#my coworker told me last week that my haircut was beautiful and i’m STILL thinking about it

[kingneptunesthinninghead]

In your opinion, which fast food place has the best fries? i love me some mcdonald’s fries.

Are there hurricanes where you live? they happen every once in a while

What do you hate the most about yourself? I'd really rather not get into this right about now. same

What song are you listening to right now? nothing but catch fire by 5sos is stuck in my head.

What was your first concert? brad paisley 🤠.

What’s your favorite Johnny Depp movie? willy wonka and the chocolate factory

Who did you last say “I love you” to? My sister. probably same

Do you like pumpkin pie? it’s about the only pie i DO like.

Do you know anyone named Austin? no one i like

Do you know anyone who is having a baby? my friend just gave birth to a baby about a week ago

What was the last thing you cried about? i cried in the car on the way home from work last night while listening to jet black heart lmaooo.

Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? i dont drink milk.

Do you think you are an argumentative person? Definitely not. agreed, i’m conflict avoidant to a fault

How many deep dark secrets do you have? i dont think i have any

What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? the hot wings from bonchon were pretty f’n spicy

Who last called you sexy? i dont remember

Would you class yourself as a good role model? i think for the most part

Are you scared of the dark? sometimes i am

Do you have a motto? nah.

Who did you last see on webcam? my club committee from school

Do you need a haircut? i just got one about a month ago so not atm

How would you react if your mother told you that she was pregnant again? that would be impossible considering she’s in menopause and has her tubes tied

You log into Facebook and see the red ‘1’ notification next to the message icon. Who do you want it to be? no one i hate facebook

Would you rather exercise alone or with other people? most of the time alone but sometimes i’ll exercise with my sister or in a structured workout class

What is the most difficult or involved video game you’ve ever played? any bc i suck at video games

Ever watch the show Supernatural? nope

Ever heard of flavored honey? If so, what’s you’re favorite flavor? i’ve heard of it but never tried it

Do you remember what your favorite show was when you were little? i went thru hardcore icarly and victorious phases, also LOVED spongebob

Do you put anything besides cheese on grilled cheese sandwiches? sometimes i’ll do bacon on mine

When it comes to books, what do you think is the “perfect” amount of pages? the length of a book has never deterred me from reading it, ever.

Would you ever be interested in going scuba diving? maybe

Out of all of your friends/relatives, who would you say has the best vocabulary? not to toot my own horn but me

Are any of your fingers or toes deformed? What about the nails? no

When is the last time you cried? didnt i already answer this

Would you ever date somebody that has been divorced more than once? mm prob not

What are some stereotypically nerdy things that you like? i guess marvel and space would count

Have you ever attended a wedding that ended where the bride and groom didn’t actually get married? What happened? no but i’ve attended several weddings of people who have quickly divorced

What scares you the most about becoming a mother (hypothetically, if you don’t want to have children)? raising them to be a good well adjusted person.

Would you ever want a job in fashion? What would you enjoy about that type of job? prob not

Would you ever be a surrogate mother? nope

What do you think would be the best and worst parts about being a twin? i would love having that strong of a bond with someone and having someone to go thru life with but i would also feel like i never had anything that was truly mine esp in early childhood

Do you feel that your childhood was more rough compared to others around you? my childhood was great compared to a lot of peoples and i’m extremely thankful for that

How would you react if you found out today that you were actually adopted? i would feel betrayed that i’d lied to for 20 years

Have either of your parents ever cheated on one another before, that you know of? How would you react if you found out today that one of them cheated? not that i know of and again i would feel crushed and betrayed

Do you like cleaning and organizing? when i’m in the mood for it

How would you react if you found out you were infertile? If you don’t plan on having kids to begin with, what is a long-term goal you’d be crushed to find out was impossible to achieve? i would definitely be upset bc i want to have at least one biological kid but in the end i would find just as much joy from adopting a child and giving them a loving home.

Would you take your dream job if it were out of the country? it depends on what other factors are in my life at the time

Have you ever been robbed? no

Is anyone close to you an alcoholic? my friend at college and that’s not even a joke that’s genuine. i think he’s getting the help he needs tho which is good

Have you ever dumped anyone? no

What kind of tea do you drink? I hate tea. same it tastes like dish water

Do you know anyone in a gang? No, and I hope I never do. same

What’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you? omg i still remember this bc i was blown away by how sweet it was. so in 9th grade i had one friend in my pe class and idek how we started talking but we just stuck by each other bc we didn’t have anyone else and we sat at our own table right by the teacher’s desk in health class and we actually became pretty close friends throughout the year well anyway i mentioned my birthday was coming up and she asked me what i wanted and i was like no you don’t have to and she was like do you want flowers and i was like sure why not and i didn’t think she was gonna actually do it but then on my birthday she shows up to health class with these beautiful purple flowers and i was so shocked that she actually got them for me so yeah i’ve never forgotten that ever. she moved away after that year and i never saw her again but i hope she’s doing well

What is your orientation? Gay? Straight? Metrosexual? straight but i have questioned before.

Have you ever done anything really dangerous or illegal with friends? nothing too wild

Name three feelings you’re feeling right now: bored, content, excited

And the reasons for these feelings? bored bc i’m at work, content bc i like the way my life is going rn, excited bc i get to go back to school and see all my college friends soon.

How do you feel about your life right now? pretty pleased at the moment

Is it easy for you to like yourself? Why or why not? no. it’s a conscious choice to like yourself that you have to make everyday and some days that choice is easier to make than others

What subjects come naturally to you? English, some aspects of science. agree with this, i’m very good at english and i understand some science

What subjects do not? MATH

Do you read more fiction or more non-fiction books? fiction but sometimes i like a good non fiction book.

How has today been for you? pretty good nothing too exciting

What did you do? watched tv and went to work

Are there any candles lit in the room you’re in? no

Are there any lava lamps near you? nope.

Do you like cats or dogs better? Cats. agree i have 4

Are any of your friends a pothead? yes, several

What’s a goal you’re trying to accomplish soon? start working out consistently again and get into therapy.

Are you a high maintenance person? nope

The last time you yelled as loud as you could, what was the reason? i was at a karaoke night

Have you ever been heartbroken? yep

Who did that to you? my ex crush

Did you go through an ugly stage as a kid? ohhhh yeah

The last type of sandwich you made or ate: a ham and cheese sandwich with pepperoni and mayo

The last time you spent most of the day in bed: when i was at school and i had stayed up until 6am the night before.

The last friend or acquaintance you made: my coworker

The last thing you took pictures of: a rainbow

The last time you were scared: when i thought a car was following me the other night

The last thing you looked up online: manic panic hair dye.

The last thing you disagreed with: i don’t remember.

Does your house have a separate laundry room? yep

Do your parents still help you financially? yes, a lot

Does your car have a backup camera? nope.

Have either of your parents ever been in trouble with the law? not to where they’ve been arrested

Have you ever had a pet that lived to be really old for its breed/species? my childhood cat lived to be 18 which was pretty impressive.

What was the last strong scent you smelled? my cat’s fart

Have you ever told someone to their face that they were ugly? no way

Is your bed against more than one of your walls? nope

Have you ever been attracted to someone’s parent? um yes some people i know have dilfs i’m sorry

Have you ever pole danced before? no

Have you ever broken into someone’s house? no.

Have you ever seen a live bat? yup at a beach house in the obx

What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? i bought bonchon for my friends and i one time which was just about $100

Have you ever taken a woodshop class? no

How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? as little time as possible.

Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? i had one math teacher in high school that consistently made me feel dumb bc i needed extra help to understand the concepts and couldn’t do mental math that fast so didnt like her

Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? closest i’ve been was second row

Are your parents supportive of you? yep

[bi-hippie5]

Blonde Curls |Luke|

Description: Luke leaves Charlotte two years ago not knowing she was pregnant. Then he runs into her best friend at an interview.

Notes: I was thinking of turning this into a longer series but I just ended up with this

Masterlist

Luke can admit that press can be fun but after a full week of it he’s ready to take a nap and not wake up for a couple of days. Luckily the band was on their last radio interview of the day and he was that much closer to crawling into bed. 

“Welcome boys we are so excited to have you, Jasmine is just finishing up her current interview and we can set up soon” one of the employees of the radio station explained as they all take a seat on the couches set outside the room. This was a new interview they hadn’t done in the past so they didn’t really know what to expect. He had heard that the radio show was pretty new but was probably one of the most popular ones in the area.

They only had to wait for maybe ten more minutes before the door opened louds laughs filled the waiting area. People exit saying thank you and going their own ways before Luke's eyes land on a very familiar face. It's not the face that haunts him at night but of the one person that probably hates him just as much.

“Shit” Luke whispers under his breath as Jasmine walks out to meet the boys before the interview. He wanted to run and hide right now as his ex-girlfriend's best friend is shooting daggers at him while giving quick hugs to his other band mates. Ashton looks over to check on him since he was the only one that had the chance to meet her before.

“Luke” she mumbles, not even bothering to get closer to him as the other two boys look at him confused.

“It’s been a long time Jasmine” he laughs awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck as her gaze only gets harsher.

“Two years actually” she corrects him and it stings more than it should as she turns her back to him. Her tone is completely different with the other boys as she brings them into the room with Luke trailing behind. Charlotte hasn’t left his mind since the day he got scared and walked away. He hasn’t been able to be serious with anyone else since and he knows that it's all his fault. But, now seeing Jasmine makes the pain come right to the surface. Jasmine was Charlotte’s best friend since middle school, she was the first friend she introduced him to. At the time they had hit it off great laughing and having fun. They had gotten pretty close actually since Charlotte had the biggest impacts on both of their lives.

The whole interview he can feel how awkward it was. Jasmine didn’t really talk to him at all directing all of her questions to the other three. He wasn’t upset about it since so much was running through his mind. No one can blame her for hating him because what happened would make anyone look like a jerk. Charlotte and Luke had been together for four years and lived together for two of those years. They were happy and everything was perfect, at least that's what she thought. Luke wasn’t sure exactly happened but one day it just got real, this was it for him like Charlotte was the one he wanted to spend his life with. But, everyone kept bringing up marriage and asking when he would propose and he got freaked out. One day he got back to the apartment before she did and completely left only leaving a note that said ‘I’m sorry i can’t do this right now.’ He regrets it to this day, what was he thinking.

After the interview was over he told the boys to not wait for him as he hung back. It had been two years but that was too long and needed to see her and fix it.

“Jasmine please just tell me where she is” he begged once they were left alone. Jasmine knew she couldn’t physically hurt him but the looks she gave him would have to do.

“Why should I tell you fucker, you left her and never turned back. You didn’t have to pick up the pieces” she spit at him poking hard at his chest.

“Please I haven’t been able to get her out of my mind the last two years i need to make it right”

“It's not gonna happen buddy she moved on and picked herself up she doesn't need you” Jasmine laughs at him turning away and walking into her office slamming the door in his face. Luke stood in the hallway feeling like such a dumbass. He should have just stayed in the apartment that day till she got home and they could talk through his fears.

“I know where she is” Ashton says from behind him. When they were together Charlotte had developed a nice friendship with Ashton. He was so disappointed when Luke told them what had happened and the terrible choices he had made. But just because they broke up doesn’t mean he was gonna break his friendship with the girl and has kept in touch this whole time. Luke was his best friend but there was one small thing that stopped him from telling him where she was this whole time, and his name was Landon.

------

“Have a good night Claire” Charlotte waved at her coworker as she headed out of the salon leaving her to close up. Everything was in its place already; it was just some sweeping to finish before her mom arrived. She set her phone down at one of the stations hitting play on the music before grabbing the broom.

Luke could see her through the window of the door as she danced around the salon  with a broom in her hand. She looked good, like really good wearing black ripped jeans and a nice black cropped sweater. Her blonde hair was shorter, now up to her shoulders and a bit more silver but she was still as beautiful as ever. He paced outside for a few minutes before working up the courage to finally walk inside. The bells on the door alerting his presents but she didn’t look up.

“I’m sorry we are closed, we open at 10 tomorrow if you want to make an appointment” her sweet voice fills his ears after so long. Just hearing her voice and seeing her it's like finally taking a deep breath of fresh air.

“Charlie” he whispers, finally finding his voice again. Her body stiffened at that voice, it's the one she heard on the radio and the tv but also haunts her at night.

“I’m sorry but we are closed” she doesn’t dare to turn around to look at him because if she does it will hurt more and give her mind new material to fester over.

“I wasn’t really looking to get a haircut unless it’s like that time you made me sit in the bathroom so that you could practice. I told you most girls don’t cut hair in just their underwear, seems kind of dangerous” he chuckled taking a few steps towards her. She still doesn’t move because she thought this would never happen, he left. He didn’t want anything to do with her anymore but now he’s here, at her work and she honestly didn’t know how this could get worse.

But of course it does, the chimes of the door sound against but this time she knew who it was. She finally turns around but refuses to look at him but instead at her confused mother standing in the doorway, a small sleeping two year old in her arms.

“I’m sorry to interrupt but your father has the car running” she’s staring Luke down like a mother lion ready to kill her next meal for her children and Charlotte kind of fears for Luke. He knows that looking at her mother will be worse than the reaction he got from Jasmine earlier today. However, his eyes are glued to the small figure in her arms, he looked so peaceful with his thumb in his mouth. Long eyelashes resting on his soft skin and those blonde curls he couldn't understand.

Charlotte walks past him grabbing her son from her mom. He stirs a bit but wraps his arms around her neck falling right back to sleep. She kisses her mother's cheek before placing the diaper bag down on one of the chairs.

“Let me know when you get home please” she gives her another hug and kisses both her daughter and grandson. She doesn’t even acknowledge Luke walking right past him and back into the waiting car outside. Luke can’t even imagine the reaction her protective father will have once she tells him.

Charlotte adjusts Landon in her arms before heading past Luke to grab the rest of her belongings so that she can leave before he starts asking questions.

“Charlie what is going on please look at me” his voice is softer this time and closer and she knew that he was right behind her. Letting out the breath she was holding finally turning to make eye contact with the man that broke her heart. Luke's eyes are still trained on the toddler because the curls alone gives it away, That had to be his son. “How old is he?”

“Two” she whispers softly and it was like a knife into his heart. There was no doubt in his mind that the small boy was his. Charlotte was never the girl to cheat on him and the time line adds up to perfectly.

“He’s mine and you didn’t tell me” his voice raises a little bit with the mix of emotions that were going through his body. If she was pregnant why didn’t she tell him or the fact that there is a small person on this earth that was a mix of both of them.

“Luke I can't do this with you right now” she's walking away from him. “It’s been such a long day and I need to get Landon home” he follows her outside of the salon and towards the parking lot.

“Please don’t walk away from me, can we please just talk about this because im 100% sure that is my son” she stops trying to calm her breathing slowly rubbing Landon back trying to remind herself to not yell.

“Don’t walk away from you, please tell me your kidding because if I can remember you left me not the other way around” They stand in pure silence just staring at each other. Luke didn’t know what to say because she was right, always right. “I need to go home and think Luke, I’ll have Ashton send you my address and you can come over tomorrow okay?” he nods agreeing not wanting to make her anymore upset.

-----

He’s nervous, standing in front of the apartment the address leads him to. His palms are sweating as he wipes them against his jeans fixing his hair and shirt before knocking on the white door. No one ever explains how to act when you officially meet your son for the first time. Mostly when the mother is someone he hasn’t been able to get out of his head even though it's his fault he's in this position. Charlie opens the door a few seconds after and Luke almost passes out. She’s just so damn beautiful with a yellow sundress flowing around her figure, hair half pulled back.

“Mommy” a little voice cries followed by soft footsteps. Landon comes crying behind her immediately noticing Luke standing at the door. His eyes get big and run over to his mother grabbing onto her legs to hide behind.

“Sorry he can be kind of shy” she apologizes as Landon lets out a sniffle looking up to look suspicious at who this strange man is.

“Hi I’m Luke” he gets down on his level making eye contact with the little boy.

“I Landon” he mumbles

“It's nice to meet you Landon, I really like your hair it's kind of like mine” that peaks Landon’s attention as he moves a little bit closer still keeping his hand on his mother just in case. Landon loves his hair, poor little thing cried his eyes out when Charlotte tried to give him a trim a week weeks back.

“Do you like dinosaurs?” Landon asks with the brightest eyes. Luke nods which results in a big smile from the small boy as he grabs his fingers dragging him into the apartment. He leads him into a small play room that is full of different toys and activities. Landon shows Luke his large collection of dinosaur toys having to show him each of them even imitating some of the noises for him.

Charlotte's heart was so full watching the two boys interact so sweetly. It was never her intention to keep Landon away from Luke; she really was gonna tell Luke about being pregnant. But when she came home and he was gone she just assumed he wanted nothing to do with her and wouldn’t want this baby. She was already so heart broken and couldn’t handle another regrection if he truly didn’t want to have a baby with her.

She let them play for a while, busying herself with some cleaning that needed to be done. Working and having a wild two year old made it kind of difficult to keep everything organized and put together.

“Mommy” Landon yells running into the kitchen with the biggest smile basically bouncing in his spot under her. “Can Luke come play all the time” Luke stands behind him leaning against the wall with a smile that matches his son his whole face glowing. Landon had never asked about having a dad not fully understanding but Charlotte knew that she would have to explain it at some point. Luke and her had a lot to work through but she wasn’t gonna keep him from having a relationship with his son.

“Of course buddy, but can I tell you something?” she picks him up placing him on her hip as he nods. “Luke is actually your daddy which means he's gonna be around all the time to take care of you”

“And play?” both parents laugh at the little boy.

“Yes and play would that be okay?” Landon shakes his head so fast putting his arms out for Luke to take him. He’s fast gathering the boy into his arms and hugging him to his chest.

