#my dad and older sibling were present for this and I got the sense I was saying something wrong because they were just looking at me like 😐

[ratingboomercomics]

So I wanted to post a gay comic for pride month but when I looked up “gay boomer comic”(and I cannot emphasize enough)the only results were either homophobic or furries(idk what this was about but there was so much furries). Luckily Gary Larson came through. My friend in trying times

I gotta give this one 9/10 I think, I love Gary Larson obviously, it’s a solid pun, and I love the cow lesbian bar, that’s iconic(I always get a kick out of the cows)but it’s not the best Far Side out there. The best one is Cow Tools obviously

[adult-kinda]

First Impressions Matter

Warnings: fluff, college student Jay, profanity, Jay is just so boyfriend coded I cried writing this

In which Jay does everything in his power to make sure that meeting your family goes well…

“Are you sure you wanna do that?” You asked at lunch.

Jay nodded casually. “I don’t see what the issue is. It’s about time, don’t you think so?”

The topic at hand? Him meeting your family. Jay is an amazing guy and as far as you can tell there are no flaws. But your family is very strict about who you date and they can be very pushy people at times. Your younger siblings are the worst about it, always asking about who Jay is. But for Jay he thought after hitting the four month mark he was more than ready to meet the family.

“I don’t know, Jay. They can be a lot and my dad is very protective.” You said hesitantly.

Jay grabbed your hand gently which caused you to look up at him.

“Hey I’m not gonna push this if you don’t want me to. I just think it would be good for them to know who I am sooner rather than later.” He said honestly.

Jay’s words gave you a sense of comfort that your last relationship couldn’t provide. That’s also why you were scared to have Jay come over. The last guy did not work out too well having showed up too casually in sweats and no full sentences. But Jay was different; he was perfect. He could manage your family’s high demands.

“Okay.” You said.

Jay’s eyebrows shot up. “Okay like I can meet them?”

You nodded smiling at his excitement.

“I’ll ask my mom when she would like to do this.”

Saturday arrived and you were pacing in your room. Thursday evening after school you asked your family if they would like to meet Jay and that was all it took. Your siblings cleaned around the house, your mother purchased the best meats at the store, and your dad shined his pistol. Now the day had come and you were panicking.

Jay texted you throughout the day words of encouragement and when he was leaving to ease your anxiety. It worked but as it got closer to 6:30 you got more and more nervous. You made sure to where your best outfit to make a good impression on Jay in the event that your family failed to.

Your phone buzzed and it was Jay.

The next thing you heard was the doorbell ring. You ran downstairs to try and beat your family but they were already there ready to answer. Your younger brother was the one to open the door.

“Who are you?” He asked with a frown.

Jay smiled politely. “Hi I’m here for Y/N’s family! I’m assuming you’re Baekhyun?”

Your little brother gasped with wide eyes.

“You know me?” He asked with shock.

Jay crouched down to his 10 year old figure.

“I do! In fact I know you so well I got you this game you’ve been wanting.” He says as he pulled a video game out of the gift bag he carried.

Baekhyun happily took the gift and laughed.

“Noona your boyfriend is Santa! I like him!”

You chuckled and watched as Jay stood up properly to meet your father.

“Hello Mr. Jung! I am Park Jeonseong but you may know me as my English name Jay. It is wonderful to meet you sir.” He said as he bowed.

Your father raised an eyebrow and took his hand to shake it.

“Well hello Jay! Welcome to our home.” He said with surprise. This was definitely a 360 from the last guy you tried to bring.

Jay took out a box from the bag and presented it to your father.

“Your daughter mentioned that you enjoy watching American basketball, specifically the Los Angeles Lakers. I hope you don’t mind but I was able to find a limited edition pen for you. I hope you enjoy it sir.” Jay presented the box which had your dad’s name engraved on it too.

The older man was very impressed. Clearly Jay put a lot of thought into his first impression and he was doing a damn good job.

“Why thank you Jay! This will go right on my desk! Please take off your shoes and come in!”

With that Jay slipped off his nice dress shoes and stepped into the guest slippers you laid out for him.

“So this is the most handsome Jay my daughter speaks of!” Your mom said excitedly.

Jay chuckled and bowed to her. “Hello Mrs. Jung! I have heard many great things about you and your cooking so I am very excited to meet you!”

Your mom opened her arms for a hug.

“Ah come here you! And just call me mom!”

Jay gladly took her hug invitation with a smile. When he pulled away he took a set of neatly folded aprons out of the bag.

“My mother helped me pick these out for you, I hope you enjoy wearing them.”

Your mom just about lost it. Did he really get a gift for each family member? Now that was how to make an entrance.

“Oh my stars let me put this on right now! Thank you so much Jay!”

He nodded and shifted his attention to your 14 year old sister who was gawking at the man in front of you guys.

Jay looked up at you briefly with a raised brow.

“And I’m going to assume that you’re Minji?” He asked.

She nodded with heart eyes. Honestly you couldn’t fault her, Jay was a handsome man.

“I’m also single.” She said.

Jay chuckled. “Well I’m not but I heard something about you wanting to marry Jungkook so…” he pulled out the BTS seven album. Minji gasped and almost cried. She had been saving up for that album!

“Oh my gosh you didn’t!”

“Oh I did!”

“Oh my gosh sis you literally have to keep him! Aaaahhhhh!” Minji practically screamed.

She happily took the album and went to unbox it on the couch.

Jay finally took a proper look at you and smiled with a blush.

“Well hello Miss Y/N!” He said jokingly.

You giggled at his politeness and went in to kiss him before he backed you off.

“Out of respect for your dad I’ll kiss your hand.” He said before he planted a kiss to the back of your hand.

You blushed at his actions. He was definitely making an impression.

“I’m surprised you remembered those details over the months!” You commented.

Jay shrugged. “Well I’ve been taking notes. Enough notes to remember your bouquet of eucalyptus, white roses, and baby’s breath.”

Your smile beamed and Jay felt like he was on top of the world. Making you happy felt like his new purpose in life. He would do anything to make you smile.

“Thank you so much, baby!” You said happily.

He followed you to the kitchen to put the arrangement in a proper vase.

“Sweetie why don’t you take Jay to your room, if it’s clean.” Your mom suggested.

You groaned at her last words. “Mom of course it’s clean!”

“Not always!”

You quickly took Jay upstairs to your room and just as you were about to close the door your dad shouted from downstairs.

“Open door policy tonight!”

You groaned annoyed with his words. Jay took a seat on your bed and looked around. The room was about what he expected from you; mostly organized, pastels, it was just you.

He looked up at you with a smirk. “Nice room you got here.”

You rolled your eyes and sat on his lap. “Better than yours.” You said referring to the many times you’ve been at his house.

“Hey I changed the bed sheets to white because of you so you’re welcome!”

You chuckled and leaned into him.

“So far so good huh?” He asked.

You nodded in his chest. “Better than I anticipated. And definitely way better than last time.”

Jay nodded and lifted your chin.

“Well now that we’re in your room…”

You looked at him mischievously.

“Yes…”

“I think I can finally kiss you without repercussions.” Jay said.

You chuckled and leaned in to meet his lips. He was pleasantly surprised by the new strawberry chapstick you wore specifically for tonight. He liked it a lot. Probably too much because there was a sudden knock followed by an ew! at your door.

“Sis mom said to tell you the food is ready! So disgusting.” Baekhyun said before heading downstairs.

Jay chuckled as you groaned annoyed with his behavior.

“I thought it was gonna be one kiss, it’s been like five minutes!” You complained.

Jay skidded you off of him and straightened himself up.

“I’ll make time for that later princess. Now let’s go eat!”

“Wow! The food was absolutely amazing Mrs. Jung!” Jay commented with a stuffed belly.

Your mom waved him off. “Oh please call me mom! And it doesn’t take much, just a little bit of love!”

You smiled happily. So far everything had gone right. The food was amazing, when your siblings tried things Jay went along with it, even your dad was impressed!

“So Jay, tell me about yourself.” Your dad requested.

Jay took a sip of water to prep himself. “Well sir, I am a full time student at the same university as your daughter and I work part time with my father. He has a company based in Seattle Washington in America so he travels quite a bit for work. I am studying business and plan to inherit the company and expand it here in Korea. I also play rugby for the university. I am fluent in English and am currently studying Japanese. Is there anything else that you would like to know about me sir?”

So far your dad was further impressed. He seemed to check most of the boxes but he still had one big question.

“Yeah, why my daughter?”

“Honey! I’m so sorry about him!” Your mother apologized.

You even gave your dad a look.

“No no it’s okay. Sir I think that’s a good question but the better question is why not your daughter? She is one of the most kind, caring, smart, beautiful individuals I know. She can adapt any role anyone needs her to be. When I need to talk she listens, when I need advice she gives it, when I need rest she lets me, and when I need attention she offers it. She is the first person everyone trusts. I have never met someone I could just look at and know I want to marry that person as soon as I can but she has that impact on me. This is a lovely family here and you all are amazing people. I know that I want to build what you have built sir and I want to build it with Y/N.”

The room went silent. You could almost hear a pin drop. You were in a bit of shock. No one had ever declared their love for you in that way.

“That shit was cute as fuck!” Your sister said with a quiet sob.

You hit her arm for ruining the moment.

“Minji watch the language!” Your mother said with a proud smile.

Your father unexpectedly stood up and walked over to Jay causing him to do the same. His face showed no emotion as Jay tried to hold his composure.

Then your father stuck his hand out and pulled Jay in for a hug.

“Welcome to the family, son.” He said with a newfound smile.

You smiled with tears pricking your eyes. Jay made sure you had no reason to regret your decision. He saw you and gave you a cheesy wink. All you could do was smile.

“Well that was wonderful Jay! And if everyone is finished I will get started on dishes.” Your mom said.

You quickly jumped up to help her, another thing Jay loved about you.

“Hyung do you play video games?” Baekhyun asked.

Jay smirked coolly. “Are you kidding? I’m a god at Call of Duty man!”

Before Baekhyun could drag him off your dad motioned him toward his study. You looked over with concern.

“What’s he doing, mom?”

Your mom shrugged as she ran hot water. “Who knows, it’s your father after all.”

Jay had no concern as he entered the study until he saw the pistol laying on the desk.

“Relax, son. I’m not gonna kill you it’s just for intimidation purposes.”

Jay relaxed in the chair and looked at your father with the most respect he could muster.

“Now my Y/N is my first born and I do not mess around when it comes to my children. I trust you but if she ever comes home hurt I will hunt you down, CEO or not.”

“I understand sir. I will do my best to keep her happy.” Jay responded.

Your dad nodded. “Good. She’s a great daughter but she can be stubborn like her mom. You gotta have a lot of patience with her. She’s also nervous about relationships. You’re probably aware of the last guy, he showed up in sweats so dress pants and a sweater is a nice change of pace.”

Jay chuckled at your dad’s words. “Yes sir she was actually concerned about me meeting everyone because of the last experience.”

“And she proceeded to stay with him for another 8 months or so? He was horrible. Now I don’t expect to see that behavior from you young man. I’m trusting you with her.”

After a while they finally came out of the study. Your mom watched how you looked at Jay with a smile.

“Go be with him!” She instructed.

You nodded and dried your hands to be with your man.

“So?”

“Everything is perfect, my dear!” He said calming.

You gave him the warmest hug. Jay would always cure your anxieties, that you could count on.

“Ice cream?” You asked muffled my his shirt.

He looked down at you with a raised brow.

“Ya’know, to celebrate!” You added.

Jay smiled and planted a kiss on your lips. “Grab your shoes, I’ll negotiate with the parents.”

You rushed upstairs only to find notes on your bed from your siblings.

Y/N he’s a good guy! He got me COD! I like him. Can we keep him?

Big sis thank you for showing me what love is supposed to look like. I need to find a guy as amazing as Jay.

You smiled and slid on a pair of shoes. As you got back downstairs your younger siblings were pestering Jay.

“Hyung I want ice cream too!”

“You can introduce me to your friends!”

“Okay that’s enough you two! Baekhyun I think it’s time your sister and I to enjoy our time together, yeah? And Minji you are 14 you have plenty of time to find a boyfriend who is your age!” Jay said

You quickly jumped in to save the day. “Ready?”

Jay smiled and nodded. “They gave me the okay so let’s go!”

The moment you both got in the car you let out a breath you didn’t know you guys had been holding.

“Did you mean everything you said at the table?” You asked.

Jay looked over at you and smirked. “Every last word. I’m gonna marry you and have a life with you. I mean that.”

That’s all it took for you to reach over a kiss your man. You accepted all of his love, his passion, you took all that he gave you. It broke Jay to pull away.

“Okay let’s head out of here before we start something we can’t finish!”

And with that he drove away to Baskin Robbin’s making sure to have you home by 12:00. Jay assured you that he understood how important first impressions were and we was going to make sure he made a good one every time.

[911is]

My thoughts on the Diaz mostly Helena and Eddie's relationship.

____________________________________

I think the reason why Eddie’s parents especially Helena are so hard on him and so neglectful towards how is he and his feelings. Is because Eddie has always been around Helena; there has probably never been a moment where kid Eddie and Helena were separated. This makes Eddie biased and a mama's boy (at that age) and probably up until they took Chris.

But yeah yeah it’s always been Eddie and his mom together, which means Eddie had noticed his dad wasn’t around a lot and just unconsciously stepped into this role of being everything his mom needed, so that means helping around the house and just being an all around good kid for her. Obviously he got to do kid things; but the older he got the more he picked up on just be there and taking care of his mother.

So you have a barely present father and it’s you and your mom in this house together and Eddie is a person who’s always been anybody else but himself for other people. And this is where it starts.

And now Eddie’s got a new sibling on the way and his dad is telling him “step up and be a man” and Eddie is no longer having a sense of self; he’s a Son, he’s going to be a brother and now he needs to be a man. So the feeling of taking care of his mother grows and Helena is no longer seeing Eddie as a kid, she’s starting to see him as a person she can rely on.

( I don’t know how far apart in age the three of them are)

Helena has Adriana and Ramon isn’t there but Eddie was and his first thought was that he needed to get his mom to the hospital quickly. So what he does is he gets into his father car and tries to pull it around for his mom to get in. But since he’s a literal kid and doesn’t know how to drive he crashes the car. And when his dad finally gets back and sees that he doesn’t think good job for trying son; it’s probably what were you thinking and you’re grounded.

And the same thing with Sophia Ramon isn’t there in the beginning of it; he literally says in a episode I wasn’t there in the beginning but I made i always make it to the best part which Is the baby is born and he gets to hold them. but more than likely Eddie was there during the start.

And then Ramon was probably off again which left Eddie with Helena and his two sisters. And Eddie’s taking more of a caring role: he’s making his sisters breakfast probably because Helena is too tired and he’s probably helping out more around the house than usual cause his father can’t/isnt.

So once again Eddie isn’t seen as a little boy in his parent's eyes now, especially Helena. He's her rock, her little man, and her biggest helper. She more than likely relies on him to be that for her.

So now Eddie's this adultifed kid that mom leans on and he's seen even more as an adult at eighteen; becuse now Eddie has Chris and now it solidified what Helena and Ramon already made Eddie out to be a Man a adult.

So Helena can't be more sensitive towards Eddie because its set in her mind Eddie should know better and do better by now.

And I haven't gotten into the fact that maybe she and Ramon probably sees Chris as a second chance to raise a kid in their own vision.

Helena especially, this is my opinion that she sees Chris the way she never got to see Eddie.

A kid that she can baby a son that needs her that relies on her. She wants to right a wrong, it is why she was so adamant about getting Eddie and Chris to stay out in El Paso with her and Ramon.

And I can honestly go on about this in more detail but I won't cause this post is already too long.

[poppadom0912]

His Girl

Warnings: Brief mentions of the Burke drama and Hannah's overdose situation, Will's dating life?

Summary: Through all the women in his life, at the end, only one ever truly mattered.

A/N: Just because I want to, I'm changing a few things around just for the plot. I was inspired by several fics on ao3 about singlefather!Will so i thought i'd make this part of my Faith Halstead series. Hope you enjoy!!

This is my last fic of the year. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and will have a wonderful new year. Fingers crossed 2024 will be our year. See you all next year!!!

Faith's mother had never been present. It had always been just Faith and Will from day one and he never saw a reason for that to change till he moved back home to Chicago.

Then Will's favourite duo became a trio, Jay unsurprisingly becoming a staple in their lives. Will didn't see any reason to change this dynamic when everyone was happy.

But then he met a few women who changed some things.

