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unknown-saddened-user · 4 years ago

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When I’m Watching You Watch Him

Jason X Reader

Mention of Dick X Reader

A/N: Got hit with an oldie but good song. Watching You Watch Him by Eric Hutchinson, just makes me feel all sorts of ways. Anywho, my friend was making me binge some of the animated DC films with her and this just kinda happened, my bad.

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I love you from the bottom of my heart

And that's not gonna change, but things look grim

Oh, Jason had it bad. Really, really bad. Just watching her do the simplest of things made him melt into a puddle.

He had a slight crush on (y/n) before he died. And not to be dramatic or anything, but after all the care and time she had put into helping him recover he’s pretty sure she could hit him with a crowbar and he’d still put a ring on it.

What did all those gen-z toddlers call it, simping? Yeah, he was kinda a simp for her at this point, and there was use trying to escape the reality of it. Everywhere his mind took him always brought him back to the same thought, (y/n). That’s fine though, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He was a man damned to eternal hell in the presence of a blessed angel from the highs of heaven. Well shit, this ain't gonna go well.

When I'm watching you watch him

Christ, there she goes again looking at his goddamn brother. Dick fucking Grayson, golden boy himself, the first boy wonder. All eyes were only Dick as he told countless tails in remarkable detail at the large round table. She watched him from across the table, an unmistakable sparkle in those lively (e/c) eyes of hers.

“C’mon (y/n) bring those pretty eyes this way,” Jason whispered quietly enough as to not be heard.

Both elbows of his elbows were on the table which was something that would drive Alfred insane. One hand tapped idly on the oak surface, and the palm of the other held his heavy head. His gaze focused on her, taking every feature, loving each and every bit of the angel before him.

He knew he didn’t deserve her, but he couldn’t help but yearn for her anyways. Hell she deserved better than anyone in this damned family.

I give you the best a man can hope to give

He wants nothing more than to spoil her. And just when she thinks she’s seen it all he’ll surprise her with something new and filled with love.

Jason would do anything for her, if only she would only let him. He could repay all the love she put into him at least ten fold.

But I'm not feeling brave

Chances are slim

Jason was a man of action, words were never really his forte. But, of course it was something his brother excelled at. Capturing every spot light within miles of his being, there never seemed to be a moment when attention strayed from the eldest.

Of course there was so much Jason wanted to say to (y/n). However, everytime he got the chance, her attention was always pulled somewhere else. And when she came back to ask him what he wanted to say, he would always brush it off, completely missing his shot. So all the things he wanted to say went unsaid.

One would figure that literature would have maybe taught him something about wooing a lady, but alas, he is a hopeless romantic with no idea how to talk to his crush.

When I'm watching you watch him

Today was the day of another gala Jason was forced to attend. That meant that he had to dress to impress, tux and all, much to his dismay.

Jason of course arrives early to help Alfred prep with the rest of the boys. Which never ended well. When he opened the door he was greeted by the sadly normal sight of Damian attempting to choke Tim, and while most time he would have joined in the chaos, a dolled up damsel caught his gaze.

(Y/n) was trying to persuade Damian to let Tim go. She offered him cookies, however, Damian was not fazed.

God she was gorgeous, he thought. Lightly applied makeup on her already flawless complection, a dress complimenting her figure perfectly, hair topping it all off to complete the look. She was just, so her, and he loved it.

Just as he was about to lend a helping hand in her efforts, Dick stepped in to physically separate the two boys. Jason could only watch as she blushed when that dumbass winked towards her. Damian, of course, ran to her glaring at Tim as he asked for the promised cookie. Dick laughed as she raised a questioning brow at the boy hugging her waist. Jason let out a sign, walking past them to the kitchen, occasionally glancing at her, desperate for her to return his stares.

Oh, what is left to learn

When he will let you crash and burn

Dick was quite the flirt, it wasn’t hard for anyone to figure out upon meeting him. He flirted with every single person, heck he would probably flirt with a dog. Jason shuttered at the thought.

All Dick’s life he has been a player, toying around with others' feelings. A complete heartbreaker. It kills Jason to know that she could possibly become one of the many victims burned by his games.

He never gives attention

But you still yearn

It's obvious to Jason that she was enraptured by Dick, falling for all his empty flirting. Or at least that’s how he saw it. If only she could see it the way Jason did. Maybe then her heart wouldn’t ache for someone who never who would never see her in a romantic way.

Part of Jason is relieved that Dick isn’t into her. But still….

Where do I fit in

There she was sitting next to Damian who was fiddling with her fingers out of boredom. It was kinda sweet how motherly she was to him. And anyone could tell just how much that little demon spawn looked up to her. (Y/n) was someone Damian values above all others, even Dick. He was stuck to her side every moment he could be, only acting his real age around her. She just had that effect on him and Jason has no idea how she does it.

Every Wayne had a special place in her heart, just like she held a special place in theirs. The whole family was like her own, they were a family she never had growing up all alone in the streets of Gotham.

The same exact streets he spent most of his childhood wonder around. Having a similar past made it easy for the two to bond. Exchanging memories of hardships and prosperities while laying on the roof of Wayne Enterprise, tracing out shapes made from glowing stars in the moonlit sky.

When I’m watching you watch him

Jason sat alone sipping whiskey from the canteen tucked in the inside of his coat pocket. He could just tell by the way she was looking at his older brother who was dancing between a crowd of ladies that it was going to be a very very long night.

God only knows why I still wait around

Except I hate to see you cry

He doesn’t understand how Dick could just ignore her loving gazes. Does Dick not understand that the woman Jason practically worshipped was crying out for his attention? What a dumbass, Jason thought.

And I need you

But there are things I cannot do

If only Jason had the balls to go over there and ask her to dance. Steal her attention away from that play boy and focus it on the man who would die for her in a heartbeat. (Y/n) was his salvation, his savior from the twisted shadow that darkened all that good in his mind after being revived.

Though his mind was screaming at him to comfort her, he physically could not approach her. Not even Jason himself understood what was holding him back, it was not pride, not masculinity, god knows he would scrap all of that for her.

Maybe it was fear, the fear of not being good enough. The fear of being rejected by her angelic self.

Man, he sighed taking another swig of the bitter liquid, it was indeed going to be a long night.

And I want you

When he’s playing all his games

Jason watched her the whole night, even when she got her turn to dance with Dick. The sight really tore Jason to pieces. He would almost rather get beaten with a crowbar then watch that ever again.

It was hard to pick between swooning over the smiles and giggles passing those luscious lips of her and punching the absolute shit out of Dick as he led her on. But, he chose to just let her be happy for the moment.

However that moment was short lived as people who stood idly on the side were pulling into the center of the room to dance. Every time someone tried to coax him over he would snap at them. That was until she held out both of her hands out to him, at first he shook her off. But, unfortunately for him, (y/n) was just as stubborn as he was and she was going to get him out on that floor even if it was the last thing she ever did.

Puffing out her chest strut over to his isolated figure. Oh, how he wished she had not come over to him. Who the hell was he if he had denied the pouty expression on her face that was supposed to be a menacing glare.

And it gets hard to tell who's the victim

Both of them danced the longest together which kinda pissed off the baby bat who wanted her attention oh so badly. Jason could give less of a shit thought, he was going to make the most of this moment.

Two partner rotations had gone by as people swayed with the music, but he wasn’t quite ready to give her up. Life, like always, didn’t seem to want to comply with Jason’s wishes as she was swiped from him amongst the crowd as another person was thrown into him.

The two youngest were quick to catch onto Jason’s dilemma. Tim felt kinda bad, the longing stares of a broken man really did a number on the sleep deprived boy’s heart strings. Damian pretended to not give two shits, he values Dick as an important role model, but even Damian knew that Dick was no good for his beloved Ummi. If Damian had to choose between the two, he would rather her go with Jason.

When I’m watching you watch him

The cycle continued just as it had for months on end. Jason would look her way, but his gaze was never returned.

Oh, what is left to learn to learn

When he would let you crash and burn

She would give her romantic affection to the eldest, just like she alway had. And in return Dick strung her along like a lovesick puppy on a loose leash. Never committing to her, but flirting just enough to keep her hooked on in his delusional version of love.

He never gives attention

But you still yearn

One day, Jason prays, one day she will look his way. Giving her even more love then she could ever hope for.

But, that day is not today, or the next day, or the day after that. All he can do is wait hopelessly from his spot.

Where do I fit

Sometimes he wonders if she even sees him anymore. He feels as though he has become nothing but a forgotten memory filed in the back of that pretty head of hers.

Jason can only hope that one day she will see him the same way he sees her.

When I’m watching you watch him

As of lately something seemed to be off. Her eyes weren’t as bright as they were. She carried herself in an anxious manner, constantly fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

It concerned Jason to no end. He had no idea why she was acting the way she was, and no matter how far he dug nothing came up. And it aggravated him that Dick ignored her strange behavior, it really wasn’t that hard for someone to tell something was off if they had been around her as long as the Wayne's have.

Hell, even Damian took notice of her distressed figure. Her state caused the brat to cling to her hip even more than normal. Occasionally, Damian would send a glare the golden boy’s way as he approached the two. Damian’s worried expression shifts to her face to Jason’s stares in a pleading manner. It was if he was asking Jason to do something. Fix her, help her, comfort her; do something dammit.

God only known why I still wait around

Except I hate to see you cry

Imagine his surprise when the angel of his dreams shows up at his door in the middle of the night, tears staining the soft skin of her cheeks. Her eyes were red and puffy, it's not hard to tell that she had been crying for a couple of hours.

One of Jason’s old oversized sweatshirts draped over her much smaller frame. She bunched up one of the giant sleeves, a heap of fabric gathered into the palm of her still covered hand. Using the sleeve she wiped her wet eyes making tiny splotches of the fabric darken from the salty liquid.

Oh God, he didn’t know what good he had done for her to show up at his doorstep, but he wasn’t going to question it.

And I need you

But there are things I cannot do

(Y/n) was a sight for sore eyes, even in her grief stricken state.

Gathering her into his arms, Jason pulled her into the apartment quietly shutting the door behind her as to not startle her any further.

Jason had an idea as of why she was upset. Dick stood her up for their weekly coffee get together for the second time this month, opting to hang out with some whore he met at the gala the other month.

It was pathetic really. Dick had no concern for (y/n)’s feelings and it made Jason’s blood boil dangerously close to the lip of the pot.

And while this probably would have flustered him in any other scenario, leading to him awkwardly patting her back or something. But, there was only one thing going through his mind at this point. Comforting her. Making all her problems become nothing but a long forgotten memory.

And I love you

Like a broken record plays

But I’m a window pane

A phantom limb

No matter how much it hurt him to hold her so close, knowing that she didn’t return his fatal feeling, killed him all over again. However, he would suck it up to if it meant bringing a smile back to that gorgeous face of hers.

He’s a sucker for her, but at least he knows it. Jason might not be able to admit it in words, but he did his best to relay it through actions.

When I’m watching you watch him

“That woman was right, I’m just not worth it,” She whispered through hiccups.

Jason’s eyes shot down to her in utter shock, his grip involuntary tightening on her frame, causing her to let out a small squeak.

What did that filthy pig say to his angel? That gold digger didn’t have a clue what the word meant. Oh, Dick was in for it the next time he came around.

“I don’t know what upsets me more,” Jason muttered gently, “the fact that she said that or the fact that you actually believe that bitch.”

Clearly his statement caught her attention. Glossy eyes pooling with salty tears threatening to spill over peered into his own.

Fuck it, he thought, its now or never.

Taking a deep breath, exhaling hot air through his nose, he threw everything worry and doubt out the window and took his chances.

No matter how many times she tried to wipe her tears, they just kept coming as he spilled out all his thoughts about her. Telling her just how priceless she was to him. Jason made sure not to skip out on even the slightest of detail. His walls shattered, heart lying bare and utterly vulnerable before her. He, himself, couldn’t help but let a couple tears cascade down.

Taking her other dry sleeve she brought it to his face, gently wiping the water droplets away as they fell. All this time she has been looking at the wrong man. Listening as Jason’s walls shattered rekindled those mushy feelings she had for him back before his Robin days. Back during the times when they could care less about the world as they fought the harsh world side by side.

Those feelings she pushed down when he came back guns blazing. When he disregarded everything he once had, putting all his pain into the bullets in the barrels of his guns. Though she never gave up on him, it was hard for her. All he did back then was push her away, giving her the cold shoulder time after time again. Though all her efforts were kicked to the side and stomped on at the time.

Dick was the only one to comfort her back then. Maybe it was the comfort and reassurance that drew her to him all those times, but what does it matter anymore.

When I’m watching you watch him

Little did they know the two nosey pairs of eyes watching them through the window from a roof a couple buildings over. Binoculars peered into the living room where Jason and (y/n) rocked back and forth on their feet in each other's embrace.

Smack!

Both Red Robin and Robin let of a high pitched yelp as the binoculars were swiped from their faces. They stared at each other with wide eyes of surprise, a heavy grunt brought them from their daze. Neither one of them wanted to look behind, acting like toddlers being caught doing something they knew they weren’t supposed to.

To giant gloved hands extended palms up in front of their faces, a wordless demand to hand over the devices. Of course they did as they were told, but not without complaining and throwing a couple jabs at one another. The boys headed in the opposite direction to patrol the remainder of the city.

Once they were out of sight, Batman put the binoculars to his eyes. A rare smile graced his rough feature at the sight of the two. Hooking the lenses to his belt he went after the bickering boys.

It was a start. It was their start. The start of something beautiful in the years to come.

When I’m watching you watch him

#jason todd x reader #jason todd #red hood #red hood x reader #dc #batfam x reader

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noonymoon · 4 years ago

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JUSTICE FOR JESUS — Misconceptions & Prejudices about the Faith in the Biblical Jesus Christ.

INTRO

Jesus put it on my heart to write about one of the main factors that keep people away from Him nowadays and I feel qualified to do that since I was in exactly that peer group before Christ knocked on my door (the second time) and showered me with His Love. As some maybe have read in my first testimony, at first I had violently pushed Him away (and I was extremely rude, I remember how I sent a ten minutes audio voice message to a friend [i mean, who does that...??], and philosophized about how the God of the Bible could be the Devil Himself and that maybe it‘s a trap for the weak people who need Religion to cope in this life; looking back that was just entirely bonkers and also very wrong, and now that I know Jesus, I am ashamed that I‘ve ever thought something evil like this, but gladly He has a heart probably bigger than the Universe itself and will always forgive)

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. — Matthew 18:21-22

and among all the outrageously horrible things I‘ve done in my life, this was probably the most bad error ever. God thought that by now I sure was humble enough to be approached (you know after my Mama died, I‘ve had 2 strokes, I‘ve been in a terribly traumatic violent relationship for over 2 years, I‘ve lost my apartment and almost lost my mind as well clearing out the apartment, was homeless for several months and received multiple thousands of Euros debts in my name because of the situation that was going on in my living community and with my Ex, people who have been following this blog know what I am talking about) but I was sooooo stubborn and DUMB. and not humble at all. I‘ve thought I had all the answers because „Spirituality“ is so much better than „Religion“ and because esoteric and occult knowledge is the Truth and that I would be „enlightened“ someday when I just kept „working“ to „spiritually grow“, meditate, doing divination about „my soul“ and my „past lives“ and „my future“, and „manifest“ my life however I wanted it to be.

A month after I‘ve pushed Jesus away and blasphemed His intentions, well, I was laying on my (new apartment) floor, having the worst seizure one can imagine, my brain was flooded in blood, the pressure and pain on me was extreme, my whole body clenched, the paramedics spoke to me very alarmed and dramatically, and I could hear and understand them but I was entirely paralyzed within my body, I could not speak, I could not move, I sweated so hard that my entire clothes were soaked from only 20 minutes of laying there, then I‘ve had to vomit twice, almost drifted off to unconsciousness, was freezing cold, got transported as fast as possible to the hospital... had a 6 hour brain surgery, was in a coma for 2-3 days and when I woke up I‘ve lived through almost an entire month of hospital „terror“ (I am very sure that I‘ve had something like an almost-psychosis in the first 2 weeks because really weird things happened in my mind back then that I cannot even explain) and it was already the Covid-19 panic, so I was literally alone all day, every day until I was stabilized and was allowed to leave the hospital at the end of April.

I‘m not saying that God punished me, not at all. But what He indeed does is disciplining the ones that He has chosen to be His child, just like an actual Father has to sometimes discipline his child for the sake of proper parenting. When I was stubborn and pushed Jesus away, Satan had legitimate authority to do whatever he wanted, except that I die. We see a similar situation in the book of Job 1:6-12

After I got home, I was still in horrible shape, I could barely walk (I‘ve used a rollator and later on I‘ve used crutches), I‘ve had a bad headache pretty much all the time (I still do, not all of the time, but very often), I‘ve done my daily rehab until first week of July, and now I am on weekly rehab. People would say I‘ve had enormous „luck“ or a „guardian angel“ but I know now that it was God who protected me. He needed to make sure that I meet Jesus AND accept Him before I truly die because death without Jesus means death eternal.

And so, Jesus approached me another time and I‘ve wrestled with Him and I‘ve almost pushed Him away again but THANK GOD, to the exact same time, an old friend from TUMBLR found me on Twitter (she was @spirit-mouse back on here) and also at the same time I‘ve heard of Courtney (@powerpriestess) turning to Christ, and at first I was like „?????“ and it was a huge struggle back and forth for days and I‘ve ALMOST pushed Jesus away again but ... talking with this old friend, who also felt a pull towards Jesus, I let it happen, because she let it happen, like a few days before me, and now I am just eternally grateful that my pride, stubbornness and idiocy didn‘t get a hold of me again and that I just let it happen and it was the best decision in my ENTIRE life. I am just filled with love and eternal gratitude for God and Jesus for not giving up on me, for humbling me enough to make it happen, and I literally don‘t go more than 15 minutes of my day without thinking of them, every single day, since July. It‘s just NOT possible to be born-again and to not think of God all the time *lol* - I have never been more satisfied, happy and peaceful in my entire existence and I could literally drop dead right now and I know it would be okay! (well okay, I really want to be baptized first..)

HOWEVER, - this was a long intro - the misconceptions about the Faith in the Biblical Jesus Christ are severe (!) and since I, myself, had aaaall the evil prejudices that one can have, I want to clear them aaaall up in this post series. My prayer is that people who feel a pull towards Jesus won‘t do the same mistake that I did and that maybe I can help to clear away the stigma and confusion about the faith in Jesus and following Him.

If anyone needs help along the way, you can contact me on Instagram @ noony.newborn - I know just how confusing EVERYTHING is when you start your relationship with Christ and how utterly confusing the Bible is, and sadly, these days, you can literally not trust a SINGLE pastor because Satan has infiltrated the institutional Church around 300 A.D. and ever since then, it just got worse and worse and worse with the blasphemy and deception.

I don‘t have an exact outline but some of the things I‘d like to talk about are the things you most definitely do NOT need to know, love, follow and obey Jesus Christ: Institutional Church, a Pastor, Religion, Creeds and man-made Doctrines, the Pope, Catholic Catechism, Rules, Bible Commentaries of religious Authors, nothing of that. The literally only thing you need is a Bible, Prayer and JESUS and that‘s all that you need. Of course a congregation is a nice thing to have but trust me, you rather want to be alone with Jesus than to be at your local Sunday Service and be entirely devoid of the presence of Christ, His Holy Spirit.

I will include a handful of testimonies of real people who met Jesus, were born-again and are absolutely in Love with Him, on each of these posts. The variety of people who come to Jesus is just incredible and I cry every time when I see such testimonies because I can so much relate to the emotional atmosphere and how everyone is just so grateful. I have been crying pretty much daily since July just because His love is so overwhelming and a human can not possibly hold it inside without shaking and wanting to burst, tears are the only suitable reaction for me (and as far as I’ve seen in the testimonies, every born-again believer feels the same way, it’s beautiful beyond anything).

I pray that you are open to this series of posts and that maybe God can reach you through them, so that you, too, can be born-again and just joyful and at peace with your life forever and ever.

May Jesus bless you ♡

TESTIMONIES

Melody Alisa - From New Age to Jesus | My Testimony

Kyle - Suicidal Atheist Finds Jesus | Testimony

Ayelet - I am Jewish and I Believe in Yeshua - Jesus!

Shokit Ali - A Muslim gets saved by Jesus Christ! Powerful Testimony!

Samuel A. Perez - Gay Stripper Saved By Jesus | Christian Testimony

#Jesus Christ #jesus loves you #justice for jesus

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labyrinthofloving · 5 years ago

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----Look After Me----

CHAPTER TWO:

Recap----“Listen to me,” he demands softly, “this is not your fault, you hear me? The only person to blame here is Zach, he made a choice. He made the wrong choice because he hurt you, but he made that choice. None of this is your fault, you did nothing wrong, this is all on him.” he comforts as he pulls (Y/N) into his chest and shares another pointed look with Grayson, who’s still making efforts to control his temper.

When he’s finally able to think past his anger, Grayson pulls (Y/N)’s legs onto his lap and exhales loudly as he begins to speak, “We love you so much, (Y/N). I’m so sorry that he did this to you, no one deserves this and especially not you. We’re gonna make sure you’re okay, this isn’t what will break you. You’re so strong, you’re going to be okay, we’ll make sure of it.”

Following Grayson’s words, the three of them sit there in silence just holding each other until they all fall asleep on the couch. (Y/N) curled into Ethan’s chest with her legs sprawled across Gray’s lap, surrounding her in a blanket of support as they drifted to sleep.

They were all peacefully asleep until the next morning when Kyle burst in screaming, “Does someone feel like telling me why the fuck I just got a call saying the car’s been towed?”

After waking up, they decide to let Kyle and Grayson deal with getting the car back, agreeing to talk about everything with Kyle after the vehicle is back in their possession. They were all afraid that if Kyle knew what had happened before they got the car back, the drive home wouldn’t have been safe. So, that left Ethan and (Y/N) alone back at the house.

“You feeling any better?” asks Ethan as they sit in the lounge chairs in the backyard.

“Not really, I can’t believe Zach had the car towed. I mean, I guess with everything thats happened it shouldn’t surprise me. I just feel like I let everyone down.” she says shifting her attention to her fidgeting hands. “You all told me that he wasn’t good for me, but I didn’t listen. I really thought he was the one or whatever.”

“I mean I won’t lie to you, it was frustrating to watch you with someone who was so clearly not good enough for you. But we all just want you to be happy because all of us love you.”

“I love you guys too.” she responded.

Little did she know that Ethan had wanted to say so much more to her. He wanted to tell her that he was IN love with her. That he was confused she didn’t seem to understand something that was so unbelievably clear to him, that they could be great together. But he knew that now wasn’t the time for them. He wanted her to choose him because she wants him, not because she’s hurting and needs someone.

With that, they got up and headed back inside to start making some food for when Kyle and Grayson returned. Settling on some of the new vegan mac and cheese that the twins had recently discovered. (Y/N) made Ethan sit on the counter and watch, he’s already been so helpful to her and she just wanted to be able to show that she appreciates him.

“Anything you want to do today?” asks E.

“Honestly? I’m kinda fucking exhausted. I think I may want to take a nap later.”

“I think that’s something we can make happen.”

“How have you been lately, I feel like I haven’t seen you in so long.” (Y/N) says trying to reach the bowls for the mac and cheese.

“I’ve been pretty good. I’m really excited for the project we’re about to start filming. I feel like it’s going to be different than anything we’ve done before.” Ethan says getting up to help her reach the bowls on the top shelf.

