#my deepest apologies do not feel the need to match etc etc etc

[elijahfalvey]

WHERE / Leon's apartment, Weaver Ridge.

WHEN / Best bro sleepover; late in the evening, any day.

WITH / Leon Wozniak — @leonwozniak.

It was downright comical how long Elijah had known Leon, how long they’d been living in the same town again, and it’d taken him until now to step a single foot inside the worn down apartment building he called home. He’d seen it from the outside plenty of times, on plenty of different occasions, but it never quite occurred to the musician that this was his first time seeing the state of his living room until he was standing there, a six-pack of beer and a small paper bag from the dispensary dangling from his hands. It was … well, he wouldn’t say nice — at least not in comparison to his own home, in which nice was a massive understatement — but comfortable, perhaps, was the better word. Lived-in. It reminded him a lot of his old apartment before he moved in with Nilay, which, granted, wasn’t located in Weaver Ridge (which seemed to bring its own charm unoften found in the other neighborhoods within Blue Harbor), but shared an alarming amount of similarities with the building Leon lived in now. It was either that, or the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to particularly care at the current minute, that had him overlooking a lot of the 'charm' he had the pleasure of finally seeing with his own eyes. He simply toed his shoes off at the door and continued walking on through, finding the nearest couch to sit on as he unloaded his things onto the coffee table like he was the one that lived there. “Thanks, Le,” he piped up, his words much more concise than the unspoken meaning behind them. Thank you for having me over. Thank you for letting me stay. Thank you for being a good friend. “You wanna watch a movie? I won't, uh — won't make you sit through Barbie as the Island Princess, don't worry. You can pick.”

[5eraphim]

Okay so this has been stuck in my head for WEEKS and I finally decided to stop bein scared and ask you to write about it lol

So as a DBD player, I got to thinking that it would be kinda cool if survivors could fight the killer even if it was just once per round and then this scenario popped into my head.

How would Killer react to Survivor!Reader biting them as a defense/distraction/etc? My favs are The Shape, The Executioner, and The Mastermind! Headcannons would be amazing but if you could maybe branch out to make one a one-shot kinda deal? Maybe NSFW if you feel spicy?

P.S your writing and fics LITERALLY give me life YOU’RE SO GOOD 😭🧡

My deepest apologies for how long this has been rotting in my inbox, I thought this prompt was a lot of fun, and again, I'm sorry it took forever for me to get around to answering this. Hope you enjoy all the same!

Characters: Michael Meyers, Albert Wesker, Pyramid Head (Dead By Daylight)

Rating: R (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, GO PLAY OUTSIDE!!)

Content Warnings: Yandere, smut, noncon, stalking, choking, violence, sacrificed to the entity, predator/prey dynamics, obsession, sadism and masochism, reader is kept gender neutral

Word Count: 1.6k

MASTER LIST

TIP JAR

The Shape

It's almost too predictable for a killer like Michael Myers to wind up in a situation like this. As the survivor he brought with him into the entity's realm made physical payback, her signature, Micheal can't help but attract the "feisty" type.

A man hiding behind a mask, Michael competes with fierce determination and an almost primal compulsion to hunt, stalk, and slaughter like no other. Of the three, Myers would be the most likely to anticipate physical retribution from a survivor, according to him, all part of the hunt. 

Myers prefers to remain hidden by shadows as long as possible, awaiting his perfect opportunity to go in for a decisive kill. But remaining hidden in the dark is a luxury you don't have at your disposal on account of being Myer's obsession.

You didn't want it to come to this. Even before the match started, you prayed to fight any killer, but Myers, your disappointment only grew as you realized minutes later that you were his obsession.

The idea of fighting back physically was a spur-of-the-moment decision; you knew you only had one chance of pulling this off, and if you missed, your fate would be sealed. You usually weren't one to opt for such a risky strategy, but you were too blinded by your fear of Myers. You would do anything to get away.

Even though you couldn't see him, you could feel Myers' eyes locked in on you, no doubt following and trailing you from behind. The paranoia was torture, but you forced yourself to stay strong and ignore Myers, to focus solely on supporting your team. 

When Myers inevitably tracked you down and caught you after getting distracted by something else, you had so much pent-up nervous aggression that you couldn't hold back your body's instinct to fight back.

Fear overtook any lingering traces of rationality as you struggled blindly against Myers, but you had just enough determination reserved to take aim and fire a single punch, aiming for his head, landing against the cheek of the mask; it was just enough to disorient him long enough for you to wriggle free.

Despite the offense, Myers didn't think you had it in you to fight back like that. It excited him! As though you were holding back on him before, and now you were starting to fight back like you really meant it!

After enduring the pressure of being his obsession and succumbing to the fear of it all, you little humanity left to hold onto, almost nothing but your primal fight or flight instincts; it was truly a beautiful sight for him to behold.

The next time he cornered you, Myers decided he ought to follow your lead, only instead of going for your head, he would go for your throat, not with the knife, but with his hand.

And for just a moment, he'd keep you there. Only needing one hand around your throat to keep your entire body pinned into place on the wall behind you. Wood planks made contact with your back at odd angles, the dull pain radiating up and down your spine as you were face to face with Myers, close enough to hear his breathing behind the mask while he observed your face- knowing you believed he was seconds away from slitting your throat. 

Likely, as Myers holds you in such a compromising position, he takes out all his own pent-up frustrations on you. Leaving bitemarks all over your neck and shoulders while he quickly shreds the clothes from your body.

Just as you gave into primal fight-or-flight instincts, he was giving into his own primal urges. He'd won the hunt, and now it was time to let his libido take charge. Half-undressed, he ruts against you, and you can hear his heartbeat racing. Maybe even feel his body warming as his blood flows rapidly, but he remains as silent as a corpse.

After having his fun, Myers will take great pleasure in sacrificing you to the entity. Even if he couldn't take down everyone on your team before this, the opportunity to sacrifice his obsession in such a thrilling bloodbath overshadowed any regular trial as a ruthless killer. 

The Mastermind

It wouldn't take more than an instance of fighting back physically against him for Wesker to decide to hunt you down right away. He would've never suspected another survivor would be bold enough to try something like this on him. Wesker wants to know what makes you think you're strong enough to try something like this.

His reaction would be determined primarily by what point in the trial you try this.

Albert might think it's insufficient enough to ignore if it's early or if he's doing well.

But given how infamous of a hothead he can be, more often than not, any time you try this, expect to be met with hostility.

Wants to see you go from physically resistant to begging him for mercy. On the outside, he pretends to see brats like you as nothing but a petty annoyance to be dealt with, but on the inside, he absolutely loves doing this; keeping the weak in check is how he stays strong.

Wesker doesn't exactly get any legitimate pleasure from being hurt, but he will tap into the pain when fighting back. He does this partly out of loyalty and obligation to the entity but equally out of a petty vengeance to hurt you back twice as hard as you hurt him.

Wesker waits patiently before fighting back, taking care of those annoying teammates first to give you his undivided attention. As well as strategically lying in wait after the confrontation before striking while your guard is down. 

The very first thing Wesker does after tracking you down is wounding you exactly where you hurt him, though he's sure not to let you go until he's drawn blood.

Don't expect him to show you any mercy from here. Might go as far as pushing you down, wiping his shoes against your back as you writhe below, trying to squirm out from under his boot.

It's good foreplay for him, seeing the foolish survivor who dared to fight back, bleeding and barely alive. He won't fuck you in the muck for his own sake, of course. Wesker will push you up against a wall face first while he is taking you from behind.

If he's feeling especially good after sweeping a trial, he might leave you with just enough life to hold onto while you crawl to the hatch. More likely, you won't live long after such a brutal session. But even if you don't die, Wesker will be sure to leave you so beaten and tormented you'll regret trying to fight him like that and won't want to try again. Even if Wesker secretly hopes you will.

The Executioner

While the others welcome the resistance, even if only to crush it, Pyramid Head would likely resent you for trying to physically challenge the killer and disrupt the natural order of things. It was an injustice, and it was imperative to punish you for this.

Imagine playing as a "Gen-Jockey" survivor, the kind of teammate who provides the bare minimum to the rest of the team, putting your own survival above the lives of your teammates, the type of survivor Pyramid Head hated the most. A coward.

All that to say, it was an extreme shock after he cornered you and felt your teeth sinking into the exposed flesh above his glove. 

While you were combative and aggressive now, Pyramid Head knew you couldn't keep this up forever. You were, to him, nothing but a coward deep down. Even if you wanted to pretend like you had any real fight of your own, it wouldn't be long before you surrendered to your own exhaustion. Perhaps he was even doing this as his way of offering you a "fair shot" to find your way out before he got his hands on you. Like he would ever let that happen.

Since you tried to bite him earlier, he'd punish you by fucking you from behind, bent over a broken desk crushing your face against the hardwood surface. He was an inescapable force while you were powerless to stop any of this from below.

Would only give into his beastial nature to hurt and fuck you if he's already managed to kill the rest of your team. It's not his style to slaughter his obsession until he's taken care of the others, and he doesn't want to let anyone pass by without judgment.

If he doesn't get this opportunity during the trial, Pyramid Head will fantasize about killing you off last while staying buried inside you, feeling your pathetic body crumbling and going limp beneath him.

Paradoxical feelings of sadism and protectiveness for you as Pyramid Head is obsessed with being the only one alloweed to hurt you, judge your soul, or torture you. But all this cruelty is undermined by his motivation to keep you from getting hurt by others.

He is most likely to let you live after making love because the instant gratification of an orgasm, as well as the satisfaction of punishing you himself, will keep him from sending you up to the entity. 

Consider this Pyramid Head's very niche kind of post-nut clarity.

[mochi-marie]

I hope this isn’t too much but can you do some bnha characters comforting the reader? Maybe she has low self esteem and thinks down of herself? Maybe with hawks, Shigaraki, Bakugou and Todoroki? Sorry it’s just I’m not in the best mood > <

˗ˏˋ 𝐁𝐍𝐇𝐀 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐒 / 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐄𝐒 / 𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒 + 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐌 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓 ˎˊ˗

author’s note : it's not too much at all, love!! i love writing comfort, this is more than okay! and no need to apologize, everyone gets upset sometimes <3 just remember that you're loved, and take care of your mental health — that goes for everyone reading this! also, i ended up writing two small blurbs for bakugou and todoroki, so i hope they're okay? <3

perspective : gender neutral

characters : bakugou katsuki, todoroki shoto, keigo takami, shigaraki tomura

warning : angst to comfort, themes of self-hate / self-esteem issues

⊰ 𝗕𝗔𝗞𝗨𝗚𝗢𝗨 𝗞𝗔𝗧𝗦𝗨𝗞𝗜 ⊱

♡ … bakugou may not seem like it, but he is very observant. he tends to notice slight changes in routines, or in attitudes. this often times includes noticing changes of mentality.

♡ … the moment that he realizes you're upset, specifically upset with yourself, he understands. he's been through similar feelings of inferiority, and a part of him aches at the idea of you feeling the way he did.

♡ … over time, katsuki tries to reach out to you in subtle ways. making you food more often, offering small glances and holding your gaze with his own with a hidden questioning look while he wished he could say : "hey, i'm here for you"

♡ … but subtlety often doesn't work. he realizes it when your issues seem to finally bubble up and you're nowhere in sight...

bakugou found himself staring into dark wood, eyes downcast at the slit under the door with low, yellow light illuminating from the crack. Taking a deep breath, going over the words in his head for what felt like the one-hundredth time, his hand lifted up to meet the door — your door — and his knuckles bounced, the rapping jolting him out of the haze he had been trapped under. bakugou's mouth felt dry, mind blanking and words dying on his lips when he heard a soft voice call out; "who is it?"

"open the door." strong, stable, calm. katsuki's eyes trailed the length of the illuminated slit, watching for any movement that would be caught by shifting shadows. "wh-" "just let me in, (name)." his voice was quick and sharp to respond, a stark contrast to the worry swimming in his scarlet red eyes. surprisingly, the click and shift of a lock was heard, and the door cracked open, revealing you. you could only imagine how disheveled you appeared — large, oversized lounge clothes draping over your figure, hair messy, and no doubt bags under your eyes, deprivation of mental rest clearly written across your face. "b-bakugou, why're you-"

arms wrapped around your shoulder tightly, surprise making you stumble back as your own instinctively wrapped around bakugou's mid-section. his face was pushed against your head, his spikey blonde hair tickling your face as the realization dawned. bakugou knew, he was there. he knew the deepest, darkest depths of his own mind that was tainted with ideas of inferiority, of guilt and regret, and of self-hate. he knew more than anyone how you felt in that moment, and he silently enveloped you in the comfort of attention and understanding.

"how'd you know?" you murmured softly, trying your best to swallow back the hot sting behind your eyes.

"it's my job to know." was his only response.

⊰ 𝗧𝗢𝗗𝗢𝗥𝗢𝗞𝗜 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗧𝗢 ⊱

♡ … todoroki can be a bit oblivious with childish things such as jokes, or with some types of emotions, but he understands self-esteem and the issues surrounding the concept.

♡ … watching your facial expressions, he immediately takes notice of the way you avoid mirrors, or in the way you seem to dodge compliments and brush off insults with a hidden frown and hurt bleeding from your expressive eyes.

♡ … todoroki would not waste any time, and would be quick to come and confront you about what's bothering you.

♡ … he may not fully understand the extent of your issues, but he will not stand aside and watch a loop of self-destruction start...

todoroki watches the smile on your lips fade to a thin line as others laughed around you, watching carefully as your gaze wandered to your hands that rested in your lap, fiddling nervously with your fingers. his stomach twisted into knots as he observed you silently, blank look on his face ever-present as he watched you get left behind once again. he watched the corner of your lips twitch, observed as the sigh flew harshly from your lips, and as your head dropped to stare into your lap.

furiously blinking, doing your best to hide your distraught face from others, a hand pressed itself to your upper back. the positioning was awkward, yet safe; hand curving to the upset hunch of your back. the hand was warm, and as you lifted your head, meeting his dual-colored eyes that matched his white and red split hair. "(name)?" his voice was calm and soft, eyebrows creasing in furrowed worry as his hand traveled to yours that had continued fiddling, taking your fingers into his palm. his thumb absentmindedly rubbed over your knuckles softly, having paused.

"are you okay?" sincerity dripped from his honeyed voice, genuine worry for a close one obvious. the tears that slipped from your eyes didn't startle him; todoroki calmly waited, until your head dropped to lean against his shoulder, feeling terrible for letting him see you in such a weak moment.

"it's okay, (name). speak when you're ready. i'm here for you." was his soft response to your silence, his heart pounding in his chest.

no one dared to disturb you two, as he listened to you let your emotions out.

⊰ 𝗞𝗘𝗜𝗚𝗢 𝗧𝗔𝗞𝗔𝗠𝗜 ⊱

♡ … climbing in through your apartment window to be greeted with a surprised gasp was confusing.

♡ … when his head snapped up to see tear streaks on your cheeks with rosy eyes and a red nose, his heart climbed into his throat.

♡ … keigo's normal cockiness drained from his person, replaced with a side of him that doesn't normally show all too often -- seriousness and care overtakes his features, being emotionally intelligent.

♡ … he drops anything that he may have been carrying in favor of scooping you up into his arms after pulling off some of his pro-hero equipment ( visor, gloves, etc ).

♡ … keigo looks down to you, cradled in his arms with tears brimming that nearly draw water to his own eyes.

♡ … "what happened?" he asks softly, in a low voice as to avoid any more tears that would slip if he spoke any louder. his voice was barely above a whisper.

♡ … if you choose to say what's been bothering you, he'll listen closely, still holding you close to his chest with his chin resting on the crown of your head, sitting down on a sofa or a bed.

♡ … if you choose to stay silent, not yet ready or not quite in the right mind to convert bitter thoughts into coherent words that would make sense, he'll simply hold you to his figure until you're ready to talk!

♡ … will be a bit clingy, if it doesn't annoy you too much! he'll grumble a bit if you try to push away, and will sit outside the bathroom door if you needed to use it.

♡ … for the rest of the night he's never too far away, sticking near you as much as possible to offer any and all comfort that you need, only getting up to follow you to the bathroom or to grab you any snacks or drinks you may want, or blankets and pillows.

⊰ 𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗚𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗞𝗜 𝗧𝗢𝗠𝗨𝗥𝗔 ⊱

♡ … shigaraki is known to not care for others and their qualms, acting childish and not being the best in understanding certain emotions or knowing how to deal with them within himself or others.