“Charlie I’m so sorry I was just scared and didn’t know what I was thinking. But now I know that all I want is you and him and a family. You were always going to be my forever and I know we have things to work on but I’m here to fight for you, for both of you” tears were building up in both of their eyes. No words were needed as she makes her way over to the love of her life and son pressing her lips to his. They had a lot to work on but this was forever and no one was going anywhere.

[argylemnwrites]

It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment - Epilogue

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC (Riley Liu)

Book: The Royal Romance (Canon Divergent from Book 2, Chapter 15)

Word Count: ~2200

Rating: PG-13 (language)

Summary: Moving forward, together.

Author’s Note: This series diverges from TRR canon, where instead of waiting to discuss his relationship with Riley until their last night in NYC, leaving her a note while Liam is proposing to her, Drake tackles this topic as soon as possible after Tariq makes his statement and Riley’s name is cleared. To catch up on this series, you can find the previous chapters in my masterlist (link is located in my bio).

“So, who owns this place again?”

“It’s Cam’s uncle’s girlfriend’s sister’s building.”

“And we trust her… why?”

“Because she is fine with Cam vouching for us, so no income minimum, no issue with your lack of credit history, and no broker’s fee.”

Drake nodded. It still felt kind of shady to him, going to check out random units they heard about from different people they were tangentially connected to, but he was deferring to Riley completely, seeing as he had never been responsible for finding his own housing in his life. And apartment hunting in New York, it turned out, was a complicated task.

Back in February, when they’d started trying to figure out what neighborhoods to consider, Riley had told him not to bother searching the units listed on basically any website.

“There’s gonna be massive broker’s fees, and they probably won’t take us since we won’t have a guarantor. There’s a lot of scams, too. Just talk to your coworkers, word of mouth is going to be the best way to do this,” she’d warned him. 

Drake had done as she’d asked, but the units that his connections, the ones at the law firm he’d been sent to as coverage for one of the assistants who was out after surgery, recommended had not been a good fit. One didn’t allow dogs, one had been a definite bait and switch scam that looked nothing like the pictures he’d been shown, and the one they’d checked out last week was nice, but they would have needed a roommate to make it affordable, something they both weren’t really interested in doing.

But today they were checking out a one bedroom place in the Kensington neighborhood in Brooklyn that she’d heard about through one of her managers. They were supposed to meet with the building owner at 3 o’clock, so they had taken the F train over just after lunch so that Drake could get a better feel for the area.

Now that it was April, the weather was finally feeling like spring more consistently. It really couldn’t have been a nicer day for them to walk around the neighborhood. Drake was shocked at how close they were to a park. It was crowded as all get out, given that everyone and their mother seemed to want to take advantage of the pleasant day, but Prospect Park was large, had fishing spots, and most importantly, was some actual green space. While there were still numerous restaurants in the neighborhood, it felt so much more residential than their current apartment’s location. Drake could actually see why people would choose to live in a place like this.

The building owner, Kris, let them in and showed them up to the second floor walk-up she was looking to lease. It was in an older building, but everything looked well maintained at least. And it was big, probably twice as big as their current apartment. Drake was sure the fact that he’d been living in a 35 square meter studio for over four months was influencing him, but it just felt larger than his quarters at the palace had been, even though he was sure that wasn’t the case.

He wandered around, checking out the bedroom while Riley chatted specifics with Kris. After their first apartment tour a couple of weekends ago, they’d both quickly decided that was the best approach. Not only did Riley have more experience and knew the better questions to ask, but when left to her own devices, she was often able to charm landlords into throwing in some sort of perk, like waiving the pet fee or granting them some flexibility on move in dates. It was best to let her just do her thing.

As he checked out the closet space, it hit him how different his life was now than it was even six months ago. That Drake would have just been amazed that Riley would ever willingly choose to be with him over Liam. He could have never pictured himself choosing an apartment in New York with her. Sitting down and making plans for the future with her. 

It was easy to look at her and say that the change was all about her. And to an extent, that was true. He probably wouldn’t have found the motivation to make any changes in his life if he hadn’t met her. But it really was about more than that. It was about stepping up, letting go of the past, and taking ownership of his own happiness. He remembered Riley yelling at him, telling him he was scared to make changes in his life because he might still end up miserable on the other side of them. Basically telling him he needed to stop making himself a victim by his own choosing. And she’d been right.

Sure, some things were still a work in progress. Their visit to Texas a handful of weeks ago had proven that his relationship with his mother was not going to be mended overnight, after all. But on the other hand, he was hard pressed to imagine the man he was six months ago willingly getting an office job and going out for drinks after work with colleagues. He probably also wouldn’t have gotten a more “professional” haircut at the advice of one of those coworkers in hopes of turning a temp job into a permanent one. He would have fought such advice tooth and nail, insisting that anyone who cared that much about something as dumb as a haircut was a stuck up asshole, not worth his time. And while part of him still felt that way, he now saw it was a small price to pay to try and gain a more stable income so that Riley could cut down to part time at the bar and go back to college in the fall and work on finishing those last two semesters. Plus, she seemed to like his cleaned up cut, which was an added bonus.

The only way her going back to school was even a possibility was actually because of Maxwell. When he had let them know he was coming to New York for a “business venture,” they had both been confused, to say the least. But, when they met up with him for dinner and drinks, he’d told them he had found a way to bring some much needed cash to the Beaumonts - he had sold the rights to a holiday movie to the Hallmark channel, and that the script was so well received that they wanted him to keep writing for them. This had meant nothing to Drake himself, but Riley had just laughed, explaining that it was a TV network that made dozens of cheesy romance movies each year, many of them centered around Christmas.

When pressed, Maxwell had informed them, rather reluctantly, that the plot of the movie centered around a New York City waitress who came to a European country as the date of a prince for some Christmas ball, but ended up falling in love with his best friend. Despite Maxwell’s assurances that he was barely inspired by them and that all the names and locations were changed and that Christmas had nothing to do with Riley’s time in Cordonia, Drake and Riley had called him out on profiting off their story. Eventually, they struck a deal - they got a percentage of his payout for the script, which was going to cover most of Riley’s first semester tuition, and Maxwell had to help them with their move. It still irritated Drake a bit that Maxwell had just decided to throw their story out there for the world, but Liam had told him he approved the script and said it really wasn’t identifying at all, so Drake just decided to be grateful that Maxwell had not only brought Riley into his life, but also was giving her a ticket towards a job that didn’t require her to work a shitton of nights and weekends.

Drake wandered back towards the living and kitchen area, passing Riley and Kris in the narrow hallway, looking at the bathroom. He squeezed her hand as he passed them, and she threw him a little wink. He took in the main space of the apartment. They would be able to get a couch and a TV in there with their table, maybe even a bookcase. The kitchen was actually pretty nice, too. It probably had three times as much counter space as their current place. Everything here felt like it could work.

He opened the cabinets absentmindedly, half checking out the storage space, half waiting to see what Riley had to say about the place. After a couple more minutes, Riley and Kris came back out.

“Alright, well I’ll give you two a minute to talk it over,” said Kris, heading to the door, “I’ll be back in a few and you can let me know if you want to go forward with a lease.”

“Sounds good. Thanks, Kris.” said Riley, leaning against the end of the counter.

As soon as the door latched, Riley looked up at Drake, “So what do you think?”

“I think it’s great. It feels too good, to be honest. How bad’s the rent?”

Riley paused for a couple seconds, “1850.”

“That can’t be right. That’s less than what we’re paying now, and it’s so much bigger.”

She chuckled a little bit, “Well, that’s the beauty of not living in a prime neighborhood.”

Drake just shook his head. He considered this location to be far more desirable than their current one, but he knew he was in the minority there. “What do you think about it?”

“I think this could be a really good fit for us.”

“You’re okay with his neighborhood?”

She nodded and gave him a smile, “This is a pretty diverse area of the city, so the restaurant options are good, and there’s decent access to the Q and F trains, so the commute shouldn’t be too bad.” She stood up and joined him further in the kitchen, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Let’s be real, Drake. I’m not going to be as hard to please with this as you are. So, you gotta be honest with me. Can you see yourself here?”

He nodded, “Yeah, Liu. I can. I love this place.”

“Really?”

“Really. Is she willing to lease to us?”

“It seems like it. It sounds like her last tenant moved out unexpectedly, and her late partner used to handle the financial side of things, so she just wants to rent it out as quickly as possible.”

“And she’s cool with Anderson?”

“She told me she’s fine with small breeds.”

“Great, let’s sign.”

“Woah there,” she said, laughing, “And they say I’m the impulsive one.”

“What’s to discuss, Liu? Do you think we’re gonna find a better place than this one?”

She just shook her head and shrugged a little.

“Okay, then I stand by my statement  - we should sign the lease today. If she’s motivated to lease this unit quickly, don’t we need to jump on it?”

“I just want you to be sure, Drake,” Riley said, biting her lip slightly before she continued, “Last time you moved on a whim, things kind of… blew up for us for a while.”

Drake let out a little snort, “I think this is a little different, Liu.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, “That may be the case, but I want us to actually take a minute and think about this. Make sure we can see ourselves here, okay?” And with that she plopped down on the floor, laying back and closing her eyes.

“Uh, Liu… what the fuck are you doing?”

She opened one eye and squinted at him, “I’m just taking a moment to tune out everything else and think about this. You should try it,” she said, waving him down.

Drake rolled his eyes, but sat down on the kitchen floor and leaned back slowly in the opposite direction. This seemed dumb as hell, but if it’s what she needed from him to not feel like he was going to flake out on her, he would do it.

They laid like that for almost a minute, breathing slowly. No fears or concerns or worries crept into his mind, which he was pretty sure was the point of this exercise. He wasn’t sure how long they were supposed to do this, but then he heard her moving and felt her curl her body against his head, snaking her hand under his neck and resting her head on his chest.

“So, any reservations about his place?” she asked.

He opened his eyes and glanced down at her. Her eyes were staring back at him, wide and dark.

“None,” he said shaking his head slightly, “I think the fact that there’s enough floor space in the kitchen for us to do this has just convinced me even more.”

She chuckled softly, tracing soft circles along his neck with her fingers. “So, you want to sign the lease then?”

“Yeah, Liu,” he said, letting his eyes fall shut at her soothing touch, “This feels like home.”

Permatag: @speedyoperarascalparty @mfackenthal  @lilyofchoices  @thequeenofcronuts  @jamesashtonisbae

The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir: @kingliam2019   @sirbeepsalot  @texaskitten30   @princessleac1  @ladyangel70  @dcbbw  @yaushie @octobereighth

Drake x MC only:  @jovialyouthmusic  @iplaydrake  @gibbles82  @drakewalkerisreal  @riley--walker​ @notoriouscs​  @butindeed​  @addictedtodrakefanfic​  

It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment: @wickedgypsymoon  @thesumofmychoices​  @cosigottahavefaith​   @thequeenchoices​  @katedrakeohd​  @feartheendlesssummer​  @ao719​  @ooo-barff-ooo​   @sunnyxdazed​

[ilivesoilove0123]

I wrote a thing tell me how it is

Part 1

I often look at my life and wonder where it all went wrong. Was it when my first boyfriend started to abuse me? Or was it before? Have I always been this much of a loser?

I’m pretty sure the answer to that is yes. Yes I have always been a loser. But that never stopped this loser from having a small crush on a guy in high school. No it’s not this cliché girl crushes on the most popular guy in school thing. He had a decent amount of friends from what I saw. He wasn’t popular, not by a long shot. But neither was I.

He was pretty cute, though. Very cute if I was being honest. He had this sort of boy next door thing going on. That, coupled with his taste in music and sense of humor had me hooked girlfriend, let me tell you. He had that awful Bieber haircut before it was even a thing, like most of the boys did back then. Except his hair was brown, and he had the most amazing brown eyes. I’m swooning just thinking about him.

But alas, that’s all it was, a crush. No matter how much I wished and fantasized and hoped and prayed, he never looked my way. And I had come to terms with that and I was content just admiring from afar. I mean, why would someone like him be interested in someone like me anyway? I wasn’t pretty, or very smart. I hated waking up in the mornings and I would rather read than actually pay attention in school. I hated most of my classmates and had very few friends. On top of that I had very low self-esteem. My hair was always a mess and my skin was splotchy. Why would anyone like me? Hell, I barely even liked myself.

When high school ended and everyone went their separate ways and I put my crush on the back burner. It wasn’t like I’d ever see him again. We never really crossed that many paths in high school, why would it change now? I found someone new and started going out with them. And before I knew it, 2 years had gone by before I thought of him again.

At first it was more of a, “I wonder what happened to him?” thing. But then I really got to thinking and trying to find out about him and where he’s at in life. So, I did some research.

And found nothing, NOTHING! It was like he had disappeared off the face of the planet. It was so frustrating.

And then I put him and my small I swear crush back to the back burner and tried to focus on the relationship I was actually in. And what a great relationship it was. At first anyway, but the then things went south. He started getting abusive.

It began with just mental abuse. A “you’re so stupid why don’t you ever pay attention?” here and then a “I wish I never met you.” there. Sprinkle it with a little, “sometimes I think about killing you.” and you have my man at the time. Wonderful guy, huh?

I know what you’re thinking-because it’s something I’ve often wondered myself, “why didn’t you just leave him?” And you’re right. I should have left him, he was horrible. But remember the low self-esteem thing I talked about earlier? Yeah it did this wonderful thing to me and made me think that he was the best I was going to get. A-a-and it wasn’t so bad. He had his good moments too. He could be so sweet when he wanted to be.

Until he started to get worse.

And he started to get worse around the time we had a child together. A wonderful, beautiful baby boy that I was just so in love with. He was the best baby in the world and I’m totally being biased but I don’t care.

One day when I came home from work shortly after being released from maternity leave he was drunk and the baby was asleep. I didn’t think anything bad at first. He was being so sweet and I just couldn’t say no to him. But my baby wasn’t making any noise at all and that was unusual because he was always making some sort of noise and he never slept through the night.

Turns out that my baby had died that day. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome was the diagnosis. I had no proof but in my heart I just knew that he killed my baby. And yet still I had decided to stay with him.

Foolish, I know. But you see, he had started to physically abuse me right after the baby was born. And as long as it was just me he was abusing I thought I could handle it.

But then my baby died and I became depressed. I thought that I deserved it. That, because I didn’t get out before he did something to my baby that it was my fault. Of course, deep down I knew that wasn’t all true. But all of that abuse did that to me.

It’s funny though. In the end it wasn’t me that got out, it was him. It had turned out that for the last year and a half of our relationship he had been seeing some young, fresh in college girl. And one day he just… didn’t come home. Didn’t contact me after that either.

In the beginning I was devastated. I was attached to the man. He was my first boyfriend for gods sake. I had been convinced that he was the one.

God how stupid I was.

One good thing that came out of our relationship was he encouraged me to become a nurse’s assistant at a nursing home. And I was actually good at it. I loved that place, I still do in fact.

It’s at this place that, five years after I had given up my search for something, anything about the guy I had a very small I swear to god crush on I thought of him again. It had been spur of the moment at first. The other girls on my team were talking about their celebrity crushes. And that made me think back to a time when I was just a naïve little loser with a crush on a cute guy. Then I thought, “I wonder how life is going for him. I hope he’s happy.”

Life works in mysterious ways. It kicks you down time and time again but then it gives you some hope. Hope for what, you never know. But they always say things happen for a reason. They say God puts people in your path for a purpose. I wonder about this a lot. What was the point of putting this awful man in my path? I’m afraid I’ll never know the answer. I’m more afraid of the reason why I don’t want to know.

I don’t know if it was God or fate or coincidence that put this next person in my life. But I’ll forever be grateful.

A week or so after my reminiscent episode we got a new resident. In a nursing home you’re bound to get residents coming in and out. Some stay forever and some leave forever. It’s part of life. You tell yourself you’re not going to get attached but it’s a lie. Spending that much time with someone day in and day out means you’re bound to get attached. And boy did I get attached.

You see, the resident was a sweet little thing. She told stories about her younger years and how she went about raising four boys all on her own. She was a remarkable woman. She loved to make jokes and always told me about her grandson and kept dropping hints about him. It started off innocently enough. “My grandson is about your age.” She told me on her first day with us after I had introduced myself and told her how old I was. “ In fact, you two probably went to school together!” she added with a smile.

I just smiled back and said, “We might have.” I hadn’t wanted to let her down that I in fact hated most of the boys at my school. I had hoped it would end there. And it probably would have if I hadn’t opened my mouth about being so very, very single.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t think I was ready for another relationship just yet. It had only been a year since my ex disappeared and I was still dealing with the traumatic stress it caused me. Plus, I was depressed and had very bad anxiety when it came to talking to people who might have a romantic interest in me. But sometimes it would get to me. Especially when I was the only one out of my coworkers that was single. I felt lonely sometimes. And the loneliness would get to me from time to time.

One of those times was when I was taking care of that sweet lady.

“You know, my grandson,” she began after I had gotten done telling her that I did in fact not have a child and that I was single. “he’s single too.” She said with a wink. “And he’s quite the looker. When he comes to visit when you’re not here all the girls just fawn all over him.”

I could believe that. The girls I worked with fawned over a lot of the relatives that came in for the residents. It had become a thing we constantly joked about with each other. Like, “Hey Tricia, your future husband just walked in.” said with a sly little wink right before a residents son walks by on his way to see his mom.

And I had actually asked the girls that were here on one of the days he had come to see his grandma. Well, they were the ones that brought up the fact that they had, once again, gotten the chance to see and talk to him while I was away. “Your man came by yesterday Breanne.” One of the girls had said to me as soon as I walked in one day. All of the other girls snickered at her sentence.

