#my brother and i watched bug's life a lot and mom was like ''internalize this. ants outnumber grasshoppers 100 to 1''

[t00thpasteface]

yeah yeah boomers don't get M*A*S*H, but gen-Xers watch that show with their third eye wide open

[mitz-prompts]

prompt: hannigram, baseball AU

so i was rereading some of my old baseball fic and i was thinking about how the really special thing in those fics, that i can't really pull off in other fandoms, is the focus on like... analytical masculinity, and brotherhood. like the way it's so easy for some cis men to be Men, and Brothers, and Relaxed In Their Own Skin, and how interesting it is to write from the perspective of the men for whom it is not easy, but they nevertheless have to pretend it is in order to be accepted by the specific culture they find themselves in (professional sports)

and i started noodling with like... if i had to write an alternate universe where Will and Hannibal were also inside the culture of professional sports, where would i place them?

and how would they respond?

so okay. Will. let's start with Will.

if you put Will Graham in a professional baseball clubhouse, i could definitely squeeze some masculinity angst and homosexual longing out of him.

but i also don't love the idea of him being a player, because i think that playing sports - being physically fit and getting a lot of sun and nutrition and aerobic exercise - would create a way healthier neurological baseline for will graham than what we're used to in canon.

also i think to progress in a team sport, to keep getting promoted from the high school leagues all the way up to the majors, you can't be an antisocial dick 100% of the time. you have to be able to play on a team and people have to like you, to some extent. otherwise you wouldn't make it that far because your team would keep losing and/or people deliberately wouldn't scout you because you'd be too much of a social poison in the clubhouse.

and the idea of will graham actually doing that seemed ludicrous to me

so i scrapped the idea of him being a player

what he COULD do is analytics. he could definitely be the moneyball guy. he could definitely do the math. and he could also have impeccable insights into other teams' players, he could catch on to little things that change the game. he could be hired on as a stats guy and wind up being the guy who can magically clue you into the opposing pitcher's tells.

the question then becomes - how did Will get into baseball in the first place, if he wasn't a player? how did he wind up dedicating his brilliant mind to baseball instead of being a cop or a bug scientist?

enter: dad graham. he wasn't a boatyard mechanic, at least not at first. he was a player

i couldn't decide if he was just in the minors or if he got to the majors... i feel like he would have to be a minor leaguer to establish the poverty angle of will's childhood, but i like the idea of Will getting to see the major league clubhouse as a young kid. maybe dad was briefly a major leaguer but didn't have a notable career.

the point is, will didn't have a mom, and got dragged all around the country by his dad's career, and he LOVED it

will graham was never an athletic kid

and, though he wouldn't know it until later, he was gay. and probably autistic.

and he did not, could not, navigate the rules of masculinity as demonstrated by dad and colleagues. if there were other kids in the clubhouse, will didn't get along with them. he wasn't relaxed like them, he wasn't casual, he wasn't comfortable in his own skin.

he envied what the adult men had

he sorely envied the camaraderie and trust and confidence that he could only mimic but never truly internalize

he grew up watching and watching and watching. and idolizing. and coveting.

maybe he did start to play a little bit, too, but i imagine he got bullied badly in school the few times he did go. or bullied somewhere else. or something. i just want some rude kids to beat him up so bad that it permanently fucks up his shoulder for life. and he has to look at his dad's face after, and know that his dad is disappointed in him somehow. for permanently killing the dream that his only son might play pro ball the way he never could.

so anyway. will's obsessed with baseball and finding his way into the industry because he needs dad's approval one way or another.

dad probably dies at some point. it's very sad. but will's already on this path. he sees pitching stats in his dreams. it's his entire consciousness. it's all he knows how to do.

he's probably in his 20s during the stat revolution in baseball, when moneyball happens and they all realize they can use computers and math to make a team do better. and will becomes a hot commodity. he gets promoted and promoted and scouted by other orgs

maybe he settles in at his dad's favorite major league team. feels like some kind of karmic justice.

so when he's in his late 20s, he starts traveling with the team. since he's the stats guy and he's the secret weapon and he can give tips in real time.

surreal, to be on the airplane with a bunch of young men his same age. they mistake him for a player sometimes, at first. some of the players try to talk to him, give him nicknames. he's not good at it, never has been. but he does catch himself staring at them sometimes. the way they touch each other, like it's no big deal. the way they flirt and tease and shove each other around. the way they jostle and joke and sleep on each other's shoulders and make crude jokes and prank each other.

he wants it, he tastes it salty on his tongue. he gets very well acquainted with his hand. he keeps his head down and wears his glasses and plaid shirts, just far enough on the outside to not get dragged into the clubhouse dynamics he observes from behind the wall of the fishbowl

and then they all stay the same, but will keeps getting older, and before he knows it, he's in his late thirties, and older than every player in that locker room, but it still feels like they're dad's friends, and he still has lurid fantasies where they hold him down and fuck him. But. He's dealing with it.

so that's Will

enter Hannibal

I don't know what the fuck Hannibal's backstory would be to get him to this point; frankly it feels necessary that he would have some sort of childhood trauma informing his entire vibe. but let's pick up with him at age 15 or 16, and he's getting involved in the Japanese leagues

He's obsessed with Baseball.

Well

He's obsessed with hurtling rock-like objects at human beings at high speeds.

Baseball is a sublimation of that obsession and he pursues it gleefully

I think it'd be easier for him to slip his way into the Japanese leagues to start with because I think it'd be easier for him to lie convincingly there

because the culture of baseball in Japan isn't as diametrically opposed to Hannibal's entire aesthetic in quite the way the American baseball culture is

anyway he somehow socially engineers his way into a kinesiology degree, and maybe some pitching coaching

and he's very pleased for many years doing secret things that nobody knows about

flash forward thirty years to him getting hired as head pitching coach on the team that Will works for

i think Will would be fascinated by Hannibal's ability to code switch

He dresses down and acts like one of the guys when he's coaching, you literally would not recognize him. slides much closer to Nigel than Hannibal. but it's all a performance.

Hannibal's whole personality changes if he's speaking to the team owners, or even the team manager

he's a chameleon. he's very comfortable in every situation.

he's one of a kind

and the stats, somehow, SOMEHOW, show Will something absolutely mind-boggling

which is that, somehow, somehow, buried in the data, there's a statistically significant trend suggesting that hannibal is deliberately coaching the pitchers to throw in the top of the zone more often. they're missing at the top of the zone more often than missing at the bottom of the zone. they're getting tired faster. it's completely absurd.

Will tells Jack about this, but the team is having an absolutely blessed season, their record is way over .500, and Jack is entirely uninterested in messing with a good thing.

but this cannot be the secret sauce that's making them win. it's just not possible. this trend means that when the pitchers get tired, they lob one right down mainstreet, instead of burying one in the dirt -- when the pitchers blow up, they blow up bad

but things are smooth sailing despite all that. jack thinks it doesn't matter if hannibal is giving the pitchers bad technique, because hannibal is clearly winning the head game with their confidence, and that's making all of the difference. he starts calling hannibal "dr. lecter" and the players pick it up as well.

will stalks hannibal and pores through the data, blah blah blah, relationship development and tension and AU stuff and romance.

eventually we discover that hannibal's anachronistically gothic library at home is full of manuscripts and artworks and historical tomes about humans being stoned to death

and he's got some kind of like. framed oil painting. of randy johnson murdering that fucking mourning dove with a 100mph fastball

hannibal has sketchbooks full of little drawings of medical diagrams of the human skull. and reparative surgeries.

and basically. basically. hannibal just wants to ply the strings of fate just enough that one day, one day, he'll get to watch someone get murdered by a baseball. he's obsessed with the idea of seeing human brain matter smeared on the backstop.

and will is horrified by this but literally no one believes him, because it's absolutely ridiculous

and eventually hannibal seduces Will, as one does, and they conspire to make the murder pitch even more likely. the end.

also maybe will gets some dick at some point

[foodlesoodlesdoodles]

i would love to know more about ur jjba ocs :D

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ AN EXCUSE TO YAP . GODSPEED BELOVED CITIZEN. FOR SPACING I MAY HAVE TO DO A MULTI PART BUT I THINK ILL START WITH THE OGS. Honestly I wouldn’t mind an input about which one to clarify about,,,,, also Godspeed because you did this anon off which I could never be brave enough to do (positive) OKAY OKAY SO.

The Primary setting is Diamond Is Unbreakable. Featuring my favorite four gay college aged losers.

JOUJIROU HANABUSA is, quite obviously, yet another illegitimate child of a certain old man. 20 years old and studying to become essentially a professional bug researcher? She was actually made separate from the entire groups theming. She’s kindhearted and struggles to stand up for herself or take things serious, as she feels great remorse for who she was previous to college. She used to be a big hothead boy (‼️TRANSFEM BTW) who was the classic archetype of kid having a rough time at home (or at this case, lack thereof as she was in the foster system at a very small age) and took it out on other people. She struggles with feeling like she’s constantly left out or behind, which emphasizes itself when shit kicks into high gear in the story. (AU pictured briefly here where Joseph finds her at 11 and takes her to be apart of the family)

This kind of reputation proceeds her in the small town, and as such she’s become much more withdrawn and introverted. She left for a period of time as to help her adoptive father on business trips. After which, she came across her little half brother after he accidentally bumped into her while she was frozen looking at a millipede on a streetlight. They didn’t like eachother at first! But brother, once the moms found out it was OVER.

Her stand is The Seven Plagues of Egypt, a very odd place for a stand such as this! But that’s sort of her whole point, she’s sort of an echo of someone she never knew and the issues resulting sort of warping her life and behavior forever unintentionally. (Fun fact: she was 11 when the SDC arc happened!) her stand itself is disturbing and odd, manifesting itself not just out of the material it controls (locusts, fire, blood, etc etc) but also her own internal issues.

The stand itself is crazy, but it’s in the hands of a person who never wants to hurt anyone. Her favorite bugs are of course locusts, having certain earrings and a ponytail holder resembling the insect. It’s range is rather questionable, as Seven Plagues did fuck up— Y’know— Egypt. Or at least a wide range. I don’t have an exact number, as it’s very hard to pin down! She sees through the eyes of the locusts, and can pretty much go anywhere with it even though she can’t use her abilities through the bug outside of a certain radius.

Speaking of, as to how she takes damage— a lot of her stand is multiple organisms in hordes, and she often uses these creatures passively. Whether it be one or 30 all hidden around the room to listen and watch. They appear as small cuts on her body whenever they die, which is HIGHLY annoying for her. (and, newsflash: she DOES get headaches from being rattled around in a jar)

(AU pictured briefly here where Joseph finds her at 11 and takes her to be apart of the family part 2) I’ve tried drawing it only a handful of times once before, but I do struggle to capture it in a way I like. I have far better sketches I know I’ve deleted but can find! But I’d rather not accidentally delete all of this as I’m on mobile.

Her SCARRING is something very important, as it actually doesn’t come from her hurting herself! It’s a close call with Yoshikage Kira, and brother she FELL for that damsel in distress act he put up and he GOT her ass. Luckily he was on the run so she didn’t have to worry about any extra shit, but needless to say her persistent belief in the goodwill of others gets her in trouble. (I am totally certain this won’t happen a second time with a pink haired man who has some weird shit goin on)

This is the most RECENT but UNFINISHED mapping of her scars, body and shape. As you can tell I made the center of the blast sort of blister into a star mark. She gets more later, but as of right now we’re focused on part 4 Jouji. This obviously fucked her up big time, destroyed any feel in that side of her body and definitely needed several surgeries, medications and a cane. Her eye technically survived but it’s very piss poor vision on her other side.

She functions poorly in serious social situations, often opting to do bits or try to lighten up the mood. Though she can hold her own close range as well as a regular buff ass 6’6 woman can, she doesn’t often resort to that unless it’s protective. She at least knows how to try her best in situations where people need support or feel isolated, as she knows those kinds of feelings well and tries to befriend people through food and gifts. This is actually why all of her friends came not from college, but from the cafe Norman works at!

LASTLY, she warms up to her new dad rather quickly! She’s an adult, and she tries to reassure him he couldn’t have known she or her brother were born. (“Though, did you HAVE to cheat on your wife? I mean, thanks for the life and all…… but jeez, dude— TWICE? at your age? Damnn….”) she can’t help but wonder if somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows what her mom is like. who she is. She was left alone in Morioh at like 5, and doesn’t remember her twin brother. (And never learns of him until far, far, FAR later.) She just wants to know why she was left behind, and the only one to be. (It was the destructiveness of her stand, and for a assumedly standless mother— it was far too much to handle. So she took the other less exhausting son.)

Though…….. if she were smaller it would NOT be the case.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

By My Side (Part 5)

Summary: The reader has finally hired a replacement manager and after a dinner with her family, she and Jensen confront some underlying feelings...

Masterlist

Pairing: Bodyguard!Jensen x reader

Square: Free Space

Word Count: 3,200ish

Warnings: mature (language, smut (m/f))

A/N: Enjoy!

A/N #2: Written for @spnkinkbingo​

_________

You stretched as you woke the next morning, getting ready for the day of entertaining your family. You bumped into Jensen in the kitchen, a pair of jeans and a simple black henley on him. You smiled but he frowned and you instantly made a face.

“Y/N, don’t turn off your phone ever. It’s a rule, remember?” he said before returning to slurping up his cereal.

“Oh. Sorry. I forgot,” you said.

“Please try not to do it again,” he said. He finished with his bowl and you took the cereal from nearby, pouring yourself some. “Are you deciding on a new manager today?”

“Yeah. I was thinking of that David guy?”

“The british one?”

“No, that was the Mark one. He was scottish I think. I’m not positive,” you said.

“Is David the one that had that intern? The little guy?” he asked.

“Alex? No, he was his just his driver. It doesn’t matter. I was thinking of David. What do you think?”

“Why does it matter what I think?”

“You did full background checks on all of these guys,” you said. “Who do you trust?”

“Honestly?” he asked. “I like Jake.”

“The young one?”

“He lacks the experience of the others but I don’t see him screwing you over. He was a navy cadet in college. Had to drop out due to a knee injury. Him I trust. Not that I don’t the others but I got a good feeling from the kid.”

“I’ll take that into consideration,” you said. He stood and you grabbed the milk, Jensen wiping off his mouth. “Have fun with your sister.”

“She’s got a work thing at the moment but hopefully she wraps up soon and I can take her out for some fun for a bit. I’ll see you tonight,” he said.

“Later, Jay,” you said, getting a wave from him as he walked out. You poured the milk into your bowl and took out your phone, dialing and hearing a ring tone a few times.

“Hello?” the other end answered.

“Hi, Jake? This is Y/N Y/L/N. I was wondering if you were still interested in the manager position? If you are, you are in for a fun first day with that restaurant photo.”

“Mmm. Smells great in here,” hummed Jensen when he walked into the kitchen that evening. Your mom smiled and immediately rushed over, Jensen tensing up as she gave him a hug.

“Mom. Don’t bug Jensen,” you said.

“It’s alright,” he said, noticing your brothers were nowhere to be found. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Y/L/N.”

“Oh his arms are even bigger than you said! He’s handsome too,” she said. You rolled your eyes as you worked over the pot at the stove, Chuck turning around beside you and chuckling. “Jensen, this is my husband, Chuck.”

“Nice to meet you sir,” said Jensen, holding out a hand.

“You know everything about us already, don’t you,” he said as he shook it.

“Pretty much,” said Jensen. “Y/N’s safety is important and knowing about her family is part of that.”

“Well we certainly feel a lot better with her hiring someone. We’ve never been fans of her living alone,” he said.

“Y/N is quite capable. I’m just here to stop those situations from ever happening,” said Jensen.

“You will be joining us to eat, won’t you? Y/N and Chuck are making us dinner,” said your mom.

“That’s very kind of you mam but-”

“I insist,” she said.

“Just let it go Jensen,” you said. “This’ll be done soon if you want to tell the guys.”

Your parents headed outside, Jensen taking up Chuck’s spot beside you and stirring the cooked vegetables in the pan.

“None of them have any idea about the fake kidnapping or anything else, do they.”

“Nope. Nothing besides what happened last night. Michael and Nick know about the manager thing but that’s it. I’d prefer to keep it that way,” you said. The timer went off and Jensen got it, pushing some of the food around with a wooden spoon.

“They won’t hear anything from me,” he said. “Smells delicious.”

“Thanks. How’d it go with your sister?” 

“Good. I need to discuss something with you later after your family is gone for the night.”

“Everything alright?” you asked. 

“We’ll talk about it later,” he said, the back door opening. “Let’s dig in while it’s hot.”

“Jensen,” you said, finding him out by the pool that night, his feet soaking in the water. “My folks and the wonder twins are gone for the night.”

“Wonder twins,” he chuckled. “They act differently when your parents are around.”

“You picked up on that huh.”

“It’s pretty obvious,” he said. You sat beside him and stuck your feet in, Jensen leaning back on his palms. 

“What’s going on big guy?”

“Are you asking as my boss or my friend?”

“Friend,” you said, bumping his shoulder. “What’s up?”

“My sister wasn’t too happy to see big brother on the news nearly getting shot at. She asked me to consider a different line of work,” he said.

“Oh,” you said.

“Yeah. I’m not quitting, just so you know. A random guy running from the cops doesn’t scare me. Only reason I was on the news was cause of you,” he said.

“There’s a but in there somewhere though.”

“No, not really,” he said. “Just wanted to talk to you about it.”

“So there’s no problem.”

“I like when there’s no problems,” he chuckled. “My job is a lot easier when it’s simple like that.”

“You still have your gun on you.”

“Precaution,” he said. He sat up and took it out from behind his back. “You ever shoot one?”

“Pretend but real no, I haven’t. Can I hold it?” you asked. He set it in your hands, watching you look it over for a moment.

“You’ve had gun training,” he said.

“First season went through a lot of that stuff on the show. We get refreshers,” you said. “Colt?”

“Yes it is,” he said. “You use a glock on your show I believe.” 

Your head popped up and he laughed.

“Yes, even I do occasionally watch TV. Nice gun safety. You never leave your finger on the trigger.”

“Not supposed to, even with a fake gun they taught us,” you said. You lifted it up and held it out, finding it to be heavier than the one you were used to. “I like the grip.”

“You’d probably like a smaller Colt, fit your hands better,” he said. You handed it back to him and he tucked it away. “You see where the safety was on it?”

“Yeah?” you said. He reached behind himself and took your hand, guiding it to the back holster. 

“If I can’t use this, grips on the right side. Take it out, flick off the safety, point and squeeze. It’s that simple.”

“I sincerely hope I never have to put that into practice,” you said as he dropped your hand. Your finger brushed against his back, Jensen frozen solid before you pulled away.

