#my brain: no sincerity allowed!!! only jokes!!!!!

[sovamurka]

my brain goes brrrrrrrr after so few hours of sleep BUT you won't believe how much timebomb content I just got

Fractured Jinx voice lines?

CRAZY. all three versions of Jinx talk to him differently and yet all three share one trait - they care. A LOT. she cares and has certain feelings towards him that she can't really put into words that well. she's not at all antagonistic towards him, even when she taunts him.

These ones break my heart honestly because they're not said mockingly. There is no malice, or joke. They're said with exasperation and sadness. She especially can't bear the way he looks at her (you should hear it yourself honestly).

Jinx ruins fixes everything?

THEY SHOWED US THE FIRELIGHT TREE. It seems like it happened a little bit after they sincerely talked with each other. Ekko showed her his little paradise and it's the first time we see so much light in this game. The entire place is so warm even Jinx herself warms up, she's is both calm and excited, she's... hopeful, actually. Ekko, what did you tell her? How did you console her? What kind of hug technique did you use to make her so hopeful?

Jinx assembled her final weapon (and named it Rhino) in Ekko's engineering room after exploring the room for spare details. She also finds a photo of Ekko and Benzo.

And when we explore the entire hideout... We encounter their circle bike that they build and upgraded together (yes, the one we saw when we explored Benzo's shop in Wild Rift, yes, the one that only he and Powder could use because Ekko did not allow anyone else to use it).

And oh... Did you know that she still can't forget the way he looked at her on the bridge? And that she never will?

This one obliterated me, actually.

[falmerbrook]

How I look reblogging posts about embracing your weirdness/being indulgent and how cringe culture is dead when I'm too scared to post anything about my favorite characters out of fear of someone getting mad at me or thinking I'm cringey

[toutvatoujoursbien]

Do you ever feel like this is a little too much of an echo chamber of people feeding each other crazy ideas so much that it becomes truth? I am floored by the N/L chemistry and would love them together if that’s what they want but they have never said that and it is feeling weird. Sometimes I feel gaslighted! I read something on Reddit about fandoms in general following this same pattern and I wonder if I have turned into a tin-hatter myself by shipping them (first time I have ever followed celebs like this). I hope this doesn’t get me blocked. I am feeling a little uneasy lately (I really lead a very normal life with plenty of friends and family and I “touch grass”) but just wondering if I am alone.

Anon, thank you for being brave and sending this ask. I know the past 24-ish hours have been absolutely insane in the fandom and I can understand that if anyone has a different opinion, they might be hesitant to share it (and I'm talking about BOTH sides of this "argument" right now - I know people are feeling riled up right now but everyone, please take some deep breaths). I want to make sure I'm answering your ask with thoughtfulness and sincerity, so here goes:

(Also, I started answering this ask at around 11 am EDT, so before some bombs started being revealed, IYKYK. So apologies, my brain is all over the place rn.)

I think it's totally possible to enter an "echo chamber" when it comes to fandoms and shipping. I will use myself as an example with how I was getting a lot of my info when I started in this fandom at the beginning of the year. I was really only on Twitter (cringe, I know...) and because I was interacting with one specific portion of the fandom, I had a skewed view of the whole situation. You are what your algorithm gives you on social media/what you teach it 😅 And even though I don't necessarily enjoy seeing certain things on my feed or timeline, at least for me here on Tumblr, it feels mostly less toxic.

I also think it's really understandable to feel gaslighted about the entire press tour and N/L's relationship. We watched dozens and dozens of interviews, behind-the-scenes and promos and I don't think it's a coincidence that so many in the general audience started to question whether or not they were dating. Like I keep saying, the chemistry is fucking off the charts between them. (Edit to add: I also don't think so many would have stumbled head over feet into this ship if it also wasn't for the deep and long-term friendship between them. I know that's what drew me in, for sure. There is HISTORY there.)

IMO, as much as we joke about our delulu and whatnot, I feel like as long as you're respectful and keep it to the appropriate corners of the internet, I don't think you've turned into a tin-hatter. The problem is when folks take it to their pages and/or feel entitled to individuals behaving a certain way, like an expectation is the given. Another issue I see is when projection starts to overtake para-social relationships. Lastly, I also want to emphasize that fandom/shipping is supposed to be fun and if you aren't feeling it anymore, then it's perfectly okay to take a break or move on.

Your feelings of unease are totally legitimate and you're allowed to sit in your thoughts and take time to process them!

For me personally, I'm taking the latest "photographic evidence" with grains of salt. I'm just not sure I believe a narrative other than N and JD are in the same friend group - a friend group who all attended the same festival for the most part. I'm also not sure what I think about these photos being dropped a week afterwards; the timing of all the various events over the past week is enough to raise my eyebrows, for sure.

I will also say - and this is probably an unpopular opinion - but if this rumored relationship turns out to be completely true - I will have the same issues about a power imbalance between N and JD because of their age, life experience, etc. I just have a hard time believing N, a woman near my age, would ever consider dating someone so young (and yep, aware that this is projection on my part). I just can't help but wonder that Nicola, someone we've witnessed be very private about her dating life over the last several years, has been so openly "caught" with JD without it raising my suspicions. It's at least enough to make me pause and question it all, you know? I won't get too deep into my conspiracy theories (maybe for a later post).

Anyway, I'm not sure if this has made you feel better, Anon. But I want you to know that you aren't alone. I'm always here to listen if you have any further asks 💕

[wen-kexing-apologist]

LITBC Part Three: Now Introducing, Kylie

Okay, it looks like I get to talk about what I am now claiming is my incredible, dead-center accurate read on Young and how his relationships continue to falter. In Part One, I talked about how I believed one of the biggest reasons that Young and Jaehee slowly drifted apart in their friendship was because at some point Jaehee got serious and Young still could not allow himself to experience deep emotion, brushing everything off as a joke. Pretending it didn’t matter. Pretending it didn’t hurt. 

And it’s curious to me because I feel like we got to see Young leaning in to the deeper emotions, the heavier pain during Part Two, but it wasn’t enough to alter him wholly, though considering how he describes his relationship with Gyu-ho as boring it seems like there are parts of him that are starting to change. Just…not enough because when it comes down to the actual tough, serious shit, he still can’t bring himself to feel it, to voice it. He can’t do anything but smile through it, and as someone who has dealt with people like that it is frustrating as fuck to try over and over again to be there for someone, to offer support, a listening ear, understanding and sincerity and just be met with a joke. 

Maybe it’s just cause I’ve spent more time in his head now, or maybe it’s because he’s starting to loosen his grip just a little, but the death by a thousand paper cuts was really bleeding through the chapter for me in relation to Young and how he navigates his HIV diagnosis. To be clear, I do not mind that he calls it Kylie, that he has put his own name to it, that he considers is a part of him, that it’s almost like family to him. But that does not negate the fact that he does not ever say it. He never says “HIV” not once in the entirety of Part Three does he write the words HIV.

He describes it all, how he got it, what his symptoms are (his description of the fever and the red patches matches common symptoms of acute HIV to a T), he jokes about it with his friends, and otherwise he keeps it hidden, until Gyu-ho becomes important enough in his life that he has no choice but to tell him. And in all these instances Young is taking it harshly. His healthcare providers don’t deliver the news with care, going the homophobic route of asking Young what sex position he prefers while delivering his diagnosis. 

You know what I find extremely interesting about this book so far is how terribly the healthcare industry has been presented. That is not to say there aren’t problems, there are plenty of problems with healthcare both systemic issues and individual provider issues, I am not necessarily trying to say he is wrong in his portrayal. I just noticed that in Part One we got Jaehee’s terrible shame-y doctor and Young’s terrible homophobic nurses, in Part Two we got the psychiatric facility that essentially tortured Young for six weeks before telling him his mother was actually the problem and offering him no additional support for what they had just put him through, in Part Three his providers are homophobic and not only that but Gyu-ho’s brother who is in medical school is described as the most dickish, vile, piece of shit to date. 

Young’s HIV diagnosis definitely recontextualizes some stuff from Parts One and Two, (forgive me for not going in to further detail, I was brain foggy when I ready Part Two last week and can’t recall a lot from it off the top of my head) but moreover it adds an additional layer to Young’s utter refusal to let himself feel. Every aspect of Young’s HIV diagnosis is harsh, the healthcare providers who break the news are harsh, T-ara’s jokes about the HIV+ guy they see walking past after Young is essentially forced to out his status (want to just call out the parallel here between Young having to out himself in college and then having to out himself with friends) are harsh, the barriers that he faces and his fears of discrimination in the workforce are harsh. The only person who is ever soft about it is Gyu-ho. 

And I do think that scares him, and where Young calls himself dickmatized for his boyfriend in Part Two, in Part Three he just keeps calling Gyu-ho cute, he and Gyu-ho live together for awhile, they split up but come back to one another, Young seems more settled. And honestly, I think that has a lot to do with the fact that they aren’t having sex. 

I feel the need to clarify, since book club has a lot of people who I don’t think are as familiar with my essay content, that I am not anti-sex. I don’t think that Gyu-ho and Young’s relationship is as successful as it is for as long as it is because sex is morally wrong and they shouldn’t be doing it or anything like that. I think that the absence of sex in Gyu-ho and Young’s relationship forces Young to actually consider what a relationship looks like to him and what he wants out of it. The Young we met in Part One was a fuck-the-pain-away kind of person, he and Jaehee got along so well partially because they were both sluts and therefore knew they could talk about their sexual encounters without being shamed or judged. 

In Part Two, Young really seems to use his boyfriend as a distraction from his mother and his mother’s treatments. He allows himself to ignore huge disparities in his relationship for some dick, he changes parts of himself for some dick, he attempts suicide after losing that dick. As the wise @bengiyo always says, dick is not magical, it cannot fix you. And Young really has to reckon with that in Part Three when he gets in to a relationship with a man who actually feels things, unlike himself, unlike Jaehee, unlike his ex because Young can’t use sex as a crutch. 

Full disclosure, I hadn’t heard about condom-associated erectile problems (CAEP) until reading this book. Had no clue that was a thing before. Bearing in mind that these studies are over a decade old, studies have shown that erection loss can occur in roughly 14-28% of people during condom application. At the time of Part Three, pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) which helps minimize the chances of acquiring HIV should you be exposed to the virus was not on the market in South Korea. Truvada and Descovy are the two branded PrEP medications, Truvada has been on drug markets since 2004 (when it was taken in combination with other medications) but was not approved for use without other med combinations in the United States until 2012, the first CDC guidelines for Truvada usage came out in 2014, and Truvada did not hit South Korean drug markets until 2018 with Descovy following close behind in 2019. PrEP is an incredibly important drug in HIV prevention because it reduces the risk of acquiring HIV via by up to 99% (and reduces the chance of getting HIV from injection drug use by 75%!) 