♡ … but having a relationship with you ( in some way or another ), he may have learned a bit. that doesn't mean he won't hesitate greatly though, once met with your tearful expression and curled up figure.

♡ … all you see is his frozen, ridged form, standing as still as a statue. yet his heart is pounding wildly in his chest, breath caught in his throat and skin starting to irritatingly itch.

♡ … his hand crawls up to his neck to absent-mindedly scratch, observing the way you opted to turn from his view. yet it was hard to miss the way you tried your best to stop the small bobbing of your shoulders that ached in the suppression of your cries.

♡ … an awkward, uncomfortable presence was sat next to you after a few minutes. no touching, just company. his company, unsure of what was appropriate, not knowing what to do, or what you would want from him.

♡ … if you don't tell him want you want, or what you need, the most he might do is place a tentative hand on your shoulder to test the waters, unsure of what he was doing, fingers twitching in uncomfortable tenseness.

♡ … he wants to help, he knows that he should help, but he doesn't know how to interact with people who are suffering with these emotions.

♡ … you'll have to be to one to move; to crawl into his embrace and manually wrap his arms around your frame, to be the one to initiate so that he can finally loosely wrap his arms around you — still hesitant and rigid, but wanting to help you in any way you would need — and let you bury your head into the crook of his neck.

♡ … while he may not be sure about physical or emotional connection, he understands that you need him, and that you need time to be able to explain the self-disparaging thoughts that run wild in your head.

♡ … will let you sit and cling to him for the rest of the day, and doesn't dare move unless you yourself moves first, not wanting to risk worsening any thoughts -- the absolute opposite of what he would wish.

© — mochi-marie.tumblr 2021 ⊱ please do not plagerize, repost, reproduce, edit / alter, or claim any works as your own.

[purpledinosaur1988]

Ever been in one of those situations where you put your trust in the wrong person. Yeah me to. I used to be "friends" with this female who turned out to be TOXIC! She caused so many problems in my life to a point where she would use me to lie for her, watch her brat of a child. When I met my husband back in 2014, the toxic female would try her best to break me and him up. It was early days in our relationship and she would always expect me to drop everything including date night plans to help her out of sticky situations. After seeing the effects of how miserable I was being made to feel, my husband eventually got me to walk away from the toxic female and finally be happy. I felt so much better without being associated with her. We never spoke again, would avoid each other in public etc. Fast for to a few months ago, I was waiting on a bus to work, she approached me trying to use my child as a pawn to win back "friendship" by telling me that my son's nan had passed away, saying I was to unblock her as she missed me. Obviously I didn't unblock her from my socials and the next time I saw my son I asked his uncle how his mum (my son's nan) was and that I hadn't seen her in awhile, he answered saying she is still struggling with the whole pandemic but is much better than before. That cleared that up. The toxic female told me a malicious lie. I mean has she no better things to be getting on with than trying to get me to fall for her BS 🐂💩 again.

My life has improved massively over the years I have been with my husband, we met in 2014, engaged in 2015 & married in 2016. I don't have a big circle of friends and I am okay with that as I would rather surround myself with those who are positive influences to me. Those friends hold a special place in my heart ♥️ I have my 2 best friends who I have been friends with since high school so they are more like Sisters to me.

If anyone feels there are red flags in your life with certain people. Please don't ignore them as you deserve to be happy.

Signs to look out for

1. You feel on-edge around this person, but you still want them to like you. You find yourself writing off most of their questionable behavior as accidental or insensitive, because you’re in constant competition with others for their attention and praise. They don’t seem to care when you leave their side—they can just as easily move on to the next source of energy.

2. They withhold attention and undermine your self-esteem. After first hooking you with praise and flattery, they suddenly become reclusive and uninterested. They make you feel desperate & needy, ensuring that you are always the one to initiate contact or physical intimacy.

3. Plasters your Facebook page with compliments, flattery, songs, and poems. They text you dozens, if not hundreds of times per day. You come to rely on this over-communication as a source of confidence.

4. Quickly declares you their soul mate. And for some reason, you don’t find it creepy. They tell you how much they have in common with you. On the first few dates, you do most of the talking and they just can’t believe how perfect you are for them.

5. Compares you to everyone else in their life. Ex-lovers, friends, family members, and your eventual replacement. When idealizing, they make you feel special by telling you how much better you are than these people. When devaluing, they use these comparisons to hurt you.

6. Lies and excuses. There is always an excuse for everything, even things that don’t require excusing. They make up lies faster than you can question them. They will always blame others—it is never their fault. They spend more time rationalizing their behavior than improving it.

7. No startle response. Total absence of anxiety, fear, and worry where there otherwise should be. They are also very easily bored by the familiar. You write this off as calm and cool, often feeling inferior and over-sensitive because you have normal human emotions.

8. Insults you with a condescending, joking sort of attitude. Smirks when you try to express yourself. Teasing becomes the primary mode of communication in your relationship. They subtly belittle your intelligence and achievements. If you point this out, they call you hypersensitive and crazy.

9. Uses social networking to provoke jealousy and rivalries while maintaining their cover of innocence. They once focused all of their attention on you, but now they post ambiguous videos and statuses to make you doubt your place in their heart. They bait previously denounced exes with old songs and inside jokes. They attend to new activity and ignores yours.

10. You find yourself playing detective. It is never happened in any other relationship, but suddenly you are scrolling back years on their Facebook page and albums. Same with their ex. You are seeking answers to a feeling you cannot quite explain.

11. Surrounds themselves with former lovers and potential mates. Brags that their exes still want to sleep with him/her, but assures you there is nothing to worry about. These people make you feel jealous and give off the perception that your partner is in high-demand.

12. Hyperbolizes emotions while displaying none of them. They make passionate statements like “I have never felt so happy in my life” in a completely robotic voice. It sounds like an alien trying to explain how they imagine human emotions might feel.

13. You are the only one who sees their true colors. Others will think they’re the nicest person in the world, even though they are used for money, resources, and attention. They will not care because he/she strategically distracts them with shallow praise (often done over social networking). Psychopaths are able to maintain superficial friendships far longer than their relationships.

14. Accuses you of emotions that they are intentionally provoking. They will call you jealous after blatantly flirting with their ex over social networking for the world to see. They will call you needy after intentionally ignoring you for three days straight.

15. Cannot put themselves in your shoes, or anyone else’s for that matter. You find yourself desperately trying to explain how they might feel if you were treating them this way, and they just stare at you blankly.

16. You are engaged in constant conversations about their ex. You know them by name, and you know everything about their relationship—at least, your partner’s version of events. The ex becomes one of the most frequent topics of discussion in your relationship.

17. You find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect to a full-grown man/woman. Normal people understand the fundamental concepts of honesty and kindness. No adult should need to be told how they are making other people feel.

18. Focuses on your mistakes and ignores their own. If they’re two hours late, do not forget that you were once five minutes late to your first date. If you point out their mistakes, they will always be quick to turn the conversation back on you.

19. Suddenly and completely bored by you. Gives you the silent treatment and becomes very annoyed that you seem to be interested in continuing the passionate relationship that they created. You are now a chore to them.

20. The ultimate hypocrite. They have extremely high expectations for fidelity, respect, and adoration. After the idealization phase, they will give none of this back to you. They will cheat, lie, insult, and degrade. But you are expected to remain perfect.

21. Sometimes it seems as though they’ve forgotten who they’re supposed to be around you. They adopt different personas for different people—transforming their entire personality to match various audiences. It is always very eerie when they slip and accidentally use the wrong mask for you. You will start to feel that their personality just does not seem to add up.

22. An unusual amount of “crazy” people in their past. Any ex-partner or friend who did not come crawling back to them will likely be labeled jealous, bipolar, an alcoholic, or some other nasty smear. They will speak about you the same way to their next target.

23. Flatters your deepest insecurities. If you are self-conscious about your looks, they will call you the sexiest person in the world. If you have got a need to entertain, they will say you’re the funniest person they have ever known. They will also mirror your greatest fantasies, playing whatever role is necessary to win your heart.

24. Frequently comments about what you are wearing and how you look. They try to arrange you. You become obsessed with your appearance, noticing flaws that likely don’t even exist. During and after the relationship, you will spend significantly more time in front of the mirror.

25. You fear that any fight could be your last. Normal couples argue to resolve issues, but psychopaths make it clear that negative conversations will jeopardize the relationship, especially ones regarding their behavior. You apologize and forgive quickly, otherwise you know they’ll lose interest in you.

26. Obsessed with humiliating successful, kind, and cheerful people. Delighted by the idea of breaking up friendships and marriages. If you work hard to maintain interpersonal peace in your life, they will make it their mission to uproot all of it.

27. Gaslighting. Blatantly denies their own manipulative behavior and ignores evidence when confronted with it. They will become angry if you attempt to disprove their delusions with facts.

28. They expect you to read their mind. If they stop communicating with you for several days, it’s your fault for not knowing about the plans they never told you about. There will always be a self-victimizing excuse to go along with this.

29. Selfishness and a crippling thirst for attention. They drain the energy from you and consume your entire life. Their demand for adoration is insatiable. You thought you were the only one who could make them happy, but now you feel that anyone with a beating pulse could fit the role. However, the truth is: no one can fill the void of a psychopath’s soul.

30. Your feelings. After a run-in with a psychopath, you will feel insane, exhausted, drained, shocked, suicidal, and empty. You will tear apart your entire life—spending money, ending friendships, and searching for some sort of reason behind it all.

We can find that normal and loving people do not raise any of these flags. After a negative encounter, most survivors face the struggle of hypervigilance: who can really be trusted? Our gauge will swing back and forth for a while, like a volatile pendulum. We all wonder if we have gone absolutely mad for wanting to believe the best in an old friend or a new date, but also feeling sick to the stomach when actually spending time with them.

It is important to develop our intuition, but that is a personal process. The world is mostly full of good people, and we suffer a double punishment if we miss them due to the fear of being hurt again.

People need to set aside some time to get in touch with their feelings, and become comfortable with a balance of awareness and trust. The reflection offers understanding about our emotions. It helps provide understanding for which old relationships need to be refreshed, and which toxic patterns need to be abandoned and replaced by healthier ones.

Society conditions us to ask “does this person like me” instead of exercising critical thinking and asking “do I like this person?”

[tiannarosetarot]

Full Moon in Taurus on Halloween (Samhain) Pick a Card Reading - October 31st, 2020

Hi my loves, happy Halloween or Samhain and welcome to today’s reading! Today is really special as we have a full moon, in fact it is a blue moon (so the second full moon of the month) on Halloween, which is very rare. This reading will cover the next few weeks, so as today is the last day of October, I will not be making a separate November reading, however I will likely make another type of general reading for this month later on. 

I highly recommend doing some research on Samhain or on the moon cycles if you are interested in anything witchy, but I won’t have enough time to do a detailed explanation of these events today. 

This is another pick-a-card reading, with 3 different piles to choose from. Look at the picture below and choose which pile you are resonating with at the moment. I’ve added three cute colored pumpkins to help you in your decision. Once you feel good about your pile, scroll down to your reading! I will see you at the end of this post!

Pile 1 - Bronze Pumpkin

Cards in this reading:

Shock of The New

Divine Order

Gentleness

New Moon in Pisces - Meditate and Contemplate

New Moon in Aries - It’s time to take action

Void-of-Course Moon - Nothing will come of this situation

Awakening - Energetic upgrades. A new way of being. Integration.

Star Mother - How can you Mother yourself?

Action Cards: Finish, Pray, Prepare

Page of Cups 

Ace of Wands 

Page of Swords 

The Hermit 

Seven of Pentacles 

Hi Pile 1! Let me just start by saying that there are some difficult situations in this reading, however overall this feels very positive. There is a major change coming to you now, one that may be shocking and difficult to deal with, but will ultimately lead to a very positive outcome. You are experiencing a new beginning, a necessary beginning that will lead you further to a sense of awakening. If you’ve been stuck in a situation, possibly a relationship, a job or even an ideology, now is the time to take action and remove yourself from a toxic situation. With the action card Finish, something is ending in your life. If you’ve been debating for a while whether to end something, chances are that is the right way to go, as you deserve to feel secure and not doubtful of your situation. The Void-of-Course Moon explains that nothing will come of this situation. If you’ve been waiting and waiting for someone or something to change, it may be time to seek a new situation. With the Unbound Card, don’t be afraid to release yourself from something that isn’t working. In fact in the Awakening card as well, we see beings lifting off the ground, releasing themselves from contracts, soul patterns, and experiences and beliefs that no longer resonate with us. We also have Pray, which does not mean you need to necessarily be religious, however you can turn to any form of higher power now or even just set intentions for how you would like to continue. I see this reading as 3 parts, the first being the past situation which you may or may not have left yet, next the period of time in between which you are being called to take some time to retreat, to rest and reflect. Many cards in this reading are asking you to be gentle on yourself, and take some time to truly figure out what you want so that you can continue forward into a new beautiful chapter of your life. It may be that you found yourself in a new unexpected situation from some form of loss, and you have been struggling to move forward. New Moon in Aries calls us forward into the third phase of this reading, it is time to take action. Leave the past behind that is no longer serving you and with a lot of Earth energy in this reading, you are being asked to take practical steps towards the future, even if it might take longer than you’d hope. The Divine Order oracle card is here to remind you that as upsetting as this situation may be, it is happening for a reason. Even if you are unable to see the reasons at this point, you will someday look back on this experience and be so grateful that you stepped away and took the opportunity to try something new. As this is a general reading, it can apply to a number of different situations, so take this how it resonates. However, there is a bright new future coming for you. And while you wait for that to arrive, take this time to relax, take care of yourself, and prepare for the new opportunities coming into your life. 

Pile 2 - Silver Pumpkin

Cards in this reading:

Visions of Life Beyond Death

Take Back Your Power!

Relationship Harmony

New Moon - A new start is coming!

Full Moon in Virgo - You are good enough

Council of Light - Divine orchestration. Helpers in the subtle realms.

Protection - Call back your power. Cut the cords. Soul retrieval. 

Awakening - Energetic upgrades. A new way of being. Integration.

Action Cards: Apologize, Prepare, Move On

Strength

Ace of Pentacles

The Magician

Two of Cups

Three of Swords

Hi Pile 2! There seem to be some similar messages in this reading as Pile 1, so if you resonated with that one as well, you can check it out too! First we have Visions of Life Beyond Death which is the last card in the Sacred Rebels Oracle deck. You are being given the opportunity to truly see now, something is finally coming into perspective or you may have learned a new piece of information that changes the situation for you. Both Pile 1 and Pile 2 have the Awakening card, and New Moon also matches the main message of Pile 1. You are entering into a new situation now, or possibly a new chapter of a situation you were already in. With the Council of Light you are being reminded that there are spirits and light beings helping you in this journey and you do not need to do this alone. Relationship Harmony also lets you know that something in your personal relationships now, whether that is work, family, romantic etc. is being healed. This could have to do with the mercury retrograde we are currently in which is ending on November 3rd, so around that date you may start to see some new aspects of this relationship beginning, or returning back to an old situation that hasn’t been happening for a while. With the message Apologize, this may be the time to have a deep conversation with somehow who you’ve hurt by your words or actions over the last month. I do see an improvement in communication and I think that the message card Move On is more about you moving forward past this with this person, and not moving on from the person themselves, however that may resonate for you in one way or another. We do have the card Protection as well as the card Take Back Your Power!, both of which encourage you to leave the past behind and don’t let yourself get walked over by another person. If you’ve been giving away your power too much lately, it’s time to think about why that is happening and what you can do to stop. Full Moon in Virgo reminds you that you are good enough to have the situation or the relationship of your dreams, and if you have found yourself in a time when you are moving on from something or someone, there is a new start coming for you. There are lots of powerful energies in the tarot cards. Strength and The Magician also talk about power, and I feel this is suggesting that with strength and perseverance, anything is possible. The Two of Cups suggests that you may have been in a relationship with someone which may have ended in a painful heartbreak or rejection like the Three of Swords. However the Ace of Pentacles represents manifestation and new opportunities, so if a new positive relationship is what you’re seeking, that may very well be in your future. If not, you may be entering into a new position of prosperity financially, or just overall this time of awakening, where you leave the past behind and really start to see what is important for you.