“Any day I don’t have to touch it is a good one,” he said, your hand settling back in your lap. “That...tickled was all.”

“Green beans and tickling. You got some funny forms of kryptonite, Ackles,” you said. 

“Beats actual kryptonite,” he said. “Been awhile since I’ve been tickled.”

“I bet you like it. Being able to feel vulnerable and safe with someone.”

“Doesn’t everyone?”

Your feet kicked in the water, a smile growing on your face. He bumped your shoulder and your turned your head. He looked different, a softness about him. 

“Are you happy?” you asked. 

“What?”

“Are you happy? I...I don’t want you to feel like you have to choose this job over other things in life, like a relationship. You can have both, Jensen.”

“I’m lost.”

“I’m just saying...you can have a girlfriend and be my bodyguard. You don’t have to pick one or the other.”

“Girls get jealous,” he said. “In my experience. The hours are crap. The inconsistent schedule. I’m too…”

“Too what?”

“Last girlfriend I had...I can’t believe I’m telling you this.” He rubbed the back of his neck and you lightly nudged his foot in the water. “She thought I was too broken for a normal relationship.”

“What?”

“I should have kept my mouth shut,” he mumbled. He started to stand but you grabbed his arm, Jensen sighing and turning to you. “What? I think she might have had a point.”

“I think that was horrible of her to say and I’m sorry she never saw the real you cause him? He is so not broken.”

“You have this perfect image of me. Strong and capable. Dominant. Alpha. In charge, gives no fucks. That’s the bodyguard. That’s not me.”

“I know. I know Jensen likes being tickled,” you said. He rolled his eyes but you caught his chin, Jensen swallowing. “I know he likes the touch of soft fleece and expensive navy boxer briefs. I know he likes classic rock and sleeping in and likes two cream, one sugar in his coffee. I know he talks to his parents every Thursday night for at least an hour. I know he’s quiet around people he doesn’t know and I know he opens up when he’s well and truly comfortable with someone. I know he’s kind and I know he has nightmares sometimes. I know he can play the piano and guitar and he sings in the shower when he’s happy and he checks on me at night and puts my blankets back on me and doesn’t say a word about it, even when I thought he hated me.”

“You pay attention to me,” he said quietly. “Even though you don’t like me around.”

“I don’t like the bodyguard. He’s okay sometimes but a bit much all the time. But Jensen...him I like. I like him alot.”

“You don’t know what I’ve done. What’s been done to me.”

“You’re not broken, Jensen. I’m never going to believe that so don’t even try.”

He put a hand on the back of your neck, pulling you in close, so close you could feel his breath  on your face. 

“You’re supposed to tell me I’m screwed up. We’re not supposed to be friends. Don’t you understand that?” he said. Your nose pressed against his, green eyes locked on yours.

“I don’t think I’ll ever understand that,” you said. “What do you want?”

“I can’t have what I want,” he breathed out.

“You might be wrong about that. Actually, I’m positive you are,” you said, his hand sliding up a few inches into your hair. “Stop being scared and just tell me what you want.”

He leaned in the last inch between you, gentle lips connecting with yours. He didn’t move for a few seconds, eyes opening when he inched away just slightly. You stared at him and you saw him get the message, another kiss landing on your lips, his free hand sliding around your back. Your arms went over his shoulders, Jensen leaving kitten kisses on you before connecting roughly, giving your whole body a squeeze.

“Bedroom,” you breathed out. He moved back long enough to take his feet out of the water. He hoisted you up and carried you inside, your arms and legs wrapped around him as you returned to kissing him. There was a light scratch from the stubble on his jaw and you tugged on his bottom lip, Jensen pausing as he tried to shut the door behind him with one hand. 

You took the opportunity to tease him, kissing under his jaw while he got the back door shut and locked, his hand slapping the alarm system and the little ping saying it was armed. He arched his neck back and spun around, pushing you up against the wall. You squeezed him tighter, getting gentle bites along your collar bone.

He tore the two of you away and rushed you upstairs, stepping up onto your bed and walking forward on his knees until he could lower you down to your back. His eyes looked darker but playful as he moved up and leaned over you.

“Condom?” he asked.

“I’m on medication,” you said. “You clean?”

“Yeah,” he said.

“Same.”

“Good cause I really don’t think I can wait any longer to do this,” he said. He tore off his shirt and you immediately shot your hands up to his chest, running your fingers down it. 

“You’re so damn hot,” you said. He rolled off the bed and dropped his pants, giving you time to get your shirt off. By the time your head wasn’t covered, you had a perfect view of his ass, creamy and perky. Your bra went off quickly, Jensen turning around and making you pause.

“What?” he asked, glancing down at himself and then you.

“Lucky me,” you said. He smirked and you kicked off your shorts and underwear, Jensen crawling back on the bed and hovering over you. You kissed him and he planted his forearm by your head, his other hand trailing down to your breast. He kneaded the flesh gently, swiping a thumb over the bud and getting a tiny gasp out of you. He teased the same nipple with light touches and twists before working the other one over.

By the time his hand made its way between your folds you were soaking wet already.

“How do you want it?” he murmured against your lips, circling your clit lightly with his thumb.

“Want what?” you asked, arching your hips up into his touch.

“Slow. Fast. What do you like?” he asked, kissing your jaw as your breath hitched. 

“Show me how you’ve imagined this going,” you said. He smiled and you felt the head of his cock brush you folds. He teased the head against your clit a few times before you reached down and were guiding him into your hole.

He was a smidge thicker than you were expecting and his length was perfect, solid, long but not too much. He surprised you by wrapping his arms around you pulling you to sit up on his lap, your legs hanging around his waist. He thrust his hips up and you bit your bottom lip, landing back down on him. He moved again and hit your g-spot, your jaw dropping.

“That’s the spot,” he murmured, kissing you as he started a slow and steady rhythm. You hung on for the ride, his hands on your thighs, thick cock pumping into you over and over and over again. You’d been able to play on your own and hit that spot but never with a guy, never had that low pressure simmering in your core.

God it was going to fucking destroy you when it hit.

You couldn’t wait.

You smiled as your nerves tingled, Jensen kissing you all over, his grip strong but everything else soft and gentle. His hair started to dampen with sweat and and you felt a layer cover your body, the steady pace getting you both closer. 

He was nipping at your shoulder when you rolled your hips, Jensen grunting lowly and burying his face in your neck. That was a sound you could definitely do with more of and you did the motion again, Jensen pushing you onto his cock this time. You both moaned, Jensen’s slow pace picking up just a hair.

You were rolling your hips when his tip pounded inside of you and the low pressure started to explode inside you. You gasped and weren’t even sure what the hell kind of sound you’d made, suddenly aware of hot wetness filling you up. Jensen tensed up and slowly started to stop moving, your breath finally coming back to you as he stilled. He dropped his forehead on your shoulder and panted, your hands running up and down his back, playing with his hair some.

You giggled, Jensen letting out one himself and you swore your heart couldn’t have melted any faster. You picked your head up as he did, giving him a long kiss. He rested his forehead on your own, a smile dancing across his face.

“That was the best sex of my fucking life,” you said. He smiled hard and lowered you back down to the bed, holding up a finger. He pulled out and took a few shaky steps before going into your bathroom. He returned with a washcloth, wiping you clean. He tossed it back in the bathroom before he bent down to his pants. You frowned, Jensen looking back as he unclipped his holster from his belt. He walked it over to the unused nightstand and set it on top before he slid next to you. You pushed the covers back and slid under the sheet together, Jensen rolling you close to him and up against his chest.

“I don’t hookup,” he said.

“Okay,” you said. You shut your eyes and burrowed in a bit closer, Jensen pulling you to use his chest as a pillow. “I really liked that. It was fun.”

“We should do it again sometime,” he said. He turned his head and you smiled, Jensen moving a stray piece of hair away from your cheek. 

“I would be much safer if you slept close by, wouldn’t I?” you asked coyly, Jensen already seeing through it.

“Oh yes, much safer.”

“Maybe you should sleep in here from now on...for safety.”

“In the name of safety, for sure,” he said, kissing your temple. “Real talk for a second. If this is just a hookup for you can you let me now over-”

You put a hand over his mouth and stared at him, slowly moving it away and giving him a kiss.

“I like you, Jensen. I really like you.”

He smiled and took your hand, laying it over his chest so you were holding him.

“Goodnight,” you said, kissing his shoulder.

“Night, Y/N,” he said, lightly dancing his fingers over your hip. “Sleep good.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 6 here!

[toomanyrobins]

October

Summary: Clint Barton, college football star, has a new interest: Y/N Y/L/N. But with her father gone all of the time, a younger brother, and going to college, Y/N has no time for dating. Will Clint get the yes, or will life get in the way?

Pairing: Clint Barton x Reader

Content warning: nothing really yet, occasional cursing, mentions of drinking and sex later

Word Count: 1.9k

Y/N Y/L/N was sitting outside in the quad with her best friend and roommate, Nat, between classes when her phone rang. She dug it out of her bag and answered. Her brother’s school was calling to tell her that Asher was sick. Y/N cursed, she knew the stomach bug was going around and it was going to be a crappy next few days. She asked Nat to send her the notes for the lectures before rushing to her car. In the parking lot, she was digging around trying to find her keys in her purse. She heard her name called and saw Clint Barton and his friends standing around by their cars. He jogged up to her and she could see over his shoulder that they were all watching them. “Where you going?”

Y/N was confused why Clint was talking to her. She rolled her eyes internally at the invasive question. The football team was notorious at their college and she didn’t have time to be one of their flavors of the month. “Places.”

He leaned against the car door, “Are purposefully secretive or does it come naturally?”

“Oh, I’m all natural, Barton,” Y/N jerked on the door handle, knocking him off balance. “Now I have to go. My brother is sick and I have to pick her up.”

“But it’s the middle of the day. Don’t you have class?”

She took a deep breath to keep herself calm. It wasn’t Clint’s fault she felt this way, she was just stressed about Asher, “Look I’m sorry. I wish I had the time to make idle conversation while you decide whether I'm worth sleeping with. But, I don’t. I have a sick kid to get to.” Y/N threw her stuff in the car and peeled out of the school.

Clint walked back over to his friends who had watched the exchange take place. “She looks like your number one fan,” Sam said, laughing at him.

“Oh fuck off. She’s just busy.”

“Looked like she couldn’t wait to get away from you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the three days since she’d got the call, Y/N’s life had been sniffles, cuddles, and soup. Just as she had predicted, a sickly five year old was exhausting for any parent, but for a 20-year-old it was beyond overwhelming. Y/N had just planted him in front of the TV when she heard a knock at the door. She swung it open and was greeted by a familiar face, “Mrs. Barnes! What are you doing here?”

“I’ve told you before, call me Winnie!” She held up a dish, “Anyway, I heard about Asher and thought I’d bring dinner by. This stomach bug has been going around and Rebecca had it last week.”

“Oh, that’s so nice of you. It’s been a hectic three days.”

“Have you called your father, dear?”

Y/N nodded, “I left a message with his assistant, but by the time he got back here they’d be on the mend. I’m almost certain I’ll send them back to school tomorrow.”

“Well, I have to get going anyway and pick up Becca. I’ll see you at the Halloween parade next week?” Y/N nodded and closed the door.

Winnie Barnes was her savior. A single mother who had taken pity on Y/N over a year ago. Three years ago, after another nanny had quit, Y/N had started taking care of her two younger siblings. Her father was rarely home and the women he had impregnated had no interest in raising children. This combination led to a 17-year-old raising a three and four year old all on her own. Last year, Winnie had befriended Y/N and since then she tried her best to offer support. Y/N refused to talk about her father’s absence, but they both knew her father was rarely home. Thankfully, Winnie’s magic had worked again and the next day, both kids were feeling much better and life could return to normal.

Y/N was sitting outside of a coffee shop on campus, the autumn sun warming her. She was transcribing all of the notes she had missed last week, when the chair opposite her became occupied by Clint Barton. He smiled at her, “There’s a party tonight. You should come.”

Y/N barely spared him a glance, keeping her eyes on the paper, “Thanks, but I can’t. I have plans.”

“Plans? What kind of plans?”

She weighed her options and decided that there was only one way to get him to leave her alone, “A date.”

“You have a date?”

Y/N sighed and shut her notebook. “Don’t sound so surprised, Barton, or I’ll think I should be insulted.”

“I didn’t mean it that way. You just don’t seem like the type to casually date is all.” Y/N sighed and closed her notebook. She crossed her arms and just stared at him. “Is there something on my face.”

“No, I’m just trying to figure out what it is about you. You’re so annoying and yet, I don’t have the urge to throw my coffee in your lap.”

“Let’s call that my charm,” the boyish grin that he gave her made her laugh. “Now, why did you reject me last week? I'm obviously not repulsive to you.”

“Reject you? What was there to reject? I don’t remember anything being asked.”

Clint glared playfully at her, “Don’t play stupid, it doesn’t work for you. You know what I was trying to do.”

“Look, Clint, you’re right. I did know what you were trying to do. You’re cute, but I have two young siblings and I’m the only parent they know of.”

“You think I’m cute?”

Y/N laughed, “Of course, that’s what you get out of it.”

Clint smiled at her again, “I hear you, though. I’ll back off, but just know I’m not giving up.” He pushed his chair back and started to walk away, but turned back around, “By the way, you didn’t actually say no.”

----------------------------------------------------------

Clint was in the kitchen with Bucky talking about the party that night. Becca, Bucky’s younger sister, came running into the room, “You can’t go to a party! My Halloween Parade is tonight! You guys promised you would come!”

He crouched down, “How about we go to your show and then the party after. Deal?” He held out his pinky. Becca surveyed him for a second and then held out her finger in agreement. That night, when they got to the school, Winnie was immediately pulled in by friends. Parents chatted away, occasionally asking him and Bucky how their second year of college was going and how working at Stark Industries was. He noticed the woman next to him kept looking around and leaned over, “What are you looking for Mama Win?”

“This lovely girl, Y/N.” Clint perked up at the name, “She’s around your age and usually is at these things. I saw her younger brother, but not her. Oh wait, there she is!” Winnie waved over to the teenager.

Y/N smiled and greeted her, “Sorry, I’m late. The joys of costume emergencies and five-year-olds. It’s a lethal combination.”

Winnie waved away her apologies, “Is your father here?” Y/N was quick to make excuses for her father. She had been doing it for years. The older woman nodded sympathetically, “Oh, well that’s too bad.”

“Yes, he was very disappointed to miss this.” Clint could tell that she was hiding something, but before anything also could be said, they were interrupted by a young boy running up.

“Y/N! Y/N! Carter spilled juice on my dress!”

His classmate plastered a smile on her face, even though Winnie and Clint knew that she was overwhelmed by the chaos, “It’ll be okay. I’ve got a change of clothes for you in my car.”

“Why don’t I take him to the bathroom and get him cleaned up while you run and grab the clothes,” Winnie offered.

Y/N looked relieved, “That would be great. Thank you,” she quickly started to leave the gym.

Clint jogged after her, “I thought you said you had a date tonight.”

“I do. At Pizza Charlie’s. It’s a tradition to take the kids after school events. Plus with trick-or-treating tomorrow, I just don’t have time for frat parties or hangovers.” They stopped in front of the car and Clint looked into the trunk. He saw that her car was made for kids. She had changes of clothes, toys, and snacks.

“This is your car?”

“Yeah,” Y/N was confused, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it just looks like Winnie’s. You weren’t kidding when you told me that stuff earlier.”

“My dad’s pretty busy. So I spend a lot of time with my brother. You learn to be prepared. On another note, what are you doing at a kindergarten spring concert?”

Clint rubbed his neck and blushed, “Winnie’s like a mom to me and Becca is like a little sister. A very persuasive sister who has made it clear to Bucky and I that we are needed at every school event.”

Y/N laughed, “Oh yes, I am very familiar with the persuasiveness of five-year-olds. There is a reason we keep going to Pizza Charlie’s and it is not because I think the food is good.” The duo headed back inside and Y/N headed off to the bathroom, while Clint went back to Bucky.

“Dude, I can not wait to get out of here. People are sending videos of the party set-up and it looks awesome.”

“Yeah, I’m actually thinking of bailing tonight. Practice killed me.”

Bucky stared at the blonde. His blue eyes were like lazors, searching for the truth, “You’re going to Pizza Charlie’s with that Y/N girl aren’t you.”

Clint was so confused, “What the hell, man?”

“I’m psychic,” Bucky laughed at his friend’s face, “No, I’m messing with you. Mom told me she and Becca are going with them after. Figured you had hopped on in hopes of more time with Y/N.”

“You are a truly terrifying person sometimes.”

Winnie and Y/N came back with her sister and sat down with Bucky and Clint. After the concert had ended, Asher sat down on Y/N’s lap while everyone spoke. He looked up at Clint, “Are you Y/N’s boyfriend?”

Y/N choked on the candy she was eating as Bucky roared in laughter, “Ash, what the fuck?”

The little boy pointed at his sister, “That’s a dollar in the jar. And what, he kept staring at you!”

“You can’t just ask people that without some warning.”

“Okay, how do I warn them?”

Y/N was stammering for an answer and Clint decided to help her, “I’m not your sister’s boyfriend. I go to school with her.”

“Do you want to be her boyfriend?”

“Asher Y/L/N, what has gotten into you? Enough.”

The boy was pouting, “I heard Aunt Nat telling you that you needed a boyfriend and that you need to lie down or something. I don't know what laying down has to do with the boyfriend thing, but I thought I’d ask.

The situation was like something out of Y/N’s nightmares. Bucky was in tears from laughing, Clint was trying his best not to laugh, Winnie was trying to get Bucky under control and Y/N just stared at the ceiling, willing the universe to give her strength. Finally, she turned to Asher, “I will give you $5 to end this conversation and never bring it up again.”

“Deal!” Y/N slapped the bill into her brother’s hand and rubbed her temples.

[pagingevilspawn]

Would you please write a fic about alex and jo help their daughter with her homework, they would be kinds cute help them study

cross my heart, hope to die, please stick this pencil in my eye

there’s a reason this took me forever. reason number one, two, and three; proofs. i was unable to write this because of proofs. i got this ask and LIKE A CHILD decided that i wanted to make my fictional characters suffer as much as i did. so once i was done with proofs, i had to write something about proofs, which made me exhausted because i hate even talking about proofs

that made no sense, but here’s this thing that i made. lots of it was my real life monologue, screaming at my computer bc of fucking proofs. enjoy. (also, let’s appreciate the fact that i updated three whole days in a row)

(also, another installment of the “payton loves evan peters too much” series, where i name jolex babies after his AHS characters)

Alex Karev sat in the drivers side of his SUV, making a right onto the upcoming street as he listened to the song playing on the radio. He drummed his fingers along the steering wheel absentmindedly, pulling up to the curbside of James Madison Middle School, waiting patiently in his seat until he heard the five minute warning bell ring.