Natalie was the first to some degree. There were feelings on both sides but she had a newborn son and a mother-in-law who didn't like him for some reason. Their kiss was a 'mistake' and so he moved on.

Nina was his first official girlfriend since moving back and his hesitancy to get back into the dating scene was as clear as day. So they took it as slow as necessary.

Will was scared. He liked Nina relatively and they were at a point where he was comfortable enough to introduce her to Faith but the lingering fear of abandonment remained. He didn't want to introduce a female and a possible maternal figure into her life just for them to leave.

Luckily, Faith was just touching five when they broke up and he finally got with Natalie.

Those two to three years could be described as near bliss.

He loved Natalie and to see how she took Faith in with open arms, he could've cried on the spot right then. And she was the perfect older sister to Owen, three years her younger, getting along as though they were blood related siblings and being as thick as thieves.

"Hey bubbles." Will called out. His nerves radiating as he sat down besides his daughter on the floor with her toys splayed out on the carpet.

"How would you feel about papa and Natalie getting married?" He asked, apprehension lacing his words. Marriage and having a mother were topics Will often breached with Faith but it had never got this serious and he'd never do anything to this degree without having Faith's permission.

But the second her brown eyes lit up as bright as the stars in the sky, Will felt like everything was finally coming together and for once, he could give his daughter everything she wanted and deserved.

Faith was seven when everything came tumbling down.

She'd been with the bridal party when everything unfolded. She tried remaining naive to the nerves of the bride who she had yet to start calling mum. She tried remaining oblivious at the church when her dad hadn't shown up yet but she sobbed her little heart out when Will was dragged away from her into witness protection.

For the first time in her life, Faith didn't have her dad and she didn't know what to do with herself. Nothing made sense to her, living in a house with Natalie and Owen but not her papa.

When uncle Jay Jay brought him back though, Faith's world was glued back together again, she could finally breathe and for a second everything went back to normal and she thought they'd get the happy ending they deserved.

But then Natalie, the only motherly figure she had besides Maggie, broke up with Will and wouldn't let the duo back into her life.

That was the first ever heartbreak Faith experienced and somewhere deep down, she wasn't sure she was ever going to forgive Natalie for putting her and her papa through such pain like they hadn't been through so much already.

Her newly turned hatred was made apparent. Once the father and daughter moved out, whenever Faith found herself visiting the ED, she actively tried avoiding the woman and if they happened to stumble upon each other, Faith would send the hardest glare a seven-year-old could muster and not even a hi was exchanged.

Natalie's hurt didn't make Faith feel too guilty. She only felt a little bad when Will gently scolded her for being so cold to the woman who was supposed to be her mother once upon a time.

Faith was eight when she was introduced to Hannah. Ever since Natalie, Will had been more hesitant than ever to get into a relationship. The pain Faith went through post breaking up with Natalie had been long lasting and the thought of that happening again deterred Will from the dating scene.

But surprisingly, Faith was the first to propose he go forth with whatever his feelings for Hannah were. Somewhere deep down, apparently, Faith had a soft spot for the OBGYN that gave Will the confidence to move forward.

However, fast forward one year and no disrespect towards Hannah, but if Will could go back in time, he would've changed things.

Will could never forget the events that unfolded that night.

He was coming back from work, you were with Hannah at her apartment, spending the night together which made Will feel some sort of way knowing how well the two were getting along.

The apartment was pin drop silent when he entered which was surprising since it was a weekend and Faith always begged with her puppy eyes to stay up, Hannah could never resist them.

Just as he was taking his jacket off, he heard a familiar cry that caused the hair on his arms to stand on end, his head snapping up at the sound.

Will moved faster than he ever did before, taking large strides towards the distressing cries he barely heard from his little girl as she got older.

"Bubbles, what's-" Will cut himself off as he rounded the corner and caught himself in the bathroom doorway, gripping the doorframe so he wouldn't trip from how fast he was moving.

"Papa!" Faith's voice cracked as she cried. The second she saw her father; she scrambled up from where she was sat on her knees on the ground. "I w- I was just going to brush my teeth when I heard a bang and, and I found her..."

Faith sobbed into her father’s shirt, back turned to the unconscious woman on the floor, her face pushing into his torso as though she could burn away the image from her mind but she had seen enough.

Will immediately switched back on. "Bubbles, listen to me. I need you to go into her room and get that big bag that papa has at home and bring it. Can you do that for me Faith?"

Faith hiccupped, rubbing her red eyes as she nodded up at her dad. Will pressed a quick kiss onto her temple before watching her scramble out the bathroom allowing him to give all his attention to his girlfriend.

It was safe to say, that night did quite a number on Faith and Will found himself taking the blame.

Now in present time, Will hadn't dated anyone since Hannah. He talked to a few women at work and if things had been so much more simpler, something could've happened but then everything flashed before his eyes and he stopped himself.

Faith was eleven now and she was still the sole focus of his life besides work. He could never forgive himself for what he put her through with the women he tried bringing into their lives only for it to never work out.

In the end though, when all was done it seemed that just the two of them survived and thrived perfectly alone.

When Faith first came into Will's life, it was just the two of them battling alone together in a world neither could navigate and eleven years later, it was a little easier but there was still so much Will wished he could get rid of just for her sake.

The sound of the car door opening broke him out of his thoughts, his head turning as he smiled at his dishevelled daughter.

"Hey, how was school?" Will asked, softly smiling at her messy braid, tucking back the fly away hairs behind her ears before pulling away from the school.

Faith hummed, fiddling with her beaded bracelet. "Was good, I have a permission slip you need to sign."

"I'll do it tonight after work, make sure to remind me." Will told her as he started driving towards his brothers and sisters-in-law’s place. Despite his failing love life, his younger brother managed to settle down and Hailey loved Faith despite the short amount of time she knew her.

"Papa-" Faith stumbled over her words, picking the skin around her nails as she tried to form her question. "Um, are you happy?"

Will was caught off guard. His eyes widened a little as he took one hand off the wheel to stop Faith from picking her skin, his tutting making her stop instantly.

"What? Why would you ask that bubbles? Of course I am, I'm more than happy." Will answered confidently, looking at her at a red light to try understand what was going through her mind.

"Why? What happened at school?" Will's tone changed at the thought of someone saying something bad to his little girl.

"No! No! It was nothing like that I promise!" Faith hastily answered before her dad could turn the car back around to give the school a piece of his mind.

"It's just, you haven't gone on a date since Hannah..." Faith licked her lips nervously as she brought up Will's ex who didn't have the best lasting effects on them. "Is it because of me?"

"Of course not. Why would you think that?" Will asked her calmly, completely confused as to why she was thinking in such a way. "I promise you bubbles that I'm happy. You're all I need Faith."

While he drove, Will took a quick glance over to his right and found himself smiling at the adorable face Faith was making. Her eyes squinted from how hard she was smiling to herself at her father's comment.

"C'mere you little gremlin." Will said, welcoming how fast she got up from her seat to be enveloped into his arms. Squeezing as tight as he could, Will made sure not to suffocate her before pressing a kiss onto her hairline.

"Alright, love you lots. Have fun-"

"But not too much fun. I'll keep Uncle Jay in line." Faith rolled her eyes, already knowing what her dad was going to say since he'd been saying the same thing all her life.

Watching his not so baby girl run out the car and towards her uncle's home, Will felt his heart flutter, his chest all warm.

Yeah, he's made some questionable decisions regarding his love life but there was not one mistake made when it came to Faith. When everything came tumbling down, she was all that mattered and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

[autistichalsin]

I love my mom but the lying and guilt tripping gets to be so much sometimes.

IE she overheard me talking about getting my brother a ticket to fly to comic con with us. She got pissed about money (fair enough I guess since he still lives with her and my dad) but then I brought up we were helping, and she got mad at me saying she missed my college graduation because of money so why didn't we help?

I just about lost it. I BEGGED her to come. I offered to pay for all the hotels or plane tickets. She's scared of flying so wouldn't do that, and won't let my dad go anywhere without her, so that was a no. And she said the drive was way too long, she'd be really uncomfortable, and my dad couldn't take that long off work.

She didn't come because she didn't think it was important. Bottom line.

In fact, I even mentioned at one point before the graduation I was grateful, as much as the pandemic sucked, that the graduation would be getting livestreamed because it meant she and my dad would see it no matter what. And she (granted, drinking at the time, but still) said it was horrible for me to celebrate people dying just so I could have a graduation.

EVERY TIME I brought up my graduation, she never showed the slightest interest, nor the slightest bit of sympathy that she was missing it. She went out of her way to blame me, act like I was the one being unreasonable. She continued showing absolutely no interest for my Masters graduation, so that I ended up not even bothering to travel (online program) because I knew no one would be there for me anyway, so why bother.

I didn't even get to go to my high school graduation, because it was an online program on the other side of the state. I had to be held back a year when depression hampered my academic performance, and my older siblings had already dropped out; in desperation, trying to motivate me not to do the same, my dad promised me that if I made it, they would too. So I worked through, got the credits I needed... and nope. My mom screamed that my dad spent too much on getting the car up to pass inspection standards (how does that even make sense) and that we therefore couldn't afford to go. So I didn't get to attend that either.

And you know what? Honestly, I made my peace with it- with the fact that my mom will never care about me the way she cares about my sister, that she just doesn't think my successes are worth celebrating (unless she can brag to someone online to seem like a good parent, I guess) and lacks the empathy to understand why me having my parents with me at major life events is a big deal. I worked through that and made my peace with it and have quietly decided I am not even going to bother inviting them to any future events I have, unless maybe I get married one day, I guess, though I feel she'd still try to find excuses not to go to that if it was more than a four hour drive from her.

I could deal with all that. But she fucking LIED about it to guilt trip me. She lied that she WANTED to come and it was money preventing her. That I never tried to help her get to me. And that's the part that hurts the most. That she wasn't there to celebrate when it mattered, but now has the nerve to lie about it and play victim, as though I'm the reason she wasn't there.

She always does this shit! When I was a senior in undergrad, there was an undergraduate research symposium everyone in my major was required to present at. It was ALSO on Zoom, so no excuse not to make it. I asked her and my dad multiple times if they'd like to see my present my research paper on a Japanese death cult and the effects it had on Japanese culture. They BOTH declined. So I invited my grandma, who was happy to be invited, and my best friend even walked her through setting up Zoom for the first time. AFTER the event, when I was telling my mom and dad on the phone about my grandma loving my presentation, THEN my mom got livid and said she had NEVER been invited, and of COURSE she would have come if she had the chance, why did I invite my grandma and not her?

She doesn't want to share in important things with me but then she gets pissed if I then share them with others instead. I guess she wants to feel so important that her declining would make me refuse entirely instead (as with my Masters degree ceremony?) I don't know.

I'm just tired of this man.

[topazy]

Tomorrow's promise

Pairing: Daryl Dixon × reader, Rick Grimes × sister reader

Warnings: Swearing

Chapter: 3.05

There is a striking absence of noise during breakfast aside from the occasional sound of Jace’s babbling and spoons scraping bowls. It was too quiet—no conversation, no small talk of any kind, not even gunshots lingering in the background outside. The uneasy tension causes the hairs on your arms and neck to raise.

In-between observing Jace attempt to feed himself mushy oatmeal, you watch as Carl picks at his food; he looks so lost. Everyone present was trying their best to look out for him, but he was only beginning to mourn his mom’s death. Sensing you were being watched, you look across the table you’re sitting at to the concrete steps leading to the next room and meet Daryl’s gaze. You hadn’t spoken to him yet that morning, and since there was an unspoken vow of silence, it didn’t feel appropriate to even say good morning.

With the feeling of Daryl’s lips pressing against your own, heat rushes to your face. Just as you start to feel lost in the moment he pulls away, his lips are now ghosting yours. You start to grow nervous when he doesn't say anything, but he finally breaks the silence, whispering, “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

Placing your hand on the back of his head, you pull him in for another kiss.

“Everybody okay?”

You’re almost startled to hear your brother's voice. As part of his grief, he had been avoiding everyone, including his new baby. You spin around to face him and are glad to see he looks better than when you saw him in the early hours of the morning, his hair, face, and clothes soaked in Walker blood.

After a long pause, Maggie answers, “Yeah, we are.”

You share a look with Hershel, who’s sitting beside you at the table; he had already tried to get through to Rick that he was being reckless and putting his life in danger, but he didn’t listen. The older man looks up at him and says, “What about you?”

“I cleared out the boiler block.”

You hear concern in Daryl’s voice when he asks, “How many were there?”

“I don’t know. A dozen, two dozen. I have to get back. I just wanted to check on Carl.”

You try your best to keep any hints of frustration out of your tone. He could hardly look at the sweet baby girl sleeping in Beth’s arms. “Stay here; rest. We can take the bodies out; you don’t need to do this alone.”

“No, I do.” He walks past you and goes over to Daryl. “Everyone has a gun and a knife?”

Daryl briefly meets your gaze; he swallows the rest of the food in his mouth before answering. “Yeah. We’re running low on ammo, though. Lily and Glenn are going on a supply run this afternoon to get bullets and baby formula, and we cleared out the generator room. Axel’s they’re trying to fix it in case of emergency... We’re going to sweep the lower levels as well.”

“Good. Good.”

When Rick walks out of the cell block, Hershel yells his name, but your brother ignores him. The older man sighs, “It might be time for tough love from a sibling.”

You both nod and settle Jace into Hershel’s arms before standing. Just as you go to leave, you feel a presence behind you and turn to see Carl looking up at you. His eyes widened with worry.

“Aunt Lily?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I go with Daryl and Oscar to clear out the ground floor? I asked Daryl earlier, but he says I need to check with you first.”

His words stung; right now, you were his only parental figure. You straighten the sheriff’s hat on his head and force a smile. “Sure, as long as you listen to what he says.”

“Do you think you’ll get through to my dad?”

“I hope so, munchkin.”

—

“Rick…Rick…” When your brother doesn’t respond to you calling his name for the third time, you say the one thing you know will get his attention, “Richard.”

He freezes just as he reaches the door leading outside. Rick slowly turns back around to face you, frowning. He says, “Nobody ever called me that, but dad.”

“I know,” you say, shaking your head as you walk towards him. “But it got you to stop, didn’t it?”

You had spent roughly twenty minutes trying to find him, and with each passing minute, you became terrified that something bad had happened. He had gotten himself killed by trying to take on too many walkers at once. When you open your mouth to speak, he waves his hand dismissively. “Lily, just don’t.”

Irritated, you clicked your tongue. You felt for Rick; it was obvious he was suffering, but if he continued acting the way he was, Carl and the baby would soon become orphans. When he goes to open the door, you slam his door shut and step in front of it. “I’m worried about you, Rick. I’m worried you’re going to get yourself killed.”

“I’m fine.”

He tries to pull the door open, but you press your full weight against it, stopping him. Rick’s grip on the ax in his hand is so tight, his knuckles turn white. You could hear the walkers outside snarling close by, and Rick was in no fit state to take them on himself. “But what about Carl and your daughter? They need you; I need you.”

You don’t even realize you’re crying until you taste the saltiness of tears on your lips.

“How do I move on from this?” He asks. “How do I even begin to recover from this?”

“I don’t know,” you admit. “I sometimes think about the way we were before the world went to shit, and when I do, it hurts like hell, but it was different for me. The man I fell in love with died long before he died on the farm. I’m not going to tell you how to grieve, because hell if I know, but risking your life isn’t the way to do it.”

His eyes became glossy with unshed tears. “I haven’t even held her yet.”

You say nothing.

“Did you forgive them?”

You chew on your lower lip, struggling to answer him. Did you? In the pre-apocalypse you would have cut ties with both your fiancé and sister-in-law, but in the new world, you didn’t have that luxury to hold onto pain the same way you would have before.

“I was just—” He presses his head against the metal bars of the cell, a sob escaping from his mouth. “We were just beginning to forgive each other, and then she died, and now I’ll never know if we could have made it. But we’ll never know because both Lori and Shane are gone.”

Rick drops the ax in his hand and slides to the floor. You mirror his actions and sit down beside him. “What’s done is done. We can’t bring them back, but we need to keep it together for our kids. And you have a beautiful daughter waiting to meet her father.”

—

While you’re handing Jace over to Beth, Daryl walks over to your bunker. He tilts his head to greet the young girl before looking at you. “Hey, are you and Glenn just getting ready to go?”

“We are just getting ready to go now.”

