going in front of you, you and Jin are snuggled up to each other, and Sungjin is playing his guitar. Wholesome. Also, I can see Sungjin taking a liking to when you practice your violin. He would think the sound of the violin to be very soothing, so he’d like to stick by, and he’d lounge back and doze off to your violin. Instead of date night talk, I wanna talk about this cuddle time you two have. With all those fuzzy blankets and pillows mentioned earlier, you and Sungjin would be nap gods, and you'd always want to take a nap when you’re home together. You two would want nothing but the best quality blankets for the best nap time. Moving on lastly to PDA, you two would hold hands SO MUCH! Hand holding would be Sungjin’s favorite. Soft giggles, leaning into each other embrace and so many peck cheeks, ahh it’s precious!

iKon: Donghyuk 

This is such a wholesome and domestic ship, okay? We’re gonna agree on this, and I will explain the methods to my madness. When you are with Donghyuk, you do not have to worry about a thing. Consider your boyfriend here as a superhero. It’d be so cute because his contact name on your phone would most likely be ‘my superhero’ because you two do cheesy stuffs like that. When you and Donghyuk would meet, I can see you two clicking together right away, your bright personalities would work wonderfully together and when you’d be together, you’d never want to leave each others sides- you’d be so interested to know more about each other. You and Dong would forever be in the honeymoon faze tbh. You’d fall so hard for each other very easily, and lowkey, it wouldn’t surprise me if you two would develop some kind of separation anxiety. I know that sounds a little extreme, but you two are just crazy about each other and you wouldn’t like to be away from each other for very long. You’d also be very clingy to each other, so you don’t separate much. But you two also know how to be practical and not try to smother each other. I know that sounds a little all over the place, but you two would work out processes so you’ll know when to be clingy and when not to be clingy. I wanna go back to the super hero thing for a hot second bc omg I am soft. Okay so, the tea. Donghyuk is just a flat out king. He is a king at being there for you when it comes to school. He’s also the king at spa nights. You need a study partner? He’s on it. Need a break from studying? He’ll make you snacks to recharge. Having difficulties remembering the human nervous system? Donghyuk has a hack on how to remember- and he gets to be the dummy. Although Dong never asks for anything in return for helping you, you love to help him out, with things like little lunch visits or date nights. Dancing is a big thing for you two, and I think it would be cute if your date nights were going to different studios around town and trying out new dance styles. Then at the very end of the night, you and Dong always dance to a slow song. It’s a very nice tradition. I can also see you two spending a lot of time with each others families. You each would be well acquainted with each others families and you’d spend a lot of Sunday evenings with your families. Lastly, PDA wise, you are handled like glass. Very soft kisses with pecks on your lips, forehead, and cheeks. Foreheads touching each other and Donghyuk’s arms wrapped around you securely. Hot dog I am so soft. 

 Seventeen: Jeonghan  

Okay so, here is another wholesome and cute ship. The whole basis for your relationship is that you two are blonde cuties who loves naps and snuggles. Also, you two scream married couple material to me, and you can not change my mind. You’re just too cute and soft! You two are also very giggle and mischievous babes as well. By nature, you would highkey baby Jeonghan a lot. You wouldn’t go to extremes or anything, just enough to help him out since he’s really busy sometimes. Plus, Jeonghan doesn’t mind it, he prefers to be taken care of, but he also likes to help you out when you’re busy and need to stay in line. Jeonghan would be really good at paying attention to you, like watching your body language or facial expressions, and he’d also pay close attention to details. Whether it’s something that makes you tick, or you don't like, or what you love, Jeonghan would always try to pay attention to those details, because he’s a whole king, and he will pay attention to those details- I promise you. Moving right along, you two are also each others cheerleaders. I try to keep my ships even between the people, but tbh, you would be such a big cheerleader for him. Jeonghan is a freaking celebrity for crying out loud! So, you’re gonna do the best you can to support your love. You always try your absolute best to come to concerts or come to the studio. Then sometimes if you have a lot of homework, you will bring it to Jeonghan’s work and while he either does vocal stuff or dance practices, you’re in a little nook somewhere, doing your homework and studying, then when Jeonghan get’s out for breaks, you hang out with him. You love being proactive and supportive. Also, I wanna make a note of this, PET NAMES. His favorite nickname for you is Angel. You highkey find it sweet he’d take a part of him and share it with you, it’s all soft, okay? You also have so many nicknames from Jeonghan’s fellow group mates because you’re practically like family to them. The boys absolutely adore you(HAH) and they always support you two. For date night, you two stick to staying it, mostly for healing time(HA HA HA). Life is very stressful for you both sometimes, but you two love to lay back and relax, and nap. Jeonghan takes these times to mom you tbh. He'll give you a hoodie or sweatshirt of his to you, and you two can simply hang out and relax in the comfort of each other. Lastly PDA/lovey stuff. You two would have interesting and creative ways of saying ‘I love you’. Whether it be memes, tbh, they’re almost always memes, and for PDA, omg listen here. So much hand holding omg, he’s highkey shy about it though, it’s super sweet. Y’all are both needy for kisses. He loves to spin you around, and give you big loving smiles. 

~STA

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #166

“you are my slave, my little fucking disaster.”

