#my doctor already put gender dysphoria on my concerns list

[nightfallsystem]

i am going to discuss medical transition with my doctor and if he doesnt let me i am going to tell him that i am honest to god going to kill myself !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 (≧∇≦)ﾉ (i probably will)

[spiderfreedom]

I'm not quite sure what this has to do with the Rationalist subculture and its approach to gender/sex science. But I will try to answer one of your questions.

More cis kids and adults both lists us blockers more that trans people in fact every transphobic accusation vs trans folks even dilating we cis folks do more.

The population of trans people in the United States is estimated to be anywhere from 0.3% to 1% of the population. Given that many transgender medical procedures were originally developed for cis people, of course more cis people will do more of these. But what is the point of this argument?

My blog is to talk about women's issues and feminism; it's not about child psychiatry. I am interested in transgender medical issues because there is a large overlap with women's issues. And I think I made clear in my above post that I am worried that puberty blockers are being used disproportionately on gender non conforming, autistic, and/or gay girls.

Pediatric transition leads to sterilization and a life-long dependency on doctors; it is not a neutral and harmless outcome. If kids who are being put on blockers and cross-sex hormones could have been just as happy not being put on blockers and cross-sex hormones, then you have sterilized them and forced them into lifelong medical care for nothing. Being that adult transition is already an option that exists, and allows for fertility management with an adult brain, there needs to be an outstanding reason to treat kids with gender identity issues whose brains are not close to finishing developing and who haven't gone through puberty with these drugs.

Secondly, I have actually already written about lupron in cis kids - specifically, autistic male children who show no signs of gender dysphoria. Lupron was used by quack doctors to chemically castrate autistic boys to render them more 'docile.' Being that Lupron is a drug developed for adult males with prostate cancer, and that it has such powerful side effects, it should not be used on kids without a damn good reason! Autistic and transgender/gender dysphoric kids should not be a playground for doctors wanting to play god!

And here is another famous case of lupron being used in cis kids: kids treated for precocious puberty with lupron found themselves experiencing brittle bones later in adulthood. It's clear that in the off-label uses of these drugs on kids (precocious puberty, being 'too short', being autistic, experiencing gender/sex dysphoria) there are serious effects on their later development in life!

I haven't written about any of the other topics you bring up, so I'm not going to address them since you seem to be assuming things about my positions. But I hope I've addressed your concerns adequately on the matter of why I find pediatric transition disturbing. And I repeat -adult transition exists, for those whose gender dysphoria remains persistent into adulthood and cannot be treated or controlled by other means. I could write more if you were interested in understanding my position on the matter more clearly.

Overlap between the radical feminist and rationalist world today.

If you don't know what Rationalists are, it's a Silicon Valley-centric subculture/ideology about trying to be more rational, in theory. In practice, it means you've read either everything posted by Eliezer Yudkowsky on LessWrong, or (more commonly today) everything posted by Scott Alexander on SlateStarCodex/AstralCodexTen.

Scott Alexander is well known for his, uh, interesting ideas on feminism and women. He is a proponent of the idea that women are just naturally not inclined towards STEM fields and that this is a better explanation for their underrepresentation. He is especially famous for having written 'Untitled', where he argues that pop feminists who talk about nerd entitlement are cruel character assassins and that hating fedoras is a dogwhistle for hating Jewish men.

You may think a subculture like this would be primed for sceptical, non-mainstream thinking about transition science, at least, but Rationalism has a very high rate of trans women (MTFs) participating in it, and a very high rate of defending the interpretation that the 'best thing we can do' is to just go along with the idea that trans {gender} are {gender}, in a sort of utilitarian "it causes the least harm" sort of way.

(There are some people in the subculture strongly against this, including sex dysphoric men, but they are a small minority.)

With all this in mind, I think of this part as exemplary:

Scott: This is going to sound insensitive, but as far as “bad US medical policies” go, 2,500 children having their lives low-key ruined is nothing. I can think of a dozen US medical policies that are much worse than that!

It is certainly the case that the actual, objective number of kids going on puberty blockers or youth transition is pretty small. Even as doctors try to make these treatments accessible, there simply aren't enough treatment centers to meet what they see as rising demand.

Now if you want to say "I'd rather focus my energies on an issue that objectively affects more people," I get that. But I don't trust Scott on this issue, for the reason that he is a noted anti-feminist (as in, he thinks feminists and feminist activism is untrustworthy) and a noted apologist for current levels of female representation in fields (it's 'inherent interest' after all).

For me, I see the misuse of youth transition as a way to turn gender non-conforming kids and gay kids into gender conforming straight kids who are more attractive. (The end goal of making youth transitioners into more sexually attractive partners is stated everywhere.) I also see that the ideology behind youth transition is used to pathologize gender non-conforming and gay kids into thinking that there is something horribly wrong with them and that they are "really" the opposite gender. Even if only a small number of kids actually get to take the puberty blockers, the ideology supporting the puberty blockers - that gender non-conforming behavior and dissatisfaction with one's birth body are incontrovertible signs of permanent cross-gender identity - is harmful and pathologizing to gnc/gay kids. This ideology has effects beyond the number of kids with access to clinics and "supportive" parents, and I'm seeing it in how every slightly gender non-conforming teenage girl I meet is calling herself non-binary or transmasc. The erasure of gnc women is a tragedy and a false salvation to the pains of misogyny.

I don't expect any of this to matter to Scott, though, because he has shown multiple times on his blog that he is really not that interested in women or outcomes for women. He thinks if someone is distressed and wants to transition and shows signs that transition would help, then they should be medicalized. I doubt he cares about what this means for gender non-conforming women or gay women. It is possible he thinks gender non-conforming women are on some spectrum of transness anyway, and that we'd have been happier transitioned than not.

I'm mostly just surprised at the lack of curiosity. One of the things I like about Rationalists is the sense of curiosity. It's a group that really attracts strange people who like to think very deeply. Scott is a psychiatrist. He suspects something weird is going on with youth transition, yet he's utterly uncurious about what it is, or why. Is he afraid of seeming 'obsessed' with gender? Does he think that gnc girls being medicalized and pathologized at a young age is no big loss, because they can just rebuild identities as 'trans men', so it's not worth spending time on?