When the loud bell goes off, he exits the car and makes his way to the other side, learning against the door so his kids would know it was him. Too many parent’s owned black range rovers, and the last thing Alex needed was for either one of his kids to climb into the back seat of some stranger's car. 

He didn’t need to wait long for children to start piling out of the school in large crowds. Middle school was so different from elementary, for his kids at least. He remembers when they would come sprinting out of the building as if their lives depended on it, but now they just casually strolled, no matter how much they liked or disliked school. 

A few minutes later he catches sight of his daughter, who’s eyes light up when she sees him. He wasn’t supposed to pick them up today, the nanny was. But he had gotten off of work early and had insisted with Jo that he be the one to pick up the kids. It was a task he wished he got to do more often. 

“Hey.” his daughter greets him with a smile on her face. He steps aside and lets her enter the side door, where she flops her black backpack on the floor and settles into the seat, pulling out her phone and begins to start scrolling through it. 

“Dad!” he hears another voice exclaim, quickly tracing it to his son, who was currently running to the car, backpack bouncing up and down behind him. The sixth grader moved across the property quickly, greeting his dad with a fist bump before sliding into the back seat.

He closes both of his kids doors before making his way into the driver's side, revving up the car’s engine before he drives down the long block, whatever music his daughter decided on playing through the radio. 

Alex winces when the music begins to blare through the car, “Brynn, turn that crap down would you?”

Brynn’s face looks scandalized. “It’s not crap. It’s art.” she emphasizes, turning it up even louder and screaming the words. (Poor Brynn couldn’t sing, and she knew it)

“I came in like a wreeckingggg ballll I never hit so harddd in loveeee all i wanted was to break your walls all you ever did wre-e-e-ck meee.” she yells, using her phone as a microphone, hair flying around wildly as she moved up and down, side to side in her seat.  

Alex rolls his eyes, unable to hide the smile on his lips. His wife and daughter were too much alike sometimes. He turns the knob himself, sending his daughter a look, silently telling her not to do it again. 

“I think it’s crap. Just like how I think you sound like a dying cat whenever you sing.” his son pipes in from the back, a signature Karev smirk plastered on his lips as he keeps his gaze locked on his phone. 

“Shut up Rory,” she sneers, “Nobody likes you.” 

Rory fakes a laugh, looking back to his phone, and then to the scenery outside his window. They passed house after house until they finally reached their destination, John Quincy Adams Elementary School.

“Wait here,” Alex instructs the two kids, who murmurs their we know’s, more focused on the devices in their hand to the words coming out of his mouth. 

He makes his way to the ‘log cabin’ that sat at the front of the school, giving a friendly smile to the woman sitting at the sign out table, a crappy fold out plastic table that had definitely seen better days. “Faye and Bridgette Karev.” 

The woman slides the forms across the table, handing him a pen. “Sign here and here. I’ll go get them right now.” She stands up from her seat and heads inside to tell the two girls that their father had arrived.

Alex sprawls his messy signature onto the page, huffing before leaning up against the gate. His girls could take anywhere from thirty seconds to five minutes to pack up their things. Luckily today didn’t seem to be the latter, because before he knew it, the two youngest Karev’s came bouncing towards him. 

“Daddy!” “Daddy!” 

The seven year olds gave him a large hug, showing him matching toothless smiles. When Jo and him found out that she was pregnant for a third time, they were overjoyed. They had always wanted more than two kids, but hadn’t really been actively trying. They were excited to expand their family of four into a family of five. When they discovered that she was not carrying not one, but two babies, they were shocked. Jo wasn’t expecting to get pregnant at thirty-nine, much less with twins. Brynn was seven at the time, and Rory was five, so they were worried about how their kids would react when they found out two new babies would be joining the Karev household. 

Rory --surprisingly-- took the news really well. He was excited with the fact that he could have baby brothers. (Oh well. Alex Karev only seemed to make girls, Rory being the one exception.) 

Brynn was a bit more reluctant. She had heard from her friends at school how much babies cried and stole all the attention. She loved both her parent’s equally, but she was a Daddy’s girl through and through. The thought of losing both of her parent’s focus was terrifying. What if her Daddy called her new siblings names like Bug or Princess? Those were her names, and her names only. She couldn’t let the new babies steal her names. 

It took a while, but after multiple long talks and countless acts of reassurance, but Brynn eventually came around to the idea. Before they knew it, Brynn was just as excited for the upcoming babies as they were. Jo was worried throughout her whole pregnancy. Since she was almost forty, she was now considered to have a geriatric pregnancy. Just the word ‘geriatric’ did nothing to soothe any woman’s nerves, but add that to the fact that Jo was a surgeon and knew all the risks of pregnancy, and she was practically a mess the first few months. As it turned out, the twins ended up being her easiest pregnancy, since Brynn decided to make her entrance into the world four weeks early and while she was carrying Rory she had the occasional spotting that terrified her to her core every time, worried that she was miscarrying. 

The twins ended up being born at thirty-five weeks, perfectly healthy. The only thing that gave Jo any trouble at all was the severe morning sickness, which turned out to be all day sickness. 

But in the end it was way more than worth it. Faye was pretty much Jo reincarnated, just like Brynn. Every aspect about her was exactly like her mom. Her hair, her eyes, her face shape, chin. The only thing that she inherited was the Karev crooked grin, which all of their children had. (She didn’t even have a big Karev head when she was born!) 

Bridgette on the other hand, was all Alex, except for the eye color. Between her potty mouth, sassy attitude, and overall appearance, she was the female mini evil-spawn. 

The Evil Spawn Jr, title belonged to Rory, who was basically the male version of Bridgette. Same spunk, same mischievous smirk. Jo was always telling him that she didn’t know what she did to deserve three devil’s in her house. Alex always found that one really funny. 

“You guys got everything?” he questions the two, who nod their heads up and down enthusiastically, skipping to the car and greeting their siblings. 

He drives the twenty-five minutes back to his house, the twins chattering about in the back seat. 

“And then Julie showed her her math problems, and I tried to tell her they were wrong, but she just wouldn’t listen!”

“Tommy was sooo annoying. I kept telling him to stop making noises with his pencil, but he just rolled it back and forth so many times!”

Alex laughs under his breath, listening partially to the twins’s conversation. They sounded exactly like how Cristina and Mer used to rant about completely different things to each other, so it never failed to make him think back to the ‘olden days’ as he and Meredith liked to call them. 

If someone were to tell cocky, intern Alex that he would be happily married to the love of his life for (legally) fifteen years, father of four kids, and lived in a house that literally had a white picket fence on the outside of it, he would’ve sent them to a long term psychiatric care facility, because there was no way he would ever have that life. (A life he always secretly wanted, tucked into the very tiniest corner of his brain so it could never venture farther than a fleeting thought here or there). 

“--We’re here,” he calls out, shutting off the engine as he parks in the driveway, the kids unbuckling their seatbelts and scrambling out of the car, eager to escape the confines of the vehicle and enjoy the peace of their rooms. 

Once all five were inside, he watched as the four children parted ways. “Faye, Bridge, you have thirty minutes of reading down here. Ror, you have that history test you need to study for, and Brynn, you know what you need to do.” he says, his two oldest tromping up the stairs as the twins take their place in the living room on separate seats, already engrossed in the books they needed to read as part of their daily homework assignments. 

Alex lets out a tired sigh as he flops onto the couch, more than tempted to grab the remote from the side table and flick on ESPN, but knew that he couldn’t. As much as the girls loved reading, they got distracted from books really easily. Loud horns, cheers, and buzzers wouldn’t be the way to go if he wanted any work to get done. Instead, he plucks the iPad from the coffee table, picking up where he left off that morning with an online medical article.

Before he knew it, Faye and Bridgette’s timer had rung out and they started on their math homework on the kitchen island, something that they finished with ease. Another trait Alex was grateful the children inherited from Jo, her smarts. (Specifically in math)

“Ugh!” he hears a loud exclaim from upstairs, causing him to look up from the device in his hands and glance towards the steps, half expecting an angry looking Brynn to come storming out at any moment. He huffs, focusing his attention back to the iPad in hand when no mini Jo comes down. 

“No! There are no other ways!”

Another loud groan of frustration. 

“Son of a butthead! There are NO more ways! None! I don't know how the frick to prove that the freakin angle is congruent!”

Alex debates ignoring it and letting his daughter figure it out on his own, that is until he hears something hit a wall. He quickly makes his way up the stairs and to Brynn’s bedroom, standing in the doorway for a few seconds, trying to observe the scene. 

Brynn’s normally pristine room had books scattered on the ground, blankets thrown to the side, and an open notebooks posed at an awkward angle on the floor. 

Well, at least he knew what hit the wall.  

Brynn sat on her bed, literally glaring at her computer screen, partially debating whether or not to throw the expensive device across the room. She didn’t break eye contact, as if she was in a staring contest. Alex wanted to laugh, but he knew a deathly glare would be sent his way if he did. 

He knocks on the wood door, sending a questioning glance Brynn’s way as she finally breaks her stare with the inanimate object. “Everything okay?”

The brunette huffs loudly, bouncing back onto the bed as she lets out a groan. 

“I hate proofs.” she turns her head to look at her dad, Jo’s signature puppy dog face plastered on her features. He couldn’t help but chuckle. It was crazy how much Brynn looked like Jo. Add that onto the fact that she too shared a love for flannels and jeans, she was pretty much what he imagined a fourteen year old Jo to look like. When he first found out that Brynn was going to be a girl, he said to Jo, ‘I’m gonna need a gun.’ 

Luckily, that never happened, partially because of the fact that Alex hated guns and Brynn had yet to have a boyfriend. He was more than thankful for that. Especially since he’d seen couples at Brynn’s school canoodling in what they thought was private, even though they were in full view of everyone. He’d be fine with his not-so-little little girl dating when she was twenty-five, no earlier. Any man before that would not be very fortunate. 

“I’ll help,” Alex says, taking a spot next to her and Brynn begins to show he dad the problems on her screen, going on about how she was struggling to figure it out. 

Shouldn’t be too hard, right?

____

Jo Karev was thrilled when Bailey offered to take over her service for the rest of the day. Her husband had gotten off early, and Bailey knew how much of a struggle it was to spend quality time with family as a surgeon. 

She thanked Bailey so many times she lost count, all while boasting a large smile. She couldn’t remember the last time both she and Alex had been home before five o’clock. All she wanted was to go home, snuggle with her babies, and spend time with her husband. Well, her babies weren’t technically babies anymore, Brynn was fourteen, Rory was nearly twelve, and the twins were seven, but nevertheless, they would always be her babies. (Who cared if Rory was five foot three and already almost as tall as her? He was still such a mommy’s boy.)

She drove home with a smile on her face, humming along to the songs on the radio. She was so happy. She wanted to take her kids in her arms, and watch action movies on the couch while they pigged out on pizza together. 

When she pulls up in the drive she practically bounces up the steps to the house, swinging open the door and dropping her coat carelessly onto the rack. She hadn’t texted Alex to let him know she was coming home early, in hopes to make it a joyful surprise. 

Her heart stopped momentarily at the sound of yelling coming from upstairs. Arguments between Brynn and Alex were few and far between, but when they did happen, they were nasty. Alex always felt like crap for days afterward and Brynn stayed quiet, both at home and at school. 

“Do the reflexive property again!”

“Dad we already did that!”

“Well do it again!”

“Why?!”

“Do you see any other way to do it?”

“How is that going to help!”

“It just is!”

“Dad, we've done the reflexive property five times now!”

“You think I don’t know that!”

“Say that segment DA is congruent to AD.”

“But-”

“There are literally no other fucking ways to do it! It’s fucking shit! Thats what it is!”

“You act as if I didn’t already freakin know that!”

A loud groan. 

“What the fuck even is this one! We’ve managed to do three of them already. Try proving the triangles congruent now. Push random ones, like Side-Angle-Side.” 

“This is crap! ‘You don’t have enough proof to show that the blah blah blah.’ Stupid freaking thing! Freaking worthless!”

Jo is unable to suppress her giggle, clasping a hand over her mouth, trying not to make too much noise. It was a relief to know that the current screaming match going on wasn’t an argument. 

“They’ve been at that for an hour and a half now.” she hears her son pipe in, drawing her attention to where he sat on the couch. 

Jo sets her bag down on the table, greeting her son with a large hug, “Hi bubs.” she mumbles into his hair, feeling his arms wrap back around her. In private, Rory was the biggest cuddler, touchy-feely person you’d ever met, but in front of his friends he tried way too hard to show he was ‘too cool’ for hugging his mom, so Jo took in these moments and held them close to her heart.

“An hour and a half huh?” she chuckles, running a hand through her son’s gelled hair. 

Rory snickers, hazel eyes shining with mischief, “Yeah, dad won’t stop cursing and Tissy just keeps screaming alongside him,” he sits back onto the couch. “I’m surprised neither one of them had lost their voice yet.” he smirks his crooked Karev smirk, focusing his attention on the TV where he had opened up netflix, where he was currently binging Bates Motel. The name ‘Tissy’ came from when he was younger and couldn’t for the life of him say either Brynn nor Sissy. It seemed to have stuck all these years, and he was the only one who ever called his older sister that, even ten years later.

She sees him cringe, “I never called you mother right?” he asks, eyes not leaving the screen, where a certain Norman Bates is practically spooning his own mother in the bed, claiming that he couldn’t sleep. 

Jo snorts, ruffling his hair fondly, “Definitely not. And if you ever do, you’re dead Ror, hear me?”

Rory rolls his eyes playfully, giving his mom a grin. “I won’t. Promise.”

Jo heads up the stairs, the loud yells continuing to echo through the halls, which she chooses to ignore. 

“Dad for the fiftieth freaking time-”

“--What’s going on here?” Jo questions, causing both her husband and daughter to break away their concentration from the computer screen. 

Brynn’s face lights up at the sight of her mom standing in the doorway, more than thankful to have someone who actually knew stuff help her with her math. “Mom!” she exclaims, getting up from her place on the bed to give her mother a hug. 

“Hey baby. Care to explain to me why the second I walk through the door I'm greeted with screaming?” She questions, eyebrows raised as she sees Alex sheepishly avoid eye contact, suddenly finding the pictures that hung on the wall very interesting. 

Brynn smirks, “Well, Dad sucks at math so-”

“--Hey!” Alex interrupts, crossing his arms over his chest. “I haven’t done this crap in like thirty years!” He defends himself.

Jo rolls her eyes and smiles of her own gracing her lips as she reaches the bed and takes a look at the problems on the computer. “Proofs?” she asks from confirmation, earning a nod from her husband and daughter. 

She hums, “Given: segment CA bisects angle BAD and segment CA bisects BCD. Prove: triangle ABC is congruent to triangle ADC.” she murmurs to herself.

The brunette laughs when she sees the fact that the pair had put down some form of the ‘reflexive property’ not one, not two, but seven times.

She grins triumphantly as she remembers how to do the problem, the skills seemingly coming back to her after years of them being dormant. “Next statement is angle BCA is congruent to DCA because…” she scrolls through the possible options the box provided, smirking when she found the right one. “An angle bisector divides an angle into two congruent angles.”  

She watches as an angle pops up on the screen, only encouraging her to continue, “Then… angle DAC is congruent to angle BAC because an angle bisector divides an angle into two congruent angles.” 

Another angle comes up. 

“Finally,” she smirks, glancing to the side of for a brief second to take in the draw dropped stares of the two behind her. Brynn was a whiz at math like her mom, but proofs was something she’d been struggling with since they’d started learning them yesterday. Geometry was no joke. Her and her dad had already gotten almost all of the problems done, but it had taken so long to do a few measly problems that they’d lost track of just how long they'd been sitting in the room, arguing back and forth over different possibilities to try. 

“Triangle ABC is congruent to triangle ADC, reason being Angle-Side-Angle.” 

She grins, wiping her hands together as she hits the submit button, a large green check with a correct! floating on the screen, going over the ways to solve the problem. 

Alex glares at her. He’d been working on these fucking proofs for so long now, and Jo just comes in and completes it in less than a minute?

“I hate you.” he gruffs, still glaring at both his wife and the computer. 

Jo giggles, leaning over and pecking her husband’s lips. “Love you too.” 

She begins to walk out of the room, stopping and calling out over her shoulder as she reaches the doorway, “Now you just need to make sure the twins did their homework!”

[olivia200312]

You're Not Alone~ RID2015! Optimus x Depressed! Human! Reader

Plot: Y/N's grandfather passed away and Y/N is very depressed. She's not eating and sleeps less but Optimus comes to the rescue.

My grandfather sadly passed on February 5th. The news hit me like a truck. I never felt that much pain in my life. I nearly landed in the hospital from not eating enough.

Note: the art goes to the owner!

Head area:

Brain: Processor / Brain Module

Head: Helm

Face: Face plate

Ears: Audio receptors / Receptor Orifice / Audials

Nose: Enstril / Olfactory Sensor

Eye brow: Optical Ridge

Eyes: Optics

Mouth: Intake

Lips: Dermas

Teeth: Denta/Dentas

Tongue: Glossa

Chest area:

Chest: Chassis / Thoraxal Cavity

Back: Hexa-Lateral Scapula

Spine: Bipedalism cord / Back Strut

Chest and back armour:

Chest plate

Back plate

Mid-section plating

Neck guard

Side plating

Arm area:

Arms: Arms / Restarlueus

Forearms: Bitarlueus

Hands: Servos

Fingers: Digits

Arm armour:

Gantlets

Shoulder pads

Arm guard

Lower area:

Pelvis: Pelvis

Butt: Aft / Skid-Plate

Thighs: Tibulen

Calves: Cadulen

Feet: Pedes - the high heel bits are called Struts or Heel Struts.

Lower armour:

Skirt plates

Aft plate / Skid plate

Thigh guard

Ankle guard

General/Internal components:

Muscles: Cables / Pistons - It depends on the area in question.

Veins: Fual lines

Stomach: Tanks

Lungs: Vents - used to stop the con/bot from over heating.

Heart: Spark

Tattoos: D-con/A-bot Insignias and the lark

T-Cog: The thing that allows all Cybertronians to transform, be that their arms or their whole body.

Bonus:

Penis: Spike

Vagina: Valve

Body: Frame

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Today was a depressing day for the young Y/N. You may ask why a depressing day and what happened? Her grandfather sadly passed away. The news hit her like a truck. For years, no one of her family members died until she's a young adult. She was just keeping herself busy in her room, her house until she got a phone call from her mother. She got the devastating news. She dropped her phone and cried a lot.

