#my brain is occupied by both aaaa

[mike-milkyway]

So, I'm rewatching the Marvel Infinity saga and I'm in Civil War...

You're telling me there's this very kind guy who got brainwashed into being a weapon. Said guy has a dear friend who trusts him with his life and whom he has a deep connection. Now, his friend is meant to kill him but doesn't because he just cant deal with hurting him? Even if his friend isn't himself anymore and even if his friend is deliberately trying to hurt him too?

GEE! I wonder where I've seen this before...

(One piece. In one piece. Shout out to Zoro and Sanji)

[domthedevil]

heyyy!! i’m like obsessed with your blog, and i hope you don’t mind me requesting this, you can decline if you have to 💕 i understand.

as stated in your irl, why not dom the devil? 😳 just making diavolo obey you aAAA maybe having him in a collar with a leash attached to it? pulling on it to make him look at you as you ride him? (with a gender neutral reader 👉👈).

haha, go crazy, i just wanted to suggest some ideas. as long as we get to dom diavolo, i’m okay lololol.

- @haienk

I love you. I’ve been trying to put something together for a dom the Diavolo fic and now I am at peace and full of inspiration. The sweet prince needs to be punished. 💋

Tamed Puppy

Diavolo x MC

Warnings: Long, bondage, sub!Diavolo, degradation kink, flogging, pet play, sensory play,...feet. 👀

He’d always told you he wanted to let you take control. The prince wanted to be un-princely for once, and he trusted you more than anyone else to help fulfill his needs. You loved how much he let you ease into things, but this he didn’t have to. You were more than happy to treat him un-princely like.

So you brought him to his chambers, stripped him down and made him sit like a good pet as you prepared everything. Making him watch as you slowly move to make him wait even longer. To see the look of a lost puppy without his master yet.

“M-MC...you can tighten this if you’d like.”

Helping him put on his collar for the first time, you couldn’t help the smile across your face. So eager, like a puppy begging to be trained. You’d already placed the blindfold over his eyes, making every new accessory a surprise to all of his senses.

“More like this?” You whispered softly as you tightened it only one more notch. But his moaned response told you it was perfect. “Have you already been broken in, Diavolo. Or are you just so eager to be treated like my pathetic pet?”

“I’ve always wanted you, MC...”

Moving behind him, you used the bondage tape that resembled vinyl to tightly bind his arms to each other. The heat on his face made you laugh quietly. Enjoying the expressions he made as he realized how much you were doing. Enjoying the lack of control, his cock had already began to stir. When did he get like this?

Now that you had him tied up and accessorized, you walked around him in a circle. Diavolo turned his head as your foot steps rang out in the quiet room. The deep red flush across his face complimented his already adorably pathetic state. It was easy to see he was already excited. He must have been holding back these desires for a long time.

“You’re already half hard. I haven’t touched you yet, really.”

“I’m so excited, I can’t help it.” His cheerful smile shone through, making you grow more aroused as well.

Sitting on the couch near his bed, you led Diavolo with you on a short leash. Not being able to use his arms was a little difficult, but he managed to follow your orders. Obeying you every order, he sat on his knees with his thighs spread wide open. With a foot still clad in a sock, your placed your big toe on the tip of his impressive cock. The prince whined in surprise.

“Let’s see if you have any self control. I can’t play nice all the time with my little pet...” the ball of your foot rubbed up and down his shaft, earning more and more deep moans from Diavolo. “I have to train you to be a good boy.”

His breathing was growing heavier, feeling something vague and soft against his cock had his brain occupied as you spoke. It didn’t matter what it was, but he wanted more of it. The friction against his ever hardening member pressed against your toes. Maybe the prince was enjoying himself too much? When Diavolo’s hips began to rut against you, you pulled away quickly. Earning whine.

Diavolo heard you stand, he worried maybe he’d crossed some line, but you didn’t let him wonder for too long. A firm smack against his ass made Diavolo jump. He lost his balance, resting his face against the floor as you pushed his hips up. Another loud crack of the short flogger you hid from the prince as a surprise rang out. Met in volume only by Diavolo’s whines. Accepting he was going to be flogged, he wiggled his hips with enthusiasm.

“Bad pets get punished, my lord.” Your own body was hot, watching him so needy for you was arousing. And the little noises coming from him were all for you. Only you.

“Y-yes. Master.”

The title sent a chill down your spine. You couldn’t help but be a little rougher, excited by his obedient submission. Soon his cheeks were a mix of pink and a light shades of red. His panting and groans paused as you ran a loving hand over the marks that crossed his beautiful skin. You pulled his hair to help him back on his knees.