Having read the accounts of detransitioners, I know that they are constantly minimized and silenced on account of being a 'small number.' I also know that detransitioners, whether youth or adult, have valuable things to add to the conversation. Even if it's a small population that we're helping, I want to help them, because I know most people's response will probably be like Scott's - "oh, there's so few of them, that's not a big deal." It is a big deal to the people affected, and it's a big deal to everyone who is told in some way that something is wrong with them because they are gnc/gay/autistic females.

[stickynotestoletters]

Yandere Headcannons BNHA

This is just a bunch of headcanons I have about the boys in BNHA and what they’d be like as yanderes. Only the really fluffy or good things about them listed here. This is not a good depiction of a real yandere and make sure to be careful to identify yandere traits in real people around you. It’s a very dangerous world and stay safe!

Uh no v serious warnings; Manipulation mentions, kidnapping mentions, and just this is a lot of heavily influenced trans reader headcanons because I’m having a lot of gender struggles rn and that’s where my headspace is atm and this is also after and or during when you’ve/re been/being kidnapped and conditioned,  a little NSFW because if I don't specify then they are aged up (around 20-25 is where I imagine the timeline that they actually captured you and have a hero carrier going for them already),

Bakugou Katsuki

This man loves you and you know it. 

If you meet him in middle school and don’t like his original persona he’s gonna adjust it around you to slowly lure you in

He wants to be yours no matter what he sacrifices and if giving up his pride is what it takes so be it

He only shows his affection through physical gifts and touch because words of affirmation are not really his specialty.

He loves the idea of you being submissive towards him even if you’re not a girl.

Loves holding your hips when you’re doing something, especially if you’re good at cooking and make him stuff once you’ve become more docile and have stopped fighting him on leaving

So if you are trans or otherwise in the LGBTQ+ community for gender stuff he will do the most to make you comfortable. Binder? You didn’t even have to tell him your measurements cause bby he already knows 

It’s who you are and he accepts that but it’s also a pride thing. 

It’s also a way he tries to gain your trust in the early stages of your kidnapping. 

He sees this as a way to prove he’s the only one out there who would take care of you and accept you so well, this also gives him more reason to tell you you belong there because of what happens to “your community”

If you think he doesn’t know before you come out to him then you’re wrong. He knows everything about you and nothing will get in the way from making you his.

He’ll only get you T-shots and other stuff like that if you promise to not talk to anyone else at the doctor’s about your relationship. 

But the best part about all this is how absolutely submissive you’ll be under his care while you recover after surgery

Izuku Midoryia 

There are a lot of things I see that headcanon Deku has a whole book on you but I feel like this boy has an entire series of books

He has taken notes on you since he met you and has a color coded system of books that detail on your beginning years too once he gets them out of your friends or family or even just you

If you met him before he had his quirk he would probably kidnap you once he got his quirk

He spent a lot of time writing how he would kidnap you if he had certain quirks

Anyways, he loves to lay his head on your stomach

He also likes it when you’re just writing or drawing and he can watch, writing things down is a very personal part of his life so when someone as special as you does it he gets all sappy and heart warmed

If you ever get the chance to look into one of his books about you and you complement him on it he will not be able to handle it

If you’re trans he will immediately start using your pronouns in the correct form

He wants to give you as much respect as you deserve so he just uses them naturally it’s just the way of things

He’s very nervous about getting you a binder, it’s just scary for him

He also goes back into his notebooks and changes your name and pronouns

He looks intensively into research about binders, T-shots, and surgery

He lets you get a binder after you say I love you the first time

Lets you get T-shots after your first year anniversary of being conditioned to be in love with him

Todoroki Shoto

So this boy is not very interested in talking to you when you first meet

It’s just he’s so scared that he’s going to mess you up and drag you into his own mess so he waits until he’s better or gets better to contact you

He loves to stare at you

Just while you’re doing nothing or asleep, especially when you’re talking though

He loves touching your hands and giving you things

He doesn’t really talk to you though and as much as he loves to watch you talk to people he just likes how quiet you are around him

He likes to make you food, even though he doesn’t know how to cook he’ll start learning for you

He’s def the big spoon no matter how tall you are around him just def the big spoon

If you are trans he’s just gonna nod it off then cuddle with you afterwards

He’s just super calm about everything

Top of the line binders and T-shots and check-ups by a special doctor that’s sworn to secrecy

Actually tracks down someone with a quirk that can modify your body permanently without surgery

But if he comes up fruitless in the en-devour (lmao) he will let you get surgery and will love how dependent and you get on him after 

You’re just so sleepy and quiet but you’re submissive and cute

Will cry if you call him babe when you ask for something and will beg you to do it more and will get you 2x whatever you’re asking for

Has to remind himself often of your pronouns in his head but never slips up when speaking to you

Kaminari Denki

Okay this man loves to touch you. Like no warning just loves to put his hands on you

Hips and thigh guy I don’t make the rules

For some reason he likes to grab and stroke up and down your bottom half of your rib cage.

Puts his legs around yours when you’re sleeping

Likes to scrub your back and take care of you in a bath, not even in a sexual way (besides bath sex and fondling turn him off because of his quirk)

grabs the little part of your hips and thigh where they connect to your but and just squishes it

Gets so flustered when you wear yellow

But loves to see you in a pastel yellow even if you don’t think you look good he’ll always say how amazing he thinks you look

Tons and tons of compliments

absolutely loves holding your hand 

Says I love you within the first couple minutes of kidnapping you

Power Bottom no matter your gender

If trans he will def go and get you a binder

Will make sure you don’t tell anyone about your relationship if you go get T-shots and stuff by holding your hand and giving you a little shock every time you get too close to saying something

Gets you tons of sex toys that help with dysphoria during sexy times (like thanks but ur a perv kami)

He doesn’t want to risk you if you get surgery so he will wait a couple years before he allows you to

Kirishima Eijiro

He actually saw you at the entrance exam for UA and he just immediately had hearts in his eyes

This boy is clingy af, if you even look away for 2 seconds he’ll start whining

Wants you to be the most comfortable person in the world

He likes the idea of you being the picture perfect little darling, cooking and cleaning and waiting for him to get home he wants you to depend on you

He needs you to depend on him! What is he good for otherwise? 