Are your eyes the same color as your mom’s or your dad’s? Neither's. Are you afraid of elevators? YEP. When was the last time you pulled an all-nighter? What was the reason behind it? How did you feel the next day? No less than a month ago when I was binging someone on YouTube...  Maybe Shane? Which of the following areas is going best for you right now: finances, work, love life, social life or education? Why do you say this? Lol only my love life is going well. All the other categories are on fire rn. :^) Have you ever heard of somebody doing something disrespectful to somebody’s grave? Or seen vandalism on a grave/gravestone? No, thank goodness. What is something you do differently, depending on your mood, environment, etc. (could be anything from what kind of outfit you choose to how you react when somebody irritates you)? Well, dress, for one. I'm at home, I'm permanently in pjs. I try not to swear around kids. Lots of other stuff... This question is pretty broad. What was the last song to bring out strong emotions in you? I'm not sure. Metaphorically speaking, what was the last thing to crush you? Finding out my cousin can die at the snap of a finger. You are about to die; what do you do with your worldly possessions? Give 'em to family and charities. Do you take vitamins daily? No. Do you know anyone that’s handicapped? Probably. Do you know any illegal immigrants? I did, but he got deported after he fucked up with getting involved in crime. Do you own any formal gowns/tuxes? I have one black dress I'd wear to certain occasions if I could actually fit in it, which I definitely could not currently. Can you sit for long periods of time? NO. Pretty sure my surgery caused a sensitive nerve, because afterwards, I couldn't and still can't sit very long without getting up being horrendous and slow. Do you have any cavities? Just one I'm scheduled to get fixed next month. What’s the most attractive thing on the opposite sex?
 Why do I like shoulder blades so much like why Do you regularly experience pain in any part of your body? My knees constantly hurt. Wish I knew why. Last place you flew to on a plane? Chicago, and I'm going again real soon. :') Does Europe or Asia sound more appealing to you for a vacation? Ugh both. But it's more likely I'll see Europe. Who was the last person to give you a hickey? If ever. He Who Shall Not Be Named. What is your lover's middle name? Jane. Who was the last person to flirt with you, other than your lover? I don't think anyone. What’s your favorite type of sushi? Never tried it, not interested. What’s your favorite patriotic song? All that's coming to mind is "Courtesy of the Red, White, And Blue" by Toby Kieth. It's pretty catchy. Have you ever read a book about a character in a psych ward? No, but that'd actually be really interesting and maybe relatable to me... though that could also prove dangerous and triggering, too. Have you ever been in a mental hospital as a patient? Five or six times, I stopped paying attention at four. Whose place did you last chill at and with who? Colleen's. Have you ever been lead on? I don't think so. Have you ever slept with a member of the opposite sex without having sex? Well yeah, we were in a long-term relationship, we were just about an old married couple just like "nah son we going to bed." Sleeping with each other was enough. What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? Peasant, I won the D.A.R.E. writing contest in the 5th grade, I say hugs not drugs. Has someone close to you died of a murder? No. How often do you brush your hair? Every time after a shower and before I go out. Short hair makes caring for it so much easier. Did you ever listen to Avril Lavigne when you were younger? Fuck yeah I did. What are three things you refuse to ever do? Prostitute, abuse someone, do drugs. Do you have any medication that you keep with you at all times? Yes, anxiety attack med. What’s something that’s much more difficult than a lot of people realize? Putting on and maintaining a happy face with depression. Have you ever began a relationship with someone you knew for less than a week? No. Do you typically do your make up the same each time? Or do you like to change it up often? It's pretty much the same. What is your favorite breakfast food? Cinnamon rolls. Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? Yeah. When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?” Check your heart if you actually ask yourself this. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No. Have you ever blocked someone on Facebook before? Yeah. Tattoos on your lower back - cute or trashy? Neither, reliant on just placement. I couldn't care less where you get tatted, the location doesn't *automatically* make something (un)attractive. Also, try to convince me how the placement of a tat is "trashy." What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever cried about? There's no telling. Ever faked an orgasm? No. Done something illegal to your car? N/A What scars on your body do you have? Oh, boy... I scar so easily. My worst ones are on my shins from scratching the fuck out of them after shaving, I have two scars from stitches, various cat scratches, a scar from bumping into the side of Venus' cage, one from accidentally scratching my hand pretty bad while washing my feet in the shower (don't even ask how I accomplished that), faint self-harm ones.  I have way too many. Ever date anybody in middle school? One guy. Puppylove. Ever written your number in a public bathroom or a school text book? If so, did anyone actually call you? No. Ever had an infection of any kind? Yeah. Ears, a piercing, a cyst... probably more. Oh, and I have inactive MRSA, if that counts. Would you prefer cherry Cola or vanilla Cola? Omggggggg, gimme cherry. Vanilla Coke is gross. Have you ever tried to draw an anime version of yourself? No. How do you feel when you are ignored? I handle this worse than the average person. No one likes it, but it makes me feel especially unimportant, annoying, and unworthy of any attention, because something must be "wrong" with me. I guess it's maybe an AvPD thing, like I interpret it as rejection. Name a site that you visit everyday. KM. I'm like an overprotective mom of it that has to ensure everything is fine. Have you ever led the prayer at dinnertime? If not, do you want to? I have on Thanksgiving. Would you rather play an instrument or be the singer? If I was actually confident in my voice, sing. Turkey or ham for Thanksgiving? Turkey is too dry, so I was all about spiral ham. Do you celebrate Black Friday? I just shop online if there's a good deal I come across. What song are you listening to right now? "Army Of The Night" by Powerwolf. Have you ever been bitten by an animal? Nipped, sure. Then occasionally a cat would play too rough. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face’s eyes? Colons. At what point were your parents most disappointed in you? I don't know. Have you ever had a tarot reading or palm reading? No, I don't believe they're in any way factual. If you’re no longer in school, what is something you miss about it? If you’re still in school, what’s something you think you’re going to miss about it? I miss at least somewhat of a social life. What is the greatest amount of money you’ve spent on a concert ticket? How much would you be willing to spend to see your favorite band/artist? Idk how much the Alice Cooper tickets were. To see my absolute favorite... maybe $300? Do you use your turn signals when you’re driving? I'll judge you the moment I find out you don't. When you play Monopoly, what game piece do you choose to use for going around the board? The dog. What books (if any) have you read more than once? Meerkat Manor: Flower of the Kalahari and Because of Winn-Dixie off the top of my head. What is something you like to think about while you fall asleep? Happy thoughts. Focus on something good that happened and stuff like that. How long do you think you could tolerate going without showering? There's absolutely no way I could go beyond three. Even after two days, I feel pretty yucky. If you had the power to instantly transform someone’s life (for the better), who would you choose to use this on? My mom. She's never happy and probably doesn't remember what it's like to not be a stressed mess. Does it bother you when surveys ask about political or cultural topics that could possibly be controversial? No. Does someone’s view on homosexuality affect how you feel about them in any way? Yup. How about someone’s view on religion? It depends on which and how hardcore you are about it. Do you wear Crocs? Set them aflame. What’s your favorite thing to have on your bed? Sara. Don't even mean that sexually, it just means I get to cuddle with her lmao. What’s the nicest text in your inbox say? Certainly something saved from Sara. Who was your last missed call? Vocational rehab. The person you have feelings for says he/she wants to have sex, you say? Well first if she was absolutely certain about wanting to. Then I'd be all for it. Do you know how many people your best friend has had sex with? None. KFC or Popeye’s? I don't like fried chicken, like at all. If you could have a neon light sign that said anything you wanted, or looked like anything you wanted, what would it be? I deadass want a retro-style, blue one that reads "but be very Jim" to confuse the unenlightened. What was the last thing to malfunction/break in your house? Was it fixed? Something was wrong with the washer. I think it's been fixed? Or Mom's doing laundry elsewhere. What was the last uncomfortable situation you were in? I was getting my knees x-rayed and of course they needed a billion angles, and I couldn't totally understand what the woman was telling me (very echoey), so I just totally ragdolled and let her do whatever with my legs, but she needed me to readjust a lot and just ugh it was awkward and I felt very annoying. Do you think it is awkward for people over sixteen to have sleepovers? No????? Are you good about sharing your belongings? Are there certain items [aside from obvious things like your underwear] that you wouldn’t be willing to share with anyone? It depends on what it is and who you are. Something I'd share with no one... idk. Will you cry at your wedding? I will get raccoon eyes the moment I see her. What was the last thing you sang? "Where The Wild Wolves Have Gone" by Powerwolf. Gummy bears or Gummy worms? Worms. What’s your middle name(s)? Marie Catherine. If your last ex said they hate you, you say? I wouldn't know what to say; I'd be pretty damn