When a few days passed by, she didn't show up at the scrapyard like she usually does. Everyone there got very worried about her. Y/N won't pick up her phone whenever they called. She even got a lack of sleep and refused to eat. She then showed some symptoms from not eating anything like headaches and dizziness. She laid for hours on her bed.

At the scrapyard~

Optimus is the leader of the Autobots and he's a mentor to Bumblebee. He's helping the scout (or now warrior) how to be a good leader to his own team, The Bee Team. Optimus is a leader for kilocycles (years). He knows exactly how it feels to be a leader when he/she is struggling to control the team. When Team Prime was together at the time, he had times and moments where he loses it. One very clear memorable clip is where Starscream escaped with Omega Keys.

Y/N is his sparkmate for a long time. They love each other to death. They're even connected to each other! He became anxious when he didn't saw Y/N for a few days. She visits the scrapyard every day. He understands when she doesn't appear for a day or two but almost a week passed by. He knew that something was wrong... but what? Everyone got the answer why.

"Everyone, I got very sad news." Denny walked to the bots and Russel while holding his phone. He had a sad expression.

"What is it, Denny?" Bumblebee asked worriedly.

"Y/N's grandfather... passed away. That's why she didn't show up."

Everyone looked shocked. Some of them looked sad while others looked with sympathy. Y/N's grandpa was an old man and he did have problems with his heart his whole life. He had to take medicine and take it easy. He did have a couple of heart attacks but he's immediately saved at the hospital.

Years later, his health got worse, including his living conditions...

Optimus looked very sad and with sympathy. His poor sweetspark. He had no idea that she's suffering... He knew what he had to do. He transformed into his famous semi-truck form and drove off. The others knew what he's doing so no one stopped him.

With Y/N~

Y/N was just crying on her bed while holding a photo of her grandfather and herself when she was a baby, taking her first steps. It is a very important memory of hers. She feels guilty for not telling sooner to others like why she hasn't shown up and what's bothering her. She couldn't help it. She feels weak a lot and hasn't left her bed in hours. She does drink water at least.

She didn't hear footsteps quietly to her. She cried harder due to the memories of her grandfather but she gasped and yelped when she felt servos on her. She struggled but she quickly calmed down when Optimus shushed her and comforted her.

Y/N looks over her shoulder slightly and cried. "O-Optimus..."

"Shhh... I'm here, my sweetspark. I'm here." His voice was so soft, soothing, gentle, and comforting that you could get lost.

Y/N whimpered, sobbed, and cried softly. She felt Optimus pulling her into his arms. That caused her to have a melting breakdown against his chassis. She was also shaking. Optimus tried his best to calm his mate down. He felt very broken when his previous mate, Elita-One, previously known as Ariel, got offlined by Megatron, who was once like a brother to him. Optimus didn't show emotion after Elita died. He just had to be a darn leader and not show any weaknesses. It was extremely hard for him. He learned to move on but seeing his mate suffering in pain, he felt sad. "Please try to calm down, my dear."

"I... I c-can't. I-It's just..."

"I know, sweetspark. Shhhh..." Optimus shushed her and continues to comfort her.

Y/N just let her feelings out. She continues to cry hard until she felt no more tears were rolling out. Optimus was there the whole time. He comforted her, soothed her, shushed her, caressed her, held her, and even whispered sweet things into her ear. He gently pulled away (while still holding her) in order to face her with care and love. "How did your grandsire passed away, sweetsprak?"

Y/N breathed due to crying hard. She knew that he's not forcing or pushing her to tell. She can already tell and see it in his optics. "I-It just... happen suddenly. H-He just stopped eating and drinking. He... refused. H-He also... got another heart attack. He n-never... woke up."

Optimus looks with pure sympathy. A lot of old people rather die peacefully in their sleep than by disease. In fact, dying in your sleep is painless because you don't feel anything. When someone is dead, then what will happen to the body? Well, Y/N's grandfather wants his body to be... cremated. Cremation. Or maybe these words will understand you more: it's where the body is burned until the dust is left. Y/N's grandfather doesn't want bugs to eat his body so the family granted his wish. When the dust is left, then it will go in a beautiful vase and stay there forever. The vase can go to the funeral or either at your home. When the body is buried in the coffin, then it can take like 100 years for the body to be a full skeleton. Skeletons can also be dust and the only thing that will remain is teeth. No kidding.

Optimus wiped Y/N's tears away with his digits. "Did you eat anything? When I look at you at your body language and read your expression, you didn't have enough of recharge."

Y/N truthfully shook her head no. "N-No... I just... couldn't. I did had headaches and felt dizziness."

Optimus sighed and cupped her face gently and looked deep into her eyes. "Please eat and get enough recharge, sweetspark. It happened to me too after I lost Elita. Ratchet warned me to eat and get enough rest or else he'll force me to go to the hospital where they'll feed me and put me to sleep. I... I can't bear losing you."

Y/N went quiet. So, her lover went through the same with Ratchet's warning? He is a doctor after all and it means that he knows everything about conditions like Y/N is suffering right now.

Optimus kissed her cheek lovely. "You're not alone, sweetsprak. We're here for you, including your grandsire in your human spark."

Y/N couldn't help but snuggle up to Optimus, who gladly held her and started to rub her back to make her go to sleep at ease. He also massaged her scalp on her head since it's like every woman's weakness to go to sleep or relax. She finally closed her eyes and fell asleep. Optimus watched over her and he made sure that she went back on her feet.

I nearly landed in the hospital because of a lack of sleep and not eating enough. My mom warned me to start getting enough rest and eat a lot or else I'll have to go to the hospital.

[leerongrong]

Model!Renjun -

part of the NCT DREAM living the Y/N life collection.

okay first of all lemme introduce y’all to renjun

full name: huang renjun

age: 20 [international]

height: 173cm

renjun’s a chinese boi with lots of passion and spunk

the kid’s got a sharp tongue but his parents love him for it

always stays in school

good grades

teachers pet

imagine his mom’s surprise when he told her that he wanted to be an actor at 13yrs old

one based in korea no less

his parents went cray cray

“you don’t even know any korean”

“mom, i can learn.”

brushes up on his korean every single day

goes to google translate and watches youtube videos until late at night

he wants to be a model, so a model he will become.

works part time jobs on the side

earns little bits of money so he can start up his own life

his parents are scared but proud

fast forward to when junie hits 16

the boy packs his bags

collects his money

hugs his parents goodbye

he promises to call everyday

and flies to korea all alone

iMAGINE his surprise

when all the korean he learned becomes useless once he gets there

people not understanding a single thing he says

his chinese accent’s too thick

poor boy doesn’t know what to do

he isn’t going to call his parents,, he aint gonna hurt his pride

lives in his own little apartment

he has little to no friends bcs of his accent

which is getting better with time

he’s wandering around at night,, exploring the han river alone

when someone taps on his shoulder

boy was ready to throw hands

and when the stranger explains he’s from SM

renjun got bug eyed

they wanted to scout him?? to be an actor??

that’s his dream come true!

that night he called his parents,, they supported him all the way

fell asleep with a little smile on his face

he debuted at the ripe age of 18

and now, at 20, renjun’s a well known actor in korea

snagging roles here and there both as the main and the lead

girls falling at his feet bcs of the characters he portrays

the boy got the recognition he wanted

his trophy case is filling up

just like tonight,, people are expecting him to bag an actor of the year award

that’s where you come in

you’re a top idol

blackpink’s 5th member and maknae to be exact

rap prodigy and dance extraordinaire

trainee for 5 years and highly anticipated by GD himself

you and your group are performing tonight in front of all these highly acclaimed actors and actresses and you. are. stressed.

rose and lisa are calming you down

jennie and jisoo reminding you about the last minute changes

your heart’s beating fast but you push through and go onto stage when your manager give the queue

renjun tries his best to not look bored

but award shows like this aren’t his style

he enjoys the complex cinematography and appreciates his seniors

but he isn’t much for rigged award shows

he’s smart enough to know who’s going to win tonight based on netizen’s views

he’s talking to one of his seniors when you show up on stage

he knows the song, he listens to your group songs on the radio but he’s never seen the performances

renjun’s favorite part is coming up

its your part

renjun’s shocked to say the least after seeing you rap

the dashing lights,, backing vocals,, background images

and your dangerous smile at the camera that almost made him drop his drink

boy has to stop staring at you on the stage

boy has to cover his grin the whole performance

which proved useless when multiple of his colleagues asked him about it

“i’m just a little nervous.”

he’s a terrible liar and he knows it, he’s sure the people around him knows it too

people pointed out that he didn’t even smile that hard when he won actor of the year

when he gets home renjun searches for you and watches all your performances,, he wont admit it but hes got a littttllleee crush on you now

time skip a few months

you’ve got your own solo activities after releasing a whole solo album

which renjun streamed the heck out of

hitting number 1 in multiple countries and the mv reached 100M in an insanely fast amount of time renjun helped w that

knowing brothers is a delight to go to

the cast and all around crew are so helpful and funny you don’t feel scared or think you’ll mess up-

that is until you find out renjun’s there

you’re trying to keep a calm exterior and facade its not as if your favorite actor and celebrity crush is standing next to you and whoops, look he is!

you’re trying not to melt when you realize the cameras and screens don’t do him justice- you swear he looks 10 times more handsome than what you’re used to seeing

while renjun’s not sure if he should laugh or cry or maybe both because the person he’s been into is right there standing next to him

and he’s completely in awe because you’re nothing like your stage persona

he’s so used to watching you be savage but here you’re cute and giggly and all renjun wants is to squish you

so the both of you started out shy but are SNARKY and the mcs LOVE it

hodong and su-geun are having the time of their lives entertaining the both of you

both men laughing their butts off when renjun call’s sangmin out

janghoon’s lowkey scared of renjun

the atmosphere’s fun and laughter is all around until heechul tries to bring out one of your past dating scandals

“so, y/n i heard you were dating fellow actor park seo jun?”

and you freeze

people have always brought it up to your face but you’ve always had the girls to support you and have your back

and you don’t know what to do until renjun saves your ass

“heechul hyung, do you really want me to open up my mouth about your dating history?”

and you don’t think you’ve ever seen anyone shut heechul up so quickly

so you make a quick mental note to thank renjun privately

you and renjun make the PERFECT team

and later, when you let it slip that his drama is one of your favorites?

renjun goes red

and he purposely lets it slip that he’s a big fan of you too

which have heechul and sugeun smirking because they KNOW what’s gonna happen soon

after the shoot ends you remind yourself to thank renjun for saving your career, pushing away all the nerves to go and talk to him

“renjun, i wanted to thank you so much for shutting him up back there. i would’ve lost my career if it weren’t for you.”

renjun’s reminding himself to stay cool and not freak out while he smiles at you

“it’s fine. someone needs to shut him up once in a while.”

you treat renjun to a cafe nearby as a thank you,  coincidentally where a blink snaps a photo of you two and spreads it like wild fire

lets just say the relationship escalates real quick from that point on.

[aboutcaseyaffleck]

Actor Casey Affleck Reflects On The Past And 'The World To Come'

The last time I saw Casey Affleck was after an 8:30 a.m. Sundance Film Festival screening of “Manchester by the Sea,” which left my colleagues and I so emotionally drained we were pretty much useless for the rest of the day. Affleck finds this very funny. “Oh man, that’s awesome,” he laughs. “That was a tough screening. At Sundance I’m usually just going to sleep at 8 a.m.” We’re talking on the phone a few days after the festival’s virtual premiere of his latest movie, “The World to Come,” which made its Sundance debut last month under very different circumstances. “It’s so strange doing these things sitting in front of your computer,” he sighs.

Directed by Mona Fastvold, “The World to Come” is a powerful period piece about a forbidden love affair between pioneer women played by Katherine Waterston and Vanessa Kirby, set in upstate New York during the early months of 1856. Affleck produced the picture, in which he plays a supporting role as Waterston’s uncomprehending husband, and he did his best to soldier through a crowded Zoom Q&A after the Sundance screening, with results pleasant enough, but nonetheless missing that in-person festival magic. “I used to love going to film festivals and talking to journalists and seeing all the movies and talking to other filmmakers,” he laments. “Sitting here alone in a little office in my house is such a drag. But it was nice to know that the movie was getting seen, at least.”

While big brother Ben plays Batman in studio pictures, Casey has exhibited a restless independent streak ever since he was a student at Cambridge Rindge and Latin School. (Our ninth-grade classes competed against each other in the Mass. High School Drama Guild Competition. His won, perhaps unsurprisingly.) A longtime friend of the Brattle Theatre and former creative advisor for the Independent Film Festival Boston, the younger Affleck has always seemed more at home in indies. Not a lot of actors would follow an Oscar-winning role in “Manchester by the Sea” with a microbudget art film like “A Ghost Story.” But then his internalized, minimalist acting style is often at odds with the concerns of contemporary blockbusters. There’s a weird dissonance watching something like Disney’s hokey Chatham sea adventure “The Finest Hours,” with Affleck going full Montgomery Clift while surrounded by CGI silliness.

“The World to Come” is the most ambitious project yet from Affleck’s Sea Change Media, which partnered with Pamela Koffler and Christine Vachon’s legendary NYC indie institution Killer Films for the arduous production that began with a conversation between Affleck and novelist Ron Hansen nearly a decade ago. “When I did ‘The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford’ I got to know Ron Hansen, just because I loved the book so much. Ron has a very unique talent for writing 19th century language. He’s just from another era. I asked him if he had something he wanted to work on together, and I thought he would send me one of his things. Instead, he sent me this story by Jim Shepard. It was beautiful. I said, why don’t you and Jim write the script? And they took about six years, but it came together beautifully. Good things come to those who wait, I guess.”

The film eventually shot in Romania with a break built into the schedule to accommodate the changing seasons that are so crucial to the movie’s rugged, outdoor textures. “We were way out in Transylvania, out in the mountains,” Affleck explains. “We were just in some valley and they built a couple of farmhouses. I like being far away in a new place. It makes you feel outside of your life. And I love working in weather. There are so many aspects of moviemaking that are artificial, but when there’s extreme weather, it’s real. I did this Disney movie about a boat rescue, and it was, like, December in friggin’ Quincy and they were just soaking us with water every single take. There’s not a lot that you have to quote-unquote act. You’re just standing there, teeth-chattering, shivering, just being.” This reminds me of the scene in “Manchester” when he and Lucas Hedges have an argument walking in the blistering cold and can’t remember where they parked. “I forgot about that one,” he laughs.

I’d never say so on the phone, but I consider Affleck’s performance as Lee Chandler in “Manchester by the Sea” among the finest I’ve seen in my 22 years of reviewing films, worthy of discussion alongside Brando’s Terry Malloy in “On the Waterfront” in its aching, inchoate longing. Lee holds his grief somewhere very private and dear, as if to begin to forgive himself would be an act of betrayal. The movie nails a gruff, emotional constipation popular among men of a certain stripe, especially in New England. (My mother offered my favorite review of the film: “Why don’t they just talk to each other? Jesus, this is like watching you and your father.”) Words don’t come easily to most of Affleck’s movie characters, but he chafes at the description of them as inarticulate. “It’s funny, I find the characters in ‘Manchester’ to be sometimes very articulate,” he argues. “There’s misunderstandings, but they end up communicating what’s inside.”

“The World to Come” is rife with such mixed signals and miscommunications, about which co-star Katherine Waterston raved during the Zoom Q&A after the Sundance screening. “It was so much fun to play the scenes with Casey,” she said. “A lot of these scenes are written as dances, where somebody tries to reach out and engage and they’re misunderstood. Inarticulacy is a very interesting thing to see in film. The failed attempts. Failed communications. It’s actually fun to play those things. You don’t know what the other person’s going to throw at you. It keeps it really alive on set. Mona and I felt if we had the money we could have kept shooting this thing for months, because the scenes were so much fun to explore.”

Affleck agrees. “When Katherine’s character writes in her journal or she starts talking to Vanessa, they have this beautiful, expressive way of speaking to each other,” he enthuses, whereas his character “says what he’s gotta say in as few words as possible. He’s very brusque and curt, which I enjoyed. The way that he talks is the communication equivalent when he gives her a birthday gift of sardines and a tin of raisins.”

Indeed, her increasingly florid diary entries — originally intended as a ledger to keep track of the farm’s monthly expenses — become the heartbeat of the film, providing an emotional release otherwise suppressed by the rigid formality of the era and the ugly drudgery of day-to-day farm life. “The World to Come” is ultimately a movie about the need to share our stories, and how through telling them we make sense of ourselves. As producer Koffler explains in the press notes, “Part of the film’s vision is to dramatize a very basic human impulse: to create, to connect, to say ‘I was here, and I mattered.’”

This has become a recurring theme in Affleck’s recent work. In 2019, he wrote, directed and starred in “Light of My Life,” a little-seen but strikingly tense post-apocalyptic road movie about a father and daughter hiding out in the wilderness after a pandemic has wiped out most of the women in the world. The film begins with Affleck telling the little girl a bedtime story that runs almost 13 minutes and sneakily sets up the movie’s major themes. Then in last month’s well-acted but regrettably soggy “Our Friend,” he starred as real-life journalist Matthew Teague, whose soul-baring Esquire story about his wife’s struggle with cancer became a national phenomenon.

“Matt Teague wrote that article and then wanted it made into a movie as his way of processing everything that had happened,” the actor elaborates. “You transform pain into other things as you go through life. That was all him working through it. I like stories about storytellers and I like stories within stories. Obviously, I wrote and directed a movie that starts with a 12-minute bedtime story. I love that. I know that other people don’t love it as much as I do, so I have to be careful about it.”

That kind of love led to last summer’s “Stories From Tomorrow,” a project initiated during lockdown by Affleck and his schoolteacher mom Christine, encouraging children to send in poems and short stories to be read on social media by celebrities like Matt Damon and Jon Hamm, as well as his “The World to Come” co-stars Waterston and Kirby. “That was something I started out at the very beginning of the quarantine as a small project to encourage kids to write creatively, because I know it can be a great way of processing anxiety and working through feelings that you aren’t really talking about or aren’t aware that you’re having. It wasn’t something I thought would go on forever; once the kids are back in school that ought to be where they should be doing all that kind of work. But while they were sitting at home, I thought it would be a good way to get their attention off the awful news and into something more imaginative. And I also got a chance to read all these super-cool stories! Really creative stuff that kids sent from all around the world.”

Finally, as a Boston publication it would be dereliction of duty not to mention the hysterical Dunkin Donuts commercial parody from when Affleck hosted “Saturday Night Live” in 2016, so dead-on in its depiction of a local 'regulah customah' that on one of my critics’ poll ballots that year I tried to nominate the sketch for Best Documentary. Alas, the performer shoots down a pet theory I’ve been hanging onto ever since, that the dirtbag Boston guy in the Bruins hat is secretly a grown-up version of Affleck’s scene stealing, bug-swallowing Morgan from “Good Will Hunting.”