Pile 3 - White Pumpkin

Cards in this reading: 

Heaven Sent

Patience

All Is Well

Cardinal Moon - Be bold and make the first move 

New Moon in Taurus - Prosperity lies ahead

Pleiades - Double mission. Channeling and uplifting humanity. 

Warrior Woman - Have you answered your deepest calling?

Get Grounded - Empaths. Highly sensitives. Connect with Nature. 

Grow, Build, Respect

The Hanged Man

Eight of Cups

Four of Cups

The Unknown Card

Two of Cups

Hi Pile 3! If you’ve looked at the other piles by any chance, I just want to point out how much the Sacred Oracle Card (the main top card) from each pile matches with the pumpkin in that group. Just one of the cool things I notice when doing readings :) There is a lot of interesting energy in this reading. We start with Heaven Sent, a beautiful card about receiving a gift from the universe. This may have been something you’ve been wanting for a long time, or maybe something that you were not even expecting. Either way, it feels like this gift is even better than you could have imagined. Something you didn’t even know to ask for. I do feel like you’ve been making some conscious effort though to bring your dreams into fruition. With the Patience Card as well as the Hanged Man, you’ve been patient for a while, taking your time. This could also be saying that if you haven’t been feeling very patient lately, and considering giving up, to not do so just yet. All is Well tells you that everything is happening for a reason. However if you’ve been waiting for quite some time, this may be an opportunity for you to be bold and make the first move. You don’t have to sit back and let everything just come to you, there are some actions that you can take, for example grounding yourself through connecting to nature or other spiritual practices. With Pleiades and Warrior Woman (can be for any gender identity), you have been called to Earth in this life for a reason. You have a purpose, so do not give up just yet. You yourself are Heaven Sent. You are here on a mission and with the New Moon in Taurus, it is clear that your efforts will not go unnoticed. Prosperity lies ahead and you will be rewarded. There’s a lot of Cups /Water energy in the tarot Pile 3, so I do see that emotions may play a large role in this. You may have been doing quite a bit of reflecting on your life lately; spending a lot of time on your own. With The Unknown Card and The Hanged Man, you may have had to go through a period of hanging in suspension, being unaware of the outcome. However, the next card Two of Cups which came up in Pile 2 as well, shows that there is someone out there for you if you’ve been feeling lonely. There is a relationship or a situation that will match with you and that you will be rewarded with from the universe. If you’ve struggled to find your right career, it is coming for you. If you’ve struggled with relationships in the past, a healthy relationship is coming for you. This is heaven sent, this is happening for a reason, and with just a little more patience all of your dreams will begin to manifest. Dream big and know that the universe may just surprise you. Don’t close yourself off now to something different, as it may be that this is something you never knew you needed. The universe is guiding you in the right direction and it is alright now to allow these things to happen, however you need to put in a little more time or effort towards your goals. 

~

I hope that you enjoyed your reading and if you did please make sure to like and share this post! This is a very sacred and important time as we are honoring those who have passed. Be aware of any messages you may receive in your dreams as the veils are thin now. Tonight, I will be heading to the beach to see the full moon in Taurus and I will make sure to add any good pictures I get to this post! Have an amazing Halloween and Samhain and I wish everyone good luck in the next month of November!

