#my discord was talking about Between the Lions

[waywardstation]

Might as well post comically-annoyed Ingo

Original image under the cut:

[ryin-silverfish]

JTTW Discord Summer Contest Entry: South Seas Sojourn

AO3 Mirror

-In collaboration with the amazing @ejaysstuff, who did the art!

-I'd say "This is mostly me nerding out about folklore", except that sums up all my recent one-shots.

-An LMK fanfic about Wukong going on a vacation, set between S3 and S4. 

---

"I'm going on a vacation!"

Before anyone in the noodle shop could let out a groan or a cry of "Again?!", Sun Wukong immediately added, "And you are coming too, MK. I ain't leaving my disciple out of the fun, not after, well, everything."

"But it's okay to leave me out of the fun?" Mei sulked, as she tried to make the tea inside her cup rise up, yet only created a little ripple. 

"Hey, I'm not the one who signed you up for that internship at your uncle's place." Sun Wukong said. "But maybe we can drop by once we are done! Take a break from the heat in the cool air of the North Sea."

"Yeah, the nice, cool, sub-zero-degree air of the arctic zone..." Mei sighed. "Don't wanna beat on that dead horse, but I'm so, so sick of icy stuff."

"Aw, bummers. Guess you won't be a fan of my new tea recipe, then." Sandy poked his head out from inside the kitchen. MK could hear ice cubes clinking inside a glass, and so did Mei, since she perked up within seconds and looked like she was on the verge of backflipping over the counter.

"Sandy, Sandy my man, I'll never not be a fan of your tea recipe!" 

"Uh, where are we even going?" MK asked, in between the sound of icy lemon tea being slurped through a twisty straw. "Don't get me wrong, I'm super duper up to it! But Mr. Tang had been complaining non-stop on MeChat about Pigsy's decision to drag him to Chang'e's virtual concert during summer break, where every major tourist spot is packed with kids. I hope we are going somewhere...quieter, that's all."

"Oh, no worries. It won't be deserted, but it ain't gonna be nearly as crowded." Sun Wukong paused, striking a pose. "We are going to the South Seas, bud!"

"...Where?" MK and Mei asked in unison, drowning out Sandy's faint "Wait, like, Guanyin's place?".

"Out south. In the oceans. Duh." 

"That explains nothi——"

"And no, my big blue friend, I won't be knocking on her doors at Potaloka unless someone needs saving! She's gonna be real busy in the next few weeks anyways." Sun Wukong continued. "For you less geographically gifted kids: it's where Lion City and Betel City are. Ring any bells?"

Mei made an "Oooo" noise. "You mean the place with the mermaid lion? Man, I was so disappointed when I found out it wasn't a real critter working for the South Sea Dragons." 

"I still have no idea what you are talking about!" 

"Ah well, MK, you'll be finding out soon enough." Sun Wukong said. "So go give your Dadsy a holler, and start packing up! We'll be leaving next week or the week after that, depending on when Nezha gets off work." A pause. "Yeah, he's coming too."

...

"We aren't really going on a vacation, are we?" MK asked, as he dragged his luggage up the creaky wooden walkway near the Megapolis harbor beach. 

Dangit, who knew that mosquito repellent and sunscreen could weigh so much? (Tang and Pigsy were very adamant about the importance of taking enough of these, once they heard the news over MeChat.)

"What makes you think that?" Sun Wukong replied, swishing his tail at the daring seagulls who kept trying to peck it. 

"Well, last time you said you were going on a vacation, you weren't really telling the truth." MK let out a nervous chuckle. "And Nezha's coming too. I don't know him all that well, but he doesn't sound like the kind of guy who'll, uh, join in on the fun just because?"

"Yeah. Sorry again, MK," he sighed. "But you are half-right. It's not a complete vacation, and more of a vacation-slash-summer school, slash-free exposure therapy..."

"What was that last part?"

"Nothing!" Sun Wukong exclaimed cheerfully. "Basically, you are gonna learn how to be a god, MK."

"I——WHAT?!"

"Relax, bud! It's not as serious as you think." A pause. "How do I put it...hmm, it's like being a hero, but more down-to-earth. Where, instead of people asking you to save them from big bad demons, they are asking you to solve their personal problems."

"Like?"

"Win lottery tickets. And discipline their kids for them."

"Speak for yourself."  

A familiar voice echoed through the evening air. The next second, in a blaze of pink fire, the Third Lotus Prince was standing tall on his wheels, his sash flowing in the wind. 

"Oooh, what did I just hear? Good ol' Brother Nezha, Electro-Techno Third Prince, The Other God You Go To For Lottery Tickets, acting all uppity and serious!" Sun Wukong stuck his tongue out at the new arrival. "Nice entrance, by the way. Very flashy." 

"You know very well I don't answer every desperate addict who doesn't know when to quit, nor do I play games of chance for fun! I play them to win!" Nezha retorted. "Also, thanks for the compliment, Great Sage."

"You are welcome, Laodi."

"Are we really going on a vacation to...help people gamble?" MK nervously raised a hand. "Isn't that, like, against the law?"

"Goodness, what have you been telling your disciple before my arrival? No, what have you left out?" Nezha groaned. "Well, since your mentor clearly hasn't explained our goals properly, I suppose I'll have to substitute for him. Again."

"Hey! Professor Sun is getting to it, Teaching Assistant Nezha——"

"In the next week, we shall be visiting and staying in multiple cities of the South Seas. Now that my true body isn't guarding the Samadhi Fire, I can finally start answering the more tricky prayers," Nezha sighed, "Which will only continue to pile up, since the Seventh Month is imminent."

"Seventh Month?" MK asked, reaching into his pocket with one hand. "But it's August the third already! Lemme check the calendar again..."

"Lunar Seventh Month. Also known as the Ghost Month." Nezha shot a look at Sun Wukong, his expression a mix between annoyance and slight concern. "Someone has picked a great time and place to take his student on a trip."

"What could I say? It sure is less depressing than Qingming nowadays. And they won't fine you for burning paper effigies in the South Seas, or so I've heard!"

"I…no matter." Nezha's look softened a bit, but not by much. "Back to what I was saying. Once the gates of the Underworld open, all the spirits will come out, go visit their families, enjoy the offerings as much as they can under the watch of Dashi Ye, Lady Guanyin's ghostly manifestation."

"We'll be assisting him, much like my brother and all the local gods. Keeping order, giving directions, and all that. In between these shifts, I’ll finally get to perform my duties in my actual physical body instead of the youthful manifestations mortals expect to see, and your mentor is free to monkey around with you and his worshippers at his own temples. All clear?"

"So we are gonna be, like, tour guides and security, but for dead people?" MK asked. "That doesn't…sound too bad, actually! Also, you have a brother, Nezha?"

"No, I pop out of a rock, just like your master." Nezha said flatly, then added, "Goodness, I wish. Muzha can be a bit much, but he's a lot more bearable while on the job, so no worries."

"Someone's getting jealous again, I see," Sun Wukong reached over to pat him on the head, and received an annoyed glare. "Oh, and don't let Nezha's sour attitude fool you, MK. We are still on a vacation, it ain't gonna be all work and no play! And the work won't start until several days later, so we'll have plenty of time."

…

This didn't seem like a great start for our vacation, MK thought. 

Okay, it did, for about three minutes, after they got off the somersault cloud. 

The palm trees were swaying in the wind, the two-story buildings with red-tiled roofs were glowing under the tropical sun, and Nezha reluctantly glamoured a lotus-patterned T-shirt and some baggy pants over his armor after rejecting Sun Wukong's more outlandish suggestions ("You should totally change your wheels into flaming flip-flops!"). Not a single dangerous, vacation-ruining, world-destroying threat in sight.

Then a giant rain cloud appeared out of nowhere, driving most of the crowd indoors and leaving the unfortunate ones seeking shelter under the nearest rooftops and bus stations. 

Not that it helped much——MK felt like he was standing behind the waterfall at Flower Fruit Mountain again, as raindrops slammed into the ground with a fury and created splashes of watery mists.

"Okay, Nezha, Did you anger the local dragons again?" Sun Wukong asked, holding the monkey-hair-turned-umbrella over MK's head.

"Nonsense! Not even the East Sea ones hold a grudge for this long, and I've never seen a South Sea dragon other than their king," Nezha said, then added, "and my brother's co-worker. Are you sure you have a temple nearby?"

"Eh, maybe. I saw a bunch of faith beacons up there, all clustered together." Sun Wukong shrugged. "Some of these have to be mine."

"Have to be yours? Oh, that's rich, coming from someone who hasn't visited the South Seas in person since the 19th century——"

"And they still love me, bud. Deal with it."

"Um, what's a faith beacon?" MK wiped the water droplets off his phone screen with one thumb, trying and failing to steer his luggage away from the puddles. "I'm not seeing any on CloudMap."

"Well, you won't, unless you are a patron god of IT workers or some other technology-related stuff!" Sun Wukong said. "How do I put it, hmmm…after people have prayed to you for a while, offered enough incense, you can just sense the places they are doing it at. Usually, it looks like a beam or a glowy aura, but some gods can smell or hear it too."

"Wow, that's so cool! It's like a mystical VR goggle. Is it something you can learn, though?"

"Look, I'm glad that you are doing your job as a mentor, but can we please get some actual directions?" Nezha sighed. "Temples here aren't always their own separate buildings. I've been summoned inside too many HDB flats to count, and you won't know that by looking at the beacons alone."

"We are heading in that direction right now. It'll get clearer once I get closer to the place. So be patient, will ya'?"

"Well, isn't that just the most reassuring answer I've ever heard. 'We'll get there when we get there'." Nezha muttered, as the group took a turn into a narrow side street, ducking below the swaying lanterns and multilingual shop signs. "Just so you know, if the rain doesn't stop and we don't get there in two hours, I'm dragging both of you onto a bus and to my temple instead."

"Why, you three sound like you are lost! Need a tour guide?"

Abruptly, a high-pitched, child-like voice resounded through the torrential rain, coming out of the alleyway to their left. MK turned to look at the speaker—

—and stared straight into the lifeless glowing eyes of a chalk-faced monstrosity, its red tongue hanging out of its mouth.

With a scream, his staff was out, and in a split second, connected with the thing's head and sent it flying into the nearest wall. It slid off the yellowed concrete, landed with a splash, then went completely still. 

A spiderweb crack was spreading across its porcelain mask——Oh goodness, it's a puppet, which was somehow even worse.

"Ah. The answer is 'No', it seems."

He nearly extended the staff and hit the puppet again when it spoke, had Sun Wukong not dashed forth and, in one swift motion, dragged a pale specter out of it by the robe collar.

"Glad to see you again, Xiao Xie!" He grinned in a rather dangerous way, like what Mr. Tang said non-intelligent monkeys really meant when they bore their teeth. "Is there any particular reason why you are jumpscaring my student in broad daylight, or do you just have nothing better to do?"

"Yes, because this one knows it will happen!" The specter, still in Sun Wukong's grip, said in a cheerfully oblivious voice. “The vision caught this one by surprise too. It's not every day that you see the Great Sage's golden staff approaching your face at lethal speed, especially when you have done nothing to offend him. Good thing this one did not come in his contractor's body!"

Behind them, Nezha let out a groan. "Oh joy, it's these two clowns again."

"W-W-What the heck just happened?! And what's THAT?" MK pointed at the specter. Outside of that creepy puppet, it just looked like a lanky, unnaturally pale youth in an oversized mandarin jacket and a tall hat.

Before Nezha could answer, another sullen voice cut him off.

"You knew you'd get smacked in the face if you came, so naturally, you possessed the creepiest vessel you could find and headed straight in this direction." The air suddenly got a lot colder. "I don't need precognition to know you deserve to be smacked at this point."

The water in a nearby puddle rippled. Okay, technically, it never stopped rippling because of the rain, but this one was a lot bigger, as if something was about to crawl out.

MK took a step back. Seconds later, the murky water turned inky black, rising up into the air and coalescing into the form of a short, stern-faced kid, wearing the same clothings as the pale specter, except they were all black-colored.

"Darn right, Lao—" Sun Wukong paused, as he turned and took a closer look at the newcomer. "Xiao Fan? Huh, didn't expect to see this you here. Not that I'm complaining."

"I'm absolutely complaining." The kid replied. "Our main souls have been attending one meeting after another at Fengdu since the Ivory Lady Incident, which is why I'm currently on," He shot a pointed look at his ghostly companion, "babysitting duty. You gonna smack him or not? Cause I won't mind if you do, Great Sage."

"Aww, really, Xiao Fan? You, of all people, should know that everything this one sees will happen, even if he doesn't know how or why. Since trying to avoid a future is the best way to unknowingly make it come true, this one can only try to soften the impacts and minimize the risks."

"By making sure you would, one-hundred-percent, get hit in the face by someone?" Fan snorted. "Way to go, brother."

"By making sure that staff wasn't slamming into this one's soul, or a flesh-and-blood vessel!" Xie replied. "And the mission is a success! Only a single puppet is harmed."

Nezha threw his hands up in the air. "How did you manage to be even more annoying and nonsensical than your main soul?"

"Welcome to my fucking un-life." Fan mumbled.

"Um, hello?" MK waved awkwardly. "Have you guys suddenly started speaking in some sort of secret code mid-conversation, cause I don't understand a single word you just said."

"Gosh! Sorry, bud," Sun Wukong finally let go of Xie's collars (now that MK thought about it, how did you even grab a ghost's collars? Mystic Monkey Magic at play again?) "Get a bit carried away there."

He pointed at the two specters. "Meet the Heibai Wuchang. The ghost cops, or rather, parts of them. Remember your hair clones? Xiao Xie and Xiao Fan here are kinda like that, but with their souls."

"T-The ghost cops?" MK squirmed. The downpour had become a light drizzle, but he still felt chilly, and it wasn't because his T-shirt sleeves and socks were now soaked. "Like…the ones you see when you are about to die?"

"Don't worry, bud! They aren't here to take any of us away. I think." Sun Wukong narrowed his eyes slightly, "and even if they were, I'd like to see them try."

"Nah. Not a chance. This one still values his un-life—"

"Yeah? Then apologizing to my student and stop wandering around in that thing will be a good start!"

"—so yes, he is very sorry for the distress he caused, young one. The 'wandering around in possessed objects' part, though, is perfectly legal, and this one still has to take the puppet back to his temple, so sorry, no can do."

"You have a temple now?" Sun Wukong let out a chuckle of disbelief. "You two?"

"You really haven't been around here in a while, have you, Great Sage?" Nezha said. "Yes, unfortunately. It's a new South Seas trend, and I hope it stays where it is."

"Our main altar here is still inside the City God's temple. But there are more temples dedicated to us alone, across the strait." Fan said. "And I'm obligated to inform you that all deities who visit the South Seas in their true bodies instead of using clones or astral projections must notify the local City God's temple beforehand, or submit the relevant paperwork immediately after arrival."

"Hmm, and if I don't?" Sun Wukong raised an eyebrow. "What are you gonna do?"

"Other than following you around and staring at you judgmentally? Nothing substantial." Fan said, before sighing deeply. "But if you can at least pretend to respect us and not treat Underworld officials like the complete pushovers we are, we'd really appreciate it."

Sun Wukong hollered at that. "Y'know what? I think I'll do just that, since this you are a lot cuter and not a raging jerk!"

"You know my main soul can hear you, right?"

"Exactly." Sun Wukong grinned. Unlike a few minutes ago, it was a lot less tense. "So lead the way, Xiao Fan!"

…

When MK heard the whole…ghost temple thing, he was expecting skeletons, eerie lighting, spooky stuff.

Okay, some of the statues and puppets were still creepy. Same for the possessions. 

Sure, the ghost cops had explained that they had human "contractors" who'd let them possess their bodies willingly, after signing a lengthy form where all the risks and duties are spelled out clearly.

But when he thought of possessions, the only images that came to mind was LBD's host, shaking like she was in the middle of winter again despite sitting inside the safe, cozy confines of Pigsy's Noodles. And Sun Wukong's golden eyes glowing frost blue, devoid of all warmth and emotions.

Well, better get used to it now. Gonna see a lot more ghosts once the…summer school part of the vacation-slash-summer school starts.

