#my brain just cannot focus fully rn

[anxioushorrornerd]

Give me the strength to finish this oh my fucking god

[memberment]

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE

So the Trinitarians brain worm is back and Morning Glory is now longer and biting the dust as far as my focus goes.

But like, I genuinely want to talk to anyone who's invested in what's to come as far as part two goes. SO PLEASE. I IMPLORE THE FOUR OF YOU WHO PERPETUALLY TAKE NOTICE OF MY SCREAMS INTO THE VOID.

We're all aware that Trin is a time loop fic. That is confirmed.

BUT THE PROBLEM IS HOW I'M GOING ABOUT DOING THAT. AND I NEED INPUT FROM PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT ME AS FAR AS PLEASES AND SPARKLES GO, YES?

Because like sure I'm writing it and like fuck everything else, let me tell my story. But it's the how of it all like if I'm gonna throw another 200 give or take hours into this I would at least like one person to be having a wonderful time drinking and driving (I have since remembered this is not a common phrase, I do not mean this in a literal sense, it's an expression) with me right?

Part two is going to be 50 chapters, give or take. (Part one is about 37 for reference.)

So the plan for part 2 rn is (ROGUHLY):

(1-10) is the second timeline. There are a lot of importants and I cannot just glaze over it all more than that. But we're also working in a bit of a shorter time period than the original events of the story and introductions do not need to happen again, right?

(11-40)ish would be me running through the next timelines in a set up structure -> what changes -> the results of said changes and then inevitably what sends our looper backwards. It wouldn't be running through all the timelines but the more notable ones in kind of a four chapter structure, I am not fully sold on four, but rough estimate yk.

And then 41-50 would be the finale of part two. It's literally the last timeline in its glory and then the epilogue which kicks off part three.

COULD AT LEAST ONE OF Y'ALL SIT THROUGH THAT OR DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY NOTES AT ALL BECAUSE LIKE

I personally kinda like it but if not a soul is reading this I am throwing myself on the curb with the rest of the garbage LMFAOOO.

I NEED THOUGHTS. OPINIONS. COMMENTS. CONCERNS. ANYTHING.

Anyways, I'm going to work. I have off tomorrow and I broke the ff investment seal for today so insanity and updates will be here tonight and homework will be tomorrow.

HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GOOD DAY <3

(9:30) I am literally falling asleep as I lazily write this angel based on Danse Macabre. Expect all of maybe one more update tonight if the tacos I am abt to receive don't wake me up LMFAO.

Also, I am almost saddened by not having something to post tm. Anyone want an early chapter of something that isn't Genesis/Desolation bc they're both on Monday?????? (I am feeling like a menace rn)

(10:19) tacos and the absolute yap session I just had did wake me up a bit. MAAAYBE might write some more. Idk I slept like three hours last night and went to work I'm kinda dead. But we're at 98.2k!!!!!!🥳

(11:06) okay we made it to 99.6k everything besides the flashback for 31 is done. I'm about to relax and watch something and figure out mechanics of some of this because god this series is A BEAST. Like, I still have six planned chapters left.

Pure insanity. I love it here. I hate it here.

Holy shit wait I just came to the realization that I started this fic exactly one month ago. I have belted out 99.6k for THIS FIC ALONE. (Moreso if we're including future shit that hasn't happened yet)

IN ONE MONTH.

THAT IS FUCKING CRAZY WHAT HTE FUCK LMFAOOOO

I may or may not be cooking we’ll find out in 6-26 business hours

(5:28) So I just had a very interesting past few business hours. I read a fic I've been waiting ever so patiently to finish. That's cool, right. I go for a walk at 4 in the morning because I'm insane. Fantastic. I get home at five and I'm like ohhhh well what do I do now it's not sleep time yet. Oh write I'm supposed to be drawing.

Nope I reread the epilogue of morning glory and realized Tweek's first address is for my morning glory and Craig's last sign off is your morning glory and now I'm ready to throw myself on the curb with the garbage as I sob. Someone call a trusted adult for me thanks.

[ilovemylawyer]

hiii, im back <3333

i was just thinking about how doyoung kind of remains mysterious in his rituals, like i for once never seem to fully understand what tf is going on inside in his mind maybe i just didn't put enough effort in understanding his microexpressions, still ive been thinking about him winding down for the day lately and every trivial aspect of him like getting out of bath and using body oil or something, bonus points if it gets anomalous teehee because unlike some allegations of him being greasy i think he takes his hygiene very seriously!! atleast whenever he could. sooooo could you pleaaseee maybe sometime write about him just indulging himself in his unwind routine and getting ready for his next day, it's just very important for my mental health i think...yeahh and it doesn't matter which part of timeline it's set in, possibly somewhere in ep 6? im not being serious here, i never was.

lots of love byeee 💗💗💗

hihihi welcome back dear <33

doyoung is totally mysterious! i think it is absolutely intended by the show to make us, the viewers, not privy to the interworkings of his mind. this makes it easier for us to sympathize with dongsoo (to a point..) and it makes it easier for us as viewers to write doyoung off as a psycho criminal killer and NOT understand him as an inexperienced lovesick fool. i think this is totally intentional so i don't think you Missed anything by not scrubbing every scene <3

re: hygeine. HMMMM... so i am more of a greasetruther. at least up until the silver jacket gets replaced with suits and such. but all of that, the fashion upgrade for dy and his men, i see as a direct result of ds' desires. pre-suited dy and gang, his hair is noticeably like. greasy. it just is. i think if he cared about hygiene/appearance on his own, he'd keep his hair shorter and maybe own more than one pair of pants.

BUT! in ep6, he does change to become Cleaner. so your timing here would be correct. like i said i think this is only because of dongsoo. he realizes just how important status/respect/appearance* is to dongsoo, and decides to make himself more desirable by slicking his hair back and dressing like an adult. but i unfortunately do not think he would ever make this decision if not for dongsoo's high standards.

if i do this i think i can make it ep6, a little pre-funeral prep sesh. here are my problems: this would be totally doyoung centric, doyoung pov doyoung brained solo doyoung alone in his big borrowed house. this is AWESOME in theory, but i THRIVE with dialogue, back and forths and quips and spoken lies and stuff. i do not feel like i have a strong, detailed voice for bathtime relaxation. but also ep6 is a rocky dyds episode, ds is supposedly leaving for good and never coming back, dy knows his (ds') mom is going to be executed, dy has already said his would-be final goodbyes... this is tough.

and this: "im not being serious here, i never was." i think (and i could be wrong, i don't quite know, this is only my best guess) that you're trying to say something like "haha jk... unless?" but i am not entirely sure. but i take everything (EVERYTHING) very very very seriously even in our extremely fast paced irony-poisoned world. my friends call me "serious" all the time. there is no need to be anything but serious w/ me! otherwise i actually get pretty confused (which may be evident rn) but plzzz never feel any kind of shame or embarrassment for any kind of ask to me! FR!

i take this show and my contributions to it like, deathly seriously. that is the only reason i cannot 100% guarantee u that i can pull this off. i have started a doc and jotted down my initial notes/thoughts, so it is there! but this will not be my main focus rn. the longer i think on things the more ideas i get, so this request might just take me some time to mull over/break down/work out. and maybe it'll turn out like super radical gnarly awesome cool. this is something that we will find out together!

MUCH LOVE ALWAYS! thank u forever for ur ask and i promise i will think some more on this and see if i can't figure it out <33

[babblish]

A Year in Writing; 2024 — A Retrospective

Due to circumstances I'm going to have to present this post a little differently than I normally do. You may note I basically retreated from fandom stuff, and I cannot share the fics I've published in chronological order. Nor can I share too much data in the way of word counts per each project exactly as I have done in the past.