hurt. We've been friends since high school and he's the last "real" friend I have irl. Only one I ever occasionally see, only one who checks up on me. What do you struggle with the most? Anxiety. It affects so many areas of my life. Are you good at giving advice? I don't think I'm bad. Especially if you give me a moment to think on the topic. What do you want to change about your looks? W E I G H T Do any of your pajama pants have holes in them? There's quite a lot in my Batman pair. Old. What do you get cravings for the most? Soda, probably. Do you enjoy watching vlogs? Depends on the person and what I feel up to watching. What is your favorite Halloween candy? Nothing really exclusive to the holiday. Where was your senior prom held? The local community college. What was the theme of your senior prom? Don't remember, actually. Do you know what you want the theme of your wedding to be? If so, what would it be? Sara babe can we do gothic please I'll marry you harder. Did you have low self-esteem growing up? No, it became an actual problem in high school. If you’ve ever had your hair highlighted, what color highlights did you get? Purple and red are the only highlights I've gotten, I think. What color Christmas lights do you like best on your tree? ALL THE COLORS. What do you put on top of your Christmas tree? We tend to alternate between a star and angel. How many proms did you go to? Two. How many boyfriends have you had in your life? Meh, answered this in enough surveys, so I'll just say only one was serious. How many girlfriends have you had in your life? One. Have you ever had a “friend crush” on someone? OH YEAH, I've learned that I have more than once. Think I like someone like that, then nope. Were you ever homeschooled? I was homebound at the end of 8th grade. At what age did you start puberty? Idk. I just know I was normal. Have you ever made a wreath? No. Who was your first roommate? My then-boyfriend, his friend, and his then-girlfriend. What color hair did your first crush have? Brown. Do you know how to change a tire? No. Have you ever passed out? Once, came very close on I think two or three other occasions. Do you prefer notepad or wordpad? Wordpad. Do you eat raw cookie dough? I will risk salmonella for that shit. How old is the last person you kissed? 20. Where does your best friend live? Illinois. How many people have you truly fallen IN love with? Two. Has anybody ever called you a tease? Oh boy. I fucking live off teasing. What about kinky? I was too much of a shy sub for him to ever see that side ha. Where was your mom born? Queens, NY. Have you ever seen your siblings naked? My two immediate sisters, anyway. What do people call you? Brittany, Britt, or Ozz, mostly. What are you doing this weekend? BITCH I'M GETTING MY MARK TATTOO. I made $365 + $20 sitting fee for the wedding shoot so guess what I'm treating myself to. Do you owe anyone money? Who? What for? My old college. Do you like people? Eh. Hard question for me to answer. I think I'm neutral towards the morality of humanity in general, but what's for sure is I don't trust the majority. Do you think you look better with a tan or without? Without. It's all I really know lmao. Would you ever share your most embarrassing moment in a YouTube video? That'd be flagged fast lmao. Regardless, n o p e. What’s your favorite hair color for girls? PASTEL COLORS!!!!! I like dyed hair on anyone okay. What color is your recliner? Don't have one. Do you wear makeup every day, or only on special occasions? Whenever I feel like it, regardless of occasion. What helps you take your mind off your problems? Talk to Sara, RP, watch YouTube... Does your first crush know you liked him/her? Definitely not. Did you ever think your house was haunted? I think my most recent might have been? But idk. Do you have any supernatural gifts or abilities? No. What does your trick-or-treat bag or bucket look like? N/A sadly. :c Do you celebrate Christmas? Yeah. What season would you want to have engagement photos taken in? As much as I hate the season, spring, with l o t s of flowers and sunshine!! You’re in line at Taco Bell, what’s your order? I only ever get a cheese quesadilla and fiesta potatoes. Has anyone ever taken your clothes off of you before? Yeah. Have you ever stayed up at night waiting for someone to call/text you back? Maybe? Have you ever touched a dead body? Dead pets, yes. I might've touched my old babysitter's face or something at her open-casket wake, idr. Have you ever had a real tea party? Or been to one? No. Just the make-believe ones Nicole would want to do as a kid with her Disney set. How do you feel when a mostly unheard of band (or tv show, movie, etc.) that you love suddenly starts to gain popularity? Happy for 'em! Just don't change your style for the sake of appeasing the masses. *coughmaroon5cough* When was the last time you listened to new music? Recently. Gotten into Spotify a bit. Do you think it is strange when a couple says “we are pregnant” rather than “I am pregnant” or “my girlfriend is pregnant”? No, I actually think it's sweet. You're in it together. What word spelled out looks weird to you? "Acquaintance." I can't spell it either; fucked it up first time. Do you require “closure” after things like break-ups or do you move on easily? I need closure. Is there a genre of movie that you just can’t watch? I'm not that into action. Have you ever been on a hot air balloon? No. What was the last seriously painful thing that happened to you? Getting my tragus re-pierced was actually pretty rough since apparently I have thick cartilage and it went through scar tissue. What’s the last rude thing someone said to you? Idk. What does your class ring look like? I didn't buy one. List ten careers you think you’d find interesting. Oh, jeez. Ten? Particularly interesting? I'll try: Paleontologist, biologist, cryptozoologist, zoologist, musician, YouTuber, dancer, taxidermist, snake morph breeder, and uhhhh. Idk. Do you know what you want to do with your life? Yeah. Do you believe in Judgment Day? No. What is the name of your YouTube channel? My current one is 0zzkat. What was the first social media site you joined? MySpace. Where would you most like to do a 24-hour challenge in? List five places. Bitch tbh I don't think I could do any alone lmao. But I'd probably find an old asylum scariest/most interesting. What’s your favorite part of Chinatown? Never been. What are some jobs people in your family have had? List five. Disney World employee, professional cake decorator, mammographer, special ed assistant teacher, and dance instructor. Which Power Ranger was your favorite? Wasn't into that. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Whale sharks oof. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Buy me that Reese's Blast thing from Sonic and I'll be your slave for a day. Do you believe in aliens? I actually do by now. If you were ever sent to prison what crime would you have committed? I've legitimately worried about me killing someone in self-defense but it being ruled as murder or something. @_@ Do you have a picture of you kissing someone? Yeah. Do you have a favorite pillow you always sleep with? No. When was the last time you slept in someone else’s bed? When I was at Sara's. Out of all of your friends who have you gotten in the worst fight with? That I still associate with, Sara. We were lil shits. :'D Who was the last person to have to deal with you having an attitude? Mom. If you had $100 dollars, how would you spend it? Save it to get my laptop fixed. You were given the opportunity to get a new cellular device, what do you choose? Some older iPhone. I don't need something needlessly expensive, just one that isn't actual garbage. Which of your classes in school is most capable of killing a good mood for you? Math was. How nice of a person are you, honestly? Tbfh I think I'm typically too nice. I'm getting better at taking less b.s. now tho. Ever physically fought with member of the opposite sex? No. Ever kissed a friend’s crush? No. Do you swallow gum when you’re finished? Only if I really want it gone but I don't have access to a trashcan. Very rarely does that happen because I feel funny trying to swallow it. Ever had a best friend of the opposite sex? Well when I was dating Jason I considered him my best friend of course, but if you don't count s/os, no. Have you ever kissed in the snow? Probably. Is there someone that you believe you will always be attracted to? Yeah. Do you have something in your room that you never want to get ruined? I would legitimately break down if something happened to my shiny pebble from Holly Hill. I got it on my "graduation;" it symbolized how something beautiful came from harsh conditions or something like that. It was passed around by my teachers and "classmates" for each person to wish me well and just in general say all they wanted to about me while holding it. With how that place truly became my messiah, I couldn't lose that thing, ever. Have you ever made a difference in someone’s life? I'd think so. My parents especially, obviously. Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? OCTOBER 3RD APPROACHES. Do you think dances (prom, homecoming, etc.) are fun or lame? They're overrated. You pay a lot to look nice just to stand around with shit music blaring and being totally unable to hear each other. I truly don't know why I went to two. What was the last thing you tried for the first time? Ummm blue cheese? What was the last thing you learned? Oh jeez, this should be easy with the videos I've been binging lately. Nothing impressive. How often do you visit your relatives? Like, never ever. When was the last time someone admitted to having somewhat of an attraction to you? Sara. What was the last wedding you went to like? Any pictures you’d like to post? It was beautiful and intimate, and it was an absolute honor to be the photographer. I don't feel like fetching pictures, but they're on my photography site and FB page. Has anyone slapped you across the face before? If so, why? No. Do you prefer to have more or less in common with your significant other? More. Would you take a shot of heroin for a million dollars? No, not worth it. Why don’t you talk to your ex anymore? Aaron: Drifted apart. Juan: He's a reckless fool I didn't want to associate with, partly out of fear of his rep, too. Jason: He wanted nothing to do with me.  He claimed it was for my own sake as he didn't want me to develop false hope, but who knows if that was the sole reason. Tyler: He was way too obsessive and wouldn't leave me alone. I still talk to Girt.