As he reached over her she could feel his front pressed against her, and smell the cologne that she had always loved when he wore. This wasn’t necisarily out of the norm for them, everyone in their close knit group had always been physically affectionate. But somehow, it had always meant something a little more to (Y/N) when it was Ethan being physically affectionate. She never thought about it though, because anyone who knows (Y/N) knows that she’s loyal as fuck. A ride or die for anyone she lets into her life and into her heart. She’s pissed that Zach betrayed that.

“Anything you guys film is fucking amazing, you guys deserve all the love and I’m ready for the people to enjoy the shit out of everything you guys pour your hearts in,” (Y/N) said as she scooped some of the mac and cheese into the bowl.

“Thank you (Y/N), but on the real note, I’m excited as hell for you. I mean you have two new big deals you are close to making and like holy shit you’re a CEO. You help the merch shop and Wakeheart and now you are expanding and it makes me so proud of you,” Ethan said as he sat down in one of the yellow chairs at the dining room table.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, E.” She said with a smile as she sat down in the yellow chair next to him.

“Crash and Burn,” Ethan said with a snicker.

“Yeah right,” She chuckled as she brought the spoon of (Vegan) Mac and Cheese to her mouth and ate it.

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS BOMB AS FUCK, PUT THIS SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW ETHAN,” (Y/N) exclaimed as she scooped more of the (Vegan) Mac and Cheese on her spoon.

“Jesus Christ (Y/N), calm your ass down, I’m going to eat the damn mac and cheese,” he said and stook the spoon in his mouth.

“Holy fuck! You were right, this is the best shit I’ve had in awhile,” Ethan moaned as he pulled the spoon out of his mouth.

“I told you so,” (Y/N) said as she continued to eat.

As they were sitting and enjoying their food and making small talk, the door alarm went off signaling that Kyle and Grayson had come back from retrieving the towed car.

“Can we talk about what the hell is going on now?” Kyle asked abrasively and (Y/N) looked down at her hands again nervously. The carefree mood she was in with Ethan vanishing in an instant.

“I went over to Zach’s house and found him having sex with his assistant on the counter in the kitchen. I came here after because it was closer and I didn’t feel okay to drive, so I guess Zach had my car towed.”

Kyle’s mouth dropped open. “He did WHAT?”

“I said he-”

“I know what the fuck you just said. I’m gonna kill him. I’m going to expose him for being the piece of shit that he is, and then I’m going to kill him. He can’t do that to you. Who the fuck does he think he is? He can’t just do that!” Kyle fumed.

“Well he did. I’m honestly so tired of talking about it, I just want to ignore that it happened for a little bit. I just want to feel like it’s okay, just for a second just let me pretend that it’s okay.” (Y/N) said tearing up.

As Kyle saw his sister’s eyes filling with tears he walked towards her, arms spread wide as she stood up from her chair. She ran towards him and collapsed into his grasp, letting him soothe her in a way only he could.

“I’m sorry. I’m just really emotional right now and I don’t mean to take it out on you. I just don’t want it to hurt like this anymore.” She sniffles into her big brother’s chest and looks up at him through wide and tearful eyes.

“You don’t have to be sorry, I’m the one that should be sorry, I just hate seeing you hurt, I love you more than words can describe, you’re my baby sister, my job is to protect you and seeing you hurt, kills me. I promise you that you will get through this, I know you, you’re stronger than I’ll ever be,” Kyle said carding his fingers through her hair as she buries her face in the crook of her neck.

“I love you Mufasa,” she said as she laid her head on his chest. She let out a small yawn from the exhaustion that she felt from her emotions.

“Do you want to go lay down and rest for a while? And then after we can go out and buy a shit ton of deserts and watch Lion King on the projector?” Kyle said, stroking her hair soothingly. (Y/N) nodded, not wanting to speak at all at the moment.

“You can crash in my bed so that it's more comfortable than the couch,” Ethan said.

She just followed Ethan to his bedroom and laid down on his bed, burying herself within his comforter. His blankets and pillows smelled just like him and it added a sense of comfort as she slowly began to drift off to sleep. Ethan smiled slightly at the beautiful girl that laid in his bed and turned the bedroom lights off and left the door slightly cracked so that he would be able to hear her just in case anything were to happen. He took a deep breath before walking back to the living room where Grayson and Kyle sat. The tension in the household had died down for the sake of (Y/N). In reality, Kyle and the twins were beyond pissed. Zach had abused her. Not physically but mentally, and had exploited her for the success of her company to boost his own ego and channel. They pushed down the anger for (Y/N) as they knew she was hurting and them getting angry just made her more upset.

Grayson had turned on some videos on how to build a tiny house and Kyle pulled out his laptop, editing photos from a recent photoshoot that he had directed. Ethan sat on the opposite side of the couch and rested his chin on his hand. The look of (Y/N)’s face when she broke down was etched into his mind and broke his heart every time it replayed through his head. He wanted to make all of her sadness go away, he wanted that douchebag Zach to pay for the bullshit that he did to (Y/N) and he wanted to confess all of his true feelings that have been around for months to her.

“Ethan, stop daydreaming about (Y/N),” Grayson snickered.

“I’m not.” E grumbles and puts his head in his hands, tugging on his hair.

“You so are, you fuckin liar!” Grayson laughs.

“I am not! Now shut the hell up before your loud ass voice wakes her up.” Ethan gets up to pace around the living room, “Sorry, I’m just really pissed off right now. I don’t like seeing her hurt. It hurts me to see her like that.”

“It’s because Grayson’s right.” Kyle says looking up from his computer, “You’ve been in love with her for a while now.”

“How did you know?” E asks sitting back down on the couch.

“You look at her how dad looked at Ma.” Grayson responds looking straight at Ethan with intensity.

The room went quiet as Ethan thought over what his brother just said. The truth is, he’s known that he loves her for a while now. He just didn’t want to say anything about it because somehow, that made it more real. He’s scared of how he feels because he doesn’t want to get hurt, not that he thinks that she’d hurt him but the chance of it alone paralyzes him with fear. It’s scary how much she affects him, something that has become clearer and clearer as he’s seen her hurt in the past twenty-four hours. He can feel it consuming him and he’s absolutely terrified.

“I love you man,” Kyle says looking up at E, “and she could definitely do much worse than you, just don’t hurt her because I don’t think I can watch her go through anything like this again.”

“I could never hurt her, not even in my worst nightmare.”

They sit in silence again, no noise except for the T.V. quietly in the background and the sound of their own thoughts consumed the air. None of them really knew how much time had passed when (Y/N) walked into the living room, rubbing her eyes and plopping between Kyle and Grayson. She leaned her head over Kyle's shoulder and sighed as he looped his arm around her shoulders.

“How are you feeling, Simba?”

“I’m okay, getting kind of hungry though.” (Y/N) responds by moving to get up for food.

“Here I got you,” Gray says as he stands, “you stay here and relax.”

As Gray walks into the kitchen, E stands up and moves to sit by (Y/N), moving her legs into his lap and stroking the skin on her calf that’s not covered by his shorts that she was still wearing from last night. He can feel Kyle’s eyes burning into the side of his head as he gets consumed in his own thoughts again. He’s just a little overwhelmed. A little emotionally exhausted. But regardless, if he could, he would gladly absorb some of the pain that he knows for a fact she’s still feeling full force. He knows her, and he loves her. Even though he’s still scared, when he looks at her slumped on his couch against one of his best friends, he knows that she’s worth any risk of getting hurt. If someone had told him a year and a half ago that the feisty girl getting out of the car to help film was going to mean so much to him, he would have thought they were crazy. But now he’s just sitting there with overflowing amounts of love for her.

He looks up at her and finds her eyes locked back on him. In response, he gave her a little half smile and a reassuring squeeze on the leg that was still resting on his lap.

“Hey guys, dinner’s ready!” they hear Grayson hollar from inside the kitchen.

With that, the three of them get up and go to meet Ethan’s twin in the kitchen to sit down for somewhat of a family dinner.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Hi guys! That was chapter 2, hope you guys enjoyed it. @fxkthatdairy and I worked really hard on it and I'm excited to see what you guys think ❤️

Taglist:

@graydolan12

@graysavant

@billiexdolanz

#kyle houck #ethan dolan #ethan dolan fluff #lam!ethan #ethan x reader #grayson dolan #dolan twins #dolan twins angst #ethan dolan angst #ethan dolan series #my writing

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anoutlandishfanfic · 5 years ago

Text

Metamorphosis AU: Ch. 24, Pt. 2, Convalescence.

Huzzah! Finally an update!! Thank you all for your patience.

The Premise: What if Claire had conceived on her wedding night with Jamie?

You can find previous chapters here or over at AO3.

Its a bit of a long one, so everything is below the cut.

January 22nd, 1744.

“Jamie, this is amazing,” I sighed, trying to take in the wonder my husband had just introduced me to. Rows upon rows of books surrounded us, bookshelves housing tomes of history, poetry, and — the section I was standing in the very midst of — medicine.

My fingers reverently brushed across the spines of the books before me. English, French, and Latin titles bespoke of anatomy and physiology, the beginnings of cardiology and the cardiovascular system. They were far from what I considered the latest break in medical advancement, I was sure a good portion of the information they held within would be entirely incorrect, but the value of such a collection in my day would be priceless.

“Aye,” he grinned proudly, professing, “I thought you might like it. Murtagh brought me several to read before I found my feet again and now I find myself coming here often… ‘tis soothing, somehow.”

I nodded, knowing the feeling well, but he continued, his focus shifting to the tomes in front of us.

“Micrographia… Institutiones Medicae... A Directory for— Sassenach look a’ this!”

Jamie eagerly snatched the book from the shelf, rattling off its name and contents as fast as his lips could tout them.

A Directory for Midwives or a Guide for Women in the Conception, Bearing, and Suckling of their Children.

“The Anatomy of the Vessels of Generation, The Formation of the Child in the Womb, What Hinders Conception, What Hastens Conception… Christ, everythin’s in here!”

I peered at the open page before him and scanned the rest of the table of contents.

A Guide for Women in their Labour.

A Guide for Women in their Lying-In.

Jesus H Roosevelt Christ

My gut clenched and nausea threatened to over take me at the antiquated phrase.

Their bloody fucking lying-in.

This phase of a woman’s pregnancy — the one I was now in the very midst of — often spelled her demise. What, with weeks spent confined to her bedchamber and doted on by the backward practices of an uneducated physician, mothers dropped like flies in this century and their infants soon followed, if not predeceased them. The thought of the entire book being filled with monstrous diagrams made my head spin as I pushed it against Jamie’s chest and staggered out of the row of bookcases.

“Claire?”

My husband’s voice floated over my head as I careened towards the large fireplace at the other end of the room. I heard him follow me, but didn’t acknowledge his presence as I reached my destination and grabbed for the back of a sturdy wooden chair before the fire. My knuckles turned white as I gripped it, my chest tight as I gasped for air.

“Are you alright, mo chridhe?” he asked from somewhere behind me.

“No,” I bit out, my jaw clenching as my head gave a decided shake, “I’m fucking terrified.”

Jamie paused only for a moment before stepping around and coming to stand before me. His face was awash with complete understanding, his eyes alight with his own fears… for he knew first hand the dangers involved in the travail ahead of me.

“Aye,” he murmured softly, my frantic heartbeat evening out beneath his steady gaze.

“Forget about the book, mo nighean donn.”

I shook my head as sanity and coherent thought slowly began to creep back in, his nearness steadying me.

“No, you should read it,” I swallowed hard, tramping down the bile rising at the back of my throat. “We should read it… go through it together.”

Jamie offered his hand over the chair and I took it gladly, continuing as he guided me into his arms.

“I need you to know what’s going on… I need you to protect me… protect us, should the midwife try any funny business.”

“Funny business?”

“Yes,” I muttered emphatically, albeit muffled by the front of his shirt as I buried my face in his chest.

He contemplated this foreign phrase for a moment, his whole body rumbling in good humor as he asked, “Did the midwife a’ Lallybroch try any funny business?”

“No,” I shook my head against him as I reckoned back to that fateful day at Lallybroch.

“No, she knew what she was doing… so did Jenny.”

What I wouldn’t give to have Jenny here.

Jamie’s sister had been confident in her midwife, in her own capabilities, and in the knowledge that should the worst happen — a very real possibly as her baby had been breach — her young family would be safe in the care of their father and secure in her ancestral home.

I had no guarantees of any of these things.

I was incredibly wary of anyone in this century who claimed to have any sort of medical knowledge, unsure of my own body’s limitations — say nothing of strength of those who lived within me — and entirely unwilling to let myself even think of what would happen to Jamie and our children should I die in childbirth.

A shiver ran through me and Jamie’s embrace tightened, his head tipping forward to rest atop mine. His lips moved amid my curls and his voice brought me out of my thoughts.

“You liked the midwife a’ Leoch, aye? Mebbe we can find one in France who isna sae bad.”

The bitter taste of dread filled my mouth as I contemplated our impending voyage and subsequent overland journey to Paris. It would take weeks and I wasn’t sure just how many of those I had to spare.

What if my time came before we reached our destination?

I moved in Jamie’s arms, twisting until I could see his face. I needed to see the surety in his eyes, the strength that somehow still remained after all he’d been through.

“And if she is?”

His lips hovered above mine, his blue eyes true as he promised, “I willna leave your side, mo chridhe… not for a moment.”

I kissed him soundly, taking him at his word, needing his presence and support more than any guidance a midwife could give me.

Jenny’s labor had been almost instinctual, a dance orchestrated by the movements within her… I knew myself best while I was within my husband’s arms, intune to the inner workings of my womb and that of my heart. I could let the world and its worries fade away and focus on him… on us.

Maybe mine could be the same.

He kissed me again, making my heart soar and my head spin. His good hand slid down my back, settling on my hips for a moment before dipping even further to firmly grasp my bottom. He lifted me ever so slightly as he pressed himself against me and revealed a need as mighty as my own.

Electricity ran up and down my spine and I took hold of a fistful of his hair as his tongue slipped between my lips. I moaned around his intrusion, my hips bucking against his, and I felt his lips smile around mine as he slowly retreated.

“Jamie,” I hissed.

“Aye,” he purred, “I ken.”

Another, foreign voice echoed my husband’s name from somewhere in the distance, completely interrupting the first truly intimate moment I’d had with him in months.

“Jamie?”

“Go the bloody hell away,” I muttered and pulled Jamie’s lips back to mine.

He chuckled at this and the deep vibrations of his delight sent me reeling towards the point of no return

“Jamie?” The voice tried again, “Are ye within?”

I plunged my hands between us, tugging at his shirtfront and entirely untucking as I groaned, “Not just yet, but he will be in a moment.”

Jamie’s smile spread into a full on grin as he kissed me quickly, but then — to my complete dismay — he broke away and settled me back onto the ground. I blinked up at him in confusion as he called out to our disturbance.

“Aye, over here, lad,” he guided, tucking his shirt neatly back into its place.

Guilt overwhelmed me as I back peddled, letting him move towards the general direction of who I assumed to be Willie.

He isn’t ready, you bloody fool. Do you really expect him to hop right back into your pants now that he’s regained basic function of his extremities?! Give him time!

Jamie took hold of my hand before I could move away much farther and pulled me back to his side, murmuring low, “We’ll see wha’ news he has, then send him on his way, aye?

I nodded without comment and he squeezed my hand. He tipped my chin up with one finger to look at him and his eyes communicated all I needed to know and then some before he kissed me once more.

Soon… I promise.

I sighed as he pulled away and forced a smile for the unofficial go-between to Jamie’s uncle Dougal. I refused to speak to the bloody man and as he and my husband were at constant loggerheads over our flight from the Highlands, Willie had stepped into the position with gusto.

“A good evenin’ to ye, Mistress Claire,” his genuine and warm greeting was soothing, even as his presence was the last thing I wished for right now.

“And to you, Willie.”

Jamie’s stance shifted, unable to stay still as he anticipated the news to come, “Did you find him, then? The captain of the Demeter?”

“Nae, I didna,” the boy’s face fell. “It sailed wi’ the tide last morn… but the innkeeper thought it’d be back in three weeks time.”

“Nothin’ before then?” Jamie sighed.

“No’ that I could find… but I’ll keep lookin’.”

“Aye,” Jamie nodded, having to accept this. “I thank ye, lad.”

Willie stood a little straighter at his, his admiration for my husband growing by the day, and insisted, “‘Twas nothin’. We’ll find one yet.”

The boy made a move to leave, but then remembered something.

“Oh, Mistress Claire, Father Anselm asked if ye’d come to the kitchens… Brother Josef has a wee burn tha’ needs a bit of tendin’, if ye’re up to it.”

His face was expectant, knowing my answer before I said it. These men of faith had done so much for me and my own that it would be incredibly rude of me to not see to the wound, say nothing of unethical.

“Of course,” I tried to smile.

Jamie saw my reticence and grinned as he fanned the flames within me, picking up the book we’d found and giving me a dismissive whack on the behind with it, “I’ll bring this back to your rooms, then, Sassenach.”

“Wait for me, mmm?” I gave him a look before moving away, telling him exactly what I thought of that.

“Oh, aye,” he grabbed my hand, bringing me hastily back to his side as he dipped his head, purring a directive for my ears alone.

“Hurry.”

…

The act of caring for Brother Josef’s minor wound had cooled my head, but the heat of what awaited me in my chambers still burned deep within me as I bid the small gathering of monks goodnight. I assured them I could find my way on my own, not wanting their celibate presence along side me as I wrestled with what this stage in Jamie’s recovery would mean for the both of us.

Was he really ready?

Physically, my husband was certainly healthy enough for intercourse — provided he was smart about the use of his right hand — but it was his emotional state that I was worried about.

Jamie had remained silent over much about what had happened in that hell hole, but I knew for certain that the sadistic bastard hadn’t kept his hands to himself. The psychological scars were plain for me to see, even with my untrained eyes, and I had no idea how to proceed.

Would my touch echo his?

I sighed, making the executive decision to let Jamie’s needs guide my own, and turned my thoughts instead to my own physical state.

I hadn’t been with Jamie in eleven weeks and I’d be blatantly lying if I said I hadn’t kept track… or that I wasn’t self-conscious about my pregnant form. I was swollen and stretched to my breaking point, yet my hormones had me strung so high that I was ready to jump him at any and every possibility.

It wasn’t long before I reached my destination and was forced to face quite another reality.

Was I ready?

My hand hesitated on the knob, my lower lip tucking between my lips as I chastised myself.

Pull yourself together, Beauchamp.

I opened the door before I could think of a reason not to and stepped through. I found Jamie in my favorite chair before the fire, reading the book we’d found together.

His head lifted at my entrance and I found all of my doubts disappearing into thin air at his smile. It warmed me to my toes, setting the dull throb between my legs into fine frenzy as he set the book aside and rose to his feet.

He reached out his hand, taking mine as we met in the middle of the room and greeting me with a kiss that took the very breath from my lungs.

“Do you ken what I just reading about, mo chridhe?” Jamie purred, his lips hovering just above mine.

“What’s that?” I hedged, any coherent thought blissfully drowned out by his intoxicating presence.

“Your anatomy.”

“Mine specifically?” I found myself grinning like an idiot as I settled more comfortably in his arms, “Or female genitalia in general?”

“Genitalia,” he tested out the word, rolling it around in his mouth with great satisfaction for a moment before pronouncing, “You have verra fine genitalia, Sassenach.”

His hips shifted against mine and a shiver of anticipation ran down my spine, but still I found myself hesitant. I gave a wordless response, neither agreeing or disagreeing, and he caught this, intuitive as ever. His brow furrowed as he studied my face, moving his away as his head tipped to one side in contemplation.

“Do you think I’d find you anythin’ but beautiful, mo nighean donn?”

I shook my head slowly as one shoulder lifted in a feeble shrug, my gaze flicking away.

“Ach, mo gradhe,” he murmured, completely deflated.

My jaw clenched as tears burned at the back of my eyes and I slid them shut as his warm hand lifted to cup my cheek.

“You’ve taken such care of me,” his thumb gently wiped away my tears. “Will you let me care for you?”

I sighed, turning my face to place a kiss in his palm, but he stopped me, slipping his fingers beneath my chin and tipping it up.

“Claire,” he coaxed, kissing me gently.

His right hand lowered to the obvious presence between us, his good arm siding around my hips as he pulled me closer.

“Do you remember what I told you a’ the first?” he murmured. “When you were beginnin’ to show an’ worrit I wouldna find you attractive?”

I shook my head, but opened my eyes, unable to speak and yet needing to see my husband’s face. A warm smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, remembering back to those early days of my pregnancy. I was sicker than a dog, unable to keep much of anything down, but his care for me had been devoted and constant, never wavering.

“I said that I loved the glow you seemed to have about you… tha’ the more our children needed of you, the more beautiful you become.”

His eyes were bright, the faint sheen of his own tears making them sparkle in the low light.

“I thought I meant it then,” Jamie’s voice deepened into a sensual purr, his nose a breath away from mine, “but, now… a dhia, Sorcha, the very sight of them thrivin’ so within you…”

He kissed me then, long and hard, until we were both gasping for air, desperate for more of each other. His fingers clumsily tugged at the fastenings of my skirts, but effectively reached his goal, sending them into a heap at my feet. He paused for a moment, his hands trembling slightly as they lowered to frame the growing swell of our children.

I brought my own to rest atop his as I kissed him once more, moving his left hand to the place where they stirred within me, eagerly responding to their father’s greeting.

“They’re safe,” he murmured hoarsely, burying his face in my neck.

I nodded, slipping my arms around him, my fingers splaying wide across his back. I could feel the raised scars against my palms, stirring up memories of their infliction and the more recent injuries he’d experienced at the hand of the same sadistic madman.

“So are you,” I echoed.

Sliding my hands between us, I deftly unbuckled the belt around his waist, sending his kilt cascading down on top of the heap of my skirts before taking hold of great bunches of his shirt. I pushed the material up and he eagerly tugged it over his head, entirely willing to be the first to bare himself and stand naked in the middle of the room.

His eyes found mine after surfacing from the swath of fabric, deep pools of arousal echoing that of his firm stance below, and I quickly began to melt under his gaze. The warmth in my cheeks quickly began to spread as I loosened what constituted as my stays, my bodice gaping open. I moved to shrug it off, but he stopped me, his hands keeping my sleeves on my shoulders.

Jamie’s good hand slid between my shirtfront and thin shift, his palm savoring the fullness of my breast. The other soon joined it and his thumbs began to gently caress my sensitive nipples. They stood on end in an instant, but he kept up his coaxing repetition, making me squirm as I struggled to get closer to him, the bulk between us entirely getting in my way. He acquiesced with a smile and lowered his mouth to mine as he stripped me down to my final layer.

This done, he took my hand and led me towards the bed. My head spun with emotion and arousal, but, still, I stopped halfway there and dropped his hand. Jamie paused with me, concern growing between his brows as he tried to gauge my thoughts.

“Wait,” I murmured, biting my lip for a moment as I fought indecision, but then brought my hand to the drawstring at my neck. I quickly loosened it and let my shift slip off my shoulders, sliding it over my belly and decisively discarding it on the floor.

A low rumble of delight started at my husband’s toes and rose up the length of him, morphing into a growling moan as it hit the back of his throat. He had me in his arms again before I could register his movement, swiftly guiding me to sit on the edge of the bed and then lying against the pillows a moment later.

I blinked up at him in surprise — such activity usually requiring quite a bit more time and effort on my own — and let out a rather undignified giggle.