Don't mistake me, I have been writing this year. It's just... something bad happened in my brain that isn't exactly burn out but is similar, in that presents in a way that means I don't have the cognitive capacity to write Prose™. It's been this way for the overwhelming majority of the year, and honestly I was already struggling with it for the last half of 2023.

There's a lot of reasons for this, some of them personal, some of them we're all struggling with to some extent. I could point to the increasing fickleness of fandoms, write a whole essay over how it is soooo incredibly difficult to remain motivated when no one is engaging with what you're working on, bitch about how fucking soul destroying and exhausting it is to be a disabled person in any capacity in our society, let alone one seeking access to further resources.

BUT that's not why we're here. This isn't a sob story, this is a post mortem of my writing efforts for this year. Sure it sucks to be you not able to read new additions to my fics, but the fact of the matter is I do not control the rate at which I heal, nor major life events that happen whether you are ready for them or not, and I most certainly do not control the rate at which hyperfixation.

Stats

Overall Word Count: 160303

Highest Word Count in a Day: 3227 (April 26)

Average Word Count on a Writing Day: 921

Priority Project: 118807

Other Projects: 1662

Notes, Emails, & Correspondence: 39834

What I Learnt as a Writer in 2024:

Personal private wikis and how to use them. It's still a learning curve, but each month I'm getting a little better at knowing what I need and what I can do.

How to be stronger and more resilient; knowing when it's okay to pack away a project (even it's unfinished but so close to completion) in order to focus on myself and my own immediate needs.

What I thought was strong will and resolve was actually catastrophically debilitating decision fatigue. With ADHD medication, I'm learning impulse control in ways that are downright humbling at my age.

(This is something I technically learnt as an artist years ago but...) When you're not actively practicing a skill but are still thinking about it daily, you're still growing and learning in understanding of theory that will be ready to bounce into action when you're ready.

Writing Goals for 2024:

I still want to finish Under the Wave, it bugs me to a neuroatypical degree that it remains unfinished. I cannot guarantee I'll be ready to return to it next year, but once I am ready I will make an attempt.

Outside of this I am unsure if I want to return to ToA projects. I quite like what I've done over the years and I fully support people going back and re-reading, downloading my fics, hell even binding them if you want, who even KNOWS what the internet is going to be like in 5-10 years time. (Just don't sell my fics for money or claim them as your own.)

But I'm tired, I don't know where that ToA spark is hiding anymore. I will ultimately go towards whatever makes my brain go brrrrrrrr, and for me rn that is in worldbuilding stuff and my gay little dnd guys. It is possible that finishing Under the Wave will bring it back again, but I can't make promises.

[2020 Retrospective] [2021 Retrospective] [2022 Retrospective] [2023 Retrospective]

[dwarfsized]

things that i would like to know about my fellow writers!

tagged by @aevallare thank you my looovveee

i will tag @simon-says-nothing and @raccooncrimes!

Last book I read: 

i am stalled on The Witch King by Martha Wells, not because it isnt good but just because. lmao. If im reading, i cant be writing. or sewing. or or or. The last one I remember finishing was This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone, and i loved that.

Greatest literary inspiration: 

I put part of a Mary Oliver poem on my graduation cap. Also genuinely quite inspired by Tamsyn Muir.

Things in my current fandom I want to read but I don't want to write:

I dont know if I'd ever try my hand at a modern au but i adore aevallare's pour one out.

I certainly wont write no-magic or all-human aus (I like tieflings a normal amount, she says, lying) but I'm sure someone could do something cool with those.

Things in my current fandoms I want to write but I think nobody would be interested in them but me: 

:') i already think this about my work but i write it anyway. who wants to read astarion stuck in a druid grove when he's [redacted]?? well, i do, so now we have eldath's mercy.

i am working on a story rn where kira is a ghost haunting the szarr palace. do i think very many people will be interested in that? i dont know! but I want to write it, and at least one other person probably wants to read it, so. eventually, it will go up onto ao3.

id love to do something with a focus on minthara. she's going to matter in true colors but that's not going to happen for a while. for now i rotate her in my brain.

You can recognize my writing by:

7000 word chapters where fully half the words are the characters thinking sooo hard, mid-chapter pov shifts, asides about tiefling/druid culture that i've made up whole-cloth, tail mentions.

My most controversial take (current fandom):

if you mod anyone in the game to look younger/more conventionally attractive i am putting you in the oubliette in my mind-palace. why cant you like these characters as they are. i thought we enjoyed this game

if you mod gortash clean or mod away a character's scars, i am putting you in the oubliette inside of the oubliette in my mind-palace.

Current writing mood (10 – super motivated and churning out words like crazy, 0 – in a complete rut):

2 babeyyyy, but if i could instead shelve all the current wips and start wip #15 id be at an 8. alas! i cannot do this.

Top three favourite tropes:

in no particular order:

when a character's specific past experiences lead them to a wrong conclusion that is soooo wrong but like, ohhh sweetie. of course you think that.

magic that has a cost, even divine magic, and cannot fix everything

you were not selected for this. anyone could have been the person in this position. but you are here now, and you have to do the task. get to it.

are these even tropes? do i know what tropes are anymore. help

Share a random frustration:

I USUALLY AVERAGE 700 WRITING WORDS A DAY BUT IVE BEEN EDITING ELDATH'S MERCY CH 2 FOR ALL OF APRIL AND IT HAS BROUGHT MY AVERAGE WORD COUNT DOWN TO 26. 26 WORDS A DAY. BITING. BITING AND YELLING.

[hongchenzhu]

Hong Chen Character intro

@lanthanum12 here you go

Name: Hong Chen

Hong = 红 = red

Chen = 尘 = dust

Altogether her name literally means red dust.

However, there are several deeper meanings behind that name.

In traditional Chinese cultural, 红尘 has always meant as a metaphor for a city of wealth and prosperity.

In Buddhism there is a saying 看破红尘, meaning looking through the red dust. The red dust in this sentence symbolises worldly affairs or mortal affairs.

(Fun fact 尘 and 城 have the same pronunciation in Chinese but have 2 completely different meanings. 尘 means dust 城 means city, 城主 on my blog means city master. Hong Chen can technically also be called city master because she has her own town and stuff but that is too complicated, I can make a whole post about why and how)

She is immortal

Height… very tall (Am tempted to make her like 7.5 feet tall so she’s in the tall gang and can look down at Fingon, maybe even 8 feet tall)

Eye colour: red

Clothing: Hanfu, black with red accents or the other way around (I’ll be describing what type of Hanfu she is wearing and a pic cause we love a fashionista 😎)

Hair colour/length: Long black hair, reaching the back of her knees

Okie now her name has been introduced let me introduce her role and who she truly is.

So, obviously she is not exactly human, Hong Chen is a god. The God of death, but that is not her role. Her role is to make sure her records of those who has died are dead and they have not been resurrected without paying a price.

Essentially, if a person wants to resurrect another, they need to either offer another person’s life or something of equal value. But if a person does not do that than their soul will be punished.

Now let me introduce you to her family, now all of her family member do not have names, my brain is not big enough to give them names so we will be calling them as, mother, brother etc.

Okie.

So, there is her mother, who is currently in this coma state rest because her soul is shattered.

Her brother, who is cursed in this state of constant rebirth without memory, pian and only will regain his memory near his death.

Then her youngest brother, who in this scenario is the Eru Ilúvatar.