Touch starved tbh

He likes to cuddle you when you first get kidnapped, like if you don’t let him touch you he’ll start crying

If you keep rejecting him he’ll get delusional instead and will just hug you anyways

If you’re trans and you want to ask him for stuff to make you feel comfortable like a binder he’s gonna use this to his advantage

You wanna shop for a binder? Two how cuddle session and he’ll consider taking your measurements

It’s gonna be hard for him to think of the safest way to get you testosterone or other hormone injections and stuff

He’s just concerned

Will lowkey try to convince you to drop the idea but if he’s not already delusional enough to ignore your feelings and you start crying then he’s just gonna comfort you

It’s gonna take a year or two to convince him but if you become more submissive and obedient for him he might be persuaded

In the end he’ll get you surgery and other things like that but he’s gonna need to speak to 30 different professionals about this just to be 200% sure it’s the right move.

Iida Tenya

Tenya isn't the most aggressive when it comes to things but he’s very stern and patient so he’ll have a little more freedom with disciplining you

He likes to hug you from behind

He starts to slowly stop raising his hands and yelling cause he knows it disturbs you and makes you flinch, plus you listen better when he whispers

When you cuddle he puts his legs between yours cause he wants you hold you whole

He covers his engines when y’all sleep together so you don’t scratch yourself on them

Lets you paint and draw and write but only under super vision and he analysis your work after to see how you feel

Compliments you a ton

Stern in the bedroom, very daddy/dom nothing else will do

Likes to compliment you

Loves it when you smile at him

Wants you to be comfortable out of any other option

If you’re trans then he’ll be pretty much the same as Shoto

Top of the line products and binders

Will be the first out of both of you to suggest surgery

Wants to look for a doctor with many experiences before he even asks you tho

You gotta admit that he is very sweet throughout the whole process and very supportive

He will also give you a personal doctor, but he will also have to sit in on sessions and the like to make sure you’re not concocting a plan to escape or anything

Thank you for reading this! Have a lovely day and if you have any suggestions just ask! However I can’t guarantee I’ll do everything. Maybe I’ll do a part two?

[lachlanwrites]

Black market hormones: How red tape is forcing a trans generation to self-medicate

 HORMONE THERAPY: Treatment for trans people in the UK is woefully inadequate, forcing many to consider risky alternatives

Lachlan Mykura reports on the difficulties of treatment for transgender people, documenting his own experiences and the bureaucracy surrounding them.

Transgender issues have long been a source of controversy and debate. In recent years, these issues have come under the spotlight. Younger generations are more able to explore their gender, and the concept of a strict binary is being slowly replaced with a far more fluid and flexible umbrella.

Not everyone who is transgender will transition medically, but for those who do it can be an arduous process bogged down by bureaucracy. While it is important to note that those who choose not to transition, or have no desire to transition, are valid, this article will specifically focus on the people that do.

I am Lachlan Mykura, and I am FTM - female to male transgender. My transition has been marked by wait times, delays, gatekeeping and uncertainty, so I did what a growing number of transgender people are doing. I decided to start taking hormones without a prescription.

To understand why I, and many other trans people do this, we need to look at the system and its failures. There are currently seven NHS gender identity clinics (GIC’s) in the UK, with plans for three more in Manchester, London and Merseyside. In 2015 there were 1,408 referrals to these clinics. In 2020 there were 2,728. With only seven clinics for thousands of referrals, wait times for NHS GIC’s have skyrocketed, and many clinics no longer publish their times, estimated to be years. Indeed, many of them seem to have completely ground to a halt.

One such clinic, The Laurels in Exeter, has 2,592 people currently on its waiting list, and yet saw only 2 people in 2020. One patient has been on the list for nearly 6 years, 17 times the NHS legal guideline of 18 weeks.

Many GP’s are uneducated or unused to trans issues, and don’t know the proper procedures for referring patients on to a GIC. I found this myself when I was beginning to consider medical transition, with one GP outright telling me they didn’t know how to help me.

Nearly a year later I managed to get a referral, and my waiting game began.

These wait times add to an already time sensitive process. Transgender people under 18 cannot go to most GIC’s. Tavistock is currently the only GIC that will see underage patients, and even getting to this clinic before you become 18 is a struggle.

Although transition can be successful at any age, the younger you start medical transition, the better the results are likely to be, especially for male to female (MTF) patients. By the time you can start hormones on the NHS, you will likely have gone through puberty entirely, and will have the sex characteristics of your assigned gender at birth (AGAB).

The NHS is a clumsy beast when it comes to gender care, and with the rapidly rising number of referrals, it may fall even further behind.

The NHS is also not currently very supportive of non-binary people looking to transition. A diagnosis of gender dysphoria is necessary to start hormones, and while the NHS has become more accepting of non-binary identities in recent years, some non-binary people may struggle to meet the criteria.

If you don’t want to wait for NHS treatment then there is the option for private treatment. In the UK this comes in the form of two providers, Gendercare and GenderGP.

Gendercare is a private network of doctors, and is staffed by some of the most experienced gender specialists in the UK. Unfortunately, this means it also has a price tag to match. Each of the doctors working at Gendercare set their own prices, but most tend to be around £300 for an initial appointment, and then £150 for follow ups, which are necessary to start on hormones.

GenderGP is a cheaper alternative, although the quality of treatment they offer is arguably worse. They are a telemedicine service, working on a system of ‘informed consent’. This means that during their consultations, they will tell you about any possible risks and effects of the treatment, but the end choice to start hormones is down to you. They don’t require any formal diagnoses. On paper, this sounds like an excellent choice, and I originally decided to go with them, paying my £65 initial appointment fee and talking to one of their psychologists.