He says nothing while observing you, checking your ammo, and swiping your knife into its sheath. Beth takes no notice of this because she is so focused on Jace reaching for her hair, not that she seems fazed by it. It’s not until you reach for the long-sleeved top at the end of the bed and place it over the vest top that Daryl finally says something again. “The area has already been checked out; there are hardly any dead roaming. Should be in and out quick.”

Although it seems like a general conversation, the look Daryl is giving you is reassuring. “Yeah?”

He raises his eyebrows and points at your hands. Your fingers were trembling while you pushed the buttons through the holes on the top. Daryl was the only one that noticed. “You worried?”

You sigh, “I’m not worried about the run; I just don’t like leaving Jace, Carl, and the baby when my brother is absent.”

Hershel would no doubt be running point in the cell block while Daryl cleared out the lower level of the prison, but you still couldn’t help but worry about leaving them. Beth was amazing with the babies, but you felt guilty whenever she watched them for too long. On the flip side, you still needed to do your share of supply runs.

“I’ll make sure nothing happens to them while you’re gone.”

You press your lips together and smile, “I know.”

“Yo Lily,” Glenn says, standing beside Daryl. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you guys soon.”

—

“We just hit the powdered formula jackpot,” Glenn says, holding the store’s door open with his foot so you can get by. “I can’t believe we have all this stuff.”

Aside from a few birds nesting inside the store, it looked as if nobody else had been in it in a long time. There were shelves full of baby formula, diapers, and bottles that you placed either in your backpack or in red baskets. You’d even managed to find some toys for the kids to play with. “Thank God, I’d hate to go back empty-handed.”

“And where is it y’all good people are calling home?”

Being startled by an unfamiliar voice, you drop the baskets to reach for your gun. The man in front of you had blood sprayed across his face and a large blade at the end of his wrist instead of a hand.

Glenn comes up behind you, looking confused. “Merle?”

The man lets out a laugh, places his gun on the ground, and starts to come closer. “Wow!”

“That’s far enough!”

“Okay, okay, honey. Jesus.”

“You made it,” Glenn says, sounding surprised.

Merle, Merle, Merle You knew that name but couldn’t place it, and then it finally clicked for you who this man is. “You’re Daryl’s brother?”

He nods, “Can you tell me, is he still alive? Huh?”

“Yeah.”

Merle looks genuinely relieved to know his brother is safe. “Hey, you take me to him, and I’ll call it even on everything that happened up there in Atlanta. No hard feelings, huh?” When he notices Glenn staring at the large blade, Merle laughs. “Oh yeah. Well, I found myself in a medical supply warehouse. I fixed it up myself. Pretty cool, huh?”

Glenn tries to reason with Merle by saying he’d bring Daryl to him, but you already knew that wasn’t going to work. Even if you hadn’t heard stories about Daryl’s brother being untrustworthy, one glance at him and you'd know he was trouble. Merle expected you to believe he had made it from Atlanta himself, and aside from the blood that belongs to someone else, he looked clean and relatively healthy. You look at the car behind Merle, and in its reflection, you see another gun in his back pocket. He notices you looking and lunges for you.

“Get off me!”

He wrestles you to the ground and holds the gun to your head. You try to wriggle out of his grip, but he places the blade in your throat, and you are completely trapped.

"Merle, put the gun down and let her go!” Glenn yells, “Put it down now!”

Merle presses the gun closer to your face, and you tremble with fear when you hear him clicking the safety off. You met Glenn’s gaze and shook your head slowly. “We will never tell you where our camp is.”

“Very mouthy for someone with a gun to her head,” he laughs. “Put the gun in the car, son.”

Glenn reluctantly follows his orders. By the look on his face, you know he’s in a silent agreement that, no matter what, you weren’t telling Merle a damn thing. You’d rather die than lead a man like that to your family. With all the commotion, the garbage-covered street was beginning to fill with walkers.

“Get in the car, Glenn; you’re driving. The three of us are going on a little road trip.”

[miguelswifey04]

can you do an african american reader w/ miguel? specifically a cultural one :))

love ur work btw!!!

YES OF COURSE!! though this will be from my perspective since i am both african american and mexican so i hope you still enjoy this <3

miguel o’hara x african american! reader

pure fluff; meeting your dad’s side of the family

miguel has always been culturally inclined to learn more about you and your culture since he found it appropriate to get to know every single aspect of you. yes, you were pretty and intelligent but he felt that if he could get to know your cultural background, you both could feel more interconnected. miguel always made sure to make you feel extra loved and did quite literally everything for you without you having to lift a finger. you pretty much got that princess treatment going on for yourself and you couldn’t be more thankful to the universe.

he’d compliment the way you curls fell on your face to the amazing smell of coconut oil that you’d put on your scalp to keep your kinky hair healthy. he admires every little thing about you. you’re perfect under his eyes, and he will always make it known. your connection is with miguel is a pure and sacred one. you’ve never felt more loved than by a man like miguel.

as you introduce miguel, your boyfriend, to your dad's side of the family at the cookout, the warm embrace of loved ones and the joyful chatter of conversation fills the air. the scent of grilled food and the vibrant colors of the gathering create a lively atmosphere.

miguel takes in the scene, observing the vibrant energy that fills the space. he feels a mixture of excitement and nervousness, wanting to make a good impression and show his genuine interest in your family and cultural background.

as you lead miguel through the gathering, you introduce him to each family member, highlighting the unique and diverse personalities that make up your dad's side of the family. miguel greets everyone with a warm smile and extends a genuine hand of friendship, eager to connect with each individual.

the older generations welcome miguel with open arms, sharing stories of their own experiences and embracing him as if he were their own. they appreciate his respectful demeanor, his curiosity, and his genuine effort to understand and appreciate their culture and traditions.

the younger cousins and siblings become instantly intrigued by miguel’s presence. they swarm around him excitedly, asking questions and sharing their own interests. miguel’s natural charm and wit shine through as he engages with them, laughing and joking, fostering a bond that transcends age.

throughout the day, miguel becomes immersed in the lively conversations, taking part in the rhythm of laughter and storytelling. he savors each bite of the delicious traditional dishes served, eager to experience and appreciate the flavors that hold deep cultural significance to your family.

while miguel may initially have felt some apprehension, witnessing the love and warmth that radiates from your family reassures him. the love they shower upon you pours over onto him, welcoming him into their embrace without hesitation. he feels the bond of family strengthening between him and your loved ones.

as the sun begins to set and the joyful festivities wind down, miguel takes a moment to reflect on the significance of this day. he realizes the privilege of being welcomed into your family, the rich tapestry of culture and history that is now a part of his own story.

with a deep sense of gratitude, mage knows that his connection with your family is not just about the present but also about the future. the bond he forms with your dad's side of the family shapes the foundation of a love built on acceptance, celebration of diversity, and the joy of shared experiences.

tags 🏷️; @kairiscorner @sabcandoit @meeom @emiemiemiii

[anamelessfool]

The Mission

Gen: Secondo & Family (600-ish words)

Tags: Domestic Fluff, Holidays, Children are extremely serious especially Secondo's, Secondo retired and moved away from the Ministry a decade ago, Secondo is disabled in my AU, Dad Secondo

Secondo's children enact the most important ritual of their entire year.

Blaming and tagging @riptide-kid for this

Ficlet below the cut!

“We all have to get up.” Eden stood by her parent's bed. Her eyes were enormous, blazing with determined intensity. Her round, pale face and lank hair gave her the appearance of some ghostly entity standing in the dark of the room. The littlest brother Sam was behind her, kneading his hands.

Secondo and Sandra were no strangers to their daughter’s habit of standing by their bedside with something cryptic to say. Maybe it was Secondo’s bloodline, or maybe the eight-year-old was just extra theatrical, it was hard to tell. Secondo didn't mind it all that much. Sometimes her mysterious statements became accurate portents.

Not this morning, though. They expected her here. In fact they were surprised it was this late. She was a very punctual child, with a strong sense of what was necessary.

No surprises there.

“Mommy, it's time. Everybody has got to get up.”

“Nope, this is your father's job,” Sandra muttered. She sleepily tapped his back. “Magician and man of the house and all that. I've got fifteen minutes until I'm getting up.”

“We need to hurry then,” Eden said solemnly. Sam nodded, still frowning.

“I'm getting up at the pace I'm getting up,” Secondo announced, pulling himself upright. He reached for his forearm crutch.”Go get Paul if you want somebody fast.”

“Paul! We forgot Paul!” Sam hissed. “We left him alone!”

“Well, go get him!” Eden ordered back. Sam slipped out the door to wake their older brother. Eden paced on the carpet.

Secondo snorted, shaking his head. “Serious business.”

“They take after you, dear,” Sandra replied from under the quilt.

The door opened and Sam dragged Paul in by the wrist. The teenager blinked slowly in the soft darkness, his hair looking like it was caught in a windstorm. “Whuh—”

“You and Daddy have to go check!” Eden insisted.

Paul tossed his head and he locked eyes with his father, his face now full of determination. Secondo watched his son struggle not to break character. “You're right. We need to make sure,” Paul announced in a hushed tone. Eden and little Sam hugged each other excitedly.

Secondo finally got the momentum to pull himself upright and onto his crutch. “You're the fastest of all of us,” Secondo told his oldest son. “You have to lead the mission this year. Good luck.”

“You can't let him see you,” Eden reminded him while Sam bobbed his head vigorously in agreement. “Not for even one second.”

“Godspeed,” muttered Sandra.

The four adventurers organized themselves at the end of the hallway. Down the hall was the living room, now slowly becoming awash with reddish light from the large curtained windows. “Go on, Paul,” whispered Secondo.

Paul nodded and crept down the hallway, dramatically stopping every few feet to look back at his younger siblings. Eden, the mission commander, glared as she observed his task.

At a pace that seemed like forever to the children under eight years old, Paul finally reached the end of the hall, peeking around the corner. He turned and tossed his hand at Secondo. “Now you,” ordered Eden in a whisper.

The old magician nodded solemnly and walked with as much authority and dark majesty as he could in pajamas. He met up with Paul at the end of the hall, craning his neck to observe the living room as cautiously as he could. He gave the younger children a satisfied nod. His mouth was a thin, firm line, his whitened eye gleaming in the dim light.

“All clear. Santa’s gone. And he left presents for you.”

----

My Fic List | My AO3

Fun fact, my dad would do this to us every Christmas Morning. And when he moved out, as the oldest sibling it was up to me to check. I don't know if you know this but apparently if Santa is down there by your tree and sees you EVEN FOR ONE SECOND, he vanishes and takes all your presents. (This fact had no bearing whatsoever on me, obviously.)

[theflagscene]

I love Phee’s dad trying his hardest to raise Phee right, something tells me he’s not going to approve of what is going on in the present with his son lol.

The inconsistency of the makeup department covering up Ta’s finger tattoo is so funny to me, because I genuinely don’t think the tattoo ties into the character at all, I think they were just trying to cover up Ta’s tattoo as he was playing a high schooler and then they stopped completely when he was supposed to be in university.

Oh so Non’s parents knew about Phee? Enough for Phee to call her mom and not auntie, so they knew they were dating or… what?

I fucking called it! First episode I said that Tan looked like he could be Non’s brother and it wasn’t even said that Non had a brother at that point lol, I just thought Mio and Barcode looked similar enough that they could play siblings.

I love that nearly 25 year old Ta (his birthday is soon 🥳) is having to call 19 year old Mio ‘Phi’ lol.

Did he really just ask his mother why she’s crying!? Come on Tan, you’re supposed to be the smart one in the family!

Okay so Tan isn’t an overprotective older bro, he feels guilty because he was just as absent in Non’s life as his parents were. Y’all suck!

Omg could you two look anymore sus!? Jesus. They’re just standing there and it’s like big ass red flags are already waving over their heads, also where did Tan stay while he was doing this act of subterfuge with Phee? Phee’s dad is a cop so I doubt he would just allow his son to move a random boy into their house, especially right after the crap with his missing ex-boyfriend. I don’t really expect Tan’s parents to notice he’s not back at university in England, they couldn’t find their own asses with both hands and a map. But Phee’s dad seems at least somewhat competent.

Put your shirts on boys, y’all look like rakes next to Ta lol.

Ohh, Jin’s got a crush, it’s lust at first sight. I mean, I get it, when I was in high school I would’ve probably had a crush on Phee as well.

Tan, you’re about as fucking subtle as a brick to the head. Which I know is exactly what you would like to be doing to them atm, but a little decorum my man.

Phee already is looking like the more sane out of the two, ngl.

Phee, Tan told you to become his best friend, not eventually fall in love with the dude.

And there’s the first time Jin dislocated his shoulder! Now the ‘again?’ comment by Phee when they fell out of the coffin makes sense, I was wondering about that tossed in line.

[hebuiltfive]

Hellooo!

How about our boy Scotty and #22?

Hellooo! Thank you for the ask! My words were not wording, so I hope this is okay and makes sense (I did read it back, but I don't think my brain is firing properly). Also I wasn't sure how to end it so apologies for the sudden finish! We're travelling back in time for some Wee!Tracys for this one!

(#22: You've Got Something On Your Face from 30 Gentle Prompts)

Pie

Time-keeping was a skill that little Scott was very proud of having. The watch Jeff had bought him for his recently passed ninth birthday had been a cherished present and Scott had worn it with every outfit, even when the bright blue of the watch didn’t exactly match the attire chosen. He didn’t care. It helped him keep track of time which, as he often pointed out to his younger siblings, was a very important thing to do.

Hence why Scott became irate this morning.

Before bed, he had asked his father all the necessary questions regarding how long it would take to drive out to the track and what time would be best for him to set his alarm. Jeff had helped him navigate the itinerary before tucking him in for the night and wrestling with Lucille over Scott not needing to be so organised at the tender age of nine. Scott had heard part of their conversation, but their words had soon drowned out as sleep claimed him.

When he had woken in the morning, he was on time and raring to go. His bag had been packed the night before so all he had to worry about was getting ready to leave, but that was when it all went wrong.

He strolled downstairs, his bag grasped excitedly in his hand, prepared to see his father waiting to drive him over to the club… Only Jeff wasn’t in the living room. He wasn’t on the front porch and, when Scott traipsed through to the kitchen, he noticed he wasn’t there either.

Virgil was sat at the table. In one hand, he held a spoon that was dripping with milk and cereal. In the other, he held an orange coloured crayon, which currently held more of his attention. When Scott entered, Virgil’s head lifted.

“Dad had to go over to Grandpa’s. Something had happened.”

Scott’s heart sunk. “What? What happened?”

“Nothing bad!” Virgil quickly amended at the look of dread on his older brother’s face. “Grandpa said it was urgent though, and Dad said he would have been back by now.”

Scott slammed his bag onto the table before lifting himself into one of the dining chairs with a huff.

Virgil steadied his bowl of breakfast with a tut. “Careful! You’ll ruin my homework!”

“What are you working on?” Scott asked, peering over the box of cereal to try and make out what Virgil had been colouring. Being on the opposite side of the table, it took Scott a minute to decipher the picture. “Is that a pigeon?”

“No! We’re studying regional birds. This is the titmouse.” He held up the orange colour proudly. “He has some orange around his sides!”

“Orange is boring. You should colour it blue.”

“It wouldn’t be accurate.”

“So? It would look cooler.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, throwing over another sheet of paper towards Scott. It landed upside down but, when Scott flipped it over, he noticed an already completed picture.

“That’s a bluejay.” Virgil explained as Scott’s eyes widened.

“I’ve seen these! There were some in one of the parks when me and Dad visited Wichita last month.”

“You can keep it.”

Scott’s eyes tore away from the perfectly coloured in picture — honestly, Virgil had a real talent for his art projects — to glance back at his brother. “What about your homework?”

“I only needed to do one, but I got inspired so I did them all. You can keep that one.”

Before he could utter his thanks aloud, Lucille walked into the kitchen with John trailing behind her. When she caught sight of Scott, he expression saddened. “Scott, honey, I’m so sorry but you might have to join the afternoon class today. Your dad did say he’d be back by now but…”

“It’s alright. Virgil coloured me in a bird.” Scott held up the picture for his mother to see.

“That’s lovely, sweetie.” She smiled fondly and then ruffled his hair. “Now, breakfast?”

Scott frowned. “But what if dad gets home when I’m eating?”

“You shouldn’t really start the day without breakfast, Scot. What about some cereal, like Virgil? Or I could make you some pancakes if you’d prefer.”

A dull thud and then the cries of a toddler came from the next room. Lucille ran out to check on Gordon before she noticed Scott’s grimace at her suggestions.

“Mommy is right, Scotty.” Virgil said, as John clambered up onto one of the chairs to join his older brothers. “Food is good.”