MK took a deep breath and began to make his way back through the corridors, a small incense burner in hand. The exterior of the temple was dated and slightly out of place, sitting beneath towering skyscrapers and surrounded by neatly trimmed park lawn.

Past the main hall and the altar room behind it, however, the place could be mistaken for any modern office building. Or the background of a Monkey Cop episode, except the cops were all ghosts and the monkey was filling in the divine equivalent of a customs form.

"There, done." Sun Wukong said, putting the pen down, "Right in the nick of time! For real, though, couldn't you ghosts just burn the paperwork together with the rest of the effigies?"

"And get them stuck beneath a mountain of sports cars, or whatever insane vehicles people decide to send to their ancestors nowadays? No thanks." 

As he handed the incense burner over to Sun Wukong, who crumpled the form into a ball and tossed it inside, MK caught a glimpse of a dark blue aura, enveloping the handle of the back door before it opened on its own. Two more uniformed ghosts hovered in, telekinetically carrying multiple pitched paper objects.

"Speak of the devil…" Fan turned towards his partner, who was leaning leisurely against a wall. "This year's bunch are already coming in, and if you bothered working with a contractor today, you better put that physical body to good use and start helping!"

"Alright, alright, This one hears you." Xie yawned, then walked over and grabbed the floating effigies. "Hmmm, no helicopters or private jets this year? That's a bit disappointing."

"Well, Mr. Chow sent a pretty big table, boss. We don't think it's gonna fit through the backdoor, so we left it in the park pavilion."

"Excuse me?" MK perked up. At last, a chance to do something instead of just standing there and watching awkwardly. "Do you need something resized? Cause I have just the power for that!"

…

"Y'know, I was wondering what's so special about a table," Sun Wukong poked his head out from behind the door frame, trying very hard to suppress the giggles, "or why they'd make a live-sized one in the first place. Now I get it." 

"Kudos for dedication, I guess?" MK shrugged. "I'm sure their loved ones would, uh, appreciate the gift down there."

With a snap of his fingers, the paper Mahjong table returned to its original size, drastically reducing the remaining space inside the storage room. 

Yeah, the "craft" part of "Arts & Crafts" wasn't really his strong suit, but a piece this detailed and lovingly crafted? It probably took weeks to make. And cost more than an actual Mahjong table.

"Are you two done admiring the beauty of that absurd object? Can we please leave and go somewhere else now?" Nezha's muffled complaint came from the corridors. “It's raining outside again, and if we don't hurry——"

"Even if you do hurry, this one doubts you will be able to get any further than the bus stop, in the two minutes it shall take for the drizzle to become a downpour once more." Xie said, then tossed the last stack of golden joss paper into the storage room.

"Great! Wonderful! Yeah, I'm just looking forward to spending more time with you and your clowns-in-training." Nezha snarked. "How will we ever get anywhere in life without your nifty short-term prophecies?"

"Hey hey, Nezha, chill out. A dash of salt is good n' all, but you are getting spicy over there." Sun Wukong said. "But, speaking of ways to pass the time during a rainy day…"

There was a mischievous glint in his eyes, as he turned to look at Xie. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Judging by what this one just saw? Yes."

"Great! Come here, bud, I have something that will make our stay a lot less boring."

Sun Wukong beckoned MK over, back into the big guest room, then pulled out a tuft of hair. Seconds later, an actual Mahjong table landed squarely on the floor with a thud, complete with chairs and Mahjong sets, followed by an "Ohoho, lovely!" and two simultaneous shouts.

"Seriously? Don't set a bad example for your student!"

"Don't you dare corrupt our guests, Xiao Xie!"

"Please, this one is just joining in on the fun. Our guests have no problem 'corrupting' themselves, so to speak!"

"Oh, c'mon, it's not gambling if you aren't betting actual money!” Sun Wukong exclaimed. "It's like poker, but…for old people. Right, MK?"

"Um, one problem: I don't know how to play Mahjong! Or poker!" MK said, scratching his head. "The only card game I know is Uno."

"Great! You can just learn it on the fly, then, under the watchful eyes of Professor Sun and Teaching Assistant Nezha!"

"No way, Great Sage. I'm not helping you lure your student astray into a potential lifetime of wasted hours and petty vices."

"Really?" Sun Wukong flashed a taunting smile. "I bet you only said that 'cause you don't wanna lose too badly to me. Again."

"Oh, you take that back right now, monkey!" Nezha jabbed a finger at him. "If we were back in the old days and in a gambling house, you'd be going home in nothing but your undershirt and breeches by the end of the day!"

MK did not miss the implication that, at some point in the past, these two had indeed been to an actual gambling house.

"A bold challenge if I've ever heard one!" Sun Wukong's grin widened. "Or is your bark worse than your bite? Brag all you like, but the only way to prove it is to get on the table yourself."

"I——Screw this, I'm in," Nezha took a deep breath, “But only because it will be quite satisfying, kicking the collective behinds of the two most annoying gods I've ever met." A glare at Sun Wukong, then, at Xie. "So. Get. Ready."

"That's the Third Prince I know!" Sun Wukong gave him a thumbs-up. "Bring it on, lad!"

MK gulped. "Yeah, sorry, I think I'm just gonna watch you guys play first. Get a feel of the game before jumping in. Is that alright?"

"No prob. Though this did put us in the most classic bind in the entire history of Mahjong…" Sun Wukong paused dramatically. "The 'Short of a Fourth' problem."

"That won't be me." Fan immediately said, before walking through the nearest wall. "Still have a job to do." He turned, poking his head out of the wall once more. "But by all means, teach Xiao Xie a lesson for me."

"Ah well." Sun Wukong shrugged, reaching towards his head. "Guess this calls for my clone——"

"No!" Nezha smacked his hand away. "That's just blatant cheating!"

"But literal future vision isn't?"

"Hey, it's not like this one can turn it off." Xie protested. He looked like he wanted to say something else, before Sun Wukong stood up, dashing out of the door and towards the altar room. 

"Guys! We are one person short of a Mahjong game here!" A pause. "Niang Niang? Ah Pek? Datuk? Hello? Anyone up to it?"

"...What's he doing?"

"The divine equivalent of spamming telephone calls." Nezha rolled his eyes. "Yelling into the ears of every deity's idol he can find, and hoping for a response."

"For your knowledge, we have a three-people variant of the game here," Xie added, unhelpfully.

…

Way after Sun Wukong had returned, sulking a little but soon jumped right into arguing with Nezha, MK heard a chime. 

Like someone had just dropped a bunch of coins onto a marble floor, but…louder. Okay, he wasn't too sure about that last part, because if the others heard it too, they did not react to the noise at all.

"It's still not gambling! Just a way to keep the score, yanno?" Sun Wukong continued, tossing a tangerine back and forth between his hands——one he probably pinched from a random altar table on his way back. "Also, the game will be pretty boring if you aren't winning something."

"That's the very definition of gambling." Nezha said, with a deadpan expression. "Wagering money or other stakes in a game of chance."

"It's only a stake if it's something of value, and outside of sentimental ones, these offerings have none." Sun Wukong turned to Xie. "Otherwise you won't give them away to folks for free before they spoil, right?"

"Indeed, for we've already eaten them." 

MK squinted at the fruit; not a single bite mark or patch of peeled skin was found on its exterior.

"Ewww." Sun Wukong grimaced. "Anyways, that just makes them even less valuable and further proves my point."

"Is that supposed to be convincing? Because I'm not taking home a bunch of ghost-eaten fruits even if you give them to me for free——"

"Greetings," someone cleared their throat, then said in a deep, magnetic voice, "Is it you who invited this Zhao to your humble temple for a game, friends?"

The door curtain jingled; in walked a dark-faced man with an impressively bushy beard, clad in gilded black armor and red-gold robes. The only thing that didn't make him as intimidating as he should was the black tiger cub, clinging onto his shoulder pauldron like an oversized housecat.

"Yep, Lao Zhao!" Sun Wukong cheered, "Didn't think you'd have the time, but here you are!" He winked at MK, "Now, ya' ever seen a God of Wealth statue in your Dadsy's store? If you did: this is your guy in the flesh, Zhao Gongming himself."

"Oh yeah! The statue," MK tried his best to recall something that looked like the man, yet the only thing that came to mind was the adorable and totally dissimilar one on the counter. "You mean he's..the cat?"

"Ha! I like your little disciple, Great Sage." Zhao Gongming laughed. "Sadly, no. The only feline here is my steed, Biandan Hua." He pointed to the tiger cub. "In her baby form, so I don't get animal control called on me again. Mortals these days are so easily startled, I swear."

"Aww, that's the cutest name I ever heard." Sun Wukong cooed, earning an unimpressed look from the tiger. "Anyways, since we have our fourth guy here, without further ado, let's begin——"

"A second. I'm here for business too. Serious business," he held up a hand. "Have any of you seen a golden scissor? It's about this size, but becomes a lot bigger when transformed," a gesture, "about the size of a city block. Ah, and it can turn into two flood dragons."

"Nope!"

"Hmm. This one doesn't think so."

"The Golden Dragon Shears?" Nezha’s eyes widened. "How did you lose *that*, Marshal Zhao?!"

"I didn't! It's probably my youngest sister again. Bixiao is still rummaging through our study, so I may as well check in the Lower Realms while she's at it." He said. "Make sure no one has 'borrowed' it without their permission."

"Why are y'all looking at me?" 

Awkward silence ensued, broken immediately by Sun Wukong's indignant huff.

"Okay, first, I'm insulted by your insinuations! You eat a few peaches, and suddenly you are THE suspect whenever something goes missing up there." He shook his head. "Second, you have sisters, Lao Zhao? Huh, never know that."

"Well, unless you are planning to have kids in the immediate future, Great Sage, your paths are unlikely to cross!" Zhao Gongming laughed, before resuming his frown. "Our scissors are far from the only missing treasure, though. Other palaces have also reported similar cases over the last hour. I'll just have to go shake down Spirit Official Ma again——wouldn't be the first time that little candlewick bugger tried to pin his thefts on someone else."

At the mention of Spirit Official Ma, Nezha mouthed something that sounded suspiciously like a swear word. Sun Wukong made a face. 

"Yeah, show that Huaguang brat who's boss! But before that, surely you still have time for a Mahjong game? It'll only be a minute up there." 

"Hmm, I suppose it won't hurt." Zhao Gongming replied, twirling his beard. "But with one condition: no one uses their godly powers."

"Define 'godly powers'?" 

"Anything that requires intent to activate." Zhao Gongming said. "Your golden vision, active divination instead of passive, uncontrollable foresights, my power over fortune..."

A sigh. "I've played enough games where that is allowed. With my disciples it always turns into a teaching session, and playing against my fellow gods of wealth feels more like a power-measuring contest than a true match of skills, especially when Bi Gan was involved." He shook his head. "For a scholarly god of wealth, the old man can be more competitive than us martial ones."

"I feel ya', Lao Zhao. It's always the old geezers who play dirty."

"Hello? Excuse me?" Nezha asked. "Am I the only one who's more concerned about the missing treasure of mass destruction than the silly Mahjong game?!"

"Yes, yes you are." Sun Wukong smirked. "It's just a tiny scissor! What mass destruction can it cause, other than to Art & Crafts materials?"

"Says the blissfully ignorant monkey who has never seen it in action," Nezha retorted, then lowered his head with a defeated look. "Whatever. I don't care anymore. Just don't mention me when the Celestial Host starts pointing fingers and your sisters come knocking, Marshal Zhao."

"You have my words, Third Prince." Zhao Gongming made a fist-and-palm salute, almost jokingly. "For I'm not one to tattle, even if it means enduring Yunxiao's scolding alone. Now, what are the stakes for this game?"

…

After a brief discussion, the four had settled on using some unopened and unoffered snacks as their stakes. Which still didn't beat the gambling allegations, according to Nezha. 

Well, it was better than betting all your belongings on a rigged game and losing them all, at least. And after watching a few rounds of their play, MK's only thought was Dang, if that goldfish demon chose this game back then, he wouldn't even need to cheat to wipe the floor with me.

"You know, if someone tells me I'll be watching the Great Sage, two celestial gods, and a ghost play Mahjong like old people at a community center during the first day of our vacation..." MK mumbled to himself, "I'll probably believe it, actually."

Despite having only the vaguest idea of the rules——whoever completed a set of certain tiles first won the game——and not getting any closer to understanding them, he was determined to keep watching. 

If only because Sun Wukong winked at him right before tossing the dice and starting the round, and he was pretty sure it meant "Watch and learn, bud!" in a way that suggested the message went beyond a simple Mahjong game.

"What you are seeing now is not a typical day for most of us, if that makes you feel less disillusioned." Fan said, without looking up from the documents he was flipping through. 

A while ago, the ghost had returned with a stack of them, and the papers were now floating around him in a ring, suspended by the dark blue glow of telekinesis. If that wasn't the most stylish way of doing paperworks, MK didn’t know what was.

"Uh, but I'm not?" MK said. "It's just…a lot less serious than I thought, this whole 'gods' business, and honestly, I'm not complaining! The Great Sage looks like he’s having a good time too."

Back on the table, Sun Wukong and Nezha yelled "Pong!" at the same time, then immediately glared at each other.

"Hey, I said that first!"

"That doesn’t matter, because you are cheating!" Nezha huffed. "It is impossible for two players to Pong at the same time unless someone has sneaked an extra tile in there while shuffling them, and we all know who that is."

"Well yeah, but I'm just evening the odds in a rigged game, Laodi." Sun Wukong said, eyeing Xie sharply. "For the sake of fairness, I'll allow you to cheat back too. How 'bout that?"

"Good grief, and I thought Master Taiyi was the most unabashed cheater I ever met on the table." Nezha took a deep breath and announced, "New battle objective: show the two cheaters who's boss, without lowering myself to their level."

"Well, this one can't blame the Great Sage for it. Two more turns, and he’ll claim the first win."

"Keep your visions to yourself, ghost!"

"Thanks a lot, Xiao Xie." Sun Wukong grinned. "That gives me even more reason to do it."

A few more turns, a few more clacks, and the monkey was left staring wordlessly at the table.

"Hey, what the heck! Your vision isn't right."

"This one's vision is always right. That, however, isn't one." Xie gave them an innocent look. "It's just the time-honored tactic of 'lying', friend."

"Serve you right for trusting him and cheating." Nezha snorted, before reaching out to claim the discarded tile.

"Why, ya' little——!"

"Credit where credit's due, that sure is a more entertaining use of precognition than the average Dipper Mansion chess game." Zhao Gongming commented, amidst the chaos. "I look forward to what you will bring to the table next, budding little wealth god."

"More bullshit, that's what he'll bring." Fan crossed his arms. "And he wonders why I don't play chess with him anymore."

"Well, I guess it could be worse." MK said. "They could be playing Monopoly."

"What's a Mono-poly?"

"A game that ruins friendships and turns family members against each other. Mei tried introducing her cousins to that during a New Year gathering." MK shuddered. "Some of them still won't talk to her."

"Sounds like it needs to be exorcized." Fan said, without a single hint that he was joking. 

"Please don't."

MK kind of got the impression that he was the "by-the-book" cop of their buddy cop pair, who sounded serious whether he meant it or not, but maybe the kiddy soul would take things just that literally.

Sadly, his clarification ended up killing the conversation. For the next few moments, they just sat side-by-side, listening to the clacking of Mahjong tiles.

And the clacking had intensified, as the game picked up speed. Sun Wukong in particular was speeding up into a blur, fidgeting in his chair, using only one hand to move the tiles while juggling the same poor tangerine with the other.

Now, he was always in motion, gesturing as he talked, grabbing something or the other wherever they went. But the fidgeting had intensified to a point well beyond what MK was used to, which was making him fidgety too.

After a loud "Would you please stop that?" from Nezha, MK finally mustered enough courage to half-prod at Fan——and immediately drew his hand back! Wow, ghosts are freezing to the touch. 

(Okay, he wasn't really touching anything solid, but it felt like reaching into a pocket of sub-zero-degree air, made even more jarring by the heat of summer.)

"Sorry sir, one question." MK asked. "I don't really have a good grip on the rules yet, but is the Great Sage in trouble now? Like, is he losing?"

"No idea. I'm not bored enough to watch and guess their sets." Fan said. "But if you are talking about his hyperactivity, that's not a result of panic."