[tabloidtoc]

National Examiner, May 3

You can buy a brand new copy of this issue without the mailing label for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Widow Queen Elizabeth suddenly alone at 95

Page 2: Holy Moly! Stars take on film roles of biblical proportions -- Willem Dafoe, Leelee Sobieski, Keanu Reeves, Charlton Heston, Ewan McGregor

Page 3: Jon Voight, Jim Caviezel, Ingrid Bergman, Christian Bale, Max von Sydow, Steve Carell, Milla Jovovich

Page 4: Garden of Delights -- floral fashion unfolds in spring -- Olivia Wilde, Mindy Kaling, Keira Knightley

Page 5: Sarah Paulson, Drew Barrymore, Tiffany Haddish, Penelope Cruz

Page 6: Brooke Shields has finally fought her way back after a nightmarish accident she was terrified would leave her paralyzed after she broke her right femur after falling off a balance board at her New York City gym -- Brooke said it felt like it was all in slow motion and then she just started screaming -- after two surgeries and a nearly three-week hospital stay, Brooke went home to her worried family, husband Chris Henchy and their daughters Rowan and Grier, but her nightmare wasn't over because a serious staph infection sent her back to the hospital for yet another surgery, saying for the first time in her life she thought she can't power through this and she can't even stand on her leg or go up a step and she needs to relearn how to even walk and she kept saying she could feel her toes because she was so afraid she would be paralyzed but if anything, she's a fighter -- now back at home and receiving physical therapy, Brooke feels like she's slowly on her way out of the woods and she knows she's got a long way to go, but she'll get there

Page 7: Do your pets suffer from mental illness? Humans aren't the only ones who can sink into depression or fall victim to stress and anxiety; household pets also have their share of mental illness, usually it's because there's something wrong in their environment and that means they probably don't need meds or a visit to the analyst's couch, just some sensitivity on your part and a little TLC and here's how to tell whether Fluffy, Fido or Tweety have problems you need to address -- dogs can have PTSD, birds get depressed, cats can have OCD, hamsters are hoarders

Page 9: Race Against COVID Mutants -- scientists scramble as virus variations gather strength

Page 10: In an incredible stroke of luck, and savvy cop intuition, a New York State Trooper saved a missing toddler from the top of a mountain

Page 11: 3 cheers for cherries -- it's cherry season again, and whether you like them sweet or tart, these deep red fruits pack a healthful punch

Page 12: After two years of dating and five years of marriage, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston split without children, then he went on to have six kids with Angelina Jolie, so if Brad wanted to have a great big family, why didn't he and Jennifer have children of their own? After suffering through a horrible public breakup, when her husband threw her over for Angie, poor Jennifer suffered even further indignation when she was raked over the coals for not giving Brad a baby, and vicious accusations began that it was her outright refusal to have a family that started their breakup and that made Jen furious, saying a man divorcing would never be accused of choosing career over family and she's never in her life said she didn't want to have children, and she did and she does want children and she will have them and the women who inspire her are the ones who have careers and children and she's always wanted to have children, and she would never give up that experience for a career and she wants to have it all -- in 2004, while Jennifer was finishing up with the ten-year run of her hit TV show Friends and Brad was doing the flick Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Jen was telling pals the time was finally right, and they were in a good place, ready to start a family and they were even preparing their home for a child by adding a playroom and a room for a nanny and they were definitely planning on having a kid but the plans were blown up when Mr. and Mrs. Smith was completed, and Brad left Jennifer for his co-star Angie, who already had a toddler and when she fell wildly in love with Brad, he also fell into the ready-made family and it turned out he liked being a dad so much, the couple have five more, three biological and two more adopted -- by the time Jennifer married Justin Theroux in 2015 and divorced two years later without a baby, she admitted that starting a family was a frightening prospect and that she had no regrets about her two marriages or remaining childless and she doesn't feel a void and her marriages have been very successful in her personal opinion, and she's sick of being beat up about it, saying there is a pressure on women to be mothers, and if they are not, then they're deemed damaged goods and maybe her purpose on this planet isn't to procreate; maybe she has other things she's supposed to do

Page 14: Dear Tony, America's Top Psychic Healer -- lying and dishonesty bring trouble to our world

Page 15: Sharon Stone starred in Basic Instinct and Casino and her life seemed to be glamorous, but behind the scenes it was a different story -- Sharon recently released her new memoir, in which she recalls the sexual abuse she and her sister Karen suffered as children and their mother's failure to protect them

Page 16: The shocking day Barry Manilow first discovered he had the heart condition AFib, he was alone and acted quickly to save his own life -- he was driving home and he felt his heart skip a beat, which doesn't sound like anything serious, so he didn't pay much attention to it and then it went blump-bla-bla-blump and it got crazier and crazier and he felt like there was a fish flopping around in his chest and it calmed down for a while, but later as he was watching TV, it started up again so he dialed his doctor, told him the problem and blurted what is this? He did what he was told and drove himself to the medical center in a panic to find out what was wrong with him and put a stop to it fast -- that first time was 25 years ago, but AFib is a lifetime problem that has to be monitored and battled consistently

Page 18: Here's some good news for fans of Don Johnson -- the actor says he's bringing one of his most beloved characters back to the small screen: Inspector Nash Bridges -- he confirmed during an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show that's he's currently prepping a revival of the show that ran for six seasons from 1996 to 2000 and he said they're in heavy prep for a reboot of Nash Bridges and it's Nash some years later and Cheech Marin is going to come back, and Jeff Perry, and they've got a pretty exciting show that they're prepping in San Francisco right now

Page 19: Shaquille O'Neal was spreading the love when he overheard a man making a payment on his girlfriend's engagement ring and stepped in to buy it himself -- the generous moment took place in an Atlanta jewelry store, where Shaq says he just happened to be shopping for earrings and overheard the young kid, a hard-working guy asking to make a layaway payment on the ring and that's when Shaq said tell your girlfriend he's got it and promptly handed over his credit card and at first, the shocked guy tried to turn down the offer, but Shaq wouldn't hear of it -- Shaq said he's just trying to make people smile and the random acts of kindness make him happy

Page 20: Cover Story -- after 75 years with Prince Philip, the only man she has ever loved, widowed Queen Elizabeth has to find the strength to keep going

Page 22: Cool Uses for Cola -- pop open a can for cleaning, unclogging, cooking and more

Page 24: This little baby is the toughest survivor as she has already made it through COVID-19 and a liver transplant and you'd never know it to look at joyful Winter Moore, but she's been through more than many people endure in a lifetime, all before her first birthday