With his leash dragging behind him, Diavolo moved to sit on the bed the way you desired. Removing his blindfold you ordered him to stay like a good boy. You’ll reward him a little for being such a good pet. Taking a few steps away you undressed slowly, you saw that same puppy look from before, but with a much different emotion. All the desire he held was easily read on his face. Achingly slow you undressed, letting each button and each layer take just a moment longer to remove than usual. Once bare, with clothes tossed carelessly to the side, you walked back to your pet.

To his surprise, you knelt between his legs. Your hands traced his thighs, spreading them so that you had access to his weeping cock. He must have been really close to coming against your foot. You took a precarious lick at the slit of his length. Diavolo shivered as he helplessly looked down. So badly he wants to grab at your hair, push his cock down your throat, and fuck you senseless. But you had other plans. Circling the tip of his dick, your tongue picked up the rest of his precum.

“MC...too good.”

“You deserve a little reward. You’re a better pet than I thought.” The small praise made him smile and rut his hips slightly against your tongue and lips. You wouldn’t let him inside your mouth. Seeing him desperate for it was adorable though.

Diavolo’s face fell slightly as he realized you were teasing him, not letting him pass your lips. Now that he could rub his shaft against your wet tongue at least gave him some relief. He began chanting your name as he slowly started to tense in his abdomen. The prince wasn’t used to being denied this long, and he was growing more needy than ever. If only he could get his hands free, push you down and fuck you again.

“M-MC please. I want to come.”

“Oh? You think you get to finish before I do?” Your voices sent warm puffs of air against his saliva coated member.

Much to his dismay, you stood up from the floor and pushed him back on the bed. The prince’s burning orgasm fading slightly. Immediately you were on top of him. Thighs warming both sides of his waist. He looked up at you with the same pathetic expression only you would ever get to see. Grabbing his leash you ordered him not to move while you hovered above him.

Kissing his jaw line and down to his neck, you left bites and bruises. Love notes he could brag about later. Each sending chills down his spine. And the the grinding of your hips against his cock made it leak with eager seed.

Finally you aligned your hips with his overly sensitive dick. Diavolo almost whined as you lowered yourself down. He was easily the biggest partner you’d ever had, and each ride on his cock discovered something new inside you each time.

“Fuck...Diavolo...b-be a good boy and stay still.” Though your legs were trembling, you moved yourself up and down slowly. Easing the length inside to familiar places that you both knew could make you scream. Stilling his hips, Diavolo loudly panted and moaned. Unable to hold back, not that he had to when you treated him like this.

Tugging his leash you made him sit up to be eye level with you. You both shared your erotic expressions before a long and heated kiss. His greedy tongue pressed pass your lips and tangled with yours. A moment after, you heard the tape you’d wrapped his arms in tear and soon his strong arms were wrapped tightly around your torso.

“I can’t stay still, Master. I need it so badly...”

Though he broke through his restraints, you still had his collar. You couldn’t deny how great it felt to be filled up with his royal cock and you didn’t want to wait any longer either. As Diavolo’s hips thrusted up into you, your whole body grew hotter than it was before. Being stretched and filled over and over, your moans grew as loud as his. You pulled his leash roughly to bring him closer, catching his lips in a deep kiss.

Chanting his name you showered him in praises. He’s a good boy. So obedient and loves his master. He’s the best boy, the best! And the prince ate it up. Returning the praises, making you both flushed with heated cheeks.

Sporadic hip thrusting cut your last sentence short as he grew closer and closer. Your own orgasm was just about to reach its peak. Wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your face against his ear, you let the breathless moans and whines breeze by his ear. The voice he found so sweet made his hips move even faster.

“Coming. Diavolo. Your such a good boy making me come like this. Such a good boy...” Your voice trailed off into a moan as you reached your climax. Walls clenching around him tightly, the prince held on to the sheets beneath him as he tried to hold back.

“C-can I come? Master please let me come inside you.”

“That’s good. Come then. Come for me.”

A few shaky thrust later, Diavolo buried himself deep inside you. Filling you with thick ropes of seed. Having to hold back, even just a little, pent him up with so much frustration and the relief from coming inside you fixed it all. You moved with trembling legs to rest beside him. Thankful for the cool, soft sheets on your heated skin.

Diavolo took the initiative to clean you and himself up. Seeing as how he was the only one who could walk. Once back on the bed next to you, he flipped on his stomach so you could rub his still pink bottom. The touch soothed him strangely. You shared a bright smile with each other as you both came back down to hell.

“So...how did it feel to not be a prince for a day?”

“Hmmmm...rough, but good.”

“Did you say ruff? Was that a pun?”

“What’s a pun?”

[obeymematches]

AAA, hi I'm that first anon ( /w\)

I'm glad you're doing well ❤️ Thank you so much for the content you're making. I've been kinda losing interest in Obey Me but I'd like to request a match-up, maybe it'll help me rekindle my love for the game.

So, hmm. I'm 18 and a bit of a short gal, 4' 11 since I last checked (aaaa, Asian genes. But hey, cute size difference).