If PrEP had been around at the time, it would have been expensive and likely unaffordable for at a time when Gyu-ho’s income was helping to support not only himself by Young as well (Truvada in South Korea cost over $10 a pill and must be taken daily, so Gyu-ho would have had to shell out $300 a month for the medication alone). Compare that to the first antiretroviral treatment (ART) in South Korea, zidovudine which is supplied for free by the South Korean government, or their highly-active antiretroviral treatment (HAART) which was covered by insurance. Studies have shown that triple combination therapy, that is three different medications, were able to reduce HIV to undetectable levels within one month for 70% of patients and to 90% of patients within one year. Considering Young’s mention of liver protection medication, he is likely on a triple combination therapy. 

Is this a tangent? Yes. But did this all make me realize something? Also yes. Young never gets a blood test. With a consistent HAART regimen this is an extremely high likelihood that Young would have had an undetectable viral load. For those of you who don’t know how human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) works, the virus destroys white blood cells in your body which are used to fight infections, with a compromised immune system the chances of acquiring additional infectious diseases are high as are the chances of having extremely bad cases of those infectious diseases increasing your chance of death from things like pneumonia, or in a lot of HIV to AIDS progression cases kaposi’s sarcoma which is a type of cancer. 

The success of antiretroviral treatments is measured by how low of a viral load a person has (think of it like measuring how much HIV you have in you). Viral load is measured through blood work. When the viral load is low enough it becomes undetectable and when a person is undetectable they are untransmittable (U = U) meaning they cannot give HIV to their sexual partner. The U = U campaign didn’t really take off until 2016, so it is still entirely possible that had Young been undetectable at the time that he still would not know that he could not transmit the virus to Gyu-ho. But he never got a blood test. 

All of which is an extremely long winded way of saying that Gyu-ho had infrequent success at remaining erect while wearing a condom resulting in infrequent penetrative sexual encounters with Young because the best way to prevent transmission of HIV is through condom usage. But The King of Kings of Avoidant Personalities sent Gyu-ho to his first blood test and withdrew his job application and essentially forced Gyu-ho to break up with him rather than get the second blood test. So it is likely, and honestly very highly likely that any concerns Young had about the lack of sex he and Gyu-ho were having could have been solved by Young getting his bloodwork done and keeping an eye on his viral load. 

This of course also assumes that Young is keeping up with pretty meticulously with his treatment regimen, which he most likely is not. Inconsistent medication adherence not only makes it more likely that Young’s viral load would never reach undetectable levels, but also increases his risk of his HIV infection mutating and becoming resistant to antiretroviral treatments. Which is…bad.  

So let’s say that his viral load never reached undetectable levels, or they didn’t know U = U, and the condom problem still existed. Maybe it is just a western lens coming in to this, but I think with all the queer media I’ve consumed, with all the queer people I am around on a daily basis the dilemma that Young seems to be carrying around knowing that Gyu-ho wants to have sex and that his CAEP and Young’s status makes that very difficult I see and understand where the barrier comes in. But because Young never talks about anything, especially what is troubling him, there is no room to really talk about solutions to that problem. I think about relationship structures like polyamory or open relationships. I think about a number of non-penetrative ways they could have had sex or how they could have used sex toys. But again, I don’t have the cultural context to understand what gay culture is/was like in Korea, and I know these are not solutions that always work for everyone anyways.

But just like we will never know if Young was undetectable before Gyu-ho left for Shanghai, we will never know if alternative solutions to sex would have been feasible for this couple because Young whether through circumstance or his own volition is constantly trapped between a rock and a hard place. He won’t engage in open communication with Gyu-ho, he won’t be vulnerable with Gyu-ho, so he doesn’t know how the lack of sex is impacting Gyu-ho in their relationship. He doesn’t want to experience discrimination based on his HIV status and possibly lose out on a job so instead he blows up all chances of getting that job by withdrawing his application so that he doesn’t have to get tested. Not getting tested means he doesn’t have an accurate gauge of his health, which means he doesn’t have an accurate gauge of how safe it would be to have unprotected sex with Gyu-ho, which perpetuates the cycle. 

Young is running from his feelings, running from his pain, his loneliness, his fear. In Part One, Young and Jaehee started to drift apart after Young was not able to treat Jaehee’s abortion with sincerity; in Part Three, Young and Gyu-ho drift apart because Young is so scared of his HIV that he can’t even look it in the eye. He can’t even call it by its name. 

[helyiios]

Comfortable

(ethan/benji, pure fluff, this is an excuse to declare my undying love to simon pegg)

“C’mere,” Ethan softly calls out to Benji, holding out a hand.

They were hanging out in their hotel room, a movie on for the night—Suspiria, if he remembers well, and there were boxes of takeout he’d been forced to order on the small table in front of them, half-eaten, half-warm. The evening was calm. Their latest mission had allowed them to get some free time, something so rare these days that they’d jumped on the occasion to enjoy the boring aspects of life. They’d booked a room in Greece, with a view on the sea, and they’d gone around the island visiting and doing usual touristy things.

Ethan liked it. He liked the tranquility. The rest. Sure, running after terrorists was fun, and thrilling, but holding Benji’s hand sent the same adrenaline reactions to his heart and brain.

His hand is still held out. His partner makes his way towards him in a few steps, having gotten up to freshen up his face.

“Are you okay ?” he asks gently, settling himself on the couch again, leaning on Ethan’s lap. “Did something ha—“

“Nothing happened,” the other cuts him off with a smile, raising his hand to his cheek. It was warm, and soft. Despite the calluses, despite the small scars, he was still terribly soft. He loved that about him. “I just missed you.”

“I was gone a minute,” Benji retorts with a snort, “clearly we’ve gone without seeing each other for longer.”

“Mm.”

Ethan kisses his palm, nuzzling his nose against it. His eyes shoot back up, wide and impossibly green, with small flecks of gold that only Benji had ever noticed. He looks like an endearing puppy, handsomely boyish with his hair down.

“You’re beautiful,” he breathes out, taking the younger man by surprise. “You’re so beautiful, Benji.”

Benji blinks, clearly surprised by his declaration. He does not pull back, though, basking in his warmth instead. He offers him a half-disbelieving smile, something a little shameful and self-pitying.

That wouldn’t do.

“I mean it,” Ethan says again, a little more forceful. “Sometimes I look at you and I can’t…breathe. I wonder what I’ve done to deserve to be with someone like you. Everything about you is so perfect.”

“It’s not.”

“To me, it is.”

“I’m not that special,” Benji tensely replies, “I’m just…me.”

“You’re so dear to me, though. I love everything about you, the shape of your eyes, because it’s so delicate, and the way your hair looks blond under the sun but brown in the shade, your heterochromia, your moles and your sharp canine…everything that makes you special. You’re a gorgeous man, Benjamin Dunn,” his lovers murmurs, kissing his face reverently, like he was a sacred idol. “And you’re mine. It’s a chance I can never get behind. Everyday I am humbled to be able to be in your presence.”

The other smiles sincerely this time, letting himself be loved. Ethan’s mouth is soft, and his lips are not chapped anymore. Each kiss feels like a cleansing. Like holiness.

“You exaggerate.”

“You don’t realise it, do you ? Your kindest, your intellect…you really do have it all, don’t you ? Leave some for the rest,” he jokes, pulling back to stare in his eyes, irises crinkling in mirth. “Yours is the only voice I’ll trust no matter what. Forever. You could tell me to do the wildest things and I would follow. I’d follow you into the darkest pits of Hell, Benji. Because even then, I would be with you.”

“Ethan…”

“I breathe for you. My heart only beats for your laugh, for your smile. I was created for you and you only.”

Ethan’s face is serious now, yet impossibly fond and smitten. He’s cupping Benji’s cheeks, eyes flicking back and forth, landing on his mouth. The thin yet oddly red lips looked like the sweetest of cherries.

He wants nothing more but to bite them.

“I love you,” Benji can only answer, holding the other’s shirt, pulling him towards himself, nearly tipping him off. “More than words could ever say. You’re…you’re everything to me.”

“My wonderful, smart, sweet partner,” Ethan mutters, kissing him at last, sighing against his lips. He’d trapped him on the couch, keeping him in between strong thighs. “I can’t believe I got so lucky. I can’t believe the universe allowed me to meet you.”

“And I, you.”

They stare back at each other, feeling mirth bubble in their chests as they started laughing, low, genuine.

“I meant it, though,” Ethan adds again. “That you’re so terribly handsome. It drives me mad. I love you so much I wish I could carve you open and make one with you, just…just be close to you. Forever.”

“Come closer, then,” Benji murmurs, kissing him wildly, pushing him against him desperately, one leg hooked on his lower back. “Be close to me, Ethan Hunt.”

“Yeah,” he breathes out, closing his eyes. “I can hear your heartbeat, Benji.”

The other smiles. The sun is starting to set, and the waves crash idly on the beach.

“It beats for you, my love.”