They could be so juvenile some times. But I guess I liked them. Who am I kidding? I loved those girls. Even if they teased me about my residents mysterious grandson.

I had just sighed. “He’s not my man Trish.” I said to her as I put my stuff away. “I’ve never even met the guy. Besides, is he even as cute as she keeps saying?” I asked with an immediate response of, “heck yeah!” from all of the girls. So that had answered my question.

And on this particular day-the day I had asked my coworkers about the grandson-was one of the days where I was feeling especially down. It was actually supposed to have been my anniversary. So I was feeling really sad because it made me realize, yet again, how alone I was.

Maybe that’s why, instead is just saying okay, I jokingly replied to her with, “Maybe you should put in a good word for me grandma.” She preferred if I called her grandma. When I asked her why she had said that she never had any granddaughters and left it at that. I didn’t question why it was just me she let call her that, we just had a special bond.

She just smiled in return and changed the subject The next day, I was painting her nails-because she saw mine the day before and just had to have me do them for her when she found out I has done them myself. Surprisingly she hadn’t brought up her mystery grandson yet. Not that I was complaining. It gets tiring hearing about someone everyday when you’re still so lonely.

“I haven’t had my nails done in so long dearie.” She said as she watched me carefully paint her thumb. “This means so much to me dear, you don’t even realize.” That sentence made me pause and put the tiny nail polish brush back in its container.

It’s easy to take stuff for granted. Like something as simple as getting your nails painted. This was one of the reasons I love doing what I do. After having gone through so much myself and experienced the things I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, coming in here every day always makes me appreciate the little things in life. Even if I don’t have anyone to share them with.

That’s why I think I was so down that day and the one before it. I had all of these things to appreciate but no one to appreciate them with.

I grabbed the hand that didn’t have nail polish on it in both of my hands and looked into her face. Her eyes had always looked so familiar to me. But on this day when I looked at her, I could almost, for a split second, picture him sitting here in front of me.

But that was impossible. I was never going to see him again. I needed to forget about him.

So I mentally shook myself, smiled at her, and said, “I’m glad I could help grandma.” After that I went back to work on her nails.

“My grandson is coming to the family dinner dear.” She vocalized when I was getting her ready for bed after her nails had dried. “You should come.”

Each year the nursing home would have a big family dinner for the residents and their families and the employees and their families. It was a wonderful affair that got rave reviews every year. But it was also chaotic. I had been unlucky enough to have to work during that time every year since I started, until that year. I was so happy and didn’t plan on coming at all. Well, unless my nursing home grandma told me to I guess.

But still, I was reluctant. “I don’t know grandma.” I replied after taking her socks off for her. “I kind of had other plans that day.” she frowned at me. “Why are you so intent on me meeting your grandson anyway?” I quickly continued before she could comment about how she knew for a fact that I didn’t actually have any plans that day.

She had a twinkle in her eyes when she replied vaguely with, “Let’s just call it grandma’s intuition. Besides,” she continued as she put her hand on my cheek. “I just want my two favorite people in the world to meet.” I smiled at this as she patted my cheek. “Now,” she said as she took her hand off of my cheek. “these dentures aren’t going to brush themselves and grannies tired, chop chop.” She clapped as I sighed and continued to get her ready for bed.

After a lot of pleading from both “grandma” and my coworkers on her behalf I decided to attend. I had dressed my best and actually put makeup on because I just knew that “grandma” would throw a fit if I didn’t look my best.

Surprisingly, for once, I wasn’t nervous that day. I usually have really bad anxiety when I have to attend functions. I’ve learned it stems from my first boyfriend and how he would get mad at the smallest things I did. Gosh how I hate that man.

It was weird being on the other side of the dinner. Usually I’m running around trying to stay out of the way of the ones whose families actually came while trying to make sure those that didn’t have anyone there get their meal as well.

These sort of things are bittersweet for people working at nursing homes. While it fills our heart with joy to see those whose family care about them and come whenever they can, it saddens us to see those who only have the workers. It always breaks my heart when a resident asks where their family is. I never have the heart to tell them I’ve never seen or heard of them coming in the time I’ve worked there. And the family dinners are no exception for me.

[chocobroobsession]

Fell in Love with the Girl at the Rock Show

Author’s Note: Yes, I took the title from Blink 182′s “The Rock Show”. (Coincidentally, I’ve never seen them in concert.) I had been discussing my past concert experiences with a coworker when this idea popped into my head. How would Ignis react to going to the type of concerts I go to? So this is what I came up with. I took inspiration from my own personal concert experiences and from one of my friend’s. I had several bands and concerts in mind when I wrote this, so that’s why it may seem like a weird mix of events. Ignis x fem!reader. Word count: 6500

Ignis wasn’t quite sure what to think the moment he laid his eyes on you. The Crownsguard favored the black attire of the Lucian royalty, and honestly, you looked like you could fit right in with Noctis and his group. Only, you weren’t part of their group.

He looked you over, his eyes traveling down and then back up, and gulped. Asymmetrical haircut, several studs in each ear, black eye makeup, a choker, some sort of t-shirt with nonsense written on it, dark skinny jeans, and leather motorcycle boots was all he saw at first. You looked like you fit in with Noctis and Prompto, alright. He felt almost slightly intimidated by your intense stare, but once his eyes met yours, he was deeply smitten. Your eyes bore into his and he suddenly appreciated the beauty beyond the interesting wardrobe.

Ignis had been walking around Insomnia with Noctis, Gladio, and Prompto in search of a diner. Ignis had insisted on cooking for the group, but Noctis wouldn’t hear of it. Tonight was about relaxing and enjoying the summer night. They had almost made it to the restaurant when Prompto spied you walking in their direction up ahead.

“Hey, isn’t that (Y/N)?” he excitedly nodded in your direction.

Noctis turned his head and blinked. “Oh yeah, I think it is.”

Ignis and Gladio exchanged a look of confusion and turned back towards the younger members of the group.

“Hey, (Y/N)! How’s it going?” Prompto suddenly yelled.

You hadn’t been paying any attention to the group of men ahead of you on the sidewalk. You were too busy checking your phone, looking up concert dates. You jerked your head up as they approached, a flicker of recognition crossing your expression.

“Oh hey, Prompto! And Prince Noctis! Ha, I haven’t seen you two in years—since graduation. How’s it going?” You stashed your phone in your pocket as the group encircled you on the sidewalk.

“It’s been too long! Things are going great! We’re just heading out for some food. Wanna join us?” Prompto offered without consulting the rest of the group.

You glanced at the two tall men in your former classmates’ wake. One was large and burly and almost looked like he should be in a biker gang while the other, although dressed in dark colors adorned with skulls, looked too posh to be in the company of the other three. You saw him give you a once over, and though you assumed he was scrutinizing you, your eyes were met with a soft, curious sea of emerald. You were definitely intrigued. “Um, sure, if that’s okay with all of you? Prince Noctis?”

Noctis smiled. “How many times have I told you to drop the ‘prince’ part? Just Noctis. Sheesh, you’re as bad as when we were in high school.”

“Ah, so you all know each other from school then,” Ignis spoke up. “I’m Ignis Scientia, by the way, and this is Gladio Amicitia.” He motioned from himself to his friend and you smiled.

“I’ve heard those names before from Noctis. The advisor and the shield. It’s nice to put names to faces now. I was in the same grade as Noctis and Prompto. I had several classes with them and I sometimes ate lunch with them.”

“Yeah, and she had the best taste in music!” Prompto piped up.

Pink tinged your cheeks. “Well, I don’t know about that. But I’m glad you enjoyed what I picked out to play. I don’t know about you, but I still listen to the same type of music. I’ve expanded a bit and I listen to harder stuff as well, but I can’t say I’ve changed too much there.”

“Prompto still listens to anything and everything, but he still loves all the bands you introduced us to,” Noctis added.

Ignis had no idea what you were referring to, but he found you interesting all the same. You ate with the guys and you all chatted for hours. Ignis was surprised to know that in spite of your rocker appearance, you were part of the professional workforce.

“Looks can be deceiving, huh?” you winked at him, causing him to blush in return. You could tell he was a skeptic, but you could also tell he wasn’t one to judge based on class. Prompto was a commoner such as yourself and yet he was best friends with the crown prince of Lucis. Ignis asked about your shirt design, and you laughed and explained that it was for a band. In fact, you had recently picked it up at their concert.

“I mean, I’m a professional and all and I am used to dressing up and carrying myself with an air of eloquence and dignity, but honestly, I need an escape sometimes. That’s why I love concerts. I can be myself—let my hair down, so to speak. The music, the crowd, the atmosphere—it just gets you on this high and it lasts for weeks. I love it!” you sighed happily, thinking about all the fun you recently had at that last concert.

At the end of the evening, you were surprised when Ignis lingered while the others made their way out of the diner. He seemed to struggle internally as he fought to pick out the right words to say. You had a feeling you knew where this was going, so rather than torture him with silence you boldly asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime. Relief washed over his handsome face and the two of you exchanged digits. You had never been the type of woman to go for someone who seemed so regal and polished, but you were attracted to the prince’s advisor all the same.

One wouldn’t think that the two of you had much in common, but surprisingly you did. Dating Ignis Scientia was effortless and you couldn’t be happier. Ignis adored you and loved how passionate you were about various things in your life—your family, your friends, your job, him. And even your beloved concerts. As much as you had in common, the two of you did not share musical tastes. Ignis was used to the popular rock and pop bands the radio stations blared thanks to Prompto’s insistence that he who rides shotgun controls the radio. While the music didn’t annoy Ignis, he didn’t exactly go out of his way to listen to it on his own, either. At home, he preferred to listen to soft instrumentals while he cooked. You, on the other hand, liked to listen to music with heavier rhythms and screaming vocals he failed to understand. He thought they sounded garbled and weird. You didn’t mind, however. You could be fairly versatile when it came to music, so if anything had to be played while you were in the car with your boyfriend, you let him control the stations. You weren’t going to subject him to your tastes because as much as your similarities brought you close, your differences shaped you as well and made life with your boyfriend amusing.

After months of dating, a trial of sorts sprung up. You had attended several concerts without Ignis at this point, simply because you didn’t want to burden him with something he probably wouldn’t enjoy. You always had a friend who was eager to go with you, and Ignis wanted you to have a night out to de-stress and have fun. He even gifted you with tickets for one of those concerts himself. You had thought it was sold out, but he miraculously produced a pair for you and your friend and you couldn’t help but wonder if he somehow used his position to score your admission, but he kept his lips sealed. This time, a concert was quickly approaching and panic was setting in. You had a second ticket but no one to claim it. All of your usual concert buddies were busy or couldn’t take off work.

Ignis came over to your apartment after work and you unloaded your woes onto him. “Hmm, why not ask Prompto to go with you?”

You let out an exasperated sigh. “I did, but he already promised Noctis he’d go to that midnight video game release the same night!”

Ignis’s face fell. “Right. I had forgotten all about that. Noctis has several meetings to attend the following day but he insists on going to that release. I don’t know why video games and movies have to premier at midnight during the week.”

“But Ignis, it’s more fun when things come out then! You get to stay up all night and finally get the thing you’ve been waiting months for! You’re exhausted, hungry, and cranky, but getting it makes up for it!” you laughed.

He smiled warmly at you. “I suppose I see the appeal. Although I must say, your concerts occur on odd days. The weekends make sense, but a Thursday night? Do you really not have anyone else you could ask? Even Gladio?”

You snorted. “Ignis, Gladio may look like he fits in at the concerts I go to, but we both know that big softy prefers pop music to what I listen to. I guess I’ll just have to go by myself.”

“I’m sorry, darling,” Ignis patted your arm. He then thought a moment before adding, “Actually, why don’t I accompany you?”

You couldn’t hold back the cackle that escaped your throat. “Ignis, get real! You don’t even like my music! I know you’ve had combat training and you’re a strong man, but I don’t know that you could handle this!”

He pretended to be offended. “You dare say I cannot handle a simple rock concert? Darling, if there’s anything that offends me more, it’s when people underestimate me. How bad could it be? You go to these all the time. I would gladly escort you to the concert.”

“Don’t make it sound so dignified, Ignis. It’s not a ball. Just a concert. And they can be really…rough sometimes,” you snorted.

“Define ‘rough’.”

“Well…” you began, absentmindedly scratching the back of your head. “About a year ago, I was at this concert and I nearly got trampled by a crowd surge. We were so packed in there, my feet literally left the floor for a solid five minutes before I got dropped. I’ve sported several injuries after a concert before. It’s a pain in the ass to cover when I have to go to work the next day, but I’ve managed in the past. Plus most venues have bars, so you can imagine the type of people you encounter when alcohol is involved. I’ve had beer thrown on me more times than I can count! Plus other venues allow smoking so you come out reeking of cigarettes. I’m used to that by now, but I have a feeling you’ve never been in such places.”

Ignis was stunned. He hadn’t considered the concert environment before. He never saw you until the day after your concerts when you had slept it off and showered. You had indicated that the recent concerts had been rather tame compared to what you sometimes attended, and this upcoming concert had the potential to be one of the rougher ones. He wasn’t sure what he was plunging into, but he loved you and wanted to ensure your happiness. “Like I said, do not underestimate me, darling. I am going with you.”

You couldn’t help but throw your arms around your boyfriend and plant a lingering kiss on his lips. “Thank you so much, Ignis! You’re literally the best! I really hate going alone, so you’re saving me here. I really hope you’re not miserable. It could be fun, you know?”

He chuckle and pulled you into his lap. “Well, this will be an interesting venture, that’s for sure.” Though he couldn’t deny seeing you beam like that melted him, he also worried that he was in over his head.

The day of the concert arrived and you met him at his apartment. You let yourself in and was surprised to be met with an empty room. You listened intensely and noted a shuffling noise coming from his bedroom. You entered the room and suppressed a giggle at the sight of your boyfriend. He was standing in front of his closet in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs and socks. He had a hand on his chin as he pondered what to wear. There were clothes strewn about the room—lying on the bed, crumpled on the floor, hanging out of drawers. Ignis was too lost in thought to notice your arrival.

You snuck up behind him and wrapped your arms around his bare torso. He jumped at the unexpected contact. “Having trouble there, dear?” you allowed a small giggle to escape as you noted the blush spreading across his cheeks as he turned to face you, still in your arms.

“Is it really time for the concert already? I intended to be ready before you arrived!”

“I figured that. Can’t decide what to wear to your first concert?”

He bowed his head in shame. “Yes. I don’t want to stick out but I also have no idea what to put on.”

You smiled and nuzzled your face into his chiseled pecs. “Don’t stress, love. Just be yourself. Believe me, you won’t stick out. I’ve seen a variety of people at concerts and you’re nowhere near as weird as some of them.”

He rubbed his face into your hair. “Wait, are you calling me weird?”

“Maybe. But it’s okay because I’m weirder,” you laughed as you broke the embrace to browse his closet.

“But what exactly is weird for a concert, though?” he asked as you searched through his vast closet.

“Well, at this one concert, I thought I had missed some sort of memo when I walked in to find that most of the women were in lingerie. I hadn’t seen that band live before, so I wasn’t sure what their usual fans were like. For real, most of them wore the kind of outfits I reserve for the bedroom,” you explained nonchalantly.

Ignis reddened at the thought of seeing you prancing around a public concert in the lingerie set he recently purchased for you. “Oh, well, normally I am supportive of people dressing how they please, but that seems a tad out there.”

“Oh, I agree,” you replied. “It was just kinda funny. I felt like I was the odd one out in my shorts and t-shirt—like I was the one who was overdressed! There was even this one woman pulling her man around on a leash. He was wearing leather pants and a harness.”

You turned towards Ignis momentarily to gage his reaction, and you were amused to see that he wore a worried expression. “Ignis, relax! I’ve seen this main band before. The fans wear actual clothes. We’ll be fine.”

Finally discovering what you had been searching for, you held up a shirt and pants and asked, “What about these? I’ve seen you wear this outfit once. You’ll want to be comfy and wear something you don’t mind possibly getting dirty.”

“Alright, I suppose that will do,” he replied as he held out his hand to take the garments.

The two of you left his place not looking quite as mismatched as usual. You wore a low-cut black tank top, dark skinny jeans, and black high-top sneakers. You shouldn’t have been surprised to see that Ignis had never owned a pair of sneakers at any point in his life. Luckily, his boots worked out well with his black pants and grey t-shirt. He fiddled with his black leather gloves as the two of you walked towards your car.

“Nervous?” you arched an eyebrow.

“No, nervous isn’t the right word. I do not know what to anticipate. It bothers me when I cannot get a feel for what I’m getting myself into. Your stories of past concert experiences are so peculiar and varied.”

“So, the strategist can’t stand going in without a proper strategy. Makes sense,” you reasoned. “It will be fine, Iggy. Trust me. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

“Bad? Happen to me? Darling, I can’t say I’m going into this with high hopes if all my combat training will go to waste and I’ll have to rely on your tiny form to protect me,” he attempted to suppress his grin but the gleam in his eyes gave him away.

“Ha, ha, very funny. I may not be trained up like you and the rest of the Crownsguard, but I can hold my own at concerts. Being short, I had to learn to fend for myself or get eaten alive. You’ll see what it’s like when we get there.”

Ignis allowed you to drive your car since he didn’t know where the venue was, plus you insisted that the part of town it was in wasn’t meant for the more upscale vehicles such as his. “You know, you’re really not putting me at ease here,” he sighed as he stared out the passenger’s side window.

“Ah, Ignis, you know how it is. I don’t feel bad coming into this part of town. Not really. All of the concert-goers walk in big clumps so we feel safe, but if you’re late getting in you don’t end up in a monitored parking lot. My friend ended up blocks away in the rain once and her car got keyed. I try to see the best in people, but there are always undesirables who take advantage of the situation. I just don’t want you to have to worry about that sort of thing.”