Scott rolled his eyes. He wasn’t particularly hungry and he hadn’t planned on having anything before his first day of training. Though he wouldn’t admit it to any of them, he had been feeling anxious all night. His sports teacher had signed him up for the track club after claiming he saw potential in Scott, and Scott had been excited to start ever since he’d agreed to give the club a go, but now the day had approached, he was nothing but nervous. Eating was the last thing on his mind.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Just have something small.” Virgil offered his bowl. “You can have the rest of mine, if you’d like?”

Scott shook his head. Cereal, especially the kind that was now soggy from being left in the milk too long, was the least appealing option. He jumped off the chair and scoured the kitchen. Both Virgil and John watched him curiously as he opened cupboards and debated between boxes and tins. Eventually, during his perusal of the refrigerator, he caught sight of the remainder of Mom’s freshly made apple pie and his eye brightened.

He took the pie from the shelf and placed it on the counter. Once he retrieved a clean plate from one of the cupboards, Scott carefully sliced himself a piece. He was acutely aware of his two brothers staring at him. Smugly, he returned the rest of the pie to the fridge and then took his seat at the table again.

“That isn’t breakfast!” Virgil claimed as Scott began to tuck into the pie.

“Mom said I had to eat. This is what I want to eat.”

“But it isn’t healthy!”

Scott’s eyes flitted from Virgil’s horrified expression to John’s curious gaze. He shrugged. “It tastes good though.”

“Mommy said pie is for the puds.” John frowned, finally understanding what his older brother had chosen to do and deciding to show he was unhappy about it. “Not morning time!”

Another couple of bites of pie were taken and Scott rolled his eyes. “It’s fine, Johnny. Mom won’t know. I’ll eat it really fast, look!”

But John had already jumped down from the table and had left the kitchen. 

Unfazed, Scott continued to eat at a hurried pace. Whilst he technically didn’t do anything wrong by helping himself to the apple pie, he didn’t fancy having to explain his choices to Lucille and so wanted to be rid of any evidence before she returned.

“Ew, Scott, slow down! You’re getting crumbs everywhere!”

“Stop bein’ such a baby, ‘Gil.” He involuntary spat more crumbs everywhere, causing Virgil to cover his colouring to avoid the sheet getting tainted.

It took Scott no less than a few minutes to finish the plate. He grinned widely. “See? Nothing to worry about!”

Virgil clamped a hand over his mouth as the front door to the ranch clicked open and Jeff’s voice boomed through to them.

“Scotty? Ready to go?”

With furrowed brows of confusion at his younger brother’s obvious amusement, Scott hopped off the dining chair. The pie sat heavy in his stomach as he jumped, the nervousness beginning to set back in again, but he pushed it aside.

Just as Scott was about to run through to greet Jeff, Lucille appeared from the next room. She stopped him with a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Slow down. You’ll cause an accident— Oh, Scotty.”

There was a glint of amusement in her eyes that matched Virgil’s quiet giggles.

Scott frowned. “What?”

“What have I told you about leaving those pies for pudding, not for breakfast?”

His cheeks warmed. “I didn’t…”

“No? So why is your little face covered in the red sauce and crumbs?”

His mother’s fingers carefully wiped at the corners of his mouth as she asked him her question. There was no accusatory tone, only soft delight.

Scott batted her fingers away. How embarrassing! “Mom! Stop! It’s fine! I’m already late!”

Behind him, Virgil was finding it hard to contain his chuckles. 

Scott offered him a glare, finally realising what his younger brother had found so funny. “You didn’t even tell me!”

“You would have found out eventually! That’s what happens when you eat something you’re not supposed to, Scotty.”

“Boys.” Jeff stood behind his wife in the doorway. “No fighting.”

“We wasn’t fighting.” Virgil clarified, his smile still large and beaming despite his inaccurate phrasing.

“We were about to.” Scott mumbled before being ushered out of the kitchen by Lucille.

Jeff took Scott’s shoulders to direct him through to the porch. “Come on, let’s get you going. We can make it for the afternoon class and… Scott, why are your clothes covered in pie crumbs?”

[harrison-abbott]

When I was around 17 I went over to my Dad’s house for some family gathering. I can’t remember exactly what the occasion was. Only that I went over there, and so it was my Dad, his partner Jacqueline, my little sister Catherine. And my eldest brother Brodie. He brought around his then-girlfriend Lauren.

Now, Lauren had, a few weeks back, said to Brodie that she found me very good-looking. In her ditsy way, she said to Brodie that I was the best looking of all of the siblings in the family.

And when I got to the house, the first thing that Jacqueline did was to touch my hair and she exclaimed, “Oh, you’re so good-looking! If I were your age! Oh!” And she said that in front of the whole group, including my Dad, her partner.

I have no control over my appearance. I just look a certain way; just as anybody else does. There is nothing about my appearance that I created. I don’t look the same as I did when I was 17. These days I’m 31 and I have grey hair and a bit of a belly. Meh. Lots of men also do.

But, after those few comments when I was a teenager, at that table scene – my elder brother just ripped me apart. He verbally laid into me the entire evening. He took the piss out of me, imitated me, yelled, attacked in every way he could think of. Because his girlfriend Lauren said that she found me handsome. It is hard to describe what it was like unless you were there. Everything I tried to say: he pounced on it and just tore it to shreds.

Lauren kept her head down. She didn’t laugh; only thought it was cruel and didn’t like it.

Jacqueline was drunk on champagne. And she kept snickering and sniggering at Brodie’s mockery. She loved it. My Dad was present at the table. And he didn’t say anything. He didn’t interject at any point and tell my brother to shut his ugly trap up. And my little sister Catherine was there too and she was only about nine so she didn’t understand any of it.

Brodie was nine and a half years older than me. I was 17, at this point, and at that same time he would have been 27. And even in his late twenties, he was still so immature enough as to be threatened by his little brother. Because of my physical appearance!

Or, he was furious with his ditsy girlfriend for saying that she favoured my appearance over his. Therefore he redirected his fury onto me.

But, yes, that dinner scene. That’s what it was like for me growing up in the family. That wasn’t even the worst incident: this scenario was pretty typical. A sense of being intensely bullied around a tea table by one of my elder brothers, and neither parent stepping in to get them to shut up, and a stepmother finding it amusing and thus encouraging the behaviour with laughter.

I still think about such memories. And I go back to the dark family history quite a lot. I haven’t written about this example in a direct manner before. Maybe I’m trying to flush the memory out by opening up about it. But the way I see it is that I’ve always been different from my other family members. I love my siblings and parents. It’s only that I don’t understand why I attracted all of that raging ridicule from all of them, when I was only trying to grow up. Which is a hard thing for anybody to do.

[alynnl]

My Take on Gumshoe's Backstory

I played through the Ace Attorney trilogy as well as the Investigations duology, and noticed a blank spot in a lot of characters' back stories. Since he's important to Edgeworth and I love him plenty on his own, I'll be focusing on Detective Dick Gumshoe and what his past might have been like. Part of this (but probably not all of it) will end up in a fanfic I've been taking notes for here and there.

In the beginning, Gumshoe lived in his family home with his parents and two younger siblings (one brother, one sister.)

His mom and dad owned a convenience store. (In the present day, it's run by his younger sister and her husband.) Overall the family isn't the richest one on the block, but they're happy to share a home together.

Gumshoe was an energetic child who got along easy with others. He became close with an older family friend, Jay Walker - an auto mechanic who seemed like he could fix anything.

Gumshoe's love of gadgets comes from his Uncle Jay, who was always working on something in his garage at any given moment. It was not unusual for the two of them to spend their evenings tinkering with various tools and electronics.

Jay made the offhanded remark that Gumshoe knew his way around a toolbox, and he'd make a great apprentice. This was something the boy took to heart, making him want to sign up for shop classes once he got into middle school.

When he was twelve years old, Gumshoe became involved in a murder case that would later be known as the YB-5 Incident. It began when he was walking home after a night at the arcade with a couple of his classmates. He stepped onto his block just in time to witness a drive-by shooting. He hid as the car sped further down the street.

Gumshoe went to check on the victim, realizing to his horror that it was his Uncle Jay who had just been shot. By the time the paramedics arrived, it was too late. It was later said that Jay died instantly.

The following week, the police and the investigating prosecutor swept Gumshoe's neighborhood from top to bottom, questioning everyone as to what they saw and heard that Friday night.

The lead prosecutor on the case was Manfred von Karma. He informed Gumshoe's family that the boy would have to testify in court as a witness if they are to give their neighbor's murderer the guilty verdict he deserves.

During the investigation, it's revealed that Jay used to be "Detective Walker," and he was trying to live a peaceful life after retirement. But a criminal from one of his previous cases decided to take their revenge on the night of the YB-5 Incident, since the former detective broke up his gang of weapon smugglers.

The investigation wrapped up, and the trial began. Von Karma emphasized how important it is that Gumshoe give the perfect witness statement, and didn't care much about the boy's feelings or grief he might be experiencing for his family friend.

Gumshoe gives his statement. Even after that, the trial dragged on for months and he isn't given any sense of closure. A verdict is reached merely one day before Jay Walker's funeral was planned to take place.

Gumshoe is left with an emptiness inside even after the guilty verdict. He doesn't feel like this was a victory because the verdict doesn't bring back his friend and mentor.

Then patrolman Tyrell Badd gives the boy some encouragement, saying how he was brave to give his statement on the witness stand. "I've seen grown men break down and cry when they were giving their testimony, but you didn't shed a tear. You have courage, kid. I think old Jay would be proud."

Tyrell's words gave Gumshoe a different idea of who he wanted to be when he grew up. He wanted to protect people, and be there for the survivors left behind just like him. From then on, he had his sights set on joining the police academy, but never gave up the hobby of tinkering with machines in his spare time.

[theangstmeister]

Hold Me Tight (Before I Let You Go) - Chapter Two

Please see masterlist for warnings

Present Day

“Oppa-nim, have you finished drawing my princess yet?” Soyeon asked, skipping across the room from in front of the television which was tuned into some kind of children’s show. 

“Soyeon-ah, don’t be rude,” her sister, Jiwon, scolded.

Jungkook smiled at Soyeon, the little girl was pouting with her chin on the table-top.

“Nearly. But you did make me do your hair halfway through,” he reminded her, flicking the tuft of hair. 

“I wanted to be like oppa-nim.” 

The landlord had turned up late that afternoon, Jungkook assumed when the girls had finished school, and begged Jungkook to watch them for half an hour- two hours ago. He didn’t particularly mind though, it wasn’t the first time he’d done so and they were easy enough to keep an eye on. Jiwon was quietly doing her homework while Soyeon, with her youthful confidence, had Jungkook sketching her pictures to colour in.

He finished off the crown before sliding the picture across to Soyeon. 

“Thank you, oppa-nim!” she said, giving Jungkook a quick hug around his waist before running back across the room to lie on the floor, a collection of Jungkook’s lesser used coloured pencils scattered around her. 

Jungkook wondered if he’d ever been that carefree- he didn’t think so. 

He pulled his sketchbook towards him to continue working on his sketch for class. More like start it. The prompt was simply “love” but the seemingly endless possibilities were crippling Jungkook. He knew he should probably do something based on Yoongi but he couldn’t get Taehyung out of his head. 

However, before he had chance to fall down that hole, he was interrupted by Jiwon. She hadn’t said anything but her pen has stopped scratching its way across her exercise book. He knew she was looking at him, he’d developed a great sense for when attention was on him from a young age. 

“Oppa-nim?” Jungkook looked up, acting surprised that she had called him. “Can I ask you something without you telling my dad?”

“Of course, Jiwon-ah. What is it?”

“Promise?”

Jungkook held his hand out to her across the table, his little finger raised, “I pinky promise.”

Jiwon hooked her little finger through his and shook their hands together vigorously. 

Releasing Jungkook’s hand, she glanced furtively over to her sister, checking that she was either engrossed in her colouring or the television. 

“Did your parents ever get divorced?”

It hadn’t been the question Jungkook had been expecting and if her parents were having marital problems, it certainly wasn’t something Jungkook felt comfortable talking about- not with the complicated relationship he had with her dad, his landlord. 

But he also remembered what it had been like to feel like you couldn’t talk to anyone. 

“No...but they argued a lot.”

That was the child-friendly way of putting it, and while Jiwon was sixteen, Jungkook had learnt that sixteen year olds really were still children in the ways that mattered. 

“How did you deal with it?”

“You have to find a way to block it out and look out for your sister, but I can’t tell you how to do that because I only had to look out for myself.” 

And Jungkook had never stopped doing that. 

“You told me once that you’ve got a brother.”

Jungkook hummed, nodding, “I do but he’s older so he looked after me, like you look after Soyeon.” 

That was of course a lie. Junghyun had been one of Jungkook’s tormentors, one of many, but always the one capable of hurting him the most. 

When they’d been younger, they’d gotten along well and Jungkook had trailed after his brother, learning from him in the way that younger siblings tended to do. He’d even been reasonably close to Yoongi, who had been his brother’s best friend since their first day at school together.

But then those three years between them had carried more and more weight as Junghyun became a teenager and didn’t want his little brother around anymore. 

When the two older boys had found their way into Busan’s dark underbelly, Jungkook had been left behind to flounder on his own, ignored by everyone until Taehyung had appeared one day like a light in the darkness. 

Jungkook would have been happy if things had stayed that way, being ignored didn’t bother him that much but the drugs had brought out the worst in Junghyun, turning him into a miniature version of their father at the exact same time as it was becoming increasingly obvious that Jungkook wasn’t straight. 

It had been an unlucky combination of circumstances which had sent Jungkook’s life spiralling out of his control- bullied at school and beaten at home- with only Kim Taehyung to keep him afloat. 

But he didn’t even have that anymore. Just Yoongi with his own crippling self-hatred that made him so dependent on drugs. 

Except that Taehyung had slipped back into that role with such ease, and Jungkook’s heart ached to accept the lifeline that was being extended to him in the form of Taehyung’s phone number. 

He shook himself- such thoughts wouldn’t lead anywhere good. 

Because even if Taehyung’s boyfriend made the alarm bells in the back of his head clamour for his attention, he had no right to get involved. He’d forfeited that right years ago. 

Looking at the girl before him, Jungkook wished he could offer her something more concrete but what could he possibly give her when his own life was such a mess? If he could, he’d offer her a safe place to come to whenever she needed to get away- he was home most of the time during the day due to the nature of his degree and work, and his landlord lived in the building- but he didn’t think he should risk exposing them to Yoongi too much. Usually, he arranged for Yoongi to be out whenever he watched the two girls, only agreeing two hours earlier at such short notice because Yoongi had gone to deliver a track he’d produced to someone (Jungkook knew these things could be done digitally but he and Yoongi both knew it was an excuse for Yoongi to get hold of cash and then happen across his dealer on the way home). 

When the door knocked loudly, Soyeon leapt up, “Oppa-nim, it’s Appa!”

Jungkook rose from his chair, waylaying Soyeon, “Let oppa open it, just in case.”

It probably was her dad but it could easily be Yoongi, in god knew what state. 

With Soyeon’s small hand in his, Jungkook opened the door to what was indeed his landlord. 

“Appa, you have to come see my colouring,” Soyeon beamed, dragging him into the flat and towards the living room. 

“Soyeon-ah, I don’t think Jeon-ssi wants us invading his home any longer than we have to.”

“It’s fine, they’ve both been good as gold anyway.”

He knew that the other man didn’t really know how to treat Jungkook. After all, what were the chances that he asked any of the building’s other residents to babysit for him? And Jungkook would have bet good money that he was the only one sucking his dick to get out of paying his rent. 

“That’s really good colouring, Soyeon-ah,” he praised his daughter. “Did Jeon-ssi draw the pictures for you?”

Soyeon nodded emphatically, “And he tied my hair up like his so I can be a proper artist.” 

Meanwhile, Jiwon silently packed her school work into her bag. 

“Well, make sure you thank Jeon-ssi properly and then you and Jiwon can go back upstairs.”

Jungkook frowned slightly- he was clearly wanted for something. 

“Thank you, oppa-nim,” Soyeon said, hugging Jungkook. 

He hugged her back, “You’re welcome, Soyeon-ah, make sure you behave yourself.”

“I will oppa-nim.”

“Thank you, oppa-nim,” Jiwon muttered, taking her sister’s hand and leading her from the flat. 

Jungkook tugged on his earrings as he heard the two girls leave the flat- he honestly wished he could be more to help Jiwon but he also didn’t think he should get involved. He couldn’t risk getting kicked out of his flat. 