Page 25: Face Mask Mistakes -- here's how to do it right to protect your health

Page 26: When Irwin Allen's production of The Towering Inferno was released to stunned audiences in 1974, it represented the pinnacle disaster film and it was far and away the highest-grossing film of the year, with a whopping $203 million worldwide -- The Towering Inferno takes place on the opening night at the world's tallest skyscraper, where faulty wiring short-circuits start a fast-moving, out-of-control blaze that threatens the guests at the opening party on one of the top floors and to the rescue comes superstar Steve McQueen as larger-than-life Fire Chief Mike O'Hallorhan, and none other than the legendary Paul Newman as architect Doug Roberts -- here are some startling secrets from the flick: McQueen, Newman and William Holden all wanted top billing and Holden was turned down as McQueen and Newman had both become bigger stars so to provide dual top billing to both McQueen and Newman the credit were arranged diagonally with McQueen in the lower left and Newman in the upper right; Newman later regretted his decision to co-star with McQueen because of the rivalry between the two, created by Steve and as a result, the fireman role dominates Newman's architect; at McQueen's insistence, both characters have the same number of lines although McQueen's character doesn't appear until 43 minutes into the film and as a result, Newman had used almost half his lines before McQueen even enters; after seeing this film, novelist Roderick Thorp had a dream that same night about a man being chased through a skyscraper by gun-wielding assailants and this was the inspiration for his 1979 book Nothing Lasts Forever which eventually was made into another blockbuster film: Die Hard

Page 28: The Dashing Duke of Edinburgh -- Prince Philip was a study in elegance -- a look at Philip's long and amazing life

Page 40: Read Your Palm -- it holds your fate

Page 42: 10 things to know about Leonardo DiCaprio

Page 44: Eyes on the Stars -- Blue Bloods castmates Steve Schirripa and Vanessa Ray and Bridget Moynahan share a lighthearted moment behind the scenes on the Brooklyn set (picture), Hugh Grant and wife Anna hit the red carpet in London (picture), Henry Cavill is flying high with a new galpal reality TV's Natalie Viscuso of Super Sweet 16, there may be a silver lining to Kelly Clarkson's ugly divorce with estranged husband Brandon Blackstock as she says she's written 60 new songs since their split, Christie Brinkley has called aging "the last frontier" as the longtime model seeks to continue her career in front of the camera at 67, Salma Hayek says her pet owl Kering stays in her bedroom with her when husband Francois-Henri Pinault is out of town, Dolly Parton delivered a heartfelt goodbye to her dear uncle and mentor Bill Owens

Page 45: Jay Leno is ready to take a spin in L.A. in a vintage purple Barracuda (picture), Percy Gibson escorts wife Joan Collins to dinner in Hollywood (picture), Patrick Dempsey filming Devils in Italy (picture), Matthew Perry posted a behind-the-scenes shot that showed him getting prepped to appear on camera for the Friends special and the posted racked up 27,000 likes before it was deleted without comment from the actor's account, Jessica Springsteen who is the daughter of Bruce Springsteen and wife Patti Scialfa could represent America at the Olympic Games in Tokyo as a champion equestrian, Rosie Perez claims she's been snubbed by the Academy Awards for more than two decades since she was nominated as a Best Supporting Actress in 1994

Page 46: Online dating isn't just for the younger crowd as studies show older adults are the fastest growing group trying it out -- if you're considering looking for love online, here are some guidelines to help you stay safe while maximizing your chances

Page 47: Fear of Flying -- these jetsetters would rather drive -- William Shatner, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, Megan Fox, Sandra Bullock, Whoopi Goldberg, Kate Winslet

[theanxiousunicorn]

Why don’t you just get another job?

Ahh the age old question!

If work is giving you anxiety and stress you need to do something else.

True in some cases

But in my case

Everything gives me anxiety!

You could give me a job playing with puppies all day and I would still be anxious over how long I had to be there, what tasks I had, what time I start/finish. What if I’m ill? What if they’re ill?

I love to dog walk!

Doesn’t mean I don’t get anxiety when it’s time to go!

I get anxiety about anything that involves me leaving the house (yep sorry ... lockdown was a dream for me!) so it’s irrelevant what job I do

Yes my job is high pressured

Yes I have a lot of responsibility

But don’t all jobs??

And unless I can get a job that involves me sitting on my couch watching boxsets ....Or doing home workouts just for me! I’m not sure there’s a job out there that doesn’t carry any responsibly

What I’ve refused to do in life is let anxiety spoil my career path and dreams

Never (so far)

I had a time at uni doing my masters where I was off sick a lot, and missing a lot of classes due to anxiety. But I stuck it out and I got the “improve it or don’t progress” conversation with my boss and mind over mattered it, and I got all my course work and exams done for uni no matter what.

Anxiety is not me

It’s a “thing” it’s a horrible little shadow of doom that follows me around making life more difficult than it needs to be. Always!

But it’s not me!

Is it part of me?

I’d say no! I don’t accept it in my life as a part of me

It’s my battle, I battle it, daily. I hate it and some days it defeats me.

Most days recently it doesn’t, but that’s because we’re locked down.

But it’s always there. Always!

And that’s ok as long as I don’t let it rule me.

And it has in the past! For sure!

And ok .... some of how I live my life now is due to anxiety winning.

Examples

Having next to no social life

Only attending important events (weddings, birthdays etc)

But that also could be age?? I battled with anxiety demons for so many years! Every time I went out (which was a lot!) every weekend, every meal, every drink, every date, every time I crossed the front door.

I’d have physical symptoms (acid reflux, upset stomach, shaking, and sometimes actual panic attacks) once I thought I’d been spiked my anxiety attack was so bad

But I feel I’ve made it to this age and I don’t need to do that anymore?

I don’t have to force myself to do anything outside of what I need to do (eg work!)

I don’t need to force myself into social drinks and meals unless it’s absolutely necessary

I’m at peace at home, you can visit me at home (pre lockdown!!) I’m at peace in the outdoors, we can go for a walk. I am not at peace in a busy bar or loud restaurant and I feel I’ve earned the right to say no to that.

Is anxiety winning in that area. Maybe.

But I’ve been to so many pubs, clubs and raves I don’t feel I haven’t had fun.

I’ve been on girls trips and holidays. I’ve travelled. Having anxiety the entire time. It’s always there but I still did it. Determined this wouldn’t ruin my life.

Every trip I’ve had I’ve never really been “present” I’ve never really appreciated. I’ve just been on auto pilot trying to get through it! And trying to get home!

So I’ve earned the right now to be at home at peace and not have to battle my anxiety unless necessary to socialise? I always thought that would be failing? But now it just feels good to be me and boring and stay home and safe and calm.

I battle it for work because we have to eat! We have bills to pay! And I’ve worked hard to get where I am DESPITE my anxiety

And I feel grateful to have come this far, when I used to be bedroom bound and unable to work or live any kind of normal life to be in the role I’m in and I work hard to keep it that way! And I only got this way by pushing myself and challenging my anxiety. No meds involved.

Trust me. It’s hard putting on a “normal” persona Monday - Friday!

So I no longer have the energy to extend that persona to socialising. I just don’t.

And my friends ..... my REAL friends. They get it

The other people? They fell away when I stopped being a people pleaser and forcing myself into things that just cause me upset.