"Then what’s he doing?"

"He's teaching you how to fight someone with precognition."

"By…acting like a wind-up toy?"

"On the surface level, yes." He answered. "How much do you know about divination?"

To pain. 

No, not that one. MK shook his head wildly. "Next to nothing, I guess."

"Good. You aren't losing out on much." Fan said, before frowning. "I'd rather know less about it, but Xiao Xie just has to be an insufferable prick, so here we are. Essentially, think of Fate like a game of cards, or Mahjong, or whatever game of chance of your liking."

MK chuckled. The idea of Fate being a Uno game was quite a funny one, not gonna lie, if only because he'd get to figuratively shout "Reverse!" at someone.

"The Way is the ruleset, what is allowed and not allowed to happen. The winning and losing conditions. The cards and tiles are the individual events and outcomes, happening to a being as they draw them, one by one."

"To the Dipper Mansion celestials in charge of Fate, divination is like having your master's golden eyes and fiery vision. They can see through the cards and tiles, know what's on them instinctively, and are thus banned from playing, only able to shuffle and deal them out on the Celestial Host's orders."

Zhao Gongming's tiger, having jumped off its master's shoulder long ago, pawed at Sun Wukong's twitching tail. This only egged the monkey on, as they promptly began a game of 'catch my tail if you can' off the table.

"For some," he looked at Nezha, his face a mask of intense concentration, "it isn't so much divination as making snap-second, highly accurate guesses, aided by superb memorization skills. To the more unfortunate mortals, however, it's like seeing recordings of multiple games playing side-by-side, with no way of knowing which one is theirs."

"Lucky for my sworn brother and almost no one else, he can see snippets of a single recording, which just happens to be ours." Fan said. "It's also random, very short-reaching, and makes the part of his soul that bears the brunt of it into a kooky brat with no self-preservation instincts. But I've complained enough. Now that you know how his precognition works, what will you do to counter it?"

"Does not playing the game count?"

"A wise choice. But suppose you don't get to choose."

"I, uh." Think, smartie kid, think! What is the relationship between ultra-hyperactive monkey behavior and beating a ghost with future vision on the Mahjong table? (Oh geez, it's like that one question about ravens and writing desks in that foreign children's book again…)

"I guess I'll make myself, well, unpredictable and even more random?" He finally said, hesitantly.

"Not very specific, but you get the gist of it." Fan nodded. "Going back to my analogy, your master knows his opponent is making a random draw too, except each card he draws allows him to see others claiming or discarding a certain tile."

"So he decides to add more useless cards into the pool. False maneuvers, feints," Fan pointed to the tiger, still pawing at Sun Wukong’s tail, "Artificially creating another game on the side to divert the visions. Nothing can be a hundred percent predictable, not even literal future vision, and if only my partner realized that, he'd be a lot less annoying and not on the way to getting absolutely destroyed in this game."

"Wow. That's very clever and all, but should you really be telling me this?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't know much about the Underworld, outside of how Monkey King wrecked the place and scribbled him and his monkeys' name off the Book of Life and Death——" MK waved nervously, "No hard feelings 'bout that, ey? But if the Great Sage is teaching me how to counter you guys, does that mean you'll be going after us at some point in the future?"

"Technically, we'll be going after everyone who isn't an immortal or formally ranked celestial, sooner or later." Fan said. "Your master is firmly in the first category, and for you, that won't be in a long, long time, if it eases your worries."

"Yeah, no. Not at all. Thanks."

"You don't like ghosts very much, do you." He said, then, before MK could reply, added, "Which is fine. We don't like ourselves either."

"Uhhhh, don't be?" Oh gosh, was there really a way to word this without offending ghosts more? "It's not like I dislike you guys! Like, you and the other ghost cops seem pretty chill. It's just, y'know, a bit freaky, seeing the walking reminder of my inevitable mortality and all, ahahaha…"

"It is. And I won't tell you what to feel about that." Fan held up a finger, and the documents he had been reading were instantly sorted into neat little stacks in midair. "But if there is one thing you remember from our conversation, let it be this: no game lasts forever."

"One has to end in order for another to begin, and a game where no one wins or loses is gonna be a very boring one. We, officials of the Ten Courts, are but the keepers of scores, and you don't have to win in order to have fun while it lasts."

"Hu le." Zhao Gongming's calm voice cut through the chit-chat, followed by a light thud of him pushing the tiles over. "Four Kongs."

All eyes were immediately on him.

"By Buddha, Lao Zhao! No wonder you've been so quiet."

"Ugh!" Nezha facepalmed. "I was so close!" He shot a half-hearted glare at Sun Wukong. "This is all your fault, by the way. Without the extra tiles you snuck in there, he'd have never gotten such a rare combination."

"C'mon, maybe he's just that lucky?"

"Very enlightening." Xie hummed, handing over the bag of peach-flavored chips to Zhao. "This one knows he won't be winning the first round, but its certainly a great start!"

"And this is why you don't gamble with a literal, formally ranked, celestial god of wealth." Fan said, after a long, stunned silence. "Even when he isn't actively using his influence, for fairness's sake."

"He's not?"

"If he did, he'd just win every round, and there wouldn't be a game to speak of."

…

They stopped playing when the rain stopped, at which point the sun had already disappeared below the horizon. Zhao Gongming left halfway after getting an astral call from his sisters, shaking his head, giving MK the chance to finally join in. 

Sun Wukong had stopped cheating after that——at least not as blatantly, if Nezha's words were to be believed. To MK, he just settled back into his old laid back attitude, which, in turn, made his own palms less sweaty as he faced off against the other two.

He still lost, badly, only barely managing a win at the very end. Not that it mattered, since Nezha had soundly kicked everyone's butts like he wanted, coming out at the top by a wide margin of three bags of chips and a single Tau Sar Piah.

"Let this be your lesson, Monkie Kid," he said, with a hint of childish glee, "That hard work, knowledge of statistics, and memorization skills will always triumph over luck and a bunch of cheating clowns."

"Ah well. I'll let you have your moment, Laodi, since it's pretty much the only fight you can win against me." Sun Wukong responded with a cheeky smile, then tore open his bag of chips and started munching loudly on them. 

"Yes, keep telling yourself that. Maybe you'll actually start believing in it." Nezha smirked, before standing up from his chair. "I'll just be over here, basking in the glow of victory and trying to not run into my brother on the way back——"

As if on cue, a shout came from outside.

"GREETINGS! This Hui An pays his respect to the City God and his attendants!"

"Annnnnd there goes my good mood." Nezha muttered. A formation started glowing under his feet. "Goodbye. If anyone asks, I've never been here."

Almost immediately after he disappeared in a blaze of pink fire, the speaker outside with the loud, booming, megaphone-against-your-ears voice marched through the doorway.

"Oh. Hi there, Muzha."

"HI THERE, as the younger generation says these days!" The tall man replied cheerfully. The dangling green ties on his hair bun were swaying back and forth, as he made a bow. 

"Heard you yelling into Lady Guanyin's statue a while ago, Great Sage, so I decided to pay a visit. Is my brother here too? Longnü said she saw you two flying together, while weaving the storm clouds with her kins."

"Well, in Nezha's exact words, 'If anyone asks, I've never been here'." Sun Wukong shrugged.  "So no, he is not here." 

"Ah. Embarrassed, I see!" He exclaimed, making his way to the Mahjong table and staring down at the tiles. "He really shouldn't be, though. By my religious vows, I'm supposed to refrain from such worldly pass-times, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be preachy about it!"

Now MK was starting to have an idea of what "Too much" meant. Namely, his complete lack of volume control.

"Well, looks like I've dropped by at a rather inopportune time, so I won't keep you fellows any longer, Great Sage. Thanks for keeping my little brother company, though——"

His sight met MK's, and only then did Muzha seem to notice his presence. "And DEAR ME! Is that your new disciple I've heard so much about? A pleasure to meet you too, young one!"

He reached out for a handshake. MK made the mistake of taking it, and immediately winced. 

"Oww, owww——Nice to meet you too?!"

"Please stop crashing my disciple's hand, Muzha."

"Sorry, sorry!" He laughed, releasing his iron grip at last. "It's just so wonderful to see the juniors coming into their own, I get a bit carried away. Still, this acolyte looks forward to working with you in the days to come!"

"Man, we are busy here today, aren't we?" Xie commented, just as the overly cheerful and loud immortal made a turn and headed for the backdoor. "So many visitors. Not that this one is complaining."

"...Yeah." MK agreed, after awkwardly waving Muzha goodbye.

Well, one thing was certain: godhood internship or not, he'd sure have one hell of a story to tell once he got back home.

[butchsophiewalten]

03/09/24 Twitter Space Recap

Quick recap of the twitter space from yesterday. Another one with Martin, Kyle, Coral, and eventually Eva. They tried to make this another Q&A but they mostly just talked and joked between themselves. Here's a rough recap of what they talked about:

-Martin talks about how it's always difficult for him to answer questions like, "Can I get a fun fact about [Character]?", because he doesn't just have a bunch of information pre-prepared about every character in his webseries. He specifies that it's not bad to ask those questions, just that he has a hard time answering them.

-Martin tells Kyle to give his idea for what each of the Showstoppers would dress up as for Halloween, and he says, "Boozoo is a lion, Sha is a sunflower, Banny is a horse, and Bon doesn't dress up." Martin says he agrees, but that he thinks Banny could also be a pirate.

-Someone asks for confirmation on whether Chris' last name is 'Easterday' or 'Easteryear', and Martin says that it was always supposed to be Easteryear, but after the fandom caught in calling him Easterday, some of the crew caught on to calling him that, too. But "Easteryear" is what his name is supposed to be.

-Martin mentions that just the other day he was talking about Chris with the rest of the crew, and how they've worked on polishing his character arc into something they all think is much more cool.

-Martin says that they explained some lore stuff to Coral, about something that happens "very, very later," in the series, and how they were extremely upset and heartbroken over it. They mention a drawing they had posted to Twitter a few days before, of them hunting Martin down with a knife, and how that was the context for it.

-Eva talks about how Martin was explaining the series lore to Felix's new VA in the crew discord server, and how it apparently took him an hour and a half of explaining just to get to the point of explaining the car crash.

-Martin says, "Everything that happens after Brian's death, after BunnyFarm is so much! I don't know how I'm going to write all that down!"

-Kyle asks Martin how he comes up with last names for characters, because he knows that Martin never googles to find authentic or realistic American last names, and just makes them up. Kyle says that he knows "Walten" is a portmantaeu of "Walls" and "Martin", but wants to know what some other ones are.

Martin explains how he came up with 'Easteryear', saying "Back in 2020, when I was doing research for The Walten Files, I started looking for, like, show tapes of like, 70s animatronic bands. And I came up with Chuck E. Cheese show tapes, and there was this one that was called "Broadway Yesteryear", and I kept mispronouncing it with 'Easteryear, Easteryear', and I was like, 'That would be a fun last name,' and I kept it in my pocket until it was, like, useful. And then I started coming up with all the names, and shit like that. I think Easteryear and Letterson were like, the more creative ones i did."

Kyle asks him how he came up with 'Letterson', then, and Martin says, "Letterson- Letterson is like 'Letterman', but instead of Letterman, it's just 'Letterson.'

-Martin says that he's always trying to find ways to insert Brian Stells into The Walten Files, even though he's a character with absolutely no depth, and was never intended to do more than teach the audience that Bon is dangerous, but he appreciates Brian's place in the legacy of The Walten Files, with him being the first human character to speak and the first character to die, and he likes to kind of honor that by trying to find small ways to include him.

-Martin says something vaguely about Chris in season 2, which confuses Eva. She asks him if Chris appears in Season 2, because she doesn't think he does, and Martin responds, "Yeah. Yeah, he does."

-Coral is confused about how many seasons The Walten Files is supposed to have, because last they remember, it only had two. Martin explains, "There's three seasons. Season one is like, y'know. Season two is like, shorter, and it's about Sophie and Jenny, and Season three is how everything, like, ends. What happens after."

-Martin reads a question, "What character is the community's perception of most inaccurate?" and then says, "I think we can all agree that it's Jack." Kyle then says that he thinks another good candidate answer is Sophie, saying that he thinks people tend to characterize her as much more "bubbly" than she even remotely is.

-Martin takes the time to specify that there's nothing wrong with misinterpreting these characters, because we've seen so little of them in the series and it's been so long in between episodes that people are bound to come up with their own ideas of what characters are like, but that he wants everyone to keep an open mind when we start to see more of how those characters are actually depicted, because it may not line up with that people are imagining or hoping for, and how that's not necessarily a flaw with the series.

-Martin says, "The Walten Files, when we make the series, we don't create the characters and go, 'oh, he's a villain, he's that,' we create the actions they make, and we let the viewer decide whether or not this character is a good or bad guy. The characters make good and bad decisions."

-Eva says, in reference to "Bon", "You guys have not even scratched the surface. I'm so fucking excited for his character."

-Martin says, "Here's like, a message to the audience. Do you wanna know a word that can, like, fucking destroy the crew, but to you guys, has like no fucking meaning? Y'know what fucking word it is? 'Sayonara.'" The second he says this, everyone else in the space starts groaning in agony, or shouting at him.

-Eva reads a question, "If Sophie was a cat, what kind of cat would she be?" Martin does not answer, and instead posts this drawing to twitter:

-Martin talks about how, for the upcoming episodes, Kyle & Coral recorded their lines (as Charles and Susan) separately, but their dynamic is so good, that it sounds very authentically like they could've been recording in the same room. They say that they'd love to record some audio in a call together at some point, but that it'd be difficult to coordinate around Coral's timezone.

-Eva reads a question, "Would Jenny like My Little Pony, if so, what would her favorite pony be?" Martin answers, "Uh, she would definitely like Applejack, in my opinion."

-Martin reads a question, "Will any of the episodes take place past the Relocate Project?" and answers, "Not in season one, but in season two, I think all the episodes take place after BunnyFarm."

-Martin reads a question, "Will you guys get a new band for The Walten Files after Sweet Tuesday?" and answers, "Uh, No, I don't think so. We don't talk to Sweet Tuesday."

-Martin reads a question, "How would Rosemary's sister react to hearing about Rose going missing?", and answers, "They weren't close, but I think she would be very-" and then Coral interrupts him, going "Rosemary has a sister?" to which Martin responds, "Yeah, it isn't brought up in this season, but yeah, she does have a sister. But they're very- they're not close. They don't have a very good relationship, so. Uh, it's Laura Peony."

-Eva asks, if Susan would be like a cool aunt to the Walten kids, and Martin says, "Yeah, she would be."

-Martin reads a question, "Was "Bon" planned from the start, or did you come up with him later?" and answers, "This is really good! Okay, so, Bon was always a character, but, uh, the idea of "Bon" as a ghost, it was born after episode 3. But this character always existed, just not in this way.

-Martin says, "'We know Jack used to make sandwiches for his employees, who was the one that always got sandwiches, and someone who almost every time didn't get one?' Um, the one who almost every time didn't get one was probably Richie."

-"I like the idea of Richie just being a lazy piece of shit, and he would just like, hide in the bathrooms so he can just smoke and do shit, and Jack would just ominously stand next to him until he notices, for just minutes and minutes."

-Martin says Susan is 6'2, and that Jack is "a few inches" taller than her.

-Eva reads a question asking if Sophie & Jenny would keep their relationship a secret because of the time period. Martin says, "Okay, no, I don't think they would keep it an entire secret, I don't think they'd be like, 'oh, dude, we can't say it,' I feel like they would just be, like- I feel like they would just- they don't feel the need to like, tell it to people. They don't feel the need to be like, 'oh, we're girlfriends,' y'know?"

-Martin and Coral joke that Sophie wouldn't even know what homophobia is, growing up around so many other queer and accepting people. During this conversation, Coral says, "Charles is like, the ultimate lesbian." (I assume they meant 'lesbian ally'? but this is way funnier.)

-Martin has spent much of the space repeating a joke about Jack telling Rosemary to "make [him] a sandwich", stemming from a conversation about how funny it would be if Jack in the series was just this terrible person. He jokes now, approaching the idea a little more seriously, that Jack would say that to Rosemary as a joke, and she would give him an absolutely terrifying death glare.