Another thing about Hong Chen, other then the fact that she is the oldest out of the three. Hong Chen is the only one born with only her mother, God logic, you can make a kid without the other parent. Hence why she is the heir to her mother’s position.

Another curse that is placed on Hong Chen and her mother is the curse of immortality, the immortality in this case is the inability to die not matter what. With Hong Chen’s mother in this case is in a coma like state so she is currently piecing together her shatter soul. If the body is disintegrated or destroyed, then a long time is spent building her body back. Normally a wax is premade and once the body is destroyed are anything else the soul will travel into the wax model as it builds the body inside out, until it is fully developed.

I am very fixated on Hong Chen, an obsession that I am not going to get out of anytime soon, but this is the basis of who Hong Chen is especially since I for the love of God cannot write reader inserts so for this and many fic to come I will be doing character inserts and the character I am inserting is Hong Chen.

If there is anything I’m missing on the character intro pls tell me.

Hong Chen’s backstory will be done in a different post because I will go deep into how things work and happen. After all, inspiration comes from real life.

This character intro will only focus on Hong Chen as a character insert in the Tolkien legendarium. Other fics that isn't in the legendarium will have a new intro of Hong Chen cause things need to be changed according to the story and the fic. Also, if not most (maybe all 👀) I write is somewhat related to the main story in one way or another.

(TBF rn I'm just focusing on what happens in The Silmarillion, I'll get the book and read it once I get the chance 🫠)

[babygirlboeser]

guys i fully intended to post the rempe fic tonight and it is written but i had a couple things i wanted to fix before i post it but ive been sitting here for an hour trying to focus and i literally cant and im so tired and feel so sick rn and just cant focus on anything. so im gonna finish it in the morning and post it tomorrow afternoon but i feel so bad i literally said i was gonna post it yesterday and now its gonna be two days late but i cannot for the life of me focus lately i feel like my brain is shutting down. i mean i could post it now but there are a couple things i wanna add. im sorry😭

[yaminerua]

one of the things that makes writing fics so excruciating for me rn is I Cannot fully get into the zone typing on the phone

I try writing fics in the Notes app and other things but like. I feel like my brain flows better when using a physical computer keyboard and I can just stream of consciousness channel words from my head to the page generally much better and with much more ease

on my phone I’m super bad at typing. I butcher words so hard autocorrect doesn’t know what I’m going for half the time bc I try to type fast and I just hit every other key by accident lmfao but that interrupted flow from all the typos disrupts my focus so much;;

I really don’t know how I got those things written back in smegtober bc trying to find the focus to work on my other wips on my phone feels like nails down a chalk board;; it’s just another thing that makes me mourn the loss of my old laptop

[sohotthateveryonedied]

HEY I GOT IT

NICE NICE NICE!!! ENJOY IT PAL!!!!

[meowzfordayz]

no matter the weather

Author’s Note: hate and/or phobic attitudes/behaviors ≠ tolerated. If aforementions apply to you, then pls and ty gtfo. 🙃

no matter the weather

Agatsuma Zenitsu x Reader

Word Count: ~1,900

CW: misgendering, Nb!Reader

Request Fulfilled: Please do a zenitsu x nb reader coming out 🥺 I love your work btw!

~faqs~

Okay okay okay

Addressing the elephant in my brain

I feel… awkward, writing this 😶

Like, not a bad awkward

But like a… I’m-hyper-aware-that-I’m-she/her-identifying awkward ??

I just don’t want to generalize the intimacy of coming out

That being said, some of my friends/mutuals are nonbinary

Not to imply that I fully comprehend being nb just bc “oh whoop dee doo you know nb ppl”

Anywho

Basically I want to do this prompt justice

While being conscientious that I’m she/her identifying

Additionally: I likely would not tackle this subject if it wasn’t specifically requested 

i.e. I would naturally consider writing Reader coming out as bisexual, bc I am bi; I would not naturally consider writing Reader coming out as nb, bc I am not nb

Zenitsu fawns over pretty

Natural, man made, tangible, intangible, and pertaining to humans

Maybe also pertaining to demons ?? Bc daaayum some of them do be pretty 👀

Let’s not go there atm LOL

So the first time he meets you

In a clearing in a forest — it’s pouring 🌧 btw bc why not ?? #vibes he’s lowkey lost

Even tho you’re battered, bloodied, bruised, and soaked to the bone

You’re an adept swordsman and member of the Demon Slayer Corps yourself tyvm

(so I actually researched the word “swordsman” for another fanfic bc I wasn’t sure how to make it gn—gender neutral, and apparently its historically acceptable/common to refer to anyone capable of wielding a sword as a “swordsman” 🤓)

All he can focus on is how pretty you are

Nobody looks pretty after slaying demons

Except for you ?? Whoever you are ??

He tries to introduce himself

But do y’all recall how he gets when he’s around pretty ??

Man cannot, does not, will not, function at 100% — maaaybe 63%, but that’s being generous

“Hiiiii,” he garbles 

You’re unimpressed, albeit, flattered

“Wait, wait, wait,” he panics as you raise an eyebrow, “I’m Agatsuma Zenitsu!”

Okay

“I’m [y/n],” you’re curt

This man’s drooling 🤤

Like whaaat

Your eyes are pretty

Your hair is pretty

Even your bloody nose is pretty 🤭

And now your name is pretty too ??

How unfair that he can’t even act non creepy

What w/ you short circuiting his neurons’ feeble attempts to fire properly

“How should I address you?” he’s desperate to pay his respects

He knows you’re not a Hashira; not -sama or -sensei

But are you -san?

-chan?

Can he say just [y/n] like he says just Inosuke and Tanjirou?

Let me tell you rn

He’s clinging to the meager control he has left to not call you [y/n]-chan

—I’ve done a ton of Japanese honorific research (I suspect my Japanese honorific research will never end), and basically -chan expresses that the speaker finds the person endearing… akin to calling someone “babe” within 1 minute of knowing them (assuming a I’m-attracted-to-you context)

Like, y’all just met

He’s not aiming to get slapped

But he’s def already daydreaming about singing [y/n]-chan, [y/n]-chan, [y/n]-chan as y’all frolic in some flowering meadow or whatever 💀

Wrong question

“I said, I’m [y/n],” you’re… steely

Still pretty

But sharp

He gulps

Doesn’t shout again as you begin walking away

I mean, I guess it’s cool that she’s comfortable going by first name ??

Took a while to get there w/ Inosuke and Tanjirou

Yup, uh huh, that’s it 😮‍💨

You’re just super chill! 🤗

Man’s down bad

And lost

Hopelessly lost

It’s still pouring

Riperoni Zenitsu

The second time you meet is at the Butterfly Mansion

He’s doing okay surprisingly 

You? Not so much

Your arm and leg are fractured 

Opposing arm and leg

Author makes the rules, sorry not sorry, the visual of that is too funny

Neither are severe, and mostly due to being overworked (jumping from rooftop to rooftop and falling constantly to the ground can’t be that good for your health altho obvi anime makes it look awesome)

That being said

You’ve received stern warnings, multiple stern warnings, about the importance of resting

“They’re stress fractures at the moment, but you want to be able to use that arm and that leg eventually, right?” Shinobu had admonished you in her cheerful, slightly very passive aggressive tone

“Yes Kocho-sama,” you’d grunted

And then seconds later… “Oh no, no, no- Kocho-sama… ??”

“[y/n]?!”

Agatsuma Zenitsu 😒

“Agatsuma-kun,” you greet him cheekily

He blanches

“You can’t be that much older than me!”

