#my brain works in ways mysterious to even me
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ok so IF all goes to plan there should be a one shot (not a new chapter!) of the cyberpunk au about logan’s life before the main plot
#i’m SO SORRY that i haven’t been able to get a new chapter of the cyberpunk au out#both school and writers block have been kicking my ass and any ideas i had went to the superhero au im planning out#my brain works in ways mysterious to even me#sanders sides#ts#logan sanders#ts logan#cyberpunk au#just have to proof read this one and then get it structured all right#because i wrote it in. odd ways. i added some stuff i didn’t think i was doing before lol so had to go back#however! done with the rough draft#just have to look it over (yeah i don’t have a beta lmao) and HOPEFULLY we’ll be set#once again i’m so sorry there hasn’t been any new stuff lately acksjahfkghdjs
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shep I was talking to my brother about dbhc xisuma as one does and mentioned that ask about not being able to puzzle xisuma's face together mentally and my brother joked that the reason you put the spoiler bars and such on his face is cause you cant draw his whole face yet 😂
anyway I might have talked his ear off about dbhc idk tho lmao
LMAOO NOOOO!!! MY SECRET FINALLY IS OUT!!! /silly
#HEHE thats rly fun though i hope your brother is enjoying the osmosis XD#truthfully... drawing xisuma's face is still really difficult for me... bc he's always like. the character whose personality and character#like. comes from the fact that we never see his face? and so there's something about him that feels more... right when his face is just.#a mystery#but i DO have a facecanon for him. esp for dbhc bc its important. even if when i think Xisuma i don't think of his face the way i might whe#I think of other characters. that isn't the reason why I spoiler it though XD when we get the face reveal it'll be obvious enough. i hope#LMAO.#anyway#idk like#some of the first sketches i did of Xisuma's face will still be my favorites tbh#it's hard to capture the same energy of a rough sketch when you try to sharpen those soft edges into a clean picture yknow?#i HAVE gotten better at it though.... square-ish face but soft on the edges... kind blue eyes... hair always tied back tightly and neatly#idk. i think about him a LOT#especially lately but we knew this hehehe#i think he deserves to take the helmet off every once and a while and just. breathe and get out of his own head yknow#i think he gets better at it in s9 even if he only takes it off around people he really trusts (keralis and cleo)#not that doc hasnt seen him or that he distrusts doc but... well. that whole relationship is a work in progress since season 8 was. well#anyway im really and truly rambling <3#xisumas face is both an enigma to me and a soft sturdy shape in my brain... its hard to replicate consistently but those doodles are#just for me anyway =w= <3#(and a few select others. who Know. you know who you are)
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................ he
#i feel like I posted this already but I also can't find it in any recent posts so...#......he#cats#EVEN if I did post it.. why not poast himb again? it's he#I'm like halfway through actually editing aforementioned costumes and stuff and i WANT to work on sculptures again and I have video#s and that worldbuilding slideshow and all of these things so hopefully like.. more usual stuff soon maybe.. to be posted#for now though yeah.. just cats#The end of the year is also when I panic about the passage of time and how little I've gotten done and how I will never actually be a#sucessful game maker slash author slash cat cafe owner slash set designer slash costume designer slash psychologist#who lives in like Scotland or somehting and also owns my own candle company or something ghbjhb#and will probably just be a mentally ill hermit recluse all my life who dies early of mysterious health issues with 5000 projects left#undone and blah blah the crushing weight of chronic illness and capitalism and so on and so forth#So then I scramble to get projects done to try and meet some goals but usually that means I scatter between projects#so it takes longer to finish all of them. Like instead of dedicating 8 hours to one thing and finishing it one sitting. I'll do 2 hours on#this then 2 hours on that then 2 hours on another things. so they all get done slower even though I'm still technically making progress on#them all. This is also a very poo poo pee pee stink brain way to work and is not like. the most efficent thing but it's just how my brain#organizes tasks sometimes lol#***#(<ignore this its part of an OCD compulsion lol. anytime you see me type three asterisks I'm not bleeping out a curse word#it's just a Special Secret Foolish Thing I Have To Do At Specific Uncontrolable Times When Brain Says So gbjhhj)#ANYWAY... eeeee#Still haven't resolved my mystery chest injury though so being at te computer for too long is also kind of achey-inducing#Better get over it though because I have like 30+ hours of slideshow vidoe to edit hahaha hee hee hoo!!!!!