“Do you want to sit down, Park-ssi?” Jungkook asked, indicating towards the sofa. 

The other man sat down with a long sigh- he looked like he’d had an exceptionally long day- and Jungkook seated himself sideways on his lap, wrapping his arm along the back of the sofa. 

It was like being at work and Jungkook slipped into his role with ease. The other man had taken to talking to Jungkook about his issues but Jungkook would always be the pretty boy downstairs who sucked him off to pay his rent so he had to play the role of the seducer. 

Not that it would be the first time the two had done nothing but talk- the older man didn’t have anyone but Jungkook to talk to about his struggles with his sexuality.

Yoongi didn’t know that, though. Jungkook had told him that the landlord liked to watch him finger himself to cover up for the lack of noise. He wasn’t sure why he lied but something had told him that it wouldn’t be good for Yoongi to think their relationship was anything but a sequence of sexual favours over the last year. 

Not that Jungkook was at all interested in their landlord- he just wanted somewhere to live- but that didn’t stop him feeling sorry for him. 

He was like most of the men that came into the club. A good number of them were married to wives they didn’t love and they used the club as a safe place to express their true desires. For many of them, coming out would mean losing access to their own children so Jungkook liked to think he was doing some good. 

And perhaps that was why he attracted so many customers to him- he understood what his job really was. It was more than stripping (or even sex if you knew who to ask). It was about allowing those repressed men a moment of respite. 

In a way, Jungkook thought he’d been lucky. He may have been labeled as something he didn’t think he was, and he may have suffered for it, but at least he hadn’t had to pretend to be straight anymore. He’d been given a kind of freedom. 

And he’d had Taehyung to guide him, to help him see that there was nothing wrong with him but with his family and society at large. 

Jungkook brushed Mr Park’s hair away from his face, his fingers then trailing down the side of his face to hold his chin, “You can touch me.”

Jungkook had learned that once you took down the barrier between people and what they desired, everything else came spilling out. Sexual desire was so repressed in so many people that it was often like breaking down a dam. 

The older man’s hand settled on Jungkook’s thigh, still timid even after a year of their arrangement. 

“I don’t think I can stay with my wife anymore, Jungkook-ah.”

“What’s changed?”

They’d been together for, Jungkook thought, nearly twenty years- something had to have changed.

“I worry about what I’m teaching my girls by hiding who I am. I don’t want them to grow up thinking that they should be ashamed of themselves but shouldn’t I teach that by example?”

“I think your daughters would be very upset if you divorced your wife and they couldn’t see you anymore.”

“Maybe they’d be better off without a man like me. Look at me, I’m accepting sexual favours from my resident like a pervert.”

“One: I started it. Two: there’s nothing wrong with what you are. And there’s a difference between knowing and accepting that, and being out. Maybe that’s the balance you need to find.”

Taehyung had needed to find a similar balance when it came to Jungkook; a balance between his love for and attraction to Jungkook, and the fact that the narrow worldview of other people meant that they would never have been able to look past their ages. 

But Taehyung had never managed it and, in the end, it had strained them both to breaking point. 

“When people are ashamed, they hurt the people around them even though they might not mean to,” Jungkook said gently. “If our arrangement means that you’re not ashamed and that you can be a better father, then isn’t that worth something?”

The older man nodded, Thank you, Jungkook- for talking to me.”

He thought about trying to get the man to come to the club but he decided against it. Part of the reason their arrangement worked was that there was a kind of exclusivity to it, Mr Park got to feel like Jungkook was his and his alone for ten minutes each month, and that gave him the emotional gratification he needed. 

It would be far too risky to mess with that if Jungkook wanted to continue to have a roof over his head. 

“You should go back upstairs before your wife gets any more suspicious of me,” Jungkook chuckled, pecking him on the cheek before rising from his seat. 

The woman would have to be an idiot not to suspect there was something going on when Jungkook hadn’t paid his full rent in a year and her husband spent longer collecting Jungkook’s rent than he did with anyone else. 

Also, Yoongi would probably be home soon and Jungkook made sure to keep him far away from their landlord. Jungkook was exactly what he wanted- his wide eyes giving a look of innocence while his physique provided a touch of sin- while Yoongi was all sin with his bleached hair and arms covered in tattoos. 

Mr Park let himself out, leaving Jungkook to tidy up before going back to his classwork.

Half an hour later, completely engrossed in his work, Jungkook was startled by Yoongi coming up behind him. 

“What’re you drawing?” Yoongi asked, pizza box in his hand. 

Jungkook’s mouth watered at the smell of the warm dough but it wasn’t strong enough to cover up the distinct herbal scent clinging to Yoongi’s hoodie. 

“It’s just for class,” Jungkook said.

“Yeah, I know that but what actually is it?”

Jungkook had only got as far as an outline of a broad back with two wounds on the shoulder blades but he knew exactly what he was drawing now. 

“A fallen angel.”

“I thought your theme was love and sexuality?”

And to Jungkook, love was a fallen angel in ripped jeans and loose T-shirts, and he had been the one to make him fall from grace. 

“Let me get to a good stopping point and I’ll come eat,” Jungkook avoided the question. 

Once he’d finished, he sat beside Yoongi, who had the pizza box balanced on his lap, on the sofa, tucking his legs up underneath him. 

With one hand, he held a slice of pizza and with the other, he pulled Yoongi’s arm into his lap, turning it over to admire the brightly coloured ink that covered his arms. 

“What are you doing?” Yoongi mumbled around a mouthful of food. 

“Admiring my handiwork.”

Jungkook had drawn each and every tattoo, just as he’d drawn his own, for the tattoo artist to follow. He was most proud of the traditional style drawing depicting the mountains and the sea- for Busan. To Jungkook, that city would always be where he had been the most miserable but also the happiest he had ever been, so he’d had it inked it onto Yoongi’s skin. 

His own was reserved for his dragon, for Taehyung. 

Not that Yoongi realised that. Jungkook had cried when he’d gotten it done and Yoongi had assumed he was a baby who couldn’t handle the pain of the needle. 

As if Jungkook was a stranger to pain. 

“Do you remember when you drew that first one? When you were… how old were you?”

“Fourteen, it was just before my fifteenth birthday.”

August 2015

Jungkook sighed contentedly as he felt Taehyung’s fingers carding through his hair, easing them through where the strands had stuck together from the sticky heat of the afternoon. 

He relished these quiet, secretive moments with Taehyung. Nobody else knew Taehyung was there so they didn’t have to pretend that they were nothing to each other. 

In Jungkook’s bedroom, lying together on top of the duvet, they could simply be them. 

However, their peace was interrupted far too soon by Taehyung’s phone beeping, signalling that Taehyung needed to leave and come back in an hour (via the front door rather than Jungkook’s bedroom window this time). 

“I don’t want you to go,” Jungkook said softly, wrapping his arms tightly around Taehyung. 

“I have to go, sweetheart or you won’t have anything to eat. But I’ll be back straight away.”

“No, you won’t be, not really. You’re different when you’re with them.”

Taehyung may have been spending most of his time with Jungkook, holed up together in his bedroom, but he was still friends with Junghyun and Yoongi, which meant that he had to hang out with them, too. 

“You think I like the way things are? I can’t stand your brother, or the way he treats you, but it’s far less suspicious for me to bring you food if I pretend I’m still his friend.” 

Jungkook knew that, he did, but it didn’t stop it from hurting. He wanted people to know that Taehyung was his and that it didn’t matter how much they mocked him at school, or how many bruises he got at home, because he had something they didn’t. 

He was free in a way they never would be by constantly conforming to society’s expectations. 

“You can go if I get a goodbye kiss.”

“Are you eighteen yet?”

“No,” Jungkook pouted. 

“Then no.”

“But you’re not eighteen yet so it’s fine.”

“And you’re fourteen so it’s not fine.” 

Jungkook sat up, fiddling with the rings on his fingers, “It’s only kissing, it’s not sex. That’s what I have to be sixteen for.”

Taehyung rubbed his face with his hands, “Why do you always do this?”

“Do what?”

“Put all the responsibility on me to say no to you,” Taehyung snapped. 

“Maybe because I’d like it to actually be clear what this even is between us!” Jungkook’s voice rose sharply as his temper flared defensively. “Instead I’m left to feel like a- a-” Jungkook stumbled over his words, thoughts flying through his mind faster than he could catch hold of them. “-like a placeholder until something better comes along.”

Would they even be able to say they’d broken up when that inevitably happened? And without being able to use that phrase to describe what had happened, would he ever be able to get any closure on what they were to each other right now? 

Not that Jungkook fully understood whatever it was between them. Taehyung always skirted around it, only going as far as to describe them as “exclusive”, but Jungkook’s life was filled with too many uncertainties already. 

He never knew when his dad would come home drunk, or what tiny action might set him off when he did, and he never knew when his brother’s own pain would spill over into using Jungkook as his punching bag, either verbally or physically. 

But he did know that Taehyung cared about him and that had been the one constant in his life since he was twelve years old, and now, nearly three years later, he was willing to risk it all because he couldn’t ignore the feelings that swelled inside of him everytime he saw Taehyung. 

Perhaps he shouldn’t have been so caught off guard by them- he’d had a crush on Taehyung ever since they’d first met but that had been juvenile. Not like the way he felt now. 

Taehyung reached out for his hand, “Jungkookie-”

Jungkook snatched his hand away, “You should go before hyung starts phoning you in a bit and hears your phone going off in here.”

“We’ll talk about this later. I don’t know when but,” Taehyung sighed, “later.”

Jungkook didn’t respond. He knew all that would come out would be a demand that they talk about it now, and he didn’t want to ruin their limited time alone together more than he already had. 

Taehyung pulled Jungkook into his side briefly before releasing him and climbing out of the bedroom window. 

After a few minutes, Jungkook picked himself off the bed and carefully pushed his door open. He checked there was no sign of his brother before emerging fully. 

Whenever he was upset like this, he went for a shower. The running water hid any sound of tears that might be shed while the hot water reminded him of when his mum used to hug him. Not that she’d done so for years- his dad had made her stop, saying that Jungkook was a man now and men didn’t need hugs from anyone.

Jungkook had been ten and he definitely still needed to be held in someone’s arms. 

Now, that someone was Taehyung. Those gentle touches had started off with nothing more than the older boy ruffling his hair but then Taehyung’s fingers had started to linger and thread their way through Jungkook’s hair. Then Jungkook, seeking the kind of comfort he hadn’t had in years, had crept closer until folding himself into Taehyung’s arms felt as easy as breathing. 

But his feelings for Taehyung were like a double edged sword- impossible to grasp. 

Would things be easier when they were older?

Jungkook hoped so because he didn’t want to think about what his life would be like without Taehyung. 

Jungkook lay on his bed, his hair still damp from his shower due to the humidity of the summer air. Staring up at the cracked ceiling, he inhaled deeply, smelling the spicy aroma that wafted to his room from the kitchen. 

He’d heard Taehyung ask Junghyun where he was numerous times since he’d got back with the food shopping he’d done for Jungkook. 

Good, he’d thought to himself, let him be the one who’s left hanging for once. 

Barely a week went by without Jungkook having to powerlessly watch what seemed like every girl in Taehyung’s year flirt with him because Taehyung kept him secret. 

His secret shame- that he was in love with a fourteen year old (and Jungkook suspected at least slightly attracted to though Taehyung steered clear of the topic at all times). 

He knew it had nothing to do with coming out as gay, Taehyung would’ve come out before now if it hadn’t meant being cut off by Junghyun. It was all because he thought there was something wrong with him for loving Jungkook specifically. 

Well, if he was going to leave Jungkook to hang all the time, he could do the same 

Maybe he’d start flaunting himself around in front of Yoongi, that would certainly get Taehyung’s attention. And it was becoming increasingly obvious to Jungkook that as he filled out, love of dance gifting him with a more toned physique, Min Yoongi’s interest in him had grown. 

There was a soft knock on the door followed by Taehyung’s warm voice, “Jungkook-ah? I’ve cooked dinner but if you’re not hungry yet, I can leave it in the oven.”

Jungkook rolled over hugging his pillow to his chest as he lay there, not answering Taehyung. 

“Jungkook!” his brother yelled, banging violently on the door, making Jungkook jump slightly. 

“Why do you have to do that?” Taehyung’s voice was clear through the door. 

“Do what?”

“Try and scare him all the time. You know, I remember when you were scared of your dad and now you’ve gone and turned into him.”

Previously, Jungkook had wondered how Taehyung got away with speaking to Junghyun like that when nobody else would have dared. But he’d realised that Taehyung got away with it simply because he dared, and some part of Junghyun respected him for that. 

He also thought that was how Taehyung was never called out for wearing make-up and jewellery, or the way he carefully styled his hair. Instead of ever hiding those more feminine aspects of who he was, Taehyung left them out in plain sight, and that was what prevented him from being called out for it. 

In a city where the slightest deviation from traditional masculinity may as well be a death sentence, Taehyung expertly hid himself in plain sight. 

Not like Jungkook, who had only been able to truly express himself after he’d already been found out for not being straight (and incorrectly labelled as gay. Jungkook didn’t know what he was but that wasn’t it). But in a way, he was free from that now. 

Distantly, Jungkook heard Junghyun’s own bedroom door slam shut. 

After a few seconds, Taehyung’s voice came through the door again but lower down this time, like Taehyung was sitting on the floor.

“Jungkookie, please come eat.” There was a pause. “I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier, I know it’s not easy for you either, and that you worry that I don’t feel the same way about you as you do about me.”

Jungkook rolled the other way to face the door. 

“Do you really think I’d be so worried about the legality of what we have between us if I didn’t feel the same way? Or if this was about stringing some kid along just because I could? I don’t want you to have any regrets or to ever feel pushed into anything you weren’t ready for because I want us to be able to be happy together in the years to come. And I hope that we can be together for the rest of our lives because I can’t imagine being with anyone else.” 

Jungkook could hear the sincerity in Taehyung’s voice, could imagine seeing it in his eyes. 

He rose to his feet and padded towards the door, pressing his ear to the wood as tears began to spill silently from his eyes.

“You’re everything to me, Jungkook and that scares me because I’m scared of what I might do in order to keep hold of you. So I have to keep those concrete boundaries in place to keep you safe from me.”

Jungkook opened the door to find Taehyung kneeling on the floor outside. At the sound of the door opening, he looked up, a plea in his eyes for Jungkook to forgive him. 

Crouching down, Jungkook cupped Taehyung’s cheeks in his hands, pressing their foreheads together and breathing in the light, vanilla scent of Taehyung, “You’re the only thing in my life that I don’t need protecting from.”

“I’m not so sure, Jungkookie.”

“Then let me be sure enough for the both of us.” 

Taehyoung picked himself up off the floor, holding his hand out to help Jungkook up.

“Come on, you should eat before Yoongi gets here.”

Jungkook frowned, “Why?”

“Did you not hear him the other day?” Taehyung asked, leading Jungkook by the hand to the kitchen table. “He found his biological mum, don’t ask me how, and he decided to go see her today.”

“But isn’t that good?”

Yoongi felt like a great disappointment to his adoptive parents, who had been hoping for a more well-behaved child that did better in school. Not one who smoked weed and did nothing but write lyrics and melodies during class. 

Taehyung placed a steaming bowl of beef stew in front of Jungkook, along with a set of chopsticks and a spoon, “She gave him up for a reason. I’m just worried he won’t like what he finds and then he’ll be looking for something or someone to take his anger out on.”

“I doubt that’ll be me.”

“If it was just Yoongi I’d agree but he goes along with your brother far too easily for comfort. I’d just feel better if you were safely out of the way.”

Out of the way and away from Taehyung. 

Taehyung must have seen the look on Jungkook’s face because his long fingers began threading their way through Jungkook’s hair, soothing him. 

“I’ll try and sneak into your room, sweetheart. They’ll probably just get stoned so it won’t exactly be hard.” 

Jungkook nodded, appeased, and tucked into his dinner. 

Distracted by the film playing on the television, Taehyung’s fingers absentmindedly traced circles into the skin above Jungkook’s knee, his legs slung over Taehyung’s, occasionally drifting under the hem of his shorts. His other arm was wrapped around Jungkook’s waist, holding him close.

Yoongi hadn’t turned up so Taehyung had suggested they watch a film, convincing Junghyun to let Jungkook stay in the living room with them. 

Junghyun was beside them on the sofa having fallen asleep- he always said he found horror films boring but Jungkook knew that he purposely fell asleep because he was scared. Taehyung probably knew that too.