You laugh quietly

And he melts, oozes, gooey

“Fine,” he mumbles, “You can call me whatever’ll make you laugh that like.”

“You’re uninjured,” you observe, “So why are you here?”

“I was injured, and now I’m just waiting for a new mission.” She’s talking to meeeee !! 😍

“I’m thirsty.”

He blinks

You blink

And then there’s a glass of water being held out to you

Wow

“Thunder Breathing?”

He nods Please be impressed, please be impressed, please be impressed

You’re a little impressed, grabbing the glass

“Thank you.”

“Sooo tell me about yourself ??” he tilts his head Is this him being cute? 🧐

“Don’t you have somewhere to be? Chores? Training?” you mutter

“I can take care of you!” he’s enthusiastic Irritatingly, enthusiastic

“I can manage.”

“But I’ll make things easier!”

“You’re giving me a headache.”

That deflates him, but not by much

“Would you like me to find Aoi-san and-”

“No,” you grit your teeth, “You, are giving me a headache. Which means you, should go.”

He’s crestfallen

But fear not! Zenitsu perseveres 😤

“I’ll join you for lunch, then?”

You audibly growl

“It’s a date!” he grins, ignoring you

“You better bring extra seaweed crips,” you hiss

So sue me, resting is boring

And his persistence is… charming persistent?

“You can’t hang out with me forever,” you smirk fondly

He pouts

Somehow, Zenitsu’s kept you company for almost an entire week

You occasionally catch yourself thinking My water boy bc srsly — he gets you whatever you ask for, the second you ask for it

Before remembering that he’s supposed to annoy you

Which, he does

But

He’s also…

Interesting ??

An open book

If you’re curious, then he’ll answer

“Why does your hair look like—that?” you gesture vaguely

He blushes, “As in, its color, or its messiness?”

If you lean in as Zenitsu proceeds to tell about his encounter w/ ⚡️🌩⚡️, then he doesn’t mention it

Which is tactful of him

Bc you would’ve kicked him out 🦵💥

Literally

It’s not like both of your legs are on bedrest

“[y/n]…” he’s tentative

“Hm?”

“What’s your favorite weather?”

“Depends on what I’m doing.”

He stares expectantly

🙄

You cave

“On missions, partially cloudy. Less exhausting to fight in a moderate temperature, and an ideal amount of light.”

Zenitsu is thrilled by the details you’re providing *dreamy sigh*

“In general… I appreciate when the weather matches my mood. It’s frustrating when I’m content inside but it’s dreary outside, or when I’m sad inside but it’s rainbows and butterflies outside.”

And then you just, stop

That’s it 👏

That’s the [y/n] info sesh for the day

He gets the message, doesn’t push it

Giggles and waves at you as he leaves

“Tell me more tomorrow?”

Your silence is… more soothing, than usual

So he goes ahead and interprets that as a resounding YES

😬

“What’s your favorite fruit?”

Zenitsu sits at the end of your cot

He’s totally inched closer and closer to you throughout the week

Initially he’d just stood

Until you’d realized he was determined to continue standing

So you’d clenched your jaw and told him to Just get a chair

His excitement had not been subtle

“Nikkori.”

(Nikkori = type of Japanese pear)

“So big and juicy.” 😋

You glare at him

Hard

—I 💗 innuendos hehehe

“When will you quit bothering me?”

You’re not as harsh anymore

Even you can hear the difference

“When will I be able to address you as [y/n]-chan?” Zenitsu quips, winking boldly

He flicks a switch he didn’t even know existed

Lights out

“Out.”

“Huh?” he’s dismayed, “What did I-” he protests weakly, shriveling rapidly

Why is she suddenly dismissing me?! Look at me… look at meee…

You don’t look at him

If this were a game of stubbornness, then you’d win

But it isn’t a game of anything

“Out.” 😦

Tail tucked between his legs, he gets off your cot

Glances timidly at you

Nothing 😕

There’s nothing on your face even hinting that you might like, want, need him to defy you

So

He doesn’t

The next time he sees you

In another clearing in another forest ?? Let’s assume it’s sunny ☀️ this time bc you’ve suffered enough

He’s still lost tho

He’s… apprehensive

You’re as pretty as ever

That glow in your eyes? 👌

Your hand painted haori? 👌

How warm your gaze is? 👌

He only wishes it was directed toward him

But he hasn’t figured out how exactly he screwed up 😓

“Zenitsu asked to call her [y/n]-chan?!” — Tanjirou

“IDIOT !!” *insert howling here* “AHAHAHA HE’S GOING TO PERISH ALONE.” — Inosuke

“That was quite forward of Agatsuma-kun!” — Shinobu

“How flashy! A shame it went poorly!”  — Tengen

“Aww how adorable! My fingers are crossed for Agatsuma-kun!” — Mitsuri

“Hm.” *insert shrug* “That’s unfortunate.” — Giyuu

“Agatsuma-san.”

…

“Agatsuma-san.”

You startle him from his pity party

Wide eyed, he points at his chest

Me? She’s addressing me?! Meeeee!

Dude: there’s just two ppl in the clearing—you, and them 😐

Poor guy nearly trips moving closer to you

“I’m sorry for discomforting you! I overstepped.”

You’re amused

“I promise to call you [y/n] or [y/n]-san!”

You snort

“I miss answering your questions and you sometimes answering mine,” he sucks in a deep breath, “And I’m glad you’re back to normal!” he freezes, “I mean, you’ve always been normal! But you’re healed now too!”

You laugh quietly

His favorite laugh

“Zenitsu-san.”

—When I tell you his heart flip flops

—It’s doing round off back handspring full twisting doubles 🤸‍♂️

“I owe you an apology.”

He gapes at you

Jaw noticeably dropped

Starts stammering an objection, but you interrupt him

“What was the first question you asked me?”

“How should I address you?” he squeaks

—FYI

—Zenitsu hasn’t forgotten a single second, minute, hour of your time spent together

—Everything about you is #longtermmemoryworthy

“That isn’t an easy question for me,” you smile wryly

“Oh?” he’s confused

“How do you… imagine, me?” 😳 “Not like that.” 😅 “Am I… masculine? Feminine?”

Maaan he’s sweating bullets

How tf is he gonna answer politely ??

“Um,” he swallows, “You’re… pretty?”

Aaand now you’re sweating too

“Thank you, Zenitsu-san. More precisely though… why did you ask to call me [y/n]-chan?”

He’s connecting the dots

“Would you prefer [y/n]-kun?”

You chuckle, “I’d rather [y/n]-san or simply, [y/n].”

The corners of his mouth downturn abruptly

“Zenitsu-san?”

Dread swims in your stomach

Ambient noise ringing dissonant in your ears

I guess I can’t stay pretty forever

Your nervous grasp on your haori tightens

Bracing to depart — bracing to flee

“[y/n],” he chokes out

You refuse to look at him

“[y/n],” he whispers

“I’m ashamed,” he exhales raggedly

“I’m ashamed that I made this… so, difficult. For you.”

You let go of your haori

Dumbfounded

“I’m happy to address you however you’d like. I’m happy to imagine you however is most comfortable. For you.”

He’s… soft

How he looks

How he stands

How he waits

“You’re pretty,” he murmurs, “No matter the weather,” he cups his palms out to you

Sunshine

For them

You mime putting something in your pocket

He laughs

Elated

Exuberant

Enthralled

You laugh

His favorite laugh

Quiet

For him

[internetgremlin-writes]

FLAT SPIN CHAP 5 SPOILERS!!

OH MY GOD IGGY THAT CHAPTER WAS ABSOLYTELY PERFECT!!!!