However, GenderGP is not the most reputable service. Doctors Helen and Mike Webberly, the couple who started the service, have both been struck off by the GMC for providing hormones and puberty blockers to those under 18. This gave me cause for concern, but having seen firsthand the politicization of trans treatments, especially for those under 18, I thought that this wasn’t enough for me to stop using their services. The nail in the coffin for GenderGP came in October 2020, when their pharmacy, ClearChemist, said that they would no longer be working with GenderGP. This put GenderGP’s ability to prescribe hormones in jeopardy. Even though their services were cheaper, faster and accessible online, I didn’t know if they could fulfil what they promised. I decided to switch to Gendercare instead.

“The NHS is a clumsy beast when it comes to gender”

TESTOGEL: One of the forms of hormone treatment available to FTM transgender people.

I contacted two of the doctors working for Gendercare, who I thought would have the shortest wait times. One of them said that he could not accept me as a patient, and the other said that he could offer me an initial appointment in January 2021. Progress.

This January appointment would be followed up by another appointment or two with one of Gendercare’s endocrinologists. I would have paid around £1000 without even being sure I could get a prescription. As a student, I had more important things to spend money on, like instant ramen and rent.

I was sitting with friends one evening and the topic came onto hormones. I was lamenting the trials and tribulations of transgender treatment in the UK when one of the friends I was with, another trans man, piped up “I could give you my spare bottle.”

 Bingo.

 I thought about the prospect for a while, I knew people who took testosterone without a prescription and their transitions were going well. However, I was really nervous about it, I had no way of knowing my hormone levels, I wouldn’t have a consistent supply and, well, it just wasn’t a very good idea.

I did it anyway.

A few weeks of soul searching later I realised that I had known I was trans since I was a young teenager. I had been sitting on these feelings, hoping they would ‘go away’ or second guessing myself as to whether or not I was ‘really trans. But they hadn’t. They had stuck like toilet paper on a shoe throughout my teenage years and into my twenties. My excuses of waiting until I was an adult had no weight, after all, I was an adult now. Years of waiting, doctors appointments, and questioning and now here I was, being offered hormones on a silver platter over a glass of wine. I had to take it.

I contacted two of the doctors working for Gendercare, who I thought would have the shortest wait times. One of them said that he could not accept me as a patient, and the other said that he could offer me an initial appointment in January 2021. Progress.

This January appointment would be followed up by another appointment or two with one of Gendercare’s endocrinologists. I would have paid around £1000 without even being sure I could get a prescription. As a student, I had more important things to spend this money on, like instant ramen and rent.

I had no way of knowing my hormone levels, I wouldn’t have a consistent supply and, well, it just wasn’t a very good idea. I did it anyway.

Gel is, in my opinion, the easiest and best way to take testosterone, the other popular one being injection. Gel is a daily application which means that your hormone levels don’t suffer from the same rises and falls that weekly injection causes. However, with these smaller doses comes slower changes, on average.

I wasn’t too worried about this, since I didn’t really want incredibly quick changes when I had no access to a specialist to help monitor my levels. Injections are also cheaper than gel, but I didn’t need to worry about that, after all, I was getting mine for free. Besides, even if I didn’t hate needles, I wasn’t about to go injecting myself with drugs unless a doctor had told me to.

In order for trans men to do their injections, they need to be shown how to by a nurse, generally at their first appointment. If done wrong, injecting testosterone can cause pain, swelling, and infection.

The gel I use is called Testogel. Testogel dosage is measured by pumps, the bottle is designed so that each pump will give the exact same amount of gel. I started on one pump, since I wanted to stretch out the amount of gel I had for as long as I could. I didn’t know if I would be able to get another one on time, and I was fully aware that I was relying only on the generosity of my friend.

The changes have, as expected, come rather slowly. I have been on testosterone for around a month and a half now, and, unfortunately, I’m no closer to resembling Chris Hemsworth or Zac Effron than I was when I started. All in good time. What I have noticed is that my voice has dropped, and I’m plagued by embarrassing voice cracks at the worst of times. Every man has to go through them at some point and I’m no exception. God help me when I get stuck trying to grow a beard.

None of my fears about making a mistake have come to pass. I have been happy with all the changes, which is not something I could ever say about going through my first puberty.

The reasons that people choose to self-prescribe hormones are vast, not least because of the cost and time that goes into getting a prescription legally. The reasons, however, run much deeper than just personal cost.

Transgender treatment is a subject of fierce debate worldwide, and the UK is no exception. Recently, a lawsuit was brought against the Tavistock GIC by a woman who started taking puberty blockers when she was a teenager, and then detransitioned at 23. She believes that the NHS did not take enough precautions before prescribing her puberty blockers - which are fully reversible.

As a result of this, under 16’s in the UK may now no longer be able to give informed consent to start taking puberty blockers before they start on hormones at 18. While people who detransition are facing a very difficult time in their lives and deserve support, the backlash falls on actual trans people.

TERF groups (trans exclusionary radical feminists) see these detransitoners as martyrs who have been brainwashed and victimized by ‘the trans cult’. As a result, actual trans people face not only increased waiting times and inaccessible appointments but also increased media scrutiny and online vitriol.

Trans issues are in the limelight. Recently, Elliot Paige, who plays Vanya in The Umbrella Academy, came out as FTM, becoming one of the most high-profile celebrities to come out transmasculine. Trans men are often left out of public conversation, as trans women are more often the focus of transphobic tabloid media and TERF rhetoric. With more and more people coming out, either as transgender, or in support of transgender rights, trans treatment should hopefully become more and more accessible.

Written December 2020 By Lachlan Mykura

[spicyycarrot]

I can’t find my original response but here goes nothing. This is going to be long.

Quite a while back, someone sent me an anon ask about what I thought of neopronouns and my answer to that was… embarrassing to say the least. It was something along the lines of “they/them is fine but I like that xe and ze and whatever is weird :/“

Now, I doubt more than one person actually saw that (just like I really don’t think that anyone will even see this post) but it’s been bothering me for a long time and I’ve just gotta say, I’m sorry, that was wrong and all pronouns anyone actually feels comfortable with are absolutely valid and I will do my best to use them correctly! I was young(er), dumb(er) and ignorant at the time and my response came from a place of just not understanding what being non-binary or GNC or anything really entailed. Most of the knowledge I had on being trans came from people I no longer support or agree with, such as Kalvin Garrah or Blaire White (who had political stances I could never befriend) but I thought that since they were trans, she they what they were talking about, right? Truth is, they really only speak from their own experiences and are convinced that their experience is THE Trans Experience™ and anyone who goes through anything different is Not Actually Trans (“transtrenders”) etc. They never listed any sources for their claims that non-binary genders aren’t real, or anything for that matter and especially Blaire White’s track record of being an honest person is not exactly good.