[bugflies00]

I continue to wonder since you said fostering au wilbur continues to be entirely in denial and Not Realizing for some time after he and quackity re-meet how exactly DOES the Feelings Realization TM go down qcihdtiwdzgd

OOOH well its very gradual and very much a disaster because. well. its him .

i think i said they remeet when theyre around 22-23, and at the time wilbur was in a really bad relationship that he only breaks off two or so years later. his girlfriend was very controlling and always bringing him down and making comments about him, his appearance, his interests, what he ate, etc. so needless to say wilburs already absolute dogshit self esteem is so further down the gutter it’s actually Wow look it pierced a hole into the ground from how far down it is.

this is important context because it’s part of why he takes soooo long to realise his feelings, he’s just so deeply entrenched in trying to make his girlfriend happy and love him and to appease everyone that he doesn’t realise. its what i call his “ghostbur” era - none of this stuff is actually strictly based on the bursonas, but i find he does follow a similar pattern of evolution, and at that point in his life he’s trying to be the biggest people pleaser possible after realising that being the unapproachable loner he was in high school would only leave him alone (also bc his abandonment issues got worse after sally left). his new relationship makes that worse also.

in the beginning him and q are just sort of awkwardly tiptoeing around each other considering they last left each other with a bajillion things unsaid and they are extremely determined on keeping said things unsaid. they start to grow back into friends, albeit more normal friends than the absolute mess of a situationship/frenemies they were in high school. theyre still themselves meaning they can’t go a second without aggravating each other, but its definitely friendlier.

and as time goes by some of their joke flirting gets a tad bit too real sometimes- quackity will make a joke and stare at him a moment too long, or wilbur will stutter out of nowhere, etc.

but wilbur still has a girlfriend!!! so as usual he shoves his head in the sand and he takes melatonin so at night he falls asleep instantly without having the time to yearn or reflect lmao. (for the record i do not condone this if your feelings change communicate that with your partner etc)

time progresses, every stranger they meet think theyre either married, sworn enemies, or fucking each other. meanwhile wilburs relationship grows worse and worse, he’s fallen deep into an eating disorder (while he was already struggling with bad eating habits pretty much his whole life it gets much worse then), hes struggling with self harm a lot, and its just not a great time. his friends keep trying to convince him to break things off, especially tommy who, since he lives with them, has seen a lot of shit and absolutely despises wilbur’s girlfriend’s guts and makes this very well known.

eventually they do break up (its a longer story than that but it would require its own post) and wilbur falls deep into a depressive episode. it makes him doubt for so long if he did the right thing, if he just should’ve sucked it up and taken whatever scraps of love he was given, but in reality the depressive episode had been a LONG time coming its just his brain was in survival mode. he never felt safe enough with her, so subconsciously his brain only allowed falling into depression again once it was safe to do so.

and so my point is that with all these things happening he’s absolutely nowhere near ready to accept his feelings. meanwhile q is pining hard - that man is going through it LMAO trying to support his friend (they still pretend to be frenemies) whilst shoving down his own shit. he’s one of the few people wilbur feels safe with (even though theyve gotten into fistfights and q has sincerely threatened his life on several occasions), mainly because, in a way, q knew him at his worst (high school) and still came back. so he has more trust in him than some of his other friends because hes convinced he’s manipulated them into thinking hes better than he is.

anyway q is planning this trip for an internship he’s doing for his law degree, and he has to leave for a month or two. wilburs 25th birthday rolls around, and he knows q wont be able to be there. he’s already still feeling shitty, not really entirely out of that depressive episode, and he’s ready to just have a lame birthday and go back to rotting in his bed.

and then (this is so cliché LET ME LIVE) theyre about to do the cake whatever and tommy yells announces they have a surprise and he turns around and wham! quackity standing there looking downright exhausted, with his suitcases around him and the airplane neck pillow still around his neck (he came straight from the airport). wilbur runs to hug him and, to me, that moment is the kickstarter that forces him to start actually realising whats happening.

first off because theyre not exactly huggers but that one was so spontaenous and it felt so right!! second because hes already sad and a bit emotionally volatile and the fact that q cared enough to rush and try his best to make it to his birthday moves him a whole lot. and finally because well yeah he’s madly in love with him but the only thing he says is to ask whether the eyebags q got from jetlag are a fashion statement in europe or if hes just reaching for the raccoon look.

theres definitely more moments after that (they take a LOOONG time to get together. and so much pining. its so bad) but i just think that moment is really sweet and also i love how their relationship progresses over time

[doubledyke]

gonna stick these two together since they're both for eddy

1. my first impression of him: as a kid i'm sure i thought he was a real jerk. but like i did for edd i'll go based off of my impression when i was first in the fandom years back. i remember feeling some type of way about eddy, especially in the later seasons. i was way more annoyed and troubled by the unnecessarily asshole-ish stuff he did. now i just find it all hilarious and feel sorry for him. these days i'm an eddy apologist through and through. there's not a negative trait in him that i can't come up with an excuse for and/or find the humor in. oh i also remember liking him mostly bc he was cute with edd and i love edd. but over time....

2. when i truly started to like him: my opinion of him became more nuanced until it turned into what it is now which is that of a full blown stan. when i became jaded by the dedicated edd fandom it probably allowed room for eddy to infect my already vulnerable brain.

4. how many people i ship him with: really only edd. any time i think of him with someone else it's basically as a joke/for the novelty. i genuinely can't think of someone else i'd seriously ship him with.

6. my least favorite ship with him: i can't say there are any that i think about enough to dislike. i'm pretty unwavering in my opinion that he's like a 5.5 on the kinsey scale, so putting him in straight ships doesn't do much for me, other than maybe provide an opportunity to explore another aspect of his character.

7. a quote from him that i remember: "my brother was a whiz at chewin' ice cubes." no idea what that's supposed to mean but it's absurdly funny.

8.my favorite outfit of his: my favorite is the yellow hoodie but of course i have to include others

9. my least favorite outfit of his: these greasy suit jackets and ties are hilariously awful. this must be how his dad dresses.

10. describe the character in one sentence: it's so obvious but "a little childhood trauma builds character."

11. the first thing i think about when i think of eddy: slurs. and this image

12. sexuality hc: gaaaaaaaaaaaay

18. what do i think he was like as a (younger) kid: i think little eddy was very curious and even more sponge-like than most kids. gullible, as anyone is at that age. very sensitive and sincere until he was programmed into seeing those things as flaws and weaknesses by the toxically masculine figures in his life.

25. when did he act the most out of character: i always think about the xmas special. it makes me wonder what would've happened if he hadn't immediately been tempted by santa's giant sack.

26. when do i think he was being most himself: i guess at the conclusion of bps?? if i recall, it was you @gettingfrilly who said he feels the most out of character AND most himself at the end of bps and i agree. eddy's not the apologizing type so it's more meaningful when he says he's sorry and comes off as uncanny. the fact that he knew the other shoe was gonna drop at some point is so sad lol. letting down the facade obviously reveals his true self and simultaneously seems ooc cuz his character is largely a front.

28. the most unnecessary thing he ever did: lbr most of the shit he did in the show was unnecessary. it's hard to pick the worst of all, but i'll go with the swamp prank. i know it's in his blood, but damn dog. edd was already on the brink of collapse by that point, so pretending to die a horrific death for the second time in one already awful day wasn't his brightest idea. but eddy is nihilistic as hell, especially during the final stretch of the series and into the movie so it comes as no real surprise.

[jewwyfeesh]

The Detective's Banquet 1

Writer: Mitsuki

Character(s): Shino Hajime, Mashiro Tomoya, Hidaka Hokuto, Sakuma Ritsu, Isara Mao, Hasumi Keito, Sakuma Rei, Kazehaya Tatsumi, HiMERU, Shiina Niki

Translated by: jewwyfeesh

Hokuto: Analysis result: no signs of life have been detected.

Season: Autumn Location: Luxury Hotel Room

[A dark and stormy night, in a certain hotel room…]

Tomoya: How did it end up like this…

At first, it was meant to be a one-off banquet with inference and logical reasoning as its main theme, but… suddenly, there was a real case to be solved.

Due to the unexpected rainstorm, the once comfy holiday spot became an island isolated from the outside world. Everyone’s stuck here, unable to leave.

We were like beasts trapped in a cage – despite looking for clues all over the place, wracking our brains trying to reason it out, we still couldn’t find the killer hidden amongst us.

As time went by, I had an ominous premonition. That’s why I’m here, recording, narrating my side of the story as truthfully as I can.

Afterwards, I’ll hide the memory card away. If something unexpected were to happen to me, I hope that there would be someone who’ll find the clues I’ve left behind, and bring the truth to light.

I remember that—

……?!

W-who…? Who’s there!

???: It seems like you didn’t close your door fully, ‘High School Student Detective’.

Location: Dead End Cafe

[The afternoon before, in the holiday resort’s main cafe area]

Rei: Dearest detectives, welcome to this island, an island far away from any hustle and bustle. I have prepared a banquet to welcome you seven, and of course, in this feast of inference… mysteries do run aplenty.

While we are to temporarily stay within the boundaries of the hotel due to the sudden storm, I assure you that the service here is the best of the best.

As the owner of this island, as well as the organizer of the banquet… Without further ado, kindly allow me to introduce the detectives that have gathered here today.

First of all, we have my little brother, Ritsu. The media has bestowed upon him the title of ‘Vampire Detective’, but I sincerely doubt those reports that shower him with praise have sufficiently showcased Ritsu’s unparalleled intellect and cuteness—

Ritsu: Haha, anija really loves to joke, doesn’t he? There are other skilled detectives here as well, and I don’t intend on making a fool of myself in front of the real experts. Please pay him no mind, and enjoy the banquet.

Rei: I’m sure everyone’s heard of this person — possessing superb reasoning ability and the ability to solve a case without stepping foot on scene… we have the aptly named ‘Armchair Detective’!

HiMERU: Thank you for the invitation, Sakuma-san. HiMERU is very happy for this opportunity to engage the other detectives in discussions of reason.

Tatsumi: I didn’t expect to see you here, HiMERU-san; I really do look forward to working on solving these with you ♪

HiMERU: Likewise. HiMERU wasn’t expecting to bump into you here either.

Tatsumi: Aah, I almost forgot to introduce myself to you all. I’m Kazehaya Tatsumi, a pastor from a nearby church. I happened to have helped solve a few cases while working. As such, I was referred to as the ‘Clergyman Detective’.

Mao: Both an idol and a detective, I am Trickstar’s Isara Mao ☆

Despite being called the ‘Idol Detective’, I only helped to investigate a case before a concert, which allowed the event to proceed as planned… it’s not really something worth boasting about…

Hajime: I’m the ‘Part-time Detective’ Shino Hajime. If you need anything, please feel free to approach me ♪

Tomoya: Erm… I’m the ‘High School Student Detective’, Mashiro Tomoya… Nothing special about me.

(Why are all the acting roles I get so plain… At the very least, I would’ve liked a higher rank or title of some sort… something like ‘Super High Schxxl Detective’, maybe. That does sound way cooler.)

(Ah, Hokuto-senpai’s about to do his introduction! I better pay attention.)

Hokuto: Hidaka Hokuto. ‘Bionic Detective’. Serial Number 3A1217.

Tomoya: (I nearly forgot that Hokuto-senpai’s character is an android who uses arithmetic calculations to emulate personalities… It does sound very difficult to pull off, but Hokuto-senpai definitely won’t have a problem!)