“I hadn’t thought about that, dude. That’s really funny. It never crossed my mind." He pauses before confiding, "I wasn’t that great on SNL… I just wasn’t all that funny on the skits, because it’s live and you’re reading the cue cards and it was my first time. But when we went to make that little pre-recorded short film of the Dunkin’ Donuts ad, I really felt like that was my wheelhouse there. I could’ve played that character in a movie. I could have gone to work and played him every single day, and I would have had a blast. That was really fun to do. I would love to do another one of those. That would be funny to see that character again.”

I bet that guy’s got some stories.

“The World To Come” is now in theaters and will be available via video on demand Tuesday, March 2.

[source]

[tracybirds]

Venom Rewrite Part Three

Next part you will need to wait for because I am going to be out this evening :P But tomorrow is a public holiday so writing time *rubs hands together* Hope you enjoy!

Read previous parts: [1] | [2]

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They’d managed to transfer Virgil to the medbay forty-five minutes after the initial bite. Gordon had been hyper-aware of any movement on his skin, freezing several times as his brain imagined the prickle of spiders walking up and down his back, his arms, his legs. Even in the medbay, Gordon could feel them crawling over his skin and he shuddered. Gordon sat by his side, holding his hand and squeezing it every couple of minutes to check his brother’s responsiveness. His other arm was in sling, the initial bandage replaced with a broad pressure bandage that was hopefully slowing the spread of the poison.

“How’s he doing?” asked Furnier, who Gordon noticed had discarded his tinfoil blanket. Well, bully for him, he had higher priority patients now.

“He’s in a lot of pain,” he said, staring at determinedly at Virgil’s face. “His heart rate is still at 135 bpm and last I checked, his LogMAR vision acuity was at 0.80.”

His heart clenched as Virgil let out another gasping moan beside him.

“I’m still here, Virg,” he whispered, squeezing the hand again. He could feel the faint pressure of Virgil’s response and breathed slightly easier for it.

“That’s not good then?”

“Gotta be real honest, Doc, it’s not amazing.”

Furnier nodded, looking troubled. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more,” he said quietly. “After all you did for me too.”

“Hey, no,” said Gordon in a steady voice. He looked up at Furnier, who looked almost sick with anxiety. “We do this job eyes open, we know the risks. I know no matter what happens, Virgil would be so happy that you’re safe.”

Gordon always found it hard to talk to people about the reality of their job. He didn’t thrive on the danger and adrenaline like Scott did, couldn’t see every situation as a challenge like Virgil. People didn’t want to hear about the sadness, the terror, and the sacrifice that came with the life he had chosen, only the tales of courage and adventure escaping death with a laugh on his face. Gordon was struggling to tell those stories now, his own near-death experience too fresh in his mind and in his body to charm people as he used to. And now, even worse, he knew exactly what it felt on the other side, to watch a brother slowly slipping away, powerless to prevent his pain.

“Will he be alright?”

Gordon shrugged helplessly and bent down to clean the drool that was sliding past his brother’s chin. His eyes were screwed up tightly as he fought through another wave of pain.

“Where is it now, Virg?”

“Still my arm,” he gasped. “Feels kind of tight too.” Gordon could see the way his hand was swelling beneath the bandages and grimly added another check to the list of symptoms he had pulled up next to him.

“He’s still only presenting local symptoms, that’s one good thing. He’s heavy, that’s another,” he said, poking Virgil in the shoulder. He yelped as Virgil screwed up his face and his hand was suddenly caught in a vice grip. “Shut up Virg, you know it’s true.”

“Anyway,” he said, turning back to Furnier. “His mass is working in his favour. It would take more of the venom to kill him than it would any of the rest of us. If that thing had bitten me, I’d probably be dead already.”

“We need the antivenom then?”

“The antivenom will take care of the symptoms in a much shorter time than his body can. It can bind with the venom, stop it from messing with his cells and putting his body so much stress that it can’t repair itself. We need that antivenom all right.”

“She’ll get there right?”

“Course she will,” said Gordon softly, blinking back tears as he looked over at the screen showing Kayo’s position. “And anyway, she’s not alone.” A new signal had popped up, hovering above the Dragonfly, a signal that brought a wistful smile to Gordon’s face. Although he was grateful Kayo had help in her task, he just wanted his big brother to be here.

***

Kayo heard Scott before she saw him and chewed on her lip as she looked up anxiously at the sky. Gordon had given her a heads up that Scott was on his way, and she wasn’t surprised that he had decided to help her instead of rushing to Virgil’s side. It was the same reason that she had volunteered to leave the group, the desperate need to do something, anything, of significance to help the situation at hand. Scott needed to help, was driven into action by the fear of tragedy. He wouldn’t bear to face his brothers with no solution to their cry for help. And so Scott was here.

She unlocked the exterior doors to the Dragonfly and Scott flew inside. She didn’t go back to meet him, not wanting to see where Virgil had lain, arm muscles beginning to spasm and sweat pouring down his face as the venom worked its way through his system, attacking his nerve endings. More terrifying was the way he had hardly uttered a sound, holding in his cries as best he could in an effort to spare her and Gordon the worry. It hadn’t worked.

“Good to see you Scott,” she said when he entered the cockpit, laying his jetpack to one side.

“How is he?”

Kayo shook her head. “We have to move fast.”

“Is there any chance he’ll make it without the antivenom?”

Kayo hesitated. Scott’s voice was small, but more than that he looked small too. She had never known Scott as a child before, but suddenly she could picture the way he must had approached his Dad, his Mom even, to ask them about the scary monsters in the world. She wondered if that had been where he’d first learnt to fight them.

“It’s bad enough that he needs the antivenom,” she said eventually. “That already makes this a medical emergency. But even without it, there’d be a small chance. The problem is we don’t know how much venom was injected into his bloodstream. And we don’t know how his body will react in the long run.” She turned back to hunting for the little red drone Dr Furnier had described to her. “We’ll find it.”

They were both silent as they combed the rainforest, edging closer and closer to the last known coordinates.

“Well, spiders might top my ‘Least Favourite Bugs’ list now,” said Kayo, with a half-smile.

“Yeah, mine too,” said Scott fervently. “Wait, what was on top before?”

“I’ll never tell,” said Kayo with a shudder.

“Seriously?” said Scott, looking at her frankly. “You’re really scared by bugs?”

“Not scared just… creeped out. And it’s not all of them.”

“Kayo I’ve seen you jump out of aeroplanes and take down someone built like a freight train running straight towards you like it was nothing.”

“Virgil’s ticklish, that doesn’t count.”

At the mention of Virgil’s name, Scott fell silent and she cursed herself internally.

“He’ll be okay Scott,” she said quietly, laying a hand on his shoulder.

“You don’t know that, what if he’s not?” he said desperately. Kayo glanced over and at the sight of his glistening eyes, bit back her immediate reply.

“What if…” he said softly. “What if after everything, we get Dad back and I have to tell him that Virgil was…. That he…”

Scott straightened in his chair, the tears in his eyes turning to ice. “I’m responsible for all of them, Kayo. I have to be the one to look Dad in the eye and tell him I kept them safe. No matter the cost.”

Kayo said nothing, only checked the coordinates displayed on the map between them.

“This is it,” she said. “It should be around here.”

Scott made no reply, striding from the cockpit without a backwards glance.

[Read Part 4]

[sumeshi-t]

the idea of making hc’s of children is sosososo cute. i’ll follow ur steps chloe @akaashit-baeji lolol this is gonna be really self-indulgent buuut my excuse is that it’s my birthday so here it goes... i'm writing the last half of this with a hangover and a bad case of dysmenorrhea... sucks 2 be me

Oikawa Teru (及川 輝)

his name “輝“ means “bright”, and this boi lives up to it because, let’s face it, he’s gonna be like his dad. he embodies this “brightness”, in a way that he’s smart, and he makes sure he and his team’s (or whichever team he’s going to be in) will shine on the court

wavy/curly hair and a victim of my and his dad’s astigmatism. always has this cheeky smile, and he gets my brimming energy so he’s really approachable and charming

very good with words; it’s like he always knows what to say

when he plays he also wears contact lenses

but don’t be fooled. in their generation, it’s him who has to put iwaizumi’s son in check. he knows everything about his teammates too, he knows more than what he lets on (which sometimes, they find creepy, but they all know he means well)

anyway, unlike his dad, he doesn’t really mind having geniuses around. instead, he watches them very closely; something like “mutualism”. he knows what he lacks and he knows he can learn from them too, vice versa.

is into horror games. in his free time, he and his sister take turns playing. and they decide it by seeing who can last the longest without flinching/screaming. he’s annoyed because his sister’s better at it 

has fans, ngl. i mean look at him. however, the female fans especially, are pretty on guard. he’s approachable, but anytime they see him with his sister... they back out. he doesn’t mind, he loves his sister and it actually amuses him. he’s the same when it comes to the boys who hang around her too!

basically protective siblings who are always there for eo

is very neat. can’t concentrate when something is out of place. he keeps his nails short, has a somewhat flowery scent. yes, he uses female perfumes because he despises strong smells.

bug-catching was his childhood hobby just like mine’s was. used to sneak beetles in iwaizumi’s son’s backpack back then

he will never admit it but he actually asks his sister for fashion tips because his taste sucks ass so bad

basically his major problem or issue in life is getting compared to his father (he’s also a setter). he hates that so much, being hidden in the shadow of his dad, and when people just recognize him for being oikawa tooru’s son.

something he and ushijima’s child relate to so strongly. they’re friendly rivals; might end up being teammates in their career hmm

so when he’s the one stressed, he skips practice for a day just so he could recollect his thoughts. usually stays in the library to read books he picked up based on the titles; might either open up to iwa or his sister later on, it depends. then when he’s okay, he doubles the amount of training

Oikawa Rie (及川 麗恵) it’s /ri-ye/ oki

so the kanjis are: "麗" meaning, beautiful and "恵" is blessed. tooru thought of this name obviously

also has curly hair like mine. has that tiny mole below her eye just like i do. actually has lots of moles over her body; one time she fell asleep on the couch her brother drew connecting lines between the moles on her arm and called them constellations. it was nice she thought but still, the next day, teru had to wear a band-aid over his nose bridge.

she’s just a year younger. is less “vibrant” than her brother, a bit more serious. has a resting bitch face and she’s not even sorry about it and i love her for that

she’s actually relieved she looks like that, or else she knows the girls in her class would flock to her just to get in her brother’s pants. usually brushes them off with “ask him, not me” or “do you think that’s any of my concern?” 

her tongue her words damn never get to this baby girl’s bad side she’s gonna burn you alive. like fr when she’s angry, oh she’s gonna show you that she’s angry. but tbh she's very sweet, leaves little notes or little gifts to her friends every now and then

she just doesn’t want her brother’s heart to be broken (she’s heard stories from her mom about her dad’s many hs exes), and she knows teru’s struggles

therefore

doesn’t really like volleyball that much. it’s because she didn’t get to grow up with her dad around, she felt like it separated her from him. she’s not mad at him though. she’s very supportive of him and her brother.

used to play vb though when they were kids. but that’s all it was for her

she’s the team’s honorary manager lol the occasional “i brought you guys sumn” or “something-kun, a girl from my class says she likes you so do your best” etc

the team’s lil sister how bout that

despite being tolerant of horror games, this girl is vvvv squeamish. she cries at the sight of internal organs or blood. biology lab was the worst time of her life 

when she dug up my hs videos she was shook to discover i once did theater. and thus begins her interest in theater too

and??? baby girl is actually???? really really good???? 

the girls she used to shut down nicknamed her “prima”, short for “prima donna” she hates it. hates it more when her closest theater buddy was the one who spread that around

immediately went to the gym to spike some balls from her brother. baby girl was crying because she was just so pissed.

she was given ice cream and sweets afterwards. ugh it’s so cute idk she’s baby to the team skksksk they protecc

in that upcoming play, her first ever performance, the whole team got front row seats and howled when she came on during curtain call; it was vvv sweet and memorable even if the guys were kinda reprimanded afterwards lmao

which is why, in return, boiis also have a hard time approaching her because damn??? the vb team as your knights???? excuse me??? 

oh have i mentioned she has a sweet tooth? mygod. she has a stash of sweets in her room. teru has had to sneak some away because she might get tooth aches or diabetes

her pastel nail polish is arranged by shade, her body clock is fucked up lmao she hates the mornings; has succulents by her window which she names after various characters from books/plays etc she’s for sure gonna be a theater actress tho

asks help from iwa’s son for math. even her brother’s 0% help. teru is smart but a terrible teacher. she’s an above-average student and that’s all that matters for her. she can leave the spotlight to her brother because she only craves one type of spotlight

Miya Seiichi (宮 聖一) and Miya Seiji (宮 聖二)

their names literally mean “聖” sacred then “一” is one, and “二” is two

atsumu thought it was funny. when they were kids, seiichi’s nickname was “juan” and seiji’s was “tutu” (i gave them the nicknames)

when the twins discovered the meaning behind the nicknames, they hated it. especially seiji, he despises it vvv much

so when they were hs, seiichi = chi, seiji = ji for the people they're close with

as we can see here, the twins unfortunately got my curls. seiichi likes his hair as is. he doesn’t like the thought of dyeing his hair just to be differentiated from his twin. in fact he enjoys twin jokes, enjoys tripping people up about it. seiji on the other hand, grew tired of his brother’s jokes and by the time hs started, he sacrifices his soft hair. 

between the two, seiji is the one who has my ugly eyesight. add to the fact that he reads a lot (once he starts he can’t put it down. so he reads in the dark, in a moving car etc)

the piercings was a thing that happened between them, and their cousins (which were also twins wtf)–it was a 2v2 vb thing and they lost

surprisingly, the cousins weren't pleased bc atsumu didn't scold them for getting piercings (but for playing half-heartedly). seiichi wanted the piercings tho tbh it was the perfect excuse. ngl, seiji also wanted them.

first let's talk abt seiichi, aside from the fact he also got my mole (he feels it makes him look cuter tho)

seiichi's into vb, but not a setter. he's the ace. may or may not push through with it as a career. he hasn't decided yet. is actually a bit sad that seiji didn't join the vb club in hs, he wanted them to be like his dad and uncle.

seiichi doesn't have any uh, quirks like shutting the whole cheer squad up like his dad does. but he usually dribbles the ball five times before any serve (this is something i did before) and he likes the 'ooooh hey' thing the crowd does when he goes for a serve

his side of the room doesn't have much stuff going on except workout equipment. he follows what exercise plan i give him as da PT mom that i am, and he is very strict with his diet and with what he eats–he's close to not needing a calorie counter anymore; but not a picky eater. he loves his uncle's cooking very much and he is jealous he can't cook even if he tries

he can do beatboxing, he learned it through youtube lmao his spotify playlists are da bombest; he learns a lot in youtube tho in his free time. his current interest is magic tricks and french (he thinks he can use it to woo that girl from class 4)

he hates insects, and hates mess. he has had to scold his twin about it that it escalated to them having this imaginary line in the middle of the room

anyway, he's straightforward. but not rude. he just doesn't like any pretenses so he says what he thinks or feels is right. may or may not have led to some misunderstandings, but he owns up to his mistakes if he crossed a line

next, seiji

even if he looks like a nerd with his glasses tbh he is not he actually hates studying. you can love reading without having to love studying right? he's that dude

the only time that he regrets dyeing his hair was when he realizes couldn't change identities so his brother could take his exam for him

his side of the room is littered with his sketches, notes from books, pencils everywhere – he drew a bunch of ants one time on a paper and made it look like they're real ass ants and placed it on seiichi's pillow

to solve this problem, atsumu has planned to give him a tablet for his next birthday

quits vb in hs because he kinda lost interest? he still finds it fun but he doesn't wanna be put under the pressure that his dad and uncle left for them lmao

he's in art clubs tho

he designs banners/posters for the team anyway. they use his strategic mind from the shit he's read for any plays and stuff so when he's not drawing, he's thinking

he might look like he has no emotions, but tbh he is more emotional and empathetic than his brother. he cries easily over the simplest things, like those grandparents vids, or rescuing animals and stuff

and thats why he doesn't let people in too much bc he knows he'll be hurt (dw seiichi knows this vvv well, and even if they do have arguments, he loves his lil bro and helps him about this)

has once begged to have a cat at home–seiichi didn't want bc he knows his twin is gonna leave him for clean up lmao

he can cook period.

he's gonna either be an architect or an animator, still hasn't decided.

his music taste sucks lmao. his youtube recents are filled with cooking stuff; in constant conversation with his uncle abt cooking lol it be cute sometimes atsumu is jealous bc he feels his son is closer to his brother than with him

he is forgetful that's why his stuff is messy lol he keeps misplacing stuff, sometimes it's literally in front of him and he's just 'where????'

but remembers dates well, remembers plays well. he's good at nitpicking tiny nearly insignificant details. just anything outside studying? he's good. dw he passes his classes but he hates giving effort for that shit lololol

[riverforasong]

Climbing Through the Wall

TW: Self Harm, Weight issues, and family instability, oh and nudity, I guess. It’s a non-fiction thing so if that’s not your bag, thanks for coming anyway!

It’s never really been a secret, per se, but I’ve only just now started to freely admit to people that I’m a nudist. Be it out of fear of how people would react, or embarrassment stemming from a, now that I think of it, weirdly conservative upbringing, I never talked about it. I would drop hints here and there, but never much explicit, even with super close friends it remained a non-topic, despite the fact that it was, and is, a very big part, and honestly, fundamental part of my life. Hell, I’m literally naked right now (Probably, depending on when you’re reading this and what time of day it is, I could be at the store or at work or something, but it’s like a solid 90 percent chance). When the topic does come up, especially with people just learning about it for the first time, I get a lot of questions about it, which is absolutely to be expected, and I don’t mind it one bit, mostly because I love talking about this kinda stuff. One of the questions that always trips me up a little bit though, is “Why?” Why choose to go naked all the time? Which seems like an easy answer, being naked is awesome, it’s more comfortable, it releases stress, and makes it easier to sleep, and it honestly baffles me why anyone would choose to wear clothes if they didn’t absolutely have to. For me at least, it’s the only time I’m ever really comfortable, clothes and I just never really gelled. But it wasn’t until recently, and I’m talking within the last 3 months recently that I realized how important it was to me, and the recovery of my self image. My self esteem has always been low, and a lot of that stems from how I physically look, but it goes even deeper than that. From here on out this story gets kind of intense,TW: Self Harm, Weight issues, and family instability, oh, and nudity I guess, but you should have figured that out by now,  so if you’re not into that, maybe skip to the last paragraph? Or you could bail out here, the whole gist of it is being naked makes you feel better about yourself, you and your friends should give it a try sometimes. Got it? Good, and here we go.