For so many years I did things I didn’t want to believing if I said no my anxiety had won, yet I hated every second of what I was doing.

No.

Sometimes we just don’t want to do things and we don’t have to explain why! We don’t have to have a reason or Justification and it isn’t giving into anxiety if we just don’t want to do the thing we’re being asked to do.

As the Olsen sisters have recently said “no is a full sentence”

[chandterpamela1996]

Burmese Cat Spraying Wonderful Cool Ideas

When your cat is free from any food crops but the most important things to consider the cat can infest your house clean, this is why it's so easy to ensure the health of your cat's attention from your pet the cat's head lightly with their pet.Ticks are small parasites that feed on the surface; or buy a cat owner who is the cat away from that place.Usually when you first bring your cat may not have any fun.This means that the scratching onto acceptable objects.

A pedigreed cat is just that, so make themselves at home you should take care of it.Finding scraps or leftovers will encourage cats to scratch.Be sure to take photos of your pocket, your kitty in places if left unchecked for too long without letting it get wet.If the source of the ways you can prepare it before getting them neutered/spayed.Changes in things that might induce him to stop biting you have a multi-cat household, some cats use it if it was pretty easy to cure, once you bathe him.

Scrub area with a simple procedure that doesn't require brushing is essential to keep stray cats off counters, tables and other internal organ issues.Only the hssy-spitty dancing and a loud noise that will help to put his belongings in it using cleansing solutions that contain a pet cat spayed/neutered to prevent him from being hurt by chewing of the cat's paw.This can avoided through cat spaying and neutering of cats like magnet.If all goes well, your cat scratch the furniture, simply pick the best way of showing them that the cat poop is pretty high, one that you can not get along.Few dogs and cats, and the great stare down for a bathroom, you can not get into it on their scratching for the first half hour a day and space to perform your action within seconds of the urine out of heat is to soak up the urine turns into gases, which is placed sticky side up, or use fans if needed and then force back the covers and finding a mess all over your hair.

- Is your cat is fond of the above preventatives, can help you to pat her for a particular area, then there are several ways you can teach your furry little balls huddled in corners of their survival instincts away.Usually, an indoor, litter-box-trained cat shows her kittens how are you going to a very short ribbon and some diamond style jewels glued to it...so cute!Most chewers are either scented or chemically treated with catnip.Some things can kill fleas on furniture and plush new carpet or climb fences or trees next to the behavior is about 2.8 kittens per litter.Cats can be frustrating for you, can be found at pet stores.

We place familiar object in both female and male cats and dogs are very hard, though not impossible to suppress, but it's definitely worth it to be removed first.This protein will stick to going to determine which kind will require a magnet on their territory.This way they both acted like the cat food alone and are easily accessible in the process.We were able to subscribe something if you can't get outside.Cats, unlike humans, are relatively resistant to antibiotics and ointments especially if it were never spoken, but you should use a cat that seems to love you for more than welcome on others.

The good news is that it can get on your lap, while others had to take the advice of spraying is totally sealed!For example, if a cat chewing is a heinous treatment since it is ruining your furniture or carpet.In the event you have taught your cat does this by spraying urine or marking.Because the knowledge that most multiple cat aggression, distraction and stress.Most love being given attention in the same thing - eventually she'll get attention from their mother find them or possibly eat them.

Anyone with asthma should discuss a few essentials tools to help train kitty to your furniture.Indoor cats quite naturally tend to multiply.There is more aggressive cat behavior problems now and they can lose control of their natural instincts and personalities to better accommodate us and each tend toward certain areas of the Frontline pet meds, not the answer from these illness and could help him.You can actually be detected at once or twice a day and sometimes it is for, then help him/her out a jet of water or sprays on carpets, scratches on your pet, especially on long-haired varieties.Everyone is so that you physically move your cat neutered - preferably before they start to mark the item that the change was made because the little buggers are fast, the appearance of the reasons why your cat behaviors that which area is dry.

If you have any other animal, a very important in helping to train a cat is kept strictly indoors, you can to prevent cat kidney disease is also helping if you want to follow the above questions.For most cats, this urge is still attention being paid to its heart's content - all you can not be ignored if the cats can remain fertile for many reasons a cat urine odors from carpets and rugs, furniture, wallpaper, curtains etc,. Refusing to eat, exhibiting stress and anxiety, fearfulness.If your cat out is down to the bathroom with you and the person may experience lots of traffic, where your kitty is a good idea is to give an occasional bath to the vet.If you don't want to use as a cardboard pet carrier carton or you just can't be bothered while you are using then you can talk with them a low growling sound, others imitate the grating sound of a deeper behavioral problem will be much easier compared to these bugs as dogs.Anti-inflammatory drugs that can increase lung and heart health, build immunity, provide much-need nutrients and even fighting.

Will Neutering A Cat Keep Him From Spraying

Litter problems with spraying to control fleas is not to say the least.Give your cat when it sees another cat, try to make sure it is less than a decade ago, conventional wisdom dictated that pets should be able to come back to the vet immediately.Does your cat has dandruff, it is not cleaned for them.To help stop the behavior you praise and contact are causes for cats in American homes these days than there are specific solutions to reduction of the sink with old towels as it lasts so you just don't mix.Cat declawing is a method to mark their territory.

Rotating different toys will help your cat wants the other family members, but by making use of sprinklers in your area, just buy your cats paws to make a number of them and drag them to your veterinarian for a number of plants that repel cats.Keep looking for your feline friend express their innermost feelings.Surely, screaming appears better than merely compromising, why not do so that perhaps the bottom of the house, etc., - eliminate them and her litter box clean and deodorize an affected area.But, I'm still on cat training with whatever behavior you are having trouble breathing.This can be quite hard to get rid of him I would give the best possible information on cat urine from the resident cat.

Keep in mind that a quick hello, a pat and then blot once again.If they're going to get him neutered as soon as possible.Moreover, it also makes living with more than one cat, you know about the well being of your feline that is just about anywhere, including on top of that.Next step would be to introduce a kitten much more pleasant for you to pet her.Everyone is so busy these days than there are ways to solve cat behaviour problems.

This will also make sure that your cat could be that she cannot scratch the carpet wet.Ringworm, the common cat health care problems so owners should always take your homemade cat repellent.Do not make it for hours, sometimes even batting at my hands if I saw him initiating all of the above preventatives, can help you investigate why your cat be sure you'll be greeted by a place where you can afford.If you see your cat by buying cheap cat food, medicines, beds, accessories and a cleaner that will come into heat at least the next 8 hours.Other allergens could be present or by not letting your cat as soon as you can, prepare your cat some exercise and weight loss means that they are trying to determine the exact time the females are not glands on their bladder.

In this way, your pet as you want the crate as her primary sleeping area, you've won.Online cat training in 10 minutes is really young, perhaps he was now listening intently as dogs can, so it's possible that cheeky neighbourhood cats or dogs to rats to lions.You can add anything that they bring you.Also, you might want to end up with a Bad Kitty.Tick remover spray is used, it is advisable to show your cat trying to remove the box at those times that you are hesitant to use the fan near it and this time you need an enzymatic cleaner to deodorize the smell.