“For something so small, you attempt to act rather tough darling, but so far you’ve proven yourself to be quite the softie,” Ignis mused as he reached over to tousle your hair.

You shot him a sideways grin. “Yeah, well, you’ll see how it gets once we get inside. Concerts do things to people. I just hope this doesn’t scare you off or anything.”

Ignis still wasn’t sure what you meant by your seemingly ominous warnings, but if he could face someone such as Cor the Immortal in combat training, then surely he could handle this rock concert. You were able to score a spot in one of the secure parking lots by the venue and you laughed, happy that the price wasn’t too steep. Ignis was appalled at the amount of gil you shelled out, but you quickly explained you had encountered worse and that really the price was worth it and he would understand more about what you meant after the concert.

The two of you filed into the queue outside of the building and waited for nearly an hour before the doors were opened to let everyone in. You were accustomed to having to turn out your pockets and be patted down before entering, but it still bothered you every time the female security guard popped your bra in the front.

“What was that for? I understand being patted down for security measures, but popping your undergarment like that?” Ignis spoke as he placed a hand on your back as you walked through the double doors into the building.

“Eh, I don’t like that part, but it’s to make sure I didn’t smuggle anything in my bra. People do that, you know. Even after going through security, people manage to pull all sorts of ‘contraband’ items out. It’s fine though. The first time it happened it caught me off guard and I thought she was trying to cop a feel. Just wait until it gets packed inside. You get accidentally grabbed in all sorts of ways when the crowd surges.”

Never one for PDA, this bit of information worried Ignis a tad, but he gulped and followed you into the unknown. He was surprised at how quickly the place filled up, even though the two of you had been fairly close to the front of the line. He noted the building excitement in you, especially when you realized how close to the stage you were and how there weren’t too many tall people to block your view. Your comment made him self-conscious, seeing as how he was six feet tall. He glanced around, but thankfully he didn’t see any significantly shorter people behind him; he would have felt guilty for blocking their view.

After some time had passed, the opening band took the stage. The crowd went wild with people cheering, screaming, and whistling. Ignis was shocked to find the origin of one particularly loud cheer came from your mouth, but you just smiled and shrugged.

“My, you are quite the enthusiast, darling,” he grinned down at you.

You rolled your eyes and returned his smile. “What can I say? I told you, the energy in this place is ridiculous and infectious. Plus I really like these guys. I’ve never seen them live before, so I hope they sound as good now as they do on their record.”

The music started and Ignis thought his eardrums were going to burst out of his ears. It was incredibly loud when the guitarist struck his opening chord. He took note of the location of the speakers and cringed when he realized you had maneuvered the two of you right by an impressively large congregation of them. He idly wondered if he should have brought ear plugs, but it was too late now. The song started up and the crowd began moving to the rhythm. Ignis looked down to see that you moved right along with the music, jumping up and down with the beat, one hand in the air, singing along. The cacophony was nearly unbearable, but seeing that look of pure joy on your face tugged at his heartstrings.

After the first couple of songs, Ignis began to appreciate the music a little more. The songs were rather catchy, and even he found himself bobbing his head to the beat. You stole a glance at him every so often, and it warmed your heart to see that he wasn’t miserable like you feared he would be. This could turn out to be a great concert after all.

The opening band just had one more song to go, and you knew it was going to be their most popular song. Just as the bass played the intro, a mosh pit suddenly opened up beside you. You quickly grabbed Ignis by the wrist and pulled him away from the people who had jumped into the opening circle. You could barely hear the question he attempted to yell at you.

“What’s going on? What are they doing? Why are we moving?”

“Ignis, that’s a mosh pit!”

“A what?”

“A mosh pit. People get in it and jump around and dance and push. I don’t know how to describe it properly. Just watch.”

“You jump around and dance. Why don’t you want to be in that?”

It was cute how clueless Ignis was to the concert life. “Have you seen me? I’m so much smaller than those guys. Yeah, I’ve moshed before, but I’m getting older and it’s getting harder to recover from it. That, and the last time I was in one, I got hit pretty hard in the face and I nearly broke my nose. My double black eyes lasted nearly a week!”

“Goodness! That sounds awful! Perhaps we should stay back?” Ignis responded, eyes wide with concern.

Ignis put a protective arm around you and pulled you further away from the mosh pit that was quickly starting to fill with rambunctious people. You weren’t going to lie—you liked this protective side of him. Not one to linger, however, he soon dropped his arm and allowed you to jump to the beat unobstructed. The song was just moving into the chorus when you noticed a rather buff guy in a white t-shirt making his way around the outer circle of the mosh pit. You watched as he purposefully punched a girl who was standing near the edge of the pit. You couldn’t help the gasp that escaped your lips as you watched her cry out in pain and turn towards who you assumed was her boyfriend. He puffed out his chest and squared his shoulders, but the perpetrator had already moved to a different edge of the circle. You watched in horror as he danced around and punched several other women. The people in the mosh pits could be a lot to handle, but most weren’t so outwardly violent. You saw that the man was approaching your section, and you braced yourself, unsure of what was about to take place.

Prepared as you were, though, you weren’t anticipating what happened next. You had turned your head away to look at the band, only to return your gaze back to the circle where you found yourself making eye contact with the man in the white shirt. He looked you dead in the eye with an expressionless face and pulled back and landed a rather hard punch right on your bicep. You saw the punch coming, but the crowd was too packed for you to cringe away. Ignis watched it happen, as if in slow motion, unable to intervene. He had been watching how the guitarist was playing his instrument behind his head and hadn’t turned to see why you had stopped jumping until it was too late.

You cried out in pain, gripping the top of your arm. You’d been hit plenty of times at concerts, but never intentionally in such a manner. The man had punched you, no holds barred, and as tough as you tried to be, you felt a small tear escape one of your eyes. Ignis immediately leaned forward and wrapped his arms around you, careful not to put pressure on your throbbing arm. His face was right against yours as he loudly spoke in your ear.

“Oh my Gods! (Y/N) are you alright? I am so sorry I was unable to stop that ruffian. Do we need to get you out of here?”

You leaned back into Ignis, already feeling comforted by his close proximity and his scent amongst the sweaty bodies surrounding you. “It’s okay, Ignis. I’ll be fine. I’ll have a bruise, for sure, but I’ll live. Besides, look, that guy is making his rounds again.”

Ignis turned his head back towards the pit and saw that you were correct. The man in question began jumping around the circle again, punching people as he went. Ignis let go of you and straightened up. He was standing behind you, so you couldn’t see what he was doing, but you could feel the tension rolling off of him. He was angry, and you wondered what he was going to do. Ignis was never one for violence, always preferring to be civilized and best people with his intellect. You respected that about him, but in that moment, you were pissed. You wanted to give that guy a taste of his own medicine. You readied your fist and waited for him to come your way. You weren’t going to fight fair. A hit to the nose should teach him not to mess with you anymore. Just as the man got beside you, you pulled back to deliver the blow, only to watch in awe as Ignis’s gloved fist shot out of nowhere, striking the guy right in the side of the head. The man doubled over, holding his head. He then turned towards Ignis, looking thoroughly offended, acting as though he had been hit unprovoked. He slowly made his way in the opposite direction, sneaking fearful glances back at Ignis.

You knew it was petty, but you couldn’t help the cackle that slipped out. “What now! Can’t take a hit? Yeah, you better walk away!” you called after him. You turned completely around to face Ignis and saw a fire in his emerald eyes. “Ignis! Wow! What was that all about?”

Ignis breathed slowly through his nostrils, calming himself down a notch, before fixing his eyes on you. That look of concern had returned and he reached up to cup your cheek. “I don’t know what came over me. You very well know I never like to resort to violence but I don’t think there was another way to get through to that man. After he punched you and ran away like a coward, I saw him going around punching other people, namely women. It is never polite to harm any person without reason, and he needed to be stopped. Besides, he hurt you; I couldn’t just let him get away with that.”

You closed your eyes and smiled, leaning into his warm leather touch. You reached up to hold his hand to your face before speaking. “I never thought I’d be saying this, but that was the sweetest thing you have ever done. I don’t know if you saw, but I was actually about to hit him and you literally beat me to the punch. I’m a bit disappointed, but grateful all the same. Thank you, Ignis. Though I must say, I’m the one feeling like a jerk here. Did you just hear me egg him on after you hit him?”

Ignis smirked. “Yes, well, you can be naughty, kitten, but considering you’re sporting an injury, I’ll look the other way just this once.”

You laughed and turned back just in time to hear the outro to the song. The band exited the stage and you turned again to chat with Ignis until the main band made their entrance. Temporarily forgetting your throbbing arm, you threw your hands in the air and let out a whoop with the rest of the crowd. You thought you had been pumped before, but nothing compared to this feeling you possessed right now. You loved this band. You had seen them before and you tried to catch a show every time they came to the area and you already knew this would be better than their last concert.

Very quickly, as you anticipated, the crowd surged forward the moment the intro to the first song filled the room. You nearly lost your balance, but you felt Ignis’s hands grab your waist and yank you back up. The crowd continued to clump together, pushing, pulling, and tugging, but this time, you had Ignis, which meant he stood his ground and kept you from being swept away or crushed against one of the men in the immediate vicinity. There was nothing worse than having your chest flattened against a sweaty stranger’s back. Ignis sensed your uneasiness at the weight of the crowd against you, but he continued to hold you in place and shove off anyone who got too close to you. It was nice to have that kind of protection for once. Once the song continued and the crowd calmed a little, he relaxed his hold on you and you began jumping.

The concert carried on with the band playing many upbeat, hard songs. As he listened, Ignis understood why you liked the band. The drummer practically ran on the double bass and he swore he felt the beat will his heart to thrum along at the quickened pace. The bassist wove intricate lines in between the chords of the backing guitarist while the lead guitarist’s hand practically flew up and down the neck as he wowed the crowd with his impossible solos. The singer was difficult to understand at first, especially with the screaming backing vocals, but after a couple of songs, Ignis could pick out the lyrics and realized just how deep they were. No wonder you adored that band so much. In the past, Ignis would have been loath to admit it, but he was genuinely enjoying himself. The music was infectious and even he found himself smiling and jumping along with you and the rest of the crowd. When the band played a ballad, he wrapped his arms around you, kissed your cheek, and swayed along with you. Seeing Ignis actually having a good time made you love him that much more.

Ignis didn’t get so caught up in the music that he missed out on your little show. He had noted during the opening band how you sang along and jumped around, but with this band, you were livelier. You knew the lyrics to every single song and you not only sang the words, but belted them out. Your face was full of expression and he enjoyed watching you more so than the band. You started out alternating between jumping with the crowd or head-banging, but soon you threw your whole body into the rhythm, dancing while you continued to sing along.

At one point, you nearly stumbled and ceased your actions and Ignis finally tore his eyes away from you to notice why. A particularly tall man, probably taller than Gladio, had moved in front of you, obstructing your view. He couldn’t help his height and you knew it, but he had shoved you aside to stand in front of you and so you couldn’t help but be annoyed. You got to the concert early to get close to the stage so you could actually view the band and here he was literally standing in your way. Ignis peered around the man and did the only thing he could think to do. He waited for the next crowd surge to step in front of you, grab your hand, and pull you forward. After doing this several times, he managed to get the two of you even closer to the stage and you could see better than before. You turned around to thank Ignis only to be met with his lips against yours, offering a lingering kiss as opposed to a peck; you were surprised, but happy all the same.

Ignis thought your smile lit up that darkened room in that moment. There was concert chaos surrounding the two of you, but all he saw was you. He was so happy to share this experience with you. You turned back to the band and the two of you jumped and head-banged, and danced the night away until the very end. At one point, Ignis dared to take out his phone and snap a few pictures for you since he knew it was hard for you to hold your phone up and jump at the same time. He even found himself chanting for an encore with the rest of the crowd and he reached up and caught you a pick when the guitarist threw his out into the crowd.

The lights came on and you saw that you were hand in hand with the strategist. Under the harsh lights, you noted that his hair had become disheveled and stuck up at rather odd angles in places and fell in others. Beads of sweat dotted his forehead, and his glasses were slightly askew. You smiled and reached up to fix his hair. He returned the favor, tucking a stray strand back behind your ear.

You made your way to the merchandise table and bought yourself a new t-shirt with the band’s logo on it. You laughed out loud when Ignis too picked out a t-shirt for himself and then paid for both of them. You had a feeling this suave gentleman would look like a god even in a t-shirt and jeans. That was an image you didn’t want to get out of your head and couldn’t wait to witness in person.

The two of you were suddenly exhausted, but thankful you had parked close to the venue. Walking a couple of blocks would have been next to impossible in your current state. Once back in the safety of your car, you started up the engine and started to shift into reverse until Ignis’s hand on your own stopped you. You looked at your boyfriend and couldn’t deny the vast amount of adoration in his eyes.

“Darling, I had a lot of fun tonight. To be perfectly honest, I was a little apprehensive and I wasn’t sure what I had agreed to, but I really enjoyed myself. But the show those bands put on was nothing compared to the one you put on for me.”

You turned away, facing straight ahead, crimson rising to the surface of your cheeks. “What do you mean? The show I put on?”

Ignis laughed and brought your hand up to his face and kissed your knuckles. “The way you jumped and danced along. The way you sang all the lyrics. The way your face lit up when they played your favorite songs. I just found it so endearing and adorable. I am rather envious of how passionate you get. I didn’t realize music could mean so much, but the lyrics were rather emotional and deep and the music was intricate. I see now why you like going to concerts. I’m so glad I got to share this moment with you.”

“Aw, Ignis, you make it sound so poetic. It was just a rock concert. But thank you. It means the world to me that you came. I was afraid you’d hate it, but I’m really glad you had fun.”

Ignis leaned towards you and pulled you in for yet another kiss that night. “I love you, (Y/N).”

“I love you too, Ignis.” Intimate as the two of you had been, neither of you had exchanged those words before. Sweaty and tired as you were, you felt the moment was absolutely perfect.

As you pulled out of the parking lot, Ignis cleared his throat and bashfully requested, “So, darling, would it be alright if we listened to some of your music? I’m curious to know what other bands you have in your collection.”

“Of course, Ignis. I have music on my phone. Here, just plug it in to the aux cord and pick something,” you grinned.

The two of you listened to music all the way back to his place where he offered to let you spend the night since it was late. You had some clothes and a toothbrush over there, so you were more than fine taking him up on his offer.

The next day, Ignis texted you about how Noctis made fun of him for being exhausted at work even though Noctis himself had passed out in one of the royal council meetings due to having stayed up all night playing his new video game with Prompto. He said that even though he was pretty sure he was on his third whole pot of Ebony, he was happy he had accompanied you and even went so far as to ask when you planned on going to another concert and could he possibly tag along as well. Sleep-deprived as you were sitting at your desk, you couldn’t help but smile thinking about how a rock show managed to bring you and Ignis closer together.

[thesundanceghost]

are you ready for this?

@kirayukimuras & @stancy

Read on ao3

Summary:  Steve frowned, not quite sure what he was doing. “My mom wants to invite you to dinner.” It sounded more like a question than an statement. Nancy blinked, clearly surprised. “Oh,” was all she said.

September 1984

“Hey Mom, I’m going to the movies tonight, so I won’t be back until late,” Steve reminded his mother as he walked out of the kitchen.  Jackie Harrington had only gotten home an hour ago from work, but was currently hunched over a case file in the dining room.  She was never that great at separating her personal and professional lives.

“Oh?  With Natalie?” She didn’t look up from her work.

“Nancy,” he corrected for what had to be the thousandth time.  He tried not to let it get to him.  They’d never cared about his past girlfriends, so it made sense Nancy wouldn’t be their exception.  “And yeah, she’ll be there.”

“Alright dear,” she responded in that lovely parent voice that’s used for phrases like “that’s nice, dear.”  She still didn’t look up. He didn’t know why he bothered anymore.  He could stay out the whole night with Jonathan and Nancy and she probably wouldn’t even notice until he was late to dinner the next evening.

“When’s Dad coming home?” He asked on a whim.

“Who knows?” She muttered back bitterly.  Well at least it was a reaction.  “I’m sure Ms. Marilyn is keeping him quite busy at the office.”

She sneered the nickname waspishly, and he sighed at the mention of his dad’s “coworker.”  It wasn’t exactly Julia’s fault her last name was Monroe, but that didn’t stop his mother from calling her Marilyn every chance she got.  But then again, Steve really didn’t care about the reputation his father’s mistress had.

"Okay, I’m gonna go get ready to leave.”

He began to leave the room when his mother suddenly lifted her head and looked at him with wide eyes.   Oh no, he thought, already getting a bad feeling about that look.

“Steve,” his mother started, pushing her work to the side.  “You’ve been with Nancy a long time now, haven’t you?”

“Um, yeah,” he responded cautiously.  “Ten months or so.”

His mother nodded thoughtfully, and he knew that her mind was whirring.  “You’ve never dated anyone for that long before.”

Steve scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.  He knew that fact all too well.  Nancy was, well, Nancy.  It was different with her.  It always had been, even before the whole monster-killing-thing.  “Yeah, I guess not.  I like her.”

Understatement of the damn century.

His mother brightened, clasping her hands together.  “Well I think it’s time your father and I met her properly.  Over dinner. How does Thursday sound?”

Steve blinked.  “What?”

She rolled her eyes impatiently.  “Dinner, Thursday, all of us!  Your father would love to meet your girlfriend, I’m sure, and I know I would too.”

Thursday.   He sighed as he put the pieces together.  His father had gotten in the habit of “working late” on Thursdays, but if they had dinner plans, there was no way he wouldn’t show up.  It was exactly the kind of trick his mom would like to pull.