Even so, it was still risky but they both needed to be close to each other, especially after their earlier argument.

Taehyung gripped Jungkook’s leg as a black figure appeared in a doorway behind the film’s protagonist

“Scared, Taehyungie?” Jungkook teased. 

“Why’d you have to pick one in a foreign language?” Taehyung whined, unable to look away from the screen lest he miss what was being said. 

“Because if you didn’t have to read the subtitles, you’d be hiding behind your hands.”

And Jungkook was perfectly happy with Taehyung’s hands where they were. 

At the sound of the front door knocking, the two of them leapt apart, and Jungkook quickly glanced over to his brother but he was still fast asleep. 

“I’ll get it,” Taehyung said, rising to open the door. 

Jungkook leaned forward so that it was in his eyeline, the film forgotten as Taehyung opened the door to Yoongi.

Jungkook’s eyes widened at the sight of him, not because he’d turned up at gone midnight, but because he had clearly been crying- his eyes and nose were bright red. Taehyung was obviously as shocked as he was, stepping silently to the side to let Yoongi in but making no move to comfort him. 

“Oi, Junghyun! Wake the fuck up!” Yoongi yelled, kicking his shoes off. 

Beside Jungkook, Junghyun stretched, rubbing his eyes blearily, “About time you turned up, Min.”

“Yeah, well, I got us something to have a little fun,” Yoongi smirked, pulling a small plastic bag of white powder.

At the sight of it, Taehyung crept around the back of the sofa, towards Jungkook. 

“Is that what I think it is?” Junghyun asked, grinning. “How did you get hold of it?”

“Our usual dealer gave me some other guy’s number.”

Jungkook thought it was safe to say that Yoongi meeting his biological mother had not gone well. His nose wrinkled at the cloying scent of alcohol that clung to the older boy. 

“Go to your room,” Taehyung muttered, leaning down to Jungkook’s ear. 

Jungkook nodded. He already knew he didn’t want to be around for this. Weed mellowed his brother out to the point where he didn’t remember Jungkook was in the room but cocaine was going to hype him up, and Jungkook didn’t know what that would entail. 

Unfortunately, Yoongi had overheard them. 

“No, the kid stays in here. I want him to draw something for me.”

Jungkook glanced up at Taehyung, unsure of what to do. 

“I’m not going to do anything to you, Kook-ah,” Yoongi rolled his eyes. “I want a tattoo and I want you to draw it.”

“Why would you want him to draw it?” Junghyun drawled. 

“Because have you seen the way the kid draws?”

“Whatever, as long as he stays out of the way.”

“I’ll stay until they fall asleep,” Taehyung whispered. 

Jungkook nodded and fetched his sketchbook and pencil case from his room, carrying them to the adjoining kitchen so he could sit at the table. 

He sat there for hours, drawing sketch after sketch, with Taehyung staying nearby, until Yoongi was satisfied. 

“Have you ever kissed anyone, Jungkook-ah?” Yoongi asked conversationally as he ripped the page out of Jungkook’s sketchbook and folded it up to take with him. 

“That’s a weird question to ask a fourteen year old,” Taehyung interjected. 

“He’s nearly fifteen, Taehyung. He’s not a child anymore.”

The two older boys were like day and night. Taehyung was warm and light, with his tanned skin and voice like honey, while Yoongi was icy-cold, his veins clearly visible under his pale skin, but there was a strange softness to him. 

Yoongi was the devil, enticing him towards sin, and Taehyung-

Taehyung was his guardian angel. 

“I’m the school faggot, remember? What do you think?” Jungkook muttered, twirling a colouring pencil around his fingers. 

“Don’t call yourself that,” Taehyung scolded. 

“Why not? It’s true.”

“Because you shouldn’t put yourself down like that. There’s nothing wrong with you.” 

“It’s a shame, really,” Yoongi mused. “You can tell you’ve started working out, I bet the girls would be all over you if they didn’t know you were gay.”

Taehyung’s fingers curled into a fist on the table. At first, Jungkook was confused but then he realised. Taehyung was getting jealous. 

“It’s really just for dance,” Jungkook shrugged. “Jimin-hyung, he’s on the team, he told me that it’s better for your muscles if you strengthen them, then you’re less likely to pull something dancing.”

“I see, and looking good is just a lucky side effect?” Yoongi smiled. 

“I can’t believe I’m having to say this again,” Taehyung hissed, “but he is fourteen whether his birthday’s coming up or not.” 

Jungkook knew the comment wasn’t aimed entirely at Yoongi, that Taehyung was also reminding himself of that fact. 

“Yoongi, time for another hit?” Junghyun asked, putting on some music. 

“Sure, let’s go,” Yoongi said, getting up. “Come on, Tae.”

Taehyung stood reluctantly, glancing back at Jungkook as he went to join his supposed friends. 

Jungkook pulled his sketchbook back towards himself, blocking out the drug fuel frenzied energy of his brother. 

Jungkook eyelids felt heavy, telling him he’d accidentally fallen asleep at the table again, too absorbed in his drawings to bother going to bed. 

“Get off,” he whined as someone lifted his arm. 

Taehyung’s voice hushed him, “It’s only me, sweetheart. I’m just putting you to bed.”

He was easily lifted into Taehyung’s arms, his own arm slung across Taehyung’s shoulder and his face nestled into the crook of his neck. 

“Wait, I need my sketchbook,” he said, reaching his other arm back towards the kitchen. 

“I already put it in your room, Kookie,” Taehung reassured him, knowing that Jungkook wasn’t keen on the idea of his brother looking through it. 

“Stay tonight, please,” he pleaded when Taehyung lowered him into the bed, clearly not planning on getting into it with him. 

Taehyung tucked the duvet up around him, “I’ve got work later or you know I would. But my break’s at two so you can come visit, if you want to.”

Taehyung worked at one of the many small independent coffee houses in the city so that he could buy Jungkook food whenever his parents were away as well as restock his art supplies. Most of Jungkook’s wardrobe and jewellery were also from Taehyung but in the form of hand-me-downs (not that Taehyung hadn’t tried to take Jungkook clothes shopping after his last growth spurt). 

“Of course I want to.” 

And with his parents away, there was nobody to stop him. 

“How about we have lunch together?”

“Sounds good, Taehyungie,” Jungkook murmured, being dragged back down into sleep. 

Distantly, he could feel Taehyung’s fingers stroking his hair while he sang to him, “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…”

Present Day

“What’s the theme?”

The sound of Jimin’s voice made Jungkook jump, snapping him out of the intense concentration that came over him when he sketched. 

He’d made excellent progress (in his opinion) on his project for his class. His piece for “love” was now a double-page spread with the fallen angel on one side, feathers scattered around the hunched figure, and a man laying spread-eagle on a bed of flowers on the other. 

Jungkook put his pencil down, deciding that it was as good a time as any to take a break since he’d already been interrupted. He looked around for Yoongi but he was nowhere to be seen- Jungkook assumed he’d gone to get takeaway, spending yet more of Jungkook’s money. 

“Love. It’s pretty broad.”

Jimin perched on the end of the table, his pupils blown wide from whatever he’d been taking (Jungkook kept an eye on what Yoongi bought and flushed anything he deemed too far, and generally Yoongi took the hint, but Jimin was a mystery to him as far as that was concerned), “I’ll be honest, Kook… I don’t get it.”

Jungkook sighed, “You have to look at both together, hyung. The fallen angel gives his wings to the man he loves.”

“So it’s about Kim Taehyung. You used to call him your angel.” 

“Not like that,” he lied. 

Jimin raised an eyebrow at him, “I was in Taehyung’s year, do you really think I didn’t see that photo?”

Who hadn’t seen that photo? 

Yet that day had been one of the best days of Jungkook’s life because Taehyung had finally-

No, he wasn’t going to think about it. It was pointless, he couldn’t change the past. 

“It wasn’t like Junghyun said.”

“I know, I remember thinking that picture was pretty damning but also that your brother must be blind and an idiot. And everyone else, actually,” Jimin mused.

“What do you mean?” Jungkook frowned. 

Jimi thought for a moment, dragging up his memories of what had happened back then, “Well, your brother obviously put it out that Taehyung was taking advantage of you-” Jungkook nodded along, he knew that part “-but I remember when he used to bring you to dance practice. At first, I thought it was a bit creepy the way he used to be so fixated on you but it soon became obvious he was absolutely head over heels in love with you. Guy must have had bad taste,” Jimin teased. 

“Very funny, hyung,” Jungkook said flatly. 

“Anyway,” Jimin continued with his version of events, “when you left the team and came back a year later with Min Yoongi, of all people, on your arm, I had to wonder what happened with you and Taehyung.”

He could keep on wondering because Jungkook certainly wasn’t about to start talking to him about it. He was very aware of where Jimin’s loyalties lay and wouldn’t trust him with anything he might not want getting back to Yoongi. 

Jungkook shrugged, “Well, things didn’t work out and I preferred Yoongi.”

Or he’d been an idiot and thought the ability to stick a clear label on a relationship, and to be given that physical aspect, was worth more than everything Taehyung had ever given him. 

Jimin rolled his eyes, “Yeah, and that’s why I haven’t seen you look genuinely happy in three years, because you and Yoongi are so happy together.”

He picked up one of Jungkook’s pencils, holding it up to inspect it. 

One of the pencils from the last set that Taehyung had ever bought him, and had been hidden at the bottom of a drawer ever since they moved to Seoul a year ago. He wasn’t sure why he’d gotten them out now except maybe to torture himself. 

“Stop acting like you know me,” Jungkook snapped, snatching the pencil from Jimin’s hand. “I’m going to work in the kitchen.”

He didn’t spare Jimin a second glance as he hurriedly gathered his supplies into a messy bundle in his arms and carried them into the other room. 

After dumping everything unceremoniously onto the small table, Jungkook moved over to the fridge. It was bare except for a single photograph, taken on a rollercoaster when he, Taehyung, Yoongi and Junghyun had gone to a theme park when he’d been fifteen. 

Really, Taehyung had wanted to take Jungkook out for the day but he couldn’t do that without taking the other two, or it would have looked too suspicious. However, Yoongi and Junghyun were both terrified of rides so he and Taehyung had plenty of time just the two of them. 

His fingers brushed across Taehyung’s face, his boxy grin impossibly wide as he’d laughed at the way Jungkook had cheered the entire way around the ride. 

But those days were over and there was no point crying over spilt milk. 

Except that Jimin was right- Jungkook was miserable, staying with Yoongi out of a sense of duty more than anything else. 

If he could, he’d walk out of the flat and get on his knees to beg Taehyung to give them a second chance. But Yoongi’s threat echoed through his mind. He’d been high as a kite when he’d said it but that only made his words more sincere. 

“Kook, can you get some plates out?” Yoongi called from the hallway, apparently back with food. 

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Jungkook moved to do as he was asked, reaching into the top cupboard to pull the plates down. 

However, he forgot about the mug he’d also stowed in there, just to the side of the plates, because he’d been too tired to put it in the proper cupboard after drying up. Unnoticed by him, it was pushed slightly by the edge of a plate until it tumbled from the shelf to shatter on the floor. 

Jungkook froze, staring wide eyed at the shards of porcelain scattered across the tiles. 

Quick, pick it up before dad sees, you idiot!

Heart racing, Jungkook threw himself onto his knees to pick up the broken pieces of the mug.

“It’s alright, Kook, it’s just a mug,” Yoongi said, coming into the kitchen “we’ll just- Jungkook, what are you doing?”

Jungkook stared at his hand clenched in a tight fist around a shard of porcelain, blood oozing between his fingers. He suddenly gasped in pain, like he hadn’t been aware of it until he looked at it, but he didn’t let go. 

Instead, he gripped it tighter until he cried out.

You deserve this pain for what you put Taehyung through and what you’re putting Yoongi through. To love you is to be burned. 

Yoongi prised his fingers open and the shard fell from his palm, sticky with blood which now dripped onto the floor. 

“Fucking hell, Jungkook.” Yoongi held Jungkook’s hand up towards the light, inspecting it. “Come on, we’ll have to take you to get this looked at. What were you thinking?”

Jungkook pulled his hand out of Yoongi’s grip, “I’m fine. I’ll take myself to the minor injuries unit.”

The hospital wasn’t far away, he could walk the distance in less than twenty minutes. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Yoongi scolded, yanking the tea towel from a drawer handle and wrapping it around Jungkook’s hand, “you can’t go on your own.”

“The Chinese takeaway down the road might not care that you’re stoned but the hospital will, Yoongi. I’ll be fine, it’s not like you’ve ever looked after me before.” 

Yoongi had no response to that because he knew it was true. Yoongi might have been in pain and needed the drugs to numb himself but what about him? What would they ever have done if Jungkook had seriously injured himself? 

Jungkook stood up and, being careful not to get blood inside the sleeve, tugged his jacket on in the hallway. 

“At least text me,” Yoongi said, following him. 

“Yeah, whatever,” Jungkook mumbled as he opened the front door and slipped out into the foyer. 

He had twenty minutes to think of a good excuse for why he had a gash across the palm of his hand. He definitely couldn’t tell them he’d zoned out while he’d done it, or that he deserved it. 

For one thing, he couldn’t afford to take the time off work when they no doubt chalked it up to stress and signed him off. The good thing about his job was that he was technically self-employed so could work as and when he chose but the disadvantage of that was the lack of sick or holiday pay.

Luckily, it wasn’t the first time Jungkook had had to lie about how he got an injury. 

Taehyung spun around on the swivelly chair that had somehow found its way into the break room. He should probably be making the most of his break but with ten minutes still left, he was bored. 

That was the problem with working the night shift- he couldn’t go anywhere on his break.

“Taehyung?” 

He spun back around to the door, sitting up straight but relaxed when he saw it was only Soojin. The two of them had been at university doing their nursing course together and after graduating that summer, they’d both gotten jobs in the minor injuries unit at the same hospital. He was glad for it though- Soojin was the closest thing he’d had to a friend in nearly ten years. 

“What is it?”

“There’s a young man in the waiting room, he’s just cut his hand, and I know you’re on your break but do you mind seeing him? I’ll tell Choi-nim and you can have the extra ten minutes after.”

“Why don’t you want to do it?” Taehyung asked, suspicious. 

“Remember that kid that came in a few weeks ago and we suspected that the broken arm maybe wasn’t an accident? And how you were really good with him?” Taehyung nodded, unsure where she was going with this. “Well, this guy’s crying silently.”

“And? Maybe he’s embarrassed?”

“No,” Soojin said firmly, “people cry because they’re hurt and their instinct is to attract attention so someone will help them. People only cry silently because they’ve been conditioned not to attract attention but they still can’t stop themselves.”

Taehyung considered her words- he knew she was right. Soojin’s hobbies included reading psychological research papers in her free time. 

“Also, he’s clearly lying about how he did it,” she added. “He’s dripping blood onto the floor but he says a broken bit of mug was wrapped up in something else and he accidentally grabbed it. He’s obviously used to having to lie about these things. And you’ve got a knack for these types of things. I haven’t got the emotional capacity for it.”

“Fine,” Taehyung strode towards her, holding his hand out, “give me the sheet. What's the name?”

“A Jeon Jungkook,” she said, checking the clipboard as she handed it over. 

Taehyung’s blood turned cold.

“Tae, what's wrong?”

“Nothing, I just know a guy with that name.”

And a boy who used to cry silently

“Well it's a pretty common name, so I'm sure it's not the same one.”

“You’re probably right, you always are,” Taehyung said, smiling reassuringly at her before making his way to the waiting room. 

He looked down at the board as he stepped through the double doors, acting as if the name meant nothing to him, “Jeon Jungkook?”

When a chair creaked to his left, he looked up straight into the eyes of his Jungkook. 

“I’ll go to a different hospital,” Jungkook said, hastily wiping his eyes as he walked away

Taehyung’s eyes moved from the blood-soaked towel wrapped around his hand to the blood on the floor to the trail of blood that dripped from Jungkook’s hand as he walked away. 

He took a deep breath, he had to be careful, he couldn’t make it look like he knew Jungkook. 

“The closest one is a forty-five minute drive away,” he called, following after him. 

He knew Jungkook wasn’t stupid and there was a concerning amount of blood on the floor. Hopefully, the reminder would be enough to make him stay. 

Jungkook stopped and turned on his heel. 

“I want someone else to see me.”

“There’s nobody else available.”

“I can wait.”

Taehyung stepped closer, keeping his voice low so only Jungkook could hear him, “Jungkook please, just let me-” do my job , that was what he was supposed to say “-look after you.”