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hello there! it's me, Tortilla, known mostly as Mod by the people who have been following this blog for a While!
if you've ever scrolled for a bit here, you've probably Seen that I've tried a few times to get back into posting more often and failed comically as i grappled with the dreaded Mental Eel Nesses and Executive Dysfunction, among other things. especially since ask blogs aren't as popular as they were back in the day when i made this blog (2015! turned 9 years last aug 15th! that's an entire child. jin owes me a lot of child support,)
(before anyone gets scared, no I'm not deleting anything lol gimme a sec to word this thought)
okay so like. cutting straight to the point not gonna get sentimental right now I'll save that for later: i want to keep this blog active REALLY bad, but as much as I'd like to, for multiple reasons i cannot draw as much as i did back in the day, which is like... the main thing i usually post here. so I've been pondering for the past year or so What to Do about it
my one idea is to turn this into a general kgpr blog and reblog other people's art and official stuff and the alike here, instead of keeping it Just My Stuff
but the thing is, if i DO that i would want to change my url, because reblogging art to a place that's named "badly drawn--" whatever is. i Don't Want That y'know? it's disrespectful lol
the thing is that that's soooo many links that would Break. among other things. (+ i have nooo clue what id change the name to but that's a different issue)
so like, my question here is,
#...ngl i could swear i had more to say in this post but i forgot so uh. jazz hands#mod post#ive been going back and forth on this for a While lol..drafting posts and deleting them and rewording#life's been rough but kp's been there for me always and recently ive been back in the pit again#(managed to drag some of my friends in! they're having fun)#and ive been doing a doodle or two here and there but they're not in the badly drawn™ style#and after nearly a decade i STILL dont know if im allowed to post my normal style art here#(yes i know it's my blog i can do whatever. my brain works in mysterious ways. not even my therapist knows how it works)#if i do repurpose this id definitely go back and make the organization system better too lol which may take a bit#since there's like. over 2k posts or smth here? last i checked anyway#maybe more#might be over 3k but id rather lowball it#anyways im rambling uhhhhh#feel free to give more options/ideas if what i said doesnt feel Quite like the solution ig?#i just know ive been getting new followers still even when i havent been posting and it makes me feel bad like OH NO.... I HAVENT POSTED....
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drew these to convince my brain echoes of the eye isnt THAT scary
#idk why the solanum hatchling i will make an exception because he looks very polite meme#my brain works in mysterious ways. even to me#outer wilds#outer wilds spoilers#outer wilds echoes of the eye#outer wilds echoes of the eye spoilers#echoes of the eye#echoes of the eye spoilers#art#meme#drawn before i finished eote so the owl people are uh. a little off lmao
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duuuudeee the splatoon brainrot is consuming me again GHAAAAA
#i have hyperfixations that i think ive gotten over for like a long time but then one specific event would trigger something in my brain and#they will be back full force and hit me like a truck so it turns out they where just lying dormant#like it happens to me with adventure time utdr amphibia portal tf2 pokemon ace attorney and splatoon most often#and sometimes even stuff i didnt know i was that into like httyd and ducktales (that one is a lie actually i was indeed very obsesed with#that show at one point)#anyway the brain works in mysterious ways#gh0ost txt#personal
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*said with increasing distress, eyes blodshot and an empty mug in hand* you guys remember writing right????? you guys remember posting fic and publishing things and talking to editors about potential projects right???? you guys remember being creative in your creative jobs and not just rereading old work and having a panic attack over the time wasted over curating hyperspecific character playlists that you get mad about five minutes later right????? i'm not insane right????? creative block is normal even if it lasts for months right???? i haven't written a fic in YEARS but it's ok i'm ok i have to finish TWO original pieces for next week that I haven't even started but it'll probably be fineeeee I'm totally not being a complete and raving lunatic about it it's probably gonna be okay <3 yay <3