But at the same time, he wondered if it was weird that he hadn’t brought Nancy home yet, or at least, home when his parents were there.  He didn’t usually introduce his girlfriends to his parents, but his mom was right-- he didn’t usually date people for more than a few months.  Nancy had met his parents a couple of times before at back-to-school night or his Christmas party, but it had been nothing more than a “hello, goodbye” before Steve pulled her away.

“I’ll ask her,” he offered, not wanting to commit to anything yet.

“Good,” his mom said with a firm nod.  She looked at him for a moment, tilting her head to the side in observation, a crease forming between her eyes.  “You need a haircut.”

With that, she went back to her reading until Steve got the message and went upstairs.

***********

He forgot all about the conversation until Tuesday afternoon, after school had gotten out for the day.   He was sitting in the front seat of his car, which was currently parked behind a Denny’s.  Nancy was sitting in his lap, her hands tangled through his hair as she kissed his eagerly.

They didn’t do this often, mainly because they’d gotten in the habit of spending most of their free time with Jonathan.  The three of them were still navigating the ins and outs of that friendship, but Steve didn’t get the feeling that making out with Nancy whenever Jonathan was in the room would make the boy like him any more.  And while he loved spending quality time with his girlfriend, he found that never resented Jonathan’s presence.  In fact, he encouraged it.  He wasn’t sure why, and he didn’t really care to read into it, but it was better when it was the three of them.  It just was.

That being said, he’d never get tired of this.  In the list of most amazing things this world had to offer, kissing Nancy Wheeler had to be in the top three.

Steve was kissing down her neck when suddenly a thought occurred to him, and he pulled away with great difficulty.

Nancy frowned down at him.  “Why’d you stop?” she asked breathlessly, and god that voice was such a turn on for him.  He took a breath, pushing those thoughts out of his mind for a second.

“I had something to ask you, actually,” he said slowly.

Nancy let her hands drop to her sides, and leant back against the steering wheel, looking curious.  “Okay.”

Steve frowned, not quite sure what he was doing.  “My mom wants to invite you to dinner.”  It sounded more like a question than an statement.

Nancy blinked, clearly surprised.  “Oh,” was all she said.

He felt the need to explain.  “I mean, I think it’s more about giving my dad a real reason to show up to dinner, but I don’t know, I mean, we’ve been dating almost a year, right?  I guess it makes sense that they want to meet you.  Not that you haven’t met them before, but I suppose she wants to do it properly.”

Nancy nodded slowly.  “Yeah, that makes sense.”

Steve coughed, glancing away from his girlfriend’s eyes.  “I mean, if you don’t want to go, I can totally make something up.  She’ll probably forget about it in a week--”

“Do you want me to go?” Nancy asked, bringing his eyes back to him.  She looked earnest and expectant.

“I’m the one asking you, aren’t I?” he grumbled back, not sure what else to say.

Nancy rolled her eyes.  “You said your mom wants to invite me to dinner.  You didn’t say anything about what you want.  So?”

Steve shifted uncomfortably beneath her.  “I don’t know.  I mean, like, I’ve met your parents and everything, and hell I’m basically living in your house half the time, and I guess--”

“Steve.” Nancy cut him off.  She leaned closer to him, a small smile on her lips.  “Do you want me to meet your parents?  Formally?”

Steve swallowed.  “Yeah.  Yeah I do.”

Nancy grinned and kissed him again, and he responded eagerly.  He weaved his hand through her hair, which she had just cut short the week before.  After a second he pulled back again.

“I’m not guaranteeing it won’t be a mess, my parents are crazy.”

“Shut up and help me think of what to wear.”

***********

Steve was on edge for the entirety of Thursday.  Nancy spent the whole lunch reassuring him that it would be fine with Jonathan chuckled at them over his sandwich.  Steve, who didn’t understand what was so amusing about his panic, glared at Jonathan until he rolled his eyes and looked away.

He had an off period that day so he went home early, stopping by the store on the way home to get flowers and ingredients for dinner.  He’d told his mom he’d be in charge of food for the night, so he got to work on the pasta and salad as soon as he could.  Working in the kitchen calmed him somewhat, and he was grateful for the distraction.

His parents arrived home from work at 5:30, just like they’d promised, and both of them disappeared into their room to change.  They didn’t offer to help, but he didn’t mind.  He wanted to be in control of as many things as possible, not wanting to leave anything to chance.

He couldn’t believe he was so nervous.  It was just one dinner-- people did things like this all the time.  But he’d always kept his parents separate from Nancy and Jonathan, and the idea of those two worlds overlapping for a whole night gave him goosebumps.

The dinner preparation went smoothly.  He cooked the sauce just like he’d learned at the Wheelers a couple weeks ago, and it smelled great.  He was going to have to thank Karen for the recipe.  He set everything out on the table, making sure the plates and silverware were in the right places before darting up the stairs to get ready.  He didn’t think too much about the clothes, just throwing on some black pants and pulling on a clean shirt, and then moved onto his hair, spending at least twenty minutes making sure it looked perfect.

Nancy was scheduled to arrive at 7, and the doorbell rang at 6:58.  Steve felt his heartbeat speed up instantly as he went to open the door.

As soon as he saw Nancy, he felt a calm rush over him.  She looked beautiful.  Her short hair was curled and pinned out of her face, and she was wearing a plaid skirt and blue sweater that brought out her eyes.  He smiled at her, leaning against the doorway in an attempt to look charming.

“Hey,” he greeted her, hoping his voice didn’t sound shaky.

“Hey yourself,” she answered, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him chastely.

“You ready?” He asked her softly after they broke apart, and she squeezed his hand in response.  He grinned and led her through the living room to the dining room where his parents were talking.

“Mom, Dad, you remember Nancy?” He introduced.  His parents stopped speaking and turned to the pair, both smiling.

“Hi, Mrs. Harrington, Mr. Harrington,” Nancy greeted politely, shaking both of his parents’ hands with a smile.  “Thank you for having for me over.”

“It’s our pleasure, Nancy,” Steve’s mother responded happily.  “It’s about time we did this, don’t you think?”

“Of course,” Nancy said in response.

“Well why don’t we eat before the food gets cold?  Steve worked very hard on dinner.  He was quite determined,” Jackie said, raising an eyebrow at her son, and Nancy giggled.  Steve smiled at his mom.  Sometimes he forgot how warm she could be when she had an audience.

They sat down at the table, Sean and Jackie sitting across from the young couple.  There was a moment that Steve had to take in the setting around him.  He could barely remember the last time all three of the Harringtons had eaten dinner together in their own home. He hid a smile, strangely content to be there with his family.

They passed the serving dishes around quickly enough and filled their plates with food, making small conversation about “how was your day” and “did you get here alright” and such.  Steve wanted to dig in and see if it was good, but he held back, subconsciously waiting for Nancy to go first.

Nancy took a bite of pasta, making a noise of satisfaction.  She swallowed and smiled at him.  “This is great, Steve.  Karen would be proud.”

Her voice was teasing, but Steve grinned at the compliment, feeling immensely proud of himself.

“Karen?” His mother asked as she served herself salad.  “Who’s Karen?”

Nancy blinked, a bit caught off guard.  “Oh,” she explained with a laugh.  “My mother.  It’s a bit of a joke between us, since she’s been teaching Steve to cook for a while.  I never liked cooking, so she’s thrilled to finally have a willing student.”

Steve chuckled to himself, taking a bite of food.  It was good.

“You don’t like cooking?” Sean asked, frowning at Nancy.

“Not really, it’s not really my specialty,” Nancy admitted with a sheepish smile.  Steve smirked at her.  She wasn’t lying-- she was far too impatient to follow a recipe, and didn’t have the proper instincts to follow her gut.

Sean kept frowning. “You know, that’s an important skill for a young woman to learn.”

Steve blinked, unable to help the slightly shocked look he cast as his father.   Why did he have to go there? He stole a look at his girlfriend, who looked more than a bit embarrassed.

“Yeah, I guess,” Nancy answered awkwardly.  Steve bit his lip, feeling nervous again.  It wasn’t like his father had any room to talk anyway-- he didn’t know shit about cooking.

“Maybe I’ll get the hang of it soon,” Nancy spoke up again with a relaxed smile.  He mirrored it, and his father looked pleased as well.

“So how long have you two been together now?” Jackie asked, looking between them with interest.

Steve glanced at Nancy, smiling crookedly.  She blushed, looking back at him.  “It’ll be a year in November,” he answered, and Nancy nodded happily.

“That’s a long time,” his father noted, looking proud.  “You know, you’re the first girl Steve’s brought home to meet us.  You must be something special.”

“She is,” Steve added immediately, not taking his eyes off of her.  Nancy looked at him, her eyes widening a bit as she blushed, like she still couldn’t believe how cheesy he was.  He grinned back at her unabashed.

“So Nancy, you’re a senior right?” Jackie asked conversationally.  Steve tried not to be annoyed with the question.  He must’ve told his mother than twenty times.

Nancy luckily didn’t seem bothered, just replying in the affirmative.

“How’s the college process going?  Have you decided on all the schools you’ll apply for?”

Nancy nodded, taking a sip of water before responding.  “I think so,” she answered.  “I’m still finalizing the list, but I have a pretty good idea.  Now it’s just a matter of getting all the applications done.”

“Good,” Sean spoke up from the head of the table.  “Do you have a top choice school?”

Nancy shrugged.  “Right now I’m leaning towards UPenn.  If I get in, of course.”

“That’s a prestigious school,” his mother said with a nod, but Steve just rolled his eyes.

“You’ll get in,” he assured her, not a doubt in his mind.  He looked back at his parents.  “Nancy’s a genius, Mom, she’s at the top of the class.”

“I’m in the top ten,” Nancy protested, but Jackie was already smiling proudly.

“That’s wonderful,” she said, and Steve grinned proudly at Nancy.

“It’s a shame she hasn’t rubbed off on you more, Steve.” Steve looked over at his father, who was staring back at him with raised eyebrows.  “Your grades haven’t been looking too good recently.”

Steve frowned.  “Yeah, but--”

“I don’t know how you’re planning on getting into Notre Dame with the way you’re going.  You’d better have one hell of an essay planned,” Sean continued, looking at him intensely.

Steve bit back his reply, not wanting to explain for the millionth time that he didn’t want to go to Notre Dame.  His father only wanted him to go there because it was his alma mater, but Steve honestly couldn’t care less about that school.

“Yes sir.  I’m trying,” he said obediently.  He didn’t dare look at Nancy, not wanting to see her reaction to his father lecturing him about grades . They all knew Steve’s grades couldn’t even compete with Nancy’s, but they didn’t talk about it, besides the times that Jonathan and Steve would tease her for being a genius.

“Well try harder,” his father said unsympathetically.  Steve took a large bite of pasta so he wouldn’t have to respond.  “Maybe you should tutor him, Nancy.”

For the love of god, could his father humiliate him more if he tried?  He winced at the question, waiting uncomfortably for Nancy’s response.

“Oh, well, we’re um,” Nancy started awkwardly, pausing to clear her throat.  “I mean, we’re not really in all the same classes, and…”

She trailed off.  Steve looked over at her, cringing when he saw her glancing around and shifting in her seat.  

His mother suddenly spoke up, and he’d never been more relieved to hear her voice in his whole life.  “What are you planning on majoring in, dear?”

“Oh!” Nancy exclaimed, clearly thrilled at the change of subject.  “I’m not completely set yet, but I’m leaning towards cognitive science.  It’s always been fascinating to me.”

“Wow,” Jackie replied, leaning back in her seat.  “That’s quite something.”

“I don’t imagine there are many women in that field,” Sean commented, taking a sip of his wine.  “Won’t be easy, I’m guessing.”

The comment annoyed Steve, but Nancy didn’t seem bothered.  “I suppose not, but a lot of schools have programs and stuff to encourage women in STEM fields.  I’m hardly the first.”

“Well good for you,” Jackie said with a smile.  Nancy smiled back, clearly pleased with the comment.  His mom finished off her drink before pouring herself another glass.  “So you mentioned Penn.  Any other schools in mind?”

“I was thinking about California schools for a while, Stanford and Caltech, you know, but I’m not sure I want to be so far away from home.” She glanced at Steve towards the end of her answer, and he frowned.  They hadn’t talked much about her school choices, but he wondered if her decision to stay closer to the East Coast had anything to do with him.

“California’s pretty cool, though,” he commented, not sure why.  Nancy gave him a strange look, and he turned to his dad, hoping to change the subject.  “You and Mom went a couple years ago, right?”

Sean nodded, looking past him to Nancy.  “San Francisco,” he clarified.  “The weather was great, but the city was a bit… interesting.  Some of the people were odd, you know Californians.  We ran into a group of men wearing dresses one day.  One of them had hair that looked a bit like yours, Steve.”

Steve stared at his plate, grinding his teeth together.  “Dad--” he started, ready to launch into yet another conversation about style and keeping up with trends.  His dad still combed his hair like it was the 1940s.

“I’m just saying you could do with a haircut,” his father cut in, stabbing some lettuce onto his fork.  “You need to think about how you present yourself.  You’re starting to look like a queer.”

Steve’s stomach clenched uncomfortably at the word and he took a deep breath.  He’d never dare argue back, especially not in front of Nancy, but it was hard to hold back sometimes.  He tightened his hand around the fork he was holding.  His father didn’t seem concerned in the slightest, and his parents went back to eating without comment.

A foot knocked against his under the table.  He glanced at Nancy, who was watching him with the most adorable frown on her face. ��When he met her eyes, she smiled, a glint in her eyes.

I like it, she mouthed discretely, eyes flitting up to his hair, and he grinned at her.

“Steve, take your elbows off the table,” his mother scolded from across the table, and he rolled his eyes but obeyed anyway.

There was a break in conversation as they ate, and his parents chatted about work shortly between each other.  

“Oh, you know who I ran into this week?” Sean spoke up, looking at Steve.  “Bob Harding.”

Oh great, Steve thought with a sigh.  “Yeah?” he asked, trying to look interested.

“Mhm, he says Tommy’s planning on going to IU next year.” Sean commented, and Steve just hummed at the mention of his old friend.  Sean frowned slightly, looking suspicious.  “He said he hasn’t seen you in quite some time.”

Steve picked at his sleeve awkwardly to avoid meeting his dad’s eyes.  It wasn’t like it was a secret.  It just… hadn’t come up.  He had to hold back a laugh.  In ten months, the fact that he was now enemies with his former best friend hadn’t come up.  One more way the Harringtons stood out.  “Me and Tommy don’t really run in the same circles anymore.”

“Tommy and I, Steve,” his mother corrected.

“That’s a shame,” Sean continued, his frown deepening.  “Bob’s one hell of a businessman, you know.”

“Sure,” Steve responded, not sure what else he was supposed to say to that.  Figures his dad would care more about his own connections than Steve’s social life.

“Are him and Carol still dating?” Jackie asked with interest.

“Um, yeah, I would think so,” Steve muttered, completely uninterested in this entire conversation.

“That’s nice.  I always liked her, she’s such a sweet girl.  Nancy, are you two friends?”

Steve choked on the piece of pasta he was chewing and coughed loudly.  His mother sent him a disapproving look, but Steve couldn’t care less.  The idea of Nancy and Carol being friends was so ridiculous he barely kept himself from laughing.  He grabbed at his water glass and took a large gulp to clear his throat.

Nancy was staring at Steve, a stiff expression on her face, and he knew she was barely holding back her own laughter as well.  She coughed quietly before responding.  “No, not really.”

She didn’t add anything else, no explanation or reasoning, and Steve got the feeling that was for the best.

There was a silence before something occurred.  He grinned at his girlfriend.  “Hey Nancy tell them about what you worked on over the summer!”

Nancy shot him a look but began to speak anyway.  “We-- my brother and I-- tried building robots.  He was always really into stuff like that, so we turned it into a summer project.”

“And they actually got one to work pretty well,” Steve finished the story when Nancy didn’t, rolling his eyes at her modesty.   He remembered how excited her and Mike had gotten when they’d finished the damn thing. “It was awesome.”

“Well that’s… interesting,” Sean said, blinking in confusion.  “Where did you find the parts?”

Nancy smiled at the memory.  Steve knew how much fun she’d had hanging out with her brother that summer.  “All over the place.  I also worked at RadioShack for a couple of months over the summer so I bought some things with a discount, and they gave me some broken parts and stuff for free.”

Nancy talked about the logistics behind the project for a while, clearly proud of her work, and Steve was happy to listen.

After that the conversation weaved in and out, mostly led by Nancy and Jackie.  Steve spoke up occasionally, but he enjoyed listening to his girlfriend speak, and wanted her to take the lead when she wanted to.  His father stayed quieter, usually interjecting questions or changes of subject when necessary.

By around 8:10, they’d all just about finished their food.  Despite the awkward moments and passive aggressive comments from his parents, the evening had gone reasonably well, and Steve was much more relaxed.

“So what movie did you end up seeing over the weekend?” Jackie inquired. Steve was honestly surprised she ever remembered that.

“There was nothing good showing.  We ended up watching Poltergeist on VHS at Nancy’s place,” Steve explained.

“I hadn’t seen it before,” Nancy added on.

“Is that one of those horror movies?  I don’t like those,” Jackie said, shaking her head.  

“Yeah, Nancy doesn’t either,” Steve said.  Nancy looked at him, playfully annoyed, and he snorted at her.  “You were about to run out of the basement.”

“That’s only because you were trying to scare me!” Nancy shot back.

Steve laughed at the memory of the other night.  “It was hilarious!” He turned to his parents, who were watching the scene blankly.