Jamie’s prideful smile hovered above me for only a moment before his mouth got down to business, finding my own again first off, then lowering to the base of my neck as he settled himself over me. I slipped my fingers into his curls, taking hold of a fistful and inhaling sharply as he once more found my sensitive breasts.

A low rumble of delight sounded from deep within him and I groaned, trying to pull his lips back up to mine. He only grinned, brushing a kiss across my sternum as he moved from one breast to the other.

This addressed, his hands drifted down to my belly and he took a moment to greet his children. His fingers skimmed across my skin as his lips placed a reverent kiss just above my navel, then traced a direct line to my pubic bone. He shifted then, leaving his good hand between my legs while returning his lips to mine.

“The wee book says ‘tis the clitoris tha’ gives you pleasure,” he purred. “Delight in copulation, I believe were his words.”

A wordless moan escaped my lips as he gave the area in question exquisite attention, my hips bucking as I demanded more of him.

“Tis true, then?” Jamie cheekily asked, knowing full well the answer. “Tha’s one thing Culpepper’s got right.”

“Damn the bloody book, Jamie!”

He kissed me once more before removing his hand and settled himself into position. I lifted my knees, gripping him tightly as my arms slipped around his neck. His brow pressed against mine and his eyes slid shut, his lips trembling slightly as he hesitated.

“Come find me,” I crooned softly. “Come find us.”

#outlander fanfic #Metamorphosis AU #convalescence pt 2

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thunder-the-ranger-wolf · 4 years ago

Text

Possible snippet from Brothers in Arms: The Iron Man Dilemma

Summary, One, Two, Three

Tony has never been so happy to see anyone else ever in his life. Rhodes was alive. The man didn’t die with the rest of those poor kids. As it turned out, neither did the driver of his vehicle. They weren’t the only survivors but they were the only ones he knew the names of. He resolved to learn the rest of their names when he got to wherever this godsforsaken helicopter was taking them. Didn’t these forsaken humans know that proper Wolves didn’t hunt in Thor’s territory?! He’d strike them all for being so foolish, even in the middle of the day!

Thor did not, in fact, strike them down. The sky didn’t even seem ready to, and honestly, Tony could howl for all he was worth when his paws met solid ground.

He’s almost sure that he did.

He knows for a fact that his blue-eyed gaze met Pepper’s green one and saw emptiness as she waited for the plane to empty.

“Where’s Tony?” She demanded sharply. “You brought back his dog. I didn’t even know he took Ace with him! Jesus Christ, you poor thing…” Pepper ran a hand of ragged nails through his fur as she parted it, likely checking for wounds.

“We’re still looking,” Rhodes insisted. “He’s out there. He escaped. The place he left behind is crawling with our forces and most of them are reporting dead men, melted metal, and half the mountain blown to pieces. It’s a lot to go through, Ms. Potts, but we’re going to find him.”

“Alright…” Pepper exhaled roughly, breath caught in her throat. “Good God, I can’t believe he took his dog… but okay. If he escaped… that’s good. It means he can be found. And people know where to look now. Okay… okay.”

The redhead was panicking, talking about press conferences, finding a will, and getting updates on the search. While Tony desperately wanted to shift back and talk some sense into her, he wasn’t sure if he could. He didn’t even remember shifting in the first place, but everything ached and he was exhausted and he really, really needed to go home and sleep. So he nudged Pepper’s hand and walked over Yinsen and Ramirez, grabbing the former’s arm and yanking him over to the latter before nudging them both towards where Rhodes and Pepper were standing.

“The dog…” Yinsen rasped. “He saved my life, just kept running like the fastest cattle herder I’ve ever seen.”

Tony deeply resented that remark but saw it for the compliment that it was and did not nip Yinsen like he wanted to. He did flash his teeth, though.

“Ace doesn’t like being compared to other dogs,” Pepper chuckled fondly. “Tony’s got this poor thing thinking he’s something special when really, he’s just big.”

Tony definitely resented that remark and knew it was not a compliment at all. He pushed his head upward so that Pepper’s hand almost smacked her face.

“Oh, you little shit!” She hissed playfully. “I know you know what you’re doing! Just for that, you’re not getting any treats today. I had a nice chunk of deer meat all ready but nope, it can wait.”

Tony did his best not to roll his eyes and gave his best puppy eyes instead.

“Whatever, you adorable giant of a dog. You’re so weird.” Pepper laughed quietly before standing to face the others.

“We should get you all settled somewhere, likely a hotel to start with.”

And Pepper was off, making plans and being the most competent and put-together assistant Tony has ever had the pleasure of working with. She was handling this surprisingly well since she had no idea that Tony was in fact his own dog and that said dog was actually a wolf. Tony knew there was no further point in hiding it once he managed to shift back. Especially not with this… new contraption in his chest. Loki must have begged Thor for strength and extended his abilities because this was the only way Tony could possibly be alive right now. He wouldn’t question it until he had the strength to change back. So… what felt like another week or so. Loki might have to tap in his nephew, Baldr, to lend Tony patience instead.

The weeks go by slowly. Day by day, Tony feels less like he’s been blessed by Loki and more like the animal form he’s been blessed with. He wants to rip Obadiah’s throat open and scatter his entrails. He wants to get his jaws around every scrap of metal with the logo of Stark Industries on it and feel it crushed between his jaws. He wants a full list of every person who ever came into contact with whatever dirty operation that Stane is running so he and watch them cower under his claws and shit themselves when they see his teeth. He wants to go through Howard’s precious company one by one, each forsaken building of people that belong to the Stark name, and howl at them all until he gets a full picture of just what the fuck is going on and how deep it goes.

Sometimes, he just wants to rip into that deer chunk Pepper was talking about and gnaw the bones down until they were as thin and perhaps as sharp as his claws. Sometimes, he wishes he could talk to people in this form. Sometimes, he wishes the world would go away. That he’d been left at the gates of Hel like the Norns intended the first time around. What was the point of Yinsen saving his life if he couldn’t do anything about it?!

“You’re going to rip up the carpet, pacing like that.” Pepper sighed from behind her computer. “Look, c’mere. I know you miss Tony. I miss him too. It fucking sucks that he’s still out there, but he’s going to come back and when he does, he’ll be ready to hug your fur off and give you belly rubs and pamper you within an inch of your life.”

Tony very much does not think about Pepper being the one in need of pampering. His poor personal assistant had so much shit to slog through on a daily basis that, as the days went by, got worse and worse. SHIELD sent an agent to debrief Yinsen while Ramirez was taken back by her own people and Tony lost track of what happened there. He hoped Rhodes was able to keep up with her. At the very least, he was glad she wasn’t forced to endure the hospitality of the Ten Rings. At most, he wanted to take Rhodes, Yinsen, and Ramirez, and bundle them into blankets on the softest couch he owned before he sat on them all. He was sure they would make great pillows as they themselves got however much sleep a normal human needed. He could be considered coherent after half an hour and a shitton of coffee, but he’d also pulled his fair share of all-nighters over the many, many, many years.

(Good gods, why has it been so long?)

Pepper made a very good pillow. She was very soft.

“Are you drooling on me, Ace?” Pepper asked as she scratched between his ears. “Of course you are. You’re a dog.”

Tony tilted his head the other way and let his tongue loll. It was fun to watch her react to what she thought she knew, but Pepper Potts was far from stupid. He let his head rest on her ap and she kept scratching between his ears. If he closed his eyes, he could almost remember the last redhead to do that.

Tony changed back on a Monday night when the moon is full, two months after he returns from Afghanistan with the others. That makes it five months since his original capture. He’s missed a lot of things he knows he didn’t want to, among them Pepper’s birthday and the MIT commencement speech. He startled awake in the middle of the night to a bare chest and grey sweatpants, cropped hair, and nothing resembling the goatee people expected of him. Good. No one would recognize him if he were to go for a walk. As it were, he was too tired to do that so he rolled over and went back to sleep.

The next time he woke up, it was to someone’s scream.

“What-? Where-? What the fuck, Potts?!” He panted, scared shitless by his assistant’s startled screech.

“When did you get here?! How did you get here? Did JARVIS see you? Why didn’t you wake me? Ace should have barked… where is that dog of yours anyway?”

“You probably scared him off with that screech of yours, Potts. Goodness, that was the loudest thing I’ve heard in two months.”

“What… Tony, what is that?”

“You’re going to want to sit down for this. And let me get dressed, at least-.”

“Don’t bother, I’ve already seen it.” Pepper snapped, tone as cold as her eyes as they pinned him to his spot on the bed. “What is it?”

“I miniaturized the arc reactor technology used to power some of the SI buildings and put it in my chest.”

Pepper shivered at that and when she spoke next, her voice cracked.

“Why?” She demanded.

“It’s an electromagnet. It’s keeping shrapnel from puncturing my heart. Did Yinsen get to you? He should be able to explain more.”

“What… goodness. This is…”

“Feel free to take a seat,” Tony offered. At Pepper’s incredulous look, he rolled his eyes. “I’m not exactly in a position to take advantage of you.” He drawled.

“That’s hardly my biggest issue.” The redhead scowled, walking over to the bed and sitting on the side where Tony was now sitting upright.

She stared at the bright blue light and then caught Tony’s wary gaze.

“You should get that looked at.” She said after a few moments of staring. Without warning, Pepper launched herself forward and wrapped her arms around her boss’ neck. Her forehead met his shoulder and he went extremely still as she sobbed on his shoulder.

“Clearly I was missed,” He deadpanned after a few uncomfortable minutes.

“You… it’s been five months. We didn’t know where you were or what happened! No one could track you-.”

Pepper cut herself off as Tony stiffened underneath her and she watched his eyes harden.

“Sorry,” She said immediately. “I guess this is awkward, I-.”

“It’s not you,” Tony assured her. “I just… you saying that reminded me of something. Something I need to do later.”

“What needs to happen, Tony?” Pepper asked quietly.

“Plenty, but nothing that you can help with right now.”

“Alright. At the very least, I can make sure your schedule is clear for the next few months.” Pepper said, getting up and starting for the door.

“Thank you,” Tony exhaled roughly. “Help yourself to anything that isn’t gross and moldy by now and order whatever you want.”

“Thanks,” came Pepper’s strained response.

#brothers in arms: the werewolf avengers fic #mcu au #thunder attempts to write

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spiltscribbles · 5 years ago

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Hamilton Friends AU | The One With The Engagement

Notes: Okay so this is so late, I beam the craziness f this summer. But a huge Thank you to the ever lovely @aswithasunbeamwho prompted me this perfect Friends episode to write in a Hamilton AU. You’re an amazing soul and I hope you enjoy<3<3

“Your face looks weird.”

“Rude.”

“Just an observation,” Angelica, as appraising and blunt as ever, chides at Alexander with a probing finger to his cheek. In turn alexander just scowls her way and sticks out his tongue for good measure.

“She is correct my friend,” Lafayette, currently trying to balance a fifth book on his head after proclaiming that yes, in fact he is as graceful as any of those fucking Disney princesses, tacks on. “As if your face has gone all goopy permanently.”

“It’s like you’re staring at Eliza even though she’s not here,” Hercules clarifies with a shrug.

“You’re all awful people and I don’t know why I’ve ever agreed to be your friend.” Alexander huffs.

“We’ve gone and made him all sour,” Peggy snorts and Laurens begins to mimic his peeved off expression in-between his own cackles.

“Awful!” Alexander reiterates. “Awful, awful people.”

“Answer the question at hand loser,” Peggy charges on, standing up from the sofa and swinging her weight to her left hip, defiant. “Why do you look so eerily unbothered, so, un-Hamilton like. For Pete’s sake even when you’re happy you look like there’s a hundred different things that are annoying the fuck outta you.”

“Harsh.”

“Accurate.”

“Fine,” Alexander twists his lips in annoyance of getting caught out. “If I tell you lot you better swear on everything you own that you won’t breathe a word.”

“Mysterious,” Laurens leers.

“It is Burr, he has died a most awful death! This is the source of your happiness, no?” Lafayette accuses.

“Ah, erm…. Not quite yet?”

“Well get on with it then,” Angelica scolds with no real heat. “Some of us have actual lives to get too.”

“”Drag race is on tonight and me and Ange have got a bet going.” Peggy explains.

“Which I will win,” Angelica sniffs.

“Fine, fine,” Alexander harrumphs, long acquainted with the larger than life personalities of all the Schuyler sisters, his heart contracting and stomach swooping once thinking of one in particular. Of her long, dark hair, and impossibly bright eyes, and the way her smile makes it feel like Alexander’s floating in midair.

Eliza.

She’s quite literally the most beautiful, brilliant, strong willed and even stronger hearted woman he’s ever known. She’s everything Alexander wishes he was and nothing but wonderful. He knows that, is positive, even if he concedes that she in fact is not an angel sent from the heavens above. Eliza’s not perfect just because Alexander swears she is. He knows that she is a bit of a clean freak, that she can get neurotic if plans aren’t followed through exactly as she had laid out. He knows that she was brought up oblivious to her insane level of wealth and that sometimes it takes full blown arguments for her to speak her mind instead of trying to spare him or anyone else of their feelings. Alexander knows all these small quirks and he doesn’t care because they only make him love her all the more. He loves Eliza more than the sun and stars and all the galaxies above combined, he loves her so much that somedays Alexander thinks his chest might crack with it.

But it never does, and she’s always there, and what they have is everything Alexander has ever wanted, and Eliza is someone who he never thought he could have. All this to say that he has absolutely no doubts in his mind when he pulls out the small velvet box from his trouser’s pocket and opens it to reveal the sparkling engagement ring he’s spent months saving up for.

“wholly fuck,” Peggy balks, scurrying closer to snatch it out of Alexander’s grasp, Angelica right on her coattails.

“No way!” Laurens crowed the same time Lafayette let out a strange, indecipherable squeal that Alexander is almost positive was only partially in French, partially in English and then a hodgepodge of other languages he’s never even heard before— all the books cascading down to the wooden floors in a crescendo of thuds.

For his part, Hercules just begins to tear up with a stiff lip and quivering hands. “Get the hell outta here.”

“You guys don’t like it,” Alexander asks with a shit eating grin.

“Don’t be cheeky dork,” Angelica reproves, never taking her eyes off the ring, swatting at Peggy to give her a chance to hold it.

“Don’t speak that way to your future brother-in-law,” Laurens snickers, claps Alexander on the back with an encouraging hug. “I’m so proud of you Ham, you’ve finally found the one.”

Alexander gives his oldest friend— the man he once thought would’ve been his forever if they hadn’t had such contradictory views on what that meant— a watery smile. “thank you Laurens, but don’t get too excited, Betsey’s still gotta say yes.”

“She’s crazy about you,” Peggy says airily, waving off his worries with a lazy hand. “Of course she’s gonna say yes.”

Alexander bites down on a smile, casts his gaze to the floor so to hide his reddening cheeks. He’s still in such disbelief that this is his life. He’s got the world’s greatest friends, an amazing job that he actually enjoys, and now he might actually get to keep the dream girl. So far away from the lonesome days and hard nights of St Croix. Far away from dying mothers and flighty fathers and cruel brothers who never bothered to keep in touch. This, right here, these people, Eliza, the Washingtons, hell even Burr on a good day… They’re his family, the people he’d die for and who he’s sure would die for him too. What a strange feeling that is, to love and be loved. How strange it is that he gets to keep this sense of belonging, of balance.

“God, now enough with the sappiness,” Peggy gripes. “I can see it on your face Hamilton, and just because you’re technically my brother now doesn’t mean I won’t beat your ass if I feel like it.”

“Charming,” Alexander deadpans.

“I thought so,” Peggy says with a magnanimous grin.

“So what’s the plan? How are you gonna pop the question?” Hercules interjects from where he’s now examining the rose gold band and round cut diamond accented with sapphires.

“I was planning to take her to that really posh French restaurant near fifth avenue that Laf showed us. Bets loves hearing me speak French,” he explains with a wink.

“My people’s language does arouse a certain, how do you say, sultry emotion.” Lafayette leers.

“For the love of God stop talking about having sex with my baby sister.”

“Right, ahem.” Alexander concedes. “Well after that I was gonna order us a bottle of her favorite, ridiculously priced champaign.”

“We use to drink it when we’d summer in our villa in the South of France,” Peggy explains, totally impervious to how fantastical that sounds to Alexander.

“Friends with too many rich people,” Hercules mutters morosely, handing the ring off to Lafayette, face scrunched up in displeasure all the while.

“Do not hate us for our good fortunes mon grand,” Lafayette sniffs. “Especially now that Alexander is considered part of our lot after he and Eliza’s inevitable union. One that is written in the stars mind you.”

“What’s written in the stars?”

Alexander’s heart stutters to a rapid staccato just as soon as he sees the door to the apartment swing open, revealing a disheveled, but radiant Eliza strolling through, one perfectly manicured brow kinked.

Before Alexander can take a breath, Lafayette impulsively stuck the ring— the symbol of his undying love and eternal devotion to Eliza— into his fucking French, snail eating mouth.

“Gross,” he hisses, to which Lafayette just tossed him the bird.

“Ah, the fact that Thundermist is totally beating Vivian October tonight,” Peggy blurts out in a totally high pitched voice. Jesus fucking Christ half of them work in politics and the other half are lawyers, save for Hercules whom’s perfectly content as the head of Ralph Lauren merchandize. But still, Alexander expected that they’d all be better at lying than this pathetic display!

He’s subsequently shown up the moment Eliza flickers her gaze towards him, a knowing smile blooming across her face that makes Alexander’s heart ache with want. He supposes it’s more the person who they’re all lying to rather than the act itself.

“You and Ange need to stop making everything a competition love, it’s teetering on ridiculous.” She toots, tosses her and Alexander’s mail to the counter before excepting the peck he can’t help but offer her.

“You know how daddy is with his horses,” Angelica argues. “It’s in our blood.”

That just makes Eliza role her eyes, totally fond, before she excuses herself to change out of her pencil skirt and red bottom heals.

“Hey is there paint on your top?” Laurens asks, brows furrowed.

“Oh yeah,” Eliza blushes. “The kids had arts and crafts today at the orphanage and wanted me to help out so I just set all the paperwork to be done tomorrow instead.”

“THat’s my top!” Angelica squawks, affronted.

“It’ll come out,” Eliza shoos her off with a lofty tip to her head.

Once she’s shut the door on her to change, Alexander cuffs Lafayette on the back, hard.

“This is the love you show me after I successfully kept your little romantic gesture a secret,” he harrumphs.

“Now I’ve got your French cooties all over it!” Alexander hisses.

“Many a men and women would have died to get my delightful French saliva within a ten mile radius of them.”

“We really need to talk about your ego one of these days,” Peggy snorts.

“I have Adrien as my wife and you lot are blunders in love, I shall not permit any judgment from any of you.”

“Hey, I’ll be joining you in that marital bliss soon enough,” Alexander contends, totally giddy smile curling at the corners of his mouth.

“Gross,” the remainder chorus in varying degrees of exasperation, dosed in pride.

Alexander’s really never had the best luck, most especially when it was the romantic sort. Before Eliza he’s never had a relationship that lasted over six consecutive months, or one that he didn’t constantly feel as if he had to garnish a facade of brilliance and magnetism that he’s never truly felt he had any right to own. Before Eliza Alexander never was able to picture himself settling into the domestic sphere quite so willingly. Never thought he would’ve yearned for quiet Sunday mornings in bed where Eliza’s head was propped up on his chest, and the early morning light would cascade atop her cheekbones and lips and glimmer in her hair. Those mornings where all Alexander could focus on was counting the quiet breaths she would let out and plotting out all the ways he could always make her look so at peace and lovely. Alexander never thought he would ever want the house in the suburbs with a large yard and rose gardens and everything his mother had tried to give him when she was still here. Alexander never had wanted it until Eliza came and he realized he could have it with her.

He remembers one particularly pitiful night towards the end of L2 when he had just cut ties with Cornelia Lotts because he had woken up that morning and had just not found her as interesting as the night before, which obviously meant he had drunken himself silly at some sleazy bar and tried picking up someone knew, just for the fun of it. Instead he was met by Angelica’s expectant, irritated glower once he was three drinks in, telling him on no uncertain terms that the reason his love life sucked so hard is because he always went for the obscenely wealthy and tragically pretty folks that always infested ivy league institutions. The same folks with too large egos and too little self worth to ever consider having an actual relationship with someone outside of their social circle— A circle that the Schuyler family were the crown jewels of is what Angelica didn’t have to say but Alexander heard in screaming clarity all the same.

“Fuck you.”

“You wish loser.”

That was when she tugged him by the ear to get out of the city with her for the long weekend to clear his head. When he slept in her family’s country home upstate. When he had stumbled downstairs in the middle of the night to be face to face—for the first time— with the sister he’s seen millions of pictures of and heard even more stories about by a beaming Angelica. The one who had just spent the year after graduating Yale in the peace corps. That was when Alexander’s heart had first swelled and he was a goner.

“Eliza.”

“Yes love,” Eliza smiles up at him through her lashes now, so many years detached from their first meeting. Years composed of unrequited crushes and tentative laughs that morphed into a strong friendship and shy words of sincerity. Eventually leading them to first kisses and first nights and all the in-betweens Alexander’s never gone through with any other relationship. Nothing else felt as vital, as permanent, as the one he shares with Eliza. Nothing else felt like it deserved his efforts in quite the same ways that he’s always known Eliza has. Nothing else has made him experience this distinct sort of want.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” she giggles, mouth partially hidden from the lip of the flute of champaign she’s nursing. “Is everything alright deer? You look a little pale.”

Alexander’s throat closes up and he rinses his hands with anticipation.

“Yeah, yes. Everything’s Perfect Bets, it’s been perfect for a while now… Honestly ever since you agreed to actually go out with me. You. You make things perfect.”

Eliza doesn’t answer him in so many words, just cups her hands around hiss face and kisses him nice and thorough. Alexander wonders if how she makes everything inside of him go golden with every press to the lips will ever fade.

He seriously doubts it.

“Now, let me get this out, okay?” Alexander begs, squeezing her hands with his own and kissing the tops of each of her fingers gingerly.

“Oh, Andre.”

Alexander’s heart stills and the breath from his lungs escapes— It feels like something awful and freezing has just clutched his heart and rinsed it dry.

“No, Alex—- I’m Alex.”

That only makes Eliza role her eyes at him before nudging her head to where a ridiculously handsome, obviously well off man stands.

“Oh, yes…. erm that is Andre.”

“Maybe he won’t see us,” Eliza offers before he’s lead directly to the recently vacated spot besides them by a completely oblivious host.

“Maybe he’s blind now?” Alexander says hopefully.

“Lizzy Schuyler is that you?”

Alexander curses every ounce of bad luck he’s somehow accumulated before standing up to exchange awkward pleasantries and spending the remainder of the night refraining himself from knocking Andre/s lights out every time he stares a tad bit too longingly towards Eliza for his liking.

The pampered bastard.

Still inwardly fuming while drinking his morning coffee, Alexander was accosted by someone cuffing him on the back of the head, hard.

He isn’t surprised to turn around and Find a surly looking Angelica glaring at him, hands on her hips and mouth curled in a distinctly predatory fashion.

“What happened last night Hamilton?”

“How do you know something happened?”

“Well when I gushed to look at Liza’s hand this morning, instead of a rock on her finger she just looked at me like I was insane! I had to pretend I wanted to read her palm.”

“So confirming the insanity suspicion then?” He asks owlishly.

“Hamilton!” She says in a hiss.

“I couldn’t do it, okay.” Alexander snaps back, waspish.