I’ve always been the fat kid, right from the get go, in school that’s how I was pegged. Like a lot of fat kids, we learned to be the funny one in the group, because humour is a damn fine way to mask any and all insecurities you’re hiding within yourself. I’d always told myself that it doesn’t bother me, people are gonna say what they say and you can eiher take it personally, or let it roll off your back and make a joke about it, and that’s what I always did. Or at the very least, tried to do. It worked, or so I thought, but I’d be lying to you right now if I said it never got to me. Late night when no one was listening, it would replay over and over in my head, about how that’s the only thing people ever see in me. That’s always going to be their first impression. I will never be loved if I look like this. Now this is a batshit crazy way of thinking in retrospect, but that’s how m'brain works when it’s back on it’s bullshit. Later in life, what I now know to be an anxiety issue and mental illness, went unchecked for too long. In my family, I always had to be the level headed one, parenting the parents so to speak. My brother had sever Social Anxiety Disorder and would lash out in increasingly terrible ways that he can talk about in his own damn story, but my parents were not… I dunno, mature enough? No that seems silly, equipped to? Equipped to take care of this in the way it needed to be. Yelling begat more yelling, violence begat more violence, you see how things roll. I would always have to step in and make sure things don’t escalate any further than they already had. Taking pieces of myself and shoving them in the holes of the levee to make sure the whole place doesn’t flood. It would work, things would calm down and merrily we’d roll along until the next disaster hit. This worked for them. It didn’t however, work for me. Being the person who took care of these issues took a toll on me that I didn’t expect. See, I was just as sad and angry as everyone else, but I couldn’t express it in any way, because I needed to fix the issues before they became worse, but unlike everyone else, I had no one to check on me. No one to make sure that I was doing okay enough to function, which as it turned out, I was not. The anger and the sadness and the overall  negative emotion swelled inside of me and remained bottled up until it could no longer stay. I began to cut myself to release it. I couldn’t find someone to help, and I couldn’t take it out on anyone else, so I took it out on the person who mattered least in the house, myself.

Still with me? If so, here’s a puppy.

Cutting may have relieved the emotional pain and stress I was feeling, but it also left something in it’s wake. Big, obvious, ugly, red scars. Crisscrossing my arms and legs. New ones would pop up every couple of days or so. A couple people would ask about it, I’d tell them it was my cat, which if you knew my cat made sense, ‘cause that little thing’s kind of a bastard, and the situation would be left alone. This went on for a while, longer than I’d like to admit, but the important thing was I got help. Help from friends who are truly invaluable to me in ways I could not possibly convey because I don’t know that many words. I’d love to say it got better immediately, and I never even thought about doing it again, but shiiiit, you know that’s not how life works. I still struggle with it to this day. I was however, on the road to healing, both physically and mentally. The problem remained though, these scars would be with me forever. You can still see them if you look close enough at my arms, and it’s been a solid ten years or so since the first major incidents. Now, as someone who already had a pretty low vision of himself, this did not help at all. I hated going outside, I hated putting myself out there in the world. I hated what people might think, might say, might point out. It was an awful ouroboros of thoughts leading to actions leading to thoughts leading to actions. I was disgusted with who I was and what I looked like. From the fat, to the scars, to the fact that I thought my head was too big, and my feet too small. Now, as a guy, you don’t know that you get to feel this way. We don’t talk about how men can obsess over their looks and how it makes them feel as much as we really do. There’s not a lot of self help books for that kind of situation, or if there is, I sure didn’t find any. Mostly 'cause I didn’t look that hard, mostly because I was afraid to ask for help, mostly because I didn’t know I was allowed too. There’s that ouroboros again.

This is where the whole nudist thing kicks in. See, my whole life, I always kinda hated clothes, getting dressed, shopping for them, gah, I just hate it. I was always more comfortable naked than anyway else. My parents on the other hand, wanted no part of anything like that. I remember as a 4 year old getting told I was too old to walk around without being fully dressed. Socks, Pants, Underwear, Shirt, the whole 9 yards. I remember bring up the subject to my mom, who was so horrified at the concept of me being a nudist she actually started yelling despite herself. We once watched a documentary where one of the characters was raise in a nudist family, there weren’t even on screen, and my parents would rally against them, talking about how it’s sick and why have these people no shame? I always gave a half-harted  affirmation, but on the inside, it was killing me. I never drank, did drugs, had underage, unprotected sex, got into fights, that wasn’t really my thing. My rebellion was being naked. Naked inside, outside, sometimes with friends, sometimes in public, for as long as humanly possible, down to the last millisecond I could. But during the rough patch, I hated how I looked so much I stayed covered up, to a ridiculous degree. I’m talking long sleeve shirts in summertime, wearing shorts in the bathtub kind of covering. It was a mess. I figured the whole thing was a phase and it was time to outgrow it. It was time to repress some feelings and urges, and get back shoving my emotions and feelings of inadequacy back down my own throat.

I know it was a stupid idea. I’m also in the future.

This went on for a while, although I can’t remember how long. I felt miserable, and couldn’t figure out why. I kept wearing increasingly baggy clothes to hide what I though deserved to be hid. But I wasn’t getting any better internally, it just looked like it. I didn’t feel any better about the way I looked, I just stopped looking. I don’t know what changed, eventually. Something did though. Maybe I just cracked through the shell I had formed around myself. But for the life of me, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I may have hated the way I looked, but I hated clothes more, I guess.

When you’re naked for a long amount of time, a few things happen. At first, you’re highly aware and tactile about every single thing around you. You’re aware of every imperfection on your body, from love handles, to acne, to scars, to weird ingrown hairs, to what you need to shave, to how dry your knees are. Everything, Every. Damn. Thing. And then? You forget about it. You focus on something else, you watch TV, you play video games, you clean the house, you check your garden, whatever it is, and you forget about what little things bug you about you. When you do it over and over again, that first part where you obsess about everything becomes shorter, and shorter, until it eventually disappears altogether. Nudity helped me come to peace with who I am, and what I look like. I may not like a lot of the things about me. But I don’t obsess, it doesn’t ruin me, it doesn’t encapsulate all I am anymore. The biggest change was seeing it happen to other people, the first time I ever went to a nude event, it was the Portland Naked Bike Ride in 2016, and you realize how diverse we all really are. I saw fat people, skinny people, trans-gendered people, men, women, children of all shapes, sizes and colours hanging out and talking to people. I was horrified about what they would think about me when I came walking in, but no one batted an eye. We talked, we laughed, we shared stories and jokes and videos about whatever. I finally realized that the only person saying these terrible things about me and they way I looked, was me.

Whenever I finally tell people that I’m a nudist, I get one of two reactions. One is always someone showing a ton of interest, but not wanting to admit it, so they ask a lot of questions, but try to do it superstitiously, and two, people who say stuff like “That’s so cool, but I could never do it myself,” and that one always bums me out. We have taught people from the time that they’re born to the time they die, that being naked is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad thing, and is only to be reserved for taking a shower no longer than ten minutes, and having sex in the missionary position only for the purposes of procreation after marriage, and for the love of all that is holy never speak of it, or practice it outside of these two times. It’s terrible to shame someone for something so simple and natural and helpful. To tell people right out of the gate that their body is shameful and should be hidden away because “No one wants to see that.” We kick their self esteem in the chest before it even has a chance to get started

I’m getting kind of soapbox-y and that’s not the point I’m trying to make. The point is, I fully believe that nudism saved my perception of myself, and I feel like people need to give it a chance. Separate it from it’s sexual connotation and invite your friends over for a naked movie night or something like that. I even ran a naked DND session once, and it went over like gangbusters. It helps folks who t think they’ll be uncomfortable for the first time focus on something else, and realize life is just that much better. Getting people naked and watching their faces go from assuming it’s going to be awkward to genuine fun and comfort is one of my favourite feelings in the world, because we stop putting so much pressure on ourselves and what we wear and what we look like, when no one has anything to hide..

[onlykeithpowers]

Actor Keith Powers’ humility would hang sloppily off a man twice his age. It’s a character trait usually earned by a man with some wrinkles and knuckles worn and callused from the seasons of life leveling his pride. But at 25 years old, Powers, though physically groomed and polished externally, carries an internal wisdom that supersedes his youthful appearance. With looks striking enough to put comparable millennial heartthrobs to shame, and a confidence that any grown woman would respect, the young Adonis caught our eye, but his depth and nuanced on-camera performances won our hearts. Even with the record-breaking miniseries The New Edition Story, the Freeform drama Famous In Love, and the box office smash Straight Outta Compton accenting his résumé with gold, the star still doesn’t consider himself a “celebrity.”

“I don’t even like to consider myself a celebrity yet because I’m still working towards what I’m supposed to be,” he revealed during our conversation. (Yea, tell that to the 15.7 million people who watched The New Edition Story in its first week).

“I can’t get stagnant and feel comfortable when there is so much work to be done.

I like not being good at everything yet,” he confessed, an admission void of ego. Powers described the nerves he had around mastering the iconic New Edition choreography, having never been trained as a dancer.

“Ronnie was always encouraging. He kept it 100 with me,” he said of the legendary musician and mentor who carefully guided Powers’ on-screen depiction of himself.

“If the dancing wasn’t smooth enough, he taught me how to make it smooth. Instead of saying ‘nah that ain’t it’ he’d say ‘let me show you how to make this better.’”

Powers considers himself a forever student of the craft of acting; humbly navigating his new found fame, which branched off from his original career path as a model.

Signed to Wilhelmina at age 17, Powers left his hometown of Sacramento, California behind to pursue full-time modeling in Los Angeles.

“I didn’t get the acting bug until I moved to LA, and the modeling gave me one foot in the door,” Powers said, remembering his beginnings.

“I’m starting to catch it even more now, and I’m going through this thing where I’m so in love with acting, and I’m educating myself more in knowing exactly what I want. Honestly I got signed off of my looks, and I told myself in order to call myself an actor, I had to study the art of it. LA brought that out of me.”

The city that would turn out to be the hub of Powers’ wildest dreams was the epicenter of a Black American nightmare just two decades prior. The police beating of Rodney King, who is actually a cousin of Powers, brought the country face-to-face with systemic criminal justice corruption while setting Los Angeles on fire with racial tension.

“I met Rodney King twice in my life, but police brutality was always a conversation in our household,” Powers said of his late family member.

Adding, “In Straight Out Of Compton there is a clip of Rodney being beat, and I don’t think [Dr.] Dre or any of them even knew he was my cousin. Police brutality is real, and it’s always weighed really heavy on my heart.”

Powers’ personal familial connection to police brutality eventually extended to his hometown, with the shooting death of Sacramento native Stephon Clark rattling his community March of 2018.

“I think I met Stephon a couple times, when we were kids playing football. I know we met, I know his face. But that really hit home for me as well. It’s a tragedy that easily could’ve been anyone.”

With Black men under attack in almost every facet of life in this country, it’s a feat that Powers has managed to harness the principles of love and healthy relationship in a time where the Black male experience and vulnerability seem to contradict one another. But Powers has grown beyond societal expectations of masculinity into a man who sees strength in his weaknesses. He talks about his love life with the ease of classic 1990s R&B.

“I tell my boys all the time, I love my girl. I’m so sprung on my girl bro, she got my heart she can do whatever she wants with it. I’m scared, but it is what it is.” Powers divulges, referencing his fellow actor and girlfriend Ryan Destiny, who plays Alexandra Crane on the Fox series Star.

“I love Black women, that goes without saying. What resonated with me with Ryan is I was able to open up to her, and tell her how I felt. And I let her know how talented she was when I first met her. You have to tell women that, especially Black women. It’s important to let Black women know how much they mean to the world, not even just to Black men. My mom taught me from a young age you need to always, always show your Black women love. So I already embodied that in my soul. It wasn’t even something I had to remind myself of.”

Continuing, “I want the younger generation to come up and see me and say ‘Yo Keith really showed us what it was like to treat a woman and just be real and authentic with our feelings.’”

Beyond relationships, Powers was touched by the positive feedback he received from parents about the effect The New Edition Story had on their kids.

“People talk about [the movie] like it saved their lives. To see their kids wanting to dance and do performing arts meant a lot too. I grew up only knowing sports. I wish I grew up and wanted to do arts and theatre. I wish I had started a long time ago. It’s an amazing feeling but there’s definitely a lot of pressure, because people already know who you are and want to know what’s next.”

In the scrutiny of the spotlight, Keith recognizes the responsibility he now has to the young boys who are watching his every move as a blueprint for career success. Images of Black men as leaders is necessary in a time where we as a people are constantly inundated with images of our victimization. Powers may get the chance to embody the ultimate spirit of heroism and revolution in his rumored upcoming role as Black Panthers founder Huey P. Newton in Matt Barnes’ film Power To The People. The possibility has the actor in intense preparation mode.

“We’ve been definitely talking about the project. They are getting the production side together. Nothing is finalized yet,” Powers said of the movie.

“But I will say Matt and his people are really getting the job done. I’ve been doing my research. I just know when the time comes, and I get that green light personally, I have to escape and really dive into the life of who Huey P. Newton was and what he stood for. If it’s in the Lord’s will and it comes about I’d love to play such an icon. It would be scary to play because he means so much to our people, but I’m up for the challenge.”

Challenging himself on and off screen has become the spine and nerve center of Powers’ development as a man. Whether it’s tackling a biopic or expressing love, Powers does not shirk away from his responsibilities as a man, partner, son, brother, actor, and friend.

“I tell my guy friends I love them all the time. And you feel so liberated afterwards when you’re able to express your feelings as a Black man. It shows other[s] who just think we are wild and crazy and only here for entertainment that we are human. Black men, we have to look in the mirror and just decide to be leaders.”

[cookiedoughmeagain]

Haven DVD Commentaries: 3.11 - Last Goodbyes

Commentary with Brian Millikin and Shernold Edwards, writers for this episode.

These two are really funny together. This is mix of summary and direct quotes and conversations that are not-necessarily word-for-word quotes. I hope it all makes sense! There is some interesting stuff about deleted scenes, which I’m hoping will be in the deleted scenes section of the DVD when I get there :)

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The “Last Goodbyes” title is a reference to “the Smith’s song because it’s girlfriend in a coma, so it’s kind of a giveaway for what’s going on in the episode if you’re extraordinarily familiar with The Smiths.”

BM: This is sad because it’s Bree Williamson/Claire Callahan’s last episode; everyone on set was very sad. And so we had to walk a tightrope for this whole episode with the writing because Claire had been killed off-screen before this episode, so every line in this epsiode had to work both for legitimate Claire and also for the skinwalker pretending to be Claire. And the whole trick of this episode was that we wanted to make it not-obvious that Claire was who the skin-walker had taken. SE: My mom was actually really mad. We did such a good job of getting to know and like Claire up to this point that my mom called me to ask me why we had killed the cute redhead. BM: Well it was tough because we sort of always kill Audrey’s friends, and Claire had been the best of the friends we’d given Audrey so far. And by design we had them be partners throughout this episode. BM: And the sad thing was that we all really liked Bree, the actor playing Claire, but we had written the part before she was even cast, knowing that at this point in the season she would have been replaced by the skin walker.

The “King Bros.” name [of the abandoned factory where they found the skinwalker parts] was a Stephen King reference.

Both agree the episode worked out well and that they owe a lot for that to the director for the episode; the first episode of Haven he’s directed and they hope he will do more. They are particularly pleased with the look of the episode and this comes from the director having previously been a camera operator and director of photography for a long time.

BM: [As Audrey hangs up the phone to Nathan and we see her lock the door to her apartment] We are getting close to one of the many painfully-deleted scenes in this episode. This was one of my favourite ones, and this whole sequence would have made a bit more sense if the cut scene had been included. [It would have come between when we see her getting home, and waking up on the sofa with a gun in her hand.] She falls asleep with the gun in her hand because she had been freaked out because there had been a knock on the door and it was Duke but she was afraid because she doesn’t know who the skinwalker is yet, and she can’t quite trust if it’s Duke or not. And Duke tries to appeal to her from outside the door but she won’t let him in and he kind of gets it, and turns around and walks away. It was really moving. But it might have confused people because all the flashbacks in this episode take place right before that scene.

SE: [As Audrey is finding the first unconscious person] This was a really beautiful day - the weather there is notoriously changeable but this was a lovely day in Lunenberg. BM: There was a lot of talk about how this car could have come to a complete stop there if the driver had passed out. Was he already in park, what happened? So, we really just hoped that no one noticed. SE: I have a fun fact about Audrey’s outfit here. It was so hot this day in August that the hoodie she’s wearing under her jacket has been jerry rigged; they cut the back out and tied it back up to turn it into a halter “so that she wouldn’t sweat her little adorable face off.”

BM: So let’s talk about the idea for this episode; way back in season one, we started a master list of episode ideas and some form of this episode was always one of them, as “Coma Guy.” [This story gets finished in a little bit ;)]

BM: And here is our first flashback. And it was so controversial to try to sell everyone on the idea of doing all the flashbacks in this episode. But we had to do it because there would be no other way to break up the monotony of the Coma Haven with her and Will walking around town all day; we needed to cut away to something, but everyone was asleep. SE: And you had to fight most of those fights because I was on set for epsiodes 3.07 and 3.08, crying my eyes out at how great it was and also how challenging it is to be on set. BM: Well our script co-ordinator Nick Parker and I are both big Lost fans, so we understood how flashbacks structure works and by the end of this everyone else did too. And when we come back from this flashback, is Painfully Deleted Scene number two. Also written by Shernold. I really hope it’s on the DVD somehow, because what you’re missing here is a very tender scene where Audrey is still beside a sleeping Nathan, she picks up his coat and she folds it into a pillow for him and puts it under his head while talking to him. And it’s the first time she’s ever really been able to talk to Nathan this season because they’ve sort of had some issues up to this point. And she opens up a little bit becuase he’s asleep. And it was one of my favourite scenes in the episode. And it was one of Emily’s favourites to shoot. SE: It was! And she was adorable in it. BM: It was great. Some people were worried because she had this big monologue and was just going to be giving this big speech. But it was fantastic.