I'm an INFP-T, so I kinda suck at socialising hahah. But I make up for it by showing a cheery exterior. It always feels good to leave a good impression.

I usually like to try keeping a soft image, but will also be a loud memelord if I ever get comfortable enough.

I'm about to study HUMSS next school year, dreaming of becoming an arts teacher or prof, if I can manage. But I struggle with anxiety, which kinda clashes with my dream career, since a teacher requires confidence ,w,)

I tend to put others' needs before myself, I always want to make sure my friends are happy. The world is... horrible, so I really try my best to ensure they're smiling. It just gives me good serotonin if I know I made them feel happier.

My brain is horrible at keeping stuff, meaning I'm really forgetful. And oof, not really the smartest tool in the shed. No thoughts, head empty. Only love and escapism✌️😔 My dumbass brain is another thing that clashes with my dream job.

I like drawing, listening to music (distracts me from bad thoughts), video games (my most favs are rpgs and open world), horror stuffs, and crying whenever I see frogs and dogs. I also like plants. Ohh, and shiny rocks, heck yea.

Tho, I'm not really taking care of any at the moment, but I dream of having my own garden. I love the cottagecore aesthetic.

A thing I should add I guess is that I used to be a total weeb, so my behaviour and speech is heavily influenced. I'd sometimes casually drop a 'hai?', 'nani', 'nande kore' and etc. in convos. Kinda makes me cringe, but dang I can't stop.

Even if I don't enjoy watching anime as much as before, I do like anime movies. All ghibli films, Kimi no Nawa, Weathering with You and A Silent Voice are my favs.

I just love the soundtracks so much qoq

My worse flaws are I'm hella sensitive, a huge procrastinator, childish, and easily jealous.

But despite me being a lazy dumbass, if I put my mind into something, I will not stop until I finish the thing. Which means I also tend to overwork myself.

I know it's unhealthy but it really keeps me motivated, aaa-

I also seem to like acting as if I know a lot? I mean, I come across as that but my real intention is I just thought to share my knowledge of the subject.

I just say a lot of stuff because I tend to blabber and jumble my words.

I guess my love language is words of affirmation. Compliments, I love you's, heart memes, cheesy pick up lines that my sleep-deprived self thought of at 4am- all of em!

These are the weapons I torture my friends with o(○｀ω´○)9

But ahh, the thing is I've never dated anyone before. I find it so difficult to fall for someone irl, or even gain crushes. Mostly fictional. So I have absolutely no experience in the dating business.

Something to do with my self esteem and trust issues, ekk-

Oof, that's long. I hope that's not too much. Again, thank you so much if you happen to get to write this. Take your time, hun ^w^ ❤️💕 AAAA, and congratulations on reaching 100 followers!

----------

Hi! 

Noooooo i’m so sorry it took me so much time to write this ;; I hope you like the result though! thank you for your patience!!  💕 💕 💕 

I decided to match you with Mammon! 

Here is why: 

Okay so obviously there is a bit of a height difference, I mean he is not even near to being the tallest but thats exactly why he thinks you are the best height - it makes him feel taller and that is good for his confidence. 

Mammon is known for going out and socializing a lot - even if more often than not he ends up in some kind of unusual situation. He is good at taking the initiative in case you have trouble. Just don’t always follow through his ideas he suggests to bond, because most of the time it will end up getting both of you in trouble. I mean it’s not like Lucifer would punish you too badly because of something stupid Mammon got you to do (besides you having to listen to a lecture about why the thing you two did was dumb), but poor friend of yours is not so lucky.  :(

  I like to think of him as a positive, rather optimistic, maybe naive person but I think your cheerful attitude goes well with that. I mean think about the aura you two would spread! 

He would definitely be surprised to learn about your loud memelord side, but that would fascinate him so much because you can open up to him sooner than to his brothers and that also makes him more proud to be with you! I think that would also help him grow some real deep feelings for you

 I think you’d be a great influence on him to help motivating him to put some more energy into his education. Although the only reason he would care more about that is the study times he can have with you, and it is up to you to decide if those sessions are actually studying together (read: you tutoring him and him staring at you in awe when you don’t look but can’t grasp the material) or if there’s an attempt but a couple minutes later he is talking about how to earn money fast and both of you try said method.

Helping him study sometimes would definitely help your self-esteem! I think he can come off as rather confident, so hanging around with people like him would definitely boost your confidence!

I think he would literally melt if someone put his well-being before themselves. Theres no going back now he is lovesick. I mean just think about all the times his brothers make fun of him. 

 I’m prettysure he is the best at making people laugh! He has no care in the world even if he has to do something dangerously dumb to make you smile!! 