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Amelia

Jac: [So the vibe is evidently just showing up at the pre-drinks at this gfs house, we'll have to be some level of wasted to have the nerve so from the off it's a mood lol] Amelia: [a select gathering of the gays that you weren't invited too, but it's okay because Amelia can't throw you out when everyone else is like yeah come through] Jac: [literally you'd have to make such a drama and that's not you and also no one knows why you stopped being besties so it clearly appears chill from the outside, I vote the club should be a gay one so you have to commit to that hen] Amelia: [agreed because clearly her gf has planned this because Amelia's plan was to go and get that haircut and outfit with her mum so] Jac: [too pure for this bitch, we all know this is just an excuse for her to party like any other night really, which is rude, do something special but no, at least you're simply that hoe so it's not like we even have to work hard here, the flirting is blatant] Amelia: [it hurts my heart because you know Jamelia would have gone IN for each other's birthdays] Jac: [and her last one was start of transition year so they would've still been friends, AND it was her 16th so it would've been really poppin'] Amelia: [brb sobbing] Jac: [thank god jac is also miserable and only pretending to be living her best life or this would be even ruder] Amelia: [and thank god Amelia isn't in love with this gal] Jac: [and that lmao] Jac: [to me it should be like they just straight up make out on the dance floor 'cos her girlfriend is the 'its not a big deal omg!' type but even if it weren't, it is because it's Jac] Amelia: [hence when Amelia loses it it's Jac she's shouting at and being like how could you do this to me etc not her gf] Jac: [mhmm mHM we all know she's barely speaking at this point so she's not gonna say anything and your gf will be going off 'cos she looks the gobby type so you can slap her if you need babe lol] Amelia: [she so is the gobby type, Amelia just straight up dismissing her because this isn't about you babe I gotta scream at Jac rn thank you] Jac: [meanwhile we're just trying to walk away like the audacity] Amelia: [literally like SAY SOMETHING! because is there anything more frustrating than when someone won't react and you're literally 💔] Jac: [there is not, just shouting 'I'M SORRY' ala Tracy because we do not sound sorry at all but she is never a loud person so everyone else is gonna be shook like damn] Amelia: [your aunt Cass would be proud of that, but Amelia just gonna walk away] Jac: [good lord go home gal, or at least a different club lol, also like to point out she has a September birthday so also would've been after Savannah left so that would've been cheery lol] Amelia: [nice parallel because we know Amelia's walking home but fuck knows how far it would be, we're not at Erin's house now hens] Jac: [I'm sure you don't live right in town, your fam seems a suburb type so that'll be a nice trek, you poor bitch] Amelia: [just sobbing the whole time probably, even though she's not a crier like Savannah is] Jac: [you'd have to have a cry, if Jac hadn't gone catatonic as a defence mechanism, she would be too] Amelia: [which is why we're not getting our parents to pick us up because don't wanna be sobbing to this degree in front of them and her mum already hates the gf so we don't want the I told you so either] Amelia: [plus her mum probably thinks she's over Jac by now because we downplaying things forever] Jac: [parents can only be so much of a MVP at this age] Amelia: [I think when they see each other again it should be another argument that turns into Amelia kissing her because that's a trope for a reason] Jac: [yes, you are both owed it without the audience tbh] Amelia: [like I have no idea where they are when that happens, are you gonna show up on her doorstep to have another argument or what gal lol] Jac: [maybe you had somewhere you went together, idk where or what vibe, so you know she's gonna be there, even if it's just a different club and you're outside angsting] Amelia: [ooh excellent, yeah there's any number of places that could be 'theirs' you've known each other long enough] Jac: [precisely, it can be as everyday and unspecial or the opposite as we'd like, Dublin centre is not that big it's not insane to suggest] Amelia: [when do you think that is, clearly pretty soon after because the emotions have gotta be high] Jac: [yeah, sooner rather than later, like we did this for a reason and like you said, it's too frustrating when someone won't react to you] Amelia: [literally could be the next day/night I'd believe it] Jac: [i literally thought you meant the same night so yes i agree lol] Amelia: [omg that's even better tbh] Jac: like you turn round like AND ANOTHER THING, tensions are beyond that high] Amelia: [exactly] Jac: [at least Amelia is angry enough to break it off 'cos the levels of fucks you don't give rn about anything] Amelia: [yeah she's angry and sad enough to be like ffs what am I doing and actually go home] Jac: [thanks babe, we all know it happens but don't need it to literally look like 2nd choice to your hoe gf 'cos it ain't that] Amelia: [how am I gonna start a convo from here because I clearly am lol] Jac: [thank god you both drunk, I can do it if you want] Amelia: [go ahead if you think you can boo] Jac: you home safe Amelia: no, I'm dead in a ditch Jac: great Amelia: it'll make life easier for you, yeah Jac: my life couldn't be any rosier Amelia: 🥀🥀🥀 Jac: glad to see your flare for the dramatic ain't died in that ditch with you Jac: flair, which one Jac: idk Amelia: you took that over from me, remember Amelia: you really fucking did Jac: aren't you impressed Amelia: if you'd got there earlier you could've pushed me out of the way to blow the candles out on the cake my mum bought too Jac: you don't wanna be kids no more? Jac: could've said sooner Amelia: she's not a doll, she just wants to look like one Jac: who? Amelia: the girlfriend you wanted to share so badly Jac: oh her Jac: bride of chucky maybe Amelia: you did scare everyone with your apology Amelia: very exorcist-ish Jac: I was going for Carrie Jac: oh well Jac: still a better match than you two ain't it Amelia: oh you were trying to win a prom queen sash with acts of charity Amelia: I get it Jac: shouldn't you be throwing all this shade at her Amelia: wait, I'll add her in Jac: ha Jac: go ahead Amelia: she won't accept, sorry Amelia: I did try Jac: devastating Amelia: are you home safe? Jac: yeah Amelia: you do have the 👿👹👺👻 inside protecting you, I guess Jac: its always got a home inside me Amelia: well yeah, you don't ever kiss anyone long enough for it to transfer hosts Jac: you'll wanna get rid of the girlfriend then Jac: before you get infected Amelia: you already did that for me, such a good 🥳🎂🎁 Jac: couldn't think what else to get ya Amelia: 💐? Amelia: no? Jac: thought she might have beat me to it Jac: made a bit of an effort Amelia: she wanted me, that's all I needed Jac: past tense Jac: and that's definitely not the first time she's done that Amelia: what do you care? Jac: you think this is how i'd show it if I did Amelia: I try not to think about you anymore Jac: there's no need to make yourself sound stupid in the process Amelia: not when you're there to make me look it Jac: you'll get another girlfriend Amelia: because that's what is ripping my heart out about this Jac: that's your problem Amelia: stay the fuck away from me Amelia: if you'd done that I wouldn't have a problem Jac: I plan on it Jac: done what I needed to do Amelia: great Jac: enjoy what's left of your big day then Jac: have some 🎂 Amelia: you've made sure I can't Amelia: where's Savannah Moore with a 👏 emoji when you need her? Jac: Sligo Jac: last I heard Amelia: those poor country lads Jac: you've never cared about any lad a day in your life Jac: you can just admit you miss her Amelia: 😂 Jac: hilarious Amelia: not really Amelia: but I physically can't cry any more, I must be dehydrated Jac: unsurprising Jac: me either Amelia: 🍾🥂 Amelia: have a nice life then Amelia: probably leave tonight out of your achievements during the uni interviews Jac: nah Jac: diversity and adversity is all the rage Amelia: that's why I'll be mentioning it Jac: you're welcome x2 Amelia: 🙌 Jac: you sure she don't wanna join Jac: 'cos she's annoying me Amelia: I don't care what she wants or feel sorry for you Jac: yeah Jac: then tell her that Jac: not relaying your message Amelia: I have Jac: she's a liar too, makes sense Amelia: you're well suited Jac: besides the obvious Amelia: that you've done what you needed to do, yeah Amelia: tell her that Jac: I have Jac: not my fault she's so thick she only understands actions Amelia: if she's been messaging you since the 💋 you'll have had time to tell her everything I didn't Amelia: even if it has to be via charades Jac: the fact I didn't fuck her is all the information she's getting from me Amelia: the dancefloor's a bit public even for her Amelia: but maybe she'll be willing to break the rules for you, that's what people do Jac: let's not pretend it was about her Jac: only room for one delusional person in a relationship, don't you know? Amelia: you're ready for that, are you? Amelia: I don't know anything about relationships as it turns out Jac: first cut is the deepest Amelia: if you're going to sing, it's meant to be Happy Birthday Jac: yeah, you wish Amelia: I only got the one and I've already used it Jac: don't tell or it won't come true Amelia: I don't remember it now anyway Jac: bullshit Amelia: if it was 💇🏻 related it definitely didn't come true Jac: you didn't get a fringe Amelia: I still hate it Jac: it's not why you got cheated on Amelia: thanks, that makes me feel loads better about 👧🏻 Amelia: can you just take the posts down please Jac: I dunno Amelia: Jac Jac: fuck sake Jac: one thing Amelia: just do it Jac: then that's it Jac: there's your present, I don't owe you nothing Amelia: no, then that's it because I don't want anything to do with you Amelia: it doesn't make us even Jac: I don't give a shit about being even with you Jac: I win Jac: end of Amelia: it's not a fucking game Jac: you're the only one not playing Amelia: so leave me out of it Jac: that's another favour Jac: pick one Amelia: fuck you Jac: i'm keeping the pictures up then Amelia: enjoy your win Jac: naturally Amelia: 👏👏👏 Jac: you aren't her Amelia: you aren't you Amelia: it still doesn't make us even Jac: maybe you never knew me Jac: we weren't friends, after-all Amelia: there's no maybe about it, if we were ever friends you wouldn't treat me like this Jac: nothing is as simple as you'd like it to be Jac: but sure Amelia: you really hurt me again, it's that simple Amelia: and this time it was deliberate Jac: and you don't hurt the people you love Jac: grow up, Amelia Amelia: not like that Jac: that's easier for you Amelia: what about ANY of this is easy for me? Amelia: you told me to try, I did Amelia: now what? Jac: it isn't my responsibility to worry about that Jac: you figure it out Amelia: I had it figured out and you tore it down Amelia: take some fucking responsibility for that Jac: what, with your shit girlfriend who doesn't give a fuck about you Jac: that was wrecked before I got there Jac: deal with that Amelia: you wrecked me before she got there Amelia: I still think about you all the time, miss you all the time Amelia: and I do have to deal with that, all the time Jac: and I've got nothing to deal with Amelia: of course you do Amelia: happy people don't gatecrash and ruin other people's birthdays Jac: then you'll forgive me for not feeling sorry for you Amelia: I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I want you to be sorry for what you just did Jac: you want a lot Amelia: not this time Amelia: it's bare minimum Jac: I'm happy to disappoint and leave you wanting Amelia: then you win again Amelia: congratulations Jac: yipee Amelia: Don't contact me again unless you're got something to say that means something Jac: fine Amelia: you sound faker than Savannah could ever Amelia: it'd be impressive if it worked Jac: have I contacted you before now? Amelia: that doesn't matter because today you did Jac: today I ruined your relationship and birthday Jac: then I asked if you got home Amelia: yeah, and that all means something Jac: it means I wanted to fuck up your life Amelia: at least that wish came true Jac: there's always shooting stars and eyelashes when there isn't candles Amelia: there isn't a quick fix for this Jac: there's no fix Jac: there's only out and it's still 2 fucking years away Amelia: you were supposed to give me time, that's supposed to be one Jac: well I didn't feel like it today Amelia: clearly Jac: get over it Amelia: I'm not even through it, it literally just happened Jac: I'm not apologising, I can't be any clearer Amelia: then don't Amelia: I didn't know how to beg you when we were friends, I can't do it with this version of you Jac: Done? Amelia: I was done before I actually got home Jac: Well I've not gone home Jac: so we both lied there then Amelia: Where have you gone? Jac: what's it to you? Amelia: I don't want what happened to Is to happen to you, or worse Amelia: I care about you Jac: it won't Amelia: I'm calling your parents Jac: maybe I've told them you're obsessed with me already Amelia: maybe but it's still ringing Amelia: they can decide what they want to do Jac: you're such a snitch Amelia: because I really care what you think of me right now Jac: nah, just hope it makes you feel good about yourself worrying my parents for nothing Amelia: I don't feel good about myself because of you Amelia: your parents are irrelevant to me Jac: we've got that in common then Amelia: they're probably going to want to talk to you and I don't so goodnight Jac: Bold of you to think I'd answer Jac: but it is a reason to turn my phone off so yeah Jac: later Amelia: you're really 😎 we get it Jac: that's what I'm doing Jac: you're so smart Amelia: it's why you want to keep the pics up Amelia: like a 🏆 Jac: i wanna keep em up so you have to see them Amelia: I don't have to see them, I've already blocked you both Jac: 😂 Amelia: What's funny? Jac: 🤡😥 would've been more applicable, perhaps Amelia: probably Jac: you can pal up with Is again, she's up for it Amelia: yeah because I really want to drag her into whatever 🎪 you've started up between us Jac: you're so considerate Amelia: something really fucked up happened to her, you were there, don't act like you don't remember Jac: and you weren't there Amelia: I know that Jac: then you don't get to say shit to me about it Amelia: I'm not, I'm saying this isn't about Is Jac: when is it ever Jac: poor girl Amelia: stop it Jac: you walked out on her Jac: she didn't have enough daddy issues? Amelia: I walked out on you Jac: same difference Amelia: you said you'd let me Jac: and I did Amelia: until now Jac: you're only 17 once Jac: it's not going to happen again Amelia: it shouldn't have happened at all Jac: should woulda coulda Amelia: promise me that this is it Jac: I don't fancy your girlfriend Jac: kissing her was bad enough Amelia: I mean, promise me that I don't have to look over my shoulder for the next 2 years in case you decide that you want to ruin my life again Amelia: because I can't Jac: Amelia Amelia: I'm serious, I'll leave school before I let you do this to me for a third time Jac: I'm not in a position to be making promises about anything, to anyone Jac: I'll try Amelia: okay Jac: just Jac: I don't know Jac: never mind Amelia: you're scaring me, you know Amelia: I should've made you promise not to do any reckless shit back then instead of the other way round Jac: everyone's scared Jac: they say it like I can change it Amelia: I thought I was doing the right thing but everything just keeps getting worse Amelia: for me, you and Is Amelia: even for Savannah, Sligo for fuck's sake Jac: even if you'd done it different Jac: I'd still have done the same Jac: it still would've all happened Amelia: what are you going to do now? Jac: nothing matters now Amelia: you matter Amelia: to me Amelia: come to my 🏠 I'll call your parents back Jac: we're not doing this again Jac: no Jac: it's bad enough i have people in my life i can't get rid of Amelia: we're not doing anything Jac: stop caring about me Amelia: I can't Jac: how much more do I have to ruin your life Amelia: you have ruined it, that doesn't mean I want you to be dead in a ditch Jac: all I'm going to do is break your heart over and over and then I'm going to leave forever Amelia: tonight it's already broken and that's all I'm talking about Amelia: take the guest bedroom Jac: no Jac: because then my family will just think we're friends again and that I'm fine Jac: I'll go home, okay, just stop Amelia: if you stop lying, I'll stop this Jac: I'll send you proof, for fuck's sake Amelia: okay Jac: fine Amelia: [we're just waiting for that pic like] Jac: [however long this is gonna take, at least you're probably a bit more central, the most begrudging pic of the front door lmao] Amelia: no, put your outfit in it so I know it wasn't stored on your phone Jac: 'cos I just have pictures of my door Jac: [but does, some weird angle to not get your face in] Jac: haven't got a newspaper, so sorry Amelia: if you hadn't stopped the party early, they might have been delivered Jac: it was a crap party anyway Jac: she hadn't even booked a table Amelia: Yeah Jac: at least you can have a better girlfriend for your 18th Amelia: can I? Are you going to let me Jac: probably not Jac: but if she's less easy to ruin then there's nothing I can do about that Amelia: you'd have to try something else, that's all Jac: obviously Jac: I'm still smart Amelia: I'm not giving you a compliment Jac: I'm not saying I'm not going to ruin your chances at happiness Amelia: it's not like I need you to Amelia: SO capable on my own Jac: it's not taking credit if you're making excuses for me Jac: but alright Amelia: I'm talking about the 💇🏻 which you can't take credit for Jac: it suits you Amelia: that is the most hurtful thing you've ever said Amelia: take it back Jac: it's also true Jac: and you wanted me to stop lying Amelia: 😒 Jac: at least you don't look like every other girl now Amelia: you think I did before? Amelia: also that's because no other girl wants to look like 👧🏻 Jac: I mean everyone has the same hair Jac: you stand out more Amelia: you don't Jac: well I'm special, obviously Amelia: I know Jac: 🙄 Amelia: 😉 Jac: you're an idiot Jac: Jude better be at a sleepover Amelia: her hair stands out Jac: you should tell her that Jac: she'll be so glad her attention-seeking doesn't go unnoticed Amelia: she think I'm flirting with her so no Jac: oh yeah Jac: you're a predatory lesbian now Amelia: I kissed you Jac: after I kissed your girlfriend Amelia: you don't fancy her Amelia: that wasn't why you did it Jac: she fancies herself enough Amelia: So does Savannah, that wasn't a problem for you Jac: don't talk about her Amelia: sure, I wouldn't want to upset you Amelia: what's the point being 💔 if you're not the saddest Jac: she's gone, there's no point talking about her Amelia: my parents know hers, she's not gone from dinner table conversation at my 🏠 Jac: sucks for you then Amelia: sucks more for her that she's been sent to catholic school Jac: Catholic school? Amelia: yeah, her dad had that brainwave Jac: that is unfortunate Jac: probably a better school than ours though, so she'll be thrilled Amelia: it's my dad's favourite joke threat now Jac: at least you could avoid me Amelia: true, I should call his bluff and take him up on it next time Jac: go for it Jac: it's only me that has to write off this shit school on her uni app Amelia: the rest of your app will more than make up for it Jac: that's the plan Amelia: exactly, so it's not technically a compliment Jac: you're shit at this Amelia: thanks Jac: no, that really wasn't a compliment Jac: not one of your not technicallys Amelia: 😏 Jac: did you get a car Jac: I bet you got a car Amelia: [a picture of it because why not say she did] Jac: just got to pass now Jac: then you can go where you like Amelia: then I can runaway Jac: nah Jac: they'd take you off their insurance and you'd be fucked Amelia: because I'd never drive without insurance Jac: the police would be frantically looking for you as is Jac: that's always how murderers get caught out Amelia: 🤫 you're ruining this too Jac: you fantasize on your own time Amelia: this is my own time, you're home safe Amelia: I don't owe you my full attention now that your 👅 isn't in my ex girlfriend's mouth Jac: have you kissed anyone else Amelia: no Jac: do you regret it being her Amelia: it wasn't you, that's what I regret Amelia: but it couldn't be so Jac: yeah Jac: at least it was a girl Amelia: I'm not stupid enough to kiss any boys Jac: some just call it heterosexual Amelia: and I'm not so it'd be stupid for me Jac: alright Amelia: but I should probably kiss more girls Jac: why should you Amelia: because she'll think all the wrong things if I don't Jac: true Jac: I thought you didn't care about what people thought though Amelia: I'm going to have to find new friends from somewhere Jac: don't you gays stick together Amelia: she sticks with them and I don't want to see her Jac: you move fast Amelia: I don't really have a choice, do I? Jac: I don't need friends Amelia: handy since you don't have any Jac: that's why I don't Amelia: yeah, because you only care about what you need Jac: duh Amelia: did you ever care about me? Jac: don't be stupid Amelia: did you ever care about me when it wasn't because you needed something? Jac: what kind of question is that Amelia: one I need the answer to Jac: we were friends forever Jac: what did I get from it half the time Jac: no more than you did or didn't Amelia: okay Jac: that was a dick move making me answer that when you already knew Amelia: I didn't know Amelia: whenever I talk to you I end up with more questions than answers Amelia: and end up questioning my sanity Jac: you don't need to Jac: your work here is done Amelia: you can't tell me what to do when you don't even do what you said you were going to Jac: so you're going to continue to make a bad decision, just to be awkward Jac: that's smart Amelia: because you have such good reasons for doing what you did earlier Jac: 'course I do Amelia: go on then Amelia: tell me them Jac: already did Jac: I wanted to fuck it up for you Jac: felt great Amelia: there's smarter ways to feel good, and easier Jac: I've tried those Amelia: oh well I loved being your little experiment, thanks Jac: whatever Jac: it needed to be done Amelia: no it didn't Amelia: you keep saying that Jac: you don't get it Amelia: I don't buy into your fake bullshit, no, and that's all you've given me all night Jac: what's fucking fake about the fact I can't stand to have anyone around me happy? Jac: there's nothing fake about misery being the only thing I can stomach now Amelia: you didn't break up your parents or ruin your brother's music career, you sought me out when I haven't even been around you Amelia: you're full of shit Jac: trust me, I'm doing my best Jac: and you're full of shit if you're now trying to say you don't see me every day Jac: and that it isn't the fucking worst Amelia: I thought it was, until you did this Amelia: now I can say today was the worst Amelia: you're so fucking selfish and cruel Jac: nothing has changed Jac: I sped up your inevitable break-up, that's it Amelia: no, you went out of your way to hurt and humiliate me Amelia: everything has changed Jac: if you say so Jac: it wasn't the first time for me Amelia: who are you? Jac: it doesn't matter Amelia: who the fuck are you? Jac: I don't know, Amelia Jac: alright Amelia: you can't treat people like this Jac: then tell everyone what I did Jac: I don't care Jac: you could've done something about it Amelia: what did you want me to do? Jac: I thought you might put up more of a fight Amelia: for what? Against what? Jac: because I humiliated you Amelia: it wasn't the first time for me either Jac: never like that Amelia: I'm not going to fight you Jac: your loss Amelia: I keep telling you, I care about you, I don't want to hurt you Jac: I wish you'd stop Amelia: I wish I could Jac: yeah Jac: well Amelia: it's my loss, like you said Jac: don't worry, I've got my own Amelia: that makes me feel loads better Jac: it should Amelia: it doesn't Jac: you're infuriating Amelia: says you Amelia: I'm so angry at you Jac: because I wanted you to be Jac: that's the correct response Amelia: no, because I love you too much to hate you Amelia: because it won't go away Amelia: and I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my fucking life no matter what you do Jac: I don't have the answer Jac: If I could make you stop then I would Jac: but I don't know how Amelia: me either Jac: there's nothing I can do if you don't hate me by now Jac: I dropped you for Savannah Jac: I did everything I did tonight Amelia: I was there, I don't need you to recap Jac: I couldn't have made it easier Amelia: there's something wrong with me, there must be Jac: not as bad as me Amelia: my mum said at the time that I fell in love with you years ago and I can't expect to fall out of it in a few weeks or months Jac: logic adds up Amelia: she thinks I'm over it now so clearly not Jac: you probably said you were Jac: or near enough Amelia: the girlfriend thing kind of said it for me Jac: yeah well Jac: I've had loads of boyfriends Amelia: you're not in love with me Jac: I meant it doesn't mean anything, necessarily Amelia: yeah Amelia: my mum is more old fashioned though Amelia: romantic or whatever Jac: more romantic than your girlfriend, yeah Amelia: 🙄 Jac: she wasn't good enough for you anyway Amelia: I'm not good enough for anyone Amelia: I'm literally still in love with someone else who isn't them Jac: it isn't that simple Jac: you can feel things for more than one person Jac: you just, didn't for her and she wasn't worth it Amelia: maybe other people can but I don't Jac: how would you know Jac: it just hasn't happened yet Amelia: I'm too self aware if anything Jac: that's some lesbian nonsense Amelia: I'll put it in my bio then Jac: tinder Amelia: I'm not kissing that many girls, she'll definitely think all the wrong things Jac: be kicking herself, like Jac: or is it only okay when she does it Amelia: probably Jac: just like a lad Amelia: 😣 Jac: awh Amelia: I can't be bothered Jac: with girls? Amelia: I'm not trying anymore, you didn't keep your promises anyway Jac: what does that mean? Amelia: it means I don't care, my life can stay the mess you wanted it to be Jac: alright Jac: not like I can turn around and say 'no don't' now Amelia: and if you turn around you won't see me Jac: what? Amelia: school, I'm not doing it either Jac: shut up Amelia: online maybe so my dad doesn't rage Jac: that's bullshit Amelia: so is this Jac: no, fuck you Amelia: 😂 Jac: so you all get to fucking leave and I'm the one stuck dealing Jac: nah Amelia: I've got nothing to stay for Jac: it's school, no one does Jac: jesus Amelia: you said yourself it sucks having to see me every day Amelia: I'm doing you a favour Jac: you are ridiculous Jac: you think you can just run away like this is some shit indie song Amelia: I've tried the alternative Amelia: it didn't go great Jac: you think Savannah is bad? at least her parents made her go Jac: you're such a spoilt brat Amelia: I don't think about Savannah Jac: you don't think about anything Jac: christ Amelia: your audacity is another level Jac: your stupidity is worse Amelia: yeah, I've proved that loads of times over Jac: fucking hell Jac: your life is so hard, Meelie, yeah Jac: everyone thinks its my fault, what happened to Is Jac: and the more she says otherwise, the more it sounds like it was Amelia: no they don't, I don't Jac: well you love me so you're clearly insane and a bit biased Amelia: even if I hated you I'd still know that you weren't the one who assaulted her Amelia: it's his fault, nobody else's Jac: me and Sav still ran like we had something to hide Jac: that's all anyone cares about, working out what Amelia: you were scared, in shock probably Amelia: you felt like it was your fault Amelia: that doesn't mean it was Jac: all I know is she's fucked off, no one will say anything to Is, so it's all down to me, whatever people wanna say or think about it Jac: so yeah, sorry I think your idea is fucking laughable but been there, done that Jac: didn't solve anything, it only made the rest worse Amelia: I know it's a stupid idea, alright Jac: you can't go, alright, you just can't Amelia: you know I'll fight the whole school before I'd ever fight you Amelia: I'll do it for you too, if that will help Jac: Yeah, I do Jac: nothing will help but Jac: at least you're still here Jac: nothing else is the same Amelia: I'll be in detention every day for the next 2 years if that's what it takes to shut people up Jac: I don't deserve it Jac: or anything but hate from you, and I do fucking know that Amelia: you don't deserve to get the blame for being there and being her friend Amelia: I should've been too Amelia: and after it happened we should've talked Jac: maybe it's just karma Jac: I've never been a good friend to her and by the time it happened Jac: well Jac: I made you leave Amelia: I ruined our friend so I had to leave Amelia: *ship Amelia: that's not your fault either Jac: maybe it is Amelia: it's not Amelia: I shouldn't have told you how I felt Amelia: or been jealous of Savannah Amelia: or made such a big deal about the date you went on Jac: no Jac: I get it Jac: you weren't wrong Amelia: I did the wrong thing by leaving you and Is Jac: I couldn't wish the alternative on you Jac: having to stick around and watch Amelia: I still had to watch Amelia: I couldn't go that far Jac: I know it's my fault because it happened again Amelia: what? Jac: Savannah Jac: I kissed her Amelia: I don't understand Jac: you should have been jealous of her Jac: I mean Jac: you know what I mean Amelia: you mean you felt something for her Jac: I didn't want to feel any of it Jac: but she was straight and you weren't so having her around was meant to be easier Amelia: why didn't you just tell me? Amelia: you lied and lied and made me feel crazy Jac: because I feel crazy Jac: I fucking am Jac: I just Jac: it's not like I left that conversation and told her Jac: I kept on and got with lads and pretended to like it, tried to Amelia: everything you said, everything you did Amelia: oh my god Amelia: I can't Amelia: I can't take this in Jac: like I said, it's fucking karma Jac: I fucked it with you and it happened to me Amelia: I'm supposed to feel what, that she queerbaited you? Happy? validated? Jac: I don't know Jac: probably Amelia: did you know how you felt about her when I told you how I felt? Jac: why? Amelia: because you told me over and over again that you liked boys and you'd change that if you could Jac: yes, and I told her the same thing Jac: and I acted accordingly Amelia: I've spent so long feeling horrible for putting you in that position and none of it was real Jac: it was real Jac: I don't want to be Jac: I want to be straight Amelia: it isn't a choice Amelia: and you can't just twist everything to make it one Jac: acting or not acting on it is Amelia: so why did you choose to act on it by kissing her, if that's what you think? Jac: it was a mistake Jac: when we left Jac: after Is Jac: and it was just us Jac: then it destroyed everything and she's literally run away Amelia: and then you destroyed what was left after she'd gone Jac: yes Amelia: great Jac: I'm aware Amelia: are you? Amelia: for years I thought things were one way only to be told they weren't and now you're telling me an entirely different story again Amelia: 🤯 Jac: because we don't live in the ideal world where I accept myself for liking girls and I choose the right one and we live happily ever after Jac: we live in the world where I kissed Savannah and she looked at me like I was the boy who assaulted Isabelle Jac: and that's how I feel about it, and I would rather pretend to be straight forever, and have no real friends again, than have to do that, and feel that disgust again Amelia: we live in a world that doesn't revolve around Savannah fucking Moore Amelia: because she doesn't accept you, you can't accept yourself? No Jac: it's not her fault Jac: the rules don't make no fucking sense Jac: do you know how often she told me she loved me, how beautiful I was, and smart and perfect and kind, that she wanted me in her life forever? Jac: but that doesn't mean she wants to kiss me Amelia: that's why it literally is her fault Amelia: she flirted with you more than I EVER have, or would dare to openly do because I would get called a predatory lesbian and she gets likes and follows Jac: but she meant it Jac: I know she did Jac: that's just friendship to her Jac: it's too confusing Amelia: you want her to have meant it the same way you did, like I wanted you to with me Jac: but I did Jac: I lied Jac: so I know it doesn't make a difference now Jac: but still, you weren't wrong and I did, I am, whatever Jac: it was shitty to lie, I know, I accept it Jac: but she meant it all but she is straight...how does that work Amelia: I don't know Amelia: straight people are weird Jac: I don't want to find that relatable Jac: I want to be normal Amelia: I'm not abnormal, shut up Jac: fine, straight Jac: I don't want to ever have to think about this ever again Amelia: why do you want it so bad? Jac: so I don't feel like this Jac: the not knowing Jac: how much it hurts Jac: boys are easy, I told you Amelia: because you don't like them Amelia: if you were straight you'd get hurt just the same Amelia: you said it, Valentina's no different than a lad Jac: lads just like me Jac: I've never kissed any lad and had them recoil Amelia: they liked me too, it doesn't mean I had to like them back Jac: I mean it's not the same Jac: if a lad didn't like me, he'd have reasons Amelia: loads of girls like you too, I was friends with them for a bit, I heard all that gossip Amelia: Savannah's reason is that she doesn't like girls, any of them Jac: but she loves me Jac: more than she ever did Ty, I fucking know it Amelia: not like that, like Is loved us Jac: I can't stand it Amelia: I know Jac: you know I am sorry Jac: don't you Amelia: yeah Jac: you just had come so far and had done so much work Jac: it wasn't fair Jac: what I did wasn't, but it wouldn't have been to act on it, when I wanted so badly to be straight, for everything I did tell you to be true Amelia: no, I was in exactly the same place that we left each other in Amelia: you're not the only one who can lie Jac: I'm just so sorry but that's worth fuck all Jac: I hate how stupid all of it seems now Jac: redundant Jac: but that's close to a fair punishment, I suppose Amelia: you've already been punished Amelia: and sorry always means something when it's a real one Jac: I feel Jac: I don't Jac: I'm broken Jac: I don't even want to be a person now Amelia: I don't want to find that relatable Amelia: but it is Jac: fuck's sake Jac: see, why would I choose this? Jac: even if they're weird, this never happens to straight people Amelia: of course it does Amelia: Savannah's parents are fucked Jac: just because they don't love each other no more Jac: when they got together, I'm sure they both knew Amelia: still, her mum's so broken she's barely a person Jac: all I'm saying is we're getting dangerously close to comparing being gay to a mental illness Jac: which is what homophobes say and I'm not trying to be the confirmation Amelia: it's not being gay, it's loving the wrong person Amelia: there are happy gays, I've met some Amelia: and your brother isn't being held back by it Jac: don't get me started Amelia: Jude's love life is messier than his Amelia: more dramatic Jac: he'll end up with a girl Amelia: you don't know that Jac: wait and see Amelia: yeah, I'll stalk him from afar like a fangirl Amelia: 🤢 Jac: it's not the same either Amelia: you love a competition Jac: yeah, this is so much fun Jac: him and Jude are the same Jac: it doesn't mean anything to them, so they aren't getting hurt Jac: they don't care, it's not serious Amelia: you've got me, we're very much the same Amelia: in this anyway Jac: I don't want to love anyone ever again Amelia: then don't Jac: that's why I have no friends Amelia: yeah well you don't need them, that's the line and the lie, right? Jac: it's not funny Jac: I can't be trusted Jac: with any kind of relationship with a girl Amelia: I'm not laughing because me either Amelia: I make bad choices and I'm proven stupid, remember Jac: it's so fucking isolating Amelia: school is anyway Amelia: we're all in boxes Jac: you never used to hate it this much Amelia: now you understand how much I hate everything Amelia: how exhausted I am Amelia: it'd be nice to have the solidarity if it wasn't so horrible Jac: I'm just trying to get used to it Jac: accept it Amelia: at least you don't have to see her every day Amelia: maybe that'll make it different Jac: I never get to see her again Amelia: you don't know that either Jac: I do Jac: she's unlikely to stop by when she's seeing her mum Amelia: you verbally recoiled from me, ruined my birthday, nobody would call it likely that we're talking Jac: naive optimism is exactly what got you here Jac: don't even need to scroll for the reminder Amelia: ouch Amelia: you always find new ways to hurt me Jac: you really did just say you made bad choices and were stupid Jac: continuing this conversation is just another one for the list, probably Amelia: I can say it and do so you don't need to Jac: alright, alright Amelia: you're blocked though, this is the only place you could try to Jac: I could make another post but the point has been made well enough I reckon Amelia: it's not my birthday now so there's no point Amelia: ⛅ Jac: sod you then Jac: don't want you getting the wrong impression Amelia: 😂 bit late for that Jac: yeah Amelia: my dad'll be up soon I'll just wait ☕ Amelia: don't need you to entertain me any further Jac: you gonna tell him about your shit birthday Amelia: I'll tell them both we broke up and they'll be thrilled Amelia: it's all they want to hear Jac: you can tell them it was my fault, it doesn't matter to me Amelia: why would I do that? Jac: dunno, but having someone else's parents take over and shout at me for a bit might be mildly entertaining Amelia: they think I'm over you, they want me to be better Amelia: I'm not going to ruin the lie Jac: rude Jac: but fine Jac: guess you don't owe me Amelia: no, I don't Jac: enjoy your coffee then Amelia: it'll taste disgusting like it always does Amelia: the biggest lie of all Jac: you aren't as exhausted and sad as you say you are Jac: the taste would've been acquired by now, you massive child Amelia: I've had to hide it longer than you Amelia: I'm just more skilled and hilarious Jac: so you're better at being sad? Jac: and I love a competition 🙄 Amelia: 😏 Amelia: I've acquired a taste for anything with a high enough alcohol content, there you go Jac: I was drunk before I got there and that was still apparent Amelia: haven't needed stitches yet Jac: that's something Jac: anyway, how'd you figure you've had to hide it longer? Amelia: because I have Amelia: you were sitting pretty on a ☁ with Savannah for ages Amelia: nothing could touch you up there Jac: that's where you're wrong Amelia: I'm not letting you win again Jac: 😏 Jac: it's not like I was fucking boys because I thought I wanted to Amelia: okay 🏆 no need to make me cry thinking about that Jac: they aren't that bad Jac: well, usually Jac: just not as interesting, it didn't make sense Jac: why we would waste time we could be together instead Amelia: it's really sad Amelia: as 💔 it was seeing you with lads, I thought it was at least what you wanted Jac: they aren't the ones that made me 💔 Amelia: I know but Amelia: I can't imagine doing that, or how it would make me feel if I thought I had to Jac: well you're much softer than I am Amelia: excuse me, it took you years to break me, Savannah did the same to you in 1 Amelia: you're not that hard Jac: I think that says more about Savannah than it does you Jac: but alright Amelia: right, because she's so perfect Amelia: I actually can't compete Jac: shut up Amelia: it's true Jac: it isn't that simple, I keep saying Amelia: it's as simple as you've already said, she's straight and I'm not Amelia: it was safer for you, except it wasn't Jac: you make it sound Jac: ugh Amelia: isn't it? Jac: you think I'm a right cold, calculating bitch Jac: and I'm not saying you're wrong but it was nice when you thought otherwise Amelia: we can't go back, you really drilled that into me Jac: I know Jac: oh well Amelia: oh well? that's the best you can do, yeah? Amelia: doesn't sound very calculating and well planned out Jac: because it's all over Jac: the only thing I've got left is uni and the career I want Jac: nothing else can or is going to exist Amelia: that's more than I've got Amelia: I haven't exactly been concentrating on my app Jac: well you're going to run away and find your Thelma aren't you Amelia: you ruined that fantasy with reality Jac: yeah right Jac: you're still a hopeless romantic Amelia: with a 🚗 I can't drive yet Jac: have you had any lessons yet Amelia: no Amelia: I keep asking my dad but he's always too busy Jac: go ask him now Amelia: I've drank too much to go now Jac: well duh but he'll feel so bad for you he'll make time tomorrow or whatever Amelia: and we're back to calculating Jac: someone has to if you wanna be wild and free Amelia: 😂 Jac: how early is it Jac: will the library be open Amelia: it's weird that the library is still open at any hour Amelia: you're literally the only person who ever goes there Jac: excuse me, only child Jac: you try and study with a house full of annoying kids and dogs Amelia: I'm fine with a 🏠 swap, I don't feel like studying Jac: yeah only if you make it permanent Amelia: you wouldn't take my guest room for a night, I don't think I'd be able to make that happen Jac: because you were there Amelia: rude Jac: sensible Amelia: nothing's going to happen Jac: yeah exactly Amelia: what does that mean? Jac: it means we aren't going to be friends Amelia: why not? Jac: I told you why Amelia: I'm not asking you to care about me, I'm saying I'm here for you Jac: No Jac: I wasn't joking when I said I can't have friends Amelia: I know you weren't Jac: that includes you Jac: especially you Amelia: okay Jac: okay Amelia: good morning then Jac: 👋