BM: [As we meet Will] So this is Nolan North, who is a terrific guy, an even better actor, and we were super-lucky to get him. His voice might be familiar to people because he is the George Clooney of video games. And one of the things Emily is most known for is the video game series Uncharted; she does all the voice work for the lead female character, and the lead male in the series is this guy, Nolan North. And the two of them are terrific together in it. SE: They had a really great chemisty on set. And, Emily is always great, but her performance in this episode is elevated because of the friendship between these two. He spent the whole time on set just bugging her like a brother; it was fun to watch and it was fun to work with them. And he is always entertaining. He is so nice. And so happy in what he does. BM: He told me that he was really touched that we had basically written this role for him. And it was a great opportunity because we had wanted to get him on the show for a long time. So [to get back to the story of how the episode came about] one of the reasons we hadn’t done the Coma Guy episode is that we knew it would have a big guest star; this is the biggest guest star role we’ve ever had on the show - maybe even too big, so we didn’t quite know how to pull it off. And we didn’t know what we would cut away to. So the Coma Guy idea sat on the shelf for a long time. And then we came to 3.11 and we knew Audrey would have a problem where she was facing this big sacrifice that she’d just learned about that she would have to go into the barn and go away for 27 years, so she was debating this internally.  And at the same time, I thought what if she ended up getting involved with this Coma Guy who is kind of facing the same sort of sacrifice. So Shernold and I talked about this as something we could do for 3.11 and figured that we needed something to cut away to and then we have the skinwalker investigation that’s going on. So it all kind of came together. And so going back to Nolan, we had wanted for a long time to try to get him on the show, really since we cast Emily. And so as soon as we had the idea for this episode, we thought; let’s try to get him. And we did, and we were able to get him based on a one-sentence pitch for the episode. So we wrote the outline, and the script, with him already cast. Which never happens for guest stars. So we were able to write it with his voice in mind. SE: It was really cool because we took a chance with a lot of jokes and we knew that he could do them. And part of being on set for me is, you’re up at 4am and a line comes to you and you think it’s the stupidest line ever but you’re too sleepy to think of something else. And then you get on set and the actor just nails it and makes you feel like you know what you’re doing. BM: Yeah, Nolan definitely made us look a lot better. So how he’s not already the star of his own show, I’m not sure. But it will happen. And maybe he will even come back to Haven, because he’s still alive. We gave him the job of an archeologist and were like; maybe we can wake him up and use his archeology skills. Although that’s really also an Uncharted reference that he has that job. SE: And I tried to do an Indiana Jones joke [in reference to Uncharted] but it got cut. BM: Yes, our favourite scenes aren’t the only thing that get cut; our favourite jokes get cut too. But, as an Uncharted fan, it was great to see these two together in reality / live action for the first time. And the crew loved Nolan too. SE: They did. They were really mad at us after this episode I bet, because Bree was gone and then we paracuted in this dream of a guy and took him away.

BM: I had really wanted to find some way to get a scene between Will and Nathan. That would have been really cool to have the two men in Emily’s life in her two different jobs. But no; he’s just asleep at his desk the whole time.

BM: We should talk about the tshirt Will is wearing because this is probably the most involved in wardrobe we’ve ever been. And I think a version of that tshirt actually exists; we had to fight with Legal to get it cleared. So we were able to do it but we couldn’t have the droid looking like anything that has anything to do with Star Wars. And I think I did ruffle some feathers in our art department when I vetoed the first two designs. But we also got involved in the hair in this episode because Emily wanted to have her hair down in these scenes [with Will] because in Uncharted with Nolan her hair is always up. And it had to be different from the flashbacks so then her hair is up and it became this whole big thing.

The idea for the sports team mascot based on a ram comes from the fact that Nolan (and also Brian and script co-ordinator Nick Parker) went to the University of North Carolina, where they also have a ram mascot for their basketball team.

[As Duke is telling Audrey what happened when they went to Colorado, the commentary is discussing how this is the first time the script has really been able to look at Duke/Audrey since the kiss happened, which was a scene that Shernold also wrote.] BM: The Daudrey fans, I think they’re called, or Team Waffles really loved this scene. And I think they feel that Shernold is the representative of Team Waffles. SE: I kind of am the representative of Team Waffles. I will go on record for Duke and Audrey. And I feel like in this scene Claire feels the same way. BM: Yeah. And how funny is Claire in this scene. I think I’m on Team French Toast, by the way. SE: Who is Team French Toast? BM: I haven’t figured that out yet. It might have been Chris Brody.

[As Will and Audrey come into the Gull] BM: Remember all the talk we had about how because we were coming out of that flashback off of Duke we wanted to come into a shot of Duke, so planned to do a shot of Eric with a guitar but we didn’t have time to shoot it, so that was a photo of Eric that he just had of himself playing guitar - and you can’t even tell it was him. Very upsetting.

SE: Look how great Emily’s bum is. Cute and compact; it’s adorable.

[As we flashback to Nathan’s interview] BM: All these scenes are nice. We never get the chance to have these characters just sit down and talk it out.

They talk about how this was a nice episode to produce; one of the most produceable episodes ever. “I don’t remember standing outside in the rain at all. We spent a lot of time in the studio.”

BM: Remember there was a version of this scene where in order to prove this was really Nathan, Claire was stood behind him with a pin - or actually with a thumb tack as a reference to season one episode twelve where he talked about how Duke used to do that to him when he was a kid. SE: And wardrobe blew their minds. I think we cut it for many reasons, but wardrobe just lost their minds over that.

[As we see Audrey breaking into Will’s house] BM: One of the many tragedies of this episode is that once he goes back into the coma, no one knows what happened here. So one day his brother and sister are going to come round and see that someone broke into his house, and they won’t know what happened. [And then there is some discussion about how maybe Audrey would have told them, in the hospital.]

Brian comments on the American money that we see on Will’s desk, and Shernold (who is Canadian) replies; Yeah, yeah. Canadian money is prettier, and it smells like maple syrup.

[As Audrey has her gun pointed at Will, thinking that he is the skin walker] BM: This moment will always be dear to me, because this is the moment that we solved the episode. Because, everyone understood the coma idea, and everyone understood the skin walker plot, but no one understood how they would come together. And we didn’t either. But it was Lila Zuckerman who saved it, she was like; ‘What if at one point she thinks that Will is the skin walker?’ And I was just like, ‘Oh my god. I think you are my hero.’ And the puffin earrings where just kind of a placeholder, but they stayed. We needed something there were two of so that one could be at the crime scene and one at his house, so we figured earrings. And it needed to be something unique so we thought puffins, because puffins are common in Nova Scotia where we shoot. But we were like; ‘We’ll come up with something better than puffin earrings’. SE: But we didn’t. BM: I think it worked out. SE: I like puffins. Puffin is like Hufflepuff; it makes you smile when you say it. BM: I had talked about it with some people in Nova Scotia and said I thought we could get away with the puffin earring if we made it a joke about the puffins, because it’s so ridiculous that we’re talking about puffin earrings really seriously. But they take their puffins very seriously. They were like, ‘But why would you joke about a puffin?’

[We flashback to Claire and Audrey interviewing Vince and Dave. And Brian and Shernold both laugh at Claire’s expression stretched out on the table] BM: You know, I still have plan to bring Claire back to life. Primarily because of her in this scene right here. We had wanted for a long time to have separate Vince and Dave interogations. But we didn’t have time to do it, which was too bad. In fact there is a deleted scene later, deleted from the script, but originally at the end of this scene they clammed up. They wouldn’t tell Audrey what Tommy was asking them about because he was asking about the barn, and they don’t want her to know about barn stuff yet. And so she was like; ‘You guys aren’t telling me anything; you’re going to jail.’ And they get thrown into the jail cell. And for a while she thinks that one of them is the skin walker, which helped a lot to throw the suspicion off Claire for a little while. And then later on she goes and lets them out after they tell her a bit more truth. But we didn’t have time for that, so we cut that scene out, which changed this scene - and it was just kind of brutal. Although I like her saying that final line there (“You’re not telling me everything. Again.”)

[As we see Audrey showing Will Erin’s body] BM: I appreciate Nolan North in this scene. And he is one of the few people who understood the buried Batman reference here, where he talks about the movie that they just went to see. There was only one movie that ever occurred to me; they had to have gone to see the Mark of Zorro, because as Batman fans know, the famous backstory of Batman is that his parents were murdered outside of a movie theatre having just gone to see the Mark of Zorro. But the only people who noticed that were Larry Gilbert our fantastic studio executive, and Nolan North. SE: I did not get that reference. If it was a Bugs Bunny reference, I would have been all over it. BM: I guess it’s also a kind of sideways Batman reference, the one word the skin walker says of ‘Hush’ - because there’s a Batman villan whose name is Hush. And I was very excited by Nolan’s delivery of the word hush there. But that wasn’t really an intentional reference, we just needed the attacker to have said something that we could then callback to later. And we were able to go in and seed it into earlier episodes. And it had to be something that Claire as the skinwalker at the end of this episode might have said not realising she was giving herself away. So I think ‘Hush’ was a pretty good compromise, but there was a lot of debate about what that word should be.

[As Audrey is checking the discolouration on the people’s necks in the hospital] BM: I should say, if anyone from the medical profession is listening; we completely made this part up. But we had to give them something as a symptom that could be easily seen, so we had to do it. We did do a bit of googling so I think it works. And on other occasions we have consulted medical and scientific professionals when need be. Just not so much on this occasion.

They discuss the hospital set and how they have used it for hospital scenes before and they like how it was redressed for this one. BM: I think it is true of most TV shows that every season you have a bit of money in your budget to build a new set. So for season three we built a hospital set because we had visited so many people in the hospital that we finally built a set for it. And Claire’s office is actually right around the corner. And what’s good about this is we ended up using it for a bunch of different things. Once we had it, we used it a lot.

BM: “We don’t call them Troubles for nothing,” is one of my favourite lines in the whole episode; I’m happy it survived. When something makes it all the way from the outline through every version of the script, untold drafts of the script and through shooting and then through editorial and actually makes it onto the screen - it’s worth celebrating.

Will Brady’s siblings Greg and Whitney are named after Brian’s brother and sister.

[As Will is realising he has to go back into his coma] BM: This was really the crux of the episode, as he is realising what he has to do, and how that will affect Audrey because she is facing much the same predicament. And it was great because we had a real arc for their relationship in this episode. SE: It is, because we don’t always get a chance to build a relationship with the guest stars. For me, as a fan of the show before I got lucky enough to be working on it, I always found myself interested in the Troubled people and what happened to them. But the show has such great core characters there isn’t usually the opportunity to spend that much time with the Troubled person. So this was really fun in that we built this entire relationship between Audrey and Will.

As Audrey and Will are getting into the ambulance, the initial part was shot outside on location, but once they are actually inside the ambulance, that was shot on the sound stage several days later, because they ran out of time on location. SE: It was a beautiful day when we were filming outside there. I could see why people live there.

BM: I was excited that we got to do some of this back and forth here between the two of them about Audrey needing to get better at goodbyes because all season we had beat that out because we knew that she would eventually chose to go into the barn and say her last goodbyes to everyone.

[As we see Will go back into his coma] BM: Remember how much discussion we had about what this machine was going to look like? Because it had to make a sound to cue us up, so was it a heart monitor because that would make a sound but would it have been a heart monitor in reality, and - a lot of discussion.

BM: And here’s the gas leak joke. Great! I love it. SE: So funny! BM: I wish that we could make a gas leak joke every episode. It works every time! There’s no better way to explain what happens when about three times a season everyone in town passes out for some reason. It’s great.

BM: [Jokes about his brother and sister’s namesakes being ‘appropriately angry’] But they would be angry - we had to approach this realistically because they’ve been passed out in the hallway all day; they have no idea what’s going on. It’s pretty crazy; what must everyone around town think when they wake up and their car has crashed and it’s 12 hours later. Well, it was a gas leak - just one of the hazards of living in this town. SE: It’s amazing we don’t see more ‘For Sale’ signs. BM: Yeah. Well, in that Vince and Dave scene that we cut, they had made reference to it too. They were holding their heads like, ‘We gotta move out of this town.’

BM: So this is where the tshirt came into its own because we needed something for Will to have overheard so he could tell Audrey for her to tell his siblings. If I was them I think that my head would explode at this point in time. And then this is nice because we have a goodbye moment between Audrey and Will but he is still alive. We just have to figure out a way to get around his Trouble because otherwise he can’t wake up without everyone else falling unconscious. Although I’ve always been touched by the idea that we would just at some point in a random episode when she’s having a tough time, come in on a shot of all these people passed out on the street and see that she’s just chilling, sitting on the balcony outside the hospital talking with Will. He’s giving her some advice, and then she’s like, Thanks, and then everyone wakes up again because he’s gone back into his coma. But every once in a while she just goes back, wakes him up - sorry everyone, hope there wasn’t a car crash.

[As we see Audrey and Nathan talking near the end] BM: So this was a big deal scene for us too because following the revelations of episode 10 this was a big step in the Audrey Nathan reconciliation. There’s no Jordan in the picture and we’re starting to move them closer again. Not that they weren’t close, but. And they’re now confronting things more realistically because there’s maybe three or four days left until the Hunter meteor storm comes. And this is one of the times you can see the chain around Nathan’s neck more than most. Which he has of course been wearing every episode since 2.01, for continuity geeks.

[As we see Claire and Audrey in her apartment] SE: Another on set creation! This is all on the sound stage, and that fire is real, and so it was like 40 degrees celsius in this set. BM: We should mention also that this used to be the end of act five, there was another commercial break after this scene and there was a whole face-off between the two of them. But that got moved to the top of the next episode. But this was great. And this was so sad, the realisation that Claire Callahan was no more. But she should come back. Zombie Claire. SE: We haven’t done a zombie curse really. BM: So she comes back, she hasn’t decayed too much. She’s regrown her skin for, some reason. She’s gonna look great. She’s going to look just like Bree Williamson, just like she does now. SE: Or we could just do the soap opera thing. Bree comes from the world of soap operas; we could do her angry twin - What happened to my sister? BM: How about ghost Claire? What are you doing on the astral plane? She came back because she has a message for us. SE: I like the twin sister idea though. We could change her hair colour. BM: Only if she can pretend to be exactly like Claire. SE: Well of course.

[moomooblackshep]

My dysphoria

Well... I'm 26 and so very fucking trans. Ftm. Pre everything. Fuck. It finally makes sense. For the longest time I've always identified as a crossdresser when much younger and then gay as a teen. As gay I've been out to most of my friends, took a while to come out to the family. I hate the word lesbian because it's a label that just doesn't fit and now this. I've only told my closest friends about the trans thing right now. Hopefully I can tell my mom about it later on when I finish my schooling again. Be warned this is long to whoever reads this.