He says it'd be funny if Jack made the same 'make me a sandwich' joke to Rose, and she went, 'oh okay!! ^_^', to Jack's surprise, and then came back with a sandwich that is just a "gallon of salt" in between two slices of bread, and she forces him to eat it.

-Coral tries to answer a question about whether or not Richie would sell weed, and Martin interrupts them to say that he thinks Richie would try to sell weed to the BSI crew, and they would be like, 'yeah, no thank you.'

-Someone asks if Susan would like the Showbiz Pizza animatronics, and Coral says they think she would like them from a technical standpoint.

-Coral reads a question, "How did Susan find out she was a lesbian?", and says, "I feel like she never 'figured out', it was more of a case that she always felt like that and didn't care what anyone else said," to which Martin agrees.

-Martin reads a question, "Does Sarah Evelyn have a favorite animal?" and says, "How the fuck do you remember Sarah Evelyn? She was just like, an animator on Bon's Burgers, that's it. I don't know." Coral corrects him, saying that she was a writer, but agrees that it's really funny for people to remember that character at all.

-Izzsplash, Jenny's VA, joins the space! She's recovering from Covid.

-Martin reads a question he really likes and seems excited for, "Will we ever see a clip of Jenny angry?", but answers it by quoting the same "Make me a sandwich!" joke he's been quoting for the entire space.

-Martin reads a question for Izzy, "How has your perception of the character of Jenny changed from the first time you voiced her to now?" Izzy answers, "That is a good question! I think, when I first met Jenny, I was like, 'that girl looks silly,' but now that I've talked to everyone and like, really, like- after BunnyFarm, I was like, 'this is not just a silly, that's- that's an actual, like, good friend, person. Like, she's a lot- there's a lot more to Jenny than people thing. I'll put it there. She's not just a silly- she is silly! She can be '/j', but she's also '/srs'.

[seonuyang]

If this isn’t posted well forgive me, I’m still very new to tumblr lol (Cross-posted on YouTube as well)

Here’s an analysis I posted on the English translation of the song name 鬼��蛛ト狐ノ獅子ト (Onigumo to Kitsune no Shishi to)

I was talking to my friend Shinsei about this on Discord and I wanted to share it here, the name “The Spider and the Kitsune-Like Lion” isn’t the actual name of the song.

If we take this into context, the Romaji is Onigumo to Kitsune no Shishi to, which we know Onigumo is not meant to be translated as it refers to the clan that was sent out to kidnap the women used in perform in the Shishikusa theatre. The word Onigumo is roughly translated to Araneus ventricosus (species of orb-weaving spider), hence why we get the word Spider so frequently in the translation.

Now for the second half, we have to go into Japanese particles, the Romaji for this part is Kitsune no Shishi to. の (no) as a Japanese particle indicates possession. While the word order looks a bit different, it works like ’s (apostrophe s) or of.

Example:

Watashi no namae wa Naomi desu.

わたし の なまえ は なおみ です。

“My name is Naomi.”

So the Kitsune no in the first half of the romaji is referred to the Kitsune’s Lion-Like behaviour, contrary to the Kitsune-like Lion. We can also conclude this with the Shishi to half of the section. と (to) means “and” or “with”, and is used specifically to list nouns when you know everything on the list and are saying all the items. So if the words between those to translate to Like and Lion the To after Shishi combines those two rather than Kitsune and Like.

Using these two parts the real name of

鬼蜘蛛ト狐ノ獅子ト (Onigumo to Kitsune no Shishi to) is Onigumo and the Lion-like Kitsune, of course Japanese orders things differently so it doesn’t line up exactly with the Romaji but that’s pretty normal to see between Japanese and English translations once you actually look into the Japanese.

This translation also makes more sense considering the lore of the Onibi Series and the context of Onigumo to Kitsune no Shishi to.

If any of this is inaccurate please let me as I do not speak Japanese and this purely based on my research. Anyways, thanks for listening to my little Japanese research dive lol.

Here’s a picture of the Onibi that I drew to top this all off.

(English is not my first language so I apologise if this is worldly weirdly, my English grammar is absolute trash lol)

[echantedtoon]

Twilight Sparkle x Discord

****************

Silent. That was the way she liked it. After a long week of dealing with problems, it was nice just relaxing with a good book. She groaned just thinking about the last couple days. First she had a talk with the school fillies about the importance of friendship, then a MAJOR Spring clean up of her castle. Polishing every inch of the inside and out. Over seeing that year's Winter Wrap Up. A family dinner, and agreeing to watch her niece for a bit. Two friendship problems, a sleep over, and FINALLY a diplomatic meeting in Canterlot with Princess Celestia and Luna. It seemed she could finally relax without being interrupted as Spike agreed to help Rarity and Fluttershy with a pet fashion line, Rainbow was doing Wonderbolt training, and Pinkie was helping A.J. plain Big Mac's birthday. And she wasn't expecting any visitors. Yes. It was a quiet night. Too bad she didn't suspect a chaotic interruption. "Why....Hello there my dear little Starbutt! How are you tonight?" She groaned before face-hooving herself. Of course. Of course! He would show up after a long week of stressful events and planning. "What do you want, Discord?" She turned around and came face to face with the smiling chesire grin of the chaotic being. The Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony himself was floating leisurely above her. He twisted around much like a serpent until he was in the position that resembled somepony laying on their stomach.....except he was in the air. The mismatched creature smiled wider. "I got bored and seeing as everypony else is busy at the moment except you, I figured.....Why not drop by and see how....glad you'd be to see a friend?" ".......*sigh* It's nice to see you too, Discord. But, did you really have to show up now. I wasn't prepared for any visits right now." "Well......you might as well get used to this sort of thing. Considering both of us suffer from immortal-itise. Or did you forget about your meeting with the ambassador?" "........How could you have possibly known about that?!" How could he, indeed. Yesterday's diplomatic meeting......hadn't been the worst. But it most certainly wasn't the best.

It turns out a King from a kingdom from the lands up north had come all the way to the land of Equestria to discuss a possible trading partnership or alliance. They settled on an alliance, but then the suggestion of a marriage between his son and one of the princesses to unite their kingdoms came up. It turned out that where he was from, it was quite common to seal important deals with a marriage. Both Princess Celestia and Luna could use the argument of being too old and explained that they had already been married at least four times each, and since Cadence was already married.....She had to very politely and forcefully turn down his.....nine suggestions to her. But, on his tenth try, she nearly made an outburst. "But, you will probably never know what marriage would be like anyway. Why not experience it ounce before your immortality and stubbornness makes you into an old maid mare?" She wanted to scream, 'What the hay is wrong with you?! I am perfectly capable of finding a colt friend by myself!! In MY own time!!' Celestia had placed a wing around her and sternly told him it was rude to force others into something and that no meant no. And that was that. He waved his lion paw. "I'm the spirit of chaos and disharmony. Time is no problem for me." "......*sigh* What's even the point of this talk?" "To let you know that you're not the only immortal to be faced with the problem of a spouse." She raised an eyebrow at this."......YOU have been pressured by a king to marry his son?" "No. What I meant was that we all have different versions of that problem. With a spouse and immortality." ".......I don't follow you." "Take Sun and Moonbutt for example. They've already been married.....Oh, I don't know....three or four times each and have stopped because of their age and they can't take it anymore. And your niece is going to have to learn to learn to live without Shining Armor one day like Cadence.......We all have that problem, Twilight. Even if it's different versions of it." "........And you?" "Me? Well.......I had one crush when I was really young.....but it didn't last long. But, I am currently infatuated with another mare." "........" She stood up to place a hoof on his shoulder. "Discord......I'm sorry to tell you this.....but Fluttershy is already with somepony else." "....." He stared at her.".......Pffft. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! *gasp* Hahahaha!!'' She was quite taken aback from his sudden outburst. "My dear.....I'm afraid you have the wrong mare." ".....But.....I thought..." "Fluttershy would be anyone's first guess....but she will never be more than a dear friend to me. But, I am going to keep a VERY close eye on that Iron Will fellow she's with." "......Then who? Pinkie Pie?"

"Goodness. No. That mare is too hyper. Even for me." "......Trixie?," she asked trying to think of any mares that could be that close to him. "Friend zone." "Rarity?" "Already with Fancy Overalls." "You mean Fancy Pants." "Yes. Him." "......Rainbow?" Already with Soarin, and A.J. isn't interested in a relationship. And as I've stated before, Tia and Moony are done with any hubbies." "Then that doesn't leave anyone left." He put both hands under his chin and gave her a half lidded look. "Really, Ms. Sparkle? Everyone?" "Well, of course. It's non of our friends or the Princesses-" "Who said it wasn't a princess?" He raised an eyebrow. "But, you said-" "I know what I said. I said I wasn't interested in the sisters, and obviously your niece and Cadence aren't an option. Too young and already married." "Then who could you possibly.....be...talking....about?" She slowly met his gaze....and he smiled wider if that was even possible. She raised a hoof to point at herself. "Me?" "Ding, ding, ding! Congratulation!! You won the 'I take too long to realize things' award!" She decided to ignore his obnoxious shout. "Why?" "You challenge me. Surprise me. You have magical abilities that rival the other princesses and even Star Swirl himself. You surprise me everytime I try to be......playful." She rolled her eyes. "You even saved my life ounce. Despite the awful things I did. Fluttershy is my friend, but even she would've never gave up all that magic just to save me or her friends. She would've most likely ran and went into hiding to save the Princesses' magic." ".......And what makes you think I would even consider being with you? Not that I'm trying to be rude." "Oh, come now. You can't tell me that you aren't even the bit curious about me. A chaotic being that's lived for centuries and the only surviving member of my kind. Not to mention all those lessons you would've never learnt without me." "......." She hated to admit it, but he did have a point. She had thought about those things a couple of times, but never really thought he'd actually tell her. "Besides....having a spouse that would keep me entertained, be my friend, and most of all......would be with me to the end of time. Literally.....That's a lucky find immortals rarely run into." ".......Discord.....I..." "One chance." "What?" "One chance. That's all I ask for. If it doesn't work out, no harm done. We'll still be friends and I'll never bother you with it again." "When?" "Tomorrow is Hearts and Hooves Day. Seems like a decent time. Plus, it might keep Blue Blood and the rest of those young nobles away." "Uh.....Don't remind me." "Then it's a date, I presume." ".......Ok. A date. It beats being stuck without anything to do. And who knows? It could be interesting." "Oh, good. I'm going to fly all over Canterlot and Ponyville and shout that you'll be dating an old goat more than twice your age tomorrow before retiring tonight. That way, everypony knows you'll be busy tomorrow. Chao." With a snap of his eagle claw, he vanished. "Wait! WHAT!?" But he was already gone. "DISCORD!!!"

Author's Note: Submission and regular posting wouldn't accept it so I had to post it through the ask box.

[m-jelly]

Even more fun morning.

Dedicated to @ladycheesington after us talking all day on discord about a sequel to a fun morning where Erwin chases us down and punishes us for being a bit naughty.

Pairing: Tattooed!Gangster!Erwin x Reader

Genre and tags: Modern AU, gang leader Erwin, established relationship, romance, tattooed Erwin, fluff, teasing, smut, rough, oral, praise kink, aftercare.

TW: Dom Erwin, rough Erwin, light neck gripping, light manhandling, cum play, spanking.

You launched yourself from the bed and scrambled away from your lover. However, you weren't as fast as your gang leader boyfriend. You squealed in delight as he chased after you, both of you naked to the world. You felt a shiver run through you at seeing his long cock semi-hard at your teasing.

Erwin caught up to you before you could even reach the door out of the bedroom. He wrapped his big hand around your wrist and yanked you against his tall and broad frame. His other hand snaked up the front of your body slowly.

You shivered as his hand wrapped around your neck. "Erwin."

He tilted your head to the side and purred against your ear. "Naughty little kitten."

You moaned at his tone of voice, it meant he was in domination mode. "My handsome lion."

"You must be punished for your teasing and playing. You know that, right?"

You smiled as ideas filled your head. "Yes, Erwin."

He kissed the side of your ear. "Up against the wall, my kitten. Hands flat, okay?"

You shifted to the side and pressed your palms against the wall. "Yes."

He stood behind you before kicking your feet. "Spread them."

You shifted your legs apart. "Yes." You shivered as you felt excited. You purred and wiggled your bum at him. "I'm ready."

Erwin gazed at your plump bum and felt arousal burn through him. He loved how you wiggled it teasingly at him. He adored your behind so much that you often teased him with it. He rubbed your plump soft skin before colliding his palm against it. He smiled at the loud slapping noise mixed with your delicious moans filling the room.

He flicked his gaze up to your face and saw you were in heaven. He looked down at your behind and slapped it again and enjoyed how it jiggled. He chuckled as he rubbed your sore bum making you whimper at him so sweetly.

He sighed before spanking you again. "Good kitten. You purr and meow so sweetly for me." He ran his hand down your bum and softly slapped your pussy making you buck. "Oh, you liked that, huh?"

You whined. "Yes."

He softly patted your pussy and clit with his big hand. "I can feel you soaking my hand. Are you that aroused?"

You nodded as your legs shook a little. "Yes."

He ran his fingers up and down your slick slit. He played with your lips as you mewled at him wanting more attention. He moved his fingers up and down with your clit pressed in between them. He smiled as you rocked your hips against his hand in desperation for more pleasure.

He removed his hand from your clit making you whine so sweetly. He held his hard long cock and pumped his hand up and down slowly. He walked up behind you and slipped his big erection between your thighs. He slapped your pussy lips with his cock over and over.

You panted and whined as your swollen clits and lips wanted more attention than just patting. "Mm, Erwin please."

He chuckled. "Please, what?"

You dragged your nails against the wall and almost sobbed. "Please, stop teasing me."

He wrapped his hand around your neck before pulling you up a bit. "Come on, tell me."

You pressed your bum against Erwin's pelvis. "Erwin, please. I need your cock inside my pussy."

He nipped your earlobe and moaned. "So you can be a good girl."

You pouted. "Of course."

"Keep your hands on the wall for me."

You shivered. "Y-Yes."

Erwin ran his tip up and down your soaking slit. He pressed just a little into your pussy before grabbing your hips and ramming his rock in roughly. He moaned at feeling your hot wet walls wrap around his cock. He gripped your hips in his big hands and began pounding into you.

He looked down at his hips slapping roughly against your bum. He smiled at how each slap sent a giggle vibration through your plump behind. He flicked his gaze to your arched back to see a bead of sweat roll down it perfectly. He released your hips and roughly grasped your breasts in his hands and squeezed.

You dragged your nails down the wall as Erwin's cock pounded your pussy hard. Your legs shook below you as you tried to stand up on your tip toes now and then to meet Erwin's thrusts. You drooled as you moaned in pleasure at being ravaged roughly. Your eyes rolled back into your head as you felt consumed by bliss.

You lowered your head and looked at the floor. You blushed when you saw your arousal dripping on the floor between your legs. Your legs gave up a little causing you to collapse forwards against the wall. The side of your face pressed against it and your hot breath made the wall near your lips become heated.

Erwin grunted as he shuffled closer to you when you fell a little. He released one of your breasts and gripped your neck lightly. He panted a little as you mewled in delight. "You look so good like this. One minute you were teasing me and the next you are putty in my hands."

You glanced at him. "Erwin."

"Good girl." He pressed a little on your neck. "You wanna cum?"

You nodded as you whimpered. "Please."

"I'll make you cum, don't worry." He let your breast go and moved his fingers on your clit. He grunted when you clenched his cock hard. "That's it, let go and enjoy yourself."

You closed your eyes and moaned loudly against the wall. "Oh, f-fuck!"

Erwin grunted. "Ngh, ah, so tight."

You screamed in pleasure as your nerve endings bubbled away inside you. "Erwin!" You felt a rush go through you as your body burned. You smiled as the tingling of bliss consumed you. "Yes."

Erwin stopped his movements and dragged his cock out of you to see your cum making it shine, along with his morning load he poured into you clinging to him. He panted and stumbled back from you and admired your shaking legs, dripping pussy, quivering opening needing his cock, handprints on your bum and a happy smile.

Erwin ruffled his hair. "You look incredible."

You weakly turned around and pressed your upper back against the wall as you panted. "Mm, Erwin?"