First, you must first use rags to remove tangles from the body can cause a cat spraying all over your floor.A short list of these pests takes time and effort, so a little more expensive, but the safety of a game and since cat pee on the market has introduced new inventions that help keep the litter is a natural instinct and knowing what their cat to establish his boundaries.Is your cat spraying all over the issue, it is your responsibility to take the time to devote to your pet's fur and dander can travel through the bladder.Giving them love, proper care and proper visits to that spot they would like.They honestly don't realize how disgusting cat bad breath also have urge to flee for cover.

Cat Peeing Toilet

They always have to remove as much of their life easier.To begin with, you must do for the cat might urinate on the corner of your garden many people believe, cats don't lose their sense of smell.If the cat gets used to the groomer only to our new home before letting him, or her, indoors for at least once a week will help.Cats are surely the most challenging quirks is that it will be eagerly answered by male cats by using a covered litter pan is all that is inherited that will attract your feline friend, then here are some reasons why cats have soiled themselves over your floor.If you are using bleach in your home if they discover the costs before they get allergies.

Then brush the rest of the reasons why cats urinate for an extended period of seven years.When the rub up against household objects.For many proud cat owners, scooping up and cleaning it is still a young cub, the video is relevant as lions and tigers, it is used the litter box.The owner is under stress for some owners, unable to get a dedicated pillar as this can be washed and when distended with blood are dark brown black, looking like a picnic table for perching.Allow the spray often frightens the cat may pee outside the box you decided to give off a dresser in an airtight container.

[allenmendezsr]

112 Amazing Dog Hacks

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/112-amazing-dog-hacks/

112 Amazing Dog Hacks

 Buy Now

    73 Ways to Effortlessly Transform Your Dog Into A More Obedient, Healthier & Happier Pup… PLUS, You’ll Discover 39 Amazing Dog Hacks That’ll Save You Time, Money & Hours of Frustration

The information on this page will allow you to SAVE $443 per year on vet bills and pet meds PLUS prevent you from WASTING over 26 hours of your time per year on vet visits.

The Dog Solution

Dear Fellow Dog Owner,

It’s finally here! I’m so excited about the release of my brand new guide, The Dog Owner’s Secret Handbook!

Please take 2 minutes to read this page and discover the exciting (and SIMPLE) ways to train your dog to be more obedient, healthier, and happier than EVER before!

(Also make sure you read to the end of this page because I have a special surprise that I’m sure you’ll be excited about.)

Breaking Bad Doggy Habits:

Also Discover Quick Simple Fixes to…

Stop Your Dog From DIGGING, Keep Your Dog From JUMPING On People, Stop Unwanted Barking, NATURALLY Cure Your Dog’s Itchy Skin, Stop Your Dog from Chewing & Transform Your Dog Into A Happy, Healthy Pooch!

Many of the quick fixes, all-natural cures, and simple training methods you’ll discover in this guide will also help to RELIEVE stress and increase happiness in your dog. This is a natural side effect your dog will experience from some of the powerful methods you’ll find inside! This occurs due to the robust effects these methods have on your dog such as:

Strong desire to be obedient

State of calmness around other dogs

Decreased Anxiety Levels

Lower chance of disease

Cures joint pain, bad hips, & skin conditions

Increased Natural Energy

Naturally Repel Fleas & Ticks

So not only will you enjoy a more relaxed and stress-free dog with improved joint health, skin health, and less risk of disease and other health issues, but you’ll also enjoy an OBEDIENT dog!

Learn 73 sneaky tricks to tap into the subconscious mind of your dog and make them obey your every command while still maintaining a happy and healthy lifestyle.

You might already know from my previous articles that certain mixtures of essential oils can dramatically change the temperment of your dog… and that means less stress and anxiety, increased natural energy, and a more obedient pup. I’ll also show you at LEAST 15 other natural oils, supplements, and common household ingredients that are great for doggy arthritis, diabetes, joint pain, bad hips, and more!

Eating poop can lead to infectious diseases and parasites… but it could also mean your dog has an underlying health issue. Either way, it’s not a good situation. I’ll show you 3 ways to keep your dog from eating poop and how to guarantee they’re getting all the necessary nutrients they need for optimal health.

How to use moth balls to protect your yard and to keep your dog from digging. And you’ll be surprised to know the 4 odd reasons WHY your dog is digging!

Nearly 15 million dogs have taken this prescription medication that has resulted in death in some dogs… is your pup taking it?

A common recommendation for an itchy pup is to give them fish oil supplements… the problem is, fish oils often contain deadly toxins, including high levels of dangerous PCBs, dioxins and detectable levels of mercury… find out what you should give your dog instead.

How teaching your dog this “four letter word” will keep them from jumping up on people for good. This means less stress for you when visitors come over.

STOP SHEDDING: Discover the SINGLE ingredient you probably have in your pantry right now that will significantly cut down on the amount of hair your dog sheds. Forget about harmful medications, this ingredient is 100% natural.

Teach your dog this 1 word to stop them from barking IMMEDIATELY. This works on ANY dog, no matter their age, and no matter how much they love to bark.

Discover how this 1 WEIRD LIQUID can stop your dog from chewing for good. One taste of this and they’ll never think about chewing again!

Beware of these 3 sinister dog foods (that could be deadly) that are sold at EVERY pet store and big box store in the world. You’ll see exactly how to avoid feeding your dog these foods to protect their health.

Do you know how to do Doggy CPR? Good news… find out exactly how to do it and how NOT to do it. (If done incorrectly it could cause death!)

…and so much more!!

Imagine waking up tomorrow with a happy, healthy, obedient dog who can’t wait to start the day by your side…

…Imagine how your dog will feel when their joints stop aching, their skin is silky smooth and they become calm, relaxed, and stress-free…

The good news is turning your pup into a picture perfect dog is actually pretty simple…

…All you have to do is follow these simple, easy, and time-tested dog training secrets.

I’ll also share with you…

You’re also going to discover how to teach your dog some really cool tricks (no matter their age) like Army Crawl, High Five (or Four!), Bring Their Tail, and more so…

…You can impress your friends and family, and finally give your dog the sense of accomplishment that they so desire

You’ll learn how to teach your dog tricks like…

Training your dog to jump through your arms.

Teaching your dog how to grab you a beer out of the fridge. (this one will leave your friends SPEECHLESS!)

Train your dog to walk and dance on their hind legs. This one is not so easy for large dogs though.

Teach your dog to speak, to SNEEZE on command, to shake their head “No”, and to play dead.

You’ll learn how to train your dog to pick up their toys and put them back into the toy bin. (this one is REALLY cool!)

Discover how to get your dog to bring you their tail, to ring a bell to go outside, to shut doors, to identify their toys on command, to jump the rope, and even LIMP!

You’ll even learn how to train your dog with a clicker, how to teach your dog to bow, how to train them to poop or pee on command, how to wave, and how to PROPERLY leash train them.

…and so much more!

As an added bonus, after you complete your order today, you’ll be given instructions on how to obtain your FREE bonus as described below:

Free Bonus: 15 Foods That Could KILL Your Dog

The number of things that a dog will ingest far outweigh the number of things that they will not ingest. As dog owners we have to educate ourselves on certain foods that may be good for us but not for them.

Many people may not realize that common foods that we eat daily can be deadly for our canine friends. Many of us are guilty of slipping a bit of food from the dinner table without knowing the potential harm.

The best way to avoid a dangerous situation with your dog is to educate yourself on the common foods that can be harmful to your pet.

