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syuga-s · 2 years ago

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feelings are a fickle thing

w.c 15.2 k pairing. Jungkook x gn!reader, Yoongi x gn!reader genre. PURE ANGST bc I'm f*cking insane, suggestive themes, ANGST! a/n. MDNI!!!!! I throw some curses here and there, mention of the word “sex”. this is not inspired by Jungkook or Yoongi whatsoever, they're just my in my brain 24/7 and thought they'd fit well in here. Jaehyun and Yugyeom cameo!! I truly apologize bc this is not a nice story, it's full of immature (wounded) ppl that don't understand themselves, there are no ill intentions but it's just very messy.

Ever since you took Jungkook with you to Olivia’s birthday, all of your best friends haven’t stopped asking about him.

You met Jungkook in college. You hadn't come across him until your spring semester, but you officially became friends when you were sophomores. (around the time he started taking the same classes as you). Soon you became close friends and every free period was spent together.

Classes were over for the day? Time to go get some drinks with Jungkook. You didn’t eat breakfast today? Jungkook would take you to the nearest café just so you could grab something. You had time to kill until you had to go to your extracurriculars? No matter how many hours, Jungkook would stay just talking with you.

It’s safe to say you did everything with him. There were even times when instead of going out with your best friends, you would make plans together, just the two of you. You just fit together with him so well.

Of course, both of you had your own lives outside your friendship. It never crossed your mind why you would never talk about if you were dating or something. But you felt it would be better not to pry into his love life; simply because you didn’t want him to ask you about yours either. It was like some unspoken agreement. You made sure not to talk about the drama outside your friendship under no circumstances, it was better for both.

Keeping everything fun.

Two years into your friendship, other people started questioning the nature of your relationship. Every classmate was so sure that he was in love with you or that you were in fact going out. For (both) your sake, you just ignored them. You refused to be awkward about the closeness you had built with Jungkook. Moreover, you wanted to avoid ruining your friendship for that matter.

But your feelings changed once you graduated.

In the blink of an eye, you got yourself an internship in another state and had to move. In just a few weeks, you were already more than 2,000 miles away, but you certainly didn’t stop talking to Jungkook. Naturally, every day you were apart, it made you miss him more. Your conversations remained uninterrupted, day after day. Both of you texted non-stop. And when you weren’t texting, it was because you were already on a call or face-timing. Not for a moment did you get tired of telling him about your day and every little detail about your mundane activities.

And it turned out to be the same for him. He was always excited to hear how was your day. Just by talking to him and hearing you say, “I’ve been dying to tell you this all day!” made his whole week.

You weren’t even going to stay there permanently. He knew you were going to come back in a few months, still, he felt like part of him was gone for good.

Around three months had passed, and he needed to see you asap. One day, you told him you were craving one of the rum and cokes he used to sneak in when you were in college. And that was it, the perfect excuse for him to make a quick trip to see you for the weekend. The fact that you were like 40 hours away didn’t stop him whatsoever.

After that, you realized how good he was at surprises. You had absolutely no clue that he would fly to you. He had your schedule memorized, so he knew you wouldn’t be busy once he arrived. And well, he had actually asked you in the past days what were you going to do on the weekend, just to be extra sure.

”nothing really, you know I still feel like an outsider around my coworkers lmao, I’ll probably have a few drinks while I watch a movie”, “why do u ask?”

“I wanted to face-time you, we can drink together then 👍”

Just like that, his plan had been accepted, authorized, ratified and ready to be implemented. He could only hope for you to be happy to see him after all these months.

His flight would depart Friday at 5 a.m. and he asked Jaehyun and Yugyeom a few days ago if they could give him a ride to the airport. He asked them to stay at his place the day before, and they didn’t waste any chance on teasing him once they arrived at his apartment.

“The lengths you go for love, couldn’t be me”

“Dude, at least tell me you’re already together or something”

“I can’t believe you’re traveling that far, man”

“They’re my friend, I want to see them”

“Yeah, your friend without benefits.” The silence after that lasted for a few minutes, and there was a smug smile plastered all over Yugyeom’s face. It screamed that he was pleased with himself and his remark.

Jungkook was confident about what he was doing. The only thing in his head was that he wanted to see you. It didn’t have to mean something else. He didn’t have any other intentions. He just wanted to be with you, like when you were back in college. You had been part of his life for almost 4 years, and now he had the chance to go see you, so why wouldn’t he do it?

He kept speaking with his two friends about his plan and aside from their bantering, they were actually happy for him. They didn’t mention it in front of him, but they could physically see he felt different about you. Jaehyun admired everything he had done for him to drop everything for a few days just to spend them with someone whom he had yet to admit he had feelings for.

Yugyeom didn’t buy either that you were just friends, but he was supporting Jungkook nonetheless.

It was time to get some sleep, and he couldn’t close his eyes. He started getting nervous about how would he spend the weekend with you? That was the only thing he didn’t think through. His head was running in circles. Already 3 a.m. and he didn’t get any rest whatsoever. As he was showering, he had an epiphany. How could he not think about it sooner? He was determined on taking you to all the touristy places you wanted to go but haven’t been able to since you moved. Consciously or unconsciously, he just wanted to see you happy around him.

The drive to the airport was silent. While Jaehyun was focused on driving, Yugyeom was fighting to stay up and Jungkook’s mind was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. The car smelled like coffee, and Yugyeom couldn’t remember the last time he was up before it was dawn.

“Thanks for driving me guys, I owe you” Jungkook squeezed their shoulders while he was filled with anxiety. ”Yeah, no problem man, how are you feeling?” Jaehyun asked and eyed him through the rearview mirror. Catching on how he was fidgeting with his phone.

“Didn’t get to sleep, so kind of worried but excited, you know?”

“Man, you should ask for one of those sleep masks at the plane”, Yugyeom chimed in, “you'll have the best sleep ever, I swear.“

“What makes you think I haven't slept on a plane before?”

And he actually did sleep. Twice. The only flight he could find on such short notice had a layover, he didn't have to wait much, so he didn't mind it at all. He fell asleep once again on the second flight and woke up more excited than ever.

He really was dying to see you, and suddenly felt like it had been years since he had you in front of him.

As soon as he got out of the airport, he searched for the nearest store to buy what you had mentioned to him. The rum and coke that sparked his trip.

Now it was time to call you. He didn't want to lose any more time and simply tapped on your contact.

Nothing felt off to you. Jungkook had already told you he would be calling today. It was a bit earlier than you had expected, you were just arriving at your place, and you hadn't even got the chance to get out of your clothes. Still, of course, you answered him at the second ring.

“hello? who is this?” you asked before he could speak.

Him, quickly catching onto you, “hello this is your Uber speaking, I'm currently outside.”

You were bad at this, you couldn't continue joking with him even if your life depended on it. All you ever did was laugh as soon as any word came out of his mouth. Just like you did now.

“I thought you were gonna call later, and that it was going to be on FaceTime if I recall?” You asked while you put your phone on speaker. Soon, you started undressing to get out of your work clothes.

“Yeah about that…” he sounded unsure on how to continue his words and after a loud sigh, he simply uttered, “I just flew 8 hours to come see you.”

Huh?

His words left you standing in your underwear, asking yourself if you heard him right. Your heart didn't even know if it should get excited or scared.

Jungkook called your name. A good minute had passed without a sound being heard from your side of the line. He laughed and added, “I’d really like to say that I am outside right now, so I need you to text me your address, alright?”

You were still confused, but finally blurted an “okay”.

You heard his laugh again. He was endeared by the way you were acting, your little to no words were making his heart skip a beat.

For you, hearing him laugh like that at you, made your cheeks turn pink. And when he told you “I’ll see you in a few minutes then, and calm down it's just me”, it made you mentally slap yourself, he wasn't meant to notice how he caught you off guard.

“Text me when you're here” was how you ended the call and proceeded to send him your address.

Well, how are you not going to be caught off guard when he says he's at the same geographic point as you???? When just a few hours ago he was at your hometown or so you thought?? When even a few minutes ago, you still believed he was just calling you? BUT NOW HE’S ON HIS WAY TO YOUR PLACE?? AND YOU’RE GOING TO SEE HIS FACE AFTER WHAT FEELS LIKE YEARS?

You were still in your underwear with all these thoughts running through your mind. You had no business blowing this out of proportion. Jungkook was right, it was just him.

And it hasn't been years, easily it's been a little bit more than three months. Three months that you haven't seen the person you’ve liked for over a year, but that you recently came to terms with. Nothing more.

You pulled yourself together and quickly dressed up. You also managed to clean your place up a bit, already assuming that Jungkook would stay. More like wanting him to stay with you.

His text came too soon, you were still mentally preparing yourself to see him when you were replying that you were coming downstairs to get him.

Once he got his eyes on you, he proved to himself how much he had missed you. In his eyes, you looked even better than before. Like an even freer version of yourself. Living on your own and doing your own thing suited you so well, and he felt something swell up in his chest.

You wore a beaming smile on your face, one that was just for him. You could swear he got even taller. His hair was definitely longer, and it was a look that had you daydreaming about running your hands through it.

There was just fondness behind the eyes of both of you. And both were terribly awkward about it. One couldn't even tell you were friends from the way you were acting around each other.

Both managed to giggle a bit. Jungkook’s coolness, absolutely gone the moment he put a step into your personal space. But now you were positive you could be excited, having him next to you made your soul know that something had come back into place.

You walked back to your apartment, your heart frantically beating and your head unable to imagine how you came into this exact situation.

Jungkook started to feel a little nervous around you, not necessarily a bad feeling, but his body kind of forgot how it felt to be with you. He just liked you too much to ever admit it to someone else, let alone admit it to his own heart.

You let him into your place and asked him to get comfortable, it didn’t leave your mind when he said he flew 8 hours to get here. You went to get him a glass of water, while he left his backpack in some corner of your living room. Then he placed a brown paper bag on your coffee table before he sat on your couch.

To you, the situation felt like it came straight out of your dreams. To be fair, this was one of the most romantic things someone has done for you. You started zoning out in the kitchen for a bit, soon to be brought back to earth when you heard Jungkook’s tired sigh.

You came back to the image of him pushing his hair back while his eyes were closed, and you almost tripped on the carpet. When he heard you back, he sat straight again and reached for the glass that was in your hand. “Thought you were going to bring out the good stuff.”

You chuckled at that and sat on the armchair next to him. “Kookie, I really don’t mean to sound rude, but what made you come here?” You said with an airy laugh, trying not to lose your smile to make him answer you. He left his water on the coffee table next to the bag, which you hadn’t noticed until now.

He had a smug expression on his face and signaled you with his eyes to grab said bag. It certainly had your curiosity, so you got up to see the contents of what he had brought. You still had your smile on you, which quickly broke into a laugh as soon as you saw what it was. You playfully hit his leg, and his face seemed pleased about your reaction.

“What?! You said that you wanted one!”

“Well yeah, but I didn’t think you’d come all this way for that!”, “i’m glad you’re here though, I was really looking forward to drinking with you tonight.”

Jungkook thought it was great that you didn’t put much thought into what he did. Because he clearly hadn’t come here just to bring you something you could have bought yourself. It even made him feel at ease that you could spend some time as friends. Restating that there were no other intentions for him besides seeing you.

The night went by fast, he made you the drink you had been longing for the past week, and then you switched to the beers you had in your fridge. All those hours were spent talking and talking. One would think that you had already told him everything about your life here, but you didn’t even know how there were more and more things to talk about. Ultimately, you ended up gossiping about both of your friend groups. Both of you only knew them by name, so it was all on good intentions. This was thanks to the alcohol you had just downed and the fact that you were in your little bubble, far away from everyone you knew.

And basically, that’s how you spent the whole weekend with him. Never-ending talks while you visited all the spots filled with tourists. Every meal, snack, and drink was shared with Jungkook. As if time had brought you back a few years ago. But it had this different feel to it. Something that you couldn’t accurately pinpoint.

Could it be the fact that you were older now? Or that you didn’t want to let him go after spending the past days together? Maybe you didn’t want to hide your feelings for him any longer.

You knew he eventually had to go. But Sunday came much too fast for your liking. And Jungkook was also upset. Upset that he had to go back to his reality far away from you.

You hugged him for the first time in three days. Somehow, both didn’t realize that there had been no physical contact between you until now. And he hugged you back. His discontent about leaving, melting away in your arms. A moment where just the two of you existed. You softly said to him, “thank you for coming all your way here, I never imagined you would do this.”

He stayed silent and preferred to keep holding you, he was afraid he would end up doing something else if he looked at you in the eye.

“I’d like for you to come back again sometime, but I’ll be back home before you know it.” You broke the hug at that and gave him a feeble smile.

“You promise?” he raised his brow and put his hands in his pockets.

You rolled your eyes at him and assured him that you would return soon. You said your goodbyes and urged him to leave before his plane took off. “Please text me when you land home, Kookie.”

Jungkook ended up way more confused about his feelings when he returned home. He still thought about you all day, just like he did before he went to see you. But now it felt borderline obsessive. You consumed his every thought, and he started thinking that he couldn’t handle it.

How did you end up not talking with him anymore?

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Back to first semester at college, that’s when he met Mai.

They were such good friends for years that not even Jaehyun nor Yugyeom, and most definitely not you, noticed that they had been friends with benefits since you were all first years.

Mai has always been sweet. Almost overwhelmingly full of energy. You were aware she and Jungkook knew each other, but never did they make it seem that they were more than friends.

You had the chance to meet her when you shared some marketing classes once. And one day, you ended partnering up for a final project, who would’ve thought that she’d become one of your closest friends since then.

You loved talking to her. It was one of those really good friendships where you feel like you’ve known each other for years. You hadn’t been able to form a relationship like this with someone else from college, so you made sure you talked every minute you had together.

One day, after your classes had ended, both decided to go for some coffee.

That afternoon, she told you all about her past relationships, and you did the same. You understood each other so well as if you had been living the same life, but there was this particular story about someone from campus. Someone whom she referred to as her ‘fuckboy’.

She never wanted to tell you their name because she said that you knew them. And to be completely honest, you weren’t dying to know who this ‘mysterious fuckboy’ was. Your mind was somewhere else in that period of your life.

Once you were gone for your internship, all your friends from college kind of drifted away, except for Jungkook, obviously.

But for him, it was different. At least it had been different with Mai. She was still there for him. She’d always been openly in love with him.

So, their thing never ended. Not even when he just came back from seeing you. He still kept looking for her. Called her every other night when he was longing for someone he couldn’t have. In his mind, a relationship with you wasn’t something that could happen. He wasn’t in love with Mai, but she was all he had.

He was so sure that he could never have you, even though you’ve never done anything for him to think that way. His brain couldn’t amount to believe that he could be in a relationship with his perfect friend, so he had settled with having you as that. His best friend, who knew almost everything about him. Everything, but the fact that he liked you a little too much.

To him, that was the only way he could have you in his life.

Even after the remaining six months of your internship, you still felt the same way about Jungkook.

You wanted to feel excited about coming back and seeing him again, but ever since he visited you, you felt him switch. He started keeping many things to himself. His replies came hours later. He was no longer asking you about your day. He just felt off. And for your well-being, you wanted to assume he was having a rough time at work.

When you were finally back in town, Olivia and Van went to pick you up at the airport. Days ahead, you had planned a little get-together at a restaurant with your friends, just so you could quickly catch up with them. You had missed being with the people you loved. And as one would expect, Jungkook was one of those people.

When you let him know about your plan, he bluntly replied, “Sure, I’ll be there.”

Aside from those three, you invited a few more friends, one of them being Mai, too of course. To your surprise, she was the first one who arrived at the restaurant, and she gave you one of the most effusive and affectionate welcomes you could have expected from someone.

It made you happy to see her again after graduating, you didn’t talk much all these months, but the friendship was still there, and you loved that. You introduced her to Olivia and Van for the first time, and all of you started chatting about your return.

After a while, Mai and you turned to talk to each other, while Van and Olivia talked about who knows what.

Minutes were still passing and there was no sign of Jungkook, so, you excused yourself and went out of the restaurant to give him a call. No answer.

You let a few minutes pass and tapped his name again. This time he picked up.

“hey you” you gently greeted him. And just with that, you made him feel weak. Weak for you.

There was no way he could reply rudely to you. To someone who made him feel that way with just their voice.

“hey there stranger.” He said while pinching the bridge of his nose, feeling dumb for not knowing how to talk to you all of a sudden.

“By any chance, do you remember if you had something to do today?” you started telling him in a teasing tone.

He let the silence take over the call.

You were confused, and a little anxious that he was acting this way. Yet, you still tried to reassure him. “hey if you’re worried about meeting my friends, you don’t have to talk to them…”, “Mai is here too if that helps in some way!” Not even knowing if that was the case.

Your friends were never the problem. And of course, he knew, there was no way that he would forget that you were back. That you were finally on the same time zone as him. But he also knew that Mai was going to be there. She had asked him if he was going to show up. And he wasn’t sure that he wanted to do that. He felt somewhat guilty about it all.

Although, to the onlookers, which included you, Mai, literally everyone; there was nothing wrong with the situation.

He apologetically mumbled your name and replied, “It’s not that, but I don’t think I’ll be able to make it”, “I’m really sorry.”

Trying to find out why he wouldn’t go was pointless. You wanted to avoid interrogating him, so you simply accepted his words. You were sad, yes, but you thought that now that you were in town, it would be easier to plan something and go out with him any other time. “Don’t be silly Jungkookie, there’s nothing to be sorry about, we can go out another day!”

He chuckled at your attempt to sound bright, and he felt even worse. There was nothing that he wanted to do more but to see you. Yet, his head was battling with his poor heart.

“We can talk later, okay? Have fun with your friends, please.” And then he hung up.

You were dumbstruck at that, but made your way to enter the restaurant again.

Olivia was the only one that saw your face as you were walking to the table; and somehow she knew it was something that she couldn’t ask right at this moment. Her eyes remained on you, slightly worried about how you were feeling.

You didn’t want them asking what happened or who’d you talked to. There was no need to feel upset or down when you just wanted to enjoy being with your friends. You could perfectly mope a little when you got home.

Now, while your plates were empty and with more drinks on their way, all of you started talking again. This time, it was Mai’s turn to update you about her life. Everything started well, she told you her niece was born a few weeks ago. You stayed on the baby topic for a while, just for her to change it up to her new job. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then suddenly, she dropped a bomb. A landmine of some sort.

“god i’ve been dying to tell you this”, she paused, not knowing how to string together the piece of information. “okay so, you remember that I told you I had a ‘fuckboy’, right?”

You were even excited to hear about it. To you, it was just some juicy detail about her life. Idle talk. So, you nodded at her, your anticipation on an all-time high.

“i’m actually relieved he didn’t come because i was looking forward to talking to you about this!”

He? You didn’t invite many guys. The others weren’t here yet, and the only one that knew Mai was. Oh…

“ it’s Jungkook!!! there i said it” It came as a soft shout, and she immediately kept talking about everything that has happened with them lately.

There hasn’t been a time when you turned your eyes so fast to look at Olivia. Both of you shared a look that lasted a millisecond. You were able to tell her, “ARE YOU LISTENING WHAT I’M LISTENING?????” without uttering a single word.

It’s obvious to mention the fact that Olivia knew how you felt about Jungkook. Someone had to know about the little crush you had on your friend. She knew every thought that has ever crossed your mind about the ‘bond’ you had with Jungkook. So, to be hearing what your other friend was saying about the relationship she had with him, was a shock. Olivia couldn’t even begin to imagine what you must be thinking.

First, it felt like something shattered inside you. You’re not sure if you heard a glass breaking in the restaurant, or if it was just your heart. But there was no time to feel something else. You had to collect yourself because you couldn’t let Mai see you wearing your heart on your sleeve. You had to act like everything was alright and shifted your resentment into excitement. Putting on the act that you were surprised about this piece of information.

She ended up telling you that they were still seeing each other. Most importantly, that he was the one who always called her. Inviting her to stay the night every so often.

Suddenly, you got the whole picture. You came to realize that they’ve been together all along, even before you met him, and that they’ve had this thing going on for about 4 years AND still counting.

All you could think was, “We’re friends, being involved with Jungkook is not okay, at all.”

You were truly pissed, even though it wasn't your place nor your right, to get mad about this simply because, he can do whatever he wants.

You've never been in a relationship whatsoever, he didn't owe you anything, but you were still hurt.

What if you got everything wrong, and he just sees you as a really good friend? And now, how could you let anything happen between the two of you? How, when Mai told you all that’s happened between them?

Everything that happened after that conversation, was a blur.

You vaguely remember which ones of your other friends arrived, let alone at what time or what you spoke with them.

Thankfully, no one noticed your mind had you on autopilot in some way. But now you wanted to run away from there. It had been too much for you.

When all of your friends wanted to jump into another bar nearby, you apologized and gave them the first excuse that came to your mind.

”You should go!” — “i’m starting to get tired from the flight actually, i didn’t really sleep much last night because i was eager to get here so…” you stated with a soft laugh.

“Oh my god, you’re right! i forgot you came here straight from the airport!”

“Aaw babe, you should go home and get a really good sleep”

You took out your wallet to leave them part of the bill, but everyone stopped you and Van spoke, “it’s our treat, don’t even worry about it, we’re here to take care of everything for you, we missed you.”

All of them insisted, and even one of them chimed, “you’ll pay for all of us next time, so don’t think this will happen again.”

Everyone broke out in a laugh at that, and you gave up on trying to leave them money. After that, you got up to individually hug them while telling them goodbye.

You loved your friends, but honestly, this was taking too long. You tried to keep your words to a minimum, hoping they would catch on to your tired self. In the end, you raised your voice so all of them could hear that you were more than grateful that they came to see you and that you were feeling happy thanks to them. Which was partly true, but some things were occupying your head, thus making it hard for you to focus on the people you were supposed to be valuing the most.

Olivia, who was now next to you, whispered, “want me to take you home?”

And you shook your head. She brought her hand to your cheek and both wore a dim smile on your faces. Your best friend, understanding your need to be on your head for now. “i’ll be there in the morning then.” You closed your eyes and nodded at her, accepting her company, knowing you would need someone to talk with about what you found out tonight.

With that, you waved at your friends for the last time and got out of the restaurant.

You waited for a taxi for what seemed like forever. Everything and everyone, always taking too long, exactly when you need to get away from the world. Squeezing your eyes shut, you softly spoke, “please, i just want to get home.”

And the universe did listen. A woman pulled up right in front of you, and you felt relieved.

“Where to honey?” You gave her your address and she nodded once. “Got it.”

On the way home, as you looked out of the window, you started feeling numb. You let out a heavy sigh and your driver asks, “heading home hun?”

“yeah, it’s been a really long day” and you threw your head back on the seat. She noticed your voice was taut. She didn’t voice her concern, instead, she tried to comfort you, saying that you were just a few minutes away.

“Thank you so much”, as she was speeding a bit more, she answered with the same friendly smile she had when you hopped into the taxi.

Looking out the window once again, you started feeling at home. Your building now in front of you and the woman gently lets you know you had indeed arrived.

You paused your movements, your body no longer in sync with your impatience to enter your place. Managing a tight-lipped smile, you blinked yourself back to your surroundings. Finally, you took your wallet out and handed your god-sent driver the cash you owed her and made her keep the change at the premise of swiftly making you get home.

She looked at you through the mirror. “Thank you honey”, “and also i want to say, whatever’s making you heavy, just sleep on it and i’m sure you’ll know what to do in the morning.”

As you were gathering your bags and making your way out, she says, “take care, alright?”

“You too”, “thank you so much once again, i mean it, have a good night.”

The darkness of your place washes over you once you’re inside.

You left your bags and suitcase at the door and turned a lamp on your way to your bedroom. As you were walking, you made a mental note to thank your brother tomorrow for keeping your apartment this nice and clean. Something less on your list to worry about.

You finally got into the comfort of your room and felt that the only way to get on your bed was to throw yourself face down on it.

After a while, you turned to face the ceiling for a few minutes. You were tired, but there was no sign of you actually wanting to sleep. It was an emotional weariness. An exhaustion you did not know how to get rid of. But it surely would not go away with a nap.

You leaned back on your elbows, and suddenly the emptiness of your room made you feel strange. There were little to few clothes hanging in your closet. Your desk with no sign of you either.

You knew that you had taken most of your things with you when you left, and that you put away the rest of them.

But you didn’t consider that the lack of life in your room would make you feel worse. As if you didn’t exist.

“what the hell”

You knew you had to calm down. There was literally nothing you could do about Jungkook and Mai.

Talking to yourself was the only option now.

“I doubt that the right thing to do is act upon my feelings”, “i can’t be the person that dismisses the feelings of my friend just because i wanna act on mine.”

“And why am i getting ahead of myself? What if he’s not even remotely interested in me?”

You brought your hands to your face and groaned at your thoughts. It was way more uncomfortable hearing yourself say these things out loud than you thought.

“who knows, maybe something will happen in another life”, “if i’m lucky, later in this one.”

You were so annoyed, your eyes were still closed, and whined a small ‘i don’t know'.

“I don’t know if i should simply let go right now or try something. Maybe i’m not ready for a relationship despite how I feel, but when would be the right time? There’s no such thing as that. I can’t leave it in the hands of time, i know i should do something because if i don’t, i’m gonna regret it for years, so what’s stopping me?”

While contemplating your last question, you fell asleep.

The next day, you decided to stop talking to Jungkook altogether. there would be no action directed at him anymore. didn’t search for him again, so your chat abruptly died.

He didn’t look for you either after, so you were sure you did the right thing.

Months passed, and occasionally, you’d see Mai’s Instagram stories just to be hit with the fact that they were still going out?, not knowing if they were officially together was unnerving. it was the first time you wanted to know something so bad just to have some sense of peace of mind.

Olivia heard your complaints every time you saw they went out or were at his apartment. and especially when Mai would post pictures of him playing the guitar.

Once in a while you would see how you left your conversation and hate Jungkook’s existence a little, but then you’d get further up on your texts and see how he made you laugh and how constantly you told each other ‘i miss you’, ‘i want to see you’ and even the simple ‘love you’s’ within your goodbyes.

One day, you were at your desk, wrapping up something you had been working on, but you didn’t get up from the chair. The need to write a letter to Jungkook came over you, and you immediately tore off a blank page of your journal.

“I don’t know if you wonder why I stopped talking to you, but I feel like I’m ready to explain myself. Also, I want to start by saying that I’m genuinely sorry and this isn’t an excuse for ghosting you. I want you to know that when I distanced myself from you, it was because I thought that drifting away was my only choice. I was having a really hard time with my emotions and to be completely honest, the only way I know how to deal with my feelings is to disappear. It took me so long to overcome my anger towards you and how you made me feel. You’ve always been my friend, so when I finally accepted how I felt about you… I found out about so many things that got me confused and made me realize how messy everything was. I’ve never told anyone that I’m actually dying to talk to you because I don’t know anything about you anymore, I’ve been in the dark about your life for so long that I don’t know if you’d want me back in your life after what happened. Not only that, but I’ve never thought that acting on my feelings was the right thing to do because I can’t ignore what I know. I felt selfish and dumb for being unreasonably optimistic, I dare say even hopeful that something would happen between us. But after all, I want you to know that I’ve never stopped caring about you. You’re so important to me.”

You never sent it, of course. Yet, the act of writing what you had on your chest, helped you more than you thought. The idea of Jungkook and your emotional distress started to lose their depth after that. A rush of calmness washing over you for once.

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Today was one of your best friends' birthday, Gigi’s birthday.

There was nothing out of the ordinary going on for you this particular day. You got up, cooked something, did laundry for a bit, went to pick up the cake you bought for your friend, got back home and started cleaning the mess you’d left in the kitchen, wasted some time on your phone, and then you started getting ready.

If you had known you were gonna take this long to find an outfit, you would’ve started HOURS ago, but thanks to your poor time management, you were now running an hour late.

You hadn’t actually met Gigi’s friends before, so you struggled a bit with your awkwardness. Everyone at the table was already eating when you arrived, so you had to wait until another one of her friends got there to order something. You were relieved that you weren’t the last person to show up.

An hour later, your phone screen lighted up with a notification. Someone unknown was trying to send you a message through Instagram. You quickly dismissed it, thinking it was one of those spam accounts, but then the same person contacted you through Facebook too, so now you were curious and went ahead to reply.

You thought that, whoever sent them, didn’t really know you.

For starters, you don’t like flowers.

Second, why would they send them anonymously? It was fucking creepy, to say the least.

You felt it was a really shady because who actually knew your address well enough to send flowers? You were thankful that you weren’t home because you would’ve pissed yourself.

But on second thought, it had to be someone that you knew. Someone who has taken you home before, but who?

You can’t get out of your head that if they thought it would be this big-ass romantic gesture, it wasn’t.

Also, the note had you racking your brain, there was simply no context to it.

’Bouquet of flowers that goes well with a soul made of colors’

No one that you know has ever told you ‘your soul was made of colors’ before.

Gigi said, “Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that it isn’t true, you’re the light of my life, but, i really don’t understand? like, give me some context.” Your friend getting annoyed with a piece of paper.

There was just no way to recognize that verbiage. That incidentally sounded very cliché too.

You knew the flowers weren’t at fault, they were cute, but you couldn’t help but look at them with dislike?

You never thought of asking who sent them, you kept it to yourself in hope that, that someone, would reach out and ask, “did you get my flowers?”, but that text never came.

Not only that, but you wanted to believe they came from the one person you missed the most. But you wouldn’t even dare to mention his name every time one of your friends asked, “who do you think sent them?”

The following days, every time you would glance at the flowers while you were cleaning, you’d spend a good number of minutes just asking yourself the same questions over and over again.

One day, you even sat on the table looking at them with your chin on your hand, brows furrowed, not knowing who had sent this to you. It wouldn’t stop being a big question mark to you.

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Jungkook never reached out to you about the flowers. He had never done something like that for someone, so, he didn’t know what to do after they told him they had delivered them to you. When he thought about it, he was sure you’d know he was the one who bought them for you. He wanted you to know that he was sorry and that he was thinking about you still.

Sorry that everything turned out an absolute mess. But he didn’t want you to think about the negative side of it all. That’s why he came up with that poetic little line. Always in love with how you’d dye your hair different colors without a care in the world. To him, it was a reflection of your soul. Dying to be seen by everyone.

His mistake was that he never mentioned any of that to you. That’s why he never got a text from you. His hope for talking to you again, soon gone.

He wanted you back in his life. He felt miserable without seeing you. You two were in the same town, but if felt like you were miles away from him once again.

It was hurting him more than any other breakup he had experienced before. He saw how you just disappeared from his life. You were like a faint ghost, yet when you gave signs of life in your account, he saw how happy you seemed, just living life. Always with your friends and as pretty as ever.

He didn’t know what to do after he left things with Mai. He never told her why they couldn’t see each other anymore. She would rather not hear that he was in love with someone else. Because after all those years with him, she already knew that.

Mai would have wanted to ask him to stay with her at that moment. But she knew that she’d be prolonging his resistance. Conspiring with his discomfort. Jungkook has been already ‘gone’ for a year, at least. So, she preferred her words stay with her.

No matter how many years Mai had been expecting this talk, she never wanted to be ready for it. All she could muster up saying was, “let’s hope you don’t regret this.” All the hurt from her heart poured into those words.

Jungkook didn’t want to feel guilty anymore. He had the vague idea that you knew what was going on between them, but Mai didn’t know how he felt about you. And that made him decide he didn’t want to deprive you of the affection Mai felt towards you.

“I don’t think I will.”

He was tired of feeling like he’d handled everything in the worst way.

Jungkook felt lost and slightly confused. He wished he knew how to stop thinking about you. He felt like he was missing a piece of his soul. Definitely missing his peace of mind.

He remembered the last words you exchanged in that phone call and felt knots in his stomach. Wishing he had done something different. Hell, even said something different.

What have they done to me?

What have I done to myself?

There’s no point in wishing something else, it won’t change what had already happened.

Jungkook couldn’t deny anymore that he’d been feeling your absence in his core. Not quite sure what he’s supposed to do next, but, remembering your eyes and the way you smiled never failed to make him get annoyed at himself for having all these details about you, carved into his head. The notes of your voice and your laugh still playing in his head.

He promised himself then and there, that he’d try everything in him, to get you back.

He would stop denying the love he felt for you. Stop denying himself of being truly happy with the person who understood everything that he was. Only after messing up, he realized that he never should have run away before giving himself the chance to let you know how he truly felt.

A few weeks passed until he ended up building his courage to talk to you. Also pondering which way would be the best to reach you.

Just like that, all those months without talking to each other came to an end.

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It was February.

You woke up to get ready for work. Without opening your eyes, your hand reached to grab your phone and turn off the alarm. An eye open now, you scrolled through the multiple notifications from different apps. Next thing you knew, you had a text from someone. Someone you didn’t expect, at all.

Jungkook

“today is a perfect day to be happy”

That text, single-handedly, made you get out of bed.

What was the reason for that? You haven’t talked in months.

Why did he reach out to you today? On Friday? Out of all days?

You knew he was joking with what he said. It was something your mom would send. He always chose not to be serious, so it kind of made you laugh. Knowing he hasn’t changed after all.

That text, had you confused all day. Should I reply? Do I want to reply? What can I say to that?

You hadn’t been able to focus on your work all day. You were slower and kept spacing out a lot. Not one of your coworkers had seen you like this, they were even unsure if they should ask you what was going on. And thankfully so, they never asked because how would you explain that?

The friend I was in love with and mind you, I never knew that he was fucking with one of our friends for 4 years, just texted me this morning after us not talking for months.

Luckily, despite how you felt, the day went by fairly quick.

Once you were home, you decided to follow his game. You answered, “why”.

The conversation kept a casual note. You just talked about work and all you’ve been doing lately. Before you knew it, everything felt as if nothing had happened between you. As if the recent blank period hadn’t existed at all.

Valentine’s was coming up this week, and you had zero expectations for it. There was nothing for you to do. All your friends had plans with their partners, so that left you to spend the whole day eating and catching up on your dramas and anime.