Same goes for the gender dysphoria debate. I’m no longer a transmed but I do think you need dysphoria to be trans. Hear me out- a YouTuber named graysonsprojects put it really well in one of her videos, namely that you do need dysphoria to be trans, but everyone experiences gender dysphoria differently. Just because someone else experiences something you don’t or vice-versa doesn’t mean one of you is not really trans. (I’ve heard the term “gender incongruence” as well but that really just seems to describe that… someone is trans? Like, it’s not an indicator, it’s just a way of saying that someone is trans?? Their gender is not congruent with the one they were assigned at birth and I don’t think you can really use “being trans” as a criteria to determine if someone is trans.)

I’m neither a doctor or a psychologist, nor do I have any qualifications, but since there isn’t really a clear scientific consensus on this whole thing, I’m just going to state my opinion and elaborate a little. You do need gender dysphoria to be trans. Otherwise, why would you even be trans? If there wasn’t at least some kind of discomfort or just knowing that your gender is not the same as your biological sex, why would you not feel content living as cis? After all, your gender is not a choice. Nobody can just choose to be trans, and I doubt that anyone actually has. So yes, you do need gender dysphoria to be transgender, since the dysphoria is exactly what defines being trans. However, people experience gender dysphoria very differently from one another. The term “gender dysphoria” implies that you must be unhappy and disgusted with yourself or something along those lines, so the statement of “you need dysphoria to be trans” can seem a little misleading. For some, it can really be that bad and uncomfortable, while for others it might simply be knowing that they’re not cis.

No trans experience is any more or less valid than the other and it is not up to anyone to police someone’s identity as long as they’re not harming anyone. Using someone’s correct pronouns is basic human decency. Everyone is deserving of respect concerning their gender identity and pronouns and you should always try your best to respect them, even if you don’t fully understand them.

It was a case of not understanding for me, and I’m sorry for that and I’m still quite ashamed, even though I don’t have any sort of platform whatsoever and was mostly keeping these opinions to myself and at the end of the day, they were harmful to myself more than anything. I have been struggling with my own identity for longer than I can remember and finding someone like Kalvin Garrah, who pretty much kept feeding into my internalized nb- and transphobia, pushing me away from something that could have helped me understand myself better and keeping me locked in the little cishet box I, along with everyone else, gets put into by society that I was too scared and ignorant to leave. People like him reinforced the negative opinions I had already had about enby people in particular and I didn’t do any research of my own out of the subconscious fear that I’d perhaps discover that I was not cis. Denying the existence of non-binary people helped me suppress that exact part of myself.

To this day, I’m still not really sure if I’m really experiencing gender dysphoria or just symptoms of my self-hatred, unrealistic body standards, mental illness and a sprinkle of teenage angst and rapid changes of said body due to puberty. A part of me is kind of hoping it really is just my hormones going wild in this frankly quite wild time of my life and I’m only seeing the parallels to gender dysphoria because I keep thinking about it, hoping it’ll fade away as time progresses. Maybe I am just a little GNC but still mostly cis. Maybe I’ll do a Gerard Way and not be a big fan of labels but very much imply that I am not exactly cishet. Maybe it’s Maybelline. Who knows. I guess only time will tell.

But really, that’s about it. If anyone ever stumbles across this somehow, especially the anon who sent me that ask- wow! I hope I got my point across and again, I am sorry for being an idiot at the time (not that I’ve gotten any smarter, just a little more educated.) Special thanks to anyone who actually read all or really any of this, if there even is anyone. I just felt like I had to put this all out there, hope it was at least a little interesting. Thank you!

[averagedoctor]

heck I love the fact that you're gonna make a romance fic! but I can't think of any good ideas my only idea might not appeal to some of your followers, but I've been craving a fic where the reader and the doc have a relationship going on and the readers been kinda depressed lately cause of their identity and comes out to the doc as trans* and he says "I'll always love you no matter your gender" but idk if you'd be cool with that so it's your choice overall ps love your use of neutral pronouns!

I am so sorry for taking forever to get to this!!!!!! I hope you like it!!!

11th doctor x (trans)reader

Pronouns: gender neutral

Word count: 1,320

TWs: dysphoria

Tagging: @evyiione

Summary: You have been struggling more or less quietly with your identity for a while and it finally comes to fruition

A/N: Prefacing with that I’m trans so don’t come for me thanks

Identity

Sighing, you looked in the mirror, examining every part of your body. None of it looked right. Not your face, not your torso, or around your legs, and  the leist goes on. It all looked wrong. Constantly wrong. You’d done your research a long time ago so you knew you were transgender, but you never felt comfortable with coming out. You weren’t prepared for all the potential loss and things that could go wrong by you wanting to be who you really are. You especially didn’t want to lose him.

As if on cue, you heard his voice calling down the hall, getting louder the closer he got. Hastily, you pulled your clothes back on, straightening them out.

“Love?” He asked, voice muffled outside the door.

“Just a moment!” You responded, twisting your head towards the door to reply. You heard the Doctor stall for a moment before twisting the knob to come in. He smiled brightly at you, crossing over to where you were at the mirror. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close. Your head tipped back to lean on his shoulder.

“Whatcha looking at?” He asked playfully, eyes dancing as he watched the two of you in the mirror.

“Trying on some new clothes I found. I just finished up putting them away.” You stroked his arm, smiling through your lie.

“Oooh,” his eyes sparkled, “you’ll have to show me sometime.” He winked, kissing your forehead.

“It’s only sweatshirts, nothing special.” You deflected, your cheeks heating up.

“I don’t care if it’s not special, I only care that you’re the one wearing it.” He quipped, giving you a grin. You simply shook your head in response and turned around in his arms, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

“Mmm, how sweet of you.” You murmured, basking in the warmth of his arms, and laid your head on his chest.