“Okay, so Nancy’s parents were at dinner, so we were watching her younger siblings, and it was time for baby Holly to go to sleep, so I volunteered to put her to bed since I’d seen the movie before.  But there’s this one line in the movie where this little girl-- who first off looks a lot like Holly-- says ‘they’re here’ and it’s really creepy, so I got this idea, and instead of putting her to bed we snuck back downstairs and Holly is amazing and manages to sneak up right behind Nancy and whisper it into her ear, and Nancy completely freaks out...”

He had to stop to laugh for a second at the image.  Nancy was laughing at this point as well, her irritation all but erased.  She really had freaked out, falling off of the couch and screaming so loudly that Mike had run up from the basement in terror.

“And then--” he continued again, leaning forward in excitement.

“Steve, elbows!” His mother cut in sharply.  She looked distinctly annoyed.  “Honestly, where are your manners?  You know how I feel about that.”

Steve’s elbows slipped off the table. His energy was suddenly gone, and he blinked, unable to remember what he was going to say.

“And then?” His father prompted, though he didn’t seem very interested.

Steve shrugged, frowning.  “Um, it was just really funny, I guess.”

Nancy offered a smile, clearly trying to pick up the energy of the conversation again.  “You know, I wasn’t the only scared one.  Jonathan looked like he was going to throw up for like a whole minute.”

Steve snorted, remembering how terrified Jonathan had been.  He’d joined in the laughter as well, though not before punching Steve solidly in the arm.  It still hurt.

“Jonathan, he’s your brother?” Jackie asked for clarification.

“Oh, no he--” Nancy stopped, frowning.  “Our friend, Jonathan?”

Her voice was expectant, like she was waiting for his mother to catch on, but Jackie continued to frown.  

“Sorry, Jonathan who?” Jackie cut in, looking back and forth between them with a bewildered expression.

Steve felt like his chair had been pulled out from underneath him as he stared at his mom.  Nancy was quiet beside him, and he could feel her gaze on his neck.

Maybe he should’ve mentioned the fact that he had never in his whole life mentioned the name Jonathan Byers to his parents.

The idea of lying flitted across his mind, but there was no way Nancy would ever forgive him if he lied point blank about their best friend.  The idea made him sick anyway.  He wasn’t ashamed of Jonathan.  He could do this.

“Jonathan Byers, Mom,” he answered after a long second, attempting to sound casual.

He heard Sean set his silverware down on his plate, a quiet noise that held got all of Steve’s attention immediately.

“Byers?” His father’s voice was completely neutral, and Steve forced himself to look up.  There wasn’t any real expression in his eyes, but Steve knew what that meant.  “I didn’t realize the two of you were friends.”

Steve swallowed.  “It’s a new thing.”

“Is that right.” It wasn’t a question, and it took all of Steve’s willpower to keep from looking away from his father’s stare.  His father’s gaze was like a 3-ton-weight he was trying to hold above his hands, and he felt like he might give out at any minute.

Somehow he made it, and Sean broke first, looking towards Nancy.  “You’re also friends with Jonathan?”

Nancy blinked, looking completely taken off guard.  “Um, yes sir.”

His father gave a sharp hum and returned to his food.  The four of them sat in silence for a moment that seemed indefinite.  His mom didn’t seem as put off as his father, but Steve could tell she didn’t seem pleased.

“Jackie, how is that latest case coming?” Sean asked suddenly, voice too loud.

His parents talked about work for about ten minutes, and Nancy and Steve listened in silence.  He could tell she was uncomfortable, and he didn’t blame her.  She had finished eating, so Steve grabbed both of their plates and took them into the kitchen.

After rinsing the dishes off and stacking them into the dishwasher, he grabbed his car keys from the counter and walked back into the dining room.

“I should drive Nancy home, before it gets too late,” Steve said.  He didn’t look at his parents, staring instead at Nancy, who looked incredibly relieved.

“Right,” Nancy agreed quickly, jumping to her feet as well.  “I don’t want to worry my mom.”

“Yes, alright,” Jackie said, giving a clearly false smile to the girl.  She got to her feet and held out her hand again, and Nancy shook it hesitantly.  “I’m glad you could come.  We should do it again sometime.”

“Of course,” Nancy responded with a nod.  She turned to Sean, who had gotten to his feet but made no move to shake her hand.

“It was nice meeting you, Nancy,” he said politely with a sharp nod.  She gave him an unsteady smile, and Steve took that as his cue to lead her to the door.

The air was cool outside, and Steve took a deep breath as soon as the door shut behind them.  They walked to the car in silence, and didn’t speak until they began driving.

“So,” Nancy started unsurely, and Steve tensed immediately.  He braced himself for whatever she was about to say.  “The stuff about Jonathan…”

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out immediately.  He couldn’t look at her.  He already knew how much of a coward he was compared to her, but the idea that he was so scared of his father’s opinion that he’d lie about his best friends?  It was pathetic, and he knew it.

“I--” Nancy stopped in the middle of her sentence.  “Why are you sorry?”

She sounded genuinely confused, and he spared her a glance before turning back to the road resolutely.  He shrugged, not sure how to respond.  Sorry I can’t compare to you, Nance.

“If anyone should be sorry it’s me,” Nancy said when it was clear that Steve was staying quiet.  “I didn’t mean to put you in that position.  I shouldn’t have assumed--”

“That I would’ve told my parents about my best friend?” he finished for her sarcastically, snorting.  “Yeah, that’s quite a leap, Nance.”

He looked at Nancy, who was smiling as she stared at the road.  It was the same smile she always got whenever Steve said something like that about Jonathan, like she still couldn’t believe they’d managed to work out such strong a friendship between them.  Sometimes Steve couldn’t believe it either.

After a second she turned to him, smile slipping away.  “Is it gonna be a problem?  He didn’t seem happy.”

Steve sighed as he rounded a corner. “You know my parents.  They’re all about reputation.  The Byers are some of the last people they’d ever willingly associate themselves with.  But it’s not a big deal.  It’s not going to change anything for us.”

Nancy still seemed troubled.  “Still, I don’t like causing problems for you--”

“Nancy the last thing you do is cause problems,” Steve reassured her, reaching for her hand and clasping it between their seats.  “I promise.”

They stayed quiet for the rest of the drive, and Steve couldn’t help but replay the night in his mind over and over again.  He still couldn’t believe some of the comments his parents had made, and the more he thought about it, the more mortified he became.

Finally they pulled into the Wheeler’s driveway.  The lights were still on inside, and Steve could just picture the family going about their lives together.  They weren’t a perfect family, not even close, and he’d listened to Nancy complain about her parents more time that he could count, but his heart ached at the very idea of them.  At least they could bicker and tease each other without the world ending.  At least they knew each other.

“Well, thanks for coming, I guess,” Steve muttered, resisting the urge to hide his face in his hands.  Nancy smirked softly at him, clearly sensing his distress, her hand hovering about the button on her seatbelt.

“Hey,” she spoke up after a second.  “Why don’t we do something this weekend?  Just the two us.  A proper date.”

“Yeah?” He asked, tilting his head at her.  She smiled, looking amused.

“Yeah.  It’ll be nice.  We could go get dinner, get you out of the kitchen for a while,” she teased, and he grinned in response, nodding his head.

After a second, Nancy snorted as if remembering a bad joke, and let her head fall to her hands.

“What?” He asked, chuckling even though he didn’t know what she was on about.

“I’m sorry, I just remembered your dad’s face when I told him I didn’t like cooking.”  She laughed through the words.

Steve laughed and let his head fall back to the seat, even though he was more horrified than anything else.  “Oh my god.”

“He looked like I shot a puppy,” Nancy continued, eyes wide like she couldn’t believe it had really happened.

“Not a puppy, just his son’s masculinity,” Steve teased back.  “I’m telling you, he had a sudden nightmare of us ten years in the future where you come home from a long day at work and I’m slaving away in the kitchen wearing a pink frilly apron.”

Nancy laughed even louder, and he couldn’t help but join her.

“Man, that was a disaster.  I’m sorry I made you come,” he told her.  He really was sorry.  Nancy shouldn’t have had to listen to any of that nonsense.  He was used to it by now, but he didn’t have to subject her to it.

“I’d go again in a heartbeat,” she said, calming down.

“Is that right?” Steve asked, smirking at her slightly.

“Yep,” Nancy replied without hesitation.  “Your parents may be a bit weird, but you’re not too bad.”

Steve grinned at her, a happy, relaxed feeling washing over him.  Nancy unbuckled her seatbelt and grabbed his collar before leaning in to kiss him.  Steve let his eyes close as he kissed her back, wondering if he was ever going to get tired of this feeling.

When the broke apart, Steve leaned his forehead against hers, smiling softly.  “I love you, Nancy Wheeler.”

“And I love you, Steve Harrington.  Crazy parents and all.”

[underthestars0]

September 9, 2018

It has been forever. Like almost 3 weeks. I sincerely think this is the longest I have ever gone without writing. Part of me feels bad while the other part of me feels like it was just needed. At first it was just because I was busy and busy and I kept forgetting and then I just realized that I had so much going on that I couldn’t bear to talk about it every other day. To be fair, I’ve been pretty MIA from most social media. But, school started, I have this whole new live ahead of me and I’m getting to get back to hold habits.

It goes without saying that I will not be able to catch you up on everything that’s been going on with details. That would take forever and it wouldn’t be fun for the me writing this right now as well as for anyone ever reading this later. So, I’ll just do a little sum up of what’s happened based on what I remember.

On the 22nd and 23rd of August, I was working. They were both quite busy days and I do not recall having done anything in particular after those days. On the 24th though, I had a day off. First, my car had to get fixed because the AC wasn’t working properly (it still isn’t to this day actually) and the I had a haircut. I cut my hair probably the shortest I have ever had, a little higher than my shoulders. That was overdue, and I’ve been loving the short hair since then. IN the afternoon, I drove to my grandparent’s chalet where I spent the afternoon/evening with one of my best friends. We once again, hung out by the lake and just had some fun.

On Saturday and Sunday, I was working. On Sunday evening though, some friends of mine came over because we were leaving early the next morning for Toronto. So, we got all ready together and at 7am the next day, we hit the road. Getting there was nice. I drove first and last and the time passed by a lot faster than I anticipated. After getting ready, we went to the show we were there to see: 5 Seconds of Summer. The evening turned out great. The show was fun and we just enjoyed our time there.

The next day, after picking up some breakfast, we shopped at the Eaton Center and enjoyed what Toronto has to offer. We did have to leave at about 4pm in the afternoon in order to make it back by midnight. We were tired and I do have to admit the trip back felt longer and worst but it was overall totally worth it.

On the 29th, I was working 1 to 9pm. So, I slept in and then made it to work. On the 30th, I should have done 1 to 9pm also but I dealt with a coworker to do 9 to 5pm. That allowed me to go to my best friend’s birthday party in the evening. We first all went for dinner and then we went to this bar near by. We (me and my 2 friends with whom I drove there) ended the evening not too late but I have to admit it turned out much more fun than I thought it would have been.

On the 31st, I was doing 1 to 9pm again. In the morning though, I drove to the city. I had to get a letter from the school first, then I locked my keys in my cars, we had to wait for CAA to come and help, then we had to wait to get my pass to park in the street and then we had to wait to get some food for lunch and then I made it to work at 1:45pm. I think it was the first time I was ever late and I felt exhausted but it turned out alright. I did my shift, got back home and went to bed because I was DEAD.

On Saturday, it was my grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary and they were celebrating BIG. So, in the morning, I helped set up and then during it I took pictures and hung around. It turned out quite nice and my grandparents really seemed happy about the whole thing so that made all the work worth it.

After we left where the party was, some people came over and we ended up having dinner with them. It was fun to talk to some people I hadn’t seen in a while. I was quite dead by the end of the day though so I went to bed early.

On the 2nd of September, it was moving day. We started early, packed everything, drove to the flat with my car and the truck and then unloaded and placed. It was quick but efficient. Also extremely tiring.

On the 3rd, I was working. It was Labor day so I wasn’t starting school just yet. Since I hadn’t asked to work, my boss made me finish at 4pm. So, at 4pm, I went to my friend’s house to drop off her camera that I had borrowed for the wedding anniversary. Then, another friend came and we hung out until dinner. After dinner at home, I drove to the flat. My bed broke and I was missing a shitload of things but it turned out alright and I eventually went to bed for the first time in my new beautiful flat.

On the 4th, it was first day of school. That went alright. I had anticipated not to have full classes so I had not brought a lunch and so I had to go and get some food at a café and then kill the time and then I told my friend to meet me early because again, I thought I wouldn’t have a full afternoon class but it ended up late and she had to wait… Other than that though, that first day went fairly well and I think I might like those two classes. Time will tell.

After school, me and my friend that waited for me got back to the flat and we had dinner with one of my roommates and it was just so fun that I suddenly was very excited to be back into the city and having the chance to hang out with all of these beautiful people all the time. I went to bed late and then waking up the next day was a pain in the ass but totally worth it.

On the 5th, I had another class in the morning. It also went well. I really like my teachers so far they all seen nice. After class, my friend came over for lunch and after we caught up and she left, I did a lot of things that needed to be done around the flat. I ended the evening with my two flatmates once again appreciating the fact that for the first time, hanging out with them is awesome.

On the 6th, I had my last class of the week, I didn’t feel like going but this teacher turned out to be my favorite so far. I think this class will be nice. After that, I picked up my stuff from the flat and drove back home. I took my afternoon easy and enjoyed an evening with my parents.

On the 7th, I did some shopping with my mom. I had so much stuff I needed to buy for the apartment, so we got that done. In the evening, two of my best friends came over and we talked and ate brownies and it was so nice to catch up.

On Saturday and Sunday I was working. On Saturday evening, we had people over so I ate with them and went to bed eventually after watching a few This is Us. Today, after work, well I went shopping for some other missing stuff, I helped my mother with food, I read and ate dinner with all my family. Then, I drove back to the flat, fixed my bed, placed a shitload of things and now I’m writing this. It’s getting late, I’ve been writing for the past 30 minutes and I’m going to wrap this up because it’s officially the longest post I have ever made. I hope I caught you up good enough on what’s been going on and now that my life is settled again, I promise to write some more. It’s been the craziest times but also some of the nicest and I cannot wait to see what’s waiting for me.

 Until next time, L

[kaitlinmcandrews]

Wow, finally, the time has come! Strap yourself in, this is going to be a long one. I have to cut it into two halves or else it would be like a novel. Now, it’s just have a novel. A short story, if you will.

In August, Patrick’s parents and family friend came to Japan for about a month. Pat’s brother didn’t make it this time, but there was still five of us again. This trip went a lot smoother, in my opinion, than their trip to Korea. To be fair, Japan is a bit more foreigner friendly (the food and culture is not as crazy-different as Korea was) .

Also, I’m not sure how to really explain this… but… uh… I guess since we weren’t going to an island that I know I would never visit again, I felt more okay with being flexible. So, perhaps it was because last time they visited us, we didn’t know how to be tour guides. It could have also been because we knew that we would probably NEVER go to Jeju ever again. Or, it could have been  because Jeju was actually much more different from mainland Korea than we thought it would be.

What I’m getting at is that when Pat’s family came to see us in Korea, we had an awesome time, but we also had some hiccups along the way. This time, however, it seemed that our excursions went fairly smoothly?

So, if you can remember, we were working for an Eikaiwa (a Japanese private school) and had limited time off. Actually, during this time, we were preparing to move for our new job in Yokohama. Wow, I’m distracted. Do you care about our schedule? Probably not…. Oh well, sucks to be you, I’m going to talk about it anyway….So, I shall continue. We worked until the day that Pat’s parents came to Japan. We figured that this would be perfect! Actually, we were pretty clever with our yearly vacation days and were able to use them at the tail end of our work period. In other words, we only physically worked for one extra week, but we got paid for an additional 10 days of work. We got basically half of our August pay!

Annoyingly, though, this made things so much more difficult. We had to deal with working and preparing for class for one more week, try to pack for our big move, clean the apartment, and plan our expected activities. Oh well, we had some extra money, and we were able to help the school for a bit longer.

Oh, were you waiting for me to talk about what we did?

Ah.

Sorry.

Ok, well it was awhile ago, so my memory is incredibly fuzzy….. I’ll try my best!

Day 1 – Arrival in Kyoto

So, the McAndrews met us at Kyoto Station. I misunderstood where they were waiting and did a lot of wandering. Kyoto Station is pretty big so it is easy to get lost. Once we met up with them, we walked with them to their hostel. Unfortunately for them, they came in a bit of a busy season (who am I kidding, every day of the year is busy season in Kyoto…) so they had a hard time finding hotels. Luckily, Pat’s mom seems to be a hostel-finding genius haha.

The hostels that they were in for most of their trip were Japanese-style, which essentially means the bedding situation is different that any North American would be used to. In Japan, many people sleep on a futon. BUT! A futon in Japan is not what we call a futon in Canada. In Canada, if you hear futon, you are probably thinking of a fold-down bed. In Japan, a futon is a thin down/cotton mattress on the floor. At home, this is what Pat and I use every night, so we are used to it.

Since we met up with them fairly late, after they checked in, we went out for supper right away. Now, this time, I made a conscious effort not to dictate our food choices or to argue. So, I let them lead the way with their food choices (actually, to be honest, I don’t like Japanese food as much as I like Korean food, so I felt less of a desire to have them try specific foods. In Korea, I was so passionate about their amazing food that I wanted them to try everything…. ). They decided on an Italian place. It was obviously marketed towards foreigners, which is fine, but means the price will be higher. It was. It was quite expensive…. The portion sized were also quite small. The food was good though!

I really can’t remember, but I don’t think we did anything after that…. Maybe we went to a small Irish Pub at Kyoto Station… I don’t remember what day that was. But, I think it was that day. The Olympics were on the TV so of course Pat’s dad had to get updated! They got to see the Japanese side of the Olympics, which, I’m sure is a bit of a different point of view.