“You chickened out,” Angelica accuses, depositing herself on the sofa besides him in the small cafe and snatching the muffin from his hand.

“No.”

“Then what? You changed your mind? My baby sister not good enough for you?” She needles, prickly as he’s ever seen her.

“Don’t be ridiculous Anne.”

“Then wh—“

“Andre showed up,” he blurts with absolutely no tact.

“No fucking way,” Angelica gapes, dropping the aforementioned muffin.

“I’m cursed aren’t I?”

“Kinda,” Angelica consoles with a pout, cradling his head on her shoulder.

“Ah oh, not a good sign.” Hercules observes once taking a seat with his own latte.

“Hamilton’s cursed,” Angelica informs him, matter-of-fact.

“Why this time?”

“Because Eliza’s fucking perfect ex-fiancé somehow showed up last night with his own date and sat there besides us looking all handsome and waxing all poetic and reminiscing about how he and Eliza were caught fucking in her childhood bedroom her sophomore year of college and making her laugh and I couldn’t get a damn word in edgewise!”

“Oh not the thanksgiving story,” Angelica winces.

“So I reckon you didn’t propose?”

“I was gonna do it tonight instead, but thanks to Mis babble mouth over here,” he elbow checks Angelica. “Eliza most definitely suspects something is up now.”

“Hey! It’s not my fault that you apparently committed some sort of horrendous crime in a past life.”

“Who asks to look at someone’s hands!” Alexander hurls.

“People who think their sister was just proposed to!” Angelica defends.

“It’s fine you guys, we’ve just gotta throw her off the trail a little. Make her think marriage’s the furthest thing from your mind.” Hercules placates.

“Yeah, yeah Herc, you’re right.” Alexander nods, is thrown to alert the moment the cafe’s bells chime— indicating a new customer— and it’s Eliza’s soft timbre that rings in his ears.

“I swear, I don’t care what Laf says, French people are total weirdos.” She sheds off her jacket and assumes the seat in Alexander’s all too willing lap. “I walk into his place to pick up some papers I left there and the first thing he wants to see is my hand to see if it’s proportionate to his.” With a huff, she grabs the coffee mug from Alexander, face scrunching up adorably at the excessive amount of sugar he always mixes in. Totally oblivious to how his heart is pulsing and his face is infused a bright red.

“Oh— Hah, how weird,” Angelica titters awkwardly.

“Why do you sound so strange Ange?”

“No she doesn’t,” Alexander quickly pipes in.

“Yes…. She does.” Her brows furrow, the smallest dent between her eyes telling Alexander that she’s suspecting something. “What’s going on?”

“We were just reading this article in the New Yorker is all,” Hercules explains, saving all their asses. “It’s making her worry about her relationship with Mr Big.”

“His name’s Church, stop comparing our lives to Sex In The City characters,” Angelica admonishes with no heat.

“Whatever Miranda.”

“So what’s this article that’s got you all frazzled Angelica?” Eliza asks worriedly.

“It’s about marriage,” Alexander answers instead, seeing his opportunity and plunging for it.

“Marriage?”

“Yeah, just about how it’s a total scam. I mean think about it Bets, legally timing yourself to another person? Doesn’t that sound Orwellian to you? A ploy by the government just to get our money and to keep us in check if you ask me.”

Eliza’s frown somehow, impossibly, sinks deeper.

“That’s not what you think Alex, is it?”

“I mean, ah yeah—“ His voice most certainly does not screech like he was a character from Saved By The Bell. “I mean you know me Eliza. I mean marriage didn’t keep my dad around for my mom.”

He can’t believe he just used that card on her. He totally deserves to go to hell for that one.

“It doesn’t always have to end up like that hon.” She cards a hand through his hair, kisses his cheek gingerly. And yeah, eternal damnation here Alexander comes.

“Eliza like 60% of all marriages now days ends in divorce,” Angelica contends. “Can you even name a couple that hasn’t been separated at least once.”

“Our parents,” she sniffs.

“But is it worth taking that chance,” Alexander says, reminds himself of how happy she’ll be tonight after he pops the question, when Eliza shakes off the hand that’s trying to lace their fingers together.

“Yeah, Yeah Alex I do think it’s worth that chance! And you know I do!” She starts to get up now, properly mad. “I mean don’t you guys want to promise yourself to the person you love in front of all your nearest and dearest. Be bound to someone so intimately and permanently. To get to show off your love to the world to see!”

“Sounds kinda selfish to me,” Alexander counters and Hercules and Angelica mumble their agreements.

“Okay,I’m running late for work.” In a cloud of carefully concealed fury, found in the pinch of her shoulders and downturn of her lips, Eliza collects her bag and jacket before storming out. A quiet fury in total opposition to her sisters’ brash words and ear shattering shouts.

Alexander yet again reminds himself of her beaming face when she doesn’t dip down to give him the customary kiss goodbye.

“This’s gonna workout just fine.”

#Hamilton #Hamliza #Eliza Schuyler Hamilton #Alexander Hamilton #Spilled Ink #Friends Meme #aswithasunbeam #SPILT ink #friends AU

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eye-raq · 5 years ago

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Lethal Lust. Chapter Two: Truth Be Told

Hey Peeps!!!! so, this next part is basically another introduction into a character in this series. I write as it comes to me so I hope everything is flowing pretty nicely. Thanks to everyone who enjoys reading this.

Warnings: Angst. Mentions of Smut.

Chapter two: Truth Be Told.

2006:

Truth be told, Janelle Morris didn’t know a fraction of what her adopted brother was getting himself into…

It’s okay, it’s okay, hold still, we’re gonna get you through this, shh shh you’re fine, you’re okay, just hold still and we’ll get you out.”

His eyes were bloodshot, tears brimming and almost toppled over.

“Just focus, okay? Focus on my voice, you’re fine, you’re safe, ignore the medics, stay with me, focus on me.”

Her voice was like a hush in the dark.

“I-I-I...get me the fuck out of here,” He practically begged her.

“I can’t do that, Erik. You need to get better,” Janelle was shoved out of the way unknowingly by a nurse who tried to apply pressure to his bleeding wounds.

He began to gasp, clenching his fists. The more air he took in the more his lungs burned. His mind told him to clutch his gunshot wound to stop the blood from flowing, but that would be too painful. All he could see were lights passing overhead, and faded voices calling out orders to keep him stable.

This wasn’t what he expected at all. How did he get himself down like this? All that rage and it felt like it was for nothing.

“Am I dying? If so I’m okay with that.” When he swallowed, it felt like he was swallowing glass.

“Erik. You’re not going to die. I won’t let you. FUCK THAT,” he could feel her small delicate hand grip his.

“PULL HIM UP AND OVER! On the count of three... one, two, THREE!”

“AHHHHH!” His piercing scream caused her to squeeze the life out of his hand, almost cutting off his blood supply.

“AHHHHHH!!!!! FUCK!!” He looked as if he wanted to kill everyone that was touching him.

“Why did you bring me here, Janelle?!” His teeth were exposed as if threatening her.

“You’re my brother, Erik, and I wasn’t going to watch you possibly die!” Janelle released his hand, a few EMT workers rushing past her. Janelle shook her head at her brother, intense emotions flashing across her face like a picture book.

“You’re not my real sister. You don’t have to worry about me like you do.”

“Don’t say shit like that! Don’t…” Janelle trailed off as her chest burned from his scornful words.

“Shit like what?! I don’t need for you to get hurt too! Harrison would never fucking forgive me.”

It’s okay, Nelle, he’s just saying that because he’s upset. Erik loves you. He conscience mind was trying to reason with her.

“SIR! Can you tell us where you were when this happened?!” The woman police officer boomed in his ear causing it to ring.

“WHY ARE YOU ASKING HIM QUESTIONS RIGHT NOW?” Janelle was ready to risk it all, approaching the police officers with stomping feet. The male officer became a barrier between the lady cop and Janelle, her eyes seething.

“Attack me and you go to jail.” She looked like she held some type of power over Janelle. She didn’t care about that badge.

“CAN WE GET SOME CLEAR SPACE! everyone please! we need cooperation here.” The Doctor yelled at the top of his lungs, temporarily bringing everyone’s attention to the task at hand. The two officers exited the room, talking with angry whispers.

“We’ve got a gunshot wound to the ribs, left hand, and proximal femur. It was a through and through,” The male nurse present made a report of Erik’s condition alongside the doctor who took a pair of medical scissors to cut Erik’s black T-shirt down the middle. His entire torso was exposed along with some of the scars that Janelle always wondered about. With folded arms she stood in a corner, lip quivering and tears staining her cheeks.

“Where is the blood?! I need blood!!! The ED Doctor threw up his bloody glove-covered hands in frustration, applying as much pressure to Erik’s wounds as possible.

“He has a hemorrhagic shock. We need the transfusion protocol up and running. What is his blood type?”

“You didn’t test his blood, Regina? you're a nurse for christ sake! do your job!”

The nurse by the name of Regina looked shook from being yelled at, brow sweating as she looked around her to find out if someone tested his blood.

“A-NEGATIVE!” A phlebotomist enters with the results in hand, a nurse following closely behind with the transfusion bags. Everyone worked together effectively to help Erik. Janelle bit down on her thumbnail, leg jumping with anticipation. If Erik died, she didn’t know how she would get through it. Her father’s death was already a stab to the heart already. It had been about two months since his passing but it felt like yesterday. She remembers screaming in her college dorm when she had received the call. Her roommate, Sonya, shot up out of her bed, running to Janelle’s door, banging hard like the police. Erik had been MIA, away at college himself in Maryland.

Two Months Ago:

“Mara? where is Erik!” Janelle tossed her luggage when she made it to her aunt’s place, her family crowded around in mournful silence.

“You're worried about Erik right now?” Her aunt looked at her with hurt eyes. The sight seemed to travel like a tidal wave over everyone else’s faces as well.

“Yes! I need my brother right now,” Janelle tried calling Erik for the 50th time, the phone ringing twice before going straight to voicemail. She felt defeated. Janelle looked around the room at the family who hardly came around. It’s crazy how death brings people together. She remembers her older cousins talking about how her father ran her mother away, how he works too much and ignores his daughter. So fake. Erik was the most real. The one she needed at this moment.

God must have heard her cry because Erik walked through that door with a rage so powerful it caused her uncles and male cousins to lift from their seat as if they were ready to attack him. Erik acted as if the room was empty except for Nelle, walking up to her, hugging her reassuringly. The once emotionless Erik who’d rather be a loner comforted her. His hug was tight and understanding, the tears falling even harder. Erik was the only one who understood what it felt like to have a parent killed.

“Don’t worry Nelle, I’ll handle this,” Erik whispered closely to her before planting a kiss to her forehead. All of this shocked Janelle completely. Erik never showed her this much affection.

“Handle it?” She blinked through her tears up at him, eyebrows scrunched, silently asking him to clarify what he meant by those electrifying words.

“Shh, calm down, it’s okay, I’m here now.”

-------

“SIR?! Can you tell us what happened to you? Were you targeted? Was this a crossfire? We need to know,” she was clearly frustrated with Erik’s lack of cooperation. All he did was focus on the ugly hospital lights within that trauma room, face blank and emotionless. Janelle hadn’t even realized they came back into the trauma unit to question him yet again.

Erik looked at her menacingly, Fists clenched and the doctors looking as if they were ready to restrain him.

“Sir?” The officer waved away a nurse who tried to approach Erik, Janelle, ready to step forward again. This bitch lost her mind trying to squeeze information out of Erik. It’s not like it was his fault.

Janelle paused in thought.

what if it was?

Erik was definitely a version of Donnie Darko in his teenage years but would he actually be involved? would he kill someone? Janelle’s moment of inward clarity snapped like a twig from Erik’s booming voice bouncing off of the walls outrageously.

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE!!!!” Spit flew, eyes wide, and cold. Erik’s head fell back from weakness, his space even more crowded, almost smothering him. She could see the beginnings of a panic attack brewing, his eyes swimming with unwanted tears and veins pulsating like they were ready to combust. Erik’s heart rate began to spike, worry, and determination set on everyone’s faces. Janelle could pull her hair out from the disturbing and painful scene breaking her heart into literal pieces.

Turning to her partner, the officer whispered closely, grabbing his forearm to walk away so that he could be tended to properly. Almost to the exit of the room, the officer caught Janelle’s eye, stopping. Janelle knew where this was going. With burning eyes, Janelle waited for the officer to speak.

“What relation are you to the victim?”

“I’m his sister,” Janelle looked over at Erik then, his cold words forcing her to cry again. How could he say that to her? Yeah, they weren’t blood siblings but Erik was the closest thing to a brother than her own Godbrother. She cared for him no matter how broken he was.

“Do you have any idea what happened? A hunch about who could have attempted to take his life? Anything?”

“No. And if I did I would tell you,”

Janelle tried to scrape away the blood under her fingernails, failing miserably.

“We need you to come down to the station with us. We have some questions for you..”

“FOR WHAT?” Shoulders slumped, Janelle’s aggravated expression frustrated the woman officer to the fullest degree.

“You may be a witness to this, and for your brother's sake, we need to know who would do this to him,” the officer folds her arms over her chest authoritatively, walking closer to Janelle with stern eyes.

“He’s just a fucking kid, only a kid…” Janelle wasn’t much younger than Erik, only by a year but at this moment she felt like a mother figure.

“While you're here questioning me about what happened to my brother, you could be trying to figure out what happened to my father. He was murdered and you STILL didn’t catch his killer?!”

“PLEASE! Can you give us some space,” the doctor barked out, adjusting blood bags on an IV pole to supply for Erik.

“That has nothing to do with this..”

“Un-FUCKING believable,” Janelle scratched her brow, hands shaking from how ballistic she felt.

“It has EVERYTHING to do with this…” Janelle snapped her mouth shut, afraid now that she said too much.

With doubtful eyes, the woman officer gave her partner a knowing look before grabbing her walkie-talkie from her hip.

“Everything is good, we will bring her in for questioning,” during the entire exchange, Janelle avoided her eyes, hoping to catch Erik’s. He still had his eyes planted to the ceiling lights, probably burning from not blinking. What was running through his mind? She wanted to pull him apart to study every detail from start to finish.

—————

July 30th, 1996: Coconut Grove, Miami, Florida

“Janelle, baby,”

Janelle Morris releases her black Barbie doll from her tiny grip, turning on her bed to spot her father in the doorway of her bedroom. He held a soft smile on his face, eyes sincere.

“DAD!” She rushed to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Janelle fought the tears that wanted to fall. She hadn’t seen her father in days.

“Where were you?! Me and auntie Mara were worried,” she pouted, hazel eyes streaming with tears.

“I’m sorry, little one. Daddy had to take care of something important. You know how important my job is.”

Even though Janelle was just nine years old, she understood. Even understanding couldn’t stop her from waiting up all hours of the night for her father to come home. Today, she was at the park with a few of her friends sharing the monkey bars. Janelle could feel the eyes of jealous little girls on her as she skillfully crossed those monkey bars, even for how short she was.

“She thinks she’s sooooo good,” Nattie, a little white girl with natural blonde hair and dark green eyes glared at Janelle.

“She’s nothing but a show-off!” Nattie’s group of friends agreed like she owned them. A little girl with that much power…

“I’ll show her...I’ll show her I’m better than her!”

Janelle wasn’t aware of what was going to happen to her. She just kept crossing those bars, a wide smile on her face and triumph in her eyes. Janelle was almost to the other side when Nattie grabbed her ankles, yanking her down forcefully. Janelle fell to her knees, screaming in pain. Falling to her back, Janelle could see blood and ugly scars on both of her tiny kneecaps.

“Janelle, Janelle, ugly Janelle!” Nattie sung out loud, face red and eyes hard. Her followers laughed and pointed at Janelle, even a girl Janelle thought to be her friend.

Her tears streamed down her face, glaring at the group of girls with vengeance.

“What are you gonna do?! You're so weak and ugly! Ugly hair, ugly face! It’s us against you! Hahahaha!!!”

She felt caved in like a circle formed around her with pointed fingers and ugly laughs. Those little girls were like little devils. Janelle scanned every one of their faces, imprinting them within her memory. Janelle’s light brown eyes fell on her supposed friend, Shawna, betrayal etched on her tiny face.

“That’ll teach you! I’m better than you! Prettier than you! You’re ugly and black! HahahaHA!”

“Shut up, Nattie,” Shawna spoke up, offended as well.

“Who asked you?!! You want to be where she is too?!!”

Shawna cowards in fear, ashamed to meet Janelle’s eyes.

“Didn’t think so!” Nattie looked down at Janelle, smiling with her snagged toothed grin.

“Watch your back, ugly!”

Janelle cried even harder then ...if only her Dad was there...

“Janelle, I want you to meet someone,” Harrison grabs Janelle’s left hand, bringing her into the living room where her aunt resides. As soon as she entered the circular room her hazel eyes fell upon a boy sitting at the farthest end of the couch with his head bowed and fingers twiddling.

“Nelle, this is Erik. He’ll be staying with us now. That’s what papas been up to, I’ve been working extra hard to provide a home for him.”

“A home?” Janelle looked from her aunt's concerned face to her father. This was all confusing.

“Why? Doesn’t he have a home?”

“...I’ll explain it to you soon. For now, I just wanted to introduce you to him.”

Janelle timidly held onto her father's arm, studying Erik closely. He wasn’t much older than her, sadness in his youthful face, shoulders slumped like he’d been defeated more than twice for his young age, and evidence of drying tears on his chubby cheeks. Janelle has a heart of gold. She wanted to run up to Erik and tell him everything would be okay, ask if he wanted to watch cartoons or play a video game. Although all of that seemed promising, Janelle could feel a different type of aura surrounding Erik like a force field.

“Harrison, can we talk?” Auntie Mara spoke softly as not to startle Erik. This was a new environment for him.

“... right now?” Harrison kept his eyes on Erik, heaving a sigh that sounded mournful.

“Yes, now.” Auntie Mara lifts from the black suede recliner, flicking on the side lamp that occupied the small reading area. Harrison looked from Erik to Janelle before nodding his head in silent agreement, bending down to speak to Janelle.

“Would you like to sit with Erik to keep him company?”

Harrison squeezes Janelle’s shoulder reassuringly, an encouraging smile on his face that felt forced.

“He’s a bit on the quiet side but I think he wouldn’t mind,” Janelle’s blank face shown fear, her peripheral able to spot Erik unmoving and sorrowful.

“Can you do that for me, princess?” Harrison sounded as if he were choking on his words like tears wanted to force themselves from his eyes. Hazel eyes met coffee brown, a small smile playing across her lips.

“That’s my girl,” Harrison kisses Janelle’s forehead leaving behind a warmth that she missed.

“I promise, I swear to you… I won’t leave you hanging like this again, I love you, Nelle, you mean the world to me.”

Footsteps sliding across a tile floor caught the young girls attention, her father looking up and over her shoulder at his older sister. Letting out a sigh, Harrison puts up his pinky, eyebrows raised at his little girl.

“Let’s pinky promise,” This was all too easy for her. This is what home felt like. Janelle clasped her father’s larger pinky, swinging it back and forth. Harrison laughs softly, touching foreheads with her before lifting from his knee to follow his impatient sister into the kitchen.

She was finally left alone with Erik.

Her eyes couldn’t leave his slouched figure.

Taking timid steps, Janelle walks slowly toward him, taking a seat on the same couch but on the opposite end, pushing herself into the corner with her knees drawn to her chest. The only sound was the soft whispers from her father and aunt in the kitchen. To pass some time, Janelle stared closely at the golden wavy lucky fortune cat her father had from his visit to China. Janelle always laughed at it but tonight it looked creepy. A sniffle from the opposite side of the couch pulled her eyes away from the funny-looking statue, landing on the source. Erik was wiping away at his cheeks roughly, side-eyeing Janelle and ashamed that she had caught him.

“It’s okay… I cried earlier too,” Janelle loosened her shoulders, fumbling with her tiny fingers.

“It was embarrassing,” Janelle tried her hand at laughing lightly, but that was clearly the wrong move. Erik looked up at her with those same evil eyes like the girls gave her at the park. They felt foreign: unlike him. Janelle felt that it was forced as if Erik had to feel that way.

“I’m sorry… I… I didn’t mean to,” she could have kicked herself. Erik didn’t say a word, turning to look out of the window of the living space.

“Do you...wanna talk?” Being brave was the only option now. Maybe if he talked to someone his age, it would make him feel a little better.

“No,” his soft voice cracked, head shaking slowly.

“I’m easy to talk to. I could...make you feel better?”

Once again, he shakes his head no.

“Sweets help to. When I’m sad, my dad gives me salted caramel ice cream. You would probably like that,” She couldn’t explain what sparked her, but Janelle scooted closer to Erik. He felt that shift, looking at her as if she had two heads. Pausing, Janelle held her hands in her lap, studying Erik closely. He looked like a child who had one too many nightmares.

“What happened to you?” She couldn’t stop herself from asking. Even the sight of him wanted to make her cry.

“Did someone… hurt you badly?” The nurturing side of her couldn’t stay locked in a cage.

“Stop asking me questions,” he was flat out and to the point. It stung like venom, but that only drove her to keep going. If he broke down in front of her, she would hold him even though she didn’t know him.

“I’m only trying to help.”

“I don’t need your help. Just… just leave me alone.”

Janelle settles back, defeated and feeling his sad energy to some degree. Silence fell between them both again until Janelle could hear her Auntie Mara whispering angrily.

“You have a daughter here, Harrison. A daughter who asks where her father could be. A daughter who already was abandoned by her mom. And then here you go, bringing some kid into this house like you have to look after him. The system will do that, Harrison.”

Janelle felt Erik move slightly, his fists clenched.

“You wanna know what happened at the park today? Janelle was attacked by a group of white girls who called her names and threatened her. She came home from school in pain and I had to pry it out of her. What kind of father are you? She’s going through things and you aren’t even here to protect her. You’d rather protect a child that isn’t even your own over the one you created? Shame.”

“Do you hear yourself, Mara?! How could you say some shit like that! He’s just a boy. He lost everything and has nothing. I feel responsible. I love Nelle with all my fucking heart, Mara. I know shit is fucked up now but I-I feel responsible for Erik,”

“Responsible?! Hell, you were just doing your job. You are a detective. Tragedy happens every day.”

“I can’t believe you. I’m the only one that stood up for him. His mom’s family didn’t want anything to do with him. They said he would be too much of a responsibility. Even his own grandmother said that. It’s sickening,” she could hear her father heave a stressful sigh.

“Harrison. I know how hard this may seem, but putting that extra weight on you along with everything else that is going on isn’t logical! Think about Nelle,”

“Oh, I have. And that’s one of the reasons why I’m doing this. What if something happens to me? What if my little girl becomes traumatized like he did? I can’t allow that,”

“She won’t. She’ll have mama and me,”

It was silent for a fraction.

“And what about Erik?”

The silence stretched on longer.

Janelle turned on the TV, flipping through channels casually to by some time. Maybe Erik would feel better if he watched TV. Flipping through, a name caught her attention on the News, causing her to stop.

“A young boy, Erik Stevens…”

Janelle blinked rapidly, turning fully to Erik. His picture was on the TV screen, a picture of him and his parents together during a professional family photoshoot.

“A tragedy that struck a home in Liberty City leaving this ten-year-old boy parentless,”

The News flashed to a candlelight visual being held outside of the home with balloons and various photos. A local reporter was talking to a woman wearing blacked-out shades to cover her teary eyes.

“How difficult is it to stand outside of the home tonight?”

The woman shook her head in sorrow, a hand clutching her heart.