The way he asked her to come to Barcelona… SO carlos of him I wanted to cry… AND THE WAY HE METICULOUSLY PLANNED EVERYTHING? I am sorry if you dont like / dont care about zodiacs BUT THE VIRGO ENERGY IN HIM JUMPED OUT, and I respect it soooo much. Everything he planned was so /him/, but also so so perfect for MC — the little gestures? Ordering for her? Translating everything for her? POSTING HER ON HIS STORY? God i literally melted

AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON HIM COOKING FOR HER… because god damn you Know how Weak I am and it was so beautiful, also the British breakfast once again just shows how much he cares for her and understands her🥹 i am just about to combust actually

AND THEN RACE WEEKEND? And everything with the green tractor and also MC and Sebs relationship? Once again nailed it sm god i love these teammates… and how she didnt want to fight Seb / come across like that because he just means so much to her????? Girl you got me on the floor rn…

What I cannot stop thinking about is how shes in for the championship, and as of rn so is Carlos… Will they be fighting each other further down the line or… 👀 Make up sex as an apology for aggressive overtaking again? Or podium celebration sex because BOTH of them ended up on the podium (Silverstone? 👀) So many possibilities omfg dont mind me

AND THEN LAST BUT NOT LEAST (thiugh i still have so much to say but my slow ass brain needs a bit of time i guess) the ending was just perfect… like am I the only one thinking Carlos didnt want to sleep with her pre race weekend bc he wanted to fully focus on her but couldnt with all the GO expectations around him? But now that it was done he could let himself fully focus on her and give her all the attention he thinks she deserves? God I love them sm… And the way you let all those emotions show through during the smut was just CHEFS KISS, the way they understand each other is just so 🥹🥹🥹 i have no words lol other than i’m SO obsessed..,

God i hope this all is legible its 4:14am now and i am prone to word vomit already when my brain is working so this may just sound like incoherent crap but i hope you know this chapter was SO GOOD, also the way you captured Barcelona imo was spot on like I wouldnt have noticed that it was all based on research and not personal experiences (though i guess i must confess i havent been to barcelona since i was 4 either… JSJDKFKF BUT YOU MANAGED TO CAPTURE THE SPANISH VIBES PERFECTLY THAT I CAN TELL YOU BC I JUST VACATIONED IN SPAIN LAST MONTH)

okay oh my god i am back from festival and i am finally going to reply to this without crying halfway through...

firstly OH MY GOD. you... you wrote all this... about my work?? I'm touched, I'm shook, I'm honoured, this is honestly the best feeling and probably as close to a "real" author with people analysing my work as I'll ever get and I am ABSOLUTELY here for it (especially as a literature nerd who loves to pick apart all of my books for fun)

haha I don't *dislike* zodiacs, I don't really follow them to that much detail but I vaguely have an idea of them. To be honest, the way I write Carlos is purely based on the guy we see as a Formula One driver and personality (but now you say that I totally see the virgo energy). ALSO I'M SO GLAD YOU NOTICED THOSE I am entirely convinced Carlos is a very detail-oriented person and especially when he is first seeing someone he would be really careful to go out of the way to do really subtle but meaningful things yanno?

As for the championship fight... well I don't want to give anything away but oh I *definitely* have a plan for MC and Carlos and the WDC ;)

Haha don't worry it all made sense! And thank you so much for the comment about Barcelona... it's a little embarrassing how long I spent on google for things to do in and around the city because I've never been to mainland Spain, so even if it's not 100% accurate I'm just happy the vibes were right!!

honestly just thank you so much for this, it means the absolute world <3 <3 <3

[campfire-collective]

hey!! I found the light house discussion to be very fascinating. I'm so glad you could find something to help you sleep. it's a process for sure but that's super cool and awesome. proud of you for working on helping yourself!

also it's super unique as well.. I've never heard of anything like this..?

i was wondering... i don't exactly understand when you two speak about the lighthouse. You said you bought it? but it's an idea?

I tried looking stuff up for it... is it a solo rpg you found? how did you come up with that idea to use it like that and do you have any suggestions for people who want to get into something like that?

i struggle with winding down for sleep and i really need more creative outlets so i'm super curious, but please, don't feel pressured to respond or anything. /srs /nm

I wish you the best of luck, as well, and I hope your night tonight is good :)

ohh okay i'll answer this one b4 i go to bed so i don't forget (n then good night to everyone because it is nearly 2am dear god when did THAT happen)

okay so i bought a game called "the lighthouse at the edge of the universe." if you want i can probably find a link for you. it's a journaling rpg, so basically it's a pdf (which i printed into a nice foldable little booklet that fits into my notebook) that has various prompts and things to sort of guide you to tell a story. e.g, you might flip a card that says what kind of event happens ("something needs to be fixed") and then roll a dice for outcome ("you fail"), and then you tell a little story based on that.

so i bought the game but obviously you cannot purchase an Idea. the lighthouse in my brain was free.

i have a BUNCH of solo rpgs bc i'm really into them (if u remind me i'll share some of my favorites bc i can't remember the names rn), and this one explicitly had the instructions "intended to be played before bed." being the good rule following autistic that i am (/lh), i obviously very eagerly went to bed on time to play it as soon as possible. match made in heaven.

i don't know how much i paid for it but these things tend to run under $10, and usually far cheaper. frankly i just snoop on itch.io bundles and snap things up when i can afford them. also drivethrurpg (i think that's what it's called?), but i use itch.io more.

using it as an innerworld experience tool came pretty naturally to me: it's a reflective game that i was already writing about myself and using to reflect my mood/etc., and i've always fallen asleep by thinking about stories. (i have/had maladaptive daydreaming traits. i never was fully madd, but definitely i veered close to it.)

if u want to use a solo rpg for innerworld things, my advice is to look for one that's specifically a journaling rpg, because some aren't. hearth has some more "crunchy" ones (i use that word very loosely because by their nature, all solo rpgs tend to be pretty soft). the qualities that make this work for me:

game is continuous (each entry takes place at the same lighthouse which i build and develop over time. that's a part of the game. there's no ending point, and there's not really a story.)

game doesn't focus on interpersonal interactions

game encourages you to use ur mood/etc. as prompts/inspiration (bc innerworld experiences are metaphorical, this helps it translate well)

lots of solo rpgs r free! they tend to use only a few things (my solo rpg bag has a notebook, where we write all of them, a d20, two d6, a coin, and a deck of cards, and that covers basically every game, barring the ones which use a tarot deck), and they span very wide genres. it's a lot of fun if you like that structured storytelling crunch.

ok this was longer than i meant whoops gn!

-sparrow

[bokuroskitten]

It’s taken me too long to write these down!!! I’m not gonna explicitly say who does what for the most part cuz i think they’re both fully capable of taking on any role, but here are my ideas around Bokuto and Terushima both being switches:

They like being the center of attention!! Bokuto especially imo. So it just makes sense to basically take turns with one of them being doted on and pleasured, specifically when one is having a rough time lately. Praise kink for daaaaays to help boost them back up to their normal peppy selves 💖

I def think they compete too! Like trying to get the other super flustered and see who goes all blushy first. No doubt one of them sets out to be the one in charge that night, only to have the tables completely turned on them 😏

There’s no guarantee he’ll succeed next time either hehe

And then if you’re in there too, it gets a lil more exciting!!