He can be rather forgetful too so thats something the both of you have to work on if possible, but relationshipwise that should not cause conflicts. Sure he might forget about some stuff but it’s never your bday or a date with you because both of you are in love. 

I think he can try your hobbies to impress you or just to have another topic to talk about, but he will probably never be the best at drawing. I think the amount of music you listen to would drastically decrease as he is very good at occupying your mind - with positive thoughts! 

It is confirmed that he alsp enjoys videogames and he is good at them, so thats something you two can do together when you don’t really feel like going out. 

If you show him horror movies he will scream and will not be able to sleep well for 2 weeks but he is going to deny that with his life so good luck! 

 I think he would find it cute that you like frogs and rocks and stuff, he might tease you a bit about it at first but if he sees a frog on sale he will spend his money to give you a surprise frog! it will probably be some live magical frog (either poisonous or some weird demon magic frog that will have everyone in the house of lamentation end up in a comedic situation). So that was the last time he got you something he has no idea about without asking you first.  

Oh he would definitely tease you a lot about your vocabulary, but Levi would catch on you because you might not actually be a normie... And thats how Mammon gets too jealous to ever tease you again about something like that - how can he allow Levi to hang out with you :( 

And that brings us to both of you being easily jealous. In some cases that might end in conflicts because one person gets annoyed but in this particular case you just need to have a conversation about it. Set some boundaries both of you are okay with, and no issue! 

I think to make sure your time alone with Levi is more limited he would totally watch anime movies with you! 

He definitely adores your determination! If you ever ask him what he likes about you, he will probably mention this as one trait.

 Hmmm as I elaborated before, you knowing more stuff about things will probably prevent situations that would be caused by Mammon not being informed about some stuff.

Okay so he is definitely one who sends you memes at ungodly hours and you can’t stop him. He is awake, lying in bed, too in love to do anything besides think about you and smile and face the issues of being the local tsundere. And then you send him a meme full of love and he can not fall asleep for the rest of the night, feeling butterflies and imagining soft things with you like he did with nobody else before. 

Okay so I’m not sure about his dating experience, but as far as a know he doesn’t really have much either? in that case both of you could explore this new feeling together! 

So in conclusion this boy is very much in love and he can only hope that you feel the same. Both of you are a good influence o the other and that helps the two of you to grow together. He might have slightly more experience but that’s okay. I see no conflicts here, maybe the only exception being the fact that he can be rude towards you and you are sensitive, but he is quick to stop being rude once he sees why he is so wrong. And that will be the best decision of his life so far because not long after that he is very much in love for the first time in forever. Both of you are loyal to the other and jealousy means no issue. Well, after some conversation, that is. Both of you experience life together and theres always something to do, to see! 

[headoverjojo]

Remember those two Abbaccio and Bruno scenarios in which they are forced to sleep on the same bed with their crush during a mission n stuff? If you aren't tired of writing those, may I get another one but with My Man™ Fugo this time? Panni doesn't get enough love and it makes me super sad.

*Bangs fists on table* I’M ALWAYS UP TO WRITE FOR FUGO AAAA bless you anon :,) And I ABSOLUTELY AGREE there’s not enough love around for Fugo, this is not GOOD- *hugs in Panni’s love*

Pannacotta Fugo and s/o are in love, on mission, they have a discussion about Fugo’s attitude, make out and finally confess

(Under the cut for length and light spoilers from Purple Haze Feedback!)

The exact moment Giorno took the power, Fugo knew he would have been flooded with duties and such. And he wasn’t wrong: Giorno, knowing his smartness and brain, wanted him as his Consigliere. Fugo’s caution and long sight would have been fundamental especially for the first period as Don. Plus, he was a loyal comrades, they had fought together, in the end Fugo came with them, actively betraying the Boss… with Mista as his right arm, Bucciarati as first Caporegime of all Naples and Fugo as Consigliere, he was sure he could do anything to make the organization work even without the drug trade.

However, it was soon clear that Fugo couldn’t do it all alone. Strategies, papers, meetings with the Don, a couple of times he was even called to fight on the field with Don Giovanna and Mista, he had to use his Purple Haze against part of the Squadra Narcotici… still, their leader, Massimo Volpe, was missing. Fugo remembered him well, from the time spent at Bologna’s university… a smart guy. Almost as him. And because of this, Fugo was the only one who could fight Massimo Volpe as equal, both on a brain level, both on a stand level.

In this long period of stress, however, Fugo had one person on whom he could always rely. You accepted to become his right arm and secretary, helping him with papers, meetings and, even if he didn’t like it a lot, on Massimo’s hunting. Not that he didn’t trust you or thought you were weak… he knew really well your strength, both physical and spiritual. He knew it since the moment you joined Passione.