He gulped hard as he admired you. "Yes?"

You looked down at his twitching cock. "Can I suck your cock?"

He looked down at himself. "Yeah." He held the base of his cock and moved closer. "Lick it clean."

You dropped to your knees and sat back on your thighs. "Yes!" You opened your mouth. "Mine."

Erwin placed his hand against the wall and lined his cock up with your mouth. He panted as he pushed his dick into your mouth slowly. He moved his hand up and down on his base as he watched you take him. He blushed hard when you looked up at him through your lashes and smiled a little.

He moaned when you sucked on him. He shivered as your tongue moved around his cock and lapped up all his cum and your juices clinging to him. He let his cock go and slammed his hand against the wall. He whimpered as you held his waist and cupped his balls. He shivered when you moved so softly on him.

He grunted when you guided his hips and made him buck against your slowly. He moved his hips as if he was softly making love to you. He moved his dick in and out of your mouth slowly. He gasped when you massaged his weighty balls in your palm. He clenched his fists tightly as he held back his excitement to thrust hard and deep.

He looked down at you as you gazed up at him with your cute eyes. He groaned a little. "You're mouth and pussy are incredible. You're so wonderful." He panted a little. "Damn, this is good." His cock twitched in your mouth. He gritted his teeth and fought urges. He pulled back and stumbled away. "No, I won't cum like that."

You licked your lips. "Where do you want to cum?"

He grabbed your chin and pulled you to your feet. "Deep inside you and right into your womb."

You moaned at his words. "Please."

He pressed you against the wall and purred. He kissed along your jawline and nipped your neck. He sucked hard making you release a delicious moan. He hummed when you tangled your fingers into his hair. He kissed up to your earlobe and tugged a little.

You wrapped your arms around his neck. "Erwin."

He gripped your waist and lifted you up and pressed you against the wall. He pried your legs apart before ramming his cock deep into you. He kissed you just as you were about to scream a moan. He wrapped your legs around him and began humping your dripping pussy.

You gripped at Erwin's back and hair as you moaned into the kiss. Your nails dragged over his back as you tugged his hair in your other hand. Your eyes rolled back into your head as you felt overwhelmed with pleasure. You felt like your pleasure was under Erwin's control, so you just let him ravage you.

Your tongue moved with Erwin's as you both drowned in pleasure. You shivered as you felt your coil tighten hard. Your legs shook in delight as you wiggled a little to stay in his arms. You pulled from Erwin's lips and panted heavily as he ravaged you. You whined a little as you felt the need to cum.

Erwin tapped his forehead against yours. "I love you."

You whimpered. "I love you too."

He grunted a little. "You feel so good. You're so wonderful and perfect."

You rubbed Erwin's cheek affectionately. "You're my everything."

He grinded against you and grunted. "I'm gonna cum."

You mewled. "Please, Erwin, cum inside me."

He panted against your lips. "You need to cum first."

You clenched your toes. "Mm, so close." You clenched his cock hard. "Ah!" You gasped as your coil snapped. "Erwin!"

Erwin grunted as your walls massaged his cock. "Ah, mm, ha, ah." He groaned as his cock twitched and his balls tightened. He bucked into you roughly as he poured his seed into you. "Fuck."

You shivered as you felt his warm cum enter you. "Mm, perfect."

Erwin covered your face in kisses before holding you and carrying you to bed. "You were perfect."

You blushed. "So were you."

He lay you down and lay against you. "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

He smiled as he played with your hair. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

You shook your head. "I'm perfectly fine."

"I'm glad. I was a little rough."

You played with his messy blonde hair. "I asked for it."

He sighed. "I know, but I worry." He pulled back from you and sighed. "You're well and truly stuffed, huh?"

You moaned a little. "Yes, but I feel something."

Erwin watched as his cum leaked out of your pussy. "It's my cum."

You pouted. "Oh, no. I don't want it to leak out."

"Well, I can happily replace it." He ran his fingers up your pussy and collected his cum before pressing his fingers deep into you. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

You mewled as Erwin slowly pumped his fingers into you at a teasing and loving pace. You breathlessly spoke. "Erwin mmm."

Erwin leaned over you and kissed you. "How about we finish the morning with sweet love making?"

You wrapped your arms around Erwin's neck. "Yes. I'd love to."

Erwin kissed and nipped your neck, each kiss long and loving against your skin. "You're so wonderful. You're my world, my everything, my soulmate." His hot breath danced you your skin as he sighed. "You're mine."

[ome-magical-ramblings]

Chakras and Psychic Centers in the Western Magical Traditions.

This post was inspired by @ditchdwellersupreme in a discord server that made me think deeply and sent me down a rabbit hole about how valid is the approach in this sense. https://hareesh.org/blog/2016/2/5/the-real-story-on-the-chakras Christopher Wallis, a Sanskrit scholar and practitioner goes in depth about them but the points he talks about in that specific blog is that:

There's not just one chakra system in the original tradition, there are many.

The chakra systems are prescriptive, not descriptive.

The psychological states associated with the chakras are completely modern and Western.

The seven-chakra system popular today derives not from an ancient scripture, but from a treatise written in 1577.

The main purpose of a chakra system is to function as a template for nyāsa — installation of mantras and deities.

The seed-mantras that you think go with the chakras actually go with the elements that happen to be installed in those chakras.

I am not here to argue on the validity of the practice of 7 chakras but on the practicalities of the practice itself, how it affect western practices and methodology and if they do have a place in western magical traditions?

hmm...if you imagine that the chakras are prescriptive and that they install mantras and deities into our bodies...then what about Phylacteries and talismans. What about physical body and letters in regard to that? Chaim Vital wrote: 'Know that in each and every organ of a person's body, there are letters engraved, informing us about that individual's actions. But the primary place is the forehead, as indicated earlier.' Some people might think of Jewish practices as not Western in nature and that's valid, but the Testament of Solomon also shed light on this when it associate a body part to a demon/angel combo. a fragment of Celsus from Origen says:

… the Egyptians say that the body of man has been put under the charge of thirty six daimons, or ethereal gods of some sort, who divide it between them, that being the number of parts into which it is divided (although some say far more). Each daimon is in charge of a different part. you can find a decan master list here , the sacred book of ascelpius talks about it from an astrological point of view: Aries is the head of the world, Taurus the neck, Gemini shoulders, Cancer breast, Lion the back, shoulder blades, heart and ribs, the Virgin the belly, Libra buttocks, Scorpio the pubis, Sagittarius the thighs, Capricorn the knees, Aquarius the legs and Pisces the feet. All of these could be seen as a way of diagnosing and medical magic, but also they have their own significance in this practice. I don't say to mish-mash the systems together but maybe there's more to it than what we think is not. Arab magicians write talisman for dream and tie it to their right upper arm, why the right upper arm and not the left? phylactery like the one used in the headless one is tied on the forehead...is there something more to it? I am not saying take all the chakras willy nilly, just that there's something to it. Heart, Stomach/lower belly, and top of the head.

Clearly I am taking the side of "yeah bro use dem chakranaynays" and honestly, my own practice didn't take off until I used a specific practice that dealt with dream incubation through visualizing the planetary symbols on the medulla oblongata following the Chaldean order with each symbol lasting a week. Does that mean I encourage reckless experimenting with them? of course not, they hurt and you would hurt yourself if you push yourself too hard with them. You use them as a part of a whole system, maybe you just use pillar and spheres to energize yourself or visualize the nadi/channel during nine bottle pranayama. The usual recommendation is to follow eastern procedure and it might feel weird for some people, it's honestly better to take a step back and see your own practice. The spirits would work with/without it, but your body is still gonna respond to spirits on some physiological level. Pragmatically speaking some spirits might even be more willing and might perform Nyasa for you. If you think about it, invocation and god-forms melt togethers and the product of these come closer to something resembling a similar practice. I am not saying to dilute/innovate on your first try! that's one thing I want to emphasize. I am just saying that incorporating some simple practices can allow more avenue for the spirit to contact you. Of course I am not saying..oh install demons on your head or do something reckless like that lol. To cap it off, Think of a deity you have a connection to, ask them which part of the body they relate to and ask them to inhabit that part, see what comes out of it. What if their image was on top of your head, in your heart, or in your belly, how would feel? Again this is all to be done with the deity approval or if they see the practice fit for you. "The wrong person even with the right knowledge will come to no good end. But the right person even with the wrong (or incomplete) knowledge will make it work." Sources: JSK's Testament of St Cyprian Jacobus G. Swart's Self Creation Blog. Lastly a meme that I thought was funny about this.

[sable-skies]

QUICK -while that Anon is incapacitated from being hit with TWO Voltron mentions- TALK EVEN MORE ABOUT VOLTRON!

Your biggest issues with the show! Wasted potential! And of course the biggest piece of Drama; SHIPS?!?!??

We will never get proper closure. We all share Voltron trauma ✌️😔

the people yearn for a five hour video essay talking about why voltron sucks. (I've literally wanted to make one for Years about it but alas, life happens)

i cant do that yet because of my schedule, but I will give you a snippet on some of my thoughts

Forgive me, for I am about to yap like I'm a fucking professor in the subject, got my master's years ago and all it did was give me fandom trauma (/lh, but there's a reason why I don't join fandom discords anymore or anything like that!) so strap in my brother (gender neutral)

I WILL ADDRESS THIS FIRST: Ships. I actually never shipped anything in VLD! No offense to Klance, but I never really got the appeal? And obviously there's that Other Super Popular one that I'm not gonna name because it's fans are gonna kill me, but I didn't like that one either.

For Klance; I think I never got it because I just. never considered them love interests? Like I would see people losing their minds over it and my (at the time, unknown) aroace ass would just slow blink at them like "yeah man i guess. what?". Could it have been good? Maybe, but it was never the horse I backed personally. I will say, some of the content that came from that ship was absolutely phenomenal though, never doubt what yaoi-obsessed teenagers can do.

I won't say much more on the fandom tbh, but trust me I saw some shit. This blog wasn't around back then but I witnessed some things. Remember the socks? I do.

Moving onto the actual show itself, I actually rewatched at least the first season (and half of the second) because a few friends and I were talking about it again and I wanted to try and get some notes for that video essay I'm totally going to do, and I realized that from the get-go the show was absolutely fucked worldbuilding wise.

I'm a big worldbuilding nerd, I never share my various insane projects but I literally make a new google document every week with ideas for various stories I would love to tell. Worldbuilding is such an essential part to telling a good story and having a believable world, and upon rewatching at least season 1, there's some loose foundation set but then completely butchered by season 3.

I will be honest, people always say that season 4 was the worst, and I will agree it did suck, but in my opinion season 3 was the worst for me. I absolutely hated that they started to switch lions, which I understand is a reference to the original 80s show, but it completely disregarded one of the lines in the FIRST EPISODE about how a bond between a lion and it's pilot is scared, cannot be forced, and is a rare thing. only for that to get thrown out the window. AUGH.

I'm a firm black paladin allura believer personally, I think that would have been so much fun seeing her step into the leadership role she pretty much had from the start alongside Shiro! (Never shipped them for anyone worried, they're just really good friends)

Speaking of friends; I don't think the show really established the team's overall bond well enough. Looking back, there's nothing in the show that promises found family friendships and all that, but the showrunners said that would be the case, and I think they were the biggest reason the show failed. (more on that later)

Sin Squad once said in one of their videos that everyone on the team felt more like co-workers and honestly? I still agree on that sentiment. I can believe that Pidge and Hunk are friends, I can believe that Keith and Shiro have a familial bond, I can believe that Hunk and Lance are friends. But Keith and Pidge? Hunk and Shiro? Hunk and Allura? There are so many potential really good friendships that are completely ignored in favor of other established bonds, and I think it makes the whole "we gotta work as a team!" message a lot weaker because of it. They're all co-workers at best, "strangers forced to be friends under the worst circumstances" at worst (shout out to keith for that line, he was actually spitting)

Additionally, and this is just because I'm still a big Keith head at heart (when I was 15 I wanted to go by that name because I was so attached to him. its funny looking back), I really dislike how they treated his character? In season 1 he didn't get much development, but we got the hints of him being half-galra, and I loved that! Season 2 really built on him and S2 E8 "Blades of Mamora" is still my favorite episode. I love that one with my whole fucking heart. Oh my god.

But then season 3 hit, forced him into a leader positions I don't think he ever grew into, and then his. mom. came back. Don't get me wrong, I love Krolia (big fan of women), but all of Keith's angst being cured by spending a few space whale years with his mom continues to completely disregard the bonds he made with his team. And Keith isn't the only one who suffers from this, everyone does.

I understand family is an important bond (despite the fact that I keep many of my personal family members at arms length, for reasons) but every character only got a "complete" arc or ending when they were reunited with their blood family, not the "found family" that the showrunners promised. Pidge's only arc was finding her family, sure there was the stuff about nature and coding being similar but that was for a single episode. Hunk only got development again post season 1 when it was about his family being enslaved. Lance only ever wanted to see his family again, and then he never got an arc past that except for his dead space girlfriend. Shiro never even got an explanation for his family past his totally-boyfriend Adam.

SPEAKING OF ADAM

I will say that I disagree with the fandom's opinion that the entire show queerbaited with Klance. I think you had to have Klance-sized glasses on to see that. The show truly did queerbait with Adam though, with promoting and hyping him up for season 7, only for him to barely get a minute of screen time. Actually such a waste of time, and such a waste of an interesting character. Voltron writers and showrunners when i GET YOU.

A final note I'll make because I'll never stop writing otherwise: there was some discussion about whether or not the show's failure was the writers, showrunners, or executives fault. I personally think it was the showrunners who were at fault here. She-Ra came out the same year VLD ended, and it soared in terms of worldbuilding, storytelling, and queer representation.

For She-Ra to come out around 2018, I imagine these shows started development around the same time (Did you ever realize VLD only had a 2 year run time? 75 episodes in 2 years? I did and it made me upset.) They were probably working with same executives, under the same people, same deadlines, etc. She-Ra succeeded (i think), and VLD fell apart and crashed at the end. Hell, in the final year it was airing they were STILL in the storyboard process. I think the showrunner's either majorly mishandled the production of this show, or they were given shit terms and didn't do anything to make something of it. Either way, Lauren Montgomery and Joaqium Dos Santos I will remember your names forever because of it

(On a serious note, I don't actually dislike or hate them. I'm just disappointed in what happened is all)

Anyways that barely like. scratches the surface of many more issues I have with the show, but those are some of the major problems I saw in it!

And for some more positive notes: I love the ost of the episode where Allura's AI-father dies, it still sticks with me even now. (i ugly sobbed at that episode I'm sensitive to parental death), and Keith is still my beloved meow meow, I love him so much I miss him. Steven Yuen the GOAT. I also loved the concept of these bio-mechanical lions, they could've gone a bit more cosmic horror eldritch with them, but it's still good regardless.

shoutout btw to my friends who sat in call with me as I typed this like a madman.

[wall-legion]

Endless Forms Most Beautiful

Author’s Note: so I was talking on Discord with some folks about an idea with one of my characters for a story idea based on the film A Monster in Paris/Un Monstre a Paris. So if you’re familiar with that, you’ll probably figure out some of the story beats. Onward!