“This disgusting act has my heart in pieces! I knew this family very well. They were kind, and their son was kind. I can’t imagine what he is going through right now.” She rubbed at her snotty nose.

“Were you friends of the family?”

The woman nodded her head slowly, avoiding the camera lights.

“Neighbors. I grew up with Erika. I just recently got to know N’Jobu.”

Janelle might be nine, but she understood what all of this meant. She felt as if she invaded, turning off the TV instantly. All courage to look at him faded, all she could do was stare at the blank TV screen.

“Janelle,”

Her name brought her out of her daze, meeting her father’s worried eyes.

“Janelle. Go to bed,” Flat tone, and stern eyes were what her father had. She didn’t go looking for Erik’s story on the TV, it just fell in her lap.

“I’m… I’m sorry dad,” tears began to fall, Auntie Mara coming to the rescue as of late. She picked up Janelle, squeezing her tight while glaring at her younger brother.

“Look at what you caused!!!! Bringing him here and now Nelle knows!!!!! How could you?! HOW COULD YOU?!!”

Harrison went to step forward but Mara’s angry pointed finger stopped him, almost jabbing him in the chest.

“NO! No…”

Mara rubbed at Janelle’s sandy brown puffballs, walking away with rage. Janelle looked over her aunties shoulder with desolate eyes, meeting Erik’s crestfallen ones before a storm began to brew.

———

April 2006, Ryder Trauma Center:

“How bad is it doc?”

Janelle tried to keep the yawn that fought to be freed at bay.

“He’s stable. The surgery went as planned. He’s lucky to still be alive with those injuries.”

Janelle gripped her coffee cup, spilling some on her jeans.

“Shit!” It burned, her fingers trying to wipe it away since she didn’t have any napkins.

“Tired?” The Doctor looked at her with a worrisome face.

“Sleep can wait. When can I see him?”

The Doctor was cautious to speak, looking at Erik’s closed curtain within the SICU unit.

“He’s… detectives are in their questioning him,”

“WHAT?!” Janelle tossed her coffee, walking past the doctor to Erik’s room. Pulling back the curtain, she found Detective Rivers, her father’s old partner and some rookie cop crowding Erik’s space. If Erik wasn’t in this state, all of them would probably be seriously hurt.

“What’s going on?!” Janelle folded her arms over her chest angrily, eyes inflamed.

“Janelle,” Rivers had a solemn look in his eyes, slipping his notepad away discreetly.

“How… how are you?”

“How do you think? WHY are you questioning him? Can’t you see he just came from surgery? What’s wrong with you?” She was disgusted.

“Calm down, were just asking Erik what happened two nights ago, isn’t that right, Erik?”

Janelle looked over at her brother, heart aching as she took in the traction device that held his leg and bandages covering his other wounds.

“Erik. You know you don’t have to talk to them,”

He was silent with his eyes looking anywhere but at the people surrounding him.

“He won’t talk. I was questioned already and I told them what I knew. Erik wasn’t involved.”

“We need to hear that from him,” Rivers squeezes the bridge of his nose in frustration. A pained sound came from Erik, Janelle fisting away her tears with the already wet sleeve of her University of Miami sweater. Hearing that pained sound made her feel pain. Licking at his dry lips, Erik shook slightly as his head turned toward Rivers and his lackey. They all waited with bated breath.

“Y’all motherfuckers disgust me. Crooked, dumb ass cops. Here y’all go, trying to solve one case when there are others of more concern.” Erik’s scratchy painful voice silenced everyone in that room, catching them in his web-like he controlled them. When he talked his eyes watered.

“What about my parents?! Y’all know who did it but yet you won’t bring him in?! Fuck is up with that?! Then Harrison gets killed and you can’t figure out who did that?” He was getting himself worked up, blood pressure spiking.

“Fucking disgusted. I can’t wait to get out of here…”

Rivers looked at the rookie cop, then at Janelle. He didn’t have a word to say to Erik’s frustration.

“Wait till I get out of here…”

Janelle was afraid of the way Erik said those words. What did he mean? There was so much she felt like Erik never shares with her. Whether it was to keep her safe or not, Janelle deserved to know. It was as if her father and Erik had a secret understanding.

“You have plans to go to the Navy, correct?” Rivers tried another tactic, hoping to gain some insight.

“I know people in the Navy, Erik. I could land you a superior job there…”

Janelle wanted to laugh maniacally at that. Here this white man was, trying to make deals with a black man to make him cooperate. That’s what they always did.

“You think I need you? Fuck makes you think I need you to get me where I can get to on my own. Don’t worry though, I use your kind all the time. Make you think you have power over me. It’s all a game.”

Rivers smiles despite his growing anger at Erik’s spiteful words about his race. Janelle rolled her eyes into her head, Rivers knew Erik was right, he just didn’t want to admit it.

“Alright,” Rivers stands, hands on his hips like a typical detective with his badge and gun visible. It was so close to Erik’s face as if he was silently telling him that if he didn’t cooperate things would go bad.

“We’ll keep in touch, Erik. Janelle. Good to see you,” after that dry farewell, Rivers motioned for his rookie to follow him out, leaving Janelle alone with Erik since two days ago.

“Erik,” Janelle took a seat on a chair near his bed, ruffling the sleeves to her sweater.

“Talk to me.” She tilted her head down at him, watching as he turned in the opposite directing toward his heart monitor.

“Why are you punishing me? I’ve done nothing but love you and this is what you do?” She licked her dry lips, hot tears soaking her face yet again.

“I’m not punishing you, Nelle. You need to worry about getting through Criminology school and beat these whities at their own game.”

“Did you hunt him down? Dad's killer…”

“STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!!” Erik’s bed began to beep from all the motion, multiple footsteps being heard as the sound continued.

“Everything alright?!” A young Asian nurse entered, looking around the room concerned while Erik’s orthopedic doctor trailed in causally begin her.

“Erik, do you want more pain meds? You can’t keep moving so much you’ll disrupt the traction,”

Erik went silent again as if he were an empty shell. Janelle smoothed her hand over her silk pressed sandy brown hair, pained at what might be the truth.

She hoped it wasn’t the truth.

———

October 1998: Coconut Grove Private Academy

“Umph!”

Janelle felt her body slam into a series of lockers on the third floor of her private school. Her long sandy brown box braids crowded her vision, equilibrium off as she tried to right herself again. That didn’t work for her because another forceful push caused her knees to buckle.

“I SAW YOU LOOKING AT CASSIE IN GYM TODAY!”

Janelle looked up into the eyes of Cody Willis, the eleven-year-old bully. He always picked on Janelle just as much as Nattie did.

“YOU LIKE GIRLS, DON’T YOU?!”

His haunting blue eyes flared down at Janelle like she was infested.

“LEAVE ME ALONE, CODY!” Janelle rubbed at her sore elbow, fighting tears.

“Why? So you can go after Cassie and try to kiss her with your nasty lips?!!” The other white boys laughed hard, slapping Cody’s back to edge him on.

“Why would ANYONE want to kiss you anyway?! You’re ugly,”

Janelle knew they talked about her broad nose. She knew they hated her kinky hair. Her fair skin even was frowned upon.

“YOU WANT TO BE LIKE US SO BAD WITH YOUR YELLOW SKIN. YOUR SKIN LOOKS LIKE A DISEASE.”

Janelle could feel her head being shoved into the locker, screams loud. A door to her far-right swung open causing the boys to move away and act as if nothing was going on. Janelle glared at them, adjusting her oxford top.

“What is all that noise?!” Miss Caldwell, a science teacher, stepped into the hallway with a ruler in hand.

“What is the meaning of this?! Janelle? Boys?”

Janelle was ready to tell it all but Cody’s hard threatening eyes stopped her.

“N-nothing,” she avoided the woman’s cautious eyes.

“Boys? Is it nothing like miss Morris is saying?”

“YES.” A unison response sprang free, fake smiles on their faces.

Miss Caldwell looked between the children for what felt like minutes before relaxing her shoulders, turning to leave.

“Aren’t you all dismissed?! Get home!” She waves them away before reentering her classroom. Janelle grabbed her backpack from the hallway floor, ready to run away but Cody tripped her, Janelle falling face-first against the floor.

“Bitch,”

All she could feel was cold tile on the side of her cheek. She needed to leave. She hated this place.

On her way down the steps, Janelle spotted Erik sitting on the bottom steps, a black eye, and a lifeless gaze. This was normal for him. Erik was known to be the fighter in school. The loner. Although everyone followed after Cody and all his friends, none of them messed with Erik. Janelle rolled her eyes, stepping in front of him with her arms folded.

“Fighting again? My dad is gonna be pissed,”

“So?!” Erik spoke with malice.

“So is you can’t keep fighting every day! You’ll get kicked out of the school!”

“I don’t give a fuck about this school!” His fists clenched. As angry as he was he noticed a slight bruise on Janelle’s cheek.

“How did you get that, Nelle?” His voice was soft but it held danger.

“No reason. I fell in gym class today during a game of basketball.” Janelle began walking away, trying to avoid the conversation completely.

“Let’s go! We have to make it home for dinner,”

Janelle stopped in her tracks, noticing how Erik didn’t budge.

“Oh my God,” she rolled her eyes at him.

“What now?”

“You’re lying. It’s Cody this time around, isn’t it?”

She could feel herself breaking out into a nervous sweat.

“Screw Cody! He’s a loser.”

“Janelle. I know when you’re lying,” Erik grabbed his bag, walking past her.

“You go ahead home. Tell Harrison that I’m staying after to play ball,”

“I’m not lying for you,” Janelle stuck her nose in the air.

“Yeah, you will. You will or I’ll tell him about Cody picking on you.”

Janelle knew Erik wouldn’t do it but the thought of him doing it caused her to give in and groan.

“FINE! But you owe me your fudge cookies at lunch tomorrow,”

“I don’t care, those things are fucking nasty anyway.”

Janelle shoves Erik, skipping away and out the main entrance.

“Don’t be too long!!!” She singsonged, never noticing the vengeful look in Erik’s eyes.

His homicidal urge couldn’t be stopped. The little voice in his head that he referred to as “the dark passenger” invaded his brain like bad nerve cells did a brain-damaged victim. Harrison tried to control his sociopathic tendencies with guidance, but all that failed at this moment.

Cody has to die.

The fucking vermin picked on the wrong girl.

Even though Erik had a hard time considering Janelle to be his sister after two years, he still felt the urge to protect her like a big brother should. His internal feeling of emptiness needs to be fed with blood and rage. Sadly, it’s what made him feel alive. Everything he did to fit in with the world around him felt like a disguise. Any emotional attachment repelled him like off spray.

One week later:

“Nelle, Erik,”

Harrison approached Nelle while she was playing with her spy kit, Erik sitting on the patio with her, playing his game boy with intense competitive eyes.

“Hey, check this out, dad!” Nelle showed her father a fingerprint she dusted for fake evidence. Despite his pained expression, Harrison smiled at her success.

“That’s wonderful, baby. You’ll make a great forensic scientist someday,” Harrison ruffled her braided bun, turning a keen eye on Erik.

“You guys go to school with Cody Wills?”

Erik continued to play as if he didn’t hear Harrison ask him a question, biting down on his full bottom lip. Janelle, however, shivered at the name. She heard about Cody being hospitalized for the severe concussion he obtained while at the park just a week ago.

“Yeah, we know Cody,” Janelle spoke up for Erik.

Harrison looked between them both before taking a seat on his patio chair, running a stressful hand over the top of his bald head.

“Um, I’m afraid I have bad news regarding Cody,”

Janelle avoided her father's eyes, looking down into her lap. Silence filled the space except for Erik’s game music. Harrison studied Erik closely, opening his mouth to speak.

“He died today from complications. I don’t feel like neither of you should know the extent of it but I at least wanted to make you aware of it. His family is really going through a tough time.”

Janelle felt bad but not as bad. Cody was mean to her for no reason. He hit her, called her names, even threw things at her. She couldn’t lie and say that she didn’t wish death upon him a few times while crying in the bathroom during lunch break.

“Hey, don’t look so sad, Nelle,” Harrison lifts her chin.

He places a soft kiss to her forehead, lifting to his feet to approach Erik. Harrison crouched down to his eye view, head tilted in concern. The exchange frightened Janelle. Erik acted as if Harrison wasn’t even there like he was in his own little bubble.

Harrison let out a shaky breath before ruffling Erik’s braids, lifting to his feet again, turning to enter the house. Harrison was so patient with Erik even after he completely ignored the news about Cody. Janelle decided to start some mischief, picking up a tiny pebble, tossing it at Erik. Like he sensed it, Erik catches the pebble, throwing it into the yard.

“Show off,” Janelle stuck her tongue out at him.

“Jealous?” He gave her a wicked smile.

“No! I can do a lot of cool stuff too,” she folded her arms.

“Like what?” Erik paused his game, staring at Janelle fully with humor in his eyes.

“I can beat your high score on that game!” Erik barked out a burst of laughter, brushing Janelle off.

“Yeah ared,” Like he never left, Erik began playing the game again, his scarred knuckles gaining Janelle’s attention. She looked from his hand to his face, wondering how he got those scars.

————

Two months later: 2006

“Are you going to tell me what happened? Ever?”

Janelle dried the last plate before placing it in the cabinet of her Aunt's home. This is where she returned to since her other home was tarnished with the death of her father.

“Nah, you don’t need to know.” Erik sipped lightly on a glass of water, Naval Academy uniform folded neatly in front of him. He was leaving her behind. No questions answered, just leaving like nothing happened. Erik was tough but he didn’t always need to be. He acted like a shell at times and it scared Janelle.

“Why the Navy?” Erik was smart, he graduated high school with honors and awards, and now he was on his way to Annapolis for the Naval Academy. It all seemed weird to Janelle. Maybe he had a plan after all. She only hoped that it would exterminate his demons. It was nothing but trouble in Miami for Erik.

“I need to focus on building myself. I feel like if I stay here, I’m stuck in a never-ending loop of horror with what happened to my parents. I need to move on to bigger and better things, Nelle.”

Janelle also took that as a way for Erik to be rid of anything that involved her father too. Harrison helped Erik as much as he could, but clearly not enough.

“Besides, Mara ass doesn’t like me anyway,” Erik smiles into his glass.

“Not even remotely funny,” Janelle fights the urge to ask Erik where he was and why he’d been shot. Ironically, news coverage that same day announced finding the body of a man named Darrell Wilde who was in and out of jail on drug charges and could possibly be the one who murdered her father. Janelle didn’t believe it. There were so many suspects involved, and none of it seemed true. She looked at Erik then, trying to find the answers but instead he stared at that TV like he was staring off into space before blinking rapidly like someone snapped him out of a trance. It sent a chill up her spine.

“You’ll never tell me who shot you will you?”

She pretended to be preoccupied with the old microwave her aunt had for years but her emotions got the best of her.

“That was a stupid mistake I’ll never make again. I can’t go looking for trouble unprepared you know what I’m saying? The Navy can help me with that…”

Erik smiles, trying to make light of the situation, his toned arms wide.

“I’m gonna be a future JSOC one day! Be happy for me, Nelle!”

“Happy?” She was growing angry with his dismissive attitude.

“I’m surprised you even know what that is. You never show an ounce of real emotion and now you're smiling and laughing like everything is okay. I can’t tell what’s fake or real with you.”

Erik’s smile faded, arms dropping to his sides and form stiff. Janelle could see right through him. She knew Erik put a veil over himself to blend in when deep down everything was a raging storm within him.

“You don’t have to hide it from me,” The tears leaked onto her chest. Erik felt uncomfortable near her, unsure of how to make her feel any different. Raw emotion like this frightened him.

“I’m the only one that cares.”

“I know… but you gotta trust me on this.”

Erik walked up to Nelle, pulling her into an awkward hug, allowing her to cry on his shoulder. He rubbed at her back stiffly, jaw tight from the affection.

“I love you, Erik. Don’t forget about me.”

Those words were like a blow to his rough exterior. Did he love Nelle? Sure he cared for her in some way, whichever way that was for him. Erik wished that he could just feel like humans feel. Every time he tried, the demons within him brought him back to hell.

But Erik swore to protect Janelle from then on.

And he was a man of his word.

—————

Present Day: July 5th, 2019:

“Because blood demonstrates surface tension or cohesive forces that act as an outer skin, a drop of blood dropped at a 90° angle forms a near-perfect spherical shape. A smooth surface, such as tile or linoleum, will cause little distortion of this spherical shaped drop, whereas a rougher surface, such as carpet or concrete, disrupts the surface tension and causes the drops to break apart.”

Erik turned to his sister and criminologist.

She brought her notes to his apartment in South Beach to help her with a case that landed on her desk.

“Look at all of these pictures I took of the crime scene,” Janelle spread the photos over Erik’s recycled glass coffee table, forehead wrinkled in frustration.

“It just… it’s not adding up to me.”

“Nelle, you’re a criminologist. Use all those smarts you have and put two and two together,” Erik took a swig of his drink.

“These blood spatters are all different. You may be looking at two different types of kills.”

Janelle ran a hand through her pressed sandy brown hair, laughing to mask her frustration.

“Two? I figured that and Doakes didn’t want to listen to me. He thinks he knows everything under the sun.” Erik huffed, the corners of his lips turning down in disinterest at the mention of that name.

“He’s a dirty cop. He’s trying to cover up the shit he’s not supposed to do by making you look bad. You want me to handle him for you?”

Erik’s palm itched for some action. He didn’t like anyone bothering his sister.

“Ha, I can handle Doakes. He talks and walks like his dick is big but it’s all a front. I think he likes me… too bad I prefer pussy,” Janelle laughs, watching as Erik joins in.

“You laugh like you agree with me, bro. What’s up with you Mr. Bachelor? No lucky woman melting that ice-cold heart of yours?” Janelle raised a playful brow at her brother.

“I don’t have time for that,” Erik played with his sweating glass, rubbing it over his thumb causing a print to form within the water. His fingerprint was a mixture of whorl and tentarch.

Janelle snorted loudly, the alcohol catching up to her and she was only on glass number two.

“So? Carmen doesn’t ring a bell?”

Erik opens and closed his mouth like a fish, unsure of how to answer that. Janelle always threw him for a loop.

“How the fuck do you even know about Carmen?”

“You’re such a dick head,” unspoken, her eyes traveled to his upturned phone, “Carmen has been calling you since I got here.”

Erik casually flipped his phone over, eyes occupied with the wall space behind Janelle littered with trophy weapons.

“Are you avoiding her? You could at least tell the girl you’re not interested.”

“She thinks I’m mysterious,” Erik made a weird face.

“She’s a loner who’s intrigued with my mystery.” Erik found that to be comical. Carmen was a part of Erik’s disguise. She helped add to his “normal” life outside of who he really was. He hadn’t even touched her yet but he couldn’t deny that the chick didn’t feed his curiosity. A girl never made him curious.

“Maybe you can be apart of her own little world. Maybe she needs that… maybe you need that.”

Janelle was all but hinting to Erik that he needed to settle down. Although she had her suspicions that her brother was disinterested in any aspect of romantics, she could only hope that one day that will change him.

“I worry about you nigga,” Janelle worried about Erik every damn day.

“What did I tell you about that shit? Worrying over me is like picking at a scab that won’t heal.”

He felt like he was eating his own words.

“You live alone in the gloomy fucking apartment, hardly go out and do anything, sleep on your boat in the middle of the ocean, blank out in the middle of conversations like some crazy person,” Janelle paused to catch her breath.

“If there was ever anything wrong, would you talk to me about it?” Janelle all but crowded Erik’s little bubble, eyes soft. She placed her slender hand over his, hoping to gage some kind of reaction, even a flinch would be acceptable.

“Depends on what it is,” His eyes met hers, the cinnamon orbs flickering with a hint of black.

“You talk like you're some kind of serial killer,” Janelle laughs heartily, shoving playfully at Erik’s shoulder. Erik’s warm hand slips away from hers, falling into his lap. Janelle’s smile faded, her fingers nervously placing her hair behind her ears. All she could see seated in front of her was that little ten-year-old boy that she met that awful evening. Reaching forward, Janelle tugs on one of Erik’s dreads, attempting to get a smile out of her brother.

“You need a trim,” SHe ruffles it like the hairs of a dog, successfully snapping him out of his gloomy phase.

“Here you go acting like somebody mama,” Erik slaps her hand away, shaking his head with a tired smile. At least she got a smile out of it.

“I am your mama!” Janelle settles back on her side of the table, legs folded Indian style like she was back in kindergarten.

“Whatever, you know me and Regina are having a housewarming. Not that you enjoy social events but I would like to see you there with Camren. I want to meet her… whatever she is to you.”

Erik picked at the dreads framing his forehead, deep in thought about being surrounded with those humans. Erik considers himself emotionally divorced from the rest of humanity; in his narration, he refers to “humans” as if he is not one himself. He claims that all of his emotional responses are part of a well-rehearsed act to conceal his true nature. He has no interest in romance or sex; considering his “relationship” with Carmen to be part of his disguise.

“Fine. Should we bring something?”

“Just some good liquor,” Janelle gathered her notes, placing them into her work bag before standing with a pained expression.

“Jesus, I feel like I’m 50,” Janelle stretched her back, shaking out her limbs before slipping her heels back on.

“Get some sleep, Erik. That insomnia isn’t something to play with,”

“Are you trying to school me on sleep? I bet once you get home you’ll be up all night poring over your notes until 5 am,”

Shrugging without guilt, Janelle shoulders her bag, “my job calls for it. You have no reason to be up so late without a 9 to 5. I envy that sometimes. Just bullshitting around.”

“I’ve earned the right to bullshit around with all the work I put myself through,” Erik prided himself not only in his kills but in his success as well.

Janelle wished she could sometimes live day to day without working for anyone but she loved what she did. She did it to prove to the whities and the slackers that she could solve the cases thrown at her one by one.

“As much passion that you have for your job, Nelle, I doubt it,” Erik walks Janelle to the door, opening it for her only to be startled by Carmen. Grunge and vibrant and she hadn’t said a word yet. Her cat-like eyes looked from Erik to Janelle with suspicion, Janelle ready to clarify EVERYTHING so Carmen didn’t get the wrong idea.

“Carmen?” He stared at her with confusion, ignoring his sisters scheming smile.

“So you’re Carmen? Hi, I’m Janelle, Erik’s sister,” Janelle greeted Carmen with a friendly handshake, studying the dark girl standing before her dressed in all black from head to toe, short curly mane, and piercings.

“Nice to meet you. Erik didn’t tell me he had a sister.” Janelle stared blankly at him, eyes swimming with questions that needed answers. Janelle could feel the tension brimming, deciding to leave now before things toppled over.

“Talk to you later, E. Don’t forget,” like a mother, she pointed a stern finger at him before saying goodbye to Carmen, closing the door behind her.

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#whump #angst #blackpanther #killmonger #amethyst1993

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renee-writer · 6 years ago

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I Would Rather Not Love Anyone.

Gotham's Writing Workshop week 32

Very angsty

Love is a trap. That was a lesson Claire Beauchamp learned early. At the tender age of five, her parents were killed. This leaves her in the care of her Uncle Lamb, who, although he does an admirable job raising her, taking her all around the world as an archaeologist, he lacked the tenderness of a mum and pa.

She thought she had found love with Frank Randall. Maybe she was just looking for a father-figure. Especially after her Uncle Lamb's passing. Maybe she was. Maybe it would have been more. But she has no time to find out, as Frank is killed within a year of the Second world war starting.

So, she is alone again. No parents. No uncle. No husband. Just her line of never-ending patients. Casualties of the war that had taken her uncle and husband. And she treats them well, with aloof confidence. But never gets close. Until...