Jungkook shook his head, “I can’t-”

Taehyung caught him as he stumbled slightly. 

Under the guise of supporting him, Taehyung discreetly moved one hand down to Jungkook’s waist, and whispered into his ear, “Sweetheart, this is silly… I’m still your angel.”

Jungkook’s breath hitched and Taehyung worried he’d pushed too far. But Jungkook silently nodded, allowing Taehyung to lead him out of the waiting area. 

Usually, he would have dealt with this kind of injury on the main ward but given the circumstances, he opted to go to one of the private examination rooms, making sure to lock the door behind them. 

“So you really did come to do that nursing degree,” Jungkook mused, seating himself on the bed. 

“Why would you think I didn’t?” Taehyung asked, putting a couple of pillows behind him and gently pushing Jungkook back against them. 

He then went to the sink and washed his hands while Jungkook spoke, “I wondered if maybe you’d lied so you had an excuse to leave.”

“You left me first,” Taehyung said, collecting a wad of gauze, a bottle of disinfectant, bandages and a needle and thread. 

“You pushed me away, you asked me to live with you but not as boyfriends, like a parent and child,” Jungkook muttered bitterly. 

If the night before he left for Seoul was the second worst night of his life then the night Jungkook was referring to was the worst night of his life. He’d messed up, he knew that, and he’d had four long years to think about that. 

Jungkook was right, he’d wanted Jungkook to live with him so he could look after him properly and get him out of that house, but he’d failed to appreciate that Jungkook would see that as a rejection, and Jungkook had reacted badly to that. 

The only person who had shown him genuine love and affection had seemingly rejected him, of course he’d lashed out and threatened Taehyung with the prospect of leaving him for Yoongi. It wasn’t as if Jungkook had ever been shown how to handle emotions properly in a home like his. 

And Taehyung had reacted even worse than Jungkook. 

He surreptitiously wiped his clammy hands on the inside of the pockets of his scrubs before pulling the trolley over to Jungkook. He also dragged the wheeled stool over with him to sit on beside him. 

When he unwrapped the sodden towel, Taehyung found that some of the blood had dried, sticking the towel to the wound. He pulled it off as gently as he could, tensing everytime Jungkook hissed in pain. 

“Remember step one, Kookie?” Taehyung asked, pressing some of the gauze he’d collected into Jungkook’s palm.

“Stop the bleeding.”

“So why are you still bleeding everywhere?”

“I tried,” Jungkook pouted.

“You should have lifted it above your heart,” Taehyung told him, lifting Jungkook’s arm with his own fingers pressing tightly onto the wound. 

“You were always better at this than me.”

“I kind of had to be.”

How many times had Taehyung patched Jungkook up, whether from his dad’s fists or the bullies at school? 

Jungkook leaned back against the pillows, “My head feels funny.”

“You’ve lost a fair amount of blood but you should be alright in the morning, you just need to rest and let Yoongi pamper you a bit.” Jungkook snorted derisively. “And no…” Taehyung paused awkwardly. He took a deep breath and reminded himself that he needed to do his job still. “And no getting aroused for the next week or so or you’ll feel dizzy. You need your blood to stay in your head.” 

“I’ve only ever been attracted to one man in my life and it certainly isn’t Min Yoongi, so I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

“Why that one man?”

He didn’t need to ask who it was as he looked into those warm, doe-eyes. 

I’m not into boys either...apparently that doesn't apply to you... I want all these things that I’ve never wanted before and it scares me...

“I’ve never really been able to work out my sexuality but I think that for me, attraction is based on the emotional connection.” Taehyung nodded to show he understood. “The only man I’ve ever been attracted to is also the only man I've ever truly loved. But then he left me and came to Seoul.” 

“This isn’t the way I wanted things to be either, Jungkook.”

“If you’d let me have what I wanted, you would’ve had what you wanted.”

“You needed stability and a good home, and I had to choose between what you needed and what you- what we both wanted.” Taehyung lowered Jungkook’s hand, gently lifting the gauze to see that the bleeding had stopped for the time being. “Or so I thought but I was wrong, and I’ve regretted it ever since.” 

He knew he’d said too much but everything had always come spilling out of him around Jungkook. Just never the right things. 

He’d never managed to tell him that he loved him.

“Right, let’s get this clean and stitched up,” he said brusquely, avoiding the tension crackling in the air, not giving Jungkook a chance to shoot him down. 

“Does this mean I’m going to end up with a cool scar?”

Taehyung was glad that Jungkook was playing along.

“Maybe but you might not be able to see it very well because your palms aren’t smooth anyway.” 

The lines criss-crossing the skin were likely to obscure the kind of faint scar that Jungkook might get. 

He wiped the blood from Jungkook’s fingers before dousing a cotton pad in disinfectant and making sure the wound was properly cleaned. 

Jungkook flinched when it came into contact with the cut but Taehyung had been expecting that and held his wrist firmly. He’d always been the same. 

“What happened, Kookie? This wasn’t just from accidentally picking up a broken bit of china, it’s too deep.”

Taehyung prayed to a God he didn’t believe in that Jungkook would let him in the way he once had. 

“I’ll tell you but as Taehyungie, not Nurse Kim.”

“I was asking as Taehyungie,” he reassured him, threading the needle to stitch the wound. 

It would give him something to concentrate on while Jungkook talked. He just hoped he could keep his hand steady. 

“I accidentally dropped a mug and I was picking it up, but I… I don’t know… it was like I zoned out and when I came back round, I was holding one of the pieces in my hand and then I thought, I deserve this, I deserve to be hurt like this.”

“You don’t deserve it, Jungkook. You never have.”

“Don’t I? I kept pushing you when you were trying your best.” 

“And you’d never been given a chance to make mistakes and grow from them. It’s human to make mistakes, Jungkook. I wanted to give you a space to do that but I ended up doing the opposite.” 

With the cut stitched, Taehyung held a dressing over it and began wrapping a bandage around it with practiced movements. 

“I really am sorry, Jungkookie. I was so focused on your immaturity that I forgot about my own. But really neither of us were equipped to deal with such a delicate situation.”

He’d seen everything in black and white- what Jungkook needed versus what he wanted- but the two things weren’t that easy to separate. 

Jungkook hadn’t needed a boyfriend in general, but he had needed for Taehyung to take that final step after two years of walking that fine line. 

Most teenagers had the chance to have their little crushes and their “relationships” that nobody expected to go anywhere. But they hadn’t.

They’d collided into each other and neither of them had been able to handle it. 

The only difference between them had been that somewhere inside himself, Jungkook had known that so he had bowed to what Taehyung thought best while Taehyung had plowed ahead, sure that he was right. 

Maybe he shouldn’t be telling Jungkook that right now, maybe it was too late, far too late… but Taehyung was still desperate for the one thing that only Jungkook could give him. 

He wanted to be forgiven. 

“Wiggle your fingers for me.”

Jungkook oblingingly curled and uncurled his fingers. 

Satisfied that everything was working fine, and that the bandage was secure, Taehyung picked up the bloody gauze and got up to put it in the bin, turning his back on Jungkook.

Suddenly, arms wrapped firmly around his waist.

“I forgive you,” Jungkook breathed, his warm breath tickling the back of Taehyung’s neck. 

He stepped forward slightly and Jungkook’s fingers snagged in the fabric of his scrubs. 

“It’s alright, I’m just turning around.”

He hadn’t held Jungkook in his arms in three years, and this could be his only chance to ever do it again, he wanted to do it right. 

Taehyung held Jungkook tightly, burying his nose in the hair that was as feather-soft as he remembered. Jungkook had always seen Taehyung as his caretaker, his guardian angel, but there was something about having Jungkook’s arms wrapped around him that made Taehyung feel safe. 

It made him feel whole. 

“I’m sorry for being so aloof at the club,” Jungkook said softly. “I just didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want to get hurt again.”

“What are we going to do, Jungkook?”

He couldn’t bare to lose Jungkook again but he didn’t have the right to ask anything of Jungkook. 

“I don’t know but we’ll work it out. We found each other in this huge city, that means we’re meant to be.”

“I wish I had your optimism, Jungkook.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got enough for the both of us.” 

“Come on, I’ll give you a lift home,” Taehyung said, his heart heavy.

He wondered if this whole encounter counted as a form of self harm.

“I don’t think you’re just allowed to leave work, Taehyung,” Jungkook smiled, pulling away from him, though his hands still lingered on his waist. 

“Soojin can cover for me for a bit, she owes me for interrupting my break to deal with you.”

Jungkook raised an eyebrow, “I thought you said nobody else was available to treat me.”

“I lied.”

“I’m glad you did.”

“I can’t believe you lived so close the entire time,” Taehyung huffed, pulling up outside of Jungkook’s block of flats. 

He noted that Jungkook’s directions had taken him the long way round despite Jungkook always taking the most direct route everywhere back in Busan. 

“Like I said, we’re obviously meant to be.”

“Except that both of us have boyfriends and I know you, you won’t leave Yoongi because we both know he’d end up on the streets.”

He was trying not to think of how he would ever get away from Hoseok. 

“Does that not mean we can be friends?” 

Taehyung felt like he’d been punched in the gut even though he shouldn’t have been surprised by the words. 

“Yeah, of course,” he said, smiling through the pain of his heart shattering into even more fragmented pieces. 

Jungkook unbuckled his seatbelt, “My phone number hasn’t changed, by the way.”

“Who says I kept it?” 

“I do because I know you. I bet you still have that memory box, too And I bet your boyfriend really appreciates that.”

“He doesn’t know about it

Jungkook clicked his tongue, “I see. You’re still ashamed of me.”

“It’s not like that, Jungkook. He gets jealous easily and I don’t want him to destroy any of it.”

“Sounds healthy,” Jungkook drawled, in a tone reminiscent of Yoongi. 

It made Taehyung want to punch something. 

“Yeah because you and Yoongi are the poster children for healthy upbringings and relationships.”

Jungkook shrugged, “At least now we’re only messing each other up, and like you say, neither of us were exactly undamaged to begin with.” 

“I should get back to work.” 

“Wouldn’t want people to say I was the bad influence this time, would we?” Jungkook chuckled, getting out of the car. “Bye, Taehyung.”

When Jungkook was a few paces away, Taehyung rolled the passenger side window down. “Jungkook!” he called. 

Jungkook came back to the car, leaning his forearms against the rolled down window, “Yeah?”

“Make sure you keep that hand clean.”

Jungkook smiled brightly, his slightly oversized front teeth on full display, making him look like that twelve year old boy Taehyung had first met all those years ago, “Of course, angel.” 

April 2016

Taehyung grunted as he lifted the shopping bags onto the kitchen side. 

“Hey, Taehyung,” Jungkook greeted him cheerfully, unphased by Taehyung letting himself into the house. “Do you want some help?”

At least he’d been able to come in through the front door instead of sneaking in through Jungkook’s bedroom window. He’d been hoping that Jungyun would move away for university to make things easier both for him to see Jungkook and for Jungkook to get some peace at least when his parents went away. But it seemed like the universe wanted to constantly spite him because Junghyun was still living at home and if anything, more likely to be there than he had been before since he needed somewhere to bring girls home to. 

“No, you just sit,” Taehyung said, starting to unpack the shopping. 

He knew Jungkook only wanted to sneak the bag of dried seaweed out of the bag before Taehyung could stop him and he didn’t want him ruining his dinner.

Jungkook hopped up onto the side, kicking his legs, “Do you know where Junghyun is? He’s been gone for two days.”

Taehyung wondered if Junghyun knew that Jungkook worried about him and always asked after him. Would he even care? Or would he find some way to twist it against that sweet boy?

“I’m sorry, Jungkook. I only saw him today. If I'd known, I would've brought you food sooner.”

Of course Jungkook could have text him but he never did so Taehyung had stopped expecting it. The pride that Taehyung had noticed in him when he was only twelve had only grown in the last three and a half years. 

“Is he alright?” Jungkook pressed. 

“He’s fine, Jungkook.”

“Is he with Yoongi?”

“I’ll give you three guesses.”

Jungkook hummed thoughtfully, “I tried texting Yoongi to find out but he never replied.”

Taehyung’s jaw clenched, he was having to constantly reign himself in whenever he was around both Yoongi and Jungkook. The way Yoongi was looking at Jungkook made his skin crawl. 

“I never used to like Yoongi,” Jungkook continued, “but he’s been different lately. He’s stopped calling me a bratty kid and actually talks to me. He told me he's going to move up to Seoul and make music.”

“You should stay away from Yoongi, Jungkook.”

He was only interested in Jungkook when it was convenient or when he wanted an ego boost, and Jungkook liked to use Yoongi to make Taehyung jealous whenever he was feeling insecure (which was most of the time), or to get back at his brother. Taehyung couldn’t think of a worse combination.

“Worried I’m going to replace you with another one of Junghyun’s friends?” Jungkook smirked.

“No, we both know you could never replace me, Kookie. Who else is going to remember to buy all your favourite snacks?” 

And who else would be willing to stand up to Junghyun the way he did?

“I’d like to try charcoals next but they might be a bit too messy…”

Taehyung had been listening attentively while Jungkook rambled about what he’d been drawing recently and what he had planned for the future.

They were sitting on the kitchen side together, their legs brushing against each other comfortably. 

“I’ll get you something to put down while you do it, then you can just wash that every now and then.”

Jungkook opened his mouth to say something but froze when the front door banged open. 

“Tae? What are you doing here?” Junghyun called from the living room, obviously spotting his shoes on the rack.

“Someone had to feed your brother.” 

“He’s capable of cooking, you know,” Junghyun laughed, coming in with his latest girlfriend on his arm. 

Taehyung had probably been told her name at some point but they came and went so fast that he never bothered remembering them. 

“Not when there's no food in the house he’s not,” Taehyung snapped.

“Just remember whose brother he is, Taehyung.”

“You’re the one who needs to remember that, not me.”

Junghyun laughed, “Maybe you could hook Tae up with one of your friends?” he said to the girl. “I think getting laid would really loosen him up.”

The girl looked him up and down appraisingly, “I’ve got plenty of friends who would be interested in him.” 

Taehyung fixed Junghyun with an icy glare, “I told you, I’m already with someone.”

Beside him, Jungkook tensed. 

Taehyung discreetly reached behind him until his fingers found Jungkook’s and squeezed them reassuringly. 

“And you won't let me, your best friend, meet them so you're clearly not that into her.”

“More like you're a dick and he doesn’t want to subject people to you,” Jungkook shot back, stung by his brother’s words. 

Junghyun’s cheeks flushed with rage and Taehyung shifted forward, ready to dive between him and Jungkook if he had to. Fortunately, Junghyun remembered who else was there and merely snorted dismissively before leading the girl to his bedroom. 

“You shouldn’t rile him up, Jungkook.”

“He already hits me for being something that I’m not, what else can he do to me?”

Taehyung didn’t know but something told him Junghyun was, despite his hard exterior, even more vulnerable on the inside than Jungkook, and far more volatile if pushed. 

“I just think you should be careful.” 

Present Day

Taehyung gazed out of the window towards Jungkook’s building, the engine still running. 

He knew he shouldn’t be there, that he should be leaving it alone, but he couldn’t ignore the fact that despite getting a scholarship, Jungkook was still having to work at a strip club. 

Just how much money was Yoongi wasting on drugs? 

He couldn’t stand the thought that despite managing to escape his childhood home, Jungkook might still be going hungry because of the person who was supposed to love and look after him. 

Except that had been him and what had Yoongi ever done? 

He doubted Jungkook would accept any kind of financial help from him but he wouldn’t be able to look his reflection in the eye if he didn’t try.

Hoseok would kill me if he knew what I was planning on doing , he tried telling himself as if that would do anything. 

Jeon Jungkook was quickly filling Taehyung’s world once more, eclipsing anything else, and Taehyung welcomed it with open arms. 

December 2017

“I just think you should try it, Kook-ah.”

Partway through his warm-up stretches, Jimin looked over towards the studio entrance, expecting to see a newcomer to the dance club. Instead, he saw a boy he hadn’t seen in over a year and hadn’t expected to see ever again. 

And certainly not with the infamous Min yoongi in tow. 

But there was no mistaking those wide eyes. 

He couldn’t help feeling sorry for the boy- Jungkook- after his brother had cruelly sent that picture around everyone in his own year, Jungkook’s and Taehyung’s. Of course that had been enough to make sure that the whole school saw it.  

Jimin went over to the pair hovering by the door, smiling brightly, “Hey, Kook-ah, are you rejoining?”

“No,” Jungkook folded his arms over his chest. 