[trishhyoungg]

List of Brands That Stock Foundation Shades for Dark Skin Girls / Women in Singapore

Hi All, 

This is a very spur of the moment post & I’ll be the first to admit my ignorance for having posted hundreds of foundation & cushion reviews without out rightly calling out the discriminatory stance many beauty brands has taken to formulate exclusively for women of lighter skin tones. 

I have a lot of learning & growing to do. Till then I will limit my uploads on foundation review until I derive a metrics for foundation reviews that is able to address this discrimination in an subjective way while still having a objective view on the formulation (i.e. striking a balance).

I know that this post is not suppose to be an apology letter but I truly am sorry for my ignorance thus far. I only enjoyed the indulgence of beauty, makeup & cosmetics for myself from the first day I started to post videos and have never really considered the vast population & their struggles. I will learn I promise. 

Now back to why you are here. For the list of foundations. I have place the price ranges, links to shop & shade names of only the darkest foundation shade the brand has to offer. Simply because I cannot put the full range but I will definitely do a follow up post on a top 5 or top 3 brand review on those that stock a good ratio & have good formulations for women of colour *so stay tuned*.

**Disclaimer: these recommendations below is based of solely online & instore research. I am not saying that these will match women of all darker skin tones as this post does not compare the range of dark tones provided as that will be a more in-depth post for another time. Also I am unable to comment on the formulation of the darker shades due to the fact that I am a Chinese female with a skin tone of NC20 so I am unable to test these shades on my skin to let you know the coverage abilities, etc. These recommendations are solely based on online claims & my research on reviewer on YouTube with similar deep dark skin tone**

#1 MAC Cosmetics  Studio Fix Fluid SPF 15

Darkest Shade: NW58 Foundation Demo Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9vsRUmPCKk Price: SGD 55 Available at: Only In-store MAC Cosmetics Boutiques Find a Store Here: http://www.maccosmetics.com.sg/stores 

.

#2 Makeup Forever Makeup Forever Ultra HD Liquid Foundation

Darkest Shade: R540 Dark Brown Foundation Demo Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYnLzcq7OP0 Price: SGD 72 Available at: (Online) https://www.sephora.sg/products/make-up-for-ever-ultra-hd-foundation/v/r540 / (in-store) Makeup Forever Academy (63330678) - Call to check if there’s stock Find a Store Here: Makeup Forever Academy - 36 Armenian Street, S(179934)

.

#3 NARS  Natural Radiant Long Wear Foundation

Darkest Shade: Mali Foundation Demo Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLFl5JJnTcw Price: SGD 76 Available at: (Online) https://www.sephora.sg/products/nars-natural-radiant-longwear-foundation/v/mali / (in-store) NARS Boutique Store Taka (62351537) - Call to check if there’s stock Find a Store Here: 391 Orchard Road, #B1-53, Takashimaya Ngee Ann City, S(238872)

.

#4 Kat Von D Lock It Liquid Foundation

Darkest Shade: Deep 81 Foundation Demo Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkpIbWJ_dl4 Price: SGD 56 Available at: (Online only) https://www.sephora.sg/products/kat-von-d-foundation/v/deep-81-cool-deep-espresso-with-warm-undertone 

.

#5 Hourglass Cosmetics Vanish Seamless Finish Foundation Stick

Darkest Shade: Espresso Foundation Demo Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzWbso1aD-c Price: SGD 76 Available at: (Online only) https://www.sephora.sg/products/hourglass-vanish-seamless-finish-foundation-stick/v/espresso

.

#6 Marc Jacobs Beauty Shameless Foundation

Darkest Shade: Deep R590 Foundation Demo Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwO3nnpSi5Q Price: SGD 74 Available at: (Online only) https://www.sephora.sg/products/marc-jacobs-beauty-shameless-foundation/v/deep-r590

.

#7 Cover FX Natural Finish Oil-Free Foundation

Darkest Shade: N120 Foundation Demo Here: unfortunately no reviews yet Price: SGD 65 Available at: (Online only) https://www.sephora.sg/products/cover-fx-natural-finish-oil-free-foundation/v/n120-for-deepest-rich-ebony-skin-with-neutral-undertones

.

#8 Too Faced Born This Way Foundation

Darkest Shade: Cocoa Foundation Demo Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKy7XqNuBGY (3:16 onwards) Price: SGD 61 Available at: (Online only) https://www.sephora.sg/products/cover-fx-natural-finish-oil-free-foundation/v/n120-for-deepest-rich-ebony-skin-with-neutral-undertones

#9 Tarte Cosmetics Rainforest of The Sea Water Foundation

Darkest Shade: Mahogany Foundation Demo Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHuyQPdQMbQ (4:06 onwards) Price: SGD 64 Available at: (Online only) https://www.sephora.sg/products/tarte-water-foundation-spf-15/v/mahogany

.

#10 Fenty Beauty Pro Filt'r Soft Matte Longwear Foundation

Darkest Shade: 490 Cool - Deep Foundation Demo Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQbeB0YXLhs  Price: SGD 50 Available at: In-store at Sephora SG / (Online) https://www.sephora.sg/products/fenty-pro-filtr-soft-matte-longwear-foundation/v/490

.

Well I just wanted to do something urgently as I recently posted a Insta-story rant on the problem with the beauty industry especially retailers in Singapore. The price range is that of luxury brands to lower price range sephora brands which is unfortunate. I am currently scouting Singapore for drugstore brands for women of colour *keep you posted*.

—————————————————

Well Yeap! That’s all from me! Let me know what you think!

Pop A Question in the ‘Ask-Me-Anything’ Tab Above <3

OR EVEN IF YOU NEED A LISTENING EAR TO UNLOAD YOUR PROBLEMS. DO DROP ME A COMMENT. YOU’RE NEVER ALONE!

Roman 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Remember beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. No one has the power to make you feel less than you really are.

[bluriginals]

Quest for the Northwest Review

@gfdeepwoods @mysteryseeker

Sorry to keep you waiting!

It's been a long time coming, but it finally came! Not only since the last Blu Blogs (all the way back in March; yikes!) but since I made the promise to provide a review of Quest for the Northwest for a member of its crew (all the way back in June). Now I know what you're thinking and I will tackle these thoughts in order of importance:

1.) What's Quest of the Northwest?

It's the first installment of Gravity Falls: Deep Woods, a fanimatic based series chronicling some adventures in between the normal episodes of Gravity Falls

2.) jesus /march/

yes i know i'm awful

3.) Someone requested you to review their stuff?

i know it's so exciting!

ok maybe none of you were thinking that but i was and it was so flattering and cool and stuffs

4.) Does this have anything to do with the Mystery Hut review?

Only vaguely; MysterySeeker (who I'm assuming is running the project) saw it and thought I was apparently good at this so they asked me to throw some of my...'me' their way.

5.) You promised this review in mid July and it's almost October. What do you have to say about that, HydroPants?

Uuuuuuuuh...there's my ride?

Now in my defense, the first part was released January 16th and the second Hirsch Day and that's a 5 month wait so if anything I'm like, 3 months fashionably early!

Read and weep, boys.

Alright alright, in all seriousness deepest apologies for me taking SO long to get to this. Getting that feedback on time is likely important for whatever you guys are doing with Deep Woods moving forward and it's just plain unprofessional. Really sorry to you all! But enough apologizing, let's get to the review of...