He didn't want to be here. He needs to be home, helping his sister. Bloody hell, she needs him. Alone at Lallybroch with his wee nephew. Ian is here with him. And their parents dead. Willy dead. Willy! He still can't believe it. Willy who had always been there. His earliest memories are of Willy. His big brother, his idol. Killed a month ago in this damable war.

And now he lays in this MASH tent, with his back tore to shreads from that blasted grenade. And the docs saying he is lucky he isn't dead. But he wants to be. The heartache of his losses to much to live with.

It is the look on his face. She is drawn to him because she sees the same look in her eyes when she looks in the mirror every morning. Loss, desolation, grief, and a bone-deep loneliness. She walks over and has a seat beside him, picking up his chart to get his name.

"So Private Fraser, who was it for you?"

He looks at her, startled. And then really looks. "My big brother William, Willy. A mere month ago. And ye?"

"My husband. We were married a year before the war took him. His name was Frank."

"I am sorry Sassanech, about Frank."

"It is Claire. I am sorry Private Fraser, about Willy."

"Thank you. It is Jamie, Claire."

"Jamie." She nods and stands to check his back. "Christ lad. What hit you?"

"A grenade. If---," he stops and shakes his head, swallowing hard," if Willy, he pushed me away, ye ken. If he hadn't, I would be dead. He took the blunt of it. Twas barely enough left of him to send back to our sister, Jenny to bury." He starts to cry silently. Claire relowers the sheet and sits back beside him. She wordlessly takes his hand. She just holds it, knowing words are useless.

He sobs for ten minutes before looking at her. "Does it get better Claire? Do ye ken that there will be a time when I can think, speak of him without tears?"

"They say it will. Oh Jamie, I pray they are right."

"Me too."

She gets a wet rag and wipes his face before returning to his back. She gently cleanses it before re-bandging it.

"Jamie, I must go. Have other patients."

"Aye lass. Will ye came back after. I would love to hear your story."

"I will."

"I was but 18, you see, when Uncle Lamb passed. Had already started nursing training. He was steady, reliable, and there when I needed him most. I don't know if it was love or just easy. But, either way, we were married a month after we meet. Had a three day honeymoon." She frowns at this. Jamie can't tell if it is because she is embarrassed or just because---but surly not. He re-focuses on her.

"He was shipped out right after. We wrote all the time. But I never saw him alive again."

"So, he was killed in battle, then?"

Her laugh is unexpected and very bitter. "Battle? Yes, I guess you could say that. He was shot by one of his own man for shagging his wife. She had came to visit and well---he shoot her too but she survived."

"Randall? Your--err, was his name Randall?"

"Yes. So you have heard?"

"Aye, the story," he stops and reaches for her hand,"I am so sorry Claire."

She nods and they just sit in silence, himer hand in his.

"So, I would rather not love anyone, ever again.Love hurts."

"Aye lass, it sure can. But, can ye be my friend? I can use one. As can ye."

"Friends? Well maybe."

"I will take the maybe. Go to bed Claire. You look exhausted."

"I am. Thank you Jamie. For listening. And everything."

"Thank you for the same Claire."

Jamie is there for another month. Over that time, they do become friends. But hold anything else they feel for each other back. Both terrified of being hurt again.

"Claire. Hey Claire. Nurse Randall!" The calls finally penetrate her deep sleep.

"Huh? What is it Mary?"

"It is Private Fraser. He has a high fever and is asking for you."

"Jamie!" She is up and rushing towards him as Mary follows. "Do we know the cause of the fever?"

"No. His back is healing. As you know."

"Jamie. I am here lad. Are you in pain anywhere?" She stand by his bedside, holding his hand with the other on his forehead. His temperature is very high and she feels a shudder of fear go through her.

"Hurt all over. I think I will be reunited with Willy soon." His voice is weak, barely above a whisper.

"No! Not bloody yet! Marry fetch as much ice as you can find. You two," she points to two soldiers who serve as interns," help me get him completely undressed."

She helps them lift his burning body and take of the lose pants and socks. Mary returns and they make ice packs for his head, neck, feet, and his groun area.

"Christ Claire, are ye trying to freeze me bullocks off? I may need them again, someday." He complains as she personally places a pack over his penis.

"Trying to get your temp down lad. And I thought you said you would never fall in love?"

"Love and sex have very little in common."

"Don't I know it?" She mummors as she grabs a thermometer and places it in his mouth.

"Sorry." He tries to say.

"Mouth closed lad."

"104. Okay, where is Doctor Raymond?"

"In surgery." Mary answers as she goes to pull the sheet over him.

"No, he needs to be cooled."

"But, he is---" she gestures to his pelvic area with a blush."

"Pull the curtain around the bed and go let Doctor Raymond know we need him as soon as he is done."

"Okay."

"What is is?" A shivering Jamie asks as Claire begins to look for anywhere on his bady where infection could be starting.

"Not sure But you aren't going to die. I will not allow it." She says as she lifts his testicles to exam his upper thighs.

"Oh. Okay Sassanech." His voice is different and she looks up and sees why. His penis is growing. It happens a lot. But, his reaction causes an answering reaction deep inside her. She has to force herself to focus.

"Ah," her sudden exclamation comes when she exams his shin. Right at the underside of his knee, there is a spot of redness. It is small and with him having spend the last two months mostly laying on his stomach; it was easily overlooked.

"What is it Claire?"

"A spot of inflammation. May be the source of your fever."

"Aye, can ye get it?"

"Yes, Mary!" The young lady hurries back in and Claire throws the sheet over his erection to preserve her modesty. At least, that is what she tells herself.

"Bring me a scaple, a small basin, and a bit of alcohol." She looks to Jamie," oh, and a bit of whisky."

"Okay, this is going to hurt." She warns as she places the sterilized scaple over the red warm flesh on his shin.

"Aye Claire, I ken." He takes another slug of whisky," I am okay. Go ahead lass."

She nods, takes a deep breath and presses down. He swallows his scream. Mary blots the blood that oozes up and Claire carefully parts his flesh. She gently pulls the bit of shrapnel out and drops it into the basin.

"That will do it. There was a bit of shrapnel in your leg. It was the source of the infection. You should feel much better now."

"Thank ye Claire."

She could have told him it was her job. But they both know there is more.

"Let's get you sewed up."

Later that night.

"Almost normal. Very good." She says as she re-checks the thermometer.

"I was dying. I felt it."

"Did you? Did you want to go?" They sit alone. Everyone else is asleep and she has the curtain pulled around them.

"I felt that I would. I wanted to for so long. But lately---well lately, I feel there is something to stick around for. Someone."

"I feel the same."

"Do ye Sorcha?" He reaches up and touches her hair.

"Sorcha?" She is breathless.

"It means light and is your name in the Gailec."

"Oh, ahh-yes I do. Christ, this is so wrong. You are my patient."

"Aye, but won't always be. May I kiss you Claire?"

In answer, she lowers her head.

#my writing #jamie and claire #gotham's writing workshop #week 32 #I would rather not love anyone #angst #love lost #love found

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frejahertziswritingthistime · 6 years ago

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An education chapter 22

A/N: OOOOOH, I’m sorry for breaking hearts (hehehehe). I’ve been working really hard on this story, and I think we might be able to wrap it up within 25 chapters in total – maybe a little more. I’m honestly incredibly proud of this series, and it’s been a joy to write it. I’ve loved every second of this. If you have too, please, let me know!

Remember, I always say yes to requests and feedback feeds the writer (honestly, it means the world)!

MASTERLIST

An education masterlist

Buy me a coffee – find my commission-list here

Pairings: Dean x reader

Warnings: ANGST (sorry not sorry), language, a little fluff

It was dark. It was like I had been sucked into a black hole – like I was a black hole. I briefly got a little angry (where the fuck is the white light, everyone is talking about?), but then I decided to figure out what was happening.

I felt… Comfortable. I was pleasantly warm, albeit blinded by the darkness around me. I felt like I was standing on billowing, black smoke. I touched my body with hesitant hands; I was naked. As soon as I realized that, I realized that I didn’t mind. There wasn’t anyone around, so why should I cover up? The back of my mind told me, that I shouldn’t be here. That I should be worried. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. The silence around me was like a soft cocoon, and it wasn’t a silence, that rang in your ears< it was the kind of silence, that surrounded you just before you fell asleep.

“You’ve fought bravely, my dear Valkyrie.” A soft-spoken voice penetrated the silence and Freyja stepped out of the shadows. She was dressed in a white dress, her body armor gone, and she was smiling lightly – but sorrowfully – at me. I smiled back. The darkness seemed to brighten with her, and I could see my hands for the first time.

“Freyja. Where am I?” She looked down. “You are at the stop before the last.” I frowned at her words, but then I understood. I felt cold all of the sudden. “Am I… Dead…?” I asked. My voice wavered. She looked up at me, the tears in her eyes glinting in an unseen light. She nodded slowly. I gasped, and my knees buckled under me – I couldn’t be. I… “My child.” I whispered with horror. She sobbed a little and stepped closer to me.

“I am so deeply sorry for your loss. For you and for your child.” I stood up at once, my entire body shaking. “You have to do something. You have to help me. I can’t… You can’t ask me to fight for you, to die for you, and then just…” She looked remorseful. “At least save my child. I will do anything for you. Anything and everything, please, just… I can’t leave Dean alone. I can’t leave them behind. My child…” a ragged sob pushed through my lips. Freyja sighed deeply and looked to the right – she stared into the darkness.

“There’s not much I can do.” She said and sighed again. “There is something I can, however.” A raspy, female voice sounded from the shadows. It felt… Darker, almost, in the area where Freyja was staring into. “Do you know what you are asking of us?” I stared at the dark spot. “no. But if it brings my child back, I don’t care.” Freyja stepped closer to me with wet cheeks, and a steady stream of tears running down her cheeks. “Dear Y/N. We cannot keep you from death. We can only stall.” I nodded. “I can bring you and your child back. Only until you have given birth to the child, and then you will return to me. My realm.” The raspy voice sounded again, and I locked eyes with Freyja. “Will you accept the offer?” The raspy voice asked.

“Yes.” I stated with conviction. I needed to return. Freyja sobbed a bit. “leave us. Let me tell my Valkyrie farewell, Hela.” A low, menacing chuckled sounded, and then the presence was gone. Freyja grabbed my shoulders tightly. “You must get out. Whatever happens there, you must get away. Hela is ready to keep you forever. Let you suffer. You need to return to the living, no matter the costs. Can you do that for me?” I looked at her beautiful face and saw the urgency in her eyes. “I can damn well try.” She pulled me in for a bone-crushing hug and whispered in my ear with urgency.

“You can get out. You can get away. Trust me, you will do this, Valkyrie. You are stronger than her. She refuses anyone who can keep their spirits up in her realm. You can get out. If she casts you out, you are free to return to the living.” She pulled away. The dark surroundings were brightening up, almost as if someone had shone a flashlight down in the middle of the space. She smiled softly. “Fare thee well. I shall do what I can from my position.” She faded quickly, and I barely had time to tell her goodbye before the bright lights overtook me and I closed my eyes against it.

A loud beeping made me groan. I tried to open my eyes and squinted against the white lights. I saw the white ceiling above me and felt the soft bed under my back. The beeping came from my right, and I saw the machine, that kept track of my vitals, sitting next to me. I was in a hospital.

I felt a heavy weight on my arm and looked down. Dean was resting against my arm; his face was pressed down in the crook of my elbow and his arm, riddled with cuts, rested protectively over my stomach. “Dean.” My voice was raspy and airy, a clear indicator that I’ve been out for more than the seemingly few minutes, I felt had passed in the dark. His head snapped up and he stared at me with wild eyes. “Y/N!” He whispered my name and tears spilled down on his cheeks. He pressed a button next to him, and a team of doctors and nurses rushed in with a variety of medical equipment in their hands. As they prodded and poked me, taking blood, checking my vitals, I couldn’t tear my eyes from Dean. He was staring at me with wide, scared eyes, holding on to Sam, who had hobbled in after the doctors. His leg was broken.

Dean had dark circles under his eyes, and he looked skinny. His eyes were bloodshot, as if he had been awake for more than he should have been, and his cheeks were sunken in a little. He looked horrible. Probably not nearly as bad as me, but still.

“I don’t understand how or why, but your vitals look good. You seem to be in good health.” A doctor looked nonplussed at me. I was, after all, a medical miracle, by the look of his face. “Alright, can you follow the light for me?” I did it without trouble. “What’s your name?” “Y/N Winchester.” I glanced at Dean, as the doctor scribbled on a notepad. He smiled softly. “Age?” “Y/A.” He scribbled again. “What month and year are we in?” I told him, and he kept asking me questions, but I answered on autopilot – I was looking at Dean. “Alright. Well, everything looks fine.” I looked at the doctor. “The baby?” I sounded scared and Dean grabbed my shoulder in a comforting way, looking to the doctor as well. “You’ve both been very lucky. The knife missed the baby and the uterus. You only seem to have a few broken ribs as well, as well as a concussion. You’ve both been spared a great deal, Mrs. Winchester.” He smiled at me. “We’re happy to see you awake and responding. You were in a coma, when they brought you in. You had lost a lot of blood.” He nodded courtly to Sam and Dean, and left the room, leaving me with the two brothers and a soaring heart.

“I’ll wait outside.” Sam said quietly before flashing me a smile. “Thank god, you’re okay. I’m glad to see you awake, Y/N.” He hobbled out to the hall and closed the door behind him. I turned to Dean and saw tears pooling in his eyes. I placed my hand on his cheek and gently wiped a single, stray tear, that ran down his cheek. “We thought… I thought I had lost the both of you.” He said in a broken voice. “You were… You died, several times, Y/N.” I looked at him with a smile. “I’m here.” My heart tugged a little. I knew, I was living on borrowed time, but I wasn’t going to tell him. I couldn’t bear to see his heartbreak. He kissed my hand lightly. “I don’t understand what happened. You were… You were gone, in a coma, and the baby… The baby was not going to make it. I don’t understand.” I smiled softly at him.

“Maybe it was divine intervention. I don’t know, Dean, all I know is that I want to go home. I want to be home, I want to decorate our baby’s room. I want to live, Dean.” He smiled and kissed me softly on my lips. A flurry of emotions ran through me, with the soft kiss. His lips were a little chapped, but it felt like home.

“Okay.” I smiled and rested my forehead against his. “Okay.”

6 months later

“Dean, it’s fine! I can carry a damn box of diapers on my own.” I hissed, when he tried to take the lightweight box from my hands. “Jesus Christ, it’s like you expect me to topple over.” He sighed. “You aren’t supposed to do heavy lifting, Y/N!” I cocked my eyebrow at him. “This isn’t heavy lifting. This is diapers.”

We were trying to ready the room for our daughter, who was due to arrive any day now. It also meant that I was due to leave Dean and my daughter. My time was running out, and I knew it. I think Castiel knew, too. He didn’t say it, but I could sort of feel it. The room, which Dean and Sam had cleared out to make room for a nursery, was coming together. A small, white crib stood at the far end of the room, a rocking chair next to it, and an overwhelming amount of teddybears, dolls and other play-stuff had been scattered throughout the room.

A changing station was settled behind the door, with a small hanging decoration with pictures of me, Dean, Sam and Castiel adoring it. The walls had been painted a soothing, yellowish color, and a strip of wallpaper with hearts on it, ran the length of the room. It was truly beautiful.

I smiled as I sat the box down and looked around. I felt sadden by the fact, that I wouldn’t be here to meet her; I knew, she’d been in great hands with Sam, Dean and Castiel, but I wanted to meet her. See her grow up.

Sam sat in the rocking chair and put pictures in frames, to hang around the room as well. A picture of me and Dean on our wedding day, pictures of our lives together and a few of him and Castiel as well. She’d grow up in a wonderful family.

“I don’t get why you won’t call her Samantha.” He grumbled with a smile. As soon as he heard he was having a niece, he had been adamant that we’d name her Samantha – a family legacy, he called it. It didn’t make sense to me. “Because, she doesn’t feel like a Samantha. She feels like… A Mary, maybe.” A soft kick confirmed what I already knew. I smiled softly and placed a hand on my swollen stomach. “I know, baby.” Dean slapped his brother playfully on the head and stepped over to me with a smile. “I can’t believe it. We’re having a kid. We, you and I, are going to be parents. I never in my life…” He choked up a little. “Shit, fuck. Alright, sorry. I never thought we’d have this.” I smiled and kissed him softly on his lips. I knew we wouldn’t have it. I wouldn’t be here for it. “I know, Dean. It’s going to be amazing.” Tears welled up on my eyes with my words, and he chuckled, before wiping them away. “You’re a hormone-bomb, sweetheart.” He stated. I nodded and wiped the remaining tears of my cheeks. “I know.”

I looked around the room with a heavy heart. Dean and Sam looked happy and content with life. I was terrified of leaving them behind. I was scared for myself. I was sad that my daughter would grow up without me, and I was even more sorry that Dean would have to raise her without me. I knew in my heart, that I made the right decision; I knew, that this had been the only way. I wasn’t about to tell Dean to get ready for a life without me, nor would I tell anyone else, what was going to happen soon. It wouldn’t do anyone any good, if I did. There wasn’t a chance to save me – this was my choice and a thing, I had to face alone.

“So, Mrs. Winchester, when do you think you’re ready to let go of the little asskicker?” Dean asked with a smile and ran his hand over my stomach. I sighed. “I don’t know if she ever wants to leave, if I’m being honest.”

She did want to leave, and she wanted to leave at two in the morning. I woke up, covered in sweat and with intense, shooting pains in my stomach – I had woken Dean up with a groan, and he had instantly jumped to his feet, getting my overnight bag and the baby bag, calling out for Sam and Castiel. I had never felt pain like this before – it radiated to my back, and I was unsure if I was giving birth or breaking my back.

We raced to the hospital, Sam in the back, trying to call Cas, while Dean had gone several miles and hour over the speed limit – I didn’t complain, mostly because I couldn’t do anything but howl in pain. We pulled into the hospital parking lot with screeching tires and Dean had barely turned the engine off, before he was out of the car, helping me to get out as well. He was pale and sweaty; he was just as scared as me.

Sam ran in before us, probably to call a nurse or a doctor to help us, while Dean practically dragged my swollen body towards the entrance. We were met by a team of nurses and my midwife and a very welcome wheelchair. My midwife smiled at me. “The party has started!” She chimed, and I managed to growl at her to shut her fucking mouth, or I’d rip her lips from her goddamn face, before a new contraction took over. Sam rushed to our side. “I got a hold of Cas. He’s on his way.” The boys followed me, the nurses and the midwife to a room, where Dean gently lifted me to the bed and got my clothes off; I howled in pain again, as a new contraction overtook my senses, and he screamed for the nurse – I idly wondered, if I might have broken his hand, which I had a firm grip on. My knuckles turned white with the grip, as a new contraction came and went. My midwife had timed my contractions and smiled at me. “I think you’re getting there. We should have a little look-see, what say you?” She was so fucking perky, and I wanted to rip her head off.

After the uncomfortable experience of her fingers feeling my cervix, she smiled at me. “You seem to be ready. You’re a lucky one, this’ll be fast!” I snarled at her. It couldn’t be fast enough. “Okay, at the next contraction, I need you to push as hard as you can, okay, Y/N?” I nodded. Sweat was dripping down my face, and my palms were sweaty; Dean was standing near my head and his hand was still clamped in mine. “She’ll be here soon, baby. Then we’re good. We’re going to be parents soon!” I didn’t answer him; I couldn’t make myself lie to him anymore, so I opted for a scream, as a contraction overtook me. “PUSH!” my midwife was screaming at me and I wanted scream “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I’M DOING YOU ASSHOLE” back at her, but that would require energy, I didn’t have in me right now.

After thirty minutes of pushing, screaming and sweating, the midwife glanced up at me with a smile. “I can see her, you just need to give her one, final push, Y/N. You got this!” I braced myself against the bed as I felt the rolling sensation, that came just before a contraction and I looked at Dean. “I love you. More than life.” I managed to get out in between huffs. He smiled and kissed my sweaty forehead. “I love you too. Let’s meet our daughter, huh?” I nodded and felt tears welling up in my eyes as I started to push again; this time, it wasn’t the pain, that did it, but the thought of my life stopping in a few minutes. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to say goodbye.

As I gave a final, hard push, the sound of a baby’s cry filled my ears, and my heart swelled. My head felt light and the hospital room swam before my eyes. I fell back in the bed with a sigh. I managed to get a glimpse of a mop of dark-blonde hair and a small, perfect body, before my eyes closed.

The last thing I heard, was the cry of my daughter and the happy sobs from Dean. They would be okay.

A/N 2: I am SO SORRY for another cliffhanger, but a writer’s gotta write, I guess. Sorry, if more hearts were broken!

Like this? let me know!

TAGLIST: @redeyedvixen, @hobby27, @trustnobodyshootfirst, @supernatural-idjit-95, @killerunicorn3, @mypage-myfandoms, @xcarapherneliabearx, @gatorgal94, @biawol, @rachembol, @vickyfarley, @akshi8278, @wingedcatninja, @polina-93, @dean-winchesters-bacon, @andkatiethings

FOREVERLIST: @supernaturalmagicfolk, @redeyedvixen, @al1y, @roonyxx, @heyitscam99, @sherlockstolemyname, @tayyfvck, @starletzombie, @linki-locks11, @jensenyourdeanisshowing, @pisces-cutie, @luciferspreciousbabygirl

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fear-god-shun-evil · 6 years ago

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Can Man Be Saved After the Baptism?

We believers in the Lord have been baptized. Does it mean that we have gained the approval of the Lord and been saved after the baptism?

I Stepped Onto the Path of Believing in God

I believed in Bodhisattva with my mother when I was very young. After marriage, my husband suffered from depression, which always threw the whole family into confusion. At that time, I thought it was no use believing in Bodhisattva or Buddha. I was in a bad mood all the time. Later, I met an old auntie persuading me to believe in the Lord Jesus. The auntie told me that the Lord Jesus is the true God who can not only create the heavens and earth and all things, but also can bring the dead back to life and transfigure the living. I was moved by her words. I expected that the Lord would be my ever-present help and my support after I believed in Him. So I had great drive to believe in God. Every weekend I went to the church to have meetings with the auntie, and I didn’t want to miss even once.

I Was Baptized Into Christ

Several months later, the church informed the brothers and sisters who would be baptized to attend the training. Hearing “baptism,” I found it new. I felt so curious that I asked the auntie what baptism was and why we should be baptized. She answered, “Receiving baptism looks like a ritual, but it is a necessary process of following the Lord. After being baptized, we will become members of God’s family. God will help us in big or small maters, and He will care for us wherever we are. Although you have believed in the Lord now, you are still outside the house of God because you haven’t been baptized.” From her words, I knew that being baptized was very important. I thought to myself, I want to be baptized and become a member of God’s family. I don’t want to be an outsider. So I had got prepared ever since, eagerly looking forward to that day.

The day came at last. When I arrived at the meeting place early, there had been a dozen people waiting in line to be baptized. I looked around to see how to do it. Then the pastor preached and read a verse: “Go you therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatever I have commanded you: and, see, I am with you always, even to the end of the world” (Matthew 28:19-20). He also stated the significance of receiving baptism for Christians. And then the baptismal service began. Because there was no river in the city, the service seemed very simple: There was a basin of water, a towel, a pastor, and an assistant. As a sister was kneeling on the floor, the pastor stood beside her and another person carried the basin of water before him. The pastor called the sister’s name, and she replied. Then the pastor said, “I baptize you into the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.” While saying that, the pastor scooped up some water with his hands and sprinkled it onto the sister’s head. The assistant wiped the water off quickly. This was the process of the baptism. When the pastor baptized me, I felt unspeakably happy and excited at the thought that I was going to become a real Christian—a member of God’s family.