“Yes,” Yoongi said firmly. 

Jimin thought he had a good idea of why Jungkook was so reluctant to come back. 

“Hyun-Woo left a while ago,” Jimin told him. 

Jungkook instantly perked up, “Really?”

“Really. You should go warm-up before we start.” 

Jungkook practically skipped on his way to the coat hooks. 

“Thanks,” Yoongi muttered, watching him go. 

“It’s nothing, I always thought he was kind of adorable. I’m Park Jimin, by the way.”

Yoongi fixed him with an intense gaze, “Min Yoongi.”

Jimin giggled, “Yeah, I know who you are. The only people more well known than you are him-” he stuck his thumb out towards Jungkook “- and Kim Taehyung.” 

Yoongi sighed, his eyes moving back to Jungkook, “Why do I get the feeling that name’s going to follow me fucking everywhere?"

Jimin didn’t respond, he didn't think Yoongi would like the answer that came to mind.

[journalofsorts2]

okay so my family isn't religious or anything, never has been never will be, if anyone in my family is religious it's by their own choice. so it doesn't really make too much sense why we celebrate christmas, but at this point christmas is more of a commercial holiday than a religious one. anyway, every year the rule is everyone gets $20 per person to buy gifts with, and it's more of an unspoken rule but definitely understood that you have to get at least one thing for each person. anyways, my mom's already broken the $20 rule, which like whatever ig, she's dropped like 80 bucks on just shit for my older two siblings. so like with her spending problem i was like 'ooh she's going all out for them, i wonder what crappy excuse for a gift she's gonna get me' and also a little bit like 'ooh maybe she'll get me something good to pretend she loves me' y'know? and like i'm not spoiled, i grew up lower middle class, christmas isn't always like "spectacular" but i'm thankful for what i get, i'm not expecting people to like drop $60 to get me a new game or anything, like i'd be fine with just some cheap stuffed animal or something y'know? this isn't about money at all. but my mom finally wrapped all her gifts for people and me and my sister sorted them under the tree and y'know what she got me? me neither because there isn't a single present under the tree addressed to me from her. everyone has six or seven gifts to their name because she splurged on people, but i have 4 gifts to me and one of them is for both me and my sister. and like i'm not trying to be greedy or anything, i could have like 2 gifts address to me and i'd still be happy, as long as those two gifts were from everyone. like one christmas i think my brother got like 3 things cause everyone chipped in to one of his gifts cause it was expensive and he really wanted it. but there's not a single gift to me from her. and i think it hurts more because she splurged on everyone else. she really shows her love through gifts this time of year and i got nothing. nada zip zilch zero. and i'm not upset because of the missed out potential for what she could've gotten me. i'm not like 'oh man i could've had more stuff but now i have less!' i'm upset because she couldn't even bother to fish something out of a dollar bin for me. she couldn't even be bothered to haul her ass down to the dollar store and pick something at random. and it's not like she didn't know what to get me. i gave a very long list because in the past people haven't known what to get me so i've been writing stuff down for months, and half of the stuff on there are categories, not even specific things. like one of things i put on there was sanrio stuff, she couldn't even be bothered to buy some random shitty hello kitty thing and wrap it? and she spews shit about how she doesn't know what happened between us, where she went wrong, she spews shit about how she doesn't understand why i don't talk to her, how she still loves me, how she wishes we could have a relationship together. but then she does shit like this! and christmas eve is tomorrow, if theres a present it would've already been wrapped. and i can't even pretend that whatever she got me is still shipping or something because we have a tradition with that where we print out a picture of it and wrap it because then it still looks like you have stuff under the tree. and my dad and sister are mad about this, and so tomorrow they're going to target to buy me a couple gifts. and like i appreciate the thought, i really do, but i don't want my dad to have to spend more money on me, i was raised a penny pincher y'know? and i don't really even deserve more gifts. it doesn't matter, i shouldn't even be upset about it. i feel like an idiot. idk idk. and like i held my tears in front of my dad and sister when they were getting mad about it, because it's really not a big deal. but now i'm sitting in my room writing this and i'm tearing up. idk idk. this was a really long way to explain that my mom doesn't love me. who cares? not me, it whatever, rant over

[loremonster]

Okay but

As a youngest child, my elder siblings were examples on how to avoid hazards. I'd see my parents fail to protect them from a hardship, learn I'd have to deal with that myself, and prepare to evade.

This is why I don't have student loans; I watched my elder siblings get shoved into higher education before they even know if they could DO anything with it. My sister got a business degree, Wal Mart still kept her in part time hell for another decade before the finally gave her full time work, and she's still barely making it work with the addition of her partner's income BECAUSE HE HAS STUDENT LOANS THAT DID FUCK ALL FOR HIM, TOO. Meanwhile my brother got tricked by a for profit school that wasn't actually accredited, so his radio training doesn't actually COUNT for anything and he still got stuck with the bill. His partner is a traveling nurse, who takes contract work because it pays better than regular employment, which had allowed them to manage their debts. He's a stay at home dad now and loving life, but he did not need the financial burden of his student loans just to drive a bus for a couple years.

When my brother took me to the local community collage, when he tried to take me to the financial advisors office, I started crying when presented with the paper work. I collapsed, and the lady suggested maybe he bring me back a different day.

My parents bully me about having not gone to college, BUT IT'S LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON I HAD HALF A CHANSE BECAUSE I'M NOT SUFFOCATING UNDER USELESS DEBT

Sometimes I feel like the family failure because I didn't do the things my parents expected-- but I acted according to what made sense to ME based on my observation. They can be disappointed all they want, I can see what I'm doing even if they can't.

Those who are older than you are worth study, if only to see how not to do things.

oh quote from joseph gordon-levitt on being second, we're really in it now

[ijustwant2write]

‘I want that with you’-Anthony Bridgerton x Reader

(GIF credit to @misskatesharma​)

Requested by @elennox03: ‘I’d like to request an Anthony Bridgerton x read imagine. I’m a huge sucker for husband!anthony. Can you write an imagine where Anthony and his wife are visiting the Bridgerton house and he sees his wife with his youngest sibilings and he realizes he wants to be a dad. When they leave and go back to their house he admits to her that he wants a kid and it’s really fluffy and maybe a little smutty? 🥺’

Characters: Anthony Bridgerton x Reader, Bridgerton family x Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: LOTS OF FLUFF, SMUT

                                    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Anthony sat at the table, newspaper in hand as he waited for his wife to join him for breakfast. The servants were ready to serve the food as soon as the Viscountess sat down. Anthony was engrossed in the headlines of the day, until he heard someone descending the stairs. He hoped it was his wife, smiling when he saw the doors being opened for her in his peripheral. 

“Good morning darling.” he greeted.

“Good morning. Sorry to keep you waiting, last time we visited your family I promised Hyacinth I would wear this dress, it is her favourite.” she approached him, kissing him on the forehead before taking her seat, where a servant pushed it in for her. 

“No bother, we shall still be there on time.” Anthony put down the newspaper as breakfast was laid out in front of them.

“I am excited to be visiting again. Especially since Daphne’s season is coming up.”

Anthony’s happy expression vanished at the thought.“Don’t remind me.”

(Y/N) giggled at her husband as they started eating.“Here he is, the protective older brother.”

“Well, I have to be. We both know men will come flocking towards her, and she will be so hypnotised by it that she won’t think about getting to know them. And to add to that, I know a majority of the men in this community, they go to my club, and there’s a lot I don’t want near her.”

“Oh darling, don’t get yourself too stressed over these matters. I’m sure you will have no trouble finding someone for her. Now let us eat, I am starving.”

Once they finished, the pair headed to the foyer, their servants already waiting with gloves, coats and capes, as well as a hat for Anthony. They put on everything, (Y/N) taking Anthony’s arm as they walked outside to the carriage. The couple didn’t need to speak to enjoy each others company, still holding hands as they looked out of the windows, the familiar streets passing by, before they both recognised the area in which their family lived in. (Y/N) loved being a Bridgerton, not only because she had fallen completely in love with Anthony, but because he had the most wonderful family. She had many friends who’s families were stuck up, or too strict, with some only just liking their husbands. (Y/N)’s whole body filled up with adoration for Anthony every time she looked at him, and her heart swelled whenever he looked back. (Y/N) knew she was extremely lucky, and she was thankful for that every single day. 

When they arrived at the Bridgerton house, they were welcomed in, taken to the drawing room where the entire family was sat. Gregory and Hyacinth were the first to make a move, jumping off of their chairs and shouting out their brother and sister-in-law’s names. Anthony scooped up his younger brother as (Y/N) knelt down to capture Hyacinth in a hug. When the married couple had first started courting, Hyacinth had been in awe of (Y/N), wondering if Anthony was in love with a princess.

The rest of the Bridgerton’s also stood to welcome Anthony and (Y/N). Hyacinth took (Y/N)’s hand and pulled her towards the sofa, sitting down together. She looked over (Y/N)’s dress, thrilled that she remembered to wear that one. As Violet began a conversation with (Y/N), Anthony approached Daphne, intending to talk about her upcoming season, but she beat him to it.

“Anthony, I should like to ask you a few questions regarding my debut.” Daphne started.

“Wonderful, I was just about to bring up the matter. So, in a few weeks, you shall be presented-”

“No, I know how it all works brother. Mama has told me all about it. I wanted to ask you about, well, the more personal side of it. And I think it would benefit me to see it from a gentleman’s perspective.”

Anthony dreaded to think what she would come up with.“Ah, maybe this is a conversation for mama-”

“I was wondering what it felt like when you realised (Y/N) was the one for you. How did you choose her? Was it something that stood out? Something I should be doing?”

Anthony chuckled at his sister’s questions, and how innocent she was. He wished she would stay like this forever.“I believe it is different for everyone sister. I...I don’t know how to explain it, but,” he looked over to (Y/N), who now had Hyacinth cuddled into her side as she and Violet talked,“it felt right. Like when you know the answer to a question, and that feeling of certainty goes through you. You don’t have any ‘what ifs’ about the future, because you know that no matter what happens, they will be the person by your side.”

Daphne smiled as she glanced in the same direction, before looking back to her brother. She had seen that expression of his many times when he was with (Y/N), and she wished someone would look at her that way during her season.

“(Y/N),” Gregory caught her attention. He was sat on the floor,“will we be having a cousin soon? Some of my friends have loads of cousins to play with.”

(Y/N) wasn’t sure how to answer, and Violet sensed that. The older siblings felt a slight awkwardness in the air, knowing it was a touchy subject.

Violet smiled, trying to lighten the mood.“Why don’t we take lunch outside? It is such a beautiful day.”

The eldest siblings all quickly agreed, moving almost immediately. Gregory felt that he had said something wrong, especially wen he saw (Y/N)’s face. Anthony was about to comfort her when Gregory stood up and held her hand, Hyacinth was already holding the other one. 

“I’m sorry if I upset you.” he said, pouting slightly.

(Y/N) gave him a comforting smile, kneeling down between the two.“Don’t worry, you did no such thing. Tell you what, why don’t we play outside after lunch? But you’ve got to let me win at least one game.”

The children giggled, knowing that (Y/N) had never been very good at winning whatever games they played. But both nodded, going ahead of her when she gently pushed them forwards. Standing back up, she realised Anthony had been watching her the whole time.

“What? What is it?” she asked.

“Nothing.” he replied, quickly pecking her on the lips.“Come, let us join our family.”

The rest of the afternoon went by too fast for (Y/N)’s liking. Over lunch she discussed Daphne’s debut, giving her advice on how to deduct herself and little ways to flirt when Anthony and Violet weren’t listening. Their giggles didn’t go unnoticed, Anthony scolding Collin and Benedict for not paying attention to the girls. 

“(Y/N), can we go play now?” Gregory asked as soon as she was finished eating.

“Gregory, you have only just finished for food too. Wait a while, otherwise you will have a bad stomach.” Violet warned him.

“She is not a toy for you two to play with. Some of us would like to speak with (Y/N) too you know.” Daphne pointed out, only to have Gregory stick his tongue out at her.

“We will play once our food has settled, yes?” (Y/N) nodded to the children, who knew they would be waiting as the grown ups talked. 

Anthony had that thought again. Hyacinth and Gregory adored (Y/N), and she had such a way with children. And it wasn’t all smooth sailing with these two, (Y/N) had told them off a few times. It was natural thing that came to her, a natural thing he had put off for so long. Of course, they wanted to enjoy their time together without children, but seeing her like this, and with children of friends started to make him think that perhaps it was time. (Y/N) had only ever expressed her wanting of children once, which lead to an argument. Anthony had always felt pressured to be the one to marry first and produce heirs, so when he found (Y/N), his mama subtly hinted to him about having a baby as soon as possible; just to spite her, Anthony convinced (Y/N) not to dive headfirst into parenthood, something she went along with because she saw how stressed Anthony became on the subject. However, (Y/N) didn’t want to be past her time before it was too late to have a child.

“Alright then,” (Y/N) said as she, the two youngest and Collin stood on the grass,“what game are we playing?”

“Hide and seek!” Hyacinth quickly shouted before Gregory could even open his mouth.

“That’s so boring!” her brother whined.

“And aren’t (Y/N) and I slightly too big to be hiding?” Collin pointed out.

(Y/N) mocked offence.

“N-no, I didn’t mean it like that, and you know it!”

(Y/N) laughed at him, much to Collin’s relief.

“Gregory, we do always play whatever you want.” (Y/N) said.“We’ll play hide and seek today.”

Hyacinth cheered, saying (Y/N) was the seeker before running off. Gregory was fast behind her, whilst Collin shrugged at (Y/N), going off to hide too. (Y/N) just rolled her eyes as she smiled, turning the other way and beginning to count. The others were still sat at the table, engrossed in a conversation, but Anthony was still watching (Y/N). She shook her head at him, still counting until she reckoned they were given enough time to hide. She announced she was coming, looking under benches and around trees and hedges, behind statues and pillars. Collin was the first to be found, unfortunately he was right about being too big to hide. They both set out to find the other two, keeping as quiet as they could.

(Y/N) heard rustling behind her, before something moved in behind the rose bushes. She held back for a moment, waking alongside it slowly to not alert the player  of her presence. Once they had no where else to go, (Y/N) waited for them to make a run for it, jumping out at them. This caused them to collide as they both yelped out, but ending up laughing as (Y/N) realised it was Hyacinth that she had caught. As they sat up, with (Y/N) checking she hadn’t hurt the girl, Collin came bounding over with Gregory over his shoulder.

Anthony knew what he wanted, and in that moment he had no patience. He wanted to tell (Y/N) about his intentions now, but knew it would be better to have that conversation in private. It was going to happen tonight, he needed to say it.

On the way home, (Y/N) noticed how Anthony’s hand was on her thigh, rather than holding her hand, and he was as close to her as he could possibly be. He kept kissing her too, holding her face in his other hand. Some were gentle and long kisses, other were hungry and passionate. (Y/N) was flustered, wondering why he was acting this way. When they arrived home, Anthony took her hand in his, quickly guiding her upstairs to their room.

“Anthony, what are-”

(Y/N) was silenced as he kissed her again, his hands now holding her waist. She embraced it, gripping onto his biceps as he walked them towards the bed. He pulled away, scooping her into his arms and gently laying her down on the bed. He straddled her, leaning down to kiss her again as she pushed off his jacket, trying to take off his shirt too. He sat up, taking it off, and for a moment, he was content with just looking at his wife. 

“Anthony?” she whispered.

His urges drove him forward, kissing down her neck and on top of her breasts, pulling her to sit up with him so he could undo her dress. She told him to stand, as did she, turning around so it was easier to rid of the garment. Once it was off, he pressed his body against the back of hers, taking a second to slow down. He ran his hands from her lower back, rounding her waist and cupping her breasts. She moaned at his touch, purposefully pushing against his crotch. He moved her to face him, knowing he had to tell her what was on his mind now before he completely forgot about them.

“(Y/N).” was all he managed to get out.

“Yes?” she looked back up at him with her beautiful eyes. 

“I...I want us to have a family.”

“I do too.”

“No, I mean...I’m ready.”

“You are?”

“Yes. I know I am. After seeing you today with my brother and sister, well, whenever you’re around children, I realised how selfish I have been. I married you because I love you. And love comes in many forms. One way to express our love is by creating a family of our own.”

“Anthony, are you sure? Because, because you know how happy that would make me?”

He smiled.“And that’s all I want to do, make you happy.”

“You do so every day. But this means the world to me. I love you.”

“I love you, so much. We’re ready (Y/N), we know what we both want. I want that with you.”