Rei: Now that everyone has gotten to a little more about the companions you’ll be embarking on this analytical journey with… Before we kick start the competition of brains and observational skills, let us first enjoy a pleasant banquet ♪

As wine will inhibit the brain’s precision and function, kindly allow me to use this cup of blood red tomato juice to prevent that—

……?!

Ritsu: Anija?!

H-how could this happen? W-why did he suddenly collapse?

Hokuto: An anomaly has been detected. Automatically running the body scan—

Analysis result: no signs of life have been detected.

Commencing further testing—

Analysis result: fingernails are pink, complexion is cherry red, and there’s a smell of bitter almonds near the lips. Cause of death tentatively determined to be cyanide poisoning.

Ritsu: Wh-what…?! No, no! I don’t believe it…

Mao: ……

Hajime: Ritsu Onii-chan… Wait no, ‘Vampire Detective’-san, please restrain your grief…

HiMERU: That’s right. HiMERU reckons that the most important thing right now is to ascertain the identity of the killer. According to what Sakuma-san said earlier on… due to the raging thunderstorm, everyone is to stay within the boundaries of this hotel for their own safety. That’s to say—

Tatsumi: That person may very well be hiding amongst us.

HiMERU: ……Yes.

Tomoya: (Whatever happened was really unexpected, yet everyone’s quick on their feet to react! I need to keep up!)

If he was poisoned after consuming the tomato juice, that means that the poison must’ve come from either the juice or the cup, right?

​​Mao: Indeed, these methods of poisoning are more convenient than others. May I ask who has previously handled these items?

Niki: I was the one in charge of the food and drink for this banquet, but I wouldn’t think of poisoning such holy food!

Keito: The cutlery was prepared by me. Sakuma-san and I grew up together, close like brothers[1]. I have no motive to kill him.

Ritsu: I was the one who handed him that glass of tomato juice… if I had known earlier…

Hokuto: Analysis complete. Lethal doses of toxins were not found in the juice nor the vessel.

Tomoya: —EH?!

Translator's notes: [1] 情同手足 - an idiom that directly translates to "as close as one's hands and feet", which means like brothers / with a brotherly love for each other

Chapter 2 →

[herunswithscissors]

Friends of ours lost their 22yo son to suicide recently. He was struggling, but kept the depth of it hidden. There are no words of comfort to give, only grieving alongside those who have lost one that they love.

A good friend pointed out that in the midst of this weeping, while it does not diminish the grief, perhaps something good might come out in that those who are similarly struggling with thoughts of suicide might get some perspective that their lives matter beyond the tiny world mental illness traps you in. Your life matters and is worth living.

Our brains are a precariously balanced mix of meat, electricity, and chemicals. Sometimes because of our experiences and/or biology our brains begin to lie to us. It withholds joy and pleasure. "It’s like trying to laugh at a joke that isn’t funny. Trying to smile for a photo you don’t want to be in. It’s like waking up in the morning and hating that you actually woke up. It feels like someone is just draining the energy out of you all the time, every moment you are awake." Doing anything requires immense willpower. Just plain old staying alive becomes a conscious choice made over and over again. You are just so tired and everything is just too much to deal with. The constant state of suffering leads one to try various ways to feel something positive, feel anything, or just escape the emptiness. It's why depressed people try so hard to bring joy to others and help others- they want to prevent others from suffering too and it allows them to feel some happiness vicariously.

The inevitable diminishing returns on the attempts to feel better, feel anything, or just escape eventually lead to the conclusion that there is only one way out of this hell. And depression shrinks our awareness of our own meaningfulness and inner world. The void is all we can perceive. The knowledge that we are loved, cared for, or important is lost. We can sincerely believe that our loss will not so drastically affect our loved ones and escape through death is a viable option.

These are all false of course. Falsehoods our sick brain tells us with honesty, because suicide is quite reasonable given what we are perceiving.

If you are feeling like you don't want to be here, wishing you would not wake up, desiring an accident, imagining about killing yourself, drugging yourself into oblivion, or seriously thinking about if or how you might kill yourself, you need to talk to someone. I got lucky. Someone who loves me more than I love myself saw me spiraling into self-destruction and made me get help and continues to support me in spite of myself. I spent years where my full-time job was not research or teaching, but just keeping myself alive. It's still my job now and then. But the difference now is that after many years of therapy and prescriptions I know that feeling is temporary and false.

I'm sorry it hurts so much right now. When you have some distance from these feelings (I hope that you will give yourself the chance to), I hope you can see that your life is worthwhile and important because you are.

But the only way out is through and that requires talking. I hope you have people nearby who love you you can talk to. If you do, talk to them. If you don't, this will be harder. Either way, you should also get into counseling. A good counselor will help you find ways to survive, build better mental pathways, & develop tools for processing emotions.

Brutal honesty- American mental health treatment system is shit and difficult to navigate. We have far too few professionals in many areas and online is often the only option. But you are a fighter. Look at you all alive and shit when depression has been trying to kill you 24-7. Live a little bit longer. You can do it. And if you are going to live a little bit longer, counseling can help you live it a little bit better.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Longass Crop Circles Notes (I Don't Think I've Changed Chapter Two):

I don't want to talk about how many weeks these notes have been sitting in my notes app because I couldn't bring myself to go through them yet. My sincere apologies @spicymiilk

-Ah that incredibly relatable feeling when you want to get to one part of your story and you have to force yourself to slog through to get to it. It happens to us all.

-KIRI AND LO’AK GOING TO SPECIAL SCHOOL WHILE NETEYAM IS REGULAR IS SO FUNNY TO ME. Poor Lo’ak I’m being so mean to him. But you really want their asses GONE gone.

-Calling Jake a white man and saying he can’t understand their hair is so funny. Dude NEVER helped with ANY of his kids hair ever??? He’s never done Neytiri’s for her because he’s her bitch? Come on Jake, I expected more. Even I’ve done my cousins hair a few times. Maybe Spider will fare better?

-Obsessed with the way Neteyam is about his morning routine and solitude, it jives so well with my opinion of him. He’s got to have things his way, and under his control. Taken care of well. He’s going to have a field day with Spider. I see we are already leaning heavily into Neteyam’s "I can fix him" complex. Even when he wants to help Jake, which I know is something wheelchair users don’t often want if it’s something they do all the time themselves. It’s the innate feeling of standing by and doing nothing while watching someone struggle, when it’s their day to day life. And if that isn’t Neteyam’s whole thing? I’m obsessed with how he just cannot handle anyone else’s bad vibes without trying to fix it right away. Speaking of;

-If there is not a moment where Jake allows Neteyam to help him when he needs it, I will throw myself off a bridge, Andrei. ~growth~ the opportunity is there and it’s ripe.

-JAKE AND NETEYAM BANTER, I did not realize I was in a drought until I got a little bit of rain and I realized I was DYING OF THIRST. PARCHED FOR THEM.

-Jake “Detective” Sully: You are gay, son, try not to be too gay to the new foster kid you stalk at the local Micky Ds.

-I am literally obsessed with My Father Jake Sully who was neglected and hurt as a child being the most desperate man alive to connect with and heal kids in the same situation he was in. It fits so so well in his character for me. I feel like he spends most of his life trying to heal old wounds and make up for the past, in a way.

-Neteyam “I thought this kid was named Miles for years but I guess legally on his birth certificate it def must say Spider because it couldn’t be a nickname, that’s for sure” Sully

-I am CACKLING at them both lying to each other about McDonalds as though they both don’t know exactly how often the other one is there because they both find the other hot I’m dead.

-Spider mad at Norm for enforcing child labour laws has me wanting to make memes about it. The children truly do yearn for the mines.

-All the tiny little details of how Spider focuses on the people around him, on their moods and their movements and the way his brain works is so well done. That survival mindset takes years and years to unlearn, if you ever can fully. It’s well done as always.

-OH MY GOD EVEN NEYTIRI ALSO THINKS NETEYAM IS BEING TOO GAY THIS IS AMAZING.

-Justice for Jake, I will get him one of the cars paralyzed people can drive. Also his joke about driving Neytiri up the wall? HE’S A COMEDIAN. GET HIM A NETFLIX SPECIAL.

-Spider can’t look at Tuk because he was close with a little abused foster girl, where is the nearest bridge. NO REST FOR US, ANDREI?? ALL THE PAIN AND TRAUMA POSSIBLE CRAMMED INTO ONE EPIC.

-God the line about Spider’s therapist saying that his habit will lead him down a dangerous path, but he doesn’t understand why because he only ever hurts himself because he doesn’t see damage to himself as damage because he doesn’t see himself as worthy? Not worthy of the phone, of food, of attention or love? Truly my fav paragraph of the chapter. You are a master at establishing a character in a few subtle lines. It's a tactic that I only get after a few rewrites; instead of saying "Neteyam wants to fix everyone" you show us him in a situations where he wants to and can't help. Instead of telling me Spider doesn't care for his own safety, you tell me he's confused by his therapist saying his coping is dangerous. Instead of saying emotion, tell me something that would make me feel that emotion. Writing 101, and yet so hard to pull off properly.

-I laughed out loud at Neteyam trying not to look at Spider’s muscles I am dying. Neteyam should ask him out loud.

-EVEN TUK HAS IT ON LOCK, SHE SAYS NETEYAM HAS A THING FOR PEOPLE WHO SOUND A LITTLE SAD. This is so not funny but so funny because it’s all specifically for me.

-Neteyam later in life is like that dumbass gum commercial where the guy reveals he’s been keeping the gum wrappers every time the girl gives him one and drawing on them when and where she gave it to him? That’s Neteyam when the piles and piles of smiley face receipts fall out of his trench coat pockets.

-“I didn’t realize that was you” filthy liar. Spider’s smiley face drawing rizz is crazy. You bet your ass he wasn't doing that to every fuckers receipts.

-WHAT ON EARTH IS LO’AK DOING AT SMART PERSON SCHOOL, EVEN YOU DON’T KNOW ANDREI.

-THE CUTE BOY AT THE WINDOW ASKED FOR HIS NUMBER? AS IN, SPIDER, PHONELESS SPIDER, OR ANOTHER SNEAKY BASTARD BUTTING IN.