You talked on the phone to Olivia the next day, her mostly wanting to talk to you about what she did with Kevin, her boyfriend. And for you to help her what to give as a gift for her upcoming anniversary. But she suddenly brought up Jungkook into the mix.

“what have you been talking about, then? it’s been like a week, right?”

Your laugh came up like you were nervous of talking about him. “mostly work, why?”

She laughed about your response and went straight to the point.

“he didn’t invite you to anything yesterday?” Apparently, it was a laughing fest because that made you chuckle once more.

Then you hummed, thinking about the best way to put yesterday’s situation. “i don’t know if i imagined it or if i wanted to believe that, but i thiiiiiink he was throwing hints about going out.”

“i played dumb though”, “also got me thinking that maybe something happened between him and Mai.”

Your friend couldn’t believe how dense you could get at times. But she didn’t say anything, she simply asked you, “something like what? like they fought or something?”

“not like that, but i don’t know, i’m just making up theories” your giggle coming out once again.

“i saw that she went out with another friend and JK kept telling me that he wanted to go out, but none of his friends wanted to haha.”

“mmmm, he definitely wanted to go out with you. maybe he was hoping you’d take pity on him and end up telling him ‘aw, we should go out then’, I’M SURE OF IT.”

“yea- about that, we kind of already have plans sometime in the next week, hah.”

You heard your friend mumbling something that sounded very much like an ‘oh my god’.

Then she laughed loudly into the speaker. “WHERE ARE YOU PLANNING TO GO, TELL ME EVERYTHING.”

Nervously, you started explaining how the conversation went. “mmmmm, i don’t know yet.”

“he just asked if i was busy next week and i said ‘not that i know of’ and he asked if i wanted to go out and i said yes and THAT’S IT.”

“mmmmm let’s see what happens”, “and listen i didn’t know if i should say it but i thought it was weird that he texted you after all this time, i know that technically you never stopped being friends but, you know, feels kinda sus BUT, who am i to know… just keep me posted about your plans.”

With that, your conversation about Jungkook ended, and you moved onto another subject.

Days were passing and Jungkook actively chose not to tell you where you were going nor at what time you’d see each other. All you knew was that it would be on Saturday.

He’s always been like this.

But that’s exactly what you liked about him. He was always spontaneous. Life felt different with him. Freer. Like nothing could tie you down. Always up to do something new without being scared of the ‘what if’s’.

The weekend came. And it’s been the most nervous you’ve ever been this year. But you could also say that you were excited.

Because it’s been a long time since you’ve seen him.

Your mind refused to think about what happened last year. The memories you had with him before all that, flooded your mind. And it somehow made you hopeful. Hopefully, maybe nothing has changed between you, and maybe, just maybe… you could carry on with how things were on that weekend you spent together.

All you could think about was how you felt back then. How happy you were when you saw him at the entrance of your building. How attracted you felt to him. How your heart jumped when you heard his voice in person once again.

You were hoping that, all that happened one more time, today.

When you finally arrived at the restaurant, he told you, he was already there waiting. His eyes were searching for you incessantly, that when they found you, the weight of the past few days, weeks, months was lifted off his shoulders.

It was the same thing all over again. Both of you were awkward enough to act like you’ve never met before. Afraid of giving each other a hug after all this time.

Once you were past that, you started talking like you always have. The same friends from 5 years ago. Sharing laughs over something one of your friends did. Telling the other how someone from work got you frustrated, complaining about it, like you were talking about homework or a school project.

He had seemed to be doing well at his work. He sounded happy talking about it. But the conversation eventually came back to talk about the dream he’s had since forever. Thrilled just by contemplating going some place far away and live off music on his own. Kind of lonely if someone asked you.

What you didn’t know is that he has never talked about that with anyone but you. He always felt comforted telling you about everything that was on his mind because you never questioned his feelings, you always supported him in what he thought he wanted.

While you talked, Jungkook started thinking deeply. How did someone like them came into my life?

In his mind, it was very present how he managed to lose you once. He wanted to imagine how you felt when you grew apart these months thanks to him. Had you been angry? Sad? Did you hate him?

But none of that mattered anymore. While looking at you, he didn’t see any trace of resentment or hatred. He knew how you were towards people you didn’t like, and he felt like he wasn’t part of them and felt relieved.

A few beers later and you still weren’t drunk. Nor tipsy.

Unconsciously, or possibly, ignoring on purpose that you were feeling a bit on edge with this situation.

It wasn’t that late, but a sudden shift in you made you want to leave. Jungkook hadn’t done anything wrong, but your gut was telling you something and your head didn’t want to ignore it despite not understanding.

“i have to head off now, Kook, it’s getting late for me.”

“ah, don’t say that, i was about to ask you if you wanted to come home and have some shots.”

Your stomach twisted at those words. Were you disgusted at that? Was it your nerves? They weren’t butterflies fluttering, for sure.

In the attempt to not turn things awkward, you pretended to be surprised and asked him what kind of shots.

“i think i just have tequila right now, haha”

You playfully looked at him with narrowed eyes as if you were considering going along with his plan, when in fact you just wanted to run from there.

A single glance to your phone and you declined his offer. “i really need to go now haha, i’d like to but maybe next week or something? what do you say?”

Jungkook naively smiled at that and nodded. “sure, we can do that, just tell me when you’re gonna be free.”

You got closer to him to give him a kiss on his cheek and part ways. While walking away, he half-shouted “tell me when you get home!” which you responded by waving at him.

On your way home, something felt off to you. And it was really hard to shake off that feeling. Everyone always says you need to trust your gut, your instincts, intuition, or whatever. But no one tells you how to navigate through those things, those emotions that seem to be overpowering your thoughts.

You didn’t know for sure what Jungkook’s plan entailed. Maybe you were getting ahead of yourself, already anticipating an outcome you didn’t like. Countless “what-ifs” flash through your mind, and every single one leads you to him trying to have sex with you.

For the second time tonight, you felt uneasy, your stomach twisting uncomfortably.

His words repeating in your head.

ask you if you wanted to come home and have some shots

Why weren’t you trusting him? It genuinely made you believe he wanted more. You were starting to feel a little disappointed in yourself for having those thoughts.

It’s always been the two of you. Many times you’ve spent time with him alone. But some lines were never crossed. Not even when he slept at your place a year ago.

Somehow, him taking you to his home, changed everything.

Were you going insane? After all, he’s a man, why else would he invite you back to his place so soon? And just to have a few drinks? You were sure his vibe was somewhere else, and the last thing you wanted was to complicate things after him coming back to your life.

Tonight you were able to realize that things change and nothing can come back and be how it was. You were excited, and you thought you would feel a million pretty things to be exact, but that wasn’t the case, maybe your expectations were a little too high.

Being able to experience this was definitely something, kind of eye-opening, so you could know that you have no control over love.

As you were thinking that, a text, from someone who refused to let go of you (it was mutual to be perfectly honest), lighted up your phone screen.

Yoongi.

He always appears at the worst best times. Just like that first night, when you decided to go out by yourself to a bar in a city where you didn’t know anybody, thanks to Jungkook messing with your feelings.

Your gazes found each other in the crowded room; the spark of attraction ignited. You talked, danced, laughed, shared a few drinks, a joke and, before you knew it, he said: "your place or mine?". Neither of you were looking for a serious relationship but somehow one night turned into a week, then a month and here we are, a year and a half later.

Things with Yoongi were easy. Your talks were funny and cute, you felt at ease around him, like you had known each other since forever.

But all he was, was your something. And both of you were perfectly good with that.

In one of your many nights together, you told him you lived in another state. “i figured.”

“it would be too much for this poor city if we could actually be together.”

You laughed and followed up his thought, “we could end up being a public menace with the way we’re always all over each other.”

You were curled up against him, and he was rubbing your arm.

“Do you already know when you’re leaving?”

You pursed your lips and told him, “mmm i still have like six more months.”

He seemed to think it over. But he already knew what he wanted to do before his words came out.

“Well, i don’t know about you, but i’m not letting you run away from me that easily”, he paused. “would you like if I went to see you once in a while?”

All you could do was smile. You wanted to toy with him or say something witty, but your head quickly decided to eagerly nod at Yoongi.

“Are you serious? You would do that?”

The look you had in your eyes made him giggle. “well, obviously, I’d rather not stop seeing the person whom I can’t seem to get my hands off.”

“Plus, i don’t want to forget how your tongue tastes in my mouth.”

“We can’t let that happen, right, baby?”

The hand, he had on your arm, had now moved onto your thigh. The air in his room no longer felt cold. And the way he called you baby, had you breathing embarrassingly heavier.

With his other hand, he grabbed the right side of your face and took his time inspecting it. He knew exactly what he was doing to you, and it just made him crave you more.

When he finally kissed you, you moaned. The tension he built up made you needy for him. Adding the fact that, just minutes ago, this man had told you he wanted to keep seeing you, the distance not fazing him at all.

“Did you just moan?”, “how are you so shameless?” He said while smirking. Clearly satisfied with your reaction.

You hid your face in his chest and mumbled, “it’s your fault, shut up.”

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Amazingly so, no one knew about that thing you had with Yoongi. He was your precious little secret and well, it was kinda hard to explain what you were doing. There was no reason to talk about him since you weren’t living in the same town.

It didn’t mean that he wasn’t part of your life though, he was actually very present in your day-to-day.

Even though you both were overwhelmed with work, you made time for each other almost every night, even if it was just an hour.

In this time apart, you actually got to know each other even more than you thought, and your head started thinking about him way more than before.

You already knew he was an audio engineer, but until now, he told you how much he enjoys being in concerts and festivals. That his job makes him travel a lot, but it’s not as fun as you would think.

After finding out you had similar taste in music and that you loved being in that environment, he started inviting you to countless concerts. Concert invites turned to visits to your hometown, and those visits turned to promises of traveling together some place else.

This time around, Yoongi had you excited about life.

Your daydreaming started to include him.

And soon, you began to feel confused. This was the first time in your life that you had been talking to two guys.

Last year, you wouldn’t have imagined you’d feel this way about Yoongi. Just until now, you understood what ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ really meant.

Maybe you never saw it as something potentially romantic because your heart was still set on Jungkook at the time.

But situations change. And it’s more than possible for one to feel different about someone because nothing’s the same anymore. It’s not because people change, essentially we do, but it’s mostly because something made us think differently. You opened your eyes. And there’s no way to fix that, you just have to let it happen.

Even though you took some time apart from seeing Jungkook, you still talked to him. You just needed time to sort out your thoughts about that last time you saw him.

You still like him very much so, and your newly found confusion about what to feel for Yoongi, made you want to search for Jungkook again.

You were sure you were doing something wrong. Nothing was set in stone, but that didn’t stop you from feeling guilty about it.

Exactly when that guilt was running through your mind, Yoongi texted you.

“i miss you, i’ve been thinking about you all week”

“i’m going to be there next month for a few weeks, so don’t make any plans”

“can’t believe i didn’t know i was one of those people that catch a 6-hour flight just for some kisses”

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There are days when things happen too quickly. Things you never planned.

You had a couple of days when you just wanted space. Maybe it was because you haven’t allowed yourself some time to process the past rollercoaster of emotions you got yourself into.

But that’s all you wanted, a few days to have some time alone, to recharge, before Yoongi arrived next week.

You’ve been doing this for years, and people were always concerned with you when you disappeared for a few days. You really wish you could follow the same advice you give to your friends.

“Don’t run away when things are hard, your friends are here for you.”

“Don’t drift away from me.”

But that’s all you’ve ever known, dealing with yourself on your own. You’re aware that it may not be healthy, but when you’re alone, you try to overcome your problems, feelings, or whatever’s bothering you. How can a little time to self-reflect be wrong?

This time, Olivia and Van exaggerated a bit. It had been like four days you hadn’t talked or texted anyone and their mind went to think the worst had happened to you. What ticked you off, was that four days had to pass before they checked on you, but whatever.

Turns out that Olivia and Van reached out to you because Olivia’s birthday was coming up on Monday, and they wanted to know if you were going out with them on Saturday.

obviously, yes, what kind of friend do you think I am???

Saturday came, and you never imagined this day would turn out like this.

First. You had been with Olivia since early in the morning. Breakfast was nice cause you were able to catch up on everything that happened since you last saw each other. Later, you decided to go get your nails done for tonight, but Olivia’s car died at like 1:00 p.m. Totally out of nowhere.

“Has this happened before?” You asked. “No, never, I really don’t understand why it won’t start.” Olivia started getting nervous because she didn’t have someone who could run to help. Her ex wouldn’t even answer her, and everyone else was far from where you were.

And you thought life wanted to have some fun because maybe it was a coincidence that Jungkook’s work was nearby, and he was just getting off. Really JUST a coincidence. “Don’t worry, actually I think Jungkookie can come to help us, just let me ask him.”

But tell me, why are you nervous to call him? It’s just him.

So, you called him to ask for help, and he was a lifesaver in its absolute glory. He arrived in about 15 minutes and got the car started immediately. You didn’t even say hello properly, you just waved at him as soon as you saw his car approaching you.

“He looks nice.” Olivia whispered to you while Jungkook was closing the hood of her car, then said to him, “I can’t believe you got here so fast, my dad or my sister would have got here in at least an hour!”

You could only manage to see their interaction unfold in front of you because you had no words. It’s been years since you were speechless because of someone. You literally couldn’t find the reason for being on edge like this. He giggled and told your friend “well, you’re lucky I work close by and that I got off early today.”

You were leaning against his car now, and it got you even more nervous that you couldn’t see his eyes because he was wearing sunglasses.

Well now you have to say something, now that you’re feeling two pairs of eyes on you.

“How was work today? wasn’t there a lot of traffic on your way here?” You finally spoke, your eyes directed at him, and he just smiled as he heard your voice at last.

It has been more than a month since he last saw you and, currently, he was certain that he had missed you.

“Yeah it was cool, and you know, you can’t escape traffic.” You nodded shyly and Olivia wanted to help you, she hasn’t seen you behave like this in a while.

So, she asked, “Have you eaten already?” and before he could say something she kept explaining, “We’re gonna go eat with my family for my birthday, you can come if you'd like!”

Now it was his turn to be a little uncomfortable at this. He would rather not get in the middle of your plans as much as he wanted to spend time with you, so he declined.

“No, don't worry about it! I’m actually going to see one of my friends to grab something.” You asked him, “Are you sure? I mean, you did us a big favor with her car” And he said almost exclusively to you, “It’s okay y/n, you know you can ask me anything.”

You would be lying if you said you didn't have your body on fire with those words.

But you were still feeling awkward around him, and you just wanted to get into the car again. Olivia took her chance to talk again. “You could cut the tension with a knife in here, right?” She felt an intense glare coming from you and continued, “Well, if you can’t come with us, we should get going y/n.”

You turned your eyes to Jungkook and said, “I guess we’ll see each other another day”. He gave you one of his biggest smiles and replied, “Sure, just tell me when”, “bye Olivia”. You got close to him and hugged him. Almost a whisper, “Thank you for this, I mean it.”

And with that, you got into Olivia’s car and asked her, “Are we really going to go with your family?” She was retouching her makeup a bit, as you were putting your seatbelt on, she let out a weird laugh, “Oh god y/n no, I was just trying to be polite with him, I saw you being weird so… that's why we're ‘eating with my family’” Olivia made quotes in the air, so you could finally understand what she meant.

“Can we go for something to drink? I’m dying for something, coffee, tea, 5 shots of vodka anything please” Olivia laughed again as you told her this. The weather today was really hot, you mentally patted yourself in the back for your outfit choice, you could be ugly sweating if you had chosen something else.

As soon as you got yourselves a bubble tea, you started to calm down and process everything that happened half an hour ago. “Can you please tell me why the fuck I was so shy back there?” Your head now in the dashboard of your friend’s car.

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Evening came, and you honestly just wanted to relax and have some drinks to celebrate your best friend’s birthday. However, the interaction you had earlier with Jungkook would not leave your head.

At the time you arrived to the bar with Olivia, you were feeling somewhat anxious. You wanted Jungkook to be there with you.

You were waiting in the queue until the staff could assign you a table. Van and her boyfriend were the first ones to arrive, so they took the task to adopt you tonight, the reason being that you were the only single person in the group.

I want to invite him.

You’ve been texting all day, but you weren’t sure you could show up with him tonight. You didn’t know who did Olivia invite, and you were worried that it was inappropriate to treat this as if you could invite whoever you wanted.

The first drink arrived. It was very naïve of you to think it would relax you whatsoever. All that alcohol did was make you desperate to have Jungkook right there, next to you.

I really really want to invite him.

Eventually, (like 10 minutes later), you finally asked Olivia if it was okay for you to ask him to come with you. Just after she told you it was totally fine, you thought how dumb it was for you to worry about something like that.

It didn’t take you more than once to ask Jungkook if he wanted to come, he almost ran to you. You could’ve sworn he was ready to be there even before you thought about inviting him.

You weren’t even halfway of your second drink when he called you to say that he had arrived at the bar. In the matter of a few minutes, you no longer were the ‘single’ friend in the group. Now you had your Jungkookie.

There are days when things happen too quickly. Things you never planned.

‘Things’ meaning ‘kissing’.

The thing is, that first kiss you shared, was long overdue.

All your emotions were conveyed in the touch of your lips. From your frustrations, resentments and regrets to your purest ones, as affection in its greatest form and lastly, the burning desire that had just ignited inside both of you.

It all happened on pure instinct. You hadn’t shut up for 5 minutes, and he was hearing you intently, looking straight in your eyes.

Then the urge to kiss was all you could think of. He could no longer focus in what you were saying, and neither did you. why am I talking?

Jungkook’s heart started beating faster. Not because he was nervous, but because your face was so close to his, and he could smell your perfume fused with the alcohol you’ve been drinking. Even though none of you was able to register how fast it happened, it still wasn’t happening fast enough.

For a long time, Jungkook kissed you. He pulled back a little. He was still staring at you, and you stared right back as Jungkook kissed you again, entirely different from the first time.

You blushed at the thought that there were people watching you share this moment. But you were happy. You weren’t confused right now. It just felt right to be here with him.

You didn’t think you’d get to do this in this universe. Kissing your friend whom you had been pining for 2 years.

“I think we should get back.” You shyly told him with a smile.

He returned you his most precious smile and his hand slid down your arm until it reached your hand and intertwined your fingers with his. “Let’s go then.”

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You stayed with your friends through the rest of the night, but you never let go of Jungkook’s hand, and he wasn’t planning on it either.

The night ended when Olivia got much too drunk to stand up on her own. Van and her boyfriend handled the account at the bar, while you and Jungkook took care of taking your best friend home.

He drove you to her home while you stayed in the back seat with Olivia to help her stay conscious in Jungkook’s car.

You got closer to the console and rested your head on the side of the driver’s seat, your hand dying to get a hold of Jungkook again.

“Thank you.” It came as a soft mumble, and suddenly the traffic light turned red.

Jungkook turned his head to see you, and the way you were looking at him caught him off guard.

Your eyes were looking upwards at him, with stars in your eyes, sparks falling on him, and you spoke again, “you’ve saved us twice today.”

His gaze was still fixated on you, he smiled and said, “i already told you, you can ask me anything and i’ll do everything for you.”

The softness in your voices made you think that you would never forget a single detail of this night. All you could do was appreciate how strange and brief the most beautiful moments in life are.

You got to Olivia’s house and Jungkook helped you carry her all the way to her bed. And as much as you may have wanted to stay one more hour with him, you kissed him goodbye. And kissed him again. Then he kissed you. And his hand went behind your neck and pulled you closer to his face, even if it was physically impossible. He wanted to kiss you until one of you couldn’t even breathe anymore.

That feeling. That desire. Where was it coming from?

“I’ve been waiting for the longest time to have you like this.” He spoke to your ear while catching his breath.

“You’re the one who was late, dummy”, “but we can’t do this tonight.”

“I know, but I just don’t want to leave you here. I feel like you’re going to disappear from me.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Kookie.” You moved your hand down his face, and rested it on the back of his neck. He tightened his arm around your waist, and you closed the distance again to give him a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll see you next week, alright?”

He nodded at your words and as he was pulling back from you, both his hands hastily went to grab a hold of your head just to give you the last kiss of the night.

Neither of you said anything else, you just giggled at his actions and sent him off to his house.

You both could not help but be drawn to each other.

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Monday and everything was going according to plan. In perfect harmony.

Yoongi was finally arriving tonight and you couldn’t be more excited to see him. It was almost a joke when you told him you were counting the hours until you were next to him.

But first, you were going to spend all day with Olivia, celebrating her birthday.

After collecting her birthday cake and flowers, you made your way to pick up your best friend to take you to the restaurant where Van, her boyfriend and your other friends would be waiting for the two of you.

After all the birthday antics directed towards your best friend, you almost felt bad that now all the attention had been brought to you and what happened last Saturday.

Even Olivia’s attention was all over you, urging you to tell them everything, EVERY-THING.

Van’s boyfriend was the first one to literally ask about Jungkook. “So who’s the handsome guy, huh? I liked him.” One raised eyebrow, eager to hear what you had to say.

Everyone went quiet, listening carefully to basically your whole story with Jungkook until the other day. Faint gasps were heard. Hands over mouths, eyebrows raised. One would think you were telling the most dramatic story ever heard in this century.

You started telling it with a lot of enthusiasm, but as you went on and thought back about why you stopped talking to him, it all felt so vivid once again. It was upsetting to feel like that over something you thought you had already put behind.

Once you finished, Van spoke, “Well, I know I didn’t see much of him but, he seems really nice towards you, I could tell he likes you a lot.”

“He actually helped us get my car going the other day, he REALLY is nice, like, he didn’t have to go do all that, but he got on his way as soon as y/n called him, fucking Kevin wouldn’t have done that for me…”

Van’s boyfriend had his chin resting on his hand, just nodding at everything your friends were saying, taking in all the information. “We should go on a double date.”

“Like, this Saturday.”

You laughed almost in disbelief. Brows furrowed “Are you sure?”

“Why wouldn't I be?!! I told you I liked him!”

“Babe, you like everyone…” Van said while patting his hand.

“Well I like him most, he looks cool and like he can hold his drinks”, “text him right now and tell him that.”

“Tell him that I INVITED him!”

“Not fair you guys”, Olivia told you and pursed her lips. “I want to go tooooooo.”

“Well you can go but, heads up, we’re all gonna be busy eating each other’s faces.”

Van raised her index finger, clarifying that thought, “WITH OUR RESPECTIVE PARTNERS.”

You did send Jungkook that text and he responded straight away, but you kept joking around with your friends, that you forgot to text him back. “Of course I’ll go, I’m dying to see you” “tell them I say thanks for the invite too 😉”

But also because something else was on your mind.

Your attention went to your friends and occasionally to your watch. The thrill to see Yoongi, after a year of him existing solely through your screen, was on a new height.

The thought of him being already on his way to see you had you acting 100x sillier with your friends. And you actually couldn’t wait anymore to be in his arms.

Soon, a text came.

“I’m waiting to pick up my bags, it’ll take me around 20 minutes I think?”

“Where are you? are you still with your friends?”

You didn’t waste any more time at that and you hurriedly said goodbye to everyone. It almost seemed out of the blue. But you couldn’t care any less, you needed to be with Yoongi now.

You went to the airport as fast as you could and thankfully, you were the one that waited Yoongi for a couple of minutes.

The instant you saw each other, Yoongi dropped his bags and opened his arms. This made you run towards him to not hug, but to cling to his torso.

His scent assaulted you. This fresh citrusy smell, like warm wood, was all you could perceive. It reminded you of the countless days and nights you spent with him. Wrapped in his clothes and arms. You missed him.

He beat you to say it first though. “i’m not gonna deny that i missed you a lot.”

“Yoongi… i really really wanted to be with you.”

“I’m here now.”

With a groan, you buried your face in his neck and he quickly began stroking your hair. “i missed you Yoongi.”

He was thankful that you couldn’t see his face right now because he was flushing. He giggled and told you, “me too y/n.”

“I say we should get going now so I can show you how much I miss you, what do you think?” He finally put you down, still in front of him. Then when you bent down to help him with one of his bags, he stopped you and took your hand in his. “Tell me.”

“what? you want me to tell you how needy I am for you?” You wanted to give him the most puppiest eyes ever, but the way you were craving him got in the way you held your gaze.

He grabbed his bags and then whispered to your ear, “it would be nice, but i already know how needy you get around me.”

He was right, still you smiled like a kid caught doing something naughty.

“do you now?”

“you shouldn’t be surprised baby, just because we didn’t see each other for a year doesn’t mean i forgot everything about you”, “i couldn’t stop thinking about every little thing that i like about you.”

“god Yoongi, please stop talking or i swear i’m going to do something indecent.”

The smirk in his face hasn’t gone for a while. “when has that stopped us before?”

“but alright, i’ll be a good boy and wait for you to be indecent at your house.”

He ended with a kiss on the top of your head and both started walking towards the exit. You went for one of his bags to help him carry it, mostly with the intention of holding his hand once again.

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I don’t know why I always want to run away?

I want things I can’t have.

I’m confused now. I felt so good on the weekend, but I don’t know what to feel as of now.

I want Yoongi. I don’t know if I should wait for that possibility but, he’s what I want.

And now that I experienced what I always wondered and wanted, and actually enjoyed being with Jungkook, I can’t see past that. Is it normal? Is it bad?

Am I getting my feelings mixed up? Right now I feel like I don’t know myself. I was so happy on Sunday. I felt so calm, life was treating me so well.

But until yesterday, when I started telling my friends about Jungkook, I started to remember about last year and, I got so insecure.

Today I craved Yoongi’s attention. I felt so needy. Why are my feelings suddenly so strong with him?

I know I can’t keep myself closed up, that I need to experience relationships, but I also feel like I’m in no hurry. But when I say that, I feel like a coward. Just keeping myself safe without learning. I know I shouldn’t be scared of getting hurt, but I can’t help it when I literally don’t trust anyone.

As much as I love Jungkook, I can’t trust him.

Strangely, I don’t even want to know what he’s thinking. I just want to be sure of what I feel, because when I know that, I’m certain that I won’t be afraid of the outcome.

What’s making me feel like this? Is it him? Is it my fears or something else in me?

I don’t recognize my feelings right now, I’m not even worried, I just feel uneasy.

Maybe it’s uncertainty? I hate not knowing what I should do.

When will I make up my mind?

Maybe if it were someone else, I wouldn’t be overthinking this.

Something tells me that things with Jungkook won’t be right. I can’t see my future with him.

I have this idea of what I want to feel when I’m sure that I’m in love and I don’t know if I’m romanticizing it too much, but this isn’t it.

I have the sensation that my freedom’s been taken away.

I don’t understand myself, while I wasn’t sure of anything, I still feel like it was nice to be with him.

But now I know that I don’t want something serious with him. He’s not my person.

If he was, I wouldn’t be thinking of someone else.

I wouldn’t be thinking of how much I want to be with Yoongi and do everything with him.

I’m not in love.

I won’t keep this going, because I know it won’t make me happy.

I don’t want to sneak at night. I don’t want to tiptoe in the mornings so no one knows I was there. I don’t want silent awkward car rides. I want to feel loved.

I don’t know if I’ll hurt him, I feel guilt all over again. But I haven’t forgotten what I promised myself. That I won’t make myself go through things I don’t want to do, just because I don’t want to hurt their feelings.

Maybe this was bound to happen and maybe I just messed up our friendship.

But it’s just another ending. Feelings change and I can’t do anything about that. I won’t force them on me just for the sake of someone else. How could I know that I’d end up feeling like this?

I shouldn’t have kissed Jungkook.

61 notes · View notes

sombreboy · 4 years ago

Text

Wedding night⇢kth x jjk

⇢18+ ⇢pairing: Taehyung x Jungkook ⇢genre: Smut, fluff, mxm ⇢word count: 12.7k ⇢warnings: profanity which is mostly Tae cursing like a sailor, dirtytalk, drinking, dom!kth, sub!jjk, koo sucks tae off in a taxi lmao, slight cockwarming in koo's little throat?, more oral cuz Koo is cockhungry as hell, DADDY KINK, Tae eats Koo's ass like a fuckin champ, light choking ig but its with luv, anal (as always, this is fictional, use lube- koo loves when tae destroys his ass)

A/N: Serves as an ‘after story’ within the Love Maze series AU, however can also be read on it’s own.

“Damn, Tae.” Hoseok whistled, messing with the younger’s formal, silk bow tie whilst Taehyung examined his reflection through the mirror; set out to dismiss his hyung’s side comments, no matter how uplifting.

He was nervous— as he was expected to be. It was Taehyung’s wedding day, and although he’d been dying of excitement days prior, now that he stood in his assigned dressing room; his heart was racing . Of course he was thrilled to be marrying Jungkook--he wouldn’t have proposed to the man if he wasn’t 100% sure. But.. still . It was an important milestone in their life--Taehyung wanted it to be perfect.

“Jungkook’s jaw is going to hit the floor!” Jin’s elated voice joined in from his spot on the couch, where he sipped on a martini; legs crossed as if he was relaxing by the beach, living his best life.

“I can just imagine the look on his face.” Namjoon playfully squeezed Tae’s tense shoulders, grinning at the anxious man through the full-length mirror. Taehyung simply shrugged him off, grimacing as if Joon’s touch stung. “Hyungs.. can you be quiet? I’m trying to think.”

Namjoon stepped away from Tae, hands raised in surrender. “Sorry, sorry. I just can’t believe it— that you guys are getting married, that is.”

At that, an awkward smile tugged at Taehyung’s lips. He couldn’t believe it either; it felt like a dream. Tae didn’t regret getting down on one knee at all, he wanted Jungkook for the rest of his life. Some might think they’d been taking it too fast— or are in a hurry to secure their future; but this was what felt right to the both of them. They’d been dating for five years now, making Taehyung twenty-three; a young adult whose life was only beginning— supposedly. But that was the furthest thing from the truth. No matter how cheesy it sounded, Tae’s life began when he met Kook, his husband-to-be. He wanted to be married to the guy, to be able to call him his husband. They’d even started looking into adoption agencies, knowing the process could take up to a year’s time. Fuck what people thought of their decisions, they were theirs to assume the consequences of.

“Shit, I just hope it all goes well..”

“It will, Tae. This day will go down in the book of your lives.” Namjoon reassured.

Jin snickered, hiccuping, “You’re so poetic, Joon. Trust me, this day is going to slap.”

Meanwhile in Jungkook’s dressing room..

“You nervous? Need a cig?” One of Jungkook’s coworkers, Jia, offered; already pulling out a pack of cigarettes from her purse.

“Uhm.. I don’t think that’s a good idea..” Jisoo frowned, eyeing the other woman with uncertainty. “Just take deep breaths if you’re nervous, Jungkookie.”

“Ooor you could just smoke one.”

“For the last time—“

“You girls are so different, oh my fucking god.” Yoongi nonchalantly grumbled, arms crossed over his chest. Jia rolled her eyes, tucking the cigarettes back to where she found them.

“You guys are being annoying,” Jimin sighed, setting aside his beer before waltzing closer to Jungkook, studying the younger’s appearance with a pleased look on his face.

“Tae’s going to love you. You look good!”

''No smoking, I'm literally about to kiss Taehyung in front of everyone.'' Jungkook murmured, eyes hyper fixated on himself in the mirror. Honestly, a cigarette, or ten would be exactly what he needed right about fucking now. He was so nervous, his breathing was shallow-- his hands trembling. He took a good look at himself... He's always looked the same in his own eyes, ever unchanging. But today was different. Jungkook was different. Suddenly, he could see all the changes he's made since high school-- all the changes he'd been through with, and without Taehyung. The ever growing muscles finally at their peak, the suit flattering to his shape from his widened shoulders to his slim waist. His tattoos snaking out of the sleeve to his hands and by his neck. And his always way-too-long hair that he refuses to keep too short only because Taehyung had once said 'I like it long.'.. Now, that must've been years ago, but it stuck with the younger.

"I really look good?" Jungkook glanced at his friends through the mirror.

“Yes!” They all answered in unison— “Decent.”

“Yoongi, shush!” Jisoo playfully pushed the newly-dyed blonde’s shoulder, assuring Jungkook of how handsome he looked.

“Kidding, kid. You look okay.” Yoongi shrugged, successfully dodging Jimin’s incoming slap to his chest.

“Don’t pretend like I didn’t catch you trying to hold back your tears moments before, Min.” Jia smirked, crossing her tattooed arms over her chest; smile widening at the man’s taken-aback reaction.

“Wasn’t crying. You don’t even know me, anyways.” Yoongi huffed, now more hyper aware of his feelings, hence he snapped his head in the opposite direction of his peers.

“Never said you were crying, now did I?”

“Yo, both of you, stop bickering. If you didn’t hate each other so much, I’d think you’re secretly in love with one another.” Jimin didn’t bother looking at the pair, instead focusing his attention on the man of the night— well, one of the men. He was extremely happy for them; they deserved their happy ending after all the shit they went through. And it was a lot..

“You look hot, spicy.” Knowing it’d tickle Kook’s amusement, Jimin giggled whilst he verbally teased him, hoping to ease his mind even for a bit.

“Damn, Yoongi’s crying might rub off on me.”

“I wasn’t crying for fucks sake!”

Taehyung was left alone for some time; left to gather his thoughts once the suit was properly fitted, black hair slicked back— a couple strands falling down to his eyes. Still, he felt far from put together.. Reaching for his phone, Tae tapped on Jungkook’s profile, thumbs moving before he could think of the right words to say.

To: Kook Hey ;)) I know it’s bad luck or whatever to see each other before the ceremony, so I settled for texting I’m a little nervous, I’ve had to pee like 10 times now But fuck I’m so eager to make you my husband, bet you look gorgeous as always

Jungkooks scrunched smile and giggle grew, his friends surely knew how to hype him up; even though the nervosity was at its peak. "Thanks guys." He reached for his phone on the table as soon as it chimed, tucking his fringe behind his ear as he tapped the message. It didn't matter how long the men had been together, Tae always put a dumb grin on Kooks face with his interesting mashup of rambles and emojis. He quickly tapped back on the screen, he'd become a pretty good texter these days compared to his younger days.