Day 2 – Fushimi Inari

Our first official day off from work! Yay~

They had to check out of their hostel and check into a different one, so I think they had a bit of a hectic morning. Gosh, I really can’t remember. Oh well. Well whatever the details were, we ended up at Fushimi Inari eventually haha.

Now, you may know this already, but Fushimi is my favourite place in Kyoto. I love it. It is an easy hike and somehow I never get sick of the tori gates. Never.

August in Japan is so freaking hot, by the way, so although this is an easy hike, we were all sweating like crazy. There are vending machines along the way (weird right?), but the drinks were way over priced. Well, even though I had an entire post dedicated to this place, here are some more photos!

I think I restrained myself this time haha, just because I already have so many photos. The view at the top was quite nice and clear.

Did you miss pictures of Pat and his Dad’s backs?

It was a nice day. It was hot like it was in Jeju, but we didn’t do as much unnecessary walking like we had to in Jeju…

So once we reached the “top”, Pat’s family friend stayed at the covered shelter while the rest of us continued up the mountain a bit. There is a trail that loops around from that spot and back. There isn’t a view or anything, so continuing from that point on isn’t really necessary. The loop doesn’t take too long so when we came back I think it was a good amount of break time for the family friend.

Pat taking in the view~

If you ever go to Kyoto, I really recommend going here. It is just so interesting. It is a fairly easy hike and doesn’t take too long. It is like the perfect way to spend the day.

I made a schedule for our trip, but I don’t think we followed it very closely so I don’t remember what we did after this. I put on my schedule to check out downtown. So… maybe we went downtown? Ugh, I don’t know.

Day 3 – Fireworks festival in Shiga

The next day, we got to go to an annual Fireworks festival in Shiga, Japan. Shiga is right next to Kyoto. It is an area (I don’t think it’s a prefecture, but it definitely isn’t a city… It’s like a region? I suppose) that surrounds Lake Biwa. Biwa Lake is the largest lake in Japan. The fireworks were over the lake so I knew it would be beautiful.

Well, after talking with my Japanese coworkers, I learned that this is an event that most Japanese people will be wearing yukata. I was soooo excited.

But

I’m an idiot….

A few days earlier (after our last day of work), we dropped off our company uniforms at the dry cleaners. Deciding to take advantage of the situation, I also brought some dresses and my yukata as well. Since this was my first time going to a dry cleaner”s (yeah, I’m a terrific adult…), I really had no idea how long it took to have clothes dry cleaned…. Well, it didn’t take a day like I thought haha. So, I suddenly didn’t have my yukata for the festival. NOoooOoOO~

I decided to buy a cheap one from Uniqlo. The original one I bought was much more expensive and obviously of a higher quality.

Oh well.

I had Pat meet up with them earlier than me as I got ready. I knew that with the hair, makeup and yukata putting-on-ing, that I would take a while. Well, I underestimated how long it would take. Yukata’s are so frustrating to put on and look nice.

Also, short side story:

About a month prior to this time, I got my first haircut in Kyoto. I bleached my hair and trimmed it myself up to that point, but decided it was time for a professional trim. Well, it was a huuuuuge mistake. My hair was like shoulder length and a bit damaged. As I have done many times in the past, I said “I’m not picky about style. Just get rid of the dead ends and give any style.”…. well…. USUALLY, the hair dresser picks a style that suits my face type. I also am 100% okay with short hair, so I told him to cut off as much as he thinks is necessary. Well…. what I’m not okay with is a haircut that is unflattering, difficult to style, or required a lot of work to look proper. That was exactly what he gave me. He cut off a lot, and I was sad, but like, understanding? I knew it was going to be short. I mentally prepared myself for that and let him do what he was doing. In the end, he gave me what is know as a halo haircut. Please, take a break from this post and google it. It is awful. I looked so so so bad. Even now, I am stilll trying to grow this mess of a hairstyle out. The front layers are so incredibly short. I essentially had a mushroom cut mixed with a mullet.

Okay, back to the festival.

My hair was so difficult to style. I could not get it to look flattering. (In my last post at the Gion Festival, I had the same issue). My makeup was okay, but due to my airline incident, I really didn’t own much makeup. My new yukata had an obi (belt) that I had to tie myself, unlike my expensive one that had an easy style obi.

I was so frustrated. It took so long.

I knew the trains were going to be packed and the venue would be so busy. I wanted to leave waaaay earlier than we did.

Well, everyone was very patient with me. We got to the train station and holy moly was I right. The trains were packed! I suppose it was interesting that the McAndrews got to experience the stereotype that Japanese trains are wall-to-wall with people and how people are basically pushed onto the train to fit. Not that that is a good experience, but kind of neat I guess..

Sorry everyone in this pic. You are now famous.

This was at the festival train stop. So many people! Notice that the going up side is completely empty. Not as many yukatas as I had expected, but still quite few.

Once we piled out of the station we followed the crowds to where the viewing areas were. I had brought a cooler bag along so we were also on the lookout for a place to get some drinks to fill the bag with. Everything was crowded. It was pretty difficult to do anything haha. We split up momentarily. The boys got some drinks and the girls went to scout out places. It was already so busy at this time..

It was like an organized chaos. Japan, unlike Canada, really knows how to handle large crowds AND large crowds know how to handle themselves. Nobody was being crazy, nobody was jumping or climbing over the rails, and nobody was on the opposite side of traffic. People walk together as a group and seem to peacefully find a place to view the fireworks without being rude or pushy.

Me and Pat’s mom found a place to sit on the pavement (on a mat thing…). Pat, his dad, and the family friend didn’t want to sit on the pavement and totally ditched us! I was actually pretty annoyed at Pat since I was so excited for this event and really wanted to spend it with him. Oh well. I suuupoooose his comfort is important…

There were around 10,000 fireworks supposedly. It was the best fireworks display I had ever seen in my life. I can’t even describe how stunning they were. I tried my best to take photos of them, but it’s much easier said than done for a non-photographer like myself.

The fireworks were stunning, so here is a whole bunch of photos:

oooh, planets

smiley faces!

teddy bears!

I don’t know!

“falling” type

So many colours. I snapped this one like 1 sec too late…

Probably my favourite photo

I had a lot of fun, despite sitting away from Pat. I’m pretty sure I had teary eyes. It was so overwhelming. The fireworks were so impressive. They had a ‘program’ for the fireworks so it was easy to predict when the big shows would start. In Japanese style, they were on time for every segment. Like, to the minute. This made it easy to follow along and have an idea of what was going on.

The fireworks finished quite late, but we were a bit hungry. Since it is a festival, there is always street food around. But, because it’s Japan, everything closes pretty early. We had to get the last servings from some food stalls. We each got a draft beer (which are served at the street food tents) and drank them on our way back to the train station.

The line for the train was MASSIVE! We had to wait quite a while in line and there were even security guards ushering people inside the station. They must know how many people can fit in the train at a time since they seemed to be counting the number of people entering at a time.

It started to get a bit worrying since the trains don’t really run that late and we don’t live in Shiga. If we missed the train, we would have a pretty expensive taxi ride. Luckily, we did make it. It was a lot of fun. If you are ever in the Kyoto area around the beginning of August, I highly recommend checking out the fireworks festival on the lake.

Day 4 – Osaka (baseball)

Before I talk about the day itself, I have to tell you about buying the tickets. We bought the tickets a week or so before they came. Although the stereotype about Japan is that it is super high-tech, in many ways, it is a bit archaic. It’s like they try to be high-tech, but somehow make it more difficult than it needs to be.

So, buying tickets (or like anything) online is either non-existent or for Japanese citizens only. Sometimes, you can get something online, print out the order, bring it to the convenient store, and then pay at the convenient store. WHY? Why make it so complicated?? Why add so many steps?! ahem. sorry.

In this case, it wasn’t quite that easy. So, to order sporting or concert tickets, you need to go to the convenient store and order them there. There will be a machine (in Japanese only….) where you will find and order your ticket. For people that are fluent in Japanese, this probably is quite convenient. For people like me, who suck at learning languages and definitely don’t know the terms needed to buy tickets, it can be quite a headache. To make things worse, it seems that certain tickets need to be bought at certain stores.

We went to Family Mart to get our baseball tickets. We were basically buddies with the employee that worked there and he tried his hardest to help us. We both had our Google translate out and were basically communicating with the apps. After a long time doing this, we figured out that we couldn’t buy what we wanted at that convenient store. He told us to try Lawson.

We headed to Lawson. We fiddled with the machine there and couldn’t find anything…. We headed to 7-11. We headed to the copying/fax/buying ticket machine. We started to have some luck. It was still all in Japanese so we had to use Google translate throughout the process. We were able to find the games, categorized by teams, and get the tickets. We then had to bring the tickets to the cashier to pay for them (because paying at the ticket machine would make too much sense right?). This was like a good hour out of our day, but we did it!

Okay, fast forward to the actual event.

I decided to take a detour from the family and go to the Pokemon Center for Pat’s mom. She wanted to buy a gift for her niece so I decided to go for her. It is a bit out of the was from downtown Osaka. I was hoping that they would go to Osaka Castle while I was buying this, but as always, they didn’t have enough time. It’s too bad, I think they would have really liked it.

We planned to meet in Osaka once I was finished. But, there was a problem…. My phone was dying. Not just that, but the game was going to start soon. I was in a panic. Finding a place to plug in is really difficult. I got scolded when I plugged into the wall at the train station…. so embarrassing.

My other task for the day was to find a bank and take out cash. Have I ever told you how frustrating it can be to take out cash from a Canadian bank card? It seems that some people (okay, probably most people) can easily take out cash from the atm at 7-11 or at a JP Post atm. For some reason, the ONLY bank that has ever accepted our Canadian card was Citibank. So, as I was dealing with trying to meet up with Pat, carrying around a huge Pokemon Center bag, and havin a dead phone, I was also trying to find a Citibank.

Well, it no longer existed….

ugh.

By pure luck it seems, I found Pat, and we rushed to the Stadium. The game was okay. I’m not a big sports fan, so I mostly enjoyed eating and drinking haha.

I personally enjoyed watching the game in Korea so much more. For someone who doesn’t care for the actual game, the games in Korea are so much more interesting. You can get seats with tables where you can eat delicious fried chicken. You can bring in your own alcohol or food. The cheering sections were so so entertaining and it just had a really fun atmosphere.

The one thing that is note-worthy about this game was the balloons that were shot up into the air near the end (the blue balloons in the photos above). They had a very…..interesting…. shape to them. Everyone let them go at the same time, so it was like reverse rain of blue balloons. They made a whistling sound as they shot up into the air. We didn’t have any, so we felt a bit out of the loop. That would have been fun. Pat’s dad picked up a used one from the ground as a souvenir hahahaha, funny guy.

After the game, we headed to Osaka’s famous downtown area: Dotonbori. This area is really nice at night. There is a river that runs through the middle and has an iconic view.

We were pretty hungry after the game so we went to find some food. I really wanted them to try okonomiyaki as it is a famous dish of Osaka. It is sometimes referred to as a Japanese pancake. It is essentially shredded cabbage, egg and flour that is made into a thick pancake type thing. There are many options for toppings such as squid, pork, kimchi, and apparently tomato… Many places were already closed (did I mention that Japan shuts down early?), but luckily we found a place. This place specialized in a tomato-type of okonomiyaki so I was not too excited haha.

Fortunately for me, they had other special types that were so so good.

Unlike Korea, having a grill at your table doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be cooking anything. The soba and okonomiyaki come to you cooked and are simply on the grill to stay warm and add a bit of crisp if you want it. Man, I haven’t had okonomiyaki in a loooooong time…. it really is a Kansai thing. It doesn’t seem to be so popular here (I live near Yokohama, now).

After we were stuffed, we headed home. We may have gone downtown and watched some Olympics with drinks outside, but I really don’t remember what night that was haha.

Day 5 – Riverboat tour and Arashiyama

We originally planned to have a day of rest on this day seeing as we were being quite active up to this point. We shuffled the days around and decided to go hard and have the day off before our move. This would give us enough time to do the necessary things like returning uniforms to our school, packing, cleaning, and all the last minute details.

This was completely the family’s idea. I was happy that they did some research into what they wanted to see. I felt kind of bad basically dictating our activities. I don’t know what interests them so I just made a pretty generic list of things to do.Which, to be fair, are pretty good things to see in Kansai ( I think…).

So, they found a brochure at the information booth near Kyoto Station. It was for a riverboat tour. Of course it was all in Japanese, but it seemed like a nice way to relax and enjoy some beautiful scenery.

Before we get to that….

You guessed it!

Story time~

Well…. It would be me and Pat if there weren’t hiccups along the way. We actually bought these tickets the day before (of maybe two days before… I don’t remember). They were a bit pricey so we bought them using a credit card (not a common thing in Japan… surprisingly). Since this trip was almost booked, we had to get a strange auxiliary seat on the bus and got a weird special ticket. The auxiliary ticket is much cheaper, but like, not a choice? Meaning, you can’t choose the auxiliary seat to pay a low price. It is only offered to you if the bus is full. The best way of describing what this auxiliary seat is, is to think of a Greyhound style bus and then imagine the arm rest folding out into the aisle for someone to sit on. Wow, comfy….Not so important, but note that we had one weird ticket.

Well we were given a time to meet by the bus. Somehow, we weren’t late. We weren’t very early though either….

As we were about to board, we realized we were missing something. Our freakin’ tickets! Of course nobody had the receipt on them. There was definitely not enough time to go home and get them (we lived like an 8min train ride away so if we had been early, we could have been okay…). We tried talking to the info desk lady and there was really nothing they could do. Unless we had the reciept or tickets we couldn’t go on that trip.

Well, we didn’t really want to abandon our plan at this point. The lady’s only solution was to buy the tickets again and then bring our tickets later to get refunded. What a pain. Well, that’s what we did. Now perhaps someone cancelled last minute, I don’t know, but we had to pay the full price. We didn’t have an auxiliary seat anymore.They also didn’t have ‘real’ tickets for us so we just got on the bus haha…

Okay, so we made it. We got on the bus. It took us to a quaint little train station in the middle of what seemed like nowhere. We then got to go on a ‘scenic’ train. It was really cute.

I apparently didn’t take a picture of the train itself. Trust me, it was cute. The pictures I took from the train were obviously not great…. Oh well, in real life, it was quite nice. On the train, you could pay a person to take your photo with a Polaroid camera in the train. Why? what would the backround be? the old train? Why? Especially when every single person on that train had their very own expensive DSLR camera….. I kind of wanted one…

After our scenic train trip, we arrived at the riverboat station. We were put into groups and shown our boats. Pat’s mom and I were lucky and got front row seats! (I felt bad for the family friend as she is a much better photographer and got stuck behind a pole on the boat…. ). Pat and his dad were somewhere in the back haha.

I can’t even imagine the amount of work these guys that were rowing the boat were doing. They were dripping sweat. Yet, somehow, they were like cracking jokes (I assume since everyone was laughing, but who knows, I didn’t understand a thing. Maybe I was the butt of his jokes, who knows? He could have been like “look at this white girl in the front. Her skin is hurting my eyes it’s so pale!” but I have no idea. I am pretty sure I fake-laughed along to whatever he was talking about. Anyway, point is, he seemed like a funny guy), was telling stories and pointing out interesting things to look at on the way.

I guess I don’t have much to say really… It was a hot day. The slight breeze and being on the water felt nice.

At one point in  the journey, there was an opportunity to try rowing for yourself. Pat’s mom is not one to pass up an opportunity so she gave it a shot. Not only that, but she surprised the heck out of the guy since she is pretty strong. It seemed like the technique was quite different from a canoe, a kayak or even a rowboat!

The handles had large grooves in them from being rubbed in the same spot many times over. They had to be constantly made wet to ensure they would glide rather than stick. It was interesting.Okay, here are some more photos!

As we got closer to the end, we went buy a market boat. It was selling some packaged goods and some hot things-on-sticks as well. I got mochi (pounded rice cake) and I really enjoyed it. It’s not for everyone, but I like it ^^~.

We eventually got to our end destination; Arashiyama. This was still part of that package we paid for so we were given a free pass into a temple and the gardens. We pulled up to the shore and were given a time and place to meet for the ride home so we had a bit of free time to explore as we wanted to.

Everyone seemed to have a different pace. Pat and his dad like to basically jog everywhere. How they can appreciate anything they see I’ll never know. Pat’s mom and I are in the middle, snapping photos here and there. The family friend is taking her time to get the perfect shots (she can actually take nice photos haha). We eventually split up so she could take her time and not feel rushed. Pat and his dad were forced to slow down a bit.

Here are some photos!

So interesting…

I always feel a bit weird taking photos of tombstones or statues… I dunno, just feel weird for the deceased that I know nothing about and are reduced to a hunk of stone…

So, we made it to the temple. Oh wait. We don’t actually have any tickets to show! I’m pretty sure we had to whip out a receipt or something. The lady didn’t seem to want to deal with us and let us through. She was probably informed of the tour group and knew what was going on.

Hey cicada buddy…. can you like… shut up for a minute??!!

The gardens were, as always, stunning. The main attraction at Arashiyama isn’t the temple or gardens though. It’s the bamboo forest. It is world famous. It is actually so freaking cool! This was my first time going in the daylight. It can make beautiful photos if you are super lucky to find a time when it isn’t crowded.

We were not so lucky. It was so so busy. I’m pretty sure you need to go early early in the morning to get any good shots. Oh well. It is really cool to see though. I recommend it.

After adventuring around on growling tummies, we found some street food. Pat and I got some really good fish cakes. Pat’s mom told us a story of the worst food she has ever eaten, being a slimy and chewy fishcake, so we urged her to try ours. I think she wasn’t a fan still, but at least her image of fishcakes wasn’t ruined forever. No one else was really interested in the streetfood so we set out to find some real food. We found a small cafe and had some pasta. It was pretty good and it felt nice to sit under some air conditioning.