-Also these people have real memory problems, I’ve never forgotten any awkward interaction I’ve ever had in my entire life, especially not with a crush. I couldn't hear my crush at a party last year and I just laughed and said yeah and she was like "no I asked what you think" and not a single day goes by it doesn't play behind my eyelids like the DVD in The Ring. So, unless Spider has asked every single man at McDonalds out, he remembers when he asked a guy out and the guy sped off like he had a warrant out from Dominic Toretto.

-Oh my god, it was Spider. And this man sURVIVED that encounter? This man who can’t survive a strong breeze rn? What was he going to do with number, call him from phone booths? Send smoke signals to the write telephone wire? I am cackling at the idea that he had rehearsed this so many times and yet never actually thought through not having a phone.

-The smiley face on the paper. That revived Spider from his death post awkward encounter. There will be smiley faces on the invitations to their wedding and only Tuk will understand.

[artpunk-intl]

“OFF BOOK WITH BRENDAN WELLS”

ArtpunkINTL interviews BRENDAN WELLS (Uranium Club, Brendan Wells Plant Music, NERV) about Art, inspiration, chess, and the joy of not having the answer.

Interview by Lucas Rose for ArtpunkINTL, 2022

[FULL INTERVIEW TEXT BELOW]

As a unique mode of Art performance and creation, what does The Uranium Club mean to you? How does it allow you to express yourself in ways that other projects don’t? Please be as abstract as you can.

BW: For my involvement with it, the goal is as much communication as possible. I want an album to encourage someone to spend time with it, the type of thing you take into the bathroom to read and look over. I want to approach things with an intent to express ideas everywhere we can: in lyrics, on the center label, the clothes we wear, the things said on stage in between songs, on the album spine, anywhere we can find. I'd like our choices to be conscientious over automatic (are we doing something a certain way because that's how it's done or do we choose it because it will serve us?), and while other times we can be spontaneous then hopefully that spontaneity can be another weapon or resource for ideas, maybe something to reverse engineer into a reference or plot point to inform what we do next. 

The way I view art, everything you do as an artist says something, whether it's process, medium, message, product etc. I don't know that everyone sees that, that when you make an unthoughtful choice it can communicate that you aren't paying attention to what you're doing. Are you invested in me as an audience member? I think in ways I'd also equate unthoughtfulness with insincerity, which is maybe a big jump, but maybe at least a lack of sincerity, and when sincerity isn't present that's just as obvious (and it is obvious!) as insincerity. You can be sincere and make something terrible but at least it won't be boring, I think. There is a lot of filler in products. And I get that, it's easier that way. 

In that sense I think Uranium Club chooses to be difficult, and sometimes it's a difficult or slow or frustrating process for us, to be honest. But the filler concept reminds me of a promo video for Steve Martin's master class on stand up comedy where he says a big mistake people make is to walk out on stage and say something to an audience like "Hi, how is everyone doing tonight?" It's a mistake because you have missed an opportunity to make a joke. Everything is an opportunity to make a joke. Take out the filler and you might only be left with a little bit after that but now maybe you've stumbled into the power of minimalism. 

There’s something about the Uranium Club that feels medical. Songs often come across as stories from the medical or psychiatric fields, telling tales of altered personalities, hidden selves, sickness, sudden traumatic change, proximity to death, and morbid comedy. What motivates the band’s songwriting? What sort of thing could cause a member of the Club to stop and think “I should make a song out of that?”

BW: Speaking for myself as one of three writers in the band, I'm a curious person, lots of Wikipedia and using the interlibrary loan service to spontaneously request books on subjects and artists that pop up on my radar. I jump around between a lot of different interests and thoughts so if something sticks in my brain and keeps my attention then I'll start to ask myself if it could become a song. It has to be something that keeps inviting questions and thoughts beyond what sparked interest in the first place. Even better, I like when even after making a song about something I feel like I could keep writing on the subject because every new angle I view it from invites more investigation. Subjects that involve a moral grey area do that for me, partially because something that makes me laugh is to hear a strong, one-sided opinion on a subject. 

One of the funniest characters is one who is confident and wrong. I think subjects around medicine, psychiatry, etc are meaty because of the complicated relationship between science/fact and the personal experience behind/around it. Science has connotations of being right about things, of perfection and rules and infallibility, but what about when things get complicated, when you invite in questions of morality and suffering and the times it turns out you've been wrong for years about something? That's confusing, and I think a lot of my expression comes out of exploring confusion. 

Digging around, it’s not hard to find references to an unreleased Uranium Club short film. From my own understanding, the cover art for The Cosmo Cleaners is a relic of this film. What can you recall about that film? Was it ever finished? Was it ever real? If so, are there any future plans for it?

BW: The band members do love Film, and sometimes we try to watch the same movies to be on something of the same page. But one of my favorite ways of taking in Art is through photos of Performance Art. Do you ever hear something about a book or a movie that gets you excited but then the real thing doesn't quite capture what you wanted? That's how I feel about most B-movies; I don't watch them, I get bored. There's a performance piece I love by a Chinese artist Song Dong called Stamping the Water where he is standing in a lake with a large printing block with the symbol for water on it and he slaps it against the water. I feel like I also saw a video of the performance and the video took the magic out of the action for me. The most compelling version of the piece I think is just one photo accompanied by the title. 

Titles are really important, I think. It's like a secret lyric that changes the way you hear the song. It expands the narrative, like this weekend when I saw the house of some kids I went to school with who I thought were rich but now the house is abandoned and boarded up. I asked my mom and she told me it's because the parents got divorced and their dad accidentally killed someone while driving a speedboat drunk. 

But then holding back some information is compelling too, like how my mom said the dad is dead now too, but didn't say why, so I'm left with questions. I do think movies are great, though, and watching a movie can be more inspiring for me than any other way of taking in Art, even though I have trouble sometimes allowing myself to watch a movie because I worry it's not time well spent if I'm not sick or tired. 

Has anybody followed the instructions on the Two Things At Once 7”?

BW: Maybe once, I think. One of the most flattering things I can experience is when somebody lets me know they were listening and they remember what I said. It might be too much to say that I make art or music because I never felt listened to when I was a kid, but if I want to believe what I've learned in the years of therapy I've had then maybe I can admit that. It's vulnerable to express yourself but on the part of the audience I think it also takes vulnerability to participate—to choose to answer someone's question instead of letting it hang as rhetorical. It's a transformative choice, kind of like a magic spell you help complete. It makes the outcome less certain, more charged, more in the moment. 

There's this great concept called going "off book" in chess that fits for that. At some point in the world of chess they started keeping a record of every move ever made in tournament play. During a game of chess, every move made makes it a little less like every game played before it, but you can still play an entire game of chess and know that the same choices in the same order have been made before. It is increasingly rare as more games are played and more data is created through that, but if you make a choice that has never been recorded before, the game is now "off book." It's not safe to do that, but it can mean the difference in whether or not there ends up being a Wikipedia article about that chess match. Despite the connotations you might make for words like creativity and Art, a lot of experiences with Art and Music are "on book." If somebody asks you to do something for the sake of Art—clap, answer a question, whatever—I think you should do it because that is a step in the direction of making the experience a little bit less like every experience that came before it. 

NERV was explosive, abrasive, and aggressive, a wonderful combination of Powerviolence and original flavor Hardcore Punk. What did you learn with NERV that stuck with you? 

BW: I learned to err on the side of spontaneity when it comes to performance. So many times I came up with an idea beforehand, like jumping at a certain moment (or especially with anything I thought would be funny to do or say) and it would turn out so lifeless. It's like giving birth and a wet potato coming out instead of a baby. I'd expect laughter and there would be none and I would feel so stupid, or I would do something and realize I was forcing it into the wrong moment. There are comedians who will work so hard to make their thoughts seem spontaneous when they've actually been delivering the same lines for years, and that can make for a good joke and speak to the mastery of their performance, but that joke can be matched or exceeded if it turns out you have to fart at the exact moment it would be funny to fart. For me to feel right about it I need to be in the moment and respond to it. If you respond, you create communication; if you force it, you might poop your pants.

Bands like NERV almost always end up with one or two good stories from the road. Any come to mind?

BW: The one that I usually tell is about NERV playing a show on tour in Pittsburgh in 2011. It was a grind show we got added to along with Wild Child, a band from Minneapolis we were friends with that included Harry from Uranium Club. Wild Child was incredibly late to the show because that morning they got stranded on the road with a flat tire and then after it got replaced they were in standstill traffic for hours because of a giant traffic accident. They finally showed up after all the other bands had played and were super stressed out and tired and had to play immediately to a pretty small and apathetic audience. They asked if we were down to just relax and watch a movie because they had bought Bruno on DVD at a gas station a few days before and hadn't gotten a chance to watch it. The guy who booked the show invited us to stay at his place and it sounded good—a spare room with beds because bands stayed there all the time, he said he'd make us spaghetti and salad, and the only thing to really deal with was his fiancé was moving in so there would be her cat and his two dogs who were loud but harmless. 

We get back to the guy's place and it's gnarly—his dogs are these two giant rottweilers who are barking and lunging and making us uncomfortable. He shows us where we can sleep and it's this room with horror movie posters and flyers for grind shows and a pile of very stained mattresses. It's gross but there's a big TV and an Xbox so we can start up Bruno and he goes to the kitchen to cook stuff and we make the best of it. There's eight of us so I'm sitting on the floor next to the couch and Bruno was really funny. The dogs come thundering into the room whipping around a toy or stuffed animal and run over me and get slobber all over my arm and drop the toy next to Antoine from Wild Child and they chase each other around and run out again. We decompress from that but Antoine jumps up and yells "Holy shit!" and "It's a fucking cat, dude!" I turn around and realize it wasn't a stuffed animal the dogs were playing with, they'd killed the guy's fiancé's cat. I check my arm and see it isn't dog slobber, my arms covered in blood. 

We all start standing up and freaking out and the guy walks into the room from the kitchen, sees the dead cat, and loses it. "Holy shit, that's my fiancé's fucking cat. She's gonna fucking leave me, man. They're gonna put my dogs to sleep. FUCK. I'm so FUCKED." Then for some reason he turns on us and starts yelling at us. "Why didn't you guys do anything? That's my fiancé's fucking cat!" 

The guy stops and puts his face in his hands and starts crying. We're all just standing there looking at each other and not knowing what is going on and half watching Bruno, which is still playing, while the guy cries. After a while he tries to straighten up and bring things back to a level of normalcy. 

"Well," he says, "the spaghetti's done."