It all started because she was in need of more fragrance for a new batch of soap. It had been a few months since Odetta had started her little soap shop in Lion’s Arch, and it had been surprisingly popular- at least, to her. She had fully expected to sell every so often to Rissia and Vezz, and maybe to someone who wandered in by accident. But somehow people had found her and she had a small, but steady customer base. She was pleasantly surprised, as well as a little startled, every day. But today she was out of the rose oil she used for one of her soaps, so she pinned a note to the door saying she would be opening later than usual due to needing to run an errand, locked the door, and turned towards the Lion’s Arch marketplace while lifting the hood of her cloak over her carefully braided hair. The sky was completely obscured with heavy and dark grey clouds that threatened the idea of rain at any moment, and the last thing she wanted was to be cold and wet because her hair was soaked. In spite of the weather, the markets were as busy as they normally were at this time of day: the fishing boats had just returned to the docks from their first trips of the day and unloaded their catches at the fishmongers, so the air smelled briny from the fresh seaweed that the fish were being unpacked from. That, however, did not hold her attention for long. At the other end of the stalls, there was what appeared to be a norn moving jerkily between stalls. The way that they were moving looked as though they were about to have some sort of medical emergency, so Odetta hurried over to see if she could assist them in any sort of way since it looked as though everyone else was either ignoring or avoiding them. The closer she drew, the more she realized that something was not quite right. For starters, this person was wearing far too many clothes for this time of year: from what she could see they had a scarf wrapped around their face, multiple shirts on under a long jacket, and long pants that hung away from their legs. She wondered what they were trying to hide. Were they stealing goods from the market sellers? She kept trailing them, her errand forgotten, finally following them into an alley where they turned around and stopped to look squarely at her. “Why are you following me?” they hissed, still moving jerkily as they spoke. “I...” She thought about fibbing for a moment, and then decided against it. “You looked like you were in trouble. From the way you were moving, I mean. You’re- you seem like you’re having some difficulties. I know some people who know healing magic, if you want me to take you to them they could look at you-” “NO!” She took a step back at being shouted at- and surprisingly, they took a step back as well. “No. No one sees us- me. Me. No one looks at me.” What is going on with you? Who talks about themself that way, like they don’t know who they even are? Odetta wondered internally, steeling herself as she ventured in closer again. “Well... maybe you would at least like to come back to my shop to sit for a while?” She paused to smile before continuing. “After all, it does look like it might rain soon.” The person looked down at the ground for a long moment. “...that... would be good, I think. We- I can do that.” “Very well. Wait here a moment, I need to pick up something first and then I’ll take you there.” “...this isn’t a trick?” Odetta alternately felt her heart break for this person and a little prickle of rage light up at whoever had played such an awful, horrible prank on them in their past. “Not at all.” She unhooked her cloak and pressed it into their hands. “Here. So you know I’ll come back. Okay?” They looked down at the cloak in their hands, then slowly their gaze lifted back up to meet hers. They were garnet red, with no sclera to speak of, only a perfectly black pupil interrupting the sea of red in each eye. “Okay,” they whispered. “Good. See you in a moment.” Odetta hurried out of the alleyway, trying to ignore her racing heart. Whatever was in that alleyway wasn’t human or the norn that she’d first assumed them to be, that much was certain. She’d heard rumors of vampires recently, but those had to be silly stories. She made her way back to the stalls and to the person she bought her fragrances from, only to find out that they were closed for the day because their child was sick and they were needed at home. She asked the woman who ran the stall next to them if they would send a bird to her the next time they were able to open up, so she would know when to come back down for the oil she needed, and started back for the alley. It had just started to rain as she got back, and she was grateful to be handed her cloak back so she could put it back on as the rain began falling harder. Thankfully this made the walk back to her shop uneventful for them, as no one wanted to be out in the downburst, so they could hurry along the streets of Lion’s Arch uninterrupted. She unlocked the door to her shop and let the stranger in, taking down her now sodden note before letting herself inside and locking the door again. She took her cloak off and hung it up so it could dry out, before turning to look at this person taking in her shop. “It smells nice in here,” they said after a moment. “Thank you,” Odetta replied. “Don’t... would you like to take off your wet things?” Their hands twitched visibly at that. “I... you have been so kind. We- I don’t want to scare you.” “You won’t scare me,” she said, hoping that she wasn’t preemptively lying. “I only want to help.” They sighed at that, reaching up to start unwinding the scarf. “...we may need help because we forced our way into many of these clothes to try and hide among normal people. We haven’t taken them off in a very long time.” “Of course.” Odetta took a deep breath and began helping. It took a while to get them out of everything- they had been hiding their body under layers of clothing for some time, it seemed from just the different styles that she helped pull from their upper body- but finally they were in just their pants. They were a Mordrem. At least, they appeared to be one, but not like one she’d seen in the art that had been sent back from the front when the Pact had gone to take on the jungle dragon. They had the thickened bark that seemed less like skin and more like armor, as well as the horn-like growths at their joints, that she had seen in the depictions of the other corrupted sylvari- but how they differed from the other corrupted sylvari was their extreme height that had made her mistake them at first for a norn, their face was not as severely changed as others had, and perhaps most notably, the extra pair of arms that grew from their shoulders and now hung behind their back. “So that’s why you were hiding your body,” she murmured aloud as she sat back down, trying to not let how overwhelmed she felt show through. “Yes. We are monstrous, even to those who were turned by him.” “I- I’m so sorry. You were saying ‘I’, but now it’s ‘we’? Which do you prefer?” She paused. “And I haven’t even asked your name, I’m such a rude-” “We- I- I lost my name. To him. It’s a very long story. And the ‘I’ and ‘we” thing comes up in that.” She gestured to the other stool behind the counter, next to her. “I think you’ll find I’m very patient.” They ventured a small smile, before moving to sit down. “We- I. I will try to focus and not trip up while I tell this,” they said, before beginning the tale. “I have no memory of who I was before I was blighted the first time. All I know is I was dragged from the pod and his voice was in my mind, calling me to him- Mordremoth. I immediately went, knowing the way like you knew the paths here. He was beautiful to me, overwhelming. Perhaps it is what it would feel like for you to meet one of your gods. He said I had such potential because I could hear him so clearly. He said he wanted to try to do more with me because I was so open to him, and I agreed on the spot. “There was another blighting tree, very close to him. Because of that, it was a place of very strong magic, and magic that was at his whims. Mordremoth wanted to be able to blight us and make us look... well, more draconic. More like him and less like sylvari. I was sealed into the second blighting for... I don’t know how long. All I know is I felt our minds becoming more and more joined together. I don’t know if that was his goal. All I know is when I left the second blighting pod, my thoughts were always joined to his... and the other Mordrem were afraid of what I had become. I stayed by his side, serving his whims and making sure no one came too close to that particular blighting tree as he sought out other worthy Mordrem to put through the second blighting as I had gone through and make into an honor guard, of sorts.” Odetta realized she had been holding her breath, and softly exhaled. “Then what?” “Soon after that, the commander killed him. With his passing my mind dissolved completely into shambles. I... I do not know what I did for quite some time. I found myself near Rata Sum, but they were afraid of me, so I fled. I wandered near the Shiverpeaks, but the cold hurt me so deeply that I left as soon as I could. I heard someone on the road say ‘everyone who doesn’t have a home comes home to Lion’s Arch’, so... I came here.” They shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant as they continued. “I do not know if this is home. I do not know if I will ever have a home again. Perhaps I am too changed to know a home in this world anymore.” “Don’t say that,” Odetta blurted. “You’re still alive, I mean. As long as you’re alive, there’s hope, right?” “I cannot say.” They looked towards the window next to the door, watching the rain outside. It had picked up since they had come into the shop and was now pouring out. Odetta studied their expression as they watched the rain come down: they looked so sad and lost, in spite of how physically intimidating they appeared at first glance. “Can I suggest something?” They looked back at her, but they didn’t say anything, so she soldiered on. “You don’t remember anything from before the first blighting, and that includes your name... maybe it would help you feel like you had a future here in a world after Mordremoth if you chose a new name for yourself.” They were quiet for a long moment, looking thoughtfully at her. “That is... not a bad idea. We- I think it might help.” “Does anything feel like a good name?” They looked back outside again, frowning a little. “...Sheridan.” They didn’t look back at her as they spoke, and their voice shook slightly as they continued. “It echoes in my heart everyday. I do not know who he or she may be, though. It might even be a memory from him that was left behind after his death.” She reached over to pat his hand. “Sheridan can be your name if it feels right,” she said softly. “And if you find something else that feels better, then you can change it to that instead.” They sighed raggedly, looking at her. “We... like that. I like that.” “Then you’re Sheridan. And if you want to stay with me, that’s fine. I have space enough for someone else to live with me, after all.” They looked startled at that, so surprisingly so that Odetta almost started giggling at how earnest they were. “Are... you sure?” “Of course I’m sure! Why would I offer if I wasn’t sure?” They looked down at the floor for a moment, before sitting up and looking at Odetta. “Yes. Of course. We- I would like that. Let’s do it.” “Good. Then it’s settled. Let’s get all these clothes picked up and pick out one shirt for you to...” She trailed off, looking up at the extra arms on his shoulders that were currently stretching as he was standing up. “Let’s pick out a shirt for me to try and fix for you, so you have sleeves for all your arms.” He crouched down, sorting through the garments for one of the shirts that was in better shape, and reached up to hand it to her. “Here. And thank you.” “You’re welcome. Now here, let’s get the spare room set up for you.” *** Dear Vezz and Rissia, Hi everyone, since I know you’ll read this to the twins! I know I haven’t been out to visit, and I haven’t written in a while, so I figured I should take a few minutes to explain what’s been keeping me so busy. I sort of adopted a Mordrem I made a new friend who was a Mordrem but is recovering now. Their name is Sheridan, and since I had that empty room in the house I’ve been renting for the soap shop I had them move in with me as a roommate. They’ve even been helping out in the soap shop since they settled in! It’s really nice to have someone else around so I can actually take breaks, and they’re a fast learner. Plus they have extra extra hands so They’ve already figured out the basic soap recipe, so they’re the one working in the back to make more soap while I work up front with customers. They’re still a little shy, though, so I don’t think they’ll be ready for me to have you visit just yet. I’ll probably talk to them about me taking a day to come out and see you in Applenook, and if they’re comfortable with the idea of running the front yet or if they’d like me to close the shop yet. (That was a terrible run-on sentence: if Rissia is reading this, I’m sorry that you had to power through that.) I’ll let you know as soon as we decided what the plan is! Miss you lots, Odetta

[renaerys]

Lubricating the Channels of Diplomacy (SuiIno)

Written for the June 2023 Flash Fic event happening over in the Ino Supremacy Discord server.

Prompt: “I’m gonna be your first and your last.” SuiIno

Summary: “What makes you think I’m interested in cocks?” she says.

“Well, you’re not running, for one.” He categorizes her body in the same manner she did him. “And you can’t stop glancing at my sword.”

Okay, you damp fucker.

Or, Ino attends the Hokage's delegation to Kirigakure to negotiate a peace treaty. It's boring, until it's not.

Rating: T (for now)

Read it on AO3 here

Full fic under the cut

Itachi is an excellent Hokage, but his social skills leave much to be desired. Terumi Mei, on the other hand, is not only a politically savvy Mizukage, but charming after a lion fish-fashion: slow-moving, exquisite, and highly venomous to the touch. She is an invasive presence, distracting in every way, and Itachi does not trust her despite her official offer for an alliance with Konoha. 

It is thus that Ino finds herself accompanying the Hokage’s entourage on this visit. Shisui is a pestiferous jackass even on his best days, which days are when Ino doesn’t see him, but there is no denying his natural charisma. Unfortunately, they pair well as they work a room full of Kiri Elders and advisors and military commanders so that Itachi doesn’t have to. Shisui likes to talk, and Ino likes to be the center of conversation. 

Shisui approaches the Elders because something about him has always endeared the old and infirm to him. Ino immediately notices the Hunters’ commander, Ao, circling Shisui like a remora circles a shark, gauging how best to latch on without getting torn apart. She pings Shisui in between laughing at something some dusty advisor has said to her.

“The Byakugan Killer has had your name all over his hard-on for the past twenty minutes.”

Shisui doesn’t react, not even at the shuddering echo of her voice in his head from across the room. But he does step away from his current conversation with the speed and grace of his namesake and is suddenly greeting Ao very loudly, as if they are old pals who never tried to kill each other on the battlefield. 

Shithead, Ino thinks. But his act draws out the Kiri ANBU hiding among the guests. Ino picks them out and plots a path among them to listen in for anything that could smell like a set up. 

“I’m gonna be your first and your last.”

An average-sized man with a supernaturally above-average sword has cornered her. The first thing Ino notices are his eyes—an exquisite shade of violet that is not common on the mainland. The second thing she notices are his teeth. Their filed sharpness mark him as one of the Seven Legendary Swordsmen. 

“Excuse me?” she says, not trusting that shark’s grin on him for a second. 

He leans against the bar they are propped against, casually into her personal space. “Kiri cock,” he clarifies. 

Surely, Ino thinks, this is not what Itachi had in mind when he ordered Shisui and her to facilitate collaborative dialogue with their Kiri counterparts.

It is so crass that she doesn’t even laugh. His boldness, and his timing, suggest he has rehearsed this. Which suggests that he’s been watching her float amongst his coworkers for a while, lying in wait. A rockfish blending into the coral, jaws agape. 

“What makes you think I’m interested in cocks?” she says. 

It throws him, as she suspected it might. Such a big sword wants to be seen and admired, and it knows little else. But he recovers quickly enough. He even flags down the bartender for a different varietal of sake than what Ino was drinking before and offers her the fresh cup. 

“Well, you’re not running, for one.” He categorizes her body in the same manner she did him. “And you can’t stop glancing at my sword.”

Okay, you damp fucker. 

Ino takes the cup he’s offering and drinks. Unfortunately, the kasumizake he’s ordered is incredible, far better than the familiar wine she’d selected for herself. She suspects it’s a local varietal. His smug grin as he drinks from his own cup confirms his victory here, but the drink is too good to hold it against him. She’s magnanimous when warranted.

“It’s a very big sword,” Ino says. “Compensatory, even.”

“Eye of the beholder. And yeah, that’s an open invitation.”

“To what? Lubricate the channels of diplomacy?”

He chokes on his sake. Ino is mollified. 

She also senses her Hokage moving. He will be wanting her report, and Ino is eager to give it so that Shisui doesn’t get to him first. They will be fucking against a wall for the next hour and she will be forced to wait until they are done if he does, and she doesn’t have that kind of time when there are world-famous hot springs to sample while she’s here. Perk of the job. 

“Excuse me,” she says, fully intending to leave her suitor behind. 

His hand on her wrist stops her, but he doesn’t pull. “Wait. I’m Hozuki Suigetsu.” There are blue veins in his eyes, faint and royal. She can smell the floral kasumizake on his breath. “If I’m gonna be your local tour guide, I figure you should know my name.”

“Yamanaka Ino,” Ino says, because he will learn her name regardless, and she isn’t one for playing games just for the sake of it. She likes to win, but only when the stakes are real. “And you’re fired.”

She leaves him then to his blue balls and his delicious sake, and she feels him watch her walk away. This is always her favorite part.

The hunt.

[randomgentlefolk]

CPC CHAPTER 152

Guess who's been playing Our Life: BA and lost every awareness toward time

I will never, ever get over Lorena's defense system. It's SO FRICKING GOOD LIKE..Eggs and bacon? Shuriken? THAT BIG CHOPPING THING? I LOVE THEM.

Also seeing the cpc and Gwen's siblings as fairytale characters are really cool! Also, Thermidora just straight up changing role from Tweedledee/Tweedledum into The Little Mermaid is so accurate regarding how dreams often suddenly change rapidly lmao xd

There are still some people we haven't seen as fairytale characters though. Such as Jack, Leelathae, Leopold, and the Plaid family. I think Leopold would have a role because of his speech to Gwen in chapter 64. Also Leelathae. Is there a chance that she might appear as the grandma of Red Riding Hood in a way to show Gwen's repressed memory? Would it come in a way of Leelathae apologizing to Gwen?

Here's a little angst: Gwen's repressed memory of Leelathae will come to her in the way of Leelathae apologizing to her over over. Apologizing because she had brought her to a cruel world. Feeling deep guilt because she knows what Gwen will go through. Now that I think about it, the immense guilt might be the reason why Leelathae become sick and.. well. But that would be too angsty, wouldn't it? Still might be possible, though...

MOVING ON HAHA I GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY THERE.

But imagine if the grandma turns out to be Jack XD since how his old portrait was reacted to by the cpc.

Wait hang on I just realized here. What is Laverne supposed to be? Is-is she the grandma? That would make the "idk where my grandma is" comment by Abbi strange though..

Oh? Red eyes.. Either this is Blaine, referencing to the bonus short featuring him as Red Riding Hood, or it could be Leland, which is like, a little different from a serpent but still a "predator" regardless. Hm, this got me thinking about the similarities between Wolves and Snakes. Which is their cunning nature that fits Leland a lot. But wolves also resemble family which is, uh, not Leland at all! Haha.