Again, praise kink: they want to worship their precious baby and make you feel so loved and special and watch you absolutely melt under them. No thoughts, brain empty, can only focus on the feeling of their hands and cocks and loads of cum on you and in you 🥴

It’s super fun when one of them subs with you too!! Whether you two are instructed to then pleasure whoever’s domming or fuck each other while he watches or one of you takes on like a middle role where you sub for the dom and dom for the sub...it’s gonna be a good time 🤤

How many times can I write or in a single sentence lol

Aaaaaand they both like getting the chance to sub for you too!! They’re always game for whenever you suggest it, and sometimes it’ll be them shyly asking you to take over for the night.

Seriously tho, they’d be down to either be at your mercy and instructed on how to please you, or please each other while you get to supervise

Or maybe play with yourself without letting them touch...but that might be more of a punishment for all of you than anything else hehe 😉

This is so long, I’m sorry but I’m just so in love with both of them, like honestly 😍 ty for letting me indulge and share with you!! And if you have any ideas in turn pls hmu I’m always thirsty for more 😘

IVE BEEN WAITINNNNNN— Andy please I’m 🤤

Okai these are so FRICKEN GOOD PLEASE LORD, I would LOvE to see them fight for dominance like please— it’s so playful but it’s also hella sexy 🥴🥴. HAIWBJWW I would literally cry, watching one get all fluster while me and the other just tease him for being so cute AHHH 😩😩 god damn I’m frothing at the mouth rn I cannot—

May I just add—

I think that Bokuto just gets really flustered by Teru’s tongue ring. Teru knows this and uses it to his advantage. Shamelessly sticks his tongue out, runs it along Bokuto’s bottom lip just ti have him getting all blushy—

But he gets even more flustered when it’s pressed into his cock— AHHHHH 😩😩😩

[hieludoboi]

Okay okay hear me out,,, Todoroki x a nb!reader,,, He finally actually confessed to them and the reader is just like cannot accept that Todoroki Shouto actually likes them. They're in total disbelief

A/n- Reader’s just standing there like “Me? Oh. That’s right, who else here is named Y/n” and Shouto’s kinda just standing there like ‘....’

A/n- Also! Just the thought of Pro Hero Todo getting like a scone or something sweet every morning before a patrol (I headcanon Shouto liking sweets, just idk, something about it just works for me) and slowly falling for the baker at his favorite bakery

A/n- I did a little research for how to write non-binary readers and such, and I feel like it’s kinda difficult to write for them unless specifics are given! Some non-binary individuals are masculine, other’s are feminine, some go by they/them, some by she/her or sometimes by zie/zim. I didn’t feel like it was right for me to write for these individuals specifically until I do a bit more research and learn to properly write for them!

A/n- Non-binary is a blanket term encompassing a whole list of genders/identities that don’t exactly follow societal gender norms! Sometimes non-binary individuals have gendered pronouns, sometimes they don’t! Since you didn’t specify I’m going to label this as a more gender neutral thing! 

A/n- Update, I researched like two hours and I still don’t understand. My brain very fried no work from online classes brainrot but not by bokuto by staring at screen all dy. Someone pls give my pigeon brain examples on how to properly write for nb! readers rn or I’ll pull out the glock >:(

Pairing- Pro Hero! Shouto / Gn! Reader

Summary- So he was serious? 

Warnings- not really?

It was a mundane Tuesday morning. The sun had yet to rise, slowly peaking over the city’s skyline, yet somehow getting lost among all the trees and towers. As with every morning, Y/n started off their day by preparing for their day. A quick shower, followed by washing their face and brushing their teeth. Before they knew it, they were trudging out of the house and making their way to the bakery to prepare for the morning rush.

Y/n was quirkless in a society plagued by quirks, an average day to day citizen if you will. They didn’t mind, in fact, life even seemed a bit easier when they didn’t have to worry about controlling some strange and odd power. The rest of the world, however, couldn’t begin to fathom how they even managed to lead a life without a quirk. 

Stifling a yawn, they made their way to the front door, unlocking it before closing it and locking it behind them. If the day went as planned, which normally it didn’t, they’d have scones, muffins, and croissants all out and freshly baked by six. Bear claws, donuts, and danish pastries would be out by eight, all the rolls and loafs would be done by ten and by eleven they could hopefully get started on the sugary sweets that their younger costumers seemed to enjoy so much. 

Their morning dragged on as usual. One by one the rest of the employees pooled into the back kitchen, kneading dough and making batters to pour in to tins or mold into shape. Grunting, Y/n picked up a tray chocked full of scones and made their way towards the display cases, setting the tray atop the display and carefully arranging the scones inside. Looking up at the pretty light blue clock, Y/n hummed. Their day rarely went as planned, but they could always count on Shouto coming in once the clock hit six-thirty. 

“Waiting on Mr. Pro-Hero?” Y/n turned around, feeling the heat begin to seize the apples of their cheeks. Sputtering, Y/n turned around, ignoring their coworker and instead focusing on arranging the last of the scones.

“Come onnnnnn! How are you so oblivious!” Y/n huffed, quickly standing up before thrusting the empty tray into Hina, their coworker’s, hands. “Y/n. He likes you!!” Hina groaned, following a wordless Y/n back into the kitchen. 

“Hina. No he doesn’t!!” Y/n mocked Hina as they slid a tray of muffins into the oven. Hina grunted, pulling out a giant bowl of risen dough before letting it fall onto a flowered counter top. “Besides, he’s rumored to be dating Creati,” Y/n pointed out, dusting their hands off on their apron.

“They’re just ru-” Hina rubbed her temples, watching as Y/n made their way towards the front at the sound of the little bell ringing. When would they stop being so oblivious?

--------------------------------

Nothing seemed to go right that morning. While on his usual morning patrols, Shouto had run into Momo. While it was a welcome surprise, the situation was not. They had run into each other while battling a lowlife villain with a disastrous quirk. Damages were not kept to a minimum, and all Shouto wanted to do after being chewed out by local authorities was to go bite into a delicious scone at his favorite bakery. 

“This could have gone better,” Momo sighed, rubbing her temples as they both surveyed the damage they had done to the small plaza. Shouto nodded, he couldn’t agree more. “We should probably go out west, right? If there were robberies here, there’s bound to be some in the shopping centre,” Shouto nodded, Momo had some nice ideas. 

“We can stop by a bakery there too, I know a place that makes some nice scones,” Shouto explained as they walked, a subtle smile on his face at the thought of the baker that awaited him every morning. “What time is it?” SHouto asked, turning to look at Momo. 

“Oh, it’s around seven-thirty, why?” This morning could not have gone any worse for Shouto. First, he has to stop villains at the crack of dawn, and now he’s going to miss out on scones? Admittedly, they didn’t sell fast, but the bakery didn’t make a lot of them either. 

“No reason,” Shouto shrugged. He hoped he wouldn’t miss Y/n.

-------------------------------------

Y/n sighed, watching as the seconds ticked by on the clock overhead. It was eight already. Shouto was never late, ever. The man had a thing for punctuality, and even when everything was going wrong, Y/n could always count on seeing their favorite customer before the sun fully rose.

“Pretty boy ain’t here yet?” Y/n stood up, turning to look at the smug grin on their co-worker’s face. Curling their lip and rolling their eyes, Y/n went back to slouching over the counter, resting their chin on their palm as they zoned in on the glass door ahead of them. “C’mon boss! Cheer up, we’ll never make any sales with a grumpy face up front!” Y/n frowned seemed to become deeper, rooting itself in their brows and lips. 

“And I suppose having a super buff woman who looks like she can pop your head off with a squeeze of her biceps at the counter will allure customers like nothing ever could?” Y/n teased, grinning as Hina flexed her biceps. 

“Children adore me. They see me and are amazed by the ‘big muscle woman’,” Hina gloated, wiggling her eyebrows while continuing to pose behind the counter.