With Brendan Wells Plant Music, Ernest Hood’s Neighborhoods and Mort Garson’s Plantasia seem like the obvious points of inspiration (based off nothing more than assumption), but it’s got a lot more going on too. What points of influence do you take for your quieter explorations of sound (other than plants)? 

BW: The start of the project came out of a very anxious time in my life—I had tried moving to San Francisco to help run the magazine Maximum Rocknroll and it fucked my life up and was even making it hard to listen to punk for awhile. I was trying to search out classical music I could connect with but was gravitating more towards things that felt simplistic or minimal and natural. I was wanting to make music like Steve Reich, Terry Reilly, Penguin Cafe Orchestra, but like most things it's been filtered through my limitations. I don't know how to "play piano" necessarily but I can run a keyboard through guitar pedals and hold down some of the keys and try different things until I discover something I find compelling. Or I might not have the patience to systematically compose something like Steve Reich that explores overlapping themes and frequencies but I will record two separate tracks that ignore structure and meter and play them both at the same time to see what comes out of it. I also find something incredibly transcendent can come out of music without percussion or drums, or something that doesn't use those devices but still creates rhythm and forward motion. It's more tied with a spiritual pursuit than other things I might make.

In your opinion, how’s the Twin Cities scene doing these days? Anybody that’s been catching your eye that you feel hasn’t gotten their praise? Does the scene feel alive?

BW: I would say that it's healthy, it's fine, it's existing. I would not say that my experience today is a heyday, but as long as things are happening then that means things in the future can be nurtured and artists have a place to grow instead of having to start from nothing. I think though that there are things going on that I'm not in touch with that are happening, just not exactly in the scene I've been attached to. 

Things have changed a lot since I first visited Minneapolis in 2008. Punks aren't as smelly. Fewer dreadlocks. Those things weren't my niche necessarily but it had an exciting identity. But in Minneapolis I think there is always an audience. When a new warehouse venue opens up people will be there and excited. The people here are very supportive and want to see music. The music I'm most excited about in town is pretty new and hasn't been recorded yet so there are things to look forward to but not a lot I can easily share right now except for a few live videos.

[Brendan provides the following links:]

Pig in the City : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wE3ji81yq4Y

Psychic Sports : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtcKe1mMC4Q

Egg Girl Girl : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiGXUMOnuHY

Which release(s) do you find yourself most proud of for each of your projects? Do you have a favorite song or songs from your own body of work?

BW: I think the first vinyl release for any of the projects I've been a part of is a big deal to me. Growing up and loving bands and music and never thinking that would be something I'd ever participate in myself, having something on vinyl feels like tangible validation for me of participation in a part of culture that I have looked up to so much. Making a tape with Plant Music was also a big deal. It was the first time i'd recorded and released music without playing in a band and again isn't something I thought I could do. In a lot of ways I have low self esteem so these things have been life changing. 

One of the things I'm most proud of is a short-lived band from 2017 I was in called Ozone 120's. I played guitar, which I hadn't done in a band since 9th grade, and that helped change the way I talk about playing music because I would say "Well, technically I CAN play guitar, but I don't know how to 'play the guitar'" because I only knew how to play power chords and that didn't seem good enough to me. Now in my mind if you're able to make sounds you like with an instrument then I don't see that as illegitimate or something that should keep you from thinking you're not a musician or something. 

What do you see when you look at the current world of Art? What is plentiful? What is lacking?

BW: Working in the limitations of your means is what is going to lead to authentic / unique / individual expression and I think that is increasingly rare. That's why musicians from different cities and different experiences with different resources will sound different and to me that's what makes Art exciting: that there's more of it out there to experience. There's something sterile about doing things the "right" way. That can end up meaning a focus on recreation rather than something I'd call a creation and I don't often find much credibility in that. I know there's an easy argument to that, that there's nothing unique or creative about bands who play guitars or even all art period but to say something like "Nothing is original so why should it matter?" is going to lead to a lot of product that I find lifeless. I don't think there's any excuse for boring Art. 

I also think pun names have to go (Joanna Gruesome, Ringo Deathstarr, Olivia Neutron-John). That's an excuse for an idea. It's like having the opposite of an identity unless you're a Grind band or something because they're the only ones who do it right and with a worthwhile sense of humor.

[whenihaveyouromione]

When I Have You - Chapter 100

Read on Fanfiction.net or ao3.

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Happy 100 chapters all! This was not the chapter I hoped to be 100 (it will be 102) but the story called for some additions to be written to help progress it, so this is now chapter 100! Thank you to those who are still reading this after 100 chapters!

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Chapter 100

“It’ll be fine, Hermione,” Ron said, for what felt like the tenth time that morning. He finished putting the last sock on Rose’s little foot and then stood up, allowing his daughter to roll onto her tummy and try and wriggle herself forward ever so slightly to reach one of her toys.

Ron hadn’t been too impressed the first time she’d done that just two days ago, because she was only three months old and wasn’t supposed to be doing that just yet. But she was determined and insisted on rolling now whenever they placed her on her back.

“What’s she going to do in a joke shop for eight hours?” Hermione questioned, also for the tenth time that morning. “Especially now that she seems to want to move more.”

“I’ll bring her some toys,” Ron said. “And, George — I mean, we — have products on the shelf for kids her age.”

That wasn’t the right thing to say to Hermione, who’d always been mildly opposed to the products, no matter the age of their user. 

Ron sighed. “Are you going to wish me luck? It’s my first day, and I’m feeling a little nervous.”

Hermione’s eyes snapped from Rose and settled on Ron, and he saw her expression soften. “Good luck,” she said. “You’ll be great. You’re just working with your brother.”

“I think that’s the most terrifying part,” Ron confessed. In the days leading up to him starting at the shop, increasing doubts had crept into his mind, settling themself deep within the parts of his brain he’d worked on over the years. Would he be good enough? Was he capable of running a business? But the worst one was could he work with his brother? 

Their relationship in recent times had become positive. He and George got along rather well, and the incessant teasing he’d received when he was younger had abated as both of them matured. But they also only saw each other a few times a month, mostly at the Burrow under the watchful eye of their mother. This was something incredibly new for both of them, especially for Ron.  And they wouldn’t really be working together. Once Ron got settled, George would go back to managing the Diagon Alley shop and Ron would be solely in charge of the Hogsmeade one. They’d probably only meet once a week to sort things out or discuss new products. So, it probably wasn’t going to be too bad.

“You’ll be fine,” Hermione said, stepping forward to kiss him. “It’ll take some time to get used to it, but you’ll figure it out. I know you will. Besides, you forget that you’re essentially in charge.”

“I’ve never been in charge of anything before.” Another fear of Ron’s. Hermione had stepped perfectly into the role of Head of the Office of Personal Law, and Harry had been blessed with a natural ability for leadership. But Ron… he had never had any real experience. He’d always followed Harry’s lead — having his say where he felt necessary — but at the end of the day, Harry had always been the leader. This time, he would be in charge. People would turn to him for advice, support… anything. 

“Well, you are now!” Hermione answered cheerfully. “I know you’re nervous. I was, too, when I first started. But you’ll be fine.” She kissed him again and then picked up Rose. She handed her to Ron. “You’ve got this,” she said. “Just… just don’t let Rose get too invested in what’s there.”

Ron knew she wanted to say it as a joke, but he heard the sincerity in her tone. He smiled and nodded, knowing that it would probably just about kill Hermione if their daughter turned out to be more of a Weasley than a Granger. 

…

He’d contemplated Apparting to Hogsmeade, but thought better of it, knowing that he had Rose with him. Apparition was a tricky thing to learn, and whilst Ron now considered himself quite apt at it, he wasn’t game enough to attempt Side-Along Apparition just yet (or ever). He’d never forgive himself if Rose was to accidentally lose an arm or a leg or have something horrible happen to her. He still remembered his own Splinching, and how painful it had been. He could never inflict that on his daughter. 

So, he Floo’d. The shop that George had found in Hogsmeade had its own fireplace. It hadn’t been connected to anything upon purchasing it, and it had taken George a little bit of fussing with the Ministry to open it up again for him. Apparently the name Weasley — especially given that their own brother was the Head of Magical Transportation — had meant little in the way of the Ministry’s fear of what it would be used for again. 

What Ron hadn’t known was this shop had once belonged to a Death Eater which had sold all sorts of unruly and illegal items. Since the war, it was cleared out of all its Dark artifacts, and had sat abandoned ever since. George had been eyeing it off for some time but only recently had the money to go through with it. 

“Ah, you’re here!”

Ron was surprised to see George already there, though he was thankful. In truth, he realised that he hadn’t had plans on what to do if his brother had arrived after him. Despite them spending some of Ron’s time off after leaving the Aurors going through everything, Ron supposed he wouldn’t really get the idea of it until he’d been there for a bit.

He likened it to starting with the Aurors. He’d been a bit lost and new at the start of that, but eventually, he got comfortable enough to become bored by it. He supposed it would be similar here, though he hoped he wouldn’t get bored by this job. Something new and different seemed to happen every day at the joke shop, from what Ron had witnessed. 

“Yeah.” The fireplace led into the space they’d set up as the office. It was slightly larger than the space George had at Diagon Alley, but not by much. Already, it was crowded with bits and pieces of products or prototypes of new products. It was almost like George was using this new premise as a dumping ground for all the things he couldn’t fit at the other one. 

But there was a small, cleared space in the corner with a chair which Ron knew was for him. Another reminder that he was in charge here. 

“You don’t sound thrilled,” George said. “You’re not nervous, are you?”

Ron shrugged and George laughed.

“It’s just me, mate,” he said. “Your brother.”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Ron confessed. 

George chuckled. “Well, hopefully within a week, you’ll be rid of me and you can run things as you wish. Two weeks, max, because that’s how long I have Verity for. She’s been really great, volunteering to stick around for a few more weeks, but she’s been abundantly clear that two weeks is her max. After that, she’s out of here.”

“Well, I’m sure I’ll be fine after two weeks,” Ron said, offering a smile. “You’ve already shown me the ropes, and I know where everything is on the shelves, I know all the products. It’s just the… the running of it that I’ll have to get used to.”

“That’ll be easy enough,” George said confidently. “You’ve met the staff we got, they’ve met you. I’ll help you with the rostering, too. That’s probably the hardest part, really. Oh, and paying them, of course.”