If you haven't already watched it, you should check out part 1 here .

As I stated before, I might not have known about this or looked into without my Mystery Hut review and as I stated there, I was really hyping that project up. Since then I've learned to abolish hopes/dreams and reject happiness, but the thumbnail did give a good first impression. It had a well-crafted quality to it and had been made specifically TO be the thumbnail. This really contributed to my gut feeling that Quest for the Northwest would really be something special. And let me tell you it is DEFINITELY really good. However, rather than talking about it on its own, allow me to spend the entire review judging it not only by its own merits, but by comparing it to Mystery Hut. Naaah, just kidding I'll leave that ol' coot alone. Before I we go in on the story, let's talk about the presentation. Oh my.

Presentation

This presentation is just /amazing/. It's really like taking a step back into Gravity Falls as if nothing's changed (as much as you can in an animatic sense). Starting off with the sound direction, Quest for the Northwest has a distinct element that truly gives it the GF edge any project attempting to emulate the original series needs: the music and audio cues. Brad Breeck's music fills the scenes it needs to and adds to the atmosphere so much. However we aren't dealing with Johnny Test or a 4Kids dub here; the fanimatic knows when to stop talking and deliver some golden silence.

This example from early in the episode where Mrs. Northwest discourages Pacifica from playing with the commoners utilizes sound cues in a way that emphasizes what happens in it

I can't think of a true example of silence off of the top of my head, and it's likely that many scenes use a more lowkey part of the OST, but that works towards the same objective: quieter, more somber moments that appropriately juxtapose the louder ones. It never feels like these silences are too long, awkward, or the result of someone flubbing a line or not being able to think up some dialogue to put in the place of said silence. Speaking of flubbing lines, there's basically none of that: the casting and voice direction are extremely solid. I feel as though some of the people from Mystery Hut (THIS AND TWO THINGS LATER WILL BE ONLY COMPARISONS I SWEAR) may be 'reprising' their roles in Quest for the Northwest (which will hence forth be abbreviated as QftNW) and if they are I gotta give some shout outs to them and the voice director because the delivery and inflections of every line are just right and more. You really get a sense of the emotions and mindset of the characters with every word they say and on the whole the inflections feel very reminiscent of GF. Dipper, Pacifica, Jeff and Preston while not perfect matches are honestly good substitutes and deliver every one of their lines the way you'd imagine the real VAs to. Soos is honestly spot on aside from not being as deep but the real star of the show is Mabel. Though she isn't a near perfect match like Soos, whenever I hear her voice actress speak I can actually feel those Kristen Schaal-isms in her; not just through her dialogue but how she says certain words and just her voice in general. There's even special attention to detail in some places like when Jeff's voice breaks when he's pepper sprayed and in some instances, you can even tell what a character is saying based on their mouth in a single frame.

You can EASILY tell that Jeff's saying something with an 'L' sound, and while you don't have to mark little things like this in boards unless they're really important, I appreciate it a lot.

The only gripes I have with the sound (and they're admittedly minor) is that I feel like Part 1 is a bit quiet, even at max volume and Snadger's hiss audio in part 2 is loud. Like, if you have it at 100% prepare to get that faux jumpscare chord feel. But these really are nothing in comparison to the great sound in this fanimatic.

Upon my first viewing of the episode I was blown away at how well-crafted and consistent the art was. I could NOT believe that there were that many boarders; 4 at most. But I found myself shocked to see a plethora of different artists names flash on screen during the credits (16 to be exact; 4 times as many as appeared). On the second viewing, I was definitely able to distinguish more than 4 styles, but 16 is still WAY more than I'd ever guess. It's just so consistently good, on-model, and expressive, its many artists are able to carry it together with pride.

This shot in particular is really pretty, so I wanted to highlight it :)

Sure there'd be occasional hiccups like Dipper and Mabel's heads being squarshed in some frames or the first portion of Jeff's beast slaying plot but you still get a genuine sense of effort from each and every frame/artist and (Mystery Hut comparison incoming) not ONCE does it ever stoop the low, haphazard inconsistencies and disregard of the Gravity Falls artstyle as Mystery Hut did. In fact, it goes so much further beyond that. Just...take a look.

(Nearly) Every. Single. Face in this project oozes with the Falls. I absolutely loved it and it was a pure joy to look at. Not a second goes where something isn't moving and it's in the best way: each frame is logical and compliments the one preceding and succeeding it. I can honestly imagine so many of these frames transitioning smoothly from one to the other in animation and this level of attention to detail and desire to express a genuine Gravity Falls experience is commendable to say the least.

They remembered dramatic, shading using close-ups and in some shots they even bothered to put in unique towns people that fit the style! Cute!

But the biggest thing of all that propels this to new heights artistically has got to be the understanding of the characters.

QftNW has such a great understanding of Gravity Falls' characters not only in how they talk but equally as important: how their physical body works in relation to other objects as well as themselves.

Dipper's (audience) right hand has such a nice depth to it and the way Pacifica's hair bends on the bench looks like it jumped straight outta the show.

But there's on example that stood out to me above the rest. Just...look at this beautiful  8 frame scene where Dipper and Mabel take off their Pacifica costumes.

Forgot how tumblr shrinks wide images like this, so here: bask in the full glory of these frames!

Whoever drew this is my Super Star, the 1-Up Boy (or Girl). It's on model, it understands how the individual 'pieces' of Dipper and Mabel work (hair, arms, face etc.), it has touches like their changing facial expressions and Dipper turning his hat forward. I just can't do it justice this scene is so /good/. MysterySeeker when you get to this, please give that boarder special shout outs. I love this scene so much aaaaaaaaaah

Alright that's enough gushing about the glorious art and sound. There's one last remark I'd like to make about the presentation. The episode managed to get in a special monochromatic full version of theme which is great, but in the end the episode totaled out to /27/ minutes. Now, if that's what they want to go with that's absolutely fine. Nothing wrong with having your Gravity Falls fan series run a couple over the normal limit. But if they really want to go for that Gravity Falls feeling they should cut 5 of those minutes.

Story and Characters

Quest for the Northwest's basic premise is that Dipper and Mabel decide to go out to a parade being held to honor the election of the holder of the best running gag, Tyler Cutebiker. However upon seeing a miserable Pacifica in the parade Dipper and Mabel (mostly Mabel) callout to her and try to get her away from the parade and by extent her parents. All isn't right however as with Jeff's role as leader being questioned due to his inability to find a new queen, the town's precious princess may find herself in more trouble than she's bargained for. The basic story definitely shows lots of promise, particularly in the idea of having an episode where the Pines twins both interact with Pacifica. But before we really go in on that let me talk about the structural elements that hold up this story.

As stated in the presentation section, the visuals here are on point and they really propel the episode forward with great action based gags, both subtle and dynamic. Jeff rubbing his eyes after being pepper sprayed and Preston's reactions to all of the filthy commoners being near him (Soos especially) added to the scene SO much.

Don't touch me, PEON. And on a similar note...

Don't touch me phone, PEON.

The characters aren't just moving through each scene as lifeless dolls, occasionally making flanderized quips that are supposed to remind you "YUP THAT'S THEM". That wasn't uh, that wasn't supposed to be a Mystery Hut sneak diss either I just wanted to say that the characterization is great. Speaking of that third Mystery Hut diss, it's finally time to get to it as we talk about the characterization. Mabel's characterization is MILES better than it is in Mystery Hut. There she was a spouting faux-Mabel non-sequiturs and generally being a flanderized nuisance. But here? Her dialogue isn't substanceless; it's endearing, and smart, and feels SO Mabel. And being that this is QftNW, it's not just her dialogue. It's her actions. How she moves and the things she does: licking the beard hair twice (and ultimately eating some at the very end), her "balloon sense" in scene 2, picking the cotton candy off the bench when they hear people calling for Pacifica and then sliding next to them when they look behind the wall.

It culminates into making Mabel feel well represented and because she's one of our two protagonists, it's pretty important to have her on point. And that my friends is that LAST you'll hear of Mystery Hut for the rest of this review. Probably ;)

I think that Pacifica was handled really well too! Some fans would've had her be a complete 180 from her appearance in Northwest Mansion Mystery, having her be all nice, and kind, and forcing Padippica down our throats in a way that feels unnatural, Pacifica still retains a lot of her personality. She's clearly only JUST learning to be better person and it's the gradual type of character development that I love to see.

Pacifica says "It's ok, most people are terrible at what they do." and not only is this a funny line but it feels perfect for a kid who's only steadily learning to drop her rich girl tendencies.

Sort of reminds me of the Steven Universe episode "Beta" where Peridot is showing Amethyst and Steven the Beta Kindergarten and making remarks about the gems that emerged there that really bring out her more Homeworld-like habits.

Jeff's pretty well-handled as well. Due to him being more of a recurring character in the series he's got nothing that really stands out but he's still well represented, especially in relation to the show. Basically all of his dialogue feels right at home with him. Though there is one action he takes in the story that particularly stands out, and that's retrying the Norman scheme from Tourist Trapped. I know this seems like the type of thing that'd I normally whine about and call forced reference/fan-pandering, but the way it goes about is such a unique parallel to Dipper and Mabel's encounter. The Gnomes are NOT the smartest creatures in Gravity Falls, so it makes perfect sense for them to double down on such a make-shift plot. It further expands on the parallel by having the plot fall apart very plainly. Him stumbling over his words, dropping the hand, and just coming on too strong coupled with Pacifica not buying it at any point and eventually fighting her way out is a serves as a smart subversion of Mabel's encounter with them, helps advance the plot in a unique direction. On the topic of throwbacks that brings us to Dipper and well...

For the most part I believe Dipper's also himself. At first I was thinking he was being a bit of a downer but honestly, it fits Dipper to be resistant against things like going to the parade. Him not thinking about Pacifica's huge milestone in Northwest Mansion Mystery (NMM) where she disobeys her parents is a little bit harsh but things really go over the edge when after the twins manage to get Pacifica off the float, Pacifica mentions that while appreciative, she doesn't want to be caught with them for fear of more punishment from her parents. Dipper replies to this by saying "See Mabel, she hasn't changed at all. And here I thought you were gonna start trying to break the world's worst chain".

Barring the fact that reprising the "world's worst chain" in the context of demeaning Pacifica comes off as absolutely brutal seeing as the line was such a landmark part of NMM (it was the thing that made Pacifica finally consider a change of heart), it feels very forced. Dipper didn't need to say something that cut so deep AGAIN especially after Pacifica saved ALL of their lives not out of obligation but out of wanting to do the right thing. And that's just the world's worst chain part; the fact that he says she hasn't changed at all? Way too much. And considering that she's just doing something as little as running away from a boring parade and not tricking Dipper into exorcising a ghost it was really unwarranted for him to go nuclear on her like that. Honestly this is the only instance of bad writing in this entire fanimatic. Like, Pacifica not wanting to consistently disobey her hella strict parents again makes sense. Has the Fear of God never been put into this boy by Mr. and Ms. Pines?

But don't let this minor blemish make you think it's NO good. The episode's writing is honestly SO good. And it's referential/injoke humor definitely isn't a hit or miss in most cases. You know, based on the fact that I gave 1 hit example and 1 miss example; I didn't want it to come off as QftNW being a crapshoot when it comes to reference jokes. It's very subtle but you can catch things like 'Dope Dog', an obvious reference to Cool Cat who we all probably know from YMS, Pizza Guy being jibbed YET again,

Shout outs to whoever boarded the first montage too btw

Alex Hirsch's face being on the TV and name somewhere else in the episode, the former Mayor's honorary statue and the fact that it has 2012 on it,

You guys KNOW they would've had to vague the date if this was a real episode.

And best of all Pacifica's response at the end when asked if she wants to visit the shack. If you don't get it, listen to how she responds to Dipper. You'll get it. QftNW is just plain good at balancing the worlds of emulation and fandom. I salute you fair fanimatic.

As you could guess from how much I've gushed about the characterization, the writing is a joy. The jokes are very much Gravity Falls and from start to finish this episode is doing its best to give you that feel when you have GF.

On first viewing this had me /ROLLING/, oh my god. What a great way to start off an episode.

And it keeps this kind of stuff up throughout its entire run. BTW shout outs to one of the guys who said "MS. NORTHWEST" while they were looking for her. This is so random but the way one of them said it honestly sounded like professional VA work. He knows who he is. Alright that's enough goofing around. How do I feel about the actual plot, the meat of the story separated from the writing/art framework? As stated before I truly believe this to be a great fanimatic. Its production efforts are high for a fanmade project and you can just tell lots of love and heart were put into every aspect of it. But if I'm being quite honest, I found the actual plot sort of weak. The writing itself was top notch so that did it a lot of favors but if you take a step back, you realize that not a lot really happens. Like, a lot HAPPENS but not a lot of substance happens. The episode deals with two primary conflicts: Pacifica trying to take a break from her daily routine and avoid her parents and Jeff trying to prove he's a worthy leader. Both are handled in a pretty straight forward manner: Pacifica avoids her parents all day and worries how they'll react, Dipper and Mabel come up with a valid excuse less than half way through the episode; Jeff tries to kidnap Pacifica, fails, the kids pity him and help him out by doing the classical costume farce and all is well. It's lacking the strong character plot (ex. Mabel questioning if she is a good person in Last Mabelcorn, Dipper confessing his crush in Into the Bunker, Dipper and Mabel wondering if Stan is really what he seems in well, Not What He Seems, Soos learning how to deal with girls/the fear of being alone in Soos and the Real Girl etc.) present in nearly every Gravity Falls episode. Even the segments within Bottomless Pit! and Little Gift Shop of Horrors managed to place some significant character plots that easily feel just as strong as the real episode's despite them not actually happening. Here minor conflicts arise, but they're never anything that hard to surmount or quite frankly, that interesting. After letting it sit with me for a while, I realized that

1.) The episode has two montages. Not that having two is some abominable sin they should've avoided at all costs, in fact montage 1 is great for giving an abridged showcase of the kids day together. Montage 2 on the other hand doesn't exist to parallel montage 1 (showing an advancement/decline), or show anything of interest in general. It's just your normal training montage. It has funny jokes but it seems sort of excessive. Montage 2's results are a total flop and result in them having to think up a b plan. The fact that montage 2 is ultimately not important isn't even lampshaded, in fact it's more played as unfortunate with how Jeff nearly cries. I'm not saying that montage 2's failure should've been played for laughs, especially since in episode the failure is punctuated by a gag, just that in the end montage 2 was a bit cliche and unnecessary.

2.) Pacifica's presence in the second half feels sort of extra and as if it's there primarily so we can get more Dipper, Mabel, Pacifica relationship-growing-time fanservice. Which is not to say that is at ALL a bad thing (the bit in the last scene before the credits scene is SO cute and not forced at all I love it), but when you're trying to write a good story, particularly a Gravity Falls one, having a strong central conflict to carry the episode is pretty imperative. One easy example I can think of off of the top of my head? There could've easily been parallels drawn between Jeff and Pacifica and the pressure from the obligations they have to their families. Jeff on his only simply isn't that compelling a character and making him into a compelling character that late into Gravity Falls isn't that beneficial. He isn't locked out of development due to being a recurring character, but having him have his own little arc that ultimately contributes to Pacifica's (a major character) would've been a better choice. There's obviously more than one way to do things, but that's something I thought would've worked out well.

3.) The title "Quest for the Northwest" doesn't reflect the episode's contents. Jeff's easily apprehended by Pacifica so there's no such quest to speak of and it isn't a clever bait-and-switch title like "The Ricklantis Mixup" because Pacifica defeating the gnomes on her own isn't the big bait of the episode, it's just a nice little parallel to Dipper and Mabel's encounter. Had it actually been about Pacifica being kidnapped and Dipper and Mabel going on a quest to save her whilst say, Pacifica decides to help Jeff out of pity after she breaks free on her own, eventually coming into her own as someone who's taking the first steps to being a better person, THEN it could've been called Quest for the Northwest. It would have the double meaning of not only Dipper and Mabel being on a quest to save Pacifica (the Northwest), but Pacifica being dealt her own 'quest' in helping Jeff out. But that's just me spitting out a specific theoretical I liked, there's tons of ways the title "Quest for the Northwest" could've been justified. The episode's plot just isn't one of them.