And, from that moment, he saw you grow, become stronger and more determined, ‘till, at just sixteen years old, you openly betrayed the Boss. You were always been friends, in a different way as he was with Narancia: not a big brother-little brother or a mentor/student relationship, but just… friends. He knew he could always rely on you, that you would have listened to his rants when it was all too overwhelming to bear. That you were the only one who could keep up with him when you played chess or talked about various topics. He loved your company, more than anything else. Your friendship was his most precious treasure.

And now, six years later, you were still at his side, with your sharp mind, your humour and the ability, which just you seemed to have, to make him smile even when he was over stressed. In those years of closeness you learned to know each other better and better, to the point to communicate even just with your eyes, when the situation required it. Still… even if you were the person he trusted the most and he never kept something hidden from you, he had a secret that he hadn’t said even to you, since this secret regarded you.

He couldn’t tell you he liked you -no, he loved you. For years he had feelings for you, even if he never let anything slip out -maybe something when you all faced the Boss, he was so near to confess, not knowing if he would have come out alive from that situation. Even at the time he hadn’t been clear, however, and he never touched again the topic, lacking the reckless courage to bluntly confess.

But fate was an ironical being and, as much as he had feelings for you, you had so for him. You liked him since long, long time, even before you fought the Boss. And, staying more by his side, you learnt to know him better, to know the real Fugo. The one who hid behind his rage a deep insecurity and lack of self-confidence, the one who was so scared to follow his heart, ‘cause the only thing he ever knew were loss and betrayal, from his family, who should have protect him, from his professor, who abused him. Logic was his shield, his map to always follow: logic never was wrong. Still, he was brave, for once he was illogic, choosing to follow the team instead of staying back. He chose the heart instead of the brain. You saw how, from that moment on, he slowly started to heal. Some scars would have never left his soul, but… it was getting better. He was getting better. And you realized you loved him, his strong, stubborn personality that could also be so gentle, so kind, the type of kindness he never received, if not only by his grandma, and yet he liked so much to give.

Because of this, the situation was becoming… awkward. He couldn’t watch you without wanting to kiss you and hold you forever in his arms, but he couldn’t. You were his precious friend, the one he treasured so much… he was awkward, dangerous. His stand was a ticking bomb, a perfect incarnation of his spirit. How could he provide happiness to someone? He couldn’t. He couldn’t put you in danger… and you were so just by staying near him.

You noticed this slight changing in his manners, how he was less affectionate, how he almost didn’t hug you anymore… you were hurt. Why was he acting like this? Did you do something wrong? When you asked him, he always said he was fine, that everything was fine. This made you really, really angry. How could he lie so bluntly on your face. How could he think that you would have eaten his lies? Did he think you were stupid or what?

You both were at a standstill, without moving forward or back. It sucked. Still, you worked together. You were friends and no one of you wanted to lose this friendship. You, well.. tried to make things work, ignoring the real feelings of the other. Not that the others hadn’t tried to gently -or not so gently, in Narancia and Mista’s case- push you in each other’s arms… seeing how their attempts ended in nothing done, they just rolled their eyes, with a “you are so fucking stupid” on their mouth.

It seemed it could have gone like this forever, until Giorno called you both in his office. Reports said that Massimo Volpe had been spotted in Genoa and so you both had to immediately go and finally terminate him. You would have met with two Passione members, such Sheila E. and Cannolo Murolo, who would have been part of the squad to take down the last remnants of the Squadra Narcotici.

The travel to Genoa had been silent but not so bad as you both thought, seeing the situation. You quietly read and did some crosswords, on the train, changing it at Florence. It all went smoothly until you arrived at the little bed&breakfast Giorno’s staff had booked for you: one of the two rooms was occupied by the two members you had to meet the following day. They arrived earlier than expected and took one of the rooms, leaving you just one. And you couldn’t even take another one, since all were booked. Fugo was boiling in anger and irritation. It wasn’t a professional behaviour!! Still, you managed to calm him down before he just stormed upstair to kick the two’s ass out of the room, grabbing his arm.

“It’s fine, Fugo. We’ll make it work.” you said, with a small smile that immediately made him come back from his enraged state. Well, if you said so…

He sighed, nodding, taking his and your bag and heading to the room. Well, in the end it could really work… the bed was bigger than expected. Maybe, if you were fine with it, he wouldn’t have had to sleep on the floor.

He didn’t even have to ask so, as you immediately stated aloud his thought. Still, he was a bit agitated: in bed, it would have been harder to resist the urge to hug you, to keep you near…

“Fugo, are you sure to be fine with it?” you asked, eyeing him. He just hummed, answering with an automatic it’s fine that, finally, was the last strand.

“Pannacotta Fugo, stop treating me like a fucking stupid. Do you think I don’t see how you act strangely?! And that no, you’re not fine with it as you were not fine all the times I asked you so! Aren’t we friends?! Don’t I deserve the truth from you?!” you exploded, taking him by surprise. You never got angry at him, as he to you… he did his best to keep his rising anger in line. He didn’t want to scream at you. He really, really, didn’t want it.