To: TaeTae I'm also nervous T_T the girls (and Jimin) have been hyping me up for the past twenty minutes...I almost considered smoking a pack but I wanted to taste good lol. x) And I'm pretty sure Yoongi cried! feel so awkward in a suit, but they say I look, and I quote, "spicy" :ooo Can't wait to see you though, I can't imagine how fucking pretty you'll look in a suit.. I'll see you soon ^^ <3

Jungkook cringed, this might be the longest text he's ever sent in his entire life. But it was fun, and hopefully it would help ease the elders' nerves.

"Alright, it's time!" Jimin clapped his hands. "We will head to the audience, you got this Kook!"

Fuck, it was actually happening. They were getting married.

Taehyung comfortably sank back in his spot on the couch, chuckling at Jungkook’s use of emojis; it was fuckin’ cute. His boy was a dork, another reason Tae wanted to marry him.. The younger’s plan unknowingly worked, Taehyung felt more at peace as he typed back his reply; fingers moving quickly as he knew it was almost time to go. Now that he thought about it.. it was a waste, considering Kook probably wouldn’t see it until after the ceremony, but it did calm him down, so Tae said to hell with it.

To: Kook You always taste good tho..love everything you have to offer, you know I’m not picky And fuuuuckkk I bet you’re rocking the suit rn baby, don’t feel awkward

“Tae! Hurry.” Hoseok’s head peeked in from the other side, urging him to wrap it up— whatever had him grinning from ear to ear. Throwing his phone to the side, Taehyung looked at his reflection one last time, messing with Namjoon’s work on his tie. When jogging out of the room, Tae cursed to himself— his speech! “Shit, never mind.” The elder was so stressed out that he hadn’t noticed the slip of paper was tightly held in his hand; it was nerve-wracking. Taehyung was the one supposed to wait at the altar; after having been decided by a silly game of ‘rock, paper, scissors’. The one thing they took their utmost time deciding on was the name, however.

Jeon. Taehyung wanted to take Jungkook’s surname. Something about wanting a fresh, fresh start. His boyfriend was his everything, and his father was nothing compared to Kook. Tae felt as if change was needed, and what better way than to refer to himself as a Jeon? It drew butterflies in his stomach..

“Fuck— sorry, I’m here now.” The elder harshly whispered to the marriage officiant, nearly tripping over a random cord on the way. Of course. Fuck, his mouth was dry. Taehyung’s chest felt heavy with excitement, squeezing tightly onto the piece of paper that had his vows written inside; just waiting to be heard by Jungkook— and everyone else, but those words were meant for the younger, truly. Shit, Tae just wanted to see him..

Jungkook was trembling behind the closed doors, continuously having to be stopped by Jisoo from running his hand through his hair.

"Don't mess your hair up, kookie. We spent hours on taming it!" She chuckled quietly, fixing the tie on his neck. He was a nervous wreck, his anxiety causing his stomach to do somersaults. He wants to throw up.

"I've never been this nervous in my life." Kook bounced on the ball of his foot, taking deep breaths. He was gonna get through this. He wanted this. He just wanted to see Taehyung.

"Shh, it's time. Go get that husband, Kookie!" Jisoo patted his back, grabbing the basket of flowers that she'd share with her daughter, Yuna. She was 5 years old now, and having them as the flower girls was nothing but an obvious choice. The doors slowly opened, music playing and everyone on their seats stood up, turning to look at Jungkook. It was a mix of eyes, all showing their own version of joy, whether it be with tears in their eyes or a large smile. But the only face Jungkook could see was the one staring back at him from the altar.

"Fuck..." Jungkook whispered under his breath, his feet finally moving on their own, eyes tunnel visioned on Taehyung. His heart didn't calm down, instead raced even faster, pounding heavily in his chest. But it wasn't out of nervosity, but of excitement.

“Oh, wow..” Taehyung was whipped— in awe, too. Jungkook mirrored a literal angel sent from above, and the elder couldn’t seem to look away; not for one second. The younger one looked stunning.. “Gorgeous..” Tae’s teeth clamped down on his lower lip, preventing it from trembling due to the emotions that’d taken over his body in the form of shivers. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry..

Taehyung couldn’t believe it, they were only moments away from— “Uncle Tae! I have no more flowers..!” A fit of muffled laughter erupted from the small crowd, causing a flustered Jisoo to attempt to quiet down her daughter, murmuring shh’s.

“But mama I need more flowers!” Taehyung laughed, mouthing to Jisoo that all was well; Yuna was too cute. Tae loved the little girl to pieces. Once she was done throwing her mini tantrum— thanks to Namjoon, who quickly swept Yuna off her little feet; Tae’s big grin gradually died down now that Jungkook’s figure had gotten closer. Instead, he licked over his lips, feeling the warm tears resurface once again.

“Hurry up, I wanna hold your hands..” The needy whisper came out weaker than Taehyung had intended, voice breaking whilst he made grabby-hands towards Jungkook, wanting nothing more than to stand before the love of his life. When both men finally faced one another, the elder had the strong urge to kiss him; but he held back. The time hadn’t come yet..

“Wow.. you look so pretty, baby,” is what he settled for, nervously toying with Kook’s fingers, glassy eyes shrinking the more his smile widened.

Jungkook chewed the inside of his cheek, the only invisible release of his anxious state that he could do at the moment. Taehyung looked fucking otherwordly, it blew his mind that this man... was his. Forever.

''You too.... So handsome.'' He whispered back, doe eyes sparkling from the lights around them, enhanced by the layer of tears glazing over his dark irises. Don't cry, don't cry, don't fucking-- well, fuck, he's crying. Jungkook was always a crybaby. ''Shit...'' Kook didn't even register the warmth trickling down his cheeks until now, blinking rapidly as he looked at the ceiling to prevent the stinging in his eyes. His tattooed hands immediately intertwined with Taehyung's, squeezing to ensure that this was indeed their reality. And so, they were both reminded of this reality as the officiant's voice echoed in the venue.

"Welcome family, friends and loved ones. We are gathered today to celebrate the union of,'' The officiant paused to look at the younger. ''Jeon Jungkook and,'' And over at the elder. ''Kim Taehyung."

Jungkook's breath hitched, squeezing his husband to be's hands tighter.

"Your marriage will be a lifelong promise to love, respect, trust and honor each other through the good, the bad and the unexpected. This union represents your commitment to support one another as individual beings but share your joys, sorrows, and dreams as one." The speech continued, the officiant rambled about marriage, about love, about everything-- and Jungkook couldn't do anything but silently admire Taehyung, just as the elder did back. Their expression said it all, it always did. Ever since they were younger, the look in their eyes never changed as they found each other's gaze.

''Jeon Jungkook, do you take Kim Taehyung to be your husband?''

Jungkook swallowed tightly, it felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest at any given moment. The way he fucking loved this man was unheard of.

"I do." His voice was clear, and for that he was thankful-- even if his cheeks were damp with tears.

The officiant turned to look at the elder.

"Kim Taehyung, do you take Jeon Jungkook to be your husband?"

Taehyung didn’t need another second to think it through; he’s had five years to make up his mind—“Fuck, o-of course! I mean, I do.” He squeezed the younger’s trembling hands, twiddling with the delicate piece of metal hugging Kook's ring finger; grinning freely past the layer of tears that washed over his chocolate eyes.

“Forasmuch as Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook have consented together in holy matrimony, and have pledged their love and loyalty to each other, and have declared the same by the joining and the giving of rings, by the power vested in me, and as witnessed by friends and family, I now pronounce you married. You may kiss the groom.” The series of claps and exceptionally loud cheers (drunk Jin) from their friends barely reached Taehyung’s ears. The elder practically threw himself in Jungkook’s arms, tightly wrapping his own around the younger’s neck as Tae kissed the hell out of him, taking his sweet time with his husband. Fuck.. felt disorienting— yet extremely fitting to think that; to be able to refer to Jungkook as his husband.

“I love you so much.” Taehyung’s faint whisper only reached four ears, his and Kook’s. Their friends lingered in the beautifully lit background, cooing; some snapping hundreds of pictures (once again, drunk Jin) of the pair. “And yeah, they were right. You do look spicy..” The elder discreetly raised a brow, having yet to part ways from Jungkook’s warmth. “But tonight, you’ll look even better naked.” The elder’s hands tauntingly slid down to Kook’s waist, where he gripped at his soft edges. Taehyung’s dim smirk diminished into yet another kiss, this time needier..

“Uh, guys? You gonna stop kissing now..?” Hoseok gave them a verbal poke, “We’re still here, you know.”

Jia cheerfully butted in, “Let’s get this party started, I wanna get wasted.”

Jungkook wiped his dry tears off his cheeks when theiy kiss is broken, wide smile mixed with his flustered blush. Tae always managed to sneak in the comments that'd make his insides stir from the mere anticipation of what's to come. Their wedding night. Somehow, that thought made it even more special. And even if they've done practically everything together, Koo was feeling a bit nervous... He wanted it to be even more special. He was thankful for the fact that a bit of liquid courage would surely help with his nerves. Honestly, tipsy sex later on didn't sound that bad...

"Don't say such things yet, or I won't be able to wait until tonight.." Jungkook whispered back, burying his face in Tae's neck momentarily until his blush would subside.

Photos were taken, from Tae popping the champagne bottle for their first drink together as a married couple, arms hooked and cheesy for the cameras, Jungkook cutting their cake and feeding it to Taehyung, with all hyungs in the back cheering like dumbasses, to Yuna smearing cream on Jungkook's nose as he held her. It was the perfect gathering for everyone that loved them, and for the ones they loved. The venue had moved into the party event of the night, Kook's suit jacket came off to only wear the pants and white dress shirt underneath, sleeves rolled up to his biceps, hair slightly messy but still put together. Drinks now in hand, hyungs, friends and the married couple exchanged laughs, memories and embarrassing stories.

''Remember when Taehyungie aaalways would give Jungkookie the marshmallows during breakfast? Ah, so wholesome. And here they are, fucking maaarrried!" Jin laughed, raising his glass for another drink.

''And when they disappeared during that party...'' Yoongi added quietly, his cheeks red from the alcohol. ''Then they came back from upstairs looking all newly fucked.''

Namjoon choked on his drink at the memory, remembering literally finding them naked in the room. But, that was something he'd take to the grave, however giving the couple a look of 'if they only knew.'

Jungkook blushed, tilting his head back to gulp down one of his drinks. ''My favorite is... McDonalds.'' he scrunched his nose at the memory, glancing over at Tae. ''Remember?''

Taehyung sat his half-empty glass of wine down. The slender fingers that once wrapped around its crystal base were now on Jungkook’s thigh, caressing over the smoother fabric of the younger’s dress pants— a different feel compared to Kook’s usual, rugged style. “How could I forget..” Tae chuckled, “That’s the place where you asked me out.”

“I knew it!” Jin’s loud voice startled little Yuna, who was busy stuffing her face with a slice of cake whilst the rest of the adults conversed about different topics that didn’t intrigue her five-year-old mind. Immediately, she hid her face in Namjoon’s chest, small fists clinging onto her father’s suit. “Remember that day in the lunchroom? When both of you were being total assholes and wouldn’t tell us who asked who out? I was right.”

Hoseok’s eyes lit up, as if the memories had just registered in his brain— “I remember! Always thought it was Tae, though.”

Taehyung’s cheeky grin evolved into a laugh, comfortably leaning his body against his husband’s, “Nope. It was him, it was right after the party, too. I remember it clearly— my ass was so sore, and the stars were really pretty.. also, the milkshakes. At that moment, he just.. asked if I wanted to be his boyfriend, so I said yes.”

Jimin’s plushy lips jutted outwards into a soft pout, cooing.

“I didn’t know you back then, but that does sound cute as hell.” Jia looked over at Yoongi, seeing as he was already looking back at her. The sensual tension between those two was pungent, anyone could tell. “This man right here cried fat tears during your vows.” Yoongi’s fond expression shifted into a frown, huffing as he poured himself another drink.

“Not true, Jia. You sure love to over-exaggerate things, don’t you?”

Yoongi definitely cried. Everyone knew.

“Whatever, I’m gonna go... to the bathroom, drank too much..” The last bit was mumbled. With a quick look towards Jia’s direction, Yoongi raised his brows— she got the hint.

“Gonna go check my dress, shit’s too tight.”

And just like that, both disappeared from the table.

Hoseok snickered, “Remind you of some people?” Taehyung smirked, bumping shoulders with Kook.

“They’re definitely hooking up. Yoongi had a tent under those pants.”

“Daddy? What’s ‘hooking up’?” It was Jisoo’s turn to glare at the man at her side, “Jin!”

"That's uhhhh..... oh look Yuna, cake!" Namjoon averted the distraction with sugary sweets, which seemed to work by the way the little child suddenly forgot about any mention of 'hookups', his dimpled smile directed to Jisoo. Jungkook leaned onto Taehyung, his fond eyes travelling across the group. The fact they all managed to still be friends was a blessing. The night went on, everyone getting more intoxicated, Yoongi and Jina still gone-- probably left to continue somewhere else.. and Jisoo and Namjoon ended up leaving because little Yuna had a bedtime to attend. The rest of the group stayed around until late hours, cheering and drinking on to celebrate the newlyweds. But all nights come to an end, everyone standing outside the building to bid their farewell.

"Time for you guys to consummate the marriage huhhhh?" Jin winked, one arm clinging onto Hoseok's shoulder to keep him up straight.

"Itll be like any other night." Hoseok snickered, hissing when Jimin kicked his shin.

"Congrats on the marriage, guys." Jimin cheered, blowing kisses in the air to the sweet couple. "I'm very happy for you guys. Ahh.. I want to marry someday too."

"Maybe Mino will marry you." Jungkook giggled, his cheeks red from the alcohol heating him up, clinging onto Taehyung's arm like a child. He surely was bigger, but in a moment like this he seemed just so small and endearing. "See you guys later."

The couple waited for their cab, as neither were in a condition to drive, anxious to get home to their first night as Mr. And Mr. Jeon.

“Someone’s had a bit too many drinks..” Taehyung drunkenly chuckled, wrapping one arm around Jungkook’s loose shoulders to pull him in closer, out stretching his neck; in the lookout for their expected cab. Once the car finally pulled up, Tae slumped down on the backseat, throwing his head back with a tired groan. It’s been a long, exciting day; almost all of the elder’s energy was spent entertaining their guests. “Fuck, ‘m tired, husband..” Like a kid, Taehyung turned his head to gaze into the younger’s eyes, cheeky grin tugging at his lips. “Dunno if I’m gonna be able to fuck you dumb tonight.” Oh, Tae definitely could. Now that he was in a hazier mindset, messing with Jungkook seemed that much more amusing.. The elder might‘ve been tired; but he never got tired of Kook’s body, and tonight was no exception. “Shit, I was really gonna take my time with you and everything.. I was gonna make love to you, hard.” He forced out a defeated sigh, diverting his attention to the various lights outside.

Jungkook turned to look at Taehyung with his wide doe eyes, hands fiddling in his lap. He pouted. "But Taeeee...." he leaned in closer, hand reaching to tug at his husband's collar for attention. He really turned into such a baby when he drank with Taehyung. And maybe, just maybe it also had to do with the fact that they were horny newlyweds, he's been teased all day. "Tired? noo.. babe, we can wake you up. I'll wake youu uuup!"

“God, you’re so fucking cute..” Taehyung scooted closer to his tipsy husband, Tae’s distant laughter now coming across as raspier than before; the slight vibrations in his broad shoulders brushing against the side of Jungkook’s arm. “You’ll wake me up, huh..” Something else was already aroused awake, and the elder couldn’t bare to keep it a secret from Kook for much longer.. “I have an idea— of how you can wake me up, that is.” Taehyung pressed a small kiss onto the younger’s cheek, alert eyes trained upfront. “Wanna know what it is? Shit, why am I even asking, of course you do..” He pulled away from Jungkook’s ear, drunken-breath clashing against the latter’s clammy skin. “Get a feel, baby.” Tae cautiously led the younger’s hand to his bulge, ragged breath hitching in his throat. He was extra sensitive, and it was hard to not make much noise.. The driver would start to get suspicious. “Ah shit.. move your hand.” With a quick peek upfront, Taehyung undid his zipper, man-spreading for Jungkook. Luckily the back was dark enough, but there was always a chance of them getting caught..

Jungkook's eyes sparkled in the dark, biting down on his lower lip to prevent the needy whimper that threatened to escape his throat. He probably wouldn't admit it so openly, but there was something about the risk of getting caught that turned him on even more than if it would've been a simple wait for them to get home. Taehyung surely knew that though. Kook was his little exhibitionist. And the latter was ever grateful that the elder indulged in his deviant desires. "Can't believe I get to call you my husband." Jungkook whispered, voice more steady this time around. One hand still palming Tae’s bulge over his pants, his other hand snaked underneath the waistband for a direct contact, sighing out a shaky breath at the silky, soft yet hard length that throbbed in his hand. Kook has seen, tasted and touched Taehyung's cock what felt like a million times before, but there was no way he could ever get enough of it. Slowly, he stroked Taehyung's rigid length with lazy movements, relishing in the response he drew out from his husband in the form of twitchy hips, the struggle to remain silent.

“Fuck..” Taehyung’s tongue swiped over his lips, temporarily wetting the dry patches. He harshly tugged at his lower lip with his teeth, and the corner of his mouth twitched once as he held back a deep, thick growl. “My fuckin’ husband; you like this, don’t you? My sneaky baby.. jerking me off in the backseat of a stranger’s car. Dirty little thing.” The elder gently rocked his hips into Kook’s hand, looking down at the way the front of his pants would bulge outwards with every stroke. “So fucking good. You imagining it’s your ass wrapping around me, baby boy? Hm? Fuckin’ bet you wanna jump my bones; you wanna feel this big cock inside of you— fuuck..” Taehyung threw his head back, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Mmhm... shit, when you talk like that..." Jungkook rubbed his thighs together, uncomfortably adjusting his erection. "Drives me mad. My little ass is throbbing, clenching just thinking about your fat cock filling it up." Koo whispered into the elders ear, squeezing Taes turgid length a little harder, his hand getting more and more slick with every stroke, focusing his attention on the swollen mushroom tip than the rest of it, rubbing his thumb underneath the crease of the head. "I love you. Do you feel a bit more awake now?" He breathed out coyly, nuzzling his nose into Taehyung's neck. For one it could look like an innocent cuddle, little drunk koo just seeking leverage. But the innocence was nowhere to be found in either of the boys.

Taehyung’s nails sank deep into the fabric of his pants, feeling the strong muscles under his thigh shift into a clenched position. The way Jungkook’s thumb kneaded the spot under the reddened tip; accentuating his vigor— it had Tae losing it. Kook knew how much that gesture drove him insane. He also knew that it turned Taehyung on to the max; if the latter wasn’t in such a trance, he would’ve had to punish Jungkook for it. How dare he tease him in a situation like this one?— knowing Tae wouldn’t be able to fuck his brains out.. “Y-yeah.. more awake. Keep rubbing under there..” The elder grew harder in Kook’s hand, the rocking of his hips gaining more momentum. “O-oh.. fuuck.”

“Everything okay back there?”

Shit— shit! As if it could possibly hide the commotion going on inside of his pants, Taehyung’s hand instinctively covered over his bulge; looking like a wide-eyed idiot. He quickly turned to look at Jungkook, silently pleading with him to answer for the both of them. His voice would betray him, Tae was sure of it. Fuck, he just wanted to arrive at their expensive suite already and fuck his husband..

"All good, siiir! Just a little too much to drink!" Jungkook chirped back, keeping his eyes fixed on Taehyung's wide ones. Mischief was evident on Jungkook's expression, he was fucking thriving off of the risky situation, the embarrassment that could possibly dawn upon them. But Kook was confident the chance of actually being caught was more unlikely. "Don't worry so much, you're way too obvious..." Jungkook whispered, although he did enjoy the tension it provided. "I wonder if I could just suck you off right here?" He added lowly, eyes lowering to watch his hand resume it's work, squeezing and rubbing at the swollen head. He licked his lips, nodding to himself as he leaned down, his raven hair barely visible in the dark anyway. "Just gonna take a little nap til we arrive." He cooed out loud, quietly tugging down Tae's pants to release his length from the strain of fabrics. He sighed, the sound coming out as a quiet moan that only the elder could hear before directly taking the tip into his mouth, no teasing-- just as much as he could possibly take down his throat, tongue brushing against the velvety skin. He remains still, his gag reflex well trained throughout their years together, allowing the elder to just feel the wet warmth of Jungkook's fleshy mouth, like a good cock warming prep. Koo knew this would drive him mad, riled up to the max to get what he wanted in their bedroom later on; a desperate, rough, punishing fuck.

“Kook— wha.. a-ah..” Taehyung gasped; he didn’t expect Jungkook to actually go through with it, but now that the younger’s mouth lingered frozen around his heated cock, Tae found that to be even more surprising. Jungkook was really testing him.. “Fuck, babe quit playing and suck my dick..” His fingers wove themselves in through his husband’s long hair, tugging at its roots. Taehyung stared down at where Kook’s warmth engulfed his most sensitive body part, desperately trying to make out the younger’s swollen lips in the darkness. Still as cautious as ever, Tae’s eyes continuously flickered between the focused driver and his husband, slightly pushing downwards on Jungkook’s head. “Baby, fuck.. so warm, shit.” Taehyung felt as if he’d be able to stay like this forever.. “You’re taking in all of it like a champ, Jesus..”

As if Jungkook was cock-warming him, Tae threw his head back, eyes closed while he visibly relaxed. It was tempting to fuck the younger’s mouth, but after a long; eventful day, this was what Taehyung needed..

“So newlyweds, huh? How does it feel?”

The elder’s eyes immediately awakened, worried that the man would be able to see Jungkook through the rear view mirror. He pushed down on Kook’s nape, feeling the younger’s drool slither down his naked length. “Oh, uh.. it— it feels great.” Taehyung bit down on his rosy lip, slowly thrusting his hips upwards. Fuck, Kook was going to be the death of him.

Jungkook placed his hand on Tae's thigh, smoothing his hand in slow circles as a way of reassurance that he's fine. But of course, Tae knew the younger could take it all. He took a deep breath through his nose, swallowing tightly around the elders swollen length. The fleshy walls of his throat constricted, the light quiet sound of the younger gasping for more air more prominent. But Kooks hand remained soothing on Tae’s thigh. It was fine. He loved this. And, the fact that Taehyung was having a conversation with the driver only made it so much more entertaining.

"That is amazing. You two make a very handsome couple. I can hear the sighs of women from here when they see the two of you together." The driver chuckled lightly.

The moan scratching at the back of Taehyung’s throat converted itself into an awkward chuckle; his posture stiff as he relished in the comforting touch of Jungkook’s hand. “Y-yeah,” another forced laughter, “He’s very good.. very handsome. Lucky to have him— o-oh shit.” Tae felt his husband’s throat close in around him, and the elder insisted Kook could make out the saltiness of his precum. Shit, he was practically squeezing it out of him at this point, Jungkook was so fucking tight..

“Everything alright?” Of course the driver heard.

“Yeah— yeah, ‘m good.”

Taehyung’s tongue swiped over his lips, his fingers having yet to part from the younger’s hair. “Wanna feel you even more..” Subtly, Tae’s hips fucked into his mouth, the tip of his cock repeatedly prodding against the back of Jungkook’s throat. “Oh god..” His body’s rhythm was steady, but anything was better than nothing. The elder stared down at him, admiring the way the boy’s plush lips would occasionally graze the skin of his pelvis. Jungkook’s gag reflex had gotten better, and Taehyung was big— it came as an initial surprise for both. Now, they were used to it. While his dick stayed snug inside of Kook's mouth, the driver decided it’d be a good idea to continue asking them questions.

“Any plans for the future?”

“Uh, buy a house, raise a baby— things like that.” Normally Tae wouldn’t have answered so quickly, but he was desperate for the man to stop asking them questions..

“That’s amazing. Babies are a handful, I have two of them myself, so I wish you guys the best of luck!”

“T-thanks. We’ll need it.”

“How does your husband feel about that? Excited to raise a kid?”

“Yeah, babe. How do you feel about raising a baby with me?” If Jungkook could tease him, so could he. “Come on, wake up from your nap honey. It’s rude..”

Jungkook clawed at Taehyung's thigh for having the guts to force the younger to interrupt what he'd started. He really didn't want to separate his throat from Tae's cock. However, he did, slowly feeling the rigid length brush against his fleshy mouth as he pulled back to sit up straight, combing his fingers through his hair with one hand and wiping his teary eyes with the other. "Yeah,'' His voice came out hoarse. He padded his eyes with the back of his hand, instead acting as if he's so touched by the very thought of children. "Yeah I am very excited, can't wait to raise a child with him." Kook glanced over at the elder as he said so, he genuinely meant every word that rolled off his tongue. However, right now, there was a hint of his mischievous annoyance present. He wanted to tease more. Instead, he opted for simply... Not going back down, leaning back in his seat as he placed his hands in his lap, covering the throbbing bulge he's rocking of his own. Fuck, this car ride felt like it was taking forever...

"How sweet.'' The driver chirped as he finally pulled over by their street.

"Well, here we are. It was a pleasure talking to the two of you, I wish you the best of luck with your future. And congratulations on the marriage."

After seconds of just.. waiting for Jungkook to dive back down, Taehyung passed as an actual idiot. He expectantly stared at his husband, dick stiff as a pole— but without anyone to take proper care of it. When it became obvious that Kook wasn’t planning on continuing, Taehyung scoffed, tucking himself back in with a sour expression. This man..

Once the sight of the massive hotel came into view, Tae was eager to get out of there. He rummaged in his back pocket for his wallet before paying the driver, thanking him for the thoughtful wishes regarding their marriage. However, part of him felt guilty that the man remained clueless about what took place in the backseats, so Taehyung gave him a big tip. It didn’t completely get rid of his gnawing guilt, but it definitely helped..

“Thanks. Drive safe.” The elder waved at the man, an innocent smile on display until the car disappeared from their sight.

At that moment, Taehyung grasped onto Jungkook’s bicep, bringing him closer. “What the fuck was that?” He growled into the younger’s ear, “You didn’t even suck me off, that’s low, babe.” His bigger hand snuck down to Kook’s ass, giving it a firm squeeze. “You teased me a lot back there, I don’t wanna hear a word from you when I do the same. Now come on, let’s get checked in, then we’ll see if I’m still up for it..”

Being manhandled in this manner had Jungkook speechless, the one and only sound he dared to allow slipping past his suck-swollen lips was a breathy whimper. Now, it was no secret that the younger was physically the one at an advantage if he wanted to be-- but the thing is, he crumbled so easily with every word hissing through Taehyung's teeth. Jungkook nodded, keeping his gaze low on the ground as his lips curled up in a small smile, legs trembling with excitement. This little game, it was the perfect thrill. Would he get teased until he physically couldn't take it anymore? Would he be left tied up on the bed for hours upon hours? Or would the elder simlpy be too impatient and just fuck him into a dumb drooling mess?

Not knowing what to anticipate drove the younger mad.

Once they made it to the door of their premium suite, he patiently waited next to his husband who had the keycard to the door, eyes occasionally daring to look at how Tae practically oozed with frustration-- like a cloud of power that followed him all the way from the car. Kook licked his lips at the sight, a soft shaky breath all that left him as he shifted his weight on his feet, keeping his head low still. He wanted to feel small.

Taehyung turned on the doorknob, stepping into the neat space that’d soon turn into a mess. The elder was annoyed, and Jungkook knew how he got whenever something was on his mind, especially something like this.. “What are you doing still standing there? Get in.” No trace of fondness remained put in Taehyung’s naturally lower voice. Tonight, he’d put Jungkook through the merciless teasing that the younger showed him in the car; and Tae was going to enjoy every minute of it. After closing the door behind them, the elder loosened his bowtie, throwing it to the corner where his suit jacket laid. He turned around to face Jungkook, forcing the latter to stare into his eyes by redirecting his chin upwards.

He really looked too cute..

“Why are you so shy? You look so innocent..” Taehyung clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, withdrawing his hand from Kook’s chin. “But you’re far from innocent, and I think you know why.”

With a bratty smile, Tae made himself comfortable on the edge of the bed, unbuttoning the first few buttons of his top. “Why should I fuck you, hm? You’ve been nothing but a pain in the ass.” He made zero efforts to meet Jungkook’s eyes, playing uninterested.

Jungkook's doe eyes widened as he stepped closer to the elder until he stood in front of him, knees almost touching. He tried to meet Tae's eyes, but they kept avoiding him like the plague. And that alone ignited the needy fires within the younger-- he craved the attention even more when he was deprived of it. "Please, Taehyung." Jungkook's voice was low, a just audible enough whine. He dropped to his knees in front of Tae, still desperately attempting to feel his husband's gaze on him. "I'll be good, so good for you." He added, his hands already unbuttoning his own shirt after loosening his tie; eager to free himself from the restraints of the fabrics. Eager to feel Taehyung's clammy skin against his own at some point. Kook threw his shirt to the side, leaving his tie loose around his neck purposefully. He leaned in, placing his tattooed hands on Taehyung's thighs daringly as his sparkly gaze seeked attention. "I'll do anything to make up for it." He licked his lips as he said so, genuine in every sense of his words. "Mr. Jeon." He quirked a brow, liking how his name sounded when addressed to the elder, giving him a new level of authority that had Kook's cock throb beneath his dress pants.

Mr. Jeon..

Taehyung’s fingers tightly curled around Jungkook’s loose tie, roughly pulling the younger’s body upwards, unbothered to be the one who put in the effort to make their gazes clash. In this moment, Jungkook was his little doll; Tae got to handle him as he pleased. “Anything?” Their noses were practically touching whilst the elder’s hot breath fanned Kook’s flustered face, his eyes dead-set on the younger’s relaxed lips. “Call me that again.” Taehyung not only wanted to hear, but he wanted to see. The elder’s stare fell heavy on Jungkook’s lips, anticipating seeing the way they moved as Kook referred to him by such a commanding name. “Fuck.. say it.”

Jungkook licked his plushy lips deliberately slow before he inhaled deeply. "Mr. Jeon... Please, use me." He said with a low voice, his dark eyes still seeking for any attention. But knowing he wouldn't get it until the elder chose to, he settled for observing every little reaction he was able to draw out of him. He knew Taehyung didn't go unaffected, whether he acted like it or not. "Jeon Taehyung." He repeated the full name, this time it came out more like a strained sigh due to the tightness of the tie around his neck, eyes fluttering shut when he felt Tae's hand tug at the fabric controlling his airways.

Fuck, Taehyung couldn’t take it any longer; he had to have Jungkook. It was annoying— how the younger more often than not got away with whatever the hell he wanted, simply because of Taehyung’s undying hunger for the man.. But, who said the teasing had to end there? Surely not the elder. It was more fun that way.. Tae’s bigger hand unlatched itself from Jungkook’s tie, instead snaking around to the latter’s nape, sinking his fingers into the rigid skin before forcing their lips together. The kiss was anything but gentle, instead it reflected off of how Taehyung was feeling at the moment; needy, controlling— rough. “You’re gonna regret messing with me..” The elder mumbled in between their breathless kisses, the grip on Jungkook’s nape now more prominent, and so was the bulge in his tight pants. “You’re gonna listen to Mr. Jeon’s every word, got it?” Taehyung’s thumb caressed over the smooth skin of Kook’s cheek, feeling the warmth radiating from it. “Now undress me, but undo my zipper with your teeth. Hold eye contact throughout all of it, can you do that, puppy?” Not waiting for a clear answer, Tae comfortably leaned back on his arms, waiting for Jungkook to get started.

A spark of excitement swirled in Jungkook's dark gaze, eager to please and serve his husband. It was so fucking hot to see him this way, a nonchalant expression oozing of power, leaned back to showcase just exactly Jungkook was yet to unwrap for himself to see. Kook was confident, thrilled; and impatient. The mix had his hands trembling as he firstly finished the job of unbuttoning every single button on Tae's dress shirt, letting it freely fall to his sides to expose the firm yet soft torso that the younger had seen and admired countless times; yet every single time it felt new. "Yes, sir." Jungkook dragged his upper teeth across his lower lip as he lowered himself back on his knees between Taehyung's legs, eyes never wavering from his husbands. He clicked the initial button of the elders pants open before inching down to clasp the zipper between his bunny like teeth. Kook still stared up at the other male, desperate for any praise at all; and it showed in his eyes. And he was ready to work for it, there was no challenge the younger male wouldn't attempt to conquer. With every tooth of the zipper unraveling, the sound triggered his cock to pulse beneath his still intact pants. He both relished and cursed the slow pace of this, he craved to feel full, yet the journey there was just as exciting. When finished, he kept his teeth clamped on the little metal piece on the zipper, not daring to let go until ordered to do so.

“Have I ever told you how fuckin’ pretty you look when you’re obedient?” Taehyung purposely stayed back to watch Jungkook’s patient expression, knowing he could tell the younger to let go of his zipper whenever he wanted. “Now’s when you decide to be good, huh.. shit, so gorgeous..” The elder leaned forward, a shit-eating smirk tugging at his slightly swollen lips. “Let go.” Right as Kook was beginning to pull away, Taehyung’s palm pressed flat against his throat, gripping at Jungkook’s neck with his slender fingers. Although his grip was too strong to wriggle out of, Tae made sure it didn’t hurt Kook.. badly. “If you were so confident in the car, how ‘bout you prove to me just how deep you can go, hm?” Taehyung’s thumb pressed down harder at the receptive spot on the side of Jungkook’s neck, loving the way his husband seemed taken-aback by his actions. “Suck my cock, no games this time.” Growing impatient, the elder let go of his hold around Jungkook’s skin, expecting him to follow through; just like he always would.