“Yeah yeah, go help Kohaku before he breaks an arm trying to knead the dough,” Y/n grumbled, pushing Hina into the kitchen so they could focus on the sales upfront. Kohaku liked decorating cakes, but every once in a while he’d have to knead dough while Hina helped Y/n arrange things up front.

Picking at their nails for a minute or so with boredom, Y/n’s head instantly popped up as soon as the bell on the glass door chirped. Their eyes instantly attatched themselves to the blue suit before them, almost completely ignoring the red latex that stood beside it. 

“Shou! I was starting to think you’d... never get here,” Y/n’s voice was filled with excitement at first, immediately dying off at the sight of Creati, who stood right next to him. Offering the pro hero a pleasant smile, Y/n grabbed their gloves and tray, their tongs hanging off a little hook on the display case.

“What can I get for you two?” Y/n asked, the bright smile that usually reached their eyes seeming to drown before it could fully rise. Shouto frowned a bit to himself, wondering where the usually happy and bright baker he had grown so used to had gone. Was he maybe reading too into it? 

“Oh! I’ll a pumpkin walnut muffin! They look so good!” Momo praised, delicately pointing to her preferred muffin through the glass case. 

“Thank you, made the recipe myse-”

“And we baked them!” Y/n winced at Hina’s booming voice, opening their eyes as soon as it died out. 

“Sorry about that, you’ll come to find that this bakery comes alive after a certain hour,” Y/n explained with a giggle, placing the muffin on the tray they held. “And you, Shouto?” Y/n asked, tilting their head a bit as they awaited his answer. 

“The usual,” Shouto made sure to offer them a grin, shoving his hands into the pockets of his suit as he watched Y/n set the tray on the counter. 

“Lucky you, I made sure to save one just for you!” Y/n hummed happily, reaching for the last scone before placing it on the tray. Shouto could feel the shy smile subtly spreading on his face, did they really save on just for him? 

“I’ll pay, it’s the least I can do after you helped me out earlier today,” Momo said, turning to give Shouto a smile. 

“Right, thank you, Momo,” Shouto gratefully accepted his scone, waving goodbye to Momo as she left the shop. Shouto preferred to eat his scones at the shop anyway.

“Are you not joining me today?” Shouto looked up, a confused look on his face as he watched Y/n fidget behind the counter. They would always snack on a danish pastry and sit with Shouto before he had to leave again. It was routine at this point. 

“Oh! Right, sorry,” Y/n muttered sheepishly, snagging a pastry from the display case before heading over to Shouto’s usual spot by the window. For the umpteenth time that day, Shouto could feel himself frowning. He wondered what was wrong. 

“S-so you and Creati?” Y/n asked, taking a small bite from the sweet bread that sat in their hands. Shouto looked up, eyes widened in surprise, midway through a bite of his scone. Was that what this was about?

“She helped me stop some villains this morning, that was all,” Shouto explained. Y/n hummed, nodding their head as they started to pick at the jam filled sweet in front of them. “Oh, uhm...” Shouto mumbled, his brow furrowed as he began to search his pockets. Where had he left it?

“You okay, Shou?” Y/n giggled, amused by the way his face had contorted when he began to search for his little mystery item. 

“Yeah, fine... Oh! Found it,” Shouto muttered, pulling out the small box that had resided in his pocket since the day prior. “Here, for you,” Shouto mumbled bashfully, sliding the velvet box across the table to Y/n.

“For me? Shou... That’s sweet, but you didn’t have to,” Y/n explained, gently sliding the box back to Shouto. Accepting gifts felt odd, especially if they were from Shouto. They could already imagine what ridiculously expensive gift sat inside.

“Please, open it?” Shouto asked, sliding the box back across and making sure to set it in Y/n’s hands this time. Y/n gasped, eyes wide as they felt the heat rush to their face. Open and closing their mouth in a flustered fit, Y/n finally decided to delicately pry open the box, eyes tripling in size at the sight of the gold chain anklet studded in pearls that sat in the box. 

“Shouto... No, I can’t accept this,” Y/n insisted, shaking their head profusely, shutting the box and trying to put it back in Shouto’s hands.

“You can, and you will. Can we go out sometime?” Y/n could feel their jaw drop to the floor. First the anklet and now he’s just asking for a date like it’s a regular Tuesday?

“M-me?” Y/n asked, looking around the shop, the confusion settling in their eyes, locking their mind in some sort of fuzzy haze. 

“Yes, so, will you?” Shouto asked once more, amused by their cute little reaction.

“Uh, sure... Sure...”

“Cool. I’ll pick you up at seven,”

“But we don’t close untill-”

“THEY’LL BE READY BY 4!”

“Hina-”

“I SAID YOU’LL BE READY BY FOUR DAMNIT!”

“I’ll be ready by four!”

[rk1kheadcanons]

I have a prompt idea if you’re down, no rush at all! I just love the idea of rk1k meeting in college & it just being the first time either of them experience this real and deep love for someone. Like Connor is more on the reserved side & maybe was a lil sheltered, & while Markus is more outgoing he still approaches their relationship very carefully at the start. Both of their feelings for one another develop so strong so quickly, & maybe it scares them a bit and they don’t want to admit it to the other at first just how deeply they’ve fallen for each other because their relationship is still rather new, but it just ends up evolving into this really powerful/beautiful relationship. Can u tell I’m feeling soft rn lol

It's okay Anon, we'll be soft together.

When Connor first enters college, he's still awkward and feels like this is highschool 2.0 all over again. He has no high hopes of it being better than the good times (sharing anecdotes and movie quips with Kara and Chloe in Drama class) or worst than the bad times he experienced (bullying he experienced at the hands of Gavin Reed c/o the varsity football team and fighting with his own closeted feelings).

Connor expected his experiences to just...be.

Connor didn't come here for a good time; he didn't come here for any sort of time. All he intends to do is finish his criminology degree within these four years and dip.

Within a couple of months, he's more sure of himself. He's met some good friends like Simon and Daniel, and Simon's main squeeze, Josh. Daniel and he are best bitches 4 life at the start. He then meets North in English composition and the same happens all over again. The boss WLW and MLM solidarity were real.

He grows into himself with his friends. Now recognizes that he's a hot, gay bitch that has little time for messy people and likes to keep it that way.

He wears a camouflage of the 'shy, sweet type' so he can move around and be unseen easily even as he is constantly on the swivel, partly why he decided to become a detective: he was perfect for it.

His dad thought so too. Had said he would be so dangerous in their respective field because of how he was. He knew Connor was fucking manipulative and maniacal with the cutesy face and dangerous martial arts he'd learned-he'd raised him ofc. That adorable face was a damned front and Hank would guffaw when people fell for it.

Gavin Reed was the first to get his comeuppance senior year of high school and learn this. Connor had played the scared, shy guy- he'd then proceeded to beat the sounds and colors right out of Gavin's raggedy ass.

Now Connor had a damned fan. That bitch followed him to college he was so sprung n that ass whooping. Maybe he gave him brain damage?

Connor ignored him like he did everyone else on campus he wasn't trying to see. He remained reserved and clean-cut. Very few had seen the real him.

Connor had also vowed to not look for a relationship with anyone either in college. Bootycalls? Okay. Something to scratch that itch so he could remain focus on his studies, alright, but not a whole romantic situation.

Connor was just trying to get rid of Gavin for the umpteenth time since this year had started and of fucking course the rest of the football team was there. Gavin didn't know the meaning of "no" and "personal space" and was going to press the issue.