So maybe this is Blaine? Like I said, it would reference to him being the Red Riding Hood. Ironically, he becomes the wolf. But! That can also reference to how not only is Leland the one breaking him, he himself is also breaking himself. Because he wouldn't redeem himself, plus Leland "undirectly(?)" Supporting that idea. Geez, Blaine. Yea, I still have a glimmer of hope and I can't help it. I analyze him like a math equation. Someone who I can't understand completely since I'm never in his spot, but someone I can try to learn and figure out? Not in the way of "I can fix him" but in the way of "What is going on with him? What is he thinking? What's blocking his way?"

Orrr since Abbi is the Red Riding Hood, maybe that wolf is Abbi's parent XD although Gwen never meet them so it would be quite impossible.

Moving on, this was talked about in discord and Maria's music note doesn't exactly make sense xd

Is there any Music Expert who can explain this, if you don't mind? XD

BLAINE. BLAINE DON'T.

Tsk tsk. Dissapointed noises from me.

GWEN! She's learning slowly. I'm so proud of her :')

STAN COLONEL SNUGGLES!!!

Maria. Dearest Maria. Would the polite, respectful guard, Lieutenant Beckett Dandridge, throw a fucking rock that smashed your window and might harm you had it been thrown the wrong way?

I'm sorry it's just.

Tsk tsk. Disappointed noises from me.

Good thing though, they finally knows what's happening! And with the help of CPC, I'm sure they'll come through, somehow.. I mean, at least they have some special skills haha. I wonder if Maria can call a lion? Or if Lorena can make venomous/carnivorous plants? I'm excited :D

I must say from the deepest of my heart, goddamnit Blaine holy shit dude wtf. You're still one of my fav character tho so dw. I'm not mad, just disappointed. Really disappointed. I have hope that he will get character development! But the way he is getting more and more like Leland is..concerning to say the least.

That's all for now, I can't wait for the next chapter which will come in.. around 4 hours..haha.. (you should definitely play Our Life: Beginning & Always it's so wholesome. Also I'm in the progress of new cpc art. I have the idea and all, I'm just struggling with drawing the anatomy/pose. Hopefully I will get through that)

Mono out! (But still in to hear your thoughts. Probably. It's 4 AM)

[the-teddy-bear-butch]

Stupid fanfic asks part 3/3 @candle-lion “all divisible by 3”

69: how do you write emotional scenes? do you ever feel what the characters feel?

First of all, nice. Second of all, music music music. I have to have some emotional music to write to. I would say I occasionally feel what the characters feel, especially when I relate to whatever thing is going through their head

72: what do you do if a scene gets too serious?

Not sure what this means necessarily. I think I’m pretty good at keeping my serious scenes the right amount of serious and my not serious scenes not serious. I guess if it happened, try to add some witty line to lighten the mood? But usually if I want it serious, I want it serious, ya know?

75: do you know how your story ends before you start writing?

About half of the time. Run away was started spontaneously with no end in mind. Same with so are you with me? But a lot of the others were planned. Sometimes I change my mind halfway through too. I call it the ADHD way of writing

78: how do you choose where to end a chapter?

If the word count is long enough to feel satisfying and I feel I have closed the scene at a satisfying point, I’ll end it. Sometimes I’ll end on a cliffhanger for the fun of it or dramatic effect

81: if you could go back in time and give your younger self a piece of writing advice specific to you, what would it be?

Don’t burn yourself out. It’s okay to take your time. Your work will end up better anyway! I used to be so bad about publishing whatever I had written IMMEDIATELY for that dopamine rush of validation (both in my Wattpad middle schooler days and beginning run away). Editing and sitting on my writing a bit before posting has helped its quality and my confidence. Plus writing burnout sucks ass. I love to write, and burning myself out is a quick way to change that

84: said: overused or underused?

Depends on the writer. I think I underuse it in an effort not to overuse it lmfao

87: does your writing style change depending on the genre you write?

I think it does, but not necessarily consciously. I tend to lean into different imagery and metaphors depending on the thing I’m writing. I think it’s most noticeable in like,,, the difference between there in the garden with some of the darker, gothic imagery, vs so are you with me? with lighter stuff, sunlight, etc etc. I emphasize different things too

90: do you notice your own voice in your writing style?

Oh one of my biggest fears is not having a unique writing voice. I don’t think mine is strong by any means, but I think it’s there

93: do you hear other people’s writing styles when they talk?

Only with my irl best friend. I think the more you know someone, the easier it is to pick up on those consistencies between writing voice and speaking voice, but I don’t talk to most writers I know enough to hear it, and I don’t think our Discord/Tumblr convos are super reflective of our writing

96: romantic/social sideplots: interesting or irritating?

Depends. Fuck off with your love triangles (unless they’re true triangles). I love a good messy romantic or other social side plot

99: was being a writer a dream of yours when you were little? or did it spring up when your older? or is it just a hobby? 

It was!! I’ve always loved reading and it translated to loving writing too. I don’t think I could make a career of it, I don’t think I’m famous author material between my skill level and the fact that having to have books out would become a chore. But! I would love to have published books still. I think it’d be fun to be a PhD’d microbiology researcher who also happens to have a few silly queer novels published on the side

[the-navistar-carol]

I am now here for the shit-talking about working with someone else on a fanfic.

I need distractions anyways (although I teach in 20min, it will give you time)

Alrighty. Buckle up. LONG POST AHEAD.

I mean that. This post is long as fuck. It spans YEARS.

I first met this person — let’s call her Cass — on Discord, in one of the Maribat Discord servers. I hit it off rather well with her, but where our friendship really grew was in an offshoot server, of a Miraculous RP server under the premise is “everything is the same except no canon characters exist” — full sandbox! Free reign for all characters. It was great.

I won’t toot my own horn about my own characters, I do that too much on main already. (Someone ask me about them. Please.) But, to summarize the main two characters I’ll be talking about, I’ll explain Valérie Levi and Aidan Fierro.

Valérie Levi started out as the typical anxious bookworm who likes handcrafts. Upon first glance, she seemed to be the side character, especially in comparison with her best friend, Jamie Lee (again, ask me). But when she discovered the Sea Lion Miraculous (OC) and, at the same time, found out that the rest of the War Box (OC) was being kept by this RP’s version of Hawkmoth, she had no real choice but to don the Miraculous and fight akumas. The Sea Lion’s items were a pair of tonfa, so it forced her to make plans as well as be on her own front lines. Her planning skills (as well as me being one of the main constant RPers) eventually got her to the position of Team Leader, which she had a lot of impostor syndrome about.

(I wrote an essay about this, unprompted. I love Valérie.)

SIDE TANGENT: the War Box was engineered so that each kwami would be used for some purpose of combat, which is why the Sea Lion gave Valérie tonfa instead of a toy. The Lion, Sea Lion, and the Praying Mantis were front-line fighters; the Snow Leopard was a scout; the Cobra was a spy; the Dove could orchestrate a safe and neutral ground; and the Basilisk, made to counter the canon box’s Dragon, was their general and last-ditch effort of scorched-earth fighting.

Aidan Fierro was supposed to be a one-off character. He was akumatized for taking competition too seriously, and then when I got attached, he joined my merry crew of OCs. He was a jiu-jitsu competitor, which gave him common ground with Jamie Lee, and had his own cast of friends: Nagihiko Fujisaki, Colin Strami, Victor Guzman, and Tina Zaipe. He had his own issues, such as daddy issues (being the child of a single mom whose father left) and abandonment issues.

Cass’ main characters, Peter and Salia Reyes, were twins. Peter became the holder of the Tiger Miraculous, and Salia became the holder of the Raven Miraculous (OC). I won’t get too much into their characters, but Aidan and Salia started dating and there was an effort to get Valérie and Peter on the same page.

Remember how I said Valérie had a personal connection to the RP’s Hawkmoth (Yanluo) because he had the rest of her kwami’s Miracle Box? Her kwami only became hers because she escaped.

Peter and Salia’s mother, this rich Arabic woman, came into possession of the Spirit Box (OC).

SIDE TANGENT: my Lion Miraculous was originally the Bear Miraculous, which is why there’s that weird repetition. Cass’ Spirit Box, made after my War Box, was based off of Native American iconography, and it had the Bear, the Raven, the Beaver, the Deer, the Falcon, and the Owl. I changed my Bear to be a Lion so there wouldn’t be any conflict between our Boxes. She did not warn me about this.

Peter and Salia ventured alone on their own personal mission to get this Box back from their evil mother, and wound up getting their souls zapped for a bit before they died, came back, and then took the box and ran. Basically. I’m not even sure about what happened. After that, Peter and Salia obviously needed help. Treatment. From a therapist. Anyone.

Valérie and Aidan, who both had their own troubles and plotlines — one of them facing anxiety over being the team lead and having a personal connection to the server VILLAIN (the latter being a server-wide plan, she was not facing this guy alone) and the other not understanding why Salia left for like two weeks — became the shoulders for Peter and Salia to lean on.

She created this character, Melanie, because she liked my characterization of Colin (think gentle giant, basically), and wanted the “traumatized x therapist” ship. That’s beside the point of Valérie and Aidan, but still in the same vein.

(The server died before I could give all my characters the resolutions they needed. I keep them in my mental memory crate and unfurl the wires every so often.)

At the same time, Cass and I were writing fanfiction together. That is where every fic on my Ao3 with an orphaned account next to it comes from. I co-wrote then with her. DC. Star Wars. BNHA — though that one was never posted. The same thing was happening: her characters held the narrative weight and mine were supports.

Ria Myles was my character in the Tim Drake fic. I had so much more planned for her than being the supporting character! She was going to get electric powers, she was going to be the vigilante known as Switchboard, she was going to have her own arcs! Her own romance!

In our BNHA fic, my character, Imai Ketsuko, was going to have a friends-to-lovers arc with Sero Hanta, because he was one of my favorites at the time. Ketsuko had self-worth issues because of how her Quirk affected her body (ask me) and how her hands became so damaged in their nerves, to the point where she could not feel her hands. It was going to be this great plotline of overcoming her own mental issues and becoming a better person!

But Cass’ character (one who also had body issues stemming from her Quirk, mind you) got the rivals-to-lovers arc with Bakugo. Ketsuko’s older brother, Imai Katsuo, was this pro hero at another (OC) agency? She got to go do a work-study at that agency and bond with him and my other hero OCs. (I have a list. Ask me.) She got all the advice, all the support, and when this super-dangerous villain who her mother, another pro hero, took down — when he got out of prison, she got the hero moment of fighting him and taking him down! When she was injured due to that, she got the pep-talks from everyone else.

Cass’ characters got everything.

I didn’t notice this for years. I did not realize this, fully realize this, for years.

Why?

Because she seemed just as excited as I was. She was in my DMs, keysmashing and all-caps-ing and raving right alongside me about just how cool our ideas were! Never mind that I did most of the writing, because she was creating ideas with me! She was just as excited as I was, for RP, for writing, for planning — all of it. We even had a plan to make a webcomic together with a soulmate AU for Aidan and Salia. I was someone safe, someone she could vent to when her siblings were too much to handle or her friends weren’t genuine. I sent her Christmas gifts and she sent me handmade earrings.

And then she vanished. Not literally. Not yet. She just… became quieter. There was no enthusiasm, no keysmash, no all-caps. I tried asking, multiple times, if there was something wrong. I wanted to help her! I wanted to be a shoulder for her like I’d done so many times before!

But when she said everything was fine, with that text-tone that says that the typer did not want to talk about it, I stopped prying. And she stopped texting. There was no huge blow-up. No huge argument. Just… slow realizations and slowly, two girls drifted away from a friendship over multiple years — one with a bit more vitriol than before.

I follow her jewelry business on Instagram. She’s doing fine. Sometimes she replies to my stories, but that hasn’t happened in years. I still wear the earrings she gave me. I plan on rewriting that Star Wars fic we wrote together, I still remember the plans we had for that.

But I will never write with her again.

[changeling-droneco]

And I don’t just mean this in a funny joking way, I’m dead serious. Chase it out of your spaces, if anyone in your circle starts talking about art they think should be banned, call them out for being a book burner, if someone tries to start a hate campaign on a trans woman who did the crime of having a kink be very open about how fucking weird that person trying to do it is. Actively mock people who could vote but didn’t or went third party, make it uncool to have black and white thinking.

Make it uncomfortable for people to try and talk purity in fan culture, don’t let them sea lion or try and turn away, call them cops, treat it like the invasion of privacy it is, read those books people want banned. Report people who send hate or spam tags. No mercy, no quarter.

Make it unpopular, openly roll your eyes at people who have 20 paragraph rainbow uwu dni banners. Don’t cower or justify, speak plainly that yeah, you do read that kind of story, why do you care? Why are you so interested in my sex life? Why are you invading my privacy? Make them seem like the weirdo cop who’s causing problems because they are! Don’t downplay yourself, be firm about your understanding about the differences between fiction and reality, about your beliefs on the lesser evil. Ask the questions youve been too polite to ask when confronted, openly point out hypocrisy.

Hell! Report worse offenders to actual organizations, if you know someone is an adult in anti or other kinds of purity circles, more closely look into what they’re doing and potentially be ready to report them for grooming kids because a lot of “safe adults” are actively sending kids porn. Go into their discord groups where they organize hate and report them for harassment and report users for sexual abuse. Hell, tell on those kids to their parents or authorities, contact that highschooler’s school with concerns.

Talk to your kids if you have to and make sure they understand this and if they start showing unusual purity obsessed behaviors get them to a therapist or professional asap. Talk to your friends who start leaning that way and make it clear you’re worried for them, treat it like you just got told they’re becoming interested in Scientology or some other cult, because it’s very much a cult. Like, it followed BITE near perfectly, purity culture is a cult.

Don’t beat yourself up for your failures as well, embrace that you are a sweaty animal who does weird things or likes unusual things and sometimes can’t do things, push back against the idea that you have to be pure and always have the Correct opinion, be wrong! Openly admit to being wrong! Be open about your mistakes! Allow yourself to step away from the discourse of the day and firmly state that you don’t need to fight whatever the internet has chosen as its battle ground and that this doesn’t make you a bad person.

People with purity complexes should not be allowed to yell their way into authority in fandom, and it’a getting to a point where we have multiple reports of it grooming young teens into situations where they end up in cult deprogramming. Purity Culture can’t just be ignored or blocked anymore, not when we have leftists cheering for fucking TRUMP because Harris wasn’t perfect, it’s out of hands, and it’s putting everything at fucking risk.

Stop playing nice, stop being the better person who just ignore and blocks and go “dude, you sound like a perverted cop” and then report them for sexual harassment. no more, im done with trying to play nice and stay in my own space, I’m calling you fancop, I’m calling you a swerf. I am done.

We are done pretending that fanfiction causes incest or rape or whatever when fucking game of thrones exist and got like five seasons, we are done pretending that fictions effect on reality is 1 to 1, we are done pretending that propaganda is overt blatant mind control and also a 5 kudosed fic on ao3. We are done acting like tweeting the correct opinion counts as activism and that anyone not doing that is a monster. No more indulging in trying to explain the nuances, no more pretending they care about the nuances. Be blunt about the fact they want to hurt people, make it blunt that they are bullies. Make it fucking weird and to hold those objectively untrue beliefs, make fun of them for sleeping through English class, treat it like fandom flat earth. It’s not true, none of it was ever true, it came out of fucking ship wars.

Maybe this is putting too much blame on purity culture, but you know what? I’m done caring, not when it’s groomed basically an entire generation to be okay with mob violence and the idea that you can put a quantifiable percentage of “good” to a person, that there is an objective good and bad side and that it is okay to do crimes against humanity if it’s the “bad side”, because it’s getting people killed, it’s ruining lives, and its starting to literally help destroy democracy.

Enough.