"Yes." Jungkook gasped his word out the moment Taehyung withdrew from his throat, his throbbing erection aching so badly it almost hurt. He wanted to please so badly, he was thriving as he would remain feeling inferior throughout. He placed his hands firmly on Taehyung's thighs, using only his mouth to pick up the tip into his mouth, leaning forward to take the entirety of his husband's rigid cock down his throat, tongue brushing against the soft skin as he did so. Taking a deep breath through his nose, he wasted no time in hollowing his cheeks, sucking with an evident hunger as he began to slowly bob his head up and down. Every time his plush lips pressed against the elders pelvis, he'd feel his throat fight the girth in the form of constrictions, his eyes beginning to gather a layer of tears. He looked up at Taehyung as he withdrew, keeping the tip in his mouth as he swirled his wide tongue around it, only for him to move back down until the bulbous head prodded the back of his throat. Jungkook resumed his ministrations for as long as Taehyung would desire, the wet, loud sounds of the younger sucking with greed striking in the quiet room.

The muscles underneath Taehyung’s throat bobbed with every gulp he took, jaw slack as he watched Jungkook get to work; in a trance from the way his husband’s tongue circled around his head. Ever since they were younger, Kook always knew how to please him during a blowjob. The younger knew what he was doing, and it benefited them both. Those times they’d sneak out of the classroom only for Jungkook to get down on his knees— that feeling of infinite bliss and exhilaration never left. And now here they were, married, yet acting like the horny teenage boys they once were when they properly met... That’s how Taehyung felt with Jungkook; young.

“Shit.. you’re gonna fucking make me burst..” The elder threw his head back, the raspiness of his moans now accompanying the lewd sounds in the room. “You love my cock so much.. fuuck yeah, that’s it, good boy.” Taehyung relished in the warmth a bit longer, cheeks flushed with color. He could endure it a little more..

Jungkook pressed his thighs together at the sounds he managed to draw out of his husband, his muffled moans still caught in his throat. He took it upon himself to ease the pulsating ache between his legs by reaching down with one hand, unbuttoning his tight pants to seek some relief. Never once did he waver the rhythm he'd built up, skillfully sucking and licking Taehyung's turgid length as if he was worshipping the man himself. Kook snaked his hand beneath his own waistband, palming himself through his underwear to find even the slightest of friction, his teary eyes forcing a tear down his cheek to join the mess of drool and precum on his lips and chin.

Similar to a favorite movie of his, Taehyung found the sight below him so foreseeable yet so enticing. No matter how many times the elder’s seen Jungkook’s drool glisten down his skin, each time felt like the first. Kook was working so hard for him, maybe it was about time he did the same.. “Shit.. that’s enough.” With his hands on the younger’s shoulders, Taehyung withdrew his cock from Jungkook’s mouth, instantly missing the warmth it once provided. He gazed down at the thick layer of drool on his dick, and then back at Kook’s face— he looked beautiful like this, with rosy cheeks and watery eyes.. But Tae knew something else had to be done. “Strip for me, wanna see all of you..”

Jungkook gasps for air, not bothering to wipe his glistening chin at all as he gets up on his feet. His cheeks are flushed when he sees his own erection aching beneath the fabrics of his pants. His already exposed torso clammy from working hard on Tae's cock, messy hair and the loose tie gives him a sure look of a good, submissive boy. Now all that's missing is to show off just how badly he needs Taehyung. "Am I doing well?" Jungkook asks, fishing for more praise. His tattooed, long fingers curl around his pants as he pulls them down along with his underwear, allowing the fabrics to pool at his feet before stepping out of them. Now fully in the nude (except for the little cute tie around his neck), he takes a step to stand right in front of his husband, hands limp on his sides as he awaits what's next, cock twitching in anticipation.

“You’re doing amazing, baby..” Taehyung’s hooded eyes skimmed down Kook’s exposed, awkward stance; inhaling every inch of the younger’s skin as if it was smoke to his lungs. Jungkook was drop dead gorgeous— even in such a vulnerable state, he managed to make the elder’s breath hitch. Taehyung was sure that feeling would never, ever go away.. He never wanted it to. It kept things exhilarating between the two; it gave Taehyung a rush like never before. “You look so fucking cute with your tie.” A low chuckle emitted from deep down the elder’s chest whilst his feet moved on his own, breaking the small distance between their bodies. One of his hands landed on the side of Jungkook’s waist, and his pointer finger hooked itself underneath the flimsy fabric around Kook’s neck, drawing him in closer. Their cocks gently grazed over one another, the small contact having Taehyung bite down on his lower lip— his husband’s lower lip, anything to be more than close. “You turn quiet real quick, don’t you?” The elder breathed out against Jungkook’s neck, running the tip of his nose along the responsive skin. “Hope you’re less shy when I pound into you, wanna hear you.” In that instant, Taehyung harshly drove the younger’s back against the wall, caging his relatively larger build in between his own. No matter how much stronger Jungkook was; or how tough he appeared in people’s eyes, Tae knew the younger man would always be his baby boy.

Those doe eyes made Taehyung want to corrupt him again and again.

“So fuckin’ pretty, goddamn.” The elder’s mouth latched on to his husband’s sweet spot, sucking on the soft skin as if it was the last thing he’d do. Both of his bigger hands held Jungkook’s wrists above his head, stopping him from wriggling too much. “Gonna give you so many hickeys, want everyone to know what we came here to do.. and that’s fucking mark my territory.”

"Ah~ yes, I'm yours...." Jungkook's rosy lips parted in a needy whimper, muscles in his arms and torso flexing as he lightly tugged against the restraints that were Taehyung's hands-- however not hard enough to actually set himself free. He could.. but he did.not.want.to.. He was thriving to be Taehyung's good boy. His regular day to day life always consisted of being the big guy, the strong guy. The one in charge. And ever since they were teenagers, the elder was the only person who could reduce him into a whiny, needy boy that just wanted to be manhandled, praised, and properly and utterly fucked. Jungkook's breathy moans were growing heavy, eyes screwing shut as he deliberately focused on the way Tae's lips sucked on his skin-- and trying his best to ignore the borderline painful ache between his legs. He could practically feel the precum drool from the swollen head of his tip. But it was so much easier said than done, and the younger's well repeated words throughout the years slipped past his lips in a quiet whine. "More, please.."

Taehyung’s lips attached themselves to parts of the untainted skin of Kook’s neck, down to his collarbones and shoulders, where he stamped a bundle of kisses— ranging from big to small— along every shuddering dip and arch. “Such a good boy for me, I love you.” With one last look into Jungkook’s eyes, Tae spun the younger around on his feet, hands grabbing at his small waist. “Just wanna devour you whole..” The elder’s breath clashed against the other’s nape, feeling the delicate hairs of Jungkook’s skin brush against his nose in a feather-like touch. Everything Kook had to offer was intoxicating.. Taehyung nuzzled his face in the crook of his husband’s collarbone, one of his hands snaking around to where Jungkook’s aroused cock bobbed. His long fingers didn’t wait to wrap themselves around the thick girth, accumulating the precum at the tip, and smothering it down to the rest of his length.

“Don’t cum yet, alright~?” The elder pressed himself harder onto Kook’s ass, pushing the latter’s chest against the wall. His rock-hard dick stayed snug in between his husband’s cheeks, taunting him with painfully slow thrusts. “Fuck..” Taehyung flicked his wrist a couple of times, then proceeded to carefully stroke Jungkook’s wet cock— from the base to the tip. “Your moans are so fucking pretty, I wanna hear them all the time.”

"Oh, fuck... Tae.." Jungkook pressed his cheek against the wall, heavy huffs and moans slipping past his lips. His cock twitched happily in the elder's hand, finally receiving the attention he so badly craved. But it quickly turned out to be not enough. Not enough at all. "You're so good to me-- god.." kooks voice tore into a higher pitched moan when the elders cock pressed against his plump ass, arching his back to seek more, to silently beg for his husband to fuck him already. But he knew better than that, Tae wouldn't give in so easily; even if they both knew and desired just that. "You drive me crazy, I love you so mu-uch!" He tensed his leg muscles, desperately trying to hold back how fast his orgasm wanted to creep up on him, whining louder with every stroke provided by the other male. Kook imagined their first time in that dirty locker room, this position way too familiar-- yet so different. Tae back then compared to now was a completely different man; and yet parts remained exactly the same. Just like Taehyung, Jungkook felt younger with his husband, like they're still a pair of horny teenagers. Now, they're just older; and much better at what they're doing. "Please... baby, I need more." Kook glanced over his shoulder, his dark doe eyes pleading to the elder like a puppy. "Stretch my tight ass for you... I want your fat cock in me.."

Koo paused for a moment, grinding his hips back against Tae's cock-- "Daddy..."

“You know me too well, baby..” Taehyung growled into Jungkook’s ear, grunts muffled against the side of Kook’s neck as his hips gained momentum; feeling the delicate skin of his cock glide between Jungkook’s ass, continuously rubbing against his husband’s clenched entrance. “Oh fuck, daddy’s gonna make you feel so good.” His hand’s dragging motion faltered, “Well, he always does, doesn’t he?” Taehyung’s teeth tugged at the back of Kook’s tie, forcefully ungluing the younger’s tinted cheek from the wall, choking him in the slightest. With the piece of fabric securely clamped down in his mouth, Tae tauntingly tilted his head to the side, wearing a sly smile upon properly making out Jungkook’s shift in blissful expressions. He looked too fucking good.. The elder’s hooded glance was casted downwards, admiring how the tip of his cock would pop out with every upward drag, standing tall in between Kook’s cheeks. “Hngh..” Taehyung tugged harder with his teeth, nails sinking deep into the flesh of Jungkook’s hips.

"Y-yeah, always-- ahn...." Jungkook shamelessly rolls his hips against his husband's cock, legs quaking to keep himself up, hands firmly pressed against the wall to keep some kind of leverage as he gasps from the pressure against his neck as he's tugged back. "Please, now-- need more..haah..." He breathes out in a choked whisper, licking his lips until they shine as if they were glazed with gloss. His fingers curled against the wall, not caring that it'd cause marks if he kept going. Nothing else mattered, only the boys-- reckless and messy, just like they've always been. Now that Jungkook was deprived of the friction of Taehyung's hand on his cock, all he could think about was to feel his clenching hole being stretched and filled to the brim, his agile hips continuously grinding back deliciously against the elder, showing him what he's missing out on. "Just shove it in me, I'm dying without it." He pleaded once more, screwing his eyes shut as he prayed for the tease to soon be over with-- he swore he'd combust at any moment if he couldn't have it.

Taehyung’s rigid mouth let go of Jungkook’s tie, letting the damp fabric resume to its spot on the younger’s nape. Now that he was able to, Tae trailed open-mouthed kisses along Kook’s flexed shoulder blades, the fluttering of his eyelashes grazing the man’s soft skin. “Just a little longer, babe. You’re a big boy, you can handle it.” However, Taehyung himself didn’t know just how much longer he could take it either.. He was good at teasing, but it didn’t mean he didn’t want to rearrange Jungkook’s guts right then and there. The elder kept it up for a few extra seconds, continuing to grind against his husband’s ass; his dick sandwiched in between each rosy cheek. But those seconds felt like hours, and that’s when Tae called it off. “Not gonna shove it in you now, at least wait until we’re on the bed, will ya?” His chuckle caused his shoulders to vibrate, and his cock to twitch. “It’s our first time as husbands, let’s be a little classier~”

With one last squeeze to Jungkook’s ass, Tae led them both to the spacious bed, too high on the moment to part their hungry kisses. His hand securely clasped the back of his husband’s neck, deepening their kiss until the back of their shins met the wooden edge of the bed. Taehyung lightly pushed on Kook’s chest, urging him to lay on his back whilst he discarded his dress shirt that the younger had previously unbuttoned, lower lip clasped in between his teeth. Kicking off the pants and boxers pooling at his ankles, Tae proudly showed off his naked physique before situating himself above Jungkook, towering over the younger man. “So gorgeous.. so pretty.. so fuckable.” Despite their difference in size, Taehyung was used to manhandling Koo in the bedroom, so it came naturally. The elder liked to joke that carrying his buff husband around was the reason he’d been gaining extra muscle recently.. “Gonna stretch you out first, but with my tongue.. spread those legs wide for daddy, he wants a taste of you.”

Jungkook's cheeks flushed in pink at the praise and commands hurled his way, nodding as he did as told. Shuffling up further on the bed with his husband on top, he reached behind his knees to spread his legs wide for Taehyung, exposing everything he had to physically offer like a good boy. He just looked so small like this, it was pitiful yet endearing. "With your tongue...?" Kook meekly replied, leaning his head back comfortably against the soft duvet, the blush on his face spreading fast across his features. He felt a bit embarrassed, but... He wanted it. Taehyung was skilled in many aspects, and using his tongue was definitely one of them. "Taste me, please daddy...."

“Gladly, baby.” Taehyung could pinpoint Jungkook’s obvious embarrassment from a mile away, the redness in his cheeks drawing all the more attention to his body’s natural reaction. The elder could relate, but he also knew that at the end, Koo’s initial uneasiness would soon turn into pure lust; Taehyung knew how it went— all too well, in fact. “You look so pretty all spread out for me, yeah you do.. fuuck.” Tae pressed his hands against the backside of Jungkook’s muscular thighs, leaning downwards to meet his feast in the eyes. “So pink ‘n untouched.. but not for long.” The elder’s wet tongue lapped over his husband’s clenched entrance once, giving each of them a small sample of what was to come. “So sweet, too..” Tae’s chaste kisses were sensual around the rim, his fingernails digging deep into Kook’s flesh whilst he steadied himself on his knees.

A drawn out moan passed through Jungkook's parted lips, pressing his head back against the bed. His hands withdrew from his thighs to allow the elder to take over the grip of his legs, his own hands vulnerably laying above his head. His hips jerked lightly at the sensation, his tight entrance twitching from the welcoming warmth teasing around it. "Mmh, yeah.. Feels good.." Koo announced his pleasure in small, breathy whines, indulging in the way his husband is taking care of him, worshiping his body like it was his last meal in this life. Jungkook glanced down at Taehyung, and the sight had his cock throbbing. The elders dark fringe dangled over his eyes, strong arms holding Kook's legs up, the lower part of his face hiding to please and tease with one of Jungkook's most sensitive parts. "Fuck, you're so hot.." Koo was already losing any sense of embarrassment, all he could feel was the overwhelming lust drowning him-- tunnel visioned on his husband, and his husband only.

“Fuck, I know,” Tae outwardly agreed like the cocky bastard he was, allowing his mouth to linger close to the milky skin of Jungkook’s thighs, ghosting over the smooth flesh with his plush lips. “Gonna finger you first, I know how much you love that.” The elder’s tongue slightly peeked out of the corner of his lips, switching his utmost attention to Koo’s hole; and as if an indescribable pull had taken over his senses, Taehyung’s middle finger sank in without a warning. The man was still leaning down, too focused on the way Jungkook swallowed his slender digit to look away. Soon enough, Tae added in another finger.. and another; and like a small child in a candy store, he was amazed by how much his husband could endure. His eyes were shining with anticipation, mouth watering from the simple sight.. The scissoring motions inside of Kook came to a halt, and as soon as he pulled out his dripping digits, Taehyung’s lean tongue snuck its way past the gaping opening. It was a new feeling.. he’d eaten out plenty of girls before in his High School days, but having his tongue deep inside of Koo felt new— not necessarily a bad kind of new. Shit, he was so warm and.. pleasant. Taehyung’s eyes were fluttered shut, relishing in the way he flicked his tongue in the compact space, scolding himself for not doing this sooner.

"Yeah, yea- oh god..." Jungkook's moans from the familiar fingers broke into a gasp at the new sensation of Taehyung's warm, wet, firm tongue smoothing his insides, his thighs trembling in Tae's hands. "Holy shit..." Koo almost chuckles in disbelief at the fact they hadn't done this the other way sooner, placing his hand over his face to wipe his clammy skin, cheeks flushed red. "I see why you like this so much now, wow..." Jungkook ran his fingers through his hair, slightly dry from the residue of the product, taking deep breaths as he closed his eyes, allowing himself to truly focus on the wet muscle exploring his most intimate parts. "Feels so good.."

The constant shower of praise and moans of approval amped up Taehyung’s slowly diminishing confidence. He didn’t know if he was doing any good— until Koo decided to open his mouth. He gripped tighter onto his husband’s inner thighs, knuckles turning white from his secure handle. The elder’s skilled tongue lapped at every reachable inch of Jungkook’s insides, humming in pure delight at the new taste he’s grown fond of. It didn’t take long, once and Taehyung was hooked.. “Oh wow, you taste so fucking good,” Tae murmured under his heavy breath once he’d pulled away for a quick second, gathering extra spit in his mouth before aiming at Kook’s swollen hole. He placed kitten licks on the entrance, lips slightly puckered as he roughly fucked his tongue in and out of Jungkook, one hand sneaking up to toy with the younger’s warm balls.

Jungkook's hands instinctively reached for Taehyung, combing his fingers through his dark curls as his moans had gradually grown breathier and louder. "Uh huh-- shit, you're so good at that.." Jungkook mindlessly spits his verbal reassurance of the pleasure he's put through, his words coming out as high pitched whines. Kooks hips squirm for more, greedy and needy in every sense of the word. He was an absolute puddle for his husband, always have been, always will be. "I love you, I fucking love you... please, need your cock so bad, noooow..."

The elder withdrew his mouth from Jungkook’s ass, warm spit glistening around his blood-fueled lips and the tip of his nose, making Taehyung look all the more fucked as he gazed down at Kook; making a show out of the way he slipped his tongue back in his mouth, moaning deeply whilst he savored the rest of his husband. Didn’t taste overly sweet, and that Taehyung liked.. “Wanna eat you out everyday now..” Koo’s pink entrance was slick from Tae’s previous work, the rim spread wide enough for him to poke the head of his cock through— “Shit..” Taehyung’s tip was immersed in between Jungkook’s flesh, and soon enough was the rest of his long, thick length. The younger always takes him in so well.. The first time 18-year-old Tae slipped inside of Kook might’ve been a lot to take in, but they’ve both gotten used to each other’s bodies throughout the years they’ve been together.

“Fuck, you good?” Taehyung’s veiny hand guided his dick to a more comfortable position, his long fringe falling down to his eyes. “I love you so fucking much, Koo, fuck.” The elder threw his husband’s legs over his broad shoulders, resting his muscular arms beside Jungkook’s head before beginning to grind into his man, starting at a slow pace. It was their honeymoon.. it had to be somewhat romantic. “I can’t believe you’re my husband— hngh..” Tae grunted out loud, “I-I can’t wait to have a family with you, yeah.. fuck, wanna grow old with you ‘n do everything t-together— so tight..”

"Mhm, yes." Jungkook nodded, his calloused fingers grasping around Taehyung's lower arms tightly, blunt nails digging into the skin for his own sake, he needed to claw at something to release the overwhelming warmth that spread throughout his body. "So good, I love you-- shit, I love being your husband." Koo's eyebrows were tightly knit together as he stared up at Tae with his doe eyes, his blurry vision glazed over with every single emotion he could possess at a moment like this.

Lust, love, relief.

He was just as whipped for the man on top of him as he'd always been, for years already-- and he had no doubt that this was his forever after.

Jungkook bit back a raspy moan when Tae's cock finally started to tease at his prostate, eyes fluttering in bliss, struggling to keep his gaze focused any longer, simply drowning in how amazing it felt to feel his husband's hips grind into him with the utmost affection. It was fantastic, but knowing the younger man-- slow only pleased him for so long... "A-ah, your cock is so big... I love it, fuck, more... Please, Mr. Jeon.." He purred, deliberately clenching his warm flesh around the elder's turgid length, the hint of mischief sparkling in the younger's eyes.

Tae burrowed his face in the crook of Jungkook’s neck, their bodies’ shine mingling with one another whilst Taehyung sweetly kissed the pale skin, tasting the slight saltiness of his husband’s sweat on his lips. He licked over them, allowing them to hang open as grunts and groans made themselves known in the room. The elder wasn’t shy when it came to the noises he made in the bedroom; he wanted to let Koo know just how good he was making him feel.. His husband held a tight grip on his cock, causing it to twitch in anticipation as Tae gradually thrusted deeper into him. “Love it when you call me that— hmph..!” His balls smacked harder against the younger’s ass, squelching sounds taking over the invisible bubble they’ve made for themselves. “Fuck..” It came out as a hoarse whisper, and one of Taehyung’s hands snuck between their bodies to grasp onto Jungkook’s cock, giving the stiff skin a few delicious strokes. “So good..”

"Aa-aah*..!" Jungkook snapped his head from one side to the other, pressing his flushed cheek against the bed. His body trembled like a leaf at the added sensation, a drawn out moan in relief, finally touched where it ached the most. He felt like he'd been a really good boy then and there to finally earn this as a reward. "I f-feel good? fuck--" His voice was strained and wobbly, every thrust choking his words. "Tell me, tell me please... How good I make you feel."

Koo knew already, the sounds his husband was making gave him no doubt about the pleasure his body brought upon the elder. But Jungkook loved to verbally hear it. Almost like back when Taehyung had gone overseas, and all they had were FaceTime. Even though they could easily look at each other through their screens-- the verbal aspect of it was Kook's favorite. And it stuck with him since, hearing that deep voice his husband possessed tell him the most filthy of things, and the highest of praise; it turned Jungkook on.

Taehyung’s head tilted upwards, the fringe no longer as smooth. Instead the dark hairs stuck together by a thin layer of sweat on his creased forehead, giving him little access to truly look into Jungkook’s doe eyes whilst he grumbled out his next words; “Your insides are always so fucking tight, no matter how many times I push my cock in you— hngh.. it never fails to drive me crazy..” The elder snapped faster into Koo, having yet to withdraw his hand from Jungkook’s dick whilst he thrusted into him at an animalistic pace, feeling the head of his cock prod at his husband’s abused prostate. “You’re so warm, too.. the warmest I’ve felt in a really long fuckin’ time. Fuck.. so soft. You make me feel so good.” Still jerking Koo off, Tae’s mouth wrapped around one of the boy’s nipples, swirling his wet tongue around the bud before lightly nibbling on it. He quickly flicked the awakened nip with his tongue, humming into the skin.

"Fuck yes, oh my good, Taehyung..." Jungkook's whiny moans turned into sobs, his abs flexing as they tightened in rapture, the pool of heat quickly ramping up in his lower abdomen. The continous prodding of his sensitive prostate drove him mad. "I'm gonna c-cum, I'm clo-ose, ahhn..." His eyes were filled with desperation, sparkling with the layer of tears and admiration swirling within them. He was completely transfixed on his husband, absolutely whipped for the attention his body is given in so many various ways at the moment. Taehyung's cock, his mouth, his hand. It was overwhelming as hell. Jungkook could easily feel his own cock drool with precum, his thick length swelling to full hardness as if it was about to explode at any moment. All he needed was just-- one. small. push.

Taehyung’s release was also knocking at his door, begging to be spread across Jungkook’s fleshy insides as every thrust of his cock dragged Tae’s energy down bit by bit. “G-gonna cum inside, so close..” Eager to make Koo break down along with him, Taehyung’s grip on his husband’s dick tightened, feeling the stickiness of the younger’s precum cover his fidgeting fingers; easing the slide of his sore hand. “I love you, I love you— a-ahh.. fuuck I-I’m cumming so much.” Spurts of warm white shot into Jungkook, dribbling out of the latter’s entrance as it was too much to hold in despite his cock staying still in its place.

“Wow.. so, does this officially make us husbands now?” The elder’s voice was raspy as he teased, breath hitching once he pulled out of Jungkook to lay on his back, chest heaving whilst he blankly stared at the ceiling. It felt different, yet not different at all.

Jungkook's clammy chest heaved up and down and placed one hand on top of his skin, mindlessly rubbing at his peck as he chuckled. The aftermath of his own orgasm still pulsated in his softening length, the pool of his release warm on his lower stomach. "Yeah, it does." Kook's voice was just as hoarse. He turned his face towards his husband with a small, toothy grin on his face. They were both exhausted, definitely sobered up, and.. sticky, to say the least. But, content nonetheless. Jungkook couldn't have imagined a better way to spend their first wedding night together.

"Hey." His voice lowered, eyes heavy on the elder as he scuffed closer, pressing a soft kiss on Tae's arm.

"I love you. Can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Mr. Jeon."

#fic: wedding night #taekook smut #vkook smut #taehyung x jungkook #boymeetsmxm #bangtanarmynet #bts smut #bts mxm #taehyung smut #jungkook smut #dom taehyung #sub jungkook #sombreboy

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couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name · 6 years ago

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Any thoughts on Annabeth and Percy as parents? Poseidon just changing his cap from Neptune's lucky cap to world's saltiest grandpa sjsjsns

World’s Saltiest Grandpa is the FUNNIEST fucking thing I’ve ever heard in my life and it’s definitely happening jskddlsjfdkls

anyway I feel like the first one would definitely be a. uh. happy surprise™

like, they haven’t been married for a full year and are still settling into their new lives and one day Grover comes over to hang with Annabeth and he senses™ something and is like ‘hey….sweetie….why don’t we go to the drugstore’ and she starts flipping out lmao

anyway once she gets 3 positive tests she starts going into Planning mode, she’s got Grover there and she’s acting all rational and she’s talking about it to Piper and Hazel in their gc and she seems very calm and happy, and they’re coming up with cute ways to tell Percy right

like they started planning out a whole sweet little reveal thing

but then Percy gets home from work and this poor fucker isn’t even all the way in the door when she just screeches from across the room “I’M PREGNANT” and he’s like “W H A T”

so they’re screaming in excitement for most of the night after that lmao

if you think this isn’ t the biggest fucking gossip on Olympus then you’ve got another thing coming

Aphrodite has swooned 12 different times since the news drooped. Hera is screaming. Hestia is about to fucking set up camp in the Jackson’s backyard. Poseidon won’t shut the fuck up about how excited he is. Zeus is quaking. Apollo is weeping and has written multiple dramatic poems about this event. Athena is torn between fuming and excitement. Artemis has shown up to every single fucking doctor’s appointment disguised as a nurse. We’re talking 24/7 coverage on Hephaestus TV, baby

Annabeth is one of those bitches that lowkey thrives being pregnant. constantly glowing. everyone in her birthing classes hates her lmao

Percy 100% gets sympathy cravings and you KNOW it

Sally broke the world record for ‘worlds longest scream’ when she found out she’s SO excited

Piper literally will not stop buying baby stuff like every single week they get more packages of toys and clothes from her

Meanwhile Hazel and Frank won’t stop knitting baby blankets and hats and Leo built a fucking magical crib that would turn into a fucking indestructible barrier if a monster ever attacked AND includes a built in holographic light that will make the room look like it’s underwater

Percy and Annabeth are constantly just talking to the bump and not even in the cutesy way like she’ll fucking be at work and be giving out instructions and then go ‘that sounds good, doesn’t it _(baby name)_?’ or ‘Linda, ____ thinks that’s a terrible idea’ while looking down at her stomach and her coworkers think it’s hilarious

or they’ll be arguing about something and Percy’ll be like ‘Yeah, well, at least ____ agrees with me!’ lmao

She wakes up one day to find Percy put headphones on her stomach and is blasting Adele on them and she’s like ‘it’s classical music to make them smarter, Percy’ and he’s like ‘yeah but SOMEONE in this house needs to not be emotionally stunted so I’m giving them a chance’ jfsksdf

100% Nico has received a desperate phone call in the middle of the night because Annabeth’s craving shit that they can’t get anywhere near them at 3 am so he had to go on a shadow travel run to get it for her lmao

Her mood swings get so insane but like remember on Parks and Rec when Ann was pissed at Chris for just being. TOO supportive? 100% percabeth antics

Annabeth is So Determined to work through her pregnancy and not go on leave and it’s driving Percy absolutely insane

Every single morning he’s just like babe please….be a sane human… lmao

when she went into labor it was. hectic

they had been trying to plan a trip to either CHB or CJ so she could deliver with like Actual Healers who won’t get freaked out if people zapped into the room and also they’d be near family right

and then the kid was like what if,,,,,,,,I came more than a month early. wouldn’t that be fun

lmao so cut to a scene of Percy speeding down the streets of their little town, both of them screaming their heads of, a fucking flock of owls tailing after their car,

there’s a heavy thunderstorm happening and Percy’s screaming ‘hey ZEUS! NOT THE FUCKING TIME ASSHOLE!!!!’ lmao

so they get to the hospital right. Poseidon and Athena beat them there and brought their mortal families with them lmao

Everyone’s a mess. Fredrick is about to faint and Helen and Paul are trying to get him to pull it together. Estelle is terrorizing Bobby and Matthew so those three are barely paying attention to the baby situation. Sally and Athena have already threatened five different medical professionals to get Annabeth some drugs. Poseidon is practically fucking vibrating

While Annabeth is getting all settled in Percy starts calling all their friends to tell them and they are SO OFFENDED that they DARE to be in another state whilst Annabeth is delivering so everyone starts fucking scrambling to get there

Nico and Hazel shadow travel themselves, Frank, Reyna and Piper over. Leo, Calypso, Grover, Chiron, Rachel and Thalia physically wrangle Apollo into driving them there in his chariot. Magnus and Alex had to blackmail Sam to fucking fly them there. everyone else had to fend for themselves. everyone is screaming

just….imagine that fucking waiting room

Artemis did in fact disguise her way onto the delivery team and Percy’s just like….please don’t shoot my wife with an arrow. it’d be awesome if you refrained from doing that,

a nurse tried to tell Thalia that the delivery room was family only and she screamed and knocked her out before running into the room lmao

Grover’s hyperventilating practically the entire time and because of the empathy link Percy’s like dude YOU are freaking ME out so that’s a whole situation

between all the chaos in the waiting room and all the yelling in the delivery room this maternity wing has literally never been so stressed out before lmao

Annabeth looses all concept of cool and is yelling at the doctor even as she’s pushing

Percy’s hand ends up fractured

Fredrick is streaming all this on his facebook live and Annabeth is cursing him out whenever the contractions pass

but overall it was a good, safe delivery! no arrows through the chest!

Poseidon, storming into the waiting room, screaming at the top of his godly lungs: IT’S A BOY

everyone in the waiting room:

I don’t feel like coming up with names right now but the middle name IS Charles and NO I am not accepting any dissenting opinions on that

everyone’s crying while they rotate in and out to see them lol

Apollo’s trying to prophecy about how Amazing the kid will be and Percy’s got riptide out and is like ‘he is LITERALLY 3 hours old’

Pry This Baby Out Of Sally Jackson’s Arms, I Dare You

after a while the people that had to get there themselves start appearing and making even more of a scene. Like Clarrise just bursts through the doors holding the biggest teddy bear she could find and says absolutely nothing but scowls at everyone who looks at her while she’s holding the baby. the Stolls are fucking climbing in through the window holding a bunch of a balloons. Hedge is making mildly obnoxious jokes. all that

but anyway once they get settled back home and everything. they are the MOST paranoid first time parents lmao

every single little noise this child makes has them on edge. they tiptoe constantly. whom needs sleep

baby doctor on speed dial. “why’d he stop eating???!!?” “…maybe he’s…full?” “…oh.”

but when they’re not busying worrying they have the Cutest Fucking Baby In The World, good for them

Annabeth suddenly realizes taking leave makes sense. her and Percy are like glued to this kid. so many pictures. so many videos.

once he gets a little older and they have to, like, have Lives again, Percy constantly brings him to the aquarium with him and it’s. CUTE.

the baby LOVES looking at all the fish and petting dolphins omg

okay I’m tired so this is getting away from me but overall I’d see them having like maybe 3 or 4 kids.

all super cute. all smart. all get up to whacky antics.

add onto this if anyone wants to lol but….iconicly cute parents percy and annabeth thank you goodnight

#percabeth #percy jackson #Annabeth chase #pjo #hoo #asks #molly mumbles

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evalinkatrineberg · 4 years ago

Text

C5 - The Ball

A/N: Just shy of 19k words of Evalin being Evalin. Includes RPs with @ladyreggiewright @arin-schreave @hugo-stanton @clemencewestley and @idaliamoretti . Potential TW for the last italicized section at the end, for non-consensual kissing. ALSO I wrote one of Evalin’s thoughts before the official Theo reveal, and decided to keep it in for shits and giggles lmao

My parents picked up the FaceTime call on the first ring, their heads smushed together as they bickered over where the best spot to place their phone was, in order for me to see everyone that was there. It had been a family tradition for as long as I could remember to have a backyard barbecue on Illéan Independence Day. Normally, it was a pretty large gathering, including our family, some of the neighbors, some of my parents’ coworkers, and their families, leaving little space to walk or even sit in our average sized backyard.

From what I could see as my parents backed away from the phone, however, the event was a lot smaller this year - just my family, and June’s. Not that it seemed like anyone was complaining about that, but it did raise some questions in my own mind, especially when I considered the phone call my father had made to me at two in the morning a few weeks ago. Even Lukas had said that things were getting bad there.

I could see what he meant. It was as if none of my father’s coworkers were speaking to him anymore.

Nonetheless, I forced a smile on to my face, holding the flute of champagne Grace had had delivered to my room in the air, so that everyone gathered in my backyard in Carolina could see it. “I’m afraid I don’t have much time,” I admitted, feeling Julia tug at my hair with a towel, finishing up drying my curls before beginning to style them, “but I absolutely refused to miss the annual toast.”

“Of course,” Gabriel stated, holding the beer in his hand aloft from the Adirondack chair in which he sat. “Cheers, Ev.”

“Cheers,” I echoed alongside the rest of my family, taking about three sips of champagne before setting the flute back down on my desk. I had practically had to beg Grace to bring it up for me, spending all of forty-five minutes explaining and emphasizing just how important this family tradition was to not only me, but to my parents and siblings as well. In the end, she had relented, though Julia had grumbled about it until the bitter end.

“I wish I was there, with you,” June called through the screen, shaking her head, her dark curls bouncing against her cheeks. “Do me a favor, and find a cute man tonight, and send him my way. The guys around here just aren’t cutting it anymore.”

I laughed, assuring her, “I’ll do my best,” though I wasn’t entirely sure how many people were going to be in attendance at the ball tonight. There were the German royals, the Italian royals, and the Illean royals, of course, along with the Grahams and Wylan Caldwell, but beyond that, all I had been told was vague terms like, “palace staff,” and, “notable individuals,” which meant next to nothing to me. Maybe more specifics had been given, but I had been too focused on online classes, which had also started up this week, to pay close attention to them.