Here steps forward this God of a man. He checks Gavin and Connor's heart in a couple of words.

Gavin's threatened; Connor's titillated.

Markus Manfred enters stage left.

Stupid Markus Manfred and his stupid face, and his stupid heterochromia and stupid kissable mouth. Literally, fuck this dude.

No, literally, fuck him against some fucking lockers in the locker room after Markus winning game right now, get in him, because, because...

God, the way Markus chased his mouth with his own. The way he'd been stripped and lifted as he weighed next to nothing, the quick yet superb preparation on the fly and then the feeling of him quickly and effectively just getting inside... Connor's one leg shook with the stimulus, his other loosely hung around Markus waist for dear life.

Rip to his pants.

He can feel how he's being physically jostled by the other's larger hands, one on his side, the other under his thigh and it's just-

Connor's face is hot and flushed and he knows it. His damned eyes keep fluttering like he's seizing, mouth open and quite possibly drooling like he cannot control his facial muscles, control the noises pouring out of himself as every stroke inside of him touches that one sensitive spot just right.

His nails bite into Markus beautiful copper skin, flecked in freckles as Connor yells out his joyous release to everyone within a three-mile radius.

When it's said and done, they both had to recap how they even got into this scenario.

Neither were complaining, not really, just really taken aback that had happened out of the blue like that and felt so natural. Markus had been chiding Gavin about being a creep, to which Connor amended he was a stalking creep. It hadn't flown over we'll with Markus since he was the captain of the team.

Gav was hazed, he was pissed and retreated. They had stayed and talked to each other. Just talked. Markus invited him to that evening game to which Connor advised he'd already be at because he was a band member. It was early and they had parted but that whole day was filled with happenstance's of Markus appearance and talking to him. The pull had been strong.

The attraction was overwhelming and it was a bit terrifying for both parties to admit. They had just been talking to each other. Nothing significant or substantial.

Markus felt maybe he was riding a gaming win high along with his obvious attraction to Connor.

Connor felt like maybe it was mutual attraction and appreciation for him.

They both left it at that. Where Connor had not seen Markus before, he now began seeing him everywhere: in passing, in some classes, he acts as a student assistant for additional credit and functions.

Connor being in the college band and having a very beautiful jock show him this sort of attention was flattering he has to admit, and that he's a bit curious about him.

Markus asks him out on an official date.

Connor really wants to scoff at him because the scared, nerdy kid inside of him says this is a trap, he's doing this for an elaborate prank, that this is somehow tied to Gavin and you will regret this.

Connor has a hard time believing that someone that looks like Markus would genuinely be interested in a person like him. Then again, he had just blown his back out magnificently not that long ago.

Markus is all warm and fuzzy, bubbly and chipper and Connor gets drunk on the free serotonin every time they meet.

He takes the plunge and says yes to the date and has never regretted it.

The conversation is immaculate, the expectations realistic and superb, and Markus is not just a jock: he's down to earth, adopted into money but lives simply. He wants to be a painter like his dad...

His father is the Carl Manfred, the famous painter and Connor feels like he had an aneurysm.

Connor tells Markus about his Lieutenant Dad, Henry 'Hank' Anderson. How he was the youngest lieutenant on the Detroit police force and Markus stupidly and excitedly smiles and says "I know! I was such a fan of your dad. He helped my dad when art thieves were stealing one-of-a-kind art from the museum!"

Connor is so damned smitten with this lovely creature that it's insane. He thinks he really might lo..like Markus a lot.

Connor's thoughts derail at the word choice a scowl on his face. What was he, 10?

Markus would run away so damned fast if he said those words to him. Just because they'd been going out and now regularly intimate didn't make it love, right? Why, then, did it bother Connor that it felt so right only with this man?

Markus notices the sour disposition Connor has, tries to get him back into the conversation, and even though Connor says he's okay, Markus knows that he's withdrawn from the conversation fully.

Unbeknownst to Connor, Markus had his strong feelings as well over the matter.

He was feeling Connor hard. It blindsided him and he knew that he needed to talk about this with Connor, lest one or both of them get hurt.

They both had fallen hard, much harder than they thought they would.

Instead of that talk Markus promised himself he was mature and level-headed enough for them both to have or even Connor just acknowledging the truth of the matter, they left the relationship in a sort of limbo, as is, neither wanting to face that four-letter word headlong in such a brutally honest way, fear that maybe just maybe what each of them had been feeling wasn't that and neither wanted the hurt if it wasn't L O V E.

I have more ideas on this one but I'll cut it for now because it's huge for a Tumblr post, lol. If it gets some interest, I have no problem with continuing it in another post of my own. HMU if you do like like. 😘

[sheerioswifties]

Hello everyone.

Sorry I've not been around or able to update the past week. Things have just gotten progressively worse, and it's been a LOT to handle, while every day trying to just survive, while my illnesses have flared to levels I've not experienced before, and while Bill and Jeanette have been on the attack nonstop and me unable to keep up with all I need to do.

I'm still alive though, and I'm still in this fight. I'll be working on update posts soon. I'm trying to break things down into more bite-sized, tl;dr posts so it's easier to follow and understand all that's transpired. For the first time in 5 years I'm finally able to be open and talk about myself, my life, and what's gone on, to share my truths, and I want to do it right, the best way I can.

I've not been able to hear folklore yet. I've still not even seen the City of Lover concert, and was really sad when yesterday I tried to log into the blessed free Disney+ account we'd had on our phone only to discover the show isn't there. So idk. And folklore I've not been able to look but I'm hoping it's all at least on YouTube because that's my only TV/music source rn. But I've been hit with a week long migraine so I just couldn't do anything but lay in the dark. I have so much I want to talk with you all about and I know now that everyone will be super focused on folklore but there's also some really important and alarming things going on that I just cannot turn away from and focus on the album. BLM, the massive upcoming evictions and homelessness...

Not to mention that, I'm just across the river from Portland and... what's going on there/here... I need to be careful what I say but I need to tell you all that what you're seeing of it on the news- it's MUCH worse. And how certain individuals are trying to spin it, portray a different narrative about what's going on in this very peaceful, hippie/hipster city... it's deadass lies and it is scary af. I have to go to a lot of my medical appointments over there, and Portland is the city we're in the metro area of, it's the hub for everything and I just... it's bad out here and it needs everyone's constant attention and diligent efforts to ensure the worst doesn't happen. And I'll tell you it's especially scary as I'm standing to be thrown into homelessness, on the street, dependant on having to go around to places all over the metro area for food banks and stuff (I mean if we can even get enough gas) and people are being kidnapped off the street. And, now, if I got COVID-19 and am hospitalized, I'm facing the potential of authorities deciding to let me die since I'm disabled and deemed not as essential a person... while the likelihood I'll catch it is SO high considering it's now very clear that the Bryants have been purposely trying to infect me (coughing on doorknobs and light switches and spreading their bodily fluids all over dishes and into food is the tip of the iceberg) and throw me on the street, where there's no protection I mean just trying to use public bathrooms is... just this is serious and bad. I'm still trying to process and wrap my brain around all of this, still trying to figure out WHY. Especially, why did my own local family members conspire with Bill and Jeanette to do this... I really don't fully understand it and ngl, it really breaks my heart.

Anyways again I'll update with more details as I can because a lot more has happened and I really still need help and signal boosting. The Bryants are VERY aggressively trying to silence and bury me, discredit me as a witness so they can get away with everything they did including the felony violence against me... so again, the only thing I can do is go public and get this story out as big and viral as possible, so that in the very least they can't keep hurting others.

Anyways I gotta run. Love you all. ♡