When our time limit was almost up, we headed towards the bus and checked out the gift shop. After a long day in the heat, we finally got back to Kyoto Station. We were pretty pooped.

We got refunded our tickets later that day. Pat had to move fast to get to our house, grab the tickets and go back to the info place before it closed. We couldn’t go on other days because we had our plans all set out and we had to leave before the place opened and wouldn’t return until after it closed. It was kinda stressful haha.

…To be cont.

Japan with the Inlaws – Part 1 Wow, finally, the time has come! Strap yourself in, this is going to be a long one.

[missknavery-blog]

A Wider Path

I just quit my job. I have nothing lined up.  Yes, I’m okay.  No, I don’t know what I’ll do next.  I just needed to get out. I’m sure a few of my coworkers thought I was planning on killing myself.  My lack of ability to explain what was going on in my head made them worry.  But I know me, and I know what I need.  And I needed to get out. I worked retail for 10 years, from 18 to 28.  I just turned 29 five days ago and quitting my job was my birthday gift to myself.  I celebrated my birthday and New Year’s Eve as a free woman, no pressure of going back to work looming on the horizon.  It’s the first time I’d had both New Year’s Eve AND my birthday off in a long time, since they’re on consecutive days, in the holiday season, and most employers aren’t happy with me taking that time of year off. The job that I just left was a corporation, I worked there for four and a half years, I started out believing that it was a good place to work and had employee’s interests in mind, but I watched as, year after year, the wrong decisions were made.  All I see now is a company desperately trying to make money by spending money to grasp at other money.  Building on growth and growing by building.  Not building on an actual stable foundation, or rather, not building within the stable confines of that foundation, instead, trying to build upwards and outwards rather than outwards first, like an upside-down pyramid.  Does that make sense?  This is a company that preaches sustainability in all things.

Our team lost 5 employees in July - August, of the then 15 or 16 person team, a team which had started 20 strong...  we failed to hire anyone for several months.  Meanwhile, we all worked overtime, extra days, whatever it took to keep things running.  Our boss was finally let go/fired/who knows, much to all of our relief.  She’d been a very lazy boss and was ultimately dragging us down.  On top of our department taking on more responsibility, we’d lost one of our specialists who was in charge of buying at least half if not 75% of our product and no one on the team had the experience/motivation to replace her.  The whole thing was a mess.  I found myself working alone, much like most of my coworkers, due to frequent call-outs, and we all found ourselves, more often than not, doing the work of 2 or more people each.   We got paid hourly.  It occurred to me that there was little incentive to hire new people when you could easily squeeze just as much work out of the few people you had left and pay them the same rate.  Genius.  We didn’t hire up until right before the holidays, without enough time to train the newcomers.  I was one of the trainers, as well as my coworker, who like me was scheduled to spend 80% of her time upstairs, unable to be downstairs unless it was “slow”, which was a rarity at our store.  So the newbies got trained mostly by slightly less newbies, who’d been mostly trained by whoever could train them.  

December 1st, I started to lose my sanity.  The schedule showed who was working, when, and where.  For the week leading up to Christmas, and the couple days to follow, it showed that 3 of us were scheduled various days upstairs to close by ourselves.  This was unheard of.  Local events meant guaranteed business on top of the already busy holiday vacation crowd.  Surely they didn’t think that this was acceptable?  Surely someone else would be there to help...  But it was clear, each time I called for help, that they had no intention of focusing their attention upstairs.  Why would they, when they could make the same amount of money off of one person upstairs while having the maximum number of employees maintaining downstairs?  Each time I called for backup, my backup would eventually, during a lull in the crowd, creep back downstairs, saying “we’re really behind”.  Nine people on shift downstairs, both of our managers and both specialists, plus five other people, and yet you still can’t keep things running?  I became a worse version of myself.  I’d dropped hobbies that would’ve kept me active and happy: walking, drawing, writing...  None of them seemed possible with my brain the way it was.  I became more angry, bitter, hostile at times, resentful...  My depression was around anytime I was too tired to fight it off, and anxiety would grip me in odd moments when there was seemingly nothing to be anxious about.  Excessive alcohol and coffee didn’t help that.

The stress of the job was compounded time and time again by a variety of factors.  I wish I was the type of person who didn’t care about how others feel, because knowing my coworkers were struggling stressed me out.  Knowing customers weren’t being served to the best of my ability stressed me out.  Knowing that my very few personal relationships were being neglected because by the time I was done with work I was too tired for them stressed me out.  

I’m not good at stress.  I think it’s had a very negative effect on my health over the years.  I’ll post about that some other time, but for now...  Let’s just say I did what I felt was best for me.  My last day of work was the 28th.  I got out of work at 6:30, worked my full shift, then felt really guilty because two of my coworkers had called out and I wasn’t willing to stay and help those who remained.  After work, I drank.  I hesitate to call myself an alcoholic, but truly I drank almost every day for the last six months of my employment.  Even on my days off (which were almost NEVER consecutive) I would feel stressed about going back to work, and drink an entire bottle of wine to feel more at ease.  I came home from work to a house full of roommates and guests, sat on the couch, poured myself a glass of wine, and fell asleep before I could take more than a sip.  It couldn’t have been past 11 pm at that point.  I awoke at 4 am, on the couch, with a blanket draped over me, and one of our former roommates on an adjacent couch (he’d been visiting for the week).  I stumbled to my room, removed my clothes and makeup, and slept. I awoke at noon after at least 12 hours of sleep, refreshed, and ready to take on the day.  It was the 29th, the day before my birthday, and I wanted a haircut and a new pair of heels.  It’d been over a year since I’d had either.  I made a call to two different salons (I hate phone calls) and got an appointment for 3:30.  After my hair, I called my great-aunt (really, I hate phone calls) to thank her for her Christmas gift (a crisp $100 bill, because she’s classy like that), and told her that I’d used it to get a lovely haircut.  She was pleased, and thanked me for my gift (the softest, warmest, biggest pale pink knit scarf ever created).  We talked for about 15 minutes as I walked toward the mall.  It was a big deal because I normally take a very long time to psych myself up to make a call, but I’d made 3 today with almost no hesitation.

I partied on my birthday, bowling and arcade games all night.  I partied on New Year’s Eve, a Star Wars themed event in my own house, put on by my roommates and I.   New Year’s Day came and I was more hungover than I’d been in ages.  Beer, wine, liquor, and not enough water the night before meant I was feeling pretty gross.  But by 3:30 PM I’d had a lot of water and finally got around to going for a walk.  I’d forgotten how picturesque it is around my house, the river is finally flowing swiftly again and winter’s cold touch has brought an eerie beauty to the landscape.  I walked along the trail for a while, enjoying the scenery, meditating, examining myself, and then a cyclist passed me by.  But he wasn’t on the path, he was up on the thick wall that separates the path from the river.  I thought that looked neat, so I walked along it for a while, concentrating on my balance, eyes firmly planted several few paces ahead.  Then I realized, sure it looks nice from the outside observer, to be walking up here, balancing and making some effort while trying to make it look easy...  but I had been so absorbed in what I was doing that I almost didn’t see that there were now several beautiful egrets in the river.  I had stopped looking at and enjoying the beauty around me because I was worried about the difficult path I’d chosen to walk on.   I hopped down from the wall. I think this year is going to be different.

[ilivesoilove0123]

Hey I need feedback on this.

I often look at my life and wonder where it all went wrong. Or right, whichever way you look at it. Was it when my first boyfriend started to abuse me? Or was it before? Have I always been this much of a loser?

I’m pretty sure the answer to that is yes. Yes I have always been a loser. But that never stopped this loser from having a small crush on a guy in high school. No it’s not this cliché girl crushes on the most popular guy in school thing. He had a decent amount of friends from what I saw. He wasn’t popular, not by a long shot. But neither was I.

He was pretty cute, though. Very cute if I was being honest. He had this sort of boy next door thing going on. That, coupled with his taste in music and sense of humor had me hooked girlfriend. He had that awful Bieber haircut before it was even a thing, like most of the boys did back then. Except his hair was brown, and he had the most amazing brown eyes. I’m swooning just thinking about.

But alas, that’s all it was, a crush. No matter how much I wished and fantasized, he never looked my way. And I had come to terms with that and I was content just admiring from afar. I mean, why would someone like him be interested in someone like me anyway? I wasn’t pretty, or very smart. I hated waking up in the mornings and I would rather read than actually pay attention in school. I hated most of my classmates and had very few friends. On top of that I had very low self-esteem.

When high school ended and everyone went their separate ways and I put my crush on the back burner. It wasn’t like I’d ever see him again. We never really crossed that many paths in high school, why would it change now? I found someone new and started going out with them. And before I knew it, 2 years had gone by before I thought of him again.

At first it was more of a, “I wonder what happened to him?” thing. But then I really got to thinking and trying to find out about him and where he’s at in life. So, I did some research.

And found nothing, NOTHING! It was like he had disappeared off the face of the planet.

And then I put him and my small I swear crush back to the back burner and tried to focus on the relationship I was actually in. And what a great relationship it was. At first anyway, but the then things went south. He started getting abusive.

It began with just mental abuse. A “you’re so stupid why don’t you ever pay attention?” here and then a “I wish I never met you.” Sprinkle it with a little, “sometimes I think about killing you.” and you have my man at the time. Lovely, right?

I know what you’re thinking-because it’s something I’ve often wondered myself, “why didn’t you just leave him?” And you’re right. I should have left him, he was horrible. But remember the low self-esteem? Yeah it did this wonderful thing to me and made me think that he was the best I was going to get. A-a-and it wasn’t so bad. He had his good moments too. He could be so sweet when he wanted to be.

Until he started to get worse.

And he started to get worse around the time we had a child together. A wonderful, beautiful baby boy that I was just so in love with. He was the best baby in the world and I’m totally being biased but I don’t care.

One day when I came home from work shortly after being released from maternity leave he was drunk and the baby was too quiet.

Turns out that my baby died that day. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome was the diagnoses. I had no proof but in my heart I just knew that he killed my baby. And still I decided to stay with him. Foolish, I know. But you see, he had started to physically abuse me right after the baby was born. And as long as it was just me he was abusing I thought I could handle it.

But then my baby died and I became depressed. I thought that I deserved it. That, because I didn’t get out before he did something to my baby that it was my fault. Of course, deep down I knew that wasn’t all true. But all of that abuse did that to me.

It’s funny though. In the end it wasn’t me that got out, it was him. It had turned out that for the last year and a half of our relationship he had been seeing some young, fresh in college girl. And one day he just… didn’t come home. Didn’t contact me after that either.

In the beginning I was devastated. I was attached to the man. He was my first boyfriend for gods sake. I had been convinced that he was the one. God how stupid I was.

One good thing that came out of our relationship was he encouraged me to become a nurse’s assistant at a nursing home. And I was actually good at it. I loved that place, I still do in fact.

It’s at this place that, five years after I had given up my search for something, anything about the guy I had a very small I swear to god crush on I thought of him again. It had been spur of the moment at first. The other girls on my team were talking about their celebrity crushes. And that made me think back to a time when I was just a naïve little loser with a crush on a cute guy. Then I thought, “I wonder how life is going for him. I hope he’s happy.”

Life works in mysterious ways. It kicks you down time and time again but then it gives you some hope. Hope for what, you never know. But they always say things happen for a reason. They say God puts people in your path for a purpose. I wonder about this a lot. What was the point of putting this awful man in my path? I’m afraid I’ll never know the answer. I’m more afraid of the reason why I don’t want to know.

I don’t know if it was God or fate or coincidence that put this next person in my life. But I’ll forever be grateful.

A week or so after my reminiscent episode we got a new resident. In a nursing home you’re bound to get residents coming in and out. Some stay forever and some leave forever. It’s part of life. You tell yourself you’re not going to get attached but it’s a lie. Spending that much time with someone day in and day out means you’re bound to get attached. And boy did I get attached.

You see, the resident was a sweet little thing. She told stories about her younger years and how she went about raising four boys all on her own. She was a remarkable woman. She loved to make jokes and always told me about her grandson and kept dropping hints about him. It started off innocently enough. “My grandson is about your age.” She told me on her first day with us after I had introduced myself and told her my age. “ In fact, you two probably went to school together!” she added with a smile.

I just smiled back and said, “We might have.” I hadn’t wanted to let her down that I in fact hated most of the boys at my school. I had hoped it would end there. And it probably would have if I hadn’t opened my mouth about being so very, very single.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t think I was ready for another relationship just yet. It had only been a year since my ex disappeared and I was still dealing with the traumatic stress it caused me. Plus, I was depressed and had very bad anxiety when it came to talking to people who might have a romantic interest in me. But sometimes it would get to me. Especially when I was the only one out of my coworkers that was single. I felt lonely sometimes. And the loneliness would get to me from time to time.

One of those times was when I was taking care of that sweet lady.

“You know, my grandson,” she began after I had gotten done telling her that I did in fact not have a child and that I was single. “he’s single too.” She said with a wink. “And he’s quite the looker. When he comes to visit when you’re not here all the girls just fawn all over him.”

I could believe that. The girls I worked with fawned over a lot of the relatives that came in for the residents.

And then I made a mistake.

Jokingly I replied to her with, “Maybe you should put in a good word for me grandma.” She preferred if I called her grandma. When I asked her why she had said that she never had any granddaughters and left it at that. I didn’t question why it was just me she let call her that, we just had a special bond.

She just smiled in return and changed the subject. I had sort of forgotten all about it until a few days later.

“My grandson is coming to the family dinner dear.” She said when I was getting her ready for bed. “You should come.” Each year the nursing home would have a big family dinner for the residents and their families and the employees and their families. It was a wonderful affair that got rave reviews every year. But it was also chaotic. I had been unlucky enough to have to work during that time every year since I started, until that year. I was so happy and didn’t plan on coming at all. Well, unless my nursing home grandma told me to.

But still, I was reluctant. “I don’t know grandma.” I replied after taking her socks off for her. “I kind of had other plans that day.” she frowned at me. “Why are you so intent on me meeting your grandson anyway?” I asked before she could comment about how she knew I didn’t actually have any plans that day.

She had a twinkle in her eyes when she replied vaguely with, “Let’s just call it grandma’s intuition. Besides,” she continued as she put her hand on my cheek. “I just want my two favorite people in the world to meet.” I smiled when she patted my cheek. “Now,” she said as she took her hand off of my cheek. “these dentures aren’t going to brush themselves deary and grannies tired, chop chop.” She clapped as I sighed and continued to get her ready for bed.

After a lot of pleading from both “grandma” and my coworkers on her behalf I decided to attend. I had dressed my best and actually put makeup on because I just knew that “grandma” would throw a fit if I didn’t look my best.

Surprisingly, for once, I wasn’t nervous that day. I usually have really bad anxiety when I have to attend functions. I’ve learned it stems from my first boyfriend and how he would get mad at the smallest things I did. Gosh how I hate that man.

It was weird being on the other side of the dinner. Usually I’m running around trying to stay out of the way of the ones whose families actually came while trying to make sure those that didn’t have anyone there get their meal as well.

These sort of things are bittersweet for people working at nursing homes. While it fills our heart with joy to see those whose family care about them and come whenever they can, it saddens us to see those who only have the workers. It always breaks my heart when a resident asks where their family is. I never have the heart to tell them I’ve never seen or heard of them coming in the time I’ve worked there. And the family dinners are no exception for me.

So when I got there, an hour early because I couldn’t stand to be away for too long, I made sure to visit those residents first. I made my way from resident to resident slowly. I was also stalling. While I was nervous, I was apprehensive about meeting “grandma’s” actual grandson.

She did have other grandsons, seven others to be exact. My sweet lady was not only blessed with four boys but also eight grandsons. She talked about all of them, and I knew the names of seven of them. I’ve always asked his name but for some reason she refused to tell me. She always danced around the subject. I know why now, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating.

Finally I couldn’t put it off anymore and made my way to her room. She was in her chair and ready to go eat. But there was also no one in her room yet. “Oh they weren’t able to come after all dear, but I’m so glad you’re here.” She told me after I asked where her family was. She followed it up with a smile that looked too innocent but I thought nothing of it as grabbed onto the wheels and we made our way out of her room. “You look nice dear.” She commented.

I had sort of zoned out as we made our way to the way to the front of the hall. So it startled me when I heard a deep voice coming from the nurses station.

“Grandma!” The voice said, making me jump and “my” grandma to let out a tiny squeal followed by “Justin!”

The name didn’t click at first. It just made me think, “Oh so the mysterious eighth grandson’s name is Justin.” And I thought what a nice name it was. Then I thought, “Don’t I know a Justin?” I couldn’t think of anyone named Justin but that name bugged me. I knew that name. Where did I know that name?

Then, I looked up.

I know my eyes widened. It couldn’t be. “G-grandma,” I stammered, “That’s not him is it?” my voice trembled as I asked her. It couldn’t be. I thought I’d never see him again after high school.

I thought I was over my very small crush on him. But as I looked in his eyes and saw them widen all those feelings came back. I was suddenly transported back to lunch period with glasses and some acne gazing from afar as I watched him between bites and talking to my small collection of friends.

There he was, in the flesh. The guy I never quite stopped pining for all these years. And he seemed to recognize me as well.

“Yes dear that’s my grandson.” She replied when she made me stop in front of him. I could see why all the girls fawn over him. He was still very cute. He had definitely grown up, and gotten taller. He filled out quite nicely.

He smiled at me and stuck his hand out. “Hey I’m Justin and you must be the infamous Brenna my grandma keeps talking about. And I’m pretty sure we went to school together.” Oh god. He was talking to me.