“Speaking of men,” Lydia began, setting her beer down on the brick patio beneath her chair, “has His Royal Asshole been on better behavior since we last spoke about him?”

Behind me, Julia made a noise that sounded like she was screaming with her mouth closed as she parted my hair with a fine toothed comb. I laughed, partially at the sound that Julia had made, but also at my sister’s nickname for Arin, which didn’t appear to be going out of use anytime soon.

“He’s been a good deal better, actually,” I replied, taking a few more sips of champagne. “He took me to the ballet a couple of weeks ago, and -” And we cozied up on the floor together. And we actually talked without arguing. And he called me stunning and adorable. I shook my head, feeling the color rising to my cheeks already. “It was good.”

“Just good?” Lydia raised her eyebrows, picking her beer back up and taking a long drink, glaring at the phone she was looking at me through.

It had been more than good, but I didn’t want to divulge the details of the date in front of my parents. My mother might have a fit if she found out that I had sat on the floor, even if it was within the walls of a private box. “I’ll tell you more another time,” I assured her, “but if I don’t hurry, I am going to be late.”

After a few quick goodbyes, I closed my laptop, allowing Julia to finish up on my hair, and Christina to finish up on my makeup. The dress they had had made for tonight was black, and fit me like a glove, ending with a little slit in the side down by my mid-calf. It came complete with a cape of gossamer silk, little strands of silver woven in, almost like the seamstress that had made this dress had plucked the stars from the sky to do so. I had been a little apprehensive about the cape at first, insistent that in combination with the high heeled shoes I would have to wear, it would almost certainly lead to me tripping and falling at some point, or possibly even rip the cape. However, Julia had reassured me that it would be fine, and I was in no shape to argue with her about it.

The start of the online semester had somehow made my sleep schedule even worse. At this point, I was surviving almost solely off of caffeine and sheer willpower. At the very least, the work kept me distracted, which meant I had less time to overthink that I was doing here. However, the increased workload had prevented me from seeing Arin since the ballet. Even at Wylan’s party, I had only been able to pop in for all of a few minutes, which I had spent chatting with Itzel. That had only been the week that the pre-semester work had been due. Now, with the real semester in full swing, in combination with our lessons here, and the recent slough of visiting foreign dignitaries, I was swamped. I’d actually fallen asleep in the library more than once, much to my own embarrassment. Luckily, I didn’t think anybody had noticed it, yet.

Tonight’s ball was a welcome reprieve from the work, though. I finished the last of the champagne, checking my reflection in the mirror one last time before turning towards the door, satisfied with what I had seen. Some days, I almost didn’t recognize the person I saw in the mirror. She stood with a straighter back, and a head held higher than the Evalin I had used to see in the mirror. My reflection even moved with a level of grace that I had not previously thought I’d possessed. The lessons we were getting here were really paying off, both inside and outside of the classroom.

I kept to myself as I walked down the hallway, speaking almost exclusively to the personal guard that had been assigned to escort me into the large hall where dinner was to be taking place. The meal itself flew by quickly, beginning with the presentation of the foreign royals, and then the Illean royals, and ending with everyone being ushered into the Grand Hall, which was decked out in gauzy strips of fabric and light colors, dousing the room in every color under the sun. I stared at it, wide eyed as I walked in spinning in a small circle to make sure I didn’t miss a single detail. Whoever had put this together must have spent hours planning and decorating. I wished there was some way I could pass my compliments on to them, because they deserved it.

With that, the dancing begun, a full orchestra playing a mix of fast songs, waltzes, and instrumental versions of more modern songs. I allowed myself to be swept up in it all, dancing with whoever was closest to me at the moment. After a lifetime of keeping myself so put together, so set in my rigid routine, it felt nice to just be able to let go of all that for a few hours, my only concern whether or not I could prevent myself from stepping on the feet of whoever was spinning me in circles at the moment.

After a handful of numbers, I made my way back to the edge of the crowd, needing a few seconds, at the very least, just to catch my breath, and get my bearings. Everyone here was dressed to the nines, having gone just as all out as I had. Though, I hadn’t seen anybody else with a cape, yet. Julia had proven herself to be right once again - the risk of falling had been worth the reward of standing out.

I stopped by one of the tables, grabbing another glass of champagne. There were other drinks laid out, their colors varying from vibrant shades of pink to pale hues of teal, but in this instance, I decided it was best to stick to what I knew and recognized. It had been a while since I had drank in a party environment, and I wasn’t about to go wild in front of a bunch of, “notable individuals.” That Evalin had to stay back in Knoxville for now, at least, maybe even permanently, depending on how the remainder of the Selection went.

Being so close to the Elite had me a bit nervous. I had come so far; it would almost hurt to be sent home now. My relationship with Arin was solid - I was confident in that, at least - but that wasn’t to say that other girls had had similar experiences to mine with him. From the rumors Christina attempted to feed me while I was studying, he had grown close with both Jen and Clemence around the same time he and I had begun to grown close. Leana’s name was thrown around quite a bit as well. Still, together, we only made up four of the twelve remaining girls. There were eight others that he could have been more secretive in seeing.

It had been three weeks since Alaina and Saxon had been sent home. We were due for another elimination, soon.

It was then that I laid eyes on Reggie, watching the dancers in the center of the room from where she stood by one of the tables, sipping on a glass of champagne. It had been months since I’d last been able to have a solid conversation with her, when I had leant her my ecology book. We’d seen each other in passing, but these days, all of us were so wrapped up in other exploits that it was rare to be able to get in more than a few words to each other.

Tonight, though, we had nothing but time. “Hello, Reggie!” I called out as I walked up to her. “How are you?”

Blinking a couple of times, as if I had just woken her from a stupor, she shifted her weight from one leg to the other and rolled her shoulders back. She smiled as she looked over at me, one corner of her mouth slightly higher than the other, giving me a short nod by way of greeting. “Evalin. Ça va?” Evalin. How are you.

“Ça va bien,” I answered, blinking a few times as I wracked my brain to remember the French I had continued studying on the side. I am well. It had definitely taken a backseat these past few weeks, though. Coming to a stop besides Reggie, I gestured out towards the party, fighting to find the right words through the mild haze of alcohol beginning to take a hold on me. “Um, aimez-vous cela?” Are you enjoying this? At least, that was what I hoped I had asked her.

Reggie opened her mouth, and I braced myself to receive corrections on my grammar or pronunciation. I deserved it, honestly, for not giving the language the attention it deserved, but Reggie stopped herself, smiling and shaking her head before taking another sip of champagne. “I’m enjoying myself, thank you. So are you, it seems,” she finished, raising an eyebrow at me.

“A bit,” I laughed, still a little breathless and flushed from dancing. “You look amazing, by the way! I love your dress!”

“Can’t take the credit for it.” She looked down at her dress briefly before meeting my gaze again, offering me a close lipped smile. Her face lit up every time she smiled, though I wasn’t sure she realized it. It was a good look on her.

She frowned as she took in my own ensemble, though. “There’s a cape.”

“I know!” I giggled a bit, grinning from ear to ear. “I thought the cape would be a recipe for disaster at first, but it’s been fine so far.” I hadn’t tripped over it yet, and nobody had stepped on it while we were dancing, either. It was nothing short of a miracle, though in this room, right now, it truly felt like anything could happen. I’d never felt such a sense of magic in the air, even in those happy moments with Arin on the floor of the theater. That had been magical, but in a different sense of the word.

I hoped we’d be able to recreate some of that magic again tonight. It had been so long since I’d last seen him, since he’d complimented me, and shown me that he did care about me, even if it wasn’t love yet. It was something, as he would say, and I was willing to take it from there.

I took another sip of champagne. “So, have you left the side of the room at all yet?”

“I have,” she answered with a solemn nod. “I went to the bathroom.”

I was really glad I had swallowed my champagne before she had answered. The laughter now emitting from my body had already nearly caused me to double over, and might have caused the champagne to come out of my nose. I couldn’t decide whether or not that’d be worse than getting another nosebleed.

When I straightened back up, Reggie was looking at me, her eyes almost imperceptibly wider than usual. “Oh, I haven’t danced yet, if that’s what you meant.”

I turned my head towards her, offering her a smile. “Why not?” She was an absolutely gorgeous girl, and there were plenty of eligible men here looking for a dance partner. She’d have no trouble getting someone to dance with her, if she tried.

“I don’t think I’d make a good impression if I’d attempt it,” she admitted, taking another sip of champagne as she inclined her head towards some officials, and the visiting royalty from Germany and Italy.

“You can’t be as bad as me.” I’d always had two left feet. I still sort of did, though the lessons here had definitely helped a bit, as I’d noticed earlier. I shook my head a little, still smiling as I continued, “Besides, I think everyone is too caught up in their own dancing and chatting to notice one or two uncoordinated people.” At least, I sure hoped so. That was one of the mantras I kept repeating in my head as I danced. That, and that the earlier dances were a warmup, so I wouldn’t step on the feet of the people who mattered later. I wasn’t entirely sure that the theory behind the latter statement would hold up, but it was a nice thought, at least.

Reggie bit her lip. “I’ll take it into consideration.” Then, pursing her lips, she glanced at me out of the corner of her eyes. “Any hopes for a dance partner for the evening?”

I felt my face grow ever redder, and averted my gaze to the floor, hoping Reggie wouldn’t notice. “I was planning on asking Arin, later, maybe, but I’m not sure. I might make too much of a fool of myself, in that scenario.” The last part was more or less a mumble let out under my breath. Arin was one of the only people here I actually wanted to dance with, if I was being completely honest. I had missed talking to him these past few weeks - even bickering with him. I might be eternally confused by the way he made me feel, but there was no denying that it was nice to have his attention every once and awhile, and it had definitely been a while.

I looked up at Reggie again, realizing that her name hadn’t come up often in Christina’s gossip. That was odd, considering that if any of the girls here were ready to run a country, and do it well, it would be Reggie. There was no question in my mind. So, why was Arin avoiding her, then? Or, was she avoiding him?

“What about you?” I asked, hoping her answer might reveal something.

I could’ve sworn I saw her cheeks turn pink as the question left my mouth, but I supposed I must’ve been mistaken, because she simply inclined her head towards me and asked, “You’re not sure?”

My blush deepened, if that was even possible at this point. I was likely redder than a tomato. “I would probably accidentally step on his feet,” I mumbled.

“Yes,” she replied, an amused smile flickering across her face. “that would be quite unfortunate.”

Indeed. Thanks for the reassurance, Reggie!

When I looked over at her again, she was frowning. “Are you alright?”

I furrowed my brows. “Yeah, why?” Had I voiced my thoughts aloud? I hoped not. They hadn’t exactly been the nicest words to ever have crossed through my mind. It wasn’t Reggie’s fault that I couldn’t dance, though, and I shouldn’t take my own frustrations out on her. She had done nothing to deserve that.

“Never mind.” She shook her head, turning her attention back to the people dancing in the center of the room. They spun around each other, a mass of couples smiling and laughing, just enjoying the night. That could be you and Arin, if you just sucked up your pride and asked him. I wasn’t nervous that he’d say no, but rather that he’d say yes, and then be miserable the entire time. Neither the guests, nor the cameras lining the wall, needed to bear witness to that.

“With formal dancing, you can follow Arin’s lead, I’m sure,” Reggie instructed, glancing over at me briefly with a smile on her face. “It’s usually best not to look at your feet, however, even if it’s tempting.”

“Right.” Maybe that was what I had been doing wrong. Looking at my feet had seemed like the easiest way to prevent myself from stepping on my partners feet. I flashed Reggie a small, close lipped smile, before turning back to the crowd before us. “I’ve truly never seen anything like this. It’s incredible.”

“Very,” she replied, nodding and smiling as she continued to watch the sea of people in the center of the room. The crowd seemed to be growing larger with each passing second, more couples leaving their tables and refreshments to join the fray. “I admit I haven't celebrated Illéan Independence Day in any way close to this either.”

I laughed, shaking my head. That was quite the understatement. “Me neither. We’d normally just have a barbecue, and maybe invite the neighbors and some friends over.” I turned my head to the side, looking at Reggie again. For someone who didn’t want to dance, she was utterly entranced by the people who were dancing. “Other than this -” I gestured towards the mob of people on the floor “- how have things been? I really haven’t had the chance to talk to you since we met in the library!”

“We haven't.” It seemed like she had just come to the realization herself, judging by her frown, and the shake of her head. “I suppose things have been -” she smiled again, gesturing towards me “- busy, for both of us then. I'm sorry I still haven't returned your book. I almost finished it though.”

“Oh, no worries! I’m in no rush to get it back!” I assured her, smiling as I turned back to the crowd. The idea of a book club that had first popped into my head when I had met her came back again, except this time it included not only me and Reggie, but also Arin. Maybe Jen, too, since it would make sense that she liked to read, given the amount of reading she’d have to do for law school. I liked the image of the four of us, cozied up around a table, books in hand, just reading, completely at peace.

If only we had the time.

“There’s been so much going on recently, I’d honestly forgotten about it,” I mused.

She dragged her attention away from the dancers, raising an eyebrow at me. “I presume it wasn't just the French keeping you busy?”

I had to laugh. “Clearly not, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.” Then, with a shake of my head, I continued, “No, I’ve been doing other work in preparation for online classes, and then we had the proposal, and of course meeting and talking to people.” It had been a crazy couple of months, a whirlwind of activity sprinkled with flakes of fun.

With a nod, Reggie replied, “Online classes are definitely time consuming. Were you happy with how your project worked out?”

“For the most part, yes. What about you?” The truth of the matter was that I was pleased with my proposal, but I wished I had had more information for the logistics of how it might be implemented. I hoped that even if I didn’t end up being involved in politics when this was all said and done, somebody would still at least consider putting my proposal to use. There were so many brilliant people in lower castes, that deserved a shot at a career they’d excel in.

“I am, actually,” Reggie answered with an absent minded smile. “Hopefully they'll assign us another one -” she paused to take another sip of champagne, raising her shoulder slightly “-while I'm still here, of course.”

While she was still here? It almost sounded like she expected to be sent home soon. I couldn’t imagine being in the palace without Reggie. Even though we didn’t talk frequently, it was always nice to see her around, and she was such a constant presence at meals, and in lessons. Who else was going to ridicule me for missing breakfast to run, or using too many exclamation points while texting? There’d be a hole if she was gone, that I was sure I wouldn’t be the only one to feel.

We’d all grown kind of close lately. There were very few girls left that I hadn’t spoken with privately - just Nemesis, Brooke, and Tavi. I felt rather attached to all of them. If only there was some way that we could all stay here, even though only one of us could win Arin’s heart.

I hoped with every fiber of my being that I’d be the one to do just that. I got happy just thinking about talking to him. It was completely irrational and illogical, and went against all reason, but I couldn’t control the way that I felt. Yes, Arin was frustrating, confusing, a tad prickly, and easily upset. He had his flaws - we all did - but he was also caring, willing to listen, and, quite simply, kind. He didn’t push others to do what was too uncomfortable for them to bear, but was willing to help them if they wanted to push themselves out of their usual comfort zones. It was difficult not to want to love a man like that.

I hoped he knew I thought that of him.

I took another sip of champagne at the thought of anybody being sent home soon. “That’d be lovely. There’s so much more I’d like to do, and yet I get the sense that my days here are numbered.” I sighed, looking over the crowd. Much like Reggie, I had considered my own fragile position in this competition. While I felt like there was definitely something between Arin and I, I couldn’t deny that his advisors would probably push some of the other girls over me. What did I really have to bring to the table, after all, besides the ability to speak Swendish, and some killer organizational skills? I may have strong feelings for Arin, but that didn’t necessarily make me worthy of being the queen of a nation. That would take a different kind of person; one with more confidence, poise, and political savvy than I possessed.

So I had begun coming up with background plans. I was a biologist. It was near impossible to imagine my life outside of the Selection without the subject I had been passionate about for nearly all of my almost twenty-one years at this point. If Proctor was going to prevent me from working in labs or research centers in Illéa, then I’d set my sights across the ocean, in the country of my grandparents. Swendway. I’d submitted three transfer applications for the Spring of 2091 - one to the University of Stockholm, one to the University of Oslo, and one final one to the Arctic University of Tromsø. Nothing was set in stone. I likely wouldn’t even hear back from the universities until October or November, but it was still comforting to have a backup plan that wasn’t writing terrible travel brochures, just in case.

I hoped with all my heart that it wouldn’t come to that.

Reggie tilted her head to the side, frowning. “Care to elaborate?”

“It’s just with the recent eliminations, getting so close to the final ten,” I began, turning my head to look at Reggie again, “it’s starting to feel so much more real, you know? We’re not just flying under the radar, sliding through, anymore. We’ve got to be here still for a reason.”

“I'm aware, yes,” she responded, looking as if she was holding in a sigh, “though, I was under the impression you are still here for a reason.”

“Yes,” I began, nodding, “arguably the same reason we’re all here - to win. I just hadn’t expected to get this close. I’ve…” I trailed off, looking at her, trying to determine if she was annoyed by my carrying on. She simply maintained her same curious expression, however. “I’ve definitely learned a lot, just from being here, which I’m beyond grateful to have had the opportunity to do, but I’m not sure I’d be able to apply what I’ve learned to my old life, if I’m to go back to it.”

I wasn’t going back to Knoxville, to Proctor, to Lukas. I refused.

Pressing her lips together, she nodded, looking out over the crowd once more. “I think you will, if that's the case. Perhaps not directly in your lab work, yet these months hold experiences that go even further than work alone.” After a moment’s pause, she furrowed her brows, as if she was confused by her own words. Knowing that Reggie was just as much of a workaholic as I was, I couldn’t blame her. We were both the type to let out work and passions eat away at us until they consumed us whole, controlling out every waking thought and second of time. That wasn’t usually seen as a good thing, but a queen would need a strong work ethic, so I didn’t think it was an entirely terrible trait.

“Indeed. Do you ever think about it - what’s going to happen in the next few months?” I nodded as I took another sip of champagne. This was my third glass, counting the one I had toasted with my parents, and the one I had had at dinner. Maybe I needed to slow my roll. I was beginning to feel more pensive than usual, which was typical of me when I drank wine or champagne.

“I try, since I prefer to plan ahead. However all the things I had planned a couple months ago didn't go as expected either, so perhaps I shouldn't even attempt it.”

I nodded, understanding where she was coming from completely. “I feel the same way. There’s so many different paths this all could take, and there’s only so many occurrences I can plan for,” I finished with a nervous chuckle. Up until a few months ago, I had had my whole life planned out, at least in a vague manner. I was going to graduate college, get a job in a lab, researching potential cures for cancer, buy my own apartment, share said apartment with a dog and some small plants, meet the man of my dreams somewhere along the way, and start a family with him. Our children would watch the two of us grow old, seeing how much we loved each other, and knowing that we loved them just as much.

She raised an eyebrow at me, the corners of her lips twitching upwards ever so slightly. “And if you could plan it?”

That was a good question. There were two main paths my life could take from here. Either, I’d make it all the way, and end up becoming Arin’s wife, or I’d be sent packing at some point. Both paths had their own unique slough of interesting consequences. The former option would mean that I’d likely have to transfer to Angeles University and finish up my education there. I’d have to learn more about what being a princess, and eventually a queen, would entail. In addition, I’d likely also face some pressure to provide Arin with a heir. Hopefully I’d have a few years before people really started pestering me about that. I was just barely an adult myself - I wouldn’t know the first thing about caring for a child.

The latter option would entail first figuring out how to tell my parents that I would not be returning home, since I hadn’t even told them that I’d submitted transfer applications to Swendish universities. The only person I had even sort of confided that to had been Jen. Then, I’d have to get myself to Swendway, and likely find some living arrangements there, make some new friends and professional connections, and figure out how to move on with my life. Ideally, I’d like to still at least be friends with Arin, but I wasn’t entirely sure that’d be possible, at least not immediately. Even just the thought of him choosing someone else over me made my heart ache. I’d better get used to it, though, because statistically speaking, that was the more likely outcome.

Isn’t the prince of Swendway around your age? Maybe you could meet him and fall in love with him instead.

That’d be ironic, and highly unlikely.

I rolled my eyes at Reggie, flashing her a crooked smile. “Do you even have to ask?”

“I was simply not trying to presume anything, Evalin,” she answered, her voice betraying her amusement at the matter.

“Naturally,” I replied with a chuckle. “What if you could plan it - what would that look like?”

“I'd make use of the experience as much as possible, of course. Finish my studies,” she paused, straightening her spine, her voice alight with passion as she spoke, “and hopefully, come back, for a job.”

So her intention in coming here had been to open more doors for her professional life, then. I had to hand it to her, that was an incredibly well thought out plan, that had been an overwhelming success, if you asked me. “Hoping to be an advisor, then?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. Lord only knew that Arin, and likely his future wife, whoever she may be, would need as many of those as they could get.

I’ll give her the job for sure, if I win.

“Possibly.” She kept her tone casual as she looked out over the crowd. “Don't plan to apply for maid, at least.”

Had she just made a joke? I never thought I’d live to see the day! “I’d imagine,” I laughed out, lowering my voice before turning back to the crowd. “You’d be great at it, though. You truly are extremely knowledgeable, and think things over very logically, which is a useful skill.”

She lit up, a wide smile flickering across her face, before it faded back into her more common close-lipped smile. “Thank you.”

Smiling in return, I shook my head. “No need to thank me -” I elbowed her gently in the side “- thank yourself, and the hard work I’m sure you put into it.”

She blinked once as I pulled my elbow back to my side, a small smile playing on her lips as her eyes scanned the room again. They locked in on an important looking man in a suit, standing against the wall by himself. A government official of some sort, then? As I pondered who he might be, Reggie cleared her throat. “Speaking of which -” she pursed her lips “- Good luck tonight, Evalin. Remember to not look down at your feet; it won't help.”

I nodded. It was clear that regardless of who the guy across the room was, she wanted to talk to him. Time for me to return to dancing, then. “Yes, thank you.” With that, I began walking off into the crowd, finishing my glass of champagne and then looking over my shoulder at Reggie. “I’ll see you around, I hope?”

Nodding, she smiled. “Of course.”

I watched as she power walked across the room, impressed that she could do that in heels. My own feet were beginning to hurt, but I knew that I’d be able to ignore that as soon as I started dancing. Surprisingly, I had found that dancing was a lot like running. If I just focused on getting through the first few minutes, my body would go on autopilot, my mind emptying itself of all thoughts as I waltzed and reeled my way through song after song with partner after partner. Some of them were more interesting than others, and I made an effort to keep track of the names of the ones I rather enjoyed chatting and dancing with, but I was beginning to suspect that I wouldn’t remember many of them come morning.

Another song ended, and I curtsied to the man I had just finished up dancing with, laughing as I turned away, my cheeks aching with the size of my unfading smile. This night had truly been exactly the kind of break I had needed.

When I opened my eyes again as I finished laughing, I was greeted with the sight of a hand in front of me. I knew that hand. I had looked upon it often, as I sat on the floor of the Angeles Ballet’s theater, my head resting on his shoulder, and his head on mine. I felt my mouth form an o-shape, and I dragged my gaze upwards, only to be met with Arin’s smiling face.

I couldn’t tell whether my face felt hot from the champagne, or something else entirely.

“May I have this dance?”

Yes, sir. In fact, you can have all of my dances, if you want to.

I placed my hand in his, the same feeling of rightness I had felt that day in the theater washing over me like a wave. “Of course,” I answered with a smile.

He pulled me closer, leading me through the first few steps of the dance. My heart was beating so loudly in my ears that I almost couldn’t hear him as he asked. “How is your night so far?”

I could barely focus, being so close to him. All that champagne had been a bad idea. My walls were lowered, my inhibitions all but gone, and yet, I was kind of okay with it. I was vaguely aware of the fact that I had to be careful, though. I couldn’t kiss him, or anything of the sort, not with all the foreign dignitaries present. It was a damn shame. He looked pretty kissable tonight.

“Pretty good, I’d say,” I answered, already laughing as I planned my next joke. My head lifted upwards, my eyes meeting his as my laughter faded into an amused smile. He had such a nice face - nice to look at, and kind, at its very core. Although, I was pretty sure I only thought that second part because of the kindness he had been showing me, recently.“Warming up, so I don’t accidentally step on the feet of anybody important, you know? What about you?”

He just shrugged. “It hasn't been too bad- just a lot of making the rounds.”

The rounds? Did he mean with the Selected girls? Here I had been, thinking I was special.

Reminder: you really are a goddamned fool.

I didn’t think it was the increased jitteriness and nerves associated with sleep deprivation speaking, this time. Or maybe it was that, just in combination with a good bit of alcohol. Either way, I had questions, and I needed answers if I had any hope of sleeping tonight.

I raised an eyebrow at him, smirking a little. “Is that all this is to you, then?”

He blinked once, as if the question had caught him off guard. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t have expected it. It had been a few weeks since we had talked, and he had just admitted to making rounds at this party. My question was the product of a logical conclusion I had drawn.

“I was actually taking a break from that, which is why I came over.”

“Good answer.” My eyes were completely lost in his face - his eyes, his lips, the way he was looking at me - as I chuckled. I had to keep talking, if only to prevent myself from doing something I’d live to regret later. So, lowering my voice, I added, “I’d hate to be just another box to check off on your to-do list.”

Not a lie. I wanted to mean something to him. I wanted him to love me.

I couldn’t force him to do that, though.

“Do I make you feel that way?” he asked, curiosity glimmering in his eyes before he looked around us, and then spun me.

I waited until after I was back in front of him to answer, too focused on keeping my balance as I spun to trust myself to talk without falling flat on my ass. Sure, he had fallen in front of me, but not surrounded by foreign royalty and the prominent political figures of Illéa. I kept my voice low as I spoke, just loud enough so that he could still hear me over the music. “Generally, you just kind of make me confused,” I answered honestly, shrugging, and still smiling at him.

He took a deep breath, something about it almost shaky to me. That mustn't have been the answer he’d wanted. Oops. “I seem to get that a lot. I'm working on being more clear.”

“Yes, you’ve told me as much before,” I said, giving him what I hoped was a reassuring smile as I recalled the time we had talked over bourbon in the hallway outside of the library. I wanted to let him know that his efforts weren’t going unnoticed. I saw him trying harder. We were kind of similar in that sense - both more willing to listen to other people’s thoughts and feelings, than to share secrets of our own. It was something we’d have to remedy, if we planned on pursuing this relationship. From what I knew, which admittedly, wasn’t much, good communication was the key to a successful, long-lasting relationship, and right now, Arin and I weren’t there. I hoped that we would be one day, though, sooner rather than later.

“I appreciate it. I’m sure I don’t make it easy either, with my constant questions, and my own -” I paused, trying to find the right word, “- omission of details in most of my answers. I guess it’s something we both have to work on, in a way,” I finished with a shrug.

A small frown crept down his face. “Are you okay, Ev? You seem a little bit off tonight.”

“Ev,” I repeated, my smile softening, my eye drifting down towards the floor to my side. A nickname. He had a fricking nickname for me. Nobody outside of my own family had bothered to give me a pet name, ever. The significance of that one syllable wasn’t lost on me.

“Oh!” My eyes snapped up, focusing on Arin again. Right, he had asked a question! “Yes, I’m good! Really enjoying myself, actually!” This is the best I’ve felt in the past few weeks. All my exhaustion, all my worries, all my plans for the potential futures in front of me were gone, tossed out the window as I looked at him. The couples around us faded into nothingness in my mind, the music itself even dimming out in my ears, until it was just me and Arin, dancing, close together.

“Are you sure?” He smiled, the appearance of it somewhere in between reassuring and concerned. “We can talk about it if you like.”

I wasn’t sure, if I was being honest. I was tired, I was stressed, and I was probably a tad overworked, though that wasn’t really an uncommon combination for me. On top of school, I still didn’t know why my father had called me at two in the morning his time all those weeks ago, or what Lukas had meant when he said things were getting bad back home. I had decided to forego the credit for my biochemistry lab, so I’d have to figure out how I would make that up at some point. I wasn’t sure what Proctor was up to, and the fact that she had been so quiet set me on edge. Lastly, I was nervous about where Arin and I stood in terms of our relationship, if we could even call it that. I knew how I felt, but his feelings were still entirely a mystery to me. I was losing sleep over it all. Most nights, I just laid in my bed for five hours, managing to sleep for maybe half of that time, until I just gave up, and went for my morning run. It wasn’t sustainable. It might help to confide in someone, about it all.

Here was my chance.

My smile faltered. Part of me still wanted to just brush off his concern and say that everything was fine, because he was already stressed enough about his own workload and problems regarding the Selection and politics. I absolutely did not want to add to that. At the same time, though, I had told him multiple times that I would appreciate him being more clear and open with me, and I’d be a complete hypocrite if I didn’t do the same thing in return.

“I’ve just been lost in thought a lot, lately. I -” I shook my head, averting my gaze to the ground the moment I heard my voice crack. I wouldn’t break down. Not here, not now, not yet. “I’d like to be more open, I think, but is this really the time and place?” I looked up at him again, trying my best to smile. Please don’t worry about me. I don’t want to put that on you. “Tonight has been a lot of fun, and you should get to enjoy it too, without having to hear about my problems, that probably aren’t even as big as I think they are anyway.” I hesitated for a moment, wondering if it was worth it to assuage even one of my worries, before taking a chance and adding, “Though, if I could ask you one question, maybe?”

He blinked, that same look of surprise flashing across his face yet again. “Yeah, of course.”

He was going to live to regret that answer. He probably wouldn’t even answer my question - or, in classic Arin fashion, he’d give me a non-answer. Still, if it meant I could sleep a little easier tonight, it would be worth it.

Here goes nothing. “Okay, you asked me how you made me feel, and I gave you my honest answer, but -” I took a deep breath, the sound of it shaky, my shoulders trembling slightly as they rose and fell, and looked up again to meet his eyes “- how do you feel about this?”

“I'm still figuring out my feelings.” His voice was quieter now, the deep breath he took a mirror image of my own. It wasn’t exactly a non-answer, but it wasn’t much of an answer, either. It changed nothing. At least he had been honest, though.

“I'm sorry if that's not the answer you wanted.”

I narrowed my eyes, offering him a small smile as I shook my head. “The only answer I wanted was the truth. I’d rather know that, than you lie and tell me what you think I want to hear.”

“Have I ever done that to you - lied, I mean, about my feelings?” His throat bobbed as he swallowed, his eyes darting away for a moment.

This was not the conversation I had intended to have at all. Yet, I was glad we were able to finally be so candid with each other. It was a relief to get his full and real opinion, like the first, frantic breath of air after breaking through the surface of the ocean.

“I don’t think so,” I answered, shaking my head. “I mean, we talked in the hallway, after the roller skating date, and you said you basically wanted to send us all home, and then a few days later, we kissed in the library, which kind of sent out mixed signals, but -” I sighed a little “- I think that’s more on me overthinking than it is on you.” Sorry, for doing that with every interaction we have. I would’ve voiced my thoughts allowed as I looked up at him again, my smile soft, had I not remembered how often he asked me not to apologize. Hadn’t I told him I was working on that? I had to live up to my word, if I expected him to live up to his.

“Well, how do you feel now?” he asked, squeezing my hand gently.

My own gaze drifted down to our hands, clasped together like they were two halves of a whole, like they were meant to hold each other. I needed to stop seeing it like that. He clearly had feelings for other girls. It was best that I brace myself for the worst.

Yet, I couldn’t give up the hope that we might be meant to be.

“A bit better than before, now that we both know where we stand.”

He took a deep breath, holding it for a few moment, before releasing it and asking, “Tell me what you want?”

I narrowed my eyes. What did he mean by that? What did I want right then and there? To dance the night away with him, to laugh, to sneak out with him into someplace secluded, and maybe confuse his feelings a little more by stealing some kisses. Or did he mean the question more generally?

I decided the latter was more likely. “Just to get to know you - even as simply a friend! I -” I swallowed, trying to figure out what direction I should take this sentence in “- I’ve never had many, and I’d like that very much.”

I had more friends now than I had ever had before, and I was afraid I hadn’t been a very good friend to them in return. I’d been stubborn, quick to criticize, aloof, judgemental - everything a friend wasn’t supposed to be.

“Evalin, haven't we been friends?” His voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “I don't take people I don't like to the ballet or give them book recommendations, and I certainly wouldn't ask them to dance with me - unless they're so foreign head of state and I have to.”

Good to know I get the same treatment as a foreign head of state. How romantic.

How to explain myself? “No - I mean, yes, those are things friends would do - but -” my shoulders sagged, and I was unable to quite meet his eye “- I just feel like I don’t know anything about you, is all.”

Why had I said that? Fuck, I was really making a mess of what had been a nice night.

“And I know you’re working on it, and I get that, I just…” I shook my head, my eyes wide as I forced myself to offer him a smile. “Sorry, this isn’t coming out right, at all.”

“Well, what do you want to know?” He tilted his head to the side, his eyes on me, boring into me, like he was trying to read me like a book.

I mimicked his head movement as I considered his question. “Anything, I suppose. Details - I like little details. I’ll even make a trade - a detail for a detail.” Righting my head once again, I gave him a sheepish grin, though it was more genuine than my smile had been moments ago.

“Okay.” He nodded. “Then, ask.”

“Okay.” The question was, what to ask him? I stared at the wall over his shoulder, biting my lip a little as I did. The details I wanted were more personal, and not at all befitting of the time and place. Most embarrassing childhood memory? What would your ideal life look like? Tell me a story that shaped who you are today. “How do you take your coffee?”

I made a mental note to ask him to talk at some point in the upcoming weeks. We could be more open then, and ask less superficial questions, hopefully.

He paused. Then, “Usually I prefer tea, but if I have coffee I like it with a bit of milk.”

“Any kind of tea, in particular?”

“Earl Grey,” he answered, raising his eyebrows at me.

I wrinkled my nose, laughing at his answer. At home, we referred to Earl Grey as, “the British dishwater tea.” Somehow, it felt like that fit with who he was, as a person.