“If I say I’m fine, I’m fine, Y/N. It’s not like I’m treating you as a stupid, or I wouldn’t even asked you to work with me. It’s just that isn’t anything wrong.” he replied, trying so hard to keep a plain tone. You gritted your teeth, feeling even insulted by his blunt lies. How dare he?! Lying like this again, even in front of evidences! You neared him, pointing a finger on his chest, looking rightly in his eyes.

“Liar.” his eyes widened slightly, hearing such a word leaving your mouth. You what…?

“How dare you to say such things, Y/N-” he growled, but you gaze didn’t falter, as your stance. If he wanted to unleash his rage at you, well, welcome. You were more than ready to kick his ass to Saturn and back.

“Oh, it bugs you so much, Fugo? Then shut my mouth, if you have the courage.” you replied, sharp, crossing your arms. And maybe it was how you worder the sentence, maybe his need has reached his highest peak… but he shutted your mouth, in the end. With his.

You widen your eyes, when his lips touched yours. The kiss was right like Fugo: a bit aggressive, even bruising, but that hid insecurity, desire to be returned. And oh, you returned it, unleashing the affection and desire you held for so much, sinking your hands in his soft sand hair, kissing him back with the same intensity that he was using.

You were so happy right now. You… you never thought he actually had feelings for you. You were already resigned to live a one side love with no happy ending, but… but now that happy ending seemed so near…

And it crashed right a little after, as he harshly pulled back, his eyes blown out, his breath raspy and agitated. You swallowed, as he took a couple of steps back. Your heart broke at every step.

“W-we can’t- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have, I-” he stuttered, panic clearly visible in his eyes. He went too far, did he ruin everything? You were too precious to stay by his side. You were in danger and he couldn’t bear the thought…

“We- we should sleep. Yes. Sleep.” he muttered, hastily taking off his shoes and jacket and heading to bed, still in his trousers and shirt, laying down and nervously giving you his back. You just stared at it, at how he was hugging his torso, sinking his nails in the fabric, the slight tremble on his form…

He was scared.

You finally understood why he was holding back so much. His issues, his self-hatred… his stand. You knew that he thought he was worthless of everything good in this world, but you thought he was out of it. It wasn’t so, obviously.

He didn’t feel worthy of you. He was scared to hurt you, that his Purple Haze could accidentally kill you. He was protecting you, from his point of you, from an unhappy existence and a possible agonizing death.

But, doing so, he was hurting not only you, but himself too. And you couldn’t bear the thought of him suffering again, not after what he passed. He deserved to be happy and loved as everyone else.

And you wanted to make him feel so.

So, you slid into bed too, turning off the light. In silence, you stared at his back, his nails still sunk in the shirt, the light distressed tremble that shook his body. Slowly, slowly, as not to startle him, you neared his form, gently sliding your arms around his middle. He jolted, but didn’t move again, holding his breath.

“I know, now, why you did this.” you murmured, pressing your forehead on his back, breathing in the scent of clean and soap of his shirt. He turned a little his head, fear and stress still in his eyes but, now, with a bit of curiosity.

“You wanted to protect me, didn’t you? After all these years, you still are sure to be dangerous, not to deserve love… you don’t see the light in you. Fugo… Panni. You’re a good person, one of the bravest I’ve ever met. You lived through so much betrayal and hate… but here you are. A kind, good person. Your stand… Purple Haze doesn’t reflect who you are. It reflects what you had to suffer. The rage and the pain and the silence. But you… you are different. You are sweet, kind, you try to become a better person every day… How could a person like this not deserve love, Panni? You deserve it. You deserve to be loved and cherished every single day of your life. A-and… if you want it… I’d like to be the one who does so. I love you, Pannacotta Fugo.” you said it all in one single breath, knowing that, when it was finished, your courage would have gone with it. You stayed silent, then, waiting for him with a galloping heart. What if you had just misunderstood everything? What if he was going to reject you? What if-

You shutted down your thoughts, when Fugo turned to watch you. Even in the dark you could see his stunning violet eyes, now open wide, full of wonder, surprise… they were warm and incredulous. It seemed too beautiful to be real.

You lowered your gaze, as your guts twisted. You felt incredibly shy, now that your bravery was all gone with your confession…

His hand gently cupped your cheek, his thumb stroked your soft skin. You lifted your head a bit, in time to softly bump the tip of your nose on his. You lost yourself in his violet eyes, so beautiful, so intense. Now they were even a bit glossy.

“You really don’t fear me? You’re not disgusted by me or my stand or what happened to me?” he murmured, almost lost. Your heart clenched, hearing the utter vulnerability in his words and you nodded, grabbing gently the hand he place on your cheek, softly caressing its back.