The community has been very visible lately, YouTubers are also getting in on that band wagon. Media over all is so vocal about it now. Also, my mother used to watch a lot of trans surgeries for a solid year and would make me watch it with her. Those were disturbing but dear God like a train wreck I couldn't look away. It wasn't the surgeries that made me realize but they did open up my mind about researching and just looking into what trans is. Looking back there are many red flags. My dysphoria was generally supressed. I remember when I was young, around 10, I considered myself a crossdresser. I was new to the internet then since we just immigrated to Canada and I couldn't stop reading psychology books, journals, articles, anything I can get my hands on to put a label on what I am. I didnt make sense so I settled for something that seemed the closest thing I could find, crossdresser. I internalized that and moved on. We also didn't have much money at the time so I started wearing my brothers clothes and it felt right. Prior to moving into a new country my clothes consisted of dress like uniforms for school and shorts and t-shirt for home/play clothes. My classmates here then started asking me why I dress in boy clothes and I always said I was a crossdresser. They'll have a look on their face but I wasn't making a big deal out of it so they didn't either. I was also the kid that's good at art and I used to give them away a lot when done which people always wanted for some reason. I was also pretty calm and just took a lot of things at face value so people knew they could tell me whatever and I won't freak out, it apparently helped because I was told a hella amount of secrets. Graduation came and yearbooks were signed. Some even said I was the coolest crossdresser they knew and that hopefully everything worked out for me. Then highschool hit and suddenly the whole gay thing cropped up. I realized I didn't like boys early on. It was weird. Everyone tells me that I should and that I have to but I knew I didn't like boys like that at all. When I was younger still, by the pics probably as young as three maybe five, I had a playmate that everyone and their grandmother keep saying that he's my boyfriend. As far as I remember I've always denied it. I had mostly boy playmates but the few girls around I always took special care to make them feel included or give them attention. I didn't understand them. I didn't know why they liked only certain games like the dancing, skip rope, the make up or why they prefer dresses or various things I can't even remember now. I always chalked it up to my two older brothers will beat anyone up that doesn't include me in their games or are mean to me. It was a small enclosed neighborhood. My brothers were in the older crowd and knew everyone being 7 and 9 years older than I was. It still didn't make it any less confusing to me tho. I questioned a lot of things but no one would give me answers or they'll just ignore me. It didn't help that my mother always said disparaging things towards gays. Things about religion and how shameful it is. I don't want to get into it but I ended up internalizing it. We're also Catholic so the Catholic values of how we are in God's image, we should treat everyone as how we would treat ourselves and how God loves us clashed horribly with what she was saying sometimes. I was confused for a while but I tried to rationalize it myself and came up with "he's (the gay man my mom criticized and the only gay person I knew growing up) happy, he seemed comfortable with himself, he's not hurting anyone, he seems like a good person. So I said to myself that if he's all that then it's okay. It's his life and it's his choices. But even when it's okay for him to be gay I knew I wasn't allowed to be gay because of the homopobia my family was showing. I was probably around 7-8 at the point when this all went down. This is also why I stay away from church now. The hypocrisy is something that gets to me but I have my faith and I just try to live as "good" as I can while still being human. I'm probably missing a lot of the stuff because I don't remember much of my childhood. Anyways, that's the internal homophobia and why I couldn't be comfortable with it until later on in my life. By the time highschool rolled around I've immersed myself into the internet and have accepted my love for the female form. Also porn and Anime was a great motivation for an asian teen. Went to an all girls school for highschool, met my best friend in grade nine and proceeded to date her the following year. We lasted all of highschool but I knew I wasn't the best gf at the time or ever. We broke up because she was moving on to better things and I was lost and not going anywhere, I wasn't gonna hold her back to not experience stuff, so we split amicably. We're kind of friends still and adulting sucks. On that note, my dysphoria. In all honesty I never took it as that because my mental and emotional coping mechanisms are suppression and distraction. Anyways, as a kid I always envied the boys. They're always portrayed as being stronger, bigger, the hero, they seemed to have more freedom. As a kid I wanted that. Everyone treated me like such a delicate girl when I didn't feel like a girl at all much less delicate. I was a crybaby sure but that was because my brothers teased me relentlessly and the only time they'll stop at all is if I cry. I wasn't allowed a lot of freedom for expressing myself either because it was met with indifference or anger from my family so I had to figure a lot of things out by myself. Mom isn't the most affectionate or vocal person about feelings either so it's just been me for a long while. Looking back it was a steady progression and the feeling of helplessness that I can't change my sex. It permeated my entire being so I supressed and distracted myself and accepted that I can't do anything about it. Until I was 10 I tollerated the dress ups mom used to put me in, the expectations of being a girl was just another duty I had to uphold as the "youngest daughter" even the long hair was a point of annoyance for me. It was grown past my butt and I hated every second of it. I used to bug mom to get shorter hair, to have a cut like the guys and she gave in once when I caught her on a good day and she cut it to my shoulders. I was happy. It was a step in the right direction. Now if only I can get pants and a dick I'd be happier. Fast forward to puberty and lord was that a thrilling ride. Labelled myself as crossdresser in elementary and now Im gay leaning to Butch lesbian in highschool. Fuck I hated that but again it was another thing I had to tollerated because I couldn't change my sex. I knew transexuals existed mostly I thought that only applied to effeminated men. Aka gay men crossdressing. It didn't connect in my brain that women can be transexuals too. I thought they were just butch/ stud women. I was sheltered and very big on the internal homopobia okay. Now, highschool brought more insecurities. My chest grew like what it does during puberty. I wasn't happy about that. I was a chubby kid but fuck that was such a bad time. I hated them. I strapped them down as much as I can with tape or ace bandages, we had med kits everywhere, when that didn't work I'd wear something to try and flatten them or super baggy clothes. Also I had smaller bras than what I needed so it made them smaller. Had to hunch to hide them. I couldn't figure out why girls bought lingerie for them or why the hell they show it off. I forget a lot that people don't feel what I feel and that I'm not normal. Even with me wanting my chest to be gone but mostly be more male type I also wanted bigger shoulders, a few more inches in height (I'm 5'6), a deeper voice, my jaw and cheeks to be chiseled like the males I see in media. Yeah that was a trip into a rabbit hole. When I was younger I wanted to be like the guys in anime with the body builder like body, the voice, the heroism, the super powers because it's anime and surprisingly how they get the loyal girl. I learned all the chivalry because I always see myself as the guy in the relationship. Flowers, compliments, do nice things even if I don't say my feelings, open a door, pull out a chair, make a girl laugh. Then being a bit older still made me want all those things but now I have certain preference for girls, I wanted to be tall dark and handsome. It's more about being debonair with chivalry thrown in together and having adventures with my partner. It just became more age appropriate as time went on. It was all so confusing but I took the idea and ran with it. I couldn't change my sex? Fine. I'll suppress the need to cry and the depression until I can be free to be myself. Also known as me living by myself. I was terrified of what my family will say and how they'll react. They tried hard to make me girly during highschool and I just repeatedly said no. I never said I was a boy but I saw the need for them to turn me into this girl that I've never felt I was. I hated it. Then I fixated on the aspects I can change. My hair, the way I dressed. How I presented myself. I didn't change my pronouns or name because while I didn't like it it was negligible in the whole. There wasn't much to change to begin with since I already dressed as a male most of the time. Crossdresser in elementary remember. Wasn't much of a shock to the family really, just more annoyance cuz I took my brothers clothes. I sound like I hate everything but aside from a few things that I just glaze my eyes over now I'm pretty laid back and chill. It's just the way I present myself that really gets to me. Ive never given a fuck on why or how others percieved me aside from my family. 15/16 was a rough time. Suicidal thoughts started and escalated. I started self medicating in that I took up smoking cigarettes and weed to dissociate from everything. For a while it worked. Suicide was very close to happening, had it all planned out but when I came home mom was weirdly home. Once we were in Canada my brothers disappeared mostly because of college/uni and work. Mom was the same, she had three jobs at one point to cover all our expenses and Dad hasn't been in the picture for a long while. But yeah, mom was home in a rare off day. We somehow watched a documentary or a show that had suicide in it and she started talking about it. Could've knocked me over when she said that she wouldn't know what to do if she ever found us, mostly me, like that. How she would be devastated and everything. Things like that. It fucking threw me for a damn loop. But I was fucked up and that night I just kept writing and writing and writing until the sun was up and I had to go to school. When I came home no one was there again and I just broke down. My emotional instability, my hopelessness that I can't have the body/sex I want and need, my loneliness, thinking that my family doesn't love me just finally broke me. So I cracked. I cried and I screamed and I just fucking let go. At one point the neighbours even knocked on the door to see wtf was happening. Wiped my face, plastered a smile and said I was practicing for drama class and sorry that I bothered them. I had drama anyways with a play that year so when the neighbours brought it up with mom it was a solid excuse. After that the supressing habit became so strong that for example when I glance at my chest it just disappears from my mind that I even looked at them. There are days where I'm 100% okay with them ( or any part of my body that I can't deal with)for several minutes and I'll look at them and inspect them then later on I'm back to trying to find something to strap them down because the anxiety and panic is back that I don't have the right body. Once the break down was over I couldn't function for days. The dysphoria and depression just consumed me so I figured I needed to do what I needed to do. I cut myself off from that part of me emotionally and mentally. I hid it and I ran. I distracted myself with bad relationships,bad friends, the drug habit kicked up and I even became entangled in the crowd I never wanted to be in. I was a mess and as long as there was something else to worry about I didn't have to deal with myself. It worked for a long ass while but I was never happy. I've never felt joy after that breakdown. I had some contentment but that was it. The lows were manageable because once it starts I pick up a new thing to distract myself. Adult me discovered binders, bought a bunch of them with my first credit card. I was 18/19 and in college. I couldn't wait for it. Finally! I get to have a flat chest. They came and I couldn't be happier. I wore them every day from the time after I shower to just before I slept. Sometimes my mom would wake me to go to the store and I'll throw it on before my clothes. For a solid two years I wore it like my second skin. I went out to my first drink with my second brother with it on. Went to a gay club and picked up someone with it on. Worked in it even though that was a bad time. I was confident as hell. I was finally a step closer to myself. I was mistaken for a guy more often than not and that was fantastic. Then the inevitable happened. I lost them when my mom raided my room with no warning to clean it because it wasn't up to her standards and took all my laundry. I was frantic in looking for them. I was desperate. I kept asking mom where they are. I only ever got one of them back but I went into such a depressive state that shame and guilt and self doubt/hate came crashing back down on me and I couldn't wear it anymore. I went on a drinking bender at that point and I moved out at 20. 21 and I became an alcoholic for the next year. The truth that I'm stuck in this body slapped me so hard I slipped. I dropped out of college, drank from morning till night, was even drunk when I was at work. I just slipped. It was so easy but in the end I had to pick myself up. My family didn't notice much. Just that I was never home and mom and I had a blow out because she expects me home when no one is even home. When there's no food in the house because I didn't know how to cook at the time. She also kept pushing if I was gay and i admitted it. I was never gonna be ready so I just sucked it up and said it even though it felt wrong. Let me be clear as a transman man I'm not gay but right now I'm still seen as a cis woman. Im pre everything so I will, for now, say I'm gay. However, I'm a man trapped in the body of a woman and there is not much I can do until I start transitioning. After that horrible dip in my emotional instability I stopped binding. I just picked up shitty girlfriends after shitty girlfriends. Girls who were selfish and immature and made it all about them without giving back to me. I got stressed over that instead of my body and managing them is more doable than my body. Don't get me wrong I could've dropped them any time since I knew what I was getting into. My need to run from my dysphoria intensified my so called "need" to have them around. Did I love them? No. They were a means to an end and a way to distract myself. Have I ever loved any of them? I did love my first girlfriend but I never gave her what she deserved. When she broke up with me I was sad but I knew that she needed to grow into the person she wanted to be. I wanted her to find happiness even though it wasn't with me. So I let her go. Not completely tho. We're ish friends and I'd rather have that than nothing at all. At 24 I went back to school to finally graduate college. I picked up another shitty girlfriend for 7 months and 2 months after I ended my last relationship. My best friends just laughed and shook their heads at me because they can't believe I'm doing it again after I'm trying to get my shit together. But that was the last relationship I went into. The trans community started being more visible then. Acceptance for LGBT+ was at an all time high. Mom and I were okay. Things were looking up. Me being single was terrifying because I slowly started to unpack all my issues. I had supportive friends who won't leave me, my family is okay with me, I lived alone for a while but came back to mom's because her house is closer to the school and they've been trying to get me to move back in for the last four years. At 25 I just started unpacking and unpacking and unpacking and dear God the amount of issues I had to resolve with myself was a fucking lot. But the biggest is my dysphoria so I researched and read and watched a ton of vids to finally come to the conclusion that I'm trans. I'm trans not because I hate my body but because I believe I'm in the wrong one. It's terrifying to know that because there's no immediate remedy. I'm trapped and the process to switch is long, expensive and not permanent in a way I won't ever have the biological markers without outside influence. Having biological kids will be an issue too but I've always thought that I would never give birth to one, I've always assumed that I would adopt or somehow one of my friends will make me the guardian for theirs if they ever pass away. I've never felt compelled to have one of my own. A family yes but I would love any child in my family whether it's biological or someone else's. At 26, just had my birthday last month, I'm contemplating transitioning in the next year or so. I still have issues to work through but I think when I talk to a psychiatrist or counselor I would be okay. It's a lot to consider and I need to be sure it's the right way for me. In all honesty I'm pretty sure I'll transition. I've waited long enough I can wait a little longer to make an informed decision.

To whoever is reading this just know that it was hard and difficult journey for me but if you can accept the situation even just a little, enough to get you through until you can deal with it financially, emotionally and mentally it gets easier. Self hate is a very heavy burden to carry I wish it could be easier but youre a stronger person for it in the end. It helps to focus on other things to build your life. Finish school, have a good job, maybe a relationship because if you focus too much on the dysphoria once it's taken care of you will still have life in general to deal with and it's good to have the ideal life you want ready for you because you built it and you changing your body is the last piece to make it perfect.

[betinaserrano]

How to Get Away with Murder

How to Get Away with Murder is an American television series aired on ABC last September 2014 and ended May 2020. The series is created by Peter Nowalk with a genre of legal drama, mystery and thriller.

This is the most intriguing series I have ever seen. I binge-watched the whole six seasons on Netflix for a week. The suspense of each episode, the phenomenal cast, amazing writers and everyone who put this extra-ordinary series together were definitely worth of your time. The drama ended with a chilling and jaw-dropping plot twist.

Annalise Keating is a defense attorney and  law professor in Middleton University, Philadelphia. Every year, she chooses students from her class to be interns at her firm;  Connor Walsh, Asher Millstone, Michaela Pratt, Laurel Castillo and Wes Gibbins were chosen and named as "The Keating 5 or K5". Frank Delfino and Bonnie Winterbottom also work for Annalise. This is where she got entwined in a murder plot.

It all started in the case of a college student named Lila Stangard, where she was found dead inside a water tank of a fraternity house near their campus. The Keating 5 found out that Sam Keating, Annalise's husband and a psychology professor in Middleton, was having an affair with Lila. Rebecca Sutter is Lila's best friend and became the suspect to her death. Wes Gibbins who is part of the K5 helped her to bring justice to Lila's death but one night when they were all inside the Keating residence waiting for Annalise, the interns got an argument with Sam. They accidentally killed Sam and disposed his body. Laurel, Connor, Michaela and Wes cover up the murder of Sam and Annalise helped her students to get away with it. Rebecca wanted to go to the police and report what happened but she was secretly killed by Bonnie. Wes being paranoid looking for her, teamed up with Rebecca's foster brother to find her. The real killer behind Lila's death was Frank, who got his orders from Sam.

After Sam Keating's death, a lot of dead bodies were piling up. The next murders that they all got away were the deaths of A.D.A Emily Sinclair, Wallace Mahoney, D.A. Ronald Miller, Xavier Castillo, and Governor Lynne Birkhead.

Main Characters

Viola Davis as Annalise Keating

Annalise Keating is my favorite character in this show. She is a confident, powerful  and talented black woman who speaks the nation's truth about the justice system's discriminatory practices. And simply because she is Annaliese freaking Keating!

Annalise was born as Anna Mae Harkness in Memphis, Tennessee. She is the daughter of Ophelia and Mac Harkness. She has a sister named Celestine and a brother, Thelonious. When Anna Mae was still young, she was raped by her alcoholic uncle named Clyde, who was staying at their house while recovering financially. Ophelia saw Clyde coming out from Annalise's room and at that very moment, she knew that Clyde raped her daughter. A few days later, when Clyde was drunk and had a cigarette in his mouth, Ophelia started a fire and burn the house down with him inside.

When Annalise was in Harvard law school, she met Eve Rothlo and they became really close friends. Their relationship became romantic and when Annalise found out that she's pansexual, she got scared of her sexuality. Annalise and Eve were together until she met Sam Keating, who was her therapist that time. The two fell in love and it made Sam leave his wife, Vivian Maddox.

Billy Brown as Nathaniel "Nate" Lahey

Nate Lahey is a respected and tough Philadelphia police detective. In the beginning of the show, Nate and Annalise were having an affair. Nate was married to his wife Nia, who was in the hospital being treated due to her illness.

When Sam Keating died, Nate was and accused framed by Annalise to protect her students especially Wes. Nate being in jail, Annalise told him contact the lawyer that she's referring and it happened to be her former lover, Eve Rothlo.

Alfred Enoch as Wesley "Wes" Gibbins / Christophe Edmond

Wes Gibbins is a law student and  one of the so-called Keating 5.

In his earlier years, Christophe was an immigrant from Haiti to the United States with his mom, Rose Edmond. Rose was working as a maid in the Mahoney family at that time. When Christophe was 12 years old, his mother was called by Wallace Mahoney to be a witness for a murder and claim that she saw Charles Mahoney while cleaning  when Vickie was murdered. Rose refused due to the safety of her son but Wallace threaten to harm Christophe if she does not agree to lie in the stand.

Annalise was hired by the Mahoney's to represent Charles. She went to Ohio to approach Rose but during the trial, Rose did not show up and took his son to escape. At that time, Christophe did not know what was happening and does not want to leave.

Annalise went to Rose's apartment to tell her to testify but Rose took her life in front of her. Annalise was shaking, frightened and went home. When Christophe has returned to his home, he saw his mother lying on the floor with a knife on her throat. He pulled it out and the blood was dripping fast. He became the suspect of the death of his mother but there weren't enough evidence that he killed her and the police let him go. He was put into foster care and changed his name into Wesley Gibbins,

Jack Falahee as Connor Walsh

Connor Walsh was described as a sly, sexy, sophisticated and openly gay. He is also studying  law and one of the favored students of Annalise. He will do everything to earn his professor's admiration. During the case that they were working on, Connor slept with an I.T, guy named Oliver to gain evidence illegally. These two had an "on and off" relationship and ended up married on Season 5.

Aja Naomi King as Michaela Pratt

Michaela Pratt is an ambitious, overachiever who wants to be like Annalise.

In her younger years, her mother was shot by his father and this lead her to be taken by the social services. Michaela was adopted and raised by Trishelle Pratt along with her adoptive brothers and sisters. She grew up in a poor household and that made her wanting more from life.

She started dating a guy named Aiden Walker. They got engaged and had plans building a life together. Aiden was her ideal guy but Michaela has doubts on her fiance's sexuality. Later on when Connor found out that Aiden was Michaela's fiance, he said that they went to the same boarding school and had a relationship there.

Matt McGorry as Asher Millstone

Asher Millstone was born into a world of Ivy League educations and country club memberships. He is a rich law student of Middleton University. He went to law school to follow the footsteps of his father, Judge William Millstone.

During the death of Sam Keating, Asher was on his way to go to a party with the other students. As he was going to the bonfire, he passed by the house of Annalise and saw Connor's car in the driveway. He hurriedly knocked on the door and shouted to open it. He kept on walking on the streets and decided to party. He does not have any idea what happened to the other Keating 4 on that night. He felt left out every time his co-interns were whispering behind his back about the accident.

Karla Souza as Laurel Castillo

Laurel Castillo is a secret weapon in the making. A quiet, sensitive idealist who enrolled in law school to learn how to defend the less fortunate, Laurel manages to stay under the radar, making it easy for her fellow classmates to underestimate her. With a profound attention to detail and inventive mind, she's talented – and darker – than anyone realizes, including Annalise.

Laurel is the daughter of Jorge Castillo, the owner of Antares Technologies, a technological company which specializes in the manufacture of drones, pumps, among other things. When she was chosen to be part of the Keating 5, Laurel met Frank Delfino in A.K's firm. The attraction between the two was irresistible. But when Frank went missing on action on Season 2, she got closer to Wes. The two became a couple and had a son named, Christopher.

Charlie Weber as Frank Delfino

Frank Delfino's a local Philly boy who never thought he'd be the type of guy who wears a suit to work. But he also never thought he'd get to work for someone like Annalise Keating. Forever loyal and armed with hometown connections, Frank is ready to do Annalise's dirty work at every turn. His street-smart, tough-guy exterior makes him the ideal protector for Annalise.  His number one vice though? Sleeping with the students.

Frank was in jail for 10 years and got out with the help of Annalise. He works as a fixer and private detective in Annalise's firm. After being released from prison, Annalise brought Frank to Ohio to assist her in the Mahoney case. When he was having a drink in the hotel bar, a lady named Lisa whispered her room number. They started kissing but Lisa suddenly pulled a bag under the bed with money inside. She asked Frank to plant a bug inside Annalise's room.

Annalise got involved in a car accident and rushed to the operating room. She was 8 months pregnant back then and lost her son. Frank finds out that she lost the baby. He told Sam that he screwed up and it was his fault. Sam said that Annalise should never find out that Frank caused the accident.

On season 6, It was revealed that Frank was the child of Sam and his sister Hannah Keating. This made him mad and in order save Annalise, he did everything to protect her from Governor Birkhead. He shot the governor and died in the end.

Liza Weil as Bonnie Winterbottom

Bonnie Winterbottom appears sweet and kind, the perfect counterpart to Annalise, but she will show her claws when you least expect it. As Annalise's dedicated associate, Bonnie works around the clock to do all the behind-the-scenes casework, as well as help guide the students. Though she may reprimand Frank about his questionable decisions when it comes to his personal life, she is his biggest ally and protector. Besides, Frank knows that Bonnie has secrets, too.

When she was young, Bonnie was molested by her own father. She was raped, sexually abused and being taped by her parents, making her their source of income. At the age of 15, she got pregnant and while at labor, her parents told her that the baby did not survived but secretly taken by her sister. Bonnie files charges against the councilman who raped her and lose the case to Annalise. After that, she was offered by Annalise to get into law school and Bonnie agreed.

Conrad Ricamora as Oliver Hampton

Oliver Hampton is a computer genius who specializes in coding an hacking.

One of the many reasons that I enjoyed watching HTGAWM was the tandem and chemistry of the "Coliver" (Connor and Oliver). These two lovers will prove that true love exists no matter what the situation they are in, they will make through it all and last a lifetime.

The season finale was released last May 2020 and it broke my heart not seeing this squad again.

All photos credit to owners.

References

https://abc.com/shows/how-to-get-away-with-murder

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Get_Away_with_Murder#Cast_and_characters

https://www.fandom.com/topics/tv