“What would you like to do today?” He asked, resting his head on top of yours.

“Could we stay in?” You brought up tentatively, knowing how strong his need for adventure was.

“I thought you loved going out.” He pouted, the both of you rearranging so you could look each other in the eyes.

“Just… not feeling it.” You confessed, shrugging. His eyes dimmed of their light, but softened. It was you, it wasn’t like he was going to be mad.

“Then staying in is just fine, dear.” He gave you a smile, placing a hand on your face. Leaning in, he kissed you softly before pulling away. “I better go check the console wires, she hasn’t been too happy about them recently.” He said cheerfully after a beat. “I’ll find you when I’m done.” You gave him a pressed smile and lifted a hand in goodbye as he closed the door.

As soon as that door closed, you looked back in the mirror and felt tears come to your eyes. Unceremoniously, you collapsed into a heap on the group, quiet sobs rolling through your body. You wished that you could tell him already. It would make things so much better if you weren’t too much of a wimp, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. Not yet at least.

You took a deep breath in through your nose and collected yourself as best you could. You rubbed at your eyes, checking how bad they were in that dreaded mirror. A little puffy around the edges, but if you waited for a short while it would go down soon. With weak limbs, you made your way to your bed and flopped down, staring at the wall as thoughts swirled through your mind of a toxic list of everything you despised about yourself and wished so badly you hadn’t born the way you had been. Everything would have been so much better if you were the right gender. God, why did the universe hate you so much as to put this fate upon you. Life wasn’t fair and it seemed supremely unfair to you, in your opinion. The world blurred before your eyes and soon enough you were lost in your mind.

Tools clanking in the background that could even drag you a tiny bit from your fugue state. That should have been the first red flag, but nothing outside mattered to you. The triumphant whoop of the Doctor completing his work should have been the next. Approaching footsteps a third. Turning doorknob a forth. His confused and concerned murmur from right by your bedside the biggest of them all. Yet, you couldn’t be moved.

“Y/N?” He whispered quietly, crouching down to see your face. You remained catatonic for a short minute before he came into focus. Letting out a yelp of surprise, you flinched back.

“Oh!” You gasped, rubbing your head. You hadn’t noticed how long or how deeply you had been thinking.

“I’m sorry.” He winced, rushing to clamber onto the bed next to you. The Doctor gently stroked your hand as you gave him a weak smile. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, you just spooked me.” You deflected, giving a joyless laugh. His eyes narrowed at your response. You were never good at hiding your feelings when truly confronted about them and your heart beat in worry. You pulled your hand away, nervously playing with your fingers.

“What’s wrong? I’m here for you, whatever you need.” He pleaded with you, eyes drifting to your yanked away hand, hurt pooling in his eyes. Your stomach was in your throat. You knew that you should but the words were stuck in your throat.

“I– um…” You swallowed, looking away from him. It was unfair how hard this was. He was your partner, you should be able to tell him everything. You mentally kicked yourself for being unable to get the words out of your mouth. It was like you had filled your mouth with concrete, a hard slab prompting your throat shut. Your mouth twitched to the side as you tried to pull in a deep breath from your nose.

“Please.” The Doctor begged with a simple word. His eyes bore into you, wanting so desperately to make everything alright.

I’m transgender.

The words whispered in your head. At least you thought they did

As you looked over, all you saw was stunned silence. The Doctor was still, deadly still, looking at you with different eyes. Confusion wracked your brain for a moment before you realized what you had said. Your eyes widened in fear and you backed up into the head of your bed. Oh god, oh god, oh god, what had you done? A hand fluttered to your mouth and tears welled in your eyes, a panic attack rising in your chest. Your mouth tried to form words but not even noises came out. You could tell that his mind was processing everything you had said. You knew it was a lot to take in but you still jumped to the worst possible conclusions so the words that ended up tumbling out of his mouth shocked you even further than your slip of the tongue.

“I’ll always love you, no matter what.” The Doctor stated with such genuineness that you felt your breath get taken away.

“But… but.” You gasped out, hands shaking. He pulled you towards him, both hands on your face, caressing you. His touch soothed you. It always did.

“But nothing. I will always love you. Nothing will change that.” He leaned forward so your foreheads were touching. “I will do everything I can to make you comfortable. We’ll find the best doctor in the universe to make you comfortable in your body. I am here for you every step of the way.” You gave him a watery smile, placing one of your own hands on his cheek.

“I love you.” You whispered quietly, just as much a promise as it was the truth.

“I love you, too.”

[the-scottish-costume-guy]

My Trans Story

Story of my social and medical transition under the cut, I know its not trans day of visibility anymore but consider this a belated contribution. I hope it helps anyone who’s questioning, or even anyone whos curious about the experience. This is very long and has some mention of dysphoria, abuse, bullying but also has a happy ending so thats your warning:

The earliest I remember giving any indication of being trans was at five or six years old on my way to primary school with my mother (who I will mention was a fairly good mother at the time - this will be relevant later). I turned to her in my little green and white uniform dress and said “I’m a boy, aren’t I mum?” I’m not sure what prompted the question really curiosity maybe but my mother laughed it off - something I dont blame her for, kids say silly things all the time. I wouldn’t say I was a super boyish kid. Yeah I liked a bit of rough and tumble play, I was into pokemon cards, then yu-gi-oh, beyblades - which were all considered “boy” things when I was at school. I liked to play british bulldog and tag, and as I got older I’d get into Warhammer, Dungeons and Dragons, The elder scrolls and other nerdy things which are seen as more unisex now but again in the time were considered “boy” interests. But I liked having long blond hair, and I was curious about make-up. I liked to bake and sew and weave, and as a child I even enjoyed knitting. I cried easily and got hurt often - I was accused of attention seeking through most of my childhood though even looking at myself critically I can only ever remember wanting validation. When I was hurt, when I’d achieved something I was proud of - my motivations were called into question when I sought out help or interest. I remember being heartbroken when art I’d worked on was dismissed or I was told the bad bruise I’d gotten was nothing to be upset over and to stop seeking attention. It set me on a path of questioning everything I did and why I did it.

Unfortunately I have a lot of memory gaps in the lead up to high school and through much of school.