“Interesting.” No, this isn’t. “So, um, I guess you get a question now, if you want.”

“What's your favorite ice cream flavor?” he asked with a soft smile.

“Strawberry,” I answered without hesitation. Perhaps I could make my answer a little less superficial by elaborating. That might be a good tactic! “There was this little ice cream shop in my mother’s hometown that we always used to go to when we visited my grandparents, that made the best strawberry ice cream I have ever had.” I shook my head, chuckling as I added, “Nothing quite compares.”

“Strawberry is okay.” He looked lost in thought, as if he was mulling over my choice of ice cream flavor. “I prefer chocolate though. Always chocolate.”

“Chocolate can be good. It’s a classic,” I conceded, nodding once, then laughing a little. “As long as you don’t say vanilla is your favorite flavor, we’re good in my book.”

“What's wrong with vanilla?” He narrowed his eyes slightly, furrowing his brows.

“It doesn’t taste like anything!” I wrinkled my nose at the memory of trying vanilla ice cream as a very young child. “It’s like eating ice!”

“I can't say I agree with you there. Vanilla is a good flavor. Just not the best.”

I hummed thoughtfully, shaking my head. With a grin, I replied, “This might be a dealbreaker.”

He shrugged. “Aren't you supposed to accept all flaws in a relationship?”

“I was taught never to compromise my morals in a relationship.” I shook my head, doing my best to keep my expression serious for the sake of the joke, but I couldn’t hold it for more than a few seconds. This conversation was ridiculous. I had to laugh.

He raised his eyebrows at me. “I think it's a mixed bag. Compromises have to be made.”

“Yes, of course,” I agreed, “but not all the time. People can be wrong sometimes.”

“Wrong?” He inclined his head to the side, looking at me with genuine curiosity.

“Yes.” Did he seriously not think that it was possible for some people to be incorrect? The thought was absurd! With a laugh, I continued. “Some things do have a right and a wrong answer, you know?”

“And what about right now? Is one of us right or wrong?”

What did he mean by that? I wasn’t sure if we were talking about ice cream at this point, or something more.Was one of us right or wrong about this relationship? If that was the case, I sure hoped I was right, but did that mean that he didn’t agree that we had something between us, if we disagreed on that?

Ignoring the fact that my head was spinning, I raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you think?”

“Honestly? I’m not even sure anymore?”

Oh, good. “I guess we’re confused together, then,” I announced with a laugh.

He wasn’t as amused as I was, apparently. With a frown, he nodded slowly, his eyes distant even as he looked at me. “I guess we are.”

“Is there something wrong with that?” I inclined my head to the side, frowning now as well.

“Indecision isn't exactly a great quality of a future leader.”

He was right.

The song began to wind down at that moment, and I just about thanked my lucky stars. If we kept going like this, I was either going to kiss him to shut him up, and to shut my own thoughts up, or say something that would get me kicked out of the Selection for sure. Or, worse than both of those options, I might cry. Nope. I needed to get out of here. I’d ask Arin if he could talk another time, when I was more sober, and he didn’t have to make rounds, and there were no foreign dignitaries surrounding us.

“Well, just because you don’t know the answer, doesn’t mean nobody does,” I offered, fixing him with one last smile. “You can ask others for help, input, or advice, you know?”

“About us?” He inclined his head for a moment, keeping his eyes on me even as he let go of my hand and took a few steps away. So, he had meant our relationship, then. Oh, God. He didn’t feel the same way about me that I felt about him, and now he was stepping away, because either he was trying to let me down slowly and gently, or because he just didn’t know what to say.

I couldn’t breathe. I needed to get out of here.

“In general.” I forced a laugh, curtsying before beginning to back away. “Thank you for the dance, Arin.”

He just nodded. “Of course.”

“See you around!” I offered him one last smile and nod before scurrying off. Air. I needed air. When had it gotten so stuffy in here? I beelined for the doors to the garden, which I had heard had been decorated with lights for the guests. The cool night air would do me some good.

I grabbed another flute of champagne on my way out, downing half of it in one go. More mistakes, but if my days here were numbered more than I had thought they were, I was determined to enjoy my time here while it lasted.

I wasn’t sure where I was walking, but I didn’t really care. The cool night air felt good against my skin, and that was all that mattered to me. There weren’t many people out in the garden at the moment, and those that were walking around weren’t familiar to me. So, I took in the lights and decorations instead, just as intricate as their indoor counterparts. To think that this might be one of the last time I walked these paths…

No. I couldn’t let my mind wander down that path. For all I knew, I was just overthinking things again, and in my tipsy stupor, Arin had confused me, and I had confused him in turn. We really needed to work on our communication skills. I’d have to start asking him to clarify what he was trying to say when I couldn’t tell in the future. It didn’t matter if doing so made me sound unintelligent; he already knew that I was smart. He had called me as much before we had kissed in the library. Very smart. Stunning. Adorable. Plus, he had said he liked me.

We were going to be okay. I just had to breathe.

There was a person blocking the path in front of me. I squinted, trying to make out who it was in the dim lighting, based off of their silhouette alone.

Hugo.

It was nice to see a friendly face. Or, rather, to kind of see a friendly face, given the lighting.

I walked up to him, watching the way he just seemed to stare into the distance, looking at everything and nothing in particular, his hands in his pockets. “Stopping to smell the roses?” I asked, chuckling a little at my own joke.

He turned around, smiling softly as I came to a stop a few feet from him. “Oh, hi, Evalin. How are you tonight?”

“I’m really good, actually,” I lied, smiling as I attempted to keep the good spirits I had been in at the start of the ball alive. “How are you?”

He looked at the ground for a moment, his smile growing as he did. Someone must have made him very happy tonight, then. At least somebody here knew where they stood in a relationship.

“I'm doing really well, thanks,” he answered, glancing around. “What brings you out here?”

“The breeze,” I answered, moving to stand beside him, my attention caught by the yellow flowers that dotted the bush in front of us, “and the fresh air. I never thought a room here could feel so stuffy.” Wrinkling my nose, I looked up at him, a small smile playing at my lips.

“And this wasn't that stuffy at all,” he replied with a laugh, taking a deep breath.

I felt my eyes go wide as I considered his words. The crowds could get bigger than this? From the sounds of it, they very likely could, and often did. That didn’t necessarily seem like a bad thing to me, though. The only reason I had felt like I had needed the fresh air to begin with was because of my own thoughts, and Arin, muddling them up even further.

So I shook off my concern, taking a sip of champagne before turning to look at Hugo again. Speaking of Arin…

“Oh, while I have you here - I wanted to thank you, for, uh, encouraging -” there was a certain uptilt to my voice, like the verb I had used was the only thing I was questioning within the sentence “- me to ask Arin to take me to the ballet. We went, and it was amazing.” It really had been. I couldn’t figure out why I had even freaked out about the possibility of Arin not liking me, I realized, a smile creeping back onto my face. That entire night had been so lovely. There was no way something that wasn’t real could feel so right.

He tossed a smile in my direction, turning his head to look at me. “Did it? I'm really glad. I know he can be difficult sometimes, so I'm really glad he took you.”

Yeah, “difficult,” is one way to put it.

“You know, when you first suggested it, I thought it was crazy. I had to wonder if we were even talking about the same Arin, you know?” I snorted, shaking my head. “He’s complex.”

He raised his eyebrows at me, the movement so similar to what I had seen Arin do many times before, that it was hard for me to comprehend how I hadn’t realized they were related earlier on during my first meeting with Hugo. “Aren't we all?”

He was right. Even I had noticed how some of the traits that frustrated me the most about Arin were traits that I exhibited myself. I had likely been too quick to judge Arin, after our first few interactions.

“Arin's always been a bit -” Hugo paused, glancing off into the distance “- different, but there's some good there even if it's hard to see sometimes.”

Once again, Hugo was right, I realized, feeling my smile soften.“I think I see it, sometimes.” My voice was distant, even to my own ears, as I thought about the moments of kindness that still shone through to me - the way Arin always offered to listen, the way he never pushed me for details if I didn’t want to share, even the way he had literally pulled over the car to help me with my nosebleed. Had I offered him the same compassion in return? I wasn’t sure I had.

Turning back to Hugo, I concluded, “But you’re absolutely right. Complexity is what makes humans so human, for lack of a better word.”

He nodded in agreement, but his words contradicted the motion. “But sometimes simplicity is best - like the way those lights in the garden look, or how there's something so calming about night air.”

“That’s why science was always so appealing to me,” I admitted, glancing at him out of the corner of my eye. “There’s a right answer, and a wrong answer, with little room for interpretation, most of the time.”

“I like the in between - where there's no right or wrong. Where everything is open for interpretation.”

“Is that not more complex?” I furrowed my brows, turning my head to look at him once again. Did such a thing even exist? Sure, there were shades of grey in many conceptual arguments, but there was still a spectrum of right and wrong. It was what governed human morality, and the majority of our actions.

Hugo simply shrugged in response. “Not to me. It just feels right. Like that tree over there -” he pointed “- I don't need to know all the tiny details about how it works to see that it's beautiful.”

I tilted my head a bit, biting the inside of my cheek as I followed his finger to the tree he had mentioned, all the while considering his words. Had it not been for the one brain cell in my head still functioning properly, I might have started to explain xylem and phloem to him, and why they were important to the survival of the tree. That made more sense to me than the argument that the existence of the tree itself was just beautiful. Beauty was such a subjective thing. The tree wasn’t ugly, sure, but I wouldn’t have described it as beautiful, either. It was just a tree, plain and simple. Why complicate it, and assign it more adjectives?

“That makes sense,” I relented, though I still wasn’t entirely sure I agreed. “I guess just knowing the tiny details makes the big picture more interesting, to me.”

He looked down at me once more, offering me a small smile. “And that's fine. That's what makes you who you are.”

I blinked a couple of times, not prepared to handle talking with a Stanton or Schreave and being introspective at the same time. One often baffled me, and the other was something I actively tried to avoid. I was tipsy, sure, but not nearly enough to be having this conversation. Taking another sip of champagne, I nodded slowly, mustering up the courage to ask the only question on my mind at the moment. “Is my need to know everything really that obvious?” And is it as annoying as I imagine it to be?

His affirming nod made my stomach roll. “Yeah, but it isn't bad. It's just part of who you are.”

“Duly noted,” I replied, nodding and letting out a wry laugh before averting my gaze to the lights again. At least he was trying to make it seem like I was less nosy than I must seem. With a half smile, I went to ask my next question, the irony of me doing so not lost on me. “Any other facets of my personality I need to be made aware of?”

“Sweet, funny, has a nice laugh,” he answered, turning his head upwards, his eyes locking in on the stars.

“Oh.” I blushed at the compliment, finishing off the little bit of champagne I had left. I’d been expecting him to point out more areas of myself that I might improve upon, but I supposed what he had said was welcome as well. Maybe it was just the alcohol, but his voice began to mingle with Arin’s in my mind. Very smart. Sweet. Stunning. Funny. Adorable. Has a nice laugh.

I needed to focus on something else. I had come out here to get out of my head, not further into it.

I followed his gaze upwards, taking in the stars, which were surprisingly easy to see, despite the fact that we were fairly close to a large metropolitan area. I had expected the light pollution levels to be higher. Nonetheless, I squinted at the stars, attempting to see if I could make out anything familiar. My grandfather had tried to teach my siblings and I how to use the stars as a method of navigation when we were younger, but it had never really stuck with me. I did, however, recognize one constellation, shaped like a lopsided box. “You can see Lyra really well tonight,” I observed, pointing it out.

“Which one is it?” he asked, squinting in the direction I was pointing. With a little laugh, he added, “Sorry, I haven't picked out constellations since I was a kid.”

“Don’t worry,” I reassured him with a laugh, “Lyra is the only one I really know, because it made me so angry as a kid.”

“It’s so stupid,” I complained to my father. “It’s a diagonal square. How is that a constellation?”

I pointed upwards towards the brightest star in the constellation, a ball of gas three times the size of our own sun. “That bright star is Vega, which is the bottom right corner. Then, connect the dots into a lopsided parallelogram -” I traced the shape in the sky with my index finger “- and voilà - Lyra.”

I felt his eyes on me as I drew the constellation in the air, watching him nod out of the corner of my eyes when he finally saw what I was pointing out. “Aha! There it is!”

“Yep!” I offered him another smile before looking back up at the lopsided parallelogram that had the audacity to call itself a constellation - and a lyre, at that! The homonym “liar,” was more fitting, in my opinion. “It’s a funny little thing.”

He glanced over at me again. “I'm impressed. Thanks for pointing it out to me.”

“No problem,” I replied, shaking my head. “As I said, though, my knowledge of constellations starts and ends there, so I can help you no further, I am afraid.”

At that, he laughed, the sound mingling with the crickets and the low voices of the other people in the gardens. “Well, that's better than my absolute lack of knowledge.”

“Is it, though?” I angled my head towards him a bit, a small smile playing at my lips. “Hear me out - if you know nothing, nobody questions you on it, because nobody expects you to have the answers, but if you know the bare minimum about a subject, people ask you questions as if you’re an expert, because they expect you to know all the answers, even if you don’t.”

Once again, he laughed, though I couldn’t quite figure out what about what I had just said warranted such a reaction. “Well, then it looks like I need to brush up on trivial facts so I can become an expert on everything.”

If only. I laughed. “It works until someone asks you an easy question that you would know, and you answer it incorrectly.”

“Didn't you say the bare minimum is enough to make you an expert?”

No, I hadn’t. At least, I didn’t think that I had. That hadn’t been what I was trying to say.

“It’s enough to make some people expect you to be an expert,” I explained again, frowning. “Sorry, I must’ve jumbled up my words when I spoke earlier.”

“Perhaps it's the champagne?” He laughed again. Maybe that was all he knew how to do, in these types of situations.

I laughed lightly, feeling some of the heat that had left my face return. “I’d like to think I’m not that much of a lightweight.”

“The bubbles can catch you off guard,” he offered by way of explanation.

I shot him a look out of the corner of my eyes, a joking smile on my face. “Speaking from experience?”

“This isn't my first ball,” he answered, chuckling. The thought of Hugo drunk, or even tipsy, was rather entertaining to me. It seemed like something most of the members of the royal family were somehow above, though I supposed it was impossible for someone to be completely immune to the effects of alcohol. They’d probably all been drunk or tipsy at some point. They were human, after all. Why did I have to keep reminding myself of that?

I nodded. “Of course. Fond memories?”

The smile that lit up his face was answer enough. “I always take away at least one good memory from a ball.”

“Any notable ones from tonight yet?” I asked, nodding once as I looked back up from the sky. It was a good philosophy, to always look for the silver lining. It was something I should try and do more often, if I was being honest with myself. It might spare me from some of the negativity I had been feeling as of late.

Hugo averted his gaze to the ground. “One or two.”

I smiled at him, genuinely happy, for his sake. He was a nice guy, and, much like everyone else present tonight, deserved to enjoy himself. “Good. I’m glad to hear you’re having a good time!”

“Are you having a good time?” he asked, looking back up at me.

Hadn’t I already answered this question at the beginning of our conversation?

“Yes,” I answered firmly. “This is the most I’ve danced, ever, I think, and I’ve only stepped on three peoples feet, which is a personal best, for me.”

“I'm glad to hear you're having fun,” he replied with a laugh. “I know these sorts of events can be a bit tricky sometimes.”

“Thank you. It’s -” my smile softened a bit, as I considered the manner in which I’d have spent this evening if I was back in Carolina, surrounded by my family, “- different, but not necessarily in a bad way.”

“It's all about who you dance with,” he stated, smiling. “According to my sister you should avoid Clarke Monroe at all costs, ‘no matter how cute he is’.” With a laugh, he answered my question before I could even ask it. “That's a direct quote.”

I chuckled. I hadn’t met his sister yet, but she sounded like a fun girl to be around, if that sort of statement was typical of her. “I haven’t bumped into Mr. Monroe yet, but I’ll keep an eye out,” I said, nodding once. Then, sighing, I looked around us one last time, my gaze lingering on the palace doors in the distance. I couldn’t spend the entire night out here, as nice as it might be.

Turning to Hugo, I decided, “Speaking of which, I think I’m going to head back in.”

“I think I'll stay out here a little longer,” he replied, inclining his head a bit. Then, with a glance towards the palace and a smile, he amended, “Not too long, though.”

I couldn’t help but wonder who that smile might be for as I began to back away, meeting his smile with one of my own. “Well, if you find yourself in need of a dance partner, I promise to try my best not to step on your toes.”

He just laughed. “I just might take you up on that offer.”

“Well, you know where to find me if you do, but if you don’t, then enjoy the rest of the dance.” I waved one last time, before turning around and heading back inside.

True to my word, once I returned back inside, I danced until I couldn’t feel my feet at all anymore. Somewhere along the way, I had consumed another glass of champagne, though I swore up and down to myself that that would be my last one of the night. I didn’t want to accidentally fall asleep before midnight, when we’d throw the powder in the air. That was the part I had been looking forward to the most.

As another song ended, I made the decision to take a break and leave the dance floor. I was breathless, and knew I was red in the face as I chuckled to myself, drunk on happiness and joy, more so than just champagne. It was time for some water, and maybe some conversation. I scanned the room as I picked up the tiny plastic cup of water from the refreshment table, my eyes stopping when I spotted Clemence sitting by herself off to the side of the room, a plate of what looked like cake on the table in front of her. That seemed odd, for her, but I shook my concern off for the moment, deciding to approach her and at the very least say hello. I hadn’t seen her in ages.

“Hello!” I called as I got closer to where she was sitting, waving to her with the hand that was not holding my cup of water.

Clemence was using a fork to cut another bite of cake as I approached. Hearing my voice, she looked up, blinking once, as if she was seeing the ball, and the people dancing around her for the first time. She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Oh, hey, Evalin.”

Something was wrong.

I frowned, pulling out one of the chairs next to her, and taking a seat. Clemence had been there for me whenever I had needed her to be. She had been the definition of a good friend, and what had I been, besides an additional source of stress in her life?

It was time to repay the favor. “Is everything alright?”

“Fine enough,” she answered with a distracted bod, taking another bite and looking around as she chewed. She didn’t sound or look fine at all. Remembering what she had shared with me the first time we had spoken, I frowned, ready to sit with her the entire night, if that was what she needed.

Before I could say anything else, she asked, “Enjoying the ball?”

“Very much,” I answered, my frown deepening despite my positive feelings towards the majority of the night’s activities. “You?”

Clemence shrugged, the smile on her face clearly forced. “I’ve had better balls, to be honest.”

Yeah, okay, Clemence. Between her faked contentment with her current situation, whatever it was, and her uppity joke, it was impossible for me to not roll my eyes. I couldn’t help but feel sympathy for her, though. Hadn’t I been trying to cover up my own problems in front of everyone else I had talked tonight? We were all going through the wringer right now, it seemed.

So I offered her a small smile. “The closest I’ve ever come to a ball was high school prom,” I joked, shaking my head at the memory. At the time, it had seemed like the worst night of my life. I had begrudgingly agreed to go with a boy from my calculus class, despite the fact that I loathed his personality and sense of humor, just for the sake of having a date to take pictures with. He had insisted on my sitting with him and his friends instead of letting me sit with June, and had stepped on the hem of my dress multiple times when we had danced, staining the light green fabric brown by the end of the night. To top it all off, during dessert, he had spilled his coffee in my lap. Not exactly a night to be remembered fondly. Still, it was humorous in retrospect.

Clemence’s smile was more genuine now, as she tilted her head, a hint of curiosity glimmering in her eyes. “This must be quite the change.”

“It is.” I nodded, smiling as I looked over the crowd. I had never been in a situation like this, though as I had said earlier, that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Yet, I couldn’t help but wish things were as simple as they had been before this, before the Selection. “I toasted a glass of champagne with my parents’ beers over FaceTime while I was getting ready today. They’re barbecuing.”

Her answering laugh was choked, as if she wanted to laugh but couldn’t really bring herself to. It was sad, to see her so upset. Clemence was always so warm, welcoming; she always had some happiness to bring to others. What could have upset her like this? More importantly, what could I do to help?

“I almost forgot people out of here celebrated too,” she admitted.

I shook my head. “I think they’re celebrating having off from work more than anything else,” I admitted, but that was besides the point. I turned my head to look at Clemence again, half tempted to just reach over and grab her hand, and give it a reassuring squeeze, but I hesitated. I wasn’t sure she was the kind of person that liked the sense of touch when she was upset. What if I made her more uncomfortable?

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I tried again. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” You’ve helped me so much; please let me return the favor.

She only nodded, taking another bite of her cake. “I know, but it’s nothing to worry about. I’ll be better tomorrow.”

I raised an eyebrow at her, rather skeptical of the truth of that statement, but I didn’t press her for details. If she wanted to talk about it, she knew where to find me. Instead, I could try and cheer her up.

With a small smile, I asked, “Besides today, how have things been? It’s been so long since we last talked!”

She raised her eyebrows, her eyes scanning the crowded dance floor until they settled on their target. Arin. Interesting. Her smile softened as she looked at him.

Interesting, indeed.

“Wild,” she answered, “but not unwelcome.” Her eyes were glazed over, her mind clearly not in the room at the moment.

I grinned. It wasn’t easy knowing she, along with other girls, I was sure, was developing feelings for Arin as well, but when she looked at him, she looked more at peace than she had before. She deserved that bit of happiness. I had no control over who he chose in the end, after all. Besides, Clemence would make an amazing queen.

So, why was I so torn up inside about her liking him?

“Now, that’s a change of tune I never thought I’d hear from you,” I teased, nudging her a little with my elbow.

She blinked as she turned back to me, as if she had forgotten that I was sitting there. “He’s still an idiot,” she stated, though her fond smile betrayed how she truly felt about the matter.

My heart might have broken, had I let it. I couldn’t though. Not here, not now.

I nodded in agreement, chuckling. “He has one of the worst short term memory spans I’ve ever encountered.”

“I guess he has,” she agreed, turning away with a pensive look on her face.

“No,” I explained with a laugh, “I mean, he took me to see the Angeles Ballet, and afterwards he asked me what I wanted for dinner, and I said seafood, and he said okay, and then five minutes later when we got in the car, he asked me the same exact questions again.”

She let out a small laugh at the story, seeming genuinely interested in the conversation for the first time since we had started talking. “In his defense, the ballet probably turned his brain all mushy. What did you see?”

I was kind of surprised by her answer, considering her figure skating background, but I let it slide, laughing lightly. The fans of the ballet were few and far between, apparently. “Don Quixote,” I answered. “It was the best case scenario. Had it been anything else, he probably would’ve fallen asleep.”

“I would’ve slept too,” she admitted, smiling as she looked away once again. “I performed to Don Quixote, once.”

“Really?” How had I not know that? “That’s so cool!”

She looked downright melancholic when she responded. She must have really missed her figure skating career - that much was obvious, written all over her face.. Was that why she was so sad? Did being here somehow remind her of that? Did today’s date mean something to her, in terms of her career? It was the summer, though, so that last possibility didn’t make a ton of sense.

“It was at my first Olympics,” she explained. “Seems like a lifetime ago. I was a baby.”

“If you were a baby, then I must have been a fetus,” I joked.

“Thirteen is fetus age indeed,” she teased. “Barely an actual teenager.”

“And sixteen is definitely baby, age,” I agreed, nodding. “My younger brother is sixteen now, and the rest of us definitely have the urge to protect him at all costs.” I wondered what Randall was up to now. Was he looking at universities? Had he decided what he wanted to study yet? It had been so long since we’d talked, which was kind of sad. We’d grown close the past few years, being the last kids left at home.

“I was fifteen, actually.” She inclines her head towards the size, her eyes darker as she continued to think. “So I guess it’s newborn age?”

“Wait, when’s your birthday?” I could’ve sworn she was three years older than me. Maybe I was mistaken, though. I should definitely not have any more champagne. “I’m going to be twenty-one in almost exactly a month.”

“I’ll be twenty-three in November,” she answered, raising an eyebrow at me. “Arin isn’t the only one with memory issues, it seems.”

“Right,” I said, doing my best to ignore her jab at my memorization skills. Memorization was one of my strongest assets; I was just very much drunk right now. “Okay, you mentioned you were a sixty-seven baby, but not when in sixty-seven -“ I nodded “- but I’m going to place the blame on the champagne, just this once.” I tried to laugh off her earlier insult, which she had probably only meant as a joke, but I couldn’t shake it, especially now, knowing that she actually liked Arin.

“I also said I was still twenty-two,” she replied with a wink, “but, yeah, we’ll say it’s the champagne.”

I smiled a bit, shaking my head. I remembered her calling me a baby, and saying she had been born in sixty-seven, but not when her birthday was, or her age. Oh, well. “Sorry, I must have missed that.”

“Sure,” she responded, rolling her eyes. “Not memory loss at all.”

I grimaced, inhaling sharply. If she insulted my memory one more time, I was going to lose it, which was counterintuitive to the purpose I had come over here with. “If I have early onset memory loss, that’s going to be a big problem, because online classes just started recently.” A slight change in subject, but nothing so drastic that she’d think she’d bothered me. An ideal solution.

“Oh, already? Sorry, I’m more used to the German calendar.” She patted my hand. “But I’m sure you’ll do great. You were doing fine before summer break, right?”

I had been doing much better than “fine,” actually. I had made the dean's list every semester, had made close connections with most of my professors, had secured my internship, which was coveted amongst biology majors. I was on top of my game.

Humility is a virtue, Evalin.

“Yeah, but being online is kind of weird,” was the response I settled on as I wrinkled my nose. It was odd only having power points, with limited audio lectures, and only being able to ask questions via email. “I suppose it’s only temporary, though, because eventually I’ll either have to transfer, or go home.” And by that, I mean I’ll go and make a new home for myself somewhere else.

“This Selection starts being a long pause in our lives, doesn’t it?”

I bit my lip, shaking my head before turning to look at Clemence again. “I feel like it was more of a jump start, for me, at least. It was the kick out the door that I needed.”

That much was true. If I hadn’t been Selected, I likely never would have left Carolina. I wouldn’t know nearly as much about the world, or even just this country, as I did now, and I wouldn’t have made any of the connections that had forced me to open my eyes to the problems that existed in the current day.

I probably would’ve ended up with Lukas, out of convenience. I didn’t know where that realization had come from, but it didn’t sit well with me. Had I really been that ready to settle? Thank God I had been Selected.

Clemence only nodded.

My presence here was clearly doing nothing, except for putting me in a worse mood. With a sigh, I finished the last of my water, inclining my head slightly as I put the glass down, offering Clemence another smile. “I think I’m going to head back out and dance some more. Do you want to come?”

Her wince as she eyed the dance floor answered the question before she did. “No, I’ll stay here with my cake, but thank you.” She flashed me a right smile, one of her hands clutching her dress.

If she didn’t want to talk, that was fine, I couldn’t force her to, but she clearly wasn’t okay. I just wished there was something I could do, or say, to make her feel better. Maybe I should send Arin her way. She had looked happier when she looked at him. The heartbreak would be worth it, if it meant my friends were happy.

But what if he chooses me over her? Would she be happy for me then?

I was tempted to say yes, but I didn’t know for sure.

I needed to move.

“Alright,” I replied with a soft smile, pushing my chair in and beginning to scan the crowd for my next dance partner. I needed to forget about this conversation. “Well, don’t hesitate to wave me over if you need anything!”

“Thank you, but I have a waiter dedicated to me already,” she stated, pointing towards one of the waiters with a slightly amused smile. The message was clear. I don’t need you.

That was fine. I looked back at her over my shoulder, wiggling my eyebrows with a laugh. “Well, I won’t get in the way of that! I’ll see you around!”

With that, I began to walk away, spotting a man in a suit who appeared to be in need of a dance partner. I didn’t know who he was, and quite frankly, I didn’t care. I just needed to get out of here.

Clemence waved her hand in response, rolling her eyes with a little smile. “Don’t drink too much champagne! You have no idea how many diplomatic incidents could be avoided without it!”

“Don’t worry, I’m winning all the foreign dignitaries over with my grace, charm, and good looks,” I assured her sarcastically, adding in a wink for good measure.

She laughed. “Keep up with that good work, then.”

“I live to serve,” I joked with a small, mocking curtsy, before taking the opportunity to exit.

Clemence liked Arin. She had a familial background in politics and international relations. She was beloved by any Illéan who watched figure skating, and had a truly kind and compassionate heart.

I was so screwed.

That was a problem for another day.

I lost myself in the music again, paying only the bare minimal attention to my surroundings. I was pretty sure I had seen Arin dancing with Felicity at one point, but I didn’t care to confirm whether or not I had actually witnessed that. He was figuring out his feelings, still, with a lot of people, apparently. Me. Jen. Clemence. Felicity. Probably more, if I was being honest. He was entitled to that. I just needed to stop being a jealous bitch.

By eleven-thirty, I was running out of new people to dance with. I had already had a second dance with some of the guests, though not with Arin. I had lost track of him at some point in the past hour or so, but that might have been for the better. My fatigue was starting to get to me. I just needed to push through until midnight, when we’d get to throw the powder in the air. I wanted to be here for that.

Someone was heading my way. Idalia. It had been ages since I’d seen her - since she’d almost made me cry. I had almost forgotten about that.

She looked radiant tonight as she crossed the floor towards me, smiling widely. I had seen her here and there throughout the night, either talking with the Italians, or dancing with Wylan, but she’d never been alone when I had spotted her, so I’d never had the chance to say hello. Now, though, I waved, making my way to her as fast as I could in this dress and these heels, hugging her as soon as we had made it to each other. The one positive lesson I had learned from our last conversation was that she gave great hugs, and I could have used one right about then.

Pulling away, I smiled, holding her on the shoulders at an arm’s length. “Hello!”

Her eyes were a bit wide as she looked at me, but she smiled nonetheless. “How’s the night going?”

The night had had its ups and downs, especially by this point, but I didn’t miss a beat, giggling a bit for good measure. The champagne helped. “It’s been so much fun! How’s yours been?”

“Lovely,” she answered, raising an eyebrow at me. “How was dancing with Arin?”

Well, in Arin’s own words, it sure was something.

“It was good! It was nice to be able to talk to him, even if it was only for a few minutes.” I smiled, looking for him one last time in the crowd. I wasn’t sure why. Was I hoping he’d come back over to me, and offer me another dance? That was impractical. He was busy making rounds, after all.

I turned back to Idalia. “How was dancing with Wylan?” I asked, being sure to lower my voice as I wiggled my eyebrows at her.

“Why are you saying it like that?” She asked in response, looking around us, like anyone hearing that she danced with Wylan would accuse her of committing a crime. As if other Selected hadn’t been dancing with people other than Arin all night long. “It was just a dance.”

“Okay,” I practically sang, finishing with a laugh. “Whatever you say!”

“Evalin, stop it!” Her words were annoyed, but her tone betrayed her amusement.

“Sorry,” I replied with a laugh, “as your friend, it’s basically my job to tease you.”

Idalia just shook her head. “How much have you been drinking?”

Too much.

“Just enough,” I answered with a smirk.

She narrowed her eyes, like she didn’t quite believe me, and I couldn’t blame her. However, she didn’t push it. “Well, I do have some good news.”

Thank God one of us did.

I raised my eyebrows, my curiosity piqued. “Do tell!”

“Dancing with Arin was not terrible.”

He really is making the rounds.

“No, he was one of my favorite dance partners of the night.” I smiled, scanning the crowd for him once more. He had to be out there, but there was no way he was looking for me. At least, it wasn’t likely.

“Well,” she began, chucking, “I don't know if I would say it was my favorite, but it was good.”

I opened my mouth, about to ask her what she meant by that, but before I could, someone announced that midnight was getting closer. As soon as the announcement ended, Idalia stood up straighter, and turned to face me. “We should go pick a color!”

“Yes!” This was what I had stayed for! I grabbed Idalia’s hand, pulling her behind me as I made a beeline for the bags filled with shimmery powders. “I’ve been so excited for this part!”

“Let me guess, you're doing yellow?”

“Well,” I started, my tone a mix of sarcastic and mock-offended, “now that you said that, I think I’ll have to pick something else!”

She laughed, the sound barely audible over the music. “Hey, you can do whatever you want.”

“No, I know,” I reassured her, shrugging. “I’ll just see what catches my eye.”

“I heard some are shimmery!” She exclaimed excitedly, practically jumping up and down as we made our way closer.

Her enthusiasm was infectious, I had to admit, my own eyes going wide at her description. “That sounds so pretty!” We were like two kids in a candy store, given permission by out parents to buy whatever we wanted.

Her grin only grew as we finally reached the area where the bags were sitting, her eyes drinking in every color option, considering each choice with equal time. Despite my earlier protest, my eyes were immediately drawn to the yellows. They stood out to me, their vibrant hues like little rays of sunlight, brightening my day without any effort whatsoever. I tapped my index finger against my lip, trying to decide just which shade of yellow to grab. Should I go for a darker, richer, gold, as lavish as the decorations around me, or a lighter, pastel yellow, shimmery and bright with hope?

I stopped my debate to look at Idalia, whose eyes were darting between about three different bags. “Do you know why yellow is my favorite color?”

She perked up, dragging her eyes away from the neutral tones she had been considering. “Because it’s happy to look at?”

“Because of what it symbolizes,” I answered, offering Idalia a small smile. “According to color theory, yellow represents optimism, joy, hope, intellect, and loyalty - all things I think we could use a little more of in life.” All things I could use a little more of right now.

It’d be fine, I reassured myself, as soon as I got a restful night of sleep. There would be more of those in the future, now that the craziness surrounding the ball was over. I’d have a bit more time to sleep, to relax, to talk with Arin.

It seemed like no matter what I did tonight, my thoughts went back to him.

Idalia flashed me an amused smile. “Ah, color theory. My dad was always fascinated by color psychology even if it’s a very niche subfield. Talking about it with my mom around was always fun.” That sounded like it was in character for her parents, for what she had told me of them. They sounded like lovely people, who it would be interesting to speak with, should I ever have the opportunity.