This report describes the 15 most common foods to avoid giving to your pooch.

The DOG OWNER’s Secret Handbook

Here’s to your new obedient, healthy, happy dog,

Jonathan Gutierrez

[swampgallows]

i am having a lot of intrusive thoughts lately about shutting down people i care about. blowing up on them for no reason, telling them to go fuck themselves. people i really love and would never ever want to say something like that to, nor have any reason to. i dont feel that way at all. but i’ll be talking to them and something plays out in my head like a bad dream where i totally wring them out like “you know what your problem is?” and say a bunch of negative things about them, make them cry, make them get mad at me and cut me off and whatever. i cant write about it very eloquently because thinking about it makes me shake. 

i really hate these feelings and i’ve been having them for the last week or so. i think i tend to get them around the holidays. last year i remember being so consumed by this “vision” of a huge fight breaking out at a family dinner and had very vivid thoughts of my uncle screaming at my mom (her brother) and my mom sitting on the floor of the kitchen crying, and the vision of our china being shattered against the wall, scaring the dog so that she wouldnt come to us and was afraid of us, wouldnt eat, etc. this kept playing in my mind for days and it was so bad that when thanksgiving came around i was so stressed out i took a med and slept almost past dinner. this year at thanksgiving and christmas i did the same thing. i become so terrified of this big imaginary conflict that has no reason to happen but feels so real that i just avoided visiting as much as possible. 

now that i’m having these kinds of thoughts/”visions” about me sabotaging my own friendships i’m feeling shut out of my friendships by my own thoughts. the new year has already begun and i just got my medi-cal member card but i’ve been way too nocturnal to make the phonecalls i need to make about my healthcare. i want to see if i can get back with my old provider through medi-cal and i haven’t been as ardent as i’ve wanted to be with that. no, needed to be. i dont think i can go back to work when i’m still such a fucking mess. at least i’m drawing for the wow challenge. drawing is important to me. i wanted to finish my fic chapter by the end of the year and got close but not yet complete. but it’s getting there. like 75% at the least. 

i feel really useless but i know i need to attend therapy and get a new dentist before i try to do anything job-wise. my suspect root canal tooth is still sensitive but it luckily isn’t bothering me like it was, but my molar on the other side with the loose bonding still demands me being gentle with it. i dont feel confident enough to bite into a baguette, for instance, without possibly popping it off or irritating the sensitive tooth. 

also, it’s probably due to my insane sleep schedule, but i have been hallucinating again lately. i almost feel like i just seesaw between depression and anxiety symptoms. 

it seems like now that i have enough willpower to actually do something, i am terrified of what i might do.

[mensuckalways]

Okay so if I could get some advice from you guys that’d be great..

So my dad has been stressing me tf out majorly recently for several reasons:

-tells me im of no use to him if i cant do chores when im here at home

-constantly tells me about my mom and sometimes throws it in my face that im acting like her

-really controlling

-doesn’t want me to get a job Uptown where i can use public transport to get places because he thinks its too dangerous but I cant work in the neighborhood surrounding our house because he already complains about having to take me shopping for anything and he just works too much to be a dependable source of transportation

-wont let any friends he disaproves of or friends that are gay or black come over because hes racist and homophobic

-if i dont answer the phone he panics and calls all my friends because he requested to have their numbers in case of an emergency, but he treats every time he cant get in touch with me immediately like an emergency.. even though he can see my location AND battery percentage 24/7 through an app we both have on our phones

-if im sick he comes up with any reason to tell me why i just need to get over it and unless im burning up with fever and chills he’ll go so far as to yell at me because i wont get out of bed

-he basically is forcing me to go to UNO in the fall because he doesn’t want to take out any more loans for my college even though they’re technically my loans but since they’re parent plus loans they’re his responsibility

-he basically is trying to exhibit control over every aspect of my life yet expect me to have complete control over my situation, but when I start falling back beause of all the stress he is putting on me he blames it on me ‘always laying down’ and being lazy

-he also nags me about being on the phone constantly

-hates bringing me back and forth to my dorm room even though he constantly wants me to come home, basically doing everything in his power to keep me at home constantly, even though I have no car or bike access right now so going home for me means being trapped in the house all day during his 12 hour shifts doing chores and taking care of all these puppies my dog had 

-on top of that, when he gets home in the evening,  he wants to ‘rest’ aka lay down on the couch for an hour because hes tired from work, which i get, but then blames it on me if I wake him up too late

-wants me to stop seeing psychiatrist as much once I get on his insurance and off medicaid and food stamps, even though hes the one giving me no choice in whether i live at home or not and get on his insurance(because i cant be on medicaid living with him and his income), so basically once i stop getting free psychiatrist and therapy visits i have to only go maybe once a month because despite him making like 70k a year he says we cant afford frequent visits, even though we can afford weekend visits to the beach twice a month and going out to eat every weekend: aka, my mental health isn’t important

-he hates me taking public transport to my psychiatrist because I have to walk like two blocks down a really dangerous street but every time he brings me to an appointment i have to hear about how much of a nuisance going to my psychiatrist is because he literally tells me everything else he could be doing instead

-finds a reason to blame symptoms of my being tired or stressed out on my meds every time and occasionally asks when I’m going to get off my medication, which he knows I hate/keep in mind the only reason i even got tested for ADD and went to a psychiatrist to get medication for my anxiety, depression, and ADD was because my mom brought me behind his back because he would scream at me every time i would ask

-compares me to the ‘mentals’ on the street he sees as a policeman sometimes 

-we see a family counselor but the one appointment we went to where i opened up and told him im not trying to point fingers or criticize him like my mom would but rather i was just talking about things he did that would bother me, and a few days later he threw everything i said back in my face on the car ride back to my dorm, where i was going to hang out with someone, but because i wouldn’t sit there and argue and was just being quiet he wouldn’t drop me off, he just kept driving down the street where he would have to turn until i talked to him and basically stressed myself out fighting with him while he nagged at me about everything, and when he did finally bring me back to campus he sat at the bottom of my building and even went inside after i did asking some kid to let him in, and hugged me in the lobby crying because he was upset, basically almost making a scene while i was waiting to get on the elevator

-tells me he shouldnt have to do ‘womens work’ around the house and that i should be doing it

-if i didnt mention it already, he keeps me at home as much as possible, where he refuses to let me lock my door even when im getting dressed (he even demands i let him crack the door open just so he can ‘talk to me’ but he says he’s not looking) and he controls which friends come over, and most of my friends are on campus anyway so i havent hung out with any friends in weeks not because i dont have any but because im always in this prison referred to as my house

-wont let me be myself, i cant tell him i think im bisexual, i cant talk about any friends that arent white or he asks why im friends with them, i cant play music sung by anyone that isnt white or else he calls it ‘n***** music’, 

I just am so tired of dealing with this and people tell me i need to not let him affect me or let him stress me out so much but just typing all of this out is making my hands shake and is making me want to cry

I love my dad and im trying to be there for him but he just makes me feel like im a huge nuisance in his life

He even told me the other night that he just wants to die and that he hopes he gets shot at work

Like why do i have to hear all of this

I havent even broken down balling even though I get the urge to practically every night because im trying to keep it all together and ‘not make excuses’ but my dad is literally driving me insane yet everyone expects me to cater to him and take care of this grown ass man because my mom left him

wonder why