“I’m not scared by you or Purple Haze, Panni. And what happened to you… it wasn’t your fault. I’m disgusted, yes, but not at you, but at who did you those horrible things. You have no fault. You are innocent.” you said, staring in his eyes, as in yours too, now, were pooling tears. He looked at you with stupor and wonder, amazed that someone could really think something like this about him. So… this is what you felt when you were loved? This was the warmth and joy you felt when you allowed yourself to drop your walls?

He closed his eyes, when you brushed your lips on his. He leaned in, gently, kissing you back, brushing your cheek with his thumb and sliding then his hand on your nape, to keep you closer. His mind was in a total race, as his heart: he couldn’t believe it… so much happiness wasn’t something for him. But yet here you were, saying him that he deserved it, as everyone else, that you were ready to give it to him… it was so much. He… he had to say it. He had to say it now, in this perfect moment.

“I love you, Y/N.” he murmured, catching his breath, when the kiss broke to allow you both to breath. You blinked, baffled, before sweetly smiling, your eyes glossy with happy tears.

“Thank you, Panni.” you murmured, kissing him again and again, basking in his warm arms and caresses, feeling, finally, happy. Complete.

And now you both could face Massimo, Fugo’s greatest enemy, with a new strength.

[tumblunni]

Okay the BIG TODAY THING

It seems i might possibly be gone for six months

I've been talking with my support worker about taking a course at this place thats uhh apparantly gonna help me get better with the depressions and stuff. And we had a meeting to go look around the place and make introductions and stuff but i had NO IDEA it would be all such short notice! I might have to move in IN TWO DAYS FROM NOW, what the fuck!!! And like if its not that its gonna be at the end of the week or next tuesday at the latest. Im so fuckin unprepared and im really freakin out!!

..uhh...how to describe it..well i guess its literally a mental asylum? But it's absolutely NOTHING like the horror movie stereotype! Its not a hospital with cages or locked rooms, its just like a big comfy cute shared house. Like a bunch of completely normal small apartment rooms but they just happen to be all connected to a shared kitchen and stuff and have on site nurses and a big schedule of therapy sessions and group activities like pottery class or bowling. You have the freedom to come and go as you please if you're on "voluntarily admitted" status (that's me!) and even if you're on what they call "sectioned" its still not scary loss of all your freedom. The highest level of sectioning is just like "requires an escort"? You're still allowed to go outside but you have a higher level of supervision from your key worker because you could potentially be a danger to yourself. But that's very rare and most people are only on maximum sectioning for a few weeks at the start of their treatment, if they've come straight from a situation of self harm or other concern factors. Most of the "sectioned" patients just have a time limit on how long they can spend on unsupervised outside activity. It's a pretty generous 8 hours apparantly!

So yeah i was getting worried about nothing, thinking i was gonna be in big scary solitary confinement and locked inside a tiny broom closet or jabbed with brain lazers. It honestly just seems like a summer camp resort for adults! And everyone there seems very nice, and im excited for being able to learn life skills like cooking and potential steps towards getting educational qualifications someday. And to have the help of a more specialist support worker who can assist me with even the smallest little problems. Like this nice lady Tazmin (who might be the one i get?) was saying how they've had other people with social anxiety before, and how we could plan "gradual exposure" to all the things that scare me. Like she said she'd be able to come with me and we'd take the bus and them get off at the next stop. That'd honestly be really helpful to help me get over being scared of the crowded spaces on buses, but i'd never be able to do it normally cos i'd be too embarassed taking such a short bus ride. Plus well itd be a waste of money,but if i'm a patient here i would get a free bus pass so it wouldnt be a problem.

Oh and the area seems really nice! Its so different from my stupid house right now in a crowded neighbourhood with NOTHING but houses everywhere for a mile! Its seriously almost a mile's walk to the ONE SINGULAR SHOP IN THE AREA and they close on sundays and dont sell vegetarian food. :( This area around the shared house thingie is a really nice bustling shops place but not super shops? Like i mean its a lovely village that has all the small shops you need, not a huge skyscrapers busy tourist place. The perfect balance of conveinient and not scary! They have a library and a park so close to the place, and a bazillion charity shops holy FUCK im so excited to have charity shops again!! I think you call them thrift shops in america? But i just always really love bargain hunting and finding nice surprises in places like that! And there's places to do pottery classes and group trips sometimes to do stuff like cinema or bowling or just having your big ol scary therapy meeting at the nice coffee shop at the end ot the road.

So yeah dont worry about me guys, im not trapped in some horribke hell place! I'm sure it'll be as non threatening as an Intensive Therapy Boot Camp can possibly be, im just still nervous as hell cos well yeah I Have Social Anxiety And That Is Why I Am Here In The First Place. Im scared im not gonna be able to succeed at this. I really wanna leave at the end and be all mentally buffed up and ready to make all these nice nurses proud!