“What’s your favorite color?” I smiled, raising an eyebrow at Idalia as I settled on a bag of yellow powder the color of daffodils - my favorite shade of yellow. It wasn’t as dark and powerful as gold, but wasn’t as soft and washed out as paler shades of yellow.

She made her way over to powder bags containing more shimmery tones, smiling as she looked down upon them. “It’s been a while since I’ve been asked that one. What’s your guess?”

Biting down on the inside of my cheek, I narrowed my eyes at her, as if I’d be able to see the answer on her face if looked heard enough. She wasn’t a red, or a blue - that much was for sure. Definitely a warmer color, but not yellow. That left one answer. “Based on color theory, I’m going to go with orange, because it represents warmth, fire, energy, and excitement, and you’re exemplary of all of those things.”

“Orange is at the top for sure,” she replied with a grin, picking up a bag of pearl white shimmery powder, flecked with pieces of fuscia and blue, “but if I really had to pick, I would say gold.”

Of course an Olympian athlete would say something along those lines. With a smile, I responded, “I can see that. I suppose your future Olympic gold will fit in well with the rest of your home decor when you have your own place to decorate, then.”

She laughed, dragging me by the wrist, away from the crowd of people trying to get powder for themselves as well. “I don’t know if I would go for gold decor but glad that’s where your mind is going. I’m a women of simple tastes.”

“I can also see that,” I admitted, humming thoughtfully to myself as she pulled me further into the room. “All I wanted in terms of decorations for my dream apartment was plants.”

“I haven’t even thought about moving out of my family’s home yet,” she admitted, her tone more amused than sad. That was good. I didn’t want Idalia to be sad. She was always so cheery and happy. I admired that about her.

“I thought I had a good two years, at least, until I left home,” I stated, absentmindedly smiling. I had imagined taking my college graduation photos on our front porch steps, side by side with June. I’d have been there for Randall’s high school graduation, and all of the events surrounding it. I could’ve even driven him home from his first college party, if he had stayed local as well, which I was pretty confident he would. My entire childhood was tied to that house, from the stairs I had tumbled down as a toddler, to the small bedroom where I had whispered my dreams into the dark, to the attic that contained a mystery that I’d likely never solve, now that I knew I wasn’t going back.

How long had I been zoned out for? I snapped back to the present, smiling wider at Idalia now, repeating what I’d told Clemence earlier tonight. “I’m glad this kicked me out the door a little earlier, though. I think I’ve learned more in these past few months than I ever have before.”

Her smile faltered, and she asked, “Is everything alright back home?”

The question caught me off guard. Without a real answer to give her, I sighed. “I think so? We FaceTimed today, and everyone looks well, but I did have an odd phone call with my father a few weeks ago.” I shook my head, looking down for a moment before meeting Idalia’s gaze again, this time forcing myself to smile. “I’m probably just overthinking it, don’t worry!”

She ignored my request, and frowned, definitely worrying. “Is he concerned for you?”

“He seemed like he was, but I was more concerned as to what he was doing in the lab at two in the morning.” I closed my eyes, shaking my head in a short, rapid motion at the memory of the phone call. When I reopened my eyes, I looked at Idalia, waving my hand through the air in a dismissive gesture. “Seriously, don’t worry about it though! That’s my job,” I finished, nudging her with my shoulder, hoping the playful gesture would ease her worries.

She didn’t seem convinced, but luckily for me, the countdown to midnight started right then. We joined the crowd, practically squealing with excitement as we screamed along with the countdown, out voices lost in the cacophony of shouts around us. As soon as we hit the end of the countdown, I looked over at her, throwing most of my powder into the air, being sure to save a small amount in my bag. I looked up, watching the different colors descend back down upon us all like a tangible rainbow dissolving after. It was magical, in every sense of the word. I was beyond glad that I had stayed for this, instead of calling it a night early.

I turned to Idalia again, a mischevious grin spreading across my face as I reached for the remaining powder in my bad, flicking it towards her. She gasped in response, glaring at me as she flung her own remaining powder at my chest.

I could only laugh as I crumpled my now empty bag in my hands, shaking my head just to watch some of the powder drift down, out of my hair. “Thank you,” I began, turning to Idalia once more, “for keeping me company at this point, when I know there’s other people you probably would have loved to throw powder at.”

“I came to throw the powder with you because I wanted to!” She looked downright offended that I’d suggested otherwise.

“Well, thank you nonetheless.” I offered her the biggest smile I could muster, though it wasn’t much. I hugged her once more, waiting until I had pulled away to add, “I think I’m going to call it a night. I’m dead tired.”

“Alright,” she conceded, smiling back at me as she pulled away. “Do you need me to come along? I can come back right after.”

“Only if you want to. You by no means have to,” I answered with a shrug. Idalia was too nice to be true. How had I found such a good friend?

“I don’t know if I trust you to make it back,” she admitted, hooking her arm through mine. “I’ll take you back.”

We were silent the rest of the way back to my room, pausing only long enough for me to hug her goodnight before she turned back the way we had came. As soon as I was inside of my room, Julia, Christina, and Grace were all on their feet, rushing towards me to help me undress, to assist in removing my makeup and contact lenses, and, of course, to ask for more details about my night. I gave them as much as I could bear, watching their face light up when I had mentioned dancing with Arin, in particular. They knew just how hopeless I was, and I think they sort of loved me for it, somehow.

I frowned as I looked in the mirror, noticing just how covered in glitter I was. “Should I shower before getting into bed? I’d hate to make you have to wash glitter out of my sheets tomorrow, but I am exhausted.”

“I’m sure,” Julia said, crossing her arms once she had handed off my dress to Grace. “How much sleep did you get last night?”

I just shook my head, exhaling heavily through my nose. “Not much, but still, I can stay up the extra fifteen minutes it’d take me to shower. I’d hate to create more work for you.”

“Nonsense!” she scolded, ushering me towards my bed, going as far to pull back the sheets to make it easier for me to get in. “If you made any less work for us, we’d all be out of a job!”

“I just have one last thing to do, then,” I decided, sidestepping around her, and then walking towards my desk and pulling out a piece of paper. I had planned earlier on on writing Arin a note, to send tomorrow or later in the week, depending on my own schedule, and I’d be darned if I was going to forget to do it.

The note itself only took me a minute to write, though I didn’t pay close attention to my diction, or the legibility of my handwriting, too eager to get into bed to bother with that.

Arin,

Do you have any spare time to talk, this week, maybe? I’d like to clear the air. I’m genuinely very sorry if anything I said at the ball upset you - not that this is any excuse, but I had five glasses of champagne on maybe two and a half hours of sleep (if that), and didn’t stop to think about how bad of an idea that might be. Though, I think I was only three glasses of champagne in when I danced with you, but my point still stands. I had no intention of worrying you, and again, am truly sorry if I did.

I’d also like more details, if possible. I was a tad too afraid to ask deeper questions at the ball, what with all the people and cameras around. It didn’t feel like the right time or place for it.

Sincerely,

Evalin

P.S. - in case I wasn’t clear, I like your nickname for me.

Julia watched as I wrote, sighing as I stuck the note against the screen of my open laptop, to ensure that I’d see it tomorrow and remember to send it. “Now, bed,” she commanded as soon as I had finished.

Too tired to argue, I just smiled in response, slowly maneuvering myself under the covers as Grace and Christina crossed the bedroom, making their way to the door. As soon as they were out, Julia flicked the light switch, whispering, “Goodnight, Evalin,” before leaving the room herself, and shutting the door behind her.

Sleep took me instantly.

It was dark. From where I lay in the backseat of June’s car, the only light I could see came from the taillights of the car in front of us. I remembered seeing stars when we had arrived at the party, but I couldn't now. Her stupid car roof was in the way, too busy shielding us from the rain that wouldn’t stop hitting it to let us see the stars. Logically, I knew we wouldn’t have been able to see a lot of the stars anyway, with the rain clouds blocking them, but I would have liked to see some. I would have liked to see that stupid lopsided parallelogram that my grandfather loved so dearly.

I laughed. Everything was funny to me, especially the way that neither June nor Lukas found anything funny. “We’re going to have to stop for gas,” Lukas said from the passenger seat in the front, which was funny. We hadn’t driven far - only the twenty minutes to campus - and June had had more than enough gas on the way there. Where had her gas gone? Maybe it had grown legs and had walked away, and there was a big gasoline man walking through campus right now. That would be funny.

“Shit, really?” June asked through gritted teeth. I closed my eyes as she changed lanes, likely to pull into a gas station. I didn’t open them again until we had pulled up to a pump, the faded white and green coloring that I could see through the window letting me know that we must be at the twenty-four hour Gasoline Haven about fifteen minutes from my house.

Fuck. My house. My parents. “June, I can’t go home like this,” I groaned. I was so very, stupidly, foolishly drunk. How many shots had I taken? I’d lost count after eight. I doubted I’d remember this tomorrow. That was not funny. Why the fuck had I done this, and how was I still even alive?

“I know,” she reassured me, turning around in the driver's seat to face me as Lukas got out of the car, walking around to the gas pumps. “You can stay with me tonight, like you told your parents you were doing originally.”

I nodded, offering her a toothy grin as I pushed myself into a sitting position. “That’s why I love you.”

She smiled in return, opening her mouth like she was about to respond, only to be cut off my a sharp rap at the driver’s side window. She rolled it down, listening to Lukas as he yelled something, his voice completely drowned out by the rain, for me. “Fuck, okay,” June said, swearing more as she fumbled with her seatbelt, “I’ll go inside and pay.” With that, she exited the car, the annoying beeping noise signalling that she hadn’t closed her door all the way.

The sound of the rain got louder as her footsteps retreated, and the door to my left opened. I laughed as Lukas leaned into the car, bracing his forearms on the seat and smiling at me. I smiled right back, blinking slowly as I said, “Well, hello there.”

He said nothing. While my eyes were closed, he must’ve leaned forward, because the next thing I knew, his lips were on mine, strong and frantic, and all wrong. My eyes flew open, but all I could do was watch, and try to say something, anything, but my words were swallowed by his mouth. I was paralyzed, whether by fear or drunkenness, I didn’t know. I couldn’t lift my arms, to shove him away, and I couldn’t back away myself, not without opening the car door and allowing myself to tumble onto the wet pavement.

I stared at him in shock as he pulled away, instinctively attempting to bring my knees to my chest. I couldn’t unscramble my thoughts quickly enough to form a coherent sentence. Only one word rang through my mind. “Bad.”

“Why won’t you admit that you love me?” he asked, smirking, something sparkling in his eyes as he looked at me. I didn’t like it. I wanted him to go away. This was not funny.

I shook my head, trying my hardest to get the right words out of my mouth. “I don’t love you. I definitely don’t love what you just did.”

He raised his eyebrows, as if I had somehow challenged him, inviting him to rise to the occasion and prove me wrong. Except, I wasn’t wrong. I was never wrong. He was wrong. Something about him had always been wrong.

This was wrong.

“Would you like me to try something different?”

“No.” I shook my head again, but the gesture meant nothing to him, and he came in for another kiss. I tried to kick him away, but the motion seemed to do nothing. He was completely undeterred.

I heard footsteps splashing against the pavement as he pulled away. June’s voice cut through the noise of the rain. “What are you doing back there?” June would help me. June always helped me.

“Making sure she has her seatbelt on, now that she’s sitting up,” Lukas answered, reaching for the seatbelt as he spoke, slowly dragging his fingers diagonally across my chest as he made to fasten the buckle.

This couldn’t be happening. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be real. Lukas would never.

“She said she wants to stay at my house tonight,” Lukas announced as he got back into the passenger seat of the car. I hadn’t said that. This was not funny in the slightest.

“No,” June told him, but I knew he mustn’t understand that word. Hadn’t I told him no? He had heard me, and had kissed me again anyway. Despite being blackout drunk, I knew with clear certainty that I was lucky it had stopped there, that June had come back just then. “She has to stay at my place, or her parents will worry, and we’ll all be busted. Besides, I’m the nursing major. I’ll handle this.”

All I could feel was the chill of the car window against my forehead. All I wanted to do was forget about this.

Maybe it was a good thing I was blackout drunk.

I awoke in a cold sweat, my mouth open as if I was screaming silently, my breathing rapid and shallow. Reaching for my phone, I clicked the power button, the time blinding me as the device flashed to life. Four o’clock. It looked like it would be yet another, almost sleepless night for me, then.

#selectionoc

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trblhalfmoon · 6 years ago

Text

Trick or Treat

count: 8,504

Summary: You run into an old friend in the least likely way you’d expect.

A/N: This was supposed to be a fic I was trying to put out before Halloween but I procrastinated so hard and now it’s coming out a few weeks before christmas lmao regardless, it’s a Dean fic and we all know the world needs more of those lol im not entirely satisfied with the way it came out but i really just wanted to get it out there, so hope you all enjoy!

_______________________________________________________

You return home from a grueling trip to the local mart with a bag full of mini sized chocolate bars. Your roommate, Kim Taehyung, glances up from where he’s sprawled on the couch and immediately gets up to steal the bag, ripping one open and popping a snickers into his mouth.

“What took you so long?” he asks, mouth full of chocolate.

“I told you to stop talking with your mouth full,” you remove your jacket as you catch him rolling his eyes. “And save those for the trick or treaters!”

You snatch the bag back from him and pour it into an empty bowl by the door. “You’re the one who insisted we needed candy for tonight,” you swat away his hand as he attempts to reach for another piece. “I never would have thought Halloween to be a big deal around here if you hadn’t said anything.”

“Yep,” he heads back to the couch. “Whoever said it was a dying holiday has never lived around these parts.”

It’s true, for the most part your parent’s neighborhood was full of grown-up kids too occupied with parties and functions to be wrapped up in the act of going door to door for free candy. It’s only been a few months since you’ve moved into your new apartment, but you’ve yet to meet any of your neighbors and you can’t deny your curiosity.

“Anyway, check out the list of movies I’ve chosen,” your roommate waves his phone in the air calling you over.

“Tae,” you give him a look after reading the first couple titles, “these are all horror movies.”

He scoffs as if it should be obvious. “Duh, it’s Halloween.”

You raise a brow, “Are you sure you’re down? You’re not exactly…”

“Not exactly what?” He asks, full attention now on you.

“You’re a big softie,” you return his phone, retreating into the kitchen to make some popcorn before he can launch a pillow at you. You can’t help but laugh as he loudly protests from the couch.

_______________________________________________________

“Ahhhh!”

You drop a handful of popcorn in reflex to your roommate’s shrill scream, ready to berate him before he bursts out laughing.

“Taehyung, do you have to yell every time the doorbell rings?” you roll your eyes.

He shoots you a pointed look but you only throw a piece of popcorn at him. “What do you expect, it’s a horror movie!”

You shake your head in response, “Go get that, it’s your turn.”

He reluctantly gets up from the couch as you pause the movie and scroll on your phone. You can hear yelling coming from outside and a lot of laughter, but you think nothing of it until it takes him seconds too long to return.

You peek down the hallway to see him standing at the door, hands on his hips and irritation in his voice. “Yah, aren’t you too old to be trick or treating?”

“Come on bro, hook us up!” an unfamiliar male’s voice sings from the other side of the entrance.

You decide to round the corner and poke your head out from behind your roommate, curious to catch a glimpse of the cause of trouble.

“No way! Sup, dude!”

Taehyung looks between you and the trick or treater, his friend’s arm slung around his neck as he supports the majority of his weight.

“Dean? I didn’t know you live around here,” you exclaim.

You give him a once over; he looks just as good as ever.

“Not me, I’m here with this loser,” he motions to his friend whose arm is slung around his shoulder.

“HI! I’m Zico!” the other male greets a little too loudly and clearly drunk.

“You deal with them,” Taehyung turns away already disinterested. “I’m going back to the movie.”

“Sorry about him,” you offer once he’s out of earshot, not quite sure what you’re apologizing for.

“You better be, he won’t give us candy!” Zico slurs angrily.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you apologize again while reaching for the bowl behind the door.

“Don’t be,” Dean laughs as you hand them fist fulls of candy. “We actually already got some, Zico just wanted more.”

Zico leans forward to stroke your chin before parading off in a loud commotion. “Thanks for the hook up, baby girl!”

Dean shakes his head and laughs and you take this quick moment to study him. His cheeks are a rosy pink, eyes squinting with excitement as he calls after his friend. You can tell he’s buzzed too, but the thing that catches your attention is what you remember the most.

He smells exactly as you remembered. An intoxicatingly sweet and forbidden smell that used to make your head spin. It’s mixed with traces of alcohol and cigarettes, but you don’t miss it as he lingers at your front door.

“Well, it was nice seeing you,” you smile at him while reaching for the door.

“Wait,” he calls out, giving you his crinkly-eyed smile you remember so well. “Zico’s place is a couple complexes down. There’s a party going on right now if you’re interested.”

“Oh, I don’t know... I’m marathoning horror movies with my roommate,” you hesitate, very much wanting to say yes.

Dean only smiles back. “Apartment 130 if you change your mind.”

Just like that he’s gone, chasing after his friend who you can hear laughing the next complex over. You sigh, closing the door to return to Taehyung who you find peeking around the corner having watched the whole exchange.

“So?” he asks curiously, eyes following you back to your seat on the couch.

“So?” you thoughtlessly return his question as you reach for the remote.

“Are you serious?” he laughs, jumping over the backrest to snatch the remote from your hand. “The sexual tension was so palpable I could feel it down the hallway.”

You take a moment to check if he’s being serious. “You are crazy.”

“What’s so crazy about it? You two obviously have history.”

“We used to work together a couple years ago.”

“That’s it?”

You pause before you answer. Taehyung takes your hesitation as a sign and scoots closer to you on the couch. The tv screen is still frozen, movie long forgotten from Dean’s unexpected reappearance after all these years.

“We were coworkers at an old lab I used to work for. We weren’t really close, maybe you could consider us friends...but that’s really only because I saw him everyday at work.”

“So you guys were never a thing?” Taehyung seems determined to fish for more info.

“No,” you respond with an eye roll having to answer the same question for the third time. “We were both in relationships. Besides, all the girls at work would fight for his attention. I didn’t want any part in that.”

“But there was obviously something there,” he offers. “Take it as you want, but I’m an outsider looking in. So if someone like me can see that, then obviously you can’t because you’re biased.”

You take a second to process his words but it’s no use. “I don’t know, Taehyung.”

“Do you like him?”

His question throws you off guard. “I mean, he’s cool and everything.”

Now it’s Taehyung’s turn to roll his eyes. “That’s not what I mean.”

“I don’t know. I remember feeling...guilty all the time after working with him. Don’t take it the wrong way, nothing ever happened! I’m just not sure what it was about him back then,” you quickly add after Taehyung gives you an accusing look.

“It sounds like a mini crush or something,” he offers. “But you were obviously conflicted because you were both in relationships.”

“I don’t even want to call it that,” you close your eyes remembering the guilt.

“What was it about him?” your roommate gets comfortable on the couch crossing his feet into your lap as he leans against the armrest.

“I don’t know...he smelled good.”

Taehyung bursts out laughing, “Seriously?”

“Shut up,” you defend yourself while throwing a pillow aimed for his face to which he clumsily dodges. “It was so...intoxicating.”

“Well i’m sure there’s more,” Taehyung prods you through fits of laughter.

“He’s funny, nice, and he was really...flirty,” you add remembering all the times you attempted to flirt back; memories you have trained yourself to suppress.

“Even though he had a girlfriend at the time?” Taehyung asks to which you nod. “Did he ever talk about her?”

You think for a moment, “Now that you mention it...no, I don’t think I’ve ever heard from his mouth that he had one. But all the girls would always talk about her.”

Taehyung cocks a brow and smiles something sinister. “Sounds like a fuck boy.”

You uneasily return his smile. That was the talk of all the girls back then; Dean seemed to always love the attention he got from everyone. Almost as if he knew exactly what he was doing. Were you just one of the many victims stupid enough to fall for it?

You’ve always wanted to say you weren’t, that his charisma and charm had no effect on you, but you know that’s a lie. Even though nothing had ever happened between you two, you know being around him had messed with your mind, whether you knew the reason or not. Feeling excited whenever you saw your names together on the schedule, disappointment when he called out sick or didn’t show up to work…

“So are you gonna go?” Taehyung asks, pulling you from your thoughts.

“No way,” you wave him off. “I already told him I had plans.”

Your roommate snorts, “We can do this anytime. Don’t worry about me, I won’t be offended if you ditch me for Dean.”

The thought of going to the party alone only knowing one person there is enough to refuse the offer. Your roommate watches you closely from across the couch.

“Will you come with me?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” the male literally bounces from his seat. “Let’s ditch these movies and go have fun!”

_______________________________________________________

You knew this was a bad idea from the start. Already an hour into the party and Taehyung seems to have wandered off in a claim to grab you both drinks. Knowing the social butterfly that he is, he’s probably already befriended half of the people here.

You’ve never been to a halloween party before, so you weren’t entirely sure what to expect. Taehyung assured you that everyone dresses up for these things, but you feel slightly out of place in your red suspenders and blue shorts. You’ve long ditched your pokeball and squirtle plushie, hiding it in your bag in an attempt to look more dressed down. Taehyung had come as a ninja, but even then, his all black attire could easily pass as a normal outfit.

“Misty! Where’s your Ash?” someone slurs at you from behind.

You’re making your way outside to the back when you’re stopped in the kitchen by someone you don’t know. Unsure of what to say, you offer a nervous laugh and drop your gaze to your new acquaintance.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before,” a cute, petite brunette peers at you through round spectacles.

She’s wearing a black robe with Gryffindor’s emblem patched onto the right side with a matching red and gold tie. She’s mastered the messy-bun, loose strands of hair falling along her forehead and dancing along her neatly kept eyebrows right above her fake glasses. You notice her cheeks a burning red and a huge smile on her face; she’s clearly drunk.

“Nice costume,” you try to deflect, feeling a slimmer of hope when her eyes grow wide in appreciation.

“Thanks! I’m Brooke, who are you?”

“______,” you extend your hand to which she takes too long to return the gesture, eventually giving you a weak, sloppy shake.

“I’m looking for…” she furrows her brow, the struggle on her face evident as she tries to remember the person of interest.

“Hey, you made it!”

Another person in similar garment as Brooke comes beside you with a big grin on his face. He studies your costume, eyebrows raised, and it takes everything in you not to squirm under his gaze.

“Hi Dean,” you reply meekly, surprised by his again sudden reappearance.

He takes a quick glance at Brooke before addressing you and turning on his heel towards the backdoor, “This calls for a beer!”

You briefly catch a glimpse of the patch on the front of his robe, Slytherin, different than it’s Gryffindor counterpart but still similar enough to imply that the two are -

“Dean, wait!” Brooke calls after him, scuttling around you without a second thought and leaving you standing in the middle of the kitchen alone.

“This was stupid,” you mutter to yourself as you make your way back into the living room to find Taehyung.

You spot the blonde headed boy, much too comfortable on the couch with an unknown redhead sitting on his lap. Leave it up to Taehyung to seduce a random stranger. He’s whispering something in her ear, but you have no shame to intrude as you stand directly before them, eyes trained on him.

The female is quick to display her annoyance with your intrusion, eyeing you up and down before Taehyung finally gives you his attention. He grabs her waist when she makes the motions to leave and you catch him whispering, “It’s okay, that’s just my friend.”

��Tae, we need to go,” you roll your eyes at his demoting comment. “This was a terrible idea.”

“I don’t think so,” he turns his attention back to the girl, giving her ass a playful squeeze as she giggles in response.

“Taehyung,” you try for his attention one more time, adding urgency to your voice.

“Have you seen Dean yet?” Taehyung asks, distracted as he nips at the female’s jawline.

“You know Dean?” the red-headed female pipes up. “If you’re looking for him, he’s most likely with Brooke. They’ve been fighting all night.”

This snaps Taehyung out of his spell as he finally gives you his full attention. You try to hide the hurt look on your face but it’s too late and he’s seen it seconds before you replace it with a smile.

“Thanks, but i’m not looking for him. I’m going to head out now,” you respond to no one in particular.

You make it halfway to the door before someone grabs your wrist and spins you around. Your blond headed roommate stares back at you, sympathy in his eyes as he grips you.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have insisted we come,” he entwines his fingers around yours in apology.

You look down at your joined hands and back at the redhead on the couch whose mouth is agape with shock. To anyone else Taehyung’s actions would be suggestive, but this is normal of your friendship. You’ve both always been comfortable in your skinship knowing it’s entirely platonic.

“It’s okay,” you try to supress your disappointment, unable to get the image of Brooke and Dean’s matching robes out of your head. “It’s not like we could have known.”

“Let’s get out of here, yeah?” Taehyung soothes the back of your hand with strokes of his thumb.

“You don’t have to leave because of me, Tae. I shouldn’t have interrupted you,” you glance back at the couch with a pang of guilt.

“I came along because of you, dummy,” he bumps his forehead against yours. “Besides, she wasn’t that great of a kisser anyway.”

You stifle a laugh as you watch the red-head stomp out of the room. Hands still entwined, the two of you make your way towards the exit with you leading the way, almost making it out the door only to run right into Dean’s chest.

“Ow,” you rub your forehead before you can process what happened.

“Leaving already?” Dean smiles apologetically, two beers in hand and Brooke nowhere in sight.

Taehyung reflexively moves in front of you as if to push past him. “Yep, thanks for the invite,” he greets hum curtly.

Dean stares down at your hands and raises his eyebrows. His smile diminishes slightly but he continues to block the exit. “Not without a drink first,” he insists.

You hesitate, unsure whether to take the offer but Taehyung decides for you. He pushes past Dean and drags you alongside him with a quick, “No thanks, we have to get going.”

Your shoulder brushes against Dean and you freeze. You’re overcome with his presence again, inhaling that sweet, mysterious scent you’ve grown so fond of and quickly inebriating yourself. Taehyung senses your hesitation and tries to pull on your arm again, but it’s too late.

“Actually Tae, go ahead...I think i’m gonna stay a bit longer,” you stare at Dean before you have a chance to really think about what you’re doing.

Dean’s smile returns full scale while Taehyung gapes at you in disbelief. “A-are you sure?” he tugs you closer to whisper, knowing just as well as you that this is a bad idea.

“Yeah, maybe just an hour or something,” you’ve already let go of his hand at this point.

Your roommate knows it’s pointless to talk you out of it; you’ve already made up your mind but he lingers, clearly conflicted about your decision.

“Be careful,” he whispers one more time before turning to leave.

Dean doesn’t waste another minute as he hands you the beer, clinking his bottle against it in a silent cheer. You take a gulp as you watch him take several swigs from his bottle; watching his adam’s apple bob up and down at the motion, following the trail of the tattoo on his neck to his jawline and moving further to his lips that are wrapped tightly around the bottle…

You suddenly feel dizzy and try to distract yourself with more gulps of your beer. You have to avert your gaze somewhere else when you’re unable to get the inappropriate thoughts out of your head.

“So whatcha been up to?” Dean asks as he chucks his empty bottle into a nearby trash can.

“Not much really, just taking some time off work,” you tuck a loose strand behind your ear. “How bout you?”

“Same. I’ve been keeping myself busy though,” he’s all smiles. Just like you remember.

A few moments of silence pass and you shift on your feet uncomfortably. It’s been so long, you’re not sure what to talk about, so you try your luck with small talk.

“So, Slytherin?” you motion at the green patch stitched onto his robe. Unlike Brooke, he is sans a tie, wearing only a black t-shirt with black fitted jeans.

“Yup,” is his only response. You deflate a little; you were hoping to get more out of him about his matching outfit. “So, Misty?”

To be honest, this was the only thing you could throw together in the short amount of time you had to prepare. But you don’t want to tell him that.

“Just cause,” you shrug, trying to sound cooler than you actually feel. You take a swig of your beer.

“I don’t remember Misty looking so cute,” he adds nonchalantly.

You almost choke. As he keeps his smiling gaze on you, you have to remind yourself that he’s always been this way. Nothing has changed; he’s still the same, overconfident flirt that you remember.

“You’re the same as ever,” you laugh in an attempt to lighten the mood, but he doesn’t respond. He only continues to look at you with the same smile plastered on his face. You avert your gaze and can’t help but to curse yourself...especially over the fact that he still has such a dramatic effect on you.

Dean’s phone buzzes and he quickly checks his screen. You note the way his smile fades for half a second before he flashes another one at you that doesn’t quite touch his eyes.

“How bout we ditch this party?”

“Wait, what?” you nervously play with your suspenders.

“Yeah?” he cocks his eyebrow again as if asking for the second time.

“Um, sure,” you can feel yourself losing your confidence as Taehyung’s words ring in your ears...be careful…

_______________________________________________________

“And then she just asked me out for lunch out of nowhere,” Dean laughs as he recounts a story from your time at the lab together.

He takes a puff from his cigarette, his third one since you both left the party and ended up in an empty lot by the pier. It was a quick twenty minute drive back to your hometown, by the river trail near your old lab. It’s almost fitting that this is the place you would both end up for the night.

“So what happened after?” you turn away as he blows another puff; you were never fond of the cigarettes.

“Well I went and it was chill, but we both ended up coming in late that day,” he flicks the cigarette stub to the ground and you watch the dying embers glow against the darkness.

You smile faintly at the memory. There was a lot of disappointment that day when you saw the two of them walking in together an hour past their shift time.

“It was fun and everything, but Emily isn’t my type,” he adds as if reading your mind.

“Oh? You have a type?” you scoot your knees closer to your chest as you re-adjust yourself away from the cold.

Dean has the trunk of his car popped open and the two of you share the space in the back as you catch up in the dark.

“Don’t you?” he responds with a laugh. “Everyone has a type.”

You think back to your exes, most of them from high school or having met through mutual friends, but you can’t seem to find any underlying trait that would indicate a preferred type.

“I have a thing for bad boys,” you joke, almost making it through the statement before laughing.

“Oh yeah?” Dean’s brows perk.

But you wave him off, not wanting it to escalate in a direction you’re not prepared for, “So what’s your type?”

He answers immediately, “Fun, doesn’t take everything so seriously, down for anything.”

“Down for anything?” you ask curiously, unable to stop yourself from thinking about Brooke.

“Yup,” Dean responds after a short pause from digging through his pocket, “Wanna blow?”

“Excuse me?” you turn to look at him, clearly caught off guard.

He waves a small, glass pipe in front of you and a modest bag of shredded weed.

Your mouth forms an “O” in understanding and Dean raises his brows, “What did you think I meant?”

“Don’t worry about it,” you laugh while taking the pipe and examining it in your hands.

“You down?” he tries again.

“I’ve...never done it before actually.”

“Swear?” your answer seems to shock him.

“Why does that surprise you?” you shift again, crossing your legs to get a better view as he takes the pipe back to begin his work.

He only chuckles and shakes his head as he packs the substance into the small bowl, pushing it down lightly with his thumb before reaching once more into his pocket to pull out a lighter. He offers it to you and you take it without another thought as he instructs on what to do next.

“Cover that small hole on the side with your finger and inhale as I light it.”

You nod, doing what he says as you wrap your lips around the top, covering the hole by the side of the bowl with your thumb. He takes a moment to stare at you like this, before quickly snapping out of it and flicking his thumb against the lighter.

A couple sparks shoot out, but you can see small, glowing embers as you remember to inhale. You take a long drag, not sure what is effective before having to turn away to cough out a fit of smoke.

“Slow down,” Dean laughs as he takes the pipe from your hands. “You don’t have to take such big hits. Take it easy since it’s your first time.”

He takes his own hit, effortlessly blowing out smoke in neatly packed circles.

“Woah, how are you doing that?” you ask between coughs. The smoke burns your throat, but coughing only seems to irritate it more.

“It’s gonna be a long way till you’re able to do that,” he responds after taking another hit.

You watch closely as he shapes his lips into a tight ring, but shy away when he blows another circle into your face.

“Show off,” you mutter as you take the bowl back. “Let me try again.”

He lights the bowl for you as you focus this time on not inhaling as hard, and you blow out quickly, forming the same ring with your lips. To no surprise, no circles come out.

Dean laughs hysterically at your attempt to imitate him and you swat his arm as you join him. Despite the lingering irritation in your throat, you feel slightly lax, not worrying as much about saying something stupid or looking dumb in front of him.

The both of you sit there in comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s presence. He leans back, resting against the back seats, and in the process his shoulder brushes against yours and he keeps it there. The contact doesn’t seem to bother him though as he closes his eyes in the pure bliss of his high.

You, on the other hand, are a mess. Unsure if it’s the the effect of the drug, your heart and thoughts are racing. You’ve never made physical contact before. During your time working together in the lab, he’s always kept a big enough distance between you two, but this is really the first time you’ve had direct contact.

In a panic, you take the pipe from him and take a few small puffs to wisp away any unpleasant (or pleasant) thoughts from your mind.

Dean watches you in silence for a few moments before speaking, and you almost jump out of your skin. His voice sounds much more deeper and raspier than what you’re used to.

“Wanna try something?”

“Sure,” you’re surprised at how different your own voice sounds.

“Ever heard of shotgunning?”

“I...well...yeah,” you can feel the panic returning and rising in your chest.

But before you have a chance to backpedal, Dean brings the pipe to his lips and inhales, leaning in closer until he’s inches from your face. He looks at you expectantly but you can only stare back, wide eyed and unsure if you can handle this.

The male quickly turns away and blows out a trail of smoke, clearing his throat with a cough from having held it in for too long.

“S-sorry,” you mutter, grateful that it’s too dark for him to see your pink cheeks.

He only shakes his head and chuckles, “We can try again.”

This time, he waits for your response. You want this. You can feel it through your body; every part of you is screaming for it, already drowning in his smell, his voice, his presence. Without another moment of hesitation, you slowly nod.

With another inhale, Dean leans in and you close the gap, closing your eyes as you anticipate physical contact. His lips are warm and you only have a few seconds to properly feel him before he’s blowing smoke into your mouth.

It feels like he backs away faster than you can process and it takes everything in you not to chase after him. You turn away slightly, slowly exhaling as Dean watches you through hooded lids. You’re dying to know what’s going on in his mind right now.

Electric sparks shoot through your body as you stare back. There’s definitely no going back.