It had been agreed between them that once Ron got the hang of the store management part, he’d move onto other things, too, such as being responsible for paying the staff (both here and at the Diagon Alley premises) and a few other administration aspects of the business. There would come a time, George said, where the staff would be confident in managing the shopfront by themselves which would mean Ron could stay at home and do it. 

That had been the appealing factor in it and he’d agreed. 

He’d also play a hand in new product designs — as George seemed to think he had a knack for it — and everything else as time went on. It seemed busy, but Ron wanted busy. The reason he’d quit the Aurors was because it hadn’t been busy.

Today, though, he’d be merely learning what it was like to work with customers. 

“So, I have Oswald coming in today,” George said. “We agreed that he seemed the most competent so I thought it’d be easier to have him. He’ll be here in about fifteen.”

Ron glanced through the narrow doorway which led out to the shop front. Everything was set up and looking well. 

“You think the three of us can manage it… you know, with two of us not knowing what we’re doing?”

George nodded, though Ron saw the hesitation in his expression. “I think so. You’re not a complete idiot, Ron, despite what I used to tell you. We’ll be fine. Busy, but fine.”

Ron nodded.

George’s eyes finally fell on Rose, who had remained quiet the whole time as if realising it was important for her to do so. A small smile fell across his lips. “Besides, we have the biggest selling factor of all.”

“Don’t let Hermione hear you refer to her as that,” Ron warned, but he smiled. “You know, she’s worried that Rose spending too much time here will make her actually like it.”

“Inevitable,” George said. “She’s part Weasley, it’s in her blood to like what we sell here. Anyway, we have some stuff that’s suited just for her age.” He waved his wand and a moment later, a small, blue teddy bear landed in his arms. He tapped it with his wand and the bear changed to a deep blood, red. He tapped it again and now it was pink. This didn’t seem to interest Rose at all.

“Got anything that makes lots of noise?” Ron questioned.

George grimaced. “Didn’t we go through exactly what every product did last week?”

“Yes, but —”

George tapped the bear again and this time music began to play. Rose’s eyes landed on the toy as she watched it sing. He then put it on the ground, tapping it with his wand again and the bear danced around the room, much to Rose’s delight. 

“If anyone’s interested in this, make sure you tell them it can also be charmed to speak the kid’s name,” George said. “Perfect kid’s toy.” He nodded to Rose, who was still fixated on the dancing, singing bear. “Quite popular, too.”

“I can see that,” Ron laughed. 

“We’ll be fine,” George said. “Especially with Rosie here to woo all the customers.”

Ron smiled. “Again, don’t let Hermione hear you saying that. She’ll probably want to change our arrangements if she does.”

George nodded and winked. “Sure. Will be our little secret.”

For the next little bit, Ron walked through the shop, familiarising himself with where everything was. He wanted to be able to point people in the right direction if they asked for something. He just about had it all memorised when a young man of about twenty appeared via the fireplace out the back. 

He was dark-haired, olive-skinned and looked eager and excited to be standing in the small office. Ron remembered him from a few weeks back when George had introduced him to Ron. Oswald, his name was, and he had been looking for a job for some time. Ron had to admit he was a bit boisterous, but George insisted they needed enthusiasm in a place like this. 

He was one of five employees who’d be working here with Ron. Over time, Ron hoped he’d learn all their names. 

“Right on time,” George said, looking at his watch and then smiling at Oswald. “Impressive.”

“Can’t be late for my first day, Mr Weasley,” Oswald answered, sounding almost breathless. His eyes flicked to Ron, who had returned from his investigation of the shop, Rose still in his arms. “Oh, hello Mr Weasley. And Little Weasley.”

Ron hid a laugh at that. He wouldn’t say it, but he found the idea of Rose being referred to as ‘Little Weasley’ endearing. 

“Oswald,” Ron answered with a nod.

“I’m ready to go,” Oswald then said. “Tell me what I need to do, where I need to be, and I’ll do it and I’ll be there.”

“Your first step will be to slow down,” George said, grinning. “I do like how enthusiastic you are, though. But save some of it for when we have the streams of customers pouring in, in a little bit.”

Oswald didn’t seem all that perturbed by George’s statement, for he ploughed on. “Are the Hogwarts students coming here? It’s been a few years since I was there, but I know a few of the now seventh years. Will be good to see them again.”

“I sent an owl last week to McGonagall,” George said patiently. “Explained about our opening and whatnot. She has made special arrangements for an extra Hogsmeade trip — called in a favour, you know?”

Ron raised an eyebrow at that. “You and McGonagall are on good terms, are you?”

George answered with a shrug. 

“Oh, great!” Oswald explained. “Well, I guess I should set up. I’ll be out the front, right?”

“Yes,” George said. “However… you answer to Ron, not to me. Within a week, you’ll hardly see me. He’s your boss.”

Oswald nodded and looked directly at Ron, awaiting instructions. Ron flushed slightly, remembering all the times he’d walked into Hermione’s office at the Ministry and witnessed her giving orders to Malfoy and Maia with an air of confidence and authority. He would have done anything for that confidence now rather than the fluster that he felt instead. 

“Er, yeah… maybe you can walk around the store, you know? Offering help to find things.”

Oswald nodded again and left for the front. 

George laughed, causing Ron to spin around to face him. “What’s so funny?”

“You’ll have to learn how to be more commanding than that,” George said. “Otherwise they’ll walk all over you. Use the same authority you used when you used to kick those first years out of the chairs in the Gryffindor common room.”

“What?”

George waved him away. “You know what I mean. Also, we have five minutes until opening. What’s Rosie going to do?”

Ron stood there for a moment before answering. “I brought something to carry her in. Let me get it on.”

…

If there was one thing George had been right about, it was that Rose would be a huge selling factor. People apparently loved seeing a baby in the shop — especially one that smiled so much. And apparently, they adored men with babies, too, for Ron received many compliments throughout the day about how good it was to see a baby out with her dad. 

The day went well. George had also been right about Ron being fine. He was fine. In fact, he was more than fine. As the customers trickled in, in the morning, he got a good feel for what it was like to talk to strangers. Strangers were something he usually avoided, because most of the time they only approached him because they knew he was Harry’s brother-in-law, Ginny’s brother, or both. But it actually felt nice talking to someone outside of his family. He rarely did that, he realised. 

These people came in because they were interested in what he had to sell, not who he knew. They asked him questions, gave him compliments, and Ron was pleased to learn that it all felt natural to him. He wasn’t lost, he knew his way around the shop, and by the time the Hogwarts students piled in, excited and joyous for an extra few hours after classes, he felt extremely comfortable. 

Business went well, too. Ron remembered all those times he’d come to Diagon Alley and seen the place packed. This shop was slightly smaller than the other, and it, too, filled up with eager customers. They made a fortune at a guess, which left George grinning from ear to ear. 

Rose had stayed strapped to his chest for most of the day, save for when he had to feed her or change her. And things went smoothly enough that he was able to slip away for a few moments to do either. It probably wasn’t good for her to be in the carrier for as many hours, but he knew that most days wouldn’t be as busy. Eventually, the excitement would wear off and Rose would also become more active. But he made a mental note to himself that he’d have to figure out a way to keep Rose active and playing, but also be able to watch her simultaneously. And he’d find a way, because he was determined for this system to work. 

By the time five o’clock came, the last customers were leaving and George was bolting the door shut, manually and with charms. Oswald, who’d worked hard and tirelessly the whole time, collapsed into a chair by the counter, groaning. 

“My feet,” he complained. 

“You did well,” Ron said, realising it was appropriate to compliment the young man. It was the truth, anyway. 

“What a wonderful first day!” George said cheerfully. “I couldn’t even tell you the Galleons we brought in today. And look!” He indicated the almost bare shelves. 

Ron was about to ask if they had enough to restock before he realised he should know that. Then it occurred to him that he did know. There were stacks and stacks of products crammed out the back, shrunk to fit. 

“How do you feel, Ron?” George said. “Good?”

“Great!” Ron answered truthfully. “Honestly… it feels… right.” It felt more than right being here — like he’d been built to run a joke shop all along. Despite his nerves early on, once put into the situation, it had all come naturally — easily. 

“Well, get used to it,” George continued, “because I imagine the next week or so will be just as busy. Minus the Hogwarts kids, of course. Doubt I could convince McGonagall to let them out every day.”

“That was weird, don’t you think?” Ron said. “Seeing the kids, but not being one of them. Not being a kid anymore.” 

George waved him away. “You get used to it. Besides,” he nodded at Rose, “eleven years and you’ll be at the station again, waving her off.”

Ron looked down at his daughter strapped to him still. She’d fallen asleep not so long ago after he’d fed her a bottle. “You don’t think we can find somewhere for her to move around more, do you? She likes to move, and I just don’t think it’s good for her to stay strapped to me all day.”

George thought for a moment. Ron knew he wasn’t about to banish Rose from the shop after the hit she’d been with the customers. 

“I could put together a play pen or something. Give her some of the toys —”

“Even I draw the line at having my daughter on display, mate,” Ron said. “But a playpen could work. Just maybe… somewhere not in the eye of the public.”

George looked disgruntled, but nodded. “Yeah, we can figure it out. We will figure it out. Besides, in a bit you can do things from home anyway.”

“Thanks,” Ron said. 

“Alright,” George said, “I’ve got to head off to Diagon Alley and assist with the restocking there. You two alright to do it here?”

“Sure,” Ron said. “Part of the job, isn’t it?”

Oswald was slow to get to his feet, but he nodded. “On it.”

George nodded to both of them and was gone a moment later, leaving Oswald and Ron.

They spent the next half an hour restocking the shelves until they were bursting again, and Ron sent Oswald home. It was nearing six now, and Hermione would be wondering where he was — and probably fretting about Rose. He was surprised she hadn’t come here just to check it out. 

Before he headed to the fireplace to go home, Ron took one last look at the shop. He had a good feeling about this new job. It felt right, like he could manage it. It had been chaotic today, but he knew that once he got the hang of it, it would be easy. 

But he knew with one hundred percent certainty now that he had made the right choice.

He was no longer Ron Weasley, Auror. 

He was Ron Weasley, joke shop owner.