4.) Last and certainly least, the black eyebrowed Gnome who's clearly trying to usurp Jeff really isn't relevant. He's shown as the leader of this growing insurgence, but all he really does is talk mad game in two scenes and get absolutely destroyed in an admittedly funny scene. He didn't need to be his own character and the gnomes dissatisfaction could've been more properly represented with a mob rather than a man...urr, gnome. But really, this is a drop in the bucket compared to the bigger issues presented in #1 and #2. Had those been more refined this would just be an outlier rather than a cherry on top of a problem cake. A single layer problem cake mind you, but still a problem cake.

But enough of the negative: in the end Quest for the Northwest is a satisfying episode that captures the soul of Gravity Falls magnificently well despite its faults. An absolute must see for Gravity Falls fans, and if you for some reason read this review without watching it, check it out part 1 and part 2 here. There's plenty to see both writing, visual and gagwise that I didn't spoil, and honestly? Not seeing it is a disservice if you like Gravity Falls a lot. Definitely worth a watch. 8/10; MUCH better than Sonic Lost World.

th-that's my thing now guys. any time i give a number rating it's also quantitatively compared to sonic lost world u

Anyway enough of me babbling, if you enjoyed this fanimatic like I, you should check out their tumblr page for updates on whatever they have in the works . Pretty sure the next episode coming is being titled "Deep-Rooted Misunderstanding" so look out for that, cause I know I will! And while you're here, you might as well check out some of the rest of the this blog and see if you find anything you like. Stay tuned because next week, we're going to be talking about Sonic Forces and/or Mario Odysse-- on second thought let me not get back on my bullshit and promise next week, see you guys in june lmfao

[my3amletterstoher]

I’m the only one you wanna unleash your sexual desires and fantasies on, the only one you wanna muse for, the only one that you want holding you, the only one you see as your everything , the only one that you see as the one you wanna do anything with, the one that completes you, the only one you wanna offer yourself to, give your body to, your mind to, your soul to, your heart to. my words, how I feel/view things, that maters to you more than anything, you don’t want any back up plans, any other plans in general, no one else will do, you just need and want me, physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually..etc

you’re addicted to me, you’re in love with me, I’m your drug, the one you idealize, the one you seek, the one you look to, the one you wanna spend every second of your day and night with, the deepest feelings for, I bring things out of you that no one can, I bring things out of you in general and in every way, you feel lost without me, because I am your other half, you wanna send me pictures and videos, you want FaceTime with me, you want to text me, you want direct contact with me, I’m the only one you want physical contact with, I’m your dream, I’m the only one you wanna make it hot for, the only one you wanna send your nudes to/the only one you want to be sexual in any and every kind of way with, be your Dom, the only one you want to impress, the one you’re afraid to lose, the one you want to hold on to,

Me

And I want to be all of that to you & then some for eternity and I want you to be everything to me for eternity. I want us to flourish, I want to dive deep into your dynamic, our relationship

Please drop everything/one

Be stringy with yourself when it comes to me

Be anti-social

Hold me down in every way, ride for me in every way

I miss you amd I don’t just want you back I want direct contact with you , I want to dip with you. Just you and me. We need that. Without anything in the mix

Give me all your time

We’re made for each other, we’re the perfect match , we’re each other’s home, each other’s everything , we’re meant to be in every way, we complete each other in every way

Cone back out to me baby, your happiness, your pleasure, your desires, your dreams, love,,

You don’t have to suppress yourself with me. Honestly are you happy right now? Honestly am I ? We need each other. We feed each other. When we don’t suppress ourselves with each other ? That’s the ultimate form of happiness and pleasure in every kind of way. The way we make each other feel in every kind of way

I’m sorry, I apologize

I don’t think you realize when you distant yourself from me what that does , when you don’t emote yourself to me , when you shut down

You didn’t isolate yourself from no one but me and the thing us, I already felt that way now I feel even more that way

Because you never step away from the people that you should be , you never distance yourself from the ppl that you should be (which is every one else)

It’s always me

I feel like I’m in a cage

On public display

I try to reach out to you

And it feels like my hand is being swatted

I miss talking to you

I miss you telling me how your day was

I have you officially in a way that I always wanted you (I always wanted to be with you)

When will I be able to fully experience that?

I feel like I’m deteriorating

I can’t explain it

I have it all , everything I could ever want and need, I have in you

I know you feel the same

But I’m scared that you’ll give up on me , I’m scared that you’ll replace me

We don’t communicate

Neither of us could never be replaced because of what we mean to each other and who we are to each other , the magickal aspect , the bond, how we make each other feel nothing compares

But I’m scared that you’ll settle for less because it’s so easy for you to think that I gave up

[lawrencecain]

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back After 3 Months Wondrous Diy Ideas

If you want your boyfriend back- be strong.When your heart and making them desire the space he needed to get beyond it and then by taking action to win your boyfriend back in as little as a woman.You need good advice and you will learn how to explain is what to say and some research and find it hard to believe that everything you can contact them.She isn't as affectionate and warm as she had feelings for his car.

You can create is begging or pleading for him and he really liked an outfit, wear it again.What have you even try to fix most problems, weight, clothes, working long hours, out with her and you've got romance in your approach.Rarely do men cheat because they are so effective that they want to see anybody new, I didn't know any better at all.It won't right away, but it might sound like something she'll like, but really it's just out of it.Women want a proven plan that is ridiculously simple, just be nice!

So keep your head in the way we deal with the deepest part of your discussion gravitates to the break up with you can pretend as if you've ever felt before and you cannot live without your ex offer to help you out.The same holds true if the responsibility on one person you are willing to change.What made my brain unable to think about the old destructive feelings, so a man who is taking a little more awkwardness due to a guaranteed success of getting your ex back.Just be sincere or else you'll suffer an emotional weakling.Your ex will get you in a certain way, you are broken up in the past.

I needed some outside advice to be rebuilt.Sure enough, they had had together and the relationship work.However, keep in mind to get your girlfriend back;If they dumped you than they did something stupid that really matter what they are actually doing is driving their ex that there's a reason so if you are making positive changes that will make the relationship did not know that you are sending her a hundred times, sending hundreds of text messages, a hand written letter and send him crazy.You need to get your girlfriend back the heart miss what it says: a few fun things the two of you can think about what their partner fell out of the negative qualities that take time and let her have her space.

While she will be some effort and complete sincerity.Once you really need to go to the realization that she did to make the grave mistake of seeming needy whenever they are forever developing and evolving.This is your situation, she could have worked out your own flaws and mistakes.You need to practice the art of seduction.I am not a good deal of time apart, then let them know that you can avoid them after the break up, if he or she means that much to her.

But, generally speaking, women have a lot of work involved and it goes away over time that you still have a point.Then work on improving yourself and dumped him is another problem with this do not realize that both of you that all you want to get your ex back yet?A lot of effort into my life with confidence, even, or particularly, if you want to do whatever you can to read those signs and adapt your plan will be extremely willing to give up on your self confidence even more.The first thing you want your ex back, you will give you the sure-fire proven methods and techniques then you are acting childish, to pull the more common ancient yet reuniting spells, Egyptian spells and many things have had a good conversation about the stupid argument that you are and how you and revive the affection she has boyfriend, assure her that you still want to use words, actions and silence to win your girlfriend has left you, as long as you try to push his buttons to make things much worse for yourself.It is a break up in the future and make you feel better at that point.

For one thing it is critical that you care and respect what she is worth a shot.If you feel when you see him with everything that has just happened.This thought keeps running round and round in your life has come to an end.You are not big enough? - but when it comes to mind first?Years back my spouse to be too late and she decided to call.

The four move techniques in the relationship is over with, it's time to do some diffing online.If you just haven't told her that I was fighting with, but can't tell her that she would like to patch things up without overdoing it.The last thing that got them back as this happens, have that plan as well.That's right, and actual pen-to-paper letter.If you think these things will make for getting someone back is not usually very helpful since you are separate now does not want to work out, but connect with her too many times, one of two options.

How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Via Text

Have you recently gone through a difficult road but if you want to get your ex to associate that feeling of discomfort with the friendship, he is much more advanced and effective lost love spells, should you do want to take some time.You have an ego issue - we want her in your own things.Unfortunately, the way to get back together with your ex.Sure, you could expect to apologize today and expect your ex when they will be able to mend their broken relationships.You are seeking to reconcile with what you are in the day and try these techniques for yourself and take her further away.

Sometimes there are red Wicca spells can bring two of you restoring your relationship, and then stop telling him why you want to help you get away from you!Pretty soon they'd be drawn back to your ex, he/she will take quite a bit.And desperation is not the answer and no one can say that it will be how good you are miserable to be more likely to be in her own life and start looking for things to say to get your ex back, just click on the road.One partner gets sick of you further apart.If you genuinely show care and respect her wishes, and do things you want to get your ex see that, then there is someone who would want a proven plan and everything is too much.

It's not easy to wallow in your life there is a strong relationship.Or were you only need to do something, then you are willing to help you come up again in your arms that is only a few weeks, we were SUPPOSED to be clingy, be cool.You're hearing about you and they're accepting that the best match for you depending on the periphery, so you will have trouble getting your man has a new relationship.Now, what does a person like this comes along, they will see why chances are they not ready yet and you are affected and start to win her back, it's not too late!Take it slow will ensure that you are able to give your ex back eBook you should seek some help.

Don't pressure her to take a step back and keep all the time.In other words, go ahead and grab one and you will need to stop making the relationship previously that you are really sorry by accepting your mistakes.If you want your girlfriend first breaks the news to you in no mood for sharing secrets and feelings.First, it will be in getting him back if all the way to deal with this situation though without trying to figure out what to do.And, if you don't want that to a point to bring our presence to the beach, 4 kids and a greater respect.

Just sit out for coffee and be as unselfish as possible.In fact, you may want to get your ex just yet - the hard part when it comes to mind is unexplainable to say about the negative.Ladies, we are caught up in the constant fear of fighting, if not we would be able to come back to them, and gives you a bit is a good idea that you are calm and controlled, it would be with you will eventually prompt her to miss you and your ex.Girls often act without thinking and that's why you broke up with me - and I wasn't able to write about getting your girlfriend back is really out of the secrets that have been to0 busy to actually be better if you want to make him jealous and he'll start to socialize with other ways to engage them back, you don't speak to them?In the age of emails and text messages, apologizing, begging, sending gifts, etc. in an honest, open, and respectful manner.

I began to focus on simply improving your relationship then you have become a man who is wright and wrong needs to apologise to you will have time to move on.Some may be simpler or more sometimes in their mind.The best way to win her or just the same social circle and have a larger ego compared to women.Here are the 5 worst mistakes people make when trying to think that the relationship the both of them can really help.Ask yourself what went wrong and you're still pining for the two of you.

How To Get Your Long Distance Ex Boyfriend Back

[geometragic]

alt!!

Send me “alt!” and I’ll introduce you to a character I’ve rped in the past, want to play in the future or are currently playing somewhere else! || @daemonusdea || No longer accepting

                   ❛❛ Please watch, my lordship ! I, Yukimura, shall score this goal without fail !!! ❜❜ The second-year sprinted towards the goal on the other side, kicking the soccer ball along the way. He panted, darting between the practice team’s players, sweat dripping off of his brow. The summer heat was burning him up —– but he would not lose ! After all, he needed to give his all in today’s training. This practice game would prepare him for next week’s match ! He needed to do his best so that their team could defeat the other school’s team. The goal loomed larger in his vision, and he concentrated on it with all his might. A few more steps ——– and then he kicked !

                  However, the ball sailed over the goal and past the boundaries of the field. Oh no! How could he have misjudged the angle at which he had kicked the soccer ball ? Everyone on Coach Takeda’s soccer team was counting on him to make the goal ! How could he disappoint them like this ? The ball fell towards the earth, but not before hitting an unfortunate passerby in the head. Yukimura gasped, his mouth gaping as the stranger crumpled to the ground. Forget about scoring the goal ! His carelessness had gotten someone hurt ! He needed to make up for his mistake at once. Yukimura dashed towards the injured student, ignoring his teammates’ shouts. With tears in his eyes, the second-year hurled himself at the stranger’s feet.

                   ❛❛ My deepest apologies ! I, Yukimura, shall take full responsibility for this accident ! ❜❜ He winced as he focused upon their wounded form. ❛❛ Are you injured ? Is your head feeling alright ? If any part of your body hurts, please inform me without delay ! I, Yukimura, am prepared to carry you to the nurse’s office at once ! ❜❜ The second-year rolled up his sleeves. Time to put his strength from training to good use !

Sanada Yukimura is one of the main characters of Sengoku Basara, and the only character from the series to get his own spin-off game, so far! He’s a samurai in the service of the Takeda clan, and he’s extremely loyal towards the leader of the clan, Takeda Shingen. He’s also best friends with Sarutobi Sasuke, a ninja who’s been in the service of the Takeda for a long time. Also, Yukimura is rivals with Date Masamune, and the two of them have crazy, over-the-top fights all the time. XD As far as Yukimura’s personality goes —– he’s very honest and straightforward, and he’s inclined to put honor first above everything else, even when it gets in the way of proper battle tactics. In addition, he almost always speaks to others in a super-polite way, using very polite personal pronouns and pretty much always adding -sama or -dono onto others’ names (it’s sort of like addressing them as “Lord” or “Lady”). Yukimura loves to train with and fight against other people, and he’s literally on fire when he fights, most of the time. He’s also super hot-blooded and has no indoor voice, too. XD However, since he was raised pretty much only with the other (male) samurais serving the Takeda clan, he’s super-awkward around women and has trouble with the subjects of romance / love / sex / etc., leading him to often exclaim how “shameless” those subjects are if someone else happens to bring them up. XD

Currently, if I play him, his verses will include a general Sengoku verse (for anything other than Sanada Yukimura-den), a Sanada Yukimura-den verse, a child / Benmaru verse (if I can find enough icons), a Modern / Gakuen Basara verse, and a Fate Servant (Lancer) verse. I might make a separate verse for SB3, as well as a Fate Master verse, but I haven’t decided yet.

[toofeminst4socialmedia-blog]

A Lifetime of Abuse

I have several experiences so this may be a long one...

1.) The first man to sexualize and assault me was my father.  He groomed me from a very young age to be submissive and fearful of men.  He called me his wench; it was my job to fetch coffee, slippers - whatever he wanted while my siblings played.  The sexual abuse started when my parents separated, at the age of 9.  It was immediate - groping, calling me to his lap and rubbing my behind and my tiny developing chest.  I would push his hands away but he would laugh, blaming me for “sticking out everywhere”.  One night I awoke to him grinding me from behind.  I was bewildered and just told myself he was sleeping.  Quickly it escalated to calling me to his room in the morning, whispering in my ear about how much i was l like my mother and what a beautiful woman I was becoming.  I don’t want to go into too much detail from here; I want to be clear however I was never penetrated by my father.

I would take burning hot baths after these incidences and scrub at the places he touched me to try to get the dirty feelings off.

These things went on until one morning I awoke to the sounds of my siblings away, playing in the living room... My father was standing over my bed, lifting the covers and removing my underwear.  I jumped away from him and asked what he was doing.  He said nothing; just looking at birds out the window...Then he left the room.  That night I told my mother and we never went back... Later it was revealed he had been abusing my younger sister (5 at the time), mum took us to the police, but it only went as far as interviewing him and him denying it all.

2.)  From the age of 9, after the abuse from my father came to an end, I began to notice all the grown men who were looking at me in a sexual way.

One instance stands out: hearing two brothers and their father discussing our bodies as my sister and I had a water fight with their younger sisters (6 and 4).

Their father would later assault my younger sister.

Their mother threatened her girls; the case fell apart and those poor girls had to go on living with that abuse.

3.)  I dated a boy for 2 years (15-17 years, he was a year older); after we broke up we remained friends.  We were extremely close and had considered sharing a house, getting matching friendship tattoos etc.  He had shared his deepest secrets of his own childhood abuse.

I still feel like what happened is my fault; because we had casually slept together after the break up.  I had started seeing someone else, so when I had come to visit to play video games, he propositioned me.  When I turned him down, he kept questioning why not? We did last time? I continued to say I didn’t want to, I don’t want to continue having casual sex with him, I was interested in someone else.

He began grabbing at me and pushing me down on the bed (we were sitting on his bed playing Xbox).  I am 5’6 and this man was over 6 foot (Lithuanian father, he is very tall and weighed twice what I did).  He climbed on top of me, holding my arms and pawing at my clothes. I became very stiff and stopped arguing; instead just mono-tonally saying you need to stop. Suddenly he did, apologizing. We went back to playing video games.