#AND I STILL HAVEN'T APPLIED FOR MY NEW SHOW IN THEATRES ?1!!!!???? AJAAGAGAHAHAHFGH#BABYGIRL I CAN BE DRY IN WAYS YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE FOR PROJECTS THAT ARE ALREADY EVEN PLANNED OUT#the words just won't come out idk#ok so i attended one of the most prestigious universities in the country re: my field of expertise and carefully improved in my craft#just to go into a creative field and be an unemployed fuckhead who won't even write#i mean I am ALSO an academic that is very much true as well. but you don't really earn money from that either now do you#especially not in humanities#anyway. i need to go wash some dishes#it'll be fine probably i just need to lock tf in#it sucks being the one in the relationship that has no job no money no prospects and is already a burden to their parents#like literally they're being very nasty about it and like i know they care about me and stuff but they are very much. not supportive#it doesn't mean they're openly hating on it tbh i think they've given up on trying to disagree with my life choices and atp they just judge#when i'm not there. but evidently i find out anyway because of course i do#tbh won't complain about the lack of open support though like it's cool you disapprove of my relationship and my work and my life overall#ok rant over i'm big now. i'm an adult#ACTUALLY should i write a paper on disco elysium maybe that'd cheer me up. DON'T ask me how de is cheerful it isn't#my brain just works in mysterious ways#also gonna write an essay on my relationship with god. and get it published. probably gonna quote dostoievski a couple times as well. maybe#who give a fuck anymore man people these days can write ANYTHING. i love being alive in a world where printing is a thing. also computers#personal
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Damn imagine a stinky person releasing something based on something your brain's been hyper fixated on the last little while. You want to be excited for the idea but it becomes a 😒 instead.
#text post#If this for some reason kills my brain's desire to enjoy this thing outside of this I'm gonna be so mad#my brain works in mysterious ways don't ask me I don't even know#it can go from 0 - 100 on a thing real fast and it works in reverse too
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why is there so little going on in my life that a simple crush on a person i barely know takes up so much space in my brain...why
#i'm sitting here making up little daydream scenarios FOR TWO WHOLE DAYS NOW what is wrong with me why is my life not more interesting#i WISH i was a mysterious person with lots going on but in reality i'm just at home giggling into a pillow being silly#i mean granted i am on my period rn BUT STILL WTF#i wish i could tell the romantic part of my brain to just SHUT UP IT'S NOT THAT SERIOUS WE BARELY KNOW THEM STOP IT#but apparently it doesn't work that way....sigh#i don't even know if they're single??? can we at least make that clear before jumping to the daydreams??? PLEASE!!???#feels like i'm losing my mind#i used to think that in my late twenties i'd have all this stuff figured out.....HAH#but hey at least i'm still capable of having silly crushes after this long stretch of time of not being interested in anyone!#i just hope i'll find out soon that they're not single or sth so i can move past it#bc there's no way a sweet person like that could like me#...even if my brain wants them to#anyway#even in my late twenties i still don't know how to handle having a crush and what does that say about me?#ok enough ranting good night
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did I just finish outlining Scream Au’s main plot points in writing only to learn that it’s gonna be roughly TEN chapters? maybe. good news for people who don’t like my more controversial plans. bad news for my brain which can’t comprehend a project that short even if the chapters I’ve rough drafted so far are 9-10k so it’ll definitely still be large novel length lmao
#it’s been outlined for a while in my brain but I decided to write it down physically#that’s so short#but also it makes SENSE#like. there’s only so many people to kill & or suspect#it physically cannot be super long that just would not work or make sense#but like. aghhhh!?#idk. idk. we’re not there yet#me: stop asking me about scream au it’s sooooooo hypothetical#me 2.5 seconds later: so. here’s where we’re at with scream au#it’s good tho it’s a good thing I’m thinking ahead#not to say no amount of freedom was bad but it was… not a good murder mystery#it’s extremely important to plant clues early on & have everything more carefully planned then I did then#I’m gonna do better this time#ANYWAY#this is a very plot heavy au if you’re coming to me for ship content uh#may I offer you azula & katara at their most insane? like genuinely off the wall bat shit way worse than Sam carpenter insane ?#also zucest shippers pspsps this is um. a super tragic fucked up take on them?#if you like ripping things apart & being depressed & insane maybe you’ll even enjoy what I do with them#anyway I should shut the fuck up but unfortunately I’m really bad at like. doing that lmao#scream au
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ever since the thought entered my head the past several months I can't help but think I might really like the name Alex for myself. a riff on my middle name, short and to the point, and without the heavy gender bias my current name has...