Honestly I think this has been a sign that we no longer need to try and tolerate or ignore purity culture, but that shit needs a hard stop now. I fully blame it as being one of the causes for the intense growing black and white thinking in a lot of youth or young adult spaces that prevents meaningful change or to take actions that help even if they aren’t perfectly pure

[aquatigermice]

Re: New Years Goals: 2023

Progress: As Jan 26 2023

Need to Finish:

Stucky war/recovery story.  Part 1 Words: 8184

Joe\Mimi story that been working on since 2001 Word count NA 41pgs written double sided 

Blue       Words:1710

Circus      Words: 1391

Horse 2   Words: 1616

Tsum     Words: 1400

Rain2    Words: 612

Crowley 1,2,3    Words: 2000

Sbt abo        Words: 7221  

Goat Steve      Words:1743

Ruq      Words: 2461

A/B moon       Words: 4447  

Adoc      Words: 5291

Mamb 2022       Words:2386

Baby clone     Words: 1795

Alpine       Words: 679

Cas      Words: 1804

Chris baby       Words: 9421

Ralsbeck     Words: 761

Aot p2    Words: 4212

Freakin done son!!!:

Bond ballet      Words: 21228

Gif     Words: 40733

Beast      Words:14581

Pooches 3     Words: 14156

Pooches 2      Words: 12482

Pooches 1      Words: 14256

stucky war pt2     Words: 39852

soulmark      Words: 3352

ao      Words: 6940

wolf     Words: 4064

lib      Words: 12535

Ride 2      Words: 2177

Posted!!!:

Since we didn't do an update in 2021 or 2022 I am doing that now.

2021:

When Your Isosceles Triangle Turns Out To Be Equilateral aka val 1   Words: 2845

Coming Home aka 7 pbge   Words: 7996

The Long Hours to Dawn. aka Fix 2  Words: 4258

Got to See a Man About a Haircut aka Fix 3  Words: 1645

Thunder Off the Rocks  aka fix it 4 thor  Words: 3430

A Matter of Pride aka lion king    Words: 5877

The Woes of the Ice Planet Saga: Part 2  aka Wotips   Words: 4780

Baby, What Can You Do With Those Arms? aka Hog1   Words: 4141

We Are So Much More Than What You Can See. aka hog 2   Words: 7504

What Would You Do For Your Love? The End aka runt 3   Words: 5,221

Anthony Stark and the Monsters of the Deep aka ray steve Words: 6597

The End   Words: 7,254

A Warrior's Love and A Wizard's Path aka wizard tribe   Words: 28563

Point Me Home aka time     Words: 6828

Only in My Dreams Am I Happy  aka mate   Words: 6562

Where There is Light, the Darkness Follows aka soldier    Words: 2919

Under Your Lights aka Gus    Words: 5031

Summer's Moon and Winter's Sun aka Sbtl/ Supernatural        Words: 14297

The Cold Isn't All That Bad aka hitlikehammer    Words: 7502

Why Did the Falcon Climb the Tree? nest 2    Words: 1594

2022:

Beauty With Brains a Dangerous Combination aka loki.     Words: 7529

A Place of Our Own aka viz wand     Words: 12907

Reading a Shadow aka Shadow       Words: 7554

On the Edge of Time and Space aka sheRa     Words: 29075

Goose games     Words:1849

A Prince's Winter Wonderland Challenge aka Goldilocks      Words:14563

The Assessing and Acquisition of Assets  aka team16     Words: 24671

Reclaiming Our Place in the World aka team47     Words: 32408

America's Ass  aka Ass      Words: 4581

The Bond Between Caretaker and Animal aka Breed 2    Words: 11522

Calendar Pets aka Calendar      Words: 8915

Not All Fires Are Bad aka Fire dog      Words: 10010

I Volunteer!!!!  aka volunteer          Words: 20562

Read It In A Fic Once aka fan fic    Words: 8955

2023:

Devotion aka breed 3  Words: 2940

Ideas:

• solar system

• Angels, demons, and humans

• God Thor

• Gkotm (really excited to start this one)

• Other ideas in the handy dandy notebook. Combining some ideas

Charities stories:

• Destiel handprint 

• Stucky Nemo

• Plums this one in the works. Already posting :)

• White wolf

• Dragon 

• Goose 

Charities art:

• Godzilla

•

Other stuff:

• I want to support at least 2 charities. 

• Co-write a story

• Post 12 story. 

• Be in a 4 fan event 

• Make a zine :)

Most important must do no ifs and or buts:

1. Stop starting stories until I finish some more: Have 20 starts. Lots of notes. not doing better Lol 

2. Finish typing pooches: 3/4 done

3. Finish Stucky war/recovery story pt 

4. Start part twos to stories: (Rain, horse (started), pooches 4, fix it 5, fanfic 2) 

5. Comment more on the stories I read Even if it is great read or good story:   :) doing this well..

6. Keep page for Tsums going: Still on Instagram 

7. Be in an auction: did in 2021

8. Clear out old stories: working on

9. Talk to more authors: Have joined four new discords :)

10. Edit all posted works: done

11. Do a whole year event: in progress

[naoko-world]

Why Bruno is a wonderful character and why I love him so much? - A Bruno Madrigal analysis

OK so originally this was a dissertation about Bruno and why I love him for a Discord server, but in the time it took me to translate, many months passed and I now understand way more my love for him than I did at the time. So we can say it’s a translation of this dissertation but not really. It is now more of a big whole analysis of this character I love. A less messy like it was months ago too, easier to read and...When rereading it I see many English mistakes OMG...They’ll be fixed when it’s  posted though, phew!

Here we go!

Beforehand

In the RiordanVerse, which includes Percy Jackson, Heroes of Olympus, The trials of Apollo and the spin-offs Kane Chronicles and Magnus Chase, my favorite character is Leo Valdez. Leo Valdez is a Hispanic character, son of Hephaistus, who plays the role of the jokester and the third wheel of the group in HOO. He ended up getting a girlfriend during the 4th volume though. Of course, Leo is actually more than that since he's at the same time the one meant to make people laugh, and the one who suffers in silence because of his status as a third wheel and a jokester. 

In the movie Encanto, the character who has the closest personality to Leo's is Camilo Madrigal. Logically then, Camilo should have been my favorite. Well, he almost was! I even had my eyes on him when I first watched the movie, a part of me already loving him. He was really about to become my favorite character in the movie when appeared...

Bruno Madrigal

Well, I'm in love with Bruno! But that's not the point here since there are other reasons why he's my favorite. And I’m going to explain them to you!

Bruno as an assumed villain

The villain treatment

First of all, I'll talk about what is a part in making him the best character in the movie: Bruno isn't a villain but is treated as one by the movie.

During the first half of the movie, Bruno has the same kind of treatment as Shere Khan, Rasputin or even Voldemort. You can actually make parallels between him and these villains! 

We don't talk about Bruno = He Who Must Not Be Named

Concretely, the first thing to notice about it is how in the very first song of the movie, the first thing we say about Bruno is "We don't talk about Bruno". If you do, you'll upset people. It weirdly reminds us of Voldemort and him being "You-Know-Who" (also called He Who Must Not Be Named) because we don't say his name. We call Voldemort “You-know-who”/“He Who Must Not Be Named” and when you evoke Bruno people reply “We don’t talk about Bruno”. It’s not exactly the same thing but it’s close enough. 

That way to evoke Bruno though can remind you of Shere Khan, whose name is pronounced a lot in the movie for him to only appear near the end and being way worse than we thought. Like Bruno, who appears really late on screen, in the middle of the movie actually, but whose name is pronounced pretty often. 

One of the biggest villain details about him, however, is his color.

You obviously noticed that he's associated with the color green, which is a color extremely associated with villains, making it the color of evil. I think about Maleficent or Rasputin, for example, who wear dark clothes but whose magic is green like Bruno's. Same for The Evil Queen in Snow White, who puts the red apple in a green mixture. On top of that, not only Bruno's magic is green, but when Camilo talks about him in the song “We Don't Talk About Bruno”, there is a green light all around him and Mirabel, making it all the more worrying. Like Scar from The Lion King in his own villain song.

The song “We Don't Talk About Bruno”.

One last thing that causes him to be treated as a villain : The song “We Don't Talk About Bruno”. Not only Camilo describes him as a monster, scary and dangerous, but most of the song is only negative about him, making us feel that he makes the future happen rather than merely announcing it...I mean..."Your fate is sealed when your prophecy is read"....It’s like they’re saying that if he didn't announce it, it wouldn't have happened. The only exceptions are Isabela, who is the only one to speak about a positive prophecy, and Dolores who, in her first part, talks about how she grew to live in fear of Bruno but explains later in that part that his prophecies are misunderstood. A big hint on how, maybe, he isn't much of a villain that the song wants us to believe.

His pictures

To add on top of it, each flashback or picture we have of him shows him with his hood hiding his eyes, or frowning and not looking very sympathetic. He smirks on his door though but it’s barely visible. 

All of that before we finally meet him and discover he actually isn't what we thought he would be (though I met people who understood immediately it was only baloney).

Bruno isn't actually a villain

And here is me announcing the moment to talk about why I love Bruno that much, with my whole soul and heart!

First thing first I’ll talk about how he can be pretty blunt and honest.

I mean, we sometimes saw him lie, like when he’s saying he didn’t leave because the mountains are pretty tall, but otherwise he’s a pretty blunt and honest man. I think for example about when Mirabel falls into the chasm and he catches her before telling her, “You’re very sweaty”. I mean, it’s true, we saw it earlier, but was it really the right time to tell her that? I can understand though, I can sometimes be pretty blunt like that too, but it clearly wasn’t necessary. That’s cute though, I like it! 

If I can elaborate on it and give my view about that point, I could even say him being blunt precipitated his bad reputation. I can see him giving the visions with nervosity but not sugarcoating them! 

Then, Bruno can also be very clumsy! 

I don’t only mean he’s clumsy like when he’s fleeing Mirabel and almost falls when jumping from plank to plank. Or when he fetched a horse to come save Mirabel but is struggling handling it, which is so adorable! No, I also talk about when he can hurt others without intending to. 

I’m thinking typically about the events at Pepa’s marriage, where he tried to make a joke and it made his sister think it was a prophecy. She was already pretty nervous, but that joke made the rain fall on her wedding day because of how terrible it made her feel. Of course, Bruno wasn’t ill-intended, he only was trying to put her more at ease, as he said in  “All Of You” when he sang “I could just see you were sweating”, but intention matters less than the results. There, the result is that he hurt his sister. Which must have made him feel very bad too, if I know him well. This is probably why he probably never apologized until the end of the movie.

But I love that part of him too! I think it is incredibly cute! And I would have loved to be there to hug him and reassure him about how it’s not completely his fault, that the context wasn't the best for that kind of joke and that Pepa was not the right person. Though I suspect she wasn't even holding it against him, she was more angry because he left and wanted a reason to hate him.

That point joins another part of him I like: He's nervous and anxious...Like me!

Oddly I always loved shy, nervous and anxious characters, like Sawako Kuronuma, from Kimi ni Todoke, or Shin-ah from Akatsuki no Yona. They have my whole heart and Bruno is the ultimate shy, nervous and anxious character! I just want to comfort him, tell him it'll be okay, help him overcome his nervosity and anxiety. Also, we can be anxious together! 

That aspect of his personality is mainly shown in his body language. During the movie, he’s often fiddling with his hands, with his ruana, chuckling nervously, or stuttering. He also has a way to look at people with his eyebrows going upwards in worry, as if expecting something to go wrong. 

Hell, even him being superstitious is part of his anxious side! He knocks on wood to bring good luck because he clearly doesn’t feel well when he can’t do it when he feels bad. You can even see him tapping his arm during the last song, just before the part where he’s rapping and apologizing to Pepa! Because he wants to bring good luck but doesn’t have wood to knock on! 

Also the way he laughs...You can feel the nervosity in his chuckles! Like when he’s trying to be funny with his Hernando/Jorge play and Mirabel only stares at him as if he said something weird. At that point you can feel he realised she didn’t find it funny and cringed. Poor Bruno.

Oh well it doesn't prevent him from actually being funny. He's a goofy character after all!

First...What the heck Mirabel??? His Hernando/Jorge play is hilarious! You just don't have any taste! Bad girl! Hernando and Jorge are the funniest characters and Bruno is the best actor of all time. He should do a stand-up show!

Then...I talked earlier about when he went to fetch a horse to go save Mirabel who actually wasn’t in danger. I’ll elaborate on it if you permit me too (you don’t have a choice anyway because that analysis will end before you can answer), in saying how interesting that scene is on a comedy lense. Starting with the way Bruno just arrives at the river struggling with the horse but managing to scream "Mirabel didn’t do anything wrong!" like a madman. Then, he literally falls before getting up spinning like a screwdriver all while yelling at his mother! That’s incredibly funny! 

Also, Bruno shows some sarcasm at some points. I think about when he’s afraid Mirabel will hate his vision and he’s repeating what was saying in the song “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” to parodying it. I mean, you can feel what the three townspeople said, “He told me my fish would die the next day dead, he told me I’d grow a gut and just like he said, he said that all my hair would disappear now look at me,” and the whole Camilo verse “Seven foot frame, rats along his back, when he calls your name it all fades to black, yeah he sees your dreams and feast on your screams,” when Bruno says “Bruno makes bad things happen, oh, he’s creepy and his vision killed my goldfish.” Honestly I have a bad memory but first time I watched the movie I’m pretty sure I was like “Oops, guilty” because I believed everything said in the song.

Bruno is also kind and caring!

Bruno is a kind and caring man who, as a proof of this character trait, saved Mirabel during their chase. I remind you he was fleeing her! But he preferred saving his niece rather than staying away from her like he’d done the last 10 years. This is why he was fleeing and he probably didn’t expect her to try to jump the chasm. She did though, and pushed him to make a choice: continue to flee and protecting himself and his, probably with time, comfortable life in the walls, or turn back to save her. He made that last choice. Because it wouldn’t be logical to leave her to die while he hid to protect her, but also because he’s too nice to leave her behind. 

We can also see that part of him when we discover later why he left. The fact is that he left because he was afraid Mirabel was in danger of having a fate potentially worse than his. I mean, I know people who would have taken advantage of it to stop being the black sheep of the family. Some people prefer to be part of the accepted group, Bruno preferred staying the black sheep so Mirabel could live a good life. 

To go further into the topic of his kind and caring side, I’ll talk again about the river scene. Before that scene, in the movie, Bruno leaves to let Mirabel go see Isabela, making her tease him “You’re afraid Abuela will see you,” which he confirms. He’s afraid of his mother but, even with that detail, when he thinks Mirabel is in danger he doesn’t hesitate to hurry save her from that same mother. He does because he cares too much to just stay hidden near the ruins of his house while one member of his family, especially one he bounded a lot with, is in danger. The most incredible detail in that scene being he’s trying to pin the blame on himself rather than simply defending her like most people would have done. He’s so kind! I love him!

Another thing I love about him is linked to the joke he was fed with “respect woman juice”: he’s respectful!

There is something noticeable when viewing the movie during “All Of You”: at the moment Bruno’s part is starting, he doesn’t take Pepa’s hand. Instead, he holds his hand to her to take, before spinning around to bring her into Félix’s arms. It’s not much but that man knows consent!

I’m French, so in my country, before COVID, when you greet each other you have to kiss the other person on the cheek. It’s basically an automatism and, for people like me who don’t like being kissed on the cheek by anyone, it always has been annoying. You can even blame children for not wanting it, telling them to be a bit polite. Or, if you don’t kiss someone, they can think you are angry at them. No, I just don’t like kissing on the cheek. I’m telling you, since COVID I saw people being incredibly happy to not be obligated anymore to kiss people! 

Finally, Bruno is creative. 

Him being creative can be shown with his Hernando/Jorge show, of course. However, in a more subtle way, we can also see many drawings, mainly of rats, in his hideout. And not bad at all! Hell, the screen even zooms in on one of his drawings to make us cry with sadness when realising how he loves his family and could never let go. I’m obviously talking about the plate scene. It’s neither a real plate, nor a photo. He drew that! That man is an artist! 

People talked a lot about his telenovelas too, like I saw many (including myself) using that to make Bruno and a reader/OC bond. Because it's a good way to! Though it seems like people tend to forget Bruno doesn’t only write telenovelas, but also sports games, and game shows. This is proof of a big imagination too!  

In the end I think you can now understand how much I love him. That man is perfect in his imperfection, and perfect husband material! I mean, I love everything about him, his bad sides, like being too blunt, as well as his good ones, like being caring.

I know this is also why he’s overloved too: I’m not the only one who saw it in him, and many are in love with him or only have him as their favorite character. In my case, he’s both the one I’m in love with and my favorite.

The fact he started the movie by being kinda villainized adds to it too, because there is a contrast between how he’s seen in the first part and in the second one.