“Why-”

Dean’s ringtone cuts you off. It takes him a second too long to realize it’s his, but he fishes for his phone and stares at the screen for a good minute, allowing the call to ring out. You watch as he turns it off and flings it into the back seat, only to return back to his original position, leaning against the backseats and closing his eyes.

It takes a lot out of you to keep from staring at him; you should probably have noticed the signs - he’s been dodging any contact on his phone for the whole night but you’re much too high to process any of it. You try to shift from your seat to make yourself more comfortable but panic when your body feels too heavy to move.

“I feel really weird,” you blink rapidly as if trying to snap out of it.

Dean partly opens his eyes to study you before offering a nonchalant, “ You’re high, relax and enjoy it.”

“Are you supposed to feel so disoriented?” you plop your head back against the back seats beside him, not realizing when you fall slightly against his chest. But he doesn’t seem to mind.

Laying back like this, you feel lighter and lighter as each minute passes. All your worries and thoughts begin to dissipate and for once in a long time, your mind is completely empty. You close your eyes, enjoying the motion of the rise and fall of Dean’s chest and don’t even notice that he’s gotten completely quiet. You slip off into light slumber, comforted by the warmth of your newfound companion.

_______________________________________________________

You have no idea what time it is when you wake. Despite the chilled night air, you are surprisingly warm and it takes you a minute to realize where you are once you open your eyes.

“Sup,” Dean smiles in amusement as you come to your senses.

The drugs are now only slightly present but have left behind a hazy fog in your head. You’re lying in the passenger’s seat, the chair fully reclined while Dean sits in the back, looking up from his phone as you try to rise.

“Oh fuck, I’m so sorry,” you try to move but he only shakes his head and laughs as you collapse again from the sudden weight of your body.

“Why do I feel so heavy?” you groan.

“Probably the weed,” he watches you in amusement as you open and close your hands in an attempt to take control back.

“How’re you feeling?” your voice sounds strained.

“I feel great,” Dean sighs with a smile. “Crazy night, huh?”

You’re not quite sure what to make of the situation. Dean is staring at you but you’re too embarrassed to make eye contact, all the while your body too stiff and heavy to comfortably move.

“How long until this wears off, anyway?” you roll over onto your stomach, feeling self conscious when he doesn’t break eye contact.

“Depends on the person. You alright?” he asks as you hear him shifting in the backseat.

“I think so, just a little heav-”

You freeze. Dean’s reaches over and gently threads a hand through your hair, combing through your strands in one, slow stroke.

“D-Dean?”

“Just relax.”

You do anything but that. This is the second time you’ve made physical contact with him and you almost want to kick yourself for how tripped up you are over that fact. You can only hope he can’t tell how much this affects you.

His strokes become slower and you have to keep yourself from moving when you realize he’s gently grabbing fistfuls of your hair and slightly tugging the strands. You can’t decide if it’s all in your head whether or not his movements are growing more sensual, so you instead focus on how good it feels.

After a few moments, his palm comes in contact with your neck and he smooths down your skin with slight pressure. A few moments of this motion and you can feel yourself relaxing, the tension in your limbs coming undone as you feel yourself turning to putty.

“Feel good?” You can’t see him, but you can tell he has a smirk on his face.

“Mm,” is all you manage to get out.

You hear him chuckling to himself as he shifts again in the back seat to move closer to you. His hand travels slowly down from your neck to your upper back, moving further down your spine before returning back up to repeat the motion.

“I’ve had to coax many people back to sober after their first high,” Dean laughs more to himself.

“Did they all get a killer massage too?”

“Only the ones I’ve liked,” he quips back.

You take this moment to look up and find him staring at you, a blank expression on his face.

“Dean…?” your stomach churns when he doesn’t respond for a few moments.

He reaches forward with the same expression and wraps his hand behind your neck.

“Dean, wait-”

“I’ve been wanting to do this for a very long time.”

He pulls you closer, stopping until your faces are inches apart, and looks into your eyes with silent permission.

“Will you let me?” he whispers when you don’t respond right away.

You dare to meet his gaze and give him a small nod. Then, as if afraid you’ll change your mind, he quickly closes the gap.

If you’re being completely honest with yourself, you’ve imagined this scene many times in the past. Never in your wildest thoughts would you expect it to ever happen, and in his car nonetheless.

He kisses you gently, his hand holding on to your neck lightly as if to keep you from leaving. All the while, you try to bring yourself back down to earth.

You are kissing Dean.

Despite all the times you’ve imagine this, it feels wrong. Brooke’s face surfaces in your mind and you freeze, pulling back before you realize it.

He doesn’t say anything, only offering you that same blank expression. You’re a little disappointed he doesn’t seem to be under the same spell you are from having just kissed; you are sure your cheeks are bright red.

“Dean I...” you hesitate, not wanting this to be the end of your time alone together. But you need to be sure there’s nothing standing in the way. “Something feels...wrong.”

“Wrong…?” he quirks a brow.

Maybe it’s the way he shifts closer to you or the way he’s staring at your lips that makes you second guess yourself, so you try again.

“I met Brooke.”

His eyes snap up to meet yours and you’re met with a curious stare that seemingly pierces through you. He doesn’t offer a response and it takes everything in your power to keep pushing. Was this a mistake?

“I don’t want to cause any problems for anyone.”

He inches forward again, hand reaching out to cup your cheek. “You have nothing to worry about.”

“Are you su-”

He puts a finger to your lips and laughs, “Stop worrying.”

He motions for you to join him in the back and you try to climb over the passenger seat onto the seat next to him. Instead, he grabs your arm and pulls you on top of him. You gasp as your heart jolts in your chest, but it only makes him laugh and the motion does interesting things to your bodies.

“We’ve made out already, why are you still so nervous?” he wraps an arm around your waist, the other finding its way back to your neck.

“I can’t help it,” you mutter, watching him as he studies your face.

“Do we need to smoke another bowl to chill you out?” he half jokes, but you’re quick to shake your head, not wanting to risk passing out again.

“Then kiss me,” he leans his head against the backrest waiting for you to initiate and raises his brows with a smug look on his face. God, he looks so good.

So you do. You wipe any thought or doubt from your mind, knowing that you can either trust him in this moment or walk away. And the way he’s holding you makes it near impossible for the latter.

Dean lets you kiss him slowly and softly before he runs his tongue across your bottom lip. You part your lips wider to let him in, but he instead takes your lip and sucks hard. You groan, the motion unexpected as he softly bites on the flesh and causes goosebumps up your arms.

He leaves your lips to trail towards your neck, sucking lightly just below your jawline. You place your hands on his shoulders, resting your head in the crook of his neck and intoxicate yourself with his smell. Before you can help it, you slide forward to try to get closer and just so happen to brush against his hardened length. He exhales from the contact, but continues to suck along your neck.

“Do that again,” he breaths between kisses.

Your face heats instantly but you’re quick to give him what he wants. You slide back and forth on his lap, giving you both some form of release and much needed friction. Dean’s hands slide down to your waste and guide you back and forth, and you take note with how he picks up the pace.

By this point, you’re both panting and wanting more. You continue to swivel your hips against him as he cups your face in both hands, bringing your foreheads together as he looks into your eyes. In the dim light, you can faintly see his blown out pupils as they threaten to cover the milky whites of his eyes and your heart jolts; he’s as fucked out as you are.

You run a hand down his chest, stopping at the hem of his jeans and he obliges right away. He gives you room to shift off his lap as you undo his belt and pants, bringing it to his knees as he lies back and watches you.

You bend down, keeping eye contact to gauge his reaction as you take him in your hand. With just a few pumps, he struggles to maintain eye contact as you focus on the tip, cupping your hands and running them down his full length.

He closes his eyes and you can’t help but feel self conscious. Despite it being just the two of you, you can’t help but wonder if he’s imagining someone else. Trying not to let these thoughts ruin the mood, you pause to pull the straps of your suspenders down and pull your shirt off.

It grabs his attention immediately. His eyes hungrily scavenge your bare skin as he sits up to pull you back onto his lap and pepper kisses along your chest. He wastes no time grabbing and massaging the exposed flesh, pulling your bra down to allow him access. You sigh in contentment once his attention is back on you and continue your work with him in your hands.

Your sensitive breasts hardened under his touch as he lightly sucks, swirling his tongue around the tip in an endless circle of pure bliss. You begin panting, and this only excites him more as he switches sides and sucks a little harder.

You can feel the aching need growing between your thighs, so you rub your legs together to give yourself some time. If you’re not careful, it would be too obvious to show him how badly you’ve been wanting this.

“Feel good?” he chuckles between kisses. He peeks up at you through hooded lids as you return a shy smile.

“Bet I can make you feel better,” you offer, tongue licking your lips. He’s quick to catch the motion.

“Oh yeah?” his brows quirk, eyes shimmering with mischief.

“Yeah,” you breathe seductively as you push him back down onto the seat.

He bites his lip as you slide down his body, kneeling in the small space and grabbing him in your hand. You give him a few pumps, maintaining eye contact as he dares to stare back, and you very slowly stick your tongue out to swipe the tip of his head. He shudders from the contact and it is only then you take him entirely into your mouth.

Dean lets out a breathy laugh, clearly flustered by your movements as you take your time with him. You wrap your lips tightly and hollow your cheeks out as you come up, making sure to swivel your tongue around his sensitive head.

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath as he tries to maintain eye contact. “You look so fucking hot right now.”

His words evoke a rush of adrenaline in you as your cheeks flush, only making you want to please him more. You come up at the tip, slowly wrapping your lips around the top as you’ve found it’s what gets the biggest reaction out of him, and slide as far down as you can until he hits the back of your throat.

You swallow on instinct, and for a moment you try not to gag as you watch Dean unfold beneath you. His breathing stutters as his eyes squeeze shut, hand flying to tug on your hair as the other rests on his forehead. He pulls your hair back and you get a better view of him, unhindered by your tangled strands, and the sight is enough to make your mouth water.

Beads of sweat trickle from his forehead, creating trails down his neck and wetting his hair. He’s never looked so good...and you are the cause of it all.

You swallow again and watch in fascination as his face twists in pleasure, breath stuttering and legs trembling as he reaches his high. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t high off the sights and sounds coming from him.

You don’t want it to end but you know it’s only a matter of minutes now. You retract towards the tip, focusing your efforts on the sensitive skin of the head as he curses and shakes beneath you.

He bites his bottom lip hard, provoking a throaty moan from you in response, the sight too overwhelming to bear, and it’s just the thing to send him toppling over the edge. Warmth fills your mouth and you quickly swallow, mostly on instinct, but you allow him to ride out his wave as you try not to gag from the saltiness.

You lean back against the door and lick your lips, wiping away the rest of the mess you both made. Dean takes a few moments to compose himself before pulling his pants back up and grabbing your arms to hoist you back onto his lap.

“Fuck, that was the hottest thing ever,” he rests his head in your chest, your bra still pushing your breasts up much to his delight.

He peppers more kisses along your collar bones and back to your neck as his hot breath fans your sensitive skin, sending shivers down your spine. His lips find your earlobe as he playfully nibbles, whispering into your ear, “Do I get a taste?”

It feels like all the breath leaves your body as he continues to suck hickeys onto your neck, marking the skin as if claiming what’s his. You would have been beyond satisfied with just having gotten him off that it didn’t occur to you that he would offer to return the favor.

You give him a small nod as he smiles, motioning you forward as he fumbles with the back seats to fold them down. He pats the back of the cushion and you climb on top, lying on your back as he runs his hands up your thighs.

“You won’t believe,” he kisses up your thigh, “how badly,” more kisses, “I’ve been wanting to do this.”

Maybe it’s the alcohol or the traces of weed, but your stomach is in knots from his confession. You can’t help but wonder at the truth of his words or if he’s just simply living in the moment. To save yourself from embarrassment, you decide not to ask. You’ve always been good at faking confidence in front of him anyway.

“Oh yeah?”

You’ve removed your bra by now and you prop yourself up on your elbows as you watch him carefully.

“Yeah,” he whispers as if imitating you from earlier. He kisses closer and closer to your center, all the while keeping eye contact.

In one smooth motion, he unbuttons your shorts and pulls them down your legs along with your underwear and tosses them to the front seat. You are now completely naked in front of Dean.

He takes this moment to sit back, admiring the way you look spread out for him, exposed and vulnerable. He smiles, the famed cocky smile you’ve seen him do many times when talking with the girls at work, and you can’t help but wonder what’s going through his mind. Is this his way of celebrating his victory?

Before your conscience has a chance to eat away at you, Dean swoops in and wipes all other thoughts from your mind. He grabs at your thighs, spreading them apart as he eats away like a man starved.

“F...fuck….!” you gasp as he catches you off guard.

Unlike the men before him who have had their try at you, Dean skips the kitten licks and laps up every inch of you, forcefully swirling his tongue around your tiny bud of pleasure. You can almost make out the patterns he traces with his tongue, never using the same stroke, yet still somehow able to keep pushing you towards your high.

You’ve never felt this good, and you never could have imagined how good he would feel between yours legs. You can’t help it anymore, and forgo your heavy panting for loud moans.

Dean groans in appreciation and the vibration from his lips stimulates you further. You try not to squirm, but when he keeps up the ministrations of his tongue, you can’t help but to writhe against his touch. This only causes him to grip your thighs harder, pinning them down against the chair to keep you in place.

As good as it feels, you know you need more. You try to sit up to get his attention, but the sight of him face deep in between your legs only causes you to collapse again. You’re definitely going to be thinking about this moment for a long time.

Almost as if on cue, Dean releases a hand from one of your thighs and coats his fingers with your arousal. You gasp as the cold metal of his silver rings grazes your skin, but before you have enough time to adjust yourself, he slides two fingers into your entrance.

Your back arches immediately, it’s exactly what you needed to get you where you want to be. Dean pushes as far in as he can go and curves his fingers upward, rubbing at a sensitive spot you didn’t know existed, all the while his tongue working on your clit as his lips occasionally suck the swollen bud.

“D...Dean…” You can feel it, you’ve been chasing your high for a while now and you’re nearly there…

“Go ahead, babe.”

Dean leans back to watch you unravel, his fingers never ceasing movement to help you ride out your orgasm. You feel your legs tremble as waves of pleasure course through your body from the tips of your fingers down to your toes.

The burning need in the pit of your stomach fizzles out as Dean soothingly rubs at your thighs, and you allow yourself to enjoy the feeling for a few moments before sitting up to reach for your clothes.

Despite the time you both shared tonight, all the negative thoughts you’ve been repressing come crashing back into your conscious. You both sit in silence for a while and you can’t help but wonder where things will go from here.

Dean eventually rolls down a window and reaches into his back pocket to pull out a cigarette. He sits at the edge of the chair, resting his head outside as he takes long drags.

“That was hot,” he appraises you as you take a seat next to him.

“All thanks to you,” you quip back as you watch the embers burning from the end of his cigarette.

His free hand moves to rest on your thigh, the warmth bringing a flush to your cheeks as you’re reminded of just how skillful his fingers are.

“It’s been a long night,” you glance at your phone to see it’s a little past one in the morning. “Why don’t we head back?”

“Or we can just never head back,” Dean suggests smugly.

Now it’s your turn to offer a blank stare. You’ve never been able to figure out just what he was thinking, and in these moments where he jokes with you, it’s near impossible. You want to ask what all this meant tonight, but the better part of your mind knows it was probably just a one time in-the-moment kind of deal.

He laughs and gives your thigh a little squeeze before opening the door, offering his hand to help you out and back into the passenger seat. On the car ride back you’re both quiet, and you shuffle awkwardly in your seat as you wonder if this will be the last time you’ll see him.

Once back in the apartment complexes, he parks in front of the house you both left from but doesn’t get out.

“Are you going back in?” you ask as you reach for the door handle.

He nods his head and unlocks the door. “Yeah, there’s something I have to take care of.”

“Oh...okay,” you hesitate not sure how to take your leave.

“I’ll call you sometime,” Dean smiles at you, the first smile he’s ever offered you that didn’t seem sinister. A soft smile, one that reaches his eyes as he looks at you with a new found fondness.

Your cheeks flush, hand reaching to grab your phone to offer your number. But he only shakes his head and laughs as he cups your cheek with his hand.

“You knocked out earlier.”

It takes you a moment to realize what he means, but the implication only causes your cheeks to flush harder. The thought of Dean toying with your phone while you were out is bey9nd embarrassing.

“You were always so cute when you got embarrassed. Your face turns bright red, you know,” he laughs as his thumb strokes the warmth of your cheeks.

He drops his hand and you seize the opportunity to escape. “See you around, Dean.”

“Peace out, girl scout,” you can hear him laughing as you shut the door behind you, not daring to look back as you fast-walk back to your apartment complex.

A very disgruntled Taehyung answers the door when you realize you don’t have your keys.

“Jeez, you’re a mess,” he eyes you up and down, rubbing sleep from his eyes as you side step into your apartment. “What happened?”

“Tae, I have so much to tell you…”

#deanfluenza #deantrbl #dean kpop #kyon hyuk fic #dean fic #deanfluenza fic #deantrbl fic

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lightsandlostbells · 7 years ago

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Skam Austin episode 4 reaction

part of me is laughing at the number of people in the Facebook comments asking, “Is this on Netflix?”

Episode 4

Clip 1 - Sad couch crew

I felt Tyler and Shay were being friendly to Megan here, not snide, at least on a superficial level. Though I guess you can take their excitement about the concert as passive-aggressiveness.

Tyler mentioning the Illuminati - how very Isak. TBH I really hope Julie is making both Shay and Tyler gay, since they’re dividing up the Isak moments between the two. I’m fine if Tyler doesn’t get the big season-long arc and it goes to Shay instead, I’d love to see her get it. But it’s just going to leave such a bad taste if they’ve made Isak into a wlw with no equivalent to the gay male representation that already existed, when there are many supposedly straight female characters who could be have been made into wlw. Especially the Vilde equivalent, who you could easily give a story about discovering and accepting her sexuality, or the Chris character, who didn’t have her own season and really didn’t have any substantial character issues suggested on the level of Vilde’s home life, and would benefit from a meaty arc.

I love Shay, she’s definitely one of the highlights of the show, I’m just tired of all the fighting over whether it’s better for S3 to focus on a gay boy or a lesbian and seeing a lot of gross shit in the discussions that’s either minimizing the importance of an f/f storyline because homophobia is worse for men in Texas/lesbians don’t have it that bad/lesbians are already represented on TV because they’re accepted by straight men who find them sexy/someone doesn’t care about lesbians and will only accept Evak 2.0, or minimizing the importance of Evak/another m/m storyline because Skam and the other remakes already have gay ships so don’t get greedy/gay men are already accepted because look at all the m/m on Tumblr and AO3/people only want another Evak because they’re disgusting fetishizers. It’s fucked up how most of these talk relies on the assumption that there can be only one LGBT story on Skam at a time and not pushing back on why it goes without question that S1 and a hypothetical S2 about Grace/Daniel can both be about heterosexual relationships.

Not to be one of those obnoxious people referencing YA novels in response to real life situations, but it makes me think of Katniss at the climax of Catching Fire when her group of Tributes is fighting the Career Tributes and she fires at the force field instead. Remember who the real enemy is.

That’s a joke, don’t take that too seriously.

Anyway I’m tired.

Considering how shitty he’s been acting previously, Tyler not laughing at Marlon’s comments and just deliberately eating a potato chip is a step up for him.

Speaking of the chips, they disappear in between shots and I guess Tyler could be putting the bag on the floor between takes or something but it looks like a regular old continuity error.

Marlon is a mega dick and I dislike him but I kinda can’t believe that I agreed with him about the team’s social standings vs. their practice time. But it was Marlon who said it so it sounded like a dick move.

See, he’s been such a dick that it’s hard to feel sorry for him! But also he’s in the right to feel hurt about the concert.

I don't have much to say except he is the least convincing person to be talking about how he’s not upset and he doesn’t care. He’s so obviously pissed.

There’s just not a shred of chemistry between these two. I don’t get why they’re together, I don’t get what they like about each other, they barely seem to have much fun together. There isn’t much of a rapport.

Pointless personal anecdote #1: When this clip came out, I watched it on my phone at a graduation party, and I'm not kidding, in the few minutes while I was watching some middle-aged parents started talking about wanting to move to Texas when they retire, and they named cities and singled out Austin as a bad choice because “it’s been overtaken by liberals,” lmao. There was no way they could have realized I was watching a show set in Austin. The stars just aligned.

Clip 2 - Kelsey, no

Grace is really concerned about Kelsey sleeping with Daniel so soon, probably because what happened in her own past messed her up.

“Ever since I was a little girl watching the Super Bowl, I knew I was going to lose my virginity to a football player.” .... when I was a little girl watching the Super Bowl I only cared about seeing the commercials with the pretty horses.

“It was like he was going down on me, but in my mouth” … oh my God … someone SAVE this child.

Kelsey, you don’t even know what anyone going down on you in the “correct” place feels like, and this just makes you sound like inexperienced and Not Ready . And I’m glad Meg and Grace are suitably horrified.

Oh, they actually mentioned the issue of insurance, that’s good. But she looked a little uncomfortable with the topic of insurance, so if she has a similar financial situation to Vilde, insurance might be an issue? Or, as was hinted later via texts, she might have a super religious or conservative mom who would not take her to the doctor. She might be able to go to Planned Parenthood for birth control except I’m not sure if minors can get prescriptions for the pill without parental consent because well, Texas.

I checked out of curiosity and it looks like the only type of birth control you can get at PP without parental consent are condoms and lol, Grace already had that covered.

“You know you should use a condom, right?” “What if he doesn’t want to use a condom?” “Then you know you shouldn’t have sex with him.” YES. JESUS. Thank you Grace.

“I talked to Jo this weekend and I prayed about it last night” Oh come on, they’re going to have her mention praying about Zoya’s participation on the team and then not even address the sex-religion topic? Okay. Kelsey doesn’t even have to be abstinent or opposed to premarital sex, not all Christians are, I feel like it just makes sense for someone to be like, “Isn’t having sex before marriage against your religion?” And if Kelsey objected to the question on the grounds that they’re making assumptions about her religion, they could always come back at her with “Well, you assumed Muslims couldn’t dance.”

Kudos to Grace for talking sense about the Zoya situation and being very calm and careful about the Daniel thing.

Clip 3 - Backseat

The editing at the start of the clip made me think the mom might be talking to Megan at first but no, the mom is on her phone. Mom’s communication skills weren’t so great in this clip.

The dialogue is pretty on the nose and super specific to the theeeeeeme, with the mom putting all this implied pressure on Megan, but the passive aggressiveness about Megan’s dad is sadly accurate to how certain married-with-kids dynamics are, with the parents always at each other’s throats and dismissive of each other and not caring about how the kids react to these constant fighting.

I saw some people wondering why Megan was sitting in the backseat and honestly, that didn’t seem too weird to me. It’s not typical but I’ve ridden in the backseat even when I was the only passenger before (usually because sometimes riding in the front seat makes me sick) but I could see like, a moody teenager wanting to text her boyfriend and not wanting her mom to glance over at her phone. Although the simplest explanation is that Julie wants to hide the parents’ faces.

I didn’t even notice the giant concert posters at first, I was focused on the homeless man. I am assuming he was there to remind us of the stakes to succeed in this world if you’re much of a “dreamer” as Meg’s mom puts it, where if you don’t get a good job that can be you living on the streets, and to get a good job you need to get a degree from a good school, and to get a degree from a good school you need to perform well in high school, and if you make one mistake you are ruined, RUINED forever.

Meg trying to ask her mom for relationship advice and instead getting reminded that her parents have a shit relationship, lovely.

The difference in the tone between the coworker call and the dad call is very telling. Right off the bat, when the dad calls, the mom has a pissed-off attitude. They’re at the stage where they fight just to fight.

Also, note the guilt trip caused by the mom yelling at the dad for not remembering she was going to her friend’s (and like, who cares, I mean this might be part of a larger problem but this sounds like the pettiest shit to argue about) and saying people show they appreciate and support each other by listening and taking interest in their loves, when that’s exactly what Megan didn’t do (skipping Marlon’s show that he was so hyped for) and that’s how she feels she can make it up to him (by buying tickets to the concert he had mentioned).

And the mom says people show they care by listening when she doesn’t even listen to her own daughter and interrupts her when she’s trying to ask a question, and she’s definitely not paying attention to Megan’s life. Like, how is it that they can miss that she’s not on the dance team? Surely the team has some performances or competitions that they’d attend? Fundraisers? I can see them not attending all of Megan’s dance performances, but any of them?

Megan’s mom is a piece of work, though I’m sure the dad plays his part in the dysfunction too, I don’t want to put it all on the mother.

Clip 4 - Straw

Franz Ferdinand???

Not that this is the point but I’m intrigued by this locker setup. But I am from a place with cold cold winters so the idea of having one of these lockers in January seems terrible.

I was curious if Kendrick Lamar was actually supposed to perform in Austin on Friday, so I checked it out, and lo and behold, it was a real concert. Good job, Skam Austin.

It kinda just makes me sad that THIS is how Meg gets Marlon’s attention again, by buying (probably) expensive concert tickets.

“you two are smashing in that bathroom by the nurse’s office” at least you’re nearby if you need offbeat advice and some condoms? Oh wait, this is Texas. Never mind the last one.

This is my chance to talk about how gross I find the word “smash” in any sexual context. It just sounds uncomfortable and makes me think of potatoes.

Shoutout to Tyler’s Prince shirt, certainly a unique wardrobe choice.

Man, Kelsey is just such an easy target. Especially with the way she talks, like-like-like … blood in the water. Tyler and Shay are not here for Kelsey and Jo right off the bat and once Kelsey opens her mouth, it’s doom.

At least Kelsey had the sense to keep Zoya on the team list even if it was for self-serving reasons.

I applaud these actresses for effort, but every version of the iconic spoon scene has felt forced compared to the original. Josefina, my darling, if you’re going to be seductive with your straw, you might wanna purse your lips instead of letting it roll around in and out of your mouth.

I think it’s great that Jo and Tyler spoke Spanish to each other, and that they didn’t have subtitles, but lol at the brazenness of asking that question right in front of Shay when Shay could possibly speak Spanish herself. Or lmao, anyone who has taken Spanish I could understand what she was saying. (Like what if Shay was his girlfriend? Kinda think Jo isn’t concerned with technicalities.)

Calling him jefe, lmao, wow.

Tyler referring to Kelsey as Drew Barrymore made me laugh. Do kids these days have a firm grasp on Drew Barrymore’s legacy? What has she been in recently other than Santa Clarita Diet?

Maybe instead of references to Romeo + Juliet, we can get allusions to Ever After, The Wedding Singer, or Never Been Kissed. (Maybe not that last one.)

Also, I’m glad Meg spoke up for Kelsey so they weren’t just bashing her new friends.

Clip 5 - Internet quizzes should not be used to make major life decisions

Zoya is just looking through a book while Kelsey is talking.

Some of Kelsey’s rules:

“Always act classy”

“No cursing, fighting, messy hair or appearance” while wearing the uniform

“Positive vibes ONLY”

But yeah, here’s another example of why the dance team wasn’t the best way to adapt russ because like … of course Kelsey is being rude and ridiculous, and I can’t say I’m on her side against Zoya, but … if the team founder calls a meeting to discuss rules, it’s expected that you will be there to discuss the rules and not blow it off?

With Vilde’s bus, first of all, russ was several years away and they had time to pull it all together. A dance team is going to require some results in the near future, especially if the team is school-approved and getting them out of P.E. Someone is probably going to be checking up on the girls and making sure they’re not getting P.E. credit for sitting around and doing nothing. Second, pretty sure a bus group is not going to require as much day to day practice, training, and energy as a dance team.

I don’t know, however silly Kelsey’s motivations might be, if you sign up for someone’s dance team … you should expect to dance, dude. That goes for all the girls.

When prompted to give her opinion of Zoya, Jo cleverly deflects with the quiz, as her opinion of Zoya is clearly ❤️❤️❤️

I do love and appreciate Grace trying to persuade Kelsey to rethink the whole sleeping with Daniel thing. Not being too harsh, but being firm and not hesitating to point out all the ways it’s not a good choice.

Also being like “keep in mind he’s not your boyfriend” thank youuuu.

Kelsey sure doesn’t like that part about people judging her for having premarital sex. At least they might bring it up in the aftermath of hooking up with Daniel?

“That definitely didn’t happen.” “It did happen and she can’t eat Sweet Tarts anymore.” Jo continues to be the shining star of this show, I laughed out loud at her delivery of that line.

Whenever one of the Chrises is like “I was totally wasted” about their first time, I’m just like 😧

Kelsey saying option A on the quiz, for her “boyfriend” and her being closer once they sleep together, is the most depressing thing. Stop this train before it goes off the rails.

Oh God. Kelsey does not need to be anywhere near a penis at this juncture. The way she starts giggling and laughing when Grace suggests to think about what turns her on about Daniel … you are not ready to have sex. You are barely ready to talk about sex. None of the Vildes has seemed so young and not ready to go through with this.

Kelsey did not talk about not wanting to be involved in lesbianism, hmmmMMMM. Foreshadowing? Or maybe Julie just realized that people didn’t like the casual lesbophobia if you don’t have a lesbian character?

I haven’t been all that complimentary to the actors on this show, but I do want to give Kelsey’s actress some props for reciting that whole monologue, which is just a detailed Teen Vogue photoshoot.

It’s amusing that Kelsey integrated the Kittens uniform into her erotic fantasy but sad that Kelsey still wants to be a Kitten so much. She’s not wearing a uniform for her own group, whatever she might want it to be, she’s wearing a Kitten uniform in her ideal scenario.

You know Jo is listening to this fantasy and getting inspiration for her next Kelsey makeup experiment.Also, it makes me laugh that they’re having this discussion in a library.

Overheard in Bouldin - TMI Girl in Library: “People get turned on my different things all the time. My cousin’s thing is dirty socks. She keeps a pair of her ex-boyfriend’s in a Ziploc bag under her bed.”

May we one day meet this intriguing cousin of yours, Jo.

But don’t encourage this Daniel nonsense.

It’s too bad we didn’t get the classic doctor visit but lol, a school doctor in Texas might not be able to be so blatant with the sex ed tips, so I get it. And ultimately I would prefer if Julie tried out new scenes instead of trying to recreate old ones.

At first I thought Kelsey maybe didn’t know who Kendrick Lamar was. Which is perfectly plausible, let’s be real.

“When I have ever asked you for anything?” In the short time Meg has known you, Kelsey ... find Jo, join the dance team, get closer to Penetrator Jo, give you her birth control pills.

Clip 6 - Bowling

Kelsey’s outfit is almost exactly what she described in her fantasy! No access to a Kittens dance uniform, but otherwise very close. Follow your dreams, kids.

“Martin had a dream … Martin had a dream …” look, I like that Skam uses a variety of music and not just white indie rock, but can we like �� quit syncing music by black artists talking about black cultural topics to scenes of this white dude being a big deal.

Look at that dipshit taking up two parking spaces. Fuck offffffffffffff

Kelsey looks so happy and Daniel looks like he’s already 75% checked out.

How long is this Kendrick bowling montage going to go on?

Ha, Kelsey easily had the worst bowling score of the four of them.

“Daniel just touched my ass.” The way Kelsey was thrilled about this was kind of cute and alarming.

Kelsey wanting Meg to stay with them as long as she can makes me think she really just doesn’t want to go through with the impending loss of virginity.

“Then how’d you know my name at Talent Night?” I mean ... you do go to school together, and Jo is on the football team with a high social profile. I could name a lot of my high school classmates by name even if I’ve never spoken to them.

Is Julie going to go full Chris/Eva with this version to give the shippers their day in the sun? I love original Eva/Jonas but Meg/Marlon is an unpleasant trainwreck so I can’t say I’m disappointed. I mean I can’t say I love Meg/Penetrator Jo either,, but I’m not sad about this version of Eva/Jonas not being endgame.

Penetrator Jo is still sleazy in at least a few respects (don’t be a cocktease) and we have still have to meet his girlfriend but his memory of her seems legit so maybe he does really like her. Unless, I don’t know, he stalked her IG and remembered some relevant details and embellished this whole story?

Lmao, I can get why people might think the “No Signal” scenario would be a contrivance but that exact thing has happened to me, so I buy it.

I will give Julie this credit, she’s good at setting up Fredag/Friday scenarios where we think one thing will happen, and instead something else occurs that’s completely different from the fan theories. I figured it would be as simple as Meg or Marlon missing the concert, not that we’d spot Marlon (or “Marlon”) with Abby

I don’t think it’s Marlon, though. That seems a lot like Tyler’s walk, and the person doesn’t seem to be wearing Marlon’s ugly shoes.

General Comments:

It’s kind of depressing to see people in the FB group and in the comments be like, “I haven’t seen the original show but could Grace be a lesbian? 😃” and the replies be like “No, Noorhelm is coming 😃”

Another “fun” aspect of having this show on Facebook: the MAGA edgelord assholes who leave comments on the episodes about “cucks” and “libtards.”

My opinion of Grace rose so much in this episode just by how doggedly she is trying to bring Kelsey back to earth. and telling her she can back out of this choice.

In the texts, Grace said she would buy condoms for Kelsey - good job - and later, when Kelsey asked the girls what she should wear for losing her virginity, said, “I know what Daniel will be wearing” and said that she put condoms in Kelsey’s purse - excellent job.

I feel like Grace would roll the condom on Daniel’s dick herself if it meant Kelsey had safe sex.

Abby was stressing over finals on IG so I’d bet that was a hint she needed something to help her out, hence meeting up with Marlon/Tyler for Adderall.

I was wondering what kind of music would be on Skam Austin since original Skam had all sorts of high-profile artists, and that would not be cheap, but so far, it seems like Facebook spared no expense with the soundtrack.

Grace and Shay had IG posts reacting to the Santa Fe High School Shooting. IDK how much Skam Austin would address gun violence in the episodes itself in the future, and I can think of ways it could go very badly, but sadly, as one of the biggest concerns of American teenagers today, it would be very relevant, and that’s what Skam’s supposed to be, after all.

#skam austin reactions #skamus reactions

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