The little service made me understand receiving baptism is the Lord’s demand on all believers. And it shows believers identify with Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection. In the service, our immersion in water means that we die in sins, and our emersion out of water means that the clean and holy life comes through the Lord’s salvation. Romans says, “Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life” (Romans 6:4). Since we have accepted Christ and died together with Jesus, sins will no longer have dominion over the dead, because the Lord said: “For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more” (Hebrews 8:12). And a verse in 2 Corinthians says, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

I Firmly Believed That I Who Believed and Was Baptized Would Be Saved

I felt very happy after the baptism. From the moment that I was baptized, my life would no longer belong to sin, to evil force, or to myself; instead I would be cared for and protected by God and have His presence. For God had forgiven us and our sins. Moreover, the Lord said: “He that believes and is baptized shall be saved” (Mark 16:16). Therefore, in the following daily life, I paid more attention to practicing according to God’s words. Sometimes my husband scolded me in a bad mood. I felt painful and didn’t want to care whether he had food to eat or whether he was hungry. I made up my mind not to speak any word to him again. But the Lord taught us to forgive others seventy times seven. And the Bible says, “Be you angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath: Neither give place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27). When I thought of that, I would first spoke to my husband and still looked after him. I often helped a sister nearby who had difficulty in living. In festivals I would give some money to her to improve her family’s living condition. Usually, if any sister was in hospital, I would take some nourishment to visit and prayed for her with other sisters. No matter how busy I was, I would go to take the holy communion every month, because I firmly believed that since I had been baptized, the Lord would not remember my sin. Even though I committed sins, the precious blood of Christ would cleanse my sins repeatedly through partaking of the holy communion. I would certainly be sanctified in Christ. When the Lord Jesus comes into His kingdom, I would surely be raptured into the kingdom of heaven.

A Sister’s Words Suddenly Made Me Awaken

I considered my baptism as the proof of my salvation. Furthermore, the Lord promised: “He that believes and is baptized shall be saved.” So I firmly believed that I would be raptured first into the kingdom of heaven when the Lord Jesus came again to take His believers. Later, Sister Xia came to our company. Once when I chatted with her, we talked about believing in the Lord. I knew she had believed in the Lord with her mother since she was very young. Now she was a preacher. I confidently told her my thoughts. But she said, “It’s true that the Lord Jesus has forgiven our sins. But it doesn’t mean we have no sins, free from the shackles of sins to be holy.” She asked me, “The Lord Jesus has forgiven our sins. What do the sins mean?” I answered, “Resentment, murder, jealousy, and …”

Seeing that I couldn’t answer her question, Sister Xia went on, “Committing adultery, stealing, and all that go against the law, the commandments, and God’s words are sins. All behaviors that resist God, condemn Him, and judge Him are sins. Blaspheming Him is sin all the more, and is an unforgivable sin. The Lord Jesus came among man. He was crucified in the flesh to be the sin offering for us mankind. As long as we pray to the Lord, repenting and confessing our sins, we will not be condemned or put to death. That is to say, God will not consider us as sinners. And due to His forgiveness of our sins, we can pray to the Lord to enjoy His grace. This is the real meaning of the forgiveness of sins. Although our sins have been forgiven because of the Lord Jesus’ sacrifice for sins, it doesn’t mean that we will no longer commit sins to resist God. This is because our sinful nature still remains within us, and we still resist God, betray Him, and make an enemy of Him. Through the redemptive work of the Lord Jesus, our sins have been forgiven, but not our corrupt dispositions. The satanic dispositions such as arrogance, selfishness, greed, and craftiness still remain within us. These corrupt dispositions are something deeper and more stubborn than sins. They are also the root of our sinning and resisting God. If these satanic corrupt dispositions are not resolved, we will often sin, even judge and condemn God relying on our conceptions and imaginations. In persecution and tribulation, we will deny God, and even betray God like Judas. We will even set up our own kingdom to oppose God when attaining status. Some will steal offerings and then they will be condemned and destroyed by God because of offending His disposition. … So it’s impossible for these people to be taken into the kingdom of heaven. For Jehovah God said: ‘You shall be holy: for I the LORD your God am holy’ (Leviticus 19:2). And the Lord Jesus said: ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, Whoever commits sin is the servant of sin. And the servant stays not in the house for ever: but the Son stays ever’ (John 8:34-35).”

Hearing this, I was surprised at her thorough and deep words, and I admitted what she said was the fact. The pastors in our church often judged and attacked each other for the things about the church with endless jealousy and strife. I was often overcome by transgressions living in sins too. For example, whenever my husband willfully made troubles, I hated him and brushed him off. I knew a relatively cowardly sister. She had houses in the city and she didn’t need to worry about food or clothing. So I became jealous of her and even looked down upon her…. When I reflected on myself carefully, I found that I indeed was not holy. How could I be eligible to enter the kingdom of heaven? It seems that being baptized is not the prerequisite for entering the kingdom of heaven. Only when I rid myself of sins and become holy, can I be worthy of entering the kingdom of heaven. Thus, I awakened somewhat.

After Studying Some Verses, I Saw There Would Be Judgment of the Lord in the Last Days

From then on, I no longer considered being baptized as my capital or imagined being taken into the kingdom of heaven by the Lord. Every day, I read the Bible and prayed carefully. And I shared the testimonies with other sisters when getting together. One day, I read a verse casually, saying, “For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God” (1 Peter 4:17). Then I thought of many verses in which judgment is mentioned. So I found some and shared them with Sister Xia. I asked her how she understood them. She said sincerely, “I used to think like you that we would be saved since we had been baptized into Christ, and then we would be taken into the kingdom of heaven when the Lord comes again. Later, I read the verse, saying, ‘So Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many; and to them that look for him shall he appear the second time without sin to salvation’ (Hebrews 9:28). After reading it, I realized the Lord Jesus hadn’t finished His work. When He appears to us for the second time, He will judge us humans. But the judgment is to work for saving us instead of condemning and destroying us….” Hearing these words, I felt astonished. I couldn’t believe it was true. But the verse tells so clearly that I had nothing to dispute. I couldn’t help crying to God in my heart, O Lord, may You reveal Your will to us. When will You come back to execute judgment? Your child is looking forward to the coming of the day….

#Baptism #God #Salvation #Boble #Jesus

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dailyaudiobible · 6 years ago

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07/20/2018 DAB Transcript

2 Chronicles 1:1-3:17, Romans 6:1-23 , Psalms 16:1-11, Proverbs 19:20-21

Today is the 20th day of July. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian and, of course, it's a pleasure and an honor to be here with you today as we continue forward in our week. Of course, we’re getting to the end of our week but we’re at the beginning of a new book. We’ll begin 2 Chronicles today and there’s not really anything to tell. We talked about the books of Chronicles when we began first Chronicles. We’ve reached second Chronicles, but that's just a delineation. This was all one larger scroll that had been broken apart for ease of finding references. And generally, we come to the end of David's reign and move into Solomon's reign. And that's where we find ourselves. And that’s sort of the delineation here in the books of Chronicles. So, we begin. 2 Chronicles chapter 1 verse 1 through 3:17 today. And we’re reading from the Christian Standard Bible this week.

Commentary:

Okay. So, over the last several days in Romans we’ve gone back to Abraham and realized that it was his faith in God and not his obedience to a law that was the activator for God's promise to him. We’ve learned that the law's purpose was to reveal our helplessness and inability to achieve perfection before God. In other words, in our own strength, we will never be able to stand before God and claim that we deserve to be there because we have achieved perfection. We also learned that even while we were enemies, alienated, estranged from God, He loved us so much that He came to rescue us and that he actually wants a relationship with us. And I chuckle because it’s like, if someone is willing to die for you, than they love you, and they won’t to have a relationship with you. So, within that context Paul discussed sin in our reading from Romans today. He asked the question, should we keep on sinning so that God could be more gracious to us. Of course, Paul denounced the idea. He said, we know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin can lose its power over us so that we’re no longer the slaves of sin. So, let’s think about this. The idea that sin will always be an ongoing part of our lives is really not supposed to be our reality, but this is not something we can achieve our own. Like, brute force isn’t gonna get us to not sin, right? Even though we believe in Jesus, we cannot on our own lead a sinless life that leads us to perfection without Gods help any more than the Jewish people could achieve righteousness before God by obeying the law, which is Paul's point. But his point is also that we’re no longer on our own. When we put our faith in Jesus, we underwent a spiritual transformation. Right? So, the person that we were without God, that person ended and we were re-created or reborn into a new life, completely, one intertwined with the divine nature of God through Jesus. Sin isn’t the default posture anymore, which is why the good news of the gospel is good news. This is all going to boil down to who and what we choose to obey. That's what Paul said, and I'm quoting him here, “don't you know that if you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of that one you obey, either of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness.” So, when we look at this clearly, some things become obvious. We don't have to live with one foot in darkness and the other in God's kingdom. In fact, what that would be is the most uncomfortable way to live, probably at all. That's what the gospel offers, like a halfway in. We were invited to live as new creatures who are no longer enslaved the darkness in any way. That's the offer and it's impossible to move in that direction without cutting ties with anything that would chain us to any other outcome than this collaborative life of faith with God. So, let’s give that some thought today.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit, we invite you into the places where we continue to choose to be enslaved to sin. This isn't supposed to be and doesn't have to be our reality, but we realize that every time we cross those thresholds into sin we are making choices to do it, and at times feel powerless to do anything about it because we have no power to do anything about it. What we fail to do often is to submit ourselves, which is also a difficult thing at times. What we fail to do is run to you for protection. And, so, Holy Spirit show us the ways that were exposing ourselves to the darkness and allowing it to seep into our lives and allowing it to wreak havoc with us. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In Jesus’ name we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base, it's where you find out what’s going on around here. So, be sure to check in.

Pray for brothers and sisters at the Prayer Wall. Check out how to connect on social media. Find the resources in the Daily Audio Bible shop.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that dailyaudiobible.com as well. There is a link on the homepage and I thank you for your partnership as we move our way through the summer time. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good morning DAB good morning DABbers. This is Brady from __ Georgia. I’m calling to ask you all to pray for my mother and not just the one time but, you know, not to be selfish, but, you know, nonstop, without cease. Her name is Rose Marie O’Neill. And she suffers with a mental disorder. In her mind, she feels that she’s being attacked, that there are lasers in the sky that are being shot down at her and causes her great pain. I recently relocated her here to live with me in Georgia because she had a meltdown where she left out of her home and she was walking around the neighborhood in a nightgown when it was cold. The neighbors called the local authorities. They took her to the hospital and there she was admitted to the state hospital. And, so, we finally got her to a point where she was cognitive to say that she has a son and my contact information. I was able to get information and then relocate her to Georgia with me. But, you know, it’s all new. And, so, I’m asking you for me, I’m asking that you all would pray for her that she would be restored, her mental health, and then for me to give me strength because it’s all new for me. She’s afraid to even go to the restroom. Sometimes at night, you know, __ it’s like she lost control of her bladder, her bowels, so she wears diapers. And, so, like I said, it’s just __. And then on top of that if you could pray for my daughter Hilary, that she can find employment and that God would really just touch her and give her the ability to...

Hallelujah. Hey it’s Matthew Fouts. It’s July 17th, 2018. It’s nine years for me since I gave my life to Christ. I was listening to the Daily Audio Bible walking around the yard in such a few months before that day. And there was a man, his name was David S. I worked with him. He was a fork truck driver. And he came in he knocked on my office cube. He said hey, come to this meeting were going to build this place full of Christian men. And I was going to church a little bit at the time. I was listening to the Daily Audio Bible. So, I figured, hey, I’m a Christian man. So, I went to that meeting and I heard a gospel. I heard about Jesus, born of a virgin and lived to sinless, perfect life. He died on the cross and He’s raised from the dead man. And it made sense to me. And I gave my life to Christ and I honestly didn’t think He could do anything. But He changed everything. He’s healed by relationship. He delivered me from a pornography addiction. He delivered me from depression, anxiety. Jesus is Lord man. And if He did it for me He’ll do it for anybody out there. So, my prayer today is for the person that hasn’t yet heard the gospel, hasn’t yet read the Daily Audio Bible. I pray that those doors be open, that they hear it, that they receive Jesus, are healed, delivered, set free, saved in Jesus’ name. That’s my prayer and I know you’ll all agree with me because that’s the will of God. It’s His will and that none should perish but that all should come to him. All should come to repentance He says. So that’s a change of mind, change of heart. That’s what he does. He loves us and I love you because he first loved me man. God is real. It’s nine years and He’s never let me down. You know what? He’s the same yesterday, today, and forever. God bless you. I love you.

This is Michael from North Georgia. I don’t usually call in that much. I’ve only called in maybe two or three times and requested prayer. The particular reason being I love to listen to other people’s requests because it gives me something to pray for and I’m not really the type of person to ask for much. But the few times that I’ve called in I’ve requested prayer for my wife because she was sick and she’s getting better but she’s not 100%. So, please continue to pray for my wife, Sandy, she has a lung disease called vasculitis. She will probably, unless the Lord decides to heal her anytime soon, will have that for the rest of her life. She also has a heart condition, something, cardio myopathy, or something to do the heart, heart races. And one sides enlarged. And she’s a diabetic and she has thyroid trouble as well. So she’s, it’s a real hard struggle for her day-to-day. My daughter Abby, that I requested prayer for. She’s 15. Her blood sugar level has stabilized for the most part. She’s doing a lot better and she got to come home. And my little brother Wesley, he passed away Thursday night, Friday morning of this week. On Friday the 13th he died. They found him dead in his house. He was really sick and he didn’t get better. God brought him on home. So, today I am going to bury my little brother. Please pray for me that I will be able to find the joy of the Lord again in this. I know that God’s got him and I know He’s holding him close. But where else do we hear. And I need the prayer from every one to keep me. Thank you for every one of you in the name of Jesus.

Good afternoon Daily Audio Bible family. This is Chandra calling from Maryland. I want to get everything out. I had to pray before I called because I get really nervous. First, I have to say thank you Brian, Jill, and everybody who does the behind the scenes work that makes everything possible. Thank you guys so much. Well, I want to say, first to Keisha, I was listening to the broadcast from the 14th of July and I was hearing Keisha’s request and how she mentioned about how what we may pray for, it will come through, but it may not come through in the way that we pray for it. I’m just saying verbatim, how everyone may interpret things. I do understand, I do want to share a short testimony. I have shared with you guys how I’ve been dealing with multiple sclerosis and I’ve been dealing with being confined to a wheelchair, which is a whole other story. I pray vigilantly that the Lord help me get back in the pool and once I get back in the water that will help me to become more able to and stronger to get out of the wheelchair and do other things. Well, the Lord’s answering my prayer but not in an expected way. He actually is having me in this water aerobics class where I would have to use muscles that I haven’t used in a long time. And just by the fact that I’m going there and I’m able to get out of the wheelchair and get into the pool and exercise even though my legs are weak, it’s being a testimony to people who see my progress or see what I’m going through. And I just want to share that with any…

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sserpente · 7 years ago

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A/N: This was supposed to be funny but it kind of turned out sadder than I wanted it to be. Anyway, enjoy!

Words: 1541 Warnings: alcohol consumption, a little angsty

The knock that woke you from your rather light sleep was disturbing. Loud, vivacious and pushy, you nearly fell out of bed when you hurried to open the door. For all you knew, it could be an emergency and there was a new mission, a fellow Avenger in danger, injured or abducted or… Loki.

It was in fact the God of Mischief. The moment you spotted him standing in front of you, he had already rushed past you, inviting himself in without you saying a word.

“Uh… yeah, just come in,” you mumbled sleepily. Rubbing your eyes with the heels of your hands, you turned around and watched him pacing around the room like a tiger on ecstasy.

You shook your head, crawling back into bed. “Loki, what’s happening?”

“If I knew, this evening would have run very differently.” He replied. He sounded… weird. Unlike usual, his voice wasn’t as graceful and arrogant as normal. Had he been drugged? Was he sleepwalking? But then he stumbled, losing his balance for just a second. No, it couldn’t be…

“Loki… a-are you… are you drunk?”

“Seems like it,” he gave back with a shrug, sitting down on your desk chair and playing with a small object you couldn’t quite make out, in his hands.

“W-why?” You hadn’t even known it was possible for Asgardians… or Jötuns to be exact, to get drunk. Thor did have that magic alcoholic drink he always brought to Tony’s parties but it never even got him tipsy.

“Stark keeps saying it’s what helps him forget. So I took his Whiskey.”

Forget? Forget what? “How much did you drink…?” You asked carefully, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Everything,”

“You drank the whole bottle?!” Jesus Christ.

“No. I drank all of them,”

“All of them?! You mean, you emptied his bar?! How are you still able to stand upright?”

“It takes a lot more for a God to get wasted completely, little one.” Little one?! What the hell was wrong with him? Unlike the rest of the Avengers, you got along with him quite well, for you could hold normal conversations without treating him like a nasty insect. Sometimes you even felt like he sought your presence and enjoyed your company but that of course, must have been your imagination only. Loki would never take any interest in someone like you. Perhaps you were something like a friend to him but that would be about it. So why was he coming to you this late at night in his drunken state and, to crown it all, call you little one like a cherished girlfriend?

“A-alright, you should… you should just go to bed and sleep, okay? Drink some water and then go to your room, yes?”

Loki shook his head. “I came here to talk.”

You frowned in response. “To talk? About what?”

“About what I am trying to forget.” He said quietly. His blue eyes, fixed on the carpet under his feet, looked up to meet yours. There was resignation sparkling in them, along with hurt and loneliness.

“A-and what are you trying to forget?” You asked him unobtrusively. His answer, short and to the point, shocked you.

“Everything,”

“Everything?”

“I want to forget I was taken from my home planet as a relict, I want to forget being lied to by the ones that claimed to love me. I want to forget I will always be the dispensable second-born son, living in the shadow of that stupid oaf of what I am supposed to call a caring brother. I want to forget how Thanos tortured me for months to get me to cooperate for his evil schemes and I want to forget how Odin locked me away in a cell for all eternity. I want to forget how he told me that my only birthright was to die and I want to forget that it is my fault Frigga is dead. I want to forget that there is no one in the nine realms who wants me near them for the simple sake of it and I want to forget how I am used and thrown away when not needed. I want to forget that I am alone, (Y/N).”

Tears formed in your eyes upon hearing this and you had to bite your lower lip hard to hold back a loud sob. The things he had just told you… you somehow knew this was the first time he had spoken his thoughts out loud.

“Loki…”

“Do you know what this is?” He held up the small object in his hands. It was a ring, beautifully crafted and shimmering in the moonlight that shone through your window. Runes were engraved in the foreign metal and the inside was of pure gold. Slowly, you shook your head.

“The runes spell the word love. Decades ago, my mo… Frigga gave it me. Do you want to know what she said? She said ‘This ring has been in the possession of my ancestors for millennia. Keep it, and then one day, when the right day comes, you will give it to your one true love.’” He stared at the wall as if he was recalling the memory, making you bite your lip even harder.

“I was so naïve back then. I thought I would in fact find love one day and marry one of those beautiful women that admired my brother. I thought there had to be just one that would be interested in me as well. But I was wrong and then… then I found out what I really am and everything went down the tube. I will always be alone.” You couldn’t hold back your sob this time. Tears ran down your cheeks uncontrollably as you looked at the man who had intimidated you so much during the incidents of New York. Right now, he was a picture of misery.

“Why are you telling me this, Loki?”

Once more, his stunning eyes locked with yours. His gaze was scrutinising, as if he was weighing whether he could trust you or not.

“You are the only one bearable around here. The only one, who treats me like an actual person, listens to what I have to say and considers my opinion. You know what happened in New York and still, you don’t look at me like I were the devil himself.” He spat. His expression distorted, as if he was in pain. You were touched by his words but still, a sober Loki would never tell you this.

“Should I tell you a secret? I did not forget. None of it. It is worse now than it was before. Here. Take it. I want you to have it. You are what comes the closest to someone I lo… someone I truly tolerate.” W-what?

Your lips parted in shock as he stood and walked over to you, then took your hand into his smooth palms and slipped the ring on your finger. It really was beautiful.

“L-Loki, this ring is far too valuable. You really need to rest before you do something stupid.”

“Oh, I am about to do something exceptionally stupid.”

And with that, he leaned forward and kissed you. His hand grabbed your neck to pull you closer to him as he climbed on the bed and slung his arm around your waist, his lips working against yours demandingly and yet so softly you melted under his gentle touches.

No. He was drunk. Tomorrow, he would remember none of this and if he did—and that would be even worse—he would truly regret it and look at you like you were an insect.

Struggling half-heartedly, you attempted to pull away to look him in the eye again. “Loki, you’re drunk, you’re not yourself. You don’t know what you want, you…”

The God of Mischief chuckled, running one of his soft hands up and down your naked thigh. You shivered. This felt… so incredibly good. Where… just where was that sudden desire for him coming from? You… enjoyed this. Enjoyed him being near you, touching you, kissing you and yet, you crawled away from him.

“Loki, please, I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret tomorrow. W-we… if you still want this tomorrow, we can… stay the night, you don’t have to leave. Lay down with me. Please, Loki.”

You… cared? No, you couldn’t. If you cared more than you should, he would, unbeknownst to him, rip your heart out, for soon, he would return to Asgard and then, you would most likely never see him again. There was no point in getting attached to a man that would leave you.

But as he nodded and obeyed much to your surprise, letting you tuck him under your blanket, you cuddled up to him, resting your head on his chest and allowing him to put an arm around you. Loki was sound asleep within seconds, leaving you awake and churning.

Pensively, you played with the golden ring on your finger, stroking over the runes with your thumb. Love. Did he truly care for you? You, a mortal woman who willingly spent her time with him? Somehow, you hoped so.

For you, it was too late, so you realised. You already cared.

Part II can be found on my masterlist!

#loki #loki imagine #loki x reader #loki x you #loki laufeyson #loki laufeyson imagine #loki laufeyson x reader #loki laufeyson x you #tom hiddleston #marvel #marvel imagine #thor #thor imagine #the avengers #the avengers imagine

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frederickwiddowson · 4 years ago

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The writings of Luke the physician starting with his version of the gospel - Luke 20:27-38 comments: the Sadducees question

Luke 20:27 ¶ Then came to him certain of the Sadducees, which deny that there is any resurrection; and they asked him, 28 Saying, Master, Moses wrote unto us, If any man’s brother die, having a wife, and he die without children, that his brother should take his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother. 29 There were therefore seven brethren: and the first took a wife, and died without children. 30 And the second took her to wife, and he

died childless. 31 And the third took her; and in like manner the seven also: and they left no children, and died. 32 Last of all the woman died also. 33 Therefore in the resurrection whose wife of them is she? for seven had her to wife. 34 And Jesus answering said unto them, The children of this world marry, and are given in marriage: 35 But they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead,

neither marry, nor are given in marriage: 36 Neither can they die any more: for they are equal unto the angels; and are the children of God, being the children of the resurrection. 37 Now that the dead are raised, even Moses shewed at the bush, when he calleth the Lord the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob. 38 For he is not a God of the dead, but of the living: for all live unto him.