except it's also my preteen cousin's name lol rip :')
#the frustrating thing is it always pops up in *that order* in my brain#never 'if it wasn't his name it would be a good fit for me'#always 'dang that's a good name! no. wait. fuck.'#we basically raised these kids too so definitely far too awkward to even think about actually doing it#but like. my brain keeps shredding the memos whenever I try to remind it of this very basic fact >:l#I don't want to resort to baby name sites why couldn't this have been easy lmao#ngl side tangent I consider all the kids more as niblings than actual cousins bc age difference between myself and all of them#which makes it even more awkward i think :')#the brain works in mysterious ways or something idfk
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The world isn't ready for all my amazing and wonderful takes on media but maybe my OCs will make them understand...
#I have a whole Thing where just#I get misunderstood a lot there's only a handful of people who get me and even still there's this air of mystery#which tbf idk how my brain even works sometimes it just has a mind of it's own#anyway I do want people to be able to understand me PURELY bcuz the people who misunderstand me are like#actively annoying about it or straight up malicious and I mean I don't expect them to really ever understand#cuz most of them aren't open to it or are too stubborn to change their mind or just past experiences cause for them to feel a certain way#or we are simply too different as people for them to get it sometimes people just aren't compatible#I just wish people didn't make it /my/ problem when /they/ don't understand me lmao#I'm simply built different 👊😌#in general I enjoy a different perspective on things and I wish other people would also view things in that way#like you don't have to understand just accept it like people Exist and they are simply like that sometime#you might never be able to fully grasp the confines of another person's brain but you can make an effort to just accept them#or at least accept that That is the way they are etc etc cuz like of someone is different than you and it's nothing bad like#¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I dunno what the fuss would be about they are simply different than you#...which is normal since everyone is unique in their own way#anyway I give some of my OCs aspects of myself that people tend to not understand so I can dive into that more#and hopefully come to soms sort of understanding or at the very least see what kinda messed up stuff people have to say abt it lmao#like if anyone does some sort of analysis abt my OCs and is just like This person is the devil in secret read between the lines#then like I know exactly how that person is and how they would act towards me as well LMAO life hax#obviously that is an exaggeration but it's prolly safe to say we would not get along#I also try to have my OCs having traits that I see very commonly in other people to see how many people can relate to that stuff#like there's a lot to it lmao I would enjoy seeing the effects of characters#like I don't just do it for other people I also do it for myself in an attempt to understand how other people work#cuz just there's some common stuff I see in people that I lack and don't have that issue#makes it hard to understand or comfort those people especially when idk what specifically they would want in that moment#I'm more of a distraction vs a comforter and all my comfort is logic based in order to ground people#bcuz idk how the person feels in that moment since it's an issue I don't have#anyway that's another reason I try and make characters like that cuz I wanna be able to better understand that stuff
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I have an app i really dislike for reasons i cannot even comprehend. it just somehow does not vibe with me
#i have some very good friends there and nothing remotely bad has happened in that app but#IDK I JUST DISLIKE THE APP IT DOES NOT AGREE WITH ME#my brain works in mysterious ways that i cannot even begin to understand#incoherent ramblings
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master jiggywiggy has a lot of tumblr sexyman potential
#idk where this came from my brain works in mysterious ways#banjo tooie#banjo kazooie#update from the next day: if im still thinking these unwell thoughts even after my mandatory art to do list is through#i WILL be drawing slutty master jiggywiggy unless someone stops me#post
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Hey, figured I'd give y'all a heads-up so nobody's confused, but recently I've just really hated how I color things, and it's gotten to the point where it's seriously demotivating. So I'll do my best to still post, but they won't be colored. They'll be sketches at most.
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sometimes i see an image of a wrestler and get all hyped just to read the tags and realise the wrestler i thought i saw isn't actually in the image
#i am not face blind but the number of times people called me face blind is worrying#it's bad with wrestlers but i'm even worse at recognising racing car drivers but at least they have helmets#my brain works in mysterious ways#and i stopped questioning it#v.txt
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