[off-tip-of-my-tongue]

Unnamed

Written ??-??-23

I am not so good with words

Although that may surprise

I churn out exquisite essays

I write out heart-soaked poems

I pour my every emotion into long-lasting daydreams

And yet I’m bad with words

They tumble out of my mouth, clunky

They clumsily knock into each other, messy and uncoordinated

They shake and stutter, blend together, repeat and rephrase, and never come out quite right

Even when rehearsed

Be it lie or truth

I simply am not good with words

The more sincere, the worse it gets

My throat closes when trying to speak of my emotions

I can never properly express affection or feeling

Not in the way I wish

Not in the blunt, clear way which those I care for best receive it

So I pour it into my art forms

I express sadness and longing in my writing and fear and anger in my drawings

But most of all, I express my love in my baking

In a family in which we say our ‘I love you‘s so frequently, they loose meaning

I feel as though I’m never truly showing how much I care

These things can only be expressed in small ways

In the way I roughhouse and bounce jokes off of my dad

In the way I chat with and allow my mom to ramble

In the way I know my sister’s limits, and how to help her when she’s reached them

And in the way I bake

Every cup and ounce and teaspoon of my affection gets poured into the batter

I dance around the kitchen, silently singing to music played through my headphones

The oven warms the whole house

I breathe love and life and care into mixtures of batter and dough, in frosting and filling

I am not good with words

So instead I stuff my overflowing, ever growing, ever changing affection into food

In cookies and cupcakes and confections and chocolate

For every sweet thing that gets stuck, clogged in my throat, never to be spoken, a sweet thing I create

I don’t know how to say what I mean

To show how I feel

But I do know how to make a cake, and that will have to be enough

Ingredients and mixing and baking and layering and frosting and piping

These are the things that must be done to create a cake

It is my art form

It is my affection

Even as my legs tire, even as I get frustrated, even as the dessert does not bake as I wanted

I put in all my love and all my effort until my heart is dried up of feeling

I squeeze myself dry, leaving nothing left for myself to enjoy

As I bare my heart to them on a platter of sweetness, there are always nerves

But even if it does not go as intended, they praise my effort

I know they too, don’t know how to express either

We get it from each other

They eat my food, that I have poured my soul into, just for them

The oven is still keeping the house warm

As I watch them eat, my heart warms too

A deep part of my brain is soothed by watching them enjoy my food

By feeding those I care for

I give them sweetness, and they give me warmth

We are not good with words

And as I sit, exhausted of energy and emotion, we eat together

Sweetness and warmth fills the air

I think they know what I mean

[arius6454]

When I got back with Klaus, I didn't know what to think about my family's home being destroyed.

"Jade, I'm so sorry," he apologized, his sincere gaze meeting mine right after.

"Klaus… we have started a war," I stated. Suddenly, I saw mom come into view as she growled and pushed him out of her path. Fortunately, I pushed Klaus out of the way in time, getting hurt in the process. I never understood her hatred till when I was 18. My mother and father had told me that I would be allowed to date, but only if they were a Wolf shifter. My mother assumed that me hanging out with guys meant that I like them which was extremely wrong and just some sort of misunderstanding.

I shook my head and mustered up my sharp nails, my mom knowing full well that I had taken her actions seriously. She then frowned and walked away to wherever she had to go, not wanting to start a fight with her daughter over some boy… or a dragon. Transforming back into my human form, a smile appeared on my face once I realized my sleeves hadn’t been ruined due to changing my form. But having clothes on did feel really nice.

"Klaus," I called out as I saw a serious look on his face. He faced me, before looking at a little cut I had gotten on my neck due to my mom’s actions. Noticing he was deep in thought, I couldn’t help but glance at him, butterflies erupting in my stomach.

He was considerably handsome, his slick black hair and his beautiful black eyes fitting his demeanor. Before knowing him, I noted that he tended to appear as a cold person but was a compassionate person at heart. Maybe it’s because he cared for me that I liked him. Or maybe it’s because he treated everyone equally or there were just more reasons I liked him that I hadn’t taken notice of yet. Either way, I just couldn’t stop thinking about him. I didn’t care what my clan had to say with their ‘Don’t date or marry a dragon’ nonsense. From the nice things he had said and done to our past hangouts and to his lips, I liked him for him. At that moment, he looked up at me, catching me in the act.

“Why were you looking at me like that?” Klaus asked and I felt my cheeks burn red. I guess I’m doomed.

“…Maybe it’s because whenever I look at you, my brain seems to stop working,” I confess, my eyes focused on the ground. I didn’t know how to confess or how to scream out my feelings and it was nerve racking.

Klaus folded his arms, his eyebrows raised. “Do you… like me?” he asked as I felt his gaze on me. He really had to hit the mark, didn’t he?

A sigh escaped my lips as I thought of a response. A response that wouldn’t ruin our relationship or my relationship to my clan.

“I don’t like you, Klaus. I love you. I love you more than anything,” I explained, shutting my eyes in embarrassment. What kind of response was that since that had got to be the worst confession ever-

“I honestly never thought you’ll feel the same, Jade.” Klaus responded and it only made my heart skip a beat.

“You’re joking… right? And if you aren’t, then it means that you’ve liked me all this time?” I question, my head spinning at the thought of not realizing his feelings for me.

“I do love you but the reason for my aloofness was just… that I’m a dragon and you’re a wolf. People say we are incompatible but it didn’t stop me from liking you. However, it did stop me from thinking you’d like me back,” Klaus explained as he took his hand in mine.

A laugh escaped my mouth at his words. If only I knew he liked me, then I would’ve confessed earlier on.

“So… can I kiss you?”

(This isn’t my story. I helped the person edit their story so here’s their wattpad name: @LilyRaphael6. I would like to give a shout out to @youneedsomeprompts. Thanks for the prompts since it was really helpful and I’m shocked I used like four of them)

[bradleysbradshaws]

I keep thinking about what the anon had said about the Roosmav server having its own "corner" in the Roosmav fandom. But...compared to where else?

I don't know if they are aware that they have a monopoly on all of the creativity and conversation in this fandom. It may seem like a small corner to them because Roosmav itself is a very niche, concentrated fandom, but it's all there is to the Roosmav fandom. There is twitter, but really...those are kindergarten-grade takes on Roosmav that I am never going to be satisfied participating in. Just people making the same babygirl/MILF jokes. And while I think that was the conversation I had primarily participated in while I was on the Roosmav server, it certainly isn't the only thing I am here for now.

What I want to say is that I'm in Roosmav for all of it as much as everyone else. Underage omega!Bradley, included - it still isn't my personal nut, but it's something I have no problem at all reading or discussing and finding the thematic merit of. I have been planning, writing, and drawing bottom!Bradley for over twice as long as I had been complaining about it last year, and honestly, that is going to be a large part of me going forward, no matter what. Bella reposting her old fics really did throw me back nicely to the strict dynamics that I had loved for Roosmav last year, but I think I've commented the most on her omega!Rooster fic out of all of them this time. This is the type of brain exercising that I have found that I enjoy doing.

I wish they would know that we exist on the exact same wavelength, albeit on parallel paths. This isn't by my own choice, as what I sincerely dream most of doing would be to be able to contribute to the Roosmav server again - it truly was the honor and joy of my life to be able to draw those little dick!Rooster pics - but I respect their feelings and know it won't happen. I just hope that they can allow me to try to form as fulfilling of an experience for myself as I can in the place that they had explicitly told me to go. Me trying to make potential friends is not competing with the Roosmav server. I have no other choice if I want any sort of meaningful engagement or conversation about them again.

I keep saying this, but we are on the exact same side and doing the same thing - creating for and contributing to Roosmav. Please let me find friends in the future to do it with.

[nonenosome2]

The only kind of gender reassignment surgery being done on kids is whenever an intersex child is born, and they forcefully change their body parts to conform to the cishet gender binary.

Wait. I thought gender was fluid and the gender binary wasn't real. Wouldn't that mean they are changing the child's body parts to fit the "sex binary"?/s

Also, going "Well this also happens" isn't actually an argument. Especially when I don't think babies should even get circumcisions, let alone surgeries like that.

But you transphobes are deafeningly silent about that.

Damn. Is it transphobic to be for adults doing whatever they like if I'm also not for kids getting hormones, puberty blockers, and/or surgeries?

You HAVE to lie about what trans people advocate for, in order to get gullible people on board with your genocidal bullshit.

Oh. So it's NOT trans people fighting bills that say children can't get puberty blockers, hormones, or surgeries? Are those people secretly transphobes who are just doing it to make trans people look bad?

Also, genocidal?

But maybe you do know what that word means. I'm sure you could point me at something that is going to "genocide" transpeople.

I would respond with "actually, that is not how gender affirming care works for children," but I know that would just go straight through one ear and out the other.

Me: Adults can do what they want but children shouldn't be allowed to be put on puberty blockers, hormones, or get surgeries.

You: THAT'S NOT WHAT WE WANT!

Me: Cool. So we agree. 👍

---

Couple questions though.

Why are people fighting so hard to make it legal to do those things to kids if that's not what they want?

Why it that people are calling bills banning such things "genocide"?

If this is not how "gender affirming care works for children" then there is no reason for you to be arguing with me about why the things I listed shouldn't be illegal for children.

Your shit could fertilize a plant that would be more intelligent than you. I've seen multi-level marketing scams that were more honest. Your brain could revolve inside a peanut shell for a thousand years without touching the sides. Calling you braindead would be speaking ill of the dead. You're not even a joke, because people actually like jokes. I don't feel sorry for you, because that would imply I see you as a human. Kill yourself, so that way a better person can use your computer.

Yes. Yes. I must be evil because I don't want kids getting hormones, puberty blockers, or surgeries. I couldn't possibly be saying exactly what I mean and you can secretly read people's minds but are hiding from the CIA so they can't use you as a weapon.

Edit: @a-silver-wind decided to reblog and block so posting reply here.

You are so confidently wrong, it is astounding.

Can't wait to see how wrong I am.

Puberty blockers are reversible,

Even if that were true, their side-effects aren't.

hormones are in everything,

Damn. So what do trans people need them for?

Or maybe you were deliberately misunderstanding what was said so you could pretend to be smart? Do you also say "chemicals are in everything"?

and the claim that trans people are forcing children to undergo gender reassignment surgery is false.

I never made that claim and it has nothing to do with my stance. I don't care if the parents are transphobes and the child sincerely wants any of the above.

It's fear mongering

So no child has had any of the above done to them and then found out they weren't trans?

made to rile up idiots like you and incite violence against innocent trans people.

Is this part of the whole "genocide" claim? I see you still haven't gotten me any sources on that.

That's like saying: blah blah blah

There's no need for a metaphor. Everything is right there in this thread.