Oh and man Richard has been so nice about this?? He was super freaked out and apologetic about it being Scary Short Notice, we had a bit of a dumb misunderstanding where he clearly told me and i clearly said yes but i somehow completely misunderstood what he was saying and thought i was saying yes to something else??? So im so fuckin glad that at the very end of the appointment right when i was gonna get out the car he was like 'oh so remember your suitcase on wednesday' and i was like WHAT. Like man can you imagine how much more terrifying it would have been if i just turned up on wednesday with no supplies but the shirt off my back and was like 'wtf where is he driving me OH GOD NO'. Bunni why you so bad at the good of talking!! Seriously richard thanks so much for clearing it up but also AAAAA i accidentally agreed to the shortest of short notice and i dont know if he's gonna be able to reschedule it!!!

And man i was there crying in his car about how i dont wanna be in hospital on my birthday, and babbling all the different things i had planned fot the next few months. And GOD DAMN MY DUMB BRAIN i ended up blurting out that i had a preorder of a videogame that i was gonna miss. And i straight up started explaining pokemon to my mental health counseller who is also a dj, how damn fake does my life sound?? Anyway he said that i'll still be able to keep him as my support worker when i get back out of this, and we'll still have weekly or monthly meetings while i'm in there. And he keeps reminding me that i'm free to leave if i feel uncomfortable, but i know that i'd feel like a failure if i did! So he legit fuckin goddamn said (THIS SOUNDS SO FAKE) that i could take a day off when the dumb game comes out, and he'd play co op pokemon with me. HOLY GEEZUS RICHARD YOU'RE LIKE THAT HOLY GRAIL OF THERAPISTS! And man he even said it wasnt embarassing for me to sleep with a teddy bear and he'd help me pack it up safe and ensure nobody saw it while we move my bags into my new room. And then i was like "uhh but also the teddy bear is a giant lifesize embarassing pokemon merchandise" and he was like "okay so we need DOUBLE STEALTH". Apparantly the new sequel to Pokemon Go is Pokemon Sneak! God he helped calm me down from this freakout so much, he's always great with lil jokes and motivational sayings. And i talked about how i first started being interested in Obscure Deep Sea Slug Facts because pokemon has some characters based on weird real life animals, and like its Very Educational Honest, And Has Appeal For Both Kids And Adults. How on earth did this turn into Motovational Pokemon Blabber Time??? Anyway thats how i ended up texting a professional psychologist pictures of gastrodon at 7.30pm.

SO

Yeah

In summary

I'm mostly just worried cos this is short notice! And cos its such a big commitment that being short notice is Super Bad. I need to friggin clean the whole house top to bottom in two days, so it doesnt get all gross and attract flies while im gone. And i need to toss out like a hundred bucks worth of frozen food that aint gonna keep for 6 months. And i need to wash all my damn clothes. And i dont even have a suitcase and this is at a terrible time where i dont get paid for a week so i cant buy a new one right now!! And damn i DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO TAKE AAAAAA

And the BIGGEST PROBLEM

Is that i wont be able to talk to you guys for half a year!!!

They dont have wifi and im not allowed to take my computer anyway. They only allow laptops and all i have is a desktop and AAAA its too short notice to save up enough to get a laptop mannnnn! Fuck man i didnt even think about that, i need to go pause my broadband internet for six months, do they even allow you to come back after that long?? And man part of me wants to ask to borrow money from friends to get a laptop but i know this time i cant promise to pay you back within the month cos AAAGH ALL OF THIS SHIT!! Like damn man if anyone is willing to let me pay back a hundred and fifty quid in 6 months??not bloody likely!! And man the only place to get a laptop in TWO GODDAMN DAYS is stupid fuckin Amazon :( but god im gonna go stir crazy being unable to do art or gamemaking or friggin anything to occupy myself!! I can bring my 3ds but i barely have any games for it and ive already finished all of them except harvest moon a new beginning which i quit cos it was bad. And the screen is broken anyway gahhh. SO MANY THINGS I NEED MONEY FOR IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME THAT IS NON CONDUCTIVE TO MONEYING

So anyway GAHH i wont have an internet connection in the house, and i'll be able to walk down the hill and use the library computers hopefully at least weekly, but they forbid all social media sites. So like can i get the emails of everyone who wants to keep in contact? Man i dont know how im gonna manage this AAAAA!!! i will send u loads of pics of scenic asylum beauty and dumb updates on my stupid life of probably very little progress.

And AGGGHHH i dont even have the time to plan a blog queue or anything fuck man geez aaaaaaaa

I NEED TO BUY A NEW PAIR OF TROUSERS WITHOUT HOLES IN THE KNEES man i cant live on singular pantage in a shared house