Fairly early on in school though I came out as bisexual. Honestly I think a part of me was threatened by cis guys masculinity and that drove me to women. I had a fairly even number of girlfriends and boyfriends. One relationship the boy I was with implied being ready to try sex and we ended up breaking up not long after when I distanced myself. I didn’t know how to explain the discomfort with my own body that I didnt even understand. How I didn’t want to be touched in certain places or do certain things. I felt like a freak.

It didn’t help that I was already bullied pretty much from the get go in highschool, from age 11 I did have many friends and there were periods where I had none. I was bullied for my hair, for not having friends, for being gay, for being depressed. Hell sometimes I was bullied for being bullied - high school is weird. 

I was also... “bullied” by a “friend” who would hit me, talk down to me, at times wouldn’t let me sit on furniture. Once she choked me to the point of passing out among other things. Somehow I was still convinced she must like me on some level - why else would she hang out with me? I wish I’d known better. She introduced me to the concept of being transgender but not in a way I identified with. She told me about a documentary of “Boy becoming girls and girls becoming boys.” she told me “The girls that become boys are always still pretty, you can tell they were girls. But the boys that become girls, you cant tell they were boys they just look like ugly girls.” I imagine shes less ignorant now but its stuck with me.

Eventually around age 16 Two trans people spoke at my school. They talked about how they always felt different, things they’d disliked about themselves - the relief of coming out. I understood completely but my brief excitement was dashed by their talking about harassment and fear. I wrote my email address on a slip of paper and ‘please help’ which I put in the box they were collecting at the back of the room for any questioning youth. They never emailed me. I made an appointment with my doctor.

I actually begged my doctor to fix me, and he referred me to a GIC (Gender Identity Clinic) in Edinburgh. It took a full year to actually be seen there. I told some of my close friends about my concerns and confusion, and came out as genderfluid. I used a random R based male name to try and settle - knowing that as it was fandom related I’d change it later. When I spoke to the specialist at the GIC, I came out as a Trans Man, I felt validated. I came out to my family not long after and it was not well received. My cousin (who had spent every summer with us for as long as I could remember and I viewed like a sibling) died when I was 14. My godmother (his mother) died a year after. Within the ten years since my cousins death, he, my uncle on my mothers side, my great grandfather, my godmother, my gran and my grandad have all passed away. When I came out to my dad he begged me not to put more strain on our family. My mother turned to drink when I was only 14 and had worsened becoming more and more abusive as time went on. I’d had mental and physical health issues since the age of 8 and my experiences were being written off. My mother got worse, and I ended up being her full time carer for a few years. She was abusive, she hit me, she destroyed my things, she wrote on the walls and threatened me with knives. When a letter for my third GIC appointment came, (the appointment that would have gotten me hormones) I highly suspect it was my mother that destroyed it. I didn’t even know I’d been dropped from the list until six months later when I called to ask when my next appointment would be. I’d apparently missed it and for that reason they’d silently, without fuss, taken me off their active patients list. I was upset but handling my mother was enough strain for me not to fight my case for another few years. I went to attempt college for a second time in 2015 - nearly six years after I first came out, and four after my first GIC appointment. I called my best friend over to my house, and together we sighed 15 deedpolls changing my name and title legally. I contacted the clinic and got another appointment for that September. The doctor wanted longer - more appointments to get to know me, but after hearing I’d already had two with another doctor, had waited four years, had told the story I’ve told you now - she told me she wanted to get me on hormones for christmas. She rearranged her schedule and had me come in on december 9th, four days later I had my first doze of testosterone. I didn’t tell my father that I’d started hormones but I had told him prior that I was going to soon. My dad continued not to accept me, as did one of my tutors at college. I kept my head down and muscled through. I’d become so used to not passing that only 4 years later, when Im passing easily and consistently, its both a shock and yet somehow feels like its always been the case. I had top surgery on October 23rd 2017. To my surprise, my father came to the hospital. He’d said he wouldnt visit, but made the 4 hour drive anyway. Last summer, he started introducing my as his son to strangers. He started inviting me out for drinks with him and my brother. He treated me how I had always wanted. Sure he still drops the feminine endearments in - but I’m not going to fault him that. Everyone I meet assumes Im cis until I tell them otherwise. I was finally comfortable enough in 2017 to come out as gay, and I’m now engaged to my wonderful Fiance who is just beginning his own transition journey. My point? It gets better is a tired phrase that feels worn out by use. And no my life isn’t perfect but dysphoria and lack of love is definitely not the problem. Years ago I felt I’d never pass, I told people as much. I thought I was ugly, and unlovable. Now I like how I look, I Know i pass because people call me “sir” “Mr” ect. One of the tutors for the university I applied to was excited to “finally have a man in the class.” 

The journey is long, and at no point can you see the end of it. Eventually you just look back and see how far you’ve come. Stay strong. 

[invisible-mirror]

Sooo this is normally a thing I would work through in a private journal, but I deleted my LJ not long ago, so I'm gonna post it here. Feel free to engage or not.

I got on the subject of transgenderism the other day, and surprised myself by going into a bit of a rant. Let me preface by saying I support trans people's rights to undergo surgery or hormonal therapy, change their pronouns, choose which bathroom fits them better, etc. It's no skin off my back, and it clearly means a lot to them, so it'd be pretty boorish of me not to let them have it. But this conversation I had recently led me to realize that, on an emotional level, I seem to feel there might be some skin off my back after all. That's okay, though, I can work through my feelings like a rational adult, watch and see.

My rant, once I'd backed off enough to fully analyze it, boiled down to two root causes:

1) My BS meter going off. I'm sorry, I am WORKING on recalibrating the thing, that’s the point of this post. But it’s a process. Telling me that someone who was raised male and looks like a male "is actually a woman" or vice-versa evokes the same instinctive gut reaction as telling me "This Jackson Pollack painting is a masterpiece that represents the human condition." I'm sorry, maybe that's what Pollack was aiming for, but I'm like 90% sure he secretly tripped over a row of paint buckets and then sold the dropcloth. It's a reaction that says on a barely-conscious level "That can't possibly be right, the physical evidence contradicts it" and follows up with "If that's not right, it means you aren't telling me the truth. You're trying to gaslight me and wow that's rude, how stupid do you think I am." In the presence of an actual trans person (I've met a couple), it's easy to take them as an individual and accept that they're not personally trying to gaslight me, they really do simply prefer certain pronouns, and I can apply the directive in my opening paragraph (don't be a boor) without any trouble. But in the abstract, the prospect of nodding along to the statement "If you say you're a woman, then that makes you a woman regardless of any other factors whatsoever" triggers a chorus of How stupid do you think I am​? that only gets louder in self-defense when you try to shout it down.