The Sadducees would be very understandable to us today. They were spiritual without believing in the supernatural. They acknowledged nothing that ordinary Christians today would acknowledge.

Acts 23:8 For the Sadducees say that there is no resurrection, neither angel, nor spirit: but the Pharisees confess both.

There are many philosophical Christians today who think there is a value in the fellowship of church, who acknowledge an idea of God, perhaps even view Christ as a great teacher, even calling Him a savior, but they disregard the teaching of the Bible as superstitious, quaint, and archaic. Christianity, for them, is a cultural icon and a refuge in times of grief and stress but they would reject the clear statements about the six days of creation, the parting of the Red Sea, and perhaps even Christ’s resurrection from the dead and still think of themselves as Christians.

The Sadducees are trying to trick Jesus into saying something irrational or foolish but He puts a fact of Heaven to them that they did not have a smart reply for. In Heaven the institutions and physical facts of marriage and procreation will not be necessary. Spiritual beings do not experience physical childbirth or conjugal sex. Whether you regard this as a disaster or not is irrelevant. We will know each other in a more complete and important way than the physical act of sex or the social requirement of marriage. All believers, I feel confident, will be united in Christ in a way more profound that the conjugal relationship of an existence in mortal flesh although I sincerely hope and pray that my wife and I will always know and love each other in a special way in eternity. God made our marriage possible and sustained it against all odds. A marriage between a man and a woman is to be like Christ and His church so we will see what God has in store for us.

Here, Christ says that there is no death in Heaven.

Revelation 21:4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

What does it mean to be equal unto the angels?

John 5:18 Therefore the Jews sought the more to kill him, because he not only had broken the sabbath, but said also that God was his Father, making himself equal with God.

Philippians 2:6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:

An angel is the presence of someone or something that is somewhere else.

Isaiah 63:9 In all their affliction he was afflicted, and the angel of his presence saved them: in his love and in his pity he redeemed them; and he bare them, and carried them all the days of old.

Matthew 18:10 Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.

Acts 12:13 And as Peter knocked at the door of the gate, a damsel came to hearken, named Rhoda. 14 And when she knew Peter’s voice, she opened not the gate for gladness, but ran in, and told how Peter stood before the gate. 15 And they said unto her, Thou art mad. But she constantly affirmed that it was even so. Then said they, It is his angel. 16 But Peter continued knocking: and when they had opened the door, and saw him, they were astonished.

For all intents and purposes it is that individual.

Judges 2:1 ¶ And an angel of the LORD came up from Gilgal to Bochim, and said, I made you to go up out of Egypt, and have brought you unto the land which I sware unto your fathers; and I said, I will never break my covenant with you.

Judges 13:21 But the angel of the LORD did no more appear to Manoah and to his wife. Then Manoah knew that he was an angel of the LORD. 22 And Manoah said unto his wife, We shall surely die, because we have seen God.

Daniel 9:21 Yea, whiles I was speaking in prayer, even the man Gabriel, whom I had seen in the vision at the beginning, being caused to fly swiftly, touched me about the time of the evening oblation.

Luke 1:26 And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth,

Galatians 4:14 And my temptation which was in my flesh ye despised not, nor rejected; but received me as an angel of God, even as Christ Jesus.

Revelation 1:20 The mystery of the seven stars which thou sawest in my right hand, and the seven golden candlesticks. The seven stars are the angels of the seven churches: and the seven candlesticks which thou sawest are the seven churches.

Revelation 21:17 And he measured the wall thereof, an hundred and forty and four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of the angel.

Angels are the spirits of people made perfect and complete by the Lord Jesus Christ, through faith in Him in a spiritual body that can never die.

Hebrews 12:23 To the general assembly and church of the firstborn, which are written in heaven, and to God the Judge of all, and to the spirits of just men made perfect, 24 And to Jesus the mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better things than that of Abel.

In this passage Jesus says the children of the resurrection are the children of God. Only those who are His can consider themselves His children. As a spiritual body cannot die this suggests something, that those suffering in the lake of fire in eternity will have an eternally dying and suffering physical body.

Isaiah 66:24 And they shall go forth, and look upon the carcases of the men that have transgressed against me: for their worm shall not die, neither shall their fire be quenched; and they shall be an abhorring unto all flesh.

God’s children can never die, even though their flesh perishes because we are not what our physical body is.

Job 19:26 And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God: 27 Whom I shall see for myself, and mine eyes shall behold, and not another; though my reins [internal organs and experience of emotions and passion] be consumed within me.

John 10:28 And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.

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moonbelt · 7 years ago

Text

»cave me in

↳ college au

⇢ pairing: park jinyoung | reader

⇢ genre: fluff + slight angst

⇢ word count: 4.658

⇢ description: you should’ve known that asking your best friend turned ex-boyfriend for a favor would never turn out the way you expected.

author’s note: requested by anon!

The moment you come to a stop outside the clandestine coffee shop that sits a few meters away from the Engineering Research Building, you know you have screwed up.

There was no way around it. No matter how many times you mulled over the situation, this seemed to be the only plausible outcome with the least damage. Ultimately, it all depended on your ex-boyfriend giving you the time of day to even hear your proposition out and you understood that there was a high possibility he’d cast you back outside into the brittle December air without a second thought. You probably would have done the same thing to someone that broke 2 years of a relationship and many more of friendship in less than five minutes.

You don’t know how to calm your nerves as you wait for him to finish his shift. God, it’s been weeks since you last saw him face-to-face. You’d seen him in passing here and there, after all, your friends used to be his friends and some of them still were but you’d done your part and refrained from group activities in the hopes that the atmosphere wouldn’t drastically descend into a pit of awkwardness. You guess you were just doing a favor for both you and him.

Taking a deep breath, you strive to retain balance. The only reason why you were standing outside — in the too-cold-for-comfort weather, was because you had omitted an enormous part of your current relationship status to your mom. You hadn’t really thought it important to call your family and tell them that Jinyoung and you were no longer a thing. Of course, you didn’t mean to not inform them but then again you didn’t make it a priority either. The call had come weeks earlier when you were stuffing your head in textbooks, trying to find suitable contents for your thesis paper.

Your family had always been big on giant get-togethers and Jinyoung being your close friend turned boyfriend automatically invited him to everything your parents hosted. Now it was Christmas—you’d spent the last two with Jinyoung, driving the six hours back home and hanging out with your loud family for two days. Usually, it didn’t bother you how tight-knit your extended family was but ever since your mom had told you that your Great-Grandmother was going to be around this year, you couldn’t find it within you to tell her that Jinyoung would not be coming along. She basically worshiped the guy, loved him through and through with that frail heart of hers. As if in a state of dissociation, you heard yourself say, “yeah, we’ll be there. No worries,” before you could even think twice about it.

Afterward, you wanted to crawl up in a hole and die. The whole situation was ridiculous and you hated yourself for not letting your mother know the truth. Yes, your Great-Grandmother would be displeased but anything was better than having to stuff your tail between your legs and ask Jinyoung for help. You could almost picture the look of pure disinterest in his eyes when you asked for the favor. He’d never been good at hiding his emotions, something you’d found oddly endearing at first. His eyes always seemed to explain more things than his words ever could.

It had been months since the last full coherent conversation you had with him. You had tried to envision the different ways the conversation could go. Ask him about school, how’s work—small talk essentially. The only problem was that Jinyoung hated small talk, he was more cutthroat with his approach. You, however, tried to avoid confrontations as much as possible, but after relentless talks with Jackson and Seo, two other people that were still in your friendship circle after your fallout, the concluded agreement had been ‘there’s nothing wrong with at least trying.’

Breathe, y/n, you thought to yourself as you sat down on one of the few benches loitered around. He was one of your best friends or had been for the longest time. You wondered if he still had that claim after four months of radio silence. Maybe you shouldn’t have cut him off completely, but you had done what you thought was best. There had been times when you were tempted to call him, talk to him—anything really—you had missed his advice, his quirks, his voice, his jokes. You had missed movie nights, waiting for him to finish work so you could go running. Christ, there was so much you missed about running with him.

In the beginning, you didn’t particularly enjoy exercising but you loved the feeling that washed over you when you ran, it also didn’t hurt that it helped you release pent-up frustrations. You had moved for the second time that year and you hated it. High school was already horrible without having to make new friends and niches ever so often. Somewhere along the line, you’d given up on making friends that you believed will be with you for the better part of forever. All you wanted was to survive, get out, go to college and hopefully find people you connected with there.

As always, everything started with little things. In class, when you forgot your stationery he’d offer his. You didn’t know him at the time but you weren’t one to turn down much-appreciated help. During break time when you sat to the side with your iPod on shuffle, you’ll catch his eyes for a second too long before you turned your gaze away. When your Physical Education instructor made captains choose teams, you consistently found yourself on his. Not that you complained since his team rarely, if ever, lost. He was always surrounded by the same group of people. You’ll find out later from your neighbor and classmate, Seo, that they grew up together and literally were a swipe away from being blood brothers.

The good thing about running was that sometimes it felt like constraints had been lifted from your body and you felt weightless, airborne. Most times all you needed it for was to clear your mind, keep you grounded back on earth and pull you away from boring reality. You’d offered Seo a chance to run with you but she’d graciously turned it down. She was more into staying at home and watching cable than working out. Something you would have loved to do too, if not for the restless energy always bouncing inside you.

That day you didn’t notice someone had been following you for a good fifteen minutes of your evening run until you stopped to catch your breath and change your playlist. You tug your earphones out and stretch your arms.

He came behind you, huffing and puffing like one of those toy trains you and your brothers had played with when you were younger. The first instinct to wash over you was to bolt the hell out of there, thinking he was a creep or worse—a stalker. It wasn’t until he rested his hands on his knees and raised his head up as he attempted to religiously catch his breath that you recognized him. Black hair matted to his forehead with sweat, clutching his sides in agony but even in his current state of disarray he still managed to pull the look off.

You stopped your body from dashing forward. It would be rude, you thought. Even though you knew him and you were positive he knew you, you’d never actually exchanged a conversation with him outside academia. Your social life practically revolved and ended with Seo and the internet.

“Jesus Christ, you do this every day?”

His face is red and his cheeks keep caving in like he just ran a marathon. The desire to laugh at his predicament is unwaveringly strong and although you try to the best of your ability to restrain yourself, the sounds come tumbling out of your mouth regardless. He looks up at you wide-eyed and mystified like you shot him with an arrow.

“Are you making fun of me right now?” He sputters as he collapses in a heap onto the grassy plane. You were in the second half of your usual route when you’d made the last minute decision to head to the park and catch the sunset before you rounded back and went home.

Raising your arms arm up in surrender, you reel in your laughter. “No. I mean, maybe—is that blood?”

Your eyes widen when you take in his full appearance. His knees scuffed up and bruised. The cuts don’t look so deep but the blood just keeps gushing. You close the distance between the two of you, squatting down to his level. “Did you trip? The path here is practically flat though.”

“Well if you must know, I’m proficient in the arts of tripping on air,” he laughs at his own joke, something you learn later on to be part of his charm. “But really it’s nothing. It’s my fault for following you. You training for cross country or something?”

You snort. “I wish. I do this for fun.”

Jinyoung’s eyebrows rise up and he looks perfectly astounded. To be honest, even though you ran at least two and a half miles during your runs, you did it all on your own pace. You were probably the slowest runner out there but that wasn’t the point of you running in the first place, so it didn’t bother you too much.

You don’t know exactly what but something within you wants you to push your fingers forward and run them through his hair. It looks divinely soft and for a moment you have to remind yourself that you don’t know him like that. That’s all it takes for you to pull yourself up from your position and stand at your full height. You jump a little to shake the feeling off.

“Wow, aren’t you a ball of energy,” Jinyoung remarks, smiling a little, as he pushes himself off the grass. “In any case, I’m here to extend an offer; an olive branch of sorts.”

“Huh?”

“There’s gonna be a party on Friday at Jackson’s. We—he would like it if you were there.”

“Why?” You furrow your eyebrows but don’t tell him that you don’t know a Jackson unless your puppy at home was taken into account and you were absolutely certain that your dog wasn’t hosting a party, or at least you hoped she wasn’t.

He shrugs, dusting the dirt off his beige hoodie as he grins down at you. You admit to yourself that he is really good looking. In the sort of way that catches you off-guard at first and leaves you stunned the second. His gaze is steady and intense, exuding confidence, so much so that you find yourself taking a few steps back. The sound of your sneakers crunching light twigs fills the air.

Licking his lips he says. “Why not? I don’t think anyone would mind having a really good… runner around all night.”

For a second you stare at him in bemusement and watch as a mortified look wipes across his face. It takes you by surprise how easy it is for you to actually find amusement in almost everything he’s done so far. You don’t remember the last time you laughed as hard as you did that day, the only reason you didn’t end up rolling on the grass was due to consideration of his feelings.

“That sucked, didn’t it?” He winces, closing his eyes and kicking his head up to the sky.

You fold your arms across your chest, snickering a little. “It did. But you get A+ for effort and execution.”

“I didn’t think I’ll get this far through, don’t judge.”

“It happens to the best of us,” you chuckle, shrugging your shoulders in an attempt to seem blasé.

He pops one eye open and the shit-eating grin that envelopes his face is enough for you to pat yourself on the back. He seems relieved that you’re not giving him shit. Your attention is instantly taken by the sun setting behind his frame, tinting the sky an eccentric orange and purple. You smile at how beautiful it looks, it was a good thing to change your route for the first time.

“So, will I be graced with your sparkling personality on Friday or do I need to convince you more?” He breaks you out of your reverie.

You contemplate your answer. One party wouldn’t hurt, besides he was the first person since Seo, that had actually interacted with you since you’d transferred. The least you could do, you decided, was to go to a party. If you didn’t find it even mildly interesting all you had to do was leave and go watch Netflix documentaries at home.

Nodding, you grin at him as you run your fingers through your hair in a pursuit to calm your nerves, but it’s tangled and muggy with sweat. Immediately, you wipe your hands off on the side of your athletic shorts trying not to cringe. Jinyoung stares at you with hilarity. You send him a wry smile as you check the time on your phone. Crap, in a few minutes your mother is going to be off her high-rocker thinking you got lost for the third time that week.

“Guess I’ll see you around,” you say cutting the conversation slightly and hooking your phone back into its arm holder.

Jinyoung’s lips tilt upward as he waves at you in solidarity. After a moment’s hesitation, he says. “Guess I’ll see you in class,” he reaches behind to the nape of his neck and scratches it lithely.

You shake your head, giggling and disentangling your earphones before plugging them back in your ears. You starting the jog back the way you came when you angle your head over your shoulder.

“Don’t die on your way back.”

“And leave you hanging on Friday? Never.” You snort at his response but don’t say anything in response, continuing on your track.

Now that you think about it, you wonder what would’ve happened if he never chased you that night. What if you had run instead of staying? Maybe you wouldn’t be in this situation. Maybe you wouldn’t have so many memories that you had desperately but failed to forget. Shaking your head you bring yourself back to the present. There was no use reliving memories that you should have buried somewhere out of your reach.

Turning your gaze back to the shop in front of you, you wonder if he’s even in there. It had been four months since you’d last stepped foot into Café Vagabond. You weren’t even sure he still worked the morning shift on Tuesday’s anymore. It’ll be a mess if he changed his working hours but you’ll take it as a sign. If he wasn’t here then God was telling you to stop! before you pushed yourself willingly into scalding water.

You didn’t believe clean breakup’s existed. At least you’d never seen it happen. Even if both parties were amicable and free of malice, it did nothing to relieve the tension that sat like a heavy cloud in every discussion. It was like walking on shattered ice, you were sure it’ll melt over with time especially because you and Jinyoung had been good friends before you transpired to become something more, but you couldn’t wait for something you weren’t even sure would happen.

Sighing, you fish your phone out of your coat pocket and check for any new messages. Hours ago you had asked for emergency reassurance from the one group of friends you were sure wouldn’t bullshit you and give you false Hope. Jackson had given you a thumbs up telling you that the worst outcome was Jinyoung being pissed at you for showing up at his workplace. Youngjae, however, didn’t feel the same way. He had explicitly told you that it was public property, therefore, you could do whatever the hell you wanted as long as it was within reason. Seo didn’t really care as long as you came back to the apartment in one piece.

You stand up and begin to pace, your nerves quickly returning just as fast as they had gone. Your thumbs hover over the keypad; ready to type something witty to the group chat about being here an hour early when your phone chimes with a new message.

Jinyoung: You’ve been standing there for thirty minutes. I might be cold hearted but even I wouldn’t want you to freeze to death out there. [1:17 pm]

You stare at your phone like it was the most bizarre thing known to man. In your shock, you had thrown your phone high in the air and have to fumble a bit before you safely catch it in your fingers. You bite your lower lip as you try to calm your racing heart. Despite all the warnings going off in your head telling you to halt and abort the mission, you don’t stop your fingers from typing back a reply.

You: We need to talk. [1:23 pm]

Jinyoung: Ah, doesn’t this give you a strange sense of deja vu? Or is it just me? [1:24 pm]

The temptation to throw your phone across the Atlantic Ocean is overwhelming. He wasn’t going to slow his tide against you. You had ignored all his calls for weeks and his texts for even longer. There was, figuratively, nothing left to talk about. You whipped your head up and stared directly through the glass windows of Café Vagabond. Now that you were sure he could see you, you became more self-conscious than before. From the corner of your eye, you see a group of high schoolers barreling on your path. Side-stepping, you avoid the calamity but even then you’re still in a world of chaos in your head.

You: I know what you’re thinking. Its not that, I swear. [1:26 pm]

Jinyoung: You have no idea what im thinking y/n. [1:26 pm]

You: well whatever it is. I guarantee its not what I want to talk about. [1:28 pm]

Jinyoung: … [1:30 pm]

You could almost feel the unbalance in the air. He wasn’t going to agree to meet you, why would he? He probably wanted nothing to do with you. Since you’d withdrawn from collective activities that included him, you had no reason to talk to him. Pretty much, you were a blip on his radar. All he had to do was ignore you and continue on with his life. You were ashamed but you still hoped he wouldn’t completely disregard you.

Jinyoung: I get off at 2. Do what you want. [1:34 pm]

You take a sigh of relief as you sink back onto your previously occupied bench. The conversation would be awkward, you know that, but at least he didn’t completely shut you down. Deep down you realize that your reasoning for being here isn’t as concrete as you would like. Deep down you realize that maybe you’re just self-indulgent and want a reason to see him. Four months ago you hadn’t been your best self, and no matter how many fictional books you’d read, you’d come to the realization that a significant other could not heal you. You weren’t where you wanted to be. All you were doing was dragging yourself and Jinyoung down. Maybe Jinyoung didn’t mind your attitude or your mental fatigue but you did. You needed time to find the best version of yourself that you wanted. You wish you had explained it all better to Jinyoung but uncharacteristically of you, you were afraid, you were terrified.

You force yourself to stop thinking for the next few minutes till Jinyoung’s shift ended. You just want silence. Peace. You’re tired. Breaking up is tiring and it’s even more exhausting to try and place your friendship back in the equation. You bend your neck and stare at the skies. It looks like the first snow of the season is coming. You pull your beanie tighter around your head. With finals closing in next week, you wonder if this is a good time to approach Jinyoung. Clenching your fist on your lap, you strengthen your purpose. If not now then when?

Time goes faster than you expect. Especially because you’re too busy staring idly at the clouds overhead, squinting your eyes at the wispy horizon, trying to plan your next course of action. How do you even start the conversation? There’s absolutely no proper way to bring it up and before you find a concrete solution, something—someone—stands in front of you; blocking the sun from shining on your face. Your body whips up to attention and you’re looking directly into one of the brownest eyes you’ve ever seen.

You clear your throat to buy time. Fuck, you didn’t think he’d still have such an effect on you. You’d thought, albeit naively, that because of time you wouldn’t feel the same as you always did. Like there were magnets within the two of you that just had to attract. It’s almost as if time never passed, you are here and so is he. You push yourself up from the bench and take a deep breath.

He looks the same and yet not. His hair is still black and wavy across his forehead but he has grown it out, his frame is still tall, graceful, and lithe. He still has that heart-stirring look in his gaze but among that he seems more aloof and detached. You lick your lips anxiously.

“We need to talk,” you repeat. Words and their meaning dying in your throat.

He raises an eyebrow incredulously. “About?”

There’s a tiny pause. Jinyoung hates small talk but that seems to be the only thing your brain is willing to do. “How’s school?” You say as you die a thousand deaths.

“Is that really what you want to talk about?” Jinyoung smiles jeeringly at you.

No. It’s not. You intertwine your fingers together, begging yourself to say what you need to and go.

“It’s nothing serious, honestly. I just…” your voice trails off and you have to remind yourself that Jinyoung is one step away from walking off. “So like, I know we broke up and everything but uh, funny story, I haven’t told my family yet and they just assumed you’d be coming home with me for Christmas and I really don’t know how to tell them and I know this is really really selfish on my part but I can’t bear to break my great grandma’s heart like that, she’ll probably have a heart attack, you know how she is and—”

“Ok.”

“Wait, what?” your eyes bulge out of their sockets. This isn’t… this is not what you are expecting. You are expecting resistance. The wrath of a hundred storms, a simple no, sarcastic silence as he waits for the punchline. But an ‘ok’? You’d never thought of an outcome that came out like this.

Jinyoung sighs as he runs a hand through his hair, messing it up. You see now that he’s still wearing his black employee shirt and a pair of Adidas track pants. He looks, for the most part, disheveled. He cocks his head to the side. “I’m going home for Christmas anyways. Doesn’t help that your mother called me a few days ago to ask if you and I were still coming over because you’ve been ignoring her calls.”

The wrench in your gut twists deeper. “I’m so sorry. If you feel uncomfortable doing this because it might be awkward as hell, I can tell my parents that we’re not together anymore.”

“It’s only awkward if you make it that way [Y/N],” he scoffs, resting his hands on his waist. “Besides, it’s just two days and then you can do the honors of breaking your parent’s hearts.” Jinyoung states simply, like maybe he’s discussing how cold the weather is.

Standing taller, you want to give the illusion that you have it all under control. You’re not freaking out because Jinyoung had covered your unintended lie. You’re not over the fucking moon because even though you came here assuming he won’t give you the light of day, he’s actually giving you more than you bargained for.

“You’d seriously do that? For me?” You can’t help but ask, still in disbelief.

One moment there’s a smile on his face but it’s gone so fast that you think it to be a figment of your imagination. “I don’t know. I’m surprising myself actually, you caught me in a good mood.”

That’s all the reassurance you need. You hope he stays in a good mood for the rest of the week. Maybe you’re still walking on shattered ice but at least now it was somewhat melted. You feel so delighted that you jump a little on the spot. Your heart has calmed down a little now that you’ve gotten the words out.

“Thank you, Thank you so much,” you say, smiling eagerly at him. “I’m very sorry for asking you to do this, Jinyoung.”

It takes a few moments before he answers you and for the first time since you’d seen him that day a smile eases its way onto his face and he doesn’t feel the need to hide it.

“I don’t know if you remember [Y/N], but you’re my best friend. I’d do anything for you.”

The words leave you stunned as the threat of crying becomes a real possibility. Everything you had expected is not happening. He still has such a clasp around you, dragging you through the clouds like it was nothing. Carving a part of your entire being just for him. Somehow you know those words mean something so much deeper than pretending in front of your family for a few hours.

His eyes, as always, hold more weight than you could ever lift. However, this time you want to pour everything you have into lifting it off the ground.

a/n; it would be super cool if people gave me feedback on this! i hope you liked it! thanks for reading x

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