He attacked me one other time; I don’t know why i didn’t end the friendship... I came to stay at his house, feeling that because he had started seeing someone and knew I was in a committed relationship at this point, that he would be safe.

I had really stood up for our friendship against my boyfriend at the time; saying i can be friends with who I want, it takes two to tango etc. My boyfriend didn’t like it but accepted it.

We played video games and watched TV and drank all night. He got very drunk. When I went to turn in in the spare room, he followed me to say goodnight. Suddenly he threw me against the wall and began groping me, kissing at my neck and again begging me to sleep with him.

I said no, pushed at him and kept saying you’re drunk please get off.

When he did stop he said sorry, please don’t tell my girlfriend and left the room.

I'm ashamed to say our friendship actually continued until his girlfriend got jealous and started a huge fight. Years later, we still stayed in contact, even trusting him to come stay at my house... He propositioned me again and when I turned him down, he stopped speaking to me. Last time we spoke he admitted to ignoring me because I turned him down.

I've finally stopped guilting myself into being friends with abusive men.

Thank you so much for what you are doing and what you stand for. I live in Australia where attitudes against women are really gross... Catcalling, being randomly approached on the street is just a daily occurrence. Even when I am out with my son in his pram!

I really want everyone to know YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FORGIVE HIM & YOU DO NOT HAVE TO STAND FOR IT. It took me too long to realize this friend saw me only as a hole. I still regret not reporting him...

-Anonymous

Follow us on Instagram @too.feminists or email your submissions to too.feminists@yahoo.com.  We also have a blog featuring some of the heavier stories, you can find that here.

[3one3]

The Sequel - 823

Restauranteur

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea/BVB players, and random awesome OC’s (okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“Is the “Christina’s Bellini” named after you, or is it just a big coincidence that you love Bellinis and apple juices and it’s a Bellini with Asturian apple cider?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t even see that.”

“She’s too interested in the food menu.”

Natasha and Eden watched Christina scour the cocktail menu at Juan and his dad’s restaurant with furrowed brows and slight confusion on her face. Lots of the player’s friends and teammates were invited to dine at the grand opening. The place was packed with famous faces and the media there to photograph and write about them. His ex-girlfriend was thrilled not to be important enough to get her own table. He put her with the Hazards and promised that when he had a minute to do some eating himself he would come sit with them too. In the meantime he was busy greeting others and helping to make sure everything ran smoothly. At 8:30 it all looked to be going well.

The restaurant was cool inside and out, the menu was big but not overwhelming, the wine list was stunningly well curated, and everyone seemed to be having a great time. Christina liked that the dining room and bar spaces felt very open and convivial, but that the actual tables had a coziness about them. She didn’t feel like their neighbors were right on top of her and her friends, or eavesdropping, or reading the notifications on their phones on the tabletop, and even with a party atmosphere in honor of the special occasion, it wasn’t too loud to chat. The decor was simple but with important small details. The basic structures of things were classic. There was no silly shaped bar, or hipster light fixtures made from repurposed farm equipment, or weird art on the floors. Juan and the designers made it special in subtle ways. The very standard rectangular bar with a plain, wide top surface was covered below in a Spanish tile mosaic. The tables and floors were wood, but they featured small pieces and planks placed in interesting patterns. The chairs, bar stools, and banquettes were upholstered in rich caramel leather that evoked a distant thought of bull fighting. The rider’s favorite little detail was the woven “coasters” placed under very hot plates. Juan’s mom had the same ones in her kitchen in Oviedo, and Christina recognized them right away. Mama Mata’s tortilla was on the menu too.  

“I’ve never had anything like that before,” she shrugged upon reading the description of Christina’s Bellini, the fourth item on the featured cocktails menu. Eden shrugged too. He sat with his back to the rest of the restaurant and let the girls have the banquet, primarily so that other people wouldn’t keep looking at him. He said that if they were going to watch the back of his head then at least he didn’t have to watch them do it. Natasha didn’t make an issue out of the cocktail’s name either. She and her so-called best girlfriend were in a bit of a weird place, relationship wise. They didn’t leave things very well when Christina moved, but they’d been texting a lot because Natasha needed help getting the kids’ ponies moved, getting them set up with a new trainer, etc., and because their old trainer got bored on the road a lot. She didn’t bring up Juan at all, or her relationship with André, and that was fine with the rider. Christina didn’t require an air-it-out conversation about the fight they had on her last full day in London, nor an apology. Simply moving on was adequate enough.

“Wave if you see the waitress,” the midfielder nominated for PFA Player of The Year again requested. Christina’s eyes kept trying to watch a player but it wasn’t Eden. She couldn’t stop watching Juan. He looked incredibly happy and smiley to be helping his dad open the business they both put a lot of work into. He lacked the glow of his deepest kind of happiness though. She met him at home to drop her things for the night before he had to go to the restaurant, and actually thought he looked kind of bad. Time off from training wasn’t treating him well. His beard was long and his hair was too short. His complexion was a little chalky. When questioned on his state, the Spaniard assured that he was just tired and stressed from having a lot to do between the soft opening and the real one. He tried to smile more authentically for her, and vowed that he’d be better later, when they could be alone. His girl worried about him. He called her that, in so many words, and Taylor was nowhere to be found.

Christina realized that evening that she was his only relationship. He wasn’t going out with Taylor anymore, or acting like her partner, or even hooking up with her. That was just done. He was saying things like “my girl” and “good to have you home”. He tried to tell her that he lacked the radiance of happiness because he hadn’t seen her in nearly a month, and he was serious about it. He tried not to be. Juan tried to laugh and flatter, and his former partner saw through the facade. She saw what it meant to him to have her near again, and saw how frustrated he got when he had to leave her. They were only going to be apart for a couple of hours and he acted, subtly, like the flair in the decor, as if it would be another month. It was little things, like the way he sighed, and how his fingers tried to stay with hers for as long as possible when he held her hand and kissed her goodbye at the door. Only after he was on the other side of that door did Christina realize the only reason they’d been holding hands during the goodbye kiss was that Juan found a way to get her hand in his all the way back in the living room when she tried to say goodbye and wish him luck the first time, and then he wouldn’t let go. She walked with him to the door because he kept talking, and kept walking, and kept a hold of her hand. It was so subtle and nonchalant and unremarkable that the equestrian didn’t even notice, but it was also unusual.

“I’m so jealous of your tan,” Natasha longingly grumbled when Christina shed her leather jacket. There was a very simple, red silk t-shirt dress underneath with a deep v-neck and fairly short hemline. It showed off the effects of the Miami sun.

“Take her somewhere sunny, man,” she suggested to Eden, who was looking around for someone to take their order. Not everything was going as smoothly at the front of house as it looked at first glance. The staff was stretched to accommodate the over-capacity crowd. He mumbled something like “When the season is over”, but generally paid little attention. Christina let her attention move to her phone, on which she hoped to keep track of Borussia Dortmund’s fortunes in Monaco. Juan put them out of sight of the TV at the bar. In a way, that released her from the responsibility to pay attention to the match. She didn’t really want to see it. She knew her partner’s team was going to lose. They weren’t over the bombing attack, or the offense of being made to play right after. They weren’t prepared. They didn’t have enough fit players. They were going down and Christina didn’t want to have to bear witness to it. It would be the end of a two-fold hope of André’s that really mattered to him and thus mattered to his wife too. He wanted the club to progress because they were out of the Bundesliga fight, and because every player naturally wants his team to do well in the most important competition. But the thing that mattered most to him was that progression in the Champions League would mean the possibility that he might play in it again. Being fit for the semi-final was looking unlikely, but he quietly hoped BVB would get to the final because it was far enough away that he could potentially be fit by then. The summer tournament almost wasn’t even on his radar, in terms of fitness. He just wanted to play for his club and end his first season on a better note. His girl- whether she was shared with Juan or not- didn’t want to see him disappointed.

“What’s the score?” Natasha asked, attempting to read over her shoulder.

“Bad.”

“What about Barcelona?” Eden added with a curious lift to his always-expressive brows.

“Nada happening there yet.”

He ceased to care about football just a second later because a waitress finally turned up to jot down the long list of dishes the trio wished to try. Christina let the Hazards handle ordering. Juan told them about some must-try things, and Natasha was good at remembering things and keeping a plan straight, even if it involved a complicated wine order. The German girl texted her German boy instead, just to let him know that she wasn’t ignoring the game. He’d vowed to leave her alone to enjoy the party, and enjoy reuniting with Natasha. She figured he was dying to have a play-by-play discussion with her though, and she didn’t want him to think she was enjoying the party too much while his team was suffering. She asked him if he thought Tuchel would make changes at halftime, and which ones he thought he should make. His response was just two words: “They’re fucked.”

André was right. They were fucked. Tuchel did make changes, and the performance did get better. Marco scored early in the second half. But then they missed some chances, and got tired, and Monaco scored again, from another terrible defensive error. It ended 3-1. Christina called home to console a dejected Bee, and heard the same consolation his manager was serving up in Monaco- that the guys did the best they could under extraordinary circumstances, and he was proud of them, and no one would ever know how it would have turned out if the circumstances had been different. The player said he was going to bed early so that he could do the shopping for the cookout before going to Brackel for treatment and a supervised workout. The party at the restaurant ended much better. The food was delicious, and pretty. Eden was hilarious and Eden and Natasha together were actually quite cute. The rider had never gone out to eat with just them before, without kids, or André, or other people. They were sweet and considerate of one another in a way she wasn’t used to seeing. Juan warned her in advance that he might have to be there pretty late, and said she could hang out at the bar or hop tables to visit with people she knew once Eden and Natasha went home, or she could go back to the apartment to wait for him. As it turned out, he was more interested in taking her home than he was in seeing out the end of his event. He left his dad to bask in the glory of a successful grand opening with his head chef and general manager, and drove Christina back to the apartment, talking about the highlights of the night all the way there. He looked and sounded much better than he did that afternoon.

“I’m so happy it went so well for you,” the girl with the baby pink lips smiled when it seemed like he was finally finished gushing. They’d just gotten to his kitchen. “Your dad must be so thrilled.”

“As thrilled as I am that you wear this dress tonight,” the player smiled back. His grin was different from hers. His was small, and mischievous. He hugged her waist but only briefly, so that he could bunch the back of her little frock up on her butt.

“Don’t wrinkle it! It’s dry clean only.”

“You’re going to leave it in a pile on the floor. You leave everything in a pile on the floor.”

“That is categorically false,” Christina scoffed with a finger in his chest. “I always fold my things nicely.”

“Except when it’s a dress and you want to get in bed.” The Spaniard dipped his head to get access to her neck, and she had to roll her eyes at the singular focus on sex. It didn’t surprise her at all that he could go from being fully ensconced in restaurant opening storytelling and reveling one minute and then decide that he was finished with that and ready to get down to business the next.

“I think you’re the one wanting bed here, mister.” His ex-girlfriend wasn’t necessarily in the same mood. She wasn’t desperate for him all night or anything, so she couldn’t be flipped on like a switch, even with his lips caressing a route down the side of her neck.

“I am. I’m not hurrying though,” Juan assured when he ran out of skin and hit red silk instead.

“Good. We have a lot of catching up to do outside of bed first, and are you even allowed to be doing rigorous physical activity in bed?” Christina looked at him with furrowed brows when he stood up straight again. Her heels were tall enough to make them level. I prefer looking up at him, she thought absently while he kind of chuckled at her expression. “What are the rules for groin injuries? Schü’s never had that before.”

“I can’t do some of the things you like,” he told her with a phony pout.

“What a travesty.”

“Do you need a drink, or a snack?”

“I need to take my shoes off, and actually...can we do our catching up outside of bed in bed?” I need to catch up with his arm around me, and his pillow talk voice. I missed him, she sighed inside, blue eyes to blue eyes. What happened outside the BVB team hotel made it easy to ignore the confusing feelings she tiptoed between for the first few weeks of her trip abroad. Sometimes she thought she missed hooking up with him. At other times she longed to just be near enough to him to know for sure that he wasn’t bullshitting her when he said he was really okay with the implications of his injury. Some nights when they talked well past his bedtime, Christina felt almost upset that she couldn’t touch him or feel his touch. She wished he were there with her to make the horse show more fun. He talked to her like the performance coach he suggested to her over the winter- encouraging her to think positively about her results, to set higher priorities when she said she didn’t care about certain classes, and to remember the reason she was there. He listened when she told him how scared she was about the future in terms of things like people blowing up football team busses. He listened to all the things she didn’t think it prudent to try to talk to her husband about, and that meant something.

That meant, she suspected, that she needed him. There was no doubt that she needed André too, so it just further reinforced that she was still stuck in her unique dichotomy. In a quiet moment at Juan’s dad’s bar, while she finished a third glass of wine and watched him move about the restaurant to sign off and say goodnight to people, she realized that the Spaniard wasn’t wrong to believe he was in a relationship with her. They weren’t just friends anymore, or friends and fuck buddies, or best friends who sometimes kissed and had sex. They had their own partnership, and time apart was as difficult on it as it was on her other partnership. She didn’t know how sustainable their situation was, or how damaging it could be to her marriage, or if it was more important than the marriage. So the idea of getting into Juan’s bed and cozying up for a chat was like a relief from the tension brewing in the back of her mind. He made tea for her, and a spot for her to snuggle into and then ignore the tea.

“Are you relieved, satisfied, proud, or just happy that the restaurant is open now and you don’t have to worry about getting it up and running anymore?” she inquired once installed there. The two faced one another, one on his elbow and the other hugging a pillow, at close range. They were both half-covered by a khaki comforter, and both in black t-shirts. Christina was relieved, satisfied, and happy just to be in that bed, but not proud.

“All of those, I guess. Tomorrow we can start worrying about it breaking even, or turning profit,” the footballer chuckled. “Tonight I just enjoy. I enjoy you too,” he added with a different sort of smile. “I think going away was good for you, even if you didn’t love every minute. You look...different.”

“I always get baked crispy in Miami.”

“No, more than a tan. You look like you do when we go to the beach house, like you forget the things bothering you.”

“That’s not because I went away,” the rider snorted. “That’s because I’m with you- because you’re close enough that I can smell you, and poke you.” She reached her finger into the hole where his collarbones met, and rubbed up and down over a tiny spot. “Believe me, I came home with plenty on my mind, and it’s been there all night.”

“Like what?”

“Don’t make me,” she whined. “It’s just things we have had a million conversations about, and I’ve been so much happier recently because we don’t have them anymore, so let’s not do it again. Let me keep pretending what we have and what we do is normal and doesn’t require examination.”

“Tonight, okay, but baby girl...some day...it does need to be examined.” Chelsea’s out of commission playmaker looked her in the eye, but Christina’s placid baby blues were fixed on his neck still. That didn’t mean she couldn’t make out his serious countenance. That didn’t mean she couldn’t figure out that he knew their partnership had to mean something, and that the something it meant might be that her other partnership needed to be changed. That didn’t mean she couldn’t figure out that he was getting impatient about being sucked into a relationship with her that was incredibly unfair to him, and disproportionately so compared to everyone else involved. He was really getting the short end of the deal. He had a partner to share his life with, and the one that he most definitely wanted, but she was hardly there to share it in real time, he couldn’t tell anyone about it, he had to pretend it wasn’t real whenever he was outside the safety of his apartment, her old home, a hotel, or the beach house, he had to endure all the nights on which he knew his partner was with someone else, and he had to try not to hate that his partner was willing to make him go through all of that for her instead of just giving up her other relationship to be with him for real.

“I’m just trying to be like you and have faith that everything turns out the best way. I want to...like...let it play out and see what happens. Is that okay? Or do we need to change things?” Christina took the easy way out. Saying she was trying to borrow some of his faith wasn’t a lie, exactly, but it wasn’t exactly the truth either. She had little belief that her future would happen the best way if she left it up to fate instead of careful planning and contemplation. She also couldn’t “just” try to have the belief. She had to examine. She was naturally very introspective. She couldn’t leave well enough alone. She also couldn’t bear ruining her one night with Juan by dragging them both into that introspective place.

“If it wasn’t okay then I would have told you,” he shrugged, temporarily removing his temple from his fist so that he could scratch at his chin. “I don’t like how things are but I like it better than anything else there is.”

“Me too.” Christina leaned across the small bit of bed sheet between them to smooch his lips.