2) While I can't technically deny the existence of sex-based differences in brain structure and function, I can (and have on occasion been known to) vehemently declare that my "female brain" even if I have one does not in any way control my destiny, these are not the gender stereotypes you're looking for, move along and freaking give me the goddamn STEM job with equal pay already. So it hurts, a little, when I look at someone like Caitlyn Jenner posing in her white corset because her female brain simply couldn't go on without a pair of breasts in a corset, I mean, those female brains and their obsession with body image, what are you gonna do. And I KNOW, I understand that gender dysphoria is much more serious than your run-of-the-mill teenager wishing she had a bigger cup size, and that there are male brains who equally feel they can't go on without flat chests and facial hair, so it's not necessarily a sexism thing. I just really wish there were a way to avoid the implicit message I see in media/dialogue surrounding trans issues, in which the definition of woman = person who wants to look feminine and nothing else matters. Because if that's woman then frankly I don't want to be one, and I was here first so buzz off.

TL;DR My current understanding of transgenderism threatens my self-identification as a Smart Person, first by questioning my perception of reality and then by hinting that perhaps Real Smart People don't actually have the same kind of brain as Real Women, and I can't be both. These are my issues. Interesting.

So I did some reading. And came away with the points summarized below, now with 200% more analogies:

1) Here is a fantastic blog entry on semantic categories:

https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/11/21/the-categories-were-made-for-man-not-man-for-the-categories/

It's very long, but it stole my heart a few paragraphs in with the mental image of King Solomon and a time-traveling biologist arguing about genetics. The transgenderism bit starts in Part III. And I fully understand the argument. There is no natural law stating that society can't redefine the words "woman" and "man" to mean whatever we darn well want them to. My hangup is actually mentioned in the blog entry's analogy, but glossed over—it's where Solomon says "I understand why you need a word to categorize creatures that are genetically mammalian, but find your own word, because my word already has a definition and it does not include whales." Put less combatively, I'll grant that we have conceptual use for a category that includes both cis women and trans women (the reason that comes to mind being that unfortunately we live in a society where we still have to deal with gender stereotypes, so everybody likes being able to succinctly say “People I stereotype as XYZ”... but someone who's thought about this more than I have can probably come up with a more charitable interpretation). But we also have conceptual use for a category that includes cis women only—for example, doctors determining whether one is at heightened risk for certain diseases, or someone determining whether a conversation partner is likely to be interested in a discussion about their birth control pill side effects. If we wanted to do this semantics thing right, then, we'd invent two separate words. Which I am 100% in favor of. But instead we seem to be taking all the words (woman, female, etc.) that used to mean #2 and decreeing that every one of them now means #1 instead. This doesn't close a lexical gap, it only shifts the gap from #1 to #2, AND it induces confusion (and hostility) because some people use the words to mean #1 but others assume that they still mean #2.

I suppose if "ciswoman" ever enters everyday usage for a majority of the English-speaking population, that could qualify. "Cis" probably isn't used as a slur outside of Tumblr, right? I could get behind that. "Woman" for the fuzzy general category of "people who are similar in some particular ways but not necessarily all of them," kind of like how bowling is a sport even though there’s no running and track is a sport even though there’s no ball. And we can use "ciswoman" for medical forms and also to reassure people like me that nobody's trying to gaslight us into believing that bowling and track are two different names for the same sport.

I went with the sport analogy because it more directly expressed my concern--that I can’t name anything I have in common with Caitlyn Jenner yet we’re supposed to share a category. But I ALMOST used an analogy about how tomatoes are biologically fruit yet we classify them as vegetables, and nobody seems to care. I actually really like this one. Has it been used much? I wonder how it would play with the whole “Men have XY chromosomes and women have XX, end of story” crowd.

2) Someone on Reddit made a compelling point, backed up by others (side note: r/CMV is a great place for intelligent discussion, whodathunk?) that for transgendered people (we'll stick with women as an example) who have decided they want to present as female, gender stereotypes can be used an effective weapon by which to fend off misgendering. They're not thinking "My female brain compels me to wear nail polish because that's how female brains work." It's more like "People keep insisting I'm a man, so I need to prove them wrong by behaving like the femalest female to ever female. What does that even mean? Well luckily, my culture has provided a convenient list of behaviors that it thinks are especially female, so I'll start with those." It's like how I was free to grow my hair long and wear pink glasses frames after I'd been accepted into an engineering school, but not before. You need the signals for your chosen category to outweigh the signals for categories you don't want, and sometimes that means artificially manipulating your own signals.

So from that perspective, it's a survival strategy. Trans women aren't trying to force all women back into the old gender pigeonholes; they're using the pigeonholes as bases to avoid getting tagged out of the game. Which means preventing the rest of us from dismantling the pigeonholes entirely, which is annoying because some of us would rather picnic than play baseball for either side... and this analogy has officially contorted beyond recognition, hasn't it. The upshot is that even when a system could use serious change, sometimes you need to play by the rules of the system in order to achieve a short-term goal that's more urgent to you personally. Lord knows I've used that excuse myself.

I still can't wrap my head around why anyone would care about being called female by others if it's not about the stereotypes/cultural baggage that comes along with the word. Gender dysphoria, yeah yeah, but then I start reading somebody's argument that not all trans people experience dysphoria and I am nowhere near being able to touch that, so I won't try. What I can do is assume that since it's not about stereotypes, there's a good chance that I would not emphatically disapprove of whatever it winds up truly being about. And I can operate under that assumption until proven otherwise.

This concludes my self-assigned transgenderism research project.